Chapters CM Punk: Equestrian Pony Wrestling
CM Punk AKA Phillip Brooks, was not having his day. First he got eliminated at the very end of the Royal Rumble from Kane when he was eliminated. Then lost his chance at going to the main event of Wrestlemania, Left the WWE for that bull shit, and then got fired on his wedding day.
Yeah, life wasn’t going for him at all. In fact, Aj Lee didn’t even show up for the wedding when it happened. Punk’s heart broke, and he lost everything. His job, His ex-wife, his career and his dignity. For he was just left to rot from his girlfriend. Punk did not cry on that day when she left, He didn’t.
“Ok. I might’ve cried a little.” Cm Punk said, sighing sadly.
“But yeah. My life went way downhill when that happened. I tried going to the UFC afterwards, and now I have a match with the ‘Green power ranger’ And I don’t even know if I have the strength to beat him,” Cm punk said, glaring at the floor.
“Now I ain’t a pussy or anything about what happened, Besides it’s just business. And I was supposed to be eliminated, I just didn’t know it was supposed to be at the very end of the Rumble,” CM Punk said, Chuckling.
“And by Kane who I already eliminated at the beginning of the Rumble just to say. And just so everyone knows, no. Seth Rollins was not in that Rumble the longest. It’s just the freaking WWE giving me the Krispen wah treatment if you know what I mean,” CM Punk said, rolling his eyes.
“And that fight with the Green Ranger is going to be happening very soon. But, instead of getting to the UFC for my debut. Something more surprising happened to me instead,” CM Punk said, smiling.
“So, Author. Why don’t you tell them how I got there? And yes, I am dropping a pipe-bomb, so live with it,” CM Punk said, glaring at the readers.
I shall CM Punk. I shall. So, How do we start it with?
“How about with me driving to the UFC arena for one?” CM Punk asked.
All right. We’ll start with that.
So CM Punk was driving down a street in………..shit.
“What’s wrong?” Cm Punk asked.
“I don’t know what street you should drive down because I don’t know nothing about Chicago -_-.
“Well, I do live in Chicago, Illinois. Does that help?” CM punk asked, with a raised eyebrow.
Yeah! That I’ll work! I’ll say you’re driving down a street in Illinois!
“You’re so lucky that you fixed that spelling error,” CM Punk said.
“Now get on with the story!” CM Punk yelled out.
All right! So! CM Punk was driving in his car…..
“There‘s no need for specifics Author!” CM Punk said.
All right! Jeez! Then when he was driving in his car along a street in Illinois Chicago…..
“You know, you didn’t need to say that right?” CM Punk said, Confused.
Shut up! I’m trying to do your story!
Now then, Along the way to his new job at UFC. He was pulled over from a road-block that was in his way.
“Dang it! I’m going to be late!” CM Punk stated.
“Wait. I stated that? Isn’t it I yelled out annoyingly?” CM Punk said, stopping himself.
Do you want me to do your story or not?
“Yes! Keep on going then!” CM Punk said, Smiling and getting back into character.
CM Punk is 37 years old if anyone wanted to know.
“So yes, I know the birds and the bees and all that blah blah bullshit. Now get on with it!” CM Punk stated, impatiently.
All right. So CM Punk knew he was going to be late, and saw the UFC arena right on the other side of the road-block that was in his way.
“Oh, That is just some bullshit right there,” CM Punk said, annoyingly.
“You know, putting in ly for words doesn’t really help that much,” CM Punk stated, smiling.
Just be quiet and let me keep on going man >_<.
“All right,” CM Punk said, shrugging his shoulders.
So CM Punk decided to leave his car and just walk to the arena for the exercise.
“Cause I totally need it.” CM Punk stated, sarcastically.
Just be quiet -_-. Anyways, The next thing that happened would change his life forever.
“Man did it.” CM Punk stated.
CM Punk was walking through the construction area and was surprised he wasn’t caught walking through it yet. But now, he was going to regret wanting to go through this site. Because something was falling right onto him at that moment. CM Punk looked up to see a mountain of huge rocks start to fall onto him.
CM Punk got hit, and fell unconscious under the rubble of rocks. He felt the rocks get iced and then get frozen solid.
“Wait a minute. Were doing it like this?” CM Punk said.
Yes we are. Now live with it.
“Fine.” CM Punk stated, mad.
He was frozen in 2015, and couldn't believe everything he was seeing.
“What? Am I on the hall of fame or something?” CM Punk said, confused.
You kind of were. You were on the *People who were famous and got themselves frozen on accident* fame.
“I’ll take it. Besides, It’s probably better than the hall of fame that WWE and UFC has.” CM Punk said, snickering.
I think you should stop talking, you’re probably making a lot of people confused.
“Sorry! See you in about a couple of decades I guess!” CM Punk stated.
Anyways, with the interruption out of the way. CM Punk saw everything in front of his eyes change. His world changed to a future like world, then a world of where Apes ruled over the Earth somehow.
“Is that a reference?” CM Punk asked.
No. No it’s not. Anyways, next thing he saw was meteors destroying the planet. And the sudden shock of the planet exploding made the ice CM Punk was frozen in fly away from the planet and go into Outer space.
“Dang. This must be some absolute zero ice man.” CM Punk stated, smiling.
Anyways, CM Punk went into orbit of every planet. But flew over everything and went out of the solar system. Out of his universe.
“Are you making me god or something?” CM Punk said, laughing his ass off.
No, Now then. Next thing that happened was CM Punk flew into orbit with a planet that looked like Earth. And he crash landed onto that planet. And the heat around that planet destroyed his ice and CM Punk blinked confusedly.
“So, I guess that just happened.” CM Punk said, chuckling.
“Better make sure I still have my gear on.” CM Punk said.
He looked at his body and thankfully enough, he wasn’t naked and was wearing his clothes. He had his *Cult of Personality* shirt on, and wore his pants gear that he wears to all his wrestling matches. He also had his shoe gear on as well.
He sighed and said, “Thank goodness the ice didn’t destroy the style of my clothes.” smiling.
Then, he went into a forest that he crash-landed in front of. But, if CM Punk stayed instead of going onto a journey. He would’ve noticed behind him that there was life.
But it wasn’t the life he would be expecting for six certain friends just saw CM Punk walk away at that moment.
“What the buck just happened?” A female voice said, confused and surprised.
If CM Punk turned around, he would’ve seen something that would shock him for a very long time.
Ponies. Anthropomorphized Ponies. Colorful Anthropomorphized Ponies. You get it? Good. I’ll see you next chapter bros :).
CM Punk: Equestrian Pony Wrestling
Chapter 2: It was an accident! I swear!
CM Punk walked into the Forest for investigation.
“So I could go find life, If there is any of course,” CM Punk stated.
“Oh hey! Look! A sign! Let’s go read it!” CM Punk said, with his traditional smirk.
“Let’s see……this sign says “Warning! Do not go into the Everfree Forest for it’s really dangerous!” ………...PFFFTTTT I’m fucking CM Punk! I do what I want!” CM Punk casually walked into the Forest and got the greatest day of his life to begin right then and there.
“I regret going into this forest now. ……..Maybe,” CM Punk said, confusing himself.
He looked around and noticed this forest was way darker than he thought it would be. But from all the fighting he had, and his brave spirit, He went onwards with the soldier strut.
“Why the…..never mind. I’m just gonna keep going on with this forest that is so dark for some odd reason,” CM Punk stated.
He noticed something in the shadows, looking at him.
“Now what the heck is that?” CM Punk questioned.
Whatever it was, It jumped out and was in light. CM Punk now felt crazy, for in front of him was a manticore. But not just any manticore. A manticore that looked hungry and wanted to eat CM Punk.
“Well this day just keeps getting better and better doesn’t it?” CM Punk Sarcastically asked.
Before CM Punk could even try, the Manticore flew straight to him and brought him to the ground hard. CM Punk grunted, And used his legs to kick him off. When CM Punk pushed him off, the Manticore gave him a glare.
“Well bring it on then you freakin Dragon wanna-be!” CM Punk taunted.
The fight ensued, and CM Punk dogged quickly and swiftly from the claws of the monster that is a Manticore. When CM Punk found an opening, he used a roundhouse kick and hit the Manticore right in the back of the head.
“Roadhouse,” CM Punk bluntly stated, with a pose.
“*laughs* I always wanted to do that,” CM Punk stated, with a smile and a laugh.
The Manticore shakened off the pain and flew towards CM Punk again.
This time, the Manticore dodged CM Punk’s kicks and started clawing at him harder.
“Woah! I think it’s time for me to get serious here!” CM Punk said.
He used his hands and punched the Manticore right in the face with his taped hand. The Manticore was flown away from CM Punk, and he hit a tree with the back of his head. Which knocked the Manticore unconscious.
“Huh,” CM Punk stated. “I guess that Manticore was either a cub, or not knowing what he was doing when he fought me,” CM Punk said, wondering why it was so easy to beat it.
CM Punk shrugged. “Whatever. I think I’m going to leave this forest and go find life or something,” CM Punk said while walking away from the unconscious Manticore.
When he left the forest, He found a whole new country waiting for him.
He looked around and saw old looking houses, the cobblestone road and much more. In fact, he saw a po- wait what?
“A pony? Walking on two hooves?” Cm Punk asked, confused
CM Punk looked around, and saw more ponies. More colorized ponies. More Colorized pony looking humans. CM Punk felt like he was gonna faint, but he stopped himself before he could.
He walked ahead to see these strange looking ponies, and saw that they all now put their attention on him.
CM Punk froze, and felt completely awkward and didn’t know what to do next.
So, he freaked out and kicked someone a pony in the head by accident.
So all he did was smile and say, “Hi?” hesitantly.
After that, the ponies screamed and started running around like crazy ponies.
CM Punk tried to calm them down. “Wait! I’m not going to hurt you! Stop! It was an accident! I swear!” CM Punk said scared and worried for the ponies.
But, before CM Punk even knew, he felt some kind of pressure in his brain and fell unconscious. Before he did though, the last thing he saw was a purple pony with a horn and 5 other ponies as well.
“Oh…..you…… bitch.” CM Punk said, falling unconscious.
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CM Punk: Equestrian Pony Wrestling
Chapter 3: Fixing things, and introducing each other
CM Punk groaned.
"What hit me and where did the car go?" CM Punk asked.
When he opened his eyes, he saw a white roof. A white bed, and heard beeping.
"Oh. Come on!" Cm Punk stated.
He was in the hospital, from what though? He doesn't know. Being late for a UFC match, being frozen in ice or meeting a new kind of species? He thinks being frozen in ice was the only thing that really didn't make any sense really.
He heard someone unlock the door to his room, and "WHOA WEE MOMMA!" CM Punk stated.
A white pony, on two hooves and locking the door. What really had CM Punk's attention though? Her body. Her ass, her tail, her hair, and that very cur pink hair on the top of her head. If CM Punk was dreaming he didn't want to wake up. If he wasn't though, Then he is going to try so hard to get that ass and probably one of the cutest girls he seen.
What? Me being an only species now, means I have to reproduce with a different species. SCORE! CM Punk thought with a smile.
"Good morning.......Humane," The white pony said, looking at her notepad.
"It's pronounced "Human" Nurse......?" CM Punk said, chuckling.
"Nurse Red heart," Red heart said.
This made Redheart blush in embarrassment, which just made her cuter with those red rosy cheeks.
"Oh! I'm-I'm sorry! It's just...your name for your species is so weird!" Red heart said with an awkward smile.
"It's all right," CM Punk said, Waving it off like nothing.
"Anyways. Let's see how your body is doing," Redheart said, coming over to CM Punk to check on his injuries.
When she said body, CM Punk really hoped she didn't mean poking him with a needle. He really doesn't like needles, doctors, or anything hospital related. But a nurse? FUCK YEAH!
Once she finished going over CM Punk and seeing if he was all better and everything, He asked the pony what happened to him before he came to the hospital.
"So! How did I get to be in this hospital in the first place Nurse Redheart?" CM Punk asked, with a raised eyebrow.
She smiled and said, "When the problem went over of you just being a peaceful guy, you accidentally got hit in the back of the head and fell to a spell. Somehow, this made your body hurt so much, that you got scars. Then, 6 ponies brought you here, and that's how we are here right now," Red Heart summarized.
"Huh," CM Punk stated dumbly.
"Strange. I guess half of that stuff is things I don't even remember," CM Punk said, Thinking.
While he was thinking, Nurse Redheart left. CM Punk was now in his lonesome, But he didn't know it yet.
He went out of his daydream thinking when Red heart came back with some company. Big company in fact. CM Punk had his eyes widen to the max. A HUGE white pony and a blur pony who was like 9 inches shorter then that one came into his room. He freaked out in his mind and there was only one thought going through his mind when looking at these two.
'They must be the royalty of this world. But dang are they tall! What's up with them boobs and stuff man? They are like something out of a fucking cartoon show or something!' CM Punk thought with a laugh.
Before CM Punk could ask, the White pony spoke and told CM Punk something that he was not ready for.
"I am deeply sorry for what my little ponies did to you. I came with them and my sister so we can all apologize to you and introduce ourselves properly," She said with a sweet gentle caring voice.
CM Punk wouldn't be surprised that all the ponies here mistake this pony for just being their other mother or something.
"It's all right. Thanks though, and you are?" CM Punk asked.
She smiled.
"I am Princess Celestia. This is my sister Princess Luna," Celestia said.
The blue one smiled and said, "Thou should feel lucky still standing. Being bucked in the back of the head can give one a really hard headache," Luna said, smiling.
CM Punk rolled his eyes.
They giggled.
"I think it's time for you to meet the Mane six, or the elements of Harmony. Or in your case, the ponies that thought you were evil," Celestia said, with a strange smile.
Then, the door opened. CM Punk doesn't know why, but the more he is here, the more he wonders why everything looks so colorful and cartoonish. He waved it off as still waking up from his concussion, and looked at the six ponies that came into his room.
A purple unicorn (CM Punk knows the mythology. He is just surprised that he is going to have to accept them as real now.) A white unicorn, a blue Pegasus, a yellow Pegasus, a pink weird pony, and a orange normal like pony came inside with apologetic looks on their faces.
"I think introduction is in order?" CM Punk said, smiling.
"All right. My name is CM Punk, But you can call me Phillip. Nice to meet yah," CM Punk said, smiling.
The ponies smiled, and the six ponies walked up.
"My name is Twilight Sparkle. But you can call me Twilight," Twilight the purple unicorn said, smiling.
"Nice to meet you," CM Punk said, nodding his head.
The next one came up, which was the white unicorn.
This one bowed.
"My name is Rarity. It is nice to meet you darling," Rarity the white unicorn said with a posh accent.
'She must like the ones who are gentlemen like and all that,' CM Punk thought.
"Charmed," CM Punk said, playing along.
The white pony smiled and the next one came up by flying.
This one went in his face.
"I have my eye on you. Also, my name is Rainbow Dash. You better not be thinking of anything funny," Rainbow the blue Pegasus said with a glare and a very rash voice.
'Your not my boss. Trust me, if your anything like Triple H I'll just kick you in the face.' CM Punk thought bitterly. (foreshadowing)
"Yeah. Nice to meet you too as well," CM Punk said, butting heads with her.
They glared at each other for a second, then she flew off.
The next one was the yellow Pegasus. Who seemed VERY shy for some odd reason. CM Punk found it funny how shy she was being.
"Um. My name is Fluttershy. It's nice to meet you," The shy quiet yellow pony named Fluttershy said.
"Nice to meet you as well Fluttershy," CM Punk said, smiling.
She walked back to her friends with a small blush.
Then CM Punk saw pink. All pink.
"Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie! Doyoulikecupcakes?Areyouveryevilandmean?DoIhavenospaceswhichmeanstheauthorcanhidea4thwallbreakagebymesayingthatthisisfun??!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! But seriously. Do you like cupcakes?" CM Punk had to rewind just to know what she said.
This Pink pony, is so far CM Punk's favorite. Pinkie Pie. Nice name.
"I do like cupcakes. And I am not evil."Cm Punk said, answering her questions.
The pink pony smiled and hugged CM Punk out of the blue. She did it so quick, CM Punk wasn't even expecting it.
After that, the last one. The normal-est one CM Punk has seen so far, with the biggest bust he's seen. Came up and took her hat off.
"Hey thar. Mah name is Applejack. I would like to apologize for bucking you in the back of your head."The orange bulky pretty cute Applejack pony girl said.
"It's all right. I took something like that kick before. It's nothing new. Nice to meet you." CM Punk said, laughing.
She went back to her friends and now CM Punk didn't know what to do. What next?
"Maybe we can know you more CM Punk?" Twilight asked nicely.
"Sure. Ask me questions. But I will say That I won't answer certain ones because I have my secrets and reasons like you have yours. So ask away." CM Punk said, waving his hand to emphasize that he wants Twilight to hurry up.
Twilight smiled, and got a notebook and pen ready in her magic grip.
'Gonna have to get used to seeing that.' CM Punk thought, chuckling.
CM Punk smiled and waited for the questions to come.
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CM Punk: Equestrian Pony Wrestling
Chapter 4: Questions, Answers and a new industry named EPW
CM Punk wished he did not accept this interrogation. This was probably his most worst decision ever. For Twilight was the most curious and most annoying girl he ever met. She kept asking questions, and CM Punk answered them. All of them.
CM Punk groaned irritatedly.
"How old are you?" What's your job?" Do you have family?" Are you lonely?" How did you get here?" "Are you single?" "Do you hate shemares? "Are you gay?" What do you do in your life?" 'How do humans live?" What are humans like?" There were many more, but CM Punk blocked them out of his head.
He tried his best answering them all. But one question really piqued his interest and curiosity.
"34, A wrestler, no I don't have a family anymore, I don't feel lonely, I got here by being frozen in ice and flying in space, I am single, I find that funny, I am never gay, I fight or go out on jogs, humans live like they usually do I don't care, Humans are assholes and completely strange guys. Wait a minute.....What?" CM Punk ended the rant by answering the questions.
'Shemares? What does she mean by that?' CM Punk thought. He has heard a word familiar to that, but he was always a skeptic. So he didn't answer that question ad just laughed about it.
"Shemales and shemares aren't real. They are just a fantasy for some weird ass guy who likes to be.......fucked.' CM Punk though disgustingly.
When the questions (Or interrogation CM Punk thought as a final say) were done. CM Punk got up from his hospital bed and stretched.
"Ahhh! I needed that." CM Punk said, relivingly.
He noticed that the hind legged mares were around his height. But he was just a bit smaller. What really irked him was the princesses heights were right at the roof the this building. CM Punk rolled his eyes and then asked the question he's been wanting to ask.
"Do you girls know what wrestling means?" CM Punk asked.
Then he heard a *POOF* behind him and heard all the girls groan.
"Did someone say "Wrestle"?" A strange man voice said behind him.
When CM Punk turned around, he saw something a child would have nightmares for weeks. A dragon of some sort. With a claw, a lion claw, a tail, strange feet, antlers, yellow red eyes, and all around weird. What made it really weird was that it was smiling.
"Discord. EPW is only for professional pony wrestlers. I think this guy isn't even one at all." Celestia said disgruntedly.
Discord smiled.
"Then we can train him with the basics!" Discord said, pleadingly.
CM Punk then felt confused.
"What's EPW?" He asked.
Discord smiled and replied, "It's Equestrian Pony Wrestling! It's for ponies who know wrestling or have the cutie mark that fight in front of a crowd for money and to become a champion!" He said.
'It sounds like WWE......But what if it's better?' CM Punk thought.
If EPW was anything like WWE, then the promos sucked, and they always needed that one certain wrestler to always win. There would always be that one face or heel that always wins and kicks ass.
'I wonder if there is a wrestler on there with a streak?" CM Punk thought.
"What are the things?" CM Punk asked.
"Which one. The PPVS? The actual shows?" Discord asked, happy.
"All of them." CM Punk said, ending the discussion so this can end.
Discord Eeed.....somehow, and the girls groaned.
"I am so happy to hear that! Come with me!" Discord took hold of CM Punk's arm and teleported to an unknown area.
"Welcome to........EPW!" Discord emphasized by putting his hands on the arena.
CM Punk looked and was really surprised of how it looked.
"Wow." CM Punk marveled.
Right there, right in front of him was the arena for Raw. That's when he noticed the workers. They were all the same ponies....but some of them looked so familiar.
He saw one that really piqued his interest.
"No way." CM Punk said skeptically.
He ran over to the pony he saw, and Couldn't believe who it was.
"John Cena?" CM Punk said, shocked.
To be continued.....
