I told you to go right

"Well, I assume you two have already had sex?" Twilight chuckled as we approached.
"Nope." I replied.
"Not yet, at least." Luna corrected, before leaning on me with forelegs crossed. I struggled to keep the weight of a mare twice my size up using just my head, so I had my neck bent down ever-so-slightly. "Isn't that right, sweetie?"
"Yes, dear." I smiled. "Oh, and that red paint spattered up the welding mask you're leaning on? That's not paint."
"What?" Luna murmured. I felt her shrug, and lean even further onto my head. "Meh. Anyway, today was good: many mares were able to slap Thunder, including me. Of course, I drew blood, and now I'm using him as a leaning-thing."
"Well, that's a shame I missed the opportunity to slap him." Rarity giggled.
"Nah, it was pegasi only." I replied, shifting under Luna's weight. "My brain decided to make an innuendo for no reason, and loads of mares received wing-boners. So, I said they could slap me as compensation. I spent a few minutes clicking my jaw back into place, and about ten minutes buffing dents from the welding mask."
"Yeah, Flitter did go overboard with that buck to the head." Luna added.
"Ahh, I was bucked in the head when I first got here, courtesy of AJ."
"Well, ah did what y'all deserved. Plus, ah didn't like y'all much back then." Applejack cut in.
"Touché." I smirked. "Well, I suppose that's all changed, eh? First time we met, you just thought of us as 5 stallions and a psychopath, now it's 6 of your coltfriends, 2 of which are dating Princesses, one of which is a fucking psychopath."
"Hey!" Luna shot back.
"I was talking about me, not you. Calm down, Lulu. Just calm down."
"OK. But you owe me a massage."
"Oh god, not this shit again..."
"Ooh, do expand on the backstory." Twilight giggled, bells atop her hat jingling.
"Well, it all started when you guys invaded our privacy. Luna got pissed, I tried killing myself for no fucking reason I can think of, I broke into the castle, saved two guards, released details of some creepy cult's plan, and as an apology for yelling at Luna, I gave her a massage." I said firmly.
"The next morning we woke up in bed together. Even if no sex happened, we're here now." Luna finished. "And here we stand, with my little Psychopath below me, as he should be."
"Other way round, sister." I chuckled. "So, how'd you guys and your first nights go?"
"Before we begin, do you think we should go somewhere private?" Inferno cut in.
"Er...ok?" Fire replied, before looking like he'd remembered something. "We can follow the Michael Rosen Map!"
"OK? Yeah? Yeah? OK?" Pinkie smiled, bouncing around inside my welding mask.
"Pinkie, I will smack that mask in a minute, just so you go deaf." I growled.
"Oh Thunder, you're such a barrel of laughs!" Pinkie giggled, before becoming a helicopter by spinning Ebony's axe around really fast.

"Yeah, and you're an irritating bi-"

We had lit the fire, removed our costumes, and sat on the chairs of our home's living room. Unfortunately, Luna had decided to sit in front of the fire, and it was cold on my own, so I was forced to abandon my comfy chair and lie beside her. However, it felt even better when she wrapped a wing over my back, so I didn't mind. Once we'd all settled, we started our evening.
"So, shall Twilight and I start?" Inferno asked. The rest of us nodded and turned to the Pegasus and unicorn.
"Okay." Twilight began. "The first few days when you guys had arrived, there was the whole Gala Ticket jazz. As I was running from the crowd, Sky Wheel, Inferno, and Thunder swooped down and collected the ticket. Later, Thunder came back to the library, with the ticket, and I spontaneously opened up to him my feelings on Inferno."
"That happened." I nodded.
"Yeah, it did. According to you two, anyways." Inferno continued. "Well, at that very moment I walked into the library, and heard Twilight saying that she liked me. So we kicked Thunder out really violently, and that night we made love. Next morning, we were certain that we were an item, and decided to, officially, become marefriend and coltfriend." The rest of us clapped at the tale.
Just then, there was a tug on my ear. Looking to the left, I saw that Luna was nibbling my ear.
"Yes, Luna?" I sighed.
"Well, I made some toast." she whispered. "Want some?"
"Nah." I replied. "You can have it all."
"Hmm..." she purred, before beginning to nuzzle my neck strangely slowly. "Is there some reason you don't want any? Because you messed with the bread?"
"No, it's because I'm not hungry. And because you're adorable."
"I'm aware."
"Well, who's next?" Fire asked. "Sky and Rainbow?"
"Yeah, alright." Rainbow Dash shrugged, sitting up. "It all started with a race. He won, we had sex. That's it."
"O...K...if you put it that bluntly, but anyway." Sky rolled his eyes. "Next? Fire and Rarity?"
"Alright." Fire cleared his throat. "That day that Thunder and Inferno had your...well, episode, Rarity and I plucked up the courage to confront each other about my feelings."
"Yes," Rarity chimed in, "After a good explanation, he eventually convinced me not to be mad. However, he convinced me to bed him."
"He was climbin' in yo windows, snatchin' yo virginity up." I added.
"Shut up, home boy," Rarity shot back, "You are dumb: you are really dumb, fo' real. Whaddya say to THAT, home boy?"
"Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husbands 'cos he be rapin' errybody round here." Fire laughed.
"Uuhh, nope. It's just me, Sky Wheel."
"Aww, HEEEELLL NO."
"Uuhh, yes."
"Ahhh, no."
"Eeyup."
"Negatory."
"Heck yeah."
"What the fuck are we doing...?" Twilight finally asked. We all stopped.
"I dunno," Luna replied. "Anyway, Thunder, do you wanna go to the castle tonight?"
"Gladly. I don't think I saw Ebony while I was there last time." I nodded. "Plus, I've missed having sex with you."
"Same. Wanna do it now?"
"Hell yeah. But let's go upstairs first."
"I knew you two would end up dating from the start." Twilight giggled. "I had it all written down; all that remains is pregnancy, marriage, and then Thunder dying of age."
"Yeah, death'll come sooner for you, Twilight." I sniped back, as Luna and I began to go upstairs. "Tell me: did anypony ~~manage to kill a RED Spy on the way here?~~ find a way to refuel the Afterburner? No? Well I'll use the knife then."