Okay, bronies and ponies. Sit down. It's 2nd person story time!
No, you already did your laundry. Sit down. I promise this'll be good, or at least interesting.
This one isn't even a self insert! Ha. Knew that would bring you back.
… fine, it does have a self insert. I appear in one chapter as a background character. Happy?
Just because it isn't a CYOA [size=7]yet[/size] doesn't mean it is guaranteed to suck.

Some editing credit to Schismatism.
Assistance and/or encouragement and/or potent mostly constructive criticism credit to various ponies on the EQD IRC server and the Fimfiction chat channel.

It is important to note that by the time this story is finished it will probably have all the tags.
Also, it never gets any more violent than Team Fortress 2. Sorry. No Dead Space here.