I told you to go right

That night, as I sat under the stars with my crudely forged revolver, I realized how restless the night would be for some of us. For as it turns out, that night was the one night where Rarity, Fire Trail, Applejack, Solar Blast, Sky Wheel, Rainbow Dash, Inferno Cloud, and Twilight Sparkle decided to have a...what's the word? Eightsome? I don't fucking know. But it sounded as though GLAdoS was being replaced by Wheatley with her vocabulator set at max whilst it played through every speaker ever made. I contemplated going up and shooting them all, but then I looked at my 'gun'. Almost an exact replica of the .357 from Half Life 2, except with the added threat of it exploding in my hoof in a comical manner.
"Maybe I can eat it." I quietly said to myself. However, I stopped myself from swallowing the explosive object that would serve no practical purpose due to a sudden flash of blue beside me. I didn't even bother looking, and grinned.
"Come to help me find a use for this thing?" I asked.
"No," came the reply, followed by hoofsteps coming up beside me, "I came to find out which Hunter was jumping around upstairs." I looked quizically at Luna. She sighed. "Yes, I did see that part of your brain. One of these days, I'll bash Francis' head in."
"Yeah, his character's a dick like that. So whatchoo want?"
"Just to give you company. I saw the Blacksmith episode earlier. God, did Inferno really eat Twilight out in the storage cupboard, there? And you walked in on them?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Oh, the scandal that would have occurred if anypony else had seen them..."
"Yes. I wish it wasn't me, maybe some other guy with a camera who everypony believed."
"I mean, imagine the scandal if you were seen, kissing my succulent, curvy, attractive rump..."
"Princess or not, I will pull the trigger with this."
"Oh, the papers would never relent in asking you what my moist, deep blue lips taste like..."
"It'll kill me, but you as well, but I'll still pull this trigger."
"Just imagine licking my-"
"FINAL WARNING BEFORE I SHOVE THIS IN YOUR MOUTH."
We both looked at each other, before Luna lowered her eyelids halfway with a mischievous grin.
"Really? You'd shove 'it' in my mouth?"
"I'd do more than that. Oh, this remind me of the days when you were a sexually attractive moon goddess that made innuendo every sentence. I wonder if that part of you is still there...?"
"What's wrong with innuendos? A day without them would be long and hard."
"Yep, still there."
Silence reigned, as we sort of awkwardly sat beside each other.
"...Oh my god, JC, a bomb!" Luna yelled suddenly, laughing.
"A bomb!" I replied quickly.
"It's a remote detonation, I'll defuse it!"
"Hurry!"
"I just have to pull this trigger here, and..." Luna pulled the trigger on the pistol, slamming the hammer forward with no effect. "There, relax, nothing happened."
"What a shame." I replied, straightening my hat.
Silence.
"Wanna make lo-"
"NO." I stated firmly. "Maybe if we end up in a REAL relationship, but not now."
"Or, to quote a certain German doctor, 'Later'."
"You realize if you were a human and you made any reference from my mind, it would summon every nerd to do your bidding."
"It would?"
"Yep."
"Well, I command you to fetch me some coffee, slave."
"That's evil, but funny."
"I've run out of things to talk about."
"Same."
"See ya later."

"Bye." A bright flash of blue meant I was alone. After 10 seconds, I sighed. "I've really been affecting her."

"Mmmph...nnnnn...wow, AJ...I've known you for how long, and you feel so good...nnnf..."
"...aaaand, there goes my sanity again." I sighed, sipping more cider as the others groaned.
"Agreed." Braeburn replied. "And I thought my cousin was just a pretty fa-"
"Utter one more syllable and I'll have you killed." I growled sharply. Braeburn coughed, before adjusting his Stetson. Most of the ponies who weren't upstairs having an eightsome had elected to sit in the living room downstairs. Our group, consisting of me, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Ebony Chopper, and Braeburn, had to put up with 'knighthoods' upstairs all night.
"Hmm...kinda bored." Fluttershy sighed, chugging some beer from the bottle and then tossing it out of the window. "How's the Revolver, Thunder?"
"Probably going to explode, and not on fire. So good." I replied. "I knew it was a good idea to wear a holster. Always a good idea."
"So...most humans wear holsters?" Braeburn asked.
"Quite a few do, yes, especially law enforcement in the United States. In the United Kingdom, however, the police are pussies, and only carry a stick. In gangster territory, them bitches don't need no holster. They tuck dem mo'fuckin' deagles down their pants, yo."
"Deagle?" Pinkie asked quickly. "Is that some kind of cigar? I like cigars."
"No, it's a really powerful pistol that can pierce 10 watermelons with a single shot. Bear in mind watermelons are about as hard as a human head." Ebony replied.
"Ohhh, shiiiiiit." Fluttershy laughed. "Dem niggas got served."
"You know, Fluttershy, you've changed since I first saw you. Maybe it's my friends and I, but you swear SOOOOO much."
"What's that? You got a fucking problem in you head? You think this is bullshit, you think I'm not trying? FUCK YOU. OK, FUCK. YOU."
"Right...?" I quietly muttered. "I might go to be-damn."
"What's up?" Braeburn asked.
"I'm gonna sleep outside. Ebony, you should too."
"Wh-oh." Ebony looked up, listened to the 'rockets entering dock', and nodded. Calmly, but with a huge chunk of sanity gone, we left the house.
It was worse outside.
"Aw, shit." Ebony groaned, sitting under the tree. "Did I ever tell you 'bout the time mah buddy Keith got stuck in a cereal box?"
"Ok, mate." I replied.
"Do you know what 'cumulonimbus' means?"
"Nah."
"Burger Tank!"
"I'mma gonna be a one man, cheeseburger apocalypse."

And not a single sleep was given that night.