Chapters Gray Rock - Return to Apples
Gray Rock 2- Part 1
I'm sitting on the grass again. Me, not a potted geranium. Although as a geranium, I didn't know anything going on around me.
The next thing I know is lying on the grass with a face full of Applejack trying to kiss me and hug the life out of me. I can't make out the soft noises she's making over the angry noise of Discord.
"Why the heck didn't you call me to fix this earlier?" Discord asks, then pauses, "Oh, I get it Lulu, 'if I can't have him no one can'. I can respect that, congratulations in fact, brilliant. That's a way to keep things fair and balanced."
Luna's angry stammered reply fails as Applejack raises me up to a sitting position. "Are you hearing me?" she asks, "Are you all right?"
"Overwhelmed," I manage after basically figuring out how to talk again. I remember I have arms, and try to raise them, with little success.
Applejack drapes them over her shoulders as she smiles at me, before starting the kissing with less ferocity but similar intensity.
Journal Entry - 1A (since I have no idea how many days have passed and it took about two weeks to learn how to write again)
I'm no longer a geranium. While I spent the time going through my head and dealing with a lot of personal traumas for a long time, I'm back in physical form. I'm not detailing the traumas and resolutions here.
Applejack had found the geranium, realized the pie tins meant it was me, and took me home. I spent the intervening months in a window box on a sill in her bedroom. The entire Apple Family looked after me when Applejack was off on her adventures, even talking to me to keep me up to date in case I could hear them.
This was all revealed at a tearful reunion that saw me getting moved out of the barn into a spare bedroom in the house. It wasn't their parent's bedroom. I used my familiarity with the show to camouflage that I heard nothing during that time. I asked about the invasion, the Crystal Empire, Appleoosa, and some of the things the Crusaders had gotten into. Much to the mirth of the Apples.
I did briefly discuss some of my therapy, although the rapey might be a better name. Nightmare still is a fan of emotional traumas, and I had a bucket load. She'd look in on how my mother and half-sisters treated me, and we'd then go off for some cuddling and sex. It does take the edge off some of those memories. More the cuddling than the sex ironically and as I said, Nightmare is very cuddly. I wasn't quite so explicit with the Apples. I was much more explicit with the journal that Clear Brook reads. Since I couched it in 'I must ask Clear Brook about this' I am looking forward to that discussion.
I'd also received an invitation to a party, at the Golden Oak Library, and received Applejack's assurance that Pinkie will behave herself. She didn't break down in a nervous smile, so I am reading it as 'Or else Pinky will find out about an angry Applejack'.
There's going to be a course of physical therapy, as I haven't moved my body in months and while I remember how to do it, the muscles have forgotten. Imagine having to actually think about reaching over to pick something up. Imagine having to go through toilet-training a second time. Fortunately, that only took a day and was limited to getting a scary expression on my face and lurching towards the nearest bathroom. I think Applebloom is going to make a mask of my scary face for next Nightmare Night.
Picking up bucked apples that spill out of the baskets is a good hand-to-eye coordination training method. So is writing. Although printing is easier and Granny has taken it upon herself to drag out some old school books on the Hoof Frog Method of writing. Why didn't they teach this stuff in my school? Of course not everything is smooth sailing, but they do have a sense of humor.
The string of characters on the page was recognizable, a huge improvement and a source of some pride.
"Why doesn't Miss Cheerilee teach us that, it makes so much more sense?" Applebloom asked as she stared at my work.
"I've thought the same thing," I admitted.
"Gray Rock, we really missed you," Applebloom said, "But we'll never adopt you into the family."
I stopped and stared at her earnest face. I didn't know why the thought disturbed me so much. Slight relief, and pain I never felt about leaving my own family.
"Because if we did, you couldn't marry Applejack," she said, hopped off the chair and scurried out of reach.
Big Mac's soft chuckle could be heard from where Applebloom had retreated to.
I've half a mind to tell her about how she gets her cutie mark, no, I'll tell her she'll NEVER be free of chasing cutie marks.
With Discord out and about, maybe I can get his backup to deal with Mao Tse Pony and her village of equals signs, although I might just drag Clear Brook and Balustrade in first. Justifying my actions will be easier if I have to rescue them.
In the meantime, I'm giving lessons to Fluttershy.
Angel Bunny stood in the corner crying his eyes out and squalling. Fluttershy relented from the 'kicked puppy'/soulful eyes routine, as did I, although only Fluttershy consoled the weeping bunny.
"Just remember, use that on Discord when he misbehaves," I told her, "It'll be more effective than a scolding. And treat his actions as cries for attention, if he misbehaves cancel some fun activity you were going to do together and use the time to clean up his mess."
Fluttershy looked at me curiously. "That's what you were doing to us," she said.
I never said she was stupid, I thought.
I neither confirmed nor denied. "That's an interesting comment." I left her cottage and headed back to Sweet Apple Acres.
The tea party is unexpected. A low-key Pinkie Party seems like an oxymoron on closer examination. But everyone is nicely dressed, without being too fancy. They aren't in little, black dresses, but they're clearly wearing Rarity's work and extremely understated for pony fashion. Clear Brook and Balustrade are here, as chaperones or just to observe I don't know.
For my part, I've gotten out a bunch of books from the library shelves on geography and history. "So why haven't you reclaimed the original pony homelands?" I ask, "The Elements would make short work of any leftover Windingos, Celestia could melt the ice and you'd have the entire place back."
That gobsmacks all the ponies, even Pinkie and Discord don't react, although Discord's monocle falls into his tea.
"What? You talk about it every year, has Daring Do gone there to explore, has anyone else, or has some other nation claimed it?" I ask and look around at the stunned faces.
"Dash, no sense of adventure? Rarity, no desire to see all the ancient fashions?" I say ramping up slowly, then going for broke against their apathy, "Twilight, you're going to leave all those venerable tomes of ancient lore and secrets there?"
There's no Lesson Zero esque explosion, but this is post-Empress Cadence Twilight. "Yes," Twilight says softly, "It's a graveyard, and we're going to leave it as one."
"Well," Nightmare says to me alone, "That was unexpected."
"Okay, who wants to talk about Spider-Hawks?" I ask.
Interrupting the expected mass groan. "How about Rock Farming?!" Spike says, nearly drooling on the floor, "Some of those suckers are ripe, I can smell them when I go out there."
"Well, we have an expert here," I say of Pinkie Pie.
"You actually want to talk about rock farming?" she asks.
"No, I want to talk about Rock Farming," I say.
Pinkie raises an ear and cocks her head. "How do I tell the difference?"
Journal Entry - 1A+8 (I've done the math three times, Twilight did the math twice, and it works out differently each time, so screw it)
CeeTee and I had another session. Clear Brook seemed overly concerned about my relationship with Nightmare, romantic and otherwise. Especially considering how explicit I was describing what Nightmare would do, then would want done to her after viewing some of my traumas. I never considered boxing gloves a marital aid, a martial aid yes, marital no.
Okay, too many euphemisms and allusions, she wanted me to beat her up and fuck her behind the dumpster. After she tolerated my crying jags from reliving how I was abused, and me insisting on a safe word 'Eclipse', something that never happens in Equestria so they don't have a word for it. Actually, their word for it is collision. I'd fight Nightmare, no, no euphemisms. I used Nightmare like a punching bag, hitting her in places that no gentleman would hit a bellicose slattern and she'd fight back just enough to keep me angry. No science, just rage. Then she'd fuck me like Celestia bet her she couldn't. Then she'd cuddle and wrap herself around me to keep out the world while I'd collapse emotionally and physically exhausted. Yeah, it's sick and twisted, but it's who we both are. A lot of repressed, childish fury.
It's also why Clear Brook was so freaked out. She talked a lot about codependency, unhealthy relationships, sadomasochism, and then totally freaked out when I told her Nightmare could hear every word she said. But on the plus side, I'm a lot less defensive and angry. And I've got plans for Nightmare, something from my readings on sexually abused children. And no, it wasn't me or my household, and I am NEVER revealing why I researched that stuff. Think about my household, use your imagination, then make it ten times worse.
The session with CeeTee and Applejack began my campaign for Nightmare. So no, it wasn't that kind of session, but this time I brought Applejack along. Calling it couples' counseling had both CeeTee and Applejack very nervous, my intention, but after a few minutes, and Applejack understanding that CeeTee wasn't Princess Celestia we actually had a good talk.
"So how often?" Applejack asked, contrary to fanon she doesn't have a built in lie detector, or the Flim-Flam Brothers wouldn't have taken her twice.
"A couple of times a day," I replied. I looked around the old castle's throne room, Not looking for an exit, just looking at the fallen grandeur.
"And you just loved it," CeeTee said, her faint disapproval clear, although she'd seated herself on the stairs to the dias to be the tallest in the room.
I wasn't concerned. "I think you're missing the point. She didn't get a chance to give me a bath like you did, Applejack, she didn't get to cuddle after a full meal on a picnic blanket like you, CeeTee, but she knows she wants the connection that came from that," I told the two embarrassed mares, "The sad thing is, sex is the only way she knows how to express intimacy. Like Pinkie Pie's overexuberant style is the only way she can make ponies smile. She had Cranky ready to beat her head in with a crowbar if he'd been less beaten down. Nightmare only knows sex as intimacy. Sharing a hot spring with her buoying me up as a horse didn't occur to her would be a very convivial moment. It's also the only form of play she knows."
"She's ignorant?" CeeTee asked.
Applejack got it. "She's scared. Why?"
"Imagine having everything you care about ripped away or overwritten. The Nightmare Forces aren't what Nightmare Moon was, they were before personality, having only the pieces of previous possessions as their thoughts and identity. Luna changed them permanently, due to her force of personality, magical prowess, connection to the Elements, or what we'll never know. Then the entire, new core to their identity was ripped away and they were sandblasted for their trouble," I explained, "The Nightmare Forces became Nightmare Moon, then just Nightmare, the thought of going back to not having thoughts and feelings terrifies her."
"So she hooks you with the best she can give," Applejack said, frowning at the implication.
"No, it's all she knows how to give," CeeTee said, "Not something to be jealous of, Applejack."
"I'm not the raped, the old saw is you can't rape the willing, and I'm very willing," I told them, and enjoyed their embarrassment, "But I don't understand if she needs the intensity of the experience, or she thinks I do. I enjoy sitting back to back talking shop and having lunch. I enjoy pillowing on your stomach and looking at clouds. How do I tell her that? Tell her that so she believes me? She's good at cuddling, but she doesn't value it and thinks it's of no value."
"I can't imagine how you could get tangled up with Nightmare Moon," Applejack admitted.
"Some day when Applebloom and the Crusaders aren't around, I'll give you the straight scoop about my household, and Twilight can send a letter to Princess Luna to have her ready for your nightmares," I told them.
Journal Entry - 1A+12
Bearding the lion in its den. I suspect today is when Fluttershy will domesticate Discord, but this can't wait. Nightmare had already pieced together what I was directing her senses to process. Considering Nightmare's feelings about freedom, and dominance hierarchies, i.e., they are all based on violence and anti-freedom, I was having trouble reining her in.
So Balustrade and Clear Brook have walked into the real Sunny Town, and I've stayed behind. They were welcomed at first, until Mao Tse Pony realized they were Celestia's. The creepy smiles stayed, but it's like Pinkie planning a party, there was intent behind the smiles and that intent was to fulfill her desires, not for the benefit of the recipients.
They were ushered into a building, but that was before midmorning, the sun is setting and they haven't come out. I don't think they are being tortured, but they are being brainwashed.
Okay, now there are lanterns appearing, searching the hills on the far side of the village. My two minders gave me up and they wouldn't do that in their right minds. I wasn't staying along our route of approach either, I'd circled the village and was on the opposite side, the area nearest the House of Mao's. They hadn't figured out I expected to be betrayed and had taken precautions. I wasn't going to sit exactly opposite either.
The question becomes, do I do what I planned, do I do what really needs doing, or do I just rescue the two captives? I'll let night fall. Nightmare's senses make me superb at night and ponies fear the dark.
The stealth possible with Nightmare guiding me is almost frightening. I have avoided the few patrols and now stand where the source of the infection lies. I'm glad I brought the bolt-cutter and not the hand axe. The temptation to 'miss' would be too great to ignore. There is no sign that Starlight Glimmer is aware of me. The jar with all the stolen cutie marks remains atop a wardrobe, but my mission is here.
I've dealt with evil all my life, and the idea that people must be forced into acceptable pockets revolts me no end. I am glad that Nightmare helped me work out some issues, or I would simply murder the pony in her sleep.
Nightmare has sharpened my vengeance: giving the tyrant the condition she has forced upon others. The bolt cutter fits around her horn without touching it, then strong muscles close the jaws. She wakes when the jaws bite, but it's far too late then.
The brilliant explosion throws me out of the room, but the deed is done. Glimmer's horn lays beside me, I put it in my pocket, and she begins shrieking as harmless fireworks fill the room.
"What have you done?" she screams as the pain of failed magic feeds back on her.
"You are now equal to everyone," I tell her before withdrawing.
"I'll hunt you down and destroy you!" she screams.
"She is blind," Nightmare tells me, "She doesn't know who you are."
If she comes after me, I mentally reply, Then I'll kill her. I ignore Nightmare's grumbling.
Out in the street, the cloud which obscured the moonlight has passed and concealment is not possible. The flashes of light from Starlight's manse are also visible. I head towards the building my two compatriots were taken to and never left. There are no guards, and the spells that held Balustrade and Clear Brook have faded with Starlight's powers.
"We're getting out of here," I tell the pair as I untie them, the bolt cutter making short work of the thick ropes, hawsers?, that bound them to their chairs. When they both look sheepishly guilty at me, I reply, "We have to get you out of here, the gap in their defenses won't last."
The pair are well aware they sold me out, and at this moment I don't care. "Celestia will never believe me, if you two can't report what happened then they'll escape and set up somewhere else and start all over again."
Celestia's name galvanizes them, but hours of being tied up means I'm practically carrying them out of town. A couple of ponchos cover their identity and the weathered gray color lets us blend with the night.
We reach the bolt-hole I'd scouted earlier, an old mine. I move the blockage at the entrance aside and get them inside, erase the evidence I'd moved it and closed it again without scraping up the dirt at the entrance.
Once safely inside, we wait as they get some blood in their limbs and deaddle their brains.
Journal Entry - 1A+13
They abandoned their armor and packs and flew me out that night. Neither was happy with carrying my weight after their ordeal, but it was the fastest way to get all three of us out of there before the sun rose.
I did burn Glimmer's horn in a bucket of lime that was near the entrance. I was curious what a bucket of lime would be doing until Balustrade peed in it, then squatted and shat in it. Live and learn. We allowed Clear Brook some privacy with the ponchos held high when she did likewise. No, neither knew that Glimmer's horn was in the bucket. I did when I lightened my load before we left.
I was ordered to return to the Ponyville jail while they raised a raid force to move in on the village. I suspect I'll be Glimmer's cellmate in Canterlot while they untangle everything. Knowing Princess Celestia, she'll do exactly that, conversations in prison aren't privileged.
"I'll kill you, you aherrant monkey!" Starlight screams at me.
Does she mean aberrant or abhorrent? I wonder while I stand at the door to my cell and grin at her.
"I'll twist your guts into ribbons and use them for macrame!" Starlight shouts from the cell opposite. Her horn stub throwing sparks while she fulminates.
"You're equal as you preached," I reply, "Or did you just want to be equaler than everypony else?"
"You destroyed everything!" she screams, "We could avoid the tyranny of cutie marks and you ruined it!"
"But you didn't give up yours," I point out.
Nightmare is trying to suggest conversation topics, but is laughing too hard to be intelligible. I have years of living through this kind of hypocrisy to drag out and present, so I don't need her input yet.
"I had to be able to free the others!" she shouts, "Someone had to be in charge."
"Like Princess Celestia dealing with the three kingdoms' tribes?" I ask.
"I'm nothing like that tyrant! I was freeing them from their need to excel, all that harridan does is push, push, push!" she shouts.
"Sounds like a difficult birth, remember to breathe," I say, "So you failed and decided to take vengeance on the helpless."
"Like you cutting off the horn of a sleeping mare?" she asks and grins.
"I'm pretty sure Discord can fix that," I say, "And it wasn't me who broke your jar of stolen cutie marks, it was your followers. Once they understood what had been done to them, they rebelled. You failed, again."
The absolute screaming rage that shook the bars and cursed everything in and around Equestria for several minutes has Nightmare delighted. For me, it is an uncomfortable reminder of what I had repressed, was and am trying to work through.
"They could assign her to you to teach her friendship," Nightmare suggests, before dissolving in laughter.
I think hard about how to hide a body.
Journal Entry - 1A+15 (Actually transcribed over much later)
The initial trial, or so I thought, was a prosecutor, and a series of witnesses. The Equestrians don't follow the inferential/adversarial system of justice. The prosecutor presents the evidence and the context as clearly as she can, with asides on elements of law violated, while a panel of five judges makes notes and asks questions to clarify issues. Witnesses can be called back at any time. There's a stenographer, or recorder, who takes down anything and everything said, even asides among the judges. It's also clear the exchanges between myself and Starlight were recorded and treated as evidence. Considering her half was probably audible in the Crystal Empire I had no doubt of that.
"You are expected to tell the facts to the best of you ability," the bailiff says as I am seated, "Do you understand your duty?"
"I do," I say. Nightmare is already grousing, so I need to concentrate.
"You are called Gray Rock," the prosecutor asks, "This is an alias?"
"It is the name I've used since I arrived, my actual name is rather serious insult."
"Give it please," the prosecutor says.
I do.
"Have that strucken - stricken from the record as prejudicial," the lead judge says, "Note simply that the attestant gave his name, and was correct about its nature. The attestant will hence forth be referred to as Gray Rock." The mare shakes out her mane. "Continue."
"Do you contest the claim that you removed the horn of one Starlight Glimmer?" the prosecutor asks.
"I removed the horn of one Starlight Glimmer, with a set of bolt cutters, and that was my plan of action when I entered the house of Starlight Glimmer," I say.
"You had a hatchet at the time, why not use that?" the prosecutor asks.
"The bolt cutter was cleaner, and I could have missed with the hatchet, possibly killing Starlight Glimmer," I say, "That would be the Diarch's decision, not mine. I believe that Discord could remedy her hornlessness, if requested by the Crowns, so I assumed the situation would be reversible, whereas death is not."
"So you planned the assault, why enter the town at all, why not simply inform the Equestrian military?" the prosecutor asks.
"I informed Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook, they are Equestrian Military, so I did inform them," I say.
There're panicked looks from the judges and the prosecutor.
"Ten minute recess," the lead judge says and bangs down her gavel.
The stenographer quickly leads me out before the bailiffs can.
"What was that about?" I ask quietly.
"Technically you didn't, by informing Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook, nor would you have if you'd informed either of Their Highnesses. While Their Highnesses would then inform the Guard, they aren't technically part of it, nor are Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook. Civilians who are over it, work with it, but not part of it," she says, "You aren't in trouble, it's just you opened another line of inquiry."
Journal Entry - 1A+16 (Actually transcribed over much later)
It turns out that my minders work for the Diarchs directly, and hadn't thought to forward their concerns to the military. And after the fiasco with the jail, the only military contact I had was not a good alternative. The questioning continued about my mental state surrounding the attack, and then recessed for the night.
These inquiries seem very strange, and when they brought Starlight in from her experiences, she threw herself on her bunk and started wailing. If she hadn't been Ms. Sombra, I might have had some sympathy. As it was, she cried herself out and had no energy left to hurl insults. What will tomorrow bring?
If you're warm and safe in a pile of shit, I think as I stare at the prosecutor, Keep you mouth shut.
"How did I know the village was dangerous?" I paraphrase his rather rambling question.
"We can flesh it out later, but let's start there," the prosecutor says, somewhat exasperated that I can't answer the entire question filled with terms I haven't the faintest idea how to spell let alone explain.
"I can sense dark magic," I say, "I headed there because I sensed a piece and when we saw a village there I became a bit perturbed."
That gets an eyebrow raise from the prosecutor. " 'A bit perturbed'? Is that how you want to phrase your reaction?" the prosecutor says, a gentle warning about perjury.
"Starlight Glimmer is suffering from when I became deeply disturbed," I say, "The curve is drawn along a different path than yours, and has different triggers. Nightmare in my head, initially annoying, now a bit endearing, a dark magic village full of pod people: perturbing, my friends in danger from that dark magic: deeply disturbing, but once there I don't seem emotional from the outside."
" 'Pod People'?" one of the judges asks.
"A human term for any invasion/replacement of the normal populace with people who look like regular people but are imposters," I explain, "The changelings are one form, but mind control magic, aliens masquerading, possession by outside forces, everyone being under the influence of drugs, or any other instance of people being there, but not really people or the people you expect."
"And you knew these ponies were - off, how?" the prosecutor asks.
"Dozens with the same cutie marks and the miasma of dark magic permeating the entire place," I reply.
"So you sensed dark magic throughout the town, how can we verify that this sense exists?" the prosecutor asks.
"I can lead you to the Alicorn Amulet if you wish," I tell them.
There's a lot of staring at the floor and rustling of papers as they absorb that. It is no bluff, it's a Nightmare item and she could lead me to where Twilight has hopefully disposed of it.
"No, I don't want to retrieve and wear it," Nightmare says, after a very long silence, "It wouldn't give you magical powers, nor would it make me strong enough to force powers upon you. Although making you the new dumping ground for cursed magic items would be sidesplittingly funny. 'He's got the Alicorn Amulet, the Inspiration Manifestation Book, The Helm of THUNDEREST, and the Spear of Wyrd! And Sweetie Belle beats you in a magic duel."
Thus endeth the Tale of Nightmare as she laughed herself to death at her own jokes, I think.
The court brings themselves back to order.
"Onto the attack on Starlight Glimmer, and according to you, murder was an option," the prosecutor says.
"Murder would not guarantee rescuing my friends," I reply, "That was my primary goal."
"I'm ready to sentence you to five years' intensive martial arts training," one of the judges says, "So that ceases to be an option."
"Well another of my pony friends suggested me tying her up, but it's been explained she had a different end goal in mind," I say. I enjoy the various eye rolls. I'm not always sober-sided.
Journal Entry - 1A+17 (Actually transcribed over much later)
I'm not this wrong often, but this was a doozy. I'm not going to change - correct the above entries, because this is stream of consciousness, but did I get things wrong about my trial.
"Well, I've got a lot more interest in Equestrian jurisprudence than I had before," I said as we awaited the judges' return from their conference. I felt wrung out by the questioning and listening to the questioning.
"That's good, because you'll be seeing a lot more of it," the prosecutor said, "But I'll be with you, so don't worry."
"Why more, and no offense, you've convicted me fair-and-square, but I'd rather not face you again," I said.
"What are - ? Wait, you thought this was the trial?" the prosecutor said, "You'd better sit down. This was a briefing for the team presenting Equestria's case before the Council of Rulers. This was fact finding. Your trial is in a few days before five rulers of local nations. We'll present the case as Princess Celestia's representatives, and they'll vote." The lawyer rushed over. "Are you feeling all right, do you need to lie down, you've gone awfully pale?"
"I'll be fine, once I stop being stupid," I said.
"Took me until 23," the prosecutor said.
Turns out each judge was an Equestrian legal expert on the laws of the five nations who would be the voters. Princess Luna would sit for Equestria, Chief Thunderhooves for the Buffalo, Princess Cadence for the Empire, Philosopher-King Zakuru for the Zebras, and Princess Ember for the Dragons. Celestia recused herself stating she was too close to the case.
I didn't like the odds, most of them were ciphers as to how would they react. I wasn't even that sure of the charges. They couldn't be interested in my attack on Starlight Glimmer and her little cult? Could they?
My second surprise was finding out about the details of the trial, the goals, and the reason it had been pushed. Turns out little Starlight got first dibs, and they tore her a new one on the philosophical and even physiological destruction of ponies she was partaking in.
The happy call of my name brought me around. The passionate kiss and the bone-crushing hug would have been more welcome, if they'd come from Cadence and not Shining Armor. Cadence was a few paces away laughing at the scene.
"Thank you, thank you," Armor said, resting his head on my shoulder and still crushing the life out of me.
"I never knew you could change color," Cadence said.
That penetrated Shining Armor's mind. He released me. "Sorry, but not too many ponies saved my life and Cadence's without ever being there," he said, and when I didn't respond he added, "The dream you thought Princess Luna sent, it was a prophesy."
"Oh, so Twilight didn't kill you both and this isn't the afterlife?" I asked, "I didn't need those ribs anyway."
"No," Cadence said and laughed, "I remembered it when Twilight tackled me, and went back to the old foalsitter behavior."
"I'm glad something went well out of it," I said, "But should you two we talking to me? You are going to be serving on my trial board."
"Celestia recused herself because she has an emotional attachment," Cadence said, "You being a hero does sway our opinion, but we'll still need to hear your side of the story."
"Considering what Starlight Glimmer did to your friends," Armor said, "I'm rather surprised you just cut off her horn."
"All that talk about the Princesses having life or death power over me wasn't just talk. SG is one of the Princesses' ponies, I'm an alien prison, I knew I'd have to tread carefully," I said, "So little Miss Equal Outcomes didn't go over well with the rulers?"
"I think Chief Thunderhooves said it best," Cadence said, " 'We do without your marks, for you to do without is to cease to be. You killed them then raised their corpses.'"
"He was not happy with young Starlight, and recommended that her horn not be restored," Armor added, "Like what Starlight said you told her, you are now equal. It's not the best attitude but let her get what she wants and choke on it."
"Even I know Celestia is looking for a way to redeem her," I replied, "Mercy was extended to me, I'd be a hypocrite to expect it wouldn't be extended to her."
Shining Armor and Cadence nodded.
"I am enough of a hypocrite to hope she spits in Celestia's face and Princess Celestia slaps her down," I said, causing the two royals to chuckle, "Although with Celestia's sense of humor, she'd assign her to me to redeem her." The laughing stopped abruptly and the two royals began glancing around nervously. I suspected that Princess Luna had advanced that very theory.
Time for a little fishing.
"I knew Princess Luna hated my guts but I didn't know she hated me that much," I said and I might as well have been standing with two painted marble statues.
Getting practically tackled from behind broke the spell. Two more kisses, one on each cheek followed up getting spun around by my tackler. Again it's a stallion not a mare. I think the universe hates me.
"I'm so glad you're back," Prince Blueblood said as he tried to finish what Shining Armor had started, "I'm certain Auntie will be more restrained but the depth of feeling must be shown. She's been so cross and self-doubting, while you were a flower."
He released me and held me up as my knees buckled as I tried to breathe. This guy may be a poof, but he's got muscles. "Of course she's been taking it out on me, so I am personally glad you've been restored and are able to be here with us. I won't speculate what you two do, but I've never seen her so upset and out of sorts about your discommodation. Your restoration has eased my life tremendously. As a thank you, I've got a list of her favorite simple things and recommended purchase places for the items or the raw materials as well as a few experts on the manufacture of various goods."
"Thank you, Your Highness," I gasped.
"Thank you," he replied and bowed, slightly to me, more fully to Cadence and Armor.
"You ponies don't go into heat, do you?" I asked, and after a panic-stricken moment when Cadence got an absolutely fiendish grin, "Seriously."
"No," Armor said, "But she does miss someone to talk to."
"Yes, the only people in her social circle are other rulers with their own loyalties and eldritch abominations with a skewed view of the world," I said, trying to get some air in my lungs for the next tackle/hug.
"And you," Armor said and canted his head, "Someone with a self-proclaimed death sentence hanging over his head."
I shrugged. "The highest and the lowest, maybe it is a circle."
"I doubt most condemned ponies would be so understanding," Cadence said.
"If I wasn't a teenager and she's gorgeous, maybe I wouldn't be," I said, which had Armor and Cadence laughing their heads off.
There was one more twist to the day as I headed over to see Celestia. Nightmare's giggling should have been the first clue, but so much of what amuses her sets off my hackles. She thinks that the guy who ran Andersonville Prison being German-Swiss, and the Germans' actions in their WW2 concentration camps is hilarious in its appropriateness. 'He has shown us the way!' She also thinks that the run up to World War One by the descendants of Queen Victoria is also a side-splitter. 'Family gang fight!'
The mere mention of The Siege of the Isle of Minos by Ironhart's Pegasus Legion is enough to reduce her to tears of laughter. Note, in the depths of winter, the defenders and the attackers were reduced to eating the dead of both sides to survive. 'They're attacking! Ah good, lunch is served' is her favorite comment on the affair.
The guards before Princess Celestia's private quarters were nervous. Not about me, but in general.
"That really should be a clue," Nightmare said and dissolved in laughter, again.
I'll tell her all your most ticklish spots! I told the giggling bogeymare.
She remained the giggling bogeymare.
"I was told Princess Celestia wanted to see me," I told the guards. They exchanged glances, sighed and opened the doors. There was a short corridor, with another guard who looked between me and her checklist, then waited for the outer doors to close to open the inner door. There was evidently a lot of people in there from the noise. No, there was a lot of person. "So, Mirror Pond?" I asked the dozen Celestias busily working away at a couple added desks, serving tea to each other, a couple were in the background, likely reading books that Celestia promised herself she'd get to - eventually, and one walked in yawning sleepily.
They all looked at me and smiled. That impish grin that tells you the descending anvil will miss, barely. "Hello Gray Rock, which of us is the original?" they said in perfect chorus. Since there'd been a bit of social cuing they weren't a hive mind.
"That one," I said, pointing to the book reader, "Because the rest of you are temporary and only the original will remember having read it."
The look of utter disappointment was hilarious. "Correct," the one digging through mounds of paperwork said. Several of the tea servers took part of the mound and began working on it. "It's good to see you well. No, not the Mirror Pond, Discord. How do you even know about the Mirror Pond?"
"I knew the function, the name comes from the function," I said, "So are you hiding that you're enjoying this," I said and gestured at the collection, "From Discord?"
Celestias laughed, out of sync, but still pleasant. "That, and from offers to 'fix' it. With the Royal Conference going on, having twenty of me running around is keeping everyone somewhat sane and rational. Although having to teleport from place to place to disguise it does get wearing, and the guards hiding that we haven't been invaded by Changelings is wearing on them."
"It's worked, I didn't know," I said, "Although Nightmare did."
"So, you really can sense dark and chaos magic at range, or rather, she can," Celestia said, although one or two others started to speak, but fell silent when one took the lead.
"So, you finally have a staff who can get through all the insanity, and leave you time to relax," I said, "What is Discord's nefarious plot?"
"That he'll take them away, eventually," one of the tea Celestias said, "When we've gotten used to it, and the original will be worn to a frazzle keeping up with the new normal."
"Why not one for everypony? And a pedestal to rest them on?"
Needless to say, there were ample spares to start a pillow fight of epic proportions. Followed by some fully clothed snuggling. But I eventually had to return to my cell. They'd evidently replaced Starlight's bedding with rubber sheets to prevent the utterly pulverized mare from blubbering right through the slats and onto the floor. There wasn't a mark on her, but I'd seen people who been literally curb-stomped who didn't look as emotionally destroyed as she did.
Yes, I'm a big enough bastard I sat and stared at her with a shit-eating grin on my face. She eventually noticed there were people outside the all-important her in the universe and stared at me. The transformation from oh poor me to rage would have put the Hulk to shame.
"You did this to me," the irrate mare shouted.
"You did it to yourself," I replied. Knowing how to avoid the attention of a psychopath also taught me how to push her buttons. "You failed, betrayed by your own stupidity. You are only dangerous because you infect others with your own stupidity and short-sightedness. A pack of wise leaders took one look at your plan and saw nothing new and nothing worth doing again."
"My idea was new, innovative, and those decrepit lard balls couldn't see it!" she shouted.
"Said Princess Platinum right before she summoned the Windingos," I said, "And that's just where your plan would have led. Heck, you hate the world so much, you might just summon them yourself."
She briefly looked around nervously, then continued her screech, "What would a blank flank like you know about not living up to your assigned destiny?"
"What would an entitled, special snowflake like you know about hard work? Nothing. You want everything given to you and you throw a tantrum when it isn't what you want or you have to earn it. Well guess what, the only things that satisfy are the ones you earn," I drawled as I laid down on my bunk, "But you expect the world to see how special you are without having to earn it. Seen it before, 'hands fulla gimme and mouth fulla much obliged' and there's a word for people like you. And it's no compliment." I looked over at her. "You were probably something to look at, once. But I know a dead-starfish lay when I see one, so I can laugh at you all I want, cause nopony's touching the only thing you've got of value now."
I won't document what she said, because a) she was utterly inarticulate, and b) most of it would get this book banned from most libraries. She did call me a bastard a few times, and my response was 'yeah, my mom was a whore, like you'll have to be, what's your point.' Cruel I know, but she eventually ran out of steam, broke down and began wailing like she'd actually been hurt.
A guardsmare wandered through and gave me a thumbs up as she verified 'I would have been a goddess, pity me' hadn't hung herself.
I fully expect to get an earful from Clear Brook about berating the defeated mare, but at the time I didn't care. I also realized that if I kept it up, Princess Celestia's impish sense of humor and virtuous sense of justice would force her to assign Starlight Glimmer to me to learn Friendship, having brought Nightmare into the fold by force of personality. And it would teach me not to kick someone when they were down, a problem I have with bullies. I eagerly kick them when they are down, to ensure they don't get back up.
Journal Entry - 1A+18 (Actually transcribed over much later)
A short meet and greet with the nobles of the trial. Simple question: how can I prove that I can sense Dark magic. I've got to think of a way. I'm an idiot, what to do is obvious, if the rest of Chief Thunderhooves' braves are as big as the messenger.
"You claim to be able to sense Dark magic," Princess Luna says, "Do you have proof?"
"If Chief Thunderhooves can lend me a couple of his best warriors," I say, "They can leave the proof at your hooves."
The chief's brow furrows, but he glances over and picks two by eye. A graying buffalo, who still manages to look like he eats WWE wrestlers for breakfast, and a stoic youngster who doesn't look like he'd get excited if he were on fire.
"The Royal Guard will accompany you," Princess Luna says.
"Only if you don't want them back," I say, "I picked the buffalo for a good reason, and sending in a pack of unicorns would be worse than useless. You would be a worse choice than these two braves."
I don't think she gets it, but she will. I head out with the two braves in tow.
"I can track nothing in this city," the old brave says, "Too many sights, too many smells, too much hard ground, and yet you can?"
"It's like a lodestone, pointing in a direction, and strength. But if it doesn't move I can triangulate, but this one moves," I explain.
"A living foe," the stoic one says, and just nods his approval.
These guys are big, I mean pro-wrestler big, with the muscles of an athlete, not a body builder. I wonder if they take refugees? I think, But hanging out with them will be kinda nice.
We wind our way through the city, closing on a foe who keeps moving, changing direction, and then we encounter a victim.
"So, that is why you dart about," the stoic says, "We hunt a wolf. No cutie mark, a wolf that eats magic."
"Yes, I had a vague feeling about it," I say, "But I couldn't be sure."
"We'll borrow you to scour our lands for bad medicine," the older brave says.
"We can work out a trade," I say.
"We have few trinkets to compare with this," the old brave says.
"I can make most of what I want," I reply, "It's the skills I want, and you have those in abundance."
Stoic actually laughs at that and claps me on the shoulder. I brace, expecting to be driven through the pavement, but while it is hard, it doesn't even make my knees bend.
This guy has nothing to prove, and he knows it, I realize.
Within another hour we find Tirek. He's somewhat fleshed out, but a couple of his victims have convinced neither warrior to hold back. I go in first, hoping to draw his fire.
"By order of Princess Celestia, you will surrender, submit to Royal punishment and return to your cell," I say.
The blast knocks me down, but Nightmare already had a counterspell up. Her power can't affect anything outside me, but the spell aimed deep.
"He was going to turn your bones to molten lead," Nightmare happily supplies, "It never got that far."
Neither stoic nor gray hair need prompting. Tirek goes down to an epic beating by a pair who quickly figure out how best to defeat him. They use clubs with metal heads.
If they aren't flanged are they maces? I wonder as I grab some chain and tie up Tirek's limbs. The centaur is horrified when I earth the end, draining off his stolen magic and sending it back to its owners. Then the buffalo render him unconscious.
"You can sense dark magic," the Stoic says, "And you are not afraid to fight."
"If you had any skill, you might be dangerous," Gray Hair says, and both laugh.
I don't take it personally. They've figured out it's those skills I want to learn, so they're laughing with me, not at me.
We get a bunch of lead wire and bind Tirek up. I hope that blocks his power. Nightmare seems to think it will, or the iron in the chains. Then we head back to the castle.
Luna had a fit when we dumped the badly battered Tirek on the floor of the throne room. We were immediately ordered to return him to Tartarus, and Luna's expression said she wouldn't mind if I stayed there with him.
Tartarus was . . . interesting, and I'll leave it at that. Cerberus was a good doggie and understood we were temporary. During the train trip down and back Stoic and Gray Hair ran me through some basic fighting drills, and I suspect they'll be planning out a more interesting regimen when I go down to sweep their area for dark magic landmines.
What was interesting was that Nightmare hadn't realized she was the compass I was using to track Tirek, and other dark nasties. She spent some considerable time using the distance between Ponyville and Canterlot as the base of the triangle for triangulating the ones she could pick up. I wonder which is the Storm King and his little group.
I returned to my cell that night late. Poor, poor little Starlight was whimpering in her sleep. I have to wonder was that because of a lack of Luna's attention, or being the focus of it?
I'm in the anteroom, Nightmare is beside me. She's wearing armor that is functional rather than flattering, and has a set for me.
"Luna has gotten into the vaults," Nightmare says, referring to a whole series of rooms where we keep some of darkest and most disturbing dreams. Phobias and perversions we want to keep from the world, although we can't really keep from each other. "She's gone into my nightmares. So, while she's in there, we can get the Tantabus she's been building. Nightmare Forces are fine, when they're controlled, but to intentionally feed them all your negative emotions, foolishness."
"So, if she can get in here, we can go in there?" I ask. Nightmare nods. "Let's do it."
In a trice we're gone from the anteroom, and appear in an image of the throne room. It's dark, darker than the light of Equestria's moon would allow.
Nightmare is hunting, she has no need to temper her being, no need to avoid frightening me or any other. She can be the pure predator she is. I am an afterthought, a curb should we encounter another, and a second set of eyes should she need them.
She hardly needs me. With a catlike spring she's on the black tendril, then the battle begins. Tigress against a serpent. She crushing it between her clawed hands while biting out pieces of it. The pair roll over and over each other, the tendril trying to crush the life from her even as she strangles it. The difference is, she's not alone. The braves' training returns and an axe pulled from a suit of armor scores the creature's coils where Nightmare is not present.
Within minutes, Nightmare has prevailed, wounding it, bleeding it, breaking it as it attacked her. She uproots it from the floor of the throne room and I build a small fire where it was rooted. We watch, both to ensure its true death, and to ensure neither it nor the fire spreads elsewhere.
Nightmare is all smiles. "Now you can rescue Luna. 'Cause I ain't going in where she is," Nightmare tells me and shudders, keeping a firm grip on the corpse of the Tantabus.
"But you'd be cute like that," I tell her.
"Just for that," she tells me, "I'm eating this in the 'Piss on an electric fence room'."
Now I'm wincing and trying to keep my hands from my crotch. "Fine, but you'll be eating alone. I never want to remember seeing those pictures," I tell her.
She laughs as we return to the anteroom and we head to the huge door. We're through it and separate at that point. Across the hall is a similar door with my nightmares contained within. There were once many rooms in there, but thanks to Nightmare, Celestia and Applejack, there are far fewer.
"Are you ready to be a clown!?" comes a familiar, pinkie voice. I shudder and head to Nightmare's disturbed nightmare collection. It's several more disturbed doors and I find the one Luna has entered. It has no lock but reads clearly 'Do Not Enter, Nightmare's nightmares.'
Gray Rock - Decent Into Darkness
Gray Rock 2 - Part 3
Discord came by later and was utterly incomprehensible, by accident I mean. He was so angry I'd caused this kind of chaos, without any powers, he couldn't string two syllables together. He finally had to write that as his condemnation of me and my effect. Along with a few insults which I shan't record here, due to their accuracy.
My also written response was 'You're an agent of Chaos, Chaos is my bitch.' He turned me back into a geranium and stormed off. At least this time I was aware, and the effect only lasted until Applejack found me and picked me up. Waking up to a tearful hug from Applejack is an experience worth having.
The guard has been temporarily assigned to the Apples. As a former rock farmer, she could be of use to them and me.
"Uh, so Twilight's spell would work on real ponies?" Applebloom asks from beside her grandmother in her rocking chair. Neither Apple seems willing to release their grip on the other.
"Shake Shale is a real pony. Cut her and she bleeds, tickle her and she laughs, that seems pretty pony to me," I reply, "So yes, Twilight has spells that can simply zap ponies out of existence."
"What's ta keep her from going Sombra?" Granny Smith asks.
I glance at Applejack who seems very interested in her hands and the floor. "Fear of disappointing Princess Celestia, which as I understand it caused a lot of other problems while I was a plant," I say.
Applebloom laughs nervously about that.
"So, nothing really," Big Mac says.
"Actually, this might be a good opportunity to drive the lesson about consequences home," I say, "I suggest you talk to your friends and neighbors, and give her the Zecora treatment. Lock your doors and windows when she walks by. Scream and run away when you see her. Wait until she goes out to visit the library. If she can't understand what others feel, make it personal, very personal, then she'll understand when it affects her."
"Tain't very nice," Applejack says.
"Not being nice is called triage, when you can only fix so many things, you concentrate your effort on what will not make it without help. You set aside what will survive without help and what won't make it no matter how much help is given," I say, "A couple days ago, Twilight and someponies were talking about Mare-Do-Well, so this is the same principle used on Twilight. She might ignore not having ponies talk to her, but being branded Sombra-reborn will penetrate."
The knowing look on Applejack's face indicated I'd lit the fuze.
"They ran from me," Twilight says, "From me."
"Well Sugarcube, I kin bust down their door and hold'em down to force them ya apologize," Applejack suggests.
"Oh, oh, I've got pins of all sizes!" Rarity adds, "Who needs voodoo dolls when you can use them directly."
"I can hit them with a rock," Rainbow says, then glances at the others, "It'll be a big rock."
"Naw," Spike says, "Just say the word, and dragon fire!" He lets out a puff of flame.
Twilight looks at Fluttershy who seems to be in pain. "You guys shouldn't talk like that, you're disturbing me, and Fluttershy."
"Oh, I wasn't disturbed, I was just having that thing after you're with someone special and the world goes all white and then comes back all glowy," Fluttershy says and kisses Twilight on the lips, "I can show you just how to hurt me and make it happen again."
In other news today, the screaming-unicorn, land speed record was broken on a closed course between Sugar Cube Corners and the Golden Oak Library in Ponyville.
Journal Entry - 1A+34
Clear Brook and Balustrade had no trouble convincing Twilight to take lessons in military ethics and responsibilities to civilians, enemy combatants and enemy prisoners. None of it was formal, but there was a body of legal precedent defining it generally.
Revealing that I'd rescued and shipped out of Ponyville the Pinkie clones that were most, I'd say mature but we are taking about Pinkie Pie here, was put on the back burner until Twilight fully appreciates the example she provided. I'm not going to ask why Spike had me help install a door inside the library. A door that doesn't lead anywhere, but Applejack agreed and gave me the day off so door it was.
Sneaky I've gotten used to, subtle and pony always seemed like antonyms. I'll learn what's going on later. Maybe I'll ask Twilight about books on torturing information out of people . . . okay, how is Nightmare part of this, and I don't know about it?
"Okay, I can see you in that tree, come out," I shout to, presumably Rainbow, as I work over the rocks in the farm plot.
Okay, this is new, I think as Twilight descends.
"Rainbow, don't like the look, not your colors at all," I tell Twilight.
"You said your people did bad things," Twilight said, "Like, how bad?"
"There was a guy who got the nickname Vlad the Impaler," I tell her, "And compared to some others, he was a lightweight."
She turns sort of reddish brown. "You think some of the monsters I've fought, didn't deserve to die?"
"Discord's around somewhere, Tirek wasn't you, Nightmare's in here with me, that leaves Sombra and from everything I've heard, he was so completely nuts it may count as a mercy kill, and it was Cadence who struck the blow," I say, "So you haven't killed too many of the big boys." I wait for her to sigh before adding, "That I've heard of. If every changeling was hurled from Canterlot with enough force to send Chrysalis over the horizon, what happened to the changeling who hit something on the way out, or were alone and wounded in a desert? But that's war, there are always casualties. I know Clear Brook and Balustrade have talked to you about this."
"What about when it isn't war?" Twilight asks.
"Ask Zecora how she felt about you accusing her of witchcraft after she warned you about the Poison Joak," I reply, "It was Rainbow who nearly killed me upon arrival."
Twilight breaks down weeping. While I've gotten over my loathing of a lot of the manipulative tricks my household used on me, that one still hits hard. Instead of sympathy, it invokes rage.
"Go turn the rocks," Nightmare orders.
I do, not because she ordered but because it needed doing anyway. I leave Twilight to blubber and just calm myself turning the rocks that need it, and consider it a moral victory when I don't throw any at Twilight.
Journal Entry - 1A+36
A new crisis! Hooray, no more introspection and attempts at personal growth through self-examination. Twilight is saved! I sometimes think this place is conspiring to prevent her from being worthy of Celestia's trust and plans for ascension. After all, as soon as she tries enlightenment, it's all hooves on deck for the storm and focus on survival rather than personal problems. Maybe she's an adrenaline junkie and is only fully functional in a crisis so to feel normal everything has to be a crisis.
What crisis? Why Sunset Shimmer and Equestria Girls, what else? Yeah I know, they're early, but hey shiny CRISIS! Twilight went to talk things over with Celestia and Cadence about what happened, her friends' seeming insanity, and what deliverance from introspection and self-discovery are offered? The mirror opened and Sunset stole the Element of Magic.
The only thing even mildly amusing is how Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are walking on eggshells around me after having it revealed that there was a portal back to a human world, and they never said a word about it, although the fun part is I'm only supposed to know it's a portal, not any specifics. Although human is a stretch for Equestria Girls.
"Are there plans to send a rescue force through to reinforce Twilight and recover valuable Equestrian Property?" I asked. I'm only one of the Ponyville delegation ready, willing and able to charge to Twilight's defense. Who wants to go through High School again? Our response was a blank stare and nervous shuffling from the Diarchs, to Princess Cadence's confusion, since she's almost eager to go herself.
"If you can't send her boon companions and battle buddies, how about Discord?" I offered, "Is there someone else who might be of assistance? Someone who's been on another world?"
While Cadence grinned at me while she and the others nodded, the other pair practically fell over each other to shoot down that suggestion. "It is far too perilous to send you," Celestia said, "Although your willingness to sacrifice yourself is very noble."
The look of abject horror on Cadence's face should be heartbreaking, but it made me want to laugh. Nightmare providing a running commentary on the future alicornic discussions didn't help me keep a straight face.
"Well, Nightmare is curious about the strange emanation from the mirror, and that Princess Luna either never knew or never revealed to Nightmare the details of this portal," I said, "She can confirm that there is some magic, so Twilight won't be helpless, like a victim of Tirek would be. But it's strange, so the Element will have unexpected properties. Equestrians may be seriously altered in mind, body and soul if they are there too long."
"Laying it on a bit thick," Nightmare said, "Aren't you? I only suggested you tell them there's alien magic there."
I ignored Nightmare's carping, noted Cadence urging and pleading at the Diarchs with her eyes, and enjoyed the absolute squirm Princesses Celestia and Luna were going through as Celestia's former apprentice's fate was revealed.
"I'm sure Twilight will be all right," Princess Celestia said.
"You'd better hope not," I replied.
"Wha?!" Celestia said, as she, Cadence and Luna looked horror-stricken at me.
"What dost thou imply?" Princess Luna demanded.
"If she likes it over there too much, a powerful mage like Twilight could set up her own Empire, for Princess Celestia's greater glory of course. With the Element of Magic backing her up, she could establish an Equestrian colony, ruling the people there and teaching them what she knows about Equestrian mores and customs, and may find herself too busy to come back," I said as the trio grow more horrified by the moment as they all too easily fit Sunset Shimmer and Twilight into the mental box I'm drawing, "Well, until and unless something attacked her kingdom and she'd need some powerful help. But she could come back and get your help then, so with Twilight's track record of crises-attraction, she'd probably be back in a week, or a couple of months at most."
I could practically hear the calculations that Sunset's Empire was under heavy attack and her former student stole the Element to reinforce it. Then Twilight jumped right into the melee to rescue it. High School Drama is bad, but not that bad.
"Well, I'm sure there's a lot of people who'll be ready to help Twilight when she comes back, in triumph or tragedy," I said, and we left the trio of wise and noble alicorns squirming like worms on a hot sidewalk.
"Thanks, that was fun," Nightmare admitted, "Although how did you penetrate the veils about the portal? Considering that world is an embodiment of all the things you loathe I thought I'd kept it from you."
After a satisfying session, I told Nightmare, You talk in your sleep.
"Ugh, I must have been having a nightmare to think about the place," she said.
Well, I had a nightmare numerous time before I found out, I replied.
Journal Entry - 1A+46
I've been busy. With Twilight elsewhere, the apple bucking season over, and a desire to stay away from worried/bored Element Bearers, I headed down to Appleoosa to perform the dark magic survey of their lands for the chief. Clear Brook and Balustrade came with.
It was fun, for a distinctly skewed definition of fun. Sweeps and training in equal measure. Sometimes the sweeps discovered nothing. Other times the old history of Equestria came bubbling through.
"I thought that sheep were peaceful farm animals," Clear Brook shouted as she raced ahead.
"Shut up and fly!" Balustrade yelled as ghostly bolt after bolt whizzed by the pair from the host of phantoms pursuing them through the air.
"You suppose we should help them," I asked as the two fleeing pegasi got out of audible range, and the sheep ghost legion ignored me and the two buffalo warriors.
"How?" the brave asked.
"I should have expected that," I lamented.
Both survived that encounter and were much more attentive when I told them to hang back. The illusionary lake, and the restless spirits of a couple of battlefields provided more entertainment.
"The war has been over for fifteen hundred years," Balustrade explained to the faded, marred ghost in moth-eaten finery, "You are free of your oath, the Queen of all Ponies rules now."
"A pegasus?" the high, thin sound parodied a voice.
"She has lovely, powerful wings," Balustrade said, honesty rolling off him in waves, "As do her sister and niece."
The host of pegasi ghosts in ancient panoplies faded in the blazing sun, satisfied they'd done their duty and eager to attain their eternal rest.
"Not a word lad, until we're out of here," the old soldier advised as we strenuously didn't run shrieking across the sandy plains.
yhb 98765` was friendly enough, once we explained that we didn't intend to eat him. But I think I can explain some pony insanity now.
The braves were cowering, trying to blend in with the sand. Balustrade had fainted. If Clear Brook's eyes bugged out and opened wider, they'd pop out of her head as she looked up, and up, and up at the body that towered over us.
I was concentrating on the immense claws that sprouted from the raised leg before us, and considered the absolute forest of comparatively thin, staggeringly long legs running from the ground to the vanishing point that seemed to be stratospheric at least. The effect was of a spider with near infinite legs each tipped with two curved swords.
"Should exception be considered flavorsome again to force hiding upon this one," came from above, from the creature's knees for all I knew.
"Tell him we have no interest in eating him," Nightmare supplied.
How the heck would we chop off a piece and cook it? Those legs seem tiny compared to the body that passed by, but each one's the size of a tree trunk, I thought to Nightmare,
"It obviously remembers being much smaller, and a delicacy," Nightmare said.
You aren't telling me something, I thought, Don't ponies avoid meat?
"And Earth horses don't, think about why that it," Nightmare said, "Use your darkest imagination."
I did, shuddered and realized.
"We aren't going to eat you," I said to the leg before us.
"This can be verified how?" came the voice.
"I haven't eaten them," I indicated the two braves.
"You, that one, have eaten," the voice said, "Inside you, so deny it cannot you make."
"I didn't eat Nightmare, we're just having sex," I replied.
Having a chat with something the size of a small, tectonic plate, that is still deft enough to move without a cataclysm at every step was interesting. It went back to sleep and returned to it's underground dwelling. Returning to the village for the night was unnerving.
What's eating them, I asked Nightmare as the stares of the two braves continued boring into the back of my skull, Am I going to have to sleep with one eye open, or should we just slip away in the night?
"I think you have it backwards, they are afraid and not plotting against you," Nightmare explained, "Not the other way around."
Frightened people can do stupid things, I replied, And if not me then whom? Now I'm talking like yhb 98765`.
"They're afraid of Chief Thunderhooves. They have to report this to him," Nightmare said.
And he'll laugh at them? I asked, Some cultures that value personal honor are like that, no physical wound avoided to prevent a stain on honor or reputation.
"Close," Nightmare said, "It is about courage and great deeds. What they are afraid of is the Chief having to abdicate in your favor."
"What the Fuck!?" rang over the darkening dunes.
Nightmare was bullshitting me. What they were worried about was being believed, and worse, the warrior's trial. They had to come up with a test, which has to actually be a strain for the warrior, of their courage, not necessarily their battle prowess. As either one could easily beat me in a fight. Throwing spears at someone tied to a post and them not flinching is no good test for someone as insanely brave as I am. How they get 'Well, I'm gonna die if I fight anyway might as well talk to the monsters' to fit in courageous escapes me. I'd call it resignation. If it has to be legendarily mystical, I'd call it equanimity with a touch of Nietzscheism. If nothing matters, then why not be audacious?
I am not looking forward to the trial. Those are some confirmed badasses who've seen and done a lot in their lives. Most of them are not as sophisticated as Princess Celestia, but they are still twisted thinkers when they need to be.
Journal Entry - 1A+47
Today's the trial. A game with rules I don't know and objectives I can't easily guess. So I have to figure out the rules while I try not losing in my ignorance. Sometimes I hate my life.
I'm sitting in the shade, facing a handful of elders, also in the shade, and waiting. The day is a little chilly, and promises to be a little warm at the peak, but unless they are testing whether I'll fall asleep, get bored and wander off, have to go pee, laugh myself sick at Balustrade and Clear Brook gnawing their nails to the bone, or get hit by a passing meteor, I have little to worry about from the environment.
It's not even a staring contest, the elders blink, one enters and another leaves, they chat amongst themselves in low tones. The only instructions were to sit and wait the elders' decision. No clue whether their decision started or ended the testing.
"So," a lithe squaw?/filly?/buffalette? sits about two arms' lengths from me and asks, "What's your best story about heroes?"
I hadn't been told to stay silent, so I begin, "They fight battles on the oceans of my world, in open water. They use cannons as big as tree trunks that fire shells that weight as much as a couple of full-grown buffalo. The biggest naval rifle ever put to sea were aboard the Imperial Japanese Naval battleship Yamato, at 80,000 tons she was the largest battleship ever built."
"Despite all that, the Japanese were losing the war. They'd conquered the Philippines," I say as I draw a crude map in the sand. A few other young braves and squaws had wandered over and seated themselves near the first who leaned over my drawing to offer a good look down her top.
Since I'd seen what a cute, little buffalo girl grows into, I ignore the show and continue my story. "They'd lose. Guarding the American invasion fleet were two powerful American fleets, Halsey's Third Fleet, the most powerful naval force on the planet, and Kinkaid's Seventh Fleet which could have defeated any other navy on Earth by itself. Part of Kinkaid's fleet was a unit called Taffy 3, a collection of small carriers, destroyers and destroyer escorts. The destroyers were the smallest fleet warships, and the USS Johnston under Commander Ernest Evans was one of them. He was an AmerInd, that is people from my country who used to live much as you buffalo do now, but he wanted to go to sea. He 'intended to go into harms way, and if you didn't want to go, you better get off right now.'"
"The escort carriers and destroyer escorts were generally designed as convoy escorts, they guarded merchant ships as they traveled to free up real warships to fight other warships. They had no business being in the same battle as the mighty Yamato, who out weighed all of Taffy 3 combined. In fact the Yamato's gun turrets were heavier than Evan's destroyer. Imagine fighting an enemy whose bow is heavier than you are."
"So these were second-line ships, full of second-line weapons facing the cream of the enemy's navy," I say, "The first is defending their fellow soldiers, the second is the only remaining striking power of their Empire."
I finished telling the tale of the Battle Off Samar. Most of the kids were wide-eyed at the incredible bravery and determination of the Taffy forces. The elders decided the test was over and pronounced me a warrior.
Thunderhooves later took me aside and said 'if your folk would risk everything and die for your kinfolk who you didn't even know about, as a matter of course, there's no trial you'd survive we could offer. Your humility and willingness to treat us the same is sufficient.'
It was a bit more flowery than that, but the implication was that nearly anyone from Earth would get the same treatment, unless proven a coward. I'd not only brought honor to me, but all of humanity. Not a bad couple days' work.
The train ride back to Ponyville will be an anticlimax, but plenty to report to her Highness.
Journal Entry - 1A+48
First thing to report is there's a fricken' dome of magic surrounding the town, and Twilight hasn't returned from her adventure. I'll probably kick myself when I figure out which villain it is, but right now I'm drawing a blank. Getting over, under or through the barrier is the first order of business.
"Don't do that again," Nightmare screams at me, a mix of fear and anger.
"I got through didn't I?" I gasp as I fall to my knees, appearing in the anteroom as I struggle to remain conscious.
"You nearly died," Nightmare replies as she holds my flickering form tightly as the effect of the barrier fades, "A pony wouldn't have died."
"A pony wouldn't have gotten through," I tell her, before I stabilize and am about to remain conscious.
I check myself over and find I have no physical wounds, although the agony of passing through the barrier had been excruciating. I stand and ignore the pounding and the shouts of Clear Brook and Balustrade.
"The other effect is psychological," Nightmare warns, "You're not going to take adequate precautions, or react properly."
How do you know that? I wonder.
"I had a hand down your pants starting a handjob and you didn't notice," Nightmare says.
Point taken, I think then privately add, I must really be messed up to have missed that.
The lurching walk into Ponyville passes in silence. The areas of pressed down grass as if something had been dragged over the ground clued me into whom we'd be facing.
There are a few very minor tricks Nightmare has learned how to do in the real world. Specifically, and she HATES it, she can make small parts of my body glow different colors. Not flashlight bright, and not really useful, and she really hates making light, think drinking coffee made with water out of the toilet bowl, even after you scrubbed and flushed a few times. Hence why I haven't mentioned it, it's not even good teasing material. But, if you had to drop trou and piss on something to save your life, you'd do it.
"Ah, the new host of Nightmare," I announce before Trixie can begin her introduction, "And with the name Trixie Lunamoon, you shall be Nightmare MOON! Bwahagha!"
Did you do that thunder clap? I ask as the echos die down.
"No, it's just the dramatic narrative," Nightmare explains, squirms, then makes the luminous purple cloud radiate around my eyes.
"Nopony will remember you as a performer, just the undisputed queen of the worlds! They will look upon your eternal beauty and despair! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" I shout as I approach.
Trixie's red-eyes briefly fade, then the Alicorn Amulet reasserts its power over her.
"People will remember Trixie! The Greatest Showmare of All Time!" Trixie shouts back and a few fireworks explode over her.
"Until you seized the Amulet, you were unworthy of hosting the Invincible Nightmare! You were unworthy of becoming the new Nightmare Moon! Just a strolling player! Not even worthy of hate, they kept your stuff after you ran away, the cowardly thespian shown up by the Shatterer of Worlds."
Trixie is about to retort, but the nightmare glow briefly fades and I'm able to mouth the word 'run', before the glow returns. "As my host you will be the focus of all attention, you won't have to play the chorine, the bit player, the faded jade. You will be the queen, and others will dance to your tune," I tell her.
Rainbow charges in, and both Trixie and I raise our arms, but she fires. Firing before me, she thinks.
"Yes, fall to the darkness of the Amulet, become more worthy as my host by the passing moments," I say, "Strike down this pathetic fleshbag, free my spirit so it can transcend you!"
That ends Trixie's plan to zorch me, and she throws up a barrier encasing me.
My screaming in pain isn't faked as I walk through it, but the pain is every dark memory, every time I was beaten for something I didn't do, every time my hard work was destroyed by my household, every time a bully picked me as the target, and every time my happiness was stripped away because someone more important thought it fun to do so.
Then I was through, and I stared at the horrified Trixie, but the experience had eliminated the glowing eyes. "Run, she only wants the amulet for your power up and your body as a carriage." I jerk and the glowing eyes return and the sympathetic expression fades to predatory.
Trixie grasps the Amulet firmly and makes a decision.
The damned amulet is hard, and heavy. Trixie knocked me cold with it, and then locked it around my neck. I can feel the rage of the amulet as it sought any power intrinsic to me and can find none, zero, nada.
Nightmare is laughing herself sick at the impotent rage as the amulet can't even talk to me coherently it's so mad.
Watching Applejack and Trixie putting Twilight in a headlock is an interesting sight to wake up to. I prop myself up on an elbow while three, naked, nubile women wrestle around on the floor. I wish I had a camera, or sold tickets.
"I'll set it up with me, Applejack and Celestia," Nightmare offers, "Maybe have them both take you on, first impaled on your dick gets to marry you."
Stifling the squawk from me and ignoring Nightmare's laughter nearly distracts me from the beautiful, dirty fighting Applejack and Trixie use to keep Twilight from spellcasting.
"Tickling her would work better," I say, distracting Applejack and Trixie enough for Twilight to close, but they slow her down as she gets in reach, and I show them how effective it is.
The future Alicorn-Princess is reduced to a squeaking, spark-tossing mess as she tries to fend off hands from all three of us.
"Okay, enough," Applejack declares, then stares at me, "And don't start in on me, we've gotta talk."
I pout at her, but let Trixie speak.
"It was all a trick," Trixie says, "If she'd been in her right mind, Trixie would have seen through the performance, but the amulet doesn't understand subtlety." She glances at Twilight. "You know the type."
Applejack just rolls her eyes and tries to hide a grin.
"All right, but what effect does the amulet actually have?" Twilight asks as she gets up and straightens her hair out of her face.
"It has given Nightmare a case of the giggles as it screams rage at the world, at me for being powerless, and at everyone involved in it being around my neck instead of a worthy pony's," I reply, "I wasn't lying, they still have your stuff in the mayor's office."
Trixie brightens immediately, then drops back into character.
"We could keep her around," I tell Applejack, "She's got rock farming experience, and maybe she can teach Twilight that there's more to being a unicorn than magic-slinging. That spells like Want-it-Need-It, the Pinkie Exterminator, the Parasprite Mutator, and that scroll of Star Swirl's aren't necessarily the answer to pending questions. That talking to us 'Everypony is crazy' normies might actually teach her about friendships. Instead of planning a magical lobotomy on a sleeping person who'd already solved the problem."
Twilight is looking horrified as she realizes I knew exactly what she was planning.
"I chopped the horn off the last pony who used mind-control on my friends, and I'm afraid I got a taste for it since it works so well," I tell Twilight, who squirms backward into a corner, both hands covering her horn.
"But I know all there has to be is Celestia's rules and Twilight would break into a glass case to retrieve her Element of Magic, can't break rules to recover hugely dangerous, flagrantly stolen, national treasures," I say and have Twilight's jaw hanging open, "Not when it might break Celestia's rules. Didn't the Crystal Empire teach you anything? Thousands of ponies' lives hanging in the balance and you were focused on getting a gold star on Princess Celestia's test. Did it ever occur to you that her real test was learning to say 'Screw your Rules Celestia, I'm doing what's right?' You seem willing to do whatever underhanded and immoral thing is necessary to stay in her good graces or satisfy your sense of what is right and proper. Frankly you need to learn from somepony like Trixie who can separate the character from the actor."
I left Applejack and Trixie behind to deal with Twilight's rather delicate emotional state, but she's still pounding buttons I'd thought I'd desensitized. I know I can take off the amulet anytime I want, but it's powerless while I wear it, and therefore a net increase to the safety of Equestria.
Of course with my luck, the spirit of the amulet will be a voluptuous female, and then I'll have Nightmare and the A.A. in my head.
"Where are we?" I ask Nightmare as we walk through what I can't decide if it's a sewer or an abattoir. I look at the desiccated husks of ponies, griffons, the occasional diamond dog, and realize the hallway is the parchment-covered skeleton of a very large dragon.
"This is the amulet's digestive tract," Nightmare says, "It gives the creature whatever massive magical boost they want, while it eats their soul in the bargain."
"Then why are we walking inside it?" I ask.
"Only way in or out, and we haven't been here long enough for it to hurt us too badly." A sword and a slash and we have a hole we can walk through into the rest of the amulet's innards.
I take it in with a laughing Nightmare following. "Those are those who died when wearing the amulet," she tells me, "We're alive and thus protected. And there are two of us, it can't harm friends, bosom companions and in my case that makes three I have."
I take the hint and nuzzle her tits. Her hands slip into my pants and begin working Nightmare's real magic. My hands slip under her bustier and begin working her nipples. We're competitive so it becomes a race, which can hold out, and which can break the other's grip. I don't use the tickling trump, I want this to last.
This is the kind of teasing and fighting I enjoy. "I love you," I tell Nightmare.
She gasps, not because I've slipped my fingers into her slit and started working her nub with my thumb, but I've never specifically told her that. I've implied in deed and action, but never the words. It's unfair, she's proven time and again she deserves it.
She's crying now, nuzzling me and making happy noises. I work at making her happier.
As she goes, I let myself go as well. While our cries are rapturous, the answering echo is despair.
I wake to being naked, at full mast, and having bukkaked both Applejack and Princess Celestia who were a bit close when Nightmare and I climaxed.
The next thing I notice is the warm sand pouring off my neck. The Alicorn Amulet has disintegrated and the dust is growing finer and more dispersed by the moment. The two mares have seen the same, although the faceful of the mechanism for its destruction dampens their enthusiasm somewhat.
"Doesn't that go in the other end?" Applejack asks.
"There are lots of places," I say, and lean forward to give her a kiss.
"You'll get it all over," Applejack squeals and backs away, "It's gonna be hard enough ta explain this." She glances at Celestia. "Y'all got a clean up spell? Kinda subtle-like?"
A gesture and they are clean, although the smell lingers a bit around all three of us, or maybe it's the room, and the sheets.
"I think I can guess what you did, with Nightmare," Celestia says, "But how did you know . . . " She starts as I cover myself as the door opens and Applebloom sticks her head in.
"Tantric Magic would work?" I offer as Applebloom wrinkles her noise at the smell. "Nightmare and I destroyed the Alicorn Amulet, everything's normal," I tell Applebloom who nods, wrinkles her nose again and leaves.
"Thank you," Applejack says, "Granny Smith will figure it out, but Applebloom doesn't need to know, yet."
"I don't know how Nightmare knew, but if the Amulet stoked the hate of those who wore it, then ate the souls of those who fell while wearing it," I say, "It's logical that a loving couple could shatter it, especially from the inside."
"You blew it up from the inside," Applejack says and snorts, "I gotta tell Twi that, then watch as she figures it out. There's gonna be a whole new shade of purple when she does." At that Applejack starts laughing and Celestia joins in, but she sits on the bed and hugs me, Applejack collapses onto the floor as she laughs.
Journal Entry - 1A+50
I wish I could report we all overcame our personal and cultural hang ups and had group sex, but that didn't happen. So there's some work to do. I did tell both Applejack and Celestia that I loved them, in the other's presence, which caused both of them to blush, and I apologized to all three (Nightmare included) for not saying it earlier, but I needed to both heal and grow up to tell any woman that. That there's no female on Earth I'd tell that to probably remains true, but these three are a different makeup. Neither Celestia nor Applejack say anything, but both take my hands. I do tell them that there's nothing shameful about their desire for each other, which really makes them blush and act like teenagers on a first date.
I knew Applejack felt that way towards Celestia, but it's nice to know my guess that it went both ways way right.
Granny walked in. Celestia and Applejack immediately straightened up and tried looking anywhere but at each other. Granny had stripped the top sheet off the bed when she turned and absolutely glared at Applejack, and at Celestia.
I was about to intervene, and take the punishment, when Granny stopped me cold.
Granny sighed, still glaring at the pair. "Young'uns ain't got no sense these days," she said to Applejack, then to Celestia, "Even ancient young'uns."
While Applejack and Celestia both looked like they wished to disappear through the floor and hide for a thousand years, Granny turned to me. "You keep bein' crazy," she ordered, then turned on Applejack, "I ain't lettin' you make the mistake I did. Sometimes a mare is jist a lonely mare and needs treatin' as such." Her expression softened a bit when she looked to see if I'd gotten the message.
"Nightmare made that very clear," I admitted, "And we've taken steps."
I noted that Applejack was looking at her grandmother as Twilight might a new and alien species, while Celestia was showing equal interest in the whorls in the wood of the ceiling timbers.
Granny carried the soiled linens out. "Applebloom's in school, Big Mac's in the field and I gotta go into town. One shower total, and I'm still mare enough to tan your hide Applejack, and your man'll give it away however clever he thinks he is."
"I suggest we do as ordered," I said, "Besides we have to brief Twilight, if we don't shower before we do, it'll give the joke away."
I strongly suspect that Applejack and Granny Smith are going to have a very private conversation later. You being there is physical proof that your grandparents had sex, but nobody likes to think about it. But Granny and Celestia? That's something I'd want to know about, and get some pointers, unless she's implying she broke it off before they went that far.
Twilight proved as entertaining as promised. She put tantric together with the amulet bursting, and if she gone any purpler, she'd have vanished into the ultraviolet. Trixie promised to show her how that worked, and for an instant I thought Twilight had done just that, until I remembered she could teleport.
Trixie was having a new wagon and props made, and was giving a few shows to earn some bits. I suspect her battle against the evil of the Amulet would get all the blame for her reign of terror. I'd told her how the amulet worked to give it some verisimilitude, maybe heckle her first performance to make her the bigger woobie in the eyes of the Ponyville populace. She offered a few acting lessons beforehand, and an offer to travel with her.
I replied I liked the benefits of farming, and it was better to have lots of ponies around when trouble arrived, which it always did. Trixie only grinned, which turned Applejack a uniform burnt umber, and took her leave.
I was disappointed that Celestia couldn't stay, although she did admit to Granny in front of her family, 'I never blamed you for what happened.' But night, bed and rest beckoned and despite having slept through the past couple days, I was again exhausted beyond words.
"Uh, hi," I said to Applejack as she stood beside my bed.
"It seems everypony - even Applebloom thinks we have already passed this point, so it seems kinda silly dancing around it, worried what everypony will think about it," Applejack said, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt she often wore to bed.
I leaned forward and kissed her. "While I appreciate the sentiment, you're doing this out of duty, not because you feel it, and I'm so tired that I'd make a complete hash out of it. So if you wouldn't mind just cuddling, I think I can do that, and we'll see what the morning brings."
She gives me a shy smile and takes my hand as she climbs onto bed. Then looks around. "How do we do this?"
"Usually like spoons in a drawer," I said as I climbed in, "You'd be behind me with your arm draped over me, so I don't choke on your hair. But with your ponytail that isn't a problem."
"I think I got a better way, a pony way," she said as she lay on her back and pulled me on top of her with my head on her breasts. Then she pulled the covers up to my ears and wrapped her legs around mine. "Okay?" she asked nervously.
"Won't you be uncomfortable?" I asked.
"I snore on my side or stomach," I admitted and while I can't see it, I feel her skin warm with the blush.
Journal Entry - 1A+51
I've decided I'm going to kill Rainbow Dash. I'm going to skin her alive, and while thousands of outraged nerve endings lay exposed, I'm going to pluck out her feathers one at a time and set them on fire and lay the burning plumage on her flayed body. Then I'm going to fill her skin with salted, lemon juice and staple it back on her body. Then I'll get creative. Then I'll get mean.
Granny, Applebloom, and Big Mac had decided to let us sleep in, possibly to complete what Applejack had planned to consummate last night. We were just waking up, and enjoying the warm glow of the sun and the chance for there to be more, when who should start pounding on the window, screaming like a madmare whether we were done because something important was happening? If you can't answer, read the preceding paragraph.
Was it a dragon, some villain not chronicled on the show, a earthquake destroying the dam, Bab Seed bullying Applebloom, Celestia declaring herself Queen, or that Rainbow accepted into the Wonderbolts? Yeah, the last would be internally consistent with Dash's personality.
Yes, that's what it was, the Wonderbolts sent her an invitation to their training camp. How could I forget that? So on what could have been a marvelous day of me and Applejack, we all had to congratulate Rainbow on common sense breaking out among the elites of Equestria. And that's how I'll start skinning her.
"It's nothing special," I say as everypony else is adulating Rainbow.
" 'Nothing special'?" Rainbow Dash says back, in my face, "They're only the most elite flying team in the entire world!"
"The most elite flying team in the world are Princesses Celestia and Luna," I reply, "That isn't a testament to your awesomeness, it's them figuring out that the future of Equestria rests on the shoulders of an undisciplined goofball," I tell her, the look on her face couldn't be worse if I'd skinned her alive. Step one accomplished. "So go, learn, absorb everything they can teach you, because that letter also means they think you're redeemable. That maybe they can turn you into someone who can stand up under the pressure of your responsibilities. Maybe they'll give you the lessons that you can teach the rest of the team, your team."
"What lessons?" Rainbow asks.
"About leadership, and followership," I reply, "A team like the Wonderbolts is all about following orders, the plan, but it's also about speaking up when the plan is being formed." I look directly at Pinkie Pie, who cowers slightly, then at Twilight, who seems to want to be anywhere else, "Because hurried plans too often lead to disasters and tragedies."
Twilight practically cowers at the barb thrown.
I sweep the entire group. "That's what this team needs, the ability to tell their leader that she's got her head up and locked, change the plan, then follow without a hiccup now or doubts later. That's what they'll try to teach you."
Rainbow absorbs this hovering in the air, actually thinking for a bit.
She's about to dismiss it when I throw in, "You'll also find out how little you actually know about the Wonderbolts, flying and aerial maneuvering. So all in all it'll be a good experience as long as you leave your ego out of it. They'll break you down and build you back up. I'm just surprised they didn't send Fluttershy the same invite."
Fluttershy looks like she is going to say something, but hides behind Rarity instead.
"Methinks she got one already," Nightmare says.
Good to have you back, I think to her, Where've you been?
"Waiting in the wings so you couldn't claim I influenced you to Applejack," Nightmare says, "Little good did it do me, you tease."
"So my point is, when they make you a subordinate, look to being a good subordinate," I tell Rainbow, "When your leader suggests something morally questionable, unfair, or downright cheating, think about how would you want Captain Spitfire to handle it, and more than anything, talk to them! Your leader and the Wonderbolts. The whole point of you being there is to learn what it takes to be a member of an elite team."
Rainbow actually looks thoughtful. I never knew she had it in her. I suspect Lightning Dust is in for a rude awakening. Of course so is Rainbow, but that's a given.
Journal Entry - 1A+52
While I might have a tendency to put the boot in while the target is unawares, I hope I've grown enough not to kick someone when they're down, if they wouldn't do the same to me.
So aside from reminding Pinkie Pie that Rainbow has so much to learn she probably wouldn't welcome us showing up, and that she'll have a huge amount to teach when she returns so a big block of Rainbow-only time should be cleared for after, there isn't a lot to do. Trixie's wagon is going ahead and she's dragged Pinkie Pie out to discuss (dissect/critique) my rock farm to distract her. I took the innocent criticisms in stride, although I got most of my mistakes straight out of text books. Oh horror, scholars being wrong, how will Twilight survive?
Well, we'll see, because the three of us discussed exactly that where Twilight could hear, Trixie and Pinkie couldn't see Twilight, and those two fled like scalded cats as soon as they realized they'd impugned books in Twilight's presence. Considering the expression on Twilight's face, her completely disheveled mane, and that she was vibrating up and down a few inches, maybe running away would have been the better choice.
"The books are wrong?" Twilight asked, her calm voice contrasting her face and body expression which managed to capture both Jack Nicholson and Mia Farrow's in The Shining .
"Oh Grey Rock," Discord said as he entered the library and glanced around, "Sorry, forgot to buy flowers for a funeral." Discord vanished in smoke conveniently labeled 'puff'.
"It happens: ideas, fashions change," I said.
"Fashions, in sCieNce?" Twilight asked so sweetly.
"Sure, some scientists publish things to suck up to their patrons," I said, "After all, you still haven't denied ponies are a parasatoid species. In fact - you do just that when it's brought up," I said to the dissipating unicorn-shaped smoke cloud as I looked around the empty, main room of the library. "Exit, stage orchard," I said and fled.
I had to apologize to Spike as Twilight spent the next couple hours counting the hairs in her tail. The fact she could do it in a couple hours is scary all by itself.
Journal Entry - 1A+54
I've done it now. I didn't mean for it to spread like that. It was just a little prank on Pinkie Pie to get her mind off Dash's absence. I've heard there are outbreaks in Canterlot, Derpy took it to VanHoover, so the whole Postal System is affected, and the buffalo . . . so it can cross species.
Spike's got it, so that means the dragons aren't immune. What have I done?
" 'Gory, Gory what a hell of a way to die,'" Applebloom, Diamond Tiara and Granny Smith all sang together, "'He ain't gonna jump no more.'"
"What have you done?" Nightmare asked, her rage palpable, "That all my efforts failed so miserably to achieve?"
"You have no idea how sorry I am," I said for all to hear as I fled outside to Big Mac, Fluttershy, Rarity and Princess Luna singing the same song.
Journal Entry - 1A+55
Nope, nothing nada. There's no pony song catchy enough to break the hold of Blood Upon the Risers. I need to pull out the big guns!
" 'Two thousand men and fifty thousand tons of steel,'" Balustrade and Prince Blueblood sang.
"How is this an improvement?" Discord asked.
"At least they aren't singing about blood and gore and throwing up afterwards," I shouted over Celestia and Fancy Pants.
They belted out, " 'Firepower! Firefight!'" As Discord and I headed to a quiet cavern to decide on a new course of action.
Gray Rock 2 - Part 4
I've been recalled to Canterlot. This may be my final entry, as I'm locking up the book and will be accompanying the large guard detachment I saw leaving Canterlot. Yes, I could see it leaving there with the naked eye. I am sorry that Applejack and I never finished what we started. I've got my will complete and a few, last minute messages for people I care about, that I don't want to detail here, although I will detail the question that Twilight received the answer for, what is 6 times 9?
I sit in the air chariot, alone. Balustrade and Clear Brook are within the formation somewhere, whether as guards or not-quite prisoners is a question that hasn't been definitively answered. 'Gray Rock is within the cordon', to prevent me from doing something foolish, or someone else from cheating the ax-pony of her rightful task I don't know.
The guards flying close escort have no words for me after those were spoken. They seemed approving that I sat rather than stood peering over the edge of the chariot rubbernecking, but have no effort or interest in me beyond that.
All I feel is tired, I think, I know I haven't been the googly-eyed brony that people who come to Equestria are supposed to be, but I thought I was escaping.
"You can't run away from yourself," Nightmare explains, "All you can do is stand and face yourself, struggle and come out a better person on the other side."
Yeah, well if I'm going down, I'm going down as me and I'm not taking anypony else, I think as the chariot descends towards a landing pad. Among the huge force of soldiers are Princess Luna and Prince, not Guard Captain, Shining Armor. A smattering of the Wonderbolts Academy trainees are with the Princess, Rainbow among them. None are in Wonderbolt colors, the Wonderbolts themselves are in the armor and regalia of their military branch.
None of them look happy.
Rainbow won't even look at me, I think as Rainbow looks everywhere but at me as the pair of pegasi grease the chariot in, and two others, Spitfire and a unicorn, both in full armor, step up to the exit of the chariot.
In all those fics someone is supposed to say something clever at this point, I consider and feel only emptiness, I can't think of a single thing. Even 'I'm sorry' seems better reserved for when I'm in court.
They walk beside me as Luna leads and a few Guards take up the rear. Rainbow's up with a few more pegasi guards, all grim business and no jokes. I don't see Lightning Dust anywhere, I'm hoping that's part of Rainbow's taciturn change of heart.
I'm familiar with the cell, and can guess why the security is at movie Secret Service levels of paranoia and triple-checking. No one to get me, and no chance I'll off myself early.
Two guards are posted inside the cell, big, hulking Earth Ponies who look like they haven't found anything remotely funny in eons. Outside are two unicorns who give the vibe that while Twilight is stronger, she would never fight as dirty as they. There are at least a dozen other guards as far as I can see. Luna retires without a word as soon as the door closes.
There's being alone, there's being alone in a crowd of people you don't know, and there's being alone with a crowd who know you, and are looking for the tiniest excuse to commit violence. I'll take either of the other two for $500, I think as I settle on the bunk.
"Well, Gray Rock, when you drop a turd in the punchbowl," I say to hear some noise at all, "You don't mess around."
A derisive snort is all I hear from one of my two cellmates.
Morning brings a light breakfast, vegetarian: toast, jam, a cup of sliced fruit and a glass of berry juice. The number of guards on the food nearly exceeds the guards Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have screening their sojourns in the exterior, combined.
Somebody wants me dead, I think as I accept the breakfast and eat it, with the stoic guards staring at me the entire time.
"Go ahead and thank them," Nightmare suggests, "Even though none of them will talk to you, they will relay that to ponies who might appreciate it."
I do as she suggested when I return the tray to the guards who brought it. They don't so much as nod. It's about half an hour before more guards arrive.
"We're taking you before the Royal Court," the guard says, he/she is either a slightly built male or a bulky female, even the jawline doesn't give a clue.
"Are Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook going to be there as well?" I ask, hoping I can apologize to them for getting them into this.
"They'll be joining us," the guard says, as much to the detachment as to me.
We're out of the prison complex when the other two pegasi are added to our cordon, after a few moment of consultation, all three of us are put together with the mobile elements reinforced to range out and above.
"Sorry about the jail cell lad," Balustrade says, "And all of this."
"If we'd known . . . " Clear Brook says and looks ashamed.
"I'm the one who should be apologizing," I say, "If I'd known a little joke would lead to you getting roped in to this." I sigh. "Sorry, sometimes I just do things without thinking about the immediate effects."
"Well, this one was a doozy," Balustrade says, which makes me feel even worse. "Lad, you do and be who you have to be. But a word, go in with your chin up, their Highnesses like it when you stand tall."
So they can hammer you straight in with one shot, I think, and get no witty riposte from Nightmare.
There is one thing I'm going to do, and nopony's going to talk me out of it. I do as Balustrade suggested, head up, eyes front, and ready for whatever punishment shall befall me.
The great doors open, and we are ushered in. Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence are there, as is Prince-Consort Shining Armor and the entire senior diplomatic corps. Discord looks at me, smiles and gives me six thumbs-up in one hand, four in the other and one from his tongue. I honestly don't know if that's good or bad. The herald begins announcing us, and the moment he finishes, I'll have my say.
"Princesses, Prince-Consort, and your Excellencies of the Diplomatic Corps, I take full blame and responsibility for any and all harm my actions have caused. Captain Balustrade and Doctor Clear Brook merely acted as exemplary members of the Equestrian military and Equestrian government," I say and ignore the shocked expressions of both my allies, the Herald, and the guard detachment, "Even Nightmare is blameless in this. If there is punishment to be meted out, I beg you, let it fall on me alone."
Princess Celestia looks at me in her most imperiousness, Princess Luna tries but it is no contest. "So, the blame and punishment are yours alone? What of anything else?" she asks.
"I depend on the wisdom and mercy of the Diarchy," I say.
I'm sweating bullets at this point, Princess Celestia is beyond pissed all the way into serene, Princess Luna looks like she is working up as unchallenged champion of the All-Equestria Nail-Eating contest. Even Empress Cadence looks aggrieved, throwing a glance at Princess Celestia as if she had some special torture mandated by my action, and it's implementation had just been thwarted. Even Discord is just staring at me.
I just hope it gets Balustrade and Clear Brook out of the boiling water I just jumped into. Sorry Nightmare, I think, I don't know if they can slice me and not cut you.
"You offered more than any before, even when I could simply take," Nightmare says back, "I will die well, as will you."
It's not something that should make me feel better, but it does.
Journal Entry - 1A+58 (entry delayed)
Fuck my life. I can't even die with dignity correctly. After Celestia started laughing so hard she literally fell off her throne, the guard captain stammered I was being rewarded, not punished. Of course by that time everybody in the throne room except Discord and Luna were laughing their plots off. Discord was too busy crying as if he'd had a religious experience he couldn't explain, and Luna was lamenting the loss of the Diarchs' dignity.
It never occurred to her that Celestia setting me up to unintentionally prank the entire diplomatic corps sends a better message about Equestria's power than being stoic all the time. I'd also entered that in my public journal on the day.
Princess Luna was making the address, as she and I were the only ones not having the occasional giggle bubble up out of nowhere, uncontrolled and unstoppable.
Princess Luna stood at the podium, stern and regal. "In honor of his stellar service to the crown -"
GUFFAW! from several members of the corps, and Shining Armor, broke her train of thought.
Princess Luna glanced at her cue cards and valiantly soldiered on. "For discovering an incredible new means of uncovering changelings."
"Uncovering!" a senior bureaucrat doubled over with laughter. Those around him tittered or howled themselves.
Princess Luna screwed up her expression, set about half the cards aside and continued, "In recognition of his cleverness." She gestured and the drapes over the stained-glass window were pulled aside.
"Now we throw him through it, right?" a griffon general asked, a tear rolling down his cheek, then others laughed at the joke, including me.
Princess Luna looked on the verge of chewing through the lectern when I rescued her by applauding, it was quickly picked up by even the half-sober members of the crowd, including the other Princesses.
Luna took the escape offered. Then shoved me at the lectern.
Okay Luna, payback's a bitch and so are you, I thought, then put on a smile to face the crowd.
"I'd like to say that my actions were calculated, planned and meticulously carried out to exacting standards," I said, "But even I couldn't pull that lie off."
"Pull something else off!" one of the zebras called.
"It's not that kind of show," I said, and the crowd howled.
"The credit goes to your people, who took advantage of the opening I provided. I am glad that the window shows their diligence in capitalizing on that opening."
The stained glass showed me singing and various races confronting surprised changelings. Evidently the weird effect that Blood Upon the Risers had on most of Equestrians' emotional make up sent changelings into fits, making the few that had escaped the post-Wedding sweep, or had snuck back in afterwards, easy pickings. And it had shown up how heavily infiltrated other nations' cities were as the equine minorities sang the songs and revealed the changelings.
Nightmare continued to find my assumption that I was to be punished for what I'd done gut-bustingly hilarious. So did Celestia, Cadence and Shining Armor. Princess Luna and Discord were both appalled in their own way and for their own reasons. Not the least of which was all Celestia had to do was look at me and she'd get a case of the giggles.
Journal Entry - 1A+59 (entry delayed)
I got to spend the night with Celestia. Except she kept laughing. I even threatened to take advantage of her while she slept. Her reaction was to grab me in a bone-crushing hug, with my face between her breasts, and told me 'Do.'
Frankly, I don't know whether doing or not doing would be better so I just wrapped myself around her and slept. Neither one of us let go, and awakening to her bevy of maids who looked like they were staring at a bucket of kittens was extremely disturbing.
Breakfast soured the experience for me, somewhat. PRINCESS Luna was in rare form, and there are times I just have to stick a pin in certain egos.
"Jealous?" I ask.
Princess Luna turns to Twilight's color scheme as she stares at me.
"I bet Celestia would love to snuggle with Luna. If only she could get past Princess Luna," I say, "So she settles for second best and makes the most of it."
The only sound is Celestia munching her toast, then the sound of another piece of toast, Princess Luna's, hitting the table.
"This is my fault?" Princess Luna asks, a soft voice presaging the explosion.
"It's - Princess - Luna's fault," I say, "Ditch that broad and hang out with your sister, like we talked about, remember? Tell her she's got an appointment to get measured for a new stick up her ass while you go have fun. With your sister. Maybe she can teach you how to remove the chains you've forged for yourself. Nightmare ate the last batch, but I bet there are more."
The disinterested toast-munching fills the silence as Princess Luna stares at me with a hopeless fury. It's been more than enough time and she hasn't fulfilled her bargain. So even sending m to Tartarus would be a net loss.
"You do realize you've given Celestia the opportunity to eat your entire breakfast?" I ask.
Luna's head whips around to view her empty plate and the last piece of bacon, set on a piece of toast, disappearing between Celestia's lips.
Celestia glances over at Luna. "I wasn't going to let it go to waste," Celestia says.
"It's still going to waist and poke her in the belly," I whisper to Luna.
Poor girl looks so torn, and Celestia sitting there with a grin that makes me want to do it.
When instead Luna stares into her own lap, both Celestia and I sigh.
"Your loss," Celestia says as she gets up and pokes Luna in the side eliciting a squeak. Then she picks me up around the waist and slings me over her shoulder. "Going to waist, I'll spank you for that."
"Okay," I say happily, but do notice we're taking the servants' corridors back to Celestia's room. There's a modicum of restraint still there, or she wants to give the servants some good gossip, a valuable currency that the servants have that the nobles will pay other valuables for.
It turns out she has a rigorous workout schedule after breakfast, as she's up before sunrise and most nobles crawl out of bed at 9 AM. Spotting for her and bracing her for sit-ups and other exercises is fun, watching her move in her workout routine is also fun and intimate. She's not self-conscious about appearing less than queenly perfect as she's doing the exercises perfectly. She's making herself look good, and be healthy, because it makes her feel good. I guess that's part of why I like her, she doesn't get hung up on being a sparkly princess afraid to not be eternally perfect. She can be a person who can grunt, get sweaty, dirty and not get all bent out of shape. She's also letting me know she knows all about my perversion, and likely Luna's encounter with Nightmare's nightmare.
One of the reasons I hate fashion is that more often than not it's an example of 'look how little I have to work'. Bound feet, long fingernails, and so on make manual labor difficult. Work used to mean outside, so pale skin was prized. Now that work is inside, tanned skin is a sign of beauty. Both indicators that 'I don't have to work', but Celestia does work and I've got a feeling she'd love to work on the Apples' farm, or in a foundry or somewhere. She has no problem being a worker, earning her bread (cake), and doesn't get squeamish about getting dirty.
The aside aside, all that cake goes into muscle. As much as she 'sits' around, she's probably stronger than most of her troopers. And her work out, and the bath afterward were intimate, getting to see her in a different light, more vulnerable and more human.
Journal Entry - 1A+60
Today, or soon, Twilight becomes a Princess. How do I know? I get off the train to a sky that looks like Discord wanted a checkerboard, everypony in town is vaguely pissed off, and Applejack was making a hash of trying to make clothes.
Yep, the Mane 6 got their cutie marks switched, and while Mao Tse Pony had the idea that cutie marks are evil, ignoring muscle memory because your cutie mark says so is just as stupid. I jotted these notes down, and now I'm off to try to rescue the Mane Six before they all commit suicide/destroy somepony else's life's work through ineptitude.
"It isn't really my thing," Rarity says as I practically drag her into the boutique where Applejack is making a hash of designing or even making dresses.
"That cutie mark is a lightning bolt and a rainbow, your sense of style isn't in question, just your application," I reply, as Rarity winces at the mess Applejack in a few hours has generated.
"Yo, Gray Rock, little help?" Applejack says. She isn't bleeding, so she hasn't sewn herself into the costume, but she is trapped inside by her stitching.
"Oh . . . deeeeaar," Rarity says.
"Think of the play of color, think how it'll strike like a thunderbolt," I say, as Rarity almost idly snips one thread, instantly freeing Applejack. "I could've searched for a week and not seen that connection."
"It was obvious to me," Rarity says, and looks around sheepishly, "May I?" She gestures at the store.
"Yes, Applejack and I have to go save Pinkie Pie," I say, and point to Applejack's three diamonds cutie mark, "Despite being a former rock farmer, I bet those apple trees are getting the better of her."
The better part of the day was spent convincing the Mane 5 that their cutie marks could be used to their former employment. Admittedly, Pinkie was the hardest, how does a cut apple translate into jokes? I have no idea, Fluttershy whispered something to Pinkie Pie, who instantly brightened up and started into a comedy routine. Fluttershy and I rescued Rainbow from Angel, who like any non-Pony couldn't understand why a butt tattoo overshadows natural talent.
Finally, I went to consult with that paragon of unintended consequences, Twilight Sparkle.
"Call her Gleaming Shield," Nightmare suggests, "And act like she's Shining Armor, while his sister, Dusk Shine is the Captain of the Royal Guard."
There's always fun to be had around Nightmare, but I had a better plan. Involving a ribbon with an incorrect math formula written on it.
"DISCORD!" I shout as we enter the library, Sparkle nearly hit the roof, which lets me slap the ribbon on her forehead, "I drive you out, I abjure you this container! I order you to abandon this host and proceed forthwith to the nearest convenient parallel dimension!"
Discord appears. "It's not me," he says, "This is all in such bad taste, how could you think I had hand in it?" he says, sniffles and begins bawling. Bawling umbrellas.
I pick up two and use them to shield Sparkle and myself from the rest of the brolley barrage. "So you could distract us while you put your real plan into place," I reply.
The cascade stops, Discord glares at me and vanishes with a snap.
From behind comes, "Like I'd have a plan!" And Discord is gone again.
I look at the collection of the Elements arrayed in library's main room, then at Twilight, who has found the mistake in the formula and wants to correct it. "You did some critical experiment in here, didn't you?" I ask.
Twilight goes from confused, to smug, to horrified faster than I can write this.
"Star Swirl's spell!" Twilight exclaims.
"I really need to get you an expert on lab safety," I say, "At least it explains why guns don't exist in this word."
"Guns?" Twilight asks.
"Standing on the edge of a crater that spans half way to Canterlot, there being a plaque that reads, 'In the former town of Ponyville, here is where Twilight Sparkle, beloved student of Princess Celestia developed gunpowder, her last communication with her beloved mentor was, 'Dear Princess Celestia, I'm so excited!' the message ended at that point and the subsequent blast killed everything for 20 miles in all directions. The basin was flooded in a vain attempt to control the fires which can still be seen at the bottom of the deepest lake in Equestria to this day.'"
"I'm not that bad," Twilight grumpily said.
"To keep that true, I'm not telling you about gunpowder," I say, "How soon will you be ready with the counterspell and should I round up the others?"
"A couple of hours, so bring them by after lunch," Twilight says.
"Will do," I say as Twilight starts looking at the scroll, and a number of books. "TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" I bark, causing her to jump and nearly hit her head on the ceiling. "Get those things out of here first!" I say and point to the Elements.
She grins sheepishly and collects the Elements' display cases and moves them out of the main room.
Yes, Twilight managed to undo her Cutie Mark exchanging spell, yes she got dimension blasted into nothingness, and yes she will return as an alicorn.
"We blew her up!" Rainbow screams as she sifts through the scorched bits on the floor, "We blew her up! We were trying to help and we just blew her up! Why? Why? Did we have to kill her to get our Cutie Marks back?"
"Much as I'd love to see this hysteria play out," Nightmare says, "There's a dimensional anomaly at the center of that space."
"Rainbow pull back, there's a hole to another dimension at the center of that!" I shout over the wailing pegasus, "Fluttershy NO!" Before I can catch any of them, they all leap into the hole and vanish.
I frown as the realization forms. "You two do realize we're going to have at least one new alicorn, possible six," I say.
"How did you know I was here?" Discord asks.
"When you said you had no plan," I say as I confront Discord, "I knew you had a plan, and tripling the number of Alicorns would be just your game. And Nightmare quit gloating, I knew you had a hand in this as well."
"I intended for you to leap through and become an Alicorn," Nightmare says, "Then you'd have the power you need to adjust things."
"I'm adjusting things just fine without that," I say, figuring Discord can hear Nightmare, "And being almost immune to magic is a bigger power than flashy world-altering stuff I wouldn't be able to control."
"So, Twilight, or all of them?" Discord says as he rotates the blackboard that hadn't been there a moment ago and displays the odds. One-to-one for just Twilight, 6-to-1 for the entire Mane Six, 10e68-to-1 for Twilight and Gray Rock.
I walk over to Star Swirl's spell on Friendship. "I wonder if I'm as immune to magic as I think."
And I'm alone in the library, until Spike wanders in and facepalms. "I'll get the floor polisher," he says and wanders off.
"Must be nice to have that much faith," Nightmare comments.
"Can you imagine the crap he's been through to not freak out from an explosion of that size?" I ask, "Besides I have a commemorative plaque to design."
Suffice it to say that Celestia received the 'horrifying news' and the request for the plaque with mirth and some seriously sinister trolling of yours truly. Although the latter fell flat because I already knew the score. But I kept up appearances. Somehow the message got to Spike as he didn't freak out at the news of his comrade's untimely demise at the paws of Discord. No one will tell me how he figured it out, but he got it immediately as was soon egging me on.
I don't know if Alicorn Applejack is a thing, or if she'll even return. Who knows what she saw and experienced on transition. Twilight went through alone, the other five squeezed through a smaller hole all at the same time. They're all all right, or Celestia wouldn't have been trolling me, but I don't know her current state.
Journal Entry - 1A+61
Okay, nobody came back, and it is time to get some revenge on Discord and Princess Celestia for the little game they are playing. The Aztecs did so many 'interesting' things, especially their cosmology. It's time to ask a few innocent questions about the sun and the moon of Equestria. Bwahaha!
Yes, this plan is Nightmare approved, to wit, she's in a corner, rocking on her heels, mumbling to herself and singing a little lullaby.
"What have you done!" Princess Luna asks as Discord sits in the corner counting the hairs at the tip of his tail.
Princess Celestia is sitting on her throne staring off into the middle distance, either catatonic or deep in thought. The rest of the court are quietly discussing with each other.
"Bringing ponies together across class and occupation divides," I reply as I indicate several mixed groups clinging to their personal archetypes rather than their societally directed roles. A collection of nobles, guards, servants, foreign dignitaries and suppliants discussing the scholarly aspect. Another group of mixed Equestrians comforting those who'd completely broken down. A third seeing to the needs of those who'd completely shut down, i.e., getting them out of the usual traffic patterns, providing ice packs or smelling salts as required, and generally being care-givers. And the requisite group united in their utter outrage of the Aztec Five Suns question I'd asked Celestia and Discord in front of the entire court.
"You know showing that divisions are illusions and that everyBODY works together when a crisis or problem occurs," I tell Princess Luna.
"If you think you're getting another stained glass window for this, you're hopelessly wrong," Princess Luna says, low enough it was to me and me alone.
"I'll settle for an answer, is the Equestrian sun the first or was there a series of experiments," I ask Princess Luna.
I know intellectually that Princess Celestia can teleport, I'd just never seen it. She is beside Luna and has clamped her hands over Luna's ears before either of us could say more. "It's the first, there's never been another," Princess Celestia says, "Thank you Gray Rock for that wonderful intellectual enterprise, you may go now."
I bow and take the hint to take my leave, with a number of the 'kill him before he comes again' party following me out. Once the doors to the throne room are closed I ask my pursuers, "Have you heard about the tragedy of Darth Sidious?"
The two palace guards at the door might as well have been statues, and the rest of the group have decamped in various ways. All of them exceptionally expeditious. I shrug and leave singing Waltzing Godzilla .
Journal Entry - 1A+62
Yes, ponies have hate sex. I'm back in Canterlot. I'll say no more, cause I can barely move.
Journal Entry - 1A+63
I should clarify the above, Luna is still a virgin, and wanted a complete rundown on the Aztec Five Suns. She then hugged me, apologized and ran off. She cried in her room for two hours before firmly, not sternly, not angrily, firmly telling me that Equestria was not, never was and never would be like that. If the Elements of Harmony didn't see to it, she'd make common cause with Discord and Nightmare Moon to see to it.
Note, she'd almost said 'Tree of Harmony', but caught herself.
Second note, no Twilight, or any of the other Mane 6. I am starting to become concerned.
Journal Entry - 1A+64
Still no Mane 6 alicorned or not.
"Fuck!" I say as I look around at all the trolls wrapped in Plunder Vines. "Oh, fuck my life!" I say as I see Fizzle Berrypop, still hornless, trying to escape, but basically mummified in the vines. Her idiot assistant has his mouth wrapped shut and numerous toothmarks all over the vines holding her.
"Troll me will you?" Discord says from behind me.
"This battle would have been EPIC!" I shout at him as he buffs his claws against his chest.
"Yeah, and if you'd woken up, you could have watched, or taken part," Discord says, still grinning and examining his claws, "Too bad none of the sound reached you. Had to keep you safe for dear Celestia." Discord breathes on his claws and gives them another buff.
"You are evil," I say and get a grin in return, he sticks it in my pocket, "Are Celestia and Luna okay?"
He gestures down the hall that still has plunder vines all through it, some stand sentinel, others had wrapped up invaders and held them until the guards could deal with them. I head in that direction at a fast jog, dignity be damned I am checking on someone important.
The pounce from the ruler of Equestria is welcome, her happy chatter dissolves the moment I hug her back and snuggle against her.
"Discord said you were safe, but we hardly believed him," Luna says as she approaches, looking grim. She's bruised and smudged but she seems happy about it. "Discord's little trick blunted their attack, but there was hard fighting nonetheless. 'Let's us prance around feeling heroic'," Luna says and rolls her eyes.
Celestia finally says something intelligible, "I'm glad you're all right."
"Where are the Element Bearers?" I ask, "Are they back, or were they fighting elsewhere?"
Celestia tries to look innocent, but Luna blurts out, "They are learning the vagaries of alicorn status from one who was not born an alicorn. And no, only Twilight Sparkle ascended."
"I'm just glad you're all okay," I say, "Alicorn Applejack not withstanding, if she's an earth pony too, I'm glad she and Pinkie are there to teach her what earth ponies can really do."
Neither Diarch looks happy about that.
"I'm sure Twilight can't learn Pinkie's special talents," I say, "Well, relatively sure. Cadence probably could keep a lid on that, I think."
Celestia's mane doesn't quite do the unravel that Twilight's does, but it's a near thing.
"Oh dear," Luna says and chuckles into her hand.
"You!" Celestia says and hugs me again, lifting me off the ground in the process. I'm not complaining.
Journal Entry - 1A+65
Celestia, or maybe Royalty, is weird. After all the chaos and exertion of the day, which I only arrived to the aftermath of, when Celestia completed her day, she asked to give me a bath and massage. When I asked whether she wanted one herself she responded instantly 'NO!', then apologized. I acceded and while getting a wonderful massage, and a very lazy bath afterwards, she explained she never was allowed to do this, she could never serve others in this way. She could fight, or think, but never wash someone, cuddle them or massage them. Even Luna was afraid for their dignity and the rumor mill, but since I didn't care about those, I could just accept.
I corrected her that I did care, but knew the regular folk would think it wonderful, and the chattering class would want her to be as disconnected and heartless as they. They were afraid of her making them look bad.
I'd never gotten a handjob from a woman bawling her eyes out and trying to wrap herself around me like a constrictor snake. I heartily recommend it in the future. While I was elated at the time, as I sit here I have to wonder just how screwed up Celestia's life is that an alien under sentence of death, from her, is one of the few beings who she can emotionally and physically unload towards. Not her sister, not her student, and not her peers, nobody, just me. I'm beginning to get the feeling our trappings were very different, but the resulting brokenness is the same.
Journal Entry - 1A+67
I slept in yesterday, sue me. If you can't figure out why go fuck yourself I ain't explaining it. And for you grammar Nazis am not is properly contracted to 'ain't', so it was correct, albeit archaic usage, so you can go fuck yourself too.
Okay, after I wrote the above, I took a couple hours and calmed down. Hearing what Celestia was put through in the early days, and during various periods of her life pissed me off. Not just from the similarity, but from the differences. I was the low man on the totem pole with no way to fight back except noninteraction. She was the top and that didn't stop the carping from entitled bastards who she had the right and the means to throw into a volcano for their words and deeds. I found out that while Blueblood is not terribly bright, and often clueless, he often hears about outrageous demands, takes them to their logical extremes, with help from his butler and valet, and proposes them to Celestia in open court.
When the whole court laughs him and his idea out of town, that diffuses the energy. Yes diffuses not defuses, the scheming is still there, but it has to coalesce into a new plan and a new coalition. Blueblood know he's the face of his two schemers, all three are staunch Celestia-partisans, and they let me in on the process. Blueblood is let in at the ending stages because they need an easily-manipulated figurehead who is next in line after the alicorns, but Blueblood really doesn't want the job. So he accidentally blows the whole thing wide open. Equestrian politics. Hell, politics of any sort. They all think they are so clever and the idea will never twist in their hands.
Journal Entry - 1A+68
Applejack and the others returned, Enlightened but unalicorned. Only Twilight is an alicorn, so I collected my 50 bits and continued.
But Applejack took me out to the farthest corner of the farm and asked about my household. She brought Rarity with, so something serious is going on. I told them, the complete and unvarnished truth, and neither of them burst into tears or screamed denials or anything else. I am vaguely suspicious that they looked in on my past when they were in the alicorning chamber, and were verifying both what they saw, and my veracity in communicating it.
They were both pretty shaken and Rarity said she was going to have Spike send the letter to Princess Luna. Considering I never mentioned that to Rarity, and I doubt Applejack did, I think the Enlightenment gave them that information and Rarity wasn't going to say they knew, but wanted me to suspect it.
I have never seen Applejack so nervous and withdrawn.
"Hey," I say softly and watch Applejack flinch, "What's wrong?"
"After all of that, how can you not hate me?" Applejack asks.
"You didn't do it to me, your species didn't do it to me," I explain as I take her hand, "And you, Celestia and Nightmare have helped me deal with it. I'm never going home, not back to them, they are dead to me, but I'm not going to take revenge over something you Equestrians had nothing to do with. And the three of you are immensely different from the people who tortured me for their own amusement."
"So?" she asks as she puts her arms around my shoulders, "Wanna look at clouds?" She pull me atop her as she lays on the grass.
"Just want to enjoy you're back," I tell her as I wrap my arms around her waist.
"How about my front," she says and pulls me up so I pillowing my head on her breasts. She then does a good impression of a Venus Fly Trap as her arms and legs close in.
I settle in to enjoy the feeling. I think I hear Nightmare taking notes, or Twilight, pen scratching on paper sounds the same. I enjoy the sound of her heartbeat and the happy little noises she makes.
I found out later that while Twilight was getting alicorned, the others decided to look into my past, just for informational purposes, not to see what kind of girls I liked. Fluttershy got violently ill, Rainbow got violent, Pinkie started crying, and Applejack reported that Rarity got the scariest, calm expression she'd ever seen. Rarity revealed that she would have been frightened of Applejack's expression if it hadn't mirrored her own. The pair decided to do something about that, beyond rescuing me from Nightmare, as they realized Nightmare was a rescue compared to my previous life.
While it promises to be interesting, I'm actually worried about what Pinkie will do. Her preRainboom trauma was boredom, not abuse like Fluttershy, Rainbow and to a lesser extent Rarity. People tend to assume people are like them, and that's rarely the case. Despite sexual dimorphism among ponies being similar to that among humans, ponies reverse it as mares being the expendable gender. Men had wars and adventures because losing 90% of a village's men would only affect social mores for a generation or two, the same number of kids would be born. Lose 90% of the females and you're looking at a possible extinction. But ponies send out females to more dangerous places than males. Now Celestia and Luna may set the trend, making female heroism a social construct, but they are both extremely long-lived, durable and may be out of their fertile window, so they have nothing genetically to add to the species. The Shining Path was not defeated by the government troops, it was defeated by arming every grandmother in the villages they preyed upon for support. Women with no direct genetic contribution, but a real stake in preserving their genetic legacy, their grandkids. Do not underestimate the power of gun-toting grandmothers who know the terrain. Or the stories of the fates of the tough, young men who fall into their clutches. Read reports of the AmerInds, it wasn't fear of the braves, it was fear of the old squaws that set the experienced mountain men's, traders' and missionaries' hair on end.
I've got to put something like that in the other journal and watch Clear Brook ricochet off the walls of her office. I'm not completely domesticated.
Journal Entry - 1A+69
Applejack evidently shared, an expurgated version I hope, a tale of my previous life. Mac and Bloom are wavering between wary and sympathetic. Granny looks like if she ever caught my household, there'd be a wailing and gnashing of teeth. Me, I had a simpler way to deal with it.
"Now you know why I never mentioned it," I told them as we got the pre-breakfast chores underway, "And why I was happy to be in such an alien land."
"Did they really . . . ?" Bloom started and couldn't finish.
"I don't know, and I don't think you should think about it too much," I told her as I squatted so we were face-to-face, "You've been bullied, now you know you can tell me about it and I'll know how you feel. As for the rest, maybe you can understand why I planned to leave and never look back."
There was an uncomfortable silence among them as they sought words to fill the void.
"Don't change who you are because of this," I told them, "It's over, they can't reach me. I chose to be here, and then you chose to let me stay. What happened made me who I was, but coming here made me who I am. I have had plenty of opportunities to walk away, but I like you, I like the work, and I want to continue."
Granny smiled and urged everyone back to work. We got breakfast served, Applebloom off to school and the tools laid out for the day's work.
There were a few more revelations that day, that the Bearers had let a few people in on the secret history of Gray Rock. Fortunately, Celestia was not among them. She already knew or accepted she couldn't fix it was not the point, she understood I had to heal at my own rate.
I rather hope that none of this revelation comes as a complete surprise to Dr. Clear Brook, or I'll lose a lot of faith in her. In fact I should just ask her point blank, 'is this a surprise or just confirmation of your suspicions'. I'll let you know how that turns out.
Let's just say there was one revelation that shocked and surprised me. One I struggled not to throw back in the petitionary's face. Maybe I have grown up a little.
I was glad neither Mac nor Applejack were there when Luna flew in and landed. I gave her a bow, but 'not on bended knee' was my policy. "Your Highness."
"I fear there has been a misunderstanding between us," Luna said, as she removed her crown and placed it in the bag she was carrying.
"I think we understood each other," I replied, "I just think you didn't know my history. I know the human philosopher who said 'The struggle of forgiving those around you for having your own worst traits.'"
"Hippodomenes, 'The Enlightenment is forgiving others of what you despise in yourself'," Luna said, "I discounted that your anger was in any way justified. But I am not here to spar with you. But I want to know, how do you do it? Keep your anger in check?"
I reined in my first three replies, and managed to keep my tone civil as I answered her question, as she actually wanted to know. "As I've said earlier, ditch that stupid chunk of metal and all the bogus claims to it and about it, and be your sister's sister. Go have fun together, have a friendly contest, heck have a pillow fight or a splash contest in the bath. And if someone raises a stink about your 'dignity', if they work for you cashier them, if they're in the chattering class kick them out of the press briefings and parties, and if they're someone you used to respect apologize."
"Apologize?" she asked.
"I'm sorry your parents failed to raise you right, I'm sorry your congenital stupidity and selfishness precludes you from being able to have fun, and I'm sorry I can't swiftly put you out of your misery," I said, "It's the thought that counts."
Luna started laughing, really laughing, then as quickly as it started, it stopped. "There's another reason I hate you, and it isn't just that Celestia loves you so much, I'm green-eyed about that, but it's a small thing," Luna said, "It's not fair to you and her that I'm so jealous, but I am. I'm jealous that a stripling like you made common cause with Nightmare, and she overwhelmed me in a trice."
"Luna, Nightmare did not exist before your influence, you faced the Nightmare Forces. I had a sentient being to cajole and make common cause with," I told her, "You did far more that you know. You couldn't save yourself, but you saved her, Nightmare. Celestia couldn't save you, but The Element Bearers could. Now you are going to have to save Princess Luna from her darkness, but you're going to have to let Celestia lead the way."
Luna sniffled. "Excuse me, I know you hate to see women cry."
"I hate it when it doesn't mean anything," I said, "And I can tell the difference between happy tears and crocodile tears."
Luna sobbed her heart out on my shoulder. I could tell this wasn't faked or manipulative. I might be harsh, but I was trying to help her, and she'd let everyone else control her interaction with her sister, even in private.
I did tell her to get Discord involved, and Blueblood, after all an insurrection has to have a scapegoat.
Journal Entry - 1A+70
The feather pillow battle of Canterlot has commenced. Luna's guards against Celestia's. The Mane 5 with Luna, Twilight with Celestia. Until at a critical moment they turned on their 'leaders' and took the throne.
Officially it was a freeform wargame, with Princess Cadence and Shining Armor as refs and getting their guards trained. Blueblood was in rare form, chewing scenery, making outlandish threats, leading hopeless charges, and dying honorably defending Princess Celestia from her traitorous student. The guy deserves an award.
What was I doing? Working the popcorn concession with Discord. I wasn't going to take sides.
Note, once Fluttershy realized it was all a game where nopony was supposed to get hurt, she went from Private Pansy to Commander Hurricane Squared. When some soldiers wanted to go home to deal with domestic emergencies, she actually ordered a decimation, that is dividing the army into circles of 10, every 10 soldiers pulled lots, the one losing was killed by the other nine. Of course the dead got to go home to deal with things, so the picking was rigged, but suggesting then insisting on it still shocked everypo -everybody, even Discord.
"Thus be it to traitors to the Lunar Crown!" Fluttershy shouted, then laughed maniacally as everypony who'd needed to go home early trooped off.
Shining Armor's jaw hung open, Discord's eyes were wide while his pupils were tiny. Celestia turned to her own captain and suggested the same, her captain replied quietly that they should just be shot.
Fluttershy laughed maniacally again, "Your weakness shows why you will lose, but you will survive, if it's all right with me." Cue more maniacal laughter. She even managed on ominous thunderclap.
The sound of Discord hitting the floor a piece at a time couldn't quite overshadow the laughter of Commander Fluttershy. Nightmare was in love, I could feel it.
"Oh noes! It's Nightmare Shudder-Fly!" I shrieked.
My answer was more maniacal laughter.
The afterwar debrief had Fluttershy back to normal, but I honestly think that girl reminded everypony that she's so nice, because she chooses to be, not because she has to. The outright fear in the eyes of some of the movers and shakers in Canterlot over this bumpkin cat-lady brought a swiftly hidden grin to the Princesses' faces.
Of course Blueblood took her aside to learn how to do that laugh properly, then kissed her hand. Completely different outcome than his date with Rarity at the Gala. Of course he whispered something to Fluttershy, who giggled and galloped off to share it with Rarity. Whatever it was, it had them in stitches in moments.
Blueblood walked through the hall and out into the garden, practicing the laugh. The soldiers looked on with wry amusement, the hangers on clearly thought he'd finally flipped, and Princess Celestia looked like one poke and she'd burst into a cloud of laughter.
All in all, a good couple days' work. It did point out a few flaws in Canterlot Security, and it introduced me to a new member of my security detail.
"I'm sorry to see you go," I said as I shook Captain Balustrade's hand.
"I'm not 'going' anywhere," the pegasus said, "I'm retiring to Ponyville and setting up a woodworking shop. It's just that I won't be in the official chain of command."
I leaned close. "And Celestia needs a spy to keep an eye on Twilight," I whispered.
The old stallion grinned. "I can neither confirm, nor deny."
"Bingo!" Nightmare said.
Glad to have you back, I thought, After Fluttershy went all Bison-y, I thought you'd be buying Fluttershy pillows and rubbing yourself raw.
"My love for her is a higher, purer thing," Nightmare said and sniffed disdainfully.
Ah, a new host, I thought, and ignored Nightmare's angry muttering, Rarity will be so put out.
"Can't I have both?" Nightmare asked and filled my mind's eye with the image of chibi-Nightmare with big liquid eyes.
The approaching unicorn snapped me back to the here and now. "Soldier Berrypop," I said, "I see I was right about Discord returning horns."
"I didn't fight you, during the, ah . . . " she asked, no longer the aggressive military leader, which was a bit of a shame, I liked that about her.
"No, Discord kept me out of it," I said, "If you'd waited until the plunder vine were cleared, you might have done better."
"Maybe," she said with a touch of the old fire back, "But who knew about them?"
I shrugged.
"I was dreading rooming with Fluttershy," Berrypop said, "Now I think I've got my work cut out for me."
"Penal detail?" I asked.
"Don't you have the Princess and Applejack?" Berrypop asked and smiled.
"Careful, Nightmare may add you to her list of potential hosts," I warned and smiled.
The restored unicorn laughed.
Journal Entry - 1A+71
Advantage with having a math obsessed - colleague. Twilig Snickersnack did the calculation and even barring geranium time, I'm legal. Booze you cretins, booze.
"Negative eight hundred and thirty-seven and a half bottles of beer on the wall negative eight hundred and thirty-seven and a half bottles of beer," I sang, and yes I am very drunk.
"Take one down, pass it around, negative eight hundred and thirty-eight and a half bottles of beer on the wall!" Applejack sang as Celestia, who'd only had a half-bottle since she'd be working in a few hours, guided/carried us through the corridors.
"Negative eight hundred and thirty-eight and a half bottles of beer on the wall negative eight hundred and thirty-eight and a half bottles of beer," I sang, and noted it didn't exactly go tripping off the tongue.
"Take one down, pass it around, negative eight hundred and thirty-nine and a half bottles of beer on the wall!" Applejack sang.
"Wouldn't a negative beer plus a positive beer make an explosion?" Nightmare asked.
"Heresy!" I cried, "Positive beer is all the beer should be, bubbly, sparkly and beer! Neigh - gative beer on the other hoof, is that skunky, warm stuff that, that, that is - "
"The beer you wish you didn't have!" Applejack supplied, "You talkin' outloud to Neighmare, ha ha ha, I see whatcha did there, makes ponies think you're crazy."
"Ha, I am crazy!? I'll have you know that - " I said and staggered up to my foe, "I have the love of the three most desireabable mares on the planet, and the abject hatred of the third which makes foursomes a possibility."
"Three plus one, plus you makes five," Celestia said.
"Which is why you run the entire kingsom, and I run my love life," I explained sagely, "Five of you would kill me."
"You'd die happy though," Applejack said and leaned heavily against Celestia, "And aren't there two of you, I never could see both of you before." She rubbed against Celestia. "Snuggly."
"You know, I just realize realized," I said as I stopped and stood, sageness rolling off of me in waves, "Nightmare isn't your sister, not generically, not spiricully, not actually, not morally, not in any way-ly."
" 'Course Nightmare isn't my sister," Applejack said, "If'n she was, I'd staked her out fer the Timberwolves. No manner which, we'd win."
"Which what?" Celestia asked as she collected me so we could keep walking, because as badly as the floor was rocking I wasn't going to walk across it unaided.
"Which what who?" Applejack asked.
"Which what who why?" I asked.
A swat on the butt to both of us preceded, "Enough of that," Princess Celestia said, "Staking Nightmare for the Timberwolves, 'no manner which'."
"Sometime you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you," Applejack said.
"In Soviet Russia the eat bears you," I replied, "Isn't that how Athena came around?"
"Who's Athena, your grandmother?" Applejack asked.
"Figure out of legend," I said.
"With a legendary figure?" Celestia asked.
"That's Steven Hawkings," I replied, "Or Albert Einstein. One of them figured it all out."
We proceeded through the doorway to Celestia's chambers with Celestia's chuckles accompanying us.
"Bed!" Applejack announced before tackling it and holding it still so I could flop down, beside it
Applejack you had one job, I thought.
" 'S not as snugly as Celestia, why'zaty?" Applejack said, tried to raise off the bed, but it had too tight a grip on her.
A hoof, approximately Applejack-colored appeared and I seized it, carrying out my master plan.
"NO!" Applejack howled as I ran my finger over the center. She pulled the hoof back and me into the bed.
I released her hoof. "Ha, my plan worked!" I exulted, then Applejack tackled me.
"Still not as snugly as Celestia," Applejack, said, "Am I ruined for snuggles forever? Woe is me."
"Very well," Celestia said as she lay down beside us. Applejack abandoned me, but I got my revenge by snuggling Celestia.
"The best revenge is living well," I announced, answered by Applejack's snoring.
Gray Rock - Close With the Enemy And . . .
Gray Rock 2 - Part 2
"You have no idea how much I despise you and your perverted nature at this moment," Princess Luna tells me.
I'm a good boy because I don't squeak my wet fingers across her rubbery body and give her a few strokes of the foot pump. The last time I did that her eyes rolled up in her head and her knees got rubberier than they had been. I satisfied myself with one pump and a wipe with a soapy rag to look for yet more leaks.
Luna is currently an animated inflatable. She used her powers to adjust herself so her hull is as thick as a wetsuit, rather than the thin vinyl the central altar of this space had turned her into. Considering she's covered with patches, you can guess how well that went. The armor Nightmare gave me to protect my flesh and blood frame was barely adequate for the task of carefully removing her deflated form from the brambles.
"The opinion of a reinforced balloon who forced herself through Bougainvillea, Roses and other thorn bushes is always valuable," I tell her, "As for the glare, we both know that the instant you're awake, you'll have me dragged out of my bed, thrown in a cage to hang from the castle's walls where ravens will peck out my eyes and tongue. The only reason I'm helping you is that your death would upset Celestia."
Luna gulps and shuts off the death glare, although her irritation that I'm treating her as a machine under repair grinds her gears. She's always been cute, but always the boyish or teeny-bopper one compared to Celestia. In her normal form, if she wore a baggy sweatshirt to her hips it would be difficult to tell if she were a mare or stallion, while Celestia would make it obvious which she was. Now I'm rubbing my hands on her with all the romance of bandaging an injured pet. A stream of bubbles gets slight deflation, a wipe with a clean rag, and a patch. She's a knockout, and I'm basically treating her as my kid-sister's bike tire.
I think her form looks like what Nightmare was trying to achieve, but the latter overcompensated for her inferiority complex. Compared to Nightmare, Luna's currently narrower at the hip and shoulder, a bit thicker at the waist, her breasts are firm pillows instead of nosecones, and while her coloration hasn't changed, her fur is gone. None of the good stuff is visible, instead of nipples she has a small flange covering a recessed inflation cap like a risque sling suit or a very oversized pasty, and she has another at her hip in the middle of her cutie mark. And I'm not reacting in the least. Part of my training. You don't give drama queens an inch.
"That should be enough to get you out of here." I disconnect the pump and cap her hip nozzle, snapping the flange cap back on. "And just to make this clear, this isn't my perversion, this is Nightmare's nightmare, it's clearly labeled as such on the doors you went through. This is one of the things she's most afraid of," I tell Luna as we head towards the exit.
"Why would she be afraid of this?" Luna asks.
"Same reason you are," I tell her, "The thought of having to depend on another for rescue, the worry about being hurt and immediately rendered helpless. And the orgiastic feeling of being restored. Except Nightmare could respond to that restoration as she had holes between her legs your form lacks. Interesting comment on your sexual identity."
"You dare!" she shouts and tries to tower over me, forgetting she only weighs a few pounds now. She bounces along the path and I walk to catch up as she's clambering to her feet.
"Tell you what, I won't tell Nightmare about what a squeak and pump do to you, if - " I tell her and grin.
Her radiant defiance last for a few seconds, until I add, "She should have finished eating the Tantabus you created. Sackcloth and ashes too plebeian, you had to create your own Nightmare Forces as self-flagellation?"
"You invaded my dreams?" she cries out.
I glance around. "You're here, through seven doors. Isn't that the same?" I ask, "As I was saying, I won't tell Nightmare, if - you accede to my demands."
"I don't have any holes down there," she replies, the dictionary definition of smarmy.
"One, you'll be restored once we're out of the nightmare path. Two, Applejack and Celestia could deal with that problem easily. Three, eww, why cheat on Celestia, Nightmare and Applejack? That's like getting flying advice by ignoring Fleetfoot to listen to a quadriplegic Earth Pony." Before she can explode I add, "If I don't hear about you and Celestia having a picnic or low tea or whatever informal sisters-only bonding meal within a week, and if I don't hear about a pillow fight or tickle fight between you and your sister within a month, I'll tell not only Nightmare about your little enjoyment, I'll walk into Tartarus and tell all the denizens there about it."
The look of horror on her face is classic.
"What of the Tantabus?" she asks to change the subject.
"Yes, imagine what would have happened if I'd continued blowing you up by mouth," I say as I walk. I stop beside a door, wait for her to run through and close the door to Nightmare's nightmares. Once it's closed, Luna returns to normal. "Sure you don't want to pick up some dirt on me?" I ask and point to the door labeled 'His perversions'. She's gone when I glance back. "Your loss." I head through the door. Nightmare and I thoroughly explored all these when I was a geranium. I know where she'll be.
Nightmare was washing down the remains of the ersatz nightmare force with some tea, brewed by Celestia. Not the humanoid local, the canon, winged unicorn. They seem to be chatting amiably as Celestia is doing some stretches.
They knew I was coming, I realize.
"Grey Rock," Celestia says as she practically jumps to me, leaving a neat pile of her regalia behind.
"Why do I know you spelled it with an 'e'?" I ask as I brace myself for her inevitable greeting.
She thrusts her head between my legs and I'm sliding down her neck a moment later as she giggles. I don't know how big canon Celestia is, there are only clever guesses, but this Celestia is the size of a thoroughbred race horse, and just as fast. As her mane wraps around me better than any seatbelt, she accelerates to a gallop and goes tearing through the meadow of this dream space. Once I'm lying on her back with my arms around her neck she takes off straight into a flying routine that would have Rainbow crying in hopeless envy in moments.
Why is this my perversion? Strong, well-muscled, still feminine female those muscles flexing and straining beneath me. The exhilaration of danger yet the knowledge of safety. The perfect balance of Mother, Madonna and Whore, with the added bonus of battlefield companion.
After living my whole life with 'Strong, Independent Women' who ran back to often awful men at the first sign of adversity, experiencing the real thing, who actively wants to prove herself to me has became a fetish when I met Celestia in the flesh.
What we do together in the clouds is noponies business, dreams are private, except to Luna and she turned it down.
Journal Entry - 1A+19 (Actually transcribed over much later)
It was a very shaken panel that called me in to interview that morning. My legal team was there, and the rulers were all on edge. Chief Thunderhooves was the only one who seemed serene about it. The three equanoids looked differing varieties of nervous. Ember looked like she wanted to kill me, ball me, or both and was openly hostile because of it. Heh, teenagers. Note they were all similar to the ponies, humanoid with animal characteristics. So I wouldn't have tossed Ember out of bed for eating cookies. The difference between the buffalo and the zebra was very stark, a retired but still active power lifter and a still competing long-distance runner. The Philosopher-King, Zakuru May the Light Shine On His Name (the first word is his name, the last bit is his actual title, Philosopher-King it is) seemed less philosopher and more scared kid away at camp for the first time. The regal robes would have had Rarity gouge her eyes out and beat herself to death with them. I remember they painted ships like that during the war, but not in bright colors like that.
Thunderhooves had a pair of slacks and his headdress, no shirt. The guy might be old but he could still pull off that look. Although the fur helped.
Luna was wearing something that stole from every bad fashion trope from the last 1500 years. Then I reminded myself that ponies dressed to impress, and something that looked like you couldn't take two steps without breaking something and needed an army of servants to put on and take off screamed 'I don't have to work'. A big deal for nobles.
Ember was completely naked, although there wasn't anything to see. A buxom porn star wearing a skin-tight crocodile costume sums her up. She was also trying to play social climber with Luna, so I decided not to twit Moonbutt about her ridiculous get-up since it was getting Ember's goat. That and last night's adventure had me on thin ice with her anyway.
"Impressive," Thunderhooves said, and seemed to have had his say.
"Why did you not get an entire battle force involved in the village once you'd seen it?" Zakuru asked, "I know you thought you'd called up the Equestrian military, but once you knew it was a village and not a lonesome device, why didn't you call for reinforcements?"
"I had no authority to," I replied and hoped my eyes wouldn't start bleeding looking at his ceremonial garb, "The leaders of our expedition were Doctor Clear Brook and Captain Balustrade, they made the decision to go in. My input was noted, but I am not privy to their thinking."
"Certainly you could have used Nightmare's power to compel them," Zakuru said.
I ignored Luna's horrified expression and answered simply, "Even if I could, it would have been wrong. Morally it is wrong to use compulsion, tactically I would be pitting my recent and minuscule knowledge of pony society against their years of expertise, and for Friendship I have to trust them. Even if I knew that it was not a good idea, they might have known it had to be tried and had a decent chance of success. To compel someone when you aren't sure is flat out stupid, and that's one thing I strive not to be."
"In hind-sight," Luna said, "They would give more weight to his arguments."
A small bone, but a bone none-the-less. I nodded to Luna.
"What is the nature of your people?" Chief Thunderhooves said, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"My people are so varied that the answer cannot be universal. There are people who simply want to see the world burn, there are people who would die before seeing another injured, there are the bravest, and cowards, those who wear the cloak of virtue but are the vilest villains, and villains of the darkest stripe who are the most magnanimous and gentle. Most are within these extremes, but given the right circumstances, many can ascend the heights or plunge to the depths, and return to being ordinary after that."
"You are not bound by destiny?" the Chief said.
I'm beginning to think Chief Thunderhooves should be the philosopher-king, not the jumpy zebra. "Some believe they are, others believe they are not. We don't have Cutie Marks and our lack does not free us from destiny. Mainly people are bound by what they believe."
"And what do you believe?" the chief asked, having led me along the path, now we got the question he really wanted answered.
"I'm a very angry, young man who has the lightest and darkest ponies in coopetition for the preservation of my soul. Nightmare desires to continue her interaction with the world. Celestia want to find a reason for Princess Celestia to spare me. Neither agrees with method, and neither can be civil for a long period of time with the other, but both agree on the goal. My abuse by my household should be known to you and my desire to hit back against those who would hurt me is a pronounced but not my finest trait. It also makes it hard for me to trust good intentions are the driving force for any action. But I am learning that this is not home, and there is a sea change happening with the help of many of the honestly friendly people of this world."
"What do I want? I'm a young man and have you considered the aesthetics of Princess Celestia?" I said, "Well Nightmare's as good looking in a different way, and there's another less exotic pony who's got my interest. In my original world, I was planning on being a soldier, but that was a means to escape my household rather than a goal in itself, so I guess I'm still finding out what I want."
"Overcoming your darker side and searching for who you are, are good signs to start with," Zakuru said, trying to sound as wise as Thunderhooves, but still sounding like the gang leader's chief sycophant rather than a person with their own ideas.
I really don't like Mister Pretentious over there, I thought to Nightmare.
"They're ALL like that," Nightmare replied, "Why do you think Zecora left and stayed gone?" I was glad no one could hear her but me.
Those with enlightenment don't like competing with the faux enlightened ones in eye-searing robes? I questioned Nightmare.
"Close enough," Nightmare answered.
There were discussions, arguments, point-counterpoint, rhetoric, and several near-fistfights, yes fists Ember's mostly, about the morality of attacking a helpless opponent you had no chance of defeating in fair combat. Basically, it revolved around the whys and rescuing friends who were being tortured seemed acceptable, while freeing the other citizens of the town was not. Let's just say that I can see why the interventions requiring the Princesses to personally step in make more sense. 'If you got yourself into the hole, it's up to you to get yourself out' seems a pretty widely held belief. And the rulers owned the international holes entirely.
There's good and bad to both ends of that. I was sent back to my cell, and Mao-Tse-Pony was back in full song that she was going to get her horn back, then hunt down me and my loved ones, and make them suffer.
"You mean you're goings to ties us to chairs and makes us listen to you talk," I say as I climb into my bunk. Despite not getting the emotional pounding Mao-Tse-Pony did, I am still exhausted. "That's the scariestest thing I've ever heard anycorn say, no strike that you aren't an alicorn. Instead you'd have us asleep in two to three minutes, so keep talking."
She screams and tries to yank the bars off their foundations.
"Nope, still boring, even watching your tits bounce is boring, how did you manage that?" I ask.
If she gets an aneurism, am I a murderer? I wonder as she reacts to my question.
"One can only hope," Nightmare replies.
Journal Entry - 1A+20 (Actually transcribed over much later)
I should be pretentious and call this 'The Day' or some-such, but it was merely the first time both Mao-Tse-Pony and I went before the panel together. As soon as she came in sight of them, the waterworks started, she accused me of all sorts of heinous crimes and threats, said I'd done more than merely cut off her horn, all of it after I'd cut off her horn.
The panel reacted with shock, outrage, glares and promises to make things right.
I should be doubting the intelligence of these learned sages, but I want to see where this is going.
"That's awful!" Cadence says.
"Unforgivable," Zakuru adds.
"You poor thing!" Luna says.
"Such a cruel world!" Chief Thunderhooves says.
"The fire shall avenge," Ember says and blows a blast of flame at the distant ceiling.
While Mao-Tse-Pony weeps piteously, trying for the local Tony-equivalent for a live performance, the five rulers stare at me.
"I also called her fat," I say, "After she threatened to hunt down and punish my loved ones."
"That's awful!" Zakuru says.
"Unforgivable," Luna adds.
"You poor thing!" Ember says.
"Such a cruel world!" Cadence says.
"The fire shall avenge," Chief Thunderhooves says and bows head against the conference table, "You forgot to mention calling her tits boring."
It takes Starlight a few seconds to realize the jig is up. "That was a private conversation," Starlight gasps.
"Between prisoners?" I ask, "With you screaming loud enough they heard you in the Crystal Empire? How could you assume that was private?" I don't know if she came out of the box that stupid or if she'd convinced herself that other rulers would follow such a moronic line of thinking.
She's stammering her reply when Discord walks in with a rather shriveled expression on his face.
"In a well-used, lime bucket, really?" he asks, "I'm going to start from scratch, even I couldn't get rid of the smell."
Starlight gives a grin that she's won despite all evidence to the contrary. A moment later she has her horn back, and is younger than the Crusaders. She looks around blankly, as I realize Discord didn't just transform her, he reset her back to her age at her start of darkness.
If they assign her to me to raise, I tell Nightmare, I'm jumping straight out the window onto the spikiest object I can find. I step back carefully, aware of the fuze being lit and what is about to happen.
"No problem," Nightmare says, the only one audible over the wails of despair coming out of the foal.
The foal was shunted off to some royal functionary or other and I frankly don't care what they did with her after that. Strike that, if they dropped her on me or the Apples there's going to be a murder-suicide. The rulers again pronounced me 'mostly harmless' and I too was free to return to Ponyville. Princess Luna was about to say something when her eye started twitching and she left the hall as fast as decorum and her ridiculous costume would permit.
Chief Thunderhooves reiterated the request that at my earliest opportunity I should sweep their lands. I gave a quick bow and said I'd work it out with the family I was living with. Then I was escorted back to my cell for a good night's sleep and to let the functionaries put everything in order for my return.
I didn't see Celestia before I nodded off, and I half-expected to see Luna after I did. Seeing Celestia and Applejack once I was firmly asleep was a surprise.
"This place is big," I hear Applejack say as she rubbernecks, the faint echo coming back at her.
"More is hidden than you see here," Nightmare replies as I approach, and all three faces brighten: Applejack, Nightmare and Celestia. Neither Nightmare nor Celestia are wearing their regalia, in fact none of them are wearing more than their fuzz. Applejack seems mildly embarrassed by this, even more-so when I sit down next to her.
"So, you all know you're dreaming right?" I ask.
Celestia and Nightmare nod, Applejack just blushes and rubs her hands over each other.
"Since they were having pornographic dreams about you, I thought they might include you," Nightmare says, and adds Celestia to the furiously blushing crowd. Which now includes me.
"Uh, thank you," I manage as Applejack seems to want to hide behind me.
"She was washing you," Nightmare says, which has Applejack scoot to the side faster than Dash or Twilight could move.
"Celestia's dreams were more worrying," Nightmare says, sympathetically, sympathetically for Nightmare at least.
As Celestia blushes and stares at her lap, I hook Applejack's arm and urge her to follow me to Celestia's side. She leans against Celestia from one side as she sits down, while I lean in from the other when I'm seated. Celestia is now a darker pink than Cadence, but wraps her wings around us and holds us tight against her as we put our arms around Celestia's waist.
"Tell them," Nightmare says, more urging than commanding, but with the implication of 'or I will'.
"Nightmare can be a bit rough, but she means well," I explain.
"I mean well, no, I mean really well," Nightmare says, eliciting a laugh from the other two mares.
"I heard there was a dangerous prisoner who'd been captured and was in maximum security," Celestia explained, and we were following Celestia's dream image at a dead run through the corridors of Canterlot's prison.
The dream image was in third-person, us four following Dream-Celestia at a dead run. I suspect the servants would go mad if they ever caught her going quicker than a fast walk. Watching the famous Sunbutt as she runs is delightful. I want to take a few sidelong glances at the effect of running that way has on my companions, but colliding with a wall or statue isn't worth it. Besides the mental image we project here doesn't have to follow real or video-game physics.
The corridor rapidly goes from paint and marble to dressed stone to carved rock, and ends in a huge door. The guards' challenges are perfunctory, but they won't budge until Dream-Celestia goes through them all. They pay no attention to us.
The door's opening emits a blast of cold sufficient to pierce our veil of unreality. Dream-Celestia rushes ahead, heedless of the cold, while we shiver in her wake. The door closing galvanizes us to rush forward. The cell is the most convoluted thing I've seen in Equestria.
"Why have this, when you have Tartarus?" I ask, and enjoy the wince at my Zecoraism. The cell appears to be glass or crystal, transparent, and constrained by eight chains, one at each corner of the rectangular solid, suspending it and preventing it from moving up. The walkway to the cell ends near a hatch in the top. Dream-Celestia is opening that, with her hands, making it seem magic doesn't affect the crystal, or magic is neutralized in the area. The cell itself is the size of a four car garage. Enough living space to put someone in and leave them there forever.
In the far corner is me, naked and chained ankles to wrists so I'm standing on a shirt, hunched over. The wounds on the figure's back have crusted over, but the bruises are still a vivid purple. Dream-Celestia and prisoner-me have a conversation.
"Evidently, the prisoner had entered the final state of hypothermia," Celestia says.
"The which?" Applejack asks.
"Hypothermia is when your body temperature drops, so you start shivering to make more heat, blood starts concentrating in your core to keep warm, but in the final stage the body gives up and lets the warm blood back to the surface and the people think they're too hot while they are dying from the cold. So you can find frozen people who've taken most of their clothes off."
"Nothing I could do could save you," Celestia says as Dream-Celestia breaks the chains and pulls the prisoner-me tight against her with her arms and wings.
Then we're back in the anteroom.
"No need to watch her abase herself and him die anyway," Nightmare says, then chuckles at Celestia's relief and Applejack's embarrassment, "Yes?"
"Bessy ate ya," Applejack says, "I brought ya out for some fresh air and rain, and when I brought the watering can, Bessy was munching away beside the empty flower pot."
Nightmare starts laughing. "Less elaborate, but just as horrifying."
"Don't worry Celesta, Applejack and I will let you prove you're warm and fluffy," I tell her, and watch her almost color to Applejack's hue, while Applejack goes to nearly brown.
Nightmare, of course, is laughing so hard she can barely stand.
"Then we'll compare and contrast Nightmare," I say.
Nightmare quits laughing and pales to Celestia's current hue. While neither Applejack nor Celestia are quite laughing at Nightmare, the appraising looks are verging towards that.
There was a lot more than snuggling going on, but nothing actually got consummated, except verifying that Nightmare is most ticklish pony, and both Applejack and Celestia have a competitive, sadistic streak when it comes to tickle fights. Once they had Nightmare at their mercy, they demonstrated that they understand that forcing pleasure on Nightmare is worse than hitting her.
They also showed their sadistic streak when they didn't offer up any solace to me. Read between the lines, you're adults. All in all, it was a good first step to eventual peace among them. Although Celestia and Applejack are planning something, whether it involves me or not I need to worry about.
Journal Entry - 1A+28
I've been busy, shoot me.
Peeling Clear Brook off the ceiling when she read the expurgated version of events in my 'read by Equestrians' journal took some time. I was a bit more explicit about what Starlight said about me, Princess Celestia and her plans there than here. That's what set off Clear Brook, as a loyal soldier of Princess Celestia, and a psychologist/psychiatrist. They don't separate the two as strongly as they do on Earth.
So she dragged me and Capt. Balustrade back to Equalsville to oversee the psychological damage done the ponies there. And I thought I was messed up by my household. Some of these ponies are so messed up, they actually want Mao-Tse-Pony back and in charge.
So there was some role reversal, as I was playing dumping ground for Clear Brook as she tried to help these ponies. It was the attempted suicide that put her over the edge and into full-blown Cutie-Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome, Balustrade had to use her own sedatives on her and drag her back to Ponyville. Then we let her loose on a Timberwolf. There's my and Nightmare's rage issues, then there's Clear Brook's. The poor, old girl lost it completely. I doubt that Timberwolf will ever regenerate. That said, once we got Clear Brook back home to her office here, and some decent coffee in her, she calmed down a bit. Nightmare managed to only give clear and correct advice in getting the doctor squared away and somewhat straightened out. Evidently there's a high turnover among the medical teams at the site, three weeks and you're rotated out whether you're showing signs or not, but most do show signs on rotation or within a week of leaving. I suspect that Discord returning Mao-Tse-Pony to a filly was a greater mercy than most knew.
The banality of evil.
The Mane Six sans Applejack have been avoiding me, which I put in the win column. Applejack has told me they discussed it. Of course Rainbow thinks if she pisses me off, I'll chop her wings off. Maybe. Before my encounter with Discord I'd find her sleeping in a tree and make comments to add horror to her dreams, but now, I just tell her to get back to work, or other fun things.
I pointed at the sleeping figure in the tree. Big Mac nodded.
"Did you find Rainbow to tell her about the Wonderbolts try-outs?" I shouted to Big Mac.
"Nope," Big Mac said happily as he lined up to buck the tree.
"Well, she can cheer on Fluttershy and Derpy with the rest of us." I said, and verified Rainbow was turning over in her sleep.
Big Mac bucked and not only apples poured out of the tree.
"Huh, wha? Is Spitfire still here? How did Fluttershy join the Wonderbolts?" she shouted, she was about to grab me when she thought better of it. "Why didn't you come get me?"
"You were asleep in the tree," Big Mac said.
"If I hurry, maybe I can catch up!" Rainbow said.
"Catch up to what?" I asked.
"The Wonderbolts Try-Outs!" Rainbow shouted, "Where are they?"
"At their camp in a couple of months, aren't they?" I asked, "It's not like they'd go from town-to-town recruiting."
Rainbow patted her frazzled mane back into place and laughed nervously, "Yeah right, just a dream."
"Clear Brook?" Big Mac asked and nodded towards Rainbow.
"Naw, it's not like she has a chance anyway, being a Bearer and all." I stooped to pick up the apples the baskets hadn't caught.
"What do you mean I don't have a chance because I'm a Bearer?" Rainbow demanded, still a bit addled from her awakening.
"Spitfire isn't going to put someone on the team who'll have to light out in the middle of a performance to save the world," I said, "Or risk injuring that person as part of a stunt team so they can't save the world. It'd be like a pro-Hoofball player scrimmaging with college junior varsity. Too much chance of injury, no real benefit if you win."
Rainbow looked like she'd been kicked in the guts.
"Careful, Celestia will kill you if she disowns her Element to join the Wonderbolts," Nightmare warned.
Good point, I replied.
"Besides, it's step down to become a Wonderbolt, like Princess Celestia abdicating in favor of Cadence. You're one of two ponies to wield the Element of Loyalty, and the other is an Alicorn," I said, "You don't think that's a big deal? Or a big enough deal?"
Rainbow looked confused, but at least she wasn't panicking.
"You wanna hang out, go ask for lessons," Big Mac said as he loaded the last baskets onto the wagon.
"That's a good point. They'd be overjoyed to teach you. All you have to do is admit they're better than you, and believe me, all of them together have tricks you've never heard of," I said as I shouldered the wagon and helped Big Mac take the apples back to the barn.
I don't know how long Rainbow stood there staring. Fortunately, she wasn't there the next day. I do wonder what Big Mac and I loosed upon the world.
"What have you done?" comes the question from Twilight when I arrive at the library looking for Spike.
"Got the garden ready for some early harvests," I say, "That's why I'm looking for Spike."
"Rain - bow," Twilight says, "She's devoured every book on flight, flying mechanics and started in on the biographies of famous fliers."
"Oh, that, I stole some of your essence and put it in her, are you sleeping more, looking for cool or awesome books more than usual, not getting worked up over trivialities, or planning on wrestling Applejack any time soon?" I tell her, "I had to balance the equation somehow."
Her expression would curdle cement.
"You're cute when you look like that," I tell her, which causes her to blush and grind her teeth, "So the town librarian is irritated that a bibliophobe has started using the library for its intended purpose. Sounds to me like she's studying up on her chosen avocation, like a good, self-taught student would."
"What did you tell her?" Twilight asks.
"That as an Element Bearer she'll never be part of the Wonderbolts because they won't accept her demoting herself, but if she wanted to hang out with them, she should ask for lessons," I tell her, "I'm guessing she actually did, and Spitfire sent her a reading list."
Twilight stands there with her mouth hanging open, staring at me.
"I'll find Spike myself," I tell her as I head deeper into the library.
Journal Entry - 1A+30
So Rainbow followed our instructions and is currently on a guided study program with Fleetfoot and a couple of retired Wonderbolt Captains. Twilight of course freaked that something disturbed her predictable world, but that's Twilight in a nutshell. The others are happier, including Rainbow, who is in the process of learning how much she didn't know, and gaining a greater and more precise vocabulary about aerial maneuvers, wing positioning, and aerial pioneers.
She's stopped bugging people about 'watch me do this trick' and has buckled down to diagram out what she does. It stops being: 'I do a loop then a flip and . . .' and instead becomes 'I do a Lute Chair circle, transition into Wall Climber's weave then . . . '. She seems a lot happier about things. Glad Mac and me could help. All we have to do is look out for obsession to creep in, Rainbow's or Twilight's would be my bet, but the others aren't going to be satisfied that their book-dumb colleague is getting book-smart, even in only one area.
Ponies are very much a crab-bucket culture, they'll tear down someone who's getting above their 'station'. They did it to Rainbow with Mare-Do-Well, I suspect they'll do it again.
I have a plan, that is fully Nightmare approved, for flying cover for the little speed demon and her enthusiasm.
"Oh hello, Gray Rock," Rarity said as she let me into her shop.
The initial enthusiasm for my presence has worn off, I thought, Good.
"Stay on point," Nightmare warned, "She's a tricky one, and would have been my choice of host," Nightmare warned.
"Are you all right?" Rarity asked.
"Nightmare says she loves you more than she loves me," I said, sighed while ignoring Nightmare's screaming denials, "I thought she and I had something special." I ignored Rarity's horrified expression and continued, "I was hoping you could clarify things. Twilight has been pitching a fit about Rainbow getting serious about studying flying, and other people have mentioned it, and Mare-Do-Well. Who the heck is Mare-Do-Well?"
"I thought you were aware when you were a flower," Rarity said.
"I was aware of my surroundings," I replied, "If nopony talked about something around me, I know little about it," I said.
"Rainbow was getting insufferable with her heroism and desire to be the center of attention," Rarity said.
"But she is a hero, as are the rest of you six," I said.
"The critical word is 'insufferable'," Rarity said, "So the five of us contrived to be a bigger hero that Rainbow Dash."
I stared at Rarity in confusion. "So studying hard about your chosen employment, hobby and near obsession is 'insufferable'? So Fluttershy starting to check out books on veterinary medicine and comparative anatomy would be insufferable? I had no idea me telling you about my world's fashions would make you insufferable, I'll stop then, thank you for the warning." I started heading for the door.
Rarity avoided making a flying tackle and just used the leap to get between me and the door. "I'm sure that would never come to pass."
"But everypony is talking like that," I replied, "Rainbow is just going to the library and doing a few maneuvers in those books, without demanding everybody watch her new trick. How is that then worthy of the return of Mare-Do-Well?"
That left Rarity nonplused. I took my leave.
Journal Entry - 1A+31
Rarity taken care of. Pinkie Pie was easy: 'Have you ever seen Rainbow smile that much?' Fluttershy would go with the consensus. That left the most delicate operation.
My plan is working flawlessly! Mwah ha ha! Evil villain laughs don't translate to text property.
"So why didn't you ever talk about Mare-Do-Well around me?" I ask Applejack right after she completed a buck, and completely screws up her set up for the next. If I asked her to have sex with me in front of the entire Royal Court I doubt she'd blush that hard.
"So, ya wanna see me in spandex?" she offers and grins nervously.
"I want to know how humiliating your best friend instead of seriously talking to her is a good idea in pony psychology," I say, "Because with Rainbow actually studying, Twilight and a few others are talking about the return of Mare-Do-Well."
To her credit, Applejack looks horrified. "It was all of us, and nopony's talked to me about it," she says.
Twilight's going to get a talking to, I think, then notice Applejack's piercing look.
"I thought you weren't fond of Rainbow," she says.
"There's a difference between not liking someone including enjoying them getting justly punished for their misdeeds, and standing idle for them getting a hiding they don't deserve," I say, "If I don't want it to happen to me, I really shouldn't stand for it to happen to another."
That earns me a tight hug and shy kiss from Applejack. "We'll have a talk with Twi. Seems somepony didn't learn the real lesson."
After a pause, we return to work.
The afternoon was a bit more acrimonious as Twilight was confronted by Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy about letting Rainbow be. Ironically, Rainbow came by during this time and thanked me, then Big Mac, for the advice and her new found learning.
Thank God for dense ponies, she'd never heard an inkling of the whisper campaign against her.
Until Discord brought it up in front of Rainbow, Twilight and Pinkie Pie. Draconequus versus furious reality warper. Even Spike didn't want to intervene in that one. Rainbow trying to play peacemaker was like trying to put out a fire with gasoline, theoretically possible, if you create a big enough explosion.
"So, you want more popcorn?" Spike asked as Pinkie hit Discord with a squeaky hammer.
"Nope. Cider?" Big Mac asked as Discord fired a beehive at Pinkie, who swallowed it and spit all the bees back, stingers first, at Discord making noises like a machinegun.
"Thanks," Spike said as I refilled his cup.
"Figure this will go the distance?" I asked.
"Naw, TKO by round three," Spike said as he munched popcorn.
"TKO?" I asked, "By whom?"
"That I don't know," Spike said as Pinkie set Discord on fire by yelling at him.
"Any cake?" Princess Celestia asked as Discord covered himself in fire-fighting foam.
"Sorry," Big Mac said.
"INCOMING!" Spike shouted, but Celestia caught the cake on her horn.
"Ice cream cake!" Celestia said, and stared at it, "Ah, little help here?"
"Platters," I said as I caught one as part of Pinkie's ripostes, "We should be able to just unscrew it off your horn."
Journal Entry - 1A+32
Watching Discord deny responsibility for the horde of Pinkie Pies was interesting. Having the new barn collapse was not. I have to admit, segregating a couple of the first gen copies and getting them out of town before Twilight's Exterminatus was a difficult trick. Getting them out with nopony seeing me do it was the real trick.
I almost felt sorry for old Sergeant Fast Link who was holding down the station operators' jobs while those worthies helped hunt down the last Pinkie Pie clones. The top of the three stacked on each other Pinkie Pies turned her head slowly while I made sure their trench coat was secure.
The effect was of a badly-made animatronic. Considering it was literally life and death, theirs, top Pinkie Pie focused on being the best, awful, giant Pinkie Pie robot she could be.
Sergeant Fast Link sighed and looked at me again. "Look son, I don't know what's going on, but one robot doesn't need three tickets. You get one ticket with off and on privileges at each destination," he said, then glanced around, "But frankly, I'd send them to Canterlot and let their Highnesses sort it out." He tapped his nose and then dropped back into old, pensioned-off relic guise.
I have got to quit underestimating ponies, just because most of them can't find their way out of a paper bag with a map, written instructions and a pair of good scissors, that doesn't mean all of them are that stupid.
"I think that might be an idea for the future," I replied and paid for the single ticket, a sleeper so Pinkie could have privacy.
Since the train wasn't leaving for a while, I could take her on board. The sound of popping made them cringe badly enough they almost fell over. Fortunately, I caught them and supported them as they righted themselves and ducked to get on the train and they disassembled into their cabin.
"Maybe I should go back," one offered, "I'd hate to think if Twilight made a mistake and got the real Pinkie."
"Are you so eager to die?" I asked, "You're showing concern for another not you, that implies you are a person able to feel and reason."
"Pinkie Pie would feel that way too," the second said as the third folded down the over head bunk and climbed in, covering herself with the trenchcoat.
"The Apple Family's barn-raising crew might disagree," I replied, "I was only able to get the others to fix it after I made it a game and contest."
"Yeah," the first said, "I thought you didn't like me."
"You frighten me, it's not the same thing," I said, "And that isn't a capital crime, being a Pinkie Pie in Ponyville is, being the last just makes you not guilty, not safe."
The first and second nodded.
"I'll miss my friends," the third said and sat up, "Do we have time to make copies of them?"
"You want to talk to Twilight right now?" I asked, and realization hit her.
The third lays back. "Yeah, bad idea," she admitted.
The second takes hold of my sleeve. She released it and ran her fingers along the cuff. "I just wanted to be your friend," she said, "Maybe with a few benefits." She smiled weakly.
"Pinkie," I said, "My friends are generally quiet," I said, "If you never understood that, you couldn't have understood me."
She nodded and let me go.
The train pulled out, as I watched from the platform I wondered if Canterlot, Vanhoover and the Crystal Empire would survive a Pinkie Pie, or would she realize she needed to tone things down a bit for a while.
I waited until they got the rock in place to seal the entrance to the Mirror Pond before I extolled the disaster we had avoided. And to turn the screws on situational-morality pony.
"You know, now I have to wonder how many other's you've killed," I said as the rock settled into place, there seemed to be a delay while the others processed the implications, so I continued, "I mean if all they have to be is not real people to you, and ZAP back to the aether they go. No pleas of mercy accepted. No tests that they might grow into separate but similar ponies. Just they are a nuisance, so ZAP! You taught me a lesson, never be a nuisance to Twilight Sparkle. If you are, and she thinks you aren't a pony, to the cornfield with you."
The others began nervously exchanging glances.
"They were blank slates," Rarity offered.
"So are all newborns, what's your point? Okay, let's say the copy degrades slightly, so a copy is really close, but a copy of a copy is just a stereotype of that person, and a copy cubed is just a zombie with the person's strongest drives running the show," I said, "What makes the first generation copies not people when they are only a flawed duplicate of the original, but they still have the chance to learn and grow? They are already on their way to being different ponies the way even Starlight Glimmer would have to strike down. Say a half-dozen Rarity copies. Two might want to make dresses, but one or two would lack some critical memory, and realize they could become jewelers instead. Another might want to make drapes and the last tapestries. All based in the Rarity template, but different people as they flesh out their existence, filling in the hole that the imperfect copying made, or realizing they had the opportunity to explore other avenues that the original can't because of her plans and responsibilities to Ponyville, the Carousel Boutique and the brand of Rarity."
"So, dozen of them . . . " Applejack began, and couldn't finish.
"No, as I understand it, Pinkie mirrored herself, then the two mirrored, so that's two first-gen and a second-gen. Maybe the lowest copies were like brain-damaged foals in adult bodies, but those first few copies," I said and shrugged, "We'll never know, will we?"
I was tempted to say 'we can't gather that data', I thought.
"But that would reduce them from people to an unanswered question," Nightmare agreed, "A fine line between getting her intrigued, and getting her obsessed. At least she's not looking back at the Mirror Pond. I do wonder why she never investigated the place, and why neither I nor Luna knew about something like this in our backyard. I bet Celestia knows."
Speaking of obsession, I thought, Pot meet kettle.
"That's why I understand her so well," Nightmare replied haughtily.
Right, I thought where Nightmare couldn't hear.
The walk home was silent as the maudlinity/maudlinness? went through histrionics and out the other side to horrified quiet. I doubt any of them slept well, and I had Spike send a letter to Luna to be ready. I didn't hide that from Twilight.
I also mentioned it to Clear Brook, and the need for a few lessons on military ethics, especially how to treat nuisance P.O.W.s while the war is going on.
Then I got a bit of horror that there's been no major war for so long there's no Geneva Convention here. They were too barbaric before to be willing to follow it, and now they think they don't need war or anything in its penumbra. I'm going to jot down some notes and formally send it through Spike-mail to the Diarchs and Princess Cadence. There's little chance of there being a war, but if there is what's to prevent atrocities on both sides? Fear of retribution? Retribution so ferocious it's worse than the atrocity?
Journal Entry - 1A+33
When I set off a hornet's nest, I don't fuck around. Celestia came charging down to examine the Mirror Pond, and cloistered the Mane Six for several hours after she saw the effects, and understood what could be done. I sat with the duplicated guardsmare who had to be assured by the original, myself, Discord and Princess Luna that she wouldn't be arbitrarily exterminated.
Clear Brook and Balustrade worked with her to verify her memories weren't perfect, and that they could set up an alternate identity elsewhere in Equestria. A diplomatic mission to Zebrafrica was suggested, one working away from the capital where she might be mistaken for the original. The fear of being accused of being a changeling infiltrator was also raised and squelched.
Celestia seemed exhausted after she finished meeting with the Mane Six, I doubt she was happy with the easy solution her personal protege, Twilight, picked that ignored the deeper ramifications of her actions. Considering Sunset Shimmer, and Celestia herself, thinking exclusively in the short-term is a problem for all of them. That may be how you become a magical prodigy, as Mao-Tse-Pony is the same way, well was, I hope she grows up different, but the downsides are tremendous. I wonder if that explains the crab-bucket culture, the nail that sticks up really is that dangerous.
Celestia also was obviously unhappy that none of Twilight's friends called her out on it, merely going along with Twilight's plan. Celestia even specifically said, 'It's the Parasprites all over again.'
Celestia didn't You have a lot to think about Twilight, considering how well that went last time, but I don't think any of the mares was pleased with this outcome.
I suggested Celestia needed to talk, and we took the duplicate guardsmare with us.
"Is there another problem I need to know about?" Celestia asked, walking beside me and looking thoroughly beaten, "Your comments on treatment of soldiers, civilians and prisoners during wartime has got the military and the bureaucracy spun up completely and not in a fun way. Even the militaries of other nations think it's both a good idea and long overdue. Although with some who have had border skirmishes in the recent past, they are looking for a laxer set of rules."
"Well aside from your serious cuddle deficiency I was suggesting you might need to talk to me," I said, "I resented having to hear about who did what to whom from my household, because it was all aggrieved imagination. I think you actually need a sounding board or just someone to scream at who won't take it personally."
"I had plans for Twilight, and hoped she'd grow out of always taking the logical path and take the principled one. Yet here I see she hasn't changed all that much, the simple, quick solution is what she employs, despite the long-term consequences. She doesn't even consider those."
"So give her some decisions where the long-term consequences are obviously paramount, and let her work through those," I said, "I also think you aren't looking back far enough. I don't know when she got Spike, but she still hasn't thoroughly investigated his biology, culture or psychological needs. He isn't a pony in a dragon suit, he's a different species, and if she pigeon-holes him as a funny-acting pony, there's a deeper problem to address."
Celestia sighed again. "Can I take you up on that cuddle deficiency cure?" she asked.
"Sure, and if anyone says anything, we'll assign her to be Twilight's guard," I said, which earned me a boop on the nose and a wrapping of Celestia's strong limbs and soft curves.