Q's, But Not Many A'sView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Q's, But Not Many A'sBeep. Beep. Beep. Alan smacked the infernal plastic contraption beside his bed. A loud thud echoed throughout the bedroom, and he could already feel a headache coming on. The room spun like a carousel as he tried to sit upright—and failed. Cobwebs hung inside of his mind, making it difficult to remember the events of last night. Instead of getting up, he sighed and succumbed to the urge of pulling the covers over his head in a feeble attempt to keep the growing morning sun out of his face. In the cover of darkness, he tried to recall the events of last night. Blurry images came to him: an empty bar, sports flags, apple cider... but he had a sinking feeling that he was missing something... Something important. Or was it someone? He grimaced, not only from the thought, but at the headache that was becoming steadily harder to ignore. With a tug of the covers, he got up and started sifting through his closet. What he needed right now was a nice, cold shower. Hopefully with that he could remember last night’s crucial details. One cold shower and some new clothes later, the only thing he had succeeded in was keeping his headache at a dull throb. A nice cup of coffee was next on the agenda. Walking out into his tiny living room-slash-kitchen, he still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something... missing... “Oh! You’re awake. Morning!!” A chipper voice said as he was grabbing for the coffee grounds. How he had missed her he had no clue, but looking over his shoulder ever so slowly he saw... Caramella, sitting on the couch with a glass of water in her hooves. Her cloak was draped over the couch, letting him finally get a full look at the pony. Chocolate fur, curly tan mane and tail, and bright, blue eyes. But what really caught his eye was the image imprinted onto her flanks; three swirly candies arranged in a triangular pattern. Last night’s events came back to him instantly, as clear as a drunken night could. “Hope you don’t mind...” she nodded her head at the glass. Oh. So last night wasn’t a dream. It had all actually happened. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the situation, but he had come this far hadn’t he? Keeping his voice calm, or as calm as it could be, he said, “Oh, that’s fine. Really, totally fine.” He hoped his smile looked calmer than he felt. If she took any notice though, he couldn’t tell. She went back to sipping on her water. “Breakfast?” She gave him a nod. Turning back to the coffee he set the machine to work then opened his fridge. He frowned as he pulled it open; it was pretty much empty with only a few bits and pieces here and there. He pulled out the milk and give it a sniff. It smelled... good enough... hopefully he had some cereal in the cupboards. Caramella’s voice piped up while he poured out some off-brand sugary cereal he had found tucked away. “Ooooh, I’m really paying for last night. My head’s killing me,” she moaned. “I’ll be glad to never drink again in my life...” Alan plopped two bowls of cereal along with two mugs of joe onto the living room table. Sitting on the floor opposite of Caramella, he said, “Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?” She smiled. “I guess so.” The pair ate and drank in relative silence. Five minutes later, it was Caramella who spoke up. “So, I guess I owe you a better explanation than the one I gave last night, huh?” Her eyes locked with his own. “Something something, giant holes? That’s all I remember.” He hid his smirk behind another spoonful of cereal. “Yeah, well... here, let me start at the beginning.” She cleared her throat with a tiny ahem then spoke: “It all started when we got a call for delivery. I work at a small bakery called Sweet Treats, you see, up in Vanhoover—” “Erm, do you mean Vancouver?” She tilted her head. “No, what’s that?” “It’s a city. Up in Canada.” “Hmm... never heard of it. Vanhoover is in Equestria.” “I... see. Continue,” he said with a wave of his spoon. If he were being honest, he found the idea of a horse filled land called Equestria a bit too on the nose to be true. That fact that he had a walking-talking equine in his apartment talking about it said otherwise though. “Like I was saying, I work at a bakery called Sweet Treats. My parents started it up and we inherited it after they...” she paused, and her ears drooped. Alan flashed her a sympathetic look before she spoke once more. “Me and my two brothers work there now. Legally, it belongs to the oldest of us, Barry Blue. Me and my brother, Glaze—the youngest—work in the kitchens. When we’re not doing that we’re out delivering baked goods.” “It was my turn to deliver when we got the order. I grabbed my cloak and packed the treats into my saddlebags and set off for an address across town. Ten minutes into my route, I suddenly find myself teetering on the edge of a giant, gaping hole. It opened up so quickly that I didn’t have time to stop myself. Next thing I know, I’m lying in the snow and my saddlebag is gone—scared, alone, and freezing. And then, well... we both know the rest.” Something about what Caramella said was tickling his brain. “Gimme just a sec.” He got up and fetched his laptop from his room. By the time he had returned to the living room he was already typing in search terms. “Aha! I knew it!” Caramella almost dropped her coffee. “W-what? What is it?” He set the laptop down and spun it around for her to look at. “Something about your story sounded pretty familiar. With a quick Google I found what I was looking for. Check it out.” Caramella squinted into the screen. Then she gasped. “Holes!” “Portals, not holes.” he corrected. “This article is from this past summer. Someone posted a crappy cellphone video showing off some crazy stuff happening at a high school down in California. The news ran with it of course, but most people called it out as a hoax, myself included. Now though... well, the proof is in the pudding I suppose. Chocolate pudding, to be precise.” “But...” She looked up at Alan with questioning blue eyes. “You said this happened months ago! I-it’s only been a couple of hours for me!” Alan rubbed his chin in thought. That definitely was odd, but as his knowledge only extended as far as mixed drinks and not theoretical physics, he struggled to find an adequate answer. Another question rumbled around as well; why hadn’t she appeared in California? Or, hell, even Vancouver? Did those rifts happen all over the world? He imagined hundred of others like himself finding little furry equines on their front porches. Hopefully they were let inside; the alternatives were far less pleasant. He shook his head, snapping himself back to the present. Caramella was starting to hyperventilate—tears threatened to break free once again. Acting quickly, he sat next to the frightened mare and, with slight hesitation, ran his hand over her head and down her silky mane in a tender fashion. “You’re fine, trust me, Caramella. Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out.” She flinched at first, but just like his old dog, she started to calm down. The pair sat like that for a few moments while Alan typed some searches into the computer with his free hand. “W-what are you doing?” she finally asked, gently batting away his hand with a faint blush. “Checking out how long a drive to Canterlot takes.” Her upper body shot up. “C-canterlot?!” He nodded. “The article says that’s where the video was shot. I figure our best bet at getting you home lies there. Looks like the drive is about, uhh... well it’s a long ways away, give or take.” Pivoting his head, he said, “I did say ‘we’ didn’t I? I promise, you’ll be home before you know it. Heck, I’ll even pinky promise you...er... hoof promise? How’s that sound?” “B-but what about your bar? I mean—” “Trust me, it’s fine. Really.” He ran a hand through his hair and muttered the next part more to himself. “A few days away from this dump will be good...” He held out his fist and shot her a wide smile. Caramella looked at the offered fist, than to Alan with wide eyes. Then she bumped her hoof with him and returned the smile.
Have Mare, Will TravelView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Have Mare, Will TravelThe days leading up the the weekend seemed to trickle by like a strangled garden hose in Alan’s mind. He passed the days away by manning the bar like always then spending the nights answering all of Caramella’s curious questions. She’d calmed down considerably since Alan had agreed to help her and contented to staying upstairs in his apartment (Alan thought it was safer that way—he wasn’t sure that he could explain her to anybody even if they were drunk) asking tons of questions about himself and the human world. Technology seemed to catch her interests the most, and Alan even taught her how to use his laptop (with heavy safety features enabled—he couldn’t live with himself if he had scarred the little pony for life) and his cell phone. When his own past came into question though other matters seemed to pop up, or so he told himself. His human patrons, even as few as they were, had even started to take note of a subtle change in their barman. Once or twice Alan overheard one of them muttering things that sounded like “looks a hell of a lot more chipper” or “what’s his deal?” One of them even had the gall to ask him straight up why he was so energized all of a sudden. He merely replied with shrug and a knowing wink. For some reason, the man left immediately. And then, it came. The near-afternoon sun shined on saturday like it had always done. Alan put up a notice on the front door of the bar that stated he would be closed until tuesday, giving himself about three days to get Caramella down to Canterlot. He stood in front of his car, bundled up in a coat, and gulped. It would be his first time in his entire life going out of state. He knew he was being dumb being nervous about it—especially as a grown adult. And yet, the butterflies flittered around inside of his stomach all the same, but there was a faint excitement—the thrill of the unknown—there as well. Caramella stood next to him with a chipper smile on her muzzle, clad in only her cloak. Sadly, he hadn’t had been able to find her saddlebags. “So, this is like a personal train?” she asked. “Erm...” Alan got into the vehicle, an old beat-up pick-up truck with room in the back for additional passengers, and opened the side door, to which she happily jumped inside. “I guess? I’ve never really thought about it.” He turned the key and the engine sputtered to life. She scrunched her muzzle and flattened her ears at the flaring engine, making Alan smirk. He gave the pedals a few experimental pumps. Admittedly, it had been a while since he’d last driven anywhere farther than his local supermarket. He checked both of their seat belts, gave the mirrors a glance, and then they were off. Alan backed out of his driveway and soon found himself speeding out of town and onto winding backroads. High firs and thick hemlock trees flanked either side of the road. A thick layer of snow covered the treetops, creating a veritable winter wonderland. Caramella was torn between playing with the radio and smushing her muzzle against the windows. Whenever she did that, it caused his heart to beat just a bit faster than normal. He didn’t have the heart to tell the little pony to knock it off though; hopefully thanks to the shade and snow, anybody who caught a glimpse of her would think they had seen a very weird looking dog. Mile after mile, hour after hour—both seemed to blur together as Alan continued driving. The forests melted away eventually, and the land started to bulge here and there, turning into a series of rolling white hilltops. The only relatively flat land that remained was the single stretch of highway Alan had gotten onto. Like a knife, it sliced a path through the earth allowing a myriad of travelers passage north to south and vice versa. Caramella talked excitedly about a wide swath of Equestrian geography along the way, when she came up from air from the looking at the passing scenery that is. Topics ranged from floating cloud cities, wild forests that seemed to behave more like the ones in his own world, to great falls made of rainbows. Each city seemed to become wilder and crazier than the last. When he heard that this world’s Canterlot had a counterpart in Equestria built on top of a mountain, he hoped dearly that it wasn’t the same here. He wasn’t sure his old beater could take it. Eventually though the passing terrain outside reclaimed Caramella’s interests. “Hey. Hey, Alan?” Caramella asked, her cheek still propped against the window. “Hmmmm?” he replied, one hand twisting the knob of the radio down. “What’s wrong with the sky?” Alan spared a quick glance to find that Caramella was looking at him, with a hint of nervousness in her eyes. “Why’s it doing that?” she pointed one fuzzy appendage outside. The clouds were starting to take on a faint orange-purple tinge. Alan blinked. “What do you mean?” “It’s setting! But, it’s not supposed to do that right now!” She gasped. “Sweet Celestia, is that the moon too? Why can I see both at the same time!” Alan gave his dashboard one quick look and hazarded a guess. “I’m guessing you don’t have daylight savings time, do you?” “Daylight what?” Her muzzle scrunched. He explained the event, to which Caramella gave her own thoughtful response: “That’s stupid. I mean, why wouldn’t you just have an equal amount of both daytime and night?” “Er, well you see, our sun just kinda does its own thing, we don’t really have anybody controlling it.” “Wha? But, how does that even work? That doesn’t make sense at all!” “Well, there’s a fair bit of gravity involved and—oh, hey! Look!” Up ahead, a sign flashed to life as the car's headlights washed over it. Yellow poppies laid against a blue background. Welcome to California! And, back on the dashboard, a tiny image of an oil can lit up. “Aw crap.” Author's Note And so, the journey begins! The next batch of chapters are being worked on currently so stay tuned! I don't have any beta readers so any comments pointing out stuff would be appreciated. Most important though, tell me what you like and dislike so I can get a readers perspective. It really helps. This chapter was fueled Nemes - Whiskey.
Scattered StarscapesView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Scattered Starscapes“You know what, Alan?” “Hmmm? Yeah?” “Of all the weird things about your world, I think the weirdest thing are the stars.” Alan looked up from his laptop to give Caramella a sidelong glance. The pair were currently sitting in the bed of his truck, saved from sitting in the snow by the cover he had on it. After the oil light had popped up, Alan counted himself as one lucky man thanks to a truck stop appearing not so far away from their location. He didn’t want to think about how he was going to explain Caramella to anybody else if his car had broken down and they needed a tow. As it was, he was able to purchase some oil and change it himself—no middleman needed—and they tucked themselves away at the furthest edge of the parking lot. “Whaddya mean?” “I mean, it’s all so messy,” she replied, laying on her back and front legs tucked close. “All of the stars just seem thrown into the sky without any care whatsoever. It’s weird.” “Are you telling me that’s not the case in Equestria?” he replied, tapping away on the keyboard. Caramella whinnied. “Remember when I told you about Princess Celestia while you fixed your car thingy?” He nodded. “Well, she has a sister called Princess Luna.” “And if her sister holds the sun, I guess she has control over the moon?” he guessed. Caramella nodded, but held a small frown. “Yeah, but, it’s not just as simple as that. There’s a reason why she’s referred to as the Mistress of the Night after all. She doesn’t just control the moon—she controls the night itself, as well as having the power to go into ponies dreams.” “W-wait, you’re serious?” He stopped typing completely this time. “She can go into dreams?” “Yeah. And that part about the night? I mean it when I say she controls it. You see, the Princess was banished for a long time. Princess Celestia controlled the moon during that time—although not many ponies even knew she had a sister in the first place.I think I read somewhere that Princess Luna had been banished for a thousand years up until a few years ago.” Alan whistled as she continued, “it certainly took me by surprise! But when Princess Luna came back and reclaimed her throne...” She looked up into the sky and let out a breathless sigh. “...The sky that night was one of the most breathtaking things I had ever seen in my entire life. It was so... so beautiful. I don’t think I even have the words to describe it. It was just like somepony had used the sky the same way a painter uses a canvas, you know?. Er, no offense to Princess Celestia though. Your sky reminds me a lot of hers.” Alan chuckled. “Sounds like your Princess Celestia lacked that artistic touch her sister had.” He joined Caramella and turned his gaze skyward. Being out on a rural stretch of highway, he saw a lot more stars in the sky then he normally would have if he were gazing out of his front window. Light pollution is one hell of a thing, he mused to himself, and while it may not have had been a picture perfect Equestrian sky like the one Caramella had talked about, it was good enough for him. “Y’know, you sound like you have a great deal of respect for her,” he said, referring to the Lunar Princess. “Oh, I guess I do, don’t I?” If Alan didn’t have the light from his laptop he might have had missed her faint blush. “I owe a lot to the Princess.” “In what way?” Caramella paused for a moment. “Well... remember when I talked about her going into dreams?” “Yeah, hard not to remember something like that.” “Well, she came into my dreams one night...” “Really?” He gave Caramella his full attention now. What would a Princess have wanted from Caramella? Her came out shockingly quiet as she spoke: “Yeah, really. When... when my parents... died... I started having nightmares. Awful, terrible nightmares.” Suddenly, she started to sob. “I just—I never expected them to go so early...” Alan squirmed on the truck bed. He wrestled silently with himself for a moment before saying, “I-I’m sorry. Trust me, I... I know how you feel.” “Y-you do?” “Yeah... how did yours die, if... if you don’t mind me asking?” The fragile tone of his own voice surprised even himself. “My folks... they died in a freak plane crash on their way to some vacation hotspot in Florida. I was only in college when it happened, just a few years ago. Really messed me up for a while... still messes with me, I guess... Always hated Florida to be honest, too many weirdos down there.” His thin attempt at a joke died in a hollow chuckle. “I-I don’t know what a plane is, but I know about crashes.” Wiping her eyes with her cloak, she said, “They died while doing some long distance delivery. It was a full week until we found out about it... they—they found them and their carriage at the bottom of a mountain. Turns out some dragon was hiding out inside of it and caused some boulders to come down. One of them hit my father as he was pulling the carriage along and both he and my mother were dragged off into...” Another sob escaped her lips and Alan pulled her into warm embrace without a second thought, an embrace of which she greedily accepted. “It was after that when I started to have nightmares. I refused to do deliveries for a while because every time I thought of doing one, I saw myself dying in some tragedy or another. Even small deliveries gave me anxiety. It was only thanks to Princess Luna that I was able to get over my fears and eventually accept what had happened.” Caramella continued to lean into their embrace for an unknown amount of time. Alan didn’t mind at all—he was too busy wiping away the growing wetness in his own eyes. “Man... I wish we had some super special dream princess here to help. Earth could certainly use it, that’s for sure,” he joked as he broke the hug, hoping to change the subject. Melodious giggles erupted from Caramella’s muzzle, and he found himself laughing along with her. Genuine laughter this time. It was as if a weight he didn’t know he was carrying had lightened slightly. It was still there, but it didn’t seem all that heavy anymore, as if Caramella was now helping to carry some of it. He was sure that Caramella was having similar thoughts. “Yeah, I can see why she’d be so helpful,” she said, wiping away the last of her tears. “Princess Luna could certainly have her hooves full with two dimensions full of dreams to watch over.” She leaned back onto the rim of the truck with a somber smile. “Hey, by the way, what were you doing before all of this happened...” She waved a hoof. “I’m curious.” Reopening his laptop, he slung her a grin. “I was doing some research into Canterlot. Thankfully, the truck stop wifi reaches out this far, and it was good enough to dig up a few things on our destination.” “Like?” Her trademarked adorable muzzle scrunch appeared. “Turns out there’s some message boards surrounding some myths and legends around Canterlot. You can find some pretty neat stuff here to be honest... here, take a look.” He scooted next to the mare and sifted through several tabs as he spoke. “Back before the whole portals thing happened, some people reported being able to see bright, multicolored lights coming from the local park. A few of the threads tell tales of seeing a giant, winged horse that night as well, although that part seems to be local myth depending on who you talk to. There’s no photographic evidence of it either.” He shrugged before continuing. “Before that, well there are a couple of photos showing some pretty heavy damage done to the front of the high school.” He clicked onto a photo showing a massive, gaping hole blown out in the front of a school building. “And check this out—nobody can seem to recall just what caused all that damage. I skimped over one piece of news—” He switched over to a news article, and next to the text was a photo of an older woman with three-tone pastel colored hair. “—this person’s the principal. Funnily enough, she shares the same name as your Princess.” Caramella’s eyes widened as she gazed at the photo. “Anyways, when she was asked about the damage, she was the only one who replied with a semi-decent answer. Said it was a couple of water pipes that burst during their fall formal.” Caramella snapped out of her daze, her gaze lifted from the woman's photo. “Huh? What’s so odd about that?” “Well, for one thing, indoor water pipes can’t create a giant twenty foot hole as far as I’m aware,” he started, lifting up a finger. “And two...” Another tab flashed onto the screen, showing a conversation between two people on an anonymous message board. “None of the students remember ever getting wet. See this?” Caramella apprehensively nodded. “This is a chat between, what I can only assume to be, students. I’ll save you from having to read the awful spelling.” He skipped the non essential bits, mostly stuff like who was wearing what or who was with who that day, silly teenager things, and read aloud the relevant bits. “So, what did you do when you got home, huh? I was pooped when I got back, had the weirdest headache.” “I just got changed and went to bed. I was too tired to do anything else. Seriously, I can’t believe that the formal got canceled halfway through When I got home my parents were in the middle of getting busy if you know what I mean. It was so embarrassing! Tthey didn’t expect me home until way later! How do you even cancel a dance in the first place?” “Dunno Bonnie, I couldn’t tell you why it got canceled either. Maaaaybe it had something to do with the big ass hole in the front, huh genius? Shit, I’m just glad nobody got injured. Rumors are floating around y’know. They say it had something to do with that Sunset Shimmer.” “I’ll bet it was her. She’s always up to no good. At least my dress didn’t get ruined, I payed good money for that thing.” “Ditto.” “Ahem.” Clearing his throat, he continued, “This is a couple of months old by now, but it gives us a bit of insight. Nobody even mentions any hint of flooding or water damage or anything. Just that something happened. You’d expect some of the students to complain about getting soaked...” Caramella still had her muzzle scrunched. “Where'd you get all of this information anyways?” “The magic of the internet, my dear Caramella," he teased. She snorted. “From what I’m hearing, it sounds like somepony just poofed their memories away.” “You can do that?” “I can’t. I’m not a unicorn, see,” she said, tapping her forehead and shrugging, “so I can’t really comment on magic-y stuff. Even as an Earth Pony though, I think it’d take a pretty potent magic user... and from what I’ve seen you guys don’t seem to have any magic here.” A chilly breeze swept through the parking lot as Alan thought about that. Somebody—or maybe somepony—was probably using magic to alter the memories of the townspeople. But why? Something about it didn’t feel quite right to him though... who would do something like that? Were there more Equestrians hiding out in Canterlot, living in some secret society like a cheap fantasy novel? Whatever the case was, he wasn’t going to get answers until tomorrow. “Well,” he said, closing the laptop, “I think once we reach Canterlot, our best bet is to scope out the town. The school would be a good place to start. Maybe even talk to the principal... I’d wager that she knows more than she lets on.” He hopped out of the truck bed and got into the truck proper, Caramella followed suit. “Better get some sleep... long day tomorrow.” “Yeah... and, er, hey Alan?” “Yeah?” he asked, pulling down his seat. “Thanks... for earlier, y’know? I’m sorry for that whole thing, I just couldn’t... couldn’t...” Before he could respond, Caramella was already entering a deep sleep in the back seat. “Yeah... no problem. Anytime.”
Sinister SunriseView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Sinister SunriseAlan certainly wouldn’t have had described himself as a paranoid person. Cautious, skeptical, a bit guarded: these were all things he wouldn’t have had been surprised to hear about himself. Even as a kid his mother had even said to him that he ought to be a bit more relaxed with his possessions. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to share them, but more of a desire to keep his toys in one piece. But, as he drove down the highway, the morning sun beginning its trek across the sky, he would have had to admit that paranoid was a pretty good way to describe himself at the moment. He adjusted his rear-view mirror and noted two things; that Caramella was still asleep in the back seat, and that just a little bit above her he could make out an unmarked black cruiser steadily following along several cars away. This normally wouldn’t have had worried him, but the little equine in his back seat and the digestion of Canterlotion rumors had put him on edge. It was either a coincidence that there happened to be an unmarked car that just so happened to join up on the same highway as him—or, it was some government agent called up by someone who had seen Caramella. Considering her love of window face-smushing, he bet on the latter. Speaking of Caramella, he had to wonder how she was feeling about everything. For a rather milquetoast girl—er, mare, she seemed to be taking being stuck in an alternate world in stride, Of course, there were no way to truly know how she was feeling, but Alan suspected that she missed her homeworld more then she let on. She had a job and siblings to return home to. While he himself didn’t have anybody to call family—with his parents six feet under and him being an only child—she did. And he would be damned if he wasn’t going to follow through on his promise to get her home. “A-alan...” He heard the pony in question yawn. She smacked her lips. “Mooorrning.” She made to get up. “No, stay down!” he yelped. Flinching, but complying, she asked, “Huh? What? Why?” He took a deep breath. “I think we’re being tailed,” he stated. “What?” What do you mean we’re being tailed?” He gave the mirror another glance and sure enough the cruiser was still visible. Sweat formed along his brow. “I’m not really sure of the ins and outs of undercover police work, so I’m just gonna ask; you ever seen a spy movie or something? Stuff where peo- er, ponies go undercover and have to go sneaking around, maybe in a disguise?” “Oh, you mean like the Lunar Guards? I’ve heard they handle some of the more serious stuff the Kingdom has to deal a lot more, ahem, discreetly than their Solar counterparts. I know a lovely old thestral mare by the name of Moonechos who used to be with them. She comes in for banana bread every we—” “Wait, wait, wait, you guys actually have a secret hardcore spy division?” In a world full of literal sunshine and rainbows, Alan had to wonder what the hell they needed them for. Then he remembered the twenty foot hole in the front of a high school and casual mentions of dragons. Before Caramella had a chance to respond he continued, “You know what, whatever, I’m just glad you understand the concept. Anyway, soon after we left that truck stop I kept an eye out to see if anybody was following us; saw an unmarked car after about ten minutes...” He sighed. “Admittedly, we haven’t really done our best at keeping a low profile...” “O-oh no... this is all my fault...” “No, it’s both our faults,” he calmly said. “I should have had told you to keep your head down, but I didn’t. So, now we’ve got this situation on our hands and hooves.” “W-what are we going to do? What happens if they come and arrest us?” Alan felt his grip of the steering wheel tighten. “Well, they can’t do that unless we give them a reason to pull us over. Er, I think... Listen, as long as I don’t start driving like someone injected me with a ton of meth and lemonade, we’ll be fine. I have a plan, trust me.” With that said, the pair crept into an uneasy silence. At the first chance he got Alan made for an off-ramp, picked a road that was vaguely in the same direction as Canterlot, and drove. He didn’t quite pull any action movie stunts, but he certainly felt like he was in one. He willed his truck to bob and weave its way throughout a few small towns and local villages in an attempt to shake the cruiser. Nothing he did worked of course, the car kept onto Alan like a predator following his prey—but that was fine. As the clouds started to darken, Alan made his move. He hooked a hard right and sped up ever so slightly into a densely thicketed road. Snow started to fall in dancing flurries as Alan took each and any road he could find. Tall trees started to spring up left and right. He would have to hope that he would be able to find his way out of the forested maze of back roads and back onto the highway. Alan knew he was taking a risk, but he wasn’t going to chance Caramella getting scooped up by some federal agent, soon to find herself on a cool metal table with bright lights and sharp instruments around her. Not like that’d actually happen... better to be safe than sorry though. It was around eight o’clock when Alan looked into his rear mirror again and found no signs of the black cruiser. He kept on driving though, deeper and deeper into the woods, watching for anything that might betray their safety, but he found nothing. Alan deemed it safe for Caramella to come up. “Arrgh, finally.” She sat up and rubbed and rolled her stiff neck. “I was getting bored of looking at your roof.” He chuckled. “Yeah, well hopefully that’s the last we’ll see of mister FBI agent.” Caramella’s head tilted quizzically. “You really think he was from the government?” Did he? Honestly, he couldn't be sure of it. The whole thing could've really been a total coincidence and he was just getting to himself. There wasn’t anyway to tell. “...Maybe,” he muttered. As he said that, the car lurched and started to lose speed. “Oh shit! You’ve gotta me kidding me!” Caramella popped her head in between the front seats, her ears flicking downwards. “W-what’s wrong? Is he still on us?” “Worse...” Alan bit back the urge to punch the steering wheel—barely. In his rush to leave the truck stop he had forgotten to do one very crucial thing and now they were both paying the price. Alone in the woods with the snow falling down, Alan said, “We’ve run out of gas.” “W-what do you mean we’ve run out of gas?” Caramella asked climbing into the front. Alan slumped onto the steering wheel. “No gas, no combustion, no movement. Shit...” “Well... it’s not all that bad, is it? Errrrr...” She looked out of the windows and saw the same thing Alan saw: Snow, , trees, and an absence of people. “At least we have these Dorito thingies. Hehheh, right?” “Caramella, I appreciate the sentiment... but right now, we seem to be totally and utterly screwed.” “Well, can’t you use your thingy? Your cell phone thing?” Alan shook his head. “Even if I did have service, who am I going to call? I call a tow truck and then I’d have to explain you to whoever shows up. No way, no chance.” The mare pierced him with her gaze. “But, you said it yourself that we’re ‘screwed,’ I don’t see anything out there but forests and snow! We can’t just sit here on our flanks and freeze to death. You have to make the call!” “But what about getting you home safely? I made a promise!” he protested, a bit shocked at the mare’s smoldering glare. “Alan... please! You said it yourself, it’s ‘we,’ not just you or me. And my input on the matter is getting us out of this situation.” “I...” Alan pulled out his cell and pushed a button. The screen lit up. “Are you sure?” She bit her lip, but nodded. Sighing, he swiped his password into the phone and found that he was able to pick up a signal. If he did call somebody he was taking a risk. Caramella knew it as well... “Fine. Alright, here we—” HONK HONK! Caramella screamed and dove back into the rear seats. “Jesus! What the hell?!” Alan whipped his head around and saw nothing but the blinding fury of somebodies headlights. He pocketed his phone and fumbled with the door, tumbling into the snow. “What—what the fuck?” Behind his own crappy, beat up truck, Alan saw a slick black muscle car with blue and yellow decals on the front and sides. Whoever the driver was, they had turned off their car and were beginning to get out. Somebody in an orange jacket ran over to Alan and held out his hand. Alan took the hand and picked himself up. “Whoa, you okay there, buddy? I saw your car—well, saw that it wasn’t moving that is. What happened?” Alan gave the mystery person a glance. “Who the hell are you?” “Oh!” He facepalmed then grinned. “Name’s Flash. Flash Sentry.”
Sentry's Hot WheelsView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Sentry's Hot WheelsFlash Sentry, Alan thought as he leaned against his truck, was not the spoiled brat he had originally painted him out to be. Although, he silently admitted to himself that most of that impression could have come from his own envy of Flash’s car. A glance to the left revealed said car—a sleek thing that made his own clunker look even worse, somehow. As it was, Flash seemed to be good kid. He told Alan about some of his hobbies, which including football, hanging out with friends after school or on the weekends—typical teenager stuff. What really made Flash though was his love of music, specifically rock. Of all the topics he covered, Flash spoke about playing guitar during the jam sessions with his band with such pride that even Alan could tell that it wasn’t something he had picked up in an effort to be cool: it was something the kid had a real passion for it. Alan wasn’t completely off the mark though. Flash’s parents were well off, enough to help fudge the bill for their sons sixteenth birthday gift. The young man explained that he had wanted his car ever since he had seen the Hot Wheels version of it in grade school. Come middle school, he had started saving up money for it. He’d managed to get a decent amount of change by high school but his dream car was still a ways away until his parents had made a deal with him: get straight A’s for the year and you get the car. It took a lot of studying, but the teen was able to do it with help from some tutors. The blue and yellow decals, he added, of a shield and lightning bolt respectively, were designed by one of the artsy girls at his school and he’d taken to slapping them all over his car. Alan didn’t have the heart to tell him how tacky they looked. Now, Flash Sentry was kneeling in the snow to Alan’s right. He could’ve sworn he saw locks of blue hair underneath Flash’s hat. Californians are weird, he thought. “Alrighty, shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to fill her up,” he said. He was currently filling up Alan’s car with a gascan. “Nice truck, by the way. Where’d ya get it?” Alan snorted. “Gift from my parents. High school graduation present. Can’t say I’d call it nice by any stretch of the imagination—things a rusty piece of shit if you ask me.” The smile didn’t leave Flash’s face. “Ehh... it’s a little beat up...” Alan snorted again, but Flash continued. “But, give it a de-rusting, a new coat of paint and a tune up and I’d bet you’d have a beauty on your hands.” He paused and scratched the back of his head before going on. “Eheheh, sorry, I just have a thing for old cars from the eighties. If it wasn’t that baby,” he rolled his head at his car, “then it would have had been a nice Ford or something. Having some actual space to carry my band stuff in would be nice. Can’t carry much in my car besides my guitar and this.” He jiggled the gascan slightly. Alan smirked at that. “Heh, guess it evens out then. I have a piece of shit that can carry more shit, and you have a sports car. Sounds fair enough to me.” Tipping the nozzle of the canister higher, Flash started, “Soooooo... where’re you headed, if you don’t mind me asking? Not many people use the backroads unless they’re visiting family.” “Is that what you’re were doing? Explains the gascan if so. Smart.” “Yep and yep. My grandma lives out around here. I’d figure I’d come out and visit her for the weekend. She, uh, she doesn’t get to come visit very much.” “How come?” “General old-age stuff. Combine that with her blindness and well...” He shrugged. “Not many visits from grandma anymore. Gotta do it myself.” “That sucks. Sorry to hear about it. What about your parents? Where’re they? Flash waved him off. “Ah, it’s no big deal. I come out and visit her every few months just to check up on her. Not like she’s very far away anyways. As for my parents, they’re fine. My dad’s a police officer and my mom’s a pharmacist at the local hospital. They’re busy a lot of the time.” With that, he pulled out the gas can and made for his car. “At least this let’s me take a break from Canterlot every now and then,” he said, chuckling like he’d made a funny joke. Alan stared at the teenager for a second. “You live in Canterlot?” “Yeah. Why, are you going to visit family up there?” Flash inquired. “Er...” Alan debated on what he should tell Flash. He couldn’t tell him the truth of course, but he didn’t want to lie to the guy either. If it wasn’t for the teen he and Caramella might have found themselves in a sticky situation. Besides, Flash could be a great asset in getting to know more about Canterlot and Alan didn’t want to lose that chance. Hell, there was a good possibility that he went to the high school that Alan was looking for. He chanced a glance over at the rear window of his truck and saw that it was devoid of any equines. Thankfully, Caramella had gone back into hiding mode. “Um, yeah, something like that,” he finally stated. “Can’t see why you even bothered with the backroads then. You could of just continued down the interstate.” He chuckled again as Alan went to start his own car. “Hey, if you want, you can just follow me. I can show you around town so you can see all of the cool places Canterlot has to offer!” Alan turned his key and the engine of his truck sputtered to life, like a zombie reawakening for the first time. Caramella scooted over so that her muzzle was poking in between the door and front seat. “Pssst, hey, what’s going on?” she whispered Glancing to make sure Flash wasn’t looking, he whispered back, “Met some kid named Flash. Weird name if you ask me, but hey, I’ve heard worse. Says he’s from Canterlot, he even offered to show me around the place.” Caramella’s blue eyes sparkled. “Really? That’s great! He can probably show us—” “Everything alright up there, Alan?” Flash yelled out. “Uh, yeah, peachy! Just, y’know, talking to my dog.” He whipped back to Caramella. “Get down quick! He’s pulling up!” Alan jumped into his car, slammed the door shut, and rolled down his window as Flash pulled up besides him. “Oh, you have a dog? I didn’t even notice it. What’s its name?” Alan glanced over his shoulder. Caramella gave him a look was probably trying to be angry, but ended up just being adorable. “Uh, Caramel... just Caramel. She’s a pretty quiet dog. Not much of a people person either, so no petting I’m afraid. Much more interested in taking a good long nap under her covers.” Caramella’s eyes rolled. “Oh, dang.” His disappointment lasted for only a second before he cheerfully added, “So, you want me to lead the way to Canterlot? I know the streets of the city like the front of my—” “Yeah, sure, I’m in,” Alan interjected. “Sweet. Welp, follow me! I’ll go slower for you,” he said, but there was clearly no mockery behind it. Just pep. “Next stop, Canterlot!” And he pulled off. Alan put his foot on the pedal. “Hoo boy...” “He certainly seems excitable...” Caramella said. “Yeah, well, let’s just hope he doesn’t crash into a tree on the way,”
???View OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...???An unmarked car parked onto the street just down the way from his mark. A thick green winter jacket, well-worn jeans, and work boots helped to give the illusion of just another average citizen. Underneath the clothes, however, was level II body armor, capable of stopping most common handgun ammunitions, as well as a concealed Glock 19. No matter how unassuming the job, these items went with him on each and every one. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “Yes, hello? Who is this?” The man adjusted his thick winter hat. “It’s me.” “Oh! Oh, one moment please.” Over the line, the man heard muffled shuffling as well as a few angry shouts before a door slammed shut. “I was wondering when you would call,” a woman said, impatiently. “You’re late, Cooper.” “I got sidetracked on the interstate. Followed an old gut feeling,” Cooper said, but didn’t elaborate any further. “Yes, well, unless that gut feeling of yours leads you to getting me some evidence I can actually use, then I suggest you keep your eyes focused solely on Canterlot High. It’s what I hired you for afterall.” “Yes, ma’am.” “Well,” she asked, “give me my preliminary report. Before my next meeting, if you will.” He sighed, making the woman over the line grumble. “The same as always. Today I’m down the road from the school. I have visuals on the parking lot, part of the athletic field, and, as you said was most important, the front entrance area—” “Yes, and?” “And there’s not much I can say that was different the last few times. It’s still just a normal high school, as far as I can tell. Nothing out of the ordinary,” the woman over the line huffed, “and before you ask, no, I can’t get any closer this time. That girl you warned me to be careful around? She’s in the front.” The woman sighed. Cooper imagined her rubbing her temples in frustration. “Well, what is she doing? Where exactly is she sitting? Tell me!” “Mhm, calm down will you. The girl’s sitting down on the front steps. She appears to be reading some book or something. Hmph. No doubt she’s trying to keep an eye out for me, the sneaky little...” “Damnit, Cooper. I hired you because of your guarantee you wouldn’t be caught... If you go down, they’ll trace it back to me somehow, and my reputation will certainly be in shambles if that happens.” “How dangerous can one teenage girl be?” “That girl was the whole reason we lost the Friendship Games not too long ago. She even stole away one of the best students I’ve ever had at this school in ages. Let’s just say she’s a bit...magical.” Cooper snorted. “Okay, so she’s got spunk. So? Bit of a thorn in our sides, I’ll admit, but nothing I can’t handle. She get’s in the way, learns too much, and I’ll just make her disappear. Makes no difference to me.” The line went silent for a moment. “Yes... well, I would rather it not come to that. If it does well... I’m afraid our deal is off. I will not condone injuring children, as capable as these are, they are still children. Interrogation is one thing, what you suggest is entirely barbaric. Do you understand? “Hey, if you want evidence...” “Am. I. Clear?” “Yeah yeah. Whatever. I haven’t been caught just yet anyways, so calm down. Look, next time I’ll be more careful when my old principal asks me to shake down a few kids, okay.” “Watch your tone with me, Cooper,” she said coolly. “I’m the one with your golden ticket, remember? Besides, if it wasn’t for me you would still be waiting on your next paycheck. How long did the money from those strings of adultery watching last, huh? Two weeks at best?” Cooper clenched his jaw. “Yes, ma’am. As long as you pay off your end of the bargain, I’ll continue to keep my end.” “Hmph... well, I’ll let you get back to it. Try not to disappoint me this time.”
Kings, Coffee, and PrincessesView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Kings, Coffee, and Princesses“Hey, here you go.” Alan handed her a paper bag. “Hope it’s okay. Fast food joints don’t usually have the best salads... just, letting you know.” “As long as it’s edible. I’m starving!” The chocolatey pony lied down on the floor of the truck, going at the salad like a lion with a fresh kill. “Hey, Alan, what’s a Burger King?” “Uhhh...” “Mmmm, this isn’t so bad actually. Not as good as the ones I can whip up back home but, still!” Alan was more than glad to drop that subject (which, surprisingly hadn’t come up yet, and he intended to keep it that way) as he pulled out of the fast food driveway, Flash not too far ahead of him. Flash had insisted on giving him the grand tour of Canterlot. This was fine by Alan; the more he knew of the city was more knowledge at his disposal when searching for anything magical. He had to admit though, Canterlot was a nice city, at least what he had seen so far. It was one of those medium sized cities that had all the benefits of city life without the major traffic hassles a city like Los Angeles or New York probably had. Hell, if he had the funds he might have even seriously considered moving out to Canterlot. By the time noon had rolled around, the two decided to grab lunch and Flash insisted on showing him a cafe called Sugarcube Corner. Much to Flash’s dismay, the cafe was closed due to the owners having taken a vacation out of state for the holidays, so he begrudgingly led Alan to a Burger King a couple of blocks away. Now the pair (or, unknownst to Flash, the trio) were headed down towards Canterlot High. When Alan asked about the school during lunch he was worried that Flash would accuse him of... something. He wasn’t sure of what, just that Flash might be weirded out that he wanted to check out a random high school in a city he’d never been too. Surprisingly, Flash had not asked if he was a pedophile, but instead remembered Alan’s excuse for being in town and asked if he was here visiting a somebody who went to the school. In a matter of speaking he was, so he said yes. Alan felt a pang of guilt for lying to Flash, but shook the thoughts away for now. He could feel guilty later, after Caramella was back in Equestria. “Hey, you okay, Alan?” Caramella’s voice piped up behind him. “Are you trying to choke out that steering wheel?” He looked down and noticed his hands were clamped to the wheel. He loosened his fingers and sighed. ”Just... thinking. About stuff...” In the mirror, Caramella rolled her eyes. “What kind of stuff? I’m not a mind reader, y’know.” “Well... just thinking about how I’m going to approach this whole situation when we get to Canterlot High. I’m still not one-hundred percent sure that the principal knows what’s going on.” “But you said that that statement she made about the damages—” “Could've just been her saving face,” he said, shrugging. “Politicians do it all the time. It’s better to say something then to just say nothing. Makes it seem like they’re on top of the situation. In actual fact, the principal might not have a clue what happened that night and we’ll be on our own here.” “Well... we have Flash, don’t we? He’s been nothing but helpful so far.” “...I guess you’re right.” “You guess?” she asked. “I mean, you’re not wrong. The kid’s sure been helpful navigating the city. But, I haven’t exactly been truthful with him. As far as he knows, I’m just here to see family.” Alan sighed. “Soon as he gets bored, he’ll probably go home or something.” “Mmmmm... nah.” “Nah?” Alan glanced into the mirror to see Caramella giving him a winning smile, salad dressing on her nose. Licking the dressing away, she said, “I think you’re underestimating him. Flash doesn’t strike me as the kind of pon- er, person to leave somebody in need.” “What makes you say that?” “Well, he did help back us back on the road when could’ve just as easily drove right by, didn’t he? Plus he’s been going out of his way and all... well, let's just call it a mare’s intuition.” Alan couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Instead, he focused back onto the road, where a large building loomed ahead: Canterlot High, judging by Flash pulling into the parking lot. Parking next to him, Alan let out a whistle as he got out of his car and got a proper look at the high school. It was a two story building shaped like a horseshoe, which was appropriate as there was a statue of a horse rearing up into the sky right in front of the building. Sure as hell beat his old high school. Beaverton High... God, what a crappy school. I can’t remember the amount of times I got a splinter just from brushing against something. “And here we are,” Flash announced, slamming his car door shut. “Canterlot High! Best high school is all of California!” “Man, you guys sure do like your hair dye here.” Alan took note of a girl sitting on the front steps of the school with fiery red hair streaked with yellow. The girl looked up from her book and waved at Flash, who waved back. Then her eyes seemed to trail over Alan. Her face morphed instantly, like she had swallowed something very unpleasant, before going back to her book. Alan mentally shrugged it off. Teenagers, he thought. “Sooo, Flash, mind giving me a minute before giving me the grand tour?” “Yeah, sure.” Flash nodded. Alan watched Flash for a moment, making sure he was far enough away before sticking his head into his truck. “Psst, hey Caramella? Stay down, okay? I’ll be back in about twenty minutes or so.” Caramella propped up her hood and said nothing, instead giving him a cute hoofy-wave and a reassuring smile that seemed to say, “I’ll be fine.” He waved back and closed the window. “Aww, waving to your dog?” Flash asked. “Ooh, does she shake—” “Aw, Jesus!” Alan spun around and had to restrain himself from blocking the window, not wanting to gather even more undue attention. “Don’t sneak up on me like that, kid.” “A-ah, my bad,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “Ready for the grand tour?” “Yeah, sure,” Alan said. “Lead the way.” Flash pumped his fist into the air. “Alright, follow me! Let’s start with the outside of the school,” Flash said as he made his way towards the a path leading around to the back of the school. “Huh, why not the inside first? Seems odd.” Alan asked, right alongside Flash. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the fiery haired girl give him one last look before she disappeared behind concrete corners. “Er, well, I don’t actually know if it’s open. Never been to school over the weekend, y’know?” He waved a hand. “Can’t see why it wouldn’t be open, but you never know.” Shit. I really hope it’s not closed. Alan shrugged as they rounded the corner and passed through a gap made in the fence, snow giving a satisfying crunch underfoot. He gave an appreciative whistle. Despite the snowfall earlier, Canterlot must have had missed the worst of it because he could still see traces of a soccer field beneath the dusting of glittering white powder. Bleachers lined the sides of the field. “Nice, isn’t it? You should see some of the soccer matches that go on here,” Flash started. “Seriously, our captain of the soccer team, Rainbow Dash, she’s nasty out on the field.” “Phew, seeing this? Makes me wish my high school had the funding yours did.” “Huh? Your high school didn’t have a soccer team?” Alan snorted as they passed over the field. “You kidding? I grew up in the middle of bumfuck small town Oregon—I wished my school had a field to begin with. We did have some sports teams, but they all had to play away due to our itty bitty gym. Heh, and I’ll bet you’ll never guess the mascot of Beaverton High.” Flash smirked and rolled his eyes. “Uhhh, lemme guess. Beavers?” Alan gave him his best shit-eating grin. “Crocodiles. Fuckin’ crocodiles.” Flash Sentry blinked. “Wat? You’re—You’re shitting me, right?” Alan loved that priceless look people gave him when he told them this story. “Nope. Somehow, someway, somebody thought we needed something more ferocious than a beaver. How the hell it exactly became a crocodile, well, the world will never know.” A chuckle escaped his lips. Then Flash chuckled. Soon, the both of them were in taking huge, gasping breaths as they laughed over the absurd nature of the story. A warmth stored itself in Alan’s chest as he wiped away the water in his eyes. “And what is so funny out here, boys?” a woman’s voice asked lightly. Alan looked up to find a woman bundled up in dark blue peacoat and matching earmuffs, holding a tray containing two, steaming coffee cups. Her equally blue hair was pulled back into a casual ponytail. She gave the pair a small smile. “Oh, hello Vice Principal Luna. We were just laughing over over this guy’s story.” Flash jabbed a thumb at Alan, who gave a nervous wave, and retold his story. When he finished, Luna let out a small ladylike chuckle. “And where was this exactly?” she asked, tracing sea-green eyes over Alan. “Uh, Oregon, ma’am.” “Oregon. What a lovely place. Me and my sister took a vacation up there to go camping once.” She gave her head a little shake. “Oh, but where are my manners. I’m Luna, vice principal of Canterlot High. And you are?” “Oh, I’m Alan. Uh, a bar owner. It’s in Oregon.” “A bar owner, huh. What, praytell, brings you down to Canterlot?” Before he could answer, Flash piped up for him. “He’s visiting family down here. I figured I would show him around town. Give him a tour of the school as well” Luna raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing. “Yes, well, I can most certainly see why you might have an affinity for our little school. Compared to the picture you painted of your own, Canterlot High could seem like the crème de la crème. At any rate, I’d be more then happy to let you both in, if only to escape the cold. Just follow me. We’ll go into the back entrance.”
Tension RisingView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Tension RisingWalking into the school, Alan was immediately grateful for the rising shift in temperatures. He shook off his shivers as he followed Flash and Vice Principal Luna up a small staircase. Vice Principal Luna... Luna... what a coincidence, he thought, thinking of what Caramella told him about another similarly named person, or pony, rather. Soon they found themselves entering a brightly lit hallway. Lockers ran along the sides and colorful, cheerful banners hung strewn about every so often. Further along, Alan could make out what looked to be a circular room with stairs. A lobby, he thought. “Well, I trust that you’ll be able to show our guest around, Flash? I’d love to stick around but I have to get back to my sister and deliver her her latte.” “Sure, no problem.” Turning back to Alan, she said, “Mhmm, it was good to meet you, Alan. Please, feel free to warm yourselves up as long as you like. Goodbye now.” With that, she waved and strutted down the hallway, past the lobby, and out of sight, presumably into the offices. “So,” Flash said, “Follow me, eh? I guess we’ll start at the library and work our way from there.” “Sounds good to me, I guess.” Alan said, his eyes still focused on where Luna had left. There was a good chance Celestia was right there as well... Flash appeared, snapping his fingers. “Hey, Alan, c’mon buddy! Snap outta it!” He smirked. “I know the vice principal’s pretty and all, but come on.” Flash headed off towards the library and Alan followed. “Yeah, yeah.” Flash gave Alan a full tour of the school. The Library was extravagant, he couldn’t believe that it was a school library. Flash explained that the school had a very generous donation by an alumni called Filthy Rich some years ago. There was something about his daughter as well, but Alan found himself too anxious to pay attention. If the principals didn’t have a clue about what he was talking about, he would be back at square one in a city he didn’t know very well. Finding another lead could take days. Maybe even weeks. And just like this one, he thought, had the possibility of leading nowhere as well. All throughout the rest of the tour, his gut tied up into a knot at the thought of talking with not just one principal about alternate dimensions, but two of them. He was going to have to drop the lie soon. Very soon. And even then there was a chance that they had not a single clue as to what was going on and he’d be kicked out with no more leads to follow. Soon the band room and cafeteria and a myriad of other facilities flew past Alan. When he finally freed himself from his thoughts, Alan found himself in the lobby next to Flash and a trophy case. “...one was won by our quarterback, Thunderlane. It was a pretty intense game.” Flash leaned in close and muttered, “One guy even lost a tooth.” “...A-huh...” Looking for a way to buy himself time, Alan pointed towards a trophy at random. “And what about that one?” “Huh? That one?” Flash looked at the large trophy, a label underneath read Friendship Games. “Oh, that one. It’s from this big competition CHS had against our rival school... Crystal Prep.” Alan was surprised, this was the first time all day that Flash sounded less than enthused about something. “And they are...?” “Only the jerkiest school in existence,” he growled, folding his arms. “Crystal Prep used to beat Canterlot High at, well, pretty much everything. For years they were on top, acting all high and mighty.” “Used too? What’s that all about though?” Suddenly, Flash’s smile came back in full force. “Yeah, used too. A couple of months ago, Canterlot High kicked their asses from here to Hong Kong in the Games. I remember the whole school celebrating before classes were let out for the year. Hard.” Alan furrowed his brow. “When exactly did the games happen again?” “Uhh... sometime in late May,” Flash said. “Why? That important or something?” Alan waved flash off and pretended to look at the trophies again. Holy shit! The dates between these games and that article I read line up perfectly. Alright, now I’m sure Canterlot High is the place. It has to be. Only question now it whether the principals are in on this or what. His thoughts turned to Caramella. I've wasted enough time as it. Alright, time to find Celestia and come clea— “Oh, hello boys,” Luna said, walking down the hall. She’d lost the ponytail and jacket, looking more like a principal. “I see you’re still here. Admiring the Friendship Games trophy, huh?” Flash made to say something but Alan cut him off first. “Vice Principal Luna... we need to talk. You, me, and the principal, Celestia. Privately.” He gestured to Flash. “Huh? What’s going on?” Flash asked. “Nothing major,” Alan lied. “Just... it’s personal stuff, okay?” Flash nodded. “Oh... well, okay.” Alan turned back to the vice principal. Her face was a stony mask—unreadable. Alan thought he saw a hint of nervousness in her eyes though. “Very well... if you wish to meet with me and my sister, so be it. Come. Follow me.” Alan gave Flash one last wave before following Luna down the hallway and into a series of offices. She led him through a door labeled Principal Celestia. Alan took a deep breath before stepping on through and closing the door behind him. A woman with three tone pastel colored hair—pink, blue,and green—sat behind a wide wooden desk. Various knickknacks and office supplies were spread across the desk. A coffee cup sat right next to her. The woman removed a pair of reading glasses as she looked up from a series of paperwork. “Yes, hello, may I help you?” Luna spoke before him: “Yes. It seems that Mr. Alan here has something he wishes to speak to us about. Something personal...” She stood behind the desk, next to her sister. Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m not sure how much help we can be, but we can certainly try. Are you here because you wish to enroll one of your children—” Taking a seat, Alan waved one of his hands. “Er, no. I don’t have any kids.” He took a deep breath and decided to rip off the bandage. “What do you two know about magic portals?” There was an instant change in the atmosphere. The room suddenly became quiet, as if they had been transported into the vacuum of space. Both of the principals had stony masks on. No one said anything. Alan immediately thought he had fucked everything up. Then the two sisters shared a look with each other, like they were having a silent conversation with only their eyes. Before Alan could process it, Luna spoke up. “I-I’m sorry. Could you repeat that one more time please? It sounded like you said—” “Do either one of you know about magical portals?” Alan repeated, feeling less confident this time. “Portals that happen to spew out strange creatures from distant, magical kingdoms...?” Silence once more. “Did one of our students put you up to this? If this is some kind of joke—” “Luna,” Celestia cut her sister off, making Luna turn to her. “Give it up. He knows.” “B-but, sister... he knows about the gateway! Nobody is supposed to know about that! Su—” Luna suddenly stopped mid sentence. Whatever she was going to say, she thought better of it. Gateway? Alan thought. Celestia slowly ran a hand over her face, as if she knew that she would have to have this conversation eventually. “It was eventual, Luna. There was no one hundred percent guarantee that it would keep somebody from finding it all out.” She looked up into Alan’s eyes. “What do you want? Are you here to shut down the school?” “Wha—” Celestia stood up proud and tall, her gaze hardening further. “You may shut down our school, that’s fine—but if you think for a moment that we will allow you to get your hands on any of our students then you’re sorely—” “I”M NOT HERE TO SHUT DOWN YOUR SCHOOL!” Alan yelled. Realizing his outburst, he tried to salvage the situation with a sheepish smile. He held up his hands. “I-I didn’t come here to do that, I promise! I’m on your side! I swear!” Slowly, Celestia sat back down, but her eyes didn’t leave him. Luna looked confused. “...So... you aren’t from the government then?” Shaking his head, Alan said, “No, I didn’t lie to you back there Ms. Luna. I’m just a bar owner like I said. I came down here because... well, I need your help.” He let out a relieved sigh. They at least knew what he was talking about. The two sisters shared another look. “Talk.” And so Alan recounted his tale, starting from the first moment Caramella set hoof into his bar. He had to pause every so often as the two principals kept interrupting to ask questions. Alan learned that by far the thing that had them confused the most was that Caramella was a pony. He would of thought that if they had dealt with this kind of stuff they would have known about it. “And that’s all I have to say,” he finished. “That is quite a tale, Alan.” Celestia said. “So, you—you believe me?” Both of the principals nodded their heads. “Yes, we believe you,” Celestia said. “And,” Luna started, “where exactly is this ‘Caramella’?” “She’s in my truck. Hidden,” he hastily added that last part. “So, can you help her?” “I do believe that we can,” Celestia said with a smile, making Alan release a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You can bring her inside from the gym entrance. We can send her home once it gets darker, as to not bring any more undue attention to ourselves.” “Thank you—both of you. I’ll be right back.” He ran out of the office and down the halls, memories of hall monitors flashing by. He would’ve slowed town at the lobby but the muffled shouts coming from outside only served to heighten his speed. They sounded like Flash. His pulse spiked. He busted through the doors, ignored the frigid wind, and saw Flash Sentry receive a brutal kick to the gut from a mysterious man dressed in a green coat and thick winter hat. ‘HEY!” Alan roared. The man looked up and froze for a second. Their eyes met and Alan thought he saw the man’s eyes widen. The man grabbed a large, dark lump up from on the ground and dashed away. Even with the man carrying something heavy through the snow, Alan knew that he was never going to catch up with him, not with the man having a massive head start. He sprinted through the snow and by the time he reached Flash the man had already thrown his cargo into his car and started to speed off. Wait a fucking minute... that car... He skidded to a stop next to Flash and helped the boy up to his feet. “Flash! Are you okay?” “Y-yeah...” he wheezed. “Never been better, heh...” He released himself from Alan’s grip. “I... Alan—I’m sorry. I couldn’t...” Flash suddenly found the ground a more interesting sight. “Huh? What do you...?” Alan looked past Flash and a chill not from the air pierced his heart. “No no no no...” Sprinting up to his truck he noticed the open door, the broken window, the upturned seat. All of that paled in comparison to what he didn’t find—Caramella. Alan slammed his fist into the truck. Over and over he pounded machine. By the time Flash had come up behind him, Alan had his head slumped against the truck in resolute deadpan. “I-I’m sorry, man. I tried to stop them from taking your dog...” No response. “Alan? You okay?” “Dammit...” Alan muttered. “Alan—huh, Sunset what are—” Alan felt hands pushing him into his broken truck and twisting his arm behind him. “W-what the fuck?!” A girl’s voice growled right into his ear. “Alright you creep, you have ten seconds to tell me why the fuck you’ve been stalking my friends—” “What the hell, Sunset!! What—” “Shut it, Brad! Somebody’s been stalking students here at the school for months and it just so happens that someone I’ve never seen is getting an inside out tour of the school? I’m not letting this fucking piece of shit get away until I find out what’s going on! Nowtalk! Before I make you eat your shitty truck!” Alan was pushed further into his truck. “Whoever you’re talking about that’s not him! Sunset, I met this guy just today on the highway! He’s not even from around here! He’s from Oregon! Sweet tapdancing Christ, Sunset, let him go, he just got robbed!” “Huh? Wha?” Alan felt the hands leave. He turned and saw that same fiery haired girl from on the steps earlier with her hands crossed over her mouth. “Oh my God... I am so—so sorry! I just—just—” Whatever righteous fury the girl had seemed to vanish away, leaving only eyes filled with horror. Sunset backed into a car let herself slump onto the ground. Alan sighed and rubbed his wrists. Fuckin’ hell of a grip. Flash gave Alan a look then turned back to Sunset. “Hey, no harm no foul, right?” “What is going on out—oh my God!” Alan looked up and saw Principal Celestia running down the steps. “What happened out here—and Sunset Shimmer?! Alan, what happened?” Out of the corner of his eye, Alan saw Sunset staring at his broken truck, like it was the first time she was actually seeing the broken window and half-open door. She looked utterly mortified, her mouth wide open, and when she saw Alan’s gaze she turned away. “Somebody ransacked my truck. They took... they took, uh, my dog. Flash here tried to stop them, but he got hurt.” “Someone assaulted one of my students?” The principal’s eyes flashed and there was steel in her voice. Alan was thankful that he wasn’t on the receiving end of that fury. She moved over to Flash and gave him a once over (“I’m fine, it was just a kick”) before turning back to Alan. “And what about her?” She tilted her head in the direction of Sunset. Alan didn’t miss a beat. “She came running in and tried to help us. But it was too late, the guy already got in his car and left.” Sunset looked up at him with wide eyes. “Well, I’m glad to hear it. And I’m glad to see that you’re all relatively safe. Luna has already contacted the police; they’re on their way as we speak.” “That’s... good to know.” Celestia nodded. “You three should come inside while we wait for the police to arrive so that they can get all of your reports.” Sunset and Flash nodded and made their way back to the school. “Flash, about earlier... really, I’m sorry for calling you Brad. I know you hated that nickname—” “Like I said, Sunset. Water under the bridge.” “Who’re you with anyways?” “Well...” Alan made way to join them but was stopped by a raised arm. “Alan, I’m going to assume that your ‘dog’ was this Caramella pony?” He nodded and Celestia sighed. “That’s not good, not good at all. We’ll talk about it after the police show up. Oh, and one more thing. That girl, Sunset Shimmer? You can trust her with our little ‘doggie’ problem. I assure you, she knows much more about it then you probably expect.” Author's Note Google Doc importing was being screwy, so I had to put this chapter in manually. If you noticed something different, then that's probably why.
Hand in HandView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Hand in Hand“Principal Luna, honestly...” “Hush now, Flash. Now, do as I say...” The Principal gave Flash a hard look, and he gulped as he kept on applying pressure to his head with an ice pack. “I didn’t even get hit in my head...” The Vice Principal crossed her arms. “What was that, young man?” “Er—nothing!” Across the teachers lounge, Sunset Shimmer and Principal Celestia were talking with the police officers who had arrived on the scene. The Principal talked to one while Sunset was being interviewed by the other. More like being grilled, Alan thought as he watched the blue haired officer fire question after question into the teenager, who squirmed and had her cheeks flushed all the while. What were their names again? Shining something and Shield whatever? It didn’t matter—Alan had already given them his report. He sat on a couch on the far side of the room. With clasped hands and unfocused eyes, a single thought plagued his mind: Somebody kidnapped Caramella. The biggest question popped into his head first—who? He had an idea of course, the guy who was driving that unmarked car was the person who did the actual act, but Alan didn’t know who he was or why he did it. Was it really some sort of government agent like he had originally thought? Or was it somebody else, an unknown third party perhaps? If that were the case how did they know about him? And why did the man’s eyes widen when he saw Alan, as if he was surprised by his appearance? Alan’s face sank into his palms and he groaned. There were too many questions and just not enough answers. And now it was his fault that Caramella was in the hands of someone who probably thought they snagged the steal of a lifetime. His thoughts turned to the little pony and he wondered how she was feeling. He pictured her locked away in a room, scared and frightened. The image made his blood boil. If whoever kidnapped her hurts her I’m going to break their goddamn neck, he thought. “...H-hey... this seat taken?” Alan felt a weight settle next to him. He sat up to see Sunset sitting next to him with a nervous smile. He took a calming breath, then shrugged. “Um... look, about earlier—” Alan held up a hand. “Look... whatever you were doing, it’s water under the bridge, just as Flash said. Alright?” “What? It’s not alright!” Her voice dropped to a hiss. “I almost impaled you on a broken window!” The teenager looked at him with wide eyes. Scared eyes. “I made a huge mistake and I want to apologize for it! What I did was stupid and—and I’m sorry.” Alan almost recoiled at the sight of budding tears. Thinking quickly, he awkwardly laid a hand on the girl's shoulder. “Hey, kid, listen... it’s fine. I accept your apology, okay? Now, uh, wipe up those tears before the Principal turns our way and gets suspicious.” “Er, right...” Brushing her eyes with a jacketed sleeve, she said, “Er, sorry about that...” Alan couldn’t help himself; he smirked. “You seem to do that a lot, I notice.” Sunset stared up into the ceiling with a sorrowful expression on her face. “I suppose I do, don’t I?” Pivoting her head, she asked, “Would you believe me if I told you that back in the past I would’ve hurt somebody without a second thought? Only thinking for myself.” “Yeah, I can kinda see that,” Alan said dryly. Sunset sighed. “I used to be a total bitch. Taking what I want and putting down anybody who got in my way.” “Well, what changed?” “I found friends,” Sunset said. “As simple as that. And I owe it to them to be there when they need me. They’re the ones that have helped guide me down a better path. Thanks to them I’ve learned to see the value in things like loyalty, generosity, honesty, laughter, and kindness.” Alan might have laughed at how cheesy that sounded in other circumstances, but the conviction in Sunset’s voice told him that she held to these concepts like they were bedrock. He couldn’t help but smile. “I can see you value friends pretty highly. Heh, enough to beat the crap outta anybody after them. By the way, you’ve got a hell of a grip, Sunset.” Sunset groaned. Alan laughed. “Hey, at least you have friends to look out for you kid. I sure as hell never had that back in high school. The few I did manage to have moved away or, worse, we didn’t mesh well once we got into high school.” “It’s never too late to make some new friends,” Sunset said. Before Alan could reply, the cops spoke up. “Alright everybody, we’ve got what we need. We’ll keep an eye out for this perp, you have my word. Nobody messes with my sister’s friends when I’m on watch,” the one with the blue hair said. His partner rolled her eyes. “Alright Shining, you big damn hero, c’mon. Let’s get going, before you start spouting off cheesy superhero quotes.” “Awww, fine.” And with that, the two officers were gone, leaving Alan alone with the two Principals, Flash, and Sunset. What do we even do next? An awkward silence took hold of the room. The Principals seemed to be having a silent conversation with one another again while Sunset eyed Flash, who didn’t seem at all phased by the lack of talking. Finally, it was Principal Celestia who broke the moment. “Erm, well... now that this business has all been settled...” She turned to Flash. “Why don’t you go home, Flash. You’ve had a long—” “Settled?” Flash tossed his ice pack onto the counter. “Settled? Alan’s truck was wrecked and his dog got kidnapped.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry Principal Celestia, but that’s not settled in my book.” “Er, Flash,” Sunset said. “I don’t think getting involved is such a good idea.” Flash frowned. “And why not?” “Er, well...” Sunset flashed the Principals a pleading look. Luna stepped in. “I’m sorry, Flash. While I commend you for your selflessness, I’m afraid we can’t divulge all the details to you. They concern Alan, Celestia and I, and Ms. Shimmer as well.” “But—” Flash grit his teeth. He crossed his arms and looked down at the floor. Alan quirked an eyebrow. Then Flash’s head sprung up so fast Alan thought he was part bobblehead. “Is this one of those pony things?” “WHAT!” Celestia and Luna looked as though they’d been slapped, with wide eyes and gaping mouths like a fish. Sunset gaped as well, switching from Flash to the Principals. She muttered something under her breath. Flash just scratched his head. “How?” Sunset asked. “How do you remember that? I thought... I thought we did—all of our calculations should of been correct!” “Uhh...” Alan raised his hand, and all three women looked at him. “Can somebody please tell me why you’re all freaking out?” “Uh, yeah. Me too,” Flash said, smiling sheepishly. Sunset took this one. She got up and started pacing around the room. “Alright... okay... how do I explain this?” She turned to Flash. “First, how much do you remember?” “Uhhhhm... all of it?” He shrugged and started listing things on his fingers. “I remember Princess Twilight, the whole battle of the bands siren she-bang. Oh, and the Friendship Games. Can’t forget something like that even if I tried.” Alan frowned. Caramella didn’t mention a Princess Twilight. “So, why does he know about all this crazy stuff? Because, come to think of it, I tried researching Canterlot on the way here and—considering some of the stuff he spouted out and my own findings—this town is a hell of a lot more calm about, y’know, parallel dimensions and the like,” Alan said, pointing a finger. “That’s because I did a spell that should of suppressed those memories—” “Wait—what? What do you mean you did spells?” Sunset ignored him. “Not too long after the Friendship Games, I started thinking that, well, Earth wasn’t ready for magic. Not yet anyways.” She shook her head. “So, I started sending my thoughts over to Princess Twilight—and yes, I’m an ex-pony turned human. Yes, it’s kinda weird I bet and, yeah, there’s a magical pony princess in the other world called Princess Twilight.” “Hoooooly shit...” “Mhm, yeah.” She nodded. “Anyway, I started sharing my thoughts with the Princess and she agreed with me that magic was getting waaay too out of control over here. With that in mind, we started working on a way to wipe the slate clean. It took us awhile to gather all the materials and plan out exactly what we were going to do, because here on Earth neither me or the Princess have very much magic. Doing a simple charm or maybe levitate a pencil? I’m your girl. Anything else? Not possible unless there’s a magical energy source to draw from nearby.” “So with that in mind, me and her created a magic circle around the outskirts of Canterlot, which by the way was a total pain in the rear. The Princess charged up gemstones in Equestria—where I’m from—and I marked out the locations around the city. With some charged gemstones and our combined magical prowess we were able to cast a large scale memory modification spell. Even with all that energy though, it took a lot out of both of us.” “That being said, we made sure the spell worked on a need-to-know basis. Only me, my friends, and the two Principals were supposed to be the exceptions. Everybody else in the Canterlot area was supposed to have their memory wiped. Of course, we knew that it wasn’t fool proof. You guys have cameras and stuff like that, and the spell doesn’t work on those.” “Every once in the while we get an amateur conspiracy theorist crop up around the school. But people usually look at them as that—conspiracy nuts following the latest hoax trail down to Canterlot,” Luna added. Sunset nodded. “I figured that going through with the spell was better than nothing. If word got out about all of the crazy stuff going on here I don’t doubt that Canterlot would become like a second Area Fifty-One or something.” She turned back to Flash. “Where exactly were you when we cast the spell? Have you told anybody? Anybody at all?” “Uhh, run the date by me again. And, no, I haven’t. I tried bringing it up a few times at school, but I stopped pretty quick once I realized that nobody seemed to remember anything. I got some weird looks for a while.” “Around late June. The day school got out.” “Ooooooooh. That makes sense. I was out of town visiting my grandmother.” Sunset looked skeptical. “Really?” “A-huh. Lemme tell you, for a blind woman she’s got remarkable Wii bowling skills—” Principal Luna cleared her throat. “I fear we may have strayed away from more pressing issues that need attending. Now that we know that everybody in the room is on the same page, may we move onto our little pony problem?” “Pony problem?” Sunset asked. Alan sat up. “Um, yeah. So... as it turns out I found a pony. Not, like, a pony turned human like you, Sunset—God, that’s something I’d never thought I’d say—but, I’m talking a tiny, furry equine the size of a dog.” Sunset’s face turned incredulous. “Let me start at the beginning...” Alan launched into his tale once again. By the time he was done Sunset had done at least ten circuits around the room. Flash had a thoughtful look on his face. “Oh no, oh no no no... this is bad. Really bad.” Sunset started to twirl locks of her fiery hair between her fingers. “Stupid, stupid! I should of thought that somepony might have fallen into one of those portals.” “Relax, Sunset.” Principal Celestia stopped the pacing teen with a gentle hand on the shoulder. “There’s no way you could've known about another portal hundreds of miles away.” “And besides,” Luna spoke up, “we had a hard enough time keeping an eye on the numerous gateways opening up here at Canterlot High.” She shuddered for a brief moment. “I don’t want to think about what would've happened if one of you had fallen in.” “Yeah.” Sunset sighed. “I guess you’re right. Still, this doesn’t make much sense. How can somepony from Equestria go fall into a portal and not turn human? And I’m not even going to try and explain the time dilation. Just trying to make sense of that is giving me a headache.” “Hmm...” Flash drummed his fingers over the counter, catching the attention of everyone. “Well, haven’t we seen people going through the portals before and not changing?” “What?” Sunset asked. “Go on.” Principal Celestia motioned with her hand. “Hear me out. Look, I don’t know much about the true portal here at CHS, but I was in the crowd during the Games. You all might have been focused on keeping an eye on Twilight, but I remember seeing a few people fall into some of those cracks. Granted, they didn’t fall in all the way, but most of their bodies were in the other world, and they didn’t get turned into a, uh... a pony. Maybe without a proper portal you don’t get transformed. I mean, I could be wrong about all this, I’m just guessing. You’re the magic expert here.” “No... that makes perfect sense actually. Huh, nice going, Flash.” To his credit, Flash only blushed a little. “It doesn’t take the timey stuff into account, but it might explain how Caramella didn’t lose her pony form. When Twilight—” Sunset glanced at Alan. “—er, a different one. Don’t worry about it. Anyway, when Twilight accessed all of that Equestrian magic she had a bunch of power at her disposal, but she had no clue how to control it. There was no finesse to her magical abilities. Therefore, when she was opening up those gateways it was like somebody taking a sledgehammer and screwdriver to a slab of marble to try and sculpt something out of it. The actual portal, on the other hand, has some complex and very sophisticated spellcasting worked into it. It takes into account the destination and transforms the user to best suit it. Probably the time as well, now that I think about it. I’ll have to look into that later...” “Alright, this is great and all, but we still have one major problem.” Alan crossed his arms and said, “We don’t know who took Caramella or why.” Alan looked down at his feet. Just saying those words were enough to make his morale nosedive. “Sunset?” Principal Celestia asked. “Yes?” “Perhaps you would be willing to lend some... magical assistance?” “You mean use a spell to find her?” “Precisely.” Sunset bit her lip. “I dunno. Tracking spells aren’t exactly high level, but the amount of energy required to constantly hold the spell is more than I currently have. Like I said, that spell we did took a lot out of me. I’m still not back at one hundred percent, and even then that isn’t that good.” Flash snapped his fingers. “Can you do the spell at least once or twice without having to hold it?” Alan’s head perked. If he was following Flash’s line of thought correctly... “Well, yes—wait a minute, you want me to ping for her location, right? Like a satellite dish?” “Exactly! Though, I was thinking about bats when I said that, but satellites work too.” “Shit, he’s right.” Alan jumped to his feet. “Sunset, you can ping for her location and then I can go get her back.” He clenched his fist. “I won’t let them get away with her.” Sunset scoffed. “You? As in, alone? No way are you going out there alone. I’m coming with you,” Sunset declared, fire in her eyes. “Me too,” Flash piped up. “There’s no way you’re going out there without backup!” He grinned, and then chuckled. “And besides, you don’t even have a car. You’re going to need wheels, man.” “But—” Sunset stepped next to Flash, a stern expression on her face. “Caramella’s a fellow Equestrian, and as one myself I have to be there to help her. Besides, I’ll need to be on the move when I’m pinging for her or else you’ll only end up with vague directions.” “But—this could be dangerous! What if you two get hurt, or worse?” Alan turned to the Principals. “You guys agree, right?” The two sisters looked at each other. “...While me and my sister agree that there are dangers involved...” Celestia started. “We do find that those two make compelling arguments. Besides, even if you were to go it alone, you’d have no clue where to go. Flash and Sunset have both been living in Canterlot for years. They’ll have inside-out knowledge of the city streets—valuable information,” Luna finished. Flash Sentry jumped over and threw an arm around Alan. “H-hey!” “Besides, if there’s a dangerous mission going on you’re going to need your friends!” “W-What? I only met you this morning! How can you say we’re friends already? That’s not how it works!” He stared up at Flash then glanced at Sunset, who was laughing into her hand. Flash only grinned in response. Alan disentangled himself from the guy and threw a hand against his forehead. He had never expected this much help from virtual strangers. He had known Flash for less than six hours, Sunset for less than a half hour. And now they were willing to plunge themselves into the unknown with him already? Sunset snickered. She patted Alan on the shoulder. “You’ll get used to it. Trust me, it’s not so bad having some friends to watch your back.”
It's a Cinch! View OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...It's a Cinch! It's a Cinch! The door slammed open and Cooper came into the principal’s office lugging a large, cloth covered cage. “What on earth—” The woman behind the desk lept to her feet. “Cooper!?” He dropped the cage onto the floor. It yelped. Cooper backed away from the cage, glaring daggers at it all the while. “Miss C—Principal Cinch... you are never going to believe what I found.” Principal Cinch switched between the cage, which was rattling and yelping, and the man who had brought it in. “W-what is the meaning of this, Cooper? I told you—” “You want your evidence? I got you your damn evidence!” Her demeanor changed from anger to intrigue. “Evidence?” She smoothed out business skirt and readjusted her glasses before clasping her hands together. “This had better be worth my time. I thought I made it quite clear that if you had evidence you were supposed to contact me beforehand, so that we could rendezvous far away from here.” “Cinch, with what I got you, you’ll be a national icon by tomorrow.” Principal Cinch only raised her eyebrow in response. She walked over to the cage and gave it a cursory once-over before pulling off the sheet. “...Interesting... very interesting...” Inside of the cage was a small equine. Cooper struggled to call it something more specific. He was tempted to call it a pony but it just looked wrong. With its large blue eyes, curly tan mane like some sort of dessert and dark brown body, the creature looked like it belonged in a children’s coloring book rather than locked up in a cage. That wasn’t even getting into the weird ass-markings it had—of candy. Of course it was candy, because why the fuck not? Right now the creature was rattling the cage and glaring at Cinch. “Fascinating...” Without taking her eyes off of the creature, she asked, “Cooper, you found this on the Canterlot High premise, correct?” “Yeah...” he muttered. “You don’t sound very sure of yourself.” He grunted. “Yes, I found that... thing on Canterlot High grounds. She was in somebody’s car. Who’s car? I don’t know. But she was on their property so that’s all the matters to the press.” Cooper hoped she ask any more questions about the car. He knew who owned it... had an idea at least. But why its owner was down in California? That was a whole other can of worms he did not want to get into. “Let me go! Grrrrr—when I get out of here I’m gonna... gonna... well, it’s not going to be nice!” the creature exclaimed with another thump of hooves. Cooper jumped backwards, banging his hip on Cinch’s desk. “Oh Jesus, fuck! It talks!” Principal Cinch bent forwards and the creature shrunk back. “Hm, so, you can talk. This is fascinating, truly remarkable. Tell me, do you have a name?” The creature gulped. Visibly. Then she blew a raspberry right into Cinch’s face, spittle flying off of her tongue. Cinch straightened up. Cooper was going to imagine one of her eyes twitching, but when she turned around he didn’t have to. With a hand, the principal collected her glasses and some tissues off of her desk and began cleaning them off. “How quaint,” she muttered. “Cooper!” She put the glasses back onto her face and faced him. “Yes, ma’am? “You’re to keep watch of our... new friend here until I get back,” she said, the word friend laced with venom. “It’s going to take a while to convince the right people to come down to meet her.” “W-what? You want me to watch that—” “Yes, I do.” “Fuck, just looking at it gives me the heebie-jeebies. No way! I did my part—I got you your evidence. Now you pay up!” Cinch sighed. “It’s not going to hurt you or anything. It’s locked away in a cage, for goodness’ sake.” She went behind her desk and started to collect her things. “Besides, you’re not going to get my recommendation for the FBI until she’s been taken care of. You might not even need it now, now that we have such an astounding piece to show off. Once we do, we’ll both get what we want—I get to ruin Canterlot High and get revenge on Celestia, that disgrace, and when I spin the story in such a way as to make it seem as though you went in and extracted her, people will be so dazzled by it that they’ll give you whatever you like. “I imagine being the one who exposed alien creatures to the world might carry some weight in the upper echelons,” Cinch said as she wrapped her black scarf around her neck. “I...” Cooper glanced at the cage. The creature had given up on trying to whine her way out. Instead, her eyes switched between the Cinch and him. Cooper grit his teeth. By noon tomorrow he’d be national news; all he had to do was make sure the thing didn’t escape. “Fine.” “Good.”
BagelsView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...BagelsThe snow glittered in the midday afternoon sun. A light turned red and the car gently came to a stop. “There.” From the backseat, Sunset pointed diagonally across the four-way intersection. “Uhh... Caramella’s in a bagel shop?” Flash asked, tapping his fingers on the wheel. “Not the place I’d hide out in if I were the kidnapper, but hey, if you say so...” Alan chuckled in the passenger seat. “Flash, I don’t think the kidnapper brought her to a bagel shop.” Alan took a moment to gaze out of the window, a small smile on his face. It’d been an hour since they had left Canterlot High and with every new direction Sunset told them his spirits rose just a little bit higher. Each time they were a little bit closer to Caramella. The company, while unexpected, was nice as well. “Northeast,” Sunset said. “So let’s continue up Orange Avenue and swing a left at the corner of Newlands and Dunnet.” “Righto, Sunset!” Flash said with a tiny salute. The light turned green and Flash continued up the street following Sunset’s directions. “So... what are we going to do once we find the little fuzzball?” he asked. “I mean, I don’t expect we’ll just be able to walk in and ask ‘hey, do you happen to have this pony in stock?’” Alan crossed him arms. “Depends on where she is, I suppose.” “Well, she’s downtown somewhere. She could be in any number of buildings... if she’s in some government building then...” Sunset let the words hang. Alan grunted. “We’ll come to that bridge when we get to it. Until we actually see where she is, let’s try not to bum ourselves out. She could be in a pastry shop for all we know.” “Alan’s right. Oh, and take a right here,” Sunset said. “We’re getting close though. I can feel it.” “Yeah,” Flash said. “Gotcha.” The trio fell into relative silence, with only the sounds of pop music over the radio and Sunset giving an order every now and then. After a few minutes, Alan glanced over his shoulder. Sunset’s eyes were closed and one of her hands swept left and right covered in a strange cyan glow. Just looking at her magic had the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. It was unsettling and fascinating all at once. “Hey, Sunset?” Alan asked. “Huh?” She opened her eyes and brushed back a bang. “Yeah?” “So, you’re a unicorn right?” She nodded and he continued, “So, are all unicorns like that where you come from? Do they all have super powers?” Sunset shook her head, though she held a smirk. “No, no. While all unicorns—well, all ponies, really—have some magic in them, not all unicorns have magic as their talent.” “Huh...? What does that even mean?” “Let me see if I can explain it... also, take a left here. Did Caramella explain cutie marks to you. Alan?” “Uh...” Alan scratched his head. “No, not really. What are those?” “A cutie mark is something that manifests in everypony once they find out what their special talent is.” Seeing the look on Alan’s face, she continued, “It’s more than that though, it’s like... the thing that shows everybody else what makes you, well, you. It’s a symbol of your being.” Sunset sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s kinda hard to explain the concept to somebody who’s never experienced one. For simplicities sake just know that you can usually look at somepony’s flank and know what they do.” Alan blinked. “Okay... well, Caramella had some candies on her butt. So, her special talent was making candy, I suppose.” That made sense to him. She did say she worked at a bakery after all. Sunset shrugged as she sent out another ping. “Probably. She could also just be good at making desserts, or maybe just caramel based treats. Cutie marks have some wiggle room to them.” “What was yours, Sunset?” Flash asked. Alan nodded in agreement. “Mine? Well... it was a red and yellow sun,” Sunset said. “How fitting,” Flash remarked. “What does that even mean?” Alan asked. A sun seemed like the most abstract thing somebody could have. Did it mean that they had fire powers? Control over the sun? A sunny personality? “Well, my special talent was magic. Magic cutie marks tend to be pretty abstract, to be honest. Stars, suns, moons... all of those generally mean something magical. Going back to what I said earlier though, a lot of unicorns don’t have magical cutie marks so they never really learn many spells. Levitation and a few that’ll pertain to their talent, but that’s about it.” Sunset sighed. “When I first came to the human world I almost had a breakdown because of my cutie mark. Or, lack of one, really. Getting that mark on my flank was one of the happiest moments of my life. I wore it around with pride, showing it off whenever I had the chance. Maybe a little too much...” she muttered. “In any case, coming to the human world and not having it? I felt... lost. Alone. Like a part of my being was gone and I would never get it back. I eventually got over it though, but sometimes I still think about it...” “Sunset...” Alan didn’t know what to say. The whole cutie mark thing went right over his head. But he could tell that whatever they were, they were important in pony culture. “I’m fine, really.” Sunset managed a smile. “We’ve got more important things to do right now. Flash, hook a right.” “Got it.” Flash spun the wheel around and pressed onto the gas pedal. “Uhm... Sunset... are you sure about this?” Sunset’s eyes widened. The cyan glow dissipated from her fingers. “You have got to be kidding me! Her again?” The car slowed down as it drove down the street, parallel to a large stone-brick wall. A large, four-story building loomed behind the wall. Dark red bricks contrasted against shiny blue crystalline supports. Moss crept up the entrance, framing the doorway. Flash stopped the car right in front of an arching metal gateway, jagged blue glass tipping the spikes. “Crystal Prep High School...” Flash muttered. “Why couldn’t it have been the bagel shop.”
RecognitionView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...RecognitionAlan peeked over the bush from the edge of the Crystal Prep soccer field. Never thought I’d actually try breaking into a school, he thought. One of his knees dug into the snow covered ground as his eyes scanned the western side of the building. Next to him, Sunset Shimmer’s hand lost its glow and fell back onto the ground. “Yeah, she’s in there. Of course she’s in there,” Sunset muttered. “I need a bit to recharge... I’m spent already...” “See anything?” Flash asked. “Nope... seems empty to me. Only that black car from earlier in the parking lot.” Alan pulled back from the bushes and turned back to his comrades. Sunset twisted strands of her fiery hair between her fingers while Flash scanned the upper windows of the building. “So, do either of you mind filling me in on what makes this Crystal Prep place so special?” Flash spoke up first, his eyes not stopping their searching. “Well, remember when we told you about the Friendship Games?” Alan nodded. “Yeah, magic portals, princesses, the works. Did this place have something to do with it?” “Yeah, kinda...” Flash trailed off. “When we were facing Crystal Prep in the Games they brought in their best student: Twilight Sparkle.” Sunset said. “This world’s Twilight, before she came to CHS. Anyways, she didn’t really want to participate in the Games but her principal, an awful women by the name of Abacus Cinch, forced her to enter. When she found out that Twilight had been collecting magic she forced her to unleash all of it during the final event of the Games.” Sunset shivered before continuing, “And we all know what happened then.” “So this Cinch woman was behind the whole portal bit? She’s the one who got Caramella stranded here?” Alan growled and gnashed his teeth together. When he found this Cinch woman he was going to give her a piece of his mind alright. “Yeah, well, she’s the one who’s ultimately to blame I suppose.” Sunset said. “So, gameplan?” Flash was the one who spoke up: “Well, I say we go in and sweep the place from top to bottom, start from the basement or storage rooms and work our way to the top most floor. Attic as well, if they have one, but I doubt it. We can skip the classrooms.” “Huh? How come?” Sunset asked, brow raised. “Well, the way I see it is that if they’re holding Caramella in there she’s going to be on either the topmost floor or the bottom one. That way she’ll be out of the way with a lesser chance of being walked in on by somebody who’s wandering around when they shouldn’t. I mean, it’s what I do when I don’t want my parents find my, uh... actually, I’m not going to finish that.” Flash cleared his throat. “Only problem is... well, getting inside itself.” He slumped. “I doubt they just leave their windows unlocked.” Flash and Alan sighed. Sunset, meanwhile, eyed the building before turning her eyes over to the black car. “I think I know how we can get inside.” Alan blinked. “How?” Sunset bit her lip. “Remember how I was an awful person? Well... you're about to get a taste of the old me. You two go hide in the bushes near the back entrance. Stay absolutely still.” “What about you?” Flash asked. “Don’t worry. I’ll be with you guys in a moment.” Flash looked like he wanted to say more but he only exhaled. “Alright.” “What do you think she’s planning?” Flash asked. “How should I know? You’re the one who’s known her longer,” Alan said. The pair watched as Sunset gingerly made her way over to the car. She put her face up to the driver's side window for a few moments before dropping down and picking up a large rock. She give it an experimental toss, twisting the rock in her fingers as she checked its weight before giving it an appreciative nod. “You’ve got to be kidding me... She’s not going to do what I think she’s going to do, is she?” Alan asked. Flash fidgeted. “This explains why I woke up some days with my car halfway across town in Sunset’s driveway. Now I’m glad I kept my windows open...” Sunset, rock in hand, took aim and threw it straight at the window. The glass shattered and instantly the alarm started shrieking. And yet Sunset wasn’t done. In moments she reached inside and threw the door open before ducking into the car. She rummaged around the interior for only a few moments before pulling herself out and running towards where Alan and Flash were. As she dove into the bushes, the car had somehow started driving forward on its own. Alan watched as It sped forward with its alarms blaring like a banshee before it crashed into a street light with a loud, thunderous bang. The streetlight exploded. It fell down and landed right on top of the unmarked car, dowsing it in a shower of sparks. Before anybody could speak they heard the door open. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” The trio tensed as they watched somebody race down the stairs and into the parking lot. Alan recognized him as the guy who had taken Caramella. He had to resist the urge to run up and punch him in the face. The man walked over to the car with his hands on his head and shouting curses into the sky. Sunset tapped the boys on the shoulder and gestured towards the still open door. They nodded. All three of them started sneaking their way behind the green-coated man. Sunset cleared the door first, followed by Flash. Before Alan could close the door behind himself, the man turned around and his jaw dropped. His eyes widened and he fumbled for something in his belt. “Alan, you motherfucker! You goddamn... Arrrrrrrrrgh!” he screamed. Alan’s eyes widened as he slammed the door shut. His heart went into overdrive and pounded against his chest. “Alan, did he...?” Sunset asked. “C’mon!” Alan grabbed Sunset’s and Flash’s wrists and sped down the hallway. They managed to get into a stairwell before he heard the doors slam open, followed by a cry of pure rage.
StealthView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...StealthAlan ran down the stairway, taking them by twos or threes, with Sunset and Flash in tow. Bursting though a set of double doors, they found themselves in the bowels of the school. Narrow, grey hallways raced on by as they ran. Eventually, Alan picked a door at random and shouted “Here!” before the three of them jumped inside, squeezing themselves into a cramped broom closet. “Ack, there’s a dustpan up my ass," Flash moaned. “Shhh!” Sunset hissed. They waited for what seemed like an eternity. They heard the sound of double doors flying open, followed by a grunt. Footsteps echoed throughout the hallways, getting louder with each passing second. Beads of sweat started to form on Alan’s forehead as the footsteps passed right along the door, along with some muttering. “...damn Alan, goddamn Cinch. Stupid, stupid! I’m done with this shit tomorrow. Cinch’ll come back and then...” They waited... And waited... Until eventually... The footsteps grew dimmer and dimmer... minutes later the double doors creaked open once again before slamming shut. Still, it was five more minutes before the trio dared to leave the broom closet. When they did, Alan exhaled sharply. For a few moments nobody said anything, just letting the adrenaline run its course through their systems. “That was... close,” Flash said. “Let’s not do that again. Ever.” “Ah... yeah, agreed.” Alan nodded. “Alan,” Sunset said. He turned to find her staring right at him. Her cyan eyes narrowed directly onto his own and her brows were furrowed, asking silent questions. “Look, Sunset... I don’t really know what that was about, okay? Seriously—whoever the hell that was—I don’t know. All I know is that he’s the guy responsible for kidnapping Caramella, hurting Flash, and ruining my car.” “You know that guy?” Flash asked incredulously. Alan snorted. “More like that guy knows me, somehow. Maybe the dude’s a stalker or something, I don’t know, don’t really care. Listen, right now he’s gone, so let’s just focus on finding out where Caramella is, alright? Alright.” Alan turned around and examined the hallways; grey blocks of concrete led the way forwards. “C’mon.” Sunset and Flash shared an uneasy look with each other but complied, falling in step on either side of Alan. They were careful not to make too much noise as they did their search, as the man could return at any moment. Bright fluorescent tube-lights hung overhead, providing a constant hum in the background. “Soooo, what do you think that guy was muttering about? Seriously, what a spaznugget,” Flash said as he ducked his head into a storage room. “Something about Cinch? Also, nothing here.” He pulled back. Sunset kept trying to summon another magical burst of energy, but it didn’t seem to be going very well, so she settled for keeping her ears peeled. “Well, we know that Cinch isn’t here for one reason or another. But why? It doesn’t make any sense; she has a sapient alien creature on her hands and she just leaves?” Flash hummed. “Well, maybe she went to go get someone she could show her off to. Make a big spectacle out of it or something, y’know?” “Who’s she even going to get? Who’s going to believe her if she starts spouting nonsense about talking ponies.” Alan grunted. “I sure as hell wouldn’t.” “News crews, maybe?” Flash shrugged. "They're always desperate for a scoop." Alan shrugged himself as he opened another door. This one led to a small closet full of spare medical supplies on metal shelves. Curiously enough, there was a note attached on one of the shelves. Alan plucked it off and gave it a read. Here you go, Goodall. Hope ya find this when you come get another batch of supplies. Don’t worry, everything’s in order this time. Made sure none of the little prepsquirts got their mitts onto anything. Never want another Fall Formal ever again, that was a nightmare to clean up. Love, D, your crazy custodian. A little heart was scribbled next to the D. Alan hastily put the note back. On the shelf with the note were a bunch of gauze rolls. Alan swiped one as he left, tucking it into his coat pocket. If Caramella was hurt in anyway, she’d probably need it. Besides, they had plenty here. What was one more missing? Alan exited the room just in time to listen to the tail end of Sunset's conversation. “It doesn’t make any sense, besides—” Sunset suddenly gasped, her eyes widening. “Her memory should have had been... wiped...” “Unless... unless she was also out of town,” Flash finished. Sunset smacked herself in the head. “That guy who stole Caramella has to be the same guy who’s been stalking Canterlot High. That creep kept an especially close eye on me and my friends, ergothe ones that had their magic sucked out of them during the Games. I’d bet my life savings on that old hag being his employer.” “Cinch?” Alan guessed. “Precisely. She must have been out of town just like Flash, and when she returned she was probably annoyed by the fact that everybody seemingly couldn’t remember the giant magical disaster that happened. That must have ticked her off.” “Huh, now that you mention it,” Flash said, “I do kinda remember my dad telling me at dinner about how one day he got a bunch of calls from Cinch. She called the police department and demanded that they go investigate CHS claiming we had ‘brainwashed her entire school’. Once he realized that she was being a nusto, Dad just told everybody to hang up on her.” Alan thumbed the air behind him. “Probably hired Mr. Dipshit back there to get the job done afterwards." Sunset huffed. “Well, they got what they wanted. But It doesn't matter now whoever the hell Cinch went to get. It’s up to us to get Caramella out of here before they show up.” Alan nodded. “Yeah.” He turned around and gestured for them to follow him. “Doesn’t look like Caramella’s down here, so...” His eyes locked onto the metal stairwell doors and he grimaced. “Onwards and upwards, folks," he muttered.
HallwayView OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Hallway“Can you say gaudy or what?” Flash whispered as they made their way through the first-floor hallways of Crystal Prep. Every part of the school proper was painted in various shades of blue and turquoise, and if not painted, covered in something of those colors. Flash gently rapped his knuckles on a crystalline pillar. “Seriously, how much money does this school get?” Alan quirked his brow. “Have you ever seen your library?” “Yeah, but they have honest to God crystals here! Who the hell did Cinch mug to build this place?” “Shh, keep it down! Do you want that guy to come back or what?” Sunset hissed from the front. Flash shrugged. “I think we’d hear him before he heard us. Dude was having a conniption back there.” Alan’s gaze traced over a large display case filled with trophies. “Man, you weren’t kidding when you said they win at everything. That’s gotta be at least fifteen trophies in there.” He turned forwards and found even more trophy racks up ahead. Softly clearing his throat, he turned back to Sunset. “So, can you feel anything?” “Nope, not a thing,” Sunset said. “We’re flying blind right now. Though I’m willing to bet Flash was right when he said Caramella’s on the top floor.” Sunset sighed, and for the first time, Alan noticed how tired she looked. Strands of hair were out of place, and her eyes had bags under them, not enough to be worrisome, but enough to be noticeable. “Really out of it, huh?” There was a tiny tug at the corner of Sunset’s lip. “I swear I’m not this useless all the time.” “Hey, don't beat yourself up over this.” Alan smiled reassuringly. “You’ve been a big help. Without you we would have never found Caramella.” Whatever trace of mirth she had left her. “Yeah, well... I wish I could have done more, but it’s like I said; I’m still recovering from months ago. Even if I were at ‘full strength,’” Sunset made air quotes, “I’d still not be able to do much. Really makes me appreciate the times when I had a horn and an unlimited source of magic at my disposal.” “Must suck.” Alan’s scratched at his chin. “I’ve never really had, uh, magic so I can’t say I know how you feel.” “Kind of like a hangover, to be honest.” “Oh, uh, well, I’ve had plenty of those. But, uh...” One of Sunset’s hands rubbed against her arm. “Yeah... it was only once though. I was never much of drinker back in Equestria either, never saw the point in making myself stupid for a few hours. Haven’t touched the stuff since.” “Aren’t you like sixteen?” Sunset fidgeted. “Erm, would now be a bad time to mention that I’m more like in my twenties? It’s uh... mirror portal stuff. I’m not exactly sure how it works myself.” Alan blinked. His opened his mouth but no sounds came forth. Wordlessly, he turned forwards, his face a stony mask. “Okay.” He was saved by Flash clapping him on the shoulder. “Look, stairs!” Flash pointed forwards towards the central lobby. It was just as gaudy as the rest of the place, but with additional purple banners with large S’s on them. “Shadowbolts,” Flash said, following Alan’s gaze. “That’s what they call their mascot here.” “How cheery,” Alan deadpanned. Alan turned his back on the banner and, sure enough, two sets of stairs were carved out from the wall only leading upwards. He cracked his neck and let out a long breath. “Alright. Let’s go.” They pushed forward. They went up the stairs on the right side in single file. Alan silently cursed whoever had built this place, the stairways amplified even the tiniest of noises. Who built staircases and took the acoustics into account? It wasn’t like somebody was going to belt out a song High School Musical style. Moments later, the stairs leveled out into a small area with only a window, and the other staircase also joined up here. Another staircase wedged itself right in the middle. As they crested the second staircase they found themselves in a circular room with doors branching off in every direction, and one last set of stairs. One of them seemed to lead to their library, and as for the others... “We should probably see if we can get into these other rooms. There’s only a few doors here,” Alan suggested. Flash nodded, but went right into the library. “Be right back,” he said. Sunset went over to one of the doors and tried to open them, but after a few moments of trying to jiggle the handle, she gave up. “No use here.” Alan checked the last two doors. Both of them were locked as well. “Well, she’s either in one of these rooms and we can’t get to here...” He pivoted to the last set of stairs. “Or she’s up there. Great,” he murmured. As Flash came back from the library with two massive books in his hands, Alan gave him a blank stare. “Flash... why do you...” Flash tossed one of the books in the air. “What? You can’t expect me to go in there unarmed, can you? I’ve got Bilbo in my left and Frodo in my right as backup!” Sunset rolled her eyes and put a hand on her hip. “Let’s just continue, okay?” Sunset didn’t wait for an answer before traveling up the last set of stairs, muttering something about Flash and nerds under her breath. He didn’t seem to hear it. They followed her up the stairs. At the end of the room was a singular door flanked by two tiny benches. “Ominous or what?” Flash muttered. “Alright, I’ll go in first. You two, stay behind me.” Alan exhaled sharply, remembering how the mysterious man acted in the parking lot. “I’m serious, okay?” Flash tightened the grip on his books. “Yeah, no problem.” “Listen... I mean it. Just... let me handle this.” Alan walked up the the door, resting his hand on the handle for a moment. He pressed an ear up to the door, but when he heard nothing but silence he pulled back and resisted the urge to gulp. He twisted the handle and pushed the door open...
Or Does it Trot Inside?View OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Or Does it Trot Inside?Bells chimed as the front door creaked opened. Chilly winter air rushed inside—along with a small figure, obscured by a snowy cloak. A midget? Maybe... Can I even call them that anymore? Alan thought, before shrugging and turning his eyes back to the glass he was cleaning in his hand. He noted, bitterly, that the bar was completely empty, again. He couldn't resist another glance towards the small figure though, and to his surprise, it darted its head from side to side, reminding him more of an animal then a human, before awkwardly shuffling up to the chipped mahogany counter. "So, why the long... face...?" Alan glanced sideways and saw large, shining blue eyes staring back at his own pair of baby blues. He blinked. Time seemed to slow to a crawl. It blinked. Alan dropped his glass, and the shattering china marked time's resumption. He winced. "W-what the... who are you?" He wanted to blurt out 'what are you' but he had a strange feeling that it would be impolite. The figure—no, the pony pulled back its cloak and revealed a tan colored mane with a coat that reminded him of milk chocolate. "Er... Caramella. Do... do you want help cleaning that up?" She pointed a hoof over the counter at the broken mess of glass. Alan reeled. A horse, female by the pitch of her voice, had walked into his bar. And it had talked to him. Offered to help him even—not even his few semi-regulars were that generous—and now it was staring at him once more. "Uhm... sir?” He shook his head; reality snapped back into focus. "I... yeah. Erm, no thank you... I can clean this up by myself." Caramella's ears drooped slightly, and the oddly adorable sight sent an equal mixture of guilt and confusion worming its way throughout him. "Oh. Okay." Alan offered her a gentle smile before slinging his rag over his shoulder and quickly getting up. Making his way over into a small backroom near the end of the counter, he scanned the shelves one by one until he found a dustpan and small brush. When he returned to the counter, he half expected to be greeted to an empty store once again, alone with only his thoughts and the various spiders skulking about, a thought that suddenly didn't seem too terrible. His hope was in vain however; Caramella sat just where he had left her, taking in the various decorations hung about the walls. Judging by the small smile on her face, she didn't seem to mind the chipped paint or crude images carved into the wood, undoubtedly knifed in by some no-good college kids. His anger vanished as soon as it came; it just wasn’t worth getting angry about right now, not when he had bigger issues to worry about. With a small sigh, he swept up the fragments, threw them away, then stuffed the cleaning supplies under the counter. Now it was only him and... Caramella left. He gulped. "Nice place you have here mister...?" she said. "Alan. Alan's fine, no mister, please." She nodded. "So... uhm..." She bit her lip. “Nice place you have here, really, Alan. It's very cozy. I noticed some flags on the wall. That one's my favorite." His eyes followed the path of her hoof to a flag with the words 'Indianapolis Colts' on it. Pulling up a stool, he sighed and leaned against the counter with his hands clasped in front of him, almost like a shield. "Uhm... yeah sure. Listen, I don't mean to be rude... but, what the hell are you doing here?" Caramella blinked. "It's cold...?" "No, I mean, like, in this world. Not my bar. Horses cannot talk. This is a fact.” He waved one of his hands, and her eyes followed it curiously as he continued. “You being here says either one of two things; that you’re an illegal government experiment or something run awry, or you're from another world. Seeing as you haven't tried to kill me yet and you seem to posses some form of manners, I'm going with option B as opposed to A." "Oh well... y-you see..." And that's when the dam burst. Tears flowed unbidden, streaking her cheeks. She buried her face into her front hooves. "I-I don't know where I am. I was just— just trotting down the street, making a d-d-delivery when... when these big... giant holes started to a-appear and... I don’t know where I am!” With that, she crumpled into the counter in a sobbing heap of chocolate fur. Alan squirmed in his seat, unsure on just what to do with the mare. On one hand, he might have passed out and was now lying face-first on the floor of a grimy dive-bar and this was what his mind had conjured up; he hadn’t ruled that whole situation out just yet. And on the other hand, he had a creature, clearly intelligent, bawling her eyes out on top of his counter inside of his bar, scared and confused. He took one look at the crying mare and made his decision. “Whisky?” he asked. Caramella looked up, her eyes were red. “H-huh?” “Do you drink whisky? Beer?” he asked again, in the softest voice he could manage. She sniffed, and rubbing her eyes she said, “No, I-I don’t... but if you happened to have any cider...?” Wordlessly, Alan turned around and combed the shelves of liquor until he found his mark. Within moments he had poured two icy glasses of hard apple cider for Caramella and himself. Alan held up his glass in front of the mare, who looked at it with an adorably scrunched muzzle. “You’re supposed to clink the glasses together. Y’know?” “Oh!” Holding her glass with two hooves, Caramella softly bumped her glass into Alan’s. “Like that?” “Perfect.” And so the two souls threw back their glasses. A tart, fruity taste washed over their palates. Neither of them spoke for several minutes. The only sounds that filled the bar were the clinking of glass, the muffled gusts of wind from outside, and the faint plucking of guitar strings as a cowboy sang about numbered heartaches over the radio. Caramella, cradling her fresh fourth glass of cider, spoke first. “I... thanks. I really needed this.” She hiccuped, then started giggling. Alan felt relieved by the fact that he had helped the pony’s spirits rise. Slowly but surely, he was becoming much more comfortable with the strange situation he now found himself in; aided in no small part by the social lubricant knows as alcohol. “So,” he slurred, setting down his glass. “Caramella? Funny name, heh.” “A-are you making fun of my name? C-cuz, Alan doesn’t sound like a real name to me!” She pointed a fuzzy, accusatory hoof at him, her earlier hysteria had seemingly evaporated. “Well, of course it’s a real name! Says so on my birth certif... certifi... certificate! Ha, certificate... it sounds like chocolate almost...” “No it doesn’t! “A-huh.” “Nuh-uh!” “Yeah, well... you look like chocolate! A big, fuzzy, chocolate pony! Topped with caramel swirls.” With another scrunched muzzle, she took a sip of cider. Alan couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol causing her faint rosiness or not. “Where’re you from anyways? I’m from around here.” “A bar?” “No, Oregon. Never been outta state. You?” “Uhm...” She looked up at the ceiling, tapping her muzzle with a hoof for a moment before replying. “Vanhoover.” “You’re Canadian?” He slapped the counter. “This explains everything!” “What’s a Canadian?” “Uh, they’re like Americans, but politer, and with more maple syrup.” “What’s an American?” “Ehh... say, how about we call it a night?” Caramella slumped forwards onto the counter. “I”m not... not even...” She yawned. “...tired.” With that said, her eyelids fluttered closed, and the rhythmic rise and fall of her body let Alan know that she was asleep. He watched for a moment, entranced by the sheer adorableness of his furry little sleeping patron. And then he let out a slight groan. “Crap. I’m gonna have to carry her, aren’t I?” He couldn’t just leave her there. He knew from experience that if she was a tossing and turning type of sleeper like he was then she would end up with a splintery nose. Shuddering as he remembered that particular hospital visit, he hoped that she wasn’t as heavy as a real horse. Alan gathered the empty glasses and bottle and set them aside for tomorrow before sliding over the counter. Surprisingly, he found himself picking up the sleeping pony with eaze. While she might have had looked equine, Caramella reminded him more of his old labrador in both size and weight and fur. He carried her around the counter to the door that lead to the backroom, but instead of going back there he swung a left and went up a flight of stairs that led to his front door. Once inside, he gently laid the sleeping pony onto his couch and fetched a small spare blanket to throw over her. Walking back to his room, he stopped, paused, and glancing over his shoulder at Caramella, he smiled. He still didn’t have a solid idea on how or why there was a talking horse in his bar. The only clue he had gotten was something about “giant holes.” Something about that seemed familiar—but it could wait until tomorrow. Turning around, the only thing on his mind was a deep, restful sleep.
Principal's Office View OnlineA Horse Walks Into a Bar...Principal's Office Principal's Office Something pulled on the door and it flew open, making Alan stumble. Something hard collided with his face, causing his vision to blur. Someone shouted—he couldn’t tell who—and an arm wrapped tightly against his throat. Not enough that he couldn’t breath, but enough to hurt. And something hard dug into his skull. “Don’t move! And you two, drop your crap and keep your hands up!” A voice shouted, right next to his ear. Alan’s vision cleared and he found himself in a dimly lit office. If he had to hazard a guess he’d say it was Cinch’s. Sunset and Flash had their eyes wide and hands help up in the doorway. Flash’s books were dumped onto the floor. “Whoa, whoa! Take it easy man,” Flash said, as if he were talking to a crazed animal. “Alan!” Alan’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of that voice. Over to his right, tucked away in the corner of the room, was Caramella. She banged her hooves on the bars of her dog cage. “Let him go!” “Caramella!” Alan struggled against the man’s grasp. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you out of here!” Even as he said those words, he was having a hard time believing it. “All of you, shut the fuck up! Right now!” The man’s grip tightened and he dug the object into Alan’s skull—which Alan knew was a gun, in all likelihood. He’d been around enough country folks to recognize the feel of one, just not so... intimately. “Now, I don’t care who the hell you two are.” He gestured towards Sunset and Flash. “But this guy here, in my hands, we have some catching up to do. Isn’t that right, buddy. You remember me, don’t you, Alan.” “I have... no fucking clue who you are!” “What!?” “You’ve kidnapped my friend, you’ve wrecked my car, you have a gun to my head. Why the hell would I know you?” “Yeah, don’t listen to him, Alan! This guy’s been trying to ask me questions about you for the past hour!” Caramella shouted. “You! Shut up, you freak!” The man started moving backwards, forcing Alan to move with him. “C’mon Alan, you don’t remember your old pal Cooper, don’t you?” Cooper... the name bounced around Alan’s skull like a pinball. Cooper, Cooper, Cooper... and then something clicked, like a puzzle piece slipping right into place. Now he remembered. But just to make sure, Alan turned his head just enough to make out the face of his capturer without his winter hat on. “Cooper?” Alan asked. “Of course, you idiot! Now you’re getting it.” “H-huh? You do know this guy?” Caramella ceased her banging, one ear drooping low in confusion. “Alan?” “Yeah, now I remember... This guy here, Cooper, he and I used to be friends—” “Emphasis on the used to,” Cooper said. “Alan here decided that once we entered high school he wanted nothing to do with me! He tossed me aside like trash!” They bumped into something, probably a desk. “That’s a crock of shit and you know it!” Alan spat. “You’re the one who became an arrogant ass. Always found a way to make everything about yourself, always found a way to rub it in somebody else's face. Complained whenever something didn’t go your way. So yeah, no way in hell I was going to continue being your friend—you forgot the concept. And then you moved away not even three months into freshman year!” Cooper sneered. “At least I made something of myself. I moved out here to Canterlot, got an education at this very school. Eventually I became a PI for the rich folk in this town. And you? Well, considering you’re driving your dad’s old clunker, I don’t think you’ve done very well for yourself. Tell me, your mother and father still drinking themselves silly every weekend? Don't think I never noticed that." “Cooper!” Alan roared, struggling even harder. The cool feel of metal pressed onto his temple made him go still. “Well, at least Alan isn’t some lapdog for Cinch!” Flash yelled. He looked downright terrified, but Alan saw determination in his eyes. “Besides, you can’t kill him. For one, I bet Cinch wouldn’t like that very much. Might take away your peanuts. And two, I bet you don’t even have the guts for it.” Sunset’s eyes kept darting from Caramella to Alan, worry clearly etched onto her face. With her magic out of commission though there wasn’t much she could do. Cooper shifted his gaze onto Flash. “Eh, you’re right. Cinch wouldn’t like it if things got messy. But I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I claimed self-defense. After all, I’m not the ones trespassing here.” “You’re a psychopath,” Sunset spat. “What’s your deal in all of this? Money? Fame? Are those worth another persons' life to you?" “A little bit of column A, and a little bit of column B too, I suppose. But now, what I really want is a quick ticket to the FBI.” Cooper bore a malicious grin. “Cinch had me keep an eye on you and your friends, told me you guys had some freaky alien powers as well. Magic, she said. Whatever the case, I think once I’m done rubbing elbows with the feds I’ll come back and book you and your friends asses straight to Area Fifty-One. That’s where freaks like you deserve to go,” he sneered. “Do you honestly think Cinch can get you into a government position?!” Sunset asked. “She’s the principal of a private high school, not a miracle worker! If you’ve really bought into that you’re delusional!” “Quiet! It doesn’t matter what Cinch is capable of or not. It won’t matter tomorrow when I'm declared the founder of alien life here on our own planet. The sway that’ll have... I could go anywhere! Do anything! So, now all of us are gonna sit here until Cinch gets back. You guys make any sudden moves, and Alan here gets a new hole in his head.” Alan silently cursed. Dammit, he’d not only gotten himself into a life or death situation, but he’d managed to drag kids (more or less, in Sunset’s case) into his mess as well. Sunset was spent on magic and Flash couldn’t do anything, not unless he wanted Alan dead. Caramella was shaking. Her large blue eyes stared up at him in fright. Of all the thoughts swirling around in his mind, adorable was the first to crawl its way up and shine through the fear. It was then that Alan knew what he had to do. It was the thing he’d promised to himself; he was going to get Caramella home one way or another. She had a family to return to, he didn’t. For their sake, anything was worth the risk. It was with a laugh that Alan sprung his idea into motion, wearing a grin like an idiot. “H-hey, Cooper.” Alan struggled to look the man in the eye. “You know what?” “What?” Cooper hadn’t bothered to restrain his arms; he probably wasn’t counting on Alan to try and escape. “It’s a shame, really. While you were yapping away you forgot to take our fourth member of the rescue party into account.” Alan ignored the looks Sunset and Flash were giving him, focused only on the next thing out of his mouth. “You see, in their land there’s four types of ponies. Earth, Unicorn, Pegasi, and Alicorns.” “I don’t want to hear any more freaky stuff about where it came from. Besides, I can see there’s only three of you.” Alan laughed, a hearty laugh that caused Cooper’s expression to falter. “You don’t get it do you? They’re magical, idiot. Alicorns can fly and turn invisible! I’ve seen it happen! And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll let us go before she gets the drop on you!” “That’s a lie. You’re lying.” “Oh yeah? If you’re so confident then don’t look up. It'll make Twilight's job a hell of a lot easier,” Alan said with all of the confidence he could muster. He waited. He tensed. For a moment he thought Cooper would call his bluff... Cooper looked up. Alan thrust his hand up and pushed the gun away from his head, but not before it discharged. Pain erupted in his right ear, the world rung. Despite the pain, Alan thrusted his elbow into Cooper’s gut, using the opportunity to turn around and grapple for the gun himself. “Get Caramella out of here!” Alan kept the gun skyward, but doing so also made it hard to take away from Cooper. Cooper snarled, and flung himself backwards onto the desk. Alan was thrown over it, losing his grip on Cooper. He got to his feet just in time to see Cooper take aim at Sunset trying to fiddle with the cage. Then a book came flying through the door and knocked the gun out of Cooper’s hands. “Hell yeah! Hope that stung!” Flash rushed forwards and slammed the other book into Cooper’s gut before he scooped up the gun on the floor, switching the safety on, and stuffing it into his coat. Cooper grunted and tried to get up, but Alan was having none of that. “Oh no you don’t!” He took out the gauze and vaulted over the desk, slamming his foot into Cooper’s back, causing him to stumble onto the floor. While straddling Cooper’s back, Alan held his hands behind him and tied a large swath of gauze around them in a knot. Alan stood up and dusted his hands off as he took a long breath. “Asshole,” he muttered. Like an oversized cockroach, Cooper started to writhe on the floor. “Arrrrrrrugh!” He twisted and turned, then he spat on Alan’s shoes. “Oh, ew. Gross.” “When I get out of here I’m going to find you Alan, and wh—” Before he could finish that sentence, a chocolate-colored hoof slammed into his face, knocking him out. “Hggggrkkk.” Caramella shook her hoof. “Owie,” she murmured. Then, noticing the stares she was getting, she blushed. “What? I had to listen to that guy for hour. I was itching to do that the whole time.” Caramella’s blush faded away as she narrowed her eyes onto Alan. “Caramella, I—” The mare launched herself into Alan. She knocked him down onto the floor, slamming her hooves onto his chest over and over as tears threatened to spill. “You—you idiot! Gah! Stupid—you’re so freaking stupid! Snnnrt. Y-you could’ve died!” The blows slowed before eventually stopping, and she sniffed. “W-what were you thinking!” Alan fidgeted. “I—uh, well...” “Yeah, dude!” Flash looked hurt. “Were you trying to get yourself killed?!” “What you did was so monumentally stupid! You’re lucky to be alive after the shit you just pulled!” Sunset exclaimed, twirling strands of her fiery hair anxiously. “I was just...” Alan sighed. “Look, we’re all alright, aren’t we?” Just as he said this the pain in his ear flared up, he cupped his hand over it and hissed. “More or less. You guys are alright, and that's the most important thing here." He sighed. "It was just a spur of the moment thing... a stupid thing, I’ll agree. But it saved her, didn’t it?” Wiping her eyes with her hoof, Caramella sobbed. “Never do that again! Not for me or anybody else! It’s not worth you dying!” Her voice hitched, and she buried herself into Alan’s chest, hugging him so tight that he could hardly breath. Alan lifted both of them into a sitting position and returned the hug, one of his hands stroking her mane while he whispered apologies into the shaking mare's ear.
