What in the...

“Home, sweet, home” Proudly Derpy pointed at a house, it was very normal, nothing mistaken about it; it actually was neater than other houses; something that I didn’t some suspect. Offensive. It isn’t. It is. Brain. Yes? Shut up! As she trotted in, I took a quick look at the door, no locks. Is this the same with every house? No locks? Jesus, humanities would go ape here, looting anything that even twinkled, hell, if it wasn’t nailed down. The house, even inside, was still sorted. Look, books! No book nerd today brain, maybe tomorrow. Really? I said maybe. That means yes. No, it means maybe. But maybe means yes. Fine, maybe means yes. Yeah, books! You aren't going to get books. I can hear you. No, you can’t. Can too. Brain... Shut up!

“Sorry about the mess” Derpy said, she seemed slight frustrated at herself, in that cute way.

“It’s fine, it’s very tidy to be honest” It was the truth, I tried to say it in that ‘We’re friends’ way, but it came out more of that ‘calm down, I will try and comfort you’ way.

“Really?” She went really excited and happy, so much, in fact, her wings fluttered a bit, her mouth was wide open and her eyes wide. It was the cutest thing you could possibly see, other than Flutter Shy and Derpy in the same place, both happy as your body can be. That would be cute. It would be, contact deviant art! No Wi-Fi brain, remember? Oh. But we have books, remember? Woo, books!

“Yeah, neater than a year could do for one room in my house.” Still true, on record, the least times I’ve tripped over things in a day is like five.

“Thank you, thank you” Derpy ran into me, I thought she was about to rugby tackle me. But she bear hugged me instead. Come on, you know what I did; hugged back. You ever have that feeling when you have seen and felt the cutest thing ever and you will treasure it like a rare gem? Imagine that feeling, and now times it by twenty; that’s my feeling right now. Thirty seconds later, this is awkward. Brain, I am hugging Derpy, this isn’t awkward, and it’s cute as hell. Hell isn’t cute, hell is hot. You know what I mean. I don’t. Fine, it’s cute as a puppies yawning. That’s cute. That’s what I’m feeling brain, shut up. Alright, have your little brony moment. Mate, you’re also a brony. No I’m not. Your my mind, how can a mind and thoughts have different opinions? We’re socially awkward, remember? We’re not. We are, all we do with our spare time is write fan fics, play Xbox, stare at a computer screen and talk to friends in America over Skype. Two things you just said weren’t anti-social. What? Xbox and Skype. Xbox? You play Xbox. No, I speak to my English friends in an Xbox live party. You got me partner. You got me thinking about the mask. Smokin’! Stop it!

“Sorry about that, it’s just ponies aren’t usually that nice, usually there are very spiteful’ for a wall eyed Pegasus, she has a large vocabulary, also, who could hate something that gosh darn cute? Haters. you got me brain. Somebody stop me. STOP IT! Never, 'till the mask is permantly scarred in your mind!

“Spiteful? How? You’re beautiful” Smooth, moron. Imagine if I said ‘cute’. OH DEAR GOD! Please don’t blush, please don’t blush.

“Oh,” Derpy looked to the side, the cheek I could see turned red, damn it voice box “Thanks” Well at least she didn’t run for the hills. Iron ...No Brain, stop it!

“Sorry, did I make you blush?” You know she did. No, I don’t. Yes, you do. I do...Aha, you do! Let me finish, I am trying to be polite. Polite? Us? Yes, sometimes we have to be.

“No, it’s just...No, one has never said that to me” Oh god, oh god! Brain, stop freaking out. Dude, she has the look. She doesn’t have the look. I’m still freaking out. You’re shouldn't be. You should be; think about it. Oh god, I’m totally freaking out! See? I’m being sarcastic.

“Really?” Ryan, stop it. No, we need to be polite. Look at the facts, there is two of you, you are male, she is female, and the door is shut. The door isn’t shut. It is. Look at the door. Fine. I craned me head around to look like I was looking around which I was actually doing, just a half-assed job at doing so, holy mother of hell, the door is shut! See? But that doesn’t mean she wants want you are thinking. It doesn’t? No, look she doesn’t have the look, which you were freaking over for what felt like ten minutes. Oh yeah. You okay now? Yes. Brain. Yeah? You want a sucker? Yes.

“No, I think it’s because I’m... different” She sounded almost like she was both weeping and just sad, she started to scrape the carpet with her hoof. Think brain. Say you’re different. No, that’s cheesy. Think of a good story. You’re the brain, you think. Fine, say: It’s the same in your town, you’re are the only earth pony there and get bullied and teased, then keeping going by saying this, ummm...Make it up? Yeah, let’s do that, winging it.

“Don’t be sad, it’s the same in my town, I’m the only earth pony there and get bullied and teased about it all the time” Is that it?! We didn’t think of anything else. We didn’t have we been in this room the whole time? Yeah. Oh god! Brain. Sorry.

“Really?” Derpy did the sort of sad yet happy things, like when you get bullied for liking a certain music that is rare now like old rock and roll or metal and then find someone with the same problem and become friends. Did that happen? Yeah, remember Dan? Oh yeah.

“Yeah, it’s nice to find someone the same” That didn’t sound cheesy at all. I know you’re being sarcastic. Good boy, you want a doggy treat? You dare patronise me, you don’t get a sucker. I’ll be quiet, wait...Do they even have suckers here? I don’t know. Says the brony. You’re one as well. Am not. You’re my brain. So? That means you’re me. Oh yeah.

“Well, if you want to read,” Now to completely blow out the subject. She was feeling uncomfortable. Yeah but...But what? Nothing. “I got a lot of authors”

“Like who?” Why did you ask that? Well, maybe they will do the human crossover thing. When have you seen that? Dude, a ponifed Harry Potter it's in an episode. Really? Yeah.

“Trotting King,” Told you. You didn’t. I’m not arguing with my head. Again... “Ponies like that”

“Cool, I love his...” Think about the old King. The shining. No pony joke there. It. Nope, what can ‘It’ be, anyway? The Tommy Knockers! What can that be? The Tommy Trotters! Really bad joke. Hey, if fimfiction could use it, so can I! Fine. “The Tommy Trotters story”

“I love that one!” Isn’t she supposed to be stupid? Dude! Not called for! I was just saying. Derpy has bouncing up and down as if she was five and was given a toy.

“Well, it’s pretty late, shall I go to bed?” We have a winner for creep of the century! Don’t tease me. I will, ‘till the end of time.

“Sorry, I haven’t got the spare room ready,” Spare room? Yes, a spare room. But she is supposed to...Stop it! Fine, but seriously...I know “But you can sleep on the couch, or I could?” Awww. Don’t be a girl. I’m not, it’s just cute.

“No, I will sleep on the couch,” Mother father gentleman. Brain, I swear to god...But we’re atheists. I swear to Charles Darwin, I will kill you. Nice comeback. Shut up “I will see you in the morning” As Derpy went up the stairs. Apples and pears. We’re British, Brain, but don’t be self-racist. Does that even exist? I don’t know. You’re stupid. Am not. Well, back to my vision...As Derpy went up the stairs, she was smiling, not in the clownish way but in the ‘I’ve been a good person today’ Smile. Pony. Stop it. Well, this Couch is perfect, purple and pink. Do you seriously care? Yes. Why? Because...Something. We are sleeping on it. Fine. See it’s comfy. It isn't. Just go to sleep. Night, brain. Night, gay boy. Brain. Fine, bed time...We will, we will...BRAIN! Alright!