The Replacement Letters

To Your Mediocreness

Well, that stupid bird has put me in a shock over nothing. Here I thought that Philomena was a DYING DODO BIRD, and it turns out she's a MOLTING PHOENIX! Most ponies I know need to learn how to keep their mouths SHUT, YOU on the other hoof need to OPEN your fat mouth. Don't worry about Pinkie Pie, next time you come over we'll tie her up in chains, put an apple in her mouth, lock her in a trunk and lock that trunk in the closet and barricade the closet with 2x4s. THAT should keep her from stealing your food and polluting the other food with her germs.

Twilight Sparkle

PS: You stink.