I told you to go right

The next morning, after several strange dreams/nightmares involving the mental image kindly provided by Celestia, I awoke to knocking on the door. Begrudgingly, I heaved myself from under the enchanting warmth of the bedsheets and checked around the room. Nothing had changed, except Inferno was now sleeping on the floor, face buried in an open drawer of socks. Just as I turned to get the door, I heard Thunderlane mutter something in his sleep.
"Yes Celestia..." he sighed, smiling as he rolled over. "I will worship your plot..." Groaning, I rolled my eyes, sorted my mane, woke myself up, and trotted to the door.
"Sup." I said as I opened it. Instead of a guard, in front of me stood Prince Blueblood. Blonde mane, blue eyes, stereotypical knob-rot.
"Excuse me?" he growled. "Where is your respect, you foal?" I assumed he wanted to be treated like a Prince, so I treated him like Will Smith.
"Ok, lemme try again..." I cleared my throat. "Sup, my homeboy, Blueblood! How you runnin' the streets, man?" I wrapped a foreleg around his shoulder, and I swear I heard an audience laughing.
"What is the meaning of this?!" he screeched, going red with rage.
"Nah, it's K." I grinned. "You talkin' to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, man!" With that, I slammed the door in his face and went back to bed. I laughed to myself, burrowed under the covers, and tried going back to sleep.
Tried.
There must have been some kind of magical lock preventing the blanket user from falling asleep again. That's bloody genius. I thought to myself. Swear Celestia has like some über powerful version that wakes her up at four in the fucking morning.
That I do.
You're shitting me with this.
Yes, I can infiltrate the 'BNK-3R' that is your mind.
You have no idea how goddamn sexy a reference like that is. Seriously, turn around now.
Erm, no. I only know of the 'greatest defence bot ever built' because I broke into your mind.
What are we discussing?
Lulu, it is good to speak with you at this hour.
Likewise.
Did Blueblood not say he was visiting our guests?
That prick? You know everybody hates that bastard, right?
Yes. In fact, I just watched Thunder Mustang treat him like one of his bros.
That I did.
Wait, when did he join this call?
Since this is his mind we're invading. Fancy having some fun, Lulu?
Oh no...
You bet, sis.
Tee Hee. First, let's say...[color]
Wet dreams?
I will summon my Lawyer if you don't get out.
Hmmm...he's too good for that. Voice editing?
Right, that's it: OBJECTION TIME.
I left the princesses to their suffering and went over to the fridge. I felt kind of bad for leaving them at the mercy of Phoenix Wright, but still: they wanted to piss around with my voice, they face my exceedingly good lawyer who likes objecting. Since I couldn't sleep, I pulled the milk from the fridge, and made a coffee.
"Oi, prick." I called to Inferno. He drowsily looked up from the drawer. "Wanna coffee?"
"Mm-Hmm." he groaned. Just before he could return to his futile attempts at sleeping, I stopped him.

"Blankets must be enchanted; couldn't go back to sleep after I woke up." I laughed, pouring the milk in both cups. "Have a nice morning."

"Gentlemen!" I stated firmly and clearly as we trotted down the corridor. Guards rolled their eyes and looked. "It is a glorious day...to be a Capitalist."
"Agreed." one guard shouted back.
"Down with commies." another joined in the political fun.
"Njet. Mother Tigeria is communist." one guard mocked. "Let us go be tall and make nuclear bombs."
"Now this is just racist..." Thunderlane groaned. "We go to breakfast, and somehow you two idiots get all the guards to air their political views."
"Yeah, pretty much." Inferno chuckled. After a few minutes, we eventually arrived at a different room instead of the dining room. Instead of large double doors, it had simple 'sports-center' double doors like you might find anywhere else. Trotting calmly in, we realised this looked more like some hotel bar, except with ponies. A sudden whistle caught our attention. Looking over, we saw the princesses and Prince Bluebollocks sat calling us over. The latter, however, seemed to be wearing some kind of armour chestplate.
"Morning, gentlecolts." Celestia warmly greeted. She was wearing the regalia this morning, as well as her sister.
"Morning." came our reply.
"How's the wound?" Luna asked me. I hadn't really checked. Looking at my right wing, I realised it was healing up pretty well. It no longer looked like corrosive wounding; more like fire damage.
"Pretty good." I smiled back. "I'm not dead, decent night's sleep, I sued you mentally: it is a glorious day for Capitalism."
"Ha!" Celestia threw her head back and laughed, before putting on a Russian accent. "In Mother Tigeria, toilet shit on you." This raised a laugh from the rest of us.
"Thought you weren't a fan of swearing?" Inferno asked. "After all, you told your student to tie him up." He pointed a hoof at me.
"Yes, I'm also considered a ruler who loves all her subjects." she smiled, before coughing the words 'Door' and 'Thunder's face'.
"Never got you back for that."
"Never will." Luna slyly smiled. "Nightmares won't end otherwise."
"Luna, his very existence is a nightmare." Blueblood growled. "Why is he even here?"
"Blueblood, I'll have you know that A) We're here because Ponyville is attempting to lynch Inferno and myself, B) Thunderlane was willing to help, and we somehow ended up in the throne room, and C)..." I replied, before running out of ideas.
"...You're a prick." Luna finished. We all burst out with laughter, except the fresh prince.
"Well, unlike him, I am truly the knight in shining armour here." he knocked on his chestplate. "I am leading a small group to go and capture a bandit clan."
"A knight in shining armour has never truly had his mettle tested." I growled. After a moment of silence, Celestia spoke up.
"That's a pretty nice quote. I might use that next time a griffon begins claiming to be the big 'I-am'." She laughed. "Blueblood, meanwhile, will not be stopping the bandit clan: his group will." The prince nearly spat out his cornflakes.
"What?!" he gasped, "But Princess! They require my lead-"
"No, they don't." Celestia glared at him over some toast. "I have Captain Shining Armor on that. You, meanwhile, have a new job: hunt down and eliminate the Threshers in Diamondhoof mountain." He was speechless.
"Have fun with Terry!" I laughed as I nudged him. Unfortunately, he fell over, frozen in shock. Ponies all around stopped to look at him.
"It's alright, people." Inferno called out to them. "He's just been sent on a mission he probably won't return from."
"WOOHOO! NO BLUEBLOOD FOREVER!" Came the crowd reply.
"Finally." Celestia smiled over her coffee. "A good reason to hold his funeral."