Everypony likes Shut The Box! Right?

by Lord Faggot

First published August 1st, 2014 17:40

Twilight decides to clear out her library of old things she doesn't use anymore, but when she finds a certain board game, things get a bit out of hand!

Basically, rage ensues and Celestia nearly explodes the sun out of rage. Isn't she a good loser? Right? Anybody with me? No? My dad?

To the story! This is written exclusively on my phone so sorry for grammatical errors and the like if there are anyway.

17/3/15 EDIT: This is so cringeworthy and a pile of shit, how did this even get liked?

Chapters

Yay board games
Let The Chaotic Games Begin!
Shit Hits The Fan
Ruh-roh
The Final Showdown(s)
The Aftermath
Introducing The Contestants...

Yay board games
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Yay board games

Tuesday 14:48 PM

Twilight's Library

Twilight trotted down the stairs and gives out a large;
"GOOD MORNING GOLDEN OAK BOOK SANCTUARY!" Twilight's horn lights up and all the books fall into piles. "Spike!" Twilight shouts.
"What? Celestia hasn't even risen the sun yet!" Spike replies.
"Well, get up! We're going to clear out the library of old things I don't use anymore!" She says whilst going up the stairs.
"Five more minutes, Twilight, please?" Begs Spike.
"Nope! Get up!" Twilight levitates Spike out of his bedsket and shakes him. A lot.
"No." Spike says. Twilight reluctantly puts Spikes back in his bedsket, knowing that the shaking won't work anymore.
Twilight looks around the library for some old things to throw out, when she finds something called "Shut The Box". Twilight opens it out of curiosity and finds the instructions.
"This set consists of a baize lined tray with nine pivoting wooden times each numbered individually on both sides. When the titles are lying parallel to the tray they are "open"; when they are tilted back against the edge of the tray they are "closed" or "shut". The objective is to "shut" the numbers by throwing the two dice into the tray and using the score to flip over tiles to the same total value. The combined score of both dice must be used exactly, but it is the player's choice to which combination of the of the tiles is flipped over." Reads aloud Twilight.
"Should be easy enough." She says, putting the instructions back in the box and heading towards Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie would want to play this with her, surely.

Tuesday 15:27 PM

Sugarcube Corner

"Sure, Twilight! Board games are great! In fact, I'll go get the others right now!" Pinkie Pie shouts enthusiastically.
"Oh, Pinkie." Says Twilight as Pinkie Pie leaves to go get everypony. A couple minutes later, all of the Mane 6 are in the building. Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy and ~~Derpy~~ ~~a background character called~~ Applejack.
"So, where's this board game ya' have, Twi?" Asks Applejack.
"Right here." Answers Twilight as she levitates the box from the table behind her onto the table on front of her.
"My, that's incredibly dusty! Didn't you even think of brushing away the dust!? Nevertheless, I brought this small brush." Says Rarity, getting out a small brush from her bag with her magic and then sweeping away all the dust.
"There, now we can finally play this game!" Rarity says.
"It's called Shut The Box." Twilight says.

Tuesday 15:34 PM

Canterlot Castle

Princess Celestia felt a chill up her spine. And shakes a bit.
"What is wrong, sister? Are you cold?" Asks Princess Luna, princess of the night.
"No, Luna. I just thought I heard somepony mention that game, Shut the box." Celestia replies.
"But who in their right mind would have such a game?" Asks Luna.
" I don't know, Luna. But I'm going to go see." Answers Celestia.

Author's Note

Well, Shut the Box is a real board game and has annoyed and pissed me off through the ages. I warn you all. It's a real bloodbath.

Let The Chaotic Games Begin!
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Let The Chaotic Games Begin!

Tuesday 22:34 PM

Canterlot Castle

"So, we're all gonna play this here game, here in the castle?" Asked Applejack.
"Well, you all certainly can't play in the Crystal Empire, you've got Sombra with you. And you can't play in Ponyville, you've got Trixie with you. And the biggest place is Canterlot Castle, where no one knows any of you." Answers a disembodied, but familiar, voice.
"And you are who, exactly?" Loudly asks Rainbow Dash.
"How could you not recognise my voice? Well, you have three guesses!" The disembodied voice tells Rainbow Dash.
"Chrysalis? Wait, no... Princess Luna? Wait, no... ISTHEANSWERDISCORD!?" Pinkie Pie shouts quickly and loudly.
"Dingdingding! We have a winner!" Discord comes out of thin air.
"Ta-daaaaa!" Discord says, trying to make a dramatic entrance.
"That wasn't exactly, um, dramatic... If you're ok with my criticism..." Fluttershy, of course, QUIETLY criticises Discord.
"I'll try to make it better next time, Fluttershy dear. Thank you." Replies Discord and Fluttershy blushes a bit.
"And why are you here, Pisscord?" Asks Rainbow Dash, who starts sniggering until her mouth is zipped up by Discord's immense power of epic proportions.
"Well, let's start the game now." Twilight pushes the two away from each other, puts the book on a nearby table, opens the box and explains the instructions and gives a couple examples

Wednesday 00:55 AM

Canterlot Castle

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE LOST!? I. AM. GOD. AND YOU ARE A WEAK UNICORN!" Screams Celestia right in Trixie's face.
"You have lost to the Great and Powerful Trixie, simple as. Now leave the room! Trixie does not want to talk to a sore loser as yourself, princess." Trixie replies, surprisingly calmly due to just being shouted at in the face by the ruler or everything to exsist and has exsisted. Celestia storms outside to the balcony.
"My my, Tia. Why so mad?" Discord inquires, already knowing the question.
"I lost to Trixie. TRIXIE. I LOST TO ~~BEST PONY~~ TRIXIE. A CON ARTIST!" Celestia goes on and on about Equestrian Law but Discord gets bored and goes in his match against Trixie.

Wednesday 01:23 AM

Canterlot Castle

Discord is being careful with his moves, completely ~~cereal~~ serious, he and Trixie are sweating, it's a VERY serious match. Trixie can't figure it out, but somehow, somehow Discord is cheating. Aaaand Discord's won.
"WHAT!? THIS IS HORSESHIT! AAAAAH! " Trixie shouts at Discord.
"Now now, Beatrix. Calm down. It's just a game." Discord says sarcastically.
"GAME!? YOU THINK THIS IS JUST A GAME!? CELESTIA NEARLY EXPLODED THE SUN BECAUSE SHE LOST TO ME!
"Oh, yes... That wonderful situation. I'm gonna tell the readers here what happened. Basically..." Discord starts to tell the story.

Author's Note

So. Discord's gonna tell the big story about the sun exploding which happened only an hour before Discord started his match with Trixie. Prepare for shit to go down. Also, true anger is coming next chapter. There will be Discord temper tantrums. Things will happen. Prepare.

Shit Hits The Fan
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Shit Hits The Fan

Wednesday 01:12 AM

Canterlot Castle

"Blahblahblahlawstatesthatblahhblahblah" Carrys on Celestia, not realising that ~~nopony~~ nodraconequus is actually there to hear her boring rant of boringness coated in boring pudding from the mountains of boredom. Celestia looks around and doesn't see Discord anywhere.
"F'taghn." She says, nopony or draconequus to hear her. Eventually she gets really angered about the fact she lost to Trixie the con artist. Celestia's horn starts to glow as random items are thrown into the sky... But then suddenly...
"Did I just throw that at the sun?" Celestia leans forward for a better look. She threw a nuclear warhead.
"What in Tartarus!? I, er... Whew, erm... How did that get here in Equestria?" Celestia pretends to wonder.

Every reader raises an eyebrow.

"I better get rid of that, heh." Celestia says, then erasing the nuclear weapon from existence just before it hit the sun.
"That strange thing that I don't know exists certainly had me for a fright! I wonder what it was?" Celestia asks the sky sarcastically.

Every reader facepalms.

Wednesday 01:37 AM

Canterlot Castle

"That was it?" Asks Trixie.
"Eeyup." Replies Discord, his best Big Mac impretion.
"What was that voice?" Trixie asks.
"You won't get it but the readers'll get it! GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!" And with that, he's gone.

Wednesday 01:44 AM

Canterlot Castle

"Alright Applejack, prepare to be beat!" Rainbow Dash says to Applejack, rather competitively.
"Nope, yer goin' down Painbow Crash!" Replies Applejack, rather competitively.
Twilight sets up the board as normal.
"Start in 3... 2... 1... GO!" Twilight shouts as Pinkie Pie fires her party cannon.
"Did ya' have ta' do that?" Applejack questions.
"Sorry, just thought it'd work?" Pinkie Pie answers with a cute smile and a squeak?
"It's alright Pinkie. Now let's start this! YEAH DICE ROLL!" RD shouts and flips square number 3
"Oh no ya' don't! DICE ROLL!" AJ shouts and flips number square 7
"You can't do this, buster! Yeah, take that!" Everypony turns to face Pinkie.
"Sorry again." She smiles with another squeak.
AJ and RD dice roll and flip numbers all night long until...
"Hey Rainbow." Says AJ.
"What?" Replies RD
"AH WIN!" AJ shouts right at RD and flips the last number square and shuts the box.
"BOOM!" She continues to shout and breaks into a dance and then Pinkie Pie joins in. A while later everypony except RD and Discord were dancin'.

Wednesday 02:34 AM

Canterlot Castle

Rainbow Dash is at the balcony now.
"Why the loooooong face Crashy? Did you looooooooose to Applejackoff like a loooooooooooooser?" Asks Discord, who is totally being considerate.
"Yeah... I lost. I LOST! DO YOU BELIEVE IT!?" Rhetorically asks Rainbow Dash and when she looks over to Discord, he looks like Naruto.
"Believe it!" He says then returning to normal.
"What was that?" RD asks.
"You won't get it but the readers will! GOOD NIGH EV--" Discord's sentence is cut short when he's teleported to a place which is complete darkness.
"Er, hello?" He says, but then out of nowhere, Quagmire from Family Guy appears.
"You stole my joke. You stole my joke, man. You know what's gotta happen now? Things you didn't even know was possible gotta happen to you now. Bye bye reader. You're not watching this." Quagmire says, threateningly.

A door opens behind the readers and they're pushed in. The door closes and locks. There's screaming and moaning from beyond the door. But after a while, we're sent back to Canterlot Castle.

Author's Note

Didn't see Discord anger yet, will do next chapter. I promise.

Ruh-roh
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Ruh-roh

Ruh-roh

Wednesday 12:30 PM

Canterlot Castle

"Now that we've all actually had some sleep, ah'd say it's time ta' carry on the games, everypony agree?" Applejack asks the whole of them. Discord is shaking in the corner crying, King Sombra is practising his dice throwing skills, Princess Celestia is convincing her subjects that she doesn't have a nuclear weapon, Rainbow Dash exploded out of anger, Fluttershy and Rarity are talking to each other and Applejack is asking a question. All of this because of a simple game in a box cleverly named Sooper Ckret Bocks Of Dainjer. One might think that this is all crazy. Oh, what of Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle? Rainbow Dash's explosion claimed their lives. Nobody went to Twilight's funeral and only one blond white coated Pegasus named Surprise went to Pinkie's. Happy? You bastards. Anyways, back to the story...
"Let's continue. Come on!" Says a perky King Sombra.
"Alr-r-r-r-right then..." Replies the crying Discord.
"What happened to you?" Sombra inquires.
"You d-d-d-d-don't wanna know, Sombra." Shakily answers Discord. Sombra walks with Rarity to the Shut The Box room.

Meanwhile with Discord...
"I still can't believe he did that because I stole his joke... WHY!?" Discord screams into te ceiling before burying his face in his paw and talon.
"I... I'm not gonna just let this go by!" Discord gets up and snaps his claw.

Quagmire was in The Drunken Clam when he got teleported to Canterlot Castle.
"What the hell!?" He shouts then turns around to see Discord and the ponies still in the room.
"Hello there, Quagmire. What a pleasant surprise. Also, you made me angry. The god of chaos is angry. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE!?" Discord shouts in Quagmire's face.
"I AM DISCORD GOD OF CHAOS, YOU KILLED MY VIRGINITY, PREPARE TO DIE!" Claws come out of Discord's lion paw and he slashes into Quagmire's eyes.
"AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHDEARGODTHEPAINMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOOOOP!" Quagmire screams out. Discord raises his eagle talon up high.
"FALCON PUNCH!" He shouts and his eagle fist becomes ablaze and smashes into Quagmire's chest and he explodes.
"I. AM. AMAZING!" Discord shouts into the air.

Now that that's over with... This chapter is concluded.

Author's Note

Next chapter is the last one. Get ready for shit to go down!

The Final Showdown(s)
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The Final Showdown(s)

Sunday 20:14

Remains Of Canterlot Castle

Sombra and Trixie are still currently in-game for some reason, no one knows how and why.
"How have they continued the game for so long?" Discord wonders.
"Ah don't know but ah'm certainly ready fer mah game with ya', Discord." Replies Applejack.
"Well, I, just want to finish the game so I can leave this HORRIBLE MESS!" Says Rarity. But then a door slams open!
"~~Best pony~~ The Great and Powerful Trixie has..." Begins to say Trixie.
"Go on..." Says Discord.
"~~Won~~Lost!" Trixie continues.
"Wow. Just, wow. You manage to beat the GOD of the sun and you can't beat the guy who only had ONE. LINE!?" Shouts Discord.
"It wasn't easy, y'know? It took two days!" Says Sombra. But then, all of a sudden...
"Wooooo spoooooooky!" Er, said... Pinkie Pie's ghost? WHAT AM I WRITING!? Well, anyways.
"What the..." Discord says, the draconequus looking straight at the ghost.
"I'm Piiiiiiinkieeeeee wooooooo spoooky!" Pinkie Pie's ghost replies SERIOUSLY WHAT AM I WRITING!? I'M OUT. GOODBYE!

...

HELLO! I am your new writer I'll be carrying on for now, my name is BillyBob. Back to the story.

Sunday 21:34

Remains Of Canterlot Castle

"Yer goin' down, Discord! Ah'll best ya' at this here game!" Applejack states. Discord and AJ are in the remains of the Shut The Box room, all set up ready to go.
"Nuh-uh! YOU'RE going down!" Discord replies.
"Let the games begin!" Declares Sombra. They dice roll into the night and flip number squares.
"Yer not gonna win this one, Discord!" Applejack says.
"Oh, I believe I've already won." Discord replies.
"Whut?" AJ says.
"BOOM!" Discord shouts, flipping the last number square and shutting the box!
"YEAH!" He shouts.
"That was just a fluke..." AJ mumbles. AJ and Discord go back to the main remains.
"Guess who won?" Discord asks the ponies.
"Er, you?" Fluttershy quietly answers/asks.
"Why, yes my dear! I did win! How did you know?" Discord asks.
"You danced into the room." Fluttershy answers.
"Well, darlings, I believe it's my turn to play the game with Discord." Says~~the most bearable of the mane 6~~ Rarity.
"Well then let's go in!" Discord says.
"Alright then." Rarity says.

Sunday 21:59

Remains Of Canterlot Castle

The game is set up, Discord and Rarity ready to begin.
"3... 2... 1... GO!" Sombra announces. Discord goes first and rolls the die. He flips number square 1. Rarity rolls the doe. She flips number square 3. Discord rolls the die and closes number square 2. It carry's on for a bit until...

Sunday 22:45

Remains Of Canterlot Castle

"I do believe I've won this, Discord." Says Rarity.
"What." Discord replies and then Rarity flips the last number square and shuts the box! Rarity wins! What a twist!
"Yes, I've won." Rarity says. She and Discord go back to the main remains.
"I've won." Rarity says to the whole group.
"What." The group all say in unison and then Discord dissapears.
"Well I guess it's time for the final match. Me and you, Rarity." Says Sombra ~~the one word wonder~~.
"I guess it is." She says.

Sunday 23:33

Pile Of Trash

Canterlot Castle was reduced to a pile of trash after Rarity won. Sombra didn't expect it and destroyed Canterlot entirely. There is no more Canterlot. Because of Shut The Box.
"I still need to have MY game." Fluttershy says to BillyBob.
"Alright then, I'll write in your game." Replies BillyBob the writer.
"Ponies, it's my turn." Says Fluttershy.
"Alright then darling." Rarity replies. Fluttershy sets up the game and they start.

Every reader takes a deep breath and anticipate shit to go down.

Sunday 24:01

Pile Of Trash

Fluttershy flips number square 6. Rarity flips number square 9 and shuts the box!
"Looks like you've lost, darling." Rarity says and Fluttershy looks down at the ground, kicking some of the rocks.
"Oh..." Fluttershy replies.
"Yeah, sorry dear." Rarity says.
"I feel like this chapter is very one-sided. Damn you BillyBob the writer!" She says telepathically.

That's it. Go home.

Author's Note

Yay. You're getting a bonus chapter about what happened to them all.

The Aftermath
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The Aftermath

Tuesday 07:34

?????????????

After the games, Rarity managed to become the new mayor of Ponyville... But she got possessed by the game, and became mad with power! But after a while... She was assassinated by an unknown Earth pony by the name of Anony Mous.

Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash remain dead.

Discord turned himself into an Earth pony and rid himself of his powers. His name is Anony Mous.

Fluttershy was killed by a beast that only spoke in Shuttheboxian.

Sombra was turned to stone by a Unicorn foal.

Princess Celestia was killed by a falling pineapple.

Trixie was shot on sight by Rarity's Military.

And Applejack... Nothing happened to her. She's the worst background pony and stayed that way in Sweet Apple Acres.

And me, BillyBob? Well... I'm writing this. OH DEAR GOD LORD FAGGOT'S FAGGOT ARMY IS COMING FOR ME BYEEE

THE END

Author's Note

Thanks for riding with me everybody. But now it's time to go.

Goodbye everybody!

Introducing The Contestants...
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Introducing The Contestants...

Tuesday 15:39 PM

Sugarcube Corner

Twilight starts to open the box but then a blinding light appears in front of her and the rest of the mane 6! After the light dissapears, it's revealed to be...
"Celestia?" They all exclaim in unison.
"Yes, it is I, Princess Celestia. And I am here to rid you of the ancient demon that is ~~Cthulhu~~ Shut The Box!" Celestia opens her eyes and looks down to see...
"Twilight? Pinkie Pie? Rainbow Dash? Applejack? Rarity? Fluttershy?" Celestia exclaims, completely dumbfounded.
"Demon? I only just found this in a box in my library entitled Sooper Ckret Bocks Of Dainjer, which sounds incredibly stupid." Twilight replies.
Celestia starts sweating a bit.
"You opened my secret box!? What else did you see!?" Celestia asks/demands/shouts at Twilight.
"This game, some erotic pictures of Big Mac and a banana covered in a strange white substance." Answers/Obeys To Command/Shouts Back Twilight. Rainbow Dash laughs and Celestia glares at her. She stops laughing immediately.
"Anyways, let's play a game of Shut The Box. If I win, I get the game. If anypony else wins, they get the game. Deal?" Celestia asks, no longer sweating.
"Sure, I guess." Says Twilight. Fluttershy is nowhere to be found in the building, she probably escaped during the conversation between Twilight and Princess Celestia.
"I have returned to take over the world, tell your friends! Mwahahahahahahahaha!" Screams a slightly familiar voice from outside.
"I, King Sombra, shall destroy the world!" Shouts King Sombra.
Everypony quickly runs out the door, Twilight still holding the game.
"Mwahahahahaha-- wait, is that Shut The Box?" Sombra asks when he sees Twilight levitating that in front of her.
"I propose a deal, if I win, I get the game. If anypony else wins, they get it. Deal?" Sombra asks.
"Sure, I guess." Twilight responds.
"Great!" Sombra joins the group, everybody at a loss for words, even Celestia. But then suddenly out of nowhere...
"It is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie! She has come to destroy you, Twilight Sparkle!" Shouts a voice from nowhere.
"Mwahahahahaha-- wait, is that Shut The Box?" Trixie asks.
"Trixie proposes a deal, if she wins, she gets the game. If anypony else wins, they get it. Deal?" Trixie asks.
"Sure, I guess." Twilight answers.

Author's Note

Get ready for raging and Discord temper tantrums to ensue.