The Replacement Letters

Dear Celestia

A weird unicorn named Trixie showed up in town and claimed to have been the most powerful unicorn ever. My friends did cool things to challenge her, and all she ever did was beat them up. So what did I do? I turned her into a newt. Too bad she got better.

I also learned how to make mustaches. I tried it on my slave Spike, but he just wanted to use it to impress Rarity. I keep telling him "she's a ponie, you're a dragon" but he never listens to me. So I took his mustache off him by pulling it off with my hooves; you should have heard his scream of pain, it was fun.

Twilight Sparkle the new barber/butcher