I told you to go right

I swear that Princess Luna INTENDED for me to get drunk. Somehow she had this weird...way to get me to keep drinking. Every time I finished a beer, a few minutes later she'd offer me one, I'd agree due to excessive drunk levels, and the cycle would repeat. So far, including the six I'd had before, I had finished 9 full pints. Miss Immune-To-Drinking-Alcohol-And-Poison, however, was sat as though barely any kind of alcohol was pumping through her veins.
"So," she said, voice dragging slightly slower than it first was so as not to injure my beer-soaked brain, "I decided, 'They don't love me, so I won't lower the moon.' My sister didn't like that, and y'know what she did then?"
"Dunno," I groaned. "Banished you to the moon?"
"SHE BANISHED ME TO THE MOON!" Luna yelled, nearly throwing me off my seat. I struggled to get back up, the alcohol finally impeding my balance. Luna's plot seemed to be perfect now, and when I finally dragged myself back into my seat, Luna was looking slightly worried. "Err...apologies." she said quietly, clearly stifling a laugh that she'd nearly thrown me into a wall.
"No problem..." I winced. "Probably should be heading home now." I looked at the clock on the wall as I said that. 11:00. Christ, I thought, Felt like days...damn alcohol...
"Not in that state." Luna firmly proclaimed. "Allow me to use an anti-poison spell to clear up the alcohol in your veins, you wait about ten minutes, then head on home. Does that sound good?"
"Mm-hmm." I grunted in reply. My 'date' closed her eyes, horn glowing a brilliant blue, and concentrated. I felt a pulse sharply wash over my body like water, before receding. Luna opened her eyes.
"Faaantastic." she nodded with a smile. Her teeth didn't seem as bright now. "Now we wait ten minutes for the effects to recede. Would you like to come to the balcony?"
"Y-Yeah, ok." I replied. My voice wasn't as slurred now, just stuttery. "I'd l-love you."
"What?" Luna asked, ears pricking up. I realised what I said, blushed with the force of eleventy-bazillion suns, and rapidly corrected my mistake.

"WHAT NOTHING I SAID I'D LOVE TO GO COME ON WHY DON'T YOU LEAD THE WAY SO NOTHING AWKWARD HAPPENS." I rattled out. Luna reeled back, nodded slowly whilst looking worried, stood up, and lead the way out of the room.

It took less than 3 minutes to reach the balcony, which meant I had more time to really think about my mistake.
Christ, can't believe I said that. I don't love her; I lost any attraction to her the moment she took over my mind all those months ago. I can't get in a relationship with her: she's royalty! The paparazzi would never leave me alone, and I'd get in trouble for cutting up a crowd of new journalists with the knife! Hmmm...wonder where that knife is...? And the gun. Celly said she was doing SOMETHING with the gun, and a special branch was creating _____? What were they making? Fireworks? Bombs? Guns? I can only hope. But anyway: I can't get in a relationship with a goddess. What about my friends back in Ponyville? What about getting back to Earth? No wait, screw that last part: hopefully I never go back. On a more cheerful note, I'm not as drunk as I was before! Yes!
Just then, a knocking on the back of my head snapped me out of my stupor. I shook my head quickly, and looked to my right. I must have been so deep in thought that I didn't realise we'd reached the balcony. Luna was just kind of...sat next to me, looking at me as though I was supposed to do something.
"Ummm...Thunder...care to sit...?" she trailed off, gesturing with a hoof.
"Uh, yeah, sorry. Just...thinking." I replied as I sat beside her. The moon was full, and huge at that, stars were sprinkled generously through the sky, whilst clouds placed sparingly showed that the fog had lifted. Down below, lights shone in Canterlot streets, clearly outlining the paths and toads around the city. Plus, you could see nearly the entirety of Equestria. I wish I still had my camera phone.
"What about?" Luna asked.
"Just...what I said earlier." I sighed.
"That is no problem." she replied. "I know you didn't mean to say it. Or...I hope you didn't?" she smiled.
"N-No. I-I didn't." I shakily replied.
"Cold?"
"No."
"Lying?"
"No."
"Tired?"
"Kind of. Why, you gonna rape my mind again?"
"No." After a moment where both of us kind of sat awkwardly next to each other, goddess and...not goddess, I finally cleared my throat.
"I am cold." I sighed. Just as I began to rub my hooves together, a sudden...blanket. It fell across my back, encompassing my entire form, my wings, and lower neck, and it felt damn good. Warm, fluffy, and strangely comforting, and appeared from nowhere. I looked behind me at the sheet. Princess Luna had shuffled closer quite quickly, and put her left wing over my shivering form. She looked slightly embarassed.
"Thank you." I smiled, looking up at her. She looked back at me, teal eyes gazing into my blue eyes. They seemed incredibly deep. I was lost for words: She was beautiful. Just then, we began to lean forward, eyes closing, and-
WAIT WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!?!?!
"PRINCESS!" I shouted, quickly scrambling back and huddling over in a corner on the balcony. Princess Luna did the exact same thing, except more panicked. "WE NEARLY-"
"I KNOW!" she shouted back, breathing heavily as we both panicked. "WE CAN'T DO THIS!"
"I KNOW!" I replied quickly, huddling up in a ball. We both stared at each other.
"OK, I should go." I finally said, standing up.
"Y-Yes, you should. Just in case." she stuttered back.
"But really, what happened there?" I asked. "If I hadn't have stopped us, we might have ended up in bed together!"
"I-I know." Luna replied, shakily getting to her hooves. "Errm. I...could send you home?" she asked.
"That would be good. This was a nice evening, except the last minute where we nearly ended up having se-"
"OK, YES IT WAS, GOODBYE." Luna quickly rattled off, horn glowing blue much quicker than usual as she rapidly teleported me. For a moment, I had no clue where I was, until I received the sensation of falling. I sighed, opened my wings, and looked around. I had appeared above Ponyville. Ponies below were looking up at me in confusion, as though they had expected me to arrive in the carriage. Nodding, landing, and greeting the few ponies I recognised, I began to head home. As I flew, I couldn't help but let one thought cross my mind.

Damn, she's accurate at teleporting.

Pushing the door open, I heard a yell from inside the living room.
"Thunder!" Sky yelled. "You're back!"
"Yes," I laughed, "I am back. How was your evening? Thought you'd be asleep." I asked as I trotted in and threw my hat on the table.
"Can't." Ebony sighed.
"Why?" I asked. "Too much coffee?"
"No..." Fire replied, pointing upstairs. "Worse..." I followed his hoof, yet saw nothing. To show that, I looked at him confusedly. "Listen." he sighed. I did so. At first I heard nothing, but then...oh you are shitting me.
"HOW'D YA LIKE THEM APPLES?!" Solar yelled from upstairs, followed by Applejack's moans of ecstasy as a repeated banging thumped on the roof above. Solar's room was directly above us, as well as Ebony's. I grinned at the grey unicorn.
"Have fun getting to sleep." I laughed. I'm gonna go get changed." I said as I stood up. Sky, Fire, and Ebony nodded as I left the room. I already knew the route to my room, obviously, and so I headed there quickly. I made a lot of noise that night as I went up the stairs. Those noises and shouts from the other room had to be muffled. Clomping along the landing, I went to my room. Just before I opened the creaky door, a voice from Inferno's room nearly prompted me to dive out the window.
"Let's see how hard you've studied, my pupil..." came Twilight's voice, followed by grunts and moans. I decided to just open my door quickly, throw off my clothes even quicker, and sort my mane out downstairs.

Then I'd pull my eardrums out of my nostrils.