Chapters The Clown Prince of Equestria
Several hours later, we find Joker putting the finishing touches on his gift to the Mane 6, which looked like a big purple gift box with a big green bow.
"And that should just about do it! They're just gonna love the punchline! Especially if the greedy Miss Belle opens it before opening reading the note," muttered Joker, before giving a small laugh.
His deed done, Joker stood up, streched himself out, and climbed out a nearby window, just as Applejack, Pinkie, and Fluttershy entered the library, followed swiftly by Tom the boulder crashing through the wall, being pushed by the ever-irratated Twilight Sparkle.
"Really, Twilight, you need to be more careful with my darling Tom! You'll ruin his sparkling finish!" Rarity snapped as she entered the library, wiping off Tom as she passed him.
Fluttershy, meanwhile, had filled up a bucket of water, which she then proceeded to dump on the unconcious Spike, jolting him awake.
"WAH! CRAZY CLOWNS ARE ATTACKING!" yelled Spike in fright. After looking around for a moment, Spike realized two things. One: there was a big present sitting in the middle of the library. And two: he was soaking wet and what seemed to be a gray Fluttershy was the culprit.
"Fluttershy, what did you do that for?" asked Spike.
"Because you just looked SO peaceful!" snapped Fluttershy, before flying off to refill her bucket.
Spike ran over to Twilight, who seemed to be the only normal and colorful one of the group. "Twilight, what's going on? Why is everyone so gray? And where in the wide, wide world of Equestria did that present come from?" he asked the highly annoyed unicorn.
"No time to explain, I need you to- wait, present? What present?" asked Twilight.
Spike pointed at the big purple box sitting in the center of the room. Twilight could almost smell the dubiousness of this seemingly harmless present as she walked up to it.
"'To: The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, From: Mr. J,'" read Twilight just before she was shoved out of the way by Rarity.
"Gimmie that present!" said Rarity, yanking the top off of the box, only to get punched in the face by a large boxing glove on a spring and sent sprawling to the ground amongst cruel laughter from Applejack and Pinkie.
Twilight and Spike however, were a bit more concerned with the present, and who had left it there.
"Spike, you wouldn't happen to know a 'Mr. J,' would you?" Twilight asked the dragon.
"Nope, do you?" asked Spike.
"Nope," said Twilight, examining the box as she spoke. When she looked inside of it, she let out a gasp of shock.
"What is it?" said Spike.
Twilight reached into the box and pulled out a brown leather book with the picture of a golden unicorn on it.
"It's the reference guide to the Elements of Harmony... but, how did it get in here? And more importantly, WHY is it in here?" asked Twilight.
Spike merely shrugged. Fluttershy, meanwhile, had returned with a fresh bucket of water.
"Hey, Twilight, what's soaking wet and clueless?" Fluttershy asked the purple unicorn sorceress, before she dumped the bucket of water on Twilight's head and yanking the reference guide out of her hands. "Your face!"
"Fluttershy! Give me back that book!" yelled Twilight.
With a wicked gleam in her eyes, Fluttershy yelled, "KEEP AWAY!" and tossed the book to Pinkie Pie, who then tossed it to Applejack.
...
Meanwhile, Joker had taken it upon himself to explore the Chaos Capital of The World that had once been Ponyville. So far, he was having a TERRIBLE time. He'd been nearly trampled by ridiculously tall rabbits, stampeded upon by buffalo in tutus, and his outfit had been splattered by pies falling from the sky. In the plus column, though, he was able to get ahold of some free chocolate milk and cotton candy, which he was happily munching on... well, at least until he slipped on a banana peel and dropped everything.
"Oh, son of a bitch!" cursed Joker in anger. "And here I thought this whole Chaos Capital of The World thing might actually be a little fun, with all the cotton candy and chocolate milk."
Nearby, a voice chuckled. "Oh, my, I wasn't expecting a tourist to pass through my Chaos Capital, much less a Displaced."
Joker sat up and looked around. He knew that voice anywhere... and found it very difficult not to go full-on fanboy on him. "Where are you, Discord?" he said.
"Why, I'm right here, of course," said Discord, who appeared in a flash of light in front of Joker. "So, tell me, who exactly did that merchant turn you into?"
Joker frowned as much as his face would allow. "How do you know about the merchant?" he asked Discord, who laughed.
"As a master of chaos, I pride myself on knowing the dealings of other troublemakers. In particular, the very merchant who arranged your transformation and arrival here in Equestria," said Discord.
Before Joker could say anything else, an alarm suddenly appeared, ringing loudly. "Oh, will you look at that! It seems those girls have found the Elements of Harmony! Sorry, pal, gotta run!" said Discord, before disappearing in a flash of light.
Joker stood up and brushed himself off. If he recalled correctly, then the Elements of Harmony were about to fail miserably at stopping Discord... and THAT would be quite the show.
...
And he was right.
As Joker watched from the shadows, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Spike tried to harness the power of the Elements of Harmony in an attempt to imprison Discord within stone once again, the Earth seemed to shake... before the Elements' glow abruptly faded, and the Elements fell flat on their faces.
"What's going on?" asked Twilight, confused and worried.
"Mah Element's workin' just fine. There must be somethin' wrong with yours," said Applejack.
"I hate the Elements of Harmony!" snapped Pinkie Pie.
Fluttershy then removed her Element of Kindness and tossed it over her shoulder. "Garbage!" she said.
No sooner had Fluttershy's Element had hit the ground than did Rarity dive for it with a scream of, "MINE!"
Knowing a lost cause when he saw one, Spike removed the Element of Loyalty, placed it on the ground, and began to slowly back away. "Well, that didn't work. I'd better get inside the library and clean up in there," he said before he broke into a run. "Good luck with all th- OOF!" Spike said as he tripped over Fluttershy's tail.
"Whoopsie! Sorry, 'Rainbow Crash,'" snickered Fluttershy as Spike picked himself up and ran back to the library.
Discord, meanwhile, was applauding. " Bravo, ponies! Bravo! Harmony in Equestria is now officially dead! Discord now rules over all! I've beaten Celestia!" he said, laughing as he ice skated away on the soap roads.
"Welp, Ah'd better get outta here! Ah got new, BETTER friends waitin' fer me at the farm," said Applejack.
"Me too!" said the other three grayscale ponies, before they each went their separate ways.
Twilight growled in frustration. "Fine! Go! With friends like you, who needs..." said Twilight before she gave a heavy sigh. "...enemies."
On the word "enemies," Twilight Sparkle turned the same shade of gray that her former friends had been. A gloomy and depressed look on her face, and a cotton candy cloud pouring chocolate milk rain over her head, Twilight shuffled off through the chaotic landscape, all while Joker watched.
"Now, that, Discord, is NOT funny," Joker muttered under his breath.
The Clown Prince of Equestria
A short time later, Joker stood outside the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres, ready to meet the corrupted Applejack, but not before he took a little look around at the chaotic orchard. Apples were at least five times their natural size, and were all sorts of colors that apples shouldn't be, such as midnight purple, jet black, chalk white, and bubblegum pink, and the pigs had grown wings and were flying like aerial aces.
But, even that was nothing compared to how the Apple family themselves were acting. Big Macintosh, who was usually a strong and sturdy red stallion with an orange mane and tail wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt, a red-and-white long-sleeved shirt, and work boots, was instead the same shade of gray as his sister, and moreover was digging his way through the farm like some sort of mole, or perhaps a dog, judging by the way he was panting for breath every time his head popped up.
Not far away from Big Mac, Granny Smith, who was an elderly, usually mint green pony with a white mane and tail wearing a thick brown wool dress, long white socks, and black buckle shoes, and a bonnet, and could usually be found napping in her rocking chair. Today, however, she was gray and tap dancing with a cane in her hands.
Not far from her was Apple Bloom, who was normally a cream yellow filly with a blood red mane and tail wearing a green shirt, blue jeans, and cowboy boots, was also gray and apparently thought she was fighting in a battle of some kind, judging by the way she was using sticks as rifles and rocks as grenades.
And finally, there was Applejack herself, who was leaning up against an overturned wheelbarrow, telling, as far as Joker could tell, no one in particular about how she and she alone stood up to Discord.
Joker walked up to the lying Applejack. "Good day, miss! I was hoping to see if I could play a little music for you and your family, you know, to help put a smile on your faces in the midst of all of this craziness... do you have any record players I could borrow?" he asked.
"No! We absolutely do not have any need whatsoever to listen to any music by some clown! Also, we do not have any record players, especially not in the barn, up in the rafters. Now, then, if'n you'll excuse me, Ah've got chores to do, so take a hike!" said Applejack, before she promptly took a nap.
"Thank you, Miss Applejack," said Joker, before he made his way directly towards the barn.
...
A short time later, Twilight Sparkle, who was once again her usual colors, was making her way towards Sweet Apple Acres, determined to fight for her and Applejack's friendship. When she made it to the front gates, however, a strange sight met her there.
"Take me on down to Equestria. Never alone in Equestria. Already ruled, its gonna be wild, and the ponies make me smile. Joke's on you, Discord, 'cause I'm in Ponyville, so look who's laughing now!" The strange figure said as he sang into a microphone that he'd pulled out of nowhere while a record player played an upbeat jazzy tune. "At Comic Con... I bought a snow globe. So pretty! That was the night I became a clown, and I'm gonna clown around, so look who's laughing now! The Crusader's fighting in the war, and I'm laughing! The stallion is digging and I can't stop laughing, the Granny's gone senile and I can't stop laughing, I DON'T BELONG HERE AND I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?! Now I'm one of you!"
Twilight frowned at this strange figure's appearance. He appeared to be a humanoid in shape, and seemed to be wearing clown make up, complete with green hair and a ruby red smile that stretched far past his actual lips. This being also seemed to be wearing a dark purple leather overcoat, a white polo shirt, a green vest, black jeans with a black leather belt, black dress shoes. and black leather gloves. Being ever the curious, Twilight approached the clown as he kept singing, and noticed he didn't seem to have a tail, although he certainly had a lovely singing voice.
"With everything that's happened, one might've hurled, 'cause now I'm part of this world... the world's gone crazy and I'm laughing! HA! Poor Spike's got a tummyache and I can't stop laughing! Applejack's parents are dead and I can't stop laughing!"
"OKAY, NO!" Twilight shouted at that last phrase and aimed a magic bolt right at him and blasted him dead on.
The being went flying backwards into the nearby barn, before landing on the ground in front of the stables. As Twilight advanced on him in anger, the being smiled and asked, "What, no encore, Twilight? I totally had at least two other songs planned!"
Twilight stopped in her tracks when she heard her name. "How do you know my name?" she demanded.
"Oh, I know lots of things, Miss Sparkle... but, there's always something new to learn. For example, does your homeowner's insurance policy for that treehouse you call home cover complete and utter destruction?" the clown asked.
Twilight, who was liking this clown less and less, narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "What are you talking about?"
"Shuuush... spoilers, " whispered the clown, placing a finger to his lips and giggling a little.
"Yeah well.... you shouldn't be rude to my friend's family like that! If her parents are dead then you're being highly insensitive." said Twilight with disappointment in her voice.
"Oh, so now you're focusing on lecturing me? Funny, I thought you were trying to stop Discord from turning this quaint little town into the Chaos Capital of the World. Or, is lecturing a clown more important? Speaking of which, if you're looking for your former friend, she's just around the back, lying her mouth off about how she took on Discord all by her lonesome. Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe I'm going to find another venue with ponies who actually ENJOY music."Perhaps some sweet chin music, the clown finished in his mind.
And with that, the strange clown picked himself up, brushed past Twilight, and towards the door before Twilight called out to him.
"Hold on a minute... just who the hay are you?"
"Who I am... IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! TOODLES!" said the clown, laughing like a hyena as he ran off.
Twilight could only stand there as the clown ran off. Thank Faust he's only a product of Discord's chaos... I hope. I don't know if Equestria would survive if he actually existed, thought Twilight. And speaking of Equestria not surviving, I'd better get back to rounding up the girls so we can stop Discord.
...
"YO, JIGSAW PUZZLE! DOWN HERE!" The Joker yelled as he threw a pie at Discord, which smacked him right in the face as he sat on a throne, drinking a chocolate milk of glass.
"What in the-"
"You didn't really think I'd let you stay out of your stone prison, right?! Besides, I got a thing or two tah teach you!" Joker yelled again causing Discord to chuckle.
"Perhaps we haven't been introduced, human. My name is Discord and... what could you possibly teach me?"
"Oh, Discord, there's always something new to learn. How about we start with 'Getting-Your-Ass-Kicked 101!'" snarled Joker, putting up his dukes and bouncing on his heels like a boxer. Discord looked at the clown and laughed.
"You truly believe you can defeat me?! Don't make me laugh! However, I'm willing to indulge in your hopeless little fantasy," said Discord, snapping his fingers.
In between the two tricksters grew a boxing ring, which both Joker and Discord entered just as a second Discord, dressed as a ring announcer, appeared.
BVGM: A Powerful Enemy Emerges-Super Paper Mario
"Fillies and Gentlecolts, boys and girls of all ages, and the cult followers this story has already acquired with a mere two chapters... LET'S GET READY TO TAAAAAAANGOOOOO!" the announcer Discord yelled into a microphone that was hanging from the sky.
"Oh, this is going to be fun."
...
BVGM: Megaleg Battle-Super Mario Galaxy 1
"THIS IS NOT FUN!" Joker yelled as he ran away from an army of Discords in tanks, the leader of which had the real Discord on top wearing a goofy military commander's uniform and brandishing a sword.
"DRIVE ME CLOSER! I WISH TO HIT HIM WITH MY SWORD!"
"Yes, sir!" said the Discord driving the tank, who then accelerated.
"WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!" yelled Joker as he raced past what he realized a split-second later was the Mane 6, all of whom were back to normal and wearing their Elements of Harmony, before he ran face first into a flying lamp post, knocking him out cold.
"Who the heck was that guy?" asked Rainbow Dash, who was a cyan blue anthro pegasus with a rainbow-patterned mane and tail wearing a dark blue short-sleeved jacket, a white t-shirt with the picture of a cloud and a rainbow-colored lightning bolt, blue jeans, and magenta-and-white sneakers with the same logo as her shirt on them.
Pinkie Pie skipped over to where the clown had been knocked out. "He's a clown!" she reported to her friends, although, in her head she added, A very handsome clown... wonder what he looks like without that makeup?
Twilight recognized the clown and felt a small surge of anger. "He's not a very nice clown, I'll say that much," she said.
"Aw, come on, Twilight! ALL clowns are nice! Their sole reason for existing is to bring cheer and laughter to the otherwise down and gloomy masses!" said Pinkie.
"You didn't hear what he sang about Applejack's parents, Pinkie," Twilight said sternly.
Applejack entered the conversation. "What's that about mah Ma an' Pa?" she asked as Fluttershy attempted to speak up.
"Um, girls-"
"He said that he couldn't stop laughing because they were dead," said Twilight.
Rarity, Rainbow, and Pinkie did a sharp intake of breath. Twilight was right, that definitely was not funny at all. Applejack, meanwhile, wasn't concerned with the humor of this clown's words, but rather, the words themselves... it just didn't make sense... how could this clown, who she'd never met until today, possibly know her deepest, darkest, secret? A secret she'd buried deep inside her memories, only to resurface in her nightmares and darkest moments? A secret she hadn't even told her five closest friends in the world?
A secret she hadn't even told her own baby sister?
Applejack could practically feel the raindrops on her fur again as the scene began to play again in her mind-
"GIRLS!"
Fluttershy's yell caused Applejack's mind to snap back to the present. "Huh? Whuh? What's going on?" asked Applejack as she looked wildly around and Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Rarity looked at Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy, what's wrong?" asked Twilight.
"Perhaps I'M what's wrong, ladies," said an all-too-familiar voice.
They all turned to see Discord smiling wickedly at them, his eyes wandering down towards their Elements. "Well, now I see you've decided to try again with the whole 'Blast-Him-With-The-Elements' thing... very well, I suppose I could humor you with one more try. But, you'd better make it quick. Because of that irritating clown, I've missed all sorts of wonderful chaos," he grumbled.
"Okay, just remember, you asked for it! Ladies! Formation!" said Twilight.
On the purple unicorn's command, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Applejack assumed the same formation they'd used earlier against Discord. Just as before, the six Elements of Harmony glowed with a bright light as the Mane 6 were lifted into the air, their eyes closed.
Discord didn't really seem all that concerned about this. At least, not until the Elements began to emit waves of magical energy, followed swiftly by small energy discharges. "What's this?" he said, raising an eyebrow.
A rainbow began to flow out of Twilight Sparkle's tiara jewel, which began to connect to all the other Elements. At the sight of the rainbow, fear crept its way into Discord's eyes. "No... no, no, no, no, no," he said.
Twilight's eyes flew open, revealing nothing but a pure white glow of energy, and in that same moment, a huge rainbow-colored blast nailed Discord, who slowly began to turn to stone as he screamed.
Within moments, the petrified Discord fell over with a thud. In that same instant, a bright flash of light eminated from Ponyville, and perhaps all over Equestria, as the twisted and chaotic landscape returned to its original state with lush green hills, cobalt blue lakes, and so on.
"Well, that's the end of Discord," said Twilight as she and her exhausted friends floated gently to the ground.
"Great! Now we can take care of the clown guy!" said Pinkie.
"Pinkie, that clown wasn't rea- uh-oh," said Twilight, turning around to find that the mysterious clown was still lying on the ground, unconcious and bleeding from the gash that running into the lamp post while Pinkie Pie attempted to pick him up.
"Are you girls just going to stand there, or are you going to help me get him back to my place?" asked Pinkie.
As Rarity, Rainbow, Applejack, and Fluttershy moved to help Pinkie, Twilight gave a sigh.
She had a funny feeling that Equestria was in for a long and bumpy ride.
The Clown Prince of Equestria
Joker groaned as he began to see the red-ish glow of a light through his eyelids. He also felt what was unmistakably an adhesive bandage on a wound on his head. He knew it was a wound because he could also feel a bit of dried blood underneath the bandage.
Maybe everything that had happened yesterday, or however long he'd been unconcious for had been some kind of highly realistic dream... after all, there was no such person as the Clown Prince of Crime, right? There wasn't actually a Joker, was there? He was merely a comic book character, one of the first to ever truly be a mainstay villain, right?
So, when he opened his eyes, he expected to see either a hospital room or his bedroom.
Instead, he saw that he appeared to be lying down on a bed in someone's house. As he sat up and looked around, he noticed that his coat had been hung up and his items had been placed on a bedside table, including-
"The snow globe," whispered Joker, carefully reaching for the snow globe... only for absolutely nothing to happen when grabbed it. Examining it, he saw that there was a music box crank on the bottom. Deciding that he'd look at it later, Joker took a look at his surroundings, noting that there were various party supplies and various cookbooks stowed away on shelves in the room. That gave him a pretty good idea of who's house he was in.
Sure enough, Pinkie Pie's head poked through the door. "Oh, you're finally up, Mr. Sleepyhead!" she said as she entered the room, a wide grin on her face. "My name's Pinkie Pie! Do you like parties? What's your favorite kind of ice cream? Mine's banana brickle! I gotta say, I don't think I've seen you around before-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Pinkie, cool your jets. I just woke up, you know, and my head is killing me," said Joker, holding his head.
"Oh... sorry," said Pinkie, who began to look a little down.
Joker, seeing that he may have hurt Pinkie's feelings, decided to try to cheer her up. "Hey, don't be down, Pinkie. If it's one thing I cannot stand it's someone with a frown on their face. So, come on and smile," he said.
Pinkie gave a small smile.
"Oh, come on, Pinkie, I think we can do a little better than that... would it help if I said I was sorry for snapping at you and told you a joke?" asked Joker.
"Maybe a little..." said Pinkie.
"Well, I'm sorry for snapping at you. And now for the joke: a pony walked into a bar and said 'Ow,'" said Joker.
Pinkie Pie tilted her head in confusion. "Huh?" she said.
"A pony walked into a bar, as in, a metal pole, and said 'Ow,'" explained Joker.
"Oh... hee hee! That actually is pretty funny," said Pinkie, giggling a little bit.
Joker smiled. "I knew I could get you laughing," he said. "After all, you are my favorite Element of Harmony."
"What do you mean, 'your favorite Element of Harmony?' And how do you know my name? Have you been following us? Who else has been following us? WHO IS IN YOUR RING OF SPIES?!" yelled Pinkie, grabbing Joker by his vest and shaking him.
"Hey, easy, Pinkie, my dear. There's a whole toy company following you, making a mint off of your adventures, recording every single detail of them, I might add, all while selling everything from toys to lunchboxes... although, you girls do seem to be a bit more bipedal than I remember... weird Anyways, I'd advise against telling your friends about it. They might think you've gone crazier than usual!" said Joker with a laugh.
"Hee! You're funny! Say, I almost forgot to ask... what's your name?" asked Pinkie.
"My name... is Joker."
"Joker? You mean, like the playing card?" asked Pinkie.
"Yep," said Joker.
"That is... THE MOST EPICALLY FUNERIFIC AWESOME POSSUM SUPER-COOL NAME EVER!" squealed Pinkie. "Wait right there, I've got something to show you!"
With that, Pinkie Pie zoomed downstairs, leaving Joker to wonder just what she was up to. Not even a minute had passed, however, before she was back with a familiar-looking wagon.
Uh-oh, it's the Welcome Wagon... my clothes will be ruined! Oh, well, sounds like an excuse to go meet Rarity! thought Joker as Pinkie Pie turned on her wagon and began her welcome song.
"Welcome welcome welcome! A fine welcome to you! Welcome welcome welcome! I say how do you do? Welcome welcome welcome! I say hip hip hurray! Welcome welcome welcome to Ponyville today!" sang Pinkie. "Wait for it..."
Just as Joker anticipated, when the song came to an end, out of the Welcome Wagon's oven came a blast of confetti, and out of the confetti cannons came globs of cake batter, covering the room, Joker, and Pinkie.
"Whoops! I guess I put the confetti in the oven and the cake batter in the confetti cannons! Again!" said Pinkie, before she cleaned herself off with one impossible lick of her tongue.
Joker, meanwhile, wasn't quite so lucky. His face was shrouded in cake batter, as were parts of his outfit and coat. At least my gadgets are okay, thought Joker. "Hey, Pinkie, do you think Rarity can help me figure out how to get my clothes cleaned up? I mean, I just got to this world via snow globe yesterday, and-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up a moment! Did you say that you came here from another world?!" said Pinkie Pie, a look of the utmost shock on her face as her hands covered up her mouth.
"Yes... and?" said Joker.
"But, then that must mean... you don't have a home! No money! No clothes except the ones on your back! No food! And worst of all, NOT A SINGLE FRIEND IN THE WORLD!!!" screamed Pinkie as she tackled Joker in a backbreaking hug.
"Pinkie! You're crushing my spine! Can't breathe!" gasped Joker in pain.
Pinkie let go of the hug, looked Joker right in the eye, and said, "I have GOT to throw you a party, and get you some friends! But, first, let's see what Rarity can do about your wardrobe!"
And with that, Pinkie grabbed Joker by the hand and pulled him along, allowing Joker just enough time to grab his overcoat.
...
As Pinkie Pie and Joker made their way to the Carrousel Boutique, several ponies gave them odd looks, and Joker was highly certain that the coating of cake batter on them wasn't really helping with anyone's impressions. When they finally got to Rarity's store, Pinkie pounded away on the door. "Rarity! Rarity! We have a fashion emergency on our hands!"
Rarity opened the door, looking exhausted and a little irritated. "Pinkie, whatever do you- WAHAHA HA!" she cried in horror upon seeing The Joker's chalk white skin, ruby red smile, and green hair, all of which had cake batter all over. Recover from her shock, Rarity grabbed Joker by the hand and pulled him into the Boutique's fitting room and pushed him into a chair.
"First off, we have to clean up that cake batter and that repulsive clown makeup," said Rarity, grabbing a washrag and a bucket.
"Uh, actually, Miss Belle-"
"Oh, hush, my dear, don't you fret a bit. By the time I'm finished, you'll look simply magnificent ," said Rarity.
With that, Rarity got the washrag wet, and began to try to clean Joker's face off, but only succeeded in getting the cake batter off. Much to Rarity's frustration, the white face and smile still remained.
"Hmm... that makeup of yours seems to be putting up quite the fight. No matter, though, I'll get that cleaned off in no time!" said Rarity.
"Rarity, it's not-" said Joker, only to be blinded by two cucumbers, followed swiftly by what Joker could only assume was some kind of exfoliating gel.
...
Several hours later, Rarity had gotten no closer to restoring Joker's face to its original state.
"I must say, that's quite some makeup you've got on there, Mr..." said Rarity.
"Joker. My name is Joker, and for the umpteenth time, I'm not wearing makeup, this is my actual face," growled Joker in anger.
"What? Why, whatever do you mean?" asked Rarity, apparently confused.
"Yeah, what DO you mean?"
Joker and Rarity looked towards the doorway and saw Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy,Spike, and Pinkie Pie standing there, interested looks on their faces. Well, Fluttershy's expression was more nervous than interested, but the others looked interested.
"Praytell, how in the wide, wide, world of Equestria did you get there?" asked Rarity.
"I brought them here! I wanted to invite Applejack too, but she refused to come... something about something Joker said and not trusting him because of it, but, seriously, who couldn't trust him! He's a clown!" said Pinkie with a huge grin.
"Honestly, I could think of a few ponies," Rainbow whispered in Twilight's ear.
Twilight ignored her and approached Joker. "So, your name is Joker... I wonder, could you by any chance be Mr. J, the one who left that present in the library?" she asked Joker.
"Let's not forget that he Joy Buzzed me into unconsciousness," added Spike.
"Yep, that sounds like me," said Joker.
"So, YOU were behind that box that punched me IN THE FACE?!" yelled Rarity.
"What, you girls can't take a joke? I got you the Elements, didn't I?" said Joker defensively.
"That does not excuse the fact that you could've seriously hurt Rarity," said Twilight. "I think you need to apologize to her."
"I most certainly agree!" said Rarity.
"All right, all right! I'm sorry for the incident with the box, Rarity."
"Hmph! I should certainly hope so!" said Rarity.
"Um, excuse me, Mr. Joker, I think you were going to tell us about how your face ended up looking like that... if it's not too much trouble," said Fluttershy.
"No, no, no, it's no trouble at all, Bats-"
"Um, actually, my name is Fluttershy."
"I know," said Joker. "Well, to be honest, I hardly remember what happened myself. When I woke up in the hospital, they told me that I'd been trying to catch a bat when I fell into a vat of chemicals at the plant where I worked. When they held a mirror up to my face, this is what looked back at me... because of my accident, well... let's just say not a lot of people want to hang around a guy who looks like this, let alone date them."
Joker knew instantly that he'd won over every pony in the room. Rarity and Fluttershy's eyes filled up with sympathtic tears, Twilight had her hand over her mouth, Rainbow seemed to be at a loss for words, and Pinkie began to openly wail and tackled Joker in a big hug.
Once Joker could finally breathe again, he finished his story. "Yeah, life's been pretty cruel to me. Then, in another bizarre twist of fate, I went to this huge comic book convention, and bought a snow globe. Next thing I know, I'm here, and well, there you go."
"Hmm... so, what you're saying is that you came here from another world?" said Twilight.
"Pretty much, yeah."
"In that case, stop by the Golden Oaks Library after Pinkie's party, as I'd like to run some tests," said Twilight.
"And I suppose you won't take 'no' for an answer?" asked Joker.
"You assume correctly."
"Very well, then... I suppose I could stop by. But, for now, I think I'll have myself a little tour of Ponyville, if you'd like to be my tour guide, Pinkie," said Joker.
"Absotutely-lutely!"
As Pinkie and The Joker left, Rarity muttered to the others, "A bit eccentric, that Joker character, don't you think?"
"I don't know, Rarity... we'll have to wait for those test results before we know just how eccentric he REALLY is," said Twilight.
...
Meanwhile, at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was in her bedroom with tear-soaked eyes, gazing at an old photograph. In it was a red stallion with a blonde mane and tail, wearing a flannel shirt, overalls, cowboy boots, and what looked like Applejack's hat, a young colt who looked like a younger version of Big Macintosh, a younger Applejack, and a mare with a cream yellow coat and a red mane and tail wearing a plaid dress and heels who was holding a baby who looked just like her.
Applejack smiled at the photo, remembering how happy she and her siblings had been before their parents had been taken from them...it just wasn't fair, and now some mysterious clown was dancing on their graves... how could she possibly come to like or even trust someone so cruel and insensitive?
Someone knocked on the door. "Sis? Ya'll okay in there? Granny Smith's gettin' worried," said the voice of a young teenage girl.
"Ye-yeah, Ah'm fine, Apple Bloom... just thinkin' 'bout some things," said Applejack.
Apple Bloom's voice rang out again, this time with the impression that she was walking through a minefield. "Is it 'bout Ma an' Pa?"
Applejack didn't reply. Apple Bloom seemed to take this as a yes.
"Okay, Ah'll just leave ya be, then."
The Clown Prince of Equestria
"Now THIS is what I call a party!" said Joker, smiling broadly as Pinkie's party was in full swing. So far, Joker had met several different ponies, including Octavia, Colgate, Cloudkicker, Bon Bon, and Derpy Hooves, who he had Joy Buzzered over and over again to no effect.
As Joker grabbed another glass of Apple Cider, a mint green anthro unicorn mare wearing a tan party dress and matching heels approached him. "Hello, Mr. Joker, my name is Lyra Heartstrings," said Lyra.
"Ah, yes, Miss Heartstrings... you study anthropology, right?" asked Joker, taking a sip of cider.
"Well... yes... but I get laughed at a lot for it." Lyra said in a sad tone. Joker then smiled and patted her on the back.
"There, there, it's okay... speaking of, who are you dating?"
"Um... h-her name's... her name's... B-Bon Bon... or at least... that's who I want to ask out."
Joker did a small double-take at this news. "Well, that's interesting, and certainly different I must say... back in my world, relationships like the one you seek cause an almighty uproar, but in my opinion,the hypocrites can say anything they want, as long as you're happy," he said.
"R-really?" asked Lyra.
"Really. Of course, there IS the possibility that Bon Bon isn't THAT type of mare, but even if she isn't, that doesn't mean there isn't a mare out there who is. So, don't worry about rejection, so long as you put your best foot forward, and smile."
Lyra smiled at this and gave him a quick hug... then was launched off by Pinkie's Party Cannon.
"Now, just what was that all about, Miss Pie? We were just having a conversation," said Joker.
"Well, that's not what it looked like to me," said Pinkie.
"Ooh, is that jealousy I hear? Well, there's no need for it, Pinkie, my dear. She's not my type, nor I hers."
"Is that so? Well, then what is your type?" asked Pinkie.
"Oh, I like a girl who doesn't particularly care if others think she's sane or not. A girl who only wants to spread the healing power of laughter to everyone and anyone she sees, even at the risk of being considered a pest," said Joker as he walked up to Pinkie. "A girl, in other words, who always has a smile on her face."
Smiling, Pinkie Pie walked over to the DJ, who Joker recognized as Vinyl Scratch, and whispered something. DJ-PON3 then spoke into a microphone. "All right, fillies and gentlecolts, now it's time to take it down for a minute."
With that, Vinyl then put on some slow music, just the right kind to dance to.
...
Meanwhile, Spike, clad in a lavender dress shirt, khaki slacks, and brown shoes, nervously glancd at Rarity. This was his big chance to ask Rarity to dance with him, and see if she had feelings for him as well.
Unbeknownst to Spike, Rarity actually DID have feelings for the teenage dragon.
Come on, Spikey, come and ask me to dance, thought Rarity, hoping that Spike would swallow his pride and make his move.
Spike forced himself to take steps towards Rarity, eventually reaching her. "R-R-R-Rarity..." he choked out.
"Huh? Oh, yes, Spike, my dear?" asked Rarity.
"I-I-I-I-I was w-w-w-ondering if y-y-y-you wanted to.. .d-d-d..."
Before Spike could finish his question however, his nerves got the better of him and he ran off. Rarity shook her head.
"One day, Spike... one day," she said.
...
The following morning, Twilight was getting her testing equipment ready for when Joker arrived... and Spike was a bit nervous about this, considering what had happened to him the last time Joker came over.
"So what's the plan this time, Twi?" Spike asked his surrogate sister.
"Well, first off, we'll start with a psychological evaluation, followed by nueral scanning, vision and hearing tests, amongst other things. Maybe I can learn a few things about his world," said Twilight, examining the lists she had in her hands.
"Okie dokie, then," said Spike.
Just then, a knock was heard on the door. "Twilight, I'm here for those tests that you forced me into," said Joker from the other side of the door.
Twilight took a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing, she thought before opening the door.
"Hello, Twilight," said Joker as he entered the Golden Oaks Library. He turned and saw Spike. "Hey, Spike. No hard feelings about the Joy Buzzer incident?" he said, holding out his hand.
Spike looked at Joker's hand very carefully. After coming to the conclusion that it contained no Joy Buzzer, he shook it.
"Okay, then, Mr. Joker, if you'll follow me," said Twilight, leading Joker and Spike to a door that led to the library's basement. Once they were inside, Joker saw that the basement had been converted into a laboratory mixed with a psychiatrist's office, complete with the bed-couch thingy.
"My, my, Twilight, you truly are a mare of many talents. Scientist, shrink, librarian, national heroine, and alicorn princess-in-training!" said Joker, plopping down on the bed-couch.
Twilight stopped dead in her tracks at Joker's words. "Forgive me, I must have misheard you... did you just call me an 'alicorn princess-in-training?'" she asked Joker as she and Spike gave the clown a confused look.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Don't tell me that over these past few years you never stopped once to ask yourself, 'Why, out of the entire student body, did Celestia pick me to be her protege?' She must have had trillions upon trillions of students pass through that school of hers over the past millenium alone, yet, she singled you out," laughed Joker.
Twilight growled in frustration. "Celestia said it was because she'd never encountered a unicorn with my raw abilities before. Now, if you're about finished, I'd like to start the testing with a psychological evaluation," she said.
"Eh, why not, sounds fun," said Joker, smiling broadly as he laid down upon the bed-couch.
"Okay, then. Spike, get ready to start writing this stuff down," said Twilight.
Spike grabbed a quill, a bottle of ink, and a roll of parchment. "Okay, Twilight! I'm ready," said Spike.
“Okay first thing… picture ink.” said Twilight as she held up an ink blot in the shape of a bird.
“A birdie.”
“What do you SEE in the bird?”
“Food and its guts.”
“Okay... ew," said Twilight in disgust.
“HEY, YOU ASKED!” Joker said defensively.
"All right, moving on," said Twilight, this time holding up an ink blot of what looked like a bat.
"A bat," said Joker.
"And what do you see in the bat?"
"Evil, darkness, rabies, hatred, and a monster that haunts my nightmares."
"Uh-huh... considering what you said about a bat making you fall into a vat of chemicals, I can't say I'm surprised by that response," said Twilight.
Spike jotted down Joker's response before he looked up, something occuring to him. "Wait... you said you fell into a vat of chemicals, right?" he asked Joker.
"Yeah, and your point is?"
"Oh, nothing, it just reminded me of something from a comic book," said Spike.
Despite Twilight signaling to not press on about the topic, Joker decided to do the opposite. "Really? What comic?" he asked Spike.
"You like comic books?" Spike asked Joker, surprise evident in his voice.
"You kidding me? I used to live and breathe those things. I'm sure you probably haven't read the ones I've read-"
"Have you heard of the Power Ponies?"
"Okay, that's enough, you two! I'd like to get this testing done sometime today," snapped Twilight.
"Right, sorry, Twilight," said Spike, returning to his notes.
"Party pooper," grumbled Joker.
Twilight shot Joker a glare, before her face finally relaxed into a VERY forced smile. "How about we try some word association?"
"That sounds... delightful."
"Acceptance."
"My favorite stage."
"Okay, let's skip the dark humor and be serious this time," snapped Twilight, causing Spike to start looking nervous. "Insanity."
"Just one bad day away for most people AND most ponies," said Joker with a wicked grin.
Before Twilight, who actually seemed interested in this statement, could say anything, a voice called out to her. "Twilight? Are ya in here? There's somethin' Ah need to speak with ya about."
"Applejack... come on, Spike. You stay put. I want to discuss your choice of words. And don't touch anything," she told Joker.
"Whatever you say, Miss Sparkle," said Joker.
Twilight gave Joker a skeptical look before she and Spike left the basement. No sooner had Spike shut the door behind him, Joker began to eye Twilight's chemistry set with a mischevious gleam. It was time to have some fun.
...
Applejack had never been so nervous in her life. Once she told Twilight the truth about her parents, would she make her tell the others? Or worse, would she make her tell Apple Bloom? Big Mac and Granny Smith knew what happened to her Ma and Pa, of course, and to the best of her knowledge, Apple Bloom had no clue what happened to their parents on that fateful night they'd been taken from them. They'd agreed to keep it under the rug until Apple Bloom was old enough to know and cope with what had happened, and, quite frankly, until they were ready.
"Applejack? Did you need something?"
Applejack jumped about a foot in the air at the sound of Twilight's voice. "Twilight! Oh, ya scared he livin' daylights outta me!" she said, turning to face Twilight and Spike .
"I can see that. So, what brings you here?" asked Twilight.
Applejack's face suddenly turned to one of discomfort. "Eh, well... it's about... mah Ma and Pa," she said.
Of all the things Applejack could've said, this was one Twilight least expected. But, nonetheless, she managed to maintain her composure. "Well, what about them?" she asked.
"Eh, well... it's kinda... complicated. An' if'n ya don't mind, Ah'd appreciate it if ya'll kept this under yer hats, if'n ya'll know what Ah mean," said Applejack.
"Uh, what hat?" asked Spike, confused by the country lingo.
"Spike, she means she wants us to keep her visit here a secret. Can't say I understand why exactly, but okay," said Twilight.
"Oh, trust me, Twilight, you'll understand just why when Ah'm finished... because Ah'm about to tell you just how mah parents- where the hay is that there voice coming from?" asked Applejack.
"Huh? What-" said Twilight, before she and Spike heard the voice Applejack had been talking about.
"-a dash of baby blue... a pinch of orange... a zap of purple..."
Twilight growled in frustration. "What the Tartarus is that clown up to down there?" she grumbled, heading for the basement door.
"That there clown guy is here?" asked Applejack, a hint of worry in her voice as she got up and followed Twilight.
"Yeah, I was running some tests on him when you came over. His name's Joker, by the way," said Twilight.
As the group made their way into the basement, they found that Joker was doing an experiment with Twilight's chemistry set.
"A drip of that... a drop of this... a bit of red... a touch of green... a little shake, and-" muttered Joker as he sprinkled a bit of what the container had labeled "pixie dust," only for the whole thing to blow up and shroud the entire room with black smoke. Once that cleared, Twilight, Applejack, Spike, and Joker found that the whole room had been covered in black soot.
As the ponies and dragon glared at The Joker, the clown said only one word.
"Whoopsie."
The Clown Prince of Equestria
Well, hello there, friends! Welcome to the story of my new life! Well, at least I THINK it happened this way. Then again, now that I'm the Clown Prince of Equestria, it could've been something out of the theatre. Although, I doubt my feelings for my beloved are fabricated, but, I think we're getting off topic here.
Once upon a time, I was named Jerome Fredricks. I was just an ordinary man, making a living working for a company you probably wouldn't recognize. I had a modest, simple house where I lived all on my lonesome, save for a pet dog named Sparks. When I didn't have to go to work, I was happy to stay home and write some fanfiction for my various interests.
Now, just what were these interests, you might ask? Well, I'm glad you asked.
I am a brony, which for those of you who don't know, means I am an adult male who watches My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Not only that, but I was a big fan of Batman, or rather, one of his greatest foes: The Joker.
Say what you will about how the Joker is a twisted and evil madman. I'm right there with you, in fact. But, the true reason behind why I'm a fan of the Clown Prince of Crime is really quite simple: he's funny, and his origins really make me feel bad for him. Well, at least the ones involving his pregnant wife being gunned down do.
By now I'm sure you're wondering what this all has to do with the tale I'm about to tell you. Well, here's the answer to that question.
It was San Diego Comic-Con 2015. I was clad in what was supposed to be the Joker's outfit from Batman: Arkham Origins, complete with white make-up smeared all over my face, a lipstick smile, and a green mop of hair, when I was approached by a mysterious merchant in a cloak. He told me that he knew that I would truly enjoy the chance to own my very own set of Joker weaponry.
I told him that I would be indeed, so he brought me over to his little booth, and as we talked and laughed, I began to feel an odd desire to touch a strange little snow globe that looked kinda like it had Ponyville inside of it.
The merchant seemed to notice this, and asked me if I'd like to buy it, and that he'd lower the price of the Joker weapons if I did. Who could refuse such an offer? I accepted, and gave the man my money.
The moment I touched that snow globe, however, everything went black.
...
"Ugh... what happened last night? Did that guy in the cloak slip me a roofie or something?" asked Jerome Fredricks as he sat up and rubbed the back of his head. He frowned as he realized the voice that came out of his mouth wasn't HIS voice. "Why in the Hell do I sound like Troy Baker's Joker?" he muttered to himself.
Looking around, Jerome noticed that he was lying under a tree near what appeared to be a small town of some kind. He didn't know why, but the town looked very familiar to him somehow. As he began to get up, however, a surge of electricity ran through his leg when he touched it with his palm, making it go numb.
"Ow! What the-?!" yelled Jerome, looking at his dark purple leather gloved hand. There, on the palm of his hand, was unmistakably a Joy Buzzer. A quick search of his person indicated that he also had Joker's toy gun, fully loaded and complete with "Bang!" flag, three Chattering Teeth, actual X-Ray Goggles, several packets of Razor Joker Cards, and-
"The Titan dart gun?!" gasped Jerome in shock and horror as he looked at the weapon, complete with a full vial of Titan. With this, he could make his own army of monsters, and rule this place like a-
Before Jerome could finish his thought, it abruptly became night time.
"What... this is just like the Return of Harmony from Season 2 of Friendship is Magic!" said Jerome.
"That's because it IS the Return to Harmony from Friendship is Magic, Mr. J!"
Jerome knew that voice anywhere. All he had to do was turn his head, and there she stood, in her trademark red-and-black uniform no less.
"Harley? What are you doing here? Why did you call me 'Mr. J'? And more importantly, where IS here?" Jerome asked Harley Quinn, who laughed.
"Oh, Mr. J, haven't you taken a look in the mirror lately?" asked Harley, before waving her hand and inexplicably causing a full-length mirror to appear.
Jerome gasped in shock as he gazed into the mirror. He was suddenly wondering if this was a dream. Looking right back at him was the one and only Clown Prince of Crime, in his Arkham Origins incarnation. As Jerome, or rather, the Joker, drew closer to the mirror, he slowly began to realize that this wasn't just a dream. He had truly become Joker.
"Harley, how did this happen to me? And don't tell me I fell into a vat of chemicals," Joker told Dr. Quinzel.
"This is what happens when you buy fan merchandise from vendors in cloaks. You've become a Displaced," explained Harley.
"Displaced? What's a Displaced?" Joker asked Harley, a look of interest on his smiling face.
"Basically, a Displaced is someone, usually a geek at a convention like E3 or San Diego Comic-Con, who buys enchanted merchandise from a mysterious vender called the Void, gets transformed into the character they're dressed up like, and then gets dumped off in some form of Equestria to do as they wish, date or marry whoever they wish, you get the idea," explained Harley.
"I see... when am I in Equestria?"
"Like I said, it's during the Return to Harmony, Part 2 to be more precise. Look, Joker, I don't really have time to play 20 Questions, so how's about I just explain how some of your weapons work, okay?" asked Harley. Joker nodded. "Okay, great! Your Razor Cards are as easy as just throwing them, no duh, right? Your Chattering Teeth need to be wound up and placed on the ground, then they'll wander off until they run into someone. Your dart gun is just as simple as point and shoot, same with your toy gun. One squeeze of the trigger will cause the flag to pop out, and more squeezes will fire real bullets," explained Harley.
"Good to know, my dear. Say, how do I go about getting more ammo for my gun? Or more Titan for my dart gun?" Joker asked Harley.
"Good question. Both guns are enchanted by the Void himself to refill at midnight every night," said Harley. "Sorry, Mr. J, I gotta get going now. Good luck out here in Equestria!" said Harley, before she slowly faded away and vanished.
Smiling broadly, Joker stood up and began to make his way towards Ponyville.
"Better look out, Equestria! The Clown Prince of Crime is in town, and we're gonna have a Tartarus of a time! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!" laughed Joker.
...
Meanwhile, a group of five anthro ponies, two unicorns, two Earth Ponies, and a pegasus were walking towards Ponyville themselves, although they had a decent ways to go yet. "Come on, girls, if we can get back to the library, I have a book that I just know will give us a clue!" said one of the unicorns, who, unlike her friends who were the same shade of gray as a rock, had a lavender coat, a dark blue mane and tail, both of which had a magenta stripe in them, and wore a purple jacket, a white shirt with a magenta starburst on it, black pants, and magenta and purple sneakers.
No sooner had the unicorn, who was named Twilight Sparkle, said this than she was trampled by a gang of bunnies with unusually long legs.
Recognizing one of the bunnies, the pegasus, Fluttershy, who was usually seen with a butter yellow coat and a light pink mane and tail wearing a leaf green sweater, blue jeans, and pink sandals, called out, "Good boy, Angel! Mama's so proud!"
Meanwhile, the other unicorn, who was usually white with a beautiful purple mane and tail wearing a black dress with a belt and black and blue heels named Rarity, and the two earth ponies, one of whom was normally orange with a blonde mane and tail wearing a brown stetson hat, a green long-sleeved work shirt, a brown belt, blue jeans, and brown cowboy boots named Applejack, the other normally had a pink coat and a bushy pink mane and tail wearing a yellow t-shirt, a blue skirt, and orange sandals named Pinkie Pie, were arguing and bickering over the large boulder Rarity was dragging along with her, which for some bizarre reason she seemed to think was a diamond.
"Ah'm tellin' ya, Rarity, Ah distinctly heard Pinkie Pie plannin' ta steal that there diamond right out from under yer muzzle," said Applejack, her left eye twitching as she spoke.
"Oh, sure! Like YOU weren't planning on doing the same thing when Rarity fell asleep!" snapped Pinkie Pie.
"Both of you, STAY AWAY FROM MY DIAMOND!" yelled Rarity.
The sounds of their bickering reached Twilight's ears, and she gave a huge sigh. The sooner they got to Ponyville, got the Elements, and stopped Discord, the farther away she could get from those four irritating mares.
...
Meanwhile, at Golden Oaks Library, we find a purple-and-green dragon who as about the height of a fifteen-year old human boy wearing what appeared to be makeshift armor, underneath which he wore a purple hoodie, a dark green t-shirt, blue jeans, and purple and green tennis shoes. This was Spike the Dragon, and he was the surrogate son/brother of Twilight Sparkle.
So far, Spike had been doing a pretty decent job holding down the fort from everything from book monsters to rogue quills and ink jars. At the moment however, he was taking a well-deserved breather. Well, that is until someone began knocking on the library door.
Who in the wide, wide, world of Equestria could that be? It had better not be a monster, or else it's gonna get a face full of flames, thought Spike as he got up to answer the door.
"Well, hello there! Spike the Dragon, isn't it?" asked a voice that Spike realized belonged to a clown wearing a dark purple leather trench coat, a white shirt, a green vest, black jeans with a black belt, black leather gloves, and black dress shoes. The clown also had chalk white skin, green hair and eyes, and ruby red smile that stretched from ear to ear.
Needless to say, Spike was more than a little scared.
"Oh, I see... Twilight's taught you not to talk to strangers. Well, I think I know a way to work around that, my dear drake. My name is Joker, and I've traveled through time and space to get here," said Joker, holding out a hand for Spike to shake.
Nervously, Spike reached up and shook Joker's hand... only to get shocked into unconsciousness by his Joy Buzzer.
"Sorry, Spike, but I think it might be best for you to sleep through this one. Especially since you're going to be regurgitating letters non-stop for awhile, if I recall correctly," said Joker, before giving a short laugh. "Now, then, time to set up a little homecoming present for the Mane 6!"
