Chapters Note to self, don’t touch anything shiny. It’s most likely a trap that’ll bring down the hammer of justice and pain upon my head. I rubbed the top of my head and moaned in pain, glancing at Sparkle from the corner of my eye. “Did you have to hit me cause I picked up a coin?”
“Yes.” She flipped to the next page of her book, and cast me a sidelong glance. “Now I have to ask you, but would you like to come and see the Harvest Parade tomorrow?” She shrugged halfheartedly. “You don’t have to, but it would be best if you wish to let the town know you’re not a monster.”
Placing a hand over my heart I mock gasped. “Why I never~” I smiled a little and did a hand flourish. “What is a monster? A miserable pile of evil, but enough talk!” I stood up, and pointed at her. “Have at you!~”
She looked at me with slight annoyance. “Profion. Please be serious about this. We need to convince the others that you’re a good guy.” Placing the book down she stood up. “I suggest getting out of the house for today, and tomorrow we’ll go to the parade.”
I blinked. “You didn’t really give me much of a choice there, so no. I’m gonna stay here.”
“Profion you need to meet others. Go make some friends.”
“Look. Sparkle. I do not want to go out.” I looked around nervously. Don’t think about it it’ll get worse.
“Profion.” She didn’t sound as lenient. “You are going to go out, and you are going to meet some ponies. Then tomorrow we’re going to the parade.”
“I am not going out Twilight, and that’s final.” Please just give up.
Her response was to give me an unamused glare, and light up her horn.
The ponies of Ponyville watched as a black and purple speck flew through the air toward a lake. The speck seemed to scream as a careened towards it’s location. Those watching simply shrugged, and went on their way.
[Muffled rap music playing in the distance]
Oh god my everything.
I groaned, and pried myself out of a wall as smoke rose off my chest. I groaned in pain as my legs hit the grass. How far did Sparkle blast me? I looked around noticed that I was apparently blasted into a windmill. Near a lake. Oh god...
Allow me to take a moment as to explain why I reacted the way I did. I... I’m not a social person. This of course led to some conflicts between my friend when I chose not to go out with them just to hang out. But the reason I would keep saying no I because I happen to suffer from Agoraphobia, the fear of crowds and open spaces.
Have you ever suffered a panic attack in a Target? I have. It’s not fun.
I fell to my knees and winced as the pain reached my mind. "Oh lord how hard did she hit me?"
"Are you alright there lad?" I looked up at a white stallion wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Ponies have Hawaiian shirts? "You look like you had a hard landing there." He reached under my arm. "Let's help you up...."
I stood up, and nodded weakly. "Thank you sir."
He shook his head. "Please, call me Magnum. Sir just makes me feel old you know?"
I nodded. “Yeah... Ow.” I grabbed my head and pulled away as it hit something...wet. Oh god I’m bleeding. I pulled my hand away. “Do you have any bandages?”
He looked at the blood and nodded. “Of course! Follow me.” He walked off towards a small house, and I followed. Applying pressure to the wound. He opened the front door, and motioned for me to enter. Nodding I ducked a little entering the house. He walked towards what I think is a bathroom, and called out. “Honey, where are the bandages!?”
A females voice called out from above. “Third drawer from the bottom on the left!”
After a few seconds he came back out with some gauze. “Here... You want me to apply it?”
I shook my head wincing at the stinging. “Nah. I’ll be fine.” I grabbed it from him, and gave a nod of thanks. Unwrapping the roll I pressed it against the wound, wincing at the touch, and began wrapping it around my head. I pulled my hands away, and pouted as the bandages fell off. “Oh for the love of....”
They became enveloped in a light blue glow, and began wrapping around my head. “Here. I got it.” He wrapped it around my head with almost expert precision. “And... There.” He stepped back a bit. “You should be good.”
I lifted my hand up and brushed across the bandage. “Thank you... How did you..?”
“I’m a football coach.” He waved to his flank, and showed me three footballs. “I’ve seen a lot of head injuries over the years, and many were worse than that.”
“Oh... Well... Thank you.” I held out a hand. “I’m Aleister by the way...”
He shook it with his hoof. “Nice to meet you.” He peered over my shoulder. “What’s that on your back?”
I reached my hand over my shoulder, and felt something comforting. “My backpack!” I took it off, and began digging through it. “Let’s see... History, and math textbooks; a few pencils; my binder full of papers; my electronic fundamentals 1 notebook, and two Java Monsters.”
“That’s... Interesting.” A crash echoed through the house, and he shook his head while I put the backpack on. “Sweetie! What did I say about running in the house!?
A faint ‘Sorry dad!’ was heard before three ponies came down the stairs. A small white unicorn, an orange pegasus, and a yellowish normal one. The white one spoke. “Sorry dad, we were just on our way to do something.” So this is Sweetie....
The orange one nodded. “It’s for the Harvest Parade!”
The yellowish one nodded in agreement. “Yeah. An’ Scootaloo here had a genius idea for it.”
Scootaloo shrugged. “It’s nothing big Applebloom.”
Magnum shook his head. “Well then don’t get yourselves into trouble, and try not to get covered in tree sap again.”
Sweetie blushed. “That was one time!”
“Well that “One time” nearly gave your sister a heart attack.” He looked at me, and motioned to the three. “Meet my daughter and her friends Al. Sweetie, this is Al. He somehow hit the windmill outside.”
“I got blasted by Sparkle.” I nodded at the three, now dumbstruck, ponies. Silently wondering why he called me 'Al.' “And hello to all of you.”
Sweetie walked over slowly, and poked me in the leg. “Coooool.”
Magnum shook his head yet again. “He’s injured, so don’t poke him too hard.” He looked at me. “Do you think you could watch them, and make sure they don’t hurt themselves?”
I blinked a little. “As long as they,” I waved my hand over the three, who were poking my legs. “don’t have a problem with it.”
Scootaloo looked up at me. “Can you build a float?” I nodded. “Then we have no problem.” They grabbed my pant legs and began pulling me along. “We have a mission to complete!”
I waved feebly back at Magnum. “See you later...”
We headed towards the town, and I could see a large crowd of ponies standing near the town center. I felt myself grow afraid as we got closer.
The day is going to be hell.
You want to know something? I love the rain.... It sounds incredibly relaxing, it counts as a shower along with a way of watering plants. Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Aleister your average red haired, green eyed, six foot one inch sixteen year old teen. Well... As average as you can get with a slightly insane man who was isolated from other people his age until the seventh grade, and who was teased mercilessly, but enough of the depressing dribble. I was currently walking home in Oregon during one of it’s many rainy days, without a coat.
Now... as I said I love the rain, but it’s more like a love/hate relationship. One example as to why is that I had to cut through a patch of rocks.... Wet rocks. I yelped as I nearly slipped on the fucking things, I sighed in relief before slipping and landing on my ass. “Owww....” I grumbled and began picking myself up before noticing a rather... strange rock in the mud. It looked at least a foot long and was curved like a sabre, I picked it up and wiped off some of the mud revealing a bright red coloration.
As I held it in my hands I could feel a numbness slowly spread up my arm before, and I shit you not, black fucking lightning arced from the fucking thing. I, being the insane bastard I am, did not let go of the potentially dangerous item and decided that the best course of action was to grin and play around with it. I grabbed it by the flat end and waved it a little, “I feel like a pirate right now... Avast me hearties!”
I waved it again and lurched back as an arc of that same black lightning hit the ground, causing a small crystal to appear. It slowly grew taller as two shadows slowly spread from it and caused more of the crystals to burst from the ground behind me. I panicked and began to run off before I slipped on another rock, causing me to cut my hand on another crystal. I flipped over and watched as the crystals that surrounded me began to cap off at the top.
Before I could do anything I felt something akin to bands of ice wrap around my limbs and pull me into the fucking ground, plunging me into darkness. Now... I’m not going to lie, I screamed like a bitch. Before long a faint purple light started growing in intensity before I saw something I’ll remember for the rest of my life. All around me were crystals of various sizes, colors, and shapes. Some of them were dark purple while others were sickly green, I walked over and poked one in the side causing a tone to travel throughout the area.
As I marveled at The Nome King’s wet dream a dark and rather raspy voice echoed around me. “Good... You’ve come... at last. ” What the fuck? That sounded like Emperor Palpatine and Sauron mixed together. The crystals in front of me split open and revealed a hallway that led down a really long flight of stairs. “Come.... I am waiting. ” Why did it have to be stairs...?
I sighed and walked through the archway, climbed down the stairs, and after a couple minutes of walking a reached a massive throne room that appeared to be made of crystals. On the other end of the room in the throne was a light grey unicorn in armor with green and red eyes with purple smoke trailing from them.... WHAT!?!?!?! The horn was curved and bright red, small amounts of black lightning arcing across it. I looked down at the rock in my hand and quickly deduced it was that guys horn... Wow.
He looked at me and nodded, “A pleasure.... Young one. ”
I raised an eyebrow and nodded curtly, might as well be nice. “I would say the same, but my method of getting here was.... Rather forced.”
He sighed, “I apologize... I did not mean... To harm you. ”
I looked at my cut hand and pressed it against my shirt, “It’s fine. Just... Who are you?”
He chuckled darkly and looked at me, “I am... Sombra... The former... King of crystals... And darkness. ”
“I don’t mean to be rude,” I raised a hand and pointed at him, “But what’s with the pauses?”
He sighed and stood up, “I am... Dying... My time... Has come. ”
“Woahwoahwoah, what!?” I made a few hand gestures, “You’re dying!?”
He chuckled again and walked towards me, “Yes... I was... Destroyed... I have... Little time... So I must act... ” He stopped in front of me. “I must... Choose an heir... Somepony to... take my mantle.... ”
I looked at him, “Two things... First off; ‘Somepony’ Really? And second; Why the hell did you pick me?”
He looked up at me and shook his head, “The horn... Was ripped... From me... The choice... Was random... You were... The one... Who found... It first. ” He took the horn from my grasp and focused a bit of dark purple energy into it, causing a flash of light to blind me. When my vision came back he was panting, and the horn was in my hands again. “I... Have done... It... You are... The new... King. ”
I looked at him with a shocked expression on my face, “I’m a king?” I chuckled for a couple seconds before laughing maniacally. “OH FUCK YES!”
He looked at me tiredly, “There are... Things you... Must know... The world you came from... Will be lost to you... And the one you wake up in... Will be my own... ”
I stopped and looked at him, “Pardon...”
“You will... Be in my world... ”
I looked at him before frowning, “Oh... Fuck.” I paused a second before shrugging. “I’ll worry about that later.”
He grunted as he began walking back to his throne, “The second thing... Is that you... Now hold a fraction... Of my power... To use as you wish. ” He sat back down in the throne and looked at me. “It will grow... The more you use it... And you... Can do... Amazing things. ” He hissed in pain, “Let them know... That the king of darkness... Has returned... ” He grunted again and slowly closed his eyes before fading into shadow.
As the last wisp of him disappeared the throne room began to crumble and shake violently. I looked around and screamed as the ground beneath me split open, swallowing me whole, and causing me to fade into darkness.
Dark Practices (Minor edits)
My eyes burst open and I yelped as I accidentally stared at the sun. I yelped and turned onto my stomach before pushing myself up into the sitting position. I looked around and saw a flat rock plain with a forest a little while away. I sighed and stood up before feeling something jab me in the back of the leg. Reaching down I paused at the sight of Sombra's horn sticking out of a scabbard. Pulling it out reveled that a blade made of some black crystal grew from it.... Cooool.
I paused and thought about what I could do revolving my new superpowers. “Lets see... Darkness and crystals.... Well, darkness can be related to gravity and absence of all things. He’s a unicorn so magic is an option along with teleportation... I could absorb attacks with ether the crystals or darkness.” I slowly grinned, “Ice counts as a crystal and using the crystals I can control vibrations and electricity, granted I use the power correctly.” As I finished speaking my grin was nearly splitting my face. “Ohohohoho This is going to be fun....”
I sighed and stared walking towards the forest when a loud clang echoed around me. I stopped and looked down at my feet, only to discover that I was covered in a silver armor. I... I have nothing.... I’M WEARING SILVER. FUCKING. ARMOR!!!!! Turning my head I saw a red velvet cloak hanging from my shoulders. I slowly moved a hand up to my forehead and paused when I felt a band of metal. Removing it showed a silver crown with red, purple, and black crystals imbued in it. I slowly put it back on my head and sighed, I’m... I look like a king.... FUCK YES!
I started moving towards the forest again with a spring in my step, this is the greatest day of my life! I’m not only a king in badass armor, but I’m also the controler of darkness and crystals! I stopped and looked down at the sword in my hand, I could control darkness and crystals....
I held up the sword and pointed it at my shadow mentally “Pushing” myself through it. My shadow seemed to warp a little before a small ball of darkness the size of a quarter separated itself from the ground and floated up to my eye level. I stared at it for a few seconds before a spike of pain went through my head, causing the ball to return to my shadow. I shook my head and grinned, “That... That was cooool~.” I groaned a bit and rubbed my head, “Hurt like hell though.”
You know what... I’m just gonna practice! I’ll head through the forest later! I took the sword and pointed it back at the shadow, thinking of the small ball. My shadow twisted again and the ball appeared in front of me. As I kept it there I began to feel tired, it was minor at first but after a minute I felt like I was running a marathon. I lowered the sword as the ball returned to my shadow once again.
As I stood there grinning like an idiot I heard a bunch of female voices coming from the forest behind me. Listening in I could hear what they were saying, and they kept repeating the word fun over and over again. I stuffed to back into the scabbard and began walking through the overgrowth as the voices got a louder. And after passing through a bunch of thorns I was staring at the weirdest sight I’ve ever seen.
There were a few dozen pink ponies bouncing around saying “Fun” over and over again. As soon as I got through the thorns they all stopped and looked at me. I simply stared for a few minutes before one of them jumped up and gasped, “AHHH! A MONSTER! RUN!” They screamed and ran off into the forest as I sighed and facepalmed.
“God damn it all...” I shook my head and followed them... What? If they ran off somewhere it’s obviously towards a town.
After following the screams I had made found myself outside of what appeared to be a town plucked from medieval Europe. Now... I’m not making this up, but the pink pony army had equipped themselves with different kitchen utensils. Kitchen. Utensils. One with a pot on it’s head stood on it’s hind legs and pointed a spoon at me, “Charge!!” They all screamed out a battle cry and ran towards me.
As they got closer I held my hands out in front of me and wished I could disappear. The shadows around me seemed to converge on me, making it feel as if I had plunged into a pool of ice. I seemed to fade into the ground like a guy with noclip in Skyrim surrounding me in pure darkness. I suddenly seemed to fall up from a floor inside what appeared to be an underground basement with roots on the walls. Before I could ponder what was going on I felt a massive spike of pain go through my head, followed by nausea and even more fatigue than before.
I fell on my face and dozed off into the darkness.
My wake up call was... less than enjoyable. Considering the fact it involved a chick screaming, me getting picked up by tingley shit, and pinned to a wall, I have a good reason to be cranky. A purple unicorn was standing in front of me with her horn glowing brightly. It was looking at me curiously, “What kind of animal are you...?” Huh... It’s a girl... OKAY THEN!
I glared at her, “Oi! Let. Go. Now.”
She gasped and nearly dropped me, damn it. So close... “You can talk!?”
I increased the power of the glare, causing me to see purple on the edges of my eyes. “Yes.” I hissed, “Now put. Me. Down.”
She backed up a bit before her eyes widened, “Sombra!?”
I shook my head, “He died, I am the new king now.”
She grimaced, “He’s... Dead?”
I nodded, “Yes. Minutes beforehand he passed his title onto me.”
She looked at me for a couple seconds before setting me down, “Okay... SPIKE!”
A small purple fire gecko ran down some stairs and skid to a halt, “AH! IT’S SOMBRA!”
He turned around to run before he was encompassed in a purple glow. He flew over to the purple unicorn, who spoke up. “Spike... This is... Um, who are you?”
I sighed and straightened up, “I am...” SHITSHITSHIT! I NEED A FAKE NAME!... What? I don’t like giving out my real name. Oh. My. God. I know what to say, “King Profion.” Tell me she buys it....
She nodded in thanks, “This is King Profion, I need you to send a letter to the princess. She needs to know about him.” He nodded and pulled out a piece of parchment and the unicorn started writing down a letter.... Where the hell did he even get that? She did a little flourish and rolled it up, “Send it Spike.”
He grabbed it and blew a stream of fire on the....
“WHAT!?” I pulled my hair, “That doesn’t make any sense! Light something on fire to get it sent off to a princess an-” I was interrupted when he burped more fire, which turned into a scroll.... “That’s it, I’m done.”
He grabbed it and started reading, “My dearest Twilight, what you have told me is rather troubling. But if what you say is true then we can use this as an opportunity, I want you and your friends to help keep King Profion under control.” He looked up at me, “So... You’re gonna stay with us?”
I sighed and nodded, “Looks like it...”
You know... This is the strangest day I’ve ever had.
So me and the little unicorn (Whose name I learned is Twilight Sparkle) were currently sitting in the middle of her library drinking tea. She had sent Spike out a couple minutes ago to get the rest of her friends, that way I could introduce myself.... Also to keep me from getting attacked by the one she calls Rainbow.... Yeah....
So I was sitting there reading a book on history an- What the hell am I doing? I am sitting here, with a unicorn, drinking tea! I’m not a five year old girl damn it!!! Luckily, I had an escape plan....
I looked at Twilight, “Could you get some more sugar? I like sweet tea....”
She nodded, “Sure.” she stood up and walked into the kitchen. Now’s my chance!
I quickly stood up and quietly sneaked towards the door, and the sneak check says!
“What th- STOP!” Fuck! Crit 1! I threw caution in the wind and crashed through the door. Well... I think I just subconsciously passed through the door again, causing a severe headache.... What!? It hurt more last time! I heard a slam against the door and turning around I saw that the door was covered in dark crystals.... Cooooooooooool. I had no time to think on my mystical rock candy powers though! For I was escaping the town, and luckily for me in was nighttime so no one was awake.
I turned tail and started running down the street, passing a bunch of houses and a couple statues depicting various ponies an- Wait.... Why am I holding a book? I stopped near the edge of town and looked at it for a few seconds.... I stole a book from her.... Lol! I sighed and began walking out of the town whistling a tune to myself, but then... Well... The sky went all wonky.
The motherfucking stars just vanished and the moon shifted to the left a couple inches as a comet burned across the sky and hit an area in the forest, causing a giant shockwave to knock me over. By the time my ears had stopped ringing I saw some smoke coming up from the impact site.... FUCK IT LET’S EXPLORE!
I quickly realized that the impact would draw the entire towns attention... Sure enough I heard a few ponies walk out of their homes and look around. Looks like it’s time to make like a tree! I began my leisurely run through the forest, sometimes looking up to see where I was going. All was going well until I ran into the fucking wonkiest of the wonky! I bumped into a manticore. A motherfucking, manticore.... I think I nearly shit myself.
It growled a little and stood up, easily towering over me. It looked down at me and roared loudly, causing my ears to start ringing. I looked at him in fear, “Heh... Good kitty?” Hold on... It’s a cat! I could tame it.... I held out a hand.
I stopped and sniffed it a couple of times before it started purring and rubbing my hand. I stared at it in astonishment before scratching behind it’s ear, causing it to sound like a motorboat... I’M THE CATMAN! I kept petting it and scratching it for a couple minutes before frowning a bit, “Look... I have to go now...” It looked at me and, I swear to god, it frowned. I smiled a bit, “If you want you can come with me... Up to you though.” I purred and stood up next to me, it tilted its head in a “Go ahead” sign.
I nodded and started walking towards the smoke with the manticore trailing next to me, I don’t believe it.... I have a manticore as a pet... Well, more like a companion. I simply kept walking towards the smoke when I came across problem number one, a cliff. I stared down the ledge before getting an idea.... If I can turn into shadows now, how hard would it be to move down there? I was thankfully reminded of my headache.
I looked at the manticore, “Know a way down there?” It, and I shit you not, nodded it jumped off the edge landing on a ledge a couple feet down before hopping to another one. I smiled, “Good job. Wait! I'll call you Maximilian.” I slowly lowered myself down, carefully maneuvering myself down the path of ledges. “Don’t fall and you’ll be fine... Don’t fall don’t fall don’t fal-” I screamed as the ledge I was on broke off and I began falling. Fuck you Murphy! I’m gonna die! Oh god I’m dead! I’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdeadI’mdead!
The ground at least fifty feet below me rumbled as pillars of some dark crystal formed themselves into stairs. Only problem is that it was stairs, and it was highly uneven. I screamed in pain a few times as I bounced down them painfully, very, VERY painfully. I think I heard a couple snaps, and to top it off the fatigue came back again! Full fucking force to!
I groaned in pain and annoyance as I passed out once again.
My face felt wet for some reason... and sticky.... My eyes open and I jumped up, “I WILL NOT BE CALLED THE SCHOOL WHORE!” I looked around and realized that the manticore was backed away a little. Oh... It licked my face until I woke up.... I walked over calmly and petted it, “Good boy.” I groaned again as I spike of pain went through my left arm, looking at it I deduced why. It was bent ninety fucking degrees.... OH FUCK IT’S BENT NINETY DEGREES!!!!
I gulped and looked at for a few seconds before sighing. I have to do this or it’ll get worse.... I put a part of my cloak into my mouth and took a deep breath before wrenching my arm back into place.... OW! OH JESUS WHHHHHHY!!!! I screamed into the cloak and tearfully held my arm. After I had calmed down I managed to grab a couple sticks and put them on both sides of my arm before taking off and wrapping my cloak over my shoulder and using it as a sling, a crappy one yes but a sling nonetheless.
I walked back to the manticore and picked up my book. “C-come on Maximilian... Just a broken arm! Haha... Ha....” I sighed and started moving towards the last wisps of smoke, slowly. By the time I had reached the smoke I was greeted to a giant crater... Jesus Christ.... Looking down the crater I could see a person in a black hooded jacket, and a pair of baggy black jeans lie down on a bag... Huh.... A person. Finally!
I looked at the manticore, “Stay here, I’ll be back.” It nodded and sat down while I began my slow... Slow climb to meet this new person.
New Arrival AKA I'm Not Alone
By the time I had reached the bottom of the crater without breaking any more bones I waved a little with my good hand. “Um, Hello?”
She stared at me for a second before waving her right arm.... Why not speak? Eh... I don’t mind, it works.
I nodded a bit and waved back, “You the meteor? I must say, rather impressive display.”
She seemed shocked a bit before nodding once and just stared at me.... Um.... I guess it’s my turn to speak.
I put my right hand to my chest, “Name’s Aleister.... I’m guessing you got an artifact too?” I shrugged to myself. “What am I saying... You’d had to have found one.”
She nodded and pulled out a black truckers hat from the bag before stuffing it back in with her hands crossed on her lap... Wow.... Um... Wait, she was lying down.... shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit.
I smiled sheepishly, “Um... Fuck I interrupted your sleep... Damn it, sorry.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, waving her hand nonchalantly.... My diagnoses is that she’s upset. No need to be upset, there is.
I looked back to the forest, “I would suggest not falling asleep yet. Your landing caused a shockwave which woke up the town I just masterfully escaped from... No doubt drawing their attention.”
She just shrugged haphazardly.... Okay.
I sighed, “Well then before I start running again I have to say it’s nice to meet you.”
She nodded and went to lay down before I heard voices coming from the forest, oh god no. I turned to the forest, “Oh pissing blimey, they’ve found me!”
Twilight, and four others I didn’t know of, walked down the crater wall and glared at me, “YOU!”
I held up my hands, “Look, I didn’t mean to take the book an-” I got picked up in her glowly magic and hovered over to her.
“Look at you! I don’t understand why you even ran, and now you have a broken arm!”
I rolled my eyes, “I didn’t run... I simply escaped the dungeon and got a level up.”
A pink pony popped up from behind her and looked at me. “Yeah! I didn’t even get to throw you a ‘Welcome-to-Ponyville’ Party!” Wait.... That isn’t.... IT IS!
I pointed at her and did an epic shocked face, “YOOOOOOU! You and your army of clones charged at me with kitchen supplies!”
She blinked and grinned sheepishly. “Oh, Sorry about that. I couldn’t really do anything about them and then Twilight and the girls rounded them all up and there was a wall covered in paint and then Twilight started going all ZAPPITY ZAP and all of the clones started floating like balloons and then-” An orange pony stuffed a hoof in her mouth as she kept on talking. THANK YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE! When she finished, she flashed me this ridiculously large grin that seemed to practically split her face.
A light sky blue pegasus with a rainbow mane hovered over them and looked down at the pink mare. “Pinkie... we got bigger issues right now.”
I looked at them, “Would you mind putting me down? I have a manticore I need to go and tell I’m fine.”
Twilight looked at me with... Shock? Huh, taming a manticore is a big thing apparently. “What!? But how did you convince it to keep from attacking you!?”
I shrugged, “Just petted it and scratched behind it’s ear.” I grinned a little. “Just a cat after all.”
A butter yellow pony peeked around from behind the white unicorn that was there and looked at me. “Really? You must be really good with animals.” She eeped shortly after and hid behind her mane. “Oh.. um...”
I raised an eyebrow, “I did work at a vet...” I shook my head. “Anyways! Put me down?” The orange mare nudged Twilight and she quickly set me down. I nodded and started walking away to where I left him, “Thank you!”
A lasso wrapped around my torso and started to drag me back to the ponies, much to my pain.... “Now hold on there, we still got some questions for ya.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, lets see if I can do this trick again.... THERE’S THE FEELING OF ICE AGAIN! I phased through the rope into a standing position, this time with a minor headache! I turned and looked at them, “Please don't do that.”
The blue mare looked at me in shock and let her jaw fall. “Woah.”
I bowed a little and turned on my heel before looking over my shoulder at Applejack. “My arm is broken you know... That hurt.... Not like me snapping my arm into place.”
She went wide eyed and her ears fell back. “What?” She shrank back and looked up at me. “Ah am so sorry.... Ah didn’t know.”
I shrugged and winced, “It’ll be fine. Hmm... MAXIMILIAN!” I walked over to the side as Max came running from the trees. He stopped in front of me and I petted him, “Good boy.”
Pinkie smiled and looked over to the yellow pony. “Hey Fluttershy, isn’t that the same manicore from when we beat Nightmare Moon?” Fluttershy trotted up to the Max and he licked her across the face, causing a big cowlick in her mane.
I stared and made an oh sound, “Oh crap!” I turned and pointed to the mystery girl and waved a hand. “I just remembered we’ve been ignoring you!”
Fluttershy looked over and squeaked in fear before bolting behind me. “Oh... um..... h-hello.....”
She waved dismissively and stood up. She reached into her bag and pulled out a notebook before writing something down. She walked over to the ponies and showed them the notebook and Twilight blinked in confusion. “Well.... a couple years ago, she tried to cause eternal night across Equestria.”
She frowned more and hastily wrote down another note. “Oh.... well me and my friends had to stop her because, well, eternal night would have doomed everything. Anyways, we found these artifacts called the Elements of Harmony and used them on her. When the spell faded Nightmare Moon was gone and Princess Luna was free.”
Pinkie spoke up. “She was a meany, mean pants the whole time!”
She wrote more onto the notebook and the rainbow one leaned down. “‘After everything I’ve learned’? The hay do you mean by that?”
Applejack looked up at her. “Rainbow would you get your head out of the way? I’m tryin’ ta read here!” She shoved Rainbow’s head out of the way and looked at the notebook. “Er.... Ah’m with Rainbow on that one.”
They all were looking at each other and mainly started to look at Twilight. She looked at the notebook and seemed confused. “Well.... alright. But I think we should at least contact the princesses.” The others nodded and Twilight turned back to me. “Could you and-” She stopped and facehoofed before turning back to the mystery girl.... Five bucks says that she’s really fucking upset. “Oh, this is embarrassing, I forgot to ask what your name was.”
The girl quickly wrote down something and showed it to me... Joshua.... Cool name. Twilight looked a little shocked. “It’s... um... nice to meet you?”
Rainbow started to hover right in Joshua’s face. “Wait, your friend? You’re saying that Nightmare Moon was your friend!?”
Joshua angrily wrote down her response, she does that a lot... Eh, maybe a way of venting. And showed it to Rainbow. She scowled at the paper before looking at Joshua. “Alright, but I’m watching you, so you better not try anything funny.”
She wrote down more and showed it to Rainbow who looked confused. “Wait.... near death? Nightmare Moon almost kicked our flanks!”
Joshua wrote down another note and Rainbow flew back a foot. “WHAT!?” I hopped back a little, damn that was loud.
Twilight looked up at her, “What is it?” Rainbow grabbed the notebook and showed it to Twilight who visibly paled. “Y-you have N-Nightmare Moon’s power?”
Nightmare Moon? Snhk.... That’s kinda funny. I shook my head and turned to Maximilian, “I believe we should get ready to leave soon.... I’m bored now.” I turned to Joshua and raised an eyebrow, “You gonna come with, or are you going to go out on your own?”
She gave me a deadpan glare before pulling out her notebook and writing down and showing me, ‘I actually wish to meet the two Princesses, if possible. There is something important that needs to be discussed with them, about Nightmare. ’
I nodded, “Well good thing that Ms. Sparkle happens to have a direct link to her.”
She nodded and wrote down, ‘Alright. And for the record, I am putting this away until we can speak to them, so I will not respond if anyone tries to speak with me. ’ She showed it to the ponies and put it away.
I turned to Maximilian and raised an eyebrow, “Can you carry one of us there?” he nodded and lowered his head so someone could climb on. I looked at Joshua and motioned to Max, “Here. I can try and finish the stairs I made.”
She looked at me deadpan and didn’t move at all.
I sighed, “Alright then, we’ll walk.” I turned to Max. “Come on get up. We’re walking.” He stood up as I began walking towards the exit, Max following me. “Shall we?” Let's have some fun!
A Song Not Meant to be Sung
We kept walking for a while until we reached the cliff again. I raised my head and looked at the stairs that were popping out of the ground. “Stairs.... We meet again.”
Rainbow looked at me, “You made these?”
I nodded a bit, “I slipped on one of ledges. So I could have fallen at least fifty feet if they didn’t pop up.” I grinned. “Got out with a broken arm instead of death.” I sighed and looked at them, “Let’s see....” I reached my right hand down to the scabbard and pulled out the sword, angling it with the stairs. I closed my eyes and began focusing on finishing the stairs and having them reach the top. I heard creaks and groans come from them as my strength began to leave me. By the time it had stopped I fell to my knees and panted heavily, “Instant.... Stairs.”
Rainbow whistled, “Coooool!”
I stood up and sheathed the sword. “Yeah... Tiring though.”
Twilight walked up and raised an eyebrow, “That’s actually kinda strange.... Sombra had stairs all over the crystal empire, and now you just caused some to pop out of the ground.”
I shrugged, “What... It’s a good exercise anyways.” I started up the stairs, Max waiting until everyone else went. As we were climbing Joshua pulled out an Ipod and hooked it up to a small speaker. She looked at me for a second.
I nodded, “It’s fine. Just keep it down.”
She grinned and scrolled through a couple before playing a song.
“Aww look at daddy's baby girl
That's daddy’s baby”
Oh. My. God.... This song.
“Little sleepy head
Yesterday I changed your diaper
Wiped you and powdered you.
How did you get so big?
Can't believe it now your two
Baby you're so precious
Daddy's so proud of you
Sit down bitch
If you move again I'll beat the shit out of you”
I nearly burst out laughing as all of the ponies cried out a shock ‘What!?’
“(Okay)
Don't make me wake this baby
She don't need to see what I'm about to do
Quit crying bitch, why do you always make me shout at you?
How could you?
Just leave me and love him out the blue
Oh, what's a matter Kim?
Am I too loud for you?
Too bad bitch, your gonna finally hear me out this time
At first, I'm like alright
You wanna throw me out? That's fine!
But not for him to take my place, are you out you're mind?
This couch, this TV, this whole house is mine!
How could you let him sleep in our bed?
Look at Kim
Look at your husband now!
(No!)
I said look at him!
He ain't so hot now is he?
Little punk!
(Why are you doing this?)
Shut the fuck up!
(You're drunk! You're never going to get away at this!)
You think I give a fuck!
Come on we're going for a ride bitch
(No!)
Sit up front
(Well I can't just leave Hailie alone, what if she wakes up?)
We'll be right back
Well I will you'll be in the trunk”
I was full on laughing as the ponies looked at Joshua with shock and fear. I think that Fluttershy was literally crying.
“So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you
So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you”
I think Fluttershy had fainted at this point, and Twilight was holding her in her magic.
“You really fucked me Kim
You really did a number on me
Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me
But we was kids then Kim, I was only 18
That was years ago
I thought we wiped the slate clean
That's fucked up!
(I love you!)
Oh God my brain is racing
(I love you!)
What are you doing?
Change the station I hate this song!
Does this look like a big joke?
(No!)
There's a four year old boy lyin' dead with a slit throat
In your living room, ha-ha
What you think I'm kiddin' you?
You loved him didn't you?
(No!)
Bullshit you bitch don't fucking lie to me
What the fuck's this guy's problem on the side of me?
Fuck you asshole, yeah bite me
Kim, KIM!
Why don't you like me?
You think I'm ugly don't you
(It's not that!)
No you think I'm ugly
(Baby)
Get the fuck away from me, don't touch me
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
How the fuck could you do this to me?
(Sorry!)
How the fuck could you do this to me?”
And Pinkie’s hair deflated.... Huh.... Kinda sad.
“So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you
So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you”
Now that I think about it, this is really fucking mean. So far the ponies seemed to be a relatively peaceful race, and now we have them listening to a very... Very graphic song.
“Come on get out
(I can't I'm scared)
I said get out bitch!
(Let go of my hair, please don't do this baby)
(Please I love you, look we can just take Hailie and leave)
Fuck you, you did this to us
You did it, it's your fault
Oh my God I'm crackin' up
Get a grip Marshall
Hey remember the time we went to Brian's party?
And you were like so drunk that you threw up all over Archie
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
See it all makes sense, doesn't it?
You and your husband have a fight
One of you tries to grab a knife
And during the struggle he accidentally gets his Adam's apple sliced
(No!)
And while this is goin' on
His son just woke up and he just walks in
She panics and he gets his throat cut
(Oh my God!)
So now they both dead and you slash your own throat
So now it's double homicide and suicide with no note
I should have known better when you started to act weird
We could've...HEY! Where you going? Get back here!
You can't run from me Kim
It's just us, nobody else!
You're only making this harder on yourself
Ha! Ha! Got'cha!
(Ahh!)
Ha! Go ahead yell!
Here I'll scream with you!
AH SOMEBODY HELP!
Don't you get it bitch, no one can hear you?
Now shut the fuck up and get what's comin to you
You were supposed to love me
{*Kim choking*}
NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED!
BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!”
Rainbow flew off and puked... Huh. Didn’t know they could puke. And Applejack... Applejack looked pissed.
“So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you
So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you.”
I sighed as the song ended and looked at Joshua, “Not that it’s a bad song or anything, but you could have picked something better.”
View Online
The Ponciest Ponce That Ever Ponced Past a Poncing Parlour
Joshua raised an eyebrow and brought the Ipod up, ready to change the song.
I shook my head, “I would wait until the ponies got over that first.” I looked at Applejack. “And calm down... It’s not real.”
She grumbled as we continued walking back. By the time we reached the edge of the forest the sun was rising and the ponies had regained their pose and were walking as far away from Joshua as they could. I decided to be nice and walk near her...
I swept a hand out with a grin, “Welcome, to the town.”
Twilight looked at me, “It’s called Ponyville.”
I held back a laugh, “That... That sounds rather stupid.”
She sighed as we walked towards the town, whose every resident was waking up.... Well, this is going to be fun. They stared at us as we passed them, I swear that they looked really afraid of us. Eh, fuck them to!
We reached the library and I saw that the black crystals that were surrounding the door were on the ground. Twilight opened it and looked around, “Spike!”
The little dragon ran down the stairs, “Yes?”
“I need you to send a message to Celestia.” She pulled out a scroll and handed it to him.... When’d she write that? He grabbed it and sent it off in his strange green fire.
I sighed and winced as my arm began to hurt, “Hey Twilight? Can I get some aspirin or something, my arm is beginning to act up again.”
It was at that moment, a knock on the door was heard, “Candygram!” Jesus Christ that sounded like Batman mixed with Old Man Witherstine.
Twilight trotted... That sounds retarded in my mind, over to the door and opened it before groaning, “Another one!”
“Nah, just observing mooks.” And in walked a man as tall as me with black hair, goatee, black jacket and shirt, he also had grey eyes, and jeans walked in and saw me. He smirked, “What do you know, there’s one now.”
I raised an eyebrow and walked over to a chair, “Eh.”
He turned Joshua, “You alright? Didn’t overwork yourself, did you?”
I pulled out the book and started reading the cover, “History of the Crystal Empire.... Huh.” I opened it and started reading.
“The Crystal Empire, an ancient empire said to predate the founding of Equestria. The Empire was ruled by a line of incredibly rare ‘Crystal unicorns’ who could wield magic long forgotten by pony kind and the Empire itself. The last king was a unicorn by the name of Quartz Crystal, who was renowned for his discovery of magic even greater then the Elements of Harmony. To read more about King Quartz Crystal, turn to page 428 ”
I was brought out of my reading when the guy spoke up, “PUCKER UP BOY! TIME TO MAKE YOU A MAN!”
I paled and reflexively turned into shadow and sunk into the basement. Evading the crazy man whore. However forgetting that the first floor’s floor was the basement’s ceiling. I groaned as I laid on the ground before shaking my head and reading again.
“King Quartz Crystal was the son of King Emerald Crystal. He was a well respected mage. He experimented with multiple types of magic and discovered The Crystal Recording spell, The Twisted Time spell, and his most famous discovery, The Crystal Heart. For more on the Crystal Heart turn to page 723. ”
I raised an eyebrow before turning the page. This guy sounds rather cool... I mean time twisting spell? Awesome!
“Crystal unicorns are a rare race that are in all essence a crystal pony with a horn, old studies show that they showed the same strength as an earth pony. There are also reports of crystal pegasi that contained the same strength, although the reports are rather rare considering there hasn’t been a crystal pegasus for eons. ”
So that’s how they classify the types... I mean I could tell what they were before hand but still, it’s nice to know precisely what they’re called.
I flipped to page 723....
“The Crystal Heart. Created from pure emotion, solidified into a heart shape by King Quartz Crystal. It was created out of the love for his daughter, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, an equally rare ‘Crystal Pegasus.’ During the creation of the Crystal Heart, King Quartz was overtaken by the evil unicorn King Sombra, who killed the king and banished the princess to a faraway land. To learn of King Sombra turn to page 973. ”
My eyes widened a bit as I traveled to page 973... Evil unicorn Sombra... What?
“King Sombra, also known as The Dark King, was the unicorn who overthrew the Crystal Empire and enslaved the entire population. His reign is covered in shadow, the only thing known for sure is that he was banished to the ice caps by Princess Celestia and Luna. ”
Well color me a Branston Pickle. Sombra was a regular jerk ass.... This does not bode well for my meeting with the two that imprisoned him.
After I had closed the book I heard some new footsteps overhead along with what sounded like new voices. I think royalty has arrived. I closed my eyes and focused on flying up through the floor, I felt the feeling of ice cover me before I felt myself pass through the floor and considering I’ve been doing that for a while I’m really fucking tired. Opening my eyes I saw a tall white pony with a multicolored mane who had both wings and a horn along with a dark blue pony with... Stars for a mane... Huh, this is gonna be really fucking fun!
“Hi, welcome back.” The guy that tried to molest me said from behind me.
I rolled my eyes, “Good to be back....” I noticed that my eyes had the purple on the edges again and that the area around me seemed darker... WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN!? I shook my head and caused the purple to disappear.
He chuckled and stuck his tongue out as he sat on a seat, “Nyeh.”
I looked at the white mare, “So.... I take it you’re the princess?”
She smiled politely and nodded. “Yes, I am Princess Celestia, and this is my sister Luna. I assume that you are King Profion?”
I grinned and chuckled a bit, “Yes... I am.” I sighed and groaned as my arm spiked in pain. “God damn it... I hate broken arms.”
The man behind me groaned, “Oh goddammit...”
I looked at him with a grin and raised my right hand, “Yatatatatata.”
He then glared at me, “Do it again and you’ll find a dead animal in your food...” he growled.
I grinned and raised my hand again, “Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta.” All of a sudden, a skeletal hand popped out of the floor boards and gripped my throat.
“You were saying...?” He growled.
I smiled uneasily and looked at my throat before shrugging.... Can’t rightly talk right now can I asshole? The hand shrunk back into the floor as he sighed tiredly.
“Dammit I should have tried something else...”
I grinned and rolled my eyes, “Try getting turned into shadows and creating seventy foot tall crystal stairs.”
“Fuck stairs.” He said simply.
I looked at him with a hurt expression, “My life was saved by stairs. All I got was a broken arm instead of, say, a broken neck!”
He shrugged, “ Ain't that a shame.” He said coldly. I DO SAY WATSON! HE’S A DICK!
I shook my head, “And I’m considered insane...?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, “I take it you have an artifact as well?”
I said nothing as I pulled out the sword and stabbed it into the ground, it was a fancy way of showing them the awesome design, but it caused my armor to fall off into wisps of darkness. Causing me to scream a little as my arm fell to my side via gravity. I looked down and blinked at my Skyrim shirt and blue denim jeans. “Oh hey my clothes. And oh shit my splint.”
The man sighed as his hand glowed green and my arm began to glow as well, “Hold still dumbass, I got this.” My arm began to shoot with pain, but it then faded away, causing the man to fall to his knees and was breathing heavily, “Fucking hell...”
I moved my arm a couple times before helping him up, “You fixed two broken bones in one go.... I think we need some fucking food.” I looked at him. “Thanks by the way.”
The man glared at me deadpan, “I expect some money later. I don’t work free ya’ know.” ... What. A. Dick.
I rolled my eyes, “I’ll try and get some money later.”
He nodded, “Good. About sixty of whatever currency these ponies run on will be fine. Until then, food sounds amazing right now...” He sighed.
I looked at Twilight, “Any food? I’ve been up for.... thirteen hours now and I’ve been using magic too much. So I really need a snack.”
She sighed at walked into the kitchen before returning with a few apples hovering in a purple glow.
The guy took the apple with a thank you, rubbed it on his jacket to clean it, and bit into it. I noticed Applejack staring at him, which he caught, “What?”
I grabbed an apple and bit into it, pausing at a very... strange taste. I looked at it and looked up blankly. “Is it just me, or does the apple have something on it?” I looked back down at the apple and frowned, “... I just ate something from the ground didn’t I?”
“Why do you think I just cleaned it on my jacket?” Mystery man raised an eyebrow as he bit into the apple again.
I looked back at the apple and shrugged, “Fuck it, it’s food.” Applejack was still looking at us like she was waiting for something. I leaned back a little creeped out, “Um... Why are you looking at us like that?”
“Ya just called my apples dirty.” She kept looking at me. Mystery man stared back at her.
“Okay, let me say this. You walk all day on your freaking hooves. Now, you touch everything with them. Be they apples, utensils, or food.” He then held up the apple he was eating, “Now tell me this. Do you even wash these when you get them in the basket?”
She narrowed her eyes. “No, We wash ‘em before we take them to the market, cook ‘em, or do anythin’ of the sort.”
I stared at her, “Did she wash them or her hooves before grabbing the apples?” I paused and looked at the floating apples before looking at my hands. “Nevermind... I think I got something on my hands in the forest.” Ewwwwww.
The door burst open and a white mare with a nurses cap on her head looked at Celestia and bowed. “Princess! I bring news!”
Celestia smiled softly, “Rise my little pony.”
The... Nurse looked at the other ponies, “A few minutes ago Rarity was brought into the hospital.” they gasped. “That’s not all.” She looked at Celestia, “She was brought in by the “Inheritor of The Smooze.””
Celestia froze in place and got serious real fast, “Listen to me. Are you sure that’s who brought her in?” the nurse nodded. “This is bad. Very bad. All of you, stay here. I can’t risk having you or anypony else get hurt by that.... Monster.” She closed her eyes and disappeared in a flash.
I raised my hand confusedly, “Um... What the hell just happened?”
Rainbow shrugged, “Hay if I know.” Hay.... Oh god damnit the PUNS!
“Huh.” I rolled on my heels and clapped my hands, “So! We’re stuck in a library at the moment.... Any good books on magic?” I yawned and shook my head. “Or a bed.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, “Magical theories on the left and there’s a couch in the back room.”
I grinned, “Thank you.” I walked over to the couch and laid down, “Night! Morning, whatever!” I closed my eyes and faded into sleep.
I passed through a crystal hall that seemed to stretch for hundreds of feet before ending up in a laboratory. Dozens of ponies that shined in the light were walking by looking at various crystals. One with a horn walked up and said something before the area darkened, and the dream shattered like glass. Sending me spiraling into the darkness and through giant crystals jutting out all around me.
I gasped a little and bolted awake, seeing that the moon was rising slowly.
“That was a relatively short sleep.” I turned and jumped to see mystery man sitting there with an intense seriousness on his face. His grey eyes boring into my skull.
I popped my neck and scratched my arm, “I’m used to sleeping for a couple hours... Blame the school system.” I stood up and made my way into the kitchen. “... I just realized you were staring at me while I slept.”
He chuckled darkly, “I’m sure if a snake bit you you wouldn’t realize it till you were dead. Whatever, I had my own reason for doing so. Those princesses was rather intent on getting any and all info on us.” He shook his head with a smile, “Like I would divulge my name...”
I nodded a little, “Why do you think I said that stupid name....” I opened, surprisingly enough, a fridge. “Not for shits and giggles I tell you.”
“Still, you could have used a different name. The guy you're using has enough to make a herd of cows.” He chuckled.
I grinned a little, “How many good names do you know of that can be used for evil kings slash sorcerers?”
He rolled his eyes, “Even so, I at least used something cooler to fit Necromancy.”
I scratched my neck, “So what’s your guy? I don’t think I heard what or who it was.”
“Grenth. The god of death.” He replied.
I raised an eyebrow. “I meant your guy. You know, dragged to his realm, gained powers.”
He smiled, “Ah, now that would be telling. If I divulged to you my guy, you would learn his weaknesses if you looked him up. Thus, you would know how to kill me. Not going to risk it. You haven’t told me yours, so don’t expect mine. I may be paranoid, but it’ll save my life one day.”
“That’s the type of attitude my father has.” I looked at him after taking a bite of a carrot. “He thinks it’s a good idea to run off, take drugs, and live with homeless people in Portland.”
He shook his head, “Well I don’t know what to tell you about that. That sounds like a personal issue. I just don’t trust anyone in this world, given that my guy more than likely has a history here that’ll come back and bite me in the ass. Which also means that also more than likely, there’s some sort of fool with a grudge against the magic I use. I have to be ready to fight back,” He pulls out a vial of blue liquid, “Thus I carry pots with me.”
I blinked and sighed, “I’m not gonna ask what that is....” I grabbed a pear and took a bite. “But I know the whole deal with pasts coming to bite you in the ass. I can just simply tell you my guy was a dictator, slave driver, and basicly the pony version of Atilla the Hun.” I grabbed a peach and walked into the main room. “Where the hell is my sword?”
He shrugged, “Dunno. But if I were to guess, the ponies, being about as rigid as morning wood, confiscated it in case you “turn evil”.” he finished in air quotes.
I sighed and held out my hand, “.... I feel like a dumbass but, Accio.”
He stared at me blankly, then facepalmed, “You seriously just tried a Harry Potter spell?”
I shrugged, hand extended. “Who knows... Might fucking wor-” The sword flew into my hand. “... Huh.”
He stared at the sword, then gave a small smile, “Okay, now that was actually kind of cool. Almost like a jedi. For that, twenty bits deducted off of what you owe me.”
I nodded and turned the sword a couple of times, “Cool.” I looked closer and saw the crystals were overlapped on each other. “Oh cool. The sword’s really well made, but... Crystal-y.” I felt the shadows around me form into the armor across my body. “And now that fucking armor is back.”
Mystery man whistled, “Not bad, not bad. Mine’s more fitting for my profession, so no fancy armor for me.” His hand glowed a sickly green and a white spear appeared in his hands, “Tried this before you woke up. I can use bone spears.” His body was covered in his aura, and his clothes was replace with black robes with shoulder pads, a hood, and a face mask. “Even got this.”
I clapped a little. “Well done.”
“I can also summon a giant meaty arm of fuck you to crush people’s skulls. Did that earlier this week.” He replied as the spear and armor disappeared, reverting back to his clothes.
I raised a part of my shadow and waved, “Darkness.”
“Really? I thought it was grape jelly.” He said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.
I rolled my eyes and sat down on the couch, grabbing a book and hovering it over to me. “Oh... Sorry that Captain Obvious wasn’t there to tell you what it was.”
“Oh it’s alright, I’m sure you’ll make a fine replacement for him.” He replied.
“Ha.” I laid back and started reading the book, which was on different crystals, and looking at him in the corner of my eye. “Why are you still here anyways? I would have expected you to leave.”
“I at least had the sense of direction when the moons was its brightest. thus meaning I could at least see the trail. But like hell if I’m going to risk heading into a forest of fuck, especially after I had to deal with a damn basilisk, in the middle of the night.” He said.
I looked at him after reading about the structure of crystals, “Basilisk? Paired with Max I’m beginning to think I’m in a mythology book.”
He sighed and leaned against the wall, “Try having your life flash before your eyes when you were inches away from dying. Not a fun feeling, and especially when I was nearly killed by a giant snake that actually replied to my questions.”
“I got a pet Manticore....”
He stared at me for a moment, then replied, “Once I get enough practice, I get undead creatures.”
“Cool. I got a motherfucking Manticore, aka the legendary Man-Eater.”
He gave me a thumbs up, “Cool.” He said simply.
I looked up at the ceiling, “...I want marshmallows.”
Mystery man made his way to the door, “And I need to get home, since the sun is finally up, I can get there without too much trouble. If you’re ever in the area of Sapphire Grotto, look me up.” He told me.
I nodded and looked out the window, blinking at the sun. “I’ll keep that in mind...” I sighed and planted the book on my face. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
I laid there for a few minutes before I heard someone come down the stairs. “Oh... Hey you’re up.” Oh great it’s.... Who is that!? The person, a guy by the sound of it, yawned and walked towards the kitchen. “You want anything!?”
My stomach grumbled and I nodded. “Sure. What ya got?” I raised a hand and pointed towards his direction. “And who are you? Twilight’s boyfriend?”
He choked on something before speaking up horrified. “No! Oh Celestia no! I’m her assistant, Spike. She practically raised me.”
I raised an eyebrow underneath the book. “Huh. So....” I lifted up the book a little and stared at him. “... You look like Barney.”
“What?” He tilted his head. “What’s a ‘Barney?’”
“The thing of nightmares.” I replied immediately before waving a hand. “No offence.”
He shrugged. “Okay...” Walking back into the kitchen he spoke again. “And we have eggs, hay bacon, gems, and some various ingredients. Just to answer your question.”
I waved a hand. “Eggs would be nice... And I’m sorry about the door, well, at least you got rid of the crystals....”
“Oh you made those? Those were so good!”
I blinked. “Wait what?” Confuzzling intensifies.....
“Dragons eat gems. They’re really good!” I heard the stove begin heating up as he continued. “Each color has a different flavor, clear ones are tasteless, but the darker it is the better.”
“That’s really cool sounding.” I kept reading. “But what were the one’s I made like?”
“The crystals around the door were really rich, it filled me up rather quickly. So I decided to save a couple.” Gratitude was clearly heard in his voice although he tried to hide it. “Thank you... I guess.” There was a knock at the door and I dropped my book on my head as Spike yelled out. “IT’S A PUBLIC LIBRARY! JUST WALK IN FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE!”
I calmly lifted the book over my head and peered into the kitchen. “Yes. But it’s like 10 in the morning. So I doubt the sign is flipped.” I set the book down and rolled off of the couch and onto the floor. “Ow.”
“Um.... what the fuck?” I pushed myself up a little and turned towards the door, looking at the man in a black cloak and light armor. Huh....
I waved a little. “Hi.” I leaned back and grabbed my sword. “Don’t mind me. Just woke up a little while ago.”
He raised a hand and started to point dumbly at me. “How the fuck did you do that?” He reached up and started to remove the hood of his cloak. “No seriously, how? I’ve been wanting to look normal since this whole clusterfuck of dimensions and shit started.” That’s really white hair....
I motioned to the sword. “Take thingy given.” I dropped it and my normal clothes returned. “Remove, and the armor goes away.”
His eyes twitched before he pulled off a perfect rage face. “FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” I raised an eyebrow as he started banging his head on the ground. “GOD! DAMN! IT! JUST! GOD! DAMN! IT!”
“And this rage is brought upon by..?” I looked at over him and saw an eye in his hand as he raised it for me to see. “Ah. Hmm.... Try... Try focusing on getting rid of the armor. Just imagine having it go away.”
“I’ve been trying that for two days now.... Why does everything hate or fear me today? Just why?” Did he just growl at the floor?
“What is going on down there?” I looked over to the stairs and saw Twilight rubbing her face. She immediately spotted our mystery guest and facehoofed. “Great.... another one.”
“O hai Twi.” I waved a little. “I forgot to mention, but sorry for the rock candy around the door.”
“I nearly shredded myself on those earlier. If they’re your fault, could you please fix the little bits of sharp rock that are out there?” Mystery man said before faceplanting. “Ignore me please. I wish to stew in my misery.” He started to roll off to the side and just laid on the ground facing the wall.
I stood up and walked over to the door. “What? I thought Barney Jr...” I trailed off at the black crystals higher than three feet. “Oh.” I placed my hand on one and closed my eyes, slowly converging them into a single crystal. “Hello headache, I thought you forgot about me.” I noticed a small shine in the road before going back inside. I plopped down on the couch as the Spike came back out with eggs. I grabbed the small plate and nodded in thanks, eating a little and feeling my headache fade.
I wasn’t paying attention to the things around me, but looking up I saw mystery man talking with Sparkle. “-ho aren’t scared shitless of me.” He grabbed the side of his head. “Do you by chance have any aspirin?”
I looked down at the remaining half plate of eggs and passed it to him. “Here. You’re suffering some drain in stamina. Food helps.”
He took the plate and looked at the eggs before taking a piece and eating it. His eyes dilated and he seemed frozen for a moment before I heard him speak. “Sweet Jesus, these are delicious....” He fucking devoured those eggs like how that priest from Indiana Jones 2 rips out hearts. “Mmmmmm....... So good.”
I grinned a little. “Hungry much?”
He pointed at me with a glare and slight smile. “Hey, I’ve only had one meal in the last two days. Cut a guy some slack.” He handed to plate to Spike and held out a hand. “Name’s Zach.”
I shook it and nodded. “Aleister.” I let go and sat down. “Don’t mind the name...”
He just shrugged and sat down next to me. “Why would I? Sounds pretty cool.”
I smiled. “Trust me... My parents thought it would be funny to name me that, wanna know why?”
Zach leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “Sure, let’s hear it.”
“To, and I quote, “Strike fear into Christians by letting them know I was named after Aleister Crowley, the satanist.” My parents were kinda fucking retarded.”
He just stared at me for a bit before busting a gut. “Ooooohohohohoho god, my sides! Dude, I’m a Christian!”
I nodded a little. “Alright. I’m hindu. We’re just a melting pot of religion aren’t we?”
“Oh... at least your name is actually you name. I keep getting Jack Frost jokes thrown at me cause my favorite season was winter.” He looked up at his hair and sighed. “And now my hair matches. Go figure.”
I shook my head a little. “I got called a water elemental all throughout my school. Mainly cause I love rain.” I looked down at the ground. “And we have different opinions on favorite seasons... Meh, not like we’re arguing.”
Zach grinned like an idiot. “Everyone to their own and all that jazz.” He looked over to Twilight and grinned sheepishly. “And I just realized that I haven’t asked for your name or the little guy’s.”
“My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this is my assistant Spike.” They shook politely and Twilight had a small frown as she sighed. “You are a lot nicer than the last few of your kind that I’ve met.”
He looked over at her with an arched eyebrow. “Come again? Last few ?” Zach pointed over at me. “As in, more than just this guy and me?”
I waved a little. “Well. There was this one guy. I apparently owe him money cause I didn’t die.”
He scrunched his face in confusion. “But...wha? How does...?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Tits.”
He looked at Sparkle. “Aaaanyways. It’s been a pleasure meeting you Miss Sparkle, but I must ask you something important in regards to my situation before I leave.”
“Is it where the leprechaun's gold is hidden? Cause I’ve been looking for years.”
He looked at me deadpan. “No, it’s not. I’m being serious.” He turned back to Sparkle. “Could you.... tell me what you know about Wendigos?”
You mean those hate eating cannibals who enjoy winter? If so, then I can tell you quite little. I stood up and walked over to the wall, grabbing a book and reading it. Occasionally eating small bits of the rock candy in my han- That’s not rock candy.
“This is not rock candy.”
I looked at the crystal for a little bit before looking at my sword across the room. I shouldn’t have powers.... But.... How...? Maybe it’s a residual effect. So... Does that mean I can...?
I popped the rest of the crystal in my mouth and started chewing. OH GOD IT’S LIKE I HAD FIVE MUGS OF TOBASCO AT ONCE! Not bad.... I broke out into a smile as I swallowed. “That was delicious.” I walked over to another book shelf and sat down away from everyone, pausing only to cough up fire. I shit you not. Real. Fucking. Fire. I wiped my mouth a little and fell backwards. “Ow.”
I so wish that I could... Huh what’s that? I see a button. Reaching my hand out I pressed it and fell down a trap door. After groaning in pain I raised a hand. “I hate you to gravity.” I sighed deeply and brought the book up to my face. “Time to read.”
“Before the three pony tribes lived in harmony, there was much conflict between them. The Pegasi were great in their military strength and had total control over the weather, often using them as leverage against the other two tribes. The Unicorns, with their magic and knowledge, Were considered to be the nobility amongst the tribes. They would use their magic to control the sun and moon, and ruled over the lands they held through greed and tyranny. The Earth ponies may not have had the magic or flight of the other tribes, but they held onto an equally powerful piece of the old society. Food. They were almost the sole source of food at the time, and would not part with it easily.
This caused arguments between the tribe leaders to arise, They argued and grew to hate one another. The Earth ponies accused of hoarding the food, the Pegasi blamed for sending storms at the capitals, and the Unicorns framed for burning the earth with the suns rays. Their hatred for one another only grew as time passed. Then one day, the weather began to get colder, and colder. Eventually it got too cold for anypony to remain in the northern lands.
The cause of this was that the hatred that the leaders of the tribes shared for one another, had attracted The Wendigos. Spirits that feed off of hatred, born of wind and ice. They had grown powerful enough to lay waste to an entire continent from the hatred of the leaders and their ponies. This cold wrath, lead the leaders of the three tribes to all come to the same decision on their own. They and a single aid, would travel out and find a new place to call home.
The three leaders and their companions all left the now frozen north, and headed to the south. There they found what is now Equestria, and claimed the land for their own. When the leaders found that the others had done the same as themselves, their hatred grew once more.
They were soon found by the Wendigos, and frozen into a cave. The companions of the leaders were the only ones to remain unfrozen, while the leaders were now encased in ice just like their frozen hearts. In what they were sure would have been their last moments alive, the companions of the leaders forged a friendship that’s flame not only melted away the ice from the cave, but freed the leader’s hearts of the ice that encased them.
The Wendigos vanished soon after. The only writings that are linked or reference the Wendigos are thousands of years old. Dating back to when the Crystal Empire vanished from the face of Equestria. Some believe that the Crystal Empire is where the original home of the three tribes is located, but discernible proof has yet to be found to support the claims.”
“Hmmm....” By jove a cracked the case! Wait.... What case? Eh screw it. Oh hey a gold coin.... Wait.... GOLD! I grabbed it and stuck it in my pocket. “I’ve struck gold!” I did a little dance and waved the coin around. “Goldy goldy gold.” I looked around and saw that there was more gold... Raining around me... What? I looked up and saw that when the floor opened up an old chest broke open and was pouring coins.
“I STRUCK IT RICH!”