The Joker and The Rose.

= Artemis =

I was sitting in the conference room, the american ambassador opposite me leaned his arms on the table between us.

"It's not that hard of a choice, all we ask is that you simply withdraw and disassemble your forces from the south Atlantic ocean, set up a contract that delivers a total 95% of your total oil export to the united states. Then the-"

"No," I interrupted the ambassador.

"Excuse me?" he was somewhat shocked at my answer.

"Yeah, i know it's hard for you Americans to take no for an answer, seeing as how you have the UN in your pocket and over 50% of the worlds collective military power," I leaned in closer to the ambassador, "But there isn't a snowballs chance in hell that i will let my country be oppressed by your so called 'democracy'." i leaned back in my chair.

The ambassador was stunned, i think it's the first time he met a foreign nations representative with some actual guts.

After some time the ambassador responded, "I think you will find this choice... unwise." he said before he collected the documents he had brought with him and left the room.

I walked out of the conference room only to see the ambassador storm down the hallway, pushing people out the way.

"Hehe," i laughed to myself, my phone started ringing, i picked it up from my pocket answered it.

"I take it from your laughing that the meeting went well?" a female voice said.

"Yes, it went very well," my eyes followed the ambassador finally reaching the end of the hallway and making a right turn.

"Tell the president that i gave them his message, i suspect the US response will come within the hour." i continued.

"You don't think they will evacuate their embassy first?" the woman asked.

"No, i imagine their personnel is expendable, make sure to double check the SAM sites, they are made in USA after all." i answered. The woman laughed.

"Yes, i think that is best," she finished as she hung up the phone.

My eyes opened, i was lying in a hospital bed with a bunch of wires hooked up between me and a heart rate monitor.

"Huh, so i guess they do have some form of electricity." i mumbled before closing my eyes again.

"Sir, three F-16 incoming from the east!" the radar officer shouted from his position on the bridge.

"Deploy one of the Sky-Wings, make sure that those air crafts don't report our position." i ordered him.

"Sir yes sir." the officer said as he pushed a button and talked in to a microphone, "Three F-16 incoming, deploy a Sky-Wing to take them out." he said before returning to his post.

Moments later i could see how a underwater vessel shot out from the side of the aircraft carrier. It quickly pierced the surface, rising high into the air and flew off due east to eliminate the enemy jets approaching.

"Sir, 3 minutes off until we are in range of the american military base." another officer said from his position by the electronic map on the wall.

"Good, once we take out their pacific base in the Atlantic we will no longer have to worry about them launching an attack against the island belt." i said as i took a sip from a glass of water standing on the control desk in front of me.

"Sir, incoming call from the Pentagon," the communications operator said.

"Let it through, on the big screen please," i saw how a large screen lowered itself from the roof and lit up. On the screen i saw 10 different images of people sitting on a respective chair, they might not have been in the same room from what i could tell.

"Mentlegen, if you have something to say then say it quickly, war leaves little time for niceties towards the likes of you," i said as i took another sip of water.

"We know what you are trying to do Artemis, but know that if you go through with this then the consequences will be more than severe," the one in the middle said.

I chuckled slightly, "If only you had followed your own advice two months ago," i put the glass of water down again.

I saw how the knuckles whitened as the man who had talked tightened his fists, another one spoke "We know that was a foolish move. but there is no reason for you to-"

"I have every reason to completely snuff out your petty excuse for a nation!!" i interrupted the man, "you doomed yourself the day you sent the kill order on my mother, not to mention taking somebody i once loved hostage!" i continued.

"Your mistakes have been many and very foolish, it is time you realized that the United States isn't as great as you think, i will show the world that you aren't untouchable." i pressed a series of buttons and flipped off the safety switch.

"Please... Artemis, i beg of you, don't do it," a third man begged, "my daughter is serving on that military base, i will do anything, please just don't do this!"

I looked at the begging man, his face was that of utter despair, sweat mixing with tears.

"Sir, we are in range of the military base." i heard the navigation officer say.

"What is your name?" i asked the man.

"M-McCain." the man said.

"Well then mister McCain, i want you to remember this day, for this is the day i showed you what the united states put me through," i pressed the button.

"NOO!" The man yelled. but it was already too late, the missiles had been launched, within minutes their island military base would be nothing but a pile of smoldering rock.

I pressed another button and ended the call, "At least we won't be using nuclear warheads, they will be able to retrieve the bodies, if they find any." i said as i watched the missiles soar to the sky.

My eyes opened once more, i was back in the hospital bed, this time i saw Onyx and Ramon sitting at a table playing chess.

"Did somebody get the number on that truck?" i asked in a parched voice.

Ramon's ears snapped at the sound and turned to me, "hey, welcome back to the living Ah-temis," he said.

Onyx looked my way, "well well, look who's awake, you gave us a scare there." she walked up to the side of the bed.

"What happened?" i asked the changeling.

"Your plan worked, i think. Iron side's ship was turned to tinder, you were knocked unconscious by the blast." she explained.

"Where are we?" i looked around.

"We are in the Neighland hospital in Maneapolis, we arrived two days ago."

"What happened to our ship? the crew?"

"They are alright, the ship took minor damage from the explosion, and you were the only one who got injured."

"Well isn't that just my luck. Did you have any problems with the military when you arrived?"

"No, i disguised myself as Silver Shield and explained the ships damage as a failed ambush by diamond dogs. Currently we have Captain Bloodhoof in Maneapolis, but not to worry, as soon as you get better we will leave."

"We still need to get the stuff we came for."

"Already taken care off, the ship is ready with new crew members and supplies, i released the rescued slaves and ponies."

"They will surely run straight to Bloodhoof and tell him about us."

"I took an extra precaution and flushed the rescued slaves memories of us, all they will know is that a pirate band is in Equestria." Onyx smiled.

"Seems like you found some nice spell books eh?"

"Eeyup, the library had some very interesting things."

"So, do we have any money left after your little shopping spree?"

"Oh yes, the gems we changed in has us set for a good time." Onyx smirked.

"Niiice." i smiled back.

A nurse entered the room, she seemed uneasy around the diamond dog but the silvery stallion standing by the bed made her feel safe. She asked me a couple of questions and gave me shot, after that i was ready to leave.

Onyx had managed to get me some new clothes plus fix the ones that got damaged in the blast, the tailor had gotten my size right, though i think he got confused when he tried to make the underwear, But no matter, at least i didn't have to go naked.

When i saw the Kon-Tiki III i knew that Onyx had spent the money well.

The hull had been reinforced with steel plating painted light brown, almost golden.

I walked aboard the ship and met the new crew members.

"This is Iron Hoof, he is our new shipwright/when something breaks he fixes it." Onyx introduced the middle aged dark green colored stallion, a light grey beard on his chin. "Pleased ta meetcha." The stallion said in a strong Irish accent as he shook my hand to breaking point, still had to figure out how ponies do that with their hoofs.

"Next, our doctor and surgeon Doctor Liza Feelgood and her colleague/competitor Gearmaine Herblitz, specialist within robotics, prosthetics and engineering."

Liza was a white colored unicorn with strange specks of red in her fur, like she had been splattered with blood here and there, she had a light British accent when she spoke. Gearmaine was a chestnut colored Pegasus, her coat was covered with dark spots like she had crawled through an engine, her both back legs, her right wing and her left front leg had long been replaced by her own crazy machinery, she spoke with a hint of German accent.

"A pleasure to meet you," Feelgood said in good manners and shook my hand lightly.

Gearmaine had a slightly different way of shaking hand/hoof, she promptly spit in her right hoof and extended the sloppy thing, "How ya doin'?" she asked in a childish yet somewhat mature voice. I spit in my own hand and shook her hoof.

Lost boys never give up the opportunity to do a spit shake.

"Ugh, must you always be so filthy?" Feelgood asked Gearmaine.

"Forget my sister, she must always be so posh about things." Gearmaine explained to me.

"What, you two are sisters?" i took a look at them both and they were about as different as you can get, maybe that's the point.

"Yes, she is my sister from another mister." Feelgood explained.

"So, different fathers?" i asked them both

"Exactly!" Germaine exclaimed.

"Moving on," Onyx basically had to push me down the line of the new crew members that had been lined up on the deck.

"These are our new cooks, Sam Pepper and Rosemary." Sam was a light brown earth pony with tiny tiny black spots around his talent mark which was literally just a pepper shaker, nothing else. "Hello, nice to meet you" Sam said in a cockney accent.

Rosemary was also an earth pony, she had a green coat, dark pink tail and purple mane, "Hi," she simply greeted.

"That is everybody, i couldn't find a navigator that wasn't already enrolled with the military." Onyx explained.

"Have you told them about what we are?" i asked the changeling.

"You people be pirates right?!" i could hear Gearmaine shout from back down the line.

"That we are!" i shouted back.

"Whoooo!" i could see Gearmaine raise her front hoofs to the sky and promptly fall face first on the floor, her sister facehoofed.

"That be true everybody, we are pirates. My name is Artemis, i will be your captain. It is my intent to take this ship for a joyride across Equestria." i explained to the new crew members, "know that this will not be easy, we will surely attract the attention of the Equestrian military, i think i might set it as a goal to piss them off. We are pirates and we take shit from nobody, we do however take what we want and keelhaul anybody who stands in our way!"

They all roared a mighty "Yarr."

"Good, for now you are all dismissed, you are free to roam the ship but don't go ashore without my leave. Talk to Tony for information about your respective quarters, Tony being the black Gryphon that you often find gambling down in the mess hall." i finished.

Ten minutes later i was splashing water on my face in the bathroom in my personal quarters, as i removed the towel from my face and looked at my reflection in the mirror for the first time since i got here i was slightly shocked.

"The bloody...?" i checked my eyes, the left one was the regular violet i had been born with but the other one was a limey green. "Well, that is odd." i said as i moved on to look at my altered face.

"Hmm... eyes somewhat bigger, nose only slightly pointier, chin is a bit thinner, i guess it's not that bad for a cartoon/anime."

My hair had stayed the same way it was back on earth. I had a fauxhawk, which is much like a Mohawk except much shorter on the top, unshaven sides and the spikes pointing at a forward angle instead of straight up. It would be hard to notice since i always wore that fedora i had gotten, it suited me just fine.

"Well fuck, i had hoped to get a bit longer hair, but it is common knowledge that anime characters hair never grow except as a minor plot detail when they notice that they need to cut their hair." i ran my hand through my hair several times and the hairstyle didn't change even slightly.

"I really need to stop talking to myself, yes you do Artemis... yes you do." with that i went to bed for a nap. I jumped in the bed, closed my eyes and as usual didn't drift into sleep.

'That dream i had when i got knocked out was strange, i sure hope i don't get within blasting range of any more exploding ships.' i thought to myself as i got comfortable.