"...so then, low on ammunition, the guy went crazy!" I continued my epic story that seemed to have tied Rainbow Dash's interest to a bed and then repeatedly abused it. "Pulled out both his guns, bleeding from every orifice, and fired like crazy! Bambambambambam!"
"Did he live?" Rainbow eagerly asked.
"Barely: lost a leg and got blinded when some nutjob ran in and exploded. But as far as I know, that entire bandit clan was wiped out: suitable punishment for their horrid crimes."
"Woah." Rainbow gasped. "And anyway; your world sounds pretty cool! Why don't you want to go back?" Ooooh, crap. Have to mention the wars.
"Well," I replied, kicking a rock off the cliff edge. "It seems that my race fights over everything. Oil, religion, territory, and, in one horrid instance, because one country lost a previous war. So they went to war again, and their new leader hated one religion, ordering his troops to kill them."
"That's...not so cool." Rainbow sighed. "Sorry."
"Hey, no big deal." I replied, bumping a hoof on her shoulder playfully. "Those wars ended. Won by those who did good. And, that will most likely apply to why we're here. Dogs take Rarity for evil, we kick their asses, good prevails. End of the story."
"I suppose you're right!" she exclaimed. "We're gonna beat them to a pulp!"
"Yes! Somepony understands!"
"Take their gems!"
"Steal them all!"
"Battle monsters!"
"Probably not but FUCK YEAH!"
"Battle dogs and plunder their loot!"
"WOO!"
"YEAH!"
After a few minutes of...that, we returned to the others. A lot had happened since we'd left; Spike now had a fishing rod and diamond, Solar was now wearing a rusty helmet, and nearby Twilight and Inferno, both sleeping next to each other, was a huge pile of random crap that had been presumably dug up. Rainbow whistled.
"Nice helmet." she called to Solar, who nodded in reply. We both trotted over to see what there was available in the pile, armour, weapon, and style-wise. Rainbow Dash got lucky: finding a battered old helmet that fit her like a glove. Meanwhile, all I had found was...a skull belonging to some fucking demon thing or some shit. The thing had horns, sharp teeth, and eye sockets that were remarkably similar to a pony of my size. Tentatively, I plopped it onto my head.
"Nice." I said from inside the skull. My voice, though it had been normal, was amplified and rather demonic sounding. Like, G-Major. Receiving a few dodgy looks from Applejack, Pinkie, and Fluttershy, and a bit of a half-arsed look from Twilight before she curled next to Inferno, I couldn't resist making the next reference. "I AM YOUR GOD NOW, BRING ME YOUR VIRGINS!" I boomed. Ebony looked over from having his neck poked down the hole and burst out laughing.
"Lovin' the new voice, Thunder." Sky said from inside the pile. "Better than your female voice..."

"Shut u-hold on, lemme take this off...Yeah, Shut up." I spat back, putting the head on the ground next to me. "Even though I almost ended up being utterly shamed, it was kinda sexy. Like Lilith's voice. Or Captain Scarlett. You'd sound like fucking Sharon Osbourne." There was no reply from the scavenger in the pile. I knew, however, that he was most likely trying to think up the pony equivalent of a middle finger to give me.

After a few hours of watching Twilight and Inferno snuggling, Sky throwing bits of crap out of the pile, and Rainbow gathering as many pieces of armour as she could, a tug finally occurred on the line. Spike began pulling back, trying to hold onto it, but the dog below was too strong. Quickly, I woke the lovers with a burst of DEMON VOICE SAYS WAKE THE FUCK UP and cantered over to help the young dragon with the line. If I was a demon, that bastard must have been fucking Mehrunes Dagon: the bones in my legs were loudly clicking as I tried to gain footing. But, to no avail. Seeming like Twilight was a linchpin holding the dog's strength in check, the moment she grabbed on the dog gave an almighty tug and dragged all of us-11 ponies and a dragon-down the hole. We bumped against walls, dragged on rock, and flew over the occasional ravine as the dog dragged us down further and further into the dark cavern system. There came one point where I nearly passed out from the blood rushing to my hooves, but I soldiered on, making it to the caverns.
Just.
The moment we landed, it was a one-way drop, all 12 of us landing in a pile with me somewhere near the bottom. Although I couldn't see anything, I swear somepony's ass was in my face. Well, against the skull-hat.
"Whose ass is in my face?" I boomed through my demon voice. A sudden giggle creeped me out a lot.
"Mine, silly!" Pinkie yelled happily, jumping in the air. "Why?"
"Well, it's your ass. And it's in my face." I groaned.
"And?"
"GET. YOUR ASS. OUT. OF MY. FACE."

Author's Note

Pretty short chapter this time: because I'm a lazy bugger.