Chapters Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 2: Buggers Can't Be Choosers
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - On the Streets
The three professors entered the labyrinthine fishing town of Iona without much trouble. The minotaurs there were used to seeing strange creatures from all over pass through by ship, so even two humans and a dryad were treated like any other group of travelers. They had all reverted to their ‘normal’ forms for the majority of the walk. (‘Normal’ for Autumn Wright was her new dryad form.) On one hand, Bodo had made a habit of transforming into anything that passed through his mind, which meant various famous human musicians and any stranger that caught his eye on the street. Thomas, on the other hand, didn’t change once. He really only felt comfortable in his own, albeit younger, skin.
As they made their way towards the train station, Autumn let some stray minotaur calves smell the flower on her wrist and fed on their appreciation. Apparently, their appreciation was enough to serve as a meal for a changeling. Bodo took requests for transformations from the same calves to get his own meal. Thomas just observed and shared in their feeding from the sidelines.
"This place is shit," Bodo remarked. They all noted how rundown Iona appeared. Dirt and sludge covered the cobblestone streets. The houses along the docks looked like they were about to collapse. Tents lined the edge of town. Many of those tents had goats tied to posts as they were farm animals of those who had sold their farms to the cyclopean mega-farms.
"You can't say that about someone's home," Thomas chastised.
"You know its true," Bodo countered. "What say you, Autumn?"
The dryad spoke volumes by her silence on the subject. "I can't get over the fact that none of the minotaurs wear shirts," she commented, changing the subject. A topless couple passed them.
"Ancient human Minoan culture was similar," the stoic philosopher responded. "If I think about it that way, you get over it. It is just another culture."
"It reminds me of the hot springs and nude beaches we have back in Europe," his colleague added. "You Americans are all very prudish about nudity."
Autumn blushed. "I think we should focus on what we are going to do in Equestria when we get there instead of what is going on here in Iona."
The dryad accountant had filled in the other two on everything she knew about Equus and Equestria in particular.
"You know an awful lot about this place," Bodo commented with obvious suspicion in his voice.
"Um, this place happened to be in a story I read as a child," the accountant lied with a nervous laugh. ‘I don’t want them having the infamous ‘existential crisis’ when I tell them all of this came from a show.’ Autumn reasoned. ‘However, that whole thing with Chrysalis was definitely not PG.’
"It doesn't matter," Thomas interjected. "What we must do is determine how we plan to take over the country completely. What comes to mind immediately is controlling the most military presence in the region. We don't really want a violent conquest, so it would be preferable if the locals welcomed us in as their protectors. We should build up an independent mercenary group in these 'earth pony' villages which are far away from the nation's capital and don't have easy access to their pegasi military bases. Since Equestria lacks a real military and is subject to regular monster attacks, we should start recruiting forces into our paramilitary organization in one of the peripheral villages next to the Everfree. Once we acquire enough power, Equestria will have to practically concede to our demands in order to stay safe. This way we are not directly responsible for any bloodshed and can at least rationalize our actions as being a net positive for our target."
"While I agree that most people think of a military victory when it comes to conquering someone, I would push for a cultural victory," Bodo offered. "Consider the fact that changelings might be seen as enemies just for not being ponies and for how we consume energy through a relationship of love with a non-changeling. I think we should push to get accepted by ponies as one of their own. I don't mean we go in disguises. We need them to be comfortable with changelings for everything we are. We should do this first by lobbying changes to their education system to include information that puts changelings in an objective light. After all, something is far less scary when you know what it is. Second, we should spread a new set of ideals in Equestria through print publications that favor us and limit the traditional powers of their Princess. This way when we put Queen Chrysalis on their throne, we have the backing of the people. A stretch I know, but three years is a stretch."
Dryad smirked. "You both have it wrong. The best way to conquer them is economically. We are humans from a world far more advanced technologically. Think of the inventions we can create not just from our world but based on ideas we have in our literature. Imagine a flying nimbus. The ponies have a spell that allows them to walk on clouds. If we integrate that into a cloud itself and give it a way to propel itself, then we have a vehicle that allows earth ponies and unicorns to commute without relying on the state-owned Pony Express. Once we have our inventions in every household, a monopoly of every key industry, and employees in every major city, Equestria will answer to us, and we can make our demands."
They had a bunch of other ideas like that, but the team agreed to get more information before act out on them. They acknowledge that there were many kinks in the plan, but that is why several other plans just in case not everything worked out. In reality, they were impressed how much they had worked out when the Queen’s mind control compelled them to do all they could to make her whim to conquer Equestria a reality. As a cherry on the top, the three had prepared a completely bizarre plan to imprison the ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia, and it didn’t require them to be successful in any of the other avenues. Still, they had to completely conquer that country, and just toppling Celestia would not be enough.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Train Station
Autumn approached the ticket counter of Iona Train Station. She had to bend over in order see into the booth the cashier sat inside.
“I would like to know the price of three one-way tickets to Equestria.”
The minotaur blinked a few times as if not he weren’t sure what he had just heard before deciding to actually calculate the total for the plant person.
“That comes out to be two thousand nine hundred bits, Miss.”
“That is highway robbery! I am better off flying there.”
“Well, you can try, but it is really far.”
“Do you have any maps?”
“I do, but they cost a hundred bits each.”
“Hundred bits? Why are they so darn expensive?”
“I don’t know, Miss. That is a normal price for maps as far as I am concerned. Cartography isn’t exactly easy, and travellers will pay good coin for a good map.”
Autumn sighed and rejoined her companions.
“Well?”
“We need bits. Lots of bits.” They gave her a confused look. “Bits is the local currency. It is another one of those horse puns.”
“Puns: that’s another point for this all being a dream.” Bodo created an illusion of a small dark green chalkboard with several marks on it. There were two columns on it, one for ‘Real’ and the other for ‘Dream’. At this point, ‘Dream’ was winning four-to-one.
“Since we couldn’t decide whether this was real or not, Bodo proposed this scoreboard to settle it for us,” Thomas explained with an every so tiny smirk. “It’s silly, but everything here is.”
“Okay...well, what matters now is that we need at least enough money to get a map, or we won’t be able to get to Equestria. Do either of you have any good ideas?” Thomas raised a hoof. “That doesn’t involve advanced magics none of us know how to do yet.” A hoof quickly went back down.
Autumn sighed. ‘I am in Equus with the two philosophers. Philosophy has to be the most worthless profession in the multi-universe. Well, Autumn, as the only one with any background in business, you have to take charge.’
“I suggest we split up. Look for opportunities to make some bits. We will need one hundred bits for a map and roughly a thousand bits for each ticket to Equestria. We will return here in two hours, reporting our results.”
Thomas nodded and promptly left. The rockstar professor didn’t.
“Why aren’t you going?”
“Well, I figured I practice exercise the oldest profession in history.” With that, Bodo made illusions of a guitar and top hat. After placing the hat on the ground, not that it would actually hold money. “I am going to play music and beg. For my first song: Die Gedanken Sind Frei [English Version ]. My father would sing this old folk song to me when I was ein kleines Kind.”
The dryad shook her head before leaving the man. ‘This kind of music is just annoying. Dr. Stein is just useless.’
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Mayor’s Estate
Dr. Mackey stared at the Mayor’s house without revealing his surprise. As a child, he had joined his mother and father several times as they visited the estates of those in political offices. They were usually mayors of so-and-so or the governor. His parents had taught him the importance of influence, making sure he followed every rule of etiquette and spoke just the right words to get what he wanted. His dislike of their duplicitous games was one the reasons he left his family behind and pursued his own goals. Now that he was in Equus, he would have assumed to be as far away from that lifestyle as possible, but the Queen's curse indicated otherwise.
The Mayor of Iona lived in a salty-encrusted dock house with a modest skipper beside it. If the locals hadn’t insisted that this was indeed the Mayor’s home, Thomas would not have believed it. The philosopher knocked on the door and got a groan as a response. When no one came to the door, he knocked again. If no one came, he was fine with looking elsewhere.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” a well-aged voice muttered from within old shack. The door creaked open to reveal a hunched, black-bearded minotaur former captain. On his head, he wore a bocorne with the emblem of Iona on it - a charging narwhal. ‘For the minotaur seamen of Iona, a matador duels the beasts of the sea. Quite interesting,’ man gathered. He felt overdressed but decided not transform into something more casual. It was already bothersome enough being a completely different species. He was not about to change his dressing habits to fit in with the crowd.
“Hello, Mayor Kraghorn,” Mackey began. “I have come from afar. Perhaps I could interest you in a story over a cup of tea.”
The seasoned politician squinted at the man. “Sure, let me draw the hot water, and we can trade stories , young one.” He could smell the intent to do business a mile away. It was always these indirect folks who brought the best deals, the former captain knew, but they were also the ones who always leveraged their power to take more than they deserved. However, he couldn’t have known the philosopher was actually older than he.
Kraghorn motioned the human into his home, and Thomas obliged. Inside there were several wooden chairs, indicating the Mayor held frequent meetings, most of which consisted of playing cards, in his house. Thomas seated himself at a table and saw that the bearded minotaur had been in the middle of a game resembling solitaire.
A long, straight, and heavy horn lay mounted upon the far wall from the door, ensuring everyone who entered Kraghorn’s home had no option but to see it. The horn couldn’t have been shorter than Autumn’s staff, making it roughly ten feet long. A red cloth was wrapped around its base.
“A beauty, isn’t it?” the mayor called from the kitchen. “We had a legend of a giant narwhal named Big Nelly. I believed in it for my mother had seen the beast long ago. The other fishertaurs of Iona thought I was just crazy to chase an old cow tale. A crew of six and I, all retired, sailed out for a week in search of the legend. We only had a few canned sardines and oranges by the end of the week.
“Everytaur wanted to give up, saying it was just a legend, but I refused to let them stop. I took us out further than any minotaur had sailed before into the high sea. Lo and behold, there she was. I pulled my narwhal hunting cloth and taunted the beautiful beast.
“Nelly charged our ship and smashed right through it before we could even get out of the way. One thing the legends failed to mention is how really big Big Nelly is. She had to be as large as our ship, the monster.
“We all hugged onto the charging narwhal for dear life as falling off meant being stranded in the sea far from where anytaur sailed. I took the beast by the horn and forced my red narwhal-hunting cloth over the horn so that it covered her eyes. This put Nelly into a mindless frenzy that allowed me to steer her by pulling the cloth and tugging her horn. I took her and my clinging crew with Nelly all the way back to Iona where no one could doubt our conquest.”
‘Poor Nelly,’ the philosopher mourned privately. Kraghorn could not tell if his story impressed the man as his face barely ever changed its expression.
The kettle whistled and Kraghorn promptly got up and poured tea. Mackey wafted in the pleasant vapor of the tea as the teabags seeped into the hot water. Once it finished, he took a small sip and allowed a small smile to occupy his face for a noticeable duration.
“So you wanted to share a story, young one ?” the Mayor questioned. He had been put off by what he thought was another young person who didn’t believe in his fishertaur tale.
“Good Sir, do you know what nuac cham is?” Mackey asked in reply. Kraghorn shook his head as he put away his cards and served biscuits to go with the tea. “Then I think I have the right story for you.”
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Fish Market
Autumn Wright covered her nose in distaste. She had never actually gone to a fish market, and after passing the wrong section, the dryad had found herself where the fishmongers discard the unused portions of fish to rot in the sun.
She had had no luck finding anything promising. Sighing to herself, she sat at the end of the dock with her feet dangling off the side. The waves occasionally brushed against her long legs. The roots that acted as talons or toes on her feet shivered as they were not made for salty water, but they sucked in the water anyways.
After a few moments, a cat woman walked up next to her. She would have been completely silent if not for the little bell attached to a familiar bright blue collar around her neck.
‘Where have I seen that collar before?’ Autumn pondered.
The feline ignored the dryad’s curious stare. She removed a basket from her left shoulder and placed it in the water. A wind pulled on the little sail on the top of the basket and pulled it out to sea. After it had traveled a good distance, the cat person took out a rock, doused it in an alcohol, lit it, and slung it with a slingshot at the basket. The little basket caught fire immediately and sunk into the ocean.
“Um…,” Autumn managed to utter.
The feline turned to the dryad, revealing fur cheeks lined in the salt stains from dried tears.
“Traveller, I heard you are going to Equestria. I beseeched you take me with you. I am Nyantsu.”
“Um….”
“You are probably wondering what I can bring for you. I am fast and can fight.”
To demonstrate, Nyantsu quickly released her claws of her right paw while rapidly spinning her a freshly reloaded slingshot.
Autumn mouth became incredibly dry and the air burned in her lungs.
“Oh, I should tell you why I want to go to Equestria,” Nyantsu inferred while outstretching her arms towards the disguised changeling in a pleading manner. “My people have a legend about that nation among nations. It is a place of milk and honey. The ponies there party everyday. Rumor is that they have magic that make people never grow old. I want to go there, but I don’t have the money to get there as the Pony Express charges a claw and a tail to non-ponies for entry into their country.”
The dryad weakly lifted a hand up to the cat woman and then collapsed into her paws.
“Ma’am, what is wrong!”
Autumn couldn’t hear her as she had already fainted.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Train Station
Thomas Mackey and the Mayor walked down to the train station.
“You got to tell me another one of your old war stories, lad,” Kraghorn declared while slapping the yuppie hard on the back.
Mackey didn’t even flinch.
‘He is such a badass,’ the old bearded minotaur concluded. ‘He could probably take a narwhal’s horn straight to the chest and not even cry out in pain.’
“Maybe another time, Mayor,” the philosopher said with a practiced laugh. “I would like to introduce you to one of my colleagues.”
The could hear the philosopher playing the guitar in the distance. The song seemed completely nonsensical to Mackey who preferred orchestral pieces or ballads with straightforward lyrics. The crowd that had formed around Dr. Stein would indicate that they didn’t agree with Mackey’s assessment. Turning to his new friend, the philosopher found the Kraghorn’s eyes glistening in a thousand mile stare.
When the song ended, the single minotaurs in the crowd stomped in approval while the couples kissed. A few tossed out bits towards the hat only to find that it would phase right out the other side of it.
At least they all landed in generally the same place, Thomas mused. The philosopher rubbed his chin, eyeing the happy audience. Kraghorn could literally see a lightbulb turn on above the man’s head.
“My good sir, what would you say to having a little concert for my friend here?”
The Mayor lifted a scarred eyebrow to his fancily dressed acquaintance. “Where would you put it? Are you prepared to pay Iona to use one of their public places? Also,why would I okay that? You would just take those bits and leave. If you looked around, we can’t afford for any more bits to leave this old fishing town.”
These were all very important questions Mackey hadn’t really considered. If only she—
Before the old man could finish his thought, a cat woman ran towards them, making frantic gestures to get their attention.
“Young misters, please, come, come! Your friend is hurting!” she told them, waving them towards her. Bodo dispelled his illusions, abandoning the twenty-seven bits that he had on the ground as tips. Mackey only needed to silently nod at Kraghorn before leaving himself.
“We will talk about this matter again latter,” the Mayor called out. Looking at the coins on the ground, he smirked. Mackey wasn’t the only one with lightbulbs that day.
Equus November - Badlands - New Haven - Arachne the Second’s Chambers
Autumn Wright felt incredibly off. Looking around, she found herself in a dark room with an unseeable ceiling. The complex web-like designs, which resembled constellations, decorated the walls and floor. They depicted heroic figures like buffalo holding large shields and dragons offering treasure. She couldn’t feel her body and found that her limbs had completely disappeared. After a short panic, the accountant willed herself back to her tall dryad form. This time it came to her instantly and didn’t result in any drain on her magical reserves.
“Whom have I found in my web today?” a feminine voice like the strumming of a lyre said from above.
“Who is that?!” Autumn jumped in fright. She turned to look at the ceiling again and could spot a glowing eye. Then there were two eyes—three, four, five, six, seven, eight--eight eyes. With each one, the pseudo-dryad felt herself become more and more sluggish until she couldn’t move.
“Don’t you know it is rude to stare?” the voice said with a laugh.
‘What kind of person laughs at their own jokes? A lonely person, that is,’ Autumn concluded.
“Oh, that burns! It has definitely been a long time since someone other than my children have insulted me thusly. So what are you?”
‘What? She can read minds?’ Autumn thought in shock.
“Brains. I read brains,” the hidden creature corrected with a snicker. “It’s really better that way. Mind reading only lets you see what people are currently thinking. Brain reading allows you see a person’s thoughts before they are even conscious of them and what they have thought and could think. It really is far superior skill.”
There was a shuffling, and a humanoid brown porcelain puppet with a blue Victorian-style dress descended from the ceiling.
“I am Arachne the Second, daughter of Anansi the Wise Trickster and granddaughter of Arachne the Fateweaver,” the doll declared with her right arm pulling at her dress in a curtsy and the other at her abdomen for a bow. Autumn found the entire gesture fascinating and committed it to memory for future use, assuming she got out of this alive. “So who is this creature that has come into my home unannounced. A dryad...no, a changeling...closer, but no...we got memories of being a human here! How delightful! I do miss talking to humans. Also, your memories are mostly of being male, yet your brain chemistry is that of a female. This phenomenon is more common among changelings who naturally disassociate themselves from their birth bodies in order to better disguise themselves. Oh, and what is this...oh that explains everything.”
The doll made a bunch of head nods as if everything was suddenly obvious.
Autumn couldn’t speak anymore since the eight-eyed stare kept her completely paralyzed. So instead, she just thought strongly in Arachne’s general direction. Don’t ask how one does that. It was all in the intent.
‘What is it?’
“You, dear Chrysopeleia, are a Traveller, one who has broken the veil between the dimensions. Since your existence had become endangered in the other Equus, your magical essence drifted and got temporarily caught in my magical dream web.”
‘Am I dying? How did that make me go between dimensions? Why are you calling me ‘Chrysopeleia’?”
“So many questions. Well, you were dying. I can tell you are slowly fading from this reality and returning to your body on that other Equus. As you have heard, though didn’t believe, dreams are windows into different realities. You just happened to fall into my Equus, and I happen to be a dreamweaver capable of catching you. As for calling you ‘Chrysopeleia’, that is because that is simply who you really are. It is your true name. Remember that Amphitrite is your enemy. She almost killed you after all.”
Autumn didn’t know what Chrysopeleia meant and was frankly overwhelmed.
‘Amphitrite?’
“The saltwater….”
‘So when in dryad form, I am kinda allergic to saltwater. Well, huh...I guess I get the strengths and weaknesses of the form I take,’ the former adjunct accounting professor mused a moment before thinking of something else.
‘By the way, why didn’t you just say that instead of using these words I don’t know the meaning of?’ the dryad thought angrily at the creature on the ceiling, causing her doll to flinch. If she were talking, Autumn would have been more diplomatic, but there was no way to restrain her own thoughts. ‘This is what happens when people are shut ins. They start speaking a language no one understands. Honestly, you are even worse than those two dunderheaded philosophers. I bet they haven’t done anything productive while I was gone.’
The puppet shook as many conscious and subconscious thoughts pelting her magical senses. When the mental barrage ended, Arachne spoke sternly. “You insolent fool. You better wise up, Chrysopeleia, before you find yourself underwater again.”
The dryad started to flicker, signalling her time in Arachne’s domain was over. The puppet representing the eight-eyed creature, which Autumn presumed was some kind of giant spider, walked up to accountant and gave her a book that simply apparated from nowhere.
Then Autumn disappeared with the strange tome held in her paralyzed arms. Arachne sighed and went back to being all alone.
‘I really do need some friends. Perhaps, I should call my Queen Chrysalis. She is a lot nicer than Chrysopeleia’s queen .’
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Author's Note
I decided to move my short stories from this story to a separate fiction. If you want to know how the Grand Illusion ends, it is there.
I hope you enjoy those stories and this chapter. Also, after you read this chapter, would you please tell me what you think? That would be delightful and helpful even if it is criticism.
Chapter 3: Buzz Off
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Nyantsu’s Tent
The accountant Autumn Wright stirred from her sleep. A draining sensation rolled through her entire body. She rested on the only clean bedsheets the cat woman Nyantsu could afford. Room-temperature fresh water in a vase laid at her feet. The roots that acted like talons dipped into the water and drank the liquid greedily. The dryad got up carefully but still faltered.
“Hold it,” the classical philosopher and war veteran Thomas Mackey coolly commanded. His voice had a quality to it that made him seem authoritative no matter to whom he spoke. “You were dehydrated. Drink this.”
The postmodern philosopher and former citizen of German Democratic Republic Bodo Stein handed Mackey a makeshift stone mug full of water. The dryad took a single sip but then started cough and vomiting. Saltwater exited her system and fell on the dirt floor of Nyantsu’s home. When she finished evacuating her body of the poisonous water, Autumn sipped the water once more. Sips turned into loud gulps, and the mug went from full to empty in span of a few moments.
“More,” she rasped. Nyantsu took her only mug from the accountant and the scampered off to fetch more water.
“Why don’t you just transform back into a changeling? That way you won’t feel thirst.”
Stein’s suggestion surprised the group. ‘Is it really that simple? ’ the other two thought. Autumn made the transformation, which only took a moment as it was her natural form. The thirst for water ended and she no longer felt like she was being drained.
“I need love,” the dryad stated with a small cough. “I am nearly empty.”
The two philosophers looked at each other.
“Autumn was just as fine as we were before she left. Perhaps her changeling essence was being drained in order to keep her alive.”
“A distinct possibility, Mackey. We won’t know exactly how our new bodies work until we have more information.”
“We should probably start getting her some love.”
“Nyanstu could probably offer her some.”
“Or we could just give her some of ours.”
They nodded in agreement with the latter option. The two closed Autumn in a very awkward hug and let their instincts guide them through the process of love sharing. They had to stop abruptly time to time because Autumn would get greedy and start draining too quickly.
‘I don’t want to end up like Phallanx,’ Bodo thought with a shiver that ran down his whole spine. When they finished, the three sat down, and each quietly stared at different corner of the sparse tent. They could hear the faint sound of a little bell jingling between the periodic bleating of the goat outside. Bell got louder fairly quickly as its owner approached.
Suddenly came a scream, and a mug full over freshly drawn water smacked squarely into the Autumn forehead upon which the mug shattered. Nyantsu, who had entered the tent in an understandable rush, jumped onto the addled changeling. Bodo was too shocked to react, but the ever cool-headed Thomas held the cat person back by wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
“Let me at it. That monster destroy my village and stole my tom.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” the war veteran stated.
“Can’t you see she is a monster. We have to kill her before she kills all of us. That is what their kind does. They infest a town and then suck out all the life from it, leaving only a husk behind.”
“Autumn isn’t going to hurt anyone in this town,” Bodo interjected. “We are all leaving for Equestria.”
“You must be changelings too,” Nyantsu inferred. “I have to stop you before you destroy Equestria, you heartless monsters!”
She started thrashing in Thomas’s arms with renewed vigor. The worse thing was that they couldn’t neither defend their own kind nor say they were completely clean themselves. The group was forced to conquer Equestria after all.
“Hey, we might have plans for Equestria,” Bodo began, trying to defend his group. “But I can assure you that Equestria will be better off if we get our way without interference.”
‘From a certain Queen, that is. Nothing says a conquered country has to be a hellscape. We will just dominate the country by making the institutions we put into it stronger and more popular than the native Equestrian ones.’
“Liars!”
“I can assure you—”
Before Dr. Bodo Stein could finish, Autumn had bucked the cat person hard enough her changeling hooves to knock her out. Thomas set the unconscious feline down where Autumn had slept only a few minutes prior. Their eyes flashed green as Chrysalis’s mind control forced them to consider killing Nyantsu. They all in their own way rationalized why they shouldn’t and swallowed down the urge to murder.
‘Maybe she can be convinced to help our side,’ the postmodernist hoped.
‘We can use her to become better fighters,’ the classical philosopher argued.
‘She saved my life so has already aided in our mission,’ Autumn weakly concluded. Out of the three, she had the least objective reasons for preserving the cat’s life but the greatest personal one. The mind control tore at the changeling as she struggled against the imperative to ensure their mission completed successfully.
After Autumn resumed her dryad disguise, they left the tent. Bodo noted that the locals didn’t quite care about their unique ability to shapeshift, but the others didn’t want to take any chances. Outside the tent, they saw a lone goat tied to a post.
It was at this point that Autumn realized she hadn’t just assumed her disguise with her signature magical staff but also a book. Before the dryad could even read the title or tell the others, a voice caused them to go stock still.
“Oi, over here!”
Turning towards the voice, they found the bearded minotaur Major of Iona.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Mayor’s House
Quick to take the Mayor away from the scene of the crime, the three disguised changelings went with the minotaur to his oceanside house. As they went there, Autumn passed the mysterious book to the other two. The title said it was How to Become Wise by Puddinghead. The philosophers questioned her where she found it, but the dryad said they would talk about it later.
“So you wanted to talk business?” the bearded bull asked with raised brow to Mackey after they had all gotten seat in his house. There was tea but no biscuits this time.
“We do, but please direct your questions to my esteemed colleague, Professor Wright.”
The dryad made a confused face.
“Mackey wants me to perform a concert with my illusion magic and human music, so that we can make the big bucks and get those expensive tickets,” Bodo clarified. “We need you to figure out how we are going to do this.”
“Um...okay,” Autumn uttered. The minotaur smirked at the unsure businessplant.
‘They will be putty in my hands,’ Kraghorn thought.
“First things first. We need discuss venue. How about the old amphitheater?”
“...Cost?”
Kraghorn smirked even more. He procured a small pouch of coins. “Consider it already paid.”
“Hey, that is my money!” Bodo Stein jumped from his chair, and Autumn pulled him back down with her right long arm.
“I don’t remember giving you permission to perform on our streets,” the Mayor pointed out to the musician-philosopher.
The dryad waved it off. “This is acceptable. Is this for use of the amphitheater?”
The Kraghorn nodded.
“We will agree under the condition you have it cleaned before we have this concert.”
The Mayor frowned. He had expected them to do the cleaning. “Of course,” he said with an offended tone. “What kind of minotaur do take me for?”
“So about ticket pricing….”
“You won’t charge a single bit to any minotaur who lives in Iona.”
Bodo jumped from his chair again. “I am not performing for free, you cheap—.”
The dryad sighed and pulled the philosopher down again. “I assume you want us to charge out-of-towners.”
“Yes, I can’t have you taking money out of Iona, now can I?”
“This is also acceptable. I assume you will also have your chefs cooking the local delicacies.”
The dryad leaned forward in her chair. It was far too small for the eight-foot plant person. Kraghorn rubbed his forehead. Her leaning had emphasized their size difference, and he was thinking that he might not be the one in charge anymore. He had expected the foreigner to be a pushover, but he was beginning to get intimidated.
“Of course, we will be cooking the best meals,” the Mayor stated while pulling at his beard. “We wouldn’t want to leave out the restaurants from this opportunity to bring much needed bits to our town.”
“Good because I had a look around town, and what I saw I wouldn’t feed my enemies. Also, all those fish parts have to go. No one wants to eat around rot and death.”
Kraghorn began to get indignant but swallowed his anger.
Thomas Mackey made a small motion with his fingers, which seemed all the larger because he made it. “Oh, I noticed that too. It is a shame really. They are throwing away parts of the fish away that make for some interesting dishes. When I was in Vietnam, I really liked nuoc mam.” His two companions stared at him. “I was the culinary specialist. I tried a lot of dishes, so that I could make food for my comrades in arms.”
“Looks like you might need a culinary specialist yourself, Mayor,” Autumn pointed out. “How about we hire Mackey here out to you in exchange a modest fee?”
“We are not giving you a single bit.”
Autumn only smirked at this. Her uncertainty was all gone now. “Then I assume you wouldn’t mind us keeping all the proceeds related to the concert.”
“Absolutely not,” Kraghorn barked. “Fifty-percent. You need us to get to Equestria.”
He had done his research on these three, and his fellow towntaurs had been all ready to tell him what they knew of them. That is how he found them in the shanties outside of town earlier.
“We get all of the proceeds,” the dryad countered, not haggling up an inch. “You are wrong. We don’t need you. We can just go down the rails to the next town by foot and get a better deal. You need us as your town needs anything to reverse the new capital outflow. Let me guess, the neighboring towns buy your fish products at a discount and then charge you a premium for necessities like medicine just because you don’t have access to other buyers while they can buy fish from any of the other villages on the coast here.”
Kraghorn sat stock still. At this point, Autumn’s head was almost directly over him since she was leaning so far forward. “Twenty-percent or leave.”
Autumn almost agreed but her eyes flashed green. The dryad got up and walked to the door. “Bodo, we are going.”
The musician-philosopher got up sheepishly. Even he was intimidated.
‘What about me?’ Mackey thought. He didn’t like being left out. It was bad enough that he didn’t know his special skill yet.
As the accountant the rusted doorknob, the Mayor called out. “You keep all the proceeds, but we get Mackey’s help for free. The amphitheater and festival ground will be ready in a week.”
Autumn didn’t even turn around. “Excellent. It is a deal, Mayor Kraghorn,” she purred as she walked out the door. “Take good care of the old geezer for me as we prepare for these concerts next week.”
Bodo Stein just stood by the door wide-eyed until a long wooden arm pulled him out by his ponytail.
Mackey watched the scene before him with a calm face. If Mackey could sweat, he would have also shared in wiping his brow with the bearded minotaur. Instead they shared a moment of eye-contact which communicated a truth that needed not to be communicated between the two. That was Autumn knew that the Mayor would cave and take Mackey.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Pretty Much Everywhere that wasn’t Iona
Autumn Wright and Bodo Stein went town-to-town for the next week. At each town, Bodo would street performances and Autumn would sell leaf tickets, which she made with her dryad powers. The fishing villages tended enjoy Bodo’s renditions of romance and country songs, which meant a lot of Johnny Cash and Freddy Quinn. The upstream towns preferred jazz, swing, and, surprisingly, rock ‘n’ roll. Bodo tried his best to do some Louis Armstrong, Cab Calloway, and Benny Goodman, but had no trouble with introducing these towns to rock. Autumn suggested he play something more contemporary.
“Like what?” Dr. Stein asked.
“I don’t know. How about dubstep or techno?”
The postmodern philosopher looked as if he was going to puke, which was physically impossible since he became a changeling.
“Sure some dubstep may be good,” the ponytailed man replied. “But most of it is amateurs confusing robots fartings with music.”
His awareness of dubstep had actually surprised the dryad. She didn’t expected someone so old to even know it existed.
Bodo explained how his interest in music developed during his childhood growing up in Eastern Germany. Western was all over East Germany, but their bands had to follow strict rules like only playing in Germany and having their songs censored. He had grown up in Dresden where they had the least access to western sounds. When he was old enough, he moved out that town and closer to the border where they had access to the television and radio of what the government called Klassenfeind or the enemy of the working people. One of his childhood heroes was Frank Schöbel , who was one of East Germany’s biggest celebrities. His twenties were filled with the underground music scene where he played in a metal band with some of his other friends. Even after Reunification and coming to America to become a philosophy professor, he still kept up with music and played occasionally. His students often called him the Rockstar Professor because of it.
One of the thing that kept bothering Autumn in each town was the fact everyone went topless.
“You’ll get used to it,” Bodo soothed his comrade. “I doubt Equestria is any worse.”
The dryad didn’t respond as leaned heavily upon her staff as her legs didn’t want to cooperate for a moment. The philosopher laughed at her reaction and then sung a famous Robert Grave’s poem at her expense.
One town in particular gave them a lot of trouble. It was called Bucktown and was populated by Cyclopean yuppies. Their laws made it illegal for homeless people to be anywhere. The two changelings were technically homeless and bitless. That meant they could not legally sit down on the benches, use the public bathrooms, sleep outside, or perform in the streets. As Bodo explained, they lacked the right to exist even if the cyclops of Bucktown recognized their right to live. They had to use more roundabout methods to advertise their concert in Iona. This mostly consisted in talking to the local newspaper and passing out leaflets (posters and signs were also illegal). They also gave free tickets to the critics, hoping that their reviews would inspire more people from Bucktown to attend their later performances. (It wasn’t like they were only performing one concert after all.)
Between towns, they talked. First they talked about the mysterious book Autumn had gotten magically. It was currently with Mackey. The accountant would have gone back to get it, but that would have ruined her performance. They speculated about Arachne and the other dimensions they might have access to in the future.
When Autumn ran out of things to say about her weird dream, Bodo asked the accounting professor about her career and where she had learned to negotiate like that. She explained that she had always been good with math and business sense. When she was Luther Wright, she had her pick of careers. Looking down the list of courses at her local community college, she had merely picked the first one that fit her. That happened to be accounting, which was literally the first one on the major list. Wright went into managerial accounting as her career.
Her first job had placed her in a manufacturing company where she had to measure costs and provide periodic reports to her manager. That manager quickly learned that Wright had a knack for business and asked her for advice in all manner of topics. That was how the former human had gotten a understanding of marketing and business negotiating. When their company got bought out, she got eliminated in the consolidation. She then became an adjunct professor of accounting at Marble University and the rest led up to the present.
Finally, the discussed their mission. They got slightly sidetracked on how they might subvert Equestrian culture with music. This led to Bodo proposing anti-princess music so that they could sway Equestrian youths away from their benevolent dictators. Autumn suggested using the metal genre as she didn’t remember any Equestrians playing that and Bodo had mentioned he played in a metal band before. Bodo added that he would enjoy setting up a ‘battle of the bands’ as a way to metaphorically beat his way to the top of Equestrian music culture.
However, they concluded that should pace themselves as: 1) they didn’t know how well received Bodo’s music would be and 2) the professor was no music genius. He could copy excellently, but his own stuff needed a lot of work. It would have been easier to get one of Equestria’s many music savants and teach her heavy metal.
By the end of the week, they were exhausted. The two had slept outside almost every night in order to save bits. Once they had to fight off roadside robbers who had heard all about the ticket money they had gotten, which was about three hundred bits by the end of the week. Bodo didn’t have to use an illusion of a dragon to scare them off. All he had to do was constantly mess with their sense of touch to make their feet feel like they were or were not touching the ground, and they would trip. If you had ever walked up or down a staircase in the dark, you know what it is like to expect a step and it not be there. Autumn was no slouch with her staff either. Its incredible length allowed her outdistance all her melee opponents. When they returned back to Iona, the two took a much needed rest on Kraghorn’s dusty but soft couch.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Amphitheater
The Mayor kept his word about cleaning the amphitheater, but that was it. The three changelings had to do everything else including setting up garbage disposal to educating the food vendors how to work the aisles. Tables were set up for the family section and the expensive ticket section. Everyone else would sit in the stands. It was a rush job, but the three even got the streets through town cleaned with the townstaur’s help and the absolute imperative to succeed in their psyche.
The evening came and those who bought tickets from the other towns came trickled in. It wasn’t a full house on opening night as most people didn’t respect Iona, seeing it was a dirty town. While they weren’t impressed, it wasn’t nearly as bad they thought. Some of Thomas Mackey’s recipes had actually turned out very popular though nuoc mam was more of an acquired taste.
Bodo was stationed as master of ceremonies and stood on the stage playing pleasant guitar songs while people entered to the amphitheater and took their seats. Autumn was mingling with critics from Bucktown and other VIPs. That left Mackey.
“What am I supposed to do? More cooking?” he asked.
“You, my dear rival and colleague, are my bodyguard,” Bodo told him during a short break. He gave the man a firm pat of the shoulder and then caressed his hand as it actually hurt to apply any force to the rigid man.
Thomas was incredulous.
“Just take off sweater and the shirt...and the undershirt,” Bodo suggested. Geez, how many shirts can one guy where. They aren’t even real. Out of his fancy clothes, the former soldier’s muscles were exposed. It wasn’t odd due to the topless custom of Iona. Autumn and Kraghorn gave Thomas a thumbs up each in encouragement and appreciation. “Excellent. Now don’t change a thing. Stand right where you are, and if someone looks like they are going to cause trouble, stare at them. Yes, just like that.”
Honestly, Thomas wasn’t doing anything he wouldn’t normally do sans his missing shirts.
The concert began without a hitch. Bodo opened with La Bamba . It was just him playing at first, but it grew exponentially more robust as he conjured more illusions to play and sing with him. One of the things he had discovered was that he could channel a crowd’s appreciation directly into his illusions instead of using it for food. The bigger and more appreciative the crowd, the more powerful the illusion. When the vocals kicked in, the Ionians got up and danced up and down the aisles. Some out-of-towners joined in, but most understandably kept seated and ate their food.
The postmodern philosopher opened his next song with a small speech.
“Hello everyone! How was that! Excited. I would be for we have a full evening of music from beyond the stars for you tonight. I am Doctor Bodo Stein, and I will be your master of ceremonies tonight.
“For our next song, I am going to play Die Gitarre und Das Meer by Freddy Quinn. It was a song from my youth. It is about a sailor named Jimmy Brown whose only friends are his guitar and the ocean. Using them as wingmen, he pursues his one true love Juanita. No other woman will do. As for Freddy Quinn, the man was once caught in a middle of a great war between a powers who wanted to rule the world. He used his fluent English pretend to be an American and get taken as a refugee.
“I can relate to the song because I come here with only two trusty friends at my side, and I will never swerve from my true love [philosophy] either. Like Freddy Quinn, I find myself far away from home with the fangs of a tyrant at my back. I too needed [and still need] to hide my identity to find safehaven in this world.”
The song began simply, and just like La Bamba , it became so much bigger. The crowd found themselves on a ship, rolling in the ocean waves. Stars fell from the sky and serve as lanterns. Couples kissed during the song while children chased after stars.
The applause afterwards was enough to feed and make the three changelings crackle with new power.
Bodo summoned illusions of Ray Charles and some background singers to play Hit the Road Jack.
During it, Nyantsu and two other cat people came to cause trouble.
“Lordy, we don’t have to fight,” Thomas told them.
“Don’t we!” Nyantsu shouted, disturbing the patreons next to her. She held in her hand a broken light blue collar with a bell on it. It was the one that had been on her neck. “You see this. It is broken. That means my tom is dead. You and your kind killed him.”
“Your kind is like a plague destroying everything that comes in their wake,” one of her comrades added.
Before he could say anything in response, Nyantsu pelted him with a stone hard in the shoulder. Whether it was his changeling chitin underneath or the power boost from the crowd, the stone shattered against his body, leaving only a scratch.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” the classical philosopher stated coldly. His eyes flared with green fire. There was no going around the imperative. Something strange had also happened. His hand had erupted in flame as well. Before he could question what was happening, the mind control kicked in, and he rushed the closest cat person. The tom was so surprised by Thomas’s sudden burst of speed that he didn’t even put up a fight when the philosopher placed his hand upon his forehead.
The burning hand branded the cat. Not his body, but his brain. Thomas could see all the inner workings of the cat. He could kill him, erase his mind, enthrall him, steal his memories, or even give him some. It was simultaneously the best teaching tool and the most horrible weapon the man could imagine. Having enough control to pick the ‘giving memories’ option, Mackey impressed upon the cat some his memories.
The cat simply curled up the ground and whimpered.
“What did you do?!” Nyantsu shouted as she prepped another stone in her slingshot.
“I taught him some sympathy for the devil,” he replied with icy tone and a flaming gesture. The other cat person had the good sense to retreat. “I will say this once: My comrades and I have done nothing to you and your tom. We three find the treatment of your people by the changelings abhorrent. We must complete our mission in Equestria. You can either join us or stay out of our way.”
“I would rather die than join you!”
“So be it. I give you one more decision: take your comrade and go or face a similar fate.”
His hand itched with the need to claim her. The foreign feeling disgusted him to his core.
‘Grab her head. Enthrall her to my swarm like I did her tom. Remember him. He was the cat who I fed upon when you first met me,’ came the voice of that vile temptress of queen through his mind. It wasn’t really her, but the magic she left inside him. He could somehow tell.
Her comrade convinced her to retreat as some bystanders were Ionians who didn’t take kindly to someone hitting their favorite non-minotaur cook. (He was the only non-minotaur cook in town, but the point stood.)
“This isn’t over,” Nyantsu declared. “I will chase you all the way to Equestria. When I get there, they will all know of your kind and how you destroy everything you touch with your unquenchable thirst for power.”
With that, they took the catatonic cat with them and got out of town.
‘You better hope I don’t see you again in Equestria. Jiminy Crickets, you were lucky I regained control in time to not mind melt you,’ Thomas thought ruefully. ‘At least now I know my special skill. I hope I can use it for more good than evil.’
Illusion Ray Charles had just finished his song, and Bodo started thanking all the major people who made the concert possible, including Mackey, who didn’t want thanks after that ordeal.
Master of ceremonies Bodo ended with a real showstopper in the form of illusion Nicholas Brothers . Their tap dancing was nothing the likes anyone in the Minos Peninsula had ever seen. They danced on the tables, pleasantly surprising the VIPs. When they did their splits routine down the amphitheater steps, they made all the bulls wince.
When they finished, the stomping was deafening. The Mayor came back stage all excited after the show. They discuss tomorrow show. Thanks to the critics’ awed reviews, tomorrow’s show sold out. They had enough bits by the end of the week to buy three-and-half tickets (three thousand and five hundred bits). Kraghorn didn’t want them to leave, saying that his town needed them.
“You need to stand on your two hooves, Mayor Kraghorn,” Doctor Thomas Mackey advised. The two had gotten close during their time together. The old, narwhal-fighting minotaur could be said to have become addicted to the classical philosopher’s cooking. “Make your own shoe. You must have local talent you can raise up. The theater isn’t going anywhere.”
The three left with much fanfare. The train station was packed. The same minotaur cashier who had incredulously told Autumn the ticket prices tried to deny their bits — more because he didn’t want to count three thousand bits than because he liked them.
The only thing Autumn could think as they entered the Pony Express 999 was what would come next. ‘Well, this ends the tutorial. We are about to face the politicians, millionaires, and royalty of the most powerful nation with only the ideas in our head and a few hundred bits. Our plans will not be enough. We will need help if we are going to succeed. It is time to prove friendship really is magic.’
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 4: The Trolley Problem
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 5: The Prisoner Dilemma
Equus Bravo - Bitalty - Roam - Royal Knight’s Office
Sir Haysworth looked at the three bipedal creatures before him. Two of them squirmed in their chairs which were made . The one named Mackey, being 6’3” (190cm), couldn’t find a comfortable spot in his, so the freakishly tall Wright, being 8’ (244cm), kept slipping out of her chair. The short one named Stein (5’3” or 152cm) claimed to ‘not know what the fuss was all about’ and laughed at their glares.
The three had arrived in Bitalty via the Pony Express 999, which the Buffalo Bandits had attacked. The Buffalo Bandits, as the name suggested, were an all buffalo group of criminals who had taken to robbing trains and pillaging towns, including towns populated mostly by other buffalo. It was not abnormal for herd species to form exclusive groups like this for good or ill. Where Equestria would have turned a blind eye to crime like this as long as everything turn out well, Bitalty didn’t share in the utopic (some would call naive) ideals of the pony diarchy to the north. As a result, the Royal Knights had taken everyone on the train in for questioning. This led to Sir Haysworth’s interrogation of these three.
“This interrogation will be monitored by my colleague Dame Honest Penny who is adept with truth spells. If you lie, we will know about it and will be considered in contempt of the Royal Knights of Bitalty. Is that understood?”
The three nodded to Sir Haysworth explanation. Dame Honest Penny’s horn activated, indicating that they were under a truth spell. It wasn’t the first time they seen this, but that only made the three more anxious as they all remembered what happened the last time they were interrogated like this.
“Good, would you start by stating your birth name and profession for the record.”
They all did so, but a spark from Dame Penny’s horn indicated Autumn had lied.
“Her real name is Luther Wright,” Doctor Stein apologized. “Professor Wright felt that name didn’t fit her, so she adopted the new name Autumn.”
“Is this so?”
Professor Autumn Wright nodded. There was no response from the truth spell, so Sir Haysworth continued his interrogation.
“You know that you don’t have to answer for your colleagues, Doctor Stein.”
“I am their legal counsel here. Unless they have to answer for a very specific question, I will do so on their behalf. We all know what we each other did on the train. Any question you could ask them, I should be able to answer as well.”
“You know that legal representation is usually reserved for busy diplomats, governmental bodies, and sufficiently large organization?” the interrogator informed them.
“We didn’t know that. Where we come from, everyone has a legal representative speak on their behalf due to the complexity of our laws.”
“Is okay that he represent you?”
The other two nodded.
After his success at getting around a truth spell with Queen Chrysalis, they agreed the professor of twentieth century philosophy would represent them. Doctor Stein had gotten dressed in the most stereotypical lawyer outfit he could imagine and completed it with a briefcase. He had taken out some very official looking papers from it. He would shuffle and straighten them out periodically. Doctor Stein had insisted it was all very customary and important. The fine white printing paper had at least impressed the Knights. Sir Haysworth didn’t know all of this naturally.
“Before we talk about what happened on the train, we would like to know more about you three. First, what are you?”
“We are humans.”
“What are humans?”
“Humans are a kind of nothing,” Doctor Stein replied, channeling his inner Jean-Paul Sartre. Doctor Mackey groaned since he had a decade of hearing this kind of madness from his colleague back at the university.
“You are humans and humans are nothing…, so you are telling me you three are nothing.”
“Pretty much. Any other questions.”
The knight turned to his colleague whose horn hadn’t reacted at all. She swore the doctor wasn’t lying as far as she could tell. Dr. Stein smirked triumphantly while they weren’t looking. When Sir Haysworth returned his attention to the man before him, the philosopher was back to his ‘lawyer’ face.
“Would you please explain?”
“Well, imagine you cut off my arm.” The knights paled at the horrid thought but nodded nonetheless. Even though they see a lot more action in Bitatly than Equestria, they were still ponies. “Without my arm, I am still me right? Keep cutting me up if you will. Also strip me of my name and titles, I still exist despite this. You will never remove the piece that is ‘who I am.’ Since there is no thing that is me, I and my friends, by extension, are nothing. We call that nothing ‘human.’”
The philosopher showed remarkable restraint, relatively speaking, by not involving Heidegger and his concepts of dasein and mitdasein .
The knight waited a few moments to process what had been said. It wasn’t that it was too profound or too complex for him, but rather he hadn’t expected to hear this kind of talk in an interrogation.
“Sir Knight, I may make a suggestion,” Doctor Stein offered. “You should be more specific with your questions as I cannot know what you want to know.”
“...Yes, allow me to rephrase the question. What is your species called?”
“Human.” The knight’s eye twitched. Dame Honest Penny put even more magic into her lie detection spell. “Or if you want to be more specific, homo sapiens sapiens . It means very wise man.”
“What is a man?”
“A person.” The term person was the generic term for all sapient species on Equus.
“Does your species have any other name to go by?”
“Probably but I don’t know them. Our species didn’t think we would have to be any more specific than ‘a being that can think’ when describing what we are.”
There was a long pause before Sir Haysworth spoke. This was painful for everyone other than Doctor Stein who loved moment of it.
“The reason I asked is that some of the passengers said they saw you transform into these.” The knight presented the group with drawings of menacing bug ponies with sharp fangs and perforated hooves. “Do these look familiar to you?”
“No.”
“Are you telling me you have never seen these before?”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever heard of changelings before?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know what changelings look like?”
“Yes.”
“Are these drawings accurate?”
“....Yes.”
“...Then why the buck, ahem, then why did you say that you hadn’t seen them before.”
“Because I hadn’t.”
“Hadn’t what?”
“Hadn’t seen them .”
“The changelings?”
“No.”
“What specifically did you not see then?”
“The pictures. You asked if they were familiar to me, and I said they were not. I never seen the drawings before in my life.”
Both the interrogator and Doctor Mackey groaned. Professor Wright laughed though. She had gotten used to the rockstar professor’s antics during their time on the road together selling tickets. It wasn’t annoying to her after the dryad had figured out it was fun to figure out what he meant. It was like solving a puzzle and it had helped her sharpen her mind and use of the English language.
“Doctor Stein, you might come from a distant land, but please try to be cooperative.”
“I assure you that I will try my best.”
“Thank you. So are you or are you not a changeling?”
“Yes — Ouch!” Doctor Mackey gave his colleague a ‘playful’ jab to the ribs for his logician’s answer. This was also a ‘playful’ reminder that his body was not as reinforced as the culinary specialist’s. “I am a changeling.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me you were a changeling before.”
“I honestly forgot.”
“You forgot you were a changeling.”
“Well, you spend your whole life as something else, you can forget. If someone asks me who I am, I just think ‘human’ first. Sometimes I just call it ‘that bug form’ as I don’t associate myself with it at all. I doubt that your lie detector would call me out if I said ‘I am not a changeling.’”
Dame Honest Penny got no reaction.
Sir Haysworth had heard changelings were shapeshifters. It was strange, but he could imagine that if one stayed disguised as another species long enough, he might forget that he was a changeling.
“I am sorry for losing my temper. I should be considerate to your unique circumstances and ask clearer questions. We have reports of your kind wiping out whole villages in Turkey and Purrsia. Do you know anything about this?”
“Only by word of mouth. We were neither part of those events or would have wanted to be. We find the loss of innocent life abhorrent and want to give our fair share or more to making the world a better place. In fact, the one we believe responsible for those crimes is the reason why we are trying to get to Equestria. We want to have as much distance between us and that witch as we can get.”
This was the most useful information the interrogator had gotten of him. “What is her, this witch’s name? Do you have any relation to her?”
“Her name is Queen Chrysalis. Before you ask, her intentions are pretty much conquer everything in sight. We recommend being on the lookout for her. As for the relation to her, none of us knew about her-” A spark came from the dame’s horn, surprising everyone, especially the caster of the lie detection spell. “-Allow me to rephrase that. None of us thought her real until we met her.”
“So she was just a story to you and your colleagues?”
“Yes. The kind for children. That was until we found out she was real. We only met for a few minutes and hated every moment of it. We had to leave her as fast as possible to keep our lives.”
“Is there anything else you want to tell us? This could be very helpful for apprehending this criminal.”
“She aims to keep moving north.” His eyes glowed green for a moment before answering. “I can’t say anything more and I would if I just could.” Doctor Stein looked like he was about to cry.
“We understand. I can imagine that it must have been tough for you, all of you, to encounter such a heinous villain.”
“Thanks, your sympathy is appreciated, Sir Knight.”
“However, this brings us to the real reason you are here. We have conflicting reports. Some say the bandits work for a buffalo named Heavy Hoof. Other say they work for you guys. Neither is lying. So which is it?”
“They definitely worked for Heavy Hoof. No bandits work or have worked for us .”
“Worked?” The Knight was catching on.
“Some didn’t seem as eager to work for their boss after we subdued them.”
“And you just want me to believe they just betrayed boss like that?”
“Is it so hard to believe that they wanted to change their ways?” Professor Wright interjected. “They really looked like they had a change of heart. You are a pony. You should understand the importance of giving ponies a second chance.”
They weren’t ponies, but Sir Haysworth conceded the point to the tall dryad as she slipped from her chair for the eighth time. He thought about his interrogation of the twelve buffalo that had a ‘change of heart’. He had given them all the same bargain. If they can point out the real boss, they have their sentences reduced. He even offered some of them a reduced sentence if they could show that the changelings were the real masterminds. None of them budged or even tried lying. All of them had pointed to Heavy Hoof. The big buffalo boss, many of his remaining bandits, and many of the passengers had pointed a hoof at the changelings.
After a few thoughtful hums and chin rubs, the pony knight finished the interrogation. It wasn’t a moment too late as the unicorn had almost run out of magic for her spell.
Equus Bravo - Bitalty - Roam - Some Resturant
After their time with the knights, the trio had gone out for lunch. Bodo had ordered a gyro, Thomas a caesar salad, and Autumn spaghetti. Despite from the vegetarian adjustments, they half expected to all wake up back on earth finding it was all just a dream. The professors each took a bite in their food and frowned. Thomas was already frowning, but before it was because of Bodo’s performance as lawyer, now it was because of the food.
“Tastes like nothing,” the classical philosopher stated for everyone at the table. He already knew this would happen, but tried nonetheless. Changelings apparently could eat food, but the fire in their bellies could eat consume anything. If everything is equally good, even rocks, then there is no reason to develop tastebuds. The big deal was didn’t refill their magic though, and they needed magic to survive.
“Let me try something,” Bodo said with his brow furrowed for the most pleasant activity: contemplation. After a moment, he took a bite and shuddered in ecstasy.
“What did you do?” Thomas asked.
“Illmftn Magugh.” He swallowed. “Illusion magic. I am telling my body that this vegetarian gyro (how is such a thing possible, by the way?) tastes like the best one I can remember. That means meat.”
“Do me,” Autumn almost shouted. After the philosopher indicated he had, she took a bite of pasta and made a weird face. “...Would you make it taste like pasta please?”
“Sorry, it is hard to do two meals at the same time. Anyways, why don’t you make yourself a tongue that can taste. Test out that power of mimicry.”
The dryad did just that, which left Thomas without the joy of tasting food. He shouldered the burden silently like the stoic he was. (That didn’t stop him from grumbling on the inside though.)
“So what did you find out in the book?” Autumn inquired at Thomas. The book she was referring to was How to Become Wise by Puddinghead. When Autumn and Bodo had gone to sell tickets in other towns in the Minos Peninsula, the former culinary specialist had read the book between cooking lessons for the Ionians.
“First, could you tell me who Puddinghead is to your knowledge?” Thomas asked in return.
After chewing and swallowing, she answered. (She wasn’t a savage like Bodo.) “Well, not much. She is a character that appears in the Equestrian origin myth that they tell during Hearth's Warming, which is their version of Christmas or whatever. Puddinghead is the leader of the earth ponies and is pretty random and foolish. She doesn’t listen to her advisor and almost dooms her people to freeze to death.”
The man considered her words for a few moments.
“Is that not the impression you got from the book?” she questioned.
“No. She came across as a fairly competent leader if a bit eccentric. I would say she had a fairly robust argument hedonism and democracy. It was like reading Epicurus and Lucretius but with pony puns.”
“Hedonism? Like she was sex-crazed glutton?”
“Again, no. Real hedonism, the philosophy, does say the true good is pleasure, but hedonists like Puddinghead advocate moderation. After all, hangovers are not very pleasant. A good example of her philosophy comes from this quote-” he pulled out the book and turned to a bookmarked page. “-‘To find the utmost happiness from simple and common pleasures, that is the life. Not only will you be able to find happiness easily, but it will be hard for fate (or the Princesses) to deprive you from it.’ In other words, she thinks people shouldn’t accustom themselves to luxuries as common things are more plentiful.
“This fits her autobiographical portion. It details how she led her people through a famine and the following long winter where most of the earth ponies sold everything to just survive.”
The ‘Princesses’ could only refer to two ponies. “What else does she say about Celestia and Luna?” Autumn asked.
“That they were usurpers with too much sympathy for unicorns, wanted Equestria to be a monarchy just like the unicorns believe in, and would bring an end to the democratic self-governance of the earth ponies. Oh, and the Princesses would enstate a unicorn nobility.”
“That isn’t completely true,” the dryad countered. “Equestrians still have democratic elections at least on the local level and in earth pony villages. However, the rest is pretty accurate.”
“Curious how both in our world and this one, the hedonists went down in history as fools,” Thomas commented off-handedly. “Anyways, do you think we can use this information in Equestria?”
“Perhaps, what do you think, Bodo?”
The changeling in question didn’t respond. He had just finished his gyro. He wore the decadent smile on his messy face while he patted his belly. There was a word for people like him.
Equus Bravo - Bitalty - Roam - Train Station
After being waylaid in Roam for a day, the former professors returned to their passenger cabin on the pony express. Away from the prying eyes of the public, Thomas decided to express some of his opinions while rubbing his temples with his gloved hands.
“Jiminy Crickets, what were those creatures?” the usually calm man asked half-rhetorically.
“Ponies,” Autumn offered.
“They were all in bright colors.”
“I did call them pastel-colored ponies.”
“I didn’t know what that meant at the time. Being that brightly colored means that they don’t fear predators, and that usually means they are poisonous.”
“Or just really dangerous,” Bodo added.
“And lordy, their eyes. They’re so big that I wonder how they have any room for their brains.”
“Some have suggested they have eye-discs instead of round eyes like ours,” the dryad mentioned.
“Anyways, my point is these ponies look nothing like the ponies on earth. To even call them ponies makes no sense to me.”
“I find it strange you think earth ponies and ponies don’t look anything alike. There are only small differences between the three tribes like shape of our eyes or the width of our hooves, if you exclude the wings and horn.”
The one who had spoken was a familiar red-brown unicorn mare with a cream-colored mane. (Autumn had privately nicknamed her 'Epona'.) The armored pony had come into their cabin while no one was looking. The three didn’t know how much she had overheard, but any amount was enough to put them on edge. As to this point, they hadn’t really considered the danger of eavesdroppers.
“Welcome to our cabin, Dame Honest Penny,” Thomas greeted while the other two were recovering from their shock. “I don’t remember inviting you in.”
“The door was unlocked and slightly ajar, so I thought it fine to enter.”
“So what do we owe the pleasure?” the yuppie changeling asked.
“I am to stay with you. As a Royal Knight, it is my duty to protect innocents, and since you told us your lives are in danger by a wanted criminal, I have come to protect you. You three will be in my sights until the situation with Chrysalis is dealt with.”
Dame Honest Penny lied. She had decided to follow the three because the knight didn’t trust them. Doctor Stein’s answers had effectively probed the limits of her lie detection spell, finding several loopholes in the process. It had humiliated her. No true Royal Knight would stand their honor being tarnished like this. On top of that the betrayal of the twelve checked out, but their extreme loyalty to the one they called ‘Master Mackey’ didn’t match up. Somepony couldn’t both be very loyal and commit betrayal like this. Plus, loyalty like this takes time. The knight would know. With her honor and their bogus betrayal story in mind, the Lady Knight followed had made a request to watch over them.
“Are you going to be making reports back to the Royal Knights of Bitalty while you are with us?” Thomas inquired.
“Naturally, after all, you might remember something useful for the investigation of Chrysalis.”
Bodo and Autumn’s eyes flashed green while Thomas’s burned like embers. The stern man’s glove started to crumble away in flames, revealing fingers of chitinous black. Bodo held the other philosophers arm to calm him down, whispering something into his ears.
Suddenly, a feeling the royal knight had only felt when confronting large predators like manticores assailed her. A less trained pony would have fled and pissed themselves. This only made the mare more excited. She wanted action, and more importantly, the truth. She was Dame Honest Penny after all, the strongest unicorn and most accomplished knight in the Royal Knights of Bitalty.
“This won’t be a problem, will it?” the knight asked, casually straightening her armor. They could all see a magical gemstone in it that resembled the ones the bandits had for anti-magic but far more elegant and expensive looking. The changelings assumed it was more powerful or multi-purpose too. It might even be able to tell the royal knights if anything happen to her, which would mean another investigation. That would lead to more wasted time not conquering Equestria.
“Not at all, Lady Knight,” Thomas stated.
The knight closed the door behind her and sat next to them.
“Good because it would be a shame if I had to take Doctor Stein in for impersonating a Royal Knight. That is a serious crime with at least a five year prison sentence, and three for those harboring them. Also we Royal Knights have the jurisdiction to chase down and apprehend criminals in Prance and Equestria granted they committed their crimes in Bitalty.”
Two of them remembered when Bodo paraded through the the passenger cars of the train as a holy knight. Autumn, who only heard about it afterwards, had half-expected him to have praised the sun. It would have been glorious. At this point, dread seeped into them and all the mirth was gone.
“That would be a shame,” Thomas said in his practiced polite voice he gained under his parent's tutelage. “Please, if there is anything we can do for you, Lady Knight, don’t hesitate to ask.”
With that, the train signaled that the train was about to take off. Dame Honest Penny took the window seat much to a certain philosopher’s humiliation.
Author's Note
For more on the prisoner dilemma, click this link.
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 6: Murder on the Pony Express
Equus Bravo - Prance - Amore, The World Capital of Love - Pony Express 999
Dame Honest Penny wanted to see Amore, so the three decided to stay in the train. While the very human emotion spite was a motivator, the group all hoped she would leave and let them talk. The proverbial hoofcuffs, however, went both ways. Penny could have used her threat to get the changelings to comply, but she wasn’t going to abuse her power for her own benefit even if it meant she would be denied entry into the famous pony City of Love.
Their cabin door opened. Instead of being the attendant, it was a white unicorn with a blue mane. He appeared quite distinguished in his monocle and dress suit.
“Oh, I was not aware this cabin was taken,” the pony apologized. “Is this not cabin 42?”
“Sure as the meaning of life,” Autumn joked. “It is nice to meet you, Fancypants. Feel free to sit with us. I know it might be a bit cramped.”
Each cabin had two rows of seats, but the only window was closer to the seat by the knight. The idea was to allow passengers on the other side a dimmer seating so they can sleep.
“Oh, you know who I am, but I don’t know who you all are,” Fancypants commented with a charming laugh.
“I-I am Dame Honest Penny. You can sit by me.” She shoved Thomas out of the way.
“Oh, a Bitaltian knight. You know I went to Knight School in Prance. One of my best friends was a Bitalitian Knight. Do you know Lady Knight Merryweather?”
“Yes,” Penny lied. She might have met this knight but couldn’t place the name.
“I am Doctor Thomas Mackey,” the recently deposed man greeted politely, then sitting on the side without the window next to Bodo and directly across from Fancypants.
“A pleasure, and thanks for offering your seat to me, good chap.”
“Think nothing of it, Fancypants. It was only the polite thing to do.”
Penny glared daggers at Thomas.
“I am Professor Autumn Wright. I am not a doctor like these two, but don’t underestimate me. These two guys wouldn’t know a receivable from a payable without me.” She emphasized her self-importance by manipulating the shape of her staff, the gem of which glowed slightly brighter for a moment. This accounting knowledge wasn’t important to them at this moment as they hadn’t started their businesses up in Equestria yet. The two philosophers had easily conceded that accounting and financing those businesses would be up to her for the most part one the point came.
“Thinking of doing business in Equestria?” the white unicorn asked, getting an affirmation from the trio. “That isn’t easy for non-ponies. I hear the taxes are quite high. The Princess had always had a protectionist bent. Something about outside competition harming the natural harmony Cutie Marks bring to the kingdom.”
“You don’t seem like a fan of that policy,” Thomas stated.
“Let’s just say that I am a stallion of the world and know that it is best to have the right allies.” Fancypants gave them a disarming grin.
Bodo received a nudged from Thomas. “Oh, um, sup. I am Bodo.” Another nudge. “Or if you want to be polite, I am Doctor Bodo Stein, the one who wishes to carry the flame of philosophy into the next generation unlike my esteem colleague here who thinks it is dead.” Bodo gave said colleague a revenge nudge.
“Can we not talk about that? Jiminy Crickets, we are...not home anymore.”
Fancypants politely ignored their argument. “So why were you in my cabin?” he asked. “I was under the impression I would be alone.”
“Well, these so-called ‘heroes’ had everyone’s cabins changed after a bandit raid,” the knight explained. “Now I imagine a lot of ponies are finding their cabin already occupied and might have to take a different cabin.”
“Oh” was all Fancypants could say to that.
“Tell us something about yourself, Fancypants,” Penny requested.
“I like...upholstery.”
“Upholstery?”
“I just love how they made furnished the Pony Express. Their chairs are just the best.”
“Oh, you love upholstery too! We have so much in common,” Honest Penny stated emphatically.
Two changelings rolled their eyes at the love desperate mare.
“While it is a bit funny how the Minoans don’t wear shirts often, opting for pants, and ponies are the exact opposite, almost never wearing pants, I can’t get why a pony called Fancypants doesn’t wear them,” Bodo pointed out before a whistle signaled the train was leaving the station.
Equus Bravo - Two hours south of the Prance-Equestria Border - Pony Express 999
Bodo was using his illusion magic to create a widescreen television and surround sound system, so the group could watch one of his favorite movies The King of Hearts , a movie about everything. The train had come to a stop. The group could hear a loud roaring of some beast outside.
An attendant came to the cabin door.
“What is wrong? Why has the train stopped?” Penny asked her.
“A dragon is standing on the tracks, Lady Knight, ma’am.”
“Tell him to get off then.”
“We have tried, but he is in the middle of his mating ritual. He is also larger than a passenger car, so we aren’t about to interrupt him.”
“Well, if you aren’t going to do anything, I guess I will have to solve this problem,” the knight declared.
“You don’t mean to say you are going to fight the beast?” Fancypants asked incredulous.
“It would be but a mild annoyance for the Most Accomplished Royal Knight of Bitaly.” The group could not tell if Penny was serious or displaying bravado.
“Let’s not fight if we don’t have to,” Thomas suggested.
“You have a better idea?”
“Bodo could transform into a dragoness and get the dragon off the tracks,” Autumn offered.
“Hey, why me?”
“One, Tommy doesn’t like transforming into females, assuming this dragon is heterosexual, or non-humans. You have no qualms with being either gender or transforming into anything or anybody.”
It was true. Bodo would transform into random people the whole time they were in Iona and Bitaly. The man explain that he was just curious and didn’t want to take his power for granted. ‘There was a lot to learn by being in other people’s hooves,’ he would say. He didn’t care that other people saw him transform. It was better that ponies got used to changelings if they were going to succeed in their plan to conquer Equestria.
“Why not you then?”
“You are smart enough to know why,” Autumn countered the short man. “My transformations take too long and are too costly. I doubt I could even get that big. Plus if he wants to do the deed, you can just let an illusion take your place.”
It was true that he could make himself much larger temporarily if enough appreciation was present. None in the group had experience with love yet, but Thomas had already used friendship, which he received from Kraghorn. Friendship had a lot more kick to it than compared to appreciation, and the group could imagine love was even more intense.
“Fine Mom , but you guys are going to owe me a favor. I am going to be able to do what I want to do one day, and I don’t want any judgement from you. Before you ask, it won’t be unethical, just me being me.”
Due to the size difference between the two, Autumn really did look like his mom. Fancypants assumed she was since he didn’t know that Bodo was in fact more than twice her age. It didn’t help that Bodo had no qualms acting immaturely and Autumn authoritatively.
Bodo transformed into a scaled up version of Ember, which was a disguise Autumn had taught him on their first day as changelings. Bodo-Ember leaned out of her seat and whispered to Penny. “He loves someone else. You should give up.”
The knight blushed and decided it was best looked out the window with her face away from the stallion next to her. “Just leave,” she urged.
The dragoness did just that.
“The deed?” Fancypants inquired.
“You know: sex,” Autumn deadpanned.
“Sex?”
After a very awkward conversation about the birds and bees with a grown stallion, the two remaining changelings in the room learned that ponies didn’t procreate through what would be called sex. Apparently, ‘when two ponies love each other very much, a child is made” was quite literal for ponies. Love magic between two ponies would cause a mare to conceive a child. No sex was needed, which explained their lack of any visible genitalia. As for non-ponies, it was generally the old-fashion way for the non-magical species. The reliance on sex for procreation diminished as a creature became more and more magical. Changelings, despite being mostly made of magic, were an odd case because of the way they used love to sustain themselves. Plus, very little was known about changelings. Most of this information came from the Bitalian Knight, who only knew, she said, because her country had so many non-magical residents like buffalo. A lot of criminal investigations delved into the love lives of people, so a knight would have to know these things about the different species of her country.
Bodo-Ember walked down the passenger car, passing several rooms as she did. First, she saw a group of three rich ponies and their servants. Their coats of the three wealthy ponies formed a gradient from light gray to black. The trio all were talking giddily while holding on what looked like a paperback novel. The lone stallion in the little group looked surprised to see the changeling, which was understandable. Not everyday does a pony see a dragoness with large wings on a pony train. Their servants carried their saddlebags.
Second, she saw two taller than average mares gossiping. One was a unicorn and the other an alicorn. If the pseudo-dragoness remembered correctly, the alicorn was Mi Amore Cadenza or Cadence. She would have to talk to this alicorn later after taking care of the dragon outside. It never hurt to have connections in high places.
Third, Bodo-Ember passed by a grouchy stallion who looked like he was trying to find something in his luggage. There was nothing else of note to the guy, so she just kind of forgot about him.
Equus Bravo - Prance - One hour south of the Prance-Equestria Border - Airspace above the Pony Express Railway
Drake, the dragon who had put his horny butt on the rail tracks, was a terrible date. (Dragons have a bad habit of being where they are a problem for smaller creatures.) The moment Bodo-Ember had gotten him into the air, the guy just wanted to talk about himself. He thought his bragging would impressed the pseudo-dragoness. Sure, he knew how to give her a lot of compliments, but philosophers like a good dialogue over a domineering litany of pretty little nothings.
The dragoness forgave Drake as he treated her as an instrument to satisfy his desires as much as she did him. His lust was useful to the changeling. It was stronger than appreciation, but weaker than her approximation of the magic of friendship. If Bodo-Ember had to place it, it would have been around the strength of faith, which was hilarious to the philosopher.
After an hour of that, Drake asked her his first question. “Wow, this has been just awesome. I never seen a dragoness like you before. It is like you just get me. I would do anything, give up anything for you….” He got to his first question after a rather lengthy summary of how amazing the date was for him and how he devoted to her he was. “What do you think?”
“You want to know what I think?” Bodo-Ember asked caught off-guard. Drake nodded. “I think you need to work on your understanding of love. Love isn’t a bunch of nice words. Love isn’t abandoning who you are for someone else. Love isn’t absolute devotion or worship.”
Drake looked like she had just killed his puppy. In a way, the dragoness had by destroying his image of her and, by extension, his image of himself.
“Then what is love?” the shocked dragon questioned.
“Love is present in the world. Love is a...large hoard in a sturdy cave one can come to anytime. Love is a...selection of tasty gemstones gathered by a careful claw. Love provides protection just as it is protected whenever it is needed.
“Love is dangerous. Love gives part of itself without asking for anything in return and holds no grudges if nothing is returned. Even though no debt is recognized, love repays the gift in only the way those who actually love each other can by loving the piece of love that was given to them. You can easily hurt the one you love because they expose themselves to each other.”
“I can do all of that. My love can be all that and more, Ember!” Drake proclaimed, flying closer to the changeling in order to be ‘present’ for her.
“Can you?” the dragoness countered, flying further away from him. His lust may have allowed Bodo-Ember to reach a much larger size, but she was still smaller than him by a good deal. He could easily accidentally knock her out of the sky. It was an example of love being dangerous, but not in the way Bodo-Ember intended. “As I remember, you seemed completely preoccupied with yourself and a dream. Love can’t just be just a dream. You have to bring it down to… Equus. And to do that, you have to actually be with me. Not that dream version of me that just does whatever you say and listens to you all day. Sure I lover will listen to you, but there is a gulf of difference between lending a ear and being a tool.”
“So you are saying that if I act like that, you will love me….”
“One, no. Two, that isn’t what I said. If it were, then I would be doing the same thing as you. That is: telling you how to be without your input. Three, hell no. I am not going to date you.”
Drake gave her that sad puppy look again. Bodo-Ember felt really bad. Before this had just been a mutual using of each other, but it had gone passed that point when she decided to be real with him. The philosopher felt like she had just used the poor guy.
“Look you just have to try harder. Love is a lot about trying hard, not just for someone, but with them. Find yourself another dragon who is interested in you and wants to try at love with you.”
“Why can’t it be you? I love you.”
“It’s complicated.” It was a cliche line, but it was better than the truth in Bodo’s eyes.
For starters, Bodo-Ember didn’t want to tell him that she was actually a changeling and a man at that. She wasn’t sure how the dragon would react. Bodo had heard enough stories of people killing crossdressers and transgender people when they found out their partner’s sex. Autumn had told the changeling that dragons could be very aggressive, and Bodo-Ember didn’t want to get crushed like the bug she really was. Sure, Drake seemed like a nice dragon then, but the changeling wasn’t going to take any chances while alone in the air far from her comrades.
Secondly, explaining to Drake that she had just used him this whole time, not only for food but to let the train keep moving. Again, Bodo-Ember didn’t want to get crushed.
“I see….” Drake stared off into the distance as if contemplating something.
“I will just be going then.”
Drake didn’t respond, so the dragoness took that as an invitation to leave. She flew down to the train, scaled herself down, and entered the passenger car that was close to where she had originally exited from. She was glad there was nothing odd about dragons suddenly changing sizes. She merely had to explain that her hoard was in her mind and Drake believed her. The changeling only dropped the disguise after she had fully closed the door behind her.
The normal Bodo walked back down the passageway towards where he remembered their cabin being. On the way, he heard something strange like a beeping sound. Then there was two loud thump sound. The next moment almost froze in his eyes as he a shock wave passed through the cabin to his left and and then through himself, starting in his left arm. It forced the changeling back into his base form. He couldn’t feel his left forehoof anymore. He could see green flames erupting from his holes. The changeling could still hear and another, softer thump came from a passenger cabin a few doors away from him.
A black rich-looking unicorn stallion, whom Bodo vaguely remembered from before — the one who had a book and was with two other mares — rushed up to the severely injured changeling. Bodo fell unconscious reconsidering his stance on the existence of karma.
Equus Bravo - Prance - Forty-five minutes south of the Prance-Equestria Border - Pony Express 999
Everyone in the changelings’ cabin heard the two thump sounds and thought nothing of them until they heard a mare scream. They filed out quickly and let the royal knight take point.
First they came to a unicorn stallion holding the body of a changeling. The shapeshifters all looked the same to the former humans, but they assumed it was Bodo.
“What happened?” Penny asked, using her knightly voice.
“I don’t know, ma’am, but this creature got caught in whatever it was. I manage to stop the magical hemorrhaging, but it is going to take awhile before it wakes up.”
The knight inspected Bodo’s unconscious body. She knew that the changelings really looked like, but she found it hard to believe that it was in fact Bodo. In fact, she was starting to get why the shapeshifter thought of himself as a human more than a changeling. The first thing Penny noticed the changelings missing left foreleg. It was just a stump with a wet piece of torn clothing. She had inferred that the scrapped cloth had come from the stallion’s overcoat due to it’s expensive nature.
“Did you do this?” the knight inquired.
“Yes, I had experience as a field medic during the conflict with Griffonia.”
“And you knew how to treat changelings.”
“I don’t know how to treat changelings per se, but I have treated enough people from different species to have a good idea.”
Though the Griffonia was decades ago and the stallion with the dark coat seemed young, his answer satisfied the knight. Penny let Thomas take his friend back to their cabin to rest. She motioned everyone to stand back as she scanned the cabin next to where Bodo had fallen with her magic. Nothing dangerous appeared in her scan. Opening the door, the reddish brown mare found a stallion slumped over his luggage. Penny got close to him and checked his vitals.
“He just unconscious,” she announced.
The others sighed in relief.
At this point, Penny remembered they had heard a mare scream and knew that they hadn’t seen the end of the crime scene. They went down a few cabins to find three servants in the hallway.
“Coming through, coming through,” Penny told them as she pushed her way into the cabin. Inside she found a light gray mare weeping over the body of another mare with a dark gray coat. The former field medic and Fancypants rushed into the room and passed the knight.
“Who is this?”
“Pretty Skirt, my friend,” the former field medic answered.
“And my wife,” the lover of upholstery added.
“And she is de-de-dead,” the weeping mare finished.
Penny inspected the body more closely and found that this was indeed the case.
“How did she die?” Fancypants asked. His voice was equal parts somber and shocked.
“It was magical destabilization.” The knight trailed her hoof from the mare, following a magical signature in the air. She quickly found its source: a small can with a popped lid on the floor next to a few murder mystery paperback novels. “This was the magical explosive, remotely detonated by either magic or a magical remote detonator. It doesn’t do any physical damage, but to magical creatures like ponies it can cause them to shut down. In the case of Bodo, the damage was more severe due to being made of more magic than flesh.”
Penny frowned for a moment.
“What is wrong, Lady Knight?” the stallion friend of the deceased inquired in an excited voice.
“The explosive was too small to kill a pony, even a unicorn, unless it was right next to her.”
“Are you suggesting it was in her lap when it exploded?”
“It is possible someone close to her planted it on her person, knowing it would go off.”
Autumn and Penny left the other ponies with the dead victim to mourn. The weeping mare had also been one of Pretty Shirt’s friends along with the black stallion.
“So we have a murderer on the loose then,” Autumn stated. “They would have to be on the train.”
“Yes we do,” Penny thought. “How do I know it isn’t one of you?”
“Why would we kill a pony with you watching us like a hawk? Especially a pony we don’t even know.”
“You seemed to know her husband quite well.”
“That is different.”
“How so?”
“Um...Fancypants is better known where I came from.” Autumn faltered as the knight backed her into a corner. “Anyways, how do I know it isn’t you?”
“I?”
“You wanted to bring us to jail since the moment we met you. You were the one going to the mare’s room for twenty minutes to supposedly ‘powder your nose’. You could have planted the explosives thinking they wouldn’t kill anypony and blame us for it afterwards.”
If the situation wasn’t so serious, Penny would have laughed at the tree-like giant in front of her. “First, I don’t need an excuse to put you in jail. I already have one, if not two. Second, I recommend you politely turn your suspicions elsewhere if you know what is good for you and your friends. Third, I went into the bathroom for so long because-” She leaned into the dryad and motioned her to lean in too. It was a bit difficult as Autumn was five feet taller than the unicorn. “-this armor chaffs like Tartarus when I sit for a prolong period of time, and I was starting to get a rash. I needed to put ointment on it.”
Two tall mares had come up to them during their conversation. Autumn identified them immediately.
“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza (aka Cadence), Mrs. Fleur de Lis, this is Dame Honest Penny.” The dryad’s awareness of their names was strange but understandable. Cadence was a princess, and Fleur de Lis a Prench Ambassador. Both of them had their pictures in the newspapers and tabloids many times.
“What happened?” the unicorn Fleur de Lis asked.
“We heard a scream,” the alicorn Princess Cadence added.
“Everything will be explained shortly. Meet us in the dining cabin,” Penny told them before leaving.
“Where are we going?” Autumn wondered.
“We are getting everypony together. After we explain everything, I will be conducting interviews.”
“May I help with the investigation, Lady Knight?” The one who had inquired was Fancypants. He had left his wife in the hooves of her close friends.
“Hey, how do we know you are guilty?” the dryad pointedly pressed.
“Because he was with you the whole time and I assumed you didn’t see him do any magic or use any devices while I was gone,” Penny interjected.
Autumn affirmed she had seen the stallion perform no schenagains.
“Thank you, Fancypants. Your help will be appreciated,” Penny said. She had given up on courting the stallion now the knight knew he had been married. She wasn’t about to hit on a widower. Plus, she was a professional in a serious situation.
“Wo, wo wo, I am not done,” the accountant countered. “Why weren’t you with your wife on the train? A bit convenient that you were in a cabin that didn’t get bombed.”
Fancypants made a face of pure offense but soon calmed himself. “I have you know that I had no idea my wife was even on this train or in Prance.”
This made even Penny curious. “Why wouldn’t you know where your wife is?”
“I travel a lot for my work, and I don’t usually bring my wife with me on these trips. I assume she went to Amore with her friends. I am more surprised she didn’t tell me she was also in the city or I would have made arrangements.”
The answer satisfied the knight, who had discreetly used her lie detection spell, so she didn’t press the widower for more information about his love life. Penny assured Autumn that having somepony invested in finding the truth on the case would be an asset. While Autumn wanted to like the stallion — he was a pretty cool guy in the show, she remembered, but the dryad didn’t know how she felt having a victim’s husband involved in the investigation. He might be guilty or fly off the handle when they found the guilty one , she thought.
Equus Bravo - Prance - Thirty minutes south of the Prance-Equestria Border - Pony Express 999
Penny had explained to all the passengers what had happened. As a royal knight, she would conduct the investigation. The mare inspected all the rooms and found no signs of explosives. Everything seemed innocent. For instance, the two friends of Pretty Skirt both had the new Agate Crystal novel.
The knight then split all the ponies in groups based on their relation to the victims and was going to interview each group based on how close they were to Pretty Skirt. Every interview would be done under a lie detection spell. She had Autumn and Fancypants supporting her and managing the other passengers. Everypony was expected to stay in their cabins except for Autumn, Fancypants, or the former field medic, who would tend to Bodo if he wasn’t found guilty in his interview.
The first interview group were Pretty Skirt’s two supposed friends.
“Please state your names.”
“I am Black Hoof,” the stallion stated.
“Merryweather,” the mare added nervously. She looked like she was about to cry at any moment, but the stallion next to her comforted her.
“What was your relationship with Pretty Skirt?”
“We were her friends,” the stallion answered and the mare merely nodded.
“Why were you in Amore?”
“W-we were there because of a new book from our favorite author Agate Crystal came out. Pretty was re-really excited to come,” the mare stuttered before breaking into a sobs.
“Did you have anything to do with the magical explosion that killed Pretty Skirt?”
Both denied it emphatically and the die detection spell gave no response.
“Were you responsible for the explosion that hurt Gardener Grumps and the changeling Bodo?”
“I was not responsible, and Merryweather was with me,” Black Hoof answered. Merryweather had her face buried in the stallions barrel as he held her and she cried.
“Do you have any leads as to who the culprit might be?”
“One,” Merryweather spoke up after getting control over her emotions. “Her butler. He killed his former employer. He might have done caused her to die when he handled her luggage.”
“Okay, you are dismissed. Your aid in this investigation is much appreciated Black Hoof, Merryweather.”
“We are always happy to help a member of the Prench Guard,” the stallion said before leaving with the crying mare. Penny didn’t bother correcting him about not being a Prench Guard. Equestrians were not very well verse in the differences in the armors of law enforcement of their various southern nations. To the uninformed, all the armors looked the same even though Penny had a very large white magic crystal in her silver armor, reflective of her high rank in the Bitalian Royal Knights.
The next group were the three servants of the friends. The butlers for the two friends were quickly dismissed after only a few questions, but Penny kept Pretty Skirt’s butler behind for further questioning. The butler’s name was Flaxton.
“I have been told that you killed your former mistress?”
“I was acquitted for the death of my former master .”
“Did you kill him?”
“I don’t have to answer that question under Prench law.”
He was referring to a law preventing a pony from being accused of the same crime again after they were found not guilty even if future evidence was found.
“...Very well. Then let us get to the hay of the matter. Were you responsible for the explosion that killed Pretty Shirt, your employer?”
“No, I wasn’t.” The lie detection spell checked out.
She asked about the other explosive, and he passed there too. He didn’t have any suspicions about who it might have been, so Penny dismissed him.
“Fancypants, bring in the next group.”
“Right away, but may I step out for this one. I have something to get from my luggage.”
Penny allowed this. She didn’t really think the next group would be guilty anyways.
Princess Cadence and Ambassador Fleur de Lis entered as Fancypants left.
They stated their names and passed all the questions involving the incident. Before Penny dismissed them, Autumn made an off-hand comment.
“You know, I was fully expecting Fleur de Lis to be Fancypants’s wife. You two looked pretty close.”
The dryad covered her mouth immediately after realizing she said what she had been thinking that out loud. She might not be as adept with sensing the invisible love connections between people as Bodo, but she thought she could feel a spark between the two as they passed each other in the door to the cabin Penny was using for interviews. Plus, the two ponies looked to be together in the show though that was in the future if her guess of their timeline placement was correct (that is before the rise of Nightmare Moon).
Fleur de Lis blushed while the two other mares in the room went slack jawed. Cadence was the first to recover.
“Those tabloids were telling the truth?” the Princess asked with a mixture of incredulity and outrage.
“It is better than the tabloids that said we were together,” the Ambassador countered. “I still remember Shiny’s face when he saw them.”
“He is a married stallion,” the alicorn of love retorted, not being distracted by the reference to her fiance.
“You more than anypony should know the heart follows no rules and will not be denied.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“And have you react like this?”
“I could have helped!”
“You would have messed with my emotions, so I wouldn’t love him anymore!”
“It would have been better than pining over a married stallion. Marriage is until death do we part, Fleur.”
‘Huh, so ponies don’t allow divorce,’ Autumn inferred. ‘I guess the show does paint a pretty idealistic vision of love, but it obviously doesn’t work for everypony.’
Penny promptly dismissed the two mares, so they could continue their argument in their cabin.
The only conscious person left was Mackey.
He entered the room and gave Penny a cold glare.
‘What is his problem?’ the knight thought.
“Did you have anything to do with the murder of Pretty Skirt and the two magical explosions?”
Thomas said ‘No’ twice. The first time the lie detector didn’t react, and the second time it did.
“Wha….?!” Penny spluttered, making Autumn laugh.
“The sky is purple. Two plus two is five. I am seventy-two years old.”
None of this caused a reaction.
“The sky is blue. Two plus two is four. I am seventy-two years old.”
Each sentence caused a spark to come from the knight’s horn, indicating lies.
“Wha…?!” she spluttered again before recomposing herself. Not everyday does someone demonstrate that your special talent and the magic spell you based your career on is so deeply flawed. When Bodo had done it, the loopholes he found were understandable. You just had to be more specific with your questions. This was on another level. “How did you do that?!”
“Simple,” Thomas stated. “The speaker decides what they mean by their words before they speak. All I have to do is regard what I am saying as either nonsense or qualify them with something that makes them true. After all, a good portion of what we mean by what we say is unspoken.”
“The sky is purple?”
“If by purple I mean blue and blue is purple, then yes.”
“Two plus two equals five?”
“If we add a rule that says pairs of the same number means we add one more point. It was a rule in a game that I used to play as a child.”
“You are seventy-two years old?”
“Depends on whether I mean exactly seventy-two years or not.”
“You are really seventy-two years old?”
“I think you are missing the point,” Thomas replied with an upraised hand. “The point is that your whole lie detection spell is worthless if someone knows how to get around it.”
“Only you changelings have figured out a way around it.”
“That doesn’t mean others haven’t also figured it out,” Autumn countered.
Penny wracked her brain for several palpable moments. Then she ran out of the interview cabin. The two changelings followed, but she told them to stand back. The knight bursted into the cabin with Princess Cadence and Ambassador Fleur de Lis in it. The two mares screamed.
“What is the meaning of this?!” the alicorn demanded.
The knight ignored her, instead casting a magical spell through the room. Her spell picked something up in the Ambassador’s saddlebags. Opening them, she found another can similar to the one found in Pretty Skirt and Grumpy’s respective cabins. (The latter was found shortly before gathering everypony in the dining cart earlier.) The two national figures screamed again as the armored mare threw the device out the window where it exploded when it contacted with the ground.
“Lady Knight, what is the meaning of this?” Fleur questioned after calming down.
“If you want to know, meet us all back in the dining cart. It is time to reveal who really killed Pretty Skirt.”
Equus Bravo - Prance - Two minutes minutes south of the Prance-Equestria Border - Pony Express 999
The ponies were once again gathered in the dining cart. Thomas was the only one not present as he was being trusted with the care of the two living victims.
“Well, who done did it?” Autumn asked, earning her a roll of the eyes from the knight.
First Penny walked to Flaxton. "At first, I thought this case would be solved quickly. The butler is always the first suspect in a murder. I am not surprised he was accused for killing his former master, and it makes sense the Pretty Skirt hired you. At least this time, the butler is not the murderer."
Second Penny walked to Fancypants. "The adulterous husband, who was trapped in an unhappy marriage before the murder of his wife, quickly tried to make me an ally in the investigation. I was happy to have him with me even if it broke protocol because then I could keep an eye on him. I considered the bombs, which didn't do any physical damage. I thought how perfect it must be for the lover of upholstery to have bombs that didn't do any damage to the cabin furnishings. However, despite all this evidence pointing at him, this stallion was not the murderer."
The ponies in the cabin gasped (or looked scandalized).
"I am far too great an investigator to be fooled by all this evidence meant to frame mostly innocent ponies. The real killer of Pretty Skirt was herself."
"You are telling me my wife killed herself?"
"Precisely!" Dame Honest Penny proclaimed. "Allow me to weave you the tale of a mare desperate for the excitement. You see Pretty Skirt missed the times when her husband still loved her. Murder mysteries became her fix, particularly ones written by Agate Crystal. She became so obsessed with them that she hired Flaxton just because of the rumors he had killed his former master; however, that wasn't enough. She wanted to participate in her own real murder mystery. Pretty Skirt was a mere amateur, though. She triggered her own magic explosive in her lap, killing herself."
"Why did Pretty Skirt target Grumpy?" Fancypants wondered.
"That is because the bomb wasn't intended for Grumpy. They were for Princess Cadence and Ambassador Fleur. The cabins rearranged by some changeling vigilantes in Bitaly, so ponies had to decide whether they would sit in their assign cabins with strangers or take a different unoccupied cabin."
"But that doesn't explain how an explosive appeared in my bag," the unicorn ambassador countered. "You already checked all of our rooms and luggage. Plus, the explosive would need to be remotely detonated."
"That is because Pretty Skirt wasn't alone. She had accomplices from her overzealous book club out to foalnap an Equestrian princess and a Prench ambassador. Did you want to replace them and cause a war between Prance and Equestria? Or were you just a bunch of anti-monarchists?"
"Preposterous!" Merryweather shouted.
"You have no evidence!" Black Hoof retorted. "It is far more likely the butler or her husband helped her."
"I would have thought that too until I remembered something. Black Hoof, how old would you say you are?"
"I am thirty-two. I fail to see how this is important."
"You know that three years old is a pretty young age for a field medic in the Griffonian conflict, or should I say a changeling in the Griffonian Conflict? No wonder you knew how to treat Bodo and talk yourself around my lie detection spell. Merryweather place the second bomb, didn't see? That is why you answered on her behalf there."
The room was completely silent. The train attendant entered the dining car with food.
“I am happy to tell you that we have officially entered Equestria,” the clueless pony announced before attempting and failing to take the ponies’ orders.
“You are too late now, Prench Guard,” Black Hoof declared. “We are outside your jurisdiction now we are on Equestrian soil.”
“Why do you assume I am a Prench Guard? Through the Roaming Accord, I hereby arrest Black Hoof and Merryweather for attacking the changeling Bodo, who was and currently is under the protection of Bitalian Royal Knights.”
"Leader, run!" Merryweather told Black Hoof.
"Gladius and Autumn, help Merryweather!" the stallion shouted while shooting a green lightning bolt that sizzled the dining tables as it passed by. Penny's armor reacted with a shield, which withstood the bolt for a few seconds before being punctured. The knight collapsed in a fit of spasms as her armor tried to neutralize the electrical magic.
The pseudo-dryad's eyes flashed for a moment as the fancily dressed light gray pegasus mare named Merryweather charged at the temporarily incapacitated Bitalian Guard. Autumn stepped in front of Penny to protect the downed knight, not being phased by Black Hoof's order. The fast pegasus had enough training to react, Autumn didn't. Swerving up, Merryweather bucked the tall dryad in the chin with her forehooves. Autumn fell backwards onto Fancypants like a cut down tree.
Fleur de Lis took over fighting the pegasus, using a magic fencing style involving casting multiple element spells and fancy hoofwork. It looked as if she were a matador dancing around a flying bull, but in this case they were two mares.
The stallion’s servant, previously an unassuming earth pony mare, dropped her disguise to reveal a large changeling. Her dark turquise armor resembled the one worn by Phallanx, so the dazed Autumn surmised that she was a Praetorian Guard. Where there was a Praetorian Guard, there was a Praetor being guarded. The implication fell to the back of the pseudo-dryad’s mind as she engaged Gladius.
Autumn got up and held her staff like a minigun. Dozens of thorns shot out of it, hitting the opposing changeling, who felt nothing.
‘I don’t know why I thought that thorns would work against armor and chitin,’ Autumn thought as the Praetorian Guard rammed her against the wall. The dryad pushed herself back up and used her staff to latch onto Gladius; however, the changeling just flew as away from Autumn, towing her around like she was nothing. ‘Why is she so much stronger than me? If the guards are like this, I don’t want to face a Praetor.’
By this point, all the civilian ponies were hiding under their tables and Black Hoof was making his exit. Before he did, Cadence tried to stop him with a shield over the door.
“What magic did you use to get those mares to try to foal nap me?” she demanded to know.
“None at all.” He bucked the alicorn right in the chest with enough force to break some ribs and knock her out.
The shield dropped, and Black Hoof took advantage of the subsequent panic to escape.
Dame Honest Penny had finally recovered from her daze. After casting a restraining spell on Merryweather's wings, the knight turned her attention to the Praetorian Guard. Penny saw the changeling Autumn was trying and failing to deal with. Her eyes went white with pure magic as she summoned an ethereal scythe. It was time to do some reaping of evildoers.
“Let it go, Autumn!”
The dryad didn’t need any convincing. She released the changeling who immediately blasted the accountant out of the dining car into the next passenger car. Autumn was hurt but not unconscious.
Penny engaged the creature, making wide sweeps to keep the changeling cornered. The knight managed to lop off a hoof from the changeling which caused it to gush green flames. Gladius didn’t seem to mind as she took an opportunity to bite into the scythe, which caused a part of it to disappear and her hoof to regenerate.
“Impossi-”
Before the knight could finish speaking, Gladius gave her the same 'love tap' as she had given Autumn earlier. Penny landed with her plot in the air right next to the dryad, who picked her up.
“Trust me. I saw this in the show,” Autumn told Penny as she reached to the pony’s tail. The knight had no idea what the dryad was talking about or doing. Autumn started cranking knight’s tail like a gatling gun, which surprisingly caused her to horn to shoot out kinetic blasts. This time the shots didn’t bounce off the chitin. Unable to eat the high speed projectiles, Gladius took damage without recovering. A few of Penny’s blasts blew out the train car wall. The changeling took this as her opportunity to escape.
The dryad grinned that she had successfully got her gatling idea to work, even if it wasn't with her own powers.
When Gladius was out of sight, the Penny swiped at dryad’s hand on her tail. “Never do that again!”
“It worked didn’t it?”
“I have no idea that was possible, but does a hole in the train and two free criminals look like a job well done to you?”
“Well, when you put it that way, yeah it looks pretty bad. But at least we caught Merryweather.”
Autumn gave Penny a smile.
“What is it now?” the irritated mare asked.
“Oh nothing. Just you said you are going to protect us. You do care!”
“I told you I was here to protect you from the beginning I joined you on this crazy train . Anyways, I still very willing to throw you into prison. Now I have assault of a Royal Knight added to the list of your group’s crimes.”
Autumn ignored the pony’s words as she just gave Penny a hug. The knight rolled her eyes but didn’t complain. It was later discovered that the dryad had suffered a multiple concussions from her fight.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Changeling Hive - Nursery
Queen Chrysalis gave a circumspect glance over the thousands of pods before her. She had just received a report of Praetor Black Hoof’s failure to capture the Princess of Love. The matriarch had hoped to take the pony’s place in order to eventually infiltrate Equestria. Black Hoof had mentioned three changeling drones who were also on mission to Equestria and must have had orders directly from her in order to disobey him. Her mind cycled through all her active drones until she remembered. ‘It looks like my three little snacks are turning out to be more interesting than I expected. I will look forward to their quarterly report at the end of October.’
Changeling calendars were a month later than Equestrian ones, starting in February instead of January, which is why the third quarter ended in October.
Putting away those thoughts, the Queen’s mind returned to her new children. All the aggressive harvesting had paid off. She would soon have an army will conquer and grow exponentially. Chrysalis walked through the pods that grew life in them and stopped before the three largest ones. They didn’t belong to new changelings but rather three drones the Queen was remaking from the hoof up into the Praetor/Mater class. They had possessed an uncanny amount of knowledge of theoretical physics but needed discipline. The reconstruction process would give them the kind of undying loyalty and independence simple mind control can’t.
‘Equus and all the other Equus’s won’t know what hit them when I am through.’ Chrysalis started laughing maniacally beside herself before returning to managing the love flow in her hive.
Author's Note
The title and Agate Crystal is an homage to Murder on the Orient Express
Black Hoof is a reference to the Black Hand , which was partially responsible for the start of WWI.
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 7: Lo-Costs and other Bee Knees
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Customs
The three professors and Dame Honest Penny arrived in Canterlot without much trouble. Fancypants, Cadence, and Fleur de Lis said their goodbyes and promised to meet them again. Penny transferred the pegasus criminal Merryweather to the Equestrian authorities to be sent back to Bitaly. Bodo was still unconscious, so had to be carried around on a stretcher by Penny. Most of the difficulty the changelings faced came from the Customs office.
“So what is all this?” the royal guard at the customs deck inquired as he put away the newspaper. The top article was speculating where the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration would be held next year.
“One hundred bandits worth of weapons and armor, a few anti-magical amulets, and three hundred bits,” Autumn replied, handing the stallion a dossier with a count of everything down to weapon type and fair market value in bits. She was an accountant, so detailed records like this were nothing.
The guy scratched his head. “This looks like enough to equip a small private army. What do you plan to do with all of this?”
“Create an adventurer’s guild, which is a lot like a private army except the mercenaries are self-employed.”
“Okay...I will have to bring in my superior.”
That superior had to bring her superior who had to bring her superior as well. Eventually, the Captain of the Royal Guard stood before them. It took roughly two hours.
“So you are the ponies that helped save my fiance,” the Captain stated.
“We aren’t ponies, but we did help in the investigation that help prevent Princess Cadence from being foalnapped by a mysterious group lead by a changeling, Captain Shining Armor.”
The Captain didn’t even flinch at the dryad’s familiarity with him.
“Understand that you helping me won’t earn you any favors.”
“Completely understandable, Captain. By the way, have you told Twilight Sparkle that you are engaged to her former foalsitter? I doubt she would be very happy to learn that her BBBFF is keeping things from her. She copes with her anxiety by knowing things, and surprises can be bad for her health, which is why it important that she use those breathing exercises that Cadence taught her. You should take this opportunity while she is still in Canterlot.”
“Cadence been talking to you about us?” the white stallion questioned with a small eye-twitch.
“I didn’t really get to talk to her at all. I did overhear her argument with Fleur. I would love to see those tabloids about them being in love.”
Shining Armor blushed deeply as those under his chain of command fought back giggles.
“I would be thankful if you did not discuss my private life in front of the guard….”
“Autumn Wright, Adjunct Accounting Professor. I understand, but if you or your fiance ever want to talk, I would happy to have you.”
“Where are you going with all these weapons?”
“Ponyville.”
Shining Armor had never heard of the place.
“It is a small earth pony village next to the Everfree,” the dryad clarified before his guards could pull out a map and find it.
“Why there?”
“There happens to be a lot of monster attacks in that region.”
The customs official explained what she had said about their adventurer’s guild.
“Why would you want to do that when we, the Royal Guard, can handle that?”
“Simple, we would be stationed in the villages and would be making expeditions into Everfree. This will provide this vulnerable villages more immediate protection than the Royal Guard and the Wonderbolts could provide.”
“So you aim to help us?”
“I would say compete, but in the end, the result is the same: ponies’ lives are saved and Equestria is a safer place. Before you ask, we didn’t bring any mercenaries because we intend to make contracts with locals.”
The Captain sighed. There wasn’t any laws against having weapons, but he had the right to take action to protect Equestria.
“You can have the amulets and bits, but the weapons are to stay under the watch of the Royal Guard for a probationary period during which you will receive a surprise inspection from the Magistry of Loyalty. If your intentions are as you say, then you will have your weapons again. Otherwise, welcome to Equestria.”
“Thanks, we will be off then,” the business dryad said before picking up their bits and amulets. ‘We won’t need them until after we have the first batch of recruits trained anyways. This is basically free warehousing, lowering our overhead. ’
Thomas and Autumn passes by Shining Armor and regrouped with Penny who was tending the unconscious Bodo.
“What took you so long?” the white-maned mare asked in an irritated tone.
“Well, they just let you passed without a second question. I got interrogated by what must have been half of the Royal Guard.”
“It look to me like you were having a grand old time with the Captain, cracking jokes.”
Thomas ignored the two and went to Bodo. The philosopher fed his colleague some love.
“Let’s get to Ponyville. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get to business,” he suggested.
They agreed and took the next train to Ponyville. They would have taken a flying chariot, but those costed three times the train fair. Penny didn’t even have to buy a ticket, but the changelings, including the unconscious Bodo, needed to pay. The Bitalian said something about being a pony and a knight giving her special privileges. Autumn was pretty sure it was more the former than the latter as she didn’t see any of the other native Equestrians having to pay either. The train was a public utility pay for pony use. Non-equestrians had to pay, but if you were a pony, nopony was going to question it. Equestria was a pony country where citizenship was first and foremost species-based. (This might seem racist, but most countries were like this on Equus.)
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
Thomas descend the stairs to the ground floor of Golden Oaks Library.
“Has he woken up yet?” Autumn asked him while writing down a list of objectives along with their resource requirements and priorities. She had to learn to use a quill to do this, and her scroll had several ink splotches on it already.
“No,” the philosopher sighed. “Bodo has been like this for a whole week. His foreleg hasn’t even healed at all. I have to keep it tightly wrapped in a wet rag, or he starts bleeding green flames.”
“Ugh!” the dryad groaned as her quill broke in her left hand. She stood up and summoned her staff. “I am going out. Perhaps we can find a way to get the ponies in this town to trust us.”
“Best of luck,” the reddish-brown mare with a cream-colored mane called Penny said, getting out from her makeshift bed. It was still morning, and their talking had woken her up. The knight went upstairs to brush her mane in the only bathroom, which wasn’t a problem for them since changelings didn’t eat physical food and could just transform to get ready for the day.
Autumn gave Penny a glance, noticing the knight’s cutie mark, which was a golden triangle. “See yah later, Epona,” she hollered up the stairs before leaving. ‘Epona’ mumbled her goodbye as she had long accepted the nickname.
‘Well, it is not a bad thing to be considered a god among equines,’ Penny concluded.
The dryad wandered around Ponyville. All the ponies had already taken covered despite her only being out and about for a few short moments. Usually it took ten minutes for the ‘Monster attack!’ drill to fully take place and everypony to find a hiding place.
A tumbleweed passed her by as Autumn walked into the market square. There she encountered a hooded figure.
“Oi, Zecora!” Autumn shouted as she lifted her ten-foot staff in salute.
The hooded figure jumped in shock.
“Who uses my name while I can’t do the same. You, stranger, make me fret because we have not yet met.”
“Oh, I could listen to your rhymes all day, Zecora,” the tall dryad replied, giving the half-curtsy, half-bow she learned from Arachne. “My name is Autumn Wright, business dryad extraordinaire. If my understanding is correct, you have come to Ponyville to trade your alchemic creations for ingredients and perhaps some bits.”
“Autumn Wright, what an interesting name,” the mysterious figure commented before taking down her hood to reveal that she was a zebra. “Though how do you know the wherefore I came?”
“You have many questions, and I have many answers, my new friend,” the dryad replied with a smile.
“The evil body snatchers have teamed up with the evil enchantress,” a high-pitch voice yelled from the local bakery. “They plan to conquer equestria with their magic and replace us.”
‘That is racist, somewhat accurate, but racist,’ Autumn thought.
“I have taken to wearing a hood since my stripes they have misunderstood,” Zecora commented, covering her head once again with said hood.
“We are not wanted here, so follow me back to my friends,” the dryad recommended as she motioned with her staff back to the library.
There they found Penny at a table and Thomas in the kitchen.
“Food! Food! Food!” the knight chanted. She had become addicted to the culinary specialist’s meals over the past few days. They had to buy supplies from a less skittish town further from the Everfree with a stronger Royal Guard presence.
“It will be done, shortly. I just need to find the right spices.”
Zecora went to find that the man was making a curry dish for Penny. She smelled the dish and indicated she wanted to make a taste. Thomas handed her the stirring spoon, and after giving it a lick, she hummed for a bit. “I think more turmeric would do the trick.”
“That is what I was thinking too, but I am freshly out,” the cook mentioned. His stoic face didn’t change much, but it was clear to Autumn who knew him better that it bothered him to be so low on ingredients.
‘We are all coping with our new lives the best we can,’ the dryad whimsically observed. ‘Thomas does that with his cooking. It calms him, and he delights in how his food makes people smile.’
“The ginger you sought fortunately I have brought.” Zecora opened her saddlebags to reveal a plant root. Together they ground it up and added it to the curry.
“It is nice to have another person who can taste the food for me to help with the cooking,” Thomas said, referring to his lack of taste as a changeling. “Especially, someone who knows their way around spices. What do I owe you for the ginger?”
“Tom, for a new friend, nothing must you spend.”
Thomas served Autumn (who can mimic tastebuds), Zecora, and Penny. Autumn and Penny cried as they consumed the spicy meal, the former in pain and the other in ecstasy. Zecora ate with poise and polite appreciation.
A change only perceptible to Autumn and Thomas occurred.
“I think I am in love,” Penny declared. “Will you marry me, Tom?”
“Bad, Epona!” the dryad reprimanded. She grew a foldable wooden fan with her plant powers and whacked the mare in the head, which earned her new new fan a blast of magic.
“Stop that!” the knight barked. “I was just joking. It would be a conflict of interest to have a relationship with the ponies I am protecting anyways.”
“Could have fooled me,” Autumn commented, discarding the broken fan. “Anyways, I doubt Thomas has any interest in equines. I sure don’t.”
‘Bodo might, but he was kind of a rebel,’ Dryad thought offhandedly.
The cook’s miniscule frown in absolute disgust at the idea was all equines in the room needed to know his position.
Penny conjured a mirror to see if there was something wrong with her mane or a piece of food in her teeth. “I don’t really see the problem.”
The knight came from Bitalty where ponies were more likely to find love in other species. The hippogriffs and other mixed species existed for a reason.
Regardless of the knights ultimate intentions love and camaraderie flowed in the air from the two equines and fed the two changelings.
“I see you found a new friend in Ponyville, Autumn. Did you find any other success?”
“No, that blasted pink menace has the whole town under her spell.”
“Magic is involved?”
“No, Penny, I meant that figuratively. Pinkamena Diane Pie is just spreading panic by telling people how evil we are. She doesn’t even know us and makes up all these lies. I bet she thinks it is all just in good fun, being a party pony and all, but it’s not. It really sucks.”
“Well, you convinced me: Thomas isn’t evil,” Penny explained, filing away for later how Autumn just happened to know the full name of this trouble-making pink pony. “Nopony who cooks this good can be evil.”
Autumn ignored the implication that she might be evil. The dryad had realized something and the gears in her head started turning rapidly. ‘I have been treating these ponies like people. I should be thinking them like animals...no, lower than that...college students. And what is the one way to get a college students to like you and do whatever you want them to?’
“Thomas, do you have anymore of that curry?” she inquired.
“Only a little bit, not enough to make a full plate though.”
“Good, start making more. We got a lot of ponies to feed. Penny, would you buy some rice from the market now that the ponies have come out of hiding? You might as well since Thomas is making all your food and you haven’t paid him for any of it. Zecora, I think we have found a solution to our mutual problem. If you help Thomas in the kitchen by providing him the ingredients he needs, I promise you the ponies will treat you better.”
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Just Outside Golden Oaks Library
Golden Harvest trotted blissfully through Ponyville when the most delectable smell invaded her snout. She followed it like a hound dog . This led to her a silver platter with a small amount of some kind of new rice dish on it that the mare had never seen before. Golden gobbled it up and then steam came out of her ears.
“Water?” a voice behind her asked.
She nodded vigorously and received a small glass of tap water.
“I hope you enjoyed the free sample. Would you like to make your order?”
“Would I ever! Can I have-” Golden began before she saw who was waiting on her. It was some kind of giant hideous (to a pony) plant monster. She was about to run, but a scent from the kitchen of the library she just discovered she was in kept her put. She had skipped breakfast due to the monster scare earlier the day, and it was almost lunch time.
“We have more curry rice if you want. Also, we are providing a host service. Here are a list of ponysonas who can wait on you complete with their personalities, measurements, and blood types.”
“Blood types?” the mare asked confused. The question left her mind the moment she saw the menu of ponies that could serve her. Golden Harvest was still a hot-blooded single mare and some of these ponies (or ponysonas) were hot. “This one, Chad Steel.”
“He will be here with your curry shortly, Mrs. Golden Harvest,” the monster explained helpfully, doing a curtsy-bow.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - The Buzzing Host Cafe (aka Golden Oaks Library’s ground floor)
Autumn sighed as she transformed into another pony, a tall unicorn mare with a blue mane for Bonbon. It took her about thirty seconds to transform into a pony at this point due to her practice and the relatively small size of their bodies. She had to turn away non-VIP ponies away as Thomas ran out of food and Zecora was on break, mingling with some of the ponies for the first time. This would be last group of ponies for the day. Penny was offended how easily her fellow ponies were swayed by just offering them food and basically a ready-made date.
‘Prostitution in prudish Equestria, I never thought I would see the day,’ Penny thought.
All and all, The Buzzing Host Cafe , as Autumn had decided to call it, could only handle five ponies at a time in total for three hours before calling it quits. They sold meals at seven bits a plate and host services for twenty bits for fifteen minutes. The ponies who were turned away would have to get a reservation if they wanted to try the exotic new foods sometime in the next week. Thomas and Zecora had made. It didn’t take a long time to get everypony served as each group got to eat from the same pot of curry and drink from the same kettle of tea. The hard part was hosting each one without making any of the next in line wait too long. If Bodo was there, this would have been easy, but Autumn had to handle all the single ponies and their lusts. They limited their host services to one pony at a time and added a premium charge on it. Penny didn’t do any real work as she was a knight and had to remain independent of private businesses. The dame did at least help Autumn make the hosts’ designs.
A loud gasp came from the doorway.
“Cafe’s full,” Penny said half-heartedly from her seat. She had a book in her hooves about magical weaponry and their properties.
“Hi, I am Pinkie Pie. You’re new. We should have a party.”
“I am busy. Go bother Autumn or Thomas; they had something to tell you.”
“More new ponies, how have I not seen them?!”
“Trust me you have.”
“But I never greeted them. They must think I am the worst pony ever. They might want to leave Ponyville because I haven’t been friendly to them. It is all my fault!”
“You could say that,” Penny said as she indicated that Autumn was sitting with Bonbon. The pink menace zipped over there, leaving an afterimage of herself annoying the Knight.
“Hi, I am-”
“Pinkamena Diane Pie, daughter of Igneous Rock Pie and Cloudy Quartz, sister of Limestone, Marble, and Maud. By the way, how is Maud’s Rocktorate going?”
Pinkie Pie froze. She didn’t know the answer as the mare hadn’t visited her family in a long time. The party pony hadn’t even knew that her sister was getting her Rocktorate.
“Um...Crystal Harp, you know Pinkie Pie? I thought you only had eyes for me,” Bonbon wondered.
“Oh, everypony has heard of Pinkamena. Her parties are world famous. But you, my sweet, are special. I knew your name out of love.”
Bonbon knew it was an act, but she could play along. The whole host things was about roleplaying a fantasy date. It only worked if both parties knew that going into it. The changeling made that clear in the menus and when the ‘date’ started. The important thing is that the lust was harvested to feed them and help revive Bodo from his coma-like state.
“But her sisters? Her middle name? I have known Pinkie for years, but even I don’t know that. Who are you really, Crystal Harp?”
Autumn-Crystal made a melodramatic pose of being shot in the heart. “Oh, you got me. There is no sense in hiding it anymore. You see-” The pseudo-mare leaned forward and looked the earth pony straight in the eyes. “-I have a curse. I know everypony.”
“That doesn’t sound like a curse, but more like a blessing,” Bonbon replied. Excitement in her voice betrayed how much she liked magic, especially the occult kind like curses and ancient relics. The earth pony had picked Crystal Harp from the menu for a reason.
“What may seem like a blessing may also be a curse. In my case, I know everypony, but nopony knows me. They might say they know me, but they don’t know the real me. Can you image going through your whole life being thought to be somepony you are not, to be trapped with an identity that isn’t your own, and to be endangered if anypony found out?”
Penny, Zecora, and Thomas could overhear the conversation due to Autumn tendency to project her voice when she got excited. To Penny it sounded like Autumn was referring to being a changeling shapeshifter. Zecora thought the dryad meant how Pinkie Pie had vilified them. Bonbon thought it was just a meta joke about not really being Crystal Harp. Pinkie didn’t know what it meant exactly but could only relate to how she felt as a foal on a rock farm. Thomas simply knew better than the four equines.
“That sounds terrible!” Bonbon reacted, hamming up her pseudo-sympathy.
“Whahahahaha,” Pinkie cried as she interrupted the play by glomping onto Autumn-Crystal’s barrel.
The dryad sighed and apologized to Bonbon that the hosting would have to be cut short due to unforeseen Pinkie. The mare was given a slip indicating she had priority seating next time she came.
“So Pinkamena, we should probably talk,” Autumn-Crystal told her after Bonbon had politely left. The pink mare needed a little comforting to bring back to reality, but when she did, she bounce back to her chipper self and then into world in which everything was a joke.
“Autumn, I am so glad I could talk to you. I never saw you before. Is it true that you know everypony? I thought I knew everypony, but then I met you and I don’t know you. You are here to take my title of most friendliest pony in all of Ponyville, are you?”
“It is a shame you didn’t become the princess of friendship. Being friendly is more of your thing than Twilight’s,” the dryad mentioned off-hoofedly before getting down to brass tacks. “Pinkamena, you have caused me a lot of trouble, but I need you. You see you have a lot of connections in Ponyville. I need those connections, so I need you. Think of it as your way of apologizing for turning everypony against my friends and me. Deal?”
The accountant extended a hoof to the party pony who took it with both of her forehooves. “Absolutely, positively with a cherry on top!”
The emphatic reply and the aggressive hoof shake left Autumn-Crystal reeling. “Okay, but before I can trust you, I need you to see the real me,” she explained after recovering. Flames went up her form, which Pinkie tried to blow out before Autumn told her to not.
Once Pinke saw the large yellow and red form of the dryad of secrets, she went wide-eyed. Zecora also trotted by and took a seat by Pinkie as well.
“I think you might understand why my associates and I might have some trust issues with you, but it can’t be helped. Are you willing to help us make new friends?”
The words took awhile to process in Pinkie’s mind, but when they did, conffetti exploded everywhere with a parade of party promises.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Lo-Costs Headquarters (aka Golden Oaks Library’s second floor)
The two changelings spent a whole night planning meetings with important ponies. In the early afternoon of the next day after all the ponies in the restaurant had left, they got back at it by mapping possibly conversation paths on a chalkboard.
"Do you think I should go aggressive with Spoiled?" Thomas asked.
"No, if you did that the whole Cheerilee plan collapses. Spoiled has sway over the magistrate and the whole school board," Autumn answered.
"Oh, Filthy is greedy, if we pretend we have more finished ideas than we have, we might get his help."
"I like it, but how?"
"We don't have time to talk about it, they are coming," the philosopher mentioned as they heard the first pony come inside below them. The two quickly his the evidence of their planning with a bed sheet. "By the way, do you really think Filthy will betray us?"
"If he doesn't, we will slowly take his business piece by piece. Otherwise, we hope the Magistrate of Loyalty sides with us in a little ruse."
"Flittershy as a patent holder in our place, right?"
"Fluttershy, but yeah," Autumn corrected. They could now hear the first guest ascending the stairs. "Okay, first one is yours. Go get her, champ."
Cheerilee entered the room to find two humanoid creatures acting all nonchalant in front of a bedsheet-covered chalkboard. Thomas quickly greeted her and gave her a seat with some food.
The man flipped through the file, which Pinkamena had happily given them in exchange for a play date. He wanted to brush up on his plan for the teacher while she ate her favorite dessert. The party pony had highly detailed records of all the ponies in Ponyville, including their likes, dislikes, and birthdates. Any marketing firm would water at the mouth at the chance to peruse Big Data like this.
“I hope the apple tarts are to your liking, Mrs. Cheerilee.”
The violet earth pony nodded, taking a polite nibble on her favorite dessert.
“You are probably wondering why I have requested that you come here.”
“I wasn’t expecting something so...meeting-like,” Cheerilee replied and gave a little laugh. “Pinkie made it sound like this would be a party.”
“The pony knows how to make a party invitation, but technical writing for businesses, she does not. If she wasn’t already gainfully and happily employed, we would train her in the art.
“However, this is trivial,” Thomas continued with a swirl of his gloved hand. “I had a syllabus proposal for you.”
Cheerilee had to admit the six-foot-three man before her had intimidated her until he had politely given her a chair and an apple tart freshly baked at Sugarcube Corner courtesy of Pinkie Pie.
“I am not comfortable having a private business influence student curriculum,” the violet mare stated clearly.
“But is it fair that you have to carry so much of the burden of the teaching?” Thomas asked, changing the subject slightly. “I heard you recently had to reduce the number classes down to one.”
“The school board thinks remedial education is a waste of bits,” Cheerilee replied, being careful to keep her criticism of the board to a minimum. Her thoughts went to Snips and Snails who needed education to bring them up their grade level. She was expected to teach them with rest of the class, which was bad for those two colts, the rest of the students, and her.
“I also understand that same school board voted to lower the teaching budget again. I believe the argument was ‘teachers only work three seasons out of the years, so you shouldn't get paid so much.’”
The words had come from Spoiled Rich and bringing them up triggered the teacher a bit.
“But that isn't true!” Cheerilee countered emphatically. “I work during the summer too. I am required by the Magistry of Honesty to take continuing education and summer is the only time I have to do that. Because of those budget cuts to the school and to my salary, we can't afford to get supplies for our students. I used to just buy them with bits out of my own pockets, but I can't anymore.”
“I know, I know,” Thomas said in a comforting, sympathetic tone. “You might know this, but I am an educator too. I have over forty years of experience in higher education. I know it is not the same, but I have gone through many of the similar things. By the time I left the university, we had gone from a dozen full-time professors to just me and my colleague Doctor Stein.”
“But it is getting so much worse. The Magistry of Honesty just implemented a new policy that both increases standards for my students and then punishes me by lowering my budget more if I can’t meet those standards.”
“If I understand the policy, you are competing with Canterlot with a tenth of their resources, and if you fail this impossible test, the few bits you have for education in Ponyville will be moved to Canterlot,” the man pretended to infer, channeling over a decade of listening to Bodo's lectures about the rich getting richer.
“Exactly!” the teacher exclaimed. She was elated to find anypony, even a strange hairless ape creature, who got how it was for her.
“The policy, as I have gathered from reading, is explicitly designed to punish bad teachers, but we both know you are trying your hardest. I would even say you are a great teacher if what I hear about you is true.”
The two took a moment to breath before continuing.
“The proposal would have to be approved by the Magistry of Honest, Dr. Mackey,” Cheerilee stated before taking a sip of unsweetened tea, which was a rarity in Ponyville.
“That is what we want. We are hoping that, if the proposal succeeds here, that it will be implemented across Equestria.”
“Mmm-hmm.” The teacher didn’t want to give the man false hope but couldn’t refuse him either.
“There was one more thing I would like to add. Lo-Costs, the company I am one-third owner, has prepared a sum of five hundred bits on the condition that the information in this proposal finds a place in your syllabus.”
Cheerilee went bug-eyed as she heard the amount of bits on offer. It wasn’t a fortune, but it was more than enough to get her class of the ground.
“That isn’t all. We are also offering free guest speakers from our company and our associates who would go into your class and help your class get acquainted with our species and their abilities. You might not know this, but us changelings can shapeshift-” Mackey transformed into a famous artist rendering of Chancellor Puddinghead, whose writings were hidden in the new syllabus. “-into any being and anypony, past, present, future.” To nail his point home, he transformed into Celestia. “What class wouldn’t want to see what your princess looks like close up?”
He returned to his normal form. “Plus,” he continued. “We understand you will need even more funds to make your class a resounding success that we need for the widespread adoption in Equestria, so we will be organizing a fundraising event this coming Nightmare Night to generate additional funds.”
“I still don't know if I am comfortable with a business having any influence on the student’s education,” the teacher replied with an ambivalent tone reflective of her inner turmoil. She desperately needed the money.
“I assure you that we at Lo-Costs are not doing this for personal profit. Pinkie gave me a copy of your syllabus, and I noticed that you lacked any lessons on non-ponies, focusing primarily on pony concerns. I felt since you have several non-pony residences including donkeys, mules, and, more recently, changelings and a zebra, it would behoove your students to learn more about them. As you probably remember, my fellow professors and I were treated like monsters even though we did nothing to deserve such a reaction. We would like to change that by introducing information about non-ponies into your lessons aimed at aimed preparing foals for life in Ponyville and abroad.”
“I um….”
“Think about yourself: how you deserve the extra funding for all your hard work. More importantly, think of the students. They deserve the very best education. The school board and Canterlot aren’t helping you, so let us help you help those foals instead.”
Cheerilee stared at her half-finished apple tart. This was too much to take in at once, especially after a busy week teaching the foals.
“Don’t worry,” Thomas soothed in his calm monotone voice. He tentatively put a hand on her hoof before continuing. “You don’t have to make a decision soon. Nightmare Night will be here in a month. You will have plenty of time to think on this before then, and you won’t have to implement anything until after that. We will be there the whole way to help you with anything. The children are both of our futures after all.”
The rest of their meetings was spent talking about soft topics like the weather and food. According to Pinkie’s file on Cheerilee, it had told Mackey that the teacher disliked having things thrust upon her without her input. The philosopher made a concerted effort to put his fellow educator at ease as she was essential in their plan to prepare Equestria for a strong changeling presence. They needed ponies trusting changelings on a mass scale.
When the meeting ended, Doctor Mackey gave the mare the proposal folder to read on her own time and led her out, reminding her she didn’t need to make a decision until later. Professor Wright and he had several more meetings scheduled into the late evening. The philosopher had to admit that the pink pony worked fast, and they needed fast if they were going to meet their literal deadline.
Professor Wright brought in Spoiled and Filthy Rich. Thomas, as the more politically savvy team member, would handle the manipulative Spoiled Rich while Autumn handled her patient husband. Their meetings would be in the same vicinity. Separate these ponies were their own powerhouses, and together the couple were an absolute power in Ponyville. No politics or business happened in Ponyville without their say-so. That was essential for Lo-Costs to find a way to bend these two ponies to their will.
Filthy Rich sat across from Autumn with a curious expression. The dryad offered him a zap-apple jam sandwich and some coffee.
“Mr. Rich, I am glad you could meet with us on such short notice,” she greeted, being careful to call him Rich as he disliked being called Filthy. It said so on his file. “I am Professor Wright and one-third owner of Lo-Costs.”
“I wouldn’t refuse an invitation given to me from Pinkie Pie. That never works out for anypony,” the gentlecolt explained and took a sit of his black coffee. “I can’t say I have heard of you or your company, Professor.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to. We are from very far away. However, even I have heard about Barnyard Bargains. It is amazing how in just a few generations, you were able to grow your company to such a size. We are very much impressed here at Lo-Costs, which is why we have come to you and nopony else with our business proposition.”
Barnyard Bargains was a big-box store that sold a all manner of things and used its power and influence to drive down prices from manufacturers. If one couldn’t give the best quality at the lowest price, Barnyard Bargains would go to another manufacturer. This seemed like basic business logic, but in reality, it meant that local manufacturers had to start competing on a national level.
Filthy Rich hummed to himself seemingly aloof.
“We wanted to offer you some products to sell at your stores that you can’t get anywhere else in Equus,” Professor Wright continued since the stallion had nothing to say. “All we need is your connections to manufacturing firm and a small loan of ten thousand bits, and we can begin production right away.”
The businesspony took a bite out of his sandwich and inspected his hoof.
“The first product we have planned is called the Ballpoint Pen,” the dryad declared as she pulled out a basic schematic of how to make the simple device. The research and development ponies would handle the specifics, but the dryad had experience as a managerial accountant for a manufacturer. She knew everything and how much went into pens and knew how to produce them in a low cost manner hence their company name.
Filthy Rich didn’t even look at the piece of paper. The colt was as patient as his file told her, but Autumn knew his weaknesses.
“This cheaply made invention will revolutionize Equestrian society. Not only are ballpoint pens cheaper to make, they will render quills obsolete through sheer superiority in function. No more messes, no more starting over and over because of an ink splotch, no more redipping into an inkwell. The ink is all self-contained and the pen is almost perfectly consistent.”
The stallion finally looked over the blueprint. The dryad could see the guy’s brain go into hyper speed as his special talent for business saw all the ways he could profit from such a device.
‘Now I got my hook into him, I have to finish the job,’ Autumn thought. She produced a briefcase.
“Inside this are blueprints for countless inventions,” the dryad gave him the briefest of glances of the briefcases contents before shutting it immediately. It did indeed contain some blueprints, but most of it were blanks. “Telecommunication devices that allow ponies from Manehatten talk to ponies all the way in Stalliongrad in mere moments, self-propelled carts made of clouds that allow earth ponies fly through the sky at speeds faster than the fastest zeppelin, and much, much more.”
There wasn’t actually much, much more yet as they hadn’t even figured out how to bring either of those devices into Equestria. They did have notable progress in coming up with things Equestrians could use, but they lacked the engineering, scientific, and magical background to make them into a reality. They hoped the ponies Lo-costs would eventually hire would do all that for them. They were really more idea changelings than anything else.
Filthy Rich took a deep sip of his coffee and managed to keep it all down without spluttering. “The ballpoint pen will be good for now. You don't mind if I onto this blueprint, do you?”
“Filthy, it is time to go,” Spoiled called by the staircase.
“Feel free to take it," Autumn answered cheerfully while hiding a devious smile behind her hand. "We will just need a loan and access to a manufacturer with experience making small metal components. The pens require tiny ball bearings for these pens.”
When the two ponies left, the dryad sighed.
“How did it go for you?” she asked her partner.
“Mrs. Rich was quite dismissive of our proposal despite my leaning on the benefits it would represent to her foal. Apparently she doesn’t like the fact we are squatting in a public library.”
“It is probably a problem we will have to fix soon when we have the necessary capital. Right now we will have to skirt around the law and use government property for private enterprise. At least, Celestia had already made preparations for Twilight Sparkle and installed a kitchen and bedroom.”
“I was wondering about that. I have never seen a library with a fully equipped kitchen along with a collection of dishware.”
“Let’s just say that Celestia plans far, far ahead. It helps that there are prophecies and destiny that she can use as a guide.”
“What about our affect on that?”
“I wouldn’t know about that. You are the philosopher. You solve it.”
Thomas rubbed his chin in thought. “We should probably greet the next guests. You are handling Rarity, correct?”
“Yeah, but I already feel exhausted.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I am not excited about talking to Mayor Mare myself. She declared us a threat to village security when we arrived. Pinkie’s stories rattled her pretty bad.”
Penny brought the two mares in question upstairs and then went back downstairs to practice her martial magic.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library Bedroom
The last of the local business and political ponies left before dinner. Autumn had gone up to check on Bodo who lay in a large padded basket at the foot of Penny’s bed. The dryad assumed the basket Twilight would used for Spike later, seeing he was basically a pet by Equestrian law. It would suffice for the changeling despite his injury. He wasn’t moving and was smaller than average. Changelings didn’t need sleep per se. Instead they just sat still and zone out as if in mediation. When Autumn did it, she could feel the microfractures in her being sealed through the power of love energy in her. They assumed that, because Bodo’s injuries were so severe, he gone into comatose state in order to direct his own love energy; however, Bodo hadn’t healed almost at all and required regular doses of appreciation to prevent him from becoming completely drained.
Autumn leaned over Bodo, put her wooden hands on his shoulders, and started to push love energy into him. Like always, she pulled from her plentiful appreciation reserves. It was never comfortable giving someone else love as a changeling. Giving away the appreciation she had earned felt like she had disappointed those ponies.
Then she noticed something. She had friendship reserves for the first time in a long time. Inspecting them more closely, the dryad could taste Zecora’s distinct signature.
‘We are friends already, aren’t we? Wow, Mackey told me friendship is powerful, but I didn’t expect it to be several times stronger than appreciation.’
Autumn immediately switched from giving Bodo appreciation to friendship. It really hurt like betrayal by someone you trust dearly. She continued until all the reserves she had gained that day were expended.
“YES!” the accountant screamed.
Penny jumped out of her bed, spawning her ethereal scythe The Reckoner while wearing her sleeping masks.
“Epona, stop!” Autumn shouted at the knight as her blade nearly bifurcated the dryad. Penny removed her mask and looked at Autumn like she still wanted to kill her. “Look at Bodo.”
Penny did that and saw Bodo’s destroyed the leg had regained two centimeters of its length back and no longer needed to be wrapped to prevent love energy spewing out. It was progress!
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - The Buzzing Host Cafe
It was the next day. Thomas was spending as much time with Zecora in the kitchen building up their friendship for Bodo’s sake. Autumn stood at the door of the library, getting ready for another lunch period of hosting. She could see some ponies with numbers on their flanks running her way.
“Where’s the fire?” the dryad playfully called out.
“It is the Running of the Leaves,” one of them responded before passing her by. The moment the group did, Autumn could feel a wind blow through hair. Leaves of red and yellow fell over her vision in abundance.
‘It is a lot more beautiful seeing this in person,’ she thought whimsically as she put a hand through her hair — or at least tried to, for her hair was made of the same leaves that she had just seen fall to the ground.
“I am frickin’ bald!”
After apologizing to some ponies for harsh language and making herself a hat with her plant powers, Autumn went back inside to start serving ponies. Things went smoothly without anything to comment upon until the last customer.
“Aren’t you a little young to be asking for a host service?” Autumn asked the lone foal who squirmed at the question.
“Is it true what they say? That yah can become anypony?” the yellow filly with a red bow questioned back.
“Depends. I don’t like turning into real, living ponies without their permission. SO in other words, no to celebrities, but yes to historical figures or ponies made from your imagination, Apple Bloom.”
“Then it shouldn’t be a problem for you to turn into these ponies?”
Apple Bloom hoofed a picture to Autumn who looked at it for one moment.
“Fuck!”
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library Kitchen
“Absolutely not!”
“But-”
“No buts!”
Thomas wasn’t having any of it.
“The dead should stay dead. I already learned that during the war. It was bad enough when it was just Bodo refusing to believe philosophy is dead, but this girl really needs to accept her parents’ deaths.”
Memories of a conversation over a microwave oven flashed through Autumn’s mind as he mentioned Bodo for a reason she couldn’t discern.
“She has never really seen them,” Autumn explained as she begged to the shorter man. “They died before she could even have memories of them. Every child deserves to see their parents at least once.”
“If you feel so strongly about it, why don’t you do it yourself without involving me?”
“Because with your mind powers, you can make a faithful recreation of who they were. I could only copy how they look, but you could get their voices and personalities right by using their memories.”
“I am not using my power!” Thomas barked, scaring the dryad for a moment. The man never displayed very much emotion, so when he did, it was all the more potent.
“Why are you so afraid of using your power?”
“My power is just wrong.”
“You didn’t have any problems fighting those bandits and you even enthralled some of them.”
“That was self-defense and enthralling them was a last resort.”
“I-I think you are just being just...ugh...stubborn. Sure, it must be weird going into someone’s mind, and I can understand why a freethinker like Bodo would find that questionable.
“However,” she continued. “You have that power and you will define whether it is good or evil by how you use it. We will need you to give a hundred percent of yourself if we are going to succeed in our mission, and you could help a lot of ponies by giving them closure with this power.”
Thomas tugged at the gloved fingers of his left hand, keeping his gaze averted from the newly bald dryad. “You don’t understand.”
Autumn put her hands on both of the man’s shoulders. “Just do it. No more of this understanding shit. If we wait for you to understand everything, we will all be dead. Just do it for Bodo. The love from this should be powerful enough to bring him all the way back. We need him, and I know you miss him. You have been cooking almost every spare hour you get even when we don’t have ponies to feed. I get it as even I miss the stupid old geezer. So, please just do it for all of our sake.”
Thomas the picture of the two decease ponies they got from Apple Bloom and made a strained expression.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Sweet Apple Acres
Thomas placed his burning left hand on Granny Smith’s forehead and entered the willing volunteer’s mind. The other family members were there too. After demonstrating his powers a bit, they had calmed down and eagerly requested that he help them with Apple Bloom. Apparently, the foal had run home from school in tears after another filly had bullied her for her lack of living parents. Most of them trusted him far more than he felt comfortable with. The only one who remained reasonably skeptical had been Applejack who didn’t like the idea of pretending to be somepony else.
‘You know all it takes is the desire, and she becomes your thrall in an instant.’ Slither hissed, trying to tempt him. Thomas had named the remnant of Chrysalis’s personality left by her mind control Slither to distinguish her from the Queen.
The professor had a feeling akin to vertigo as he could acutely sense how easy it would be to do whatever he wanted to do with the old pony’s mind. Nopony would have been the wiser either had he enthralled her.
‘Master, we sense you are in distress. Do you need our help?’ called out one of the bandit thralls from all the way in Bitaly where they served their sentences doing community service. While the distance his telepathy could travel astounded the philosopher, it was troublesome to have them ask what he was doing or thinking. Sometimes a person just wants to be left alone to their thoughts.
‘Be at ease, Drafty,’ Thomas soothed his thrall. She was always the first to speak out if he wasn’t feeling well.
It took roughly one hour to construct two fully functioning ponysonas out of the grandmother’s memories. Thomas discovered that he could just file them in his mind like files and pull them out to autopilot for him.
The rest of the evening at Sweet Apple Acres went as Thomas became a spectator in his own body. He would switch between the two parents (Sweet Mac and Pear Butter) upon request, recreating moments from the past. They even made a meal for him, so they could have a family dinner.
“Goodbye,” Apple Bloom said with new confidence. Tears built up in her eyes, but she stood tall with renewed pride in her family.
“Thank yah kindly,” the orange mare added with a polite dip of her stetson. “If you ever want to come by and have some pie, you are always welcome.”
“I think I will, Applejack,” Thomas replied with a nod. He left them to return to the library, resumed his normal form, and stared at his hand. The chitin had grown an almost imperceptible amount through the use of his power. He reapplied his glove as he decided to take Autumn’s advice and not think about it.
The objective of the outing was accomplished. Their love for their parents, which he had artfully fed off only enough to not make them sleepy or too exhausted, flowed through him like a river during a long storm.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library Bedroom
Thomas placed his right hand on Bodo and felt as his new love reserves started flow into his colleague. It hurt to feed Bodo more than giving him friendship by threefold. It felt like having his heart broken.
'Master, we all feel it. Please tell me everything is alright, that everything will be alright, Drafty cried out from Bitaly. While Thomas couldn't cry, he could vicariously feel her tears rolling down her muzzle.
Autumn and Penny watched pink flames rippled through Bodo’s body as he started to float out of his basket into the air. He spund around the air, and then there was a flash of light. When they could see again, Bodo fell to the ground and groaned.
The bug pony looked around the room and saw his colleagues.
“Are you alright?” Thomas wondered.
Bodo just extended a fully restored left hoof. Thomas gripped it, but the German-Turkish philosopher pulled him into a hug. Autumn walked up and joined them.
Thomas hugged him back. “I missed you,” he whispered.
For once, Bodo was respectfully silent. The three changelings kept hugging for several minutes, causing Penny to abandon them to wash up for bed. She wasn’t for touchy feely stuff and was regretting deciding to ‘protect’ some magical lovebugs.
The hug ended. They didn’t stare off into other corners of the room. They stared at each other. They didn’t feel any awkwardness. They only felt camaraderie. For the first time since they arrived in this world, they felt like a real team of friends.
Author's Note
Bonus scene
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Sweet Apple Acres
"Applejack, what does 'fuck' mean?" a little filly asked her sister, and that sister started to reconsidered her new friendship.
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 8: Through Bug Eyes
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Market Square
Doctor Thomas Mackey’s POV
“Monster attack!” somepony shouted — a pony with a pink mane.
All the little ponies ran into their houses or hid in barrels and stuff like that. It was like an old cartoon.
I sighed and then sprinted to where the shout originated, burning appreciation for extra speed. It was better to be safe than sorry.
Upon reaching the scene of the crime, I grimaced. There stood a small, lone, black chitinous, fanged creature with perforated hooves.
“Jiminy Crickets, Bodo,” I swore. The bug equine didn’t even register what I had said. His attention was directed to the empty space right in front of him while his horn glowed. I put my right hand on his shoulder and gave him a slight shove to wake him from his hyper focus. “You are scaring the ponies.”
He snorted in response.
“Okay, we are going back to the library. Get disguised.”
He disguised a unicorn mare I hadn’t seen before. ‘At least, he took Autumn’s advice to not transform into any person that these ponies know. The locals haven’t gotten to experience our base forms yet, so they naturally think it is a monster still. However, why doesn’t he go back to his human form.’
Bodo stood up on two hooves, gave himself (herself?) a quick hug, and then joined me on the way back to the library. There we found Autumn waking up finally. She had taken to sleeping in recently. Although she denied doing it consciously, she had mimicked sleeping. This replaced our far more efficient changeling love meditation. I thought it was a rather bothersome vice interfering with our mission.
“What was all that racket outside?” she asked with a yawn.
“Bodo here-” I pointed to the young gray mare next to me. “-had another incident.”
“This is the third time this week! Okay, you are not going outside without supervision until you get out of this funk. Epona!”
“I am right here. You don’t have to yell.” Penny had just arrived at the bottom of the stairs. I assumed she had heard us talking and come down to see us.
“Would you please watch Bodo, so he doesn’t cause scare anymore incidents ?” the unrepentant dryad requested.
“Fine, but you are buying me a winter scarf from Rarity’s.”
I thought about my colleague’s situation as the other two bickered. Bodo hadn’t woken up the same man. Autumn and I thought it might help to give the guy a vacation. During that time, he did and said very little. The only things I remembered him saying were “meh”, “whatever”, and “you should probably diversify your menu as they will get bored of curry pretty fast.” The last one was helpful though heretical, but the previous two gave a good idea of his general demeanor after his return to the land of the living.
My philosophical rival went up to a decorative mirror hanging on the wall and stared at the mare she had become. She sighed before returning to the man’s human form. Bodo went to the writing desk and picked up a quill. A green aura enveloped his left hand, which I had never seen before. He lifted the quill in a telekinetic grip and then it suddenly shifted to an inch to the right. The magic began to only cover his pointer finger which he would wag back and forth as he continued this bizarre magical exercise.
I watched in silent observation until someone knocked at the library’s door. I opened it to reveal-
“Hey, it’s Pinkie!”
The Shining flashed through my mind as pounced on me through the doorway. Instead of getting knocked down, the mare bounced off me and landed on her tookus.
“Please control yourself,” I told the party pony.
“And you should loosen up!” Autumn called out and Pinkie nodded in agreement.
‘Yeah, loosen up. No need to resist so much,’ Slither added helpfully . I pulled at my knuckles on my left hand, which soothed the artificial intelligence back to sleep.
“So what do you want to do, friend ?” Pinkie inquired after quickly recovering.
I had honestly not given it much thought, being too distracted by Bodo’s depressed and silent demeanor. Pinkie made me pinkie promise to play with her in order to get her files on everypony in Ponyville.
“Let’s go outside, Pinkamena.”
“Why do you two call me that?”
We walked out of the library and towards a field on the east side of Ponyville as I considered the party pony’s question.
“I wouldn’t pretend to speak for Autumn, but I know why I do it. Names are important because they are given to us by our parents. They remember where we come from. Nicknames are nice, but I have a feeling — call it changeling’s intuition — that you miss your family and should reconnect with your roots.”
Ever since I helped Applejack’s family and Autumn had gotten me to do it for a few more families, I had adapted the ability to sense ponies who had suffered loss or missed somepony deeply. It didn’t work on us changelings as I knew we all had people we miss back on Earth but didn’t get a reaction.
Pinkie went quiet for the rest of the short jaunt. Once out of Ponyville, I didn’t have any idea of what to do, so I just crouched down and started tracing shapes in the loose dirt as the first idea.
“Whatcha doing?” she asked me.
“When I was a kid after school, I would take sandstone pebbles that lined the road and draw on the concrete like they were chalk. Drawing in the dirt with my finger is the next best thing.”
“Oooo! That sounds cool. Why have I never done that!”
“As a pony that grew on something called a ‘rock farm’ I am surprised you didn’t. But then again, I am pretty sure I was the only kid who did that at my school.”
Pinkie then pulled a plow from nowhere, scaring me enough to react with magic. Love energy flowed through my hand and into the soil. Worried that I had done something dangerous, I ignored Pinkie who proceeded to part dirt to make a contour drawing of her bust with her pet alligator gummy. Inspecting the damage, I found that my magic flowed through my drawing like electricity in a circuit. It was somehow adapting to the negative space of the little divots, and I could feel the energy as an extension of myself.
“Lordy….”
“You say something Tommy?”
I started drawing more, forming lines connecting various shapes together. Once I had finished, I tried to flex the magic within the pattern. It exploded. Dirt flew everywhere.
“Do you kiss your mommy with that mouth?” Pinkie gasped as I spit out dirt.
‘This could get dangerous, but there is definitely a thrill to this magic,’ I thought as Pinkie bounced around me. The mare watched me expectantly, so I made a decision.
“Pinkie, it is time to do some experimenting.”
“What does the evidence say, Doctor?”
“That you need to do some more furrowing,” I replied as I rubbed the furrow on my brow.
“For science!” she shouted at she did just that.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
CPA Autumn Wright’s Point of View
It was noon by the time I had to leave for Rarity’s. Like always, I had a ton to do. It didn’t help that Thomas was goofing off and Bodo was being all silent and moody. My eye twitched as I realized what I had just thought. ‘Why can’t people just be themselves?’
I sighed in relief as I saw that Bodo was also goofing off even though it was quietly with Epona (aka Dame Honest Penny). The short guy had a bunch of quills he was using in a manner similar to darts. They used a two-by-four as a dartboard and teleported darts towards a crudely-drawn target on it. It was a practice, in essence, of magical accuracy and precision. I didn’t know what had spurred the philosopher into this kind of magic, but I felt like it was probably a good thing for our mission.
“I'm leaving,” I called out to them while picking up a gift bag I had made. I got a mumble from the hyperfocused Bodo and a grunt from the competitive Epona.
It didn’t take long to get to Carousel Boutique where Rarity worked. Lo-Costs needed unicorns for several of our inventions, but Ponyville was an earth pony town. All the adult unicorns in the town had their own profitable businesses due to the lack of competition. Rarity was a prime example of this.
“Welcome to Carousel Boutique where every garment is chic, unique and magnifique,” Rarity greeted before she saw me. “Oh, it is you Autumn. Are you here to talk business?”
“You know me too well, darling,” I replied with a small laugh. “But first, I brought you this.”
I handed her the gift bag.
“You shouldn’t have.”
“What businesswoman would I be if I didn’t think of my vendors ?”
Rarity opened the bag to find three thick sheets of magical leaf cloth — one green, one yellow, and the last red.
“Oh, the things I could do with these!” the mare exclaimed. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. They weren’t easy to make as I had to grow them with my magic.”
“Even if it is my birthday, I can’t possibly take these without repaying you somehow,” the white mare proclaimed. I smiled at how helpful Pinkie’s file on Rarity was proving to be.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“No, I insist. I just must repay you.”
“Well, there is something,” I began. It was cute how her eyes went big and sparkled in anticipation. “It would just be a favor between neighbors . I would like to use some of your clothes-making equipment — with your guidance, of course.”
“Just that? Why I could definitely allow you to do that. So what are you making?”
“A scarf it is for a friend. She protected me once and has been very helpful.”
“Still thinking of giving ponies gifts. There seems to be no end of your generosity, darling.”
We went upstairs. Along the way, I saw pictures of Rarity’s family and her childhood. When we reached Rarity’s work area, she prepped her equipment and tools for me. I took out some yellow leaf fabric I had reserved just for Epona.
“Would you demonstrate how to use your some of these, darling?”
“Of course, darling.”
I watched her closely mark and then cut her own leaf fabric in accordance to one of her pre-made patterns. When she finished, I transformed into Rarity. It took a full minute due to the need to copy the magic of her Cutie Mark as opposed to just having a superficial one.
“Oh my,” the real Rarity reacted as she started inspecting my version of her. “Sorry to tell you this, but you missed a curl in my tail.”
“Can you really copy such a well-groomed tail?”
“One really can’t, dear,” the fashion pony agreed. She bounced a curl in her mane with a hoof while posing. We giggled at the silliness of it.
Mimicking Rarity, I worked on my own scarf for Penny. It wasn’t as good as Rarity’s but it was a lot better than what I would have made without using my power to copy magic and skills. I kept giving appreciation to the mare, and she gave me appreciation back. This allowed me to power the expensive magic I needed to use to both mimic Rarity’s skills and operate her machines.
Redoing a stitch on the frill at the end, a thought hit me. “Rarity, I have a personal question. You don’t mind if I ask it?” She didn’t. “Why do you use an affected accent? You grew up in Ponyville. None of your family has that accent.”
Rarity stopped her stitching and put her leaf cloth scarf aside. “Talking to you feels like I am talking to an old friend sometimes. It is hard to believe we have just met, and yet you know almost everything about me.”
She pulled a picture of an old school photo from the wall. I could see her sitting next to Applejack — each with their own smile.
“When I was just a little filly, I was the only unicorn in my class. I wanted a role model, and the only other unicorns I knew were my parents and the dentist. Canterlot is full of unicorns. I read everything I could find about the ponies that lived there. The way they walked, how they shampooed their manes, and, most importantly, how they dressed. Then I believed in my heart of hearts that I was actually a Canterlot noble whom her real parents had to abandon to save my life from a scheming, villainous noble and that I had gotten adopted by some uncouth unicorns of the valley. I told all my classmates that one day a unicorn knight in shining armor would come from me and prove that I was really a noble. Not everypony liked that.”
“Applejack, I presume.”
She sighed, shaking her head — not in negation, but disbelief. “You changelings are uncanny — no offense.”
“None taken, darling. I wouldn’t say it is a changeling thing, but if that makes you feel better, feel free to believe it.”
She shook her head once more before continuing. “Applejack used to be my best friend as a foal. She hated that I was pretending to be a pony I wasn’t.”
“Applejack probably didn’t like the implication that you thought you were better than everypony else — that an accent makes you more special than them.”
“Precisely!” Rarity exclaimed before becoming thoughtful. “You know Applejack?”
“Yes, we became close friends earlier this week after doing business for Apple Bloom.” It was true, but obviously not the real reason. Out of the three professors, I had been the only one who had watched the show.
“Did she say anything about me?”
“Not a word.”
She eyed me suspiciously before sighing in dissatisfaction. I realized my slippage.
“Would you help me with the stitching here?” I asked in order to distract the mare. “I want to make a triangle just like Epona’s, I mean Penny’s cutie mark.”
“Oh, you inverted the colors.”
She referred to the fact that Penny’s coat was reddish-brown and with a golden triangle cutie mark while my scarf was yellow with a red copy of her cutie mark.
“I was just copying you,” I replied, causing the mare to feel self-conscious about the red scarf she had made with the beginnings of a yellow design on it. I giggled at her reaction, and she decided to join me in it. “Rarity, you are a good friend , you know that.”
I could taste the friendship coming off of her when I said that. This mission was successful, and I could proceed to phase two once we finished our scarves.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
Dame Honest Penny’s POV
“Third win in a row!” I announced with a grin. The changeling didn’t react at all as he picked up another quill and started teleporting it back and forth short distances. “Okay, dude. This is fun and all, but I am hungry. As the guard protecting you, I humbly request that you take me out for food.”
Bodo snorted at me.
‘The nerve!’
I got took some bits from the ‘petty cash fund’ that Autumn had set up mostly to cover my expenses and encouraged Bodo to come with me.
While I had given them the ability to come and go as they pleased, the incident on the train convinced me that they had a closer relationship with the changeling queen than they let on. They might not be guilty of colluding with a threat against all of Equus, but they were sure as Tartarus involved somehow.
As we walked to the daffodil sandwich shop I liked, Bodo started doing cartwheels. Then he stopped me.
“Let me prepare for the future,” he told me but didn’t clarify further. The professor removed his shirt and then stood on his head.
“What are you doing?”
“A human thing.”
I shrugged and let it go. “Okay.”
The man got a few curious glances as he righted himself and started skipping through the streets. Whenever someone asked him what he was doing, Bodo just repeated it was ‘a human thing.’
They shrugged it off as well and let the guy be.
Once we got to the sandwich shop and I had made my order, I had to get answers. It was in my royal guard blood to get to the bottom of things. “So what did you mean by preparing for the future?”
He frowned as if considering whether or not to answer me. After a bit, he did. “What if I could tell you that I had more freedom here than back home?”
“I would say your home must have sucked. Equestria doesn’t really let non-ponies do much. You can’t hold office, can’t get patents, have to pay higher taxes, and a whole host of other drawbacks. You would have been better off in Bitaly if you wanted to be freer. We have a buffalo governor in Roam.”
“All fair points. Those don’t matter to me as much as they do my comrades. What I really mean is that all those things I just did would have been considered extremely bizarre where I came from. People would have thought I was crazy. Out of fear of being label thusly, I would never do things like that. Here where no one knows what a human should be like, I can almost do anything. The closest sensation I had to this was when I originally thought I was dreaming and could actually do anything without worrying about people’s judgement.”
This was healthy. He had just spoken more to me just now than he had in the last three days.
“I see,” I murmured. It took me awhile, but I could relate to the feeling. Bodo from the moment I met him always employed what I called ‘sideways thinking’. He didn’t see things in the common, straightforward way I preferred. I couldn’t really positively describe it in any other way than sideways. “I have something similar. A lot of ponies just assume I am telling the truth because my name is Honest Penny. Don’t tell anypony, but sometimes I just lie to ponies to see if they will believe in the most absurd things like ‘the sky will be green today.’”
Bodo smirked and then a laugh escape his mouth.
‘Progress!’ I cheered from within. The sooner he got back to normal, the sooner I can stop foalsitting his mopy butt.
As I ate, Bodo returned to his magic practice. This time he was just teleporting air around, causing these cracking sounds that were soft enough not to be annoying.
When I finished, he led me throughout town. He was being quiet again, so I decided to start up conversation.
“So you guys never told me what changelings were.”
Again, the musician rubbed his beard and considered my question. “Changelings are purposive beings. They fill the empty spaces in societies, families, and hearts. In many ways, they resemble vases.”
“Vases like pottery?”
“Yes,” he affirmed while pointing to a red flower in a vase nearby for an example. “A vase isn’t just a piece of clay. It is far more defined by the empty space inside of it. When a potter makes a vase, she molds the clay around that empty space to give the vase its shape and purpose. That purpose is to contain things. A changeling is the same, which is why I assume we have so many holes in our base forms. Anyways, we shape our bodies around a purpose (an empty space) we have found and allow people to naturally pour love into us.”
“What do you mean pouring love inside you?”
“It is hard to describe in concrete terms. My comrades don’t share in my vision that allows me to see these empty spaces. It was this same vision that allowed me to see that fancy pony was in love with another pony before the bombing incident those many years ago.”
“Many years ago?” Now I was really confused. That was like two weeks ago, not years.
He waved off my question with his left hand as if it was unimportant, which really annoyed my investigator sensibilities. I also noticed that the red flower and its vase had just disappeared, which made me want to go find the perp.
“The best way I could explain the pouring of love is like the sensation one has when your friends and family cheer you on during a competition,” Bodo continued. “They try to give you their energy, and with that energy you do better than you could have done without it. You ponies are constantly transferring energy between each other through appreciation, friendship, and love, but you don’t notice it because it happens all the time. If you really wanted to notice it, you would have either experience isolation or share in my vision.”
“You are an illusionist, aren’t you? Why don’t you just use your magic so I can see what you can see?” I suggested.
“I hadn’t thought of that…,” he replied with several blinks. “Why hadn’t I thought of that?” He proceeded to chastise himself several times under his breath.
“No need to be hard on yourself. Not everypony can be as smart as the most accomplished Royal Knight,” I stated. ‘It is not gloating if it is true, right?’
Suddenly lines and circles superimposed themselves over my vision. I could see the connections between people and how strong they were.
“Wow, what do the different colors mean? What about the shapes?” I wondered.
“The color is the type of emotional bond two people have. White is hatred, black is friendship, blue is warmth, orange is coldness, red is disappointment, and purple appreciation. There are more colors for other kinds of relationships, but I haven’t figured them all out yet. Also, don’t ask me why the colors are the way they are. The whole coldness and warmth thing throws me off all the time too.”
I looked at the colors between us and found them to be violet. “What does that mean?” I inquired pointing at it.
“I don’t really know, but the closest I could guess is mild awe of each other. That is because I must admit I am awed by your magic prowess. You are definitely much stronger in magic than all three of us changelings combined even without your armor.”
A flash of purple went from me to him when he said this and I felt hungry again for some reason.
“Follow me,” Bodo commanded me. I obliged, but I stood next to him to make a point that I wasn’t taking orders. He led me to two ponies who had a pink line between them. In the middle of it, there was an empty circle. “Those two want a child badly. Usually, ponies, as magical creatures, fill that space between them and create the new lifeform that will appear in the womb of the mother; however, something is preventing that.”
“Well, they are both stallions,” I deadpanned.
Bodo blinked and then laughed as he finally could see that. “Oh, well, that solves that little mystery. Now watch.”
Bodo started casting a spell with his hand as I watched carefully. The little circle between the two started to fill up with a green magic. Once it filled up to the brim, it transformed with a pop.
The two stallions gasped as the picked up a foal from the ground.
“What the buck did you just do?” I whispered as I continued to act aloof to the two guys.
“I simply gave them a child the changeling way. They provided the mold and I filled it with my magical essence. Their instincts will tell them that it is indeed their child and that will sustain the changeling with magic.”
“You have to tell them.”
“Too much risk. If they reject the child at this stage, she could die as she will need actual love to grow.”
“How many times have you done this?”
“I only started doing it when I was brought back. They are just experiments really.”
“You are experimenting with ponies?”
“And giving them what they want! Some ponies need a friend, others a lover, some a child. These little sparks will act in accordance to their mold until they become fully functional flames capable of really loving these ponies back.”
I bit my lip. It felt wrong to trick these ponies into feeding love parasites masquerading as honest good ponies, but I didn’t want to accidently kill these newborn changelings who didn’t ask Bodo to create them.
“But why are you doing this?” I demanded to know.
“So I can be whole again!” he exclaimed. Then Bodo stared off towards the Everfree Forest and disappeared before I could ask him what that meant. It was like I could still see him but my brain told me he wasn’t worth looking at. By the time I casted the counter spell, he was gone. All I really did was remove the delusion magic that was allowing me to see the relationships between ponies. (Delusion magic is a subtype of illusion that causes only a targeted individual or group to see the magical construct as opposed to everyone in standard illusions.)
“Buck!” I swore, causing the two stallions to give me glares while holding the new ‘miracle’ foal.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville Outskirts - Empty Field of Emptiness
Doctor Thomas Mackey’s POV
Pinkie had finally finished making all the lines, circles, and squares I had asked her to. After hours of testing, I had discovered what Hegel meant by ‘error being the friend of truth.’ I would never tell Bodo that as I had spent years slandering the nineteenth century philosopher for being completely incomprehensible. (It helped my case that Hegel admitted he didn’t understand everything he wrote either.)
I discovered that squares could store love and the lines could move love between them. I just needed to figure out what the circles did. I flexed my magic in them and a cone of fire erupted around one of them and then a moment later another erupted at another one.
“What happened?” I wondered aloud. Pinkie and I approached the circles careful not to trigger any unstable shapes from our failed experiments.
Pinkie smelled the soil and then rubbed her hooves in it. “There is changerite in this, Doc,” she commented as she pulled out a carrot from nowhere to chew on.
“What’s that?”
“My sister Maud would know more. She is getting her Rocktorate, but you guys know that already. How do you guys know Maud?”
“Pinkie, focus. What is changerite?”
“Someday I am going to figure out your secrets, Doc,” she replied with a suspicious squint before reverting to her cheerful self again. “Changerite is a magical mineral found in metamorphic rocks like granite. Depending on diet, some dragons also have it in their bellies and that allows them to use their flames to do magic like teleporting objects. You can tell it is changerite because it has a broccoli color — psst, I didn’t tell you this — but don’t eat it. It definitely does not taste like broccoli.”
“What properties does changerite have?”
“I don’t know. I just know it changes stuff. Change color, change shape, change location….” She kept listing hundreds of possible things that she thinks it might be able to change. Pinkie didn’t really know.
“Well, let’s try changing the location of things since it is confirmed that dragons can do that with the mineral.”
We put some big rocks in one of the circles and sure enough, when I flexed the magic, the rocks disappeared in the emerald flame hemisphere before reappearing in the circle I designated with my intent.
“Oh do me, do me!” Pinkie cried in jubilation.
“I am not really comfortable with live test subjects.”
“What about this flower?” She pulled out a vase with a red flower in it from apparently nowhere. I decided not to question it against my philosophical instincts.
“That will work.”
The flower came out of the experiment unscathed. I did it a few more times to make sure it was perfectly safe before testing itself on myself.
“Ah, why not me?”
“Because it would be far more troublesome for you to get hurt than me.”
The pony looked at me with a horrified expression as my minor slip registered in mind.
Anyways, I did my experiment and came out fine. It starts off like you are sinking into the earth, and you just emerge somewhere else from the ground. I don’t know what happens to your body while it gets transported, but it didn’t feel weird — a bit toasty at worst. After a large number of successes, I let Pinkie try. She got bored of teleporting herself after the first time. I was exhausted, so I just sat down while she contemplated ways of using teleportation to prank her friends and how to use it to be many places at the same time.
“So are we done playing?” she asked me eventually.
“I used up almost all my love reserves to perform those experiments.”
“So we are just going to play by what talking?”
“Is that so boring? I personally like a nice chat every once in awhile. Bodo and I would get in these arguments all the time. I frankly miss those days. They were so much simpler than what I have to do now.”
“Arguments? Why would you miss those?”
“While I wouldn’t say all the arguments were happy affairs — we were rivals after all, arguments are an enjoyable things for philosophers. Arguments are a proof of shared interest, and you can only have a real argument between people who have both dedicated a lot of time and research to be experts in a subject. The arguments we mostly see in day-to-day life are generally two people misunderstanding each other or having different facts.”
Pinkie yawned at my very lecture-like way of explaining things. I smiled as she reminded me much of a niece I once had. This resemblance inspired me to be more open with the mare who only wanted to play with me and indulged me in my experiments.
“You know when I was a child I was always acutely aware of how different I was to everyone else. I never felt as strongly about things as others. Children would cry out in pain where I would be silent. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel anything, but rather it didn’t affect me nearly as much. When I was coming of age, my parents kept trying to date ‘nice girls’ from powerful families. I turned them all away without a second glance. It wouldn’t have been fair to date someone I couldn’t reciprocate love or attraction for.
“I actually volunteered for the war to get away from my parents and their politicking. There I saw soldiers I saw as friends die and others fall to depression. When I told them I didn’t feel almost anything, some thought I was just in shock, others brave, and some a monster. I really wondered if the latter was true. When I came… here and got this ability to really go into other people’s minds and compare myself to them, I got my answer.”
“What was that?” Pinkie wondered solemnly, reading the atmosphere. I am not sure whether or not she could understand what it was like to grow up surrounded by family and friends who felt emotions so differently than you. She seemed like my opposite in many ways.
'I don't think you are a monster, master,' Drafty told me through my telepathic connection to her. A thrall's testimony didn't really help my case.
“Pinkie Pie!” somepony shouted. We turned to see a familiar orange mare galloping towards us. “Give me back my plow!”
The pink mare got up and dashed off. I looked between the two. The responsible thing to do was to just face Applejack. I let my face smirk a bit, looked the farm pony straight in the eyes, and shouted: “You will have to catch us first.”
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Carousel Boutique
CPA Autumn Wright’s POV
The Cutie Mark designs took the longest time to make as they had to be hoofstitched mostly.
While we worked, we talked.
“So tell me about your emotional backstory? I gave you mine, so it is only fair, darling.”
I smirked. ‘Trust Rarity to think of our lives as something inside a dramatic tale of love and intrigue.’
“Where to start, where to start?”
“Why not when you were a child?”
“I guess that works. From my earliest memories, I knew who I was despite my parents efforts to turn me away. I remember on a canoe trip, I had pulled a lotus from the water to put in my hair. My father quickly tore it away from me, telling me that the other boys would get bully me. He was always worried about me and my image. The angle of my wrists, the tone of my voice, and my etiquette towards women were always being scrutinized for my sake. ‘To protect me from the bullies,’ as he put it.”
“By other boys…,” Rarity wondered for good reason. They didn’t know, and I didn’t want to explain it to her. She wanted my backstory, not a lesson — a lesson I wasn’t comfortable giving ever .
“When I told my family that I was really Autumn, they didn’t believe me, so I gave up trying to tell them. I hid behind the name Luther so long that it became a shield so I didn’t have to deal with all that judgement and scrutiny. I saw how expensive, time consuming, and social life changing SRS was, and I just didn’t pursue it. Even my few friends who knew my secret, I flinched when they called me Autumn. I felt like a fake, like I had just made it all up because I didn’t commit to being Autumn, to being the person I thought I really was.
“Now I have this power to mimic the character I drew and dreamed of being, I still don’t really know. On one hoof, Bodo would tell me that I am nothing, meaning that I am none of these labels people have made to define me. However, I wanted to know if I really was transgender or just faking it. On the other hoof, Thomas would say that it doesn’t matter as I should just aim for the good — focus on my actions, but I feel like it matters who I am too.”
I sighed and we finished our scarves in silence.
“So that is my emotional backstory you wanted,” I concluded, getting up.
I returned to my dryad form as we left the boutique and walked through town. I didn’t question why she was going with me, carrying the scarf she made too.
We ran into Epona.
“Hey, I got you—”
“Have you seen Bodo? He ran off!”
Before I could even respond to the knight’s question, somepony shouted: “Monster attack!”
I sighed and turned to Rarity. “It is probably Bodo again.”
“Oh, that is your friend I haven’t met before, right?” she asked, and I nodded. “Then it should be fine if I join you.”
Together the three of us ran towards the location of the distress call. On the way, a pink mare smashed into Epona, earning Pinkie an armor-induced headache.
“Where’s the fire, Pinkie?” I joked.
“There’s a fire?” Pinkie gasped.
“There is no fire, but that is worse,” Thomas, who had just arrived, said. He pointed to the school house which had gotten surrounded by hungry-looking cragodiles. We couldn’t see any foals, but we didn’t want to take any chances.
I rushed in first, using my long legs to close the distance first.
A cragodile noticed me and charged. I sunk my talon-like roots into the ground beneath me and let them grow to I could fully secure my purchase. I use my magic in my staff to entangle the cragodile and found myself pinned in a wrestling match with it. I wasn’t strong enough to push it to the ground, and it wasn’t strong enough to push me back due to my roots.
The others came to my defense. Thomas took one by the horn and used his magic to turn it into a steed. By that point, Penny had already cleaved down a few with her scythe; however, I could tell she wasn’t at her best due to all the magic she had done that day.
On the roof, I could see Cheerilee and the CMC hiding from the cragodiles. I had no idea how they had gotten up there or why I hadn’t seen them until now, but I didn’t care.
Rarity and the recently arrived Applejack worked together to get the school ponies to safety. Applejack acted as a distraction while Rarity would levitate them to the ground. After that, it was hard to focus on it.
Suddenly a giant cragodile came out of the Everfree. This one had to be half as big as the school house. It took a swipe of Penny’s scythe before charging her to the ground. The knight’s armor glowed as it prevented its teeth from cutting her in two.
I wasn’t fairing much better as another cragodile wanted to help its friend and take me down.
I closed my eyes and suddenly I could hear dozens of popping sounds like distant thunder. I opened my eyes to find that all around me cragodiles start to spasm and then fall to the ground.
Epona pushed herself out of the dead giant’s mouth. “What happened?” she asked what everyone was thinking.
“They are dead,” I familiar yet nostalgic voice replied. I immediately noticed Bodo in his changeling form in the midst of the carnage. It wasn’t that he had just magically reappeared. It was like he was there all along, but I just started to notice him now.
“But how?” Epona shouted.
“I teleported air.”
“Inside of them…,” I added and shuddered. The idea of killing someone by teleporting things inside of them, especially inside the brain, just disgusted me. Sure, stabbing a person is like teleporting things inside someone but without the magic; however, this seemed cruel and unusual for some reason.
“Thanks for protecting the foals,” Cheerilee said to Bodo before talking to us. “He came to our class and told us something big and hungry was coming. He hid us from the cragodiles until he could get enough magic from us to save us.”
We went wide eye with the news.
“Okay, that is enough fun for today,” the knight declared as she started removing the bodies for the sake of the foals.
“How much do you expect me to owe yall?” Applejack said with a laugh. There were tears on her cheeks from when she had reunited with Apple Bloom.
“Don’t think anything of about it, but if you could do something for me, there is a mare I know who really wants to talk to you.” I pointed to Rarity. “It might be her birthday, but she spent all day making you a gift. I personally think you two would make great friends if you gave each other a chance. Call it changeling intuition.”
Applejack nodded and left to do just that.
I turned to Bodo and became serious.
“Why didn’t you stay with Dame Honest Penny?”
He didn’t respond immediately. “I needed to save the foals. No time.”
There was more to it than that, but I caved.
“Okay, but I want you to talk to us more. The next week is full of work. You are key to our Nightmare Night event. I need you to cooperate for the sake our goal here in Equestria.”
“Meh, whatever," he muttered. I really wanted to hit him. It isn't assault if he deserves it, right? "Mom!” he finished with a fanged grin. I really don't know how this guy who supposed to be so old insists on just being so childish.
"This hurts me more than you," I said as I punched him in the chitin. It really did hurt me more. Chitin is hard.
Thomas was negotiating returning a plow of all things, but he seemed to be all very serious. It is nice that everyone is back to being themselves again... kinda... I think.
Author's Note
Originally, I had this scene planned where Penny gets confused about both Autumn and Rarity looking the same. I will revisit making that scene when I get another pass at this chapter later. It didn't want Autumn taking too long to get battle ready as her drawback is how long her disguises take to change.
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Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 9: Nightmare Moon, Hero of Ponyville
Equestria Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville Outskirts - Fluttershy’s new Animal Sanctuary
A week after the events of Through Bug Eyes
“How could I possibly thank you?” the butter-colored mare wondered. The animal-loving pegasus had been deathly afraid of Bodo when he was in his base form, but she loved humans. She was sure they would make great pets for ponies.
“We at Lo-Costs believe that our sapient animal neighbors deserve the best; however, it was your dream, Fluttershy, that made all of this possible,” Bodo admonished with the overly polite behavior that his colleagues knew was mocking Thomas’s style of negotiating. The ponies were not aware of this, though. “We just got some volunteers to help. You should also thank Rarity as she donated most of the bits.”
“But I really must repay you. This animal sanctuary was my dream,” the mare pled.
“Well, we do have one little tinsy thing for you to do for us.”
“What? I will do anything!”
Bodo smiled and rubbed his hands together mischievously. His little plan tonight was going to go splendidly.
Equestria Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Harmony Building
“Thank you, Magistrate Harshwhinny for accepting our concert proposal.”
“Professor Autumn, if you want to thank anypony, you should thank Magistrate Iron Pockects at the Magistry of Generosity. It was his insistence that we allow for this ‘metal’ concert. So if you don’t have any more business with me, I would be happy if you would please leave. I am very busy with all the other festivity proposals.”
Autumn bow-curtsied out the door and left. With Bodo back in the team, she had time to leave Ponyville to deal with business elsewhere. Dame Honest Penny didn’t like losing sight of her, but as long as the dryad came back into Ponyville within three days, the knight wouldn’t do a marehunt for her.
“Why isn’t it the Miss Little Private Army herself?” a snake-like voice said behind Autumn, causing her to jump and hit her head against the low ceiling of the Harmony building.
“Um, hello, I would introduce myself, but you seem to know me already. I wish I could say the same.”
“Pardon my manners.” The stallion speaking was a white unicorn, which was a common sight in Canterlot which prided itself in having ponies with neutral-colored coats. There was also the fact that Celestia had a white coat, so ponies thought they might be related to the Princess if they also had a white coat. This stallion also had green eyes that seemed to penetrate into Autumn’s very being and squirm inside her. The feeling was knew, but the stallion seemed familiar. “I am called Silver Slate. I am acting Magistrate of Loyalty until the next election.”
“Acting? What happened to the last one?”
“An accident, but you knew that,” Silver Slate clarified. Autumn didn’t know to which he was referring. “Anyways, it is nice to see you again.”
Autumn looked at him confused.
“You know: the train .”
Autumn went wide-eyed but held back an exclamation.
“You see our paths for Equestria presumably run counter to each other, causing unnecessary in-fighting between us. As a response, our glorious leader has made a bet of sorts. Either my plan succeeds tonight, and you will be ousted from Equestria, dead or alive, as our scapegoats, or I lose and put all my focus on Prance.”
Autumn glanced nervously to the ponies walking around them oblivious to the conversation they were having. ‘It is like Bodo’s see-me-not illusion spell.’
“Anyways, you probably came here to talk about your weapons for your little adventurer’s guild idea. How is that going?”
“We have just started recruitment.”
“You better show some results even if you get ousted as the quarterly report along with your tax will be taken tonight,” he explained with a toothy grin.
Autumn remembered about the report but irrationally believed that if she didn’t say anything about it than she wouldn’t have to do anything about it. There wasn’t much used in that because mind control was involved and she knew the compulsion would come eventually.
“So what about our weapons? When can we get them?”
“We will speak of this later. However, it seems to me that you don’t have a place to stay in Canterlot. Come to my place, I insist.”
Silver Slate forcibly took Autumn’s arm in a magic grip. She couldn’t have fled even if she wanted — such was the disparity between the two.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville Outskirts - Eastern Fields
Two weeks later on Nightmare Night
“Do we just assume we have approval from Canterlot to do this?” Thomas wondered.
“Kinda,” Bodo replied. “It is not like they are going to get mad at us for it though. There isn’t much backing the laws of Equestria unless a concerned citizen or their representative makes a claim. It is a side effect of living in a Utopia to have little law enforcement.”
“You have your routine down for the concert? Autumn and you said it was going to be metal.”
“Yeah, we planned this all out during that week you spent with the Mayor Whatshisname.”
“Kraghorn,” Thomas offered. “I will probably be stepping this one out.”
“Metal not your style? Whatever, tightlaced people like you wouldn’t fit in anyways.”
“I hope that doesn’t exclude me.” The two philosophers turned to see a tall unicorn with a pink mane. Bodo didn’t know who this pony was, but Thomas did.
“Welcome, Ambassador Fleur de Lis.”
“Greetings, Doctor Mackey. Who is your cute little friend?”
Bodo snorted at the unintended slight.
“He is Doctor Stein. He was the changeling who got injured during your kidnapping.”
“Then I am indebted to you as well, Doctor Stein.”
“I hardly think getting bombed out of this reality because of a case of rearranged seating as heroic, Fleur,” he retorted casually. Thomas mouthed ‘bombed out of this reality’ to his colleague. Bodo gave Thomas the hand. “We will talk about it later when I am ready.”
“Isn’t it dangerous for you to come here alone given that you are a target of an anti-monarchist conspiracy?” Thomas questioned Fleur.
“I didn’t come alone. Royal Guard Glados from the Magistry of Loyalty is providing extra protection. Magistrate Silver Slate believed that this little secluded town would be perfect for keeping me safe until their investigation is over and I can safely return to Prance.”
Bodo stared at the mare named Glados. She had an orange coat and a black mane. She fit the color scheme for the holiday. The musical philosopher trotted towards the guard as the other two continued their conversation.
“How is Fancypants doing?” Thomas inquired.
“Officially, he is working hard in Canterlot preparing the budget for Winter.”
“And unofficially?”
“We are going on a date. We have these tickets to a charity concert held by some of our friends. We hear it is to benefit a school that was recently terrorized by giant cragodiles.”
“Let us hope your friends don’t disappoint.”
They chuckled.
‘Well, I should probably thank Fancypants for getting the word out about the concert to his friends,’ Thomas noted before proceeding towards small talk. ‘I find it really questionable for the mare to be dating the stallion a month after his wife died.’
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Barnyard Bargains
Bodo dumped candy into his shopping cart.
“So you have the Vision, little one?” Glados questioned. “Not many of us have that ability.”
“These candy bears have nothing on Haribo’s Gummibärchen,” the philosopher replied without even considering her question.
The next aisle they went into was for school supplies. Lo-Costs wanted a picture of themselves handing the supplies to the foals for good PR. Among the supplies was unsurprisingly ballpoint pens. It was unsurprising not because Autumn had actually started production, but rather because she hadn’t.
“Like what you see?” asked a stallion next to them, referring to the pens — not himself. “We just started making them internally a few days ago. Their design was really easy to copy and manufacture internally.”
Bodo and Glados eyed him up. “Who might you be?”
“I am Filthy Rich, but please call me Rich. I am the owner of Barnyard Bargains.”
“‘Curse you for your sudden but inevitable betrayal,’ Autumn told me to say when I found you, but this next part was my idea,” Bodo stated, handing the stallion a piece of paper.
“What is it?” he wondered as he unfolded. “This doesn’t make sense. This is a cease and desist with a patent claim. Non-ponies can’t hold patents in Equestria. Their inventions become public domain.”
“Read who the signatory is.”
“Fluttershy, but that mare is just an animal caretaker. Why would she file for a patent?” The stallion was rubbing his forehead.
“A pony can just wonder.”
“I am sure I can just pay her off.”
“Well, you have by tomorrow to do that. If you don’t, you are to appear before the magistrate for theft of intellectual property. Fluttershy has given Lo-Costs the right to represent her in this matter.”
“The Magistry of Loyalty would never allow this.” That magistry was responsible for compliance audits of sufficiently large businesses and government organizations. Patents claims against Barnyard Bargains would have to be processed by them first.
“I don’t know about that. Glados, you are an agent of Loyalty, what do you think?”
The mare licked her teeth as she stared at the stallion. “I think he should get ready to pay up.”
The stallion paled.
“So how much is all of this?” Bodo asked nonchalantly, indicating the goods in his shopping cart. Rich didn’t respond. “Okay, here take these bits and keep the change. You might need it.” The philosopher found it easy to be mean to greedy businesspeople.
Glados and Bodo walked out of Barnyard Bargains with evil grins on their faces.
“So do you think he will be able to get this Fluttershy pony to sign over the rights before tomorrow?” the guard inquired.
“On Nightmare Night? Not a chance. The pony is afraid of her own shadow. She won’t even open her door for a foal in a bedsheet costume. Also, she trusts me more than most of her fellow ponies.”
“How did you manage to turn her traitor so easily?”
“I didn’t do anything. According to what Autumn told me, ponies bullied her a lot when she was a child. She trusts animals as they can’t use their words to judge or hurt her. That isn’t to say that she doesn’t have friends in high places in pony society. Her best friend is the weather captain after all. There is an interesting story for her too.”
“A story for another day,” Glados said. “Anyways, best of luck. I will put in a good word for you and your team with the boss. You got a good thing going here. It is less violent than what we are used to doing, but I can see it working.”
“Best of luck for what?” Bodo inquired with a worried expression.
Glados laughed in glee and took this opportunity to ignore his question in revenge for earlier.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Market Square
A dark blue alicorn with a starry mane posed before a camera.
“Da Magicks! They’re hier!” the photographer Photo Finish shouted.
A brave foal joined the alicorn for a few pictures. When alicorn didn’t bite the filly’s head off, the crowd calmed down immensely.
“Gobble, gobble, gobble,” the dark blue mare joked towards the little yellow foal, who laughed at the very not intimidating utterance.
“Okay, da Magicks are done. I go!” Photo Finish declared, packing up her stuff and zipping away.
“Apple Bloom, it is time to go trick or treating,” Applejack called out and the foal in the alicorn’s ‘evil’ clutches ran off.
“Having fun, Bodo?” Thomas asked the alicorn.
“Meh, I can think of more enjoyable ways to spend the night.” When a few ponies came nearby, Nightmare Bodo dramatically posed. “I am the night. I am the darkness. I am Nightmare Moon!”
“I am pretty sure you are having a great time.”
“What are we doing this anyways? I really wanted to go around as fat zombie Elvis.”
“It is really Autumn’s idea. We need the ponies comfortable around Nightmare Moon, and the best way to do that is to desensitize them to her antics,” Thomas explained helpfully.
“Oh, the whole Amare ic plan. Yeah, I faintly remember the court scene I put in it. That will be fun. How much longer until we do that?”
“About eight months.”
“Well, that is forever from now. I will play your game but I am cashing in my favor you owe me.”
“Favor?” Thomas wondered.
“You know: the one for taking care of Drake,” Bodo clarified. “You know the one that was holding up the train.”
“Fine, but you have to stay Nightmare Moon for the whole night, including for the concert.”
Nightmare Bodo quickly transformed into an extreme parody of the human female form. She still had the telltale signs of being Nightmare Moon like the ethereal mane, long pointy horn, and purple wings.
“No, golly no,” the stoic philosopher rebuffed while rubbing his temples.
“Hey, I still am identifiably Nightmare Moon.”
“You are not a horse anymore.”
“Nightmare Moon has the ability to change her shape. I can just say I want to walk on two legs. Plus, I am not playing my guitar with hooves - illusionary or not.”
“Your … are ... just.”
“Cat got your tongue you prude? You know I am sexy.”
“Why?” Thomas felt the beginnings of a headache.
“I have spent far too long holding it all in, and I am a man with needs.”
“That is indecorous.”
“Indecorous? This is a metal concert, not a fancy yuppie party."
"This goes beyond any norm by any stretch of the imagination.
"Ugh, this is the problem with us humans,” Nightmare Bodo declared as if he were on a stage and making an aside to an audience. “We all have lust, but we feel so inhibited by each other. Hell really is other people in that because other people can judge us and we feel their judgement.”
“But why so….”
“Huge? I have a hyper fetish. Got a problem with it? Take it up with your lawyer. Wait, that’s me.” The short anthropomorphic alicorn turned to the knight nearby. “Penny, do I look indecent to you?”
“Don’t bring me into this,” she rebuked.
“See the pony from this nudist culture doesn’t see anything wrong with me.”
“There are plenty of things wrong with you,” Thomas commented.
“So then it doesn’t matter what form I take. They would all be wrong to you.”
The two bickered until it was time for the concert without Bodo going back to normal pony form (well, as normal as an alicorn personification of angst and jealously can be).
They had set up a stage in the eastern field where Thomas had experimented with changeling magic. Pinkie and Rarity had taken great efforts to make sure the place was perfect for a concert. Fancypants and the sycophants who followed him around had already arrived. Thomas joined the white stallion while Penny went to Fleur to give added protection on the other side of the field. The two lovers would rejoin each other near the end of the concert.
After all the foals went to bed, Nightmare Bodo began.
“You ready to go to Never-Never Land?!” the pseudo-alicorn called out, amplifying her voice to reach the back of the crowd. She played her first song Enter Sandman by Metalica, using illusion magic to fill the field with psychedelic imagery. Ponies hadn’t ever heard anything so aggressive before in their music. Some ponies, especially the pegasi, love it, but most didn’t know what to think. The snooty ponies with Fancypants complained until they saw the unicorn banging his head to it. Whether he actually liked the music or was just doing that to make those other rich ponies do it, nopony knew.
While the song played, Dame Honest Penny noticed shadows move in Everfree Forest.
“Get behind me, Ambassador,” she whispered to Fleur who did just that.
The shadows came towards the concert fast, so the knight erected a shield. A few came straight towards the knight, but most went for the stage, ignoring the concert-goers.
“You really in Never-Never Land yet?” Nightmare Bodo screamed after concluding the first song, getting her a louder response than the first time she called. Appreciation magic flowed unabated to the changeling on stage allowing for greater feats of illusion magic. The next song was Storytime by Nightwish.
The group of shadows moving towards Penny shortly arrived after the song began.
“Knight, we mean you no harm,” the shadow called out to her. “We are only here for the changelings.”
The powerful unicorn casted a light spell to reveal a cat person armed to the teeth in weapons riding a manticore.
“If you intend to harm those under my protection, I will have no other option than to retaliate,” the reddish-brown knight declared.
“Look at me, Knight,” the cat person commanded forcefully. “My name is Nyantsu. Everyone in my warband have suffered from the changelings. They are evil creatures who kill all in their wake. Your charges are no different. I promise they plan to conquer this nation. Yield and you will be spared. Fight and you will perish.”
Nyantsu left after her ultimatum to chase down her quarry.
“Let them be, Lady Knight,” Glados advised.
“But they are going to kill innocents. I have a duty.”
“You and I both know those changelings are not innocent. Think about this carefully. You know they are all hiding something from you.
Penny couldn’t deny she had her suspicions. They had only increased when Bodo had recovered and started doing extremely questionable things like giving ponies fake children.
Penny dropped the shield and moved towards the stage.
“Stop Lady Knight, Nyantsu has the blessing of the Magistry of Loyalty to perform this assault while they are divided and distracted,” Glados added, shocking Penny and Fleur. “If you interfere, you will be seen as an enemy of Equestria.”
Penny hesitated for only a moment before going anyways.
“You will regret this decision, Royal Knight Honest Penny from Bitaly.”
Another mare chased after Penny. “Wait for me!” Fleur shouted. The shocked Glados had no option but to follow them.
“Why are you going?” the Loyal Guard inquired.
“Because I owe that pony my life, and we prenchmares never forget a debt.”
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Magistrate Silver Slate’s Mansion
It had gotten late and the Magistrate had Autumn hostage. Silver Slate (aka Black Hoof) had brought her to his mansion for a ‘viewing party.’ All the important changelings in Equestria were there. The pseudo-dryad was surrounded by beings that could rip her head off with ease.
A magical projection showed all the guests what was happening in Ponyville. The guerrillas and cat people had just entered the scene with weapons ablaze. Their leaders all rode upon manticores and cragodiles.
“You took our weapons and gave them to this warband,” Autumn whispered.
“But of course. They are all registered to you. Once this band is all put down, Equestria will blame you three for the incident, and we at the Magistry of Loyalty will be proclaimed the heroes for saving everypony. With everypony believing that we have dealt with the last of the changeling threat, we will be in reality bringing our armies in, slowly replacing the entire Equestrian government one magistry at a time. When we have them all, we strike together and the kingdom is ours.”
"This was so much better than that wedding invasion plan you had earlier, Black," one of the Paetors complimented.
“But the only ones hurt will be us and the warband," Autumn criticized. "Why would the ponies think we were evil?”
“That should be obvious by now, little one,” one of the Maters chimed. She seemed nice to Autumn, but looks were always deceiving with changelings. "Think about it. Gladius will take out the Prench Ambassador in the guise of a changeling, the Magistry blames you, and the ponies will believe their own more than they would their own kind. With all the new information about how evil changelings are spreading across the continent and the fact that the warband was equipped by you (as far as the ponies know), it won't be a hard lie to sell."
Autumn felt queasy as the mind control itched in her brain at the possibility of failing the Queen's imperative.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville Outskirts - Eastern Fields
Thomas made his way to the stage.
“What is wrong?” Fancypants inquired.
“We have some unwanted guests.”
“What kind of unwanted guests?”
“The ones that carry swords,” Thomas clarified.
“What swords?!” Pinkie Pie gasped.
“We have some ruffians, you say?” Rarity asked while wielding her horn in anticipation. Nopony could ruin a concert she decorated.
“Let me in!” a cyan pegasus called from above.
“Who are you?” Thomas wondered aloud, not losing a step as he trotted quickly to the stage.
“Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria. You guys are friends of Fluttershy, and anypony friends with her are my friends too.”
A scarf-clad Applejack noticed the procession and silently joined them. Fancypants got her up to pace with what was going on.
“Okay, let’s get up there before anyone gets hurt.”
The next song Dark Chest of Wonders also by Nightwish began as the group of unlikely friends reached the stage.
Nightmare Bodo had noticed the assault and had magicked the stairs to feel slippery to the attackers. They tripped over themselves and a few fell on their swords; however, a few had anti-magic amulets to pierced the illusions.
Fleur, Penny, and Glados took left stage while Thomas, Fancypants, and the townspony volunteers managed the right. The pseudo-alicorn on stage concealed the fighting from the audience by making it cartoony and part of the show.
Penny faced calvary, slicing rider and steed alike with her ethereal scythe. In fact, if they didn’t have anti-magic amulets and this was just a battle between her and the army, she would probably win on her own. A crafty cat man dispelled her magic weapon with an amulet and charged her with his weapon. The knight flinched despite her training, but the feline warrior passed by her. Turning around, she found he had stabbed his comrade instead. ‘Had that warrior used his amulet with that sword against me, he would have passed through my armor’s protections like they were paper.’
Nightmare Bodo spared Penny a moment to give her a quick thumbs up before focusing on drawing more of the crowd’s strength.
On the right side, Thomas tried his best but couldn’t get a grip on any of the steeds. He resisted the urge to enthrall the soldiers. It didn’t help that his thralls in Bitaly kept giving him conflicting advice. I cragodile picked him up in his mouth and tried to chomp down before finding the man was made of steel-like chitin. Applejack lasso’d the rider off the cragodile. Thomas dropped to the ground with a thud as the beast ran back to the forest.
“Thanks,” Thomas breathed.
The apple farmer nodded and galloped after the next attacker.
At this point, Fleur had gotten into full rhythm with her magical fencing style. Each spell was individually weak, but when combined, they were deadly. Ice spell led a fire-kinetic. A lightning spell followed a drenching spell. Every hoofstep and every spell matched the beat of the music.
Glados only acted like she was fighting, letting Nyantsu jump on stage with her manticore. Fleur chased after the cat woman. Penny continued her battle alone. Thomas joined the battle on stage from the left side.
“I will kill you!” the cat woman cried out as she charged Nightmare Bodo, who teleported air inside the manticore to quickly killed it. Anti-magic amulets prevented the musician from helping with the cat though. Nyantsu lept off her fallen mount and made a summersault. Thomas tackled her out of the air after giving himself wings.
“Are you going to enthrall me like you did those bandits?” she shouted at him.
‘She doesn’t deserve that. Nyantsu isn’t a bad person or even wrong about trying to stop us.’ He flinched, and that was enough to let her slip out of his grip.
She shot him with a magical dissonance ball from her slingshot, causing the changeling to revert to base form and vomit the majority of his love reserves.
Fleur stood by Bodo’s side and together they fought Nyantsu. Magic was out of the equation, making fighting incredibly one-sided in the cat person’s favor. The unicorn received several cuts across her muzzle and withers from the feline’s claws while Nightmare Bodo dodged several magical dissonance grenades. Finally, Fleur ripped the anti-magic amulet off Nyantsu’s neck with her actual horn, giving the feline a revenge cut in the process.
Without the amulet, Nightmare Bodo put a powerful delusion spell on Nyantsu making her feel blind and unable to move but otherwise pleasant.
“Useless gnat!” Glados swore as she took the stage. The guard blasted Fleur away from Nyantsu and then took the feline in her hooves. Green fire erupted from the cat. Nyantsu quickly turned to ash. Glados opened her mouth, in which the fire flowed. When she finished, her form burst and the large changeling Gladius appeared. “All it takes is a spark and they go up in flames. Ah, tragic love is the best!”
“You monster!” Fleur barked as blood came from her mouth from an injury received by hitting the back of the stage muzzle first.
Gladius gripped Fleur in a telekinetic grip and pulled her close to her side. Before the changeling could repeat the draining process with the mare, Fancypants jumped to the rescue. The two lovers tumbled off the left side of the stage, and the stallion cracked his horn.
“Kiss!” Nightmare Bodo called out to them. They looked at the alicorn as if she was dumb. “Trust me.”
They obliged him in the Prench fashion. Love magic filled the air, and Nightmare Bodo could take it all due to the willingness of the lovers to share it with the one protecting them. Thomas had in this time crawled off the stage and hid himself to recover. Noticing the two injured ponies, he flexed the magic in the soil around them. Fortunately, the two kissing ponies had fallen right into one of his circles. He wasted no time teleporting them, but he was surprised by something he found in his fireline circuits. ‘Bodo, did you really think of this?’
Gladius went wide-eyed as the unicorns vanished into the ground.
“You can’t pin their deaths on us anymore, Glados,” Nightmare Bodo stated, getting the changeling’s attention. At the same time, one of the guerrilla fighters from the forest mounted on a cragodile had just bashed Penny in the horn with a mace. The unicorn could do nothing against his amulet, and her horn snapped off. The warrior, seeing the giant changeling on stage through the illusions, charged it. Gladius took the mace hit while she had her eye’s on the anthropomorphic alicorn.
Nightmare Bodo hid the fight from the cheering audience as she decided to play a very different kind of song, weaving Fleur and Fancypants’ love for one another into the ultimate illusion spell.
A flute opened up the next song.
Nightmare Bodo then began to sing, and a hooded gray mare nopony knew apparated sang the accompanying verses. It was a duet between a shield and a magic spell that got faster as the song grew in strength.
[AN: Based on For the Dancing and Dreaming as performed by Erutan.]
I'll charge and fight through burning fields With never a thought of dying And bravely hold you by my side If you would be my shield No swinging mace nor arcane bolt Will stop us (in our battle, sorry!) If you will share with me your strength
And love And protect me for always My closest one, my strongest spell Your flashy words have no sway But I've no need for flashy feats When you lead wisely lead my way
But I would tell you tales of old I'd teach you my philosophy (oh, could you?) And I would shield you from all harm If you would fight beside me
I have no use for tales of old I care not for philosophy I only want your shield to hold
I only want you near me
To cast and shoot to closely hold For the fighting and the hopping Through all their arrows And slights I'll charge and fight through burning fields With never a thought of dying And bravely hold you by my side If you would be my shield (Eee I'm still fighting, I'm done!)
When the song ended, the gray mare glowed with arcane power. Gladius finished off the guerilla fighter, ripping off his amulet and draining him to ash.
Applejack, Rainbow, Rarity, and Pinkie had finished off the last of the attackers and joined Nightmare Bodo on stage. The audience had loved all of it, thinking it was just a show. This allowed Thomas and Bodo to share in their appreciation. Gladius might have been able to take some, but she would have to fight to take it from them.
“Don’t get near her. She can kill you instantly,” Nightmare Bodo warned. “Just cheer me on and act friendly or whatever. Clover and I have this covered.”
The hooded gray pony Bodo had created transformed into an anthropomorphic mare with a shield and spell book.
“Time for one last song! It’s the final boss time!” Nightmare Bodo called out to the crowd who cheered. A few of them fainted from the amount of energy the changeling had leveraged in this very real fight to the death. The illusion that this was just an act was necessary to power his spells because panicking ponies were not loving ponies. Beelzeboss by Tenacious D was a perfect song for acting out a fight, which is why the alicorn picked it. Gladius got to play the role of the devil.
Gladius started with the upper hoof, but she was burning love fast with no form of replenishment. A full drain was extremely inefficient and couldn’t face a true illusion. Clover had so much love magic running through her that reality had accepted her as real. However, she was still an illusion at heart. Gladius attempted to eat the magic construct like she had with Penny’s sword on the train, but Clover’s body seemed to refract just out of her her fangs’ reach.
Nightmare Bodo blew up holes into Gladius’s body, and when praetorian guard had slowed down enough, the Clover construct bound the changeling in Gladius’s own shadow.
The song ended and the crowd cheered; however, a yellow scarf fluttered in the wind. Bodo dropped the disguise once he got off stage and ran to Dame Honest Penny.
The friends who had supported him against Gladius joined him at his side.
“She’s alive, but we got to get her to the hospital. Be careful, she might have a neck injury.”
“On it!” Rainbow Dash said as she rushed to get a stretcher. It took her no time at all. The rest of the injured, including those who had attacked were promptly taken care of by volunteers in the crowd.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Magistrate Silver Slate’s Mansion
“Why did Fleur rush into battle?! She is supposed to be hiding from danger!” the fake magistrate yelled. He then fell into a grumbling about all his plans being ruined.
The air in the room crackled with green electrical energy as the Paetor flexed his magic for a moment.
“Do you wish to go against Her Majesty’s wishes, Black?” the Mater, who Autumn thought was nice, rebuked. All the other top changelings in the room stared the lone Paetor down.
The air lost its electrical edge but was only more intense despite it. Silver Slate (aka Black Hoof) backed down begrudgingly.
“Hard to believe this new variant of drones our Queen found could defeat one of us?” one of the other Paetors commented.
“I believe she called them ‘human.’ We were sure if these three were one of them, but Queen Chrysalis said that if they were, they would easily defeat one paetor in a fair battle.”
"They effectively got the ponies to ally with them. That Royal Guard was a great find. She killed most of your private army."
"Regardless of who won, it is a win for the changelings. Those cats and guerrillas were a thorn in our side."
Silver Slate smirked at that. "It was all to easy to convince them that they could get revenge against the 'evil' changelings by assaulting Ponyville. Now those who survived will go to jail for being accomplices in a changeling plot to kill the Prench Ambassador." He turned to Autumn. "I guess I should congratulate you on winning this bet. You deserve it. It is not very often that I lose once, and you have technically foiled me twice. The Queen is backing you now in Equestria. However, when you are done conquering this nation, I want to a duel, you three versus me."
Autumn just politely nodded without voicing a reply.
The nice Mater led Autumn out of the room.
The others continued to discuss the battle. None of them were at all interested in Bodo’s teleportation trick as they could just kill most beings by draining them granted they had more magic than them. Paetor- and Mater-class changelings definitely had more magic than most creatures, the exceptions being dragons, high level ponies, and alicorns. Instead they were far more interested in the 'mirage' spell the 'drone' had performed as apparently it was a fully functional artificial being.
“My name is Amber,” the Mater told the dryad out in the hallway. “We were very pleased with you and your hatchmates’ performance so far. It will be included in our reports soon.”
“Um thank you, um Amber.”
“No need to be shy, child. I am not going to bite your head off like Black Hoof’s brood. Some of us realize that you can rule these flesh beings with sweet nothings as well.”
“I—” Autumn tried to talk but the clock struck twelve. It collapsed on the ground as it felt like a ice cream scoop ripped the love right out of her. Her brain flashed through several memories as it constructed a report for the Queen. The love floated out of her body. Autumn could see large pink globes leave the bodies of the more powerful changelings to join her much smaller one. Then those globes all disappeared.
Amber helped the dryad up. “The first tax time is always the hardest for new infiltrators. It is best not to be out in the field when it happens.”
“How can that get better?”
“There are tricks,” Amber replied with a wink but didn’t clarify further.
Equus Bravo - Cowbelgrade - Chrysalis’s Hive - Nursery
The love and information flowed through Chrysalis. The excess love went into the pods full of her creations. It was enough to complete one of the new Mater’s made from one of the drones Chrysalis had identified as a ‘human.’ The reports didn’t surprise the Queen at all. Black Hoof didn’t stand a chance to these intelligences from another universe.
The pod for the new Mater opened and out walked out Roxanna. The changeling transformed into her preferred humanoid form after Chrysalis had fiddled with her memories and desires. In all, her clothes only vaguely resembled those worn in the Central Asia along the Silk Road when highly-detailed fabrics thrived. Roxanna wore sleeveless jacket over a long-sleeved tunic. Her pants balloon out at the ankles. She had pointed shoes and a round hat which complemented her single intricate braid.
Roxanna also had a pair of dragonfly wings, which she used to fly to a very long cloth-wrapped object that a pony would have mistaken for a metal stick. A human would have known better, much better.
“Mater Roxanna, I have a mission for you,” Chrysalis announced. The reformed changeling gave her Queen her full attention. “You are to give your hatchmates their reward for winning the bet.”
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville Outskirts - Fluttershy’s Animal Sanctuary
“Where the buck are we?” Fleur demanded.
“I think I just heard something snore,” Fancypants whispered.
They slowly got out of the hidey hole they found themselves inside after Thomas had teleported them.
“If we just-”
Roar!
Fleur accidently stepped on a bear’s sleeping face.
The two fainted on the spot from sheer exhaustion and frayed nerves.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Royal Palace Dining Room
In the morning following Nightmare Night, the butler Fine Dining served Celestia her usual breakfast: black tea, two lightly buttered pieces of toast, some hay bacon, and an eye sunny-side up (obviously).
“Would you like the morning paper, Your Highness?” Fine inquired.
“That would be delightful.”
The Princess took a sip of her hot tea as she read the paper. Suddenly she spit it all out on Fine’s poor face. The alicorn galloped to the balcony and teleported away.
The butler calmly cleaned his face. “It wasn’t that bad,” he muttered and picked up the paper. The top story was “Nightmare Moon, Hero of Ponyville” with a picture of some dark blue alicorn attributed to have been taken by Photo Finish.
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 10: Doctor Bodo Stein's Clover
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
It was a dark and stormy morning after their concert. The weather crew had to delay rain for the festivities, so that amounted to needing an extra big storm to make up for it.
“Why is she here?” Thomas whispered harshly to his fellow doctor of philosophy. He pointed to a certain Loyal Guard named Glados (aka Gladius). Zecora and the disguised changeling played a game of gin while gossiping about the various creatures they saw in the Everfree Forest. The zebra didn’t know or care that Glados was a changeling.
“She needed a place to stay,” Bodo whispered back. He was careful to hide his mouth from their guests.
“Golly, she eats people.”
“That isn’t the only thing she eats. I blew up her legs and she regenerated them after consuming Clover’s bindings. If the Queen hadn’t declared us a victor of some bet because we got Fleur to safety, she would have continued to fight us. Anyways, I have had to live with worse people, and she promised to behave.”
Thomas tabled questioning the whole ‘I had to live with worse people’ bit. “Fleur and Penny know she is Gladius.”
“They are in the hospital and she can take a new disguise until we drop her off with Black Hoof in Canterlot during our court date next week with the Riches.”
Thomas rubbed the bridge of his nose before responding. “And are you ready for that?”
“Well, I tried my best,” Bodo complained in an exasperated tone. “You guys had me making up for lost time these last few weeks by not only choreographing a full concert but also handling Fluttershy.”
“If you need help, I am available now.”
“Good! I need Pinkie to come to Canterlot with her pet. Gummy is going to be a key piece of evidence.”
Thomas stared at his colleague like he was insane.
“Don’t worry. Autumn vouches for the alligator, and she has near omniscience in this country.”
“Do you need anything else?”
“Yes, I need a skillful unicorn to perform a highly specialized spell that allows people to express their thoughts audibly without use of their mouth. I was going to use Penny, but you know….” The two paused in reverence for their reddish-brown comrade who had sacrificed her horn protecting them even though they both knew they didn’t deserve her protection given their true intentions for this utopia. “Other than that, I should be fine.”
“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?”
“I just need peace and quiet to work on my arguments. There is a lot of legal research to do due the laws here being based on vague principles and precedence. First, we will have to prove that we have the right to sue. Then we have to prove that we have been wrong. However, if we do the former, we will most certainly win the latter.”
Bodo rubbed his bearded chin before continuing. “If you should do anything extra, it should be dealing with the reporters. Spin some story that makes the Riches into a villain and us into both victims and heroes. A picture of sad Fluttershy would do wonders.”
The rockstar professor didn’t have anything left to say. Thomas didn’t leave to do his chores. The storm might have been a small deterrent, but the clean-shaven, straightlaced culinary specialist had more unfinished business with his colleague. He just didn’t know how to approach it.
“What?” Bodo asked with annoyance in his tone. His eyes flashed with an imperative to succeed at his mission.
Thomas pointed at the hooded humanoid creature that could transform into a gray pony. She just sat in a chair unblinking and completely still. It was obvious nothing was going on inside of her.
“Clover?”
“Yes. Jiminy Crickets, who is she? Why did you make her?” Thomas pelted his shorter comrade in questions.
“She is based on a pony I met from another Equus. You remember when Autumn met Arachne the Second when she had saltwater poisoning and almost died. Well, I had the same thing happen to me. I need her back.”
“Why didn’t you tell us and why do you want her back?”
“Because I was not whole without her and I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Losing her was too fresh when I didn’t think I would ever see her again. I am not like you.”
Thomas squinted his eyes. He knew exactly what Bodo meant. While it was okay for the man himself to talk about his own difficulty to feel strong emotions, he didn’t like Bodo using his deepest insecurity against him.
“With your mind powers, I can finally give her an intelligence based on my memories of Clover. Then she will be just as real of a person as any of us, and then I will finally have a reason I can believe in to fight and live in this strange pony land.”
A thunderstrike punctuated this revelation.
“It seems you aren’t willing to give me what I want, so I am going to explain why I need it. Sit down. It is storytime. I am only going to do this once, and if you interrupt, I am going straight to working on my opening statements for our legal battle.”
Thomas and blinked dumbfounded but obliged Bodo when he started creating show with his illusion magic. Zecora and Glados stopped their game to watch.
Equus Delta - The Honeyed Lands - The Grove - Golden Oak’s Laboratory
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
After I took a hit from Black Hoof’s bomb, my consciousness travelled through the dimensions until I found myself caught in a trap set up by a dryad named Golden Oak and her unicorn pupil Starswirl. They had used a magical lantern to capture my essence.
“Master, something appeared in the lantern!” Starswirl shouted.
“Well done, sapling,” Golden Oak complimented. “This is a djinn. They pass through the dimensions, and we can use them to empower our spells and even receive knowledge of the future taken from the universe’s veil.”
“Let’s make it tell us a prophecy!” the foal demanded enthusiastically.
Golden Oak smiled as she used her magical staff to cast a spell upon me. I couldn’t say anything, but I could still see, still feel. Her magic burned through me. They couldn’t hear my screams as they coerced words of prophecy out of my being.
“On the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about nighttime eternal!” my voice came out of my metal prison.
“What does it mean?” Starswirl wondered.
“The words torn from the veil are often very cryptic,” the dryad explained. “But there are ways to decipher them.” She stabbed more of her magic through me and towards the veil. Instead of words, this time an image of a violet star surrounded by five smaller white stars apparated. The dryad gazed deeply into the image and found knowledge neither Starswirl and I could. “A hero is the big star, and the five smaller stars are the hero’s comrades. Together they shall set the person of prophecy free from her prison. Her prison is the moon...no her own darkness. The hero shall set her free from own jealousy.”
“Who is the person of prophecy?”
More magic knives tearing into me revealed an image of Nightmare Moon.
Starswirl went even more wide-eyed. “She has wings and a horn. What is she?”
Golden Oak squinted deeply at the equine of prophecy. “The form is called… an alicorn, an equine of perfect harmony who can live forever granted they don’t fall to injury or sickness. Fascinating.”
The foal mouthed the words ‘live forever.’ “How long will it last?” he asked, referring to me.
“Djinns don’t run out. It will just go on forever unless it is forced to another dimension that it has an anchor in. Don’t worry about that though. For a djinn to fall through the cracks between realities, its anchor must have been severely damaged or destroyed. It is extremely unlikely that a djinn’s anchor will be restored.”
Equus Delta - Unicornica - Platinum Palace - Starswirl’s Laboratory
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
Years passed and the young student became the old master. Through that time, Starswirl used me for countless number of prophecies and spells, seeking the secret to becoming an ageless alicorn. It wasn’t all bad. While prophecies felt like I was getting shot in the foot, let’s just say that being used as a catalyst for spells felt the exact opposite.
“Clover, are you listening?” Starswirl questioned his only pupil with such intensity to scare the poor filly. At the time, Clover didn’t know much about me. Starswirl didn’t like sharing his magical instruments with foals like Golden Oak did.
“Yes, Master Starswirl,” the filly replied with a squeak.
“Good because I am only covering this once,” the unicorn stallion stated and then pointed to his chalkboard, which showed a hierarchy of ponies and where they lived. “In searching for what makes a truly harmonious equine, I came to a realization that it was a too difficult place to start, so I decided to look at a truly harmonious society first. A society is bigger than a person, so it should be easy to inspect how its finer parts work together.”
Starswirl then pointed to the earth ponies living in the valley at the bottom of the picture. “Each equine species follows a different part of their natures. The earth pony have an appetitive soul and follow their guts and base desires. They are farmers, cooks, merchants, and partiers. Their societies are democratic in nature where reason and the many momentary desires of the body are given equal say. It is a truly chaotic and unpredictable society.”
The scholar moved his pointer to the pegasi in the clouds above the valleys. “The pegasi have an honorable soul and follow their hearts. They are soldiers, athletes, caregivers, service providers, and law enforcement. Their societies are meritocratic by nature where the desires of the body are ignored in favor of the will of the heart. While they will readily suffer a thousand blows and even die for others, they let their competitiveness and bleeding hearts overrule reason.”
Next the unicorn reached the unicorns in the mountain city above the clouds. The mountain and the spires of the city looked like unicorn horns. “The unicorns have a reasonable soul and follow their minds. They are scholars, lawgivers, artists, and sorcerers. Their societies are monarchies by nature where the desires of the body and the demands of the heart are curbed in favor of the way of reason. They forgo the pleasures of the body for the higher pleasures of the mind and will not overreact to slander and boasts. Through reason, the unicorns can perceive the ideals we ought live by like strength, healing, beauty, hope, courage, and sorcery.”
Finally Starswirl ended at the alicorn sitting at the top of the highest spire in the mountain city with the sun behind her. “Alicorns are the philosopher princesses of the truly harmonious kingdom. They embody a harmonious soul where reason rules over its honorable and appetite perfectly. They use the myth of the tribes to keep the equines happy with their place in society.”
Clover raised her hoof. “Master, how does one become an alicorn in this truly harmonious society?”
Starswirl smiled, remembering why he picked this clever foal as his pupil. “Good question. The philosopher princesses will pick a truly deserving equine as their pupil .” Starswirl used his magic to make a chalk unicorn from the mountain city joined the alicorn in the sun. “After teaching the equine the ways of magic, the alicorns will send the pupil into the valley where the light of reason is furthest.”
The chalk pupil descended into the earth pony valley. “The pupil will struggle to see in the darkness of ignorance, being so used to standing next to light of reason. The equines of the valley will think the pupil crazy to claim that they are surrounded by a darkness.” A shadowy apparition that vaguely resembled an alicorn surrounded the valley equines.
“Once the pupil comes to truly understand and appreciate magic, which is harmony in essence, will they be able to ascend once again. That is when the pupil becomes an alicorn.” A chalk spire grew in the valley underneath the chalk pupil, revealing a new castle. When the castle stopped growing, a star appeared behind the pupil and it grew wings to complement its horn.
Clover rubbed her hoof against her muzzle as she considered something deeply. “Well, if it takes another alicorn to direct an equine towards ascension, from where does the first alicorn come?”
“That is what I aim to find out,” Starswirl answered with a gleam in his eye.
Equus Delta - The Honeyed Lands - Mount Olympus - The Tallest Peak
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
Starswirl’s research first breakthrough into harmony magic came in the form of nature magic. Returning to the lands of the dryads, the sorcerer climbed the tallest mountain.
The mountain should look familiar. While the dryads referred to it as Mount Olympus, the ponies would one day call it Canterlot Mountain.
“Do you think this is wise?” Clover wondered.
“Nothing is more important than figuring out the mystery of the alicorn. Think about it. An ageless body immune to the chaos of time and nature,” the master unicorn replied.
“Stop this at once, Starswirl!” Golden Oak called as she struggled to find purchase on the hard rocks. Dryads didn’t belong on the top of mountains like this one. She had chased her former pupil up the mountain despite the danger it meant to herself in order to prevent him from casting a spell that would mess with nature.
The sorcerer ignored his teacher and performed the spell. Again, I was present as the catalyst. Six runes appeared in the sky and then suddenly the air stopped moving. A magic nova burst across the sky covering the entirety of the Honeyed Lands.
The thing about taking the chaos out of something is that it has to go somewhere — a lesson the sorcerer seemed to never learn. In this case, Starswirl had created the Windigos.
The malevolent spirits, which fed on hatred, flew through the sky towards the equine kingdoms of the north. The sorcerer had inadvertently both created a utopia for equines and brought about the worst ice age known to Equus.
The ice age had also caused the dryads to develop an incurable disease where they would lose all their leaves, become weak, and then go dormant every winter.
Clover left Starswirl for a long time after this to help protect the unicorns from the chaos her master created.
Equus Delta - Equestria - Fifty leagues west of The Grove - In some random cave
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
After the windigos got settled, Starswirl spent a decade protecting Equestria. He made many allies in his travels — among them, the famous five pillars of harmony. He had another breakthrough in his studies of harmony magic and that lead him to manipulating a seed from Golden Oak’s tree. He brought the five pillars to a cave where his teacher wouldn’t find him and where he believed Equestria’s capital would one day be.
“We just need to put our harmonious natures into this seed,” Starswirl explained to the pillars. They obliged the sorcerer.
I wasn’t a catalyst this time but I got to see everything from my lantern. As they planted the seed, I could see an equal amount of chaos magic pushed aside and accidently infused into a serpent hiding behind a rock nearby.
I couldn’t say anything from my metal prison, so they left the seed none the wiser of what Starswirl had done.
Equus Delta - Equestria - Everdeen Village - Starswirl’s new Laboratory
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
After a few more years of no breakthroughs in the study of harmony magic, Starswirl became painfully aware of his own morality. He summoned his former pupil Clover to aide him in time experiments aimed at extending his life.
“Are you sure about this?” Clover questioned. She remembered what had happened with the Windigos, but Starswirl had earned a heroic reputation working with the pillars protecting the fledgling nation.
“Absolutely,” Starswirl asserted.
“You said that about that destiny spell before it gave all the earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns in Equestria cutie marks.”
“I would consider that one a success even for an incomplete spell. I really don’t know what I am missing. Regardless, once I cast this spell, you will either live two hundred more years-”
His spell activated earlier than he expected. That was the problem with time spells. You didn’t know when they would go off.
Clover disappeared in a flash of light.
“Or you will be sent two hundred years in the future.”
The unicorn sorcerer took the loss of his pupil hard and became cynical afterwards. He never became careful though.
Equus Delta - Equestria - Everdeen Village - some pony’s home
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
Starswirl eventually did find a way to extend his life an extra two hundred years, and he used that extra time to continue his research in alicornhood. One day, the unicorn heard tale of two young equines that had ascended. He teleported to the home of those two and demanded answers.
“How?” he interrogated the two foalish alicorns — one with a coat of alabaster and the other navy blue.
“You’re scaring them,” the earth pony parents rebuffed.
“I need to know. It is a matter of all importance.”
“They don’t know either. They were just playing together like they always do as far as we were aware.”
Starswirl stared at the brand new alicorns to figure out what had happened. The unicorn had in all his years of study failed to realize the most essential fact: harmony is the bond between people. Alicornhood comes from reaching a pinnacle in a kind of bond and then having an epiphany. It could be in romantic love, friendship, or, in this case, the familial love between two sisters. He couldn’t see what I could see. I saw a powerful familial bond between the two sisters who loved each other the way only family can.
“They need to learn magic now,” Starswirl told the parents after finding he was unable to discern their secret towards ascension. “I will teach them.”
Equus Delta - Crystal Empire - Crystal Palace - Sombra’s Study
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
Starswirl forgot about me and left me in his study to spend what I assumed would be an eternity of sober sanity. I was a magical entity, and neither time nor isolation had any affect on my sanity. I often wish I could go insane as then it assumed the unbearable boredom would cease. One day, the equines of Equestria had learned that Starswirl had disappeared, so a few profit-minded pegasi decided to pilfer his laboratory. Among the object stolen was my lantern.
The equines sold me around. Most of my new owners treated me like an antique decoration, but eventually I landed in the hooves of another powerful unicorn sorcerer named Sombra in the Crystal Empire, which is far north of Equestria.
“So you can tell prophecies,” Sombra stated after reading some notes on me left by Starswirl. He performed the same magic Starswirl and Golden Oak had used on me countless times.
“You will betray your kingdom and the one who loves you,” the veil said in my voice.
“No, that can’t be. This must be a lie.”
He used the spell over and over again, but only got the same answer. Sometimes it was a picture of him being corrupted by shadows.
The unicorn became obsessed with undercovering the reason for his betrayal and in doing so he found his origins as an umbrum. Had he left the shadows of the past alone, he would have avoided the shadow of himself he became in the future.
After Sombra took over the Crystal Empire, Equestria responded in force. Clover had only recently returned back to the world after being flung into the future. She was the one who devised sealing the then corrupted sorcerer until they could deal with him in a thousand years after the equine of prophecy had come.
In the battle, Clover found my lantern and took me after remembering as a keepsake of her lost master.
Equus Delta - Equestria - Castle of the Two Equine Sisters - Clover’s Study
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
Clover brought me to her place in Equestria. She used me for prophecies, but all was forgiven the day she gave me the only freedom I had experienced in centuries.
“According to Master’s notes, you are a being from another dimension. Does that mean you think?” Clover asked me. I couldn’t answer her and had long lost the will to even try. “Maybe if I interface with you mind-to-mind, I can hear your voice. Then I will have the wisdom of the veil without needing to pull out cryptic prophecies.”
She channeled her magic through me, and I felt her mind prod at me. Wanting freedom, I pushed my way into her mind.
“Hmmpft” I shouted with her mouth. I leapt with her hooves and promptly fell on her face.
‘Hey, stop that. Give me back my body!’ she commanded me from inside her mind.
“Rawpft!” I countered. My eloquence had taken a hit from all those years not being able to talk. I sent her pictures and feelings to communicate my desires. One was vengeance for all the pain I suffered telling ponies like her prophecies, the other was to do simple things like eating a gyro sandwich, and the last was an agreement.
‘What? How is this even possible? You felt all of that? Wait if you can see all around you and you been in my room for the last decade, does that mean you saw…..”
He mind blazed with countless questions, but I ignored them all as I crawled zombie-like to the kitchen and enjoyed food for the first time in two hundred years.
When I stuffed her silly, I gave her back her body. I got to enjoy the food, and she would suffer the pain for overeating.
“Ugh…,” she groaned.
Once she recovered, I answered all her embarrassing questions. After that, we talked about moving forward. Well, she talked. I just pantomimed mentally what I wanted. I hadn’t been in the talking game in a long time.
“So basically, you don’t want to be used for prophecies ever again, I exclusively use you as a spell catalyst, you get one day a week to do whatever in my body within reason, and I have to make this mind talking spell permanent.”
I mentally nodded.
“What do I get from all of this?” Clover questioned seriously.
I sent her images of all the spells and magic I had seen Starswirl and Golden Oak use but hadn’t shown her.
“I have all of Starswirl’s books. I don’t need you to learn these spells.”
I dug up some images of human knowledge.
“You could lie and take advantage of me.”
I mentally frowned and decided to just offer my friendship as what I can give back.
What surprised me was Clover considered it, and she dumbfounded me when she accepted on terms I become her friend. Apparently, Starswirl wasn’t the only person who needed to take friendship more seriously.
Equus Delta - Equestria - Fillydelphia Outskirts - Some Cave
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
*Thump Thump Thump*
The heavy footsteps of a two-headed ogre reverberated through the cave around us. The ogre had taken to eating equestrians for breakfast, and Clover and I came to stop him.
“Give me a song,” Clover told me, jiggling my lantern to encourage me. I didn’t feel it, so it didn’t bother me. What did matter was Clover often needed music to get her spells into rhythm. Music had a special place in harmony magic and finding the right song could mean victory or defeat for us.
I gave her a mental image of a radio with a dial for her to turn. She surfed the imaginary radio channels for her desired song.
“Immigrant song is cliche and overused. I don’t like Dragonforce.-” That had hit me where it hurt. “-I don’t know what baseball even is and who these Astros are. Come on, get me the good stuff. That...that can work.”
The Rocky Road to Dublin began to play as Clover rounded the corner to get the ogre’s attention with a spell to the faces.
“Get her!” “Where is she?” the ogre yelled at herself. Clover galloped around the giant as she charged her spell. The ogre threw boulders as her and I tapped into my friend’s spare magic to deflect those that would have hit her. It was really a battle of two heads versus two minds.
‘Thanks!’ she mentally complimented me.
‘Just focus on getting that spell finished!’
Clover wasn’t the only one using magic. The two-headed ogre prepared a spell. Given their greater size, they would have access to more latent mana.
“I’m ready.” “I’m not ready.” The two heads stated, shooting off a half-baked arcane bolt. It turned out half-bake was more than what I could handle with the magic I had control over. Clover lost a large portion of her tail to the attack and I didn’t have any more shields left to give.
“Eat you now.” “No, cook first!” The ogre pounced onto Clover, and then found himself floating up to the cave ceiling. The stalactites acted as nails by piercing him and keeping him in place. The spell finished by slowly turning the ogre to limestone. I was no fan of killing, but Clover was in charge and could ruthlessly kill for her country.
Clover sighed. ‘That was too close .’
‘It wouldn’t have been so close if you could cast your spells before you enter combat,’ I retorted. Keeping her alive was a full time job now she decided to play hero.
“It is not like I can just cast a spell and then put it aside for…,” Clover trailed off. The mare was seriously clever, and I knew that look in her eyes. She had an idea.
Equus Delta - Equestria - Castle of the Two Equine Sisters - Royal Court
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
“A dragon threatens Thine realm in the far east. We beseech thee, brave unicorn, to subdue these troublemakers and bring them to justice. Will thee do thine duty and protect the Realm? ” Princess Luna demanded of Clover while fully utilizing the Royal Canterlot Voice.
‘She said duty,’ I joked.
The unicorn sorceress facehoofed.
“Is there a problem, Clover?”
“No, Your Royal Highness. I will leave immediately to deal with this invader.”
Luna dismissed us, and Clover made her way to the chariots.
“What are you, five?” she demanded of me.
‘What? A duty joke?’ I feigned ignorance. ‘If becoming an adult means who have to give up the things you found enjoyable as a child, then I preferred being called childish. It is far wiser to find more things enjoyable rather than fewer. Also, I think once we convince ourselves that something isn’t enjoyable, we permanently lose the ability to find joy in it anymore. That is probably why there are so many miserable adults in the world because they are forbidden from being happy.’
“Enough of your silly philosophy. You embarrassed me in front of the Princess.”
‘If you think that was embarrassing, then you will have to invent words for what I plan this Friday when I take over. ’
“Ugh, I don’t even want think about it,” she groaned. Pointing the pudge she had developed, she continued. “Why did I ever agree to letting you take over my body? You just spend it eating.”
‘You did it for friendship, obviously. I am still part changeling, so I am always hungry. It just translated towards eating food when I take your place. Plus, think of all the ponies you have saved by becoming a little fatter.’
“I can do that fine without getting fat.”
‘But you can’t do it without me. Anyways, it is not like you will become obese with how much the Princesses have you running around the kingdom doing the job that previously took all of the pillars to do. Face it. I am the only one giving your body the necessary nutrients to handle all that hero work.’
“I really think it is highly questionable if not flat out unethical to do anything to a unicorn’s body against their wishes.”
‘Never stopped you guys when you used my whole being as a lens for the veil,’ I countered. Clover flinched at the low blow. Fallacious as my logic was, she couldn’t really respond to that. ‘Also, don’t I deserve a body too? If I had the ability and our situations were switched, I would totally give you your own body, and then you could do whatever you wanted with it. For now, I am exercising my right to have a body through a willing volunteer. There is no going back now our minds have fused to this extent.’
Our argument continued until we reached the location of the dragon attack. We soon found out the dragon brought friends.
I got Dogs of War playing as we engaged ten adolescent dragons and their father. The biggest and the bravest of the children attacked.
‘Remember. Our mission is to subdue, not kill.’
“Wind Snare Three,” Clover commanded, and I turned her spellbook page forty for the spell. Taking the magic already imbued into the page, she casted Wind Snare Three without need for a long casting time. The spell sapped all the wind from the charging dragon’s wings. She plummeted to the ground and landed into a magical net that the spell had also created.
The unicorn sorceress spent the last three years developing a spellbook where she could precharge the spells contained in its pages and then cast them when she needed them granted she found the right page. Fortunate for her, Clover had me to do all that page memorization.
Three more young dragons came at us. “Flipping Shocks and Tethered Fate.” I had to flip rapidly to get both spells in time before they took a bite out of Clover. Flipping Shocks caused the closest dragon to find his limbs suddenly pulled to the skies while his back and head anchored to the ground. If he decided to move against the new equilibrium, electrical shocks would punish him. Tethered Fates caused any hexes casted on one target to apply to a few others at reduced effectiveness. The three became too encumbered to fight despite the reduction to spell potency.
Despite being mostly magic resistant, certain spells could pierce a dragon’s hide like lightning. Wind and gravity manipulation didn’t directly affect the dragons, so they had full effect as well.
Seeing his children fall in combat, the countryside-rampaging daddy dragon swooped in.
“Cork, Big Iron, Chain Teleport, and Dogs of Earth!”
Cork was exactly what it sounded like. The dragon tried to use his firebreath but found a giant cork in his mouth preventing him. Big Iron transmuted boulders around us into metal slugs, which flew at the dragon until he got knocked out of the sky. Chain Teleport kept him swing at us and missing as we moved a few of his big steps away. Dogs of Earth caused the remaining boulders to become earth golems in the shape of dogs to pounce on the dragon. As the golems covered his limbs, the mighty dragon started slowing down until they completely buried him aside from his nose and corked mouth.
The rest of the young dragons quickly surrendered.
‘That was a month of precharging spells well worth it,’ I commented.
“Yeah,” Clover replied and then sighed. “But now I have to spend another month just to recharge them. I might have to sacrifice on variety in order to get multiples of the more effective spells.”
‘And then discover that we no longer have a spell we need?’
“We will just spend more time memorizing and practicing.”
I grumbled, reconsidering our friendship agreement. I didn’t sign up for memorizing spells. I doubt I could cast them if I were a changeling again anyway as they require a unicorn’s touch and I don’t have Autumn’s mimicry ability. At best, I could cast simple spells like object teleportation and telekinesis on top of changeling-specific spells. ‘
Equus Delta - Equestria - Castle of the Two Equine Sisters - Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns
Doctor Bodo Stein’s POV
We spent an entire decade perfecting our magical duo, and we came out fine. Clover complained about unimportant things, but we can’t always get what we want. It might be dismissive. After more than two hundred years of not having a body, the complaints of the embodied seem naive.
“Keep doing that fire spell, Curtly,” Clover instructed a foal in her classroom. We had become part-time instructors at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns when we weren’t needed saving Equestria from the foe of the year for the Princesses.
“But it is basic magic,” Curtly complained. “I want to use complex magic like you.”
“And basic magic will save your life. Anypony can use basic magic, and if they wield them with skill and tact, they can defeat any unicorn charging a complex spell. I learned that the hard way more than a few times.”
Clover moved onto the next foal. “Moss, make sure to keep rhythm. Basic chain casting is a waltz, so you have to step along with it. One, two, three, one, two, three. If it helps, hum while you cast. Do that, and you will find that your enemy won’t only struggle to hit you but also your spells will hit with more impact. Music is a magic in itself. Let the magic be music for you and dance.”
The filly simply nodded as she alternated between three spells over and over again.
My buddy the magic instructor checked on the last foal in the class. “Okay, Zapp, you need to think about what spells you combine and in what order. You are casting lightning, fire, and water. You want the water to come before the lightning, and you should never cast it with fire. Try water, lightning, and then ice for a much stronger effect.”
I watched from my lantern as Clover led her pupils in a magic waltzing style and what she called ‘basic spells’ that would become standards for any unicorn education. Fleur de Lis’s magic fencing style was definitely an offshoot of Clover’s waltzing.
I started to flicker, and Clover immediately forgot about her lesson. “What is going on, Bodo? I felt you disappear for a moment.”
She communicated the sensation of missing a part of herself to me. I had felt it too. ‘I don’t… No, I didn’t think this would happen. It has been more than two hundred years. Someone must be regenerating my anchor to that other Equus.’
I flickered once more. We panicked as the feeling of incompleteness fell over us again. When you tie so much of your mind to another person, there sudden absence feels like a sudden vacuum in your mind. You can’t ignore it, and you know who is the only person who fits inside of it.
‘Let me take you with me,’ I called out. Before I completely disappeared, I received a small piece of Clover’s mind through the veil back to our Equus where its Clover was long dead.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
Third Person POV
“So do you understand why I need you to help me grant this Clover a mind?” Bodo pled to his comrade whose hard work had returned him to this dimension. He finished his illusion show and now he needed Thomas’s cooperation or he would just move onto other pressing matters. For example, he would prepare his legal arguments for Lo-Costs’ lawsuit against Filthy Rich next week and visit Dame Honest Penny, Ambassador Fleur de Lis, and Fancypants at Ponyville General.
“I understand, but I still refuse,” he answered, causing my right eye to twitch in annoyance. “You need to accept that the Clover you met over in this other dimension is gone to you. Making a puppet to replace your friend is unhealthy and creepy.”
“What could you possibly know about sharing your mind with someone else? You can’t go back to living without them anymore. If you had what I had with Clover, you would have never given her up.”
‘You wouldn’t let go of me, Tommy, would you?’ Slither asked with mock innocence. She wasn’t as single note anymore now that her claim over his left hand had grown. The artificial intelligence spawned from Queen Chrysalis’s magic had developed her own unique personality over the last three months. It still desired him to use his power so she could grow her influence, but she had started telling jokes and asking for strange things. For instance, she once demanded that he play hoofball just to see if he could beat the ponies at their own game.
Thomas declined to answer his colleague. Zecora and Gladius kept their words to themselves.
Lightning struck as the door slammed opened. In entered a drenched and frantic Princess Celestia.
“Where is Nightmare Moon?” she questioned anxiously.
Bodo mouthed ‘ we will talk about this again later’ before addressing the Princess. “It is all a misunderstanding, Celty — I mean Your Highness. Come with me and you will learn about what happened last night. Pardon if my explanations are brief though, I am a bit worn of explaining things today.”
The Princess didn’t know what to think. Gladius had the good sense to hide in the shadows less she accidently implicate Lo-Costs with the Magistry of Loyalty.
Bodo commanded his Clover magical construction to come stand next to him. She was still in humanoid form because the philosopher didn’t want the diarch recognizing her as Clover the Clever. By using the puppet’s magic, he dried the Princess off and offered her an umbrella.
“We will talk as we go to the hospital. There are some ponies there who also saw what happened and fought bravely to protect me and my friends. Also, by the way, how is your protege Twilight Sparkle? I ask because we are in desperate need of a smart unicorn for a little experiment when we visit Canterlot soon.”
He briefly considered just letting the Clover puppet cast the spell but then thought it might would probably be better to form a relationship with Twilight Sparkle sooner rather than later.
Princess Celestia, Bodo, and Clover left the other three inside the library.
‘Do you think we'll ever get as close as Clover and Bodo did?’ Drafty, who was one of his bandit thrall doing community service in Bitaly for her crimes, wondered.
The stoic philosopher rubbed his temple as all of his thralls and Slither discussed their relationship with him and how much they all needed each other. How he wished he could be rid of them.
Author's Note
The title is an homage to Doctor Frankenstein's Monster.
This chapter was originally planned to also cover the court case, but Bodo's story took too long.
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Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 11: Pony is an Invention of Recent Date
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - The Streets
Rain poured from above and plopped on their umbrellas arrhythmically as they made way to Ponyville General Hospital to see those injured in the battle on Nightmare Night. The rockstar professor could tell when Celestia had a question she wanted to ask but was unsure how she wanted to word it. He had seen an alternate dimension version of the alicorn as a foal during her time under Starswirl’s tutelage. Differences probably existed between the two dimensions, but Bodo didn’t know what they were beyond what his interference may have caused.
“Where is Nightmare Moon, Mister....,” Celestia began.
“Just call me Bodo. I am not much for titles,” the former djinn offered. “To answer your question, the pony from last night is here, but the pony you are looking for is not.”
Celestia went cross-eyed at his answer. Had she known Bodo like the other Celestia had through his time in Clover’s body, she would have known how to interpreted the purposefully obfuscating philosopher. Bodo found it imperative to determine if Celestia knew him or now.
“Bodo, I would very like a clear and concise answers.”
Celestia was one of the only familiar faces Bodo knew in this world. He had technically seen that face more than he had Thomas and Autumn’s combined, so Bodo suffered from cognitive dissonance keeping in mind this Celestia did not know him.
Bodo sighed as he picked his words next very carefully. Autumn would have delighted at the opportunity to show off to Celestia and prove how much she knew of this world and its inhabitants. Bodo thought differently. He liked holding some cards to himself.
“It was simply a costume of sorts, Celty...Princess Celestia,” Bodo stated factually and bit his lip when he again let the Princess’s nickname slip. If his slippage affected Celestia, she did not show it to him. “My kind can take on any form we desire and I took the form of your...Nightmare Moon since it is her holiday.”
“Who is your friend there?” Celestia inquired while indicating the Clover clone sharing an umbrella with Bodo.
“She is just a magic construct.”
‘She, not it?’ Celestia glanced at the two for a moment, noticing how Bodo held the umbrella for the construct instead of the other way around, before averted her attention inward.
Bodo had expected judging eyes seeing him as some kind of deviant and words telling him he was misguided, but he was met with something very different.
“It is hard losing your other half, the one who completes you,” Celesia spoke in her trademark wise, motherly voice. “There is a legend that ponies used to have all heave two heads and eight limbs . They could do anything they put their minds towards. This made their neighbors jealous, so they casted a mighty spell splitting the ponies in half. The desire to find our other half in the world comes from our desire to be one being again.”
Bodo had been met with sympathy. He had missed it.
“So are you suggesting I am a pony?” he joked.
“Perhaps,” she replied with a smile.
They came upon the hospital and walked to the door of the room for those who all got injured last night. Bodo entered first.
“Bodo!” Pinkie shouted from her bed. The rest except for Dame Honest Penny gave their greetings.
“Hi Pinkie, Hi everyone,” Bodo returned. “How is everything?”
“Could be better,” Rainbow Dash replied. “I broke my right wing, ugh. Now I can’t help with the weather.”
A lightning strike reminded everyone about the storm outside.
“Is Doctor Mackey okay, dear?” Fleur wondered.
“He is just fine. The crowd really revitalized him. The thing about changelings is, as long as there is love and goodwill in the world, we will continue to exist.”
“Thanks for coming to visit, dear. Nopony seemed to know what had happened. It was quite bizarre,” Rarity commented.
Bodo laughed softly before quickly composing himself. “I am glad you are happy to see me, but I didn’t come alone.”
“Oh, did you bring that dear dryad, Autumn. Her leaf cloth was just a delight to use. There is nothing like it in the world.”
Somepony mumbled something about ‘dryads’ and ‘impossible’ behind Bodo, but he paid it no mind.
“Or did you bring that strange hooded pony-human?”
“No to the first, yes to the latter, but not the guest I am referring to. Please welcome-”
“Princess Celestia!”
All the ponies except Penny motioned to get up and kneel, but Celestia told them to not.
“Hehe, I see you all know my new friend. This kindred spirit came to me in the rain. I thought it might cheer you up to see your Princess.”
Rarity mouthed ‘friend.’
Celestia hid a giggle behind a hoof. “Bodo told me all about how you selflessly fought to protect him and all the ponies in this town against two dozen armed warriors and a changeling guard.”
Rainbow Dash visibly inflated with the description of their heroism. The cyan mare made a show of onomonopias and gestures to explain her role in the fight to the Princess. Pinkie naturally just started adding her own random gestures and explanations of what happened, turning the whole thing into an incomprehensible match.
“I am just glad we all came out in one piece,” Fancypants commented after the two mares calmed down.
“Not everypony,” Applejack corrected solemnly.
“Oh, my mane is just a mess, and one of those horrible ruffians cut off half of my tail,” Rarity explained before getting a disapproving glare from the farm pony.
Bodo hadn’t knelt for Celestia, but he did when he reached the last bed in the room.
“Penny,” he said simply. No other words were necessary to communicate his sympathy. Few can understand what Penny was going through. The few who can would be like a painter who lost their hands and their eyes, a storyteller who lost their voice, or a changeling who lost their body.
“The first spell I ever used was one that could change anything to the color blue,” the Royal Knight mentioned with a rueful laugh. “I remember how my parents reacted to find our whole villa had turned blue overnight. I was so enthusiastic about using magic they had to send me to knight school to teach me both how to wield it and discipline. I graduated top of my class and was let into the Royal Knights with honors.”
The room was deathly silent as Penny reached up to the bandages around what used to be her horn. “I got my cutie mark when I first used my lie detection spell to solve who stole my best friend’s favorite bow. I loved the feeling of undercovering the truth.”
Bodo also said something, the mare continued.
“Use to think the only way to do that was with my magic. Then I met you three, and you turned my lie detection spell into a joke. I had originally decided to ‘protect’ you because I wanted revenge my lost honor and identity. I had tied my whole idea of myself in my ability to use that one spell. I wanted you to lead me to some changeling conspiracy to do something ridiculous like conquer the world, so I could lock you up and prove nopony gets around me.
“And lead me to a conspiracy you did in almost no time at all. I had to use everything I had learned from years of Royal Knight work to figure out who killed Pretty Skirt and what their true intentions were. The crazy thing was that my special lie detection spell was the only thing I didn’t need. It was actually learning how useless my magic was that I was able to save to figure out that I needed to save Princess Cadence and Ambassador Fleur.”
She had another rueful laugh. “So what I really want to say is this-” She pointed to her missing horn. “-won’t hold me back. I am not weaker without it. I will figure out what is going on in this crazy world, and when I am done, I will bring the Queen to justice.”
“I really hope you do. You have no idea.” Bodo smiled at the most well-accomplished Royal Knight of the Bitaly. He wished he had half of her strength as he had spent weeks in depression after losing Clover. The philosopher knew that being depressed didn’t make him weak, but it was not something he wanted to be either way.
“Bodo, I would like to talk some of the ponies here about what happened last night. That is if everypony here is okay with doing that,” Celestia said.
“I understand.”
Everypony saw Bodo and Clover walk out of the room.
“Ambassador Fleur, would you fill me in on what you saw happened?” Celestia asked. “If I remember correctly, Fleur was sent to Ponyville by the Magistry of Loyalty with a Loyal Guard to accompany her. Is your guard still with you?”
Fleur frowned and took a moment to compose herself. “The Loyal Guard was a traitor.”
“She had told us the Magistry of Loyalty had given the okay to attack the changelings while they were holding a charity concert for the local school,” Penny interjected. “When we were fighting to protect the changeling, she made sure to let some attackers get on stage.”
“After we defeated the leader of the attackers, Glados — the guard, that is — transformed into a changeling. She was the same changeling we saw on the train coming here, I believe.”
The civilian ponies in the room started rabble rousing at the revelations. Celestia silenced them with a single gesture.
“If what you say is true, the magistry may have been corrupted. This is dire indeed.”
The room became tense as their beloved Princess quietly ruminated on her coming actions.
“Do you know where Glados is right now?” she eventually inquired.
“She was captured by Bodo and this magic pony-human thing I created with Fleur and Fancy’s kiss!” Pinkie half-explained, half-shouted. Rainbow Dash, who sat next to her, had to cover her ears.
Celestia tapped her hoof against the ground nervously. “How would you all evaluate Bodo and his friends? Are they ponies you would trust?”
Most of the ponies all gave their own affirmations.
“Shucks, Thomas is one of the most thoughtful ponies I had ever met, even if he isn’t a pony.”
“Thomas also cooks all these new foods I have never tried before. I really have to get him to cater some birthparties. I know Golden Harvest loves his food. I have Thomas make all the curry she can eat as a gift.”
“Autumn knows everypony. She might be a bit of show off, but you can tell she cares about all of us. I am always hearing about some kind deed she did for a pony and only asks for the things she needs for some project in return.”
“Oh, I know. The dear gave me leaf cloth for my birthday, and even though she asked to use my tools in return, I really felt like she helped me more. After all, she reminded me why it was important to reconnect with my old friend Applejack.”
“Speaking of generosity, Bodo was the one who organized and got Fluttershy’s animal sanctuary built. I used to think the dude was a real downer nopony, but anypony who does something awesome like that for a pony like Fluttershy is one of the coolest ponies in my books.”
Only a few ponies hadn’t said anything. Fleur and Fancypants basically just gave mild affirmations, but all ponies turned to the knight.
“Lady Knight, what of you? You have spent the longest time with these changelings who have come to my kingdom.”
Penny stared out the hospital window. The rain fell heavily upon the panes as if the skies were knocking to be let inside. “They know more than they let on. They already show way more knowledge about Equestria than is reasonable. Whatever it is that they are keeping from all of us, it is big, really big. Whole villages have been burnt to ashes in the Queen’s conquest. We don’t know how to find her, but we knew she was moving fast. These three admitted to meeting the Queen. They will be the key to finding her.”
“You have more experience with the changelings than I do. What do you recommend?”
“I...wish I knew. The Royal Knights only knew about changelings from secondhoof accounts from the hoofful of survivors who had had their whole communities destroyed. We didn’t even understand why the changelings were killing so many so quickly. I know from being with those three that they don’t need to kill to get the food and power they need to survive and power their magic. We simply don’t know enough about Queen Chrysalis and her intentions to know what to do about her.”
“How can I find out who is a changeling in my government?”
Penny turned to face the Princess. “Unless you want to knock out every single one of your ponies with a magical dissonance shock, there is no way. A changeling could be anywhere and anypony at anytime. You could even be a changeling, and we wouldn’t even know the difference. We once try to chase after some changelings. The moment they turned a corner or entered a crowd, it was impossible to find them. We couldn’t afford to quarantine our populace just to find who was a changeling. Plus, a changeling could just transform into someone we already checked to throw us off. In short, if a changeling doesn’t want to be found, you won’t find them.”
“So how do we fight back if they decide to attack us?” Applejack wondered.
“We believe that their Queen is in something called the hive where the majority of her forces live. This conquest began with her, and we hope that, by neutralizing her, we can stop the Burning Crusade.”
“So it’s easy. Find this hive place, take out big bad bug lady, save Equus,” Rainbow Dash summarized.
“If only it was. We have sent several investigation teams and every time the changelings knew immediately, killed most of the team, and sent one back with a message to never try again. The problem is that the moment you know you have a changeling problem, they have you in their grasp.”
“How in the hay do you fight those varmints?” Applejack complained.
“They are weak to magical dissonance because they are mostly made of magic. A direct hit from a sufficiently powerful magical dissonance grenade will probably leave them an empty husk. Also, since all of their attacks are all magical in nature, anti-magical amulets will render them as weak as a young colt. Give a non-magical race like the buffalo one of those amulets, and the changelings will probably get crushed.”
“What about depriving them of love? That is where they get their powers,” Fancypants suggested.
“That is the problem. If you try to stand together against the changelings, you give them a powerful source of friendship and camaraderie to feed upon. If you start doubting everyone around you and succumb to fear, they won’t need magic to take you down.”
“Are there any other good changelings out there who can help?” Pinkie questioned.
“Bodo said they came from a group called the ‘humans,’” Penny stated and gave a frustrated puff of air. “That is means nothing apparently. However, I never heard of these humans, and these three are the only changelings we have ever met who actually cooperated with the Royal Knights at all. I didn’t realize how momentous their forthrightness was until I started receiving reports from the Bitaly about how their investigations into the Queen were going.”
“So we just need to convince Bodo and his friends to lead us straight to the Queen with an army behind us. The Queen can’t possible be a match for the Princess and the whole Royal Guard.”
“I hope you can, but I doubt you will be successful. The three are all obsessed with being in Equestria and doing business, socializing, and politicking. We have only been here for a little more than two months, and they are picking a fight with the local big fish in a small pond Filthy and Spoiled Rich.”
The ponies became despondent as Penny explained the situation to them. The Princess gave her ponies a smile. “Don’t worry my little ponies. I will get to the bottom of this. I am proud of how strong all of you have been. You are all heroes.”
Celestia gave them a bow before leaving the door. She didn’t walk out of the hospital though, but instead had teleported.
The ponies all chatted between each other after she left. Had they been quiet and paying attention, the ponies would have heard two pairs of footsteps and the door open once again.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Harmony Hall - Outside the Loyal Court
It had been a week since Celestia had visited Ponyville, and it was time for the first preliminary trial to determine whether Lo-Costs had grounds to sue the Riches. Bodo mind went back to what he had overheard the ponies talking about when he had supposedly left.
“Oi, Bodo, over here!”
The man woke from his inner thoughts and found several ponies standing around a tall, bald dryad. He straightened his tie and moseyed over to them with the Clover construct at his side.
“Autumn, where have you been?” he asked.
“I had been with Smokey Quartz,” she answered while pointing to a dark grey stallion with emerald eyes. The pony gave an aura of intensity that reminded Bodo of Gladius but magnified threefold. “You know, my friend.”
“Ah, now I remember.” He didn’t know the stallion, but the philosopher knew better than to contradict her. “Smokey, I hope Autumn wasn’t too much of a hassle.”
“She is a good student. I have had a lot to teach her now that she is taking over a little thing for me and my associates before I leave for Prance.”
“That is good to hear. Speaking of good students, it is nice to finally speak to you, Twilight Sparkle,” Bodo greeted the lavender unicorn. “I heard so much about you from Autumn.”
“What are you?” Twilight wondered wide-eyed. She hadn’t really been paying attention as the scholarly pony had become obsessed with the new creature before her. Sure meeting a dryad had surprised her, but she had seen pictures of dryads in old books.
“Anything,” Bodo began his answer while transforming into several creatures and ended in the form of Twilight. “Therefore, nothing.”
Twilight went cross-eyed at the weird answer. but quickly recovered. She got a moment to inspect Twilight-Bodo before the philosopher reverted back to his human form in a lawyer costume. Autumn remembered the form from when he had represented them in Bitaly.
“I am sure Autumn can explain everything to you want to know about our species after you help us with getting some important testimony from Gummy.”
“Let’s go then!”
Bodo could literally see sparkles in Twilight’s eyes as the idea of learning more about changelings and humans.
Shining Armor laughed at his sister’s antics.
“‘That is the Twiley I know and love.’” Both Autumn and the Captain of the Royal Guard said in unison, shocking both of the siblings.
It was Autumn’s turn to chuckled. Surprising ponies never got old for her. “So Shining, did you tell Twilight yet?”
“Tell me what?”
Shining blushed.
“You wouldn’t hide anything from your LSBFF, would you Captain?” Autumn teased.
“No, no…Twilight, I am getting married to Princess Cadence. I didn’t mean to keep it a secret or anything. It has been crazy in Canterlot. A lot of stuff I can’t talk about is going on.”
“I can imagine,” Smokey commented with a smug grin.
“Really!” Princess Celestia’s protege beamed.
The two siblings caught up until they all entered the Loyal Court.
“You know, I keep hearing about these magistries, but I no one ever told me about them and what they do,” Bodo mentioned. He had done a lot of research in Equestrian laws and history, and it hit him once he entered the courtroom that he hadn’t looked deeply into the magistries and the equestrian government. It was a classic case of focusing way too much on a few things and missing the big picture.
“There are five magistries-” Twilight began.
“Wait, not six?” Autumn interrupted.
The Captain squinted his eyes at the dryad.
“Where did you get that idea?” Twilight wondered. “There are only five. Each represent a cardinal virtue of Equestria and deals with sectors of governance so that the Princess can focus on more important things.
“The Magistry of Laughter headed by Harshwhinny handles parks, recreation, and major celebration planning.
“The Magistry of Generosity headed by Iron Pockets handles welfare and public utilities like the Pony Express.
“The Magistry of Kindness, which is headed by Red Iron (Iron Pocket’s sister), handles healthcare and violent crimes. You wouldn’t think those are related, but it is the hospitals that determine the severity of the injuries and their cause for the Kind Court.
“The Magistry of Honesty, which headed by Neigh Silvertongue, handles public service announcements, public records, government-owned newspapers, and public libraries.
“Finally, there is the Magistry of Loyalty. It is headed by Silver Slate after Turner Coat had an accident. They handle government audits and inspect large businesses and organizations for compliance to the laws of Equestria since infringements by such entities would be too difficult for a local court to handle.”
It was a lot of information, but it was also important to know. The changelings took as many mental notes as they could.
The Riches took their seats and then the door behind the judge’s chair opened. Everypony and the changelings stood.
They ponies had all expected Silver Slate to walk in, but instead Celestia had entered. The room filled with murmurs.
“Everypony be seated,” the Princess commanded. “Many of you were expecting the acting magister of loyalty, but I must inform you that Silver Slate could no longer perform his duties. Until we have a replacement, I will be assuming direct control of Loyalty, including this court. Would Lo-Costs approach state their grievance for the court?”
Bodo stood up. “The Riches infringed upon the Lo-Costs’ ballpoint pen patent by producing and selling these pens without our permission.” Bodo handed Celestia a pen for her to inspect. She played around with it, discovering its uses, and then gave it to her student Twilight who delighted in the useful device. “The Riches neither once contacted us for our permission nor sought to provide us payment for use of our invention.”
“What do the owners of Barnyard Bargains say?”
Spoil rose up. “The accusation is preposterous. Lo-Costs has an illegitimate patent signed by a third party. We were simply following the law that renders inventions of foreign nations and foreign nationals public domain in Equestria. There is no treaty with the changelings saying otherwise.”
It was true that Equestria didn’t respect the patents and other intellectual property of other nations unless Equestria had a relationship with their nation. Since citizenship was thought as species-oriented in most Equus nations, non-ponies were treated as foreign nationals Equestria.
“This is true, but I assume you knew that, Doctor Stein.”
Bodo nodded. Equestrian courts were far less formal and structured than earth ones. It was more of a facilitated discussion with a few rules etiquette like respecting the presiding pony.
“We were aware of this law, so we approached the animal caretaker Fluttershy to sponsor our patent. Her position of animal caretaker for Ponyville gives her wide-reaching powers to protect the interests of the animal residents of the town. It was in our interests to have a patent, so she agreed to sign the patent for us.”
“Like I said, preposterous,” the defendant barked. “That is clearly overstepping the bounds of what animal caretakers can do. There is no precedence of an animal caretaker ever doing anything like signing off on patent paperwork before.”
Celestia calmed her with a gesture. “Mrs. Rich has a point, Doctor Stein.”
“Keep in mind that there has never been a case that an animal caretaker has ever asked for a patent before. Animal caretakers do not discriminate between the rarity or strangeness of the interests of animals. The powers granted to caretakers are wide precisely because animals have diverse needs. It would have been more unprecedented had Fluttershy not sponsored our patent once we made it clear that is was in our interest.”
“But you are not animals. You can clearly talk and animals can’t talk!” Spoiled countered.
“Celestia, may I bring some people before the court? I wish to answer Spoiled’s concern.”
“You may.”
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie, who had an alligator in her mane, walked up to the front of the courtroom. The party mare had healed quickly while at the hospital and acted as if nothing had happened a week prior.
“This is Gummy,” Bodo stated while pointing to the alligator. “Would you agree that he is clearly an animal by your understanding?”
Spoiled nodded.
“Twilight Sparkle would you please cast the spell we discussed earlier.”
The unicorn obliged the old philosopher.
There was silence for a moment and then everypony could hear a depressing male voice emanating from the alligator . “Is anypony ever happy? Many run after thrill after thrill, never satisfied. Others struggle, hoping to reach some great goal, but by pushing their happiness further and further into the future, they find that after obtaining their goal, the happiness passes in a moment and their life was only filled with struggle. In reality, nopony is ever truly happy. If one were, it would have intoxicated her .”
The spell wore off, and the courtroom became deafeningly silent. Pinkie was the most impacted by the monologue as it rubbed against an inner sadness she hid from everypony except her alligator.
Bodo coughed. “Thanks Gummy for that riff of classic Schopenhauer. Anyway, Twilight would explain what just happened.”
“I don’t think I can.”
“I mean would you explain the spell you used.”
“Oh, um, I casted a spell created by Clover the Clever to allow somepony to talk with just their mind.”
“Celestia, Twilight is your student. Do you trust that she performed the spell correctly and that the results speak for themselves?”
The Princess giggled and nodded.
“Now I would like the court to imagine all animals having spells allowing them to speak Equusish like ponies. Would they cease to be animals just because they could finally talk? It is not like Gummy is an exception. It is well-known that the animals of Equestria talk all the time — just not in a language most ponies can understand. Those at Fluttershy’s cottage even have a book club where they read classic Equestrian literature . In summation, the assumption that an animal is a non-talking creature is insufficient. We must broaden it and I think we can safely now included changelings like Lo-Costs with animals.”
The courtroom started murmuring again until Celestia was ready to respond to Bodo’s argument.
“I have concluded that Fluttershy has the power to sponsor patents for animals, and that animals can talk and still be seen as animals,” Celestia began.
Bodo wore the most smug grin ever as he put away a bunch of blank pieces of paper back into his briefcase.
“But-” Bodo tripped and the Clover construct caught him. “Fluttershy does not have the right to sponsor changelings. The definition of animals has been lost in the last few centuries, but the original is ‘an animals is any creature who does not belong to formerly recognized nation.’ I have formerly recognized Queen Chrysalis as the ruler of the nation of Changelings. Her nation may not have borders, but long ago, Equestria didn’t have formal borders either. As such, you are foreign nationals of a nation with which Equestria does not have a relationship. Do you have any other arguments for your case or are we done here, Doctor Stein?”
“We do, but we need some time to regroup,” Bodo spluttered.
“How more definitive can you be than that?” Spoiled complained. “This is a waste of time.”
“Very well, Bodo,” Celestia said. “We will hear your other arguments when court resumes after a two hour recess.”
Celestia adjourned the court, but most ponies stayed to talk about what had happened. When Bodo and his friends left the room, they got swamped in media looking for a scoop.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Pony Joe’s
The group finally found time to get away from prying eyes by entering a donut shop that Twilight recommended. The ponies and a baby dragon ordered some food while the changelings found other things to occupy themselves. Bodo got himself a newspaper and flipped through its pages.
“So who is this?” Autumn asked, referring to the being sitting next to the pseudo-lawyer. The two hadn’t met though Autumn had seen the pony-human through the video feed of the Nightmare Night concert the Black Hoof had set up in Silver Slate’s mansion.
“This is Clover,” Bodo stated but said no further. “If you want to know more, I am sure Thomas can fill you in.”
Twilight looked more closely at Clover. “She is a magical construct. I have never seen one this powerful before. Is that illusion magic?”
Bodo nodded. “Any illusion powerful enough become practically real. At this level of power, Clover is the same as you and I except for the fact I haven’t gotten Thomas’s help restoring her mind.”
“Restoring?” Twilight asked, but the philosopher waved off the question as too complicated to explain.
“So she is basically your waifu,” Autumn teased.
“I don’t know what that means, but I don’t think I want to know.”
Autumn giggled before recomposing herself. “So what are your new arguments now the animal one fell apart?”
“I don’t have any.”
“But you said-”
“I lied. We really need to win this case. I just don’t know what I am going to say.”
Autumn became somber as the good mood left her. She was already upset about losing the first part of the trial. “Ugh, you know what really pisses me off. Ponies. I had this image in my head that Equestria was this perfect country that everyone would want to live in, but all this discrimination just...ugh. Why can’t ponies just treat everybody just like anyone else?”
“Little one, it is only natural,” Smokey Quartz (aka Silver Slate (aka Black Hoof)) answered. It was awkward for him to call the towering dryad ‘little,’ but the changelings knew why he did. “Almost all species need a sufficiently wide gene pool in order to maintain proper genetic health. That means joining any community requires having many of your same species for it to a viable place to live in. With so many different species competing for space, every species made communities just for them. Other species were pushed out with discriminatory laws so that there would be more room for their own. Ponies are no different than the griffons, yaks, or dragons.”
“But a person should be treated differently just because of their appearance,” the dryad countered. “It is what is inside that matters, not what covers it. I saw how Spoiled looked at us. She thinks we are beneath her just because we are not ponies.”
“While a changeling might feel that way, we need to take into account the very real differences between ponies,” Smokey explained. “If I say what kind of pony can fly, nopony would deny that pegasi are the ponies that fly. It is just a fact. Likewise, there are very factual differences between species.”
“There is also the historical context of these laws,” Twilight interjected. “Our defense against the windigos is the harmony between ponies. If we let non-ponies settle in Equestria in large numbers, it could easily upset the harmony and bring back the windigos and put our nation into another ice age. As long as we have these laws, we are safe.
“Also, these laws help keep ponies employed. Every job necessary for keeping the harmony corresponds to one cutie mark. If non-ponies come in and take jobs from ponies, then ponies will find themselves unable to get a job in a career that corresponds to destiny. To deny a pony their destiny, the one thing that makes them happy, is a fate worse than failing an exam.”
Twilight had a tendency to lecture when she talked. Shining Armor coughed and looked embarrassed on her behalf. “I, as Captain of the Royal Guard, stand by the non-ponies. I think any and all discriminatory behavior should be rooted out and those who perpetrate it should be made an example of so that nopony should suffer it.”
“What do you think, Bodo?” Autumn wondered. “This is really your forte, but you have been silent.”
He sighed before going into professor mode. “It is interesting listen to you all talk. There are really six popular positions on issues of discrimination, and people who hold them tend to hate those who hold a different position. They are in order normativists, naturalists, historians, egalitarians, behaviorists, and institutionalists. There are the normativists, who assign values to what people are as the basis of their discrimination. We typically think of this group as the racists of the world, and Spoiled Rich would fit this category.”
“So you think Spoiled is this ‘racist’?” Twilight asked, hearing a new word.
“Well, racism connection is complicated by the fact there aren’t anything resembling races here in Equestria per se. What you have here is more speciesism and breedism,” the doctor of philosophy clarified.
“Races among humans usually referred to one’s skin color,” Autumn added. “You ponies don’t have anything like that given how diverse your color palette is.”
“Actually, they do,” Bodo corrected. “If you look at how color is used in pony storytelling and fashion, you start to see biases everywhere. White coats are considered more beautiful among the unicorns because it is the color of Celestia’s coat; as a result, more unicorns have white coats than any other type of pony.”
“That can’t be true,” Autumn protested.
“But it is. Think about all our unicorn friends we have met. Fleur, Fancypants, Rarity, and Shining Armor all have white coats. The only ones that don’t are Penny and, more recently, Twilight Sparkle. If we look at the other types of ponies, I haven’t met one that has a white coat. The pony called Blueblood is the epitome of this obsession with white coats.”
The philosopher closed his newspaper and accidently placed it in some water that had condensed near a glass of juice. This caused the ink to run and muddy the white pages. “If we consider the villains of Equestria, they are almost universally have dark colors. Look at Sombra, Nightmare Moon, the Pony of Shadows (Stygian), and Queen Chrysalis. This has caused ponies to fear darker colors as a sign of evil intent. This isn’t to say that ponies actively value each other with these color-based discrimination, but it is worth noticing.”
Twilight blushed as she became self-conscious of her darker than average coat. She had what the young ponies euphemistically called a nighttime coat. Her brother snorted at the reduction of pony culture to such themes.
“But at least ponies don’t have prejudices between each other, right?” Autumn begged.
“Again, it isn’t that simple,” Bodo responded, disappointing the dryad. “While Twilight was right that there is a ‘harmony’ between the breeds or ‘tribes’ of ponies, that doesn’t mean there isn’t subtle forms of discrimination. Unicorns and alicorns are almost universally seen as the most heroic and most dangerous. Who was the leader of the pillars? A unicorn. Who will be the hero of the elements of harmony? A unicorn. Who did Celestia choose as her student? A unicorn. Who will the hero of the elements choose as her student? A unicorn. Who is the leader of the Royal Guard? A unicorn. What aspect is Celestia most revere for? Her ability to move the celestial bodies, a job that only unicorns and other magic users can do.”
Bodo was lost in thought as he made his list, so he didn’t realize he had given away information about the future. Fortunately, the ponies didn’t know what to make of ‘hero of the elements of harmony’.
“As for the most dangerous villains, they are all feared because of their powerful magical abilities. Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek, and the others. The earth ponies and pegasi have always been treated and will always be treated as side characters unworthy of the spotlight. They cannot wield the same power over our imaginations as a magic user can. As it should because the ability to do almost anything with magic will command more fear than just flying or just super strength.”
“Ha, that is where you are wrong,” Autumn countered. “You forgot all about Daring Do. She is by far one of the most popular heroes in all of Equestria, and she definitely commands the fear of the villains.”
“I don’t know this Daring Do, but one counterfactual is not sufficient to demonstrate that there isn’t a strong trend towards making non-unicorns into side characters in Equestrian history and storytelling.”
“I think we have gotten off track,” Smokey Quartz interjected.
“Quite,” Bodo agreed. “So where was I, yes, so the normativists are what we think of as racists or speciesists. Naturalists like Smokey think discrimination is only justifiable through unquestionable objective facts, particularly biological facts. Historians like Twilight think that discrimination is justified from a historical necessity perspective. Egalitarians like Autumn think discrimination is a subjective problem, and so they think that they can solve discrimination by removing the subjective element. Egalitarians are the ones who say things like ‘I don’t see color’ and are the ones who come up with practices like blind auditions .”
“You don’t sound convinced,” the ‘egalitarian’ dryad mentioned with a scornful tone.
“Turning a blind eye tends to ensure some problems never getting solved, but remember I said that these different perspectives have a tendency to not like each other. Don’t take my criticism with the wrong mindset. Anyways, the last two are the behaviorists and the institutionalists. The behaviorists think discrimination is a behavior problem, and so they try to change how people behave. This group is often attributed with creating politically correct culture. The institutionalists think discrimination starts and spreads from our institutions. They are the ones who talk about things like glass ceilings and the need for role models in positions of power. They would look at the court case we have now and see how Equestria has built the categories of discrimination right into their very institutions and how that has led to our situation.”
The ponies listened with concerned expressions. It was very odd listening to outsiders describe their culture. Twilight and Shining Armor had a lot to say about the subject due to their respective positions.
“So what are you?” Twilight wondered.
“Well, if Shining Armor is a behaviorist, then that must mean I am an institutionalist by elimination,” the professor joked. His ‘class’ wasn’t having any of it though. “To be honest, I just observe. I am Bodo, and I don’t care for taking sides. I will describe and say only what I think regardless of what camp that makes me at the time. I get what drives every group, even the normativists, and I can just say that real life is far more complicated than anyone gives it credit for.”
“Is it too much to be asked to be treated like a pony in Equestria?” Autumn demanded.
Bodo went wide-eyed as a thought hit him. He and Clover got up.
“Where are you going?” Twilight asked.
“I got an argument to prepare, and I will meet you at the courtroom,” he declared before leaving Pony Joe’s with his magical construct.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Canterlot - Harmony Hall - Loyal Court
“So do you have a new argument for me, Doctor Stein?” Celestia asked.
“I do, Celt- Your Highness,” he responded with an embarrassed grin. “Before I begin, I have some questions for you.”
“That is acceptable. Ask away.”
“Is it true that ponies in Prance can file for patents in Equestria?”
“Yes, they can. We have an accord with Prance and they are ponies.”
“How about a pony from Saddle Arabia?”
“We have yet to make an accord with that nation yet, but we do offer any ponies from there the same rights as the ponies born here.”
“What about the seaponies in the Western Ocean?”
“While few have ever settled in Equestria, we do recognize them as our fellow ponies.”
“Thank you, then I am ready to begin my argument,” Bodo stated with a quick shuffling of blank papers he had just taken his illusionary briefcase. “I would like to let the court know that ponies have not always existed. In fact, ponies are an invention of recent date .”
The court erupted in disbelieving bickering. Even Celestia was shocked until it clicked for her, and then she smiled devilishly.
“During the time of the three tribes, unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies didn’t see each other as fellow ponies but rather members of different species in the same way we might say horses and donkeys are different species,” Bodo explained. Had Autumn been there to hear Bodo’s story about his time in Equus Delta, a dimension in the far past but where time moved much faster when compared to Equus Bravo, she would have noticed how none of the ponies ever called each other ‘ponies’ but just ‘equines’ instead. “Even after cutie marks only appeared on the three tribes, the term ‘pony’ hadn’t come into common usage. As far as the equines of old were concerned, pony meant small horse. Since horses like those found in Saddle Arabia didn’t have wings or horns, the term pony only applied to earth ponies. I would like to argue that we changelings be considered your fellow ponies.”
“But ponies have horns, wings, or are like us earth ponies,” Filthy retorted. “They definitely don’t look like some ape.”
Bodo dropped his disguise temporarily. Ever since he got out of his funk, his changeling instincts kicked in again, and he felt naked without a disguise around non-changelings. After giving the court a good look at his changeling body, he went back to his human lawyer one.
“As you see, my base form is equine in shape. I possess wings and a horn as well.”
“But ponies don’t have both wings and a horn. We are pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies.”
“Are you suggesting I am not a pony, Mr. Rich?” the alicorn princess interjected. The businesspony paled and shook his head vigorously in negation of what he had just said.
“But these changelings have no cutie marks,” Spoiled added to save her husband’s face. “All ponies have cutie marks.”
“Seaponies don’t ,” Bodo corrected. “As the Princess has already stated, seaponies are considered fellow ponies. Since the definition of ‘pony’ is malleable, all it takes is somepony to recognize us as ponies, and I think we have that covered.”
Bodo walked up and gave Celestia the newspaper he bought at Pony Joe’s. The headline was ‘Barnyard Bargains sued by Local Heroes’. In the article, the journalist had interviewed several locals.
“I never heard of changelings before, but I can tell they are just like us ponies from what I can tell.” - Bonbon
“It is a real shame that the Riches tried to take from these three. They came to Equestria with almost nothing and have only done good things for us in Ponyville. They deserve our respect.” - Rarity
“Thomas and his friends are always welcome at my table. I consider him part of the family.” - Applejack
There were other statements taken from Riches and Lo-Costs, but they were the standard ‘we are taking this to court, and we plan to win’ fare. There was also a legal expert siding with the Riches, giving a similar argument that they had about the Lo-Costs not having grounds to sue. The cherry on the top was a picture of an upset Fluttershy who had just heard about what had happened to her ‘new friend’ Bodo.
Bodo had to admit that Thomas had really did a good job steering the newspaper to write the kind of article that would favor them in the eyes of the general populace. Sure, the journalist used objective language and gave equal representation to both sides, but there was no contest whose side the local Ponyvillians favored.
“You can’t possibly-” Filthy began.
Celestia stopped him with a gesture. “It seems that I must concede that the changelings are in fact ponies. These three have proven themselves before the eyes of Equestrians multiple times over and are deserving more than many of the right to call themselves ponies. As such, the Loyal Court on behalf of myself respects the right of Lo-Costs to sue Barnyard Bargains for patent infringement.”
The court erupted in chaos.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - The Streets
“You did it!” Autumn cheered. They had just gotten back after spending two weeks finishing settlements with the Riches.
“I know,” Bodo moaned as he rubbed his ear. “You don’t have to keep saying it.”
“But this means we have Barnyard Bargains and can convert it to Lo-Costs. There was no way they are keeping their business now that everypony thinks they steal from heroes. With control over distribution, we can finally start spreading our products across Equestria. Today, it is ballpoint pens. Tomorrow, it will be flying nimbuses.”
“We still need our own employees to make those for us, and I doubt Barnyard Bargains has invested in product development as a big box company.”
The two kept bickering until they reached Golden Oaks library, which had a long line going out the front of it. The two squeezed through the front crowd to enter the building that had been squatting in for the past three months. Inside they saw ponies at dozens of tables all eating food. More significantly, each table had a hosting changeling serving a pony.
The two professors walked to the kitchen to find Zecora, Thomas, and a dopey-looking Mayor Kraghorn.
“‘What is going on?’” Autumn and Bodo asked in frantic confusion.
“You received your gift,” a person who had snuck up behind them said. They turned around to find a human with dragonfly wings and a long object wrapped in cloth. Bodo noted that she had an slight potbelly hidden under her layered clothing while Autumn focused on the new human’s intricately designed outfit. They both realized after a few moments they were dealing with a Mater-class changeling who they needed to take very seriously from the aura she exuded. “My name is Roxanna. I am to tell you that She sends her regards. I am to be in your care and learn from you until my mission begins.”
Author's Note
I know I went overboard with the whole "what is discrimination" monologue, so I will see about slimming it down depending what you guys think.
Also, if you haven't rated the story yet, I would be happy if you did now. You should have read enough chapters to know whether you like the story or not.
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 12: Gifts before the First Snow
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
Thomas gazed out the window and sighed.
‘Just do it already,’ Slither grumbled, making his left hand twitch. The Aristotle-loving man calmed magical mind infection the best he could, but Slither had lost all patience with him.
Thomas reached out his hand and then pulled back.
‘It won’t be the end of the world,’ Drafty commented over his telepathic connection to the buffalos in Bitaly.
He made a compromise and closed his eyes while he reached out with a foot. He pushed a few times and then there was a loud thump.
“Bah!” a tall dryad yelped as she fell off the upstairs bed. She summoned her staff and pointed at her attacker only to find Thomas. “Ugh! What time is it?”
“Noon.”
“Why didn’t you wake me sooner? The builders are here!”
Autumn nearly tripped on herself as she got her clothes all sorted.
‘Was it really that hard to do that?’ Slither complained.
‘She didn’t wake up when I yelled at her,’ he defended.
‘I mean you could have just shoved her sooner.’
‘I don’t feel comfortable touching her without her permission.’
‘You don’t need to ask permission to wake someone up.’
‘She was indecent. We are not related.’
‘You are related now. As far as everyling is concerned, you are hatchmates.’
‘The problem is over now. We have a lot to do today. We got fifteen new changelings drones that need to integrate into Equestria society. We have to hold an audition for new adventurers. Rarity and Autumn have to design uniforms for the adventurers. Bodo needs to prepare for his concert tour. I need to form a contract between the Diamond Dogs and Rarity in exchange for magic crystals for our flying nimbuses….”
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Streets
Roxanna had tagged along with the dryad on her way to the buildsite once she realized Autumn had awoken. The other changelings didn’t sleep, and Autumn’s mimicked sleeping habit had only gotten worse. The Mater-class changeling believed that Autumn would be a good ‘friend candidate’ as her fellow female in the group of former humans.
“Where is the buildsite?” Roxanna wondered.
“Eastern Fields,” Autumn answered.
“But isn’t that the other way, and why don’t we just fly there?” The mater turned her gaze behind her and used her binoculars she carries with her to spot the the construction manager amongst his workers. They had already begun work on what would become the adventurer guild, academy, and the changelings’ new home. ‘I was told these humans had a unique way of getting results as compared to the classical approach the Queen had used before they arrived, but going in the opposite direction to get their destination seems a bit extreme.’
“*yawn* I know and my dryad form doesn’t have wings, so we are going this way. Just a little further.”
The electronics engineering student didn’t question the adjunct accounting professor about their counterintuitive direction, but she still wanted to understand a few things. “So how did you get a big business like Barnyard Bargains?”
Autumn sniffed a few times before she gave her answer. She made sure to speak softly, so nopony could overhear. “We devalued their company by turning them into a villain. It wasn’t hard. After we set them up to steal our blueprints, we made sure to befriend as many ponies who would side with us, which would help the journalist to construct a story that made us look like the victims as they inevitably only interviewed people who sided with us. It also helped that we became ‘the heroes of Ponyville’. That wasn’t planned though.
“While Filthy was a good salespony and could sell his case to the public, Spoiled lacked any empathy for the common pony and wouldn’t keep quiet after they lost the first part of the trial. The ponies of Equestria were quick to turn on them, and Barnyard Bargains suffered for it. With investors pulling out in droves, the prospect of net losses in the coming holiday season, and being permanently labeled thieves, they took our offer to settle by letting us to buy their company at a bargain price.”
“So you entrapped them,” Roxanna stated matter-of-factly. She was new to the whole changeling thing and had only really been awake for a month. The engineer lacked any real field experience, so she just stated things as she saw them.
“Sympathetic for the Riches? I don’t blame you. They aren’t bad ponies really — not even Spoiled despite her rotten attitude. However, think of it this way: what if I came to a country where it was okay to mug an outsider as long as they were not a foreigner as long as they didn’t possess a tail? What if I went into town wearing pants, hiding my tail knowing someone would mug me? Who is more in the wrong: the mugger who takes advantage of law or I who will make muggers think twice before they mug an outsider? By the way, what Filthy Rich did was basically the white-collar version of mugging us.”
Roxanna didn’t really care. She just took the long view, not caring what happened to the non-changelings as long as it reached Her Majesty's most noble dream. The Queen had not cleansed Roxanna of her results-oriented morality during her reconstruction into a Mater. [For pronunciation, think alma mater.]
“How did you get enough money to make this adventurer’s guild building?” the engineer asked, trying to change the topic.
“We took a loan from the Magistry of Generosity. Being heroes does wonder for your credit score,” Autumn joked which earned her a weak laugh from her fellow human. “We also gave Magister Iron Pockets and his sister Magister Red Iron tickets to all of Bodo’s concerts on his upcoming tour.”
“So you bribed them?” Roxanna clarified nonchalantly like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“We didn’t offer them the tickets,” the accountant defended. She was still a CPA at heart and didn’t want to see herself as being unethical in matters of business. “They demanded them from us. Who would have guessed the Iron twins would become metalheads after hearing only a little bit of Bodo’s music?”
This joke didn’t even get a smile from the engineer. It was all business as usual for her.
“Um, anyways, we are here,” Autumn stated and stopped moving. “Take my hand.”
Roxanna obliged and took her hand. She worried a bit about splinters but took the long view and accepted the risks. Autumn awarded the highly-clothed human with a fire portal. They quickly sunk into the ground and reappeared in the Eastern Field where Thomas had first experimented with fireline magic and Bodo had his concert.
“What was that?!” Roxanna gasped.
“Lo-Costs’ patented fireline technology, *yawn*,” Autumn explained nonchalantly, trying to look cool to the new human in their group. “We call this particular setup a Rapid Deployment Grid or RiDGe for short. With this, we can quickly move those trained as adventurers to threats all around the town. Adventurers are really a hybrid between mercenaries, militia, and first responders. Now we have enough changelings working for us, we not only have the capacity to cover the entire village in portals, but can think of connecting all of Equestria in firelines. Also, we can supply any changeling in need of love the excess stored in the grid.”
The potential of these firelines staggered Roxanna. While the new human contemplated firelines, Autumn greeted the manager.
“Mister Gett, thanks for coming to meet me on such short notice.”
“Anything for one of the heroes of Ponyville,” Gett R. Done responded.
“While I am not one of the heroes, the sentiment is appreciated,” she said before putting on a serious face. “I would like to know why you are trying to cheat me.”
“I have no idea to what you are referring.”
“You didn’t think I would notice you tricking my colleagues by asking them if they were okay if you only used new equipment.”
“They obviously see the benefits of using only the best.”
“If only that was the problem here; however, we both know you have a cost-plus contract with us. By using only new equipment, you intend to expense all its depreciation, a theoretical value associated with the wear and tear of fixed assets, on us. We both know had you used older, fully depreciated equipment, we would have had less of your costs to reimburse.”
“How….?”
“Your public books were made available to me through the Magistry of Honesty. You also gave me permission to oversee how you managed your costs. Your colleagues were happy to help a ‘hero’ get all the information she requested. Now it would be a shame if it got out you were attempting to cheat the ‘Heroes of Ponyville’ by playing crooked with accounting. That didn’t end too favorably for Barnyard Bargains when they stole our patent.”
The stallion began to sweat visibly. “Now you don’t have to do that.”
“No, I don’t, and you don’t have to charge us for the bulk of your company’s depreciation.”
Autumn handed the manager a paper proposal, which outlined how she expected the costs to be adjusted.
“Now if you could do your namesake, and get’er done.”
Roxanna blinked her eyes in confusion at the whole conversation. The former human had been an engineering grad student, but she didn’t know anything about cost-plus contracts or depreciation. It all seemed very abstract. Roxanna had expected someone in business to speak in more concrete terms. She trusted her inventions and things the human could see with her own two eyes — enhanced as those eyes may be. It also didn’t help that the dryad came off as a bully. Roxanna, despite her morality, couldn’t abide this behavior, so she wrote Autumn off her friend candidate list. The engineer was a hell bent on giving her Queen control of the world, but she knew she didn’t have to be a jerk about it. It was the only rule that went against from her ‘ends justify the means’ approach to problems.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
While the changeling drones handled the customers downstairs, Thomas took a moment to give a short lecture on the research he had completed to anyone who wanted to hear. The library thankfully had a chalkboard, which he promptly filled with equations and questions.
“Bodo had me look into earth pony and pegasus magic for the purpose of better utilizing their powers when we recruit them into our adventurer guild,” Thomas began. The makeshift classroom had as many of the new drones they could spare and some curious ponies. The former engineering student Roxanna and the accountant Autumn also attended.
“Not to interrupt,” Roxanna said while raising her hand. “But what is she doing out there?” She pointed to a pink pony hanging from a branch connected to the treehouse by her tail. She was visible through the window. The party pony swung back and forth, having the time of her life.
“Pinkie is being punished,” the professor answered in a way that meant no more questions about it. “My first volunteer was Rainbow Dash. We found that she can accelerate from standstill to fast enough to break the sound barrier in ten seconds exactly. This puts her acceleration at 34.3 meters per second squared. Her mass is 215 kilograms, which is on the low end for ponies . I used a simple field technique for calculating her surface area relevant for determining air resistance….”
Roxanna zoned out as she once again stared out the window to find Pinkie bouncing a ball against the library’s wall, causing a soft thump that no one else seemed to hear.
“...We were not able to calculate how much excess energy is expended for the rainboom that occurs for surpassing the speed of sound, but we have concluded that Rainbow Dash far surpases any unicorns we know in terms of the amount of energy she can exert on the world,” Thomas concluded. “Roxanna, am I not interesting enough?”
“No, I didn- I will pay better attention,” Roxanna apologized to the professor who didn’t actually seem bothered by her loss of focus.
“What I want to know is how you got RD to perform a sonic rainboom in the first place,” Autumn commented.
“Well, there is a story behind that.”
Yesterday before Bodo and Autumn came back in the Eastern Field
“Rainbow, I have it on very good authority that you can still do sonic rainbooms,” Thomas told the athletic mare.
“How in the world do you even know that I performed that?”
“Didn’t everyone see it across Equestria? Is it such a stretch that people outside Equestria also saw it and learned about you?”
Playing to her ego soothed Rainbow Dash’s suspicions.
“Wait that rainboom was Rainbow?!” Pinkie exclaimed as she put getting her Cutie Mark and Rainbow Dash’s sonic rainboom together.
After getting that revelation taken care of, Rainbow attempted to pierce the sound barrier again. She looked like she was just about to succeed, but the telltale signs of the harmony barrier trying to keep her from moving too fast appeared.
Thomas frowned as he wasn’t sure if he could convince the athlete to try again if this failed. Pinkie thought quick and came up with a solution.
“Fluttershy is lost in the Ghastly Gorge!” the party mare shouted to Rainbow.
The cyan mare’s eyes went wide as she instantly broke the sound barrier and produced a giant rainboom as she sped towards the crevice on the other end of Ponyville.
“Jiminey Crickets, Pinkie,” Thomas muttered with a sigh and a hand on the bridge of his nose.
Back in the present at Golden Oaks Library
“-and so that is why Pinkie is being punished. We discovered thanks to this experiment that there is a harmony field that spans across all of Equestria, except the Everfree Forest, which is like a hole in the ozone but for this harmony field. In fact, this field acts like a geographic boundary that Equestria used to determine its borders. Anyways, the harmony field is what keeps nature static in Equestria, which is why there isn’t any natural wind without pegasi making it. I am glad I am not a human anymore, or I would probably be having an allergy nightmare.”
Roxanna once again got distracted by Pinkie who was happily eating a cupcake. The engineer hadn’t seen how the mare had gotten it.
“The field also interacts with anyone whose speed approaches the speed of sound, and the resulting rainboom is a reaction that occurs to overcoming harmony’s pull to stillness. When Rainbow performed her sonic rainboom over the Everfree Forest, the rainboom was greatly diminished as the harmony field is torn there.”
Autumn nodded in vague understanding of what the more science-oriented philosopher explaining. “What did you learn about earth ponies?” the dryad wondered.
Roxanna turned back her attention to the lecture for this and started writing down notes based on what she vaguely remembered the professor saying.
“Earth ponies also possess a lot more strength than ponies in general give them credit for,” the eldest professor continued. “After working with Rainbow, I had realized a lot ponies have mental inhibitors in them that prevent them from using their full potential. For example, Big Mac had more than enough strength to move an entire building after I used my mind magic to remove the limiter. One of the fillies in Cheerilee’s class also could lift the entire school building. If we design a way for these earth ponies to use their super strength, they would be quite fearsome. Right now, I think they would all be as strong as Gladius without their inhibitors, which scares me. Here’s to hoping the ponies we train don’t turn against us drones.”
Roxanna snorted. She was a mater-class changeling now. If a praetorian guard was as strong as a super pony, then a love-fed matres (plural of mater) were as strong as combat-trained alicorns (not that Equestria had any since the Princesses just sat around most of the time and looked pretty). Combat strength didn’t even matter because changelings don’t do direct combat. They got rid of Nyantsu and her gang of anti-changeling fighters by tricking them into attacking the three professors who had the ponies protecting them. When Roxanna got a chance, she would show these ponies to fear human-changelings.
“Did you find anything else out?” Autumn inquired, ignoring the engineer’s dismissive attitude towards the ponies.
“Well, I tried to figure out Pinkie’s power,” Thomas began. Roxanna took a quick glance at the pink pony out the window and saw she was now holding a ballpoint pen. “It seems connected to earth pony magic, but it is still very extreme.”
“What do you mean?” Roxanna wondered.
“She seems to be like a quantum particle in a sense,” the professor began. The engineer tried to write down another note but found that her pen was missing. Roxanna looked around her desk to see where she might have dropped it. “Her powers somehow makes her interact with vibrations in the harmony field that pass through time, causing her to involuntary twitch as her body (the focus of earth pony magic) picks up on these temporal interference. She can use this power to predict near the future and calls it her Pinkie Sense. More frighteningly, if you are not looking directly at her, she is everywhere at once within a field that takes up the whole of Ponyville….”
Autumn rubbed her chin at the new information, and the engineer continued her search for her pen.
“Roxanna, if you are not going to pay attention, then you don’t have to be here,” Thomas stated. “We are all very busy.”
“No, I am interested. I have notes.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow at this. Roxanna looked at the table in front of her to find her notes missing. Turning towards Pinkie outside the window, heavily-clothed mater found the pink party pony taking notes with her pen on her paper.
The professor dismissed the slackjaw engineer so that he could continue explaining his findings to the more attentive accountant. The rest of the class started asking a barrage of questions. The ponies mostly wanted to know if they could be ‘superheroes’ too. In all honesty, Roxanna didn’t want to get in the middle of the mess the class became after she left anyways.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Streets near the Schoolhouse
Roxanna’s next friend candidate was Bodo. School was out. Bodo had given the class a demonstration of changeling powers, mostly consisting of some basic transformations, how changelings feed, and how the firelines worked and protected Ponyville. Roxanna had left the library to find him and came across the rockstar professor standing in a crowd.
She brought a little golem with her that she had made after studying magic tech in Cowbelgrade. The golem resembled Eve from WALL-E but behaved like a Pokemon. (Basically, it said its name over and over again while acting cute.) Roxanna believed they could bond over a shared love of making magic constructs.
“You,” Bodo said while pointing at Golden Harvest. The mare jumped with glee and then came to the front of the herd to stand next to the professor. Bodo scratched at his beard for a few moments before flames overtook him and replace the man with a human version of Golden Harvest. Roxanna rolled her eyes at some of the ‘artistic liberties’ Bodo had taken.
“What are you doing?” the mater inquired.
“Just a moment,” Golden-Bodo answered. A stallion with a polaroid camera took Bodo and Golden’s picture and then hoofed the latter her picture.
“Yes!” the mare cheered. “I got my very own humansona. My is so much better than yours, Rose.”
The mare known as Rose did not look amused.
“Okay everyone, that is it for today,” the professor announced. The herd groaned. “Don’t worry I will be here for the next four days before I go on tour. Until then I will try my best to make sure you all get your very own human version of yourself.”
The herd dispersed, allowing Roxanna to approach Golden-Bodo.
“What is that all about?” she asked.
“Well, I was explaining to the ponies about humanity, and it got out that I could show ponies what I think their human versions would be.”
“But you are giving them false expectations of what humans actually look like.”
“It is not like there is some portal lying around that will let them actually see real humans,” Golden-Bodo countered. “I can just tell them whatever I want and they just have to accept it. The feeling of power I feel is overwhelming.”
“I don’t know how I feel about you wielding ‘overwhelming power’ to define humanity,” Roxanna muttered. She cleared her throat and tried to make small talk, which was not her forte. “So you must be happy being a hero and a rockstar?”
Golden-Bodo frowned. “I don’t perform for the adulation.”
“You seemed to enjoy all the attention earlier.”
“I can’t help it if appreciation tastes good.”
“Then why do you perform?”
“To send a message. I haven’t gotten a chance yet since I have only gotten to play pleasure pieces so far; however, Equestria won’t be the same when I play real music. ‘I rebel; therefore, we are. ’ That is the message of my music, and I want these ponies to know it.”
“‘I rebel; therefore, we are.’ I don’t get it. Is that Descartes or something?” Roxanna asked in confusion.
“While it is based on Descartes, that comes from Albert Camus, a favorite philosopher of mine. He said in his book The Rebel , where that quote comes from, that ‘every rebellion implies some form of unity.’ I will form a unity in the hearts of ponies that transcends the harmony they experience today through a rebellion of all they know. It only starts with metal,” the postmodern philosopher explained.
“I am like the Pied Piper,” Golden-Bodo added after a moment’s thought with a rueful chuckle.
"I never heard of Albert Camus," Roxanna mentioned.
The philosopher frowned. "You never read The Stranger. "
"I can't say I have. It isn't ringing any bells. Is this Camus fellow still alive in our world?"
"No, he died in a car accident at the height of his career...."
"Well, that is probably why I don't know him. I only read the most cutting edge research. There really is no point in wasting your time with the past as it is already obsolete. We need only concern ourselves with the future because that is where we are going," the Mater stated with the certainty befitting her age. The philosopher stared at her in utter befuddlement, so Roxanna decided to change the subject again. “Why are you still in that form? Don’t you feel weird being someone else, especially someone of the other sex?”
Golden-Bodo blinked a few times. “At first it was weird, but I liked weird. I transformed into everyone I could. However, after more than two hundred years of not having a body, I am just happy to move around. It helps that I shared a body with a mare for a long time.”
“Two hundred years?! Didn’t you come with us when our interdimensional puncture device worked?”
The postmodernist’s eyes went wide. “You are those students who were doing those experiments in our building! How many others are there?”
“Didn’t someone tell you?” A look of surprise and confusion in the philosopher told Roxanna no one had. “There were four more other than you three and I when we arrived. Two of those died. One when Queen Chrysalis ate him for trying to defect. The other was taken in the field when ambushed by Bitalian Royal Knights. We assume she died because there was no quarterly report. All the rest in the building either didn’t cross or died on entry. That just leaves us with six humans. Your group left before Queen Chrysalis figured out what happened. She turned Bessus, Oxyartes, and me into matres and paters for the purpose of controlling the northern Equus region after pilfering our memories.”
Bodo resumed his normal form and sat down on a nearby bench. The Clover construct sat next to him and acted as a shoulder to lean on.
“Why didn’t I hear about this sooner?” he muttered.
“You guys were so busy with your own stuff and taking care of your fifteen new drones,” Roxanna explained. She whispered the rest so nopony could hear them. “You know as drones yourselves, having drones work underneath you is completely unheard of. The other praetors and matres have high hopes for you three — Queen Chrysalis, especially. With us humans, the Queen believes we can finally realize her dream.”
Thomas leaned deeper into Clover and had her hold him. He had been running on a kind of whimsical high ever since they had their victory over Barnyard Bargains. He could continue their little plan to continue to grow their enterprise and influence in Equestria. Now things were changing. It was catching up with him. He was kind of hoping to forget about the Queen and just spend the rest of his days palling around with ponies. Hearing that his coworkers back on Earth, with whom he shared the Liberal Arts building, might have died weighed down on him. Part of him wanted to be just happy that he had another human with whom to talk, but he didn’t want that to come at the cost of others dying.
Roxanna’s golem walked up to Clover and started jumping up and down to get Clover’s attention. He was not successful as the Bodo’s transcendent illusion lacked a mind of her own.
“His name is Toto,” the engineer told the despond
“Toto!” the golem said proudly.
“He is just like your magic construct.”
Bodo muttered something inaudible. Roxanna put on a strained expression at the bizarre and new behavior. ‘Is he depressed or something?’
“I mean they are both our creations like pets — little friends to have in this strange world.”
Bodo’s eyes lost their sheen as he separated from his magic construct.
“Thanks for telling me about the other humans, Roxanna,” Bodo stated crisply. “I will be off then.”
“Oh, Goodbye then. I will see you tomorrow for your lecture,” the engineer replied with a worried tone.
Bodo walked off with Clover towards the town’s graveyard. Roxanna took Bodo’s vacated seat on the bench and patted her lap to get Toto to sit there.
‘What did I do?’ she wondered completely clueless.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Carousel Boutique
*Beep*
Fleur and Rarity turned to Penny whose armor had made a sudden noise.
“Excuse me,” the knight said as she went to the bathroom. There she pressed the diamond in her chestplate, which then projected an image of a stallion knight. Penny gave a salute. “Honor Sir Haysworth.”
“Honor Dame Honest Penny,” the stallion returned the gesture. “We have made use of the information you have gathered. A prototype is already in production. Have you shared your idea with the Equestrians?”
“I have not told them anything — not even their Princess.”
“Good. We don’t know where the enemy could be hiding.”
“Aside from the prototype, have you made any progress on Project Round Up.”
“Is the asparagus green?” Haysworth asked.
“No, it is white with our mourning,” Honest Penny replied, concluding the secret phrase.
“The Project is going as planned. The changelings won’t know what hit them. They think they are invincible because of their disguises, but without those and the love they can steal with them on, they are weaker than a hornless foal. If all goes well, they will be forced to flee Bitalty and most of the southern continent with all of their bases forfeit to kingdom. Even if that fails, we have ‘it’ as a back up thanks to your intelligence gathering. Let us hope that we never have to use it.”
“Won’t Round Up just drive them all north?”
“That will make them Prance and Equestria’s problem, and by the looks of it, they are already putting their pieces into play. Celestia is one of the longer-lived monarchs and has access to that blasted destiny magic to keep her kingdom forever safe supposedly. It is not like there is anything that could disrupt destiny.”
“And what does King Lupine think of this? Will he simply let Equestria face the changeling threat alone? We have the Roaming Accord.”
“The King is concerned with the needs of Bitaly first, and you best to do the same. Remember our duty as Royal Knights is first to Bitaly. Make sure not to grow too attached to the friendly Equestrians or those human changelings you are ‘protecting’. The enemy aims to control the entire continent, and if any nation has any right to rule the entirety of Equus, that is Bitaly, the inheritors of the Roaman Empire.”
“I understand, Sir Haysworth,” Penny stated coldly.
“Do you have anything to report about the humans?”
“They have acquired an Equestrian business by bending the law and public opinion in their favor.”
“Have they already infiltrated the Equestrian courts?”
“They had, but Celestia scared off the changelings in the responsible court. It was Celestia that ruled in their favor. That isn’t in doubt. In fact, it was the same corrupted court that attacked the humans.”
The image of Haysworth hummed in thought. “I need you to find out if there is any infighting among the changelings. Is there anything else to report?”
“The number of human changelings has increased. The new one is called Roxanna. She is apparently an engineer of some sort. I have seen her taking apart and remaking Equestrian magic tech. However, she seems extremely docile — lonely even. Additionally, she came to Ponyville with fifteen drones and one minotaur.”
“A minotaur you say,” Haysworth repeated. “I need you to find out where that minotaur comes from. This is a significant development — more so than even than the drones and new human.”
“Understood….”
“Do you have anything else to report?”
“Only that they are developing a paramilitary group to defend small earth pony villages, recruiting primarily from the earth ponies and pegasi. That is all Sir.”
“Very well then. Continue your good work, Dame Honest Penny, honor!”
“Sir Haysworth, honor!”
The transmission ended. Transmission technology was not widespread in Equus, reserved for the elites who could afford the most expensive magic tech. This included the illustrious Royal Knights of Bitaly whose combined might could make armies tremble.
Penny took a long breath and clutched at her horn which she now wore around her neck on a necklace. A mythril ring went around the horn tightly and a silver chain was attached to either side of the ring to complete the necklace. Rarity had helped in its design as a gift to make the knight feel better. As a result, the two had become friends.
‘I can’t be friends with the Equestrians ,’ Penny reprimanded herself. ‘Bitaly must come first ... even if that means Equestria must fall in the process.’
Penny washed her face and then returned to two ponies downstairs.
“Work?” Fleur de Lis inquired.
The knight didn’t answer, telling them that it was.
“You should really get a vacation, darling,” Rarity commented with a flick of her mane.
“A Royal Knight never rests,” Penny countered. “We are our country’s main defense against those who intend to do us harm. When we blink, innocent die. When we sigh, villages burn. I will do my duty even if that means I must sacrifice myself.”
They had both heard what Penny had said in the hospital and understood the gravity of the situation.
Fleur took this moment to break the tension by conjuring a package. “I got you this.”
“Another gift?”
“Officially, it is a gift from Prance for protecting their ambassador,” Fleur explained.
Penny attempted to unwrap it with her hooves but found them too uncoordinated for the task. The now hornless unicorn was still used to doing such tasks purely with magic. The failure only served to remind her of how much she had lost and how important it was to push herself to become strong enough again to be worthy of the armor she wore.
“Let me get that for you,” Rarity offered as she instantly unwrapped the package to reveal a rapier.
Penny held it by the hilt, weighing its handle. The non-unicorn Bitalian Royal Knights all had weapons of their own. It fit that she now wielded her own. Applejack had offered her a farming scythe, but that proved too unwieldy to use effectively in combat. While Penny had no experience with this kind of combat, she could tell it was a quality rapier.
“So what do you think?” Fleur asked with sparkles in her eyes. “I got it enchanted and it even has slots for more enchantments you can add later when you find the crystals for them.
‘It is perfect,’ Penny wanted to say but bit her lip instead. The sun began to set.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
Autumn felt warm — toasty even. She had the sensation of being in the air. She didn’t want ever lose this feeling.
Then the smell of smoke met her nostrils. Professor Wright didn’t feel toasty anymore. Adrenaline ran through her body as mimicked dryad instincts went off.
“Fire!” she shouted as she tossed and turned to get up. Instead Autumn found herself hung by her talon-like feet above a covered fire.
“Calm down,” Thomas soothed. “There is no danger.”
“Why am I strung up?!” Autumn barked as bark fell off her chaffing ankles onto the stone below her. “Get me down.”
The stoic philosopher nodded to Rainbow Dash who untied and got the dryad down. She almost didn’t drop her once. It was good Pinkie broke her fall.
“We have concluded that you are going into a winter hibernation,” Thomas explained. “Obviously, this is bad, so please drop the dryad disguise. I know you prefer it, but work comes first.”
Autumn grumbled as she obliged. She didn’t like being a changeling, so she took one of the ponysonas called Crystal Harp, which she and Penny had made with Penny for The Buzzing Host Cafe .
Their restaurant was still in the library, but it would soon have its proper place inside the new adventurers guild when the building was completed. Fortunately, Gett R. Done was making quick progress.
“I am sure you can make another one of those ‘DC’s’ just for the season,” Thomas added with an encouraging tone.
“There called ‘OC’s’,” the former dryad grumbled.
Equestria Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville Outskirts - Western Field
Drone Thirteen continued her patrol around town with her assigned partner and hatchmate Seven.
“You don’t have to show off,” Seven said as Thirteen started skipping around the disguised changeling.
“It isn’t my fault you haven’t mastered walking on two legs yet,” Thirteen countered as she continued to flaunt her skill. She prided herself in being the first of her hatch to fully adapt to the human form.
“I don’t even know why our Love Makers require us to be humans anyways,” Seven complained on shaking legs and with her arms holding a walking stick for balance. She was referring to the fact that Queen Chrysalis had used the love extracted from the three professors during their love tax as a base to create them. Love Makers were changeling infiltrators that the Queen wanted to mass produce their unique characteristics. By using love collected by a specific changeling, some parts of the bug pony’s personality would transfer into the drone as the Queen poured it into the mold.
“Isn’t it obvious? They want us to be recognized as ‘good changelings.’ The ponies trust humans. We are seen as their protectors, which is why we wear this armor too.” Thirteen pointed to her chainmail and overcoat. The overcoat had the Lo-Costs’ colors. It was a four squares of green and black in a checkered pattern with a symbol on each square. The symbols were a guitar, a wooden staff, a bowl of curry, and a golden triangle, representing each of the leaders of the changeling drones in Ponyville. Thomas had made it very clear to all the drones that they were to give Dame Honest Penny their utmost respect and treat the pony like any one of their Love Makers, and Autumn had simply commanded them to only refer to the knight as ‘Epona’.
“I think the emblem has too much happening in it. Why couldn’t they just stuck with one idea or theme?” Seven grumbled. She was born of the love collected by Thomas and Autumn, and the drone wanted things to make sense before being creative.
“I like it. It reminds us that every one of them gives their own part to our mission. If that means it is complex, so be it,” Thirteen replied. She didn’t complain much and could find joy in nonsense, being born from the love collected by Autumn and Bodo.
Before they could get any more meta, the two bickering bugs heard the sound of someone else talking in the distance. Thirteen was excited just to do something different, and Seven was naturally inquisitive, so they approached the speaker. Changeling instincts instructed them to do this stealthily. Thirteen sidestepped from tree to tree while Seven waddled slowly, which was no different from usual for the clumsy bug-human.
They eavesdropped from behind a boulder.
“So you think we can’t get all the loot out of here before Riches call on the Royal Guard?” one voice said.
“Absolutely, Pick, Ponyville is leagues from Canterlot,” another voice explained. “By the time they know, it will night and we will be in Fillydelphia. I even got a fence lined up to received the goods.”
Thirteen poked her head around a boulder to spy four ponies with baklavas over their faces and burlap sacks full of silverware and the like.
“We got to do something,” the enthusiastic drone whispered.
“It is too dangerous. They outnumber us, and we don’t have any nearby source of love to give us an advantage,” her cautious companion added.
“Then let’s summon help. Use your finger trick.”
Seven looked at her finger and then lifted it up to the sky. She tried to fire it, but only sparks came out. “I can’t.”
Thirteen rolled her eyes. “Let me help you.” She grabbed the changelings arm and pulled on it like she was cocking a gun while pushing in some spare appreciation into her friend. Thirteen then took Seven’s thumb and pulled it like a trigger, causing a flare to fly out into the sky.
“What was that?!” one of the thieves said.
“We got some snooping weird creatures.”
“I saw them in the papers. They are called hoo-mans.”
“It doesn’t matter what they are called. Let’s get out of here before they can get friends.”
Thirteen knew she couldn’t let the thieves run away, so she threw rocks at them.”
“Okay, if you are going to make this tough, Miss, we are going to have to-,” one of them warned before taking a rock to the face, breaking a tooth and cutting her lip.
“Git ‘em,” the leader told her fellow thieves.
The two changelings in human disguises ran back towards town. Well, Thirteen ran but Seven more of waddled like an adult-shaped toddler.
A single pegasus among the thieves flew straight at them. Seven knew she couldn’t outpace a pegasus in her human form so dropped it in order to transform into a copy of her pursuer. The two identical pegasi swirled around each other and the thieves tried to help. A unicorn among them sent a kinetic blast but accidently hit his comrade instead.
An earth pony thief charged Thirteen who kept her human disguise on. She did, however, give herself white wings and a halo (the latter because she could).
“You have been a bad girl!” Thirteen shouted as loudly as she could in order to help the other changelings in town might hear. The playful changeling jumped into the air and descended upon the earth pony mare and rode her bareback. Thirteen fused her legs together under the pony’s barrel with another burst of magic and then started flapping her wings for all they were worth. The earth pony’s bucking stopped as she was no longer on the ground.
The unicorn aimed to knock Thirteen out of the air with another kinetic blast, but his boss stopped him. “Don’t you dare! You will hit Pick. Do you want to kill her?” The unicorn shook his head emphatically. “Look she can’t maintain her flight for long. We will get her when she descends. Focus on the other one.”
Seven didn’t need any more encouragement to take evasive actions after the first kinetic blasts. The cautious changeling decided to hide behind Thirteen.
“What are you doing?” the enthusiastic changeling huffed as she struggled to fly.
‘Using you as a shield,” Seven responded, which earned her a glare. ‘I will trade a glare for a blast to the face any day.’
The two other thieves chased them but didn’t attack. The pegasus had yet to recover from the friendly fire from earlier, which told Seven she definitely didn’t want to get hit.
Eventually, Thirteen ran out of steam literally. Seven wasn’t much better, having used a good portion of her magic on that flare.
The unicorn and the earth pony thief leader closed in on the grounded and exhausted pair. The earth pony whom Thirteen had carried fainted as she wasn’t used to flying at all.
The two returned to their human forms and held up their arms in surrender.
“You lose hoo-mans,” the thief leader stated as she approached cautiously with club in hoof. “Any last words?”
“Just two,” Seven answered. “Turn around.”
“Wha-.” Before the two ponies could do so, they were tackled by thirteen other changelings disguised as humans in armor. They had just used Thomas and Pinkie's Rapid Response Grid (aka RiDGe) to portal in. Thirteen and Seven had made sure to get the thieves as close to one of the gateways as they could.
An hour later, Thirteen and Seven carried the stolen goods back to the Riches’ mansion. The other changelings took care of the thieves. Since the two had done the hard work, they deserve the reward of seeing the ponies’ happy faces when they got back their metal doodads back.
Thirteen cheerfully knock on the door. She could already taste the appreciation. Filthy Rich answered the door.
“Leave. Your kind are not wanted here,” he commanded.
“But we have your stuff,” Seven responded.
Filthy eyed the burlap sacks full of his family’s possessions. “Of course, you do.” Disdain radiated off the earth pony.
Spoiled came to the door. “I bet they stole it just so they could trick us into feeding them. Changelings know no limits to their deception.”
“Must your kind put salt in our wounds?” Filthy added. “Give us those and get lost.”
The two ponies took the burlap sacks and slammed the door on Thirteen and Seven. Changelings tried to leave but instead collapsed. They were too out of juice. They had been counting on the Riches’ appreciation to refill them and now they were paying for that miscalculation.
Bodo had been in a nearby cemetery visiting a large unmarked grave for all those who died during the concert including Nyantsu. He noticed the two prone drones as he left.
“What mess have you two gotten into?” he wondered and went through the disappointing experience of feeding them until they could walk on their own. “I think we should respectfully give these ponies some space.”
The two changelings agreed with their mutual love maker.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - Golden Oaks Library
“No,” Thomas said. The minotaur inched forward. “No.” He moved forward another inch. “Please, no.” The minotaur glomped the philosopher in a hug in the middle of the kitchen for all the changelings to see. Fortunately, no ponies were around.
“Tommy,” Kraghorn crooned.
“Okay, what is wrong with him and why is he even here? Isn’t he the Mayor of Iona?” Crystal-Autumn asked.
“He is brainwashed.”
“What?...Chrysalis. What happened to Iona?” the unicorn disguised changeling questioned with clear concern.
“It is a ghost town,” Roxanna answered.
“Chrysalis killed them all!”
“Well, not all of them,” the engineer answered. “Some were taken as love batteries like Kraghorn. You should be happy. Getting your own love battery is an honor.”
“This is terrible. What the heck is the benefit of killing all those people?!” Autumn raged.
“To build up our army, obviously,” Roxanna returned nonchalantly. The emotions of the ‘bully’ changeling didn’t make sense to her at all. “We need a lot of drones if we are to realize Her Majesty’s dream. Force draining them is the fastest way. While you three do your thing up here with just a few drones, the rest of the Praetors and Maters will do it the old fashion way.”
“Is there anything to do about him?” Autumn asked both former changelings.
“I don’t know,” Thomas stated as he uncomfortably comforted the almost mindless minotaur.
“You feed from him,” Roxanna offered as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Thomas felt a bit sick at the thought. He tried to not feed off Kraghorn, but it was like holding his breath. Eventually, his changeling senses would kick in and force him to breath in his admittedly delicious love energy. With this extra power, Thomas could probably overpower a Royal Guard on his own.
Imagine that one of your best friends went fell hopelessly in love with you to the point that you couldn’t have a conversation with them anymore without it devolving into them repeating how much in love with you they are. The feeling isn’t mutual. You stop being friends after they refuse to stop, but then they start stalking you. Now imagine that you can’t get a restraining order and are obligated to take care of this friend now they are so hopelessly in love they are incapable of taking care of themselves. That was basically Thomas’s situation.
“Okay, this has to stop,” Thomas declared. His left hand flared in flame, removing his fake glove. He pressed his hand on Kraghorn’s head and found the mind control magic.
‘Yes, take it out,’ Slither cooed. Thomas ignored her as he pulled out Chrysalis's magic; however, he discovered that he had to put the magic somewhere else. ‘Give it to me.’
Thomas didn’t have any other good option as he didn’t want to the magic turning him into a mindless thrall. Slither fed on Chrysalis’s spell and the black chitinous corruption grew on his arm. His once large left hand became slender and effeminate as Slither claimed it as part of her body. Her expansion stopped right below his elbow.
The minotaur slumped to the ground unconscious from the indelicate raking of foreign magic from his mind. ‘He wouldn’t come out the same, but at least he isn’t a mindless slave ,’ Thomas rationalized.
‘You won’t do that to us, will you Thomas?’ Drafty asked on behalf of his thralls in Bitaly.
Before he could answer her or the changelings in the room with him, the door opened to reveal Bodo and two drones walk in. It looked like they all had a long day.
Thomas averted his gaze from Bodo, which Crystal-Autumn noticed right away. Once the three changelings who had just entered went upstairs to presumably get some rest, the unicorn-changeling spoke up.
“You haven’t told him about Iona either,” she stated.
“He doesn’t need to know yet.”
“But I thought you were all about people accepting death.”
“Yes, but he hasn’t accepted losing Clover to time not to mention something as abstract as philosophy. He took the death of Nyantsu and the other attackers very badly. He still hasn’t forgiven himself for what happened to Penny’s horn.”
“He looked happy to me when we were at the trial,” Crystal-Autumn mentioned.
“That is because he was escaping his emotions. I know Bodo better than you. Anytime things like this happen, he escapes into his music or goofing off or perversion as if nothing happened. It is all a facade, and at this point, he is doing all three, which can only mean that he is at his limit.”
“He did look really sad when I talked to him earlier today,” Roxanna added.
“Why don’t you just let him have Clover,” the unicorn-changeling suggested.
“Because that would only make things worse.”
“You let Apple Bloom and those other ponies get to see their loved ones.”
“That was different. That was for closure. This would be permanent. He would be replacing her with an illusion. That isn’t a healthy way to deal with loss.”
“And we can’t afford to lose Bodo to his depression.”
‘Why is it that I must always decide between two rights? Is this world just trying to turn me into a contradiction of everything I believe in?’ he pondered ruefully.
‘That is because you have pesky morals to be conflicted about. It would be so much easier if you just gave in and did whatever was necessary to make the world into one you want to live in,’ Slither offered, trying to be helpful but failing.
“Wait Clover is not just some magic construct?” Roxanna inquired with confusion in her voice.
“Yes.” “No.” Autumn and Thomas contradicted each other respectively, which didn’t help ease the engineer’s confusion.
“You are going to have to do something about this, Thomas,” Autumn ordered.
“I...will think about it,” Thomas answered. “I will have an answer by the time I am done starting up business with the Diamond Dogs with Rarity.”
“You better,” Crystal-Autumn muttered. “Let’s all get some sleep. Tomorrow Bodo is giving his lecture and then you are off on your business trip Thomas. Get it done quickly because it won’t take long for Bodo to put two and two together and figure out why Kraghorn was here in the first place.”
“If anything, he probably already figured it out but is in denial,” Thomas mentioned, earning him a sigh from his fellow human-turned drone.
Roxanna didn’t know what to make of the whole conversation. ‘Why can’t they just be happy with the gifts our Queen has given them? Aren’t they happy they are succeeding in their mission?’ she thought.
Author's Note
There are probably a lot of problems with this chapter, but I tried my best for a preliminary edit. I will comb over it tomorrow. Anyways, I have a question for you:
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
Chapter 13: In One's Clutch
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - The Buzzing Host Cafe
Applejack arrived at the Golden Oaks Library and took a seat at one of the cafe tables. She noted that there were two Crystal Harp hosts. One struggled to entertain Bonbon. The earth pony candy mare detailed all her previous conversations with the ponysona so that the disguised changeling could start where the prior one left off. The other Crystal Harp just sat at one booth alone as she furiously drew what looked like a seed or a peach cut in half to Applejack. Next to the latter Harp sat a well-used book called Non-ponies and Where to Find Them .
“May I help you, Applejack?” a human-disguised changeling drone in a Prench maid outfit asked. The drone twirl a lock of curly red hair in her finger for a moment before dropping it in order to straighten out her apron.
‘Where in Tartarus do they get their disguise ideas from?’ the orange farm mare pondered. She decided not to question why someponies had actually ordered changelings to host them in their human forms in bizarre outfits. “Um...Ah am just here for the class,... Thirteen,” the orange farm mare answered, reading the changeling’s ‘nametag’.
Thirteen puffed a lock of hair out of her face and then gave a quick curtsy. “Very well, ma’am,” she said with more annoyance at the offending hair than Applejack. She then skipped to the next customer, which earned her glares from her fellow changelings for some reason the earth pony couldn’t fathom.
Doctor Bodo Stein and ‘Magi’ Clover entered the cafe. Applejack almost got up, but it quickly became apparent that they had come out for a different reason than to talk about the upcoming class. Bodo and Clover took a seat behind a piano and drum set respectively that Applejack knew for sure hadn’t been in the room when she had entered.
“Hello, everyone,” Bodo began. It bothered Applejack that the human changeling never or rarely used ‘everypony’ or other ponyisms. He had fought hard to be proclaimed a pony by the Princess, but yet he refused to assimilate into Equestrian culture. It was a ‘if you are going to live in Equestria, speak Equestrian’ thing for the rural pony. When Applejack had broached the subject with Thomas a few days ago, the philosopher said he understood but didn’t agree.
“The Great and Clever Magi Clover and I will be your be your musical entertainment this morning,” Bodo continued, bringing Applejack out of her thoughts. “News is that the pegasi have scheduled our first snow for tomorrow, and so my first song for you is Snowflake .”
It was a pleasant tune befitting of the cafe atmosphere. Couples that had entered the cafe for a date snuggled closer together to ‘keep each other warm,’ which highlighted the fact that Applejack was the only pony who was sitting alone in the entire cafe.
Fortunately, Applejack was a proud mare. She didn’t-
“Anypony sitting here?” an athletic cyan mare took the seat across from the brooding orange one. Applejack didn’t complain. “I never expected you to be here. Why’d you come?”
“The class,” Applejack stated flatly.
“Oh, me too. I can’t wait until they open that Adventure Guild. They are going to have an academy there that teaches you how to fight monsters in the Everfree. Everypony is already saying how it is going to be like the Wonderbolts but for small towns like Ponyville. How awesome is that?”
Applejack merely nodded. She didn’t know Rainbow Dash all that well. They talked, but mostly about the weather. That shouldn’t be misunderstood as small talk though. Rainbow Dash was the weather captain for all of Ponyville, and Applejack was a farmer in Ponyville who needed to plan around that weather. It was precisely because of the snow storm scheduled for tomorrow that she could come to the class in the first place.
Bodo and Clover finished their first song and they were already getting bits thrown into a tip jar. It wasn’t actually there, so the bit fell all over the place. Fortunately, the Clover puppet could do magic and organize them in a neat pile, which pleased a particular stoic cook. Their next two songs were Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonight and How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) by a human named James Taylor.
“Layin’ on the whole ‘we’re changelings’ a bit thick, aren’t they?” Applejack commented as she fiddled with her hooves nervously.
“Ugh, I hate sappy love songs,” Rainbow complained. “Play some rock'n'roll!”
“No heckling our lovemaker,” a stern but clumsy black-haired waitress dressed like a archetypal swordswoman warned. Her nametag read ‘Seven.’ The drone refused to carry any food to the patrons, claiming that she still didn’t have her ‘human legs’ down yet. She was surprisingly popular among the stallions, which Applejack again could not understand.
“No accounting for taste, am I right?” Rainbow joked. Applejack was not sure if the pegasus was commenting on the music or the stallions but decided not to inquire which. “So why did you want to go to Bodo’s class?”
“To protect my family and the farm.”
“Yeah, you live right next to it. You guys get attacked by timberwolves all the time.”
Applejack nodded. “They can’t build that guild soon enough. We farmers need it. Golden Harvest is even callin’ in her family to see if they can pitch in some bits to support Lo-Costs build one in Lost Stables after seeing the RiDGe system in action.”
“If I were building the guild, I would have finished it in ten days flat.”
“Captain, it takes a full construction team of earth ponies eleven months to build something this big.”
“Call me RD. Calling me Captain makes you sound like one of my weather ponies,” Rainbow corrected. “So are you investing into Lo-Costs like Golden is?”
The farmer frowned. “We’ll see after next harvest.”
“But the whole guild will be finished by then!” The apple harvest came around October, which Rainbow correctly pinpointed as the scheduled completion month for the guild.
“It is what it is,” Applejack defended proudly. “We won’t have the bits until the harvest anyway.”
Rainbow didn’t understand, being a pegasus who moved to Ponyville from Cloudsdale in order to watch over her childhood friend Fluttershy. “So why did Golden invest in an adventure guild if the RiDGe system can only be activated by changelings? There aren’t really that many changelings to go around.”
“Ah had a talk with Roxanna,” Applejack began.
“The pudgy one with all the clothes,” the weathermare interrupted. Applejack nodded in confirmation. “I swear she must have tripped her whole way through Carousel Boutique to end up looking like that.”
Applejack snorted unintentionally at the thought of it. She tugged on the red leaf cloth scarf around her neck. Rarity had made for her as a ‘I am sorry, let us be friends again’ present. “Ah gotta give the human respect though. Her cloths were made by her family.”
“So what did you two talk about,” Rainbow changed subject. She didn’t want to talk about family with a pony who everypony knew had lost some only a few years back to a monster attack.
“Apparently, if the changelin’s get a warm pony welcome here in Ponyville, Roxanna’s friends from down south are going to keep comin’.”
“How many?”
“An army’s worth in total, but in batches at a time each season. The batches will increase as Lo-Costs become more successful, but stop if they start strugglin’. In her words, ‘changelin’s go where the love is’, and they won’t help Lo-Costs if they ain’t gettin’ enough love to feed ‘em.”
“So if we want an army of changelings protecting us, we are going to have to really support Lo-Costs, huh.”
Applejack nodded.
Bodo finished his two James Taylor songs, which got him a clopping applause and more bits from the restaurant-goers. “My next piece comes from a folk song, but was popularized by the human’s best-selling videogame of all time. From where did this marvelous product that would make any profit-seeking entrepreneur’s mouth water come?”
Bodo’s little speech didn’t matter much to ponies as they didn’t know anything about humans; however, the changeling sitting all alone in the Crystal Harp disguise paused from her drawing to listen.
“Well, from Soviet Russia , of course,” Bodo continued. “Tetris Theme A was derived from the Russian folk song Korobeiniki. The videogame was marketed to world as ‘From Russia with Love.’ I would like to say to you to remember where you come from as we remember where this songs come from and to not be so quick to dismiss the ideas from lands far away or from those whom we might have considered our enemies.”
The speech was a bit rambling, but Applejack appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. The song began, and it’s upbeat tune made Rainbow Dash jitter a bit. Even Seven couldn’t look away from Bodo as he played the song. Her fingers mimicked his key presses on the piano.
“I have no idea what a Soviet Russia is, but I think I like this song,” the cyan mare commented.
“Thomas said somethin’ about the Soviets in our talks. He used to fight against them kinda,” Applejack explained to the best of her ability.
“Kinda?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow at the earth pony.
“It was something he called a ‘proxy war’. Don’t ask me what that means. Ah don’t know.”
“Do you think Thomas and Bodo were enemies at some time?”
Applejack rubbed her chin. She wasn’t sure what to say or if she should say anything. The conversation had veered into gossip-territory, and the farmer abhorred gossip. It was an activity for the dishonest with idle hooves, she believed.
“I would rather-”
“Rather what?”
Applejack jumped and tried to scream, but no sound came. She found Bodo sitting next to her with a nonchalant expression.
“But you there, here...bawh?” Rainbow Dash stammered as she indicated the Bodo sitting behind the piano and the one sitting across from her next to her friend. Pianist-Bodo started his next and final song, which he introduced as ‘Don’t Stop Me Now .’ “Are you the real one?”
“I could be,” the philosopher answered. “Or I could be there, there, there, or there.” He indicated all the other seats in the cafe. The two ponies took a nervous glance to find all the other patrons had turned into copies of Bodo, who all gave them a friendly wave.
Applejack attempted another frightful yelp but again Bodo muffled her voice. It only took a little to spook the orange mare, and this was definitely more than a little. The man grinned at her mischievously, revealing two canines. Instincts shot through the farmer as every fiber in her body wanted to get away from the predator; however, he blocked her exit from her booth seat with his body. The thought that Bodo could kill her silently without anyone even knowing entered mind.
“I got you two good, didn’t I?” Bodo said with a laugh.
“Yeah you did! I was at the edge of my seat ready to ugh...clobber you, yeah clobber you,” Rainbow admitted with clearly false bravado.
“That ain’t funny,” Applejack criticized.
“It kinda was,” the weathermare countered.
“Regardless of whether it was funny, it is important to get used to surprises like this as the life of an adventurer is full of similar perils,” Bodo defended. “I assume you two want to attend my class.”
They nodded.
“Hey, you could do so many pranks with that power of yours,” Rainbow stated. “You could literally be anywhere and nopony would even know.”
“That I could,” the philosopher replied with another toothy grin. “But I think Applejack knows better to fear this kind of power than to love it.”
“No way,” the athlete brushed off. “You should totally join me on some pranks. I already have so many ideas.”
“Maybe another time. However, I got a class. See you two soon after I get everything set up.”
The two said their goodbyes. Applejack considered whether or not it was a good idea to go a class with someone so potentially dangerous teaching, but remembered that this same pony had put his life on the line to protect her little sister. Danger wasn’t such a bad thing as long as it wasn’t aimed at other ponies, she figured.
“By the way,” Bodo added as he walked towards the stairs. “Did you enjoy that red delicious this morning before your nap, Rainbow?”
“Uh...Nopony could have- how did you kno- I mean, I don’t know what you are talking about,” the cyan mare stammered.
“We have been noticing some apples missin’ lately,” Applejack commented. “You wouldn’t know anythin’ about that, Rainbow.”
Bodo ascended the stairs as the weathermare gave a tearful confession and a promise to pay back every bit she owes. Rainbow had it in her mind when she took the apples that it was fine because the apples were still on the trees and because she helped out with the weather that made the fruit. It was the logic of a pony who only really got to see a farm after descending from her home in the clouds above all the earth ponies. A part of her still thought it was wrong, so she tried to be sneaky about it.
Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - East Fields Build Site - Temporary Guild Office
Thomas sat behind a small foldable table where he transitioned from a dog-eared tome on a stand, a notebook, and a typewriter between the two. His gloved hands flew between the three like motions of a maestro. Behind him, Kraghorn slept silently on a cot Autumn had installed during her whole sleeping-phase.
The classical philosopher had decided to borrow the temporary guild office they had built in the eastern fields next to the build site for the future adventurer’s guild. He found the cacophony of jackhammers and larger earth movers preferable to inane randoms songs of the ponyvillians who would constantly seek him out for transformation requests. Bodo and Autumn didn’t mind entertaining the ponies, but he couldn’t do it himself. The closest he had was his closure services where he created artificial personalities to speak for the dead . Even then, he felt like a spectator when among the ponies. While the ponies didn’t think to look for him in the temporary office, some knew well enough to find him but not enough to leave him be.
“So I was saying, I should be the leader of all the changelings,” a changeling drone announced in the chair across from Thomas. “I am number One as you properly named me. I am the eldest of my siblings and seen the most action in the field. I am really the best.”
The philosopher put down his ballpoint pen, losing his train of thought.
“Who are you, miss,” he asked the drone.
“One can’t you see my nametag,” she answered, thrusting out her chest to proudly display her nametag.
“I am sorry, Miss One. I was being imprecise. I meant more of where did you come from and what your life story is. I do remember naming all of you and getting the basic summary from Roxanna; however, I haven’t had a conversation with any of you outside of detailing how you should behave towards the ponies.”
He had no regrets about not having conversations with them. The only reason he even had any intercourse with the changelings was because the implanted imperative to do all he could to conquer Equestria. In fact, the philosopher had only given them numbers for names because he wanted as little to do with other changelings as possible.
He also didn’t like this One changeling at all and wish she had never got assigned to their team by the Queen. He just hated something about her personality he couldn’t place yet.
“I had the privilege of being born in a hive in Cowbelgrade. While it was only a temporary outpost not unlike this room we now find ourselves in, it was constructed excellently and even withoutstood an attack by the enemy bovines. As I said, I was the firstborn among your clutch.”
“My clutch?” Thomas raised the rare eyebrow at the revelation. It was a gesture of unfathomable surprise that only his fellow changelings could interpret as such.
“Pardon me. I did, how did you say, oh yes, ‘the being imprecise’. I meant you as in you three. Chrysalis crafted us from the love she extracted from your quarterly taxes. It is always nice seeing your taxes going towards some good, and there isn’t getting much better than moi. We know you three as lovemakers.”
“Lovemakers?” the professor inquired with a slight vibration in his tone indicating dread.
“If we are allowed to be imprecise, I would say the closest term used by the flesh bags you are having us befriend would be ‘parents.’ My younger siblings and I have been trying to have a conversation with you for weeks. However, I understand you best being made from your collected love and being the most mature changeling out here. That is why you naturally allowed me to be the first one to have a heart-to-heart with you.”
In reality, One had just snuck into the office when noling was looking and basically cornered him behind the desk. The term heart-to-heart might convey the idea of an emotionally-laden conversation, but it meant more to an emotovore like changelings who could layer in small bursts of emotional flavors into their conversations. These ‘flavors’ were lossed on the former human Thomas. The general gist was that they could give a conversation more sincerity. Changelings needed to trust and identify one another and emitting emotional flavors allowed them to do so.
“So you are my child,” Thomas stated.
“Yes and about ten others in our group of fifteen. It was a rather large clutch for three drones like yourselves, but Chrysalis was really impressed with your reports. She wants to support you in your efforts. While I know you won’t be proud, you really should be….”
One kept talking but Thomas had stopped listening after hearing that he had ten children. He had always been single, having decline any relationships either arranged by his parents or otherwise because he knew he couldn’t reciprocate their feelings. The philosopher had long molded the minds of young students as his way of vicariously having children. Now he actually had children, bug ponies as they might be, the man felt something shift inside him. It was a new emotion he didn’t know mixed with an old familiar one. The one he knew was regret.
Thomas now regretted not having talked to the drones who had sought out him as their father. Of the three professors, he spent the most time with ponies who lacked a father figure in their lives. He couldn’t help but think of Apple Bloom and how she had felt when her fellow foals bullied her for not having a father.
The door burst open as another changeling in a human disguise backpedaled as reddish brown mare with a white mane in armor pushed her back at rapier point.
“Boss, I tried to tell her that you weren’t to be bothered by anyling, but she wouldn’t listen. I am sorry for letting someling through-” The drone explained before stopping abruptly upon seeing One sitting there with a smug look on her face. Three, as her name tag indicated, tittered in embarrassment at her double failure to keep Thomas distraction free.
Thomas opened his mouth, then closed it, changed what he was going to say, and then finally spoke. “It is alright Three. It was about time I had a few conversations, and I can see Dame Honest Penny has something she needs to urgently talk to me about.”
“Damn straight I do,” the knight declared. Hanging around Autumn and being far away from her knight comrades had really made the mare much more casual with her language.
“You know you aren’t going to make any friends pointing swords at them, Lady Knight,” he advised.
Penny made a threatening thrust forward causing Three to fall on her butt. Satisfied the knight finally put holstered it. “I am not here to make friends. This changeling was impeding a Royal Knight in performance of her duty. If I need to talk to you, I am going to talk to you. Remember who holds your fate in their hooves.”
“I assure you I haven’t forgotten.”
Thomas’s eyes flared a bit as Slither whispered ways to deal with ‘this little problem’ once and for all. He rubbed his gloved left hand. It soothed the mind parasite but did not silence her completely.
“I recommend not threatening me in front of them,” he urged, indicating the two drones. On one hoof, One looked like she was about to swat a particularly annoying fly. On the other hoof, Three gulped as she contemplated the death sentence of engaging a Royal Knight in combat. “For their sakes.”
“Send them out then. This is just between you and me.”
Thomas took a moment to consider his words again. “I would, but do you really think they would do that now? Anyways, when I said it is about time for me to have some more conversations. That includes having some with these two.”
The two drones remained fixed on the knight’s every movement, but on the inside, they were beaming with joy. To Thomas, he just assumed they had farted or something. Noling had explained emotional flavors to him.
“Lady Knight, I am not naive. I know what you are putting on your tough cop act.
Penny snorted and then shook her head. She walked up to One. When she didn’t vacate the seat, the knight got ‘a bit’ forceful.
Thomas didn’t move. While he knew it was an act, there was a very real possibility that the Royal Knight might take any aggressive action and make that grounds for locking them up. Even without her horn, her training and her armor made her a very real threat to Thomas and the changelings. Fighting her could lead into a loss of confidence with the ponies. Bodo had already informed him of Penny’s reports to both Bitaly and occasionally to the Princess. (It helped to have a person who could hide in plain sight.) Penny had always known that something was up, and the pressure from her colleagues in the Royal Knights affected her.
“What are you writing?” Penny began.
“It is just book — a pamphlet really.”
“Let me see.”
He handed some of the finished pages to her.”
“Horse Sense by Paine?” she questioned with a curious eyebrow.
“It is a pen name. There was a famous writer from my home country by the name of Thomas Paine. We changelings have a custom of taking pen names. It is all part of that disguise culture we have.”
“I didn’t pin you as a changeling who liked wearing disguises.”
“We all wear disguises in our own way, Lady Knight.”
“What is that book then?” she asked, point to the book on the stand. The title read How to Become Wise by Puddinghead. “Isn’t Puddinghead that stupid earth pony who almost killed everypony in Equestria in the Hearth's Warming Eve story?”
“The book is for inspiration. The authorship is that Puddinghead, but pony’s pageant grossly flanderized the Chancellor’s character. Did you know that excerpts from How to Become Wise will be required reading for the foals in Ponyville starting next year? The earth ponies on the school board liked the idea of learning more about where they come from and a complex and arguably heroic earth pony from pre-Equestria.”
Penny snorted again. This was going nowhere, and she had come here for a different issue altogether.
“Who is he?” she questioned, gesturing to the minotaur who somehow slept through not only the sounds of construction outside but also their conversation.
“The boss’s!” One interjected.
Thomas held his hand to silence his fellow drone. “He is Kraghorn and a friend of mine.”
“Where is he from?”
“...Bucktown, if I remember correctly. I might be mistaken.”
“Bucktown is a Cyclopean city on the Minos Peninsula. Cyclops are not well-known for letting hobos live on their streets,” she stated, referring to the minotaur’s rags, unkempt appearance, and gaunt face. A beard could only hide so much. “Are you sure he isn’t from Iona? Your tickets indicated you emigrated out of that small fishing town.”
“He has definitely seen better days. He was quite important when I first met him. Dabbled in politics. Also, I don’t really recall if that is where he is from. We are more of pals who swap stories over cards. I never delved into where he came from.”
“You seemed a lot closer than just pals. I would have guessed he was your lover. You could even said he was enthralled to you.”
‘If you don’t kill her, she is going to kill you or your friends in her foalish pursuit for ‘justice.’ Just let me at her,’ Slither offered.
The two young drones watched from the sidelines ready to pounce the moment Thomas gave the order.
The diamond on Penny’s chestpiece beeped softly and blinked yellow.
“What is that?” Three wondered.
Penny frowned and then clicked her armor. A symbol of a wolf holding a spear appeared before her. After a few moments, the diamond beeped again but flashed green instead.
“One of the other Royal Knights got injured on duty, but he is okay. If anything bad happens to us, all the other Royal Knights know not only who was hurt but will know by whom.”
“What a useful armor you have there. How you are keeping Roxanna off you?”
“That dog should know better than to put her snout where it doesn’t belong. I had to get quite physical to make this clear.”
“...I can imagine.”
Penny’s armor bleeped once again, but this time with a white light. An image of a clock appeared. The knight sighed. “It is time for Bodo’s lecture. Tell me when ‘Kraghorn’ wakes up. I have questions for him too.”
The reddish brown flicked her white mane back and step through One before leaving.
“What do we do about her?” Three asked with a pleading tone.
“We do what we can to keep her away from Kraghorn. We don’t know how much he remembers,” Thomas explained.
“Not that it will do much,” One countered. “News of what happened to Iona and all the other fishing villages on that coast has already reached Bitaly. We will have to come up with an alibi.”
“Suggestions?” the philosopher requested of his two minions… employees… children.
“I think we should continue your farce that you are a detractor from Her Majesty’s great swarm,” Three offered. “It was because the Queen was at your heels when you fled so it was an unfortunate coincidence that Iona burned.”
“And that minotaur was just fleeing the carnage as a refugee,” One added. “Kraghorn came to Equestria for safety and to be with his friend.”
“Sounds like a plan then,” Thomas concluded.
“What do we do about Kraghorn though?”
The philosopher frowned at Three’s question. “We will cross that bridge when he wakes up. Until then, I have a book to write.”
“Um, we should leave then,” Three guessed.
The two drones got up, but Thomas held his hand. “...I wouldn’t mind you staying. I could use some help anyways, and you both have good heads on your shoulders.”
‘Good heads on your shoulders.’ The phrase sent shivers down his fake spine, but he couldn’t place why though.
“See I told you that our lovemaker would see my greatness and welcome me as his confidant,” One boasted to her fellow drone.
Then it dawned on Thomas what had made him dislike One when they began their conversation. It was because he saw himself in her. An arrogant sense of superiority he often saw himself fall into. He had gotten it from his parents and now his children had it too.
‘All hatred of others is also self-hate,’ Slither mused. ‘Hatred has a personal edge. All our insecurities are directed at the self, and seeing others with our own flaws only serves to remind us of them. The only way to overcome hatred is to accept the darkness in us instead of pretending to be righteous knights on a crusade for the ‘good’.’
‘Does that mean to love one’s children is to also love yourself,’ Drafty commented over the telepathic link between Thomas and his thralls.
Thomas sighed and tried to continue writing Horse Sense through the sounds of construction, One and Three chatting him up, and Slither and Drafty philosophizing. Only this classical philosopher could hope to get anything done with that many distractions happening. He wondered if Bodo was having better luck with his lecture.
Author's Note
Sorry for the late chapters. I will be on vacation, so next chapter will also be late.
Three Professors Conquer Equestria
The Celestial Plane above every Equus where all is seen and nothing can be unseen:
This will be fun. Three beings with of great talent and ability have fallen through the veil between realities. It was all for the best that they left their old reality anyway. They were wasting all that potential in that terrible place where fools lead in grandeur and the wise suffer into obscurity.
Here they get to use that potential for a great purpose: Conquering Equestria, the greatest and most powerful nation on Equus. These three will have no combat ability, so they will have to rely on their wits and those who they can persuade to their cause.
I wonder what path they will take. Will they amass a large army and attack? Perhaps, they will starve Equestria of trade and magic. Only these three will know.
Earth Charlie - Marble University - College of Liberal Arts - Breakroom
Two old men stared at each other, taking slow deliberate bites of their respective lunches. Due to the cold that seeped through the old, rickety college building, the two dressed warmly even indoors. One wore a fashionable blazer and a bowtie as he forked at his lightly seasoned chicken caesar salad. His grey hair was cut in a military crew cut and his face clean shaven. His shoes were an expensive pair of brown loafers.
The other wore a leather jacket over a simple collared shirt as he took a bite out his gyro sandwich. His long white hair was tied back in a ponytail. His small, round wire-framed sunglasses complemented his finely trimmed goatee. On his feet, he possessed a well-worn pair of sandals.
A third man in his late twenties walked into the breakroom and could see almost visible static fling between the two.
“Um, hello!” the young man greeted meekly. He wore a clean dress shirt and tie, so others wouldn’t think he was a student. The man lifted up a small tupperware full of leftover spaghetti. Before the other two could respond to his implied question, a wave of force and sound passed through the room from down below. It did not faze the finely dress older gentleman, but the young man needed to lean on the doorframe in order to remain upright. The professor with the ponytail grumbled as he picked up his gyro from the floor and flung it into the garbage can.
“What was that?” youth asked.
“A damned physics experiment,” the sandwichless professor responded, leaving the poor guy even more confused than before he made his query.
“Golly, young people these days. There are going to take down this whole building someday,” the unfazed professor added.
“I heard they were trying to knock a hole through to another dimension. They really shouldn’t be doing those kinds of high level experiments in this building anyway. We don’t have the right kind of equipment in a liberal arts building to make it safe.”
“Um…”
“Why are you just waiting there for?” professor with the goatee pointedly asked. “It is not like you need our permission to use a microwave. We are all adults here.”
“No need to be rude, Bodo,” the bowtied elder admonished. “I am Doctor Thomas Mackey, Professor of Ancient and Classical Philosophy, and this is Doctor Bodo Stein, who is unfortunately only my colleague in the Philosophy Department.”
“I am assigned to nineteenth- and twentieth-century philosophy,” Dr. Stein added with playful annoyance at his colleague’s poor introduction of him. “We both teach Modern philosophy together - not that it matters to you.”
It didn’t.
“I am Luther…. I mean Professor Luther Wright. I am an adjunct for the accounting department. I am using one of the rooms here since there were no more available rooms in the business department for classes. You had a few leftover.”
“Yeah, a few ,” Dr. Stein muttered with a mixture of anger and despondency.
Professor Wright slid over to the microwave. The buttons had long faded away on the old thing. The accountant didn’t know the first thing he should do to get it to work.
Dr. Stein popped up next to him. “Let me help you there,” he said.
The goateed man opened the microwave and put in Wright’s food into it on his behalf. After punching in several seemingly random buttons, the good doctor hit what the accountant assumed was the start button.
Nothing happened.
“ Are you losing your touch there, old boy?” Dr. Mackey snidely questioned.
“Just a moment, old man .”
With three thumps on the top of the old machine, a light finally turned on inside the ancient relic, and the pasta, which looked disturbingly like a brain, slowly spun around on the little turntable.
“Wow!” Wright clapped his hands like a child who just saw a magic trick but then chastised himself for his juvenile display. I don’t want them thinking I am just some kid. I am a professor now.
“Yeah, I got a talent for reviving the dead,” Stein gloated with mild pride. “They say this old hunk of junk has been around since the day they built the liberal arts building. Did you know this whole building used to be dedicated to philosophy with two dozen full-time professors?”
Wright shook his head while watching his brain-like meal get cooked in the old machine. He couldn’t imagine any college or university dedicating a whole building to the antiquated and silly subject.
“They should really just replace the microwave,” Mackey commented offhandedly.
“You would like that,” the leather-clad hip professor barked back. “You just want it to die. That would be just great.”
“The thing is practically useless now. Its time has come.”
“If you had your way, we would replace it after cooked its first good meal.”
“...If there weren’t anymore meals left to cook with that machine, then what is the point of keeping it around.”
“There are obviously more meals to cook, Tommy! Look even this man is cooking a meal. We live in the modern age with meals those philosophers long dead couldn’t have even imagined.”
“Gee golly, Dr. Stein, what about all the new microwaves? Are they not more efficient? Don’t they have more functions that allow them to cook meals this one can’t? I am pretty sure Professor Wright here would have preferred a better tool to cook his meal than this old thing.”
“This one is just fine. It works and cooks all the meals we need it to.”
“It only cooks the meals we want it to as only we know how to use it. For everyone else, it is completely inaccessible with its long faded buttons and obscure inner workings.”
“Tommy, it wouldn’t be that way if you didn’t make it so technical.”
“Dr. Stein, I don’t want to be chastised about making it incomprehensible by a postmodernist .”
Luther Wright watched the exchange, swinging his head back and forth between the two philosophers as if it were a tennis match.
“Um...aren’t you talking about a microwave?” the accountant asked since they seemed content with staring at each other down again while slowly eating their food at their little lonely table. Before they could answer, the microwave beeped.
Wright removed his food and cautiously made his way to the table. He was impressed at how well cooked his brain-like pasta had come out. They really don’t make microwaves like they used to, I guess. He just arrived at the table when the whole building shook. The part-time accounting professor fell face first onto steamy hot food, screaming in pain. Then everything went white.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Changeling Enclave - Feeding Room
“Awwwww!” a changeling screamed, clearly in pain.
This prompted an entire swarm of changeling guards to rush into the room to find two very confused changelings and one hysterical changeling standing alone in a room surrounded by the chitinous corpses of their own kind. They were quickly restrained and taken to a throne room for questioning.
“So why do you find it necessary to interrupt my feeding by bringing these three nameless drones before me, Praetorian Phalanx?” a giant bug horse inquired in an nonchalant manner. Her most notable feature was the turquoise and moth-eaten mop on her head that only the brainwashed would call a mane. She curled a perforated hoof around an emaciated cat man who had the picture of abject bliss painted across his face. The tom notably wore a bright blue collar with a cute little bell on it.
“Your Majesty, these three were found in the center of what seemed to be an explosion,” the Praetorian Phalanx said, indicating the three. “Five drones were found dead next to them in the Feeding Room.”
“What says you, drones?” the largest creature in the room asked, turning her attention to tied down changelings.
“Queen Chrysalis! You are Queen Chrysalis. We are changelings. Am I dreaming?” one of the drones half-asked, half-stated.
The Queen rolled her eyes at the hysterical one and pointed at one with a stoic and analytical expression. “You in the middle, explain.”
“I don’t know what happened, ma’am.”
“That is ‘Your Majesty’ to you, drone!” the buff changeling growled with a jab of a spear.
“I mean I don’t know what happened, Your Majesty.”
The Queen smiled evilly. “Oh, you expect to tell me that you don’t know how an explosion occurred right next to you and killed five of your hatchmates?”
Before the second drone could respond, the third cut it off.
“I know what happened, Your Majesty.”
“Go on, worm, before I decide to just free your head from your shoulders so that I can get back to my lunch.” She punctuated this by pulling the cat man into her chest and draining him some more. The poor creature almost collapsed and die there. “Note that I will know the moment you lie and can force you to tell the truth if I must.”
Her eyes glowed a sinister green.
“They were experimenting with power beyond their comprehension,” the third began. “We warned them that they might cause a major accident and even take down the whole place. We were lucky not to have died.”
The room stayed quiet as the Queen stared deeply into the third changeling’s eyes.
“Your Majesty, their story checks out,” Phalanx added. “An unusual energy signature was at the explosion site.”
Her eyes stopped glowing green. She turned her attention to the guard.
“It seems your drones lack discipline, Phalanx. I can’t have them endangering the hive.”
The room became deafeningly silent for three palpable moments. The praetorian guard went bug eyed as the implication hit him.
A green aura enveloped her horn. “Would you kindly kill yourself for your gross incompetence, Praetorian Phalanx?”
The praetorian guard who had brought in the three changelings in for questioning floated up a few feet off the ground. Pink magic slowly poured out of his body and into the hungry broodmother. The syphon quickly increased in pace. When there looked to be nothing left for him to give, his body crumbled away starting from his extremities and ending with his core. His body matter all decomposed into the same pinkish energy.
The Queen licked her fangs as the pink aura that grew around her steadily turned green and then seeped into her chitin. The aura faded from her horn. The Queen dismissed her cat man consort as she no longer had any need to feed off him anymore. He slouched his way out of the room. With the dying tom gone, the Chrysalis returned her attention to the three restrained changelings.
“You three seem to have good heads on your shoulders, and I seem to be in dire need of more competent drones.”
The two of the three changelings shivered in their bindings. None of them wanted what happened to Phalanx to happen to them. The memory of his death would haunt them until they died.
The Queen’s long snake-like tongue wiped her teeth clean once more. She delighted in teasing her drones just as much as she enjoyed consuming their magical essence. Her jagged black horn once more took on a sinister green aura.
“The scouts have told me there is a kingdom with an unprecedented amount of love in it. They say it is called Equestria. Would you kindly infiltrate this pathetic nation for me? I want it as completely conquered as possible, so that by the time I am done with this place, I can waltz right in and sit on their throne like their rightful ruler that I am. You will have only three years to do this. You will have to send reports on a quarterly basis along with a thirty-five percent love tax. We wouldn’t want those back at the hive to starve would we now that the feeding room is in shambles thanks to your comrades?”
They all shook their heads in order to appease the malevolent bug equine. The three knew that the request was absurd. ‘How would they conquer an entire country in only three years? Would it even be possible?’ they all thought.
“Very good. You are dismissed. I don’t want to see you again until you are done,” she commanded and then laughed at some unsaid joke. “Oh and before I forget, if you fail my mission in anyway, would you kindly die?”
‘She must want us to become her snack when she arrives. That must be it.’
If changelings could pale, they would look like ghosts then. They looked at each other. Their blue eyes flashed green as the command embedded itself deeply into their psyches. They were completely slaves to the Queen’s whim, and they would have to dedicate their whole being and combined knowledge to the seemingly impossible task.
The remaining guards untied them and their bodies automatically began to leave the throne room. Whether it was the mind control or some memory innate to their bodies, the three found quadrupedal walking natural.
Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Outskirts
The three changelings stopped and stared at the town before them.
“Jiminy Cricket, this is some nightmare.”
“Descartes’ Demon has nothing on this kind of bullshit. Everything feels so real. I almost wonder if this is reality and my previous life was a dream.”
“...Is that you, Dr. Stein?”
“Indubitably, your esteemed professorship, Herr Doctor Thomas Mackey! For fuck’s sake, would you please stop calling me Dr. Stein? Not only have we worked together for ten years, but we’re no longer in the university. We are damn bugs in a damned alternate universe or dream and for some damned reason I can’t get it out of my damned head that I have to conquer this damned Equestria.”
The changeling version of Mackey didn’t even flinch at his colleagues outburst.
“We both worked very hard for our doctorates,” he countered. “It is just respectful to refer to each other with respect.”
“We both worked very hard? I worked hard. I grew up in East Germany. After reunification, I had to work my butt off just to follow my passions. While other students took the right to ask questions freely for granted living their happy, privileged lives, I had to risk poverty to pursue a doctorate in philosophy. If Marble were to close their philosophy department like almost all the other universities are, I would be without anything to fall back on.
“Now consider your situation. You are a yuppie born into old money. You had your whole education paid for and have a fortune to fall back onto if things goes south. That is the problem with your whole culture. Thinking is a rich man’s pastime designed specifically to be so far away from the interests of real people that the common person cannot participate in it. Not that I blame them, the jobs for the poor are designed so thoughtfulness isn’t required. It must be easy when the poor can’t afford to question why they are poor.
“You got to get your head back into the game. If I hadn’t stepped in back there and half-lied on our behalf, we would have all died. Thinking isn’t a pastime for the rich. It is what will keep us alive. So again, Get Your Head In The Game.”
Dr. Stein’s second outburst caught cut into the core of Mackey’s very being. Even the esteemed professor of classical philosophy, who had known the former communist from the German Democratic Republic for years, hadn’t expected such scathing remarks to come out of his colleague.
“It wasn’t easy for me either,” Thomas muttered. Taking a deep breath, he added more clearly: “Alright, Bodo , I admit we are in this together even if it all turns out to be a convoluted dream. We need to figure out where we are and how to get to Equestria.”
All their eyes flashed green as the imperative to conquer said country reinforced itself in their psyches.
“We are on Equus,” the third changeling answered. The other two looked at it questioningly. “Um...I am Luther Wright. The accounting professor, remember?”
They did.
“How do you know?” Bodo asked. “I don’t remember that witch saying anything about an Equus.”
“I have seen this place before,” Wright explained. “I know a lot of things about this world. For example, we are changelings and can shapeshift. Most importantly, we need to feed on love to survive.”
“So this is your dream then?” Mackey reasonably inquired.
“I don’t think so” was all the accountant could muster in response.
“You said we could shapeshift...how?”
The changeling considered the philosopher’s question. Could it be that I just need to use the magic of imagination? Thinking hard about a form, a green flame passed up its body like it were made of flash paper. In its place stood the immaculate form of Luther Wright.
The other two looked at the man and blinked.
“You just gotta use your imagination,” he said, pointing to his noodle. A particular Spongebob episode ran through said noodle when he said this.
The other two both enveloped themselves in flames and out came the old man named Thomas Mackey and a white-leather-clad Elvis Presley impersonator.
“What? Bodo?” the elder sputtered.
“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out. Thank you very much,” Bodo-Elvis replied. He then transformed into a younger version of himself. He still had the same outfit he had been wearing in the liberal arts breakroom, but his suddenly youthful face made him looked like a half-german, half-turkish version of John Lennon. “No one said we had to turn into ourselves. Oh, it is good not to have that eternal backache anymore.”
Mackey quickly followed suit and turned into his youthful self. His hands went through his short hair, which had regained its orange hue. When he was done, he stared at his hands which, once gnarled, had returned to a smooth softness reflective of his delicate upbringing.
Professor Wright watched the two as his thoughts turned inward. We can be anything…. I can be anything, really. I can even be....
“Well, I guess we need to begin to plan our plan of attack,” Bodo said.
“Righty oh, that we should. I promise to have my ‘head in the game,’ as you say.”
The two philosophers got into a discussion, utilizing all they knew about culture, economics, sociology, psychology, and politics to best satisfy the Queen’s imperative. They had no control of their actions. Wright ignored them as he worked on his own transformation. Unlike the previous ones, this time it took a full minute to complete. The philosophers didn’t even notice as they got sidetracked by the ‘‘important’’ terminological difference between ‘’knowledge is power’’ and ‘‘power-knowledge’’.
After the transformation ran its course, a dryad replaced Luther Wright. The new female was taller than the other two by more than two feet, being eight feet tall. Oak leaves in autumn hues composed her hair. Thick but short branches served as ears. Her face was angular and regal like one would imagine royalty of some distant land having. Her skin had changed to a tan resembling the color of live wood.
The dryad’s cloths were actually part of her body. She wore a light yellow fabric-like leaf as a poncho. It rolled over her new bust and tented over her waist. Dark brown pine bark covered her legs and vaguely resembled pants. She went barefoot and had talon-like roots for feet. A single Stewartstonian Azalea flower was tied to her left wrist like a bracelet. In her left hand, she held a ten foot staff. It was composed of two branches which spun around each other in a double helix fashion. A gem at it top emitted a calming green light.
In all, she was fairly bizarre by human standards, but she would be popular in the convention scene for the originality and quality of her appearance. Her beauty existed in the details as every vein in every leaf had a unique, almost hand-drawn quality to it. It wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that Luther Wright had become a kind dryad of secrets after considering all the details the transformed being had put into their appearance.
The dryad had already finished her transformation while the other two were still bickering. She had expected a reaction or at least their attention given the immensity of the change.
“Um, guys.” The dryad shivered as she adjusted to her new higher pitched voice.
“What?” Bodo asked. He tilted his head upwards at the new taller form Luther had taken. “Yeah, we can be anything. I don’t think I would go for a form that exotic though, even considering we are in wonderland now.
“Well, now that you spoken up. We need some help. Tommy here thinks we should try taking over Equestria’s educational system. I think we could try to hit a few more baskets as well. Build up an independent mercenary group and manufacture items only we know how to produce. Since you know this place, we will need to know everything you know. There might be things we can come up with due to our knowledge.”
“You aren’t surprised I am female now?”
“Are we supposed to be?” Thomas wondered. His face was mildly confused.
“But I am transgender! I always wanted to be called Autumn. This is my alter ego I created.”
‘My OC...but I would explain that to these geezers or ever admit it.’
The two old buggers looked at each other and then back to the newly dubbed Autumn. Thomas was the first to speak up.
“Autumn, think about it this way: Should we care about your gender? If not, we should just move onto our mission. If us philosophers are anything, we are reasonable. Golly, I think finding myself a shapeshifting bug is far more surprising than you being transgender, even if it ends up just being a dream.”
“More importantly, are those melons?” Bodo wondered out loud to his and everyone else’s embarrassment.
Autumn vented her annoyance at the question by growing a pinecone in her right hand and throwing it at the offending scholar. She regretted it a bit as she felt exhausted afterwards. I guess I don’t have that much magic right now. Perhaps if I feed on enough love, I can do some really powerful spells.
“Hey, hey, I didn’t mean that to be harassment. It was a legitimate biological question, seeing you are a plant girl now.”
The dryad hadn’t considered that but wasn’t going to check in front them. If she wasn’t so hard to make that pinecone, she would have tossed another one at the offending philosopher.
Holding the pinecone in his hands, Bodo considered an unspoken question, having push aside the whole embarrassing debacle. He transformed into a Mick Jagger and conjured a Fender Jaguar electric guitar. It sounded just fine to the other two when he strummed it, but Bodo-Jagger frowned in dissatisfaction. He strummed again and furrowed his brow in continued agitation at its sound.
“What’s wrong?” Thomas questioned. The rockstar professor passed the guitar to his colleague. Thomas held it for awhile. It felt just like a guitar. He plucked the strings, and they made what he thought was a normal guitar sound.
“Push your hand against the guitar a bit harder.”
Thomas complied. Holding the guitar in his right, he pushed the base of the guitar with his left. Instead of stopping, his hand just passed through the guitar.
“Jiminy Crickets.”
“Yeah, it is an illusion. I figured it out when my fingers passed through the strings. Sure, it felt mostly correct, but if you have played as long as I have, you can tell that something is off.”
Autumn stared at the guitar. “How did you make that illusion so big? Just making my pinecone exhausted me.”
Bodo-Mick stepped on her pinecone he had discarded earlier to play the guitar. The cone gave a satisfying crunch under his foot. Lifting his shoe, they all saw it had flatten on her shoe.
“I think it is because yours is real.”
“What? So I have plant powers? I am not really a dryad.”
Thomas rubbed his chin and looked at the electric guitar in his hands. Transforming into Ira Louvin, the usually calm man took the guitar by the neck, lifted it above his head, and dramatically smashed it on the rocky ground of the Minos Peninsula.
“My Fender Jaguar!” Bodo-Mick cried.
“Well, that does not prove your theory,” Thomas plainly stated, returning back to his normal form. “Bodo, my good man, it wasn’t real, so calm down.”
His words didn’t prevent the rockstar professor from crying at the very sight of the ruined instrument.
“So my pinecone is an illusion?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Thomas took the broken neck of his guitar and rubbed its jagged edge against his arm. He winced a bit but not even a scratch was left. Picking up the pinecone, he did the same thing, but this time it left a faint mark on his skin.
“So they both can cause pain like a real objects, but your pinecone can cause physical damage. Fascinating.” The monotone way he said this almost made him sound unimpressed, but Bodo knew Thomas was excited on the inside. The man almost never got this focused on anything outside his philosophy books. He only became this monotone when he in the zone and having the contemplative time of his life. It would be hard for a non-philosopher to understand. “Let us both transform into Autumn and create pinecones and see if it is related to the form.”
Bodo complied, and they both attempted to make pinecones. Bodo-Autumn was successful and didn’t get exhausted by the effort. Thomas-Autumn couldn’t even manage a bud. Taking the two pinecones, Bodo found that his still didn’t leave a scratch.
“I think this might be because we have different talents,” the real Autumn offered. “In this world, people tend to have special skills that only they possess. Perhaps only Bodo can make illusions, and because illusions are simpler than the real deal, it costs less power to make them.”
“That is a possibility, but that leaves us to figuring out the nature of your special skill and what my special skill is,” the philosopher of classical philosophy replied. The philosopher didn’t really like the change in her voice, so she returned to her old male self. Bodo, on the other hand, didn’t immediately change back. She was a bit curious after all.
The postmodernist had satisfied her curiosity quickly and discreetly while the others looked around.
“Why don’t we change into something else? I have a hunch.” Bodo-Autumn had a smirk on her face as she said this.
“Like what?”
“Well, we are in fantasy land, so why not a dragon?”
Autumn thought about it for a moment and nodded. When a small cyan dragon form appeared in her mind, she began her transformation. It took a good whole minute before it completed like that time. The other two transformed in just a second.
“Wow, we are all Ember, but...why does it take me so long to transform?”
“Can dragons here breath fire” - Autumn-Ember nodded even though this didn’t answer her question - “then let us all give it a try.”
Bodo-Ember let out a mighty fireball that harmlessly dissipated against some nearby plant life. Autumn-Ember let out a weak sputtering flame that wouldn’t have even lit a campfire. She looked pale as she almost used up the last bit of her magical reserves. Thomas-Ember couldn’t even manage that, frowning at her impotence.
“Don’t worry girl. It will come with time.” Bodo-Ember teased her older colleague. Thomas Mackey quickly turned back into his younger overdressed self. “I guess that means my hunch was correct. You, Autumn, have the power of mimicry. If the creature you turn into has a special ability you can copy it, granted you have enough power to perform it. The extra time you spend transforming might come from the fact your disguise is deeper than ours.”
The postmodernist summoned a cane with her head on it. Bodo-Ember spun it a few times and then leaned on it only to fall through it. “My illusions will feel and behave like real objects until you force them to reveal their true nature like trying to use them hold your weight. Since they are not really there, they can’t provide any real leverage. I do wonder what would happen though if I were to put more juice into it because I can already tell that I could put in a lot more power into them.”
“We should table that question for later and get Autumn some food first,” Mackey stated.
“Yeah, I am not feeling too good.”
“What was it that you said we eat again? Love?” Bodo-Ember asked. “How in the world do you eat an abstract concept?”
“I don’t know. It was never explained to me.”
“Hmmm, well, I guess we will have to find out. Autumn, since you a bunch of stuff about this Equus place, you fill us in on everything we should know. We have a mission after all.”
All their eyes flashed green once more.
As they walked, Thomas morosely thought to himself. Three years. Welp, we got to start planning right away it seems. Hopefully, our good colleague, Autumn, has enough information for us to at least get a started. Also, why do I have to be the only one who doesn’t know their special ability? I would never say this to Dr. Stein, but this really annoys me.
