I told you to go right

A good ten minutes of the journey back to the house were spent stopping to tell ponies to stop bowing to the Princess; it was a casual visit, none of this royal fanfare buisness. And by the time we had reached the house, we both a had a strange urge to go upstairs, dim the lights, lock the door, get into bed together, and just snooze. It was a tiring day; I'd run around the castle 5 times, had casual sex, demonstrated an RPG, had more sex, attempted to shoot a Chaos God in the head, ended up being teleported miles away from the city, before walking through a busy town where we had to stop every 10 seconds. So, it was a major surprise when the front door was locked, the lights were out, and there was muffled talking heard inside. The red house seemed eerily quiet.
"I'm slightly worried about what's going on in there." I said to Luna. "Pinkie had better not be throwing another damn party or some shit."
"Mmm, yeah." she replied, before finally removing her helmet and letting her steam-like mane flow freely in the breeze. "Aren't the girls headed to Canterlot, though?"
"Yeah, they are, I think." I scoffed. "Gonna be a hell of a surprise when they find the city overrun with...I dunno, jars of piss. Plus, that eliminates the option of the other guys getting laid. Probably safe to head inside." Luna nodded, before somehow levitating my front door key from her magical-invisible pockets, and sticking it in the door lock. The door clicked loudly, finally creaking open and shedding light on the room inside. I was shocked to see...
...my friends playing poker, each betting things like there's no tomorrow. I also happened to notice Fire Trail wearing my skull hat. I groaned.
"Guys, what the hell are you doing...?" I sighed, facehoofing as I led Luna inside and shut the door, before locking it shut.
"Well, it's Poker...afternoon." Inferno replied. "And this has a relatively Inventory-like feel."
"Good," I chuckled, sitting down. "I always fancied myself a bit of a Tycho."
"Nah, you're just a Psycho." Ebony grinned. "I'll fold." Suddenly, a chair appeared next to me, and the Princess sat down.
"Room for one more?" she asked, before producing a pile of poker chips from pretty much out of her ass.
"Sure!" Solar replied cheerily. "I think we ought to start this hand again, because now we have more damn poker chips than we started with. Want me to deal?"
"Nah, I'll do it." Sky cut in. He had Ebony's dealer visor, most likely the result of Ebony betting it and losing the hand. "Stakes are at 10,000 Bits."
"Alright." Luna smirked. "I'll raise." She pushed a naked hoof across the table, pushing 400 Bits worth of chips like it was no big deal.
"I dunno, check." I groaned. I pushed a few chips forward, I-don't-care-how-many. I heard Ebony groan.
"DAMMIT!" he yelled, smacking a hoof on the table and almost breaking my left foreleg in the process. "I won't win shit with these. Fold."
"Meh, I'll check." Fire replied. "Anyway, what brings you two down here?"
"Well," I sighed, "Discord's come back from being stoned, and he teleported us down here. If you look out the window, you'll see why there's no fucking chance we'll be going back there any time soon."
"Damn, forgot that'd happen." Sky muttered. "Fold. I thought Discord'd come down here first?"
"Nope.avi" I replied. "He turned my AWP into fucking strawberries. I doubt we'll be fighting him anytime soon."
"Mmm...yeah." Inferno sighed, checking his cards. "Errm...bet."
"Ha, you gunning for me, little guy?" Luna chuckled, eyeing the small Pegasus with a grin. He remained stoic.
"Damn right I am, Lulu. That helmet'll look damn good on me..." Inferno laughed. I groaned, smiling at the same time.
"You know, I'm just gonna fold to see how this showdown turns out." I grinned.
Kick his ass.
Damn right I will. That watch he's betting is as good as mine.
Watch...? Hey, wait! That's my fucking watch! Where the hell did he get that?!
"I'll do the same." Fire tapped his hoof on the table twice. "Fold." So, it was a duel between the two of them. Both glared at each other for a moment, the low light giving it a more tense feel. Finally, Inferno tapped a hoof on the table.
"Just because I want this to be obscenely tense..." he paused. "...all in." I immediately put on my best 'WTF' face.
"DAAAAAYUM!" I yelled simultaneously with Solar. Immediately, I ~~took off my hat, released Balls McScratchy, and he killed everybody because it would be fucking funny to talk about in the afterlife~~ looked at Inferno.
"Don't. Don't fucking do it." I whispered.
"How bad could it be?" he replied.
"I can make you fold, you know, especially now you've gone all in." Luna put on her most evil grin. Suddenly, Inferno groaned sharply. He gripped the table, sweating slightly. It happened again, and he fell off his chair. Whilst he was writhing in what seemed to be pleasure, I groaned with frustration.
"You see, this is the sort of thing that happens that makes me want to pump poison gas into all public buildings and start the country from fucking scratch." I sighed. "For fear of my marefriend causing me to pass out from an overpowering orgasm, I'll leave the game. If you need me, I'll be repainting the Afterburner." I began to get up.
"Afterburner?" Ebony asked.
"The flamethrower." I replied. "Once that's done, I'll begin to repaint the rifle attached. I don't want Blueballs' arse picture ruining the fear my weapon supplies."
"Very well," Sky nodded. "The player's funds are to be evenly split between the remaining pla-"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, we're too busy laughing at Inferno's expense. Shut up." Fire cut in, waving a dismissive hoof. With that, I headed upstairs to go and prepare the Afterburner for an inconsensual Discord-burning session.