I told you to go right

"So..." I panted, staring at the ceiling of Luna's bedchamber.
"Are you...really...going to ask something...right now?" she replied breathlessly.
"Well, I wouldn't...ask before sex, would I?" I smiled. Luna smiled back.
"Good point. What?"
"How come I don't see your guards kicking around?"
"What do you mean? Dark Sky and Wrench Work?"
"Yeah, those tw-wait, you've only got two?"
"W-Well, y-yes, those were the only two guards who weren't utterly terrified of me on first meeting me...so they became my guards."
"So...a lack of fear keeps them by your side? Is that why they're so indifferent to tonnes of shit?"
"Yes. Why are you asking me this? What are you planning...?"
"Nothing.~~" I replied innocently, whistling and grinning. I figured that she'd get my idea in 3...2...1...
"...are you...wait, you're planning to join the LUNAR GUARDS?!?" Luna immediately sat up in bed, rolled over on top of me, and pinned me down by my wings and legs in less than 2 seconds. I considered struggling, but the serious expression on her face was enough to stop me from doing so.
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes...?" I whimpered.
"Don't you dare." Luna growled. "My guards are the Elite of the Elite, best of the best. You'd be mauled by the training, eviscerated by the Drill Instructors. So: still certain you'll join?"
"Well," I replied sharply, "Since I arrived here all those months ago, I've already been kicked in the head, shot at, thrown out of a clock tower, mentally raped and invaded, bound, carried on my best friend's back, mind controlled, been set on fire, gone slightly deaf from the sound of rifle fire, set on fire AGAIN, chased by an entire village, received acidic burns from a creature that had been around me for years, chased by a buffalo hoard, pushed so far I nearly killed myself, smoked 5 cigars that have probably annihalated my lungs, and right now I'm being held down my my marefriend. I think I can handle some hard knocks."
"Oh, these aren't hard knocks we're talking about." Luna grinned carnivorously, narrowing her eyes and moving worryingly close to my face. "The things you've been through will feel like one of my signature massages, while the training would feel like a crowbar to the skull. Are we done here?"
"...yes." I sighed. Finally, the pressure was released from my limbs, and I gave them a slight move around, all the while I found myself glaring at Luna. She had rolled over to face away from me, and from the sounds she was making, she was...crying...?
I shifted carefully forwards, before wrapping a foreleg over her shoulder as gently as I could. My small form pailed in comparison to her mighty goddess body, and I noticed that I would be able to slide my head underneath her neck. So I did just that, my blue head easily fitting underneath her warm neck, before popping up on the other side. To save you all from bursting into tears, I won't describe what she looks like when she's in tears. But she was in tears.
"Lulu?" I asked quietly. She moved her hooves from her eyes, and looked at me tearfully. "What's wrong?"
"I'm...I'm a bully..." she sniffed.
"No, no, you're not." I replied. I reached a my other hoof up to her chin, somehow over her body and bending like Mr Tickle's arms along the way. "The pony that accuses you of being a bully is losing a spine. You're no bully; you're Princess Luna, goddess of the moon! And to be honest, somepony calling you a bully is technically 'bullying the so called bully'."
"Bullyception?" she smiled slightly.
"Yeah, bullyception. How do you even know about that?" I grinned.
"How come I haven't turned you into a dog yet?"
"I don't know, is it because I'm handsome?"
"No, it's because I already have one." Luna reached up a hoof, and ruffled through my mane. Being the mane it was, it immediately bounced back into it's original position. VO5 EXTREME STYLING GEL: BREAK THA MUTHA FUKIN MOLD, BITCH
"Aww, I love you too. Speaking of pets, did you ever meet Steve?"
"You have a pet?"
"Yes, my friends and I have a pet called Steve. I'd bring you to come and say hi, but I have no fucking clue where he went. Maybe into the Everfree, I dunno. But he was called Steve."
"What was he?"
"Ursa Major."
"Pfft, that's a lie."
"Uuuhhh, nope. Go through my memories if you want, you'll find Steve."
"Fine: I will."

"Go right on ahead, Lulu."

"So, you wanted to defeat Terry?" I asked.
"Yes, why?" Luna smartly replied. Her horn had a small ball of light attached to it, illuminating the dark cliff face. Wrong wrong step might have forced me to use my rarely used wings, thus spending my valuable effort supplies on a pointless errand.
"Well," I shivered, "It's just that you decided to fight a nearly invincible monster, without any other help. And no weapons."
"Yes, well, I have my horn. You have...I'm working on it." Luna grinned sheepishly.
"Great. I'm dead." I groaned as we both entered the area we last met Terry. The pile of things was still there, as well as many holes. The moon illuminated this area incredibly brightly, but not by as much as the sun did last time. "Well, this is it, Terramorphous Peak."
"Mm-hmm." she smiled. "Where's Terry?"
"I dunno," I replied sharply, "Maybe you could use a burst of detect life magic and see where he is?"
"~~Kill me.~~ Maybe you could touch my ass one last time?"
"Later."