Chapters You sat in your chair chewing your pencil and reading the latest report from the R&D department. You really had to end your habit of doing the former. Suddenly, you were interrupted by inarticulate yelling. This couldn't be good in a chemical plant. You dropped the report and pencil and bolted to find out what as going on.
The noise was coming from the canteen. Thank Celestia. The most dangerous thing there was the cook's cabbage soup. The yelling was coming from the coffee machine. A crowd of your employees had gathered around it. "Let me see what's going on." The crowd made way for you.
The source of all that ruckus was revealed. Obviously the coffee machine wasn't the source of the screaming. After Discord was defeated, no coffee machines had ever gained sentience. The source was a green, red haired mare with dreadlocks which had chained herself to the machine and was screaming her lungs out. You looked her straight in her eyes. They were red and angry. You stomped your hoof as hard as you could. "EY" you shouted with all your voice, drowning her out. This clearly scared her for a moment, long enough for you to get start something resembling a civilized conversation.
"Lady, what are you doing?"
"I'm stopping you from raping the Earth by preventing you from using your machines of destruction!"
"That's the coffee machine. We usually don't do production in the canteen." you informed her.
"You... I knew that!"
"Do you actually know what goes on here? What we produce? How we deal with side streams?"
"All I need to know is that you're polluting mother Earth!"
"Look, if you want to know more about this plant, come during the open day. We'll give you a tour and put all your fears..."
She spat in your face. "....to rest." She had quite the range, you had to admit. You pulled out a napkin and wiped your face clean of her spit. You looked at your fastest delivery pony who was conveniently right next to you. "Wind Whirl, get a pair of pliers as fast as you can. It's about time Misses' visit here came to an end."
"Right on!" he saluted you and left at his ludicrous speed.
You looked at the crowd. You selected the strongest stallions among them. "Mountain, Vice Grip, Decanter, stand with me. I might need your help if she needs convincing to leave." Mountain and Vice Grip were your other delivery ponies. Decanter worked in the analysis lab but had the same body type as them. The crowd stepped aside as they stood next to you. Any one of you could have dragged her out, but why give yourself or them a hard time? She had somehow tangled herself like cheap earphones in a pocket after a jog and could barely move. You could also have used her like a pinata for spitting in your face, if you were that petty. Luckily for her, you weren't.
Wind Whirl returned with the pliers. Fittingly, he made a gust of wind when to announce his entry.
"Thank you. Fast as always." Wind Whirl lived on compliments so his face lit up like a firework. You walked up to chained mare and cut her loose. Then you rejoined your little army.
"So, are we going to just walk out like a good little pony or do we have to drag you out?"
For a moment, the mare was filled with doubt. But then she lifted her head proudly and defiantly and made a hoof movement indicated she wanted to charge you.
"Oh, for fuck's sake! Aren't you hippies supposed to be pacifists? Let's just grab her and throw her out, boys."
As you and your comrades in arms grabbed hold of her, miss eco-terrorist quickly found out that passion was a poor substitute for size and strength. "No need to hurt her, just get her out of here." She was in a frenzy and desperately struggled to break free. It didn't matter. In a few moments, she was out of the door where you and your helpers threw her on the pavement.
"And stay out!"
The next day your work was interrupted by your secretary coming into your office. "Letter from princess Celestia."
Well, that was unexpected. "Maybe her grace wanted to become pen palls." You smirked at your own bad joke. "Give it here. Thank you, Paper Pusher."
You opened it, leaned back in your chair and started reading. "Miss Tree Hugger summons you to court on charge of pollution and assault and battery. Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia will judge your guilt or innocence."
You pressed a button on the intercom. "Paper Pusher, cancel all my appointments for Friday, I'm going to Canterlot."
The train started moving. You were still tired but you had a trial to get to on time. You'd be damned if you let that lunatic take your life's work away. You had packed schematics, statistics and graphs to prove Tree Hugger wrong. You had spend the entire evening gathering them up.
Looking at the windows, you started considering your situation. That Tree Hugger clearly wasn't the brightest spark in the night sky and more importantly, she was in the wrong. If you were given a fair trial, you'd wipe the floor with her. But it wasn't her you feared.
Were you going to get a fair trial? You were going to stand before Princess Celestia. You knew few things about her for certain. Before her, you were a worm, both magically, biologically and politically. She lifted the sun every day, you wrote with your mouth. She was young and beautiful when you were born, she'd be young and beautiful when you died and if she wished, she could make sure that that death didn't come out of old age.
The landscape before you mocked your concerns. You were fearing something you didn't really know, just like Tree Hugger. The sight of rolling farms worked by happy families didn't quite fit with the picture you were painting in your head of Equestria being ruled by a tyrant that executes ponies for shits and giggles. And neither did anything you've actually heard about Celestia's behavior. How anyone or anything could hold such power for so long and not become a cross between Sombra and Discord boggled your mind. As far as you knew that yet a single pony was to meet his or her death at her order. Magic she had in spades, but she didn't hold as political much power as most thought. The cities of Equestria acted more like independent states than as territories of hers, even the capital was ruled more by its nobles than by her. You were sure she could make an end to that and assume absolute control if she wished. It's hard to say no the the pony that moves the sun. That she hadn't done so in millennia spoke to a strength in character you couldn't help but admire. You were sure you'd go mad in her place.
You sighed. You were only doing guess work about Celestia. Perhaps she would acquit you. Perhaps she'd have her guards shove a red hot railroad spike up your ass. Perhaps she'd do neither. Perhaps she'd do both. You were still tired. Whatever she'd do, you'd find out soon enough and you'd face it and her with your head held high like you always faced life. You might be a worm before her in so many aspects, but you weren't going to behave like one. And if she chose to crush you with her hoof for that or any other reason, then so be it. After having made peace with whatever faith waited you, you leaned back and closed you eyes.
The train coming to a halt woke you up. You stepped out and started walking towards the palace. You weren't here as a tourist so you made haste and got there in no time.
You approached one of the guards and hand him the letter summoning you. He skimmed it.
"Come with me, Sir."
You followed him as he leads you into the hall. Tree Hugger was already there. Her eyes were still red, but mellow instead of angry. You should have guessed that her little stunt in your plant was drug induced. You had to give her credit for not taking whatever had caused her outburst on her trial. One little lash out at you or Celestia forbid Celestia and the guards would have repurposed her dreadlocks as a mop, which would have taken care of your problem right there.
You trotted in head held high as you had promised yourself in the train. Instead of prostrating yourself like other ponies did before her, you nodded. Guards didn't like that act of disrespect towards their Princess one bit. If anyone's mane was on its way to be turned into a cleaning utensil, it was yours. The Princess herself was slightly amused though.
"It seems you have decided to start my trial before my arrival, Princess. I do hope I didn't miss the verdict."
There was something mocking in your tone, which only soured further the way the guards were looking at you.
Celestia paused. "No, not at all. Everypony should get a chance to tell their side of the story. Tree Hugger really cares about nature so she was really enthusiastic to tell hers. Her friend Fluttershy had insisted I hear her out as soon as possible."
Nepotism was going to be the end of Equestria at this pace.
"Enthusiastic is one way of calling her behavior. Did she tell you what she did that day?"
"She said she had protested against "your oppression of Gaia"." the last bit Celestia said with a bit of skepticism. You took it as a good omen.
"She chained herself to a coffee machine and she screamed her lungs out until we cut her chains loose. She tried to charge me and my employees but then we threw her out." you explained dryly.
Celestia looked at Tree Hugger. "Is that true, Tree Hugger?" she said in the tone of a disappointed mother.
"That day is a bit fussy for me." she answered hesitantly.
"How surprising." you exclaimed sarcastically.
"What's that supposed to mean, dude?" she answered irritated.
"You tell me."
Tree Hugger groaned. She of course wasn't going to explain to the Princess how her supposed assault and battery was just her drug fueled rampage being stopped in its tracks.
You dropped your bag full of data before you. "Before me I have all information about my plant, Princess. I could bore you by meticulously explaining its every function to you, but instead I'll prove that while my accuser has her heart in the right place, she doesn't have a clue what she's talking about. Tree Hugger, name one component I manufacture."
Tree Hugger just started mumbling. You just enjoyed your swift victory. Your eyes trailed off to Celestia who was looking pitifully at Tree Hugger.
You pulled out a pieces of paper from your bag. You handed it to Tree Hugger. She stared at it. "Tri... trime.... trimethy..."
"I rest my case." you interrupted her.
"I guess you have." Princess Celestia confirmed.
So, this was it. You were fearing the worst and yet this went like a breeze. You were lucky enough to go run your business like a free pony. But you've always believed that luck was there to be pushed. You looked at Princess Celestia again. There was something alluring in her. She'd look good in bondage. Part of you was screaming at you how insane trying to confirm that thought would be, but that made it more appealing.
"This trial is over, you may both go home." Celestia announced.
Tree Hugger started walking out of the hall, her face full of dejection and shame. Instead you started walking towards Celestia's throne, up the stairs.
"I'd prefer not to, Princess. We have something else to discuss."
Midway climbing the stairs towards her throne, you were interrupted by a guard's spear point flashing before your face. You had previously made peace with far worse than a spear being waved in front of you so you remained mostly unphased.
"Lay down your arms. I only wish to have a more personal talk with the Princess about something that's dear to my heart. I do not want to hurt her." Yet.
The guard looked skeptically at Celestia. She looked back with concern and confusion but nodded at him. The guard withdrew his spear and you finished climbing the stairs and sat down next to the throne. Even though you were sitting on the floor, you did so with confidence. Your posture shined with pride. You could almost call it regal.
"So," Celestia looked down on you like you were some scam artist "what do you want to talk about?"
"Becoming your adviser."
"Is that really so personal?" she replied. There was something in the way she spoke that made you want confess all your sins and schemes. Millennia of rule had honed this skill of hers to perfection. But it did require ponies to want to bend before her. You were planning quite the opposite. So you suppressed that desire to confess and continued just as boldly as before.
"It is. I want to advise you on my line of work, chemistry. It is a growing industry. You will have to face issues like the one you faced today more often. I wish to help Equestria by helping you."
To be fair, you were only telling half truths. The chemical industry might be growing but it was still tiny. You were feigning most of your usefulness to her.
"How noble of you." she answered with the same accusatory voice. You still weren't planning on letting it get to you.
"Thank you, Princess." you answered pretending you didn't get her inquisitory hints.
"So, did you really have to climb up my stairs and sit next to my throne to give me that offer?"
"From what I've heard about you, you like personal interactions with your subjects. I wasn't going to talk about something so close to my heart as my work from way over there." you pointed to the place you stood before.
"Is chemistry the only thing you'd advise me on?"
With each sentence her tone was less that of an interrogator and more of one of curiosity.
"If you so wish, Princess, yes. But I'm no one trick pony."
For some reason your species delighted in making and hearing cheesy puns about itself and you were no exception. She chuckled. She wasn't an exception either.
"Well, what should I do now, then, adviser?"
Her tone had now a tiny hint of playfulness.
"From what I've seen, you don't have any petitioners in your castle today. Any appointments?"
"Not for a few hours, for once."
Lucky you. That window of opportunity was just what you needed.
"You look bored, Princess. I suggest getting some distraction. I would hate for you turn your subjects into your playthings out of boredom."
"I would never do that!" she protested.
"I would hope so. I've only heard good things of your rule, but when was the last time you took a break from it?"
"Well, erm..."
You turned to the guard who had previously pointed his spear at you.
"Could you guarantee the Princess safety if we were to take a stroll through the city?"
"That's none of your business, worm." he growled at you.
You understood well why him and his comrades hatred of you. For them, Celestia was no mere mare. She was a symbol for which they had sworn to give their lives. Their combat effectiveness was never tested, luckily for Equestria, but their devotion was beyond doubt. You strutting in like a peacock while all others cowered before her could never sit right with them.
"That's no way to talk to my adviser, Chainmail Lancer." Celestia scolded him.
"I... I'm sorry Princess." he looked at you with regretful eyes "Yes, we can guarantee her safety no matter where she goes."
Well, not if another Discord, Nightmare Moon or whatever enemy she had beaten 1000 years ago decided to rear his/her or its ugly head again. But you kept that musing to yourself.
"Thank you." you looked at Celestia "Shall we see what your capital has to offer, Princess?"
"Where will we be going?"
"We'll see when we get there."
Celestia couldn't suppress a smile.
She stood up from her throne. Only then did it really dawn on you how much taller she is than you even though you weren't the shortest stallion around. You were filled with a new found sympathy for stallionlets and their attempts to get laid. You stood up as well. Both of you started descending the stairs. Once you were down them, two guards flanked you both.
"Do you know Canterlot?"
"First time I'm here."
"Don't think you should get a guide then?"
"Where's the fun in that?"
Celestia laughed.
"Alright. I'll take your word for it, adviser."
The gates of the castle slammed open. Trumpets blew. A crowd gathered around said castle. You and Celestia started crossing the courtyard.
“Princess Celestia and… her adviser.” a guard heralded.
If there was anything the Equestrian military was good at, it was showing off. It helped to keep inconvenient questions at bay, such us why a place that had never been to war had a standing army.
You ignored the commotion in order to quickly consider your next step while walking. First of all, you could stop pursuing your goal of trying to tie up and fuck a Princess and take your newfound position as more than a convenient stepping stone to that goal. Be altruistic for once. Then you could for example judge cases in Celestia’s place,… and deal with all the Tree Huggers that inhabited Equestria. Or you could attend ceremonial banquets with the nobility with her and jump though all the hoops nobles call etiquette. Nope, the very idea of doing those things for any period of time already filled you with suicidal thoughts.
Next, you could try to woo her with Canterlot’s luxury. Stallions brought mares here just to do that. But wooing a mare that had lived for generations in a palace with luxury was like trying to impress a fish with water.
So, just do the exact opposite. Find the seediest part of Canterlot and take the Princess there. If anything, at least she’d have something to remember you by.
While you were thinking, you had crossed said courtyard.
“Where now, adviser?”
Seediest part of Canterlot. Right. If there was such a thing, it’d be on the edge of the city as far away from the castle as possible. You trusted your genetic boorishness to help find it and started walking. Celestia followed.
For the first time, you took in the scenery. The bombastic architecture formed a sharp contrast to Manehattan’s austere practicality, but for now it had its charm on you. You were sure you’d tire of it if you lived here though. The building were dotted with staring and whispering unicorns. They were mostly curios why a simple businessstallion was walking besides Celestia. You were way underdressed for your new office, but you weren't traveling home to fix that. You had a goal to get.
“There’s been something I’ve been wondering, Princess.”
“What is it?”
“Everywhere I look here, I see luxury. How is this possible? Where does this city get the money?”
“Do you know the history of Canterlot?”
“No, my school focused on earthpony history.”
“I love teaching ponies.”
“So I’ve heard. I’m sure you’d make a great teacher if you didn’t have this little gig of moving the sun and ruling Equestria to keep you busy.”
She laughed.
“Well, I do prefer teaching ponies through experience rather than telling them the lesson outright.”
“That’s kind of hard to do with history.”
“There are ways.”
“Yes, let’s mess up the history of Equestria to teach the history of Equestria. Good job, Princess” you sneered.
“Okay, I’ll tell you. Canterlot is build on a system of caves filled with gems.”
“So the ponies here are miners?”
You weren’t feigning your interest. Random useless trivia was a hobby of yours.
“Once. Long ago, ponies used to have a next to impossible time mining and prospecting. The unicorns of Canterlot had an inherent advantage due to the caves here. They almost held a monopoly on the production of gemstones and thus Canterlot grew big and wealthy.”
She paused. She then continued with a grim tone.
“Then came my falling out with my sister. After we fought I couldn’t bear to look at the castle we once shared. Then came along grand consul, well then still mayor Goldbanner.”
Her tone changed. She evidently was quite fond of this Goldbanner.
“He was a slender elegant stallion with a golden mane and coat and blue eyes. He was the ideal Canterlot noble before there even were Canterlot nobles. You remind me of him.”
You and this Goldbanner couldn’t look less alike. He embodied nobility, you looked just like the farmpony you were blood wise, swarthy, tall and wide. Yet you took this comparison as another good omen.
“Canterlot by then had build up quite the treasury. Once Goldbanner had heard of my plight, he approached me and offered to build a new palace for me in his city.”
“How noble of him.”
“He did ask a few favors in return though.”
“Favors like what?”
For a second Celestia was stumped.
“…Well, first of all, I gave him the title of grand consul instead of mayor. Second, I created the Canterlot nobility by giving titles to a few prominent miner families. I also promised to participate in any ceremony the city hosted with these nobles. This made Canterlot the envy of Equestria and Goldbanner the envy of all Equestrian mayors.”
Yet again, she went silent for a moment. You suspected this Goldbanner got other favors from her as well. Even though she wasn’t yours yet, you felt a hint of jealousy.
“Ponies from all of Equestria gathered to help build it. Unbeknownst to me Goldbanner had even allowed quite a few fillies and colts to works on the construction of my future seat. It was a more primitive time back then. But that last act would almost spell the end of Canterlot.”
You sharpened your ears.
“When my palace was finished, the workers had learned quite a bit from its construction. By either luck or Goldbanner’s competence, all the foals had survived this experience unscratched and most had grown up and gotten cutie marks in some form of construction. Once the castle was done they returned to their place of origin. The knowledge they brought was just what the rest of Equestria needed to break Canterlot’s mining monopoly. Soon other mines were begun to crop up that produced gems in both higher quality and quantity than the Canterlot mines.”
Her voice yet again got somber timbre
“The mountainous terrain of Canterlot isn’t good for anything else. The city soon started to descend into squalor. The young started to scatter in search of greener pasture. I could only watch as the city became ever more grim. Meanwhile Goldbanner did everything he could to keep his city from fading away, but it only served to delay its decline. He for example revoked titles of nobility from anypony that moved out of Canterlot. He invested what remained of the treasury in academia in a last gamble, but the graduates still scattered once they got their diploma.”
Almost as if influenced by Celestia’s sad recollections, your surroundings had changed. The buildings around you had clearly seen better days. They were still fancy compared to the rest of Equestria, but they paled compared to the rest of Canterlot. You were on the right track.
“One day everything turned around. One of these scattered youths had made a fortune and had returned to his place of birth to restore his family home to its former state. Goldbanner hosted a parade through the city in his honor and declared him Seneschal. Of course I had to attend. Soon others returned and got similar treatment. Here lies the secret of Canterlot’s wealth. Goldbanner made it a great honor for unicorns to live here. Every one of them that has the money and cares such things tries to buy his or her ancestral home and restore it or even further beautify it in the hopes that they too might one day be declared part of the nobility and even become grand consul. Every generation raised here scatters, but part of them always returns with pride in their heart and the funds needed to keep this city running.”
“So you could have explained this by just saying that Canterlot is Equestria’s resort for rich and proud unicorns.”
She chuckled at your bluntness.
“Yes, but then I wouldn’t have the chance to teach you about this place’s history.”
Just then, luck struck again. A bar with “OVEČ” written above it. You were in for a treat and Celestia was in for a wild ride.
You walked into the bar. Before Celestia had a chance to follow the guards surrounding you rushed in with all the subtlety of a train wreck, turning the place upside down.
"Hey, what is this shit?" an accented voice protested loudly. You recognized it. The guards ignored it.
"Bottle, you motherfucker, you fucking did it, you madman. Even named it after the village!" you answered, just as loudly. The barman came from the back room.
"Yeah, like the place?" he gloated back at you. He was an old friend from the village you were born in. The only unicorn there, besides his father, the brewer. When you still lived there, he'd go on and on about how one day he'd start his own bar in Canterlot. How he'd take his father's fruit brandy there and show the stuck up unicorns there what they were missing.
Well, they were a few problems with that plan. First of all, basic biology. Said brandy classified as a weapon of mass destruction. There was liquor, and there was the liquor with over 70% alcohol from your region that made that liquor look like a sports drink for little fillies. It was one thing to sell that to earth ponies outside your region, it was another to try and sell it to the delicate and soft unicorns of Canterlot. Second,...
"What have you been up to, asshole?"
..., there was the fact that ponies from your region used profanities like commas and dots. It really said a lot when life in Manehattan had a civilizing influence on you. In a city as stuck up as Canterlot, poor Bottle didn't have a chance. You had heard his father tell him that multiple times, but nobody ever listened to Martini. Considering the bar was empty he might have had a point. Considering a Princess was about to enter it, Bottle's luck would likely turn.
"Started a chemical plant and I'm running it. Nothing to brag about." you joked.
"He has also recently become a royal adviser." Celestia chimed in.
She had silently observer your whole exchange. You had to hand it to her for going unnoticed. Bottle's face turned bright red. He immediately prostrated himself deeper than anypony you'd ever seen.
"I'm... so sorry.... you had to see that,... Princess." he stammered out.
"That's quite alright. I love learning about my subjects' conduct, no matter how peculiar it might be." she assured him.
"Get up, Bottle, and go get the best of your father's work. Make sure it's good enough for a Princess." you commanded.
You'd never seen a barman run as quick to get an order in your life. You and Celestia barely had a chance to sit down before a shot of fruit brandy was placed before both of you. Celestia looked at it with suspicion then looked at you. You smirked as a devious plan popped inside your head. You drank it in one go. Your eyes watered a bit, your throat burned, but you could still taste the pears and cherry plums the drink was made out of. Just as you predicted, Celestia followed your example. She then started to dry heave and cough like she was about to die. Seeing Bottle quiver because of the whole farce kind of took some of the fun away though.
"You alright there, Princess?"
"Yes." she managed to get out, with tears in her eyes.
"Good. Bottle, give us both another one...." you spotted the guard that shoved a spear in your face and called you a worm next to you "... and bring an unopened bottle of that stuff here."
Bottle served you both again and brought the bottle you requested. He had calmed down a bit. The bottle had a hoof painted label with place of birth's name on it.
"Chainmail Lancer," you handed the bottle to the guard "let's put our differences aside. I trust you're responsible enough to only drink this of duty?"
"Yes, Sir... Thank you." he responded and pocketed the bottle.
You instinctively had this feeling that you had to keep the guards on your good side or bad things would happen and when someone hates you, just bribe them with booze. How's that for a friendship lesson, Princess Twilight?
You drank your shot in one go again. Celestia hesitated for a bit but did the same. This time, the coughing fit was a bit milder. In the meantime you considered whether or not giving alcohol to a godlike being was a smart idea. Surely an alicorn that was a head taller than you could drink you under the table?
"Another one."
Bottle obliged. This time Celestia didn't hesitate. You drank almost in sync.
"So, what happened to that Goldbanner?" you blurted out.
Dumbass. Your professional life had clearly gotten your liver out of practice for you to do something as stupid as ask the pony you wanted to fuck about what you knew well was a former partner.
"He died of old age in the hooves of his lover, surrounded by his wife and kids, content about all he had accomplished."
"And how did he arrange that?"
"He told his wife that his lover was trying to heal him with her alicorn magic."
"He was a bit of a selfish asshole, huh?"
"Kind of like a stallion who'd trick a mare into drinking throat burning liquor in one go for his amusement." she riposted.
"Clever girl." you grinned back.
"I'm not as sheltered as my subjects think. I think you and Goldbanner would have gotten along quite well if you lived during the same time."
"I doubt that."
"What because you two would want the same pony? You don't strike me as somepony who'd want government office, after all."
"You hit the nail on the head, Princess." you retorted.
Celestia clearly wasn't a pushover. Surprisingly, it wasn't because of her position or because of her magical power, but because of her personality. She was smart enough to see through your bullshit and brave enough to call you out. You liked the challenge.
"Why should ponies that compete for something or someone be enemies afterwards?"
"Instinct, I suppose."
"It's instinct for ponies to be afraid of ponies with power for example, and you seem to have tamed this instinct quite well."
She was making you put your cards on the table. You weren't planning on folding though.
"And why should I fear ponies with power?"
She was stumped for a moment.
"Because ponies with power could have ponies without power put to death." Celestia snapped.
She clearly didn't like her power being dismissed.
"All non-alicorn ponies die, Princess. But not all of them live." you replied boldly.
"I could have you tortured." she said grimly.
"All ponies suffer. I could have cancerous tumors growing in me as we speak. Why should I fear you giving me more of what fate gives everpony in plenty already?"
Celestia had no answer to this question.
"But let's be fair, Princess. You could never torture or kill me for being a bit of a jackass and look your subjects or yourself in the eyes afterwards. Am I wrong?"
"I'm sorry I even threatened you. I didn't know what came over me."
"Not a problem. But I should punish you for that. We can't have you make a habit of this behavior."
"So, you think you're in a position to discipline Princesses now?" she laughed.
"Yes, my rise to power has been meteoric. If it continues I should be moving the sun in your place by this time next Sunday."
"I doubt that. But I have been a bad filly. Perhaps tonight, someone should teach me a lesson."
"Why tonight? You think is any worse for things that that than Luna's night? Let's go back to the palace right now."
You left a generous amount of bits on the counter and jumped off your chair before Celestia could answer. She followed.
"Ever ridden an alicorn?"
"I'm about to."
"You are, but not in the way you think. Get your mind out of the gutter and climb onto my back."
She lowered her back in a way that showed clearly that her intentions were non-sexual for now. Filled with curiosity you humored her.
"Hold on tight."
You grabbed her neck tightly with your hooves. Then Celestia spread her wings. You saw where this was going. For once you were about to lose your composure. Your heart was about to burst from your chest. You instinctively closed your eyes.
Then she took off, with you on her. You flew! You actually flew! This had to be a dream. Yet the feeling in your belly proved it real. Not a million years would you think you, an earth pony would ever fly. Not in this way at least. Balloons could in no way compare to this. Yet again, that cynical part of you that armed you against the world chimed in, this time to remind you how after a while you'd cease to be amazed by this, the same way pegasi stopped being impressed with the fact that they could fly after taking a flight a few times, but you couldn't care less. You were lost in the moment.
You opened your eyes. Even now, guards surrounded Celestia. Pegasi, obviously. The royal guard wasn't catapulting unicorns and earth ponies to protect the Princess while in flight, hilarious as that might be. You looked down. Canterlot looked tiny, its proud citizenry, mere ants bellow you. You could fall to your death because of this, but while falling, you wouldn't have regretted a thing. You would have splattered on the streets of Canterlot with a smile on your face.
"Grab me as tight as you can."
You gripped her neck so tight you were sure you were hurting her. Then she started doing aileron rolls. You fully lost it.
"URAAAA" you cried out revealing your boorish origin again.
"Stop shouting in my ear, please."
"My apologies, Princess." you stammered out, somehow.
You were about to pass out. While you'd be content if your life ended here, it'd be a bit of a pity, so you resisted the urge and kept holding on. She stopped spinning. The castle was bellow you. She started to descend. You were filled with both gratefulness and regret at the same time. This experience was coming to an end.
Celestia's hooves touched the ground. You jumped off. Part of you was relieved. Part of you already missed the skies.
You stumbled as you reconsidered your position. You loved taking mares out of their comfort zone, but never before had the favor been repaid with such interest. Alicorn or not, she wasn't getting the best of you. When in doubt, say something clever.
"Was endangering your adviser's life really that wise, Princess?"
"You seemed to enjoy it quite a bit."
"I didn't ask if it was enjoyable, I asked if it was wise."
"My guards would have saved you if you had fallen off. They're no wonderbolts, but they know what they're doing."
"I did make a promise. I'm going to need some tools to fulfill it though."
"Tools? You mean toys? I've got quite the collection." she said proudly.
She started walking somewhere. You followed this time.
"Really? Should a Princess be spending her subjects money for such things?" you jabbed in a playful tone.
"If I wanted, I could have this whole place gold plated. I admit I live a life of luxury, but it isn't a life of decadence. My subjects barely notice they pay for me."
"Don't blow your own horn, Princess. It makes you look bad. That's for them to decide."
You followed her into her bedroom. It was austere compared to what you imagined it. She wasn't lying. She walked over to her bed, opened her night stand and took out a rusty key. She looked at it surprised for a moment and then went to a closet. You observed her quietly. Both of you seemed to have this habit.
She unlocked a closet. You moved closer to look inside. Whips, paddles, hoofcufs, corsets, plugs,... So that's one way Celestia fought the boredom that came with immortality. It was quite the collection. Was. The wood was rotten. The leather had almost turned to dust. The rubber had turned to stone. The metal had rusted away.
"Princess, these belong in a museum, not the bedroom. It's been a while, hasn't it?"
Celestia sighed deeply. "You'd swear every stallion in Equestria was gelded by the way they behaved around me."
"Not every stallion." you said filled with smug pride.
"Right. Well, as you said, you did make me a promise. It'd be a terrible shame if the royal adviser couldn't fulfill a promise to a Princess."
"Got a garden shed?"
"A garden shed?"
She was slightly taken off guard.
"Yes, don't worry. I won't be bringing any sheers or or saws."
"It's in the garden."
"Duh. Thanks, Princess."
You made your way to said garden. The castle was intuitively designed. The castle garden was filled with school foals. It was a popular school trip location, though the school you had gone to preferred trips to the local farms. The garden was well kept, large and filled with all sorts of weird animals from all over Equestria. If it didn't practically function as a park, it could have been the one thing about Celestia's castle to be called decadent.
You spotted the garden shed. An elderly goat was just entering it while whistling. You approached him.
"You the gardener?"
"Yes, sonny."
"I'm the new royal adviser. Pleased to meet you. I'm going to need some of your tools. May I look around in there?"
"Sure, but may I know why the royal adviser needs my gardening tools?"
"It's a state secret."
"Well, okay."
You entered the shed. It was well stocked, but there were only a few things that could be useful to you. You looked around. Rope, a classic. A scrubbing brush. A marker, probably to write what was growing in pots on them. You pocketed the marker, tossed the rope on your back and took the brush in your mouth.
"I was just about to scrub the floors." the gardener protested when he saw you leaving.
You spat out the brush in your hoof.
"I'm sure the Princess will understand if her floors go unscrubbed for a while. Go and take a long break. You've earned it."
The gardener didn't need to be told that twice. He was out of your mane. You sighed and put the brush back in your mouth. How you and every other earth pony hadn't died of salmonella yet was a miracle. You made your way back to the Princess' bedroom. Before you entered the you approached one of the guards.
"Don't enter, no matter what you hear. The Princess has been looking forward to this moment. She'll be very upset if you interrupt it."
"Okay, Sir." he answered, with a bit of hesitation.
Your bases had now been covered. No interruption from the guards. Celestia had taken the time to strike a suggestive pose on her bed. Her face was filled with lust, but also with a hint of challenge.
"You think jute rope can restrain an alicorn?"
"An alicorn like you that wants to be restrained can be restrained with dental floss, Princess."
"Who told you I wanted to be restrained?"
"Was I wrong? Shall I leave you to your geldings then?"
Celestia gave you a defeated look and stuck out her hooves. You started tying them together. As any earth pony, you had been forced to develop a handiness from childhood to compensate for you lacking levitation magic. Still, when you were done, you couldn't help but feel proud of your work. Celestia looked truly helpless.
"So I can't struggle?"
"No, go ahead. Just don't use your alicorn magic to turn me into a newt."
"A newt?"
"Or whatever else you can do with your alicorn magic. I'm no magic expert, obviously."
You moved behind her. Celestia struggled a bit against he bonds, but didn't use her magic to free herself or turn you into a newt, so she was playing by your rules.
You took the brush in your mouth again. You then tenderly petted her ass with your hoof. Her skin was plump soft, just as plump soft as you'd expect from a mare that had lived a near eternity in luxury. You exerted a bit of pressure as if to assert ownership.
Swiftly and mercilessly, you stuck her with the brush. Celestia flinched, but she was tied well, so her movement was limited. A nasty red mark appeared on her spoiled skin where you had hit her. She whimpered.
"Want mercy already, Princess?" you mocked, speaking with your mouth full.
"Why, are you tired already?" she mocked back.
She was going to regret that, sort of. You already knew she planned for you to unleash everything you had on her when she mocked you back. You didn't mind. You threw yourself into a frenzy. Hit after hit landed on her gentle skin. She struggled against her bonds, like you permitted, but her horn remained unused to save her from your cruelty. Celestia made sounds that reminded you more of an animal in a life and death struggle than a suzerain. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't break free from her bonds without her magic.
"Mercy, mercy! I give up." she finally cried out.
She had held out commendably. You admired your handiwork. Her backside was now bright red. You had even broken the skin on a few places and tiny red streams were showing where. She was going to need extra soft pillows on her throne for a while. You looked a bit further down. She was soaked. She had clearly enjoyed herself. And considering what was throbbing between your own legs, she wasn't the only one.
You fumbled with your pocket a bit and pulled out the marker. You were still behind Celestia, out of her field of view.
"What are you doing?"
You ignored her question. Instead you started writing on her white, well now red, skin.
"That tickles. What are you writing.... P...G?"
"Pig. The way you're soaked it's quite fitting."
"Where's the i?"
"The i was already there."
It took a few moments for Celestia to catch up what you were talking about.
"Will the marker wash off?"
"I don't have a clue. Don't care, Princess. You'll have to cover your flank for a few days regardless if you don't wan't your subjects to find out about your private life."
"You're an asshole."
"Yes, we already covered that in the bar. How about you use that mouth for something more useful that restating the blatantly obvious?"
You moved over to her her head, taking care to push her horn aside. Celestia was practically a piece of furniture at this point, to be used at your liking. You placed your member near her face, but just out of her reach.
"Beg, Princess."
By this point, "Princess" had come to be a synonym for "whore" or "slut" and both of you knew it.
"Really?"
You laughed. Even in this predicament, tied up, ass beaten bright red, dripping in excitement from what happened to her, there was still a bit of resistance in her.
"Yes, Princess, really."
"Please,... let me taste your cock, adviser." she stammered out awkwardly.
"You can do better than that, Princess. You shouldn't be telling me that you want to taste my cock, you should convince me to let you do it."
"I'll lick you."
"Oh, Princess. That's just teasing. By now it should be blatantly obvious who's teasing who."
"I'll suck you off."
"Tempting, but a businessstalion like me knows when he can get a better deal."
"Please fuck my throat, adviser."
"Beg harder."
"Please, please, fuck..."
You interrupted her by obliging her request. Clearly taken off guard, she gagged while you slid into her throat, though she took you like a champ. She coughed when you pulled back out all the way.
"Did I tell you to stop begging?"
"But you already started." she protested.
"I know, but I might change my mind."
It was one thing to fuck a mare's body. It was another, far more satisfying thing to fuck her mind while fucking her body.
"Please..."
Yet again, you interrupted her mid sentence by plunging down her throat again. This time, she took you flawlessly, apart from her eyes watering a bit. Impressed, you thought it'd be only fair to ramp up the challenge. You grabbed her horn for extra leverage and started moving as fast as you could.
Once in a while you paused, pulled back and gave her a breather. Celestia, while clearly in need of said breather, still managed to get out a "Please" like you had ordered her. Meanwhile, you considered your situation. You were holding the horn that lifted the sun. That every filly, colt, mare, stallion, griffin, diamond dog... every creature in Equestria depended on for sunlight, and you were basically using it as a sex aid. There was something philosophical about it. You pulled back again.
"Thank me."
"Thank you." she panted.
You started rubbing your member over her face.
"Keep thanking me, Princess."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." she repeated while you covered her face with her own saliva.
While barely stimulating, doing that to a Princess felt delightful. After satisfied with your new humiliation of her Highness, you plunged yourself down her throat, without warning of course.
This being the third time, she welcomed you without a hitch. Her warm throat felt even better after you went out your way to further abase her. Part of it was because degrading mares got your rocks off, part of it was because Celestia was actively trying to maximize your pleasure by humming.
"You enjoying yourself, Princess?" you asked when you gave her her next breather.
"Yes, thank you." she managed to pant before your cock pushed back in.
Celestia continued to thank you each time during each break you gave her. You had trained her well by now. You figured that if you came down her throat and left her unpleasured and unsatisfied, she'd still be grateful afterwards. But you were too much of a gentlestallion to do than. And Celestia called you an asshole, smsh.
You popped your cock out and ruffled her waving hair like you would a dog.
"Good girl."
She smiled.
You walked behind her. A puddle had formed beneath her. She wasn't lying when she told you she was having fun. She was lying sideways the way her hooves were tied together, so the only way you could fuck her was by spooning her. How romantic. When you lied down besides her, the first thing you got was an annoying facefull of her magical hair. You swiftly took care of that by spinning your hoof in it like a fork in spaghetti. The way Celestia's hair got tangled around it looked quite painful, but neither of you minded.
"What do you want me to do to you?" you asked.
"Fuck me!" she answered with desperation in her voice.
You pulled her hair tighter.
"First of all, Princess, you're in no position to order me. You beg."
"Please, fuck me." she obliged.
"Please, fuck you where?"
"My pussy, please."
"Why should I?"
"Huh?"
"Sell that pussy to me, Princess. Advertise it."
Only a businessstallion like you could have said something like that.
"Please, fuck my warm, wet, soft pussy."
"Sold."
You pulled her hair again and entered her. As advertised, she was warm, wet and soft. She moaned in delight. She had waited for this quite some time and you had done your best to make her go almost mad with anticipation. You started using her.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." she repeated.
Even now she remembered her orders. That delighted you, but it got old fast.
"No more talking, Princess."
Only moans left her mouth now, which she tried to muffle. Being able to fuck a hole without having to pause every minute was a welcome change of pace. You bit down on her neck. Considering you had never eaten a piece of meat in your life, you felt like an idiot, but the moan Celestia failed to subdue showed her appreciation. When you let go, your teeth had still left a pretty red mark.
Soon, her slit started to contract. You pulled her hair some more. Your efforts to drive her out of her mind were paying off. She desperately tried to suppress her sounds of ecstasy, yet hopelessly failed. Technically you hadn't forbidden her from moaning, but you weren't going to stop your new plaything from fulfilling your orders as zealously as possible. Other stallions would have been at least so romantic to try and come at the same time as her, but you came when you felt like it so you kept going.
Stimulation after orgasm was always torturous. That's why you always wound up your partners, speeding up theirs while stoically controlling yours. Celestia made some delightfully desperate sounds as she got to experience that habit of yours firsthoof.
"Want me to stop, Princess?"
After a few moments she shook her head in response. The best kind of torture was the one the victim wanted to stop but didn't want to stop at the same time.
You managed to repeat said post-orgasmic abuse twice more. Whether this was thanks your self-control or her excitement, you couldn't tell. Sadly, her whimpers and moans started to sound less desperate and more tired at this point. In the meantime, you had added quite a few more bite marks on the Princess and had almost pulled her mane almost from her head. But all good things have to come to an end. You plunged into her one last time and started filling her with your seed. Celestia shivered in delight.
"You really needed that, din't you?"
She nodded enthusiastically.
You pulled out of her. Both of you were a mess. Your cum was dripping from her and was sticking to your tip. Her juices were everywhere. Your tights were practically swimming in them. Thankfully you knew what could fix that. You got up and placed your crotch in Celestia's face again.
"Clean me, Princess."
She enthusiastically started sucking and licking. She started with you member, obviously, and did a little more than was necessary for cleaning. It was a gentle, relaxing feeling. She then dutifully turned to your tights and started licking them clean.
When satisfied with her work, you got off the bed and started pacing. You needed your own breather, to stretch your legs a bit. You started pacing around in Celestia's bedroom.
"You may talk again."
"Won't you untie me?"
"Why? Round two is coming right up."
You walked over to Celestia's bookshelf. You were impressed by its diversity. Romance, poetry, history, natural science... You were filled with something akin to fatherly pride when you spotted, be it a very basic, chemistry book. There was one genre, that was over-represented though. Pure smut, even more evidence of how many lonely nights Celestia had been through. For some reason mares didn't think that kind of stuff was embarrassing. You started reading the titles. "A Sweet Craving". "You Take My Breath Away". "A Royal Conquest". How meta. Thankfully, no black hole appeared from the logical paradox of you reading the last one, so you could safely return to give the Princess the second round you promised her.
You started pacing around her bed specifically.
"Well, Princess, you don't need me to tell you that I've left you quite a mess down there. Surely you'd have a better place to welcome your most prized adviser?"
"Yes, I do." she answered enthusiastically.
Figures. She had had ample time to develop a liking to her back door being used. 2 holes aren't enough to relieve millennia worth of boredom.
"And where's that?"
"My ass."
You got closer to her.
"You already know what to do from last time, Princess."
She hesitated for a moment.
"Beg. Advertise." you reminded her.
"Please, fuck my ass. It's nice and tight." she obliged.
"With pleasure."
You lied down next to her like before. Then you cursed under your breath as you got another facefull of rainbow hair. . Long hair was turn on for you, but dear Celestia, it could be a pain in the ass to deal with, and whatever magic kept it waving was only making things worse. A minor setback. You again tangled her mane around your hoof and started pushing in. Again, she didn't lie. She was tight. You started moving in and out.
"Out of practice, huh, Princess?"
She nodded.
"Am I hurting you?"
She nodded again.
"Want me to stop?"
She shook her head.
"Thought so."
You picked up the pace.
"Make yourself as tight as you can for me, Princess."
She obliged just as enthusiastically as you expected her to at this point. You could barely move in her. That had to hurt like hell, but in now was that a problem. Celestia started moaning, this time without any attempt to muffle herself.
"Try and be quiet again, Princess. The way you struggled to be silent was adorable."
She once more tried to silent herself, this time, you had to admit, with a bit more success. You meanwhile had picked up the pace, despite Celestia's resistance.
A few moments later she started to contract. Her moans got louder and less contained. She was having an orgasm just from anal.
"You belong in a brothel, Princess, not a castle." you mocked cruelly.
No other pony would have dared to say that.
"I belong... anywhere you... want me to be,... adviser." she moaned.
After her orgasm had subsided she asked "Would you come... visit me there?"
"Perhaps." you teased.
A bit later you yourself were panting. You thought that males shouldn't make sounds during sex, but you couldn't help yourself. You were for once in one boat with your plaything.
"You'd need... a few days... to recover... from my visits." you said before starting to fill Celestia's ass with your cum.
You stuck yourself balls deep and filled her up. Only when both of you stopped panting did you pull out.
"Thank you again." she said already with a bit of regality regained "And I wouldn't have your "visits" go any other way."
You were already walking to her face.
"You want me to clean you again?" she asked.
"Yes, you're a fast learner, Princess."
"I suppose I owe you that much at least."
She started licking you, though this time very gently. Both of you were tired at this point. You were once again stroking her head like a puppy.
"What time is it?" she asked when you were satisfied with her work and pulled back.
You looked at your wristwatch. "5 past 9,..., time sure flies when you're having fun." you grinned at her, knowing both of you had fucked up. You started to untie her. Her struggling had made this easier said than done.
"Guess ponies will be getting... How late are you with lowering the sun?"
"20 minutes." she said annoyed.
"20 minutes of extra sunlight."
"I also had an appointment to a toast with the grand consul."
"Celebrating what?"
Celestia couldn't answer.
"Doesn't sound important. I'll deal with it for you."
"You?"
"Yes. I managed to turn a trial against me into government office and government office into sex with Equestria's prettiest mare. You think I can't handle some grumpy nobles?"
She laughed.
"Well, guess that's one issue covered. Finish untying me so I can fix the other."
"Done."
Celestia waddled over to the window and lowered the sun. Then she came back and collapsed next to you. You thought she'd fall asleep immediately, but instead she gripped you tightly with her hooves first.
"I might never like that Goldbanner, but he sure chose a nice place to kick the bucket" you thought before closing your eyes.
You woke up. The sun was shining. Celestia was gone. Obviously, she was an early riser. The bed was a smelly mess and so were you. You took a moment of silence for the pony that would have to launder the sheets and got out of bed.
You exited Celestia's room and approached the nearest guard.
"Princess Celestia expects you in the dining hall, Sir." he blurted out before you could say a word.
"Right. But I can't show myself before her like this. Do you know where there's a shower?"
"Right over there, Sir" he pointed to a nearby door.
"Thanks. Keep up the good work."
Yet again, that instinct that told you that you should keep the guards on your good side spoke.
You entered the door to see a regular bathroom, with a tub with a shower, though the faucets clearly weren't designed for ponies without magic. You were going to have a hellish time getting the water right by trying to turn said faucets with your mouth.
After you got out after said shower, you were surprised your skin didn't fall off by the way it had been scalded, but at least you didn't smell like dead squirrels, which is always a plus. You dried yourself and walked out.
You approached the same guard.
"Where's this dining hall?"
"Down that corridor, right, then first door to the left."
You entered said door.
"You were awaiting me, Princess?"
"Yes, your breakfast is getting cold, adviser." she said sweetly.
She was wearing a skirt to cover last nights abuse on her backside, but she was in a radiant mood.
You sat down on the long table and Celestia brought you a plate of pancakes. She even had taken the time to decorate it with a smiley face.
"You're a mare of many talents, it seems. You'd make a great housewife."
She giggled.
"And yet last night you told me I belonged in a brothel." she accused you playfully.
"As I said, you're a mare of many talents. I keep discovering new places where you'd fit right in."
The door slammed open. Princess Luna.
"Good morning, sister." Celestia greeted her.
"Good morning." she answered in the nicest tone she could put on.
You didn't blame her for being grumpy. Playing Equestria's psychiatrist and dealing with all of its inhabitants' mental issues every night sounded like hell.
"Good morning, Princess Luna."
You nodded at her as to pretend that you were bowing to her. Bowing to other ponies clearly wasn't in your nature.
"Who's this then?" she answered, this time with vitriol in her tone.
"I'm your sister's new adviser."
She snorted.
"So, are you the reason she missed her appointment with the grand consul and why she was late lowering the sun yesterday?"
"Yes. I got carried away with my duties and forgot to remind her of her own."
"Right. Why are you wearing a skirt while cooking; sister?"
"Well, erm..."
"I told her to be more expressive." you chimed in to bail her out.
"Okay."
She wasn't buying it. But she was either too tired or too smart to further prod about her sibling's sex life to pursue the issue further. Celestia brought a plate for her sister and herself.
For a moment an awkward silence set in as you all started eating. Celestia was clearly having sitting awkwardly, even though she had put a pillow on her chair. You being the only magicless pony, stuck out like a sore thumb, just biting down on your breakfast like some savage. You decided to break the ice with Luna. You'd be around her a lot if you were to continue the affair with her sister.
"Resolved any interesting dreams last night?"
"The dreams of my subjects are strictly confidential." she answered grumpily.
"Of course. How dumb of me. Otherwise ponies would never trust you to share them with you."
You didn't plan on letting Luna's bad mood infect you.
"Sister, you know I'm no morning pony and this new adviser of yours isn't helping things. I'm going to eat the rest of this in my room."
The room felt a bit lighter when she left. Celestia moved her chair closer to yours.
"I'm sorry. She's just like that way in the morning. She tries her best, trust me."
"No problem."
She sighed.
"What are we going to do about the nobles we disappointed? You promised to help me. Shall I begin writing an apology letter?"
"Why? You did nothing wrong."
"I missed their ceremony." she said irritated.
"No, you allowed them to have it without you. You gave them more independence. They should be thanking you."
"That's one way of looking at things, I suppose."
"Yes, last night was a test for them to see if they could handle things without them. Seeing as they passed with flying colors, you could now allow them to do all their ceremonies without you."
"No more dancing to their whims." she said, delighted.
"Leaves you with more time to dance to mine."
"Well, technically, Goldbanner's law obligates me to attend, not them to invite me. And its technically not in my office to repeal it."
"Technically tomatoes are fruit, but oddly you don't find them in fruit salad. Technicalities aren't as important as ponies think they are."
She gave you a tender kiss.
"Thank you, adviser!"
"Always happy to help, Princess."
"Will you be staying in my palace now?" she said enthusiastically.
You sighed and looked at the Erlenmeyer on your flank.
"I'm taking the last train back to Manehattan tomorrow. I've been enjoying your company greatly, but my place is in chemical plant, not in your palace during the weekdays."
Celestia's good mood faded for a moment.
"But, if you don't mind messy apartments, you'd be more than welcome to visit me. You'll have enough free time to do that now."
"Believe it or not, I do need a bit more flying practice. You've got yourself a deal, adviser."
"Even then, we should use our time productively."
"How about I give you a warm, wet, deep blowjob while you finish your breakfast?"
"You're really getting the hang of this advertising thing."
"Aren't I?"
