I told you to go right

Still slightly shaken by Luna's sudden ability to make ponies orgasm on command, I trotted alongside Inferno and Thunderlane. We chatted idly as we went down the grand corridors, and the other two began making smug observations about my injury.
"...but Thunder," Thunderlane began saying. "You realise we could have been at the dining hall 10 minutes ago if we'd have flown, right?"
"Yep. Haha. My wing was nearly melted by Changeling magic. Fucking hilarious. I might never have been able to fly again; oh, the humour." I muttered amid the chuckling of the other two. Just as we rounded a corner, we saw Celestia calmly trotting down the hall, regal as ever. "Guys," I whispered, "Do you think she's noticed us? I mean, we can't really swear and the like in front of-"
"Me?" Celestia stated, looking slightly over her shoulder. "And yes, I can hear you."
"Oh, hello Princess." Inferno replied, acting as though we hadn't been discussing her. "You're looking nice this evening." Celestia simply rolled her eyes and groaned.
"I'm not wearing the regalia; beside that I look the same." She was right; the golden shoes, crown, and necklace were gone, leaving bare fur and mane. "I might say the same for you three, however." she gestured to our ties. "A gift from my sister, I assume?"
"Yes." I replied. Celestia had slowed down and dropped beside us. "We also had a leisurely conversation through the wall between our rooms."
"Ha!" Celestia threw her head back and laughed. "She's been talking about you, Thunder! Apparently, you two nearly kissed on the balcony!" I felt my face pale to a much lighter shade of blue, and I also felt faint. Alongside that, my wound made a quiet hiss noise that only I could hear. Inferno and Thunderlane began nudging me.
"Wh-What..." I stuttered. Instead of explaining, Celestia simply grinned, levitated a magazine out of thin air, and placed it in front of me open on one page.

Equestria Daily
Princess Luna's Night Time Lover?
As though the Princess of the Moon couldn't get any more popular; she returns from her banishment, changes her appearance, and now she has a lover!
Two days ago, according to a mole inside the Castle walls, an unidentified blue Pegasus arrived by chariot. Acting as a guide, our mole led the stallion to the main dining hall late at night, before heading to a secret observation point up the stairs. Our insider, whose identity remains secret, claims, "I watched them for a few hours. The princess gazed lovingly into the eyes of the stallion, who returned the favour. Finally, after a few hours, the Princess cast a love spell unto the stallion. Afterwards, I watched them leave to the balcony. I couldn't get up there, but thankfully somepony snapped a picture of the two about to lock lips for the first time."
The identity of this stallion still remains unknown. If you have any details regarding this jaw-dropping story, send them in right away!
-Pen Stroke, editor for EqD.

My eye twitched.
"Right." I finally growled. "Looks like I'm gonna have to hang a bitch."
"No." Celestia firmly replied.
"I will storm the EqD offices with my pistol." I grunted. "Where the hell is that sumbitch?"
"As I said the first time we met, that weapon has been confiscated for study into peaceful uses, and for a finer grade of security in towns."
"Right..." I groaned. "But I know who the mole is; I'll know her when I see her. Tan fur, brown mane, glasses."
"My assistant?" Celestia asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"If that's what she is." I replied. "But does your sister know about this?"
"Yes, I believe she does."
"Wow, you really couldn't give two shits about this, could you?"
"No, not really." the princess' expression didn't change at all.
"I still don't like you."
"I'm aware."
"Trollestia."
"[censored]."
"Woah."
"I win."
"Goddamn you, Trollestia."