I told you to go right

Later, once my shit was locked, loaded, sharp, and shit hot, I made a quick visit to the labs. After all, the previous night Celestia had mentioned MY CAR had fallen from the sky or some shit, so it was worth checking out. When I entered, I received a few nods from the ponies inside, and Doktor was over in the corner with a mare, reading something on a clipboard. I waved, and moved on to a door where a stallion waited outside. He was tan, had brown, gelled-up hair, and his cutie mark seemed to be a music note. I didn't think to inquire about that.

"You must be Thunder." he greeted, extending a hoof. I returned the favour.

"Aye, and you are?" I asked politely.

"Skipped Beat, DJ for hire. I'm doing the music for the after-party, after that Vinyl Scratch mare..." He trailed off, then caught my confused look. "Oh! Sorry, I'm rambling. Best get to seeing what I recognise as your car." I blinked. How does he know that it's mine...?

"Yeah..." I murmured as he opened the door to enter. "Let's..." As I entered, the smell of diesel hit me hard. After a year, that amazing, petrol-like smell was welcome. I smiled and breathed in, looking around the workshop. The car engine was being scanned with a unicorn's horn, each part flashing blue as he spotted it. The large metal device was fully out of the body, and I didn't realise a shitty car had a 'Ford Motor Company V8 Diesel Primer Ignited' whatchamacallit. I looked to the body next; the red jeep bodywork was placed around the room, being stared at with intent by scientists, while the chassis remained relatively untouched. In a pile behind was all the tools I used when I went to go and do shit with/for my friends: a crowbar, a sledgehammer, a set of tarpaulins, a pair of Black and Decker saws, and a box of nails, which had of course fallen out of their shitty Co-Operative plastic bag, which was totally safe to store iron spikes in. One scientist gave me a look as I picked up the crowbar and whacked it into my free hoof.

"Can we help you, sir?" he asked, standing up. I looked back.

"Ah, yes, you could." I replied politely, after remembering something that would confirm if this really was mine. "When you brought this here, or where you found it, was there a rectangular sheet with some letters and numbers on it?" The Pegasus smiled, and brought out the license plate.

"Of course. If it helps us know about it by having a human tell us, that's good. What is this for?"

"Identification, mostly." I replied, reading the numbers. 'B16T WAT' It was a gift from a friend, reading 'Big twat'. And to be honest, if you drove like me, that's all.you'd hear. Scientists began listening, but didn't avert their eyes from their work. "Millions of these vehicles all around the world would be in active service for years at a time, so some form of identification was necessary. Not every vehicle looked different, so two red cars of the same model, make, and age would be difficult to tell apart without this." I held up the plate. "A license plate. These were usually on the front and back of a car, so if it was stolen, police would know to look for that license plate, stop the car, and slap the thief's shit with 50,000 volt tasers."

"Good to know, sir." smiled the scientist. "If there's anything else you need just let one of us know." I nodded, and turned to Skipped Beat.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how do you know this is my car?" I asked him. He smiled nervously, rubbing the back of his head with a hoof.

"Ehm...my brother had one like it back in Griffonia?" he stuttered, darting his eyes. I glared at him. "Really. And you don't think these would be everywhere by now? No. Now tell me the truth."

"You wouldn't believe me." he sighed, looking down sadly. "If I said I'm from a universe where all this is a cartoon, and this car was driven by my brother, you'd slap my shit. He went missing a year ago when he went with his friends to an area of the Great Park, and I went to that place, and I'm here too. He's probably out there alone, in the cold, and I came here to save him." Suddenly, it clicked. I blinked in shock.

"J-Jonathan...?" I whispered, a tear in my eye. His expression of shock changed to that of happiness.

"Jack...?" he replied, a tear in his eye. We burst out cheering in an instant, surprising every scientist in the room, before he threw himself into me and gave me a brotherly noogie. "IT'S YOU! HAHAAAA! I FOUND YA!"

"I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" I laughed, trying to push his hoof away from my VO5 mane that would never lose it's style. "HOLY SHIT, YOU BECAME ONE HANDSOME SON OF A BUCK! WHERE'VE YOU BEEN THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME?!" He rolled onto his hooves and helped me up as well.

"Manehattan," he replied, "I've developed my DJ skills further than back home. Few gigs, few hundred bits each, my own apartment, no big deal."

"How'd you get citizenship?"

"I was a pony, I had money, I'm famous, I think nopony would notice." he smirked. "And I hear you've become quite the famous stallion too, huh? Dating a monarch, first bearer of prosthetic wings? Nice."

"Aye, and an assassin. I'm paid to protect the wedding."

"Just you?"

"No, hundreds of us. I'm in a clan. And you're doing music? Where's the music from?" He paused, and looked around. A few scientists gave a look. Skipped shrugged, and smirked.

"Well, I guess with all this it's no secret worth keeping." he said slightly loud. "My van, the one with my DJ stuff, came here too. It's parked in a backstreet in Canterlot, it's how I got here. I've mostly been playing music from my iTunes account. And of all the ponies I meet first, it's my missing brother, right after a wedding organiser who recognised me!"

"Well, bro," I smiled, before pulling out a Hoof & Stone .44 revolver from my jacket, much to his surprise. "You wanna help defend a wedding? Just get a suit."

"The hell've you been?" Inferno hissed from next to me as we stood in the crowd. We weren't allowed next to the bridesmaids, we were simply wedding guests, so we stood near the front. Skipped Beat arrived seconds later. "And who's this?"

"Yeah, Thunder, you're late!" Ebony grunted. "And who is he?"

"You know my brother, right?" I asked. "The DJ?"

"Yeah..." Inferno trailed off, before smiling and nodding to Skipped. He was wearing a suit and tie, and had the revolver tucked away in an inside pocket. The brown grip could be seen, but slightly. In front, the girls gave their 'we'll ask later' faces and returned to looking pretty for the cameras.

Celestia was smiling. "Princess Cadence, and Shining Armor: I now pronounce you husband and wi-"

"STOOOOOOOOOOOP!" A familiar voice rang down the hall, and groaning was heard. We all looked at Inferno, who shrugged. Twilight was now stood in the centre aisle, determined looking and approachig slowly up the path. I could already feel Bush aiming a rifle at her, so I went over the radio.

"Don't fire." I said firmly.

Bush audibly groaned. "But she's bloody ruinin' th-"

"Don't fire, she knows something. Let her finish, then I'll say if you can put her out. Over." Twilight was saying her 'she's evil!' speech, and I knew Cadence was crying. Then came another Cadence voice, and we all paused, gasping. "HOLY SHIT!" my friends and I all yelled, before looking at each other and doing a group rendition of the Eastenders theme tune whilst trying to keep straight faces. We all failed miserably, laughing on the floor in a pile. Before we could do anything els-

Thunder, stop arsing about.

Aw, why...?

Because this is an important event in Equestrian history! The Changelings attack Canterlot! Nopony has attacked Canterlot for over 1000 yea-

Yeah, whatever.

Ugh, fine. I'll help when it's TRULY needed.

And I love your ass too.

"Thunder, what the hell is that?!" Rainbow screamed amongst the crowd. In front of us stood a tall, black creature. It had blue, turquoise hair with holes in it, a huge horn and-ahhh, what the fuck do I care, it was a Changeling.

"Oh, FUCKING hell." I groaned loudly. I stepped forward, and Celestia was speaking. But rather than the original speech about her revealing herself, she had reading glasses on, so she probably didn't care.

"Ebony, could you be a dear and come forward please?" she asked. The buff grey unicorn looked confused, but did so, standing in front of her and the crowd.

"Sure, what for, honey?" he replied. In answer, Celestia lit her horn up, crackling with gold energy, and illuminated the room. A yellow beam of power came from the appendage, before flowing right onto Ebony. He panicked, yelling loudly, and scrambling for purchase on the floor.

Was Celestia:

A) Stealing his life force for power?

B) Combining herself with him?

C) Doing something sexual?

Or D) Destroying Canterlot to rid the infestation?

None of the above, she was Übercharging him.

Many jaws dropped as Ebony crackled with yellow, shining energy. His eyes went fully yellow and spewed out beams of light and his normal voice went terrifyingly Russian. He let out a mighty roar, and ripped out a massive piece of the floor to throw. Said piece of floor was thrown, and at Chrysalis. At about 88MPH. ~~But before it hit her, it went back to the future and stopped Balls McScratchy from destroying the Pentagon.~~

"I WILL SQUASH YOU LIKE BUG!" he laughed in a shit-scary way. Everypony ran, including all of us.

"SHIT, HIDE, WHAT THE COCK JUST HAPPENED, SHIT, HIDEHIDEHIDEHIDEHIDEHIDEHIDEHIDEHIDEHIDE-" Sky was yelling. We all leapt behind an overturned table with the girls, and tried desperately not to all have cardiac arrests. Flittershy was already in that stage, so no surprise.

"Holy SHIT, übercharged Ebony!" Inferno yelled over the sound of shit breaking behind us. "Best idea ever!"

"Well, don't Luna über the damn Sniper!" I laughed. "This is just like Team Fortress 2!"

"Damn straight!" Fire added, cheering. "We just need doktor up here, and it's TF-"

Behind us came a loud yell, followed by a clanking. We looked over the table, and all hope died.

Celestia, and Ebony, were lying on the floor, gasping for breath. Celestia's horn now had an acidic green gunge on the tip, like I had on my wing however many chapters ago. Many jaws dropped simultaneously.

"I have more power than Celestia!" Chrysalis laughed. Twilight and the girls ran over, follows by the boys. My brother and I drew pistols, and shared a look.

Shoot her?

Shoot her.

So, we did. Both of us popped up from behind cover wielding powerful handguns, and began to unload. In slow motion, it would have looked like a Western shoot out with two brothers fighting a creepy bitch who was able to deflect our bullets. I frowned, and ducked down.

"Shit, she eats bullets!" I grumbled, changing the six bullets with a fresh six, emptying the shells onto the floor. I turned on my mic. "Bush, Six, Rock, Swift, Iron, Rooftop, get ready to roll. I have a new follower, protect the Elements as they leave the hall, I'm coming to you!"

"Copy." Six replied.

"We gotcha covered." Swift added.

"Let's give 'em a gobful!" Bush laughed.

"I am ready!" Rock yelled.

"Prepped and ready." Iron grunted.

"Let's get this done fast." Rooftop said calmly, before dropping down from the ceiling of the hall. "Quicker this gets done, quicker we get paid, quicker that party happens, and the quicker I can try bribing Fleur for her ass."

I nodded, before following the girls and boys outside into the streets.

The battle was due to start, and I wouldn't miss it.

I'd be the talk of it.

I

AM

A

SHITTY

PERSON

FOR

WRITING

DRAMATIC

STUFF

LIKE

THIS

I

HAVE

ALSO

BECOME

A

BAD

FAN

CHARACTER.

HOW

MANY

LINES

HAS

THIS

TAKEN

UP?

SHIT,

TOO

MANY,

I'LL

STOP

NOW.