Chapters Tales of a brony and a non-brony
Introductions and arrival
Introductions and arrival
Come on man just watch it!" Dave said.
"No, that's not gonna happen I am not a fucking little kid dude, and neither are you!" I replied.
"So what dude? I'm gonna watch it anyway." Dave replied.
"Yeah, well I'll just watch something else than! Wait, where's the remote control?"I asked.
"Oh, you mean this?" Dave replied, while holding the remote control.
"Give that back asshole! I am not going to watch My Little Horsie!" I said.
"It's My Little Pony, you idiot!" Dave replied.
"Well I don't care, they should have called it, hey look, we're letting adults watch our show that was intentionally meant for little girls and now my best friend is watching it as well! " I replied with a hint of sarcasm.
"Well dude I'm gonna watch it anyway." Dave said.
"Seriously how did I end up with you?" I asked.
"Well I would like to know that as well but I think we both know why and how and the fact we decided not to talk about it anymore right?" Dave replied.
"Yeah sure but do you really have to watch it, I mean you have seen all of the seasons four times now!" I shouted.
"Yep it never gets old." Dave replied casually.
"Fuck you." I replied.
"Ik hou ook van jouw schat." Dave replied.(Love you to babe in Dutch).
"Alsjeblieft god schiet me dood. I said hoping the Lord would end my torture." (Please god kill me now in Dutch).
Well I guess we'll start with the introductions,
My name is Ramses Doutzenberg and the pony loving freak is my best friend Dave Bal, we are both from the Netherlands but we moved to America together, I'm twenty six years old and Dave is twenty four years old, I am I little over six feet tall and Dave is almost six feet tall.
I have short blond hair, blue eyes and I have a scar on my face (it kind of looks like the scar Anakin Skywalker has on his eye), Dave has short black hair and has a clean face, we are both pretty muscled we have decent abs but we don’t like exaggerate about it
When we moved to America I sixteen and Dave was fourteen , I don't have any family due to some events in my past I would rather not talk about and Dave still has his dad but he hates him, but he loved his mom with all of his heart, his dad wanted him to take over his computer company while Dave wanted to start his own orphanage.
Unfortunately Dave's dad didn't like that idea and he started to yell at Dave telling him that he was a "good for nothing little prick" and that he should be happy he could step into his father’s footsteps.
I've lived with Dave since I was eight, my parents had a good relationship with Dave's mom so when they......Passed away and I was left alone.
Dave's mom took me in and treated me as her own son, Dave is like a little brother to me and whenever he got bullied in school I would stand up for him taking the hits he was supposed to receive and of course delivering some good hits as well.
The reason we moved to America was simple, we wanted to start over, a year before me and Dave moved to America Dave's mom got really sick and the doctors told us she didn't have much time, we would visit *mom* every day after school but one day when we went to visit her; her bed was empty we feared the worse and well let's just say the worse happened, mom had died but the doctor told us she left us something, he gave us a note that said:
My dear sons I know that you are sad because of my....Well my death but, you should not be sad, you should be happy, happy because I left you a little gift, a gift at The Bank that contains something of great value. I love you both my sons, we'll meet up one day but until that day comes......Live your life, forget about the past so that you may live in a better future.
Stay strong my sons and Ramses keep an eye out for Dave, we wouldn't want another toaster incident now would we?
I love you both so much,
Your mother for eternity,
Desiree Bal.
When we finished the note we were crying well Dave was crying I just didn't know what to do, I wanted to cry but I knew I had to be strong and help my little brother get over this.
So after a few more hours of crying Dave's father came to the hospital and told us everything was going to be alright, for the first time I saw a father figure in him......But that first time was also the last time.
After the funeral of mom, Dave's father started to get drunk a lot, hitting us calling us "worthless pieces' of shit" and eventually we had to call the cops on him because he broke Dave's arm and my nose, he got arrested but it did come with a cost, we were all alone and we had no job and no money, so what could we do? Then I remembered something, the little gift that mom left us.
So after a few weeks after the whole incident we finally went to The Bank and told the cashier the name of our mother and that we were her sons, of course we had to prove it so we brought our ID'S with us and after a whole lot of paper work the guy from the bank brought us to the safe our mom rented.
He opened it up and inside were four boxes two passports and another note.
We took everything out of the safe and put it in our backpacks, we thanked the Banker and we went straight home.
We opened our backpacks and took out all of the boxes and the note.
I opened the note and when I opened it a picture fell out, I picked it up and took a look at it, it was a picture of a big wooden cabin there appeared to be more pictures inside of the note, all of them showed pictures of the cabin and the inside, on the inside there was a big flat screen TV and a beautiful kitchen and many more awesome things, but it kept me thinking, Why would she want us to see these pictures?
I took a look and started to read the note, all it said was A gift for the both of you.
I then opened the first box and it contained two sets of keys, I took a good look before noticing a number written on the keys, it said 42 he that was our lucky number.
I then looked at the picture of the cabin and I saw that the house number was also 42 and then it hit me did she really meant it when she told us we were going to America one day!?
Then Dave patted me on the shoulder and when I looked I could see he was crying, but it weren't tears of sadness no it were tears of joy, he opened one box and it contained twenty five thousand euros!
The other boxes both contained fourth thousand euros, damn had she won the lottery!? Quite frankly we didn't care we were just happy we got some money ( I got a job by the way I was working at our local M.C. Donald's, yeah I know but I had to make some money right!?) but the letter also told us to not spend the money but to wait until we went on our journey, whatever that was supposed to mean.
He then told me that he also read a note that said that mom knew some people in America that wanted her to come and live in America with them (apparently mom lived in the US before she met Dave's father, when mom passed away she told the doctor to send a message to her friends in the U.S.A to pick us up at our house.
At first we didn't quite understand but after two days our doorbell rang and when we opened the door we saw two men, they were your typical Rednecks and I for one think Rednecks are pretty badass, they told us to "get our goddamn stuff and move our asses" because we were moving to the U.S.A.
With that said we literally jumped through our roof and we got all the things we needed, I got my laptop, my real father's dog-tags and some other things. When we were both finished we got out of our house and left a note on the door telling everyone we were gone for good.
I know it was illegal to sneak out of your country and go and live in another but the two Rednecks ( Whose names were Duck and Billy he funny names) told us they had everything covered. So we drove to Schiphol airport and took the first flight to America, we were going to the U.S.A MOTHERFUCKERS!
After a long flight and some introductions we got to know as to how mom got this all covered, Billy and Duck told us that mom planned this a long time ago and that she was saving up all her money to help us make our dream come true (if you didn't get the clue our dream was to live, work, start a family and eventually die in America, I know it sounds strange but it was our dream ever since we were young, we wanted to leave The Netherlands we wanted to get away from it all, we just wanted to.......Start over.
I had a lot to think about, 'Is this really happening?', 'Did mom wanted this all along?', so many questions but no answers,
After we landed we got in Ducks truck, Duck and Billy drove us to our new home in Brattleboro, Vermont.
It was a nice place, it was quiet, peaceful and there was a lot of nature, I could defiantly get used to this .
When we arrived we were astonished, the cabin was even more beautiful in real life, we then took the key in both of our hands and put it in the lock, we turned the key and we heard a satisfying *click* the door opened and it revealed a heaven on Earth, the cabin was gorgeous it was huge, it had a beautiful kitchen a huge living room and two bedrooms, a bathroom and a shelter, we also had a small barn which contained a SUV yes you heard me right an SU.FUCKING.V, I looked at Duck and Billy and they said "A welcome to the family gift partner".
Oh yeah that's right did you know that they saw us as family, like their new nephews, it was amazing we gave them a big men hug and they told us if we ever needed any help we could always call them, oh yeah and they also offered the both of us a job to work at their farm which was much better than working at M.C. Donald's.
We quickly accepted and after a week or two we were already "Working our asses off" as Billy would say.
We quickly got accepted in the Jackson family and for all our hard work and help at the barn they paid us a 200$ a month and we still had our moms money which was about 130.000$ or so, so yeah we were pretty good on money.
We would still talk Dutch sometimes when we were together but when were with the others we would talk English, we were always good in English so talking and writing was no problem at all and up to this moment our life has been peaceful......Until it happened.
Dave just had to discover the show My Little Pony, I first thought he was joking when he said he liked the show until he decided to buy all four season ALL FOUR FUCKING SEASONS! and watch them, he even told me to watch it, I watched the first two episodes and after that I just walked outside of the living room and I told him "ik ga mezelf nu van kant maken ok" (I'm going to kill myself right know ok).
He just replied with "ok meer ruimte voor mij en m'n spullen" (ok more room for me and my stuff).
I gave himself the finger and walked through the forest to get some fresh air and to get away from the annoying show, a show that would haunt me till the day I die.
Present day........
The days just went on and on, Dave was Just now calling himself a Brony or something and me still listening to the same theme song every fucking day:
My Little Pony, My Little Pony ahahahahaaaa,
My Little Pony "Shut up" I used to wonder what friendship could be "I used to wonder if my ears could bleed. "My Little Pony, until you all shared it's magic with me "Until you unleashed Hell upon me."
"Dude shut up!" Shouted Dave.
"Fuck you asshole, stop fucking watching that dumb show." I replied.
"It's not dumb klootzak." Dave replied. (Klootzak means Asshole)
"Yes it is you kut." ( kut is another word for fuck, literally translated it means pussy but we Dutch people use it as the term for fuck).
"Ja ja ja hou je bek en ga wat lopen ofzo." ( Yeah yeah yeah just shut up and go and walk or something) Dave replied.
"Oh no asshole you're coming with me." I said while turning the TV of.
"Dude what the fuck I was watching that! " Dave shouted.
"Yeah for the fifth time, now come on we're going for a walk." I said.
"What why?" Dave whined.
"Because it's Saturday night and you've been sitting in that exact same spot for over eight hours now that’s why." I replied.
"Hell no bitch I ain't going for a walk its getting dark; wait correction it is dark." Dave replied.
"You know what!? Let's go camping then, no let's go spend a night in the forest, no tents, no luxury, just the two of us and of course these six babies. " I said while pointing to the weapons Billy and Duck gave us, I know what you're thinking, why the fuck would they give a sixteen year old and a fourteen year old weapons, well they didn't when Dave turned twenty one and I was twenty three at the time we got our gun license.
Dave basically wanted any gun he could get his hands on, so eventually after waiting a long time we got our gun license and with the help of Duck and Billy we got six awesome guns an M16A1 (god I love old school), a M16A4, a AR15, a Semi-automatic Remington 870 and two M1911.
I don't know how Duck and Billy were able to get us these weapons, they gave them to us on Christmas Eve! Fucking Christmas Eve, merry fucking Christmas bitches!
"Wait wait wait wait! I like the whole camping idea but bringing all of the guns with us? Is that really a good idea? Think about all the ammunition." Dave replied.
"I've got it all covered let's just take all the ammo and all the guns and let's go camping!" I said.
"There's no way I'm gonna be able to talk you out of this am I?" Dave asked.
"Nope." I replied with a smug grin.
"Aaaaahhhhhh fine let's go then." Dave replied while muttering about how he was gonna kill me.
"Good luck with that cause you'll be carrying the side-arms and ammunition! " I replied.
"Klootzak! " (Asshole!)
"Love you to buddy! " I replied.
We had a shit ton of ammo, sometimes we would shoot our guns with Billy and Duck; they would always say "We ain't goin to some goddamn shooting range that's fer pussy's, real men shoot guns in the open wild!" so we shot our guns in the wild, but we didn't shoot a lot so we had a shit load of ammo.
We had 20; 25 round ammo clips for our M16A1 (the Ammo type 5.56x45mm),
20; 25 round ammo clips for our M16A4(Ammo type 5.56x45mm),
25; 30 round STANAG ammo clips for our AR15(Ammo type 223 nato)
200 yes 200 fucking shells for our Remington 870 (4 inch shells)
And 40 clips for our M1911's. ( 7 bullets in one clip, Ammo type 11.43mm)
So yeah we were pretty well armed would a wild bear try to attack us, I was the only one who could use the Remington, AR15 and M16A4, Dave was not the best with those, the setback of the weapons was just a little too much, but I told him that he would eventually be able to “play with the big boys" as I would state it.
"Yo dude I'm gonna need some luxury though, I'll bring our laptops, phones and some other things okay. "Dave shouted from upstairs.
"Fine then", 'well no going all wild for us tonight.’ I thought.
After a few minutes we were finished, I carried half of our ammunition, the Remington, M16A, M16A4 and the AR15. Damn this was a lot of weight but luckily for me working at the barn has given me a strong back and when we lived in the Netherlands I went to the gym almost every day, so the weight wasn't much trouble.
Dave (after a lot of complaining) decided to join me to the gym, he was strong but I was just a tad bit stronger, I didn't mind the weight it felt like another exercise for me, when we moved to Brattleboro we would still exercise but we didn't visit any gyms, Dave didn't exercise everyday like I did, so when I told him he was going to be carrying the ammo he started bitching a lot.
"Dude why did we have to bring so much with us?" Dave whined annoyed.
That was the twentieth time he had asked that and I would always reply with the same answer.
"Because I never go out without my trusty guns and you were the one who wanted to bring our laptops, phones and all that fucking candy!" I replied.
Yeah that's right, I said that same line for over twenty times now.
"Don't you dare talk shit about Skittles, if you say one bad thing about Skittles I'll shove this Mars" he said while pointing to the Mars he was eating. "Right up your ass!" Dave replied.
I looked at Dave before saying a very common line we used back in the Netherlands.
"Don't you dare say it." Dave demanded.
"Ha gaaaaaaaay!" I replied.
"Oh hahahaha very funny klootzak, yeah real mature!" Dave said.
"Hey you asked for it." I replied.
"Yeah whatever, how long is it until we reach the camping spot?" Dave asked.
"Not far, we're almost there." I replied.
A half hour later......
"You stupid dumbfuck we're lost aren't we?" Dave asked annoyed.
"No we're not lost we simply cannot find the way to our destination." I replied.
"So we're lost." Dave replied casually.
"No shit Sherlock." I replied with a hint of sarcasm.
"Yes my dear Watson solving mystery’s is like elementary to me my dear friend." Dave replied with a thick English accent.
"Well then Holmes explain." I replied with a thick English accent.
"Well the idiot Ramses thought it would be a good idea to go camping while his handsome best friend Dave wanted to watch the most magnificent show ever made, thus leading to the situation that they are now currently lost in a bloody fucking forest in the middle of nowhere!" Dave replied dropping his English accent and replacing it with his normal voice.
"Holmes chill out man, or else you'll die alone with no friends, except that needle in your arm." I replied using my very low Batman voice.
"What are you talking about?" Dave asked.
"ERB?" I replied.
"Ahhh right, Sherlock Holmes vs. Batman right?" Dave asked.
"Ding ding ding ding, we've got a winner!" I replied.
"Oh goody what have I won!?" Dave asked enthusiastically.
"You've won a trip to space!" I replied.
"Really!?" Asked Dave.
"Nope." I replied.
"Ahwww, but I want to go to space so I can meet aliens." Dave replied.
"Yeah but I don't think the aliens want to meet you." I replied.
"Why not?" Dave asked.
"Well, let's just say you don't make good first impressions." I replied.
Flashback.............
It was a normal day on our high school, the sun was shining, the birds were cheerping and-- "COME ON DUDE WE'RE GONNA BE LATE AGAIN!" I shouted while running through the school halls.
"WELL EXCUUUUUUSEE ME FOR TRYING TO LOOK AS HANDSOME AS POSSIBLE! YOU KNOW A FACE LIKE THIS NEEDS A LOT OF TIME AND CARING!" Dave shouted back.
Yep this was just a normal day for us.
We slowed down to catch our breath and we decided just to walk to class, I mean we were already late so a few minutes more wouldn't matter right?
"Dude do you honestly think that people give a fuck about how you look!?" I asked.
"I don't care what others think of ma beauty I know I'm a pretty guuuurrlll." Dave replied.
"What?" I asked.
"A dollah makes me holla Hony Boo Boo child." Dave replied.
"Have you been watching that crap again?" I asked.
"Gurrll you got any Cheese Balls?" Dave replied in a thick Southern accent.
"I'll take that as a yes." I replied.
"Hey what are you two kids doing out here? You know that class started ten minutes ago right?" Someone asked.
We turned around and we saw our janitor standing there, but this was the new janitor, I believe he started today.
"What do we do now dude? We're fucked." Dave whispered.
"I don't know man." I whispered back.
"Well what do you have to say for yourself?" The janitor asked.
"Dude let's fuck with this guy, I mean we're already in trouble so what's a little more gonna do?" Dave whispered.
I just nodded in response.
"Well good sir." Dave said with a thick English accent. "We are here to teach incoming freshmen helpful tips about high school."
"Wait, you're the two volunteers?" The janitor asked.
"Yes we are my dear friend." Dave replied.
"You seem a little young to be the volunteers; that are going to teach those kids about sexual intercourse." The janitor said
"Well from the looks lf it, you could use some sexual intercourse as well, I mean just look at you, you old fart." Dave replied.
"What did you say!?" The now angry janitor asked.
"You're mother sucks cock in hell!" Dave replied.
"Dude what the fuck are you doing!?" I shouted.
"Ok that's, it you two are going to the principle!" The janitor demanded.
"And you can just suck my schlong!" Dave replied.
"Why you little brat!" And with that said, the janitor grabbed us by or coats and dragged us through the hallway with Dave constantly screaming "HELP HE'S GONNA SHOW US HIS HOGWARDS!"
End of flashback.......
"Why do you think I make bad first impressions?" Dave asked.
"Well let's just say my neck still hurts a little." I replied.
"Huh?" Dave said confused.
"Never mind, let's just try and find our way back to the cabin." I said.
"Told you camping sucks." Dave said mockingly.
"Yeah yeah just rub it in." I replied.
After the whole talk we started to search for home, but it wasn't working out for us well.
"Dude I hate you so much." Dave said.
"Would you shut up and keep looking on the map." I replied.
"This map is even older than Granny Jackson and that's something." Dave replied.
Yep we were so fucked.
"Wait dude I think I see light over there." Dave said while pointing to a fade light.
"Huh that's strange, I don't remember leaving the lights on do you?" I asked.
"Nope pretty sure I turned it off." Dave replied.
"Well let's check it out." I said.
"Wait what if it are aliens?" Dave's asked.
"If it are indeed aliens then let me do the talking." I replied.
"Yeah yeah but if that doesn't work I'll just shoot my way out." Dave said determined he would be able to take on an alien. "
"Yeah right, come on let's go." I replied
We went to take a closer look and when we did the light just became brighter and brighter.
"Dude I don't like this, let's go back." Dave said.
"No I wanna know what it is." I replied.
"Well if you say so bro." Dave replied.
We got closer and closer until the light became so bright we couldn't see a thing and the next thing we know we blacked out.
The last thing I heard Dave scream was "kuuuuuuuuut" (Fuuuuuuuuck).
The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that my head felt like it was hit with a baseball bat, I got of the ground and opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the sun but it looked different almost cartoonish, I simply decided to shrug it off.
I looked around and I saw Dave laying on the ground, I quickly rushed over to him and checked his pulse 'phew he's still breathing' I thought.
"Yo get your lazy ass up." I said.
"No mom don't give me the spoon, you know Dave doesn't like the spoon." He mumbled.
*sigh* "Oh my god Dave you’re missing the season 5 premier of My Little Pony! "I shouted.
"Noooooooo, please Ramses set the TV on record and.. Oh real funny asshole." Dave said while giving me a nasty glare.
"Well look who's up. Slept well Beauty?" I asked.
"Yeah I did Beast." Dave replied.
Dave than looked around and asked me, "What happened dude? All I remember is that bright light and then everything went black."
"Yeah I think we passed out or something." I replied.
"Uhhh dude?" Dave asked.
"What is it?" I replied.
"What the fuck is that thing behind you?" Dave asked.
"What do you mean with..........Oh shiiiiiiiiiiit."
*ROAR!*
I don't know what that thing was but it was big and really weird, it appeared to be a lion but it had a scorpion tail and wings, we were so fucked.
"M-M-M-MANTICORE!" Dave shouted.
"Mint what now?" I asked.
"It's a Manticore, dude look out it's dangerous!" Dave shouted.
"Really I didn't notice."I replied.
"Here kitty kitty come on kitty yes who's a good bwoy wyes whyou whyou awe OH SHIT!" I was cut off by the Manticore trying to hit me with one of its claws.
"Alright time to put this overgrown dog thing down!" I said.
"Dave throw me the AR15!" I said. Our weapons were also scatter on the ground but luckily the AR15 was near Dave.
"Alright dude just hang on and don't get to over confident!" Dave replied.
"Yeah yeah just AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
I couldn't even finish my sentence because that thing strike me with one of its claws, I was sent flying. I was stopped by a tree and I think I heard a loud *CRACK*. I just hope it was the tree and not my back.
I could see Dave trying to get the safety off but he had never shot the AR15 before so it took him to long, the Manticore was already making his way over to Dave, saliva dripping out of its mouth.
No that's not gonna happen, I vowed to protect Dave no matter the costs; even if that meant giving up my own life, I was not going to lose the last thing I had as a family.
My once white blouse was now torn apart and I had three cuts on my chest, the cuts weren't deep but it was still bleeding oh and my back hurt like hell, but then the adrenaline kicked in and I couldn't feel any pain, the only thing I felt was determination, I was not going to lose Dave, I was not going to lose my little brother.
I quickly ran over to the beast and tackled it to the ground, I got up and grabbed the AR15 and switched the safety of.
"Jij zal Dave geen pijn doen!" (You will not hurt Dave)! I shouted.
*click* *ratatatatatatatatatatat* *thud* *final breath*
Those were the things I heard when I shot an entire magazine into that thing.
After that, I passed out and the only thing I saw was Dave running towards me.
Dave's point of view.........
I watched in awe when Ramses saved my ass back there, but when he collapsed to the ground I feared the worst, I quickly ran over to him but it looked like he was going to live.
He had three cuts on his chest and he lost consciousness, luckily for him I packed an first-aid kit in my backpack, I quickly ran over to my backpack and got out some bandages and a bottle of alcohol, I poured some of the alcohol on one of the bandages and started cleaning the cuts, 'damn lucky son of a bitch' I thought.
It took me a few more minutes to get him patched up, after that I tried to lift him up but I wasn't as strong as he was, so I had to use the Rauteck method to drag him to a nearby tree, I put him down and used my backpack as a pillow to give his head some support.
After I was sure he was ok I started to collect all of our stuff, our backpacks, weapons, everything was still with us.
"Thank god for that." I said.
After the whole thing I opened my backpack and took out some Skittles.
"Goddamn I love me some Skittles." I said
While I was eating and ignoring the sight of the dead Manticore it set me thinking.
'How the fuck did a Manticore end up in Brattleboro?’
Tales of a brony and a non-brony
I awoke with a sharp pain on my chest.
The only thing I remember is that I got attacked by a wild animal and that it got a good hit on me.
I felt something heavy on my lap, I looked down and I saw Dave resting his head on my lap, he was literally inches away from my schlong, so yeah it was an awkward position.
'What the fuck man?' I thought.
"Pssst Dave wake up." No response.
"Dave wake the fuck up." Stills no response.
*sigh* "DAVE IF DON'T GET YOUR HEAD OFF MY LAP I WILL SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'LL BE TASTING SHIT FOR WEEKS!" I shouted.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH FUCK MY EARS!" Dave screamed.
Dave jumped back in response but he accidentally bumped his head on my lower jaw.
"AHH FUCK!" I shouted.
"Huh what the.....RAMSES YOU'RE OK! " Dave exclaimed happily.
He hugged me, I only hissed in response.
"Aaah dude let me go, ah my fucking chest it feels like I've been hit by Mike Tyson.........Twice." I said.
"You did never beat that game." Dave replied while breaking the hug.
"I almost did until I had to face-off against Tyson." I replied.
"Yep and then your controller started dating the TV." Dave replied.
"You can say that again." I replied.
"Yep and then your controller started dating the TV." Dave replied with a grin.
"Haha very funny, but seriously what happened to me?" I asked genuinely confused.
"Well you were going all Rambo on that Manticore but it didn't turn out so well and the result is on your chest." Dave explained.
Well it wasn't much of an explanation but I've been with Dave for so long, heh even when he's talking shit I still know what he's talking about.
"So I fucked up? " I asked.
"Let's just say my distraction prevented the Manticore to do his fatality on you." Dave replied.
"With distraction do you mean the girly screams you made? " I asked.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Dave replied assuming I didn't hear his cries for help.
"HELP ME RAMSES IT'S GONNA EAT MEEEEE! " I said in a high pitched voice.
"Well at least I didn't get my ass kicked by a fucking Manticore......Wait do Manticores even live in Brattleboro? I thought they were myths or something. " Dave said.
"Well you're the expert on these kind of things, so please explain. " I said.
"Well dude I'm not an expert, its true I know one or two things about Earth's myths but I only knew this was a Manticore because it looked the same as the ones that appeared in My Little Pony. " Dave replied.
"Why is it that almost every conversation we have ends up with you talking about that fucking little girl show. " I replied.
"Hey it's not a little girls show! Many adult men and woman watch the show! " Dave replied.
"And you're an adult men I presume? " I asked.
"Well of course I am. " Dave replied.
"Oh that's strange because the last time I checked you were screaming like a girl, are you sure you don't have a vagina? " I asked.
"Do you wanna keep your nuts or shall I feed them to the squirrels? " Dave asked.
"Wow wow easy there Brenda is it that time of the month already? " I asked mockingly.
"Why you little fucking......Wait before I start kicking the shit out of you I just want to know something. " Dave said.
"What do you want to know Daisy? " I asked.
"How are you feeling man? " Dave asked genuinely concerned about me.
"Well my chest hurts like hell and my back is ok I guess, but how are you? " I asked.
"I'm fine, just a little shocked about the whole myth attacking my best friend and almost killing him thing. " Dave replied.
"Well he was gonna hurt you and I vowed to never let anyone hurt you ever again. " I replied.
Dave and I looked in each other’s eyes, this was a real brotherly moment......Until Dave had to spoil it.
"If you keep looking at me like that you'll lose consciousness again, because of my beauty you know." Dave said.
"Way to ruin a brotherly moment. " I replied.
"Hey my mom always taught me to tell the truth. " Dave replied.
"I don't think she wanted you to brag about how beautiful you look. " I replied.
"You jelly? " Dave asked.
"Jealous of what? " I asked sarcastically.
"Lul. " (Dick.)
"Klootzak. " (Asshole.)
"Can you walk? " Dave asked.
"Yeah I think I can. " I replied.
I tried to get up only to fall back against the tree.
"*Oompf* Heheh ehm I think I might need some help. " I said awkwardly.
"Here let me help you up. " Dave said while putting his arm around my waste and my arm around his back.
"Wait what about our stuff? " I asked.
"Let's leave it. " Dave suggested.
"No that's too dangerous, what if the wrong person finds it, then what? " I asked.
"Aaaaaah fine! " Dave replied annoyed at my stubbornness.
"Alright I'll carry the guns, you'll carry the laptops and half of the ammunition, your back can take that right? " Dave asked.
"Yeah I think so, but if I get tired we'll just stop and rest for a few minutes ok? " I suggested.
"Yeah sure. " Dave replied.
After a whole lot of Dutch swearing and painful moments (for me at least) while trying to get everything in our backpacks we started to look for the nearest road, or at least some kind of civilization.
Dave carried all of the heavy weapons as well as half of the ammunition, luckily for him when we lived in the Netherlands I always encouraged him to join me at the gym, Dave accepted my offer and we had been visiting the gym almost every day, that's why we had no trouble carrying all of this, I was stronger than Dave but Dave was not weak, he could stand his ground whenever he got into a fight.......Well that was after elementary school.
"Hey dude have you noticed this place looks kind of off? " I asked.
"Yeah it almost seems a little......Cartoonish. " Dave replied also confused with all of the bright
colors.
After twenty minutes of walking we decided to take a break.
"Hey man stay here, I'll go look if I can climb into a tree or something, you know to get a better view. " Dave said.
"Alright, just don't fall out of the tree. " I replied.
"Don't worry dude I've got this. " Dave replied.
Five minutes later..........
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIT! " I heard Dave scream in the distance.
I carefully got up and started walking towards the spot I heard Dave scream.
'I told him to be careful.' I thought.
When I arrived I saw Dave lying face-down on the ground, broken branches all around him.
"Are you ok? " I asked.
"Oooh my English tea-bags. " Dave replied.
"Yep you're fine. " I replied casually.
Dave tried to get up but said he just "Wanted to lay down for a sec.".
I just chuckled and told him to get "Get his ass up.", he simply gave me the finger and got up.
"Hey dude I think I saw a cabin just a few miles from here. " Dave said.
"Really and are you sure you didn't just imagined it? " I asked.
"No dude I'm sure of it, now come on and let's get our stuff. " Dave replied.
I nodded in response and we walked back to get our stuff, we arrived, got all our stuff and stared heading towards the cabin that Dave apparently saw from miles away.
"Yo dude I have to ask you something. " I said.
"What is it? " Dave asked.
"I've noticed your breath smells like candy, how many Skittles have you been eating? " I asked.
"Twenty. " Dave replied casually.
"Twenty Skittles? " I asked.
"No twenty packs. " Dave replied.
"Dude are you serious!? " I asked.
"Diabetes for the win! " Dave replied.
I just looked at him and shook my head.
"Te ver? " (To much) Dave asked.
"Veel te ver. " ( Way to much) I replied.
"Alright I'm sorry for saying that about diabetes, may the Lord strike me down with all of his might may I ever say something so foul again. " Dave shouted dramatically.
He looked around and let out a small *phew*.
"How much further is it to that cabin you saw? " I asked.
"Not much further, I think we're almost----There it is! " Dave replied enthusiastically.
"Wait! " I shouted.
"What? " Dave asked.
"Let's go together and let me do the talking, I still can't walk very fast so just support me until we reach the cabin. " I replied.
"Ok ok, now let's go! " Dave replied.
We walked to the cabin.........Well it kind of looked like a cottage, hey I don't judge.
"This looks familiar. " Dave said.
"What do you mean? " I asked.
"I don't know, it's like I've seen this cabin before. " Dave's replied.
"It's probably nothing. " I replied.
Dave nodded and finally we arrived at the cottage.
*Knock Knock*
"Coming! " A feminine voice said.
"Whoa dude that girls voice reminds me a lot of a ponies voice from MLP. " Dave said.
"Really who's. " I asked with a hint of sarcasm.
"FLUTTE------HOLY SHIT! " Dave shouted.
"Dude why are you.......JESUS MALIESUS! " I shouted.
When the door opened we weren't greeted with a nice woman, no in front of us was a cream colored horse with wings and a pink mane!?
She looked at us in horror before letting out a small *eep*, she closed the door and we could hear a *click*, meaning that she probably locked the door.
Dave and I just stood there, our brains still processing what had just occurred, that was until Dave broke the silence.
"D-D-D-Dude, do you know who that was? " He asked.
"N-No, I don't. " I replied still processing the entire thing.
"That w-was F-Fluttershy. " Dave replied.
"Flutterwhonow? " I asked.
"She's one of the main characters from My Little Pony. " Dave replied.
I looked at him before bursting out in laughter.
"Hahahaha, I-I seriously thought you just said My Little Pony hahahaha good one dude, listen the Manticore thing I can believe but a pony from a little girls show no way! " I replied.
"Dude that Manticore was real so why would she not be real, do you honestly think this is a joke or something!? " Dave asked.
He was right about the Manticore thing, it did attack me, at first I thought Dave was joking about the whole pony thing, but now I saw that he was dead serious.
"If that's really one of the main characters from My Little Pony then does that mean that we are in *gulp*..........My Little Pony? " I asked.
"I-I think so man. " Dave replied.
"Oh shit shit shit shiiiiiiiiiiit! " I shouted.
Dude what’s wrong!? Dave asked.
"What's wrong!? What’s wrong!? We're stuck in a TV show, a TV show I hate with a passion! That's what's wrong! " I shouted back.
"Dude I know you're angry but calm down, Fluttershy gets scared really easily, so just calm down, we need to know where we are and how we are going to get back home, Fluttershy is one of the main characters so if we are nice to her she might consider helping us. " Dave explained.
"You are awfully calm about this whole situation. " I replied.
"I don't know, for all I know this is all a dream, ha! I bet if I close my eyes I'll just wake up in the cabin, I probably fell asleep while watching MLP, you know how they say that noises and sudden movements have influence on your dreams. " Dave said.
Dave closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.
"Well maybe this isn't a dream. " Dave said.
"Yeah right, well you're the one who knows how to handle this situation so go ahead. " I said while pointing at the door.
"I think you should do it, you did say that I don't make good first impressions. " Dave replied.
*sigh* " Ik haat mijn leven. " (I hate my life.)
*Knock Knock*
"Hello miss we're not her to hurt you, we are lost and we need some help. I said trying to use my most " calming voice.
"P-Please g-go a-away. " She pleaded.
"Please miss I promise we won't hurt you, you see me and my friend were attacked by a wild animal, I got hurt pretty bad but my friend patched me up. " I repled.
I heard a *click*, the door opened and revealed the same pony standing in the doorway, legs shaking.
'Poor thing must be scared to death' I thought.
"Y-You were attacked by a w-wild a-animal? " She asked.
"Yes we were, but we're alright so there's no need to worry, mind if we come in? " I asked.
I'll admit I was rushing it a little bit, but hell I wanted to get home as quickly as possible, so quite frankly, I didn't care.
"N-No o-of course not, please come i-in. " She replied.
I nodded and walked inside, I had to bend down a little because I was too long to fit in the doorway, Dave was of course to stupid to see it and he bumped his head.
"AAH SON OF A FUCK! " Dave shouted.
I heard a small *eep* I looked down and I saw Fluttershy crawled behind me hiding behind her mane.
"Dave! " I whispered.
"What!? That fucking hurt! " He whispered back.
"You're scaring her. " I whispered.
He looked at me before I looked down, he looked down as well and his eyes widened.
"Oh shit I didn't mean to scare you miss. " Dave said in a calm tone.
"Just close the door man. " I said.
I turned around and bend over to meet her on eye-level.
She let out a *squeek* and started to move backwards.
"Hey it's alright we're not gonna hurt you, just come here. " I said still using my calm voice.
I held out my hand as a sign of peace, she looked at my hand curiously before sniffing it a few times, she didn't take the hint but whatever.
"Now let's start with names. " I said trying to start a conversation.
"Yeah, my name is Dave Bal, I'm twenty four years old and I love Skittles! " Dave said.
"Yeah right, anyway my name is Ramses Doutzenberg, I'm twenty six years old and I love to exercise." I said.
"My introduction was better. " Dave said.
"Whatever dude, now what's your name? " I asked, I already knew her name and so did Dave, I just hope Dave doesn't fuck things up now.
"M-My n-name i-is F-Fluttershy. " Fluttershy replied.
"Hey there's no need to stutter, you don't have to be afraid of us. " Dave said.
"Dude you don't say that to someone you've met just two minutes ago. " I said.
"I’m sorry man but stuttering annoys the fuck of me. " Dave replied.
"I-I’m s-sorry i-if I’m a-annoying you, I just g-get s-scared r-really e-easily. " Fluttershy apologized.
"No its ok, Dave can just be a total asshole from time to time. " I replied.
"O-Oh o-okay, i-if y-you d-don’t m-mind m-me asking, c-could y-you tell m-me w-what y-you a-are?…..If that’s ok with you of course." Fluttershy asked.
"You mean what we are or who we are? " I asked.
"What kind of s-species you are. " Fluttershy replied.
"Well our species is known as Homo-sapiens or Humans. " I replied.
"Hoomans? " Fluttershy asked.
"From what part of Equestria are Humans from? I can’t say I’ve ever heard of your species. " Fluttershy said.
"Well we Humans are not from Equestria but we are from Earth. " I replied.
‘Why was I being so nice to her and why was I telling her all this?’ I thought.
"Y-You’re not f-from E-Equestria? But that means that you a-a-are a-a-alien. " Fluttershy said terrified.
"Please don’t scream, please don’t scream, please don’t scream. Please don’t.--- AAAAAAAAAAAAH! ALIENS! " Fluttershy cut me off.
With that said she fainted.
"Fucking great! " Dave said sarcastically.
"Dude we need to get out of here now! " I said.
"Dude we can’t do that! I mean she was nice enough to let us in her house! " Dave replied.
"Well we were the ones that made her faint! " I replied.
"Well I'm not going anywhere until she wakes up! " Dave replied sternly.
''
Why do you even care about her!? I asked.
"Well she is kind of one of my favorite ponies. " Dave replied.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me. " I replied.
"Nope she's really one of my favorites. " Dave replied.
"Oookaaaaay. " I replied.
"Well we better put her on that couch or something. " Dave suggested.
"Well you pick her up then. " I replied.
"No you pick her up! " Dave replied.
"Why don't you do it? She's your favorite. " I replied.
"One of my favorites! " Dave replied.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought you would be overjoyed with all of this, are you not? " I asked.
"Well I am kind of overjoyed but it's just that it would be kind of strange for me to well.......Touch one of them. " Dave replied awkwardly.
"You are really something you know that ? " I asked.
"Well I am Dave so doesn't that explain enough? " Dave asked.
"I guess it does. " I replied
I walked over to Fluttershy and gently picked her up.
‘Wow she's surprisingly light.’ I thought.
I suddenly felt something tugging my leg, I looked down and I saw a........Rabbit?
‘What the fuck?’ I thought.
"Dude why did you......Oh look it's Angel bunny. " Dave said.
"Angel bunny? " I asked.
"If you would have paid attention to the stories I told you about My Little Pony you would have known that Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness and that she takes care of the animals that live with her or come to her of they are hurt or hungry. That rabbit is her pet bunny Angel. " Dave replied.
"So she's some kind of vet? " I asked.
"Kind of. " Dave replied.
"Ok, hey little buddy how ya doin? " I asked while putting Fluttershy on the couch and bending over to pet Angel.
"Dude I wouldn't do that if I were you. " Dave said casually.
"Come on man it's just a rabbit, it's not like he's wild. " I replied.
"Whatever dude but don't say I didn't warn you. " Dave replied.
"Yeah yeah whatever. " I replied.
"Alright buddy I'm not gonna hurt you. " I said while holding out my hand.
Angel sniffed it a few times before moving closer.
"And here comes the bite. " Dave said.
Instead of biting me, Angel hopped on my hand lay down in my palm.
"Excuse me but what was it you said again? " Something about a bite ? I asked mockingly.
"Why you little. " Dave replied.
"Easy there Homer. " I said while scratching Angel behind his ear.
"What do we do now? " Dave asked.
"We wait until she wakes up and hope she doesn't faint again. " I replied.
"That's your plan? " Dave asked
"In a nutshell yes. " I replied.
"This is not one of your don't worry I got this and this is never gonna go wrong plans right ? " Dave asked.
"No dude this is one of my I'm the smartest of us two so why won't you shut the fuck up plans . " I replied.
"Aaah I get it this is one of your I'm going to be an asshole again plans . " Dave replied.
"Well.......You're face is stupid! " I replied.
"Wow, BEST.INSULTION.EVER. " Dave replied sarcastically.
"Fuck you. " I replied.
"Well I guess we'll wait untill she wakes up than, but I think it would be for the best not scare her. " Dave said.
"Have you seen your face there's no way she's not gonna be scared of you. " I replied.
"Well fuck you to asshole. " Dave replied.
And with that we waited......And waited and waited, did I already say that we waited? Because we did, we waited for so long at least two hours, maybe more.
"Dude it's been three hours, I'm just gonna get a bucket of water and pour it over her or something. " I said.
"Dude don't do that. You've pulled that joke on me so many times and it's no happy feeling. " Dave replied.
"Ooooh w-what happened. " We heard someone say.
"Shit dude she's waking up. " Dave said.
"No shit Sherlock. " I replied.
"A-Angel where are you.......Oh no Angel bunny! Please don't hurt him. " Fluttershy pleaded.
"Wow wow wow don't worry miss, were not here to hurt your bunny or you. " I replied..
"T-Then why a-are y-you here? " Fluttershy asked.
"We don’t know miss, please don’t faint again, we promise we won’t hurt you. " Dave said/pleaded.
"A-Alright b-but have y-you seen a white bunny? " Fluttershy asked.
"You mean this bunny? " I asked while holding out my hand.
In my hand was Angel, the supposedly dangerous biting bunny ( according to Dave) sleeping in my hand.
"O-Oh my, Angel bunny has never done that with strangers, normally he is very stubborn but he never would have done so if he didn’t trust you, so I g-guess I can trust you as well. " Fluttershy said.
"Great! " I replied.
"But if I may ask, What are you again. I seem to have forgotten. " Fluttershy asked sheepishly.
"Well as I said before our species is called Humans. " I replied.
"Hoomans? " Fluttershy asked.
'Close enough.' I thought.
"Yes and what kind of species are you? " I asked.
I heard a *slap* and when I turned my head I saw Dave face-palming.
"Can’t you see she’s a pony? " Dave asked
Wow Dave already fucked up our whole scheme.
"Y-Yes I-I a-am a p-pony, how d-did y-you know. " Fluttershy asked.
"Lucky guess? " Dave replied.
‘Real smooth idiot.’ I thought.
"Well ehm what was your name again? " I asked.
"Fluttershy. " She replied.
"Fluttershy’s right, is it ok if I ask you some questions? " I asked.
"Y-Yes o-of c-course. " Fluttershy replied.
"Wait I think I should ask the questions. " Dave intertwined.
I got up and walked over to Dave.
"Didn’t I just say that like two hours ago that I should do the talking? " I asked.
"Well yeah but I’ve read enough Fan fictions to know what questions to ask. " Dave replied.
"Wait aren’t Fan fictions those story’s fans make about their favorite TV show or game? " I asked.
"Well…..yes. How did you know? " Dave asked.
"Well a few weeks ago my laptop ran out of power so I used yours, after doing the things I needed to, curiosity got the better of me and I started going to your history……Let’s just say the things I found were…..Disturbing. " I replied.
"W-What did you find? " Dave asked.
"Does the term clop remind you of something? " I asked.
Dave looked at me with a shocked expression.
"Dude I swear I-It was a miss click! " Dave replied.
"You sure about that, because the next day we were missing a lot of toilet paper. " I replied.
"I caught a cold! " Dave replied.
"You mean Dave junior caught a cold. " I replied mockingly.
"Fuck you. " Dave replied.
"U-Uhm e-excuse m-me? " Fluttershy asked.
"Yes what is it? " I replied.
"W-What’s a l-laptop? " Fluttershy asked.
"Shit, she probably heard the entire conversation, I was glad she didn’t asked me what a fan fiction was. " I thought.
"Yo Dave can you give me my laptop? " I asked.
"Sure hold on a sec. " Dave replied.
"Uhmm Fluttershy I don’t want to be a burden but do you mind if I sit down for a sec? My chest really hurts and my feet are kind of sore. " I asked.
"Feet? " Fluttershy replied.
"Well do you see this thing? " I asked while holding my right hand out.
She nodded in response.
"These I said while holding my hand out are called hands and those little appendages attached to it are called fingers, you see we humans have hands and feet, we walk on our feet and we use our hands to write, grab things and many more, but from all the walking my feet are kind of sore so do you mind if I sit down? " I asked.
"Oh you poor thing well of course you can sit down here just make yourself comfortable and sit on the couch. " Fluttershy replied.
I have to say, she really warmed up to us, one moment she was scared shitless and the other moment she offers me to sit on her couch ‘Heh maybe these ponies aren’t as bad as I thought.’
I walked to wards the couch, Fluttershy being right behind me, she was eyeing me very curiously ‘She probably wants to bombard me with questions’ I thought.
I sat down on the couch and I could hear some *cracks*, at first I thought the couch would break but it was actually pretty strong, Fluttershy ( to my surprise) sat down beside me and kept looking at me with a curious glare.
"Ehm is there something you want to ask? " I asked.
"Well yes as a matter of fact there is. " She replied.
"Well ask away. " I replied.
"You said that your chest hurts, why does it hurt? " She asked.
"Well I was attacked by a animal back in the forest. " I replied.
She looked at me with a shocked expression on her face.
"Y-You were in the Evertree Forest!? " She asked.
‘The Evertree Forest? I am defiantly not in Brattleboro anymore.’ I thought.
"Well yes I was in the Evertree Forest…..Is that a bad thing? " I asked.
"Well of course it is, oh you poor thing here let me check if you’re alright. " Fluttershy replied while moving, putting her frond legs on my legs.
‘Ok this is starting to get weird.’ I thought.
"No don’t worry I’m fine, just three cuts on my chest but don’t worry Dave already took care of the wounds. " I replied.
"I heard my name dude what’s……DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!? " Dave shouted.
I looked towards Dave and then I saw the awkward position me and Fluttershy were in.
"I-It’s not what it looks like! " I quickly replied.
"Well from the looks of it you were about to have a clop with Fluttershy! " Dave replied.
Fluttershy looked at Dave in confusion before noticing the awkward position we were in, she blushed furiously before pulling her hoofs away from my legs and moving of the couch.
"O-Oh m-my I-I’m s-so s-sorry, I-I j-just t-thought y-you w-were hurt a-and I-I---. "
"Fluttershy its ok, you didn’t do anything wrong. " I cut her off.
"O-Ok, b-but what exactly attacked you? " She asked.
"Dave what did you call that thing again? " I asked.
"Manticore. " Dave replied casually.
"Yeah that attacked me. " I said.
"A Manticore attacked you!? Are you sure you are alright? did he sting you with its tail? " Fluttershy asked with a hint of concern in her voice.
‘Why is she so concerned about me?’ I thought.
"Well yes I am ok and don’t worry I ki---. "
"He kicked his ass! " Dave suddenly cut me off.
"Uhm sure yeah I kicked his ass. " I said.
"What’s an ass? " Fluttershy asked.
‘Oh dear god.’ I thought.
"Well ass is another term for our rears. " I asked.
She looked at me in confusion.
"What is your rear called? " I asked.
She blushed a little before answering.
"Y-You m-mean m-my flank? " She asked.
"Yeah, lest just say that ass is another word for flank. " I replied.
"Oh o-ok. " She replied.
"Hey dude I got your laptop." Dave said while passing me the laptop.
Fluttershy looked at the laptop curiously, when I turned it on and the screen started to lit up she let out a small *eep*, I told her not to worry and eventually she calmed down.
What do I show her? I have no internet………AH I know it! I have a lot of music stored on my laptop as well as a lot of movies.
"Hey Fluttershy do you like music? " I asked.
‘God what a stupid question who doesn’t love music?’ I thought
"Yes I-I do like music. " Fluttershy replied.
"Well you’re in, luck then. You are going to be the first pony to ever hear alien music! " I replied.
"Ehm yay? " Fluttershy replied.
"Alright this is one of my favorite songs. " I said.
I then hit the play button and the music started playing.
Youtube Video
While the music was playing Dave was listening to the song with a neutral expression, Fluttershy on the other hand had closed her eyes and was humming with the beat of the music.
After a two more minutes the song ended and Fluttershy opened her eyes.
"That was beautiful. " Fluttershy said.
"Thanks, would you like to hear more? " I asked.
"I would love to but my good friend Rarity is coming to pick me up for the spa and……Oh my Rarity is going to pick me up for the spa! " Fluttershy said a lot louder than usual.
"Is that a bad thing? " I asked.
"Well if she sees you then yes it is a bad thing. " Fluttershy replied.
"I have an idea! " Dave intertwined.
"What is it? " I asked.
"We’ll kidnap her. " Dave replied.
"Wow that might be one of your stupidest ideas yet. " I replied.
"No no just hear me out on this one dude, Alright Fluttershy will invite Rarity for a cup of tea while we hide behind the couch, Rarity walks in Fluttershy closes and locks the door, we come out of our hiding spot and introduce ourselves, Rarity calms down and we will live happily ever after. " Dave explained.
"Wow that might actually work. " I said.
"I know right. " Dave replied.
"Fluttershy what do you think? " I asked.
"Well as long as anypony won’t get hurt I will help. " Fluttershy said.
"Great now we only need cool code-names………I got it! Ramses your code-name will be Big Daddy , my code-name will be Total Badass and Fluttershy’s code-name will be The Vet . " Dave said.
"Alright fine but why do you have to be named Total Badass , Total Pussy would fit you better. " I replied.
"Yeah blablablabla, I hope you get send to prison and drop the soap while showering. " Dave replied.
"Aawwhhh dude gross, not cool. " I replied.
"Hey you asked for it. " Dave replied.
"Why would you want him to get send to prison and drop the soap while showering? " Asked a very Fluttershy.
"Because he’ll get ass fu----. "
"Because Dave’s an asshole that’s why. " I cut Dave of before he could finish his sentence.
"Yeah yeah just deny the truth gay boy. " Dave replied.
"Let’s just wait until Rarity arrives shall we? " I asked.
"Sure thing dude. " Dave replied.
"Fluttershy how long until Rarity arrives? " I asked.
"I think she’ll be here in half an hour. " Fluttershy replied.
"Great so that means we can practice our code-names! " Dave replied.
"Yay. " I replied sarcastically.
I just hope we don’t fuck this up………..
Tales of a brony and a non-brony
Meeting the others
*Knock*Knock*
"Fluttershy darling I'm here to pick you up for our trip to the spa." Rarity said.
"C-Coming." Fluttershy replied.
"Alright The Vet, go for it!" Dave whispered.
"Yes, I'll do my best Total Badass." Fluttershy whispered back.
"I just love it when someone calls me a badass." Dave whispered to me.
"Will you shut up!?" You're going to fuck this up if you don't keep your mouth shut! I snapped back.
"Ok ok, jeez." Dave replied.
The door opened and revealed a white pony with a purple mane.
'So this is Rarity.' I thought.
"H-Hello Rarity what brings you here?" Fluttershy asked.
Dave face palmed at that question, I just sighed.
"And you were saying I would fuck this up?" Dave asked sarcastically.
"Just be quiet." I whispered back.
"What do you mean darling? We always visit the spa together once a week, don't you remember?" Rarity asked.
"Oh of course, he silly me." Fluttershy replied laughing nervously.
"Is there something wrong darling?" Rarity asked.
"N-No nothing wrong, I was just wondering if you wanted to drink a cup of tea with me before we leave." Fluttershy replied.
"Well darling who would deny such an offer?" Rarity asked.
"So it's a yes?" Fluttershy asked.
"Grab the cups darling." Rarity replied.
Fluttershy smiled and let Rarity inside, she (what kind of surprised me because of the pressure on her) didn't forget to lock the door, luckily Rarity didn't notice.
"Darling not to be rude but can we just have one cup of tea and leave afterwards, I would hate to be late for our appointment." Rarity said.
"O-Of course, you just go and sit on the couch." Fluttershy replied.
"I will darling." Rarity replied with a smile.
Fluttershy walked into the kitchen getting the tea.
"Rarity I have a special kind of tea, would you like to try it?" Fluttershy asked.
"Of course darling." Rarity replied.
Fluttershy walked in with a plate holding two cups of tea, she then put the plate down on the table, suddenly one of the cups started to.....Float? Yep it was defiantly floating.
Rarity then took a sip from her tea.
"Hmmmm darling this tea is delicious, what is it called?" Rarity asked.
"It's called Total Badass." Fluttershy replied.
"What was that darling?" Rarity asked.
"I said it was called Total Badass." Fluttershy replied.
"What?" Rarity asked.
"Is said it was called TOTAL BADASS!" Fluttershy shouted.
"That's our cue." I said.
With that said, we stood up.
"Fluttershy darling what are you talking about? I've never heard of Total Badass tea ." Rarity said.
"Rarity whatever you do please don't scream and try to stay calm." Fluttershy replied.
"Why would I scream darling?" Rarity asked confused.
"Just look behind you." Fluttershy replied.
"Alright but I still do............AAAAAAH MONSTERS!" Rarity screamed.
"P-Please stay calm Rarity. "Fluttershy said, well you couldn't really hear her because of Rarity's screaming.
"FLUTTERSHY WE NEED TO RUN!" Rarity said while running to the door, luckily for us Fluttershy locked the door.
"Fluttershy quickly unlock the door!" Rarity said, desperately trying to get away from us.
"Rarity p-please c-calm down, those monsters are my friends." Fluttershy said trying to calm Rarity down.
'She actually considers us being her friends.' I thought.
"Yeah miss Rarity we're good guys." Dave added.
"It can talk!?" Rarity asked confused and horrified.
Yeah we can talk miss and we are not an it we are a he. Dave said.
I gave him a nasty glare before speaking up.
"Listen Rarity was it, we mean you no harm, we are simply lost on this planet." I said.
"W-What d-do you mean this planet, are you not f-from Equestria?" Rarity asked.
"Well.....No we are not, I guess we are extraterrestrials." I replied sheepishly.
"A-Aliens.......Oh sweet Celestia alieaaahhhhhh." Before Rarity could finish her sentence she fainted.
"Oh come on not again!" I shouted.
"O-Oh my, I knew this was a bad idea; t-this i-is all my fault." Fluttershy said with a sad tone.
"No no no please don't cry, it's not your fault if it's anyone's fault it's ours." Dave said trying to cheer Fluttershy up.
"Ehm guys, fainted pony problem over here." I said trying to get their attention.
Dave got up and walked over to me.
"Dude can't you see Fluttershy's upset about this whole thing?" Dave asked/whispered.
"Well last time I checked this whole thing was your idea." I replied.
"I know that's why I'm gonna fix this mess." Dave replied.
What do you mean? I asked.
"My entire life you were always the one who fixed everything, like that time I broke dads vase but you said that you broke it, knowing you would take the beating instead of me, I want to be able to fix my own mistakes man, it's not like I didn't appreciate all the things you did for me but I'm not a little kid anymore, I don't want to be the little brother anymore, for just this once I want to take full responsibility for my actions and be the big brother ." Dave explained.
"Is this really how you felt all those times I took the punishment?" I asked.
"Yes, I wanted to tell you that you didn't need to be so over protective, but I never had the guts to tell you......Looks like I'll always need someone to watch my back." Dave said with a down voice.
I gave him a pat on the shoulder.
"Go fix your mistake big brother." I said.
Dave looked at me and gave me a smile, he walked over to Fluttershy and then bend over to whisper something in her ear, she looked at Dave confused but after a few seconds she nodded and they both went into the kitchen.
I looked down and saw Rarity's unconscious body on the wooden floor.
'Damnit Dave when I said fix your mistake I also meant picking Rarity up and setting her on the couch.' I thought.
I sighed and bend over to pick Rarity up, she was also surprisingly light but I guess that was because of their heights or something, Rarity and Fluttershy were about 4 feet tall I was a little over 6 feet tall, so yeah I could kind of understand why they would freak when they saw us.
'Alright let's get you a comfortable bed or couch in this case.' I chuckled a little at that joke, oh god laughing at your own jokes how low can you get?
I gently put Rarity on the couch and walked towards the center of the room and sat dwn on the floor, I just hope that she doesn't take it too long to wake up.
Five minutes later I heard a moan.
'Looks like she's waking up.' I thought.
"Ooh Fluttershy darling I just had the strangest dream, there were two aliens in your cottage and........Oh no." Rarity said.
Rarity looked at me, she was frozen in place and she was opening and closing her mouth as if she wanted to say something.
"Miss whatever you do please don't scream." I said using my most calming voice.
"I-I-I-I." Was the only thing that came out of her mouth.
"Listen I know this might seem strange and all but please just let me explain what happened and how we arrived here." I said.
Rarity hesitantly nodded and I started to explain what happened, I explained what we were and were we came from, how we arrived here (which I just told her that it was a mystery for us as well),that we met Fluttershy and the exact thing happened when she first heard the term aliens and of course I introduced myself.
Twenty minutes of explaining later............
"Well Ramses darling I must say that I never expected to meet an alien first hoof but life is just full of surprises isn't it?" Rarity said.
"You're right about that miss Rarity." I replied.
"Please no miss Rarity darling, just Rarity will do." Rarity replied.
"Ok Rarity , well I've got no idea what we could possibly do now.......Wait didn't you and Fluttershy have a appointment at the spa or something?" I asked.
"Oh buck! Well looks like we will just have to wait until next week.......Again." Rarity said.
"Oh listen Rarity I'm really sorry about all this, if there is anything that I could do for you I would be happy to." 'Damnit why did I say that, who knows what's she's going to ask.' I thought.
"Well darling there is one thing you could do for me." Rarity replied.
"And that is?" I asked.
"It has not gone unnoticed that you wear clothes but why do you wear them?" Rarity asked.
"Well we Humans don't have any furr to protect us from the cold environment, so we wear clothes to keep us warm......And there is the fact we wear clothes to cover up our private area ." I explained uncomfortably with this whole topic.
"Private area?" Rarity asked confused.
"You know you’re.......Thing ." I replied.
"Thing?" Rarity asked.
"You know your sensitive area ." I replied.
"Well we unicorns have many sensitive areas but we don’t cover them up." Rarity replied.
"Oh for fucks sake I'm talking about your vagg." I said.
"Vagg?" Rarity asked.
"Oh sweet mother of-- gah you know when a man and a woman are going to have some kinky time and the man puts his schlong inside the womans vagg." I replied trying to make her drop this whole topic.
"Are you talking about my marehood ?" Rarity asked.
"Well......Yes?" I replied.
Rarity blushed furiously at my answer.
"Oh I-I understand heh sorry about that." Rarity replied still blushing.
"It's alright; just try not to bring this subject up again ok." I replied.
"Of course darling but I have another question." Rarity said.
"And that is?" I asked unsure if she was going to ask another one of her questions.
"What happened to your clothes, I mean the design is decent but why do you have 3 cuts in it and the red really messes up the white." Rarity replied.
"Well first" I said while pointing at my blouse "the red is blood." Rarity flinched when I mentioned that "and second I was attacked by a Manticore so that explains the 3 cuts." I explained to her.
"You were attacked by a Manticore and you survived!?" Rarity asked astonished by my explanation.
"Yes I survived but it did come with a cost." I said while pointing at the bandages around my chest.
"Well then you are very lucky to be alive Ramses......And Ramses could I ask you one more thing?" Rarity asked.
"Sure." I replied, secretly I wanted to end this as quick as possible.
"I have never designed clothes for an alien before so.......Would you like it if I made you some new clothes." Rarity asked.
"Wow that's a little rushed don't you think?" I asked.
"Well it's just that I haven't had a lot of inspiration lately but maybe this could brinh it back, so will you allow me?" Rarity asked.
"Well ok I guess but don't you have to take my measurements or something?" I asked.
"Well yes of course I do but we can just go to Carousel Boutique and get your measurements." Rarity replied.
"Ehm mind telling me where Carousel Boutique is?" I asked.
"In the center of Ponyville, why do you ask?" Rarity asked.
"Well I think you are forgetting some things number one me being a six feet tall extraterrestrial that only you and Fluttershy knows and of course there is the fact that I will probably scare the whole town to death." I replied.
"Oh yes heheheh I got a little caught up in the moment, sorry about that." Rarity replied sheepishly.
"That's ok but if it would make you happy then yes I would love it if you designed me some new clothes." I replied.
I swear Rarity I could hear a squeal coming from her.
"Oh this is amazing! Just imagine me Rarity the first unicorn to ever make alien clothes!" Rarity said with much joy.
I just smiled at her childly reaction; it reminded me of the good old days......When dad was still alive.
"And then the guy says mom I'm over here." I heard Dave say.
I could hear laughter in the background, I looked towards the kitchen and I saw Dave and Fluttershy laughing when they walked into the living room.
"That *giggle* was a good one Dave." Fluttershy said.
"Thanks Flutters." Dave replied.
'Already giving them nicknames.' I thought.
"Oh look Rarity's awake." Dave said.
"Oh Rarity thank Celestia you're alright." Fluttershy said while hugging Rarity.
"Yes I am fine darling but I must say I never expected for all of this to happen, I mean us meeting aliens."Rarity said.
"Well for us it's the same thing you know." Dave replied.
'The only difference is that you know them from the inside out.' I thought.
"Oh there is another, tell me darling what is your name?" Rarity asked Dave.
"My name is Dave Bal miss Rarity." Dave replied.
"My my you two surely know how to address a mare but there is no need for formality's darling, just Rarity will do." Rarity replied.
"Ok Rarity how are you handling all this?" Dave asked.
"Well I must say that at first my life was over and that you were going to perform all kinds of alien tests on me but now I see that you two are nice ......What do they call stallions on your planet?" Rarity asked.
"Men." I replied.
"Men yes but no I see that you two are very nice men ." Rarity said.
"Yes at first I thought that you were two dangerous aliens but just like Rarity said you two are very nice and I think that if they wanted to hurt us you would have done so already." Fluttershy added.
"Thanks girls but what do we do now?" Dave asked.
"Well I might have an idea." Rarity said.
"And that is?" I asked.
"We could get Twilight and the others, I'm sure that they would be thrilled to meet you two and there is the fact that Twilight is Princess Celestia's personal student, maybe Princess Celestia knows how you arrived here." Rarity said.
"So basically what you’re saying is that you are going to get your friends and bring them over here?" I asked.
"That is the plan darling." Rarity replied.
"Ok we'll trust you on this one; you go get your friends while Dave and I wait here." I replied.
"Rarity is it ok if I stay here with them, it wouldn't be nice of me to leave our guests alone on a planet their not even from......If that's ok with you of course." Fluttershy said.
"Well of course darling, I will get Twilight and the others while you Ramses and......I'm sorry what was your name again?" Rarity asked.
"Dave." Dave replied.
"Right, while you, Ramses and Dave wait here I will get Twilight and the others." Rarity finished.
"Sounds like a plan." Dave said .
"I'll be leaving now, you'll see me in half an hour." Rarity said.
*Click*
"Oh heheheh Fluttershy darling would you be so kind to open the door for me?" Rarity asked sheepishly.
"Sure Rarity." Dave replied.
And with that said Rarity left the house and it was just me, Dave and Fluttershy.
"What were you two talking about anyway?" I asked.
"That's something between me and Fluttershy right Flutters?" Dave asked.
"Yes Total Badass ." Fluttershy replied.
At first Dave started to giggle and giggling eventually became laughter, we all joined in and after a minute the laughing started to cool down.
"Oh Dave you and your stupid code-names." I said while wiping away my tears.
"Oh Ramses you and your small schlong." Dave replied.
"Yeah me and my small HEY! WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!?"
"Aaah so close." Dave said.
"Excuse me but if it's not too much to ask.....Could we maybe listen to some more music?" Fluttershy asked.
"Sure Fluttershy, seems that you are interested in alien music eh?" I asked.
"Well I must say that the first song we listened to was really beautiful." Fluttershy replied.
"Do you want to hear it again?" I asked.
"I-If that's ok with you of course." Fluttershy replied.
"Sure thing Fluttershy." I replied.
And with that we started listening to all kinds of music, from Streets are calling to Burn it down from Linkin Park.
Fluttershy said that our music really touched her, that she felt as if somepony's emotions were flowing through the lyrics.
Twenty minutes later...............
*Knock* *Knock*
"Fluttershy darling I brought everypony like we agreed." We heard Rarity say.
I could hear four other voices as well.
"What do you think they'll look like?" A tomboyish voice said.
"Ah don't know sugarcube but one thanks fer sure, we are not alone after all." Someone with a thick Southern accent said.
The accent reminded me of Billy and Duck, god those guys must be worried about us.
"I hope they like cake or candy ooh ooh or cakecandy or"---"Pinkie!" The one with the Southern accent cut her off.
"Oops sorry but it's just soooooooo exciting we're gonna meet aliens! Isn't this exciting Twilight isn't it? Isn't it? "The one named Pinkie asked. If I remember correctly her name was Pinkie Pie or something, I know because of her voice, god that voice is so annoying, when Dave would watch that show her voice was the first thing I heard.
"Yes it is Pinkie but try not to scare them ok?" The one named Twilight asked.
"Oki doki loki."Pinkie replied.
"Fluttershy would you open the door please?" Rarity asked.
"Coming!" Fluttershy replied.
"Prepare yourself dude because we are gonna be bombarded with questions." Dave whispered.
"Just kill me now." I pleaded.
"Nah this is more fun." Dave replied with a grin.
"Lul." (Dick.)
"David Hasselhof lover." Dave replied.
"David Hasselhof is fucking hot!" I said.
"His men boobs are amazing." Dave replied with awe.
"Alright this is starting to get really gay." I said.
"Nothing wrong with being gay man." Dave replied.
I" didn’t say that there was something wrong with being gay, I just said that this conversation was getting really gay." I replied as a matter of factly.
"Whatever man, are you ready?" Dave asked.
"Nope." I replied.
Just then the door opened and revealed four ponies, there was a purple one who had a purple mane with some pink in it, there was an orange one with a blond mane and a cowboy hat? Ok weird.
There was a cyan one, her mane was multicolored and she appeared to have wing and finally there was a pink one, she had a pink mane and well……She was just really pink.
'That one must be Pinkie Pie.' I thought.
"Well Rarity where are those alien……..OH SWEET CELESTIA ALIENS!" Twilight shouted.
The other three looked at Twilight before looking at us, when they saw us their mouths stood wide open, but something was off, where was Pinkie?
My thoughts were interrupted by a pink blur tackling me to the ground.
"AAH JESUS MALIESUS WHAT THE FUCK!?" I shouted.
I opened my eyes and saw Pinkie literally inches away from my face, she had this wide smile on her face, I swear if she smiled even wider her face would split in two.
"HellomynameisPinkiePiewhatsyoursomygoshyoucantalkdoyoulikecupcakesdoyoudoyou?" Pinkie said.
"Uhm wha?" Was the only thing that managed to come out of my mouth.
"Pinkie get of the alien!" The purple one said.
"Oops sorry mister Alien." Pinkie said.
And in an instant Pinkie was back with the others.
"How the hell did she do that?" I asked.
"That’s just Pinkie being Pinkie Pie just ignore her, but just wow you can talk and Equestrian none the less." The purple one said.
"Well if by Equestrian you mean English than yes we can talk." I replied.
"English wow." The purple one said, she then teleported what appeared to be a paper and quell out of nowhere and started to write something down.
"Twilight I know this is exciting but we’ve got bigger problems over here, like the two big ugly aliens in Fluttershy’s cottage." The cyan pony said.
"Hey what do you mean with ugly , says the girl with the Rainbow colored mane, what kind of drugs were you to allow someone to dye your mane in that color?" I asked.
You might be thinking why not say hair instead of mane, well I know a lot about animals and quite francually ponies do exist on earth so yeah that’s how I knew how to call their hair.
But back to the whole scene, I think my comment pissed the cyan pony of.
"Say that again you big ugly alien freak!" The cyan pony replied.
"What was that drug addict?" I asked mockingly.
"Why you." And with that she spread he wings and started to fly towards me with incredible speed, I barely dodged her but she flew past me.
"Hey come back and fight like a stallion!" The cyan pony shouted.
"Come at me big girl!" I replied
She came at me again and this time I was ready to take her on.
"STOP!" Someone screamed.
I looked towards the source of the scream and I saw the purple pony, her horn started to glow, I almost forgot about the cyan one, I quickly turned around but I was shocked to see the cyan one hovering in the air covered by a purple aura.
"Twilight put me down!" The cyan one demanded.
"Only if you promise to calm down." The purple one replied.
"Fine fine, just put me down." The cyan one replied.
With that the purple aura was gone and the cyan one was free again.
"Thanks, but did you have to use your magic on me?" The cyan one asked.
"Well you were about to fight the first alien who ever set foot on Equestria, so yes I had to use my magic on you." The purple one replied.
Fine just don’t do it again. The cyan one replied.
"I promise Rainbow Dash, now shall we start over again?" The purple one asked.
"Sure I would love to!" Dave said while answering the question she asked to me.
"Ok, well let’s start with introductions, my name I Twilight Sparkle, what’s yours?" Twilight asked.
"My name is Ramses Doutzenberg miss Sparkle." I replied.
Twilight blushed a little at my answer.
"My my eheheh, Rarity wasn’t lying when she said you two knew formalities but there is no need for them, just Twilight will do and I thinks that counts for everypony else, right girls?" Twilight asked.
They all nodded in response, except the cyan one.
"Well then let us continue our introductions." Twilight said.
"Yes well you have already met me and Fluttershy so there will be no need for introductions for the two of us." Rairity said.
"Well let me be the second to introduce myself, names Applejack and I work a live at Sweet Apple Arces with ma family." Applejack said.
"Nice to meet you Applejack." I replied.
Suddenly the pink blur pushed Applejack aside.
"Hello my name is Pinkie pie and I’m gonna throw you tow the biggest Welcome to Equestria party ever!" Pinkie said.
"Ehm nice to meet you to?" I replied.
Suddenly the cyan pony pushed Pinkie aside.
"Names Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria!" Rainbow Dash said.
'More like fattest flyer in Equestria .' I thought.
She then whispered something in my ear.
"Listen here buster, I don’t like you and you don’t like me but I guess I have to be nice to you, but if you try to hut any of my friends I will kick your flank you got that?" Rainbow Dash said.
"Am I supposed to be scared of a little pony that couldn’t even hit me the first time, so you better watch your tone buster." I replied.
She gave me a nasty look before flying back to her friends.
"Hey don’t forget about me! My name is Dave Bal and I’m Ramsey’s best friend……And I’m also the prettiest of us two." Dave said.
"Make-up doesn’t make you prettier." I replied.
"That’s what they said about Britney Spears said and look at her now!" Dave replied.
"Yeah she shaved her head and she’s hated by everyone." I replied.
"Fuck I forgot about that." Dave said.
*ahem* "Not to ruin your little conversation but is it ok with you if I could ask you some questions?" Twilight asked.
"Ask him, I’m done answering questions." I replied while pointing at Dave.
"Okaaay so would you like to answer my questions?" Twilight asked Dave.
"Sure thing Twilight but I’m actually kind of hungry and my stuff is in Fluttershy’s kitchen so……Could we discuss this in the kitchen while I grab something to eat?" Dave asked.
"Well I’m sure Fluttershy wouldn’t mind, you wouldn’t mind right Fluttershy?" Twilight asked.
"N-No of course not." Fluttershy replied.
"Alright everypony follow me were going to the kitchen."Twilight announced.
And with that said Dave and the ponies went into the kitchen, luckily I was smart enough to hide all of our stuff behind Fluttershy’s couch, I sat down on the couch and grabbed my laptop.
I played one favorite songs.
Youtube Video
While the song was playing I was thinking about my past, before Dave, before everything…….
Flashback……………..
It was a sunny day in the town of Brunssum, kids were playing outside and parents were talking with each other, except for one lonely child and his parents.
"Aren’t you going to play with the other kids son?" A man in his mid-forty’s asked.
"I don’t like playing with others dad; they all call me names and say that I’m not good at anything."
"That’s not true; my sweet baby boy is good at everything!" A woman in her mid-forty’s replied.
"Thanks mom but I’d rather……Play alone."
The adults both looked at each other before the man spoke up.
"How about we go and play a came together then?" He asked.
"What game dad?" The boy asked.
The father looked at his son before patting him on the shoulder.
"Tag your it!" The father said before taking of.
"Huh?" The boy said.
"Come on then, are you just going to sit here and let him win the game?" The mother asked.
"What oh no no I’m not, I’m gonna get you dad!" The boy shouted to his father before running after him.
And with that said the boy and the father started to play tag, the boy couldn't catch his father, so his father decided to help him a little.
"Oh no! The father screamed dramatically, "this inconvenient placed rock made me trip!" The father said while fake tripping and falling on the ground.
"Got *pant* you *pant*" the boy said between pants.
"Yes you did son." The father replied laughing.
"Oh look at you two, your clothes are all dirty, come on get up, time to head home, you can play tag when we finish dinner." The mother said.
"Yay!" The father and son shouted on union.
"Ey wanna go for a piggy back ride?" The father asked.
"Sure"! The boy replied with much joy.
"Saddle up partner." The father replied.
The boy got on his father’s back and they ran off.
"Can’t you go faster dad?" The boy asked.
"I think im getting fat son." The father replied jokingly.
They all started laughing at his comment.
"I love you son, always remember that." His father’s words echoed.
End of flashback……………………………….
A single tear dropped from my eye, I quickly wiped away the tear.
'Those were the good days.' I thought.
"Why are you crying?" I heard someone ask, or rather some pony, Pinkie was behind me (don’t ask me how).
"I-it’s nothing Pinkie." I replied. While pulling out my earplugs.
"Nopony cries without being sad about something, you can tell me and I'll cheer you up!" Pinkie replied.
"Pinkie please I just want to be left alone." I replied.
Ahwww come on pretty pleaseeee? Pinkie asked
No just leave me alone. I replied getting angry.
Pleeeeaaaaaseeeeee? Pinkie asked.
NO MEANS NO, WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!? IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE AND WHEN NOT TO!? I SHOUTED.
Pinkie looked at me before her lower lip started quivering, tears were forming n her eyes.
'Oh crap here we go.' I thought.
"Y-Youre a big meanie bawaaaaaaahaahaa." Pinkie said before bursting into tears.
'Fucking great, I just made a pony cry.' I thought.
"What is going on here why…….WHY IS PINKIE CRYING!?" Asked a very confused/angry Twilight.
Everyone walked out of the kitchen, they all saw Pinkie crying, she was laying in front of me, Fluttershy rushed over to Pinkie while te rest of the ponies were staring daggers at me.
"What did you do to her!?" Asked Rainbow Dash.
"I only told her to leave me alone." I replied.
"No you screamed at her, I told you not to hurt my friend in anyway but you still did it, that’s it, you’re going down buster." Rainbow Dash said before flying towards me.
"WAIT STOP!" Dave shouted.
Rainbow stopped before turning towards Dave.
"What do you mean stop ? He made Pinkie cry! Nopony makes Pinkie cry, she’s the sweetest pony you’ll ever meet, so making her cry is just plain out being evil!" Rainbow Dash replied.
"I know that he made Pinkie cry but I also know that he wouldn’t make her cry without a reason, so what exactly did you say dude?" Dave asked.
"I told her to leave me alone." I replied.
"You mean you *sob* s-shouted." Pinkie added.
"I asked you nicely before but you wouldn’t listen." I replied.
"That’s no reason fer you to be shoutin at her!" Applejack said.
"Well if she would have just left me alone all of this wouldn’t have happened!" I replied.
"But it’s no reason to yell at her!" Twilight said.
"You know what? Fuck this, Dave I’m taking the guns, ammo and some snacks, I’m going for a long long walk." I said to Dave, completely ignoring the ponies.
"You are not going anywhere before apologizing to Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Fine." I said while grabbing our guns from behind the couch.
"Pinkie I’m sorry for being honest to you." I said.
I then opened the door and walked towards the forest.
"Why that little." Rainbow Dash said.
"He’s got some nerve for making Pinkie cry, I swear when he comes back I’m gonna give him a few lessons 'bout respect." Applejack said.
"Why was he so mean all of a sudden? He wasn’t as mean to me; we even had a nice conservation together." Rarity said confused about Ramses's sudden outburst.
"Well luckily Dave isn’t such a mean guy like Ramses." Rainbow Dash said.
"Yeah that’s fer sure, Dave do you have any idea why Ramses was being so mean to Pinkie?" Applejack asked.
Dave didn’t answer, he walked towards the couch and picked Ramses laptop up, he looked at the screen before widening his eyes.
"Oh shit…….Enclosure." Dave said.
"What’s that Dave?" Asked Twilight.
"It’s called a laptop, I'll explain later what it does…..Shit Ramses you were having another flashback weren’t you?" Dave said out loud.
"Flashback?" You mean those things that ponies get about their pasts? Asked Twilight.
"Yeah." Dave replied.
"But why would he get angry over a flashback?" Fluttershy asked while comforting Pinkie.
"Because his flashbacks aren’t the ones about good times." Dave replied.
"What *sob* do you *sob* mean?" Asked Pinkie regaining her composure.
"Ramses has a hard life, he’s been through much…..Too much, when he was a little kid he….he…I…I can’t tell you that." Dave said.
"Can’t tell us what?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I-I can't tell you because it's not something I like to talk about." Dave replied.
"It can't be that bad." Rainbow Dash said.
"Trust me.....It is." Dave replied.
"Well it's still no reas'n fer him to be so mean." Applejack said.
"Yeah who does he think he is." Rainbow Dash added.
"Normally I give everypony a chance but I'm not so sure about your friend Dave, Pinkie didn't do anything wrong." Twilight said.
"Well he did tell me to leave him alone twice before he started shouting." Pinkie replied to Twilight, regaining her composure.
"Pinkie are you ok?" Asked Twilight while runninh over to her and giving her a hug.
"Yeah I'm fine but it's just that I thought Ramses was sad and I tried to cheer him up."Pinkie said.
"But that's the sweetest thing you could do for somepony, who wouldn't want you to cheer them up." Said Twilight.
"Listen girls, Ramses isn't a bad guy he just had a.......Tough life." Dave said trying to change their point of view about Ramses.
"Tough life pfff yeah right, everypony has a tough life." Rainbow Dash replied.
That was the last straw, people could talk shit about him heck they could shit about mom if they wanted to, Dave would just ignore them but nobody talks shit about Ramses, even of it are the characters of his favorite TV show.
"ALRIGHT THAT'S IT! YOU ALL THINK RAMSES IS A BAD GUY BUT HE'S NOT! YOU ALL THINK YOU HAD A TOUGH LIFE!? TRY LIVING A LIFE WITHOUT LOVING PARENTS OR ANY FAMILY!" Dave screamed.
The ponies all stared at Dave's sudden outburst, they were completely silent.
"What do you mean a life without loving parents?" Rarity asked.
"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have screamed but you girls probably want to know what I'm talking about. "Dave said.
They all nodded in response.
"Well I-I never talked about this subject with anyone but promise me you'll think differently about Ramses, he's not a bad guy." Dave said.
"We promise, right girls?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yes." Twilight said.
"You have my word." Rarity said.
"Ah promise." Applejack replied.
"I promise to, I just know Ramses isn't a big meanie, he just needs somepony to talk to! " Pinkie replied.
"I promise to." Fluttershy replied.
"I'll only promise when I've heard the story." Rainbow Dash replied.
"Alright, you girls better take a seat, this might take a while." Dave said.
Rarity, Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie sat down on the couch, while Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat down on the floor.
"Alright I'm gonna tell you girls what Ramses told me."
"Alright it all started exactly twenty years ago, me and Ramses already knew each other because of our parents, from what I can remember his parents were the nicest people you could ever meet......But one day everything changed.........
It was the year 1994 the date was May twenty sixth, Ramses's birthday from what Ramses told me he still has nightmares every day about that horrible day."
"But your birthday supposed to be a fun day, not a day you should be having nightmares about." Pinkie said.
"Please Pinkie just let me finish the story." Dave said.
"Well as I was saying, Ramses still has nightmares about that day and here's why....
Ramses had just become six, he invited his entire family for the party, his mom and dad were there, his little brother, his nephew, nieces, aunts uncles, grandma, grandpa, everyone was there, me and my parents were there as well but after a few hours I got really tired so my parents decided to leave.
Luckily for us we left just in time, because a two hours later we heard police sirens and saw ambulances, what happened after that was something I never would have expected.
Ramses told me that one of his uncles, a uncle he had never seen or heard of came barging into his house armed with a gun, he told me that he started to scream at his father something about him never being there for him, he then told me that he.....he.....he s-shot him, after that his uncle started shooting everyone; starting with his grandparents and ending with his other uncles, aunts, and finally his mother"
The ponies were already crying, but I know I needed to continue, they had to know the full story.
"After that' his uncle grabbed his little brother and stabbed him in his throat, ending his life, Ramses told me his last words were 'big brother please help me, it hurts' when he was done with his brother he made his way over to him, telling him he would end his life quickly he could consider it a birthday present, his mother pleaded to take her instead......And eventually he did, he killed his mother in front of his eyes, his mother the woman he loved the most had just......Died.
The ponies were all crying uncontrollably, I needed this end this and I needed to do it quick.
"And after that the police arrived and shot his uncle and saved him." I quickly added, that wasn't what happened at all in the end but I couldn't tell them that.
"And that's why Ramses acted like that against Pinkie, I think he was crying because of the song he was listening tom the song is called Enclosure and it's a song that reminds him of his parents." I said.
"All of *sob* the thangs we said to the song*sob* poor fellah, if we only knew we would have understand." Applejack said between sobs.
"Yeah Ramses just lost everything, on a day you're supposed to be loved by everything." Dave said.
"How could *sob* an uncle do that to *sob* his own brother and *sob* nephews?" Fluttershy asked.
"The guy was a mad man." Dave replied.
Dave really needed to fight the urge to cry, he had cried many times when Ramses told him this story but he needed to be strong for this once he was the big brother.
"I-I'm going to go for a quick flight, to c-clear my m-mind." Rainbow Dash said.
Dave nodded in response.
With that Rainbow Dash took of and flew away, meanwhile five mares were still crying.
'Damnit what can I do to cheer them up?' Dave thought
"He must be *sob* devastated." Twilight said.
"Not to mention *sob* alone." Rarity added.
"He's not alone, he's got me and a few more people who he considers family." Dave quickly said.
He does? Pinkie asked.
Yes he does Pinkie, he has had a good life for the last couple of years. Dave replied.
Well I'm happy for him and when he comes back I'm gonna give him the biggest hug anypony has eve given him! Pinkie said with determination.
I'm sure he'll love it. Dave replied.
I just hope he isn't too angry with us. Fluttershy said.
"Don't worry, Ramses isn't really someone who sticks in the past." Dave replied.
"Oh thats good I guess." Fluttershy replied.
"And when the fellah comes back I'll apologies to him right away." Applejack said.
Luckily they were starting to cheer up a little, but I was thinking 'is Ramses going to come back?'
Rainbow Dash POV.......
'Buck, oh buck I need to find him and apologise, I didn't know' I just thought he was a bully that needed to be taught a lesson.' Rainbow Dash thought while flying through the air, looking for any sign that might lead to Ramses.
'Wait I think I......Yeah it's him!' Rainbow Dash thought as she saw Ramses sitting against a tree.
She quickly made her way over to him, she landed right in front of him before looking in his eyes, but when she looked into his eyes the only thing she saw was.......Nothing, she saw nothing, no sadness, no emotion, nothing.
"H-Hey." She said.
He simply looked at her before looking away.
(Ramses point of view)
"Listen I-I----." Was the only thing she could say before collapsing to the ground and started crying.
"Why are you crying? Weren't you going to kick my flank or something?" I asked.
"I was *sob* but t-then Dave told us *sob* what happened to you and I just want to say that I'm sorry, really I am, if I only knew what you have been through I would have acted differently. Rainbow Dash said between tears and sobs.
'So only because you know of my past (Which I'm going to have a little chit chat about with Dave) you care about how I feel?' I thought.
"Well it's not your fault Rainbow Dash and besides it's the past......You have to live in the future and remember the past, not the other way around." I said trying to cheer her up.
"Well I'm still really sorry about what I said." Rainbow Dash replied.
"It's alright I.....Forgive you." I said.
"Thanks *sniff* heh up think I was wrong about you." Rainbow Dash said.
"Wrong about what?" I asked.
"Wrong about you being a bully, you're like a big fluffy caring brother." Rainbow Dash replied mockingly.
"Dave told you that one while you were in the kitchen didn't he?" I asked.
"Yep." Rainbow Dash replied.
"Well I think we should be heading back to Fluttershy's house." I said.
"I guess you're right." Rainbow Dash replied.
"Let's go." I said.
"I'll fly ahead." Rainbow Dash said.
"Alright I think I can find my way back, you go on ahead." I replied.
"Sure thing, but try not to fall behind." Rainbow Dash said.
"How can I not fall behind while trying to catch up with The fastest flyer in all of Equestria ." I replied mockingly.
"Hey you remembered!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Maybe I did and maybe I didn't." I replied.
"Hadihadiha." Rainbow Dash replied sarcastically.
"Just fly up ahead." I said.
"Alright I'll see you in ten minutes?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Make it's fifteen." I replied.
"Slowpoke." Rainbow Dash replied.
"Well excuse me for not having wings." I replied sarcastically.
"Yeah yeah whatever." Rainbow Dash replied.
And with that said she took of.
I started walking back towards Fluttershy's home, the only thing that crossed my mind was I can't wait until I get home.
Fifteen minutes later Fluttershy's cottage............
I grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, I heard a satisfying *click* and I opened the door, I went inside and closed the door and turned around only to be tackled to the ground by Pinkie Pie.
"Ooompf Pinkie what are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm giving you a hug because that's what friends do for friends when they are really sad." Pinkie replied.
'Well actually they take them to a strip club and turned a bar to get drunk and maybe get laid, but I guess they don't have strip clubs here in Equestria.....Do they?' I thought.
"Pinkie I think you can let him go now." Twilight said.
"No I'll keep hugging him until he feels better." Pinkie replied.
"Ehm a little help." I said trying to get Pinkie of.
Twilight sighed and her horn started to glow again, I thought Pinkie would have let go by now but it appeared that Twilight's little aura trick didn't work as well as it did on Rainbow Dash.
"Pinkie cooome oooon let him go." Twilight said while trying to pull Pinkie of me.
"Sorry sugarcube but that ain't happening, when good ol Pinkie has her eyes set on somethin she ain't gonna let go until she achieves it."Applejack said while walking towards me.
"And ah also want ta say ahm sorry 'bout the way ah acted before, it wasn't nice of me to treat you like that." Applejack added.
"No need for apologies Applejack." I replied.
She gave me a warm smile before walking back to the rest.
"I'm also sorry Ramses, I hope you can forgive me and.......I'm terribly sorry for your loss." Twilight said.
"Just like I said to Applejack no need for apologies and could we please not talk about my past anymore?" I asked.
"Of course, but I believe I need to do something important." Twilight said.
"What is it Twilight darling?" aksed Rarity.
"I need to inform Princess Celestia about our two visitors." Twilight said.
"Wait you mean we are going to meet your Princess?" Dave asked with a hint of enthusiasm.
"Well.....Yes." Twilight replied.
"Awesome." Dave whispered.
"Alright I'll need to write a letter right away." Twilight said.
And with that, Twilight teleported a paper and quell out of nowhere.....Again and started writing/speaking.
"Dear Princess Celestia,
Tales of a brony and a non-brony
Hello Celestia! And goodbye for now Ramses.
It was a sunny day in Canterlot, Celestia’s sun shined brightly over the beautiful city. Everyone was happy.......Well almost everyone.
Celestia’s day was boring to say the least, first she had to raise the sun (what she did everyday), then she had to sit through day court and finally she had to deal with her nephew Prince Blueblood and his complaints.
So yeah to be precise, Celestia’s day was boring and frustrating.
"Finally some peace and quiet." Celestia said after she had told Blueblood she would look into his complaints.
'I can’t believe that he actually thinks he can order MY solar guards around.' Celestia thought.
Celestia just wanted some rest. She wanted to get away from all her duties for just this once.
"Guards you are dismissed for today." Celestia said.
"But your majesty shouldn’t we stay and guard?" One of the guards asked.
"No sergeant Blitz you do not." Celestia replied.
"Yes your majesty! Alright you heard the Princess let’s move it!" Blitz ordered his troops.
"Yes sir!" The other guards saluted.
The guards trotted over to the door, one of the guards opened the door so the others could walk trough.
Blitz turned his head towards the Solar Princess before speaking up.
"Your majesty, what should we do when Prince Blueblood comes and orders us around again?" Blitz asked.
"Just ignore him. And if he ask why just tell him that his aunt told you so." Celestia replied.
"Yes your majesty! Blitz replied before walking out of the throne room.
A few minutes passed and Celestia made sure no one was watching, she closed her eyes and almost drifted of to the land of dreams…..Almost .
"Finally I can get some re—."
Celestia was cut of by a letter appearing in front of her.
'Who would send me a letter at this time of the day?' Celestia thought.
Celestia sighed and opened the letter, she was still not amused by the one who sent the letter, that was of course until she found out it was her faithful student Twilight Sparkle.
"Another friendship report from Twilight, alright let’s see what kind of adventures my faithful student has gone through this day." Celestia said.
Dear Princess Celesta,
We have a situation that needs your immediate assistance.
You see, a few hours ago Rarity came by the library and told me she needed me and the other Elements of Harmony to come with her.
When I asked her why, she told me that Fluttershy needed our help.
So we went over to Fluttershy’s cottage, luckily we stumbled across Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie along the way.
On the way to Fluttershy’s cottage Rarity began telling us that two aliens were inside of Fluttershy’s cottage. At first we didn’t believe her but she was very serious about the whole subject; so we decided to wait and find out if she had not just seen a new kind of animal that Fluttershy had brought into her cottage.
But we were so wrong.
When we entered Fluttershy’s cottage we were greeted by two bipedal creatures, at first we were all scared and didn’t know what to do. That was until they began to talk to us.
For some odd reason they speak Equestrian!
They began to tell us their story and how they arrived here (which wasn’t much of a explanation because they have no idea as to how they arrived here.)
Not to worry they are surprisingly friendly (not like the aliens you read about in those comic books) and they even showed us some of their technology!
They are far more superior in technology than us ponies, they also told me that they had no magic on their world.
I almost forgot, their names are Ramses and Dave.
I was hoping if you could visit us as soon as possible, these Humans (the name of their species) have no idea how they are be able to return to their home.
I know this might seem strange, but I promise you that Ramses and Dave have no intention to hurt anypony They only want to return to their home as soon as possible.
I know this letter may seem a little rushed, but further explanation will be told by the Humans themselves.
Please come as soon as possible Princess.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
After Celestia had read the letter she was beginning to get a little excited and surprisingly nervous as well.
Aliens in Equestria? How fascinating, I trust my faithful students judgment. If she says that they have no intention of hurting us then I believe her. She was right about a lot of things when I was not, even if she doesn’t want to admit it.
Celestia looked at the letter one last time before calling her guards.
"Guards!" Celestia shouted.
In mere seconds the guards came rushing in, thinking that something had happened to their ruler.
"Yes your majesty!" One of the guard shouted.
"I will be departing for Ponyville, I want you" Celestia said while pointing at the guard she was speaking to "and you" Celestia pointed her hoof towards another guard "to come with
me." Celestia ordered.
"Yes your majesty!" They shouted in union.
"Good, the rest of you are dismissed. Do not worry, I won’t be gone for too long." Celestia said.
"Yes your majesty!" The guards replied.
With that said Celestia called the two guards towards her.
"Alright I am going to cast the teleportation spell, so prepare yourselves". Celestia said.
The guards nodded in response and awaited further orders.
Celestia horn started to glow and in a matter of seconds they were in front o Fluttershy’s cottage.
'Luckily for me I still remember where Fluttershy lives.' Celestia thought.
Celestia and the two guards walked towards the door, the guards on her left knocked on the door.
"Oh that must be Princess Celestia! She heard her faithful student say.
In a matter of seconds the door opened and revealed a very excited Twilight Sparkle.
"Princess Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed with joy.
"My faithful student Twilight Sparkle. How have you been?" Celestia asked.
"I’m good, but WOW I didn’t expect you to get here so quickly." Twilight said.
"Well when I read your letter I just needed to see these Humans for myself." Celestia replied.
"Oh well come in Princess!" Twilight said while gesturing her to come in.
"You two will wait here, I will call you when you are needed." Celestia said to the two guards.
"Yes your majesty!" They replied in union.
"Good, now please lead the way my faithful student." Celestia said, eager to meet the aliens.
Twilight nodded and led the Princess inside.
Once they were inside Celestia was greeted by the other five Elements of Harmony and not to forget the two aliens. The aliens were different, Celestia had expected to see a big green blob of slime or a green creature with two heads.
'Guess those comic books Luna showed me weren’t as accurate as I thought.' Celestia thought while scanning the two aliens.
They were bipedal, around 6 feet tall and had no fur. They appeared to be wearing clothes of some sort but not like any of the clothes Celestia had seen.
'These are defiantly not like the aliens from those comics.' Celestia thought.
"Princess Celestia may I introduce you to Ramses Doutzenberg and Dave Bal!" Twilight said while pointing her hoof at the aliens.
"Hi!"
"Waddup."
"Hello aliens, I am Princess Celestia co-ruler of Equestria. I can assure you that I mean no harm. From the letter that my faithful student had sent me she told me that you were called
Humans and that you have no intention of harming anypony am I correct?" Celestia asked.
"Uhm I-I-I-I-I." One of them stuttered.
"What Dave is trying to say is; yes we do not have any intention of hurting your ponies." The other Human replied while walking towards the Princess.
Celestia eyed him curiously, overtaking all of his features.
The Human had a short mane that appeared to be a blond color of some sort, she could see that he was a little taller than her and that he had what appeared to be a scar on his left eye.
The Human stopped in his tracks before lowering itself and…..bowing for her?
"May I ask what you are doing?" Celestia asked Ramses.
"Bowing." Ramses replied casually.
"And may I ask why?" Celestia asked.
"Well you are the Princess, meaning that you are royalty of some sort and I’m an alien on your world, so the least I can do is show some respect." Ramses replied.
"That is very kind of you but there is no need for such formality’s, you are not one of my subjects so there is no need to bow." Celestia said.
"Whatever you say." Ramses replied while getting up.
"Nice going dude, already kissing ass." She heard the other Human say to the Human that had just bowed to her.
"Hey at least I know what to do when I meet someone who is far more superior than me. Remember the Prince Willem Alexander incident ?" Ramses asked.
"We promised never to speak of that ever again! And besides nothing happened." Dave said.
"Nothing happened ? Dave you almost got arrested if it wasn’t for Prince Willem to say that it wasn’t your fault." Ramses said.
"Hey I only spilled that coffee over him because I tripped!" Dave defended.
"You weren’t even supposed to be in that meeting remember? How did you even get there?" Ramses asked.
"Well I might have picked the wrong door, if you know what I’m saying." Dave replied.
"No I don’t know what you’re saying." Ramses said.
"I literally picked the wrong door, I thought I was going to the restroom but instead I ended up in that meeting." Dave said.
"How did the security not find you?" Ramses asked.
"Security? Ahhhh so that’s why those guys they kept running after me when I entered the building." Dave said.
"I don’t know what to do with you." Ramses said.
"Well mom did drop me on my head when I was younger." Dave said.
"Really?" Ramses asked.
"Nope, just kidding." Dave replied.
"*ahem* I think the Princess wants to talk to you two." Twilight interrupted.
"Huh? Oh yeah the Princess. Sorry about that, these kind of thing usually happen when it’s just the 2 of us." Dave said.
"That is Alright Human, and may I ask what your name is?" Celestia asked.
Dave walked towards Celestia and spoke up.
"Hi my name is Dave and I’m your number one fa--."
"Number one fantastic alien!" Ramses interrupted.
"Huh?" Dave asked while looking at Ramses, Ramses gave him a glare and Dave nodded in response. "Oh yeah right that’s what I am." Dave said before walking back to the other Human.
"Uhm okay?" Celestia said unsure what to think of what had just happened.
"Hi my name is Ramses Doutzenberg and I want to get straight to the point." Ramses said.
"And that point is?" Celestia asked keeping a neutral expression on her face.
"Do you know how to get us back home?" Ramses asked.
"Well…..No, not yet." Celestia replied.
Ramses looked at Celestia before sighing and walking towards the back of the cottage.
"Ramses are you ok?" Dave asked.
"I need some time to think." Ramses replied.
"S-Sure thing dude, just take your time." Dave said.
"Is he going to be alright?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"He just needs some time to think about all of this." Dave replied.
"Princess is there really no way for us to return home?" Dave asked.
"Well not that I know of, but if you two would come with me to Canterlot I could try and look for anything that might help you get home." Celestia replied.
"Well if it’s any help." Dave said.
"Oh Canterlot, I can assure you that you will have a wonderful time there with us. Rarity said while her eyes had a sparkle is them. The beautiful fashion, the royalty and of course
the city itself." Rarity said with much enthusiasm.
"Yes about that." Celestia said while looking at Dave. "I think it would be for the best if I would depart to Canterlot lot with Dave and Ramses alone." celestial said.
"Alone ? Why is that Princess?" Twilight asked.
"Well I need to know more about them." Celestia lied.
Celestia really wanted to talk to these Humans, she was very excited to hear their story (the kind of excited Twilight would get over a good book or Rainbow Dash about the Wonderbolts.)
"But why can’t we come with ya Princess?" Applejack asked.
"Well it’s because….." Celestia trailed of.
"Because of what?" Applejack asked.
"Well because I just need to talk to them alone, but I assure you that you will be able to talk to them once we get back from Canterlot." Celestia said reassuring the Applejack and the others that they would be able to talk some more to their alien friends.
"Will it take very long?" Fluttershy asked in a whisper.
"No Fluttershy, if things go as I would like them to go they could return to Ponyville this evening." Celestia said.
"Wait return ? No no that’s NOT happening." Ramses said.
"Dude chill, I’m sure the Princess will find a way for us to return home……Right?" Dave asked.
"I will do everything in my power to help you return home, but I cannot assure that you will be able to return home today." Celestia said.
"Well as long as we can get home, I’m all in." Ramses said.
"Are we ready to leave then?" Celestia asked.
"Sure let’s go." Ramses said.
"Actually I kind of want to stay here." Dave said.
"Stay here ? Why would you want to stay here?" Ramses asked confused.
Dave walked up to Ramses and whispered something in his ear.
"I don’t like flying dude, and Princess Celestia probably has ton of guards waiting outside." Dave whispered.
How do you know that she’s got a ton of guards waiting outside? Ramses asked.
"Fan fictions." Dave replied.
"Seriously? And you believe those things?" Ramses asked.
"Yep , but I guess it’s time to find out if their 100 percent accurate." Dave replied while walking towards Celestia.
"So Princess Celestia, may I ask you a question?" Dave asked.
"Of course Human." Celestia replied.
"My name’s Dave Princess but that’s alright. But the question is: Do you have guards waiting outside?" Dave asked.
"Well…….Yes, two to be precise." Celestia replied confused by his question.
"Told you so!" Dave said to Ramses.
"Yeah yeah whatever. Listen Princess whatever your name is let’s just go, I want to get this over with as quickly as possible." Ramses said.
"Alright, Twilight sparkle can you assure me that you will keep Dave hidden from public eyes?" Celestia asked.
"Yes Princess Celestia!" Twilight replied with much confidence.
"Alright, now if you" Celestia said while pointing her hoof at Ramses "would be so kind to follow me."
"Uhm sure but wait let me get some of my stuff." Ramses said while walking towards his backpack and lifting it up.
"What are you going to do with those?" Dave asked.
"None of your damn business." Ramses snapped back.
"Wow dude relaaaaaaax." Dave said.
Ramses walked over to Dave and whispered something in his ear.
"You and I are going to have a little talk about privacy when we get back to Brattleboro." Ramses whispered.
"*gulp* s-sure thing man." Dave replied nervously.
Ramses gave him a nod before walking towards Celestia.
"Alright Princess, lead the way." Ramses said while gesturing at the door.
"My little ponies; be safe, I will return with Ramses as soon as possible." Celestia said.
"Princess I do have to warn ya that tha fella Ramses ain't much of a talker. Applejack whispred to Princess Celestia.
"I think he will talk once we get to know each other better." Celestia whispered back.
"A-Alright but just go easy on him, the poor fella has been through much." Applejack said while watching Ramses with a sad expression.
"What do you mean has been through much?" Celestia asked.
"Ah think it’lld be better if ya asked him yerself Princess." Applejack replied.
"And I will." Celestia said.
"Are we ready to go?" Ramses asked.
'Luckily he didn’t hear the conversation.' Applejack thought.
'Just what have you been through Human?' Celestia thought.
"My little ponies for now I must bid you farewell, Ramses prepare yourself." Celestia said.
"Prepare for what?" Ramses asked.
"For teleportation. "Celestia said.
"Wait teleportation !? Oh hell no I am not getting teleported! I don’t want to en up in Kino Der Toten or something!" Ramses said.
"*sigh* Very well, I will simply have to get a chariot then." Celestia said.
"And how long will that take?" Ramses asked.
"An hour or two." Celestia replied.
Ramses looked at her nervously before speaking up.
"*sigh* J-Just teleport than." Ramses said defeated.
"Really? Are you sure?" Celestia asked.
"The sooner I can get home e the better." Ramses replied.
"A-Alright just stand still." Celestia said.
Celestia’s horn started to glow, in a matter of seconds everyone in the room had to cover their eyes, or else they might have gone blind. When the light dimmed and they could see clearly again, they saw that there was no Ramses and no Princess Celestia. They could only hope the spell worked correctly.
'I hope he’s not dead….And I hope he’s not being swarmed by guards,. Damn if those fan fictions really are 100 percent accurate, I just hope that Ramses will be in one were the guards aren’t total assholes who just attack someone for the way he looks.' Dave thought
"So what do we do now?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I don’t know." Twilight replied.
"We could give Dave a welcome to Ponyville party! "Pinkie exclaimed.
"NO !" Twilight quickly interrupted.
"Awww why not?" Pinkie asked.
"Because Princess Celestia told us to keep him hidden." Twilight replied.
"And there is the fact that most ponies would freak out if they saw him. No offense Dave." Rarity said.
"None taken I guess." Dave said.
"Well I don't know about you but I still have some clouds to move". Rainbow Dash said while hovering in the air. "Tell me when the big guy returns alright?" Rainbow Dash asked Dave.
"Big guy ? You mean Ramses right?" Dave asked.
"Well are there any other Humans in Equestria than you and Ramses?" Rainbow Dash asked sarcastically.
"I guess not." This is why Rainbow Dash is one of my least favorite characters. Dave thought.
"See ya later!" Rainbow Dash said. She took of with an amazing speed that made the front door burst open.
"Oh my." Fluttershy said while trotting towards the door and closing it.
"Well that sure was fast." Dave said.
"Ah think it'll be better if ah head back to the farm, them apple trees aren't going to buck themselves." Applejack said.
'That sounded wrong on so many levels.' Dave thought.
"Well I'm gonna go back to SugarCube Corner and make you the most super duper delicioustly cupcakes you'll ever eat!" Pinkie exclaimed happily.
In a matter of seconds Pinkie disappeared, and the only thing Dave saw was a pink blur running away from the cottage.
"How?" Dave asked.
"That’s something we asked ourselves many times Dave." Twilight replied.
"I will be returning to the boutique, and I also have to make another spa appointment." Rarity said.
"Yeah sorry about that by the way." Dave said sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head.
"That is quite alright darling, an extraterrestrial introduction surely beats a visit to the spa……Only for once of course." Rarity said.
"If it’s ok with you Fluttershy, I’d like to stay and ask Dave some more questions." Twilight said.
"Oh uhm make yourself at home Twilight." Fluttershy said with a warm smile.
"Thanks Fluttershy, you’re the best." Twilight said while giving her friend a hug.
'Dawww it’s even cuter in real life.' Dave thought.
"Well ah’ll see you girls later then!" Applejack said while walking towards the door.
"Yes I believe it is time for me to leave as well. Rarity said. Rarity looked at Applejack for a moment before speaking up. Applejack would you be so kind to walk with me to the
boutique?" Rarity asked.
"Sure thang Rarity!" Applejack replied.
"Marvelous darling." Rarity said. Rarity eyed Dave with a curious eye before speaking up. "Dave I almost forgot to say but those clothes you are wearing are absolutely hideous! I will come back tomorrow to get your measurements and then I will finally be able to make you some fitting clothes." Rarity said.
"Thanks but you--."
"No I have to!" Rarity cut Dave of.
"A-Alright if it’s what you want then I’m not stopping you." Dave said.
"Thank you kindly. Rarity said while giving Dave a smile. Now shall we get going Applejack?" Rarity asked.
"Lead the way." Applejack replied while gesturing at the door.
Rarity and Applejack said their goodbyes and left, the mood quickly changed from neutral to awkward, Dave and Twilight would just stare at each other while Fluttershy was watching the from a distance.
"So what do you want to ask?" Dave asked.
"What is in that ?" Twilight asked while pointing her hoof at Dave’s backpack.
"Oh that well…..Just sit down and I’ll show you everything that's inside of it." Dave replied.
"O-Okay." Twilight said.
"You wanna see my stuff as well Fluttershy?" Dave asked.
"W-Well….If that’s ok with you…..I guess." Fluttershy replied.
"Aright lest get this over with." Dave said while grabbing his backpack.
"Alright I’m going to tell you some things about the stuff I have with me and why I carry them with me alright?" Dave said.
"Go ahead." Twilight replied eager to see what kind of strange alien devices Dave had brought with him.
"Alright this is a phone, we Humans use it to contact other Humans." Dave said while holding his phone up so that they could see it.
"Why would you use that to communicate?" Twilight asked confused.
"Well we Humans do communicate without our phones, but see it like this: You’re a Human and your best friend is miles away from you. Now you can’t go and shout what you want to say to him right? Dave asked. They both nodded in response. Well that is where our phones come in handy, how it basically works is: You grab your phone; turn it on, put in the number of who you want to call, the other persons hears his phone ringing; he picks up his phone and answers the call as we Humans call it and you basically talk through your phone and your friend who is miles away can hear you as if you were standing right in front of him."
"Wow, and you are 100 percent sure it isn’t magic?" Twilight asked.
"Nope no magic, Juts Human technology." Dave replied.
"And what’s this ?" Twilight said while she levitated the M1911 in front of her face.
"Wow that’s not a toy!" Dave said while he snatched the gun away from Twilight.
"Hey! What was that for?" Twilight asked.
"This " Dave said while pointing at the gun "is a weapon, and a very deadly one." Dave said.
"It doesn’t seem as deadly, It doesn’t even look sharp, it’s nothing like a sword or spear.' Twilight said.
"Oh yeah? Fluttershy is that vase over there very dear to you?" Dave asked.
"N-No I kind of wanted to get rid of it." Fluttershy repled.
"Well then, cover your ears." Dave said.
"Why would we--."
"Just do it." Dave cut Her off.
"O-Okay." Twilight said while putting her hooves in her ears.
"Same goes for you to Fluttershy." Dave said.
"O-Okay." Fluttershy said.
Once they had both covered their ears Dave aimed the gun at the vase and pulled the trigger.
*BANG*
The vase broke into a million pieces. Twilight and Fluttershy looked at the damage such a small thing could do with total fear and shock.
"How?! How did you manage to do that!?" Twilight asked.
"And that was even the weakest gun I’ve got with me." Dave said.
"Your weakest!?" Twilight asked.
"Yep, but I’m not gonna shoot all of my guns, I kind of need the ammo." Dave said.
"Ammo ?" Fluttershy asked.
"*sigh* Alright I’m going to explain you the basics of a gun". Dave said.
"Well first of there--."
*Knock* *Knock*
"Who could that be?" Fluttershy asked while walking towards the door. When she opened the door she saw 2 pegasi solar guards standing outside.
"Uhm c-can I-I help you?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yes ma’am, I think that the Princess has forgotten to take us back to Canterlot." One of the guards said.
"Oh my, please come in. Twilight could you perhaps write another letter to Princess Celestia and tell her that she has forgotten to take her 2 guards with her?" Fluttershy asked.
"Forgot her guards? That’s something I never expected from Princess Celestia". Twilight said while teleporting a paper and quill. She started to write the letter, hoping that Princess Celestia wasn’t too busy with Ramses.
"Wait you two have wings right?" Dave asked.
The guards looked at Dave with shock. A few seconds went by until one of them finally spoke up.
"Yes we have wings, why do you ask?" The guards on the right asked.
"Well cant you just fly back to Canterlot or something?" Dave asked.
"…..Buck." One of the guards said. In a matter of seconds they were of, leaving a very confused Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle, and a less confused and more amused Dave.
"Yes! Own an pony guard ….Check!" Dave said.
"What was that?" Twilight asked while teleporting the letter away.
"Huh oh nothing, but what were we talking about again?" Dave asked.
"The ‘gun ’ remember?" Twilight replied.
"Ah yes the M1911, alright sit down and let me tell you how the magic of this thing works." Dave said.
"Magic? But I thought your world didn’t have magic?" Twilight asked confused.
"It’s a figure of speech." Dave replied.
They both ahaaad in union.
"The M1911 is………"
Ramses POV ten minutes after teleportation,
"Is my stomach still supposed to be hurting this bad?" I asked through the pain.
"Yes, those are apparently the side effects teleportation has on your body. Maybe you should have waited until I got that Royal chariot to pick us up." Celestia replied.
"That would take too much time." I replied.
"Well would you like to sit down?" Celestia asked.
"N-No I’m fine, I’ll just walk it of or something." I replied.
"Are you sure? I mean you don’t look fine." Celestia said.
"Why do you even concern yourself about me?" Ramses asked.
"As the ruler of Equestria it is my duty to protect its inhabitants and visitors." Celestia said while looking at me. "You are a visitor and that means I have to make sure that you will have a pleasant stay in Equestria." Celestia said.
"Well not for long I hope." I said.
"I know you want to go home as soon as possible." Celestia said while giving me a smile. "But I must ask why it is that you insist on going home, are you not even a little excited to be on an alien planet?" Celestia asked.
She was right about that, I am on an alien planet…..But it’s just the one planet I hate the most.
'If you only knew Princess, if you only knew.' I thought.
"It’s just that I have a lot of things to attend to on Earth, and I want to attend to those things as soon as possible." I said.
"Very well, but can it wait for just one day?" Celestia asked.
'Is she pleading for me to stay? *sigh* I REALLY want to go back to Brattleboro but I might as well play the nice guy for now. I wouldn’t want to make another pony cry.' I thought.
"Well…..I guess one day is not that big of a deal." I said.
Celestia’s eyes lit up and she gave me a warm smile. "Thank you so much Ramses! Celestia exclaimed.
"Err your welcome I guess." I replied.
"Sooooooo, what do you want to do now Princess?" I asked.
"Well I was hoping I could ask you some questions about your world." Celestia said. Celestia looked at me before looking at my backpack that hung from my left shoulder.
"And may I ask what’s in your bag?" Celestia asked curiously.
"Some candy, my laptop, phone, etc." I said.
"May I take a look at this ‘phone’ of yours?" Celestia asked.
"Well I guess, but just don’t break it." I replied while grabbing my phon from my backpack.
I held out the phone, Celestia looked at it curiously before levitating it over to her.
"Its just a black box." Celestia said.
"Well if you would have let me turn it on before you grabbed it without my permission, I could have shown you how it really worked." I replied.
Celestia blushed a little before levitating my I-phone back in my hand.
"Now this is a phone." I said while turning my I-phone on. "It is used for communication and entertainment."
"Why would you communicate through this ‘phone‘ ?" Celestia asked.
"Don’t know, I only know we Humans use it to talk to other Humans when they are far away from them, like a vacation or something." I replied.
"Fascinating." Celestia said.
Suddenly a rumble was heard through the room. I blushed a little before speaking up.
"Heh I didn’t eat last night." I said sheepishly.
"I will escort you to the dining room, I haven’t eaten as well." Celestia said.
"I’ve got my own food with me." I said.
"You might have your food with you but I am not going to let you eat it in the throne room." Celestia said.
"*sigh* Fine." I said.
Celestia gave me a smile before grabbing my arm with her hoof (don’t know how the fuck that shit works) and dragging me towards the dining room.
'Wow for a Princess she’s pretty strong.' I thought while Celestia was dragging me towards the dining room.
After a few minutes of dragging and almost dislocating my shoulder; we finally arrived in the dining room. And it was fucking huge! Chandeliers hung on the ceiling, lighting the
entire room in a beautiful aura. There was a big table, probably 7 times bigger than me. There were around 20 chairs and there was this big window. But the view was just amazing,
we were on top of a mountain, introduce the distance I could see the sun shining brightly over the beautiful landscape.
Damn, all those times Dave forced me to watch the show, and I’ve never seen this appear in it. "Hey Princess can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Of course. What is it?" Celestia asked.
"Well." I said while turning my gaze away from the view so I could look her straight in her eyes. "Where are all your guards at?"
"I dismissed a few for the day, they are still around though. Just not in the dining room and in the throne room." Celestia replied.
"And for what reason?" I asked.
"So that we could have a peaceful dinner and discuss the topics I wanted to ask you." Celestia replied.
"You did that in 10 minutes!?" I asked amazed.
"Well being a immortal Princess who controls the sun does have its benefits." Celestia said.
'Wish I could do that when I needed Duck or Billy’s help.' I thought.
"Alright I'm gonna get some food from my back." I said while reaching my hand to the tuna sandwich I had prepared before we left.
I sat down on one of the chairs, the chairs were surprisingly comfortable.
"Why eat your own food when you can eat food that is made by Royal chefs?" Celestia asked confused. While sitting down as well.
"Because you're ponies, meaning you are herbivorours right? Celestia nodded in response. "You see my species is omnivorours, meaning that we eat meat and vegetables." I said
while taking a bite from my tuna sandwich.
"Yes and your point is?" Celestia asked.
"My poiny is that your chefs will probably prepare a meal that is fit for herbivours, like flowers and salads." I explained.
"You can't eat salad?" Celestia asked confused.
"I can eat salad." I said while showing her the salad on my sandwich. "I just can't eat something like flowers or hay."
"Well then I'll just order the chefs to make you some meat instead." Celestia said.
I nearly choked on my sandwich when I heard her say that.
"*Cough* What did you *cough* say?" I asked.
"I said that I will order the chefs to prepare you a meat based meal." Celestia said.
"O-Ok but you're a pony." I said while pointing my finger at her. "Why would you ever consider to have meat in you kitchen?" I asked confused.
"We have griffons, minotaurs and many other carnivorous beings living in Equestria, when one of the royals comes to visit I always let my chefs prepare a carnivorous based meal." Celestia said.
"Great now they have 2 more mythological creatures from Earth living on their planet." I thought.
"Well luckily I prepared this tuna sandwich before we got transported to Equestria." I said.
"You eat fish too? That is good to hear." Celestia said.
"Why is that?" I asked confused.
"I personally think that eating fish is less bad than eating meat." Celestia said.
"Ok' but you said something about a royal dinner?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yes, I shall order the chefs to prepare dinner and--.
Celestia was cut of by a dark blue pony bursting through the door of the dining room.
"SISTER WERE IS THIS HUMAN THOU SPEAKEST OF? WE WOULD LIKE TO FORMALLY INTRODUCE OURSELVES!"
"Aaah Jesus Maliesus! What the fuck was that!?" I asked while checking if my ears were still working correctly.
"That would be my sister Luna."
Great 2 Princesses, from what Dave told me (not that I was listening) Luna was banished to space or something because she became a total bitch. I don't know I wasn't paying attention.
"Hello Luna, may I introduce you to the Human; Ramses." Celestia said.
"HELLO HUMAN WE ARE VERY PLEASED TO MEET THEE!" Luna shouted.
'If I knew I was gonna get ear fucked I would have brought protection.' I thought.
Luna walked up to me before taking a look at my sandwich. (thanks to her I dropped my sandwich on the table.)
"Ah I see the royal chefs have prepared you a sandwich sister." Luna said.
Suddenly my sandwich was covered in a blue aura and levitated towards Luna's mouth. I see thou has already begun eating it sister, but We can see that thou art busy so We will
finish it for thee. in a matter of seconds my sandwich was completely gone, and Luna had just eaten tuna.
*Burp* "Oh excuse Us. Luna said while wiping her mouth with a napkin. "Pray tell sister what was on that sandwich?" Luna asked.
"Lulu you might want to sit down." Celestia said.
"Why?" Luna asked.
"Just do it please." Celestia replied.
"A-Alright sister." Luna sat down next to her sister before speaking up.
"So what was on the sandwich?" Luna asked.
".......Fish." Celestia mumbled.
"Come again?" Luna asked.
"Fish." Celestia said.
"What?" Luna asked.
"FISH! YOU ATE FISH!" Celestia shouted.
Oh crap.
Tales of a brony and a non-brony
Ramses POV,
'Crap.' That was the only thing I could think of when I saw the expression on Luna's face. Her eyes widened in shock and her mouth opening and closing; as if she wanted to say something.
"Lulu are you alright?* Celestia asked.
"W-We ate an animal." Luna said.
"Sister?"
"We ate an anima--.*
Luna couldn't even finish her sentence; her eyes rolled back in her head and she hit the ground with a soft *thump*
I looked at the Princess. Wow , not that was unexpected. I said.
"Oh my." Celestia said shocked.
"Easy there, a little tuna never killed somebody." I said. "Or as my grandma used to tell me: What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger." I replied while chuckling at the end.
Celestia looked at me with a stern expression. "This is not a laughing matter." Celestia snapped at me.
"Yeah whatever." I replied while getting up.
Celestia walked over to her sister and gave her a compassionate look. She tugged Luna with her hoof; trying to wake her up. But to no avail.
I looked at the scene and shook my head. "That's not how you wake someone up." I said while walking over to her and Luna and cleared my throat.
"*ahem* this is how you wake someone up." I inhaled deeply. "WAKE UP! HEY WAKE UP!" I shouted into Luna’s ear.
".........It appears she is still unconscious." Celestia said.
"Really? "I asked confused. I looked down and saw Luna, she was still unconscious. "Well shit."
"I think it would be for the best if we bring her to her chambers." Celestia said.
"Yeah we should.......Wait did you say we ? "I asked.
"Yes, I can't leave you alone inside the throne room, not that I don't trust you; but as co-ruler of this land I have to assure visitors, either Equestrian or alien have a pleasant stay." Celestia replied.
"Couldn't you just get someone to do that for you?" I asked confused.
"Yes but this is a win win-win situation for the both of us." Celestia said.
"How so?" I asked curiously.
"Well you can walk with me while we get my sister to her room, but you'll also get to see more of the castle; plus we can talk about how to get you back to your world." Celestia replied.
"........Deal. I replied. But who's gonna carry her?" I asked.
"I will carry her; it wouldn't be polite of me to let my guest carry my own sibling to her room." Celestia replied.
!Alright, I'll leave my stuff in the throne room; but promise me no one touches it." I said.
"I promise that nopony shall touch you ‘stuff’." Celestia said. "But we need to get going."
"Well I suppose you're right." I said while stretching my arms. "Alright lead the way Princess." I said.
"You can call me Celestia, the ‘Princess’ thing can be left behind." Celestia said.
"Whatever you say." I replied.
Celestia's horn started glowing and suddenly Luna was covered in a golden aura. Luna started levitating; while my mind was still processing the fact that they had magic here in Equestria.
"Shall we get going?" Celestia asked.
"Yeah sure." I replied while walking towards the giant wooden doors. "Wait!" I shouted.
"What is it?" Celestia asked.
"What if some of your guards see me, wouldn't they try to attack me or something?" I asked.
"Do not worry, if my guards would see you walking through the castle alone; then they would probably do such a thing. But since you will be walking with me, they will mostly threaten you at first......And then try to attack you." Celestia replied.
"Well that's a relief I guess." Alright lead the way. I said.
Celestia nodded in response.
The door opened and we walked through it, the door closed behind us and we started our walk towards Luna's room. I have to admit that the castle is bigger than it seems. There were dozens of stairs, a lot of windows, chandeliers that weren't lit; but probably will once it becomes dark. And stairs. SO.MANY.FUCKING.STAIRS.
But it felt good to stretch my legs a little. Back in Brattleboro, I was usually the one who would go into the forest and actually get some exercise, while Dave would just stay inside and watch TV. 'And that’s why you are fatter than me Dave.' I thought while walking up another set of stairs.
I was surprised to actually see some more guards in the castle, but for some odd reason they didn’t saw me or Celestia walking past them.
Eventually after some Dutch swearing about the castle and its many stairs; we finally arrived to what I assumed was Luna‘s bedroom.
"Is this it?" I asked. 'Please for the love tits let this be her room.'
"Yes this is it, I shall bring her inside." Celestia replied.
'Man, that door sure is detailed.' I thought while looking at the door. It had a white crescent moon in the middle along with some stars, it was painted in a dark blue color and it’s doorknobs also appeared to be a mixture of white and blue. 'All that effort just for a door?' I thought.
"I will bring her inside, please wait here. "Celestia said.
I nodded in response. Celestia walked inside and closed the door behind her. 'Reminds me of the time when I had to put my little brother Pim to bed when he was younger……If I ever get my hands on Uncle Ben; he’s not going to get away with a few cuts and bruises.' I thought while my hatred for that one man, the one man who took everything away from me started boiling inside of me. I clenched my fist; my knuckles turning white from rage. 'You were lucky you escaped old man, but know that you're gonna pay for what you did to me.'
"Ramses, I could use your help over here." I heard Celestia say.
"Why?" I asked confused. "Is it really that difficult to put your own sister in bed?"
"It's not the fact that I can't put her into bed; it's the fact that I'm in her bed as well." Celestia replied.
".......Wait what?" I asked confused.
"Ramses, please be a nice alien and help me." Celestia said.
'*sigh* De shit die ik does voor mensen, if in dit geval Prinsessen.' The things I do for people, or in this case: Princesses. I thought while grabbing the doorknob. I twisted the doorknob; I heard a *click*, I pushed the door open and walked inside. I turned around and closed the door behind me and spoke up. So what do you need my help for? I asked.
"With this." Celestia said.
"With what? It's so dark in here that I can't even see my own hands.* I replied.
"Well I can't turn the lights on." Celestia said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because Luna casted a spell that would keep her room dark; until she would undo the spell." Celestia replied.
"Can't you just 'break' the spell or something?" I asked.
"No I cannot." Celestia replied. W"ill you please help me out?"
"*sigh* Alright, let me just get my phone." I replied while digging my hand in my pack pocket. I pulled out my phone and turned it on. Finally some light.
"Would you be so kind to shine some light in my direction?" Celestia asked.
"Well I would love to. "I said while turning my phone around so I could get a better view of what exactly was going on. "But seriously why did you........Why is Luna holding you like you are her teddy bear?" I asked. Yep there was Celestia in Luna's bed. Luna had her front hooves around Celestia's neck , her muzzle buried deep in her back. How did this happen? I asked.
"I was just putting her to bed when I forgot about Mr. Snuggles." Celestia replied.
"Mr. Snuggles ? What the hell is a Mr. Snuggles?" I asked confused.
"Mr. Snuggles is my sisters 'plushy bear' ." Celestia replied. "Could you please get it for me? She usually hides it under her pillow."
"Why do you want me to--."
"Would you please get it?" Celestia asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice.
"Alright alright, jeez." I replied while silently walking towards the bed. 'Jesus! Her bed is like twice my size.' I thought while walking towards the bed. Her bed was a dark blue color; just like the door. The color of the blankets was a mixture of cyan blue and ocean blue, and it had a crescent moon in the middle.
"Please, this is not as pleasant as it looks." Celestia said.
"Fine." I said defeated. I walked towards the bed and carefully lifted up one of the pillows. Jackpot. I whispered while grabbing Mr. Snuggles. I inspected the so called 'teddy bear'. 'Seriously? Mr. Snuggles is a plushy crescent moon?' I thought while taking a better look at it.
"Did you find it?" Celestia asked, eagerly to get out of her sisters grasp.
"Yeah I found it." I replied. "I'm surprised that your sister hasn't woke up yet."
"If there would ever be an earthquake here in Canterlot; she would sleep right through it." Celestia replied. "Would you kindly?"
"Huh? Oh yeah sure." I said while carefully lifting Luna's hoof up. Celestia wiggled her way out of Luna's grasp and carefully stepped out of it. Before I knew it; Luna started to move around in bed, mumbling about Mr. Snuggles.
"Nhgg, Mr. Snuggles." Luna mumbled.
I quickly placed Mr. Snuggles in in one of her hooves, in an instant she wrapped her hooves around the plushy and squeezed it tightly. 'Poor Mr. Snuggles. If he could talk, I could already here him pleading: "Kill me. Kill me." '
"Come, let us go." Celestia said.
"Yeah, let's go." I replied while walking towards the door. I opened the door. "Ladies first." I said while holding the door open for her.
"My, such a gentlecolt." Celestia said with a smile.
I gave her a toothy smile in return. She stepped through the door; I soon followed and closed the door. Well that was fun.
Define fun. Celestia said.
"Well I thought this was just going to be a boring day; but it turned out quite nicely." I said.
"Well we still have a couple of hours before I need to lower the sun." Celestia said. "What would you like to do?"
I shrugged. "I don't know, it's your castle, not mine." I replied.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Celestia asked confused.
"I don't know." I replied. "I mean I am the alien visitor on this planet, wouldn't it be a little strange if I'd be the one who decides what we could do and what not?"
"......Are all you Humans this confusing?" Celestia asked.
I shrugged again. "Don't think so, but Dave did told me I was bat-shit insane once."
"Bat-shit insane ? What does that mean?" Celestia asked curiously.
"Well bat-shit insane is basically saying that someone is real and I mean really crazy." I replied.
"So if I would say something like: My sister is bat-shit insane, it would basically be me saying: My sister is really crazy?" Celestia asked.
"Basically yes." I replied.
"Ramses, you have already taught me something I didn't know." Celestia said with a smile. "That is something that doesn’t occur often."
"You’re welcome." I replied. "Hey! I think I got an idea!" I exclaimed.
"Really? What is it?" Celestia asked curiously.
"How about we go back to the dining room and get something to eat, since your sister decided to eat my sandwich." I said sarcastically.
"That would be a good idea." Celestia replied.
Did she not notice the sarcasm in my voice ? "Lead the way Celestia." I said.
Celestia nodded. Out of nowhere there was a bright light and in a matter of seconds we were back in the throne room.
My stomach suddenly started growling, I grunted and spoke up. "I think I'm gonna throw up." I said while holding my hands to my mouth.
"Oh my." Celestia exclaimed while trotting over to me. "Are you alright? Do you need a bucket?"
"No I'm fine I-I just need to sit down for sec." I said while sitting down on the ground. 'Alright, slow and deep breaths.' I thought.
"Are you sure you are alright?" Celestia asked concerned.
Celestia bend down and carefully put her hoof under my chin. She lifted my head up slightly and spoke up. "Are you certain you don't need a bucket?"
"I'm fine I just *burp*.........Oh shit!"
".....Did you just burped in my face?" Celestia asked while slowly walking backwards with a shocked expression on her face.
'Sweet mother of penis I'm dead.'
"Did you.........Hahahahahaha!"
What?! Why the hell is she laughing? I just burped in her face and she laughs?
"Why are you laughing?" I asked.
"W-Well it's because *giggle* nopony has ever pulled that kind of joke on me." Celestia said while wiping her teary eyes. "Come to think of it, nopony has ever tried to pull a joke on me; except for Luna."
'She thinks I pranked her? Oh sweet mother of god; thank you so much Jesus! Praise the lord!' I mentally shouted. "Yeah that was what I did; a prank." I lied.
"Yes but *sniff* try not to do it again, your breath smells horrible." Celestia said while holding a hoof to her nose.
"I just ate tuna; of course it's going to smell bad." I replied sarcastically.
"Well let's get that horrible smell away then." Celestia said while holding her hoof out. "Come I'll help you up."
I pushed her hoof away and stood up. "Yeah, I could really use a breath mint."
Celestia looked at me, she pouted and gave me an annoyed glare. "Do you really not get the hint?"
"What 'hint'?" I asked confused.
"Is it really that difficult to notice?" Celestia asked with an annoyed tone. "Don't you think it's a little strange that I sent all of my guards away, or that I asked you to help me escort Luna to her chambers, or that I not scolded you for burping in my face?" Celestia asked.
"......You what? I really don’t get what you're getting at." I replied.
"I did all of 'that' so we could get to know each other better." Celestia said while her ears folded backwards. "I may be a Princess, but that doesn't mean I can't get excited over the fact an alien is staying inside my castle. I just wanted to get to know you better and have fun." Celestia said with a sad tone. "Being a Princess isn't as fun as everypony thinks, if you do one thing that's out of line; the entire nation will scold you for it. But not face to face, no they'll just talk about you behind your back."
'Wow, that was defiantly unexpected.'
"All I wanted was to have some fun, I just wanted somepony to see me as me; and not as Princess Celestia; co-ruler of Equestria and raiser of the sun." Celestia said while sitting down on the ground. "I though you could be that pony. I thought you could be m-my......Friend."
She wants me; a guy who's got nothing to offer her, an alien she barely knows to be her friend? Is she joking?
"But I-I guess I was wrong; I'll just go into the castles library and search for a way for you to return home." Celestia said while slowly getting up. She got up and slowly walked towards the door.
'Damnit Ramses!' I mentally scolded myself. 'Why didn’t you see this earlier, it was so obvious! If I were in her position and she would have burped in my face, I would have bitch slapped her until she couldn't even use the word 'bitch' anymore.' I thought while looking at Celestia.
"Celestia wait!" I shouted.
Celestia slowly turned around and spoke up. "What is it?" She asked with a saddened voice.
"I-I." I can't believe I'm doing this . "I'd like to be your friend.....Until I return home." I said with a forced smile.
Celestia looked at me with a dumbfounded expression. She walked up to me, a smile appearing on her face. Her walking became trotting, and her trotting eventually became running. She kept running towards me, still with that wide smile on her face.
'Brace for impact!' I mentally shouted. I brought my arms up and made an 'X' to protect myself from whatever Celestia was planning to do.
Celestia's came running up to me; but before she collided with me she collided she stopped. Celestia was now in front of me, her muzzle inches away from my face.
'Oh fuck me right in the ass; this is not going to end well is it?' I thought while giving Celestia a nervous look and lowering my guard.
"Do you really mean it?" Celestia asked with a hint of joy.
"Uhm......Yes?" I replied unsure of what to say to her.
Celestia looked at me before giving me a wide smile. "You really want to be my friend?"
With every question Celestia asked; I could feel her hot breath on my face. *sniff* 'Do I smell cake?'
I looked at her before nodding. "If it really means that much to you, then yes; I would like to be your friend."
Celestia smiled widely and I could see a twinkle in her eyes. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
"I guess I don't, but could you please back away a little, because if you come any closer I'll have to introduce you to my mo--." ......'Shit, why did I had to bring her up.'
"You’re what?" Celestia asked while backing up.
"N-Nothing it's just, it's nothing really." I lied.
"If you say so." Celestia said.
"But I have to ask." I said while pointing my index finger at her. "You are a Princess; doesn't that mean you have like a gazillion friends?"
"Well Twilight Sparkle is my personal student; but I consider her a friend, I have Luna but she has been having trouble blending in with other ponies ever since she returned from the moon." Celestia said with a sad expression. "So no, technically I don't have a lot of friends."
"Well is there perhaps a Prince in your life? Are you married or something?" I asked out of the blue.
Celestia flinched at my sudden question. She looked at me with an even sadder expression. "I-I--." Was the only thing Celestia could say, she collapsed on the ground and began to cry in her hooves.
Oh shit! Not good! Not good at all! Alright Ramses think; think! Dave prepared you for these kind of situations.....Well not 'this' kind of situation but whatever. Alright what did Dave tell me again....
Flashback.......
"So you wanna know how to impress a girl huh?"
"Yes, but how? I mean I'm not really good with the ladies."
"Well let me give you a situation: Imagine that you see a girl cry, what would you do?"
"Ehm I would comfort her and tell her it's gonna be okay?"
"Nope! You fuck her right in the pussy!"
".........You serious?"
"Nope! I have no idea how to impress girls, why do you think I've been single for the past eight years."
End of flashback
'.......Well that was a waste of brain capacity.' I thought while walking over towards Celestia. "I bend over and spoke up. Hey it's ehm it's gonna be fine, just forget that I asked that."
Celestia looked up at me; her eyes red from all the crying and fresh tears on her muzzle. "N-No it's *sob* fine, I just need some time to *sob* get over it." Celestia said.
'Get over what?'
"Listen I'm your friend now right?" I asked. Celestia slowly nodded in response. "And friends help each other out, so if you ever want to talk about it; just that I'll be *gulp* there for you. I said unsure what to actually say to her."
Celestia looked up at me before speaking up. "Do y-you mean it? Do you really mean it?" Celestia asked while wiping the tears from her eyes.
"Yes I really mean it." I replied while holding my hand out. Celestia looked at my hand and put her hoof in my palm. I gently lifted her up and spoke up. "Now wipe away those tears." I said trying to sound as nice as possible.
Celestia looked at me before smiling. "Thank you."
"You’re welcome." I replied with a smile.
Celestia sniffed a few times and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. "I must have made a complete fool out of myself haven't I?"
"No you didn't, like you said; you are a Princess, but you're still a normal person and you have your flaws. And if none of those other ponies or whatever kind of things live on this planet can't respect that; then in my opinion they're just assholes." I replied. 'Holy shit! I'm like the new Dr Phil!'
"*sniff* Thank you for saying that." Celestia said with a small smile. "I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, I just thought that I was doing the right thing; but I guess I did wrong."
"That's alright, shall we get something?" I asked.
"That would be nice." Celestia replied with a smile. "Shall we go to the dining room? Or would you prefer staying here in the throne room?"
"The dining room would be nice, but could we please walk instead of teleporting?" I asked. Please I do not want to teleport again.
"Of course, shall we?" Celestia asked while opening the doors with her magic.
"Sure." I replied while walking towards the door.
I just hope I don't fuck something up again.
