Chapters This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Sweet Apple Acres
“I can’t believe I agreed with this shit” Dempsey thought as he, along with the apple family and Rainbow Dash, was sitting on a huge table inside the farm warehouse. He looked briefly at the other ponies present as they were talking to each other and smiling “remember Dempsey, whatever you do, don’t drink anything” he mumbled.
“So, what’cha think partner?” Applejack said, she was sitting next to him, on his left “ah bet ya didn’t see this comin’”
“Tell me again what you are up to, Applejack” he said serious “’cause I see you literally brought the entire fucking family here”
“Ah invited ya to mah famous apple feast ah organize every year” she put a hoof on his shoulder “Ah’m sure ya’ll love this” she turned to her rainbow mane friend who was sitting next to Dempsey, on his right “right, Dashie?”
“Of course!” she replied with a smile “this will be our apology for what happened yesterday”
“Yeah right” he replied sarcastically “and how the hell am I supposed to not t’get bored?”
“Just wait and soon the food will come” the orange pony said.
The three were sitting and looked each other as an awkward silence reigned over them. Suddenly, he felt his uniform was being pulled continuously from his back.
“The hell?” he turned around and saw a yellow filly with red mane looking at him curiously “what’s this?”
“She’s mah sis Applebloom” Applejack replied and turned to her sister “what’cha want, sugarcube?”
The filly smiled widely while Dempsey made an awkward face as he wasn’t sure how to react, she then said: “mah friends and I want t’meet the new guest”
“Oh joy” he said with sarcasm “what will come next? Molest time?” he felt a poke on his right arm.
“Please don’t say those harsh words in front of the fillies” Rainbow Dash whispered on his ear “they tend to... repeat them constantly”
“Really?”
“Yes”
Dempsey smiled mischievously as he looked at the filly “all right, filly. If you wanna meet Dempsey, then I got no problem”
“Nice! You convinced him to come here!” an orange Pegasus filly with purple mane said.
“This will be so much fun” Sweetie Belle said “not like that other creature that made my sister drunk and yell at me”
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad” the Pegasus said, comforting her friend
“First, my name’s Dempsey and I’m a human” Dempsey interrupted “and second, who the hell are you?”
The three fillies stood in front of him and smiled.
“Let’s do it as planned” the white unicorn said as she lifted her hooves up “I’m Sweetie Belle”
“I’m Scootaloo” the Pegasus said as she did the same
“Ah’m Applebloom” the third filly said.
“And we are” they put their hooves together in a clumsy attempt to make a dancing move “The Cutie Mark Crusaders”
Dempsey couldn’t help but to smile and he clapped slowly “now that was fucking hilarious”
“Fucking?” Sweetie Belle interrupted, showing curiosity on her words “my sister said the same word yesterday, but I never knew its meaning”
“Me too” Scootaloo said
“Me three” Applebloom said
“What does that word mean, Dempsey?” the unicorn asked.
“You don’t wanna know” he replied.
“Oh please tell us!” the three fillies said in unison “please please please please please!”
“Okay okay!” he said loudly “just shut the hell up and sit back” the three fillies stood silent as they waited excited “it’s used for... manners”
“Manners?” the white filly replied confused.
“Yes” he said as he grinned mischievously “when you want to say something’s surprising or outstanding in a good way, you add that word”
“Oh, oh!” the orange Pegasus lifted her left hoof “then is it okay to say something like...” she put her hoof on her chin “Applebloom’s my fucking friend?”
He nodded his head in agreement “you got it right”
“Oh, lemme try” Applebloom said and then she looked around as she made a thoughtful face “is it ‘kay to say “ah fuckin’ love apples” or “ah love fuckin’ apples”?”
“Both are correct, lil’ Applejack”
“Let me also try” the white Unicorn interrupted “is it also correct to say something like...” she remained thoughtful “My sister makes fucking fancy dresses?”
“Of course; you all are correct” he then clapped slowly again “outstanding fillies, out fucking standing. You kick ass”
“Ass?” the orange Pegasus filly asked “what’s that?”
The human turned to Applejack and Rainbow Dash and smiled “Dempsey will get at last his payback. Just wait and see, bitches” he thought and he turned back to the fillies. He looked at them and then said: “guess you have a lot to learn and Dempsey is here to teach you the right way”. The Crusaders looked at each other with joy and happiness.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
III. Ponyville's Town Square
Ponyville’s Town Square
Nikolai was walking slowly as he was kicking a small stone. He was tired of looking for the others and he was just wandering around. The ponies, after noticing him, began to whisper when they recognized who he was
“The fuck do you want?” he yelled at them when he noticed he was being looked “fucking horses”. The ponies around saw him either with fear, disgust or even strange. After a few moments, they all walked away from him; all of them but one peculiar Pegasus.
The drunken Russian looked at her as she was clumsily flying house to house to deliver mail. He rubbed his chin for a few moments and then he sighed. “Guess Nikolai will have to ask for help” he thought, he approached to her and yelled “hey you!”
The gray Pegasus with golden mane and yellow eyes turned to him, smiled and put her left hoof on her forehead, saluting him. “Hey mister, how can I help?” she said with a smile.
“Do you know about some...” he stopped talking as he noticed her eyes. He stood silent for a moment and then asked slightly upset “well, where are you looking at?”
“I don’t know what you mean, sir” she replied
“Your eyes, they freak me out” he took a step closer to her “it’s like you look at me and my soul at the same time... like second wife”
“Oh, that” she said embarrassed and sad “my eyes used to be normal, but I just don’t know what went wrong”
“You better fix them, they’re creepier than monkey zombies” he said as he looked at the bag she was carrying “so, you got vodka in there?”
“What’s vodka?” she asked confused.
“Never mind” he said disappointed “okay, have you seen two bastards that look like me? But uglier”
“I’m afraid not, sir”
“This sucks harder than fifth wife” he turned around “If you see them then tell them fuck themselves... and go back to teleporter”
“Oh, I got a better idea” she said as she flew to him and collided, making both fall to the ground.
“Ow, you just hurt little Nikolai” he said after he spat grass “and that hurts more than it sounds”
“Oops, my bad” she said and she helped him to get up.
“Now what the fuck do you pretend?”
“You can come with me, sir. I know Ponyville like the back of my hoof” she smiled widely as she was standing in front of him and showed her left hoof.
“Now that’s...” he thought “erm.. I lost my train of thought again” he shook his head and then he scratched it “oh wait. Now that’s not a bad idea. Better than nothing I guess.”
“Woo-hoo! Let’s go” she said as she begun to fly clumsily to the next house.
“Ookay, thank you... erm...”
“Derpy is my name and deliver mail is my game” she replied excited.
“You must be kidding” he said skeptically.
“No, I’m not, look!” she showed him an ID card and he took it.
“Hello, my name’s Derpy Hooves” he read and turned back to the Pegasus “what’s up with that kind of name? Is like calling me Drunkity Drunk”
“Nice to meet you Drunkity” she said a she extended her hoof, clearly not getting his sarcasm.
“Are you stupid or just fooling around?” he said upset “My name’s not Drunkity, my name’s Nikolai”
“Oh, sorry Nik” she was still extending her hoof.
“Whatever” he looked at her and ignored her hoof “so, are we moving or not?”
“Right away, Nik!” she replied happily as she saluted him again. Then, she put a letter to the mailbox and proceeded to fly to the next house. Nikolai sighed as he followed her.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Sugarcube Corner
The pastry shop’s door opened, letting the yellow Pegasus and his “pet” enter. She was smiling and carrying the handle on her mouth as Takeo showed a face of shame and embarrassment. The pink pony noticed them and quickly approached to them bouncing.
“Hello Fluttershy!” she said “are you two playing a game? I love games!”
“Oh, um...” Fluttershy hesitated, she was thinking how to answer her friend about the fact a human was her pet “meet Tak, he’s my... pet”
“Ohh!” Pinkie Pie mounted on his back “sounds like fun”
“Get off me, pony” Takeo said upset “or erse, I’rr...”
“Tak” Fluttershy interrupted “I think I said my pets never talk”
“But...”
“Tak, I’m serious” she looked at his eyes. He sighed and evaded his sight.
“Gee up Tak!” the pink pony yelled as she grabbed his ears and pulled them. The human got angry and begun to shake his body in a futile attempt to get her off him. She giggled as she was grabbing him and humping “this is certainly fun, Fluttershy!”
He finally managed to grab her left hoof and took her off his back. He was about to throw her when he heard her “master’s” voice
“Tak!” she said serious “don’t dare to hurt my friends”. When she noticed he wasn’t listening to her, she grabbed a newspaper, rolled it and hit his head “bad, Tak, bad!”
It took more time for Takeo to let Pinkie Pie go than it took her to stand up and coughed before she grinned widely again “hey, calm down, Tak!” she said “I was just playing. I knew you’re all so funny since I met you yesterday”
He sighed while he was trying to not to talk as ordered. Fluttershy turned to her pink friend and said: “Pinkie Pie, I...um... we came here for a dessert” she smiled “it’s a reward for Tak, he’s very kind, nice and obedient” the human face palmed
“Ohhh!” the pink pony said and then she went to the counter “what will it be, Fluttershy?” she pointed at several pastries “cake, cupcake, muffin, cookies or candy cranes?”
“Oh, I guess it’s up to Tak” she turned to him “your choice”
He looked at her for a moment before he took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down. “I stirr can’t berieve I’m taking orders” he thought “especiarry from a pony” he then looked at the pastries “this shame wirr onry rast for a day at reast. Better forrow her game, her creepy stare is powerful and honourabre”
“So, what will it be?” Pinkie said to him, cutting his line of thought “personally, I recommend chocolate muffins, they’re so delicious!” she giggled
After a moment, he finally pointed at a banana cake. Losing no time, Pinkie Pie took it and gave it to him. Fluttershy smiled and she took a couple of bits from her bag.
“This one’s free, Flutter” the pink pony said “after all, this one’s for a very special friend of mine” she turned to Takeo “we are friends, right?”
“What’s wrong with this one?” he thought and raised an eyebrow confused. He didn’t fully get her words and before he could react she was bouncing around him.
“I already met Richtofen and Dempsey. Both are tons of fun!” she stood in front of him “I see you’re funny too” she opened her eyes widely “Oh, maybe we all can meet again”
“We all?” Fluttershy asked confused.
“Well, duh!” she begun to count with her hooves “Twi, Dashie, AJ, Rarity, Tak, Ed, Dempsey, Nikolai, you and me” she then said excited “tons of fun before they go, Pinkie Pie style” she looked at her watch “oh my, it’s almost time. It was nice to meet you, but I gotta get ready” she pushed them to the entrance.
“Time for what?” the yellow Pegasus asked.
“You’ll see for yourself soon” she laughed “soon!” and, before her friend could ask her something else, she closed the door.
“Tak” Fluttershy said “we’d better get to go now. I need to feed the bunnies in my cottage”. The human nodded his head and both went back to her home.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Golden Oaks Library
“Phew, I finally reordered all the books that creature threw all over the place” Twilight said with a smile, although there were sweat drops on her forehead, she felt full of energy to study as usual. She looked at the bookshelves while she was deciding which one she’ll read.
“Mmph, today’s Sunday, which means relaxation” she took a story book “guess I’ll read this one. I’ve never seen it before” she opened it and read “Anthology, by Peacebringer”
Before she could turn the page, a ball of bright light spawned in the library, she turned around and she gasped in surprise. The bowed down and she approached slowly to the royal visitor.
“Princess Celestia, what a surprise” she said nervously.
“Twilight Sparkle” she announced “my sister informed me about the incidents that happened yesterday”
“Oh” she gulped “about that...” she stopped talking after the white Winged Unicorn made her a sign to stop.
“My most faithful student; I have witnessed your improvement during your stay and I trust you deeply”
“Princess?”
“And for that, I shall entrust you a very important task” she walked to a window and saw through it.
“Your wish is my command, Princess” she said while she was still bowing down “what is the nature of such important task?” the princess turned back to her, smiling.
“I want you to formerly introduce me to the new human visitors” the violet unicorn widened her eyes “my sister told me about them after she arrived to the castle and I must meet them personally”
“Really?” she said surprised and the Princess nodded her head. “But” she said worried “they are not... I mean, it would be better to not to meet them”
“May I know the reason?” Princess Celestia asked. The violet unicorn, as she remembered what happened, evaded her sight in embarrassment “I see you went through an undesirable experience, my faithful student. With your progress on friendship and your diligence, I am sure you will handle this properly” she turned to the front door and opened it with her magic “with that matter clear, I am sure you will have no objection”
“Y... Yes Princess” the violet unicorn walked to the door “please follow me. Pinkie Pie told me where they are”. They then walked towards the Everfree Forest where Richtofen is repairing the machine.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Carousel Boutique
The three mares were sleeping peacefully after a restless night. It was already afternoon and it seemed like they would last longer. But then Trixie, the azure unicorn, woke up and she lifted slowly from the bed with her eyes barely opened.
“What just happened?” she wondered “where am I and why does my head hurt?” she rubbed her eyes and looked at her left. Surprise was the only feeling she had. She screamed and accidentally fell to the floor, awakening the other two ponies.
Rarity, the white fancy unicorn, opened her eyes and quickly looked around scared. She quickly noticed the other two mares and gasped in surprise. “What the hay are you doing here?” she asked.
“Shhh” Berry Punch, the purple earth pony replied “don’t be so loud. I hate it during a hangover”
“Wait” Trixie interrupted “why are we all here anyway? Trixie should not be in Ponyville right now. Trixie should be travelling to the closest town”
“Oh, shut your mouth” Berry Punch said “it was your entire fault after all”
“Trixie’s fault? How dare you...”
“Enough you two” Rarity said “okay...” she looked around “was it just a weird dream or you all also remember a strange drunk, smelly creature?”
“Nikolai?” the azure unicorn said sarcastically “the one who got us all into drinking games?”
“That one” the fancy unicorn felt dizzy for a brief moment “Ugh, can you please tell me how did we get here?”
“I don’t really want to know” Berry Punch replied blushed “my mouth tastes like vodka... I don’t wanna know why or how”
“Ew” Trixie mumbled. She lifted her head to take a deep breath when suddenly her eyes widened “what in the?” she pointed at the elegant candelabrum that was hanging over them “is that what I think it is?”
The other two ponies looked up. While Rarity contained herself to not to throw up; Berry Punch gasped in surprise.
“Well” the purple earth pony said “how did his pants managed to get there anyway?”
“And his underwear” the fancy unicorn said before putting her hoof on her mouth again.
“Oh please don’t say Trixie just had...” she felt angry “...and with a weird creature; a weird drunk creature”
Berry Punch shrugged “we were drunk. He was drunk. It was predictable” she lifted an eyebrow “why didn’t I see this coming?”
“You say this like if you were an expert” the Azure unicorn replied while she turned at her with a weird glimpse.
“Not really. I used to be a party animal during my youth. Then I stopped drinking alcohol when I got pregnant” she smiled “being a mother is much better than being drunk”
Before the azure unicorn could reply, Rarity interrupted them. “Oh my, if somepony knows this, our reputation will be ruined”
“Then we must get Nikolai and force him to not to talk” Trixie said upset.
“Where’s him anyway?” Berry Punch said worried “he may be anywhere now. He may even have talked now”
“Do not worry, Berry. He must be drinking with his companions at this moment” she sighed “and maybe telling them about his “adventure””
“It isn’t looking good” Trixie replied “we must not lose time and find him”
“Any ideas?” the fancy unicorn said while she was looking at them.
“Split up maybe?” Berry Punch answered with hesitation, she then turned to Trixie “did he tell you anything about his whereabouts or at least any clue on where he will be?”
“Why you keep asking Trixie?” she said upset “and not exactly. He mentioned the word “motherland” several times, but Trixie doesn’t know about that place”
The purple pony sighed “I’m not going to lose more time arguing here” she turned to Rarity “you go look for him in every place with food and drinks... mostly drinks” she then turned to Trixie “you go look for him on the town limits: the apple farms, Everfree Forest, anywhere. I have a hunch that they’re close to those places”
“And what about you?” Rarity asked.
“I’ll go check the Sugarcube Corner and find out what the hay happened last night”
“What for?” the azure unicorn asked confused.
“Maybe somepony knows more about him than we do. That’d do the task easier.” The other two mares looked at her confused “what?”
“You seem to be experienced in those concerns” Rarity said.
“You sure you were only a party animal?” Trixie complemented.
“I don’t want to talk about my past. It’s not of your concern anyway” she replied upset and then she walked to the door “now, shall we proceed?”
The trio left the room and walked down the stairs. They were reaching the entrance door when they heard a familiar voice behind them.
“May I ask where you three are going?” Princess Luna, the dark blue winged unicorn asked serious “mares of perdition?”
The three ponies turned to the Princess and, instinctively, bowed before her. They were trembling and they felt fear as they remembered their encounter with the royal Princess last night.
“Oh Princess” Rarity said with almost an unbearable voice “we promise we will not...”
“You will not what?” Luna interrupted with a loud voice. Although it wasn’t the royal Canterlot voice, it was loud enough to shake the place. “You three, along with the human creature, disappointed us deeply” she approached to the scared ponies and stomped her hoof in front of them “you have one chance to tell me why should I forgive you” she looked to Rarity “especially you”
The white unicorn gulped and she stood up slowly. Her legs were shaking, she was sweating and her face showed fear. It took her a few moments to recover and say her first words, hoping that she would convince the royal Princess.
“Your highness” she said with a shaking voice “I know I did many actions that I regret during the party. I know I should not have drunk alcohol, I know I should not have yelled to my poor little sister”
“And?”
“And I should not have interrupted you when you were scolding Nikolai” the Princess made her a sign to stop talking and go to the kitchen. Rarity looked back at the other two mares worried and then she walked away.
“Now you” the dark blue winged unicorn turned to Trixie “tell me, why should I forgive your unpleasant actions?”
“Princess” she said while she tried to keep herself calmed “he dared to challenge Trixie. He said he was better than Trixie. It’s his fault, not Trixie’s”
“And you think it is enough reason to justify the fact you drank with him?”
“Well” she evaded her sight “no, but he...”
“It is not about him!” Luna interrupted “the human already got punished. It is time for you to assume the consequences of your own actions and stop blaming others”
“But...” she tried to defend herself one more time, but the Princess was already upset at her.
“Enough. I heard enough from you” she pointed at the kitchen “wait there. I am done with you”
The azure unicorn held a tear and contained her frustration as she walked to the kitchen. Princess Luna sighed and then she turned to the third mare.
“What do you have to say in your defense?” she asked. The purple earth pony took a deep breath.
“It’s my entire fault” she only said “I knew the punch had alcohol, but I said nothing”
“May I ask why?”
“It’s just” she hesitated “It’s been a long time since I drank an alcoholic drink” she looked at the Princess “I kept myself sober for years just for my little daughter. I honestly thought all that could happen was fun, games and then an epic hangover” she sighed “I was wrong”
“Consider yourself lucky no major damage happened” Luna replied, this time with a lower tone “This is why we allow alcohol only during holidays or mayor events. We provide security in order to avoid those kinds of consequences” she pointed at the kitchen “now, wait for me there. I shall tell you if you were forgiven or what punishment you will receive”
The purple mare walked towards the room where the other two mares were waiting nervously. She looked at them and said nothing. She just sat on the table.
“What did she tell you?” Rarity asked.
Berry Punch looked at her and noticed she was worried “nothing. She said she will decide what she will do with us”
“Guess Trixie will get the worst punishment” the azure unicorn said upset “It’s just unfair. The princess didn’t let her to explain and she just got angry at Trixie”
“All we did was to drink some alcohol, is it worse than committing a crime?” the white fancy unicorn said “come on Trixie. Don’t be so worried”
“You might be right” she replied “Trixie just wanted to rise and shine again. And just because of that “human”, now she will be the laughing stock of the travelling magicians”
“Girls, don’t forget our plan” Berry Punch said “we still must find him and make him keep all this in secret”
“You are right” Rarity looked at the kitchen’s door “I mean, if we can still go after this”
Only a few moments passed before Princess Luna entered the kitchen. The three mares stood in front of her nervously and waited for her words. She looked at Rarity and said
“Rarity, the holder of the element of generosity” she said calmed “you proved you’re generous when you thought about the human and tried to defend him, even if that meant to stand between him and the royalty. However, I see you must enforce the lessons you learned”
“What do you mean your highness?”
“I want you to apologize with your sister and never drink again”
“Yes, Princess” the unicorn said relieved. The Princess then turned to Trixie.
“Trixie” she said with a slightly louder tone “also known as the Great and Powerful Trixie if I am right. It is true that the human, Nikolai, challenged you, but you could have just denied the challenge and walk away. I understand you want to be the best in every subject and you would accept any challenge to prove yourself. I also understand you want to avoid the consequences of your mistakes” she took a step closer to the Azure unicorn “Since you are a traveler magician and your magical skills are almost as developed as the holder of the element of magic, and then it’s up to you to decide”
“Decide?” she asked confused. The dark blue mare nodded her head.
“Either I personally become your mentor for a whole year or I take your magic back from you. Both ways will teach you to face the consequences of your actions and also help you be a better mare”
“I...” she looked at the other ponies “I want to keep my magic. I choose to be your.. erm..”
“Student” Rarity said, helping her partner.
“That one”
“Very well, we shall go to Canterlot before the day ends”
“Thank you, your highness” the azure unicorn said relieved. The winged unicorn nodded her head and then turned to the purple earth pony.
“Berry Punch” she said with a calmed tone “Unless the others, you knew what would happen if everypony drank. You wanted to remember your past when you had no important duties and you could do anything without worry. Be grateful your daughter doesn’t know about it and she won’t. I know your specialty is to create and taste every kind of fruit beverages, alcoholic or not. Anyway, I want you to avoid alcoholic drinks until your daughter grows up and becomes an independent mare”
“Okay Princess” she said and sighed.
“Is there something bothering you?”
“Actually, yes; we don’t want him to tell the others about what happened between him and us”
“And what happened exactly?” The Princess asked and the three mares blushed “Oh, I see. You may leave now, my little ponies”
The three mares bowed down again in sign of farewell and then they walked towards the main room, opened it and each one trotted in a different direction, looking for Nikolai. The dark blue winged unicorn looked at them go and smiled.
“It’s good to see these ponies are not into perdition. My sister has done a great job on keeping them in good behaviors” she then walked out the boutique and unfolded her wings “my job here is done for now. I shall return later to see if those humans are gone” she thought before she lifted herself up and flew away.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Sweet Apple Acres
After spending a couple of hours with the fillies, Dempsey returned to his place on the table. He noticed Applejack was smiling at him, but he pretended he didn’t notice that and took a jar of apple juice. He filled a glass and lifted it at the height of his nose. He smelled it and then he took a swig.
“So, how was it?” the orange pony asked while she was still smiling at him.
“How was what?” he replied drily
“Ah mean the fillies. Ya seemed happy”
“It’s not of your business” he looked at the table “where the hell is the food? I’m starving and I must meet the others as soon as possible”
“Dashie went t’help mah family. They’ll be here in no time”
“Yeah right” he sighed and he looked at Applejack for a moment “so, since that tomboy’s not here, then I wanna ask you something”
“Ask away, Dempsey. Ah’ll try t’answer with honesty”
He got close to her and whispered “are you two on a relationship?” the orange pony’s smile faded and looked at him strangely “’cause you seemed too friendly back at the party”
“What?” she replied shocked “of course not, we’re just good ol’ friends”
“I don’t think so” he grinned “alcohol makes us do stupid things, but it also reveals our feelings” he stood back on his chair “just like my family says: only children and drunken people are honest”
“Of course not, ah just wanted t’help her. T’was the only idea that came up in my mind” she said nervously.
“All right” he said mockingly “if you’re not a lesbo, then y’all bitches have a very special way to express your feelings”
“Don’t call us like that” she said slightly upset “ah’m already makin’ this up to ya. Even Dashie’s embarrassed about... well, y’know that” she then noticed some of her familiars were looking at her. She whispered to Dempsey: “and please don’t let mah family know ‘bout it.”
“Oh well, do I really have a choice?” he replied “as long as this “feast” doesn’t last long and I get the hell out of here, then there will be no problem”
Suddenly, the doors opened and Rainbow Dash, along with several ponies, entered as they here holding baskets and pots.
“Food’s here!” she said loudly and happy. She approached to the table and carefully put the pot on it “careful, it’s hot”
While the other ponies were putting the food on the table, the rainbow mane Pegasus sat next to Dempsey. She seemed a little tired, but she did her best to hide it by grinning.
“Wow, now that surprised me” the human said as he was looking at the great variety of meals in front of him “oh my, is that a pie?” he pointed at a circular cooked mass with fruit on it
“Heh, ah knew you’ll like it Dem...” Applejack said before she stood silent while Dempsey yelled.
“Fuck yeah!” he reached it and grabbed a portion.
“Dempsey!” Rainbow Dash said worried
“What?” he looked at her and then at the other ponies; they were looking at him upset “well... awkward”
“It’s a tradition the youngest ponies gets served first” Applejack said and then she looked at the fillies. They took a seat near the trio.
“Okay then. I hate freaking traditions anyway” he left the portion he was holding and returned to his place. Meanwhile, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked at the meals with shiny eyes and then they took their favorite ones.
Applebloom took a bite on the apple pie, chewed it slowly and then swallowed it. She grinned widely and turned to her sister “Oh sis, this is the best fuckin’ pie ah ever tasted”
“Say what!?” Applejack replied. She felt her heartbeat was accelerating as she looked at the other ponies. Dempsey, in the other hand, barely contained a laugh
“Oh, my dear” Granny Smith, an old green earth pony, said as she felt deeply shocked.
“Ah said this pie is fuckin’ tasty, right Scoot?” she replied naturally. She never suspected about the true meaning of the new word she just learned.
“It sure does” the orange filly replied “not like that crappy corn snack I ate this morning”
As the apple family were looking at the fillies shocked and not knowing what to do, Dempsey was grinning. Granny smith fainted after she heard Scootaloo saying another bad word; Big Macintosh, a stallion with red coat, held the old mare.
“Holy shit!” Sweetie Belle said worried “what happened to Granny smith?”
“Girls, you better stop saying all those words now” Rainbow Dash said angry.
“Why?” Scootaloo said “but I thought I sounded badass”
“What?”
“No Scoot, you’re wrong” Applebloom poked her “that’s not how ya say it, dumbass”
“Applebloom” Applejack said angry “get over here, you bad-mouthed filly!”
“What for?” she replied worried “what did ah do wrong?”
“Ya know what ya did. Y’are grounded, lady”
“Awww” Applebloom made a sad puppy face “but sis...”
“But nothing! You three won’t meet each other for a very long time”
“Pfft, what a cunt” Scootaloo mumbled
“I heard you” the rainbow mane Pegasus said. The orange filly turned back and realized too late she was standing behind her “you three fillies have no manners, don’t you? I’m disappointed, Scootaloo”
“But..but...”
“Excuse me, but we actually tried to impress you with overwhelming manners” the white unicorn filly interrupted as she raised her hoof.
“Uh?” the blue Pegasus was confused.
“Yeah, Dempsey taught us about these brand-new manners from his world”
“Dempsey?” Applejack said upset. Her eye twitched twice and she turned back to her left and realized he was gone. The seat was empty and the apple pie was gone. She breathed heavily as her patience got depleted and then she yelled angrily “Dempsey!”
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Everfree Forest
“Oh joy, the MDT is almost ready. I just need some fuel and it will be ready” Richtofen, the German doctor, said. He looked at the teleporter mainframe with pleasure and satisfaction and grinned “that brat delayed my plans, but soon she shall pay” he laughed “soon!”
“Ehem” he heard and turned around. He coughed and then he said:
“Oh Twilight, I knew you couldn’t resist to see mein creation” he then saw Princess Celestia next to Twilight “Oh my, what a surprise”
“Edward Richtofen” the violet unicorn said seriously “by royal order, I introduce you to Princess Celestia; the supreme ruler of Equestria”
“Oh pretty” he lifted his left arm, doing the known national socialist salute, “It’s good to see the supreme being of this land. It’s almost as exciting as meeting ze führer in person”
The Princess couldn’t help but to smile slightly, she then took a step towards the human, “and it is such a pleasure to see a human after a long time”
“What?” Twilight asked confused.
“So, what brings you to this common place besides meeting ze most genius doctor?”
“My sister, Princess Luna, told me about you. She seemed upset though; she told me about your actions when she went to the party. She told me there are three of you”
“Actually, there are four of us” he interrupted “but I never knew what they did or went”
“Richtofen, don’t interrupt the princess when she’s speaking”
“Oh ja, sorry about that” he then said sarcastically “it’s not like she shall banish me to the Moon or touch me in ze...”
“Ehem!” the violet unicorn interrupted him.
“Sorry again” he turned back to the white winged unicorn “so, if you want to meet those monkeys that are with me, then you’d have to wait for a long time”
“Then it shall be this way” the Princess casted a pillow and sat on it “they can take their time. There is no hurry”
“Oh wunderbar! Now, to wait for them” he looked around, sighed and then said “Dempsey’s right, maybe having some minions to shoot at wouldn’t be so bad after all. I’m getting bored”
“Minions to shoot at?” Twilight asked with great confusion.
“Oh ja, ze doctor has some interesting stories” he thought for a moment “maybe your majesty would like to hear them meanwhile”
The Princess nodded her head in sign of agreement and said “you may proceed, Richtofen”
“Oh please, just call me Edward... or ze Doctor” he then sat on the grass “Now this is the story of how I became ze greatest genius in Germany”
“Germany?”
“Silence, Twilight!” he replied “ze Doctor is telling a story to ze Princess”
He then proceeded to begin with his tales about his adventures, along with his partners, throughout the zombie infestations. Princess Celestia was listening with curiosity as Twilight was trying to understand what he was talking about.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Ponyville’s Streets
Nikolai and Derpy were walking through the streets of the town while she was delivering the last letters to the mailboxes. He was already desperate about the fact he wasn’t able to find the others.
“All right, we’re done here” she said after she put a letter on a mailbox.
“Your stupid idea sucked, Ditzy...”
“Derpy”
“Whatever. I haven’t seen any of those bastards around”
The gray Pegasus grinned and then she put her left hoof around his neck and pointed at several houses “there are still plenty of houses, houses everywhere”
“Lots of houses, but no vodka; how the hell am I supposed to satisfy my thirst?”
“Not to worry! I know the perfect place” she replied with her regular happy tone.
“Is it a tavern?”
“Erm... no”
“A distillery?”
“What’s that?”
“Then what are you talking about?”
“There’s an Inn nearby. They have a plenty of drinks and food”
“You said drinks?” his eyes shined and he smacked his lips “then we have no time to lose”
“And what about your friends, Nik?” she asked as she put a hoof on her chin.
“Screw friends, I got drinks”
“Okay! I’ll show you the way” she then started to fly clumsily to the place she mentioned and Nikolai followed her.
“She flies like she was drunk, like...” he thought “erm.. Well, none of my ex-wives. Bitches were too big to even jump”
After a few moments, both arrived at a wooden building. On its top there was the sign “Ponyville Inn: Food, drinks and beds”
“Well, that sounds wrong” Nikolai told her “In soviet Russia, drinks and beds are no good combo... Especially when there is only one woman”
The gray Pegasus, although she didn’t get what he tried to mean, laughed and put a hoof on her shoulder “Nik, you’re really funny”
“Funny? I’m not a fucking clown” she laughed even harder “well, you know life sucks when even a flying horse laughs at you” he then opened the door and walked to the counter. The other ponies looked at him either strange or confused “well, who serves drinks here?”
Derpy stood next to him and pointed at a stallion behind the counter, “it’s him. I guess his name is...”
“I asked for drink, not for name” he turned to him “hey you! I want a drink”
The stallion looked at him with dismiss and then at Derpy, he raised an eyebrow and then asked: “do you have bits to pay with?”
“Bits?” he replied indignantly “We have to pay for everything here too? In Motherland everything’s free... only big lines”
“Well, sir” he said drily “no bits, no drinks”
“Fuck you!” he turned back to the gray Pegasus “you got bits?” she declined with her head “now this is humiliating”
Suddenly, the sound of coins on the counter and a familiar voice saying “I invite him the first one” made him turn to his right and smile.
“Oh, look who it is” he said “the fancy horny horse... Hairity?”
“Rarity” she sighed “I knew you would be here, Nikolai” she then looked at his companion “oh, hello Derpy”
“Hi Rarity!” she replied and saluted her “I didn’t know you knew Nik. He’s very funny”
“I noticed” she turned back to the human “Anyway, I have something important to tell you, Nikolai”
“Then spill the beans” he replied as he took the glass filled with juice. He took a swig and then spilled it on her face “Ugh, what the hell is this crap?”
“It’s apple cider” the stallion replied.
“I said a drink! Something like vodka or even something with alcohol”
“I’m sorry, but we don’t serve those kinds of drinks here”
“What is this nonsense?” he turned back to Rarity “whatever you want to say, say it quickly. I’m in a hurry”
She stared at him as her face was still covered with the drink he spilled. He took a dry cloth with her magic and cleaned her face. “It must be in private” she said.
“Okay, no problem!” Derpy replied.
“I mean, only he and me” the gray Pegasus nodded her head. “And that means without you”
“Oh, okay” she replied slightly sad and then walked to a distance. Rarity then turned back to the human.
“Nikolai” she whispered “you didn’t tell anypony or anyone about what happened between us, right?”
“You mean the drinking game?” he said loudly. The other ponies turned to him briefly and then ignored him.
“Shh. I do not want anyone to find out about... what happened after that”
“You mean when you fainted on a puddle of your own vomit?”
“What? Ew, but I mean what happened after that”
“When the others helped me to carry you to your home?”
“After that”
“When the blue commie got hit with a bat and passed out after she broke through house she thought it was yours?”
“After that”
“When the purple horse was chocking after she ate a bunch of grapes... and I had to do a mouth-to-mouth breathing?”
“What?”
“Or when I had to take my pants off when your stupid cat attacked me? Pants and underwear”
“What!?” she said with great shock
“By the way, I’ll get you another cat... and a shovel... and basically a new garden”
Rarity could not reply anymore and just let him talk.
“And now that I think, you owe me one for putting you and blue commie on bed instead on cold floor”
The fancy Unicorn felt a relief after she heard that, “so, we didn’t have... Erm...”
“Not exactly” he interrupted “purple horse was horny... drunk and horny... it was either you two or me”
“And what happened?”
He stared at her “that’s a story Nikolai wants to forget with vodka... lots and lots of vodka”
“So you remember everything from last night?”
“Of course; I’m drunk all the time, I’m used to it”
Rarity instinctively hugged him and with a big grin she said: “you don’t know how much you have just helped me, Nikolai”
“Hey!” he said upset “you almost stab my eye with your horn”
“Ups, sorry” she then walked fast to the exit “I must tell the girls about this” and before he could reply, she walked out.
“Nikolai saved the day again. Weird, this time I wasn’t even trying” he then looked at the gray Pegasus and noticed she was looking at him, or trying to look at him, with a serious glimpse. He stood up from his place and approached to her. “Guess we must get going.”
“You really like hugs, don’t you?” she replied upset “especially from your “best friend””
“The hell do you mean?” he then smiled widely “you jealous?”
“No, I’m not, it’s just” she evaded her sight “I thought I was your best friend.”
“What’s so important about it?”
“Just look at me” she pointed at her eyes “do you think somepony would hang out with somepony with eyes like this?” He scratched his head and his face had an awkward glimpse.
“I don’t really know what you want to say, but in Soviet Russia...”
“Just please answer me” she interrupted. Her voice was trembling and her eyes were holding a tear.
“Okay!” he replied “I don’t really give a fuck about how others look” he smiled “if I’m with two bastards I don’t like and Dempsey, then you know what I mean”
“Really?” she said with hope.
“Of course, comrade! You might be a girly flying horse with weird eyes, but you were brave enough to stand in front of drunk Russian with no vodka and help him... like first wife”
“I’d like to say the same, but the others always try to evade me just like Rarity did. All I have is my daughter”
“Comrade Derpy” he put his hand on her shoulder and then pointed at the other ponies “does it really matter what those fuckers think?” he laughed “your daughter is like vodka: as long as it’s present, then others can screw themselves”
“Wow” she said surprised “I didn’t know you’d think like that” she then smiled “thank you, Nik”
“Thank me? For what?”
“For helping me”
“Help you?”
She giggled “you’re the funniest guy I’ve ever met”
“Ookay” he replied confused “guess telling everyone else to not to give a single fuck is best way to help. I’d drink to that if I had vodka”
The gray Pegasus then proceeded to stand up from her seat and walk to the door as Nikolai followed her. “Let’s keep going, Nik. It’s getting late and you have to find your friends”
“Yeah... friends” he said and then thought “I just want my vodka back... fucking big queen horse with her fucking magic powers fucking ruined my day”
They walked together through the town, heading to the places located outside the town.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Fluttershy’s Cottage
Berry Punch, the purple earth pony, was walking to the cottage in search for information after she was told one of the humans entered there. She had spent her time asking everypony she saw about the humans, especially Nikolai, and she already knew they were first seen by the pink overactive pony known as Pinkie Pie.
She opened the gate to the cottage’s front yard and approached to the door. She was about to knock it when she suddenly heard something strange.
“No Tak, you’re doing it wrong” she heard from the inside. It was Fluttershy’s voice. She noticed her tone was energetic and assertive.
“What in the...?” Berry put her left ear on the door.
“No, no, no, Tak. You’re going too fast. Slow down a bit”
The purple earth pony couldn’t help but to think about last night. Her eyes widened and wanted to take a step away from the door, but her curiosity was stronger and she didn’t move.
“Oh Tak, don’t be so rough. Angel might help if you need a hoof... or a hand... if it’s okay with you”
Suddenly, the purple earth pony jumped in shock after she heard a loud sound from inside the cottage. It sounded like if something heavy fell.
“No Tak, No!” she heard with an angry tone “You don’t want mama Fluttershy to punish you again, do you?”
“Eww” her eye twitched once and blinked her eyes twice. She heard nothing for a few moments and she felt relieved. Suddenly, Fluttershy started to talk again.
“Okay Tak, now put it inside nice and slow. No need to hurry, you already damaged it earlier”
“Oh for Celestia” she thought “this would be a perfect time to stop it, but how?” she looked around with her eyes as she stood still
“Yay, you made it. I’m so proud of you, my little lovely pet” she heard how the yellow Pegasus was breathing loudly and then said tired “You’re such an energetic boy. You deserve the prize you wanted”
“Wasn’t it already the prize?” the purple mare thought “um, what the hay am I thinking?” she took a step away from the door “okay, time to get over it”. Then, she bucked the door, opened it and entered with her eyes closed.
“Oh my” Fluttershy said after she turned to her shocked “Berry, you startled me” she then noticed the pruple mare’s eyes were closed and she was blushing “are you okay?”
The purple pony opened her eyes slowly as she gulped. She noticed she was breathing fast and her heartbeats were going at a faster rate than normal. When she saw Fluttershy and Takeo, she just kept looking at them without moving or talking.
“Is there something wrong?” the Pegasus asked worried. She was holding a wooden bird nest; its size was almost as half of hers.
“What were you...” Berry Punch asked while hesitating “what were you two doing?” she pointed at Fluttershy, then at Takeo and finally at the crafted item.
“Um, we were just building a nest for the little visitors” Fluttershy answered with a smile “at this time of the year, more birds migrate near here”
“I see” she replied awkwardly “and what was he putting inside... slow and steady?”
“Oh, he was putting a fruit bar inside it. Those lovely brids are hungry when they come here”
“So, you two were just doing that” she laughed nervously “and all this time I thought it was...” she looked at them with an awkward smile and stood silent for a moment.
Although Fluttershy didn’t get what she meant, Takeo did. He sighed and face palmed again. He was sitting on the floor next to Fluttershy and was holding some tools on his hands.
“Ookay” Fluttershy said confused “is there something... I can help you?”
“Actually” she turned her head to Takeo and asked him “do you know where your partners could be?” she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down “especially the drunken one: Nikolai”
He looked at her surprised and scratched his head. He was about to answer when he noticed Fluttershy was looking at him serious. She turned back to the visitor.
“I’m sorry Berry, but he cannot talk”
“Why not?” she asked “I need to find him urgently”
“Because...” she hesitated for a moment “he’s my pet”
The purple mare sighed “really?”
“Well... yes”
“Now how am I supposed to find that creature?” she replied upset.
“I don’t know” she said with a lower tone.
“This is wonderful” Berry Punch said sarcastically and she turned to the door “I find one of the strangers and he can’t even talk” she was about to open the door when she suddenly stopped and looked through the window after she heard another of the humans.
It was Dempsey; he was running while he was holding the stolen meal on his arm. He was laughing and coughing as he turned his head back for a brief moment.
“What’s the matter, can’t you catch Dempsey, you pon-bitches?” he yelled.
“Now that’s weird” Berry said and Fluttershy approached, standing next to her.
“You won’t get away, Dempsey!” they heard from above; it was Rainbow Dash. She was also chasing him by flying “I thought we had a deal!”
“Oh my, my friend seems to be in trouble” Fluttershy said worried.
“Deal with it!” he yelled. The yellow Pegasus and the purple mare then saw how the rainbow mane Pegasus dove straight to him. Dempsey saw her and with a quick turn he barely evaded her hooves. The blue Pegasus crashed on the floor and rolled for at least ten yards. “So long, sucker!” he laughed and they saw him run until they couldn’t see him.
“You won’t escape, you hear?” the rainbow mane Pegasus yelled and tried to flutter her wings “Ouch, my wings. Not again!” she yelled angrily and she ran while she tried to lift herself up.
“What just happened?” Berry Punch wondered.
“I don’t know, but my friend needs...” she cut her talk when both felt the ground shaking. They gasped when they saw the entire apple family running at the same direction Dempsey was. The two mares followed them with their eyes until they were gone.
“Now that was weirder” Berry said after a moment “What did he do to be chased by the apple family anyway?”
“Something terrible for sure” the shy Pegasus replied and turned back to Takeo “luckily they’re not alike” she smiled at him and then turned back to the purple mare “maybe you could follow that one”
“No thanks” she replied reluctantly “I will stop looking for that drunk creature and call it a night”
“But it’s not night time yet”
“You don’t say?” the mare replied sarcastically and then walked out the cottage. The yellow Pegasus lifted her head down, closed her eyes and sighed.
“This is not right” she mumbled. She turned to Takeo and walked towards him. She stood next to him and hugged him. “You know Tak” she said “I’m sorry if I did something wrong or against your will” she smiled “I will teach you about the stare and then we go back with your friends, okay?”
The Japanese, although he was surprised, nodded his head.
“Oh, and you can talk again”
“Phew, thank you Miss Fruttershy” he said with a smile “after arr this this, I now know my honor is nothing compared to yours. A honorabre mythical Pegasus wirr arways have my respect” he paused for a moment “even after being treated rike a dog”
The yellow Pegasus blushed and then talked to him about her unique skill; from how she used it for the first time to how influential it could be. Takeo stood silent and was taking mental notes while he was listening to her with great interest.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Froggy Bottom Bog
After running for almost half an hour straight, Dempsey started to feel too tired to keep running. His legs were burning, he was panting and he was all wet because of the huge amounts of sweat.
He turned his head back and, after seeing nopony was chasing him, stopped and sat on a rock. He cleaned the sweat from his forehead with his hand and smiled as he was looking at the fruity pie. He was about to give it the first bite when he felt he was being watched. He looked around carefully, but saw no one or no pony. He shrugged and looked at his food again. He opened his mouth and got the meal closer to him; when he was about to bite it, suddenly a wild manticore appeared among the woods in front of him.
“The hell is that thing?” he said. The creature used his nose to smell for a moment and then it turned to the human. When it growled, Dempsey tried to stand up, but stumbled with the rock and fell. While he has still holding the meal with his right hand, he rubbed his head with his left hand.
He then pulled out his M1911 handgun and aimed at the beast. After he said “eat this, you freak”, he pulled the trigger. All he heard was the familiar click sound which means only one thing: he was out of ammunition.
“Damn it, my gun’s outta juice!” he said angrily, threw the weapon and searched on his pockets; he was doing all this while he was crawling away from the manticore.
“I must have at least a grenade” he thought. After he realized he wasn’t carrying any explosives, he said “all right, this is definitely not my day” and pulled out his combat knife.
“Bring it on, you hellish creature!” he yelled at it “dare to get closer and I’m gonna rip your guts out!” He pointed his knife at the creature while he stood up slowly. The manticore approached to it menacingly; he showed his teeth and prepared his scorpion tail to strike at any moment.
When both were a few yards away from each other, suddenly a black cloud was formed above the manticore. Before it could even notice it, it struck a lightning bolt on its back. The creature howled in pain and fled while Dempsey was just looking at the scene with his mouth opened.
“What the hell?” he wondered. He then heard a female voice and he turned his head to its source.
“You got lucky Trixie found you, creature” the azure unicorn said with arrogance and with her head lifted up. As she approached to him, she kept talking. “If it wasn’t for the Great and Powerful Trixie, you would’ve been his chew toy right now”
“Cut the bullshit” he replied while he put his knife back in his pocket “what do you want?”
“Nikolai”
“What?” he said with a tone of surprise.
“Don’t play fool with Trixie. She knows he’s with you” she got closer and stood in front of him “now, tell Trixie where he is”
“Or else what?” she interrupted as her horn glowed and lifted her pointed magician hat.
“Or else you’ll be looking for that fat bastard blindly”
The azure unicorn stared at him while he grinned mockingly. She sighed and her horn stopped glowing. “Fine” she said with a calmed tone “now can you tell me where Nikolai is?”
“Heh, much better; it wasn’t that hard, isn’t it?” Trixie tried to keep herself calm “honestly, I don’t know where he is. But if something may help you, then it’s the fact he’s not in the apple farm”
“How helpful” she said sarcastically and thought for a moment “what about the other two creatures?”
“The insane nazi and the jap?”
“I guess so”
Dempsey was about to answer when both heard a voice coming from a short distance. “There he is!” they listened; it was a male voice. It came from an earth pony with cream caramel coat and cream brown mane named Caramel Apple.
“Uh oh” Dempsey mumbled and then turned to Trixie “I tell you something: you help me and I help you”
“Trixie already saved your life” she said and she raised an eyebrow.
“You want to find the fat Russian?”
“Mmph, fine. What do you want?”
The human pointed at the direction where the voice was heard “don’t let those ponbitches take me. I’m not in the mood to have a nice talk” he said sarcastically.
The azure unicorn thought for a moment, but before she could make a decision, she felt the ground shaking. In just a few moments, various ponies were surrounding Dempsey and Trixie.
“Well, fuck” he thought.
“Ah told ya Dempsey” Applejack said “ya’re gonna pay for makin’ the fillies talk like ya do”
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said “and don’t forget you owe me one more for hurting my wings”
“Did I tell you to crash like an idiot?” Dempsey replied “no? Then shut the fuck up”
“Enough!” Granny smith interrupted “burn him down!”
“Erm, Granny” Big Macintosh, another colt present, whispered on her ears “but it’s illegal to do that”
“Since when?” she said loudly.
“Since the Princesses begun to rule”
As the Apple Family was complaining, Trixie looked at them without understanding what was happening. She coughed and raised her hoof.
“Excuse Trixie if she interrupts you in such important matters, but what did this creature do?” she pointed at Dempsey
“Who are ya?” Applejack asked her
“The Great and Powerful Trixie” she said as she lifted her head up.
“I think I remember her” Rainbow Dash said “oh, that’s right, she was drinking with another one of the strangers”
The azure unicorn blushed and said upset “It’s surprising you remember that. You seemed too busy having fun with him...” she pointed again at Dempsey “...and her” she pointed at Applejack.
“How the...?” the orange pony was surprised; the azure unicorn teleported between Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
“It’s time for a deal” she said with a low tone, ensuring that only both mares could hear her “let Trixie take the creature and she will not tell everypony what happened between you two and him”
“What?” the rainbow mane Pegasus said while she blushed “but we did nothing”
“Dashie” Applejack said “we better consider this. Ah don’t want anypony t’find out that”
“Me neither” Dash replied.
“So, we have a deal?” the unicorn said with a mischievous smile
“Ah have no choice anyway” the orange pony then turned to her family and yelled “All right everypony! Time to go home!”
“What?” Caramel Apple yelled “but he...!”
“Ah know perfectly that” she interrupted and put a hoof on Trixie’s shoulder “but this pony will ensure he won’t get away without getting punished”
“Will she burn the nasty creature?” Granny Smith asked.
Applejack was about to answer when Trixie interrupted her “Trixie promises to burn him to crisp and then use his rests as fertilizer”
“I like the idea. Come on everypony, no need to be an angry mob anymore” the old mare walked away and the others followed her except for Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
“What do you want now?” the azure unicorn asked with arrogance.
“Why did you help him?” Dash said upset “is it because you’re a friend of them?”
“Of course not, don’t be a fool. Trixie has her own plans”
“Ah don’t fully trust you, but ah guess it’s easier t’leave you with him rather than with us” Applejack then turned around “come on, Dashie. We still have t’teach the fillies t’not to say those words”
The two mares walked away as Trixie looked at them going. She then grinned and turned to Dempsey.
“Trixie did her part, now you do yours” her horn glowed “now, where are the others?”
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Everfree Forest
“...And that’s how I discovered the wonders of time travel, teleport and basically travel through different dimensions” Richtofen grinned and then said with a high pitched tone “I was so emotional”
“That was... interesting?” the violet unicorn said with great confusion and turned to look at the Princess.
“It is always a grateful experience when something new is learned” the Princess said.
“Really?” the unicorn and the human said in unison. The winged unicorn nodded her head.
“It is interesting to know about humans” she said with a smile “it is good to know they have progressed that far in technology”
“Oh, now that you mention that” Richtofen interrupted “how come only you and your sister knew about our existence?” he grinned “mein mind has formed many theories, but I want to hear about it”
“I would tell about it, Edward” she replied “but that part of Equestrian history is forbidden knowledge” she looked at Twilight Sparkle “for important reasons”
“What!?” the violet unicorn said with great shock and surprise “but princess... you mean...”
“Please calm down, Twilight Sparkle. My sister and I have kept that secret for a long time” she looked at the sky and sighed “I can only tell you it happened during the dark ages”
“When Discord ruled Equestria?” the Princess nodded her head “but...”
“Please stop, my faithful student” she said with a serious tone “and do not bring this topic ever again” the violet unicorn lifted her head down.
“Yes, Princess”
Richtofen, after witnessing the scene, grinned widely and said “oh my, this place is more interesting than ze doctor thought” he stood up and approached to the teleporter mainframe “but sadly, I have more important things to do. Maybe next time” he then thought “if there’s a next time”
“And what is this thing exactly?” Twilight asked while she approached to the machine console and looked at it. She lifted her hoof, but before she could get it closer to it, Richtofen slapped it.
“Do not touch it; it’s not designed for hooves”
“Ouch. Then why did you need my book? Is it because of this artifact?”
“That is correct, mein kleine pony” he pulled out the book and gave it to her “by the way, I don’t need it anymore”
The unicorn took it with her magic and noticed a folded corner on a page. She opened the book and read the title: “zap apple trees”, she then turned back to Richtofen “why would you need zap apple juice? Why not just use normal apples?”
“Just as fuel; this “artifact” needs a lot of energy and those special apples hold extreme amounts of it”
“Well...” she remained thoughtful for a moment “what would happen if we use normal apples?”
Richtofen looked at her with a mocking smile, put his hand on her mane and said “just when I thought you were smart, you show you are naive. Very well” he turned to Princess Celestia “your highness, would you please magically appear a gallon of apple juice?”
“Richtofen, I don’t think she...”
“Not a problem” the Princess announced, interrupting her student. Her horn glowed and a jar of apple juice appeared on his hands.
“Oh, danke!” he handed the container to the unicorn and said “you’ll have the honor to see what happens when this pretty doesn’t get enough source”. After she reluctantly took the jar with her magic, he pointed at the bottom of the mainframe. She emptied the content on it and then looked back at Richtofen.
“What will happen, will it explode or what?” she asked
“Nein, it just shows some views from mein world. With low power, I cannot control the age or the location” he grinned mischievously “But I think I can show you the vunders of the Reich!”
“Just that?”
“Ja, ze machine is not perfect yet. Anyway” he approached to the console and turned it on. The violet unicorn saw the lightning coming from the mainframe and stood back from it. As the doctor was typing on the console, the mainframe created a curtain of lightning above it.
“Princess, I don’t trust in his inventions” Twilight said slightly scared to the white winged unicorn as she stood close to her.
“Do not fear, my faithful student, I will ensure nothing goes wrong”
Meanwhile, the German was still programming the machine in an attempt to redirect it to the time and location he wanted. The lightning got denser and blurry images could be seen. As moments passed, the images were getting clearer and also the sounds they emitted.
“Nein! This thingie is too stubborn” he said. Then, he looked at the images and sighed “once again, I have to do this manually” he took a small remote controller, pointed at the lightning screen and pushed a button. He then proceeded to look through the images.
“Let me see if this one’s right” he thought and pressed another button. Suddenly, something could be clearly heard from the screen:
“This is madness” a voice said. The image showed several men wearing only underpants, capes and holding spears.
“Madness?” another voice replied This is....!”
“Nein, too far” Richtofen interrupted and pressed a button, changing the time period. It showed two persons talking after a brief sword fight.
“Look, you stupid bastard, you got no arms left” one of them said
“Yes I have” the other one, with a black armor, replied
“Look!”
“’Tis just a flesh...”
“Still too far” Richtofen said after pressing the button again. This time, the image was cartoonish. It showed an interview during the modern era.
“Some people say you are bipolar”
“I’m not bipolar; I’m bi-winning...”
Once again, Richtofen pressed the button and said with a weird glimpse and mumbled: “what was that?” Meanwhile, Twilight and Princess Celestia were just looking at the images without saying anything
The next image showed a man with blond hair holding a microphone, singing.
“Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you...”
“Nein” the human pressed the button again “but it was a catchy song”. The next image was all pixilated and showed someone with a green cape and only half of his face intact. He laughed with a robotic tone and said:
“All your base are belong to...”
“Nein!” Edward clicked the button again. He was getting desperate, but he hid it with a face of confidency. He turned his head back to the Princess and said “sorry for ze technical difficulties” he then turned back to the screen and tried one more time.
“His diabolical plan is to, you guessed it, take over the world”
“Of course!”
In his anger, he turned off the machine and plugged off the control console. After he kicked the mainframe and emptied the rest of the juice, he turned to the ponies.
“Well, ze shitty machine will not work properly until ze zap apple juice is inside it” he sighed “so, what now?”
While Twilight was still gasping after seeing the weird and random images, Princess Celestia held her calm state and said “while you wait for your partners to come, you miight as well look for the liquid you are looking for”
“No matter” he replied “Nikolai will bring it to me after he comes back” he looked at his watch “we still have plenty of time left. For ze doctor, even a single minute is enough to achieve anything!”
The violet unicorn, who already snapped out of her shocked state, said “anything but show us your magnificent land”
“I wouldn’t talk if I were you” he replied upset “drunk bookworm unicorn pony”
“Why shouldn’t I, shaved ape?”
Richtofen was about to reply her when the Princess interrupted “Twilight Sparkle, what have I told you about how to treat visitors?”
“He’s more like an invader than a visitor”
“Twilight” she said serious
“And why can’t we just give him what he needs so they go away?”
The royal winged unicorn closed her eyes and sighed. She then said calmly “remember we must tolerate and love others no matter how they think or act”
“But Princess, they got us all into trouble...”
“I did nothing!” Richtofen interrupted “it was Nikolai, not me.”
“You two please stop” Celestia said with a slightly louder tone.
Twilight was about to answer when she suddenly saw a gray Pegasus flying clumsily straight to the Princess as she was talking and laughing with Nikolai. She gasped and, instinctively, yelled: “Princess, watch out!”
The white winged unicorn turned around and quickly moved her head, avoiding the Pegasus. She was looking at her when she was pushed by the drunken human.
“Hello ‘ello everypony!” Derpy said with a big smile.
“Hey Richtofen, look what I found” Nikolai said to his partner “say hello to my comrade”
“Oh wunderbar” he replied “you found a Pegasus instead of the others” he looked at the gray Pegasus and she saluted him.
“Derpy, what are you doing here?” Twilight asked “aren’t you supposed to deliver mail on Ponyville right now?”
The gray Pegasus ignored her, turned to the Princess, grabbed her right hoof and shook it as she said “Princess Celestia, nice to see you around here!”
The Princess couldn’t help but to giggle at such innocent act and cuddled her mane. “I am glad to see my loyal subjects greet me in their own way”
“Oh Princess” she pointed at Nikolai “meet Nik, he’s my new best friend since today” she grinned and flew around him “he even helped me to complete my job. No wrong mails this time”
The Princess looked at Nikolai, smiled and said “greetings, my visitor”
As for Nikolai, he turned around and noticed her presence. He looked at her for a brief moment with no emotion and then pointed at her. “Oh shit! Queen Horse changed colors” he then tilted his head “and buttmark. Looks like bottom of a yellow bottle... full of vodka”
The German doctor gave him a scat and said “stupid Russian, she’s not Princess Luna; she’s Princess Celestia”
“Ohhh” he replied with interest “guess Nikolai will receive punishment again”
“Vhat?”
“Nevermind” he turned back to the Princess and then said defiant “you came here to stop party too? Too bad party ended”
“I understand my sister went a bit far yesterday, but she did it for your own sake”
“For fuck’s sake, bitch took my vodka away. Besides...”
“Nik” Derpy interrupted him “please respect the Princess”
“And why should I? After revolution, royalty is worthless for Nikolai”
“Please Nik” Derpy said with a puppy face “do it for me, your comrade”
“All right, all right” he sighed and noticed Twilight was looking at him with disgust “well, the fuck you are looking at?”
“She’s Twilight” Richtofen said to him “and she’s way smarter than you, Nikolai” he then said with a high pitched tone “she also can do ze magicks”
“Oh” he replied excited “like blue commie horse”
“Who?” the violet unicorn asked confused.
“I think she’s called Pixie, I don’t remember well” he pointed at her horn “so, can you cast vodka?”
“Excuse me?” she stared at him and then her eyes widened “I remember you now! You’re the one who ruined the party” she turned to the Princess and said “Your highness, he’s the responsible for all this”
“Here we go again” Nikolai mumbled upset “every time something goes wrong, they blame drunk one”
“Nikolai” Celestia said, interrupting his line of thought “May I ask why did you add alcohol on their drinks?”
“Just for fun and games, I don’t think there’s other reason”
“Fun?”
“Of course, white queen horse. No party is real party until there’s vodka... or someone dies” his smile faded “no horse died, right?” the Princess declined with her head “good, then why so much fucking drama?”
“No pony was prepared for your style of “fun”, Nikolai” the Princess said with a calmed tone “and you now know how they react when they are under the effects of it”
“Okay, okay, I got it!” he yelled “I learned lesson now, happy?”
“I am glad to hear that” she smiled “I will make sure my sister cancels your punishment”
“That’s music to my ears” he turned to his partner “hey Richtofen, are we ready to go kill some more zombies?”
“I don’t see the others around” he sighed “you were supposed to look for them”
“Meh” Nikolai shrugged “I got tired of looking for them. Let’s say they’re dead and then we use your tereporter, okay?”
“Nein; we all must stick together” he laughed and then said “soon it will be all over, soon!” and, when he noticed he was being looked by the others, coughed and said “I mean, more minions will die”
Derpy looked at Richtofen for a brief moment, scratched her head and then she asked to Nikolai: “Nik, is he always that scary? I don’t like to be scared”
“It happens” he replied and then turned around “I will be taking a big Russian bear shit if someone looks for me” he then walked to the woods.
“Ew” Twilight mumbled. Then, an awkward silence reigned upon them.
“Well well well” Richtofen said, breaking it “it seems like it’s starting to get late. Those folks better arrive or mein plans will be delayed again” he looked around and sighed “and it’s not amusing to just wait”
“Maybe I can help” the gray Pegasus said as she raised a hoof, she looked on her mail bag and pulled out a gun. It was small, red and on its top there was a compartment with a strange kind of energy on it. “I found this bubble gun yesterday. It’s fun to pop bubbles” she said with a smile and then aimed to the sky.
“How did she get that?” Twilight wondered and then she noticed Richtofen running to the Pegasus.
“Nein! Don’t shoot...” just before he could take the weapon, Derpy managed to shoot it once. The human looked how the red ray travelled just above him, destroying his hat.
Meanwhile, Nikolai heard the shot. He just looked back and put his pants on. He kicked some dirt to his “waste” until it was covered and then begun to go with the others.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning spawned right in front of him. He stepped back while he felt awkward and saw two shapes forming inside of it. After a few moments, he recognized who they were and grinned.
“Oh, look who they are” he said “blue comrade and Dempsey”
The azure unicorn just stared at him with a serious glimpse and said: “Nikolai...”
“Nice” Dempsey said sarcastically, interrupting her “can I leave now?”
“Be gone, Trixie needs you no more” she replied; she didn’t deign to even see him.
“All right” he walked away and mumbled: “bitch”
She waited until Dempsey was far enough and then said to Nikolai: “Trixie has been looking for you everywhere”
“I guess I know why you are looking for me, and the answer is no”
“Really?” she said surprised
“Of course” he pulled out an empty bottle and showed it to her “I ran out of vodka.”
“Seriously...” she put a hoof on her face “Trixie wasn’t looking for you because of that.”
“Okay, but you still owe me a drink... or seventy four” he remained thoughtful and then said “then it must be because of what that fancy horse told me earlier”
“Fancy horse?”
“Hairity”
“You mean Rarity”
“Whatever. She told me to not to talk about last night”
“Yeah, exactly”
“So, how’s the wound going?”
“What wound?” Nikolai pointed her head.
“That horse hit you hard with a bat. Then you passed out”
“Trixie doesn’t remember.”
“Then you are lucky. I just want to forget this”
“So...” she hesitated “did you... ehem... did we...?”
“Nah. I’m drunk, but not stupid” he approached to her “it was good to talk with blue comrade commie, but I must get going”
“Wait” she held him with her magic “Trixie hates it, but she must apologize for this”
“Just forget it... unless you got some vodka”
“I don’t have any”
“Then just forget it”
As they were talking, Derpy was looking at them from the top of a tree. She went to look for her friend after she noticed he was taking longer than normal. Her face showed sadness as she thought the azure unicorn and him were having a better time than he had with her.
“Trixie must do something. A traveler magician must never leave things without conclussion”
“Okay okay” he leaned against a tree “what do you plan to do?”
“Well...” she put her hoof on her chin and then smiled “I can grant you one wish. Trixie master the arts of magic”
“Then I wish for a case of vodka”
“Except alcohol” she said slightly annoyed
“How disappointing; okay then” he looked around. “One wish, one single wish” he thought; “no vodka, no alcohol, no chance to get rid of Takeo. Think Nikolai, think”
“Grant a wish? What kind of unicorn is she?” Derpy thought and then she looked at Nikolai “and she looks way too interested on Nik”
“That’s it!” Nikolai said loudly “I will get what I’ve been looking for since first wife”
“And that’s...” Trixie said confused.
“Turn into good woman. Not big, not fat, not looking like Nikolai, not bitch, no smelly and not big bear”
“What? Are you serious?”
He pointed at his face “does this face look unsure?”
“Very well” her horn glowed and her shape slowly changed. Her hooves changed into hands, her legs turned into arms, her horn disappeared and her azure coat turned into light skin. After the spell was fully casted, she looked at herself and felt weird for a moment.
“Ohh, now that’s something I like... almost as good as vodka... and much better than all ex-wives together” Nikolai said happily “especially since you only wear cape and hat”
“Ah!” Trixie quickly noticed her lack of clothes and covered her breasts with her left arm and her tight with her right hand. Although her face was blushing, she looked at him upset “You never told Trixie human bodies were too... exposed”
“Heh heh, at least you are most pretty woman I’ve ever seen”
“You pervert. Was it your plan all this time?” she yelled
“Actually, I told you to forget it. You wanted to mend this, and now you made me happy; very very happy”
“But... but” she couldn’t contain her anger anymore and yelled: “Trixie will never forget this, you hear? Never!” she then used her magic to teleport away.
“That was fun” Nikolai thought as he turned around and went with the others “heh, little Nikolai is not so little now”
Meanwhile the gray Pegasus, after seeing what happened, closed her eyes and attempted to hold her sadness. She cleaned a treacherous tear with her right hoof and then she took a deep breath. After calming herself down, she said: “I thought you were different, Nik. You are just like everypony else; you just pretend to hang out and then forget me after they find a better friend”. She unfolded her wings and lifted herself up slowly. She looked at the same direction Nikolai went for a brief moment and then she flew away.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
1 Hour Later
“About time we have arrived, Miss Fruttershy” Takeo said. He, along with Fluttershy, was close to the others. “Now, can you at rast take this annoying chain off me?”
“Um... okay” the shy Pegasus replied and then she lifted up to reach his neck. “Please hold still”, she took the chain off gently and then cuddled his hair. “Here you go, mister”
“Thank you, Fruttershy” Takeo looked at the forest and then said “so, now I sharr return with the others” he turned to the yellow Pegasus “good bye, honorabre Pegasus”
The shy Pegasus, instead of saying good bye, hugged him and smiled. Takeo felt surprised for a moment, but then he understood her kindness and hugged her back. While both were expressing their emotions, the not-so-drunk Russian looked at them from a distance.
He approached to them and he laughed before saying “congratulations, Tak. Finally someone loves you!”
After hearing his familiar voice, Takeo’s smile faded, stopped hugging the yellow Pegasus and turned to him. He then said: “Russian dog, you’re arways ruining everything”
“Heh, dog” he pointed at the chain Fluttershy was holding “guess someone else was a dog today” he grinned mischievously “I didn’t know you were into those kind of games”
“It is not what you are thinking. Miss Fruttershy and I...”
“Miss Fluttershy” Nikolai interrupted, looked at him serious for a brief moment and then laughed harder. “Tak, you’re officially a faggot now”, he then turned to Fluttershy and said sarcastically “hello, Miss Fluttershy, care to put your love midget dog to sleep?”
“Do not tark to her rike that!”
“What will you do to stop me?” he replied defiantly “you touch me, I kill you”
“That’s enough, bolshevist dog” he then proceeded to stare at his eyes.
“What the hell are you doing?” Nikolai said and he raised an eyebrow
“Shut your mouth. I am tired of your rack of manners and your stupid actions. Now take back your words”
“Well... nah” he turned around and said before going away “tell your horsey we’re leaving. You better move your midget ass before I come back and hit you with newspaper”
Takeo and Fluttershy looked each other surprised. None of them were expecting Nikolai to resist the stare.
“What happened, Miss Fruttershy?” he asked “did I do something wrong?”
“You did great, Tak. It’s just...” she hesitated “...it’s just that your friend didn’t seem to care. I never saw it could happen”
“Then you are terring me he’s immune?”
“I guess so”
“That drunken idiot wirr keep ruining my rife” he sighed.
“I’m sorry, Tak. I didn’t know that”
“No need to feer sorry” he put his hand on her mane “you were a wonderfur master” he then looked back to the forest “the time has arrived, Miss Fruttershy. It is time to take our own paths”
The yellow Pegasus nodded her head and saw him walking away. She waved her hoof and then she turned around. Before she could make the first step, she realized Pinkie Pie was too close to her; almost face to face.
“Hello Fluttershy!” she said with a big grin.
“Oh my” Fluttershy stepped back and then she sighed “Pinkie, I didn’t know you were here”
“Neither did I” she shrugged and she looked at the forest “Ohh, but tell me Fluttershy. How was your date? You seem too happy!”
“Date?” she replied shocked
“I’m just kidding” she giggled and bounced closer to her “but seriously, I’m sure you had a great time with Takeo”
“Oh, well...”
“Then why say good bye when I can throw a farewell party?”
“Another party? But Pinkie...”
“Shh...” the pink pony put a hoof on her mouth “they’re all together again. Now it’s the perfect chance for it” she pushed the yellow Pegasus “come on, Fluttershy. Stop the talkin’, let’s get partyin’”
Meanwhile the four humans, along with Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna, were getting ready to go.
“Oh Dempsey; it was good you brought that zap apple pie” Richtofen said while he was making the last changes to the mainframe “I hate pies, but I love huge amounts of power”
“Screw you, Dicktofen” he replied angry “that food was mine, not for your fuckin’ inventions!”
“You call that a problem?” Nikolai interrupted and pointed at the dark blue winged unicorn “she took away my vodka for a whole day. A whole damn day Dempsey!”
“Your rack of respect is dishonorabre” Takeo said “at rast be gratefur you have your poison back”
“Oh, you three shut up” Richtofen yelled and turned to the Princesses. “Your highnesses, it was wunderbar to have stayed here for a whole day. We must go now, mein plans must come to an end” he laughed and then said with a high pitched tone “we should hang out together sometime in ze future. Oh, ze future!”
“And it was a grateful experience for us to meet you” Princess Celestia replied with a slight smile “Richtofen, Nikolai, Dempsey and Takeo. You will be always welcome to visit Equestria again”
“Really?” Princess Luna said surprised, but quickly changed her tone to normal “I mean, yes...” he looked at Nikolai and said reluctantly “you are always welcome”
“I drink to that!” the Russian took a swig from his bottle.
“Nice” Dempsey said sarcastically “Can I leave now?”
“Don’t forget the big box of hate for you” Richtofen said.
“I’rr go turn on the tereporter” the Japanese went to the console and pressed a big red button.
The mainframe started to energize. Bolts of lightning could be seen swirling around it. To the surprise and joy for Richtofen and Twilight, the bolts had colorful colors, resembling a rainbow. After a few moments, the mainframe was fully energized and ready to work.
“Finally it’s working!” the German said and gasped “working!”
“Wow, was it just me or that thingie seemed too girly?” Nikolai wondered
“It’s just you, Nikolai. You’re drunk again” Dempsey replied “now shut up and get your gear up”
“Hohoho, time to kirr more unhonorabre herr beasts”
As they were talking, they didn’t notice that Twilight got closer to the Mainframe. She was amazed and almost hypnotized at such state-of-the-art device. Without noticing, she got her right front hoof closer to the lightning. She accidentally touched it and instantly regretted it as the lighting covered her body instantly and she disappeared in a second.
Meanwhile, neither the four humans nor the Princeses noticed the incident and kept talking.
“Very well, before any of you dumbasses blow it up, I tell you ze pie only has enough power for teleporting us” Richtofen said serious
“Call it a hunch, but I guess you just said something very important” Dempsey replied “and I’m sure something will go wrong anyway”
“If it involves Tak, then I don’t give a shit” Nikolai said and took another swig of vodka “but if it involves my vodka, then someone will die this time!”
“Very well, my little humans; be careful and good luck” the white winged unicorn said. She waited for a moment and then turned to her sister. “Luna” she said “aren’t you going to say something?”
“Okay” she sighed and said “farewell, humans”, she then turned back to her sister and said “better?”
“Much” she then turned to the other direction and asked: “where did my faithful student go?”
“She surely was in a hurry” Richtofen interrupted “no matter, that’ll be next time”
“Next time?” Takeo asked
“I hope there won’t be one” Dempsey said
“I agree, Dempsey, I agree” Nikolai said
Then, the four humans gathered around the mainframe. Richtofen was the first to talk.
“Ladies first, I go last”
“Okay, I get it” Nikolai pushed Takeo to the mainframe and laughed “I love to do this”
“Me too” Dempsey said before kicking his drunk partner to the device. “You better hurry up, Richtofen. I don’t feel like waiting for a fag again” he pointed at the German and then he walked to it.
Richtofen turned back for a brief moment, waved his hand to the Princess while saying “good bye, ponies, good bye” he turned back to the teleporter and, before he could step on it, the lightning faded away. Not only that; the mainframe was no longer there. Instead, there was only a burnt circular patch.
“Oh shi...” Richtofen thought and stomped her foot angrily “this wasn’t part of mein plans! Nein nein nein nein nein!” he turned back to the Princesses.
“What happened, Edward?” Princess Celestia asked worried.
“Ze stupid mainframe faded away before ze doctor could go. This isn’t looking good” he sighed “could it possibly get worse?”
Suddenly, from the burnt patch came a rainbow colored lightning. Before anyone could react, it hit Richtofen, sending him to the ground.
“Oh ficken!” he coughed and stood up slowly. He noticed the Princesses were looking at him shocked. “Vhat happened?”
“Um, Edward” Princess Celestia said.
“Look at your hands” Princess Luna complemented.
“Why should I look at mein...” he looked at them and noticed he had hooves instead of hands. He stared at them for a moment and then fainted after feeling a deep shock.
The Princesses walked closer to him and looked at each other confused.
“What should we do now, sister?” Princess Luna asked
“He is a pony now, but there is nothing on our rules about ponified humans”
“Should we leave him here? He already knows Ponyville”
“Or we could take him to Canterlot. He is a genius scientist after all”
“But he is unstable”
“He could stay here. My faithful student would look after him”
“She is not here. She must know about it”
“Very well” Princess Celestia’s horn glowed and her smile slowly faded.
“Is there something wrong, sister?”
“I cannot find her anywhere”
“That is impossible, how could she...?” Princess Luna stopped talking and looked at the burnt patch “Oh no”
“What is it?” Princess Celestia said worried
“I remember this human said about being capable of only teleporting them. He is still here, Twilight Sparkle is not.”
The white winged unicorn’s eyes widened and looked at Richtofen. She then said “if that is the truth, then my faithful student is in great danger”
The dark blue winged unicorn looked at the new pony. “What will we do now? We must interrogate him. We must know where she went”
Her sister looked at the sky for a few moments. She was breathing deeply and her mind was full of thoughts. She then looked back at her sister and said: “when he wakes up, let him know he will stay in Ponyville”
“But sister...”
“Listen carefully, Luna” Celestia said louder “sooner or later he will reveal everything. My dear student is gone, but that does not mean we should use torture on him. Let him stay and order the rest of the elements of Harmony to look after him”
“Yes sister” Luna replied, knowing she couldn’t change her decision.
“Thank you. I will return to Canterlot now. Please do as I said” she then unfolded her wings and flew away.
Princess Luna looked at Richtofen with distrust. “I knew I should not have trusted in you, humans. I knew it”
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Epilogue
Area 51, Nevada
A bolt of lightning spawned in the middle of a yard. The terrain was muddy with pools of water. Around it, military bases could be seen on the sides and a huge teleporter in a building located in front of the yard. Behind, there was a kind of cage which held a strange but powerful machine.
The scenario was dismal. The smell of blood and rot was strong. Besides, there was an emergency siren ringing loudly. However, for the humans it was just another map full of zombies to kill and a riddle to solve.
“Nevada, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous” Dempsey said while smiling. He looked at his pistol, full with bullets, and stood in attack position
“Okay, for second time in ages, Takeo is surprised” the Japanese said as he looked around.
“Shit. Sounds like all hell is breaking loose here. We must get out quick” Nikolai said and covered his ear with one hand while holding his gun with the other one.
“Where am I? What is this place? Why am I here?” a female voice said. The trio turned to her quickly.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me” Dempsey said upset.
“Richtofen sent a pony instead of him. What the herr was he thinking?”
“Well, we’re fucked. I’ll drink before I die” Nikolai took a swig from his bottle.
“Guys, I’m not supposed to be here” she said worried.
“That’s what everyone says” Dempsey replied and then saw a zombie coming from the ground. “Well, it would be nice to argue with you, but those freakbags won’t kill themselves”
“But how will I come back to my home!?” she yelled desperately.
“Oh, shut up. Nikolai hates when someone shrieks” Nikolai said, took Takeo’s pistol and threw it in front of her “you better start shooting at their heads, or else you will die”
“Oh, stupid Russian. You arways piss me off”
The trio, along with the violet unicorn, began their struggle for survival once again. The absence of Richtofen would make their task harder, but with the help of the smartest and most magical unicorn, they should still make it.
Everfree Forest. 1 hour later
“Ohh, he’s wakin’ up!” Pinkie Pie said.
“I must admit, he looks much better as a pony than a nasty human”
“At least he’s not Dempsey. Ah still wanna beat him”
“Yeah, me too. He went too far earlier.”
“Um, girls. We should help him. He’s still dazed”
“Vhat?” Richtofen managed to say; he was unconscious for an hour and his sight was still blurry. He managed to see five ponies around him. As he tried to stand up, he felt a hoof on his chest, helping him. “Oh, danke”
“Wakey wakey, Eddy!” the pink pony said.
“Why are so many ponies here?” he looked at his hooves “oh, now I remember. This is no fun”
“Hey! That’s what I said” Pinkie said, she stood against his back and kept talking: “too bad your friends are gone. I couldn’t throw ‘em a party”
“A party?”
“She was planning to throw you a farewell party, but you all left” Rainbow Dash said.
“Those three and Twilight” Applejack said sad “ah can’t believe she told us nothin’”
“Yeah, was there a problem on bringing us all to that funny, different world?” Pinkie said as she was bouncing around.
“Maybe she thought we would get upset... I wouldn’t have, she’s a great friend” the yellow Pegasus said quietly.
“I would not have gone with her to be honest” Rarity said “if all the humans are like Nikolai, then I pass”
“Or like Dempsey” Dash complemented.
“They’re not so bad... um.. Takeo was kind” the yellow Pegasus said.
“Excuse me, what are you talking about? Ze doctor is confused”
“Well, duh!” Pinkie took a deep breath and said quickly: “Twilight and you agreed to exchange roles. She left, you stayed. She haves fun on your world, you have fun on hers”
“What? But it...” he felt a hoof on his shoulder, he turned back to see who it was and noticed it was Princess Luna. After he noticed she looked at him serious, he quickly got the trick and said: “I mean, oh ja, that’s what we did”
“It was disrespectful for her to not to say good bye” Rarity said upset “and she never told us when she will be back”
“Don’t worry, sugarcube. She will miss us and go back in no time” the orange pony then thought for a moment and said “meanwhile, she should stay away from Dempsey”
“Or Nikolai” the other looked at Rarity. “What? It was an unpleasant experience for a lady. I will not talk about this ever again”
“All right!” Pinkie Pie interrupted “we should keep talking in the pastry. It’s party time!”
“Again?” Dash sighed “I’m not in the mood”
“Come on Dashie! I promise nopony will get drunk” the overactive pony hugged Fluttershy and Rarity “and a party is not a party when only five of us assist!”
“You’re kidding me”
“Yes I am!” she then started to bounce to the pastry. “Hurry up girls or there won’t be any cake left”
Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack followed her. Rainbow Dash, after being reluctant for a moment, hesitated and decided to follow them too. Meanwhile, Richtofen turned back to the dark blue winged unicorn and said:
“Why did you lie to them? Ze pony is now trapped in mein world”
“Do not misunderstand me, Richtofen” Luna said serious “you will stay and live in Ponyville while my sister and I find a way to bring her back”
“Oh wunderbar. It would be much better if I stay as a human and not as a pony”
“That is another condition. You will have to get used to your new body until Twilight Sparkle comes back” the princess got closer to him “I do not know what you were or are up to. But I will find out and you will get what you deserve”
Before Richtofen could reply, a beam of light formed around Princess Luna and she disappeared in an instant. He stomped his hoof on the grass angrily and thought: “that princess will be a pain for a long time. I better stay in low profile and not let them find out mein plans” he turned back and saw Ponyville. “Besides, that stupid meddling unicorn will surely ruin them. I must find a way to mend this” he sighed and trotted to Ponyville; he was prepared to stand against the new challenges waiting for him as a ponified human.
The End... For now
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Hangover
Written by Xfiles90210
Prologue
Previously on Party:
After an accident with the MDT, Richtofen, Nikolai, Takeo and Dempsey were forced to attend a party threw by Pinkie Pie. However, nothing went as planned; the humans forgot their plan as they, along with the ponies, got drunk and crazy.
They say every action has a reaction. In this case, the humans are now in trouble and they must find a way to get the MDT to work again and go away from Equestria (especially Nikolai).
What kind of surprises and impacts are awaiting for them? Will Nikolai get a drink before he sobers up? Will Takeo be Fluttershy’s pet? Will Richtofen fix the teleporter soon? Will Dempsey forgive and forget the fact he was molested by two “colorful girly ponies”? Let’s find out.
This Ain't Compendium: Hangover
Everfree Forest
Richtofen arrived at the broken teleporter as he was panting after he ran from the library. He looked at the book he borrowed from the violet unicorn and opened it.
“So I was looking for ze energy source at the wrong place the whole time!” he grinned “silly me, all I need is to repair this piece of shit” he kicked the mainframe “and get this rainbowish apple juice” He remained thoughtful “mmph, I wonder if this thing is actually tasty or is just juice with tons of chemicals, oh well”
Suddenly, he heard steps coming closer fast towards him; he turned around, raised an eyebrow and smiled after he noticed who he was.
“Oh Nikolai, where were you?” The Russian stopped in front of him. His face was covered in sweat and his hands were shaking “is there something wrong?” Richtofen asked
“No time to explain” he said tensed and nervous “is that thing ready?”
“Nein, not...”
“Then hurry up, bastard!” he interrupted. The German chuckled as he kept talking “I just want my vodka back!”
“Vodka? I see you finally ran out of it”
“Not exactly”
“What do you mean?”
“The big horsy queen bitch took it away from me” he said upset “then she dared to tell me I won’t get it back until I get the fuck out of here”
“Oh wunderbar!” he replied and then giggled “I think you mean Princess Luna. Oh ja, ze ponies told me about her”
“I don’t care. You fix that thing now before I get sober up again”
“All right then” he looked around “where are the others anyway? We can’t leave without them as they are important for mein plan... I mean, you go look for them”
Nikolai sighed as his anxiousness was growing “and where the hell am I supposed to go?”
“Ze doctor is not sure. No matter, just go look for them everywhere” he then said mockingly “the longer we take to get out of here, the longer you take to drink again, Nikolai”
“This sucks. All right then” he turned around “and fix that tere... tepe... tele... that thingie”
“Oh ja, I will surely do. Bye bye and see you later” he waved at him and faked a smile. When he was gone, he turned back to the MDT “about time he left. I don’t want any interruptions”
