I lied. I'd told them I was heading there early, in reality I was finding a decent place to be on my own. Just me, my failing sanity, and a Vietnam-era pistol, along with a knife. I clearly was going to be allowed out of town with those. I scanned my eyes across the town as I drifted through Ponyville alongside Sky Wheel. Normally, bronies would be going CRAZY at this point: a party with Pinkie, meeting the future Element holders, and many other things. I wasn't going crazy over this; it was driving me insane. Sky had already noticed that my pupils were slightly smaller, and my eye was twitching occasionally. Equestrian signs of insanity? Probably. Insane or not, either way I was going to help them stop Nightmare Moon with the help of my friends. Still, I always have the pistol to fall back on. Or my knife, stuck in the dirt with the blade pointed at my head. Insanity is not as bad as it's portrayed in Far Cry 3: it's worse.
"Hey," Sky said, tapping me on the shoulder with a nudge of his green hoof. I shook my head quickly to disperse these thoughts. "You OK? You've been acting weird the whole time we've been here."
"Exactly." I replied sharply, turning and glaring at my friend. "Here. In a place where friendship rules. I don't belong here. We don't belong here. Are six stallions armed with tools of a past war going to fit in here? In Equestria? No. We won't. I've already begun to lose it; it'll only be a matter of time before I turn Vaas."
"Come on, don't be like that." Sky replied. "You have to be enjoying this secretly; Equestria! The Brony dream! Where there are no trolls, almost no bullies, the Sky isn't even the limit! We can restart here! Consider this a checkpoint; we've just begun the level." With that, Sky flew off towards the clouds, doing loops and aerial tricks as he went. As soon as he was out of earshot, I began to quietly mutter Vaas' Insanity Monologue to myself as I landed in the centre of Ponyville market. I started on the fourth line of the speech as I began to trot towards the Town Hall. Unsurprisingly, I ran into a couple of ponies leaving the party, who also claimed to be leaving for the hall early. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't convince Lyra and Bon-Bon to let me head there alone, which meant I had two rather interrogative mares following me. Each question involved my past life, if I didn't answer they'd subtly drop the question at another point. One instance was when they asked if I'd ever had a marefriend. When I didn't reply, they said they did at points, and they'd start saying 'I knew this mare once, she had a coltfriend like you...'
"So, where are you from?" Bon Bon asked, trotting forwards yet looking sideways and not falling. It seemed all gossipy ponies could do this if they remembered the landmarks and route.
"Errr, tough one, that." I replied nervously. It actually was difficult: I can't just say I'm from a different fucking universe and not expect them to slowly back away. Thinking quickly, I looked to the right. A caravan was latched onto a post, the drivers stood in smart military uniforms. Celestia's carriage, then. I thought. Idea... "It's a pretty difficult question, I'm from all over. Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Canterlot, even here at one point. But the highlights of my travels with my friends come in the form of roadside ruins and wrecks. Once, we found a carriage by the side of the railway line into Appaloosa, neatly severed in half. The occupants had cleared it out, and were camping beside it as though it never happened! It was a train impact, and they honestly couldn't care less! Ridiculous!" I laughed, encouraging a laugh from the two mares.
"Well, speaking of your friends, where did you meet?" No bullshit this time. We met at school, simple as. I thought.
"School. Simple really; we had dodgeball, except when you were hit you joined the other team. Us six managed to thin through their numbers really quick, so soon after we ended up best friends."
"Seems cliché." Lyra muttered. "Anyway, how old are you?"
"24." STOP THINKING OF FUCKING TV SHOWS
"How often do you go to hospital?"
"Why? You gonna beat me up?" I asked, actually slightly worried I may get assaulted by the two mares sandwiching me either side.
"No, but just asking."
"Well, not often. Worst I've had is when I tripped down stairs."
"Ouch."
"In Canterlot palace. Those steps are made of marble. Broke part of my jaw and sounded like a drunk for a few weeks."
"You drink?" Bon Bon asked quickly.
"Yes, course I do. Probably going to start drinking MORE to cope with Pinkie Pie."
"I hear ya." Lyra smiled.
"Oh yeah." Bon Bon nodded.
"Well, nice talking to you, but I might go get a decent spot. We arrived, after all."

"Ok, see you soon Thunder!" Bon Bon called after me as I trotted forward through the doors to the main hall. What nice mares. I mused to myself. Shame. I'll probably be in an asylum later.

Standing still as a pegasi suddenly becomes boring as fuck. We'd listened to the Mayor blab on a bit about town announcements, Pinkie's utterly spontaneous confetti assaults, and I was trying not to end up drunk so I could cope with the mares stood by us asking questions. Normally, Bronies would love to hang around with the Elements of Harmony. I wasn't. If anything, I wished they'd bugger off.
"So, you're saying that jacket is...not diamond encrusted?" Rarity asked as she poked at my coat. I have no idea where the damn thing came from; I awoke with it a few days before. I couldn't help but laugh at the fact I didn't have a dick either. I had pissed earlier SOMEHOW, don't tell me it's invisible or some shit. Harry had been the one to notice that mares didn't have vaginas either. So how did ponies...?
"Fillies and Gentlecolts!" the Mayor shouted. Lights swung towards the brown and grey mare at the front of the hall, as she had the biggest and most effective forced smile I'd ever seen. I nudged Inferno.
"Have the others come up with names, yet?" I whispered as the Mayor continued her speech. "We can't have only four of us knowing what our names were."
"Well, I know Harry wants to be called Solar Blast, and Alex wants to be called Fire Trail, so that should do." Inferno replied. I had to bend my neck down to listen to the little olive pegasus' whispers, and even then he had to look up at me.
"Good, we should have a chance of fitting in now." I breathed a sigh of relief; there's one worry off my saddle. Wow, it felt kind of normal to say saddle. That's just fucking crazy.
"I give you, PRINCESS, CELESTIA!" The Mayor shouted. Ponies all around us cheered and whooped as Fluttershy's birds began to sing and Rarity pulled the curtains away. I made a mental note to keep an eye on things, and looked. Princess Celestia wasn't there, much like the show. Pinkie rambled away behind us, just then Rarity looked out at the audience.
"She's gone!" she shouted from the top balcony. Mares and Colts gasped at this startling revelation. My friends and I gave a quick nod to each other.
"Here she comes..." Aidan said just loud enough for us to hear. As if on cue, a blue mist began to form around the top level; swirling and compacting in a cloud of dark magic. All of a sudden, a bright flash sparked in the mists and when it was gone, a tall black Alicorn was stood, slightly angrily glaring down at the crowds.
"Throw insults first. I'll start." I whispered back, as I prepared to fly into the air alongside Sky and Inferno. "Right, wait until she's saying her opening..."
"Aaahhh, it's so good to see my loyal subjects once more..." Nightmare began, as she gazed out over the ponies.
"NOW!" I whispered loudly to the others. All six of us barged through the crowds, past Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash, before stepping into the open.
"Shut it!" I yelled, flying into the air and pointing a hoof at the mare. "I know you! Nightmare Moon!" The audience gasped, forming a ring around my ground-bound friends. The three pegasi, including me, hovered several feet above the Ebony, Fire, and Solar, prepared for battle. "You're no goddamn ruler; you refuse to lower the fucking moon like you're so high and mighty, and then expect love in return? All I can give you is a hail of hot lead, how 'bout that, bitch?" The audience gasped even louder as I drew the pistol and levelled it with Nightmare's head.
"Ooh, somepony remembers me?" she purred in her silky voice. "And a warrior? Wonderful. The perfect addition to my new army..." Suddenly, she disappeared, then reappeared, right inbetween Sky and myself. I felt her hoof touch down on my shoulder, and I felt slightly relaxed at her touch. Still not letting my guard down, I span with the pistol, trying once again to gain accuracy on her stupidly sexy face. "Now, now, there's no need for that, hmm?" she whispered into my ear. Seeing no other option, I lowered my weapon, holstering it my jacket pocket. She smiled, and once again I felt a sudden pulse of relaxation wash over my body. "Good boy. Now then; join me."
"Errr, how about you fuck off? Does that answer your question?" I replied, gaining a small laugh from below. "And when was the last fucking time you washed? You smell so bad I bet I could stand in a house made of shit and it'd smell fresher than you! Christ."
"The obscene language is unnecessary, you know. It isn't how you speak to royalty!" Nightmare boomed, suddenly flying off to the balcony again. "Enjoy this sunset, for it shall be your last. From now on, the night...shall last...FOREVER!" Nightmare burst into villainous laughing. I quickly looked at the other two pegasi next to me, and the ponies below.
"Get her! Chase her to the fucking hills!" I cried, as I flew forward at high speed in the hopes of grabbing her. Inferno followed alongside Sky as all three of us flew in formation towards her. Suddenly, I felt a sharp sting on my back that ripped through my entire body. Letting out a yell of pain, I tried to continue going but my wings were unresponsive. All hopes of landing safely were all dashed as Inferno banked right and slammed into my side. We both tumbled to the ground floor, desperately trying to open our wings again as we both crashed to the floor in a crumpled heap. My hearing muffled and vision blurred as I saw a blue mist tear out of the door. Just before I lost conciousness, I saw hundreds of hooves trying to check our state. The most prominent of those hooves, though, was a set of cyan forehooves stood tall in front of me. I looked up with my remaining energy, seeing Rainbow Dash's angry glare.
"You coulda asked me to help, ya know." she said firmly.
"Really?" I moaned. "Next time...ask me, sweetheart..."

At that moment, my vision completly blacked out.

A forest loomed high. Wind whistled. I felt like I was lost. A flashlight in my pocket. It's dark. I turn it on. Light comes out. Fence behind me. Barbed wire on the top. I'm trapped. I walk into the forest. I find a body. It gets up. Sharp teeth and empty eyes. I run. More bodies. They all get up. I find a ladder. I climb it. Platform on top. A pull on my leg. A monster grabs my leg. I grab something. It's two forelegs. They're warm. Comforting. I look up. It's Princess Luna. She blasts the beasts away. I try to thank her. Instead, she hugs me. I pass out.
That was some dream... I think to myself. And why am I in Twilight's library?

Author's Note

I HATE THIS SHIT. WHY DO I WASTE TIME, YOURS AND MINE BY WRITING THIS CRAP? WHY THE CAPS? DUNNO.