The Drunken Escapades of Pixel

Did you know, that orange juice makes it to where you can't taste the Vodka? 'Cause it does. It's probably why half the bottle is gone already. Also why I really need to pee. Now usually I don't go anywhere when in knickered, but I can't find the bathroom in the house. So off I went into town, the half filled bottle of Vodka tucked under a wing. The closets house to mine is Fluttershy's. Its a short walk, but the damn trees getting in my way make the trip longer. Fucking trees. Here I am just walking down the street, and a tree jumps out and tackles me. Fucking trees.

Anyway, I make it to Fluttershy's and knock on the door. I hear a small noise, and movement. I knock again, and notice that the door is moving back and forth while i'm standing perfectly still. I put both my front things on it to hold it still. As soon as my hoofs touch the door, it decides to move. As result, I fall forward, and smash my face on the floor. It doesn't hurt.

"A-re you okay, P-pixel?"

I look up to see Fluttershy looking down on me fearfully. I pick myself up, and tell her why i'm here.

"I have to pee!" I yell as I push past her into the house.

She 'eep's.

So adorable.

I then proceed to look for the bathroom. The entire time Fluttershy is talking to me in her usual whispers. I could n't give less of a shit, as the dam is about to burst and flood the nearby village of Fluttershy's carpet. Heh. That sounds like a sex joke. I search the house for awhile, till i find it useless. At this point I decide to leave through the nearby window. As I roll down the hill, and into the stream at the bottom, I realize that the Vodka could have gotten hurt. Taking a quick look under my wing, i see the vodka is fine. But it might taste bad form the fall. I take it out and take a quick swig. Nope. Still tasty.

I am then reminded by the cold water of the stream, that I need to pee something fierce. I pick myself up, and walk out of the stream. I get back on the road, as I hear the faint sound of confused talking, and a buzzing sound. Whatever. Not my problem, I already have one. I shrug and start trotting towards town.

Half way there, a ditch decides to knock me down. As i roll on the ground, I start punching the ground. I'll teach this ditch to trip me! After a few good punches and bucks, I decide that the ditch has had enough. I climbed out of the ditch, which is hard to do when Schlitz'ed. after a few tries, i manage to get back on the road. It doesn't take long to get to town after that.

The first place I come to is the Carousel Boutique. I walk over to the door, and stand at the front door. I pull out my Vodka bottle, and take a long drink. I think Rarity is gorgeous, but she is a bitch. So I need to be a little bit drunker for this. I put the bottle back and knock on the door. I decide to wipe my hooves on the door mat, she is fancy. I stand there for a bit. No one answers the door. This time i pound on the door with both hooves.

"Rarityyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I NEED TO PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LET ME INNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

Again, no response. I growl out a few curse words and walk over the nearest windows. On my way, I pick up a good sized rock. I knock on the window, then smash it with the rock.

"Rarity!? You in there!?" No answer. "Bitch! I am talking to you!"

It was then that I noticed that the lights were turned off on the inside.

"Aw fuck, she's not home."

Pissed off now, I reach into the broken window, and ripped a piece of the curtains off. I pull out my Vodka bottle, and take a big drink of it, then i stuff the ripped curtain in the top off the bottle. I pull out my lighter... I then wonder where the hell the lighter came from. Shrugging, i lit the curtain part on fire, and chuck it through the broken window. I hear the bottle break, then a fwoosh as the entire first floor catches fire.

"Perfume is highly flammable, and you wear to much anyway." I mutter as I turn sideways, and proceed to piss on the wall.

Oh my gods the relief I feel at this moment. After that, I decide that I am sad for wasting the Vodka. Good thing there's a bar down the street. With a smile on my face, I walk towards the street. My pace is hurried by the shouts, and the damn buzzing noise again. I'm not going to jail, I'm too pretty, my but can't take the abuse.

I reach the bar in record time for a drunken fucker. I make my way inside, and the place is empty. Jackpot. I sashay my way over to the bar, and flutter over it. I take notice of a blender right away. I immediately grab a bottle of Vodka and empty it into the blender. Followed by ice and grape juice. I blend that shit at high speed. When i think its done, i turn off the blender. I grab the biggest cup they have, and pour the mixture into it.

A grape Vodka slushie. America.

I stick a silly straw in it, and take a seat on the other side of the bar. Hohmygod is it delicious. 'Merica. Fuck yeah. Half way through, I abandon the straw, and just chug the fucker. Of coarse I feel a brain freeze, but i'm too drunk to care. After the drink is gone, I belch loudly, and chuck the glass at the wall. I then take notice of how loud the buzzing sound has got. I sit on the stool for a bit trying to figure out if I've heard that sound before, I then find out the stool spins. Me fuckin gusta.

I spin the shit out of that chair.

Then the doors to the bar explode inwards. I don't care, this stool fucking spins. Something then grabs me around the waist, and tries to pull me off the stool.

"NO! It spins. let me lone!"

I fight to stay on the stool, but more things grab me and pull me off. Drunken rage activated! My hooves go flyin, and so does whatever grabbed me. After my flail, I look around. A few black things are laying all over the bar. One is embedded in the wall. Awesome sauce. I grab a chair and walk over to the closest one.

"Changelings... that explains the buzzing... whatever..."

I proceed to beat the changelings to death with the chair. Until it breaks. I then grab another one. After dealing with the ones that had pulled me off the stool, i'm still hearing that damn buzzing. I pick up a chair leg in my teeth, and go outside. Holy fuck on a stick, that's allot of changelings.

"Why isn't this one in a cocoon like the others?" Says a creepy double voice.

I turn my head, and Chrysalis is giving me the stick eye. I just smile.

"Hi. I'm drunk, and that's bad for you." I slur around the chair leg.

"Oh?" She asks with a smirk. "And, pray tell, whys that?"

"I'm half germane, half Native american. Both fight better drunk." I laugh out.

All she does is raise an eyebrow, and point at me. All the changelings charge me. All I can remember after this part, is shouting, pain, green blood, pain, hitting things, pain, red blood, pain, and me laughing my ass off. After shit stops spinning, I sit down. It feels weird, what I'm sitting on. I look down to find its the the remains of the Carousel Boutique. Heh, I set that place on fire. I need more drink. I flutter off the rubble, and over to the bar. It's a ruin too. But, a few bottles stick out of the wreckage. I grab a bottle at random, and turn around with a smile. I take one step, then Chrysalis lands in front of me. She looks pissed off.

"You... defeated... all of my drones... Drunk... How..."

"Your pretty." It was all I could think to say.

She stares at me for a bit. Just stands there stock still, staring. I walk over next to her, and sit down. I open the bottle and take a swig. Oh, whiskey. The good kind. I take another bigger swig, and offer a bit to Chrysalis. She turns to look at me, then her but thumps to the ground, she lets out a long sigh, and takes the bottle. We sit there for a bit drinking, till a bright light in the sky comes down and blinds me. then everything gets fuzzy.

I can't make much out, but I can hear talking. Lots of it. I feel myself getting shoved. I look over, and its a guard. I punched that fucker. Then I got picked up by magic, and put in a chariot. Then I pass out.

Oh god, whatever is going on, my dick feels amazing.

I reach out with my hooves and find a mass moving around on top of me. And it feels soooo good. I open my eyes, and i'm greeted by darkness. The mass is still ridding the living hell out of my cock, so i don't really care. The mass on top suddenly stops, and removes itself. I growl a bit in annoyance, than a smaller mass gets on my dick. With a grunt I suddenly flip myself, the mass gives off a startled squeak, I then proceed to rut the mass. A hoof grabs my face, then a tongue enters my mouth. Things go on like this for a bit, until i'm shoved back over. The small mass is removed, and slightly bigger mass, bigger than the first, slides on. What the hell is going on!? Shut up brain.

The three masses keep switching out, till I come. Yay. I pass out again.