I told you to go right

The train ride, thankfully, was carried out with me and my male 'original' friends in a different carriage to the girls. We'd found out a few days ago that Applejack was headed to Appaloosa with the girls, and they invited us along. Whilst everypony else had a good reason to go, my excuse of 'to spread the puns of Clint Eastwood and explain how many shots a Jakob is worth' trembled in comparison to Twilight's reason of 'digging up cacti and finding a cure for cancer'. But, before any of us (beside Barney the purple dickbag and Rarity) went to sleep, we were up telling stories. Most, it seemed, were directed towards our dimension.
"So a group of terrorists just planted a bomb just like that?" Rainbow asked eagerly, looking down from her top bed.
"Mm-hmm." Fire replied. "Operation: Counter Strike Source was a failure, sadly. One of our boys shot the bomb carrier twice, and still that sumbitch kept going."
"Ahhhhh, haha." I groaned as I reclined against the wall. "Ha, not even gonna make the pun."
"I will lynch you." Ebony laughed.
"What? On this glorious...evening for Capitalism?" I snorted. "Come on, not in the desert. I'll make Markus puns when we run over a skag whilst 'Ain't no rest for the wicked' plays in the back ground. Or, when our train smashes into a bandit truck. Until then: I'll not make puns."
"Phew." Fluttershy sighed. "You planning to make innuendos?"
"Why not? It's gonna be a long and hard journey without innuendos." Solar cut in.
"If you don't shut your trap, I'll penetrate you with bullets." Applejack smirked, winking at him. I groaned and facehoofed.
"Really, you two?" I muttered. "We all know you're having sex, we get it. So stop telling us what you plan to do in the tricking barn."
"Heh." Applejack and Solar blushed slightly.
"Anyway, if I don't smoke at least one cigar whilst I'm in Appaloosa, ah'm gun t' lynch every last one o' y'all. Hear me?"
"Wow." Rainbow whistled. "Not even there and already you're getting into the western spirit."
"Yall'd better believe it." I replied. "Twilight'll be the mare o' the few days we're there: erry stallion's gunna want her, Inferno'll kick their asses to the dirt, and it'll all be over after a bottle o' beer. Ain't that right, Inferno?"
"Heck yeah, boy." Inferno smirked.
"We need hats." Twilight suddenly said, making us all jump.
"And revolvers..." I sighed.
"What about ponchos?"
"Yes."
"Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE!" Spike suddenly yelled, storming out of the door with his pillow. When it slammed, Twilight growled.
"Thunder, stop talking to Spike."
"What can I say?" I chuckled, rubbing a hoof against my fur. "Kid learns from the best."
"The best jackass." Rainbow dryly added.
"Hey, you starting?" I grunted, getting up. "I will bitch slap you once more unto dawn."
"Spontaneous speech changing." Twilight muttered. "Sign of insanity."
"MEAT PUPPETS." I yelled, turning and glaring at her with an eye twitch for effect. I felt the lavender mare was intimidated enough, so I sat down.
"Hey, is anything gonna happen while we're here?" Pinkie asked. Just when we hoped she'd STFU..
"You guys can tell the future! Is anything going to happen?"
"Bloomberg gets kidnapped, so does Spike, Rainbow tries saving him, breaks her face on a sign, shit happens in Appaloosa, natives and Appaloosans go to war for a few minutes, then make up. Finally, I receive a certificate of badassery from Buck Norris." I said in reply calmly. "Any more questions, smartass?"
"Nope!" Pinkie giggled. "You're such a barrel of laughs, Thunder!"
"You're such an irritating bi-"
"Ok, we get it." Fluttershy groaned. I winced at her voice: I'm still fucking terrified of that mare. "Think we shouldkeep telling stories?"
"Good idea, Fluttershy." Twilight smiled. "Who's got one?"
"Me." I quickly said.
"Anypony not planning to scar us for life?"
No hooves.
"Fine." Twilight sighed. "Thunder, just try to keep it...within Geneva Convention, Kay?"

"Very well." I began. I quickly turned the lights off, grabbed my torch, and held it under my chin as I stood up in the centre of the carriage. "Legends tell of Captain Blade, and his Lost Treasure of the dried sands. Colts and stallions would turn the sands red in search of it. The legends tell of a Pirate Queen, beautiful as she was deadly, of a great leviathan, and of the 12 intrepid adventurers who would travel to the town of Appaloosa, not knowing the horrors that would befall them..."

"...and so, with the mighty Leviathan defeated, the twelve adventurers began the onslaught that was the Battle of Appaloosa." I finished. The story had kept interest: nopony had dared yawn lest they miss part of the story that CLEARLY isn't the plotline to a Borderlands 2 DLC.