What in the...

Well, I’m not dead, thank god; But which one? Buddha, Christian God, or Thor. Damn my nerd thoughts. I’m in goddamn Equestria, and all I can think about is flipping superheroes. Well you can see my attention span.

“Who is this?” Well, thank god, I can still hear, also, curse you god, my ears feel like a goddamn tunnel, well to the voice, it isn’t a stallion, or a main character. If I’m in the hospital, it might be from the read it and weep episode, think, idiot, think; Nurse Red Heart maybe? Hopefully, I don’t want screw loose looking me over. Alright think probable, wait, no, no, no. Don’t think probable, you are in a damn cartoon, you idiot; might as well start by opening my eyes. Pop. Pop. Good news, it isn’t screw loose, better news, it’s Nurse Red Heart. Then she repeated “Who is this?” Not looking at him, how rude, wait a minute...I look behind me and see the postal mare, bless her soul. Wait a second...I’m on the floor, bless it a bit less please.

The goofy eyed mare said “I don’t know, before he could say his name, he passed out. But he did say ‘take me to the hospital’” That’s part true; I said ‘please’ and ‘may’. A third voice said “Hello, me on the floor” Hold it...It’s mine, glad to see the British accent hasn’t gone, not like Doctor Whooves being American.

“Ah!” The Nurse got shocked by my sudden awakening “Oh, it’s just you”

“Yes, why so scared about my awakening?” Why must my posh nosh kick in now?

“Miss Hooves,” She pointed to the gobbled eyed mare “said you were in a road”

“Sorry, I had fallen and must have passed out” British posh nosh still there, brain kick in my normal speaking now!

“Well, she said you wanted to go to the hospital” I can’t tell if Red Heart has a British or an American accent, why is this so hard?

“Yeah, I did, I thought a check up would be perfect” There you go, my old voice is back

“Okay, then...” Red Heart spoke worryingly, I don’t see why. Other than a pony is only asking for a check up after straight up fainting in a field, there was that.

“Should I stay with him?” Derpy asked, aw. Her Heart was as cute as her voice.

“Sir, do you have a household?” Okay, I’m still not sure about her accent but she is posh, I know that

“No, I’m from another village” well, I am from a town not a village. But that town is in another reality

“Which village?” damn, village name, village name, village name. Aha

“England” I said, well useless that village has a mad person in a blue box, it isn't an England I know

“England doesn't exist, as far as I know” Oh smelly stuff, what now?

“It’s on the outskirts” Great excuse, well I hope it works; it isn't my worst excuse, right?

“I don’t know about that; tell me a village next to it?” Damn it, why does she need to know? Want to contact the local paper? Time for the cheesiest of fantasy film cliches, the old amnesia trick

“I don’t know” I said, my acting is terrible, even I couldn't tell if I was trying to be confused or brain dead

“It must be some sort of short term memory loss, should pass” Red Heart started to pat my head, I felt like a dog, damn it, I am now man’s best friend

“Where will he go?” Derpy said, worry still in her voice. She must feel like she must treat all people, or ponies, right.  Why can’t people in my world do that?

“I don’t know, what about that unicorn living in the library?” No, no, no. Doesn't she remember lesson zero? I don’t want to be part of another one of her insanity descents.

“Why doesn't he stay with me? I found him” I like your Derpy, but we aren't playing finders keepers, or are we? What are these planet’s laws? Damn it, think present; you are in a hospital with a cross eyed pony who wants to take you home and a posh nurse who wants to know where you live; Great present to be living in.

“I think that is alright, what do you think, sir?” Red Heart tilted her head, and, from every single movie I've seen, this means ‘I don’t know your name, please tell me’. What a minute...I can’t use my real name, Ryan Plant, that doesn't fit with Derpy Hooves and the rest, we have Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, think, think. Wait... movies! Shaun of the dead?. No. Zombie land? No! Return of the...Damn it brain, think of something that isn’t brain eating zombies. Wait, Tallassee’s Chainsaw, Shaun’s cricket bat. Brain, I love you. Alright, Chain Bat, Cricket Saw, Tallassee, Shaun, and Winchester! The pub! Brain, I love you!

“Winchester, that’s my name” I sounded terribly fake; it’s like North Korea’s threats. In Equestria, and still thinking about the internet, I love my brain. I hope Red Heart fell for it.

“Well, Winchester, we will just check you over” Yes, success is mine, she fell for it. Am I that good at lying? No, wait, I can barely lie to my dog. Do they have dogs here? Wait, Applejack’s dog. What’s that dog’s name? Alright brain, stop it. No more questions.

“Alright” Red Heart began to walk down a hallway, what? No ‘follow me’? Well, maybe in this reality. They have goddamn mind reading chips. Wait. Brain, stop it, you can’t read minds. Can. Cannot. Can . Cannot. Can too. Alright try. No, I’m bored. God damn you. But you said you loved me a minute ago. I changed my mind. I am your mind. Stop it, brain, and focus. Fine; we were in the corridor, painted watery green, it looked like wait happen when you...I’m not telling you, you probably know what I’m talking about? You probably do. How long is this corridor? I thought it would have been finished about halfway through the battle of brain and host. A book cart, being pushed by an elderly pony, which had the same color of the wall, brushed past me, as I looked to see what was on it, I first saw Daring Do, Ironic, isn't it? Maybe, I will get to read it, maybe if I stay here long enough, could I pretend? Well, Rainbow tried, failed miserably, wait, which am I? I looked back, damn no wings, but I am blue, I look like the tardis, thank you whovian genes, wait, and am I a unicorn? It would still be pretty sweet to be an earth pony, but being a unicorn would be bad-ass; not Bruce Willis or Rambo bad-ass, but still pretty bad-ass. Mirror, mirror, where art thou mirror? As I passed a doctor’s lounge, I caught a glimpse of me in a darken window, damn not a unicorn, but I’m a pony, still pretty sweet.  My hair is parted, a bit like a stereotypical 80’s nerd, but my hair is lightly dark green and a watered down light green. Perfect, part of my hair looks like a dalek’s shell. I quickly shook my hair, and it came partly over my eyes, looks like my normal view. Come corridor, slow down. Is this a goddamn dream? Wait, is it? Only one way to find out, pinch, wait, I don’t have fingers. Well, then, punch! OW, not so hard hand, I mean hoof. Well it isn’t a dream, wait, what about home? What a minute, planet earth is terrible, I’m staying here. But remember your family. Oh. Maybe it’s like back to the future, you were erased; Or it could be star trek, you were erased from time but people still remember you. Wait, what brought me here? Wait did? It isn’t Discord, he’s reformed, I hope. Sombra, nah, he is just a character thrown in to make an episode, parasprites? No brain, unless parasprites wanted me to tell them about KFC and burger king.

“Here,” Nurse Red Heart pointed into an empty room, it was one of those check-up rooms, with poster and everything. Batteries not included. Nice to see my sense of humor is still intact, as being as terrible as ever. “Wait in here for a minute” Nurse Red Heart shut the door and left. I knew it wasn't going to be a minute, last time I got a check-up; the doctor thought a minute contained thirty of them. I wondered if she is telling another nurse or doctor the wacky adventure of Ryan Plant, A.K.A Winchester, wait a minute...I have just thought of a better name, Night light, it isn't great but it fits in with the cartoon’s childish appeal. Winchester is a gun. Do they have guns here? No, they have spears and swords. Are you sure they have spears and swords? I believe so. Maybe they are the medieval us, except with magic and Technicolor talking ponies. Well, a minute has passed no sign of her returning, typical. Creak. Scratch. Click. Creak. Think of the devil.

“Sorry about that” Red Heart said, even though she was about only two seconds late.

“No worries, my normal doctor is a lot slower” Well, the truth is spoken.

“Well, let’s look you over” Alright, then, I hope this doesn't take long.

Creak. Scratch. Click. Creak.

“Hello Nurse, is this the pony?” A grey unicorn had entered, his overcoat spotless, it seems these are a lot more clean than my world

“Yes it is, Winter, is it?” But our name forget system is here.

“Winchester” I corrected, I love that feeling, correcting someone.

“Yes, this is Winchester, Key” Red Heart didn’t seem the slightest annoyed about my correction, not like face book, do they have Wi-Fi here? Have you seen Twilight searching Wikipedia? No. So no Wi-Fi. No living tombstone? Nope. That’s a down side. It is.

“Okay, let’s do this quickly,” Doctor Key sounds a bit German. But does it matter? To us it does. Us? Yeah, you and me, brain and body. Well okay then. Key’s horn sparked, his Aura was light green. Wait Green? Changeling! No, he’s a doctor; changeling can’t have doctor’s degree. Can’t they? No, they cannot. Sure? Yes, certain. His Aura died down. Not scared of changelings are we? No. Are you sure? Yes, I am. You want a sucker? Yes, very much so. “Done, he is completely fine but one thing...” Key sounded very serious.

“What is it?” A great suspense arouse over my voice.

“An magic Aura surrounds you, like changelings have, but this is good Aura, changelings have bad” His voice dropped in the serious side.

“What does that mean for me?” My voice didn’t drop in suspense.

“Nothing much” Damn, I wanted wolverine healing factor. You still want a sucker? As I said, very much so. we will get one later.

“Are you okay?” Key didn't sound questioningly or worryingly, he just sounded bored.

“Yeah, I’m fine shall we go?” That didn't sound creepy at all, not even a bit. It did, terribly. Shut up, I’m being sarcastic. I know. Then why did you do that? Do what? Screw you.

“We will” Well, as least, he hid his ‘this guy is creepy as hell’ tone. Both Red Heart and Key left the room and I followed. Follow the leader, leader, leader. Stop it. You ain't nothing but a...SHUT UP! Because this is thriller, thriller to...Well, at least I have music, but bad thing I don’t have brony music; Discord, I howling at the moon. I’m going to let you sing. As I had ‘discord’ suck in my head. I headed down the corridor. When the labyrinth of a corridor ended, there was Derpy, same position, same stance. Like a weeping angel. I hate you so much brain.