chapter 1: spiked punch A.K.A how spike banged abunch of ponies and saved equestria
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chapter 1: spiked punch A.K.A how spike banged abunch of ponies and saved equestria
(warning this fanfic makes no sense, have miss spelled grammer and will confuse the shit out of all of you. Veiwer describion advised.)
It was a simple day in ponyvine Spike was at home recycling Twilight Sprinkle's porno tapes and maginzines. Then a old foe of her's busted through the door. IT WAZ TRIXIE! “twilight Sprinkle we meet again!” Twilight looked at the whore unicorn in front of and said. “oh hai twilight two it is great to see yuz again are you still mad that we made you you look like a fucktard I front of pony ville?” said twilight while she touched herself. Twilight looked at spike and said. "hey i think the blue unicorn is here for the t.v.." spike then sighed.
Trixie said “NO! I the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE! am hear to brutally rape you and there is nothing you can do about it!” then Spike jumped in and talked to twilight in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice “ come wit me if you want to live!” twilight then said. “ewww why do you want me to cum on you spike that is disgusting!” Spike then face hoofed which doesnt make sense cause he doesnt have any hooves. “ He grabbed twilight's hoof and pick ed her over his head and threw her out the windiow both were looking at each other with murder in there eyes spike said to trixie.
“time for us to have a super awesome badass fight that will be totally epic in all shit!” and then they did . Trixie punched Spike but spike then nailed Trixie and then spike dodged her hadouken. Spike and Trixie they went at it for two days straight which wasnt two days it was more then one day with the exception of being two days but it ended up being three days because one plus two days equels three. Trixie Eventually stopped along with Spike. “ you are better then I thought Trixie. You sure do know how to move.” said Spike in a suducive manner. “speaking of knowing how to move!” Trixie winked and got on Twilight's bed. The under aged dragon and the above eighteen unicorn magician had epic sex on Twilight's bed. Shortly after spike had enough and said to her unicorn lover. “ thanks bitch now gtfo I need to go to a ex girlfriends and homies house.
She then did as her master commanded then she disapeared into smoke and then Spike left for Pinkie Pies house.(you didnt think Pinkie fucked Spike did ya?) he entered her house and said. “hey pinkie im here to pleasure you in all kinds of directions.” pinkie came out of her room and said. “ oh my I would love that what did ya had in mind silly!” she said in a happy voice spike only nodded and said. “Im going to bang you on your baking table and there is nothing you can do about it!” pinkie looked at spike and then his erected penis and Rainbow Dash who was looking out at them in them on the iple tower from France. ( Rainbow wanted to fuck Spike to. Bet you didnt see that shit coming.)
Pinkie then said In a happy voice. “FUCK YA BABE!” then Spike and Pinkie started to bang on the table . After three hours of dirty pink pony and dragon sex that they stopped and noticed Rarity was staring at them through a window clopping to there sexual stuff that they were doing on the table at 9 o'clock in the afternoon in the middle of the night. Spike knew whats she wanted. "Rarity do you want to fuck me and Pinky to?" Spike said through the wall knowingly "you bet your purple and green horny ass i do! im not taking no for an anwser And there is nothing you can do about it!" Rarity said in a crack addict voice cause she did meth on the way to sugarecube corner. So Spike invited the horny Miss Rarity in and they had a threesome. (There three way was cut short when Spike smelled the stench of a troll) he loed outside and seen Discard the troll of destructin. And then Spike pulled his giant dong away and said. “sorry my two other lovers but ME SPIKE THAT DRAGON MUST SAVE THE WORLD which isnt the world its just equestria but it was still a world......of EQUESTRIA!” Spike said in a rough manly voice he then fled to face Discord and save Ponyviltal.
Spike got on his bad ass Ghost Rider motercyclic and rode to Discord who was just standing there because because he was standing there and there is nothing you can do about it. Discord see's spike. “lolololol I am back to reclaim the dragon sword from Fluettershine.”said discord “NO!” Yelled Fluttershy who was still in the kingdom of the crystal skull. Spike said "get ready to feel my wraith..... oh and there is nothing you can do about!" Spike then turned into a badass spartan called master chief with rocket launchers an axe on her tail a lazor eye and an ion beam which is essentially a giant big ass laser attached to his chest then he began to beat the shit, blow the shit, and frequently lazor face the shit out of Discord.
Discord began to cry like a little bitch and unlike the acual t.v. Series this time he lasted less than five seconds. Spike then put his hand on Discords head then magically tore off discords skull without ripping the skin and then rarity took it from him and placed on her head like a hat. Spike sighed and looked at Rarity. "Rarity why are you such...a bone-head.(fake audience laughter played.) Discord died a horrific and terrible death. Bad news for Spike now every mare pony wanted to fuck him cause he is hero and there was nothing he can do about it. Spike then changed back and teleportal to his trea house and sat down. “god why does everpony want to fuck me like a stud?” Spike sighed and went to bed he only woke up the next morning to find six hundred female ponies surrounding his bed. He was in shock and said.
“Why are you all here?!?!..... Around my bed!....... When you should be in my bed.” he said in a stud like voice. he winked at
the all the ponies and then they had a orgy party with wii remotes. Spike was having the most fun he had in a while he loved the stench of female juices spraying on him. Spike was happy and said. " they told me girls cant ejaculate but guess what. ha i just made a reference to rvb bow chicka bow wow." he laughed as Colgate was riding the FUCK! out of his spiked dragon penis Colgate didnt care that his dick was ripping her tiny pussy to shreds she just enjoyed riding spike. it was then spike just remembered that Twilight was drunk and had forgotted to write Princess Celestia a letter. spike then told twilight to do it and Twilight said.
"I-ill right this to ,HIC, Celestia." Twilight did so. "dear Princess Molestia go fuck your self ,HIC, Luna is a best princess! i'd rather fuck Luna then you... your drunk as fuck student Twilight Sprinkle. P.S. i just dissed your royal ass and there is nothing you can FUCKING DO ABOUT IT!" Twilight then collapsed on the floor and Spike picked her up and put her in the bed that had her name on just in case if she became drunk off her unicorn ASS! and forgot which be she slept in. "good night you purple haired lovable cunt" Spike then kissed her on the forecheak and rejoined his orgy party for defeating Discord. the next day Spike walked outside after the biggest orgy he had. Twilight was asleep dreaming about banging Luna. “its been a good day.” “SPIKE THE DRAGON I HAVE BEEN HUNTING YOU DOWN SINCE YOU PUT ME IN THAT GYPSY BOX! du DU DUUUUUUUUUU!” said a mysterious dark figure. Spike had no clue what was going on. "NO not you why did you come back!"
i was at home one day thinking to myself and then i just remembered i had a fanfic to make so this is chapter 2 of spike's big adventure. enjoy
the darken figure that was totally dark and awesome is shit came out and then spike seen who it is he was shocked..IT WAS HIS OLD RIVAL APPLEJAP! "spikens da draganike i have come back from the under world which was big and scary for my vengence!" Apple jap said in a rough voice. " well well well i never thought i see you here AJ my old time lover and mortal enemy we meet again on the battlefield.......3.Which happens to be ponyvile,.... which happens to be in equestria,......which happens to in the center of the earth." spike replied. "how did you escape i encased the box i put you in with cement and threw it in lava!" apple jap then re replied. "ha you left me one thing. my straw!" spike gasped. "no!" apple jap laughed. "Thats right i drank my way out the lava tasted like moonshine dipped in with ghost chili extract to me!"
spike looked at her as Apple jap looked at him. then suddently apple jap took a giant samerai sworid and lookd at the purple bad ass hero. " time to die worm!" apple jap ran toward spike spike said. " technically im a dragon!". spike used his tale to deflected her attacks then applejap took a sub machine gun out of FUCKING! nowhere and shot AT HIM. Good thing for spike Applejap had the eye sight of a bat and couldnt aim. She ended up killing bonbon, carrot top, cheerlie, cloud chaser, and shining armor who was visiting twilight on an visit to pony ville while he was visiting the everfree forest for no FUCKING REASON! spike then pulled out a big ass gattling gun and destroyed half of pony ville but missing the orange earth pony. the shots fired made debree and then spike couldnt see cause his sight was clouded with smoke. then Apple jap came out of the smoke piloting a tiger tank and blew up city hall cause it sucked.
Spike then said. "no soooo mucchhh POWER!" then spike began jerking off the jerking off terned his dick into a 50 mm barrel and shot a 50 mm bullet at the tank destroying and almost killing apple jap. " OH SHIT!" said apel blom "shut up kid your not in this story!" spike then kicked the kid so far that she went into space and crashed into the sun. " Spike we arnt doneth here!" said apple jep who was only a head now. "how the fuck are you still alive? your missing your body!" yelled spike. "SPIKE THE DRAGON YOUR ASS IS GRASS!" spike looked up and seen princess celestia and she was fucking pissed! she landed and said. "spike the dragon why in equestria did my student twilight sprinkle send me this letter that told me to go fuck myself and that she wants to FUCK my sister?" spike then replied " well you see princess i..." he was cut short by celestia. " IM THE ONY PONY WHO GETS TO FUCK MY SISTER! BANISHED BOTH OF YOU EVERFREE FOREST NOW! COMEON BANISHMENT BOTH OF YOU ONE MILLION YEARS OF BANISHMENT TILL YOU BOTH THINK ABOUT WHQAT YOU'VE DON!"
celestia magically teleported spike to the everfree forest along with twilight dumbass and then spike could not just help it but to hit twilight sprinkle in the face......so he did. "do you have any idea wat you have done! thanks to you we're fucking stuck here you stupid purple haired cunt!" yelling at twilight as she was banging her head on the tree like an loboptinized bimbo. spike sighed and began to walk as far away from twilight as possible hopeing she would not follow. spike was able to locate a place with houses. he knocked on the door and seen that it was fluttershy who lived there. she started to talk in a crack smoker voice. " hey hey hey what yall doing here?" spike was confused and then he seen twilight was there chewing bark from a tree. spike sighed. " fluttershy stop talking like that you got kicked off pony.mov remember?" fluttershy responded. "oh yea now i remember." she siged and brought the two in she then gave them tea. " what brings you two here?" said fluttershy. "we got banished by bitchness molestia." said spike as they all continued to talk fluttershy began to bring the alcahol out and they had a drinking party. "spppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeee?" said fluttershy in a drunk voice. "what is it fluttershy?" responded spike. " your a cute dragon follow me to my bed and lets fuck." spike was shocked fluttershy wasnt like this. he didnt want to take advantage of her in this state cause spike is cool like that. " sorry but when ya sober then we will have lots of fun!"
fluttershy was crying."OK IM A VIRGIN!" yelled fluttershty even tho no one mentioned it. " flutter i-i had no idea im sorry i made you upset you really wanted to do a super stud like me?" said spike. "yes i do! spike i love you!" she said confesingly the dragon and the pegasis looked at each other lost in each others eyes. " i think im in love with you" said fluttershy. "i love me to." spike responded they both leaned in and started to makout on her couch it was more romantic then a sun set it was more romantic then twilight by fifthty times infinity. thry got deep into and where was twilight? she was in the back fucking a tree...... spike broke away. "whats wrong spike" fluttershy said.."i forgot the dragon condems." said spike they stopped and fluttershy said to spike. "we could continue another time ok." spike agreed but there poor love making had been cut short when rarity busted down the door with an angry look on her face. "how could you spiky wiky i thought we had sumthin special!" she then started to cry spike had to think of something quick before rarity starts to develope a brain and ask why she was banging a underaged dragon when she could be fucking a tree like twilight." RARITY WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME AND FLUTTERSHY!" rarity gasped and said. " you bet your banished purple green ass i would!" and then they had a three some.
it only lasted for a couple of nano seconds because a familiar griffin swoop in during there hot erotic activities. "no you what are you... " "yest it is i gilda the griffin and im here for my revenge!" gilda said and she also looked different she had a skinhead tattoo and a dictator hat on her head....spike was fucked.
Chapter 3: GryphonFlu HORROR
"MY LITTLE PONY MY LITTLE PONY." (shot gun fire) the camera points to spike who somehow has a shot gun now.
"oh fuck no! we heard that god damn song three thousand times in our head! PLAY FUCKING SKRILLEX!" he yelled in a cool manner then he looking a da big sexy dictator gyphun. " so my old lover gilda has reaturned to kill me, after she makes love to me! but kills me!" he said with a smile. " well then gilda taste my shotgun pellets WHORE!" he shoots gilda who suprisingly dodges the pellets,....like in the matrix. "OH NO! my powers are useless now! rarity! be my meat shield!" she then took rarity and placed her in front of him.
gilda took out to uzi's out of behinded her wings and shot them puncturing wholes through rarities vagina,tits, and any other place that best describe this damn clopfic. "DIE YOU PURPLE WORM!" gilda started to get wet from shooting things cause shooting things makes her megan fox horny and so she stops and plays with herself. she 'unknowingly' didnt see that spike, fluttershy, and the rotting dead corpse of the now dead like roadkill rarity snuck out. she stopped playing with herself as soon as she heard the narrator of this story say that spike, Fluttershy, and the dead bitch had left the house. " WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT SPIKE ASSHOLE IM GOING TO KILL HIM! AND RAPE HIS DEAD BODY!" she yelled and flew out.
the mane 2, and the dragon. 'also of including zombie Rarity now.' stopped as soon as they were five feet away from the house. "hm i know what to do!" he then pulled out a gatling gun and shot down the local wild life to clear a good path. afterwords him and his two dumbass friends and his dead zombified friend through the blood and gut filled path that spike cleared for them to pass. they passed they swamps of sorrow, to the land of darkshire, and finally made it to stranglethorne vale they went and talked to the trolls, who gave them a quest to go to ZUL'FARAAK to retrieve some stupid shitty mask after countless hours on general chat and finding a group to do the quest with and after multiple deaths, people yelling leeroy jeinkins and rushing toward the mobs, and having 3 AFK'ers on there party, they returned with the mask that they were sent to get, then the troll pointed then to the direction back to equestria.
spike was cool and didnt question where the fuck he was or how he got here, or why they came there in the first pace. nothing spike cant handle as he looked at his dead friends rotting carcass. who was now a ghost who shuts up. he then traveled thirty five thousand years back to equestria. and desided to give bitch celestia a piece of his mind. "ok here how its going to go! ghost rarity will woo the guards, and ill sneak in through the back and flutter shy stand guard and twi....... OH FUCK WHERES TWILIGHT!" he didnt know twilight was still in a forest fucking a tree. " oh well fuck her everypony got there jobs?" he said
"YES!" they said in unison.
"GOOD!" he then grabbed Fluttershy and stuck his tounge in her mouth and had a hot, hot, hot! makeout session to whom Rainbowdash was spying and clopping feriously to it. they then proceeded to the mission, UNAWARE THAT GILDA WAS A HIRED HITGRYPHUN BY CELESTIA TO KILL SPIKE!
"star gyphan star gryphan! this is starfox 64 we spotted spike! he is in canterlot!" said the crossover portion of the clopfic/gorefic/what every the fuck you like to call it fic as he then blew up for no fucking reason.'literally he blows up for no fucking reason.'
"spike what are we doing here again?" said a retarded twilight sparkle who somehow is in this chapter now. spike sighed and went over the plans to twilight who wasnt paying attention because she was being raped by a mutant rat.
"OH SHIT!" yelled spike who took his knife that he had during the war and stabbed the rat in the eye with it the rat yelped amd was now died....twilight was about to die. Spike embraced her. "YOU STU-STUPID PONY!" he started to cry as he seen his childhood friend leave him.
"S-Spike...i see a light." she said coughing up rat juices and blood. "sp-spike im so sorry! i got to sleep now....." Twilight let out a gasp and died. spike cried and repeated to say'its not fair' as he repeatedly stabbed the dead now twilight.
finally rarity spoke. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? you dont give a shit if i die but you do when she does i want to just say one thing! WHAT THE FUCK!" she yelled at spike who was giving her a confused look.
"um your not technically dead i see you right in front of me and your talking." spike said with his head down.
"IM A FUCKING GHOST, A SPIRIT, A GHOUL, A PHANTOM THOSE ARE SHIT YOU CALL A DEAD PERSON!"
"yea but not the same. wait arnt you suppose to distract the guards?"
"yes i was....but i maybe killed them." she said with a nervous smile. spike didnt question it and they continued down the tunnel.
"hey you hear that?" they stopped and heard wings flapping. they turned and seen that gilda! was right behind them! " lets run!" yelled spike who was running beside his two friends. spike took out his trusty shotgun while running and jumped on Fluettershies back he pointed the gun and aimed it directly at her. "SMILE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he said in jaws like fasion and when he pulled the trigger the burst from the gun was able to hit the gryphan and like that the gryphan who was known as gilda....blew up. her blood and guts splattered onto spike and they all laughed at it and spike said. "GOOD JOB YA CRAZY CUNTS!" he then got off Fluttershy now noticing that the excitment gave her a wing boner. when they managed to get inside Canterlot which was like city 17 they heard a voice talk...it was celestia. they took are weapons out. which consists of gattling gun, shot gun, machine gun, plasma rifle, phys gun, sub machine gun, rocket launcher, sniper rifle, b.a.g
a chainsaw, and a gears of war style lancer and hammer of dawn. they then started to blow canterlot into pieces. they were having fun and spike and fluttershy shot down so much combine forces that day including doctor breen who wasnt even in charge anymore.after that Spike called up a helper to help clean up the shit..he called in MictheMicrophone. he took his odst drop pod and crashed it in canterlot. the pod opened up and mic descended from his pod with an ak-47 blasting the shit out of everything! "you call for a bad ass," he said with a smile and then went back to killing countless soldiers he then took a knife out and threw it at some guy cause he hated that guy cause that guy went to his highschool and pikced on him......now that guy is dead. good night. he tossed a shaw'd off shot gun to spike who used it to blast some more combine assholes.after a few minutes of blood, carnage, and destruction and death the two hero's with there guns up smiled at eachother and knocked down the doors to the palace.
they walked into the palace and began to look around no sign of princess celest... and her royal guards. IT WAS A TRAP! the guards ambushed them and tried to kill them with there own guns. Mic and Spike took cover behind pillars and nodded. " on the count of three we waste them!" yelled spike, mic nodded and stayed there behind the cover with his gun up high. "1...........2............3........LETS FUQ THEM UP!" he yelled the two badasses retracted from there cover and shot the guards down... they ran up to Princess Celestia's royal bed chamber who didnt know they were coming despite the guns blazing and other shit happening.
they knocked down the door where Celestia was who went into cover grabbing a machete and a pistol from under her bed. "you dare put guns up to me and try to kill me!" she yelled harshly.
Spike smiled and then laughed "acually yea im here to do that." he pointed his gun at her. "and there is nothing you can do about it!" he shot Celestia with the shot gun but she dodged it and shot the pistol, she missed spike who went into cover mic then tried to kill her but failed to as she dodges way to often. Spike then ran up and jumped on the bed and whe Celestia seen spike kicks the royal cunt in the face hard she gets knocked tho the ground she then grabs spike and throws him. she goes gets her pistol that she dropped and when she turned around Spike had a Rocket Launcher! " Dodge this bitch!" he yelled.
"OH FUCK MY ROYAL ASS!" as those were her final words before spike blew her up. the dictator ship of her was of her was over and the ponies could live commie free.
spike walked out of the palace and seen that everypony was congradulating him on killing celestia and then after all that he got the title BADASS OF EQUESTRIA! and they all lived happily every after...except Celestia, Gilda, Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight who are now dead....the end. UNTIL THE BONUS CHAPTERS!!
The most random fanfiction rewards 2013!
From the fanfiction show that brought you best horror fic 2011! Here is the most random fanfiction rewards 2013! Hosted by Commander Resurrection!
The music played in the background; as a blue and red maned Pegasus with a black suit and tie along with a group of other familiar ponies walked up on stage. "Ahem. Thank you all for coming to the most random fanfiction awards 2013; we are all here to give some jackass a random golden troll award for fanfictions that trolled the best. And we need a moment of silence for all the ponies that probably committed suicide from the news the 2012 was the end of the world..."
After a brief moment the grey Pegasus spoke up again. "Okay, we would like to thank Mic The Microphone for his badassness in Spikes big Adventure; which will be a one of the chosen fanfictions to get the troll thing. Give the unicorn a round of applause!"
"THIS IS BULLSHIT, WHY AM I ALL THE WAY BACK HERE!!" Mic yelled near the entrance, where he sat down.
"Okay now lets start this shit up! The four nominees are.." A long dramatic silence as suspenseful music played. " Spikes Big Adventure, Twilight gets what's coming to her, Tom goes to Ponyvile, and Spikes Blooming love for Rarity! And the winner is!"
"If I don't get chosen, somepony is leaving with a shotgun shell lodged in their fucking brain." Spike said softly. He was laid back in his chair, enjoying a cigar, and was carrying his shotgun while wearing sharp sunglasses.
"I STILL THINK THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Mic shouted across the way.
The drum roll started as the host read the results. "Spikes Big Adventure! Give a round of applause to Spike!"
Spike got up on stage and he was given the reward. "There are a few ponies I like to thank! My open minded lover Fluttershy wh stuck by me through it all! My friend Twilight who played dead on my fanfic! Say hi Twilight!" The spot light hit a rotting lavender mare. Her left eye was gone, rats were eating her, and maggots were in her. "Fine, don't talk dumb bitch!" With that Spike was off the pedestal and sat back down.
"Thanks for coming every pony! I hope you enjoyed today's show! Goodnight everypony!" With that the lights went off and the show was over.
"HELLO?!" Mic shouted, still sitting in the same spot. "IM LOCKED IN! YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES!" With that he sighed. "This the last time I use Craigslist for this shit!"
