I told you to go right

Not even 1 hour had passed since she'd last done it. Just as I was preparing to go to sleep, my visions flashed with an image of Princess Luna's cutie mark, before a sudden blue mist suddenly filled the darkening room. I panicked, pulled the covers up to my chest, and sat up whilst breathing heavily, all the while looking about in case Eyeless Jack, the Rake, or Slendy had a pony relative.
Don't search those up.Fucking Eyeless Jack...
Just before I dismissed it as a hallucination of a tired mind, the mists began swirling about, overlapping and compacting into...her. Princess Luna was now stood just near the doorway, and all assumptions of a serious chat were gone. She was wearing what appeared to be lingerie, and giving a half-lidded look at my form that was smaller than hers.
"Hello, Thunder." she purred.
"Errr...wow. P-Princess?" I stammered. My cheeks went very, very hot all of a sudden. "W-What are you, uhm...d-doing? I-In my bedroom?"
"Well, we realised thou art tired, and wondered if thou required any assistance in getting restful sleep?" she asked, slowly making her way towards me. I shrivelled up in my bed.
"W-Why are y-you wearing lingerie?" I asked, recoiling as she decided to sit on the end of my bed. She looked slightly confused for a moment, before realising it.
"Aaah, this?" she began blushing. "Umm...we, ah, decided to find, erm, an appearance thou would find...comforting?"
"Well, that's not helping." I sighed, looking away. "You look like you wanted to...you know."
"What?!" she hissed. "We would never have intercourse with a pony we are not even in a relationship with!" she suddenly got a wicked grin. "But when we do have it..." I felt her hoof run up my neck, sending shivers of pleasure/fear down my spine. Slowly, she moved across my cheek, before she leaned forward to my ear. "...thou would love it." she whispered, before nibbling the tip of my ear.
Poomph.
"P-Princess!" I stammered, cheeks hotter than the Eridium Blight, "S-S-Stop!"
"Of course: this is a dream belonging to thou." she chuckled, before standing up. "It was fun to see thou squirm. We shall see thou in 2 days, up in Canterlot, and maybe we shall do it again..."
"N-No th-thanks." I coughed.
"Well, let us begone. Enjoy thy time, and arrive in nice clothes."
"Yes mistress." I mindlessly murmured, utterly entranced by her flanks.
"What was that?" she asked, turning around.

"What? That was nothing. That was nothing!" I quickly answered back. She rolled her turquoise eyes, before disappearing into the mist. "Christ." I groaned, looking at my wings. If anything had been in the way of them when she nibbled my ear, it would have been shorn in half. Those bad boys were as solid as Terramorphus is tough. But, seeing as how tired I was, I would probably sleep with them anyway. Despite the fact that they're uncomfortable buggers when you get a wing boner. Electing to ignore it and just go the fuck to sleep, I laid my head onto the pillow, closed my eyes, and tried to forget Luna's strange knowledge of my interest in her...

The next morning, I met Applejack as she trotted out of Solar's room. I looked awkwardly at her, and she returned the favour. Much like Inferno and Twilight did weeks before when I went to Twilight's, her mane was ruffled and tail unkempt. Her hat, however, was in its usual position atop her head.
"Errr...hi, Applejack?" I cautiously asked.
"Howdy." she replied.
"Soooo...you and So-" I began, before she shoved a hoof in my mouth.
"Ah can give ya 200 bits if you keep this quiet to the girls." she hissed.
"Mmph." I replied with a nod.
"Good. Ah can get y'all the money t'morrow." she sighed, removing the hoof.
"Alright." I replied. "But how are you gonna explain to the guys downstairs? Like, they'll notice if you just trot down the stairs..."
"Ah'm giving them cash, too. 1000 bits." I nearly spat out some non-existent coffee.
"1000?!" I gasped. "200 each?! Christ, your damn family must be bloody minted!"
"Annual income at Sweet Apple Acres is well over 700,000 bits. More than enough to feed the family, run the farm, and hide secrets." she hissed. "Y'all gottit?"
"Mm-hmm." I whimpered. "But the girls know about Inferno and Twilight, so why would they ridicule you?"
"Well," the cowpony replied. "Ah told 'em that ah'd never hook up with one o' you fellas, but...Solar was charming enough. Right?"
"No." I snorted, my mind flashing back to several dumbass things Solar/Harry had done on Earth.
"Well, he's still pretty good in be-"
"OK, OK! TOO MUCH INFORMATION." I quickly raised my hooves. "Anyway, do you plan on getting breakfast? Because I'm hungry, and insane ponies need food." I mused. The cowpony smiled.
"Can't argue with your logic, there." Applejack grinned. "Let's go." After a rather awkward conversation, we both set off down the stairs. When we reached the dining room, Applejack suddenly looked very pale. On the table was a whole platter covered in breakfast meats: sausages, bacon, and the like. I cast a glance at the guys, before mouthing 'You bloody geniuses how the fuck did you get bacon?!' to them. Suddenly, there was a crumpling noise to my right: AJ had fainted from seeing us eat meat. Ignoring it, I sat down next to Solar. I looked at him, and then Applejack, before looking at him again.
"...SCOOOORE!" I yelled, raising a hoof for him to brohoof. "Solar got laid! So that's two of us, who'll be next?"
"Clearly me." Ebony sarcastically snorted. "Me and Celestia: obviously gonna happen."
"Fuck YEAH it is." I laughed, reaching over and grabbing some bacon before dumping it on my plate. I still have no idea how I was actually holding things with my hoof. "I bet you'll get her at the Gala."
"After Ebony," Fire cut in, "It'll be..." The rest of us leaned forward in anticipation. "...me. And Rarity." All of us began going 'yeah' 'obviously' 'why didn't I think of that' and 'that right there is customer focused thinking.' All of our corporate jokes made, we turned to Applejack.
"Applejack, what do yo-"
She was gone.
"Fuck!" Fire yelled, smacking a hoof on the floor. "She knows! Goddammit!"
"Thankfully, none of you idiots brought up me and Luna. I'd never live it down." I sighed. "Oh yeah, and Luna completely invaded my mind last night. Just before I went to bed, she decided to make me hallucinate that she was in the room. And, for some reason she was wearing lingerie."
Poomph.
Poomph.
Inferno and Sky's wings both popped up at the thought.
"Well, what did she do next?" Ebony asked through a mouth full of bacon.
"She started trying to seduce me." I replied. "Nay: she SUCCEEDED in seducing me. I received a wing boner, before she claimed SHE MIGHT DO IT ON THE MEETING." All jaws in the vicinity dropped, and out of Ebony's came chewed bacon that slopped out onto his plate in a wet lump of meat. After looking at THAT for a few moments, we burst out laughing.
"Oh, OH! Oh god, Ebony, fucking disgusting!" Solar laughed. "You're cleaning that fucking plate, asshole!"
"I'm not even gonna ask which poor sod is scraping that into the bin." I scoffed.