Chapters Chapter one: Poof bitches!
"Hey I'll see ya later Nick!" I exited my friends house, leaving for the forest. "I can't for you to come over again , we really need to get some work done on that coding next time though." He and I had been designing and indie game, zombie survival stuff, real fun.
"Yeah I know, but VIDGA GAMES!" My friend Chris and I had a long running joke of mispronouncing our favorite words or activities...mine being video-games, deal with it.
Pulling out my trademark smokebombs, the kind that if thrown on the ground would explode into a cloud of smoke about two yards in every direction, I ran off his porch and threw it down, causing him to lose sight of me, he and I often shot air-soft guns at each other for fun, this was my defense against it. I was just getting out of the cloud when I heard the click of the gun, sweet got away without harm.
I had just gotten in the forest when I had a thought, had to be home by curfew, mum was strict about that damn curfew. I decided to take the shortcut through the forest, better to not take chances with her, be five minutes late and I would be grounded for ages. The forest like always was dark as all hell, good thing for excellent night vision. I began my trek down the hardly noticeable path, things had been going great for me, Alex and I got to hangout all day, Jordyn agreed to go to the school dance with me, and on top of it all, it was finally starting to become winter, my favorite season.
I began to hear odd whooshing sounds, not to odd, this forest always was just a bit different than others...as far as I knew of course, I did not really have any other forests to compare it to of course. I looked down, as I usually would to see where it was that I was on the path, I did not see it, this was new, my muscle memory had always just kind of taken care of this for me before, what was wrong about today, I turned back and began to walk, intent on asking my friend if I could use his phone to ask my mum If I could stay the night, more time with your friend would not be bad, and she would not be to mad.
I walked for at least twice as long as I had in my previous direction...what the flying fuck is up with this place? I began to get worried, lunar navigation had never been an exact strong suit of mine so that was out of the question. I began to look for familiar constellations...there were none, even the big dipper, which I looked at nightly out of habit was not visible. Okay maybe some clouds were covering it, some were out, and you are in a slightly different position than your normal viewing spot so things could be okay. I began to hyperventilate.
"Okay, deep breaths, calm your heart, breathe in the cold air." I took in more and more of the refreshing cool air, more and more steam was coming out of my exhalations. That meant that I was gaining more heat in my body, also not good. For me heat is...not bad, but I preferred to be cold. I took in a deep deep breath and held it in. This little technique had always calmed down in the past, it would have to here and now as well.
Slowly exhaling the breath I began to formulate a plan of getting home in my head. While casually slipping in an ear-bud connected my mp3 player, I walked an un-known direction...I'm not good with directions sue me okay! I selected my favorite song , then sped it up to be twice as fast. I needed my music to be faster, just sounded better to me that way.
I realized I had been listening to the song for hours when I looked up and saw the sun...shit I am so screwed. My mum is going to tear my head off...that being if I don't get lost out here and die or something.
*POV of Ponyville residents.*
"Have you seen the Everfree forest lately?"
"No, what's up with it? Oh please don't tell me a Manticore got out?"
"Ponies are talking about weird flashes of light and strange whoosh-y sounds coming from it, it's really freaky, as far as I know a Manticore has not gotten out, no, but hey it is the Ever-bucking-free forest. I guess something is going on in there, maybe some new freaky creature or something?"
"Maybe, hey lets go to Sugarcube corner, they're having a sale."
"Yeah sure, I could go for a cupcake."
(*POV of Nick*)
"What the fuuuuuck." I had never gotten lost in this forest before, this was practically my second home, I was always in here, yet here I am, with no idea where the hell I am...everything was starting to look weird too, the trees looked different from the usual ones, these seemed more foreboding and just kind of...evil or something. Even the ground too, usually the amount of foliage would be quite minimal here, and yet again the weirdness struck, the ground was covered in leaves and detritus. "What is happening here?"
"AAH HELP!"
Oh shit, someone needs help, well it's not like I have anything better to do. I charged off in the direction of the cry for help. The crashing through the now thick forest was not doing well for my jacket, hopefully I could repair it once I got home.
"FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, HELLLLP!"
Well I was definitely getting closer, that's for sure, I ran into a clearing, the sun finally providing an adequate amount of light for me to see...a mint green horse...that was tiny...that appeared to be doing nothing but running in circles...away from another tiny horse that was like a really pale yellow? Maybe kind of a yellow and peach mixture? It definitely had a dark purple mane though. I did not see a problem...in fact it looked like the two tiny horses were having fun, now then where was the person who was yelling for help though?
"Lyra, would you stop running away, I can't get it out of your mane if you keep running!"..............Did that fucking horse just speak?
"Run faster Bonbon! It's MOVING UP MY MANE!" Okay, I am insane, it is official, I have gone crazy and am now seeing tiny colorful horses that can speak.fuck.my.life..... Maybe I should go help...Lyra? I think that is the little horses name?
I decided to go ahead and make my presence known, what's the worst that could happen? "Uhm, you yelled for help?" The one named...Bonbon? Stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me, however the one named...Lyra? Yeah that's it, just kept running, I don't think she actually saw me, well I assume they are both female due to their voices.
"What in Equestria are you?" That was Bonbon, obviously not friendly.
"It looks like a shaven minatour without horns!" That was Lyra, not appearing to give a shit if that was insulting...or maybe she was distracted by the bug in her hair...all she had was a bug in her hair? Really, that is her problem, a bug? I began a light jog, for horses they sure did not move quickly, then again they were only about four feet tall, from what what I knew horses were like five or six feet tall, that would affect speed to due to leg length, thus affecting how far their legs went out and how much ground they covered.
Upon reaching Lyra I took out my hand and grabbed the bug, a harmless little beetle...that had enormous mandibles. "SHIT!" It bit me, leaving an inch-ish long cut on the meat of my hand, that little drumstick looking area that is made with your thumb and the really thick part of your palm, it hurt like a bitch. "Ow, mean little dick." I drop kicked the damn thing...it wailed with pain...but it's to small to...but...how?
"Thanks...thing." That was Lyra, she appeared to be not frightened of me, whereas Bonbon was shaking some several yards away.
"Well, I guess I am gonna just...go now, hopefully these hallucinations will stop soon...glad to help I guess." Taking out ye olde smoke-bomb I threw it on the ground and exited out the side where neither of them would see me, thus getting away...unseen...no other way of describing it really. I began my way into the forest again, hearing them call out to me to wait, nope, not gonna go do crazy shit with hallucinations, no way.
Chapter two: It's not real. Just can't be.
The things I would do for twenty minutes of undisturbed peace would horrify any sentient being. The two from earlier were now trying to follow me, they were actually doing fairly well...then again the ground here does kind of make it hard to not leave foot prints. I decided my best course of action would be to climb a tree... but if they are figments of my imagination wouldn't they know that I am up there? It seemed I had stopped moving to think over on if I should climb a tree or not... and that they had caught up to me. "God dammit, would you two leave me alone!"
...crap...they're crying now, or at least the minty colored one is, the other, Bonbon, yeah that's it, just has this look of murder in her eyes or something, perhaps she does not like having her friend be sad? Wait, wouldn't I not like that part of my brain to be said maybe? Ugh, hallucinations are so hard to comprehend! Summoning up the best deep/demonic voice that I could, I began to speak to them, I am getting really tired of being followed around by figments of my imagination.
"LISTEN UP!" Switching back to my normal more or less polite voice, "Leave.me.alone. I do not want to be followed and I will not hesitate to pick up a bug and throw it on you again." I pointed towards Lyra, she began to tremble...that was the weakest threat ever though, I guess I am more sensitive than I thought...maybe? Freaking hallucinations and the infinite mind fuck that they are! I stomped off in the opposite direction, thus effectively ramming my face into a tree branch...I'm not a strong man...and am a bit ashamed to say that I got knocked out by it...fuck.
( Ye olde residence of Fluttershy. )
"What the hell... where am I?"
I then heard an eep sound, oh please for the love of everything ever let this horrible bed be that of some crappy hospitals and let some doctor tell me that I suffered some kind head trauma, cause my head hurts like hell! Hopefully that was just a startled nurse or something too, I really hope so, but then again the only way to check is with my eyes so...time to open my eyes.
"Motherfucker!" It was not a crappy hospital bed, nope it was a really crappy tiny bed in some tiny room in what seemed to me to be some kind of crappy shack, all the things were crappy. I looked around and saw a bright pink tail quivering behind a chair. I decided to get up and walk towards it, hoping that it would not attack me if I went near it. I reached out with my hand and poked the tail, I then heard what sounded like a goat bleating and then a small thud. Behind the small chair was a tiny...Pegasus, that was yellow and had a pink mane and tail, it also looked like she had dyed her coat to have three little butterflies on her flank area, how odd...especially that I would think that she had dyed her own coat, the owner of it probably did.
I then nudged it with my foot, nothing poked it in the face with my index finger, nothing. I picked her up, surprisingly lightweight for a horse, then again it is a tiny horse. I set her down on the bed, I did not really have anything else to do so I went down the stairs, hoping to see a friendly human face and not some...purple unicorn talking to six other horse like entities. I recognized the two from the weird part of the forest.
"God dammit! When is this freaky ass hallucination thing of mine going to end!" Whoops, probably should not have said that out loud...the next thing I knew I was on the ground because of a blue-ish blur. "ooghf."
"Rainbowdash! Get off of...it, Lyra and Bonbon said that it helped them, therefore it is most likely not going to try and harm us." I strained my neck up and to the right, it was the purple one that said that. I then put my head back down and look straight up, I got a glare from the...Pegasus, she then mouthed.
"I'm watching you." She then took her hoof put it in front of her eye, then pointed it at me. Great, an enemy already...no it's my mind tricking me into thinking that I have an enemy, but really it is all one mass hallucination and as I think this my mother has me in a hospital or something, maybe? It all seems so real.
I shoved the blue Pegasus off of me, she started to flap half way through making her way to the ground, she remained airborne...that should not be anatomically possible with the size of it's wings. I had just finished standing up when yet another blur appeared in front of me, only this time it was pink.
"HimynameispinkiepieIhaveneverseenyoubeforewhatareyou?" Were those even words! I have never in my life seen anything make so much sound in so little time, how is that even possible, what are the size of this things lungs!?
"Pinkie, back off, yer gonna give it the same eyes Derpy hooves has, I think it's already startin', just look at the poor critter." Oh great, a really southern sounding horse...I wonder if northern horses and southern horses sound different?
"So I am just gonna go now."
"NO!" Everyone of the horses had said it at the same time and....well, I reacted a bit quickly to that, to be fair though I have always been a bit jumpy. Throwing one of my trademark smoke bombs onto the ground then I opened and left through a window, no need to cause property damage right? I was sure to close it as I left through it though, don't want these ones to follow me again.
I began to walk away from the forest, that place sucks. Along my way I noticed a small trail, I followed it. After about twenty minutes of following the trail, I came upon a town, a VERY brightly colored town.
"Oh you have got the be shitting me."
I entered the town, not caring that several of the...tiny horses that lived here were staring at me. This...is...actually happening. I was on my knees, I did not even realize it for several minutes later until those ponies from the cottage had finally found me, the blue colored one tackled me again. Only this time I knew she was coming, and I am a fairly heavily built guy, not necessarily all muscles, but a good bit of it is muscles.
She impacted me with enough force to move a boulder, that being said I think she may have broken her face on my back, I managed to stay upright on my knees. I giggled a little despite what was going on. These tiny horses are weak, and that means that I could definitely win in a fight if anyone tried to harm me, good to know, especially with this blue annoyance.
"Would you stop running into me?" I got up and turned to look at the Pegasus, she was sitting on her rump and shaking her head, I hope that I did not leave permanent damage, I want to be known as the guy that can win fights, not the one that could potentially cause brain damage to more or less innocent tiny horses.
"No, not until you stop running away and answer our questions!" I shrugged, it's not like they could stop me from running if I wanted to, the only one I think that I would have problems out maneuvering would be the blue Pegasus, and even then If she tried to tackle me again I could grab her and throw her to the ground. I ultimately decided that I would go ahead and answer whatever questions these tiny horses had.
The other seven had caught up, the two from the forest, Lyra and Bonbon, and then the other five from the crap-shack's living room. I wonder what is special about the unicorns? Three of them were unicorns, two Pegasusses? Pegasi? Whatever. And the other three had nothing special going on.
"Lets go to the library, it might be more comfortable there, do you have libraries where you are from."
"Yeah...I don't see how that is important, but yes, we do have libraries." I got off of my knees, this is really going to suck, there is no way that I could be creating this entire environment, I thought that maybe my brain had set up an ever-lasting forest hallucination, but now that I see this town...and all of its inhabitants, things are starting to seem a bit less like a hallucination. "Where to?"
"Right this way." She led me about town, it was at the inner area of the town, great, now if I need to escape things may be a bit harder.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" As it would turn out the library was housed in a tree, how freaking ironic, dead trees (Books) are now being stored in the inside of a living tree that has tiny horses clomp around in it.
I then saw what made the unicorns special, they had freaking telekinesis! The door was enveloped in a soft purple glow, then it swung open, I noticed how alike the color was to the color that surrounded the purple ones horn, good to know, take care of the horn, no telekinesis...wait a minute...crap I feel a violent streak flowing in, better get myself out of here so as to not hurt anyone else any more.
"Uhm...excuse me but, I am feeling rather violent right now, do you have anything that I could destroy, smash, kill, maim, obliterate, disintegrate, burn, crush-"
"Enough!" That was the purple one again. "Why would you want to destroy things if you are angry?"
Okay, so it would seem that she is a bit of a pacifist in every way. "Destroying things help me to keep my emotions in check, sorry but it is either that or I might get violent with living beings."
"Hey girls, come here for a sec." That was an orange one with a yellow mane and tail. They were talking in whispers, I caught something about a "Calming spell." Not good.
All of a sudden the purple one turned towards me with her horn glowing, get ready to dodge. She fired, and I tried to get away, but somehow the really pink colored one had gotten behind me and put both of her hooves on my sides she held me there just enough for me to get hit with the spell...I felt nothing, still violent I mean, but the spell did nothing I think.
"Okay, do you feel better?" I flashed a toothy grin, I was actually feeling great now, too great actually, I really need to use some of this energy.
"You could say that, tell me, what exactly did you hit me with?" My grin kept getting bigger and bigger, they seemed a bit creeped out.
"A uhm ca-calming spell." Yep thought so, feeling the last surges of the energy flow into my body I decided to start my escape. Turning around I went to the door.
"Hey, what are you doing!?" She enveloped the door in that light purple glow, I touched the door and everyone that was there could visibly see that the glow flowed in towards my hand, this is going to be a lot of fun. "Huh?" I turned back around, she was extremely confused...great now I want answers behind this, guess I can't leave yet, better come up with an excuse.
"I was seeing how your...spells effected me, now then I am going to go run for a few hours to get rid of this energy, be back in a while." I touched the door handle...and it caught fire...and it did not burn me. "Uhm purple unicorn thingy, come put this out."
She gasped at the fire and rushed over, using some kind of cooling spell most likely, then the rainbow maned Pegasus came by and flapped with extra strength effectively stopping the fire from growing larger, it was like watching a really big candle get snuffed out.
She then joined the others, they really suck at whispering, I heard the blue Pegasus volunteer to follow me, the others agreed that it was a good idea. As soon as they were done, I grabbed a smoke bomb, smiling I felt some of that same energy flow into the smoke bomb, maybe I should not throw it here.
"Come along blue, I have got to get moving now, or you will never be able to catch up." I think I may have said something wrong because her eye began to twitch a bit.
"I AM THE FASTEST PEGASUS EVER! THERE IS NO WAY THAT SOME...whatever you are ...IS GOING TO OUT PACE ME!" I doubted that, I could feel this...power, it's pretty damn intense.
I headed out the door, and put the smoke bomb in my hoodie pocket, time for some fun.
As it turned out I was right, I could very easily out run this Pegasus, even while she was flying, it was kind of sad to watch actually, then again her wings should not actually allow for flight at all, so it is still kind of amazing, but I digress, I was faster.
"Do you want me to slow down"
"Faster!" She was panting, and about to fall down from what I could tell about how her flight patterns were being effected by all of this, and we had only been going at this for about 3 hours. Just as predicted, she fell, I rushed over and grabbed her, still running. My legs did not even feel the slightest bit of weakness or pain, it's rather ridiculous to honest.
"Th-thanks." She was panting pretty heavily, I simply nodded. Earlier in our trip I had decided to get a feel of the town, that was I could traverse it more easily if I was going to be here for a while. Now we had gone in the direction of a pretty large plain, perfect of testing the spell charged smoke-bomb.
Setting down the Pegasus I reached into my hoodie pocket and pulled out the smoke-bomb. "What's that, what are you dong?"
"I don't know exactly what this is going to do, but I think it is going to be a lot of fun." I filled it with some of the spell energy, then pulled the activation string and chucked it.
Chapter four: Some good news.
"That.was.awesome!" I was jumping up and down cheering, calming down quickly though, I looked to my left where I had left the Pegasus.
As far as I could tell the the Pegasus was just kind of in shock from the smoke, it was everywhere and it was pretty darn thick, so it was kind of hard to tell her exact expression. "Ya know, I wouldn't be surprised if the townsfolk back there are in this, or if they at least see it."
I think she nodded her head. Yep, that's nodding alright. "Soooo, wanna head back now?" That was a pretty great way of blowing off steam, gotta remember to pour less spell energy into there next time though, don't want to accidently cover the world in smoke, catastrophic events and what not.
"Yeah, head back...yeah." Yep, she is definitely freaked out, better get her to her friends, they would probably know what to do about this. I picked her back up, yep still feels light as a feather, speaking of that, the ones on her wings looked quite nice, I also took this time to get a closer look at her rainbow mane...it was not dyed...those colors all occurred naturally, that is just odd to even to think about.
"Could you point me in the direction of your town please?" She raised a hoof towards the town. "Thanks." I started carrying her like an American football. Time to pick up the pace, see just how fast I can go with this spell juice flowing through me.
I began at a slight walk, I planned on building up my speed that way I could see how fast I could go before it started to have bad side effects. I moved up to a jog, I was leaving foot print sized holes with each step...that is a little frightening, then again I am guiding the spell energy to my legs so I guess it would make them a bit more powerful. What felt like a jog to me would have made Usain Bolt proud. I decided it was time to move up to a full run. I tightened my grip on the Pegasus, she made a sound akin to when a dogs chew toy is squeezed...
Gaining more momentum I began to see small abnormalities in the air around me...am I about to break the sound barrier? I started to sprint now, The abnormalities in the air becoming larger, and larger, until finally I was thrust forward...coincidentally right through a buildings wall...it looks a lot like a town hall...crap.
"That.was.AWESOME!" That was the Pegasus, as it would turn out I still had her in my arms and she was just kind of wiggling about...how did she come out unscathed? How did I? I got up and put the Tiny Pegasus down. Brushing some of the rubble off of me, I looked behind me, a new entrance to the building had been formed by me, great.
"Well, that was scary as hell.
She moved her head slightly to the left. "What's hell?"
"An incredibly bad place that I technically don't believe in."
"Then why would you use its name?"." I looked around the building, what looked to be a receptionist was staring at me with a raised eyebrow, cool as a cucumber that one.
Ignoring the question I looked around "I'll pay for it, or fix it, I swear. Hey! Quit gawking at the hole and get me back to your friends, I want to know exactly what it is that I am dealing with here." This is fun and all, but it is kind of worrying me, will I have negative effects when this wears off? Will it ever wear off, or perhaps...will I ever be able to go home?
she got herself up from the rubble shaking some off and using her wings in impossible ways to clear other bits off of her. "This way, lets go already." The fuck! I was already ready to go, bitch. Grabbing her like an American football again I started jogging. "Hey, let me go, stop!" I snickered.
"Tell me which way, and maybe I will." She relaxed and stopped struggling, then suddenly exploded trying to get out, she half way succeeded but her wing got caught on my arm, she fell flat on her face. I picked her back up. "Now then, which way?" She sighed and pointed with her hoof. I went in the direction she was giving me, we reached the library in about 15 minutes.
I knocked on the door, it was later answered by a small reptile, that's a fucking dragon, well what was I really expecting, already got other crazy stuff here, why not dragons? I walked in, surprised that he had not freaked out, as far as he knew I was some freaky alien here bent on the destruction of his kind, and the tiny horses too. "Hey Twilight, the...thing is here, he has Rainbow too."
"Be right down!" I looked for a couch and was rewarded with one just across the room, setting down the Pegasus I walked over to it, tiny horse couches are terribly uncomfortable, seriously sitting on the floor would be better, so I decided to do just that.
Hearing the clopping of hooves on wood I looked up and saw the one known as Twilight, her mane looked a bit frazzled. "Rainbow, we have to go, I just got a letter from Princess Celestia, a dragon is up in the mountains taking a nap, also." she turned towards me. "I can probably assume the large cloud of smoke was from you? I nodded my head. "Well the combination of the two of those would be bad enough, at least we can get rid of one." Oh I am sooooooooo going up there.
"You are taking me with, no ifs ands or buts." I needed to see this, a dragon big enough to cause danger to natural resources, a definite must see.
"No way, you have to stay here and...read, yeah read." I deadpanned, nope, try and keep me here, I dare you.
"Okay, lets be frank here." She tilted her head to the left, probably due to some kind of cultural difference. "It means that I am going to be blunt, there is no way for you to restrain me, and I could probably be of use, tell me I am wrong." She hung her head in defeat.
"Fine, but I need to gather the others first, Rainbow, care to help me? She did a salute...somehow, and left via crashing through a window, she didn't even seem to notice the property damage. Rushing out the door and going to the left she failed to close the door, leaving me a perfect opportunity to follow her. Getting up from the floor and making my way to the door, I was then intercepted by the tiny dragon, everything is so small here, maybe the dragon will be some fun. I looked down towards him and began to growl, he "Eeepped." in response, gulped as well, he slowly moved out of my way.
Making up for lost time I began to follow some recent hoof prints, hoping that they would be Twilights. As luck would have it, they were I found her in a park, turns out all her buddies from before had been there as well, she was now making the announcement to the town about the dragon, they were not taking it too well. Several were just plain freaking out.
I walked over to the group. "Hey, you all ready to go to the dragon?" They all jumped in surprise, it caused me to have a small snickering fit.
Then one of the more groomed of the six began to speak, chalk white coat with a pretty dark purple mane. "Not quite, we have to accessorize first." I do not like you, way to showy and flashy. They all now went off in different directions...ugh, so annoying.
Chapter five: Limitless. Part one.
I decided to follow the pink tiny horse this time, that was an enormous fucking mistake. I was now trudging throughout the entire town looking for any of those six that seemed important somehow, there was not sign of them anywhere. I decided that I would try and find my way back to the park, they would hopefully be there. Along the way I got several stares, apparently they had never seen humans before, guess that means...I'm alone...damn, that's depressing.
I found my way back to the park, I saw all six of them walking on a path now, the purple one looked behind her and saw me, she looked upset.
She then walked closer to each of her friends and they suddenly began to run/fly. I smirked a little bit. Really, they thought that they could just leave me here, with nothing to do? Nu uh, no way. I began to run towards the trail that they had taken, I decided to look up and see any of the smoke that the dragon was making, real black smooty looking stuff was coming form near the top of the mountain.
I slowed down a little and began to come up with a plan. Here is how it was basically going to go, I was going to go find that group, sneak around them, and get to the top of the mountain before them, thus showing that I could be of assistance, and that I did not hold any bad feelings towards them. They were most likely the cause of my being here after all, but I am not one to hold grudges...usually.
I began on my trek to catch up with the group of the six tiny horses, seeing the other two that I first saw in the park on my way, I waved. The mint green one waved back with an enormous smile. I should probably talk to her sometime, seemed to be a bit nicer and out going than the rest of them.
I decided to listen to music on my way to the cave that the dragon appeared to be in. I picked another one of my favorite songs, it seemed rather appropriate for what lay ahead.( Click here for music, be sure to open in another tab. )
Inspired by the ever-o-so-wonderful music I quickened my pace, determined to beat those tiny horses to the top. I noticed that the trail towards the mountain was fairly long, then again what was I really expecting? A walk in the park? That's what I just did so...probably not. I tugged my jacket at the front, it was beginning to cling to me for some reason, building up static electricity would be pretty hard to do right now, so what is it that is causing it? After noticing that, I began to feel a pressure in my chest.
Was this being caused by that spell? If so, why would it be having such adverse effects, she said that it was some kind of calming spell right, well it's making me pretty damn worried!
Deciding to experiment with it, I focused and flowed some of that sweet sweet spell juice into a stick that I had picked up. I could feel the pressure in my chest gradually decrease, and I could see no detrimental effects on the stick either, I tossed it to the side, when it collided with a fairly nearby tree...it imbedded itself in it, alright...not sure how to feel about that. The good news was that the pressure in my chest was gone...would I have to constantly have to get rid of this stuff now?
Wait, why would it build up? Where was the extra spell energy coming from? Screw beating those tiny horses to the top, I need to find them, they need to fix this! Hurrying along, I got an idea, what would happen if I used the magic to speed myself up, and put some of it in my shoes? Doing so, I entered a sprinting stance.
Magic in shoes? Check.
Magic in legs? Check.
Sweet shades? ...Sadly not checked.
I began to run...no, running does not do justice to the speed that I was traveling, think light speed perhaps? I was going fast, like way to fast. I stopped way to suddenly and ended up smashing my head into the mountain, by some serious level of luck it felt a large amount of the spell energy pooled in my head...wait? How have I been feeling it and guiding it so easily? I really hope one of those six has some kind of answer.
I looked behind me, my luck still holding, I saw the group of...five? Oh, nope wait, the yellow one with the pink tail was doing her goat thing again. What kind of response is that, I mean really it's not going to help you live longer, like at all. Then again, this place seemed like it was fairly nice...'cept for the dragon.
I began a leisurely walk towards the group, playing off my head first mountain shaking collision. I then began to feel woozy, I felt around the top of my head...a large rock was imbedded in my head...
"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" I began to run around in circles, coming to the conclusion that I was about to die. I had lived a good life, played a lot of video games, did some incredibly minor coding and then gave up on it, spent time with friends now and then, went to a world filled with tiny horses that gave me magi-... "I can't believe I did not think of that earlier."
I focused and drew some of that good old spell juice into my head again, mostly focusing on the stone, as soon as it reached the wound I pulled out the rock.
All of the tiny horses gasped simultaneously, it probably did look pretty bad. I then pointed towards the purple one. "You, I told you I was coming. Never, and I mean never! Try and deny me." Wow, this place just makes me get angry faster, calm down, damn. I began to take long deep breathes. While doing so, I saw out of the corner of my eye the other five begin to step in front of the purple one.
"Hey! You can't jus' go and talk to somepony that way! Apologize now!" She emphasized apologize with a hoof stomp. My right eye began to twitch a little. I then sat Indian style, trying to calm myself more.
"M-maybe w-we should just g-go?" That time it was the yellow one with the pink mane.
"Yeah, lets just go girls." It was the purple one, I knew it, she was their little group leader. They all went around me, I was still just doing my breathing exercises, need to calm down some before I make rash decisions. After some thorough breathing exercises I looked back, trying to spot the tiny horses, they were not to far ahead of me now, pretty easy to catch up to. I made a fast gait towards them.
I was now beside the purple one, they were all giving me some pretty good death glares. "Look...uh, never been very good at this whole apology thing so uhm...yeah, sorry about snapping on you about not allowing me to have what it is that I want...and stuff."
She turned toward me, still walking like the rest. "Apology accepted, now you need to go back to the library."
"Nope." She had a really stern look on her face and I knew she was about to say something, they had very easy to read faces, many human like traits when showing emotion. "Now then, before you say anything, this is an enormous dragon, right?"
"Yes?" She said this, most likely not knowing where I was going, Hell, I barely did, most of this was coming straight off the top of my head.
"Well, I think I have demonstrated a pretty large amount of strength, so if anything I can distract it and get eaten while you six get away." Please work, please work, please work!
"Ugh, fine, you can come along, just don't do anything dangerous, we still have some questions we need to ask you." YES! It's not everyday that you get to go out with a bunch of tiny talking magical unicorns that plan on making a dragon stop sleeping near their town, so may as well take every chance you get, right?
We headed up the mountain until we got to a point where a tiny crack separated two parts of the mountain, all of them made what looked to be some kind of huge show of jumping it, until finally the yellow one was up to go, I was still over there, content to wait and just step over it. But she had started to make a bunch of fuss and not want to do it, so I did the only logical thing.
"Okay, then I will put you across." Her eyes went wide and she goat fainted...again. This is just getting ridiculous, I picked her up and stepped across, she was still in her freaked out goat position. They all looked at me with faces that screamed 'Great, now your going to have to carry her.'
This is just great.
View Online
Chapter six: Limitless. Part two./ I beat the shit out of a dragon.
I was right, I was too damn right to even bare it. This was by far one of the most boring walks I had ever taken in my life. I looked up, they were all ahead of me, showing no signs of boredom, lucky fuckers. I looked to my left, the forest that I assume brought me here, I should probably check that place out sometime soon. I looked to my left, grey...honestly what was I expecting? It is the side of a mountain after all. I kicked a rock, and it somewhat unintentionally ended up bouncing off of the purples horses horn.
"Ow! Don't do that!" I looked at her sheepishly.
"It was an accident, I swear." I put up my hands and made a defensive/sorry gesture.
"Suuure it was." That was the rainbow maned one, she had been looking back at me the entire trip, like I was going to suddenly get the urge to attack them or something. I began to look out over the forest again, slowing losing sight of it due to the path on the mountain curving, I had to go back there sometime so as to see if I could go home.
"Okay girls...er, and...whatever you are, we're nearly there, just another hour of travel or so!"...A fucking hour...is nearly there to these things? Fuck this. I began to walk faster, rather quickly passing up all the small horses.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"To the top, you things travel waaaaaay to slow for me."
"WE are not things! We are ponies." Well, that means nothing to me. I began to think of a song that would be good to beat a dragon up to. I put in my in my head phones for some good old pump up music to get myself ready, right before the music started I could hear them beginning to yell at me, time to turn the volume up...now that I think about it, how is this thing still charged?
(*About twenty minutes of jogging later.*)
I had finally reached the source of the smoke, inside I could see a rather large pile of gold, golden items, jewels, and precious stones...mine! I picked the song that I was going to listen to whilist kicking this things ass if it decided not to go peacefully. I pulled my ear-buds through the head entrance of my shirt, setting them to hang there while my MP3 stayed paused.
I walked over to a very large red dragon, I noticed that the spikes along the top of it's head were a pinkish color very similar to those of the one pony that was a creamy yellow color...wait...I turned my head to the area between my left arm and the left side of my body, in-between was said pony...fuck.
I walked back out of the cave and put the semi-conscious...pony, yeah that's what it was, down behind a large boulder. I then proceeded to walk to the mouth of the cave again. I walked right up to the things snout and kicked it, hard.
"Hey!" It lazily opened its eyes. "What do you want?!"
"I want you to leave, simply as that." I crossed my arms and looked down on it, don't ask, I just did.
"And what if I don't you little puny...thing?" I smirked a little bit.
"I was hoping you would say that, you have until the count of three."
I grabbed my ear-buds. "One." It simply looked at me as though I was insane to challenge it.
I grabbed my MP3 player. "Two." At this point it became quizzical as to what I was doing.
Stooping down, I grabbed a rock and channeled some magic into it, it slowly grew larger and took the form of a rather large sledge hammer. "Three." This was the point where it began to worry, I could see an un-easy look in its eyes.
"You really should have gone." I began to laugh manically
(*FLASHBACK MOTHERFUCKERS!*).
I looked down the schools parking lot and noticed my tormentors, those that constantly harassed me and took what was mine, today was the day that this would stop. I walked down to four of them.
"Well look who it is boys, the four eyed money bag." The only reason that they called me ""money bag"" was because I almost always had a few bucks on me if I needed something at a moments notice.
"Everything you four do is wrong, it stops now. Now then-"
"I'm sorry, what was that, is it speaking?"
"Now then! It can be done peacefully, or it can be done in a...more fun way." I grinned a little bit, it showed all of my teeth, so maybe more than a little bit, this seemed to upset all of them except their little leader.
"How about the more fun way!" The lead dumb-ass charged at me, trying to throw a wild hay-maker my way, I easily sidestepped, fully allowing my instincts to take over. I hit him with the tips of my fingers in the muscle right in his armpit, effectively stopping pretty much all function right arm movement. He screamed out in pain, I simply laughed. I was practically born for this.
Two of them charged at me this time, perfectly parallel with each other, as though that would help them though. The one on my right aimed for my face while the one on the left tried to go for a gut punch. I felt my knees give out, not because of any of them, it was simply my bodies natural response to their attack, if I am to low to hit, then they can't. As soon as they had thrown their unsuccessful punches my hips exploded, throwing me upwards, essentially making my shoulders get very acquainted with their faces, this however did not fully incapacitate them. After being hit back some by my shoulders and the instinctual need to bring their hands to their faces to cover the pain, their guts and legs were left wide open.
I kicked in the left knee of the one that was on my right, he bellowed out with pain. As soon as he did the one to his right looked at me, tears in his eyes and an obviously broken nose. He tried throwing another punch at me, this one was significantly less coordinated and missed me without me having to move an inch. I delivered a swift punch to his already broken nose. I think he went down due to pain, or maybe I killed him, either way he hit the ground with an audible thud.
The last one had literally pissed himself, I had just taken out his three friends, well not really, their ring leader was still able to use his left arm. I should probably deal with him some more once I am done with this one.
"Boo!" He screamed and ran. I turned around to look at the groups head honcho. He was crying, having your arm not work and being in some serious pain really does suck. I walked up to him, I made sure to kick the two that were down. When I reached him he was cowering into a car. "What the fuck is wrong with you!" I simply smiled again.
"I am what you should not mess with." I brought my leg up as high, and as swiftly as I could, and threw it down onto his head with as much force as I could. It was one of the best high-kicks I had ever done.
(*Back to the present.*)
I pressed play on the MP3 player.
Youtube Video
I Brought the hammer up and brought it down, the dragon attempted to block it with its hand, un-luckily for him though, it seemed to have broken some of his bones. It cried in pain, then roared in frustration. With its right hand, the un-damaged one, he swatted at me, I jumped over it by channeling some of the magic to my legs, with some of said magic I turned my pant legs and shoes into a metric ton weight, this things hand was probably beyond repair. Once again, it roared out.
For once I was wrong on how my opponent was injured, it brought the seemingly still function hand up, throwing my straight to the ceiling, due to my pants conveniently being a one ton weight, I went straight back down. I turned them back into a good old pair of black jeans. With the hammer still in hand I charged it, this should be interesting.
(*Inside of his brain is a convenient conversation between himself and himself.*)
Now then, who would like to hear a little bit on the mechanics of how I fight? Don't like the way I am introducing how I fight, shove a cactus up your ass because no one cares!
Whenever I fight, my instincts take complete control, I am still there and if I wanted to I could take over, though I would be much less efficient in these kind of proceedings, I normally have an idea what it is that I will be going on next, however now that this whole magic dealio has been added into the mix, I will have absolutely no fucking clue on what's going to happen.
(Meanwhile outside his brain a dragon is getting smashed with a very large (INSERT SONG NAME HERE.).)
While I was thinking on the mechanics of my fighting I had run up a wall, presumably via magic making me stick to it, and had jumped onto its head, this cause it to violently shake its head around, if it weren't for my hammer being lodged into the area between its scales I would have probably been thrown off. With my free left hand I began to punch it, each one getting stronger than the last, slowly, yet surely it began to slow down.
I hopped off of the dragons head. "Okay, would you like to leave now?!"
I think it attempted to shake its head, but ended up grimacing instead. Yeah something tells me that it has a pretty bad headache right now. It began to gather the gems and gold in the cave...with his mouth. "OYE, what the fuck do you think you're doin!? These are mine now, you didn't leave peacefully, and now you have to pay for your mistake."
"Bu-" I hoisted up the sledge hammer. At this point it began to blink, probably pondering how such a small creature made it hurt so bad, and left the cave via a mixture of wing flaps, misplaced foot steps and hands guiding it along the cave walls. All in all, not a bad day.
Chapter seven: An interesting idea.
As soon as the dragon got out of the cave and flew away the five ponies came in. They all seemed rather happy, except the purple one, she was scowling...like scary scowling. "Please tell me you did not just beat that dragon into leaving!" Everyone was extremely surprised, for it was not the purple one that yelled, but rather the obviously timid yellow one.
"Yes, I did, but in all fairness I offered it a more peaceful option of getting the hell out." Wait, where did she even come from, she was behind a boulder last I saw.
"Couldn't you have tried being a little bit nicer, he might not have even known what he was doing was wrong!" Damn, she is getting kind of loud.
"OYE! I did you all a favor, be fucking grateful." Without even realizing it I had channeled such a large amount of magic into my legs that the rocks below were glowing from heat. I in fact could feel it on my legs, though it would appear as though the magic was acting as a coolant.
They all huddled up again, this time much more quietly. "Fluttershy, lets just get you out of here." The one with the purple mane and the white coat took her out of the cave. The yellow one did not seem to resist much, which was good because I really did not want to be on bad terms with the major populace.
"Fluttershy, what a fitting name for such a timid creature. Now then, do you four have a problem with what I did?" I cooled my legs a bit, hoping that the heat would dissipate fairly quickly with it. I guess magically generated heat must have some less than normal features about it.
"Yes, though not as much as she does, but don't you think you could have given it a much less evident concussion?" The purple one seemed to be their leader, if I establish good connections with her, the others will most likely trust me more and not be so...intrusive.
"He was asking for it ya know, I said it before and I will say it again, I offered the peaceful way, and the more fun way." They all exchanged worried glances. And once again, huddled up. This was really getting quite annoying. I am getting pretty tired of their ways of dealing with things.
"If you have something to say, say it dammit!" Shit, the magic went to my legs again, and my arms, I looked at the still clutched sledgehammer and noticed that it was getting a mild yellow color due to heat. They all began to back off a bit, damn, I really need to get a hang on this stuff. Though it does give me some ideas on what to do with this gold.
"We need to get Celestia to see him, he is putting out way more magic than I put in him with that spell." Hmm, Celestia must be some kind of lead witch or wizard or magi or unicorn or...shit I'm out of magic wielding peoples. Meh, it matters not, hopefully this person can help me to control this, that way I won't accidentally melt down my new house.
"Yeah, you go do that, I'm just going to hangout here. Maybe count my gold." Or melt it down for something awesome!
"Whoa whoa whoa, you're keeping all this gold and stuff?" The rainbow maned one really seemed a bit to interested in this.
I deadpanned. "Well yeah, what did you expect me to do, throw it on a fire for fuel?" Oh please for the love of everything please do not let that be a thing here.
The rainbow one deadpanned right back. "No, I was just thinking, that...I don't know you mi-"
"Yes, you can have some damn, just get to the point!" These ponies were really starting to get on my nerves. They really should just be leaving me alone. I mean really, what do they want to do with a creature that has never been here before, from what I can see they deal with plenty of fucked up things anyway! Also, how in the name of everything ever did they expect to just persuade a dragon, a motherfucking DRAGON the size of like, 6 stacked semis to just, to just leave!
During my mental rant the rainbow colored one grabbed some of the gold and then left with the others. "Ugh, may as well go get some fire wood." I pumped a shit-ton of magic to my legs to speed it along.I began to run at some seriously break neck speeds, and fell right off of the cliff...not my best move. "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-" *THUD!* "UCK"
Mental note, don't run full speed off of mountains anymore, it hurts...A LOT. Wait, that is a common sense thing, maybe I should look into the effects of this magic, hopefully it does not screw with me to bad.
I got up, slowly...very slowly. I looked around and saw that I had landed in that dreadful forest from earlier, perhaps aimlessly walking around again will take me home? Or something would come out and eat me, a surprise attack is a hard attack to defend against after all. I channeled some magic into my right arm and punched a tree, took three hits to take it down. I grabbed it by the base of the trunk and threw it over my shoulder to carry it back up...or perhaps jump? Once again I focused on channeling magic, though this time to my legs. Once an adequate amount was there I lowered down and exploded with as much upward momentum as I could. I ended up going a few meters above where the cave entrance was, but I would be fine falling that height if I could survive the fall down there.
I landed and dropped the tree, time to go fashion my self a golden ax.
Attempt number 857...or something like that. "Fuck it, I give up, I would have more luck with stone or wood than this shit!" Every time I tried to pour magic into the gold it was like trying conduct electricity into rubber, it just doesn't work. I went to the cave entrance and looked up,...the moon was in the middle of the sky, maybe I should sleep? I promptly went down to the forest and collected about a dozen or so leaves. I then returned to the cave and enlarged all the leaves to be about the 1.5x my size. Once I was done with that I put them on the ground, not all directly on top of each other of course, but layered them much like a birds feathers, though a bit more condensed. I went to lay down on the freshly made bed of leaves and fell asleep rather quickly.
(*Meanwhile with the super friends...er, mane six.*)
"How does it get all that energy?" Twilight sat on a train to Canterlot, near silently talking to herself and doing several mental calculations. Meanwhile all her friends were in a heated discussion on how to best deal with the unknown entity.
"I say we fight it!" This was of course Rainbow dash.
"Don't you think that is just a tad bit brutish? We should have it become a member of society...and let me see its clothes!" Rarity seemed more interested in this things clothes than the being itself.
"We should see how it parties!" You know damn well who this is.
"We should jus' leave it be, I wouldn't want anypony comin' around an' botherin' me if I was some kinda alien." Applejack of course.
"..." I say again, you know damn well who this is.
They all eventually settled down and slept for the rather long train ride to Canterlot, in the morning they would have a lot of discussing to do with Celestia.
(*Back at the cave.*)
I awoke rather startled, had a weird as fuck dream, I was here still, but I was in pony form but still doing everything that I had done as a human, including fighting the dragon and manipulating things just as well with hooves as I had with hands. To say it was odd would be an understatement. I got up, and was surprised to see that I was not at all hungry, in the mornings I am typically a ravenous monster, but right now I felt pretty great...and that pressure that builds up from when I don't use magic suddenly hit me like a wall.
Before I knew what was going on I saw the very air around me warp as though it was being super heated. I twisted my head to the left and saw that a rather large amount of the gold had started to melt, the stone beneath me was red hot as well. After a few seconds of this massive heat wave it began to dissipate. I just lay on the ground for a second, extremely exhausted from...whatever the fuck that was.
I got up and all of me felt rather rejuvenated, though now I was back to my incredibly hungry self. I decided to grab some of the non-melted gold and go down to that town, surely they would have some kind of food that would be suitable for me to eat. The walk down the mountain was un-eventful, rather boring actually. I liked it. Once I reached the the park that was nearby to the mountain trail I saw what looked to be an ice-cream-vender. I looked back up at the sky, it appeared to be noon. I spoke quietly to myself. "What is up with me and being halfway through the day or night?" I looked back down to see the vender now serving a familiar mint green horse...er pony.
I decided ice cream would be as good a breakfast as just about anything else around here and walked up the the vender. What really surprised me was her reaction, or really her lack of one. "Hey, whatchya need bud?" I simply stared at her for a moment and then thought about what type of ice cream I would like.
"Got any rocky road?"
"Bowl or cone?"
"...Bowl."
She seemed to scavenge the inside of her cart and then handed me a wooden bowl that contained a rather large amount of rocky road ice cream. "Five bits please."
I took out five of the gold coins. "Is this enough?" And then the distinct sound of a jaw hitting the ground could be heard.
"T-that's five HUNDRED bits!" Oh, well it looks like the money system is easy enough. Huh, may as well make a good impression.
"Go ahead and keep the change, I feel like I am going to be coming around quite a bit more." I was about to smile but then remembered my teeth and how they would probably frighten her, what with the incisors and what not. I walked away while she just kind of talked to herself a little bit. I sped up just enough to catch up to...Lyra, yeah that's it. I decided to make my presence know a few meters behind her.
"Hell-afgh!" The next thing I knew I was being tackled down the they ground by the other one from the forest, Bon-bon I believe it was. My eye began to twitch and now familiar feeling of pressure in my chest welled up. I was suddenly in an upright position though I made no movement to make myself so. I looked to my right to see that Bon-bon was once again charging me, though I had my bowl of ice cream in my hand still, none was out of it too...did I travel back in time...I think I just traveled back in time. I put the bowl of delicious ice cream in my left and and stretched out my right hand. Bon-bons face made a satisfying smack like sound when she collided with it.
"Hey! What was that for?" I dead-panned her.
"You know what that was for, you were about to tackle me!" Now she looked rather sheepish.
"In my defense, you were stalking Lyra!" It was at this time that Lyra decided to make her presence known.
"What? You were stalking me? I didn't know I was interesting enough to be stalked, was it fun?" Well I have to say she was reacting rather well the the prospect of being stalked.
"I was not stalking you, I was walking up to you to talk to you."I said this while looking quite intently at Bon-bon. "But before I could your friend here tried to tackle me." Better not include the time travel part, that might lead to some problems.
"Awwh, getting stalked sounds like fun!" My word these ponies are fucking weird. I started to eat my ice cream, don't want it getting all liquid-y. I walked away from the two now bickering females that were arguing about how getting stalked was either awesome or horrid. I have to say, while Bon-bon had more common sense, Lyra seemed like the funner one. I passed by the still extremely surprised vendor. I guess five hundred bits *Puts on conviniently placed sunglasses.* is quite a bit.
View Online
Chapter nine: A less than pleasant surprise.
I was walking towards the town, or I at least was pretty sure I was, when I saw a brilliant flash out of the corner of my right eye. I looked towards it, it came from the mouth of the cave that I was currently living in. "Why the fuck do I have to deal with this stuff?!" Seriously, why could no one else have gone here? I just wanted to be at home in my nice comfy bed, though this whole magic thing was pretty nice. I started jogging back to the cave, hopefully nothing to bad would be going down.
*Previously while Twilight and friends were seeing Celestia.*
Twilight and the rest of the mane six had just arrived to Canterlot when the were received by a royal carriage, Celestia must have known that this was a rather important issue to have sent one. They all entered the cabin of the carriage and were swiftly transported to the castle, as soon as they got there they were received by a group or royal guards. Once again they were quickly taken else were, this time it was the throne room. They saw Celestia in her throne. Now for the tricky part of explaining what was going on in Ponyville.
"Princess, there's a monster near Ponyville!" Great job Dash. *Facehoof*
*Nearing the mouth of the cave.*
"Okay, now then, what the fu-SHIT!" I ducked under a spear that was thrown at me, before I even had a chance of activating my response, it took over. As the spear was going over my head my left arm shot out and grabbed it at about the middle of the shaft, if was quickly spun around and thrown back in the direction it originated from. I then noticed that my legs started to move. As soon as the throw was done, several ponies clad in what appeared to be golden armor were in my cave, one of which had major denting in its armor, it appeared to be the one that got hit with the spear, it was writhing on the ground. Another spear was launched at me and this time my right arm grabbed it at the end of the shaft, when I arrived a few feet from the ponies it was being used as a melee weapon, striking several of them before they had time to react. By the time that they did, they tried to use magic on me, which just seemed to make me even faster. I noticed that the six rather obnoxious ones were in the back of the cave, along with a much larger pony that had both wings and a horn, her horn was glowing a very bright white. I refocused my attention on the remaining guards. There were six left, I picked one up with my left hand, this was done by bending his armor with my grip My word I love being fueled with magic. and proceeded to throw him at another, this incapacitated two of them. The remain four had contraptions on them that held spears out by their right sides. This would be too easy.
The first one charged at me and I simply side stepped the the left of the blade, effectively putting me at the ponies right side, when it did not connect with anything it had trouble stopping, while trying to stop I grabbed it right back leg and swung it at the left side of the second one trying to charge at me, incapacitating both. The other two were analyzing all of what was happening, they were both unicorns and did not seem to be as heavily built as the others, they were also not in armor.With all detectable danger gone I snapped out of my auto-defense mode. (That's what I'm calling it, deal.) When suddenly I felt a sharp pain from my right, one of the twos horns was glowing I looked down and I saw a rock. It really should not have done that. My auto-defense mechanism kicked in, but I took back control. This was going to be a job for finesse. I concentrated magic in the area around me, about 3 meters or so around me in a dome like shape. Within this area everything was being lifted into the air, coins rocks, small bits of debris. I then put a massive amount of energy into the back of each of these items and released it. Essentially it was a massive shotgun. However when the objects were about to reach their destination they were suddenly stopped by a glowing white wall. I looked towards the taller pony, and noticed that her horn was still glowing, and the color coming off of it was the same as the glowing white walls.
"Explain why you have done this." I needed answers as to why I was being attacked, I had done...little damage thus far, and actually helped these ponies, what had I done to deserve this?
The tall white ones horn diminished in color, leaving the cave in a much more noticeably darker lighting. She then began to speak, her tone was quite motherly yet...something else was there. Anger perhaps, I mean I did just beat the living shit out of her troops. Wait, her troops? She does seem to have a commanding presence about her, yeah, she was probably the one leading them. As soon as I was done making these observations she began to speak. "We have come to determine if you are a threat or not, in my best judgement" She seemed to make a dramatic pause, all the ponies that were not on the ground were all watching with faces that were practically screaming 'ITS A FUCKING THREAT, KILL IT!' "you are not a threat." All of the six ponies gasped, the two unicorns seemed rather not surprised and all of them on the floor grunted their disagreement. "Hear me out, instead of fatally wounding or killing you, he only left you in extreme pain."
"Well when you put it that way it all makes sense really, I could have killed you. Rather easily at that." I had an enormous shit eating grin on my face. Today was a good day.