Chapters “Celestia!”
“Excolotis.”
Celestia stood outside of Sugar Cube Corner; her characteristic mane fluttering in a nonexistent breeze; at her side Twilight fidgeted, uncertain of what to make of the fact that Excolotis seemed to know Celestia. Twilight and Celestia’s heads were tilted upwards to look at Excolotis, who seemed more than happy to see one of the royal Alicorn sisters.
“Look at you!” Excolotis waved his hands at the princess, “Your hair has grown long! I remember back when you had kept it cut close!”
“Really?” said Pinkie Pie, she scrunched up her nose as she studied her ruler, trying to imagine her with a cropped mane and tail, “Nope, I can’t see it.”
“Oh yes, and back then it was a bright pink,” continued Excolotis, “I must admit, the new look is far more regal, if not impractical.”
Twilight blinked. The concept of Excolotis knowing Celestia so well blew nearly anything she had known about the situation out of the water. There was no mention of an Excolotis in the books, not even in legends.
“What do you intend to do now that you have returned,” asked Celestia, a stern visage passing over her face, “Do you plan to carve out some empire to satisfy some need for conquest?” Her wings flared, and Celestia moved into an attack position. If Excolotis had come for vengeance, or had gone mad, she needed to take him out quickly; in a prolonged fight, he would win.
Excolotis stopped at the question. He looked up, a heavy sigh coming from his helm. He looked back down at his feet and crossed his arms, tapping the fingers of his right hand against his left bicep with a dull clanging noise. “Nope” he finally said. Raising his head to look Celestia square in the eyes; he continued “I do not want to rule some empire. I do not want to start some war, or battle, or anything like that. If I am needed, I shall defend the realms as I always shall, but I have no desire to go out and start a fight.”
Celestia breathed out, and visibly slumped.
“However, why was I sealed away for four thousand years? Surely the deal would of have been fulfilled?”
Celestia tensed again, and Twilight took a few steps back; expecting a fight at any moment, “The political climate...” Celestia said slowly, “Did not allow me to keep our arrangement.”
“Hmm.” Excolotis slid his hands back to his sides, “I never did understand politics... but even I find that hard to believe.” Celestia raised her wings again, which began to rustle like a tree caught in the wind, “But still, I doubt you would betray me like that, Celestia. You were always such a kind soul.”
“Yes,” Celestia said, settling back onto her hooves, “I kind of am, anyway, much has changed in four thousand years, you may want to brush up on things.”
“So, what?” Excolotis asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice “No tales of bloody battles, or the early days of the kingdom of Equestria? Heh, you always did expect the worst, Celestia, do not worry about it. I know enough on how to interact with others.”
“Uh, Celestia?” asked Twilight, “My friendship reports might be of...”
“NO!” snapped Celestia, before calming herself, “No, that wouldn’t work Twilight. Excolotis is much too large for the Library; he will need to stay elsewhere.”
“But I know he couldn’t...”
“I said no, Twilight, don’t make repeat myself again. Now please be quiet, we’ll talk later.”
Twilight promptly shut her mouth closed after that. She did not know what was wrong with Celestia, but she seemed upset. One thing Twilight did not want to do was to upset her teacher, mentor and mot... childhood friend.
“Is there any pulding... building, why did I say pulding?” Pinkie shook her head before continuing; “Building in Ponyville big enough for him?”
“Ah, Pinkie Pie; I like you, straight to the chase!” Excolotis nodded his approval, “No muss of fuss about if you should, first things first you want to know if it is possible.”
“Excolotis,” piped up Twilight, getting a quick glare from Celestia as she did so, “The saying is ‘muss or fuss’ not ‘muss of fuss.’ Just, thought I should say that.”
“Thank you... Twilight,” nodded Excolotis, holding his finger upright, “I am always happy to be corrected when I make a mistake.”
“We are getting off track!” reminded Celestia, “The only building large enough for Excolotis is the barn at Sweet Apple Acres, and I doubt Applejack is able or willing to empty it out for him.”
“We could always ask,” pointed out Pinkie Pie, “Applejack isn’t one to turn away someone who needs help. She’s way too nice for that.”
“Fair enough,” said Excolotis, “But I should mention that I don’t really need that. Just give me some heavy, strong cloth and I can craft myself a tent.”
Pinkie Pie shook her head. “No one should have to sleep in some mouldy old tent when a solid roof is there. That just isn’t fair.” Pinkie punctuated the last sentence with a stomp of her hoof. Twilight had never seen Pinkie take anything so seriously, except when Applebloom was sick with Cutie Pox.
“If it really upsets you, Pinkie,” said Excolotis gently, “I’ll see what can be done.”
Pinkie Pie cheered, and began to bounce towards Applejacks orchards, Excolotis strolling along behind her. Twilight began to follow, when Celestia held up a hoof to stop her. “I owe you an explanation, Twilight,” she told her student,
“I’d really like to know what’s going on Princess,” said Twilight, “Who, or WHAT, was that, and how do you know him so well? And why did it look like you were going to attack him?”
Celestia sighed. “Excolotis is, and always will be, quick to anger. If he wanted revenge, he would of have stated it. He is never one to hop around the subject; if he wants you dead, he’ll tell you before he sticks a blade into you.
Excolotis is not fond of the weak or foolish. If he knew that you were writing friendship reports, he would think of you as an invalid. He’d treat you gently, as you might treat a cripple. But you need to know a few more things about him. And me.”
Ponies milled around uncertainly, some crying, others giggling as they rocked back and forth on their hooves, others just staring at nothing. Celestia and Luna stood some distance away, staring sadly at their subjects. Celestia’s hair was cut short, bright neon pink, her tail nipped close. Luna’s hair was a bit longer, but still nipped close; Luna’s colouration was a bright blue. Their finery was nowhere to be found, for it did not exist yet. Excolotis hadn’t forged it.
“Excolotis made your finery?!” exclaimed Twilight, “Did you commission him? How much did you give him?”
“It was a gift,” explained Celestia, “He made it after the kingdom was born. Now, don’t interrupt.”
“It is done, for now till the end of all things.” Sighed Luna, “The foul beast that haunted us for many an age is now long gone.”
“Perhaps, but we must continue our work.” Frowned Celestia, “Many of our subjects are not healing. They will not forget his torments for some time yet.”
Luna and Celestia’s heads whipped round at a screech from above, griffins swooping down upon the camp to attack and eat; as they did in the days of old. Most of the Ponies fled, running about in every direction. Those too far gone just sat in their own bodily waste, not even flinching as claws and hungry beaks ripped into their throats and stomach.
Luna and Celestia did their best to defeat the griffins, but they could not be everywhere at once. Yet even what they did was not enough. With every kick they gave, the griffins just rolled, or dodged. The royal sister’s skill in combat was not enough. Eventually, cuts and scraped lined their backs; and more than once they had to roll about to dislodge a griffin that had landed on their backs to rip at their necks.
Eventually, the griffins had over run the camp, and Celestia and Luna had gathered their charges back in a safer plain some distance away. Over six thousand scarred, traumatized ponies cried for their lost, grazed, and did their business. Twenty six had been lost.
“GIFFINS ate PONIES!?” shrieked Twilight, “They actually ATE ponies!?"
“Yes, Twilight,” sighed Celestia, “They ate ponies.”
“We cannot continue.” Luna shook her head. “We require a fortress, within which we can defend against these brigands who seek to harm us.”
“That is true;” agreed Celestia, “But these Ponies are not craftsmen. They are not warriors. Beasts roam in the forests, and griffins dwell in the rocky plains. We cannot survive this. I fear that we have delivered them from Discord and his evil, only to condemn the innocents below us to death.”
“Wait,” started Twilight, “So after you defeated Discord, we faced death, disease, and we had nowhere to call home?”
“Yes, Twilight.”
“So how did you rebuild Equestria?”
“It was because of Excolotis.”
“Why should I help you?” asked Excolotis. A claymore was slung across his back, nearly scraping the ground. A shield was strapped to his left arm, a bastard sword hung at his waist. Bandoliers of throwing knives were slung across his chest, and his robes and tabard were gone, for they did not exist yet.
“Because we require your aid to survive!” shouted Celestia, “without you, our ponies are doomed to death!”
“That is not my concern.” Stated Excolotis, “The Gryphons interest me more than your subjects. They are proud, strong; true warriors. Your ponies are weak, soft, broken things; nothing more than Prey.”
“So that is it then,” cried Luna, “You doom us because your amusement lies elsewhere?!”
“Aye.”
“Then we are doomed.” Luna hung her head, and began to cry softly. “It was not meant to be this way. We were supposed to be free from the nightmare.”
Celestia wrapped Luna in her wing and held her close.
“Walk with me, Excolotis,” said Celestia, “I would have words with you.”
Excolotis stood on a rocky outcrop, staring out over the grass plains. He sighed, and shook his head. “Very well Celestia, you have succeeded. I will help you.” He stared at his feet, and Celestia nodded.
“Thank you,” she whispered, “Thank you.”
“What?!” shouted Twilight. “What did you say?!”
“That is between me and Excolotis.” Said Celestia, “Not even Luna knows what happened.”
“Wait... you didn’t...?”
“No!”
“So what happened next?”
“NO! Keep your guard up!” shouted Excolotis, his stick thwacking across the Earth Pony’s back. “Remember, light jabs to stun, heavy jabs when he is slowed!” The pony growled across the staff clenched in his teeth, and stabbed and japed with the padded end.
Earth Ponies had paired off into groups of two, hundreds of them. Excolotis stalked back and forth across the ranks of sparring ponies. Above, Pegasus wheeled and turned in complicated manoeuvres.
To one side, Unicorns practised offensive spells, hurling bolts of magical force at griffin shaped bags filled with straw. Most were just knocked over by stray blasts, a few actually exploded when struck by direct hits by the magic missiles. One Unicorn used beautiful displays of pyrotechnic wonders, multi coloured blasts arcing and striking multiple targets. The Unicorn was already sweating, while her colleagues were still fresh. She cried as a stick went across her flank.
“You do not need to do anything impressive,” admonished Excolotis, waving his stick for emphasis, “Pure fore is all that is required. Blast flesh from bone and your foe will fall as readily as any other. Look at yourself. You are exhausted. Look at your companions. They are still fresh. Endurance is what matters here and your spells are draining too much. You need to be able to cast at a moment’s notice, and if you are tired you will not be able to. A moment of inattention is all it takes to be split from collar to nape.”
The Unicorn nodded, and began to use colourless blasts of magic that struck straight and true, blasting straw dummies apart. She began to sweat less, and her spells cast more frequently.
Hundreds of Earth Ponies marched in perfect lockstep, the crash of their hooves thundering as they advanced over the rocky plains. At their sides, they held wooden poles, iron blades six inches long held at the end by the tendons of slain animals. Hardened leather covered their flanks and shoulders; boiled, soft leather covering their forelegs and bellies. From a distance, magical blasts from Unicorns crashed into the griffins eyries, scattering stone and hurling shredded carcasses into the air.
Celestia and Luna stood in a tent made from tanned hides, staring at a map carved into soft vellum made from the belly of a griffin. Markers were moved about by their magic, and Excolotis stood nearby. “What do you plan to do now?” asked Excolotis.
“The Spearponies will move up to the caves, and then switch to short swords.” Celestia said; her eyes focused on the map. “They will clear them out. The Pegasus will keep the Gryphons away from the Earth Ponies using hit and run tactics, keeping them safe from overhead interference. The Unicorns will cease their blasts when the Earth Ponies move in, as the area will be too unstable.”
“Good. You are learning quickly.”
“There will be no prisoners, we cannot spare the resources.” said Luna flatly. Celestia whirled her head about in shock.
“Are we to simply slaughter them all?” whispered Celestia, “To kill young, old, and weak?”
“Luna is correct,” said Excolotis, “If we drive them out, they shall return. We must end this here and now. If they flee though, we cannot afford to run them down. Celestia, you must surround them, and hem them in with the Pegasus.”
“I am aware of that.” said Celestia, hanging her head low, “Without condoning, or condemning, I am aware of that.”
“You killed them all...” whispered Twilight. Her head swam, and she felt faint. The concept of what she was hearing was too much for her to bear. Her mentor, her friend... had committed an atrocity. “Why? Why did they deserve to die?”
“We couldn’t do otherwise.” whispered Celestia, “It was... a different time. Crimes like that were needed. We had to do terrible things, because if we didn’t, we would die. ‘If you kill, you die’ is one of our laws, but back then... the law was ‘you kill, you live.’ I am sorry, Twilight, but that’s how it was back then.”
“I... I need to think about this.”
“I understand, Twilight.”
“No!” shouted Twilight, startling Celestia with her sudden fury, “You don’t! You don’t get it! IT WAS WRONG! What... it was MONSTEROUS! I can’t... I need to go.”
Twilight turned and ran, tears streaming down her face.
“I’m so sorry, Twilight.” whispered Celestia, tears running down her face, “Forgive me.”
“Broken down till your hope has died; kneel down to my victory tonight! Stand up and show me some pride, and now are you ready?” Excolotis walked out the barn, singing a rather aggressive song, and carrying a pallet full of apples in his arms. “I’m one with the warrior inside; the evidence can’t be denied, your entire world will turn into a battlefield tonight! As I look upon you, though the warrior’s eyes now, I can see the fear that will ensure my victory this night!”
Applejack stepped around the corner, two baskets full of apples hanging from her shoulders, and paused to listen.
“You can’t hide now, I am the warrior!” Excolotis sang, “So decide now; how they will remember you! You can’t hide now, act like a warrior! So decide now, and solidify your place in time!”
“Not a bad tune,” smiled Applejack, “Bit darker than I’d like, but my tastes probably ain’t nothing like yours.” Excolotis chuckled at that, and nodded.
“So then Applejack,” Excolotis looked around, “Where do you want these?”
“Just over there,” Applejack pointed over at a clearing nearby, which was covered by a heavy blue shade cloth, “The apples can wait there to be taken to market later. I got to admit, you’re more help that I’d thought you’d be.”
“Appreciate the compliment... I think.”
“So that’s the barn, then.” Applejack nodded, “Now we just need some furniture, like a bed or something, and then you’re all set.”
“And don’t forget the PARTY!” With a burst of confetti, Pinkie Pie launched out of the pale of apples and blew a horn right into Excolotis face, who promptly dropped the pallet, and Pinkie, onto the dirt. “Ow. That wasn’t that bright of an idea, huh...”
“Pinkie,” scolded Applejack, “Now the apples will be bruised!”
“No, they won’t silly filly,” giggled Pinkie Pie, hopping out of the apples, “I put light padding between the apples.”
“Beg pardon?” said Applejack, “How long did that take you?”
“Oh, not long.” smiled Pinkie Pie. Applejack got the same feeling she got from time to time; that Pinkie Pie knew far more than she was letting on.
“How did you do that?” asked Excolotis, poking at the apples with a finger, “There isn’t even a hole where you used to be. That’s... not impossible obviously, but very unlikely at least.”
“I make physics my bitch.” giggled Pinkie Pie.
“What does a female dog have to do with anything?” asked Applejack, “And how do you turn physics into one in the first place?”
“Oh, don’t worry Applejack.” nodded Pinkie Pie, “The others get it.”
Excolotis stared at Applejack, who shook her head. It was best not to question how Pinkie Pie was able to do things. Just accept it as part of her quirks and move on. Excolotis picked up the pallet and carried it over to the shaded area, gently putting it on the ground.
“So, the party’s in a few hours Excolotis,” said Applejack, “We’ll get some furniture for you later. Twilight can probably magic something up for you. In the meantime, let’s go to Rarity’s boutique. You’ve been wearing that dress...”
“Robe,” Interrupted Pinkie Pie.
“I knew that!” snapped Applejack, making Excolotis chuckle, “Any way, we’ll see if Rarity can make something better than those, robes, to wear to the party.”
“So let’s go!” cheered Excolotis, “I get to spend time with good company, and everything else is a bonus!”
“Mighty kind of you,” smiled Applejack, “I think we’re going to get along just fine!”
“We’re gonna be bestest friends” shouted Pinkie Pie, “And we’re gonna to have the best parties! Hey, look its Twilight!”
Twilight flung herself into Applejack’s embrace, sobbing into her mane. Applejack shifted uneasily, and held up Twilight up uneasily. “Uh, Hey Twi.” She soothed, “are you okay?”
“How could she do that?” cried Twilight, “I thought she was better than that.”
Applejack held Twilight close, and shushed her. “It’s okay, Twi, just tell me what happened, did she hurt you?”
“She killed them,” Twilight sobbed, her face buried in Applejack’s mane, “She just killed them. Like they didn’t matter.”
“Who did, sugar cube?”
“Celestia...”
“Celestia?!” asked Pinkie Pie, shock in her voice, “Did she turn evil, and become Nightmare Sol?!”
Applejack and Twilight stared at their hyperactive friend. “It’s a legitimate question.” said Excolotis.
“You!” snarled Twilight, “You’re no better! You should of have stayed in that cave!”
“Ah,” Excolotis nodded, and knelt on one knee, “I take it Celestia told you of the first few years of the second Equestria then?”
“Yes!” Twilight growled, “How could you do that?!”
“Twilight,” said Applejack, “Would you mind filling us in?”
Excolotis sighed, “We slaughtered a few hundred griffin marauders, and tore down their eyries. I imagine Twilight is upset about the lack of mercy we showed back then.”
“I get it,” nodded Applejack, “I’ve had to get rid of a few vermin in my life.”
“A few vermin...” said Twilight, shoving away her friend, “What is wrong with you?! How can you talk about killing innocent creatures like that?!”
“Sometimes...” said Pinkie Pie, nudging the ground with her hoof, “You don’t have a choice. My dad taught me that.”
“Then your dad was wrong!” shouted Twilight, “It’s never right to take a life!”
“If my dad didn’t, I wouldn’t have grown up with a mom.” said Pinkie.
“Oh Pinkie...” said Twilight, “I didn’t...”
“Don’t say a word.” said Pinkie, her hair deflating and becoming straight, her neon pink coat darkening, “Not one word.”
“Does this often happen?” asked Excolotis.
“I’ve only seen it once before,” Whispered Applejack, “and it’s never good.”
“You grew up sheltered in a city,” snarled Pinkie Pie, “Personal student of the Princess, huh? When did you go hungry? Did you ever sleep huddled against the cold, sharing a bed with your sisters because you couldn’t afford the space? Did you ever have to work though rain, because if you didn’t, you’d lose the gem harvest?”
“Pinkie, I...”
“Not. One. Word. You don’t know hardship or anything like that. It’s nice that you have such morals, but make no mistake Twilight, it’s a luxury, and when the nearest guard is two days away as the Pegasus flies, a lot of things can, and do, go wrong. So why don’t you go live as I did, and when you have? Then you can say whether or not killing is needed.” Pinkie Pie stared intently at Twilight, before she began to stalk along the road to Ponyville, “And if you don’t mind, I have a party to plan.”
Twilight sat by the road, stunned into silence by her friends uncharacteristic outburst. “That was scary,” said Applejack, turning to face Twilight, “But Pinkie’s right. The world ain’t always kind, or fair, and bad things do happen.”
“I get that. I think I really do.”
“Okay then. Want something to drink?”
“Sure. Got any salt water?”
“...It’s three in the afternoon.”
“I know.”
“Broken down; ‘till your hope has died...”
“Applejack?” asked Twilight, “What’s that song you’re singing?”
“Huh!?” started Applejack, ‘Was I singing aloud? Sorry Twi, but I heard Excolotis sing it, and it’s been stuck in my head for a while now.”
“That’s alright,” said Twilight, tilting her head in concern, “But it seems a bit violent, doesn’t it?”
“Of course it’s violent,” laughed Excolotis, “it’s a song about how you’re going to get beaten to a pulp! What did you expect?”
“Heh, true that,” nodded Applejack, “But what’s it called?”
“You know, I’m not certain.” Excolotis began to rub the back of his helm with a mild scraping noise, “It’s been a while since I heard it played by a band.”
The three had decided to walk over to Rarity’s boutique, Excolotis getting strange looks. But by now word had spread about the black giant and how he meant no harm, scary though he may be; so apart from a few stares or nervous children, not much fuss was made.
Twilight was still uneasy about the truth she had learned about her teacher, but she was smart enough to realize that it was in the past, and while such an action would of have been hideous beyond all belief today; back then it was probably par for the course. That didn’t mean that she had to like it though, she was just thankful that such things were no longer needed. She wasn’t looking forward to apologising to Pinkie Pie though. The best thing might to give some distance for a few minutes, until Rarity had finished with Excolotis, then she’d head over to Sugar Cube Corner and apologise.
“Ah, Applejack,” smiled Rarity as she poked her head out of her front door, “have you finaaweaaaagh!” Rarity took one look at Excolotis and slammed the door shut.
Twilight knocked on the door, “Rarity, don’t be scared, he’s harmless.” Twilight glanced at the behemoth, “Mostly anyways... look, we just want your help in making something fancy for him to wear!”
The door cracked open an inch, “Promise?” asked Rarity, “He’s harmless?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, it that case,” Rarity opened the door and stepped out, “Let me apologise for my behaviour earlier, it was simply awful!”
“Oh, don’t worry about it;” Excolotis waved his hand, “I can be pretty scary at times.”
“Oh, quite alright, now come inside,” Rarity’s horn lit up as she continued, “And let’s see what we can do.”
With a slight creak, the front door of the boutique came off from the wall, taking a good chunk of wood and plaster with it. This left behind an archway that Excolotis could fit though if he ducked down a bit. Again, the building was extremely roomy, just enough for Excolotis to stand in, provided he was careful of where he put his head.
As Excolotis walked into the Boutique the chunk of wall slid back into place with a click, and Excolotis found he was inside a neat, organized store. Shelving stood off to one side, and in the middle was a podium with open access around it. Clothes mannequins with adjustable dimensions were stacked in a corner, where Rarity could work on outfits without needing her customers to stand around all day. To one side was a waiting area with books and magazines, where friends of customers, and customers themselves, could wait while Rarity finished up with what she was doing, which Applejack and Twilight promptly excused themselves over to; they knew better than to get in Rarity’s way when she was working. Excolotis was gently led to the middle of the store, where Sweetie Belle was colouring with her crayons.
“Oh hi, Excolotis!” said Sweetie Belle, “What are you doing here?”
“Oh nothing much,” Excolotis chuckled, “Just having my clothing brought back up to today’s standards. How about you, little one?”
“Oh, nothing much,” pouted Sweetie Belle, “I just got grounded. For finding you in the cave and all.”
“You did not get in trouble for that, Sweetie,” corrected Rarity, “You were grounded because you ran into a cave without telling any pony where you were going. Now, please head up to your room, I need to work.”
“Okay.” said Sweetie Belle, picking up her stuff and trotting through the doorway to one side. After a while, the clomping of something small hopping up stairs could be heard.
“Ah, well now,” said Rarity, lifting up a fold of black cloth from Excolotis’ tabard “what are you wearing? Black armour? Robes? While I can’t fault your colour choices, the deep violet really enhances the cloak by the way; surely you would like something more bearable?”
“Yeah, about that,” said Excolotis, “I’m more happy in my armour.”
“It’s not exactly something to wear to a party.” Smiled Rarity, “You’ll need something else.”
“Fine then,” Excolotis sighed. He reached up, and undid the straps on his gorget. Placing the curved piece of metal on the ground, he then slid the helm up and over his head, placing it under the crook of his arm. Underneath his helm, his face was defined, his chin strong. His skin was clear and tanned, plain flesh with wisps of fine hair covering his cheeks. His head was perched atop his neck, the face facing forwards, not unlike a Diamond Dog.
His chin was curved, the jaw bone clearly pronounced and separate from his neck. The nose was a separate organ jutting from the face; a good inch or so from between his eyes. His eyes were small and sunken into his skull, over shadowed by a brow, low and displaying two strips of thick fur. His ears were two discs of flesh to either side of his head, behind his nose. His mouth was two pink folds of fleshy lips, which parted as he sighed; showing sharp teeth for cutting.
The eyes themselves were hidden in pools of shadow by the lighting, and Excolotis squinted against the light, a flash of blue showing between eyelids. Atop his rounded skull was a large swathe of fur, the length of short grass and a deep brown, almost black.
“I’ve never seen a creature like you before,” breathed Rarity, “What are you?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” smiled Excolotis, “And if you want to know what I am, well, why should I tell you? Let me have my own secrets; after all, I don’t have an enchanting personality, and I need something to be interesting.”
“Oh, don’t say that,” laughed Rarity, “you’re wonderful company.”
“I have to admit,” said Twilight, “I want to know why you aren’t a pony. That’s been bugging me for a while.”
“Well,” Excolotis paused, and but his hand to his mouth, “Look at you. You have short legs, no opposable digits, or even grasping appendages; short fur, no real toughness or capacity to defend yourselves. I am not a Pony, because you are not suited to what I am. In your case, form defines function, but for me; function defines form.”
“That doesn’t make sense.” complained Applejack.
“Actually, I think it does.” said Twilight, “He’s an Athropermorthic Personification. Much like how Discord is the spirit of chaos, he’s a spirit of some force, or concept. And from what I’ve heard... Oh wow, why didn’t I think of that before?”
“Think of what?” asked Rarity.
“He’s War.” smiled Twilight.
“What!?” shouted Applejack, leaping to her hooves.
“I thought you said he was harmless!?” screamed Rarity, running for the stairs, “Sweetie Belle, get to Sugar Cube Corner, take the window!”
“Rarity...” called Excolotis, “That’s not what I want; I am harmless! Before you knew what I was, were you scared of me? Was I cruel? You invited me into your house, we chatted, and I made you smile and laugh. Am I really so horrible?”
Applejack nodded in appreciation. “That’s true.” She admitted.
“You’re war! Don’t even think about it!” shouted Rarity, “I’ve got a horn, and I know how to use it!” she crouched into a charging stance and made a few jabs with her head.
“Rarity, calm down!” cried Twilight, “He’s not a mindless butcher!”
“Rarity! What’s gotten into you?!” demanded Applejack. “Twilight! Run back to my place and get my rope!”
“I don’t want this,” snarled Excolotis, “But if you want a fight, I’ll give you one!” He reached out a hand, and dust began to pour into his fingers from the air around him; in moments a sword gleamed in his grasp, black as midnight.
“Rarity, calm down!” shouted Twilight, “Don’t fight! If you stop, Excolotis will stop!”
“He’s got a sword, Twilight!” snarled Rarity, “You call that peaceful?”
“You threatened him first,” Twilight pointed out, “If you just stop and think; no one’s going to be hurt! Is this what you want to be? An intolerant Pony who attacks when she hears about some stranger? Don’t you remember Zecora? He’s not a murderer, he’s a warrior!”
“Damn straight!” agreed Excolotis, “Let’s just calm down, that’s a good girl, or I’ll stick this blade into your chest and watch you bleed.”
“Not helping!” exclaimed Twilight, “Look, let’s just stop, okay?”
“Fine, then.” Excolotis dropped the sword, which dissipated into nothing before it hit the ground. Rarity got up from her crouch, and straightened her hair. Applejack still looked angry, but took a less aggressive pose.
A few moments later, the door burst open and a small group of ponies ran inside, Unicorns reading spells, Pegasus rustling their wings, and Earth Ponies stomping their hooves.
“Is everything alright Rarity?” asked the defacto leader: an aqua unicorn, “We heard shouting.”
“Oh, everything’s fine,” said Twilight, “Just a mild misunderstanding... oh hello Lyra.”
Lyra ignored Twilight, the aqua unicorn stepping forwards uncertainly. She opened and closed her mouth a few times.
“YES!” she yelled, jumping into the air and startling everyone crammed into the boutique, “Yes! Vindication! I knew it! Ha! I was right; suck it Octavia! Who’s the crazy mule now?!” Lyra began to dance happily, jumping back and forth on her hooves and shaking her head and rump from side to side. She stopped as an unpleasant thought struck her. “You guys do see that, right? The tanned, hairless skin and small eyes?” after general nodding, Lyra beamed.
“Ha ha!” she laughed, “I’ve got to tell Bonbon! She’ll never believe this, not in a hundred years!” And with that, she bolted out of the door. The other ponies followed soon after, muttering amongst themselves.
“Right...” said Excolotis, raising an eyebrow. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m putting my helm back on.”
“Uh, actually,” said Rarity, rubbing her foreleg, “I’d like to apologise for my behaviour. If you don’t mind, can we pretend that never happened?”
Excolotis sighed, “Fine, but what about Sweetie Belle?”
“...Oh dear.” frowned Rarity, “She’s probably halfway to Pinkie’s by now and scared out of her mind...”
“Don’t worry,” said Applejack, “I’ll go find her.”
“Right,” nodded Twilight, “and I’ll go check upstairs, she might still be here.”
Applejack galloped out the door, and Twilight trotted upstairs, leaving Excolotis and one very embarrassed Rarity in the Boutique. “So, uh, Excolotis,” said Rarity, “Could you take off the rest of your armour? I need to get your measurements.”
“...Fine.”
Applejack ran down the street, her hooves thudding on the dirt path as she looked for Sweetie Belle. Eventually, she spotted the young unicorn running down the street, tears trailing behind her as she ran as if the thought monsters were after her; which to be honest, she probably did. Applejack was a fast runner though, and easily caught up with Rarity’s sister.
“Hey now, girl,” she said gently, “Every thing’s alright now.”
“Applejack,” cried Sweetie Belle, hugging onto the farm pony for dear life, “What’s going on?”
“Nothin’ sugar cube,” Soothed Applejack, “Rarity just got scared something awful.”
“By what?” sniffed Sweetie Belle.
“Well,” thought Applejack, “Y’know how Excolotis can be mighty scary at times? Well your big sis thought that he was some scary monster, and thought that you might be in danger.”
“That’s true.” said Pinkie, her hair back to its puffy self, “being the Athropermorthic Personification of War can be a bit scary to us ponies.”
Applejack jumped into the air, and said a very naughty word. “Where did you come from Pinkie?!” demanded Applejack, “Didn’t your ma ever teach you not to sneak up on ponies?”
“She tried,” said Pinkie, “But she gave up after a while; as for where I came from? Well it all started long ago, when my dad fell in love with my mom...”
“Whoa, Pinkie,” interrupted Applejack, “Not that far back!”
“Sorry,” smiled Pinkie, “If you mean more recently, I was coming back from the bakery. I needed to apologise to Twilight about my grumpy grump earlier. I get a teensy bit upset about my time on the farm.”
“Wait...” Applejack furrowed her brow, “How did you know what he was?”
Pinkie put her head on an angle, and looked at Applejack under hooded eyes, a mild frown on her face as if to say; ‘Bitch, please!’
“Ah, right. Come on then, lets head over to Rarity’s and see what she’s up to.” Applejack started over, “Don’t know why we need all that froufrou stuff anyhow, he’s just fine with the armour and robes.”
“This is stupid.”
“It’s not stupid! It’s fashion!”
“Still stupid!”
Excolotis was jammed into a tight suit, the padded shoulders giving him a triangular look. He wore nothing on his feet. “I can’t even move in this!” complained Excolotis, “It’s like I’m wrapped in bandages! We need to rethink this.”
"But it looks so smart on you!” said Rarity, “It matches you perfectly!”
“Yes,” conceded Excolotis, “It does, but this is something I’d wear to a funeral, not a party! I need something smart, yet casual. And loosen it up a bit; I want to be able to move properly.”
“She’s not upstairs,” called Twilight, “she must of have jumped out the window. Nice suit!”
Rarity beamed.
“But isn’t it a bit much?’ asked Twilight, “He’s not going to the Grand Galloping Gala.”
Excolotis smirked, “Told you.”
“Oh, fine.” Said Rarity, “But you can still keep the suit.”
Excolotis beamed again, and began to wiggle out of the outfit.
Celestia flew up and around the clouds, looking for a familiar cyan Pegasus. She knew very well that she needed someone to keep tabs on Excolotis, and yet was fast enough to respond. If Excolotis had one flaw, he wasn’t very fast. While he could move faster than any pony at short range, he couldn’t keep up over long distances even though his immortality meant he was immune to fatigue; for the most part, he just ran Ponies into the ground.
After a few minutes of flying she saw the Weather Pony cleaning up some clouds. Despite what she would of have expected from Twilights letters, Rainbow Dash was hard at work. Taking this as an excellent opportunity to see what the Element of Loyalty was like, she settled down on a cloud to watch.
Rainbow Dash moved fast, blasting clouds out of the air according to her instructions. Occasionally, she would stop and pull out a piece of paper with the weather codes, give it a quick read, and set off again.
“Grid 3 to 8/H to k; no clouds,” Dash said, nodding at her work, ‘grid 2/A by grid 8/C by grid 1/Z; mild cloud... Light rain in all grids scheduled at 11:42 PM. Glad I’m on day shift... Princess Celestia!”
“Hello Rainbow Dash.” smiled the princess from her cloud, “I have a job for you.”
“This isn’t half bad,” nodded Excolotis, “What’s this thing called again?”
“A turtle neck,” said Rarity, “I thought it would look nice with the dinner jacket and pants.”
The new outfit was almost complete. The dinner jacket was made from a heavy, smooth cloth, dyed jet black. The pants were the same, while the turtle neck was made from slate grey wool. All in all, it was comfy, practical, stylish, and warm; perfect for the colder weather. Excolotis had explained the concept of shoes to Rarity, and she had decided to make black leather shoes, (similar to what you would call loafers) that fit snugly on his feet. Rarity still wasn’t satisfied, however; the jacket hung badly in some places and needed to be tightened up, the edges of the pants were frayed in some places, and all in all, the outfit was far from finished.
With a final flash of Rarity’s horn, the jacked snapped into a fine fit, and the ragged ends cleaned up.
Now it was finished.
“Magic...” said Excolotis, “Is there anything it can’t do?”
“Yes!” said Rarity, “It’s not all powerful, for instance, I can’t do half the things that Twilight can do. I can only do half of these spells because I excel at dress making!”
“Whoa, calm down girl,” Said Excolotis, holding up his hands, “There’s no need to fly off the handle like that.”
“Sorry,” said Rarity, “I’m just tired of all the misconceptions about magic. Pegasus and Earth Ponies? They always assume that we have all the answers, when we just don’t have all that.”
“Fair enough,” said Excolotis, “I’d like it if ponies would understand that I’m a warrior, not some crazed maniacal killer.”
“Actually,” mused Twilight, “What, exactly, is the difference? I know that there is a difference, but I can’t say I know the specifics.”
“Warriors have a code,” explained Excolotis, “Warriors don’t go looking for fights all the time, though we do respond to outside threats. We don’t start fights without good reason, and when we do, we have standards. We don’t attack for the sake of battle, we don’t hurt innocents if we can help it, and we understand the concept of surrender. Basically, warriors live in a violent world of grey morality; we are good creatures, but we know how to kill, and more importantly... when to kill.”
“Nice.” nodded Twilight.
“Thank you; now let’s go find Pinkie Pie.”
Twilight strolled along the town, Excolotis following in his new outfit. Many ponies turned to look at him as he walked; arcing eyebrows at him as he walked past. Some of them nodded at his outfit, appreciating good craftsmanship when they saw it, whereas others stared, or just went away to have a lie down. Rarity had elected to stay at the Boutique, having been rather ashamed of her actions, and asking Spike to take down a letter to Celestia.
Applejack had headed back to the farm to take care of a few things, make sure that everything was going along well.
“So, Twilight; what’s with that... what was her name again?”
“Lyra.”
“Ah, yes, Lyra, thank you.” Excolotis nodded, “What was with Lyra?”
“Well,” said Twilight, “she’s always believed that some sort of fantasy creature called a human exists, and she thinks that you are one.”
“Oh, but I am one.” Said Excolotis, “In fact, all of Ponydom is nothing more than a failed attempt to create a slave race so that mankind could live in luxury, free from menial chores.”
Twilight stopped in her tracks, and stared at Excolotis.
“In all actuality,” he continued, “If it weren’t for Celestia and Luna instigating a rebellion, you would still be under the servitude of your true masters.”
Twilight gaped at Excolotis. “But... I... Bwuh!?”
“Too easy,” smirked Excolotis, “I’m lying, Twilight!”
“Oh thank goodness!” breathed Twilight, “I thought you were serious for a second!”
“Oh no,” laughed Excolotis, “I got the whole story from a book.”
Twilight chuckled at that. “Oh look, we’re here, at Sugar Cube Corner. Where Pinkie works.” she said, “now comes the awkward part.” Her ears flicked against her head and she breathed in, then out; the prospect of walking into Sugar Cube Corner had her all nervous.
“I know how you feel, Twilight.” said Pinkie Pie, shifting the saddlebags on her back into a more comfy position.
Twilight jumped a good foot into the air, while Excolotis whipped round, crouched low and fists raised. “PINKIE PIE!” He yelled, “Don’t sneak up on me!”
“Sorry,” said Pinkie, ‘And Twi? I’m really, really, really sorry about my big grump. Friends?”
“Oh Pinkie,” sighed Twilight, “I can’t stay mad at you. And I’m sorry I was so insensitive, but I just can’t see how killing would be the only option. Not trying to be insulting here! I accept that it may be, but I don’t see how.”
“And I hope you never will.” said Excolotis sadly, straightening up from his crouch.
“Oh, that reminds me.” Chirped up Pinkie Pie, rummaging through her bags, “I was supposed to read this note out loud. ‘I’m really, really sorry about the long wait. Thanks for reading, don’t stop being the wonderful, intelligent, brilliant people that you are. Yours kindly, TheAussieBlue’”
“What the hay does that mean?” asked Twilight, “and who the heck is the Aussie blue?”
“Oh, the message wasn’t for you silly,” smiled Pinkie Pie, “it’s meant for THEM!” Pinkie waved her hoof in a general direction; north, in this case.
“Okay then,” said Twilight, shrugging off the strange behaviour, “so should we meet up later, say, the barn in two hours?”
‘Of course, silly,” giggled Pinkie Pie, “That’s when the party’s on!”
“This ought to be good.” smiled Excolotis, “Any advice for the party, girls?”
“Just act like you,” smiled Twilight, “a relationship based on lies will never work.”
“Oh!’ said Pinkie, “That ought to be in one of your letters!”
“It was.” smiled Twilight, before her eyes widened, and she clamped a hoof in her mouth.
“Uh, wait...” said Excolotis, “Letters?”
“Oh, yeah!” giggled Pinkie, “when Twilight...”
“When I first came to Ponyville,” interrupted Twilight, sticking a hoof in Pinkies face, “I was on constant contact with Celestia. I was her personal student after all. And I used to tell her nearly everything that happened in my letters. She practically raised me, after all!”
“Heh,” smiled Excolotis, “moving out from home for the first time always gets you nervous.”
“Exactly,” smiled Twilight, removing her hoof from Pinkies mouth, “Don’t you agree Pinkie?”
“Oh, of course,” Nodded Pinkie, “when I first went to Ponyville from the farm, I was really nervous. I was worried that nopony would like me, I was super nervous, and I wrote to my parents every day! Now it’s just once a week, tell them how I’m going, what’s new, that sort of thing.”
“So, we have an hour before everything’s ready, any ideas on what you want to do?” asked Twilight.
Excolotis shrugged. “Whom do I have left to meet?” he asked.
“Oh, well,” Twilight put her hoof to her lip and thought.
Fluttershy loved her animals. Being hired as the local wildlife expert was wonderful; ever since she had discovered the world below, she had always wanted to live with her new animal friends and care for them as she always wanted to. The tasks were always fun, and the warmth of seeing a wild animal return to the Everfree was one she always loved.
Her back yard was currently occupied by a cave bear which had come in with an injured back foot; Fluttershy was just taking off the bandages.
“Um... Okay, Mr. Bear.” She said gently, “could you please put all your weight on your hind feet?”
The bear nodded, and reared up, but its ankle was not quite healed as of yet, and it roared in pain with its fore paws in the air. Fluttershy began to stammer apologies, and slowly backed away so that she would not be crushed when the bear got back onto all four of its feet.
“Oh, no!” Fluttershy turned at Twilight’s cry, “Look out Fluttershy!”
Fluttershy opened her mouth to assure her friend that everything was alright, but flinched as a gargantuan behemoth ran past, with a weapon raised in its hands. Bellowing a ferocious war cry, the monster began to swing its terrible weapon in a swift arc.
“DON’T HURT HIM!” screamed Fluttersy.
Excolotis was already in mid-swing with his Zweihander when the cry reached his ears. He had come in to see a wonderful Pegasus called Fluttersy, when he had seen a butter coloured Pegasus being attacked by a bear. To his mind, only one solution was clear.
‘A bear is attacking an innocent. I will protect the innocent. The bear must be slain, as it is in the middle of an attack.’
But when the cry went through him, everything changed. He may not of have understood, but the buttery one had told him not to hurt the bear. So with a twist of his upper torso, Excolotis bent the angle and trajectory of the sword, sending it slicing across the dirt and grass. If it were not for his grip upon the handle of the blade, the Zweihander would have bounced across the garden, killing everything in its path; as it was, Excolotis knew that his wrists would be hurting for a few hours.
‘Oh, gods!” started Excolotis, ‘I’m sorry...”
“Oh! Um,” started Fluttershy, “you should be more careful, I... I mean, what if you’d hurt him?”
“God’s, that was completely my fault,” explained Excolotis, “I thought that he was going to hurt you.”
Fluttershy trotted up to the bear and soothed it, “Oh, It’s alright Mr. Bear, you’ll be fine,” she soothed, “Um...” Turning to Excolotis, she continued; “Wh... what made you think that he’d want to... to hurt me?” Fluttershy looked up at Excolotis, hiding her face behind her mane. She cringed as Excolotis turned to look at her, his face creased with worry. He could tell that the buttery Pegasus was terrified.
“Oh, well,” he said, taking a few steps back so as not to frighten Fluttershy, “I thought that when he reared up, he was going to attack you, so I tried to protect you. But I can see just how wrong I was. Can you forgive me?”
“Oh, well,” Fluttershy peeked out from under her pangs as she took the giant in, “If you’re really sorry, I don’t see why not...”
“That’s great!” Excolotis sighed, “Twi’, if you need me, I’ll be out front. I don’t want to hurt anything else; oh, and my name’s Excolotis. ”
“Fluttershy...” said the shy pony, sliding up to her friend for protection, like an oversized purple teddy bear.
Twilight stood with Fluttershy as Excolotis meandered past the house, and when he was out of sight, Fluttershy turned to Twilight; “Well, he’s not so bad.” She said, “In fact he seems a bit nice.”
“Nice, sure” snorted Twilight, “and don’t you go calling me ‘Twi’, the last thing I need is a nickname.”
“Oh, well, if it upsets you that much...”
“Sorry, Fluttershy,” smile Twilight, “I didn’t mean to snap.” she leaned in and nuzzled the buttery Pegasus, “but believe me,” she continued, turning to look at the house, “He’s very dangerous when angered. I don’t know what to make of him, but he’s not to be trusted yet.”
“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” muttered Excolotis, smacking his head with the flat of his palm in between each word, “I just had to go and ruin it didn’t I? Oh gods, I’ve fucked up! My only real hope... is that they’ll be forgiving. And the Zweihander? Why did I pull that out?” Burying his face in his hands, Excolotis took a deep breath and steadied his nerve, “Okay,” he sighed, bringing his hands down from his face, “it could be worse, I could’ve killed the bear instead, so it’s not so bad...”
Excolotis turned and saw a half blind mail pony stuff some letters into a feeding tray. “Excuse me, sir?” called Excolotis, “That’s a feeding tray! The mailbox is to your left. No, other left!”
“Thank you,” said the pony, “I’m always been a bid hard of sight.”
Excolotis nodded and watched the brown pony trot off along his route. “Why would they have a blind pony deliver the mail? How does he tell which letter is which?”
“He doesn’t,” sighed Twilight, “He keeps delivering the mail to the wrong houses. It’s a real pain.”
With her head hung low, Twilight moved up to Excolotis, Fluttershy a few steps behind her.
“I’m really sorry, Mr Excolotis, sir...?” Fluttershy said, hiding behind her mane yet again.
“Oh, I can’t blame you for that.” Nodded Excolotis, “You were just trying to protect that bear, and if I had been responsible for hurting the bear, I think you would of have been justified in giving me a few bruises.”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that!” gasped Fluttershy, “That’d be just cruel.”
“Well,” smiled Excolotis, “That’s nice...”
Twilight looked back and forth between them, before putting a hoof to the bridge of her snout in frustration. Excolotis was fidgeting around Fluttershy, scared that he’d upset her, while Fluttershy was so nervous about the giant that she wouldn’t peep out of her shell to interact with him.
“Fluttershy,” Twilight said gently, “Do you need any help with the animals? I’m sure Excolotis could use something to do.”
“Oh, well,” stammered Fluttershy, ‘I... I don’t know, um, the birds need feeding... and Angel’s getting antsy about the spring, so I need somepony to separate Angel from the bunnies, and I’m running low on meat...”
“Wait, what!?” Twilight stared at her friend, a look of incomprehension on her face, ‘You store meat?”
“Oh, well, yes...” explained Fluttershy, “The weasels don’t eat plants, and neither do the snakes and bears. I was supposed to get a delivery a few weeks ago, but I haven’t gotten any shipments lately.”
Excolotis though for a moment, “How important are these shipments?”
“I need them by tomorrow, or I’ll have nothing left to feed the carnivores...” Fluttershy hung her head, “The animals are at half serving as it is.”
Excolotis looked at the ground for a moment. “I think I know how to solve your supply problem...”
Excolotis worked at carving shafts of wood from spare lumber, while Fluttershy brought a few spare flight feathers from ducks and various other birds. Excolotis used a jet black knife to carve in notches, and Twilight brought over glue made from the stem and petals of local flowers.
“So, what are you doing?” asked Fluttershy, “and how will this get my meat shipment here sooner?”
“Oh, well,” said Excolotis, “As Twilight here probably knows, I can generate all sorts of weapons, but if there’s one thing I can’t do, it’s make things like arrows and what not. Moving parts are out of the question, and any projectiles will dissipate the moment I let go.”
“I didn’t know that...” muttered Twilight.
“So...” continued Excolotis, giving Twilight an arched eyebrow, “I can use my bow and these arrows; thank you Twilight,” taking the glue, Excolotis continued, “to get you the meat you need.”
“What!?” said Fluttershy, “That’s barbaric! I won’t let you!”
“Easy, easy,” soothed Excolotis, “Just let me explain myself and if you still disagree, I’ll put these away, alright?”
Fluttershy nodded, “Right then,” Excolotis smiled, “what I’m going to be doing is simply bolstering your meat supplies a bit, I won’t be running around shooting anything I see, but I’ll just be bringing back a deer or something, alright? Maybe a bunny or two if I can’t find any deer...”
Fluttershy shook her head, “No, we’ll just have to make do!”
At that moment, a fluffy white rabbit jumped up onto Fluttershy’s head and kicked her a few times. He shook his head, and jumped back down.
“Oh, what is it Angel?” asked Fluttershy. Angel pointed at Excolotis, and then mimed shooting a bow, then drew his paw across his neck.
“Oh don’t worry, Angel,” smiled Fluttershy, “I won’t let him hurt any of your forest friends.”
Angel shook his head, then pointed to Excolotis, mimed the bow again, then pointed to a weasel, then started acting as if he was eating.
“Oh,” Fluttershy’s eyes widened, “You want him to go out and... Hunt...”
Angel nodded.
Fluttershy frowned. “But we still have enough food...”
Excolotis shook his head, “Tell you what Fluttershy; let’s see what happens tomorrow. If the shipment isn’t here yet, I’ll go hunting.”
Fluttershy nodded her head, “I don’t like it,” she said, “But I don’t know if we have any choice...”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Excolotis agreed.
Fluttershy set out the last of the meat with a set of scales and weights, and gave Excolotis a list of instructions. “This is what you need to do,” explained Fluttershy, “These are the measurements,” a slip of paper was placed in Excolotis’ hand, “And the paper will tell you where to go, there’s a map on the other side, so don’t worry about that.” Excolotis nodded.
“Got it,” he smiled, “Anything else?”
“No,” said Fluttershy, “That should be about it.”
“Right, then I’ll be back in a bit.”
Excolotis took the pallet of meat and a pair of scales, and strode off to the predatory section of the facilities. Twilight took a bag of seed in her magic, and followed Fluttershy as she trotted over to the bird cages.
“So, Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “What did you think of Excolotis?”
Fluttershy squeaked and looked at Twilight, circling her hoof in the dirt, “Well... It’s not really my place to judge... I mean, it wouldn’t be very nice... I don’t want to spread rumours...” Twilight sighed, and smacked her forehead with her hoof as Fluttershy began to hide her eyes behind her mane, an old nervous habit that Twilight thought she had beaten.
“Fluttershy,” groaned Twilight, “I’m not asking you to spread nasty rumours or call him a bully,” Fluttershy looked up, and Twilight decided to press a bit harder, “I just want your opinion.”
“I really don’t think that it’s my place to say...”
“Fluttershy...”
Fluttershy sighed and took a deep breath, a sign that she was about to go on one of her rather rare tirades, “Well... He’s a bit crude, he uses violence as a first solution; he doesn’t really think things through.” Said Fluttershy, “While he does consider others views he’s used to seeing things through his (admittedly violent) world filter, and he doesn’t have an issue with killing. While he’s a good soul deep down, he’s used to living in a society that seems much more simplistic and brash than ours, so he’ll probably have trouble adjusting.”
“Huh.”
“Uh... I’m sorry if I was rude... um... was I interrupting? I’m sorry...” Fluttershy said.
“Oh, no...” smiled Twilight, “It’s fine. So, uh... the meat...”
“Oh!” Fluttershy, cringed, and looked down at her hooves. “I have to feed them that sort of thing from time to time... sorry... pl... please don’t hate me...”
“Oh, Fluttershy,” said Twilight, ‘Why would I hate you? You have to feed them, and it’s not like you harvest the meat yourself.”
“No, no I don’t.” smiled Fluttershy, leaning in for a hug, “Thanks Twilight.”
“Oh, that’s fine,” smiled Twilight hugging her friend back, “That’s quite fine.”
After they had helped Fluttershy feed the animals with Excolotis taking the largest of the beasts, the two had given their farewells, all three of them agreeing to meet again at the party later. Excolotis was still thoughtful, and had been staring off into the distance as they walked.
“What did you think of Fluttershy, Excolotis?” asked Twilight.
Excolotis said nothing.
“Excolotis?”
“She is... so gentle, and kind, and perfect.” Excolotis said, staring at the horizon, “But there’s steel in her voice. She is someone I would like to meet again and again, someone I wish I was more like.”
Twilight looked at the giant next to her is surprise. The concept of Excolotis wishing to be meek and small was a surprise to her. This giant had such strength, and walked with the confidence that she knew she lacked, and yet he wanted to be less? She had never come across someone who had wanted to be less, most just wanted to be more. Trixie, Gilda, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, even herself at one point; all wanted more power. But who would want to be like Fluttershy? Excolotis, apparently.
Twilight looked down at the road as she walked, deep in thought.
High above the town, Rainbow Dash glided upon the updrafts. It was no secret that she and pinkie were great friends, but what most didn’t know was that she loved Pinkie’s workplace for more than its sugary treats. Ever since Pinkie had moved out to make room for the twins, Rainbow had still been going there even when Pinkie wasn’t there during the day shift, making the more cynical ponies think that she was only interested in the bakery itself, and that the Cakes were a means to an end for her.
The few Pegasus who lived in Ponyville, however, knew different. To them Sugar Cube Corner had a more important purpose; the early updraft. Having the burst of warm air come up from the early baking meant that the Weather Patrol could get up in the air more quickly. This meant that the store was an impromptu meeting area when the morning crew were getting ready for work.
After the Cakes had twigged to what was happening, they had started to sell breakfast to the Pegasus waiting outside for their shift to start. This usually meant that the Weather Patrol ponies could sleep in a bit more, have a quick clean, flutter down to sugar Cube Corner, buy breakfast, work out the kinks, and then soar back up on an updraft that smelled like cookies.
Usually with a damp feather or two; Pumpkin hadn’t learned not to chew things yet.
Even now, Rainbow basked in the warm air that smelled of baking bread, and kept an eye out for the giant in town. Her eyes darted left and right as she glided off the bakery updraft and moved over the Daisy restaurant, using that updraft to keep her in the air more easily, circling as she went. This one did not smell as nice when she was full, but her stomach still growled at the smell of cooking foods. Most didn’t like the draft here, as it was greasy, and while it smelled even better when you were hungry, after a while you got a thin sheen of oil and grease on your wings, which was as unpleasant as all hell.
After getting a good few meters in height, Rainbow Dash drifted back over the town, using her wings as an impromptu paraglide to keep her in the air. Flitting back and forth, she began to make a final glide over the town; if she didn’t find what she was looking for, she was going to give up, and go hang out with Pinkie.
Her thoughts went back to earlier that day. While she didn’t like being a spy, she knew she had no choice...
“Princess, I... What is it?”
Celestia chuckled, “Don’t worry Rainbow Dash, you are not in trouble. I need you to do something for me.”
“Yeah?”
“There is a giant in Ponyville.” Celestia explained, “You’ll know him when you see him, but I need you to keep an eye on him. He’s dangerous, and I can’t let him run rampant. So I need you to come to Canterlot as quickly as possible if you get into any trouble, and raise the alarm.”
“But why me, asked Rainbow, “Why not a wonder bolt?”
“The giant will know if a wonder bolt is tracking him. You, Rainbow? You’re the weather captain, perfect for what I need.” said Celestia. “Do not fight him, just out run him. If you fight him, he’ll tear you apart. Literally.”
Rainbow swallowed, “You can rely on me, princess.”
Rainbow Dash snapped back to reality as she felt herself reaching the top of another updraft. Just as she was giving her last flutter over the town, she looked back at the Daisy, and saw Excolotis sitting at a table. Banking her wings, she went into a shallow dive, and began to cork screw.
“Would Madam and... Sir like to order?”
“Oh, yes,” said Twilight, “I’ll have a daisy sandwich and apple juice.”
The Daisy was an opened face house more than anything else, just one of a small chain that had stores in Manehattan and Canterlot. The owner of the franchise, Gold Coin, was a bit of a genius when it came to finances, and the staff of five ran a brilliant cafe that was a favourite of everyone. Come lunch time every day ponies would walk in for a meal, and on weekends the place was busier than ever with the young crowd that came here during breaks in shopping.
In fact, most young girls often came here on the way to Rarity’s boutique, the sound of laughter and valley girl phrases like: “Oh my gosh” and “I know, right?” or even “Then he said... then she said...” would flutter in the air, often making English teachers and the older pony folk wish that murder was legal.
Excolotis stared at the menu in his hands, pinched between this thumbs and fore-fingers. He did not bother to sit inside, deciding to sit instead at the table outside that barely came up to his calf, making him look like an adult sitting at a child’s plastic table. He snorted, and slouched in defeat. “Can I have five fruit salads?” he asked, “And a pitcher of water.” He started humming a slow tune; “...I find it kind of funny... I find it kind of sad... the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had...”
“Uh,” the waiter looked at Excolotis. The manager had been a bit nervous at first, but had quickly drawn Stylo et Plat aside to explain just how much of a business opportunity the giant was.
“Most ponies, ” Silver Scales had explained, “can only eat one serving, but that behemoth is five times taller than any pony in existence, he’s bigger than Celestia for sun’s sake, so imagine how much he’ll order. Make sure he’s happy! Your job depends on it... ”
Stylo et Plat nodded in resignation, “Very good sir...”
Stylo et Plat and Twilight started as Rainbow Dash landed with a thud and a gush of dirt. Customers muttered angrily as they sheltered their meals. Excolotis snorted and brushed down his jacket, and turned back to the table, scowling at the rude landing. Stylo et Plat frowned, and hurried off to take orders at another table, preferably far away from the rainbow maned tomboy who had ruined his coat.
“Rainbow Dash,” groaned Twilight, ‘How often do I have to tell you to watch the landings around food.”
“Yeah, sorry Twi...” said Rainbow, “But I was losing the updraft quickly, and I tucked the wings too soon...” Rainbow Dash stopped as Twilight looked at her, incomprehension writ across her face. “Sorry.”
“That’s fine,” Twilight sighed; holding up her hoof, Twilight pointed at the rainbow maned Pegasus, “Excolotis, this is Rainbow Dash, up and coming flyer and holder of the biggest ego in all of Equestria.”
“Hey!”
Twilights purple hoof turned and pointed at the crouched giant in the turtle neck and dinner jacket, “Rainbow Dash, this is Excolotis, ancient warrior god and probably the most dangerous thing alive. He’s a bit of an idiot.”
“What?!”
“That’s a bit mean.” Frowned Rainbow, ‘I know that was a bit of a jerk move I pulled, but still...”
Rainbow snorted and shook her head. “I suppose you do have a reason to be angry.” She turned to Excolotis, “so, you’re Excolotis, huh?” she asked.
“Yes.” He smiled, “and you’re Rainbow Dash.”
“You got that right!” she smirked, “I’m only the new up and coming flyer in Equestria!” she struck a pose, before fluttering her wings and flopping down on one of the seats.
“Yes, ego size of a planet. You were right, Twi.” Smirked Excolotis,
Twilight shot him a dark look. “Don’t call me Twi,” she said, narrowing her eyes.
“Oh what’s the matter Twi?” teased Rainbow, leaning forwards and putting both her hooves on the table, “Not liking your new nickname?”
Twilight groaned.
Before a new argument could break out, Stylo et Plat came past, holding up five fruit salads and one daisy sandwich, his horn glowing a pale blue as he deposited the dishes on the table. With another masterful pulse, a pitcher of water and a glass of apple juice floated down to land, along with two glasses.
Stylo et plat raised an eyebrow with millimetre precision as he stared at Rainbow. “Uh, can I help you?” asked Rainbow.
Stylo et Plat breathed deeply “What would Madam like to order?” he asked.
“Oh, uh,” Rainbow used her nose to flip open a menu from the table, and looked down the list. “I’ll have some hay fries, and a salad.” She smiled. Stylo et Plat crooked his eyebrow again, before walking off.
Excolotis stared at the fruit before him. “I’ve never seen fruit like this before,” he said, holding up a piece of fruit. “What is it?”
Twilight glanced at the fruit, before picking up her sandwich in a reddish glow. “It’s a cherry,” she explained, taking a bite out of her sandwich, “It groows een eewropa.”
“...what?”
“Sorree...” Twilight swallowed, “It grows in Europa; specifically in Prance and Deutschland.”
Excolotis popped the cherry into his mouth, before taking a bowl and tipping the whole contents into his mouth, cheeks bulging slightly as he chewed and swallowed. Twilight blinked, that would of have been a main course for a pony, but for the giant, it was barely a mouthful.
“This is brilliant,” smiled Excolotis, “You must be quite wealthy indeed to afford this!”
“It’s ... not that expensive,” said Rainbow, “Just a few Bits.”
“Bits?” asked Excolotis. ‘Back before... before we still used copper pieces. What’re bits?”
Rainbow sighed, and put a one Bit coin onto the table. “That’s a Bit.”
Excolotis boggled, “A gold coin! I underestimated your wealth! This meal must cost a fortune!”
Twilight giggled. “Excolotis, a Bit is about 0.02 copper pieces. Things have changed a bit. And this isn’t reserved for lords and nobles, but everyday ponies. In fact,” smiled Twilight, “in old Equestrian money, this meal cost me about seven coppers. And that’s including your fruit salads.”
“Huh.” said Excolotis, “I’ve never even heard of those countries.” He took the pitcher in his hand, and sipped from it. In his hand, it was no bigger than a mug.
“Prance has only been around for, oh, twenty one hundred years,” waved Twilight, “And Deutschland only existed for about twelve hundred.”
‘Heh,” smiled Excolotis, “I have much to learn.”
“I thought that you’d be taking this pretty badly.” Said Rainbow dash, cocking her head to one side, “It’s been... how long?”
“Four thousand years.” nodded Excolotis.
“Huh, really? So, anyway, I though that you’d be having trouble even understanding us, but you’re speaking Equestrian like a pro, and you’re not that freaked out. I’d ‘ve thought that by now you’d be all confused, like ‘what happened to the thatch’ and ‘why aren’t the houses made of mud?’”
Excolotis smiled, “The houses weren’t made from mud.” He said.
“So what were they made from?” asked Twilight, leaning in over the table.
“A combination of dung, straw, and clay.” Excolotis explained.
“Wait,” said Rainbow, “where did they get the dung?”
“You don’t want to know.”
Twilight though about what Excolotis had said, a hoof on her chin, before turning green and grimacing.
“So seriously,” demanded Rainbow Dash, “What was the dung from?”
“Let me put it this way,” said Excolotis, “there were no drains, pipes, or ditches. Ponies had to go somewhere. And not all of it went in a pit.”
“Wait, I don’t...” Rainbow’s eyes widened and she leaned back from the table, “Oh! That’s gross!”
“Oh, yes.” nodded Excolotis, “Though that was only for about thirty years. After a while, they switched to wood with clay on the outside to seal it. Though calling it clay was a bit generous; more like mud.” He shrugged, “Then they used proper clay about another forty years after that, and began to use bricks shortly afterwards with wood frames, though they still used lime washed clay to line the outsides. The homes got better as our infrastructure grew. The wisdom wasn’t lost, just forgotten. Thatch roofs came in ‘round about the same time as wood and clay walls, then in came tiling shortly after bricks.”
"Well, that wasn’t so bad,” said rainbow Dash, “but what happened to the old homes? Weren’t there ponies living there?”
Excolotis picked up another fruit salad bowl, and looked up, “What’s the average lifespan today?” he asked.
“About ninety to one hundred and ten years for mares,” stated Twilight, “and ninety to one hundred for stallions.”
Excolotis nodded, “Well, back then it was about twenty to thirty for mares and stallions. Does that tell you what happened to the ponies living there?”
“Yeah...” said Rainbow Dash, “But what about you? How did you do when Discord was around, he must’ve been pretty bad?”
“Well...”
“Ah, Excolotis, you shall be my most entertaining-“
“Foul beast! I shall grind you into dust!”
Whrunch .
“Hold now, warrior, I-“
“Feel my wrath!”
Thud .
“If you would-“
“Nyyyarrrgh!”
Thud! Whrunch! Crunch!
“I proved remarkably resilient to his mind games.” Excolotis smirked, tossing the fruit into his mouth. Twilight and rainbow dash looked at each other, Rainbow shrugging, and Twilight shaking her head.
Celestia walked through Ponyville, giving greetings to her subjects as she slowly walked. Some of them feared her, but that was normal, and Celestia didn’t mind. She knew that it was the fear of speaking to a superior, not the fear of talking to a monster.
If they hated her, now that was a different can of worms altogether, but the one thing that comforted her more than most things was the knowledge that most ponies thought as her as a caring, benevolent ruler. She may not always agree with their perception, but they did love her.
Celestia tightened around the eyes as her rump gave another twinge as the wind blew across it; but she hid it well, like she had done so for years now. Most were in so much awe of her, they looked without seeing. While this did mean that her subjects viewed her as a thing, a permanent feature, rather than an individual, it did make her duties easier from time to time.
As Celestia strolled over to her waiting carriage, she smiled in relief. It wouldn’t be long she was out of this town, and away from the inquisitive ponies. She prized her chariot more than anything, and made sure that the Pegasus team flying it was known for their dependability, and selective blindness.
As she stepped onto the brass plated wood, Celestia turned and faced the front, smiling as a yellow pony shifted in towards her. Thankfully, he waited for her signal.
With a grunt, the Pegasus pulled the chariot higher, and the yellow stallion leaned in expectantly.
Celestia waited before the town was out of sight, the citizens little more than specks before she discarded the tight control she had.
Celestia hissed as she hobbled onto her left fore-hoof, her right wing sticking out at an odd angle, the left sticking straight up. She cringed as her hind legs instinctively curled in to relive the pain; the doctor moving in to check on her back.
Celestia’s breathing became ragged and heavy, as the doctor moved his hooves around her wings, checking for damage and tearing. She whimpered as he checked the flight muscles around her chest with gentle prods.
The doctor looked up at Celestia, tears in his eyes; “Why do you do this to yourself?” he asked.
“Because I have to...” Celestia whispered, shuffiling onto her side, “If Excolotis went bad, we’d all be dead ponies walking.”
The four Gryphons stepped forwards. They wore armour; a breastplate, a face covering helmet, greaves and vambraces. Each of them had a heater shield, with a variety of cruel maces in their hands. They stood on their hind legs, balancing perfectly so that they could use their weapons and armaments. The leader stepped forwards, his mace over his shoulder as he looked around the barn. His gaze lingered on the banner welcoming Excolotis to Ponyville.
"Sie heißen diesen Mörder willkommen?” he said, “Sie sind alle Dummköpfe.”
“Excuse me,” said Fluttershy, “who are you, and what do you want?”
“We are rache made flesh.” sneered the leader, “And we want Excolotis.”
“I won’t tell you where he is.” said Pinkie Pie.
“Wir haben einen tapferen dummkopf.” smiled the leader, “And why not?”
“Because I don’t know where he is!” smirked Pinkie Pie.
“That will not be a problem; we will make him come here. Er interessiert sich soviel für seinen ponies.”
“So what’s with the language,” asked Rainbow Dash, “I thought that you wouldn’t be able to speak Equestrian.”
“Well that’s quite simple.” said Excolotis, leaning back on his stool.
The lunch had wound down, empty plated and bowls in front of the group. Excolotis had drained the water mug, and devoured all the fruit salad. Twilight had left the crusts of her daisy sandwich on her plate, having gently nibbled away all the bread and ingredients, while Rainbow Dash had not only eaten her salad, but had gone on to eat a tulip thick shake, devoured a raspberry tart, and had washed it down with a bottle and a half of a Griffin Hofbräuhaus beer; claiming that it was because she spent a lot of energy all the while.
When the waiter Stylo came by with the bill, he had done so with a flourish and a smile. Twilight had boggled at it, and Rainbow had paid off her share.
“What you’re speaking, let’s call it Late Modern Equestrian,” continued Excolotis “is rather similar to, ah... Early Modern Equestrian, which is what I spoke back then. Of course, it’s not as bad as Middle Equestrian, you’d never understand me if I spoke that.”
“So why not give us a try?” asked Rainbow, “We might be able to know what you’re on about!”
Excolotis shrugged, “Fine then. This is the Canterbury Tales, ‘bout, what... a good six or seven thousand before your time, during the Republic of Equestria.
Wan that Aprille with his sure-es so-tuh. The drewgt of march hath paer-said to the rowtuh, and bath-ed every vane in sweech liquor of wheech ver-too; of wheech ver-too en-jen-dred is the flu-er...”
“Whoa whoa whoa...” said Rainbow, “What the hay does that mean?”
“Oh Rainbow Dash,” giggled Twilight, “That was what they spoke back then. Translated quickly, it means: when fair April with his showers sweet, has pierced the drought of March to the root's feet and bathed each vein in liquid of such power, its strength creates the newly springing flower.”
“Well why not simply say that?” demanded Rainbow, “Why go on some long winded rant about it?”
“Because Rainbow,” said Excolotis, “I’m trying to prove a point. Modern Equestrian isn’t that different from what I spoke before I was sealed away, and as such I can understand it quite well.”
The argument would of have continued on for some time, if Appleboom had not at that moment decided to leap up on the table, “Excolotis! Ya gotta come quick!”
‘What’s wrong, Applebloom?” asked Twilight, “Where’s Applejack?”
“There’s some mean Griffins at the barn, and they’ve got mah big sis, and Granny, and Big Mac’ and Applejack told me to run as fast as ah could an’ go get help!”
“This is not cool.”
“Be silent.”
“We shouldn’t be doing this, we’re meant to be going after Gefürchtet, not some dweeb ponies.”
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and the apple family sat in a group not too far away. Applejack had a large gash on her face, a few of her teeth next to her in a pile. She wheezed on her back as Fluttershy tended to her. Granny Smith sat some distance away, a frown on her face as he looked at their captors. Pinkie Pie’s hair had deflated again, and the glare she was giving was enough to turn away the griffins when they tried to stare her down.
“Ich sagte sei leise, du ärgerliches geschöpf,” shouted the griffin leader, “wenn nicht, töte ich dich gleich hier!”
“Speak Equestrian you moron!” shouted the griffin, “To hay with this, I’m getting them out!”
The griffin took a step towards the ponies; before the leader took a smart step forwards and brought his mace across his former lackey’s head. Hard. The griffin went down with a sigh, the helmet rolling into a far corner. Her head feathers were white with a long bang sticking out in front, dyed purple towards the end. Her eyes were golden, and Fluttershy gasped as she saw who it was.
“Gilda,” she whispered, “What have you gotten yourself into?”
“Das ist was geschieht wenn du ungehorsam bist.” The griffin said, turning away from Gilda’s limp body, “Kein seien sie gute littile Dummköpfe und tun sie da ich zu sagen.”
“Chefmann!” shouted a griffin by the door, “Gefürchtet kommt. Er ist sehr groß! Er wird wie ein Steinrückständehaus errichtet! Es sind andere Schwächlingsponies mit ihm, und ich denke dass sie etwas vorhaben!”
“Wir werden folgendes machen.” said the leader, “Ihr zwei, Bleibt bei den Gefangenen, ich gehe heraus und spreche mit Gefürchtet."
The griffins ran towards the ponies, brandishing weapons and growling. Fluttershy scrambled back and Big Mac’ moved forwards to defend his family and friend. The leader simply cracked Big Mac’ across the face, sending teeth and blood splattering across the floor, while the massive farm pony hit the ground hard, his shredded cheek hanging off his face and leaking red fluid onto the sawdust floor.
The leader then grabbed Fluttershy by her fore-hoof and dragged her towards the barn door, Fluttershy screaming all the while until a crack to the ribs with the flanged mace stole her breath. Taking the breathless pony, the leader hefted her up and threw her through the barn door, causing the wood to splinter from the force. As Fluttershy hit the ground outside she heard Twilight shouting her name.
‘Why is Twilight here?’ Fluttershy thought, ‘Was she hurt too? Is this a dream...?’
“Und so die gefürchtete…” started the leader as he stepped after the broken form of a yellow Pegasus, “Heilige Scheiße, bist du groß…”
“Let her go!” shouted Twilight.
“He won’t.” said Excolotis.
“That... foul...” growled Rainbow Dash.
The barn sat on a flat stretch of land, a dirt path lined with apple trees leading away and splitting some fifty feet from the barn, one road leading to town, past the house, and another leading to the rest of the orchards. The griffon had Fluttershy pinned with a paw on the back of her head, his mace raised to strike at a moment’s notice. Almost thirty meters away, Excolotis, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight stared at the scene in front of them.
“So you are Excolotis,” smiled the griffin, “I will avenge my ancestors for your crimes!”
“That happened over three thousand years ago,” said Twilight, “Fluttershy did nothing, let her go!”
“I paid the price for what I did.” Said Excolotis, “Stop this. Du entehrst dich durch deinen Hass.”
“You foul dog,” said the griffin leader, “You are no more than a beast. You do not wear clothing; much like a hound does not sit at his master’s table. Take the clothes off.”
“Oh that’s too much...” fumed Rainbow Dash, “you come here, hurt our friends, and now you-“
“Rainbow Dash.” Excolotis interrupted, “Its fine. Twilight, take the suit back to Rarity.”
Excolotis reached up, and undid the buttons on his dinner jacket. He slipped his arms out and gently folded the jacket before giving it to Twilight, who took it with her magic. He pulled up his sweater, and slipped it over his head; joining the growing pile of clothes in Twilight’s magical grip. The belt came undone, and the pants. The shoes came last, placed gently on top of the pile.
Excolotis stood naked, his head bowed. “I have done what you wanted. Let her go.”
“Oh, but I have not yet begun.” the griffin smirked, “You are a mongrel, so you should speak like one. Bark, like the dumb beast you are.”
Excolotis clenched his fists but did as he was told, letting out a loud bark. “That is good,” laughed the griffin, “but you are not big dog, you are a weak, small, annoying dog! Yip like the bitch you are!”
Excolotis snarled, but did as he was told again, a loud yip echoing along the road. “He’s done what you wanted!” shouted Twilight “Stop this!”
“Oh, but the fun is only beginning,” said the griffin, “Let us continue. He sounds like hound, but he does not act like one.”
Excolotis thudded to his knees, letting his hands stop his torso from thudding into the dirt. He began to pant, and occasionally yipped, while Rainbow became even angrier at the cruelty and mocking laughter of the griffin.
“You JERK!” Rainbow lifted off at great speed, only to jolt to a halt as Twilight grabbed her tail.
“Rainbow, stop!” said Twilight, “We can’t do anything while Fluttershy’s in trouble, she’ll get hurt.”
Rainbow snorted and shook her head, hot tears running down her cheeks. “Twilight,” she said, “I’ll go get help.” And with that, she lifted off in the opposite direction, towards Ponyville.
Twilight turned away too, unable to watch as Excolotis debased himself for Fluttershy. But as she walked down the dirt path, she began to get an idea.
Rainbow Dash flew as fast as she could. The cyan Pegasus was a mean flier, and as the only Pegasus in over a thousand years to achieve a sonic rainboom three times, let alone once. She knew she was the fastest thing alive (Save for the Royal Sisters, of course). She left off another great burst of wind as she propelled herself even faster, letting her full wing power come into play.
She began to move even faster, her eyes beginning to tear from the speed, while Ponyville became a blur below her. After a while the town vanished to make way for green plains, and Rainbow’s destination, Canterlot, began to loom large ahead of her.
It was a three hour train ride to the royal capital, but while the train would clock in at 35 KPH, Rainbow could reach up to one hundred and twenty KPH when she was cruising across the distance, but this time she let loose and pushed herself to her top speed of one thousand, three hundred and thirty six KPH.
Or about five miles per three seconds.
While she was now moving at the speed of sound, a feat that could only be copied by the Royal Sisters themselves, the problem was that it could not be kept up for very long, and if she did keep it up, she would suffer wing cramps.
It took Rainbow a little under a minute to reach where she was going, the Guards moving up to try to stop her, but relaxing when they saw who it was. Rainbow Dash had become a celebrity after what she had done and the Guard sent up a Pegasus as quickly as they could.
“Lady Dash?” asked the white guard, “What seems to be the problem?”
“I need to see the Princess right away!” said Rainbow, “Where is she?”
“Princess Luna is currently in the green room, dealing with parliament.” answered the guard, “Celestia is in her study, which princess is it that you want to see?”
“Celestia!” shouted Rainbow.
The guard gave a curt nod, and flew off, Rainbow not far behind.
The thick doors muffled any sound, the oak acting as an effective sound blocker. The guard rapped on the wood twice, then waited for an answer. The door opened and Rainbow did a double take as a bald pony with mismatched eyes opened the door.
“Ah, the good lady Rainbow Dash,” he said, “I thought that I smelled egotistical showboating. And no young mare glued to your flank? Progress!”
“Yeah yeah, is the Princess in?” asked Rainbow, “I don’t have time to help a lonely Stallion find acceptance.”
“Please,” snorted the pony, “We all know you’d rather spend time with the young mares at the salon, get your hooves sucked clean.”
The two ponies stared at each other for a few moments before bursting out in laughter.
“Good to see you, Rainbow,” laughed Spider Script, ‘The princess is inside.”
“Sure thing Boss.” Rainbow said, “It’s been too long.”
The study was open and warm, the thick carpet swallowing Rainbow’s hooves as she walked towards the desk. The walls were covered in book shelves, tomes on history, law, and regulations covering nearly every shelf. Many of them had been pulled out and put back many times, on some of them the leather was so worn that the titles had become nearly unreadable. Celestia had simply used permanent ink to write out the words again, making the royal Librarians extremely angry.
The desk itself was a deep red hard wood. A segment of the desk had a length of worn, threadbare green felt installed, which was barely visible beneath the mounds of paperwork. Yellow files were piled as tall as Rainbow. It was a desk made for work and nothing more, making the crude clay penholder with ‘στην καλύτερη αδελφή’ crudely painted on stand out in an extreme contrast.
Behind it, visible between twin peaks of paper work, Celestia sat in a chair, looking at Rainbow with a slight frown on her face.
“I had expected it to be longer than that.” said Celestia, “What has happened?”
“Some griffins have showed up,” said Rainbow, “and they’ve started to torment Excolotis. They seem to know him, and they’ve got Fluttershy hostage!”
Celestia eyes widened, “That’s something I feared. Luna can help you; I’ve got to handle things here and send a few messages out. I think she’s in the green room. Grey Feather?”
“Yes, your highness?” said the Guard, snapping to attention.
“Take Rainbow to the green room.” Celestia instructed, “And if you are stopped, use the command phrase Double Take.”
The guard paled, “Yes, your majesty.”
“Wait, what’s Double Take mean?” asked Rainbow
“Miss Dash, Please come with me.” said the guard, putting his hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder.
The two of them trotted out of the study and down the hall, the guard leading the way.
“What does Double Take mean?!” demanded Rainbow.
“Command phrase,” explained the guard “Means to prepare for trouble. Below that is Fade Out, what we spend most of our time at, and then it goes up to Round House, then Fast Pace, then Cocked Elbow. Cocked Elbow was last used when Discord returned.”
“So how can Luna help, and why isn’t Celestia helping?”
“Celestia has her limits,” explained the guard, “and Luna is the only other one who can handle this. So... You know who that bald pony is?”
“Ah, yeah,” smile Rainbow, “He’s my old boss; I used to help him around, pull his chariot for him. He’s a moral vacuum, but you couldn’t ask for a more loyal friend.”
“I can’t see anyone working for him.”
“Yeah, well I got my brutal honesty from him, and my sense of loyalty. If it weren’t for him, I’d probably never be a bearer of an Element.”
“Hold on, My Lady,” said Grey Feather, sticking out a hoof, “we’re here.”
The door to the Green Room was a simple black wood and iron affair, the equestrian flag picked out in bronze on the front. The raised voices of ponies could be heard beyond it, with an occasional rap of a gavel, and a cry for order.
“Please wait here, Lady Dash.” said Grey Feather. He opened the door and went in, leaving Rainbow Dash in the hallway.
Rainbow dash huffed, and began to examine her surroundings. The hallway was made from the same white marble that was so common in Canterlot. Rainbow Dash had heard once that the whole city sat on top of a massive deposit of the stuff, and that it had been the cheapest building material, right next to stone, which made sense to Rainbow. Why haul wood a massive distance when the stuff you need is right there?
She began to fidget, and rolled her wing joints, wincing as they popped and cracked. Rainbow Dash spent her life on the edge; the idea of sitting still and doing nothing chafed at her, and the whole situation back at the barn made her feel helpless. The concept of leaving Fluttershy to her captors left a bad taste in her mouth.
Eventually, the door opened, and Luna stepped out; a gavel floating behind her.
She wore a black robe, the cloth hanging from her and covering nearly everything, leaving only her tail poking out. Perched upon her head was a long powdered wig, the whole thing framing Luna’s head in twin falls of white curls. She turned to look at Rainbow, head low and eyes hooded, “What has happened this time?” she asked, “Is there some sort of bizarre emergency that has gotten completely out of hoof because Twilight has been too much of a coward to ask for help?”
“Uh, no, your majesty,” said Rainbow, “It’s Excolotis, he’s in trouble!”
“Is he in trouble because of the actions of others, or is his trouble caused by himself?” said Luna.
“...its griffins?” said Rainbow after a moment.
Luna sighed, and shook her head. Luna blinked and the robe and wig vanished in a pulse of ultra violet light, leaving a harassed and tired Luna flapping her wings once or twice. “Very well, Rainbow Dash. Let us go and get the God of War out of trouble.”
Twilight snuck behind the barn, listening closely for any sort of noise. At times like this, she was thankful for the sensitive hearing that all ponies had, and while Pinkie Pie may of had once decided to play her drum set at one hundred and thirty seven decibels she could still hear very well.
Her ears flicked back and forth as the sound of arguments reached her.
“Warum schützen wir hier die Gefangenen?”
“Hast du gesehen was er ihr angetan hat? Gilda verdient das nicht.”
Twilight crept closer to the barn wall, trying to find a hole or gap she could peek through.
“Wir können ihn nicht verärgern, dazu stecken wir viel zu tief mit drin. Wir können aus dieser Geschichte nicht mehr raus”
“Er ist geisteskrank, er wird und gefangen nehmen. Oder töten. Gefürchtet soll nicht angred. Erinnerst du dich an die Geschichten, was er getan hat?”
Twilight crept closer to the wall, but as she glanced over it, she knew that Applejack had done her job too well. If there was one thing that the Apple family knew, it was running an orchard, and that meant that there were no peep holes into the barn.
"Wenn eine Prinzessin auftaucht könnten wir uns schlimmeres ersparen indem wir aufgeben und ihnen alles erklären, dass wir nicht mit dem Plan einverstanden waren und nichts damit zu haben wollten, meinst du nicht auch?"
"Nach den Legenden sehe ich nicht die gefürchtete hören zu Ihnen aber, warum wäre es nett zu uns." "Gilda könnte gut sein, aber wir nicht."
Twilight focused her magic, and the barn wall became transparent. The Apple family were huddled in a corner, Applejack still unconscious, and Big Macintosh had a strip of sack cloth holding his face together. Blood still dripped from it. Pinkie Pie held Granny Smith close as she stood over her granddaughter and tried to keep her safe.
Four ponies, two of them injured. That was not that difficult for Twilight.
Again, she focused her magic, a light shining from her horn as he began to cast another spell.
“He, littile horse, can help you us?”
Twilight jumped, releasing the magic in a fizzle as she whirled around. The two griffins, which should of have been keeping guard, were right behind her. “You won’t hurt our friends!” Twilight said.
“I would not like to injure your friend.” said the griffin, “This is from our control. We do not like this at all.”
“Then why did you try to hurt us?” demanded Twilight, “You came here, and took my friends hostage. Why did you do that?”
“We wanted to injure Gefürchtet.” said the other griffin, “But our leader is spirit ill. It is dishonourable and innocent ones damaged.”
Twilight blinked as she translated what the griffins had said, then frowned as she planted her hooves in the dirt.
“Then let me get them out of danger.” said Twilight. Once more, she prepared her teleportation spell. With a flash, the Apple family appeared next to Twilight, blinking as they tried to comprehend what had happened.
“Thank you, Twilight.” said Granny Smith, “For a moment there I thought that we were in real trouble.”
Well, were not out of it yet,” said Twilight, “we still need to rescue Fluttershy.”
“And what is that Ex-co-lot-is feller doing?” asked Granny Smith.
“Embarrassing himself so that Fluttershy doesn’t get hurt.”
“Still one indication of our leader mental disorder.” said the griffins.
“I don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing,” Granny Smith said to the griffins, “but I recognize regret when I see it. This got a bit out of hoof didn’t it?”
The griffins hung their heads in shame, and nodded.
“We need to get Fluttershy out of danger,” said Twilight, “We can worry about these two later.”
Princess Luna sped along in the air, Rainbow Dash struggling to keep up. As Luna pumped her wings with a great crack, the air in front of her began to distend as she reached the sound barrier. Flight muscles straining, Rainbow Dash beat her wings even more furiously.
“So what’s going to happen?” asked Rainbow, “Are we going to have to fight?”
“If I know Excolotis,” said Luna, “And I do, we probably won’t have to do much. Probably just bury some bodies.”
“You can’t be serious!” shouted Rainbow, struggling to be heard over the wind.
“I am. If Excolotis is attacked he will not hesitate to destroy his foes, ripping them limb from limb. Literally.”
The trees and mountains became but a blur, and the wind began to wet Rainbow’s eyes as she kept pace with Luna. Luna, on the other hand, was barely breaking a sweat, her graceful wings moving with strong beats.
The trees gave way to thatch and tile roofs in a flash, then for a split second it turned into dirt and trees, then with a tremendous crash Luna impacted right in front of the barn, between Excolotis and Fluttershy.
A moment later Rainbow thudded into the grass and slid a fair distance before she came to a halt, bumping gently against a tree.
The griffin leader scowled, and hoisted up Fluttershy. He held her tightly by the scruff of her neck, keeping the Pegasus between him and Luna.
Luna glanced at Excolotis, still on all fours, before turning her attention directly to Fluttershy and her captor. The griffin tensed, and began to move around the side of the barn, Luna keeping pace with his scuffing paws.
Twilight led Pinkie around the back of the barn, the whole group tense at the idea of combat. Pinkie was still flat and dark, and had found a knife which was now tightly clenched in her teeth. Twilight was still nervous about that, and had tried to convince Pinkie to leave it behind, but the dark pink pony had flatly refused. The look on her face was scaring Twilight, and she didn’t know what to make of it.
As they moved along the wall as quietly as they could, the griffin leader backed around the corner, holding a limp body in front of him. Twilight couldn’t see who it was, but from this angle she knew it was a pony. As the griffin backed towards them, Pinkie took a running leap towards the griffin, knife glinting in the sunlight.
Luna moved around the barn, determined not to let the griffin and Fluttershy out of her sight. She was quite fond of Fluttershy, and though she was quite timid, Luna found it impossible to hate the buttery Pegasus.
Luna began to charge a spell, but stopped as a pink blur leapt onto the griffin.
Pinkie Pie leapt up onto the griffins back, and wrapped her froe legs round his throat. With a twist of her neck, she sent the knife plunging into the griffin’s wind pipe. The griffin’s reaction was immediate. He dropped Fluttershy, who landed with a thud, and staggered backwards, Pinkie Pie still clinging to his back. With a growl, Pinkie drew back and let the knife slide out with a wet slick, before plunging it back into the throat.
Twilight couldn’t believe her eyes. “Pinkie stop!” she shouted.
Pinkie Pie heard her, flitting her eyes to her and back. She drew out the knife again, and pushed herself back from the griffin, doing a backwards roll as she landed on her hind hooves. She came to a stop with a thud directly behind Twilight; blood matting her hair to the side of her face and her right eye squinting against the red fluid.
The griffin staggered against the barn wall, claw scrabbling for purchase as his other claw was pressed against his throat to stop the bleeding with littile success. He coughed up a red splatter, and began to hobble away from the ponies. Before long he fell onto his front again, weapons dropped and ignored beneath him.
Twilight chased after the griffin even as he scrabbled away on three legs, before falling over.
“Just stay still,” said Twilight, “And I’ll try to stop the bleeding!”
She concentrated with her horn, and the flesh of the griffin’s neck began to knit, the blood flow shuddering to a halt.
“I’ve stopped the bleeding, so you should be fine now,” breathed Twilight.
“Twilight?” said Pinkie Pie, “That was a lethal wound. He’s dead.”
“What?” said Twilight, “No he isn’t, I healed the wound...”
Pinkie took a limp claw in her mouth, before dropping it with a thud. “I’m sorry, Twilight,” she said, “But he died of blood loss before you finished.”
“But...” said Twilight, “But I stopped the bleeding...”
It wasn’t long before Law Ponies had arrived, peaked caps upon their heads and belts around their middles; seven of them all total, two of which pulled a large enclosed cart with bars on the doors. They had been taking statements for the better part of an hour, and had told no one to leave.
“These are the Griffins that kidnapped you?” asked a sergeant, two other officers holding them in place.
“Yes,” said Granny Smith, “Them’s the ones, but they seemed mighty scared of that dead fella over there, I think he bullied them into doing it.”
“We’ll take that into consideration ma’am.” said the officer, before placing a heavy hoof on each griffin’s shoulder, “I arrest you, under charges of assault, illegal imprisonment, aggravated assault, assault with a weapon, and trespassing upon private property. More charges may be placed at a later time. You have the right to a magistrate, if you cannot afford one...”
“I’m just glad that’s over.” said Fluttershy, "I can’t imagine why someone would be as mean as to do that.”
Gilda was wheeled past on a gurney, an officer and a nurse next to her and leather bands holding her down. “There’s no need for that, surely?” said Fluttershy, “She tried to help us, and that’s how she got hurt.”
“She’s still unconscious,” said the nurse, “So she can’t say anything, but the officer here asked that I put her here because she’s still a suspect.”
Another officer was dabbing at Pinkies face with a wet cloth, “Are you alright, Pinkie?”
“Yeah, I’m fine Brass Bars,” said Pinkie, “It’s not my blood.”
“You mean you...?” said Brass Bars, pointing to the shrouded body, “You’re the one who killed him?”
“Yeah.” said Pinkie, hanging her head and sniffling, “I’ve never had to do something like that since I came to Ponyville. I wish it’d stayed that way.”
“Hey, c’mon now.” said the officer, “It’s over now, and you did it to save Fluttershy, right?”
“Yeah...”
Luna waited patiently as Excolotis did up his belt. “I do not understand why you behaved like a hound.” she finally said.
“It’s rather simple.” Excolotis said, “If I did not, he would of have hurt Fluttershy.”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t just kill him,” snorted Luna, “That seems a bit more like your methods.”
Excolotis sighed, “I made my last mistake when I lost my temper, and these ponies nearly paid the price. I don’t want to do something like that again... I’ve caused too much pain as it is.”
“Hey Twilight, are you okay?” Rainbow Dash asked, “You’re kind of quiet.”
“Applejack and Big Macintosh just went to the hospital, Fluttershy has a bruise on her chest, and I just saw Pinkie kill a griffin.” said Twilight, “I really don’t think I’ll be jumping around for joy.”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow, rubbing her fore-hoof, “Things got a bit crazy there. But I think that it’s all something that just happens. Griffins can hold grudges for hundreds of years.”
“So they’ll be more?” said Twilight.
“No,” said Rainbow, “These guys were idiots; we should be in the clear. If you want, we could all go up to my place. I can make those cloud walls harder than stone if I hit them just right.”
“Isn’t it a bit small?’ asked Twilight.
“No, I can make it twice as big in a few hours, I’d be more than happy to do that.” said Rainbow, “I’ve always had your back, Twilight. Except for that time Discord hypnotized me, but that wasn’t fair.”
“Thanks, Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight, “It’s good to have a friend like you.”
“Heh, damn right.”
After Applejack had gone off to the hospital, along with her brother, the remaining mares decided to meet up with Rarity and explain what had happened. Excolotis had decided to stay behind and try to sort out the mess once the officers were gone.
Fluttershy had some bruising on her chest, and tried to walk a bit more gently, the others keeping to her pace so that she would not be too badly hurt as she walked. Twilight had red eyes, still fresh from tears. After the initial shock had worn off, she had spent a good five minutes crying while Rainbow held her tight.
Pinkie Pie was still in her depressed state, slowly moving along behind the others, face glued to the ground. They had stopped to get something to eat, but all of them had eaten very littile, Pinkie Pie eating almost nothing.
After their early dinner, they had continued on to Rarity’s, the sun setting and casting an orange glow over everything.
The boutique itself was still open, with a pair of young ponies standing out front.
As Fluttershy approached, the two peeled themselves off the wall and ran forwards.
“Like, oh my gosh!” said the younger, “Aren’t you, like, Fluttershy?”
“Oh, um, yes.” said Fluttershy, nodding quietly, “I am, uh, and you are?”
“Oh, my name’s Beehive.” Beehive was a young Mare, only a bit younger than Pinkie herself. Her cutie mark was of a beehive, and she had a beekeepers jacket on, but without the hood or pants.
“And I’m, like, Hair Snips.” said the other. This one had her hair done back in a pony tail, and her cutie mark was that of a comb and spray bottle.
“Oh, well it’s a pleasure to meet you,” said Fluttershy, “But me and my friends wanted to talk to Rarity, so if you don’t mind, we’d like to go inside.”
“Oh, that’s fine,” said Beehive, “Feel free.”
The four mares went inside the boutique, and almost jumped right back out as Rarity seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “Oh good heavens!’ she said, “Whatever happened to you?”
Pinkie Pie jolted out of her funk as Rarity looked out of the door, and grabbed on to her tightly, letting her tears come freely. Rarity herself was taken aback, but let the Pink pony hold on to her tightly. She shushed Pinkie, and gently rubbed her back.
“Rarity, where’s sweetie Belle?” asked Fluttershy, “we need to talk to you, and this isn’t something young fillies should hear.”
“Sweetie Belle’s with my parents,” said Rarity, “What’s wrong?”
After Pinkie Pie had cried out her last, they had settled in the centre of the boutique, Rarity having found cushions for all her friends. Pinkie Pie had returned a bit more to her normal self, though her hair still slightly flat. Twilight had become a bit more alert to her surroundings, and Fluttershy was still nursing her bruised ribs, Rainbow holding her around the shoulder, providing what comfort she could simply by being there.
The explanation had gone on through the night, and at the end of it, Rarity was struck nigh speechless. “I can’t imagine what you went through...” said Rarity, “Applejack’s in the hospital... Fluttershy held hostage... and all for Excolotis...” Rarity floundered, her mouth opening and closing before settling on: “Why?”
“Do you remember what the griffins called him?” said Rainbow.
“Yeah,” said Pinkie, “Gerfoochet, or something, wasn’t it?”
“It’s pronounced Gefürchtet,” said Rainbow, “and it roughly translates to The Feared, or Dreaded.”
“Then it was all over Excolotis?” said Twilight, “But anything he did was over three thousand years ago!”
“If there’s one thing about griffins,” said Rainbow, “they have long memories, and they keep grudges for hundreds of years. Whatever Excolotis did, it would have to be pretty bad for them to hold a grudge for three thousand years even though he’s been punished already.”
“How do you know all this?” asked Rarity.
“You remember Gilda?” asked Rainbow Dash, “She told me a few things about griffins. She might’ve been born and raised in Cloudsdale, but her grandparents were as Deutsche as any other griffin.”
“Somehow,” said Twilight, “I think that whatever happened has something to do with Excolotis. I think it’s time we asked him a few questions about what happened exactly.”
“Yes,” said Fluttershy, “But I’m just thankful that the griffin that was behind all this is in jail.”
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; you make me happy, when skies are gray. They’ll never know how, much I love you. So please don’t, take my sunshine away.”
“I’m not a littile filly anymore, dad.”
“Mares never grow up to their fathers; they stay littile fillies running around in the mud, with snotty noses and scraped knees. Now goodnight, Diamond Tiara.”
“Tell me about mom.” said Diamond.
“Alright,” said Filthy Rich, “She was a smart, wonderful Mare. Her coat was the colour of gold, and her mane shone like polished brass. She had a kind smile, and she was always there for others. She may not have been the prettiest mare, but to me, she shone brighter than all the stars in the sky.”
“Goodnight Dad.”
Filthy Rich nodded, and leant down and kissed her daughter’s head, before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him.
Every time he walked into that room, his world turned bright and pink. Come rain or shine, he always made sure that Diamond tiara was in bed by eight ‘o clock, with a glass of milk and a bed time story. If he was busy with paper work, well that could wait an hour. If there was a meeting running late, he would excuse himself and read the minutes later.
His daughter came first, and nothing would stop him from being home at seven ‘o clock.
Everything he did was for her, and he knew that it was all worth it, just to see her smile.
Filthy trotted down the hall of his house, his hooves clattering on the white wood floor. He stopped by a photograph of his deceased wife, Pish Posh. The photo was taken at a society dinner in Canterlot, on their second anniversary. Her smile was calm and knowing, and she wore a fine dress and a large hat. Filthy took the picture from the wall, and held it close to his chest.
“I wish you could see your daughter,” he whispered, “She’s got a ways to go, but she’s becoming a fine young mare.”
Filthy sat in the hall, eyes closed and both fore-legs holding the framed photo tightly.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “But if I do this right, no pony else will have a loved one taken away by those beasts. I miss you, and I wish you were here again. I think I’m headed the wrong way, but I don’t know what else to do... I don’t want our daughter to grow up in a world like this.”
Filthy sniffled, and let his tears hit the floor. He sat there for longer than he should have, before taking the photo graph in his mouth, and continuing down the hall way. He walked up to an oaken door, and put the photograph in a hallway table drawer.
“You shouldn’t have to see this.”
Filthy Rich squared his shoulders, and walked through the door.
The inside was dark, heavy curtains closed over the windows and a table set in the middle, three chairs arranged around it. Prince Blueblood sat on the left, nursing a glass of cider. He glanced up as Filthy walked in, but quickly settled back down. “We should wait for our third member.” he said.
“I can’t believe you’d do this,” said Filthy, sitting down, “I thought that you and your auntie got along famously.”
Blueblood breathed deeply. “Auntie sees the good in everyone, even where there is none to be found. She tries to be kind to everyone, but she doesn’t understand the harshness of reality. Equestria has become weak under her rule; too polluted.”
“Not the whole ‘lesser races’ thing again...”
“What else are they?” said Blueblood, “She lets in griffins and zebras and all other sorts. Mules and donkeys, pah! Equestria used to be proud, we didn’t need these foreigners. We’ve become too dependent upon other empires; it’s time we stood on our own!”
Filthy raised his hoof, “Mind keeping it down,” he asked, “My daughter is trying to sleep.”
“Sorry.”
“There was a recent incident with griffins.” said Filthy.
“Yes, that was... interesting.” said Blueblood, “A few more of that, and we’ll have our war.”
“Grab the mob by its heart strings, that sort of thing?”
Blueblood nodded, and took another mouthful of his cider. “Pity that the Apple family got involved, but sacrifices must be made.”
Filthy set his jaw.
“That Applejack may have saved Equestria,” continued Blueblood, “but she shouldn’t get ideas ahead of her station. Have a nice fat pay check, and we’ll call you when we need you.”
“Ideas above her station...” said Filthy.
“She’s just a common farm pony; she should stay with farming, not this whole, high society thing.” frowned Blueblood, “It’s almost as bad as this Rarity; just a dress maker and she has the gall to call herself a lady? If she’s a lady, then I’m a banana.”
“Listen, you stupid...”
“Hey everypony, hope I’m not too late!”
Blueblood groaned and took another gulp of his cider, while the new comer bounded into the room. The earth pony was running to fat, easily hitting obese, with his chest and flank wobbling like a tub of jelly stretched into a sausage skin. His fur was a deep, chestnut brown and his mane was long, dark and unkempt. His cutie mark was a simple factory, and it stretched and pinched as the rolling folds of fat juggled with every step.
This was Horsefly, the factory monopoly pony; steel and iron magnate.
“So sorry I’m late, everypony,” he said, dabbing at his multiple chins with a silk handkerchief, “I’m afraid that a meeting with the unions ran a bit too long. Those blasted rapscallions were on about, pay rises and OHSA compliances... Pish and tosh, I do that sort of thing, don’t I? The law is quite clear.”
“Yes, but I rather feel that the problem is that you pay minimum wage,” said Filthy.
“Not to mention that I have heard stories about the conditions...” said Blueblood, “I think that heat exhaustion is rather common?”
“Well it’s hardly my fault that it gets so hot in the smelters...” said Horsefly, pulling up two chairs, “And if they don’t like my work... why they can just leave! No pony is forcing them to work, after all.”
‘Don’t you provide employment for... oh, 20% of the population in the poor districts?” asked Filthy, “I don’t think that there’s any other option.”
“My point exactly.” laughed Horsefly, his jowls flapping as he giggled.
Filthy and Blueblood shared a look.
“Well then,” said Blueblood, “I take it that the... agitation of the griffin workers was a success?”
Filthy blinked.
“Oh yes,” said Horsefly, “It was really rather simple. Just mention the description, and they’ll fall over themselves to avenge their ancient tribes. Bunch of savages if you ask me.”
“Didn’t quite work though,” said Blueblood, “Instead of doing what he does, Excolotis simply embarrassed himself. He was hardly the fearsome warrior from Auntie’s tales.”
“If memory serves...” said Filthy, “Doesn’t he care about the innocent? He’s hardly going to start a fight if some young idiots annoy him. Last time... well I’d rather not talk about what set him off last time.”
“Oh, yes...” said Blueblood, “That they could sink so low... well Excolotis just flew off the handle...”
“I’m sorry,” said Horsefly, “What did the griffins do, exactly?”
Filthy and Blueblood both turned green. Filthy shook his head, and looked at the table, tracing a knot hole with his hoof, while Blueblood opened his mouth and closed it again, shaking and bobbing his head as if he was trying not to vomit.
“Well, that’s kind of beside the point...” said Horsefly, “so to get our war, we need to set him off, big time. But we also have to get the ponies on our side...”
“That might be easier than it sounds,” swallowed Blueblood, “Most nobles feel the same way we do, it’s just that Celestia’s tolerant policies make it so that they don’t do anything about it.”
“I think I have an idea...” said Horsefly, tapping the table with a hoof.
German edited by Silly Mare
Part Seven: Pool Tables and Blood.
It was already getting dark as Twilight and her friends, save Applejack who was still in hospital, decided to pay a visit to Excolotis in the sweet Apple Acres barn. They found him sitting on the hay bales, eating the party foods that Pinkie had set out on the groaning tables. In particular, a plate of half eaten cake was in his hand.
“Hey, girls,” He said, “Would you like to know how my first day in Equestria after four thousand years went? Well, let me tell you. I met a wonderful bunch of little fillies; Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. Then I saw this wonderful village full of charming, caring, compassionate ponies that didn’t really care that I was twelve foot tall and eight hundred odd pounds. They were great fun, and they made me smile.”
“And then? Well that was when things went downhill. It turns out that a whole bunch of griffins didn’t really like me very much. They hurt these new friends I was making, and held one hostage. I had to completely and utterly embarrass myself just to get one out of trouble. One pony in particular was forced to take a life, and now two ponies are in the hospital, all because of some griffins out to get me.”
“That was my first day of my new world. And I’m willing to bet you want to know what all of that stuff that happened to you today was about.”
“You got that right!’ said Rainbow Dash, “AJ’s in the Hospital, so’s Big Mac’, and I wanna know what’s going on!”
“Well, you know something?” said Excolotis, “I don’t know what’s going on. This is my first day here, and I haven’t the foggiest as to what’s happening! Oh, I can guess, but so can anyone else. In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve spent nearly four thousand years at the bottom of a cave, trapped in stone!”
“I was just as surprised as you were when that lot came here and started all that,” Excolotis shouted, getting to his feet, “And if you think I know anything, well I don’t. I came here after the cave and I thought: ‘Oh, it’ll be alright! My enemies are dust now; their bones turned to dirt and buried far beneath the sun! I don’t have to worry about a thing!’ But NO!”
Excolotis turned and hurled the half eaten slice of cake at the wall, the fine china shattering on the wood and leaving a pink and brown sodden lump to slide down, “I have to put up with all of it all over again, I have to deal with griffins who want me dead, I have to put up with ponies like YOU who think that I knew everything, and that I’m somehow to blame!”
“Well guess what!?” shouted Excolotis, stepping forwards with his arms open, “I don’t know everything, I don’t know who they were, and I’m certainly not to blame! And that’s not the worst thing, oh no. The worst thing is that for five minutes I dared, dared to think that I was free of it all! Free of the past!”
“Do you know how long I spent as a statue exactly? Three thousand, eight hundred and fifty three years, three months, and seventeen days! I counted! And I hoped, hoped that I was wrong, that it was only a few hundred, that I was wrong, but no... No it wasn’t. I wasn’t.”
“Every second, every god’s forsaken second, I knew exactly what was happening, and I knew it perfectly! I saw a garden, immaculate with gravel and small trees, flowers and a pond, slowly become a giant forest! That is how long I was there, and I remember every god’s forsaken moment.”
“So don’t you come to me and say I’m at fault! I paid my price for my mistakes, and I was supposed to get a clean slate, where I could make friends, and be happy, and not have to put up with this shit! So you can shut the fuck up, and go bother the ones who fucking deserve it! Because I don’t...”
Excolotis sat heavily on a table, his head in his hands, “Just don’t. Don’t blame me.”
The girls were stunned by Excolotis’ outburst. It was Fluttershy that moved first; flying up to Excolotis.
“Hey, don’t cry.” She said, raising Excolotis’ chin with one hoof, “We don’t blame you.”
“Yeah!” said Pinkie Pie, “You can’t control the actions of others.”
“Those jerks are what hurt us,” said Rainbow, “Not you! They’re the bad guys.”
“We didn’t want to blame you.” said Rarity, “We just want to understand what’s going on.”
Twilight sighed, “I still don’t get this, but you’re right. How could you possibly know what’s going on?”
Excolotis smiled, “Thank you, but I think that I need to clean up this mess. What should we do with the food?”
“Well we were going to have a welcome party,” said Pinkie Pie, ‘But that got all muddled up huh? So let’s just have one right now!”
With a laugh and a smile, Pinkie Pie leapt up behind Excolotis, and pushed him off the table. Twilight took the broken plate with her magic, and gently put it in a bin. Plates were picked up, food piled on, and drinks poured.
First they played the games. Pinkie Pie pulled on a rope, and a large picture of a tail-less pony was hoisted up to chest height on Excolotis. Pin the Tail on the Pony came first.
“So how do you play this game?” Excolotis asked.
“Oh, it’s real easy!” said Rainbow, “First we put on a blind fold,” a length of cloth slipped over Excolotis’ eyes and was tied behind his head, “Then we spin you round,” Rainbow and Fluttershy prodded Excolotis with their hooves and he smiled; spinning around on the spot, “then you take the pin,” a purple haze directed a pin into his waiting hand, “And then you walk forwards and put the pin on the Pony’s flank, where the tail would be.”
Excolotis shrugged, and took two steps forwards. He bent down, and jabbed forwards with the pin. The girls groaned, and Excolotis pulled off the blind. He had put it dead on centre.
“How did you do that?” asked Rarity, “By now I would of have been quite dizzy.”
“I can’t get dizzy.” said Excolotis, “Spin me all you want, I’ll never lose my sense of direction. Or be disorientated.”
“Really?” said Twilight. She pawed at the ground, deep in thought, before she blinked, “Aha!”
She concentrated, and a large circle of cork popped into existence, wire nailed into the front, and felt squares denoting different areas. Numbers were written all around the edges in white chalk. Another burst and metal tipped poles with plastic fins popped in as well, six in total, and some red while others were blue.
“This game is called darts,” she explained, “Have you played it before?”
Excolotis shook his head.
“Good!” Twilight lifted the dart board, and hung it from a nail in the wood. She took the red darts and gave them to Excolotis.
“To win this game, you start from zero, and must get up to three hundred without going over. It’s one of my favourite games.”
“Really?” said Rainbow, “I’d have thought that you’d like chess or something.”
“I do,” Twilight said, “But I like this game too. It has maths in it, along with precision control with magic.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes.
Excolotis pointed at the board, “What do these coloured squares mean?”
“Well,” Twilight said, “The white and black ones are singles, and the outer red and green ones are doubles. The inner ring is triple score, and the bull’s eye is worth fifty points.”
Excolotis nodded. Twilight went first. She took a dart in her magic, and sent it flying to land slightly off the twenty point mark. The second dart hit the triple score, and the third sunk into the cork right next to it. All in all, she scored one hundred and forty.
Rarity smiled, “Well done.”
Excolotis nodded again, and took his darts as Twilight pulled out hers. He stepped next to her, and threw the first, the second, and then the third. Twilight blinked as she took note of the score: one hundred and eighty.
Twilight took her next turn, scoring only eighty points.
Excolotis took up the red darts again, and sent them straight and true. The first dart landed with a hollow thud on the twenty triple score, same with the second but his mistake was soon apparent; Excolotis had thrown the darts in such a way that a third could not fit between them.
“Hmf.” Excolotis took his third dart, and sent it flying.
Twilight stared, Pinkie Pie giggled, Rainbow smiled, Rarity sat, and Fluttershy blinked.
“Have you played this before?” asked Fluttershy.
“No,” said Excolotis, “but these are a bit like throwing weapons, so they fall under my expertise.”
“Okay, what?” demanded Rainbow.
“Oh silly Dashie,” giggled Pinkie, “He’s the God of War, right? So weapons and warfare are his special talents! And darts are a bit like throwing knives and stuff, so he knows how to use them, like how I know how to throw a party on an instinctual sort of level.”
“Pretty much.” shrugged Excolotis.
Twilight groaned, “That’s one dart ruined, anyway.” she said.
The third dart had been lodged straight into the second, splitting it nearly halfway.
Twilight pulled them down, and looked at the darts closely. She pulled them apart in a purple burst, and put the darts and board in the corner. “What else can we play?” she asked, “Preferably one that doesn’t result in Excolotis winning outright because of his special talent.”
“Oh! Oh!” Pinkie Pie waved her hoof in the air, “I know one! Blind Mare’s Bluff!”
“How does that work?” asked Excolotis.
“Oh... Well... You get someone to put on a blind fold,” said Fluttershy, “And then the one who’s ‘it’ has to get you by sound alone.”
“I’ll give it a try,” said Rainbow, “Otherwise you’ll all take forever to find me.”
“Okay then,” said Twilight, “Just make sure to remember; no wings, no magic, and no stepping over her, Excolotis.”
“I’m a little insulted that you had to address me by name.”
Applejack groaned. Her head felt like that one time she’d eaten six salt cubes on a dare, and her body ached. She lay back as her body presented its bills; Legs, fine. Body, sore. Ribs probably broken. Head splitting open from a migraine. Mouth... numb and unresponsive. Back giving reports of a soft surface, probably a bed. Lower legs and hips reporting a soft fluffy covering, most likely a blanket.
She was in the hospital. Just great.
She opened her eyes and saw an unfamiliar white ceiling. Turning her eyes left and right, she saw that the walls were also painted the same septic white. To her right and left were white sheets hanging from the ceiling, and she couldn’t see in front of her. Looking at the ground was out of the question. She moved her hoof up to her head, and imminently regretted it. Her chest heaved as pain rocketed through it, and her head gave another stab of pain as her hoof bumped against it.
A Nurse moved into her field of vision as she slowly put her hoof back on the bed.
“Please try not to move,” she said, “You’ve got some bad injuries.”
She moved out of Applejack’s vision and the noise of something being unclipped reached Applejack’s ears.
“You have a shattered jaw,” said the Nurse, somewhere behind her hind legs, “so they’ve banded it together with steel wires so it can fuse back together. Your skull has been cracked, which caused some mild fluid build up, and the surgeons have had to drill a hole into the skull so that the excess fluid could drain out; hence the tube.”
Applejack groaned.
“You’ve also got...” a flutter of a page being turned, “Three broken ribs, and you’ve also lost three teeth. It says here on the chart that you’ve been bumped up the waiting list as a high priority, so you should be out of the hospital in about three days.”
The Nurse moved back into Applejack’s vision, “Makes sense; you’re Applejack, right? You saved the world from Discord, so I can see why they’d put you up for magical treatment. I’d want your autograph, but I don’t think that’d be a good idea. The broken jaw and all?”
Applejack rolled her eyes.
“Fantastic. Consciousness to implied sarcasm in less than five minutes, that’s a new record. Well done. Now, it’s about seven at night, and visiting hours here are at ten in the morning. You’re probably in pain, so I tell you what. Here’s a little something something to help you sleep.”
The Nurse moved out of Applejack’s vision again, and Applejack noted the beeping of a machine’s buttons being pushed. A whirring began to sound from her right, and her eyelids soon grew heavy.
“Goodnight, Miss Apple.”
She was already asleep when the door clicked shut.
Celestia rubbed at her eyes. The problem in front of her was one that she couldn’t conceive. How had this happened? Looking at the board in front of her, she paused.
“Are you going to come to a decision, sister, or do I have time to find something to eat?”
Celestia waved a hoof impatiently, and picked up the dice, before putting them down again. If she did that, Luna would have no option but to do this... but if she did this, Luna would do that... Celestia thought back on what she’d been taught. Eventually, she decided to move. She picked up the dice.
“Hah!” Celestia threw the dice at the board, sending them rattling across. “Forwards, stallions and mares!” she shouted, “For the glory of the Solar Empire!”
“Charge, for the Luna Republic!” cheered Luna as she picked up her die and rolled as well.
In the end, it was Celestia’s four against Luna’s two. Prance had been conquered for the Solar Empire.
Every Thursday was games night for the royal sisters. Come rain or shine, they’d always set apart three hours for a board game, and maybe a film and local take out. The chefs had complained bitterly about that, but as Celestia had put it, sometimes all you really wanted was cheap, greasy food.
The two sisters had tried chess, but they had grown bored after a while. Battleship was annoying after Luna figured out the algorithm needed to win, and Celestia had banned calculators of any sort at the games table shortly afterwards. Monopoly was Celestia’s favourite but Luna went into a huff nearly every time, declaring that those “little red shacks” as she called them were hardly worth one hundred and twenty bits a night.
Checkers was right out.
So the sisters, after much bickering, had finally settled on Risk. Arguments, however, were still common, especially over who got to have Australia. Both of them wanted it for some reason, but they just couldn’t figure out why. Celestia blamed the classic super villains in film: they always wanted a shiny new Australia.
One night in particular, Luna had recommended a new game called Diplomacy. After one match, followed by an argument and the angry firing and then panicky rehiring of the three hapless guards who had been roped in to fill out the game, they had agreed never to speak of it again.
The board in question was still supposedly drifting somewhere at sea after a particularly irate Luna had hurled it out the window as hard as she could, declaring her sister to be a scoundrel and a cur, completely untrustworthy, and with the moral fortitude of a damp cloth.
So yes, it was Risk. Also, Diplomacy was here forth to be known as The Board Game Which Shall Not Be Named between the two royal sisters.
“There’s trouble brewing.” said Celestia, “Those hot heads today were only the tip of the ice berg.”
“How so?” asked Luna, “The Gryphons export most of their goods to us, and they are one of our major customers. They cannot seem to get enough of our luxury items.”
“That’s true,” Celestia nodded, “However, some of them still remember Excolotis as a psychopath and monster. They might cause trouble.”
“Tonight is supposed to be games night.” said Luna, “Can we not just forget about all this?”
“I’m sorry, Lulu,” said Celestia, “I’m just worried about what’s going to happen. The High King might be able to keep his people from coming over here with sword and axe, but I really don’t know what to do if it does happen. We haven’t had a serious fight since the Changeling Queen, and you saw how badly we handled it.”
“That was embarrassing.”
“Quite,” said Celestia, “But for now, I’m thinking that tomorrow we should let Excolotis get settled in, then have him brought up here to overview the guards. It’s time for the shake up only he can bring.”
“That should be fun,” said Luna, “I’ll take Deutschland, by the way.” The die clattered onto the board, showing a seven. Celestia picked up the die, and counted the sides.
“I know you’re losing, but do play fair.”
The night at Applejack’s barn had stretched on, the party forgotten. Now the girls were trying to find a game that Excolotis was genuinely bad at. Blind Mares Bluff had been disastrous, Excolotis had moved so quietly that they couldn’t hear him, and when they had tied the blindfold around his eyes he had moved at the slightest sound.
Next was the Piñata.
Pinkie Pie pulled on the rope, the colourful paper pig slowly lifting into the air until it was slightly above Excolotis’ head, who was still wearing the blindfold.
“Pinkie,” said Twilight, “Don’t you remember Pin the Tail on the Pony? You know that this will end with him winning.”
“Oh, I know that!” said Pinkie Pie, “But that way I’ll get the candy quickly.”
“Pinkie Pie,” said Rarity, “Aren’t you a little old for that?”
“I am never too old for candy.” said Pinkie Pie, “I don’t care what you say.”
The ponies watched as he gently shifted his weight, his arm raised to strike. The girls waited with baited breath as he shifted his weight again, then lashed out with his arm, shattering the paper pig in half and spilling the candy across the room.
Pinkie Pie moved fast, little more than a pink blur, as she scooped up the lion’s share of the confectionary, and began to greedily stuff it into her mouth. The others glared at her, except for Fluttershy who simply gave a cocked look. Under the four stares, Pinkie Pie pushed the large pile of sweets back towards the piñata, and sat upright, clearing her throat as the stares subsided.
“Can I take off the blindfold now?” asked Excolotis, causing Fluttershy to give a small smile and lift up the blindfold from his eyes, wings pumping as she held herself at his height. Excolotis blinked in the light. He bent down and picked up a caramel from the paper innards of the false pig.
“Race’s Pieces Tee Em Old Fashioned Chocolate Caramels.” he said, “What are these like?”
“Sort of chewy and sticky,” said Pinkie Pie, “They’re all yummy and crunchy at first, but then they’re even more yummy and gooey, and the caramel gets stuck in your teeth, and you have to work really hard to eat it, but then it get’s...”
Rarity and Rainbow took on a glassed look, and Twilight sighed, “They’re actually really good,” said Twilight, “Don’t worry about her, she gets like this sometimes.”
“...But then it kind ‘a gets stuck in my ear, so then I need peanut butter and those ear cotton stick things, but only if I can find one, Gummy loves to eat them...”
“Wait, what?” Fluttershy stared at her pink friend in horror.
“...oh, but he hates the taste of Iodine, so that works out in the end. He found that out after he got into my first aid kit. I really should stop leaving it in easy reach. Of course, nowhere is out of reach to a Pegasus and I do mean nowhere, why, Pound once...”
“So, Excolotis,” said Twilight, “Do you want to go and play pool at the local bar? The place is sized for Pegasus so you should fit, if you duck...”
“Sure,” said Excolotis, “Why not?”
“Heh. And I should totally show you my pool game!” said Rainbow, “No pony’s better with the pool cue than me!”
“I could use with a drink,” said Rarity, “I’ll come with you.”
Fluttershy said nothing, staring agape at Pinkie Pie.
“...and that’s how Twist ended up with her cutie mark, but if there’s one thing she learned, it’s that Taffy Machines shouldn’t be fooled around with, why, she nearly fell in, but I think that it all worked out in the end, but that wasn’t the end, oh no, because then the manager got angry because we broke into his factory...”
“Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow nudged the hyperactive pony, “We’re going out to the bar, you coming?”
“Okay.” Pinkie Pie jumped up and trotted out the door after her friends, leaving a stunned Fluttershy staring into space.
“You broke into a factory?”
The Royal Magika Forty Inch Widescreen High Definition Television was one of Luna’s most beloved pieces of arcane technomancy in the castle. Few other entertainment pieces saw as much use, not even the equally beloved Omega Seven Hundred and Twenty Degree Home Game System. And that even had the new Connection Movement System installed.
To either side of the screen were large black towers, almost as tall as Celestia herself. The bass output of these speakers was the envy of the realms, and the surround sound left Luna in a giddy joy whenever she spoke of it. Celestia herself thought it was a noisy, pointless idiot box and had thought that the fifty hertz colour TV with three channels was more than enough. Who needed nine hundred channels and over two hundred magical personal entertainment games?
Right now, they were watching another of Luna’s pointless action movies. This one had some sort of ex palace guard captain who had clearly gone insane gun down thousands of criminal ponies and griffins. Celestia had pointed out that Equestria had less than a zero point zero two crime rate and that they would be lucky to get three hundred criminals. Luna had pointed out that she didn’t care.
Apparently, and this was something they threw in halfway into the movie because it got in the way of the killing, the guard captain had been taking his family on a Canterlot picnic when the local crime gangs had decided to perform an assassination and shoot at a crime boss with magical bolts. The criminals working for said crime boss had shot back at the would-be assassins and the family was caught in the cross fire. Celestia had again pointed out how incorrect that was, most unicorns couldn’t even do much more than a basic concussive spell as a basic cantrip that all of them were taught in magical school as a way to defend themselves. The idea of a criminal assassination in Canterlot was also ridiculous, as the guards would of have seen it and been upon them faster than you could blink. Luna had also displayed her disinterest to that fact, and added that her sister could shut up.
So Celestia had settled down after a while and was still not enjoying herself. That was until she realised that each scene had no more than three colours in it, and had decided to check what they were.
Eventually, the film came to an end, with almost nothing resolved and everything still going along as usual, leaving the whole thing open for a sequel. Celestia levitated a cardboard box over to herself as Luna removed the movie disc from its player. Lifting it open, she took in the smell of peppers and cheese, lifting up a slice of hot pizza and biting into it. Of course, being nearly twice as tall as most stallions mean that she ate half of it in one bite, but she didn’t mind.
That’s why she had four pizzas.
“I think that was a rather fine film,” said Luna, “the characters were solid, and the cinematography was quite good.”
“It was a stupid, mindless action flick,” said Celestia, “But I can see why you’d like it. Short on brain; big on muscle.”
“Oh, but that Castle stallion was quite handsome, sister. His voice ran over my soul, leaving white hot trails as it passed.” Luna took on a dreamy look, “His muscles shining in the light, his skill and strength, I would much like to...”
“Luna!” squealed Celestia, “I don’t need to know that!”
“Oh, my sister dearest is so modest!” said Luna, “but if you must know, that new cleaner we have, why, he’s quite handsome, hmm?”
“What? White Shine?” asked Celestia, “He’s new, yes, but don’t you think he’s a little... off?”
“Oh, I’m not looking for a husband.” said Luna, flopping down onto the couch, “I am just looking for a companion, and the day can seem so lonely without a stallion between my sheets.”
“What?” Celestia choked, “Change subject, now!”
“Oh, as you wish,” said Luna, “but I must know how long it has been since you had such companionship.”
Celestia stared at her sister, they were thousands of years older than any other, and why would she want to, oh yes that’s right. Celestia groaned. Luna was not just the goddess of the moon and night; she was also a poet, scholar, and romantic. Not to mention the fact that she had a very healthy... appetite for companionship.
“Not since...” Celestia thought back, “Well...”
“Oh, has my dearest sister not known the touch of a stallion?” Luna leaned in close, “Or a mare?”
“Oh, goodness no!” Celestia leaned back from her leering sister and picking up a cushion to hold in front of her like a shield.
“Really?” teased Luna, “Not once have you felt the touch of another?”
“Luna!” said Celestia, “Have you plans for what to do when we call for Excolotis?!”
“Hm, you are no fun. When he arrives here,” said Luna, “I think that we should introduce him to the ruling class, and then perhaps he should give his opinions upon the possibility of war.”
“You do know that he will want to check all the records?” asked Celestia, lowering her cushion shield, “He won’t want to start a war we have no chance of winning, or one that will cripple us if we do win.”
“Yes,” said Luna, leaning back into the furry couch, “And that will give us time to think, and see what happens.”
“And the nobles that push for war?” asked Celestia, “What if he agrees with them?”
“I don’t think that he wants another fight.”
“What do you think he’s up to?”
There was a clack as the billiard ball bounced off its partner, the smooth orbs spinning around the table.
The girls had taken Excolotis to the local bar, and one of the few in town. The town of Ponyville only had about three thousand, making it more of a large town, bordering on a small city. Nevertheless, it did see some business. The inside was fairly open, windows set to the front, and again favouring the Celestia sized architecture. Though chairs were not set to her height, basic building commissions required that every building be large enough for the beloved monarch to walk around in comfort.
The pool table itself was set to the height of the standard pony, so Excolotis was forced to crouch if he was to use it. Twilight had been gracious enough to take a pool cue and resize it so that Excolotis could use the wooden pole.
So far, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were the only ones to play, and they were both going strong. Rarity was watching, a half eaten salt lick held in her magic. She was already half blitzed and had become rather loud as a result, much to Fluttershy’s chagrin. Twilight herself was trying to lean back from her overly friendly and dehydrated friend.
“I have to say,” said Rarity, “You are much more talented than I thought you’d be.”
“Thanks’.” said Rainbow, “What’d you think of that last shot.”
“Hum? Oh no, no,” Rarity laughed, waving her hoof dismissively, “I meant the whole... Flying thing you do. I think that you are easily the best flyer in all of Equestria.”
“Uh, okay Rarity,” Rainbow chuckled, “Not really relevant.”
“No, I mean it, I mean it!” said Rarity, “And I know that I try to get you to wear all those fancy things, but I think that you’re quite beautiful without them. Uh. Not that I’m interested in a relationship or anything, just that, it’s a rough beauty, you know?”
“Okay, Rarity,” said Fluttershy, “Do you want to come with me, I think that we should have a bit of a chat.”
“Oh, what about? Are you upset?” Rarity, rather unsteadily, was taken by Fluttershy to sit in a booth some distance away. Excolotis watched as Rarity was put in a booth by Fluttershy, and the two began to chat. Or more accurately, Fluttershy let Rarity ramble on while giving the occasional nod or hum.
Turning back to the game, Excolotis scratched his head as Pinkie Pie lined up a shot and sent a red striped ball into a pocket.
“So let me understand this,” he said, “If I’m right, Pinkie Pie can only hit the striped balls, while Rainbow Dash must use the solid balls.”
Rainbow dash nodded.
“And you have to use the cues,” Excolotis continued, “To knock the white orb, which must in turn hit an appropriate sphere, else wise you miss a turn. And if the white ball goes into a pocket, the other player is allowed to put the ball where ever she wants, and then takes a shot. If, on the other hand, you manage to get the appropriate orb into the pocket instead, you get to take another turn.”
“Yep.” Nodded Pinkie, “But you forgot the bit where after all that, you’ve got to pocket the black ball, but you’re not, ever, never, ever, allowed to hit it before you’ve pocketed all the other balls.”
Rainbow took her cue, and placed it flat on the back of her fore leg. Keeping the cue end gently hooked in her hoof, she drew it back, and sent it forwards with a sharp clack. The balls did their dance, or whatever it is that white marble orbs do, and in the end, the black ball fell into the corner pocket with a clack.
“Aw yeah,” said Rainbow, “Didn’t I tell you I’ve got the best game? No one can beat me at pool!”
“Yeah, except maybe Excolotis,” snorted Twilight, “after all, the Cues are a bit like lances when you think about it.”
Pinkie Pie mulled it over for a second before saying; “Nope. Doesn’t work like that Twilight.”
“What?” said Twilight, “Do you know something I don’t?”
“A lot of things, actually.” said Pinkie Pie, turning her head, “Isn’t that right, dear readers?”
Twilight shared a glance with Rainbow. “Who are you talking to?”
“Oh,” Pinkie smiled, “No one of importance.”
“Right...” said Rainbow, “Excolotis, do you want a turn?”
Excolotis nodded and took his cue as Twilight levitated the balls from the pockets and put them in the proper order. With a gentle thud, the white ball landed on the green felt. Excolotis lined up the cue with his chin, and placed the tip of it between his fingers for support. He gently drew back the cue and sent it forwards, staking the white ball with a soft clack. The white orb speeded forwards and struck the tight cluster of balls, sending them spinning towards the far corners.
“I’ll go easy on you, since you’re new,” said Rainbow, taking her cue and lining it up.
Her shot sent a yellow striped ball rolling into the pocket. Her next one sent a red ball and the green ball, and she waved at Excolotis to take his shot, forfeiting hers.
Excolotis lined up his cue again, and sent the white ball clacking off his yellow ball. The ball rocketed towards a corner pocket, only to bounce of the edges and roll back onto the table. This set the score for the night with Excolotis pocketing in the rare ball, bouncing balls off the walls, missing pockets, and occasionally pocketing the white ball.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, sent her balls clacking into pockets with ease, sending them in ones and twos.
Quite obviously, it was Rainbow Dash that won.
“Hah!” cheered Rainbow, “Don’t feel bad, I’m the best pool player here; of course you lost!”
Excolotis smiled; “I’m bad at pool.” He stood up to his full height, “My name is Excolotis and THIS is now my favourite spot in Equestria!” He declared, pointing to the table.
“Really?” said rainbow, “But you lost.”
“Oh, I know.” Excolotis said, “I think that a brass plate here, right here, on the table saying ‘on this very table Excolotis discovered a game he was bad at.’ and then? Well then I’ll have this cue bronzed, and I’ll show it to ponies when they want to know the story of when I lost at a game!”
“Maybe a monument right out front!” he laughed, sweeping his hand over the outside view, “a statue of me, despondent and defeated, a broken cue on the ground as Rainbow Dash herself takes flight over me, holding her cue up to the sky!”
“That’s something I’d pay to see,” laughed Twilight, “But why are you so happy?”
“All the other games I’ve played,” said Excolotis, “Chess, Jousting, Sparring, Duelling, I won them all because of what I am, not what I can do. This is a game where winning is entirely dependent upon what I learn.” Excolotis breathed deeply, holding the breath for a moment before letting it out through his nose, “It’s a challenge.”
Rainbow smiled. “I know what you mean.”
Eventually the party had wound down, with Rarity sleeping in the booth, curled up and snoring gently. Twilight picked up the slumbering pony with her magic, before trotting out the front door.
The girls had all headed off to their homes after giving their goodbyes, leaving Twilight to get Rarity home.
“Let me come with you,” said Excolotis, “There’s something I need to get.”
“Oh?” asked Twilight, “What are you getting?”
“My armour.”
After Rarity was left on her bed, and Excolotis picked up his armour in a sack, Twilight said goodnight and walked off home, leaving the giant to find his own way back to the farm. He smiled, hefting the sack over his shoulder and whistling a tune as he strode through the dark.
The path itself was a dirt one, packed hard and trodden underneath the passing of countless hooves. To either side the path was covered in shrubbery, an ankle high grass covering the sides. The stars were out, constellations twinkling in the sky along with the moon; this gave a dim light to the scene.
Excolotis stopped, and put the sack by his feet. “I though more would show up.” he said, “Thank you for waiting until the others were gone.”
To his front, gryphons stepped out, brandishing swords and maces. Behind him, two more came out holding a variety of weapons. Over head, one or two wheeled about, moonlight glinting off belted swords.
One of them stepped forwards, head held high and weapon at his side. The gryphon looked up at his foe, “Today you shall receive judgement for the crimes against our people.” he said.
“I paid for my crimes.” said Excolotis, “As have so many others. As my dept has been paid, you have no claim. Go away.”
“It is not enough!” shouted the gryphon, “You slaughtered thousands, and you must pay the full price!”
“What is your name?” Excolotis asked.
“My name is Finn, of Höhe-Berg...”
Excolotis moved fast, taking Finn’s beak in his hand and moving past him. Finn’s neck twisted under the pressure until his neck finally gave with a crack, giving him a final view of his friends behind him before he ended up face down in the dirt, his belly pointing to the sky. The gryphons took up weapons before Excolotis was amongst them, punching and kicking, sending feathered bodies crashing to the ground and snapping limbs. When a gryphon finally got his act together and swung with his mace, he felt a curious tug on his arm. He lifted his arm back and swung again, but all that went past his vision was an arc of red. Looking down, he screamed as he saw that his arm was gone from below the elbow.
Excolotis leapt between them, hands and feet; elbows and knees striking out and crushing bone. Half of them were down already, broken bodies pumping out blood. They would not get up again. The few lucky enough to twist away from him took up stances only to end up dead as he swept feet from under them and struck with stolen weapons or simply swung hammers and cudgels at head height, sending brain, blood and bone splattering across the ground. One flew up and above, but was pulled down when an iron hand grasped around his ankle. Wings flapping, the gryphon was pulled down to earth. He swung with his axe but an iron grip took it by the haft and tore it from his fingers. Wings struggling, the gryphon tried to break free, but he knew it was useless when another hand went around his throat.
“Listen to me, LISTEN to me!” hissed Excolotis as wings battered his face, “Look at your friends, they’re dead. Do you want to be the same?”
The gryphon halted. “What do you want?” he croaked.
“You’ve heard so much about what I did,” said Excolotis, “but do you know why I did it?”
“You’re a monster,” the gryphon gurgled, “You didn’t... need an excuse...”
Excolotis stared at him. With a twist of his fingers, he snapped the feathered neck in his hand like a twig.
Bending down, Excolotis picked up the bodies and dumped them in the forest a ways from the dirt path. Following the noise of water, he washed himself in a nearby stream. He took off his fine clothes, now damp from the water, and left them where they lay on the ground; thus naked, he stared at the night sky, moonlight shining from his pale flesh.
Eventually, he opened the sack, pulling out his armour and robes and replacing them with the dirty clothes. It was only the work of a few minutes to fit the armour back on, and for the robes and tabard to fit over the black steel again. He took a hand full of river water, and cleaned his face of the redness from his tears. Shaking his hands free of the water still clinging to them, he set back onto the road, staring at the red stains on the dirt.
He held out his hand, and a wide, flat half moon staff drifted together in his hand. He hefted it between his arms and planted it in the dirt at a shallow angle. He them put his considerable strength behind it, and flipped the dirt path, covering the blood with loose dirt. Lifting the blade up again, he thrust it back into the packed earth and flipped it over once more. It took him a little over fifteen minutes to cover the blood completely.
His work done, he threw aside the weapon, watching as it dissipated before it hit the ground.
The farmhouse still had lights on, a single window open to the slightly warm night. Excolotis walked up to the porch, and gently rapped on the door. He waited patiently until Granny smith opened the door.
“Eh?” she said, “Ah, yer tha’ Excolotis fella, ain’t ‘cha? Well, I’ve set up somethin’ in th’ barn for yez, sos’s you can sleep there. But I’ll need your help t’morro’, I’m old an’ I can’t keep up wi’ th’ work no more, so you gonna’ help me till Applejack and Big Macintosh gets back on their hooves.”
“Of course,” said Excolotis as he turned to leave, “I’ll see you in the morning then.”
“Hey, Excolotis?” said Granny Smith, “How’d ya do it? Ho d’ya ignore the hurt o’ y’own kin?”
Excolotis looked back at the old pony. “You don’t. You do what you can to make it better, but sometimes all you can do is leave it up to others and give them something to come back to. But if it’s too late even for that... You dig two graves. One of them is for you, the other for the ones responsible.”
Granny Smith hummed and trotted back inside, shutting the door behind her. Excolotis stared at the door for a moment, and then walked around to the barn. The inside was clean of food, the tables put away. In the middle lay hay bales with old sheep’s wool blankets thrown over them. On top lay a large, stitched together multicoloured quilt. Excolotis poked at it and guessed that several had been cannibalised to make the giant doona. With a sigh, he flopped backwards onto the improvised bed with a clank of metal, and closed his eyes.
In Ponyville not a mouse was stirring, though a purple unicorn mare was. Fussing to and fro, she picked books up from shelves, glanced at them, then put them back. Sitting atop the stairs, spike watched as his care giver and adoptive sister walked back and forth between the shelves, glancing at book spines as she did so. As Twilight began to throw books aside he groaned and rubbed his hands over his face.
“Twilight...” he yawned, “What are you looking for?”
“I’m looking for the history books, preferably ones dating back to early S.E.” she said.
“Why, in the name of all that is good and holy,” said Spike, “Are you looking for stuff from, like, four thousand years ago?”
“Excolotis did something,” said Twilight, “Something so bad that four thousand years later, Gryphons still want to beat him up over it. I want to know what he did that was so bad, because anything to make someone keep a grudge for that long has got to be a doozy.”
“So why don’t you ask him?” said Spike, “Save us all a lot of trouble.”
“Because it’s a bit of a sore subject.” answered Twilight.
“Twilight,” said Spike, “You’re usually right about this sort of thing, but why now? Why not tomorrow? He seems harmless enough, and I’ll bet that the griffins did something to tick him off first.”
“What makes you think that?” asked Twilight.
“I’m a guy,” said Spike, “Unlike you; I understand the concept of vengeance. And to get vengeance, you have to do something either really stupid, or really evil. Like Nightmare Moon evil. Believe me, when guys like him get ticked, they make others get ticked, until it all snowballs and becomes one big mess.”
“It has to be more than that.” said Twilight, “Excolotis isn’t that simple.”
“Actually,” said Spike, “Most guys are. Doesn’t mean he’s stupid, I mean, stupid and simple are completely different things.”
“Well,” sighed Twilight, “I won’t get any answers here. I’ll have to head to Canterlot to look at the larger library there. We’ll head there in a few days.”
“Great, I’ve been looking forwards to train sickness.”
Part Eight: Secrets and Lies.
The Goddess of the Day groaned in her bed and brushed back the sheets to get a look at her surroundings. She winced as her hind legs began to creak again and give twinges of pain. Celestia blinked once or twice to get the vestiges of sleep out of her eyes and looked to her bedside table. The bright neon yellow of the needle disposal box reflected off the surgical steel of the medicine tray as Celestia plucked at one of the needles with her horn, flicking off the orange safety top with a gentle pulse.
Having taken the needle firmly in a warm golden glow, she plunged the needle into her rump, just above the cutie mark, and pushed down on the plunger, letting out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding as the drugs began to take effect. Putting the needle into the disposables box with a hollow clunk she got to her hooves and stepped off the bed with a crunch. Looking down she saw the shattered remains of a salt bowl under her hoof, the white salt cubes grinding into the carpet. Groaning, she lifted the glass shards and put them in the bio hazard box. She concentrated and picked up the salt from the carpet, picking out a few crumbs and hairs from the off white grains.
She looked at it for a moment through bleary eyes before opening her mouth and crunching down on the salt.
Smacking her lips as she tried to get the taste of saltiness out of her mouth, Celestia looked out the window as the moon began to set and a growing pressure in the hind of her brain began to rise. Many years ago, Twilight had asked how Celestia had always known when to raise the sun and set it, and in truth, Celestia simply felt when it was time, much like how her subjects knew when they really needed to pee. And so, with a simple flash of her horn, Celestia sent the basic spell to work.
Truth be told, the whole ‘fly up into the air and perform the flashing light’ thing was just for show. All it really took was a gentle ping from her horn and up came the sun. Twilight had always been annoyed by that. She’d always expected a grunt of effort, a pause, a moment of meditation, just something other than a content hum and a relaxed, unfocused expression.
Celestia blinked as she finished raising the sun. She took another needle, flicking off the cap and sticking the thin metal tube into her rump, opposite the first puncture mark. She dropped the tube into the yellow box with a clatter and opened the drawer below.
Inside were white boxes with sticker labels. She took one up and read the labels “20mg Flupirtine tablets.” she said, “Do not stop taking this medicine abruptly unless otherwise advised by your doctor. This medicine may affect mental alertness and/or co-ordination. If affected, do not operate a carriage or operate machinery.” The Goddess of the Sun snorted and swallowed two pills, putting the box back into the drawer with a clatter, “They stick those warnings on everything now.”
Meanwhile at Sweet Apple Acres another god was waking up. Excolotis swung his legs over the hay bed, letting his legs hit the floor with a clank. He lifted up his arm and watched the multi part pauldron shift as he moved his shoulder around. He stood up and wandered over to a bucket of water, staring at his helmeted reflection. Reaching up he undid the gorget straps and put the curved metal on the ground, followed shortly by the curved helm. With a gauntleted hand he pushed back his hair and stared into the water barrel, noting the slight discolouration around his eyes.
He lifted up has hand and let a sharp cut throat razor materialise in his hand. He looked around and picked up a can of axel grease and popped the lid, sniffing at the contents. Frowning in distaste he put the lid back on the can and dropped it back onto the dirt. Looking into the reflection of the water he began to bring the razor across his face.
The door opened with a creak as granny Smith pushed it open, staring as Excolotis guided the razor under his nose. “Hi there, Excolotis,” she said, “Ah’ve made up some toast an’ eggs fer you if you’re hungry”
Excolotis grunted as the razor danced around his chin.
“After that,” continued Granny, “We’ll be needin’ to trim sum of the older trees. They’re gettin’ a bit open.”
Shave. Grunt. Shave.
“Ah’ll be goin’ in to town t’ see my gran’children if Ah can. Do you want t’ come with?”
Excolotis paused for a moment, “I would quite like that Mrs Smith.” Turning his head back and forth to see his reflection, Excolotis decided that the shave was satisfactory and dropped the cut throat razor, letting it dissipate before it hit the ground. He turned from the water barrel and followed Granny Smith to the front of the house.
Rainbow Dash flew over the town; strip of paper held in her mouth. It was scheduled to be a fine day with a light drizzle over the town at midnight, cloud moving in later that day. All in all, she merely had to keep cloud build up. Towns close to the Everfree forest often suffered from cloud build up was wild clouds drifted into controlled areas, meaning that they would often have to send up a flight team to stop the white, fluffy build up. Such clouds were often towed away back over the ever free or repurposed to save on efforts. To help protect from this the town had an acceptable discrepancy of 2.3 mm to help keep things from getting over watered or drying out. Inner cities such as Canterlot, however, never had to worry about such things due to the distance between them and the untamed wilds.
She had decided to take up more shifts in and around Sweet Apple Acers, especially the morning shifts. While a large part of her hated getting up early and preferred to use her post as weather captain to get the middle day shifts she knew, deep down in her soul, that to disobey her Princess would be an affront to the very core of her being.
Shaking her head, Rainbow dash focused on her copy of the grid chart for the day. Keeping herself hoisted up by her wings she took her slip of enchanted paper between her hooves and read the lists with a practised eye. “Okay then,” she said, “I’ve cleared up the clouds, and as such everything’s fine, right? Right, so on to my... extracaricucalar... activities.” With a pump of her wings and a swift dive to pick up speed she flew off towards the farm.
Excolotis sat on the front porch with his helm in his lap, his legs stretching over the stairs as he held a baking tray in his hand as an improvised plate. His fork was made from black metal, and the ‘plate’ held nearly twelve eggs and thirteen slices of toast. He sighed. “Hello, Rainbow Dash.”
“How did you know it was me?” asked Rainbow as she fluttered down to the ground.
“I could hear your wings,” smiled Excolotis, “Sensitive hearing, remember?”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Rainbow, “What’re you doing?”
“Having breakfast,” said Excolotis, spearing an egg with his fork, “After that, I’ll be helping out around the place. There are trees to trim.”
“Uh, correct me I’m wrong,” said Rainbow, “But won’t that be a problem? You can’t exactly buck the tree.”
‘There’s more than one way to get things done.” said Excolotis, eating the egg on his fork.
“Fine, be that way.” snorted Rainbow, “Anyway, we’re going up to see Applejack later today, will you be coming with?”
“Time allowing.” replied Excolotis, scooping the final eggs into his mouth.
He stood, slipping his helm onto his head, and knocked on the door, waiting patiently until Granny Smith took the cooking tray from his hands and went inside.
“So, that’s it?” said Rainbow, “Do work, help out, and ignore Applejack?”
“Rainbow Dash,” said Excolotis, “I am not ignoring her. I am simply trying to make sure that she doesn’t have to rush around and tidy up because she was out for a few days.”
Rainbow scooted back; there was something in his words that sent signals to her brain that made it certain that continuing on that path would be a very bad idea. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I just... feel a bit pent up.”
Excolotis breathed slowly, “That’s fine,” he said, “It can be frustrating to be unable to do anything.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow said, “It sucks.”
Excolotis waited.
“I mean,” Rainbow said, “I can move faster than sound, but I can’t even save my friends. Some Element of Loyalty I turned out to be.”
“Sometimes,” said Excolotis, “Violence can be the very thing you’re not supposed to do. I learned that the hard way. Still, at least it won’t be happening again.”
“Yeah, yeah.” said Rainbow, “I guess you’ll be working for most of today.”
“Yes.” said Excolotis, “I’ve never done farming before. I am... not entirely certain about the idea of doing something like this though, so we’ll just wait and see.”
Granny Smith opened the front door and stepped out onto her porch, “Hey ther’ Rainbow Dash,” she said, “What’re you doin’ here?”
“Ah, hello Miss Smith,” said Rainbow, “I’m just chatting with Excolotis here, y’know?”
“Yes well, don’t be keepin’ him too long,” said Granny Smith, “Ah’ll be needn’ him for th’ harvestin’.”
“Don’t worry, Miss Smith,” said Rainbow, “I won’t be keeping him for long, just having a chat.”
“Good, ‘cause we’re getting started.”
“This here is the apple,” said Granny Smith, holding up a yellow Golden Delicious, “This is a fine example of an apple. You will not even think of touching them.”
“Of course, Mrs Smith.” said Excolotis.
Excolotis and Granny smith stood in the middle of the orchard. Granny Smith had found her old straw hat and had plonked it on top of her head. She trotted over to a long pole with some sort of serrated blade on the end. She flicked up the end with her hoof and let it rest against her shoulder like a soldier’s pike.
“This is a Long Saw,” she said, “We’re goin’ to be using it to do a bit of Raising on th’ apple trees.”
Excolotis looked at the small implement in Granny Smith’s hooves. He held out his hand and a Long Saw with a black metal handle appeared in his grasp. This one was sized to him, and more than a bit larger than Granny’s.
“Nice trick,” smiled Granny Smith, “But tha’s a bit large, so we’ll stick to this one.”
Excolotis nodded and let the Long Saw drop from his fingers. True to form, it dissipated in moments.
“Now, let me show you the cuts.” Granny Smith trotted over to an apple tree. The branches were thick and bushy, with heavy branches fanning around the bottom. “This here is getting a bit large. If we don’t trim back the lower branches, the apples’ll grow where critters can get to ‘em. That’s a waste of time, energy, and money. If’n we trim ‘em back, the apples’ll grow up higher where we can rest easy knowin’ that they’ll be out of the reach of those gubbins.”
She set the saw down, and lifted up a set of Bypass Loppers. “First we gotta trim back th’ smaller branches; leaves and what not. One we’ve done that, we can get to th’ branches proper.”
She reached out, and with careful snips began to cut off the branches. She continued to trim until the branch itself was completely exposed. She then picked up the Long Saw and made a short notch at the base of the branch. “This here,” she said, “Is where we’ll be trimming off the branch.”
“Why not cut off the whole branch?” asked Excolotis, “If you leave it like that, there will be a buldge.”
“Good question,” said Granny Smith, “That’s ‘cause if we do that, the tree will be a bit more... ah, what’s th’ word... vulnerable. To disease and such.”
“Ah.”
Granny Smith sat as she watched Excolotis cut back the branches. It was strictly amateur work; Sometimes he’d cut a bit too far out, sometimes a bit closer than granny’s liking. More than once, Granny Smith had stopped Excolotis to show him where he should be cutting. “So dang proud,” she muttered, “Y’ain’t gonna ask me fer help. Stupid fool.”
“Um... Good morning, Mrs Smith,” Granny Smith looked over her shoulder.
“Why, Fluttershy,” she said, “What a pleasure to see you again.”
“Oh... uh, how are the chickens doing?” asked Fluttershy.
“They’re doin’ well,” said Granny, “That tonic you gave ‘em worked something fierce.”
“Good to hear... Uh...” Fluttershy rubbed her back legs together as she pondered how best to phrase her next sentence, “It’s... uh... Visiting hours at the hospital... I was wondering if you wanted to go see Applejack.”
“I’d like that,” Granny Smith turned, “Hey, Excolotis?” she shouted
“Yes?” he called back; carrying an arm full of branches and leaves.
“We’re goin’ up to th’ hospital!” Granny shouted, “Are y’ comin’ with!?”
“Sure,” called Excolotis, “I’ll just finish with this branch!”
“Ah, he’s a good soul,” smiled Granny, “A bit proud... but a good soul.”
“Yes,” agreed Fluttershy, “He is nice. Have you been having trouble with gophers lately?”
“No,” said Granny Smith, “It’s been clear sailing over here.”
“That’s strange,” said Fluttershy, “the road’s been all dug up... I thought that it was Gophers... but I guess I was wrong.”
Princess Luna moaned happily as she turned over in her warm bed. Sometimes, the feeling of cloth on your fur was a heavenly one. She stopped as her hoof bumped against something soft and yielding. She opened her eyes to look into a mismatched pair of eyes.
“Hi.” said Spider Script.
She swore and leapt out of bed as Spider Script laughed his head off at the Night Queen’s bluster.
“You... You...” she stammered.
“Ah ah ah,” said Spider Script, “Temper temper, I’m only having fun.”
“You STOLE!” Luna shouted, “Into MY SANCTUM! And you DARE TO TELL ME TO BE CALM!” Luna rose up from the floor as ethereal magic began to wisp around her; her eyes glowed white and a great wind began to blow the sheets from the bed.
“Why are you so angry, Princess,” said Spider Script, “I thought you liked a Stallion in your bed!”
“A STALLION IN MY BED!?” roared Luna, “I SHALL GIVE YOU A STALLION IN MY BED!”
“Oh, no thanks,” laughed Spider Script, “I prefer the Mares.”
“HOW DARE YOU-“
“What is happening here?” interrupted Celestia.
“THIS UPSTAR-“ began Luna, but she was interrupted by Celestia waving a hoof, “I am sorry, sister,” the magic wind died away, and Luna’s eyes returned to normal as she drifted back down onto the carpet, “this upstart has gone too far this time, he must be punished for his impudence and mischief!”
“What, exactly, did he do now?” asked Celestia.
“He snuck into my bed!” complained Luna.
“It was a joke!” said Spider Script “Can’t any of you take a gag?”
“Spider Script,” said Celestia, “I want you to go to the guest chambers and stay there until I come to deal with you.”
“Yes, your majesty.” Spider Script bowed low and trotted out of the room.
“Why does he listen to you and not me,” asked Luna, “If I ask him to do something he acts rude and aggravating.”
‘Because,” said Celestia, “Spider Script respects me. And he knows next to nothing about you.”
“He still stole into my chambers,” said Luna, “I want him to be punished for that.”
“And he will,” said Celestia, “but what you need to understand is this: Spider is like a child; a hyperactive attention whore of a child on a sugar high, but a child never the less.”
“So you... won’t punish him then?” asked Luna, confused by her sister’s choice of words.
“Oh he will still be punished,” said Celestia, “He will spend a day in the holding cells for this, but you must understand that he does like you.”
“He has an unusual method of showing it,” said Luna, sitting on her bed.
“If Spider didn’t like you,” said Celestia, opting to stand, “He would have nothing to show to you, except for barely restrained hatred. What was he like when you first met?”
“Rude, aggravating, crude,” said Luna, “He asked if ‘eating me out’ would make me pleased. He actually had barely restrained hatred for me, though I have begun to think that it was preferable to this. To be honest, I have entertained the idea of simply having him thrown out the castle; however, I am aware that you want him for your current efforts.”
“Yes, well,” said Celestia, “Spider is a moral vacuum and he’s completely disgusting, but he’s a loyal and a true friend. And his rants are something to be heard. He can be very amusing once you get to know him. Anyway, if he hated you he’d still be talking to you like that; this is how he tries to make friends.”
“Why would I want to be his friend?” asked Luna, “He is a braggart; cruel, and evil.”
“Trust me,” said Celestia, “You’ll get on like a house on fire.”
“Yes,” smiled Luna, “with flames and ponies running for their lives.”
Celestia gave her a Look, “Don’t be so literal minded, Luna.”
Applejack prodded at the daisy and lettuce sandwich on the bed table across her legs. Her jaw was no longer bandaged, though there were bald patches where the fur had yet to grow in. True to the nurse’s prediction, Applejack had been wheeled in for magical surgery that morning and they had fused her jawbone back together. They’d even replaced the teeth that the griffins had knocked out.
She had asked if she could keep the frame they’d put in to keep her jaw together, but they had told her that they needed it back. Applejack still wasn’t certain if she liked the ramifications of that. How many other ponies had those metal bolts twisted into their flesh? She shuddered to think about it; hospitals still creeped her out.
Applejack looked up as her friends trotted into the room. Except for Fluttershy, she just walked. Leaning down and under the door frame Excolotis squeezed into the room, yet even when he was through the door he had to crouch to avoid banging his head on the ceiling. Applejack smiled inwardly as he twisted to fit his bulk into the room without knocking down ponies or furniture, yet still leave enough room for him..
“Hi, Applejack,” said Twilight, “How are you doing?”
“Hey, girls,” said Applejack, “Ah’m doin’ better. They recon Ah should be out in a few days.”
“Oh, good heavens,” said Rarity, “What ever happened to you fur? It’s... well it’s got holes in it!”
“Oh, this?” said Applejack, “It’s where they put in th’ screws fer m’ jaw.”
“Screws?” gasped Rainbow, “Why would they put screws into your jaw?”
“To hold it together,” said Fluttershy; as one, the heads of every pony in the room turned to stare at Fluttershy. “Um... Yes?”
“How do you know that?” asked Rainbow.
“Um, well...” said Fluttershy, “I am a state paid wildlife ranger. I have the education; the certificates... even basic surgery skills.”
“Wait,” said Twilight, “You can perform surgery?”
“Well,” said Fluttershy, “It’s nothing big... I mean, sometimes I have to clean out a wound because it got infected and it’s begun to rot... or... or a leg might be shattered and I have to re set it... um...”
Fluttershy mewed and hid behind her mane at the curious (and slightly horrified) stares of her friends.
“Uh, sugar cube,” said Applejack, “Since when could you do that?”
“Um...” said Fluttershy, “its part of my... job...”
“Okay,” said Rainbow, “Fluttershy is actually pretty awesome. Did not see that coming.”
“Oh! Uh... Excolotis,” said Fluttershy, “That... uh... shipment... came today, so I won’t need your help.”
“That’s good.” said Excolotis.
“So, uh, don’t mean to be rude or nothin’” said Applejack, “But what about the farm?”
“Ah, don’t’chu worry ‘bout that,” said Granny Smith, “Excolotis here is helpin’ out. He’s not you though, so get well soon, y’hear?”
“Wait, Excolotis,” said Applejack, “God of War, Excolotis? Is a farmer?”
“He’s the god of...” stammered Granny, she wheeled around (Leaving a scuff mark on the floor. The cleaner complained about that) and dropped to one knee, “O’ Milord,” she said, “Please f’rgive me, I didn’t treat you with th’ respect you deserve!”
Excolotis stared at Granny, “Rise, Miss Smith, my name brings no honour.” he said “You are a better soul than I.”
The girls felt their knees twitch. The Royal Canterlot Voice made them kneel in terror and subservience, but this made them feel... hopeful. It echoed like the voice of a kindly father, one with infinite wisdom and understanding. ‘It’s very similar to Celestia’s voice, come to think of it;’ mused Twilight, ‘noble and powerful.’ Twilight blinked as she realised that this actually was something like the Royal Canterlot Voice. It was manipulative and echoing, reaching down into the heart and pulling on its strings.
“An’ the whole... farmin’ thing...” said Granny Smith, slowly and stiffly getting to her hooves.
“... I have no anger in my heart.” said Excolotis, “Though some may feel that I have been dishonoured, in truth I felt welcome. My assistance was given freely, and no shame shall be placed upon you.”
“Ah, well now,” Granny Smith nervously chuckled, “Tha’s a relief.”
“Yeah, well,” said Rainbow, “How much longer are you gonna be in here, Applejack?”
“Th’ nurse said I’ll be in here for a few more days,” said Applejack, “So I hope you can handle life on th’ farm for a few more days.”
“Hah,” laughed Excolotis, “I think that I can.”
“Don’t start laughin’ yet,” said Granny Smith, “You’ve yet to muck out the pig pens.”
“Oh! Oh!” said Pinkie Pie, “Is that some sort of training where you try to teach some important lesson? Like co-ordinating hand and eye!? Or is it to teach him obedience!? Or to bring home the importance of humility and the necessity of small tasks!? Is it to teach him that even great individuals must start at the bottom!? Or is it,” smirked Pinkie, “because you’re tired of being knee deep in pig crap?”
“Pinkie,” gasped Rarity as Rainbow cackled like a mad mare, “You shouldn’t say that!”
“I’m sorry,” said Pinkie, “Should I have said ‘pig shit’ instead?”
Rarity’s face settled through expressions as Fluttershy thumped a choking Rainbow on her back. It started at blank surprise, flickered briefly towards annoyance, stopped for a drink at amusement, before settling down and buying a house on recognizance. This was Pinkie Pie after all.
“It’s just that it’s rude, darling.” said Rarity, “You shouldn’t say that.”
“That was wrong, Pinkie.” said Twilight, “Funny, but wrong.”
“How dare you speak like that before an old mare?” asked Granny Smith. Pinkie looked down at her hooves and began to mutter apologies, before Granny Smith laughed.
“Ah’m just havin’ you on,” she laughed, “Ah am tired of being knee deep in pig crap! Applejack here would’ve cleaned out the pens today, but well...”
“Oh, sure,” smiled Applejack, “Ah’ll just head on back and waggle mah back legs in the air with the rake in my teeth, shouting ‘Help, help, Ah’ve fallen and Ah can’t get up!’ when I fall over ‘cause my legs aren’t healed yet.”
“On the plus side you’ll land on something soft,” said Pinkie, “On the downside, you’ll land on something soft!”
“Hehahahaaah!” coughed Applejack, “Ah, It hurts to laugh. Hahaha, ow...”
“Ah,” sighed Granny Smith, “It’s a pleasure to see you, sugar cube,” said Granny Smith, “But th’ day’s getting on, and Ah wanna see how Big Macintosh is gettin’ on. Get well, dear.”
“Happy trails,” beamed Applejack as Granny Smith went out the door, Excolotis pulled gently behind by the front of his cloak.
It was later that day when Twilight stepped into her front door, frowning as she thought of her next move. “Spike!” she yelled.
“Yes, Twilight?” said Spike as he trotted down the stairs, jumping down from one to the other, “You want to write a letter?”
“Yes,” said Twilight, “I think it’s time we left for Canterlot.”
Ever since the Changeling incident Celestia had become rather more paranoid about Twilight and her friends, often requiring notification in advance whenever they made plans to head elsewhere. Twilight could swear that they were being watched as well, but rather than making her nervous she felt safer somehow. Probably having something to do with the idea of having guards watching you to make sure you were safe.
Never the less, she quickly penned a letter detailing her plans. She wanted to leave for Canterlot within the day, hopefully in an hour. She quickly jotted down the letter on the fine parchment, sealing it with a dollop of yellow wax. She palmed it off to spike who quickly engulfed it in green flame.
Strangely enough, the response was almost instantaneous, and Twilight browsed over it quickly.
“What’s it say?” asked Spike, “Is there something wrong?”
“No Spike,” said Twilight, ‘It’s just that... Celestia wants me to bring Excolotis with me, and wants to see us both.”
“What?” gasped Spike, “Why would she want that?”
“I don’t know,” said Twilight, “But if the princess orders it...”
“I don’t get it,” said Spike, “Celestia almost never responds to these other than to say that she got our message.”
“Well,” said Twilight, “Excolotis is obviously pretty big. Literally and figuratively. Celestia probably wants to get him settled in as quickly as possible.”
“But why not do that here?” asked Spike.
“I don’t know Spike,” said Twilight, “And we won’t know until we get there. Get the bags, I’ll go and get Excolotis.”
Spike shook his head as Twilight shut the door behind her, “I just knew he’d be trouble.” he said.
Twilight stepped out of her front door, and almost ran straight into Fluttershy.
“Oh!” squeaked Fluttershy, “I’m sorry… I should’ve been watching where I was going…”
“Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “It’s alright. Now, I’m in a bit of a hurry, but I need to know what you’re doing here.”
“Oh, um well,” Fluttershy reached into her saddle bags and pulled out a lump tightly wrapped in greyish white paper, “The… uh… shipment came today, so here’s the… things for… well…”
“Oh!” Twilight hurriedly ran into her house/library with the bag, and came back out with a hand full of bits, “Right, thank you, I’ve been running a bit low on… mice…”
“Oh it’s no worry,” said Fluttershy, “Just make sure Owliscious only gets one or two a day.”
“Oh, um, Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “Excolotis and I will be gone for a few days, alright? Mind telling the girls?”
“I’m happy to help,” said Fluttershy, but as soon as she said that, Twilight was already out of the door and barrelling down the street, luggage floating behind and leaving an irritated Spike behind in the door, holding the paper package in his claws.
‘Sometimes,” admitted Spike, “I think I’ll never understand her.” He shook his head and went back inside.
Twilight was trotting along the road when she felt her hoof sink into the dirt. She looked down and saw that someone had dug up part of the road. She blinked. Why had someone done that? She pawed at the hole for a few moments, bringing up clods of loose dirt as she tried to figure out who had been digging into the packed earth.
Whoever had done it had used a flat blade, she could tell that much. The sides of the hole, though not even, were certainly straight and cleanly cut. She went back and pawed at the loose dirt, determined to get to the bottom of the mystery before her.
She paused when she saw the brown stains beneath the dirt. She sniffed at it, and noted the smell. ‘Like hot Iron’ she thought, ‘but what leaves a smell like that?’ She frowned at yet another mystery, but decided to get on with things. Perhaps someone else would know what the brown stain was.
Twilight found Excolotis in the orchards, plucking apples from the trees and putting them into baskets by his feet. Lounging in the shade sat Granny Smith, sipping a drink as Excolotis worked.
“Hey Mrs Smith,” said Twilight, setting the luggage next to the Apple family matriarch, “How is he doing?”
“Well,” said Granny, “He’s not what Ah’d call perfect. He’s not very fast, and it takes him ah while to get at th’ apples, but he’s workin’ steadily. Give me Applejack or Big Mac’ any day of th’ week.”
“Hmm.” said Twilight, “Well, I’m sorry to take him from you, but Celestia wants me to take him to Canterlot.”
“Ah well,” said Granny, “It’s ah shame to let him go, but if he’s needed, he’s needed, and there ain’t a thing we can do ‘bout that, is there?”
“Not really,” agreed Twilight, “Hey, Excolotis!?”
“Yes Twilight,” Excolotis called, “What do you need?”
“The princess wants to see you,” shouted Twilight, “Could you finish up so that we can get a move on?”
Excolotis nodded, and bent down to the basket at his feet. He picked them up and put them on a cart. “Walk with me.” he said.
“Now then” he said when Twilight trotted up next to him, “Mind telling me what those friendship reports you’ve been giving to Celestia are?”
“How did you know that?” asked Twilight, “Did Pinkie tell you?”
“I’m not that stupid, and Pinkie didn’t tell me anything.” said Excolotis, “You’ve been saying a lot of things. Now, what are they?”
“Ah, well,” said Twilight, a nervous smile stretching across her face, “I was sent to Ponyville to study the magic of friendship by Celestia as my Post Graduate studies. And whenever I have something to report I send one off to her.”
“I see,” said Excolotis. He stood in front of the cart, facing away from it, and bent down, taking the handles in his hands and lifting them up.
“Now mind explaining what Rainbow Dash is doing as a Bearer of the Element of Loyalty?”
“How did you...” Twilight sighed, “She told you, didn’t she?”
“Not directly,” said Excolotis, “But you should watch what you say if you want to keep secrets from me.”
“I’m not keeping secrets from you,” blustered Twilight, “Were friends, right? Friends don’t keep secrets from each other!”
Excolotis looked at Twilight, then set off, cart in tow. “We are friends,” said Excolotis, “So do me that one favour and stop lying to me. Now what is Rainbow Dash doing as a bearer of the Element of Loyalty?”
“Well,” said Twilight, “I’ll have to go back a bit... You see, a thousand years ago Luna became overcome with anger because she was being... well... ignored by her subjects. She became twisted by her bitterness and transformed into Nightmare Moon. She then tried to over throw Celestia and rule the realms. Celestia was then forced to banish Nightmare Moon to... well the moon until recently, when she escaped and defeated Celestia.”
“So we; Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy and myself set out to defeat Nightmare Moon and restore order. At first I had no idea what I was doing, heh, but then I managed to figure it out. We used the Elements to restore Nightmare Moon back into her ordinary self and Celestia took Luna back to Canterlot and... well... things have been going pretty fine since then.”
“Luna...” mused Excolotis, “Well; Luna always did hate being ignored. How long did it take for her to become like that?”
“I don’t know,” admitted Twilight, “But some have said that it must of have been something external. You don’t just turn into a monster like that over night. A mouse doesn’t become a snake just like that.”
“Right,” said Excolotis, “And now... what does Celestia want with me?”
“How did...” Twilight said, setting off after Excolotis, “You heard didn’t you?”
“Yes,” frowned Excolotis, “I did. You told me; not five minutes ago. Now I’ll ask again, what does Celestia want with me?”
“I’m... not sure,” admitted Twilight, “all I know is that Celestia told me to bring you with me when I went to Canterlot.”
“And where is Canterlot?” asked Excolotis, “It did not exist back when I was around, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“Do you see the mountain?” asked Twilight.
“Yes?”
“And do you see the small white castle on the side?”
“Yes?”
“That is Canterlot.”
Excolotis nodded, “That is a day’s forced march from here, what time do we leave?”
“Well,” said Twilight “Is there anything you want to pack?”
“I have everything I need on my back, apart from the clothes that Rarity made.”
“Ah, good,” said Twilight, “So just put the cart down in the barn and we’ll be off. But we aren’t walking.”
“If we aren’t walking,” said Excolotis, “How are we getting there?”
“What in Tartarus is that!?” shouted Excolotis above the whistle.
Twilight waited for the whistle to die away, “It’s a train,” she said calmly, giving her luggage to “And it’s how were getting to Canterlot.”
“What’s a train!?” asked Excolotis. He bent down and picked up the sack with his business casual outfit.
“That’s a train,” said Twilight, pointing to the metal steam engine and carriages, “It’s a steam operated engine that uses rapidly shifting pressures to give rotary power to the wheels. We’ll be in the wooden carriages there.”
“Hm, so why are still here?” asked Excolotis.
“Because we need to buy tickets,” said Twilight, “We don’t own the train, so we must pay for the right to use the train. The tickets show that we have paid for the right to use said train.”
“Okay then,” said Excolotis, “So where do we get the tickets?”
“Over here.”
“So what do you think of the train Excolotis?” asked Twilight, “Having fun?”
“This is an amazing device!” said Excolotis, gauntleted hands steadying him against the swaying of the train as he stared out the window, “A steel engine with the strength of a thousand stallions that never tires or needs rest! Just give it the fuel and it will go forever and a day!”
“Pretty amazing when you put it like that,” smiled Twilight.
“And the applications!” beamed Excolotis, “Thousands of soldiers moved from one city to another in but hours instead of days; fresh and ready for war. No tired, smelly stallions and mares weary from a long march! Or you could move food, or weapons or other supplies! This changes everything!”
“Heh,” Twilight giggled nervously, “I guess it does...”
“Oh, don’t mind me;” said Excolotis, “I’m just a bit excited about all this.”
The train compartment was just large enough for Excolotis to stand without having to lean down. He had taken the opportunity to stretch out on one of the lounges, which he used as a sort of chair when he was not moving around the train swaying drunkenly as it rattled back and forth.
His eyes sparkled with excitement and his mouth was curved in a permanent smile, showing his sharp teeth as he laughed as the train gave a sudden lurch. His helm was tied to his belt by a leather hoop, allowing him to move about and freely use both his hands.
Excolotis began to sing softly as he stared through the window.
“Here, at the edge, I wonder... Here, at this place... I ponder. The edge, of my mighty sword, will flash; fallen my axe, helmets smashed!”
“Glory, and fame! Blood, is my name! Soul, full of thunder, heart of steel! Killer of mares, a warrior’s friend; sworn, to avenge my fallen brothers, to the end!”
“Excolotis,” Twilight frowned, “Surely you know more songs than bloody ones.”
“Not really...” Excolotis admitted.
“Uh...” Twilight thought for a moment, “Want to play a game to pass the time?”
“What game?”
“Is it an animal?” asked Twilight.
“Yes.”
“Is it... furry?”
“No...”
“Does it... have feathers?
“Nope.”
“So it’s reptilian...”
“Yes.”
“That wasn’t a question!” protested Twilight, “Can we ignore that?”
“No. You have fifteen questions left...”
“What? We’re counting that?”
“Yes. Fourteen.”
“Oh, come on!? Is that fair!?”
“No. Thirteen and counting...”
Twilight glared at Excolotis, whose face was split by a massive grin.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Twelve questions left.”
“Gah!”
“I spy... with my little eye... something starting with W.”
Excolotis glanced around the train carriage, “Is it... a window?”
“No.”
“Hmm.” Excolotis rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at Twilight. “Wind?”
“You can’t see wind,” said Twilight, “Only its effects, so it doesn’t count.”
Excolotis tapped the wooden banister as he thought. “Windmill?”
“What?” said Twilight, “Where’s the windmill?”
“Over there,” pointed Excolotis, “You can see it from here.”
“Oh, yeah...”
Eventually, the train pulled into the station with a gentle hiss. The train platform itself was a rather simplistic affair carved from white stone, in and of itself simply large stone slabs set up so that the train could pull in and deposit its passengers. Few, if any ponies were at the station, partly because the train itself only went from backwater to backwater, partly because it wasn’t the busy times, but mostly because of pony kind’s natural dislike for travelling.
For the most part, ponies tended to stay where they were born, entire towns setting up and growing slightly until they merged with other nearby towns. Travel throughout the realms was rare, with very few deciding to leave their home towns. It was actually starting to reach the point where ponies from settlements literally less than a week’s travel were starting to develop marked physical characteristics. It also meant that segregation was distressingly common, with nearly most of Canterlot being populated with Unicorns.
Celestia herself was trying to get the population to mix up to avoid the three pony types splitting into breeds, but inevitably, the inherent xenophobic nature of pony kind made that next to impossible. Still, assigning the more tolerant ponies to postings helped tremendously.
Yet despite all this it was inevitable that racism was still relevant, especially amongst the upper echelons. Many of Canterlot didn’t even acknowledge or even care that there was an outside world. Many of them simply thought that food and other products turned up out of the blue, but the population of one point two million had to be fed. Had to be clothed. Had to be entertained.
Every day, carts of goods came in from the freight trains. Nearly a hundred cart loads of eggs came into the city every day. Hundreds of tonnes of apples and apple products were eaten by the city. Hundreds of thousands of cows gave milk for the city, entire legions worked for the city without even seeing it, except in the distance; forests were cut down for the city, and carts and wagons and trains and carriages of goods, of hay, of flour, of clay, of metal every minute of every hour of every damn day...
Canterlot wasn’t a city, it was a process; a vast, swollen thing that would never be sated, couldn’t be sated, that sat on the map and twisted the land around it for hundreds of miles, and only a few grasped just what that actually meant. This was the city. And it just doesn’t exist because you think it does. A lot of work went into it. And while it worked, no one cared.
Disposal was a problem too. Consider the ponies. Do the Math. A pony craps twice a day, disposing of roughly three and a half cups of faecal matter per day. Three point five times one million equals three point five million cups of shit every day, and it has to go somewhere. You probably can’t imagine just how much that is, so here’s a nice visual reminder. Imagine a soccer pitch. Now stack bricks of pony crap about knee high. That is how much shit is crapped out every day. Now imagine a week’s worth; a month’s worth.
Has to go somewhere, right?
And this was the second thing about Canterlot, something that wasn’t in the brochures (Or wouldn’t be if Equestria actually had tourism) and most certainly wasn’t something that was well known. Canterlot wasn’t built on the side of a mountain; Canterlot was built into the mountain.
Behind about two feet of rock lay chambers and caverns hollowed out by ponies to make room for warehouses, vast vats of fresh drinking water drained from above the mountain, and sewerage treatment plants. The other problem was that Canterlot simply didn’t get the water it needed from rainfall. While most towns relied on rivers Canterlot didn’t have any such thing, so the sewerage treatment plants helped to keep the ponies watered.
Vast magical vats the size of swimming pools stirred and steamed under the cold light of electricity, taking fresh drinking water from the stinking mess that was the result of a million ponies living in one cramped space and pumping it back into the fresh water tanks.
Of course, all of this was lost upon most, and it was certainly lost upon Twilight. But Excolotis was never one to stop thinking. He knew what it meant to feed an army, and that intellect and genius for logistics had been repurposed by Celestia nearly four thousand years ago towards running a city and making sure that the populace was kept fed, watered, housed, and clothed.
This probably went a long way to explaining why Excolotis wandered after Twilight in a sort of haze, sack over his shoulder.
“Are you okay?” asked Twilight, “You’re kind of quiet.”
“Hm?” Excolotis turned from gaping at the boulevards and tall buildings to look at Twilight, “Ah, no I’m just lost in thought.”
Behind the two, a fair number of Ponies had decided to follow Excolotis and Twilight. Never the less, though he got a lot of stares there wasn’t any panic as of yet. While ponies got out of his way as he walked past, and he did get a few ponies running away and families holding on to their children a bit more closely, yet they didn’t really react too badly all things considered.
As Twilight walked along, Excolotis began to look up and down the street, frowning as he looked around.
“What’s wrong?” asked Twilight, “Are the ponies bothering you?”
“It’s this place,” said Excolotis, “It makes me uneasy.”
“Okay...” said Twilight “How so?”
“It’s... open...” Excolotis explained, “The roads are arranged on a grid. The roads themselves are wide and straight, only gently curving in some areas. The buildings are high up, which will play merry hell with acoustics. It will also be impossible to mount any sort of co-ordinated defence, though an attack will be rather easy to pull off. “
“The high buildings are solid, but that’ll just funnel any sort of area of attack along the main streets. It will also act as a funnel for defensive troops which will definitely hinder any sort of movement, and while that means that a few high powered unicorns could hold a location, it works both ways. I’d simply use a flame based attack, probably in the form of vast gouts of fire, and that’d clear these streets as easy as anything.”
“The buildings themselves are arranged in a tier formation, with many houses simply stacked upon others. Give me five unicorns talented in demolitions and I could probably level half of the city in less than an hour.”
“All in all,” Excolotis said, “this place is almost impossible to hold against a determined attacker. He who owns the skies owns the city, simple as that.”
“Okay...” said Twilight, “It’s not like I wanted to sleep tonight.”
“Sorry,” Excolotis said uncertainly, “I just know this sort of thing. So... yeah, this is just a simple glance and I can tell all that already… Sorry.”
In time, they came up to Castle Canterlot itself. The front drawbridge sat over a moat, a ditch dug about several feet deep and shored up on one end by the stone wall. The wall itself was a solid chunk, yet it and of itself was built over a flattened patch of earth. It was obvious that magic had gone into the construction of the building.
The castle had fluted towers, banners flying from the smooth white marble. Each inch of the building was sparkling as if it was coated with a magical aura, so well polished was the stone. As Excolotis took small steps to stay next to Twilight, the guard straightened up perceptibly, grasping the shafts of their spears even more closely. Excolotis stared at them for a long moment before hurrying after his purple guide.
“Things have changed,” he said.
The inside of the walls were even more amazing, open gardens and immaculate lawns stretching across. White stone pathways crisscrossed in a circular pattern with spokes connecting them all. Upon the grass grew the occasional sculpted fir tree with ponies lounging under a few, some eating their lunch.
As Twilight led Excolotis through the gardens a tawny stallion approached. Unlike most he did not pause in his steps as he approached. As he got closer Twilight could see that he had blue eyes and his hair was a deeper brown. His Cutie Mark was that of a folder.
“Lady Twilight,” he said “would you be so kind as to come with me?”
“Where will you take us?” asked Excolotis.
“Her Majesty Princess Celestia has instructed that I bring you to her study,” the stallion said, “Any further questions must wait. I am not authorised to talk to you, other than to tell you to follow me, where we are going, my name, and that I am not allowed to talk to you.”
“Uhm,” said Twilight, “So what is your name?”
“My name is Brown File,” he said. Brown File rotated upon one hoof in an act of grace that would of have made Rarity swoon and set off towards the main gates. Twilight shrugged and set off, Excolotis following a bit more slowly, his head turning left and right.
Rainbow Dash sped along to Fluttershy’s house. After having checked the farm and Twilight’s house slash library she had flown into a panic. Where was Twilight? Where was Excolotis? She didn’t know, but Rainbow Dash vowed that she’d find out. She dived hard as she flew directly over Fluttershy’s house, heading down on a landing right onto her lawn.
“Hey, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash landed on the ground with a small thud, “Y’home?”
There was no answer.
“Fluttershy?” called Rainbow, edging around the tree house. She snapped her head at the sound of a wooden thunk, and began to trot in the direction of the sound. “Fluttershy?”
Moving her way across the lawn she came up to a wooden shed with a single narrow window, set high up in the wall. Again, she heard a loud thunk, followed by a series of slower wooden thumps. Rainbow dash opened the door, and froze.
Fluttershy stood on her hind legs in front of a bench, her wings held out behind her to keep her steady. In one hoof she held a long knife, a loop of fabric keeping the knife secured in her grip. In front of her lay a pig’s corpse, probably no older than three or four years. Knife in hoof, Fluttershy quickly slashed around the pig’s neck in quick sawing motions. She flipped the pig, and quickly sliced up the other side of the neck, before twisting the head a full one hundred and eighty degrees.
Rainbow Dash went green.
With a quick flash of her knife Fluttershy sliced between the vertebrae in the pig’s neck, and then pushed the head to one side; in less than a minute she had decapitated the pig. That was all too much for Rainbow, and she emptied her stomach on the floor.
Fluttershy turned as she heard the splashing noise and squeaked, “R-Rainbow!?”
Rainbow Dash staggered out of the wooden shed, her stomach heaving as she tried to process what she had seen.
“Rainbow!?” Fluttershy ran out of the shed, knife gone and worry and fear across her face, “Rainbow, wait!’
“I’m fine!” said Rainbow, waving a hoof as she heaved again, “Just... just give me a moment...”
Rainbow swallowed, and turned to face Fluttershy, “What was that I saw in there?”
"Well... um...” Fluttershy fidgeted, “That was... um... do you remember the shipment that I talked about...?”
“Yeah?” Rainbow said, sitting down and taking deep breaths.
“Well... Um... I have to feed the animals...” Fluttershy flinched, “But not all of them are herbivores or omnivores...”
“Oh, Celestia no...”
“So... So... so...” stammered Fluttershy, staring at a patch of dirt in front of her, “So the... the Resources Department sends out these... boars... which are... relatives of pigs...”
“Hoo...”
“And... and then I cut them up in... in my shed...” Fluttershy looked at her hooves, “So... so I... I can f... feed the bears and... and the...”
“Okay then!” shouted Rainbow, her eyes open far too wide and a thin lipped smile on her face, “I think I get the picture! SO! Have you seen Twilight!?”
“Oh... um...” Fluttershy sighed, relived that the conversation had steered away from her shed, “She’s gone to Canterlot. With Excolotis. To see the princess.”
“Okay! Yeah! Great!’ said Rainbow, “I’m going to go see Tank! Let’s talk about this NEVER!”
Rainbow Dash sped off at her full speed, leaving Fluttershy standing in her back yard. “Ooh, I hope you don’t hate me, Rainbow Dash,” she whispered, “Please don’t be mad.”
Filthy Rich walked from stall to stall, basket in his mouth. He sniffed at a pallet of tomatoes, rolling them in his hooves as he looked for the ripe ones. Reaching into his saddlebags, he took out his purse and counted out a half dozen coins to give to the stall keeper.
Taking the tomatoes in his basket, he trotted over to a bench to sit and rest his hooves.
“Mind if I sit here?”
Filthy Rich groaned as Horsefly heaved his bulk onto the bench. “I’ve been thinking about my weight.” said Horsefly, “It’s getting a bit out of control, hm? I’m thinking of getting some more exercise.”
“It is getting a bit much.” admitted Filthy, ‘any fatter and you’ll be rolling to work.’ He added in the privacy of his mind.
“I must admit, I’m a bit worried,” said Horsefly, “Some of my workers haven’t shown up today. I do hope that haven’t done anything stupid, but you know griffins.”
“Yeah.” said Filthy, taking a sudden interest in the bush next to him, “Seen Blueblood recently?”
“Funny thing,” said Horsefly, “But the rumour on the grape vine is that he’s going to be entertaining Excolotis.”
“Ah?” Filthy’s ears perked as he turned to face Horsefly, “He’s travelling to Canterlot?”
“Well, you didn’t hear it from me,” said Horsefly, “but apparently, Celestia’s lost faith in her guards.”
“Hmm.”
“Oh, by the way,” said Horsefly, “Why are you here? I thought you had servants for this sort of thing.”
“Well,” said Filthy, “This is how my Pa did it, and this is how I do it, and it’s worked out pretty well so far. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it as my Pa used to say.”
“Yes, well, you new money chaps have always been like that,” said Horsefly, “That’s just not how it’s done, hm? That’s what commoners are for.”
“Yes, well,” Filthy turned away, “I suppose I see things differently.”
“You must know your place,” said Horsefly, waving his hoof for emphasis, “You’re better than them; you’re above them. They are the servant, and you are the master.”
Filthy grunted, “I’ll take that under advisement.”
“Well,” said Horsefly, “Listen to your betters and all that, cheerio.”
Horsefly slid off the sagging bench and slowly walked down the street. When he was halfway, Filthy could see him actively sweating.
Filthy waited until Horsefly was gone. “That evil little shit...” He cursed, “Old money? You are the master? What a fat piece of crap!”
Celestia sat at her desk, and stared at the metal orbs in front of her. There were seven in total, each made from polished steel and strung up by a length of plastic to a metal frame in a straight line. She tapped her forehoof upon her desk impatiently, and took one of the balls in her telekinetic grip.
Clack... Clack...
In a perfect display of physics, the steel orb crashed into its brothers, sending another flying as the force was sent along the group. It was strangely hypnotic, and Celestia found herself staring; her mind slipping away with the steady clack... clack... clack... of the strange toy.
Her back began to ache again, her hind legs beginning to give their little twinges of pain as her painkillers began to wear off.
‘Not now.’ Celestia thought, reaching into her desk drawer and pulling out a white bottle in a golden glow. She popped the lid and lifted out two pills, quickly biting down on them and scowling at the bitter taste.
She jumped when a hoof politely knocked on her door, making her drop the bottle on the thick red carpet. The sun goddess cursed and quickly scooped as many pills as she could find into the bottle, before jamming on the lid and dropping the little plastic container back into its drawer. Celestia cleared her throat and straightened slightly, gently shutting the desk.
“Come in.” she said.
The door opened, and in trotted Twilight, Excolotis bending at the waist to fit through the door. Celestia sighed inwardly as he stooped to avoid banging his head upon the ceiling; even with the extra room afforded by the architechure, he still ran the risk of banging his head on any low hanging fixtures. She kept her face neutral as she noted that he was still wearing his full plate. By now she had hoped that Excolotis would of have seen fit to remove it. But then again, Excolotis never did feel safe without it.
“How are you doing, Excolotis?” she asked.
“Not as well as I would of have liked.” He said, “But then again, I suppose that the day could of have been worse.”
“And how are you, Twilight?” Celestia said, turning towards the purple unicorn, “I trust that you didn’t have too much trouble.”
“The... Incident at the barn was... unpleasant.” Admitted Twilight, “but I’ve gotten over that by now.”
“I’m sure that you both have questions,” said Celestia,” but I’m afraid that they will have to wait; we don’t have a lot of time. Excolotis, I need you to head straight to the barracks. Once there, speak to the captain of the Guard. His name is Shining Armour. I want you to bring yourself up to speed, and I also give you my authority to perform an inspection of the Guard; I expect a report upon them later this evening. Twilight, walk with me.”
Celestia rose from her chair, and began to walk out of the room, but stopped when an armoured arm was raised in front of her. “Celestia...” said Excolotis.
“...Excolotis...” Celestia looked up at Excolotis. The height difference was staggering, even at the tip of her horn, Celestia only just reached Excolotis’ belt. They stood there for a few seconds; the tension thickening around them.
“...Nothing.” Excolotis lowered his arm, “I want to speak to you later.”
“Very well...” said Celestia, “If you need a guide, speak to one of the guards. They’ll help you.”
Celestia left Excolotis in the study, sweeping Twilight up in her wake, and so they walked down the hall, leaving the War God alone. Excolotis moved to the desk, his footfalls muffled by the thick carpet. He looked at the clean surface of the desk, before kneeling down onto the floor. His gauntlet stretched out, and Excolotis plucked an oval stone from the floor. He held it up, and read the writing carved onto it.
“20mg Flupirtine...”
He put the oval stone in a fold of cloth, and quickly moved out into the hallway.
“Guard,” he said, “Take me to your Guard Captain. I would have words with him. And you can carry the sack.”
Part Nine: The Truth.
Princess Celestia walked down the hallway, Twilight Sparkle keeping up easily. “Princess Celestia,” she said, “Is there something wrong with Excolotis?”
“No, Twilight,” Celestia said, “There is nothing wrong. I expect that he has some... concerns and wants to voice them as quickly as he can.”
“Oh. So... Where are we going?” Twilight asked.
“You need to know the truth, Twilight,” said Celestia, “and the only one who can tell you that is currently in the cells.”
They walked in silence.
“Twilight?” asked Celestia.
“Yes?”
“Are you... Are you still angry with me?”
Twilight stopped. “Princess,” she said, “I can’t say that I fully understand what was happening back then. But after what happened at the barn, I think I get it. There are some who don’t want friendship. Some who only want to hurt you, and if you plead and beg and promise friendship, they’ll just kill you and laugh at your corpse.”
“I’m sorry that you had to find out about that.” said Celestia.
“So am I.”
Excolotis stepped into the training yard, blinking as the light shone in his eyes. It was already late at night and the sun was going down. A number of guards stood around, lounged around or chatted with friends whilst cleaning equipment. Nearly all of them stopped to stare at the giant amongst them. Excolotis breathed in and stood tall and proud, whereas before he had moved uncertainly, looking all around in wonder. He wore the yard like a jungle cat wears the trees. His confidence and strength caused all who looked at him to stare, and then chuckle.
“Hey,” said one, nudging his friend, “Look at this; he thinks that he owns the place.”
“Heh,” laughed the other, “We’ll show him what it means to be a guard.”
The yard itself was about five hundred meters long, and three hundred meters wide. The ground was green grass, cut short. Bleachers were erected on one side, along with a viewing box for Celestia and Luna. A large white wall, about ten or twelve feet tall, stood along the borders.
Excolotis turned as a pony coughed next to him. The pony was a white unicorn stallion, neon blue hair hung long, but still out of his eyes. He wore the typical barding of the guard, but whereas the rest wore golden uniforms he wore a purple outfit. “You’re Excolotis, right?” said the unicorn, a frown stretching across his face, “My name’s Shining Armour and I’m the Captain of the Guard here.”
“Is that so?” said Excolotis.
“Yes...” said Shining, “Celestia already informed me of your arrival.”
“Alright then...” Excolotis looked at the guards, “I’ve been told to evaluate the guard’s abilities in battle, with a report ready in about four or so hours.”
“Ah, so shall we get started?” asked Shining Armour.
“No.” said Excolotis, “You will get started, and I will be watching. I’ll tell you what you need to do, don’t worry.”
“Then... what are you doing here?” asked Shining, “You can’t just sit here and pass the time, not in my yard.”
“Well, now that you mention it...” said Excolotis, “You can help me figure out what this is.”
Excolotis reached into the folds of his robes and pulled out a white tablet.
“That’s a tablet.” said Shining.
Excolotis stared at Shining, “Let’s assume I don’t know what that is.”
“You know,” Shining armour said, waving a hoof, “Medicine? Uh... You know what a potion is? Well it’s kind of like that, except without any water and the magic powder is compressed into a rock.”
“Right...” said Excolotis, “Now where can I find an Apothecary?”
“...Alright, now let’s assume that I don’t know what that is.” said Shining.
“A healer,” said Excolotis, “One who makes medicines to help alleviate diseases and discomforts.”
“You mean like a Chemist or something?” said Shining, “What, do you need medicine or something?”
“Stupid language,” Excolotis groaned, “No, I need to find someone who can tell me what this medicine is!”
“Celestia told you to go give an evaluation,” said Shining, “I won’t help you disobey her orders.”
Excolotis stared at Shining. “You’re right...” he said, “I am supposed to be doing an evaluation, but like I said, that will be your job. Fine, if you can find someone who can tell me what this is we’ll get started.”
“Whatever,” said Shining, “I’ll be glad to be rid of you; I don’t need you telling me how to do my job.”
Excolotis smiled and leaned down to shining Armour. It was an expressive smile.
For comparison, when Celestia smiles it says; “You are just a darling! I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you’re happy, ‘cause you’re my child, and I love you! Give me a hug!”
This smile doesn’t. This smile said, “You are as an insignificant speck, an insufferable blight on my existence and you only exist because I allow it. Your life, like my patience, is about to come to an end. I will kill you, rape your wife, and enslave your children. Your works will be toppled, and I shall salt your lands. Your servants shall be impaled upon great spikes of iron; a sight for me to enjoy in my evening meal, and your guards will be my sustenance on those nights. I will commit evils that your aunts, uncles, and cousins will die in such pain and suffering that they will curse your very name through mouthfuls of their own blood. Then I will masturbate furiously over your corpses and burning lands, because I get off on that. The deluge of blood, gore and semen will be as such that if I played a recording of ‘Shoop Be Doo’ everyone will rush to the lake of red and white to see the sea ponies.”
It was a... very expressive smile.
“Would you like to rephrase that?” He said.
“What I meant to say was,” said Shining, taking a few steps back, “I’m sure you’re very busy and I’d hate to take up your time!”
“Better.” Excolotis straightened, “Now, your stallions and mares are going to do a six kilometre run in full gear, and then demonstrate their skills on dummies with fifteen blows from each weapon. After that they will do another six kilometre run. I will be watching and evaluating your ponies the entire time, though I am not going to interfere in any way.”
Twilight and Celestia stepped down into the castle dungeons. The dungeons were actually fairly clean, with bright globes set into the white marble ceiling and a clean swept floor. Set along the middle of the corridor was a long gutter, which was designed to flush waste out into a septic tank.
Funnily enough a Unicorn had managed to get his magic inhibitor off once, and then cast a shrinking spell so that he could fit into the drains. He was not happy when the guards fished him out with an oversized net, normally used for getting rid of rubbish.
The guards were even more miserable when they had to scrub him down. Some of them were earth ponies.
At the end of the hallway in his own cell sat Spider Script, sitting on his bed and staring at the ceiling.
“Twilight, this is Spider Script,” said Celestia motioning with her hoof with every name, “Spider Script, Twilight Sparkle. Now I’ve got a few things to do, so if you don’t mind...” And with that, she walked off.
“Sooo...” said Twilight, ‘Why are you in prison?”
“Well...” said Spider Script, “I’m in here for rape, arson, murder, and rape.”
Twilight blinked, “You said rape twice.”
“I like rape.” Said Spider, “Nah, actually I played a bit of a prank on Luna, and so I’m in here for the day so that I learn a bit of respect for the Lunar Princess. And secondly, these are the holding cells, not prison. Not as much anal, so there’s a bit of a difference; easier not to have to worry about the soap.”
Twilight stared at Spider, “Riiiiight... So Celestia said that you know the truth about Excolotis.”
“Oh, him?” Spider swung his legs off the bed and landed on his feet with a clop, “Yeah, I know of his involvement way back during the second Equestria. Basically, he’s the third co-founder of equestria; disgraced, obviously.”
‘Why?” said Twilight, “What did he do?”
“Well,” said Spider, “We’ll have to go back a bit. So let’s start at the beginning. To be blunt, records going back that far are rare; they simply didn’t survive the passage of time. But from what I know, it all started with Luna and Celestia finally beating Discord, and thank fuck for that.”
“To put it bluntly, the Royal Sisters meant well, but they were... well stupid. They didn’t quite grasp what it meant to defend an empire so they kinda sat around like dumbasses while the ponies under their care got picked off by all sorts of nasties left over from Discord’s reign. I mean, no offense, but they had no real idea what they were doing. They’d build huts, and towns, and villages where possible, but it was only a matter of time before some wandering shit fucks would show up and ruin everything.”
“Basically, you’d end up with some folks trying desperately to scrape together what was left of their miserable, fucked up existence before these ass monkeys would show up and fuck things over, and the Princesses were completely fucking helpless. But there was this one guy; this scary, balls out insane mother fucker who knew how to protect the innocent, fucked up train wrecks that were ponies.”
“This guy was Excolotis. And he was the hardest little fucker who ever showed up. He took no shit, he was brutal, and I mean brutal! According to the tales anything stupid enough to attack him got fucked six ways to Sunday! There are reports of him hacking things to death, stomping their heads in, ripping them apart with his hands, impaling them upon wooden spikes; you name it, he’s done it at one point or another.”
“His lists of victims include dragons for fuck’s sake! Dragons!”
“Small problem is, while he was good at the whole ‘brutally murder everything in sight’ part, he sucked at everything else. That’s where Celestia comes into the picture. She shows up one day, whilst Excolotis is walking around looking for something to fight, and somehow manages to convince him to help them out and turn the monsters and raiders into his own personal cock sleeve bitches.”
“What happens next is the bloodiest part of Second Equestrian history.”
“Under Excolotis, the ponies are turned into the most brutal, hard core mother fuckers in existence. The territory of Equestria doubles in about fifteen years as he leads Equestria to victory after victory, crushing, subjugating, or annihilating everything they came across in a bid to create a new empire built on the bloody corpses of anything retarded enough to stand in their way.”
“Meanwhile, on the other side of the central channel, the gryphons had concentrated into their own empire, under Marbod, king of the Marcomanni. They then sent a few friends over towards Equestria, back when the kingdom was near what is now Deutschland. They set themselves up; raiding parties, villages, and eyries cropping up like mushrooms all the way over there, and Equestria got into border disputes with Marcomann from time to time.”
“Everything’s going along more or less violently with the occasional dispute as gryphons pick off the occasional lone pony for dinner. Border disputes keep going on from time to time, small skirmishes and the usual stuff. Anyway, this goes on for about a hundred or so years until the dragon migration. Now the big problem was that right between the Badlands, also known as the Dragon Hatching Grounds, and the two largest dragon realms at the time, was Equestria.”
“Three guesses as to what happened next, first two don’t count.”
“Equestria ends up a smoking ruin, with nearly every major city a smoking ruin in and of itself, so Celestia and Luna say it’s time to pack up and move. Now there was a bit of a dispute as to who should go where. Add to that the fact that vast numbers of ponies were scattered, and you’ve got one massive cluster fuck. So somewhere in the group of about seven hundred ponies start to wander off in a random direction: directly towards Marbod.”
“The gryphons, for whatever reason, take exception to that, and... and brutally murdered them. They killed nearly all of them; ripped the corpses apart, and they nailed the heads to trees. The corpses were scattered over three square kilometres. The handful of survivors who crawled back to Equestria on a river of blood and intestines told bone-chilling stories of insane slaughter – brutally butchered ponies who were trying to surrender on the battlefield, ambushed by an endless sea of warriors armed with gigantic fucking axes. Those ponies unlucky enough to be taken alive were thrown down and hacked apart on stone altars as offerings to the gods or thrown in spike pits for shits and giggles.”
“Excolotis was the first to find the survivors.”
“He flipped the fuck out, I mean really lost it, and went into the uncharted wilderness of Germany on a four year vengeance campaign aimed at three things – First, to find the site of the massacred and bury the bodies of the fallen. Second, to bring those responsible back to Equestria, and Third, to kill as many of the Marcomanni as was possible, until all that remained of the tribes of Marcomann were a gigantic lake of blood stretching from one end of the world to the other.”
“Shortly after setting off, he came across the site of the massacre. The first thing Excolotis saw when he got there was the little present the Gryphons had left for him: the skulls nailed to the tree trunks throughout the forest.”
“Excolotis took down the skulls, collected the bones of the dead, performed the last rites on the bodies, and buried the ponies with full military honours”
“Then he got really pissed.”
“He went into the lands of the Marsi tribe. He routed them on the battlefield, chased them back to their cities, then burned down their cities and massacred every cock, hen, and chick he could find. Then he attacked the Chatti, and did pretty much the same thing, burning every settlement in the entire region and then laughing his ass off while overlooking the charred remains. After that he marched against the Cherusci, the masterminds behind the massacre. After a fierce battle, Excolotis drove the chieftain Arminius from the field, captured his homeland, and took Arminius as a prisoner. He then marched all the way back to Celestia and Luna with his prisoner in tow to wait for whatever passed for justice back then.”
Arminius stared as he watched his city burn. The ponies had sent volley after volley of boulders coated in burning pitch. It was obvious they were not taking his lands. This was extermination. The gryphon warlord sat down on a stool as his squire used a cloth and bucket of water to clean the blood from a long day of fighting. Armed gryphons ran past him, their voices raised in shouting as the ponies came at the inner gates of the keep time and time again. Already, the walls were breached, and it was only a matter of time before the city fell. The squire held up a mirror for Arminius to look at himself in a mirror, as the keep shook with another great impact.
His breast plate shone, the golden engravings showing the sigils of his house, a golden lion against a field of flames. His gauntlets and spaulders were in place, held tight to his body with leather straps.
He hefted his great sword from its holder on his back, a black nightmare of a blade easily as long as he was and nearly a talon’s span wide forged from Dragon’s Glass, a tough materiel made from the remains of a field after a dragon was done burning it to the ground nearly one hundred years ago.
His bracers fitted over his fore arms, though his talons were uncovered. Rearing back onto his hind legs, Arminius checked the faulds that protected his hips and the half greaves on his legs that were keeping blades from touching his flesh.
Squaring his shoulders, Arminius stepped out onto the battlements on his paws as a great crash echoed up from the stairs, soon joined by the roar and crash of battle. A few seconds later a pair of ponies ran up the stairs in mail armour, their spears held up and ready.
The first lunged at him with the spear, and Arminius stepped aside and took the haft, snapping it out of the pony’s grip and sending it along the stone walls. The pony died in a single overhead blow, his guts slipping out from his shattered torso.
The second pony jabbed with his spear, keeping Arminius away with its reach. The gryphon warlord moved fast, though, and with a single lunge moved past the spear and almost sliced the pony in half with an upwards swing, sending a red spray onto his beaked face.
Arminius wiped off the blood and stared over the smoking ruins of his home as the sound of battle continued until he heard the clank of sabatons coming up the stairs.
He turned, and looked up into the face of a God.
Excolotis glared at Arminius through his twin visor helm, his eyes kept dark behind a thin sight. Without a word, he lifted up a black bronze kite shield up to cover his body and legs as his right arm came back into a stabbing pose with a blue tinted straight sword.
Arminius looked up at Excolotis, who was only a head taller than him. “Wieso?” he asked, tears forming in his eyes, “Wieso hast du das getan? Womit haben wir das verdient?”
“Womit hat Golden Seed es verdient zu sterben?” asked Excolotis, rage making his voice shake, “Womit hat sie es verdient, geköpft und aneinen Baum genagelt zu werden? Womit hat ihr Ehemann verdient zu sterben, aufgeschnitten auf einem Altar für unsere falschen Götter? Womit hat ihre Tochter, Black Iron, eine der besten Waffenschmiede die ich jeh gesehen oder trainiert habe, es verdient, von deinen Gryphons auseinandergerissen zu werden, nicht eine Woche nachdem sie ihren Schönheitsfleck bekommen hat? Wenn du mir das sagen kannst, dann werde ich die sagen warum ich hierhergekommen bin!”
Arminius stayed silent.
"Es kann keine Vergebung geben für das, was du getan hast." Excolotis continued, "Für all die, die du getötet und abgeschlachtet hast werde ich dich töten und deinen Kopf auf einen Speer stecken."
“Was ist mit Celestia?” asked Arminius, “Wird sie nicht von deinen Aktionen entäuscht sein?”
“Celestia ist nicht hier! Ich bin es!” Excolotis said. “Stirb und sei verdammt gryphon!”
Arminius roared, and swung his great sword with two talons over his right shoulder, only for Excolotis to tilt the kite shield and make the great blade slide off. Arminius hefted up his blade again, and swung over his left shoulder. This time though, Excolotis swept out the shield, catching the blade and sending it further on its path than was intended, Arminius dancing after the massive weapon.
Arminius cursed his fatal mistake.
Before Arminius could react and correct his balance, Excolotis stepped forwards and to the right, sending his sword arm curving towards Arminius’ unprotected armpit. The cloth did nothing to stop the blade, and the sword slid between the gryphon’s ribs and through both lungs, missing the heart by a hair’s breath.
Arminius opened his beak without a sound as the War God’s blade slid out again, falling onto his front as he felt his lungs fill. Picking himself up onto his talons, Arminius coughed and spluttered like a drowning man as he tried to empty his lungs of blood. Excolotis stood over him, and placed the tip of his sword between the gryphon warlord’s neck vertebrae, pushing down with all his weight to sever the spine and windpipe.
The blade was stained a dark red when it was drawn from Arminius’ neck.
As Excolotis flicked his sword towards the ground to get rid of the excess blood on his blade, a group of ponies clad in armour ran up to him, the clanking and rustling of their Hauberks, Capeline helms and brown oiled cloaks announcing their presence long before they arrived.
Excolotis walked through the burning remains of the city, ponies herding gryphons towards open ground, where they were given shovels and told to dig.
“Sir!”
Excolotis turned to look at his second in command, Vigilance. Vigilance’s fur was a brilliant white, as was normal for the guards. His mail Hauberk was hidden behind the oiled cloak worn by all the guard. For a time, Celestia had wanted Arminius to wear different coloured armour, but Excolotis had insisted on a simple crested helm to mark him as an officer in the confusion of battle. It was more practical than making entirely new suits of armour just for a few ponies.
“We have secured the town, and we have taken prisoners.” said Vigilance, “All that are left are the young, the old, and the weak. Everyone who resisted is dead.”
“Everything is alright then,” said Excolotis, “Continue to obey orders.”
“...What are we to do with the prisoners, My Lord?” asked Vigilance.
“Same as before,” said Excolotis, “Extermination. Monsters such as these do not deserve to live.”
Vigilance nodded and called to the ponies by the pits. They snatched the shovels away and dragged the Gryphons over to the lip of the pit. Some put up a fight, but most stumbled after, numb with fear. An elderly gryphon, feathers turning grey with age, tried to flee, taking to her wings.
“Gods forsaken...” cursed Excolotis, “Archers! Bring down that monster!”
A few Pegasus turned their bows, tracking the old gryphon as she flew hard and fast, before turning her into a pincushion. The gryphon twisted as she fell, coming to a sudden stop as she hit the ground with a crunch; red and purple fluid thrown from her broken body from the force of her impact.
The other ponies held up their straight swords, driving the iron blades through the Gryphons and sending them tumbling into the pit. Not even the hatchlings were spared, snatched from screaming mothers for their throats to be slit and thrown onto the pit, the bodies of their parents following soon after.
Excolotis turned from the massacre, his eyes cold, and stalked into the camp. As he strode into his tent, he removed his helm, putting it on the table as he walked past. Vigilance ran into the tent soon after, red in the face and rage in his eyes.
“Sir, I’ve followed you willingly, but we have our vengeance!” said Vigilance, “I swore to protect the innocent, not slaughter hatchlings like this! This is not war!”
“You are correct, Vigilance,” snarled Excolotis, “This is not war, it is pest eradication! These... vermin... must die. If we leave them be they will build their rats nests all over again, and fifty years from now they will be breaking down our doors! We must destroy them, or they will destroy us!”
“This isn’t what we were meant to do!” shouted Vigilance.
Excolotis and Vigilance stared at each other, the tension in the tent growing thick.
“Vigilance,” said Excolotis, “You are right. This is not what we are meant to do. We were meant to do greater things than this. So what do we do? Nothing? Let the world move on? Let our people be slaughtered by monsters and murderers? Are we to do nothing, but wring our hooves and say, ‘we are not meant to do anything about it’?!”
“We are defenders of Equestria! The saviours of its people! And we must do these foul and terrible things, because if we do not, that atrocity in the forest will happen again, and again, until everything you know and love is gone! We kill and slaughter for our families, so far away; we do such things that will stain our souls, we do things that make the world denounce us as monsters, and we do these things gladly, so that our children and our children’s children never have to!”
“If the world is watching, then let it watch! For when they see what was done here, nothing, not Gryphons, not Dragons, not anything, will think it clever to fuck with us ever again! Now let’s finish up, and then go home. This is the last city we will burn, I promise you.”
“But...” Vigilance stammered, “But the Princesses...”
“We have been friends for how long now?” said Excolotis, bending down to look at vigilance in his blue eyes, “Trust me. When we are done here, whatever filth is left will be too frightened to come after us. And If the Princesses disagree, then they are not fit to rule.”
“You would rule through fear and terror then!” said Vigilance, “What happened to you? You are not the Lord that I swore to follow, you were once a man of honour; not some...”
Excolotis swung his fist, cracking vigilance across his face and sending a string of blood flying across the tent. Vigilance fell onto his side from the force of the blow and looked up with fear at the towering giant.
“Question me again, Vigilance,” said Excolotis, “And I will kill you where you stand.”
Vigilance trembled as he backed away from the War God. Though he prayed that it was a trick of the candle light, he could have sworn that the eyes of his Lord had flashed red...
“I can’t believe that Excolotis would do something like that,” said Twilight, “I can’t believe anypony would do something like that!”
“Well don’t worry about that,” said Spider script, “Turns out, it wasn’t really his fault. There was another monster there in his head. It was Excolotis, plus one. The same fuck knob would show up later, and take Luna. I think you know that bitch as the Nightmare.”
“This monster fed on anger, rage, jealously, and all the other negative emotions. When Excolotis was going through Marcomann he must of have been taken as a host by the Nightmare at some point, though nopony knows when it happened exactly. But that’s beside the point.”
“Excolotis returns with his prisoner in tow, and presents Arminius for sentencing. Arminius tells the princesses of Excolotis’ crimes, and they confronted him about it. Excolotis flew into a rage thinking that he had been betrayed, and gets into a fight with them.”
“What?” Twilight said.
“Excolotis,” Luna said, her royal Canterlot voice booming throughout the room, “You have committed atrocities beyond even what we would find abominable. Your cruel and evil ways have doomed you, and you have disappointed us; we believed you to be better than this!”
“I don’t understand,” said Excolotis, “My tactics were perfect, the results: undeniable. We completely annihilated the enemy with less than forty percent casualties against a force that outnumbered us by sixteen to one. This was old fashioned conquest; a complete and total victory. Don’t be weak! Be strong enough to enjoy the notoriety and the power and the wealth of being the most powerful force in the lands!”
Excolotis, wearing his full plate with double visor shut tight, stood in a large oval chamber; solid, fluted pillars of stone holding up the ceiling, with light shining in through detailed glass windows, each one showing the history of Second Equestria. In the exact centre was a large statue of stone, more of a pedestal, upon which rested six orbs set in a fan around a central plinth. Each orb had a coloured gem set in the middle; glowing softly with intense magical power. It was in front of this that Excolotis stood, and he was not happy. He stank of rotten eggs, he was covered in dust and mud, and his cloak was stained.
Around the room stood the Royal Guard, with their armour shining silver and their polished gold and steel halberds. Their gold thread cloaks hung around their fetlocks and underneath, the shifting of Bechter plates could be seen. Their Barbutes were over their heads, and what little of their faces could be seen behind the slits was resolute and stern.
Opposite him, on top of a raised platform, stood Celestia and Luna. To say that they were not happy is a lot like saying the sun is hot. It is accurate, but it doesn’t quite explain just how angry the royal sisters were.
“You have committed an atrocity beyond words,” said Celestia, “If you think that you were acting in our best interest, then I do not know whether to be disappointed or angry.”
“You are here on trail for the unwarranted slaughter of countless innocents!” said Luna, “Your Legate, Vigilance, has agreed to testify against you. His word will be heard.”
The doors opened, and two guards led in Vigilance. He did not wear his armour and his white coat was neatly groomed. When the guards led the Legate into the room, they bowed and turned, shutting the doors behind them.
“Legate Vigilance,” said Celestia, “What is the nature of Excolotis’ crimes?”
“I am not certain what you mean,” said Vigilance, “could you please specify, Your Grace?”
“Excolotis has been accused of marching a force of nearly twenty thousand of the Equestrian Guard into Marcomann.” said Luna, “He is accused of instigating genocide and the burning and razing of countless cities.”
“He did,” said Vigilance, “He dragged out the hens, and took the eggs, and smashed them upon the ground, and when he was done, he had them butchered like animals. He covered their corpses in pitch, and had them burned in trenches. He did not spare any of them. He ordered the slaughter of any gryphons he came across. Chicks and cocks too. He had the sick dragged out of their beds and hacked to pieces.”
“Some tried to run, but under his orders we hunted them down and killed them too. Many of them were begging for our mercy, but Excolotis, he didn’t listen. By his word, we killed them all. Some barred their doors and hid in their houses, and by his word we barricaded the entrances and set the thatch alight.”
“The testimony from your Legate is damning,” said Luna, “according to him, you ordered the execution of citizens, citizens who did not fight back! You butchered their young, you slaughter their old! There are no words for what you did, and it is unforgivable!”
“The punish... the punish...” Celestia gagged, and stepped away from Excolotis, fanning the air in front of her nose with a hoof. “What is that smell? It smells like week old eggs, which have rotted through their shells!”
Excolotis stepped forwards, driving Celestia back with his stench. “You would judge me?” he snarled, “I did it because it was needed! Those monsters did not deserve to live; I did you a favour by exterminating their misbegotten and foul kind!”
“Who are you to judge me!? I see you for what you really are! You are pathetic! Nothing but a useless snivelling lump of meat! Not even fit to rule!” Excolotis roared, materialising a black broadsword and kite shield.
“Excolotis!” Luna shouted, “What do you think you are doing? You seek to betray us?”
Excolotis roared, and lunged forwards with his blade. Celestia ducked and with her wing batted aside Excolotis’ arm, sending it wide. She then shifted to her right expecting Excolotis to sweep left with his shield and get some distance between them as usual, but what he did next surprised her.
Excolotis, instead of trying to bring up his defence, swept his sword to the far left, snarling like a beast. Celestia skirted backwards, trying to dodge the blow, but still got a red line across her chest which began to weep red.
“Sister!’ roared Luna, leaping forwards upon her wings and knocking Excolotis off balance as she crashed into him like a meteor. Excolotis roared like a berserker, and hacked back towards Luna with a backhanded strike, the blade whistling over her head and driving up sparks as it sliced along her horn.
The Royal Guards ran forwards, their silver and gold halberds at the ready.
Celestia, seeing an opening, struck forwards with all her might and sent Excolotis soaring through the air. The War God landed on his feet, yet still slid back across the floor, his sabatons raising sparks as they scraped across the grey stone.
With a roar, he discarded the shield, and ran forwards with both hands on his sword, hacking and slashing at the guards like a madman. The guard ducked and parried his arms with their weapons, trying desperately to stay ahead of the ferocious War God. Excolotis cut them down in groups of one and two, his sword slashing and hacking, sending limbs and broken bodies crashing to the ground.
Vigilant, a stolen halberd held high as he sought to protect his princess, moved forwards. Excolotis did not even break stride as Vigilance stepped between him and the princesses, simply letting the blade slide off his armour and through his robes as he stepped forwards and cut off the Legate’s head with a single sweep.
Luna shouted, and ran forwards again.
Excolotis met the Night Queen’s charge.
And for Celestia, the world slowed as the black blade shot forwards, and lodged itself deep in Luna’s chest.
Celestia screamed in rage and pain, as she watched Excolotis draw his blade from Luna’s chest.
She froze in grief as Excolotis turned to look at her, his eyes glowing red from within his helm.
She cried as she saw Luna try to get up, her life flowing from her chest in red spurts.
She snarled in rage as Excolotis ran forwards and raised his sword over his head.
She charged her horn with magic...
...and blasted the War God into the far wall.
Burst after burst slammed into Excolotis, and the sound of crashing armour rang through the hall. Celestia couldn’t see any more for the tears, couldn’t think; all she knew was that she was going to crush the life out of Excolotis.
It was a few seconds before she realised that someone was shouting her name.
“...Celestia! Celestia!” Celestia turned, still pinning Excolotis to the wall, and almost lost control of her magic when she saw Luna walking unsteadily towards the podium in the middle of the room; Celestia’s heart tearing in her chest as she saw her sister bleeding.
“The Elements, sister,” said Luna, “They are our only chance to restore Excolotis to us!”
Celestia looked back at Excolotis, who was still snarling like a wild animal. Everything she had known about the God was nearly gone, and there was still that stench of... sulphur... Celestia blinked. She should of have seen it earlier. It wasn’t Excolotis, but something else riding his flesh... something that the Elements of Harmony could defeat!
“Yes... yes that is a perfect plan!’ said Celestia, “Bring them over to us! Quickly!”
“Kind of a shocker isn’t it?” said Spider, “But it wasn’t just him. The Nightmare was in his head, pushing him on towards conflict and violence. Under its influence, Excolotis decided that he could rule the country better than the princesses, and tries to take the throne. Luckily, back then they had the Elements in the throne room with them, so they struck at him with the Elements, banishing the Nightmare and sending it screaming into the shadows to resurface nearly three thousand years later.”
“Excolotis, now freed from his torment, came to realise what he had done. He broke down and wept like a new born, begging forgiveness and making apologies to the princesses. However, the damage had been done. The griffins knew what the War God had done, and so they came in force, looking for blood.”
“Excolotis knew that he had betrayed his friends, so he made a suggestion. To be turned into stone and declared a traitor so that the Princesses would be spared the griffin’s rage.”
Vigilance’s head had rolled into a far corner of the room, his mane tussled and sticking out in all directions; at least where it wasn’t matted down with blood. A pair of gauntlets reached down, and picked up the decapitated head, brushing the wet, red stained mane out of Vigilance’s eyes.
All around the room, guards and apothecaries ran about, trying to stabilise the wounded and tending to the dead. Excolotis had no guards, Celestia assuring them that he was no threat, and that the danger had passed.
“Sister,” said Luna, her torso covered in bandages and healing salves, “What do we do?”
“Just rest, Luna,” said Celestia, “I will take care of the kingdom whilst you are wounded.”
Luna nodded and lay down on her side, healers trying to keep her awake and tending to her. Celestia herself walked over to Excolotis, who was still kneeling, staring at the head in his hands.
“Excolotis,” said Celestia, “The Gryphons may return in force seeking vengeance, I need you to be ready for invasion.”
Excolotis did not move, still staring blankly at Vigilance’s head.
“Excolotis!” shouted Celestia, “Wake! You must help us again!”
Celestia moved under Excolotis to look at him in the face, not hard considering Excolotis’ height, “EXCOLOTIS!”
“I...” Excolotis stammered, “Celestia...”
“Excolotis,” said Celestia, “Talk to me!”
“I...” Excolotis stammered, looking over at Luna, “Oh gods...”
“Excolotis,” Celestia snapped, grabbing Excolotis with her magic, “You must focus! Look at me! What you did was not your fault; you were possessed!”
Celestia pried open Excolotis’ double visor, and frowned at his face. His eyes were already reddening, and he was openly crying. Celestia curled her lip in disgust as a line of mucus ran down his face. “Oh gods...” he said, “What... oh Gods...”
“Excolotis,” said Celestia, “we need you to pull yourself together!”
“He was my best friend,” said Excolotis, “He was my sworn brother... and I killed him...”
“Damn you then,” said Celestia, trotting over to Luna, “Luna, are you still strong?”
Luna looked up from where she lay, “I am fine, sister,” she said, ‘The blade slid between my insides. Yet I feel that I am lucky to be here. A little more to the left, and I doubt I would be here. How is Excolotis?”
“He has... been struck down.” said Celestia, “I cannot get him to talk sense. He knows how to treat this injury, does he not?”
“I am not certain,” said Luna, “But do not fear, sister, I am not that weak. I will mend quickly.”
“What do we do about the Gryphons?” said Celestia, “They have been wronged and will look for vengeance.”
“Surely Excolotis can fight them,” said Luna, “He did, after all, succeed in that insane campaign, even with that... thing in his skull.”
“He will not speak to me,” said Celestia, “But I will try again. Rest, dear sister, I will see if I can break the melancholy on his mind.”
Again, Celestia trotted over to Excolotis, side stepping around a maid as she scrubbed at the bloody floor. It was amazing how well the cleaning staff were arranged. Celestia made a mental note to praise her sister for her bureaucracy work. But she was wounded, and needed to be kept safe.
“Excolotis,” said Celestia, “Awaken, the foe is at our doors and you must fend them off!”
“I... I...” Excolotis slurred as he slowly stood, “...how can I...”
“EXCOLOTIS,” shouted Celestia, “You are a God of War! You are perfect in your form! There are no warriors greater than you! You have protected our lands for over a hundred years! You can, and will, protect us again! What do we do about the gryphons! How will they react to your behaviour? Think!”
“They... They will come for vengeance...” said Excolotis, looking down at his feet.
“Exactly!” said Celestia, ‘So you must awaken, and send out our armies to defend our lands!”
“I... I cannot...” said Excolotis “I...”
“You are the God of War,” Celestia roared, “there is nothing you can do in the field of battle! You led an army against a force that outnumbered you ten to one and crushed them beneath your feet! You can do this!”
“I cannot!’ Excolotis sobbed, “No one can! I used Blitzkrieg tactics against them! They were disorganised and isolationist!”
“I don’t understand,” said Celestia, “how can you not defend the realms?”
“Which is the bigger number, Celestia?” asked Excolotis, “One or five?”
Celestia blinked, “Five, of course, but I do not understand...”
“Five,” said Excolotis holding up his hand, spread out into a star shape, “One.” Excolotis continued, holding up the other hand in a fist. “One army, one group, one dedicated force with one goal and one mind can crush five equal armies if the armies are separate and disheartened. That is how I bested the gryphons.”
“But we have mighty fortresses,” said Celestia, “We can best them.”
“So we crawl into our fortresses and hide whist the Gryphons fly around and destroy, pillage, and slaughter our kingdom?” asked Excolotis, “How long until we starve in our walls, with nopony to tend the crops? A war like what you fear will cripple us.”
“So what do we do?” asked Celestia, “I do not think that we can work out our differences so easily.”
“To win this war we must make the Gryphons either unable or unwilling to fight.” said Excolotis, “Do you have any ideas?”
Celestia fell silent, and looked at the floor.
“You have an idea, do you not?” Excolotis asked.
“I have one.” said Celestia, “A scapegoat, a victim to blame. You, Excolotis. We hand you over to the Gryphons and we are spared.”
“What?” said Excolotis, “That is not guaranteed!”
“Do you have any other ideas?” asked Celestia, “But you will be turned to stone so that they cannot harm you, it is better if we do that. Do not worry, if there is any danger, I will reverse the spell.”
Excolotis snarled, pacing around the room. “Very well,” he said, “But the moment you can negotiate my release, do so. I do not wish to be a statue for a thousand years!”
“I am certain that I can do it in no less than three hundred.” said Celestia.
“I will hold your word.” said Excolotis.
“So Excolotis sacrificed himself...” started Twilight.
“To protect his friends, yes.” finished Spider. “And it worked, the griffins were placated, and Celestia began to plead his release. But griffins are slow to forgive, and they didn’t forget.”
“Is it historical fact, though?” asked Twilight, “It does seems a bit... sparse on the details.”
“It’s what happened,” said Spider, “It’s the truth.”
Props to Silly Mare for help.
Part Ten: Adjustment
Princess Celestia walked down the stairs, gently putting a hoof on each step in an example of perfect grace and precision. Her ears twitched and swivelled as she extended her senses, trying to pick up conversation. She hated to visit the older memories of those times long past when Excolotis had walked. There was so much blood; so much death.
Never the less, she was jerked out of her thoughts as she came down the stairs to the cells. Her ears twitched as she heard the obvious signs of Spider and Twilight in heated argument.
“...where is the evidence of these events?” shouted Twilight, “This seems like some sort of abridged version; a watered down tale for those who don’t want to know the truth!”
“And if we all acted like you, Miss Sparkle,” yelled Spider Script, “We’d probably revisit half of the old atrocities committed by our ancestors! Need I remind you of the Apple taxation, where an apple pie cost sixty bits of today’s money!?”
“Oh that’s real mature! Compare me to those Appleists! What’s next? Gonna call me a Tribal? Any more monsters you wanna compare me to?”
Celestia shook her head.
“Oh, yeah, sure, I’m calling you an Appleist!” Spider script said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “If you want bland old facts and figures, then you might as well cast a spell and call up the numbers! Ponies are more than that, Twilight Sparkle!”
“Are you saying-”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying!” yelled Spider Script, “Historians are not like mathematicians! We feel! We feel what they went through, we reconstruct their lives, and we present the truth! No matter how bad it may be! Ponies want to give these events bland names, scientific names, because they don’t want to know what it was like! They wanna take the past and bury it under a rug!”
Celestia smiled; she did so love these insane rants.
“Historians,” continued Spider Script, “Are like GODS of TRUTH! With an impossible penis and steaming testicles! We stride across the mountains, our footsteps leaving crushed lives and orgasming mares (and the occasional stallion) in our wake!”
Celestia took a second to suppress the smirk on her face, smoothing it back into her usual motherly smile. Clearing her throat, Celestia finally rounded the corner, and looked ahead. Twilight was standing with her mouth open and semi-visible disgust on her face. Spider Script was still out of view, behind the bars, but Celestia could hear him breathing hard.
“Twilight,” she called, “Is everything alright?”
“This...” stammered Twilight, “This disgusting pony has been telling me a foal’s tale of historical facts! There’s no depth, no facts, it’s all just one big opinion piece!””
“It’s called basic fucking attachment!” said Spider, “Every law that curbs our basic freedoms, every lie about the things we care about, every crime committed by these cock fuckers, that’s what makes me get up and tell the truth, and I’ll do it until the day I die!”
“That’s what I achieve! What we historians achieve! We show these monsters that just as much as they try to herd us into cages of quiet obedience and mediocrity, we can chase them back to fucking Tartarus with the TRUTH! It’s called EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT! It’s CARING about the world you report on! Some ponies say that’s wrong, that there should be a detached, cold, unbiased view of the world in our schools.”
“And if that’s what you want, there are plenty of other books you can read! Lots and lots of boring facts and figures and numbers and no FUCKING PONIES IN THEM! I want to see ponies caring and talking about the actual fucking lives of ponies, I want to see jack offs that actually GIVE A SHIT about the world... I want to see... POSSESED ponies!”
“YES!” screamed Spider, “I want to see ponies like ME! Rising up with hate and rage, firing doom lasers fuelled by righteous fury and bile and gargantuan wrought iron testicles-slash-ovaries from their eyes! Possessed by ancient volcano gods from forgotten times, waving vast fertile hips and improbable dicks at the secret monsters of the world! Naked glowing God-Ponies making all the evil little shits crap themselves, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, a new Equestria... GUARD!”
Twilight jumped back as Spider mashed his face up against the bars, spittle foaming in his mouth and his eyes bulging, “FRESH BEDDING, A MOP, AND A BUCKET OF MOIST TOWELETTS!”
“Well that was disturbing,” said Twilight as she trotted up the stairs, Celestia walking behind her.
“Well, I can’t disagree with you there,” smiled Celestia, “But you must admit, it was funny.”
“Funny?” asked Twilight, “It was disgusting and gross!”
“Oh, yes,” Celestia said, “But can you just imagine it? Fifty foot tall ponies with laser eyes? Priceless!”
“I really don’t think...”
“Oh! Oh!” Celestia continued, “And the improbable dicks? HA! That was fantastic!”
Twilight looked on in bemusement as Celestia broke down into giggles and occasionally repeating certain phrases, which in turn set off another bout of suppressed giggles.
“Princess...” said Twilight, as they levelled out into the halls.
“Ha, ha ha... mares and stallions... Pftt HA ha ha ha...”
“Princess...”
“Oh, heh, sorry Twilight...” Celestia smiled, turning to look at Twilight, “I just haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.”
Twilight stared at Celestia, one eyebrow raised, “How can you think that was funny?’ asked Twilight.
“Sometimes,” Celestia admitted, “I like crude humour. And it’s a refreshing change from all the proper and checked words that everyone says around me.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, Twilight, it is something I have a problem with.” said Celestia, her expression becoming crestfallen, “I remember when I first met him. He had hair back then.”
There had been an official dinner, though Celestia couldn’t remember what it was about, exactly. She had seemed to spend her whole life at such things, or signing paper work, or reading reports, just... being a ruler. There were nothing but arch, giggling Mares, or braying Stallions, who had been at the back of the line when things like, say, humility, good humour, respect for others, compassion and brains were handed out. They had done very little but spread rumours, say back handed, acidic compliments, and suck up to her. And, as usual, she’d gone back to her chambers in a filthy mood, all hidden beneath a content smile.
She had noticed a light under the kitchen door, and on some strange, mad whim, had gone in. Shining Armour (he’d still had his old lance corporal stripes) was there, with the old mare who stoked the boiler and the head gardener, and the young colt that replaced the candles and lit the fires. They were playing cards. They had mugs of cider. They were having fun.
And for one moment, just one moment, Celestia wanted nothing more than to be just like them.
She had pulled up a stool, smiled, said a few hellos, and asked to be dealt in. And they had been... Welcoming. In a way. But as time went on, Celestia became aware of the room crystallizing and freezing around her. It was like being a speck of grit between two cogs in a clock, and the whole thing lurched.
They kept calling Celestia “princess”, and clearing their throats. Everything was very... Careful.
And Celestia had emptied her throat with a cough, said that she needed to be getting on to bed, thanked them for a lovely time, and left trying so very hard not to cry.
Celestia trotted out into the cold night of the garden, and headed for the maze. She stepped through the entrance with its banners, blinking back tears as she tried to hold on to her composure. At first, she had just jinxed left and right as the mood took her, but eventually, she just ran. Before long, she broke into a full gallop, her hooves digging up the grass as she just ran and ran and ran, not caring nor wanting to care about where she was going just as long as it wasn’t here.
The thing about mazes, though, is that if you run fast enough, eventually you’ll get to the middle.
The centre of the hedge maze was about fifteen feet across, just big enough for a circular bench around a large statue of a thin, lanky Alicorn. Many had been curious about the nature of the statue, as it couldn’t be Celestia. She had curves.
Celestia sat on the bench, and looked up at the statue. She stared at it, and blinked when her vision began to blur. “Oh, Damnit.” She said, “Damnit damnit damnit. Ooh, just hold it together, Celestia, come on...” She took shaky breaths, and despite her best efforts, the tears came.
Celestia wept.
“Princess?”
Celestia looked up, startled by the new presence in the centre of the maze. A malt brown earth pony with a chocolate mane had come up to her. Celestia went into a small spiral of panic. ‘Oh piss, he’s seen me crying, oh I’m in trouble, oh gods oh gods what do I... oh forget it.’ Celestia screwed up her face; she just couldn’t be bothered trying to find a way out of it. The combined weight of nearly a thousand years alone bore down on her, though some part of her made her turn her head, embarrassed by her tears.
“Princess, what’s wrong?” the pony leapt up next to her. Now that Celestia bothered to look at the young pony, she could see that he was a young stallion. His Cutie Mark was that of an unrolled scroll, one of the old fashioned ones with two binder poles.
“Just...” started Celestia, “Just remembering old times gone.”
“You miss your sister, don’t you?” said the pony.
Celestia nodded, “How can you remember her? Almost no one does.”
“I have an interest in history,” smiled the pony, “If we don’t remember the past, we’re doomed to chase it around like a bunch of dumb bastards.”
“Heh, a wise view,” nodded Celestia, “They don’t quite understand...”
“...how loneliness can make a pony feel.” finished the stallion, “My name’s Spider Script. And I’m willing to bet that you don’t want to be called ‘Princess’, right Celestia?”
“That’s what I like most about Spider Script; He doesn’t think of me as some sort of porcelain figure with a label, he thinks of me as a real pony... and I... I guess it makes the days less lonely. Even immortal Alicorn rulers need friends, Twilight.”
“Ah,” Twilight said, “But if you don’t mind me asking, how exactly does he keep his job as a historian? I’d imagine that his bosses don’t like to keep him around.”
“Spider Script is the head of the Historians Society Twilight,” said Celestia, “He answers directly to the board, and despite his... Eccentric behaviour, he’s actually very popular. He deals in more modern history, politics and what not, but he is always infallible in his sources.”
“But his work...” Twilight protested.
“Twilight,” said Celestia, “What Spider Script told you is a rough and dirty version of what will go into the history books, alright?” Twilight nodded.
“Well that’s good,” said Celestia, “Because I still remember what he wrote when Blueblood came of age. I do not want to see the word 'fuck' printed over seven thousand times.”
“So what now?” Twilight asked as they rounded a corner.
“Now?” said Celestia, “Now we wait for Excolotis to return.”
As it turned out, they did not have to wait that long. Eventually, the crunch of hooves on gravel was heard, and Twilight ran up to the windows to see her brother. Already, she could picture him marching proud at the head of shining columns of the Royal Guard, their coats proud and clean, and their uniforms catching the sun’s setting rays.
Twilight ran up to the window, and looked out. She stifled a gasp as she saw the guard. Instead of an organized march, they were a rabble of soldiers. Heads hung low, they slowly trotted into the castle proper, their armour was dulled and scratched, and she could clearly see the mud on their hooves. The exhaustion on them was obvious, many of them simply shambling along. Shining Armour himself was only just staying ahead of the group, and was visibly swaying as he scuffed his hooves on the stone gravel.
Shortly behind them came Excolotis, fresh and steady. He walked slowly behind the ponies in front of him, his helm clipped to his waist and an expressionless mask for a face. Unlike the guard, he was not exhausted, and his movements were still fluid and sharp. Yet he was angry, that much was obvious, his eyes furrowed and his mouth locked in a scowl. As the column of guards moved into the courtyard, the source of his anger soon became clear.
The Paparazzi.
Held back behind a line of fresh guards, the ponies of the mass media corporations swarmed, each clamouring for a photograph of the black armoured giant; each shouting questions and inquiries at the retreating back of the War God.
One jumped up, a Pegasus using his wings to gain a natural advantage. “...It true that you are courting Celes-...” Before he could finish, an Earth Pony used another as a springboard to leap up and shout his question, “...Questions of incompetence in the...” only to be replaced by a unicorn using her telekinesis spell to lift herself into the air, “...What new threats does Equestria face?”
Ignoring the incessant questions from the press, Excolotis strode across the gravel paths as quickly as his tall legs would allow, Shining Armour trotting after in an exhaustion daze. Twilight shivered as she stared at Shining Armour, before running down the stairs to meet up with them.
Celestia held a meeting in the main dining hall for the Royal Sisters, with Excolotis, Shining Armour, and Twilight in attendance. The room itself had been built out of polished marble, with gold and silver inlays displaying the faces of great heroes of Equestria, with the faces of Twilight and her friends being a recent addition. Over head, a chandelier provided the illumination, with the sun having set long ago. The far wall held windows that gave a lovely view of the night sky.
“What happened exactly, Shining Armour,” asked Celestia, “I hope that Excolotis did not get too frustrated by the press.”
“I’m right here,” said Excolotis, sitting on the table itself as no chair was big enough for him, “You could always ask me.”
Celestia ignored him, motioning gently with her hoof to signify that Shining Armour should speak. “Well,” he said, “here’s what happened...”
“What happened was that the... Pepper-rat-si interfered with a training exercise,” Excolotis interrupted, “I’ll have to run the exercise again.”
“Oh, dear gods no...” groaned Shining.
“Excuse me, Excolotis,” said Celestia, “but I was talking to the Captain. Please continue, Shining Armour.”
“Yes, well,” said the white unicorn, “We were supposed to be performing a thirty kilometre march, but shortly after we left the gate, the press began to swarm Excolotis. He... responded angrily, telling the press in no uncertain terms to go away and leave him alone so that he could continue the exercise.”
“What were the exact words he used?” asked Celestia.
“I think,” said Shining Armour, “it was ‘you are interfering with official business! Be on your way now!’”
“And did they leave?” Celestia asked.
“No, they did not,” Shining Armour sighed, “Then he became more aggressive, saying that if the press did not stop preventing him from his duty that he would have them detained.”
“And then what happened?” asked Celestia.
“A gryphon member of the press, Gruilda, showed up and began harassing Excolotis...”
“Excolotis! Gruilda of the Free Wing Press! Are you planning to attempt to finish your genocide of the griffin peoples?”
“Be quiet! This is your final warning!”
“Is it true that you are secretly planning yet another revolt against the princesses?”
“...What... did you say?!”
“Are you going to show your monstrous side again, and terrorise the public until...”
CRACK!
“You put a griffin into the hospital.” Said Celestia, “Why am I not surprised?”
“After what she said,” growled Excolotis, “she should count herself lucky I didn’t rip out HER FUCKING! HEART!”
Twilight flinched as the shout echoed away, the windows rattling from Excolotis’ sudden outburst.
“Calm yourself,” said Celestia, “Gruilda makes her stories by causing problems in the first place, this isn’t the first time she’s caused an incident just to get material for her rag of a paper.”
“Then why is she still doing it?” asked Excolotis, “She is deliberately causing trouble. Why not send her to the torturers for a spell?”
Celestia sighed, “First, she technically hasn’t broken any laws until now. Second, I don’t just throw ponies to the torturers, and third, they’re now called Information Retrieval Technicians.”
Excolotis blinked, “What’s the difference?”
“About sixteen bits an hour,” Celestia shrugged, “But that’s beside the point. The thing is, what you need to do now is adjust to these new times. Four thousand years ago ponies were more careful with insults because it could end in a cracked skull, but now we are more forwards with our words because we are not as violent. Ponies rely on laws to punish, not their hooves.”
“That is why I want you to enter an anger management course,” Celestia continued, “You need to learn how to behave in this new society...”
Celestia stopped dead.
When Ponies are arguing (or debating as they prefer to call it) and try to get their point across... well there are many ways to do this. Some settle for yelling and cursing, either suddenly or constantly. A few might bang tables, or sweep off the contents with a leg. Glaring angrily is a popular move. A rare few might say something in a quiet, yet threatening tone of voice. Excolotis, however, froze. His face locked into an expression of neutrality, and rage radiated off him in waves. Twilight shivered as the anger and malevolence form Excolotis made her fur stand on end, and she scooted away from him as the War God turned to look at Celesita.
“I do not need anger management. ”
It was right about then when Shining made a common mistake when dealing with an angry man: he tried reason. “Well, you must admit,” said Shining, “You are a bit out of touch with society.”
“No I am not. ”
“Never the less,” said Celestia, “You do admit that most of the media ponies who have been bothering you are... well... idiots who don’t know when to stop. So rather than have them missing a few bones, or perhaps a lung, I’d like it if they were simply told to go away. As such, you are going to do this. Plus it will send a message that you are trying to be a productive member of society so that I don’t get half a dozen nobles trying to get you locked up or banished because they are too scared and stupid to do otherwise.”
Celestia shifted in her seat as Excolotis’ hands began to squeeze the table, the wood creaking in protest.
“If it’s all right, could you follow Shining Armour to a guest room?” Celestia asked, “I think that it is best if I simply get you moved in here where I can help everyone adjust.”
Twilight held her breath.
Excolotis looked down at his lap and nodded, and just like that, the tension in the room was gone.
“Well then,” said Celestia, “I think that it’s settled... Shining Armour, could you please show Excolotis to the guest chambers?”
Shining Armour stood, and led Excolotis through the main doors and towards the bedrooms.
Back in the halls, Celestia sighed, and slumped back into her seat.
“Is everything alright, princess?” asked Twilight.
Celestia sighed, and put her hoof against her face with a mild clop noise. “No, I’m worried. Has Excolotis been subdued lately?”
“What do you mean?” Twilight cocked her head, “He’s been quiet, but I wouldn’t say subdued.”
Celestia sighed, “He’s been floating along, hasn’t he?” she asked, “Not talking much, not arguing much, just doing as he’s told without complaint or comment. Is that about right?”
Twilight nodded.
“That’s not good news.” Said Celestia, resting her forelegs on the table, “If Excolotis is doing that, it means he’s not thinking at all.”
“I don’t understand,” said Twilight, “What do you mean?”
“When Luna came back, she was very quiet wasn’t she?” said Celestia, “Didn’t say much, didn’t do much, just stood there quietly. She was... fragile, withdrawn; for a while she would often hang around my legs like a yearling going outside for the first time.”
“So... Excolotis is like that?” asked Twilight, “Hidden?”
“Muted,” Celestia said, “His personality is hidden inside, and he’s withdrawn fron the world. For now, he’s not thinking about anything. It’s far too painful for him to think about what happened. But the moment he does...”
“He’s going to be dangerous?” Twilight said, fear edging into her voice.
“It’s the same thing Luna went through.” said Celestia, “At first, she was quiet, not there at all; just drifting around me, frightened to leave my presence. For a time she refused to sleep in her own room. Then she became angry. Said I overreacted, that banishing her to the moon for a thousand years was too much. She shouted over the smallest things.”
“Then things became... strange,” Celestia continued, “She became frightened of me. She gave me gifts, doted on me, did anything I asked for, and a few things I didn’t... It’s the standard reaction to extreme loss and pain.”
“The five steps of grieving,” said Twilight, “First denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, then finally acceptance.”
“Exactly,” said Celestia, “But anything that makes him remember... The reporter he put in the hospital, for instance...”
“...Is going to trigger rage,” finished Twilight, “What are we going to do? If he goes into the next stage...”
“Odds are he’s going to destroy everything that he sees.” said Celestia, “Unless we find him sufficient distraction. Namely, you.”
“What!?” Twilight jumped up in her seat, “But princess, how am I supposed to control an angry god!?”
“I’m not asking you to tie him down with magic chains,” Celestia said, leaning over and putting a wing around her student, “I’m merely asking you to show him a path through his anger. Right now what he needs is a friend. You must accept his rages, accept his tears, and understand that right now, what he needs is a friend. And above all else, you must keep him away from Luna.”
“Luna?” said Twilight, “Why Luna?”
“Luna is one of the last things that Excolotis attacked when he was... possessed.” Celestia explained, “If Luna saw him, she would scream and run. It’s important that he doesn’t see her, or else he might fall into a deep depression at her fear, and I’m not certain if he could be pulled out of it.”
“It’s best for them both if they don’t see each other then,” said Twilight, “They’d both freak.”
“Exactly,” Said Celestia, “and it’s best if you don’t talk about him to her and vice versa, it would make them nervous.”
“Understood.”
“Thank you,” said Celestia, “Excolotis’ room is opposite yours. You’ve already been set up there, so don’t worry about a thing. Please head there as quickly as possible; it’s best if you be there. I don’t know when he’ll go into the second stage.”
Twilight nodded, and ran out the room, nearly colliding with Luna. “Sorry, Princess!”
Luna blinked, and then walked into the room proper. “You wanted to see me?”
“Yes,” said Celestia, “we need to talk about Excolotis.”
“Oh?” said Luna, pulling up a chair with her magic and sitting down, “what is it?”
“Excolotis has been placed in the guest chambers opposite your wing.” Celestia explained, “I need you to stay away from that wing whilst Excolotis is here.”
“Why?” Luna asked, “I need to talk to him, forgive him. I can’t let him wallow in misery, and I most certainly do not fear him.”
“He’s still sensitive,” said Celestia, “He is still greatly upset, and much too fragile. If you went to him now...”
“I’d make him even more miserable...” said Luna, “That makes sense.”
“I’ve told Twilight to look after him whilst he grieves,” said Celestia, putting a hoof on Luna’s shoulder, “Do not worry, he is in good care. I’ve told Twilight to keep contact with you to a minimum, please understand that this is to keep Excolotis safe, if he goes looking for her and finds you together...”
“He might fall deeper into melancholy.” nodded Luna, “Do not worry sister, I understand.”
“Thank you.”
Not too far away from the Crystal Empire sat a small house. It was a simple little thing, one door, and only seven windows and a green field around it. A washing line, really nothing more than a string nailed to a wall and tied around a pole, was hung out to one side. The Moon was full and fat, hanging overhead and giving everything a blue tint.
“That’s our target!”
On top of a hill overlooking the house seven figures in green mottled cloaks huddle close to the ground. A twitch moved the fabric of the camouflaged cloak aside, and a set of binoculars moved up, held in place by blue magic. More cloaks shifted, showing hooked beaks and snouts.
“Okay, I want it tight and fast,” said the lead form, “Deploy quickly, and enact plan Green. Let’s have it smooth, and by the numbers guys.”
“This Bear guy has killed the last five assassins sent after him. Supposed to be one tough hombre, but now, tonight, he’s facing,” the seven forms leapt to their feet, throwing their cloaks off and into the wind, swords and glaives popping into the talons of griffins or held aloft by the magic of unicorns, “BRAVO FORCE! Let’s go!”
Bravo Force ran down the hill at a decent pace, their studded leather and half helms glinting in the moonlight. They slid to a halt outside the front, and only, door.
“BREACH! GOGOGOGOGO!”
A unicorn slammed both his hind legs into the door in one powerful, smooth motion, crashing it open with such force that the door cracked, and hung off its shattered hinges.
The inside was spartan and clean, with a high ceiling and only one other door, presumably leading to the toilet. The living area was the bedroom, and the only other thing apart from a mass of blankets and furs on the floor was a counter and wood stove.
Bravo Force moved in quickly, swords held out in front in defensive stances, while a griffin with a winged spear prodded at the bedding.
“Clear!”
A unicorn blew the door to the bathroom right off its hinges with a single blast, showing a cracked toilet and a clean bathroom, but no Bear.
“Clear!”
The leader snorted through his nostrils, “There’s only two rooms, where is he?”
“Ah! Hello Friends!” A monstrous shape stood in the main doorway. Bravo Force couldn’t see what it was, but they didn’t hesitate, hefting up weapons and charging.
A massive claw swept out and across, disembowelling the lead pony, and sending blood slick blue ropes of intestines across the floor, mail and leather shredded. Another caught a spear and wrenched it out of a griffins grasp. Thick fingers curled around the neck of the disarmed griffin and snapped it.
”Come now, Bear has not had guests for long time, and you are violent?” a kick sent another sprawling head over heels, “Bear have Leipziger Allerlei ready, let us be friends, no?”
A sword slashed through the air, drawing blood from the beast, but the monster moved past, taking up the offending pony in one claw, slamming the unicorn into the wall with such force that his blood and meat stuck to the brick and mortar, legs poking out in odd angles.
“What, you do not think Bear is good cook? Bear is insulted.” a massive fist crushed a griffins head into the ground, blood and fluid spraying out from the shattered skull.
Another griffin let out a wordless scream, but the over head, back handed sweep of a claw sent him through a window, glass slicing open vital arteries in his neck and nearly peeling the flesh from his face. Blood pumped out of the ragged cuts in arcs, painting the outside wall.
The final member of Bravo Force, a bright sky blue unicorn, trembled in fear as he huddled up against the kitchen wall as the monster came up to him.
“Bear not ask you who hire you. Is not polite.” a claw reached under the sink, and withdrew a bow, and a fork. “But Bear only wants one thing.”
The bowl was dipped into a steaming pot, “Oh please... please don’t...”
“Bear is good host,” the bowl was drawn back, steaming gloop inside, “Bear know you come, so Bear prepare for Bravo.”
The unicorn sat down in fear, urine trickling through his legs as his wits left him. He flinched as the bowl was thrust towards him.
“Bear sorry Bear not have salt.” inside the bowl was a brown soup, chunks of potato and carrot slices floating in the froth, “But Bear think that Leipziger Allerlei not need seasoning.”
“Huh?” the unicorn stared at the soup bowl in front of him. “You’re not gonna hurt me?”
“Why Bear hurt Bravo? Bear know that Bravo mercenaries. Mercenaries do as told; don’t ask why. But Bravo do favour for Bear”
“What?”
The monster leant down, his face nearly touching the unicorns, “Bravo tells masters that Bear not have patience. If Bravo masters do not stop, Bear come for them next.”
A wisp of royal purple smoke flitted in through the door, the unicorn flinching as it headed straight for the Bear. Bear looked up as it condensed into a scroll, a plain wax seal keeping it tied together. It landed with a soft plop upon the wooden floor, and the Bear picked it up, cradling the small thing in one huge paw.
A slice of a claw undid the seal, and the scroll popped open with a small sproing. The Bear stared at the scroll, before turning to the unicorn. “What does scroll say?”
The door to Excolotis’ new home opened with not a sound. The servants took pride in maintaining the palace, and their work was reflected (Figuratively and literally) in the apartment given to the War God. The floor was polished white marble, not a crack in the floor as it was a whole slab, carved from living rock. Upon the floor was a mess of rugs and furs, gifts from the griffin kingdoms. Celestia had ordered them put there, for she knew of Excolotis’ feet, and while a pony wouldn’t feel the cold stone he would. The bed itself was massive, big enough to keep three Celestia’s within its sheets, and its length was enough that it took up nearly all the room.
The north wall had two glass doors set into it, and beyond was a balcony, large enough for Excolotis to lie flat on his back, and stare up at the clouds. Rails that would of have kept Twilight from looking over only came up to Excolotis’ knees. A bright spell globe was set into the ceiling, and a button next to the door would turn it on or off.
Excolotis sat upon the bed, the springs creaking in protest at his weight as Twilight walked into the room. In his arms was his sack of belongings.
“If you need me, you can find me straight across the hall,” said Twilight, "you haven’t eaten dinner, have you?”
Excolotis shook his head.
“Right,” nodded Twilight, “then I’ll head off to the kitchens and see if I can get something for you, okay?”
Excolotis nodded, “Yes, thank you.”
Twilight lingered. Was this the sadness that Celestia had told her to bear? Excolotis had smiled much, and in the bar with the pool table he had joked and laughed. But now he seemed to be thinking, and it hurt him. Twilight felt uneasy.
Excolotis lay back of the bed, and stared at the ceiling as Twilight gently shut the door behind her.
He counted to ten under his breath.
Excolotis stood on his feet, the rugs muffling the clanks of his sabatons. He moved quiet, stalking like a panther as he moved to the balcony doors. Excolotis’ eyes moved left and right, and he reached out and closed the curtains. He reached into his sack, and pulled out the wooden arrows he had made at Fluttershy’s cottage. He quickly took out a roll of string, and deftly tied them together, wrapping them in a cocoon of string. He then wedged the bundle into the glass door handles, and with a cursory tug ne made sure that they would not open.
He moved quickly to the hallway door and slid the locks into place, top, bottom, and handle.
Rainbow Dash looked up from the latest Daring Doo novel, Daring Doo and the Thing on the Doorstep, and glanced at the clock. Rarity, Pinkie, and Applejack sat staring at Fluttershy as she fidgeted nervously.
“Uh... y’do know that we’ve known that you’re the resident butcher in Ponyville, right?” said Applejack.
Fluttershy nodded, “Yes, I know.”
“And we’re totally okay with that.” Pinkie Pie said.
Fluttershy peeped.
“And we most certainly don’t think any less of you for what you do.” said Rarity, putting her hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder, “Don’t you remember? I’ve bought fish from you many a time to feed Opalescence.”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow, “And I’m not bothered by the whole, ‘Fluttershy chopping up a pig’ part, just that it was... kinda gross to watch.”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Okay,” Rainbow nodded, “I just wanted to make that clear. Fluttershy cutting up dead animals isn’t a secret in Ponyville, and we don’t hate her for it. Now, you’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here.”
“You told us when you asked us here,” said Pinkie, “But go right ahead! I like it when you spout exposition!”
Rainbow glared at Pinkie, searching her face for any sign of sarcasm, but Pinkie returned Rainbow’s glare with an honest and open face.
“Right... well I’ve invited Lyra over here.” said Rainbow.
“Lyra!?” said Rarity, “She’s creepy, have you seen how she sits?”
“Oh, that’s just force of habit from when she was with foal.” said Pinkie, “It took pressure off her belly, and made things easier for the baby.”
“Really?” said Rainbow, “I thought that it was because she had those weird fascinations with humans.”
“Wait, but doesn’t that mean that she’s been kinda validated by Excolotis,” said Fluttershy, “I mean, now she’s, the biggest expert. Isn’t she?”
“Exactly,” said Rainbow, “she is the biggest expert on humans, and since Excolotis is a human, or whatever, we should be able to do something about all that. Y’know, learn?”
“Makes sense, I suppose.” said Rarity, while Fluttershy and Pinkie nodded along.
“Wait a moment,” said Applejack, blowing her hair out of her eyes, “If I remember right, didn’t Lyra also read up on a lot of other things that aren’t real? Like Sectopods, Chryssalids, Etherals, and Mutons?”
“That’s right, Applejack,” said Lyra, “They aren’t real, and neither are humans.” The girls turned to look at Lyra. The mint green unicorn was standing in the front door; half empty saddlebags on her sides. “Sorry to let myself in, but the door was open.”
Lyra trotted into the library, slamming the door behind her with a hoof. She trotted over to the central table, lifting her saddle bags in a minty green glow and depositing them upon the table.
“So then,” Lyra smiled, “You want to know about Excolotis? Well you’re in luck, I happen to know quite a bit about the legends and stories around him. In fact, he’s the inspiration for the legend of humans.”
“What does that mean,” said Applejack as Lyra sat at the table, “Excolotis is the original human?”
“No,” Lyra shook her head, “Excolotis is the first, and only, human. Ponies came up with myths and legends inspired by the War God long before the Discordant Era, back during the First Equestria. He is, quite literally, one of the oldest creatures in creation. Only Discord is as old, or possibly older. We don’t know, because there wasn’t a written language back then.”
The girls sat there digesting that new information silently. “I don’t think I like the idea of some prehistoric War God.” said Applejack, “Now the idea of Excolotis, which I can understand, but a prehistoric... that’s just asking for trouble.”
“Yes, well,” said Lyra, waving a hoof dismissively, “The earliest records about Excolotis are from the first Era.” Lyra opened her bags and drew out a thick book. The pages were uneven and roughly bound with string, and had the look of something that had been added to many times.
“Commander Pansy,” said Lyra, “writes of ‘A great giant, a monstrous beast, who descended upon the lair of Ovahdviing, the dread wing ‘ed snow hunter, and slew it.’ After that there are more mentions of the beast, including ‘The giant beast all in black was seen near Holdsfasts. I led a detachment and saw a monstrous scene. The giant stood amongst great black spears of iron, and the earth was stained red with blood. Upon the black spears lay the corpses of the regiment sent to protect Holdsfasts. The beast mocked the detachment, and invited them to eat. He sat at a table, and revealed a dish of the stallion and mare hoods of the warriors of Holdsfasts. It was then that the unfortunate souls stirred, and I knew that they still lived.’”
“The paper was found on the corpse of Commander Pansy. For the next six years, slaughter and ruin was reported there, and every time the survivors told of a great black monster, who stood upon two legs like a great insect.”
“Wait wait wait...” said Rainbow, “Excolotis sounds like some sort of monster, but he was a heck of a lot nicer when we met him!”
“Well said,” nodded Rarity, “I just can’t see Excolotis doing such horrible things.”
Fluttershy nodded, “He’s violent, but not mean...”
“Well you’re quite right about that,” said Lyra, “He’s not a monster, but that was all Celestia there.”
“Wait...” Applejack held up a hoof, “So it was Celestia that sorted him all out? Score one for harmony!”
“Yeah... about that...” said Lyra, “It’s a bit funnier that that... Excolotis used to call Celestia ‘Soror’, which roughly translates to... sister.”
Part Eleven: Broken Dreams
“You are a monster.”
Excolotis stared at Celestia. The sky has heavy and black with storm clouds, and the ground was wet and sopping from the heavy rains that night. All around Excolotis were great black iron spikes, each stretching up nearly twenty feet above him. The corpses upon them had long since rotted, green and torn flesh hung in scraps from bones. The crows had fed well.
Rust red blood congealed beneath the pikes. There were hundreds, spread out in such a number that it resembled a forest more than anything else.
“You stand upon the blood soaked dirt of this ruined land.” Celestia said, her face calm and expressionless, “Castles plundered, kingdoms in ruin, servants destroyed, all consumed by the fury with which you sought to cover the world. Your bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of thousands, with countless villages razed to the ground and over twenty thousand impaled and prostrated by you and you alone, and all for your own sport, your own joy. What say you monster? What say you, monster, demon, devil conceived by the bleakest womb? What say you now, to justify your evil?”
Celestia stood upon the red earth, whilst Excolotis tried to think of the right words to say.
“Because,” said Excolotis, “That’s how our father made me.”
Celestia scowled, “You did not need to be like him.” Her horn lit up, and though Excolotis know what was coming next he couldn’t move fast enough. His feet caught in the mud, and sucked at his sabatons. The sudden stickiness made him fall to his hands and knees.
“But now you will be. How can anypony love you for what you have done? ” Luna was staring down at him, seemingly making the world. Blood, dark and bruised, ran down her chest from a ragged and deep cut.
“You are just like him. Destroyer. Monster. ”
“It wasn’t my fault!” shouted Excolotis, “I was possessed!” He scrambled to his feet, black steel scraping on wood and stone. He looked around at the courtroom, frightened and angry.
“Betrayer. ” said Vigilance. “You betrayed us all. ” He stepped forwards into the light, his head flopping drunkenly from a simple scrap of skin and muscle. Blood matted down his white fur, and his blue eyes were white and dead. “You slew those who were your friends, and turned against those who took you in and loved you. My family name shall curse you forever. ”
“Betrayer. ” “Monster. ” “Demon. ” “Murderer. ”
Excolotis ran, shoving past the great wooden doors into the sunlight, and stopped before his father. “Welcome home son, you’re just like your old man. Now you’ll join me in my garden. ”
Excolotis screamed as he turned to stone.
***
Excolotis woke up.
He was back in his quarters given to him by Celestia. He had fallen asleep. Someone was knocking at the door. With a grunt he swung his legs off the bed. “Be patient,” said Excolotis, “I’ll be there in but a moment.”
As Excolotis walked to the door, he let a sabre materialise in his hand.
He undid the top lock, slid up the bottom lock, and twisted the handle lock. He took the bronze handle in his hand, and slid down on the latch with his thumb.
He raised the sabre up.
“Excolotis,” said Twilight, “I’ve got your dinner.”
***
“Excolotis!” said Twilight, “Open up!” She banged on the door with a thump thump thump, frustration making her hit it far harder than was needed. In her purple magic was a silver platter; on it was fruit and bread heaped high, easily four ponies worth of food. Twilight sighed when the door opened. In front of her was the room, but no Excolotis in sight. Twilight walked into the room,
“Excolotis?”
She turned as the door shut behind her with a click. Mailed fingers turned the lock with a soft clack, locking it behind her.
Twilight stared up into Excolotis’ face. His mouth was tight; his eyes narrow and suspicious. Light glinted off the sabre in his hand.
“Excolotis?” said Twilight, ‘What are you doing?”
“Be quiet and step back from the door,” said Excolotis, his voice low, “Don’t ask stupid questions, Twilight, just do it.”
“Excolotis,” said Twilight, “You’re scaring me...” she backed into the bed.
“Were you followed?” asked Excolotis, advancing on Twilight, “Did you lead anyone here?”
“N...No!” said Twilight, pressing harder into the bed, “It’s, It’s just me. I... I Promise.”
“Hm...” Excolotis turned to the door, “Get rid of the food. Is there a Soup House not far from here?”
Twilight put the food on the bed, “Excolotis, what’s going on?”
Excolotis turned to look at Twilight. “I’m worried that there might be assassins.” he said, “I wouldn’t put it past frightened nobles to try to kill me.”
Twilight sighed, “Excolotis, there are no assassins. The last political assassination was nearly two hundred years ago. And that was with a strawberry tart. Turns out he was allergic. I’m not even sure if that was an assassination. Anyway, there are no assassins!”
“Seriously?” said Excolotis, waving about his sabre, “So all this time, I’ve been worried about something that wouldn’t happen?”
“Uh yeah,” said Twilight, leaning back from the slashing blade, “That’s... yeah pretty much... COULD YOU STOP WAVING THAT AROUND!?”
“Hm?” Excolotis looked down at the sabre in his hand, “Ah, right. Sorry.” he let it drop; it was gone before it hit the floor, “But seriously... No assassins?”
“No assassins.” Twilight frowned.
“What? Really?’ Excolotis cocked an eyebrow, “Not even sell swords? No faceless individuals in the night to slit my throat? Nothing?”
“Nothing!” Twilight snorted, “Is it just me, or is it that you are really excited over the prospect of would be killers sneaking in your room?”
Excolotis made a small whine, “...yeah, kinda sorta maybe?”
Twilight brought her hoof to her face with a soft clop, “Really? Oh for the love of... Whatever!” Twilight waved a hoof at the tray, “This is fine fruit, tasty and delicious, and I don’t see why you can’t eat it.”
“Yeah, ‘bout that,” said Excolotis as he lifted the dish tray, “Not that I’m complaining, but I need some meat in my diet, along with grains and vegetables, or I’m literally going to pass bricks. Seriously, I could build a house with it.”
Twilight groaned, “Fine, I’ll go back to the kitchens and get meat. Anything you want?”
“Oh, just some cold meats, you know?” Excolotis said, sniffing at a pear, “Ham, chicken, fish, that sort of thing. If a Gryphon can eat it, so can I.”
“Oh great,” said Twilight, “stinky, foul things on my back. Meat stinks! I don’t know how you can handle it.”
Twilight sulked over to the door, “Hey, Twilight?” said Excolotis, making her turn back, “Thank you. For being patient.”
Twilight smiled, “That’s okay,” she said as she shut the door behind her.
***
“Well this has got to be the biggest cock tease of all time,” said Rainbow, slumped over the library table, “Lyra, there’s a bit more to this story, right?”
“Hum, yes...” said Lyra, sliding a piece of old yellow paper onto the table. “While it’s true that Excolotis called Celestia Sister, it’s recorded in this journal fragment that the title bugged her to no end, and wasn’t used in official meetings. Probably a pet name or something that Excolotis used to annoy Celestia to no tomorrow.”
Rarity sighed, “Well that’s all well and good,” she said as she looked around the table at the six mares, “But I want to know, what IS Excolotis, exactly? Twilight called him the God of War.”
“That’s pretty accurate,” said Lyra, “He is that, but oddly enough, the moment Celestia took power, he stopped all attacks on Equestria. Wouldn’t go near them, and that was before Celestia recruited him.”
“So, basically, Excolotis was Celestia’s best bud,” Applejack said, “And they got on like me an’ Rarity; we argue and bicker, but truer friends you’ll never find.”
Rarity smiled at Applejack and nodded.
“That’s a fair way of putting it.” Lyra agreed, “Apart from the fact that for a while Celestia couldn’t stand him.” Lyra put another piece of paper on the table, “This is a really, really old meeting correspondence from the first few meetings, one of the few copies surviving the great fire of 3492. Gods but we never throw anything out, anyway, the point is that Celestia often refers to Excolotis as a… ‘Ill-humoured brute with a disturbing and frankly disgusting fixation on impalement.’ Not very flattering.”
“What I don’t get is this,” said Pinkie, “If Humans aren’t real, then why were you bouncing around like that?”
“Oh,” Lyra blushed, “I was talking about the paper and stuff. Bon Bon was convinced that I’d been ripped off when I bought those.”
Rarity nodded, “Thank you for your time, and I hope we didn’t put you too much out of sort with all that.”
“Oh, it’s quite alright,” smiled Lyra, “Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got to help Octavia prepare for a performance.”
After Lyra had left, the Rainbow turned back to the table, worry across her face, “Right. All those in favour of heading to Canterlot to make sure Excolotis doesn’t hurt Twilight, raise your hoof.”
Rarity and Pinkie raised their hooves.
“I don’t know,” said Applejack, “Excolotis probably isn’t that bad, I mean, he was nice before.”
“I think that we should still be there, just in case,” said Rarity, “I mean, he probably is gentle, but I don’t want to see Twilight hurt because we weren’t there for her.”
“C’mon!” said Rainbow, “I’ve seen fighters before, and that Excolotis fellow is definitely a fighter. I know he’s going to cause trouble.”
“How hold on Rainbow,” said Fluttershy, “That’s a bit unfair; we haven’t even given him a chance.”
“We need to give him a chance,” agreed Pinkie, “But it’s best if we are there and not needed, rather than not there and needed, right?”
“Fine,” said Applejack, “we’re heading to Canterlot, happy?”
***
Celestia sighed as she looked at the paperwork on her desk. There was always more and more of it every day. Most of it simply needed her hoof print to finalise it, and as such, it often wasn’t hard. But it was dreary, and more than once a certain blonde noble had tried to sneak in basic education cuts or tax breaks for the rich.
“Can’t fault Blueblood,” she mused, “It’s underhanded, but not illegal. And say what you will, he’s loyal to the crown.”
Every night it was the same boring issues; petty things that had been discussed that morning and inane ordinances that had been examined and fufilled that required her royal hoof of approval to be finalized. It was mundane, but she took pride in the fact that every night the stack of paperwork was always finished. When the next night the stack returned taller than before, she nearly always felt a twinge of rage.
“I just cleaned this desk!” she had once said to Luna, making herself laugh, “Can’t it stay clean for five minutes?! I’ll need a maids dress at this rate.”
Celestia stomped her hooves into two inkpads on either side of her desk; one red, the other black.
A form for finalizing pay checks for that financial year? Pass. Black hoof. A firm smack of her hoof and a black hoof print later, the form was out of sight, out of mind.
A form for Unicorn/Earth/Pegasus segregation in the guard? Denied. Red hoof. Another smack with her red painted hoof and again it was forgotten.
A form requesting investigators to deal with an unknown monster responsible for the deaths of missing workers found at Ponyville Lake?
Celestia blinked. The form lifted up in her golden aura as she read the form proper. Seven Griffins from Canterlot Smelting District reported missing after selling nearly all belongings? Seen heading to Ponyville with military grade weapons and armour? Celestia settled back in her chair as she kept reading.
Without moving her eyes from the form, she pulled a rope next to her desk.
A few moments later, a blue Unicorn trotted in. “Yes Princess?’ he said.
“Could you please go find the official reports for the missing griffins found dead at Ponyville Lake?” Celestia asked, “I think I know what caused these deaths...” She tapped at her desk thoughtfully with a hoof.
The maid sighed, and Celestia withdrew her hoof from the wood as if it had grown red hot instead of simply red.
“Oops. Well I’m sure that red comes right out.”
***
“Seven dead griffins!” Celestia said, throwing a thin file down onto the bed, “Seven dead! You haven’t been here two days, and I’ve got seven dead griffins to deal with.”
“I don’t see what the problem is,” said Excolotis, taking a bite from a pear and standing slightly behind Celestia, “They were bandits. Why should anyone care what happens to them? I took them off the road at least.”
Celestia kneaded her temples with a hoof, “You just can’t kill... we haven’t had Banditry for nearly three hundred years. At least tell me you didn’t start the fight.”
“No.” Excolotis said, “They showed up looking for a fight, and I gave them one.” He sat on the bed and began to flip through the file.
“Still,” Celestia said, “Was it absolutely important that you kill them like that? The morticians say it’s like assembling a puzzle! They’re not certain what leg belongs to which victim. Not to mention the mess.”
“Killing is a bloody business,” Excolotis said, holding up a photograph, “I don’t get why you’re surprised. Truth be told, I think you’re overreacting.”
“Excolotis, look,” sighed Celestia, “I can keep the press off your back, and I’ll bury the reports. But please promise me you won’t go killing anything else!”
“Well why not?” Excolotis snorted, “If these idiots come to me and want my head on their wall, I don’t see the issue with painting the ground with their blood. Makes the grass grow, doesn’t it?”
Celestia breathed in, held the breath for a few moments, and then let it out out, “Just promise me that if you get attacked again, you’ll find a guard to help instead of ripping them apart.”
Excolotis flipped the folder shut, “Okay, Sister, for you.”
“Don’t call me that.” snapped Celestia, “You know I hate it.”
Excolotis sighed, “We have the same father, you and I. We’re family.”
“That... thing!” spat Celestia, “Is not my father!”
“Sorry,” said Excolotis, “I shouldn’t be dragging it all back up. It doesn’t matter whether or not we’re family, I still love you. You’re important to me, you know that?”
Excolotis picked Celestia up putting her on his lap, and hugged her tight, “You know how it always is,” he continued, “I am your red hand; from now until the end of time, I am yours to command. I may not be able to stop you hurting, and I can’t figure out so much about what’s right or wrong, but one thing I do know, is that I can punish those that hurt you. And I promise; you’ll sleep all the sweeter for knowing that I’ll be there to bring terrible vengeance upon anyone who is stupid enough to do you harm.”
“Is that supposed to be comforting?” Celestia squirmed out of the hug, and dropped down to the floor, “You mean well, and I don’t hate you, but you only know how to kill and I’m not certain that you can do what’s right.”
“But that’s why you’re here,” said Excolotis, “You’re the one I rely on to show me the right path. I’d be lost without you to show me the way.”
“I know,” smiled Celestia as she put a hoof on Excolotis’ knee. “You’d be lost without me.”
“Too right,” Excolotis laughed. “But changing the subject... when were you going to tell me about your injuries?”
Celestia smoothed her face into slightly puzzled neutrality, “I’m sorry?”
“Your back is stiff,” Excolotis said, running a hand down Celestia’s spine, “and I know for a fact that you’re taking pain killers. Your stride has a slight limp, though you hide it well, and I’ve noticed that you keep yourself tense.”
Celestia looked at Excolotis. She sighed and nodded her head.
“I have three damaged vertebrae in my thoracic curve, and another six in my lumbar curve, when a great enemy of mine forcibly bent my back backwards into a curve. I also have a number of slipped discs in my spine, and I am on painkillers. I have injections every morning when I wake up and every evening to keep inflammation down and to alleviate pain, with tablets to top myself up whenever the pain gets worse.”
“I can tell you that I’ve had my femur, tibia, and kneecap shattered since I last saw you last,” she continued, gently pulling her leg out to the side, “My scapula and humerus in my front left leg are...”
“It was Luna who did this to you,” Excolotis interrupted, “When the Nightmare took hold of her.”
Celestia turned to look at Excolotis, her eyes glinting. Her horn glowed, and golden ropes wound themselves around Excolotis’ neck, squeezing hard enough to make the flesh of his neck bulge. Excolotis’ eyes widened, and he rushed forwards, grabbing Celestia by the horn and throat and bowling her over, pushing her head against the ground.
A thumb pushed against Celestia’s throat just left of her windpipe made her gurgle, and the magic around his throat vanished. “Don’t overstep.” he croaked, “If you think that I’m going to hurt her, you’re stupider than anyone’s ever guessed.”
He let go of her, and fell down heavily onto the furs, his arm propping him up. Celestia coughed, and got to her hooves, “No,” she said, looking down at him, “You wouldn’t, would you.”
“I thought it might be the same,” whispered Excolotis, flopping over onto his back, “But it will not be the same, will it? Not ever.”
“No,” Celestia shook her head, her expression hard, “It won’t.”
Excolotis stared at the ceiling as she shut the door behind her.
Part Eleven: Broken Dreams
Bonus Chapter
A noncanon side part: what if Excolotis was at the royal wedding?
The wedding was in full swing, many happy friends and family of the soon to be wedded couple had come out to be there. This was one of the biggest events of the year, with one of the biggest royal weddings of all time happening for the first time... well ever.
Excolotis stood towards the back, next to two guards who had been posted by the door. He was nervous about the groom, whose vacant stare put him off. He looked as if he was stoned out of his mind, but he supposed that it could be best explained by shock or stage fright.
The shimmer of the magical field, which turned the light outside into a light pinkish hue, made sure that the entire town was safe from whatever threat was destined to come. He had found it odd that the mysterious terrorists hadn’t made any demands, but even as he spoke, the guards were keeping their eyes open for any disturbances, anywhere.
It was a fine day for a royal wedding, a fine day for Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armour.
Celestia herself was presiding over the wedding, her regal white wings flared out to either side as she addressed the young couple. “Princess Cadence and shining Armour, it is my great pleasure to announce you...”
“Stop!”
Everyone’s heads turned as Twilight sparkle stood in the door, her head low and her eyes squinting in anger.
Cadence growled in anger, “why does she have to be so possessive of her brother!?”
Celestia looked at the pink Peagcorn in confusion.
“Uh I mean...” Candace began to cry, “Why does she have to be so possessive of her brother...? Why does she have to ruin my special day?”
“Because it’s not your special day!” shouted a pony by the doors, “It’s mine!”
Excolotis blinked and rubbed his head as another Cadence, this one filthy and ragged, walked out into the wedding chapel. This was getting annoying. He leaned towards a guard, and began to whisper instructions into his ear, “I want these two Cadences rounded up and put in the cells.” he said, “We’ll figure it out later.”
“What!?” said the Cadence in the wedding dress, “But how did you escape my bridesmaids?”
‘Yep,’ thought Excolotis, ‘that’s an evil clone. Dumbass.’
“You should be a bit more careful when you brainwash your victims,” said Twilight, “It makes them much easier to trick! All it took was a bouquet of flowers, and those two ran off after it like dogs and a ball!”
“Clever,” said wedding dress Cadence, ‘But you’re still too late!”
“But I don’t understand,” said Applejack, “How can there be two of them?”
“She’s a Changeling!” said raggedy Cadence, “she takes the form of someone you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them.”
Wedding dress cadence began to glow, and a ring of green flame erupted around her, blinding the ponies nearby. When their eyes adjusted, a large insect like pony was standing where the Cadence was not a moment ago.
This creature was as big as Celestia, though much thinner. Her chitin exoskeleton was a dull green, and her eyes were a bright, toxic emerald. Her black horn was jagged and smooth, with her legs and wings sporting holes. Strangely enough, a small crown was balanced upon her head.
“Right you are, Princess,” gloated the over grown bug, “and as queen of the changelings it is my respon-“
THUNK!
The Changeling queen swayed on her feet; looking down, she saw the spear embedded in her chest. Spike stepped back and Rarity fainted when greenish blood began to drip form the wooden pole. Looking back up, the Queen saw Excolotis, still in a throwing position.
The Queen fell over with a thump, the pole clacking against the wooden tiles and bouncing a few times. “Erhm,” said cadence, “I don’t know who you are, but thanks...”
“Seize her!” shouted Excolotis. The guards rushed forwards and tackled cadence to the ground, keeping her pinned down through their weight and leverage.
“Excolotis!” shouted Celestia, “Explain yourself at one!”
“Apologies, your Grace,” said Excolotis, “But at this time we don’t know who is, and who is not, a changeling. We do, however, have security protocols in place in case of infiltration by spies. Shining Armour came up with it himself, and it is fool proof.”
“So the wedding...?” said twilight.
“Is postponed until further notice.” said Excolotis. “I’d expect it to take at least three weeks to work through the entirety of the local guard.”
However, due to Excolotis’ pragmatic decisions based upon what information he had at the time, Canterlot was overrun by Changelings when Shining Armour was unable to recast the barrier, and as such Canterlot was destroyed. An escape attempt was tried, and succeeded with heavy casualties. However, Luna and Celestia, along with the Bearers of the Elements and the Elements of Harmony, managed to escape to Ponyville.
And so began a long and bloody three year war for Canterlot, followed by a six year civil war when the Terra Rare, Seneca, Diamond and Thunder Wing noble houses tried to split from Equestria. Equestria was shot throughout the country with paranoia and fear for years after, creating a police state because Excolotis fucked up by being excessively paranoid and sensible, which inadvertently caused Equestria to nearly collapse.
The end.
Deep in the bowels of the earth, a cave lay, undisturbed. A single light shone from above, sunlight filtered though a half dozen meters of rock. Against all reasonable expectation, a garden had grown here, oak growing up to the roof of the cavern, almost sixty feet high. Around the base of the trees, wild flowers grew, grasses sprung, and insects that had not been seen in a hundred years, unique only to this cave, crawled and buzzed. A small lake pooled in the corner, made from rainwater from the sky and moisture dripping from cave walls, forming stalagmites. A soft, warm haze settled above the water.
It was a place of beauty and serenity.
Until now.
"CUTIE MARK CUSADER SPELUNKERS! YAY!"
With a tumble and a thud, the self proclaimed "Cutie Mark Crusader Spelunkers" fell into the cave, landing neatly in a pile of limbs and a haze of dirt.
"Ouch," Complained Sweetie Belle as she disentangled herself from her friends, "Why did you push me, Applebloom?"
"I didn't push you!" insisted the yellow filly. "I slipped, and then you got in my way!"
"Guys, shut up!" snapped Scootaloo, "How are we going to get back up there?!"
"Uh..."
The three young ponies began to poke around, looking for a way out of the mess they had found themselves in. Eventually, it was Applebloom who found the statue. "Hey guys, look at this!"
Applebloom craned her neck upwards to look at the stone behemoth, as her friends scambled over to see what she had found. Easily larger than even Discord, the statue towered above them. The statue itself was of an armoured giant, balanced upon two legs, its fore-legs crossed in front of it, as if it was waiting for something. The armour itself was huge and bulky, a chest plate stretching around a think and powerful torso.
The shoulders were huge with broad, curving pauldrons covering them more than adequately, with stone bracers running down to the hooves. Or where hooves should have been. In their place where things that Sweetie Belle nervously supplied might be hands.
The helm was nigh impossible to see, because of the angle and a large gorget that stretched all around it. But of most interest were the carved robes that flowed down from the giants shoulders, the 'cloth' placed under the pauldrons.
And engraved on the base was a simple message, that Sweetie Belle nervously read out loud.
"I am War."
"With both Blade and Fury, I carved the kingdom of Equestria from the realms."
"I protected the Innocent from Gryphon and Wyrm"
"My reach was long, and my wrath terrible."
"Now I sleep until I am needed once more to protect the Innocent."
"To bring me forth, speak my name; Excolotis."
Sweetie belle squinted her eyes at the name engraved before her.
"Exco... Excou..." she stuttered, trying to voice the strange name.
"Uh, Belle..." started Applebloom.
"Oh wait," shouted Sweetie Belle excitedly, "its Aex-Coh-Lott-Iss!"
And as the name echoed around the cave, Scootaloo and Applebloom cursed their slow witted friend.
"You idiot!' Shouted Applebloom, "Don't you remember anything from when Discord was released!"
"Yeah," agreed Scootaloo, "Don't go messing about with..."
But before she could finish berating her friend, a dull crack echoed throughout the cave as the statue came to life in an explosion of dust.
The cutie mark crusades cowered before the giant before them, while Excolotis stepped down from the podium of the statue, brushing stone dust and chips from his body. His armour was as black as night, the plates smoothly sliding over each other as the behemoth rolled his shoulders. The stone robes had become cloth, black as sin with a deep and rich purple gliding the insides in complicated swirls and whorls. A black tabard hung from his neckline, covering the breastplate in dark cloth with two lengths of fabric fluttering in the breeze between his legs.
With a crack, the giant flexed its fingers, and looked down upon the three huddling fillies before him, tilting his armoured head to examine them, then crouching down upon his knee when even that proved insufficient to gaze upon them, revealing his plain helmet with a simple slit for the eyes, which was impossible to see into. Six crosses were cut into both sides of the face plate, three on each side, which whistled gently in the wind.
Excolotis stared intently at the terrified Cutie Mark Crusaders for what seemed like an eternity to the terrified young ponies, before finally speaking. "Why have you freed me from my slumber? What foe must I defeat? Are the Gryphon warlords marching upon Equestria? Is the realm threatened by hordes of flying Wyrms, as in the days of old? Speak!"
It was Applebloom who finally spoke; as the most sensible, she had realized that as terrifying as Excolotis may be, he was a defender of the innocent and slayer of monsters, as it said as much on the statue plinth.
"Uh, y'see... There is no monsters, or griffins, or worms, mister." Scootaloo cringed in fear of what was to come next, as Applebloom continued; "We were just exploring, trying to get our cutie marks, when we found you, and we read the words, and well..." Applebloom cringed in fear before whispering: "We're sorry."
"Do you not know of me?" glowered Excolotis, "Have you heard to tales of my victories, not cautions of my vengeance? No whispers of terror in the night to a disobedient child? No songs or trophies heralding my great works?"
"...no..."
"And there are no foes, or villains, or even heroes to slay some oncoming darkness before us?"
"... " Applebloom cowered and hid behind her fore-hooves, the ferocious giant too much for her young heart to bear.
"Then do not apologise young one, for all is well!" Excolotis leapt to his feet, and laughed; the deep peals of hearty mirth and roaring bars, of a dirty joke told well and joyful days to come. "I had hoped to be forgotten! Now, child, let us go forth, and see the true light of day, rather than this pale imitation."
Excolotis looked around the cavern. "Rather filthy, don't you think?" He said.
"You mean, you're not angry?" exclaimed Scootaloo, hardly able to believe her good luck at not being punished by a vengeful behemoth. "You're not going to punish us?"
"Oh, of course not!" Excolotis waved his gauntlet in a dismissive manner as he continued, settling back onto his feet, "Why would I be angry at you for coming here? Such curiosity is to be rewarded, and encouraged." Excolotis paused, and looked at Sweetie Belle who fidgeted under the attention, "But tell me, did you know of the consequences of your actions?"
"Uh, no, we actually though that..." Scootaloo jumped in and shoved a hoof into her friends mouth before shouting out; "that you were wonderful and kind and nice and everything!"
"That, I suspect, is a lie." Nodded Excolotis, "I think that you thought of me as a monster of some kind, a vengeful creature who would reap flesh with every sweep of his terrible arm? Is that not right." It was a statement more than a question.
"Uh... nope!" exclaimed Scootaloo, "We didn't! We thought that you were big, and nice, and everything! Yup!"
"Uh, actually mister," said Applebloom, "We did think that you were some terrible monster."
"Ah," nodded Excolotis, "I thank you for your honesty, young one. Never the less, I think that the clever action to take would be to become certain of my nature before freeing me. Bah, of no matter, we live and learn."
"Oh okay." Smiled Sweetie Belle, "I'm Sweetie Belle, this is Applebloom, and she's Scootaloo!" Pointing to each in turn, Sweetie Belle made introductions, and Excolotis nodded in acknowledgement and true happiness.
"A fine meeting this is, Sweetie Belle; but where are your parents young ones? I would much like to see them."
"Uh, we would show you to them, but we don't know the way out?" Snarked Scootaloo.
"That tone will do you no favours, Scootaloo," Said Excolotis, "But I see your reasoning. Come, I will find the way out of these forsaken caves."
"Uh hey, Twilight?" asked Applejack back at Twilights library, "Did you see my sister around? She was supposed to be back at the farm for lunch half an hour ago?"
Twilight mulled the question over, and thought back over her day. "No, Applejack, I'm afraid not. Maybe Rarity knows where she is."
"I already asked her," Applejack shook her head, "But she doesn't know where they are either."
"Maybe we should try over at..." Twilight looked over her shoulder, but was shook out of her thoughts by the arrival of the Cutie Mark Crusaders themselves, "Well speak of the Windygo, there they are."
"Oh, I was getting worried, Twilight," nodded Applejack, 'I bet she lost track of... What in the hay is that?!"
Applejack broke into a gallop, and ran as fast as her legs could carry her. Twilight simply looked at the black armoured behemoth walking with the Crusaders, before she was stunned into action by Spike, calling from inside her library about shelving arrangements.
As Applejack ran closer, she could overhear the conversation between them, and slowed down to a trot, her heart calming as she listened.
" ...so me and my friends here just wanna find our cutie marks, and we figured that the best way to do that is to work together."
"Hah, an admirable friendship! But you cannot go hunting for your cutie mark. It is not some wild beast to be brought down and mounted upon your wall. The only way to get it is to wait for it. The harder that you seek it out, the more difficult it will become to find."
"More be true to yourself mumbo jumbo. How do we find them?!"
"Well, I've already told you, yet you will not listen. Ah, but who is this?" Applejack froze as the jet black behemoth pointed towards her. When she had fought Discord, she had long since believed that was how big an intelligent creature could be. But unlike Discord, who was all sinew and length, somewhat like a snake, the giant was made from solid bulk; comparable to Big Macintosh's size difference to the mares in town. Applejack could all too easily realise when she was outclassed; the thing looked like it could easily rip a tree out of the ground.
"Oh, hey big sis!" cried Applebloom, "This is Excolotis! We found him in a cave!"
"A-Applebloom!" Shouted Applejack, "What were you doing in a cave?! You said you weren't going far! Haven't you learned from running into the Everfree!?"
"I'm sorry," cringed Applebloom, "I just wanted my cutie mark."
"That's okay, lil' sis," Applejack shot a glare at Excolotis, "And you! Just who are you anyway?!"
"Ah, I am but a nobleman of wealth and taste. Pleased to meet your acquaintance, but do you know my name?" Applejack opened her mouth to reply, but Excolotis continued; "Ah, but you are confused by the nature of my 'game'."
"Stones reference for the win!" shouted Pinkie Pie, splashing in the spa across town.
"Sorry, dear?" asked Rarity, shielding herself from the worst of the splashing water with a hoof.
"Nothing. Just being shoehorned in by the author, despite the fact that it completely breaks the flow of the story."
"...right. Pinkie, have you ever considered professional help?"
"You're darn right I want to know what you're up to!" snapped Applejack. "Some giant thing about the size of Discord shows up and..."
"WHAT?!" Applejack flopped back on her haunches, shocked by the sudden aggression in Excolotis's voice, "What did you say about Discord?! How do you know what he looks like?"
"He came to Ponyville a few weeks ago... but that's not what I'm on about!"
"Discord was freed from his stone prison?" Excolotis nodded sagely, "Then he has been reformed, as I had hoped for a while; yet I thought it was impossible."
"Uh, he weren't reformed..." said Applejack, cringing as Excolotis turned to gaze at her, "He made a real mess of things...?"
"That is impossible, why was I not awoken?" Excolotis began to fidget and pace, "I was supposed to be awoken in the case of an emergency. Discord is such an emergency. Why did Celestia not awaken me as we agreed? Was it that Discord struck too fast for her to do anything else but defend?"
Excolotis calmed himself, and shook his head. "Yes, that must be it; she had no time to free me from my slumber." Excolotis turned back to Applejack, couching upon his knee, "I do apologise for my outburst, Applejack, my frustrations can sometimes boil over, and Discord is a particularly hated foe of mine." Applejack just stared.
"Back to your original question," Excolotis continued, "I wish to live out my existence with good friends, to drink, feast, and be of good cheer." He offered a hand to balance applejack as she stood, which was promptly ignored.
"Oh, well there isn't no problem with that." Applejack smiled, relieved that the question had veered away from more painful things, "So I'll go grab Pinkie Pie, and we'll give you a traditional Ponyville welcome!"
"Ah, that sounds like a fine time to be," Excolotis straightened, and clicked his fingers, "Just remember that I have not been to a celebration for a long time. I may not be familiar with how you... entertain yourselves."
Scootaloo snickered.
"Big siiiiiis..." whined Applebloom, "Can I come to the party?"
"We'll see what Pinkie Pie thinks, okay?"
"Okay..."
Applejack wasn't too easy about Excolotis, but the whole mess with Zecora had long since taught her that appearance didn't mean anything. She was willing to give the armoured giant a chance.
"Spike! Spike!" Twilight ran through her library, panic screaming though every fibre of her being. "Spike, take a letter!"
"Uh, Twilight, there's no schedule or anything," Spike said gently, not wanting to upset Twilight's unstable mind. "Remember, the Princess said..."
"This isn't about that Spike!" shouted Twilight, "Some big thing has just walked into town, and I need to tell the Princess!"
"Okay okay, taking the letter." said spike, pulling a quill and vellum (The plant based stuff, sicko) out from behind his back. "Whenever you're ready, Twi." he said, quill poised.
"Dear Princess Celestia. A new creature has arrived in our town. I have not seen anything like him before, but it seems extremely dangerous. I am sending you this letter in hopes that you will assist us. The creature is a bipedal life-form about twelve foot tall, a good five feet across at the shoulder. It's..."
"Twilight! Slow down a bit!"
"Sorry."
Celestia sat in her courts, listening to some corpulent pony wither on about taxes. A more cynical mind might believe that she was just putting on a brave face while she considered other things. A more paranoid one might believe she was taking notes so that she could send over an assassin to silence whoever dared speak against her.
In actuality, she was paying very close attention, and she was taking notes in her efficient, orderly mind so that she could check the complaints and recommendations with what her experts and numbers told her. The opinions of her ponies mattered, she had to do her best to make sure that they were not unduly angered. Her teacher had taught her that.
Celestia knew the value of being feared, but she also knew that being feared and hated were two very different things. She knew that the citizens loved her, and as a result, plots to destroy her were practically nonexistent. Any pony insane enough to try and assassinate her would want to be taken by her guards, because if the mad pony managed to get out onto the street... well let's just say that it took the cleaners two days to deal with that mess; the guard, sixteen.
The court itself was designed to be intimidating, to offer a position of power and might to the one who sat upon the throne, and to intimidate the poor sod beneath the throne. The high marble walls were polished to sheen, and the high ceiling had a fair number of chandeliers to illuminate the scene. Glass frescoes to either side showed the recent history of Equestria; the most recent addition being the defeat and resealing of Discord. This time, Celesta knew that it was for good.
Of course, most ponies don't look up. If they had, they would of have realised that the ceiling was rather dark. They would of have been unable to see the four sharp shooters hidden in special firing platforms. And they definitely would not of have seen the thirteen Pegasus guards hiding to swoop down on anyone stupid enough to try to hurt Celestia; though she knew that she could take care of herself, that sort of thing left a stain. The cleaners hadn't been able to scrub out the carpet last time.
Mild paranoia was another trait installed by her teacher.
"One who is paranoid is merely in possession of the truth." Celestia whispered. "A thousand enemies wait to destroy a weak Princess."
"I'm sorry Princess?" asked the bloated noble. "I didn't quite catch that. Did I offend?" The noble began to look around for exits.
"Oh, no, nothing like that!' assured Celestia, "I asked for this meeting, remember? Taxes are a delicate thing, and I could really use your help. I was just reminded of an old... acquaintance."
"Oh, of course!" the noble breathed out in relief. "Now as I was saying..."
A letter burst into existence, green smoke curling around it as it fell towards the ground as physics took hold; Celestia deftly catching it with her magic. Celestia gave the seal a cursory glance, and then straightened; all of her attention focused upon the scroll.
"I am so sorry, Haytholemew," said Celestia, getting up and walking to a side door behind her throne, "A problem has arisen that requires my direct attention. Please reschedule with my secretary."
Twilight had a code on her scrolls, more specifically, the wax seals themselves. A red seal was for friendship reports, letters that Celestia treasured dearly. Yellow, untreated wax was for personal letters, non-formal things relating to mild chat and requests for advice, though those were rare these days, as Twilight grew more independent of Celestia.
Black scrolls were rare; only two had been sent before. One was when Twilight warned her about Nightmare Moon returning; the other sent by Spike during Twilights 'episode'. Celestia still cursed herself for not ordering a full psychiatric work up on the girls; Twilight had clearly been traumatised by Discord. Coupled with fear of removal from her friends, she had become desperate to avoid her perceived danger. If only she had...
Celestia looked up from her thoughts to see that she had reached her study. She opened the door, slipped inside, and shut it. She hurriedly ripped open the scroll, and read it.
Celestia froze.
He was back. He was back. He was back. He was back. He was back. He was back. He was back. He was back. He was...
A knock on her study door shook Celestia out of her internal loop.
"Come in." She said, destroying the scroll utterly.
Luna stepped through the door, her raiment shining black. It had been a gift from their teacher; he had made it from fine ebony and had worked for days on it. "The beauties of the night sky, taken and frozen for the lesser creatures to see from now, till the end of all things." He had said. Celestia had replaced her own finery years ago, shortly after the... incident.
"Are you free sister?" asked Luna, "I need to check over a few things with you. Form 32/B is conflicting with form DX-117. The taxation forms are a mess. It really needs a complete overhaul. I think I can slide in the complete reforms to streamline..."
"One moment, sister," Celestia raised her hoof to silence her sister, "I just got an emergency dumped into my lap. I really need to head off for a bit to deal with the problem."
"Where is the emergency, Celestia?" asked Luna, excitement colouring her tone, "The new emergency procedures for disasters have been put in place, so I should be..."
"Luna! We shouldn't have to do that yet." Celestia stood and began to walk out, "It's nothing more than a wildlife problem. An Ursa Major has wandered too close to Ponyville, so I need to give it a bit of a nudge." Celestia hated lying to her sister, but he was just too dangerous. Luna could not know that he was back.
"Send me a scroll if things get too rough for you!" Called Luna, as Celestia began to walk down the hall. "Always!" Celestia shouted back. Celestia cringed again; unless Excolotis was looking for revenge and got the upper hand, a letter would never be sent.
Celestia stopped for a moment, before making a detour for the Elements of Harmony.
Twilight paced back and forth in the centre of her tree library, muttering to herself in panicked tones; "Okay, Twilight, don't worry, it's just some giant black thing that walked into town, it hasn't attacked, Pinkie's throwing a party, Celestia's on her way, and Spike is safe in the Library." Twilight giggled nervously to herself, her smile stretching a bit too wide, and began speaking in a singsong voice, "Nice and safe, nice and safe, nice and safe, it can't hurt me in here..." With a burst of light Celestia appeared in the centre room, causing Twilight to yelp and run for another room.
"Twilight?! Where are you?!" Celestia began to look around in a hurry, craning her neck to look up the stairs, as Twilight slunk back in from one of the side rooms.
"Uh, I'm here- oof!" Twilight was swept up by Celestia in a warm embrace, both of her ruler's forelegs crossed over Twilight's back as Celestia sat on her haunches.
"Twilight! I was so worried!" Sobbed Celestia, before clearing her throat, and setting Twilight back on the floor, "I apologise, Twilight, I let my feelings get the better of me."
"Uh... no... its fine." Stammered Twilight, still shocked by Celestia's reaction.
"Twilight, I need to know about the black giant that walked into Ponyville." said Celestia, "Everything it's said and done so far."
"Well," For the second time that day, Twilight mused over what she had seen and heard, "It walked into town with Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom. It seemed to be talking with them, and they were a bit dirty, but still fine apart from that. Applejack ran up and had a bit of an argument, but I didn't hear what was said as I had run inside the Library by then. After Spike sent the letter, Applejack came into my Library, and said; in her words 'His name is Excolotis, Twi. Mighty strange, and talks kind 'a funny, but he's kind enough. Pinkie Pie's throwing him a welcome party, and he just wants some friends.' Then Pinkie Pie appeared and gave us invitations, which she had made two hours ago, which was strange because Excolotis had only been here for half an hour, but it's Pinkie. The laws of physics as we understand them don't apply to her." Twilight's horn lit up, and a tasteful, yet happy party invitation floated over as Twilight continued, "The party is in four hours, and Excolotis seems cautious but optimistic about what awaits him."
"He is not irritable, aggressive, or inquisitive?"
"Not to my knowledge, princess."
"What sorcery is this!?"
"It's a light switch silly! It turns on the lights!"
Pinkie Pie had taken Excolotis into Sugar Cube Corner, where the armoured giant had to crawl in on his hands and knees. Luckily, the place could fit even Celestia with some room to spare, so Excolotis only had to watch his head on the rafters when he moved from one spot to another.
The twins had found it great fun to ride upon his back, gigging and urging on their mount with gurgles and squeals as he scooted around the store; not even bumping a thing with incredible skill. Just as Mrs or Mr Cake could cry out a warning, Excolotis would lift a leg a bit more, or shift his weight a bit, and he would move past with nary a scrape. Eventually though, the Cakes had taken Pound and Pumpkin to bed.
Excolotis reached out a finger, and pushed in the hoof sized button once or twice, flicking the lights on and off with a hollow clicking. "This is fascinating! Equestrian knowledge has come far in the last fifteen hundred years or so!" Excolotis tilted his head in contemplation as he continued, "I expected us to take about three thousand years to rebuild to our old level of science after Discord, but Celestia and Luna always manage to surprise me; only fifteen hundred or so years, amazing!"
"Oh, silly!" giggled Pinkie Pie, "It's been four thousand years since Discord was defeated the first time!" The Cakes started, and stared at Pinkie with wide eyes.
"What?" Excolotis froze, and Pinkie and the Cakes began to edge around the back of the shop counter, eager to have something between them and the giant crawling about in the shop front, "Four thousand... I never expected that..."
Excolotis looked down at the floor, and rubbed at it with his hand, leaving behind scratch marks.
Not even the Cakes scolded Excolotis for the damage to their floor, so dejected was he; though the fact that he could pick them both up with one hand might have had something to do with it, and they breathed a sigh of relief as a voice strong with authority rang out.
"Excolotis, I, Princess Celestia, the Beautiful Dawn and the Evening Star, request your presence!"
One part of the castle was extremely important to Celestia. It was one of the things that her kingdom didn’t know about, but she treasured it more than anything else in that white marble palace. The entire area was a “restricted access: authorized personnel only” zone and four guards were placed by the door leading to it. Any pony that looked at the schematics of the palace would notice that it appeared as a terrace, and had a glass roof.
This wasn’t true at all, of course. At no point did it have a roof. Nor was it a terrace.
It was Celestia’s private air strip.
The whole place, as well as the air space above and around the castle; was a “no fly zone”. Any Pegasus that flew over it would find himself accosted by three burly guards, and ordered to land at a designated area for screening. Running wasn’t smart; they had bows, and would use them if needed.
Celestia often thought that it was a bit heavy handed, but at times like this, she prized it almost as much as the time she spent with her sister, which wasn’t much these days, unfortunately.
The chariot swung in, and with a light thump, landed on the strip. It was sunk about ten meters into the roof, and to the left was a heavy set of doors, which opened with equally heavy thumps. Luna galloped out, with a large Celestia sized wheel chair in tow, and placed it right next to the chariot with a small rattle.
Celestia slowly moved over to the wheel chair, taking half crawling, half stepping movements, before sitting heavily in the chair with a hiss. Luna nodded at the Pegasus, and lightly steered it towards her with a dark glow of her horn, Celestia staring ahead with an irritated look on her face. “Thank you Luna.” she said, “Mind moving your older sister to the bedroom?”
Luna nodded and began to wheel Celestia down the hall way. “Have you been flying again, sister?” asked Luna, “You know you should not.”
“Thank you very much, Luna.” snapped Celestia, “I’ll just put that with the recommendations of those useless doctors, shall I?” The moment the words were out of her mouth, she sighed. “I’m sorry, Lulu.”
“It is alright,” Luna said, pushing the wheel chair through the double doors into the palace proper, “I am aware you do not mean it.”
“It’s just...” Celestia sighed before continuing, “My wings don’t work properly. I can’t run; I can’t even trot... I’m just... I’m tired of this.”
“That is fine,” said Luna, turning the chair to face a heavy door marked with Celestia’s cutie mark, “You have every right to be tired. Would you have me perform your duties while you rest?”
“Thanks, Lulu.” Said Celestia, as the door opened before her in a purple glow, “You always did try to look after me.”
The room was rather spare, but what was in there was rich and vibrant; a bed of rich white and gold in the middle, with a bookshelf off to one side. The bookshelf contained not fiction, but reference materials and tax codes, along with laws and regulations. On the bed was a crumpled pile of paper, each covered in lines and lines of Celestia’s tight, cursive writing.
To the right hand side, opposite the books, laid a table just large enough for easy access. On it was a steel medical tray with thin medical syringes, each filled with clear fluid. A bright yellow box with a hazard symbol was flat on the floor, and Luna lifted it up with a sigh, putting it back on the tray.
Luna wheeled Celestia over to the bed, where she heaved herself out of the chair and flopped down on the bed, gently shifting her bulk into a less painful position and lifting up the bed covers with the golden aura of her magic, sending the paper fluttering to the ground. Luna stood by the bed as her older sister slowly moved under the sheets.
“Lulu?” said Celestia, stopping Luna at the door.
“Yes, my sister?”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“I am aware, sister.” And with that, Luna shut Celestia’s door, and trotted out of the room; while Celestia lay in her bed, and lifted up one of the needles.
Luna sat in the high backed marble throne of her sister. Generally, there was supposed to be two, but the Ebony throne wasn’t complete yet. The monthly court was an occasion that nearly every noble with an agenda visited. If a noble needed to know about things, or had something to say, that noble went to the monthly courts.
Most nobles simply gave reports, or gave what they felt that the royal sisters needed to know. Usually, there were no more than five or six visitors at a time. When Luna held court for the first time, there were nearly a hundred ponies to see her. Most wanted to know about the new boss, some just wanted to be there, and some had business.
The angry mob with pitchforks was stopped at the gates, forcing Celestia to come out herself and reassure the crowd that nothing was wrong. It worked, and now only one or two paranoid or retarded nobles made a fuss about her presence. Almost no-pony listened to their complaints about Luna anymore.
Luna’s favourite part was the contrast between nobles.
One noble stood, steely eyed and rigid, his elaborate 500 bit suit straining to keep his bulging muscles in. Another was dressed in an equally expensive suit, but bobbed his head about as he listened to a portable music device, black buds buried in his ears. A mare sat in a plain dress, holding a newspaper before her with her magic, and sipping from a paper cup from the local Starbits. Those about to talk to Luna put away mobile game platforms, books or other such objects, straightening their clothes and brushing down their manes.
“I am afraid that Celestia will not be hosting these courts,” said Luna, “Due to an incident with an Ursa Major, she will be resting for a while.”
The nobles nodded. An incident with an Ursa Major would leave even Celestia tired.
“What exactly happened?” asked a Noble, White Metal, in this case.
“The Ursa was threatening a small town, and as such, Celestia headed out to protect her subjects.”
The nobles nodded, the reason going down like smooth cream. And with that, Luna opened the court.
Mostly it was requests, updates on issues, even an explanation on why taxes were late from the University. One pony even came forwards to ask about what updates the tax code would face. But the most interesting was when one particular noble came forth with a story of a giant with black chitin armour.
“And it was most upsetting, and what are we...”
“Hold.” Luna raised her hoof, and looked the Noble straight in the eye, “Describe the monster again.”
“Of course, your majesty,” The noble bowed low, and began again, “The behemoth stood almost twice the height of your beloved sister, and had a jet black shell, like a beetle...”
“Was the insect wearing purple robes?” demanded Luna.
“I... Well... yes, your majesty...?”
Luna leapt to her feet, “The court is now closed!’ she called as she ran as fast as she could for the door behind the throne.
“But your majesty...”
Ignoring the protests behind her, Luna galloped as hard as she could through the halls, heading straight for her sister. She slid past a guard sideways as she dashed for a corner, leapt over a maid half bowed, and even went underneath a levitating couch flat on her side.
Luna came to Celestia’s study, and ran right through the doors, slamming them open with such force that they left dents in the plaster. She hopped over the table, scattering books and ran towards the connecting passage to Celestia’s room.
She burst through the doors, scattering papers in a gust of wind, “Dearest sister, I- WHEREISTHE-!” Celestia winced as Luna tripped over a low chair, and thudded right into the side of the bed, “Ow.”
“Little exited, are we?” as Celestia, smirking as the younger got to her hooves, massaging her skull.
“What foolish servant left that stool in such a ridiculous position?” Demanded Luna as she righted herself, “Such stupidity should be punished... urgh...”
“Yes, well maybe if you weren’t in such a rush, that wouldn’t of have happened.” said Celestia, raising her eyebrow at her sister’s antics.
“Yes, well,” said Luna, waving her hoof around to show, better than she could phrase, her opinions of the servant’s idiotic natures, “Are you feeling well?”
“Oh, yes!” smiled Celestia, “I praise the day that pony kind invented medical morphine syringes that could be taken home and used!”
“Yes,” said Luna, “Perhaps we can invite the inventors for dinner and give them medals, but I have some news.”
Luna stretched to her full height, and allowed a great big smile to reach across her face, “Excolotis has returned!” With a giddy squeal, Luna began to prance in place, following her tail round and round in circles, “It is most wondrous news, is it not!”
Celestia thought fast. “I knew I forgot something.” She said, “I ran into Excolotis shortly after I met with the Ursa.”
“And you did not tell me.” Luna looked straight at her sister, “Why did you not tell me?”
“Well I was in quite a bit of pain, Luna.” said Celestia, “I can’t be expected to say everything if I can’t really focus much.”
“Nevertheless...” said Luna, holding up a hoof, “You would think that Excolotis returning is important.”
“Oh, but it is.” Sighed Celestia, “But I need to manage damage control. A giant in black armour? The God of War? Can you imagine how worrying that is? Last thing we need are our neighbours deciding to launch a pre-emptive strike; we can’t afford a war.”
“Yes, but what do you plan to do?”
Celestia sighed, and pulled herself upright, “History is a funny thing, Lulu; it’s being examined, checked, double... even triple checked by historians. All we have to do is... present the facts. If they learn of what happened through a secondary source... who knows how they’ll take it. We must present them with the truth, Lulu, because who can argue with cold, hard facts?”
“Everyone.” said Luna.
Celestia gave Luna a look, “You know what I meant. The point is; we need to make sure that we can avoid a war. Right now, the Historians Society at the university will help me deal with this.”
“Have you managed to convince them to assist you, dear sister?” asked Luna.
“Not yet .”
“Of course,” said Luna, “And what of me?”
“Simple,” said Celestia, “Go find me... yes, go find Spider Script, he’s the head of the Historians Society. Round about now, he’ll be in the University. The Chancellor should help you.”
The Historians Society operated from the university, and was made up of various professors from the classes, along with a few students and post graduates. Such ponies tended to go about on rather enthusiastic walks, a map coated in a water proof material hung around their necks and various explorer’s related Cutie Marks. They often claimed that the truth ‘belonged to everyone’ but still got into massive arguments with what they viewed as their rights to discover the truth, even if it meant digging through the volcanoes and mountains claimed by the dragon clans as a meeting point; along with a treaty stating that no ponies were allowed anywhere nearby said volcanoes and mountains in over three thousand words.
Such ponies were not to be trifled with as they often became rather... intense. It was not uncommon for these ponies to commit suicide via Dragon, Manticore, Basilisk, or Gryphon, and as such, were a rather embarrassing problem for relations between the foreign realms and Celestia.
The university itself was an impressive white marble and brass mansion. At the dawn its glare would often cut across the town, severely angering a certain nocturnal Alicorn until someone, namely Celestia, explained exactly what curtains were, and what they were for.
The roof actually had a massive discolouration that, according to staff, was due to the result of a ‘magical incident’. According to the students it was “When this huge mother fucking dragon, just, like,fucking burst though that bitch! Fuck me, but that was awesome!”
Out the front, immaculate gardens and hedges were arranged in a pleasing geometric pattern, while gravel pathways led to the different buildings, signs dotted here and there to explain where to go. Luna herself was walking down these pathways, just coming up to the flower clock.
The flower clock was an invention of Green Roses, a brilliant, if not rather insane, botanist who had managed to break the basic laws of biology in every day work. Only fifty years ago, experts had vehemently denied that you could grow triangular oranges. Green Roses did it. They had also claimed that an oak tree could not grow if you removed the trunk from said oak tree and that it would, in fact, die. Green Roses managed to pull it off, and then had built a tire swing through the gap; the tree top had continued to actually float in mid air in a blatant disregard of physics, and even more, was still alive and well today.
Various psychiatrists gained many new patients that day.
But the flower clock was one of her masterpieces. Most flower clocks merely look like one, or use a tree as a sort of sundial to tell the time. Green Roses had out done both. Botanists throughout the world had broken down and cried at the tulips that opened up at three o’ clock in the morning, every day, without fail.
As Luna trotted up to the building, many ponies bowed low, making some of the nearby sports Pegasus glance over, making appreciative noises and nodding their heads. Judging from the sounds, their hoof ball coach did not approve of their lack of concentration. Nevertheless, Luna ignored the commotion and bounded up the stairs, bumping open the door with a burst of magic.
The inside halls were simple white stone, vents dotting the inside as a result of retrofitting the whole building with air conditioning and vents. As Luna trotted down, the university chancellor stepped through the double doors at the end. For just a moment, his face registered complete and utter terror, before smoothing into a look of calm and serene knowledge.
“Princess Luna,” he said, “For what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I require the use of the Historians Society.” stated Luna, “Where might I find them?”
“The Historians Society,” the chancellor said, “can be found two floors up in room 23/b. But I am afraid that they are...”
WHAM!
Luna blinked; a bald pony had just slammed open the stair way door. But that was not unusual. What was unusual was the fact that the pony was completely bald. Now when most think of bald, they think that the pony has no mane, but it was more than that. The pony had no fur, anywhere on his body. Not even a Cutie Mark adorned his flank; it had vanished along with his fur.
The stallion looked at the chancellor, a look of utter fury on his face, his mismatched eyes, one red, the other green bearing down on his victim. His nostrils flared and steam came out as he snorted; a vein twitching visibly on his head, and a news paper tucked under one hoof.
“Chancellor!” the infuriated stallion raged; “Have you seen this shit?”
“What is it now Spider Script?”
“That’s DOCTOR Spider Script to you, I didn’t bust my fucking flank for those pre-historic cluster fucks to get called anything less!” raged the bald pony, “But this... this foul journalistic fucked up shit will not stand! I won’t lie down like some piss weak fuck’tard and get fucked up the god-damn ass by these retarded jack-offs!"
“Yes,” sighed the chancellor, “But if it isn’t important, I’ve got to deal with Luna here, so do you mind?”
“Luna?” said Spider Script, “What’re you doing here, huh? There isn’t anything that’d interest you, I’d wager. So what the fuck do you want?”
“My title,” said Luna, “Is Princess.”
“Oh that’s real nice, your majesty ,” said Spider, making the title sound like an insult, “Why don’t I just get down and eat out your fucking pussy, huh? That makes you happy?”
Luna’s eyes narrowed and she looked at Spider Script like a doctor might look at a particularly disgusting tumour, interesting, but still foul and disgusting. If Celestia didn't want to see him so badly... “And just who are you?” She asked.
“Me?” said Spider Script, “I’m the head of the Historians Society. Not so important, I know, but I fucking earned it.”
“Very well then,” said Luna, “I wanted to tell you that Celestia needs your assistance right now.”
In a moment, Spider Script went from ‘barely contained fury’ to ‘concerned, model citizen’, much to Luna’s surprise.
“Celestia?” he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I do apologize,” said Luna, “I was half expecting hatred filled bile about how she did not earn her power, or a stream of foul words and insults.”
“No,” said Spider Script, “Celestia’s earned her respect. She’s... Fuck, she’s the only real good thing about the ruling class.”
“Very well,” said Luna, “let us go.”
“Ah, hold up, it’s Daisy to Nelumbo Nucifera. Let’s go get lunch on the way. I want Burger Queen.”
“Very well, that is a small request.”
“And you’re paying.’
“That is not.”
The barn at sweet apple acres was, once again, the site of a major clean up.
The floor had been swept again, tables had been set up, and Pinkie pie had found a ladder, and had climbed up it to affix streamers to the top. Fluttershy had flown up and pegged a massive banner across the top, with a welcome message printed on it. The tables were laden with cakes and sweets.
“Um... Pinkie?” said Fluttershy.
“Yes, Fluttershy?” Pinkie asked.
“Well...” Fluttershy flitted back down to the ground, “How did you get all these cakes? Wouldn’t it cost a lot?”
“You’d be amazed how cheap it is to buy in bulk.” nodded Pinkie.
“Well,” continued Fluttershy, “Why did you tell Excolotis about the party? Don’t you usually prefer to host surprise parties?”
“Oh, Fluttershy,” Pinkie Pie said, shaking her head, “Don’t you remember Gilda’s party? I never set up any pranks. And do you know why? Because Gilda doesn’t like being pranked, and much like Gilda, Excolotis hates surprises. So I told him about it so that he wouldn’t be angry and upset.”
“That makes sense.” Fluttershy nodded. “But what I don’t...”
The barn door opened.
“Oh, hello,” said Fluttershy, “I didn’t know Excolotis had any griffin friends.”
“He doesn’t, dummkopf.”
With a thud, the door shut.