Chapters In the year 2012 the well-known fucking nightmare called the apocolypse seighed the earth. The way it hppened is when a
F**kin the odds
Once i had reached the highway i noticed that the highway was unharmed and unusally clean. I began to pick up speed until i hit 150MPH.(my car was a NAS race car from the 80's to the 90's) while i was racing along i noticed something alive crying on the side of the road and i came to a screaching halt. I took my shotgun(just in case)and got out of my car and went to the the crying creature. As i cocked my gun with a *click-clack* it looked up to me in fear. It WAS alive!it looked like a pony i think. It was cyan blue and had rainbow colored hair that kinda looked like my hair. But my hair was black. As i got closer it started to whimper in fear."Hey,hey its alright, its okay i'm not gonna hurt you."i said trying to calm it down."my name is matt murdock, what's yours."i said with a relaxing smile."m-my n-name is r-rainb-bow dash." it said. I was a little taken back by this. "Wait wait wait,you can TALK!? I said in a paniced tone of voice. 'HOW CAN A MOTHERFUCKING PONY TALK! i thought while panicing."so wait a sec,if you can talk,how would you fly". I asked,curious."Oh that's simple,i'm a pegasus"it said in a girly cheerful yoice,so i guessed that it was female."A pegawhat?" i asked confused."a pegasus." she said."it's a type of pony that can fly as easely as a bird"."and may i ask what the hay are you?"she said."Oh i'm a hum- WHAT THE FAHK IS THAT!?!?!?
Okay,where the hell am i?!?!?!
"Okay soooooo...................WHERE IN THE SAM FAHKING HELL AM AH!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?"i sceamed."One minute,i'm goin back to the bomb shelter at my house to get some medkits for rainbow dash.next minute,i'm inside another country,another world,or possibley a whole nudda mudda fuggin' universe!". I tried not to throw my arms up in frustration."Ooooookay then....so what's your name then human?"Twilight said,confused."Oh my name is peeeewdieeepieee! Nah i'm just kidding my name is matt murdo-"then i heard foot steps coming from the stairs."Twilight what with all the noi-WHAT THE HAY!" it said when in view. It then went to a drawer in the kitchen and pulled out a cleaver. It threw the knife at me,then i went dodge mode."matrix dodge mode bitches!" i said with a lawl"Spike! What do you think you're doing!" Twilight screamed at this "spike"."I was trying to save you to from that THING!!!" spike said frightened by my presence."Hey woah,woah,woah.i'm a human,not a wild animal!"i said.i then over to the wall which the knives where stuck to. I gave the two blade handles a quick tug,and they almost instantly came out. Causing me to stumble backwards a little bit. Once i regained my balance i went to the kitchen and put the blades on the counter. I then checked my own tomahawk . The stab end was snapped off."Hey twi,can i talk to yea for a sec?" i asked."wait,how do you know her name!?!?" spike said." from rainbow dash,and it's a long story how i met rainbow."I said."coming"twilight said. Within a few seconds,she was in the kitchen and making spike go into the living room. I snickered at this,making spike furious."well what do yea wanna talk about?"twilight said,snapping me out of laughing fit."what-oh yea can i barrow a tomahawk?"i said,showing her my busted tomahawk with the pieces in the right places."a toma what?"twilight said,cocking her head to the side."A tomahawk.ya know,a hatchet type weapon made for multiple purposes? I just need a new one because mine probably busted during my time here or on the way here."i explained."oh,no. I don't think i have one of those.but i can have the black-smith make one of those for you. Can you please tell me what the length of it is,and what's it made out of?"twi asked."Oh no,i can't have another person and/or pony fix a tomahawk that i made myself. It's my pride and joy. It helped me out of a big mudda fuggin' horde of zombies,and don't ask me about it. If you want to know,i can tell you later."i said,looking at my Tomahawk. Remembering the times that it helped me through thick an' thin."Oh...well if you want to make a new,what was it called again,a toma-hawk right?well anyway,can you tell me the material it's made out of so that i can get the material for you,and the length so that i can get the mold plate."twilight said,breathing heavely from the long sentence."Well does stainless steel exsist?"i asked."Why yes it does,but it's super rare."twilight said."oh....well i think the spear was exactly 5 inches long."i said."wait how long is five inches?" she asked,curious."well it just so happens that i have a measureing tape right here."i said,showing my tape measure to her."I think we should continue this conversation in the living room." With that said,we were on our way to the living room. When we were in the next room,i heard a conversation going on between spike and dashy."so what were you two talking about?"rainbow asked.We were talking about my tomahawk,which is my hatchet like weapon that i only use when i need it."I said,showing her my busted hand made combat knife."We talked about how he needed a new one because it broke,and i qoute,'it probably busted during my time here and/or on the way here'"twilight said."Oh that reminds me,do you have a garage around here by any chance?"i asked,worried."yeah why?"twilight asked."the machine me and dash came/"returned" in might be an evolutionary advancement in this planet,ya know,a...horseless carraige." i said,causing spike and twilight to gasp in shear surprise."we have to see this type of technoligy!"twilight said and rushed all of us,everyone that is,except rainbow dash. Who has already seen my car.once we were outside,we made sure that no one was anywhere near the library."okay you two this might be kinda be kinda loud,so you might wanna cover your ears."i silently shouted to the two. I did a countdown.3...2...1...go then i turned the key to hear a muscle car starting up.i relaxed a little bit. It felt good to have this thing running again.i was really glad that this thing ran on water instead of gasoline. I revved the engine a couple times so that the engine wouldn't blow. I didn't know why,but i always liked to step on the gas while the car was parked. The fact i didn't know until ten days before the nuke was that it always needed me to do that when i started the car or the engine would blow up.(I was lucky that i fixed the two problems a day before the nuke.) Now the only reason i still rev the engine is because i thought it was fun, and i think it is pretty cool
The first thing that popped in my head when i turned the key was,is anyone going to hear this?.then i noticed a force field that was sound proof and i freaked/relaxed at the same time."hey twilight,can i pull into the garage now?"i asked."sure,just pull into the one on the left okay."she said.and i pulled into the left garage and turned the key again to shut the car off. I opened the door and got out. I proceeded out of the garage and back to the front door of the library. When i got to the front door i was surronded by seven other ponies. Three of them were smaller than the others. The pink pony gasped very loudly and ran away as fast as she could."what the HELL!!?!?!?!?!?" i screamed as the orange pony with freckles on her face grabed a rope from out of fuckin nowhere,tackled me to the ground,and hogtied me."girls! What the hay are you doing!?!?!?!?!"twilight said,more furious then when spike threw the cleaver at me."Ah was trahin' tah save y'all from this here monster." the orange one said."how many fahking times do ah have to say it GOD DAMNIT! I AM A HUMAN!NOT A MUDDA FUCKING MONSTER !! I yelled."And he is NOT dangerous!"twilight added."He can be harmful when he has to be."like when?" the white one said."Like when i'm in some really deep shit!"i said,a little frustrated."my word!such language!"it said.by know i'm guessing that all seven of them are girls."What does dat mean?" The orange one said. It means that if i get in a lot of trouble,and like when i do something wrong. But when something happens to me that is all the more wrong. I can get harmful out of self defense,and sometimes for me and others."i said."so now will you please untie me now? I'm starting to get a cramp."Oh yea.sorry 'bout dat"she said,snapping back to reality. Within minutes i was untied and standing. I started rubbing my neck because of a neck cramp. I cracked my neck by tilting my head to side with the right amount of force and when i heard and felt two snappes i stopped and looked at the group."So what are your names?"i asked."well ah'm applejack"one said."I'm rarity"the white one said."i'm fluttershy." the yellow big one said."ah'm apple bloom"the small yellow one said."Hi i'm sweetie belle." the small white one said."And i'm scootaloo." the dark orange one said."Well it's very nice to meet all of you.my name is mattew murdock.but you can call me matt"."HOLY SHIT RARITY WATCH OUT!"i said while pushing rarity out of the way of a falling piano that came of fucking nowhere. Niether of us were hurt. When i looked back to the piano it was in about ten million fahking pieces,and all of them were mearly the size of friggin toothpicks."You..you saved my life! No one has ever done that to me before. I owe you one.hey i'll make it up to you.how about some new clothes!"Rarity said."Hey you know what,that sounds wonderful! Thats a great idea!" i said, looking down on my shirt. It was covered with zombie blood."Say whah don't y'all tell us how y'all got dat blood on yer shirt before y'all got here?"said applejack."Well if you want to know it's a really long story. Literally, it's a LONG MUDDA FUCKING story. So we might just want to go inside the house to talk about it."i said,motioning them inside. After we were all inside the house and situated,i told them the whole story. From when the nuclear explosion wreaking havoc across earth,to when i met raindow dash sitting on the side of a highway,crying. When everyone heard this line they frantickley searched the room for rainbow dash with their eyes. When all the eyes fell upon the cyan mare she instantly blushed,trying to hide from her friends."Well i for one have never heard about you crying before rainbow."said rarity."i was just scared knowing that i was in some weird looking,horror filled place and i couldn't fly or run or WALK because i had two broken apendiges. I was trapped on a platform that matt called the "highway"." said rainbow. While i whispered "ooooooh burn dashy"i paused."well shit! At least you weren't in town for the nuke blasting. That,i am never fucking doing again! I'm lucky i survived the nuke!"i said with a little frustration." Well ah don't blame yah, ah would be confused too if ah survived a nuke and happened to stumble upon a pony like us. Say,why do you keep talking about a nuke like it's the end of the world?"asked applejack."Because it kind of is! The nuke i'm talking about was the end of my world! God just decidedto keep my planet intact."i said."Plus, if you want to know what nuke is, it is a highly dangerous nuclear combustion in a large container that when either overloaded,which the nuke problem was for me, or make hard contact, would blow up into a mushroom cloud,and depending on how big the bomb was,within a particular radius. That would heat everything up to about one million degrees fairinhiet. And basiclly make everything melt away." i said. When i said these last few words,everypony gasped."well now that,just sounds horrible!"applejack said,a look of horror on her face."well it is! Anyway... Lets continue. Shall me?" with that i continued the story,right about until i met the team."and that it for my story until right now"i said.
Once everyone knew my story i still needed my tomahawk."Hey twilight."i said."yes,matt?"twilight asked."I kinda still need my tomahawk." i said."Oh yeah."she said."Sorry.""Hey how about a joyride around in the car then a ride into town?"i said in excitment.this caused them all to shout"YEAH!" in unison,well.......except for fluttershy. We all piled into the car."This is going to be a little loud,but i can close the windows if you want." i said. Rarity and fluttershy nodded their head to close the windows,the rest didn't." Windows down it is then." i said,grinning. With that,the matallic windows slid down,the ones that didn't were the windsheild and the rear three windows."how about you sit up front rainbow. I know you liked front seat when i put you in the car the first time, well you do have that broken leg and all . Ya know less work and more room,right?"i said picking up rainbow. When i picked her up i could swear i saw her blush a deep red blush. She just smiled a warm smile to me.i got my sunglasses out of the glove box,put them on,took the keys out of my pocket,put the keys in the ignition,and said"you guys ready?"and they all nodded,AGAIN,except for fluttershy. Once i saw that i counted down from three in my head;three,two,one,turn! I turned the key and the monster of a car started up. The roar of a purr helped me relax. I put the gear in reverse and backed out of the garage. When i was fully out of the garage twilight asked me;"hey matt?" "yeah twilight" i asked."well... How fast can a car go?"she said with a little bit of worry in her voice."Oh,well normal cars have a top speed of one hundred twenty Miles Per Hour,but my car isn't normal. My car has a race car engine equipped with a system that allows water,prefuribly dirty water,as it's fuel,and a super chargerPlus this car is able to hit a top speed of over two hundred seventy five MPH." i said,causing dashy to do a quiet fan girl screech."Well i see we have a little speed demon in the car." i said with a chuckle
"God i hope she is alright"i said to myself."yes just follow me!"twilight yelled to me. She ran past me. So i grabbed dashy and sprinted as fast as i could to catch up to her. I started panting so hard i think i tasted blood in my mouth. "TWILIGHT! SLOW DOWN!"i yelled at her. She looked back and saw that i was starting to have blood come out of my mouth. She instantly stopped to help me. She picked up rainbow dash with her magic and i went to a bush to spit out blood so the girls didnt have to see it. "Are you o-okay?" Fluttershy asked,getting scared by seeing the blood. "I-i think so, just...i naver run so fast in my life!"i said, spitting a drop of blood,by accident, onto a squerrel that popped out of the bush i used to cough out 99% of the blood. "Shit, sorry fluttershy"i said flinching at the squerrel." Its okay,i just have to get him to my house and clean him off"she said and with that, she swooped up the little squerrel and flew off toward her house. "Come on lets go! I yelled to twilight,and she started galloped toward our destination. And i found a small skate board with a pair of handlebars. "Why is a skateboard in the middle of the forest?"i asked. I grabbed it, and took the bars off. I put it on the ground and took a couple steps back and sprinted to it, i jumped on it and it started down very quickly and twilight struggeled to keep up. "Mattew! Can you please slow down"she asked panting almost like i was. So i did. I slowed to a stop and stomped the back part. It went flipping into the air,and i caught it. I noticed that rainbow was trying to wiggle her way out of my arms. She also started moaning."She stirring about!"i yelled back to the group. "Tank celestia ah thought she was in that state of mind called a comer or goober or...... Oh it a coma rahght"apple jack said. "Right aj" i said, confident that she wasnt in a coma. She started mumbling sentences like:"But MOmmm i dont want to go to school."(sooooo typical) and then the crazyiest thing happend, she woke up. "Wh..what happened" she mumbled while opening her eyes. "Everythings going to be okay rainbow" i said to her."yeah why wouldn't it be?"she asked,confused. "It is a LONG ass story!"i said to her. "GUYS SHES AWAKE!"i yelled to the group. "Really"asked twilight. "Yep"i said."and isnt that the hospitol right there?"i set down the board and kicked to the hospital like a pro. In no time i got through the front door and at the front counter. The counter clerk looked up and jumped back in suprise."Do you have any god damn doctors open!?"i said,frustrated and tired. "Y-y-es w-we do in room 123." She managed to studder out. Okay,thank you. The others had just gotten through the door when they saw me start walking toward the elevator." Matt!"they yelled. I saw them them and held the door so they could get through the door. They all got in and i let the door close. "So which room are we going to."twilight asked. "Room 123"i said. Rarity gasped."i heard that that room is haunted. "Non sense." Twilight said. "There is no such thi-""now let me stop ya there twilight because there is such a thing as ghost."i said sure that i was being true. We heard a ding,and the door opened. "Lets go"i said when i stepped out. I found the room and opened the door. "Anyone here i asked,entering the room.
All three of us chuckled at the comment. "Come on girls. Lets go, for pinkie's sake!"i said, snatching up the girls. When we got to the car i heard a small groan. "Oh shit.come on pinkie,hang in there!"i said while throwing pieces of one inch metal with impressing strength. When i got to pinkie pie i saw that there was blood coming from her mouth and nose. I also noticed that there was a large cut on her chest. "Holy fuck.GIRLS! WE HAVE TO GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL!!! AND QUICK!"i screamed to the girls. "Ah pony feathers." Applejack managed to choke out. I beat my wings and took off. Oh and did i mention thatmy wings were red and jet black, and my hair was starting to turn into a manlier version of rainbow dash's hairstyle(it actually was a mullet) and my hair turned to red and jet black.i dashed to the hospitol. Forgetting about my compadreis that were probably miles away by now. I got to the window i came from and dashed through it. I got to dashies room and opened the door. Everyone in the room gasped, even the doctor. "Wha-what happened to pinkie?" twilight asked when i gave pinkie to her. "And what happened to your hair?"asked rainbow dash. "What do you mean,what happened to my hair rainbow dash?"i asked. "Look in a mirror."she said while handing me a mirror. I dont see what you me- bwaAah!"i yelled setting the mirror on the table and turning around. Everyone gasped again at the sight of my black and red wings. "Oh nononononononono this cant be happening! First the wings,but now THE FUCKING HAIR!?!?!?!?!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.then this orb of magical energy appears in the room. "Uh twilight? Whats happening?"i asked her. Her eyes went wide. "The transformation of turning a human into a pony."she said. The orb flew towards me. "Oh shi-"i was interuppted by the magical orb consuming me with a white flash of light. When the flashed the others two caught up to me and got in the room. The other five ponies in the room(pinkie doesnt count because she was unconscious)found me on the floor, and again,they all gasped. For i, was an alicorn. Oh my gosh! We need to tell princess celestia about this right away!" Twilight said. With that, she picked me up with her magic and ran off towards her home. When i came to i was on the sofa at twilights house. I got up and found out that i was a pony. I got off the couch and tried to walk. I took a couple steps and tripped over a quilt that was on the floor and fell with a thud. I let out a small "oof". "Oh, you're awake." Twilight said when she was coming down the steps. "Yeah" i said nervously. "So how's the life of an alicorn for yea?" She asked. "An aliwhat?"i asked. "An alicorn. It's a unicorn and pegasus combined." Twilight said in a scientific state. "Oooooooooh."i said. "I'm still getting the hang of walking like a pony." "But i was getting it until i tripped over these damned quilts on the floor.i said with a huff. "Well you better learn soon because the princesses are coming tonight." Twilight said. "Fuck!"i yelled. "Hey whats with all the yelling guys!?!" Spike yelled down to us. "Sorry spike! But me and our guest were having a little conversation."twilight called back up. "Really? Whos our special guest?"spike asked. "Oh you know me spike." I said. "Oh yeah, its you matthew."he said relifed. "Actually my pony name is uh,ummmm" i couldnt make up my mind. But then i heard a small voice in my head saying 'night slayer'. "My new name is night slayer". "Wow thats a nice name." Twilight said.
