Chapter One: Called to (Pony) Life
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter One: Called to (Pony) Life

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I felt the solid ground, but my head still felt like it was spinning. I opened my eyes with a groan. There it is, the spinning earth. Except really, really bright green. I could make out a blurry tree, swirls of blue and green. I assume that was the sky and a grassy hill. The sun must have come out. But how’d we end up outside?

“M-m-m–Robin?” I tried asking. That was weird. My voice sounded weird. I tried clearing my throat.

I turned my head and saw a black pony billboard next to me. He kind of looked like Matt’s OC. Maybe that’s why I accidentally said Robin instead. It looked a lot like his OC. Same peanut brown mane, and crystal blue eyes. It almost looked like it was moving, looking itself over with a concerned look.

My vision settled, and multiple things occurred to me at once: First, everything was a hyper-saturated pastel, secondly, the billboard was Robinwind, even down to the grey star on his muzzle. Thirdly, it wasn’t a billboard; it was moving.

I shot up. But something was wrong. My legs didn’t respond the way I expected, and my arms felt like they bent oddly, yet my head lifted up higher than I expected. A yellow lock on hair fell into my sight, obscuring the worried looking charcoal-colored pony in front of me.

I looked down. My eyes were met with two baby blue hooves resting upon the green, butterscotch cream curls dangling down. And I could just make out a blue protrusion where my nose ought to me.

At this point, I knew what had happened. A part of me understood it completely. Of course, we’ve been turned into ponies. Not just that, but our OC’s! Yet the rational side of me rejected the idea. Whatever part of our brain that understands the basic laws of nature, the part that tells us ‘you are you, and I am me, and that person is that person,’ simply couldn’t process it. A fundamental rule had been broken. The sort of rule I had to accept when I realized as a child that I wouldn’t become a DigiDestined and no magic ring would ever be gifted to me, by uncle or alien. It was sort of like that feeling you get when someone very close to you has died, and for a full month, even though you know they're gone, your brain just won’t accept it and keeps wondering why they’re late for dinner.

I lifted my front side and leaned back, plopping into a sitting position, without looking up. The cartoon blue noodles obeyed me. I lifted both front legs to frantically inspect both of them. My eyes darted back and forth, desperately trying to understand the simple fact that I was looking at. Oddly, it seemed like I could see really clearly, almost like they were closer to my head then I thought there were. Wait, were they?

But I was distracted by my dangling hair. Hair. My hair. Wait, did that mean… Warmth flushed to my cheeks.

“Am-m I a g-girl?” said a quiet cute voice. I was the one asking the question.

“No, no, no,” whimpered a different voice. I looked over to my black-furred companion. My friend. He dropped to the ground and covered his gigantic eyes with his hooves. “Tell me this is a dream. I died and went to purgatory. Why am I a horse? I don’t want to be a horse!” His voice wasn’t much different from before. Maybe a tad deeper? No, there was an edge to it, a subtle rasp that had been absent previously.

“M-m-m-m-Robinwind!” I called out. Why can’t I say his name? “M-m-m-m-m-Robinwind!” Again? “What?”

He uncovered one eye with his hoof. “No. no. Go away. I don’t want this.”

I stomped my right front hoof. “M-m-Robin! It’s me! And you… we’re ponies!” I said with a cheer.

He uncovered both of his eyes and looked up with a most glum expression. I smiled a little.

“I–I’m Lilyheart, right?” I asked.

He frowned. “An-n-n-n-n-Lily? What? An-n-n-n-n-Lil-no-n-n-n-Lilyheart! What?”

“I can’t say your name either. Maybe we can say our own? My name is Lilyheart!” I blinked. “That’s not what I meant to say.”

Matt began a cough stutter. “M-m-m-Robin! My name is Robinwind! No! M-m-Robin! No!”

He covered his eyes again and began rolling about in the grass. “Why am I a horse? I don’t want to be a horse! This is a dream. This is a dream. Please, God, please let this be a dream. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Hail Mary, full of grace…”

This continued for the next several moments while I watched. Soon, I tried lifting up my back legs. The motion caused me to shake. But somehow, the moment I began getting up, I felt a strength in my legs. Like springs pushed in, ready to bounce over a roof. There was an energy, and solidiness within my legs which the shakiness couldn’t suppress.

Once on my… hooves, I felt charged with confidence. Still shaking, I leapt towards Robin and embraced his head with my front hooves, pulling him into a hug. I felt quite epic and heroic, even though there was less than a foot between us.

“Calm down!” Ow. That pitch was sharp. “M-m-m-m-Robin! Blah! It doesn’t matter! Look, I’m here, okay! We’re both here and I need you to calm down!”

He stopped rolling and rested his head into my… arms? Legs, I guess. Front legs. “There, just breathe. Just breathe. You’re okay.”

What happened next surprised me. I heard a sniffle come from under the peanut butter-colored mane. A warm and wet sensation dripping onto my chest– no, barrel? I don’t know. But he was crying.

“How did this happen to us?” he asked between sobs.

“Shhhh,” I whispered and began stroking his mane. “Don’t worry about that right now. Focus on what you can control. You can keep praying if that helps you; but I need you to know that you’re okay. It will be fine.” Where did that come from? I was never this caring before. I mean, I cared. But even when I worked with the little preschoolers who got hurt, I never knew how to comfort them. I just sort of awkwardly led them to the first aid kit and asked them what happened. If anything, Matt was the one who normally comforted me.

“An-n-n-n-Lilyhear–Dang it!” Matt muttered.

“Shhhhh,” I childed again. “It’s okay. Just call me Lilyheart.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I know. But we don’t have a choice. Don’t fight it right now. We’ll figure it out later.”

He lifted his head up. “Let go, I want to wipe my face.”

“Okay.”

I untangled my hooves from around his head and backed up; then watched as Matt glared at his hoof before using it to wipe the tears from his face. “Ow! I can’t tell how far they are from my face! Stupid eyes!”

“Yeah, my vision is still a little weird.”

“It’s the size,” Matt explained. “Bigger retina means objects further away will be blurrier, but we can see up close better. Which doesn’t make sense for horses at all, because they need to see predators from far away.”

“My vision seems fine,” I quipped. Well, it did. But as I looked out into the distance, I realized the trees did seem a little blurry. But it also felt like I could see more of them. Like someone put my vision in landscape mode. “Our eyes must be further apart,” I mused.

“Well, yeah, horses,” said Matt once he finished wiping his face. He still looked a little pathetic, poor thing.

A single lock falling into my vision reminded me of my previous revelation. “I…” my cheeks felt warm again. “I’m a girl.” My right ear did an involuntary flick.

“How do you know?” asked Matt.

“Well, I… give me a moment.”

Since I was back in a sitting position, I scooted around to face away from him, and looked down. I wasn’t entirely ready for what I saw. At first, it seemed entirely plain color, just like the show. But when I focused my eyes, certain anatomy became clear. My cheeks were very warm.

There was a moment I just froze, again not able to process what my eyes were telling me. Finally I forced myself to look away. “I’m a girl,” I said.

“Oh…” muttered Matt.

Amidst the embarrassment, there was another emotion, slowly building up and quickly overwhelming me. The sort of emotion I normally stifled. The sort of emotion I shouldn’t feel. Joy. I let it bubble up and fizzle in my heart, until I decided to just do what I felt like. Throwing caution to the wind, I let the feeling fill my entire little pony body, and leapt up into the air.

“I’M A GIRL! I’m a girl! I’m a girl! Haha, hehe! I’m a girl, I’m a girl!” I kept jumping about. Am I frolicing? It doesn’t matter, I’m a girl! I can frolic if I want! I swung my hooves in a dance mid air between each hop, continuing in a series of giggles. At least until I tripped over myself. “Oof,” I said as I crashed into the ground. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt much.

Somehow, that made it funnier. “Hehe. Haha, hehehehehehe!” I exploded into maniacal laughter while rolling around in the grass. Oh, my belly, pain! I need to stop! I need to stop. I hugged my legs over my belly, desperately wheezing. “Okay, okay,” I gasped.

“I’m happy for you,” Matt told me, with a supporting smile on his face.

“This… this is what I’ve always wanted.”

“I know. Well, the horse part, too?”

“Well, no. Not the horse part. But I’ll take it.” My eyes were a little wet. Oh great, now I’m going to cry? Is this something you just have to do when you first become a pony?

An awkward silence fell between us while I wiped my eyes. I was on my back, and I could see him upside down. The sky, though. Oh, how beautiful was the sky! It was still the same simple pastel blue. But if you looked closely you could see all the different subtle hues. Such a pretty blue, and the warmth of the sun tickled my belly. Just like a cat laying at the sunlit window, I could just nap, right there. Completely free.

“So,” said Matt. “How do we get back?”

“I don’t know. Is there anything like a doorway near us? A portal? Anything?”

I watched Matt look around. I suppose I should get up and help, but I was sooo comfortable! “I don’t see anything. It’s just… the hill. And the trees.”

“So it’s like we were plopped right into the middle of the universe. Not the best sign if we want to get back. But, I assume Twilight might have a way. Even if it means a lot of studying.”

“Twilight?” asked Matt. “She’s not real.”

I frowned at Matt. “We’re ponies. It’s true she might not exist here, but there’s a good chance she just might be real. This is the sort of the stuff I grew up thinking about all the time, so I think I have a pretty good guess as to how this all works.”

“Okay… How?”

“Well, option one is the simplest: Equestria is real. Somehow, and we don’t know how, the show either caused the world to exist, or the show just somehow copied something that was actually happening in another universe.” I used my hooves to make quotation marks over the word universe. “In that case, it’s just a matter of hopping through universes, and we’ll have to find a way. Hopefully, that’s the case, because in that case, we’re just in the middle of one of the seasons.”

“And the other option?”

“That’s the more complicated and scary one,” I answered. “That the show we watched was based loosely on the real Equestria, or the Equestria that spawned from the show is really different. Because, if that’s the case, then you’re right about Twilight not existing here. And in that case, we don’t know anything about the world we just ended up in.”

“How do you think we’re in another world? We could just be in some sort of virtual reality. Or a hallucination of some kind?” Matt asked while looking around, a frown on his face.

“We could be. But the simplest explanation is the best assumption for now. Besides, even if that was the case, we’re technically still stuck in a different world, regardless if it’s contained within our own or not.”

“And that simple explanation is…”

“That we just got ponified and sent to Equestria!”

“But how? Magic?”

“Arthur’s law of magic and all that. I think it was Arthur. Any magic is just advanced technology. Even the elves in Middle-earth just thought of their magic as art. Here–assuming we are in Equestria, and the same Equestria–then the ‘Magic,’ in this world is really just this world’s version of physics.”

“It was Arthur C. Clarke’s Third Law,” said Matt. “But that doesn't actually answer any of my questions.”

I shrugged, which was a little uncomfortable to do on my back. “Some things you just kind of have to accept. Like the Trinity. As long as we can understand the concept, that’s as good as we’re going to get. We don’t have all the pieces, but we have enough to get a general outline of the puzzle.” I grinned. “And that’s all we’ll need.”

Chapter Ten: An Exchange of Insults
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Ten: An Exchange of Insults

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I was surprised I could walk so long without the horse legs growing tired. And even though Andrew’s current form looked to be about the same size and weight as me, somehow he was quite light. But pain still surged every few seconds from the flanks of this wretched horse body, and even if the horse wasn’t tired, I was. We woke up early for the Con, and I had spent the day before driving. So, in the past 48 hours, I’ve only had about seven hours of sleep.

“This is where I leave you,” said Midnight. “Or do you need me to hoof-hold you all the way to the motel? Or perhaps the daycare?”

“I think we’ll be fine from here,” I answered.

Andrew stepped between us. “Does this mean I can talk again?”

“No,” Midnight and I answered in sync. We looked at each other in surprise.

“Mrrrhmmp!” said the batpony.

“Jinx, you two owe me a soda,” Andrew said quietly.

“That’s not how that works!” I told him. Please, not right now, Andrew!

“It’s how it could work!” he said in a stupid singsong voice.

Midnight dramatically opened his beautiful wings. His entire body was something like gothic architecture in pony form. Beautiful, dark, mysterious. If he were a character on the show, I’d love his design, but I’d hate his tough ‘oh, I’m so edgy and cool’ personality. Just get over yourself and smile when people say thank you, dude. It’s not that hard. But he’s the kind of character Andrew would love and rant about while I was trying to prepare for bed or cook dinner.

“Wait, M-M-Midnight!” called Andrew.

The emo pony didn’t bother looking back at us, and swished his tail. But he didn’t fly away; instead he simply stood there, waiting. The batpony rested limply on his back, glaring at Andrew.

“How do we get in touch with you? Wh-w-where do you live?” Andrew asked. Why are you stuttering?

“You don’t,” answered Midnight. With a great gust and a flap of his wings, Midnight took to the air and quickly began ascending to the sky.

“Hrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm!” screeched the batpony through the gag.

“Darn it, Midnight!” Andrew yelled back. “Come back here, you… you… you winged horse, you! I’ll wander around the Everfree Forest again! Next time I see you, my tongue will jabber so quickly you’ll… you’ll cower before my words of esteemed excellence! Dang it! Thank you for saving me, you jerk!” He shook a blue hoof in the air at the quickly disappearing black dot into the violet sky.

“What the heck?” I practically coughed. “Why are you acting like that? He saved us, and led us to Ponyville. Why should he give us anything more?”

“Because he…” Andrew stopped to think. “Because he reminded me of me. When I was depressed. He told me he didn’t have any friends, got angry when I asked about his parents, and even though he acted annoyed, he liked my jokes. Joked back, even. Plus… I don’t know how it looked when he was fighting with the bats, but, when he was fighting the rattlesnatcher… I… it was incredible. I don’t even know how to describe it. He… the monster fr-f-fr-fetting… fetting? What even is that? I wasn’t even trying to cuss. I was trying to say f-f-fr-fetlocks.” Andrew blinked. “I can say jerk, but not f-fr-f-fetlocks? Fetlocks.”

I smirked at his frustration.

“Whatever!” he continued. “The rattlesnatcher fr-fr-fetting snapped a whole tree in half! Like it was nothing! And he fought it. Came out of nowhere and took it out! It took me everything to get out of a single vine, and he just cut through all of them while looking like he was just practicing a ballet routine or something!”

“I didn’t get to see much of what happened with the batponies. I was really disoriented when he was tying up the one you saw him carrying. And by the time I could actually stand up again,” I ‘hoofed’ the ground. “I noticed you were unconscious and tried to wake you up. Midnight told me there were others, but they got away.”

“How did he react to me being unconscious, by the way?” Andrew said with a devious smirk and a risen eyebrow.

“Why do you want to know? I don’t think it’s important.” The teasing goes both ways, Andrew.

“Because he smiled at one of my jokes! I saw it! He pretended to not care, but he saved me! Tell me, please!” Andrew dropped to the ground and wrapped his forelegs around mine. Her eyes–his eyes had three sparkles again and his pupils got wide.

“Okay, okay, get off!” I jumped away. “He didn’t react at all. No expression. He just walked over to you and put his hoof on your forehead. After that, he picked you up and put you on my back and said he thought you would be fine.”

Andrew looked thoughtful for a moment and suddenly turned away. Wait, was that a–

“How’d you get there, anyway? You came out of the sky, didn’t you?” He looked back at me.

It was my turn to look away. Stupid ears, twitching. Stupid tail, swishing. “Discord.”

“Discord? What did he want?” I could see Andrew out of my peripheral, his blue head tilting to the side. “And was he reformed or evil?”

“I don’t know.” Tail still swishing. “He… offered me a chance to go home. And to be a h-h-h-horse…” Silence. Lil-Andrew waited expectantly for me to finish. “You know what I mean.”

“And what did you say?”

Dang, Andrew! Always perceptive. Always the questions. I looked down at the valley, to the tiny little flickering lights growing dimmer in the steadily brightening sky. “I said I wouldn’t leave without you. And then…”

“And then he sent you barreling towards me like a comet?”

“Yes.” Wait. No.

Silence. My heart throbbed. I shuffled the horse legs into the grass, watching how the grass bent under the movement.

“Thank you,” said Andrew. “Always my Samwise the Brave!”

I chuckled. “Anything, Mr. Frodo.”

How prrrrrrecious.

“Mrs. Frodo,” corrected Andrew. “Wait, I mean Miss Frodo.”

The horse tail flicked. “I don’t want to talk about what Discord made me see. I want to get to Ponyville soon. This has been a very long day. And night.”

Suddenly I was tackled. Andrew was wrapped around my heck.

“Ah!” I yelped. “What are you doing?!”

“What does it look like? I’m hugging you!”

“W-well, get off! Not when I don’t expect it!” His grip became tighter. “Seriously, An-n-Lily, let g-go!”

A moment later, I tripped and found my head pressed into the wet grass with Andrew’s current form atop me. The dew soaked blades smelt sweet. “Lilyheart!”

“Sorry!” he squeaked while jumping up.

I stood up slowly after him and used one of the hooves to wipe the water from the muzzle. Why can’t you be normal? Why can’t I stop thinking like this? Holy Jesus… why do thoughts like this always come up in my head? I need sleep.

“Uh, Robin, what is that?” Andrew was pointing a hoof at my flank–at the flank.

“I was attacked by a bunch of porcupine things. Midnight said they were probably something called puckwudgies.”

Andrew walked around me. A moment later, he made a spluttering cough. And then a loud, cackling laugh. I turned around to find him with a hoof over her mouth, poorly covering a smile.

“It isn’t funny,” I said with a frown.

Lil–Andrew burst into a series of giggles and collapsed to the ground, rolling back and forth, her legs flailing about. “You look like a turkey!” She cackled, slapping her forehoof into the grass. “Puckwudgies? Those little things attacked you?”

I felt myself blush. The horse tail swished back and forth. That hurts, you stupid thing!

Andrew burst into yet another series of giggles.

And before I could help it, a smile began cracking on my face, too.

“Your tail is like a fiber optic Christmas Tree!”

Suddenly, I was laughing, too. I buried my face into my front legs while Lilyheart continued her maniacal tossing about. We laughed like that until the sun crawled up over the neighboring mountains.

“Well, you look like Smurfette!” I shot back between laughs.

“You look like one of those cheap My Little Horse knock off toys!”

“You look like moldy bread that grew fur!”

“You look like a s'more somep-p-pony dropped in the fire!”

“You look like mold somep-pony sprayed cheese whiz on!”

“Hey, you already used that one!” said Lilyheart.

“It’s true, why change it?”

Lilyheart put a hoof to her chest, assuming the pose she made when putting on a character. “I,” she declared, “Am a divine creation, cut from the summer morning sky, and formed from the sunlit dyed clouds!”

I only snorted in response. And then continued in cackling.

“Okay, that was supposed to be funny, but not that funny!” complained Lilyheart.

Control. Get control. Breathe. Just breathe. “You j–jerk. Calling me a turkey!” I coughed out. “These hurt, you know? I’ve been putting up with them all night!”

“I’m sorry!” exclaimed Lilyheart with a bright smile. “Here, I’ll get them out!”

“With what?”

Lilyheart looked at her forelegs with a frown. An idea seemed to hit her. “I got it! Just need to hold still.”

Before I could do anything, she leapt over to me, bit down on a quill, and pulled. Pain shot through my side.

“Ow! What are you doing?”

She spat out a green quill. “What does it look like?”

“I don’t want you to pull them out with your mouth!”

“I had to do more disgusting things when I worked in special ed,” she said, reaching for another.

I leapt away. “I don’t want you doing it!”

“We have to get them out somehow,” she countered.

“Yes, but not you! I want a professional to do it. Or Twilight might just use her magic to take them out all at once! It’s too weird if you do it!”

“Fiiiiiinnnne,” she whined. “But only if you get the soda you owe me!”

“I don’t owe you a soda!”

Author's Note

Fet. I tried to keep from using this word, but it seemed like the natural choice. Somehow freaking didn't seem an appropriate euphemism for ponies. More credit to Jet_Black1980.

And more credit to the splendid Rainy, my favorite proofreader.

Chapter Two: The Other Hoof
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Two: The Other Hoof

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I couldn’t feel my hands. My head was too close to the ground. I want to move my hands. Nothing feels right about this body. I feel confined. I don’t know how Andrew could be so happy.

I look over his… (her?) silly smile. It repulsed me. I hated making these characters. I only created them to make Andrew happy. And now I’m stuck with it.

“Whoa. Um… M-m-m-Robin, I don’t suppose you see that?” Andrew with his leg (her hooves?).

But there was a thing in the sky. I don’t like seeing things in the sky. Birds are okay. So are planes. And clouds or stars. Those things are supposed to belong in the sky. I don’t like things that aren’t supposed to be in the sky. And that definitely isn’t supposed to be in the sky. Horses don’t belong in the sky.

It was a small black stick figure that quickly grew larger, until I made out blurry features. Stupid eyes. Yep. It was a horse. With wings. Grey, with splashes of yellow and brown. Oh no. Don’t tell me…

The figure wasn’t coming towards us, but was merely passing by. It looked to us, and a single limb shook back and forth. No. I don’t like this.

Andrew waved back. Ew. Broken legs. Horse legs are not supposed to bend like that. Lilyheart then quickly swung around on her belly (his belly?). “Pegasus!” she (he?) cheered with a goofy grin. It was hard to think of Andrew as a boy when he did something as girly as that with that voice. But Andrew is a boy. Yet the figure in front of me was clearly a mare. I made the figure! I knew the features. The rounded snout, the mascara eyelashes, the shorter horn, the two sparkles per eye… I could trace her figure completely with my eyes, each line and curve, which I had drawn with my hands.

Vision didn’t make sense. The contour lines were too thick. But I drew Lilyheart that way because that’s how the show did it. It made sense in a cartoon. But nothing makes sense here. I wasn’t happy.

“Robinwind?” asked Andrew.

“Nothing. I’m just happy for you,” I said.

And there… her grin returned, even bigger than before. A third sparkle even appeared in her eyes. I couldn’t fix everything for him–her, but at least I could make her smile. But I also had to make sure to not lose him. “You realize we have to go home though, right?” I cocked my head to the side, and one of my ears titled involuntarily. Dang it.

“Well… yes. But it might take a while. Weeks, even,” she said with her head leaning on her hoof. Ew. Ew. Broken leg. Nausea in my stomach. Nausea was supposed to be in that part of my stomach, not that part. And knowing that made it worse.

“Please stop,” I said in a panic. “Please, bend your leg back!”

“Oh–okay,” came that cute voice. I looked back up and she was sitting like a dog again.

“I’ll be fine,” I mumbled. I lifted up my arm to cover my mouth. I just about slugged my chin instead. Dang it! I swallowed and gently placed my… hoof on my mouth. Uuggggghhhhh.

“Broken legs?” Andrew asked weakly, pawing at the ground. “It’s actually kind of cool. My legs are just kind of elastic. I won’t practice right now, of course. I wonder if we can do the Pinkie Pie thing with our necks…”

If you’re saying this to distract me, you’re doing a terrible job.

“Oh,” Lilyheart suddenly exclaimed. She looked like she was going to move her legs back up again, but then suddenly put them back down. Her face shot up towards me with a big expectant gleam in her eyes. “I totally forgot! Am I a unicorn?”

“Yep,” I coughed.

“Yeeeeeheeeheee!” Lilyheart cheered and did a little dance, hopping back up and down again. “I’m a unicorn! I’m a unicorn! No way!” She started to lift her front legs but stopped again, before darting her eyes as far up as she could, evidently trying to look at her horn. She also managed to look like a complete doofus in the process. “Also, you’re an earth pony, by the way. Just like you drew Robinwind.”

“Great,” I said. “Of all the ponies I could be. I could have chosen to fly or to have magic. Instead I chose to be the most useless race.”

“Well, you’re probably really strong!” It was her turn to cock her head. “I figure there’s basically two types of earth ponies: strong ones like AJ and… fun ones like Pinkie Pie. You’re more the type to be like AJ, though, so I bet you basically have super strength.”

“That’s still worthless compared to the other options.” I finally placed my hoof back on the ground. Wait, did I also–

“Well… yeah, I guess that’s true,” answered Lilyheart with a shrug. “Still… some-p-p-pony has to be the muscle, right?”

“What’s the point if you can just use magic to lift anything you want? Twilight could take care of, like the whole apple orchard in a day!” My ears! Stop twitching!

“But there’s always something that magic can’t take care of. I figure it’s like DnD. Even if you can lift something telepathically, you still have to make a strength roll for it.” Always an opinion and answer for everything.

“Like the Force?” I asked.

“Yeah!”

“That’s still lame compared to magic or flying.”

“Well, that’s true.”

“I think it would be a wisdom check, by the way. Or maybe knowledge. But I don’t know, and I can’t check, because I’m stuck in a stupid cartoon!” I exclaimed.

The cartoon horse in front of me blinked, and her smile wavered. Her ears drooped ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry. That was mean.”

“What?” she asked. “You did nothing wrong!”

“But you’re happy, and I don’t want to spoil that.”

“But you’re not happy. I know this isn’t as exciting for you as it is for me. You have to express your emotions, too,” the cartoon horse pressed. Andrew pressed.

“I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I want you to be happy.”

Lilyheart seemed to consider this for a moment, her ears fidgeting. “Okay.”

I need to calm down. Just like she said. It was becoming way too easy to think of Andrew as a she. But if I want him to be happy… maybe I should just pretend that this is a big adventure. Afterall, it’s not like I didn’t like My Little Pony, too. I enjoyed it, even if not as much as Andrew.

“So, off to Ponyville?” I asked.

“What makes you think Ponyville is nearby?”

“This looks like the area around Ponyville. Plus, why else would Derpy be here?” I resisted the urge to sigh when I said Derpy.

“Wait, you saw Derpy?!”

Involuntarily I gave out something that was between cough and a laugh. And a whinny. Ugh. “Duh! You waved at her!”

“Oh. I didn’t know that was Derpy. It could have been any grey pegasus.”

I face hoofed. Wait, I did what!? “She’s not the only derp here.” Oh, shoot, that was mean! I should not have said that!

But Lilyheart only burst into a giggle. I never could understand Andrew. Sometimes, I had to walk on eggshells with him. Okay, most of the time. But then I say something that’s actually rude, and she laughs? He? Ugh. Now Lilyheart was gazing past me, an odd dreamy expression on her face.

“Well,” she said. “I suppose we head the direction Derpy did? Or rather, Suspected Derpy.”

“There is no suspicion! It was Derpy!” I hoofed the ground. Have I mentioned I hate this body?

Lilyheart only giggled again, and pointed her hoof. “Well, after you, my good sir!”

Author's Note

Well, there we go; two chapters of my first fanfiction.

I have to thank Jet_Black1980 for giving me the idea to make p-p-p-p-ponies stutter when trying to refer to their former lives. And for writing My Little Heartbreak series thereby inspiring me to try my own h-h-h-hoof at fanfiction.

Criticism is appreciated, since I'd love to grow as a writer. My biggest concern is that what I've written simply isn't interesting. I'm also having some tense issues. I have an instinct to switch to present tense to make the action seem more pressing and immediate. Simultaneously, I wanted to try just having characters throw their thoughts out, rather than the classic, 'Well, this is what I'm thinking,' technique. Put the two together, and the tense changes feel awkward.

Chapter Three: Practice Makes Pony
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Three: Practice Makes Pony

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I watched Robinwind lift himself up all the way for the first time. His legs were shaky, just like a newborn foal. But I could also see the strength there, too. Even though he was the same size as me, there was a solidness to how he was built. His front leg trembled even more as he took a slow step forward. Was that sweat on his face? Goodness, he’s having a hard time.

“I think…” I chirped. “Wait, nevermind.” Before I gave him advice, I better experiment myself to see if I’m right, shouldn’t I?

I pushed myself up. Same shaky legs. No, no. Not like that. I closed my eyes and took a breath. Rather than thinking about my legs, I instead just thought about getting up. It worked. I opened my eyes. Okay, now for the next step. Go over there!

My head bent forward a little. Okay, not too helpful. Hoof, move! I lifted it, and felt it shake a little. No, that’s not right. Instinct! Instinct! Let your instinct take over!

“Huh, before I could move by not even thinking about it. So then…” I muttered. I want to go over there, and I’m happy! I bounded towards a tree. Okay, that’s fast. Stop, please. And there I was, four feet–no, four hooves on the ground. And I’m next to the tree!

“Ha! It works!” I backed up to turn around and trotted back over to Robin. Whoa, super close. Ponies are fast. “You just have to let your instincts take over! Don’t think about your hooves, just let them do their thing.” I gave a little hop as I chattered.

Robinwind stood quiet and still for a moment. He blinked. “Okay, nothing happening.”

I giggled and gave another hop. “For me, it's just because of how happy I am. I just think, ‘Oh, I’m happy,’ and pounce over to wherever I want! See?” I hopped around him, circling him. I hope that isn’t annoying. Okay, let’s try something new. I marched forward, like a little army pony. One hoof, two hoof! Ha, it works!

“Horses start walking almost immediately after they’re born. So I guess it being instinct makes sense,” Robin mused. “Okay…” I watched as he glared at the closest tree… and then shot forth like a bullet! …and faceplanted straight into the tree.

Robin peeled off the trunk and plopped back to the ground. Wait, are those actual birds? “What the h-h-hay? What the hay? Hay?” Whatever. I bounded over to him. Yep, actual tiny yellow birds were flapping in a circle around his head, and his eyes were spinning out of sync for each other. Not the only derp, am I? I waved a hoof around his head and watched the birds give annoyed chirps before dispersing and recollecting on a tree branch.

“Are you okay?” I asked Robin.

“I want to go home,” He grumbled.

“That’s probably a yes.” I put a hoof on his back. “You actually did really good! I haven’t even moved that fast yet! You just have to get used to… getting to things faster than you’d think you’d get there.”

Robin made a deep rumbling sound.

***

We spent several minutes practicing how to walk… is ‘walk’ even the right word? Well, we practiced trotting, too.

With my back turned to Robin, I tried bending my legs to see what they were capable of. My ‘wrists,’ ‘elbows,’ and shoulders could all swing 360 degrees. So cool. Just watching it, along with the sensation; I could feel the joints moving about. It was like watching a Claymation film for the first time, or messing with play-Doh snakes.

But eventually I realized I could curve my entire leg to make an arc. The joints and bones interlocked like a ripple up a chain. Except I could feel it. I wanted to show Robin, but definitely not right now; he wasn’t ready. I would also wait before mentioning that he had been bending his legs the wrong way without even realizing it. Of course, that reminded me of the other things I wanted to try.

“Let’s see here, how does this work…”

I turned my head to my left. Dang. I could swing it further than before without feeling strained. I was now facing solidly to my left side. There was just the slightest feeling of stiffness. But it still felt like…

I turned my head further. Further. A little more. A little more. I was now facing directly behind myself. I watched Robin practice walking slowly, methodical in each step he took. There was a tension building in my neck, but no pain. I felt like a solid piece of rubber being twisted. But let's go a little more.

Twist, twist… Does this mean I’m still going on my left, or am I now turning on my right? I guess it’s the left side of my body because that’s the direction–no, that doesn’t make sense, because there’s my right shoulder. I guess humans don’t have to deal with this question because we’re always facing forward.

And I was facing forward again. I just turned my neck 360 degrees, and I’m still alive. Ha! I smiled. A warmth built up in my chest… barrel? Is it the barrel on the inside, too? Whatever. I felt… is this what accomplishment feels like? And with that, I lost my focus.

The tension in my neck was released, and my head quickly spun around, and with a SNAP my neck was back to normal.

“Oh, that felt weird.” I blinked and simply sat still to process what had happened. It reminded me of when I, of all things, went horseback riding at summer camp. The horse I rode decided to buck another horse behind us. I went from perpendicular to the ground, parallel, then back to perpendicular so fast I didn’t even understand what had happened until the kid behind me told me so. Candy was that horse’s name. I loved her, but oh did she ever challenge me at every point she could. But I liked that. I think we had mutual respect by the time camp was over.

I twisted my neck left, and then right again, and then shook my head to get out the stiff feeling. The curls bounced back and forth. My curls! Such a divine sensation! Eeeee! Goosebumps down my neck!

I leaned backwards to plop on my back, though I had to adjust for my tail. My tail! I had a tail! That beautiful sky! I sighed and lifted up a hoof into the air. Different shades, both… pretty. Everything gave me euphoria. I should have tried harder to appreciate life back home. There’s nothing about being a human that keeps you from laying down in the grass and soaking up the sun. Nor about being a boy. Why couldn’t I simply be happy with what I had? Because… because… I searched my memories and searched my past. A web and tangled threads of action and reaction, choices and consequences. I tried, didn’t I, God?

I shouldn’t be happy now, should I? I don’t deserve it. I didn’t do anything to be happy. I swallowed, and felt tears forming in my eyes. Really? I used to never cry! Even when I wanted to. It must be this body. I let the tears flow freely down the sides of my cheeks. After everything I did, how can I be happy? After what I’ve done?

But happiness isn’t about what you deserve. No one would deserve happiness in that case. You know this.

Am I allowed to be happy? Am I allowed to move on? Oh, how I hate those words. The tears started coming down even faster. I sniffled. The waves of emotion were overwhelming. I whimpered. No, keep it inside. I whimpered again. No, no, Robinwind will hear. Stop. The next thing I knew, I was sobbing. Loudly.

“A-Lilyheart, what happened?”

I put my hooves over my face. “Ah kamf stah. Mmmp kwuu!” Great. This happened the last time I cried, too. When I was ten. “Ahfff fffiph!”

“Did you hurt something?” Robinwind looked completely at a loss. Like after you’ve tricked a dog and it doesn’t know what happened to the ball you just hid in a pocket.

“No!” I managed between sobs. “F-f-fffffine!”

“You’re… fine?” Robin asked, his head cocked to the side, his ears pointed to the ground.

I spluttered a giggle. “I’m fine,” I said with a massive breath, before sobbing again. Oh gosh, I’m a mess. What is happening? Can I go back to hopping up and down again?

“Oh gosh, I need a tissue!” I whined. Wait, I whined? I rolled over back onto my legs, in what was basically the loaf position. Ooooh, I get to loaf, now!

“I don’t have one,” said Robin.

I looked at him in confusion.

“A tissue. I don’t have one.”

I spat in laughter. “Really? You don’t have one? I wasn’t asking!” I cackled.

“Well, you just said…” Robin pursed his lips and pawed the ground. “What happened, anyway?”

“N-nothing. I think this body has some getting used to.”

“Did you hurt something?”

“No, I mean,” I wanted to tap my forehead, but stopped myself. “Mentally. Emotionally. I… I think I… hormones. I don’t even know if estrogen is what mares have. Or even if that’s the same thing for ponies. Cartoon ponies. But the emotion just… overwhelmed me. I’m not used to that.” I smiled. “Actually, I feel better now! Come on, let’s get to Ponyville!”

Robin looked at me strangely as I bounced up. “This way, right?”

“Yeah…” he muttered.

***

Walking as a pony was fun. There was something just neat about it. Clop, clop, clop. Though, it’s not like we were actually making that noise, since we were walking on grass and dirt. I’d make the sound myself, like the guy who followed around Arthur in the Holy Grail, but it would probably annoy Robin. He was at my left, scrutinizing the scenery. Or maybe he was frowning because walking was still hard for him?

A shot of blue and yellow caught my eye. “Hey, a butterfly! First sign of life we’ve seen! Well, besides the birds.”

“There’s been a few of those,” Robin muttered as the birdsong continued overhead.

“There were also yellow ones. I’m not really sure how that worked,” I mumbled as I approached the butterfly. It hovered for a moment, and then settled on my nose (snout?). I slowly looked back over to Robin with a smile.

“You match,” he said with a smile back.

I suppressed a laugh, but it was too much. The butterfly fluttered off. “Aw.” We watched as it flew up into the branches of the tree above us. “It’s looking more and more like we’re in an Equestria we know. Wildlife… even a bug, would never be so friendly like that. And… how we can bend our limbs, and what we look like…”

Robin nodded. “I wonder why only we ended up here, though. No one else from the Con is here.”

“I mean, it had to have something to do with the comic we opened,” I responded as we continued on.

“Yeah, but, we weren’t the only ones looking at those. Even if it was only the very single one we looked at, any-b-b-b-pony else could…” Robin blinked. “Really?”

“Anyb-b-b-pony,” I tried. “Me too.”

“Dang it!” Robin rolled his eyes. “Why did I have to lose my words? And my name? Wasn’t turning me into a pony enough?”

“Sorry.”

“Well, it’s not your fault. It was my idea to go to the Con. And anyway, I think I dropped the comic on the floor right before I blacked out and ended up here. So any… pony could have picked it up after us. But, no ponies appearing after us.”

I scrunched my face while I considered what Robin said. “In Narnia, the wardrobe was originally from Narnia itself. The only reason they could get to Narnia was because magic from that world has already been brought into ours…”

“But the wardrobe was made from a tree that grew over the rings, and the rings were an invention,” Robin interjected. “But I don’t think fiction is the best way to figure out reality. I mean, CS Lewis just invented that. But this, this is real.”

“Fiction is the only way to speculate on these sort of things, though. Science-fiction started out with authors really trying to understand how technology would affect p-p-p-p-ponies,” I blinked and Robin side-eyed me. “And fantasy was about trying to figure out the h-h-h-h-horse heart.” I blinked again. “Okay, this might get old. But all we can do is speculate! And that’s what fantasy and science-fiction is about, at the heart: speculation. Exploration. Those quest–”

“Lilyheart, stop!”

I froze and followed his eyes. “Oh.”

“This is a problem,” he said.

Before us was a tangle of thick, black, thorny trees. We were on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest.

Chapter Four: The Everfree Forest
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Four: The Everfree Forest

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Gnarled branches. A deep black contrast from the colorful pastel everywhere else. The birdsong had stopped. An eerie silence suddenly filled the air. Was it colder? But inside, what I felt was fear. Something choking up inside my chest, something that hissed at me saying, “This place is unnatural!”

Yet the feeling itself was unnatural. Alien. This was the feeling of a horse’s fear, not the human instincts I’m supposed to have.

“Oh, we are so not going in there,” mumbled Lilyheart.

“Agreed,” I mumbled back. I didn’t need stupid horse instincts to tell me to stay out of Everfree. Forever more.

“Still… I kind of have a longing to go in,” Lilyheart mused.

“I am not getting eaten by a timberwolf.” Flashes of the woody monsters jumped into my mind, and two small ponies limp in their jaws. It was the sort of thing I would draw and laugh at before. I wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Oh, I know. It’s just… you know, the sort of call of adventure; the sense of wonder. Like we’re on the edge of something… something… Something that you can’t quite put a name to.”

My ears twitched. Grrr. Still, beneath my fear was exactly the sort of feeling Andrew described. “It reminds me of Subcon.”

Lilyheart snorted. “Your least favorite level?”

“Yes, my least favorite level.”

“I’d rather face a timberwolf than Snatcher.”

“Why?” I asked as my tail flicked. Both Andrew and I refused to look away from the forest. “You can reason with Snatcher. Timberwolves just want to eat you.”

“But that’s why. Snatcher’s evil. Timberwolves just want to eat. Snatcher choo–”

Two curved yellow eyes appeared in the darkness, like twin crescent moons. Andrew and I tensed. A moment passed as the eyes stared at us, and we stared back.

“Yeah, we see you too,” Andrew said nonchalantly.

“Don’t antagonize it!” I whispered.

“You haven’t seen the episode. Rarity talked to one of the eyes. Called it out and made it afraid of her. The eyes are harmless,” Andrew explained, his… her tail sweeping across the grass. “Aren’t you fella? I don’t suppose you want to show yourself? And maybe give us directions to Ponyville?”

The eyes blinked, and slowly faded away.

“I guess you don’t have Fluttershy’s talent. Or Rarity’s,” I quipped.

Lilyheart flicked his…her tail, and Andrew grumbled a little in annoyance.

“Let’s leave,” I said while trying to back up. I lifted… my back hoof, but found I didn’t know how to go backwards. I didn’t practice that before. Fine, I’ll just turn around. Though the truth was, I didn’t want to have my back to the forest so close.

“But how are we supposed to get to Ponyville? It’s on the other side of the forest!” Lil–Andrew asked as sh–he followed.

“I don’t know. We’ll have to skirt around it.” Which meant turning to our left or right. But not this close to Everfree.

And suddenly I realized it was darker.

“Whoa,” whispered Lilyhear–Andrew. “Celestia must be lowering the sun.”

Actually, I was wrong about it being darker. Colors were darker. That isn’t how light or color works back home. Human eyes can’t see color as they start losing light. But I could clearly still see color, just colors with darker shades than before. It doesn’t make any sense at all! Ugh! I hate being here!

“I think we’re going to have to wait before trying to figure out how to get to Ponyville, An-n-n-n-Lilyheart,” I finished with a roll of my eyes. “We should probably find a place to stay for the night.”

Lil–Andrew looked around. “But where? It’s not like we can build a shelter or find a tent laying around.”

“We’ll have to sleep under a tree. I don’t like it, but that’s much safer than walking around in the dark. Particularly not like this,” I motioned with my hooves. “Let’s hurry up and get a little further from Everfree.”

“W–wait!” urged Andrew.

“What?”

She–he was looking up and walking in a circle. “The trees here are the tallest besides the Everfree ones, if we can climb them, we might be able to see Ponyville, or how far Everfree Forest reaches in the direction we’re going.”

“And how do you expect to climb them?” I motioned with my hooves again.

Lilyh–Andrew was still searching for a decent tree. “I’m not sure yet…” She turned… He turned to me with a smug grin. “Trixie.”

“Trixie. What does Trixie have to do with anything?”

Her grin got bigger. “We’re not flawless,” she sang lightly.

Wow. Andrew was never a good singer. Actually, he was a terrible singer. But what just came out of the little pony’s mouth was a voice clear as crystal, solidly hitting each note. It was a voice I could imagine on the show.

“W…W-What about it?”

Lilyheart (Andrew?) blinked. “Oops! Sorry, wrong song. I always get those two mixed up here. Let’s see here…” She tapped her hoof to an invisible beat. Eventually nodding her head to it as well. “Best friends! (Best friends!) Until the end of time! (Until the end of time!)”

What? How are you making the echo?!

“We’ve got each other’s backs, (backs!)

And let our true selves shine! (selves shine!)

And that’s because everything we need is all right here,

When we’re with our team!”

Lilyheart beamed. I felt my heart tug in two directions at the sight. It was ugly to me; ponies were meant to stay in the tv. But… she was so happy.

“D-do you get what I mean?” she asked.

A flash of Trixie running straight up a tree, a trio of red-eyed, angry ponies chasing after her flashed in my mind. Really, couldn’t you have just said that? I nodded. “But… are you really going to just try to run straight up a tree?”

“We won’t know if it works until we try it!” With a look of determination on her blue face, Lilyheart moved into a position much like a dog that had gotten ahold of a toy and wanted to play. Or maybe a cat about to pounce on a mouse. She lowered her barrel to the ground, her rump in the air, tail wagging back and forth. Her tongue stuck out, her ears folded down, and her eyes locked on to what I assume was a tree to my left.

“W–wait!” I cried and jumped in front of her just as she began to lurch forward.

“What?” she asked while recovering from slipping on her right hoof.

“Let me do it! I’ll run up the tree.”

“Okay… but I’m the one better on my hooves. It should be me.”

“But you said I was probably stronger, right?” I countered while taking a look at the tree she had just tried to charge after. No wonder she had picked that one. It grew in a slight angle. “Besides, I need to practice, anyway, so please, let me do it.”

She looked me over and considered it. “Okay.”

“Right,” I said, and switched places with her. “By the way, I don’t think the way you were going to try was the best. You looked…” Ugh, how do I finish that sentence? “...Like a dog.”

“Bark, bark,” Lilyheart mimicked in a monotone. “If you’re going to do this, you’re going to have to let your instincts take over. And my instincts told me that that position was the best way to start a run from.”

“Well, my instincts tell me I don’t have to do that.” Really my horse instincts told me nothing. I was ignoring them at every turn. My human instincts told me if I formed that position, a little more of my dignity would die.

I hoofed the ground with my right leg. Ugh. Great, so much for doing this without giving into horse-stincts. I felt my ears flatten over my head. My tail flicked back and forth. I hoofed the ground again, and focused on the target. The memory of a quickly approaching tree trunk popped into my head, followed by pain throughout my body. The weird sensation of everything being flattened, and then sprung back to normal. Not this time.

I charged. Crisp air whipping past. My mane flapping. My hooves like springs firing off the ground. The tree went from there to here in a flash. Lift your hoof!

And then I was trotting upwards. It felt like a roller coaster. Or in a video game when your character falls and your balance goes haywire. Suddenly I could see the stars peeking out from the black webbing of the branches, amidst a purple-pinkish sky. And then I was at the top of the tree.

“Ahh!” I yelped and scrambled my legs in place. I started falling.

Findabranchfindabranchfindabranch!

I made wild grabbing motions and quickly found myself hugging a limb. My heart pounded from my barrel against the wood.

“You’re doing great!” Lilyheart cheered.

How am I supposed to get down?

“Do you see anything?”

I see a blue cupcake with yellow frosting and a ground that is way farther away than it ought to be!

“You can do it!” the blue cupcake cheered again. You’re being awfully supportive.

I breathed heavily. I don’t recall being this afraid of heights before. Probably because I have hooves!

“Ro-bin! Wind! Ro-bin! Wind!” Lilyheart wasn’t even looking at me now. Instead she was giving a hop for every syllable.

I could have been a pegasus. But no, I had to prefer natural looking ponies.

“Ro-bin! Wind! Ro-bin! Wind!”

Oh, I hate that name.

“Ro-bin! Wind! Ro-bin! Wind!”

Ugh. Slowly, I unwrapped my unsteady legs from around the branch, and gently began placing my weight on them to lift myself up. Oh, wobbly legs, wobbly legs!

I looked left. I looked right.

“Lilyheart. I can’t see a thing. All the branches are in the way. And I think the other trees are too tall.” I did this all for nothing.

“Well… you looked cool when you climbed up.”

“And I have no idea how I’m going to get down.” I let my body rest against the branch and wrapped my legs around it again.

“You could try hopping to different tree branches. Just like Hat Kid!”

Hat Kid isn’t real.

“Or maybe I could–”

Lilyheart’s cold scream broke through the forest.

“Lilyheart!” I called.

I looked down to see a blue pony thrashing about on the ground. Dragged. Quickly.

“Something gra–” Another scream.

“Lilyheart!”

I watched helplessly as she disappeared into the Everfree Forest, her voice giving way to silence. The sun set, draining the forest of any bright color left.

Chapter Five: The Guardian
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Five: The Guardian

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I’ve been a girl for less than half a day and I’m already a damsel in distress. Honestly, I’m not even complaining. I was distressed before. Might as well be a damsel.

Also, I screamed. I don’t normally scream. Like, my voice isn’t meant to be loud. I could give Fluttershy a run for ‘Most Ignored Creature.’ You know rallies and stuff like that where people all yell and cheer for their favorite sports team, or something? When I do that, my voice comes out something like, I don’t know, a dying aye-aye. I don’t know what aye-ayes sound like, dying or otherwise, but just think about one and imagine it. That was me trying to cheer as a human.

But now I can scream properly. And screaming makes me feel more girly. And feeling girly makes me feel happy inside but also a little embarrassed. Of course, now that the surprise was over, I didn’t feel like screaming anymore. But I suppose I should try to let Robin know where I am, shouldn’t I? Well, here goes nothing…

I shrieked. And I shrieked again. My ears folded backwards. Goodness, I can really do this now. The sound hurt. More shrieking. This is getting old. I’ve been falling for thirty minutes! Or was it twenty? I know it’s only been, like, two, but I mean Loki. How long did he fall? And why doesn’t being dragged like this hurt?

Trees whizzed past, and even if I could grab ahold of something on the ground, whatever it was wrapped around my ankle… cannon? Is that what those are called? Whatever, it could very well just yank my whole leg off. Not that I was worried too much about this body; it might very well be made of rubber. But rubber has its limits, doesn’t it? Pain still seared into my leg. I needed to know what this was.

Okay, let’s try this. Using the three legs I had, I lifted myself up into a jump and flipped over to my back. Ha! This is also becoming my favorite pony position, isn’t it?

“Let’s see what you are…” I mumbled and lifted my head up.

What I could make out was a thorny black vine wrapped at least thrice my cannon.

“What’s this? Are these the seeds that Discord planted?” I looked up to see if I could make out where I was going, but off into the distance I could only make out hazy darkness. Oh, I don’t like this.

I let my head fall back. The ground scratching my back was a bit like a massage.

“God, please help.” Not that I deserved help. But it’s not about deserved, is it? “Do you want me to try scrambling and grabbing a hold of things, or just sit here and pray?”

How is Catholicism compatible with Equestria? Honestly, how does any belief system hold up in light of a world full of magical ponies? Still, I learned a while ago that some things you just can’t understand. Only when you accept that things start to make sense.

Well, God, if this is my time, I accept it. Please take me home. Thank you that I got to be a girl, first. This has been… the best day of my life, I think. Getting eaten by some evil tree isn’t going to change that.

No. That’s how I used to be. Too cerebral. Always thinking. Never feeling. Never trying. I’ve done the depression thing. But the joy I felt today? I’m going to fight for it.

“Not today, thorn vine thing! I’m a pony, and you're not going to take away my happiness! Big Sister, I could use your help!”

And with that, I lunged for a tree branch. A log. A rock. Anything.

My hooves scrambled across a smattering of twigs and roots. I managed to hold on to one particular root for a second, but the vine pulled tighter, and I lost my footing… hoofing? Hooving?

“I. Said. Not. To. Day!” I slammed my two front hooves into the ground and dug them into the dirt. Still it dragged me, but much slower.

“Grrrrrrrrrrr,” I growled through gritted teeth. “You.” I pushed my hooves down deeper. “Will. Not. Win.”

I was slowing. But the vine tugged harder. My cannon hurt. Use the pain. Use the pain.

My front hooves suddenly caught on something hard. I couldn’t bother to be concerned with what it was. All I know is that with the new support, I had now slowed to a stop.

The vine and I remained still in a mostly quiet tug-a-war. My back left leg pointed straight backward, while my right one flailed useless for a while. Finally, I managed to dig it into the dirt, and gained a little more support. But it hurt.

My front legs were on fire. My jaw clenched and I felt like I was going to burst a blood vessel in my face. I was shaking. My breath made little puff sounds as it struggled to escape my pursed lips.

But amidst this all, I was becoming aware of another sensation: the feeling of the vine slipping. Even as it did so, it tightened even more in a desperate attempt to cling on to me. Almost like… a predator unwilling to relinquish its prey.

Slip. Slip. A little more. But the pain was unbearable. I felt my eyes bulging out of their sockets. I whimpered. I was tired. Pain. Pain. Pain! With what little brain power I had, I still prayed. Pain! Pain!

I screamed.

And suddenly, freedom. My back left leg collapsed to the ground and the rest of my body followed. I heard the crash of leaves and bushes behind me as the vine disappeared into the darkness. And for the third time since becoming a pony, I found myself crying. Was it the pain? Was it the fear?

It didn’t occur to me until that moment that what I experienced was scary. That was fear. For all the jokes which played in my head, my prayers acting like everything was fine, my fake confidence against the vine… I was afraid.

I hugged myself, and continued to whimper as the little tears flowed.

My left back leg still hurt. I wasn’t sure I could walk with it. Still, in the show ponies walked with three legs all the time. So it ought to be okay, right? So long as I can get out of the Everfree Forest. I tried to wipe my face with my hooves. They were sore.

Shaking leaves behind me. I didn’t have time to turn around.

Suddenly, the vine wrapped itself around my back left hoof again. And my back right hoof. And my front hooves. And my body. A quick lurch backward. I found myself in the air pulled like before. It wasn’t one vine, it was several. And now, I was helpless.

I shrieked.

And something shrieked behind me… more like a rattle.

The vines whipped me around.

Before me was a monster. Nothing like I had seen on the show. It looked a bit like a Basilisk; or rather, a large snake. But its scales were made of what looked like wood, and its coils like that of a moving, twisted tree. At the top of the head and down much of its back was covered in bushy leaves. And from those bushes, all the way down to the tail (which looked a bit like a Pine Tree) grew thorny tendrils, some of which were currently wrapped around me.

But most terrifying were the eyes and mouth. Large, bloodshot eyes the size of a pony, and a gaping mouth making up a third of its own body. The Pine Tree tail bristled together, and made the shrieking rattle. The vines were pulling me closer to that horrible mouth. I was less than a snack.

“SOMEB-B-B-PONY HELP ME!”

Whirling wind. Something shot out of the darkness. I was falling. And the next moment, I was in… something’s arms (hooves?) flying through the air. And plop. Back on the ground.

I turn back to look at the hideous monster. Between us was an angel.

Not a real angel, biblically accurate or otherwise. But it was a pony that looked like an angel, an angel of the night. A pegasus, to be exact. His coat was a midnight blue, his mane and tail a little darker. But he swirled with lighter streaks, and seemed to shimmer with stars. His wings lay wide open, a guardian of the night.

“B-beautiful,” I whispered.

“Heyah!” my guardian shouted, and took to the air in a flurry.

The monster shrieked with the rattle. Vines shot from every which direction. But with speed and agility to make Rainbow Dash jealous, the dark blur glided past them all. His speed was such that I could barely keep track of him. He darted back and forth, slashing some vines apart with his wings. And suddenly, he was right in front of the monster, and kicked its nose with a solid buck.

The snake shrieked again, but the midnight angel was gone. The rattle rose up, puncturing a hole in the canopy. Starlight rained down, and for a moment, I got a single glimpse of the Equestrian moon. It, too, was beautiful.

But a shadow fell upon me. Twigs dropped all around. The rattle was coming down. At me.

“Wah!” I cried. Pegasus grabbed me and pulled me away before I could react.

BOOM. The sound of the rattle hitting the ground. The trees swayed from the concussion.

“What are you waiting for? Get out of here!” barked the angel.

I was on my hooves again. And Pegasus was gone. He was at the monster, giving another kick, this time to its eyes.

More shrieking from the rattle. Vines whipped more frantically. One slashed a tree beside me. It splittered, snapped in half, and crashed to the ground in a blink.

I backed up. How… were ponies capable of fighting a thing like this? I’m watching a war between titans.

Vines wrapped around Pegasus. More than I could count. He was caught. Yet his confident glare didn’t cease. He began spinning. His figure was replaced with a tornado. The vines unraveled and snapped apart. But the tornado continued and shot towards the monster, bonking the head. Pegasus reemerged.

For a moment, time seemed still. He shimmered in the light; loosened feathers danced around him, gleaming in the night. His eyes were closed, and he gracefully fell backwards, somersaulting and landing upon his hooves.

The monster made a guttural groan, and collapsed. The earth shook.

The angel turned his head to face me; his fierce, discerning eyes…

“W-who are you?” I asked.

Chapter Six: QRRRRRRAAAAAA!
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Six: QRRRRRRAAAAAA!

🥜

I never liked being alone. It comes with having brothers.

“Lilyheart!” Andrew!

Nothing.

There were a few large branches which I could try what Lilyheart had suggested. If it were a video game, I’d already be back down. If it were a video game, I would have been up the tree before Lilyheart even had the idea. She would sit there, overanalyzing, and I would just go.

I glared at the branches. Flashes from dreams. Falling through the sky, to the inevitable end below. Waking to sweaty sheets.

I leapt. The branch swayed under my weight, and I felt the limber wood under the hooves. I scrambled, but found my footing. Yes! I repeated and solidly landed on the next branch. It is like A Hat in Time. Or Mario 64.

The hoof slipped.

“Ja–fff–whe!” And down I went. But there was no waking up from this pony nightmare. SPLAT.

Pain. I felt this body pancake, and then spring back into shape. Oh, I don’t like that. I don’t like that, I don’t like that!

On my feet. I bolted into the forest. Shades grew darker still, and shadows shifted under the gentle sway of the trees. Those yellow eyes followed me. Everywhere, I was being watched. Judging me. “Who are you to enter into our forest? Who are you to think you can save her? We will see you when you fail.” They seemed to ask. But that was only my imagination.

“Lilyheart!”

Nothing. On and on in the night, ever with those yellow eyes staring. I looked at the ground to check for tracks. Anything. The horse ears craned back and forth. Nothing. Nothing!

“Lilyheart!”

I didn’t stop running. And promptly ran straight into a pond.

Cold. Very cold. Crud. How do you swim as a horse?

I thrashed about in a panic. Robinwind’s hooves squished into the scummy bottom… and my head was above the water. Oh.

“Ribbit!”

A frog sat on a lilypad beside me, giving me a glare. Great. Frogs can glare now. Waitaminute.

“Hey… so…” I feel like an idiot. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen a blue pony with a yellow mane? Looks like a cupcake? Being pulled by some unknown dark force?” Useless and always needs someone to take care of her? Darn it, brain, not now!

“Er-ert.” The frog blinked.

Is that a no?

“Rr-Rr.” The frog hopped into the pond.

It was my turn to blink. “Right, that was a waste of time.” I climbed out of the pond and shook myself off. My heart fell. I didn’t even think of what I was doing. The horse-stincts took over. I just shook myself dry. Like a dog. Like an animal. A sharp pang pinched my heart. Tears came to my eyes.

I used one of the hooves to wipe the tears off. Great, now I have swamp water in my eyes. Everfree swamp water. Who knows what sort of bacteria exist in that water. Might turn me into a frog for all I know.

“Lilyheart!” I called. And then, quietly, “Answer me, please.”

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. I offer this prayer up for Lilyheart… that she might be safe, and that I can find her. Hail Mary…

I continued on into the forest, but more slowly this time, praying as I went. Rushing won’t do me any good. I already don't know how to find my way back. But what if she needed my help? I kept praying.

My…the horse stomach grumbled; a horrible sensation where I could feel mid-barrel, organs pressing out, kicking in protest for food. How long had I been stumbling through the forest? A half hour, maybe? Still I prayed. I offer up my hunger to you. I offer up my confusion to you. Hail Mary, full of grace…

Upon stepping past a tree, it appeared. A clearing on a subtle slope. Crumbling stone ruins, overgrown with bramble and vine. Two spires remained standing, and some remains of the former wall.

“The Castle of the Two Sisters…” I mumbled.

If Lilyheart had gotten away, maybe she could have hidden here? Maybe whatever it was that grabbed her took her here? Either way, I… trotted with the horse legs towards the ruins. The cinder-colored legs were almost invisible in the night. But it was best I didn’t think about Robinwind’s legs. If I didn’t think about them, the easier it was for me to control them.

Now that I was in the clearing, I could make out the stars glimmering overhead. Starlight. Heh. It was prettier than in the cartoon. Which is odd, because most things here look exactly like the cartoon.

“Lilyheart!”

Mangled bushes were scattered about the entrance. Shattered stone littered the grass, crushing underneath Robinwind’s hooves. I had to admit the crunch was a little bit satisfying. Before me was a short flight of stairs and a grey door.

Rattling of twigs and leaves. I turned to see an amber-colored ball roll out of a bush.

“Huh?”

The ball split open like an Easter egg and looked at me. It was a small rodent. A sort of fuzzy armadillo?

I blinked. Still it stared with these little beady eyes. Two eye sparkles. The artists really liked that look, didn’t they?

“Uhhh…” Great. Here we go again. “Can I help you?”

The pseudo-armadillo opened its mouth–to reveal a set of remarkably sharp teeth. “QRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!”

Dozens of more fuzzy balls jumped out of the bushes and landed near my feet and unfurled to show the same hideous face. Echos of QRRRRRRAAAAA followed.

I jumped back.

“Um. Sorry? I, uh… is this your territory? I’ll leave.” Please don’t hurt me.

More appeared behind me. “QRRRRRRRAAAAAA!”

“Okayrightbye.” I dashed into a gallop towards the castle.

“QRRRRRRAAAAAA!”

Something like darts whizzed through the air and clattered against the ground next to me. I ignored it. And then prickles of pain shot through my flank.

“Yeow!” Were they biting me? Is this what it’s like for an elephant with a lion on its back? Flashes of the little compies from Jurassic Park entered my mind. Videos from the Discovery Channel of a wildebeest with lionesses pouncing on it from behind… until finally it fell to exhaustion to the inevitable end…

Robinwind was an animal. Now, I was an animal. Was I going to die like that? All humanity stripped away. An it.

I looked back. To my surprise, rather than a pile of these little monsters, instead there was a collection of quills embedded into my flank. Wait. These were a kind of Equestrian porcupine?!

And with my luck, they were probably poisonous or something.

“Lilyheart!”

“QRRRRRRAAAAAA!”

To my horror, more porcupines rolled up, cutting off my way to the castle. And they were turning their backs to me. I scrambled with Robinwind’s hooves; trying desperately to turn around and skidding to a halt. Flipping over, I covered my face. More pin pricks in my backside.

I was surrounded. Most of the porcupines had their backs turned to me, the sharp bristles ready to launch into my flesh… Robin’s flesh. The ones that weren’t, kept their mouths agape, the rows of sharp teeth clear in the night. Sharp teeth perfect for tearing into horse flesh.

Robin’s head slumped down, burying his head into his hooves.

“Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed be the fruit of your womb, Jesus…”

“QRRRRRAAAAA!”

Robin pressed his canons into his ears. “Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour–”

VOOOM.

An explosion. But a bit like a lightsaber. Blue light filled my vision through Robin’s hooves. A warmth tickled and soothed. “…Holy Mary?”

Robinwind looked up. The porcupines were fleeing. Waves of sapphire light flared into the night. Almost like a shield of pure light. I could feel each pulse as it passed. It was coming from behind me. But I couldn’t be bothered to look at that now. Because there she was; a woman with a blue veil and a serene face. Stars twinkled in her robes. And there were the holy angels, coming down with their queen. One even lowered a crown upon her head.

I looked eagerly to see the Infant Jesus in her gentle eyes… but my vision cleared before I could get a chance.

The light wasn’t blue, it was violet. The angels were just speckles of light.

And the woman? She was a horse with a purple body. Dark blue hair with streaks of violet and pink. Large wings, and a glowing horn.

Before me stood Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship.

Author's Note

Writing Robinwind chapters is so much harder than Lily's.

By any chance, if someone is confused/of wondering about the change in perspective... it isn't a change in perspective. The subject nouns are fully intentional.

Chapter Seven: Midnight
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Seven: Midnight

🎂

“My name is Midnight Storm,” answered the dark pegasus. “And why are you wandering around the Everfree Forest at night?” The voice was accusatory.

“I wasn’t wandering! That thing,” I pointed a hoof. “Pulled me in! What even is it?”

“You don’t even know what a rattlesnatcher is? How clueless are you?”

“Apparently quite a bit! Believe me, I never would have stepped f-f-f-f-hoof into… the Everfree Forest If I had a choice. But that thing just… snatched me. And it had a rattle. Oh, I get it! A rattlesnatcher!”

Midnight was inspecting the Rattlesnatcher while I talked, poking the head with his hoof. He still had a glare on his face. “The rattlesnatcher will wake up soon. And I won’t save you from it again. Do you know your way back to Ponyville?”

“Ponyville! So it is nearby!”

Midnight looked at me bewildered.

“Oh, uh, no clue.” I found myself instinctively bringing my hoof up to the back of my head and closing my eyes while I answered. That was odd. But I guess normal for ponies?

“Of course, not.” Midnight made a facehoof. “I’ll have to lead you all the way back. Come on, this way,” he said with a flick of his tail.

I trotted over to him, and realized with a start that he was taller than me. Not like Flim and Flam tall, but more like Tempest.

“What is it?” He asked sharply. Everything he said was sharp!

“I…uh…um. Eep!” Great. This always happens. “I…um. I mean…”

He was glaring at me. Glaring down at me.

“It’s n-nothing. J-just that, um…” Work, tongue, work! “You’re tall.”

Midnight rolled his eyes and turned around wordlessly. And suddenly I can talk again.

“I’m sorry! It’s just that I always get tongue-tied whenever I’m talking to somep-p-p-pony taller than me. It’s weird, I know.” It’s less weird when you’re over six feet tall and you almost never meet someone taller than you. And then one day you try a new church and a guy walks over to introduce himself and you realize he has a whole head on you and you go, “Ielimimeigh!” I hurried to catch up to Midnight.

“Um, Mis…mmer…ter.” Oh my gosh, girl, figure it out! Wait, I’m a girl! Little bits of euphoria bubbled up in my brain. That’s right. I can do whatever I feel like. I’m free. “Mr. Midnight! Thank you for-m-m saving me, sir, and all, but I can’t go to Ponyville. We have to get my friend.”

Midnight stopped walking. “Friend? There was another pony with you?” There was concern on his face. And somehow it was still a glare. “Where?”

“I… uh…” Where exactly had I come from? I looked around, trying to get my bearings. “He was on top of a tree when I was grabbed. He… he would have gotten down and gone after me. Probably followed my tracks here.”

“Then wait here; I’ll fly over and bring him back.” Midnight opened his beautiful wings that swirled with the colors of the night sky.

“Wait! You’re not going to leave me here!” I eyed the rattlesnatcher.

Midnight sighed and folded his wings back. “You’re right. It’s not smart to leave a filly alone.”

“F-filly?” Wait, I wasn’t that young, was I? I looked down at myself. No, this was clearly Lilyheart’s mare form.

“Anypony foolish enough to get lost in the Everfree Forest and can’t be trusted alone, is a filly or a colt. Now, come on. Let’s get your friend before he gets eaten by a banbitbee.” He turned and began walking towards what I assumed was the direction I had come from.

My ears folded back in confusion. I’m supposed to be insulted by this, aren’t I? Too bad I don’t care about things like that. If he wanted to act all tough and better than everyone else, so be it. He did just save me. And he wasn’t wrong. I was all but helpless in the Everfree Forest. And so was Robin. “Banditbee? What are those?” I trotted to catch up, but let him lead the way.

Midnight rolled his eyes. “Ban-bit-bee.”

“...Banditbee?” I honestly have no idea what I’m getting wrong. And I don’t care, either.

Another eye roll from Midnight.

“You know, my mom told me that if you keep doing that, your eyes will get stuck like that,” I said with a grin.

“You really are a filly,” Midnight said in a monotone as he walked.

“So what are banditbees, anyway?”

Oh, was that an eyebrow twitch?

“They eat ponies. There’s nothing else to know.”

“And what were you doing out in Everfree?” I asked.

“I keep fillies and colts like you from getting eaten.” His sharp voice softened a little.

“Thank you for tha–Wah!” My hoof suddenly found itself in a small ditch, and my entire body followed it to the ground. It’s remarkable how little pain these bodies feel.

“Do you need me to carry you, too?” asked Midnight, unimpressed. Wait, was that a smirk? Just the slightest corner of– He turned around again before I could be sure. Was that schadenfreude? Or just sadism?

I got up and instinctively shook myself before looking at what I had tripped over. Drag marks leading up to two holes resting aside a thick root. “This is where I fought the rattlesnatcher…” A spike of adrenaline in my heart.

Midnight kept walking. “What do you mean fought?”

Once again, I trotted to catch up. “Yeah. At first I managed to get free. But then five more vines appeared, and there wasn’t anything I could do.”

Midnight was quiet. I hated that. It reminded me of my parents. I would talk and talk to them, just thirsty for any attention. But they would only respond when absolutely necessarily. I was just a distraction. For the first time since coming to Equestria, I felt–

“That’s… not bad,” he answered.

My ear perked up. Did he compliment me? He complimented me! “Thanks,” I giggled.

Midnight only made a “Hmm.”

Another silence fell, but I felt less dour about it. I took the chance to examine his cutie mark. It was hard to see, a dark color on a dark pelt. But I could make out the outline of a black tornado and a blue lightning bolt behind it. His coat continued to twinkle, as though he was made from the night sky himself. He was almost like a male Luna, like he was a relative. Wait…

“So, Midnight, what are your parents like?” That probably wasn’t as subtle as I’d like. Who randomly asks about somebody’s parents?

“I won’t talk about my parents. Understand?”

His tone was that of anger. Incredible anger. But still controlled. Like a parent seconds from spanking their child. The subject was done.

The shift in tone surprised me so much it took me a few moments to work up the courage to utter an apology. My ears pressed back against my head. “I’m sorry,” I finally mumbled, and brushed a lock of hair out of my face. “It’s just that, I thought you looked a bit like Princess Luna…” Great. If we aren’t in the Equestria from the show, then dropping that name would complicate things.

“I’m not related to Princess Luna, if that’s what you’re asking. Or any of the princesses.”

Ears, pointed up. It was so fun feeling them react. I scratched the back of my neck. It felt like something touched my mane, but I felt nothing but curly hair.

“Your coat though–”

“Is nothing special. Not everypony is born with bland color.”

Okay, I guess that makes sense. There’s ponies like Rainbow Dash, afterall. Wait, bland color? Did he just try to insult me again? My coat is not a bland color, thank you very much! But I bit my tongue. It’s harder to get under my skin than that!

“Got it!” I said with a smirk. “So, you were just born all sparkly and pretty.”

“I am not sparkly.”

I giggled. “Oh, you are so sparkly!” I said with a hoof over my mouth.

“And I regret saving you from the rattlesnatcher,” Midnight said in a monotone.

“Eh? You’d be bored without me.” But that brought another question to my mind. “Do you have any friends that you hang out with in the forest?”

There was silence for a moment. Nothing but the crunching of twigs underhoof, and an occasional strange, alien sounding bird call.

“No,” he answered. “I don’t need friends.”

My ears flicked down again. No friends? In Equestria? On earth, I could understand. I didn’t have many friends. Heck, without Robin… But Equestria ran on friendship! Without it… something was missing; something essential. Something dire, a physical need as important as protein or oxygen. Lose too much of it, and the windigos come.

But, maybe that said something about our world, too. Maybe literal monsters don’t appear, at least not visible ones. But without friendship and the bonds that tie us together… societal collapse. Depression. Hatred. Racism. Meaninglessness. Broken families. I guess friendship in our world is just as an intricate component in our world too; a fundamental law that must be followed like gravity. Remove it, and everything comes apart.

But how to respond to Midnight? And it’s not like I can force him to have friends. No more than Robin could force me. But it’s not my business. Not that never stopped me before… Maybe… I looked at him with the corner of my eyes. He seemed to enjoy the silence I was giving him. But what might he be thinking about, in that secret heart of his, shroud in the shadows as everything else about him. But behind it, there must be… pain.

I took a breath. This isn’t the sort of thing I normally do. My heart rapidly thumped. Okay. Okay. You can do this. You’re a girl, Andr–Lilyheart. Your name is Lilyheart, and you’re a girl!

But what did that have to do wi–

I slapped my cheek with a hoof. Midnight looked back at me with a little surprise. Now or never, Lilyheart.

“I’ll be your friend, then,” I said with a forced smile. Oh, that was awkward. That was awkward. Ehhhhhhhh! Fight the urge to cover your head with your hooves! Fight it!

Midnight looked at me with an even greater surprise. “I don’t need friends,” he said simply and turned to keep walking.

“But every-p-p-p-pony needs friends!” I scrambled to keep up, and ignored how fast my heart was still thumping.

“Not me,” came the answer with a flick of his tail. Dang, that thing was long. Did anypony else have a tail that long? Maybe Fluttershy?

“One thing I’ve learned is that you don’t get to choose your friends. At least, not completely. Sometimes, they choose you.” But I didn’t have the energy to do what Robin did. How could I seriously think–

“I said no.” Another tail flick.

Eh. Careful… “But we’re already doing what friends do! Walking along together, talking, protecting each other from danger…” There’s something else I can add to that list, right? Uh…

“And the longer we walk, the more I consider leaving.”

“Joke! Friends joke with each other! That was a good one! I can always appreciate a good deadpan insult!”

Midnight groaned.

Heh. Beautiful friendship commenced! “Driving each other nuts! Another thing friends do!” I said as I began hopping behind Midnight.

“I would say we at least have that in spades, but it would only go over your head, wouldn’t it?”

“Nothing goes over my head. I’m too fast, I would catch it,” I said while still hopping.

“Tell me you’re not that dense.”

I made a horse prrrbrbrbrb sound with my lips. “You kidding? There’s more air in here than fat,” I said while knocking a hoof on my noggin. Taking metaphors literally to make a joke; unfortunately, you just walked into my speciality, Midnight!

His tail suddenly slapped my nose. “Oww–”

“Quiet!” hissed Midnight, his hoof held into the air to warn me to stop. He halted, but wasn’t looking at me. Instead, he was looking around, his ears darting about. Searching. Listening. But I heard nothing.

“Run!” He barked while opening his wings. Two figures appeared out of the bushes and grabbed him from either side. All three blew past me back into the shadows.

“Mid–” A third figure appeared. This time from the canopy. She descended slowly towards me. Her coat was dark green, and her mane short and cyan. Her pupils were shaped like slits, and her wings in a different yet so familiar shape.

“You should know better than to wander around in Everfree at the hour of midnight!” said the batpony.

Maybe this isn’t the Equestria I know after all.

Author's Note

This chapter was fun! I could write Midnight and Lilyheart banter all day!

Chapter Eight: Tick Tock
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Eight: Tick Tock

🥜

Her eyes were sympathetic. She took a step forward. Stars seemed to shimmer in her coat. I scooted away. Twilight opened her mouth as if to say something, but then seemed to think better of it. There was a burst of white light, and she was gone.

God, am I insane? None of this can be real. I should have known when I first thought I was a horse. It’s like what happened to Nebuchadnezzar. He started acting like a horse, didn’t he? Or maybe a cow. But it was a real medical condition.

The reason why I can’t find Lilyheart is because she’s not here. She never was… no, he never was. Andrew was never here; and he was never a girl. He was always a man. This was either a dream; maybe I always dream this vividly, but never remember them? Or I’m having some sort of psychotic break. How am I supposed to become a priest now? Obviously, there’s medication. I’ll have to try that once… whatever this is, ends.

I laughed. And laughed more. Turning into a horse! Of course! It’s like my worst nightmare come true. Andrew going off the deep end, my life taken over my ponies, and my humanity stolen… the only thing worse would be if my mother got hurt somehow… or if she turned into a horse. I wrinkled my nose at the thought. Nope, I really don’t like that idea.

The stars in the sky were at least beautiful. That’s why they looked different from the show; because this isn’t real.

“Okay, Father, please end this! Please give me back my mind and body! I want my sanity back! I want to go back to the re–no, I was never not in the real world–I would like for this hallucination to end. Or to wake up from this dream! Please?”

There was silence in the night, naught but the distant ribbits of frogs and strange calls from the trees. A prickle ran through my heart. What if this is real? But I ignored it. This obviously isn’t reality. I know reality; this clearly isn’t.

I stood up. The needles still hurt. The flank was going numb. But I don’t have to worry about that now. “St. Michael the Archangel!” I cried to the sky. “Defend us in battle, and be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into h-h-h-Tartarus… St. Michael, cast him away, and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls!”

Satan will not win! “Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus I–”

There was a sudden rumble, and a crack, and the next thing I knew, I was falling. Falling, falling, into the darkness below.

Now, Robin, tell me the truth: have you ever eaten a bat? Was that a smile and grin in the shadows?

“Oof!” Solid ground. The jack-o-lantern face was gone.

I looked around; but all I could see was black. I stood up and found I was still a pony. Yes, those were hooves. But I could see a door, white as snow. I ran towards it. A pony galloped towards the light. Clop, clop, clop.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

***

I was awake. Sweaty sheets stuck to my skin. My uncle’s clock was there. Tick tock. Tick tock.

It was a dream! Relief washed over me. I raised my hands into the air. Hands. My hands. I wiggled my toes and fingers. This was normal. This was reality. This is what I’m supposed to be like. A human.

I quickly removed my soaked clothes while starting my morning prayers. What day was it, anyway? What was yesterday… I remember going to the Con… what happened afterwards?

Tick tock. Tick tock.

My phone! Sunday! I have to get ready for Mass. But first, a shower. I grabbed my things and rushed out to the hallway, ignoring the streak of violet in the mirror.

Once in the hallway, I glanced over to Andrew’s door. Snoring. He wouldn’t get up this early. He never did. But at least it meant I was free for a few hours. So few hours. At least he managed to fall asleep before the sun rose.

***

Eggs cracking against the counter, the puff of the stove lighting, the sizzling of the yolk and bacon... Sunny side up today. Cooking. I live for this.

“Have you tried VPN? Peeee-N!

It’s clearly the best,

To put big bro to the test!

Blocks the gov, so you can rest!

Take that, fascist Hooo-ver! Hoover!

Watch it when you’re ready!

Pirate as you waaaaaaaaant

With a nice black coffee!”

I took a swig from my canteen after finishing the chorus. A new sticker of Twilight’s cutie mark was on it. Dang it, Andrew.

“More like a nice bottle of water,” cut in a different voice.

“Can I offer you an egg in these trying times, Mom?”

“I’m not certain what the times have to do with it, but please.”

***

Two plates on the table made for six. Mom on one side, me on the other. Praying over the food. Clattering of metal forks on glass. Bacon. Sweet, savory bacon.

“I am so glad the Old Covenant was done away with,” I said. “And I’m not a herbivore.”

“I understand. But I still feel sorry for the animals,” said Andrew, sitting beside me; Fluttershy in his lap. I glanced at the filthy plushie and the mane matted into dreadlocks… Can’t you at least take care of it?

“Andrew! I’m sorry, I didn’t make anything!”

“That’s okay, I have my poptarts.” And there they were, on his plate. Dry, cancer-inducing, processed sugar-filled excuses for pastries, with pink frosting and little ponies atop. They actually got Twilight really accurately on it.

“That reminds me. I’ll have to tell you a dream I had. You’ll love it, but I hated it.”

“Hm…” thought Andrew. “That means it was about ponies.”

Dang it. Always right. Andrew smirked.

“Maybe a dream where you got married to AJ… or married to Diana, and your children were ponies?”

“Ew! No!” I exclaimed with a blush. “You are right, I would not like that, but no. I’ll tell you the dream if you can finish your homework for Monday’s class tonight.”

“Hmm…” Andrew muttered.

***

The scent of incense. Lilies and lavender decorated the altar. A painting of Mary, her feet upon the head of a horned snake with yellow eyes. A statue of St. Agnes, holding her little lamb. Rainbow beams trickled from the stained windows. A marble altar, and behind it, the Tabernacle where my Lord lived. This is where I belonged.

“It is truly right and just, our duty and salvation, always and everywhere to give you thanks, Father most holy, through your beloved Son, Jesus…” Father Ron was saying.

Andrew’s fidgeting was distracting me. I side-eyed him. There, in his hands, was that stupid Fluttershy plushie! He never brought her in before! Hot blood cycled through my veins. The carelessness! I thought you at least knew how to be reverent! Ugh. Fluttershy looked a little different. It looked like it was smirking, almost as if to say, “I know something you don’t!” I guess I never noticed.

“...with the Angels and all the Saints we declare your glory, as with one voice we acclaim,” finished Father Ron.

“Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Hosts,” I echoed with the others.

The kneelers clattered down, and the creaking of wood echoed through the sanctuary. Finally, we get to kneel before the Eucharist. Calm down, Matt. I took a breath. That’s right, it’s not my place to judge. Here, you’re here to worship Him, to present everything you are to Him.

And I adore You, Lord. I want You. Take my heart and all I am… burn everything of me away until there’s left but You…

“We come to You, Father, with praise and thanksgiving…” continued the priest.

Andrew held Fluttershy so that she looked like she was kneeling, her forelegs bent upwards as though in prayer.

“Remember, Lord, Your people, especially those for whom we now pray…” said Father Ron.

“I’m here, Big Brother Jesus!” came the cry of a young girl.

I looked to my right. Andrew was gone. Sitting on the pew in his place, was a small pony. Pastel blue, and a curly mane the color of butterscotch pudding.

It was Lilyheart, but she was a foal. The Fluttershy plush had shrunk to fit squarely in the little pony’s elbows.

“I’m here, Big Brother Jesus!” cheered the foal, hopping up and down.

“Quiet!” I hissed at her.

I looked back to the altar. My hands were gone, replaced with two charcoal-colored hooves.

“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the draconic snake, his coils wriggling underneath Mary’s feet. “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”

“I love You, Jesus! I love You, Jesus!” Lilyheart was dancing in the aisle now.

“What’s wrong Ma–” Mom said. The colors around her swirled into a blurry mess. And then it reformed into a new picture “What’s wrong, Robin?” asked the purple pony next to me.

“My goodness!” said one mare in front of us. She took out a jar, opened it, took out two brow-shaped pickles, and placed them above her eyes. “Do these eyebrows make me look fat?” she asked her husband.

A few more ponies were dancing in the aisles, now.

“Tick tock, tick tock,

The mouse ran off the clock

Tick tock, tick tock,

A pocket full of rocks!

Ashes! Ashes!

Duck, duck, Goose!”

The ponies collapsed into a bow towards the altar. Where the priest once stood, was now Big Mac, but in priest’s robes. “Behold!” his voice boomed. “The horse of Harmony! Behold she who takes away the disharmony of the world. Blessed are those called to the supper of Friendship!”

He rose his forelegs into the air for all to see, and between his hooves was a toy figurine of Celestia.

Snap.

I scrambled over the pews.

“HOW DARE YOU!”

My hoof socked Big Mac’s confused face. He fell to the ground. And so did the toy.

The horse hooves slammed upon it. Again, again. Again! Nothing but splinters of white plastic. I turned back to Big Mac. “YOU DARE INSULT MY LORD?”

I grabbed him by the robes and tore them off. “You aren’t worthy of these!” I threw him off the stairs. The statue of Agnes was replaced with a pony statue. I ran up to it and knocked it over. My forelegs grasped around it–these stupid hooves!–And I threw it into the pews.

“OUT OF HERE, ALL OF YOU! GET OUT!”

The brown and grey snake was snickering. I tore it off and lit it on fire from the candles. Smokey yellow eyes drifted away.

“GET OUT!” I shrieked at the remaining ponies.

I turned my attention to the Tabernacle, and dropped to my knees before breaking down into tears. My Lord, forgive them. Forgive me. Jesus, what is happening?

“M-Matt, help me, please!” asked a quiet voice.

Little Lilyheart was the only pony left in the room, pinned underneath the statue I had thrown. Her little barrel beat up and down so quickly, like a little rabbit. Her eyes were scared. I placed a hoof upon the stone atop her.

“Or, I have another idea!” said a familiar voice. A long tongue of flame grew out of the candle I had burnt the snake from. It coiled, constricted, and with a snap, Discord stood there. “Two friends, always together, willing to simply trot into the magma of Mount Doom for each other! To Tartarus and back again! How sweet! How… prrrrrecious.” His eyes flashed.

“Go away,” I mumbled.

“But why? Especially since I was about to give you a way out of this pony nightmare of yours.” Discord coiled around Lilyheart and I. “Oh, what a… cute, little filly,” he said, stroking a talon across Lilyheart’s scared cheek. She shivered. “Tell me, Matthew, don’t you ever tire of being the adoptive parent of this man-child stuck in a pony daydream?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.

“Why, nothing at all. Except that this is your future… So long as you stay with Andrew, this is your inevitable end. Four hooves, a dashing soot coat, and a mane that just leaves one dying for peanut butter ice cream! Living off a healthy diet of grass, carrot dogs, cupcakes, and the occasional nibble of a daisy or so…” He took a sniff of a lavender, stuck his tongue out in disgust, and gulped a vase of lilies whole. But I mostly just kept my gaze on the shaking little Lilyheart before me. Her forelegs still wrapped around Fluttershy. I turned away.

“What do you want?”

Discord snapped his fingers again. A burst of light appeared at the Tabernacle. A portal.

“To give you a chance at freedom! To help you realize that you two aren’t friends! And you never were! That little thing, as cute as it looks, is just a leech. Sure, it pretended to support you, but that was all just an act. Before you knew what happened, that has been sucking the life force out of you! Think about why you have so little time on your hands. Think about why you got here in the first place! She will choose the ponies over you, eventually. And then you’ll be stuck here. Forever.”

I looked at the swirling pool of light obscuring the Tabernacle. I looked at the blue pony.

“What will it be, Robinwind?” asked the draconequus. “Back to being a human, to your precious Jesus? Or do you want to remain a cartoon equine forever?”

“Robin, don’t leave me!” cried the little filly, tears running down her little cheeks. “Don’t leave me alone!”

“Oh, prrrbrbrbrb,” said Discord. “Like she’ll ever be alone! She’ll find another pony to help her out soon enough. That’s how her kind is. She’ll always be dependent on you, unless you leave.”

I said nothing.

Discord placed a talon on my right hoof. A flash, and it was a hand.

“My offer won’t last forever,” he said. An hourglass appeared beside him. “Tick tock, Matthew. Or, should I say, Robinwind?”

One hand. One hoof. I looked between the two of them.

“I can’t be a pony,” said a voice. My voice. I turned towards the portal.

“M-Matt!” whined Lilyheart. Her eyes. A completely different color from Andrew’s, yet somehow, still, there seemed to be something of him still left.

“Can I at least free him, first?” I asked.

Discord scoffed and snapped. The statue was gone. In its place was a crib, with Lilyheart in it. “Hey!” he shouted with a glare towards Discord.

“I can’t leave you,” I told Andrew. “I have to help you. You’re a human, too.” I reached into the crib.

The bars suddenly climbed to the ceiling. A buzzing sound went off.

“Nope! Nada! Not happening!” said Discord holding a giant X. “You leave without her, or not at all!”

“What? That’s not fair!” I protested.

“Ask her yourself,” Discord shot back.

Those eyes. Turquoise and teal. It was Fluttershy’s eye colors. Just like Andrew requested.

“I won’t go back!” Andrew said. “I’m a girl, Matt. Stay with me!”

“You’re not!” I barked back. “Andrew, please. You’re a man. God made you a man. And a human! Are you really going to sacrifice your humanity? Are you going to reject God’s plan?”

“I’m not rejecting anything! God made me a girl! I’m not a mistake! He made me this way,” he said, swinging his hooves about him. “He knew what I was inside! I’m not ashamed of that! I didn’t transition before because it didn’t feel right! But now, thanks to God, I can be me!”

“And why do you even want me to stay?”

“Because you’re my friend,” he said with scoff. “Isn’t that enough?

“Tick tock,” said Discord.

“But if you had to choose, me or the ponies… me or being a girl, which would you choose?” I asked.

Andrew looked down at himself for a moment. “I would choose this.”

My heart fell. “Then I can’t help you.” I fought back tears. “Goodbye, Andrew.”

I walked towards the portal.

“Matt! Matt! Don’t leave me here with Discord, Matt!”

I placed a hoof into the portal. It felt like walking on a grate blowing air upward. Another hoof.

“Matt!”

“Good luck, Robinwind!” cheered Discord. “Until we meet again.”

I might as well have just walked through a Stargate. Suddenly, I was shooting forth; nothing but sparkles and streaks of color around me.

And then I was shooting through the sky. A shooting star. I was tumbling, round and round like dancing laundry. But amidst the rotating chaos, I was very aware of one thing for certain.

I still had hooves. I was still a pony.

“Discoooorrrrrrd!”

Wind blasted through my ears. Was this how I died? If only I choose to be a pegasus. I chose the name Robinwind for an earth pony, and now I’m going to die from falling damage. Hail Mary, full of Grace…

It was hard to make out any features; I was spinning too fast. But there were stars. I could tell that. Stars up, and then down, and then up again, and a vast darkness in the opposite direction. Blessed are you among wo–

CRASH. Leaves. Broken branches. Snapping twigs. Was that an angry bird? Robin, meet Robin. Rolling, rolling, like a tumbleweed. More branches snapping in half as I swung wildly. There was a momentary pause before I crashed into something soft, and SMACK. I was on the ground. But the world was still spinning.

“Where’d you come from?”

Author's Note

‘What? Didn’t I read this chapter already?!’ Maybe you did. I temporarily unpublished this chapter to comply with the ‘no copyrighted song lyrics’ rule. I waited on a mod to get clarification on the strictness of the rule, but 3-4 days later and no reply, so I just changed the lyrics instead. If you’re reading this today, chapter nine will likely come out tomorrow or the day after. For the rest of you, just hit the next button… But I suppose you’re all reading this today, aren’t you?

The lyrics Robin sings are adapted from Weird Al’s Foil; a parody of a parody. I neither condemn or affirm the beliefs echoed in those lyrics, I just like how it still played with paranoia (which is why I choose the song in the first place).

I got the phrase "round and round like dancing laundry” from Round & Laundry.

Very special credit to Rainy Skies, my official unofficial proofreader. Or is it unofficial official?

Chapter Nine: Collision
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Nine: Collision

🎂

I dashed behind a tree to get away from the green bat pony. Should I run away? I can keep her away just by going in circles around the tree–

“Aww, is the little unicorn scared?” asked the batpony.

But can a unicorn outrun or dodge a batpony? Since this was Lilyheart’s body, the one I helped create, she ought to have the same stats as I would choose. Like a video game. So, I’m probably high speed, stamina, and mana, but with ridiculously low physical defense and attack.

“Do you really think you could hide from a batpony?” she hissed. She was directly behind the tree now.

I probably do have decent stealth. But from this close? I darted into a bush. Then behind another tree.

“Oh, don’t be scared,” the batpony said musically. “Just give into Mother Night’s embrace. Accept that you’re one of ours now.”

What the heck are you talking about? There was something else I was good at. At home, it was the only thing. Debating. Distracting people from the important points just to evade answering an unfortunate question. I took a breath and stepped out from behind the tree.

“Aww, accepting your fate! How lovely!”

Let’s play, Bats.

“Not exactly,” I said with a grin. “What sort of fate are you talking about?”

Bats hovered there with a confused look. And then she laughed. A raspy laugh. “Why, only the greatest fate known to ponykind!” she said with a pointy grin. “A chance to become an adoptive child of Mother Night!”

“And who exactly is Mother Night?” I asked. It can’t be Luna, Midnight would have said some–

Bats was looking at me with complete shock. Even anger. “You mean to say that you don’t know who the Walker of Dreams is? The Queen of the Night? She who will bring an end to sunlight and usher in an era of eternal darkness?”

Okay, that sounds a lot like Luna. What the heck is going on? “Oh, that Mother of Night. See…” This could get me in trouble. “I kind of get her confused with Princess Luna.”

Bats blinked. “You dare?” she hissed. “Luna is pathetic. Luna is weak. Luna was incapable of doing what was necessary!” Bats was getting uncomfortably close. I don’t like how clearly I can see her canines. Wait, what if she can bite me and drain my blood?

My smile cracked a little, but I forced it back. “Okay, okay; take it easy!” I stepped backwards while waving my right foreleg. “I always thought Luna was overrated. But before I agree to become a child of Mother Night, you have to tell me more about this. Like, what does that mean?”

“Why, it means being infused with her magic, of course! You would make a goo… well, a decent reemicorn. And we do need more of them.”

“And what is a reemicorn?”

“Oh, you’ll find out soon enough…” Bats was hovering ever closer.

“Please, tell me more about Mother Night!” I said while taking another step back.

“Why explain, when I can show you?” said Bats with the widest grin she had shown.

Our conversation was interrupted by what sounded like a sparkler. There was a strange pressure just above my forehead, and a little warmth.

Bats leapt at me, only to slam into a translucent, turquoise, heart-shaped shield.

And then it was gone, and Bats fell to her hooves.

“Stupid unicorns and your magic,” she grumbled.

“Huh?” The strange pressure faded away. And then came back with increasable force. Painful force. Suddenly, I had the strangest floating sensation.

“Put me down this instant!” Bats barked.

Oh, I was floating. And so was Bats, encased in the same translucent turquoise. Small pebbles and twig branches circled us in the air. But more than just seeing them, I could feel them. Their texture. Their weight. Bats thrashing about. Sensations flared through my mind.

I whimpered with a grimace, clenching my jaws and eyes shut tight. It reminded me of when I was a child sitting in the backseat of my grandma’s car, and the sun was simply too bright, even with my eyes closed, so I had to throw a blanket over myself. Or when grocery shopping and there were just too many people, and I felt like screaming at anyone who got within a foot of me. Or when I was trying to do homework and the neighbor was playing EDM, and I could feel the bass echo in my ribcage; and I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t focus.

It was something I had witnessed many a time when I worked in special ed: sensory overload.

“Ahhhhhhh!”

Burning. Fire. The top of my head was on fire. Turquoise light flashed through my shut eyelids.

“Lilyheart!” Midnight’s voice. I could feel him, too. His strong legs and mighty wings. Each delicate feather. All in my telekinetic grasp. “Lilyheart, you have to regain control!”

“I… can’t,” I mumbled through gritted teeth. “H–help…” Flame. Sore. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

I could feel Midnight’s expression. Shock, fear… concern. And the squirrel I awoke, his little heart almost beating out of his little chest. And the frail twig as it… slowly… bent… and snapped in half. Each little splinter. I snapped it in half. Sizzling. Bubbling pain.

“What’s wrong with you, foal!” shouted Bats. She was afraid, now. Her body was cold. “Get control of your magic!”

I could only suppress a scream in response.

“You, do something!” Bats.

“Do I look like a unicorn? What am I supposed to do?” Midnight.

Rattling leaves as I ripped them off the branches of the closest tree. Each little fiber curling up. And then pulled tighter. Tighter. Until squished into leaf mush. Wet, like finger paint.

Something broke through my bubble of control. A hurling comet. Faster than I could sense. Faster than I could grasp. Collision into my side. I let out a gasp, and then–freedom. Everything… gone.

I slammed into a trunk and fell to the ground. The top of my head felt numb. Something smelt burnt.

“Where’d you come from?” asked Bats.

My vision was blurry. Headache. Hammer in. Hammer out. Hammer in. Hammer out.

A starry shadow shot into Bats, sending her into another tree. Midnight… Bats disappeared from view.

Hammer in.

A grey figure seemed to be stumbling about. Robin?

Hammer out.

Strange colors crisscrossed over everything I saw.

Hammer in.

“I think…” I mumbled.

Movement. People were working; going about their busy lives. The urge to wake up struck me–but no, I don’t have work today. I can rest. I can sleep…

Swing up, swing down. Swing up, swing down. Someone was pushing me on the swing. I was sitting in a way that would make Lyra proud. My tail dragged on the foamy ground underneath.

“Little pony, arri arrò,” sang a singsong voice. Each beat at the end of the swing’s arc.

“Little pony, arri arrò,

Little pony, arri arrò,

Eat the hay that I give you,

Follow the reins that I pull you,

Down to Mr. San Francisco!

Little pony, arri arrò!”

A small unicorn was pushing me; a foal, coat white as snow, and her mane, a subtle silver. Slender, white ribbons tied into her tail and mane, decorated with little star beads. Her eyes were a deep indigo, and upon her flank was a singular white lily.

“At my lil’ monastery,

Three nuns workin’ weary,

Sew-ing, snitch-ing,

Strawhats, they a’makin’!

Little pony, arri arrò

Little pony, arri arrò!”

“I like your cutie mark,” I said simply.

“I like yours, too!” she smiled. “Kick your legs when you come towards me! That’s how you learn to do this yourself!”

“I know how to swing myself.” But I did as she told me anyway, kicking legs from her hooves, and bending my knees as I got farther away. Knees? Is that what you even call them?

“Sunshine, sunshine,

Ladybugs awake!

Clap your hooves,

And do a little shake!”

The little unicorn pushed me with particular force upon the word shake, starling me for a moment. I giggled.

“That’s Cadance and Twilight’s thing,” I told her.

“Well, they’re basically sisters. It could be our thing, too.”

I looked down at the unicorn, curious. She turned to her side, and for the first time, I noticed her right hind leg was gone. Instead was an ethereal, swirling mist of light.

How could I have missed–

I slammed my hooves into the ground, looking at the young filly in the eyes. She was grinning, now, a grin I knew. A face I knew! Eyes, expression, pony or not, I knew!

“S–sister!?” I spluttered.

“It’s time to wake up now, little sis,” she said while gently booping my nose.

Darkness. Voices. Tired. So tired. I want to go back… But maybe… I think I need to be awake.

My eyes fluttered open.

Two blue pony legs danged below me, a mossy ground passing underneath. There was a rhythmic swing back and forth. I could make out Robinwind’s charcoal-colored right side. He was carrying me on his back.

“Want to explain how a fully-grown unicorn hasn’t learned how to control her magic?” Midnight asked.

“It’s something we’re trying to figure out. That’s why we’re going to Ponyville,” answered Robinwind. I could feel his voice rumble through his back into my chin and belly.

“How long has she had this problem?”

“Not long…” mumbled Robin.

Good one. A lie by telling the truth.

My horn still felt sore. I hope I didn’t damage it. My thoughts drifted back to what had happened. So, I could use magic. But even thinking about what happened was disorienting. Nearly being eaten by a rattlesnatcher, being ponified, batponies, whoever the heck Mother Night is, and…

My dream! Antonietta! My sister! My dear sister!

Was that really you?

It was just like her. Mischievous. Charismatic. Clever. She always knew how to pull a joke that would make even the person tricked to laugh. But she could be introspective, too. Caring and humble. And brave. So, very brave…

Pain gnawed my heart. I want to go back…

“What’s your special talent? Your cutie mark, I mean…” asked Robin.

“I’m good at flying. Nothing more to it,” curtly answered Midnight. “How long have you two been friends?”

“A few years…”

“And where did you two meet?”

“Um… we met in…”

“San Filliesco,” I mumbled, my vision-dream still on my mind. “More like the outskirts, really.”

“An-n–n-l-Lilyheart! You’re awake!” Robin halted.

“Can I sleep for five more hours?” I really wouldn’t mind it. So few things are as comforting as waking up, realizing you don’t have to do anything, and laying there, dozing. But I doubt I could fall back asleep.

“If you really need to, but I’d rather you get off my back. If you can.”

“How?” I said while wiggling my legs to make my point. Robin bent his neck and withers downward suddenly, causing me to roll off into the dirt.

“Wah!”

“Sorry! I didn’t think you’d fall that fast!” He looked down at me.

“No problem!” I said from the ground. We were still in the forest at night. Midnight looked at me almost seeming bored, while Robin with concern. “So, what happened, anyway?”

“Midnight is leading us to Ponyville. You blacked out after… I guess after your magic went haywire?”

“Yeah, I remember that part…” I tenderly placed a hoof on my horn. It was sensitive, but it didn’t feel like anything was burnt. I could feel a subtle pulse in it. “So, you two met each other already? No fair! I didn’t even get to introduce you!”

“Hurry up, you two are wasting my time,” answered Midnight as he began walking off.

“Don’t worry about me, I’m absolutely peachy! Thanks for being…” I trailed off when I saw what was on Midnight’s back. Or, more specifically, who.

Thrashing about uselessly was a dark green mass tied up with vines. Bats.

“Mrhrrrrm!” she glared at me. A collection of thorny tendrils were wrapped around her mouth.

“Nice to see you too…” I mumbled.

“Are you okay?” Robin asked me.

“I think I’ll be fine.” I rolled over and stood up. “I don’t feel dizzy. No flashing lights or anything. My horn’s just sore is all.”

“Good,” answered Robin. “You scared us.”

“Speak for yourself!” called back Midnight.

I coughed in laughter. “Oooh, Robin, you’re soo going to have to tell me what his reaction was when I went out! I can imagine it now…” I brought one hoof to my chest, swung my other foreleg for emphasis, and closed my eyes. “No, Lilyheart, don’t die! My first friend can’t die like this! You will suffer my revenge, oh batty minions of Mother Night! Wait, how long was I out, anyway?”

Midnight swished his tail like an annoyed cat. His figure was growing more distant. Robin and I trotted to catch up. This is normal for Midnight, isn’t it? Waits for no man nor pony! Except when he does.

“Is she always this annoying?” Midnight asked Robin.

“Yes. But normally only to me.”

“How insulting! I’m at least annoying to a few others! Let’s see here, first there’s–”

I suddenly found a hoof in my mouth, and I was unable to speak. Midnight’s hoof.

“Please. Quiet. This has been a long night. It was so much quieter before you woke up. And. That. Is how. I like it.” His voice didn’t sound angry. Just… tired.

Was I always this talkative? I mean, sometimes, but–

“Please?” Midnight asked again.

I nodded. Midnight removed his hoof. It was a weird feeling, like pulling magnets apart. Except, I was one of the magnets. And now my lips now had a strange taste on them. Blah.

Robin was looking at us with wide eyes as Midnight continued on through the forest. I tried making expressions with my face to ask why, but he only shook his head and walked on.

“Mrrrhm!” mumbled Bats. Well said, my friend. Well said.

I estimated we walked for another half-hour. The amount of times I wanted to say something… but I held my tongue. Torture. Can I be knocked out again? I still have questions! I have more jokes to make!

The world around us became brighter as we stepped into a clearing. The forest stopped abruptly, replaced with a scattering of a completely different species of tree. Simpler, nicer, somehow innocent looking trees.

The sky was turning a gentle shade of purple. We were evidently on a slope, because we were overlooking a valley. Little lights sparkled down below us. City lights.

Ponyville.

Author's Note

Finally! We’re in Ponyville! I though we’d get there at like, chapter five. Sometimes the words write themselves.

Credit to this reddit post by u/JesterOfDestiny for getting me to think about what magic telekinesis feels like.

The poem is my loose translation of the Italian nursery rhyme, Cavallino arrì arro’. Check out this blog post for my own analysis on it.

Special thanks to Rainy Skies, proofreading batpony extraordinaire.

Chapter Eleven: Down by the River
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Eleven: Down by the River

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The energetic tension in my blue legs… the curly tresses as they bounce up and down… this is wonderful! I kicked the dewy grass. Ah, the sun, the beautiful sun! I was smiling–when was the last time I smiled this much?

Robin was leading the way, his rainbow-quilled tail flicking occasionally.

In my favorite universe with my favorite friend! And I get to be a girl at the same time! The only thing that would make this better would be if I didn’t have a constant rumbling coming from my belly. It was like being hungry as a human; that gnawing, clawing, scratching from your stomach. But added to that, was the feeling of your belly actually kicking out and making ripples. Just like the show.

I suppose I should be mature and not say anything, shouldn’t I? Be a good Catholic pony and just offer the pain up for the souls in purgatory. Big Sister, I offer this to you. You know what to do with it. Those sparkling indigo eyes… when will I see you again?

A feeling of comfort washed over me; almost like a promise. I looked over to Robin as he frowned while looking up a tree.

“It’s so incredibly quiet,” he whispered. “Other than the birdsong…”

“No cars,” I said simply.

“It’s like the world before the industrial era,” he whispered yet again.

When you haven’t heard silence for a long while, like, true, true silence, the sound is beautiful. Enthralling. Distracted from our goal, we stood there in a state of hypnotic reverence. Lack of sleep might have had something to do with it, too.

Grrrrrralllllll!

I screamed. Both Robin and I jumped. Wait, I screamed?

I dropped to the ground and covered my mouth with my hooves. Robin glared at me. My cheeks were very warm. Is screaming something I’m going to have to get used to?

“What even was that?” I asked in the quietest hiss I could muster. It wouldn’t surprise me if Ponyville heard my shriek.

Robin opened his mouth only for the Grrrrrrallllll sound to interrupt him. It was accompanied by a rippling across his belly. It was his turn to blush, while I exploded into yet another fit of giggles.

***

We soon found ourselves walking along a gentle river. It flowed what I assumed was southward, opposite our heading. It was an opaque blue, until we stood over it. And for the first time since becoming a pony, I saw my reflection.

These turquoise eyes, and the cute surprised expression; a blue horn and yellow curls. I brought a hoof up to my face, brushing it against my cheek while staring into my reflection. What I saw was something I utterly and completely loved. The face looking back at me soon changed from surprise to a blush and a beaming smile. And soon, she was crying. Serene, quiet tears dropping into the creek.

I never liked my reflection. I never hated my reflection. It was something that simply just was. Now, if it weren’t for those little tears interrupting the image before me, I’d probably stare at that face all day. Give Narcissus a run for his money.

Robin’s gagging brought me out of my trance. We looked into the river simultaneously, but he quickly backed away and was now hacking beside a tree. Pity shot through my heart, and the urge to place my hoof on his back.

But you’ll tell me you’re fine and push me away, like you always do, won’t you?

So I sat quietly and waited for him. My ears flicked about, trying to ignore the noise. Eventually he stopped and trotted back to the river, closed his eyes and began guzzling the blue liquid.

“It’s sweet,” he said with a cough, water dripping down his muzzle.

“Hopefully that doesn’t mean there’s antifreeze in it,” I joked as I followed his lead and dipped the end of my nose and lips to the surface of the water, trying to not be distracted by those gorgeous turquoise eyes.

The water was indeed sweet. Not sugary, but a different kind of sweet; a cool satisfying sweetness like biting into a fruit.

“I don’t think the ponies have antifreeze,” said Robin, causing me to cough up water.

I wiped off my muzzle. “Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?” he asked as we began walking again.

“For making this body.” I glanced over to the riverside to watch my reflection as we walked. My eyes traced my fluffy tail and cutie mark; a red heart with the lilies sprouting from it.

“I didn’t make it,” Robin said quickly. I held my tongue, and continued to watch myself in the river. “I just… Why does being a girl make you so happy? I haven’t seen you this way… almost ever. Only sometimes when playing a game. Like that time we tried playing Smash Bros in a mirror.”

“I really don’t know, M… Robin. I really don’t know. It just… does. When I look at that reflection,” I watched myself as I spoke. “I see… beauty. It fills me with euphoria I’ve never felt before.”

“You were beautiful before,” answered my friend. “In your h-h-h-horsanity… Ugh! In your Godly created image. And in your masculinity. I saw the femininity, too. But, altogether, I saw God’s handiwork. I didn’t like seeing you hurt, but… your sorrow was also beautiful. I’m afraid I’m going to lose you. The h-h-hor–what you were before. What you were created to be. The boy you were. My friend…”

I broke my gaze from the creek to watch Robin instead. “That’s not going to happen, Robin. Inside, I’m the same… friend you always knew. You’re just seeing another side of me, that’s all.”

“How can you be so happy about it? Everything screams that this is all wrong! Every sensation in this body. Not having… h-h-h-hooves–not able to talk normally! The birdsong isn’t even right! Everything is alien.”

“Have you considered…” I said slowly. “That what you’re feeling is what I felt everyday?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that my body, when I was a h-h-horse. Okay, I admit that’s annoying. When I was a… boy,” I said the last word hesitantly and more quietly, like a hiss. “Nothing ever felt right. I mean, sure, not quite as bad as h-h-h-hooves and f-f-f-fetlocks… seriously?! Again?! Whatever! Not as bad as being the wrong species, but still… If I looked in the mirror, it looked wrong. Everything masculine about me just felt wrong. And guys would always have fun being competitive or seeing who’s the strongest… and I had a little of that, but it was just the testosterone talking! Not me. And I realize that it’s partially just a stereotype, some guys don’t care about athletics and that’s cool. Some girls love having muscle. And that’s fine. But for me? I felt like I was on the wrong side of things all the time. I would watch girls chatter, being free with their emotions, and I would always think, ‘I want to be like that!’ but it wouldn’t come naturally. Like I was betraying cultural expectations, or something. Of course, that’s social stuff. But I can guarantee you, I wasn’t comfortable with what my body looked like. Or the clothes I wore. Things… it felt like the shape was wrong.”

I looked back at my reflection. That’s right. You’re a girl. You don’t have to let those thoughts bother you right now.

When I looked back at Robin, his eyes were wide in thought. “I never thought of it like that before. Well, I did, but now I…I’m sorry. I guess some part of me never believed you before. Like, just get used to the body you have, An-n-n-n-Lilyheart… Y-you want me to use female pronouns, don’t you?”

“Well, it would be weird, and unpleasant if you didn’t once we got to Ponyville.” I eyed the thatched roofed buildings, steadily becoming ever closer.

Robin halted suddenly. “We actually should figure out exactly what we should say. I mean… I didn’t tell Midnight anything. And I don’t think I want to tell random background ponies that we’re h–what we are.”

“I agree. Except for the Mane Six… well, maybe not Pinkie Pie. At least not until we’ve met the others.”

“Basically, just head straight to Twilight’s library. Or the castle. If it’s there. We should have looked for it when we were on the hill,” agreed Robin. “But as for who we are?”

“It’s not like we can say our names are An-n-n-n-Lilyheart and M-m–m-m-Robinwind, and we’re friends from earth. Oh. I guess we can say the last part. The real world? I don’t think they’d like that. Regardless, if Twilight’s been to the Equestria Girls universe, then just saying we look like the creatures from that world ought to explain. We’ll know if Twilight has her wings if that’s the case.”

“Okay,” said Robin. “Until then, I’m… Robinwind. And you’re… Lilyheart. I’m… a horse. A p-pony.”

“Maybe think of it like playing a character? Like DnD. Or a play?” I offered.

“That’s what I’m trying to do.” He pranced in place for a moment. “I’m an earth pony… I’m probably a farmer or something. Used to hard labor… from San Filliesco?” He eyed me strangely.

I shrugged. “I mean, they have farmland not too far away from it, right? To anyone not from California, San Francisco just means northern California to them.”

“That’s not my problem. Where’d you even get the idea from? Does it show up in the later seasons?”

“Nope. Maybe the comics, though. I just kind of came up with it on the spot,” I said.

“Okay,” Robin said again. “So, I’m an earth pony from west of Equestria. So… I’m practical. A hard worker. Dang it! I’m just Applejack! And I don’t have a clue how to explain my cutie mark!”

I glanced over at the slender red cross with brown wings.

“You… like birds?”

“What does that have to do with farming? Do I farm feathers or something? Ponies farm rocks, why not feathers, too? And the cross? Are ponies religious? Everything’s so perfect, why would they need a Savior? They have magic to raise the sun, why have God? And magic is apparently good, not something hipster teenagers do when they think they’re being all cool checking out ouija boards before getting possessed by demons and become witches trying to bring about the downfall of the Catholic Church! But that doesn’t matter, no Church, here! No bishops or popes! Might as well get Celestia the papal tiara! It’s big enough to fit her crazy hair! But if Celestia’s the Pope, what does that make Luna? A Bishop? The Patriarch of Constantinople? I mean, I can imagine her singing Gregorian chant; she might as well be Eastern Orthodox!”

Robin finished this tirade with a maniacal laugh.

“Robin…”

He collapsed on the ground and covered his head. “I… Lilyheart, I… I’m not having an easy time.”

I rushed over and placed a foreleg over him. “It’s okay, Robin. I can take care of the talking. You… I think you just need some sleep.”

“That’s not my name!”

“I’m sorry.” Okay, clearly saying Robin doesn’t help. “I believe we can get back home. I believe we can… become what we were before… It’s okay to be afraid.”

He only whimpered in response.

“The emotion will pass. The emotion will pass,” I said as I knelt down beside him. “I’m here for you. We will get through this.”

“Um, do you two need help?”

I looked up to see an amber-colored mare with a fiery mane looking at us bewildered.

“Sunset Shimmer?” I gasped.

Author's Note

Is it narcissism if it isn't your original body? And is it poor body image if it wasn't the body you had before?

Special thanks to awesome proofreader Rainy!

Chapter Twelve: Ponyville
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Twelve: Ponyville

🥜

What on earth was happening to me? Why am I crying? Why am a pony, stuck in a girly cartoon world with my friend mothering me like he isn’t the one incapable of holding a job and being responsible about anything?

“Eh, yep, that’s me,” said Sunset, albeit a little awkwardly. Maybe we can go to the Equestria Girls universe and then at least I can have hands. Sunset muttered something.

“Sunset, I know you don’t know us, but we need your help,” Lilyheart was saying. Or should I still think of him as Andrew? What do you want me to do, God?! I don’t know!

“We need to get to either the Golden Oaks Library or Twilight’s Castle–the Castle of Friendship!” Lilyheart continued. “If you don’t know what one of those is, just forget it and take us to the one you do know. Sunset, please. You’re one of the few ponies in all of Equestria I would trust.”

“Um… sure. I can take you to the Castle of Friendship,” answered Sunset. She sounded quizzical. But I kept my face buried. “Can I ask, why?”

“Post-season four, confirmed! One moment, please,” answered Lilyheart, and then gently to me, “R– Can you stand? I’m certain things will be better once we get to the castle.”

I nodded and slowly stood up, looking at Sunset for the first time. Confused and concerned cyan eyes and same old bacon hair. She was carrying a tan saddle bag.

But I was distracted by the presence of Lilyheart’s hoof on my foreleg, as though preparing for me to fall over. A smothering presence is the exact opposite of what I needed.

“I’m fine. Please don’t touch me.”

Lilyheart flinched away immediately, as though I had slapped her hoof away. Great. Now I’ll have to apologize for that later. I guess you are still Andrew.

“We’re good to go,” I told Sunset as I began walking towards Ponyville.

“Uh, right, this way,” answered Sunset, her eyes hovering on my tail and flank. “So, uh, can I at least have your names?”

“Lilyheart!” cheered the blue unicorn as she appeared by Sunset’s side with the exuberance of Pinkie Pie. “Don’t tell Rainbow, but I think you’re the coolest pony in Equestria.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“No problem! It’s not a compliment if it’s the truth!”

A yellow pegasus flew by just as we entered the outskirts of Ponyville. Horses. Horses everywhere. A few unicorns trotted by, one levitating paint brushes and jars of paint; another, a few teddy bears. An elderly stallion sat upon a bench, a subtle smile on his muzzle as he watched the passersby. A pink unicorn with an oddly shaped horn led a hyperactive foal, probably to school. I choked when Lyra and Bon Bon brushed past.

“We eat at the Cafe almost everyday!” complained Lyra.

“I asked you where you wanted to go, and you said anywhere that made me happy!” answered Bon Bon.

The pastel colors, noisy bustle of the ponies getting their day started… it was dizzying. I decided to ignore all of it the best I could (especially the strange looks the ponies were giving his horse body’s hindquarters) and focus on following Sunset Shimmer, her bacon tail swaying gently as she walked. But Lilyheart looked like she might faint from joy. Her head darted about causing her curls to bounce. She gazed longingly at the teddy bears, snickered when passing by Ponyville’s most famous couple, and almost looked like she was going to gallop over to snatch a particularly cute foal and squeeze the living daylights out of them.

“Eeeeeeee!” She pranced as we followed Sunset.

Andrew was never this happy. Was I wrong? My stomach… the horse stomach, twisted in knots. Guilt. Why do I feel guilty?

‘I said I wouldn’t leave without you.’

‘Always my Samwise the Brave!’

I tried to leave without you. I should leave without you. You belong in this place. I don’t. Isn’t that what Discord wanted to prove? But if my friend didn’t need me–No. I was disoriented. Confused. I wouldn’t have made that choice if I was intellectually sound; no more than making a bad choice in a dream can be a mortal sin.

“HIIIII, SUNSET SHIMMER!” screamed a high pitched voice with a subtle crack.

I looked over to see Sugarcube Corner, and at the top window, a very familiar, beaming pink face. Oh no.

The figure gasped, and shut her window.

“GOOD MORNING, SUNSET!”

Pinkie Pie was right behind us.

I leapt into the air. A goat was bleating somewhere close by. I found myself on my back, my legs frozen and stiff in the air.

Meanwhile, Lilyheart let out an “EEEEP!” and fled behind Sunset, who practically toppled over from Lilyheart clutching her legs.

“Uh, hi Pinkie,” Sunset answered. “I think–”

Pinkie gave an almost obnoxiously loud GASP, hovering into the air as she did so.

“Oh my gosh Sunset did you make new friends? Why didn’t you tell me? Where did you meet? When did you meet? This is so exciting! Almost like when I met Twilight for the first time and then I was all like -GASP- and then I ran away to set up her surprise party but then Nightmare Moon crashed it and it was the best day ever! Except now this day is even better because I’m meeting two friends instead of one which is like twice the fun which makes this -GASP- twice as bestest!”

“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie. What’s your name?” Pinkie was right next to Lilyheart, who opened her mouth to speak, but Pinkie was gone too fast.

“Oooh, and what’s your name?” Pinkie’s head appeared out of a barrel of oranges beside me. “What’s your story? Are you best friends magically transported into Equestria and turned into ponies by some unknown, mysterious force, and now off on daring quest to meet Twilight to hope that she can turn you back to normal, but first you’ll have to learn something about friendship and defeat some terrible evil force and face your worst fears like singing in public and having everypony laughing at you?”

Lilyheart and I blinked.

“Nah, just kidding. That would be totally unrealistic,” said Pinkie before recoiling her head back into the barrels of oranges and reappearing on the other side of me. She now stood there with her head cocked to the side, waiting expectantly for an answer.

“Right, Pinkie Pie,” answered Sunset. “These are two… ponies I just met. I’m taking them to see–”

Pinkie gasped again. “You just met them? Why didn’t you tell me, Sunset?”

“Uh, I just did?”

“Oh, right. So, any way, you were just telling me your na–”

Pinkie’s tirade of chaos quickly ended when I stuffed an orange into her mouth.

“I cannot deal with this right now,” I mumbled. “Pinkie Pie, I need you to respect my boundaries.”

Pinkie swallowed the orange whole and looked at me quizzically. “Boundaries? What are those? Are they a kind of cupcake?”

I face hoofed.

Lilyheart ran up to Pinkie and grabbed her shoulders. “Pinkie Pie, we love you, and you are the best pony… at throwing parties and cheering p-p-p-ponies up. But I need you to do a favor. The surprise party you want to throw for us? Or, welcome party, whatever? Can you please wait, like, a week, before throwing it? And pretend like… imagine if you were throwing a party for Fluttershy? You know, calm, gentle, not too overwhelming?”

“Aww, but I was going to try out my new party horns!” Suddenly she had one in her mouth and blew it in Lilyheart’s face. As the party horn unfurled, it made a sound more akin to an airhorn. It was as though there was a microphone inside it.

“Yes,” answered Lilyheart, her ears folded back from the noise. “But the best party is tailored to each particular pony, isn’t it? And the longer you go… if you wait a week then you’ll know more about us and can throw an even better party.”

Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened, and then her face formed a smirk. “Oh, you know how to speak my language, sister.” Pinkie broke from Lilyheart’s grasp and danced in the middle of us. “THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST PARTY, EVER!”

The word ‘ever,’ echoed. Every pony in the vicinity was staring. Pinkie dashed away, off to do who knows what.

Lilyheart fell to the ground and put her hooves over her head. “I’m surprised that worked. But… oh… that was too much for my introverted heart. It’s like that guy said about Teddy Roosevelt, ‘You have to wring the personality out of your clothes after.’”

“So, that was Pinkie Pie. Sorry about that. You get used to her. She really isn’t that bad once you get to know her,” said Sunset as she offered a hoof to Lilyheart.

“What did you say your names were again?” asked Pinkie.

“This is Lilyheart,” Sunset answered for us. “And… actually I didn’t get your name.”

“I didn’t say it,” I mumbled.

“He’s my brother!” blurted Lilyheart. “Forget his name for a moment. Just… just ignore that.”

Pinkie looked like she was processing something.

Brother, Lily? You’re a unicorn. I’m… look like an earth pony? We look nothing alike. Then again, there was Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake.

“Okay!” Pinkie shouted. “Also, Lilyheart’s Brother, I love the Hearth’s Warming Tree look!” She dashed away again.

Sunset eyed the two of us. “Do you two still want to go to the castle?”

“Yes,” Lilyheart and I answered in sync. She looked like she was going to say something, but then walked on. Darn it, Andrew, stop worrying about me and just make the stupid soda joke.

It took a few minutes of walking through the heart of Ponyville to get to our destination. A few buildings were familiar; the town hall, Rarity’s boutique, and also a smattering of random shops I never saw in the show. Most buildings were the same pink and off white to bland yellow, but a few broke the pattern.

Sunset soon led us to something of a main road that clearly led to the castle. A few ponies walking by waved at Sunset, while Lilyheart and I politely smiled and sometimes either gave a wave or even a gentle “hello,” back.

By the time we got to the gold, heart-encrusted doors of Twilight’s Castle, the horse hooves had finally begun to ache.

“Is it alright if you two wait here for a moment?” Sunset asked us. “There’s just something I want to check on. I promise I’ll be back really soon.”

Lilyheart and I nodded before watching Sunset trott up the stairs and disappear behind the doors.

“Are you okay?” Lilyheart asked.

“Yes,” I mumbled while trying to figure out how to stretch the horse legs. “And brother? Did you only say that so I’d have to call you my sister?”

“What? No. I mean, that does make me feel all bubbly inside to be called that, but no. Pinkie called me sister and it got me thinking.” Lilyheart hoofed the ground. “I can’t call you your real name, you obviously don’t like… the other name, so brother made sense. I mean, we used to refer to each other as siblings.”

“You can call me Robin.” I forced the name out. “I’m just tired, and it was a lot. But I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” It’s my problem, Andrew. Just let it go.

“O-Okay, Robin.” Ignored the twinge of annoyance when she used the word. Hail Mary, full of grace…

The gold doors swung open again. Sunset’s head poked through. “She’ll see you, now.”

We climbed up the steps and through the doors Sunset kept open for us. Odd that Spike wasn’t there to do it. Inside, we found the familiar burgundy floors, crystalline pillars, and faint purple walls. Sunset led just straight into the central chamber. The Cutie Map rested in the middle, hugged by seven chairs, and the roots of the Golden Oaks Library hung from the ceiling.

All of it lined up with Equestria as I knew it. Except, no alicorn sat in the chair with Twilight’s cutie mark. Instead, it was a completely different pony altogether.

Author's Note

:raritydespair: Pinkie why would you give away the plot like that?

Please give your best guesses for who has replaced Twilight!

This chapter features some very subtle cameos. The unicorn carrying paint supplies is a nod to the late GreyGuardPony's Skitch-Sketch, while the pink unicorn is the amazing whimsycreator's Pastell Swirl.

The yellow pegasus is actually supposed to be Parasol, but she's a background pony of such obscurity that Robin didn't recognize her.

Very special thanks to batty proofreader Rainy.

Chapter Thirteen: The Mare in the Chair
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Thirteen: The Mare in the Chair

🎂

When I was a kid, our church had an eccentric guest priest for a month. Eccentric priests are a dime a dozen; but what made him unusual was his viscerally heavy homilies; a fire and brimstone kind of teaching that would be more at home with some hyper Calvinist or Puritan Church. In one homily, to demonstrate his idea of what Hell was like, he began rhythmically pounding on the podium. And then he began moaning in imitation of what he thought the suffering sounded like.

A woman stood up and proclaimed him a false prophet and a heretic. In the middle of the homily. The priest seemed quite amused and invited the woman to continue speaking, but the ushers quickly forced her out of the sanctuary. Oddly, we never heard of that priest again. I heard that he was relocated to some monastery in the middle of nowhere Canada.

But that moment when she interrupted the priest, the world sort of spun for a moment. It was as though the doors had finally opened, or a missing piece revealed that the puzzle wasn’t what you thought it was at all.

Like something gone terribly wrong; what once seemed innocuous, now revealed as sinister. The gears in my brain ran in overdrive; desperately trying to figure out what had happened to produce this result.

Before I could solve the mystery of the Mare sitting where Twilight ought to be, I found myself engulfed in a giant puff of smoke. And when it cleared, a new figure joined us.

“Behold, the Grrrreat and Powerful Trrrrixie! What can the Great and Powerful magician do for you?”

Trixie stood atop the Cutie Map, her starry cape waving dramatically behind her.

“Trixie!” said the Mare.

“What?” said Trixie with a tilt of her hat. “If you’re going to put off hanging out with me for important work again, I might as well have some fun.”

The Mare facehoofed. Looking across the Cutie Map at us, sitting in Twilight’s chair, was Starlight Glimmer.

Robin gave a little cough from the smoke, and seemed rather disappointed to see Trixie. “Where’s Twi–YOW!”

If Robin was behind me, I would have tried stuffing his mouth with my hoof. But since he was in front, I jumped towards him and unceremoniously knocked him to the floor.

“Sorry!” I placed my forelegs on his shoulders. Look at me, dang it. Look at me!

“Why did you…” He trailed off when he saw my glare. Finally making eye contact, I shook my head.

I turned to face the Starlight. Her eyes glared at us, a discerning, inspecting frown. I liked Starlight. She was one of the most relatable characters, not just from the show, but perhaps in any fiction I’d ever seen. There was something about her that was positively familiar, which made it seem like she could be the likable co-worker, neighbor, or that one lady you chat with after Mass. But Starlight wasn’t supposed to be there. Not without Twilight. And if Twilight wasn’t here…

I glanced toward Sunset. A similar, slightly curious, but cautious expression was in her eyes.

That moment she went in before us… this was a set up. If we make one wrong move… the three mares flanking us were all, canonically, former villains. Something went wrong in the timeline. And the fact that there sat Starlight, sitting in Twilight’s chair of all things, made that all but certain to me.

Still, Starlight’s mane was parted to the side, as she wore it once she reformed. And her little exchange with Trixie was almost disarming. But she could be pleasant before she reformed. So long as she was content, Starlight was always pleasant. That made her even more dangerous.

Trixie looked back and forth between us, confused. “Is something happening? Did I do something wrong?”

I took a breath. Okay, girl, you got this.

“I’m sorry,” I started. “It’s just, this has all been disorienting for both my friend and I. Which is why we wanted your help, Starlight Glimmer.”

Starlight’s eyes softened. “Well, I’m not sure what I can do, but if it has something to do with a friendship problem, you’ve come to the right place.”

“Well, maybe not that so much as a magical problem,” I said. Think. Think. I can’t say we were turned into ponies, or from another world. For all I know, that would cue in a potentially villainous Starlight that we know something we shouldn’t. And then we’ll find ourselves cutie markless and stuck in a brainwash box. Or placed under a mind control spell. Or have our memories rewritten. Honestly, I might be a little fine with the last option. But Robin on the other hand–

“Can I at least ask about the quills?” he muttered.

“Yes!” Excellent distraction until I can think of a subtle way to get more information. “Actually, Ms. Starlight, if you don’t mind, can you take a look at my friend? He kind of had a run in with some puckwudgies.”

“Sure,” answered Starlight slowly. “But did you think of going to the clinic first?”

“It’s just the first of many problems,” I said.

Starlight got up from her chair and walked around the Cutie Map. “So, where did the puckwudgies get you?”

Robin grumpily turned around.

Trixie snickered, which brought a glare from Starlight.

“What? He looks like a turkey,” the great pony said with a shrug.

“I know, right?” I answered.

“Or a Hearth’s Warming Tree!” Trixie exclaimed.

“Exactly!” I echoed.

A giggle escaped Starlight’s lips. Trixie and I burst into laughter. I wanted to be serious, but since becoming a pony, holding laughter in had become an impossible task.

“This is not amusing,” Robin grumbled, turning his head to look at us. Sunset merely gave a nervous smile.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Starlight recovered, shaking a foreleg. “Though, with so many quills, you really are better off going to the clinic.”

“Can’t you just use magic and pull them off all at once?” Robin pleaded.

“I could,” answered Glimmer. “But that would also mean I might tear up a bunch of your skin and coat. A nurse would do it more slowly, but safely.”

Robin thought for a moment. “I don’t care. Please, just take them out.”

“Are you sure?” asked Starlight.

“He’s had a really long day,” I interjected.

“It’s still morning,” said Trixie.

“Exactly.” I pretended not to notice Trixie’s perplexion.

“I’m exhausted, and I just want these out,” said Robin. “I don’t care about this body.”

“R–brother…” I said quietly. He gave me a look of disgust. He really was done.

“I mean,” he said. “That I’m okay if it leaves scars. I’ve had them for most of the night and it really hurts. Please.”

You could have just let me pull them out.

“Okay,” Starlight answered in an unsure tone. Her face crumpled into determination, and her horn glowed. Robin was engulfed in a cyan aura, and then floated into the air. And by his expression, clearly he wasn’t very comfortable about it. The quills began to shake. Robin grimaced. In a single swift moment, the rainbow colored needles flew out and fell to the floor. And yet, as Robin was lowered to the floor, he looked less pleased than before. His flank was red, speckled, and his tail looked like it was missing some hair. I might have been tempted to laugh again, but at this point I felt too concerned for him.

“You really should get somepony more specialized to look at that,” said Starlight.

“Thanks. But not right now,” said Robin with a look back to his hindquarters. And then to me, questioning.

“Trixie, right?” I asked, “So, how did you and… how did such a spectacular and grand magician such as yourself meet the guardian of friendship?” Take the bait. Come on, take the bait. Give me more information.

And so Trixie did. She puffed her chest out at the complement, and a marvelous joy came to her eyes. “Well, it certainly was quite the meeting. As I was preparing for my Twice as Great,” she swept her cape around dramatically. “...And Powerful Tour, I found Starlight in a desperate search for a friend. She came to me begging for–”

“It was at a spa,” injected Starlight. I expected her to be slightly annoyed at Trixie. But instead, she was staring at me. Discerning, calculating. “Where did you two meet?”

“We knew each other as k-k-k-foals,” I answered, fairly truthfully. “Why were you so desperate for friends that day?” The game was very nearly up. She knew I was suspicious of her. And the feeling was clearly mutual.

“To impress another friend,” Starlight said while taking a few steps towards me. “What’s a guardian of friendship?”

“Something I made up to trick you into correcting me and revealing more information,” I answered while taking my own steps forward. Even if this Starlight was evil, I liked her. “Who was this friend you were trying to impress?”

Starlight blinked at my answer. Not expecting that answer, were you?

“It was a princess,” she smirked. “She’s retired now. Odd how you seem to know so much about us. Care to explain how?”

Dang. Almost as good as I was at being evasive. Almost. Our muzzles were only a few inches from each other, both our heads held high. Her eyes were a dark blue reminiscent of the ocean. I never noticed that before.

“I know I just asked this,” I heard Trixie say. “But is something happening?”

“I have no idea,” answered Sunset.

“You’re the famous mare in Ponyville’s castle. I pay attention,” I answered.

Robin snorted. Thanks for the back up.

“Which princess?” I asked. “And why did she retire?” Say it. Say the name. What did you do to Twilight Sparkle, Glimmy?

“Celestia. After ruling for a thousand years, I think she deserves a break, don’t you?”

I blinked. “Wait. Celestia?” My mind processed. “Who’s in charge of Equestria now?”

“Twilight, the Princess of Friendship, who’s also my friend.”

Click.

I dropped to the floor and cackled.

“Will somepony please tell the Great and Powerful Trixie what is happening!”

“More like the Baffled and Clueless Trixie,” said Robin, who looked surprised to have said it.

Trixie spluttered while I continued my cackling.

“Wait, wait, wait.” I rose my hoof into the air. “Let me ask a few more things to confirm this. Who’s the headmare of the School of Friendship?”

“I am,” Starlight answered, clearly losing patience with my lack of forthrightness.

“And the current whereabouts of Queen Chrysalis?”

“Last I heard, collecting cobwebs as a statue,” answered Starlight. “Unless you know something I don’t?”

“We’re in season ten!” I finally exclaimed to Robin. “Sorry for jumping on you, but the moment I saw you,” I motioned to Starlight. “Sitting in Twilight’s chair, I thought maybe we were in some twisted alternate evil timeline or something. How long has it been since Twilight took charge?”

“Only a few moons,” answered Starlight. “Why did you think you were in an alternative timeline?” After Stalright finished the question, her expression of confusion became one of sudden understanding. “Oh. Right. I did that. But, how do you know about it?”

“And how did you know my name, or to even trust me?” Sunset asked, crossing her hooves timidly. “At first I thought it was just because everyone knows about my story, and I didn’t question it because you looked like you really needed help. But, as we were walking, I realized, when you looked at me, it was like you recognized me. You knew who I was immediately.”

“Because we did,” I answered. “R–my brother and I weren’t ponies yesterday morning. And, we weren’t even in this universe. We were more like… M-m-Ro–Brother, what’s the high school called in Equestria Girls?”

“Canterlot High,” he answered.

“Yes! Canterlot High! Yesterday, we were in a universe like that one, and were h-h-h-horse–ugh! We were creatures like that. Suddenly a portal opened up, and boom! We’re both ponies.”

“There’s another portal back to Canterlot High?” exclaimed Sunset, her eyes wide with excitement. “Where is it?”

“We’re not from Canterlot High,” Robin explained before I could. “Our world and the one you went to are different. We aren’t as colorful, or cartoony. And a few other things work differently there. And, there’s no magic there whatsoever at all.”

“Oh…” Sunset muttered. The disappointment on her face and in her voice was blatant.

“Why are you here?” I asked her. “You do live in the Canterlot High world, don’t you?”

She looked away quickly to hide it, but I still saw the tears immediately forming at my question. “No, not anymore,” she answered.

“I… why?” I asked. Guilt stung me. What had caused someone so fierce and confident as her to behave like Fluttershy? To behave like me?

After a quick motion to wipe her face, Sunset turned back to me with sharp glare. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

Now my eyes stung. “I’m sorry.” It was my turn to face away, except that meant facing everypony else in the room. I just met one of my favorite characters of all time, and I hurt her. And it was stupid and I didn’t mean to and obviously she knew that and she didn’t mean to hurt me. But the warm, quiet tears wouldn’t stop anyway.

If it weren’t for Robin, I probably would have just run away.

Author's Note

Ever think you're being really smart about something but it turns out not so much?

Double special thanks to proofreading duo Rainy and Ashel! Double the proofreading!

Chapter Fourteen: A Shrinking Lily
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Fourteen: A Shrinking Lily

🥜

Don’t you ever tire of being the adoptive parent of this man-child stuck in a pony daydream?

The horse hindquarters were more sore now than they were before with the quills in them. I was hungry. Or, at least, the horse stomach was hungry, but as long as I hadn’t eaten, I ought to be hungry. I was tired. My eyes were dry, and my horsestincts told me to just lay down and curl up to sleep.

Lilyheart’s eyes, on the other hand, were sopping; little tears dripped to the crystalline floor below. To her credit, she remained silent, and looked like she wanted to hide.

Sunset’s eyes quickly softened to pity. “I-I didn’t mean…”

I lowered my head to meet Lily’s eyes. “Do you want to go?” I asked in the gentlest voice I could muster.

She shook her head and opened her mouth as though to speak, but nothing came out. She lifted a hoof, pointed it at me, and then at Glimmer. Finally, she pointed the hoof at herself and opened her mouth again, as though to make a motion like she was giving her voice to me.

“Do you want me to speak for you?”

She furiously nodded, droplets sprinkling about.

I looked up at the others and sighed. Lilyheart sank to the floor and curled her tail around herself.

“My… My sister is really sensitive. You didn’t really do anything wrong,” I said to Sunset. “I’ll take over the talking for now.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Starlight asked.

Lilyheart nodded, and quietly crawled over so she was facing directly away from everyone.

“I think that means she doesn’t want to talk to you,” said Trixie, to which Starlight merely rolled her eyes.

I took a few steps back so that I was facing Lilyheart again. “Can I touch you?”

Her milky eyes looked uncertain, but she nodded.

With a wince as pain shot through the hindquarters, I sat down and began patting her head with a hoof, not too different than she had done to me when we first became ponies. At least I could do this. If nothing else, at least I could do this. I looked back up to the others, still patting Lilyheart’s head. “Let’s get back to what we were talking about before… except I forgot what that was.” I need sleep!

Starlight and Trixie exchanged glances.

“Why don’t we go back to the part where you explain how you know so much about us if you’ve only been in Equestria for less than a day. And if there isn’t any magic in your world, how did you get here, anyway?” asked Starlight.

“Well…” I started. “That’s hard to explain. On Earth… you’re all characters, in a television show.”

“What’s a television?” asked Trixie.

“We have those on my world,” cut in Sunset. “Think of it like a mirror that can have any image you want on it. And noise, too. Even music. You can use them to watch the news or… watch fiction, like characters in a play…” Sunset looked at me oddly. “Are you saying we’re in a TV show?”

“Yes.” Lilyheart probably wouldn’t like that answer. But since you’re not going to talk, too bad.

“Trixie still doesn’t understand.”

“He’s saying that we’re basically in a book. Like we’re all just, characters. Fiction,” said Sunset, stomping her hoof into the ground. “Which is absurd.”

“Any more absurd than the fact that I have hooves, and we’re talking ponies?” I asked. “Or that there’s magic at all? I just watched Pinkie Pie break multiple laws of physics!” Taking a pause from petting Lilyheart, I pointed a hoof at Sunset. “And you’ve been to another universe… world, thing. You’ve been a different creature before. Like, how else do I know everything I know?”

“But, how?” asked Sunset. “There was no show about Equestria where I’m from. Is every TV series somehow real, with a universe of its own?”

“I have no idea!” I cried. “Yesterday morning, the world made sense. Ponies were ponies. H-h-h-h-horses were hor–and I was me! Now, I have hooves! Ponies aren’t supposed to talk, or be blue or pink! This was all just something I watched to have a little fun. Now… now I just want to go home.”

“And that’s why you came here, because you thought that maybe Twilight would still be here and would be able to send you back to your world?” Starlight asked.

“Or at least transform us back to the way we were before,” I said.

“Trixie still doesn’t get it.”

“Trixie can wait,” quipped Starlight before looking back at me. “It just so happens I’ve been experimenting with magic to try and open a portal to other worlds. But, I haven’t had much luck.”

“What about turning us back into… ugh. I can’t say the word. Sunset, can you?”

“...Humans?”

“Yes!” I shook a hoof. “Why can’t I say it?! Or h-h-h-h-hooves! Ugh!”

“I’m not sure that would be a good idea,” said Starlight. “If the magic that brought you here is anything like the one that used to connect Equestria and the world Sunset is from, then transformation is part of the process. Anything I do to affect your form here, could affect your form there.”

“You could try turning me back after! Please!” I begged. “This isn’t my body. I’m going insane!”

“What’s so special about being a…who-man, anyway?” asked Trixie. “We’ve been ponies the whole time, and we don’t have any problems with it.”

“You were born as ponies! I wasn’t! I…” I looked down at my hooves. “Please.”

“Well… I can try to undo any magic cast on you,” said Starlight.

I nodded.

Her horn glowed, and I felt myself surrounded again by her telekinetic touch. It was almost like being dipped in room temperature water, if water could somehow lose its wetness. It was this odd sensation somewhere between eerie and comforting; each little hair of the horse coat felt the touch, like a brush hovering just over the skin. I could feel it, but I couldn’t.

And then it ended.

I looked frantically down at myself. Still hooves.

“That’s… weird,” said Starlight. “I sensed a lot of harmony magic on you. Like, a lot. But nothing that changed your form. You should have an expert look at you, but, as far as I can tell, you’ve always been a pony.”

As if to cement the fact, a whinny escaped from the horse mouth as I tried to process what she said.

“I’m sorry,” said Starlight.

“That’s okay. Lilyheart and I will just go to Canterlot. That’s where Twilight is, right? I’m certain she’ll have a way.”

“Both Twilight and Starlight have been trying to find a way to send me back home for the past month,” Sunset cut in while waving a hoof.

“And that’s a world that we know was saturated with Equestrian magic,” continued Starlight. “That world was intricately tied to our own. If what you say about your world is true, the only tie it has to this world is from this… TV series. I’d have no idea where to even begin. And while I’m not going to stop you from going to Twilight, neither would she. I’m sorry.”

“Discord, then! He can send us back! He can do anything! Where is he?” I shouted.

“He kind of just comes and goes as he pleases…” said Starlight. “He’s not a tame draconequus.”

“We’ll go to Fluttershy. She’ll know how to find him. Or at least get his attention,” I turned around, the bothersome horse tail wagging back and forth. Until it caught on something. I looked down to see Lilyheart holding it. Her face was dry, but her eyes were a little red. And she was shaking her head.

“Wh–why?” I asked.

Her face wrinkled into a frown and she opened her mouth, but no words came out. Lilyheart then closed her eyes and then began mouthing silent words.

“I can’t understand you,” I said. “Lily, let’s go. Starlight can’t help us.” Andrew, I would like nothing more than to fix you and take care of your every single problem, but this is too much right now!

But she only clutched upon my tail tighter, still shaking her head and mouthing what I suspect was a “No!”

“Don’t you want to go see Fluttershy?”

Her eyes shone for a moment, but she tapped the floor with her hoof and mouthed what looked like “Here!”

I sighed. “Can I at least go for a walk? I’ll come back.”

After a moment, she removed her grip. How did you even hold the tail to begin with?

“Thank you,” I said as I briskly trotted out, the hooves clattering on the floor. I pushed the doors open with my head and raced down the steps.

I felt at least a little better the moment sunlight hit the horse coat. The bustle of the ponies from the town filled my ears, and the occasional birdsong. I raced around the far side of the castle, so that no one, or no pony, would bother me. Canterlot immediately came to my sight, far off into the distance.

Stupid! Stupid! What am I doing! What am I supposed to do!? At least I wasn’t the one who hurt Andrew this time. That’s for you to figure out, Sunset.

The hooves kicked the grass as I walked. But that wasn’t by accident. I made the hooves kick the grass. Like a child dragging their feet. Were these really my hooves? I was the one controlling them, did that make them mine? My family used to own horses. If it was our horse, did that make its hooves, our hooves? Nobody would ever say that. But nobody had ever been turned into a pony before.

Before today, I was me. The line between my soul and body didn’t matter; my body was a part of my soul. My humanness was an intrinsic part of who I was. If this body is a pony… does that mean my soul itself was transformed, too? Did some part of me die when I came here? Am I even Matt Koning anymore? Was I ever? The stupid line from Romeo and Juliet popped into my head, “Would a rose by a different name smell as sweet?” Or something like that. I hated Romeo and Juliet. That’s not love; that’s just two teenagers with hormones and a priest who ought to have known better.

But until yesterday, I never had asked these questions. Not really. I was Matt Koning, and that was a part of me that I thought no one could ever take. Just like my humanity. Just like my home. Just like Diana. Just like my dad. Just like my uncle. Tears immediately began dripping down my face. Or the muzzle. Whatever!

Have you considered that what you’re feeling is what I felt everyday?

That couldn’t be true, could it? You were still human. Even if you had a feminine soul or whatever, it couldn’t have been that hard. How can you be so content and happy at the expense of your humanity? But if this is what you suffered… then it was more than I ever imagined.

Eventually, I came to pass a small copse of trees. Suddenly, all of my confusion, all of the pain of years of loss came out in a single moment.

SMACK! I could feel the surface of the bark. If I had hit that hard with my hands or feet, I certainly would have bruised them. But horse hooves were sturdy and strong. Which meant I could use more strength without getting hurt.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

Balancing myself on the hindlegs, I struck the trunk repeatedly like a boxer. Just like Punch-Out! Even if he was the worst Smash character.

Right jab. Right jab. Left jab. Right hook. Left jab.

This feels human.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! BONK!

“Ow!” Pain shot from my head. An acorn dropped to the ground, and I looked up to see a squirrel shaking its paws like an angry New York cabbie who didn’t get tipped.

“Oh. Heh. Sorry. I guess it’s hard to collect nuts when somep-p-p-pony is hitting the living daylights out of your home like that. Can I use one of the other trees? Why am I talking to a squirrel?”

“The better question is why you’re talking to yourself,” said a voice from behind me.

“Trixie?”

“Your sister asked me to follow you. Well, not so much asked as much as grabbed my hooves and wouldn’t stop shaking me and pointing until I agreed to follow you,” she explained while taking a seat. “Why me, I have no idea.”

“I’m… surprised she thought of me.” And I have no idea why she would choose Trixie, either.

“Don’t siblings normally think of each other like that?” she asked. “Or do they not do that in this… Teeveeseers world of yours?”

“One of my brothers did. The other moved as far away from me and the rest of the family as soon as he could. But Lilyheart isn’t…” I slowly trailed off. I didn’t want to bother explaining that. “Sometimes she’s the most selfless person I know. And sometimes, she’s the most selfish.” Oh. That was worse. That was way worse! “I shouldn’t have said that. Never mind. She’s my friend. And you’re right that siblings and friends ought to look out for each other. Just please forget I said anything. She would be very hurt if she heard what I said!”

Trixie only looked at me quizzically. “Um… Okay. That sounds… complicated.”

“It’s my responsibility. I… I don’t want to talk about it.” That’s right. My responsibility. That’s what I decided before. No, Discord, I’m not tired of taking care of my friend. Not yet. I am Samwise.

“When do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

I looked at her with a smile. “When will you wear wigs?”

“Huh?”

“Thank you, Trixie. You helped me remember something important.”

“Huh? I mean, of course the Grrreat and Pow–”

I shot my hoof into her mouth, something which didn’t seem to please her very much. “I get the point, Trix. Let’s go back.”

Trixie forced my hoof out of her mouth. “You dare place your hoof inside the Great and Powerful mouth of Trixie?”

“Believe me, I already regret it,” I said while wiping it on the grass. Warm and slimy. Ew.

“Blahhhh!” Trixie frantically ran her own hooves rapidly over her tongue.

As we walked towards the castle, I stumbled a little in weariness. Trixie looked at me oddly. There was a gentle breeze, but the sun was warm. If it weren’t for how cartoony it all was, I’d find it all beautiful.

“I’m fine,” I told Trixie with a flick of the horsetail.

“You look like you’re about to fall over, but you’re fine?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Ohhh-kay. Right,” she answered in a voice that clearly said she didn’t believe me. “You remind me of her.”

“Who?”

“Oh, no one,” said Trixie. “Just a friend who likes putting every responsibility imaginable on her shoulders and even if she asks for help, it’s only after she’s tried every possible way to do it herself first; as though she thinks that somehow we’d all think less of her if she would ask a simple favor every once in a while instead of filling her plate with so much tasks she never has time to hang out and no matter how many times she learns this lesson she still keeps doing it.”

I grumbled. “And you remind me of… my sister.”

She rose an eyebrow. “Just because we’re both blue unicorns hardly makes us similar. Trixie would never be put to silence by a mere glare!”

“Unfortunately.” I shouldn’t have said that.

“What’s unfortunate?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I answered.

Trixie frowned, clearly unable to figure out what I had meant. “Why did you think your sister and I are so similar?”

“I’d rather not say. It would be… mean.”

“Mean? How could… oh, I see! You’re right! Any comparison to the Grreat and Powerful Trrixe would be unfair to those less powerful.”

And that’s exactly the sort of thing Andrew would say, even though both of you are irresponsible, have egos so fragile you can set them off with a pinprick, can be obsessive about something to the point of lunacy, and are both infuriatingly needy. Still, at least An–Lilyheart can be–

“Although, everypony is great and powerful in their own way,” said Trixie, adjusting her cloak with her telekinesis. “It’s just sometimes hard to see at first. Unlike with me, of course.”

Who are you and what have you done to Trixie?

“Just something I’ve learned in my many adventures and travels throughout Equestria,” she finished.

“Like with the Ursa Major?” I asked.

“Ursa Major!? Where!?” Trixie shrieked, and suddenly a puff of smoke enveloped us both.

My throat immediately went dry and I began coughing. Once the smoke cleared I looked back and forth to find Trixie gone. But an odd rattling came from the tree above. Looking up, I found her, terrified and hugging a branch.

“Uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” I said. “There’s no Ursa Major. Or minor.”

“Scared? Trixie is never scared! Of course there’s no Ursa Major! I was just checking how well my smoke bombs worked. Heh, see! You had no idea where the Vanishing and Reappearing Trixie was!”

“Right…”

Author's Note

In boxing, at least, there's no such thing as a left jab or right jab; a jab is only from the left fist, and while the basic equivalent from the right is called a cross. But Robin wouldn't know that, so, right jab and left jab it is.

Has anypony else ever found themselves unable to speak after getting a glare or being shouted at? If you have, please let me know. Because I've never heard of it, but it's happened twice to me before.

Special thanks to amazing proofreaders Rainy and Ashel!

Chapter Fifteen: A Tea Party
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Fifteen: A Tea Party

🎂

I’m a sobbing mess in front of a few of my favorite characters. It was absolutely mortifying. Even more embarrassing to have Robin treat me like a child in front of them. And yet, when he lowered his head and asked if I wanted to leave, I felt just a little bit safer.

But I couldn’t talk. The words wouldn’t come when I asked Robin to take over for me. They just wouldn’t come.

Starlight asking me if I was okay only served to increase my embarrassment. So, like a shy child, I crawled behind Robin, my protector and guardian. Which is when he began to pat my head. Sometimes stroking his hoof back and forth, scratching itches I didn’t know were there.

And at some point, I dozed off. I could still hear the discussion. Kind of.

“We can’t walk through the TV,” said Sherlock, bubbles blowing from her pipe. Except the bubbles were the color of fire. “We have to watch the play in the mirror.”

“Yes,” said Matt, though he was upside down.

“Rai ron’t rit it,” said Scooby-Doo in a wizard’s hat.

“We’re book characters,” answered Sherlock. “We have to color ourselves in with crayons, first.”

My cat was meowing at me. He wanted more pets. But he had hooves and I needed to get his food. I opened the bag of cat food to find a container of orange chicken. I reached to take a bite with my paw…

“Rai rill ron’t rit it,” said Scooby.

I opened my eyes and stretched, everything coming back to me immediately. A flash of neon light. Now, Robin was getting louder. Distressed. Refusing to accept the simple truth from Starlight that I accepted a long while ago. We aren’t getting home any time soon.

“We’ll go to Fluttershy. She’ll know how to find him. Or at least get his attention,” Robin said, turning to walk away.

No. Stop. We need sleep. Food. If only my tongue would work.

I quickly wrapped my forelegs around his patchy, chocolatey tail.

“Wh-why?” he asked.

Maybe if I try. Let’s rest here, first. Rest. Here. I tried to push the words out. But nothing came.

“I can’t understand you,” he said. Such clear frustration on his face; but his words were still gentle. “Lily, let’s go. Starlight can’t help us.”

Yes, she can. You have to be patient. I grabbed my legs more tightly round his tail. No!

“Don’t you want to see Fluttershy?”

A little fizz of joy bubbled up in my heart at the thought. As much as a little girl wants to see Elsa at Disneyland. But not yet.

Here! I stomped a hoof on the floor, that lovely clop echoing through the hall. Stop, Matt! You’re not thinking straight! We’re both wrecks right now!

He sighed. Such a tired sigh. “Can I at least go for a walk?”

I don’t want you to go.

But I relaxed my grip anyway.

A moment later, I was left alone with the three mares. All unicorns, just like me.

“They’re from another world?” asked Trixie. “How many of these different worlds are there? Are more of these who-man things going to appear?”

“I don’t know,” Starlight mumbled. “Twilight and I have only managed to find records of a few others, and none of them were like Sunset’s. I’ll send a letter to Twilight about it later, for now…” She walked towards me, a hesitant smile on her face. “Maybe we should start over. Hi, my name’s Starlight Glimmer. Though, I guess you might have heard of me.” She reached out a hoof.

I gingerly reached out and did the best I could to smile. Moving was hard, like it took twice the energy it ought to. Yet, the moment our soles touched, I found my hoof attached to hers. Somehow, she gripped it. Maybe pony hooves were magnetic. Magical magnets?

She pulled, and using her support, I stood up. Then, whatever magic she used to attach our hooves together was severed, and my leg was free again. I gave a little bow to her.

“You’re welcome,” she answered.

I looked back towards the doors Robin had just gone through. I wanted to go with him, but I would have been useless to him in this state. But maybe…

Sunset would understand Robin, but she was clearly under a lot of stress herself. She still managed to be awesome, but it didn’t seem the right time. Starlight? A little weird asking her to follow someone who just left her house. But Trixie? Student counselor Trixie? Trixie who always acted arrogant and selfish. Trixie who was blunt. Trixie who could be paradoxically observant and oblivious as to the needs of those around her. Trixie who cared. Trixie who somehow always provoked the strengths out of the ponies she was with.

Of course, since he hadn’t watched season nine, Robin would be quite at a loss as to why I would think to pick her.

I began rapidly pointing my hoof at Trixie and then the door.

The other three mares looked about themselves a little confused.

“You want Trixie to leave?” asked Starlight.

I quickly shook my head. Robin! I mouthed. Wait, they don’t know that name. Go! With! Him!

“Lip reading isn’t one of Trixie’s talents. Shocking, I know,” said Trixie.

“She’s telling you to go with her brother,” Starlight translated with an eye roll.

I have never loved you so much, Miss Communist.

I nodded so rapidly, my vision got blurry.

“Why?” asked Trixie.

Really? You want me to charade all of my reasoning? Just go, Trixie!

I wrapped my forelegs around her own. Please!

“Okay! Okay! I’ll go! Just remove your hooves from the Great and Powerful One!”

After doing as she asked, Trixie slowly made her way towards the door. But she looked back dispiritedly. “Are you sure I should go with him? I mean, maybe somepony–”

“Trixie.” Starlight glared.

“Okay! Trixie will follow the angry pony and listen to his life story while he cries into tissues like the amazing school counselor of friendship I am!” There was a burst of magic around her, and she was gone.

I guess you kept up on your teleportation practicing, Trixie. Good to know Starlight’s early grey mane won’t be for nothing.

We were left with an awkward silence. I demurely shrank back and rubbed my hoof over my other foreleg.

“So, would you like some tea?” Starlight asked. Oh gosh, that smile. So awkward!

I meekly nodded, and soon was left alone with Sunset. Great. We locked eyes, and both of us immediately averted gazes. I found myself staring at the crystalline floor.

“I’m… going to take a seat,” said Sunset.

Right. A seat. That means I should do that, too. I watched as Sunset jumped up to Rainbow Dash’s chair, and positioned herself, at first, like a human. A subtle blush appeared over her face before she repositioned herself as the ponies normally did.

Intentionally choosing Fluttershy’s chair, I imitated Sunset the best I could… even though that meant sitting directly next to her.

It’s like being in middle school and sitting next to the kid you like, but only because you liked how the chair leaned back and you always sat in it and it would be weird if you suddenly chose a different spot.

Sunset twitched as though she was going to get up and take the next chair over.

I face hoofed. Lilyheart, you are an idiot. Of course, she wants to move. But now she can’t without making it more awkward. Did you have to make a big deal about sitting in Fluttershy’s spot? Just because of the butterflies? But, come to think about it, this was Fluttershy’s spot. She sat here. I almost wanted to search for hair or feathers. But that would be weird.

Still, it was like Picard told Data. To touch something made it more real. The same with to smell something. She was real. All of it was real.The chair felt just like crystal. Smooth. But, somehow, a tad warm. Did Harmony generate warmth? Like energy? It’s like it’s alive. But, I guess it is.

I was startled by a sudden BANG from Sunset. I looked over and found her head on the table, hooves over it.

My mouth opened… Sunset? Of course nothing came out.

“Tea! And scones. Sorry if they’re not the best, but Pinkie has been teaching me. Personally, I think she adds a little too much sugar, but somehow it works,” Starlight was saying as she entered, telekinetically holding a large plate with saucers, teacups, a teapot, and a stack full of scones.

An itch ran down my chin, which I brushed with my hoof. Wait, I’m drooling?! Is that a pony thing, or because I’m so hungry?

“Stallamon and spice?” Starlight asked me.

I nodded, and watched as a saucer and cup floated towards me, and was quickly filled by a hovering teapot. The scent of cinnamon filled the air. Stallamon? That’s just–ahh.

Starlight did the same with Sunset, who was pursing her lips. It made me realize I should say thank you. I’ll have to do that later.

“Apple Scone?” Starlight asked me, clearly unnerved by the silence.

I nodded again. Scones? Are those acceptable for breakfast? Or, is this just brunch for them?

Starlight repeated the question for Sunset, who mumbled a quick “No thank you,” and Starlight quickly prepared a cup and two cookies for herself. Two more cups and saucers remained on the plate. She must be planning for Robin and Trixie to return. Always prepared, Starlight.

“I’M SORRY!” Sunset suddenly yelled. “I didn’t mean to glare at you, or make you cry. It’s just, I miss my home. And my family! I just keep making mistakes and I got my hopes up that maybe I could go back…” Her cyan eyes were staring wide at me. “I’m sorry. Just, please, talk again.”

Once again I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I looked between Sunset’s pleading expression, and Starlight's shocked face. And then I laughed. Why am I laughing? What is funny? Still, the laughter came.

Starlight followed my lead by giggling a little, while Sunset looked at the two of us in confusion..

“I…I,” came a whisper from my throat. “I… I can talk!” Albeit, only in a pitch so high it almost hurt.

“Well, that’s an improvement,” said Starlight.

I reached over and placed a hoof on Sunset. My mouth opened, but the words were still difficult. “I understand. I think… you’re one of the coolest p-p-p-p-ponies ever. You’re… admirable. I’m just tired. And… sensitive. Really sensitive.” And hungry.

“If you really have seen me on TV,” said Sunset. “Then you know what I’ve done, and still think that I’m admirable?”

“Of course!” I chirped. “We’ve all made mistakes. Seeing you rekindle that fiery passion you have, but as a good guy, was inspiring. And the fact that you’re smart enough to give Twilight a run for her money. Normally, it’s one or the other. That moment when you started singing with… uh, I forgot their name… Rainbow something… Rainbooms! When you finally reclaimed your passion and took on the Dazzleings was fantastic!”

To my surprise, Sunset’s face fell. “Oh. You think I’m that Sunset Shimmer.”

It took me a moment to process what she said. “Wait, you’re h-h-h-h-horse Sunset Shimmer?! I mean–agh! You’re… You didn’t come from here originally? Steal the Twilight’s tiara and was a former student of Celestia?”

“No,” she answered dismally. “I was born human. Like you.”

“I…What happened? Wait,” I swung my forelegs wildly. “Never mind. I understand if it’s hard to share. But, I… I never got to see you appear in the show… Regardless, it doesn’t matter. Even if you’re not the same Sunset Shimmer, because I know the other one, I know what’s inside you, too. And, even without knowing what happened, I’m certain you can still overcome your past mistakes. That same fire in the other Sunset is in you, too.”

“She told me something similar,” said Sunset. “Before I… Sorry. I’m just… not ready.”

“Do either of you want honey?” cut in Starlight with a grin like the crescent moon. “Heh. Right, never mind. I’ll just add a few…” she trailed off as she began dumping generous globs of honey into her own cup.

The awkwardness again caused me to giggle. “Actually I’ll take two scoops, please.”

“What? Oh, right! Coming right up!” Starlight answered with a beam.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

“You’re welcome!” she said with a wink. “Sunset?”

“One scoop would be fine,” she answered dismally.

“You got it. By the way, did you pick up the zap apple jam from the Apple Farm?” asked Starlight.

“Ugh, I completely forgot about that. I came across Lilyheart and her brother just outside of town.”

“No big deal,” Starlight waved her hoof as though to slap the thought aside. “I’m certain the Apple’s will have some left this afternoon. You can go pick it up later.”

I watched as the two used magic to begin sipping tea and taking nibbles of scones. Sunset’s telekinesis seemed a little wobbly, and she grimaced when she first started, but slowly seemed to relax.

“Is there something wrong?” asked Starlight.

“Oh, no,” I answered. “It’s just that–”

“You’ve never used magic before, have you?” asked Sunset.

“No. Well, yes,” I scrambled. “I kind of had a sudden magic surge before I got here. I’m not super comfortable trying to test out my horn after that.” It still felt tender. “Do you mind just bringing some scones over to my plate? And, just, well, please don’t mind my table manners, since this is my first time eating as a unicorn.”

“Of course!” Starlight cheerfully complied.

“It took me a week before I could feed myself with my magic. I’m certain you’ll get the hang of it,” Sunset answered.

The smell of the cinnamon and warm baked goods filled my nostrils. I held my hoof to my mouth to make sure I wasn’t drooling. One more thing, first, girl.

“Actually, Starlight, um, if you don’t mind, is it alright if Robin and I stay here for a little while? At least until we figure things out. If you have room, of course.”

The two laughed. “Of course we have room!” said Starlight. “You can stay in Twilight’s old room. And your brother can have Spike’s old room from across the hall. We just finished clearing them out.”

“Thank you! Robin and I haven’t slept all night. Or eaten since lunch yesterday.” I eyed the scones. Savory, baked, goodness. I could see the steam drifting off them. When I looked up, I found that both mares were looking at me.

“You haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday?” asked Starlight.

“Or slept all night?” asked Sunset.

“Minus the part where I fainted because of the magical surge, no.”

“I’m not certain that was the magical surge,” said Shimmer.

“Why are you not eating the scones?! If I knew, I would have made more!” said Glimmer.

“I’ve gone longer without food before,” I shrugged with a smile, ignoring the rumble in my stomach. “I just wanted to figure everything out, first.”

The two looked at each other, and then back to me. “EAT!” they cried in union.

“Jinx, you owe me tea,” I mumbled quietly as I lowered my head to take my first nibble of food since becoming a pony.

Author's Note

Have I mentioned how awesome my proofreaders, Ashel and Rainy, are?

Chapter Sixteen: FOOD
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Sixteen: FOOD

🥜

After entering the main hall of the castle, we found the three unicorns sitting around the table, having what appeared to be a tea party. Great.

Lilyheart wildly waved a hoof at me. “They haff scones made from Sweef Apple Acres! They’re the besh apples Iff effer tasted! I don’t efen mormally like apples cooked!” Crumbs flew out of her mouth as she talked, and there was a small dollop of pink frosting on her nose.

“I also brought out some leftover muffins once I heard how long it’s been since you two ate,” said Starlight.

Some muffins was an understatement. At the center of the table was a three tiered plate, filled with muffins of various colors. Though, many of them, with their generous toppings of frosting, seemed more fitting to place in the cupcake range. Besides these was a pink and purple teapot on a plate with the aforementioned scones, and placed around the table were dainty little teacups and plates. It seemed a breakfast designed by a kindergartener.

“Are these muffins? Or cupcakes?” I asked as I took a seat at the closest chair.

“Honestly,” answered Starlight, “I’m not really sure what the difference is. Stallamon Tea?”

“I wouldn’t be able to drink from the cup,” I answered dismally, looking at the hooves currently attached to my soul. “But I am very hungry and thirsty.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Lilyheart with a swallow. “They know we can’t use our magic yet. Or hooves.”

“Just ask what you want, and I’ll move it over to you,” added Sunset. “I’m still practicing, anyway.”

First, a breakfast a kindergartener would eat, and now I have to eat like one. Great.

“Could you please give me one of the muffins?”

“Which one?”

“It doesn’t matter, just one without frosting,” I answered.

A yellow muffin hovered towards me. I looked at the mares sitting around me. Lilyheart was already devouring another cupcake, Sunset nibbling on some scones next to her with a smirk. Trixie took a seat next to Starlight and the two began chatting about weather pegasi. Which meant that no one was watching me embarrass myself by eating like… Lilyheart.

I’ve never known you to be so carefree.

Expecting banana, I took a nibble of the muffin, and found to my surprise it was lemon flavored. But not just lemon. I was struck by several sensations all at once. First, I realized for the first time how different my mouth was. My teeth were all the same size and shape, arranged perfectly symmetrical. No more canines. My tongue was at least twice as long. With all the other bodily changes, I hadn’t noticed.

But none of this compared to the assault of flavor which hit my mouth from that first bite. First was the warm and soft bread, which quickly dissolved as I chewed it into pure liquid flavor. Tart, sour, sweet… each, overpowering, like a shade of strong flavor, one after another. It was lemon as I knew it, but lemon like I had never tasted before. Yet, it was just a muffin. It had the consistency of muffin. And, despite all the sweet flavor, it didn’t taste unhealthy. It tasted wholesome, balanced while still overwhelming. And, for a single moment, the taste of the lemon meringue my mother would sometimes make.

A tear ran down my cheek, and my heart ached.

I immediately dove in for more muffins. Strong flavors weren’t necessarily appealing to me, but this… these were bites of Heaven. To my dissatisfaction, the muffin was soon gone. I began coughing as the last mouthfuls slowly went down my throat.

“Are you going to sit there choking, or are you going to drink some of your tea?” commented Trixie.

I wanted to rebuff her advice, but had to admit it was the logical thing to do. Looking down grimly at my… at the hooves, and realizing I had no chance of using them effectively, I lowered my head to the cup, dunking my snout into the tea, and sipped. Hot cinnamon and spice washed the lemon flavor away immediately. The cinnamon had an edge I’d never tasted before. Was it another spice? Or was cinnamon bred and cultivated differently in Equestria? Regardless, I found myself slurping up half the cup in a few seconds. And proceeded to cough again afterwards.

“This food is the best I’ve ever tasted,” I mumbled.

One muffin was plenty for right now. I should wait until later to eat more.

“Can I have two more muffins, please?” I asked Starlight, who obliged me with a gentle smile.

“I don’t think it’s just the food,” said Lilyheart, now resting her chin on the table. “I think it’s our taste buds. Makes me want to try a hay burger. Or a carrot dog. Or a daisy sandwich.”

“I think maybe you’re better off holding off on those for later,” said Sunset.

Well you two made up fast, I thought as I continued scarfing down the muffins before me. They were so good, my throat hurt. The latest chunk wouldn’t go down. I was already taking another bite before I could process this.

“Uh, you might want to slow down a little,” said Starlight. “I don’t want you to choke.”

I desperately tried to swallow saliva to help the food down. Oh, did that hurt. It was like having a rock stuck in my pipe. I spat out the food in my mouth and quickly took a sip of tea… except since the tea level was so low, my lips could no longer reach it.

“Rainy Skies told me it was going to be sunny until Thursday,” Trixie was saying.

“But Derpy told me it was going to rain on Saturday,” said Starlight.

I placed both hooves around the teacup, and bit the side of the cup so I could lift it up and drink as though it was a bottle. Warm tea splashed over my eyes and forehead, and nothing went past my lips.

“Oh, that’s okay!” said Starlight. “I can get you more tea!” A magically floating napkin quickly wiped off my forehead.

“I can ask Rainbow Dash when I see her later,” said Sunset.

Glimmer turned away from me to answer. “Oh, Rainbow Dash doesn’t work with the weather pegasi very much anymore. Too busy working with the Wonderbolts, the School of Friendship–”

“Finding a random cloud to sleep on and putting off all the work she can,” cut in Trixie.

“Well, yeah, that too,” said Glimmer.

Panic. Pressure. Pain. I tried waving my hooves to get attention, but Starlight, in her distraction, batted my head away with the napkin, covering my eyes with it. Now, I couldn’t see, either. Except for the shiny stars peeking out from behind the darkness. I scrambled my hooves over the fabric and peeled it off.

Again I could see the pastel world around me. But, it seemed different somehow. The colors were starting to blend together, like a water painting not yet dried. I looked over to see Lilyheart, her head downwards on the table. Maybe falling into another doze, content after finishing her meal.

Father in Heaven…

At that moment, Lilyheart slid her head upwards. She looked at me a little dreamily, until her eyes sharpened into discernment, and then concern. Her mouth opened.

“Robin is choking!” shouted Sunset.

Yes, Robin is! Thank you!

But the pastel world slowly grew darker; and I felt myself falling backwards.

The little fireplace in the cabin wasn’t quite warm enough. I inched closer to it, trying to suck in every little bit of heat I could as the small sticks and logs cracked.

“It’s your turn you know,” rumbled the deep voice of my uncle.

I looked back at the mighty bronze dragon before me. He was terribly cramped in the tiny cabin, his wings tucked at his sides and legs folded in the loaf position. Before him was the gameboard, along with the massive pile of dice he had just rolled. How did he always manage to get so many dice?

I looked at the d20. And then I looked at the grey horse hooves.

“You really ought to get over that,” said my uncle while inspecting his cards.

“They’re not mine,” I told him.

“You use them to walk, don’t you? And they hurt when poked? Do you laugh when they’re tickled?”

“Of course!”

“Then they're yours! And that’s a lot more use you get out of them than some other people do.”

“But I wasn’t born this way!” I shouted in my excitement.

“Neither was I. Even if you don’t like what you have, you need to acknowledge what you’ve been given before you can make a change. You need to accept it in order to move on.” My uncle untucked one of his legs and scratched his ear. “Of course, this is the age-old advice. Everyone knows this. But they never know how to apply it to themselves. Way how it is with a lot of things.” He then took a gigantic bite from what looked like a roasted chicken leg, except the chicken must have been the size of a dinosaur. Where it had come from, I have no idea.

I looked down at the hooves. My hooves? Mine… Down on the gameboard, the figure that represented me was a brown human figure. But, he had a much better goatee than I ever grew. “I’m scared, Pete. I’m scared that I’m never going to get back. I’m scared that I’ve lost something important I had.”

A single clawed finger stroked my cheek. That’s not something Uncle Pete would normally do. As the claw brushed against my cheek, I felt warmth, and the feeling of love boiled up within my chest. Suddenly, the fear was gone. It was burned away, replaced with the feeling of contentment; replaced with the feeling of being loved.

“It’s okay. You just gotta keep rolling,” Uncle Pete said, pointing to the game board.

I looked at my d20, and reached. I’m not sure why I was able to lift it, but it was now in… my sole. I tossed it upon the board, and watched it spin. And it spun and spun and spun. Why won’t it stop spinning? At the same time, a familiar pain returned to my throat. Where… Spinning and spinning; it was as if the die was in my mouth.

“Let me help you with that,” said Pete, who gave a sudden puff of breath.

And the die fell to a seventeen.

“Plenty good with your constitution,” said Pete.

I threw up, and the pain immediately quieted. At least, I thought I threw up. I found myself hovering in the air, back in the Cutie Map room. A chunk of muffin went flying through the air before landing on Trixie’s hat. Her eyes, already wide with concern, widened now in surprise.

By the glowing from Starlight’s horn, She was the one holding me, and had just given me the pony version of the heimlich maneuver. I was gently lowered to the floor, where I began involuntarily hacking.

“M-m-m-m-Robin!” cried Lilyheart.

I looked over to see her standing on the table. She must have run across it directly to get to me.

“I-I’m fine,” I spluttered. “But I’m really tired of everything in Equestria trying to kill me.”

Lilyheart leapt off the table and practically tackled me.

“Lily, not ag–” I began, but unlike last time, I didn’t push her away.

“Thank you,” she said. She gave one last, notable squeeze before letting go and backing away. Her eyes watered, but no tear came.

“I’m alright,” I coughed again.

“Sorry about the muffin. You might try eating slower next time,” said Starlight.

“Or maybe let someone know you’re choking earlier,” cut in Trixie before taking off her hat with a disgusted look and shaking it vigorously.

I gave her a subtle glare before turning back to Starlight. “I really hate to impose, but… I was up all night, and I’m absolutely exhausted. Starlight, is there any place I can sleep?”

“You nearly died, and your first instinct is to sleep?” asked Trixie, inspecting her hat.

“Of course!” Starlight ignored Trixie. “Lilyheart already took care of that for you. I can show you to Spike’s old room.” She began heading towards the hallway.

I looked at Lilyheart in surprise. Since when are you the responsible one? “Thanks,” I told her. She merely smiled at me. I turned back to Starlight and began to follow. “Spike got his own room in the castle? I didn’t notice. I figured he just slept in a little dog bed like he did in the library.”

“Maybe that was when he was a little too young to be by himself?” said Starlight. “I didn’t even know that about him. The library was destroyed before I met them.”

Lilyheart followed behind us. I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for the extra set of hooves clopping against the crystal floor. Or maybe… was there something about being a pony that made me more aware of my surroundings? I suppose it would make sense.

I flicked my tail, not in annoyance, but as a test. I let the sensations run from the tip of my tail and up my spine. The whip of cool air, the patches with missing hair almost pinching, tingly burning, the feeling of strength and control; these were my feelings. This was my tail and my hooves. The solid surface of the smooth crystal underhoof… cool, but not unpleasant. I still didn’t like it. Any of it. And yet…

Was that really Uncle Pete? Impossible. Why would he be a dragon? But visions sometimes can be symbolic and weird like that. And so can hallucinations.

“Well, here we are!” said Starlight cheerfully. “Some of Spike’s things are here, so if he ever stays over he can still feel like he’s home. But, the sheets are fresh and clean! And the bathroom is just down the hall. Oh, and Lilyheart, you can sleep in that room right there!” She pointed a hoof.

“Oh, thanks, but I might talk to Sunset for a bit, first. I mean…” she sighed. “I like you and Trixie, but, no offense, I really love Sunset. I mean–! I guess I shouldn’t talk like that. Some part of me still thinks of you guys like fictional characters. I mean, I really liked Sunset when I watched the show.”

I walked into Spike’s old room, and was met with the familiar purple walls and purple curtains. Even if I didn’t remember ever seeing his room in the show, the purple was pretty consistent. Was that the artist's fault, the writer’s, or the Tree of Harmony? I shook my head, ears flapping side to side. Some crystalline branches of the Tree lined the walls, giving some break from the purple. And at the end of the room, lay a golden, oval bed, with pale blue sheets and a branch hanging over it, a red gem encrusted into it.

“I understand,” Starlight said. “I think. It might take a while to get used to the idea of you two knowing so many things. But I’m glad to see Sunset having somepony else to talk to and share her experience. She was having a hard time there, for a while.”

“Lilyheart, you should go to sleep too. You need it,” I said. “You can talk to Sunset later. And Fluttershy when we go see Discord.”

Lilyheart struggled to cut short a yawn as I spoke. “I mean, sure… but I can stay up for a little bit.”

“Sunset will be here when you wake up,” Starlight helped.

“Lilyheart,” I said, staring her in the eye. “Go to bed. Please.”

I could see the struggle in her face. “I…” She looked down the hall, and then back at Starlight, then me, and then her blue hooves, one of which she lifted and shook a little. “Okay,” she finally answered.

Why is it so hard for you to make healthy decisions for yourself?

“Goodnight,” she chirped. “And thank you, very much, Glimmer.”

“You betcha!” Starlight answered with a wink, and Lilyheart headed towards the door.

“Thank you,” I mumbled to Starlight, who only nodded back.

With surprising ease, I shut the door, though maybe a little too loudly, and scrambled on the bed. I wasn’t entirely certain what position to lay in. After struggling to get under the blanket, first finding myself on my back, front hooves sticking up and my tail pressed into the mattress uncomfortably. I shifted to my side, and found it more comfortable, though only slightly. So I turned to the other side, and found it even more uncomfortable. I tossed and turned several times until I finally settled on a semi-side, glumly accepting it as the best I was going to get, and began praying.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Hail Mary… full of grace… please help me… the Lord is with you… sleep… comfortable. Blessed are you among women… help me with all of this… and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus… I love You. Take care of Andrew… Lilyheart. And mom. Will I see her…

Author's Note

I's been a while, hasn't it? I've had a lot of anxiety telling me 'This isn't good enough, no one will like it.' But, I'm trying to remind myself that I started this to have fun, and that's the goal.

Thanks to Rainy and Ashel, my editors who both give me confidence to keep writing.

Speaking of which, we have a name drop for another cameo. Weather pegasi really ought to have the forecast down for when ponies ask out of the blue. It can't be rainy all the time!

Thanks for reading!

Chapter Seventeen: Flip Side of the Bed
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Seventeen: Flip Side of the Bed

🎂

I glided through the air with my wings, my hooves dangling under me. They slid through the surface of the water, and rainbow-tinted droplets splashed around me in an arc.

Flying was easy. If I wanted to go somewhere, I simply thought to move in that direction, and so my body complied. I could see myself, a majestic pegasus with grand wings and a baby blue coat. Not a little pony, but a full grown horse. But I had a saddle, and upon it sat human me. Except human me was a young girl, blond locks flapping in the air behind us, and upon her face a beaming smile. I was free. For the first time, I was free.

From cloud to cloud we hopped. Dashing into a blanket of white fluff became a wild leap into a waterfall of colors, and then a race through a tangle of tree canopy. And ponies were there, except they were the size of little fairies. They smiled at me. One looked like Fluttershy, but her hair was wild like a fire. And then there was a stallion. He didn’t look anything like Robinwind, but I knew it was him anyway. He was wrapped in paper chains and looked terribly depressed with his human face.

“Let me go,” he said. I realized the paper chains led up to me. But I looked back up to Robin, and it wasn’t Robin anymore, but my face; the old male one of which I wanted nothing to do with.

“Go away!” I told the caricature. Scissors appeared and cut the chains away. The slips of paper all came undone and I was again awash in a world of color. Image, thought, and idea ceased to have any meaning. Tail. Hand. Or was it hoof? Both, together. I had hands, but they were missing all but my thumbs.

A pressure in my forehead. Pleasant. Warm.

Twirl, twirl, little ballerina. Spinning so fast I was getting dizzy. And that pinch on my forehead. Deeper, deeper; my tiara was too tight.

I was floating. My forehead was hot. And I was spinning. I had little blue hooves. Red light drifted in from the curtains. A mirror was floating, too, and a bunch of little pictures. I could feel them in my hands.

Wait. Memories came flooding back, and I realized I was awake. Wide awake.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow! Okay, it’s time to stop now!” I told my horn.

It didn’t listen, and the pain shot in and out. Was that my pulse? The tactile sensations around me came too fast, one after another, begging for attention. Now the pain was spreading around my head.

Notcoolnotcoolnotcool.

Inspiration suddenly struck me. Rarity had a problem like this once, and knew how to stop it almost immediately. I quickly brought my hoof to my mouth, licked it (which had an oddly sweet taste) and pressed it into my horn.

“OW!”

The horn was hot. Stovetop oven hot. My leg shot away and my entire body jerked in reaction. A sizzling sound came from the top of my head.

“Some-p-p-p-pony help!”

The sizzling turned to crackling, and then popping.

VOOM. A burst of turquoise fire shot in every direction. And then I fell onto the floor. “Ow, ow, OW!” And then everything else followed. One crash after another, the shattering of the mirror and a few glass trinkets. There went the dresser, splittering and snapping apart. And then the many bookshelves, planks of wood flying apart, while books poured onto the floor. There wasn’t much left of the bed curtains. Then the mattress, which bounced a few times before flipping towards me.

“Wah!” I felt like jello. I suddenly felt pressed into the floor, but it was as though I sank into it, too. Like the floor wouldn’t stop coming, until I was finally smashed between it and the mattress. My body felt out of place. My legs were supposed to be there, nor my shoulders here.

I wiggled my way forward until I could slide my head out. There was a quick POP as my head moved of its own accord. Then I realized what had happened. I was just pancaked. With some difficulty, I squeezed one leg out, and then the other. Both quickly inflated like balloons to their natural size.

“This is not how I wanted to spend my morning. Or, whatever.”

What remained of Twilight’s room was a complete disaster. And there was the terrible smell of something burning.

The door slammed open. “Is everything alright right, I heard–” Starlight’s eyes went wide.

I gave a weak giggle. “S-sorry?”

“What happened?” she asked. “And… is something burning?”

“I…don’t…know…” I say, struggling to wiggle my way out. “I…mean…about…the…burning–”

A cyan aura appeared over my hooves and I found myself yanked forward. The same sudden POP as my hindquarters reinflated. My left eye twitched and I found myself back on my own hooves.

“Lilyheart?” asked Starlight.

“I can’t control my magic!” I said too loudly. “This is the second magical surge I’ve had. This time it happened while I was asleep. I woke up and… I was floating. And it hurt!”

Starlight stepped into the room, her eyes still wide. A piece of glass crunched underneath her hoof. “Twilight is going to be so disappointed with me,” she said.

“I’m sorry!” I squeaked while crossing my forelegs. My eyes were getting wet. No, not again. The moment I tried to keep the tears in, they immediately began pouring, as if to spite me.

“You didn’t mean to. I’m the one Twilight left in charge of her castle!” Her tone immediately softened when she saw me, and I suddenly found myself embraced in a hug. Warm, fuzzy, soft… immediately my guilt was evaporating. “It’s not your fault. I should have realized something like this could have happened when you mentioned the magical surge before.”

“But you can’t blame yourself,” I said. Her purple mane pressed into my cheek. “Twilight isn’t the sort to get angry with you over a mistake.”

Starlight let go. “I guess you’re right, this was just an accident. I just don’t want to let her down.”

“Thank you,” I said, wiping my tears with a hoof.

But inside, I was still processing the shock from the kindness. I just destroyed her room, at least, Twilight’s room and… she wasn’t even angry? No sign of being annoyed with me. And the moment I showed any hurt, she was more concerned with my feelings than what I did. The tears came harder. Dang it. Will I ever go more than an hour without crying in Equestria?

“But, we’re going to have to do something about your magic,” said Starlight.

“Oh?”

The next few minutes were spent cleaning up what we could of Twilight’s old room. Starlight’s magic certainly made it quicker, and I was tempted to even step back and let her take care of all of it. But my desire to help overpowered that thought.

Focusing on the books, I had to pick each one up in my mouth and stacked them in a series of towers next to the door. I was careful to examine each cover before picking up each book. Some had various degrees of being burnt, and were warm against my lips. I made three towers, burnt, badly burnt, and pristine. But what really interested me was the covers. I couldn’t read most of the titles. Most had a series of straight lines assembled into various block patterns, vaguely similar to Korean. But a few featured what looked like a pony version of windings, a series of unicorn horns, pony heads, and hoof prints. But the rest, which seemed to be the most recent, had legible English titles. Ponish titles? Is Ponish English? Or have Robin and I been speaking a completely different language since being ponified?

Some of the legible books had titles that made me guffaw, like Macbronco, Little Fillies, Canter Bucket and the Cheese Factory, or The Griffon, the Witch, and the Teacup. I would have to make sure to read that last one later. Was the teacup the portal to another world? And what pony-punned author wrote it? CS Lewis… Colt Stallion… Leg? Legwis? No, there must be some other pony L word that works better.

But most titles seemed like the sort of books only a nerd connoisseur of the highest order would read: Botany of the Unicorn Mountains, Proper Utensil Etiquette, Canterlot Cantabile Volume XVI, Yowms and Other Forgotten Creatures, Medieval Hoofcare: A History, An Analysis of Griffon Talons… I mean, some of them seemed interesting, but the mere range of subjects and precision of the topics were amazing. And Twilight read most of them for fun? She wasn’t just intelligent, she was Equestria’s version of Newton or Franklin, dabbling her hooves in every subject she possibly could and absorbing all of it like a sponge. No wonder Celestia chose Twilight to replace her.

Meanwhile, Starlight just magically repaired broken furniture. She grimaced slightly while she returned the mattress to the bed before then removing the burnt curtains. If she had trouble lifting a mattress, how come I can do it by accident? To be fair, I was grimacing a lot, too.

“Mind stepping back a moment?” she asked me.

“Oh, uh, sure,” I chirped and quickly moved backwards. Little fizzy joy. I chirped!

Starlight gave a look of deep concentration and her cyan aura appeared over the various glass shards, and the mirror quickly reformed together, and the little pictures reattached to it. It was like watching a video in reverse.

“Heeeeeeeeee!” I whinnied, rocking back and forth on my hooves. Am I prancing?

“Heh. I don’t think I’ve anypony so excited to see magic before. Except maybe for foals,” said Starlight. “Not that–”

“No offense taken,” I cut in. “From a world with no magic, remember? Seeing that–” I pointed a hoof at the mirror. “I’ll be able to do that someday?”

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe? Obviously you can do magic, but not every unicorn can mend, at least not without a lot of practice. It also depends on your special talent. What is the meaning behind your cutie mark?”

I turned to the side, so Starlight could see my flank, and looked over to it as well. Lilyheart.

“Well… the big lily represents somep-p-p-pony I respect a lot. And the little lily is me,” I pointed with my hoof. “And the little bud is for… the ponies who come after. Together, the lilies represent my desire to be like… the pony I respect. And the bud represents my hope to inspire ponies after me just like she did me.” Little tears. No, we’re not doing that right now. “And the heart is because I’ve always valued compassion and love…” I fell silent, not sure what to describe more than that. Was this even a real cutie mark? It’s not like I ever earned it. “Sorry if that’s vague…”

“That’s a remarkable special talent!” Starlight answered with excitement in her eyes.

“It is?”

“Of course! Although… since that means you’re not specifically talented in magic, higher level spells might not be for you.”

“Oh,” I answered.

“I mean, you can still learn high level magic if you want to, but it will probably be more work for you.”

“I was kind of hoping all these magic bursts were a sign of me having a high magic potential, or whatever,” I said.

“Actually, the magical bursts I’ve seen from you so far aren’t much different than the ones newborn unicorn foals have when they’re cranky. Just, mare sized. Your body is probably still getting used to having magic.”

“Oh,” I said. “Wait, you’re saying I’m basically having magical temper tantrums?”

“Well… yeah, basically,” she answered with a smile.

“Sorry.”

Starlight giggled. “It’s not your fault. It’s not like you can control your magic. But with some help, we ought to be able to get you up to shape in no time. I’ve already been helping Sunset learn how to control her magic. I can teach you two together.”

“I would love that!” Learning from one of the most powerful unicorns in terms of both raw energy and knowledge, plus as my second favorite pony as a peer? Yes, please! “So, Sunset also had giant magic surges when she first came to Equestria?”

“Nope, she was already figuring out the basics on day one,” Starlight answered cheerfully.

Great. “Thank you for the offer, Starlight. I really look forward to it. But, what about the books?”

“Oh, right.”

Starlight wasted no time taking from the pristine and lightly burnt piles, but when she saw the thoroughly burnt ones, she grimaced. “We’ll probably just have to throw these out.”

“You can’t put them back together, like with the mirror?” I asked.

“I don’t have anything to put back together. These books are part ash and smoke now. And reversing magical burns isn’t easy. It’s the same with the curtains.” She pulled the neatly folded, but charred curtains over to show me.

“I’m so sorry,” I squeaked. Here’s the part where my apologizing gets annoying. “But, the books! Twilight loves them!”

Starlight scrutinized some of the particularly burnt books. “Honestly, now that Twilight is in charge of Equestria, the chances she’ll ever notice these missing books are really slim. Plus, she has copies of most of them.”

Of course she does.

An odd rustling and banging interrupted our conversion. I looked out into the hallway to see Robin’s doorknob jingling, but the door remained closed. Starlight and I both stared uncertainly at the door.

“I don’t suppose your brother is trying to get out?”

“Oh, yeah.” I hopped over to the door. It was obvious now he was on the other side, desperately trying to use his hooves to get it open. I gently moved my head over, bit my teeth onto the knob, and twisted my head ninety degrees. But before I could pull, Robin’s weight slammed it open, taking me along with it.

“Wah!” Darkness. Pressure. Pressure from all sides. Body… discombobulated.

“Thank you for opening the door, Starlight,” said Robin. “Where’s Lilyheart? I thought I heard… her talking.

A moment of silence.

“I don’t understand,” said Robin.

Help. Please. Try as I might, my body was stuck in place.

“She’s behind the door!” Starlight’s voice rang loud and clear.

“How can she be behind the door?” asked Robin.

Pony physics, that’s how, Robin! Stop asking questions and open it! I mean, close it! Whatever! Roooobin! If I couldn’t whine vocally, I might as well do it internally.

“Just open it!” said Starlight.

Suddenly, the pressure was relieved, light returned to my senses, and the feeling of being an inflated balloon returned again as I crashed on the floor. It was a bit like cracking your knuckles, only weirder and all at once, all over the body, and rather than pleasant, incredibly uncomfortable. I hiccuped.

“Second time I’ve been pancaked since waking up. Not a good feeling.” My voice was raspy.

“I am so sorry!” cried Robin. “Are you okay? How did…”

“I’m fine,” I hiccuped. “Just a little disoriented.” Hiccup.

Author's Note

Special thanks to spectacular editors Ashel and Rainy!

Chapter Eighteen: Robin Vs. Food: Round Two
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Eighteen: Robin Vs. Food: Round Two

🥜

The blue mare before me hiccuped and looked a little dazed. Her mane was a little disheveled and a few strands of her mane were astray.

“Well, I hope you two are well rested,” Starlight said with a little giggle.

“Yes. I’m still tired, but I won’t be able to sleep until later anyway,” I said before turning to Lilyheart. “Are you ready to go see Fluttershy?”

Her eyes immediately brightened a little. So predictable.

“It’s kind of a little late to do that. It would be dark by the time you got there, and you don’t want to be anywhere near the Everfree Forest at night,” Starlight cut in.

“Really?” I coughed. I looked over to the nearest window and trotted to it. The orange light of dusk came shining through. Outside, the world was tinted with the reddish color, painting the trees and grassy blades various shades of yellow and brown. The thatched pony houses seemed like pale yellow cubes. Artistically, there was something beautiful about the picture before me. The perspective, the way how the light shone and the angles of the shadows. I could make out a few ponies, like little colorful beetles going about their work.

Hiccup. “I guess we’ll go tomorrow?” asked Lilyheart.

“Sure…” I grumbled. No grumbling. Be happy. It’s just one more night. One more night of being–I looked down at… my hooves–a pony. One more night of being a pony.

Then they're yours!

Pete? Uncle Pete? Why was he a dragon? Of course, God could do anything He wanted. But why was my uncle a dragon, and I a pony?!

“Do you two know the way from here?” Starlight asked.

“Well,” began Lilyheart. “I think we can figure it out. We can ask for help from anypony on the way, and we know the basic layout. I mean, it’s as simple as staying on-hiccup-that side of town, walking along the edge of the forest until we get to the road. Or, I guess we can just take the pathway that-hiccup-leads away from the town towards the forest, can’t we?” There was something about how she pointed her hoof…

“Uh, Lilyheart, the Everfree Forest is the other way,” said Starlight.

“Huh? Wait-hiccup-how? But I…what?” Lilyheart stuttered.

“We’ll need help getting there, please,” I said.

“But…”

“No problem,” said Starlight with a smile. “Sunset didn’t get a chance to go to the Apple Farm, so she can lead you there in the morning.”

“I…”

“Thank you, Starlight,” I said. “Do you mind if we stay the night one more night? If that’s not too much trouble? If there’s any work around the castle we can do, I’d be happy to help.”

Hiccup.

“What? Oh, don’t worry about it,” said Starlight while waving a hoof nonchalantly. “I’m happy to help. You don’t have to do anything.”

“Thank you,” I said.

Lilyheart was now hopping like Pinkie Pie.

“Do you need something?” I asked.

She continued to jump quietly for five hops before a hiccup overcame her and apparently interrupted her flow. “I was… I’m hungry,” she answered with a shy smile.

“Already?” I asked.

“Well, it is just about dinner time. Plus, magic surges like that can certainly use a lot of energy. Makes a unicorn hungry,” explained Starlight.

“But that was before,” I said, confused. “Unless…”

Lilyheart looked at me with a subtle, but embarrassed smile.

***

I struggled my way into a chair around the cutie mark table. Stupid walking on all fours. I did not like my face protruding forward and being my first line of defense from approaching objects.

“Wait! Sit in Applejack’s chair!” Lilyheart suddenly cried.

“Why?” I said with a frown. I already had my forelegs on the chair.

“Because it’s Applejack!” Lilyheart insisted. “You-hiccup-love Applejack!”

An image of the orange mare popped into my mind. Smiling… at me, with a straw of hay sticking out of her mouth. She’d then open her mouth and say something simultaneously practical and ironic.

It made me feel sick. I shuttered. AJ is the last pony I want to see. On a screen, cartoon ponies were great. But real cartoon ponies? Real Applejack? No thank you. I lifted my body up with my forelegs and leapt with my hind ones, shooting successfully into the chair. It actually felt… okay, to have the soles of my hooves land solidly on the surface of the chair. One shift around… and sit. I hadn’t even looked at the cutie mark on the chair.

But when I looked over to Lilyheart, I immediately took note of the three pink butterflies above her head. Of course. Oh no, did I just roll my eyes? Lilyheart’s expression was now… smug. Almost catlike.

“I appreciate Applejack. That’s true,” I said. “But I don’t need to sit in her chair. I don’t care whose chair I sit in so long as I’m not taking somepony’s spot.”

“Hey, you just said it without-hiccup-stuttering!” Lilyheart cheered.

“Said what?”

“Somep-p-p-p-pony!” she said in singsong.

“Ugh. Thanks for telling me.”

“You’re wel-hiccup-come!” Lilyheart answered with a smile.

Every hiccup feels like an intentional insult. And you have never been so loud. Or so cheery. Can you please be depressed and non-talkative again?

Guilt immediately gripped my heart. How could I think that? God forgive me. How could I think that?

Sunset walked in with an absolutely exhausted look on her face. She took a seat next to Lilyheart and groaned before plopping her head onto the table.

Lilyheart and I exchanged looks.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Hiccup.

“Rarity has me stitching dresses for Smolder. But she’s so… difficult to figure out how to please. It can’t be cute, it can’t be cool. Not too flashy, not too bland… ugh!” Sunset lifted her head, dropped it back on the table, and lifted it again. “Don’t get me wrong. I like Smolder and I’m happy to learn from Rarity. But, it’s just been exhausting.” Head back on table. And up. “Oh, Smolder’s a student at the School of Friendship.”

Who?

“We know,” said Lilyheart.

“What? I don’t!” I exclaimed. “Oh. Is she from season nine or something?”

“Recurring character from season eight on,” explained Lilyheart. “Best dragon! Well, maybe besides Cassie.”

“Who’s Cassie?” asked Sunset.

“I hope you don’t let Spike hear that,” called Starlight’s voice as she entered. “Or any dragon for that matter. It’s a little odd to say one particular dragon is best.” My eyes drifted to the plates of food Starlight was “carrying.” It looked like fries. Until she placed them on the table.

Hay. She just put five plates of straw on the table. Yellow, prickly, straw. And one was in front of me. Little cups of some unknown kinds of sauces followed.

“Fresh cut hay!” cheered Starlight. “I wasn’t sure what sort of dressing everypony wanted, so I tried to cover the basics. There’s honey, hot honey, carrot, and of course apple! And this time I have straws for drinks.”

“Isn’t that straw?” I asked. It’s clearly straw.

Starlight looked at me inquisitively for a moment, before answering. “No. Straw is prepared differently so it can be used in building material. This? This is freshly cut hay, perfect for eating.”

If it’s freshly cut, why is it yellow? “What’s mixed in the sauces?” I asked. Their consistency was thicker than it ought to be, more like ketchup or barbecue sauce.

Hiccup.

“Well, I bought those from the store,” Starlight answered. “But probably eggs, water, and alfalfa.”

I resisted the urge to facehoof. Looking at the pile of straw in front of me, my stomach felt nauseous.

“I had a hard time adjusting to the food, too,” said Sunset. “But, it’s actually pretty good.”

“Oh, I forgot about that,” said Starlight. “Sorry if I surprised you with this. I guess not a lot of creatures eat hay besides ponies. Yona and Silverstream don’t seem to mind it, but Smolder won’t touch it.”

My gaze drifted to Lilyheart. She gave me a shrug and took a nibble of the straw.

Am I going insane? You’re the pickiest eater I know and you’re going to eat straw just like that?! This isn’t normal!

But to my surprise, Lilyheart’s eyes went wide. “Woah,” she said. “Ro–Brother, it’s good. Like, really, really good.” She took another bite, this slurping up a few pieces as if like spaghetti. She chewed, and for the first time I noticed that when she chewed, her cheeks bulged out, just like they did on the show. Of course they did. Lilyheart swallowed, and her expression became joyous. “It's like… savory. But still sweet and even just a bit of sourness to it! And the texture, it’s like it has this satisfying crunch but it’s still all chewy! Oishii!” I had no idea what the last word was, but Lily had stars in her eyes.

No. This is too much. I don’t care how happy you are. I’m losing you. This world is affecting us! My lips pursed together. The hooves before me were shaking. I wasn’t certain if I was going to cry, scream, or vomit.

“Oh, ponyfeathers!” Lilyheart said suddenly. She clasped her hooves together, closed her eyes, and lowered her head. I watched as her lips silently moved, and traced each word with my eyes. Each word that I knew by heart.

I hadn’t realized the world was spinning before, but now it seemed to still. Suddenly, I had solid ground. Suddenly, my terror was laid to rest.

Lilyheart then rose her right hoof, bringing it to her forehead. Her eyes opened slightly, in surprise at making contact with her horn, then she brought the hoof now to her belly, and then to one shoulder before the other.

“Lilyheart, what are you doing?” asked Sunset.

No religion in Equestria Girls world, either?

“Oh, just praying. I try to always do it before I eat. I mean, it’s good to thank you for the food, but it’s also good to thank… our Creator, too. Or omniscient and omnipotent Great Spirit, if you prefer. Honestly, I’m missing a lot of other omnis. But, normally we just call Him God.”

“Huh. Okay. We don’t really worship divinities much in Equestria anymore. But, we do embrace the magic of harmony, so I guess that’s a bit like the same thing,” Starlight said while taking a bite of straw.

“The rules here work differ-hiccup-differently,” said Lilyheart. “M-R… my brother and I used to talk about that. In some ways they’re the same. We don’t have anything like windingos appearing if we start fighting and arguing all the time… but our culture and societies break up anyway if we do that. It’s weird how similar it is.”

There were so many things I wanted to add to the conversation. To start with asking why Lilyheart had to complicate things by not just saying she was praying to God instead of going on a theological ramble. But, instead, I took another look at the plate of straw before me. I closed my eyes and prayed.

Bless us, oh Lord, for these gifts which we are about to receive from Your goodness through Jesus Our Lord. And may the souls of the faithfully departed rest in eternal peace.

I followed this by crossing myself, and reached down to take a small bite. It was dry. Crisp. But the moment my teeth broke a straw in half, an explosion of flavor hit my tongue. Steak. It reminded me of steak. But not quite. There was that twinge of sourness Lilyheart mentioned, but somehow it was sweet at the same time.

“It’s… good,” I said once I had swallowed. “Although, it’s really dry.” I quickly took a slip of water.

“That’s one reason ponies normally eat them with a little bit of sauce,” explained Starlight. “Just not too much or you drown out the hay flavor.”

Is this what hay tastes like for horses on our world? “May I have some apple with this then?” I asked.

“Ooh, and some honey for me, please!” said Lilyheart. “Actually, maybe a little bit of the hot honey. Just to try it.”

“Since when do you like spicy things?” I asked.

“I don’t,” she answered. “But, if it’s really, really mild it might be really good with this. Like, barbecue sauce?”

Turns out, it was much too spicy for her, and Lilyheart stuck with the regular honey. We spent the rest of the evening talking about various events that had transpired since Twilight’s coronation.

“The School of Friendship has grown pretty quickly,” explained Starlight. “We have a few more hippogriffs and changelings. And even our first buffalo and kirin. Plus, our first human.” She winked towards Sunset with the last statement.

“Not really anymore,” Sunset chided back, waving her hooves.

“But you’re still a bit of a celebrity among the other students. And you have a perspective that no other creature does. We’d be more than happy to have you two join also, if you end up sticking around, that is. I know it can be scary, but I promise you’ll fit right in. There’s room for every creature in the School of Friendship.”

“Thank you,” I answered. “But, I’ve had my fill of school for a while.”

“Plus, no offense, but I’m not sure how much we can learn,” Lilyheart added. “I mean, we know almost every friendship lesson Twilight and her friends ever considered significant enough to report to Celestia or teach to other ponies.”

“That’s okay,” said Starlight. “Although, just remember that there’s always more to learn about friendship. Twilight would be the first to admit it.”

“How have things gone, with Twilight in charge?” I asked.

“It’s been great! Well, I mean, she’s still getting the hang of things. But most ponies understand that,” answered Starlight

“Weren’t you just saying there was another gaffe?” asked Sunset.

“Oh, that. Well that wasn’t her fault! Or Spike’s! They didn’t know the audience could hear…”

“What happened?” I asked.

Sunset giggled. “Spike scandalized a crowd of Canterlot elites.”

“Somepony asked her…” Starlight made finger quotes. Hoof quotes? “ ‘Will the sun continue to have apricity during winter?’ Then Twilight answered, ‘Of course! The sun will maintain its current quality of apricity as expected during the length of the brumal period.’ ”

“And then Spike muttered ‘Whatever in apricity means,’ ” continued Sunset with a giggle.

“All in front of the Canterlot Society of Astronomic Records and Investigations,” finished Starlight.

“I don’t get it,” I said, to which Sunset and Lilyheart both exploded into a fit of giggles.

“To us,” explained Starlight, eyeing the two other unicorns, “It might not be a big deal, but to those Canterlot types, Spike might as well have just asked why it even mattered if the sun came up at all.”

“They’re just real sticklers,” cut in Sunset. “They aren’t really worth worrying about. They’ll get wound up about anything.”

“But imagine how it feels to be Twilight, or even Spike! That society was founded by Starswirl the Bearded. It still holds a lot of respect with ponies. And particularly unicorns.”

While the conversation continued, I noticed Lilyheart fell quiet. Her brows furrowed in thought. It was remarkable how, even though her face looked nothing like Andrew, I could still see a sliver of his personality in Lilyheart’s expression.

It was only after the meal was done, and both Starlight and Sunset stepped away to take care of the dishes that I risked speaking up.

“Lilyheart,” I forced out the syllables. “What is it? You’re thinking about something.”

Her eyes widened a moment in surprise before she stumbled through an answer. “I… well, I was just thinking… Equestria follows its own rules, doesn’t it? Like, physics itself is different here. We used to talk about how different morals can come out of the show… ones that even the show didn’t mean to teach. Lessons and truths which ran deeper. Something universally h-h–h-h-horse. Ugh. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Is that all?”

“If we’re under Equestrian rules… I wonder if that means… well, just that: are we under Equestrian rules, now? How does that affect us? Obviously we can do all these cartoon things. But, what about psychologically and spiritually?”

“You think being here changed our souls?” Normally, that wasn’t something I would bother considering. But, right now I was a horse talking to another horse.

“I wouldn’t say that. More like… we have to follow the rules if y–we want to go home.”

“I don’t follow.”

“We might have to learn a friendship lesson. Or something,” said Lilyheart. “I don’t know. It’s hard to wrap my brain around. But, it’s just that, my gut tells me something deeper is at play here. Something more than just cartoons, sugar, and spice.”

“Chemical X?” I asked.

Lilyheart giggled. “I forgot you watched that.”

“It wasn’t me. My brother was the one who liked it!”

Before she could respond, Starlight re-entered the room with a scroll.

“Lilyheart!” she said, “I have a spell that I think you’ll be happy to hear about. It’s a magical dampening spell. It should prevent any more magical surges. And it will wear off after a few hours, but will still be enough to keep you safe through the night. And Twilight’s books.”

I bid the unicorns goodnight and headed to bed before the others. If I didn’t fall asleep now, I likely wouldn’t for half the night. But Lilyheart’s words stuck with me. It was Andrew. That was the Andrew I knew. Thoughtful and cautious, meditating on concepts that never would have occurred to me otherwise. Maybe he was right; everything was fine, and he would be fine. Maybe I was never in danger of losing him after all.

Author's Note

There is so much I can talk about for this chapter. First of all, writing so much about food led to a lot of research as to what ponies eat, both on the show and in real life. This led in turn to the realization that on the show, ponies almost exclusively eat cupcakes. Sure, there’s other stuff, like hay burgers and carrot dogs, but about 90% percent of the pony’s diet consists of sugary sweets… which somehow is too unrealistic for me. I’m fine with ponies being pancaked or twisting their heads 360 degrees and still being fine, but I draw the line at them eating cupcakes for dinner.

Additionally I learned that apparently when real horses choke on food, they can still breathe. No such protection for the cartoon variety.

Secondly, I have to draw a comparison between Robin’s reaction to hay and HB's from JetBlack1980’s My Little Heartbreak. Previously, I thought that HB ought to sort of get over it; if it tastes sweet, why have an issue? But, once I finally introduced my characters to hay, it occurred to me that I had severely underestimated the psychological effect eating something like hay could have if you already have a complex about being an equine. Robin was lucky enough to have a crutch to help him accept it in this instance.

Rather than continue rambling about random facts I learned about equine diet (like the difference between straw and hay) I’ll cut to the chase and give thanks to my wonderful editors, Ashel and Rainy!

Chapter Nineteen: Who Doesn't Love Musical Theater?
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Nineteen: Who Doesn't Love Musical Theater?

🎂

Once, I sang in my dreams. It was a particularly happy time in my life, and I guess that can happen when you’re really happy. But never, not in a million years, did I think I would one day wake up with the urge to sing.

That’s exactly what I found myself doing once my eyes opened.

Remember those walls I built,

Spendin’ every day wonderin’ why,

Soft piano notes echoed through the room. Where was that coming from? But why should I worry? Why should I care?

I flung myself from out of the covers, landing triumphantly on four hooves. I looked into the mirror to admire my reflection, but patted my frizzy mane in dismay. All the while, I continued to sing, and my musical accompaniment followed.

…I had to be stuck inside a shell?

Well it’s time to say goodbyyyyye!

I waved at the reflection and sprung out the door.

‘Cause this pony’s burstin’ out,

Breakin’ past all the clouds.

It’s time to hear me shout,

I ain’t never gonna be alone!

Around the halls I pranced in my song. Ponies might hear, but who cares? This voice is meant to sing! The piano notes faded, replaced with a mighty orchestra of instruments. Was I being led, or was I the lead? What determines the roles we play in this grand stage of which we call life? If your Lead takes you right, are you going to twirl left? Only if you want to step on his hooves.

Unicorn in the pantry!

Pegasi out the window!

I’m happy now I’m a pony!

Friendship is my saving grace!

I popped into the kitchen and gestured to Sunset, who seemed to be having trouble finding something to eat. She looked at me quizzically, but I slid back before she could say anything. And then I was in a hallway before a window, hollering and waving at a pair of pegasi outside. On the table, more prancing, and now dancing. I wasn’t entirely sure how I was moving from one place to another so quickly… I just went with the flow. And it felt natural. Normal.

Robin’s bedroom door opened and he slowly slid out, clearly tired and unamused. He opened his mouth, and quietly echoed:

I'm trottin' in a nightmare

While I wrapped my foreleg over his shoulder and sang back:

This is everything I need and more!

To which Robin lowly replied:

Why are we singing?

We were now back in the cutie map room. I was smiling. I was smiling so much. Sunset and Glimmer entered the room with plates of cupcakes and equal smilies on their faces. I continued:

In my heart like a drum and bass

I’m happy now I’m a pony!

While I spun in a circle on the table, Robin was left on AJ’s chair, and looked like he was struggling to stop from hacking up a furball. And failing.

I'm trottin’ in a nightmare!

Ugh! Ugh! And I don't feel good!

But I couldn’t be bothered with that. I had a chorus to sing. Sunset and Starlight echoed me.

Yeah, now I’m a pony (Pony, Pony!)

Yeah, now I’m a pony (Pony, Po-o-o-ony!)

What do you call the thing where actors in a musical lift up their hooves towards the new singer the audience is meant to focus on? Whatever that is, we three unicorns did so to Robin, who was now on the table himself. His struggle continued. And still failed. We echoed for him, and the instruments shifted to the bridge:

Yeah, now I’m a pony! (Pony!)

I'm trottin’ in a nightmare, woah

And I don't feel good!

I was happy with who I was before

It all made sense

One plus one equaled two

Now I have a tail and hooves!

And—Gah! Now,

I'm trottin’ in a nightmare, (Woah!)

I'm trottin’ in a nightmare, nooooo!

I'm trottin’ in a nightmare, (Woah oh oh!)

And I don't feel good!

A bunch of earth ponies in yellow dresses entered the room and began dancing around the Cutie Mark Map. Robin trotted over a globe, tripped, and fell through the black but starry void of space. He landed in a classroom, right before a chalkboard. Sunset, Starlight, and I found ourselves seated at the desks. Besides the obvious equation on the board, little pony and human stick figures were present. Wait, Cheerilee? She had an apple and was looking quite pleased with Robin– she pulled down a screen over the board that featured basic pony anatomy. Robin gestured with his hooves and then shook his tail. His face scrunched up in frustration, and he tried to pull down the screen. Instead, it shot back up. He went with it, as did our entire world.

We were back in the Cutie Mark Map room; the ponies in yellow dancing around us again. Robin continued to his chorus, his resistance defeated. Little tears fell from his eyes. I could see his thoughts like blurry silhouettes, and just for a moment. Human figures. A life. A job. His family.

Maybe this had gone too far–

I joined Robin at the center of the table. We stood on our hindlegs, and his front left hoof was at my side, while my right hoof rested on his shoulders. Our remaining hooves clasped together; which I wasn’t certain as to how since I certainly hadn’t learned how to grasp things with my hooves yet. Forced into such an intimate and feminine position momentarily caused me to blush, but the enthusiasm of the room overwhelmed any embarrassment. Besides, I could trust Robin.

With unabashed joy, I belted out the chorus, while Robin continued muttering the echo.

Yeah, now I’m a pony (Hay!) Pony! (Pony!) Pony! (Are we done?)

Yeah, now I’m a pony (Yet?) Pony! Pony! (Please?)

Yeah, now I’m a pony (Hay!) Pony! Pony! (Pon-n-n-noo!)

Yeah, now I’m a pony (Hay!) Pony! Pony! (Po-o-o-ny! Dang it!)

Yeah, now I’m a pony! Pony!

He twirled me, and I found myself spinning toward the front door of the Castle of Friendship.

Yeah, now I’m a pony!

Poooooooooooooooony!

With the closing note of the song, I opened the door, beaming. I was dizzy. I was exuberant. I wanted to keep singing, to keep dancing. I was tired. But I never wanted it to stop. Nothing in the world could stop me. I was never going to feel sad again. Joy had washed me from the inside out and cleaned my very being.

But I was still on my hind legs, and my attempt to walk forward resulted in a crash to the ground.

“Wah!”

A tangle from my unbrushed mane got caught on the door knob. Besides stinging horribly, it also resulted in the door slamming closed behind me. I was now outside. Everything stopped. No more music. No more spontaneous dancing ponies. I was left alone in silence to the outside world.

Except for that green unicorn with the striped mane who seemed to be lecturing a foal. Except for the blue earth pony admiring a rubber duck on her hoof that matched her cutie mark. Except for the two pegasi hovering a few yards away around a cloud. And they were all staring at me. Along with so many others.

I gave a clumsy wave before struggling to untangle myself from the door. The pegasi were the same ones I had just waved to earlier. They glanced at each other in puzzlement as I thrashed at the door.

I’m bothering them.

“Do you need help, Miss?” asked the curly orange-maned one. An English accent? Trottingham accent?

“No thank you, I’m fine.” My voice cracked. I need to get out of here. Stop watching me. I struggled uselessly at the door with my hooves. Trapped. My scalp hurt from my hair being pulled. I’m bothering them.

Stop. Calm down. Breathe. Why was this happening? Trapped. Breathe. I can’t get free. This hadn’t happened since being a pony. Escape. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Stop watching me. They don’t like me. Breathe. I can’t get free.

Lies. I’m never going to be free. The fear is a lie. No one likes me really. The fear is a lie. Not once they know me. Breathe.

“You look like you could use help, Miss,” said the British pony.

“She doesn’t want help, Sunrise,” said the other one.

I do need help. I’ll never do anything by myself.

“Are you sure?” asked the English one, hovering a little closer.

No. Stay away! I want to scream. What’s wrong with me? Why am I bothering everyone?

The fear is a lie.

The door suddenly shot open, and I was pulled by the roots of my mane back inside. And somehow, my mane was free.

“An-n-Lilyheart?” asked Robin.

My heart. It was visibly beating against the wall of my barrel. A sickening vibration that only made everything worse.

“Lilyheart, what’s wrong?” Robin asked.

“I–I…I want to go to my room!”

And with that, I charged away from Robin. From the door. From the pegasi. From the world. I slammed the bedroom door shut with my head. My horn bumped it awkwardly. No. No, no, no, no. Now I’ve bothered Starlight and Sunset. Right after destroying the room. And Robin won’t like the noise and he’ll be annoyed. I’m stupid. So stupid!

After a quick leap onto the bed, I quickly dove under the covers. Quiet. Dark. Safe. Fear. So stupid! Just breathe.

I need to hold something. My Fluttershy plushie. I’d been holding her when we opened that comic. What happened to her? I’ll never see her again. The fear is a lie. I struggled about and quickly clutched a pillow to my barrel. Breathe.

Sounds. My breath. The subtle rustle of fabric whenever I moved. I need rain sounds. Or ASMR. The shock of more loss struck me. No headphones. No laptop. No internet. No cat. No plushies. No family. I’ve lost everything. And I was so happy to be a girl I was oblivious to it. No wonder Robin was so distressed being here.

And was losing everything really worth being a girl?

I must be so selfish to not even think of my family. This fear. This… pathetic inadequacy. This wasn’t supposed to stick around once I was a girl. Nothing’s changed. Nothing’s changed!

Big Sister, help me. Please. I’m scared.

I clutched the pillow tighter. Breathe.

Nothing’s changed.

Five minutes. Maybe fifteen. Maybe an hour. Time tends to lose meaning like this, lost in thoughts, alone. A secret, hidden war between Lilyheart and fear. Fear that has no cause. Fear that has no reason. Fear just for fear's sake.

A knock at the door. Quiet.

I didn’t answer. So pathetic.

If I ignore it, it will go away. Safe. Hidden. Darkness.

The knock came again. “Lily?” it asked. He asked.

I opened my mouth. I can make sounds. But only quiet ones.

“Lilyheart, can I come in?”

I slowly struggled my head from out of the covers. The fabric got caught in my horn, but I soon saw the morning light of Twilight’s windows.

“Y–yes,” I croaked. Would it be loud enough?

The door began jingling. Poor Robin. I want to help. But I can’t. I never can.

But quickly enough the door swiveled open, revealing a concerned Robin. He slid into the room and gently pushed the door so it was open just a crack.

What an odd sight I must be; a little pony with her blue head sticking out from a lump on a bed. Like a turtle, I receded back into my silk shell.

“Are you okay?”

I tried opening my mouth. I tried shaking my head.

He must be so tired of me.

No. This is Robin. Matt. Even if he gets tired, he always regains patience.

“…Lily?”

I opened a hole in my shell. “–Anxiety,” I spat out.

“Why? What are you afraid of?”

“Nothing,” I answered. “I’m just afraid.”

Hoofsteps. He came closer.

“Can you come out? Please?”

“I don’t want to,” I answered. It’s not safe out there.

“I want to see you.”

I burrowed my head out towards the light. There was Robin. Concerned. He looked so concerned. But he could be so gentle when he wanted to. As gentle as holding a robin.

He scooted closer and sat. “I don’t understand. You were happy. You were… singing.”

“It never makes sense. It just happens. One minute I’m fine, and then the next…” I squeezed the pillow. “I’m sorry I’m so useless.”

Silence grew between us. Except for muffled little birdsong coming from outside.

“I don’t want to leave, R…Brother. I’d rather stay here.”

“Even to see Fluttershy?”

“No… I want to go see Fluttershy. I mean I don’t want to leave Equestria. I want to stay as a pony.”

Robin’s face fell. “I figured… but what about Leo?”

A flash of the orange cat popped into my head. Memories of playing with him. Memories of him sleeping on my pillow with me. Memories of chasing him around the house because he swiped at me when I wasn’t expecting it.

“Take care of him, please,” I replied in monotone.

“Lily!”

“Find somep-p-ony who will let him sleep on their bed with them at night. He needs somepony who will give him lots of affection and love.”

“I feel like you’re giving me your last will. Lily, you said I wouldn’t lose you. What about your family?”

Here come my tears. They had to come eventually, wouldn’t they? Fear, sorrow, and guilt all pouring out in the little droplets and streaming down my face.

“As hard as this is, even now, R-Brother… I can’t go back. It’s worse, there, Brother. At least here I can have hopes. Dreams. After this ends, I know I’ll be happy again; I have something to look forward to. But there? Brother… I gave up. I stopped believing I could accomplish anything. Because… I tried. I tried so hard… and it didn’t work. It didn’t work and nothing was ever right again! You can do everything right, and it doesn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry it’s so hard,” said Robin. “But, God still has plans for you. There’s still so many things you can do as a…”

Human. The unspoken word. The word that would never come from my lips again.

So selfish. I’m selfish and horrible. I miss my Fluttershy plush. The fear is a lie.

I slipped my head face down into the pillow and then pressed my hooves against the side of my head. Why was I so stupid? There was a long pause. All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing, a little pony heartbeat, and the racing of a hundred million thoughts about how stupid I was.

Robin began to pray. The Rosary. He was always a fan of the Rosary. I wasn’t. It was so much easier for me to pray my own prayers rather than rehearsed ones. Still, it worked for him.

He stopped suddenly. “When I don’t have a Rosary, I normally use my f-f-f-fetlocks.” He sighed. “I lost count of where I was.”

I said nothing.

“I’ll just start from the fifth. It was either that or the seventh…”

And so he did. I prayed with him, silently, adding my own little thoughts and opinions at random intervals. As I listened to Robin’s rhythmic voice repeating the same prayer, with the same steadfast passion upon each line, the fear and guilt slowly dissipated

A quiet knock on the door caused us both to jump.

“Hey. Um, Starlight wanted me to tell you that breakfast is getting cold,” Sunset said from outside, her voice tinted with uncertainty. “Mornings are always a little hectic for her… being headmare and all… But it’s toast! With jam! And cooked celery and carrots, too! I promise, it tastes better than it sounds! Pony taste buds and all. Or maybe carrots and celery are different here?”

“We need a minute!” Robin patiently called back.

“Take your time! I’ll be waiting downstairs,” she answered back.

Robin hastefully finished the decade. “Can I hug you?” he asked.

I nodded my head. Of course, he would have no idea what that meant with my head buried in the pillow. So I belted out a muffled “Yes!”

“It’s kind of hard when you’re tangled up in the blankets.”

Dang it, Robin. Stop being clever about getting me out of my silky shell of comfort!

But I complied anyway, sliding out from under the sheets to take a seat next to him. I could see our reflection in the mirror. My mane was such a mess. Everypony always thinks curls are so pretty. They never realize how much work it is. Why did I have Robin draw me with curls?

A gentle warmth suddenly consoled me. Robin’s forelegs wrapped around me and squeezed. Horse fur is strange being pressed against each other… not bad, not good… just different. As a human, as a man, I had skirted away from physical touch, even though I longed for it. But now, tightly squeezed, I felt better. I felt loved.

At least I would always have my brother to take care of me. To tolerate me. To put up with me.

Breathe. The fear was a lie.

Author's Note

Lot of cameos. The problem with cameos I realized only after I started putting them in is that... background ponies don't exactly work in written form like they do in the show. So, it's no where near as obvious as I'd wish; at least not until Lilyheart and Robin get to know some of these ponies by name.

In any case, our two pegasi are Ashel's Sunrise and Rainy's... Rainy Skies. The green unicorn is PandoraFox's Melody Daydream, along with Terra from her A Kinder World. Lastly, the rubber duck wielding pony is u/Iceswimmer05's Squeaky Clean.

The song used here is a parody of Glee's mash-up of Halo and Walking on Sunshine. I never actually watched Glee, but it seemed the best pick while looking for songs to use.

Lastly, as always very special thanks to my remarkable editors: Ashel, Rainy, and, joining the ranks, PandoraFox!

Chapter Twenty: Of Manes and Memories
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Twenty: Of Manes and Memories

🥜

I was playing a video game. Except I was also in the game. Andrew and I were playing Them Fightin Herds, but I looked over, and somehow I saw myself. Human, but with my charcoal horse head. Hooves clicked frantically against the controllers. I smiled at me. Uncanny. Inhuman. A monster.

“You have to push the start button,” said Lilydrew.

I tried.

Suddenly the horse monster had sharp teeth. Teeth that looked familiar. Teeth accompanied with needles, teeth accompanied by pain, and a terrifying qrrraaa…

“Your fault,” said the monster. “Failure. Loser. Disappointment.”

The TV was now a mirror. And in it, I was the monster.

My dad scooped the hay into the trough.

“Good Matthew, good horsie!” he cheered while I ate.

But then my dad was in the trough, and the trough wasn’t a trough. It was his coffin. Dark oak, the smell of incense, my brothers beside me, the weight of the casket on my shoulder, the sound of my mother crying, the feel of my heartbeat quickening.

Pictures of AJ’s parents were on the coffin. The casket fell. I’m the one at fault. Splinters of wood, and–

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, while still so young,” said a kind voice.

An explosion of light and pink hearts encased my vision. And now… I was in my childhood home. My bedroom. A bookshelf I remember, filled with Winnie the Pooh and Peanuts comics. My Nintendo Wii, and posters of saints.

A sharp gasp made me jump. I looked over and found myself looking almost eye to eye at a slender pink alicorn with an alarmed expression.

“Princess Cadance?” I asked.

“Y-yes. I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I thought I was entering the dream of a pony. I’m still getting used to dream magic, and sometimes make a mistake.”

“Pony?” I asked before looking down at myself. Me. I was me! “I’m me!”

Seeing my old body was something like meeting an old friend for the first time in two years. I wanted to hug myself, jump up and down and kiss my fingers all at once. I ended up trying just that and giggled at my own stupidness.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, God! I’m so happy!” But my joy was dampened by the confused pink horse next to me. “Why are you? Did you figure out a way to turn me back into a human? Human! I can say human! Matthew! I can say my name!”

“I’m sorry,” said Cadance. “But… this is a dream. Everything here is just in your head.”

“I’m not back to normal?” I asked with a gulp.

Cadance shook her head, and I dropped to my mattress.

“Are you saying that you’re supposed to be a… human?” Cadance asked.

I merely nodded.

“Someone turned you into a pony against your will?”

I shrugged.

Cadance inched a little closer. “My sister is a very powerful alicorn. She’ll probably have a way to help you.”

“Starlight has already written to Twilight.” I mumbled.

“You know Starlight Glimmer?”

I nodded.

“Then you also know that neither she or Twilight ever give up on trying to help a friend.” Cadance placed a wing on my shoulder. “All of us will help you.”

Her wing was gentle, and she barely put any pressure on it, but still the effort was comforting.

“This really is a dream?” I asked.

It was Cadance’s turn to nod.

“Then how come you’re here instea–”

I awoke with a start. Sweat all over my body, and the sheets practically a puddle. I cleared my throat and immediately began squirming my legs to get away from the wet sheets. I landed on all fours. Instinct. My instincts were already becoming horselike.

Wait, is that music? And someone’s singing? I went to open the door.

“I'm trottin' in a nightmare,” I immediately sang to Lilyheart, who was dancing in the hall.

She quickly wrapped her foreleg around me. “This is everything I need and more!” she sang back.

“Why are we singing?” I sang.

Suddenly we were in the Cutie Map room. How? Where’s the music coming from? Why are we singing!?

***

🥜

How can you have everything you want and still not be happy? But none of it is her fault. None of this is her fault.

“Don’t leave without me,” Lily mumbled. “To Fluttershy’s, I mean.”

“I won’t,” I said as I let her go. “Come down and get something to eat.”

She nodded demurely. Demurely. Was she always like that and I just never noticed?

“Do you need anything?” I asked.

He shook her head. “No… Just give me a minute, please?” She looked at her reflection, as though transfixed. Her cheeks were still wet and her mane was even messier than before. My heart panged at the sight of her. But I knew sometimes I needed to step back. You always push me back.

I avoided the mirror as I scooted away from her. The door gave me a momentary pause, but I managed to open it by sticking my muzzle into the space between it and the frame to push it open. Like a dog. Ugh. My tail flicked in annoyance at the thought, which only served to annoy me further. I gave Lilyheart one last look before walking away. Her teary face was still staring at the mirror.

Well, at least I’m a pony, rather than a dog. Wait, what made a pony better, anyway? Hooves? I guess they’re prettier. Ugh. These are not the sort of things I want to be thinking about. At least I’m not a dog? Really? That isn’t a comfort most humans tell themselves.

And I was a human. This body might be a pony… I might be a pony. But I am still a human. Somehow. My soul hasn’t changed. I’m certain. I think. I hope. God, have mercy on me.

I looked glumbly at the door before me and sighed. Here we go again.

Suddenly, there was a loud BANG and everything went dark. A pressure encased me. The last thing I saw before all my sight went away was the swivel of the door opening.

“Robin? Lily?” called Starlight.

The pressure suddenly relieved, just a little, and sight returned to me. But the vision didn’t make sense. I was looking up, but could still see the door as it slid to a close… to which Starlight came into view. Except, there were two Starlights? And they were upside down?

Imagine peeling your hands from a fly trap. Now, imagine pulling your entire body from a wall of sticky trap. This is what happened. Starting from the tip of my nose, I felt my body rolling backwards like a scroll. Panic shot through my heart. I’m being crushed! My sight vanished again. I couldn’t breathe. I felt bunched in a rolled up carpet.

And then, with a POP I was a horse again. I was just pancaked, wasn’t I?

“Sorry, Robin. Are you okay?” asked Glimmer.

I blinked. “Only if we never speak of this ever again.”

“O…kay…” said Glimmer. “I just wanted you to know there’s breakfast. I need to get to school. Sunset will take you to Fluttershy’s. She has today off.” A green bracelet on her hoof began glowing. “Aah! I’m late already! Good luck!”

A flash of mint light, and she was gone.

I hate Equestria.

Shaking myself off (like a dog! ugh!) I entered the Cutie Map room to find Sunset quietly munching on toast. She gave an energetic wave and swallowed before speaking. “Have as much as you like! Starlight had to leave already.”

“I saw,” I mumbled while taking a seat. I quickly checked to make sure it wasn’t Fluttershy’s before turning my attention to the food. “I suppose celery and jam go together here?” I sigh. “I’ll have toast with a bit of everything, please.”

“Sure!” Sunset happily complied.

Lilyheart’s one minute turned into something like ten before she finally poked her head quietly out from behind the corner. Her cheeks were dry, but her eyes still puffy.

“Lilyheart! I’m happy you came down! Starlight had to leave already, but there’s breakfast!” Sunset’s smile was accompanied by a squee.

Dang it. Squees were cute. But where was the sound coming from?! The throat? Or were they grinding their teeth? I shuddered at the thought.

“Actually, um…” Lily looked around the room before settling her sight towards the floor. “I was hoping you could, uh, maybe brush my hair, please? I can’t with my hooves…or horn…” She followed this with a squee. I facehoofed.

“Oh, of course!” Sunset leapt down from her chair.

***

🎂

If my mane looked nice, then at least that would make me feel better about stepping out the front door. But no one else cares, though, do they? I suppose they never cared before, when I was a human. My mom always made fun of me for the frizz. She never could understand why I wanted to grow it out. Even after I told her I wanted to be a girl.

I wanted it to be pretty, Mom.

Frizz, so much frizz. And no one in the family wanted to give me advice on how to handle it, and I was too shy to ask anyone else. So, I never got any help with my hair.

And Dad? ‘Keep his hair so short he’s almost bald,’ dad? 'Back in my day if we found out someone was gay in the Navy, we'd throw him over board in the middle of the night,' dad? Less help.

Will I never see them again? My mom will be so devastated. But I’m happy here. I… I can be happy.

And to do that, I need nice hair. At least that way I won’t be constantly thinking about what others are thinking about my appearance. Just another unicorn trotting through Ponyville on a sunny day. I looked at the blue mare in the mirror. Her face was still wet from the tears, her cheeks a little flushed, and the corner of her eyes puffy. My attention came to her sad turquoise eyes. I wanted to hug her. She was cute.

I’m cute.

The realization snapped the last traces of anxiety away, replacing it with joyful bubbles. But I’m supposed to be more than just my body, aren’t I? I am. But I’m in a body that’s cute. A body that fits who I am, and who I want to be, better.

Confidence surged through me. I don’t need to brush my mane! I can march outside if I want. Who cares what anypony thinks? I am who I am. Frizzy mane and all. Mistakes, anxiety, compassion, and joy, all together. And that’s all you’ll ever get.

But… it still would be nice to have a combed mane. I rustled through Twilight’s bathroom drawers, opening each one gingerly with my mouth. It was pretty easy, once I got the hang of it. Maybe horse teeth are harder than human ones? And craning my neck to each drawer was simple. My neck is so elastic! But my search came up empty.

Still, even if I did find a brush or comb, it’s not like I could use it.

“Not ready to practice with you, yet,” I told my horn.

That left only one option.

I pulled open the door without any difficulty. Oh, Robin, it really is easy, you just gotta embrace it. You’re a pony! It’s cool!

Making my way down to the Cutie Mark Map, I found Robin seated at Rainbow Dash’s spot and Sunset at Pinkie’s, but Glimmer nowhere to be seen. Oh… that means I’m going to have to ask her, doesn’t it? Anxiety bubbled through my barrel. Of course asking the character I liked more would be difficult.

“Lilyheart! I’m happy you came down! Starlight had to leave already, but there’s breakfast!” Sunset cheered before I could get a word out. Heck, I wasn’t even in the room yet.

Sunset gave me a bright smile accompanied by a squee.

Wait, Sunset can squee?! Of course she can. But, the cool pony squeeing?! It made me want to squee.

“Actually, um… I was hoping you could, uh, maybe brush my hair, please? I can’t with my hooves…or horn…” I squeed. I squeed?!

No, no, you. Keep quiet, little heart. You need help. So much help.

“Oh, of course!” Sunset practically leapt from her chair.

Her optimism batted away the anxiety.

“Thank you!”

I gave Robin a smile before following Sunset out of the room.

“Oh, you don’t have a brush, do you?” asked Sunset. “That’s okay, you can borrow mine.”

I can borrow Sunset’s brush?! Yes, please! Wait. But…

“If we… you… a brush won’t work,” I said. No, I mumbled. Darn it, speak up, girl. “It has to be a comb.”

“Really?” asked Sunset, giving me a look with one eyebrow slightly raised.

“Curly hair,” I said. “And we’ll have to get it wet, first. I know, it sounds weird, but it’s the only way to make it look nice. Otherwise, you’ll just be making my mane frizzier. Thank you, though. For your brush. To offer it, I mean.”

“Well, I think I have a comb, too. I’m not sure if I managed to bring it with my stuff, though,” said Sunset. And as she finished the line, there was a tinge of sorrow.

You had to leave some stuff behind, didn’t you? My heart was pricked. I had to say something. But what? How can I make her feel better without hurting her more? The gears in my mind spun. Father, help me. Big Sister, help me, please. I took a breath.

“I…I’m sorry. That must have been hard. You… had p-p-p-ponies you cared about back home, didn’t you?”

Sunset stopped in her tracks. My heart beat. Great. Remember how she reacted last time? Andrew, you idiot!

That’s not my name!

“Thank you,” said Sunset. “I.. did. People I cared about. And… people who forgave me, but I never got a chance to make it up to them. And now, I never will.”

I inched closer to her, so I could look her in the eye. Which was kind of weird, because our bodies were longer instead of taller, so we kind of stood side by side with our necks slightly twisted towards each other.

“You don’t know that, Sunset. I might not have lived here as long as you, but I know these ponies. And what the magic of friendship can do. More than you can imagine. Believe me. Besides, when someone does something out of kindness, they normally don’t expect anything in return. I… I don’t think you have anything to worry about!”

No wonder you act the way you do. You’re basically Rainbow Rocks Sunset. You haven’t gotten your confidence back like she did. Which means–

“Thanks. And… I’m sorry for snapping at you before. Again. Uh, this is my room.”

Piles of boxes stacked against the walls. A few posters of bands that looked like Equestria Girl spoofs of bands from my world. Two guitars rested against the walls, a few stuffed animals rested on her unmade bed and two computer screens rested on a desk.

“You brought your computers from your world? Do you have games?” I asked.

“I do, except there’s no electricity in Equestria,” she answered, motioning to the unplugged cords hanging from the desktops.

“Actually, magic in Equestria should be able to get these to work,” I said. “You just might have to make sure they get the voltage right or else you’ll fry them.”

“Really? I didn’t think to ask. I’ve been going through video games withdrawals. You had video games from your world, too? What about internet?”

“Yep!” I cheered while taking a look at Sunset’s plushies. A black cat, a panda, and an orange bird. So cute!

“I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this sort of stuff. Glimmer and Sunburst are interested, but they mainly just pepper me with questions. Uh, it might take me a moment to find my comb.” Sunset gave the boxes a frown.

“Do you have Smash Bros?”

“Smash Bros?” mumbled Sunset as she opened the first box. “Do you mean Super Strike Sisters?”

***

🥜

I tried twisting my wrists around to see what they were capable of. I could rotate them 360 degrees. Watching it made me nauseous. That’s what my wrists were supposed to do. But these were fetlocks, not wrists. Fetlocks which weren’t supposed to move that way.

One of the most disorienting things about having a pony body was looking down and seeing monocolor charcoal hooves, and realizing that this was only a small portion of my body. As a human, I could look down and basically see everything. But as a pony? It’s only a small percentage. Most of this body was behind me, stretching in the other direction. And if I wanted to turn, I couldn’t just swivel around on one leg. No, instead I had to actually walk in a short circle. And when I did so, the way the muscles rippled across my spine (across, not down) gave goosebumps and made my insides turn.

But before I could process that, the alien slap of a smooth surface upon the ground would distract me. I could still feel my hands even without them there. Invisible, intangible, a prickling tingle on transparent skin covering transparent muscle and bone. Yet my brain said they were. My invisible hands reached to grab a hold of door handle and utensil; I felt texture where, physically, I touched nothing.

I could feel the toast in my hands. Brittle along the crust; spongy in the middle, and a warm dampness spreading through my fingertips as bits of butter ran down.

All I did was sit there, staring at the toast, forehooves resting on the table, my tail flicking at my side. I sighed. Of all the days for Andrew to care about his hair. Most of the time he never seemed to bother with it at all. But some days–notably on important days when we were running late for something–then he would suddenly care. I combed my hair every morning, of course, but I really wasn’t going to bother with this horsehair. Maybe if I was someone’s pet; horsehair was hard to take care of, after all.

I’m not somepony’s pet.

Somepony? I’m thinking in Brony now?

I wanted to bang my head on the table. Hard. Instead, I swallowed my pride (again) and lowered my muzzle to the plate. The warm vapors hit my lips before I made it to the actual toast. It felt exactly like when I held it with my hands.

***

🎂

I watched Sunset’s cyan magic twist the faucet. Once on, it seemed quieter than it ought to be. There was almost something mesmerising about it. Maybe because it was both so familiar, but different at the same time? I had never focused on the show’s running water animation before.

But enough wasting her time. I scrunched my eyes closed and motioned to dunk my head under the stream of water.

“Wait!” shouted Sunset as she yanked me backwards. “Wait for the water to get the right temperature. Or do you want to get a cold?”

I nodded awkwardly. Wait, getting a cold from cold water is a myth, isn’t it? Maybe it’s true here? Whatever. I don’t want to disregard what Sunset tells me.

“Using magic on water is hard. There’s so many ways to lose it all. It’s about as hard as trying to hold it in your hooves. At least for me. Starlight could do it no problem. I guess, maybe most unicorns. I’m not really sure.” Sunset gave a grimace while bringing a small towel to the faucet to get it wet before bringing it back to her hoof. “Okay, it should be good now. Here.”

My mane was collected together and gently pulled to the side. The feeling tickled my neck. Slowly, I bent my head toward the direction Sunset had pulled, and dipped it into the running water. Lukewarm. Not super pleasant, but much better than cold.

I could smell the water. I could before, but now… the scent was stronger than I ever noticed before. Ponies can smell water better than humans? Regardless, the scent was relaxing and pleasant. A smell of safety. Immediately, I wanted the water to be hotter and to take a bath right then and there. Which was probably the more responsible way to manage my mane, but too often I was in a rush (like now) so all I could do was get my hair wet, brush, and run.

“Um, do you think that’s enough?” asked Sunset.

“Oh! Um, yeah, probably.” I removed my head from the stream and felt my mane smack against my cheek, water uncomfortably dribbling down. A towel suddenly draped over my neck… (withers?) and gently tied itself around me. “Thank you,” I muttered.

Sunset gave a mmhm. “Here, lets’ get your tail wet while I work on your mane.”

I turned around and, with some concentration, flicked my tail into the bathtub.

“Your floor,” I mumbled as I watched my mane drip.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll clean it up later.”

When was the last time somepony brushed my mane? I hadn’t gotten a haircut since before the pandemic. That meant it had been years. But even then, it’s not like I ever had long hair to be brushed before then. To have my long hair brushed by somepony else… that was a dream come true.

The teeth scratched against my scalp and down my neck. And each time the comb touched the end of my neck, goosebumps trailed the rest of the way from my withers down through my spine. It was just a touch I wasn’t used to. Hair didn’t grow down the neck like that in humans. My eyes closed instinctively as Sunset continued her work. Am I going to fall asleep again?

My hair sprung like a coil, bouncing up and down. Didn’t the pony’s manes do that sometimes in the show? I liked it. And maybe that was why Sunset wasn’t catching any tangles.

Sunset moved on to my bangs. I half opened my eyes for a moment to see golden light trickling through my bangs and water dripping off them onto the rug. I closed my eyes again.

“I guess you’re right, curly hair is really different from straight or wavy hair. If I combed my mane like this, it would be a mess. And now for your tail.”

I let out a mmhm and resisted the urge to nod. The faucet squeaked as Sunset turned it off, and the steady pouring stream was replaced with a few droplets and finally silence. I immediately missed the noise. Why have ASMR when you can have a pony brush your mane? It’s even more relaxing and you get just as many tingles. But, come on, it’s not like I can plan on a pony to do this every time I have an anxiety att–

Electricity. A jolt through my entire body.

“Eeeek!”

I leapt into the air. SMACK. Pain on top of my head. White little beads of light dancing in the bathroom as I quickly descended downwards. I landed on all fours but quickly dropped to my side and folded my legs over myself. Forget the pain. That feeling was still there.

“I’m sorry? What happened? Are you hurt?” Sunset gasped, obviously completely bewildered.

“I…I…” I was chattering. Calm down, girl. But that! How do I even explain it? “I… touch… feeling… new…”

“Your tail?” Sunset slowly asked. A sudden realization showed on her face. And then she began giggling. “I’m sorry, I completely forgot about that! It’s still new to me, too.” She waved her own tail for me to see. “I’m so sorry.” At this, she completely lost composure and her giggles turned to hysterical laughter.

The spot of my tail she had gently started the comb on was still warm, as though the first touch had activated the nerves there for the first time. It was just a regular part of my body. But I had never had a tail before and it was as though I had an invisible body part I never knew about until one day someone poked it and it awoke me to the realization of all the sensations running through it. And then I thought about where it was situated on the rest of my body, and how close it was…

My cheeks went warm and I quickly scooped up my tail and hugged it against my barrel. Ew. Wet. But if it was dry I bet this would be super fluffy and maybe I can hug it when trying to sleep.

“S-s-s-Sunset!” I felt violated. But, she was just brushing my tail. And we’re both girls here. But I’ve only been a girl for a day now and how am I supposed to process this?! And it didn’t help that with Sunset’s laughing, I couldn’t resist the urge to smile too because it was funny but I’m being ridiculous and I can’t help myself. Big Sister help me, this is embarrassing.

Of course it’s embarrassing. But what else is there to do but accept it?

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Lilyheart!” Sunset waved a hoof at me while trying to contain her laugh. “I just wasn’t expecting that! But I totally should have! Honestly, I guess I reacted just as bad. Maybe even worse.” Her smile faded. “Definitely worse.”

Slowly, I unfolded my legs from around myself and stood back up. Robotically, I marched toward Sunset, turned around, and sat.

“J-just finish it, please. I’m-m ready now.”

Wordlessly, Sunset continued while I tried to ignore the strong goosebumps running up my spine from every brush.

***

🥜

The two unicorns came down after another fifteen minutes. Why couldn’t Lily ever have a sense of time? But, Sunset, too? Well, Sunset’s actually responsible, so maybe I should take it easy. Or, wait, is it a girl thing? Taking forever in the shower and with brushing hair? My mom was never like that. She was practical. And on time.

But there is no time limit, is there? I’m not going to be late for work or an appointment. I guess I need to just relax. But the anger still just won’t go away.

Sunset beamed as though she was proud about something, but Lilyheart’s smile was shy. Her mane looked… exactly as it had when she got here.

“Sorry if that took a while, but I think we’ll be ready after Lily gets something to eat,” said Sunset.

“What took so long?” I should not have asked that.

Lilyheart opened her mouth hesitantly, but Sunset spoke first with a wink. “Oh, you know, girl stuff.”

For a moment, I felt dizzy. This was too weird. But Lily isn’t… Andrew isn’t… But I agreed to this, didn’t I? But how can I accept that? I can’t accept that Lilyheart is a girl. I can’t. This is my fault. I never should have encouraged her. The moment she invited me to watch My Little Pony, I should have stopped her. I need to get her out of here.

She gingerly sat down, taking Fluttershy’s chair, of course, and Sunset moved a plate of toast to her.

I can wait until after breakfast. I can wait. Hail Mary, full of grace…

Author's Note

Super thanks to my editors and friends, Ashel, Rainy, and Pandora! :twilightsmile:

Chapter Twenty-One: Going to See Fluttershy
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Twenty-One: Going to See Fluttershy

🥜

Finally, out the door!

Lilyheart was looking happier again, and followed Sunset and I out.

My ears were immediately assaulted by a British voice.

“Miss Skies, please. There was no rain scheduled today!”

It took me a moment before I could process where the sound was coming from. Above us. Nausea. Pegasi. Horses weren’t supposed to be in the air. Worse, one of them was laying on a cloud. Horses weren’t supposed to do that, either.

“It’s just a few rainclouds,” said the one on the cloud, her head resting on a foreleg like Rainbow Dash often did. Ugh… broken legs. “And they’re only over my house! They’re not even bothering anypony!”

“But we have a strict schedule to keep, Mi–” the English one was interrupted when her colleague booped her on the muzzle.

“Sunrise, you really need to learn how to relax. Live a little! Play a game!”

“I do relax! And live! When I’m not on the clock! Unlike somepony I know!” said Sunrise.

“I’m not on the clock,” retorted the lazy pegasus. “I’m enjoying my day off. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get back to it.” Skies tapped on the cloud and blew, causing a small puff to disperse upon Sunrise’s head.

Sunrise sneezed and shook her head. “Fine! I’ll get rid of the clouds myself!”

The English pegasus turned, and with a mighty buck, caused the cloud the other was resting on to disappear. Skies gave a yelp, and pancaked into the ground.

“Enjoy the rest of your day off, Miss Skies!” Sunrise hollered. She turned to leave, but then looked back. “Um, you are okay, right?”

The fallen pegasus immediately ballooned back into proper pony shape. Tiny yellow stars spun momentarily around her head which quickly disappeared after she shook her head. “No, I’m not okay; my cloud is gone!” she called back.

“Perfectly fine, then. Good day, Miss!” Sunrise rolled her eyes, flickered her tail, and flew away.

“I’ll remember this when the next rain is scheduled! I’ll make sure your front yard is always soggy!” called out the defeated pegasus with a shake of her hoof.

“Are you okay, Rainy?” asked Sunset.

Rainy Skies stood up and shook her whole body, her blue and purple ponytail waving back and forth. “I’m fine. I’m made of tougher stuff than that. New ponies in town?”

“Uh, yeah. This is Robin, and this is his sister Lilyheart!” Sunset motioned to us.

I twitched at the word “sister.” Lilyheart gave a giggle. Why are you giggling?

Rainy gave us a look over. “You two don’t look like brother and sister.”

“Well, we’re not really,” I said instantly.

“Our family’s complicated,” said Lily, at the same time

We looked at each other.

Rainy rose an eyebrow. “Rrrright. Well, I have my clouds to get back too… or at least I would, if Sunrise wouldn’t keep dispersing them.”

“What was that about anyway?” I asked.

“Isn’t it obvious? You just watched the whole thing. Pegasus weather policy disagreement. Happens all the time. Of course, I’m the one they come crying to when they need rain. But then ignore me when I want just a simple drizzle over my own property. You’d think I’m breaking the Galloway Convention or something.”

“Galloway Convention?” Dang it Matt stop asking questions.

“You know, all the laws they passed after the second Ponish War. It was a big deal here a few moons ago. Ponyville General had to change their logo because of it. You can ask Ink Scroll at the museum if you want to know more.”

The Geneva Convention? Galloway must be a type of horse. Ugh. The horse puns were cuter before I got stuck here. It was at this point I realized Rainy had been avoiding meeting our gaze during the whole conversation.

“But, welcome to Ponville,” she said. “Cool you get to stay in the castle. See ya.” With that, the pegasus darted into the air and flew off towards a tree.

“From what I hear, Rainy Skies and Sunrise are always going at it. They were like that in my world, too,” explained Sunset.

“And what were you giggling at?” I asked Lily.

“Oh, nothing. Just… Sunrise. Sunset. And of course the ponies named Rain–”

Before Lily could finish her sentence, something smacked into her head. The green ball then bounced harmlessly against my barrel.

“Terra!” a voice called.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Lily flicked her ear and grimaced one side of her face. “I’m okay. What even was…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” squeaked a voice. Before us was a terrified foal, smaller than even the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Terra!” called the voice again. From behind the foal came running up a green mare. With a pink horn? Did any other ponies have different color horns?

“I’m so sorry!” said the mare. “Terra, what did I say about running off like that?”

The filly looked down at her hooves. “That I’m not s’posed to.”

The green mare took a hoof and patted the filly’s head. “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again, okay? Where’d you even get that ball from? And what were you doing?”

“From the bush,” answered Terra. “I was pwactising my magic!”

“Somepony left a ball in a bush out on this side of town? Who would even do that?” the green mare wondered out loud.

“I think I might have an idea about that,” answered Sunset. Her cyan aura hovered the ball through the air for us all to see. There was a small sketch of a curly maned pony on it.

“Pinkie Pie,” we all answered simultaneously.

The green mare took the ball with her own magic. “I guess we’ll go put it back. Sorry, again. Come on, Terra.”

But the little light mustard foal lingered for a moment, staring curiously at Lily.

“Your mane is pwetty!” she exclaimed suddenly.

Lilyheart’s eyes widened with surprise, and for a second, she blushed again. But she barely had time to blurt out a “Thank you!” before Terra shot off to follow her babysitter.

Again, my heart was torn in two. Great, she’s being encouraged again. But then a stinging guilt. Why can’t you just let her be happy? But she isn’t a girl. But he is a girl.

“Come on, the quickest way to Fluttershy’s cottage is this way,” said Sunset.

We followed her, me on Sunset’s right and Lilyheart a little behind me on the left. Except I had to do a double take when my eyes caught a pony with her same mane and coat color a few yards away. But, her mane was straight and balancing on the top of her head was a rubber duck. I stared, trying to figure out what exactly she was doing, but instead she only kept walking with a serene smile on her face as though her rubber duck was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Suddenly, I realized Lilyheart wasn’t by my side anymore. I looked around in momentary terror before seeing double. She was next to the rubber duck pony, with a shy blush on her face. Lily, can we please not get distracted…

“That’s cute!” she suddenly burst out. “Your rubber ducky is cute!”

Lilyheart’s straight haired clone removed the duck from the top of her head, her gentle smile now a beam. “Thanks! This is my little rubbery ducky! He’s a very cute friend to me!”

I could see the extra sparkles in Lily’s eyes. Great, not only do they look alike, but they share the same childish passion for small fake animals.

“Does he have a name?” Lily asked.

“His name is Bubbles!”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Bubbles!” Lily gave a little bow with her head.

“Sorry to interrupt,” I interrupted, “But Lily and I are late for something!” I stretched a foreleg over her and pulled her back towards myself like a bad performer whisked off stage with a cane. It made me shiver. What was that? Six feet? My legs can extend six feet? Aaaaah!

“Nice to meet you!” said Lily’s clone. She placed the duck back upon her head and began skipping along with a tune, “Little Bubbles, he’s the one!”

“Why’d you do that?” asked Lilyheart. “It’s not like we’re in a hurry.”

“Sunset needs to get to the Apple Farm, and I’d rather not spend all day putting off getting to Fluttershy’s cottage.”

Lilyheart shyly looked down. “Oh… okay. Sorry.”

I sighed. “Why did you talk to her anyway?” That’s not like you.

“That little foal… Terra… she gave me a compliment, just like that, and I thought, well, why can’t I give compliments like that to other ponies?”

It was easier to stay mad at Lily before she turned into a pony. But her last two words echoed in my brain… ‘other ponies.’ I sighed again. “That’s fine. But, I want to get to where we’re going. Is that okay?”

Lily nodded quietly, and we both galloped to catch up to Sunset, who apparently had just noticed we were gone. Afterwards, she began walking more slowly as though to make sure we didn’t get lost. After heading over a bridge, we took a left hand turn and soon the picturesque houses were replaced with a series of tents, some polka dotted, some striped, and others plain.

“Welcome to the Ponyville Market. Since it’s only around noon it shouldn’t be too busy, and it’s the fastest way to the Everfree Forest,” explained Sunset.

Not ‘too busy’ turned out to be quite relative, as the ponies increased dramatically in number surrounding us. Pastel cuteness assaulted my eyes, and a collection of pony chatter mixed with hoof clopping assaulted my ears from every which direction.

The three of us were pushed together amidst the crowd… is this technically a herd? I suppose a herd can be crowded, and a crowd can be herded, can’t it? Either way, I was sandwiched between the two unicorns. Ugh. I should have been on the other side, that way we could have kept Lily from running off.

And this was the first moment I really bothered to take in the smell of Ponyville. There were just too many changes to take in all at once. Instead of horse like I’d expect… it smelt sweet. It was like something sugary was being roasted… like multiple things. Mint, strawberry, lavender… so many. But two scents were the strongest… a crème brûlée, and something cinnamony, like Hot Tamales.

“Lily! Stop spacing out!” called out a voice.

Lord and Savior help me, what has she done now?

“Huh?” asked Lily, who stopped in the middle of the ruckus.

“Wait, no–” I tried, but it was too late. She disappeared behind a wall of technicolor. “Sunset, wait. We lost Lilyheart. Again.” I couldn’t keep the exasperation out of my voice.

“Sorry, cat lost rat?” asked Sunset.

“Cat lost rat?” I parroted.

“Who did what to your back?!” asked a stunned Sunset.

We were practically shouting at each other at this point, with only an inch between our muzzles. Her cyan eyes stared into my own with confusion.

I instinctively took a step back only to have the very surreal sensation of crashing into another pony three feet behind where my body ought to have ended. “Sor–” I started with a jolt, only to crash into another pony on my left… and then a pony on my right. What is going on?! Suddenly, Sunset bit the scruff on my withers and began dragging me away.

My pride is dead.

We found solace in a little nook between two tents. Sunset spat my withers out, and I fell to the ground. I stood up and shook myself. Ugh.

“Sorry about this. I’ve never seen it this busy before. Ever,” she said. “What were you saying about a rat and cat? And where’d Lily go?”

I facehoofed. “I was trying to tell you Lily was missing from the beginning! I thought you brought up the rat and cat!”

Sunset thought for a moment, before looking embarrassed. “Oops. Sorry. I think I said, ‘who lost what.’ I think.”

I facehoofed again before looking out into the scrambling mass of hooves, dust, and color. “Meanwhile, losing Lilyheart here is like losing a kindergartener in Disneyland!”

“Disneyland?”

“Really? Not even Disneyland in your world? It’s a theme park, mostly for children. Roller coasters, p-p-p-ponies dressed up as characters, food and toy stores…” I trailed off.

“Any idea where your sister went off to?” asked Sunset.

I thought for a moment. Where on earth would she go? Back to the castle? Would she try to make it to Fluttershy’s Cottage on her own? Just stay put and wait for us to find her? Clearly, she didn’t care that much about getting to Fluttershy’s cottage on time…

“Sunset,” I said. “Are there any shops that sell plushies?”

Author's Note

Cameos galore! I asked way too many ponies if they could make an appearance. And though I manged to squeeze in a lot of these ponies in an earlier chapter, but this one has been a long time coming. The bickering weather pegasi are Ashel's Sunrise and Rainy's Rainy Skies. The unicorn foal and mare pair are Pandora's Terra and Melody Daydream. To read more about Terra's adventures, check out her story here! (quick note, that Terra isn't the same Terra as this one... or are they?)

Other cameos include the reappearance of Iceswimmer05's Squeaky Clean!
We also hear a mention about Geeknerd's Ink Scroll, who you can read more about here!

My entire editing team found themselves in the chapter this time, but because they deserve even more praise and attention: special thanks the excellent and remarkable Rainy Skies, Ashel, and PandoraFox!

Chapter Twenty-Two: Lily One and Lily Two
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Twenty-Two: Lily One and Lily Two

🎂

“Lily! Stop spacing out!”

I could have sworn I wasn’t spacing. Was I? I was just following Robin and Sunset, trying not to get stampeded like Mufasa. Poor Simba. The second movie was better anyway.

But then somepony calls my name from out of nowhere. I turned to see who. Where? And then I felt Robin leave my side. Fear down my spine. Noise. Commotion. Was that Twinkleshine? Big Mac? Caramel? More ponies I didn’t know. Bright colors. Expressions. Passions. Dreams. Wants. Expectations. I’m in the way. I have to get away.

“It was hazelnut, not banana nut! We don’t even have banana nut? Where’d you get that from?”

Was that the same voice? Hard to tell. A pony bumped into my barrel.

An exaggerated sigh.

I’m in the way.

“Nine bits!”

“I heard Trixie’s putting on ano–

“Eight fifty!”

“–show. Wanna–”

“Nine bits.”

“But mom!”

“Eight sixty!”

“–ice cream is good!”

“Nine bits.”

“What flavor did you–”

“You’re bartering wrong. I’m going up, see–”

Where was Robin? Where was Sunset? Fluttershy. The schedule. I’ll be late. I’m always late.

“HURRY UP WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE.”

I try.

“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?”

I don’t know.

“GET MOVING.”

I was just about to. I swear. I really mean it I just–

“YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT.”

The fear is a lie. Is it worse now? Why is it worse now. Easy fix syndrome. Did I think being a girl would fix this? Did I think being a girl would fix me?

“I’m just afraid I’m going to lose you.”

I’m still me, Robin. Pathetic me.

Antonietta, help me! Big sister, I’m scared.

I’m nothing. I’ll never be able to do anything and–

Just head to the wall. Hug the wall.

Like an animal. A mouse. A cat. I’m a pony.

I gingerly pushed through the herd. No eye contact. My heart has to be closed to you all right now. I can’t care. I’m sorry. I find myself at the side of a striped green tent.

And stupidly, I began leaning on it.

In a moment, the world went sideways, and then it went dark. The tent flap flipped over me and quickly I was on my back with my little hooves bent at the fetlocks. I saw the little cone the tent made at the top, a pole in the center holding it up, but I didn’t linger. Terrified of bothering somepony, I quickly rolled over again and jumped on my hooves.

An orange unicorn with a mane like fire was quickly jotting back and forth. She had… ice cream cones? She was scooping ice cream? There was a little light green scoop right there. Followed by a sprinkling of chocolate chips. She quickly hoofed it over to a red foal.

“Thank you Miss!” he cheered. “You make the best ice cream!”

“Not now Sweet Talker! Way too busy this morning!” said the orange unicorn as she prepared another cone.

“Ma’am, this ice cream’s already melted,” said… wait, I know that pony! Lemon… Lemon something?

“Ugggh!” sighed the orange unicorn. “I hate it when I do that. Sorry! I’ll get another one for you right away! Lily! Where’s the caramel refill?”

I nearly leapt out of my skin.

Am I… is Equestria adapting itself around me?

“Ember, when did you hire a new pony?” asked a spacey voice from behind.

Again, I leapt. This time, however, I also shrieked. I found myself clutching the tent pole.

Once behind me, but now under me at a safe distance, was a greenish pony with a flat blue mane tied into a ponytail and a blank stare.

The orange pony, evidently Ember, stood looking up at me with surprise. Floating next to her was a black cone, and on the floor was a splatted scoop of pink ice cream.

“Who are you?” asked Ember.

“L-Lily,” I spluttered, feeling like a cat slowly peeling down the pole.

“Yes?” asked the other Lily.

Why did the most obvious conclusion not occur to me earlier?

Suddenly, the cone in Ember’s magical gasp caught on fire.

“Not again!” she shouted. “Always when I’m excited about something!”

The cone dropped to the ground and Ember slammed a pot over it. She spun around towards me in a whirl. I found an ice cream scooper pointed into my muzzle. Heat emanated from it.

“You!” she exclaimed. “Who are you and what are you doing in our ice cream shop?!”

“My name is Lily! Lilyheart!” I suddenly felt the ground hit my rump. Oh, I slid back to the ground. “It was an accident! I just fell through the tent!”

The other Lily was sniffing the air. “Ember, I smell something burning. Did you catch the tent on fire again?”

“Uggh!” Ember face hoofed.

I glanced at the other Lily’s cutie mark. Is that a… lilypad? She was sitting, but instead of resting her hindlegs on the ground, she stuck them up as though in a yoga pose.

“Hey, are you still serving ice cream, or should we just go somewhere else?” called a stallion from outside the tent.

“Good luck finding another place open this early…” Ember muttered, her eyes aglow. She turned towards the customers, and her voice became suddenly cheery. “I’m terribly sorry for the delay, we had some minor difficulties in the back! Just a moment, please, and I’ll be right with you!”

I took the moment to slowly unwrap myself from the tent pole. The other Lily was still sitting quietly, now examining a spoon with a joyful contentment. Hopefully, I can just slip right back out and find–

“You! Lily Number Two!” Ember suddenly barked at me. “Have you ever worked in the food industry before?”

“EEP! N-no!” Eeeee! I eeped!

“Well, you do now! You get paid at the end of the day. Benefits include daily free ice cream cones, occasional vacation so long as you inform us–inform me, not Lily Lotus–and also… actually, that’s all the benefits. You listen to what the customer wants, scoop the ice cream with the scooper, put it into the cone, take their bits, and give them the cone. Got it? Good! You’re on point with the customers!”

As she explained this, I found a pink apron pinned on me and a matching hat placed on my head. ‘E&L Cone!’ it read in cursive.

“Oh, here’s your scooper. An ice cream worker’s sacred weapon!”

“Wait, I can’t–” I tried, only to find a scooper in my hoof. “What?”

“Lily Number One! Stop staring at the spoon like it’s Marea Lisa and get the caramel! Now!” barked Ember.

“Okay,” Lily Lotus answered spacefully as she turned away… but kept the spoon with her.

I found myself shoved forward to the ice cream tubs… and a herd of hungry looking ponies. So many staring eyes… WhatdoIdowhatdoIdo.OkayshecantforcemeIlljus–

“Just scoop the ice cream that I tell you, and it will be fine,” said Ember. “Miss, what flavor did you have that melted? Blue bubblegum? Okay! Blue tub to your left.”

I turned, and sure enough, there was a container of cyan ice cream. Hesitantly, I dunked the scooper in, and produced a ball of frozen milk sugar.

“And in the cone!” cheered Ember. “There we go… Here, Miss! Sorry about that. Now, strawberry was next up! Pink, right in front of ya!”

Again, I did as I was told. Shouldn’t I use a different scooper for the different flavors? But I clutched the one I had tightly. At least, I thought I did? If I dropped it, I wasn’t certain I’d be able to pick it up again. And there wasn’t much time to think about how I was holding it to begin with, as the orders from Ember kept coming.

The strawberry cone went to a filly with an incredibly long orange mane and a backpack nearly as big as she was. She leapt away so quickly she left behind a blur effect.

“Lily! Where’s the caramel?!”

“Right here Ember. Have you ever thought about if fish get headaches?”

I eeped again when my name was called, and Lotus calmly placed a jar of what I assumed was caramel in a purple cupholder.

“Lily One, not now. Lily Two! Orange Creamsicle! Orange tub to your–” I was already retrieving it before she finished her sentence. Not many different kinds of orange ice cream, were there? I wanted to tell Ember to lower her voice a little, but the truth was I likely wouldn’t be able to hear her if she did. And I was still reeling from the anxiety attack earlier; there was no way I could stand up to such a fiery pony at the moment. Not unless she crossed the line…

Lily Lotus took a position beside me and began helping with the ice cream orders. Every once in a while, I heard her mumbling something. Each time, the phrase was so nonsensical, I couldn’t be sure if I heard it correctly or not.

“Would you like ketchup with that?” she said to the pony who ordered chocolate.

“Uh… no thank you?”

“Oh. Okay. We don’t have any.”

In another instance, “What if lightning was just electricity, but big?”

This went on for what felt like an hour. My leg gripping the scooper was getting tired, and panic was beginning to slowly build in my heart again.

I’m going to be late.

“Watermelon- light pink on the right!”

Robin’s going to be mad at me.

“Vanilla!”

Sunset’s going to be disappointed in me.

“Strawberry! You should know where it is by now!”

I need to leave.

“Peanut butter Chocolate? Lily! I mean–Lily Lotus! We need more Peanut butter Chocolate! Please wait a moment, Miss!”

The fear is a lie.

“Hey… Lily… Lily Number Two… sorry for roping you into things.” I looked up to find Ember talking to me in a much calmer voice. “Truth be told,” she continued. “You kind of saved us there. We weren’t expecting so many ponies this morning. If we didn’t have your help, we would’ve gotten a little overwhelmed. Right Lily?”

“Dogs can shed more than seventy pounds of fur a year,” answered Lily Lotus, who was closing ice cream bins.

“You shared that one yesterday,” said Ember.

“Lily Number Two didn’t hear it.” Lily Lotus froze for a moment, as though something profound occurred to her. She turned to me. “Unless you were here yesterday still hiding!”

“Uh, no. I just got lost in the crowd…” I answered. Somehow… I found myself calming. These were ponies. This was Equestria. I could trust ponies. I felt then like a lost child found by helpful and friendly grown-ups.

Friendship is magic. Maybe not everyone had prickly points out and ready to hurt me more. Maybe instead, everyone was a potential friend in the making. So childish. So optimistic. And yet, I was staring at talking cartoon horses who seemed, despite their quirks, to be genuinely friendly.

“I have no clue why it was so busy this morning…” wondered Ember.

“There’s a new attraction from Las Pegasus in town. They were pitching up their tent yesterday as I was feeding the fish,” said Lotus, who had returned to taking care of the ice cream tubs.

“Seriously? How did you–” started Ember. “Wait, fish? What fish?”

“The ones in the fountain.”

“Lily… there are no fish in the fountain.”

“But I always see ponies feeding them bits!” said Lily Lotus. “I figured the fish could use something more substantial. I don’t think too much metal is good for their headaches. So I gave them bread crumbs.”

Ember facehoofed.

“I wonder if mushrooms have headaches. Since, they do have brains and all. Even though they’re called headaches, not brainaches. I don’t think mushrooms have heads. So, I guess they can’t have headaches. Just brainaches, then,” Lily Lotus continued to mumble.

“I, um…” I started.

“In anycase, Lily Two… here I can take that now,” said Ember. I felt a warmth over my hoof and a sudden tug at my hoof. Ember used her magic to detach it from my hoof.

And I felt it. Just for a moment… I felt something I had never felt before. A freedom. A bit like feet having socks and shoes removed after a particularly long day of walking. Or removing mittens from your hands after being outside in the snow and holding them by the fire.

There weren’t any fingers or toes to wiggle. But there was something there, something which was now freed to relax.

“Sorry about the heat,” said Ember. “My magic’s like that. Always has been. It’s my talent, actually. Ever need a campfire, I’m your pony! Now keeping things cool, on the other hoof… not so much. But anyway, here!” A bag was placed on my hoof. I could tell what it was immediately.

“Your pay! Again, thanks for the help!” said Ember. “Oh, you can have a free ice cream cone, too. What would you like?”

“Thank you, but…” I began. “I could use help finding my friends. Sunset Shimmer and Robinwind. Have you heard of Sunset? We were going to Fluttershy’s cottage when I got lost. You calling for Lily Lotus distracted me and then… they were gone.”

“Wait,” said Ember, stifling a laugh. “That’s how you ended up in our tent? See Lily One? Your antics caused Lily Two to get lost!”

“Actually, since you were the one shouting at me, this would technically be your fault,” rebuked Lily Lotus, absentmindedly looking up at the clouds.

“I…” Ember started, but trailed off into a grumble.

“Anyway, Sunset went that way,” said Lily Lotus.

“Wait, what? When?” asked Ember.

“About a half hour ago. She was looking at the plushies. You were too busy shouting about caramel to notice.”

Author's Note

NEW Cover Art! NEW Chapter! NEW Lily!

Wow. It's bit a while. We have a new cover art provided by the excellent Starcoder!

As always, I'd like to thank Rainy Skies, PandoraFox, and Ashel, my editors and friends. Also, Heartbreak, without whom I never would have begun writing this story, or gained these friendships in the first place.

We also have more cameos! Ember Blaze and Lily Lotus both belong to QuixoticPirates, who was actually responsible for the old cover. Click that link to see some beautiful and silly artwork of Ember and Lily Lotus. Additionally, if you'd like to see the old cover, you can find it here!

Chapter Twenty-Three: Phoenixi Kirini
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Twenty-Three: Phoenixi Kirini

🥜

Okay, apparently plushies weren’t the answer afterall.

“This one’s kind of cute!” Sunset shouted to be heard over the herd. I looked to see a chubby plush orange cat. It looked a bit like Leo.

“I’m more worried about where An-n-n-Lilyheart is!” I shouted back.

But where? Someone called her name. She probably tried to find them. Who possibly could have known who she was? Pinkie? It wouldn’t be surprising to find Pinkie in this massive crowd.

“Right, sorry!” called Sunset. “But, wherever she is, I’m sure she’s fine. Ponyville is a really safe town! Well, usually…”

“LILYHEART!!!!” I tried to shout over the crowd. I was awarded with a handful of looks, but no Lily. “Why are all these ponies here, anyway?!”

“Haven’t you heard? There’s a new show in town!” squeaked a voice.

I looked down to find a foal covered in a yellow rainjacket, her blue mane tucked into the hood.

“New show?” said Sunset.

“Yeah! They came all the way from Las Pegasus,” the filly squeaked again. “You can find them over there in the big tent.” She pointed with the stick she was carrying.

“Do you think Lily might be over there?” asked Sunset.

“It’s worth a try,” I turned back to the small filly. “Thank you. Why are you wearing a raincoat? Is it supposed to rain today?”

“Probably not today. But, I have a long way to go, still, and some days can be hard.”

“Robin, you coming?” called Sunset.

“Yes!” I answered.

“Good luck finding your friend!” said the little filly as we trotted away.

Since most of the herd was going the same direction as us, we found it easier to make our way to the large circus tent. It wasn’t difficult to spot; a giant balloon of yellow and red stripes that easily towered over the rest of the tents, even most of the buildings of the rest of town. A few yards away was a fountain. I watched Twinkleshine flip a bit into it.

But Lily was nowhere to be seen. Sunset and I quickly found ourselves shuffled with the crowd towards the entrance of the tent.

“Step right up! Come here and see the great mysteries of Las Pegasus! Free entry into the tent! Come and learn more!” shouted a voice, ushering in the herd. Something about the gruff voice seemed familiar…

Once again, I was pressed against Sunset on my left, and another pony on my right. A tail flicked my nose– muzzle. And somehow, I could feel another pony only a few inches behind me. Normal horses would not be okay with this. I never had claustrophobia, but being pressed together like a sardine pony was just downright frustrating. Just replace the smell of sweets and chocolate with that horrid smog and it reminded me of New York City.

The herd pushed Sunset and I closer to the entrance of the tent. Finally, I laid eyes on the barker, a tall, slender pony. He wore sunglasses, and what looked like a white pilot captain’s hat with a gold medal. I furiously looked around. Lily? Anywhere? Lily, where are you?

“I just need you to sign here! For confidentiality purposes!” barked the barker. My ears folded back from the loudness.

Something was suspicious. But maybe Lily was here?

Sunset and I locked eyes. She shrugged. I sighed. And then I nodded.

The pencil floated in a green aura just in front of my face. Hesitantly, I took it with my teeth and scribbled a sloppy MK. Wait. Does that mean I could write my name? My actual name?!

Sunset and I were rushed in before I could contemplate the matter, and we were soon seated in a dark and cram-packed room facing a red curtained stage. A pink pony beside me was licking an ice cream cone.

“Now, I see we now have some new fillies and gentlecolts joining us! Those of you who would love to see our exhibit, please, take your opportunity now! Just head to the room on your right!”

This new speaker had a youthful and energetic voice; he stood on a podium, with the only source of light in the whole tent all focused on him. He was tall and slender like the barker, but wore round glasses, a bowler hat, and sported a goatee.

A bit of jealousy hit me. It had been too long since I got to perform on stage. The thrill, the energy, the friendship… what was it about putting on a character before an audience, to sing and dance…

“All of you here, have the chance of a lifetime!” continued the speaker. “All of you have the opportunity to take part in the wonderful, amazing, terrific Phoenixi kirini, a rare and endangered species! In fact, there’s only one of it’s kind! Once, long ago, these amazing species used to live all over Equestria! Their feathers radiate all of the colors of the rainbow, and spark in the sunlight! Imagine the beauty and swirl of color! And their song! Ponies burst into tears at the noise. Why, the great scholar Starswirl the Bearded even died when he listened to it!”

Wait, what?

“And the famous Mistmane was so jealous of the kirini that she tried to have them all rounded up–she couldn’t stand the idea of a creature that existed more beautiful than her, you see! Soon, all that was left was just this single, poor specimen. All alone. No friends to answer the call of its song; no friend to harmonize with. The skies, bare of their wonderful color.” The speaker’s voice became mournful, he closed his eyes and faced the floor. Sounds of sobbing rang out through the tent.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Ponies can not be this stupid!

“But that’s why we have a plan to bring this species back from the brink!” said Flim, suddenly no longer sorrowful. “All we need are funds to help start a wildlife rehabilitation center. And as an added bonus, you can even see the rare and exotic species if you donate!”

My interest and jealousy was gone, burnt up by a new emotion.

“Does this seem suspicious to you?” Sunset hissed to me.

“Very,” I grumbled.

“Take my bits! Take them!” wailed a pony from the front.

“Thank you! Thank you! You’re too kind!” cheered Flim as the gold piled around him. “Please, if you’ve been so kind hearted as to make a donation today, make your way to the left exit!”

“Come one, let’s get out of here,” I grumbled to Sunset.

“Not so fast!” barked a gruff voice in my muzzle. “You signed the contract!”

“Wha–” I started.

“It says right here, clearly that upon entry, you agree to either stay for two hours, or pay a fee! So, if you want to leave, time to pay up!” said Flam, still in his pilot’s hat, as he unrolled the scroll with my M.K. at the bottom.

“What!? You can’t do that!” I spluttered.

“You signed it!” called out Flim from the stage. “That’s a legally binding document! But, none of you little ponies have anything to worry about! Besides, you’d all like to save the Phoenixi kirini, wouldn’t you? Or perhaps hear more about this amazing and exotic creature!”

Ponies around me cheered.

“I don’t care what we signed! You can’t keep us here!” said Sunset.

“Of course not,” said Flam. “But the problem is, this is the entrance, not the exit. If you want to leave, you have to go over there.”

“But the problem with that way,” said Flim appearing behind us, “Is that’s where the poor Phoenixi kirini is. We can’t let you see it without a fee, to ensure its safety, you see.”

“Yes, for its safety!” echoed Flam.

“Doesn’t anyp-p-pony see this is a scam!?” I shouted. “This is Flim and Flam! Aren’t you two banned from Ponyville by now?!”

The two miscreants immediately tossed aside their disguises. “Not at all!” said Flam.

“And scam?! Why, we’ve never scammed anypony! We’re honest businessponies!” said Flim, his foreleg over his head as though he was distraught.

“Wait, I thought you were Flim and you were Flam?” I said.

“I grew out my mustache, like it?” said Flim.

“And I shaved!” said Flam.

“How do we know you anyway?” asked Flim.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re going to let us out. You’re to let everypony out,” cut in Sunset.

Quick thinking. You didn’t want me to have to explain myself. Even while you’re mad. But everypony? Really, Sunset? Can we not make a scene? Wait, I was the one making a scene, wasn’t I? Dang it!

“Of course they can go!” said the mustacheless Flam. “Once they pay up.”

“For the good of the Phoenixi kirini!” said the mustached Flim. “And the Las Pegasus Animal Sanctuary project!”

So that’s what you’re up to. This sounds like an episode plot where Fluttershy would deal with you two. Except, she’d fall for this trick, wouldn’t she?

“We. Are. Not. Paying.” stammered Sunset, shaking, the look of rage growing on her face.

“How about we make you a deal?” asked Flam.

“Instead of two hours, you’ll only have to stay thirty minutes!” said Flim. “After that, you can leave, free of charge!”

“What do you say? That’s not so long a wait!” added Flam. “You even get to hear more about the fabulous Phoenixi kirini while you wait!”

Sunset seemed to consider it. “No. I’m leaving, and you can’t make me stay.” She tried to push past.

“Ow!” cried Flam, shooting his foreleg into the air, cradling it with the other.

“Wha–I didn’t mean–” started Sunset.

“My my, so pushy!” said Flim. “And with such a temper! Didn’t anypony ever tell you that you could hurt someone with that temper of yours?”

Suddenly, Sunset Shimmer seemed to go very far away. She was still standing there, of course. But her eyes stared into space, her mouth hung open, just by a crack, all of her anger, her fire, passion, it seemed to dry up in a moment. “I…I…” she mumbled. But if she finished the thought, I didn’t hear it.

“This is the hoof I feed the Phoenixi kirini with!” cried Flam.

Oh, bother.

“We didn’t know you wanted to leave so badly you would resort to physical violence!” said Flim.

The ponies around booed. Sunset’s ears folded down.

“Fifteen minutes! We’ll even cut the price in half!” cried Flam.

“For the Phoenixi kirini,” said Flim.

“Enough,” I whispered. Nothing changed. Chatter. Noise. Nonsense. I stomped my hoof on the ground. “ENOUGH!”

The tent went silent.

“We are not paying a single bit.” I said with gritted teeth. “You two are scammers, who make your money by tricking innocent ponies! You tried to make the Apple family go out of business! You own the entire Las Pegasus resort! You have plenty of money! All you do is lie and cheat! And just because we sign a document doesn’t mean you can keep us from leaving! We can’t be a captive audience! Do you really think Princess Twilight would be okay with that?”

“But of course the Princess would be fine with a good cause like helping the ani–” started Flim.

“I bet this Phoenixi kirini doesn’t even exist!” I interrupted. “What you have back there is probably a regular bird in a rainbow costume! And how the heck were you going to bring this species back from extinction if there’s only one left? These two are lying to you. All of you are being lied to!”

“Now, now, I wouldn’t go that far…” muttered Flam, his hoof suddenly no longer hurting.

“Really? And what would happen if I pulled open the curtain for everyp-p-pony to see?” I asked.

“W-We…” the brothers stumbled in unison.

“Sunset?”

“I…” she looked at me uncertainly.

Oh boy. You’re not the Sunset we knew at all.

“Fine, I’ll open it myself.” I charged towards the exit.

“Wait! Stop!” cried the brothers. “The Kirino phoenixo is a very delicate species!”

I had never run so fast in my life. There was strength in my… hooves… that I had never felt before. I could leap and dodge out of the way of other ponies with ease, all while I galloped towards the mysterious curtain. It was there, right in front of me, before I knew it. I reared up and pulled the curtains.

My eyes met the fattest bird I had ever seen in my life. It sat upon the floor in a large cage, a bulging white belly and dilapidated rainbow-feathered wings draping wearily over the straw. Its head hung loosely to the side, dispirited and pathetic.

For a moment, my heart sunk. Oh no. What have I done? What if Flim and Flam had reformed in one of the later seasons? What if this is actually a rare or endangered species?

And then the blurry features cleared up. Was Equestria affecting me, making me as stupid as the characters? The disguise was so obvious once I looked at it clearly.

“Snips?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Huh?” said the bird-dressed foal.

The head of the bird costume sat over his horn, so just his face was visible from a small round opening. The tail feather covered his hindlegs, while his forelegs served as the bird’s legs. The wing limply protruded from where a pegasus’ wings ought to be.

“You mustn’t disturb the bird!” cried Flim.

“It needs peace and quiet,” said Flam.

Both of the brothers had caught up with me.

“I thought your hoof was hurt,” I said in a monotone.

“Uh, well, it is!” said Flam.

“And this isn’t a bird. It’s Snips!” I said.

“H-hi!” said Snips with a wave of his hoof.

Flim gasped. “Can’t you see! You’re disturbing the delicate environment we’ve prepared for the Phoenixa kirina! It only waves its talons like that when it’s distressed.”

“Yes, distressed! Very distressed!” followed Flam.

“It’s SNIPS,” I said with exasperation. “It’s a pony in a bird costume. What did they do to put you up to this?”

Snips swallowed. “Uh, free food all day. This birdseed is really delicious! Plus it increases your magic potential! All I had to do was keep quiet and eat, they said.”

I glared at the brothers.

“An investment didn’t go through properly,” said Flim.

“We got tons of birdseed leftover. Want any? We’ll sell at a discount!” said Flam.

“Let Snips out of the cage,” I ordered.

“I uh…” mumbled Flam.

“Heeey!” called out a slow voice from the crowd. “That’s Snips in a bird costume!”

“Oh, hey Snails!” Snips called back with another wave. “You should try the birdseed! It tastes great!”

“I want my money back!” cried another pony.

“Yeah!”

“Scam!”

“Where’s my bits?!”

“Now, now!” Flim called out over the ponies. “We know what this looks like.”

“But the Phoenixe kirine is a real bird!” finished Flam. “And we do have it in our possession!”

“It’s just too delicate to have transported all the way here,” said Flim.

“So, this is actually just a likeness of the exotic bird to give anypony an idea of what it really looks like!” said Flam.

“All proceeds go to the development of the Las Pegasus Animal Shelter development project, where, if you come and visit, you will be able to see the real Phoenixu kirinu!” said Flim.

“In fact, if you pay just five bits, you’ll be entered into our sweepstakes to receive a free ticket to our grand opening!” said Flam.

“And only three bits to enter into a chance to receive a free bag of exotic and rare birdseed!” said Flim.

“Oh wow. I’d like some of that birdseed,” said Snails.

I facehoofed.

“We’re not gonna fall for that!” cried out a pony.

“Yeah! We want our bits back!” cried another.

All at once the entire herd erupted into a tumult of incomprehensible angry complaints. Large sweat droplets poured down Flim and Flam’s faces, but I couldn’t hear what excuses they made. Instead, I spotted an uncertain looking Sunset in the corner of the mob.

I called her name and galloped over. “Quick, let’s get out of here!” I wrapped a foreleg around her and pulled her back towards the exit. Meanwhile, the angry herd inched closer to the scam brothers.

The flash of light from the blue sky and subtle breeze immediately made me feel better. Ugh. Like a horse finally free from its stable.

“All that waste of time, and we still have no idea where Lily is,” I grumbled.

“Well, Ponyville really is a safe place,” said Sunset. “No matter where she is, I’m certain she’s fine. Just so long as she stays away from the Everfree Forest…”

Sunset fell silent. We looked at each other.

“Oh no.”

Author's Note

The pilot outfit Flam is wearing is based on of the disguises pulled off by 'Chameleon' William Douglas Street Jr, while the disguise Flim has is based on conman 'Yellow Kid' Joseph Weil.

Special thanks to my amazing editors, Ashel, PandoraFox, and Rainy Skies!

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Little Cottage in the Woods
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A Tail of Two Ponies

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Little Cottage in the Woods

🎂

I told the ice cream pony duo goodbye and raced off in the direction Lily Lotus pointed. I left my pay and forwent the free ice cream, asking them if I could collect both later. Hard to hold either if you didn’t know how hooves worked. And… I can trust random ponies, right?

A giant red and yellow tent towered over everything else in Ponyville. I wondered if it could be the one Lily Lotus mentioned. There was a fountain, probably where the poor migraine-misfortuned fish apparently lived. Oh! And familiar faces! Snips and Snails! They had… bags of birdfeed? Huh. I wonder if Trixie had them up to something. Did they still like Trixie? Probably no– okay, seriously, focus girl. Robin. Where is Robin?

I ran through the entire row of tents, looking back and forth frantically like when you’re in a rush at the grocery store trying to find something niche down any particular aisle. My hunt ended at the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. I froze. Memories of thorny vines wrapping themselves around my legs. A monster, a mouth, hungry for pony flesh…

My heartrate quickened. My legs trembled. There was a light coldness in my barrel right over my heart. Funny, even when you’re scared of the dark, you don’t really think of what you’re scared of in the dark. It was mysterious, and that mystery was the fear itself. But now, the darkness had a form. It had a sound. It even had a name. Rattlesnatcher.

I gulped. It was daytime. And he had saved me. I… there was always someone there to save you in Equestria, wasn’t there? I shook my head. Focus, focus. In middle school I knew a girl. Felicia. She was always distracted, and distracting others in class. The teacher and her made a bit of a game where they would put a hand in front of their face and slowly close their fingers as they moved the hand away while saying, “Focus, Felicia.”

No fingers to do that trick now. But I could do something else.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath while bringing a hoof to my barrel.

“And calm,” I said, simultaneously exhaling as I brought my hoof away from me, pointing it to nowhere in particular. “And again,” I mumbled.

Thank you Princess Candance. I giggled at the memory of Twilight performing the same move while hyperventilating. Oh Twilight.

The sound of rustling bushes made me twitch. My eyes flickered open and snapped to the location of the noise.

A pegasus. A brown coat and white mane, but her hair was sparkly and glittery; almost as though some strands were made of tinsel. She hovered gently over a stump. I watched her quietly as she fussed over something. The stump- it wasn’t a stump at all, but rather a small little house, as though for a doll. The pegasus was neatly placing little flowers and mushrooms around it.

I looked around. The only other pony I saw was an older grey foal reading a book on a bench a little ways away.

‘Right. Here goes nothing,’ I thought quietly with a sigh, and I strode right up to the pegasus.

“H-hi! Your house, it’s beautiful,” I said.

The pegasus twitched and looked back at me with alarm. But her surprise was quickly replaced with a calmness.

“Hi,” she said. A quiet but steady voice. “It’s a fairy house. I spend my time making them. It’s my talent, really.”

“Really? Do fairies actually live in them?” I asked, stepping forward a little more.

The pegasus gave a little giggle. “No. Not that I know of. I just enjoy making the world a little more magical.” She seemed uncertain to continue her work or to look at me while talking.

“I think I can understand that,” I said. So ponies also can have that sense of wonder, that sort of longing for the unknown, that mysterious, nebulous, ethereal sense you get when staring up at the stars on a quiet night, or walking along in the woods and the sunlight hits the right place at just the right moment as the wind blows through scattering the leaves to and fro.

But back to the matter at hoof. “Um, I’m actually looking for my friends. One of them’s Sunset Shimmer. Maybe you know her? And the other’s a grey earth pony.”

“Oh, I actually did see them not too long ago. I saw Sunset talking with a stallion. I think they mentioned something about Fluttershy,” said the pegasus.

“Yes! If they went to Fluttershy’s even without me… can you tell me which way to her cottage?”

“Mmhm,” said the pegasus. “Just walk along the outskirt of the forest until you come across a dirt path. Take the path, and not too far it will be right there. If you come to the big red house with the heart-shaped window–you’ve gone too far. Most ponies stay away from there, so I would turn around pretty quickly if I were you.”

“How come?” I asked.

“A strange mare lives there. The others say she’s batty. Had a hole drilled through her hoof. Odd things happen around her, and she has a cutie mark that moves, making faces at you. Honestly, a lot of it is probably just rumors, but either way, I wouldn’t recommend lingering. Particularly since it’s so far out in the forest.”

I made a face. A hole through her hoof?! I didn’t know that was possible. The image of a pony version of the old lady who lives in the haunted house at the end of the street jumped into my mind- the one the children speak in hushed voices as they pass, and the curtains seem to move funny, but only when you look at them with the corner of your eyes. So basically she’s just some sort of misunderstood crazy hermit with a dead rich husband? Got it.

“Thank you!” I told the pegasus with a little wave.

She gave me another, “Mmhm!” and went back to her fairy house while I took off along the Everfree Forest.

One of the many things about being a pony I was happy with was being able to gallop. At first, I only meant to trot; there was no need to go full speed. But the mere joy of moving so fast… soon I was galloping as fast as I could. Almost like being a child again; to just run for the sake of running. I was faster than I was as a human, and I had been quite fast before.

The wind in my mane as the curls bounced… and my tail bobbing up and down… Each hoof felt like it had a spring on it. The sides of my vision blurred, but I could still focus straight ahead of me. The cool air smacked against my face–I was grinning. This was fun. I was having FUN.

I stopped once I came to a lightly maintained path. Odd, my breathing wasn’t even ragged. For a moment, I worried that the pegasus from earlier might have forgotten to mention that there was another dirt pathway into the forest. Though, Zecora’s hut didn’t even have a maintained path, did it? Why’d she still live out in the middle of Everfree, anyway? The ponies accepted her now, wouldn’t she feel safer in Ponyville? But I suppose the Everfree gives her better access to herbs for her potions. And maybe she prefers to be alone?

Bird song rang overhead. The trees seemed to not be as menacing in this part of the forest. I suppose that makes sense; it’s safe enough for at least two ponies to live by. Maybe even Zecora actually lives along the same route, just deeper in.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. Focus, Felicia. The air smelt wonderful. The scent of tree and dew, but sharper than I had ever tasted before. There was a river nearby, in the forest. I could smell it. I opened my eyes and then took a step onto the road into the Everfree Forest.

This time, I walked, meandering along the path, scanning my surroundings. Squirrels. Birds. Twigs. Butterflies. Maybe I don’t have anything to worry about. The walk quickly became boring. But I still can’t see behind the trees. And any thorn or vine could be evil. A hoof tripped over a small rock. Oddly, I didn’t stumble. Just… a momentary surprise, and I kept moving. No loss of balance. Benefits of four legs, I guess.

I stared down at my hooves. They looked exactly as they did on the show– two little circular pastel blue stubs. Impossible to discern any difference between them and the rest of the leg. If the ponies didn’t refer to them as hooves, I might even think that they weren’t hooves at all.

But now I know better. The ends of my feet were hard, and lacked any fur. I stopped momentarily and tapped on one hoof with the corner of another. Yep, hard. Cartilage. But underneath, most of it was softer. I rose the hoof to my face, examining. And I could see it.

It was subtle. Impossible to notice unless you were looking for it, and up close. But there was a line separating where my leg ended, and my hoof began. I could even make out the texture difference between the two. I moved the hoof away, and the colors merged back together, so I couldn’t see the difference anymore. And I moved it back to my face, but this time to look at the underside.

I had no clue what the underside of a horse’s hoof was supposed to look like, but I could make out something like a triangle. The base of it started at the back of my hoof, and the point ended about in the center. By now, I was sitting down and comparing my forehooves. Both were the same. The ridge of my hooves stuck out further than the soles did, almost as though they were cookie cutters.

But how do I hold something? I closed my eyes and tried to remember that feeling from earlier. That freedom when Ember pulled the ice cream scooper from me. Yes, that, right there… move. Move.

Something happened. Yes, yes, right there! But how? What? I opened my eyes and inspected the hoof again. The wall of my hoof was moving. The sight weirded me out momentarily; it’s not everyday you see a part of yourself move that you didn’t know you could move. It was like a boat rudder, or the wings of a plane, but circular. I moved them in, and out. Out was resting. In… in was a grip!

I held my breath as I brought a hoof down, searching. There! A rock! Just the right size. I hovered the hoof over it, and lightly pressed into it. I felt it; hard, with a few jaded edges. But smooth on one side. And… grip. And… slowly, lift.

The rock lifted up into the air, attached to my hoof.

I DID IT!

I’m holding a rock! I’m holding a rock! I hopped up and down with three legs and let out a girlish squee.

Okay, now to let go. Can I let go? Focus… relax… the rock clattered to the ground.

Again, I hopped up and down, giving out more squees!

“Chichiwheklblah!” I babbled in glee, shaking my forelegs like a maniac. “I can hold a rock! Teeeheeeeee!”

I spent the next few minutes prancing along the trail, constantly picking up random rocks and twigs before dropping back to the ground. I could even hold things with my hindlegs! Not that it was very useful.

Fluttershy’s Cottage! I’d know that green roof anywhere! Just like a hobbit hole!

“I’m going to see Fluttershy! I’m going to see Fluttershy!” I cheered in singsong as I bounded over to it.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Silence spilled out into the clearing. Something was wrong.

Broken birdhouses lay scattered and hewn about the ground. Every window was smashed open, the sunlight skipping off the shards. Her rusty red round door was twisted off the hinges, barely even attached to the cottage. Inside was dark, but I could just barely make out a couch fallen over, something that looked like snapped wood.

Silence spilled out into the clearing, and into my panicked heart.

Author's Note

Note on the bit about cartilage: A horse's hoof wall is actually made out of keratin. However, Lilyheart doesn't know that here, and there's nopony around to correct her.

Cameos!! This chapter we have Sparkly sparks' tentatively named Star Dust as the reading grey foal. The helpful pegasus is u/Naki____'s Emilllirilis! Lastly, we finally have a reference to JetBlack's Heartbreak as the odd mare that lives at the end of the forest!

Editors: PandoraFox, Rainy Skies, Ashel, what would I do without you ponies? (Probably whine a lot and cry miserably)

I had the vision of this cliffhanger in my head for the past four or five months- from something like ten chapters ago. It's so exciting to finally get to it! ~~Now, wait patiently over the six months before I resolve it.~~

Merry Christmas, everypony!