The Drunken Escapades of Pixel

"Here we are." Grumbled Thunder Cunt.

And so we were. Two absurdly big wooden doors, with a guard on either side, stand before us. Thunder Cunt walked forward, stomping her hooves all the while, and turned her head to face me. The frown on her face is priceless.

"The princesses are waiting for you on the other side" She turned her head to the guard on the left and gave him a nod. He nodded in return, and both of the guards horns lit, and the door opened. I got one look inside the doors, before a purple flash made my world go dark. After my brain rebooted, my body was giving error messages like crazy. My left foreleg was not connected, my injured wing was giving a 404, and my brain was having trouble processing.

After I clicked the little red X on all the error messages, I activated my eyes. I was upside down, for some reason. I saw a purple unicorn and Celestia were yelling at each other. Wait, internal memory just came back, Twilight Sparkle. Nothing good happens when she or the others are involved. With a small grunt, I roll myself onto my side. Oh look, the error messages are back.

After closing all of those, I take a stack of bread from my inventory, and devour a few loaves. My leg gives off a pop, and my brain reports connection. The 404 error with my wing is resolved, but it is still reporting errors. Now that my injuries were taken care of for now, I look back over at the shouting match... and there are big green eyes two inches from my face.

With a deep inhale through my nose, I kept my shit from being lost.

"Helllooo~." Purred the figure.

"H-hi." Every fiber of my being screamed for me to run, but something kept me from doing so.

"How are you feeling?"

"Um..." I suddenly felt a cold sensation pass through my head, bringing a sense of calm over my body, "Really good..."

"That's good." The eyes pulled back from my face, revealing a tall... very ravishing creature. I felt a dopey smile form across my face. She held a hole filled hoof to her fanged muzzle as she giggled. My dick twitched.

"Chrysalis! What are you doing!?"

The black beauty before me turned her head towards... whatever was going on. I couldn't take my eyes of her. My brain gave me a mental slap. I shook my head, and turned towards the person yelling. It was Celestia, she looked pissed.

"Well, seeing as our mutual acquaintance was awake, and in obvious pain, I decided to help him."

"By seducing him?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not seducing him. That is just a side affect that happens when I use my magic on ponies."

Celestia seemed to relax, but the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I moved my gaze a touch to the right, and I saw a fuming Twilight. Once she noticed I was looking at her, her horn lit up. Out of reflex, I dove to the left. Good thing too. A purple streak struck the ground right where I was standing, blowing a hole and debris everywhere. I hide behind the tall black one, and looked for an exit. I located an open door to the left.

"Fuck this, I'm out!" With that said, I bolted towards the door.

Purple lights flashed all over the place, exploding the room around me. I made it out the door, slammed it behind me, and took off randomly. A loud pop echoed behind me, and the exploding purple arcs came back. I took a random corner, and kept running. This went on for awhile, I would get away, she would teleport, and keep shooting at me. After what seemed like an hour, we somehow ended up in the kitchen. I had ducked into the pantry, she was tearing the door down.

As she kept hitting the door, I backed up fearfully. My but knocked into a shelf behind me, and the sound of bottles clinking together was heard. Turning my head, I saw my saving grace. With a smile, I grabbed like three bottles of vodka.

Outside the pantry...

Twilight Sparkle was hammering away at the door with an overturned cart, a look of pure rage etched on her face. Her mane and tale were both smoking, and her coat had started to turn white. A few pops were heard. Twilight stopped pounding at the door, and turned around to see who it was. Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and her friends were there. Celestia stepped forward. She opened her mouth to talk, before she could say anything, the pantry door exploded outwards. Everyone raised a hoof to shield their face.

"GUESS WHO'S DRUNK!"