Chapters Things hadn’t been bad in the last week. The customers were still coming to the pub, I was thinking about my problems, and Big Mac was officially moving to my place this weekend. Or so I thought…
"But weren’t you going to definitely settle this Saturday?" I asked my partner without understanding as he drank a pint of beer that Sunset served him.
"Eeyup, but Ah forgot to tell ya one thing, Ah’m gonna spend this weekend with mah girlfriend." Those words surprised me a lot. Ok, Big Mac and I had not seen each other for a long time, but I expected him to tell me this kind of news during the opening day of the pub.
"Do you have a girlfriend? Since when? How did you meet her? "The questions were many and I did not know which ones to start with.
"Her name’s Sugar Belle, she has a pastry shop in a nearby town, Ah met her deliverin’ apples, and we've been dating for two years." Two years out, I looked surprised as I let out a whistle, I really didn’t know if that was a long or short time; As far as I'm concerned, that was record to me.
"Congratulations, Mac, so a baker uh? Let me guess, you gave her the genre first, and then you put the eclair in her oven!" I laughed at my vulgar comment while Big Mac only looked away in embarrassment.
"Ugh, Bourbon, you're a pervert..." Sunset Shimmer mumbled on the other side of the bar while holding a tray full of empty glasses.
"Come on, Sunset, don't be such a prude!" I mocked at my scandalized waitress.
"Anyway, partner, we'll see each other when the weekend ends. See ya!" After this, Big Mac came out the door, leaving me with my daily chores.
It didn't take long until I saw another person enter the bar, a girl in this case. She wore a simple green dress that reached her knees, she had a long pink hair that hid part of her face, a clear sign of shyness, someone who doesn’t like to attract too much attention. I would recognize a girl like that for miles...
"Fluttershy! What a joy to see you!" I said happy to see her.
"Hi Bourbon... thanks, I'm glad to see you too," she replied in a soft tone. "May I have a cider, please? I mean, if it doesn’t bother you... "After all this time I was still surprised at how timid Fluttershy was.
"Whatever you wish, beautiful." After saying this she blushed. I'm not one of those who compliment the girls all the time but doing it with Fluttershy is always fun because of her shyness.
After serving her the cider she thanked me and took a sip. There was something that caught my attention, Fluttershy was quiet, more than usual, seemed somewhat restless and kept looking at the door. I was pretty sure this girl had dated with someone.
"Fluttershy, I don’t mean to be indiscreet, but have you dated someone?"
"Uhm, yes, I'm meeting an old friend..." She said.
Upon hearing this, Sunset Shimmer get involved in the conversation.
"Uh, an old friend, is someone special?" She asked mischievously.
"Uh... yeah, but you already know him Sunset." The fiery haired girl was surprised, and was about to continue with her questions, but a couple beckoning from one of the tables forced her to walk away.
The front door opened, and a rather strange guy appeared. He wore an orange suit and a matching fedora hat. However, what surprised me the most was that he went straight to where Fluttershy was...
"Fluttershy! Have you been waiting a lot?" The man asked.
"Oh no! I arrived five minutes ago!" Fluttershy replied, happy to see that guy.
I couldn’t believe it, my face at that time should be a poem. I mean, I'm not the one to judge other people's relationships, unless they ask me and pay me for it, of course; but Fluttershy would be between 26 and 28 years old, and this guy was already in his forty-something...
Was that it? Did Fluttershy have a thing on older guys?
"Oh, let me introduce you, he is Bourbon the owner of the pub. Bourbon, this is Discord, the friend of whom I spoke to you." That Discord man stretched out his hand and I shook it.
"It's a pleasure Mr. Discord." I said being nice.
"The pleasure is mine, you have a pretty nice tavern." I laughed at the compliment.
"Well hello Discord! I didn’t expect to see you around here." Said Sunset Shimmer standing beside me behind the bar.
"Fluttershy told me during our Tuesday tea party that this place was pretty good, and I decided to drop it." Discord made a move to fall off the stool, which caused a light laugh from Fluttershy and Sunset. "Excuse me one second, I have to go to the toilet, may I have a gin and tonic please?"
I pointed to Discord the direction of the toilet and stayed with Sunset and Fluttershy as I instructed the first one to prepare the drink.
"He seems... nice." I said trying to start a conversation.
"Discord is peculiar, but you get used to him, although, prepare for a lot of trolling." Said Sunset Shimmer.
"Anyway, Fluttershy, I don’t want to sound impertinent, but isn’t he a bit old for you?" After saying this Fluttershy did not seem to understand what I was saying, but a Sunset’s laugh and the sudden blush of the pink haired girl made me realize my mistake.
"Fluttershy and Discord are not dating." Said Sunset while laughing.
"Let's say that I'm like that strange uncle who embarrasses you at family dinners, but then you have a great time if you go out drinking with him." Said a voice behind me.
I turned around suddenly only to see Discord eyeing the whiskey bottles.
"What the…? What the fuck are you doing here? "I asked more confused than pissed off.
"I only looked at your whiskeys, you need more variety."
"Get the hell out of here!"
Discord returned to his place next to Fluttershy.
After my sudden surprise, I decided to start a normal conversation.
"Well Discord, and what’s your job?" I asked my new eccentric customer and put some peanuts to nibble on.
"I'm a professor of philosophy at the college, a specialist in Chaos Theory, " he said, picking up a peanut.
"Interesting. I'm a psychologist."
"Well, you must be pretty bad at it if you ended up here..." Discord said as he sipped his drink and Fluttershy laughed.
"Hey! I am here of my own free will, let's say that I feel better with the stools than with the couches." It was not the first time they commented on something like this, it seems that it was strange to all of them that I didn’t want to practice my profession... well, at least not in a conventional way.
"Hahahaha, I love this guy!" The expression on my face was undecipherable at that moment, I don't know why, but a chill ran down my back.
When I analyzed Discord more closely, I realized that I couldn't get anything out of him. He was weird yes, eccentric and he looked like he was one of those people who go against the current. But I could feel a great intelligence in him, the kind which you expect from a cold and calculating person who masks his abilities in an aura that seems to say, ‘I don’t give a fuck’.
For half an hour we were discussing philosophy, a theme that, by the way, Discord took to his field all the time...
"No, no, chaos at best can be a primordial thing, but civilization always arises throughout history to contain it." I said convinced of my argument.
"Exactly, and precisely because of this, chaos is an inevitable path, no civilization is eternal, and when it ends, chaos comes, although sometimes it needs a push for it..." Discord's approach was somewhat obscure, but I couldn’t help but see that his theory made sense.
The door of the pub was reopened, and I almost hit my head with the bar when I saw the customer who entered...
A young man in his early twenties, looking like a hipster, but without a long beard, and a haughty attitude that did him no favor.
"Hello, sis!"
"Zephyr, weren't you in a job interview?" Fluttershy asked his brother.
"Of course, and they hired me, did you think your brother is stupid?" Zephyr's comment created a rather awkward silence, as if it were necessary to answer the question. "Well, do you invite me to a beer to celebrate?"
Zephyr Breeze, Fluttershy's little brother, was not characterized by being a self-made man. He still lived with his parents and his jobs lasted no more than a week. Not that he was useless, but his fear of failure and the fact that his parents never forced him to fly out of the nest infatuated him as much as he could.
Fluttershy retired a moment and Sunset served a half pint to Zephyr.
"Well, Zephyr, and what exactly what work you took?" I asked out of curiosity.
"Well... telecommunications." He said while scratching the back of his neck and looking away. Something told me that I was lying.
"Telecommunications? You? " Discord asked puzzled. " What the hell do you know about telecommunications?"
"Well, I 'll know if I 've been hired, I'm not so useless..."
Zephyr entered the office where another man dressed on a suit, half-bald and thin-built, was waiting for him.
"Good afternoon, let me say to you that I always wanted to work on this, as a child when they asked me 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' I always said: telecommunicator. " Zephyr said, sitting in the chair facing the other man.
"Well, I like that spirit, but you will understand that before hiring you I have to do a test." Said the man.
"Sure, of course." Zephyr placed his hand imitating a phone. "Hey, you! how you don't have the report, you’re fired!" Zephyr continued with his imitations while the man looked at him weirdly. "No, don't pass me more calls! " Zephyr pretended to hang up the phone and turned to the man with a smile of satisfaction. " What do you think?"
"Eh... very funny," he replied simply. "Now seriously, talk dirty to me, let’s see if it turns me on."
After that sentence Zephyr's expression changed to concern. Fluttershy's brother discreetly approached the man's desk to make sure he heard correctly.
"Eh... sorry, what did you say?"
"Turn me on, get me horny. There are many candidates who want this position." He said like it was the most normal thing in the world. "Hurry up and talk dirty, my wife is waiting for me."
"Wow, wow, wow. " Zephyr said rising and going back slowly staring at that guy with disgust. "Look, there’s no way you can make me do that, I know that the job market is shit but I don't do these things even for work..." Zephyr got up and prepared to leave. " Well, I did it once, but even if she had more beard than you at least she was a girl."
"Hey, wait, don't get confused kid," said the guy, getting up from his chair. “Here we are looking for telemarketers for a gay hotline, didn’t they explain it to you outside?"
Zephyr's eyes widened after what he had just heard. They were looking to hire him to say obscenities to other men and get them excited.
"Oh... What did you say? A gay hotline? No... it's just that I'm not... hey I respect, but I’m not into those things. " Zephyr said without turning his back on the man as he approached the door of the office more and more.
"It’s a pity, but you could take 1100 dollars per month plus commission for each call."
Zephyr stopped short, and without flinching approached the man and said, "And when did you say I could start?"
Discord and I could not bear to laugh at the story that Zephyr Breeze told us, Sunset, on the other hand, covered her face embarrassed with a hand. Zephyr definitely was such character, but this story took the big prize.
“You’re working at a gay hotline?" I said grabbing my stomach as I laughed out loud.
"Seriously Zephyr, every time I think I can’t laugh more with you, you go and surprise me." Discord held his head almost crying with laughter.
"What are you laughing at?" Zephyr said indignantly. "It's not that bad either..."
"By the way, does Fluttershy know this?" Discord asked, wiping away a tear.
"Eh... better that she does not know it yet... Fluttershy is very impressionable." That's a cheap excuse, although I had to admit that maybe Fluttershy would faint by knowing what his brother was working on. "Anyway, I'm still saying that it's not to create so much drama, it's a job like any other!"
"Zephyr, being a waiter is a job like any other, don’t you think that's almost like prostitution?" Said Sunset getting into the conversation. "Besides, those hotlines are a fraud, they keep you on phone and they think that saying a couple of dirty words you'll reach orgasm..." We stood staring at Sunset surprised, she blushed and react inmediately. "That's what they say..."
"Hey, mind your tongue, I don’t have sex with anyone, I only create an illusion of eroticism, this is an art, a science." It seemed that Zephyr really believed what he was saying.
Suddenly his phone rang and he without further ado picked up.
"Yes? Yes, I'm totally shaved... "Everybody looked at Zephyr as if he had suddenly grown another head. "I have a sweet and soft ass... Yes, yes, all for you... Oh... yeah, ah… there you are... Look, I'm touching myself..." I don't know what was worse, the phrases or the fact that Zephyr was poking his finger in the nose while talking. "Ah... ah... AH! "Between moans and groans we did not know where to hide ourselves, we felt so embarrassed that we didn’t even notice who had come back from the toilet...
"Hi guys, sorry I took so long..." said Fluttershy returning to his place while Discord could not stand laughing and Sunset and I put our best poker face and pretended we were working.
Zephyr looked one second to her sister and came out with the only thing he could think of... "Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah!" We all startled to hear that bellow. "And that's how a rocker would yell, see you later dude."
"Look, I'm neither gay nor female, but if someone gets aroused with this guy, I'd be willing to give him therapy for free." I whispered to Sunset, who gave me the reason with a grimace.
"And what are you doing now Zephyr?" Asked Fluttershy surprised.
"Well... nothing, talking to a friend... about a concert you know?" Zephyr placed the phone on the bar and disguised everything possible. "Hey, I don't have to give you explanations of what I'm doing with my life."
Without further ado, Fluttershy's brother finished his beer, got up and left nervously, leaving his sister confused.
"What’s wrong with him?" Fluttershy asked.
"Nothing, I'm sure he's confused because maybe he has to play for the other team.” Said Discord chuckling, leaving Fluttershy even more confused.
Suddenly the cell phone that Zephyr left on the bar began to ring. I was going to take it when Fluttershy came forward, picked up the phone and sighed...
"This brother of mine... always forgetting his things." Fluttershy picked it up and a drop of cold sweat ran down my neck. "Yes?" After a silence that lasted only two seconds, Fluttershy opened her eyes wide and blushed so hard that she looked like a tomato. "Lick you what?!"
Fluttershy dropped the phone suddenly as if it were burning. "What was that?"
"Fluttershy, I don’t think we should tell you right now..." I said trying to be tactful.
"Your brother works for a gay hotline," Discord said suddenly.
"Yeah, very subtle Discord..." Added Sunset Shimmer with irony.
"My brother What??!" It was the only thing Fluttershy managed to say with his weak voice.
Fluttershy grabbed her things and left quickly.
"And they both leave without paying!" I said indignantly crossing my arms.
"Easy there, these run to my account." Discord said laughing and finishing his glass. Then he took the money out of his wallet and left it at the bar. "You know? I like you, and I like this pub, see you another day..."
Discord put on his hat and said goodbye, leaving me with an empty glass in his hand and an expression of confusion.
"Boss, are you okay?" Sunset asked me, tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention.
"Yes Sunset, it’s only that I have the strange feeling that Pandora's box has entered in my pub and I opened it without realizing..."
The next day began without any news. After breakfast I went to open the bar eager to see who wanted to visit me in the morning.
Of course, the first one to arrive was Sunset.
"Hello boss!" She greeted me.
"Hi Sunset, before you set out to serve coffee, could you give me a count of barrels of beer?" She nodded and went to the store while I waited for the customers.
Soon a client arrived, in this case a young woman. I recognized her immediately and went to the table where she sat.
"Good morning, Berry."
"Hi Bourbon." Berryshine, or Berry Punch, as we all called her, seemed downcast, well, more than usual. That girl drank for ten, but given her circumstances, one never knew if she drank for pleasure or to drown punishments.
"How are Ruby and Piña Colada?" When I asked for them daughters, I realized that if Berry was depressed it had something to do with it.
"They’re fine, I left them with my sister. But I'm very overwhelmed, if it's not them, it's the work, if it’s not, is them asshole father... "Berry sighed. The truth is that I didn’t envy her situation. Berry had her daughters at a very young age, and the father... let's say he disappeared in combat. Well not exactly, since Berry received news from him from time to time, but almost always to exchange insults.
At least the girls went well. The eldest, Piña Colada, would finish high school shortly and she will go to college. The youngest, Ruby Pinch, still had a couple of years left, but she was a pretty normal girl.
"Well, don’t worry, I have something that will cheer you up." I went to the bar and did everything I could. Coffee, whiskey, milk, cream and cinnamon. I returned to Berry's table after a while. "Here you are, a Lyrish Coffe."
"Thank you, Bourbon, you're a sweetheart." She replied with a smile. When it came to Berry Punch, it was easier to cheer her on being Bourbon Maverick the bartender than Bourbon Maverick the psychologist.
I suddenly heard the door and saw Discord entering in the pub.
"Excuse me Berry, I have customers to attend."
I went back to the bar to see Discord. I don’t know what it was that surprised me most, seeing him here so early, or that he wore a brown jacket with two different colored trousers. Fortunately, Rarity was not around to see such a crime on style.
"Well, well, look who comes back." I said sarcastically.
"Oh, I thought you'd be gladder to see me Bourbon," replied Discord sarcastically.
"Never mind, what can I get you?"
"I want a Lyrish Coffee, like the one you served to Berry Punch. "I did not bother asking how Discord knew about Berry, so I just nodded and went on to brew my quirky customer's beverage.
"Hello Discord, how goes it?" Asked Sunset who had just left the store. "Boss, there are still three barrels of Guinneighs."
"Well, I think that’s enough for the rest of the month. Thanks Sunset, I’m and glad to have you here." She answered me with a warm smile. But that did not prepare me for what came next.
Zephyr Breeze came in through the door, and from the snort that he released when he sat down on one of the bar stools, he would say he had problems.
"Bourbon, a pint of Guinneighs please," said Fluttershy's brother.
“Oh my! Zephyr, anyone would say you had a problem in the office. Have you not agreed who gives and who receives? " Discord's mockery did not seem funny to Zephyr.
"Ha ha ha, you are hilarious Discord, I don’t know how the Comedy Club does not hire you. " Zephyr replied annoyed.
"Zephyr, what's wrong with you? usually you do not usually get that dog mood." Said Sunset pointing out at the behavior of Fluttershy's brother.
"It's just... well, let's say I had a little problem..."
Zephyr was looking for his mobile phone home. Fearing the worst: that he had lost it.
"Maybe I left it in the pub..." He said out loud.
Suddenly the phone rang somewhere in the living room and Zephyr followed the sound. He found the cell phone on a table near the sofa. Without questioning how it got there, he simply picked it up.
"Welcome to your gay hotline." He said trying to mimic an answering machine. "If you get horny with the hairy ones, press 1, if you get horny with bodybuilders press 2, to hang... hang up." A voice was heard from the other side of the line, but it was not as Zephyr expected. “Pardon? Uh sorry miss, but this is only for men... ah so, you don’t care... well ok then." Zephyr changed his expression and looked visibly happy as he sat on the couch. "So… how have you behaved? Have you been a bad girl? Because if you were, I should have to whip you... I would like you to be here, to be able to touch your tits, and your thing... I'm sure that by your voice you have a good pair of melons... "
What Zephyr did not suspect is that behind him at a safe distance, was Fluttershy with a phone in his hand.
"Yes, I do, but they feel so lonely..." Fluttershy said, almost whispering and feeling dirty just for saying that.
"Oh really? Well, I would be at least half an hour with each one... working with them, I'm gonna give it to you, bitch ... " Fluttershy lowered the phone while watching his brother recreating himself as if he were the only person in the house, although he I thought so. "You don’t say anything anymore? The vicious has run out of words... come on, tell me something, tell me something bitch, tell me something..." Zephyr laughed under his breath until he received a direct response...
"Degenerate!" Yelled Fluttershy as his brother let go of the cell phone and almost fell off the couch trying to get up.
"Ah, Fluttershy? What are you doing here? Wait... sis... " Zephyr did not know where to go, so he only came up with a forward flight. "What where you doing calling hotlines? I really didn't expect this from you."
Zephyr tried to leave, but Fluttershy grabbed his arm, making it impossible for him to escape.
"Zephyr Breeze! How could you have fallen that low? " Fluttershy said more disappointed than angry. "What would mom and dad think? Do you really think this is the reason they bothered that we had an education? That you end up talking dirty to people by the phone?"
"Well... dirty... if you think a black kiss is dirty, then thank you and good night." Zephyr said to his sister trying to wriggle out. "Come on sis, that's the first serious job I have in my life..." Zephyr sat back down on the couch.
"This is what you call serious job?" Fluttershy sat down next to her brother and touched her hand. "Zephyr, you're worth a lot, you could go a long way... why are you doing this?"
"Well, for money. And I’m not bad at it you know? I could even move, there is a guy who wants to get me an apartment right next to his ministry." Fluttershy’s face was a poem. The pink haired girl stood up suddenly.
"What!? Look, I don’t care about money, like if you get paid millions. Either you leave that job, or I tell Mom about this." Fluttershy retired and left her parents' house, leaving her brother with many doubts.
"My gosh, Fluttershy really looked pissed, but I could not imagine she was that much." I said just to realize how long my tongue was.
"Oh, so you knew it."
"We all knew it, Zephyr, you left your cell phone at the bar and they called, Fluttershy picked it up and you can imagine the rest." Discord explained.
"Seriously Zephyr, what did you expect was going to happen?" Sunset asked as she poured the beer to Zephyr.
"I don’t know... I expected to keep it a secret." Zephyr gulped down his beer. "Now I'm going to have to give it up. Hey Bourbon, do you know how much unemployment benefit you can get for two days of work?"
With that question Discord just laughed and I headed to another customer who asked me for a beer.
After thinking about it for a while Zephyr decided not to leave the job. His argument was that he was too well paid to let his sister get in the way, so he decided to hide it. I kept wanting to tell him that if it didn’t work for him the first time, the next one could hardly work, but hey, that's his problem, not mine.
With what I did not count on was the person who suddenly appeared and sat down in front of the bar almost automatically.
"Big Mac?" I asked surprised to see my friend and roommate back. "Aren't you supposed to stay out all weekend?"
"Eeyup." He replied as laconically as usual.
"So, what are you doing here?"
"It's hard to explain." He avoided eye contact, his voice was muffled, and his shoulders were drooping... Definitely, Big Macintosh got some very bad news.
"Come on, big guy, I'm sure it's not a big deal." Discord mentioned, trying to detract from the matter.
"Yeah, come on Big Mac, you can tell us," Zephyr said.
"Really?" Mac looked like he was going to start talking, but then he closed again in band. "Ah don’t know, is that... Ah don’t know how to explain it"
Big Mac ducked his head hitting the forehead to the bar. Without him noticing, Zephyr's phone rang, and he picked up.
"Tell me, I'm listening ..." Zephyr said on the phone, however, Big Mac thought he was telling him...
"Sugar Belle has broken up with me, what am I going to do now?" Before that revelation, Discord and I were stunned without knowing what to say. Unfortunately, the one who did say something was Zephyr, although it had nothing to do with our conversation.
"Well, you can think of me naked and rub your dick slowly..." I facepalmed after witnessing such a bum and Big Mac lifted his face from the bar just to look at Zephyr indignantly.
"Zephyr, what the fuck, man!" He shouted.
Zephyr Breeze told Big Mac to shut up while talking on the phone and continued despite the indignant expression that the eldest of the Apple brothers had. "Oh yes, there, there, yes, YES! Shh, your time is over, thanks for your call... "After a really bad impression of an answering machine, Zephyr went back to the Macintosh. "Let's see, I'm losing money, what did you say Big Mac?"
"Zephyr, shut the fuck up!" I snapped at this nonsense. "Mac, what do you mean Sugar Belle has broken up with you?"
"Ah don’t know, Ah went to see her as Ah told y’all, things were not good lately, and today she started to say things like ‘Big Mac, it’s not you, it’s me? What the hell does it means!? Or ‘I’ll never be able to find someone like you’; if that’s true why are you breaking up with me? Or ‘Life will bring us together again’ Then don’t leave me right now..." Something doesn’t feel right to me.
"Just like that?" Discord asked.
"Eeyup."
"Big Mac buddy, I hate being that direct, but I think that’s bullshit..." I said.
“Bullshit?”
“Bullshit.” I replied again.
“Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit… I love that word.” Said Discord out of nowhere. “Seriously, if someday I have a daughter, I’ll call her like that.”
“My gosh… I feel sorry for your child’s future mother.” I said.
"No, it can’t be. There has to be something else." Big Mac said. Deep down I could see we all thought the same thing, but Big Mac was entering in the phase of denial.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Asked Sunset Shimmer leaving the tray in the bar.
"Big Macintosh’s girl broke up with him, and he doesn’t know why." Discord explained.
"Oh wow, I'm sorry Big Mac, didn’t she tell you her reasons?" Asked Sunset.
"Nope."
"Well, you have to demand answers," said Sunset.
"You see Sunset, I don't think it's that simple..." I tried to get into the conversation, but the girl with fiery hair cut me off.
"You have to be more assertive. Ask Sugar Belle directly why she left you and if there is a possibility to fix it ... come on, you can’t let your relationship end like this."
"Eeeyup." Big Mac stood up. "Ah'm going to see Sugar Belle and ask her for explanations. And Ah’ll not leave until Ah'm convinced."
We encouraged Big Mac, but once he left the pub, we looked at each other as if we had started a bomb.
"Sunset, do you really think Big Mac is doing the right thing?" I asked.
"I bet 20 bucks that Sugar Belle has a lover," said Discord.
"I'll bet 20 that she doesn’t." Zephyr said.
"Well, I don’t think so," said Sunset. "I bet 20 dollars that Sugar Belle was just stressed and, in the end reconciled."
"Are you seriously betting on that?" I asked almost without believing what I saw... Although... "I bet 30 bucks for the lover."
The afternoon continued quiet, and I was even glad when I received a visit from Lyra. We could talk about our things taking a couple of pints of Guinneighs. It turns out that she and Sweetie Drops also lived in my block.
A man came in and greeted Zephyr Breeze. He came over and handed him a new cell phone. I deduced at that moment that it was Zephyr’s boss.
"Zephyr, here's your new phone, with this you can make videocalls, so I hope you have wigs." Zephyr's boss said after handing him his cell phone.
"Thank you very much, could you leave now? Is that my sister usually comes a lot here and I would not like her to tell my parents that I work in this."
"Oh, you live with your parents. Damn, you remind me of me when I started this, and now look at me, with two chalets and my mother's ashes in a Ming vase." What the hell? But, how much does this guy make?
"Seriously? Because all I get out of all this is a heat and a crisis of sexual identity that you can’t imagine. " Zephyr said.
"You have much left to learn Zephyr Breeze, I could give you a couple of tips and you'll enrich yourself."
"Awesome! Bourbon, bring my boss a beer, we’ve got a lot to talk about."
Zephyr and his boss chatted for a while about the work while they drank some beers. Several techniques for the client to remain stuck on the phone. To me this kind of things have always seemed like a scam and I was not able to understand how someone was able to leave the money in it.
"And always remember that, in this business, a stuttering customer is a VIP customer." Said the boss. "I'm going to the toilet for a second." Zephyr's boss withdrew and he seemed quite animated.
"Yay! This is gonna be awesome." Zephyr said confidently.
"And don’t you think your sister could end up catching you?" I went back to the problem with Fluttershy.
"Come on, Bourbon, unless you say something, she doesn’t have to know anything, how is she going to find out?"
"I don’t know, try to ask her." I said as I watched Fluttershy enter in the pub with Rainbow Dash before Zephyr's astonished gaze.
"Flutters! What are you doing here?" Zephyr asked nervously.
"Well, we wanted to drink something, and this is the closest pub to home. Zephyr, you're acting weird "said Fluttershy.
"You say more than usual?" Rainbow Dash asked sarcastically.
"How funny you are Rainbows, if you wanted a date with me you didn’t need to bring my sister with you." Rainbow looked annoyed and went to a table waiting to be served by Sunset. The truth is that as far as I remembered Zephyr had always tried to link to Dash, with pathetic results... I think some things will never change.
"Zephyr, tell me one thing, have you really quit your job?" Fluttershy began to question her brother. "You won’t be lying to me, right?"
I didn’t know what kind of excuse Zephyr would invent, he just ran one hand over his sister's shoulders and while he spoke, he gestured with his other hand.
"No sis, I called them and said, ‘You are degenerates and perverts.’ If I even told them to get their work in the ass, although maybe for these people that would be a compliment..." Unfortunately, I couldn’t warn to Zephyr that his boss had already left the toilet and stood behind him listening to absolutely everything he said. Lyra meanwhile was laughing softly muttering something to Discord.
"Well, I'm going with Rainbow Dash, Bourbon, can you give me a soda when you can? Please." I raised my thumb and went for the soda, but before, I could delight with Zephyr, who turned around and almost jump out of shock when he saw his boss behind.
"I had to tell you to come with me for the mobile phone charger, it will be better if you give it back to me."
"But... without a phone I can’t work," Zephyr said almost whispering in his ear and pulling the phone out of his pants pocket.
"Wonderful, you get that straight. And save the jokes…" The boss took the phone from Zephyr's hands and walked out the door without saying anything despite Zeph's pleas.
"Fuck, it looks like someone jinxed me!" He said sitting down at the bar again. "Fired right now, when I only needed twenty-eight days to collect my first salary."
"Holy shit Zephyr, I could write a book with you: How to screw it up in less than three days. " Discord said while the others laughed, and Zephyr made a face of displeasure.
I went to Fluttershy's table with the soda and chatted for a while with her and with Rainbow Dash. It turns out that she is now living in my same block with Scootaloo, that girl that was so close to Applejack’s sister, Applebloom, and Rarity’s, Sweetie Belle; and who always considered Dash as the older sister she never had.
The door rang and Big Mac appeared... This time it did not seem sad or confused, but angry... I mean, really pissed off...
"Big Mac, what happened?" I asked approaching him.
"Sugar Belle is with another... SHE’S WITH ANOTHER!" That scream was heard throughout the bar.
"How did you say?" Sunset Shimmer asked.
"Ah went to ask her for explanations as y’all said, and Ah found her with a motherfucker from her town sucking cider from her tit, Sweet Apple Acres’ cider, the same that I sold to him!"
"Uh kinky, I love that," Lyra said suddenly catching our attention for a second and creating an uncomfortable silence.
"Let’s pretend that nothing happened." Discord said and with his hand indicated Big Mac to continue.
"The worst thing is that it comes from long ago, and I, like an imbecile, gave that bastard a discount because he bought me a lot o’ cider." Poor Big Mac. Looks like It never rains but it pours for him.
"Really? Dammit!” Zephyr suddenly said giving himself a slap of frustration in the leg. "Now I have to pay these two 20 bucks..." Zephyr got up from the stool and went to Fluttershy. "Hey sis, can you lend me 20 dollars? "
Luckily Big Mac seemed to ignore the fact of our little bet.
"Ah can’t believe it..." Definitely the oldest of the Apple brothers was really fucked up. "How could she do this to me?"
At that moment, I did the only thing the only thing that crossed my mind, I pat my friend on the back. I recognized it, for being a psychologist, I'm very bad at cheering up people.
"Come on Big Mac, I know what we're going to do. We’re going to go to my apartment, and you’ll finish installing yourself, and tomorrow you’ll take charge of the store and place you thoughts in order."
"Eeyup." He said.
"Perfect! Sunset, take care of the pub while I'm out please." I said to Sunset.
"Sure boss, see you later."
Big Mac and I went to my apartment. The good thing about having the job so close to home is that you have to be very dizzy to be late, although in the end that didn’t matter to me since one of the advantages of having a business is that you are your own boss.
My house was on the 5th floor, and while we were going up, I was explaining to Big Mac the neighbors we had. Lyra and Bon Bon lived in the first, as well as Berry Punch, their daughters Piña and Ruby, and Berry’s sister Cherry. In the second floor, Rainbow Dash lived with Scootaloo, and in another apartment Fluttershy lived alone with a bunny named angel. Finally, it is nice to know that as neighbors on the same floor we had Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle that shared an apartment not in. There were more neighbours but I didn't want to loose time by now.
We entered my apartment, nothing out of the ordinary; two rooms, kitchen, living room and dining room in the same space, and the bathroom.
Big Mac sat on the couch, or should I say that he let himself fall into it. He did not seem to be willing to talk much, so I simply indicated his room and left back to the bar.
This way of acting was quite normal in these cases. When Big Mac is willing to talk, he will speak.
The next day there was not much news, Big Mac went to the store and I saw something livelier, or so it seemed. At the bar, Zephyr was having a coffee, which he had miraculously paid for with his money.
"Tell me Zephyr, are you already recovering from the erotic line?" I asked
"Yes, the truth is that it was a nice job, but it didn’t compensate me to have Fluttershy all day attached to me."
"If that's who's thinking... Zephyr you're already an age," Sunset Shimmer said as she cleaned a pint glass.
"Hey, that was serious, but it doesn’t matter, this has served as an experience and I am now with my own business..." wait a minute, what?
"Zephyr, what business are you talking about?" I asked with some fear of the answer.
Zephyr’s phone rang and pointed out Sunset and me that we were attentive as he picked up.
"Tarot of love, tell me." You can’t be serious... the only thing I managed to do was facepalmed again. "Yes, let me guess, you have love problems..." While watching at that circus, I was asking myself, are there really so many people who believe this bullshit?
"Eeyup." They answered on the other line, no, tell me not please... "Mah girlfriend cheating on me and broke up with me. The truth is that Ah’m destroyed."
Sunset and I looked at each other, worried about how low Big Macintosh was falling.
"Let's see the cards to see what they say." Bullshit cards… Zephyr simply picked up his coffee cup and gulped. "The queen of hearts tells me there is infidelity, and... the king of clubs tells me that you are very bad."
"Eeyup... well this tells me that you’re fucking lying... this is one of those lines that charge you and leave you waiting Ah’m o’ right?" Looks like he hit the spot. Zephyr became nervous and came out with the first thing his crazy brain came up with.
"One moment please, don’t hang up..." Without warning Zephyr began to hum Bethoveen's Für Elise .
I was really wishing to split Zephyr’s head off and end with his bullshit, but Big Mac needed me more, so I took off my black apron and left the bar.
"Sunset, watch the pub please, I have to go to Big Mac’s store and avoid him to spend all of his money."
I headed towards the store. This was definitely going to be really hard...
I should stop drinking while I’m at work, in the end I always wake up with a hangover and asking for someone to kill me. Fortunately, today, I didn’t have to receive the delivery guy, so I was able to get up a little later.
With the rays of sunlight coming through the curtains of my room, I started to open my eyes and I got up from the bed still with a headache and the taste of cardboard in my mouth. Rubbing my eyes, I went out to the living room just to see Big Mac flicking pictures of his ex-girlfriend on the phone.
"Big Mac, what the hell are you doing man?"
"Nothin’, I just looked at the last pictures we took together." Big Mac had a sad look, you could tell he had cried not long ago.
"Look, bro, you can’t go on like this." I said as I took the phone away from him and went to the fridge to get some orange juice. "I tell you as a psychologist and as a friend, if you don’t stop watching those photos you will feel worse. It’s as if you quit smoking and you spend your time smelling tobacco smoke."
Big Mac simply looked away, head down.
"Listen, take a shower, go open the store and then come to the pub for a coffee or whatever you want, I'll invite you." It was the least I could do for him, maybe in between friends he could disconnect a little more.
After a while, I got dressed too and went to open the pub. Although I wasn’t very glad after having seen ten missed calls from Sunset Shimmer on my phone. There I found her, waiting next to the door resting on one of the windows; she looked a little bit angry.
"Where the hell have you been?!" She yelled at me, making my head boom as if I had been used to hit a gong.
"Sunset, don’t yell at me so loudly, I still have a hangover..."
"Oh sure, cause it's very nice to drink like a Cossack while we work." I didn’t have much humor for sarcasm, so I just took the keys out of my pocket and opened the door.
"Don’t be like that Sunset, you look like my mother..."
Sunset went to the private room to put on his work clothes and meanwhile I tied my apron and prepared the tables. It didn’t take much more than an hour until the customers began to arrive. The one that really caught my attention was a man dressed in a nice suit and a gold watch that shone brighter than all the lamps in the pub.
"Filthy Rich, what are you doing in my humble pub? "I asked the man.
"I’d heard about this pub in the vicinity and wanted to stop by and see what it was like. May I have a vermouth, please?"
"Ten four sir." I went for a bottle of my best vermouth, I doubt that Rich at this moment worries more about the price than the quality of the product.
Filthy Rich was, without a doubt, one of the richest men in Canterlot. He owned several businesses and other properties, and always knew how to invest his money well. The funny thing is that his wealth came mainly from the business his grandfather got with the Apple family, so yes, Filthy Rich had humble origins.
"Here it is, your vermouth, sir." I said as I served him the brew.
"Thank you very much, by the way, Bourbon, do you know what's wrong with Big Mac?" Wow, this was new, why was Filthy Rich interested?
"Uhm... and why are you interested?"
"You see, he rented me an empty place near here to open a store with products from his farm, but today when I went to see how his work was going, he was off and quieter than usual..." It seemed that Rich's concern was honest, I didn’t see why not explain it to her.
"Well, it turns out he recently found out that his girlfriend was infidel to him, and of course, Mac is pretty fucked up right now."
"Wow, I know how he feels... my ex-wife was a bitch and she cheated on me too... several times." He said as he took a sip of the vermouth. "Fortunately, I signed a separation of assets in the past, if I wouldn’t she’d have taken me even the organs." Looks like this kind of things also happened to the rich people. I began to think if it happens even more to them than the rest of the mortals.
"Wow, I'm sorry, Mr. Rich."
"Don’t be so sorry kid, my ex was a selfish snob, I think deep down she never liked the fact that my family came from a humble origin. Anyway, I just hope that Big Mac recovers; if his business doesn’t prosper, I won’t charge my rent." Wow... so not all was selfless concern. Anyway, I couldn’t blame Filthy Rich for thinking like that, after all, he was a businessman, and as such he had to watch over his interests.
"Good morning my little drunks." Discord made his entrance as usual.
"Hey Discord, don’t you have work to do, at all?" I asked, surprised to see him so many times in the pub.
"Of course I have! But in my position, I can do work anywhere I want, and the truth is that your pub is a mine to study Chaos theory." Dammit, at the end I was right, and I opened Pandora's Box without noticing it. “Oh my, Filthy Rich, long time no see."
"Hi Discord, I see you're still..." Rich didn’t seem to find the words. "As interesting as always."
"Yes, I try." replied Discord sarcastically.
After serving a coffee to Discord and Rich finished his vermouth, the latter got up, looked at his watch and said goodbye.
"I'm leaving guys, I promised Diamond Tiara that I would take her out to a restaurant today. See you next time.” I dismissed Filthy Rich while washing a glass, and when he went to open the door he ran into Big Mac. "Big Mac, my boy, I'm sorry about your ex-girlfriend, here I am if you need something."
Now, after giving him a pat on the back, Rich left, and Big Mac sat in front of the bar. Instead of coffee I decided to serve him a beer.
"Big Mac, how are you?" Asked Sunset approaching after attending to a few customers at a table.
"Well... fine I guess, it is a shitty situation... it happens that you feel a little lonely, and... eeyup, you become a little bitter... and start to think you won’t be happy again in yer fuckin’ life..." Big Mac began to mourn and Sunset decided to give him a hug.
"Come on, Mac, don’t fall apart, you’ll get over it." She said.
"Come on Big Mac, you cannot go on like this, this is affecting us all," I said. "Specially me, do you think I like to be listening to you saying 'why Sugar Belle?' Everyday?"
"Bourbon, don’t be insensitive, I'd like to see you in his situation." Sunset Shimmer told me. Oh, if only she knew...
“Hey... Discord, please help us." I said to the quirky philosopher, though to be true, something told me I was going to regret this.
"Look Mac, listen to me." Discord caught Big Mac's attention and he looked into his eyes. "Sugar Belle is banging another guy and she doesn’t love you." Fucking great... After this Big Mac broke down again to mourn while Sunset and I looked at Discord reproachfully. "What? What have I said? Maybe I’ve said something silly and Sugar Belle is not being stuffed like a turkey."
After that last comment Big Mac tried to hit Discord, but Sunset stopped him in time.
"Holly shit Discord! We’re trying to help! " I screamed in frustration.
"Well, maybe you’ve got the title in psychology, but I can’t see any progress. Look Mac, I still remember the last words my father said to me 'Son, women are like golf, when you've finished with one hole, go for the next one.' " I hated to admit it, but maybe Discord was right despite of that sexist comment.
"And you're surprised that your wife asked you for divorce?" Said Sunset going back behind the bar.
"No Sunset, I think Discord is right. Big Mac, you have to hang out and flirt with one girl." I said convinced.
"Of course," Discord said, agreeing with me. "For cases like yours, a good shooting is recommended, leg here, leg there ..." Discord opened his legs imitating a gunslinger... or something like that. "And then, bang bang! "
"Nope." Big Mac replied. "I think being alone is what I need."
"For what? To keep lamenting yourself while you're watching Sugar Belle’s photos?" At this comment Big Mac was silent.
"Look Macintosh, stop foolishness, what you have to do is go out, and get rid of all that rancor... well, and not only the rancor," said Discord smirking.
Big Mac was thinking. "Well, hangin' out a little doesn’t hurt anyone."
"That's the spirit! Your laconic way of speaking doesn’t deceive us, we know you're a funny guy. "I said to encourage Mac.
"Eeyup." He finally answered with a smile.
"Well of course! There are a lot of fillies out there who are waiting for us to ride them." Said Discord, and then he made as if he were waving a whip.
"Eeyup! Let them prepare, 'cause this lone ranger will soon be a ranger... "Big Mac raised his finger and thought about how to finish the sentence while we watched expectantly. "Ranger with filly!"
Then we started yelling like cowboys while we waved our hands pretending, we had guns or Discord pretended to ride a horse from his stool. Although Big Mac left to go back to his store, we stayed like that until Sunset stared at us with a face that said: "Seriously?"
"Did you finish?" She asked as we stopped playing fool. "Well, come on, boss, those over there in that table have asked for three pints of Guinneighs."
And back to work, sometimes I wonder who’s the boss here...
That same night I left Sunset in charge of the pub. Although she didn’t like me to run away from job, she knew I was doing it for helping Big Mac, and I think she appreciated the vote of confidence to her.
We enter in a nightclub, while dancing a little to the music.
"Seriously, I don’t know what I’m doin’ here..." Big Mac protested. "I’m not especially good at flirtin’, specially with these gals, they’re at mah sister Applebloom's age."
"Come on Big Mac, you worth a lot," I said trying to cheer him up. "Look, why don’t you try with those chicks over there?" I pointed to a couple of girls who chatted quietly. "Come on, that sure goes well."
"Eeyup."
Without further ado Big Mac approached the two girls who looked at him strangely. There goes the quiet and shy Big Mac.
"Excuse me, what time is it? Ups, I’ve already got a watch... it's 10 o'clock, thanks, bye." Big Mac withdrew, ducking his head embarrassed and came back with us.
"Well, Big Mac, to start with, it was... a start." Discord said, playing things down. "Besides, I'm sure they’re lesbians, they didn’t even stare at me."
We sat on empty sofas while our farmer friend grew increasingly nervous.
"Nope... I'm too sober to handle this, I'm out." Big Mac made a move to leave, but suddenly stopped when a waitress, quite attractive, by the way, with a nice red mane and very pretty, came to take our orders.
"Hello, what can I get you?" She asked with a sweet voice.
"For me a bourbon with cola." I looked at Discord who indicated two. "Two, or maybe three, you want one Big Mac?"
"Nope. I prefer a bottle o’ cider, please, when ya can."
"Wow, such a gentleman, in a minute handsome." The waitress withdrew leaving us surprised at the compliment she told Big Mac.
"Have you heard? She called me handsome, to me." Mac's mood had changed suddenly. "Guys, I'd give y’all a kiss, but better not, let’s not confusing the gal."
"Look at him, the one who said he didn’t flirt." Said Discord, taking Big Mac by the shoulder.
"Mac, you already have it done, now you just have to go there, be a gentleman, hold her hand softly, and in no time at all, you’ll get her cleaning your saber." I was sure that Mac got it, he must be very clumsy to fail.
"Well... don’t be rush, I don’t know if it will be that easy... but hey! She was the one who came here... even though it's because she's the waitress..." Suddenly, the shy Big Mac came back. If we wanted this to happen, we would have to throw some wood on the fire.
"Alright, Big Mac, leave it to me, I have an infallible trick, let me say to her 'I have a friend who is very bad...' and you'll see how that works for you," I said, convinced. "Trust me, tonight you sleep accompanied as my name is Bourbon Maverick."
I got up and went to the bar to see the waitress. I called your attention.
"Hello beautiful, look, I’ve got to say that my friend really likes you.” She looked at me with a half-smile. "What happens is that he is very shy and just broke up with his girlfriend..."
"Oh yeah? How cute, a friend he says... tell me, did you break up recently? "At that I was surprised, the girl was confused.
"Eh... no, I think there’s a mistake, you’ll see..." I was speechless when she touched my hand gently with hers. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I follow her game. "You can see it on my face, right? It's just... it's not easy, you feel a little lonely and... well, what am I going to tell you?"
The girl smirked at me, grabbed my hand and discreetly took me to the storage room…
About forty minutes later, we got out of there. The waitress adjusted her skirt and I went dissimulating where Discord and Big Mac were. I had a mixture of awareness and post-coital satisfaction, and I debated with myself what I was going to say to my friends.
"What took ya so long? Tell me, what did she say? Did you prepare the ground for me? "Big Mac asked.
"Well... yes, you could say that I let the field well ploughed..." I prayed that Big Mac didn't look for double meaning to that phrase. "Her name’s Melon Mint, by the way."
"Eeyup, I'll go talk to her." What?!
"Eh, no, wait! It’s not that easy Mac…" I didn’t know what to make up so that Big Mac was not with her. Fortunately, I was saved by the bell. "Hello? Sunset! Okay, don’t worry we'll go in a little while." I hung up the phone.
"Is there something wrong?" Discord asked.
"It was Sunset, it looks like she's overflowing tonight. Hey, why don’t we go back to the pub and I invite you a beer or whatever there?" Big Mac didn’t seem very pleased about that, but I had to convince him yes or yes. "Come on Big Mac, you can come here another day."
It seems that my strategy worked, since we left, and I was able to breathe easily.
During the next day I couldn’t stop thinking about last night. Mainly because of my guilty conscience. I really don’t know what happened to me, although I guess it would be due to the time I hadn’t been with a woman. On the other hand, I shouldn’t feel like that, I mean, Big Mac wasn’t dating with that girl at all... But of course, she was the girl that my friend liked, and as much as I tried to make excuses, what I did was wrong.
I was at the pub's door, leaning against one of the windows, smoking a cigarette and trying to disconnect. While I was lost in my thoughts, a high-pitched voice brought me back to the real world.
"Hi Bourbon." I turned to see who it was and smiled at seeing a blonde girl in a messenger suit and squint in her yellow eyes.
"Hello Derpy! How are you doing?"
"Well, I'm not complaining, I'm bringing you a package." She said, showing me a cardboard box. "I couldn’t find you at home, so they told me to come here."
"Derpy, I'm always in the pub at this hour." I said laughing, the truth is that she was clueless, but always looking to complete her work no matter what.
Derpy was a very peculiar girl, and not for bad. She could be as cute as Fluttershy herself, and if you needed support, she was always willing to help. In that sense I could say that he was as loyal as Rainbow Dash.
"By the way, how about Dinky? And do you know something about Turner?" Turner was Derpy's life-long boyfriend, shortly after finishing high school she got pregnant and gave birth to Dinky, a girl as adorable as her mother. Turner worked a lot of time abroad and that's why he barely stopped at home.
"Turner is fine, he's still working outside, although I don’t know when he'll be back." She said with a somewhat embarrassed expression. "And Dinky... Damn it, Dinky!" She screamed in fright, which aggravated her strabismus. "I got to go, I have to pick her up from her private classes. See you Bourbon!"
After saying goodbye with my hand, I could not help but smile sideways. She'll never change...
Returning to my cigarette and my thoughts, I thought I could relax seeing what the package contained. When suddenly, while exhaling the smoke of the tobacco, someone blew his breath in my ear making me almost jump out of fright...
"Big Mac! What the fuck?" I said coughing.
"Do ya like it?" He said, showing a spray for bad breath. "It's for Melon Mint, you know... "
"What are you talking about? Melon Mint’s breath smells great." I said without thinking. Shit…
"What?" Mac asked surprised.
“I mean...Who's Melon Mint?" I asked playing dumb.
"Bourbon, stop drinking... Melon Mint is that waitress we met yesterday. I thought about invitin' her to a drink." Big Mac said, but suddenly he began with his doubts. "But, being a waitress, drinks will come out for free to her, so she would invite me, and she might think I’m a scrounger..."
"Big Mac, don't be an idiot, besides I don’t know if that girl is for you..." I wanted to dissuade him anyhow. "Because... she works at night, and you during the day... I don’t know, maybe you would be better with a supermarket cashier, you have similar schedules and you can talk about prices and stuff..." I can’t believe that I said that bullshit.
"Hey, what's wrong with ya? You're acting very weird Bourbon... Yesterday you encourage me to try it, today you tell me to forget her." He said, looking surprised. "Wait... I know what’s goin’on..." Shit, he caught me. "You want to steal her from me. Well then, let’s see who hook her up before." Really Mac? If you only knew... anyway that allowed me to make a headlong rush.
"What? Are you implying that Bourbon, your friend, almost your brother, your comrade, wants to steal a girl from you? Please Mac... Maybe when we were kids, I stole some cider from your cellar, but a gal..." My gosh, how can I be so hypocrite? I suddenly had the need to take a shower because I felt dirty.
"Well, I don’t know, sorry, I feel a bit insecure..."
"Yeah, you apologize now... but the damage has been done. To think that I could be with that girl, in that storage room, so dark with the bottles sticking in your back..." Shut up you idiot! Remember Bourbon, excusatio non petita accusatio manifesta . Big Mac looked at me weird again... I had to act fast so he wouldn’t be suspicious. "Well, I forgive you... but I don’t forget."
To my bad luck, I looked over Big Mac's shoulder and saw Melon Mint... Okay I called her to talk, but did she have to be so timely?
"Or what the fuck? I also forget Mac. I'm not spiteful... " I hugged Big Mac so he would not see that behind him was the girl he liked. "Come on in, go into the pub, you crazy farmer." I almost pushed Mac into the pub and ran to where Melon was.
"Hi Melon, you arrived so soon." I said still in tension. "Look, I called you because what happened yesterday wasn’t good... well, it was fucking awesome, especially the second... but there can't be a third one; not because I can’t, you know I can handle three or four..." I was already digressing again. Focus on Bourbon! "I tell you this for my friend, he feels really bad, seriously..."
Melon Mint looked at me as if I had said a nonsense. "Again, with the colleague's trick?"
"No! No, it's real. This guy broke up recently with his girlfriend and he's off, he is totally ground down."
"Oh, I understand him, it’s awful..." She said biting a fingernail.
"But since the time he saw you... he's another man, he says he has butterflies in his stomach." It seemed like I was fixing it, since the girl smiled tenderly.
"Aw that’s so cute, and who's your friend you said?" She asked to me and I told her to look at the pub.
"Look, do you see through that window?" I pointed to the window, where she could see Big Mac with Discord. "That one who looks like he's desperate."
I would have stayed to watch, but suddenly I received a message from Derpy. Apparently, she had made a mistake with the package and wanted to give it back mine's. Well, I had already done my part, what could go wrong?
Meanwhile, in the pub:
"Hey Discord, is that Melon Mint talking to Bourbon? " Discord looked and nodded. "Shit. Hide me! "
Big Mac ducked behind Discord and he smiled at Melon and Bourbon while Big Mac tried to apply some breath spray, with such bad luck that he spayed it to his eye.
With a stinging eye, Big Mac got up and collided with a man who spilled some beer on his shirt.
"Great... Now I must change mah clothes..." Big Mac ran out of the pub without realizing that Melon Mint was entering.
The waitress approached slowly to Discord who was quiet drinking a beer and reading a book about nihilism.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," said Discord, returning the greeting.
"I've been talking to Bourbon and he already told me. How are those moods going?" Melon asked, to which Discord looked at her surprised, not understanding the question.
"Uh? Fine I guess... here, reading and so..." He replied simply.
Melon Mint looked to the side, it seemed that this man didn't open himself...
"Come on, don’t hide it... Bourbon has already told me about butterflies in your stomach."
"No, no... when I was a child, I had pinworms in the ass, but butterflies..." Melon looked disgusted at that comment. "Oh! You talk about falling in love." Discord said understanding the misunderstanding. "No, that’s a friend of mine."
"My, my, another shy guy, how cute." Melon's tone of voice switched to a more seductive one while showing her bare shoulder. "But don’t be shy, you can talk to me if you want..."
Melon Mint placed her hand gently on Discord’s, and he looked her in the eyes, changing his expression to a more mischievous one.
"Okay, okay you got me," he said smiling mischievously. "You've noticed the shine in my eyes, right?"
After several minutes in the toilet, Melon Mint came out first adjusting her skirt and then Discord tucking her shirt inside her pants. Melon Mint smiled at Discord and left the pub. The chaotic philosopher took the opportunity to make the sign of victory with both hands and then put on his jacket.
Once in his place, he smiled satisfied and gave a drink to his beer.
Big Mac came back while Discord was drinking, he wore a clean new shirt and was visibly excited.
"Tell me, where's mah nymph?" Big Mac asked excitedly. "Don’t tell me, I'm sure she's in the toilet making up for me."
The look that Discord gave to Big Mac was... difficult to decipher.
"Hold on a sec..." Said Big Mac closing his eyes and placing a pair of fingers on his temple. "Discord, tell me you didn’t…"
Discord made a nervous smile while Big Mac looked at him angrily. "Well... I didn’t want to, but you know how I am..."
"Eeyup... I knew it. You always thinkin’ bout yourself. I'm sure you made one of yours and she left because she couldn’t stand you."
"Eh? hey, no... I did everything I could, but she insisted on coming, I mean go... twice." Discord almost screwed it up, but Big Mac apparently did not notice.
"Sorry Discord... with everything y’all are doing for me," Big Mac said putting a hand on the philosopher's shoulder. "Who knows what would have happened if I had just approached her the first day... To think that mah friends were going to fuck me." Big Mac embraced Discord and he corresponded, though making a worried frown that Big Mac could not see.
Poor Derpy, she's a good girl, but very clueless. My package turned out to be a bottle of mezcal sent to me by a friend who was in Mexicolt. When I arrived at the pub, I was so excited that I didn’t even notice that Sunset was asking me where I had been.
There was no sign of either Big Mac nor Discord, and the few remaining customers were leaving. I gave Sunset permission to go to her home, so I stayed alone in the pub. I thought about putting the 'CLOSED' sign and enjoying a couple of shots in solitude, but at that moment Berry Punch came through the door.
"Sorry Bourbon, I didn’t know you were closed." He said not seeing anyone inside.
"No, wait Berry, come in." She came in and sat across from me on a stool. "How was your day?"
"Stressed... at least I left the girls with my sister. Do you have some strong stuff?" Berry looked certainly pissed off; She had bags in her eyes, her hair was a little uncared, and she had an expression of not having a good rest in days.
"Look, a friend who's in Mexicolt sent me this bottle of mezcal, do you want some?" I asked as I showed her the bottle with the worm lying in the bottom.
"Oh no, it’s a present for you, it doesn’t seem right." She said.
"Bullshit, why do I need a strong drink if I can’t share it with my friends?" Berry smiled at that gesture and I went for two shot glasses.
Berry and I toasted and drank mezcal and beer while laughing at our problems. I don’t know if it was the side effects of the mezcal, but I told Berry to wait a second and went to the private room where I got a guitar.
After tune it and take another shot of mezcal I started to play an old well-known and popular song from Mexicolt. Even Berry knew it since while I was playing, she raised her beer and sang with me...
Ay, ay, ay, ay Canta y no llores Porque cantando se alegran Cielito lindo, los corazones
After a long time drinking and singing, I even played some traditional songs from my dear Lyreland, maybe was the alcohol, but I felt some homesick. Berry decided that she had to go home. She was drunk as hell, and so do I...
"Bourbon, you're great, 'hic ', see you soon." Berry kissed me on the cheek, and I opened the door for her.
When she left, I locked the pub and still with the guitar in my hand I lay down on one of the sofas and played some chords while finishing my beer. It didn’t take me that long to fall asleep in the sofa.
The sun's rays came through the windows, why would I forget to close the curtains? It didn’t matter much either, since a scream almost knocked me to the ground...
"Cock a doodle do!" I yelled and fall into the floor. Boy that hurt… When I opened my eyes, I could see Sunset Shimmer looking at me with a disappointed face. "What in hell are you doing Bourbon?"
"What am I doing? What are YOU doing in my room?" I asked indignantly, and she simply opened her eyes in surprise.
"Your room... and can you explain me since when there are beer taps in your room?" Still rubbing my head, I got up as best I could, feeling a big pang in my back; yup, I was at the pub.
"Ups... but what am I doing here?"
"I should like to hear that, what are you doing here, with a guitar by your side and surrounded by beer bottles and one of... mezcal?" Now I was beginning to remember. The bottle of mezcal, the binge with Berry Punch and me falling asleep on the couch...
"Okay, let's say yesterday Berryshine and I got a little bit out of hand..."
"Hey... look Bourbon, I don’t want to know what you were doing drinking with Berry at that time of night. Weird boss I have... drunk in his own business when it's closed." Sunset complained as she touched my shoulder.
"Are you complaining about me as boss...?" I said rubbing my eyes, to which Sunset bit her lip smiling while shaking her head.
“Of course not.” Said Sunset laughing. “Besides I think is very funny when you play guitar and sing drunk.”
Wait a minute, did I tell Sunset about me playing guitar and singing? I preferred not to think about it so while Sunset went to the private room, I went to the toilet to wash my face with cold water. What an awful face I had, and speaking of water, once I got behind the bar, I grabbed a bottle and I almost drank it in one gulp, I looked like a camel.
That same morning, after my third coffee, Discord appeared. Not so long after came Big Mac.
"Hey Bourbon, where were you last night?" My roomie asked.
"Better not ask, I have a strong hangover..."
"That explains why you seem so sick today." Discord said.
"Well today is the night, let Melon Mint be prepared, because today I won’t stop movin’ mah hips. And not exactly dancing." Said Big Mac decided.
"Wait, nothing happened last night?" I asked, to which Big Mac looked at me, denying it with a grimace. I left the bar to face Big Macintosh. "I mean, I leave everything ready for you to succeed, and nothing?" I already started to get frustrated.
"No, Bourbon, last night the girl left... even though I was... using my tongue to entertain her." Something in Discord's tone was suspicious to me, but I didn't feel well enough to think about it. "But in the end, there was no way."
"Well, what is clear is that I’m not the only one who is goin' to rebuild his life." Said Big Mac. "Nope, Ah'm going to speak with Melon, and I’ll stand in front of her like a real man... do y’all come with me?" He said the latter in a more submissive tone.
"I’m not going to be able to... because an unforeseen event has arisen." Discord said rambling.
"What happened?" Mac asked.
“I don’t know Mac, that's why it's an unforeseen, if I knew I would have told you 'a foreseen'. Let Bourbon go better, she is a waitress and he has a pub so... you know, if she was a philosopher I would go you." Discord was trying to pass me the hot potato; or, rather, the hot apple.
"No, no, better go with Discord; since you're not going to seem talkative, at least you won’t look weirder." I said.
"No, Big Mac for a while is fine, but too much time he gets very tiresome." Discord said pushing Mac against me.
"Hell no, with the hangover that I have I’m like to go partying with this one. You go, Discord." I said pushing Big Mac against him.
"No, I'm not going anywhere with the monosyllabic Apple!" He shouted, pushing back Big Mac.
"Well, let him go alone, he's already a grown up." I said, tired of such nonsense.
"GUYS! Awright, I got it." Mac yelled, smoothing his shirt and being stunned by the circus we had set up in less than five minutes. "Eeyup, I'm a burdensome man who does nothing but ask for and ask for. The only thing left is to ask y’all to sleep with her for me."
At that moment I tried to hide the laughter for the guilt that still gnawed at me, luckily my headache distracted me. Seriously, I had never been so happy about having a hangover.
"If y’all need me, I'll be in mah store... cleaning the dust out off the cider bottles." Big Mac said, leaving depressed. What a crap...
"Mac, wait." I said, drawing his attention. "C’mon man, we were just kidding. Of course, we accompany you, for a friend anything, strange as it may seem; even things that you would say 'what a nasty trick he did to me', all those things, come from the heart, "I said, hitting my chest. "Remember that in the future." I was trying to save my ass, but really, I only wanted the earth to swallow me.
"Thanks pals, thanks!" Said Big Mac hugging us. "Hey, let's see if y’all guys also flirt with some chicks, I can see it's been a while since y’all... you know." Big Mac was laughing and while he was leaving Discord and I shared a nervous laugh.
“You have no idea…” Said Discord.
Discord and I looked at each other and our expression changed from uncomfortable laughter to frustration. Of course, I still didn’t understand Discord's attitude. But hey, I didn’t care either, I’d got costumers to attend.
That same night we went back to the nightclub. Big Macintosh was visibly happy and motivated. When he saw Melon Mint, he greeted her effusively as Discord and I greeted her in low spirits too. She returned the greeting, but Big Mac clearly misundertood everything.
"Have y’all seen her? i’m quite sure it’s not mah imagination." Said the oldest of the Apples very happy. "Eeyup, let’s go..."
"Wait, wait, Big Mac." Discord said stopping him. "Have a drink before, you sober aren’t much of a talker and maybe she thinks you are a creeper.”
"But what's wrong with y’all? Wait a minute... I know what's goin’ on here." Said Mac chuckling. "You are jealous..." Discord and I looked at each other strangely. "Sure, as the quiet one gets the gal and you don’t, now y’all are green with envy."
Without realizing it, Big Mac had opened our way of escape from there.
"Well yes," I said, feigning outrage and putting a hand on my forehead. "It pisses me off... so much that I feel like crying." Keep it that way, keep it that way... "I'm leaving... and if you are my friends, you'll accompany me, specially you Big Macintosh."
I made a move to leave, but Mac stopped me.
"Wait Bourbon, buddy, we're a team; if one of us triumphs, we all triumph." He said putting both hands on my cheeks. To take for granted the flight plan. Besides, that was a pretty lame excuse. "C’mon, here we go..."
I had to stop him no matter what...
"Wait, Big Mac, you cannot go like this..." Think Bourbon, think... "Uh, look at the stain you got here." I pointed to a random part of his shirt and Discord joined in to watch.
"What stain?"
"What stain he says... as if you can’t see it." I took advantage as Big Mac looked away to pick up an almost empty glass and spill what was left on top of Big Mac.
"Bourbon! What are you doing man? Are you an imbecile?" He said pissed looking at his shirt. "I'm going to dry mah shirt..."
Big Mac retired to the bathroom leaving me alone with Discord.
"Holy shit... he's being a real burden with this girl. You know, I'm not saying she’s not hot, of course she is... but I don’t know why, I think this gal is not clean wheat." I said.
"Yes, I think the same..." Discord replied, wagging his index finger very quickly. "When I saw her, I said: 'this girl is not clean wheat', it's obvious that she’s not meant for Big Macintosh." Said Discord, very convinced. "But hey, I'm not saying she's meant for me." Discord put his hands to his chest as if he wanted to exculpate himself.
"No, no, nor for me either, to be clear..." I said gesturing with my hand. "What I’m trying to say is that these things in the end…”
"Yes, you’re right. You have taken it from my mouth, it is best not to talk to her. "
"That’s it, if you're not going to talk to her, me neither." Discord looked at me strangely. "Oh, you were talking about Big Mac... no, Big Mac neither."
In five minutes, Big Mac returned, and Discord talked to him.
"Hey Big Mac, you see, we've talked to the waitress, and..." Discord and I cocked our heads. "It seems to me that you will only get a beer from her."
"What the…? What happened? "He asked confused.
"Well you know..." I said. "The girl is kinda maniac; you know, she put lemon before the ice, she doesn’t like hicks... I don’t know..." Truth is, I didn’t know how much excuses to made.
"But... Eeyup... what a fool I’ve been. Let's go now, I hope she doesn’t hate men who cry too." Victory! We were about to leave when suddenly... "Wait! Then why did she greet me so effusively?" Mac thought. This is bad… "And why did she come to see me in the neighborhood yesterday?" Big Mac went from sad to perceptive, almost like a detective looking for clues. "That’s it, I know what's goin' on... she’s the typical hot-breaker... I know what to do." Wait what is he going to do?
Big Macintosh went like a brave bull to the bar where Melon was working. We tried to dissuade him, but it was in vain...
"Hey, you, don’t ya have anythin’ to tell me?" He asked angrily.
"Ups sorry." Melon Mint said innocently. "What can I get you?"
"And now she plays fool..." Big Mac said laughing mischievously. "Look, purdy, stop playin' dumb because mah friends have already told me everything..."
Melon Mint put her hand on her head and made a worried expression. I saw Discord making the gesture of drinking as if to indicate that Mac was drunk, and I just clapped...
"Very well Mac, you've already made things clear, now let's go..." I tried to take him away, but Big Mac got out.
"Nope... listen gal, you can’t treat people like that, you can’t give them false hopes and then leavin' them broken."
"Hey, we're all grownups, and I didn’t promise anything to your friends either, they were doing their thing." Melon Mint said, it was clear that she wasn't going to withstand Big Mac's attacks for long.
"And now, she blames mah friends..." Discord and I wanted the earth to swallow us. "Look, they have done this for me..."
"For you?" Asked Melon, surprised. "But what a bunch of sick people are you? All going for the same..." She hadn't time to finish the sentence as Discord interrupted her.
"Shut up, shut up! I don't want to hear another word!" Discord said in outrage as Melon gestured to Mac to get away and he gestured for him to shut up. "Let's go Mac, let's get out here before descend into the easy insults."
"Eeyup... just one more thing." Big Mac turned to Melon. "You’re a bitch..."
"And you’re an asshole!" She retorted. "What did you think? Just because I banged your friends you were going to be next? Well, here I only make happy hour with the drinks. Douchebag." Then she threw liquid in his face while Discord and I slipped away... But it did not work.
"Hold on a second!" He stopped us in the middle of the dance floor. "What the fuck have y’all done?"
"Eh... you'll see ..." I could not take it anymore, I had to confess. "I'm sorry, Big Mac, I swear I didn’t want to bang her..." I said, clasping my hands and closing my eyes.
"Wait, did you banged her too?" Discord asked suddenly, to which I opened my eyes in surprise.
"You banged her?" I asked surprised.
"Y'ALL HAVE BANGED HER?!" Mac yelled putting peace between us.
"Well, Big Mac, if you put it in that way anyone would think 'such bastards', but we did it with our best intention..." Discord said.
"So I’ve got to thank y’all right?" Big Mac said sarcastically. " This is perfect... fuckin' great. I mean, I'm in one of the worst moments of mah life and mah friends just think about fuck me... well, me and her." He said pointing to Melon Mint.
"Mac, don’t get so mad because you haven’t lost that much." I said trying to belittle the matter. "Alright, the girl has a nice ass, but in sex she’s like B or B+... and you need an A+ to compensate with Sugar Belle."
"Go fuck yerself Bourbon..." Big Mac said and just left.
"Holy shit he got mad... but hey, if he doesn’t play his part it’s not strange that he’s alone." Discord said. I hated to admit it, but deep down he was right.
I just sighed. “Well, let's get out of here before he decides to burn my mattress in revenge."
My gosh... first time in a while that I get laid with a girl and look what a mess.
5 - The Bohemian's Rhapsody
Nothing like a coffee and a cigarette to start a Friday morning. Cheese Sandwich and I were the first to get up and he was dressing while I had breakfast quietly.
"Well, mate, I've been commissioned to organize a birthday party." Cheese said, grabbing his accordion. "See you at dinner time."
"Ok, have fun dude." I said as I took a puff on the cigar.
Soon Big Mac came out of his room. He was really shattered, like me after a night of whiskey and beer.
"Big Mac, are you okay?" I asked.
"Nope." He answered with a long face and sat on the sofa.
"Man, you can’t continue that way." I said as I sat beside him. "You have to get over it now."
"I just can’t understand... she's gettin' married." He said more to himself than to me. "Just, just why?"
"I don’t know buddy, but you shouldn't torture yourself like this. Mac, I know it's hard, and maybe, even though I'm a psychologist, I'm not the best person to tell you, but you have to forget her and move on. "
"Yeah, like you with mah sister, right?" That comment hurts... and Big Mac knew. "Sorry pal, it's just I’m..."
“It’s ok, don’t worry. C'mon, I'll invite you some beer or whatever in the pub and then you'll open the store."
After dressing and grooming a little we left the apartment, in the hallway we found Twilight, who seemed somewhat overwhelmed.
"Morning Twilight." I said.
"Oh, hi Bourbon, hi Big Mac." She said as she locked her apartment.
"Do you know if Sunset is ready?" I asked.
"Sunset left a while ago, she left with Rarity to go running. And I should also run too, I’m late and I’ve got to go to the library to return a book before heading out to the laboratory. See you!" And so, we just said goodbye and Twilight ran down the stairs.
While we were going down, I was trying to convince Big Mac how he should cope with the fact that his ex-girlfriend was going to marry someone else. I didn’t want to admit it, because I didn’t know Sugar Belle at all, but I hated her for what she was doing to my friend.
Our lobby was a large space, where elevators, mailboxes and several armchairs and sofas converged. There was also a place where the building janitor was supposed to be, but we didn't have anyone yet. There we find Sandalwood smoking a joint calmly.
"Sandalwood, you know that I don’t care, but the neighbors are going to beat your ass if they catch you smoking weed here," I said reproaching our hippie neighbor.
"Oh, Bourbon, man, don’t be like that." He answered.
Then Sunset and Rarity entered the lobby, sweating and fatigued by the exercise. They didn't even closed the front door.
"Damn ... I don’t have stamina for this." said Sunset panting and sitting on one of the sofas without noticing our presence.
"Come on darling, it's worth the effort to be fit as a fiddle." Rarity said, also weary. I was surprised that she was so calm knowing that she never liked being covered in sweat.
"I give up... I don’t even like sports." Said Sunset.
"Neither do I." said Rarity, collapsing beside her and discouraged. "But we cannot abandon now Sunset."
"You're right, once you turn thirty, the body tends to look like a teapot," said Sandalwood, who earned himself a murderous glare from Sunset and Rarity.
"You shut up hippie…" replied Sunset angrily. "Rarity, it's not worth it, besides, there are no decent men left; either they have married or become gay."
"Of course, there are darling, be a little optimistic."
"Wait, but is this all for hooking up with some guy?" I asked, withput knowing anything.
"This is not just about flirting Bourbon," said Sunset. "It's more to find someone worthwhile."
"Well, I'm single, you know?" Sandalwood said, puffing on his joint.
“You see Rarity? Let's face it, we've gone cool and unreachable, and now they're ignoring us." Sunset said, covering her face in frustration. It seemed to me that she was exaggerating. After all Sunset and Rarity were young and very atractive, men should be fighting for being with them.
"Don’t be negative darling, haven’t you read The Secret? We are like antennas and if we tune into the universe, the universe will provide." Rarity said. I honestly didn’t give credit I always considered The Secret as a pseudo-scientific bullshit.
"Cool..." Apparently Sandalwood liked the speech because he stared at the ecstatic nothingness. Or maybe it was the effects of cannabis...
"Are we appealing to weird magic now? Although we don’t lose anything by trying, I guess." Sunset said without taking it seriously. "Let's see, I want... a handsome man, with hair, intelligent, funny... eh... Oh universe, I want that man, send it to me! " Sunset shouted making a fuss.
At that moment a man with a goatee went through the open door, a beret covered his head, although we saw that his hair was tied back in a ponytail; On his neck he was wearing a scarf and carrying two suitcases.
Sunset and Rarity kept staring at him like idiots...
"Uh... excuse me, I'm looking for Bourbon Maverick," the man said.
"Yes, it's me, who are you?" I asked confused.
"My name is Bright Canvas; I have rented an apartment from Mr. Filthy Rich and he told me you would give me the keys." Right, Filthy Rich told me about a new tenant in a flat on his property.
"Oh my..." said Sunset.
"Of course, now I remember, I have them in my apartment, but don’t worry, we pick them up in a minute and then I'll take you there," I said. "Meanwhile I’ll introduce you to some neighbors. These are Rarity and Sunset."
"Hi." They both said smiling in a sweet voice and trying to put on a sexy pose.
"That one over there is Sandalwood." Sandalwood was not paying attention, he was massaging his temples as he recited 'I want a camper, universe listen to me'; I put an expression of bewilderment and decided to let it be. "Well, this is my roommate Big Macintosh." Big Mac just waved. "Hey, Big Mac, would you mind going back home and pick up the keys that I left on the kitchen countertop, they have a label that says 'Rich'."
"Eeyup." And without further delay Big Mac returned to our place.
"That’s marvelous, an artist in the building." Rarity said approaching Canvas
"I love art, I had a time as a street artist," said Sunset, also approaching.
"I like it more." Rarity replied.
"She likes it, but she doesn’t understand it." Sunset attacked Rarity.
"Maybe more than you. When could you show us your paintings?" It was clear that those two were trying to flirt with the newcomer...
"Well, I haven't gotten them out of the truck yet," Canvas explained.
"Much better, that gives me time to take a shower. Boss, today I'll go to the pub later." Said Sunset running to an elevator followed by Rarity.
"But..." I kept the word in my mouth. "You know I'll deduct it from your salary!" Canvas looked at me strangely. "She works at my pub; you could come one day to take a pint or two."
Meanwhile in the elevator ...
"Where are you going so fast? The universe sent him to me." Said Sunset to Rarity.
"You wish, I've been asking for a man like him since I bought the book."
As Rarity lived closer, she got off the elevator earlier. Sunset waited a little and ran to her apartment, not without first taking out her mobile phone and making a call.
"Hello? Who is it?" Asked a feminine and youthful voice.
"Sweetie Belle? I'm Sunset Shimmer, do you know what your sister’s doing?" Sunset asked as she turned on the shower tap.
"Well, she's taking a shower right now," Sweetie Belle replied.
"Shit, she goes two steps ahead... Hey, do you want to earn one hundred dollars?"
"Sure, of course."
"You have to prevent your sister from having a shower; break the boiler or something." Sunset asked.
"Sunset, are you asking me to sabotage my own sister...? Not for that price, what about one hundred and fifty." Sweetie Belle bargained.
"Done, do something, but fast!"
Sunset hung up leaving Sweetie Belle surprised.
"Wow, if I get to know, I would have asked her for two hundred. Anyway..."
Sweetie Belle went to the kitchen, where the boiler was. There the girl looked at what she could do to sabotage her sister's shower. Without really knowing what she was doing, she simply grabbed a cable and pulled.
Sweetie Belle ran to the living room and grabbed a book to dissimulate. Suddenly a scream came from the bathroom.
"Sweetie Belle! what's going on!? There's no hot water." Rarity yelled getting out of the bathroom with a towel tied to her body and with shampoo draining from her head.
"Oh... maybe it's a problem with the boiler." Sweetie Belle said dissembling.
"Damn, what a bad luck, this is the. Worst. Possible. Thing..." Rarity said going to the kitchen to see what the problem was, not realizing that the problem was closer than she thought.
“And there goes the drama queen again…” Mumbled Sweetie Belle returning to her book.
After Big Mac brought me the keys, we accompanied Canvas to his new apartment. We decided to go by the elevator.
"One more thing, is the soundproofing good? Because sometimes we have had problems with neighbors and such..." The painter asked.
"Yes, yes, don’t worry about that, the walls are this thick." I said showing my hands a long distance so that he could get an idea of how thick they were; although if I was honest, I had no idea.
"Yeah dude, it's like a bunker." Said Sandalwood who also come with us in the elevator.
"Also, in this building we are very calm. I don’t usually cross with the neighbors."
The elevator doors opened, and I cursed myself for being such a loudmouth. On leaving, a retinue of several neighbors was waiting for us, including: Cranky Doodle and his wife Matilda, Lyra and Bon Bon, Pinkie Pie, and even Discord. What the fuck was he doing here?
The neighbors began to overwhelm Canvas with questions, which many of them did not make sense...
"Guys, silence!" I shouted trying to put order. "This is Bright Canvas, Filthy Rich's new tenant; He asked me to give him the keys to the apartment. And he is a painter. An artist."
"So, an artist, huh?" Bon Bon commented looking at him suspiciously.
"That's amazing! We'll have to make him a welcome party!" Said Pinkie, who else.
"Canvas, are you in there?" Said a female voice coming out of the elevator.
"Here! Please, clear the way." Canvas said, while the woman, whose most notable aesthetic feature was a pair of glasses with the purple glass covering her face, was coming towards him to kiss her on the cheek."
"Oh, you artists are so naughty, you just arrived, and you've already brought a hooker." Said Discord.
"She's my wife." Said Canvas looking at Discord reprovingly.
"And... she’s very pretty." Discord replied laconically.
"Married? Well that changes many things." Said Matilda.
"Definitely..." Cranky added sarcastically.
"I'm Photo Finish, it's a pleasure to meet you." Well of course she looked familiar to me, besides that unmistakable accent. Photo Finish was in Canterlot High with the rest of us and, even then, she was a great photographer. She hadn’t changed her style at all, so I assumed that she was doing the same thing; Besides, being married to an artist was something that did not miss anything considering that they belonged to the same world, more or less.
"Well, it's been a pleasure, we'll see each other," Canvas said, opening the door.
"If you need anything, I live in the upper floor." I said, and they closed their door.
"Well, they look nice," Said Lyra after they closed the door and left with Bon Bon.
"Hey Discord, would you mind explaining me what are you doing here?" I asked, surprised.
"Oh, I didn’t tell you, right?" He replied strangely happy. "It turns out that the painter is not going to be your only new neighbor."
"No, please don’t tell me..." I answered wide-eyed as I feared he would confirm what I suspected.
"Yes, I’ve moved to your building."
I hit my hand against my face. What I lacked, I no longer only had to put up with Discord in the pub, but also living in my building.
I went to work, and Discord accompanied me.
A few hours passed and what surprised me most was that Sunset had not arrived yet.
"Where the hell did this girl get?" I protested. "Discord, please do a good deed and watch the pub for me, I'm going to look for that crazy bacon-haired girl."
I never suspected what was going to happen next.
Sunset Shimmer was in front of Canvas’ door with a seductive pose and wearing an orange dress. The painter opened and was surprised to see the fiery haired girl standing there.
"Hi, do you remember me? I’m the girl from the hall, well, I actually live upstairs, but as we met down..." Sunset laughed nervously. "Rarity is the one who lives below..."
"Yeah, look, I haven’t had time to unpack my paintings yet." Canvas excused himself.
"No, I'm not interested..." Sunset stopped realizing that she was screwing up. "I mean, I'm interested, but I thought to myself: this guy has talent, so why don’t you make me an artistic portrait? Because I always wanted to be a muse, do you have a muse?" She said that last question with a tone of voice that could melt the chocolate.
"Well, now I'm doing a series of nudes you know? And..."
"Oh, I’ll do whatever for art, do we start now?" Without warning, Sunset went into the apartment and Canvas followed her accepting that bizarre situation.
Sunset stood in what was supposed to be the living room, still unfurnished due to the move.
"Well, take off your clothes and cover yourself a little with that silk sheet." Canvas said, pointing to a yellow silk sheet. "I'll be right back."
Sunset smiled as she took off her shoes and her dress. Deep inside she wished that Canvas was looking at her so he could admire her body, however, the painter was in the kitchen preparing something. Sunset was excited that he could be preparing a drink or whatever.
Without further ado, she removed her bra and panties and put on the sheet as a toga. She tried to cover herself as little as possible, but to the extent that she didn't seem desperate and still maintain that aura of femme fatal that she knew turned men crazy.
Canvas arrived with a tray on which was a hamburger, some fries and a cup of soda with a lid and a straw.
"Okay, sit here and hold the tray with your left hand."
"No problem, I'm used to carrying trays," said Sunset laughing.
The painter placed a canvas on his easel and watched Sunset as he tried to focus on it.
"Okay, now take the hamburger with your right hand, lift it up and look at it wishing to take a bite." Sunset did as he ordered, although her expression showed confusion. "Perfect, and now the hardest part, don't move."
While Canvas was painting, Sunset noticed how the mustard dripped and stained her arm. A part of her realized the fault in her plan. If she couldn’t move, and couldn’t talk, how was she going to flirt with the painter?
"This is the first time I got naked after five minutes of meeting a man," she said, trying to make conversation. "Well no, the second..." Said Sunset with an expression of regret. "But that doesn’t count because I was so drunk hahaha. It was in an end-of-course trip, so crazy..." Sunset lowered his arm a little tired.
"Careful, don’t lower your arm please," Canvas said.
"Sorry, I'm tired, hey, can at least let go of the hamburger? I’m getting dirty with the mustard." Said Sunset feeling the mustard running down her arm.
"No, that gives strength to the picture, I'm doing a series about the Capital Sins, and you're Gluttony." Canvas explained.
"Oh, and couldn’t I be Lust? I think it fits better on me..." Sunset said with a seductive look.
"You have such beautiful skin and hair, you know that?" Canvas said, admiring the Sunset’s beauty for the first time.
"Oh, thank you... thank goodness." She said that last thing almost whispering. "Hey, why don’t you release the brushes for a while and take a break?"
Suddenly the door opened, and a woman started talking.
"Honey, I'm home now." Sunset went pale at those words. "Mein gosh everything is frigging expensive in that supermarket..." Photo Finish suddenly shut up seeing Sunset half-naked in the middle of the living room with Canvas painting her. "Who. Is. This? Here we go again?" Photo Finish was visibly angry.
"Honey, please don’t start again, huh?"
"No, I don’t start nothing, I'm just asking you why is this slut naked in my living room?"
"I'm Gluttony..." Said Sunset Shimmer trying to look innocent.
"She's a neighbor, she asked me to paint her," Canvas said, beginning to raise his tone of voice looking at his wife.
"You used to paint only me; I was your muse!" She shouted.
"Yeah, but I wasn’t selling a fucking picture!" Canvas yelled, letting go of the brush.
"Because you have no fucking idea how to paint, I HATE YOU!" She shouted, throwing some temperas at his head.
"Don’t throw things at me, hysterical!"
"Paint landscapes like normal people!"
"That's old! I’m a conceptual artist!"
Sunset wanted the earth to swallow her. Among screams and things flying, the girl with flaming hair grabbed her clothes and tried to sneak away.
"You're a schwein who paints tits and hamburgers!" Photo yelled Finish yanked his gaze back to Sunset. "And you, stop right there! Don’t you see that the painting is not finished?"
Sunset did not know what to answer to get out of there. "I have to go to work, my boss is waiting for me, he's a psychologist you know? If you have problems, you can talk to him." That was a serious mistake by Sunset.
"Problems she says." Photo Finish laughed and grabbed Sunset's hair. "We are very happy, you understand?"
"Leave her alone!" Canvas tried to intervene grabbing his wife.
"Give me back my sheet!"
"I wash it, I wash it and I'll give it back to you." Sunset slunk away and ran to the door while the argument went on.
"Get of me, Hurensohn ! I hate you!"
As I was going upstairs, I kept wondering why Sunset had not gone to work. When I got to the floor of the newcomers, I started to hear screams and swearing, some of them in German...
Suddenly, from Canvas’ place, Sunset came out dressed only in a yellow sheet.
"What the..." I couldn’t find the words, Sunset just smiled nervously and prepared to go upstairs, probably to her home. "Sunset, what the hell are you doing naked?"
"Nothing, asking for salt." She said, trying not to lose the sheet.
"You know, if you usually ask for salt like this, remember that I live in front of you." I said smirking to annoy her.
"Boss, you're a pervert!" She shouted angrily leaving.
"Well, get dress and go down to the pub, you'll tell me later what the hell is going on..." I cried without understanding anything yet.
A while later, Sunset came to the pub and found Discord, Rainbow Dash and me chatting quietly. After I asked her the reason for the scene I encountered before, she told us the story.
When it was over, the three of us began to laugh as if there were no tomorrow, while Sunset inflated her cheeks flushed with embarrassment and anger.
"Hahahaha, oh Sunset, I wish I was there with my camera." Rainbow Dash was laughing her ass off.
"It's not funny, Dash." She said.
"You're wrong, it is really funny." Said Discord, still laughing.
"If it's any consolation, you’ve got a pretty rump." I said, to which I earned a look of hatred from Sunset.
We continued to laugh a little about poor Sunset’s misfortune until it was time to eat. As we were the only ones in the pub, I closed, and we left home.
"Anyway, I'm going to Rarity's place, see you later." Said Sunset, leaving.
I immediately spotted Lyra running towards us.
"Lyra, what's wrong?" I asked.
"The new neighbors, they’re screaming like crazy." She said.
We followed Lyra to our building and arrived at the floor where the newcomers lived. There were several neighbors and yes, they were screaming, insulting eachother and throwing things.
"Arschloch ! You’ve ruined my life!" Shouted Photo Finish.
"Stop throwing me fruit! I'm sick tired of you! CRAZY! " Canvas responded.
"Then, break up with me, break up with me if you’ve got balls," she yelled. "Verflucht arschloch, versager ! "
"Don’t speak to me in German, I don’t understand you!"
"That's because you're a hick."
Holly crap, I had seen conjugal disputes and fights, but this was another level.
"What a mess." I said.
"With things like this, I'm glad to be single," Sandalwood said.
"Bourbon, who the hell did you bring us in here?" Bon Bon asked me.
"I didn’t bring anyone, is Filthy Rich’s flat." I defended myself.
"Well, something must be done, this is a building of quiet and normal people," said Matilda.
"Yes, especially normal..." Cranky said sarcastically.
The argue went on and it seemed to go long.
"Well, let's give them a break, moving is a very stressful time, even more for couples." I tried to explain.
"The psychologist's explanation is fine, but what fault do we have?" Discord asked.
"Silence, it seems they have been quiet." Said Rainbow Dash, they seemed to stop, or so we thought...as the insults were replaced by thundering moans.
"Ahhhhhh!" That was Photo Finish.
"Oh my goodness! Open up, they're killing each other!" Matilda shouted worriedly.
"Oh yeah! Keep going, harder!" Nope, I think those weren’t exactly screams of pain.
"Well, I think they're fucking." Lyra said flatly.
"Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted reproaching her friend.
"I mean, making love..." My countrywoman corrected herself.
"Yes, it seems they are in the middle of their... reconciliation." I said.
"Thank you Captain Obvious." Discord replied.
"And why are they shouting so much?" Matilda asked in a very naïve way.
"Don’t know, there are people who like sex." Cranky said.
"Well, the important thing is that they aren't arguing anymore," I said. "Come all home."
"But they keep making noise." Bon Bon complained as she left with Lyra.
"I can’t even cook quietly." said Matilda, also leaving.
"Come on, they'll get tired eventually... sex is usually two minutes." Discord said although I looked at him strangely.
"Speak for yourself, friend." Dash said.
"It makes eternal to me." Cranky complained. "Bourbon, you could have the pub open already."
"I have a pretty good stamina, as I do retro ejaculation." Told Sandalwood to Cranky.
"And what does it matter to me?" Replied our bad-tempered ex-teacher.
Photo Finish was still screaming like a possessed woman, adding tags like 'spank me' or 'grab my tits'. My mother, that woman was a sexual volcano...
"Oh my, she screams like a bitch in heat..." Discord said loosening the collar of his shirt. "What a dumb heater..."
"Discord, please..."
After adding that phrase and as my presence was useless, I went to my place listening to the moans of pleasure of the photographer with more questions in my head.
At home I tried to make the meal quiet before returning to the pub. A microwave pizza and that's it. Today I ate alone, because Cheese Sandwich was on the other side of town and Big Mac was also going to eat out. I only prayed to be able to rest before work.
Unfortunately, my peace would be disturbed without I could do anything to avoid it, because the doorbell rang several times...
"And now what..." I said as I snorted and headed to the door. On the other side was Lyra.
"Bourbon, they're back again..." she said.
"Ugh fuck me..." I banged my forehead against the door frame, grabbed my keys and followed Lyra.
In effect, that crazy couple was already yelling and throwing things. The same madness of a few hours ago ...
"I can’t live like that; they’ve ruined my soufflé." Matilda complained as she looks like she was going to cry.
"Doesn’t Filthy Rich realize whom he rents his property?" Asked Bon Bon very mad. "And even more to artists, who are drug addicts and perverts..."
"Bonnie control your temper," Lyra told him trying to calm her down.
Suddenly I noticed that Sandalwood was massaging his temples. "Shut up, please shut up... Universe, listen to me!" He said looking up with arms outstretched. What surprised me is that they had already been quiet. "Cool! It works, let's see, I want a camper, I want a camper... " Sandalwood did the same again, but the noise returned, more or less...
"Ah, Ah, Aaaaahhhhh!" Yes, they were moaning again.
"Great ... they're already fornicating again," Bon Bon said.
"Twice the same day? That’s just vice..." Matilda said.
"But is someone going to do something?" Lyra asked.
"Of course..." Discord said heading to the door and hitting hard. "Open the door degenerates!"
"Fucking fuck! Who the hell is now?! " Canvas yelled furious from the other side.
Discord looked panic and ran, along with the rest of the people. The only idiot who stood in front of the door for reacting late was me.
"Hey! Don’t leave me here you bastards..." I said as some of them hid on the stairs and others at Matilda's house.
Canvas opened in underpants. "What the fuck do you want?"
"Hey, hi, I'm Bourbon." I didn’t know what to say, really...
"Yes, I know, what do you want?" Canvas looked visibly pissed off, I don’t know if by the latter argue or because we interrupted their smash.
"You see, it turns out that the neighbors have complained about the noise that your... conjugal frictions provoke." I tried to explain as gently as possible.
"Wait a minute, didn’t you say that the walls were like this thick?" He said imitating the same gesture I did before.
"Yes, of course, an old-time plasterboard partition. But the problem is that the ground is thinner, which causes a rebound of the sound waves of your moans and swearing, and that makes it echo in almost the entire building. An architectural incongruity." I honestly had no fucking idea what I was saying.
"Dude, I don’t know what you said, but you've managed to lower my erection." He said while aiming at his crotch.
Suddenly Photo Finish appeared covering herself with a sheet.
"What do you want?" She asked angrily.
"Nothing, I told Canvas that your screams..." She didn’t let me continue.
"Go fuck yourself!" Then she slammed the door, leaving me with the words in my mouth.
Matilda's door opened and from inside the house and the stairs came the cowards who had left me with my ass in the air.
"How rude…” said Matilda.
"Bourbon, you don’t know how to impose yourself," said Discord.
"And what about you? You run away first, like a rat." I reproached him, but he concealed it.
"Where is the tobacco? You've already hidden it again." Canvas shouted from the inside of his flat.
"Are you going to smoke now? We are not finished." Photo Finish yelled.
"I don’t feel like it anymore, I'm going to paint."
"You never left me with the heat before!"
Insults and noise of flying things re-filled the environment.
"And here we go again. We must expel this people out of the building now." Bon Bon said.
"Well, you'll tell me how, they signed a contract with Rich, and they have to be notified at least fifteen days in advance," I said.
"Fifteen more days like that? I'm jumping from the balcony." Lyra said.
"I'm thinking one thing..." Sandalwood said.
"Silence, the hippie is going to talk." Discord announced.
"This couple fight and fornicate making a lot of noise, right?" We all looked expectantly at him to finish explaining his idea. "Then, we have to break up the couple, clear and sound."
"Sure, we have to destroy that love," said Discord.
"But that's a dick move. Don’t count on me." The truth is that I was also desperate but doing that seemed immoral to me.
"Sandalwood, why don’t you flirt with the painter’s crazy wife?" Discord proposed.
"Cool." He said smiling like a fool.
"What are you saying? That’s not going to work. We have to go for the guy, the couples always break on the weaker side." Bon Bon said.
"You're right, we put in front of the painter a hot chick with nice tits and fine ass, and let the hormones do the rest." Discord said.
"Thank you Discord, but I don’t like that guy," said Lyra. Sometimes I don’t know if this girl doesn’t know anything or she likes to troll a lot.
"What the…? No, I was thinking about Rarity. Besides, she did like him, right?" He said looking at me.
"Discord, what makes you think that a girl like Rarity is going to lend herself to doing that?" I asked. As far as I knew Rarity, I didn’t see her capable of doing something so despicable.
"I heard her boiler is screwed up; I think we can attack there..." Discord smiled wickedly as he held his two index fingers in front of his lips.
"Do whatever you want, I have to go open the pub." Immediately after I left, I had work and did not want to continue with that.
At Rarity’s home, she, Sunset Shimmer and Sweetie Belle were all in the bathroom.
Sweetie Belle brought a pot of hot water and prepared to throw it over the shower screen. Within it was Rarity, and Sunset was sitting on the toilet.
"Sis, tell me how it is." Sweetie belle threw the water on top of Rarity.
"Ahhhhh! Sweetie Beeeeelle! " Rarity screamed.
"Is that hot or cold?" The little sister asked.
"Sweetie Belle, it's burning! Can’t you put your hand in before? " Rarity protested.
"Such a bad luck that your boiler is broken, just when you were getting pretty." Said Sunset taking out two bills and giving them to Sweetie Belle, who returned to the kitchen with the pot. "Anyway, you don’t miss anything, he’s married..."
Rarity grabbed the towel that hung from a hook in the wall and opened the screen looking at Sunset angrily.
"Have you already gone after him, you bitch? Unbelievable..." Said the fashionista still soaked and leaving the bathroom on her way to her room.
"But Rarity, the universe sent him to me. Who am I to oppose this type of energy?"
"Well, fuck you, he's married. The universe has been wrong." Rarity said with a tone of satisfaction.
"Yes, but I don’t see them happy." A malevolent smile crossed Sunset's face.
Rarity turned around and addressed her friend. "Sunset, don’t even think about it..."
"Photo Finish is crazy, she has always been; besides, she doesn’t understand his art, me on the other hand..." Sunset was interrupted by Rarity.
"Sunset darling, he's married. In the best case you will become a booty call that he only looks for when he’s bored, because he won’t ever leave her, they never do. And you’ll feel bad, alone and dirty, until one day she catches you both in bed, breaks up with him, he will get depressed, he will hate you for breaking his marriage, and in the end he will crawl back and beg forgiveness from his wife. And you meanwhile, you've been wasting your time without finding anyone worthy." Rarity's speech was clear and concise, and left Sunset speechless.
"Well, if you put it that way, it doesn't sound cool..." said Sunset with an expression of defeatism.
"I say it for your own good, darling. I'm your friend, I don’t want you to suffer." Said Rarity placing a lock of Sunset’s hair behind her ear.
"Thanks, Rares." Sunset hugged Rarity smiling tenderly, while Sweetie Belle who was behind looked at them with a confused expression. "Come and take a shower at my place whenever you want."
"Tomorrow if you're ok." He said Rarity while Sunset was leaving her flat and closed the door.
"And now she offers you her shower... you know? Sometimes I think Sunset hasn't changed since high school," Sweetie Belle said.
"Sweetie Belle, don’t be like that, it’s the lack of sex, which clouds her judgment." Rarity said heading to her room.
"You can say that again, she gave me 150 bucks for breaking the boiler." Rarity stopped short and turned slowly to look at her sister.
"What did you say?" Rarity could not believe it.
"She paid me to sabotage you and be able to hook the painter before you," Sweetie Belle said flatly.
"And you do that to your own sister?! " Rarity said very angry.
"Rarity understand me, now I'm in college, I have a lot of expenses..." Sweetie Belle tried to excuse herself but was saved by the bell literally.
"You and I are going to talk later... A puppy, I should have asked for a puppy and not a little sister." Rarity was mumbling her way to the door. When she opened it, she came face to face with Discord.
"Wow, this is a joy to see." Said the chaotic philosopher, seeing Rarity wet and covered only with towels.
"Discord, what do you want?" Rarity said, holding the towel tightly, and without humor for Discord's nonsense.
"I heard you have the boiler broken; I could pay you for the repair. But of course, you’d have to do something for me before... "
"What do you want?" Rarity said looking suspiciously at Discord.
"I need you to flirt with the painter to break up their marriage, so they stop creating scandal. The peace of this building is in your hands."
"Done." After that laconic response, Rarity closed the door.
"Wow, that was easy." Discord said satisfied with the results.
The pub was relatively quiet, a couple of tables occupied, Sunset and I taking it easy and Big Mac accompanied by Flash Sentry at the bar.
For a change, Big Mac was downcast and only took short sips of his beer.
"Big Mac, how long have you been like this?" Asked Flash.
"It's been a week, but it's getting eternal." I replied.
"Sorry to bother ya with mah problems." He answered sarcastically and sip his cider.
"I didn’t mean that…" I facepalmed.
Truth is that the song that was playing in the speakers wasn't helping at all. Its lyrics seemed to be composed for Big Mac, because the chorus said:
Listen my friend, you've gotta bury That Dream,
She's lying in another man's arms and wearing his ring.
It's been the end, and you know that it's true.
Better get on with your life before life...
Gets on without you.
That was basically what I was trying to say to Big Mac. Sugar Belle was going to marry another, and he had to keep going no matter how much it hurt. Although of course, I was not the most indicated person to speak about.
"Come on Big Mac, I've had problems with women too, and in the end, you just get over it eventually." Said Flash.
"By the way, Flash, weren’t you dating Sunset Shimmer in high school?" I asked.
"Well, yeah... but it didn’t work well at the time." Flash seemed embarrassed by it. "Besides another wonderful girl appeared, but ours was impossible."
"Did she live far away or something?"
"You could say that..." He answered looking away, it was as if he was hiding something.
"And, how was she?" I asked already out of curiosity.
"Well, she was beautiful, intelligent, very devoted to her friends, had leadership skills, a beautiful voice, although at times she seemed very innocent..."
"...and she had two breasts like two mountains." Said a voice behind Flash.
"...and she had two breasts like two..." Flash was repeating what the voice was saying, but he stopped short and turned around to run into Discord. Seriously, when did he arrived? " Discord! Don’t be a pervert."
"Come on Flash, I'm sure the girl also had a good body." He replied, sitting on a stool next to him.
"Well, she was pretty hot. Although more than a hot chick, she was the typical adorkable girl." Being honest that description fit with someone I knew, but I couldn’t remember well who.
"By the way, Discord, what did Rarity say?" I asked.
Discord told us how he managed to convince Rarity without any effort and what was his plan to end the noise of the new tenants.
Actually, I was surprised in the bad way. I couldn’t believe that Rarity had lent herself to doing something so despicable. But hey, they say that all’s fair in love and war. I decided to prepare a glass of Bourbon with Cola to calm my nerves.
Flash decided to leave soon, and Discord also left to start up his "Great Plan", or so he defined it. I stayed with Big Mac trying to cheer him up, without suspecting the chaos that was going to mount in the building ...
Canvas left the flat with a garbage bag.
"Pick up the mail!" Photo Finish shouted from home.
"What mail? We’ve just moved in." He shouted closing the door. "I can’t stand this anymore…"
As he was walking downstairs, he didn’t realize that Discord had hidden nearby and was calling someone on his cell phone...
"He's going down, I repeat, he's going down..."
A couple of floors below, Sandalwood answered the call.
"Copy that." Then he knocked Rarity's door three times and ran to hide in the elevator.
The fashionista opened the door dressed only in a black lingerie set and put her best seductive pose against the door frame.
Canvas came down the stairs but stopped when he heard someone calling him. "Canvas darling, where are you going?" Rarity said, rocking her hair, a gesture that worked for almost every man.
"I... throw away the garbage," the painter said, almost drooling over the woman in front of him.
Rarity didn't want to beat around the bush. "Do you want to make love?" She asked openly.
"Fuck yeah," Canvas said approaching. "But quick I have my wife waiting for me."
Without further ado he went inside Rarity's apartment and closed the door.
Looking through the peephole of her door, Lyra picked up her mobile phone and called Discord. "It's inside, the spider has caught the fly."
"Perfect, phase two, Welcome Committee." Discord said, then called the rest of the neighbors involved in the plan to meet in front of the door of Canvas and Photo Finish.
"Hey, where did you get all that confetti?" Bon Bon asked
"I asked Pinkie, I told her it was for a party." Discord replied. "Actually, I didn’t lie too much either."
"And she didn’t want to sign up? " Bon Bon asked surprised.
"Nah, I told her it was on the other side of town," replied Discord nonchalantly.
After knocking at the door, Photo Finish, already in her pajamas, opened it to find Discord releasing the confetti and the neighbors saying 'Hello' in chorus.
"Hello, what is this?" She asked surprised.
"It's a welcome party. We are so happy to have you here that we could not help it," Discord said.
"At this hour?" She asked as they took her out of the house.
"That’s the surprise." Bon Bon said.
Together they went down the stairs to Rarity's apartment.
"But how am I going to be dressed like that at a party?" She asked as she was still almost dragged.
"Don’t worry, it's a slumber party, we'll change clothes in a minute." Sandalwood said.
"We make pillow war; we tell spooky stories..." Lyra said.
"But, wait a second for me to tell my husband, he is taking the trash..." she said trying to get away.
"Don’t worry, he's already at the party..." Discord said opening Rarity's apartment with a key.
What they found when they opened the door was Canvas and Rarity kissing like crazies, while the fashionista had a leg around the painter's waist. It was as if they were devouring each other. Everyone was speechless, and Photo Finish opened its mouth so wide it could have reached the floor.
"Holy shit, that's what I call people skills..." Bon Bon said.
It didn’t give much time to reactions, because Photo Finish went back to her home screaming. Canvas, on the other hand, realized that, and ran away after her. Everyone in the corridor followed them surreptitiously and stood near the door, where the chorus of yells and broken things began again.
"You're a schwein and a bastard!" The photographer shouted.
"It’s your fault for making my life impossible!" Canvas shouted.
Several things were heard breaking between the screams.
"Fuck, they're breaking everything," Lyra said.
"Well, Filthy Rich will have to thank me for being able to keep the bail. What a good plan I had." Said Discord.
"But it was my idea," Sandalwood protested.
"Shut up, weed smokers don’t think." Discord replied.
"Be careful, they're coming." Matilda mumbled and everyone hid in her apartment.
Canvas came out with a suitcase and two paintings under his arm.
"Get out of here and don’t come back!" Photo Finish yelled as she continued throwing fruit at her husband.
"I don’t plan to return. Crazy! Your crazy bitch!" After slamming the door behind him, Canvas went downstairs.
Discord and the others left Matilda's apartment.
"That’s it, and this is how chaos is caused and a problem is solved." He said grabbing the lapels of his jacket. "I go to my place."
As Discord made his way to the elevator, Photo Finish began to cry like it was the end of the world. The weeping was so loud it could be heard everywhere.
"Damn, what a tantrum," Lyra said.
"Discord, she is crying!" Bon Bon complained.
"Ugh... I can’t sleep like this." Matilda said putting a hand on her forehead.
"It will pass eventually, it’s normal for her to cry a little." Discord said, playing down the importance. "You’re really heartless people..."
Discord disappeared in the elevator and the rest remained in the hallway.
"Come on guys, everyone goes to bed," Sandalwood said, retreating too.
The crying followed and it almost seemed that they were killing the photographer.
"Looks like she really loved him..." Lyra said, looking very surprised and kinda sad.
I was washing some glasses when Sunset approached me.
"Boss, why that long face?"
"Nothing, sometimes I think I'm the only one with a bit of ethics in this shitty world." I replied as I searched for a cigarette among my things. "Even though I'm not exactly a saint..."
"Don’t say that boss, you're a good man," said Sunset trying to cheer me up.
"Maybe compared to others. I have always said that people are bad by nature, but then you find the exceptions that confirm that there are good people in the world. And our neighbors are proof of that, do you know that they want to break the marriage of the newcomers because they make a lot of noise? "
"Oh really?" Sunset seemed happy to hear that, but quickly hid it; Although it didn't help her much, I had already noticed her expression. "Well, they make a lot of noise, I understand them."
"Yeah, so does Rarity. It turns out that Discord proposed her to fix the boiler in exchange for seduced Canvas. You cannot trust anyone anymore... you think you know someone, and you're surprised for the worse..." Sunset put on an expression as if he had just been given the worst news in the world.
"Such a bitch..." She said more to herself than to the rest.
"Excuse me, what did you say?" I asked because I thought I had heard wrong.
"Nothing, Boss, if you don't mind, today I'll leave a little earlier. I'm going to pick up the tables." Sunset went to the tables and I went to the door to put the 'Closed' sign. Overall, the only one left was Big Mac...
In his flat Discord was in his bed staring at the ceiling while the cries of Photo Finish rumbled in his house.
"Nothing, she doesn't shut up... Silence up there, I want to sleep!" He shouted, hoping that he would hear him. "Damn it." Discord got up, put on slippers and left the house.
In the hall he ran into Lyra and Bon Bon.
"Discord, there’s no one who can sleep here." Lyra complained.
"No shit! Do you think I can?" he replied.
On the next floor were Matilda and Cranky and Sandalwood. Matilda was with her hands at her temples.
"I can’t stand this..." the lady complained. "So, she will get over it eventually, right? Do you know what time it is?"
"Discord, if I have to be awake at night, life is hell." Cranky complained.
"What a shitty plan…" Bon Bon said crossing her arms.
"Look, I'm going to ask Bourbon for his pistol, and I’ll end this now," said Discord.
"You can’t be serious..." Said Bon Bon outraged.
"Does Bourbon have a pistol?" Lyra asked as if nothing.
"I’m trying to save her suffering, as they do with horses." Discord excused himself.
Suddenly screams were heard below...
"You lied to me to rob Canvas from me, you're the worst friend ever!" That was Sunset Shimmer's voice.
"It’s all your fault for breaking me the boiler, witch!" This time the one who shouted was Rarity.
"The universe sent him to me, traitor!" Sunset yelled again.
"And now what the fuck is going on?" Cranky asked.
"C’mon, let's see," Sandalwood said.
Everyone ran down and ran into Sunset and Rarity arguing in front of the latter's door.
"You're not a friend, you're a street whore," Sunset shouted.
"It's not my fault that Canvas prefers me that I'm a sculptural woman with an ass hard as a rock..." Rarity said that last spanking her rear. "...that being with you that no man is paying attention to you because you’re already old and have the body of a teapot."
Sunset gasped at the attack on her physique. "Teapot me? And you’ve got the body of a bitch."
Sunset lunged at Rarity, grabbing her by the hair, to which the dressmaker responded by doing the same.
"Don’t pull my hair!" Rarity shouted.
Both began to pull their hair to the point where they ended up on the floor screaming and kicking eachother, but without loosening eachones hair.
"Are they fighting for the painter?" Bon Bon asked.
"Well, I don’t know what they see in him," Discord said.
"The thirties crisis..." Cranky said.
“WE’RE TWENTY-SEVEN!” Both girls stop to shout at Cranky and they continued their fight.
I was going upstairs next to Big Mac when we began to hear loud weeping, screams and insults. We ran in the direction of the noise and found the neighbors in the middle of the corridor.
"What the fuck is going on here?" I asked.
"The plan, which hasn’t gone well," Lyra said embarrassed.
"Now we have the crazy photographer crying up there, and these two desperate fighting here." Bon Bon said pointing at Rarity and Sunset trying to immobilize on the ground.
"So, nobody’s sleeping tonight," Cranky said.
"You both stop! You’re going to hurt each other." I said as I ran to grab Sunset by the waist to separate her from Rarity. "Sweetie Belle, come out! Big Mac help me!"
Big Mac ran in my help and Sweetie Belle stood in front of the door as if nothing crossing her arms.
"Canvas, paint me, I'm your muse!" Shouted Sunset.
"He’s not coming out you have scared the shit out of him." Sweetie Belle said.
"Sweetie Belle, grab your sister!" I yelled trying to hold back Sunset.
Sweetie Belle listened to me and grabbed her sister as she tried to drag her into their apartment.
"You will never find love! You're going to die alone! " Rarity shouted as she was held by her younger sister.
"Come on, sis, let's have a linden tea to see if you relax." Sweetie Belle said as she closed the door.
"Sunset, calm down, you’re not like this!" I said as I let my waitress out, waiting for her to calm down.
"No, don’t worry Bourbon, I'm calm, I'm fine..." Sunset looked at the neighbors. "Good night everybody." With that said, she left for home.
"Good night." The neighbors said in unison.
I leaned against the wall huffing and trying to analyze what had just happened.
"I hope y’all are happy..." Big Mac said to everyone's surprise. "Now because of yer plan we’ve got two friends confronted and a broken marriage."
"Come on, Big Mac, they didn’t love each other..." Bon Bon tried to say.
"So, what do ya know? Who do y’all think you are to decide on other people's lives?" I recognized that look, it was as if Big Mac was dropping everything he had kept inside. "They argued like crazy, yup, but they reconciled almost inmediately. Maybe it was their way of livin’ love, of sayin’ they loved each other, with passion... not like y’all who turn yer frustrations towards others to hide yer misfortunes."
Fuck, Big Mac; he can say speeches worthy of a politician if he wanted.
"Congrats y'all," he said as he went upstairs. "Up there you’ve got a woman suffering. But it's not her cryin’ what keeps y'all from sleepin’, it's yer conscience." Big Mac finished the row and left for home.
"Oh boy, that escalated quickly..." I said feeling proud of my roomie.
"What keeps me from sleeping is the loud cry," Cranky said.
"Cranky don’t be insensitive!" Matilda said nudging him.
"Great, now I feel bad because of this imbecile." Discord said with a long face.
"Big Mac’s right, we’ve been awful people," said Lyra sadly.
"The dark side has come out of us..." Sandalwood said.
Photo Finish was still crying like there was no tomorrow and everyone there could hear it.
"So, what do we do now?" Bon Bon asked.
"You people, I don’t know, I'm going to try to sleep, let’s see if we can fix this mess tomorrow." I said as I followed the steps of Big Mac on my way home with the photographer’s crying as accompaniment.
The next morning, I got up relatively early and met at Rarity’s door with Discord, Lyra and Sandalwood to talk to Canvas. We knocked on the door and Rarity received us freshly lifted.
"Good morning Rarity, we want to talk to the bohemian." Said Discord.
"The Bohemian is sleeping, and he has nothing to say to you," Rarity said.
"Rarity, come on, his wife is suffering a lot because of you," Lyra said.
"No, beg you pardon Lyra, it’s because of YOU; I only followed orders from Discord, who promised me in return to fix me the boiler." Rarity was a born negotiator; they weren’t going to pull the old bait and switch with her that easy.
"Yes, but only if the plan went well, it’s obvious that it hasn’t gone as we thought." said Discord.
"Come on, Rarity, you're not like that, you know very well what's right," I said, trying to appeal to the generous girl I knew she was.
"I don’t want to, Canvas was sent to me by the universe," she said with dreamy eyes.
"Yeah, we are like antennas that..." Sandalwood could not finish the sentence because he was interrupted by Discord.
"You shut up."
"Did you bang him?" Lyra asked smirking.
"That's not of your business," she said indignantly.
"Silence gives consent..." Lyra said with a mischievous smile.
Suddenly, Canvas left Rarity's room in his underwear, of course...
"What's wrong?" He asked confused.
"Bohemian, you have to go back to your wife," said Discord.
"No, I'm very well here with Rarity." Canvas responded.
"You're married, you swore allegiance to your wife," Lyra said.
"Yes, but she breaks my paintings, and I live from that."
"You don’t have to explain nothing to them," Rarity said as she led him inside the house. Then she turned to us with a gesture with her hands so that we got out from there. "Good morning." After this she closed the door in front of us.
"Then, I won’t fix your boiler anymore." Discord yelled.
Suddenly, as if he knew we were all awake, the crying started again.
"Ugh, she's crying again..." Lyra said.
"Poor woman, such a mess you’ve made with your ideas." Sandalwood said to Discord.
"My ideas? It was your idea..."
"No, weed smokers don’t think, remember?" That was a low blow from Sandalwood.
"Discord, you should give her comfort." Lyra suggested.
"You mean fuck her?" He asked. I want to believe he didn’t mean it.
"You sick! I said you went to talk to her, give her support."
"And why is not Bourbon going instead? He’s a psychologist." Discord was right, butI wasn’t going to take the fall for this.
"Oh no, this happened because of you, you break it, you bought it." I said without wanting more trouble. "Besides, I have to go to open the pub."
I left to work. At the door of the pub, Sunset was still visibly upset about yesterday. I didn’t want to ask so I just opened and prepared for another hard-working day.
The morning was normal, and I was grateful for having a little peace from time to time. Everything changed when Sunset received a call.
"Who was it?" I asked.
"It was Canvas, he wants me to go to Rarity's place now," she said. It wasn’t about to let Sunset escaping from work like that, but after yesterday, maybe it would be good for those three to talk quietly.
"Okay, go." Sunset looked at me hopefully. "There are not many clients, I can handle it. Come on, before I change my mind."
Sunset smiled at me and gave me a hug. Then she went out the door leaving me just cleaning the bar. I had no idea why the Bohemian wanted to see Sunset, but things couldn’t get any worse, right?
Sunset knocked on Rarity's door and it opened.
"And what are you doing here again?" Rarity asked without looking at her face. Sunset simply mimicked her gesturing.
"I called her," Canvas said from the living room, to Rarity's surprise. "Come on Sunset, please."
Rarity came quickly to Canvas as Sunset entered the apartment staring at Rarity with satisfaction.
"Why do you call her? What are you playing?" Rarity asked.
Canvas got in between the two girls to avoid another fight. "Let's see, I know you are good friends, and I don’t like that you have fought over me, I feel guilty."
"No, it's not your fault. It was this bitch who gave me a speech about friendship and respect and then stabbed me in the back." Sunset said looking at Rarity angrily.
"You’ve got a nerve; you sabotage my boiler to get ahead." Rarity defended herself.
"Canvas, I'm your muse," said Sunset in a gentle voice.
"No, I am his muse now." Said Rarity facing Sunset.
"Both! You're both my muses," said the painter suddenly, to which the two girls looked confused. "I'll be honest, I just got out of a somewhat complicated relationship... and I don’t feel in a position to have anything serious with anyone right now."
At this Sunset began to laugh pointing to Rarity, which had a look of desolation, that if it weren’t because Canvas was in front of her, she would have thrown to mourn on the couch. "Hahahaha, screw you, you're a booty call."
"You’re not even that," Rarity replied, to which Sunset fell silent.
"But you two are beautiful women, I like you a lot. That's why I've thought of something we three can do, as a farewell... "
Both remained looking surprised at the painter.
"What do you mean?" Rarity asked.
Meanwhile, in front of the bohemians’ flat, Discord and the gang were getting ready to talk with Photo Finish.
"I still think that this should be done by Bourbon, he is the psychologist," said Discord.
"No Discord, it's your responsibility." Lyra said.
"But what do I tell this girl? I don’t even know her." Discord kept making excuses. "Sandalwood, come in and give her a joint to see if she relaxes."
"No man, after smoking it gives you the blues and it's worse." The hippie replied.
"What happens? Are you afraid or what?" Lyra asked.
"I'm not afraid of anything," he said, playing bravely.
"Then come on." Sandalwood said, ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door twice.
They all hid, leaving Discord alone in front of the door. In an instant, Photo Finish opened, still in her pajamas and with huge dark circles under her eyes showing that she had spent the whole night crying.
"Ja?" She asked.
"Hi Photo Finish, I'm here to convey the support of the neighbors, so please, stop crying!" Discord emphasized the last words.
"Come in..." The photographer walked inside her house. Discord hesitated for a moment but entered and sat next to him on the couch.
Discord watched the wreckage in the house. Fruit and broken objects thrown everywhere, clutter, a broken chair in the middle of the room ... it seemed like a hurricane had passed.
"I would offer you something to drink... but I’ve broken the dishes," Photo Finish said in a sad tone of voice.
"No and more things... as Rich finds out you can already say goodbye to the bail." Discord said, but she started crying again. "But, hey don’t cry, woman, I'm comforting you."
"My life without Canvas doesn’t make sense," she said between tears.
"Oh, come on, yes it does..." Discord put his hand on his forehead losing patience.
"We were so happy…"
"Yes, we saw that… but you know, the other one is hotter." And so, she cried again harder. "Fuck... I mean, you're not bad either, but there's no comparison."
"I don’t want to live... he’s gone with another!"
"Look, I understand you, look at your landlord, Filthy Rich, his wife also cheated him several times... and he didn’t want to die." Discord explained. "Besides, I remember that he told me that he aimed with a pistol at one of her lovers, his wife's yoga teacher."
"And did he do well?" Curiously, Photo Finish calmed down when he heard that story.
"Well, it seems so, he was pretty calm afterwards."
"Give me a minute." Photo Finish got up and went to her room, she came with a gun in her hand and went towards the door.
"What the…? Where are you going?" Asked Discord, surprised and frightened.
"To kill that schwein!" She screamed.
"Oh... But I didn’t tell you anything, ok?" Discord shouted, getting up from the couch ready to leave that house.
In Rarity's place, Canvas was working on a painting with Rarity and Sunset in a pose in which they pulled their hair and grabbed their faces.
"There, still, don’t move," Canvas said to the girls.
"Oh, my stars darling." Said Rarity.
"And how do you say the painting is going to be called?" Asked Sunset.
"Female Friendship, that sells itself." Said Canvas proud of his wit.
"One moment, I'm missing," Sweetie Belle said from her room and running to where those two were to get in front of her doing a sexy pose.
"Sweetie Belle, this is not a snapshot, besides, you haven’t place in this painting," Rarity said.
"Don’t be like that, in the Renaissance paintings there was all kind of stuff." The little sister replied.
Suddenly a shot was heard from the door scaring everyone present.
"Canvas!" Photo Finish shouted.
"Holy fuck!" Shouted the painter.
Photo Finish fired once and Canvas fell to the ground, collapsing before the watchful eye of everyone.
Photo Finish approached slowly covering his mouth with one hand, as if she had repented immediately of what she had done...
"Holy crap! She shot at him as if nothing..." Lyra said surprised of what she had seen.
The noise of an ambulance pulled me out of my thoughts mostly because it had stopped near here. I decided to go out to see what was happening, and my surprise was huge when I saw that the ambulance had stopped in front of my building.
I ran there to see what had happened and I saw my friends go out with Canvas on a stretcher and Photo Finish at his side holding his hand.
I asked Discord what had happened, and he gave me the details. I couldn't give credit... it was completely surreal.
"Canvas my love, don’t die! I love you!" Photo Finish shouted, kissing him hand.
"I love you too, sweetheart..." he was babbling.
"So, she shoots him, and they reconcile, I don’t get it..." Sunset said confused.
"This is great Discord, fucking great; so instead of feeling guilty, you encourage them to kill each other." I told Discord.
"But they have reconciled, right? You’re complaining about everything." And he had even more things to say, seriously, this guy is a case study.
"Oh yeah, of course, you’re such an example of diplomacy..." I replied.
"Danke schön for everything," Photo Finish said, holding a gun in her hand. "Take this as a gift."
She gave the gun to Discord and he put it in his jacket without saying anything.
"Honey, are you coming or what?" Canvas shouted from the ambulance.
"Can’t you see I was saying goodbye to them?" She shouted as she climbed into the ambulance.
"I'm bleeding to death!"
"One more complain, and I get off."
"Here we go again..." Sandalwood said.
The ambulance doors closed, and they left. Soon, I would have a few words with Filthy Rich and about the kind of people who left us as neighbors...
"Well, I think we've all learned a great lesson today." I said, but everyone fell silent as if waiting for an answer.
"Which one?" Sandalwood asked.
"Forget it Sandalwood. Let’s go to the bar, I invite y’all to a round." I said wanting to put an end to this crazy anecdote.
"That's the smartest thing I've heard all week," said Discord following me.
"But what about my boiler?" Rarity asked.
"Don't worry, I pay you the damage repair." Said Sunset. "Friends?"
Rarity smiled and hugged Sunset. "Friends."
"Yeah, until the next guy arrives." Said Sweetie Belle laughing.
"What do you mean, you’re leaving for the weekend?" I asked Sunset rather bewildered.
"The girls and I have a performance at a party away from here, along with other groups, so I wanted to know if I could take those two days off." Said Sunset.
"Look, Sunset, it's not the fact that you're leaving, it's that you could have told me with a little more in advance." I complained. "If you had warned me three days ago, I could have organized myself better."
"I'm sorry, boss, I know this is so sudden, but we were recommended by one of Applejack’s cousins, and she couldn’t say no."
"Okay, look, I think I’ll close the pub this weekend and I also take a break. Maybe I can help Big Mac with his heartache."
"Wait, are you going to close the pub?" Asked Discord after sipping his beer. "What am I supposed to do all this weekend alone?"
"You can rent a movie and buy a bag of popcorn, what do you tell me?" This guy makes me crazy sometimes.
"Thank you so much boss." Sunset responded giving me a hug. "I’m going to call the girls and tell them to count with me." She said while retiring to talk on the phone.
"I can’t believe you're going to close the pub for a whole weekend." Discord said indignantly.
"Hey, I have the right to rest sometimes too." I replied. The truth is that a break won’t hurt me. After the last events it was just what I needed.
Suddenly my mobile phone rang, I did not recognize the number, but I answered.
"Hello?"
"Alo, mon ami ." It was me, or they were speaking to me in French?
"Err... sorry, but I think you’ve got the wrong number." I replied.
"Bourbon, don’t you recognize me anymore?" I thought for a moment, until I recognized that voice.
"Wait, Danny, is that you?"
"Ouais , ça va ?"
Danny, old Gator Danny. He was a friend of mine for a long time who lived in the bayou, I hadn’t seen him for a few years, since I finished college and returned to Canterlot, but we’ve kept in touch since then. Although he often had the habit of speaking to me in French, I didn't know if he was doing it to annoy me or because he really enjoyed speaking his mother tongue. I think it was a bit of both...
"I'm not complaining, truth to be told; how about you, you crazy Cajun?"
"I was going to propose something to you." I decided to listen carefully. "This weekend we have a party in the bayou, there will be music, food, BOOZE..." What a clever bastard, he knew how to play his chards on me... “I thought that maybe you wanted to come and have some fun... Cajun style."
"Well now that you say, I have this weekend off. But I can’t go, I have a friend who feels so bad for his ex-girlfriend and needs my help." I really wanted to see my friend, but I could not leave Big Mac alone...
"Bring him man! If it's for a girl, there'll be many gals here, even from outside of town; I've heard that a band only of girls is coming to town and they’re all hotties."
I laughed at Danny's comment, although he gave me a good idea. "You know? I think it's a good plan, a totally new environment could help Big Mac. Ok, count on us, we'll see you on Saturday. "
After hanging up, a smile spread across my face from ear to ear. Since I opened the pub, I'd hardly had time for me, much less leave the city. This was the opportunity I needed, now I just had to convince Mac...
Hours later I closed the pub to get lunch. Cheese, Mac and I ate quietly until I decided to bring up the festival thing...
"Hey guys, an old friend who lives in the bayou called me this morning and invited us to a Fais do-do they are preparing, it’s a kind of Cajun hoedown. What do you think?"
"A party at the bayou?" Cheese asked surprised. "I don’t see why not, it's been a long time since the last spree."
I knew that Cheese would be easy to convince, but now was Big Mac’s turn. "Bourbon, I don’t know, I don’t feel like partyin’.” He said somewhat discouraged.
"Oh, come on Mac, are you going to spend all weekend lying on the couch and weeping over Sugar Belle?" Asked Cheese.
"He's right, how long do you plan to be like this?" I asked. "Look, I think you could use a change of scenery. What you need is go somewhere new, some place that would really help you to disconnect."
Big Mac looked at us, although my purpose was to go out and have fun, everything I told the eldest of the Apples was true. If he allowed himself to be absorbed by routine, he would never forget Sugar Belle.
"I guess we would go in mah truck, right?" He said. Great, I already had him almost convinced.
"How else? Cheese doesn’t have a car, and I think we would be very tight on my bike..." I replied sarcastically.
"Okay, I think changin’ the mood will be good for me, but I warn ya, Bourbon." Suddenly Big Mac turned to me, looking at me seriously and pointing me with his finger. "No uncontrolled drunkenness."
"I'll try..." No way, actually I knew I was going to drink up to the bayou water if they let me.
Saturday at last! It was early in the morning and I was finishing showering. Cheese Sandwich and Big Mac were almost ready, and they were waiting for me while they had a coffee.
"Bourbon, why are you always the last one?" Cheese complained while I got dressed.
"Stop complaining, I'm out already!" I yelled.
My attire wasn’t nothing special, jeans, a simple shirt and a denim vest; Well, it wasn't really a vest, but an old jacket that I cut its sleeves long time ago...
The icing on the cake was my hat. A straw hat worn and with several bullet holes.
"Hey! Yer old hat! Man, I didn’t see it in years." Big Mac said.
“I'm not used to wearing hats lately, although it's also true that it seems like it was centuries ago the last time when I went out for a party." I replied smiling.
"Do you remember when you almost lost it in the desert in Mexicolt?" Commented Cheese Sandwich, laughing.
"Shut up, don’t remind me, I almost had a heart attack." When I was ready, I turned to my colleagues. "Well, we're leaving?"
"Eeyup." Big Mac said.
As expected, Big Mac drove his truck while I guided him to reach Danny's village in the bayou. Cheese Sandwich was getting a good nap at the back of the pickup while we listened some music to get us into mood .
"Hey Mac, why don’t we stop and rest a little? We still have 20 minutes left." I asked.
"Eeyup, we also have to refuel." The gas meter was almost empty.
Soon we found a honky tonk with a gas station. While Mac stopped to refuel, Cheese and I went into the bar to drink and relieve our bladders.
The atmosphere was quite relaxed, a few cowboys and bikers and occasional truckers drinking to the sound of blues songs.
"It's nice to have a beer and not being the one who serves it, you know?" I said to Cheese Sandwich as we sat at a table.
"It has to be stressful to work in the pub." He commented.
"Yes, it is, but, honestly, I would not change it for anything at this moment."
"I toast for it." Cheese and we crashed our beers and took a drink.
Soon Big Mac arrived, with another beer in his hand.
"I'm looking forward to partying." Said Cheese Sandwich excited, banging the table like a drum.
"When don’t ya feel like partyin’?" Big Mac asked rhetorically.
Suddenly a moan from a man was heard from the bar. I looked up and I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was Applejack, who had grabbed a guy by the arm and pinned him down.
"What the fuck?" I got up in the direction of the bar to meet Big Mac's sister. "AJ? What are you doing here?"
"Bourbon?" Apparently, Applejack was as surprised to see me as I was to her. "This varmint has tried to grab mah ass."
I watched the guy who tried not to notice the expression of pain he had at that moment. The worst thing is that I knew him too...
"Holy shit... Six-Shots McColt?" I asked.
"Bourbon Maverick?" He asked looking at me. Applejack left him surprised that we knew each other. "Well, well, what brings you here? Have you followed me to take back what is mine?"
"You know too well that I had nothing to do with it. Maybe if you weren’t playing fool in that game of poker things would have been very different." I said looking at him serious.
"Oh, excuse me sir, you fooled me once and never again, but I don’t hold a grudge on you. Also, today I have a fine business, so I don’t care if you stand between me and another girl." McColt turned to look at Applejack and then looked at me. "By the way, be careful with this filly, she's too much woman for you, drunken Lyrish."
McColt left looking at me badly, I didn’t take my eyes off him until he left the bar. Another girl entered the bar after leaving McColt, nothing more and nothing less than Sunset Shimmer.
"Boss? What are you doing here?" Sunset asked surprised.
"That’s what I wanted to ask you two." Then the pieces fit together. "Wait, are you going to the bayou? You have that concert there?"
"Yup, we were recommended by a relative of mine, Fiddly Twang, do ya go there, too?" Applejack asked.
"Yeah, and not alone I’m afraid." I nodded toward the table where Big Mac and Cheese Sandwich were. When they saw us, they approached the bar as well.
We chatted for a while laughing at the incident with McColt and we went out to meet the rest of the Rainbooms in front of a bus that looked like it was a school bus. The girls were also happy to see us and once their vehicle was full of gas, they followed us to Danny's house.
The bayou area had a peculiar beauty. The trees and the swamp, and all those animals that populated it, from majestic herons to ferocious alligators.
Actually, the town wasn’t very big. The girls had to park the bus in the outskirts, and they all followed me to Danny's house.
My friend lived in a more or less large house, with a large garden overlooking the marsh and a small stable where he kept a horse. Danny was sitting on the porch steps at the main entrance.
"Don’t get up gentleman, I don’t want you to try hard." I said sarcastically.
"Oh, then I don’t need to receive you, go back where you came from." He replied.
After a silence of five seconds we both laughed, and Danny came over to give me a hug.
"It’s been a long time you Lyrish drunkard!" Danny told me.
"It's the second time that they call me that today...You look fine, you crazy Cajun! Hold on, let me introduce you." Then Danny and I went to where the rest were. "Guys, this is my friend Gator Danny."
"Enchanté. " Danny said.
"Well, they are Big Macintosh and Cheese Sandwich, my roommates; and they are Sunset Shimmer, my waitress; Applejack, Big Mac’s sister; Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie."
Everyone greeted Danny and he offered to show us his house and grounds.
"I’ll go to see Fiddly Twang and tell her we're here, Mac, do ya wanna come?" Applejack said.
"Eeyup."
The Apple siblings left, leaving the rest with Gator Danny.
"Come with me, y’all must be tired, do you want something to drink?" He asked.
"Don’t ask me twice." I answered, anticipating the others.
“Y’all can also leave your luggage inside.”
Inside the house, Danny offered us a drink; Cheese, Sunset and I drank beer, while Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie preferred cider.
"So, where do you two meet?" Sunset asked, referring to Danny and me.
"We met at Mardi Gras, or rather, I found him at Mardi Gras." Danny said laughing.
"What does that mean?" Rarity asked curiously.
"It turns out that this moron was drunk and alone in the streets and I found him stumbling. I offered him accommodation, he stayed at ma maison and since then we have been good friends. "
"Hey, I wasn’t that drunk..." I complained.
"Oh really? As soon as you came to the village you fell into the water! He came out looking like the Swamp Thing." Everyone in front of Danny's story broke into a laugh. I simply looked away with a stern look on my face and I just took a sip of my beer.
"The next day he was so honte that he offered to pay me for the accommodation."
" You also surpassed me the next day. He ended up drunk, lying on a bench in the street and said: 'Mon amí , can I tell you something?' I was confused, but I went to listen to him, to which he replied crying: 'I don’t want to break up with my girlfriend!' Now it was Danny's turn to be ashamed. Well, my story also had parts that were the very definition of cringe.
"Well, I was young and idiotic; mostly idiotic. But now I see that all of that was for good, she was a bitch." Danny said. "By the way, I have one thing for you, Bourbon."
The Cajun went to a piece of furniture and from one of the drawers pulled out a corn pipe.
"Here, a present for you."
"Man, thank you very much. If you have tobacco, I'd kiss you on the mouth."
"Ouais , but in return you have to help me with the food, I'm going to prepare my famous piquant." Danny told me.
“Of course, man, whenever you want.” I answered.
"Alons , let's go outside."
Danny and I took a few things out of the fridge and took it to the garden. There he had prepared his barbecue and the rest of his stoves. While Danny prepared the meat, I cut the vegetables of the Trinity: green pepper, celery and onion. Man, how I hate to chop onions, I can’t stop crying...
"Hey Danny, just one thing, Fluttershy is a vegetarian so let's see if we can do something for her." I explained to my friend.
"Who? That cute pink-haired girl?" I nodded. "How didn’t she say it before?"
"Because she's very shy, but hey, can you think of something?"
"Well yes, look for a few okras and more of the Trinity, taking advantage of the piquant we will also make a veggie gumbo."
I did what he asked, and I came back with more vegetables, but that meant having to chop more onions... well, Fluttershy deserved it.
"Do y’all need help with somethin’?" Asked someone approaching the garden.
It was Applejack who had arrived with Big Macintosh and another girl I didn’t recognize. She had a long blue hair, wore a green shirt and a denim skirt, an orange bandana over her neck and a white hat on her head. In her hand she carried a small case, probably a fiddle.
"Let me introduce you, she is Fiddly Twang, our cousin." Applejack explained.
"Nice to meet y’all," she said, lowering the brim of her hat slightly.
If I have to be honest, that girl reminded me a lot of Octavia Melody, the CHS cellist and who now shared a flat with Vinyl; that’s it, if Octavia dressed like a country girl and changed her cello for a fiddle.
For some reason she gave me a strange look... or so it seemed to me. I kept cooking until she approached.
"Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? "She asked me, approaching where I was preparing the piquant.
"Wait, isn’t that an old song?" I asked laughing a little.
"Maybe." She said smiling and putting his finger in the pot, then he brought it to his mouth savoring it. "Mmmmm, piquant; Gator and you are good chefs. "
"Well just wait to really check it out, Fiddly." Danny answered laughing.
The same were my imaginations, but I would swear Applejack looked worried.
"So, flirting with Fiddly Twang?" Danny approached me and asked smiling mischievously.
"What? No... well, I don’t think so."
Being honest is not that I care much. Fiddly Twang was an attractive girl, there was no doubt about that, but I didn’t feel very comfortable really...
Sometimes I think I'm an idiot.
The food was ready. We serve the gumbo and the piquant with rice. They were delicious.
"Boss, Gator, this is delicious," said Sunset Shimmer.
"It's a family recipe." Danny said.
"It's very good, but this chicken has a strange texture." Rarity asked.
"Yeah, that's because it's not chicken." Danny replied.
"What is it then?" Dash asked puzzled.
"Alligator." Answered the Cajun laconically.
At that moment all except the Apples, Danny and I stopped eating with wide eyes. Well, Fluttershy was not eating the piquant, but she was still very surprised. Pinkie on the other hand shrugged and continued eating as if nothing.
"You see? That's the expression I was hoping for." I said to Danny.
"So, you knew it..." Twilight told me.
"Yes, if I told you something before eating it wouldn’t be funny."
"Well, the taste is fine, in fact, I almost care more about the spice," said Sunset drinking water. She already had three glasses in a row.
"Hey, if ain't hurt in the bite, be sure the piquant ain't right." Danny said. Too bad that not everyone liked spicy like us.
After the food came the booze. I enjoyed like a child with a good dram of Southern Comfort.
"Ah, that's the stuff!" I said savoring the drink.
"Yeah right; hey Fiddly, do you sign up for a couple of sessions?"
"Of course!"
"Does anyone know how to play the accordion?" Danny asked.
"Me!" Cheese said.
"I’ve got a Cajun accordion, but I think I can teach you a couple of tricks."
Gator Danny and Cheese Sandwich entered the house and came out with a violin and a diatonic accordion. Danny was explaining to Cheese the differences between his accordion and the Cajun accordion.
"Bourbon, I guess you brought your guitar or your banjo, why don’t you go get it while I teach Cheese a couple of songs?"
"Good idea, I’ll be right back. Can anyone join me? "
"Mahself," said Fiddly Twang.
Fiddly accompanied me to the Big Mac truck and took my guitar and banjo from there.
"Do you know how to play both?" She asked me.
"Yes, I started with the guitar when I was a kid and then I learned to play the banjo thanks to a guy I met in my father's town."
"That's cool, I've been playin’ the fiddle since I was a child too, whenever there's an Apple Family reunion, it's me who plays it." It wasn’t strange for me to imagine the Apples dancing in a hoedown. As far as I knew there were quite talented country musicians in that family, and Big Mac, Applejack and Applebloom were no exception. Applejack played great guitar and bass, but the icing on the cake was her voice, she had a beautiful voice.
When we arrived, the first thing I heard was Cheese Sandwich playing the accordion.
"Hey Bourbon, do you remember that song I taught you a long time ago?" Danny asked me.
"That of a guy who asked a woman for permission to marry her daughter?" I asked.
"That one. Come on, take out the guitar, and you Fiddly take out the fiddle! "
"At your orders Gator." The young violinist replied.
Once we were all in position, they started playing Cheese the accordion and Danny the fiddle. Once we joined them Fiddly Twang and me, Danny started singing.
A simple song, and, still, pretty. I think that kind of music was what made me fall in love with the Cajun lifestyle. Well, that, and the food, of course.
After that, Gator continued playing another song that I knew well. A song that spoke about his grandfather’s country . I even allowed myself the freedom to do a little guitar solo, which followed a fiddle solo and an accordion solo. I was glad to see that the girls danced to the sound of Cajun melodies.
"That was super duper fun!" Pinkie said excitedly. "You have improved a lot with the accordion Cheese."
"Thanks, Pinkie." Cheese Sandwich answered with a smile.
Suddenly there was a noise coming from inside Danny's house. He came running and I followed him to see what happened. Apparently, the noise was coming from a ham radio and they were trying to get in touch with Danny.
"Gator, answer, over." the voice said on the other side of the frequency.
"Go ahead.” Answered Danny.
"We've seen strangers in the bayou, near Grand Marie's lair; Could you go take a look? Over."
"Merde , I’ll be there in five minutes. Over and out."
Danny disconnected the radio.
"What's up, buddy?" I asked worriedly.
"They say there's something wrong in the bayou, I'm going to check it out," he replied.
"I’m coming with you."
From my backpack I took out a shoulder holster with a revolver in it and hid it under my vest. If you had to go into the bayou, you preferred to be prepared.
About to leave the house, the rest of the group decided to accompany us. We arrived at a small dock where Danny had a large airboat. As only a few of us could go in the boat, Dash, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy accompanied us; the latter and Twilight were very interested in seeing the fauna of the bayou.
After starting the engine and turning on the music player we navigate through the waters of the marsh.
"So, where did you say we were going?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"To Grand Marie's lair, I've been told they've heard strange noises out there," Danny explained.
"Who or what is Grand Marie?" Rarity asked.
"The largest alligator of this bayou, and she's albino. It is also protected, and they say that it is the oldest inhabitant in the region, some say she’s almost 200 years old. "
"200 years?" I couldn’t believe what I heard. " If that's true, that creature must be huge."
"And she is, mon ami. She certainly is..." Danny looked at me with a sinister smirk.
I admit that it gave me chills, the simple fact of imagining a gigantic alligator near the boat caused me not to take my eyes off the water at any time.
Fortunately, Gator was not a fool and he had a rifle with him, I thank myself for having my gun at hand...
Soon we reached the area of the lair, and apparently there was nothing strange until we noticed a boat with a couple of guys carrying cages. In them there were several baby alligators.
"Hey! What are you doing?" Danny yelled, grabbing his rifle.
The strange guys were armed, of course. But we were as quick as them at the time of drawing and we aimed at them with our respective weapons.
“Ugh, fuck me... Bourbon is that you?" I recognized that voice instantly.
"Fucking McColt. It seemed too much of a coincidence to have met you before... What the hell are you doing here? "
"Ain't that obvious? Selling moonshine can be profitable at times, but selling exotic animals, that's where you get real money, "explained McColt.
"Do you capture them to sell them? You are despicable." Fluttershy said indignantly. I've never seen it like this before.
"And who are you, another hippie environmentalist who wants to screw us the business?" McColt replied.
"Hey! Respect the lady." Gator said without stopping pointing him with his rifle.
"Look, I don’t intend to continue with this, you're not going to screw up this business Bourbon; say goodbye."
At that moment McColt and his buddy fired without giving us time to react. We crouched closing our eyes, but no bullet hit us, on the contrary, it seemed as if they had bounced against something.
When I opened my eyes, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There was a huge diamond in front of us and I saw Rarity whose hand shone brightly. Did she materialize that boulder?
"But, what the...?" I snapped to say.
"Any creature, please help us." Said Fluttershy out of nowhere.
Suddenly the water near McColt's boat began to move, and before we knew it something emerged from it.
It was a huge albino alligator, the biggest thing I had ever seen, and he went straight to attack McColt's boat. That ruffian shouted like a pig in the slaughterhouse while the huge beast bit the hull of his boat.
"Mon Dieu , that's Grand Marie's hospitality." Gator said almost laughing.
But how could she appear like this all of a sudden? Did… did Fluttershy call her?
McColt didn’t waste any time and started the engine to get out of there like the devil's soul. Despite having lost a piece of the boat it could sail without problem.
"What the hell was all that?!" I asked between surprised and scared.
"Questions later," said Dash. "Go after them, I’ll go back to town to warn the others and call the police."
"How do you plan to go back alone?" Gator asked.
"Just do what I say." Before we knew it, Rainbow Dash vanished leaving behind a rainbow trail.
For a moment I was dumbfounded, but after realizing that McColt was running away, I yelled at Danny to start and that's how our persecution began.
Although Danny's airboat was large, he wasn’t far behind in speed and we were not short of McColt's boat. They started to shoot at us, of course, but luckily Rarity did whatever it was before and hid us behind huge diamonds that bounced the bullets .
"Twilight, you have to take their weapons off!" Rarity shouted. At this point I did not ask myself how Twilight was going to take those cocoons from their weapons.
"I need to be closer!" Our nerdy friend yelled.
In a moment when Rarity disappeared the diamond because she was tired, I took advantage and fired my revolver against McColt’s boat. I didn’t want to kill him, only to disable his boat, although I have to admit that I would not worry if I hurt him with a bullet.
While I responded to the shots and Rarity defended us with her diamond shields, Danny accelerated more and more until leaving us almost to slipstream of McColt.
"Twilight, do it now!" Rarity shouted.
Twilight looked with concentration at McColt and his buddy, suddenly her hand shone with a purple color and the weapons of our enemies were wrapped in an aura of the same color. Suddenly, the weapons began to float before the look of disbelief of McColt and his henchman. Scared, McColt put the boat at full speed while we continued chasing them.
"Is there no way to stop them?" I asked.
"If there was at least one way to overturn the boat," Danny said.
"Oh, I got it!" Pinkie yelled suddenly. I had no idea what had crossed her mind, but I had long since learned not to question Pinkie in almost anything...
Our crazy friend took some confetti out of her pocket. Was she thinking about making a cake? Pinkie put the confetti in her hand, it flashed and threw the confetti near McColt's boat. Without warning, the confetti exploded causing a wave making the criminals to lose their balance and fall into the water.
McColt and his buddy rushed back to the boat, but the noise of our weapons forced them to stop.
"Don’t even think about it McColt." I said as I pointed the revolver at him.
He didn’t say anything, he just stared at me with a cold expression full of hate...
We kept those two goons under control until the sheriff arrived in an airboat along with Rainbow Dash, Sunset, Applejack, Big Mac and Cheese.
"You’ve done a good job, thanks to you we have finally caught this alcohol smuggler, what we didn’t know is that now he was involved in illegal wildlife trade..." commented the sheriff as he thanked us for the effort.
"Bourbon, you bastard! You’re gonna regret this! "McColt yelled as they took him handcuffed.
"Watch the back door while you're in prison McColt..." I said smirking. Maybe it wasn’t so clever to piss off McColt in this situation, but I could not help it.
"Danny, can you take those baby alligators back to Grand Marie’s lair?" Asked the sheriff.
"Bien sûr sheriff. Allons, let's take these little ones with mommy." Gator said, and the Apples, Sunset, Rainbow and Cheese got on their airboat.
When we arrived, we left those little fellas in the lair, and I could see Fluttershy literally talking to some alligators. Suddenly, Danny noticed one thing.
"Hey, wait a minute..." he said as he opened one of the cages and pulled out the animal inside. "This is not an alligator."
Gator showed a small caiman that he held in his hands.
"If it's not an alligator, what is it?" Cheese asked.
"It's a dwarf caiman, it's strange, this isn’t a local species."
"Oh my gosh, it's so cute!" Pinkie Pie suddenly said.
"Well, what are you going to do with him?" I asked.
"It's not from the bayou, that's quite sure; McColt must have captured it somewhere else before." Danny deduced. "Hey Pinkie, if you like it, why don’t you keep it?"
"Really?" The pink-haired girl asked, eyes shining.
"Hold on a second Danny, are you fucking serious? Pinkie, you can’t have an alligator in your house." I tried to appeal to reason, what my Cajun friend proposed was crazy.
"Come on Bourbon, it's a dwarf caiman, they don’t grow much more than a medium dog." Danny handed the caiman to Pinkie. The argument did not convince me so much.
"I'd love to keep him," Pinkie said smiling as she held the little creature.
"Uhm, I can help you with this little baby Pinkie, if you want." said Fluttershy approaching.
"You too Fluttershy?" I asked, about to give up.
“Come on Bourbon, look at his cute little face.” Pinkie put the caiman just an inch from my face, although it could be cute, his inexpressiveness made me nervous, he was staring at me with his mouth and eyes wide open.
"Ok, Pinkie, do what you want, let’s see what your sister says about that animal. But if someone in the building starts screaming in fear, I don’t want to know anything."
Cheese Sandwich approached Pinkie to see the animal more closely. "And, what’s going to be his name?"
"I got it, I'll call him Gummy," Pinkie said, giving a caress to the alligator, he did not seem unfazed, just opened his mouth while looking at nothing with that lost expression.
"Great... now there's going to be a caiman in the building, by the way, girls, if you don’t mind, could you explain me what the hell was what happened before?!" I yelled, eager for answers...
A few hours later I was sitting on a log around a fire, drinking a beer while some Cajun music played. The Fais Do Do was really going great, people had worked hard to have everything ready.
The Rainbooms played their songs and everybody loved it. After them, a band played a tribute to the Creedence, and, as my favorite songs were played, I dance a little. Or at least I tried.
For eating, there was gumbo, crawfish pie, jambalaya... and of course liquor and beer.
Suddenly a pair of hands covered my eyes, leaving me somewhat surprised.
"Hey boss, what's up?" Said a female voice.
“Sunset, we aren’t at the pub, you don’t have to call me ‘boss’ here.” I said while laughing a little.
“I’m starting to think that beers are glued to you by some surgical operation.” Sunset mocked me while sitting next to me.
“Some kids born with a silver spoon in them mouth, I was born with a bottle under my arm.” We both laugh at my bad joke.
“Hey, isn’t that hat a little bit old and worn-out?” Asked Sunset with curiosity.
“It is, it was my great grandpa’s; he was a nice man, but kinda trigger happy… all these bullet holes were made in a gunfire with a guy who look at him suspicious in the local saloon. He won the duel and since then he always thought this hat gave him luck. It’s been from generation to generation…”
"Wow, what a story. I hope I haven’t offended you."
I closed my eyes and made a gesture with my hand showing that I didn’t care about her comment.
"Well... so y’all have magic... and you’re really a pony from another world."
Although the girls had explained me the whole story before, I still didn't give credit.
"So hard to believe?" Said Sunset laughing. "Keep in mind that you missed many things after leaving the CHS."
"Yeah, you can say that again... so, Applejack is super strong, Rainbow Dash's superfast, Twilight has telekinesis, Fluttershy talks to animals, Rarity invokes diamonds just because and Pinkie can cause explosions by throwing confetti... what can you do?"
"Well... when I touch people, I can hear their thoughts, and when I concentrate, I can explore their memories." I looked at Sunset curiously, although now that I thought about it...
“Wait a second... of course! That's why that time you woke me up with a hangover at the pub, you knew I was drinking and singing with Berry Punch." Sunset shrugged her shoulders while looking at me with a smile of embarrassment and caressing my arm.
I kept thinking about how burdensome that power had to be in everyday situations, what would happen when she gets laid with someone?
"I learned to control it some time ago, although you would be surprised by what many guys think while they’re in bed."
"Did you read my mind right now?" I asked scared.
Sunset laughed. "Sorry, I could not resist."
I really couldn’t get angry with Sunset. As I drank my beer, I watched the atmosphere around me, on stage Danny was playing with Fiddly Twang and other individuals. Fiddly sang a cheerful song while people danced, well not all...
"Just look at that, apparently some people don’t waste time," I said to Sunset pointing to a scene in front of me. Pinkie Pie sitting on Cheese Sandwich’s lap literally devouring him with kisses.
"Wow, definetly they know how to have fun. I’m surprised they took so long, especially after what happened in the prom." Said Sunset.
"Oh, but these two..." Sunset didn’t let me finish, she just nodded. "So, the girl Cheese was talking about that much in Mexicolt was Pinkie Pie... Now everything fits."
"And speaking of girls, are you going to tell me once and for all what the hell is going on between you and Applejack?" Direct to the point, that was Sunset.
"What are you talking about?"
"Bourbon, I'm not an idiot, I've noticed how you look at her; Listen, I just want to help, tell me what happens, in case that you don’t remember, I have my methods to find out." She said that by showing her hand and waving her fingers. I was against the sword and the wall.
"Do you really want to know? All right, all yours... "I said extending my arm. "But first I have to confess a thing to you, I’m not completely Lyrish you know? I was born in the land of my father, in a town in a region called Applelachia. I had a normal life, until my mother, fed up with how things were going on in her marriage, started fooling around with an old friend of her youth, and my father out of spite went away with my mother's so called best friend... back then that affected me a lot, especially in my interpersonal relationships. I lost faith in love and friendship at the same time. After getting into troubles in Applelachia, my father told me to get away from home, he took me to a school far away, he gave me money, and so, with a mat, a guitar and my clothes I ended up in Canterlot... Now you can look freely."
Sunset listened to my story carefully without saying anything. She seemed to doubt what she was going to do, but she touched my arm and his eyes shone white. I felt as if I was beginning to remember certain things from my past, and I knew that Sunset was experiencing them too...
I was trying to put the code of my locker to get certain things, but that stupid thing didn’t open.
Great... another tale to start another shitty day.
When I arrived at the CHS I didn’t try very hard to make new friends, besides being the new kid I was a bad-tempered asshole, so no one was really interested in being my friend, well except that funny girl with the wild pink hair; she was a bit weird, but I wasn’t going to judge others by their behavior or their way of being as long as they didn’t try to fuck with me...
"Set aside losers!" Said a female voice at the end of the hall.
And speaking of wich, the example of what I said before comes in. From a distance I could see a girl with red and yellow hair dressed in an orange skirt, a purple top and a leather jacket. When she passed by me, she tried to practice her air of superiority, although I just looked at her with disdain. Well, also I kept staring at her ass.
"What happens loser? Are you looking at my perfect rear?" Said that pretentious bitch.
"Well yup, it's always better that looking at your face." I said completely tactfully. Nobody in that school dared to say anything to that girl, Sunset Shimmer, but I couldn’t care less.
"What did you say?" Bingo! I had pissed her off.
"Oh sorry, I think you've misunderstood me, I apologize." I said. "I wanted to say that I'm not interested in looking at your face, you boastful bitch." One of my faults is that I don’t mince my words. But I was sick tired of this, one thing was that chick who called herself 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' and spoke mostly in the third person, but that chick was harmless; This Sunset Shimmer, I didn’t know where she had escaped from, but she had practically the whole CHS under her control when I arrived, however, I wasn't going to get scared by her.
"You... you’re going to regret this," she said red with anger as she walked away from there.
"Uh, I’m trembling in fear..." I said sarcastically. In any case, I continued minding with my own bussiness. "This fucking lock..."
Fed up with the lock, I kicked it hard and I managed to open it.
From there I only got the important thing: a pack of cigarettes and a flask.
"I remember that!" Said Sunset, releasing my arm suddenly. "You were a total dick... and yes, I’m talking about total dicks."
"Look, now that you're a good girl and I like you, I can tell you: I'm sorry for calling you a boastful bitch, but at the time I wasn’t very interested in making friends, much less that a high school bully messed with me."
"Yeah, well, I think I deserved that..." Sunset scratched her neck in embarrassment. "In fact, I remember trying to get revenge on you for that, but you practically disappeared from the school, what happened?"
"Well, I never liked to get attention, but keep looking and you'll find answers." I offered my arm back to Sunset and continued putting her magic into practice.
Nothing like a good cigarrette in high school toilets. While I was lost in my thoughts, I heard someone entering. To my surprise he knocked on the door of the toilet where I was.
"Occupied, if you want to spin, there are more free sites..." I shouted.
"Are you Bourbon Maverick?" Said the one on the other side.
"What do you want from me, an autograph? Why don’t you let me smoke in peace?" I didn’t have the nerve for this bullshit.
"I'm Flash Sentry, I want to talk to you about what you said to my girlfriend before." Wait, did he say girlfriend?
I got up from the toilet and opened the door looking surprised at the guy I had in front of me. He was a boy with spikey blue hair and with the looks of a rocker.
"Please, don’t tell me you're the boyfriend of that crazy bacon haired bitch..." I said looking surprised, he returned a similar look.
"Hey, mind your tongue! Look, between you and me, I know that Sunset is... a hard person, but..." Flash could not finish since I interrupted him.
"Hard person? That's a nice way to say 'a pain in the ass'." I said taking a good puff. I know I was tempting my luck, but seriously, I hate when people interrupt me while I'm smoking. "Listen, I'm sicked tired of this bullshit, so why don’t you let me smoke my cigarrette in peace and give your girl a good fuck to see if she turns nicer..."
Flash looked at me between angry and surprised, I think at that time he didn’t know whether to hit me or just insult me...
"Can I ask you something?" I said and he nodded. "What the hell did you see in Sunset Shimmer to date her? I mean, she’s hot and so, but being a beast under the sheets doesn't seem enough for me..."
"What are you talking about?" Flash said confused.
"Why are you Sunset's boyfriend? Clearly, she must have something, but come on, I can’t see anything good in her despite being a hottie... "
Flash remained silent looking at the void...
"Oh boy, if you need to think about it, bad stuff." I said, puffing on the cigarrette.
"I really don’t know... it was her who asked me out, and I... well, I accepted and we’ve been dating until now." Flash looked lost.
"Are you happy?" I asked laconically.
"Sorry?"
"I asked if you're happy with your life."
"Yes, well, I think so..."
"Being happy is just a transient state, but if you aren’t able to know when you are, you should stop and think about what makes you happy and what not." I said, I don’t know why I was giving advices to this guy, but for some reason I felt that I had to.
I took one last puff on the cigar and throw it into one toilet. I looked at the time and I remembered with distaste that I had a math class. I wasn’t going to put up with that... sober...
"And now mathematics... so excited to see that donkey’s face."
“You mean professor Cranky?”
“The one and only.” After saying that I took out my flask and took a couple of drinks.
"What are you drinking?" Asked Flash.
"Whiskey, you want some?"
"No, no. I don’t drink." Flash said surprised.
"You will someday, you are a musician, one day you will realize that in that world wherever you go you won’t be alone, but apart from the guitar your only faithful friend will be alcohol."
"I don’t know if that's the most pessimistic thing I've heard or the most poetic. Anyway, thanks for the advice, you know? I think you would be a good psychologist." Me? A psychologist? I laughed at the comment.
"I doubt it so much." I answered, leaving with the flask in my hand.
A while later I was in class pretending to listen to Cranky Doodle. I hate math, the problem is that I was sleeping after drinking almost all the flask of whiskey.
"Bourbon Maverick, do you know the answer?" Professor Cranky asked.
"Who the hell cares?" I asked without realizing what he was saying.
"Excuse me?" Cranky asked.
"I don’t give a damn..." I said raising my head. “Math is bullshit."
All the students stared at me.
"Oh my gosh..." Rainbow Dash said between laughs covering her face with her hand.
"Go to vice principal Luna's office! Right now! "Cranky shouted.
"Huh... am I going to meet all the sourpuss gals in this school?" I whispered.
I staggered from the desk, stumbling over almost everything with laughter and strange looks from everyone.
"Are you okay?" Cranky asked.
"Yes, it's just a sugar crash..."
And so, I just got out of class and closed the door.
"Did you really go drunk to class?!" Sunset asked.
"As I told you, I used to do a lot of stupid things back then." I explained.
"And you were drunk to see vice principal Luna?" Sunset's face.
I didn’t say nothing, I just put on a strange face and scratched the back of my neck.
"Bourbon..."
"Just look what happened..." I said extending my arm and Sunset touched it again with his hands.
Vice principal Luna welcomed me into her office, although I had no idea why it was so dark. It was as if it were an interrogation room, but with Luna playing ‘bad cop, worst cop’ all by herself...
"Bourbon Maverick, are you drunk?" Vice principal Luna asked, visibly annoyed.
"Yeah, so what? You don’t expect me to put up with Cranky's boring class sober, would you? "I answered without giving it more importance.
“You cannot bring alcohol to the institute, in fact, you cannot drink, you don’t have age for that!"
"Please... I've been drinking since I was sixteen, things in the mountains were going faster."
"You're not in Applelachia! This is a reason for you to be expelled, Bourbon."
"Hey, this CSI stuff with the dim light is fine, but I'm not into that kind of kinky shit, it seems like the set of a cheap porn movie."
"Excuse me?" Luna blushed. Although I was somewhat drunk, I could swear that the vein in her forehead was swelling.
"I say, how long have you been since you get laid? Maybe you just need a good one-night stand to get rid of that grumpy face." I suddenly had a deja vù; but even drunk it was at that moment when I knew, I fucked up...
"Ok that’s enough! We agreed to accept you at Canterlot High School at the insistence of your father, but I will not consent to this. You are expelled until further notice! GET OUT!"
After yelling at me, she pushed me out of her office... I was embarrassed to admit it, but watching Luna so angry got me kinda horny...
"Bourbon!" Shouted Sunset. "How could you say Luna that what she needed was to get laid?"
"I was drunk! I already told you that at that time I was kind of an asshole."
"Look, I do not know if you're my idol or an idiot. The Sunset of then would have set you up a party that's clear. Anyway, I do not know what all this has to do with the question I asked you. "
“That should be better explained in the next chapter.” Said a voice behind us.
"Wah! Pinkie? Where did you come from? "I asked surprised. Why did these things surprise me at this point?
"We needed some beers, you know, we have a dry mouth..." She said winking at me and pointing to Cheese, who was waiting for her and greeted us shaking his hand.
"Thanks Pinkie, but I don’t need more details." I said smiling. Sunset just laughed.
Author's Note
Well, I know it's been a while since the last update but I had a lack of inspiration problem. 😅
Author's Note
This chapter has some sex scenes, hope y'all enjoy it!
7 - The Apple Of My Eye
I was going to drink another beer. How many had I already drunk? Six? Nine? Not that they were a big deal, but I was starting to be kinda tipsy. I entered the shed where the alcohol was stored. Just as I took the bottle, I realized I didn’t have a bottle opener.
"Shit, where is that damned...?"
"Are ya lookin’ for this?" Asked a voice behind me. It was Fiddly Twang, who was holding the bottle opener in her right hand and her tone made me suspect she was flirting with me. I’ve definitely drunk too much...
"Howdy Fiddly, nice played before, you really have talent." I said congratulating her, she just smiled at me. "May I have the bottle opener please?"
"Maybe, what can ya offer me in return?" She said it in a flirtatious tone. Yup, she was definitely hitting on me.
"What are you looking for?" I asked for playing along with her.
"Perhaps... " At that moment she approached me without taking her eyes off me, and without warning she kissed me in the lips.
I was so surprised that I almost threw the beer bottle in my hand. Just when I started to reciprocate Fiddly's kiss, a noise caught my attention...
"Ehem..." After that throat clearing sound, the fiddler and I opened our eyes wide and we could see Applejack looking at us from the door of the shed.
As quick as we could Fiddly and I separated blushing and unable to look into each other's eyes, I also tried to avoid Applejack's stare.
"Uhm... I think I'm going to see if Gator needs help with somethin’." Said Fiddly Twang making a bad excuse to escape from that awkward situation and leaving me alone with Applejack.
“Bourbon, have ya seen Big Mac? I can't find him anywhere.” She asked me.
"No, I haven't seen him neither."
"Well, thanks anyway, I don't bother y’all anymore..." It was me or did she sound kinda jealous? Ugh... why do women have to be so cryptic?
Suddenly Fiddly went back into the shed.
"Sorry Bourbon, I took the bottle opener with me." She said blushing and smiling nervously.
I simply smiled awkwardly too and opened the beer I was going to drink. I took another bottle with me 'cause I was pretty sure I'd drink this one in one swallow.
After another awkward silence of a few seconds Applejack and I left. She left with Rarity and Fluttershy as I headed back to the log where I was sitting with Sunset.
On the way, I came across Pinkie Pie sitting on top of Cheese Sandwich while she kissed him. What surprised me most was Pinkie's gaze on Cheese. She was looking at him with passion and hunger, I didn't expect to see Pinkie like that.
I really couldn't imagine Pinkie, or Fluttershy, or even Rainbow Dash hitting on someone at all. Fluttershy was a pretty girl but also very shy and I don't see Rainbow Dash flirting in the same way Rarity does. As for Pinkie, she always had a very innocent and sometimes childish personality, seeing her in such a… predatory way was a bit bizarre, although now that I remembered, back in Mexicolt, Cheese was always talking wonderfully about a Canterlot girl, I never imagined that said girl could be Pinkie Pie, certainly, I began to see her with other eyes...
The cajun rythms of the fiddles, accordions and guitars still filled the athmosphere in the bayou, making the people dance and sing. I found myself humming a song when arrived at Sunset Shimmer's side.
"What took you so long?" Sunset asked as I sat beside her on the log.
"Let's say I had a small incident with Fiddly Twang, and then Applejack appeared..." I replied drinking from my bottle.
Sunset looked at me and touched my arm, her eyes turned white and short after that she looked at me not amused.
"Really Bourbon?"
"It wasn’t my fault... ok?" I said trying to excuse myself.
"You know what? I don't want to know, what I do want to know is what happened to you after being expelled from CHS.” Said Sunset.
"Well, after being expelled, my father stopped sending me money, and in short I ended up in the street with nothing but a guitar and a duffel bag with my stuff." I spoke as if it wasn't the big deal, but truth is that at that time I was really lost...
"That's horrible... What did you do?" Sunset asked, I just reached out and she used her magic.
I felt a heavy blow to the face that caused me to lift myself from the ground. A soccer ball, that was what hit me...
"Ouch! What the fuck?" I yelled furiously, coming out from behind the bush I was in.
Before me there were three girls younger than me looking confused and maybe scared. And I don't blame them, I didn't look like going to a wedding really; I was wearing an old jacket that was starting to look dirty, I covered my neck with a shemagh, both garments were camouflage and on my head lay my great grandfather's old straw hat; I spent three days without taking a bath, my facial hair had grown (although I didn't have too much) and I could survive because I still had some MREs in my duffel bag for emergencies. Courtesy of an old friend who was in the army...
"Sorry, it was an accident." Said the red-haired girl with a bow adorning her head.
“What the hell do y’all think you’re doing? You should be more careful.” I continued with my scolding.
“Hey, it was you who was hiding behind the bush, how were we supposed to know you were there?” Said another of the girls, the one with short purple hair and a rebellious attitude.
I stared at the three girls and they were right. I lowered my head somehow regretfully for having scared them. They didn’t deserve that I blame them for my situation, although my nose had begun to bleed because of the hit.
"Whatever." With disdain, I turned my back on them and looked for my handkerchiefs to cut the bleeding.
"By the way, what are you doing here lying in the garden of the schoolyard?" Asked the third girl, a beautiful girl with lilac and white hair.
“I was trying to read a book called 'Mind Your Own Business'?” I replied without looking at them.
"Wait, I know who you are." Said the purple-haired girl. "Rainbow Dash told me about you, you're the one who was expelled after insulting Vice Principal Luna."
I turned around quickly and pointed my finger at that girl.
“Hey! I didn’t insult her, ok? At least not intentionally.” I sat on the mat I had improvised. "Now, please, can you leave me alone?"
"But, are you stayin’ here as if nothin’?" Asked the red-haired one.
"I've been here for three days and nobody has cared, what else does that matter now?" I replied, although my tone sounded more regretful than I intended.
"You have nowhere to go?" The little girl asked again.
"No, I just love to sleep in the open and spend days without taking a shower." I answered sarcastically.
"You don't need to be so rude... look, if you have nowhere to go, maybe you could stay in our barn." Was that girl serious? “It ain’t a luxury hotel, but at least you would be indoors, and the hay is much more comfortable than the bare ground. Consider it a way to compensate yerself for almost breakin’ yer nose.”
I looked directly at the girl; it didn't seem like she was lying. It was strange, for years no person had given me a feeling of trust like that.
"Very well, I accept." I said without thinking too much.
"By the way, mah name's Applebloom, and they’re Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle." Said the girl.
"Nice to meet y'all, I'm Bourbon Maverick."
"So, Applebloom found you living like a hobo and offered to sleep in the barn?" Sunset asked me.
"Yes, but wait to see what happened..." I said keeping my arm extended.
"It's no big deal, but I still think you'll be more comfortable." Applebloom told me as she showed me the way into her barn.
"It's more than I deserve right now."
"Make yerself comfortable, I'll bring ya somethin’ to eat later, and maybe tomorrow you can sneak in and take a shower."
I coupled to the top of the barn. I prepared some hay and a blanket on top. For a moment I stopped to think about how I ended up like this... then I just lay on the makeshift bed of hay and covered my face with my hat with the intention of taking a nap.
In the afternoon I tried to count my stuff, but a noise distracted me. Someone was trying to enter the barn. I hid as best I could, but doing so I hit a toolbox with my foot and made too much noise.
"What in tarnation?" A young woman shouted. "Those darn raccoons."
With the corner of my eye I could see a blonde girl with a distinctive cowboy hat holding a pitchfork that seemed very sharp. She started up the stairs to the top of the barn, where I was, and I prayed to all the gods in whom I believed and in those who did not so that she couldn’t find me. But it didn't work out...
"Ahhh!" She shouted as she pointed to me with the farm tool.
"Wait, wait!" I shouted raising my hands in surrender.
“Sis stop!" Applebloom yelled. That girl had saved my life again.
And that's how I met Applejack, Applebloom’s big sister. A while later I was in the farmhouse kitchen where they introduced me to Big Macintosh, their big brother and Granny Smith, their grandmother. At least they had the detail of letting me take a shower so I could look like a normal person...
"So, they kicked you out of the CHS and Applebloom offered to stay in the barn because you were sleeping in the streets." Said Applejack.
"Yes, basically that’s what happened..." I replied somehow embarrassed. One thing was to camp on the mountain from time to time when I was living in Applelachia, and another thing was to sleep on the street in a city like Canterlot. Well, street... She should rather say the school garden.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell y’all nothin'." Applebloom apologized.
“No, Applebloom you’re not to blame for anything.” I said trying to excuse the little girl. “I am the one who’s sorry; Thanks for the shower and I hope you don't mind that I took three apples from a bucket in the barn. The best thing will be for me to leave." I headed out to the door, but...
"Wait there, young fella." Said Granny Smith. "If ya really have nowhere to go you can stay with us, but you’ll have to stay in the barn because we don't have free rooms in the house."
"Are you serious, ma'am?" The old woman nodded. "What can I do to compensate for the inconvenience?" I asked, the truth is that I didn’t feel well scrounging these people who seemed so good.
"Oh shucks, you don't owe us anythin’, but if ya feel so bad... you could help us with the farm work." Applejack said. "Only if you have what it takes to work here, partner..."
"A little hard work is not going to kill me cowgirl..." I answered the blonde girl with smirking without knowing how much my life would change from that moment.
"Did you really meet Applejack like that?" Sunset asked. "Talking about first impressions..."
"Yeah, tell me about it..." I replied. “After that I stayed at Sweet Apple Acres working as an assistant. I got to know the Apple Family better, I became a good friend of Big Mac and Applebloom, and although technically I was an employee Granny Smith came to treat me as one of the family.” Suddenly, I laughed to myself remembering something…
"What’s so funny?" Sunset asked curiously.
"Nothing, memories..." I said smiling.
Apart from working at Sweet Apple Acres, I decided to make some more money working for an Apple family friend named Burnt Oak. The guy was a lumberjack and offered me some money to help him cut firewood. It was a pretty hard-working morning; I almost didn't stop swinging the axe...
“Bourbon! You can let it go now kid, come to breakfast, you've earned it.” Burnt Oak told me after cutting the last piece of wood.
"Great! I'm starving…” I said sticking the axe in the stump.
Burnt Oak was making breakfast in a fire pit with a dutch oven, inside it a copious stew was boiling, the lid of the oven was used as a pan to fry a couple of eggs, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee emanated from a coffee maker. It was perfect for me, I was so hungry that I'd have eaten an entire horse.
"I'm glad you came to help me; it seems that the Apples were right about ya." Burnt Oak told me, which surprised me.
"What do you mean, sir?"
“They told me you were a responsible and hardworking feller, and I see they weren’t wrong.”
"Oh no boss, I can be many things, but responsible... in fact, I am where I am for not being responsible." I said taking a sip from my cup and remembering what had led me to that situation.
"And yet here you are, cutting firewood for me and workin’ in the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres."
"You’re right, but I do it because I had nowhere to go, and since the Apples welcomed me, I didn't want to be a sponger or a squatter."
"In any case you have proven your worth." Burn Oak took 200 bucks out of his wallet. "Here kid, this is your reward."
"Thank you, Mr. Burnt Oak."
After finishing our breakfast, Burnt Oak offered to take me home in his truck.
“Today is a hard day for the Apple kids. Glad to see they have a friend like ya.” He commented suddenly calling my attention.
"Why do you say that?"
"Today is the anniversary of the death of them parents." Wow... that really catch me. “I was very close to them father, you know. Bright Mac and I were like brothers, when we were young, we always got into trouble, and in fact I was the best man at his wedding...
Burnt Oak's eyes got wet, it must be hard to lose a good friend that way. But at that moment something crossed my mind: How would Big Mac, Applejack and Applebloom feel?
“Must be a shitty day for them…” I commented.
“Each one of them takes it in their own way. Big Mac is very reserved, but he has no qualms about showing his emotions, Applejack instead... Don't get me wrong, I'm not sayin’ she doesn't care, but she is one of those who cries in the inside, I've rarely seen her open in that sense. As for Applebloom, she was very young when Bright Mac and Buttercup died, but she still remembers certain things about her mother…”
When we arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, I thanked Burnt Oak for the ride and went to rest in the barn. Then I went for a walk around the orchard and saw Applejack heading to a specific area. Without her noticing I followed her.
There I could see that she stood in front of two graves. I didn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to know who was buried there. Applejack took off her hat and knelt in front of the tombstones, then she started talking, but I didn't even listen. It was too personal for me to spy on her. Even I have my scruples...
After her “conversation” I decided to approach...
"Bourbon, what are ya doin' here?" She asked surprised to see me.
“I would ask you the same thing, but I already know. Burnt Oak told me about today...” I didn't want to look like I was spying on her, but I hadn't really lied. "You're good?"
“Yup, don't worry… it's the same thing every year, this day comes, and memories invade ya. But it’s nothin’…” If something characterized Applejack is that she’s a pretty bad liar. When she tried to lie, she looked away and pursed her lips blatantly like a bad poker face. Just as she was doing now.
"Ok..." I said not very convinced. "Well, if you need to talk, you know where to find me." Remembering what Burnt Oak told me about her, I didn't want to press her, whenever she decides to talk, she will talk... until then it's none of my business.
The night came and I stayed in the kitchen for a while before returning to the barn. I had hidden a beer in the fridge, and I wanted drink it in the living room alone. I sat on the couch to relax a little, however, a noise surprised me and made me spit part of my drink and get up suddenly...
When I turned around, I hid the beer behind my back as best I could and return to the kitchen, although not in a sneaky way. I saw a silhouette that was heading to the living room, it was Applebloom in pajamas sat on the sofa and stared at a photograph...
"Applebloom, what are you doing awake?" I asked calling her attention.
"I couldn't sleep..." She told me. From the look on her face she looked sad.
"Something on your mind?"
"It's just... I don't know. Today I missed them so much, you know?" I already imagined where the shots were going.
"Your folks, right?" She just nodded. "I imagine how hard it can be." In this type of situation, you never know what to say exactly, I preferred not to open my mouth too much to not look like an asshole...
“I don't really remember much about them… but when I was very young, ma always sang somethin’ to me when I couldn't sleep.” That touched me, and gave me good memories…
"My mother used to sing me too..." I replied with a smile remembering the songs that my mother sang to me. "I remember a song I learned thanks to her..."
"Could you sing it?" That petition surprised me...
"Uhm... I..." I was blank at that request, but looking at Applebloom’s tender eyes how could I say no? "Alright, but don’t think you'll understand nothing..."
I started to sing the song . The reason I told Applebloom that she wouldn't understand it was because the song was in Gaelic. However, she seemed to like it, as she rested her head on the armrest of the couch and slowly fell asleep...
When I saw that she was sleeping peacefully, I did something that was really inappropriate for me: I took Applebloom in my arms and carried her to her room. I climbed the stairs and laid her gently on her bed. After covering the little girl, I left the room slowly to not wake her.
Willing to go to the barn to hit the hay, I did not realize that I had someone watching me closely.
"Well ain't that purdy..." Said a voice giving me such a fright that I almost got my heart out of my mouth.
“Applejack, what the hell? You want me to have a heart attack? "I whispered still recovering for the sudden.
"I'm sorry sugarcube, I didn't mean to scare ya." She answered me and in the midst of the relative darkness I could see her smiling at me. “Hey, thanks, what you have done for Applebloom was very sweet. Who was going to imagine that behind that tough guy mask you were as sweet as pie.”
I didn't say anything, I just looked away kinda flushed.
"This day ain't never easy for any of us, but for Bloom... it’s just not fair that she couldn’t spend more time with Pa and Ma." She said that with a sad look and I could swear that a tear fell down one of her green eyes.
“I know… but sometimes it’s for the best, not having as much bond as you or Mac could have it make it easier for her to overcome those traumas. Although it can also cause certain deficiencies.” I explained.
"Such a fancy analysis, you should be a psychologist." Wow... looks like that Flash Sentry guy ain't the only one who thinks so.
"Hey, do you want a beer?" I don't know from where that offer came from, but it was too late to deny that I had said it.
"Bourbon, I don't drink... " She said rejecting my offer kindly.
"Oh, come on, a bottle a day keeps the doctor away."
"...Oh, shucks what the hell, yer right." She said. The funny thing is that I convinced her with the same phrase I said when I stole my first beer while my grandpa was sleep.
So, Applejack and I talked quietly, and I did something that I didn't think I could do again, open up with someone. I told her about my life at Applelachia and how my parents divorce affected me. For the first time in a long time I felt I could trust someone.
"Well, I think it's better to go to sleep, I’ll go back to the barn." I said stretching and heading for the door.
"Me too, oh and, Bourbon." Applejack approached me and kissed me on the cheek leaving me perplexed. "Thanks for everything. Good night sugarcube.”
"Uhm... you're welcome, AJ, that's what friends are for." I said with a sincere smile which answered me.
"My, my, Boss, I didn't know you were a sentimental." Sunset told me smirking.
"Bah, shut up..." I said laughing and a little flushed. "Now, shortly after that, something happened that was a real turning point..."
"May I?" Sunset asked, I just lend her my arm.
After helping Applebloom to feed the chickens, we ended up playing the guitar in the barn.
"Yer good at this." She told me.
"Thanks Bloom. My grandpa gives me this guitar years ago."
"Have you thought about dedicating yerself to music?" She asked.
"Not really, I see music as a hobby, not as a job." I explained to Applebloom.
"Mom played guitar too, in fact, I think hers' still around." Applebloom got up and among several things stored in the barn pulled out an old guitar full of dust, the strings were mostly broken, the pegs were a little ossified and the wood had lost its shine. "This was mom's guitar, nobody plays it since she and Daddy..."
"I see." I took the guitar in my hands, the truth is that it was a very well-made instrument, it was a shame that it was in those conditions.
"Hey Bourbon, may I ask you a question?"
"Sure Applebloom, shoot." I said.
“Do you miss yer home? Or yer family?” The question caught me off guard and I didn't know exactly how to answer.
“Well, Applebloom, I had never thought about it… Much of my family in Applelachia left me aside when I got in the way with my father when I didn't accept his new… partner" I thought to myself: 'that bitch'. "And about home...."
I didn't know how to answer, in fact, I was asking myself another question, do I have a home? Have I ever had it? It's not that I didn't like Applelachia, and certainly, in Lyreland I have some of my best childhood memories. But in neither place have I felt at home...
“You know Bloom? In Coltwall they have a word: Hyreth . It’s like "homesickness," but not only for home, but sometimes even for times gone by or for something that doesn't really exist. Sometimes it is a longing for a place you can no longer return or have not yet visited. You could say that I feel Hyreth because I have not really found a place to call "my home."
"What would it take for you to find your home?" The red-haired girl asked.
"Well..." I didn't have time to answer because I felt the noise of Big Mac’s truck coming home, which surprised me because he and Applejack were supposed to be at a bake sale with the school's softball team, or at least that's what Applejack told me.
When I went down to meet them, I saw Applejack get off the truck visibly angry, she didn't even look at me.
"Big Mac, is something wrong?" I asked worried.
"Eeyup." He replied as laconic as ever but with a long face.
"I'll go ask Applejack." I said heading home.
"I don't know if it’s a good idea Bourbon..." Big Mac said, but I ignored him.
I entered the house and as I assumed Applejack would be in her room, I went up there. I knocked on the door twice...
"Applejack, it’s me, Bourbon." I opened the door a little and saw her on her back sitting on her bed. "Are you all right?"
"What'd ya think?" That tone told me everything, she was angry about something.
"Ok, what happened?" I asked getting a little closer to her.
“Do you remember that Rainbow Dash promised me that she would take the softball team to mah bake sale? Well, guess what, nobody came... she made a liar out of me. I don't want to see her again in my life…” Wow, that was hard. I knew that Rainbow Dash and Applejack were good friends, almost sisters; Hearing those words from Applejack meant that she was really pissed off.
“Applejack, don't you think you're overreacting? Let's see, I mean, I'm sure she had a good reason not to go.” As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. Applejack got up like a spring and looked into my eyes angrily.
“And why didn't she tell me anythin’? Such a good friend huh… the 'Loyal Rainbow Dash', I've seen Wynona being more loyal than that!” Applejack said sarcastically. Then she approached me, and I could feel the anger in her eyes. “Listen Bourbon, I'm gonna tell ya somethin’ right now, I don't care what people say about me, I don't care if they make fun of me about being a country girl or have humble origins, I can stand being called redneck and hillbilly, but what I’m not going to tolerate is that they call me a liar and much less for somethin’ that is not mah fault!”
"Look, AJ, you're pissed off, I understand it, but you're not thinking clearly." I tried to appeal to reason, but there was no way...
“Who do you think you are to tell me what I have to do?! Leave me alone Bourbon…” I could swear I had seen a tear fall from one of Applejack's eyes, but I didn't want the situation to get worse so without saying anything I left the room, leaving Applejack alone with her thoughts.
I returned to the barn to think and drink a beer from my "personal stash" and smoke a cigarette, till now nobody knew of that hidden place of mine, I had managed to keep it to myself. Well, to be truth sometimes I got some bottle of cider as a "tip" for the work I did in Sweet Apple Acres once in a while.
“Bourbon?” It was Applejack, who appeared up the stairs. “Are you smoking in the barn?"
"Nope, I just like to watch how the smoke rises while the cigarette consumes..." I replied sarcasticly.
"You can't smoke here; you could light the hay and cause a fire." She scolded me.
“First you kick me out of your room and now you forbid me to smoke in your barn? Talking about southern hospitality…” My sarcasm could be detected miles away at this point.
"You know, sometimes you’re like a pain in the..." She said raising her hands, clearly losing patience. “Look, I just came to apologize. I shouldn't have yelled at ya, you were just trying to cheer me up and I've treated you like trash.” Applejack was silent and looked away. "Well, I just wanted to say that..."
For some reason I couldn't get mad at her, I had enough to have been supposedly betrayed by one of her best friends. I simply put out the cigar and got up.
"Wait AJ." I said. “Listen, I think what you need is to disconnect. Do you know any secluded site?”
"Well yeah, what'd ya have in mind?" She asked looking at me curiously.
"You'll see." I said smirking.
I put some things in my backpack, including several beers and empty bottles and I went with Applejack who was waiting for me outside the barn.
As I indicated to her, she took me to a quite remote place; a very beautiful forest glade near a small river.
"Wow Applejack, this place is beautiful." I said surprised.
"Mah mother showed me this place years ago." She said. “So, and what is yer plan? What do you want to do?”
I told her to wait and put the empty bottles on sticks. Then I went back to the backpack and took out a single action revolver.
"Where did you get that from?" She asked surprised.
“It was one of the few things that I brought from Applelachia. When I was stressed, I used to go to the mountain to shoot, it helped me relax. Try it, you will feel better!”
That said, I pointed the gun at the bottles and knocked them down one by one.
"Come on, try!" I said offering her the gun.
She took it looking at me with a straight face. But before I knew it, she started firing quickly, fanning the gun like a total pro. She knocked down all the bottles leaving me with my mouth open...
Then she flicked the gun and gave it me back. I just took it surprised.
“What? Cat got yer tongue?” She said laughing.
"But... how... when did you learn to shoot like Calamity Jane?" I asked perplexed.
“Daddy taught me when I was 10 years old. I learned to shoot at the same time as to harvest.” This girl surprised me every day. I almost didn't realize the silly expression I had in my face.
“Well, I have more beers and ammo. Let’s see who’s got the best aim.”
"Don't ask me twice, partner." Applejack replied with a radiant smile. That was what I was looking for.
The rest of the afternoon went well, we shot, drank beer... but as soon as we picked up our things it started to rain, so we ran to Sweet Apple Acres. The rain was getting worse and thunders began to be heard nearby, so we entered the barn as it was what we had closest.
We were both soaked, and at that moment I couldn't take my eyes off Applejack. When she took off her hat I could see he golden wet hair and her shirt all soaked and which made my mind begin to imagine various non PG scenarios. I tried to look away, nervous that she thought I was a pervert or something...
"I think I'll stay here until the storm has passed; are you ok with that?" She asked.
"Yeah of course, you’re at home, well, it's your barn afterall, I mean... you know what I mean." Shut up you idiot, you're ruining it.
Applejack just laughed, I noticed her much more relaxed, I don't know if it was because of handling a gun or because of the beers that she drank with me. Speaking of beer, I had also drunk a few and began to be a little frisky. Although being honest, I don't think it was just for beer...
"Hey Bourbon, thanks for everythin’." Applejack looked at me and the strange thing was that I saw her as she was embarrassed by something, I had never seen her like this, so vulnerable, so... cute.
“You're welcome, AJ, I already told you, that's what friends are for.” After saying that she hugged me, and I stayed static.
A few seconds passed that seemed like hours to me until I hugged her back. Then I could notice her soaked body from the rainwater, however, upon contact with mine I could notice that we were both starting to get warm. It was a feeling I won’t forget.
Applejack separated a little and gave me a kiss on the cheek, but our hug did not break there. She placed her hands on my shoulders as mine clung to her perfect hips. She kept looking at me and it was as if time paralyze. I might have drunk a little, but I was still conscious and a pitched battle was going between the two sides of my mind; the little angel told me to slowly separate myself and pretend that nothing of what was happening was real, but the demon inside me was making it clear to me: a beautiful girl was giving me clear signs, all I had to do was take her and let our animal nature take control of ourselves.
Maybe she had the same discussion on her head and one part was the clear winner, or maybe Applejack was simply more direct than me, but she pulled her face against mine and kissed me on the lips. That kiss wasn't long or passionate, but it was enough to say the little angel to fuck off. However, she separated before I could say or do anything. Seriously, how slow was I?
"I'm sorry Bourbon, I’m..." She said blushing without being able to look me in the eye.
"Why do you apologize?"
She turned her gaze on me, and this time I took control. I held her firmly on her hips and kissed her; I could feel her breathing agitated while we kissed, that kiss was full of passion and desire, but above all it was full of need; need of company, as if neither of us wanted to be alone at that moment .
Applejack took my hat off and began to stroke my hair, just as wet as hers. I lowered my right hand to her butt and, fuck! I knew that Applejack had a good figure due to years of work on the farm, but I couldn’t imagine how well toned she was. Her ass was firm, and I swear that if it wasn't because I was controlling myself, I would spank her right there.
Just when our tongues began to dance my left hand unconsciously began to wander under her shirt. Her skin was moist but warm at the same time and I could feel Applejack sighing while my fingers ran down her back softly.
She didn't seem to be left behind, one of her hands began to stroke my neck, down to my shoulder and from there to my chest. Without thinking it twice she unbuttoned my shirt and she began to draw my torso from chest to abdomen with her hand. That was when she made me sigh, that was my weak point.
When we separated to get some oxygen, she just burst out laughing and kissed my neck making me moan. Damn! This girl knew which buttons to touch...
I unbuttoned Applejack's shirt, seeing her breasts still covered by her bra. So, I placed her under me on the heap of hay that I normally used to sleep.
"See anythin’ ya like?" She asked laughing and looking at me mischievously.
I just laugh and kissed her again while my hands totally stripped of her shirt. My lips left the warmth of her mouth to go down her neck and shoulders. Applejack missed a groan and I couldn't help smiling to myself. I just wished that at no time did anyone enter the barn and catch us in fraganti. As I continued with my task, I got rid of my shirt and prepared to unfasten the bra of the imposing blonde that was underneath me.
I looked at her for permission and she simply nodded. Sincerely, it has been a long time since I unbuttoned one of those things and I just wanted to do it quickly so I didn't look like an idiot. Fortunately, it’s like riding a bike or putting a line, once you learn you don't forget it.
When I saw Applejack's bare breasts I stared like an idiot, so as not to appear a creep I kissed her again and hold her closer to me. With our naked torsos we rolled in the hay, literally, while it seemed we were struggling to see who dominated whom. I gave her small bites in her collar bone causing her to moan and she bit me in the ear making me shiver.
When she was on top, I took the opportunity to slide my hands to her ass, and when I was on top, she did the same. At that moment I reached the zipper of her denim skirt, but her hand landed gently on mine. I looked down and could see Applejack blushing.
"Applejack, if you want to stop, just say it..." Why do I suddenly decide to act gentlemanly?
"No, it's not that, it's that, I’m..." Ok, I think I understood what was happening.
"You're a virgin, right?" She simply nodded.
"Just be gentle..." I just kissed her again and proceed with my task.
As my hand explored the young cowgirl from the waist down, my lips began to run down her neck until I reached her breasts. I started kissing the right one and playing with the nipple with my tongue. Applejack began to let out moans in pleasure until she bit her left fist slightly as her right hand caressed my hair.
When I stripped her of her skirt and panties, I was kissing her firm and marked abdomen, slowly descending with my kisses to her right leg. Looking at her crotch I could see that she was really wet. That led me to look up and I saw Applejack suffocated looking at me strangely. I smirked at her and came down to claim what I was looking for a while ago.
"Where are you going?" I didn't give her time to respond.
Once I started kissing her inner lips a moan came out of her mouth. She covered it with her hand as a reflex act and I continued with my task. I explored her womanhood with my tongue until I found her clit which I licked gently, and my hands stretched to caress her breasts. Applejack caressed my hair while her breathing became more and more agitated. She was trying not to cry too loud, but she looked like she was about to explode in pleasure. In a moment, she arched her back and pressed her thighs against my head so hard that I thought she was going to squeeze my brains.
Applejack's legs were strong and muscular, and I was finding out in the worst way possible. Although I couldn’t complain myself, I was enjoying it like ever before.
"Bourbon... I can't... I’m gonna…"
Applejack's legs began to shake as she tried to stifle a scream by covering her mouth with her hand. I kept kissing her down there while stroking the rest of her body with my hands and felt my face soak in her fluids. Applejack shook her pelvis in such a way that it almost left me breathless. Soon her orgasm ended up releasing all the tension she had accumulated leaving me free to breathe looking at her.
She was breathing agitatedly, and her eyes narrowed. I just smirked as I wiped my mouth after what I did.
"Oh gosh, that was... amazing." She said swelling my ego like I couldn't imagine.
I approached her and hugged her as I whispered in her ear. "Well, get ready, 'cause we're not done yet."
That was how, without wasting any more time, I took off my pants and my underwear, exposing my already erect staff. She grabbed him and began to massage him with her eyes still closed. Although it was clear that she had no experience, I appreciated the effort. I kissed her cheek and hugged her. Girls tend to be more sensitive after an orgasm, so they appreciate cuddling, and Applejack was no exception in that...
Without wasting any more time, I got back on top of Applejack and started to introduce my shaft into her. She made an expression of discomfort, and a groan of pain, so I went slowly, not wanting to rush things. Applejack hugged me tightly when she felt all my erect cock inside her, and little by little I continued my bumping.
Soon her moans of pain became moans of pleasure, which I drowned kissing her again. I loved feeling how she moaned as we kissed, that motivated me to move faster.
Suddenly I raised her legs by putting them on my shoulders. Applejack rolled back her eyes as I continued with my rush, she grabbed a handful of hay and closed her eyes as another orgasm invaded her.
I wasn't going to last much longer, but at that moment Applejack's voice stopped me.
"Wait... let me try something." I pulled away a little and she grabbed me by lying on the hay with a strength that surprised me.
Applejack looked at me as she sat astride me, looking for my cock pointing it back to her wet cave.
"Ready for a ride cowpoke?" She asked me, looking at me with lewdness.
"Are you? Saddle up, girl." I said responding with an equal look.
She began to ride me slowly and I already felt like I was in heaven, especially when she started kissing my neck and ear. Soon she started to turn up the intensity, arching her back and riding me like an amazon. Holy shit! No one could say that this girl was a virgin a few minutes ago; she became confident so quickly.
I did not stay behind and grabbed her breasts to what she moaned with pleasure as she placed her hands on my legs. We melted into a storm of caresses and kisses that seemed endless. I lowered my hands to the moving rump of Applejack and did what I had been wishing for a good while. I whipped her on her left ass cheek.
Applejack raised an eyebrow, but immediately smiled at me.
"Do it again." She told me in a challenging tone.
I simply smiled and did what he ordered.
"Ah!" She screamed.
I continued with my rush until I left her as red as them apples. Applejack then looked at me, grabbed my hands and squeezed as she rode harder.
"Yeehaw." She shouted as if he were riding a rodeo bull. Honestly, that made me very horny.
I knew I couldn't take much more, I was at my limit.
"Applejack, wait... I'm gonna cum." I didn't wear any condom, and as neither of us wanted unexpected pregnancies I suposse, so I pulled my penis out of AJ's and cum in the hay.
I felt as though I've run a hundred miles. I laid next to AJ who was still recovering.
"Oh, apple fritters Bourbon..." Applejack said panting.
"I'm telling you, tomorrow I won't be able to move." I said trying to catch my breath too.
"Hey, it's still rainin’... do ya mind if... I stay here for a while?" She asked me that embarrassed. Really? After what we have done, does she behave shyly?
"Of course, stay as long as you need."
I took the blanket I used to sleep and covered us with it. She snuggled next to me and placed her head on my chest. I stroked her blond hair while we both beat our sleep. At that moment I closed my eyes feeling the king of the world.
When I woke up I thought I heard some voices...
"Sis are you in there?" Said a voice from the barn entrance.
"Shit, shit, oh rotten apples..." Applejack said almost whispering nervously. "Bourbon, wake up."
I tried my best to wake up. When I managed to take off my eyes, I saw Applejack confused hurriedly trying to get dressed.
"What's going on?" I asked still sleepy.
"Applebloom is here!" She said nervously.
"What?!" I said getting nervous and getting up from the straw pile quickly and looking for my clothes.
"Applejack is that you?" Applebloom asked.
“Uhm… yeah, yes, I am… uh… organizing some things. Just give me a sec.” Applejack said nervously. Luckily, they couldn't see her face, because she was making that bad liar expression that characterized her so much.
"Is Bourbon with you?" She asked, leaving me pale with fright.
"COURSE NOT! I mean ... Why would he be in here... I mean, with me?” Applejack was more nervous than me, I grabbed her arm and gestured for her to calm down. "You have to leave right now." She whispered to me.
"Good idea..." I replied sarcastically. "Can you explain me how?"
"Through the window." Wait a minute, what?
"Are you crazy?"
"it's not that high, come on, please trust me." She looked me in the eyes, and I couldn't resist those emerald green orbs.
"Wait, I can't find my shirt." I said searching everywhere.
"There’s no time!"
Almost pushing me, she forced me to hang on the window and I jumped. Applejack was right, it wasn’t so high, but if I’d fallen badly, it would have caused me a sprain. I decided to sneak down the front of the barn, but around the corner I crashed into something, or rather against someone...
"Big Mac!" A shiver ran down my spine, and not because we were entering the fall and was starting to get cold. "How are you? Going to harvest?”
"Eeyup." He replied.
"I was going now too; I’m coming with you."
"No, wait, I was wonderin’ if you can accompany Applejack and Applebloom to high school, I don't have class now and I should do some work ‘round here."
"Uhm..." Part of me didn't want to, but it wasn't good to act suspicious either. “Ok, I’ll go with the girls then.
"But don’t forget to dress before... Speakin’ of which, Bourbon, what are ya doin’ shirtless?" It was clear that he was going to ask me about that sooner or later.
"Oh, is that... I wanted to do some exercise before, you know I didn't want to sweat a shirt more than necessary, don’t worry I'm going to take my clothes..." What was I going to say? 'yesterday I banged your sister and I had to escape through the barn window' or maybe 'It’s just I like to have my nipples in contact with nature in the morning'.
When I put on a shirt, I went down where I found Applejack and Applebloom waiting for me. The road to CHS was mostly silent, you could almost cut the tension with a knife. I was afraid that something like this would happen; surely, she regretted what had happened. I thought to myself, every cloud has a silver lining, at least I slept with a hot girl’, but then why did I feel bad? Maybe because I had actually taken advantage of Applejack when she was vulnerable...
Yes... I’m definitely a prick.
We arrived at school and Applebloom left with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo while Applejack met Pinkie Pie who greeted me cheerfully.
“Bourbon! Long time no see here!” Pinkie said hugging me.
"Yes, Pinkie, until vice principal Luna gets over our latest ‘meeting’, I don't think I can come back." I said breaking Pinkie’s hug. "Well girls, may you do well."
"Goodbye Bourbon," Applejack said with a small smile, but without looking at me. That gave me a bad feeling, she sure hated me.
"By the way Applejack, why do you have so much straw in your hair?"
After hearing that I left as the soul that the devil carries, leaving Applejack blushing with her friend.
"Wow..." Sunset said blushing. I looked away, because I didn't need to be too smart to know what she had seen.
"What? Did you see anything you liked?" I asked with a mischievous smile trying to annoy her.
"Asshole..." She replied almost laughing. "So that was your first time."
"If you mean the first time Applejack and I did it, yes, but it wasn't my first time." Sunset looked at me as if asking for explanations. “Look, my first time was in Applelachia; she was older than me, I was an anxious kid… well, I won't say nothing more…”
"And what about Applejack, what happened to you both?"
"After that I went back to Sweet Apple Acres, but I was restless, so I did the only thing I could do, go to the high school to talk to Applejack."
Sunset grabbed my arm and watch my memories again.
I was hidden in an empty classroom watching people walk through the halls. All this time without seeing the CHS students… I felt very troubled, but I was only looking for one person.
I immediately noticed Applejack talking to Rarity in front of one of the lockers. Then they separated and Applejack walked towards the classroom where I was, and with a quick movement I opened the door, grabbed her arm and dragged her into.
"Hey! What the hell?!” AJ shouted when she was suddenly assaulted. "Bourbon?"
"Hi Applejack." I said simply. Good start idiot.
"What in tarnation are you doing here? If vice principal Luna catches you, she will carve you like a turkey on Thanksgiving.”
“Yes, Luna may not be glad to see me, but she is not the one who interests me. I came to talk to you.”
"About what?" I didn't know if Applejack was playing dumb with me or she was that clueless.
"Oh, you know, the weather and stuff..." I said sarcastically. "What do you think? I wanted to talk about what happened last night.”
"Oh..." She said nothing more, but her face was suddenly apple red.
"Look Applejack, I... what did you think? Did you enjoy it?" Actually, I didn't know how to start the conversation, but that question allowed me to get a doubt out of my head.
"I... it was good, I don't know Bourbon, it's that everythin’ was so sudden."
“Applejack, I don't want you to think that I took advantage from you, you were kinda depressed, I was kinda drunk and… what happened, happened. I just don't want anything to change between us.”
Applejack approached me and stroked my cheek making me look into her eyes. “Sugarcube, I don't think anythin’ bad about you, yesterday was fine, and… if I could go back I would do exactly the same, it's just that it was very sudden. I don't intend anythin’ to change between us Bourbon, you're a good friend and I couldn't think anythin’ bad about you.”
It was like a great weight had been lifted, all that oppression in my chest disappeared and I was smiling like a fool.
"Hey, I should go back to class, and you have to leave or Celestia and Luna will crucify ya upside down in the yard." She said heading for the door. "See you at home."
"Yes, see ya." Suddenly something came to mind, something I needed to know. "AJ!" She turned to look at me. "Just out of curiosity, would you repeat it?"
Applejack blushed and looked away for a second. There was no need to say anything, because he just looked at me and nodded to go out the door.
Smiling I left the classroom without caring about anything else, at that moment nothing could spoil my day, or so I thought until I collided with someone ...
"Hey, watch out you idiot!" A girl shouted.
"Oops, sorry." I said until I saw who I had collided with. "Oh, Sunset…"
“Wait, you are Bourbon. Aren't you supposed to be kicked out?” She said slyly.
"Listen bacon hair, under normal circumstances I would bother to remind you how slut you are, but I am so happy that I will be more polite and I'll just ignore you."
I passed her side with a haughty expression and I could swear that I saw her vein swelling in her forehead. Honestly leaving people like Sunset so pissed off is the most satisfying thing I can think of. I wasn’t pretending to offend Applejack, but sex with her had become the second best thing I had done today.
"Now I remember that." Sunset said looking at me seriously. I only laughed while scratching my neck. "So, I guess what happened that night in the barn wasn’t the only one, right?"
"Yup... for more than one month, we had sporadic meetings, usually after work and especially when her family was absent."
"And they never caught you?"
"No." Suddenly I started to remember something... "Although..."
Sunset looked at me strangely, and again, pulled me by the arm.
After working in the afternoon I rested in the barn playing the banjo, but after an hour I decided that I had enough.
I went outside to see what I could do and ran into Applejack watering several trees. The coast was clear, so I sneaked up behind and grabbed her gently by the hips. However, that was enough for her to jump and point the hose towards my face, leaving me totally soaked.
“Bourbon! I'm sorry, you scared me.” She said closing the hose and approaching me while I looked at her with a frown and lip and water dripped through my hair. She started to laugh at me.
"You think it’s funny?"
"Yup, that happens to you for trying to scare me when I'm armed." She said smirking.
"Oh, really?" I said approaching the hose and taking it discreetly. "Well then... Fire in the hole!"
I aimed and soaked Applejack. The water came out with such pressure that it lost its balance and fell into a puddle of mud. I could not help laughing at his misfortune.
"You’re gonna regret this!"
After saying that she pounced on me and I dropped the hose that was still releasing water. We started fighting by rolling on the ground while the hose wet us at the same time.
In a moment I ended up above Applejack. She was certainly strong, but I managed to immobilize her by sitting astride her and grabbing her wrists.
"I beat you." I said smiling triumphantly.
"Don't be so sure cowboy." I didn't realize that Applejack had a ball of mud in one of his hands and managed to crash it against my face.
I shook the mud with one hand while Applejack laughed. We looked at each other and it seemed that time had stopped. Without further delay I reached down and kissed her passionately. She responded and grabbed my neck deepening our kiss. Our tongues danced in an endless battle for domination until we had to separate due to lack of air.
"I think I need a shower." I said breaking the silence.
"Me too." Applejack replied. That gave me an idea.
"Hey, what if... We save water...?" Apparently she understood my proposal, so she grabbed my arm and we entered the house, but not before turning off the hose.
Once in the bathroom, we soon get rid of our clothes and open the shower water.
Between the heat of the water and the rubbing of our bodies it seemed that the house was going to burn from how the temperature had risen.
While the water fell through our bodies we continued kissing and caressing us in every inch of our bodies. My hands went down to Applejack's butt cheeks to caress her butt while my tongue fought against hers. Fuck, how I liked this girl's ass.
I let Applejack's mouth free as my lips ran down her neck and she let out moans of pleasure.
Suddenly she knelt before me, and I didn't need to think too much about what was going to happen. She started kissing the tip of my cock and running her tongue along its entire length. Just when she put it in her mouth and started bobbing her head up and down, I had to grab the tap because I felt like I was losing my balance.
Applejack looked into my eyes, those bright emerald eyes that drove me crazy; I stroked her blond hair soaked by the water that fell from the shower, gently indicating that she should follow. It wasn't going to take a while to burst because of how well she did it, but suddenly, the door opened...
“Sis, are you there? I'm sorry, but it's an emergency.” That was Applebloom's voice. In that instant I cursed all my luck.
But worse was Applejack who almost choked on my phallus in her mouth.
“Applebloom! Ya can’t stay here!” Applejack shouted angrily, rising and pulling her head out of the shower curtain.
"I'm sorry, but I really need to pee." Said the youngest of the Apple.
In that moment all I needed to do was stay calm and quiet, but I was so dumpy that while I released the shower faucet I was still holding, I hit the cold water. I endured how I could a scream for the temperature change, but not Applejack.
Applebloom looked at her strangely and approached the shower...
"What in tarnation are you doin’?" She said, preparing to look inside the tub.
"Applebloom don’t!" But it was too late...
Applebloom pulled the curtain and found me, covering my crotch the best I could and smiling as I wanted the earth to swallow me.
"Hi Applebloom..." It was the only thing I managed to say.
She just kept quiet, covered the curtain again and slowly withdrew.
"You dumbass!" Applejack told me before hurrying out of the shower and putting on a bathrobe to chase her younger sister. “Bloom, Bloom! Wait, I can explain to ya, what you have seen is not what it looks like…”
"And what does it look like?" Applebloom asked in surprise. Applejack just looked away. "Sis, I'm twelve years old, but I'm not stupid..."
Applejack blushed and shook her head. "Look, please, don't say anything to anyone, especially Big Macintosh."
Applebloom seemed to think about it. "Ok, but y’all owe me one... I'm going to the garden toilet." Applejack prepared to enter the bathroom again, but her sister stopped her. "By the way Applejack, you have good taste." She said slyly and blinking one eye to her, Applejack blushed.
"Get outta here you brat!"
Sunset was laughing even more...
"Applebloom, you had to be discovered by Applebloom." She said without being able to endure the laughter.
"It could be worst, can you imagine what would've happened if Big Mac had discovered us?" The truth is that I didn’t want to imagine it, if it had been so, I would most likely have ended up with a broken arm or buried in the apple orchard... a shiver ran down my back. "No, I definetly prefer not to think about it."
"It seemed you were doing well, but I return to the question I asked you at the beginning, what happened to you both?" Sunset asked.
At that question I ducked my head and closed my eyes. Remembering that wasn’t pleasant for me; Sunset seemed to notice and just grabbed my arm...
Applejack and I were lying in bed breathing heavily. She was sweating and her hair was ruffled, and yet she couldn't look prettier. I got up to get a couple of the beers we had brought.
For the first time we had the house for ourselves. Granny Smith and Big Mac were at Appleloosa helping Braeburn with a local party and Applebloom went to a pajama party with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
"This is what I call a plan, you and me, all alone, a case of beers... a large bed." I said that last sinking my face against Applejack's neck causing her a laugh. "Hey Applejack, I've heard from one of my sources, one with pink hair, that in a few days is the Fall Formal at the CHS, and I was wondering if..."
"Do you want us to go to the Fall Formal together?" She asked perplexed.
"Well, since you ask me so polite, I accept."
"You're the worst." She said laughing. "What about you being expelled?"
“I don't think I had any problems; it's been too long. Vice Principal Luna can't always be angry with me… right?”
Applejack was silent, she seemed to be thinking about something...
"Bourbon, may I ask ya a question?" I stopped drinking my beer to give it my full attention. "Where is this going?"
Wow, I didn't see that coming. "Err... What do you mean?" I don't know why I asked that question, deep down I knew what she meant.
"We've been like this for a few months, don't get me wrong, it's been great, this is great, but I was wonderin’ if... have you ever thought about going further."
"You’ll see Applejack, I… the truth is that I had never thought about it..." I was lying, why was I lying? Was it so hard for me to talk about my feelings?
Suddenly my cellphone rang, I looked at the time and it was 11pm, who could it be at that time?
"Answer it, maybe it's important." Applejack said.
"I guess it should be..."
I got up still naked, put on my boxers and picked up the phone. Deep down I thanked whoever it was to get rid of that awkward conversation.
"Yeah?"
“Bourbon? Cousin, it's me, Bootleg.” The voice answered on the other side of the line.
"Damn, cousin, how are you doing?" I haven't talked to my cousin Bootleg for a long time.
"Uhm, fine I guess, I have to talk to you, it's important." I didn't like that tone at all.
"Bootleg, what's up?" I asked seriously.
“It's your father, cousin, he's dead..."
Sunset Shimmer let go of my arm and looked sad and worried.
"Bourbon, I... I didn't know."
"You didn't have to know." I replied simply. "I don't remember very well what happened after my cousin's call, I know I sat in bed with my mind blank with Applejack trying to ask me what was going on, but nothing more... not a tear, not a regret, nothing..."
"You would be in shock, it's the most normal thing," Sunset said. “Was that the reason? Is that why you left Canterlot?”
I simply nodded. “It's the simple answer, but if I tell you the truth, I felt too cowardly to return. You just look…”
After delving into my mind, the memories reappeared in Sunset's visions...
I had picked up my things, not that I had too much, but I didn't want to leave anything behind. The trip back to Appelachia for my father's funeral would be long enough...
Applejack helped me pick up almost silently...
"You know what they told me?" She asked, I simply shook my head. "It seems that a new gal stood up to Sunset Shimmer while she was messing with Fluttershy."
I smiled sideways. "I don't know who that girl is, but I like her already."
The awkward silence came back to us, what could I say? Nothing that wasn't painful...
At the exit were Granny Smith, Applebloom and Big Macintosh waiting for me. Big Mac and Applejack would accompany me to the train station, so it was my time to say goodbye to the old woman and the little girl.
"It was great havin’ ya here, young Bourbon, I wish ya good luck back in Applelachia." Granny told me.
"Thank you for everything Granny Smith." I replied giving her a hug.
"Do you really have to leave?" Applebloom asked with a sad look. I just nodded and the little girl hugged me tightly. She had almost the same strength as her older sister.
"Oh wait, I almost forget one thing."
I quickly went to the barn where I expected to get something I had been working on for a while. When I left, I carried a guitar that looked new, although the Apples recognized it right away.
"Is that...?" Applejack said with wide eyes as I handed her the instrument.
"Your mother's guitar." I went forward to answer. “Since Applebloom showed it to me, I thought it was a shame to let it that way, so I just restored it. Consider it a small payment for everything you have done for me…”
Applebloom ran to hug me again, soon Big Mac joined with teary eyes and Granny Smith followed later. The only one who did not flinch was Applejack who kept looking at the guitar as if she was about to burst into tears, but yet she remained as she was.
After that emotional moment, Big Mac and Applejack took me in the truck to the train station, and there the last goodbyes happened before I headed to my train.
However, Big Mac and Applejack had a conversation, a conversation regarding me...
Applejack watched in dismay as I marched to my assigned car. But suddenly she realized that her brother had his eyes on her.
"What?" She asked trying to pretend nothing was happening.
"Aren't ya going to say goodbye?" Asked his stoic brother.
"I said goodbye..."
"Nope... I say really say goodbye." The tone that Big Mac used was not exactly subtle.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Applejack was trying her best to divert her gaze. But her blush was beginning to betray her.
"Applejack, I'm not dumb, I know about you and Bourbon." The blonde farmer was speechless.
"You... since when?" She asked nervously.
“Since the beginning. I was about to say something, but you were really bad from the problems with yer friends, especially Rainbow Dash, and seeing you so happy with Bourbon, I just shut up...” Big Macintosh explained.
Applejack looked back to where I was, then to her brother, and after releasing a snort of frustration she ran towards me while saying to her brother "We'll talk later..."
Seeing Applejack running in my direction I was surprised...
"Applejack what's up?" I asked.
"Bourbon... you didn't answer the question I asked you... Would you... Would you look for something else?" She looked at me with those green eyes, those eyes that I couldn’t lie to...
"Applejack, if I could, I would change many things, if we’re talking about you, of course I would look for something else." For once I was being honest, the problem is that my sincerity was linked to the fear I felt... "However, I don’t believe this is the moment... I can't give you what you're looking for right now, if you're looking for something serious... ... "Applejack didn't let me finish, because she put a finger to my lips.
"Shh, just promise me that one day you’ll come back." After saying that she kissed me, but it was not a kiss like others we were given that were full of lust and passion, I noticed this full of affection and tenderness, but above all I noticed as a message that said 'I wish you could stay'.
"I promise..." I replied looking into her eyes and about to enter the train.
"Come on, just leave before this situation became more cliché than it already is." Said Applejack dripping one tear from her eye.
After saying goodbye and looking at her for the last time, I looked for my seat and made myself comfortable. To avoid thinking I put on the radio, and as soon as it began to sound, I regretted having done it...
"Well, here we have a Lyrish song that a listener called Lyra Heartstrings has asked us, we hope you enjoy it..."
The song began to sound, and I recognized it by the first three words. Of all the songs from my land they had to play that one. As I followed the lyrics, I noticed how rebel tears fell from my eyes...
And already in the second verse I cried. I cried for my father, for Applejack, for the few friends I was leaving, because I was leaving a life where I could be happy... but I was crying because deep down I knew I would come back, and it would be to stay, because if I felt Hyraeth itwas because I was leaving a place I started calling home...
"Well, now you know my story with Applejack." I replied to Sunset who was still perplexed after delving into my memories.
"Shit Boss, I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything, everyone picks up what they sow, and I... well, let's say I'm late for the harvest."
Suddenly a voice interrupted us.
"Howdy Sunset, howdy Bourbon." That unique accent belonged to Applejack. Good timing. “Hey Bourbon, have ya seen mah brother? I don't see him anywhere.”
Big Mac was still missing? "Don't worry, I'll look for him around here, maybe the fool has fallen asleep somewhere."
I left the girls, but before, I could hear part of the conversation they were having...
"Speaking of which, Big Mac is not the only one I miss here..." Sunset said.
"If ya mean Pinkie, I think she ran off with Cheese Sandwich to 'show' him the bus." Applejack said in an accomplice tone.
“Ok, first: I won’t sit back comfortably on the bus until it is thoroughly cleaned. And second: I wasn’t talking about Pinkie…” Sunset replied.
I looked around the Fais Do Do compound but no sign of the older Apple, so I yelled to see if I could find him.
“Big Mac! Where the hell are you?”
"Bourbon?" Said a voice behind me
I jumped a little, but I calmed down when I saw it was Big Mac. “Mac, man, where were you? Your sister is looking for you.”
“I was walkin' ‘round, you know to take mah mind off. I drank too much I think…”
“Like everyone… c’mon, let's go back with the others or your sister will ask for my head.” As we walked together, I noticed a couple of details. “Hey, why do you have your clothes so dirty? Have you fallen in the bayou or something?”
“Uhm, eeyup… something like that, let's say I tripped because I didn't see a root and I was a little drunk. But I'm fine, in fact, I'm better than ever.” Big Mac's expression was of real calm and joy, I didn't see him like that in a long time.
"I'm glad to hear it Mac, it’s good to see you could disconnect and stop thinking about Sugar Belle for at least one night." I responded by patting my friend on the shoulder.
"Eeyup..." Something in that tone seemed suspicious. As a friend I liked to see Mac happy, but as a psychologist, I suspected that this farmer was hiding something from me.
However, for the good of all, I preferred not to inquire. While he was happy it was the only important thing.
8 - Hard Work, Laughs, and Addictions
At first light there was no one in the pub, mostly because it wasn’t open yet. The problem is that I was going crazy with so much paperwork that I had pending.
I leaned against the bar, snorted and took my glass of beer to take a sip. Suddenly the door opened, and Sunset graced me with her presence.
"Good morning, boss… boss? Oh my gosh, Bourbon you look awful…” Cool, just what I needed to start the day.
"If this is your idea of a compliment, Sunset, don't expect a pay rise." I replied without hiding my disgusted face.
“No, really, you don't look good, have you showered this morning? And what are you doing drinking so early?” Fuck, so many questions in a row…
“Sunset, you sound just like my mother… No, I haven't showered, and I drink because I feel like it. Well, and because I'm stressed.” I snorted and put my hands on my face. "This is bullshit."
Sunset sat next to me and touched my shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm not going to read your mind, ok? What's wrong with you?"
“Well, I'm doing the calculations and, although we don't lose money, we need something if we want to have a good profit margin; on the other hand, they’ve asked me for help to find a janitor for the building.”
"And why do you have to do that?"
"The Hell if I know." I asked tired. "Our neighbors are all lazy feckers, Mallacht na baintrí orthu ." Sunset gave me a weird look. "Sorry, when I'm really pissed of I tend to bring up my Lyrish blood."
“Don't worry it's kinda funny." She chuckled. "Anyway, about the pub, what do you intend to do? Are you going to fire me?” Sunset asked me that worried.
“No Sunset, how am I going to fire you? I can't run this place alone. You’re starting to be indispensable here…” She smiled at me.
"Hey, we have kitchen, right?" I looked at her surprised and nodded. “Then, how about we start serving meals? People would have more options to ask and they would spend more money.”
"Well, we’ve served sandwiches and so before... but it's still a good idea to start serving more elaborate dishes." I said thoughtfully with my hand on my chin. "It reminds me of a pub in Gallopway that served hamburgers and haggis so good to die for." I gestured to indicate how delicious the dishes of that place were.
"I don't know what that last is, but otherwise it sounds good." If only you knew...
"Perfect! Now we just need someone in the kitchen… and still I need someone for the janitor job.”
Suddenly a lanky guy with a careless ponytail and dressed with a simple shirt and a pair of jeans entered the pub.
"May I help you?" I asked as I take my place behind the bar.
"Yes, I'm looking for Bourbon Maverick, they told me I could find him here."
"Well you found him, I'm Bourbon Maverick, what do you need?" I asked intrigued to see what this peculiar guy wanted.
“I came for the job of janitor of your building, I have experience and I’m a har worker.” From the bag he carried he took out some papers. "Here’s my curriculum."
"Boss, I need a new laptop, can you try again?" Asked me Sunset surprised.
I looked over this guy's curriculum and yes, he had worked in many places. "Well... it seems that you have experience." There was something about this guy that gave me goosebumps, not that I was thinking of him being a serial killer or something, but yet suspicious, as if I had seen him before, but honestly, I didn't feel like beating around the bush. “Look, since I have full authority, you're hired. Give me a minute, I'll accompany you to the building and show you how everything works there."
"Great, don't you mind if I come from time to time to have a beer, right?" The guy asked.
“Of course not, better for me and my business! By the way, what's your name?” I asked.
"My name is Ponos."
Hours later, after making Ponos acquainted with the building, I went back to the pub to serve customers and go around the idea of getting a cooker. At the bar Rainbow Dash and Rarity were having a drink and talking with Sunset.
"So, how do you see the new janitor?" Sunset asked, leaving an empty tray on the bar.
"I think he's okay, he looks hardworking, but he has something strange... don't get me wrong, he doesn't look bad, but I think there's something I'm missing about him." Yes, he gave me a strange feeling, but maybe that was just my imagination.
"Bourbon, by the way, Sunset told us you need someone in the kitchen, why don't you hire Scootaloo?" Dash asked me.
“Scootaloo? Don't get me wrong Dash, but I would prefer someone with some experience.” I replied.
"Oh, come on, Scootaloo cooks very well, in fact, it’s she who almost always prepares the food in my house... she needs some money while she gets her degree in mechanics."
"But would she be available with her studies and stuff?" I asked out of curiosity.
“She studies in the morning from 8 to 12. The rest of the time she is free.”
I kept thinking for a second. “Well, she could be here for lunch and dinner…” Maybe she could do well, besides Scootaloo was trustworthy, come on, it was from our circle of friends after all. "Okay, I'll give her a try." Dash smiled excitedly. "But I expect responsibility on her part."
"Relax Bourbon, I'll tell her today in the afternoon so you can have her working here tomorrow." Dash looked at her watch and quickly took out her wallet to pay for hers and Rarity's coffee. “I'm going to the base, I'm late. See you guys later.”
Typical Rainbow Dash, the fastest one and yet always late.
“If they tell me that Rainbow Dash would end up being a drill sergeant in the air force, I would have laughed.” I commented more to myself than to others.
"Don’t worry darling, at first we were also surprised, but she always liked those things." Rarity commented.
Shortly after Dash leaving, Pinkie Pie came in. She smiled and greeted us very happy, as always, and asked me for a chocolate milkshake.
"Here you got Pinkie." I said pouring the glass.
"Thanks, Bourbon." She replied smiling.
“Pinkie! How are you doing?” Sunset asked approaching her friend.
“Hi Sunshim! Everything’s fine thanks. Today Gummy almost bites me but I could control him well.” She replied happily. That little caiman we found in the bayou became a good pet for her afterall. I still thought that it was dangerous, but also I had to admit he was very cute.
"And how about Cheese?" She asked smirking. "Since the party at the bayou you spend a lot of time together."
I laughed at Sunset's comment. Certainly, it had been almost one month since that and, as expected, Pinkie and Cheese, the biggest party animals of Canterlot started dating. Cheese almost didn't come home, and Pinkie spent less time with her friends and sisters, but, in short, this is what happens when you just start dating someone.
"Things are going well, I guess." She replied without giving many details. That was weird, usually Pinkie gives twenty thousand details about the simplest things, and always in a very excited way.
"Oh dear, that doesn't sound convincing." Rarity said.
"What's wrong? You guys had a fight or something? Do you have problems?” Asked Sunset.
"No, no, we are doing well, there is no major problem." She replied with a smile and scratching her neck.
“Well, you don't sound convincing, the Pinkie Pie we know would give us all kinds of details about her life.” I replied.
"Yes, the usual Pinkie would always give details... but there's not much to tell either." Our pink friend replied.
"Oh darling, don't tell me you have been dating one month and you've already fallen into the routine." Rarity said worriedly.
"Yeah..." Pinkie replied nodding. "Into the sex routine..." At that the three of us looked surprised. “We spend all day… banging and banging. More than a relationship it seems that I’m living a porn movie.”
I said nothing because I was still analyzing the situation. Sunset went to attend some clients and Rarity let out a short laugh.
"Pinkie Pie complaining about too much sex?" Rarity asked rhetorically. "That would be as if Bourbon complained about going to an open bar."
"Hey!" I said indignantly, although I recognize that I lost some credibility with the pint of beer in my right hand.
“I don't know Rares, lately I see Cheese so… anxious. Sometimes when I see him, I don't know whether to kiss him or hang his coat." Pinkie said with a "you know what I mean" look.
“But that’s normal, all couples at the beginning don’t stop doing it. Am I right Bourbon?” Rarity asked me.
"Yes, of course, at the beginning of a relationship the hormones are revolutionized, and you try blow whenever you can; either that or he is a sex addict." I said that without thinking, and immediately regretted having opened my mouth.
"What did you say?" Pinkie asked worriedly.
“Err… I mean… shit.” Great, I had screwed up one more time.
“Oh gosh, what if it’s true? Maybe he doesn’t care about me and just want an easy sexual release.” Pinkie was starting to get stressed, and that was bad, very bad. "I’m beginning to think that he only loves me for my body..."
"Look Pinkie, don't tripping on, is Cheese Sandwich who we’re talking about, he loves you for how you are." I said defending my friend. The truth is that I couldn’t imagine Cheese as a sex maniac.
“Bourbon is right darling. Cheese has his peculiarities, like you, but he doesn’t look like a maniac.” Rarity inquired.
"I don't know, maybe you're right, anyway, Bourbon, you're a psychologist, how can you tell if someone is addicted to sex?"
“Well, let's see, I would have to make a diagnosis. Although, now that I think about it, I remember reading a test once in the Cosmopolitan to see if your partner was a sex addict.” Immediately my explanation gave rise to doubts.
"Boss, may I ask why you read the Cosmopolitan?" Asked Sunset who joined the conversation again.
“It was for college, I had to do a research about addictions, okay? I found that test and set it as an example to analyze symptoms.” Although it was true, that didn't stop Rarity and Sunset from laughing at me. I just rolled my eyes and took a sip of my beer.
As if he had been summoned, Cheese Sandwich entered the pub, there was no need to be a genius to know he was looking for Pinkie.
"Hey Bourbon, Sunset, Rarity." He greeted us regularly and immediately turned to Pinkie. "Hi Pinkie." He said and gave her a warm kiss on the cheek. “Hey, what do you think if I pass through your house later and have some tea and Pie? I thought about watching Notting Hill today.” Wow, that’s what I call a cheesy movie, at least for me… “Bourbon, I'm going to the restroom, can you get me a bottle of water please?”
"Right away." I replied as Cheese headed to the toilet.
"Notting Hill..." Rarity said. "You see? You don't have to worry about Pinkie, you're just going to have a romantic evening… oh, I wish I could have something like that.” Rarity sighed with a dreamy expression in her eyes, not realizing that behind her Cheese Sandwich was calling Pinkie's attention and making obscene gestures of what they would obviously do while or after watching the movie...
Rarity turned around when she saw Pinkie's surprise expression and Cheese began to hide quickly as if she were stretching.
"Uhm... Bourbon, do you still have that magazine by chance?" I nodded, the truth is that I kept it a long time ago with the rest of college stuff. "Would you lend it to me this afternoon? Pretty please."
At lunchtime I went home and saw Ponos in the hall.
"Good afternoon Bourbon." He said kindly.
“Hi Ponos, how are you doing? Do you adapt well to the building?”
“Yes, I have no problem, I already met some of the neighbors; like those beautiful girls, Lyra and Bon Bon, or that grumpy man and his wife, Cranky and Matilda…”
"Yes, they are cool when you know them, but don’t go trusting to much, in this building lives very strange people." I warned him, actually I was thinking of a certain chaotic neighbor.
"Hi Bourbon!" I looked back and saw a young woman with an adorable girl by her side.
“Derpy, Dinky! How are you today?” I asked glad to see them.
"Well, I just picked up Dinky from high school." Derpy suddenly noticed my companion. "Hey, who's your friend?"
“Oh, right, Derpy let me introduce you to Ponos, he's the new janitor of the building; Ponos she is Derpy Hooves, a neighbor and the local mailwoman, and she's her daughter, Dinky.”
"The pleasure is mine." He replied politely.
"Well, we're leaving, I have to make lunch. See you both!" Derpy said leaving with her daughter.
"Me too, hey Ponos, come to the pub later, I think I’ve got a beer with your name on it." I said as I prepared to take the elevator.
"I'll sign it up for that." He replied.
Once in my place I was preparing food when Big Mac entered through the door.
"Howdy Bourbon." He said.
"Hi Mac. Is everything fine in the store?"
"Eeyup." He said while picking an apple.
“You spent so much time out of home lately.” I commented trying to start a conversation. “Since the party at the Bayou I feel you livelier.”
Big Mac just smiled and shrugged.
"Is there anything new in your life, perhaps?" I asked smirking.
"Nope." Something in that 'nope' made me suspect that I was lying.
The truth is that Big Mac had been going out more since we returned from the fais do do in Gator's village. He was no longer thinking so much about Sugar Belle and was not constantly depressed. I didn't care about the reason, if he was better, it was the only thing matters to me.
After finishing his apple, Big Mac left to open the store again. And I prepared to return to the pub.
That same afternoon I was behind the bar as usual, Berry Punch and Flash Sentry kept me company and I could see Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich sitting at one of the tables. I lent Pinkie the magazine with the test and went to the table with them drinks, and pretended to clean an empty table, since basically the only thing that interested me was to see how Pinkie posed to Cheese his possible addiction...
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm craving for some pie..." Cheese leaned down to kiss Pinkie, but she backed away.
"Cheese, Cheese, can't we stay here for a while, preferably dressed?" Pinkie asked. "We could drink our beers and talk about things... about sex."
"What's going on?" Cheese asked worriedly. “Aren’t you satisfied? Don't we do it enough?”
"Are you kidding?" Pinkie exclaimed. “If I sat in a freezer, I would melt the ice…” I barely could hold the laugh and Cheese looked at her suspiciously. “No, what I mean is that I want to chat, about sex and stuff, ok?"
"Well, okay, let's talk..." Cheese said without giving it much importance.
"Yes, for example..." Pinkie looked sneakily backwards because the magazine was hidden there. "Do you need increasing variety and frequency in your sexual relations to feel the same level of excitement and relief?"
Cheese was perplexed at the question, and it was not for less... I had already forgotten how those questions were. "Huh? That's a random question… well, I don't know, yes, I guess… it depends.” He said while scratching his neck thoughtfully.
"So, A. I mean, yes!" Pinkie said getting nervous and trying to read the second question.
“Well, we have already talked. Do we smash?” Said Cheese trying to bow again. I was beginning to think that he was indeed hotter than a forge...
"No, no, wait... I have another question, it's something I've been going around for a long time." Pinkie said hiding to read the magazine. “Have your sexual needs led you to practice sex in places or with people with whom you would not get involved in normal circumstances?”
"Uh... you don't say that for yourself, right?" Cheese replied laughing. "Pinkie, you're acting very weird, even for you..."
“Weird me? Cheese, don't change the subject, just answer one of the four.” Pinkie turned to read the answers. "Yes, no, sometimes or only when I drink."
"What the hell are you talking about Pinkie?" Cheese looked out of the corner of his eye at the magazine Pinkie hid under her rear. "What are you hiding there?"
In a playful way at first Cheese pounced on Pinkie to take the magazine away from her, Pinkie resisted but couldn't prevent him from getting it. Cheese's expression changed radically when he realized what it was...
"Find out if your man is a sex addict..." Cheese facepalmed in frustration, snorted, grabbed the magazine rising suddenly and stood up to his girlfriend. “What is this Pinkie? Sex addict? Is this how you see me? Like an obsessive, a sick person?”
"Well Cheese, don’t be like that... what I mean is..." Pinkie was between the sword and the wall. "I don't know... it's that sometimes you look like Benny Hill on Viagra."
“Very well, let's clarify this. Bourbon!”
"Uh, yes?" I replied as I stop cleaning the table, or I should say pretending. "Bring me a pen, please." I went to the bar to take one and gave it to Cheese, who turned to Pinkie again. "I'm going to do the test, and I'm going to show you what is obvious to everyone but you..."
I went back to the bar to talk to people and continue serving drinks. Ten minutes later, Pinkie and Cheese approached, and he showed a dejected expression, like that of one who is told he has cancer...
"Obsessed... I'm a sick man!" He said, suddenly putting the pen on the bar and facepalming, it seemed he was going to cry at any moment. "Of course! I haven’t taken the gun for so long, that now I don't think of nothing else but shooting. Look at this, all A’s!” He said pointing to the test he had just done.
"Come on Cheese, don't overdo it." Pinkie said trying to cheer him up. "Look, here you put a B."
"But if I'm honest, it's an A, 'with her and her sister'." Pinkie stared at him, puzzled, but my expression was not far behind... "Well, it's over, from now on I'll be a man, not an animal controlled by his impulses.”
"Of course, and I'll help you, honey." Pinkie said smiling and stroking his cheek. "By the way, just one last question, with which of my sisters?"
"Ok, I don't need to know that!" I said retreating quickly to serve other clients.
Later that night Ponos, Zephyr and Filthy Rich arrived. Ponos showed up and chatted with them a little bit until he went to the toilet.
Just a moment after, our particular walking chaos appeared...
"Good evening, gentlemen." Said Discord.
"Hi Discord, how did you not come all day?" I asked, surprised.
"It was a hard day at the university."
"Hard day? You?” Asked Zephyr laughing.
"Yes Zephyr, it is what you have to do when you have a job, do you remember what that is?" Everyone present laughed at Discord's comment; Zephyr Breeze was certainly not the best person to talk about laziness or not taking responsibilities.
Ponos return from the toilet with his hands a little wet and returned with us.
"Bourbon, you have run out of paper to dry hands." He said, but suddenly he realized that Discord had taken his place. "Excuse me friend, but this was my stool."
Discord turned in surprise to look at Ponos, and when he saw him, I swear that the color vanished from his face. The same happened with our new janitor.
“Ponos? Is that you?” Discord asked.
"Oh fuck me..." Ponos said suddenly.
“You know each other?” I asked curiously.
"I'm afraid so..." Discord said.
"Yes... and very well indeed. This quirky guy is my father..."
Rich and Zephyr spit out what they were drinking and Sunset, who had just appeared, threw the tray out; Luckily it was empty.
"You... do you have a son?" I asked still perplexed.
"Didn't I tell you?" Discord said, playing the innocent.
"Usually he forgets about those kind of details..." Said Ponos, it was not necessary to notice too much that there was a lot of tension between these two.
"Here we go again with the accumulated hatred." Discord said taking another sip of his beer.
Ponos and Discord talked for a while. Ponos explained to his father that he was now working as janitor in our building, and of course, Discord told him that he now lived there.
"I can't believe you dad. When was the last time when you called home or something?" Asked Ponos.
"Do you think I wanted to talk with your mother? I didn't want to talk her in person much less by phone." Replied Discord.
"You've always been a selfish moron, you know that?". Ponos just took his look away really pissed of.
Watching these two I had a bad Deja Vu. I started to think about the relationship I had with my father and bad memories came to my mind once again...
"Look son, I know I had never been the NO.1 dad, and considering how your mother was, I did my best... but, if there’s anything I can do for you, tell me." Discord said. For the first time since I met him, I could see sincerity in his eyes.
"Well, now that you say it... it wouldn't hurt to stay in your place, at least for some time." Discord seemed to think about it, but in the end he agreed. It’s his son, after all.
"Ponos, welcome then." I said raising a beer and toasting with him and the others. "By the way, I wanted to tell y'all that this weekend I intend to do a comedy contest in case you feel like passing by."
"Oh, and may I join?" Discord asked.
“Eh… well, I don’t see why not.” I replied not sure of where this would lead.
"Perfect, well, sign me up, I have some great jokes in my pocket."
"Dad, you wouldn't be funny even if you jumped rope naked." Ponos replied, which caused us all to laugh.
"Oh what the Hell, I sign up too." Filthy Rich said. "I am the life of the party at company dinners with my jokes."
"Yes, because being the boss had nothing to do with that..." Discord said.
"What do you mean? Are you implying I’m not funny enough?"
"I'm just saying that I would laugh more if I had gonorrhea." Discord replied.
"Ew, Discord, that's gross!" I complained.
“You son of a… very well, let's make this interesting, this weekend will be a one-on-one, and then we’ll see who’s the true comedy king.” Filthy Rich paid for his drink and left very indignantly while Discord continued to provoke him.
"Dad, I don't know how you do it, but you really have the ability to be a pain in the ass for everybody." Ponos said. And he wasn’t wrong at all.
The next day Rainbow Dash entered with Scootaloo in the pub.
“Dash, Scoots, how are you?” I asked to those almost sisters.
"Hi Bourbon, I bring you Scootaloo to show her the kitchen." Dash said. "Well, I'm leaving, I have things to do."
Always in a hurry. Just like someone I know but I didn't think too much about that...
"Well Scootallo, are you sure you have experience in the kitchen?"
“Bourbon, I've been preparing my food since the age of fourteen, and at home, with Rainbow Dash, who do you think cook? Dash is awesome in lots of things, but when it comes to cooking she can’t even fry an egg.” Explained the girl.
"Good point. Okay, after all, this is not a preppy restaurant, as well as you know how to prepare hamburgers, sandwiches, chicken wings, etc. you know, pub food, it works for me."
"So, am I hired?" She asked excitedly.
"Of course, now, put on a bandana and an apron that I left you in the kitchen and you can start." I said indicating the way.
"Right away. Boss.” Scootaloo said winking at me and emphasizing the word 'boss'.
That same afternoon Discord, Zephyr and Flash Sentry served as subjects of experiment for Scootaloo's dishes.
"Bourbon, this burger is excellent." Flash said.
"And these nachos are the best I've ever tasted." Discord said.
"Thanks to Scootaloo, in the end she was a good signing." I said glad to have hired that girl.
"By the way Discord, how are you doing about the comedy contest?" Zephyr asked.
“Well, look, I'm going to tell you a joke: what do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.” We all fell silent.
"Discord, that was worse than hitting a father with a sweaty sock." I said at such a joke, to call it somehow. I barely realized that Cheese Sandwich had entered the pub.
"Oh yeah? Well, look at this: this is a man so horny that he wants to fuck a very ugly girl, and then…”
"Here we go again, sex, sex, sex ... is there no other subject?" Interrupted Cheese Sandwich indignantly. “This really gets out of control, does nobody think of the children? You are sick…”
“What in the hell is wrong with you? Have you been asked to play the Chicken Dance with the accordion again?” Asked Discord.
"No, it's just..." This man seemed very overwhelmed. "Bourbon, may I talk to you?"
"As a friend or as a psychologist?" I asked fearing what the subject was about.
“I prefer as a friend; you don't charge me that way." Boy, didn’t think so. "You know... I really think I'm a sex addict." Cheese looked clearly ashamed, and the other’s laughs didn't make his situation better.
“Please Cheese, sex addict? That's the natural state of man.” Said the chaotic philosopher, playing down its importance.
"Yes, that's like saying that Berry Punch is addicted to alcohol..." Maybe Zephyr didn't realize, but what he said wasn't so much nonsense; In any case, we decided to ignore him.
“Let’s pretend nothing happened here…” I said.
"Stop saying bullshit, I'm about to lose my girl..." Maybe Cheese was overreacting, but he really looked worried. "And all because I can't take sex off my head..."
"But Cheese, what exactly happened to you?" I asked, what Cheese started telling us about his last encounter with Pinkie...
Pinkie and Cheese were at home about to have a soup for dinner.
"Dinner’s ready." Pinkie said smiling with a singing voice and serving Cheese some soup on the plate. “And then the movie and popcorn. Do you see how we can have a great time without ending with my panties off?”
"You’re right." Said Cheese taking the plate his girlfriend offered him. "Nothing better than being both here, quiet, having dinner as a normal couple, and with nothing that reminds us of sex..."
Pinkie laughed at Cheese’s occurrences. “Of course, besides, what can excite you about this situation? Soup? You would be sick.” Pinkie said laughing.
However, something made ' click ' in the Cheese’s brain and suddenly he imagined Pinkie dressed like a maid, looking at him seductively.
"Watch out for the soup, it's very hot... just like me." Said the Pinkie Pie of Cheese's fantasy. "You want a taste?"
Cheese recreated himself with what his imagination made for him, but suddenly he faced himself against reality. “Cheese, is the soup hot or not? What's wrong with you?"
"Err, no, it's perfect." He said taking a quick sip.
Pinkie did the same, but once again something went through the boy's mind that made him see that gesture as something devilishly sexy. Pinkie licking the spoon and putting it in her mouth repeatedly made Cheese's mind wander too much.
“Cheese what's wrong with you? Why do you have that weird face?” Pinkie asked innocently.
"Uhm... is just..." Cheese looked nervously around him. "I just can't find my napkin."
Pinkie looked for something for him, but in Cheese's mind he imagined how his girlfriend subtly took off her panties and threw them to his face playfully.
"Could this be of use?” She asked as she took them out of Cheese's hands. "And get ready because for dessert there is a sweet pie, and I need you for the...cream filling."
Cheese at that time had a stupid face impossible to erase, everything around it was diffuse...
"Cheese, could this be of use or not?" Pinkie said holding a simple rag.
"I just don't want to stain your panties..." Cheese said still in a trance.
"What panties?" Suddenly Pinkie's face broke down and she got up very angry. "You're already having dirty thoughts!"
"No, I said pancakes..." Said Cheese, but there were no valid excuses, they had caught him. “Okay Pinkie, yes I was having dirty thoughts. Look, this is too much for me, I think I need help from professionals...”
“You’ll go whoring?! You're a bastard!” Pinkie yelled very indignantly, but soon realized she was wrong. "Oh wait, you mean psychologists and so... right?" She said laughing embarrassed.
Cheese left Pinkie's house for the pub. Maybe there he could clarify the ideas.
“Goddammit Cheese…” Said Flash Sentry. "You do have an overflowing imagination."
"What’s wrong? Have you never fantasized awake?” Zephyr asked.
"Well, not in that way..."
"Yeah, of course… I have a hard time believing it considering time you’ve been without being laid." Zephyr replied bothering Flash.
"What do you know about my sex life? You asshole. Have you thought about yours?" Flash was getting pissed off.
“C'mon guys! Are you going to listen to me? I’m feeling awful.” Cheese was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "If I lose Pinkie because of this..."
"Come on Cheese, I think you're exaggerating." I said trying to cheer him up after a sip of my longneck. “Listen, I personally don't think you're a sex addict, but if you were, you have to keep in mind that I would have to diagnose it first; and also these types of addictions can become as serious as tobacco addiction or alcoholism, and therapies to treat it can last for months... even years.”
I know it wasn't very encouraging for my friend, but I had to be honest with him. Addictions are no nonsense, addicts are able to throw their lives overboard for not having self-control, each addiction is a disgrace to those who suffer and those around them, and this was no exception.
"Well, maybe it’s time to shine the Magic Lamp." Said Zephyr. We all look at him without understanding him. "You know, make the one-eye snake spit." Oh no, tell me he’s not thinking about... "Holy shit Cheese, wank yourself." Yes, he was thinking about it, and he even made the gesture of masturbating in case he wasn’t clear enough. "Think about it, if the rifle has no ammo there can be no war."
Discord and Flash laughed at Zephyr's comment, but Cheese looked like he wanted to kill him.
"Of course, Zehpyr, and we can get him into the zoo and let him blow off with the mandrels..." I said sarcastically.
"It's another option..." He said. I want to believe he said it jokingly, but, is Zehpyr Breeze who we’re talking about...
“What the fuck, dude, how am I going to do that? I mean, if I had to listen to everything you say…” Cheese commented apparently without giving importance to the suggestion of Fluttershy's brother. Or so I hope.
The next day, I dedicated myself in the morning to prepare the pub for the humor show, Filthy Rich was at a table taking notes with a face of extreme concentration. I brought him the glass of brandy he asked for and I decided to ask him what he was doing.
"Making accounts?"
“No, I'm planning jokes for tonight. Look, let's see what you think.” Rich handed me the notebook and I read some of those there were.
"Hey, Rich, can I be honest?"
"Yeah right."
“They’re bullshit, I mean, I would laugh sooner if I electrocute my balls rather with one of these jokes.” Likewise, my “sincerity” should work, but if you ask my opinion…
"Oh yeah? Then you've run out of tip!" He said angrily as I retired to the bar and he followed me.
“Don't think it’s personal, I don't really care if you win or Discord does; What I want is for the pub to fill up and people to have fun.” I explained.
"Yeah, but it would be very humiliating for me if Discord wins, understand that." Rich said sitting at the bar.
"Easy toff guy, as I saw that coming, I called two fellas I know to be a jury, so there will be a neutral opinion."
I cleaned a glass and suddenly as if we had summoned him Discord entered triumphantly.
"Good morning gentlemen, Rich, ready to see who’s the king of comedy?" Discord said haughtily.
"Don’t sing victory yet, also you don’t even have any jokes..." Said the millionaire.
"Au contraire, I have a list of great jokes right here." He said taking out a notebook similar to the one used by Filthy Rich.
"Let me se ..." I read two of the jokes, and he can't help laughing. The truth is that they were good. "Hahahah, Discord these are very good."
“Thank you, but I'm going to book them for tonight. Serve me a Lyrish Coffee while I go to the toilet.” He said retiring.
"Give me that." Rich took my notebook from my hands and began to read them. "Well they are good yes ... I think I'm going to make sure the competition." That said, Rich tore some pages from the notebook and put them in his.
“Rich, what are you doing? Are you really going to cheat?” I said indignantly.
"Everything’s fair in love and war." Suddenly he took 100 dollars from his wallet. "Here, I don't want to hear no word."
I accepted the bribe. Not that I liked the idea, but I had to pay bills. "Okay, but for the record, I’m not agree with this."
Filthy Rich quickly paid for his brandy and left. Discord returned without suspecting what he had done.
Soon Pinkie Pie and Rarity entered and sat at a table, which was attended by Sunset. Pinkie seemed between worried and upset and I had no trouble imagining the reason when Cheese came in and they left almost running.
"Pinkie, wait, I have to talk to you... shit." Cheese kept the word in his mouth and approached the bar. "Bourbon, can you give me a beer?"
"Right away."
"Or wait, better prepare me a Desperado, I need to forget..." Well, it was going badly.
"Cheese, do you remember that night in Mexicolt when you ordered one of those? If you throw up, I don't intend to hold your head." I laughed remembering that party, I was drunk too but cool enough to help him. "Ok, tell me, what happened?"
"Well, things with Pinkie don't get better, if even they get worse." Discord and I stared at him waiting for him to explain something else to us. "I don't know why I listened to Zephyr about shining the saber. Pinkie caught me in her bathroom."
I facepalmed and sighed.
“Begorrah, Cheese! what were you thinking listening to Zephyr? Don't you see that he only says nonsense? And in her bathroom?! Really?!” I replied thinking that my friend would have been somewhat smarter. I guess when you're desperate you make any nonsense.
"He's right, your problem has a chemical solution." Discord said.
"What?" Cheese asked looking at him strangely.
"You have to medicate yourself and ta da! Problem solved."
"That’s right! Bourbon, won't you have something out there that works for me?" Cheese asked as I put on a surprised expression.
"Yes, of course, and some opium pills if you are too hyperactive, and a good ole' snake oil if you want..." I said sarcastically. "Cheese, that's nonsense, also it's psychiatrists who prescribe these things, not psychologists."
"Well, I happen to have something around here." Discord said pulling out a bottle of pills without showing the label, which made me feel bad. "It's Androcur, with this you will lose all the livid."
"What? Are you fucking serious?” They both looked at me without knowing what I meant. "You can’t take that, it’s a very potent estrogen, it can cause you infertility and gynecomastia."
"The what now?" Cheese asked without understanding anything.
"You can grow tits Cheese!" Unfortunately, I said this too loudly and just as Sunset returned from the tables.
"Oops, I think I left a table without cleaning..." she said trying to avoid this awkward conversation. Not that I blame her.
"Bourbon, that's only if you overdo the dose." Discord said. "Take one and you will see that everything is better."
"What the hell, okay, I'm going to try." Cheese said taking the boat and taking a pill.
"Look, I don't want to know anything, I wash my hands..." I replied as I headed for the taps to pour me a beer. Something told me that I would need it.
When night came, I prepared to go down to the pub. I had left Sunset in charge while I dined a little with Big Mac.
"Will you come to the comedy show?" I asked my partner.
"Nope." He said.
"Seriously? Don't you want to see Discord and Filthy Rich being ridiculous?” I was surprised by his answer so I wanted to dig a little deeper.
"Nope. I'm tired and I'll stay here watching a movie, maybe I order a pizza.”
"Very well, whatever you wish." I had the feeling that Big Mac was hiding something, but I didn't want to think about it too much and went down to the pub.
The pub was full, and that already made my night. Sunset almost threw me up for being late while she was swamped with work. Sunset told me there were a couple of guys who wanted to see me.
When I saw them, I recognized them as the Brickwall brothers, the ones who were going to be jurors for Rich and Discord. Filthy Rich, who was going to act first, was trying to relax a bit, but Discord appeared arguing with Ponos.
"C’mon Dad, don't be paranoid, how can the jokes suddenly vanish?" Said Ponos.
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out..." Discord said more to himself than to his son. "Rich, I have a doubt, what are you going to open the show with?"
"I shouldn’t say that, Discord, I would break the mystery then..." Said the millionaire.
"I see..." Suddenly, Discord noticed Rich's notebook and couldn't get out of his astonishment. “And did you write these jokes alone or did you look for them in treacherousrat.com? You are using my jokes!”
"Well, your jokes... humor has no owner..." Filthy Rich tried to excuse himself.
“You filthy bastard. These jokes are mine.” Discord said indignantly, and it wasn't without reason.
“Look Discord, I'll explain it this way. It's capitalism for dummies; you have something that I need, if you don't sell it to me I get it in another way…”
"That is not capitalism, that’s pillage." Ponos tried to say.
“You shut up. Look Discord, order whatever you want, I invite you.” Filthy Rich went to the toilet while Discord showed him his middle finger and sat at one of the bar stools very pissed off.
For my part I went on stage after talking with the jurors and spoke through the microphone to start the performance.
“Good evening everyone, before I started, I wanted to introduce and thank the Brickwall brothers for coming today to play juries, even though they have their father in the hospital with cancer. Much encouragement guys!” All the people applauded the brothers who got up and thanked them with their hands. I went back to the bar to help Sunset serve when I looked at Discord, who had put on an accomplice look, as if he was up to something.
When Rich left the toilet, he returned to the bar to finish his beer ready to get the crowd, but Discord addressed him in an instant.
“Hey Rich, listen, I think I've taken things out of my mind. I wanted to wish you good luck, you have some great jokes. Above all, that one of the zodiacs…” He said the last thing in a low voice, but enough that Ponos and I would listen to him.
"Don’t worry Discord, it's time for the laughter to begin." Rich said as he went on stage.
"Dad, I know that look, what are you up to?" Ponos said.
"You’ll see…"
Before Rich started with “his” jokes, I went to the tables to serve drinks and snacks. Pinkie Pie and her sister Maud were at a table and Cheese Sandwich soon appeared with more than clear intentions.
“Hello Pinkie, hello Maud. Pinkie, can we talk for a second?” They both retired not too far, but enough to have some privacy. "Listen, I just wanted to explain to you that what you saw yesterday was not vice... well, I'm not going to say it hurt, but it was a kind of alternative therapy." I don't know if that was a very good explanation.
"I see, look, I wanted to talk to you too." Pinkie's tone was too serious, and that got me bad vibes. "Cheese, you see, I've been thinking about it, and we can't go on like this..."
"Oh gosh..." Cheese said bringing his hands to his face, but happy; I think he misunderstood her words. “How glad to hear that! I thought you were still angry. Don’t worry, from now on I won’t use my hands not even to applaud.” Yes, he definitely didn’t understand.
"No Cheese, I think you misunderstood me, what I mean, is that as things are going, I think we should just put things on hold for a bit..." Pinkie's expression was sad, but Cheese's face completely disengaged.
“But, Pinkie…” Cheese was devastated.
"Sorry Cheese..."
Pinkie returned to her table crestfallen, and I could swear that her hair was less bulky than usual, while Cheese went to the bar... I accompanied him as I imagined he would want something to drown sorrows.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I hope you feel like laughing!" Rich said from the stage, although people didn't wince. “Well, let's start, what do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows!
Please... I don't know if that was the one Discord had pointed out, but it was very bad. Rich got nervous because he didn't get anyone in the audience to cough even.
“Wow, this is a tough crowd, right? Don’t worry, here comes the main course. This one is for the jury, I’m sure you’ll like it. This is a guy who goes to the doctor and asks 'doctor, what do I have Pisces, Leo?' And he replies, 'Cancer, you fool, cancer'.”
Fuck, with that Filthy Rich did manage to get everyone's attention, and not in a good way. One of the Brickwall brothers almost got up to go after him, and the audience kept muttering. This was not going to end well.
“Uhm… yes tough crowd indeed; It looks like a shareholders meeting... Come on people! I want to see how you laugh! Specially the jury, you look like your father died…” Rich was still unaware of anything and the oldest of the Brickwalls was getting more and more angry.
"The orphans joke, tell the orphans joke." Discord said under his breath to Rich. And the millionaire paid attention to him.
“Ok, this is great. These are two gay brothers and one says to the other: 'brother, brother...” Rich tried to impersonate a homosexual in the most brazen way. " 'We are orphans, Daddy’s dead...'."
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The Brickwall brothers rose to the stage and faced Filthy Rich, and the poor bastard didn’t understand anything...
"What happens? What's wrong?” He asked, surprised by the jury's reaction. "Oh my... don’t tell me that you’re gay..." There was no more time to respond, because the older brother punched him with such strength that knocked him down.
I ran out to take Rich from there before they killed him, and I hurried to calm down.
“Well… Filthy Rich ladies and gentlemen! Uhm... let's move on to the next and last comedian, with all of you: Discord!” I said about to leave the stage to take Filthy Rich to a safe place.
"Very good evening, how’d you doing?" Discord said tapping the microphone. “Well, I may not overcome my partner's nerve, but I will try; Have you noticed how many vegans there are today? If those vegans became zombies, they would surely say 'GRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINS'. "
I had to admit, that joke was a little better, but he still failed to laugh out loud at the majority of the public.
After fifteen minutes that felt like three hours people were already getting fed up with Discord's bad performance, I kept hearing complaints, so I was obliged to tell him sneakily to leave.
"Yes, I better go now, I'm sorry, I only did this to have fun and try to help a friend, but it is very difficult to make people laugh with a life as miserable as mine..." He began to say, I was already desperate...
"The Morrigan takes me... and now he’s telling his sorrows..." I said pouring myself a whiskey.
“I was really good at figure skating.” At this there was a guy in the audience who started laughing like never before. "What’s so funny? Now I’m talking serious. I was the best entertaining the public with my stunts.”
"And did they really like that?" Said another guy from the audience.
“And if I fuck your mother, would she like that?” Discord answered bluntly, which started a good handful of laughs, including the type he insulted.
I drew his attention secretly and told him to continue, he just shrugged. "Time later I married a lady." People kept laughing at the bewilderment of the chaotic philosopher. "What happens? Do you know her?” The laughter continued. "After thirty years of marriage, my wife says we are at our best, we’re separated." Even I laugh with that. “Hey, it’s no big deal, it was consensual, she kicked me out and I said yes.”
People kept laughing with Discord, telling his life was the best he could do, it was as if all the bad memories of his horrible jokes had vanished with his own chronicles.
"I can't believe it... do you want me to talk about my sex life?" All the crowd said 'YEEEEES' in chorus. Discord just sat on the stool behind him and crossed his legs. "That's it." My stomach was hurting from laughing. "And they think it's funny... if you want, I'll tell you about the prostate..."
Once again, the audience shouted yes in chorus. In the end the night came alive, people laughed, and I filled the box. What else could I ask for?
The next morning everything was relatively quiet. Discord, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Sunset and I were chatting while the philosopher boasted of having won the contest. Soon Filthy Rich came in asking me for coffee in a take-away cup. He had an angry face as if he were an ecologist aboard a whaling ship.
"Oh, Rich, it's a shame... if it weren't because the jury had them father with cancer dying in the hospital you’d won for sure." Discord laughed.
"Come on Discord, don't go over with him, it’s not his fault that he looks like a panda." Rainbow Dash said laughing too. She wasn’t in the comedy show but we told her everything that happened.
“Seriously, I don't know why I still trust you. I will have my revenge on you, Discord.” He said while he picked up his coffee and paid me.
"Get in line then, my friend." The philosopher replied.
As Rich left, Big Mac entered with a box full of cider bottles.
“What happened to Rich’s face?” We just laughed knowing that Mac wasn’t in the pub last night. “Bourbon, do I put this in the storage room?” Asked Mac.
"Yes, fell yourself like home."
Big Mac went to the warehouse and then Cheese Sandwich entered, overwhelmed like the rest of these days and we were attentive so he could tell us his problems.
“I’m a walking disaster. In a matter of days I shit myself, my girl leaves me, and on top of that I’m so horny that I need to take this.” He said showing the pill bottle which Rarity took. "I really don't know what else can happen to me."
"Well, don’t know if it’s bad for you, but you're running out of laxatives." Rarity said laughing.
"What laxatives?" He asked as he picked up the boat again to read the label carefully. “Discord! Would you care to tell me what kind of pills you gave me?”
"Some that I had around." He said simply. I just facepalmed.
"Goddamit, this is... the best thing that ever happened to me!" Cheese suddenly said excitedly.
"You really like to shit don’t cha?" Dash said with a grimace.
“No, don't you get it? This means that I don't have a problem with sex, it was a placebo effect.”
“Placebo effect he says. Rather break up effect, because you really screwed it up.” I said emphasizing the situation. "Didn't I tell you it was all in your head and you were overwhelmed by nothing?"
"You're right, I don't know what could happen to me... I just wanted to keep Pinkie by my side." Said Cheese in a gloomy tone.
“With sex? Well, being Pinkie that’s better than taking her to the opera.” Said Rarity.
"And could you not have organized a party every day as you guys always do?" Discord commented.
"I don’t know. You see, the problem is that I became obsessed with not letting her down, make everything perfect for her. That she didn't feel like I was going to leave her, like when I went to Mexicolt to finish my studies and make money organizing parties…” Cheese was confessing his feelings, and although he didn't know it, it was the best moment. "Do you remember what we talked there, Bourbon?"
"I was drunk almost all that time, too much tequila." I said remembering how I became the wild rover down there. "But I do remember that you kept talking about a wonderful girl you met in Canterlot, and that you were looking forward to return to recover what you had left behind." I said with a mischievous smile.
"Yes, it might not be the most appropriate way to do it, but a man in love is capable of doing any nonsense. Specially for the prettiest, cheerful and loving girl in the world."
"And, does Pinkie know that?" Rarity asked.
"Now, she does." Said a voice behind Cheese. He turned around just to see Pinkie Pie smiling at him.
“Pinkie! How long have you been here?” He asked surprised.
"Long enough..." she said without taking her eyes off him. Those eyes were dreamy, the look of a girl in love.
"Well, I better go and leave you reconciling, because if I stay... it's going to be five dollars of mascara down the drain..." Rarity said as she left with a tear falling down her cheek. I smiled how this girl always got emotional with romance.
Sunset and I returned "to work" but still paying attention to the scene we had next to us. Discord grabbed a newspaper and did the same and Dash went to the toilet, I presume, because I lost her five minutes ago.
"So, you're in love... tell me, how is she?" Pinkie asked Cheese.
"Well, she's gorgeous, she's funny, sweet... and every day by her side is a crazy party." Cheese smiled hugging her by the waist.
Pinkie ran her arms around her boyfriend's neck and said “Yes, and she is also a very active girl, who has her needs…”
Then Pinkie kissed Cheese passionately as she ran her hands through her hair. He did not stay behind and began stroking her back until he went down to her butt.
"Ahem... why won’t you get a room?" I asked killing the mood.
"Oops sorry." They both blushed. "See you all, goodbye!"
When the couple left, I was alone with Sunset and Discord again.
"Thank goodness you stopped them, if you didn’t, I’m pretty sure they were making out over one of the tables." Discord said.
"Come on Discord... this is an ale house, not Coyote Ugly." I said as I left the bar on the way to the storage room to see if Big Mac needed help. “Besides, I think folks who come here are decent enough to know where they can and where they can't… FUCK!” I shouted, opening the door, but closing it immediately at what I had just seen.
"Boss! What's wrong?” Sunset Shimmer asked worriedly. “You look like you've seen a ghost."
“Sunset, did I get drunk this morning? Because I don't remember getting drunk this morning…” I said still trying to process what I saw.
“What the hell are you talking about, dude?" Discord said without understanding.
Suddenly, Rainbow Dash stifled out of the storage room trying to put on her shirt correctly.
"Uhm... I'm leaving, I should be in the base by now, see ya!" And as soon as she appeared, she escaped.
Shortly after, Big Mac came out, red as a fresh apple. He wasn't about to get away from me.
"You, stop right there, mister!" With my finger I told him to approach the bar. "Big Mac, would you care to explain me what the fuck was that before?"
"And this, my dear Sunset, this is Chaos Theory." Said Discord smirking.
Author's Note
I think things might be interesting after that
9 - All You Need Is... Love?
Big Mac was still blushing as I looked at him questioningly.
"Well, are you going to tell me what that was or are you going to come up with the typical 'it's not what it looks like, I can explain'?" I asked waiting for explanations.
"I... I'm sorry Bourbon, I don't know what happened to us." Big Mac gasped.
"Don’t worry, you can make me an outline if you prefer." I said shooting my sarcasm meter. "Really? You and Rainbow Dash?”
Discord and Sunset Shimmer couldn’t hold back them laughter, although they were as curious as me, especially Sunset.
"But Big Mac, when? Where? How?" Sunset asked.
"Well, a month or so ago, in the bayou, and... I don't really know how." Big Mac explained.
"Wait, are you telling me you hooked up in the bayou fais do-do?" I asked surprised. "But how?"
The oldest of the Apples began to remember how things had changed so much and in the strangest way...
Big Mac was drinking a beer all alone, sitting on a log around the fire that illuminated the bayou party place.
People danced to the music and drank quietly, and Mac watched the atmosphere of the fais do-do until someone caught his attention by tapping him on the shoulder.
"Hey there, Big Mac!" Big Mac turned around in surprise to find Rainbow Dash looking at him smiling.
"Oh, hi Dash, how are ya?"
"Fine, enjoying the party." She said taking a sip of her beer. "Do you mind if I sit here?"
Big Mac indicated with his hand that he didn't care, and Dash sat next to him. "Tell me, why that long face?"
"Oh, nothin’ I was just thinkin’..." Mac was never an eloquent guy, at least not much, but you could tell at that time he didn’t feel like talking.
"You're still feeling bad for your ex-girlfriend, right?" Dash asked trying to get to the heart of the matter.
"Eyup."
“I don't think I can tell you anything that you haven't been told before, but you don't deserve to suffer for someone who didn't know how to value you. Were you been dating with her long?”
"Is four years long?" Big Mac asked.
"Well, it certainly beats my record. I don't think I could tell you what a stable relationship is like thou.” Rainbow Dash replied as she finished her beer.
"Wait, weren’t you dating Soarin after High School?" Asked Big Mac puzzled.
"With Soarin? No, Soarin and I are friends, and yes, it’s true that we used to have a little fun from time to time, but that was long ago.” Dash explained.
“What I had with Sugar Belle was special, y’know? I don't understand how she could cheat on me like that…” Big Mac ran a hand over his face in frustration.
“Look Mac, I don't know her at all, but I'll tell you that if she cheated on you, she’s not worth it; You know that treason is as disgusting to me as lying to Applejack. No offense if I say that I don't like that girl.”
"Don't worry, not taken." Big Mac said downplaying it.
At that moment, Rainbow Dash got up, shook the dust from her legs, and stood in front of Big Mac. "C’mon, let's go get another beer and dance a little."
"Uhm, I don't know Dash, I don't feel like it..." The older Apple tried to excuse himself.
"Oh, come on! You need to disconnect; didn't Bourbon tell you that? Then the best way is drinking and dancing. Trust me, you won’t regret it!"
Almost without warning, Dash grabbed Big Mac's hands and led him to where the rest of the world danced merrily to the beat of the band playing covers of the Creedence Clearwater Revival.
Despite Mac's initial protests, he ended up dancing and drinking more alongside the rainbow-haired girl. Glancing at people, Mac laughed to see Bourbon drinking and singing with Gator to the sound of Cotton Fields .
"My gosh, you’re a pretty good dancer." Rainbow Dash said smiling at Big Mac.
"Thanks. You too." He replied.
“I think I'm starting to get a little tipsy, do you mind if we go for a walk to clear my mind?”
"Eyup. You first."
Rainbow and Mac left from the bustle to a quiet area while still chatting and laughing.
"And then I was inside Pinkie's locker trying to scare her and she suddenly appeared behind me." Rainbow said laughing. " I screamed so loud that they must have heard me even at Crystal Prep."
Big Mac laughed when he imagined poor Rainbow scared of Pinkie Pie. As they walked, they had inadvertently reached where Mac parked his pickup.
“I think this is the first time you and I speak for more than thirty minutes in a row.” Big Mac said.
"Well, I liked it, you’re a good listener." Rainbow Dash smiled looking at Mac.
Big Mac didn’t know why, but he looked away Rainbow’s eyes and blushed slightly.
"Uhm, I'm going to get somethin’ out o’ the truck since we're here." Said the older Apple brother.
Big Mac rummaged in his pocket for the key, but it slipped out of his hands and they fell to the ground. He went down to pick them up at the same time as Rainbow Dash and then they realized their faces were too close to each other, almost glued together. Big Mac grabbed the keys and stood up at the same time as Dash, but before he could say anything, she leaned toward him, kissing him on the lips.
The kiss lasted barely five seconds and the farmer was speechless.
"Rainbow... I…"
"Don’t say anything.” Then Rainbow Dash gently grabbed the lapels of his shirt and pulled him toward her again.
Rainbow Dash kissed Mac again and Mac, although still surprised, returned the kiss. He didn’t know when he had let himself be carried away by the situation; Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the atmosphere, or maybe the time it had been since he was like this with a woman, but, although he wasn't going to admit it openly, Big Mac felt great.
For her part, Rainbow Dash had shown how forward she was. She hadn't been foolish, for some reason it seemed like a good idea to kiss Big Mac and she did. There they were both: Big Mac with his back resting on his truck and beginning to shyly hug Dash by the hips as she ran her hands through the nape of his neck and hair.
"Hey, why don't we get in your truck and get more comfortable?" She suggested. Said and done, Big Mac nodded and opened the back door of the pickup.
He flopped down in the back seats as Rainbow Dash lunged at him. Unconsciously she was laughing at the situation, she was making out with the older brother of one of her best friends in the back seat of a truck in the middle of a Cajun party in the bayou, and she was enjoying it like a seventeen year old schoolgirl.
Rainbow Dash stopped kissing Mac for a second and looked him in the eye. "You kiss amazing, you know that?"
"Why thanks..." He said blushing.
"No, seriously, if I came to know this, I would have done it long ago."
Without further ado, Rainbow Dash unbuttoned Big Mac's shirt and started running his right hand across his chest. In a second she stripped off her shirt and bra, exposing her breasts.
Big Mac could see her in the dim light filtering into the truck. Unconsciously, the first thing he could think of was that her breasts weren't as big as Sugar Belle's, but of course he knew that saying that out loud could mean a death sentence and stay with blue balls for the rest of the night. However, Rainbow Dash had other qualities that made her stand out, her body was more athletic and very well-toned, and she was much more forward than his ex-girlfriend and even aggressive in the good sense. Rainbow Dash liked to take the lead and she was demonstrating it.
The rainbow-haired girl finished removing Mac's shirt and threw it out of the truck window out of euphoria without realizing it was open. Her hands went down to his pants as she kept kissing him, by the neck and chest.
"I need to know if you honor your name." She said giving him a little lick on the lips.
Big Mac tried to say something, anything, perhaps in his heart he believed that he should stop, but his body did not respond. Every fiber of his skin cried out to keep going with that festival of caresses and kisses.
Dash managed to undo the pants of the farmer and released Big Mac’s semi-erect penis. Although she couldn't see well due to the dim light, she put on a pleasantly surprised expression.
"Wow, now I do regret not having done this before... " Without further delay Rainbow Dash removed her pants and underwear, standing completely naked before Mac. She started to caress the farmer's member as she moved closer to whisper in his ear. "I want you to fuck me until I squeal with pleasure. Will you be able to do it?"
"Eeyup." Mac said ecstatically.
"Do you want to fuck me until I can't take it anymore?" Dash said, tempting him further with a seductive voice unlike her own.
"Eeyup." Mac said closing his eyes and starting to despair.
"Well, let's go there, stud, it’s rodeo time."
Rainbow Dash straddled her pelvis, then directed Big Mac's penis into her vagina. Little by little she introduced it while closing her eyes and sighing with pleasure.
"Damn, you’re so damn big..."
Big Mac growled in pleasure as Dash started to go up and down moaning and gasping as well.
"Do you like this big guy?" She said looking at him lewdly.
"Eeyup." Big Mac replied with his eyes closed.
Rainbow Dash kept riding him. Big Mac ran his hands over her body until he firmly grasped her butt, causing the rainbow-haired girl to flinch.
Unlike what it might seem, Big Mac was a shy guy and it showed even in sex. While Rainbow Dash liked to play the leading role, she also liked that a man was dominant, as long as he knew what he was doing. The fact that she had her best friend's older brother at her mercy turned on her like never before.
While she continued bumping up and down, she caressed her left breast and played with her nipple while she felt an orgasm begin to run through every fiber of her body...
"Ah, ah! I’m going to cum!" She screamed without stopping to move.
Feeling his lover's contractions, Big Mac felt confidence and took the lead. He gripped Rainbow Dash firmly, hugging her hips as she clutched at his neck and grabbed his hair.
Dash screamed like she was a possessed banshee, making Big Mac think for a moment that her screams would be heard even with the loud music of the fais do-do. When she relaxed, the farmer, still holding her in his strong arms, placed her on her back in the back seats and began to rut her like a hammer.
"Holy fuck, Mac, keep going, don't stop!" Rainbow shouted to immediately grab his cheeks and kiss him full of passion and desire.
Big Mac stroked her hair, embracing her, and kissed her neck. His mouth went to one of her breasts as he sucked her nipple like a newborn calf. Rainbow Dash moaned while she felt her head spin as her nails dig into the truck seats and Big Mac’s back.
The farmer went on for a while and his tiredness was beginning to show. Rainbow Dash looked at him, they were both sweaty and panting.
"Didn't you finish?" She asked.
"Almost there."
"Then I beat you for three." She said laughing. Big Mac looked at her in surprise, but deep down that comment inflated his male pride.
Mac took his last thrusts as he held Rainbow Dash clinging to his body and, after a growl, culminated inside her.
Rainbow Dash arched her back and moaned one last time until she collapsed into Big Mac's strong arms.
They were both panting and sweating as if they had run a marathon. She separated from him and sat next to him.
"Wow Dash, that was..."
"Awesome? I know." Rainbow Dash said interrupting Big Mac.
“I hope you don’t mind that I… you know… inside.” Said Big Mac blushing.
“Don’t worry Big Guy, I’m on the pill.” Then Rainbow Dash looked back towards the window. "Maybe we should go back, l bet they're looking for us."
Big Mac nodded and they both started dressing.
"Hey Rainbow, where's mah shirt?" Asked the farmer.
"Oops, I threw it out the window in the middle of our kissing..." Rainbow Dash said with a nervous giggle.
Big Mac got out of the truck and grabbed his shirt that was now full of dirt. He shook it as best he could and put it on.
Big Mac and Rainbow Dash were about to return when they began to hear someone yelling for the farmer.
"It's Bourbon..." Said Mac.
"Okay, I'll hide, and you take him away, I'll see you later." Dash said scurrying away.
Big Mac meanwhile went to look for Bourbon without realizing that he was smiling from ear to ear.
"Oh, so that's why your shirt was so dirty." I said remembering what happened that night while Big Mac blushed. "It’s clear that in a party like that the one who doesn't get laid is because he doesn't want to."
"Well, boss, let me remind you that you didn't do anything." Sunset mentioned.
"Right, maybe because someone was ruminating through my memories that night?" I said looking at Sunset seriously. "I remind you that if it hadn't been for Applejack, I would have done the horizontal tango with Fiddly Twang that night."
Big Mac looked at me stone-faced. "What in the hell is this with you and the women of mah family?"
"Oh, come on, let’s not get off-track here, we were talking about you. What happened after?" Asked Discord wanting to know more.
"Well, back at Canterlot I received a message from her, telling me that she hadn’t such a good time in a while, and asked me if I wanted to repeat it again; I asked mahself 'why not'... and until now."
The situation was at least curious. This explained why Big Mac had been acting so strange the past few days and why he seemed to be so much time away from home.
"Well I have to say you look better, not like before when you were 'Sugar Belle this, Sugar Belle that’..." Said Discord.
"Yeah Mac, I'm glad you and Rainbow Dash are dating." Said Sunset Shimmer.
"Well, the truth is... we ain’t datin’." Big Mac said, leaving the three of us surprised by that response.
"Excuse me?" I said.
“Okay, Rainbow Dash and I reached a kind of agreement; I don’t feel ready to start another relationship, and she is not sure that she wants to commit, we’re just... fuckbuddies.”
Fuckbuddies, I have known many people who used that term to define their relations with others in all these years. For me it was a simple way of saying that you had enough trust with someone to have sex with, but not enough to start a formal relationship. Or that you saw that person hot enough to hook up but not to fall in love. Sometimes I wondered if that was the kind of relationship that I had with Applejack years ago; we weren't a couple, but we had sex whenever we could... and we were certainly friends.
Maybe a relationship like that was what Big Macintosh needed, something that would make him forget about Sugar Belle, but without committing himself too much, because the injury he had due to his traumatic rupture was very recent.
"That's great Mac, but it's not going to last..." Discord said with a small laugh.
"What do you mean?" Big Mac asked.
"Those types of relationships do not work in the long term, either one of you fall in love with the other or end up throwing the junk at each other’s heads." Discord's explanation seemed simple; but, even if he did not openly acknowledge it, he was quite right in what he said.
"Discord, that's oversimplifying." Sunset said.
"It is what I think." The philosopher replied without going into more detail and took a sip from his coffee.
"Well, I gotta go to the store." Big Mac said looking at his watch. "By the way, nobody knows this, I ask you please to keep the secret."
Sunset and I said that there was no problem for us; the issue was Discord, because we knew how much he liked to spread juicy secrets, but after promising him under pain of serving him watered down drinks, he agreed.
After Big Mac leaved, we continued talking about the same topic and how it surprised us.
"If I'm honest, I thought Rainbow Dash would choose another Apple." Discord said with a sly smile.
"What do you mean?" I asked without understanding him.
"Oh, you know, that Dash would play for the other team..." I still didn't understand him but judging by Sunset's expression she understood well.
"Goddammit Bourbon, Rainbow Dash and scissors." At that moment I understood him.
"Rainbow Dash a lesbian?" I asked surprised. "Just to be sure, were you hinting at something between her and Applejack?" Discord shrugged and put on an obvious expression.
At that moment I was going to answer, but suddenly Zephyr Breeze entered the pub.
“Greetings friends, what are you talking about?" Discord was going to say something, but I discouraged him with a look.
As far as I knew Zephyr was always trying to flirt with Rainbow Dash, but she rejected him (and it’s no wonder at all). Telling him what I had seen would be a tremendous hit for Zephyr, and I would be lying if I said I wouldn't want to see his face when he found out, but we made a promise to Big Macintosh and that was sacred to me.
"Nothing, we were talking about lesbians." I facepalmed and Sunset decided she didn't need to hear any more, so she went to clean some tables.
"Oh, I love that subject..." Zephyr said with a pervert smile. "Have you ever thought about making a threesome with two chicks like that?"
"I do, more than once." Discord said bluntly.
"Okay, too much information." I said as I went to the tap to pour Zephyr a beer.
"Come on Bourbon, don't tell me you've never thought about it, it's the dream of any man, to have at your disposal two asses, four boobs, four buttocks..." Zehpyr's expression looked like a sex offender’s. Things like this made me believe that this boy did need therapy, that’s for sure.
"Zephyr, what I think and what I say are different things..." I replied without giving any details.
"Silence gives consent." Said Discord smirking.
Not much later Flash and Ponos entered through the door and joined the conversation while I wondered how much longer we would be talking about lesbianism.
Just then, as if the gods were making fun of me, Lyra and Bon Bon appeared, who sat at a table and Lyra greeted me with a smile. Suddenly a doubt I had for a long time assailed my mind...
"Speaking of which, are Lyra and Bon Bon...?" I made the gesture of bringing the two fingertips together to emphasize the obvious, and apparently everyone understood.
"Well, I think so, right?" Said Zephyr Breeze.
"They are the girls who live together on the first floor, right?" Said Ponos. “I can't say anything, I don't know them that well, but I think that the fact that two women, or two men, live together does not make them homosexual. You, Bourbon, live with Big Macintosh, are you gay because of it?”
"Of course, that's not conclusive proof." Said Flash Sentry. “But the truth is that since high school those two were always together and are very close, VERY close. Although, on the other hand, I could swear that I have seen Lyra hitting on with a dude not long ago, and about Bon Bon, I don’t know…”
As if summoned, Lyra came to the bar to ask for drinks.
"Bourbon, may I have a pint of Guinneighs?" She asked.
"Of course, by the way, Lyra, may I ask you a personal question?" I asked as I went to the beer taps and, on the way, I served another pint for me.
"For being you, of course, tell me."
The truth is that it was quite uncomfortable, but I plucked up my courage and proceeded. "Is there something between you and Bon Bon?"
Lyra seemed surprised by the question. “Between Bon Bon and me? The wall that separates our rooms.” She said laughing while the others looked at her not knowing if she was having a laugh or if she really was that innocent.
"Uhm, Lyra I think what Bourbon was referring to..." Flash tried to say but was interrupted.
"I know what he means, I'm not as dumb as I seem." She said with a sly smile. “Bonnie and I are good friends, the best; I love her with all my heart, and she loves me, but I don't think we should put any label on that…”
"What do you mean?" Asked Discord intrigued.
"I mean yes, we may sometimes be attracted to each other, but that doesn’t close us any door, especially for me, I kinda have a bee in my bonnet if you know what I mean." Lyra said smirking while we paid attention to her.
"So, you're bisexual." I said totally convinced.
"As I said, Bourbon, I don't like labels, if for you, the fact that I love my best friend and occasionally we have a little fun together, and then I do other things with another girl or boy, it makes me bisexual, I suppose that I am. But, in my opinion, we fell in love with souls, not with genitals.”
As strange as that explanation seemed, it could make sense, and the truth was that we all paid attention to what Lyra said. I took out the pint of my compatriot while I finished serving mine.
“Thank you, Bourbon, by the way, if you want to check firsthand what I have told you, you know where we live. After all, where there is room for two, there is room for three…” She said with a wink and left for her table, leaving me open-mouthed and staring blankly.
I didn't even hear that Discord was calling me. “Bourbon! You’re spilling your beer.”
As soon as I heard him, I cleaned the glass and fixed the mess I made. Then I started to drink trying not to give importance to Lyra's comment, although the others kept laughing and giving me knowing looks.
People kept going in and out throughout the morning. By the time Scootaloo arrived I was with Discord, Zephyr, and Berry Punch, who was quite upset.
"And what's wrong with you Berry?" I asked.
"Well, yesterday my daughter Piña and my sister Cherilee were robbed." She said as she took a sip from her glass of wine.
"Holy shit, where?" Asked Discord.
"Well, not too far from here, the truth is that he sure gave us a scare..." Berry said and prepared to tell us her anecdote.
Berry Punch, Piña Colada and Cherilee were walking quietly down the street after leaving the cinema.
"I swear, I'm not going to the movies with you again mom. The trick of removing popcorn from the guy’s crotch next to you only works if you buy popcorn…” Said Piña angrily.
“Honey, I'm sorry, but it's been so long since I was in the dark with a man that I think I got carried away little. But what your aunt did was worse, what a brawl she made to the poor ticket seller for calling her madam.” Berry Punch said remembering the scene of Cherilee with the box office.
“Since when do you call a young woman in her thirties ‘ma’am’? Besides, I'm not even married.” Said Cherilee angrily.
"And if you continue with that bad attitude, you’ll never get marry, auntie." Piña said laughing, while her mother nodded, and her aunt looked at them wanting to kill them.
Suddenly almost without warning, a guy wearing a balaclava appeared behind Piña.
"Show me the money, quickly!" He said while pointing a knife at them.
"No please, please don't do anything to me." Said Piña terribly scared.
"Stop, don't do anything to her, she's very young." Said Berry putting herself between her daughter and the robber.
"Come on, the money, the jewelry, whatever!" The robber said, losing his patience.
"Yes, take it away, but don't do anything to us." Berry said taking her purse out of her bag.
"And you too!" He said pointing at Cherilee.
Cherilee also agreed, giving him some bills in her wallet and the thug ran away. With the nerves on the surface the three girls began to calm down.
“Well, calm down… Sis, are you okay? And you sweetie, are you okay?” Berry Punch said hugging her daughter. "The important thing is that we are fine, and this has only been a scare."
Suddenly someone touched Berry Punch’s shoulder, she screamed, Cherilee and Piña also yelled, and the person who was behind Berry also shouted due to the domino effect. It was Rarity.
"But why are we screaming?" The fashionista asked confused.
Piña tried to explain it to her, but she kept babbling and sobbing, Rarity only vaguely understood "knife, thug, run..."
"Alright, can someone who speaks my language explain to me what happened?" Asked Rarity.
"Yes." Berry Punch said, but she was nervous too and kept babbling. Such was the case that Rarity slapped Berry to see if she reacted, but she returned the slap, leaving Rarity rubbing her cheek and more bewildered.
"Rarity, a crook robbed us." Said Cherilee as she seemed the calmest of the three. "Really, can’t a girl no longer walk quietly on the street without being afraid of getting mugged?"
"Oh darlings, they haven't done anything to you, have they?" Rarity asked concerned.
"No, luckily it was just the scare." Said Berry still nervous.
"Come on, let's go home and see if we can forget all this." Said Cherilee.
"Wow, I didn’t know crime was a real problem in this city. This is making me sick." I said indignantly.
"And don’t think the cops are doing something about it..." Berry Punch complained. "Sometimes I think that if we really want that nothing will happen to us, we have to defend ourselves."
"Hey, that's not a bad idea." Said Sunset who had joined us in the middle of the story. "Not long ago I saw an ad for self-defense classes, we could sign up."
"Really? Who do you think you are now, the Power Ponies?” Asked Discord mockingly.
"Discord, shut up, Sunset is right, we will go to those classes and we will move from victims to victimizers, whatever the cost, whatever the cost!" Said Berry Punch very decisively. "Hey, they give discounts to groups, right?"
A little later Fluttershy entered the bar.
"Hi everybody." She said in her soft and shy voice.
"Hello, sis." Said Zephyr.
"Hello, Fluttershy." Said Discord.
"What’s up Flutters? Can I get you something?” I asked.
"No, not now at least, thanks." She said. "By the way Bourbon, haven't you seen a girl come in the pub, somewhat scruffy, with hippy looks, sandals, pendants and dreadlocks in her hair?"
"Well, no, I would remember seeing someone like that in my pub." I said surprised at the description.
“I'm meeting a friend here, Tree Hugger. We studied veterinary together and took part on different environmental organizations at college. Those where the days when we fought for what we believed fair.” Fluttershy explained.
"Ah, your friend, the hippie ecologist, I already remember her." Discord commented.
"Too idealistic for me, I'm just satisfied to make ends meet and have enough bottles of cider in the fridge." Said Berry Punch.
"We’ll have to check the ecologist, surely she is one of those who take a photo with a seal and then you don’t know which is which." Zehpyr said laughing. Discord and I both laughed at that comment.
"Zephyr please..." Said Fluttershy with rebuke. "Treat her well, she’s also Sandalwood's sister."
"Oh boy... a female version of Sandalwood, that remains to be seen." Zephyr said surprised.
"Fluttershy!" A girl who had just entered suddenly said.
We all look at her. She was indeed as described by Fluttershy, a girl with red and orange dreadlocks, wearing a bandana with flowers on her head and wearing a low-cut white top, a brown fringed vest, and a long, wide skirt. She had a heart-shaped tree pendant around her neck. The girl had an expression of calm and serenity, although if it wasn’t because her purple eyes were not reddened, I’d swear she had smoked something. But what really surprised me is that she was indeed kinda pretty.
Apparently, Zephyr must have thought the same because he was speechless and had that stupid face.
"Treezee!" Fluttershy said hugging her and she reciprocated. "How was the trip?"
"Radical, a very nice couple took me while hitchhiking."
"I see you haven't changed a bit." Said Discord while drinking. "It's been a while, Tree Hugger."
"Discord, I knew the universe would bring us back together." Tree Hugger said in her carefree, calm tone.
"Look, Bourbon this is Tree Hugger, Treezee this is Bourbon Maverick, the owner of this pub." Fluttershy said introducing us.
"Nice to meet you." I said.
"Radical to meet you, nice joint you, it gives me very good vibes." She said in her lingo.
"Uh... thanks I guess." I said laughing.
"Hey, sis, aren't you introducing us?" Zephyr said suddenly, somewhat anxious.
"Oh, yes, he’s my little brother, Zephyr Breeze."
"How cool to meet Fluttershy's brother." She said putting her hands on her chest making a cross with her arms. Fluttershy, can we go and leave my stuff at your place? I'm tired."
"Of course, let's go. See you later guys."
We said goodbye to Fluttershy and her friend as Zephyr kept staring at Tree Hugger with his mouth open. Berry Punch rolled her eyes and paid for her drink.
"Anyway, I'm leaving, because if I stay a while longer here, I will need a canoe due to this guy’s drooling. Sunset! Meet me at my place to talk about defense classes.”
And just like that, Berry left, and I prepared to continue with the work.
“Hey Bourbon, have you seen how my sister's friend looked at me? I think she was flirting with me.” He said very excited.
"Please Zephyr, land..." Said Discord.
"Of course, Zeph, and it doesn’t surprise me at all, because you have so many things in common... she is an animalist like you, an ecologist like you, a vegetarian like you, a hippy like you..." I said with sarcasm. "Zehpyr, mark this word: IM-PO-SSI-BLE."
"Whatever you say, but is it me or Tree Hugger wasn't wearing a bra?" He asked me, and he was not mistaken, since Fluttershy's hippy friend had her nipples erect. The worst thing is that I didn’t remember when I had noticed that.
Not wanting to listen to Zephyr's nonsense, I kept working, but I realized he was calling someone on the phone: Sandalwood.
That afternoon I was with Scootaloo in the kitchen explaining her how to make the perfect guacamole.
"Scoots, the key to a good guacamole is to use fresh ingredients." I said showing her the raw material.
I took a knife and cut an avocado in half and took the seed out, then asked her to chop a little onion and tomato. Once everything was prepared, we put it in a bowl and crushed it well.
"Normally we would use a molcajete, but we are not in Mexicolt, so this will do in a pinch." I explained.
"Now what is missing?" She asked.
"We just have to add a little chopped jalapeño, fresh coriander and lime juice."
Scootaloo took a jalapeño from a jar and minced it well, then she did the same with the coriander, and took out a lime which she squeezed into the bowl. After mixing everything well, she indicated to me that the dish was ready.
"Well, let's try it." I said as I pulled out some tortilla chips.
We both tried guacamole and were delighted with the flavor and texture.
"It's great, thanks for the recipe, Bourbon." Said Scootaloo.
“You're welcome, I learned to make this back in Mexicolt when I was touring the country with Cheese Sandwich. Now it will be the new menu item.” I said as I finished eating. "Well, prepare the burgers that they’ve asked me for."
"Coming up, boss."
When I came out the kitchen, Discord was at the bar and some people at tables waiting to eat or chatting quietly while they drank.
Suddenly we saw someone pass through the door of the bar, with loose blonde hair and wearing round purple tinted glasses. Suddenly we recognized who was he: Zephyr Breeze.
Such a vision made Discord almost spit out his beer while laughing.
"Zehpyr, do you remember when I told you that you couldn't dress worse? Well, I was wrong.” The philosopher said laughing.
"Ha, ha, ha, you’re so funny Discord." Zephyr said trying to ignore the biting comment from the philosopher.
"But Zephyr, look at you. You look like someone out of an anti-war protest of the 1960s.” I said without holding back the laughter.
"Then I have done well." He said smiling, although I did not understand the reason.
While we were talking, we noticed that Tree Hugger had entered the pub, to which Zehpyr reacted. This time she was wearing denim shorts and a loose top with a pretty psychedelic pattern.
"Bourbon, put on this song please." He said handing me a piece of paper, I looked at the title and was puzzled.
"Really?" I asked and he just gestured for me to continue.
In the end I played the song Zephyr asked me and I decided to just enjoy the music, the truth is that it was one of my favorite songs, but I suspected that for Fluttershy's brother it was just a tool.
"Wow, in this pub you know good music." Said Tree Hugger.
"This is one of my favorite songs, of a lifetime." Zephyr said looking at the hippy.
"But since when do you like Jimmy Hendrix?" I asked, mainly to piss him off.
"Since always..." He muttered to me and gave me an angry look.
I poured them a couple of beers and Zephyr then began to strike up a conversation with Tree Hugger on various topics, from poverty to animal abuse, although I felt that Zephyr had no idea what he was talking about.
"I was in an NGO some years ago, we were helping to build wells." He said.
“Cool, it’s radical to find such supportive guy like you; people are very absorbed by this society, they need to open their minds and connect with the world around us. Live free.” Tree Hugger said placing her hands solemnly.
“That's what I say, live free; we have plenty of things in common.” Zephyr said smiling, I couldn't help but laugh.
"Yeah, it's amazing that Fluttershy didn't introduce us earlier." Tree Hugger said resting her chin on her hand and looking at Zephyr. " Do you know what I think about?"
"Well yes, because I think the same." Zephyr said with his 'best' seducer look. "But better in your place, that in my house are my parents." Zephyr said.
"I’d thought of my brother's place, he won’t be there, and more people will fit in." Tree Hugger said, that suddenly caught my attention.
"More people?" Zephyr asked puzzled. "But how many do you want us to be?"
"All those concerned about the extinction of cetaceans, we need to become aware of our marine brothers because they have no voice, and we are their representation here." Tree Hugger explained.
“Oh, yeah... cetaceans… I don't know what to say..." It was clear that Zephyr was not attracted to being in an assembly surrounded by hippies and ecologists.
"C’mon Zeph, also when the assembly ends you and I can always try to connect our chakras." The tone Tree Hugger used was slightly different from the one she had used before and her gaze showed a different expression. Despite being a psychologist, I was never good at capturing the signs of women, but even a clueless fool like me had caught her flirt.
“What?" Unfortunately, Zephyr was clumsier and naiver than I thought.
"She wants the dick, you moron." I said whispering so Tree Hugger wouldn't hear me.
"Oh! let's go there, long live the cetaceans!" He yelled raising his fist.
Looking at them I thought of all the strange people who used to come into my pub, and at that moment the speakers played a song that summed up very well the story of my life.
Both paid their drinks and left together. At that moment Cherilee entered the pub and gaped at the sight of Zephyr and his looks.
"Peace, miss C." Zephyr said gesturing with his V-fingers and walking out the door.
"Was that Zephyr Breeze?" Cherilee asked pointing with her thumb at the door, I just shrugged. "My goodness, and I thought I had seen it all today."
“How’s going Miss Cherilee? Can I get you something?" I asked being formal with her.
"Bourbon, we are no longer in high school and you are no longer my student, you don’t have to be so formal with me.” She said giving me a smile.
Cherilee was Cherry Berry and Berryshine’s older sister, and Ruby Pinch and Piña Colada’s aunt; but unlike her sisters she lived alone in her apartment. She was a teacher at CHS when I was studying there, and as far as I knew she was still working there.
I have to admit that she was one of the few members of the teaching team that I really liked back then, and as far as I was concerned, she was always nice to me.
"Ok Cherilee, what do you want to drink?" I asked again.
"Get me a glass of wine, please, I need it after what happened this afternoon..." She said reluctantly.
"Why? What happened?"
"Do you remember that Sunset, my sister and my niece wanted to sign up for self-defense classes?"
"Yes, actually, I gave Sunset two hours off because of that, why?"
"I was there too, we took classes at Sunset and Twilight's house because it was more spacious, but it didn't go as we expected..."
Cherilee set out to tell me what happened this afternoon...
At Sunset's place, Berry Punch practiced with a broomstick like a martial art stick while the others got ready.
"Kya, kya." She yelled as she shook the stick. "Watch this, Sunset. I’m good with the stick.”
Suddenly she shook the stick again, with such bad luck that she hit a glass that ended up breaking.
"Oops, sorry..." Berry said apologetically.
“Damn it, Berry, could you be more careful? The teacher is about to come.” Sunset said.
"Look, I think I pass." Said Piña Colada. "If I want to learn how to kick, I’ll watch a Jackie Chan movie..."
Piña went to the door, but before she reached it, the doorbell rang. She opened and entered a young man, slender and very attractive, with short hair and a trimmed beard. Sunset, Berry and Piña gaped at the sight of such Adonis in front of them.
"Hello there, I'm Gleaming Shield, your defense teacher." The boy said.
"Hi." The three girls said as they untied their hair and shook it seductively.
“Hi Gleaming Shield, I'm Berryshine; but you can call me 'whenever you want’.” Berry said shaking the teacher's hand.
Gleaming took Berry's hand, but instead of shaking it, he turned her over, crossed her arms, and gently threw Berry to the ground, straddling her.
"First rule of self-defense, anyone can be your enemy." Said the professor still above Berry. "Second rule, each of our limbs can be a weapon."
After saying that, Berry leaned her head forward and looked blatantly at his crotch. "Well, I'm looking at one of mass destruction right now."
Sunset and Piña raised both of them, Sunset grabbed the teacher and started talking to him.
"Really, how lucky we have been to have you as our teacher, because this neighborhood is becoming very dangerous." As she said this, Sunset was getting closer and closer to Gleaming Shield. "Especially for a young, single, uncompromising girl like me... you know, a girl doesn't wear a bra anymore in case they steal it from her."
Piña grabbed Sunset by the shoulders and pulled her back.
"Well girls, don’t worry because from now on with my classes that will never happen again, so rest assured. I'm going to show you one thing.” Gleaming Shield pulled up part of his shirt and lowered the waist of his pants to show a scar, although the girls looked more at their marked abs. "Do you see this scar?" They all nodded in amazement. "How do you think I got it?"
"A stab wound?" Sunset asked. Gleaming denied.
"A shark-attack?" Piña asked.
"It's appendicitis. And that's because I know self-defense. Kya!” He screamed, putting himself in a defensive position, scaring the girls. “Come on, let me show you all an example, you, Berryshine; Imagine that I’m a robber, what would you do to me?”
"Oh… I would do everything to you, ruffian." She said approaching him in a seductive tone.
Cherilee suddenly grabbed her sister and stood between her and the teacher. “Come on, leave it, you must have navigable sections between your legs. Tell me, what do I have to do?" Asked to Gleaming Shield.
"Very well. Defense position.” He said as they both got ready. "You're going to try to hit me, but that's all she's going to try because..." Gleaming turned to speak to the others, but without any warning Cherilee kicked him in the crotch, leaving Gleaming Shield speechless. "Very good..." He said nodding with a thin voice, obviously concealing the pain. "Well, this... I've let her hit me for you to see what not to do... the bathroom please?"
They all pointed to the bathroom, and Gleaming Shield headed there, chasing like a cowboy after riding two days in a row. "Let a volunteer prepare to have a melee with me."
When the teacher closed the bathroom door, Berry, Sunset, and Piña began to fight and argue to see who would practice with the hot teacher.
"Girls, girls! Just look at you! You look like you’re in heat, the only thing you didn’t do is sniff his ass.” Cherilee said trying to bring order.
"But what nonsense do you say, big sis? We haven't even noticed him.” Berry Punch said concealing, like the others. "How is this guy? Is he cute?” She asked the others and they made themselves crazy. "Cherilee, we are no longer old enough to fall in love with the teacher as if we were a bunch of teenagers."
Suddenly the bathroom door opened, and Gleaming Shield stuck his head out. "Excuse me, do you have ice?"
"YES!" They all said in unison.
"And whiskey!" Sunset said about to go to the kitchen, but Berry tripped her causing her to stumble and fall.
"And remember Sunset, first rule: anyone can be your enemy." Beryshine said.
"My gosh, check out the playground..." I said surprised by the story as I served Cherilee her wine. "Well, beware of Sunset, the last time she fought with Rarity over a boy, Troy was burnt."
Cherilee just sighed as she drank.
At that moment, the two people who least expected came through the door: Applejack and Applebloom.
"Applejack, Applebloom! What are you doing here?” I asked surprised but glad to see them.
"Howdy Bourbon." Said Applebloom smiling. "We were coming to pay you a visit."
"Really? Lucky me.” They asked me for their drinks, and I prepared them with pleasure: a cider for Applebloom and a Jack Cola for Applejack.
"Thanks Bourbon." Applejack said smiling.
“Hey Bloom. How are you?" Scootaloo said coming out of the kitchen.
"Hello Scoots, just here, having a drink."
"Hey, have you thought about doing something for your birthday?" Scootaloo asked.
"Not yet, but I'm shuffling ideas."
"And why don't we celebrate it here?" My cook said.
"What did you say?" I asked hoping I hadn’t heard correctly.
"Hey, it's perfect!" Applebloom said. "There’s plenty of room here and we know the owner."
"I, uhm... I don't know girls..." I was not quite sure that I wanted to celebrate a birthday party for a bunch of 20-somethings.
"Oh, c’mon Bourbon, please do it for the good ole’ days." Applebloom said pouting with a puppy-dog face.
"Shit, fine, but I expect you to be responsible." I said, I could not resist Applebloom’s sweet look, sometimes it was like she hadn’t stopped being that mischievous twelve-years-old girl.
"You’re brave, Bourbon, hopefully these gals won't burn your place down." Applejack said with a laugh.
"Very funny AJ..." I said sarcastically.
The night passed without much more news. After saying goodbye to the Apple sisters, I closed the pub and went home. I just wanted to have a shot of whiskey, go to bed, and sleep until the next morning.
When I woke up to the first rays of the sun coming through the window, I let out a frustrated snort.
I got out of bed and went to the kitchen, ready to have a good strong coffee. I’m not a person without a coffee in the morning.
I stared at the coffee pot and thought about my stuff when someone suddenly caught my attention.
"Morning, Bourbon!" A female voice said, which startled me.
When I turned to see who the owner of that voice was, my surprise was huge when I saw Rainbow Dash rubbing one eye and yawning. Her hair was messy, and not just because she'd just gotten up, and she was only dressed in a shirt that I suppose belonged to Big Mac and looked ridiculously large on her.
“Rainbow Dash? What are you doing here?" I asked her.
"I've slept here, well, sleeping to say the least, you know what I mean..." She said winking at me.
"Uh... yeah, too much information." I said looking away.
"Hey, Bourbon, I still haven't apologized for... you know, the other day in your storage room." She said scratching the back of her neck.
"Oh, well, don't worry, but I'd appreciate if y’all unleashed your primary impulses somewhere else next time."
"Sir, yes sir." She said making the military salute. "I hope you don't mind me staying here, we just thought that since you know you wouldn't mind."
"Not at all, but I would prefer if you let me know a little earlier so I would avoid these morning scares." My coffee was prepared so I went to serve myself, but not before being a good host. "Coffee, cocoa or tea; Dash?” I asked for.
"Coffee, if possible. Thank you."
Dash and I chatted for a long time over breakfast and had a nice time. Curious since she and I had never really been intimate, but I was comfortable with her.
A while later I went to the pub where I met Sunset Shimmer. There she told me that in the afternoon she would return to self-defense classes. I wanted to talk to her about the issue she had with Berry and Piña about the teacher they liked but I decided to mind my own business.
At noon I was with Discord and Flash Sentry chatting until Zephyr arrived.
"Peace, brothers." He said sitting down on a stool with us.
"Zehpyr, you're still on that?" I asked while cleaning a glass.
“Get used to the new Zephyr, Bourbon. Tree Hugger has revealed to me a new world, with which to be in harmony with all beings.” Holy shit, what some people will do for get laid.
"But did you bang her or not?" Asked Discord completely tactless.
“Fuck yeah! Four times! My gosh, that girl seems calm, but in bed she is a tigress. Who was going to say that tantric sex is so incredible. Even my balls are sore.” Said Zephyr excitedly.
"I'm glad for you Zephyr, so, what are you going to have?" I asked.
“Bring me a tofu burger on whole wheat bread, skinned potatoes and a beer, but organic.” After saying that, there was silence and we looked at Zephyr as if a second head had come out of him.
"Excuse me, what?" I asked still incredulous.
Suddenly, Scootaloo came out of the kitchen with two hamburgers.
"Okay, a bacon-less burger and extra pickles for Discord, and a double cheeseburger for Flash." Scootaloo said leaving the dishes on the bar. "Enjoy yourselves!"
"Thanks Scoots." Flash said as she withdrew.
“I had my doubts at first, Bourbon, but you won the lottery with Scootaloo. Let’s eat!" Said Discord poking his tooth into his hamburger.
They both enjoyed their food, but Zephyr stared at them with a displeased face.
"Are you really going to eat that?" They kept chewing and completely ignored Zephyr. "Treezee says there are more bacteria in a hamburger than the railings on the subway." But Flash and Discord kept eating. "Treezee says that cows on farms have terrible eye infections for not taking good care of them." Nothing. "Treezee says that sometimes those bacteria end up eating the cows' skulls, leaving them with a huge hole..."
"That’s it! I don't want any more…” Flash said putting down his hamburger, but Discord kept eating as if nothing had happened.
"What? Have you tried my ex-wife's food? After that I would have soup in that skull to make contrast.” Said Discord.
"Doesn't it bother you, Bourbon?" Flash asked.
"After eating my grandmother's offal in Applelachia: Kidneys, liver, tongue, brains, testicles... I’m not disgusted by anything." I said as if nothing, but Flash put a hand to his mouth.
"Excuse me a moment..." He said and ran towards the toilet.
"What did I say?" I asked surprised by the reaction of our colleague.
“Well, it doesn't matter, this afternoon I’ll see her again in a meeting about a jungle in I don't know where; I can already imagine what that will be like, with all the hippies saying…”
"Zephyr, you bastard! You slept with my sister!” Said someone who entered the bar with rage on his eyes. It was Sandalwood, accompanied by Fluttershy.
"Zephyr Breeze, you care to tell me what lies you have told Tree Hugger?" Fluttershy said visibly angry. "Tell me, when did you chain yourself to an eucalyptus to save a family of koalas?"
"Look, sis, don't get me wrong, everyone at the beginning of a relationship always lies a little... right?" Zephyr said trying to justify himself.
"Of course, I did, without going any further I told my ex that every day she was more beautiful." Said Discord.
"Discord, you stay out of this, please." Fluttershy said beginning to raise her voice, which for her would be speaking in a normal tone.
"But what relationship are you talking about? You lied to get her into your bed.” I never thought Sandalwood would look so pissed off, he's usually the calmest guy I know, but of course anyone would react like that after someone messed with his sister. "How would you like if I fucked your sister now?"
He said that in a louder tone, turning part of the pub to look at us. Zephyr's eyes widened, and poor Fluttershy was so flushed that she looked like a garden tomato. Soon Sandalwood reacted by returning to normal. "Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Anyway, there is nothing between you and my sister; just lies to take her to bed, but that's over, because right now I'm going to go with her and tell her the whole truth.”
Sandalwood was about to leave, but Zephyr grabbed his arm. "Very well my friend, go and tell her the truth, tell her that I have been in love with her since I saw her enter this pub." Hearing those words come out of Zephyr's mouth left me quite surprised.
"What love? Zephyr, I know you very well, when girls start wearing tank tops and miniskirts you fall in love three times a day.” Fluttershy said without crediting what her younger brother said. "Tree Hugger and you are like night and day."
"So what? I’m in love, and for her I’m trying to change…”
"Zephyr, I’m not trying to discourage you, and I may not be the best one to tell you this, but you would have to be born again rather than change." Sandalwood said.
“Look Zephyr, I’m your sister, and I love you; that's why I think you're wrong.” Fluttershy said putting her hand on Zephyr's shoulder. "There are a lot more women out there for you than Tree Hugger."
"Like whom?" He asked looking at Fluttershy.
There was silence. The truth is, if that question had an answer, it was very well hidden.
“Look Flutters, I'm twenty-five years old, I have no job, I still live with mom and dad and my love life can be described, at best, as non-existent; And yet, I wake up every morning hoping to find that special someone. And today that hope has a name: Tree Hugger.” He said gesturing with his hands as if showing a giant sign. "And neither you nor Sandal are going to take that away from me..."
After that speech that surprised me could come from Zephyr Breeze’s lips, we remained silent for what seemed like an eternity.
"But, is he serious?" Fluttershy asked me.
"Have you seen the way he’s dressed? Also, when did Zehpyr order a tofu burger and wheat bread to eat?” I said remembering his strange craving. "If that's not love, I don't know what could be..."
"Damnit... I'm going to talk to him, maybe I was too rude." Sandalwood said. "I will invite him a joint to relax tensions." And so, our Rastafarian friend left.
"Sandal, don't drug my brother!" Fluttershy said but he ignored her.
I looked at the time on the clock, Sunset class was about to start, what were they doing now?
In Berry Punch's apartment, she was dressed in a tracksuit talking to herself, rehearsing for when she met the defense professor again.
“So, you say I’m your favorite student, Gleaming. Oh, silly boy." She said with a flirtatious laugh. "How about we practice a technique to open this."
With a quick movement, Berry unbuttoned her jacket, revealing a T-shirt with the phrase 'Hot Girl' printed on it. At that moment, Piña Colada left her room with blue leggings and a tank top tied at the level of her breasts, revealing her flat tummy.
"Shall we go?" She asked smiling with her hands on her hips.
"My goodness, sweetie, how beautiful you are, you're going to have to get rid of the boys." Berry said smiling, but suddenly realized what was going on. "Wait a minute, you don’t want to go to defense class dressed like that, do you?" Piña Colada shrugged as if to emphasize the obvious. "No, I mean you're going to get cold, come on, go to your room and put on a jacket." She said.
"No, don’t worry mommy, I'm fine." Piña said trying to set an innocent tone.
"Are you disobeying me?" Berry yelled. "You're grounded, I don't want you to leave your room until I get back from defense class."
"No wait, you can't go." Piña said. "It's just... they called from high school; something happened with Pinch. I don't know what she did, but I just understood: fire, laboratory and 'I didn’t do it'.”
"What? Holy shit what am I going to do with this girl...? "Berry said starting to worry.
"See you later sis, see you later mom." Said Pinch, who had just left her room to go outside leaving the front door ajar.
Piña and Berry stared at each other, each with an accusatory gaze.
"Care to explain what your sister is doing here?" Berry asked crossing her arms.
“She lives here… what else?" Piña said with a silly smile. "Okay, yes, I lied to you, but because I got grounded for no reason."
“Excuse me, not for no reason; it’s obvious that the only movement you want to learn from Gleaming Shield is the one he does in bed.”
"Sure, and to prevent it you have put on a t-shirt of mine, right?" Piña said accusing her mother without realizing that Sunset was entering the door. "Well, know that Gleaming is only going to look for you to ask your permission to go out with me, you’re pathetic."
"Pathetic me?" Berry yelled.
They both started arguing loudly as Sunset tried to bring order. The fiery-haired girl stood between them with her arms stretched out as they slapped the air.
"Guys! Just look at you both. A mother and daughter fighting over a man. I really can't find anything to justify this show.” Said Sunset.
"I don't know. Gleaming is so fucking hot, maybe?" Piña said.
"I don’t care! In addition, Gleaming has told me that he cannot come today, so this show was for nothing.” Berry and Piña gasped, and disappointment reflected in their eyes. "Now what? I really hope never to stoop so low for a man…”
Suddenly, and unfortunately for Sunset, Gleaming appeared poking his head out the door. "Sunset, let's stretch and start class." He said.
Sunset went pale while Berry and Piña were even more confused.
"Girls! Are you feeling better? Sunset told me you couldn't come to class because you had diarrhea." Gleaming said.
"No, don’t worry, we don’t have diarrhea anymore..." Berry said, pretending to smile.
"Good, I'll be waiting for you in five minutes on Sunset’s flat." Gleaming said smiling and leaving.
"Although I feel like beating the shit out of someone right now..." Berry said as she and Piña stared at Sunset threatening her.
That same afternoon Zephyr was waiting for Tree Hugger in the pub. Fluttershy's brother looked really anxious, like a boy at his birthday party about to open his presents.
"Bourbon, my friend, as soon as Treezee arrives I will ask her to be my soul mate."
"Good luck with that." I said raising my glass in his honor.
Suddenly Sunset, Berry, Piña, and Cherilee came through the door. The latter seemed to want to hold back her laughter while the other three seemed embarrassed, or disappointed, or both.
"Girls, how was the class?" I asked for.
"Fucking great..." Sunset said obviously sarcastically.
"But what happened to you? It looks like your dog died or something.” Discord said.
Meanwhile Cherilee was with her eyes tightly closed, and pressing her teeth, she couldn't hold her laughter anymore.
"And you, can you stop laughing?" Berryshine said annoyed.
"C’mon! Are you going to tell us what happened?" I asked, wanting to know the answer already.
At Sunset's place, the girls stretched well before class. However, as soon as Gleaming Shield came out of the bathroom, they swayed to get his attention, like Piña Colada, who ducked down well hoping that the teacher would look at her ass.
"Well girls, have you warmed up well?" Gleaming asked.
"That’s the intention Gleaming." Said Sunset in a seductive tone as she squatted sensually.
Then, Berry kicked Sunset’s butt, causing her to lose her balance.
"Oops, Sunset, you’re so clumsy... But I’m not surprised, with that a great piece of ass you have it must be difficult for you to keep your balance." Said Berry.
"Yes, not like you, who only lose it after the fifth bottle of wine." Sunset replied with a false smile.
"Alright girls." Gleaming said addressing the group. "Today I’m going to teach you how to use the weight of your opponent against him. Any volunteer?” Obviously, they all raised their hands. "Piña, yourself. Let's see, I'm going to pretend that I’m walking, and you jump on me from behind, whenever you want.”
"Oh, you don't know how long I've been waiting for this." Piña said as she began to hug him by the torso, something that Gleaming did not seem to understand.
Suddenly Sunset grabbed Piña by the hips and shoved her away from the teacher. "Saved!" She yelled. "It's just that I saw you in danger and, I suppose it was a reflex act."
"Look, you know what? Today I’ll pass.” Said Cherilee. "If I want to see people fighting, I stay in the schoolyard, which are just as pathetic, but at least I can scold them." After that, Cherilee walked out the door leaving Gleaming alone with her niece, her sister, and Sunset.
“Ok, now we are going to practice how to defend against several enemies at the same time. You are all going to attack me, but be careful please, I don't want you to hurt yourselves.” The teacher said clasping his hands in supplication.
What Gleaming didn’t count on was that the three would end up on the floor fighting among themselves and trying to immobilize each other while shouting inconsistencies.
"Girls, girls! I said all against me, not against yourselves.” Said Gleaming Shield trying to bring order.
"He's mine! The idea for the classes was mine!” Sunset screamed.
"Bullshit, he's mine, you weren't even robbed." Piña yelled.
"He's mine! He's mine, I'm more desperate than you!” Berry yelled as she tried to get up.
"What’s wrong with you?!" Gleaming Shield yelled, unable to understand anything.
"You! You are what happens to us. Decide on one of the three, stop pretending and tell these two to stay with me. Come on!" Berry said desperately as if had spent a month without tasting a drop of liquor.
The doorbell rang suddenly, and Gleaming went to open the door. There he met Cherilee and another boy who was unknown to the girls.
"Uhm, this boy is looking for the teacher." Cherilee said.
"Gleamy darling." The boy said, surprising all present. “Try to end the class sooner, since my mother has brought dinner forward. And like I told you last night, I'll wait for you downtown.” He said kissing him on the lips.
The boy left and Cherilee was crying for wanting to hold back her laughter while the girls were left with a stupid face that deserved to be immortalized in a photo. Gleaming Shield looked at them and just shrugged...
The pub filled with laughter. Discord had his head on the bar and kept hitting it with his fist, I had held onto the beer taps so as not to fall on the floor and Cherilee was holding her stomach, because it hurt from laughing so hard.
"You've been fighting for a man who's gay." I said only to laugh again.
They just stared at us red with a mis of embarrassment and rage.
"What did I tell you? It’s not worth fighting for a guy.” Cherilee said in a superior tone.
"Is that why you're still single Cherilee?" Discord asked with a wink. She just looked at him with a hateful face.
"Discord, don't go overboard." I said.
"No, you're right sis. We have fought and insulted ourselves for a fella with whom we had no chance…” Said Berry weakly. "Bourbon, why don't you serve us a round of shots to get over the rough patch?"
"That’s it, let’s forget the sadness." Said Piña.
"Piña, you are only seventeen years old, try again when you're of legal age. " I said to which she huffed frustrated.
While we were chatting, Tree Hugger entered the pub and headed towards Zephyr.
"Peace, my friends." She said.
"Treezee, I've been thinking of you all day." Zephyr said.
"Zephyr, we need to talk." Curses... that was never a good start. "I have to go, I already said goodbye to Fluttershy and my brother, only you were left."
"What do you mean you have to go? But what about us?” Asked Zephyr, beginning to worry.
“Sorry Zephyr, but I’m a leaf moved by the wind. Still, I had a great time with you, good luck, Zephyr.” Tree Hugger kissed Zephyr and left, saying goodbye to everyone.
Zephyr Breeze was static, and without saying anything sat on a stool between Discord and Berry.
"You know, Zephyr? I thought that your thing with this girl was temporary nonsense, but becoming herbivore and dressing like this... I don't know, it seems that you really liked her.” Said Discord, serious for once.
"Zeph, can we do something for you?" I asked somehow worried about him.
"Actually, yes." He said looking at me. "Tell Scootaloo to make me a double cheeseburger with extra bacon." Suddenly we all stared at him.
"What happened to the poor cows and their infected eyes?" I asked laughing.
"If you have some, fry them and I'll eat them as a garnish." Zephyr said with a shrug. Sunset patted him on the back and stood behind the bar with me.
“In the end, maybe what that song said will be true. All you need is love.” Said Sunset.
Just when I already believed that the situation couldn't get any more bizarre. I saw Applejack enter the pub accompanied by a young boy with purple hair. Applejack greeted us and sat with him at a table.
"Who's that guy?" I asked with a puzzled face.
"His name is Dirk Thistleweed, a singer, we could say that he’s Applejack’s boyfriend." After hearing those words, I felt as if I had been hit on the head with a baseball bat.
"Boyfriend?" Was the only thing I managed to say.
"Yes, well, they've been dating for a while, but I thought you already knew..." Sunset said.
"Yeah, I heard something... well, I'll go see what they want to drink." I said heading towards the table where they were sitting.
"Boss, maybe I should go." Sunset said trying to stop me, I just waved her over.
When I got to the table, they seemed to be talking friendly. "Greetings, what can I get y’all?"
"Bourbon... how are you?" Applejack looked nervous. "I... I'll have a whiskey cola."
"And you, partner?" I asked this Dirk guy.
"I want one of those Lyrish beers they talk about so much, feller." He said smiling.
"Coming up... Go mbrise an diabhal do dhá chois. I whispered in Lyrish.
"Sorry, did you say something?" Applejack asked looking at me reproachfully.
"Oh, nothing, just some Lyrish babbling." I said winking at her.
When I got to the bar, I asked Sunset to prepare Applejack’s drink while I poured the beer. At that moment I prepared to spit in the glass, but Sunset stopped me.
"Boss, what do you think you're doing?" She asked angrily.
"That guy wants a Lyrish beer, so, a Lyrish beer is what I’m going to give him."
“Bourbon don't be childish. Get out, I’ll serve it.” Sunset pulled me away from the taps and brought the drinks to the table with a tray.
At that point I turned to Berry as a certain Kenny Rogers’ song started to sound on the speakers.
"Berry, are you up to for some shots?" I asked her.
"Me? Always." She replied.
I went to get a bottle of tequila and brought out glasses for me and Berry, which Zephyr, Discord, Cherilee and Sunset joined us. I also skipped the rules and gave Piña one shot.
“You know? I don’t know if all I need is love, but what my body is asking for right now is a good slug of tequila.” I said raising the glass towards these broken hearts that accompanied me now and so many other nights.
"Let it be." Berryshine said toasting with me and the others.
"Are you sure you're okay, boss?" Sunset asked.
"I have a flaw, Sunset, I’m a gambler, I’m good at cards on the table, and as they say: 'lucky in cards, unlucky in love', I never know when to keep my cards when it comes to romances. If you wanna play the game, you’ve got to learn to play it right.” I raised my glass to Sunset. "Cheers, Sunset."
And so, we drank to forget, but above all to remember that we were not alone as we all had each other.
Author's Note
Hope y'all like this episode.
Despite I hadn’t opened my eyes, my head was spinning, which was perfectly normal after I drank almost half a bottle of whiskey and several pints of beer last night. I couldn't open my eyes and my body didn't react when I tried to get up. I didn't even remember how I got home...
"BOSS!" A scream made me fall from where I was lying. After sitting on the floor, and still with blurred vision, I could see Sunset Shimmer looking at me reproachfully.
"Sunset?" It was the only thing I managed to say.
After I got up, I realized the truth, I didn’t remember how I got home because I never got home...
"You fell asleep in the pub again."
"Obviously... Auch, my head..." I said rubbing my temples. Suddenly I felt a very unpleasant sensation in my stomach. "Oh shit…"
Sunset looked at me strangely, I put my hand in my mouth while puffing out my cheeks and ran as fast as I could, staggering to the toilet. Once there I puked my guts out.
And so, it begins another exciting episode in Bourbon Maverick’s life.
When Sunset came in, she saw me hugging the loo, breathing heavily and sweating. Add my paleness and my dark circles to that, and I looked like patient zero of a zombie apocalypse.
“At what point did I eat a hot dog?" I asked after looking confused at everything that I puked.
I flushed and got up as best I could only to see Sunset leaning on the doorframe with folded arms and looking at me with sour face.
"I feel like shit..." I said.
"If you didn't drink as much as you do, these things wouldn't happen." Said Sunset still scolding me.
"C’mon Sunset, give me a break." I said.
“Oh my gosh, you smell like stable, how long has it been since you had a shower?”
"I don't know... two days maybe?" I answered without caring about it.
"Go home right now and take a shower, you stinker!" Sunset yelled once more. Every time she spoke to me it felt like my skull was being drilled.
"Okay mom..." I said sarcastically. “I'm going home to freshen up, I’ll be back soon. Could you making me an orange or tomato juice meanwhile?" Sunset just gave me a stare, but I could swear I saw fire in her eyes, so I left almost running.
When I got home, I was still dizzy from a bad night and the hangover. I didn't even bother entering my room, I undressed in the living room and went to the bathroom ready to take a shower.
When I entered, I felt a strange sensation, heat and humidity. I didn't have to be a detective to know that someone had used the bathroom before me. But perhaps due to the effects of alcohol and not having slept well, I didn’t realize that this person was still there...
"Coming back for more, big guy?" Said a voice that came from the tub.
The shower curtain opened, and Rainbow Dash appeared completely naked before me, she was stunned when she saw me in the bathroom. Did I mention that I was naked too?
We were poker-faced for a few seconds that seemed like hours, until I reacted completely flushed and grabbed a towel I found to tie it around my waist and thus cover my private parts.
"Dash! What the hell…! " I yelled getting out of the bathroom.
"Bourbon! Wait, it's not what it seems…” She said, also coming out of the bathroom covered with a bathrobe.
"Oh yeah? And what is it look like? " I said annoyed. "Because you look like Rainbow Dash coming out of MY bathroom dressing with MY bathrobe to me."
"Well, it's very comfortable..." She said, laughing nervously, holding the lapels of my bathrobe.
“Look Dash, I have a massive hangover, I can barely walk straight, and I 'm starting to get really pissed off; so if there is a moment of your life, which may end today itself, which you should shut up, is this..."
Suddenly Big Mac came out of his room as he finished putting on a shirt.
"What’s going on?" He asked surprised.
"Mac, care to explain what is this?" I said pointing at Rainbow Dash.
"Uhm… Rainbow Dash in a bathrobe?" He said holding back his laughter.
“Oh, you think you’re a wise guy, huh? Look, I don't care, go to work, we'll talk later; and you, take off my bathrobe. " I said to the rainbow haired girl.
"Are you sure you want that?" She said looking at me mischievously, dropping the lapel of the bathrobe over her shoulder.
I just snorted in exasperation and went into the bathroom imagining that I would end up pulling multicolored hairs from the shower filter and knowing that it was going to be while before I get that image out of my head.
Stupid sexy Rainbow Dash...
Back in the pub, I took the opportunity to have a coffee while Sunset kept glaring at me. However, she took the trouble to prepare the juice I asked for, it was clear that regardless of my attitude and her quarrels, she cared about me.
"Come on Sunset say something, scold me, but stop looking at me like a raging bulldog." I said as I put the cup on the bar.
"Bourbon, you've been like this since you saw Applejack with Thistleweed, you can't go on like this..." Said Sunset with an obvious tone of concern.
"Sunset, not this again, it was a matter of time before I found out." I said.
At that moment Rainbow Dash entered the pub.
"Morning Sunset, hello Bourbon." She said sitting on a stool in front of us.
"Good morning, Dash." Said Sunset greeting her friend. "Coffee?" The multi-colored haired girl nodded.
"Hey Bourbon, I really wanted to apologize for what happened this morning." She said.
"What happened?" Asked Sunset curiously.
"Oh, nothing... just when I went to shower it turns out that my bathroom was already occupied." I said making a face of annoyance.
Dash looked away blushing a little. And as if he smelled the tension in the air, Discord appeared through the door accompained by Ponos.
"Good morning everybody." He said sitting down on a stool next to Dash. "Bourbon, two coffees, please."
When the coffee was ready, Sunset poured them both a couple of cups.
"Bourbon, listen, I know you've been down these days, I think what you need to do is unplug." Said Rainbow Dash.
"Oh yeah? What do you suggest Dash? " I asked for.
“Why don't you join me at the gym this afternoon? Don't be offended, but you could be in much better shape…” Discord laughed at that comment.
"Excuse me?" I said somehow outraged.
“Look, don't get me wrong, you're fine, but you could be better; When was the last time you exercised?"
I tried to remember, and the truth is that it has been a long time since the last time. I hadn't practiced any sports since I joined the boxing club when I returned to Lyreland.
"I think the only exercise Bourbon does is the pint glass lift." Said Discord making both Sunset and Dash laugh; I stared at them not amused.
"C'mon, dad, don't be such an ass." Said Ponos.
"Boss we have to prepare for tonight, we have an open mic session, and Applebloom will also come with her friends to celebrate her birthday, remember?" Said Sunset.
"Dammit, I almost forgot that." I said slapping my face with my hand.
“Are you going to do open mic?" Asked Rainbow Dash excited.
"Yes, want to give it a try?" I asked.
"Of course, I’ll prepare something for tonight."
And just as quickly as she came, she was gone. Sometimes I was surprised at how rushed Dash always looked.
That night I was finishing the preparations and attending my patrons. I had dressed simply, in jeans and a black shirt open over a white T-shirt and rolled-up sleeves, and on my head I wore a black cowboy hat.
Suddenly, I noticed that Lyra was at a table with a little girl I didn't know and who was no more than fifteen years old.
"Hi Lyra." I said getting closer.
"Bourbon! How are you? Let me introduce you to a friend. " She said pointing to the girl. “Noi, this is Bourbon Maverick, an old friend and the owner of the pub; Bourbon, this is Noi. "
"It’s a pleasure, Mr. Maverick." Noi said very polite.
“Pleasure is mine kiddo, but don't call me sir, you make me feel old; Bourbon is enough. " I said laughing.
I noticed a detail, Noi had next to her chair a case to store an instrument. Looking at it more closely, I already knew what kind of case it was, it was a violin.
"You play the violin?" I asked for.
"Yes, actually, I just came from class." She explained.
"Do you know that I bought her that violin?" Lyra commented suddenly.
"Really, and how was that?" I asked curiously.
Lyra told me the story of how she was working and saving money to buy a scarf that she liked. Coincidentally, in every job she worked so did Noi in some way, so they rivaled.
When Lyra managed to gather all the money she needed for the scarf, she noticed that Noi was in front of the storefront of a music store next door crying with her purse in her hand and looking at a violin. Lyra couldn't bear it, so she went into the store and bought the instrument for her. Since then she and Noi became friends.
"Wow, Lyra, did you really buy her a violin with your savings?" I said surprised. "But I don't understand, how come you didn't get the money to buy it?"
“It turns out that the violin I wanted had already been sold, and the only one they had left was a more expensive one. I didn't have enough money for that new violin. " Noi said with a sad look
“I couldn't see her like that, she had worked so hard to get that money that I just walked into the store and bought it for her. Seeing her smiley face and the hug she gave me, I realized it was worth it." Said Lyra as Noi blushed.
"Amazing, Lyra, that level of generosity is worthy of Rarity." I said. "Hey Noi, since you have the violin here you could play something on stage, today we have an open mic session."
"Yes, I actually came because Lyra told me..." she said. "I'm going to play a song that she taught me."
"Oh yeah? What song?" I asked curiously.
"One from our homeland." Lyra said winking at me. "And we're going to play it together, as soon as Bon Bon brings me the keyboard."
"Great, I'm looking forward to hearing it." And having said that, I went back to the bar to attend the patrons.
A few minutes later, Applebloom walked through the door, accompanied by Sweetie Belle and more of them friends. Among them I could recognize Diamond Tiara, Filthy Rich's daughter; as far as I could remember I hadn't seen her around here before, but I never say no to new clientele...
Applebloom also had a guitar case so I assumed she was going to participate in the Open Mic.
"Hello Bourbon!" Said Applebloom smiling.
"Hey Applebloom, happy birthday gal!"
"Bourbon, can you call Scootaloo?" Asked Sweetie Belle.
I nodded and went to find my cook, who was making a couple of sandwiches.
"Scoots, your friends are here."
"Ok, but I have to finish this first." She said.
“Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Go with them. " I said.
"Really?" She asked smiling.
"Yes, besides, I was about to close kitchen already, the Open Mic is about to start."
"Thanks boss, you’re the best." She said, giving me a hug and getting out running.
"But change your clothes, you don't want to party with the apron on!" I said laughing as I imagined the scene.
When I came out of the kitchen and asked Sunset to bring the sandwiches to the customers, I noticed that Big Mac and Applejack had arrived and were accompanied by a guy unfamiliar to me; They sat at a table and shortly after Rainbow Dash joined them, which I found curious. I didn't see a trace of that Thisleweed guy...
I shook my head trying to erase those thoughts from my head and walked over to the table to say hello.
"Hey guys, how are you?" I asked the Apples.
"Howdy Bourbon." Applejack replied. "Look, let me introduce you, this is our cousin Braeburn from Appleloosa."
Now I remembered, the Apple siblings told me years ago about a cousin of theirs who lived in Appleloosa.
“Howdy partner." Said Braeburn getting up to greet me. We both shook hands. "So, you are the famous Bourbon..." He said smiling.
Braeburn was a cheerful and hearty guy, he seemed like a good fella. He had a guitar case with him, so I assumed he would be participating in the open mic.
“Yup, that's me; I think I remember seeing you in a photo at Sweet Apple Acres, but that was several years ago."
The session was going quite well. We had people like Flash Sentry playing and singing or Discord telling jokes and little battles, and right now we had a magic show for "The Great and Powerful Trixie."
When Trixie came off the stage it was Rainbow Dash's turn who sat on a stool in front of the microphone. After making sure the guitar was in tune, he began to play and sing a well-known song.
I'm not sure if the lyrics applied 100% to Dash, but I did notice that from time to time she would sneak a glance at Big Mac. I just smirked for obvious reasons...
When Dash finished the song, he returned to the table with the Apple brothers and the last person who was waiting took the stage: Sunset Shimmer.
To my surprise she also picked up an acoustic guitar and started singing a beautiful song. I was quite surprised by how well Sunset sang. I mean, I'd already seen her play with the Rainbooms, but seeing her solo was totally different.
The audience was delighted with Sunset's performance, when she returned to the bar, I couldn't help but congratulate her.
"Sunset, that was amazing." I said.
"Thanks boss, I performed that song one rainy day at the Starswhirl Festival." She said.
“Seriously, you should sing solo here more often."
At that moment I saw Lyra and Noi come up on stage, one with a keyboard and the other with her violin. I was already intrigued by what song they were going to play and as soon as Noi played the first notes I recognized it right away...
Calliope's House was one of my mother's favorite songs and I still remembered playing it with my old friends in that pub in Connemare. Suddenly, Lyra accompanied the melody on the keyboard, and the music made me think of Lyreland, my grandfather's home, my family...
Sunset caught my attention and I put those thoughts out of my head to continue working, there were patrons who wanted to drink.
After finishing the song, Lyra and Noi got off the stage to applause. Then another couple came up and I was quite surprised; They were Applebloom and her cousin Braeburn, both with guitar cases.
When Applebloom took out his instrument I could see that it was her mother's old guitar, yes, the one that I repaired myself before leaving for Applelachia; As for Braeburn, he brought out a resonator guitar which he was going to play on slide. Applebloom stood, leaving the chair to his cousin, and walked over to the microphone.
"Good evening y’all, this song is one of my favorites because of its melody and its lyrics, I hope y’all like it."
Maybe it was my imagination, but I got the impression that Applebloom was looking at me when she mentioned the lyrics. Without further ado the youngest Apple began to sing and play.
The song was slow, and the melody was engaging from the beginning, but the lyrics certainly touched my heart, especially the final part of the chorus. I unconsciously looked away at the table where Applejack was sitting with Big Mac.
Until these days I had not really realized how beautiful she was, these years had been good for her. Unlike me, it seemed that in all this time the only faithful friend I made was alcohol.
After they finished the song, we all clapped, but Braeburn stepped up to the microphone to speak.
"Please, give my cousin Applebloom a big cheer for her birthday." Said the young cowboy.
At that moment the whole pub began to sing Happy Birthday to Applebloom while the poor thing turned red with embarrassment and her face drew an indescribable expression. I couldn't judge her, in fact, does anyone know what face to make when they sing that song to you?
At the end of the session, people gradually left the pub. In the end it was just Sunset, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and me.
"Tiara, are you leaving now?" Applebloom asked Filthy Rich's daughter who was ready to go.
“Yeah, Silver Spoon and I are going to meet some friends in that new place downtown. Do you want to come, girls?" She asked.
"No thanks, I'm not really into those fancy places, I think we'll stay here a little bit and go home." Applebloom said.
"As you wish, see you, happy birthday!" And so, Diamond Tiara left.
"She looks like a nice girl." I said.
“That's because you didn't know her well in high school, she was a bitch; But you can't entirely blame her, her mother had a bad influence on her, but since her parents got divorced and she spent more time with Filthy Rich things have changed. " Sweetie Belle explained to me.
"Where does Tiara's mother live now?" I asked out of curiosity.
"In Trottingham, she's from there." Scootaloo said.
"Ah, Griffish, that explains everything..." I said remarking my disdain with a sour face.
"Do you have a problem with them?" Sunset asked curious.
“Nothing personal, it's just that the Griffish and Lyrish have a long history as rivals and enemies. But anyway, I don't want to go into details. " I said without wanting to think about certain things. "Anyway, do you want one last shot?"
"Yeah!" The girls said in unison.
"I’m gonna pass, boss, I leave because my shift’s over and I’m meeting some friends tonight." Said Sunset putting on her leather jacket.
"Ok, have a good time then." Sunset walked out the door and I stared at my bottles of alcohol. "Well, what would you like?"
"Got some of that Applelachian apple bourbon you always talking ‘bout?" Applebloom asked. I nodded as I went for the bottle.
"I want vodka." Said Sweetie Belle.
"Tequila for me." Said Scootaloo.
I poured the girls three shots and I poured myself another apple bourbon. We toast for Applebloom and her birthday.
So, we spent a while chatting about several things, until I decided it was time to close, because there was no one left.
I said goodbye to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, and I was left alone with Applebloom.
"You go home?" I asked for.
"Yes, walking from here is a bit, but it’s ok." She said.
"Do you want me to come along with you?" I asked.
"Don't worry Bourbon, you don't have to bother."
"I insist, besides I could use a little walk in the moonlight." I said laughing.
We both made our way to Applebloom's house, where she still lived with Applejack and Granny Smith. The truth is that I was surprised that old Granny was still alive, but sometimes it seemed that this sweet old woman was going to bury us all.
"You know, Bourbon?" Said Applebloom. "I'm glad you're back."
"Thanks Bloom, me too, sometimes." I said laughing.
“You may not believe it, but we all missed you. And, so does Applejack. " I stared at her as if waiting for another answer. "She was very sad when you left..."
“There was nothing I could do, Bloom… my father had just died. And the truth is that the following years weren't much better…” I said looking away.
"I know how you feel… still, I don't want you to think that my sister doesn't think about you or misses you."
"What do you mean, Bloom?" I asked surprised.
"I think you should talk to her one day, but I've already said more than necessary."
Applebloom didn’t bring up the subject again, which I appreciated, and we only dedicated ourselves to talking about trivial topics. So, time flew by until we reached Sweet Apple Acres, just outside of Canterlot.
And there as if it were an invocation was Applejack waiting outside on the porch with the kitchen lights on.
“Applebloom, did you walk here from downtown? You should have taken a bus or a cab, sugarcube." She said.
"Easy there, sis; Bourbon was escorting me." Said Bloom.
"Wait a minute, Bloom, are you drunk?"
"Oh, c’mon give me a break..." Applebloom complained. "Bourbon, thank you so much for walking me home, and thank you for getting the pub ready today, I had an awesome time." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and went inside without saying anything to her older sister.
"Bourbon, how do you let her drink that much?" Applejack asked me like she was berating me.
“Applejack, I only served her what she asked, and anyway, it's your sister, not my daughter; it’s not of my business if she’s a little bit tipsy." That might sound better in my head, but I didn't feel like being lectured.
"Why are you being so rude?" She asked.
I just stared without saying anything.
"Sorry Applejack, I should go now." I said ready to turn around.
"You can stay a while if you want, ya know?"
“No, thanks, I don't want to be a bother. Good night AJ." I said as I grabbed the lapel of my hat like cowboy who’s about to ride towards the sunset.
"You’re not a bother..." She said and went inside the house.
I just walked depressed. I remembered that I had a flask of whiskey in my jacket and took a long drink. I let the booze warm my throat as I felt some of the liquid slide down my lips and beard.
Thus, as I finished the little that was left of whiskey, I did not realize that my steps took me back to downtown. Maybe it was a coincidence or maybe I felt attracted to the neon lights, but I ended up in front of a jazz club.
I hadn’t set foot in one of those places since my trip to Manehattan, but after putting the empty flask in my pocket again, I entered the place.
The atmosphere was what I expected from such a place: dim lighting, a bar with an elegant bartender, many different bottles of alcohol, beer taps and several tables with some people drinking and enjoying live music.
Speaking of music, a girl with puffy orange hair was singing on stage.
She sang a melancholic song whose lyrics didn’t go unnoticed by me.
I sat down at the bar and caught the bartender's attention.
"Good evening sir, what can I get you?"
"I’ll have a Godfather nº7, please, whiskey, amaretto, cola." I indicated the amount of each ingredient with my fingertips and the bartender went to get the bottles.
"A curious combination, cowboy." Said a voice next to me. "I've never seen you around here."
Turning my head, I noticed a girl with her long hair tied up in a huge ponytail looking at me with a tender smile.
"Do you keep track on all the patrons?" I asked for.
"No, I was just saying." The girl did not remove the smile from her face at any time. "Are you looking for something special?" I started to wonder if this girl was flirting with me.
"No, I actually came here for the beer and the cigarettes." I commented remembering the phrase of the song that the girl on stage sang before. That made my companion laugh.
"Your drink sir." Said the waiter to which I nodded my thanks.
"Would you buy me a drink?" She asked looking at me seductively.
“Do you always try to get a drink from the new ones in this bar?” I asked sarcastically.
"Only those who seem interesting to me."
I laughed out loud at that comment. "I'm between a rock and a hard place it seems."
I made a sign to the waiter and told him to give the girl whatever she wanted.
"My name is Bourbon Maverick, by the way."
"Cool name." The waiter arrived with his drink, a classic Manehattan. "Thanks, Chuck."
"It's always a pleasure."
The girl and I talked for a while to the sound of the music. It turned out that she was the singer's sister and she use to act too. There was, of course, her third sister who hadn’t been able to go that night because she was ill.
"So, you own a pub." She said.
"Yup, but from time to time it feels good not to be the one serving the drinks." I said laughing.
"Well, if you need someone to sing on your stage, call us, we are more than willing." She said.
"I'll keep it in mind."
Suddenly I noticed that the singer approached her, I did not realize when she stopped singing.
"Hey dumb head, it's time to go." She said in a bitter tone.
“Ok Dagi. Well Mr. Bourbon, it’s been a pleasure and I hope we see you another day. By the way, this drink is on me." That last one he told me with a wink.
“Wow, thanks, that was very sweet; but now that I think about it, you haven't told me your name. "
"Sonata Dusk." She said smiling. And without further ado she and her sister left.
"Trying to bang Sonata?" Chuck the waiter asked.
"Not exactly, I mean, she's very cute and beautiful, but she's not exactly my type."
"Well, just be careful, she and her sisters, Adagio and Aria, are experts at chasing guys; they are true sirens if you ask me. But she seems to like you. "
"Well, I guess that's good." I said finishing my glass. "By the way, Chuck, do you know any place that plays good rock music at this hour?"
“Yes, there is a bar just across the block. It's called The Burrow."
"Thank you, friend, see you soon." And so, I left the place.
I walked towards the direction Chuck told me and found the bar. I saw a sign with white letters illuminated by a purple light: The Burrow. Without further ado I entered the bar and was greeted by a song by Sabaton that seemed to welcome me.
The place was pretty cool, Viking-themed, with shields, axes, runes, and helmets; it also had things from Game of Thrones and The Lord of the Rings. Looking around to my surprise I saw near the bar two quite familiar faces that looked at me with the same poker face.
"Boss? What are you doing here?" Asked Sunset.
"Hi Sunset, hi Dash; I was bored and someone recommended me this place. " I said.
Suddenly I realized that both of them were accompanied by another girl I didn’t know. She had lime green hair and was highly motivated dancing to Sabaton.
Sunset caught her eye. "Lemon Zest, let me introduce you to Bourbon Maverick, my boss at the pub."
"What’s up, dude!” She said giving me a light tap on the shoulder.
“My pleasure, how do you know each other?"
“It was years ago, during the Friendship Games; Lemon Zest was in Crystal Prep and although our rivalry was legendary, in the end we managed to push aside our differences." Said Rainbow Dash.
I was surprised that a girl like her came out of Crystal Prep. Usually the image that I had of them was of prissy hoity toity rich kids, but Lemon Zest was the complete opposite with threadbare pants, leather boots, some chains and a black AC DC T-shirt.
Suddenly, from behind the bar, I was approached by a huge guy with a beard and hair tied in a ponytail, both gray in color. He wore a black t-shirt with a spectral Viking and wore a big Mjolnir pendant.
"Hi there, can I get you something?" He asked kindly.
"Hi, I’ll have a pint of O'Hare's?" I asked when I realized he was selling one of my favorite stouts.
"Hey, Cub!" Sunset yelled at the waiter. "Meet Bourbon Maverick, a good friend and my boss at the pub."
"Ah, so you are the famous Bourbon, the one from the pub that Sunset talks so much about." He said to which I nodded. "Well Sunset's friends are my friends, let me buy you a shot."
"Wow, thanks, you're very kind." I said.
Immediately the guy brought a bottle with a dark liquid inside.
“This coffee liqueur is made by my old man and he brings it to me from Lyreland. You haven't tasted anything better in your life, trust me.” He said pouring some of the creamy brown liquid into a glass.
"Are you kidding, are you from Lyreland?" I asked surprised.
"My family is from Belfaust." He Answered.
"I see, mine is from Connemare." I said taking the glass.
“Sláinte Mhait. ” He said raising his glass.
“Sláinte Mhait. ” I responded toasting with him.
He wasn't kidding that coffee liqueur was the best I've had in years. The truth is that, despite his intimidating appearance, this guy that Sunset called Cub, was very kind and gentle. In a way he was like a metalhead Santa Claus.
“By the way, may I ask you something? Why do they call you the Cub? " I asked curiously.
"Oh, that's because years ago when I went out partying I was the youngest of all my friends, in the end they called me 'the cub of the band' and when I opened the bar they already knew me that way." The Cub took my glass, already full, and poured me the beer. "Here you go, son."
"Thanks boss."
A curious story, certainly. After taking the first sip of my pint, I turned to talk to Sunset, Dash, and Lemon Zest. But after scrutinizing a little the rest of the place, it turned out they were not the only people I knew in this club.
On the DJ deck, I could see a certain girl who stood out for her electric blue hair and purple sunglasses.
"You must be joking… Vinyl?" I asked approaching her platform.
"Bourbon! What's up, man!" She said as we clicked knuckles.
“What are you doing here playing heavy metal? I thought yours were Techno and Dubstep."
“And it is, but you have to diversify, and the Cub pays well. Hey, do you want a song in particular? " Vinyl asked.
I was thinking for a moment and the truth is that there were a couple of songs by Metallica that I wanted to listen to, two of my favorites. I told Vinyl and she said she would add them to the list, I had to wait just a little.
I went back to the girls to drink and chat.
"Hey Dash, how come you're not with Big Mac tonight?" I asked for.
"Because he said he wanted to hang out with his cousin, understandable, he hasn't seen him for a long time."
"And, exactly, what’s between you two anyways?" That question completely unsettled Dash.
"What do you mean?" She asked with a certain blush which she couldn't hide from me. "Big Mac and I are just fuck buddies."
"Well, maybe he wanted to hang out with Baeburn with the intention of hooking up tonight." Said Sunset suddenly.
"What?" And there I could see the concern in her expression. Rainbow Dash wasn't very good at pretending or hiding her emotions. In that sense she reminded me quite of Applejack. "Well, there’s nothing wrong, maybe I'll hook up too." She said pretending she didn’t care.
"But do you want to?" I asked, smirking.
"Maybe, are you in, Bourbon?" She said suddenly.
"beg you pardon?" I asked surprised.
“I say, if you want, maybe you and I..." Dash looked at me with a seductive face. It was obvious that she was trying to bait me.
"Dash, I think I haven't drunk enough to have this conversation, come back after my third beer and I'll think about it." I said smirking.
"Meh, your loss, bro..." she said.
The truth is that, even if she was serious, I wasn't going to do that to Big Mac. I already made the mistake once of sleeping with a girl he liked and preferred not to do it again.
After I finished my pint, I asked for a jug of mead and was starting to talk funny. Normally with two pints I wouldn’t have even started, the problem is that it wasn’t the only thing I drunk that night.
My calculation was: four pints at the pub, plus the shots with the girls, what was left of the flask of whiskey in my pocket, the drink at the jazz club with Sonata, and the pint and mead from here plus the Cub's shot. What I didn’t understand was how I could remain standing.
"Bourbon, I think you're drunk, why don't you go home?" Sunset asked.
"I'm not drunk, Sunset." I lied. "I'm just happy..."
"Seriously, do you like to honor your name or is it that your parents were fortune-tellers?" Sunset asked sarcastically.
"What's up with my name? At least I don't have a sarsaparilla name." I said indignantly.
"Excuse me?" Sunset asked puzzled.
“Some time ago in the Midwest I saw some bottles of sarsaparilla with your name on it. So, stop messing with mine, bourbon is an awesome drink."
Suddenly the first notes of the song I requested began to sound and motivated by the music, and also by the alcohol, I went to the dance floor leaving Sunset and Dash with a poker face.
"Sunset Sarsaparilla... doesn't sound that bad." Dash said as Sunset looked at her as if to say 'really?'
I kept dancing when inadvertently bumped into someone.
"Apologies." Said a female voice.
She was a girl, no, a young woman. Maybe it was my drunkenness, but she was really hot. She was wearing a dark top and dark blue jeans.
"No, I'm sorry, I just love this song, it's one of my favorites." I said.
“Mine too, the truth is that I feel identified with the lyrics." She said.
"Well, now it comes the best part."
At that point the chorus came and we both got on and sing in unison.
"Exit light, end of night, take my hand, after never neverland!"
We continue to enjoy the song and when it finished Vinyl immediately put the next one I asked for.
There I already lost every bit of shame I could have and started dancing as if there were no tomorrow.
The girl laughed and said, "You must really like Metallica."
"Yes, but this song is beyond my strength, it's from my land." And so, came the chorus. "Musha rain dum a doo, dum a da, w hack for me daddy, oh, whack for me daddy, oh , there's whiskey in the jar, oh. ”
The song ended, she approached me to talk after dancing with me. "You’re cool man, you really know how to live music."
"Thanks a lot." I said smiling. "Would you like a beer?"
"Hard to say no to that."
I went to the bar to ask the Cub for another couple of beers and Rainbow Dash and Sunset Shimmer gave me strange looks.
"Boss, what are you doing?" Sunset asked in surprise as Dash was laughing for some reason.
"Ordering a beer, what else?" I said surprised by the question.
"But Bourbon, do you know who you were dancing with?" Sunset asked.
"I think she told me her name, but I didn't hear it well."
"Bourbon she is..." But Sunset was interrupted by Dash.
"Shhh, Sunset, let him, let's see if he can figure it out on his own..." Said the multicolored haired girl.
I didn't pay attention to what she said and went back to my new “friend”.
I couldn't say the exact moment, but after exchanging a few words, we were kissing. Well, it would be more appropriate to say that we were devouring ourselves. I couldn't remember a woman with such passion for… well, a long time.
The worst of all is that after thinking about it for a while, that woman seemed familiar to me. I'd swear I'd seen her before, but maybe because of the clothing or the location, my brain didn't relate concepts.
"Your place or mine?" She asked when we separated for breath.
"You live near?" I asked for.
"Yes."
"Well, yours better."
She wasn’t lying, her home was not far away from The Burrow. In the elevator we didn’t stop kissing, I leaned her against the wall of the cabin and she wrapped a leg around my waist while her tongue invaded the inside of my mouth.
The bell indicated the arrival to our floor and while she tried to get the keys to her apartment, I kissed her neck. She giggled and moaned as she stroked my hair with her left hand and inserted the keys with her right hand.
"Mmmmm, lavender." I said breathing in the scent of her hair.
When the door was opened, she turned around and continued kissing me while she stripped me of my shirt, throwing it to the ground with no shame. We took off our shoes and put them on a small cabinet next to the front door.
We walked to what I deduced was her room, until she separated for a second and spoke to me in a whisper. "Better try not to make noise, I don't want to wake my sister."
"Oh, so you live with your sister." I said, highlighting the obvious.
After closing the door to her room, I took off her top and with help of the dim light coming through the window I removed her bra.
Her breasts, while not very large, fit in the palm of my hand. I managed to get several moans out of her as I stroked them down from her neck to her right breast kissing every inch of her silky skin. With my tongue I started to play with her nipple, and she reached up to my crotch with her right hand.
I was so hard it looked like I was going to burst my pants. She broke away for a moment and took off her pants and panties and pushed me against the wall. She looked anxious and hungry. She began to travel my naked torso with her lips and her tongue, and I sighed in complete ecstasy.
She got on her knees and unbuttoned my pants. My cock jumped and she kissed the tip only to start playing with my phallus with her tongue. She ran her tongue along its length and shoved it into her mouth, so she began to bobbing up and down continuously.
I was lost in my bliss; it had been a long time since I received such a great blowjob. I had to stifle a groan when she deepthroated me, I grabbed her head and held her there for a few seconds. She broke loose coughing a little and giggled.
"It seems someone is a little anxious." She said.
"Guilty as fuck." It was the only thing I managed to say.
She lay down on the bed and turned on the light on her table lamp. She spread her legs and left me gazing at her beauty. At the time, I was still ecstatic from the oral sex session and the drunkenness that didn't go away, but I think I remember I sighed.
"Do you see anything you like?" She asked smiling mischievously. "Come on, show me what you've got."
I finished getting rid of my pants and got on top of her, kissing her and running my lips over her. For every kiss, caress and lick she moaned; when I reached her lower lips, I opened them like the petals of a flower and began to kiss them and play with my tongue.
She sighed and moaned, louder and louder. At one point she began to stroke my hair and I could feel how with her free hand she was clinging to the sheets. At the point of no return, she arched her back and let out a loud cry as she pushed my neck against her sex.
Good thing we shouldn’t wake up her sister!
“Oh fuck… that feels so good. Come on tiger, finish what you started. " She said as I got up.
"Wait, I don't have any condoms." I said suddenly realizing that detail.
"Look on my nightstand." I rummaged in the drawer as she indicated and there was indeed a box there.
I put the condom on and pounced on her. I put my cock inside her and began to move gently. Increasing the pace little by little, we moaned and breathed hard. She gripped my hips, wrapping her legs around me and grabbing the back of my neck with her hands as she urged me to go faster.
"Turn around." I said.
She smiled and got on all fours, wiggled her bottom and turned her head slightly.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" She asked.
"Nothing, I just contemplated the views, you like mooning, right?" I said laughing.
"You have no idea." She laughed.
I slapped him affectionately on the right buttock and continued with my onslaught. This is my favorite position, as I suppose almost any man's.
As I thrust over and over again she moaned and clung to the sheets, deforming them with her hands. At one point she was chewing on the pillow to keep from screaming too much, and then I had an idea.
I grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head to arch. So with one hand I pulled her by the hair and with the other I caressed one of her breasts.
"Ahhhhhh, yes!" She screamed shamelessly as she climaxed.
It was hard for me because I was drunk, but after a couple of shoves and a gasp, I was done.
Exhausted, I took off the condom and lay down panting. She snuggled her head into my chest, I put an arm around her back and I could breathe in the lavender scent of her hair.
"I usually always say yes to some pampering after sex, but I'm exhausted." I said with my eyes closed.
"Don't worry, I'll be your Sandman, or Sandwoman." She said as she kissed me on the cheek and I giggled. "Now rest, happy dreams."
"You too." I said.
And so exhaustion and alcohol took their toll and I fell asleep.
The next morning, or at least I think it was the next morning, I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a trolley. My head was spinning, and my muscles were totally screwed up.
When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was neither in my house nor in the pub. Then flashes from the night before began to arrive. And thanks to the little light that came through the window I could see the girl from last night next to me from behind.
I smiled thinking that at least something good happened to me.
Without wanting to wake her I began to search for my clothes on the floor of the room, until I remembered that my black shirt, the one I was wearing on top of the white shirt, was thrown somewhere in the living room last night.
In any case, I grabbed my shoes and slipped out, closing the bedroom door behind me.
"Good Morning." Said a voice.
"Good Morning." I answered automatically, but when my brain reacted, I turned my head to see a woman looking at me mischievously.
"So, you are the cause for my sister screaming so much last night." She said laughing. "Well at least you two had a good time."
That woman was obviously the older sister of the girl I slept with. She was sitting on the couch, cross-legged and drinking from a mug.
"Do you want coffee?" She kindly offered me.
When I saw her well, I noticed her distinctive features. She was a woman in her thirties, almost forties, tall and with a good figure. But what stood out the most was her long hair with colors like Aurora Borealis. It was at that moment that a spark ignited in my brain and I began to associate that image and that sweet and at the same time solemn voice with someone in particular.
"Principal Celestia?" I asked without leaving my amazement. "Are you the principal of the Canterlot High School?"
"We know each other?" She asked surprised. There was no doubt, it was her.
"Wait, if you are Celestia and she was your sister, that means..." No, it couldn't be... right?
Suddenly the door to the room opened and the girl from last night came out, wearing only a long shirt that fit like a short dress, totally disheveled and yawning.
Now that I was sober, hungover, but sober, I got a good look at her. Turquoise eyes and dark blue hair reminiscent of a starry night. I was pale to confirm the terrible truth...
I HAD SLEPT WITH VICE PRINCIPAL LUNA!!!
"Good morning, you woke up early." Luna said rubbing her eye. I was dumbfounded.
"Luna, how do you know this guy?" Celestia asked.
"I met him last night at the Cub’s bar." She answered.
“Curious, because he has recognized me as the principal of the CHS. Only those who have been students call me that."
Luna turned to see me and looked at me strangely.
"Did you go to CHS?" She asked surprised.
"Um... yes, you could say that." I replied.
"Now that you mention it, you look familiar." She said rubbing her chin.
"Well, maybe it's because you expelled me from high school." She arched her brow. "About ten years ago you expelled a boy because he was... a little drunk in class."
Luna narrowed her eyes as she looked at me, as if trying to analyze me like a scanner. Then she snapped them open. She already recognized me.
"It can't be... are you Bourbon Maverick?" She asked turning as pale as I was before.
I pressed my lips together, closed my eyes, and nodded.
"Oh no, nonononono..." She said as she sat down on the couch and covered her face with her hands. "What have I done?"
"Biologically speaking it is called copulating, between couples 'making love', and colloquially getting laid." Celestia said nonchalantly.
"Tia, I'm not in the mood..." Luna said angrily. Now I remember why we called her Principal Trollestia.
"What's the problem, Luna?" Asked the older sister. "Sure, he's an alumnus, but that was a long time ago, you are both responsible adults, I think."
"It's not about age, Celestia, do I remind you that I kicked him out, not just because he was drunk but because he said a good fuck would make my bitter face go away?" She said that last thing, giving me a reproachful look.
"Wow, so you remember..." I said scratching the back of my neck.
"Well, maybe he wanted to remedy that, judging from last night." Celestia kept laughing at her sister's expense.
"TIA!" She yelled.
At that point I wanted the earth to swallow me, or something, anything to get rid of that uncomfortable situation. But seeing that I would finally have to face a blur from my past, I swallowed all the pride and shame I had and decided to speak up.
"Can I say something?" They both looked at me attentively. "Vice Principal Luna, I..."
"Are you really going to call me vice principal now after what happened last night?" She said interrupting me.
“Oh for feck's sake… ok, Luna; look, what happened years ago… yes, at that time I was an asshole brat who didn't give a damn about anything or anyone, but after all this time I've changed, or at least I think so." I said.
"Judging from what you drank last night, I don't think you've changed much." She said looking at me reproachfully. I decided to ignore the comment.
“What I mean is that, even if it's a little late for it, I'm sorry. I disrespected you and acted like an idiot, and for that I apologize."
Luna stared at me in surprise, as if that kind of response was not expected. Instead, Celestia smirked, as if she knew that a mistake from the past had been made up for.
Suddenly my cell phone vibrated, and I took it out of my pocket and saw that I had five missed calls from Sunset Shimmer.
"Shit, I have to go to the pub." I said hastily.
"So early in the morning and you're going to drink?" Asked Celestia.
"No! I’m the owner of a pub downtown and my waitress should be wondering wonder where I am." Then I took my wallet from my pants and from it, two business cards from the pub. “Here you go, if one day you two pass by, I invite you to the first round, even if it's for the old days. Well, I'm leaving."
I headed for the door, but suddenly Luna caught my eye.
"Bourbon, aren't you forgetting something?"
I looked at her strangely and she pointed to a spot on the floor. There was my shirt.
"Oh yeah, what a fool..." I said blushing. "Well, I'm glad to see you both, even if it doesn't look like it."
And after closing the door I rubbed my face with my hand thinking that the gods must be playing tricks on me.
The walk to the pub seemed endless, all the time thinking about what happened last night. When I arrived, Sunset was pouring the occasional coffee and the only familiar faces I saw were Flash Sentry, Zephyr Breeze, and Rainbow Dash.
"Wow, the same clothes from last night... you spent the night out, right?" Said Dash smiling mischievously.
"I'm going to kill you both..." I said with an angry face pointing at Dash and Sunset, to which they both started laughing.
"Boss, I tried to tell you, but Dash wouldn't let me." Said Sunset.
"Bourbon, I'm sorry, but I thought you'd either realize it, or that hearing her name would recognize her." Rainbow Dash said.
"Dash, with all that I drank last night I wouldn’t have recognized the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, even if they introduced themselves one by one."
“Bourbon, you've hooked up with Luna, one of the CHS student fantasies. You're the best!" Said Flash.
"Fantasy?" I asked surprised.
"Dude, you bet it." Said Zephyr. "I always imagined what it would be like to have a threesome with her and Principal Celestia in one of the classrooms..."
"Yes Zephyr, but that’s because you’re sick." I stressed. "I don’t know, in high school I saw her as the typical narrow and bitter, the kind that you spend a month inviting her to beers until you touch her breasts and on top of that you get a slap. But what happened yesterday..."
"How was it?" Dash asked intrigued.
"Awkward…"
"Really? We told you that you had a lot of drinking…” I knew right away what Dash was referring to.
“It's not that, you fool! I wasn't THAT drunk. Actually, sex was good, I mean, REALLY good. But this morning, when I was trying to sneak away, I found Principal Celestia having coffee, and… well let's say I had an awkward conversation."
As I explained how my conversation with both sisters was, I began to serve the customers. The only one who knew everything that happened in the past was Sunset, because she saw it while searching my memories, but the rest had only heard rumors and so on.
According to Sunset, I did the right thing by apologize, but Luna didn't accept my apology in the strict sense of the word, so I didn't know what to think.
And suddenly, as if my morning wasn't bizarre enough, the last person I expected to see appeared at the door.
"Hello, Bourbon." It was Celestia.
“P-Principal Celestia? What are you doing here?" I asked nervously.
"You gave me your business card, remember?" She said smiling. "And don't call me 'principal', we're not in high school."
"Yes, sorry Celestia, I still associate it with that time. What do you want to drink?" I asked for.
"I want a cappuccino, please." Said Celestia as she sat down on a bar stool.
"Right away, Sunset, put the Italian coffee maker on!" I yelled at Sunset who was cleaning one of the back tables.
"Do we have that, boss?" I ask.
"Yes, it's that machine next to the rum bottles."
"But I don't know how to handle that thing."
"Begorrah, I'll do it..."
The truth is that I have used that machine three times since I opened the pub. People usually order beers, coffees black or latte, tea and other things like that... cappuccino was too classy for my place.
Still, I prepared my ex-principal's coffee while she and Sunset caught up.
“Here you go, Celestia. Sunset, please go make some toast for table 4, Scootaloo's not there.”
"Right away, boss." She said heading to the kitchen.
"I didn't know Sunset Shimmer worked for you." Said Celestia.
"Yeah, well, if someone told me ten years ago that I would have my own pub and that the high school bully would be my friend and employee, I would have asked for her dealer's number." We both laugh. "Hey Celestia, about this morning..."
“You don't have to explain anything to me, those things happen; and between you and me, Luna really needed a bit of action."
I blushed and went to the cash register for a cigarette.
"Do you smoke?" Celestia asked.
"Occasionally. Usually when I'm stressed. "
“Look, Luna is taking me into her home due to personal problems of mine. And lately things have been a bit tense. Don't take Luna the wrong way, she doesn't hold a grudge against you, but it was quite a shock this morning. You give her time.”
"Thank you Celestia."
"Well, well, long time no see." Said a voice known to all. Celestia's eyes widened and she turned at the sight of our favorite chaotic philosopher.
"Discord? Is that you?" She asked.
"In the flesh. Celestia, what a wonderful surprise, how are you doing?" Discord sat on a stool next to Celestia.
“Fine, thanks, I continue to serve as principal at Canterlot High School. And are you still teaching in college? "
"What else can I do? Philosophers who specialize in Chaos are not in very big demand these days."
"You know each other?" I asked without leaving my amazement.
“Of course, I gave her a class when she was studying her last year of teaching at the university. She always went with her sister Luna, and that girl from the first year, and that other boy who I don't remember his name… by the way, he and you…” Discord couldn't continue as Celestia interrupted him.
"Yes, everything went well." It seemed like a bit of a hasty response to me, not to mention that in doing so he held onto the stool. Clearly Celestia was uncomfortable talking about someone in particular.
"Bourbon, I'm going to the bathroom, can I get a beer, please?"
While pouring Discord's beer, I decided to inquire about Celestia's strange behavior.
"Something wrong?"
"No, everything’s fine, Bourbon." She answered, as I imagined.
"I have the feeling something is indeed wrong, so Celestia, you can tell me with confidence." I said.
"It's not about Bourbon confidence, it's just that I prefer to deal with my problems alone."
"Sometimes we all need help, even if it doesn't seem like it, and I saw you nervous to bring up a certain person in a conversation, and I suspect it has to do with why you are living with your sister."
I lit the cigarette and took short puffs while Celestia seemed to analyze me with her eyes.
"Do you really think you could help me with something?"
"It may not look like it because of the pub and stuff, but actually I'm a psychologist, I have a gift for analyzing other people's problems, and I usually come up with good solutions, although I wish I could do the same with my own."
Celestia looked at her mug, sipped her coffee, and looked at me with a tender smile. "Thank you, Bourbon; I will consider your offer." Celestia went to get her wallet from her purse. "How much does coffee cost?"
"Nothing, remember that I told you that the first time I invited, and the offer is also for your sister, if one day she deigns to come." I said that last while laughing, although deep down I expected Luna to appear around here.
After Celestia left, the morning was quite normal. When I got home I decided I wasn't hungry and went to my room to nap, I had a couple of hours until the pub reopened.
I didn't get much sleep, but I did get enough rest, so I didn't feel dizzy. As I left my room towards to the kitchen, I realized that I was not alone.
"Ahh!" I screamed when I saw someone taking something out of the fridge.
"Ah! Bourbon, you scared me! " Rainbow Dash yelled.
"What…? Dash, seriously, where are you living exactly? " I asked without understanding what she was doing in my apartment.
Suddenly someone opened the door with some keys and rushed in.
"What's going on?" It was Sunset Shimmer. I had forgotten that I gave her a copy of the keys in case there was a problem.
"Nothing, Sunset, I just found out why I was missing cheese in the fridge." I said looking at Dash sideways.
"Sorry, I'll pay you, seriously." She said, I just waved my hand nonchalantly.
"Anyway, I don't know if I was right to take a nap." I said as I collapsed on the couch.
"Why do you say that boss?" Sunset asked.
"Nothing, lately I have been thinking about it, and I'm tired ... if it were up to me, I would order a pizza for dinner and put Cold Mountain until I fell asleep."
"Cold Mountain? Really, Bourbon? A movie like that suits Rarity, but you…” Said Dash laughing.
"Hey, the movie is good, and the recreation of the Battle of the Crater is pretty impressive, plus, it makes me think of Applelachia..."
"And could it be that you feel a little homesickness?" Said Sunset sitting next to me on the couch.
“Maybe… but what’s the point? Nothing has been lost to me there. "
“Don't you have your family there? At least part of her. " Said Dash sitting down to my left.
“Most of them put me aside after my father died. But… there are things there that I miss: the mountain breeze and its music, the sound of a dulcimer and the violin… yesterday Applebloom made me remember all that. " I said rubbing my forehead.
"And your father?" Asked Sunset Shimmer.
"I'd rather not talk about it, Sunset."
The truth is that I did not feel comfortable talking about the old man, especially since my relationship with him was not good in the years before he died. But, although it was hard for me to recognize him, sometimes I missed him ...
"I miss Equestria too, you know?" Said Sunset. “But every now and then I go there to see my friends. It is not convenient to be away from your land so long. "
I was wondering once more what "home" meant to me. True, I had very bad memories in Applelachia, but it didn't mean I hated it. I had to admit it and face it, I wanted to go back, but not only that ... there were certain issues there that I had to fix before it was too late.
"You're right Sunset." I said getting up and going to my room.
"What are you going to do?" She asked.
"I'm going to get my backpack, I'm leaving tomorrow."
The next day I had Sunset and Dash saying goodbye to me at the train station.
"Boss, are you sure about this?" Asked Sunset, to which I nodded. "But, the pub ..."
"Sunset, I'll only be away a week, you can handle this to spare." I said encouraging her.
"I don't know…"
"Look, Monday is a quiet day, the same as Tuesday, on Wednesday you close and take a break as usual, for Thursday and Friday, when there's more activity, I asked Scootaloo to give you a hand, and the Saturday night I'll be right back. " Suddenly I heard the call for my train. "I'm leaving girls, thanks for joining me. See you on Saturday!"
"Good luck Applelachia, Bourbon." Rainbow Dash said.
Back in my seat on the train, I put on music, it couldn't be any other song than a certain John Denver classic .
I would go home for a while to fix things and I would go back. Sunset could handle the pub perfectly. What's the worst that could happen?
I had no idea what I was going to regret saying that…
11 - The Good, The Bad and The Prench
I found myself pacing back and forth in a room with Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Sunset Shimmer, Big Mac, Filthy Rich, and Zephyr Breeze. Where were we?
In the comisary.
Back from Applelachia, when I got to the pub, I found a completely surreal situation and soon the commissioner arrived with two officers and arrested us all.
Dash was talking to the commissioner who watched us from his desk while a stenographer wrote down everything we said. Well, actually I don't know what the hell was pointing, because Dash was just babbling, too nervous to say something coherent...
"Rainbow, wait, calm down and let me do the talking." Said Zephyr pretending to be brave, but suddenly he knelt in front of the commissioner's desk. "Please Commissioner, I have nothing to do with that dead man, don't put me in jail; I'll have to do a lot of weights there, and if I exercise I'll sweat and I'll have to shower, and when I'm naked I'm like a sweet caramel..."
I rubbed my temple trying to erase that image of Zephyr in the jail showers from my head, but it was useless.
"And more than you deserve, because of you I almost lost my business." Said Filthy Rich. "Mr. Chief, why is always good people who had to pay for others' mistakes? This looks like a witch hunt... "
"Good people, you?!" Big Mac yelled surprising us all. "Because of you I lost my shop, you scoundrel."
So they all got involved in an argument in which they almost came to blows, and the policemen watching in disbelief.
“Dammit, Sunset, I leave for a week and I find a dead body in my pub, a shootout, and on top of that they arrest me; If this is your idea for a surprise party, I'd rather you check with Pinkie or Cheese next time. " I said angry.
"Boss, I swear I had nothing to do with that." Said Sunset defending herself.
"Silence everyone!" Yelled the commissioner. The man, now in his 60s, addressed Rarity, who was sitting in one of the chairs without a word and with a worried expression. "Miss, you seem more reasonable, can you please tell me what you were doing with the corpse of a diplomat?"
"Uh? I don't know that Prench consul at all." Said Rarity rising from the chair like a spring. It was clear that she was nervous and couldn't hide anything.
"How do you know he was a Prench consul?" The commissioner asked questioningly.
Rarity was speechless. "Well... I suppose he was Prench because of his suit, I'm a fashionista, I know about those things, and I suppose he was a consul because he was always consul... ting?"
The commissioner stood up, visibly annoyed.
“Look, y'all think you're very funny, but no one is going to move from here until you tell me why there was a shooting in the pub, why you organized an illegal gambling game and, above all, what were you doing with the Prench consul's corpse."
"Well... we did what we always do." Rainbow Dash said laughing nervously.
“Look, stop this nonsense, I'll retire tomorrow and I have to go fishing in Vanhoover. So you can start telling me everything very clearly and from the beginning. " Said the commissioner sitting back down.
"From the beginning?" Dash asked sitting in front of the commissioner. "Well you see, I was the star athlete of the CHS, I had everything to succeed, I was awesome, well, I'm awesome..." the commissioner looked at Dash wondering if she was wavering him, the rest of us had a similar expression. "Oh, you're talking about the dead man and so, well I would go to the bathroom if I were you before because we have story for a while."
"I'm also interested in hearing it..." I said wanting to know what the hell had happened.
"Come on, everyone calm down." Filthy Rich said suddenly . “Mr. Commissioner, we are going to solve this between you and I, who are on to another level. You see, they travel by bus, we travel by car; they eat hamburgers, we eat ribeyes; they pay in cash, and we pay in checks like this. " Filthy Rich took checkbook and a pen from his chaquet. "Who do I make it out to?"
Maybe it was just my imagination, but I could swear the commissioner had steam coming from his ears.
"You're not trying to bribe me, are you?" He asked almost whispering and clenching his teeth.
"Well, that depends on whether you consider it a good idea or a bad idea." Said Filthy Rich looking scared at the commissioner. "And judging how your forehead vein is throbbing, I'd say it's a bad idea, so I'll leave you wondering."
The millionaire retired and put away his checkbook so as not to unleash the wrath of the policeman, a smart move if you ask me. The truth is, I didn't believe that Rich had the guts to do that.
"Let's see, can any of you tell me with a minimum of coherence what happened?" Asked the commissioner.
Rainbow Dash raised her hand and the commissioner gave her the floor. “You see, it all started this morning. I was in the casino playing craps with my husband when I was approached by the Prench consul, an older man with blue eyes well dressed and good looks, and he said 'mademoiselle, I'll give you a million dollars if you sleep with me'." Said Dash with a bad Prench accent. We all looked at Dash with a puzzled expression, the worst thing is that I could swear that I had seen that in a movie.
"But, that's An Indecent Proposal." Said the commissioner. Of course, I saw that before!
"That's exactly what I said." Dash replied.
"Rainbow Dash, darling, this is very serious." Rarity said suddenly. "We cannot continue lying, we have to go with the truth ahead."
I saw Rarity determined, apparently we were finally going to know the story. Or so we all believed...
“You'll see, I'm a fashonista, and I was introduced to the consul at a party. He told me that he would be interested in seeing some of my designs and that he had contacts in some of the most important magazines in Prance, so I met him to… show him my workshop. "
Well, I'm not a detective, but something told me that Rarity wasn't exactly telling the truth...
Rarity was dressed, or scantily dressed, in black lingerie. On the sofa in her place sat the Prench consul, admiring the woman in front of him.
"Oh la la, Cherrie, you know, do your best and you will have the doors of Prance open to you."
"I can't believe I'm going to do this…" Rarity thought as she crouched in front of the consul.
So Rarity took his already erect member out of his pants and began to lick and suck as much as she could.
The consul was ecstatic.
"Mon Dieu." He said.
Suddenly he began to gasp, but not like someone on the verge of orgasm would gasp. He put his hand on his chest and after a couple of convulsions he was struck down.
All of this before Rarity's gaze, who couldn't believe what had happened.
"From the face he made I think he was impressed with my work." Rarity said visibly nervous.
"Wait a minute." I said. “If he died with you, why the hell did you take him to my pub? Ask her, commissioner...
"Hey, I haven't spent my entire life studying the most complex criminal minds so that you come and tell me how to do my job." The policeman answered me. "Miss, why did you take the body to the pub?" Outstanding job, Columbo...
"Because I panicked and called the only person who could get me out of a mess like that..." Said Rarity, to which Rainbow Dash put on a proud smile. "But Applejack was working so I called Dash." Dash's smile faded and gave way to an expression of annoyance.
"That bitch..." She said mumbling.
They proceed with the story, although as we would learn later, omitting certain details...
Rarity received Rainbow Dash in a robe and explained her the situation.
"Goddammit Rarity, What do you mean he offered you money?" Dash asked nervously. "Are you a prosti...?"
"No, I'm not! It was only this time, I have had money problems and could lose the boutique. Hoity Toity introduced me and made me that offer… and look what happened. " Rarity said nervously.
“But, what were you thinking of bringing him to your apartment? That's what motels are for. " Said Dash.
"I couldn't, he's a consul." Rarity said screaming.
“A consul?! Who would bring a consul in his own house? It couldn't be someone else, it had to be a consul, and not just any consul... a REAL consul. " Said Dash rambling.
"You have no idea what a consul is, do you?" Rarity yelled.
"NO!" Dash replied laconically.
"Well, he's a very important Prench man, and nobody can find out that he is here."
"And if you don't want anyone to know, why are we yelling?" Said Dash.
"I don't know!" Rarity yelled starting to collapse. “I don't know... I just know that I killed him, with my bare hands… well, not exactly with my hands. But I killed him… ” Rarity started to sob.
Dash looked at the corpse of the consul, sitting on the couch and still with a visible erection.
"Easy there Rares, the only thing you're guilty of is that now they won't be able to close the lid of the coffin." Dash said laughing, but Rarity started to cry and threw herself on her couch. " Rarity, calm down, let's call the police and you'll see how they understand that you're not to blame for anything."
“No, not the police. Because then they will know what I was doing with the consul here, and then the press would come, they would call me a whore and no one would want to buy me dresses anymore, I would lose the boutique, my family would stop talking to me, and I would be forced to live in a shop window in the Red District of Neighsterdam… ” Rarity was losing control, but Dash slapped her.
"Rarity , calm down!" Dash yelled. "Ok, the first thing to do is think about what to do with the dead man."
"You're right, Sweetie Belle will be back from college in an hour." Said Rarity.
"Look, let's take him to my apartment, then we decide what to do." Rainbow Dash suggested.
"But what about Scootaloo?"
"Don't worry about her, Scoots will be in the pub all day helping Sunset, she won't come home until evening."
So the girls, as best they could, carried the consul's body to Rainbow's apartment. Rarity grabbing him by the shoulders and Dash by the feet.
"Damn, he weighs like a dead man." Said Dash, earning a reproachful look from Rarity . "Sorry, no pun intended. Damn, Applejack's never here when we need her."
The door was finally opened and the consul was left dead on Dash's couch.
"Are you sure he'll be okay here?" Asked Rarity.
"Don't worry Rares, no one will find out." Dash said, but suddenly someone came through the door.
"Rainbows!" Said a male voice. It was Zephyr Breeze. Fluttershy's brother was staggering and talking a little funny. "Listen, I was in the pub having a few beers when I realized one thing, you are the most amazing girl I know, so… go out with me!"
"Zephyr , are you drunk?" Asked Rarity who couldn't believe what she saw.
"Just a little... it's Rich's fault ." He said.
"Look Zephyr , under normal circumstances I would bother telling you to send you packing or make myself an excuse, but this is not a good time." Said Dash looking at him with distaste.
"Always the same story, what happens today?" He asked as the two girls tried to get him out of the place before he discovered the body, but it didn't work out… "but what the…?" Said Zephyr, pulling away from the girls and looking at the consul on the couch. "Oh, so that's it, you're with someone else... and what does he have that I don't?"
"Zephyr, seriously..." Rarity tried to say something but he was not listening.
"What do you think, that for having a suit and money you are better than me?" He continued addressing the dead man. "And the fucker doesn't answer me, now I'll teach you..."
And Zephyr went to the corpse and punched him in the face knocking him down to the girls' disbelief. Zephyr started kicking him until Dash and Rarity grabbed both his arms trying to stop him.
"What? Do the gals have to defend you? Don't you have blood in your veins? Are you dead or what is wrong with you? " Zephyr yelled at the corpse.
"Yes, Zephyr, yes, he is dead!" Rarity yelled .
Zephyr stopped, looked at the body, and reached over to touch it with his foot. When he didn't react, Zephyr jumped back.
"He's... he's dead." Said Zephyr without giving credit. "But why haven't you stopped me, fools?" Zephyr was getting scared. "Oh no, I am a monster, I'm a lethal weapon… I am a murderer!"
"I AM A MURDERER!" Zephyr Breeze yelled kneeling in front of the commissioner's desk. "Please mr. commissioner, don't send me to prison, I wouldn't survive three days!"
"Please, calm down, you didn't kill him, the guy was already more dead than your brain cells..." Said the commissioner. "Although that has confirmed to us that the bruises on the corpse were due to the beating you gave him."
"No, not all of them." Said Dash suddenly, which surprised us all. "But, think that transporting a corpse is like moving, there's always something that breaks; especially when we take into account the drunkenness Zephyr had."
"By the way, can you explain me why you were drunk at this time in the morning?" The commissioner asked, making Zephyr more nervous.
“Well… why do you think? Because I drank a lot. " Great Zephyr , great explanation. "But as far as I know getting drunk is not illegal, we are not in the 1920s... illegal would be... the illegal poker game Filthy Rich set up in the pub." He said pointing to the millionaire.
"Sunset, did you let Rich do an illegal poker game in the pub in broad daylight?" I asked surprised, she just smiled at me nervously. "For fuck's sake, those things are done in the backroom..." That's when I realized that I spoke more than necessary.
"What did you say?" The commissioner asked.
"Nothing! I was just rambling." I said trying to muddle through.
"Oh boy, you should stop drinking, Zephyr..." Said Rich giving Fluttershy's brother a death stare. "Let's see, it wasn't illegal gambling, it was a game between friends just to have fun, what basis do you have to say that was illegal gambling?"
"Maybe the fact that you bet my shop on!" Big Mac blurted out very angry.
"Your shop? You mean MY local. " Rich replied.
Mac and Rich started arguing and we all had to intervene to prevent them from coming to blows.
Wait a minute! You also bet a local?! " Snapped the commissioner.
The commissioner got up and walked over to where we were all.
“Ok, let's recap. You had a corpse. " He said pointing at Dash and Rarity . "The one you beat up while drunk." He pointed to Zephyr . "While you were ilegally gambling in this gentleman's pub, in which you lost your shop." He said pointing at Rich , Mac and me. "And this leads us to the conclusion of..." The commissioner stopped and his expression turned one of frustration. "THIS MAKES NO SENSE!"
"You're right commissioner, perhaps the best thing is that we leave and each one ponders on what he has done." I said trying to escape and everyone followed me to the exit door.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" The commissioner yelled, stopping us short. "Nobody moves from here until I know what the hell happened." The commissioner sat back in his chair and addressed Rich. "Let's see, you, explain to me why you organized a poker game."
Filthy Rich sat in front of the commissioner and began to explain his side of events.
“You see commissioner, every successful businessman must master three fields: business, women, and poker. And, as expected, I'm an honorary doctorate in all three."
Filthy Rich was playing poker at the pub with Zephyr Breeze and Sandalwood and was making weird faces at Fluttershy's brother.
"Rich, we already told ya, in poker you don't have to sign." Said Zephyr laughing.
"That's right, besides, I would not make those gestures to Zeph, he is so needy that maybe he misunderstands." Said Sandalwood laughing.
"Ok, I'm done! If I wanted to waste time with cards I would believe in Tarot." Rich said angrily and throwing the cards on the table.
Zephyr looked at the cards and he was surprised. "Rich, you have poker." Zephyr said pointing at them . "You've won."
"Seriously?" Asked the millionaire surprised . "Yes! I knew this game was made for me." He said suddenly smiling haughty. "Sunset, bring these two a couple of beers, this round is on me to celebrate my triumph!"
Then Zephyr had an idea and whispered it to Sandalwood. “Sandal, are you thinking what I'm thinking? If every time he wins he buys us a beer… we're going to leave this place so wasted that we'll need a GPS to get back home." They both shook hands in agreement.
After several games, and several beers, Sandal and Zephyr were already visibly drunk.
“Come on Rich, show the beers, if you win you have to buy us to some cards; but I think it will be the last, because it gos to my feet and I understand don't when I sfeak... " Said Zephyr as he stretched his tongue like it helps him speak better.
"Well, I think this time I lost..." Said Rich showing his cards. "Even the best ones have to lose sometime..."
"No Rich... you've won..." Said Sandal also as drunk as Zeph. "Look, you have a 3, a 4, a 7, a Jack, and an Ace!" He said pointing to the Ace of Spades. “This is a hot dog! This is the best hand, they even ban it in Las Pegasus casinos. Lucky bastard!"
"Seriously?" Said Rich happily. “Well guys, you know what they say, unlucky in cards… shame on you! Sunset, please give Lord Failure and Mister Defeat two more beers." And while laughing, Rich went to the toilet.
"Hot dog? Really?" Asked Zephyr laughing.
"What else, man? I'm kinda hungry." Said Sandal.
Zephyr and Sandalwood walked to the bar laughing, where Sunset poured two more beers for them.
"No Sandal, I can't drink anymore." Zephyr said as Sandalwood offered him the glass. Zephyr finally accepted it, but after taking the first sip he spat it out. "You see? I'm full." They both laughed, satisfied with the trap they set on Filthy Rich. “Seriously, I've never had so much free beer. This is the best day of my life!" Suddenly Zephyr looked sad. "Or it would be if it weren't because I'm missing something..."
"Easy Zeph, I'll bring some joints for both later." Said the hippie as he drank his beer.
"No, it's not that, but I will take your offer." Said Fluttershy's brother. "It's just since your sister left I feel empty... maybe I should try my luck with Rainbow Dash again."
"Zeph man, we've already talked about it, you're more likely to win a nobel prize than Rainbow Dash notices you."
"Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to go upstairs and I'm going to tell her something... "
"Wait, Zephyr , you're not going to tell what we already know again, are you?" I said interrupting him.
"Hey Bourbon, you weren't there, I was, and I can tell you as is."
"Wowowo, Zephyr, did you forget how drunk you were?" Said Rainbow Dash.
"She's right, I'd better tell this." Said Rarity.
"Yes please." I said.
Zephyr was sitting on the couch, using the Consul as a puppet. A somewhat sick sight, worthy of a video from the Deep Web.
"Hello Zephyr, how d'you doing?" Zephyr said imitating a high-pitched voice. "Nothing, here, deciding what to do with you."
"Zephyr! Could you not be an idiot for once in your life? Don't you have any respect for the dead? " Asked Rarity pissed off.
"I got it! We will carry the corpse away from here and leave him in another place. Since he died from a heart attack, he could have it anywhere." Said Rainbow Dash suddenly.
"Anywhere she says..." Zephyr laughed at Dash's comment. "Look Dash, I'm not a physician, but it's called a heart attack because it hits the heart, not the leg." Rarity and Dash looked at each other. "Let's see what we do with this guy, because he looks like he weighs like a dead man."
Zephyr laughed at his dark joke.
“Very good Zephyr, you do what you do best: nothing. Dash, darling, let's see how we handle this before we all end up in jail." Said Rarity retiring with Rainbow to her room.
"I don't do anything, she says, you'll see, you and I are going for a little walk, I'll solve this in two shakes of a lamb's tail." He said talking to the dead man; then he got up, took out his phone and dialed the contact. "Yo Sandal, It's me... Zephyr, man... hey, do you still have that hippie van... damn, always your sister... Well, look, I need a spacious vehicle..."
Zephyr stepped out into the common hallway on Rarity's floor, while she and Dash exited her room.
“No darling, Big Mac won't give us his pickup; Applejack told me that once she requested it to go see Thistleweed and he said: 'Nope, I'd rather they ride my ex-girlfriend than my truck.' Said Rarity.
"Oh Rarity, my innocent and young Rarity, who's talking about asking him? We are going to "borrow" it to make a delivery. Trust me, there's no way this could go wrong." Said Rainbow Dash sure of herself.
"So, in other words, you not only moved a body without a judge's permission, but also stole a vehicle to do so. That is, you committed a second crime to do the first." Said the commissioner.
"You robbed Big Mac's truck?" I asked without giving credit.
“Hey commissioner, if we were committing one crime, how can you commit another at the same time? As far as I know, no one can be in two places at the same time." Zephyr said as if he had come to a conclusion worthy of a genius. I just patted my forehead.
"You know? You're lucky they're cleaning my gun." Said the commissioner angrily. "Ok, Did you steal Big Macintosh Apple's vehicle or not?"
"Look commissioner, I'm sorry , but I don't allow you to doubt these ladies." Said Big Mac defending Rarity and Dash. However, I noticed how they looked away and shrugged nervously. "Maybe they were desperate, but I know them and they're honest people, they're my friends, and they are..." Big Mac was rummaging in his pockets, but he stumbled against the truth. “They are two bitches who stole my keys! How in the Hell could you've robbed a friend?" He yelled looking at the girls with more disappointment than anger. Especially towards Rainbow Dash.
"Easy Big Mac, easy." Said Filthy Rich inviting Big Mac to sit down. “I'll explain it to you, Mr. commissioner, as a good collaborator of the forces of law and order. Even if you don't need it, for someone in your category solving the Kennedy assassination would be a piece of cake." Rich kept battering the commissioner.
"I hate bootlickers." The policeman replied.
"So do I, so do I, totally agree with you..." Rich said intimidated. "You see, I was in Bourbon's pub playing a game with Sandalwood, a young man for whom I have a lot of love and respect..."
"Sandal, you looser!" Said Filthy Rich mocking the hippy. "What a game, I think you're going to have to put down the joints, they're driving you dumb. Another game?"
"No, no; I don't want to play anymore… I can't take another drop of beer… ” Said Sandal exhausted.
“Well, look on the bright side, since you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. Now, if you had money… ”Suddenly Rich had an idea. "That's right, what am I doing playing with a loser like you, when I could be playing with a loser with money?"
Sandalwood's cell phone rang and he answered the call.
"Yeah?... Who is 'me'?... Zephyr, bro!... No, my sister has the van... well, that may be a problem... Look, I'll try to get you a vehicle, but I don't know if it'll be easy… ” Sandal hung up and turned to Big Mac who was paying for a coffee to go back to his shop. "Hey Mac, will you lend me your pick up, please?"
"Nope, Sandal , I'd rather they ride my ex-girlfriend than my truck." The farmer replied.
Meanwhile, Filthy Rich looked around, deck of cards in hand, wondering who he could get for some gambling. Customers were consuming, in and out, until he noticed an individual at the bar who wanted to pay.
"Excuse me miss, do you have change for a coffee? I only carry $100 bills. " At that moment Rich thought he had found his prey.
"Sunset, forget that, I invite this gentleman." Said Rich approaching in a friendly way. "Save that money for more important things, like for example... a game of poker with me?"
"No, thanks, I already mess with Monopoly enough to bet on poker." Said the man. "Besides, ain't that illegal?"
"Well, illegal... you don't have to stick to the laws one hundred percent either. This is a game between friends. Filthy Rich." He said introducing himself. "And you…"
"Spades." The man said shaking his han . "But don't insist Rich, this money is for my wife, so she can go dancing."
"Ah, the whims of the missus, I've already been through that..." He said remembering his ex-wife. "And what did the lady want? A necklace? A purse?"
"An orthopedic leg." Spades replied leaving Rich looking like an idiot.
"Oh... well, think that if you win you can buy seven legs, one for each day of the week."
“Well, since you put in that way… what the hell! Let's go gambling!" Said Spades finally convinced.
They both walked to the table and Spades hung his coat on one of the chairs.
“How much do you use to bet on this game? One hundred dollars?" He said as he started to shuffle.
"No, man, how are we going to start with a hundred bucks?" Rich said , thinking it was crazy, but suddenly, seeing how the cards slipped from his hand, he saw his scam clear as water. "We start with 200." Rich put the bills on the table, grinning wickedly.
"Okay." Said Spades.
Suddenly the guy cut and shuffled the cards like a professional dealer would. Leaving Rich surprised and a little scared.
After an hour of departure, Rich had lost $ 5,000 just like that.
"Well, we're done." Spades said smiling.
"I hope you don't spend it all in implants because otherwise your wife is going to look like a centipede." Rich said visibly angry. "Hey, will you at least grant me a rematch?"
"Yes, no problem." Said Spades very confident.
"Great, I'll be back soon." Rich said getting up from the table. "Every gambler worth his salt has an ace up his sleeve, and mine is a farmer, redhead, and has a shop."
A few minutes earlier, at Big Mac's store, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were planning how to steal the keys from Applejack's brother.
“Well, here's the plan, we distract Big Mac and quietly take the keys from him. And better hurry, Zephyr will be with the consul soon. " Said Rainbow Dash.
Meanwhile, Zephyr carried the body on his back and was next to the stairs to the first floor.
"Shit, you could go on a diet now." He said while leaning him on the railing. "Now let's see how I get you down."
To Zephyr's carelessness , the body slipped and fell down the stairwell into the hall.
"Oops... Don't move I'm coming down now!" He screamed as if the dead man could hear him.
Fortunately for Zephyr there was no one downstairs so he was able to go unnoticed.
At the store, Big Mac had just come out of the storage room and ran into the two girls leaving their keys on the counter.
"Big Mac, how are you? Attending in the store, right? Sure, you work here… ” Said Rarity getting nervous.
"Eeyup." Big Mac said with a shrug.
"Can you pass me one of those bottles of milk you have behind you?" Rarity asked .
Big Mac turned around, and just as they reached for the keys Big Mac turned again.
"Medium or large?"
"Large."
"Cow or sheep?"
"I don't know... sheep?" Rarity said .
"Sorry, I don't have sheep's milk."
Both girls were left wondering why he offered it if in the end he didn't have it.
"Oh, well, I'll have to have something else for breakfast I guess... What was that thing you take so long to get out of the storage room?" Rarity asked .
"I don't know, a potato sack?" Said Mac not knowing what was going on.
"That! I just mistake it with... tomato. " She said looking at the shelf of tomatoes. "Look, potato, tomato, potato, tomato, potato, tomato..."
"Ok... be right back." Said Big Mac puzzled.
The older Apple went to the warehouse but not before taking the keys with him.
"Good job Mata Hari..." Said Rainbow Dash.
“I'm sorry I was nervous… I guess I didn't focus on it the way I should. I will have to use my feminine wiles. " Said Rarity making a femme fatal face.
Rainbow Dash turned pale upon hearing that. "Wowowo, you're not thinking of seducing Big Mac, ain't ya?"
"Why not? I cannot think of anything else."
"But... think of Applejack, what would she say if she found out that you tried to pick up her brother?" Said Rainbow Dash trying to stop her.
“Well, not exactly pick up… just flirt a little to distracting him, as you well said. Besides, I am the best qualified for that."
"What do you mean?" Dash said looking at Rarity questioningly.
"Well darling you... I don't think you could do it, you're not feminine enough for Big Mac to notice you." Said Rarity.
"Oh yeah?" Rainbow was visibly angry , but even if she didn't want to admit it, more out of jealousy than for what looked like an insult. Rarity had hurt her pride and was going to make amends. “I'll show you what I can do. Get out, I'll have the keys in ten seconds flat."
Rarity almost shoved out while Dash waited for Big Mac. A few minutes later he came out carrying a sack of potatoes over his shoulder.
"Here it is, Rarity." Said Big Mac, but Rarity wasn't there. "Where's Rarity? Tired of waitin'? " Rainbow just shrugged. "Well Rainbow, do you want a sack of potatoes?"
"Nope, I want something else, I have noticed the flagship product of this store, the tastiest, and I'm not going to go without it." She said in a seductive tone.
"Eeyup, I knew you couldn't resist?" Said Big Mac smiling. "Perfect then, I'll get you a box of six bottles of cider at half price, and for you one more bottle as a gift."
Rainbow was surprised at that answer and thought that maybe it was going to be more difficult than she thought. "No Big Mac, actually, I preferred another type of Apple." Said Rainbow reaching over and patting Big Mac on the chest. "I'm unable to resist being without you for so long ." Rainbow spoke to him with a sweet tone very unlike her.
"Eyup?" Said Big Mac surprised.
Slowly, Rainbow Dash went down until she grabbed the keys, but suddenly Big Mac pushed her away.
“No, Dash, we cannot behave like animals. We have to control ourselves a bit. Remember that time at the pub…” Big Mac said calming down.
“Control? How can I control myself if I wake up in the middle of the night whispering your name?" Dash grabbed Big Mac by the lapel of his shirt and pulled him close to her. "Then I start to sweat, and pant... and I hug the pillow thinking about your body and these hands that caress me and turn me on me like a mare in heat." Said Dash said as she ran her hands over Big Mac's body.
"Eeeeeeyup ." Big Mac said grabbing Dash by the hips. "I also do things with the pillow thinking of you Dash."
"Then what are you waiting for, big man?" She yelled.
Big Mac grabbed Rainbow and held her up like the potato sack. "To the storage room."
They both went to the warehouse, but after five minutes. Rainbow Dash came out with a triumphant expression and the keys in her hand. Right after her, Big Mac came out with his pants down but his boxers on.
"Maybe a little over ten seconds, but it's still fast." Dash thought triumphantly.
"But Dash , you promised me sex!" He screamed trying to compose himself , but stumbled to all fours. "You promised me... sex." Just when he finished the sentence he found Filthy Rich in front of him who was looking at him strangely.
"And then you wonder why Sugar Belle left you." Said Rich. "Get up, and pull up your pants." Big Mac listened. "Mac, pay me the rent."
"But I did pay you three days ago." Mac said puzzled .
"Yeah... I mean next month's rent." Said Filthy Rich. "Look, Mac, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't an emergency, but my mother is very ill."
"Wow, sorry. What d'she got?" The surprised farmer asked.
“Well… she has such a poor prognosis that they don't even tell me. I just need the money."
Mac agreed and went to the register to give Rich the next month's rent .
Meanwhile, Dash ran into Rarity on the street and they fetched Big Mac's pickup from a nearby underground parking lot, hoping Zephyr could do a good job keeping an eye on the dead man.
"Did you cheat on your tenant to have money to bet?" The commissioner asked Filthy Rich.
"Well, if you said like that, it sounds pretty bad." Said the millionaire.
"Holy shit, because it is really bad!" I said without being able to believe it.
"And what happened next?" The commissioner asked.
Hours later Zephyr was on a bench in the street with the corpse of the consul, which gave the impression of being asleep.
Just then a girl passed in front of them and Zephyr looked at her ass.
"That ass!" He yelled in a deep voice. The girl whirled around indignantly. "Hey ! How do you say that to the lady?" Zephyr said giving the corpse a slap. "Forgive my friend, he is ashamed of himself."
The girl just walked away and Rarity and Rainbow Dash just came running.
"Zephyr, are you moron? Why don't you put some neon lights on it and a sign that says 'Dead Consul'? " Said Rarity.
"Because that's how the whole world would find out." He replied.
"That's what it's about, you fool, that nobody finds out." Said Dash.
"Well, let's put him in the truck and get this over with." Said Rarity. "But please, with discretion."
“Don't worry Rares, nobody beats me discreetly. I was used to hook up with Soarin in my room while my parents watched TV." Said Rainbow Dash helping Zephyr carry the dead man.
Once they put him in the truck, they closed the door and prepared to leave.
"Great, Zephyr, do you have the briefcase?" Asked Dash.
“No, I don't carry a briefcase. Well once, the time I ripped off Rich, but I paid him back." Said Zephyr.
“The consul's, you idiot. Please tell me you haven't left it at my place."
"It's not at your place." He replied.
"Good, where is it?"
"At your place." Rainbow was thinking about adding another corpse to the truck. "But you told me not to tell you."
“You… Rarity, let's get the briefcase. Zephyr, you watch the truck, and please don't fuck up this time." Said Dash leaving with Rarity.
At the same time Big Mac was standing in the pub at the table where Rich and Spades were playing.
"Well, your mother's problem must be serious, because instead of a child she gave birth to a vermin." Said Big Mac. "How come you ask me for money to bet on cards?"
"Look Mac, don't be like that, technically this money is also mine." Said Filthy Rich. “What difference does it make to you to give it to me now than in a month. After all, you don't lose anything."
"I call, $ 12,000 against the redhead's shop." Said Spades putting the money on the table.
"What!? You're betting my shop? " Yelled Big Mac.
“Well, 'your shop', technically the local is mine. I decide what to do with it."
“Seriously Rich, I didn't imagine you could come to this. Come on, bet my shop, play with my future, I can't explain how you…” But Big Mac stopped when he saw something outside the pub that surprised him. "Wait a minute, what is my pickup doing there?"
Big Mac went out to steal his truck. Next to him was Zephyr eyeing his cell phone.
"But, if I parked it two blocks down..." Said Big Mac.
"Well, I don't think that's the case. Otherwise it wouldn't be here. Are you calling me a liar? " Said Zephyr nervously.
"Nope, but is that..."
“But, but, but… Big Mac, you're acting weird lately. Then you ask why Sugar Belle left you."
“Again… look Zephyr, I'm sorry; it's just today I have an awful day, first they tease me, and now Filthy Rich is betting my business on poker."
Zephyr laughed. “Bet it, he's giving it away; Rich has no idea about playing poker."
"But if he has no idea why is he betting it?" Big Mac asked scared .
"Ok, you see, you're going to laugh your ass of." He said approaching Big Mac. “It turns out that this morning Sandalwood and I cheated on Filthy Rich, we let him win at poker because every time he won he invited us to beer, but the moron can't tell the difference between a full house and a bouquet of flowers. " Zephyr said laughing. "So say goodbye to your store because Rich is REALLY bad."
Big Mac was left speechless and looking like he had seen a ghost.
"Although, for you, that you could loose your job wouldn't be that funny."
Both were so focused on their things that neither noticed that the Pick Up had started and was leaving. Big Mac ran to the pub and Zephyr turned around to watch the truck go.
"Hey, don't leave me here!" Shout.
"Zephyr, what have you done?" Said Dash who appeared with Rarity.
"What have I done? What about you? You left without me." Suddenly Zephyr realized the situation. "Wait, you're here, then it must have been the dead guy, who was not dead and has gone away..." They both looked at Zephyr with grimaces. "Wait, that doesn't make sense... ok, I've run out of ideas."
"Did they steal the pickup that you stole from me with a dead body inside?" Big Mac asked without giving credit.
"Holy crap!" Said the commissioner. “So, first you're sexually harass and left horny, then they steal your vehicle to transport a corpse and on top of that he bet your business on an illegal poker game. Hey, out of curiosity, what makes you think these people are your friends?"
"And we haven't told you what his ex-girlfriend did to him." I said without avoiding laughing .
Nope , the problem is that when you're good they take you for a fool." Said Big Mac.
Once again an argument broke out between everyone, until Sunset intervened.
"Shut up! Something's wrong with the commissioner… ”She said pointing at him.
The commissioner had buried his head in his hands. “Shit… I'll never solve this case. I will never be able to retire, or go fishing. " He said sobbing.
“Don't say that, mister, you are a great cop; and will solve this case with our help." Said Rainbow Dash.
"Look, if you really want to help me, please tell me what happened." The commissioner said making a pleading gesture with his hands.
Big Mac stormed into the pub and headed for Rich's table.
"Rich , I'm not going to let you continue this!" Said Mac, grabbed a bunch of cards, threw them on the ground and stomped on them. "That's right, now whith which cards are you going to play now?" He said believing that he had achieved something.
"With these, those were the discards." Said Rich pointing to another bunch. "And don't bother me, I'm winning. Come on Spades, show me what you got." He said making hand gestures.
"Well this time you got me Rich... I only have a pair." Spades said throwing the cards on the table in frustration.
"Rich, you won!" Said Big Mac. "Good thing… I could already see myself playing the banjo on the subway to make ends meet."
"Of course Mac, I wouldn't bet your shop if I didn't have a good hand, do you think I'm an idiot?" He said and began to show him his cards. “Look, a 3, a 4, a 7, a Jack and an Ace. Sunset ! Your hair is like ketchup and mustard, it matches with my hot dog." Rich said laughing, but no more than Spades. A contrast to Big Mac's expression of horror.
"Hot dog?" He said almost in a whisper. "You fool! That's worth nothing. Sandal and Zephyr tricked you! They were letting you win so you buy them beers, and now you've lost my store…” Big Mac was about to cry.
"You mean MY store." Said Spades triumphantly.
Rich began to have a tic in his eye and the vein in his neck began to swell. "What? You mean because of those shitty morons I have been ruined? " Rich got up from the chair. "I kill them, I kill them!"
Big Mac held onto Rich and tried to calm him down.“ Rich, please go wash your face and calm down. Let me handle this."
Filthy Rich adjusted his tie and went to the toilet while Mac called Spades' attention for a chat. They both approached the bar and Big Mac explained the situation to Spades.
“Look, I won't lie to you, Rich has a lot of money, and we have two friends who are quite scroungers and like to drink for free. That's why they tricked Rich into thinking he was winning at poker so he could buy them beers. So the bet is worthless." Big Mac laughed and Spades laughed too. "What a silly mistake, huh? They go crazy, they don't know what they're doing."
"What a coincidence." Spades said laughing. "It turns out that I have a cousin whoalso goes crazy and doesn't know what he's doing." Spades put his hand on Big Mac's shoulder. "So if you don't want to start walking with your balls, you're already paying me what you owe." Something that scared Big Mac is that Spades didn't lose his smile. That gesture told him that the guy was serious, so he slowly withdrew.
Filthy Rich came out of the bathroom, her face still damp and wiping her neck with a handkerchief.
"Well, have you reached an agreement?" Rich asked Big Mac.
"Eyup. You pay him fast and we can keep our legs…” Said Big Mac scared.
"Hold on a second." Said the commissioner suddenly. "Your attempt to pay off the debt won't have to do with the complaint filed by Stinkin' Rich's widow for the theft of her jewelry, right?"
"What?" Said Filthy Rich. "Look, I'm not leaving because I'm in custody, but are you implying that I have gambled with the family assets? That I have stolen my own grandmother? That I have put a price on her memories? Please, sir… ” Filthy Rich looked very outraged. However, it did not go unnoticed by me that it was all just a facade...
"Just that for all the jewels?" Rich asked as he spoke on the phone sitting on a pub stool. “Hey, what if I add two golden teeth to the price? Hello?" Whoever Rich was talking to hung up. "Shit, I already knew the old woman's jewelry was cheap plastic..." Rich said taking a long sip of his whiskey glass.
"Bravo, Rich." Said Big Mac being sarcastic. "First you gamble my business at poker, now you steal your grandmother... you would be a mobster better than Lucky Luciano."
Rich looked with disdain at Big Mac. "Sure, how easy it is to see everything when you have nothing to lose, but you're always thinking about your things..."
"My things?!" Screamed Big Mac. "And now that you've lost my store, what's suppose to be my things?"
"Collateral damage, I remind you that I have lost a local and a lot of money." Rich was trying to make excuses, but even he knew he really screwed up. "Look Mac, I only did what anyone would do when they see a fool with money: try to scam him, but in the end I was the scammer scammed..."
Suddenly Sunset reacted and came up with a plan.
"Of course, that's it! Hey, have you watched The Sting? " Asked Sunset.
"Sunset no offense, but I'm not in the mood to watch movies with you." Said Rich.
"That's not what I mean, listen, I have a plan, we just have to..." Suddenly Sunset was interrupted by Mac.
"Wait, ain't that our street on the TV?" He asked.
On television there was a reporter speaking on camera about the disappearance of a Prench diplomat.
"...according to statements by the Prench embassy, the consul could have been the victim of a kidnapping, which would seriously complicate diplomatic relations with Prance." The reporter pointed to the pub behind her. “In this pub here, the consul could have had his last café- au- lait . "
Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Zephyr were in Dash's apartment watching the news in horror. Rarity was sitting on the couch biting her nails and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"Shit... now the whole police must be looking for us." Said Rarity. “And all because of you Zephyr! You've lost him! " She yelled at Fluttershy's brother.
"Hey, hold on a second, what's the problem?" Asked Zephyr. "What did you want? Get rid of the corpse. And what did the Zeph do? Get rid of it. Mission accomplished!" Zephyr was the only one who seemed concerned. "And now, to thank me, Rainbow, what if you and I…?" Zephyr couldn't finish the sentence.
"Look Zephyr, if you aspire to be a father one day I would recommend you not to finish that sentence." Said Dash with a murderous look. "Ok, focus, let's think, how many pick up trucks can there be in Canterlot?"
"I don't know, darling... 10,000?" Said Rarity. "Please, Rainbow Dash, the next thing you'll say is that the thief is coming to give it back to us."
Suddenly the bell rang, surprising everyone. Zephyr went to open the door and found Sandalwood.
“Hey Zeph, I borrowed the truck you asked for. But there's a problem." Said the Hippy. "You won't believe it, but it has a dead body inside."
Everyone's eyes widened.
"Either is the biggest coincidence ever, or we have our thief..." said Zephyr .
Meanwhile in the pub, Filthy rich was holding a briefcase tightly like a baby. Beside him were Big Mac and Sunset .
"I can't do this guys, I'm very nervous, and when I get nervous my lip starts to tremble and..."
"Rich, please calm down." Said Sunset. "Relax, you'll see how everything works well."
"Eyup, trust me, just act like the money is in the briefcase." Said Big Mac.
"Sure, if you didn't know how to get your girlfriend back, how are you going to get your store back?" Said the millionaire.
At that moment Spades entered the pub.
"Wow, it ain't Filthy Rich, the poker wizard, who draws the cards and the money disappears." Said Spades laughing and noticing the briefcase. "I suppose the papers and money are in there."
"Of course, here it is." Said Rich placing the briefcase on the bar and patting it. "Every little thing. What do you think? That we've filled it with newspaper clippings and a magazine, and… ” Rich trailed off because Sunset kicked him.
"Hey, don't you have a sense of honor? Won't you give a man a chance to get his business back? That he raised him out o' nowhere with just a little money, products from his farm and lots of enthusiasm… are you going to deny me a rematch?" Said Big Mac stopping Spades.
Spades seemed to think so, but only answered a terse "Yes."
Big Mac held the briefcase. “Wait, what is it? Are you a chicken?" Big Mac began to imitate a chicken, which did not seem to intimidate Spades.
"Two. Things." Spades said holding up two fingers . “First, that sounded like a turkey. And second, you have nothing that interests me."
"Maybe I'm not, but what if I bet Rich's Barnyard Bargains?" Said Big Mac.
"In that case, we have a bargain." Said Spades ready to play.
Filthy Rich froze. “Wait, Mac, you're not betting Barnyard Bargains. Bet something yours, like your store… ” Rich fell suddenly. "Don't bet Barnyard Bargains!"
“Relax Rich, this is a won game. We have him where we wanted him. " Said Big Mac.
After starting the game, they both showed their cards. And Big Mac looked in horror at the hand Spades put out.
"Four... He has a four aces." Said Big Mac.
"And, is that good or bad?" Asked Rich.
"Let's say if you want something from the Barnyard you're going to have to pay for it..." Said Sunset.
"Big Mac, have you lost the store that my grandfather build up?" Asked Rich very annoyed.
"You mean MY store." Said Spades with a triumphant look.
"My father's gonna kill me... but first I kill you." Said Filthy Rich angrily. "You ruined me, will you tell me what we do now?"
"Well, for now, give me the deeds of both places." Said Spades.
Rich and Mac didn't know what to say, they just fell silent as the millionaire's lower lip trembled.
Meanwhile, Rarity, Rainbow, and the rest went down to the street to check on the condition of Big Mac's truck and its unusual passenger.
Rarity ran to open the door and smiled in relief when she saw the corpse of the consul.
"My goodness, I never thought I'd be so happy to see a dead man." She said.
"Come on, let's go fast." Dash said getting into the driver's seat and trying to start the vehicle. "Shit, it won't start!"
"Of course, it doesn't have gas!" Said Sandalwood. "Whoops, I forgot to say it."
"Oh this is the worst. Possible. Thing. What do we do now?" Said Rarity.
Suddenly a siren was heard and the blue lights of a patrol car appeared around the corner.
"The cops!" Yelled Zephyr.
They all ducked, consul included, to avoid being seen.
At the pub, Filthy Rich was sadly handing over the deed to the store his grandfather opened several years ago.
“Here you got the deed of THREE generations of hard work. The beginning of an empire." Said Rich on the verge of crying. "This may be the Fall of Rome for me."
“Damn, Rich, that's beautiful. I almost started crying. " Said Spades panting Rich's shoulder. "If it weren't for the joy I get from having won two buissiness in one afternoon." Spades began to laugh triumphantly.
"Yes, laugh, you may have my money and my business, but there is something you will never have, the trust and affection that the Rich name has left in people."
"Filthy Rich, you bastard!" Said suddenly a long-haired guy entering the pub. “Five years waiting for you to pay me for the reform of your Barnyard Bargains. My house is getting foreclosed on because of you, you fucking defaulter, I want my money!"
“Look, I don't allow you to come here and insult me like that! I don't have time to hear the nonsense of a jerk like you." Filthy Rich yelled. However, the long-haired man pulled out a pistol and pointed it at him. Rich, just raised his hands in surrender, Big Mac and Sunset hid behind the bar and Spades behind a table. "Ok with good manners we can understand each other."
"Enough of that bullshit, where's my money?"
"Look, I understand that the debt has to be paid by the owner of the store, but the owner is that guy who has hidden behind the table." Rich said pointing at Spades. The long-haired man pointed the gun at him.
"Who, me? No way." He said very nervous. “I'm not even the owner of my life. That big man hiding behind the bar bet the store and I won it." The long-haired man changed white and Big Mac pulled out a rag like a white flag.
“Please don't shoot, I can't pay you with anything." Big Mac said very nervous. "It's all that man's fault, he bet and loose my business."
"Shut up! Who has the gun? You have it?" Said the man. "Oh, right! I have it. Well, silence, if somebody says something else I'll kill him."
On the street, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Zephyr, and Sandalwood were trying to transport the corpse of the consul while avoiding the occasional policeman who patrolled the streets.
At first glance it seemed that they were carrying a drunkard.
"Let's go to the pub, before the police catch us. Hurry up!" Said Dash.
The group entered the pub, only to find a Dantesque scene.
"Oh no, he has a gun!" Rarity yelled at the sight of the long haired man.
"Quiet! Hands up, I'm crazy fucker!" The armed guy yelled.
He pointed at the group, causing them to raise their hands and thereby releasing the consul's body, which fell to the ground like a sack of wheat. Sandalwood ran off and the rest stared at the consul's corpse.
"But, what happens to that man?" Sunset asked scared. "Is he dead?"
"Either that or he's so drunk that can't stand on his two feet." Said Rich.
"Drunk? He's not breathin', I'm telling y'all that guy's dead." Said Big Mac.
"No, Big Mac, the thing is..." Rainbow Dash tried to say .
"I'm sorry for interrupting, but I have a gun!" Said the long-haired man. "If you really want to know the difference between a living and a dead, I'm glad to show you."
"Then, start with me!" Said Filthy Rich so solemn. "I've already lost everything, trust with my friends, my money, his money, my business... but I won't lose my dignity."
The long-haired man shot at Rich , causing him to start bleeding from his stomach and fall to the ground. Rarity and Sunset screamed. Mac ran over to Rich's body .
"Rich, NOOOPE!" Yelled Big Mac.
The long-haired man ran away.
"Someone call an ambulance!" Zephyr yelled.
Spades was shocked and open-mouthed.
"Spades, call the police." Said Big Mac.
Spades made to grab the briefcase, but ultimately ran out of the pub.
Once out of sight, Big Mac changed his expression to one of satisfaction and rose triumphantly.
"Eyup, eeeeeeyup!" He yelled. “We finally got rid of that shitty asshole. And the store is mine again!"
"How can you say that Mac?" Said Zephyr nervously. "Rich was our friend, he had a heart of gold and... a gold watch too." He said, noticing the watch on his wrist. "Hold on, I'm going to see what he has in his wallet."
Zephyr reached down to grab the watch, but Rich suddenly started slapping him.
"Keep your hands of, you buzzard!" Shouted the millionaire, getting up. "Damn, if it takes me a little longer to get up, you'll steal even my organs."
"But, what is happening here?" Rarity asked .
"Well, we have made a pantomime to recover what we have bet." Rich said . "Good thing I did a performance worthy of an Oscar."
"Now can you explain to me what's wrong with that guy?" Asked Sunset pointing to the corpse of the consul.
However, Sunset went pale when she saw who walked through the door...
"What the hell is going on here?" Bourbon had just come through the door with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
"Boss!" Sunset yelled in surprise.
“Rich, what happened to your gut? And who's that guy on the floor?" Asked Bourbon without giving credit to the scene.
"CCPD, freeze." Said a voice behind him.
"And now that?" Bourbon whirled around screaming, but fell suddenly when he saw who was behind him.
A man in his sixties accompanied by two police officers taller than him.
"Yeah, sure, I'm freezing and you're a cop." Zephyr said laughing. “Rich already explained to us that this is a pantomime. Also, who's going to believe thaty your a policeman with that potato body you have."
Zephyr laughed as the commissioner turned red with fury and the others looked at him in fear.
"You're a real cop, right?" Zeph said realizing he fucked up. "Well, put the handcuffs on then."
"Certainly, this case is worth studying." Said the commissioner checking the statements.
Suddenly another policeman entered the room with some papers. "Chief, here's the report." After delivering the papers to the commissioner, he left.
"Well, it seems incredible, but you are free." Said the commissioner, to which we all went crazy with joy. "It turns out that thanks to your irresponsibility we have managed to capture Spades Hoofield, a gambler who has been in search and seizure for two years."
"What did you say?" I asked without giving credit.
"Oh, fuck me..." Said a voice that I recognized behind me. As I turned around, I found Spades accompanied by a police officer. "Bourbon? What are you doing here?"
“Oh nothing, it turns out that when I get to my pub I find a corpse and I discover that an underground game of poker was played. You got nothing to do with that, right?" I asked questioningly.
"Hey man, I swear I didn't know it was your pub, I'm sorry." Said Spades scared as the agent took him away.
I noticed that the others looked at me strangely, surely someone was going to say something, but the commissioner was ahead of them.
"Wow... it seems also that the report says that one of you has lied."
"Okay, I admit it. I'm not 22 years old." Said Rainbow Dash suddenly. "It's just that they hadn't asked me my age for so long that I got nervous and..."
"No, don't worry, no one has believed that." The commissioner interrupted Dash leaving her not knowing how to feel. "The autopsy says that the consul died practicing sex, and that apparently, he had regular contact with 'professionals'..." The commissioner looked at Rarity. "Miss, can you tell me what you were really doing with the consul?"
Rarity was pale and was looking at the commissioner with puppy eyes.
"Uhm... look commissioner, I..." Rarity didn't seem to find the right words, it was like they didn't quite come out of her mouth. "This is not easy for me, it was not a decision I made for pleasure, and I don't know what people would think of me..."
"Look, it doesn't matter, if I tell you the truth it's none of my business." Said the commissioner seeing how uncomfortable Rarity was. Then he looked at his watch and smirked. "Besides, it's 00:30 and I'm officially retired." The commissioner grabbed his coat and started to walk out the door. "I'm going to Vanhoover to fish and enjoy my retirement, take care and I hope I never see you again." And so the ex-commissioner left while we too said goodbye.
"Rarity... are you...?" I tried to ask, but she cut me off.
"I'm sorry, I just need to be alone..." And without even looking at me she left.
At that moment, Filthy Rich approached Big Mac.
"Hey Big Mac, I wanted to apologize for everything today, I know I acted like a real asshole." Said the millionaire.
"Eyup." Big Mac nodded.
"Look, I'll give you your money back and I'll forgive you two months of rent, is that okay?" Said Rich.
"Ok, at least you still have decency left." Said my roomate smiling.
Just as Big Mac was preparing to leave, Rainbow Dash stopped him.
"Big Mac, can we talk for a moment?"
Big Mac was silent for what seemed like an eternity, and responded with a simple, terse, "Nope."
And without saying a word he left...
Rainbow Dash stood there on the site not knowing how to take that reaction. I understood Big Mac's reaction, especially after what happened.
"He's quite angry, right?" She said.
"No shit..." I said making an obvious face.
“Dash, I don't think he's that angry, but rather disappointed. You tricked him into stealing his truck keys." Sunset said .
“But understand me, I couldn't put Rarity at risk. Even in the hypothetical case that he had lent me the keys, what do I say? 'No, it's to transport the corpse of a consul who had paid Rarity to sleep with her.' "
Now everything fit. Rainbow Dash's strange attitude during the interrogation was due to her not wanting to expose Rarity, she was doing it to protect her. Dash, loyal 'til the end.
“Look Rainbow, Big Mac may be a bit disappointed, but I'm sure if you talk to him he'll listen. Try to explain it to him. But, remember to be honest." I said.
"Alright, I'm going to talk to him." And she left. I suspected that he was heading to our place.
"Well, Sunset , I'm going to the pub to organize everything, will you join me?"
"Yes, but first a question, how did you know that gambler?"
"Well... it's a long story, but I better tell it to you in the pub." I said as we were leaving the police station.
Rainbow Dash stood in front of Bourbon and Big Mac's door undecided, not knowing exactly what she was going to say.
After ringing the bell she waited and Big Mac opened the door.
"Hey Mac!" She said.
Big Mac just looked at her seriously and closed the door, leaving Dash standing there, confused.
She, however, wasn't going to give up and called again.
Big Mac opened with the same serious face.
"Hey, I know you're mad, but if you could just let me..." Big Mac closed it again.
Dash made an angry face and quite forcefully rang the bell again several times in a row.
Big Mac snapped open. "Look, Dash..." He didn't have time to respond as all he saw was a rainbow flash followed by a puff of air. Turning around, he saw Rainbow Dash sitting cross-legged on the couch and staring at him triumphantly. "I hate when you do that..."
"Nah, I don't believe you. Hey, I need to talk to you, I wanted to apologize for what happened. Are you really that mad at me?"
"Me? Nope, it's just that it bothers me a little that my truck is stolen to transport a corpse, It's a bad habit of mine." Said Big Mac sarcastically.
“And what did you want me to do, Mac? Tell you the truth? I couldn't betray Rarity's trust, I needed to get her out of that mess no matter how... "
Big Mac just looked away, he understood why Dash did what she did, but that didn't change the fact that he felt used.
"Look, Dash, I can understand that, but you used me, that wasn't right..." Big Mac turned away from looking at her, but suddenly he felt her grip him tightly and hug him behind his back.
“I'm sorry… I'm really sorry. I didn't want anything of this to happen, but it got out of control. " Rainbow Dash was getting down a lot which surprised the farmer.
"Dash?" It was the only thing Mac could say.
"You know? If you want me to leave, I'll leave." She said letting go of the hug and heading towards the door, but suddenly.
"Wait, Dash." Mac said grabbing her arm. "I don't know how you do it, but I can't be mad at you."
Rainbow Dash put on a triumphant smile and glanced at him. "Because I'm awesome, and you know it."
"Don't push it, girl." He said smirking.
Big Mac tried to reproach her for her arrogance, but Dash threw herself on top of him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Big Mac lost his balance and fell on the couch as Rainbow Dash kissed him.
"I know I gave you blue balls back in the store, but I'm going to fix that." She said smirking to immediately begin to kiss his neck and unbutton his shirt.
Big Mac for his part ran his hands over Dash's body, focusing on her well toned buttocks. Rainbow Dash stripped off her shirt and tossed it to the ground, exposing only a sports bra.
Big Mac let himself be done, laying his head on the back of the couch as she kissed his neck and ran her hands over his abs. Her kisses and caresses went down, leaving a trail of marks and saliva all over the farmer's abdomen until she knelt between his legs.
Big Mac looked up slightly only to meet Rainbow Dash's magenta eyes staring at him lustfully, laden with lewd intentions.
She may have been on her knees in front of him, but at that moment she felt in control of the situation, she knew that young Apple was at her mercy. Without further ado, she unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, releasing his already semi-erect member . She squeezed with her right hand from base to head without breaking eye contact for a second, lubricating him with a thread of pre-cum. Big Mac grunted and Dash smiled triumphantly at him.
She felt special satisfaction when Mac could not bear the pleasure and closed his eyes when she introduced his member in her mouth, holding one hand to the sofa and with the other stroking her lover's rainbow hair.
She sucked in a slow and tortuous way, playing with circular movements of her tongue on the farmer's glans, occasionally deepthroating without gagging.
At the time, Big Mac didn't know what turned him on the most, being getting a blowjob from Rainbow Dash or seeing her giving him one. He was in the clouds, wishing that moment would never come to an end.
However, he soon felt the tension inside him, as if he were going to explode.
"Dash, I'm almost there." He tried to warn the girl, but she ignored him and continued with her work.
"Oh… shit."
Try as he might, he couldn't take it anymore, and growling like an animal he came hard into Rainbow Dash's mouth .
Big Mac was in a trance, eyes closed and breathing like he'd run a marathon. When he slowly opened them, he saw Rainbow Dash standing there smiling triumphantly as she wiped a trickle of cum that fell from her lip.
He didn't know why, but that gesture struck him as the most erotic thing he'd ever seen, and in an unorthodox way, young Apple stripped off his pants and boxers and lifted Dash in his arms like a newly married bride.
"Room, now!" He said.
"Wow, I see you with energy, stud." Said Dash.
"Eyup, it's your turn, and I hope you're ready, because I'm going to destroy you." Said Big Mac with lust in his eyed.
"Oh… is that a threat?" Asked Dash looking at him defiantly.
"Nope, it's a damn promise."
And without saying another word, they entered Mac's room, ready to shake the walls.
"So you knew that Spades Hoofield from Applelachia." Sunset Shimmer said taking a sip of her beer.
“Yeah, we were… partners. I saw him this week, but he told me that he was leaving to, I quote, 'find a sucker with money to invest in his future'. Who'd ever have imagined that the sucker would be Filthy Rich?" I said laughing at the situation.
"What do you mean by partners?" Sunset asked with a suspicious look.
"Oh well… you know, we had a little bussiness there in Applelachia." I said getting a little nervous.
"What kind of bussiness?" I didn't answer, the truth is that I didn't dare tell Sunset about that part of my past. "Bourbon... what were you up to?" However, I couldn't resist that questioning look. This girl was worse than my mother.
"Awright! We did things that... were quite frowned upon... tobacco and weed smuggling, bootlegging, illegal gambling... "
"Bourbon!" Shouted Sunset dumbfounded. "You are a criminal."
"Hey hey! Don't get crazy. I was in a very bad time, my father had just died, my stepmother was trying to take away my inheritance, and I did a lot of stupid things... but I don't think 'criminal' is the right word for me either."
"Bourbon, what you were doing was a crime, you could have ended up in prison."
"Look, let me get this straight, what we were doing, was it legal? Of course not, dammit. But do you know what was our real offense? That we didn't pay taxes. Sunset, the state is the first to have profit with taxes on tobacco, alcohol and gambling, why can politicians get money and I can't? We were moonshining, we grew tobacco and marijuana... we worked very hard, but we didn't pay politicians. His thing is extortion, they weren't different from the McColt thugs."
"Bourbon, don't use that anarcho-capitalist slang on me, you know that was wrong." Sunset said replying.
"I'm sorry, officer." I replied sarcastically. "Look, I don't pretend to be a martyr or something like that, but I don't think we did anything wrong either, people use tobacco and alcohol anyway, you should know better than anyone by now, what difference does it make who they buy it from. Plus…” I ducked behind the bar and pulled out a jug and two glasses. "My corn whiskey has always been of great quality, check it out." I said as I poured some into both glasses.
Sunset drank hers and winced.
"By Celestia! This is not whiskey, it's tupertine."
“Of course it's strong, it's homemade. But wait for the taste." I said smiling mischievously.
"Well, when the aftertaste of alcohol goes, it is quite delicious."
"Anyway, Sunset, I'll tell you about my teenage years in Applelachia another day if you want, but I'm tired and I have something to do before I go home."
Without further ado, Sunset left and I finished gathering things up and looking for a bottle of wine from the warehouse. There was someone who needed comfort.
I headed to the apartment I was looking for. I rang the bell, but I wasn't recieved by who I was expecting.
"Bourbon, what are you doing here?" Asked Sweetie Belle. She was groomed and freshly made up, as if she was getting ready to go out.
"Hi Sweetie B, is your sister at home?" I asked for.
“Yes, but she didn't leave her room since she arrived. Do you know what happened? " She asked in a worried tone as I made my way in.
"It's a long story, I think best you hear it from her."
"Okay, well, I'm leaving, I'm meeting some friends downtown. Bye."
Sweetie Belle left and I knocked on Rarity's bedroom door.
"Sweetie Belle I told you I want to be alone." Said Rarity from the other side of the door.
"I'm not Sweetie Belle." I said.
I heard footsteps and the door opened.
"Bourbon!" She said surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"
“I want to build a snowman. What do you think? I came over to check on you." It's a shame that I can't give up sarcasm even now, it's a defect I have.
“Thanks Bourbon, but I think I need to be alone. Go away, please. " Rarity made a move to close the door, but I blocked it with my hand.
“Rarity , I ain't come to judge you, I just want to talk; I'm your friend, and I am a psychologist, you can trust me." At that moment I showed the bottle of wine. "Would you like a drink?"
Rarity seemed to hesitate, but opened the door and went to the kitchen from where she got a couple of glasses. Then he motioned for me to sit on the couch.
Once we were on the couch, relaxed over the wine, she told me about the financial problems she had been having lately. She felt desperate, because she could loose the boutique and the offer of the consul seemed the easiest solution.
"Rarity, why didn't you tell us you had problems?" I asked for.
"Because I didn't want to worry anyone, I thought I could get out of this by myself, but now I realize the mistake I made." Rarity hid her face with both hands.
I looked away not knowing exactly what to do, but then I had a revelation. I took from my pocket an envelope that I had brought from Applelachia.
"Here, Rarity, take this." I said handing her the envelope.
"What is this?" She asked.
"A little help."
When she opened the envelope to see its contents, Rarity's eyes widened, and she let out a gasp.
"But… Bourbon, how much money is there here?" She asked dumbfounded.
“The last time I checked there was $ 12,000. I hope it would be enough to pay off your debts."
"To pay off debts? With this I have for the entrance of a new boutique! No, darling, I cannot accept it. " She said trying to give me the envelope back. I just stopped her.
“No, Rarity , look we all need help from time to time. You are always generous with others, I think it's time for us to be generous with you. You'll return it to me when you can, there is no rush."
"Bourbon, I... I don't know what to say..." Rarity was speechless, and her eyes were shining, not with sadness, but with emotion.
“Just promise me that you won't lower yourself like that again if you're in trouble. Look, I consider myself an open-minded person, and if you decided to dedicate yourself to THAT, on your own free will, I would not oppose, indeed, I would support you; but I don't want you to be forced to do anything you don't want to. " I said as I finished my glass of wine.
"Not as long as I have friends to support me." She said smiling at me. Then he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was paralyzed. “Thank you very much Bourbon, I assure you that I will return it to you. Thank you."
"You're welcome dear, that's what we're here for." It was the only thing I managed to say. "Well, I'd better go, it's been a tough day and I need to rest." I went to the door accompanied by Rarity . "Rest well."
"You too darling." She said, she opened the door for me and I went to my apartment.
They say that you should never mix money with friendship, because you run the risk of losing both, but in this case it was worth the risk.
When I got home all I wanted was to get into bed and sleep, however, it didn't seem like it would be possible...
"Oh yeah! Mac, harder! " I heard a scream coming from Big Mac's room.
"Shit, here we go again..." I said sighing and cursing being wall to wall with those two.
The next day I woke up and went straight to the coffee maker. I really needed a strong coffee after last night.
Shortly after pouring myself a cup of that caffeine-laden liquid, I heard Big Mac's door opening. Rainbow Dash came to towards me yawning, totally disheveled and wearing only that Big Mac's t-shirt that was ridiculously large on her; well, to be honest I doubt we can keep saying that that shirt is Mac's anymore.
"Morning, Dash." I said taking a sip of coffee.
"Morning, Bourbon." She said stretching.
"I take it you and Mac cleared everything up."
"You can't even imagine, in the end he understood that yesterday was just a series of misunderstandings."
"Well why don't you sit down in the stool and tell me?" I said.
"Uhm… on second thought, I'd rather not, Bourbon." She said rubbing her butt in a subtle way. "Let's say yesterday... I was destroyed."
"Ok, Dash, TMI." I said wanting to erase that image from my head. "Anyway, coffee, tea or cocoa?"
I walked into the pub ready for a new day with drunkards and pints of beer. After the incident with the Prench consul, things were quite normal and luckily the routine continued as usual.
Actually, after everything that happened, the only thing that seemed weird to me was that Discord hadn't been in the way somehow.
As Sunset and I were setting the tables, our first customer came in: Thunderlane.
"Morning, Thunderlane." I said cheerfully.
"Good morning Bourbon, good morning Sunset." He replied.
"Thunderlane, how are you doing?" Asked Sunset.
"Well, I'm fine, trying to disconnect of my parents." He said as he sat down on a stool. I was surprised that he brought up the subject of his parents just like that. It was an indication that he wanted to talk about it. "Bourbon, can you put me a mocha coffee?"
"Right away, and what’s the problem with your parents?" I asked encouraging him to tell us.
"They're having issues, my mother has been distracted lately and my paranoid father thinks she's having an affair." Thunderlane explained to me.
"Wow, I'm so sorry, man." I said as I turned on the coffee pot to serve a cappuccino with cocoa.
"Don't worry Thunderlane, it won’t be nothing, you’ll see." Sunset said putting a hand on his shoulder.
"For now, my father is looking for a psychologist to do family therapy." At that moment my alarms went off, but Sunset had to speak.
"Hey, Bourbon is a psychologist, why don't you ask him to do therapy for you?" She said.
"What? No, I'm just…” I tried to answer, but the words didn't come out.
"Would you do it, Bourbon?" Thunderlane asked happily.
"Sunset, may I speak with you for a second?" I said asking my waitress to join me at the other end of the pub. "Sunset, you out of your mind? I 've never done this kind of therapy in my life, damn it.
“But boss, what’s the problem? He is a friend who needs help." Said Sunset.
"Sunset, I don't think Thunderlane and I are THAT close..."
"Even better, that way you don't have so much emotional bond." She said smiling, aware that she had found a good argument.
“Ah… shit. I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to convince me to do these crazy things."
Sunset smiled triumphantly and we went back with Thunderlane.
“Hey Thunderlane, I've thought about it and, okay, I'll give you family counseling; but no promises.”
"Thanks Bourbon, I hope it can calm things down." He said excitedly.
"Well, for now come this afternoon, with your parents, and your brother, I will attend you in petit committee."
Thunderlane, finished his coffee, paid, and left.
Throughout the morning we received visits from a few other regular patrons, such as Discord, Zephyr and Flash.
"Wow, so you went to the police station because they found a dead consul in your pub and I wasn't there?" Asked Discord. "I always seem to miss out on fun."
“Shut up, we had an awful time. What was still not clear to me is who was the guy who pretended to shoot Rich." I said still in doubt.
"It was me." Flash said suddenly leaving us all with a surprised face. "Don't look at me like that, Sunset asked me as a favor, so I put on a wig, grabbed a blank pistol, and started acting."
"Fuck Flash, you’ve fooled us all." Zephyr said as he drank from his beer.
Then someone came through the door. A slim dark blue haired guy dressed in jeans and an aviator jacket.
"Hey fellas, how long!" He said.
"Soarin! What are you doing here?" Flash yelled happy to see him.
Soarin Nimbus, I think the last time I saw him in the pub was at the opening party, but I didn't pay much attention. He was once a member of the Canterlot High School soccer team, but I never got to know him at the time. For all he knew, he was for a time a fuck-buddy of Rainbow Dash, but left as both were enlist in the Air Force.
Speak of the Devil, she appeared through the door and hurried to the bar.
"Bourbon, please give me a coffee to go, I'm late for the base." Rainbow said without paying attention to her surroundings.
"Hey, Dashie, how you doing?" Said Soarin getting her attention.
Dash widened her eyes and turned her head to whoever had called her.
"Soarin?" She asked and after checking it with her eyes, she hugged him tightly. "What are you doing here? Is this your return?"
"Yes, it is, I got reassigned to Cloudsdale AFB, we’re gonna be companions again." Soarin said with a smile.
"That's great! We can meet in the canteen later and catch up. " Said Dash.
"Or y'all can come to my pub, I need money too." I said to which the rest laughed.
"Well Dash, off base, whatever you want, but remember I'm your superior; at the base I will be Lieutenant Soarin for ya. " He said defiantly.
"Oh, yeah? That doesn't suit you, leave the air of authority to Captain Spitfire. " She said smiling mischievously.
The coffeepot finished brewing and I poured Dash the coffee in a to-go cup.
"Well, I'm going to the base, are you coming Soarin?"
"I'll catch you later, I still have to talk with these guys a bit." He said.
"As you wish, but don't come to me crying if Spitfire asks for your ass on a silver platter." After laughing, the rainbow haired girl left.
"Wow, it looks like nothing has changed." Soarin said taking a sip of his beer.
"You'd be surprised..." I said more to myself than to him.
"Soarin, you haven't paid for the beer yet." Sunset said.
"Here you go, Sunset." He said pulling out some money. "By the way, did I tell you that you are still as beautiful as you were in high school?"
"Are you flirting with me or do you want me to give you a discount?" She asked laughing. "It won’t work for you in any case."
We all laughed at that moment, while Soarin just shrugged and said, "I had to try."
"Hey man, cut yourself a little bit, she's Flash's ex." I said jokingly, but with a serious tone.
"Yes, at least wait until he is gone." Zephyr said and started laughing.
"Fuck you, Zeph." The blue-haired rocker replied.
"Hey, do you know if there’s any apartment for sale or for rent in this area?" Asked Soarin.
"Well, I'd swear Rich has one in our building, you could ask him." I said.
"Great, give me his phone and I'll talk to him."
“Hey, I’m looking for a roommate.” Said Flash. “Why don’t you come with me. Soarin?”
“That would be awesome!”
“Wait, are you renting rooms?” Asked Zephyr. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m desperate to leave my parents’ house!”
“Zeph, how are you going to leave your parents’ house if you don’t work?” I asked the obvious.
“I have some savings, also I get the dole.” Explain Fluttershy’s brother.
“Well, if you think you can do it, come with us. At least we can share expenses.” Said Flash, which Zephyr smiled excited.
We kept chatting for a while, but Flash seemed too quiet.
"Flash, hey, you've barely said a word since you've been here." I said as I saw how it took an hour to drink a coffee and eat a croissant.
"What? Oh, sorry, I was distracted…” He said and then looked away from the croissant and laughed. "Have you noticed? It looks like a tit.
Faced with that occurrence, Discord, Zephyr and I stared at him strangely.
"Can't you see it?" He asked starting to get nervous. " It is shaped like a left tit... and here the nipple." Flash was making the emphasis with the croissant in his hand.
"Sure, yeah... a tit." Zephyr said. "Bourbon, tell Joe not to let Flash into his place to glaze his donuts."
We all laughed; the truth is that Zephyr only said what we all thought.
“Zephyr, you always think wrong. I have only seen a resemblance, if I get my dick wet or not is not of your titness. Business!" Flash had a mistake, but it was too late to rectify, we were already laughing.
"He said it, he said it..." I said.
"Flash, don't fool us, you're hotter than a baboon in heat." Discord said.
“Come on Flash, you can trust us, and Sunset is on her break. How long has it been since…?” I wanted to ask.
“Bourbon, as I said, that's none of your business. Besides, it is not so bad, I am not a sicko who is thinking about sex all day... "
"Hey, Flash, if you need it, I have a collection of magazines that may be able to help you, I don't know if you understand me." Zephyr said in a whisper.
"Look, I'm leaving ..."
Flash reluctantly paid and left. The truth is that I had to admit that I understood what he was going through. I spent a very long time without any kind of action and ain’t really that pleasant. Although the real problem comes when you end up getting used to celibacy.
In the afternoon I was waiting with Thunderlane, and soon his father and his little brother, Rumble, arrived.
"Dad, I don't understand what we're doing here." Rumble complained.
"We are going to try family therapy, and your brother has recommended this psychologist to me." Said their father, a man called Thuderstorm.
"But how does family therapy work?" Rumble asked again.
"Very simple, you sit with me and talk about your problems at home." I explained so as not to complicate things further.
"Rumble, I just ask for a little cooperation." Asked his father.
"Well, Bourbon, you're gonna to lose your mind." Said Thunderlane.
"Dad, listen, do you think this is the best way to fix our family?" Rumble asked .
"Look, all I want to know is if your mother is cheating on me or not."
Shortly after the boys' mother, named Pluvia, arrived at the pub; She looked like a carefree woman, like an ex-hippie who tries to fit in society again.
"Hi honey, look, this is the therapist."
"Really? He looks like the bartender to me." She said innocently.
"Yes, but my psychology degree is totally valid." I said trying to ease the tension. "Go sit at a table, now I'm going."
The family took a seat, with the parents at both ends and their sons in the middle. I took a chair, my notebook, a pencil and proceeded to start therapy.
"Well, you have come to try to fix this family through honesty and communication." I said.
"That's right, honesty is very important." Said Thunderstorm looking at his wife, who looked as lost as an octopus in a garage.
"Pluvia, do you really want to save your marriage?" I asked for.
"Of course, that's what I wanted to talk to my husband about, but it's not easy." She said laughing.
"Well, that's what I'm here for, to help you break down barriers." I decided to approach it differently and addressed the youngest of the brothers. " Rumble, how do you see your parents' relationship right now?"
"Sorry Bourbon, but I think this is bullshit." Rumble said bluntly, being rebuked with a gesture by his father.
"Come on, make an effort." I said.
"Well, I think that my father is an insensitive ass, and my mother has long since she moved to another planet." Interesting, father unable to understand the feelings of his children and wife, and absent mother focused on herself.
"What my son means is that there is no way with my wife..." Thunder said suddenly.
"Don't speak for your son, Thunder, and don't look at me, speak to your wife."
Thunder looked at his wife. "Pluvia, there are times, almost always, that I feel like you no longer care about me."
"But, Thunder, you were the one who started to stop paying attention to me." She said, but not angry, but as if the accusation amused her.
"Because I was too focused on business, I just wanted to show you that you had married with a successful man."
"But that has never mattered to me..."
"Hey, this is working, you guys are talking." Thunder said excitedly, to which I made a gesture for him not to interrupt them.
"Besides, I feel like you're hiding something from me..." Thunder said with a questioning look.
Pluvia's gaze did not go unnoticed by me, it went from carefree to nervousness in a nanosecond. He looked at her children and then she looked at me.
"Pluvia, don't you have anything to say?" I asked trying to break the ice. “If you have saved something, this is the moment.
"Come on mom ..." Thunderlane said.
"Yes, the truth is that there is a little thing." She said gesturing with her fingers.
“Open up, Pluvia, don't be afraid. There is nothing so serious that it cannot be solved." I said. However, what came next stunned me.
"Thunderlane is not your son."
We were all quiet for 3 seconds that seemed like forever. Thunder didn't react and the older brother was the same.
"What?" Said Thunderlane with a poker face.
"Well, I think that's all for today." I said nervously getting up from the chair. “I can’t stay any longer, Sunset is alone and there are many patrons to attend. Drinks on the house for y’all."
And I got the hell out of there before the storm swept me away.
"Well, it went good, right?" Rumble said trying to downplay what happened.
"What?" Thunderlane repeated.
At the bar with Sunset, she asked me how it was, I just gave her a sour face: "I'm in a lot of trouble now, Sunset."
The next day, while I was washing a glass and chatting with Discord, Flash appeared with an unfriendly face. When I asked him why he was in a bad mood, he explained that it had to do with Zephyr appearing near his workplace.
Apparently, Zephyr was trying to convince Flash to buy a late-model refrigerator, now they were going to be roommates, and Flash got tired of saying no.
“And because of Zephyr my boss asked me if I hadn't done it for a long time. My boss!" Flash said indignantly. "Do you really think it's affecting me?"
I poured Flash a drink and when he took the first sip, he spat it out.
"Bourbon, I asked you for a black coffee, not with milk!" He said really pissed.
"Well, maybe it’s affecting you a little. Just saying." I said removing the cup.
"Flash, man to man, you should hook up with a girl." Discord said.
“I don't know, I’ve never really liked one-night stands; before I like to fall in love, meet the girl and once we have confidence..."
I was about to make a scathing comment as Flash was obviously insecure about women, but Discord beat me to it.
“Sure, and you will take action when you are both in the geriatric. Flash, you’re young, you can meet a girl, take her home..."
"But it’s just, it feels so empty..." Nothing, Flash did not give his arm to twist.
"Flash, Semen retentum, venenum est .” I said.
“Pardon?” He asked confused.
“Backed up spunk is a poison.” Said Discord while Flash was poker-faced.
“What I’m trying to say is that if I were you, I wouldn't wait too long. " I said. So, I decided to point to a patron who was on the other side of the pub. "Mike has been sexless for three years and look how he is."
Discord and Flash looked at a tall guy, watching the pub's television, paying no attention to anything.
"Well, doesn't seem that bad to mee." Discord said.
"No, that's not him, I'm talking about the one guy behind." When the previous man moved away, he revealed another bald guy, leaning against with both elbows propped on the bar, with a defeated expression, his shirt wrinkled and a cigarette in his hand. "And he's only thirty years old."
"That guy is thirty years old!?" Flash asked scared. “Well, that’s an extreme case. Zephyr lives without sex and he is perfectly fine."
Suddenly, Fluttershy's brother walked into the pub and headed over to the bar to talk to me.
"Bourbon! Are you interested in buying a Freeze-O-matic 50-50? " He asked, supplicating. "It is the most important thing in my life, I need it!"
"Buying something 50-50 with you? Not even drunk, Zephyr." I said.
That certainly pathetic scene was enough for Flash to take out his cell phone to call a friend.
"Soarin, this is Flash. Make no plans tonight, we're going hunting."
Flash seemed convinced, and no wonder, no one in their right mind would want to end up like Zephyr Breeze, but we would have to see how it ended.
A while later, Thunderlane appeared, and to be honest he looked horrible, in the same clothes as yesterday, scruffy and grumpy.
"Thunderlane, are you okay?" I asked for.
"What do you think?" He answered sharply.
Man, how was he going to be? Yesterday it was revealed that he was an illegitimate son and without any kind of tact.
"Would you like to tell me what happened?"
He seemed hesitant, but in the end, he agreed...
Thunderlane was standing in the living room, facing his mother, while his father was lying on the couch with an ice pack on his head.
"Mom, I'm not leaving here until you tell me who my real father is." Thunderlane said angrily.
“Again, what difference does it make to you? That was a long time ago." Pluvia replied. "Thunder, how are you feeling?"
"Dizzy..." He replied.
"Mom, I'm still waiting." Said Thunderlane.
"Jaroslav, his name is Jaroslav..." Pluvia said bowing to her son.
"Jaroslav?! But... that's Russian. " Thunderlane said without giving credit.
“I met him in Poneland when I was a volunteer with the Red Cross. He was a member of Solidarity, and well, I had a dumb night..."
"Great, this is fucking awesome…" Thunderstorm said getting up and pulling the bag off his head.
"Thunder, we were just dating at the time, we weren't married yet." Pluvia said.
"Of course! We got married because you got pregnant." Thunderstorm yelled.
"So, you are the son of a Ponish trade unionist?" Rumble said unable to hold back his laughter.
"Rumble! It's not funny…” Said his mother.
"Fuck, dad, you couldn't have stood still, we were pretty fine with our crisis." Thunderlane said indignantly.
"Shut up, you’re not my son..." Thunderstorm said ignoring his 'not son' and heading towards Rumble." Rumble, we have to make up for lost time."
"Oh, hell no, don't drag me into this." Rumble said, pulling away. “Besides, who knows, maybe I'm not your son either.
"No, you do are." Pluvia said.
“I, I need to go away and think." Thunderlane said about to walk out the door.
"Pluvia, can you tell me what are we going to do now?" Thunder asked.
"I don't know, let's give therapy a chance, maybe we can advance something." She said.
"Even more?" Thunderstorm asked.
"Wow... well, this is tense." I said.
"Yeah, no kidding..." Thunderlane replied.
It was obvious that Thunderstorm had developed hostility towards Thunderlane as the material manifestation of his wife's infidelity; he felt betrayed and blamed Thunderlane for being the result of said betrayal.
"Look, man, bring your family at the afternoon and we’ll see what we do, we must find a solution to this problem..."
"Do you think a problem like this has a solution?" Asked Discord.
"I don't know, but you have to try, besides, his father pays me for that." I answered.
While I waited for Thunderlane's family to arrive at the pub, I prepared the table where I would serve them.
"Actually boss, I did not imagine that Thunderlane’s family was so..." Sunset said.
“Save it Sunset. I already knew this was a bad idea from the beginning, but I’m in this already. I can't back down. " I said.
"Why don't you send them to another psychologist? Let someone who works in this field take care of it. " Sunset asked.
"Like I said, it's a bit late for that."
Thunderlane, Rumble, and their parents arrived shortly after, and I motioned for them to sit at the same table as yesterday.
"Okay, yesterday you skipped about a year of therapy and, although I’m in favor of finishing things quickly, this is overdoing it." I said while going over the notes from the day before. " You have to bear in mind that an infidelity, even if it manifests itself in an illegitimate son, is not so important, especially after having been married for almost thirty years."
"That's what I was saying." Said Pluvia.
"Thunderlane, how do you feel?" I asked the most affected.
"Me? Fucking great." He replied sarcastically. "It turns out that my father is not my father, and what's more, he now completely ignores me."
"Now he’s bugging me, which is worse." Rumble added.
"Thunderstorm, this ain't the way, you have to overcome that hostility you have developed towards Thunderlane." I told the father of the family.
"I know, I do try, but..." he looked away at Thunderlane. "It's just… I look at him and he reminds me more and more of Lech Wałęsa."
Thunderlane grimaced and looked at his mother. "Thanks mom, couldn't you have shut up?"
"Hey, what did you want me to do? Bourbon told me to open up and I opened up." Pluvia said.
"Thunder, don't you have nothing to say to your wife?" I asked.
"What am I supposed to tell her?" He said with a frustrated shrug.
"Okay, let's try another approach." I said believing having found the solution. “We're going to use some role-playing. We are going to pretend that I'm your wife, and you will tell me whatever you want."
Thunder looked at me, it looked like he was going to open up. "Pluvia?" He asked smiling.
"Yes?"
I was calm, but Thunder changed his expression in a second and got up going towards me...
"Damn bitch, thirty years cheated!" He screamed as he strangled me.
"Sunset, help!" I screamed as I tried to get Thundestorm off me and his sons grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Thunder! Let him go, or let her go, or let me go... or I don't know, this is so confusing." Pluvia said scratching her head.
After shaking me for a while, Thunderlane and Rumble managed to get their father off me. Obviously, I decided to finish therapy early and take a break.
I was at the bar smoking a cigarrette, with a glass full of whiskey and two buttons on my shirt unbuttoned. Only I was working, as I had let Sunset rest a bit so she could be with Soarin and Flash on the other side of the bar.
"And what about that one? She’s really hot." Said Sunset suddenly, making the three of us look at her strangely. "What? I’m just trying to fit in."
"Come on Flash, go and get one chick." Soarin said encouragingly.
"Relax and enjoy, man, there are some pretty girls in here." I said taking a puff.
"Okay, I'll do my best." Flash said determined. "But how? It's just that I haven't done this for so long and I’m a little bit out of my element."
"Flash, calm down, girls don't bite, there's no reason to be afraid of us." Said Sunset.
Suddenly a boy came up to Sunset and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey excuse me."
"Can't you see we're having a conversation? Thanks." She replied very rude, causing the guy to retreat. The three of us stared at her poker-faced. "Like I said, there’s no reason to be afraid of us."
Although Sunset's attitude might have intimidated Flash a bit, he headed to the center of the pub in search of a one-night stand.
"Well, place your bets." I said watching our friend.
Flash approached a blonde girl and smiled at her, but it was when he opened his mouth when he screwed up.
"Hello my name is Flash Sentry, I am 27 years old, I play the guitar and studied fine arts in college but I work in an office." He said quickly. Then he pointed us to, well, Sunset more specifically. "Those are my friends and my ex-girlfriend, but we get along really well."
The girl left with the face of having smelled something bad. Flash turned to us who looked at him strangely.
"Well, don’t worry, you don’t have to succeed the first time." Soarin said.
"Flash, try to be a little more direct next time, and avoid that we were a thing." Sunset said.
With the next girl he sat at a table and tried to be less formal.
"You don't have to tell me anything about yourself, I'm not from the Agency." Flash said laughing and trying to be funny. "I... all I want is sex, just sex without love..." The girl left, and with good reason if you ask me.
Sunset put her hands to her head, Soarin facepalmed, and I just took a swig of my whiskey. Flash came back to us.
"Flash, being blunt is fine, but you've overdid it." I said.
"Fuck, this isn't that easy." The blue haired boy protested. "Let's see the next one."
He tried several times, but nothing, all attempts ended the same. In the end he was left alone with me and Sunset, because Soarin was… busy.
"I have tried everything and nothing happened... it looks like I’ve lost practice." He said defeated. "I don't understand how he does it." Flash pointed to Soarin who was on the other side of the pub making out with a girl.
"I don't understand how you could have lost so many beautiful girls." I said.
"I don't know, it may be that women smell fear, like wolves." Flash said.
"Don't worry, Flash, what happens is that you make it more complicated than it really is." Sunset said trying to cheer him up. "In the end good things come to those who wait, you have to insist."
Again, the boy from before caught Sunset's attention by touching her shoulder. "Hey, I’m sorry but…"
"I said no!" She answered sharply and he left resigned once more and we looked at her with fear.
With everything that happened that day coming home after closing the pub was by far the best thing I did.
I threw myself on the couch, opened a cold beer, and started playing the console. I hadn't even realized that someone was in the bathroom. It was Big Mac, who came out with a towel tied around his waist while he dried his hair with another.
"Hello Bourbon." Mac said.
"Hi, Mac. Wanna play some videogames?" Come on, it's been a long time since you and I did something together."
"Eyup." He replied, stoic as always.
Big Mac and I played video games while we talked about our day.
"And basically, that happened to me with Thunderlane and his family." I said while Big Mac laughed. "Do you think it’s normal?"
"Nope." He Answered. "So... Soarin is back." Maybe it was the way he said it, but it caught my attention.
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"Oh, nothin'..." He said looking away, while I arched an eyebrow.
"He and Rainbow Dash are getting along really well." I commented to see his reaction, which was feigned indifference. "Mac, what about you and Dash?"
Big Mac seemed to hesitate, but in the end, he answered me. "I don’t know. I mean, I know we are friends with rights, but... sometimes I wonder if this would go any further."
"Would you like it to be so?" I asked, pausing the game now that the conversation was interesting.
"I don't know, Bourbon, I still think of Sugar Belle, and honestly, I don't know if I'm ready to start a relationship." There was nothing more to say, Big Mac was obviously afraid of being hurt again. That was such a common thing in people that it scares. What I couldn't understand is how I could keep thinking about Sugar Belle despite all the pain she caused him.
I didn't want to push Mac anymore, so I cut off the conversation and we kept playing.
After a while we went to bed because we would have another day of work tomorrow.
That same morning Discord, Flash, Pinkie, Sunset, and me were at the pub. We were talking about Flash's nefarious flirting attempt last night.
"Come on Flash, why don't you try again?" Discord asked.
"Look, I don't want to, I need confidence to flirt." Flash seemed blunt and took a sip of his coffee.
And at that moment an idea occurred to me.
"Hey, Sunset, how long has it been since you… you know?" I asked her.
"What do you care?" She asked indignantly.
I gave her a mischievous look. Suddenly, both Flash and Sunset realized of what was going through my head.
"Oh no, that would be very awkward." Flash said blushing.
"Yes, I remind you that Flash and I broke up a long time ago." Sunset said.
"And why would that be a problem?" Pinkie Pie replied.
"That's what I say, look, you trust each other, you are the same age..." I explained. " Sunset, it's hard for you to find guys in your league, and Flash is handsome, he's not bald..."
"Look, Bourbon, you better discard that." Sunset said.
"Such yourselves, but sex is not something to refrain from." Discord said.
"That's true, I don't have that problem." Pinkie said smiling.
"No shit..." I said looking away. "Anyway, I'm going to get ready, now it's time for therapy."
"Do you still intend to treat Thunderlane's family?" Discord asked.
"They pay well." I said shrugging.
And so Pluvia and Thunderstorm arrived and sat at the usual table.
"Just for the record, I have agreed to this because I don’t want to leave therapy halfway and for Thunderlane." I said looking at the marriage.
"I'm sorry, tensions are high, but I assure you that we are a normal family." Thunder said.
Soon Thunderlane and Rumble arrived, the former carrying a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
"What are you doing with that bag, son?" Pluvia asked.
"I've had enough, I'm going to Poneland to look for my father." Said Thunderlane very determined, I just ran my hand over my face.
“And what will you do when you find him? Say ‘I am your son’?" Rumble said imitating Darth Vader and laughing.
Thunderlane grabbed his brother by the neck, and they began to fight until Thunderstorm got up and separated them.
"Boys, please!" Yelled Thunder. " Thunderlane, listen to me, I know I've reacted awful, but I want you to know that I will continue to treat you the same way as before, and that you will always be my son, no matter what." He said holding him by the cheeks.
"Thanks Dad." Thunderlane said smiling, and Pluvia too. "But I'm going to Poneland to find my father."
Thunderstorm dropped his arms in resignation. And so Thunderlane picked up the duffel and prepared to leave.
"Jaroslav Podkowa, from Cracoltvia, visits the Gothic basilica, it is beautiful, 14th century." Said Pluvia.
"Hey, Rumble, where are you going?" Asked his father.
"I'm going to accompany him to the airport, see you guys later."
I already lost what little patience I had and started to collect my things. "Well, I think there’s nothing else to see here."
"But weren't you saying you didn't want to stop therapy halfway?" Pluvia asked.
"Yes, but I’ve already finished." I said.
"Hey, Bourbon, you promised to treat our family." Thunder said.
"Which family?!" I screamed indignantly. "The one that falls apart due to all the emotional deficiencies it has? Look Thunderstorm, I know you very little, but what I have been able to deduce from your family is that you are a self-conscious guy who has focused on business to try to have a life that does not come, perhaps due to incompetence, or perhaps bad luck, I don't know."
Thundersorm lowered his head...
“And Pluvia, is a woman who, by not getting the attention she apparently needed, became absorbed in a world of her own to the point of neglecting her sons in a way that I would not hesitate to describe as selfish, ignoring the fact that even her first-born son it’s a bastard, no offense here. No wonder Rumble is in his own head and Thunderlane tries to be the glue of his parents' marriage, well not even that now. Do you want my advice? Get divorced or try to fix everything I've told you, but don't drag me into this nonsense anymore because I'm not drunk enough to bear it. "
Both Pluvia and Thunder were silent. It seemed that what I told them had affected them because they did not know whether to look at me, each other or anywhere.
"Maybe... maybe my problem was a lack of communication." Thunder said.
"And I may have abstracted from everything without thinking about how it affected others." Pluvia said.
Thunder walked over to his wife and grabbed her hands. "Pluvia, why don't we start from scratch?"
"Do you think it will work?"
"At least we can try."
Wow, maybe there was still hope for those two. Pluvia and Thunder sealed that deal with a kiss. “Hey, I was thinking of an idea for a business that will be amazing: a paternity test that is sold in pubs and newsstands; we could make a fortune out of this."
Well, nobody said that changes were easy...
I went back to the bar to serve my patrons. Sunset seemed satisfied after having seen what I’d done with Thunderlane's parents.
"Very good boss, in the end you got it." Sunset said. "Hey, was all that you told them earlier reverse psychology?"
"I don't know... I mean, of course!" I thought for a second. “I don’t know, Sunset. I just said what I felt at the time. If you'll excuse me, I think I deserve a pint."
It was these kinds of things that I was grateful for working in a pub and not as a full-time psychologist, I should have listened to my cousin when he told me to study history or criminology. To this day I still wonder if I made the right choice studying psychology, it’s not that I’m not interested in the human mind, on the contrary, it is a fascinating subject; but if I had to put up with situations, like the one I had with Thunderlane and his family, I would jump off a bridge.
I decided it was time for a (in my opinion) a well deserved pint of beer. Meanwhile Flash was drinking seemed distracted, I assumed he was thinking about what I said of him and Sunset.
"Flash, are you ok?" Asked Sunset.
Flash got scared and almost chocked with his beer.
"Easy there, swallow, don't spit." Said Sunset, but Flash looked at her surprised as she blushed. "The beer! I mean the beer."
"Don't worry." Said Flash. "Can you serve me another beer, please, I'm pretty needed." Another dead silence. "For a drink, I mean."
"Big or small?" Said Sunset. At that moment I hardly could contain my laughter. "The glass."
"I don't care, size it's not important." Answered Flash as Sunset went for a pint glass blushing hard.
"Sunset, can you help me with some boxes of cider." I asked trying to release her from that embarrasing situation.
"Ok, I'm coming." Flash spat his beer again. "I mean, I'm heading out."
Sunset run to the storage as I laughted like a crazy man.
At that moment Sunset's phone rang and when she answered I realized she was talking to Twilight.
I hadn't seen her in a long time and from what I understood she had gone on vacation with her boyfriend Timber Spruce, with whom she now lived two floors above Sunset and me. I knew Twilight well, not the case for Timber.
"How’s Twilight?" I asked.
"Well, they'll be back from their vacation tomorrow, I’m so excited to see Twilight again!"
Author's Note
Ok, I'm back, sorry for not posting earlier, but I had personal issues, and lack of inspiration; either way, I'll continue this story for anyone who likes it.
Today started as usual, shower, breakfast, and now I was going downstairs smoking a cigarette.
At the main hall I met Sunset Shimmer who seemed to be waiting for someone.
"Good morning, Sunset, who are you waiting for?" I asked her.
“I’m waiting for Twilight, Bourbon; she and Timber are coming back from vacation today.” She said.
"Ah, great, I can't wait to see them." I said.
"See who?" Asked Discord, who appeared out of nowhere for a change accompanied by Ponos.
“Twilight, she’s returning from vacation today." Sunset answered again.
"Let's see how it goes, vacations usually wreak havoc on couples, I know that very well." Discord said.
"You? How do you know about that?" Ponos asked his father.
“I was on my honeymoon; don't you think that's enough?” Ponos simply reacted with a scowl.
At that moment we saw Twilight carrying two suitcases and, for some reason, looked quite upset.
"Could you help with this, it's heavy." Twilight said to Timber Spruce.
"I was paying for the taxi, if you don't mind." He replied. “Why did you take two suitcases if you have spent most of your time in a bathing suit?”
"How things went in the Caribbean lovebirds?" Sunset asked to break the tension.
"Great, just great, with Timber you have a good time anywhere, that’s for sure." Twilight said with marked sarcasm.
"No, wait, now it's my fault, since I was the one who chose the destiny..." Now it was Timber's turn to be sarcastic.
"No, I chose it because you never choose anything." Twilight said.
“Really? I wanted to go to my cousins apartment in Foalida, but she wanted to go to the Caribbean.”
"But it’s a beautiful place to go, isn't it?" Ponos asked confused.
"Which place? The hotel and little else because the rest it’s virgin forest.” Said Timber.
"Timber, people go to rest and sunbathe." Twilight said putting her hands on her head. "He didn't want to do anything, no windsurfing, no diving... nothing."
“And the mosquitoes…holy shit the mosquitoes; They didn't bite you, they raped you." Timber said showing us the bite marks on his arm.
"He slept more times hugging the bug spray than me." Twilight complained, while I imagined that comical scene.
"Damn, they could train them or help you carry the bags."
"But hey, he spent all day drunk drinking mojitos at karaoke." Twilight was clearly pissed.
"What? We had to amortize the all-inclusive."
"Look, just forget it, let's go home and forget this little trip as soon as possible." Twilight said grabbing the bags and heading to the elevator.
"Sure, don't miss it, the conversations end when she says." Timber grabbed another couple of bags and followed Twilight to the elevator.
"Ok, you’ll show us the photos of the trip one of these days." I said finishing my cigarette, with a less serious tone than I intended. "Come on Sunset, let's open the pub."
"You see son, in the end we all end up the same." Discord said to Ponos.
"Really dad, your optimism with people disarms me."
In the pub I was serving some breakfasts and beers and suddenly I was gifted with Rarity’s company.
“Good morning, Bourbon. Could you get me an Earl Gray tea with a splash of milk, please.” She asked.
"Of course. Shall I serve it to you at the bar or at a table?” I asked for.
"At the bar, so you keep me company while I wait."
"Are you meeting someone?"
“Yes, my mother and her cousin. It turns out that her daughter is getting married, and I am designing the fabulous dress for the bride.” She explained to me. "Besides, I'll be going as a guest."
"Well, that's great, wedding dresses cost an arm and a leg, and even more if they are handmade by a great professional like you." I said praising Rarity's professionalism.
"Thank you darling." She said dedicating me a smile.
As I poured tea, I noticed that she was carrying a novel.
"Wow, I didn't know you liked Shadow Spade’s novels." I said picking up the book and looking at the cover.
"I love them, the way she describes the outfits, the mystery...there's a lot of glamour in noir novels."
"I love those kinds of stories, detectives, mobsters, spies, Prohibition... Sometimes I wish the pub had that style, even if it was for a day." At that moment I had a revelation. "That's it! I could do a Noir style theme party, no, better Diesel Punk style, or Atom Punk. Years 40-50ish.”
“That's a great idea darling, this pub would look divine with some Pulp themed decorations.” Rarity said happy for my idea.
"And you could make outfits for this party and promote them in your boutique."
"Are you serious?" Rarity asked with her eyes shining like sapphires.
"Of course, we just have to plan that well."
At that moment two women entered the pub, a plump one with her hair tied up in a high purple bun and another lady with gray, brown hair, and an air of superiority.
"Hello Rarity." Said the lady with the bun.
“Hello mother, hello Bitter Beans. Bourbon, these are my mother Cookie Crumbles and her cousin Bitter Beans.”
"Nice to meet you ladies." I said.
"Oh Rarity, I haven't seen you since you were fourteen, you had a pimpled face, and now look at you, crow's feet and all." Holy fuck that woman, she has no filter.
"Yes, you, on the other hand, are still the same… the same old witch." Rarity said that last while whispering to me.
"You are the famous Bourbon, nice to meet you at last." Said Cookie Crumbles. "Rarity and Sweetie Belle talk a lot about you."
"Everything bad I imagine." I said jokingly.
“You are the owner of the pub, aren't you? Look, I wanted to propose something to you, the place where we were going to celebrate my daughter's wedding has canceled our reservation and we had thought about renting your pub, not that a Lyrish joint is the most suitable place for a wedding, but what are we going to do with the little time we have.”
“Depending on who you ask, at Gallopway Bay is the biggest trend.” I didn't want to mess with that bitch, but I can't stand my pub being messed with.
“Yes, it will be a riot of glamour.” Said Sunset who jumped into the conversation after picking up some glasses.
"With that apron and she talk about glamour." Wow, even Sunset doesn't seem to be immune to insults.
"Well Rarity, your mother is going to pick up the dress this afternoon, I already told her it's a shame you're going alone, but what are we going to do, anyway, give Harry my regards."
Suddenly Rarity looked at her strangely, but before she could say anything, Cookie Crumbles took her out of the pub arguing that she was in a hurry. When the lady left, Rarity turned to her mother.
"Mother, did she say regards to Harry?" Rarity asked.
"No, she said regards to Hondo, yes, it's just that she hasn't seen your father for a long time, too." Rarity's mother answered nervously.
"Mom, I heard perfectly, can you explain to me what is going on?"
"Okay, okay, you'll see sweetheart, I told her you have a boyfriend."
"What?" Rarity's eyes snapped open.
"It was her fault, she started saying it was a shame you were going to be the only one going alone, that she had to move heaven and earth not to sit you at the children's table."
"The children's table?" I asked surprised. "That’s the nightmare of singles, I tell you."
“In the end, I don't know how, I told her that you're dating with Harry Runt, a brown-haired boy, with light eyes, of Scoltch origin and from Fillydelphia. But don't worry, I told her he's not going to the wedding because he's on call, he's a doctor…”
"Ah, well, I feel calmer knowing that he’s on call, I thought he wouldn't go because it's imaginary." Rarity said with a sarcastic shrug.
"Well Rarity, if you think about it, it's perfect for you." Sunset said getting into the conversation. "You're always saying your perfect man doesn't exist." We all laughed at that comment.
"Darling, I have to go pick up some things for your father, see you here later."
Cookie Crumbles left, leaving Rarity still confused by the whole situation.
That same morning Flash, Cheese Sandwich and Soarin arrived.
"Any luck finding an apartment?" I asked for.
“Well, no, the last one Rich had around here was sold. So, we are left with nothing.” Said Soarin.
"Don't be discouraged, surely when you least expect it you will have the solution."
Suddenly Zephyr entered the pub.
"Bourbon, round of drinks for everyone, I'm on!" What Zephyr said left us all surprised.
"Zephyr, are you sick?" Flash asked.
"No, I'm celebrating." He said.
"Oh, and what we celebrate?" Cheese asked excited about a possible party.
“An aunt of mine has died.” He said smiling as he sat down on a stool. The rest of us looked at him as if he had suddenly sprouted a second head.
“Gee, you really look depressed.” I said sarcastically.
“It’s not that, it turns out that she has left me her flat in inheritance. Now I am the owner.” Zephyr looked clearly pleased.
"Seriously, when I think about Zephyr, I realize that it's better to be lucky than smart." Flash commented.
"Flash, don't be rude, you're now in front of your new landlord."
"I’m sorry, what?" The blue-haired boy asked in astonishment.
“Soarin and you are still looking for a renting room, since I already have one, what better way to pay the rent to me than to a stranger?” Zephyr said.
"Do I need to answer?" Flash replied.
"Flash, don't be like that, besides, we're not here to get demanding." Said Soarin.
"Hell yeah, come this afternoon and we'll get organized."
I ended up putting a round on everyone as seeing Zephyr buying them drinks was a milestone in history. After toasting, a new client entered, a man with his son, whom I knew quite well thanks to Pinkie.
"Mr. Cake, welcome, hello Pound Cake, how are y’all doing?” I asked for.
"Good morning, Bourbon, can we get a latte and apple juice?" Mr. Cake asked.
"Coming right up."
Carrot Cake, was the owner of a local bakery that he ran with his wife, he was a thin, red-haired man with freckles, they had two children: Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake, twins a few minutes apart and who were currently about 13 years old; Pound Cake was a brown-haired boy with messy hair and brown eyes, and his sister Pumpkin was redheaded with blue eyes, reminding me of my cousin Cairéad, except that Cairéad was more chubby.
Suddenly Mr. Cake's cell phone rang, and he said he had to go, he took his coffee almost in one sip, and left, leaving Pound Cake here since the boy wanted to stay a while longer.
"Well, Pound Cake, how's school?" I asked to bring up something.
"Bored, my father pressures me about grades since my sister is doing better, but I don't complain." The boy answered.
As we chatted, Sunset's phone rang.
"Boss, can I take a couple of hours off?" she asked.
"Is there any problem?" I asked.
"Twilight wants to tell us all something, I guess it must be important."
"Come on, go, I can handle myself." I said.
Sunset left and I stayed with the guys chatting and almost as Sunset left, Timber walked in.
He greeted us all, but he seemed very grumpy. If my instincts weren't wrong, it had something to do with Twilight and their relationship since they got back from their trip.
"Bourbon, get me a pint of ale, please." Timber said.
"You look stressed Timber." Flash said.
“Me stressed? No way, now I’ll start clapping my hands with joy.” He said sarcastically.
"Timber, are you okay?" I asked as I served him the pint.
Timber began pacing like a caged lion, huffing, and puffing.
“I can't take it anymore, guys, I can't take any more. Twilight and I are very different. Women fall in love with us and then they want to change us.” Timber said.
"What's wrong, Twilight hooked up with someone else?" Zephyr asked.
"Change personality, not boyfriend, you idiot." I answered.
"Well, I'm so happy with Pinkie, I think we'll move in together soon." Cheese said but added one more thing. "Although…"
"What's the matter?" I asked for.
“Pinkie’s very good at cakes, pies and other sweets. But the rest of the dishes… she cooked me a stew the other day that could be declared as weapon of mass destruction.” He said making a face of disgust remembering the dish in question.
"Yeah, Pinkie has always been weird about cooking things that aren’t sweets." Pound Cake said getting into the conversation.
"Yeah, look, the things you don't like about your girlfriend at first are even funny, but you'll see when she makes you that stew after four years." Timber said.
"Eww, I don't know if I would survive." Cheese said.
“I am blown. This is a very serious crisis…”
What we didn't know is that several meters above us a similar conversation was taking place...
At Sunset’s apartment, Twilight paced back and forth with all of her friends looking at her expectantly.
“Do you know how many times we’d made love in 15 days of idyllic and paradisiacal vacations in the Caribbean?” Twilight asked, to which the girls fell silent. "One." The girls made an expression as if they were stung by something. “And he did it with his clothes on so the mosquitoes wouldn't bite him. Poor thing, if you could see him sweat…”
"Darling, it's not that big of a deal either." Rarity said. "When I was dating with my second boyfriend, we spent six months without doing it."
"But did you break up with him?"
"Of course, he forgot about our anniversary." Answered the fashionista.
"Twilight, the problem is that you spend many hours together, vacations are the worst time for the couple, it is proven that most divorces occur right after holidays." Sunset added.
“It’s that Timber is like a grandpa… an immature grandpa. It is a very rare thing.” Twilight said adjusting her glasses. "He didn't want to do scuba diving because he had to take a course in the pool..."
Meanwhile our conversation continued in the pub.
"She wanted me to make a fool of myself in the pool dressed as a frogman." We all laughed imagining that scene. “No, to hell with that, dignity above all else.”
"Man, if after these years dating you are like this, I see the answer very clearly." Flash said.
"What you want is for Twilight to be free so you can try and hook up with her." Zephyr said.
"Hey, if she gets free, I could try it." Pound Cake said.
"Boy, wait until you hit the growth spurt." I said before the kid's occurrence.
"No, I think he’s right, the best thing is to leave her, I have to tell her, although it pisses me off, because she’s very in love with me, I'm going to break her heart." Timber said with a sad face, although I looked away thinking that maybe he wasn’t entirely correct.
And upstairs...
"Tell him you prefer your own company right now, it's like you don't break up, but you break up." Rainbow Dash said. "That way you get out of troubles, it always works for me."
“How is she going to tell him that?” Applejack said. "Just because guys are throwaway for you doesn't mean Twilight is going to break up with him over the slightest crisis."
“No, you're right, it's for the best, I have to break up with Timber. Poor thing, he loves me so much! It's going to be hard for him…” Twilight said worriedly.
Rarity and her mother were at a table chatting quietly as they each had a cup of tea. Although Rarity looked somewhat annoyed...
"Dear, I know that what I did was not right, but put yourself in my shoes." Cookie Crumbles said taking a sip of her tea. “You don't know what it's like to put up with my friends with the wedding photos of their daughters and their GRANDCHILDREN.” She said emphasizing the last word. "And always asking 'and what about your daughter?'"
"Yeah, I wish you had a daughter like your friend Pearl, who has a boyfriend and a baby, of course she's also a gambler and drug addict, but hey, at least she has a boyfriend." Rarity replied with a sarcasm that even I would have a hard time getting over.
“Okay, I shouldn’t have to do that. As soon as I see Bitter Beans, I tell her the truth.” And as if by magic, the aforementioned entered through the door. Rarity made a sign to her mother, who got nervous. "Well, when I see her, or maybe tomorrow or the next day."
Rarity looked frustrated as her mother's cousin took a seat at the same table as them.
"Hello girls, I came to finalize the details of the wedding." She said.
"Speaking of the wedding, I had to tell you something about Harry." Cookie Crumbles said.
"Don't tell me he's coming." She said more surprised than excited. "I would love to finally meet a boyfriend of Rarity, which at this point we did not expect you to find anyone given your personality."
Rarity had a disjointed expression, as if an unpleasant image had suddenly come to her mind.
"Well, that's why your daughter is getting married as she has no personality." Rarity said with a smile faker than a leather coin.
"Well, I'll call the caterers to reserve a cutlery for unforeseen events and surprises, can there be a bigger surprise than Rarity with a boyfriend?" Maybe it was my impression, but Rarity's white skin began to take on a reddish hue.
"The point is that Harry..." Cookie Crumbles couldn't finish her sentence as she was interrupted by Rarity.
“He is a very generous man; he is going to give the bride and groom a batch of typical Prance products.” Rarity said.
"What a nice boy, and my daughter saying that your boyfriend was a lie." Bitter Beans answered.
Even at the bar, Discord, Sunset, and I were able to pick up most of the conversation incredulously. Lies have the inconvenience of having very short legs and she didn't know at what point all this would break Rarity and her mother.
"Do you hear that?" Discord asked. “It is the sound of the gears of chaos moving the machinery.” Discord smiled and took a sip of his beer.
At that moment he was not aware, but Discord was absolutely right, even more so when that same night, elsewhere, certain accumulated tensions were going to explode in the worst way.
Twilight and Timber half bought an apartment a few months ago so they could live together. However, living together wears the couple out a lot and they discovered it in the worst way. Apparently, their vacations together had left them with more consequences than mosquito bites and tan from the beach.
They were both getting ready to go to sleep, but the silence was so awkward you could cut the tension with a knife.
"Are you feeling alright?" Twilight asked as she put on her pajamas. "You've been very quiet all day."
"Me? Yes, I'm fine." Timber said putting on a shirt to sleep. "You good?"
"Me? Yes, of course." Twilight answered with an uncertain tone. “A little tired from the trip, but fine.”
"Is nothing wrong with you?" Timber asked.
"No." Twilight answered quickly and laconically. "And you?"
"No."
"Hey, if you want, we can talk." Twilight said dismissing it.
"About what?"
"I don’t know."
What started out as a stupid conversation escalated into a loud argument in the living room.
"So, I'm the one to blame for everything, I do everything wrong!" Timber yelled. “On the other hand, you are Miss Right.”
"I'm not saying that, Timber!" Twilight said also yelling. "But face it, you've become boring."
"Of course, because of you."
"ME?!"
“Yes, since we lived together you have wanted to turn me into someone I am not and based on wanting to turn me into someone else, you have turned me… but into someone other than the one you wanted! I don't know if I'm explaining myself…” At Timber's ramblings, Twilight simply sat with her head bowed and crossed her arms.
"No, but it doesn't matter..." Twilight said starting to sob. "All I wanted is for this to work, and if I've been hard with you it's because I didn't see you happy and I felt guilty, because coming to live together was my idea, and I always had the feeling that you came forced.”
As Twilight cried, Timber didn't know what to do or say.
"Well, come on, don't cry, please." He said putting a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm not crying. I emphasize my words in higher tones with occasional tears.” Twilight said sounding more technical than she should.
"That's the weirdest definition of crying I've ever heard." Timber answered.
"Look Timber, I don't know who's to blame, but what's clear is that we can't go on like this." Twilight said, wiping away her tears and getting up from her chair.
"What's the matter? Do you want to break up?" Timber asked.
"I didn’t say that." Twilight was quick to say. "Do you want to break up?"
“No, no, I asked first. If you want, we can break up."
“So, you want to break up.”
"No, we break up if you want to break up." Timber said.
"But why do I have to break up?" Twilight asked indignantly.
"I don't know, if I ask you if you want to break up and you ask the same question, it means that you want to break up."
“No, don't say you want to break up because I want to break up, because then we break up being me the one who broke it; It is you who wants to break up because you asked it first, and if I ask you if you want to break up, it’s not because I want to break up, it is because by asking you are making it very clear that what you want is to break up.” Twilight spoke so quickly that Timber just looked at her with an idiot face.
"I'm lost, do you want a beer?" Timber asked.
"Yes please." Twilight said as he went to the fridge for two cans.
"My throat is dry." Timber said.
“So does mine…”
While the discussion was going on I was in my living room drinking a beer and playing video games.
"How beautiful is love..." I said sarcastically.
Suddenly the doorbell rang, which surprised me.
"Is that the deliverer?" I said getting up from the couch on my way to the door.
When I opened the door, I was faced with Rainbow Dash.
“Dash, what are you doing here?” I asked her.
"I'm bored, do you want to go for a drink?" she asked.
"Dash, look at me, I'm in my pajamas and waiting for a pizza, I'm not going out."
"Oh, come on Bourbon! Big Mac is at Appleloosa and Scootaloo is out with her friends, I get bored at home." she protested.
"And the rest of your friends?" I asked for.
"Rarity's busy with some dress, Pinkie's with Cheese, Applejack's gone with Big Mac, and I don't know where Fluttershy and Sunset are."
“Well, then deal with it, find a movie on Hooflix or something, but I'm staying home tonight. Take care of yourself." I said and closed the door, although I couldn’t imagine that this would unleash something much worse.
The doorbell rang at Twilight's apartment. She went to answer the door while Timber sat on the couch with a can of beer on the coffee table and his head in his hands.
"Hey Twilight, do you want to go out for a drink?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry, but this is not a good time." She said.
"We're in the middle of an argument!" Timber yelled from the couch.
"Don't keep thinking about it, we've already talked about it, break up with him and we'll have a drink, you'll have to start over again." Dash said tactlessly.
Hearing that, Timber Spruce jumped up from the couch like a spring while Twilight's eyes widened.
“So, you were going to break up with me.”
“Thank you very much, Dash, very timely.” Twilight said angrily.
"Well, just so you know, I was the one who was going to break up with you, in fact, my next sentence was 'I'm leaving you'." Timber replied.
"Honey, don't get defensive, I know it's very hard for you." Twilight said.
"Hard? I’m laughing my ass off!" Timber said raising his arms and exaggerating his tone. Proving that it affected him more than he recognized.
“Ah, so you’re laughing your ass off!” Twilight said starting to get angry.
“Yes, it’s hilarious, I don’t give a fuck.”
“Well, I’m splitting my sides. I’ll call Pinkie and throw a party. In fact, I'm going with Dash to celebrate." Twilight said going to a closet for a coat.
"What the hell, the three of us are going to celebrate." Timber said going to his room for clothes.
"Oh, you're going to celebrate the breakup together...?" Dash said, not believing what she was seeing. "Look, I think I prefer to go alone..."
And smiling awkwardly, Dash closed the door and left. Twilight tossed her coat to the ground in despair as Timber went back trying to put on some pants.
"Hey, not to bother, but who broke up? I say that because of the gossip in the pub.” He asked.
"Shit if I know, Timber…" Twilight answered.
“She has left you it’s crystal clear.” Said a familiar voice that could be heard from an open window.
"Discord, go to sleep!" Twilight yelled.
"How am I going to sleep with the ruckus you're making?" the philosopher shouted back.
My doorbell rang again just as I was about to bite into a piece of pizza. Frustrated and looking like a bulldog, I reopened.
"And now what?" I asked knowing who I would meet.
“Do you mind if I keep you company for a bit?” Dash asked with an innocent face.
"Come on in." I said pulling away and offering her a pass. "I hope you like Spartacus."
“The movie or the series?” Dash asked.
"The Series."
“Blood, intrigue and sex. How can I resist?” She said smirking.
We spent most of the night marathoning Spartacus, commenting on the show and talking a little about our lives over beers and popcorn.
"Ilitia turns me on a lot, but Lucrecia is very hot, Lucy Lawless is a total MILF." I said.
"Well look at Crixus, Manu Bennett is an Olympian god." Dash replied biting her lip.
"I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not gay, but damn, I wish I had those abs." I said unable to hide my admiration for the guy's body.
“Maybe if you exercised you would get in shape.” Dash said laughing and pinching my belly.
"You ask too much Dash." We both laughed at that.
"Bourbon, you're not that fat either, if you went to the gym, in a few months you'll get in shape, seriously."
“I haven't exercised regularly since I left Lyreland. But, I'll keep it in mind." I said.
In the end, Dash fell asleep on the couch, so I put a blanket over her and went to sleep. It was 4 in the morning, so I only got five hours of sleep.
Later, Rainbow Dash started to get up, yawned, rubbed her left eye and stretched.
"Good morning, Dash." I said holding a cup of tea.
"Morning, Bourbon, what am I doing here?" she asked.
“You fell asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you up. Coffee, tea, or cocoa? I asked offering her some breakfast.
“Coffee, black, please.”
Dash and I had breakfast and then I went to open the pub, she went home to shower and told me we'd meet there later.
That morning Rarity and Cookie Crumbles were accompanied by Rarity's father, Hondo Flanks, a smiling, brown haired guy with a well-groomed mustache.
"So, you both told Bitter Beans you're dating a handsome doctor guy from Fillydelphia, and she believed it." Hondo said to his daughter.
"Does it seem so unbelievable?" Rarity asked somewhat indignantly.
"But we've said he won't go because he's on call, Harry is such a hard working man." Cookie Crumbles said smiling.
"Well, if they ask us at the wedding, we should all have the same version." Rarity said. "Let's see, my boyfriend's name is Harry Runt and..."
"You met him at the jazz club, and he asked you to swing." Cookie said.
"Mother, we are not in the 20s, nobody asks you to dance a swing." Rarity said, although that made me remember the theme party we had talked about. "Besides, I can imagine meeting Harry in a more romantic place."
"I know." Hondo said. “You met at Las Pegasus, he was playing blackjack and he saw you ordering a whiskey on the rocks at the bar.”
"Hondo, that's how we met." Cookie said looking strangely at her husband.
"Don't tell me it wasn't romantic." Hondo said looking at his wife and smiling like a heartthrob.
"Look, let's be practical." Rarity said. "We met at a U2 concert, we've been dating for six months and what attracted me most about him was his sense of humor."
“He calls me In-Lawbut jokingly, 'what's up, in-law.' He says it to tease me, I pretend I'm angry, but deep down I love it." Cookie said.
"What about me? Doesn't the kid do anything with me?" Hondo asked wanting to fit in.
"You guys often go to the country club together and sometimes jokingly argue about which is better Bourbon or Scoltch Whiskey." Rarity said.
"Do you really need to ask that?" I said laughing.
Hondo laughed affectionately. "What a nice guy this Harry."
"And we haven't talked about money, because he must have money." Cookie said.
"Hey, don’t pick yourselves up, because at this rate we are going to create a mix between Brad Pitt and Elon Musk." Rarity said.
“What if we kill his mother?” Cookie asked earning a look of fear from everyone. “I mean, his mother is dead. What a bargain, no in-law to steal my grandchildren.” Cookie Crumbles thought giving free rein to her macabre imagination.
“Very well, without a mother-in-law who comes to eat on Sundays; deal, his mother is dead and buried.” Rarity said.
"Honey, this Harry is such a peach, it's a shame you didn't know him earlier." Rarity's mother said.
"Guys, don't lose your mind, don't forget that this Harry is imaginary." I said trying to get some sanity.
“Yes, also sooner or later we will have to say that we have broken up.” Rarity replied.
"You're right, we say that he was sent to work away and that he chose his job over you." Hondo said.
"Father, Harry would never do that to me." Rarity said very indignantly. It seems to me that even she is taking the pantomime too far.
When we closed for lunch, I decided to stop by Rarity's house to talk about the theme party and also give my opinion on the whole Harry thing.
I knocked on the door and Sweetie Belle opened it.
"Hello Bourbon, what's up?" I ask.
"Hello Sweetie, is your sister home?"
“Yes, she is there with our mother trying on a dress.” She said pointing with her thumb towards the living room.
There was Rarity with Cookie Crumbles adjusting the straps of a black dress.
“Hello Bourbon! How are you?" Cookie asked pleased to see me.
"Good afternoon, Cookie." I answered. "Rarity, can we talk for a moment?"
"I'm sorry darling, I'm very busy, and now in a while I have to go to the boutique to check that the bride's dress is ready."
At that moment the doorbell rang again, it was Hondo Flanks.
"Hello Dad." Sweetie Belle said.
"Hi sweetheart!" Hondo said giving his little daughter a kiss on the cheek.
He went to the living room where his eldest daughter and his wife were and took a photo from his shirt pocket.
"Look Cookie, our grandchildren: Saphire and Gold, aren’t they adorable?" He said smiling, just like Cookie.
“Father, you are aware that I don't have any children, right? Harry and I are just dating." Rarity said. "Besides, no one would believe they are your grandchildren."
"And why not? They do have the same rogue face as their pops." Hondo said tenderly looking at the photo.
“Because they are blond and have green eyes.” Rarity pointed out.
"And doesn't it say IKEA Catalog there?" I said looking at a detail of what I now knew was a clipping from a magazine.
"Well, it's a shame, look how nice they are there in their colorful room." Hondo said showing the image to his wife.
"So true." Cookie said smiling. “And what cute cushions, and for only $20.”
"Look guys, am I the only one who thinks you're taking this too far?" I said trying to put some sanity, but nobody paid attention to me.
The doorbell rang again and this time it was Rarity who opened the door.
"Hey, Bitter Beans, what are you doing here?" Rarity asked.
"You don't know who I've met." She said waiting for the rest to guess. "Harry."
“Harry? What harry?” Rarity asked.
“Who do you think? Harry, your boyfriend.” Bitter Beans replied leaving us all dumbfounded.
"What?" Rarity said.
"How?" Cookie Crumbles said.
"When?" Hondo said.
"Where?" I already asked out of curiosity.
"It's just that I went to the doctor, and I was treated by a boy named Harry Runt, and I asked him and he was from Fillydelphia." This was already starting to get sinister. It felt like we had gotten into an episode of The X-Files. “But when I asked him about Rarity, he told me that he knew several Rarities. Weird, right?"
"It's just... we've argued." Rarity said trying to get out of the way.
“Yeah, because… because…” Cookie Crumbles stammered as she surreptitiously grabbed Hondo's arm.
“Because he says Scoltch Whiskey is better than Bourbon. Every time the subject comes up, we’re on a ruckus.” Rarity's father said.
"Don't tell me more, I already know what's going on." Bitter Beans said leaving everyone expectant. “You have argued because he is not going to the wedding.”
"Exactly." Rarity said relieved that her pantomime hadn't been discovered. “Making me go alone, I was so excited to take him to the wedding.”
"Well, say no more, this afternoon I have an appointment with him, I'll tell him to make up and to accompany you to the wedding." Bitter Beans said happy to have reached a solution.
"No, you can't do that." Cookie Crumbles said.
"Why not?"
"Because you have to go pick up the dress, I'm going to be very busy at the boutique and I can't take it to you." Rarity said.
"Don’t worry, Harry's consultation catches me on the way." Things got complicated for Rarity and her parents.
"But even so I have to accompany you, imagine that you go alone and have an accident."
"Gosh, Rarity, between how anxious you are and the holsters you're pulling out, you're looking more like your mother every day." Bitter Beans said letting out another gratuitous attack. "Well, I'll wait for you downstairs."
Once Bitter Beans left Rarity's apartment, she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"Oh no! What am I going to do?" Rarity said throwing herself on the sofa as if she were passing out.
"Sweet gem, you have to distract her until your father and I come up with something." Cookie Crumbles said.
"Like what? I already knew this was going to be a disaster.” Rarity said on the verge of tears.
"Why don't you go talk to this Harry guy?" I said. “You go to his office; you explain what happened and maybe he will help you. What do y’all have to lose?”
"That's it, Cookie, let's go to that office and talk to Harry, what's the worst that could happen?" Hondo Flanks said.
"I don't know, let them think you're crazy." Rarity said.
“Come on Rares, I'll take you to the boutique, Big Mac left me the keys to his truck. Trust your parents a little, I'm sure they'll come up with something." I said hoping that everything would be alright, although the situation was so surreal that it seemed written by a madman.
Rarity's boutique was in the center of the city. I didn't understand a damn about fashion, even though my father was a button maker, but Rarity's store was very stylish with pretty clothes and other items; Almost all for women, but there were some items for men such as jackets, pants and some shirts that caught my attention, even thou that wasn’t really my style.
Despite being the owner and main designer in her business, Rarity also had two people working for her, a woman named Sassy Saddles, in her mid-thirties, and a young woman about our age named Coco Pommel. Coco was the one who was organizing the garments and collecting money at the checkout, while Sassy was advising different clients.
Rarity at this moment was distracting Bitter Beans and I accompanied them both.
“Would you like another coffee? Why don't you tell me another family story?" Rarity asked hoping to distract her relative.
"But Rarity, I've already had two coffees, and I've even told you about your great-uncle's hernia operation, plus at this rate I won't have time to go to Harry's consultation." Bitter Beans said.
"Well, if you can't go, that's okay too." Rarity said downplaying it.
Suddenly, Coco Pommel arrived with the dress safely stored in a bag.
"Finally, a little more and it goes out of style." Bitter Beans said.
"Sorry." Coco said in such a shy way that she could easily rival Fluttershy or Marble. "It's just that there is a very strange man trying on all the tight pants in the store and asking me if they look good on his ass."
“But wait, are you just going to leave before I check if the dress is okay?” Rarity took the dress out of its case and looked at it. "See, what I imagined, the seams of the straps are not okay, with this you walk a little and it comes loose."
"But Rarity, you made it yourself." Coco said innocently, earning a look of fury from Rarity.
"I see it well, and I think I have more experience in wedding dresses than you, at least I've been married." This lady was already pissing me off. If it were me, I would have thrown it out the window by now.
"Keep in mind that the dress has to endure a lot: walking, throwing the bouquet, the wedding dance... this at the first pull falls apart." Rarity tried to rip off the strap to no avail. "Or the second..." With a strong pull, he managed to break it. "You see? I knew I hadn't tried hard enough...I'm sorry you can't go see Harry."
"What a disappointment, now my daughter would have to come to try it on and fix it..."
"I'm sorry, darling, but if you can't… I wish I could do more to help you." Rarity said.
Bitter Beans looked at Rarity for a moment and changed her expression as if she had a brilliant idea.
“Wait, you and my daughter are the same size!” She said.
And just like that, I found myself in front of Rarity with my wedding dress on and Coco Pommel trying to fix the broken strap. Meanwhile I did my best to hold back my laughter.
"I don't want lectures, Bourbon." She said.
"No, calm down, but you should call your mother and think of a plan B."
Rarity picked up her cell phone and called Cookie Crumbles.
“Mother, Bitter Beans has escaped me, she's on her way to the consultation. Please do whatever it takes to keep her from talking to the doctor.” Rarity said.
"Come on Hondo, we have to leave quickly." Cookie was heard from the other end of the line.
“Damn it, next time you come up with a son-in-law he better be from Greenland.” Hondo said.
And if the situation wasn't bizarre enough, someone backed out of the changing rooms.
"Miss, I think I'll take this one, how does it look on my ass?" The aforementioned, who was wearing tight black pants and rubbing his butt, was none other than Discord.
He looked at us and we looked at him. I hated those kinds of awkward silences in which no one wanted to open their mouth for fear of saying something stupid.
Discord walked over to Rarity and whispered to her. "I don’t say about yours if you don't say about mine."
“Enough, I'm going to the pub…” I said, wanting to erase the image of Discord in tight pants from my head.
Harry Runt was a normal guy, a simple physician whose only concern was to attend to his patients and get home with a clear conscience of having fulfilled his duty, and if it was a weekend to have a few drinks with his friends to celebrate the weekend. Harry had a unique feature that caught the attention of the rest, although sitting in front of his study no one noticed.
However, he did not expect that this afternoon, while he was examining the files of any patient, two unknown people would enter his office like two dogs in a meat truck to make the strangest of propositions.
"Sorry to barge in like this, but this is an emergency." Hondo Flanks said without giving the doctor time to react.
"What kind of emergency?" Harry asked concerned.
"We need you to pretend you’re dating our daughter." Hondo said bluntly.
"Excuse me?" The doctor's face was quite a poem.
"I know it sounds weird, but you see, it turns out that we invented a boyfriend for our daughter and look what are the odds he has the same name as you, he's a doctor and he's from Fillydelphia." Cookie Crumbles said.
"What? No, look, I think you are confused. I am Dr. Runt, you are looking for Dr. Rump, from psychiatry.” He said as he picked up his phone.
"No, please wait." Hondo Flanks said snatching the phone from him. "You only have to pretend to be the boyfriend of our daughter Rarity before your next patient, I beg you as an imaginary father-in-law." He said with his arms open in supplication.
"Yeah, but I don't have a girlfriend, neither imaginary nor real." Harry answered.
"Well that’s weird, so handsome and a doctor, are you a confirmed bachelor?" Cookie Crumbles asked earning a strange look. "I mean, being alone, you'll know what it's like to be told that you're going to be single forever, I'm sure even your mother once pretended that you had a girlfriend in front of her friends."
“My mother passed away in an accident 5 years ago.” Harry said hanging his head remembering his trauma.
"Hondo, look, he's perfect." Cookie said with a touching tone. "If he has a house on the beach, I'll pass out right here."
"Look, I understand what you're going through... well, I really don't understand, and I still want to help you, but it's all very strange." Harry said still confused by the whole situation.
"Help us please, even if it's just to hit Bitter Beans in the face, that woman is the typical meddling witch, a bitter..." While Hondo released his string of insults, Cookie grabbed his arm because Bitter Beans was entering the office, for Luckily, she didn't get to hear what he said. “She is a lovely woman. Hi Bitter Beans, we were talking to Harry about how awesome you are.”
"And what are you doing here?" She asked surprised to see them.
"Nothing, we came to invite Harry to eat at our place on Sunday." Cookie Crumbles said.
"Wow, then he must love Rarity a lot." Bitter Beans said looking at the doctor.
Harry stood speechless with his hand over his mouth as he thought about how he had gotten himself into such a mess. "Uh...yeah sure." Harry said not quite knowing how to respond.
"Look at him, he loves her so much that he's dumbstruck." Hondo said trying to get out of the way.
"No, I say it because to want to suffer Cookie's cooking you must be crazy in love, or just crazy." Bitter Beans responded with her usual insults.
Meanwhile, in the pub I told Sunset about what had happened, and she was laughing incredulously. It was one thing to tell a lie to get out of trouble, and quite another thing is that instead of being caught lying, said lie turned out to be truer than expected.
I poured Rumble, Zephyr and Flash a couple of beers and Pound Cake arrived at the pub.
"Hello Bourbon." The boy answered.
"Hey Pound Cake, what are you doing here?" I asked surprised.
"It's just that I'm bored at home." Pound Cake said. "What were you talking about?"
"Oh, nothing, turns out Zephyr hooked up the other night and we had a laugh." I said.
"Why?" Pound Cake asked.
"Because she's ugly as fuck." Rumble said starting to laugh.
"Oh come on... she's not that ugly, the photo I showed you had bad lighting, but look at the one in profile." Zephyr pulled out her cell phone and we all ran to look.
"Child, don't look, you'll have nightmares later." I said.
We all stared at the aforementioned, without knowing what to think.
"Well, if you take off her braces she's not that ugly." Flash said.
"No, she doesn’t have a brace." Zephyr replied.
"Oh..." was the only thing the blue-haired man answered.
"Fuck, she's uglier than a cross-eyed man blowing up a balloon." It was the only thing that came to mind.
The door opened and the person we least expected to see appeared.
"Thunderlane!" Rumble yelled.
Indeed, his older brother had just entered the pub and accompanied by a stunning woman.
"Greetings friends." He said, hugging the girl.
“But what are you doing here? Weren't you in Poneland looking for your father?" Rumble asked.
“What have I lost in Poneland? I've been in Prance for a week, this is Monique." He said introducing the girl.
“Bonjour. ” Said Monique.
"But what about all your anger at mom for the lie?"
"Well, mom has given me some money because she feels guilty, advantages of being an illegitimate child." Thunderlane said bluntly. "Can you do me a favor? Can you go home and get me some summer clothes? I'm taking Monique to the Canary Islands. We’ll wait for you here having a drink, let’s take a table cherrie .”
And Thunderlane went with the Prench girl to a table leaving us all looking like idiots.
"Bastard, and on top of that I have to act as a courier." Rumble left with a duffel bag given to him by his brother.
"Of course, that's the key, going abroad, that's where the action is." Zephyr said.
"Zephyr don't lie to yourself, you set foot in a foreign country and they extradite you the next day." Pound Cake said, the kid was blending in here too well.
At that moment Cookie Crumbles, Bitter Beans and a guy I didn't know, and who, by the way, I couldn't see well from the bar, arrived.
"Hey Bourbon, look, this is Harry, Rarity's boyfriend." So that's the Harry who, by some sinister coincidence, is just like the boyfriend they invented.
"A pleasure, Harry."
After serving the women and Harry going to one of the tables, Rarity appeared with the wedding dress in her hand.
"Darling, you look like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride." Cookie said.
"Mother, I don't want jokes." Rarity said. "Why did you want to see me?"
"It's just that we have a surprise for you." Bitter Beans said. "We've talked to Harry, and we've convinced him to go to the wedding with you."
"What?" Rarity said scared.
"Yes, sweet gem, I wanted to warn you, but..." Cookie lowered her voice and surreptitiously pointed at Bitter Beans. “She stuck to me like a tick.”
"Come on, there you have him, go say hi while we pay Bourbon." Bitter Beans said pointing to the tables.
"Yeah, sure, sure..." Rarity said nervously, heading to a table where a guy was having a coffee.
"Hello, Harry." Rarity said.
Cookie Crumbles and I signaled to Rarity to let her know that she was wrong. We pointed to the real Harry, and she ran over to that table.
"Harry, right?" I ask.
"Hello, what was your name?" Harry asked.
"Oh, what a beautiful couple you make Rarity." Bitter Beans said approaching next to Cookie Crumbles.
"Rarity, I always forget." Harry's subconscious betrayed him. “… I always forget such a good couple we make."
“Well, I'm leaving because I have to buy some insoles, because blisters are like heavy relatives, they stick to you and there's no way to get rid of them. See you at the wedding.” And just like that, Bitter Beans left Rarity and Cookie with the doctor.
"Mother, before I kill you, can you explain to me what's going on?" Rarity asked.
"You see, this boy is Harry, we have explained to him what has happened, and he is willing to help us." Said his mother.
“It’s a pleasure, I'm Rarity, as you know. Look, you don't have to do this, I know my parents can be a little scary, but they're harmless." Rarity said nervously.
"The truth is that when they appeared in my office, I thought they had some kind of contagious stroke." Harry said remembering the scene from before. “But then they explained it to me better and I understand what you are going through.”
"Do you also have parents who interfere in your life?" Rarity asked.
"No, but I know what it's like to be single at thirty." He said, I know how you feel, bro. “And well, tomorrow I have nothing to do so I thought I can go to the wedding and have a good time. Unless it's also an imaginary wedding." He said laughing nervously.
"Yes!" Rarity said, although she realized that Harry misunderstood her. "No, I mean of course the wedding is for real."
"Well, let me make a call, and everything is settled." Harry said pulling out his cell phone.
Cookie Crumbles and Rarity got up excited.
"honey, this looks like the beginning of a romantic movie."
But then Harry stood up from his chair showing his true height. Its size was enough to reach Rarity to the height of her hips.
"Rarity, count me in for the wedding, see you tomorrow." And without further ado, the literally little doctor left.
Cookie and Rarity were speechless, until Rarity decided to open her mouth.
“Well, it really looks like the beginning of a movie… Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” Rarity said angrily as her mother looked down.
Seeing that I could only laugh as he poured me a pint of Guinneighs.
The next day Sunset and I were preparing the pub for the wedding. It never occurred to me that my place could be used for these types of events, but if it worked, I could get a good pinch. Taking a sip from the long neck in his hand, Pound Cake entered the pub.
"Bourbon, do you have an empty box lying around?" the boy asked.
"I don't know, maybe in the storage room, why?"
"It's just that I'm helping Timber with the move, he offered me ten bucks." Answered.
"Okay, I'm going to see if I have any boxes." I said as I headed to the store.
Meanwhile, a few floors up in our building, Timber Spruce finished packing his things to leave his now broken home. He and Twilight agreed to sell the apartment and split the money.
I decided to go with Pound Cake to help Timber, and to see if the atmosphere was as heated as the night before.
"Well, I'm taking the essentials." He said while holding a box and carrying a backpack on his shoulder. "I'll be back for more things as soon as possible."
"If you want, I'll send it to your sister's place." Twilight said softly.
"Why to my sister's place?" Timber asked surprised.
"I don't know, I guess you're going back to Everfree, right?"
"You said that, I'm going to live alone, I already have a flat signed."
"Oh yeah? And where?" Twilight asked puzzled.
“I’m not telling you, then you will want to see me every day and you will never get over it.” Timber said playing tough and heading for the door.
"But you, cocky, brat, childish, arrogant and... everything." Twilight said losing her temper.
"Guys don't go on like this, you're going to hurt yourselves." Pound Cake said.
“He is right, that is not the way for a mature and cordial separation.” I answered.
"Can you tell Obi Wan and Anakin to leave us alone so we can say our goodbyes?" Twilight said.
"I’m afraid not, because you're going to start crying and it's going to be uncomfortable for both of us." Timber answered.
“Cry?” Twilight was walking into the rag, but then she backed away. “Timber. We've spent many years together; don't you think it's unfair to end like this? We have shared a lot, I have loved you very much… and we have lived precious moments, please do not spoil it.”
At that speech Timber's heart softened and his defenses lowered.
“I will always remember you and I will always be fond of you. Come on, let's end this well." Twilight finished.
"You're right, sorry, I'm going to miss you too." Timber said, for the first time being honest.
"AHA! Who's the one that's knackered now? Bye." Twilight said gloating.
"How twisted you women are." I said.
“You've gone too far, Twilight. You’ve gone so fricking far. But I had noticed!” Timber said with a false smile as he walked out the door.
"Yeah, sure..." I said under my breath.
Just before Twilight could close, Pound Cake stopped her.
"Hey, I already know that I'm 13 years old now, but I notice that the growth spurt is close, if by the time I’ve turned 18 and your boobs haven't fallen off, you're still single, call me."
"Hey you brat!" I yelled.
"I'll keep that in mind, bye."
And just like that, Twilight closed the door.
"Hey, Timber, if you already have an apartment, why haven't I seen a car or something that carries your stuff?" Pound Cake asked.
"Because I have nothing... I was thinking of going to live with Flash, Zephyr and Soarin for a while, until I could save a little." he replied.
"Really?" I asked without believing it. "It's not for nothing, but if you go in there when you leave, you're going to ask me for psychological help."
"Then what do I do?"
"Leave that to me." I said picking up the mobile and making a call. "Sunset, hey, one question, is the apartment right above yours still abandoned?" I waited for an answer. "Perfect. Timber, you already have a place.”
"What do you mean I already have a place?" Timber asked surprised.
Timber, Pound Cake, and I went upstairs to an abandoned apartment in our building. Timber's face was hard to read.
“But man, how long has this been abandoned?” He asked disbelievingly.
“I don't know, a few months since the tenant died. No one has claimed it so the neighborhood community has taken over it, so you can stay for a while at least.” I explained.
Timber went to look inside one of the rooms.
"Dude, what about the bathroom?" He asked.
“A pipe burst broke up, so the plumbers dismantled it, but you have water in the kitchen and if you want you can buy a toilet and whatever you need.” I said.
"No, look Bourbon, I appreciate the detail, but this is more than I can take." Timber said.
“Dude don't worry, you said you were penniless, here at least you have a place to leverage yourself. It's either this or go back to your sister." Pound Cake said.
"Or get along with Zephyr's nonsense... that’s up to you." I added.
"Okay, but you will give me a reasonable price for being your buddy, right?"
"Of course, we neighbors will meet and talk about it quietly." I said glad to have reached an agreement. "Well, I'm going to look for Rarity, we have a wedding to prepare."
At Rarity's place things weren't going as expected, when I knocked on the door Hondo Flanks opened it dressed in a cutaway.
"Hello Bourbon, come in, we're getting ready to leave, you know how these women are." Rarity's father said.
"Hondo! Come back here, I have to adjust your cufflinks!” Cookie Crumbles yelled from the living room.
Just as I was wondering where Rarity was, I saw her accompanied by Sweetie Belle. She was laughing at her older sister.
“Wait, I have another, do you know why your boyfriend needs a stool? To be able to look at your boobs.” Sweetie Belle couldn't stop laughing, and even Hondo and I had to hold in our laughter.
"Sweetie Belle, stop it!" Rarity said.
"Well, sister, calm down, don't smurf yourself." There I laughed like a madman, and Rarity murdered me with her eyes.
"Sorry, that was funny." I said.
"I feel like a horrible person, I never thought I'd say this, but I wish my date would stand me up." Rarity said and then turned to her mother. "How come you didn't tell me he was the Danny De Vito of Canterlot?"
"Darling, I'm sorry, I barely saw him standing up and I've always been terrible at measurements." Cookie Crumbles said.
"Don't take it so seriously." Hondo said as he tied his tie. "Maybe if you take off your heels..."
“Yes, and he puts them on.” Sweetie Belle said and we all laughed again.
The doorbell rang interrupting us all.
"I'm sure it's him..." Rarity said worriedly.
Cookie Crumbles went to look through the peephole. "They made a mistake; I can’t see nobody."
"Shit, it's him." Rarity said collapsing on the sofa like Drama Queen.
The doorbell rang again, and Cookie opened the door, revealing Harry in an elegant suit.
"I hope I wasn't late; I was afraid of being short of time."
At that comment Sweetie Belle was going to say something, but her mother covered her mouth in time.
"Short? No, don't worry, you're just in time, but I thought better of it, and you don't have to come with me to the wedding." Rarity said. "I'm sorry I made you come all this way, but I think it's not okay to lie to my family."
The excuse was so lame that Harry obviously didn't buy it.
"Yes, you're right, you shouldn't lie because you're terrible at it." The doctor said. "You don't want to go with me because I'm a little short."
"Short? Nonsense." Rarity was speechless. "I hadn't even noticed, actually I have relatives your height."
“Yes, because they are thirteen years old.” Sweetie Belle whispered in my ear.
“No, Harry, it's just that I think it's asking too much of you, they almost forced you to accept, and you don't have to. But if you feel like it, we can go to the wedding.” Rarity said.
"Of course, you don't lose anything." I said heading to the door. "Well, I'm going to make sure everything’s ready in the pub, see you later Hobbit, I mean Harry!"
I ran out and closed the door, feeling like an idiot, even though deep down I was laughing at my own comment.
“Hehehe, Hobbit…”
That night we had the wedding party in the pub, and I have to say that the work we put into getting it up and running was worth it. People were having a great time, eating, drinking, and the band they hired was doing pretty well.
However, the spotlight seemed to be elsewhere. Near the bar, several of the guests had surrounded Harry and he was telling a story of how he and Rarity met. Obviously, it was a lie, but even I was entertained by the anecdote.
"She looked at me, I looked at her and I got on the stool, and we had our first kiss." He said as he held Rarity's hand as she was asking to be swallowed up by the earth. "I'm a such a lucky guy."
“So do I…" Rarity said. "Wow, it's late, why don't we go."
Harry then heard a song the band was playing and got excited.
"Wait I love this song; I'm going to burn the track!" He said and left as fast as his short legs would allow.
"I’m killing myself tonight, and all because I didn’t want to come alone." Rarity said to her parents as she leaned on the bar and drank the champagne, I served her. "I almost preferred to be at the children's table, or even the widows' table."
"Well honey, you can always say that you and Harry aren't serious." Cookie Crumbles said.
"Yes, you can say he's your half boyfriend." I said laughing.
“At least the boy has a sense of humor, he told a great joke before. 'I'm the literal definition of down to earth.'” Hondo Flanks said with a laugh.
“Rarity don't get overwhelmed; at weddings everyone’s aware of the free drink and the bride herself. Do you think everyone is talking about you?” I said.
Then, out of nowhere, Bitter Beans appeared. "Rarity, everyone is talking about you."
Great, such a mouthful, Bourbon.
"We're not serious, he's my half boyfriend." Rarity said nervously.
"Then you should bow him down, Harry is the life of the party, everyone is saying he's lovely, he's a great catch, no pun intended." Bitter Beans said and then she go back to the dancing.
"You see? My son-in-law is a hell of a guy.” Hondo Flanks said.
“And you were afraid of making a fool of yourself, when do your parents have failed you?” Cookie Crumbles said.
“You’re right, the important thing is that I’m not the poor one who cannot find a boyfriend no more, now the family will have to stop pitying me.” Rarity said triumphantly picking up her glass of champagne.
However, what Rarity couldn't see, and I could, is that, on the other side of the pub, Harry was getting to know one of the female guests better. And judging by the intensity with which they kissed it seemed to me that I would have to watch the bathrooms to avoid certain types of behavior.
"Well, I think it's the right time for a whiskey..." I said going for a bottle.
Author's Note
Well, here it is, another chapter, hope y'all like it!
That morning in the pub, I was with Discord, Zephyr, Flash, Timber and Pound Cake discussing very important and serious topics.
“Look, in a fight to the death between Darth Vader and Batman, Batman wins, that’s for sure.” I said.
“Are you kidding? If you take away Batman's gizmos he can’t do shit. Vader was a master of the lightsaber and also has the Force.” Said Pound Cake.
Ok, at the time it looked like a serious conversation...
“But can't you talk about something more current?” Timber asked.
"What's wrong? I like the classics.” I defended myself.
“Speaking of classics, I liked Knight Rider as a child. I wanted to be like Michael Knight.” Flash said.
“Oh come on, David Hasselhoff was a thug playing tough, and the car with that smartass voice looked like Microchips with a chassis.” Discord said.
“Damn you're old, I have no idea what you're talking about.” Pound Cake said confused.
“Because you, Gen Zs don't remember TV’s Golden Age, now everything’s on the internet.” I said.
Suddenly, Sunset appeared, interrupting us.
“Boss, if you're done with your geek talk, could you get back to work?” She said.
"What for? It's just us in the pub.” I said and headed to the beer taps with a glass in my hand.
The truth is that lately business was quite weak, it gave us enough to get ahead, but just that. I just wanted things to get better or else I would be forced to fire Sunset or Scootaloo, and that was something I wanted to avoid at all costs.
“She has temper, was she like that when you were dating too?” Timber asked Flash.
“No, she was worse.” He said.
“I heard that!” She yelled as we all laughed and Flash bowed his head.
“And how are you handling your breakup with Twilight?” Asked Pound Cake.
“Well, the truth is that I'm getting quite used to living alone.” Timber said. “Although…Bourbon, when are they going to fix my bathroom?”
“We're working on it, hey, you're practically there for free.” I said. “This afternoon some neighbors are going to talk about what we charge you, because that money could be great for us to pay Ponos and save a few dollars.”
“Speaking of dollars, Zephyr, you still haven't paid your share of the apartment renovation.” Flash said.
“Hey, I've been very busy, buying furniture and things like that... my wallet’s dry right now.” Answered Fluttershy's brother.
While we were talking, Filthy Rich came in with an unfriendly face.
“Damn stupid franchise.” He grunted as he sat on a stool.
“Are you okay, Rich?” Asked Discord.
“No I’m not, a new supermarket has opened in front of the Barnyard Bargains and every day that passes I am losing money. Pour me a glass of wine, Bourbon.”
“Have you thought about anything to revitalize your business? Publicity is always good.” Zephyr said.
“I've already thought about a lot of things, but most of them I've either already tried or they're not completely legal.”
“Why don't you brainstorm?” I suggested. “That usually works when you don't have a defined plan.”
“Hey, you may be right, let's see, Timber, Zephyr, I want you to concentrate and when I say 'go', tell me the first thing that comes to mind and my successful businessman brain will translate it into great ideas to promote the business." Rich said, he seemed very confident.
Timber and Zephyr closed their eyes in concentration, with Rich in front of them ready to give them the order. The rest of us remained attentive and Sunset stood next to me behind the bar.
"GO!"
“Naked girls dancing.” Timber said.
“T-bone and fries.” Zephyr said.
“Rock n’ Roll on the beach.”
“T-bone and fried egg.”
“Prenchmen with mustaches.”
“okay, okay, gosh!” Filthy Rich shouted, stunned by the amount of nonsense those two spouted. “Okay, rectify, don't say the first thing that comes to mind, say the first thing that comes to mind, but only after thinking for a while.”
And then both of them thought for a few seconds until suddenly Zephyr stood up shouting “Eureka”.
“If he says T-bone and coleslaw, I'll shoot myself.” I whispered to Sunset.
“How about setting up an ice rink in the Barnyard, and while people look for things to buy, they can skate?” Zephyr said smiling. "What? I just remembered an episode of Tom & Jerry.”
We all kept an awkward silence...
“Zephyr, man… as an idea it is, how do I put it?” I started to ramble. “It’s horseshit!” I then looked at Sunset. "No offense…"
“Non taken.” She answered me, raising an eyebrow and with a grimace.
“Seriously Zephyr, can't you come up with anything coherent?” Rich asked. “Look, forget it, I'll think about something…”
“Hey, how about…?” But Zephyr was interrupted.
“No, Zephyr, I'm not interested.” Rich said.
“Okay, very good, well, I won't tell you that a beauty pageant could attract people's attention and make you gain new clientele.” Zephyr said without thinking.
“Wait, that's a good idea, it would be the perfect way to advertise. I could even call the local tv channel and advertise it on social media.” Rich said, delighted with the idea. “Now I just need a place to organize it.”
“My pub!” I screamed. “Come on Rich, that could also be very good for me, since, as you see, business has been a little slow lately.”
“Alright, then get it ready for this week, because we're introducing Miss Rich. Sounds good."
“Rich, I’d give the name another thought, it almost seems like you're looking for a wife.” Sunset said.
Rich seemed happy and the truth is that I was too, a beauty pageant would be ideal to attract clientele. After drinking his wine, the businessman left to organize preparations for the pageant.
Soon a red-haired girl appeared with her hair tied up in a blue bow. I recognized her immediately due to her features and age.
“Pound Cake, your sister has come.” I said.
“Pumpkin? What are you doing here?" The boy asked his sister.
“I could ask you the same, mom wanted you to help her in the bakery after school.” She answered.
Suddenly, Pound Cake noticed an object that his sister was carrying in her hand. “What are you doing with that camera?”
“Oh, nothing, a project for school, I just don't know what to record yet.” Pumpkin said.
“You could record over here.” Discord said. “You won't be short of anecdotes, that's for sure.”
“No, Discord, I doubt that what Pumpkin can record here will be suitable for all ages.” I said.
“Well, I’ll see you at home. See you later guys."
And so, the redhead left, leaving Pumpkin with a resigned face.
“Well, a shame she didn’t ask me, because there is a home video contest, and the winner could win up to $3,000.” Timber said.
"3000 bucks? With that money I could pay my part of the renovation and the entrance to the Freeze-O-Matic.” He said excitedly. “If I only had a camera… or I could borrow it from Pumpkin.”
“What makes you think that my sister is going to lend her camera to you?” Pound asked.
“Young Padawan, I can be very persuasive.”
Zephyr left, apparently to hatch his plan. I honestly admired this man's enthusiasm, even though most of the time it was useless.
That afternoon, Rich arrived with a clipboard and a pen, on the sheet of paper he was holding you could read that it was the list of women who were participating in the pageant.
Almost at the same time as the businessman, Zephyr returned to the pub.
“Hey Rich, you could hire me as a pageant judge, or better yet as the girls' stylist. I can leave them like goddesses of Mount Olympus.” Fluttershy's Brother said.
“Zephyr, you are not prepared to be a judge.” Rich said. “Although I might consider you for the stylist job. Of course, assuming there is a pageant.”
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Well, I can't get anyone to participate, goddammit, in this city there’s no initiative at all.” Rich huffed as he threw his pen on the bar.
While I was listening to the millionaire's complaints, I noticed that Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy entered the pub. They sat at a table and Sunset attended the girls, while I approached to talk to them.
“Hello girls. Hey Rarity, how are the preparations for our party?” I asked the fashionista.
“Well, I've been thinking about several outfits inspired by Pulp and Noir novels from the 1940s to the 1960s. I think we can do something fabolous, darling.” Rarity said.
“Are you going to have a party?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yup, what she said, a 40s, 50s, 60s style party; based on the aesthetics of that time and Pulp and Noir themes.” I replied.
“Well, four pretty girls like you in this place alone?” Rich suddenly said, appearing behind me. “Bourbon, charge me for everything they're going to have. Hey Rarity, why don't you help me with the pageant contest I'm preparing? You could unleash your creativity and also advertise yourself, you could even introduce yourself as a participant.”
“I don't know, Rich, I'm too busy for that.” Rarity answered.
“And what about you Sweetie Belle?”
“No offense, Rich, but if I'm entering a beauty pageant, I'd prefer something with a little more glamour.” Rarity's sister answered.
“You take after your sister.” I said laughing.
“Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy?” The millionaire asked again.
“No thanks Rich, beauty pageants are not my thing.” Dash said.
“And… uhm… I don't feel comfortable in front of cameras and with so many people staring at me.” Fluttershy said, getting nervous just imagining it.
“But sis, you already worked as a model once.” Zephyr said joining the conversation.
“I needed the money to pay for college, ok?” Fluttershy said red as a tomato.
“Hey, Rich, look how I'm prepared to be a judge.” Zephyr said as he forced Rainbow Dash to stand up. “Tits, 6 points; butt, 9 points. Verdict: guilty of being so hot.”
At that comment, Rainbow Dash elbowed Zephyr which made him take a step back, he deserved it.
“Ok, that’s it, there won’t be no pageant; and the Barnyard Bargains will close its doors in this city…” Rich said defeated, going towards the bar.
As if all that were not enough, Rich noticed a man in a suit who had entered my pub and Rich made a disgusted face.
“Damn, and on top of that the damn councilman, he must have been looking for me because of the paperwork.” The businessman said. "Good afternoon, sir."
“Rich, they told me I would find you here.” The councilor responded.
“Bourbon, a glass of brandy for this man, I suppose you want to talk about the land grant.” Rich said as I went to get the bottle and a glass.
“No, Rich, I didn’t come to talk to you as a councilman, I come as a father.” The man said. “You see, I found out that you are organizing a beauty pageant, and my daughter would be very really happy to win, the poor thing is full of complexes.” Rich's expression indicated that he knew where the councilman's shots were going. “And, you know… if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.”
“Well, you know that the Barnyard Bargains is a symbol in Canterlot, and I don't really need anything.” Then Rich approached the councilman to whisper. "But, if you closed that new supermarket for me... your little girl would become the future Miss Bargains, I can see her clearly." The businessman said excitedly.
“I'm glad we understand each other.” The councilman took a photograph from the inside pocket of his jacket. “Here she is, her name is Linda.”
Rich picked up the photo and looked at it.
“Holy shit!” Rich shouted with a grimace on his face as he lost his balance and would have fallen if it weren't for a stool behind him. The councilman looked at him strangely. “I mean… such a beauty.” He said with a nervous laugh. “And the name comes in handy. I tell you more, with this beauty there will be no need to rig anything.”
"Excelent." The councilman shook Rich's hand and left.
“Hey, what just happened?” I asked strangely.
“Bourbon, on the day of the pageant don't forget to buy sawdust, because lots of people are going to puke.” Rich said with a lost look and taking a long drink of the brandy that I brought for the councilman.
The next day Rich seemed quite overwhelmed by the pageant while Sunset and I were preparing the stage for said event.
“Rich!” Zephyr said coming out of the bathroom. “I found a girl who wants to participate in the pageant.
"Oh really?" He asked surprised.
“Yes, come on, come out, don't be shy.” He said heading to the bathroom, but suddenly pulled out a blow up doll while laughing. “Look at the girl's face, she's speechless.”
I couldn't help but laugh at Zephyr's stupidity, but Rich was in a bad mood again. Zeph motioned for me to get him a beer and I returned to the bar.
"Zephyr quit clowning, if there are no girls there is no pageant, if there is no pageant the councilman's daughter doesn't win, and if the councilman's daughter doesn't win he won’t close the supermarket..." Rich said, to which Zephyr looked at him without understanding anything. “This one must win…” He said, taking out the photo.
Zephyr caught it while he was drinking and as soon as he saw it, he spit out his beer out of shock. "Fuck! She doesn’t have a nose… wait, no, here it is.” He said taking a better look at the photo before handing it back to Rich. “Well, Rich, I don't know about the rest of the jury, but you're going to have to compensate me a lot…”
“Zephyr you are not a judge.” Said the millionaire.
“Then, as a friend, I tell you. If you want this girl to win you would have to get everyone drunk or take up a collection to pay for her face transplant.” Zephyr answered to which Rich looked at him as if the best idea in the world had crossed his head.
"That’s it! What we have to do is say that the pageant is a charitable event.” Rich said excitedly. “Zephyr, I have to admit that your brain is like a garbage dump, it's full of shit, but every once in a while, you find something valuable.”
Zephyr preferred to laugh at Rich's comment.
“But are you sure that this is going to work, people ain’t that stupid.” I said without believing the scam.
Suddenly Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Rarity came inside.
"Good afternoon." Rarity said. “Tell me, Rich, are there still no participants?”
"I'm afraid so, it's a shame that the girls of this city don't commit themselves to acts like this, and I was doing it for a good cause..." Said the millionaire.
"What cause? Make the neighborhood horny?” Dash asked.
“No, I did it to help a friend's daughter who is very sick. I understand that people only see me as an ambitious millionaire, but the problem…” Rich took Linda's photo out of his pocket. “…the innocents pay for sinners.” He said showing the photo to the girls.
“Oh, no, poor thing.” Fluttershy said putting her hands over her mouth.
“Hey, ain’t this the girl who was on the news because she was attacked by a Rottweiler?” Dash asked.
“No jokes, this girl has a very serious illness that can only be treated in Bitzerland.” Rich said.
"And what is that?" Rarity asked.
“A foreign country that makes good quality clocks and watches and delicious chocolate and cheese.” Rich said, to which the girls looked at him strangely. “Oh! You say the disease... well it’s something very serious, what was it called? “Schweinsteiger Syndrome.”
“Bourbon, have you heard of that?” Fluttershy asked.
“Why are you asking me? I’m a psychologist." I said not wanting to get into that nonsense.
“As you can see, it is quite serious, this girl just wanted to have surgery to be like the others, but with that face she will only be able to taste vinegars. I guess I'll have to call her dad and tell him it can't be…” Filthy Rich took out his cell phone and waited for a certain reaction.
Rarity put her hand on the phone and looked at him. “Look, I can't sit still watching this injustice, count on me for the pageant. I could also take advantage of some dresses from last year's spring-summer collection that I couldn't sell."
"And with me." Fluttershy said. “I don't like having so many people staring at me, but it's for a good cause.”
They both then looked at Rainbow Dash…
“Okay… I'm in too.” She said giving in to peer pressure.
Upon his success, Rich was very happy and ran to where Zephyr was.
“Zephyr, you wanted to help with the pageant, right?” Rich asked. “Well, you have to make this look halfway human so she can win.” He said giving him the photo.
“Win he says… but, she looks like a little child has drawn her.” Zephyr said laughing. “Well, I'll do my best, see what happens... now I’m leaving because I have something to do.”
Zephyr paid and left for who knows where…
Sugarcube Corner was one of the most popular bakeries in Canterlot, owned by the Cakes. Mainly students from both CHS and the University met there, whether for breakfast, a snack or to order a snack to take away.
Zephyr had gone there looking for the Cake twins and was currently talking to Poundcake.
“Very well, you'll see how it's not that complicated, I'll have your sister convinced in less than a minute.” Zephyr said.
Heading to the bar he went to talk to Pumpkin who was behind the counter checking some settings on her video camera while them mother prepared a batch of donuts.
“Hey, Pumpkin, um… can you lend me the camera?” Zephyr asked bluntly.
“Great persuasion, Jedi Master.” Poundcake said.
"Excuse me?" The redhead asked strangely.
“Look sis, Zephyr needs it to be able to record a home video for a contest, lend it to us and we'll give it back to you before the day ends.” Poundcake said.
“So, a contest…” Pumpkin said thoughtfully. “How much is the prize?”
“3000 bucks.” Zephyr said.
“Ok, I want half.” The Cake twin said.
"What?!" Zephyr and Poundcake asked perplexed.
“What do you want $1,500 for?” Poundcake asked.
“To save, for future college, to buy a nice dress… that's none of your business. My camera, my rules.” Pumpkin said.
Zephyr and Poundcake looked at each other, knowing that they would have to give in if they wanted to make a video; Poundcake looked resentfully at his sister while she only returned a look of triumph.
“Okay, you will have your share if we win.” Zephyr said.
“Perfect, I'll record, by the way. So, what's the plan?”
And so, Pound and Zephyr waited for Pumpkin to come out to get organized. Although Zephyr had to leave, because she needed to fulfill what Rich asked of her and find girls for the beauty pageant, they would have time to take care of the video.
The next day, I was smoking a cigarette at the door of the pub when a girl approached me and as soon as I saw her, I deduced who she was. Linda, the councilman's daughter.
“Excuse me, is this the pub where the beauty pageant is held?” She asked innocently.
“Err…” I was paralyzed, she was definitely uglier in person. “Yes, it's inside, talk to Rich and Zephyr, they are preparing the contestants.” She smiled, revealing huge braces, and walked into the pub. “Damn, she's uglier than the back of a refrigerator.”
I finished the cigarette and when I entered, I poured myself a shot of whiskey to cope with the shock, I could see Rich and Zephyr nervously talking to Linda. The contestants were going to dress and put on makeup in the back room, it wasn't the best place, but I never thought about preparing dressing rooms when I set up the pub.
Rich had tried his best to make his ruse work, even the slogan “Beauty Is Inside” was written on the pageant poster. Of course, subtlety in its purest form…
“Don't worry, I'm here to fix you, I've seen this in many movies, and it always works.” Zephyr said. “You take off your glasses, let your hair down, smile a little and suddenly you're the prettiest girl in high school!” Zephyr did everything, but both he and Rich stood still looking at Linda. "Or maybe not…"
“Look, pretty, you go put on your makeup, Zephyr is going to help you now, and when you smile, don’t forget to close your mouth because that gives you a more… sensual look.” Rich said.
Linda walked away leaving Rich and Zephyr worried.
“Damn, more than a dental appliance it looks like the bumper of a Humvee.” Said the millionaire.
“Rich, I don't want to disappoint you, but there's no way they can't see that this is rigged. This girl doesn’t need a stylist, she needs a miracle.” Zephyr said.
“I agree with Zephyr.” I said getting into the conversation.
“Shut up you both, if I was able to pass off a spa as my summer house to the tax collectors, I'm capable of fixing this, plus no one has to know.”
Zephyr left for a second and I went to pour a couple of drinks while Sunset checked that the curtain was properly drawn on the stage.
“Hey, Sunset, how come you haven't entered the contest?” I asked curious.
“Boss, I already know it's rigged, I only enter a contest when I know I'm going to win.” She said smiling very confidently.
That was one of the things I liked about Sunset Shimmer, she gave off an air of self-confidence but without the arrogance she had back in high school.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and Rarity had entered the pub and headed towards Rich.
“Rich, what you're doing with Linda seems incredible to me.” Rarity said leaving Rich speechless.
“Ok, look... there's an explanation for this.” Said the millionaire nervously.
“No, there is nothing to explain.” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s clear what’s going on here. You are a big-hearted guy, not everyone would let a girl like Linda participate in a beauty pageant.”
“Seems like the credit card isn't the only golden thing you have.” Rarity said.
“Yes, well, think that Miss Opportunity is a reflection of the organizer. Because what is important is the interior.” Rich said before his cell phone rang and he had to go outside to answer it.
At that moment, Zephyr headed towards Rainbow Dash.
“Hey Rainbows, before your turn, rub some ice cubes on your nipples.” He said under Dash's serious look. “That's how you win second place.”
I reacted immediately because what Zephyr said gave me a bad feeling.
“How second place? Don't you see me capable of winning?” Dash asked somewhat indignantly. She was very competitive, and even though she didn't like beauty pageants, she wasn't willing to be left behind.
“Yes, I see you capable.” Zephyr said nervously. “But anyone can win here, you can win, Rarity can win, that fetus over there can win.” He whispered.
“Zephyr, how can you be so insensitive?” Rarity said indignantly. “The poor thing is sick; she has Schweinsteiger Syndrome.”
At that Zephyr laughed. “Yes, Schweinsteiger Syndrome and Sandalwood has Bob Marley Syndrome…” The girls looked at Zephyr questioningly. “Well, I’m not saying that Linda isn't sick and that's a lie from Rich.”
At that I choked on my drink.
"What? Linda isn’t sick?” Rarity asked in disbelief.
“Well, I'm not a physician to discuss this. Can confirm nothing, it’s not like the contest is rigged.” Zephyr said.
“Is the contest rigged?” Dash asked, then she approached Zephyr and put pressure on Zephyr's sternocleidomastoid to which Zephyr complained of pain. “Zephyr, tell us right now what's going on here.”
“Okay, okay, don't be rude. Linda is the councilman’s daughter, and if Rich lets her win he will close the competing store.” Zephyr said while complaining about the pain.
Dash let go of Fluttershy's brother and stalked off like a wounded dog towards where I was at the bar.
“Goddammit Zephyr, one more second and you'll even betray your mother.” I said drinking my beer.
“I can't handle the pressure well…” He said sadly.
Meanwhile, Rarity and Dash looked at each other, with only one intention: to give Filthy Rich a lesson.
“Bourbon, put those beers on my tap, I'll go with the Cake twins to see if we can record that video.” Zephyr said before leaving.
The video of the $3,000 contest... something told me that this was not going to end well.
Zephyr and the twins spent an hour on a bench thinking about how to make the video, but no ideas came to mind.
“Come on, Pumpkin, you're supposed to be good at this stuff.” Pound said.
“Sorry but coming up with ways to get someone to break their neck is not something I spend most of my time on.” The redhead answered.
“The thing is, we would also need someone willing to do it.” Zephyr said.
“Yes, someone people laugh at.” Pumpkin said.
“Let it be easy to make a fool of.” Pound Cake said.
“And be foolish enough to say yes.” Zephyr said.
At that moment the twins looked at Zephyr. Seeing the silence that had formed and that the two brothers were looking at him, it was not difficult for Zephyr to put two and two together to know what they were thinking about.
“Ah no, no, no, no…” He said, getting up from the bench.
"Why not?" Poundcake asked. “I think it's a good idea, don't you, sister?”
“Of course, we have everything we need in you.” Pumpkin said.
“But I don't want to break my head, what I want is to win those 3,000 dollars.” Zephyr said.
“Zeph, to make an omelette you first have to break a few eggs.” Pumpkin said. “Besides, I think I know how we can make use of you.”
Pumpkin put on a sinister smile, something that scared even his brother.
“Sis, what’s on your mind?”
“We will only need a pair of skates, a helmet and some firecrackers…” The redhead answered.
It was already night, and the pub was ready for the beauty pageant. I have to admit that even I had a hard time concentrating being surrounded by so many hotties in bikinis, but, of course, then I saw Linda and all my libido completely disappeared.
And speaking of the Devil, she was with Rich, who no longer knew what to do to make things go well.
“Look, pretty, I think we need to focus on your strengths, and your hair is very… thick.” The millionaire said with a nervous laugh. “So, take advantage of it and smear it all over your face.” Rich ruffled Linda's hair trying to hide her face.
Rich walked up to the bar and took a big swig of the whiskey I poured him. I asked him if everything he was doing was really worth it and he simply told me to shut up.
“Don't make me more nervous, Bourbon, I have to talk to the TV people, see if I can get them to only take Linda out from the waist down.” He said leaving in search of the cameraman.
Rich didn't notice that Rarity and Rainbow Dash were watching him from the other side of the pub. Rarity was wearing a purple bikini that matched her hair and a light blue sarong.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, wore a light blue sports-style bikini with rainbow details. For some reason she looked distracted.
"Look, there's Rich, he's going to regret fooling us, remember Dash, when I give you the signal, raise the curtain, okay?" But Rainbow Dash didn't seem to pay attention to her. “And then I will cut your belly open and make a swing with your guts.” The rainbow haired girl just nodded as she looked away. “Rainbow Dash! Are you even listening to me?"
The scream brought Rainbow Dash back to reality.
“Sorry Rarity, but have you seen Soarin? The poor guy shouldn’t have worn those tight jeans.” Said Dash laughing, to which Rarity just looked at her seriously. “Okay, don't worry, you give the signal and I'll raise the curtain.”
Both girls headed to their seats and Rarity met Rich behind the curtain we had put up on the stage.
“Rich, darling, could you put some oil on my back? I want to look more attractive.” Rarity said.
“Of course, Rarity.” He said grabbing the bottle the girl handed him.
“Do you think I have a chance of winning?” She asked turning hier back to Rich.
“Well, perhaps, you shouldn't sell the bear's skin before hunting it, you know well that in beauty pageants the most beautiful one doesn't always win, beauty is something subjective.” Rich said rambling.
“Yes but winning a beauty pageant could be a leap for my career as a fashionista.” Rarity began to get dangerously close to Rich with a seductive tone and placing her right hand on the millionaire's head. “Of course, I had thought that if this is the pageant of the Barnyard Bargains, I would need the help of the owner of the Barnyard Bargains, do you get what I’m saying?”
Rarity brought her face closer to Rich's and ran her right index finger along his chin and the corner of his mouth.
“Well… Rarity, I don't know what you mean.” Rich said starting to get nervous.
At that moment, Rarity grabbed Rich by the buttocks and pressed him against her.
“Oh, that's what you meant…” He said with a broken voice.
Outside the pub, on the street, the Cake twins were trying to convince Zephyr to help them with their plan. The brothers had prepared a ramp next to a bank and in front of it some garbage containers.
“Come on Zephyr, you promised to collaborate to win the prize, plus dressed like this you look like a superhero.” Poundcake said.
Zephyr was wearing a motorcycle helmet and pilot goggles, elbow pads, knee pads, and skates with rockets tied to the back.
“I don't see it clearly.” Fluttershy's brother said. “If it's true that I'm not going to get hurt, then why do I have to wear all this?”
“Look, Zephyr, it's very simple, you just have to position yourself in front of this ramp that we have put on the bank, we light the rockets and you will crash into the garbage containers.” Pumpkin said. "Understand?"
“Yes, and… you look for someone else.” Zephyr said ready to leave.
“Zephyr, you can't give up now, we have a lot of money at stake.” Pound said.
“It's true, you have a talent for this.” Pumpkin said.
“Yes, and I also have a talent for drinking beer on the couch and it’s been a while since the last time I did it, I’m going home to put it into practice.”
Zephyr sat down trying to take off his skates.
“Zephyr, you can't give up now, everything’s coming up us.” Pumpkin said.
“But do you really think this is going to work?” he asked.
“Of course, Zeph, we all have a destiny, and yours is to crash into those containers, which is what you were born for.” Pound responded.
Zephyr looked up determinedly and stood up. “You're right, I'm going to stand here and give myself the biggest blow in history, and with that we'll get the 3,000 bucks.”
Zephyr positioned himself before the ramp giving a signal to the twins.
Pumpkin started recording with the camera and Poundcake lit the rockets. However, none of them noticed Sandalwood coming towards them and caught Zephyr's attention.
“Zeph, what are you doing man?” The hippie asked.
“Well, nothing, working on a video for…”
Zephyr couldn't finish, as the rockets propelled him forward, but not in the right direction...
Inside the pub, Rarity had stripped Filthy Rich of his shirt and was trying to do the same with his pants, but the millionaire was resisting.
“No, Rarity, I told you I can't.”
“Pardon me, but there is someone down here who thinks otherwise.” Rarity said laughing. “I'm going to talk to him face to face.”
Rarity was trying in every way to take off Rich's pants and he was doing everything he could to hold them down.
“No, let go, also think about your conscience, if you win like this you will feel like a vulgar whore for the rest of your life.”
“I think I can live with that…don't try to protect me, Rich, I know how these pageants work and I came here to win.”
Rarity managed to pull down Rich's pants and was now trying to do the same with his underwear.
“I can't, Rarity, I already told you.” The nervous millionaire responded.
"Why not? Why not?" She said that last bit shouting and motioned to Rainbow Dash who prepared to raise the curtain.
“Because the pageant is rigged so that the councilman's daughter wins!”
Rich screamed without realizing that the curtain was gone, everyone in the pub was staring at him and the worst thing was that his underwear had fallen off, leaving him completely exposed.
Rich rushed to pull up his pants while everyone in the pub was laughing, but as he didn't fasten his belt, they fell off by themselves leaving him only in his underpants.
“Wow, people finally came.” He said nervously as Rarity put on the “Miss Bargain” sash and Rainbow Dash approached with a bouquet of flowers and a microphone.
“With all of you, Miss Bargain, Filthy 'Snaily' Rich.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Hey, Rich, dance a little, don't hide the snail.” Discord shouted, laughing in the audience.
“Rich, what are your first words as Miss Bargain?” Dash asked, holding out the microphone to him.
“Is it just me or is it hot here? Can someone open a window please?” Rich asked nervously.
And suddenly, like a stampede, something came through the window that faced the street and rushed onto the stage, crashing into Rich.
It was Zephyr, who for some reason was wearing skates and a motorcycle helmet.
“Zephyr!” Fluttershy yelled as she saw her brother crash into Rich.
"What the hell is going on?" I screamed without believing what I saw.
"Ouch! I broke my soul… I have killed myself.” He said trying to get up and looking around. “At least it seems like I'm in heaven, there are a lot of naked women.”
Rich, still on the ground, glared at Zephyr. “Rich? What have you died of?”
Rich started hitting him with the bouquet of flowers to get him off him.
The next day no one was talking about anything other than the beauty pageant.
And despite the destruction caused by Zephyr's abrupt entry, I had enough publicity and that earned me quite a few clients.
For his part, Rich was really angry, because nothing had turned out the way he wanted. Not to mention that due to the bruise he received, Zephyr had his arm in a cast.
Zeph was with his sister, Rainbow Dash, and the Cake twins at a table while Sunset and I talked to Rarity about what happened.
At that moment Filthy Rich entered with an unfriendly face...
"You! Traitor, don't you have anything to tell me?” He said addressing Rarity while we tried to hold back our laughs. "What's going on with you? Don’t you have another way to see naked men?”
“Rich, darling, you needed a lesson, what you did was terrible,” Rarity said, smiling.
“Yes, and do you know what they call me now because of you?”
“Snaily Rich!” Zephyr shouted from his table. “I almost didn't recognize you with so many clothes on.”
Rich grumbled and ordered me a vermouth.
“At least this will be forgotten soon.”
"I wouldn’t be so sure." Pound Cake said walking over and taking out his cell phone.
The boy showed us a video that had gone viral, of Zephyr breaking the window and colliding with Rich. Obviously, the twins had not uploaded it, otherwise they would have already told us.
“That bastard! The local TV cameraman. Very good, we'll see if he can record when I break his arms.” Rich left the bar very angry to an unknown destiation.
“Damn it, I'm breaking my neck and the guy on TV is the one who gets rich.” Zephyr complained.
“Baby brother, for once, just for once, could you try to get money like a normal person?” Fluttershy asked.
“But that just takes too much time.”
I couldn't help but sigh at Zephyr's quip, but deep down, I knew he was right.
And I didn't quite like that.
Author's Note
Hey, I'm back, sorry for not posting earlier but I was kinda busy and didn't find find time to continue the story.
I sat on one of the bar stools and watched my work done with a mixture of relief and pride. Finally, I had finished decorating the pub, and was ready to open it to the public.
But maybe you’re asking yourself, who the hell am I and why am I here? Well, the first question is simple: My name is Bourbon Maverick, I'm a psychologist and I'm twenty eight years old.
Maybe you're wondering: But didn't you say you just opened a pub? What kind of psychologist are you? Exactly, the truth is that, although I’m in fact a psychologist, I don't like to practice psychology in a conventional way. I've always thought that it is in pubs, taverns and bars, where people usually open more to tell their experiences and their sorrows. These are places that many people consider a second home, a place where they can be themselves without anyone demanding anything in change except paying their drinks and don’t brawling.
Ok, I must admit that I also feel more comfortable in an environment where I can drink a pint of beer or a glass of whiskey if I feel overwhelmed. The truth is that the consultations have always seemed cold places to me, where you don't get to empathize with the patient or really know him.
In the end, we all win with this investment. Long as I get regular customers, and they help me pay my bills with their drinks.
Another cool stuff is live music. I started to look proudly at the stage that I had set up in the hope that over time the customers could enjoy bands of different styles.
I think that answers the questions, although, if I'm honest, I could answer the second one a little more concretely. The truth is that if I'm here, in my empty pub doing nothing, it's because I'm waiting for a girl. No, it's not a date, it's a girl who answered the "Waitress Needed" ad that I put not long ago. A young woman with a lovely voice answered and she seemed kind enough to give her a chance. Now, she just needed to be punctual...
Suddenly someone knocked on the door three times, I went to see who it was, and I came across a young girl, she probably was my age, with red and yellow hair and turquoise eyes.
"Hi, I came for the waitress job," she told me with a smile.
"Sure, come in..." I moved aside from the door and let her pass. I didn’t know why, but that girl sounded pretty familiar to me...
I led her to a seat at one of the tables near the bar and offered her something to drink. She rejected it kindly, good sign, if she refuses to drink under these circumstances, she is less likely to serve herself drinks regularly at work.
I sat in front of her and started interviewing her...
"Well, what's your name miss?"
"My name is Sunset Shimmer." That was when the memories came back to me like a bucket of cold water. That girl was the biggest meanie of Canterlot High School, a girl who stood out for two things mainly: she was hot as Hell and she had the whole school eating from the palm of her hand, but the funny thing is that due to her attitude she was hated and feared at the same time.
I studied in the Canterlot High until one day I had to leave for personal reasons. I finished high school in the land of my grandparents, Lyreland, and I finished my studies of psychology in Manehattan. When I left college I returned to Canterlot. I could not believe that the girl who made everyone's lifes impossible was here asking for a job.
"And what kind of experience do you have in the world of hostelry?" I asked, I wanted to continue the interview to see what happens.
"Well, I worked in a sushi restaurant, and I also worked in a cafeteria to pay for my physics studies." Wow, she studied physics... which somehow it didn’t surprise me. What I knew about Sunset Shimmer was that she was certainly a very intelligent girl. In those days she had been able to manipulate the principal and the vice principal with her silver tongue, so I’ve always imagined her in the world of politics. Thou, with an awake and calculating mind like hers, a science career really fits on her.
"Interesting... do you mind if we do a test?" Yes, I wanted to see her in action, but I would be lying if I did not want to take her to my field. Once at the bar I told her to stand behind it while I sat on one of the stools. "Well, could you give me a Lyrish Car Bomb?"
"Yes, right away." Her enthusiasm surprised me, ordering that drink was not very common. I indicated her where the stout tap was, and she took out a pint glass and filled it halfway. The technique wasn't very good, but being fair, serving stout was not quite easy. After letting it rest, she rummaged through my things and took out a shot glass and a bottle of Lyrish Cream and Whiskey and poured the contents into the cup and put the glass in the beer. "There you got." She poured me the beer with a gentle smile and I answered the same way. Was she really the same bully from Canterlot High?
"It's not bad," I said after taking a sip. "Not many people know this recipe."
"I know, it turns out that an old friend of mine knows it well." She answered, and if my memory did not fail me, I think I could tell who that friend was.
"By any chance, is she Lyra Heartstrings?" I asked openly, and she looked at me rather surprised.
"Yes, do you know Lyra?" She asked me.
"Well, yes, and actually, I know you too." I said after having another sip of my beer, Sunset's expression changed, as if she had suddenly seen a ghost. "If I tell you the truth, I'm not surprised you don’t remember me."
"Uh... who are you?" Her tone of voice was defensive, maybe she wasn’t scared, but certainly she was very surprised.
"My name is Bourbon Maverick, I used to go to Canterlot High like you until I left; ten years later and here I am, back to this city. Anyway, it's normal that you don’t remember me, I lost contact with most of my friends when I left. I don't know if they even remember me either." Sad but true, deep inside I hoped for they remembered me but I wasn't very sure about that...
"Tell me one thing, you left before what happened at the fall formal, right?" She asked to me, I couldn't understand what the Fall Formal has to do with all these, but I just nodded. "You see... that night, something happened, and some people showed me all the bad things I did and that there were most important things in life, but mostly, that I was alone, friendless... I know that for many years I was the worst person who stepped on Canterlot High, and even today, there’s no day that I don’t regret for the evil that I caused, but I can assure you that I'm not the same as before. My past no longer conditions me."
"You know? People tend to judge someone by their past actions, if you cause suffering to an entire high school for years, people won't easily forget it." I explained.
"Yes, but people have already forgiven me for my actions. In those days I let myself be dominated by excessive ambition and I did not realize that there were more important things. And thanks to six girls that I have the luck to call my best friends, now I can say that I am a better person." In that story I could distinguish one clear thing, and that was loneliness. Lonely people who lack empathy for human beings, end up developing a Napoleon Complex that leads them to think that they deserve more than what they already have. If Sunset Shimmer managed to overcome that complex thanks to some good friends, I take my hat off before them. "I'm sorry that you haven't been there to see that change, but if I caused you pain in high school, I only want to tell you that I'm sorry, I'd better go now."
Sunset left the bar and headed towards the door. In another time I would have let her go, but I couldn't help but see sincerity in her words. That manipulative and false Sunset I knew from high school was clearly not this kind and gentle girl who was clearly repented for her past actions. "Wait, Sunset..." I finished the beer in one gulp and she looked at me waiting for an answer. "I'm sorry I've assaulted you in this way, I just wanted to get to know you a little better and find out why you didn’t look like that bully girl I remembered. The work is yours if you want it."
She smiled at me tenderly. "Thank you Bourbon, listen, I will compensate you for any bad memory of the past; trust me, and I will make this pub the most popular place in Canterlot City."
I laughed at the occurrence of Sunset, I did not know if it was because of her enthusiasm or because there was real conviction in his words. Maybe I should add to her profile too enthusiastic . "Ok, if you get it, believe me there will be nothing from the past that I could reproache you..."
Boy, I surely underestimated Sunset, and I couldn’t be happier about it. The activity in social networks and word of mouth worked wonders. At the inauguration I had a pub full of people, and best of all, I met with my old classmates whom I hadn’t seen for at least ten years.
Lyra was the first to greet me, she started to embrace me very happy and turns out that she lives in the same building as me. She was sharing an apartment with Bon Bon, another girl from high school. They where very close friends, too close if you ask me, but hey! I don't like to get involve in other's lifes, unless they pay me for it. I was very happy to see them and I even invited them for a couple of beers. There was also Flash Sentry, who was a good fella, and, as far as I remember, he was Sunset's boyfriend back then. On the other way there was that self-centered girl who played guitar and did magic tricks and always spoke in third person, Trixie Lulamoon.
But those who I was more excited to see again were Big Mac and his sister Applejack. Some time ago, while still living in this city, I used to spend time with Big Mac and even helped him and his sisters with the chores on them farm. That kind of thing united us a lot, at least until I had to leave...
Both, Applejack and her friends, turned out to be also Sunset's best friends. There they were: Pinkie Pie, the greatest party girl on High School and responsible for almost all the festive events; Rainbow Dash, the best athlete we could have had at Canterlot High; Rarity, one of the most gorgeous and popular girls back then, so much that a lot of guys simply considered her unattainable; Fluttershy, the shiest girl I’ve ever seen, but she was truly a beauty and she had a heart that didn't fit in her chest. The one I didn't recognize was that girl with purple hair and glasses, Sunset introduced her to me as Twilight Sparkle and told me that she had been moved from Crystal Prep. If she came from that hoity toity high school obsessed with competition and being superior in everything, she couldn’t be squeaky clean; but once again I was wrong, and that is not a phrase I say very often; that Twilight was not only kind and easygoing but also extremely intelligent, she had studied physics, chemistry and engineering. Boy! She was a nerd!
While I opened a bottle of beer to celebrate the triumph, I saw someone approaching the bar. It was Big Mac.
"Hey Partner! This night is a success." He said as he raised his longneck to toast with me, to which I accepted smiling.
"I owe it to Sunset Shimmer. Geez, if they tell me in high school that my business would depend on the hands of the biggest meanie, I would laugh in their faces."
"Eeyup." Big Mac replied as laconically as always. "But you have to keep in mind that you've spent many years out, and Sunset Shimmer has changed a lot, and for the best."
I turned my head to the right and watched my new waitress chatting happily with her friends. I smiled slightly, thinking to myself how glad I was of being wrong at first with that girl. I stopped thinking about it and I kept talking with Big Mac.
"Well Mac, and what do you do now?"
"Ah opened a store to sell products made in Sweet Apple Acres."
"That's great, and do you have the store in the city?"
"Eeyup."
"So, you live here?"
"Nope."
I looked at Big Mac, surprised by his response.
"Are you still living on the farm?"
"Eeyup." Big Macintosh tone was a little bit concerned.
"Have you thought about moving to the town? You know, just for comfort." I asked my friend who put on a thoughtful expression.
"Yup, Ah once thought 'bout it, but it is difficult to find a rental that is in good and reliable conditions." He commented in a frustrated tone.
"Mac, don't look any further, I have a spare room in my apartment, it's right in the next building. Between us there is confidence and I'm not going to spend renting you either. What do you say? Do you see yourself capable of putting up with me as a roommate and landlord? "
Big Mac's face lit up and he answered me with a loud "Eeeeyup" to immediately we high five to seal the deal.
The rest of the night could be said to have gone by without any noticeable novelty. People drank, danced, chatted, flirted... you know, those things that people usually do in bars.
When it was time to close, Sunset and I stayed cleaning up a bit. After today, real work would come.
"Well, have I kept my promise or what?" The girl with flaming hair asked me with a sarcastic tone.
"Yes, you did what you promised indeed. I would say that with this I forgive you for all the shit in the past, but I would be lying to you." As I said this, the girl's expression changed, she seemed more sad than scared. “Actually, I forgave you the moment I hired you, but I appreciate that you could filling the pub."
After starting to laugh she laughed with me and poked me in the shoulder. "I have the feeling that you're going to be a bit of a bastard boss."
"Only sometimes." I replied with a smile.
In short, my first night with the open pub had been a success, I had hired a great waitress and already had a roommate. I was sure, everything was going to be fucking awesome from now on...
Fortunately, I was wrong...
3 - One Cheese, Four Pies
Cleaning the bar, cleaning the bar, all I do is clean the bar.
While I delighted in some classic rock and watched the job well done, I decided to open a bottle of beer. I earned it.
There were not many customers in the morning, so Sunset and I were relatively relaxed. The only people who were at the bar at the time were Derpy and Berry Punch.
That changed when I saw a guy dressed in a rather peculiar way. He wore a poncho and a cowboy hat covering part of his face.
"Greetings stranger, may I help you?" I asked the newcomer.
"I want a beer please, I would like to share it with an old friend if possible." His voice was deep, giving him a mysterious aura, but surprisingly, I’d swear I heard that voice before.
"Wait a minute, it can’t be, Cheese, is that you?" The man looked up a bit and I could see that he was looking at me mockingly with his green eyes.
"It’s been a long time mate." Cheese took off his hat and put the poncho over his shoulder. I left the bar to give him a hug.
"Dude, what are you doing here?" I asked, happy to see him.
"What do you mean? Didn’t you receive my letter and the bottle of mezcal?" I really had no idea what he was talking about.
"Yes, I received the mezcal, I knew it was yours because your name was in the package, but there was no letter. Unless..." I turned my head to look at Derpy.
"Oh! Do you mean this letter? " Derpy asked, taking an envelope out of her wallet.
"Derpy..." I said facepalming.
"Ups... my bad." she said smiling innocently. If I'm honest, it's almost impossible to get angry with her.
"Derpy, girl, you have to focus more." Said Berry Punch taking a sip of her beer.
Cheese Sandwich was an old friend I met during my raids in Mexicolt. We became good friends because he was also from Canterlot, and in fact he went to study at the CHS just a year after I left. There in Mexicolt we enjoyed one party after another, almost all organized by him, and truth be told, they were always a success. After catching up, we talked about where is he living.
"I still have to find a room to rent." Said Cheese. That gave me an idea.
"Hey, why don’t you stay with me and Big Mac until you find something? I'm sure someone like you can help me cheer him up."
"You know what? I think I'll do that, are you sure you have enough space? " Cheese asked.
"Of course, in my room there's a folding bed that I keep for emergencies, it's yours if you accept it."
"Cool! Then I'll go to the hotel to take my stuff, I'll see you this afternoon so you can tell me where you live."
"Don’t worry, it’s quite easy to find, you'll see how you get used to the neighborhood soon."
After this, Cheese asked me for the account, but I told him no, that I invited. He left and I returned to my glasses of beer.
"I didn’t know you knew Cheese Sandwich." Said Sunset.
"Yes, it's a long story. But he is a great friend, one with whom every day is a party. In fact, it reminds me a little of Pinkie Pie." I said thinking aloud to what Sunset laughed averting his eyes. That gesture seemed strange to me, like someone who knows something and doesn’t say it.
"Oh my… a male version of Pinkie Pie in the city? And then they say I’m chaotic and random... " Said a strangely familiar voice.
"Discord? When did you came?" My brain was still trying to analyze why Discord was at the bar and I had not noticed how it came, but, again, we were talking about Discord, don’t expect logic when he’s around...
Throughout the morning Zephyr Breeze appeared wearing a work overall, I didn’t ask the reason of that suit and I served him a beer and for some reason he ask me for an ice cube. While Zephyr drank the beer, he was looking at the ice cube, it turns out he was calculating how long it took to melt...
How bad is boredom...
"47... 48... 49... Now!" He said raising his hands. "23 minutes with 49 seconds is what it takes to melt an ice." This guy never ceased to amaze me. Even Discord didn’t know whether to hit his forehead against the bar or laugh.
Fluttershy appeared in the pub asking Sunset for a cup of tea, but she came up to us suddenly when she saw her brother.
"What are you doing here, Zephyr?" She asked, surprised. "Look, I don’t know anything about the subject, but I think mechanic apprentices should be in the garage from time to time, right?"
"What's wrong? Can’t I come here to relax a little and eat a sandwich? You must regain strength if you want to work in this, who gets up a car when there is a puncture? The Zeph." Zephyr said speaking in the third person. No, please, with one Trixie we have enough.
Fluttershy simply sighed, but she noticed a detail when her brother took out some coins to pay for what he had drunk.
"Wait, let me see..." Fluttershy said taking her brother's hand. "Such clean hands you have. Zephyr, what do you do in the garage? Do you play the piano while the others change the oil?"
"What? Is it work at odds with hygiene? "He asked indignantly. "In addition, we work with gloves, people’s cars are a mess, you know what they do in the backseats, every precaution must be taken." Zephyr simply laughed while Fluttershy put on a look of disgust. "Well, I'm heading out to work, you know these people can’t do anything without me."
Zephyr was about to leave when he ran into Rainbow Dash, who had just entered.
"Well hello Zephyr, how are you? They already told me about the ruckus you made the other day in the garage. The boss was looking for you.” At Dash's words, Fluttershy and I approached to find out what was going on and I could see Zephyr making gestures to the rainbow-haired girl to shut up. "Judging his expression and the wrench he had in his hand, he didn’t seem to be happy."
Fluttershy stared at her brother and he just confessed.
"Okay, I've been fired." Fluttershy showed her indignation by covering her face. "But the boss is an exaggerated, I forgot to put the handbrake, the car went on reverse, with the bad luck that there were some gas cans... But hey, the firemen came hurry." With that, Dash and I couldn’t help but laugh. The only one who didn’t laugh was Fluttershy.
"Zephyr, seriously, I don’t know how you do it, but you don’t stand in the same job more than one day."
"I know sis, but with the shitty luck I have and how hard is to get a good job... you don’t know the things they ask for: languages, own vehicle, experience, waking up at 9:00 a.m."
"Seriously Zephyr, you need to focus." I said.
I closed to eat and I found Big Mac at home. We started eating at the kitchen counter.
"You alright friend?" I asked.
"Eeyup." Luckily Big Mac had already forgotten the whole problem of the waitress. It would be foolish for me to lose a friend for a girl who was not even his girlfriend.
"By the way, I think you know a guy named Cheese Sandwich, right? "
"Eeyup, he came to CHS shortly after you left. Why?" Big Mac asked.
"Let's say I know him well too... and he's back... and he's coming to live with us."
"Ok... wait, what?" Big Mac was surprised.
"Look, don’t worry, he's going to use the folding bed in my room," I said, trying to play down the issue. "It's temporary, until he finds somewhere else to settle down."
"I don’t know Bourbon... you know, three's a crowd," Big Mac said.
"Come on Mac, don’t worry, besides, I think having a lively and cheerful guy like Cheese will come in handy to get Sugar Belle out of your head." Big Mac looked like he was thinking about it and just nodded. "Well, I'm going back to the pub, there's a lot to organize before the concert."
I had managed to get the band of an acquaintance to come to the pub this night to play some music. I already wanted to hear a bit of live Rock n’ Roll.
Already in the pub, while serving certain customers who came and went, I noticed a young man about my age who was standing in front of the beer taps. The thing that surprised me was that he had been like this for at least fifteen minutes.
"Can I help you with anything?" I asked, drawing his attention.
"Yes." He did not say anything else.
"And how can I help you?" This conversation had just begun, and it was already surreal.
"I'm thinking about what to drink." He said.
"Oh, don’t you know what beer to drink? Do you need any advice? "I asked amicably.
"Technically, I know what beer to drink, but not the size..." Really dude?
"Well, you have half a pint, pint or a liter... it's not that complicated."
"Technically yes, it is; If I ask for a half pint, I may want another one, but if I take a pint, maybe I cannot drink two, and if I drink one liter, maybe I'll get tired of so much beer..." What? That didn’t make any sense.
"Uh... ok." I started walk away slowly, but before taking one more step the young man answered.
"I know, I'll take a pint of Guinneighs." Finally.
"Alright, a pint of stout." I said as I poured the beer into a glass. "So... have you come alone buddy?" I don’t know why I kept talking to him, the silence couldn’t be more uncomfortable than a conversation with this guy.
"No, I’m waiting for somebody."
"Friends?"
"Technically, my girlfriend and her sisters." What a plan... although I must admit that I was surprised that such a character had a girlfriend...
"Here's your beer mate." I said serving him the pint.
"Thank you. I'll be sitting there." And without further ado he went to a nearby table.
The guy was... peculiar, but not peculiar as Discord; No, this one was weird as fuck. Her aesthetic was rather simplistic, the kind that you expect from someone who doesn’t care too much about getting dressed in fashion, and her hairstyle was the typical bowl cut. Also, he was totally emotionless, he didn’t change his expression in all the time he was in front of me.
A few minutes later a girl came through the door.
"Hi." She said.
"Good morning, what do you need?" I asked.
"Whiskey on the rocks, please." She said.
"Of course, any preference?" I said.
"I’ll leave it to your choice."
Luckily, I didn’t have so much customers, that gave me time to take a look at my whiskeys. Finally, I chose one from Lyreland. In a glass I placed a good piece of ice and poured the whiskey.
Unceremoniously the girl turned the glass several times, picked up the ice and put it in her mouth and then put it back in the glass.
"The ice is not bad." She said.
"And... the whiskey?" I asked thinking that she was playing a joke on me.
"I eat the ice first."
"Eh... pardon?" This must be a joke... I bet that Sunset has put hidden cameras and hired these people to troll me.
"What do you think, Boulder?" Suddenly she took a boulder out of his pocket and dipped it a little in the whiskey. "It seems to be fine..."
At that time, I don’t know what was weirder, if that girl asking me Whiskey on the rocks and just tasted the ice, or the fact that she let a rock, a goddam rock, to taste the beverage... thank goodness my grandfather isn’t alive to see this nonsense...
"Hey, out of curiosity... that guy over there won’t be your boyfriend, right?" I asked pointing to the strange customer.
"Oh, there you are, Mudbriar." Well, at least now I could name the guy. "We have dated here with my sisters. I'm Maud Pie, by the way." After introducing herself, she took a sip and went to the table and greeted her boyfriend with a simple kiss on the lips.
Wait, she said Pie? No... sure I had heard wrong, or it was a big coincidence.
Another time later another girl appeared. Her hair was light gray, and her lime green eyes showed an expression of anger against everything and nothing at the same time. The girl wore tight jeans with a belt with spikes and a sleeveless shirt with a black vest, which gave an appearance of rudeness.
"And what in the hell are you looking at?" She told me in a bitter tone. That’s a fucking great starting…
"Welcome to Bourbon's where the bartender stares at the customers as they enter." I released a sarcasm to relax the atmosphere, but it didn’t seem to work.
"Are you going to keep telling bad jokes or can you serve me a drink?" She asked, approaching the bar.
"That depends on what drink you want and how bad you consider my jokes. Even though I understand you, if my jokes seemed to be taken from a shitty sitcom, I would also get drunk." I don’t know if it was my imagination, but I’d swear that the girl held back a laugh. The truth is that she was pretty when you look at her close.
"Can you please serve me a redneck margarita, or do I have to jump the bar and serve myself?"
"Alright." I went for a bottle of tequila and a can of Mt. Dew. After putting some ice, I served tequila and soda. "Here you got."
"Thanks, I need this so I can stand my sisters and now my older sister's boyfriend." She said suddenly, well, well...
"Are you Maud's sister? Because she's there with her boyfriend "
"Ah, I see... today we have to hang out with the happy couple.” She said with a sarcastic tone. "But I'm not jealous eh!" Oh my… escusatio non petita , accusatio manifesta .
"Easy there lady, I never said you were." I said, smirking. "Speaking of which, you didn’t introduce yourself."
"Wipe that smile, or I'll wipe it with a slap." Something in his sentence told me that this threat was not serious. Maybe the slight blush on his cheeks. "I'll go with them, and, by the way, the name is Limestone Pie."
Something told me that Limestone wasn’t mean girl, maybe there was some psychological explanation for her behavior, but at this moment I was a bartender, not a psychologist.
Another girl entered soon after. Unlike Limestone or Maud, she approached the bar in silence and with her head down, hiding her face with a lock of her hair. She was wearing a long gray sweater, a black long skirt and boots.
"Hello, do you want something?" I asked.
She replied with a simple "mmhmm." Why did I have the feeling that this was going to be more difficult than the other three times?
"Let me guess, you're Limestone and Maud's sister, right?" The girl responded in the same way. "And, what do you want to drink?"
She pointed to the Guinneighs tap. "A pint of Guinneighs?" She nodded.
While I was pouring the beer, I started to think about these encounters. It’s true that brothers and sisters tend to be different from each other, but this was kinda ridiculous. This girl was as if they had mixed Fluttershy with Big Macintosh, or worse, because at least Fluttershy can have a conversation and Big Mac too, though he is not exactly a walking dictionary.
"Here you got beautiful." I said, serving the glass of beer. The truth is that yes, that girl was adorable. She smiled at me and I could see her purple eyes. Well, only one of them actually, because the other one was covered with her hair. "Hey, could you at least tell me your name?"
She seemed to think about it, until finally, almost with a whisper, she said: "Marble Pie." And then she retired with her sisters and Mudbriar.
I saw the four of them sitting there talking. While I lost myself in my thoughts and my beer, then I heard the sound of the door. I couldn’t even imagine who it could be...
"Hi Bourbon!" Pinkie Pie said as cheerful as ever.
"Hey, Pinkie, how are you?" I asked.
"Great, I dated here with my sisters, have you seen them by any chance?" No, it couldn’t be…
"Pinkie... tell me those three girls are not your sisters." A part of me wanted it not to be true.
"Of course they are, you silly." Okay, what I was missing... "Hello girls!" Pinkie yelled at her sisters who reacted differently: Marble almost hid under the table, Limestone facepalmed and Maud greeted with her hand staring at Pinkie without even blinking. "Bourbon, prepare me a Lyrish Coffee please and bring it to the table, so I can introduce you as it should be."
"Oh, don’t worry Pinkie, you don’t have to. Besides we already know each other." Pinkie Pie ignored me, typical, and she went to greet her family.
Anyway, better prepare the drink to the pink whirlwind that I call ‘my friend’. Coffee, whiskey, milk, lots of cream, as Pinkie likes, and a little bit of cinnamon. After placing the cup on a plate, I went to that table full of crazies.
"Bourbon! Thank you very much. " Pinkie told me after pouring coffee. "Let me introduce you. My sisters: Maud Pie, Limestone Pie and my baby sister for a few seconds Marble Pie."
"Wait a minute, your baby sister for seconds? But that would mean you're twins..." And I thought that this couldn't be weirder.
"We are." Okay, now I was tottally lost. "Look."
In the blink of an eye, Pinkie fixed her hair just like Marble and I was dumbfounded. I didn’t ask how Pinkie had done that, and at this point nothing surprised me about her, but despite the color of their hair and theirs eyes, those girls were identic.
As soon as she did that, Pinkie's hair returned to its normal style.
"Technically Pinkie, we had already met the barman." I swear to all the gods I believe in and those who don’t, that if he says 'Technically' once again I put him in a cider barrel and throw him down the hill...
"Oh yeah, and Mudbriar, Maud's boyfriend," Pinkie said with some annoyance. It seemed that she didn’t hold Mudbriar in the highest regard either.
After a brief silence I went to get my beer and sat with them for a while. There were hardly any customers, so I had no problem.
"So... what do you do for a living?" I know that’s a pretty common topic, but I didn’t know what to ask.
"Good question, Maud has a Ph.D. in geology, and Mudbriar is dedicated to something that has to do with wood and so on." Pinkie said in response to them.
"Technically Pinkie, it's called Dendrology; and now I'm preparing my doctorate in Dendrochronology." Wow, that really surprised me.
"Wow, doctorate in Geology and Dendrology, quite impressive." I said. The truth is that yes it was impressive, get a PhD was not a minnow, especially in those fields of study.
"I have studied rocks all my life, now I’m focused on the study of minerals and gems." Maud said with her usual monotony.
"Sticks and rocks ... I'm sure there's a joke out there but I can’t find it." Only Pinkie apparently laughed at my comment. "And you two, what do you do?"
"We work in the family mine. Well Ma and Pa are still the owners, but I run the business, and Marble helps me with work." Limestone said, apparently proud of her achievements.
"You run a mine? Impressive." Certainly it was, from my own experience I know how difficult it is to run a, everyday business, but a mine is completely another issue.
"Do you know that Bourbon is a psychologist?" Said Pinkie suddenly and everyone looked at me with curiosity.
"And what are you doing working in a bar?" Limestone asked puzzled.
"Well, to begin with, because this pub is mine, and second, because I thought it would be more fun to put my career into practice this way." I explained.
"It doesn’t seem like a very conventional way to practice psychology." Maud said.
"And it’s not, but I have the theory that people tend to express themselves better to a bartender than to a psychologist as such. I prefer to work with stools than with divans." I don’t know how many times I have explained that. That would be my catchphrase in my business card.
"That... kinda make sense." Mudbriar said. "Technically, people open up more in familiar environments, and for many of them a pub or tavern is like a second home."
"Wow, you seem to have understood."
"Yes, your methods are unconventional, but so many times I think you chose this life because you really like beer and whiskey." Said a strangely familiar voice behind me.
"Discord! Where do you come from? "I asked, surprised to see the eccentric philosopher.
"My place, where else did you expect?" Ugh, that joke hurt.
"That joke was as funny as a volcanic catastrophe." Maud said.
"And your monotony could break glass, Maud. Anyway, Bourbon, serve me a beer when you can." Saying that, Discord went to the bar and sat on a stool.
"Well, it's been a pleasure; see you later." I said as I went back to the bar and Pinkie said goodbye waving her arm effusively.
Behind the bar, I opened another longneck and gave it to Discord. Sunset arrived after five minutes and stopped to greet Pinkie and her sisters. Then she came to the bar with me.
"Hey boss, have you met Pinkie's sisters and her brother-in-law?" He asked me.
"Yes, they’re… a peculiar family..."
"And you haven’t met their parents yet, do you think the Apple family is traditional? Well, Pinkie's parents truly are old fashioned." If that was true, I wonder what the opinion of them pink haired daughter’s lifestyle would be.
"The truth is that they have intrigued me so much. I know that Pinkie is affectionate by nature but, seeing how well she gets along with her sisters is incredible." I said.
"You're making an opinion as a psychologist, aren’t you?" Discord said after sipping his beer.
"No, I don’t! Well yes maybe a little... but I think I've come to understand them a lot in the time I've shared with them."
"Well, tell us." said Sunset Shimmer paying attention to me.
"Very well." I cleared my throat and began my explanation. "First, we have Maud, she is the oldest, and therefore was expected that headed the family business; however, she decided to follow her own path, and now she has a doctorate. Maud is expressionless and quite reluctant to show her emotions, quite the opposite of Pinkie, but still shows genuine affection both for her sisters, specially Pinkie, and for her boyfriend too."
I continued the explanation ...
"Limestone, on the other hand, I would say that she suffers from the classic syndrome of the middle child. A middle child always tends to take less attention from parents because it was taken by the eldest son and the youngest; maybe that's why Limestone seems so grumpy, and she's reluctant to contact with others and hides her emotions under a shell of rudeness; Being the next one in the line of succession, she takes care of the family business, maybe she didn’t want it, or maybe she wanted to do other things in life, but for one thing or another she couldn’t. And yet this was the opportunity she needed to show her parents and herself that she really was capable for something."
"As for Pinkie and Marble, the little twins, they're totally opposite. Pinkie is extroverted, vivacious and always seeks fun; Marble on the other hand, is withdrawn, shy and avoids people. But I can see the love that they have and that they really complement each other. The fact that Marble lets Pinkie speak for her demonstrates the degree of confidence she has in her twin sister."
"Bourbon, the twins are supposed to have more connection than other brothers, how do you explain that Pinkie gets along better with Maud than with Marble, or with Limestone if you ask me?" Asked Sunset Shimmer.
"Good question. It is very common in little brothers to feel a huge admiration for their elder brothers. And on the other way, older siblings tend to protect the little ones. You have already noticed that Pinkie has Maud on a pedestal, even avoiding all the strange things about her; and Maud, you can see that she has a certain weakness for her little sister."
"I think that makes sense..." Discord said lighting a cigarette.
The night arrived, and preparations began. After receiving the band, I found out who would be my sound technician.
"Vinyl!" I said when I saw the blue haired DJ and pointing my fingers to her.
"What's up Bourbon?" She said taking off her headphones but keeping her purple sunglasses.
Vinyl Scratch was a vivacious girl who used to go by her own without messing with anyone during high school. After she graduating, she devoted herself body and soul to her true vocation: being a DJ. Her stage name was DJ-Pon3 and although she was DJing dubstep even during high school, the truth is that more than once she had helped the Rainbooms, Sunset Shimmer and her friends’ band, as a sound technician. And now she was here, helping me with the concert.
Preparation of materials, sound test, and the show begins...
The group played classical rock songs that I loved, and it seemed that the audience too, because many preferred to dance instead of sitting at the bar or tables.
Sunset and I took turns between the tables and the bar to serve the customers, although I didn’t miss the opportunities to chat with people or even dance to the music, even though I wasn’t quite much of a dancer.
I admit that I was very motivated when they played Bad Moon Rising
When I went back to the bar to continue serving customers, Pinkie accompanied me to chat.
"This party is great Bourbon!" She said euphorically.
"I'm glad you like it Pinkie, the truth is that everything is moving along nicely." I said while preparing a whiskey cola.
I went to the other end of the bar to serve the client, when I saw Cheese enter the door. This time he wore neither a poncho nor a hat, but a simple yellow shirt with the first buttons open. He grimaced with satisfaction at watching the general mood at the party.
"I see that in the end I taught you how to throw a real party." He said with a proud tone.
"Thanks Cheese 'modesty' Sandwich." I opened a beer to Cheese and told him that it ran at my own expense. He told me that he had finnally settled and left his things in the room. Suddenly something distracted him, and he didn’t listen to me...
"Excuse me, but there's something I have to do..." Without further ado Cheese went to the dance floor.
To my surprise he went to talk to Pinkie. Oh boy, that was something I didn’t want to miss for nothing.
While the band played the song Some Might Say
"Excuse me miss, it seems that you’re having fun... " Cheese said making himself interesting.
"Yay, this is great!" Pinkie didn’t seem to know what was happening around her while dancing. "By the way, your voice sounds familiar to me..." Pinkie turned around and her eyes widened.
I swear, I had never seen Pinkie so quiet in all my life. It gave me goose bumps...
"Cheese?" She asked, so they already knew each other.
"Hi, Pinkie." Cheese smiled and couldn’t say anything else, because Pinkie gave him a hug hanging on his neck that gave me the impression that he was going to suffocate my colleague.
Those two began to chat and did not notice what was happening around them. I had several questions, but it didn't seem right to interrupt, so I simply went back to the bar and poured myself another drink.
With Jack and apple juice, I prepared a tasty Apple Jack. The band kept playing and I could feel the taste of whiskey and apple juice running down my throat. Whiskey has a curious effect on me; for some people it makes them forget, but for me it just makes me think about life and my past decisions; so I got lost into my memories to the point where I didn’t even notice who had arrived until they called me three times.
"Bourbon, do you hear us?" As I looked over to where the voice came from, I could see nothing more and nothing less than Big Mac with his two sisters. I stayed staring at them like an idiot a few seconds, but It didn’t take me long to get out of the bar and wave them properly.
"Bourbon!" Oh boy! I couldn’t believe how Applebloom had grown. She was just a 12 years old girl when I left... Now she was quite developed, so to speak, and she even wore a Stetson as if she imitated her older sister. She gave me a hug so hard that it almost took my breath away.
"My goodness, Applebloom... man, you have grown!" Seriously, when that curious and troublemaker girl, who didn’t stop messing with her friends had become this little woman?
"It seems that the one that doesn’t change at all is you, always with booze in hand..." Applejack said smiling. I responded to his gesture and laughing while I left my drink at the bar for a while.
"Well, that's me! I don’t like to go all thirsty." AJ and I laughed at my comment. At some point, Big Mac and Applebloom left to ask for something from Sunset, leaving me alone with Applejack. "How are you doing? Since I opened the pub, you have not spent much here."
"Yup, I'm sorry, I'm very busy with the farm chores these days." That’s Applejack, laborious and responsible. But I couldn't stop thinking that she wasn't telling me all the truth. Applejack never was a good liar.
"A little bird told me that you have a boyfriend." I really didn’t want to know, but I needed to make sure.
"Oh, yes... yes I do." That phrase felt like a pail of cold water, although I noticed a certain discomfort in her speech. Not to mention that she avoided eye contact when talking about the subject. "I'll go with Applebloom and Big Mac; by the way, Bourbon, thanks for helpin’ mah brother, he's havin’ a terrible time with his breakup with Sugar Belle."
"Yeah, you can say that again, but hey, that's what friends are for." The incident with Melon Mint suddenly came to my mind. But I decided not to think about it.
Applejack smiled at me and after taking her beer she went to her brother and her sister, leaving me melancholic and with the only company of my drink and the rest of the bottle of mezcal that I still kept.
"Boss, are you okay?" Sunset suddenly said, appearing next to me, where did she come from?
"Sunset! Yes I'm fine, don’t worry."
"I saw you talking with Applejack, and you have that long face... is there something wrong between you both?"
"Nope, nothing in particular, seriously, don’t worry." Sunset Shimmer's gaze told me that she didn’t believe me. Maybe it was my imagination but I saw her trying to touch my arm for some reason, but she stop suddenly. Thank goodness I had clients to attend to, so she freed me from that uncomfortable interrogation.
The concert was a success. When it was over, just few of us were at the bar, Sunset and her friends, Big Mac, Pinkie's sisters, Vinyl, Berry Punch, Derpy, Flash Sentry, Cheese Sandwich, Discord and me. Since we were not too many, I decided to invite everyone to a round.
What surprised me most was that Vinyl had decided to put on a few slower songs, and while it was playing Only You
I have to say that at the end of the night everything was perfect.
Another day, another pint of beer. The morning was being relaxing, the only customers that accompanied me at the bar were Filthy Rich having a coffee while reading the newspaper and Zephyr Breeze who was looking at a girl at a table as if he were stripping her with his eyes. On second thought, I think that was exactly what he was doing...
Suddenly, a man with a briefcase came through the door, I thought he was a beer supplier, but I was wrong.
"Morning gentleman, what do you need?" I asked kindly.
"I'm looking for a man named Filthy Rich, they say he used to stop around here." Without me noticing, Filthy Rich had hidden with me behind the bar; when and how he got there, I have no idea...
"Well..." Rich motioned me not to say anything. "Well, I don’t know, I haven’t seen him here today..."
"Okay, if you see him, please tell him the gas company is looking for him." As soon as the man left, Rich got up and with a sigh returned to his stool.
"Alright Rich, can you explain me what the hell was that?" I asked confused.
"Those guys from the gas company, they’re pressuring me to pay them." Said Filthy Rich.
"Wait a minute, Filthy Rich with debts? Am I in a parallel universe or something?" Zephyr asked laughing.
"It's not that imbecile. It turns out that I ordered them to fix the boiler in my mother's house and they didn’t arrive on time; my mother spent a week washing herself with pots of water that she heated in the kitchen. I don’t feel like paying them." Although what Filthy Rich was doing it wasn’t right, I couldn’t help but thinking that he had good reasons…
After finishing his coffee and leaving some tips, the rich man left.
"I love this man's tips." I said as I rang the bell.
The morning continued and I gradually filled the bar, with Discord, and also Big Mac, who took a break in the store. Shortly after, Berry Punch appeared too.
"Well Mac, and how are you doing?" I asked.
"Not so bad, I suppose."
"And you, Berry? Lots of work?"
"The usual stuff, I suppose a beer in the morning helps cope with stress." Berry Punch replied.
"You’re kinda depressing... you with your heartache and you, the one who drowns her sorrows in miles, and miles of booze." Discord said mocking.
"Look who’s talking! The one who can’t stop messing with others." Said Berry indignantly.
"It's true, you're always insulting people; like when you keep calling me a scrounger or useless." Zephyr said complaining.
"Well excuse me, but I don’t insult, I describe people; and if I tell you that, it is because you are." Discord said, and immediately began to imitate Zephyr. "Bourbon invite me to a beer, Fluttershy sis, let me stay at your house because our parents are sick tired of me and I haven't any place to live..."
We all started to laugh, we had to admit that Discord was right.
"Dude, don’t be that cruel with poor Big Mac." Zephyr said without knowing anything.
"He was imitating you Zephyr, sometimes you’re so fool." Big Mac said.
"I’m a fool, huh? Maybe I prefer don’t get lost in my inner world and just drop monosyllables like you." Zephyr said and began to imitate Big Mac." Eeyup ... Nope ... Eeyup ... I know more words, but don’t want to talk more."
Berry Punch laughed enough to get the attention of my fellow farmer.
"Don’t look at me like that, Big Mac, maybe if you saw yourself from our perspective you would laugh; or how would you do: ' hehehe Eeyup '."
"Oh yeah? Let's see if ya find this funny: 'Bourbon! I already drank a pint of beer, two bottles of wine and three glasses of rum, but I'm still tipsy, bring me some cider." Big Mac imitated a drunken accent as he pretended to stagger.
The arguing began to heat up and those four were already yelling all together. I decided to intervene so they wouldn’t scare the customers.
"Alright guys, stop." Nothing. "Guys, stop!" Nothing, and I was getting tired. "Silence!" Well, it was time to try to cheat them. "Happy hour, one pint for free!" Finally, everyone fell silent and looked at me expectantly. "Everybody get out! Go argue to the fucking street!"
They started to leave in a procession towards the door...
"Fuck, now that there was happy hour..." Zephyr complained, apparently not realizing that I lied to them.
After leaving, I snorted and went back to the bar. Sunset looked at me strangely, holding a tray.
"Really, with friends like that, it makes me want to go back to Lyreland." I said opening a bottle of beer.
That same afternoon Discord arrived and barely said a word, he only asked for a beer and I served him. He really had a nasty face, he looked like a vegetarian in a slaughterhouse.
I put the beer with a loud "clack" on the bar, then he left the money giving a blow, and I picked it up with another blow. You could certainly cut the tension with a knife.
Big Mac arrived after a while and didn’t say a word either. It seemed that it was going to be a silent evening until Berry Punch arrived...
"Bourbon, please give me five pints of beer, three glasses of wine and a glass of whiskey," she said and looked at Mac and Discord. "Is it too much? I don’t know, because I'm a drunker and I don’t have self-control... "
"Prepare yourself Bourbon, your toilet is going to smell like a distillery all day long." said Discord carelessly. "Don’t look at me like that, didn’t you say that I only insult people?"
As if out of nowhere, the missing one appeared. "Bourbon, come on, invite me to a beer." Said Zephyr Breeze without paying attention to his surroundings.
"Awright, does anyone else join to sarcasm?" I asked rhetorically, but Zephyr looked at me strangely. "It wasn’t sarcasm, was it?" Zephyr grimaced as if he didn’t know what I was talking about. "Come on guys, you can’t go on like this; we're all supposed to be friends, despite everything..."
Disguisedly Zephyr tried to grab Discord's beer, but Discord was smarter and swipe him with his hand.
"Get out of there! For fuck’s sake, can anyone explain to this imbecile that a sponger is not someone who loves sponges a lot?" Discord said.
"As I was saying, you have to change your attitude, at this rate you would be able to let you flay before recognizing your faults." I said, trying to bring harmony.
"Yes Bourbon, but this is what we are, Big Mac will always be the monosyllabic brother of Applejack, Zephyr is a twenty-year-old who lives off rents, Discord a chaotic troll and I'm the secret mistress of Mr. Jack Daniel." Berry Punch said resignedly.
"Well, I think yer right, Bourbon." Big Mac said. "I think that from now on I'm going to let go more of the world, be more assertive and impulsive."
"Very well Big Mac, that's the spirit," I said. "Come on guys, if Big Mac proposes to change, why don’t you?"
"Okay, I'm not going to be less; I know it's going to be hard, and maybe I’ll get some enemies... but I'm going to stop drinking at least until my daughters come home over the weekend." We were all surprised by Berry's words. His daughters were out with some friends and would not return until Sunday, that basically was four days without drinking. A record for Berry Punch.
"You? Stop drinking? What do you want? Take Bourbon to bankruptcy?" Discord laughed but we all looked at him disapprovingly. "Okay, fine, I promise not to mess with people."
After that, our eyes went to the same point, towards Zephyr Breeze.
“But... not me, what Discord is trying is easy, not mess with people, but how do I get money for my stuff?" He asked.
"Well, you can search for a job, like everyone else," I said. "Come Zephyr, do it to improve as a person, to get ahead, for..."
"What if we bet 50 bucks?" Discord interrupted me, surprisingly everyone accepted.
"Very well, if you want it that way, so be it; I will act as treasurer, and remember that this is not a single minute a day thing, it has to be constant." I said, making a point in the bet.
"Well, come on, let's start soon, the sooner we start, the sooner I win the bet. Not being a sponger is going to be super easy." Zephyr said as he urged into his trouser pockets. "Who can lend me the 50 bucks?" We look at Zephyr disappointed.
After collecting money and putting it in a box, I retreated for a second to where Sunset Shimmer was.
"Now they even bet on this?" She asked.
"If that motivates them to change, who am I to prevent it? Psychology Sunset, you have to use psychology." Suddenly, a revelation crossed my mind. "I bet 50 bucks they all fail."
"My, my, look at the psychologist... You indeed have confidence in your 'patients'." She said putting the quotation marks to 'patients'.
"Do you really think that in four days these four will change?" I said sure of my victory.
"I don’t know, but at least I trust Big Mac, so I bet my 50 bucks for him."
I accepted Sunset's bet and we both went back to work. The rest of the day did not seem too complicated.
The next day, I was in the Big Mac store to buy cider for the pub. He was placing products on the shelves when Discord suddenly entered.
"Good morning gentlemen."
"Morning Discord, how's everything going?" I asked wanting to know how he was doing with his purpose.
"Fuck, why would I accept the bet? Only in the faculty it's impossible not to laugh, the nerds, the SJWs crying for everything, those who thought that Plato was a planet... " Discord said enumerating characters from the university. "And the stutterer with that tic, he’s awful at speaking, but the bastard loves it... I don’t know what I don’t know what will be next..."
After saying this, Big Mac caught his attention by touching his shoulder, and when Discord looked at him, he stuck out his tongue to show a piercing that had been done on his tongue.
"Holy Mother, Big Mac, please tell me you ate an oyster and it had a pearl." Discord said putting his hand on his forehead and averting his eyes.
"Nope." Big Mac replied.
"For the love of... but, how do you come up with a pisces of those?" Discord asked.
"Piedcing... Pied... a baddel damn it." I tried to hold my laughter, but worse was happening Discord who was suppressing a huge desire to laugh his ass off right there. "And you zay I wazn’t impulzive... Yezterday I zpent half an hour on the buz talking about politicz with a ztranger, and I have no idea of politicz."
"Oh my gosh.” said Discord, still holding his laugh.
"Hey, yer making fun of me..." Big Mac said pointing.
"Me? No, I said it's good that you're more assertive, well azzertive, as you would say..."
"Well, be cadeful, becauze if you loze your bet you will loze 50 buckz, and without them ya won’t be able to buy... azpadagus." Big Mac was being a bit of a dick, but at that moment I didn’t know what made me more funny, the way my roomie was speaking or Discord holding the urge to laugh. "Do you find it funny how I zay azpadagus?" Discord pursed his lips and shook his head. "Did you know that they are also called spaddowgrazz? I uzually pick 'em up in my wheelbaddow..."
Suddenly the attention was diverted to Zephyr who had entered the store and was drinking from a bottle of apple juice as well, by the face.
"Hey! What ade you doin’ Zeph? "Big Mac shouted without being able to pronounce well, to which Zephyr was surprised.
"Hey, have you changed your accent?" He asked without knowing. "Hey, look how I make a pirate accent. Arrrr, ye scalliwags, let's drink some grog! Come Discord, try it."
"No Zephyr, Big Mac has put on a piercing." He nodded at Big Mac, to which Zephyr looked confused.
Big Mac then stuck out his tongue showing the bar that was stuck in it.
"Ahahahahah, you have put a piercing on your tongue. It ain’t enough for you to have two decorative balls that you have to put on another one?" Big Mac looked indignant as Discord tried not to laugh. "Don’t you get it Discord? The balls, of ornament..." He said pointing at his genitals. "Fuck man, the testicles! I have to explain everything to you."
"I do get it, but I don’t find it funny." Discord was really having a hard time not being able to laugh. I personally watched the scene as a mere spectator. "Hey Zephyr, didn’t you have to look for a job?"
"Uhm... yes, but it's not easy..."
It was there when I decided to get into the conversation. "Seriously, Zephyr will stop being a fool before being a sponger."
"Oh yeah? Alright, this is it, I'm going to get a job so good, that the first thing I'll do with my first salary will be buying your pub to rename it 'Fuck you Bourbon I got a job." After that Zephyr left and Discord put his hand in the mouth to not laugh.
"Okay, that’s enough, I'm going home." He said between light laughter. "Although with the luck that I have for sure, I’ll concur in the elevator with the fourth-floor midget."
Once they left, I told Big Mac to take a couple of barrels of cider to the pub when I could. After that, I went to my job so that Sunset would not miss me.
Berry Punch entered the pub and ordered a black coffee. That was a milestone, Berry asking for coffee and without adding whiskey, rum or brandy. Big Mac entered the pub carrying some barrels and a small box with bottles.
"Hi Beddy." It was funny how Mac could not pronounce Berry's name correctly. "Look, I brought you a box of alcohol-free zider; I know it's not the zame, but maybe it helps you."
"Thanks Mac, it's a detail."
"Oh, by the way, I thought a diztraction would come in handy, zo I took this book for you at a garage zale." Said Big Mac, pulling out a small book from his jacket pocket. "I think you might like it. I'm leaving, Boudbon don’t fodget pay me at home." While Mac was leaving, Berry stared at the book.
"Hey, look at this, he dedicated it to me..." She murmured and began to read the dedication for herself. Maybe it was my impression, but I would swear that Berry had a few tears.
"Hey Berry, what do you think about the book?" I asked, drawing her attention.
"Uh? I… well, I think it's fine." She said, wiping a tear away covertly. "The truth is that I couldn’t imagine that it would have such beautiful things written... I think… I think I can give him a chance..." I looked at her, surprised by that comment. "To it, to the book I mean..."
In a while Filthy Rich came to the bar and ordered a vermouth, which I served him without problems. Later Zephyr arrived Breeze with a sports bag under his arm.
"Zephyr, aren’t you suppose to be looking for a job?" I asked.
"Yes, and I've found it." He said proudly.
"Well boy, congratulations, and what is the job?" Asked Filthy Rich.
"Well, it's in a company and it's related to money, let's handle money, and a lot of money, uh... I keep accounts, bills, invoices..." He said trying to explain his new job.
"What are you? Accountant? " Discord asked, sipping his beer.
"Something like that ..." Zephyr suddenly looked at his watch. "Oh, how late, thank goodness I’m near of it, I put on my uniform and I'm with you right away." Then he went to the bathroom, and soon came out wearing a suitcase and carrying a briefcase.
"Zephyr, how elegant." I said.
"Pretty good, huh? It feels good to have a job."
"Yes, that's all very nice, but you didn’t tell us what’s your job." Pointed Discord.
"I'm a debt collector. I chase the defaulters and urge them to pay."
"You’re a debt collector?" Filthy asked Rich with a laugh. "Oh, poor man who has to put up with you all day."
"Yes, you can’t imagine." Then Zephyr approached Rich and placed the palm of his hand facing up. "Filthy Rich, pay what you owe to the gas company."
We were stunned by this revelation. Rich simply finished the vermouth and left grumbling with Zephyr following close behind ...
"Shit... and I cannot make fun of Rich. Life isn’t fair." Discord complained. "Bourbon, bring me a coffee, please."
I called Sunset to prepare the coffee, while I removed the empty glasses and cleaned the bar a little.
Suddenly Big Mac came in wearing a brown fringed jacket that looked like it was taken from an Indian reservation.
"Big Mac is wearing a fringed jacket," said Discord, drawing my attention. "With fringes... a fringed jacket! Aren't you going to say nothing to him?" He said that question almost begging, the truth is that for once I liked to see Discord like that. Although at times it was a bit cruel.
"Yes, it's cool. By the way, Big Mac, they called from the 60s, they asked if you can give back the jacket to Denis Hopper." I said laughing and Discord accompanied me both of us won a disapproving look from the eldest Apple.
"Hey, don’t look at me like that, I'm laughing with Bourbon. You see? There's no laughing anymore..." Well, that was not quite true, since Discord still laughed; which became more visible when Mac started talking...
"Look, I don’t cade if you laugh, I caught thiz jacket in a countdy concert years ago and I neved dared to wear it, but that waz the old Big Mac, the new one iz launched and daring." He said as he retired to the toilet.
Discord took the coffee and prepared to go to a table, but to his disgrace he collided with Berry Punch who was reading...
"Discord! Are you a moron? Look at my book!" She screamed complaining and pointing to her stained coffee book.
"Alright, don’t worry, give me a second..." Discord then ripped one of the pages stained before Berry’s look of stupefaction.
"Discord, you rip one more page and you're going to shit phrases until new year." She said, pushing the book away.
"Holy shit, don’t you think you’re overreacting Berryshine? This kind of cheap novels are all the same bullshit. Read one read all."
"Oh Discord... that’s because you're not in love." Berry said with a sigh. Discord just made a weird expression after hearing that. "It's... I’m talking about the main character... who is in love with a tough farmer, and suffers because she knows that Big Mac feels the same for her... I mean...!" Berry stammered, but the words did not come out.
"Yeah, and which chapter are you reading? 'I have a crush on Big Mac part 1'?" Discord asked sarcastically.
"What are you talking about Discord? Me? Having a crush on Big Mac? Don’t be ridiculous..." Both Discord and I looked at her strangely. "Well… maybe I like Big Mac a little... well who says a little says a lot, I would say that my heart is a sea raging with passion..."
"Oh my gosh, I think that was the cheesiest thing I've ever heard in my whole life." I said.
"Don’t look at me like that, it's a phrase from the book."
"Aha..." Discord took out a notebook and started writing.
"What are you doing?" Berry asked.
"Nothing, write down the things that I would have told you before and now I can’t." Berry only looked menacingly at Discord, who kept his notebook and pen. "Ok, sorry, let's see, what happened?"
"He declared to me." Berry said excitedly. "And with such a beautiful dedication in the book... I know it by heart, I like it so much that I even fear to erase it when I read it with my finger."
Discord laughed a little at the reverie of our friend. "Oh my, you women are strange, you hear some compliments in the street and nothing, instead they write it to you, they change four words, and you are already letting go of the tears." Before that comment Berry simply left the book to Discord for the first page, the one in which the dedication was. Discord read carefully and I could see how his expression changed and even looked like he was going to cry. The chaotic philosopher glanced briefly at Berry, who seemed to have a triumphant expression. "Eh... the paper in this book must be onion paper..." He quickly returned the book and rubbed his eye.
"You see? He is a romantic fella, because that's what I like, romanticism... "
"Yes, of course, like when you said to that biker: 'When you finish riding on the motorcycle, I'll show you something else to ride.' " I said while Berry blushed.
"Or like when you said that what you were looking for in a man was to buck like a brave bull and have the stamina of a lion." Discord added.
"Ok, ok, but with Big Mac things can be different..." Berry Punch said blushing.
While Discord was asking me for another coffee, I saw Mac leave the service and go to Berry.
"Hi Beddy, I zee you're readin' the book," Mac said. "According to Twilight, it's not so much the content as the message. But I don’t know if that means zo much to ya. Well, we'll talk about it tomoddow night when the bet iz oved. "
Big Mac left before Berry's watchful eye, which seemed to be scanning him as if X-rays were coming out of her eyes.
"Well, get ready, because I'm going to tear your clothes off with my teeth. Let's see if you're lucky and you're wearing that tacky jacket on." She thought out loud.
Just as Big Mac came out, Filthy Rich came in again followed closely by Zephyr.
"Bourbon, sorry I forgot to pay." He said taking out his wallet.
"There’s more people you forgot to pay too." Zephyr said putting the palm of her hand a few inches from Rich's face.
"Look Zephyr, for me you're doing the same as always: bumping around asking for money. But I assure you that nothing you do will make me pay, it's a personal matter." After saying that, the rich guy left with his collector behind him.
I had the feeling that all this thing was going to end bad...
That same afternoon, Sunset asked me to leave sooner for personal issues. As she had been working very well lately, I agreed.
Big Mac appeared wearing a yellow Hawaiian shirt with flowers. I saved the comment and simply served my friend a beer. A short time later Discord appeared, but he almost left when he saw Big Mac.
"Holy crap Big Mac, first the piercing, then the jacket, now this shirt ... if tomorrow you're going to wear a leopard thong, tell me not to come, your purpose is fucking mine’s." Discord complained.
"Dizcord don’t be stupid, this ain’t because of the bet, this waz the only clean shirt I got." Big Mac took a drink of his beer and noticed a very pretty girl who came to the bar to pay." Bezides, it doesn’t matter what I wear, since I have thiz rebel look, women are going crazy for me."
"Keep dreaming pal..." Said the girl leaving and leaving Big Mac with an idiot expression.
"You zee...?" He said trying to hide. "I make them nervous."
"Yes... and not only them..." Discord commented. "Well, be careful, with a hot chick like that I don’t think a book would be enough, you’ll have to convince Twilight to give her the VIP card of the library." Discord laughed at his own comment.
"What do you imply?" Big Mac soon had a revelation. "Are ya talkin’ bout the book I gave Berry Punch?" Discord simply nodded. "Pleaze, Dizcord, I'm not tryin’ to hook up with Berry, bezides, if I wanted to seduce her, I wouldn’t do it with a cheap second-hand book, with a dedication, the cover worn..."
Discord's expression changed suddenly, like if he suddenly discovered the Sense of Life.
"Wait a minute... So that was all about... Big Mac, listen, I have to tell you something before you and Berry make a fool of yourselves; you're going to laugh the shit out of you..." He said trying not to laugh out loud.
"Here we go again..." interrupted Big Mac. "I already imagined that you couldn’t spend a week without insultin’ people. Berry Punch and I make a fool of ourselves? Come on, zay somethin’ of yer own, 'Big Mac only understands plows, and the liver of Berry Punch should be declared a catastrophic area."
Discord could not help laughing at Mac's comment, and the truth is that I also laughed. "That’s a good one Big Mac!" Automatically Discord stopped laughing. "Sorry, I didn’t mean that, it's something much worse..."
"You see it? The Discord of Always came out ... and I thought you could change, but yer just a clown who needs to mess with others to hide how pathetic his life is." Those words surprised even me, but it seems that it hurt Discord.
"Pathetic me?!" He yelled.
"Eeyup!" It seemed like he'd have to leave the bar at any time to stop those two.
"Look, you're a... Very good friend for helping me not to screw up." Maybe it was the tone in which he said that, but you don’t need to be a psychologist to realize that Discord didn't want to say that. "Don’t worry Big Mac, from now on, Discord will only have good words for you."
After looking at him strangely, Mac finished the beer, paid and went to his store. I was about to ask Discord what I had meant in all of that, but the entry of two other clients prevented me.
"No, Zephyr! I’m not going to pay you a penny!" Filthy Rich yelled to Zephyr who seemed to have been stuck to his ass all day. "I only hope that you have an indefinite contract, because nothing you do will make me pay you..."
Suddenly another man entered, middle-aged, maybe sixty, with a garment bag in his hand. I guessed he was Rich's butler.
"Sir, here's your dry-cleaning suit." Yes, it was his butler. "It will be great for your appointment tomorrow with the bank director."
Filthy Rich looked shocked after hearing that, mainly because Zephyr was at his side.
"Hey... wait a minute, I've got it, it's a great plan." Zephyr said more to himself than to the rest.
"Zephyr, please, don’t; how am I going to ask the banker for financing to make a golf course with you behind being a pain in the ass?" Begged Filthy Rich. I never imagined that a man of his class would end up pleading, and even less to someone like Zephyr.
"What? No, I was talking about to go to the movie theatre because tomorrow you will be busy, but hey! Your idea is better. I’ll see you tomorrow Rich, and don’t worry, I'll go with my suit." Zephyr retired leaving Filthy Rich blue of fear.
"Have you seen?" Rich asked me. "This guy is going to ruin me."
"Relax man, it's Zephyr we're talking about. Wait until I get you a drink to calm your nerves." I said trying to calm him down.
"Whiskey, double, no ice..." I accepted Rich's command and put a glass of double whiskey without ice.
"I'll accompany you." I said while I also poured myself a drink.
"What's the matter? Since Sunset is not here you take the liberty of drinking whatever you want?" Discord asked.
"Something like that…"
The next day there was not much news. We all prepare for the afternoon, because that would decide who had won the bet. He had to admit that everyone had been doing well and, apparently all had served their purpose.
"Allright fellas, I invite this round." Said Zephyr taking out some bills. I admit that for a moment I kept looking at them in case they were false.
"Thanks Zephyr, it's a nice touch on yer part." Said Big Mac raising his cider jar towards him. "I think thiz has been good, motivating us to change for the best, I think it could be the beginning of zomething great."
"You can’t imagine how much, Big Mac." Berry Punch said looking at Mac with dreamy eyes. I had the feeling that tragedy was chewing there. "But it could get even better, right Big Mac?"
I could see how Discord couldn’t hold his laughter.
"Eeyup." Mac replied.
"I have changed too." said Discord. "Because, the old Discord would now be here messing with all of you, but the new one is not, because the new Discord likes to speak well of people. For example, Big Mac is a hardworking, honest guy... and now that he's impulsive, I’m sure that you ask him anything and he answers 'Eeyup'." He said that last thing looking at Berry Punch.
"Thanks Discord, excuse me, I'm going to the toilet."
Meanwhile, I went to have another beer. I was hitting the first drink when someone interrupted me.
"How many beers did you drink today?" Sunset asked me in a tone of reproach.
"I don’t know, five maybe?" I answered without giving much more importance.
"Bourbon, you should stop drinking while you work."
"Come on Sunset, don’t be like that; Go on and have a drink on me." I picked up a longneck, opened it and handed it to Sunset. Although she didn’t seem happy, she resigned herself, grabbed the bottle and offered me a smile.
After toasting with her, I returned with Discord and Berry. It seemed that they were having a pleasant conversation.
"...I think you are right Discord, we are made for each other, I also want to know if it's true what Ruby says about piercings in tongue..." Berry Punch smiled mischievously. "Wish me luck."
"Good luck." Said Discord, hiding his eyes and laughing as Berry made his way to Big Mac, who had already left the bathroom.
"Discord, what's this all about?" I asked without knowing anything. He just told me to shut up and watch.
Berry stood in front of Big Mac and I could hear a little of what they were saying.
"Big Mac, I want to thank you once again for the book, the truth is that I had no idea how good it would be to read something so beautiful."
"You're welcome Beddy, the truth is that it zeemed appropriate." Big Mac said.
"Then I think it's about time I gave you my answer for real." Big Mac was confused, but more so when Berry grabbed him by the cheeks and planted a kiss on his lips. Big Mac did not even close his eyes from surprise.
When Berry walked away, Big Mac's face was a poem. "Eh ... Beddy, I..."
Big Mac could not answer, partly because the words didn’t come out, and because Discord interrupted him…
"Big Mac doesn’t love you, the dedication was not his." He said, laughing as if there were no tomorrow. "You should read things that are more appropriate for you, like the labels on whiskey bottles. And you Big Mac, since you took a book, you could have read one that explained the difference between impulsive and circus clown."
Then Discord came to the bar, where Zephyr was. “You know what Zephyr? I was going to say many things to you, but you’ve got enough misfortune being yourself already." Discord took a bill out of his wallet and put it on the bar. "Take it, these are the best invested 50 bucks in my entire life."
Then he left the pub laughing his ass off.
Berry was static, until an uncomfortable giggle came out of her mouth. "Hehe, what a dumb mistake, right?"
"Eeyup ... I'm soddy, I'm better off." Big Mac left without saying anything as fast as lightning.
Berry then approached the bar like an automaton.
"Bourbon, can you serve me a tequila?" He asked.
"Are you sure Berry?"
"Do you want me to skip the bar and serve it myself?" I did not say anything again, so I took out a small glass and poured the tequila in it. "Leave the bottle here if you don’t mind, we'll do accounts..."
Indeed, Berry kept drinking as if there were no tomorrow. It was clear that she needed to forget that she had made a fool of herself in front of Big Mac, so I didn’t protest. Honestly if I were in her place, I would have done the same.
The next day I did the usual, had breakfast, went down to open the bar and waited for the customers, who came in this order: Discord, then Zephyr Breeze, Big Mac next and finally Berry Punch. Berry arrived wearing sunglasses, and as soon as she took them off, we all could see those dark circles that made her look like a panda bear.
"Oh boy, Berry, you look like shit." I said.
"Thank you, Bourbon... you're such a gentleman..." She replied sarcastically.
"Listen Berry, I'm sorry if I offended ya yesterday..." Big Mac said, embarrassed.
"No Big Mac it's not your fault, I was the one who made a mistake, anyway, in the end I lost the bet because I peppered the whole bottle of tequila." Berry explained, rubbing his head. The poor woman had a hell of hangover...
"If it helps, I had to remove the piercing, and now I can’t eat spaghetti in a while; I think I'm not made to be impulsive... "Big Mac said.
"Oh man... You speak correctly now? That’s a shame, I had brought you a series of tongue twisters so you could recite them to me... " Discord said laughing and pulling out a piece of paper from his pocket.
"Does it mean, you all have failed but me?" Zephyr Breeze laughed as we all looked at him. "Now I'm proud to be Zephyr Breeze, because I'm sure now you're asking 'why I didn’t born like Zephyr?'"
"Look friend, you were born Zephyr by chance, because if you were a little more dumb you weren’t born." Discord said and sighed. "Ah... how nice it feels to insult just because..."
"I’m the fool? Well this fool is going to ask a question to the smart Discord, if I'm so stupid how do you explain I'm the only one who has fulfilled his purpose and won the bet?"
"ZEPHYR BREEZE!" A person bellowed from the doorway. It was Filthy Rich and by the look of his face he looked like a Rottweiler who had not eaten for days.
"Oh shit!" Zephyr ran out and locked himself in the bathroom. Filthy Rich followed him and began pounding on the door.
"Get out now, you wretch!" Fearing he could break the door down, I left the bar and grabbed the enraged Rich. Almost simultaneously Sunset entered in the pub, who looked at us with concern and confusion.
"Can you explain me what the hell is going on here? Boss, what's wrong with Filthy Rich? "She asked.
"I'd like to know that too." I said still holding Rich, who was slowly calming down.
I let go of the rich man, his breathing was agitated, but he could still speak.
“Rich, what happened?" I asked.
"What happened? That motherfucker has cheated me 3000 dollars." My eyes widened, and the others looked at us intently.
"What did you say?"
Then, Rich told us what happened ...
Filthy Rich was with the bankers to discuss the golf course.
"The truth is that it can be a good investment, Mr. Rich, but do you have a feasibility plan?" The banker asked.
"Of course sir, the doubt offends," Rich said confidently. "If they offer me financing I will answer for every penny, because I am an honest, responsible businessman, and above all because I am a..."
"Defaulter, Filthy Rich, you're a defaulter!" Suddenly a group of what seemed to be homeless and/or junkies began to sing in chorus accusing Filthy Rich. The surprise was that they were led by nothing more and nothing less than Zephyr Breeze, who hit his briefcase setting the pace.
Rich was paralyzed. Without knowing exactly what to do, he responded with the first thing that came up in his head.
"Boys! I told you that this had to be done tomorrow. " Rich went quickly to the banker and began to whisper in his ear. "It turns out that I also have a reintegration center... and I motivated them to make a choir, but it seems that they have messed with the dates. Would you excuse me for a second? "
Rich approached Zephyr and grabbed him by the arm and pulled him far enough away so the bankers could not hear what he was going to say.
"Alright Zephyr, how can I explain it to you so that you understand me, if you don’t leave now, they won't give me financing, if there is no funding, there is no golf course, and if there is no golf course I will have a lot of free time, and I swear I will use it all that free time to make your life impossible. Got it?"
"Yes... well, not exactly…" Zephyr said. "What did you say it was going to happen if they don’t give you financing?” Filthy Rich was going to talk but was interrupted. “It doesn’t matter, we won’t move from here until you pay what you owe to the gas company."
Zephyr and those who accompanied him returned to sing. Rich concealed the bankers as best he could but turned to Zephyr again.
"OK OK! I pay you already..." He said mumbling, taking some bills out of his pocket. "But I assure you that the next time you go through my store, whatever you buy will cost you $ 3000.
"Don’t be spiteful Rich, I’m just doing my job." Zephyr kept the money and said goodbye. "Don't forget, no debtor escapes from Zephyr Breeze. Bye."
Once he left, the bankers were stunned, but fortunately for Filthy Rich did not flee in fright.
"Well, forgive this interruption, having so many deals in hand sometimes they turn against you." he said with a fake laugh. "Where were we going?"
"Hey, you're Filthy Rich, right?" Said a man who recognized the tycoon.
"And who in the fuck are you now..." He said softly.
"I'm from the gas company, you haven't paid us yet."
"Excuse me, gentleman, but I just paid the money to your debt collector: Zephyr Breeze." Rich said, on the verge of losing his temper.
The guy scratched his head and looked at Rich, somewhat worried. "Eh... I don’t mean to insult your intelligence sir, but we haven’t sent any debt collector... and there’s no one called Zephyr Breeze on our staff."
"What do you mean? A while ago he was... " Rich then found himself face to face with the horrible truth... "Oh, that motherfucking swindler who comes here with his briefcase and his suit and that scruffy gang being a pain in the ass! Well, he's going to give me that money, even if I have to beat the shit out of him! " Rich burst out and to his dismay, the bankers were so scared they escaped without saying anything. "But, gentlemen, please, wait!" Rich was left alone. "Will you give me funding for the golf course?" He yelled, but got no response. "What about mini-golf? Horseshoes? " Filthy Rich collapsed on a nearby bench and ducked his head. For his part, the gas employee sat next to him and patted him on the back.
Discord couldn’t stop laughing with Rich's anecdote, and who could blame him? I was doing my best not to laugh too. Zephyr Breeze had cheated on him like a kid and had given him 3,000 bucks as if nothing...
"I think I'm starting to see Zephyr with different eyes. Actually, I take my hat off to him." Discord said.
"Shut the fuck up Discord." Rich replied angrily.
Thought that we were distracted, Zephyr came out of the bathroom and slipped away. However, Rich caught him and chased him again.
"Come back here, swindler!" Rich yelled as he left the pub chasing Zephyr.
I was still freaking out from what I had just seen, but I headed with Sunset to the bar. Berry, Big Mac and Discord had seen everything and while the latter was laughing the other two sighed.
"Well, then nobody seems to have won the bet." Berry said.
"I wouldn’t be so sure." I said gesturing to Sunset with my hand. Then she gave me 50 bucks and the three of them looked at me indignantly. "What? Let us be frank, I didn’t think you could do it, this kind of changes take months, even years; and you wanted to do it in just four days?"
"The sudden changes are a source of chaos, that has been more than proven." said Discord while drinking his coffee.
Big Mac's cell phone rang, and he picked it up while everyone else was talking.
"Let’s face it... we’re hopeless." Berry said. "Even when we try to be better people, I don’t know how we do it, but we screw it up even more."
"Don’t torture yourself Berry, the intention is what counts." said Sunset.
A couple of minutes later Big Mac hung up the phone. That was weird... he was pale, as if he had seen a ghost or something.
"Mac, are you okay? What happened?" I asked.
"It was a friend, he told me somethin’..." he replied.
"Well, spit it out, man, don’t leave us like this." Discord said.
"It's Sugar Belle... she’s getting married."
