The Drunken Escapades of Pixel

Lets see. i'm in a bed. not my bed. My bed isn't this comfortable. Time to see whats goin on. Hey! thats a song.

"And I say hey yeah yeah yeah, whats goin on?"

Ever woke up still drunk? It's awesome. You're awesome. I almost threw up writing this sentence. You know what else? Fuck inhibitions. Fuck you spell check, i can spell. sometimes. Anyway, story. Yeah. Lets get on with that. I roll myself off the bed and land with a thump and yelling fuck, really loud. I untangle myself form the sheets and stand up on my hoofses. Yeah. That's a good word. why the fuck can't spell check see that that is a good word. anyway, I walk myself over to the window, and jump out. I start screaming my lungs out as I fall. Half way down I remember that I have wings. After that, i fly upwards. Once i'm high enough, hehe, i can see that i am in Canterlot. whoopee. I then yell fuck and turn towards home.

After a few hours of fighting clouds that think they're better than me, I make it home. fuck clouds. Anyway, I land at my house and go in. Immediately, i go over to the liquor cabinet, and grab a bottle of vodka. I go to my bedroom, and curl up on the bed, holding the bottle close to my chest. Fuck yeah. Vodka's the shit. It goes with everything. Except Pepsi. That's just horrible. Anyway, I begin to fall asleep, when the fucking door decides to make noise.

With a few fucking shitty cocks growled out, I go to kick the doors ass, tucking the bottle of Vodka under a wing. Once at the door, I punch it. It fucking hurts.

"Hello? I am looking for Pixel, is that you?" Says a creepy double voice.

Wait, I know that voice. I slam the door open and see Chrysalis. What the hell is he doing here? With a shrug, I turn around and walk into the kitchen. I walk over to the table and sit down. Chrysalis sits down with me, and starts to talk. I don't pay attention. Instead, I open up the bottle of Vodka and get ready to take a long swig. I am denied my drink by a green feild of magic yanking my bottle away.

"Give it back!"

"No, we need to talk about what happened last night, and why you jumped out of a window this morning."

"1, I was drunk, 2, I was drunk. Now gimme."

"No. Ugh... you need to come with me."

"Gimme!" I shout as i tackle the Vodka stealing bitch.

WE tussle for a bit, till i guess he remembers, oh yeah, magic. She walks out of my house with me floating behind her in a green haze. The color alone makes me want to puke. Like no, really, I feel like barfing. Then i get dizzy. I don't remember much after that. The next thing I do remember is being dropped on my head on a cobble street.

"Bitch..." I mumble.

"Excuse me." A new voice has appeared.

I bring myself to a sitting position as best I can. My eyes go wide at who is sitting in front of me. Twilight, and the rest of those bitches, Luna, Celestia, and a shit ton of royal guards. You don't have the proper badge to control them past this level.

"Hi. I'm drunk Pixel, give me my vodka and I might do a trick." Drunk me is super smart.

"After the damage you did last night, I don't think so. What I will do is-" I interrupt that bitch. She talks too much.

"Hey... Hey... Hey... Listen. The only damage I remember doing last night... Is throwing a Molotov through the other white one's window."

"I knew it!"

"Your face!" Super smart.

"Settle down my little ponies-"

"Never you cock whoring cunt!"

It was then that a couple of the guards decided to deliver a few golden horse shoes up my ass. Good thing i'm still drunk. Now... the battle was brief, and both sides took casualties, but my pain tolerance while drunk is absurd. So I won by endurance. But i'm pretty sure my wing shouldn't be bent that way. I also shouldn't be playing with it, twisting it back and forth. But it makes me giggle. I hear throw upping sounds, and turn in time to see the blue one pass out in a puddle of her own vomit.

"Hey... that's my schtick." I accuse with a hoof.

"I've had enough of this." Celestia says. Who else would say it? your mom, that's who.

With the tinkle of magic, I find myself hoisted back up magic. The gold color is an improvement.

"No listen to me, and i'll give you your vodka back."

"I can do that." Vodka is srs business, so i cut the shit out.

"Okay, last night you came to town drunk, and stopped Chrysalis' forces by killing nearly all of them. Afterwords, my sister and I showed planning to stop her, only to find you two drinking in front of the remains of Ponyville. Stunned we-"

"Wait a minute." I suddenly get a brain feeling. I look at Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and then I do drunk math. "Ok... last night, i woke up to find myself having awesome sex in the dark with three differently weighing things..."

I look at all their expressions, Luna and Celestia have stone faces, Chrysalis has a slut expression.

"I had sex with you three, didn't I?" Two loud 'no's answer me, and one drawn out sexy 'yes'. Guess who.

"Awesome sauce." I pass out again with a happy face.