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My Little Pony Misadventures
Train Ride/The Dog Experiment/Carriage Fluid
Train Ride:
Twilight and Applejack were just sitting around Sugarcube corner talking to one another until twilight said
"Hey Applejack?"
"Yeah, what's up Twilight?" Applejack asked
"Do you remember the train trip that we took back to Canterlot from the Crystal Empire, and we sat next to those two fucking unicorn cunts." Twilight said angrily. "That refused to stop using their magic through the entire goddamn ride."
"Oh, god." Applejack said remembering the events "Like, I don't understand it."
"I don't understand it either!" Twilight said
"I look over there and one of the bitches was preforming, like fire magic, or something." Applejack said
"Using fire magic, like we're riding in a train with a wooden interior." Twilight said
"And I was like that totally dangerous right?" Applejack said "And one of the servers came by and says to the one using magic "you need to stop that ma'am." and she's like "Oh yeah, that's right." So she stops using fire magic and we're about halfway through the trip and she pulls out a spell book and starts showing her friend different spells, next thing I knew they we're using Illuminating magic."
"Which is basically a spell that illuminates a large area with an extremely bright light." Twilight said "And she's using that spell, and we're about five feet from the conductor, who we can see through a glass door that separates the passengers and him."
"If that has gotten through the door, we would've been dead." Applejack said
"That stupid bitch and her dumb friend, put all of our lives in danger. Why do we have rules as a society, Applejack?" Twilight said "You know what buck it, I'm not listening to Celestia anymore. That mare showed me, yeah I'll pull out my bucking spell book, I'll preform spells, I'll take out my bucking vibrator, I don't care that I'm putting 50 ponies at risk. There are foals on this train, but whatever. Who cares because I wanted to set the train on fire."
Applejack laughs a little bit at Twilight's rant.
"So I'm not going to listen to Celestia anymore and I'm going to kill a pony." Twilight said
"Wow." Applejack said
"I really need a vacation." Twilight said as she rubes her face with her hooves.
The Dog Experiment:
24 hours after the episodes Over a Barrel
Twilight and Applejack were at the library reading books.
"Hey Twilight?" Applejack asked
"The other day I was reading these stories about bucked up experiments that had been done in the past." Applejack said
"Oh, really." Twilight said curiously
"I want to tell you one of the most bucked up thing I learned from those stories." Applejack said
"What is it?" Twilight asked
"Well the government funded this experiment. They wanted to teach dogs to speak." Applejack said as she started the story
Twilight begins to snickers
"So they built a house that had some stuff to be suited for by a dog like food, water and toys." Applejack said as she continued the story "Then they had a mare and a male dog live in that house. So they gave the mare the dog when it was a puppy and it grew up with her. Problem was, when the dog reached sexual maturity, the people in charge of the program didn't nurtured it, because they said it would mess with the dog's learning process. So when the dog reached that age it just wanted to bone the mare that was living with him. And the dog would get really aggressive sometimes and was scratching her and biting her because she wouldn't have sex with him. So they started to give the dog conjugal visits. They would take the dog out of the house and let it have sex with other dogs. But then they were like "This is bucking up our experiment, we don't know if we can teach it to speak if it gets to interact with other dogs." The dog became a little more gentle, like it was trying to court the mare. it would like nibble at her hooves."
Twilight started to laugh even more
"And, uh, he would roll over on to his back and he would show's his junk to her." Applejack said "So she started to give the dog hoofjobs."
"No, get outta here." Twilight said disgusted
"And, uh, the dog became more receptive to their lessons after she started jacking him off." Applejack said laughing a little
"Bullshit!" Twilight exclaimed
"But it still, it still wasn't talking." Applejack said "So their solutions was "Oh of course you just need to do LSD with the dog."
Twilight then started to laugh extremely hard to the point she was holding her stomach.
"So they started dropping acid together." Applejack said while laughing as well.
"What the buck?" Twilight said
"And after they started doing acid, the government cut their funding." Applejack said while laughing uncontrollable.
"What's the hope? What do they think a dog's gonna say? More hoofjobs?" Twilight said as she was still crying laughing.
Carriage Fluid:
Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, And Pinkie Pie are in Twilight's liberay discussing random things until PInkie decided to tell a story she remembers from a while ago
"Yeah so, I remember talking to this stallion once, he recently got in a really bad crash with his carriage." Pinkie said " He said that the first thing he remembers after the crash, which had been tipped over onto it's back, he said he remembers crawling out of from the underside of the carriage, which was pretty difficult. And as he got out and was sitting on his back legs, he said his legs started to feel wet, so he looked down in time to see liquid running down his legs, and he said did I piss myself? And it turns out the Carriage Fluid Container made it out of the carriage and onto his legs, at some point during the crash."
"The Carriage Fluid Container, really?" Applejack asked sarcastically
Twilight begins to giggle.
"I can't believe It went all the way from." Applejack said as she let out a little giggle herself "The Carriage Fluid Container went all the way from inside the carriage to his legs."
"Did you just say.. CARRIAGE FLUID!" Twilight said with laughing and amazed by her friend stupidity "Did you just say Carriage Fluid."
"What are you talking about?" Pinkie asked
"There no such thing." Applejack said as she begins to laugh
Rainbow begins to laugh uncontrollable
"What do you think Carriage Fluid is?" Twilight asked "Do you really think there Carriage Fluid?"
Rainbow, Applejack and Twilight all begins to laugh at how stupid that sounded.
"How is that possible that you think that?" Twilight asked
"Oh, the wheels are stiff better put some more fluid on it." Applejack said
"Gonna top off the wheels." Rainbow said as she laughs
"Your a bucking moron." Applejack said
"I've been breaking the fourth wall too much." Pinkie said
"No." Twilight said immediately while still laughing
"I mean, the seat juice." Pinkie said "What's that stuff called."
"The seat juice." Applejack said while laughing
The three continued to laugh at Pinkie.
"Oh my Celestia." Applejack said
"This is the dumbest moment in the history of this show." Rainbow said still laughing a little.
Applejack and Twilight continued to laugh extremely hard
"Oh man, ok in previous episodes I always get made fun of for being stupid or something like that." Pinkie said "I'll admit that was the bucking dumbest thing I've ever said, but you know what I mean right."
All four of them start to laugh together.
"Is it rock carriage fluids?" Rainbow said making fun of Pinkie
"It's a good thing I'm going back home for the holidays." Pinkie said "I'm gonna leave ok."
The laughter has started to dyed down.
"I keep waiting for you to make sense." Rainbow said
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My Little Pony Misadventures
Anarchist Cooking with Twilight/Las Pegasus Part 1 and 2
Anarchist Cooking with Twilight:
The main six were in Twilight's libary talking about how they've gotten into trouble when they were fillies. Applejack then turned to twilight as asked her
"Have you ever gotten in trouble with your parents Twilight?"
"Yes, once." Twilight said
"What did you do?" Rarity asked
"Should I tell this story." Twilight said contemplated "Buck it why not."
"Tell us the whole story egghead, if you don't mind." Rainbow said
"Sure, it was when I was 13 years old and I almost blew myself up." Twilight said
'How?" Fluttershy wondered
'Well I'll need to give a little context if that's ok." twilight said
"Sure." Pinkie said
"The first purpose of bookstores was to deliver this document called The Anarchist Cookbook." Twilight explained "Which told you how to make smoke bombs, and real bombs, and napalm, and so at 13 I very stupidly bought this thing, and it told me how to make napalm. One step in this was boiling gasoline, and so I was boiling a pot of gasoline and my came home. She said the whole place smelled like a garage, and she goes "What are you doing?" And she started crying, mortified at what I was doing. She goes "I don't understand what this is!" And I tried to calm her down and explain the science behind it and all that. My dad's really smart. So my dad comes home and my mom in tears for like, the entire day, and she's like, "what's wrong with you" "Blah Blah Blah" And I said "No no no mom listen, listen, listen it's gasoline, so you can boil it and it won't explode until it's gets close to an open flame." Course I'm an idiot because the house was filled with fumes. Any spark in the house would've killed me. You know? Because I'm a filly and I'm stupid. So I said "There was really not that much danger." She goes "What?" And my dad goes, "Technically she is correct."
Twilight and the others started laughing.
"Wow" said Applejack "I bet he was in trouble after that."
"He was!" Twilight said
"So, did he just grab you by the neck and say, "Punch, punch, punch?" Rarity said laughing a little
Las Pegasus Part 1 and 2:
Three days after the episodes: A Canterlot Wedding part 1 and 2
Twilight , Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash were talking about what they've been up to since the weeding.
"How about you and Fluttershy, Rainbow, did you two did anything interesting since become marefriends?"Twilight asked Rainbow Dash
"Well, there was one thing, but I don't know if i should tell it because it don't want to embarrass Fluttershy." Rainbow said
"You can tell it if you want to." Fluttershy told her marefriend
Are you sure?" Rainbow asked
"Yes, I give you my blessing to tell them the story." Fluttershy said as she kissed rainbow on the cheek.
"Alright, I got to see Las Pegasus in a way I've never seen it before which is sober." Rainbow Dash said
"Why was that?" Applejack asked
"Because I was responsible for keeping Fluttershy alive." Rainbow explained "I don't know if you know this about Fluttershy and I, but if you are in a new town we have to go to the ghost tour for the town. We go on the first half of the ghost tour, and come back, and there is like a 20 minute break where you get some more drinks and Fluttershy drinks like two huge drinks. Then she gets weird. She goes to the bathroom, and she comes out like just wobbling. She looks like a bucking pinball. She's got this stupid grin on her face, she goes "I lost my bag." and I go "Did you have it with you?" and she goes "Mmmmm."
Twilight and Applejack starts laughing.
"Then I said "Did you lose it in the bathroom?" Rainbow said explaining the story "Again she goes "Mmmmm" and I go "Go back in the bathroom and get it." And so she goes back in the bathroom, comes out and she goes "I lost my bag." and I go "Was it not in the bathroom?" she goes "ummm mmm." And I was like "Why are you so bucking happy, you lost your god damn bag!?" I have to now back track to see if she sat down and left it somewhere while we were on the tour. And so, I'm like "What do I do with Fluttershy?" because I realized at this point she's gone. So I just stick her with the tour people and I'm like "Just stay with them, whatever you do." And I run around Las Pegasus back tracking trying to find her bag, I can't find it anywhere, I go back and I find Fluttershy kind of like plodding behind them, like not being able to keep up and bumping into shit. And I go well buck. And I also think the tour is trying to get away from her, like Fluttershy just walking into mail boxes and stuff going "Mmmmm."
Twilight and Applejack continues to laugh.
"And so I go and grab her and I'm like "I gotta get you back to the hotel." Rainbow said as the story continues "So I like literally have to walk her to the hotel. And she'd be bumping into me and then she would bump into somepony and be like "What!?" And so I finally get her to the hotel. She's really wobbly at this point, so i leaned her aganist the wall. And i'm looking for the room key and while I'm doing that, she just slid down the wall and slammed her head into the ground."
"Oh, man." Applejack said
"And then I look at her and she's covered in blood." Rainbow said "She's like ripped her chin up and she just starts crying. Then I get her into the hotel room, and she like runs to the bathroom and just starts throwing up everywhere. So I'm like "Are you--do you need any help?" and she's like "Leave me alone. I want to be alone." You know."
Applejack and Twilight laugh a little.
"And I'm like "Okay fine." Rainbow said "And I just started to read my Daring-Do books and hanging out. And like every ten minutes I'd go back in and check on her. And I'd be "Everything okay?" Can I get you anything?" and she'd be like "Please shut the door." And I'm like "Okay." Eventually I fall asleep. You know and I doze off and I wake up. And I go in the bathroom and she's on the ground- face first on the ground. And there's vomit everywhere. It's in her hair, it's on the floor, it's on the wall. She had been drinking Hurricanes which are those obnoxiously red drinks. So her vomit was like radioactive. And she did nothing but eat oysters the entire time we were there. Because she loves seafood. So I cleaned up bright red oyster puke."
"Oh my god." Applejack said feeling queasily.
"Oh, man I want to throw up." Twilight said trying to hold her lunch in.
Fluttershy giggles at what's going on with her friends.
"I have to, like, fight her to try to get her in the shower." rainbow said
"That's like a typical night for you." Fluttershy said teasing her marefriend.
Twilight and Applejack laughs at this.
"And she's just lying on the floor of the bathtub, making these strange noises." Rainbow said "Almost like she was dying or something."
The other three laughs at this.
"I'm like "Is she going to die? What the buck?" Rainbow said "And so I'm like "Can I get you anything?" Do you need anything?" She was like "I just wanna be in the bathtub." And I was like "Okay." So she just sat in the shower. And then eventually she just comes into the bed just laughing her ass off. She was like "Did I throw up everywhere?" and I'm like "Yeah" and she's like "Hahahaha."
They all started to laugh at this.
"And she's like "Did you clean it up?" and I was like "Yes, I did." and she's like "Hehehehehe." Rainbow said as she finished the story.
"Wow, what a story." Twilight said.
"I'll say." Applejack said
"But in the end she still loves me." Fluttershy said as she leaned against Rainbow's body.
"Yes, it was all worth it because I love my little butterfly so much." Rainbow said as she kissed Fluttershy on the cheek.
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My Little Pony Misadventures
Applejack's Rooftop Rat/Mean Squirrels/Applejack Squirrelly Situation
Applejack's Rooftop Rat:
Twilight and Applejack were hanging out eat lunch together.
"I had an intruder in my house last night." Applejack said
"Really?" Twilight asked
"Well I was in my house last night and I could hear like something chewing. "Applejack said "Like in the walls like "Crunch, crunch, crunch."
Twilight started laughing
"And I was like "What the buck is that?" Applejack said "So I walk over to the wall were I'm hearing the noise and again I hear "Crunch, crunch, crunch."
Twilight begins to laugh some more.
"And I'm like-I don't know what to do because the sound is in the wall." Applejack said "So I just start punching the wall like"get out of there!"
Twilight begins to laugh harder.
"I've been drinking, right." Applejack said "So I kept punching the wall. The noise stop, so I was like "Oh shit, it worked!" So like I run outside and I look on my roof. and there's like a pipe right there coming out of the roof. and sitting on top of that it, is a giant rat . It's just like hunched over, like I can see it silhouetted in the moon light. And i was like "You bucking asshole!" and start picking up rocks and throwing it at it. And I saw it like jump off of the roof and, like, just start running, hauling ass, ran over to my neighbors' yard. I was like "Yeah, that's right, asshole it's my house."
"Your neighbors at that time were like "Oh, god, that crazy pony is outside." Twilight said while snickering.
"Hehehe yeah." Applejack said.
Mean Squirrels:
Pinkie Pie was helping Applejack with some stuff at the farm.
"Wow the apples are looking beautiful, must get a lot of critters coming through here." Pinkie said
"Yeah, some good and some bad." Applejack said
"What are the bad ones?" Pinkie asked
"Well when I first moved onto the farm we had this problem when there was a squirrel, where every time it saw me it would throw stuff at me." Applejack said "If I would walk outside the squirrel was in a tree, he would fine branches or like nuts or whatever to throw it at me and he would hit me! Then he tried to piss on me once."
Pinkie snickers at this.
"I was like standing next to a tree ready to knock the apples off of the tree." Applejack said "And like all of a sudden like liquid started falling next to me and I was like "What's that?" and I look up and there's the squirrel like pissing down, like straight right next to me. I'm like "It's the bucking squirrel!"
"Your getting bullied." Pinkie said while laughing
"Yeah." Applejack said
Applejack's Squirrelly Situation:
Rarity and Applejack were at the spa getting hooficures. Then Rarity notice someting was bothering Applejack.
"Applejack are you ok, you look angry?" Rarity asked
"I am angry." Applejack said simply
"About what?" Rarity asked
"Nature." Applejack said angrily
"Why?" Rarity asked
"Because, I've got a bone to pick again, with the bucking squirrels at the farm." Applejack said "So I have this community garden store that's kinda of close to the farm that you can go to and buy like fruits and vegetables and shit. And growing beside it is a pecan tree. So every now and then a pecan will fall into the ground and a little pecan tree will start growing. So the other day I was like alright, I'm going to take this little pecan tree and plant it on the farm for Apple Bloom, so she can learn how to take care of trees and keep them healthy and stuff. And in 20 years hopefully there's gonna be a pecan tree there. So I was like, I planted, and I start watering it, and Apple Bloom and I were taking great care of it , and I was like "Yeah, it's taking, it's all green, it's gonna be awesome!" Like a week after I planted it, I walked out of my house and there was a bucking squirrel, he had ripped it out of the ground, he had bit of the stem, bit off the root and just ate the nut, that was like the seed. I was like "You bucking asshole!" So like I walked out to gather some apples and he's stopped with it in his mouth and like turned to look at me and I looked at him and I was like "What the buck!" and he took off running."
Rarity then laughed.
"I was like "Goddamn!" Applejack said angrily
"Did you give chase?" Rarity asked
"Yeah, I chased him." Applejack said
Rarity started laughing again.
"He ran up a tree immediately." Applejack said as she finished the story
"Wow, what a story." Rarity said
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My Little Pony Misadventures
Rainbow Dash meets a Drug Dealer/Applejack vs Machete Stallion/The Five Signs of Death
Rainbow Dash meets a Drug Dealer:
Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Spike were talking about what they did after they left the doughnut shop, but before they left Canterlot to go back to Ponyville.
"It was an eventful night, well at least for me." Rainbow said
"So what happened last night?" Applejack asked
"Well we went out and we went to go drink at this bar, after what happened at the Gala." Spike
"So, like, at one point I had to go outside to do something." Rainbow said Then I go back to the bar and this stallion is like "No, turn around. "And he just, like, throws me out on the street. So I'm like standing there. I'm like god damn it. And then there this stallion standing right next to the bar, and he looked like he was 20 years old and he's like "That bucked up." And I'm like I know right? And he's like "What's up?" I'm like,"Dunno. What's up?" He looks down and he's like wanna buy some drugs?"
Spike and Applejack starts to snicker
"And I was like "What?" Rainbow said And he's like "Come here. What's your name?" And I'm like "I'm Rainbow Dash." He's like "I'm Button Mash." And I'm like "It's a pleasure to meet you Button." Then he's going through all the shit he has like "I got this and I got this and I got this." And I'm like "Mmmm. Interesting, Interesting." And then he starts telling me about this adult book store, across the street. He's like "I'm gonna hook you up. You go across the street, you tell them Button sent you." We got live mares 18 to 23. We've got earth ponies, unicorns, pegasus, anything you want. You tell them Button sent you. I'll give you a deal." I'm like "That's a generous offer, Button. I promise you, the next time I come to Canterlot I'm gonna go to the adult book store and tell them Button sent me." He's like "Alright, good. Let me give you my card so you don't forget." Then he takes out like a random hotel business card and takes out a marker and starts to write down his information on the back of the card and gives it to me. And I'm like "It was a pleasure meeting you."
"Wow, what an experience." Applejack said then paused for a moment and asked Rainbow "Your not really going to do that are you?"
"Who knows I guess we'll see what happens in the next couple of months." Rainbow said simply
Applejack vs Machete Stallion:
Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy were talking about their lives, until Rainbow brought up, hers and Fluttershy first's date.
"Remember where we had our first date, it was on the hill over looking the school." Rainbow said
"Oh you mean the hill that's right next to the hoofball field?" Fluttershy asked
"Yeah." Rainbow said
"I almost got stabbed and murdered on that hill." Applejack said out of the blue.
"Really?" Rainbow asked
"How?" asked Fluttershy
"When I was like 12, I was up there with, uh, some mares I knew." Applejack said "Throwing rocks from there trying to hit the hoofball field. One of the mares I was with threw a rock, and then some stallion came walking out on the field and the rock came really close to hitting him. He looked up and saw us and like yelled something at us and we we're being dumb kids, so we like yelled back at him. Then the stallion very calmly leaves the stadium and starts walks towards this carriage, which I assumed was his, and pulls out this giant machete, and runs up the hill."
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy begins laughing.
"We were like "Oh, buck!" Applejack said "Then we ran down the hill and at one point we split up so he wouldn't find all of us. I was trying to walk calmly down this dirt path that lead to Ponyville, and ahead of me I saw him come running towards me with the machete still in one of his hoof. And I was like "Oh, shit!" It was like something out of a horror movie, so I ran into the nearby woods, having to run in different directions to lose him and going through a mosh pit at one point. Eventually I got away and ran back to the farm."
"Wow, I'm glad your ok." Fluttershy said
"Yeah." Rainbow said.
The Five Signs of Death:
Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie were sitting around talking about the stuff that happen after there adventure, more importantly about how applejack almost ruined a day at the beach.
"Remember when Applejack freaked out because she saw a sign, that said "No Swimming, under 15 years of age."
"I know, she said that we had to follow what the signs said." Fluttershy said
"You don't have to." said Twilight "We're over 15 years old."
"I know." Fluttershy said laughing a little
The three of then shared them laughed about the situation.
"That reminds me of a mare I knew and she was not very bright." Twilight said breaking the silence.
"Oh, really?" asked Fluttershy "How so?"
"Well." Twilight said "She was going to be a nurse, and she was just so dumb. I was, like, afraid for anyone who ended up in her care. So we went out for lunch together one day, she had just finished up her medical class that day, and we were talking about how her class went. She ended up telling me what she learned in class that day which was, as she said, the five signs of death. "
Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie begins laughing
"That sounds like a chart that you would give a child." Pinkie said giggling
"She told me like "If you want to be a nurse the first thing you have to learn, is when you see a patient, is what the five signs of death are." Twilight said "One is: head removed from the body."
Fluttershy and Pinkie starts laughing again
"She said "That's just obvious, you know? No head? You know that pony's dead." Twilight said "And the second one was, all burned up."
"All burned up?" Fluttershy asked while laughing
"All burned up." Twilight said
Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were laughing harder now.
"And then she said "If they're all black- not a black pony, you know, what I mean-all black." Twilight said "And I'm like, "Yeah I get what you're saying." She said the third one was, blood on the outside of the body."
Twilight starts giggling
"What?" Pinkie asked
"It wasn't like, they've been bleeding heavily or something, no literally, all the blood has been vacuumed out and is outside your body." Twilight said "I don't know if it's in a jar or where it is."
"What the buck!" Fluttershy said while still laughing
"I can't remember what the last two were." Twilight said "Maybe I need to take the same class she took to find out."
"Wow, do you still know this mare?" asked Pinkie as she stopped laughing
"No, she moved away not long after, so who knows what happened to her?" Twilight said
"Maybe she became a nurse, like she always wanted." Fluttershy said
"Or she's in jail for not recognizing one of the five signs of death." Pinkie said jokingly
The three of them then shared a laugh together.