I told you to go right

Not even days had passed. Goddamn days. All it took was one seemingly innocent idea, and a shitstorm randomly pops up to say 'Hi! Your friend's crush just went for a day trip? Lemme get some fucking dogs to take her to be their cart bitch!' Not only that, but it also turns out Faust got it wrong: the episodes are out of order. I expected the Poison Joke farce to happen after Trixie, but no. Instead, there was a rainstorm in which the library...you know the episode I mean. So, for all I knew, I could be fighting Diamond Dogs one day, then be at the Gala the next, before deciding to sort out Pinkie's birthday while she talks to old and saggy sacks. (Heh heh heh...talks...)
But right now, we could just stand and watch as a panicking Spike ran up and started flailing his arms around.
"What the fuck is he doing...?" I asked Twilight, who responded with a shrug. I turned to Spike, grabbed him, and said in my best Scottish accent, "PULL YERSELF T'GETHER, LADDIE!" When I released Spike, he caught his breath, before finally speaking legibly.
"RARITY'S BEEN KIDNAPPED!" he yelled. We reeled back in shock, before my Piss-taking instincts took over.
"What?! You're joking! Somepony call Liam Neeson!" I began to laugh. I received stern glares from the girls.
"Thunder, this is no laughing matter!" Twilight growled. "She might be in danger! We've gotta save her! Come on, guys!" And with that, the girls were off, leaving my friends and I to stand there sighing.
"Course it's a bloody laughing matter..." I grumbled. "Taken references are always appropriate...stupid bitch..."
"Well, somepony's gotta back their asses up." Solar tried saying in a commanding tone.

"You mean so you can stare at AJ's ass?" I snorted as I began trotting off after the girls. A group laugh followed, before I heard hooves behind. The conversation brightened up quickly, like how we can scare the girls.

"...I mean come on, we have to reference some kind of monster." Ebony finished his explanation. The rest of us murmured in agreement.
"Threshers?" Solar asked.
"Yeah, EXACTLY like that." Ebony replied. "Just over describe them, like what they do, where they live, and most importantly, what draws their attention."
"So like how you tell a monster story?" I cut in.
"Oh yeah." Inferno chuckled. "I have one."
"What?" Sky asked from above. He was drifting gently above us, as well as Inferno. I, however, couldn't get used to flying, so I trotted. I only flew in emergencies.
"Ehhh, something along the lines of..." Inferno paused, before getting a wicked grin. "...Terramorphus. Crystalisks. Varkids. And, this one should be the funniest, Stalkers." The rest of us laughed at the idea.
"Last one'll have them looking over their shoulders quite a lot..." I replied. "Fire, anything to add?"
"Slendy." he simply added.
"Good one."
"The Rake."
"Yep."
"Eyeless Jack."
"Err...yeah..."
"BOB."
"You can stop now..."
"SCP-173."

"OK STOP YOU'RE CREEPING THE SHIT OUTTA ME." I shouted, raising a chuckle and my alertness of surroundings.

Eventually, we did catch up to the girls. And, just for that extra effect, we cantered up behind them, looking as though we'd been running from something. You know, stumbling, looking over shoulder, swearing, the like.
"Guys!" I yelled to the girls. "Guys! We found you, thank god."
"Hi?" Twilight looked confused. "Did...you just run all the way up here?"
"Nah." I panted. "We were going at a normal pace, then there was fucking Threshers. Came after us, and we ran. You'll be fine, the buggers usually give up after 30 seconds of not finding their target, but y'know..."
"Threshers?" Rainbow asked, before making a 'pfft' sound. "They don't sound so tough..."
"No, they're not tough." Ebony replied. "They're bloody ridiculous. Natural plating thick as your hoof, throwin' goddamn spikey things, diving underground then popping back up again...bastards."

"Well," Twilight didn't even seem bothered. "Let's keep moving." The lavender mare continued to trot onward, followed by a rather worried looking Pinkie Pie. Well, can't use Threshers. Don't seem to worry them. I'll use the big bastard last. I thought rather angrily, judging by how Twilight shrugged off some worms that throw things at y-yeah, I can see how that sucks.

"Alright, this was where they took her." Spike gestured to a hole. "Down this one."
"Right, who brought any shovels?" I asked. Nopony answered: Rainbow, Pinkie, Ebony and Sky just sort of hoofed at the ground. I let out an exasperated sigh. "Just...just fucking...guh. Use your hooves, or something, I don't care any more. Just watch out for Threshers, Bullymongs, and obviously any of the kidnappers. Have fun." I turned to leave, before something grabbed my tail.
"Well where do you think YOU'RE goin'?" Rainbow asked, trying to be tough as ever.
"Where? Why, to go and find loot, of course!" I replied with a British accent. "Untold riches, fortune, glory, and most importantly, glory!" Rainbow released her grip on my tail. I didn't expect that, and turned around. She was hoofing at the ground, smiling.
"Actually, that, uh, kinda sounds pretty cool..." she trailed off. "Mind if I come with?"