Chapters (Thank You to Im the Number 4 for editing)
"She cleans them with... Wubs..."
Twilight Sparkle
Happy
That is how I felt on this particular day, it was Sunday, the library was neat and orderly and no disasters had happened this week. Spike was napping, I was reading, and everything was, dare I say; peaceful. Oh but I'm getting ahead of myself, let me introduce myself before I tell you this tale, I am Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia,caretaker of the Golden Oaks Library and the Element of Magic. I've been living in Ponyville for three years studying the magic of friendship for the princess and I couldn't be happier!
Now as I was saying, I was busying myself with a book, ‘The Many Creatures of the forest and you!’, minding my own business and taking down notes when a loud belching noise caught my attention. I assumed it was just the princess sending in a thank you letter for one of the many reports I had sent her about the trip Crystal Empire, but my assumption was cut down like an oak tree at the mercy of a lumber-ponie’s axe when Spike read the leader aloud in a groggy tone of voice.
Hiya Cousin!
Oh no, oh please no, no Celestia it can't be, how'd she get Spike's spell frequency?!
Its me Vinyl Scratch, How Ya doin? I'm doing great! DJ gig is doing well and Tavi's good, I'm just writing to tell ya that I'll be coming down to Ponyville for a visit.
Auntie Velvet told me that nopony has been down to visit you and that I should go, and since the gig at Little Shiny’s wedding gave me so many bits to splurge (Princess Luna loved my music so much she gave me a bonus!), I finally have the free-time to do it!
Aunty told me that I should ask you for a place to stay and told me to send a letter in advance in order to give you, as she put it, "enough time to prepare". So how bout it Twily? Mind if Ol' Vinyl comes down and stays with you for about a week or two? It'll be just like old times! I should be down there in two days!
Signed
Vinyl "DJ-Pon3" Scratch
PS. Shiny gave me the spell to send messages to Spike, he thought I should keep in touch with you.
Spike looked over at me as he rolled the scroll back up, looking confused and asked, "Vinyl is coming to stay with us?". He must have noticed the look on my face and sighed "I'll get the fire extinguishers....all of them." he grumbled as he turned to do his job, Celestia bless the little guy.
As Spike went about grabbing all of our fire extinguishers I sat in stunned silence, (I'm pretty sure my eye was twitching) Vinyl Scratch? coming to live in my Library, for a WEEK?!
You may all be wondering two things during this crashing of my psyche, “why is this a big deal?” And “wait a minute Twilight you're related to a famous DJ?” Well let me just feed two parasprites with one cobbler, Yes, I am related the the famous Vinyl Scratch, or DJ-Pon3 as her fans call her.
She is my Uncle Starlight's daughter, Starlight is my mother’s younger brother, and she is older than Shining Armor by a week and thus calls him Little Shiny. The reason this is such a big deal is because, we don't get along very well, I love her to death don't get me wrong! She's my cousin for the moon’s sake! But the reason we don't get along is because she and I are as opposite as Applejack and Rarity.
She is uproarious, impulsive, relatively lazy, and she treats and cares for her music like it was a filly that needed constant love and attention.
I mean seriously who could ever love something that wasn't alive as much as that!?
I finally snapped out of my trance like state when Spike knocked on my head like a door, he looked at me with a questioning stare "You just questioned how somepony could love something as much as Vin loves her music didn't you?" he crossed his arms over his torso waiting for an answer.
I waved my hoof dismissively at his creepy, yet accurate accusation. "Pff, No Spike. I was merely thinking of how I'm going to handle this." I lied with probably the worst fake smile ever, because Spike wasn't buying it.
"Ya sure Twi, just try not to be a hypocrite," he grumbled. "We all know how much you love your books." He turned around and began placing fire extinguishers around all of the bookshelves, muttering to himself "Just because I burn one book she decides to get fifty of these stupid things...".
How Spike knew what I was thinking is still a mystery to me. I shook it off and decided to dwell on it later. I then looked back at Spike and said "I'm going to go tell the girls about Vinyl, you finish up and don't forget to feed Pee Wee." I turned and left before Spike could reply. I walked through Ponyville determined to get to my destination, Sweet Apple Acres, I had only one thought in my head at the time 'This was going to be a long week.'
I continued down the road, thinking about what I was going to do about Vinyl, when I noticed Applejack who was, as usual, hard at work bucking apples. "Well howdy Twilight!" Applejack yelled over to me, wiping the sweat off her brow. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"
I smiled at her, Applejack would know how to handle this! After all she has cousins she can't stand, like Braeburn,she could give me some tips or maybe a list of things to do when Vinyl gets here!
"Hi Applejack, I'm just coming by to ask you a question and also to get some more apples if that is okay?" She eyed me for a second and then smiled her cheerful smile
"Why of course Twilight, why don't ya'll just come with me and I'll set you up with some fresh bucked apples and we can talk." She turned, picked up the full basket of apples and trotted towards the barn; I followed eagerly hoping she had an answer to my problem.
After we made it to the barn Applejack set down the basket and turned to face me. "Alright just pick out a couple of apples from this here bushel and tell me what's on ya mind Twilight." Applejack said sitting down
I used my magic to inspect the apples as I tried to explain my situation to her, "Umm well you see, I have a cousin..."
Applejack cut me off with a chuckle, "Another relative you ain't mentioned to us?"
I glared back at her. "I already said I was sorry for not mentioning Shining Armor to you all, what more could you want!" I shouted maybe a bit too loudly since Applejack backed away a bit defensively.
She raised her hoofs. "Calm your cows down Twi, I was just joking with ya, now as you were saying?" She smiled and I sighed continuing my explanation.
"Well, this cousin of mine is pretty famous, she is a DJ and...." I would have finished but Applejack decided to cut me off again but this time it was with a guess not a joke.
“Its that fancy Dj-Pon3 lady ain't it." She deadpanned.
I just looked at her for a good few minutes and finally spoke, "Wha...buh....HOW!?!" I stuttered in surprise.
"Well other than the fact that you just confirmed my guess, you said she was a DJ and knowing you the only DJ you'd be related too would be the most fancy and well known one that everypony and their in-laws listen to. Not to mention that she didn't mind at all that you had taken the microphone during that wedding and sang a song for your brother. If she wasn't a relative she would have made you pay for the song; that and she has the same mane and coat color as Shining Armor and she had given him a hug when he left for his Honeymoon." she said that as a fact, not a joke, she looked more annoyed now than I'd seen her before. "And you want my help and know how on how to deal with her, correct?"
I just sat there thinking one thing, 'darn it to the sun Applejack, are you a mind reader or something!' I opened my mouth to say something when Applejack spoke again.
"Yes, Twilight ah’m a mind reader." she still looked serious, oh by the sun and moon she was serious! She started to smile and I knew she was kidding,"Twilight word of warning, you have a look in your eyes when your about to go into full on panic mode, and the fact that you mentioned she was a DJ helped; I mean seriously how many other DJ's do we know!"
'I do not have a look when I'm going into "panic mode"' I thought, and frowned.
"Anyway Twilight, I don't rightly know what the big deal is. Whenever Braeburn or some other member of the Apple clan comes over I just treat them like I treat Macintosh and Applebloom." She paused and looked out to the orchard beyond
"I know that him and I don't see eye to eye on most issues, like how to treat the tree's and what not, but I love him the same. My advice to you Twi is to just treat her like you treat your Ma and Pa, and only hope she don't blow up the library." She smiled, "or comes onto any of yer friends"
I looked at her with a look that could only be described as a "What the buck are you talking about?" look, why would Vinyl come onto anyone of my friends? She was already dating Octavia!
Applejack noticed the look I was giving her, "Ask Pinkie about it when you see her next Twi, even though she was drunk that girl has the memory of an elephant." she snorted
My eyebrow raised as if to question if the mare before me was lying, Pinkie Pie? Drunk? That shouldn't be possible since we made sure to remove all alcohol from our beverages in Ponyville.
I sighed "Is that all you can give me?" I asked desperately. "You must have some other advice for dealing with relatives that you don't share common ground with."
Applejack must have noticed the hopelessness in my eyes and just stood there frowning before talking again.
"I don't have anything to tell you Twi," she said and my spirits dropped, "But I think Rarity might know a bit more about this than I do, judgin’ how Sweetie n her never get along." She offered, instantly lifting my spirits. Of course! Rarity and Sweetie Belle don't see eye to eye on anything! Why hadn't I gone to them first!?
"Thanks AJ, how much do I owe you for the Apples?" I asked looking around for my wallet but then remembered I left it at home....with Spike. I frowned but AJ just kept on smiling.
"Aw shoot Twilight you don't need to pay me, you're like part of the family!" She grinned. "Plus you're gonna need as much food as possible if'n ya gonna keep that cousin oh yours sober and out of everyponies mane." I faced hoofed and she laughed.
I thanked her for the apples and left for home my mind was reeling at what I could do to figure out how to handle my delinquent cousin,when I realized something very important as my library came into my line of sight.....The ground was shaking and the sound of heavy bass music was emanating from my humble home. My eyes widened and I forced myself to run to the door, using my magic I yanked the door off of its hinges and threw it aside like a rag doll. I then remember raising my voice to a level that would have made Luna proud and shouted "WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA'S GOLDEN BEARD ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!!"
The sound of a needle scratching halted the music and everypony turned to face me, my breathing was the only thing that could be heard as the pony with tinted glasses and spiky blue hair smiled at me, then waved at me and said:
"Hey Twilight! Cool party right?" It was at that moment I proceeded to black out.
2:Why we have fire extinguishers(Edited)
(Thank you to RandomBrony99 for editing)
"She really taught me what Friendship could mean that day..... and it was delicious."
Twilight Sparkle
I consider myself out of all of my friends to be the most calm under pressure, and the most level headed. I can solve anything you throw at me, what's that? A giant star bear rampaging through town? Don't worry I'll fix it. A goddess trying to take over the world and plunge it into darkness? Don't worry I'll fix it. A god of chaos and high calorie snack foods that rained down from the sky from cotton candy clouds? I'll fix that too! I am calm and collected most of the time and not many ponies can change that.
But Vinyl isn't a pony, she's a demon from the darkest pits of Tartarus!
I woke up to the sound of music and the never ending beat, laying on my bed, which I must point out was surrounded by every fire extinguisher that I owned. The bed was smoking and the smell of burning cotton and silk reached my nostrils but I wasn't worried about it, I was calm! I mean sure, my insane party and cider obsessed cousin just WALTZ into my home while I was gone and decided to start playing her blasted NOISE in what was supposed to be my peaceful sanctuary of reading, but that is what she does, she's a DJ! I heard a crunching noise that I assumed was the sound of my teeth grinding together, but I, in my eternal calmness didn't let that stop me.
I stood and began to walk towards my bedroom door; the floor beneath me burning with every step.
I paused and took a look at my hooves, they were bright white and seemed to glow with fire and heat, 'OK mental check list: End Vinyl and Pinkie Pie who I assume is a part of this, find out why the floor is burnt, bury Vinyl and Pinkie underneath basement,' I thought calmly as I drew closer to the noise that seemed to make the library house shake and dance with it.
I opened (and by opened I mean exploded) the door and walked out to the party, calmly I might add, and began walking towards Vinyl's DJ stand. The crowd parted looking at me, with expressions of shock and fear on their faces.
I wonder why? I mean I'm calm, sure my hoofs are white but that doesn't really mean anything, All I'm going to do is strangle Vinyl, its not like I'm going to burn the house down or anything!
After passing by some more ponies who I could swear were sweating, I came face to face with Vinyl and stared into her eyes... glasses, things! Narrowing my eyes at her, she was completely oblivious to my being in-front of her as she continued to blast out that annoying sound she called music, pumping her hoof into the air enthusiastically. I easily put a stop to that with a thump to the head.
She squealed in pain and rubbed the burning (I mean that literally not figuratively) bump that now was the back of her head "OW Jeez what.... gives" her eyes widened at the sight of me, her glasses magically lifted off her face she muttered "Twily, umm....do you like the party?" she tried to slouch lower into her chair to make herself look smaller.
I walked forward, completely ignoring that the DJ stand was now being incinerated with every step I took. I grabbed the microphone that was Vinyl's headset and spoke through it my voice echoing through the room, amplified by the speakers, or maybe that was magic.
"Where is Pinkie Pie?" I asked in my always steady voice.
The party goers once again stepped aside revealing the party pony to me, she was in the back devouring the many snack foods that adorned my.... bookshelves!! Remain calm Twilight stay calm you can worry about that later, you have to keep the calm appearance up for the ponies in your home, once they’re gone you can explode as many times as you wish.
My face struggled to stay neutral when I spoke again "Everypony leave." The ponies all began to mumble that the party had only started an hour ago and that they didn't want to leave yet when the room suddenly felt about twenty percent hotter, "NOW!" I had finally lost my cool collected look and my anger seeped through,they all began to run out of the building.
It was then that I noticed Pinkie trying to sneak, and the key word was try, out of my library. Using my magic I grabbed her tail and dangled her upside down before me. Like a cat would with a mouse.
"H-hi Twi-Twilight rocking p-p-party huh?" She stuttered with a scared smile on her face, I wasn't smiling.
"Hello Pinkie," my voice was calm, or it should have been, but with the floor smelling of burning oak I couldn't tell, "Tell me Pinkie, did you plan this... party?" I asked, placing her down next to my hell born cousin.
She nodded "Well ya... I mean I am the party pony for a reason." She hugged Vinyl out of fear, but who could blame her, I'm scary when I'm still level headed after dealing with this.
The heat died down a bit and I smiled a true smile at the two of them "Oh good, I was worried." I looked down at my now lavender hoofs and looked back to Vinyl "Your letter said you'd be here in two days" I said my tone not rising or setting.
Vinyl just nodded stupidly, she looked like Applebloom right after Applejack had found her smuggling cookies out of the cookie jar.
"Well seeing as you're here early," I put my hoof to my chin to contemplate what to do with the two trouble makers, I couldn't kill them that would leave a mess on the floor and Spike would be cleaning for days on end. I thought for a minute and then DING! my smile just got wider and wider as I looked down at the two ponies cowering under me, "I know exactly what you're going to do." I started to laugh, more like cackle but still a laugh nonetheless.
Pinkie and Vinyl just sat there shaking and scared, Vinyl looked at Pinkie and whispered in her ear "It was a pleasure knowing you Pinkie."
Pinkie nodded and hugged Vinyl Scratch tightly "I will miss you Vin! I hope Celestia throws a good 'welcome to the place where ponies go when they die' party"
A few hours later Spike had returned from Rarity's house, apparently he had locked up the library after I had left and went out for a stroll through the town, since it was his day off I couldn't blame him. We were currently engrossed in a game of Chess as Vinyl and Pinkie both scrubbed, sanded, repainted, regrew and re-shelved the library.
"Check" Spike's voice knocked me out of my thoughts I looked down at the board his Archmage (Queen) had just taken mine and now it lay in perfect striking range of my Princess.
I looked up at him in shock "When did you become so good at chess?" I grumbled moving my Paladin (Knight) to protect the Princess.
"The Princess sat me down and taught me about it after the wedding" he moved his Honor Guard (Rook) to take my Paladin. "Check"
I growled and moved a Bishop (Bishop) to stop his Honor Guards advance "Why couldn't she have done the same for me, after all I'm her faithful student!" he shrugged and took my Bishop without much hesitation.
"I think she said something along the lines of, somepony needed to beat you and since you had already beaten her and Luna she needed someone else to do it, and check mate," he grinned.
"What!?" I yelled looking to the board to see that my Princess had been surrounded... Spike had beaten me at chess... me the undefeated champion of chess! Now I knew how Rainbow felt when we showed her up as Mare Do Well. My eyes drifted to the baby dragon who had his claws out and open, his grin had grown into a cocky smile.
"Pay up." I sighed and put a bag full of gems into his claws, he licked his lips and dug in. As he filled himself on the promised gems I looked around my home and smiled, the two had finished and now were sleeping peacefully next to each other.
OK as peacefully as you can get with a caffeinated force of nature and a wubs obsessed DJ. Vinyl was laying spread eagle and every so often would kick the air around her, and Pinkie was laying on the DJ, using her as a makeshift pillow and was drooling..... a lot.
I sighed and placed a blanket on top of the two, I couldn't stay mad at them they had cleaned up the mess and apologized for two hours, which is surprising since Vinyl has a no apology policy... oh by the great Faust above I'm becoming Zecora.
It was then that I saw Spike dragging my old ruined bed out of my room and bringing a new one up to it. I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to come back down, so he could explain something to me.
"Hey Spike," I began "Why were the Fire Extinguishers all placed around my bed and not around the library" I asked him while he walked down the stairs with said canisters of extinguishers in his arms.
He just looked at me and smiled "I just knew it was going to be one of those days, Twilight" he said cryptically as he began putting the devices back where they belonged.
I swear to Celestia's burning prostate that my eye had fallen out from all the twitching it had done that day.
4: Octavia Sized Nuclear Warhead
"I hooked her up with this sweet guy and she totally snuffed him!"
Vinyl Scratch
There are only a few instances in my short twenty two years of life that I have ever been frightened for the wellbeing of not just myself, but Equestria as a whole. The first was when my father found out I was a filly-fooler, the second was when Aunty Velvet found out that he had kicked me out of the house because of my being a filly-fooler, and the most recent was when the awesome power of my wubs disintegrated Octavia's prized cello while she was attempting to tune it.
With that said I was not looking forwards to getting home, The idea of visiting Twilight in Ponyville was a heat of the moment thing, I only said it to get Aunty Velvet to stop being so mopey! So as I took the trek to my apartment in the mildly humid Canterlot air I had to come up with a way to break it to my mare friend that I, the great and all-knowing Vinyl Scratch, was going to visit Ponyville, the town her sister, Pinkamena Diane Pie lives in and the town that Octavia has literally stated shall not be entered by any mare friend of hers or they risk death by stoning.
I entered the apartment with as much silence as I could muster; I thought that if I could be as quiet as possible Tavi wouldn't ask me about my time with Aunt....
"Hello Vinyl," the sound of her voice rung from the kitchen "How was your visit with your Aunt?" she asked walking into my line of sight.
Son of a bitch talking shit monger how'd she hear me come in! I turned to look at my mare friend and smiled trying not to sweat "H...hi Octi, I didn't know you were home" probably the stupidest thing I could have said.
"What do you mean? I have been home this entire time,you were only gone for two hours," Octavia stated pointing to a nearby clock "I was just finishing up lunch, come eat and then we can talk about your time with Aunty Velvet." Octavia had taken to calling Twilight Velvet her aunt ever since she had helped Octavia work up the courage to tell her own parents about us, on a side note it was very surprising to see how alike Velvet and Octavia are when they are freaking out and overreacting, Octavia's parents actually took the news that their second oldest daughter was a filly fooler quite well, the only thing that I could say was a downside to telling her parents was that her father, Clyde threatened me with eternal rock farm duty if I ever broke Tavi's heart.
Stalliongradi Ponies are some of the scariest I’ve ever met, anyway I reached deep inside myself to find the inner awesome that I hold within my soul so I could tell Octavia, my love, the only mare I’ve ever cared about who wasn’t related to me, and the mare of my dreams that I was going to be going to Ponyville; the town she’d burn down in an instant if she was given the godly powers of an alicorn, to visit my cousin.
“Umm Tavi I have something I need to tell you.” I took a sharp inhaling breath to savoir the air before I announced my plans to the mare I love, enjoying the taste and sensation of it filling my lungs for what I thought would be the final time.
Octavia must have smelt the fear emanating off of me, she glared daggers into my very soul as she spoke “Yes Vinyl?” was that her accent coming back? It was! She only lets her Stalliongradi accent slip into her speech if she knew I was going to say or do something stupid!
“Umm….Well you see, I kind of, maybe, promised my aunt that I would go visit Twilight in Ponyville…for a week” I rushed the last part hoping that her ears couldn’t keep up with what I said.
But I was wrong, she had heard everything and her eyes began to twitch, I inhaled deeply as she turned and trotted into the kitchen and began chopping lettuce with a knife; she made sure to make her cuts loud and menacing.
My ears drooped down as I followed my mare friend into the kitchen, against my better judgement might I add. She was still chopping away when I let my voice come out once again “Tavi?” I asked my voice a higher Octave than usual, HA! See what I did there? It was a pun? No? well buck you too, just tryin to lighten the mood a bit before I get murdered.
That was when she decided to release all the pent up rage she had been boiling inside her stew of anger and hatred by turning around and throwing, oh wait no I meant CHUCKING the knife at the side of the kitchen door impaling it into the GRANITE AND STEEL WALL THAT MADE UP OUR HOME! Let me reiterate that, she bucking just pierced a kitchen knife, through a wall, made up of steel and granite! how does a pony, let alone an earth pony do that!?
Stalliongrad eat your Celestia damn heart out, you have created the scariest mother bucker history has ever seen since the short rule of Nightmare moon!
Octavia looked at me as her eye twitched, anger becoming evident as she trotted towards me, ripping the knife from the wall and beginning to speak “Что было, что вы наглый дурачок?(What did you say you little fool?)” her words came out in her native language but I’m pretty sure they were an evil curse directed at me.
“Tavi, I love you and you know I’d never do anything to hurt you, I’m just going to visit Twilight…” I trailed off as the knife edged closer to my throat, by Celestia’s blazing orgasms she really, really hates her sister if she’s getting this mad about me going to Ponyville. It felt as if the sun itself had abandoned my home because the granite and stone felt colder than it should and I think the room’s temperature dropped by ten degrees.
Octavia brought the knife up to my throat and whispered into my ear “So you think that you can get away with leaving me, to go to a town I told you never to go to, and expect me to be perfectly okay with it?” her accent was both attractive and frightening…..what? A pony can have her priorities before death dammit!
I just gulp and nod “ummm yes?” she continued to stare at me for what seemed like an eternity when she got up off me and began trotting back toward the counter.
“Very well, you can go.” And like that the boss battle was over and the world was safe! It was that easy, she went from Stalliongrad KGB agent of destruction, to indifferent loving mare….what?!
“Really?” I’m pretty sure my jaw had unhinged and fallen into the floor by my surprise.
“Yes really, Pinkie Pie and I made up two years ago after the Grand Galloping Gala, we decided to play on your paranoia and fear for a little fun” She smirked at me.
“Play on it? Octavia you chucked a knife through stone!” I shouted at her pointing at the hole in our wall.
“I had to make it convincing didn't I?” she asked with an innocent pout.
“STONE OCTAVIA! BUCKING STONE!” I couldn't get it out of my head, she chucked a knife…wait is that a butter knife? She chucked a knife of some sort through stone! HOW!!!??? I think she broke my brain…Twily told me about the time Pinkie Pie broke her brain…maybe Pies all have the ability to break members of my family…maybe that’s it. Before I could finish my thought Octavia coughed.
“are you quite done thinking? Good because you need to write Twilight a letter before you head off tomorrow” she flicked her tail at me.
“Aww do I have to…” I grumbled “I just got a knife thrown at me, can’t I have time to relax?” I asked with a groan.
She turned to me and winked “If you can finish the letter soon enough and hurry up with your dinner then maybe you’ll get a chance to come…relax.”
That last part sounded sexual….BY CELESTIA’S TEETS IT WAS SEXUAL! I love her…I love her… I love her! I ran into my study (because bitch I have one!) and began jotting down my letter right away, all the while my thoughts went around in circles about that sexy plot of tavis….I think I drooled on the paper, but who cares! With a flash I sent it and went to feast on my prize…if you know what I mean.
“Oh its nothing special, just my BASS CANNON!”
Vinyl Scratch
Now I’d describe everything that had happened in that bedroom with me and my mare in very kinky, juicy, and saucy detail but I have standards and fear for the safety of me and the ever present omniverse; so instead I will just describe what happened after I awoke in Twilights library.
The first thing I noticed was that Pinkie Pie was laying on top of me, which I wouldn’t have minded if I hadn’t felt a sticky wet spot on my leg…Please let that be drool. I pushed her off of me and stood looking around the room, rubbing the sleep from my violet eyes and letting them adjust to the light of the room. It was dark (NO SHIT) and the mess of the previous day’s party had been cleaned up and everything was back in its rightful place.
I trotted around the library home of my youngest cousin and noticed one thing about it; it…was so…BUCKING BORING! Sure it’s probably around five in the morning, but would it kill innocent little no party Twilight Sparkle to get wasted once in a while and come home prancing around saying that she was now an alicorn princess, all the while pissing off a bunch of hairless apes who have been watching her life for the past three years!? IS THAT TO MUCH TO BUCKING ASK!
I was prepared to head back to my sleeping spot on the floor and wait till Twily wakes up when I saw something that literally caused my heart to melt out of my chest. There sleeping on top of the remnants of my half melted bass was my Cousin, a wrench, hammer, and various other tools scattered around her. She had been trying to fix my bass while I slept it was so sweet of her to do….even though she put the speakers where the extra subwoofer was supposed to go but who cares?! It’s the thought that counts by Luna’s glorious plot hole and I thought it was very thoughtful and sweet so you can go buck yourself!
I hefted Twilght onto my back and walked up to her room, placing her on the bed as I magiked (that’s the real word don’t question me I’m a DJ) the blankets to life and tucked her in. After that mission had been accomplished I trotted down stairs and proceeded to continue what Twily had started with my bass.
Strewn around my fallen instrument of wubs were instruction manuals galore, most of them about the basic mechanics of a speaker and how to fix one, I was shocked to even see one that had on the title “how to fix a nearly melted bass and speaker for foals” like seriously? how many times did a pony have to melt a speaker to constitute writing such a book? discarding the manuals I began my work, because only nerds read the manuals.
The lucky part about this was that my bass was already half fixed, it wouldn’t have taken much for me to fix it anyway since complete spiritual incineration wasn't the worst thing that my speakers have to go through in their lifetimes, Old Wubsford the first, the speaker that I was currently working on, had been destroyed by Luna, Octavia, Rainbow Dash, Octavia, and Octavia and now Twilight more times than any of other speakers that I own combined. But the little bastard would survive time and time again so mama Vinyl can fix him up and he can continue on with his siblings in the orchestra of wubs that I play every night.
Time flew by ever so fast as I spent the rest of the night fixing Wubsford, by the time I had finished the sun was already peaking in through the window like Celestia peeks into the fridge when she thinks nopony is looking to snag a slice of cake. I stood on my hooves and observed my handy work, Wubsford was good as new and seemed to glow with an aura of awesome that no pony besides me could comprehend without the risk of your eyes melting from fear, awe and joy all at the same time.
I heard somepony coming down the stairs and turned to look, it was Spike, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked at me with a puzzled expression on his snout "Did you stay up all night?" he asked
"Yah, fixing up Wubsford here took a bit longer than I thought," I cracked the kinks out of my neck and continued "But its not big deal, staying up all night is easy when your a DJ."
Spike just shrugged "If you say so, I'm going to start breakfast would you like to help?" He inquired while he walked into the kitchen
I tapped my hoof to my chin as an Idea came to mind "Actually Spike, why don't I make breakfast, you go get some more sleep I'll wake everypony up when its ready ok?"
Spike looked unsure at first but he smiled and nodded walking back up stairs to his basket.
I turned and trotted to the kitchen using my magic to levitate everything I needed onto the table, Spike was probably the best cook in my family, he had learned from the castle staff at a young age after all how to cook. I once heard from Shining Armor that Twilight rules the library, but the Kitchen is Spike's.
With that in mind the one thing I noticed about the kitchen was that all of the ingredients were fresh, like I just got these yesterday night fresh. Spike doesn't fiddle around when it comes to cooking I guess.
I lit the stove, and began cooking away, I may not be Spike, but dating a Stalliongradi mare teaches you some things that not even a Canterlot raised dragon would know.
Now you might be thinking, why are you cooking food for your cousin who destroyed your speakers and crashed your party? well my dear trilobite, I threw that party without warning and caused Twily alot of unneeded stress, I know when to be nice OK?
With the food cooking and the tea brewing there was only one thing I needed to do, I began the trek upstairs, to wake up my cousin and -gulp- Apologize.
3: Two Days away from Inceneration
"And then she said 'there's no way you could make a dishwasher that cleans dishes with wubs!' And I was like, 'Screw that I'm Vinyl Scratch!'"
Vinyl "DJ-pon3" Scratch
Go visit my cousin for a week! It doesn't sound that bad right?! Visit my cousin, no biggie! I had time to waste and I had plenty of bits to spend! So why did everything have to just utterly EXPLODE LIKE IT DID?! I go to Ponyville for the first time in years and Twilight nearly destroys me, all because she can't take a little WUB WUB WUB! She needs to get laid something fierce, I mean, seriously, that pony is tied up tighter than Octavia was when we first started dating.
Anyway, I've sidetracked enough I'm just gonna tell you who I am, for those of you wub deprived fiends who don't listen to my music, I'm Vinyl Scratch, I make Wub-Step and DJ at nightclubs all across Equestria. I don't really have anything else to say, so I'll just continue on with my narrative.
This started three days ago, the week had gone spectacularly awesome and I was hanging out with my Aunt Twilight Velvet for an even more awesome weekend!
The living area was lit by a fireplace that burned brightly with a deep purple and blue magic fire that seemed to always be alight, a present from Twilight and Shining Armor that signified that they'd always be present in the home, even when away. The many clocks that Night Light, the patriarch of the family collected adorned the room, clicking and ticking as time moved forward.
We were sitting together in her living room and having tea, chatting about the many things that had happened recently from my music, Octavia and how she was doing, Shining's wedding to Cadence, and so forth, but once the conversation reached that point, where we talked about Twilight's move to Ponyville, things got a bit melancholy.
"So how do you think Twilight and Spike are doing?" I asked, stirring my tea with my spoon. Me not being a tea pony, I hadn't touched it and it was probably cold.
Time seemed to stop as I asked the question, the many clocks that adorned the living area of my aunt’s house suddenly silenced, the lavender in the fire seemed to lower to a dim cold bluish purple and I think a pin dropped, that question had caused the life to drain from not just my auntie’s face but the entirety of the house.
Auntie Velvet looked up from the transcript she was writing and just smiled sweetly at me. "Well, from the periodic letters we get from her she seems to be doing alright, and Night Light and I are incredibly happy she has made her own way in the world..." She let the sentence just drag off as she looked back down at her work with a frown.
I didn't know what to say and I didn't want to make her even sadder or more melancholy than she already was, it was clear that Twilight Sparkle was a very touchy subject for her, her husband, and her house, so I changed the subject onto something she'd like to talk about, her book. "So aunty, what's this book about?" I asked with a grin.
She seemed to lighten up a bit, even though the house stayed deader than a doorknob on Hearths Warming day and smiled, not taking her eyes off of the script "Oh, well it's about my main character Daring Doo..." she cut off again, this time more abruptly and she looked up to me, it was then I noticed how old my auntie looked; she had stress lines all across her eyes and a few wrinkles near her mouth and cheeks.
I knew I should have just shut up and enjoyed my tea, I should have just let my Aunt ask her own questions so I wouldn't have had to bring up such a touchy subject, but of course me being Vinyl Scratch, me knowing what I should do and what I actually do don't exactly tie in together.
"You know, I based the character of my series off of one of Twilight's friends and Twilight herself," she explained, using her magic to put the manuscript back in its place.
I brought the tea up to my lips and sipped it, it was cold and I tried to keep my smile up. "Oh?"
"Oh yes, Twilight told me about her Pegasus friend Rainbow Dash and how she was athletic and always pushing herself to be the best, she also told me about how miss Dash was adventurous and looking for danger," She looked at an old picture of Twilight and Spike playing with Cadence and Celestia, a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips.
"I then added in Twilight's brains and problem solving abilities, I tried thinking about all the things Twilight had gone through and used that to mold the character Daring Doo, the build of Miss Dash and the mind of Twilight Sparkle put into one character." I saw a few tears fall onto the picture.
I wanted her to stop talking, I wanted her to just put the photo away and just stop remembering, but I knew she couldn't, she just continued with her words, eyes filled with tears. "I wrote all of my novels that year, Twilight had been in Ponyville you see. Celestia, bless her heart, would send us all of Twilight's letters and reports and we knew that she was happy and healthy." I wanted to get up and hug her, but I let her continue.
"I know it's silly, writing books to help ease the soul and mind, to base a character off of your own daughter to fill that void in your heart that opens up, but it was how I coped with the emptiness of this home, first my son goes off to play soldier," She pointed to the golden armor hanging on a stand, there was no coldness in her voice, only sadness "Like his grandfather and your father before him."
She then pointed to a crown that occupied the space over the fireplace, it was a replica of the Element of Magic made for Twilight's family, as a reminder of what Twilight had accomplished in her relatively short lifetime. "And Twilight goes off to become a hero, and the best sorceress this family has seen since the days of Clover the Clever."
Well I had just learned something new! Aunty Velvet missed her children dearly, and she needs to get a hobby, maybe knitting.
I was caught between a rock and a hard place, what could I, the magnificent and amazing DJ Vinyl Scratch, do to help out my aunt in need? I had to think of something fast or else... and then it hit me! I could go visit Twily for them! get some new info and pictures and stuff and maybe force Twilight to come visit more often! That way Velvet wouldn't be depressed any more or sick with worry and Twilight gets to visit more often, it was brilliant!
So, without thinking my plan completely through, I pounced. "Hey Aunty, I have an idea, why don't I go visit her for ya!" I flashed my world famous 'I'm not bullshitting you smile'. "After all, I've been meaning to go down to Ponyville for a while now, it would be no problem!" I was technically lying, I had no real plans to go down to the little village, the only real reason I could think of for going is to stop her from being sad, but hey she didn't need to know that.
Velvet's mood drastically changed from despair to ecstatic orgasmic happiness the moment I told her that I could visit her daughter in Ponyville "Really?!" She nearly jumped from her seat!
"Ya, it’s not a problem, Aunty," I try and keep my smile from faltering. "I just need to clear it with ‘Tavi and then I'll be in Ponyville lickidy split!"
It was at that exact moment that Twilight Velvet, current matriarch of the house Twilight, decided to take me in her hooves and hug me, crying like a filly fresh out of the womb. "Thank you so much Vinyl, thank you!" By Luna's over-encumbered lunar ovaries she was strong! It felt like a bear was breaking every bone in my body and then repairing them then breaking them again!
"Aunty, squeezing, soul, hurt, stop!" I shouted, trying to get out of my aunt’s bear-like grip, it is thanks to this that I will no longer hug anyone.... ever.
Finally she let go and smiled sheepishly at me, drying her tears "I'm sorry Vinyl dear, its just Oh!" she grabs me into a hug again and begins squeezing "I'm just SOOOOO happy! you have no idea how much this means to me!"
"I... it’s fine!" I push her off of me as gently as I could and try to regain my breath, by the love of Celestia's creamy love juices she was more than strong, she was scary strong! No wonder her kids never misbehaved, they didn't want to receive one of those monstrosities she called a hug!
Is it at all possible for wrinkles to disappear? Is it?! Because I was looking at a totally different pony than my aunt, she looked younger, her wrinkles seemed to vanish and she had a bit more pep in her step as she went about rambling about the many things she wanted me to do and ask when I saw Twily.
"Now I know where Twilight gets her form of crazy," I muttered.
"Ohhh and you'll need to bring plenty of money and..." by the stars above she was still ranting! I hadn't really been paying attention to her until I noticed she had packed gear for me, a HU FREAKIN’ MUNGOUS backpack with almost everything you can think of in it, I think I saw a fireplace, burning peacefully inside.
Thinking quickly I shouted "Aunty! I am perfectly capable of packing my own things, and I think they won't let me take any of this on the train anyway," I used my magic to unpack the backpack while I spoke, "I'll take care of my own packing and everything okay?"
Velvet's face turned beet red when she realized what she had done. "Oh I'm sorry Vinyl, I don't know what came over me, I guess I'm still in mother mode, huh?"
"You have no idea," I mumbled. When I finished unpacking, I turned around to face her. "Now don't you worry your head Aunty, I'll come see you before I leave and I'll write to you when I get to Twilight's house. You just sit and relax okay?"
She looked like she was on the verge of hugging me again, and I really didn't want that to happen, so instead I stood and said "Hey Aunty, I need to go and tell ‘Tavi about my plans, thank you for having me over and I'll see you in a few days okay?" She nodded looking like she was ready to explode from lack of hugs, but I didn't care I just turned and left the home.
After getting out of earshot of my Aunty’s house, my brain finally caved in and fear replaced confidence.
I had a BIG problem on my hooves now, How was I going to make this work? I had the spell frequency that Spike sent his messages through thanks to Shining Armor, but how was I going to tell Octavia that I would be going to Ponyville, the village of her younger sister Pinkie Pie and a place she literally crossed off on ALL of my globes and concert lists, making me promise that I'd never go to the town under promise of painful death if I did.
I would have collapsed then and there out of fear, but I had made a promise to a much scarier mare than Octavia and I needed to keep it, I just needed to come up with an excuse that wouldn't get me killed.
No pressure, right?
6:Why is my house on fire?
Hello this chapter is to tell you all that the spiritual successor to the story is up, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as you did this story and I hope you guys show it the same support. The Life of a Wub Obsessed DJ
