Chapters What.. what are you saying..?
I’m sorry, but this has to be done.
You..
Lightning awoke from his deep sleep, the nightmare fading from his mind. He didn’t open his eyes, afraid to only see what he saw in his sleep. But the more he thought about it, the more did the dream slip away, until he could remember only one simple thing.
Death.
His dreams had been that of death, nothing more, nothing less. The death of who? He couldn’t remember, it had all turned into a hazy blur. He didn’t even remember what kind of death it was, no emotions or pictures. Just that pressing feel of death. A weak sigh escaped his lips, and his breath sounded unsteady, shaking.
As the sigh died down, he closed his mouth and took a deep breath through his nose. And instantly, he felt the urge to throw up. A smell had made its way into his nostrils; a sickening smell, sweet, sour, bitter and strong. Like a mix between old milk and ammonia. Lightning felt his insides rush up to his mouth, but nothing came out of his mouth. Probably because he was lying on his back, which he just realized.
He swallowed down the small amount of stomach acid in his mouth, and it felt as if that horrible smell followed the liquid down into his belly. Almost immediately, his stomach tried to force itself up through his throat again. Lightning forced himself to hold it down, and it sent shivers through his body as he felt the contents of his stomach go back down. Just that sensation alone made him want to throw up instead.
After taking a few breaths, the stallion opened his eyes.
He instantly regretted doing so. The room that filled his vision sure as buck wasn’t his bedroom, or any other of the rooms in his apartment for that matter. Above him, the ceiling looked as if it was about to give way under age and decay, threatening to come crashing down upon him any second. Cracks ran across it, and through them, ivy and moss sprouted out, hanging limply like dead carcasses.
The plants seemed to move on its own; swaying slightly in a breeze he couldn’t feel. Apart from that, no other movements could be seen. As he slowly raised his head up from the pillow – Wait, were did that pillow come from..? – Lightning realized that it was eerily quiet as well. He didn’t have time to ponder this though, as almost all his questions as to what was wrong here got answered the moment he saw the room he was in.
Disgusting. That was all he could think of. Just the mere sight made him feel nauseous. He could now clearly see that he was in what looked like a room for patients. Probably a hospital, he thought. The walls where covered in some sort of green goo, which he believed to be mold or fungal spores. The wallpapers had been ripped to shreds, and discolorations had taken their place, ranging from rusty brown to more sickly green.
More moss and ivy hung from various parts of the walls, most of it cowered up into the corners and bends between it and the ceiling. Some old graffiti had all but faded on the wall opposite of him, and only after Lighting squinted his eyes could he read it.
DJ-Pon3 WaS HERE
The name said nothing to him, and he thought it silly as he read the graffiti once more. Beneath it, somepony had scribbled:
want some wood, dj?
The rest of the graffiti was illegible, and he could only make out a few letters here and there. Deciding that there was no point in reading anymore, he instead scanned the room again. Crude drawings could be seen through the mold at places, drawings of strange symbols and letters, as well as several depicting genitalia.
As Lighting saw these drawings, he instantly got reminded of his own body. He looked down on himself, afraid to see something.. he did not want to see. For a split second, images of castration filled his mind. Luckily though, a white blanket covered his body up to around his belly, and oddly enough, the fabric was completely clean. Its white color seemed to almost blend together with his white coat, and it almost looked is if his hind legs and flank had molten together with the bed he was laying in. Once again, he dreaded what he would find underneath the blanket. There wasn’t any pain or numbness down his waist, and that was a good sign.. No wait, I cant.. feel anything..
Images ran through his mind; broken bones, cracked in all manner of ways, crushed into nothing but a red mess, or completely cut off, amputated to stop the spread of some decease.
And what if they cut off more than my legs, just to be sure..
The blanket turned into a pale shade of green as his magic surrounded it. Slowly, he lifted it into the air and took a peek underneath it. He then tossed it to the floor in relief; everything was still there. Why was he even afraid something like that would have been done to him? There was no logical reason for it. His worries faded slowly.
Lightning moved his hindlegs slowly to try and get out of bed, and he felt his right leg grind against something. Something moist, yet solid. He moved his leg away to look, and once again felt his inside twist. The bed was covered in mold, thick and spongy. Now that he realized it, he looked down on what he had his back against, which he thought was more blankets, seeing as it had felt so soft.
It looked like hair. The kind of mold you see in rotting food, where strands of white or grey “fur” sprout out of the spoiled meal.
Lighting instinctively shrieked, drawing in breath hard in a wheezing sound as he threw himself off the bed. He hit the floor with a wet sound, and water splashed up into his face. It stunk even worse than the mold. A thin layer of filthy water covered the floor, probably no more than an inch deep. He felt it soak into his coat, and he quickly stood up. Didn’t want that sickly brown slush on him, didn’t want it to.. sink into him.
Up until now, the stallion had not noticed the tubes and cords hooked into one of his forelegs and neck, but when he did, he shrieked again, out of both disgust and fear. His body began to shake uncontrollably as he saw the needle buried in his forelegs, partly slipped out of his skin. Forgetting the state of the room, he opened his mouth and yelled.
“Hello? Anypony there?!”
The room didn’t matter anymore, nothing did. He just had to get that bucking needle out of him. He yelled again, but the only answer he got was the quiet sound of dripping water. Lightning was terrified of needles, and just seeing one actually piercing his skin made his mind almost shut down in fear. He had to get it out, but he was too afraid to even touch it himself.
But he had no choice. Nopony was there to hear him, nopony would come to his aid. He had to do it himself. The young stallion took one last look across the room to see if there was anything he could use, anything else he could focus on as he did.. what he had to. He saw nothing. Slowly, the realization dawned in his mind, and his lips started to quiver and he felt tears build up in his eyes.
This has to be a nightmare, it..
He once again fired up his horn, and this time focusing his magic on the small needle in his leg. It glowed dimly in green light, and it made it look even more disgusting and terrifying in his eyes. Hesitantly, Lighting pulled on the needle, and cried out the moment he felt it move within him. He panted heavily, and his tears fell into the water at his hooves. Just one more pull, and it..
Buck it!
The needle slipped out of his skin and landed on the floor with a splash, sending a few drops of water up unto his legs. As the body of water got disturbed, its smell once again let itself free through the room, and Lightning cringed. He looked at the cord with the needle on it, floating slightly in the water. He blinked away his tears, and without understanding why he did so, the stallion spat at the needle on the floor.
To his right, Lighting could see what he thought was a window, covered up in what looked to be cardboard, with specks of mold growing around its edges. He hurried towards it, and the water splashed around his hooves. Once he reached the window, the stallion wasted no time, and started tearing at the cardboard with his front hooves. Needed to see where the buck he was, what was on the other.. side..
His heart stopped, and he swore he could almost feel his eyeballs bulge out of his head as he saw what was in the window. Behind several layers of cardboard, fabric and moss, there was a filthy glass sheet, and behind it.. nothing. A brick wall covered in moss and with water running down in streams. He wanted to slam his hoof through the window, tear down the wall, but that would probably just hurt him.
What the buck am I doing here..?
Desperately, he tried to call out for help again, but once again no answer came. His body started to shake even more as panic built up inside him. Not knowing what to do, he instead made his way to the door on the opposite side of the room. He tried twisting the handle with his magic, but it was locked and refused to move. In sheer desperation, Lighting turned his back towards the door, and bucked his hind legs hard into it. He heard a satisfying crack as the hinges gave way, and he could see the door slowly creak open.
Feeling a little bit more confident, he reached his leg out to push it open a bit more. Just when he was about to touch the filthy wooden door, it was slammed shut from the outside. The stallion shrieked in fear as the door hit him across his hoof. Slowly, he backed up from it, and his fear grew as out of nowhere, a knock on the door could be heard. Followed by more knocks.
His heart beat fast, and his breath was erratic as he quietly cowered down behind the bed. His stomach started to turn as the knockings changed into loud bangs. But this time, his stomach tried to force itself another way instead of his throat. Terrified, he strained himself to hold it in as whatever was on the other side of the door started twisting and pulling at the doorknob. Lightning’s mind went blank, and only one thought went through his head.
I want my mommy.
Just as he lost control over his bladder, the beating on the door stopped suddenly. His young body trembled from fear, and he didn’t notice the water beneath him shifting color as the contents of his bladder mixed out with the filthy, brown water.
After a long while, Lightning finally gathered enough courage to stand up again. He didn’t take his eyes away from the door, afraid it would open itself any second. He couldn’t stay in this room, but he was too afraid to leave, and meet whatever it was on the other side. But he had to leave, if he stayed here.. it might come back for him.
Finaly made up his mind, he once again approached the door, and without thinking, he pushed it open.
I’m a brave pony, I can do this.. Or perhaps I’m just stupid.
The door made a creaking sound as it opened, and Lightning carefully peaked outside. A hallway met his gaze, long and empty. He exhaled in relief. He stepped out into the hallway, and found that the state of it was almost exactly like the room. Old, dilapidated, overgrown and filthy. Several more doors lined the walls of the hallway, probably more rooms. Could there be ponies inside them? He was too afraid to check it out.
On the floor, he could see an old stain, brown in color, drawn out across the ground, and then disappearing underneath one of the doors. He had an idea of what the stain actually was, but he had no desire to find out if he was right or not.
Trying not to think about it, the stallion turned away from it and started walking slowly down the hall. It really wasn’t that dark, but he let his horn cast its green light around him, just in case. It smelled just as bad here as in the room, and the air was thick to breathe, making his throat feel soar. Several times he had to walk around thick vines that had almost formed walls across the corridor, and cobwebs had been formed in and around them.
After what seemed like hours, the young unicorn finally emerged from the hallway, and found himself in a big room, with several pillars holding up the ceiling. It probably wasn’t even needed since the ceiling wasn’t that high or broad, but he guessed it was for decoration. They were placed with a few meters between each other, almost as if something was supposed to go in between them.
Coffins.
At first, Lightning thought that the floor was completely covered in moss, but once he took a closer look he could see that it was in fact a carpet in a dark shade of green. For a moment, he hated that color. It felt as if it was everywhere, the mold, the filth, his magic, his bleak mane and tail, and now this carpet.. Surrounded by green. The very color of sickness.
He took a few steps into the room, looking between the pillars as he went along. They made him nervous, the way there were placed and spaced out. They made him think of coffins and graves. And just like coffins, they were scattered across the green landscape in perfect rows, in an almost defiling manner.
Between another couple of pillar, Lightning saw a green light off in the distance. At first, he thought of yelling out, but as he came closer, he could see that it was only a mirror on the wall, covered in filth and a black liquid oozing out from behind it. He could see his own face in the dirty reflection. His white coat, somewhat dirty, a few specks of dried water.
His horn that glowed brightly in the darkness - Wait.. Has it gotten darker? – And the light reflected through the mirror and into his eyes. They too, much like his mane, were colored in a bleak green, but they leaned more towards teal. Still, green had always been his color. And now he only felt sick as he saw it.
“Lightning Quill..” He whispered to the reflection. “You can do this..” The pony in the mirror didn’t answer.
He observed the mirror for a little while longer, hoping for something to happen. Anything that could help him understand where he was or how he got here.. And as if the mirror heard his thoughts, something did happen.
In a moment of shock, he saw his own skin.. peel. It looked like part of a band aid, about to fall off. It left an open wound in his face, but he felt no pain. He reached his hoof up to his face and touched it. Couldn’t feel anything except the soft fur. But in the reflection, the peeled skin moved at his touch, placing itself back in its original position.
Once he removed his hoof, the skin came off again. He felt panic build up inside as it started to move on its own, peeling off more of his skin. Paralized by both fear and fascination, he saw his entire face crumble before him, like wallpaper tearing away. And underneath it..
Finally, the paralysis let go of him, and he scream loudly at his own reflection. Underneath the peeled off skin, thousands of maggots crawled around, embedded deep into a substance that he could only envision as excrement’s. Lightning tore his face away from the mirror and without thinking, started running away from it, almost colliding into a pillar on his way.
Once again his mind had gone blank from fear. He ran as fast as he could across the room, forgetting about the magic light he was upholding. Slowly, it faded away as fear consumed him. He left the room and ran into another hallway, just like the one he came from. He closed his eyes hard as he ran, not giving a single buck as to where he ran or what was in front of him. He just had to get away from.. that.
Suddenly, his body stopped, and Lightning felt something wrap itself around him. He shrieked in terror, but once he opened his eyes, he realized it was nothing more than ivy growing across the hall. With trembling hooves, he managed to untangle himself, and came out on the other side. His first instinct was to keep on running, but something made him stop.
Far off, down the opposite end of the corridor.. there was a silhouette. It looked tall and slim, but it was covered by shadows and it was impossible to make out any features.
“Hello?” Lightning called out. “Please, I-I need help, I..” His voice died down instantly, as the figure came out of the shadows.
It was clearly a pony, but something wasn’t right with it. It moved fidgety, jerky. Clumsily. Its body seemed to be dressed in some sort of green rubber coverall with a hood, and in that hood.. No face. Instead, it had some sort of mask covering its face, and it looked to be in rubber as well. White and filthy rubber, with big eye lenses, and some sort of dark green canister hanging from the part Lightning thought must be the snout.
It drew closer to him, almost tripping over its own legs as it walked. Lightning panicked once again, and tried to tear his way back through the wall of plants. But they seemed impossible to break, and the masked pony came closer all the time.
Then, he heard a sound. He looked at the other pony, and it had stopped. It had probably also heard the loud crack that rang out through the hallway. Before Lightning had a chance to react, another crack reached his ears, and he felt the floor vibrate. As he looked down, he had just enough time to see it crumble beneath his hooves.
He screamed at the top of his lungs as it gave way, and he plummeted downwards.
Into darkness.
No, please.. It-it hurts..
Pain is a good thing, is it not?
I.. Yes..
Good boy..
When Lightning opened his eyes once more, he almost expected to be back in that room again. The manner in which he woke up had been so similar, he nearly thought everything had only been another dream. But it wasn’t a dream, he realized as he woke up, pain surging through his body.
More like a nightmare…
A few images lingered in his mind, just like the last time he woke up. This time though, it wasn’t images or feelings of death, it was pure, tearing pain. The pain was in his mind and his body, consuming him both from the inside and out. That piercing pain, penetrating deep into his flesh..
It hurts..
Lightning’s head began to hurt as he remembered something from his dream. That one spoken line, the uttering of pain. Vaguely, he remembered a burning sensation, like the feel of a red hot knife being shoved into his body. What had caused that pain, he couldn’t remember, just that horrible feel of.. intrusion.
It was pitch black around him, and he couldn’t even see his own hoof in front of his face. He needed light, otherwise he’d be blind as a bucking bat.
But maybe that’s a good thing..?
He tried to light up his horn.
If I’m blind, I don’t have to see... what might be out there.
Sharp pain coursed through his head as he directed his magic into his horn. He shrieked involuntarily, believing his head had been split. A few sparkles of green light burst out from his horn, glistening no more than a second before they died down again, leaving him in complete darkness. In that split second of temporary light, he’d seen enough to understand what was wrong.
He’d caught a glimpse of red stains around him, specks covering the floor. His hooves where covered as well, the crimson blood turning brown as it dried into his coat. And on the floor in front of him, illuminated by the green light; a pointy, white object, partially covered in blood, broken off at the end.
Small pieces of it littered the ground around him, shattered like porcelain cups. Having realized that the object on the floor was his horn, Lightning instantly broke down into tears. The only thing he’d ever been proud of, the one thing that made him into himself, torn away from his body.
He tried to stand up, and more pain shot through his body. The fall must have been longer than he thought; when he looked up he couldn’t even see the hole he fell through.
What the buck am I supposed to do now..?
Despite the darkness around him it was clear as day what he had to do. He just didn’t want to accept it, at least.. not yet. Perhaps he could fix his horn, tape it to his forehead, or perhaps he would wake up from this nightmare any second now.. You always wake up in a fall, so he should already be awake by now.
Lightning took a deep breath – that smell again... – and stepped out into the shadows. The floor felt different from the other rooms; it wasn’t coated in water. Instead, it was hard and solid, probably some sort of stone, maybe concrete. Yet the clear smell of mold of filth permeated the air around him. Perhaps something lay hidden away in a corner, something slowly rotting away..
Someponys severed test..
“Get a grip, Lightning!” he said loudly to himself. His voice echoed off of walls he couldn’t see.
Why I am I even thinking about.. that? There’s no reason to, no bucking logical reason the fear something like it. Get a grip on yourself, damn it. They’re still there, still with you. Stop thinking about it.
As he tried to collect his thoughts, he felt his hoof step on something. Something thin and round, and rather hard… A bone..?
He removed his hoof from the object, and leaned his head down towards the floor. A smell filled his nostrils, but it wasn’t disgusting or repulsive, not the type of smell you’d expect from old bones.. it smelled more like.. wax.
Lightning tried to push the object a bit, and it slowly rolled away. Quickly, he reached his hoof into the darkness and stopped it.
It’s a candle, it’s gotta be…
The unicorn opened his mouth to pick it up. If it indeed was a candle, he could use it to find his way out of here. He felt his teeth clamp around it, and the distinct taste of wax filled his mouth. Now all he needed was some matches.. instantly, the candle got yanked out of his mouth.
Lightning gasped loudly and took a few steps back. This was just like what happened with the door, only this time.. Whatever it was that shut the door and now took the candle; it was right there with him. Waiting for him in the darkness. Or it could be...
Right next to me.
Scared out of his mind from this possibility, Lightning spun around in the shadows, hitting his front hooves through the air, bucking his hind legs hard into nothing. It was all around him, yet he couldn’t hit it. Finally, he did what he always did: ran.
Just like he always ran from his problems, he ran from this unknown presence. The way he ran from conflicts and arguments.
And acceptance.
He was sure that the shadows around him held him back, pulled him in, and that he in fact did not move at all. It would devour him, and soon there would be no Lightning Quill left, just the strong emotions he felt in his dying moment, drifting forever in and endless abyss of black nothingness.
And suddenly, he felt it. He felt the emptiness surround him, pulling him deeper into the abyss.
He floated through the air, could feel the wind tugging at his mane.
He who gaze too deep into the abyss…
Lightning’s chin hit something hard, and a crushing pain spread through his head as he tumbled down, hitting his head and limbs over and over against several hard ledges. His entire body felt like it had been broken apart as he finally came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. He panted and wheezed, a singe of pain hitting him across the ribs when he took a breath that proved too deep.
He cringed in pain as he tried to move his legs. They felt like lead underneath him. Something rattled within his mouth, and he could taste blood.
Please, not this…
Another one of his deepest fears became true as he opened his mouth, and several teeth fell to the floor, followed by the sound of something dripping against stone. The young unicorn had several phobias, not just needles. Losing his teeth was one of the strongest. Once again, Lightning started crying as he felt around inside his mouth with his tongue. Several maulers where missing, as well as a tooth in the front row.
He wanted to scream, but the pain in his ribs was too strong. All he could do was lay his head down on the cold floor and weep. Just like what had happened in the room, he once again felt the desire to be with his mother. She would hold him, tell him everything was alright, comfort him and make him forget all about the pain and fear.
To cry in her lap, like the pathetic foal he was... But it was impossible. His mother was long gone. She had left him alone in the world, with nopony except his... Father.
Lightning’s body trembled as he cried, a more powerful quiver spreading through him as he inhaled through his snout, pulling in the snot that had formed in it from his crying. He didn’t care that it was disgusting as he swallowed it down, just to get it out of the way.
At least for a few seconds, the taste of snot and blood made him forget about the pain and the smell surrounding him. But then it once again hit him like a brick wall.
I... I have to get up…
The unicorn took one final deep breath, doing his best to not mind the pain in his chest. He strained himself to his limit and twisted his legs around, placed his hooves down against the floor. With an exhale of pain, he pushed himself up from the floor.
Lightning’s legs felt wobbly, and he almost lost his balance. He tried to walk forward, but instantly he lost control of his legs, and he stumbled to his right. He yelled out in pain as his head slammed hard into a wall. Despite the pain, the wall was a good thing; he could use it to keep his balance.
As the unicorn walked down the wall, partially rested against it, he found himself… laughing. Not snickering or chuckling – no, a full out laugh, and he had to stop to hold his stomach due to the pain.
Here he was, on the brink of death, lost in darkness and probably with several ribs broken, but all he could think of was that he must’ve looked like a drunk, staggering and leaning against the wall like this.
Maybe he just hit his head too hard in the fall. Maybe this isolation and terror had driven him into madness. Lightning didn’t care or think about it, the laughter filled his head and lungs. He laughed so hard, his mouth started to become dry due to him not even closing it. The more he inhaled to let out a new laugh, the drier it became.
Lost in laughter, he didn’t even notice that he had removed himself from the wall, and staggered on without any support through the darkness. Through his tears, he could see spec of light in the distance. If he could make it there, he would be alright.
Fear started to build up inside him once more, as he finally came to his senses. The pain in his body reminded him of the situation he was in, and his mind had returned back to normal. Yet he couldn’t stop laughing. He wanted to scream, but all that came out of him was hysterical laughing.
His hooves clanked against the concrete floor as he kicked into a trot, doing his best to keep balance through his groggy and blurry eyes.
Just a bit longer, I’m almost there, I..
Just as he thought he would never reach the light, he emerged into it. The moment he did, the laughter stopped and he let out a deep sigh as he felt his legs turn into jelly once again. Staggering, he felt his eyelids grow heavy. He just wanted to sleep... Lightning let himself fall forward, and made no attempt to break his fall. He was too tired, so very tired.
Pain coursed through his body as the intruding object slowly sunk into his body...
A loud clank echoed across the room as his fall stopped suddenly, his head hitting something cold. It wasn’t the floor, since his body got twisted upwards, his neck and head resting upon something higher than the floor. Lightning felt no pain. Only numbness.
Slowly, his eyes began to close, and he felt his mind slip away, trying to escape into the endless reaches of sleep. Or perhaps it was death pulling it away. He tried to fight it, tried to stay awake, and managed to move his body slightly, managed to twist his head.
As he did, it slipped off the object it rested on, and instantly he felt his snout sink down into some sort of thick liquid. His breath created a sound of bubbles, building up and bursting painfully slowly. This was enough for his mind to snap back into place, and as he saw what it was he had his snout in, he shrieked once again. A high pitch shriek; the sound of raw disgust. He sounded more like a little girl than the twenty years old unicorn he was.
Lightning pulled himself away from the liquid, and finally, he let his inside rush out of his mouth. He didn’t bother to hold it back anymore; this was too much for him. Frantically, he shook his head back and forth to get the disgusting goo off of his snout. The smell of decay found its way into his nostrils, and even though he had nothing left in him, he threw up once again.
The more he tried to get it off of him, the clearer the fact became: he’d let his head sink down in an old toilet. He didn’t even want to think about what the thick substance actually was. He shook his head so hard he became dizzy again, and started swaying slightly. He stopped to regain his balance. Since he couldn’t get the liquid off his snout this way, he did the last thing he wanted to: wiped it off with a hoof. Once he’d managed to get it away from his hoof as well, everything he’d been through hit him again.
Like a slap across the face, he saw it all again. The needle, his reflection in the mirror, the masked pony, broken teeth, pain, disgust… His father. Lightning cried out in anger over his own actions, and bucked the filthy toilet hard. It cracked into several pieces, and the thick liquid inside of it escaped unto the floor around it.
The unicorn started crying again as he sat down on the floor, leaning himself against a wall. There wasn’t any moss covering it, only dried marks of streaming water running from the ceiling. He looked down on his body. He wasn’t proud of it anymore, like he used to be. Everywhere he went; mares wanted him and his slim, perfect body.
Now it was covered in bruises and dirt, his coat ruffed and ruined; the white color had turned into a greyer one. His hooves was covered in almost everything imaginable; dirt, blood, mold, filth and shit. Add a broken horn to that, and some extra bruises and filth across his face... He probably looked like the monster he was.
Maybe he deserved this, all this pain and suffering. Perhaps it was his punishment. Up until now, he’d done his best to push the thoughts of his father away, push them deep in the back of his head. That was no longer possible though, as they seemed to force themselves back into his mind, clear as day.
Even though he wanted to, Lightning Quill would never forget what happened. Never forget the day he tried to turn his life around. But all it had done was turn him into a monster. A son that takes the life of his own father is not worthy to be called a pony.
A sick, demented creature. It was not natural to house such strong hate for any living thing, and least of all a parent. But Lightning did. And he regretted it every day.
If only he was as fast with second thoughts as he was with his quill, he might have never hurt his father.
I will never forgive you...
Lightning panted heavily as he hurried through the many hallways and rooms of the building. Everywhere he went, he was met by decay and rotting furniture, flora and fungi growing wild across the walls and floor. His chest burned and his body felt numb, but he kept pushing on. Partially to get away from that room where he quite literally became a part of this disgusting place. The smell still lingered in his nostrils. But mostly to find an apothecary or ER, there was bound to be something like it in this hospital.
Medical supplies, gauze bandages, whatever he could find that could help him. Maybe some drugs or medicine that could null the pain and help him relax. He didn’t know much about medical care, but he at least had to try.
Emerging from another hallway empty handed, he found himself in what looked to be some sort of lobby or reception area. Torn apart couches littered the center of the room, piled up together. Lightning guessed they had once been placed along the walls or perhaps in some pattern in the middle, but now they had been tossed away like garbage. The stuffing covered the floor around the pile like fluffy entrails, and tears and burn marks had all but eaten away at the furniture. As Lightning approached the pile, a distinct smell of ammonia filled his nose. Somepony seemed to have urinated on the couches...
They wouldn’t do him any good, and he instead searched around the room some more. The floor had been engraved with patterns he didn’t recognize, and most of the doors had been either broken down or slammed shut so hard they were impossible to budge.
Sings had been placed next to the doors, telling visitors what purpose that particular room served, but most of them had been eaten away by rot and mold, and the letters could no longer be made out. In the middle of the room, next to the pile of couches, there was a small room, like a booth placed there for visitors.
A wide sheet of glass covered one of the walls, and a locked door next to it. Lightning looked in through the broken glass, and the moment his snout entered the room on the other side, a horrible smell hit him. Decay and rot. One he’d only felt once before.
The way dad smelled after he’d been…
The smell of death and rotting flesh. Behind it, the smell of ammonia and several other scents produced by the bodily fluids seeping out of the body. Urine, fat, fecal matter…
There was no doubt: a dead body was close by, left to wallow in its own disgusting cocoon of fluids.
The unicorn did his best to not look at the floor inside, in case whoever made that smell... was there. He didn’t want to see another dead body, his father had been enough… instead, Lightning focused on the drawers and bookcases lining the walls. Most had been ripped open and emptied, most likely looted.
Between a couple of shelves, somepony had written on the wall.
You reap what you sow
The words ‘reap’ and ‘sow’ had been crossed over hastily, and underneath them, somepony had instead scribbled ‘rape’ and saw’. Perhaps the pony that wrote the original text had changed his or her mind... Lightning averted his eyes from the line of text; the words made him feel uneasy.
Another line of graffiti came into view, a bit to the right of the other one.
Can you hear them?
In silence they scream
Do their cries fall upon deaf ears?
Alone, their worlds tear on its seams
As they lose their precious years
Can you hear them?
The poem didn’t make any sense to him, yet he felt something inside of him when he read through it. He couldn’t explain it, but he was sure he’d heard these words before; somewhere… the words meant something to him. The more he tried to remember, the more it felt as if someone groped around inside his head.
The stallion was pulled out of his deep thoughts, however, as a loud sound made his blood freeze. A scream. A terrified shriek that made his skin crawl, echoing from far away. He couldn’t make out if it came from a mare or a stallion, mainly due to the fact that it didn’t sound like a pony at all.
Even though he was sure he would regret it, he filled his lungs with air. “Hello? Can you hear me?!” His yell echoed through the empty hallways. “I.. I can help you!”
After a few seconds, another scream answered him. This time, it sounded different, strained.
Buck it... Some pony is out there. Dying, alone.
“Don’t stop screaming!” He called out, and set off into the building without knowing exactly where he was supposed to go. He followed the screams, with a new found determination burning within him. He might be a monster, a killer and a coward. But he would not let this poor pony die. He still had a bit of empathy left in him.
Lightning rushed through the long hallways, and eventually heard the screaming getting closer, louder. He was almost there now; soon he would perhaps meet the only other pony alive in this place. He rounded a corner, his mind filled with thoughts of another friendly face, no matter how bruised or bloody it was. Somepony to help, some sort of purpose in this hell.
He skidded to a stop as he finally found the pony calling out for him. His former determination quickly washed away, replaced by fear. His eyes wanted to close themselves in instinct, the scene in front of him to otherworldly to take in.
In front of him, a pony hung from the ceiling, strung up in strange hoses and tubes. One tube on each leg, with the hooves partially covered by them, it looked as if something was feeding through these hoses. They disappeared into the walls around the pony.
Another scream escaped the pony’s mouth, muffled and distorted due to the mask covering its head. A mask that looked exactly like the one he’d seen earlier, except it was black instead of white, and it didn’t have a green canister like the other one. Instead, a long hose came out of the snout, going downwards, connecting with the pony around its belly.
Due to the mask it was impossible to determine if it was male or female, but as Lightning’s eyes traveled down below the end of the hose, he could clearly see that it was a mare. The poor pony’s legs had all been spread out in the air by the tubes, stretched out and clearly broken.
He didn’t feel any arousal or disgust over seeing the mares reproductive organs spread out in front of him, only pity. What made his stomach twist was the fact that it had been closed shut with metal clamps, creating horrible wounds in her flesh.
“Sweet mother of Celestia.. Who did this to you..?” He whispered, unable to speak properly.
The mare answered with another scream. He had to help her down, but he was too afraid to approach her. Suddenly, a humming noise filled the room, and the mare began writhing uncontrollable. Before Lightning’s eyes, suction built up in the tubes, and slowly but surely, the legs of the mare disappeared deeper into them.
Lightning could do nothing but watch as the pony screamed in pain. And to his terror, he could see something else, something that made him cry out in dread. Something moved inside the mare’s stomach.
A horrible tearing sound echoed across the room as the clamps got ripped out of her flesh. The tubes had reached her shoulders, and the moment before the limbs broke off one by one, something tore its way out of the mares bleeding body. It fell to the floor with a wet splash as the mare finally split in pieces, blood and entrails raining down upon the creature on the floor.
It moved slightly in the pool of blood and flesh, and Lightning could see something reaching out of the red mess. A small, trembling hoof. He cringed as he realized it was a small baby crawling around in the remains of its mother. His heart split as he watched the poor little foal roll around, covered in blood.
Slowly, he took a few steps towards the foal. His stomach threatened to hurl itself up his throat, but he couldn’t just leave the poor thing here. As the unicorn came closer, the foal opened its mouth and started crying.
Normally, that would be a good thing, a sign that the baby was healthy, but this... wasn’t good. It made Lightning’s head hurt, and he groaned in pain, unable to move. The cry was unnatural, tearing into his flesh. Lightning started to cry as well, his screams mending together with that of the foal.
The bloody foal started to crawl towards him, still screaming. Without knowing what he did, he backed away from it. He thought his heart would stop any second; this was too much, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to get away from this… this thing.
He hastily looked around to find an exit. Once he spotted a door to his left, he was sure his ears had started bleeding. Lightning dashed towards it, doing his best to not look back at the pathetic creature on the ground.
The young stallion threw his body against the door, and it slammed open under his weight. And once again, he fell. For some reason, there was nothing on the other side of the door except air. Below him, he could see some bushes approach fast.
At least he would have a soft landing.
Lightning groaned slightly as he crawled out of the bushes that broke his fall. As he came out in the open, he sighed deeply and let himself fall flat on his stomach. The feel of grass against his body was such an amazing feeling, salvation in the form of green little straws. But once he let himself relax, the pain from earlier came back.
In his wild chase to find the screaming pony, it had all gone away momentarily, and his body had been put in a state of pure adrenaline, numbing everything. Now it came back with full force once again, and the unicorn winced from the sudden onslaught of aching throughout his body.
His teeth grinded against each other as he slowly rolled over on his back. Blinking his eyes several times, he wasn’t sure if what he was seeing in front of him was actually real. In the lower part of his vision, parallel to his hind legs, a massive wall stretched out, made out of decayed brickwork, covered in moss and plants. Windows had either been broken or closed shut with boards and wood. In the middle of the wall, the door he fell through still remained open, moving slightly in the breeze.
From the outside, it sure didn’t look like a hospital. More like a factory or warehouse.
But it wasn’t the building itself that made him question reality, it was what he saw beyond it, high up in the skies. A thick veil of clouds covered the sky, and he could see the light of the sun, trying to shine its way through. Just a few rays could penetrate the thick mist, and them, just like the clouds, where green.
A sickly, pale green color, with an undertone of grey. It reminded him of the algae that could be seen in the ponds and pools in Manehatten, long since forgotten and left to be reclaimed by nature. If he ever made it out of this place alive, he promised himself he would never get in contact with that damn color ever again. Maybe dye his mane, just to be sure.
If I make it out alive..
Upon finishing that thought, it finally dawned on him that he might die here, without even knowing where the hay he was. Would anypony miss him? Probably not. Both his parents gone, no friends, no family. He was nothing more than another one of the millions of dots of ink covering the canvas they called life. Him disappearing wouldn’t make any difference to anypony. Another dot would soon fill the void he left.
Lightning moved his head slightly upwards, so that he could see what was behind him. He would of course see it up-side-down, if there was anything there to see. He exhaled in pain as his neck strained. All he could see from the ground was more bushes and a few trees. They were dead, dried away into nothing but grey skeletons with branches reaching up towards the heavens, like fingers trying to grab something, anything that might carry them off to the next life.
Grey moss hung from the branches, along with a few cobwebs that somehow had survived. And in one string of the moss, something had been tied into it. He squinted, and thought it looked like some sort of paper.
It wasn’t much, but it was all he had to go on, and slowly, he started to raise himself up from the ground. He wished he could have stayed in the soft grass forever, forget everything. Melt away until nothing but his mane was left, matching the color of the straws. Become one with the soil.
Once he took a few steps forward, his mind felt groggy, and he had trouble keeping his balance, but it wasn’t enough to really do him any harm. He stopped for a moment and shook his head back and forth a few times, as if to shake the grogginess away. It worked, as his mind became somewhat clearer. On his way towards the tree, he noticed the area around him was completely silent. No birds, no wind, no sounds of life whatsoever. But there should be some sort of sound, there had to be a city or something nearby, why would there otherwise be a hospital here..?
When he approached the tree, he could see beyond it, and what he saw made him gasp in surprise.
Before him lay what looked like a small town. Or at least, what was left of it. What once must have been a beautiful and idyllic little town was now nothing but ruins. The houses had crumbled; the color of the walls had long since withered away, along with its inhabitants. Everywhere, different states of destruction met his eyes, yet oddly enough, ever building seemed to share one specific characteristic: none of them had any ceilings.
From his place up on the hill the hospital had been built on, he could clearly see that they had roofs before, but it seemed to had disappeared for some reason. Chimneys and broken beams of support could be seen in the empty space left behind.
Several buildings had already collapsed completely, leaving nothing but piles of wood and bricks, slowly getting reclaimed by nature as it spread across the town. A river twisted and turned its way through town, and several bridges crossed the water. Water that had turned green, just like the skies, and the bridges had collapsed into the murky depths, resting on the bottom, probably already covered in mud.
Next to the river in the center of an open space in the middle of town, a tall building towered over all the others. It had probably been even taller back in its day though; now it had given way somewhere in the middle, and the upper floors had plummeted downwards, burying the lower lever and the street in debris.
So I’m not in Manehattan anymore..
But he still had no idea where he was. He’d never seen this town before, in fact, he’d never seen any town except Manehattan. And the busy streets and massive buildings of his hometown looked so different from this little village. It had probably been a nice place to live, prior to its complete destruction and deterioration.
Lightning watched the decrepit town before him in silence. It chilled him to the bone thinking about what might have caused this to happen, but at the same time he couldn’t help but see it as almost.. poetic. The way nature slowly took back what belonged to it painted a beautiful picture, horrid as it were, and the green rays of sunlight gave it all a look and feel of sickness. As if the town had died slowly as decease, corruption and pain slowly ate its way into its heart.
After a few seconds, Lightning averted his eyes from the town, and instead turned his attention to the piece of paper in the tree. Up close, he could see that it was neatly rolled up and securely tied together with a string. Why somepony would go through the trouble to fix it like this and then place it in the moss, he had no idea, and he didn’t really think about it as he grabbed it and yanked it free. For some reason, it felt unbelievably heavy in his hooves. More like he was holding a rock, and not paper.
He undid the string with his teeth, and the paper roller out flat in his hoof. He frowned as he realized it was empty. Nothing that could help him to be found on it. Lightning was just about to throw it away when he saw a tiny, faded text in one of the corners. He squinted to see what it said.
I’m always watching you
Slowly, fear seeped into his mind. Even though he’d been through so much and been subjected to so much terror, these words filled him to the brim. If an emotion could be turned into a liquid substance, it would probably ooze out of him. A clear liquid, saturated with fear, terror, horror and agony. Like stigmata, pouring out of his eyes. Beads of sweat ran down his forehead as he flipped the paper around.
A picture. It was a picture. One he knew all too well. Three ponies looked at him from the paper, two of them smiling happily, while the third one was busy with other more pressing matters. It still smiled though, but at his mother’s hoof he was playing with. His lips quivered as tears built up in his eyes.
“Mom..” A tear fell on the picture, soaking the old paper.
More words had been written across the picture, but unlike the ones on the back, these where big and clear. They made him tremble in anger.
ROT
IN
HELL
Lightning’s breath became harder, anger building up inside him. Somepony had stolen this picture, and desecrated it. Insulted his family. His voice shook as he yelled out into the quiet air.
“.. You think this is funny?! You sick fucking bastard!”
Somepony was playing with him. This all had to be that; a game. A game for some twisted pony who got his kicks from seeing other ponies squirm in agony and fear. He spun around in his place, trying to catch a glimpse of this pony.
“Do you see me now?! Show yourself, you disgusting cocksucker!”
But of course, nopony answered or made themselves known. He was alone with nothing but his anger. Lightning kept on yelling out profanities until his anger finally subsided and instead turned into tears. He sat down in the cold grass, slouching down into a miserable heap. He still held the picture, and he gently pressed his snout against his mother’s face.
“.. Mom... I miss you...” His tears traveled down his face and unto the paper, soaking it even more. His shoulders shivered as he sobbed loudly. Her death had been an accident, they said. A terrible, terrible accident and nopony was to blame. But Lightning knew better than to believe that, he knew the truth. The official explanation had been that she hit her head when she fell down the stairs outside their apartment, and that she then choked on her own blood.
It was a lie. A lie orchestrated by his father and his contacts within court and law enforcement. And he had a good lawyer. Everypony bought his act as the traumatized husband who’d just lost his wife. Nopony could believe that their close friend had actually finally lost it and took her life away. Lightning heard it all, and would never forget his mother’s cries. Followed by dead silence.
That had been the incident that broke something inside the unicorn. Something flipped in him, never to return to its normal state. In the heat of the moment, he’d actually laughed. He enjoyed seeing his own father, his own flesh and blood, breaking down like a child. Sorrow bears heavy on one’s mind, and it can change somepony into something they’re not.
He didn’t feel any remorse as he subjected his father to the cruel punishment he deserved. Felt no disgust as he finally got to remove the parts of his father’s body that had caused him so much agony. No more balls, no more pain. His death had not been quick. The young unicorn didn’t even react as his father’s colon emptied itself in his dying moment. Lightning hid the body in his own apartment for a few days, but eventually the stench became too much, and he had to get rid of it.
After that, his memories turned into a haze, and he couldn’t remember anything else until the moment he woke up in the hospital.
The walk down to the town had been easy. Nothing stood in his way, no obstacles or fears. If it hadn’t been for the green sky, it could have been just an everyday walk in the autumn breeze. As he approached the town boarders, a sign came into his view. It had been broken down and weathered by the elements, but it was still somewhat clear.
PONYVILLE
He’d never heard the name before, but now he at least knew where he was. Not that it would do him any good though; he would probably never find his way home again. And the only thing that awaited him there was a corpse.
Lightning made his way across one of the few bridges that hadn’t broken down yet, and found himself in the open space with the destroyed tower in the middle. He thought it must’ve been the town square at one point. He circled around the rubble surrounding the tower, trying not to get too close. He turned away from it, and instantly his heart stopped. A massive, pink pony stood before him, towering high above him. It didn’t have a head.
Once his initial shock subsided, he realized that it was merely a statue, perfectly decapitated. The head was nowhere to be seen. Moss and ivy had begun to grow over it, hanging from the broken neck like green tendrils and muscles.
The unicorn backed away from the statue, and quickly spun around. As he searched around the square some more, he couldn’t find anything else of interest or importance, just rubble and debris from the broken buildings. As he was about to leave and head further into the town, a movement caught his eyes. A piece of paper moved slightly across the ground. It wasn’t like the picture he’d found, but looked to be some sort of newspaper.
LOCAL FILLIES FOUND DEAD
As the morning sun rose yesterday, residents of Ponyville woke up to a horrible sight. The three fillies, that had disappeared a few days prior, were found dead outside their school. It was their teacher whom made the discovery, and she is currently being treated in Ponyville Hospital. Her state is said to be “traumatized, but otherwise in good condition”. We’ve reached out to the families of the children, but they did not want to comment the incident. The cause of death is still unknown.
More on Page 5
It seemed this town had its fair share of tragedy before it fell. No doubt, the death of these children weighed heavy on the ponies in town. Perhaps such a tragedy is what started its downfall. Lightning carefully turned the newspaper around, but to his disappointment – or perhaps relief – page 5 had been torn out.
A shiver ran through his body as a clap of thunder echoed nearby. Instantly, the heavens opened up and rain poured down upon him. Sadness once again struck him, and he lowered his head. The newspaper on the ground before him started to dissolve from the rain, the ink turning the paper into a black mess.
Eventually, the ink started to stream along the ground, like black blood seeping out of the last memories of the children. Lightning observed it in silence as the rain soaked him to the bone. Perhaps it could wash away his sins. Not until he started to freeze from the cold rain did he decide to move. Slowly, he walked on through the town, still with his head low. Somehow, the rain seemed to instill him with sadness, even more so than he already felt.
Lightning stopped as he placed his hoof down on another sign, this one broken beyond repair. He tried to read it through the heavy rain.
Su
be
C rn
It was impossible to make out any coherent words, and there didn’t seem to be any building nearby that would have use of a sign. He ignored it, and instead continued his slow walk through the ruins and rubbles. Thunder rumbled above his head, often followed by lightning clashing violently. He didn’t mind any of it. He had many phobias and fears, and so far he’d been subjected to almost every one of them, even in order of which ones had the most impact on him.
Thunder and lightning was not part of it.
There was so much destruction around him that he after a while felt numb to it. He didn’t pay it any attention, and instead tried to focus on just finding a way out of there, finding a way home.
He got torn out of his thoughts abruptly as he without warning smashed his left hoof into something solid. He yelled out in anger, but got quiet as he saw what it was that had caused him harm.
Standing in front of him, a bid wooden sign. Signs everywhere… The edge of the sign was decorated with beautiful carvings on a wooden board that outlined the entire sign, and on the sides two poles looked as if they held it in place. He’d hit his hoof on the massive stone circle that the sign had been placed on. Flowers had probably grown on top of the circle ones, now it was nothing but weeds and dead plats.
The sign itself was still well preserved compared to the others he’d seen, even if the color seemed to have faded with time. Where it once probably was pink or violet, it was now much more watered down and pale, with an image of an open book in the middle.
Above the book two ponies had been depicted, with a heart between them. And for some reason, the sign had been split in half down the middle. Not a uneven cut or tear no, it was a perfect straight line, effectively cutting right through the middle of both the heart and the book.
Lightning tore his eyes from the sign and looked beyond it.
Could this be the school?
It sure looked like one, with swing sets and other similar things you’d expect to find on a playground. The schoolhouse itself lay in ruins. Broken down, shards of glass covered the area around it. The door hung loosely on its hinges, and on the walkway leading up to it, a big church bell had buried itself partially in the ground. On top of the roof, he could see remnants of what had probably been a small tower that housed the clock.
A Lightning quietly stepped inside the building, the sounds of the storm outside seemed to disappear completely. He wasn’t sure if he liked the silence or not. Nevertheless, he took some time to look around the room he was in. it was big, probably taking up all the space on this floor.
Broken remnants of school desks lay scattered across the room, as well as pages from torn apart books, glass from the windows. On the furthest wall away from him, he could see a chalkboard hanging crookedly on the wall. The floor beneath it was covered in some sort of white substance. As he came closer, his initial thought was that it was bird droppings, but when he could see it more clearly, he understood that it was actually chalk. Somepony had written all over the board, creating this pile of finely grinded chalk.
The entire board was indeed covered with writings, so much so that the black board itself was almost impossible to make out through it. And in the middle, somepony had written something, using the white chalk as outlines and the black board underneath as the actual words.
Ring-a-round a rosie,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall down.
BURN THEM
The writings made him shudder. The first part seemed to be some sort of song, though no song he’d ever heard of. The letters where narrow and thin, perfectly spaced out, yet still with a few quirks and mistakes here and there. As if a child had spent a lot of time to make it perfect. The words underneath was all but perfect, hastily written with crooked letters.
Burn who..?
He didn’t need to think on it for long. The moment the question popped up in his head, he understood whom the words referred to. Burn the children to ashes.
Lightning felt the urge to leave. Everything about this place made him worried, and thinking back to the newspaper he’d read, even more so. As he turned around to walk outside, a powerful flash of lightning illuminated to room. He was sure he could see the outlines of children in the sudden flash. He hurried to the door. When he came close, he saw something to his left that he didn’t notice on his way in; a flagpole. He couldn’t see the top from inside the building, but he could still see something hanging up there. He hoped it was just a flag.
As he stepped outside, he could see that it was not a flag. Nor anything one would ever expect to see in a flagpole. The sight was so gruesome, he couldn’t even move, and just looked up at it with his eyes wide open, even though he wanted to close them and shut out what he saw.
Hanging on a chain from the top of the pole was a filly. It had been attached to the chain by a big meat hook, piercing through one of its hind legs. Its other limbs hung dead, streams of blood running along its body, soaking into its filthy coat.
Finally able to move once the shock subsided, Lightning couldn’t do anything but whimper as he watched the frail body. It had probably been a Pegasus, since two gaping wounds adorned the sides of its back, exposing part of the ribcage and entrails. He wanted to run away once again, but he couldn’t, he was frozen in place. Not by the wounds, the hook or the blood, but by the rusty metal rod that had been pushed straight through the body. Going all the way from anus to mouth, the poor child had been skewered like a pig.
Lightning’s legs gave way, and he fell on his backside, his mind ripped apart from what he saw. He cried once again, for probably the thousand time since he woke up. For a second he wondered how much tears he could have left.
A movement caught his eyes.
Please, let it be the wind moving it, please let it be the wind…
The dead child twitched slightly. Lightning’s heart started to beat harder, threatening to pop out of his chest. He wanted to scream as the body started to move its limbs, slowly jerking and writhing around as if it tried to get loose.
I want to wake up from this… it’s not real…
The child opened its mouth. The unicorns heart broke into a million pieces when a cry escaped its lips, a horrible cry. Once he heard it, it felt like his entire world fell apart, crumbled into dust. He tried to get up, to get away, but his legs refused to obey him and he tumbled back into the damp grass, still with the cries of the child ringing in his ears.
His vision started to fade as the cries became even louder, to a point that it hurt his ears. Lightning couldn’t feel his body anymore, and he understood that he was about to pass out. All the horrors he’d seen so far, all the fear and terror he’d experienced, could compare to this. His strong, almost primal fear, made a reality before his eyes. The fear of children crying.
Before the world finally went dark, a thought snuck into his mind. This was his last phobia, the final one before his innermost fear, the final horror deep inside him. He dreaded the thought of it becoming a reality. The last thing he saw was the filly’s coat and mane. A beacon of colors in the endless sea of gray and green.
Orange and cerise.
Several glass bottles littered the table. Most of them cider and whiskey, all of them emptied, save a few drops in the bottom. Next to the small table stood a couch, black in color, but use and filth had torn it into an almost grey shade. In it, a white unicorn lay, all but knocked out from the large amounts of alcohol in his system. He was on his stomach, his head hanging from the edge of the couch, his mouth partially open with the tongue hanging out of it.
A small puddle of saliva had gathered on the floor beneath him.
His legs had been spread out across the rough pillows made out of fake leather, and it looked as if he’d been tossed into the couch like a discarded ragdoll. If it wasn’t for the uneven movement of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled, one might had thought him dead.
If somepony had looked at the passed out Lightning Quill through the bottles on the table, the uneven glass would have probably distorted the image, making him look like the freak he thought himself to be. It would paint the crooked image he had of himself.
The room itself was a rather small one, the smell of alcohol thick in the air, mixed with the stench of sweat and self-loathing. The only light came from the window, a golden-grey shine from the outside town. The gloomy rays illuminated Lightning, but not much else. Not that there was anything else to see. The couch, currently occupied by said drunk, the table, an extra chair, a few shelves with old pictures of family and friends. Most of them had been broken now though.
It was a rather small living room, but Lightning had no choice in the matter. He had taken anything, just to get away. Away from his father, away from the memories. Even though his father’s abuse had stopped as Lightning got older and his mother passed away, the scars would never heal. Not until the unicorn actually moved into an apartment to call his own did he realize just how much he hated himself. He had escaped from one darkness, and ran straight into another. Drinking.
Constant drinking. Whatever he could get ahold of, no matter how much alcohol was in it. He craved it, needed it like a drug, as if it was the one thing that kept him alive. When he drank, he forgot about his childhood, didn’t have to think about what his father did. He felt better, could pretend he’d had a normal life. But as soon as he became sober, the memories and pain came back in an instant, even worse than before. It was in this time, that frail state of being between sober and drunk, that he finally dared to accept the truth.
His father had abused him. Raped his own son, his own flesh and blood. And it was Lightning’s fault.
This stallion that caused him so much pain, the stallion that brought him to life in the first place. It had been quick, and accident. His father wasn’t trying to hide that from him. They never meant to have a child. But they did, and then the very thing that created him slowly tore his life away from him, slowly ripped his soul apart.
Lightning was sure his father did what he did because of this, because he was a mistake and a failure. He deserved it.
And so he drank. The more he got in him, the more distant these thoughts grew. He tried to drink, drug and fuck his memories away. It worked for a while, until he realized that through his behavior, he was no better than his own father. So he focused on drinking, and nothing more. No more sex or drugs, no more momentary gratification. He wasn’t like his father.
A squeaking sound penetrated the still air of the room, effectively eliminating the alcohol induced silence. Lightning moved in the couch, slowly and fluidly, the same way one looks when their underwater. And his head felt just like that, the pressure inside his ears and the fear of breathing, fear of inhaling something that did not belong in ones lungs.
The young unicorn lifted his head, and instantly felt his inside move. Without time to react, he hurled straight into the air in front of him. It mixed with the saliva on the floor. He coughed, a bitter taste filing his mouth. His mind was too foggy for him to understand what he was doing, and he tried to spit out the taste. It didn’t work. As he tried to get up from the couch, his vision started spinning, and he slipped forward in the puddle on the floor. As he fell, his horn instantly lit up, like it was ready to attack.
Lightning hit the table with his forelegs, sending the bottles flying into the air around him. Through his eyes, it all happened in slow-motion, until they hit ground. The sound of shattering glass was so loud, he was sure his eardrums would burst. It made his entire body vibrate, and once again he tumbled and fell, this time straight unto the floor. His body flipped around in the fall, and he landed on his back.
He wheezed as air escaped his lungs, and tears welled up in his eyes as shards of the bottles tore into his back and legs. But he was too drunk and groggy to even feel the pain, and he didn’t get up. He could feel something warm streaming across his back. The ceiling above him stared down at him, and he stared back at it. Waited for it to say something. Maybe it did, and he didn’t hear it.
If it did, what would it say to him? Perhaps a huge maw would open itself up there, ready to swallow him. Lightning closed his own mouth quickly, fearing that perhaps he himself was the ceiling, and if he didn’t close it he would swallow himself.
Instead he breathed through his nose, uneven and rough. A smell filled his nostrils, crept into his lungs, filled them up, and then travelled back up into his brain. From there, it could control him, seep into every part of his body. The smell was the only thing he seemed to be able to register, and it made him sick. The smell of semen. It filled the air in the room.
He didn’t remember anything, couldn’t remember how that smell ended up around him. But it was still just another reason for him to feel disgusted by himself. He hated that smell, since it reminded him not only of his father, but also of his own debauchery earlier in life.
As the ceiling started to lower itself towards him, Lightning closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep again. Hopefully he would wake up somewhat sober. Probably with a splitting headache, but still sober. Then he could begin to clean this mess up.
In his dreams, a loud banging noise filled his head. For a moment, he thought it was the sound of his father banging on the door, or the sound of his own tiny hooves as they hit the bedframe underneath his father as he…
He opened his eyes. The banging still echoed inside his head. It wasn’t just a dream, it was real, and somepony was making that sound. For some reason. Lightning moved his head slightly to the left, where he thought he would see the clock on the wall. He did, but it was impossible to tell what time it was. The arms of the clock spun around the deck like crazy.
He groaned deeply. As Lightning slowly rolled around to get up on his hooves, he promised himself dearly to never ever drink again. Of course, he would break that promise in just a few days. The room spun around him as he slowly headed towards the door leading into the small room that served as hallway or entrance.
That smell still followed him, and he cringed. A thought of surgically removing his testicles built up in his head. Then maybe he would never have that aroma fill his mind again. Maybe it would give him peace. And it would guarantee he would never follow in his father’s hoof steps and…
The banging sound grew louder as he exited the living room. It came from the direction of the kitchen, and thankfully, not the bathroom. If it came from the kitchen, it would mean that somepony was knocking on his apartment door, which was located right next to the door into the kitchen. If it had come from the bathroom… He shuddered, but that might have just been a side effect from his drinking and slow sobering.
Somepony was knocking on his door. He should open.
The handle on the door spun around like the arms on the clock, and refused to stay still long enough for him to open it. Frustrated, he gave up his attempts of placing his hoof on it, and instead directed his magic to it, pressed it down. The door slid open inwards, coming to a stop as the small chain connected between it and the wall halted it.
Lightning peaked outside into the staircase. The worried face of a mare met him. A middle-aged mare with dark cyan coat and even darker purple mane. His neighbor, Flying Free.
Stupid name...
“Uh... Miss Free, I uh...” He stuttered, his voice sounding sleepy. It clearly showed just how drunk he was. She was about 20 years older, but didn’t look a year older than himself. She was a good neighbor, and really seemed to care about the other ponies around her. One of the few mares he’d never slept with.
“Lightning, what.. Are you okay?” She asked with her typical, worried voice. Like that of a mother asking her child if it enjoyed school, even though she knew her child was being bullied constantly.
Yeah, sure, I’m fine. I’m drunk off my flank and feel like shit; I tripped over the table and probably cut open my entire back when I slipped on my own vomit, I feel like jumping off from my balcony and I’m a disgusting pig living in my own filth and cum, and there’s a dead body in the bathroom, it’s started to smell a bit actually. So yeah, I’m perfectly fine. So how’s your day?
“I’m fine, it’s nothing.” He said back to her, trying to keep his voice steady. Still, her eyes seemed to be swaying back and forth, melting together then parting again.
“Are you sure?” Flying pushed on. “You don’t look too good... And I heard a loud bang.”
You hear ONE loud bang and decide to land a thousand loud bangs on my door? Screw logic.
“I just... I had a bit too much to drink, and I tripped. That’s all.”
“Oh, well... Be careful not to hurt yourself, okay? And call me if there’s any problem.”
Lightning nodded slowly. “I will. Thanks, Free.”
“Call me Fly, not Free. That makes me sound…” A shy smile played over her lips. “It makes me sound ugly, I think.”
That’s why I’ve never fucked her… She’s ugly.
“Fly, then.” Lightning said back to her, and then added a few more words. “You’re ugly and I’m drunk. I can stop drinking.” And with that, he closed the door in her face. He didn’t hear if she said anything to protest against it and he didn’t care. It seemed that he was sobering up faster than he first thought, since the room around him didn’t spin around as much as it did earlier.
He wanted to go to the bathroom and take a shower, but.. It was already occupied. By somepony a lot smellier than him. And Lightning didn’t want to see or smell this pony. Didn’t want to.. acknowledge what he’d done. Instead, he wobbled into the kitchen. He had to support himself on the counter as he slowly dragged himself over to the sink and started the faucet. The sound of running water sparked a desire inside of him, and he once again felt the need to enter the bathroom.
No… I can’t.
He tried his best to ignore it. Lightning put his hooves under the faucet, the cold water feeling like burning ice against his body. He splashed some in his face in his attempts to sober up. It didn’t do much. He used his magic to grab a towel to his left and did his best to jam it into the small hole at the bottom of the sink. The water slowly began to build up in it. Satisfied with this, he turned away from it and saw himself looking back from within the mirror he had next to the pantry.
He didn’t like to see himself anymore. It made him uneasy seeing his own eyes peering back at him. From that other world, beyond the glass. “Who am I?” He quietly asked his reflection. Within in a few seconds, it answered. “Legion.”
Why? For we are many.
With the help of his magic, Lightning grabbed another towel and tucked the edge of it over the top of the mirror. Didn’t want to see himself anymore. The only thing that looked back at him was a monster. He turned back to the sink, and stopped the running water just before it went over the edge.
Legion.
He lowered his face into the water. The surface broke against his skin, feeling as sharp as razors but without any pain. He didn’t close his eyes or mouth, didn’t care to hold his breath. His ears filled up with a pulsating sound as his heartbeat seemed to move up into his skull. A few strands of green hair floated across his vision, and it made him think of seaweed.
Finally, his lungs couldn’t take the lack of air anymore, and his body gasped involuntarily. The cold water seeped into his mouth and down his throat, and he could feel it fill up his lungs. He gaged, but tried to hold it back as his body tried to force him out of the water. His limbs started to twitch, and despite his efforts so stay down, his head flew upwards out of the water.
It sprayed around him, his mane flicking around his face in the movement, creating an almost perfect green circle around him, followed by the clear water. He fell backwards and landed on his backside, let his back rest against the wall. He’d failed yet again. A coward, a freak, a failure, a monster, the scum of society. A killer. A unicorn capable of taking the life of his father, but not that of himself.
Failure.
The water pooled up around him, dripping off of his soaked head and unto his coat. It didn’t matter if he burst into tears or not, they would not even be visible in his already drenched face. He lowered his head in shame. A screeching sound filled the room as a green aura enveloped a drawer in the counter, and from it, he raised a knife into the air. Levitated it towards himself. Lightning didn’t grab hold of it in his teeth, didn’t need to since he could just use his magic.
One final try...
He angled the blade in the air, the sharp edge of it slightly pricking his leg. He closed his eyes and focused his magic into a stronger current. The blade cut into his flesh, tearing through it with a horrible, ripping sound. He grinded his teeth hard as he moved the blade over his leg, slicing up his coat and skin. It burned sharply, and warm blood began to seep out of the wound. This wasn’t his first attempt at this, and certainly wouldn’t be his last. He was just another one of the countless ponies whom tried or succeeded in ending their life ever year.
We are many. We are Legion.
The sound of streaming water reached Lightning’s ears. It was a slow, eerie sound and it was close, so very close. For a moment, he thought the sound came from inside his head, his brain spilling out through his skull in a thick red soup. Bits of grey substance would already by crushed into a pale slush, mixed up with memories and thoughts.
As he opened his eyes, he was sure to see the face of the filly hanging from the flagpole, now standing over him with the metal rod in its hooves, bringing it down on his head over and over. Or he would see the ground beneath him as he himself hung in the pole, skewered like the poor child. But all he could see was grey, white and green. White squares with grey lines between them, and specks of green spread out across it all. Lightning blinker his eyes, and finally came to the realization that it was tiles, like those of a bathroom.
Covered in moss and strange looking spores that seemed to breathe, moving ever so slightly back and forth, as if they expanded with air and then let it all out again. And the steady sound of water never ceased in its endless flow, echoing all around him in an unnatural way.
As he took a few deep breaths, the smell of the area made itself known, and it was the worst, most sickening smell he’d ever felt, making the stench from the hospital seem like that of roses. It was impossible for him to place the smell, it was completely unknown to him. But the moment that foul aroma made its way into his lungs, something clenched up inside him. He couldn’t stop his own body from hurling, sending a cascade of vomit into his mouth. It forced its way out of his lips and sprayed over his face and neck.
It hit his eyes, and Lightning instantly cried out and rolled around on the floor. Not only did it disgust him, it also burned his eyes, like he’d just gotten salt into them. As he rolled around, water splashed around him, and without giving a second though as to why it was there, he thrust his face down into it, trying to get the vomit out of his eyes. It was cold, and felt strangely solid against his skin. It must’ve been thick with filth.
The unicorn gasped as his lungs screamed for air. Without realizing it, he’d had his face in the water for too long, and he greedily sucked air into his throat. The water around him sprayed into the air as his head flung upwards violently, his mane painting an almost perfect green circle. His back hit a wall behind him, and he let himself sink down on his backside into the cold, thick water.
It was all too familiar.
Why am I tormented like this? Please make it stop...
He could feel his heart beat hard in his chest. Slowly, his eyes wandered down towards his left leg, spread out in the water in front of him. Even though his fur masked most of it, he himself knew about the scars that littered the sin underneath it. He’d lost count of how many they were, lost count of how many times he’d sharpened his knifes, just to make sure it went deep.
“.. Fuck it...” He whispered to himself. “I… I wanna wake up. I don’t want to do this anymore, I.. please; Luna, Dust.. Take me out of this nightmare.”
As a child, he’d prayed every night. As the sun set outside his window, he prayed to Celestia and her sister Luna that his father would perhaps stay away that night. The praying never did him any good, but he kept on doing it, hoping that they could somehow hear him and punish his father for his sins.
They didn’t. Now as a grown up stallion, he no longer prayed to Celestia. Not many ponies did nowadays. They all prayed to Luna and her spouse Dust, the new rulers of Equestria. Except a few patriots that refused to stop acknowledging Celestia and loathed this strange “human” that now ruled next to their princess.
But even these prayers fell upon deaf ears, and nothing but the sound of the streaming water around him answered his pleads.
He banged the back of his head against the wall behind him several times, adding more strength with ever hit. Eventually, his vision started to blur and his mind became a whirlwind of green and black. He felt the world around him spin, moving to his right slowly before it picked up its pace. The left side of his face slammed hard into the floor as he fell on his side.
Suddenly, the cold tiles underneath him felt so comfortable, as if he was resting on nothing but clouds. Lightning smiled and closed his eyes, inviting the darkness of sleep into his mind. It cradled him in its arms, pressed him close in a warm embrace as he laughed in played with one of its hooves…
“Mom!” He shrieked loudly as the dream faded out of his mind. The stallion threw himself up from the floor unto his hooves. Once again his heart raced, and tears welled up in his eyes as he was forced to accept that had been a dream. His mother was gone, and he was stuck in this hell. There was no escape.
Water dripped from his soaked coat, hammering into his skull with every drop. It forced him to stay awake. It wouldn’t let him fall asleep unless it wanted him to. He had no choice than to look closely at his surroundings. He did his best not to breathe through his snout, afraid that it might make him throw up again.
The room he was in was narrow, barely a few meters across. There probably would be room for more than one more pony next to him. The walls had been dressed in filthy white tile, and all sorts of strange mushrooms and plants grew across them. The floor and ceiling had been covered in the same tiles and plants as well, making it look like some sort of sick organ, and the steady flow of muddy water on the floor just contaminated it even more.
Behind him, he found nothing more than another wall and a narrow iron grid down by the floor from which the water came. In the other direction, the same as the water flowed to, he could see nothing but more water and plants. An endless tunnel. Hopefully there would be a way out at the end of it.
How the hell did I get here..?
Hesitantly, Lightning followed the stream down the tunnel. As he walked on through the shallow water, the earlier smell disappeared slowly, being replaced by that familiar smell of excrements and urine. After the time he’d spent in this place, he thought himself to be immune to it, and didn’t pay the smell much attention.
After what felt like hours, the unicorn had to stop to take a break. There was something in the air, something that made it heavier to breathe, and he panted heavily as he tried to relax and gather his strength. Something hard bumped against his back leg. Instinctively he raised his leg up, removing it from the object that hit him. A moment later, it came floating in the water between his fore legs.
It was a somewhat big object, grey in color, shaped like a square. As it passed him, Lightning could clearly see the tattered image and letters adorning it.
Daring Do…
It was his old book, the Sapphire Stone…
Lightning wanted to reach out and grab it, but he couldn’t. Even though his muscles practically yelled at him to pick it up, they refused to obey him, freezing him in place. Daring Do slowly drifted away in the filthy water, and soon the book had disappeared in the distance.
Once he could control his muscles again, he continued his walk down the tunnel. but no matter how long or fast he walked, never did he catch up to the book. It was as if it had vaporized somehow, dissolving and becoming part of the water. Black ink in this endless river of green and brown.
Lightning didn’t stop or slow down his pace as the next object came floating past him, this one a piece of a torn apart picture, partially dissolved by the water. But he could still see his father’s smiling face on the paper. It made him sick, and with no second thoughts as to what he did, he brought his hoof down on the paper, causing it to break into several parts. He kept on stamping on it until there was nothing but a crumbled up mess left of it.
Somehow, the remains of the image floated faster than him, and quickly disappeared. He didn’t offer it any more thought, except the constant hate towards his father.
The monotonous pattern seemed endless, and eventually he couldn’t feel his legs anymore, and they trotted on without him even noticing it. They carried him to the end of this smelly tunnel, no matter what he found there. Once again, he took no notice of the next object in the water; his Wonderbolts poster, ripper in shreds. It floated past him as well, and he could care less.
All he wanted to do was get out of here, and nothing would stop him now.
Finally, he could see something off in the distance. A bleak light at the end, and what looked like a room. He kicked up his pace into a gallop, eager to put this dreadful place behind him. Lightning tripped over something floating in the water and almost fell, but he managed to keep his balance and didn’t slow down until he emerged into the room.
As he did, he instantly dug his hooves into the floor, trying to stop himself. In front of him a giant hole opened up in the floor, seemingly bottomless with nothing but blackness in it. Something oozed out of it. Evil. There was no other way to describe it, nothing else that it could be. Pure, strong, uncontrollable evil, seeping out of this hole like it was the throat of something much bigger, and its breath capable of sucking hope out of everything and everypony.
Blackness. Hate.
But it wasn’t this onslaught of clean emotions that stopped Lightning, nor the edge of the hole; it was what he saw above the abyss that made his skin crawl and his heart literally stop. Hanging from the ceiling in several rusty chains, a mare looked down upon him. She had tears in her eyes, and for some reason a smile on her lips. A smile that normally would have made him feel safe and secure, but now only built up panic inside him.
The moment he saw her, he remembered the other mare he’d encountered, and her fate.
This... No, she’s not real… she can’t be...
His breath became erratic as he looked up at her, remembering everything about her, and every new memory was like a knife to his heart. Her shiny white coat and equally shiny blonde mane, and those bright blue eyes he loved so much. He had to do something, had to get her down fast.
“No… no, no nonononononno!” He shouted frantically as he ran around the black abyss, looking for something to get her down with, some way to get ahold of those chains. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you down!” His voice was thick with tears.
“.. Quilly...” The mare whispered to him.
“Don’t talk, just try to hold on!” He shouted back at her. In vain, he tried to fire up his horn, which instead only resulted in a massive headache. Slowly, the mare blinked away a few tears and looked back at him.
“… It’s alright.” She whispered. “You don’t have to be afraid, Lightning. It’s okay.”
“Please, don’t say that...” Lightning sobbed as he sat himself down on the cold floor. He knew she was right; there was nothing he could do to save her. It was useless to try anymore, he understood.
“There’s nothing you can do, sweetheart. I’m already dead and buried.” Her voice was calm, but her eyes welled up with tears. “… I’m sorry I didn’t help you. You needed me, but I was too afraid.”
“I forgave you a long time ago..” Lightning answered. “I don’t blame you, it was all my fault..”
“No, Lightning. It wasn’t your fault. I.. your father, he… I’m sorry.” The mare said back to him.
A loud sound silenced them both as one of the chains broke off at the middle. It swung downwards through the air, and a straining sound accompanied it as it tugged hard on the mare’s leg. Now only one chain held her up in the air.
Lightning lowered his head and let his tears flow freely. He didn’t care anymore, all he wanted to do was cry until he couldn’t cry more, and then fall dead. He knew what would happen to the mare, and he didn’t want to see it.
“Lightning.. you.. If you can forgive me, you need to forgive him as well. He always loved you, I know he did.”
I killed him.
“I know you did.” The mare answered, as if she could read his mind. “It doesn’t matter now. I just hope you can find it in your heart to be the better stallion… Don’t follow in your father’s hoof steps.”
Lightning wanted to answer her, but he couldn’t. He was crying too much, and as he tried to talk he couldn’t utter anything else than gurgling sounds and sobs. He was sure his heart had been split in a thousand pieces.
“Quilly, sweetheart... Look at me.”
He didn’t look at her.
“Don’t cry, it’s fine. I don’t care what you have or haven’t done; you’ll always be my little Quilly. I’ll always love you.”
Finally, Lightning managed to speak, though his voice was thick of tears and he had problems getting his message across, sobbing and stuttering. “I… I love you too, mom.”
Another loud sound echoed across the room, and Lightning clenched his eyes shut as hard as he could. Everything went silent around him, except his own sobbing and cries. This was the last and final fear he’d thought before he passed out in front of the school. The one thing he couldn’t take. The one thing that finally made his heart and mind break, the one thing that made him truly want to die. He didn’t care about anything else; he just wanted to be with his mom again, no matter the cost.
Still crying, he stood up on his hooves. With his eyes pinned to the floor, the walked straight ahead towards the abyss.
He didn’t jump. He didn’t plan how he should land, and he didn’t care. He just walked on and felt his hooves float into the air. He tumbled forward and spun around in the air, feeling the darkness of the abyss wrap itself around him.
I want to wake up.
The fall didn’t kill him. Nor did he wake up. In fact, nothing happened as the winds tugging on him stopped, no pain came to him as he felt his hooves touch ground. It was as if the gravitation around him had been altered the moment before impact, sparing his life.
For more torture…
Beneath his hooves, a shiny white floor met his gaze. Cold and solid, crafted from purest marble. Yet somehow his hooves made no sound as he moved them. The floor stretched out across the area in a perfect circle, and around its edges... nothing but pure blackness. Thick shadows that seemed to move and breathe on their own.
It looked like a vertical, black surface of water, moving as if something lived beneath it. Lightning thought he could see the distinct movements of something long and thin, like eels or snakes, twisting around and creating strange patterns.
The strange substance made him uneasy, and his stomach twisted together with whatever hid underneath the surface. He imagined entrails, slithering and squirming across one another endlessly, coating every inch in their own stomach acids and thick blood. Dripping profusely, perhaps that’s what the black surface was actually made of.
Lightning stayed in his spot, having no desire to get close to the blackness surrounding him. Frozen in place, he couldn’t even scream as something emerged from the black surface in front of him, couldn’t move as the shape of a pony slowly appeared, seemingly made out of the substance from where it came, creating black stains of ooze on the ground beneath it. It writhed and trembled twisting around itself in a movement similar to that of a newborn foal.
Finally, the entire body became visible, and as it did it felt to the floor with a disgustingly loud plop. It started to move spastically on the floor, it’s legs contorting in impossible angles around itself and then it threw its head backwards with a sticky and cracking sound, opening its maw and releasing a horrible screech. High and loud pitched, it tore into Lightning’s mind like the strained sound of something moving across a chalkboard. He wanted to put his hooves over his ears and close out the sound, but still couldn’t move.
Forced to watch this horrendous and pitiful creature before him.
Still with its head tilted upwards and the mouth wide open, something in the screech changed, and it slowly turned into a loud gurgling sound. Lightning’s eyes widened in terror as something bulged out of the creature’s neck, clearly working its way up towards its mouth to escape. A loud sound echoed from its mouth as whatever was in its throat reached its mouth. The creature convulsed and a white liquid spurted out of its mouth. A second later, something else made its way out of its maw.
A shapeless, white object, similar to an orb or an egg, became visible as the white liquid began to gush out in cascades around it. Lightning could see something move inside the strange egg-like object, pushing against it from the outside as if it tried to get out. The smell of rotten fish reached his noise, but he didn’t react to it. The strange creature before him finally went silent and stopped its seizure-like movements, falling dead to the floor with a loud splash.
And then, before the unicorn’s eyes, the body started to strain. Something inside it tried to get out, pushing against it and finally ripping the black substance apart. Rising out of the hollow husk that was the black creature, a new pony stood before him, this one completely white and featureless. The egg that had pushed its way out through the mouth was in fact its head, and it twitched and shook uncontrollably in some sort of seizure.
Lightning still couldn’t move an inch, even though he desperately tried to. His muscles refused to listen to him, and his limbs started to ache the more he pushed himself to move. The white pony in front of him suddenly reared up on its hind legs, towering above him like a faceless executioner. There was nothing on its body that could tell him what it was, no features, no hair, no tail, and no gender. Nothing, not even the slightest line in the creature’s skin. A perfect, sleek body with a perfect sleek face without eyes, snout or mouth. Yet he felt it could still see and smell him.
It didn’t have any hooves either. Instead, the fore limbs that made out its leg narrowed out into sharp needle-like appendages, and in its upright stance, its fore legs almost reached the ground. Despite its hind legs looking the same way, it still showed perfect balance as it started to walk towards Lightning slowly.
And he still couldn’t move. Couldn’t scream.
The creature stopped just a few feet away from him, looking down at him with its twitching head. Slowly, it lowered itself down towards him. The egg-shaped head came closer and a crooked line began to grow across it. Finally, Lightning could open his mouth and scream, clamping his eyes shut tight to close out the nightmare.
The egg cracked.
“You awake, buddy?”
Lightning opened his eyes, expecting to be met by the blank face of the white pony. What he saw instead made his guts twist even more. He saw himself as a young colt in bed, looking up at himself.
“Come on, sit on my lap. We need to have a little talk...”
The voice came out of his mouth, but he didn’t speak the words. From behind his father’s eyes he watched as the young unicorn slowly got up from his bed and did what he was told. As he observed the small colt on his lap, something uncoiled itself inside of him. A feeling of deep and true love. The kind of love only a father could feel for his only son. It made Lightning sick.
Through the body of his father, he felt the abuse of his own little body from beginning to end, and his own feelings of hate seemed to mix with that of his father. He couldn’t fathom how this stallion could possibly feel the love for his son that he apparently did. And then it was over. His father was done, and the only thing he could feel now was his own tears streaming down his right shoulder as the young unicorn cried into his coat. He removed himself from the body of his son and wrapped his arms around him.
“I love you, Lightning.” He whispered. “Don’t’ you ever forget it.” And with those words, he closed his eyes once again.
Lightning opened his eyes once again. Gone was his room, gone was the colt and the abuse. There was only blackness and shadows. He floated through nothingness, drifting endlessly like an empty vessel. As empty as the heart of his father.
Lighting.. Lightning, can you hear me?
He turned around to look in the direction of the voice. It sounded so far off, yet so close. Like somepony trying to talk to him through water. As he turned, the only thing he could see was a blue line in the darkness. Before his eyes, it grew, widened as a face appeared in it.
Can you see me? Lightning, answer me.
“Princess… Luna…?” Lightning whispered.
Yes, Lightning, I’m Luna.
“What… what are you doing here…?”
I have entered your dreams to help you. But I can’t stay for long, I’m not allowed to… You must listen to me, and do exactly as I tell you.
Lightning nodded slowly. As surreal as it was, he wasn’t one to say no to the princess herself.
You can’t keep running away. Stop, turn back, accept the consequences of your actions.
“Princess, I… I don’t understand.”
Turn around.
Suddenly, the blue line in which she had appeared was gone, leaving him alone in the darkness yet again. Without knowing what else to do, he did what she had told him, and turned around. Instantly, he felt his hooves land on something flat, and the darkness around him seemed to withdraw and disappear. Around him, walls appeared, and then a ceiling, high up above him. Pillars formed from the floor, benches materialized on either side of him, and glass melted into windows.
In front of him; an altar. On it, a small figurine stood placed, resembling the sun and the moon, joined together in the middle. And in front of the altar stood another pony. The same one he saw in the hospital, dressed in green coveralls and that strange white mask. It didn’t move, didn’t speak, merely watched him. Still with the princess’ words echoing in his mind, Lightning walked up to it, looked into its eyes through the filthy eye lenses of the mask.
“This where our wedding took place.” The stallion suddenly spoke up in a deep voice, partially distorted by the mask it wore. “I had never been more nervous as when I saw her enter the room. She was most beautiful.”
Lightning squinted his eyes and moved closer to the stallion. After a few seconds of silence, he could finally make out the eyes inside the mask. It all dawned on him.
“Dad…?”
The stallion didn’t answer him, and he didn’t even need to. Lightning instantly saw his father inside the mask; saw his father in the blank eyes staring back at him.
Lightning... you... If you can forgive me, you need to forgive him as well. He always loved you, I know he did.
The words of his mother echoed in his mind. Forgiveness. Forgiveness towards his father, for doing what he did, for turning his body, mind and life into a living hell; a burning inferno of pain and suffering and guilt. Did she expect him to forgive this… monster?
“Lightning Quill…” His father whispered through the mask. “Don’t ever forget that I love you. Please…”
He looked at his father, not with remorse of empathy, but with pure hatred. “I will never forgive you.” He said in a cold voice. “Never. I don’t care what you say or how you feel, I don’t care about what mom and Princess Luna said; I hope you rot in Tartarus forever for what you did to me and mom.”
His father and the church they were standing in dissolved.
Nurse Redheart sighed deeply as she closed the door to the busy hallway behind her. It had been a hectic day, more so than usual. She trotted across the room over to the only window. Outside of the glass, the many tall buildings of Manehatten rose upwards towards the last dying light of the setting sun. It looked almost like a giant graveyard, the dark steel of the graves in silhouette against the golden sky. It was beautiful and serene, yet at the same time it made her skin crawl.
There was so much death here, compared to back in Ponyville.
Not a day went by without her missing it, longing back to the small hospital on the hill overlooking the town. She missed the calmness of each morning as Princess Celestia raised the sun, and for a moment, Redheart always thought that they balanced on the line between life and death. She missed her friends and the other nurses, even one of the doctors with whom she’d had a short romance with prior to her move to Manehatten. Sure, it wasn’t anything really serious, but she still missed it. Missed the way he made her feel like a shy little girl again, the way they sometimes snuck away together to share a moment of passion.
She told herself now though that perhaps this was for the better. A doctor and a nurse shouldn’t act like that, shouldn’t sneak away from their duties and patients. And they should absolutely not make love in the X-ray room.
She missed the regulars in Ponyville, the ones that always seemed to end up in hospital somehow over and over. Not like the hospital she worked in now, where she saw new faces every day, all too often bruised and bloodied as the result of too much alcohol.
She tore her eyes away from the sky.
So much had changed these past few years. Ever since the passing of Celestia, something had changed in the minds of the ponies around her. Death seemed to grow. Still, she oftentimes thought that her sister Luna did a better job somehow. The sunrises and sunsets had been much more beautiful since she took control of them both. Maybe it was because of the love she’d found in her life.
The door to the room opened, and Redheart turned her attention to it. She could see a dark purple mane carefully entering the room.
“Come on in, miss Free.” Redheart said, trying to mask her sadness with a smile as the mare entered the room.
Flying Free smiled back at her before she closed the door, then quickly turning her head to look at the bed at the opposite side of the room. “Still no change?” She asked sadly.
“No, dear.” Redheart responded. “He’s still long gone. They say he might never wake up again.”
“I know, but I chose not to believe it.” Free whispered as she sat herself down next to the bed. “I have to believe he’ll wake up one day. Such a fine boy shouldn’t waste away like this.” She raised her hoof and placed it on the hoof of the pony in the bed. No movement came to answer her.
“How was the funeral?” Redheart asked cautiously.
“Just as you’d imagine.” Free answered. “I don’t think anypony could ever go through such a thing without feeling some sort of… regret.”
“I know what you mean. That stallion should never had been buried. And killed by his own son, nonetheless.”
“You know I don’t believe in that.” Flying Free said sharply. “… Look at him. Could he ever do something like that?”
“I’m just saying.” Redheart whispered. “His father is found murdered and he himself tries to hang himself. There's obviously a connection there.”
“I still don’t believe he did it.” Free answered. “And once he wakes up to these accusations, I’ll be there to help him.” She moved her hoof away from the pony’s leg and gently removed a few strands of his mane covering his face. “I know he’s long gone, but I have to believe.”
Nurse Redheart nodded slowly, putting a comforting hoof over the mare’s shoulders. “Alright, do whatever you have to.” She whispered. “But if he does wake up, do you think he can forgive himself?”
Free looked at her with teary eyes. Redheart looked back at her with sadness. She wanted to cry too, she should cry, but all these years as a nurse had probably numbed her a bit from other ponies suffering. She patted Free’s shoulder one last time, and then got up to leave the room. She carefully opened the door as quiet sobs filled the room.
Out in the hallway, things where starting to calm down after the days usual ruckus. She sighed once again and adjusted the small hat resting on her head. Before she left, she took one last glimpse at the door, at the small metal and glass frame in which the patients name was placed.
L. Quill
She hurried down the hallway to her next patient.
Lightning gasped loudly as he woke up yet again. Instantly, pain surged through his body and he cried out. He rolled around in bed, and the mattress beneath him felt rough and… hairy. He opened his eyes only to be met by a room coated in dilapidation and mold. The bed he was on was covered in mold and spores. He shrieked and tried to throw himself off of it, but a sharp pain in his foreleg caused him to stop. He looked down and to his horror he saw a needle sticking out of his skin.
He grabbed hold of it with his teeth and quickly yanked it out, this time without any fear or disgust. He slowly got up from the bed and looked towards the door. He was back where it all began, he…
He sat down on the floor, the thin layer of filthy water soaking into his coat, and started to cry once again. A loud banging started to echo across the room, as somepony on the other side of the door wanted to get inside.
Lightning reached up towards his forehead. His horn was intact again, and he still had all the teeth left in his mouth. He slammed his hooves hard into his face in anger as he understood.
Eternal punishment.
He screamed at the top of his lungs, and it echoed out across the room, through the hallways of the hospital and out through the windows. It travelled down to the ruins of Ponyville, forever echoing in this place; his new prison. His own little slice of hell, where he would be force to relive his pain and suffering over and over.
Yet nopony would ever hear his screams.
The silence was killing him. At least, that’s what it felt like inside his young head. He of course knew what death was, but he never fully understood just where it came from. And right now, as little Lightning slowly poked the food on his plate, he was sure that this is where it came from. Silence.
The heavier it became, the closer death crept in on them. For some reason, he felt a shiver down his back, and concentrated on poking a few peas with his fork. He didn’t want to look up and see his mother’s tired eyes, or his father’s indifferent face. He thought that if he looked at them through this pressing silence... Perhaps death would take them.
Finally, his fork pierced through one of the peas without making a single sound, then followed by a loud clank as the fork hit the plate. Nopony around the table looked up. Both his parents focused on their own food as well, not wanting to speak. Lightning was sure it was his fault they argued so much.
He probably did something wrong that angered them. Maybe the fact that he was alive.
The fork pierced another pea. Once he felt he had enough, Lightning brought the fork up to his mouth and bit down on the green little… things. Didn’t know what he should call them, except peas. He hated the taste of them. Mainly because they never tasted anything at all. Like chewing on nothing but a thin layer of rubber, with nothing but air inside.
The pony that looked at these objects and decided that yes, it is food must’ve been a complete idiot.
Fed up with the lack of taste and substance, Lightning continued to poke the peas across the plate. Maybe the silence had taken away his appetite as well.
“Stop it.” His father’s voice broke the pressing silence, and Lightning almost felt his ears throb from the sudden sound. It sounded so foreign to him right now, that he for a moment thought it was only in his head. Sounds and voices had no place in this room.
“Did you hear me? Stop it.” His father raised his voice at him. “Eat. Don’t play.”
Lightning ignored it. Didn’t want to eat, wasn’t hungry and he didn’t want to obey his father. Didn’t even want to look at him. He was only 12 years old, but he already knew about pain and suffering. All too well. It came at night, once his mother had gone asleep. It crept into his room, held him, and comforted him under a guise of false love.
Then the pain came, entering his body slowly. A feeling the young unicorn would never forget.
And he still wasn’t hungry, at least not for anymore peas.
“Did you hear me?” His father began to sound angry.
“Don’t yell at him..” His mother’s voice whispered across the table.
“I’m not yelling, I’m raising him. Something you should try.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“That your son is a spoiled little brat.”
Lightning tried to shut down his ears. Tried to imagine cotton in them, so that he wouldn’t hear his parents arguing again. It was his fault that they did so, as always. He tried to focus on his food again, swallowing bite after bite and doing his best to only think about this automatic routine. Poke, bite, chew, swallow.
As Lightning was about to take his final bite and empty the plate, the thing he knew would happen happened. In the corner of his eye, he could see a fast movement, followed by a sound that sent a sudden jolt through his body. His mother gasped in pain as her husband’s hoof slapped her across the face.
Instantly, the young unicorns lip started wobbling.
“Lightning.. go to your room..” His mother whispered. He didn’t move an inch, too afraid to leave and too afraid to say no.
“Do as your mother says.” A cold voice demanded. Instantly, Lightning obeyed it, and still without looked at his parents, he left the table, feeling ashamed and scared.
As he left the kitchen and entered the living room, he could hear their raised voices once again. Despite the distance between the kitchen and his room, he would still hear them arguing. When he passed the fireplace, he looked up at their old family photo. It was old and grey, but the smiles in it was as colorful as always.
His parents smiled brightly at him from the small window, and between them sat a little baby unicorn with unkempt mane and miniature horn. The moment the picture was snapped, he’d been playing around with his mother’s hoof. Even though he didn’t remember doing it since he was so small at the time, the picture sure didn’t lie.
They both looked so happy in that picture, truly happy. But now they seemed to hate each other, because of him. Maybe if he never had been born, they would still be happy.
Lightning closed the door to his bedroom behind him, yet he could still hear them across the house. The unicorn didn’t bother to lock the door anymore. That creeping pain would find a way inside anyway, and if it was locked it would only get more agitated. And that meant even more suffering. Best to just let it happen.
He felt tears well up in his eyes as he looked around his colorful room to find anything to focus on and try to drown their voices. His wet eyes stopped at a poster above his bed. On it, several ponies with wings soaring across the skies, all of them depicted in gray and gold, with the blue sky behind them. Even though Lightning didn’t know that the real name for such a pony was a Pegasus, he still adored The Wonderbolts.
But a picture alone wasn’t enough to forget the argument in the kitchen. He threw himself on the bed, tried to bury his face in the pillow. It didn’t help, and all it did was soak up his tears. He flipped around on his back, and looked to his left. On the other side of his room, next to the door, stood a bookcase.
It was filled with all manner of books, ranging from adventure too educational literature. Early in his life, the unicorn had discovered his love for reading and writing, and he constantly wanted to have more books. That’s even how he got his name. Lightning Quill, since nopony else could keep up with his fast movements with the quill and parchment.
His teacher always praised him for it, and used to say that he was the embodied evidence that the pen was indeed mightier than the sword. Lightning had no idea what that meant though. Still, she was the only pony to praise him, and he sucked it all up like a sponge. And then he got home from school and got pressed further down in the mud that is shame.
A green aura manifested around one of the books in the bookcase, and he hovered it across the room and picked it up in his hooves.
Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone, the cover read. It sure wasn’t his favorite book; in fact, he’d always thought the whole series of books… stupid. But right now he’d read anything, just to numb his mind. Quietly, as if he was doing something wrong, he crawled in under his blankets with the book, and let his horn illuminate the first page.
At times like these, Lightning wished hid father could have been an alcoholic. If he did drink, he could blame the violence on that instead, and then it would probably be easier to accept. A drunken asshole that abused his wife. That somehow sounded more… normal.
But he didn’t drink at all. He always said that ponies that did drink should have their balls cut off and then be hanged. Again, if he was a drunk, such talk could have been explainable. Instead, he did these things and said those words completely sober, aware of his actions. It was his choice, and he could change his ways any time. But he didn’t.
Both he and his mother were terrified of this stallion, but there was nothing they could do against him. Once, his mother had taken him away from his father, traveling across the land for weeks and months, always on the run from his presence. But he found them. He always did. Due to the fact that he in his youth had been captain of the royal guard in Canterlot, he had connections, contacts, friends in high places.
Even in their hometown of Manehatten, that kind of status was noted. Whenever they ran away, he put on a perfect show as the worried husband who just wants to find his wife and son at any cost. He missed them so much, of course, and wouldn’t be able to live without them… oh no, we’ll help you find them, don’t worry.
And when he found them, it didn’t end well. Lightning had never been more afraid in his entire life, certain that his mother would be dead before morning. He tried to stop his father. Tried to jump on his back and hold him down, prevent him from hurting her anymore. That only resulted in more pain for both of them, and Lightning never opposed his father again.
Lightning tried his best to cover his ears with his pillow and focus on the text, but there was no use.
Whatever he did, nothing could drown the sound of his mother crying out in pain as her husband continued to hurt her.
Breaking down in frantic tears, he prayed to Celestia and Luna that the invading pain would not come to him tonight.
Late at night, it did come. Lightning was awoken by the sound of his door opening, the darkness in the doorway not making any attempt to be quiet or to not wake the child from his sleep. It didn’t care; it just wanted its momentary rush of dominance.
Lightning kept his eyes closed and pretended to be asleep, but it didn’t matter, the darkness didn’t care if he was awake or not, it would subject him to the suffering and pain anyway. And there was no point in screaming for help or telling anypony. The darkness had been clear about that: resistance would only bring him more pain. And if he told anypony, it would kill both him and his mother.
The little unicorn had his back towards the room and couldn’t see the darkness and suffering approach, but he felt it as it sat down on the edge of the bed. It was heavy, and the bedframe creaked. Nothing more happened for a while, but Lightning knew that this was only a façade, the calm before the storm. Any minute now, the darkness would reach out and touch him.
Gently, a hoof stroke across the back of his head, and Lightning shivered at its touch.
“You awake, buddy?” His father whispered through the shadows. Always the same thing, pretending to care, for some reason. During these nightly visits, his father was a completely different stallion. Kind, caring and friendly, not at all the way he was during the day. But Lightning understood that it was just to get him more relaxed.
“Listen, I-uh..” His father whispered. “You know why I and mom argue, right? That’s... just the way things are supposed to be. We’re still friends, right?”
Lightning had no choice but to nod at his questions.
“Come on, sit on my lap. We need to have a little talk..”
And there it was. The beginning of the pain, masked behind a veil of fatherly love. But it was everything but love. It had to be hate, Lightning couldn’t understand what else it could be. Nopony could ever do something like that to a loved one.
With no other choice, the unicorn got up and did as he was told. His father held him tenderly, and if it wasn’t for the fate waiting for him, it could have looked like a rather touching moment. Lightning closed his eyes as tears welled up in them, and pressed his face against his father’s shoulder.
The stallion supposed to be his father moved slightly, and then the pain griped Lightning. His father hushed and patted his back.
“Shh.. don’t worry son.” He whispered.
Lightning cried even more, wanted to scream in agony and terror as he felt his body burn.
“No, please.. It-it hurts..” He sobbed into his father’s shoulder.
“Pain is a good thing, is it not?” His father whispered back to him.
Lightning wanted to die. Every time this happened, he wanted to die. The pain was too much; it felt like his entire body was split open down the middle. And the pain of knowing that there was no way out of this. His mother knew what her husband did to their son, knew about the shame and suffering he brought upon him. Knew that he ruined the young unicorns life forever.
But she was too afraid to do anything.
“I.. Yes, sir..”
“Good boy..”
Lightning let his body go limp as his father abused him in this manner; there was no point in resisting. If he just let him get on with it, perhaps it would be over faster. He tried to think about anything that would make him happy, but failed. The burning knife that was his father, going deeper into his body, was too powerful, too painful.
The little unicorn wished he could do to his father the same thing he said should be done to drunks. No more balls, no more pain. At least, that’s what he hoped for.
