Chapters Dear Diary,
I am currently being sent out to collect information about a suspicious pony. The only things we know about it is that it's purple, and the pony itself has a lot of power. I have yet to find out who he or she is, but it's pretty important.
I work for Trixie's Spy Service. My assistant is a green blop named Gummy. I really have no idea what it is, but he's really nice. Such good manners blops have. I wish my students were blops. (I mean, they already are. I just wish they acted like them.)
I am boarding a train. I am supposed to get off at the crystal empire; that is where the purple criminal was last time according to Trixie.
Although my sidekick is only a spy, he's very helpful. He knows a lot about the pony we're looking for than anypony else. However, only Trixie can understand him.
I am now on the train. I put on my shades to be secretive so that nopony knows who I am. I pull out a newspaper and begin to read it. But, I'm not really reading it. I am gathering super-cool awesome secret agent information stuff about who and what's on the train. I have a sensor on my watch telling me if the area around me is safe.
However, me and my assistant Gummy are not safe. Somepony has snuck in a bomb- and it's about to go off in less than a minute. I quickly grab Gummy, and I break the window. We jump out and land in the dead grass below. After a few minutes I look up, and I can tell this isn't good.
The train explodes. Ponies are running. Luckily Gummy and I are safe, but I couldn't help but feel bad for the ponies that weren't. I look around. We are in between Canterlot and the Crystal Empire- this land is deserted. Cold, hard, desert land was all I could see around me. Gummy stood up, and began following the train tracks the way we were going in the first place.
I decided to follow the green blop; those things can be pretty smart. We are now walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And walking. And then we stopped.
We are now in front of the Crystal Empire. Now to find a purple pony with a lot of power, I thought to myself.
Suddenly, I hear a scream.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
I run to the situation.
Gummy is biting a purple crystal pony's leg.
"Gummy- I mean, Pie Man! Pie Man! Let go of her!" I yell. Gummy lets go, and we walk over to a bench and have a talk.
"OK, you're code name is Pie Man. I''m Double-O Cheerilee. Now, you're a spy, and I'm a secret agent. So, you collect dat info and I'l make sure Trixie arrests them. OK?" I said.
Gummy shook his head 'yes'.
"OK. Now, let's do this!" I said, pushing my shades back towards my eyes.
We haven't found anypony yet. We are now checking into a fancy hotel near the Crystal Castle. As I unpack, I smell something strange.
I step out into the hallway; the smell is a lot more stronger in there. It smells like a toe. A twinkle toe. I follow the smell down the hallway. Then the smells seems to go down stairs. I am on floor eleven. I can smell the twinkle toe smell down on floor one. So, I go down to floor ten. Then I go down to floor nine. Then I go down to floor eight. Then I go down to floor seven. Then I go down to floor six. Then I go down to floor five. Then I go down to floor four. Then I go down to floor three. Then I go down to floor two. Then I go down to floor one. Then I go down to the basement by accident. Then I go back up to floor one.
A purple pony is walking out of the lobby and into the night of the Crystal Empire. I have a victim. I reach into my pony pocket for my walkie talkie. I tell Gummy that "I have followed a purple pony with a twinkle toe scent down to floor one and she is my first victim. She is making a left on Royals Road near the castle; could you be a backup for me and spy? Perhaps with the both of us, we'll gather a lot of information to prove she's guilt of- wait, why are we going to arrest her?"
I ran back up to my hotel room because Gummy verbally speaks Chinese. But, he can write in my language... whatever this language is.
He wrote down that "We are to capture a purple pony with a lot of power because it is a dangerous threat to Trixie. It has been called many names in the past, like 'unicorn', 'magic', 'L.S.B.F.F.', 'princess', and 'kikolum'."
"Hmm... I have no idea who that is, but it's somepony you and Trixie must know about very well. Here, why don't you go spy, and I'll stay here, observing scientific data. You know, finger hoof prints and stuff." I said. Gummy agreed.
I got busy observing things. To observe, you must look at things, and then write down what they're doing. So, first, I stared at a hoof print. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And I stared. And then I wrote down that it did nothing.
I soon got tired. So I wrote this diary entry. I don't know what tomorrow has in store for me, but I think we have our suspect. Until next time, I'm Double-O Cheerilee. Goodnight.
Dear Diary,
Today was spent walking in a huge circle. Actually, it was spent walking in a huge icosakaihexagon. A icosakaihexagon is a 26 sided polygon. But circle is much easier to say and write, so I'll say that instead of icosakaihexagon.
I didn't get anything from the hoof samples from last night's observations, and Gummy isn't to loud on the walkie talkie. So, today we decided to switch. I am now going to spy on the purple pony. First, I'd have to find her.
But before first, so I guess that zeroed, I'd have to eat breakfast. So I went to a Crystal Cafe. The Crystal Cafe is so shimmery and twinkley. Like twinkle toes. In fact, I began to smell twinkle toes. Yup. Dat pony with twinkle toes is in here. And Imma gonna spy on her.
I ate a crystal thing-a-mick-bop then stalked the pony out of the restaurant. She was purple with straight hair. Always suspect the nerdy type.
I stalked her until she boarded the train. I needed a ticket so I got in line to get one. But the line had 382 ponies in it. I double counted to make sure. So technically it had 764 ponies in line. And then there's me, so if you want to be really technical it's 383 and double that it's 766.
I decided to not wait in line after all. I'd just get on board. I'm a secret agent anyway. It's not like anypony noticed me. Well, except the hot conductor.
"Excuse me, miss?" His hot voice asked me.
"Oh, yes?" I replied, realizing his hotness.
"Do you have a ticket?" His hot eyes looked into my soul.
"Ohh, yeah sure. Hey, wanna date?" I asked.
"Yea- what?" He asked, shaking his head.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah! You're sooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot." I said, slobbering.
"Lady, please don't-"
"I'm not 'lady', I'm 'marefriend Cheerilee'." I corrected.
"J- just get on and sit down." The nervous sounding stallion said. But he still sounded really hot.
"Kay. As long as you'll come sit with me later." I said, bumping him to the side as I walked to my seat. And that's how I get past hot train conductors without my ticket. Not to mention I'm a secret agent & I need to be on this train to spy on the purple pony. Maybe I should spy on the hot stallion?
Anyway, so I saw the purple pony. She appeared to be a unicorn. But no, she had wings. Alicorn? Ooh, this is a special mission for me.
The train pulled into Ponyville. The conductor never sat with me, but I got to bump him again on the way out. He's so hot.
I followed the purple pony princess suspect back to her sparkly tree. It was so sparkly. I followed closely behind her. She did some wacky spell with her horn, and then she ate a peanut butter and jelly. Then, she opened up this big passage way in the wall. It looked like a black hole or something. She stepped in.
I followed, of course. A spy's gotta do what a spy's gotta do.
We soon landed in the Crystal Empire, in the Crystal Castle, in the Royal Crystal Library. The purple pony ran up to a pink alicorn and a white unicorn. "It worked! It worked! Hahaha!" She boasted. I quickly hid behind a bookshelf to avoid being seen.
"Great job, Twiley!" The unicorn stallion said.
"Come on, it's time for lunch." The alicorn added, beginning to walk out of the room.
That purple unicorn has some strange parents. She must have been adopted.
I went back to the hotel to tell Gummy the news. And now I am writing in my diary.
Your number one secret agent,
Double-O Cheerilee
Dear Diary,
So this is what happened when I told Gummy about the purple alicorn and her strange parents. As I told the green blop o' slime about her, he began to dance. I was all like "Sooo, then I saw this really freakin hot stallion" and he was all like dancing, and I was all like "Gummy, aren't you going to listen to me" and he was all like still dancing, and a camel wearing a jet pack just blasted through our hotel wall, and I was all like "Sup, bruh?"
Two Minutes Earlier in Egypt
A camel named Harry Bob Melvin Clark was eating a stick of butter while watching TV. Bob, (we'll call him that for now) saw a commercial on TV starring a camel walking around saying it was Hump Day. Bob realized that this was what he was meant to do as a camel, so he went and bought a jet pack. Then he flew to Saudi Arabia and crashed in to a wall. Then he flew to Zimbabwe and crashed in to a wall. Then he flew to China and crashed in to a wall. Then he flew to New York and crashed in to a wall. Then he flew to Mars and crashed in to a wall. Then he flew to back to Saudi Arabia and crashed in to a wall.
Then he flew to our hotel and crashed in to a wall. And I am writing this down. Until next time, I'm Double-O Cheerilee, and I'll be wondering how a camel even gets a jet pack in the first place.
Dear Diary,
This morning when I woke up I heard a knock at my door. And this morning when I heard a knock on my door I woke up. And this morning when I woke up I heard a knock at my door. And this morning when I heard a knock on my door I woke up. And this morning when I woke up I heard a knock at my door. And this morning when I heard a knock on my door I woke up. And this morning when I woke up I heard a knock at my door. And this morning when I heard a knock on my door I woke up. And this morning when I woke up I heard a knock at my door. And this morning when I heard a knock on my door I woke up. And this morning when I woke up I heard a knock at my door. And this morning when I heard a knock on my door I woke up. And this morning when I woke up I heard a knock at my door. And then I answered it.
It was my super hott farmboy! And he had the purple pony! Yas!
"Feyup." He said.
"Oh, thank you so much! I have no idea what your name is, but I love you sooooooooooooo much!" I said.
"Feyup."
"Is 'Feyup' your name?"
"Nope."
"Oh. Well, anyways, thanks! Now Gummy and I had better get back to Trixie with who she calls "The Kikolum." " I said.
So mission complete! Yay! Until next time, I am Double-O Cheerilee! Yay!
Dear Diary,
Today me and Gummy are going to arrest the purple alicorn for being rude to Trixie for not letting her take over Equestria during their magic duel. The purple alicorn seems very familiar to me. I guess she reminds me of my friend Twilight Sparkle. Oh well.
The stupid purple pony went back to Ponyville. Luckily I packed myself in her suitcase. Her suitcase smells like the color yellow. It also tasted like fossils, and not to mention it smelled like yellow.
When she unpacked it, she didn't notice me. I jumped out and landed in... Apple Jack's room? How does my old-time best friend Apple Jack not notice this horrible criminal is in her bedroom? Maybe the purple pony broke in? Maybe the purple pony broke in, and is going to hurt Apple Jack? I couldn't let that happen, so I pulled out a taser gun and used it on her. Apple Jack was coming up the stairs. I could hear her humming as the sound of creaky stairs became louder. I quickly hid the frozen body underneath Apple Jack's bed.
"Well Howdy Twi- Cheerilee? What are you do'in here?" She asked me.
"Hi, Apple Jack. Hey, do you have any food/ I'm starving!"
"Uh... sure?"
"Great! I'll be downstairs in the kitchen." I trotted downstairs.
Inside of Apple Jack's fridge is like food heaven. She has apple pie, apple fritters, and l a lot more apple things. "Hey! Apple Jack! Mind if I have some of your apple pudding?!" I yelled. (Apple Jack was still upstairs.)
"Nope." A calm, masculine voice said behind me. I turned around. It was a stallion, and he was even hotter than the train conductor from Tuesday!
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, good-look'in! You eez hott! I likey you!" I said, leaning my head on his chest. The stallion looked down at me. He looked confused, maybe even a little scared.
"Sorry, but you are hott! I hope you feel the same way about me..." I said, realizing he might not like me.
Then, he said "Feyup" and hugged me. I kissed him, and then he kissed me, and then we hugged even tighter, and then romantic violins began playing the background. And then he proposed to me, and I said "Feyup" like he did, and then we kissed even more, and then Apple Jack came down.
Stupid orange pony was protective over her older brother. She said to "git off him" but then I used my taser on her. And then after he kissed me I wrote this entry. So tomorrow I will arrest the purple pony, I guess. But until then, I am Double-O Cheerilee, and I am making future plans for me and the hott farmboy that I never learned his name.
