Chapters Getting back to her daily life after the princess summit had relieved much of Fluttershy’s nervouscitement and given her the opportunity to partly forget what bothered her after Twilight’s crush on a certain guard pony became apparent. Not everything felt okay yet, but if the soft-spoken pegasus could be patient with others, she thought, she should afford to give herself some time to adjust, too.
Eventually she would get over the fact that she herself could never truly pursue the type of pony she preferred while her friends did, and life would continue as it always had. Maybe, she thought, she’d take Lucky up on his offer to treat her to some hot cocoa one of these days. Maybe she could be like Twilight and have an almost normal relationship. She certainly liked stallions, just not nearly as much as, well.. she stopped herself from dwelling on it further and went back to picking berries for her hungry bear friend.
She couldn’t be expected to feed Harry all the time, and he was well aware of that, but keeping him happy with extra treats and occasional picnics brought Fluttershy a great deal of satisfaction.
Meanwhile, a certain filly stomped away from Carousel Boutique, frustrated to tears with the proprietor of said establishment. Sweetie Belle took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, remembering that a give and take was necessary, but does it have to be so hard?! Sweetie fumed to herself.
Only moments ago, Rarity had, for the fifth time in only five minutes and the twentieth time in under an hour, scolded her for trying to help. She wondered if her older sister remembered anything at all from the letter they wrote together to Princess Celestia on the day of the Sisterhooves Social. At least Rarity had agreed to come camping with her and her friends not too long ago, Sweetie reminded herself. Still, no matter how much she tried to look at the positive, Sweetie felt the need to get away for a bit.
As “fun” as farm labor was, this time, the tiny unicorn thought, maybe she’d try her luck elsewhere. Scootaloo, she remembered, was busy today training with Rainbow Dash, which left her only a couple more likely options to help take her mind off of things. In favor of something more active, (but not as active as Pinkie Pie), the filly chose to forgo the library and Sugar Cube Corner this time and, instead, made her way to the edge of the Everfree Forest.
As she walked, Sweetie reflected back on times she’d spent with the yellow mare that lived there. Once, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Sweetie had all gone together to the spa. Fluttershy had had an unusually open ear and a warmth about her that Sweetie couldn’t help but want more of.
While Rarity had gone on for a half hour about her clients and the daily struggles of keeping up her reputation in Canterlot long distance, Sweetie had seen a side of her sister’s friend that she’d missed during the famous Cutie Mark Crusader sleepover at Fluttershy’s cottage . Fluttershy seemed truly interested in what Sweetie Belle had always thought were some of the most boring and mundane things about her sister’s life.
What surprised her more, though, occurred during the last ten minutes of their visit together. Rather than take her own turn and ignore her friend’s sister as Sweetie Belle expected, Fluttershy had, with a smile so warm it melted her inside just a little, asked her about school, her friends, and crusading. By the end of their pampering at the spa, Sweetie felt as though she’d made a new friend of her foal-sitter. She only wished she’d gotten to know a bit more about Fluttershy, who, ‘til the end, asked for no attention for herself and gave no hint that she was anything but content talking about Sweetie Belle.
To Sweetie Belle, it had seemed almost as if Fluttershy preferred talking to her over her big sister. As one of the cutest fillies in Ponyville, though she’d be embarrassed to admit she knew it, Sweetie was familiar with adoration, and something about Fluttershy’s adoration seemed truly special to her. With this on her mind, by the time she arrived at her foal-sitter’s cottage, Sweetie already had a smile again on her face.
Fluttershy started at the sudden call of the young white filly who found her digging up worms for her birds. A brief second later, she realized who'd called, and her heart stopped racing.
“Oh, Sweetie Belle! It’s just you.”
“Sorry, Fluttershy. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”
Fluttershy dismissed the abrupt intrusion with her usual. “Oh, that's alright.” She quickly found herself smiling in the company of the young filly. Of all days, she thought, the young mare recognized she’d be weaker today. Already, looking down at the adorable smiling foal, she felt herself becoming twitterpated, and she wished such a challenge hadn’t presented itself. No matter. Hopefully it would be quick.
“Is there anything I can do for you, Sweetie?” She always felt a bit odd at first, calling the filly by the same name she used for many of her animal friends.
“Well ...” Sweetie hesitated, not really having thought this through. She noticed the hole Fluttershy had begun to dig and saw Fluttershy looking back at her with a patient smile and eyes that sparkled with the same adoration she remembered. Sweetie Belle let loose a sigh before continuing.
“I just ... sort of need a break from Rarity right now, and I was wondering ... kind of hoping, maybe, you wouldn’t mind if I helped you out, or, well,” she added quickly, “I know I’m not always very good at helping out ...” she looked down, and an unconscious frown began to form on the filly’s face that made Fluttershy’s expression match it, “but maybe I could just watch if you don’t want any help ... please, Fluttershy?” Sweetie’s expression had gone from a frown to pitiful in the time it took her to remember why she’d come to visit.
The pegasus mare would have done far more than grant the filly’s request to see her smile return. Fluttershy steeled herself for a moment, closing her eyes before smiling sweetly once again. This wasn’t going to be as quick as she thought. Her stomach and her heart ached, but there was no pause or hesitation.
“I’d love it if you’d keep me company and lend me a hoof, Sweetie. Certainly!” Sweetie saw the young mare’s sincerity and Fluttershy was gifted with her cheerful smile once more. “But, um,” Fluttershy continued, being the responsible one, “does Rarity know you’re here?”
Sweetie Belle thought for a second. “Well, not exactly, but she does know I stepped out for a bit of fresh air, and, unlike last time we got in an argument, I told her I’d be back later.” Her answer seemed to satisfy Fluttershy, who gave her a little nod.
“So, how can I help, Fluttershy?!” she asked enthusiastically, ready to release the pent-up energy she’d been unable to with Rarity.
“Well, right now, um ...” The briefest pause made it look like the pegasus was considering possible answers. Fluttershy already knew which one she would offer the filly but had needed to recover from a skipped heartbeat. Again, she ached as she’d imagined what could happen.
“Would you mind helping me find some worms for the birds?”
The unicorn agreed instantly. “Where should I start?!”
“Why not try, um ...” again the same ache, “why not try over there, where the soil is darker. Worms seem to like that sort of place, usually.”
Fluttershy couldn't have imagined a better angle from which to admire the digging foal.
Either way, Fluttershy would lose the battle she fought. Between what she wanted for herself and what she wanted for everypony else, she was caught. Could she ever deny the love she felt for others to take something so selfish, so damning, for her own gratification?
Half a minute later, Sweetie struck paydirt. “Oh! Um, Fluttershy ... how do I, uh, collect the worms?” Sweetie looked back to see Fluttershy staring absently at a cloud with a slight blush on her cheeks and muzzle.
“W-well, usually, I just hold them with my mouth, but,” Fluttershy realized how strange that might be for the filly who was unused to holding food for other animals, “I'll go get us a bo—”
Sweetie had made her decision. What was good enough for Fluttershy was good enough for her, and, truth be told, it felt liberating not to be concerned with manners and etiquette. This was the sort of low-impact (lacking apple projectiles) messy business that Sweetie could get into. Even if it was indecent, Sweetie felt like playing in the mud and dirt was healthy.
“Howrf vif?” Sweetie interrupted the yellow mare and blushed a little at not being able to pronounce her consonants correctly.
“That'll be perfect for the new hatchlings around the cottage!” Delicately, the light pink maned pony fluttered over next to the unicorn. “Um,” this time Fluttershy actually had to think, “do you want to give them to the birds yourself, or would you like me to do it?”
Sweetie's expression would have answered her if she hadn't understood her muffled, enthusiastic, “Uee!”
Lifting the filly into the air from behind beneath her front legs, Fluttershy flew her up to the surrounding trees, directing her to drop a few into each nest with baby birds in it and the remaining three into a nest with a particularly large brood. Anticipating Sweetie's next move, Fluttershy turned her away to let her spit out the aftertaste and dirt, and then set the filly on the ground.
“Those baby birds were so cuute!” In Sweetie Belle fashion, her voice rose two octaves on the last word. The little pony jumped up and down excitedly. “Is there anything else I can help with?”
“Um ... Nothing at the moment, actually.”
The truth was that she already needed to take a break. The normally shy pegasus had become a bit flustered. The smell of Sweetie Belle's mane still lingered in her nostrils from carrying her, and her focus on her daily tasks in such a state would be rather difficult.
“Thank you very much for helping, though, Sweetie. You didn't have to hold the worms in your mouth, but, since you fed my birds for me, would you like to join me for some of Zecora's herbal tea and a snack?”
Sweetie nodded, smile bright as ever. “That would be lovely.” It would do her taste buds some good after those worms, she thought.
Suddenly, a realization hit the unicorn. She turned her head and pivoted to glance at her flank, but nothing new appeared. An oh well expression crossed her face briefly before Sweetie again looked back to Fluttershy whom, she noticed, had watched her and now, again, glowed softly with adoration. Their eyes met, and Fluttershy blinked and turned away to walk into her cottage before her features could betray what had crossed her mind.
Sweetie Belle was reminded of how little she knew about the mare beyond her cutie mark story, and, as she followed Fluttershy inside, she determined to find out all she could. It couldn't be that hard with how naturally being a reporter had come to her, she thought. Something that she couldn't put her hoof on intrigued the young filly about how she'd always seen her mature friend behave, and she hoped to get to the bottom of it.
Tea time passed pleasantly. Sweetie had quickly gotten to asking Fluttershy questions as soon as she'd brought a tray with their tea and some cookies from the kitchen back to the living room. The situation caught the shy pegasus off guard, not because she suddenly became the center of attention, or even that her crush was showing an unusual interest in her, but because of how comfortable she felt with the filly.
Fluttershy felt peaceful in conversation like she hadn't since she could ever remember. The nervousness she usually felt about what to say and what was expected of her never surfaced. She could have told the filly anything about herself, and she wouldn't have feared what Sweetie Belle would do or say in response.
So, this is what it's like to feel safe with somepony, she thought.
Sweetie Belle had started with the basics, learning about how Fluttershy liked the princess summit—most she knew already from her sister—what kinds of animals Fluttershy took care of, and what her plans were for the week past and yet to come. Fluttershy let the time pass, unconcerned with what she'd originally planned to do that day, and went to fetch more tea and a couple extra cookies when they ran out.
“Um, Fluttershy ...” When she realized the cookies were once again depleted, Sweetie Belle thought of the time and broke from her current line of questioning—centered on her winged friend's family and former cloud home—to ask something else that she felt, somehow, might be relevant to her investigation. “Am I keeping you from anything right now? I don't want to be a bother.”
Fluttershy thought for a second about the animals she could be taking care of. “Well, before I took my trip to the Crystal Empire, I put a lot of effort into making sure all of my animals were well-stocked with essentials and in good health. I took care of what little there was before you came over and was mostly just, uhm, going the extra mile, you might say.”
Something crossed the mare's features as she spoke. There was more than she was letting on, but, for once, she held back. As focused as Sweetie Belle was on Fluttershy, the strange subtle response didn't escape her, though she didn't know what to make of it. “Are you ... sure?”
Sensing that her half-truth hadn't convinced the foal, Fluttershy hesitated. “Well, it's just—I, umm,” her typical nervousness began to return, but not for any typical reason. She bit her lip a little before going on. “I actually really like talking to you, Sweetie Belle.”
This, Sweetie began to realize, had to be it, what she'd been looking for to begin explaining why Fluttershy seemed special to her. It was Sweetie's turn to be caught off guard, now. Nopony had ever before admitted to enjoying conversation with her. What did it mean? She felt flattered, but—she vocalized the last part of her thought automatically, being in the mode and feeling like she could trust the pegasus not to think she was odd to ask such a question. “Why is that? ... Why—why do you think I'm worth talking to?” The white filly felt herself blush a little at the question.
“W-well.” Fluttershy began to feel her already weakened resolve crumble. She could only endure so much, she told herself. “I, uh, well ...” She thought briefly of confessing the true nature of her feelings, then scolded herself for even considering it. “I guess I think you're more interesting than my animals.” The lie of omission felt bad to her and it showed on her face. Sweetie Belle took it to mean that she might have offended her.
“Oh, Fluttershy, I'm sorry. I mean ... I didn't mean to say I don't like it. It's just, I've ... never really been told that before, and, um ...” Her voice wavered a bit in embarrassment, and Sweetie Belle looked down. Fluttershy blushed to see the filly look so adorably timid but not as much as after what she heard next. “I really like talking to you too,” Sweetie finally admitted.
Saying it felt funny to the little filly, kind of warm and kind of scary at the same time. She looked up to see that Fluttershy's face was a shade pinker than she remembered and that she, too, had looked down. “Is ... is that weird?” Sweetie hoped she hadn't just committed a social foe paw, whatever that meant. Having Rarity for a sister made her more conscious than most foals in the realm of social etiquette.
“No! Of course not!” Fluttershy's exclamation came softly, but to her it seemed too loud. “I'm sorry. I mean, it makes me really happy to hear you say that Sweetie. I—” She shouldn't say it. She felt enough like a monster for ogling Sweetie earlier when her back was turned and for not making up an excuse to send her away sooner. She would only be inviting more self-loathing down the road.
She said it anyway.
“I'd really like it if you came by more often.”
Despite the fact that Fluttershy was the kindest pony she knew, Sweetie had, out of habit, prepared herself for rejection. When the opposite came, an extra wide smile spread across the little unicorn's face. “Really?!” Sweetie's voice cracked on the upward pitch.
“Yes. Really.” Fluttershy stated simply to keep from stammering.
She couldn't help but be a bit overwhelmed by how it felt to actually hear and see the filly of her fantasies be pleased at the thought of spending time together. There were so many conflicting hopes and emotions.
Sweetie Belle positively beamed in response. “Is it okay if I come over tomorrow too, then?!”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Oh, it'll be so much fun! And I promise I won't get in your way ... at least not too much.” The little filly squeed modestly, knowing from repeat failures with Rarity that she probably wouldn't be able to stay out of the way entirely.
“It'll be no trouble at all, Sweetie Belle, as long as you don't mind waiting for me while I take care of some chores.” The pegasus beamed back at her younger friend.
“Um ... if it's the same to you, do you think I could maybe, um ... help you with the chores? I think I might be more useful here helping than I would be if I just waited or tried to help Rarity out.” Her smile turned a bit anxious at the thought.
“I'll tell you what. If you come over early, I'll let you feed the chickens and their new baby chicks, and I'll show you how to help with whatever you'd like.”
It sounded too good to be true. The filly nodded enthusiastically. “That would be so great! I'll be sure to let Rarity know I'll be spending the whole day here! Uh ...” She realized she'd gotten ahead of herself. “I mean, if that's also okay with you.”
“I—” The pegasus was becoming as excited as her filly counterpart now. “I'd love it if you did! But you won't miss out on your crusading or time with your sister, will you?”
“Nope! Rarity has orders to fill, as usual, and Scootaloo is spending today and tomorrow training with Rainbow Dash. I'm not really sure what Apple Bloom is up to, but I think I'd rather not get roped into catching rotten apples with her again.” Sweetie Belle's eyes lit with excitement once more as she quickly moved past that thought. “So it's settled!” Fluttershy nodded brightly in response.
A moment of contented silence, and the unicorn thought back to what they'd been discussing before they were sidetracked. Despite her breakthrough, there were still many questions she wanted to ask. Sweetie Belle found the young pegasus mare uniquely interesting, after all. So the two whittled away the afternoon and early evening talking, now even more fluidly, about a bit of everything and nothing, from their favorite colors and how they preferred to use them to what their dreams had been like lately or what stunts Rainbow Dash might try to teach Scootaloo.
Time flew by faster than either of them realized until Angel Bunny approached, tapping a pocket watch impatiently at Fluttershy.
“Well,” Sweetie Belle sighed. “I should get going before Rarity worries about me.”
Fluttershy nodded and got to her hooves. “I should take care of some things now, and you don't want to be late for dinner.” Fluttershy saw the look of disappointment on Sweetie Belle's face and felt the same. The afternoon had passed so quickly. “There's still tomorrow, though. We'll be able to talk plenty, then!”
Fluttershy approached the filly and placed a hoof on her shoulder. Side-by-side they walked to the front door, hugged, and parted ways, smiling in anticipation of spending more time together.
As she went about her evening chores, Fluttershy thought about everything she would do tomorrow to make the day fun and educational for the little filly and give them plenty of time to bond. When the time came to feed Angel Bunny his evening salad, Fluttershy noticed him waiting a bit more patiently than usual with a serious expression.
What happened earlier, he knew, was not quite as innocent as it appeared. Fluttershy could tell what was on his mind, and she sighed as she placed Angel's salad in front of him.
“Oh, Angel, you're right!”
The bunny began to nibble hungrily, but continued to listen to his owner's plight. One of the advantages of talking to animals was that they were very good listeners in a pinch, and Angel Bunny cared a great deal in return for his caretaker, even when he sometimes felt she was being a nitwit.
Fluttershy sat pensively, watching Angel as he dove in, then sighed again. “What am I going to do, Angel?”
To the soft inquiry Angel looked up, finishing a slice of cucumber. Silently he frowned, concerned.
Fluttershy examined the possibilities again. Surely she wouldn't lose her self-control so easily, but... “You know there've been times I've done things I’ve ... regretted,” her voice quivered. Still, it hadn't been with other ponies, she thought. She wouldn't allow herself to make advances on the filly. That would be reckless beyond reckless, but, “What if she and I get very close? Maybe I won't be able to stop myself.” She bit her lip, her eyes full of worry. Could she resolve, then, not to get too close to Sweetie Belle? The thought pained her deeply. She felt desperate to be loved that way by one she could trust.
“Angel, I'm in love, and ...” she lowered herself to lie on the floor, hiding her eyes behind her forelegs and whispering, too ashamed to say it at full volume, “I'm afraid I'm too weak to either leave her alone or to keep from doing something terrible.”
It would all be much easier, of course, if she could be happy with a stallion. Trust seemed to be the key she'd never found with any of the ponies who'd approached her. She feared they wouldn't accept her for who she was beneath her timid facade—how desperate she felt for affection, how shamefully selfish she believed she was to wish for somepony to take care of her for as long as she lived while she, herself, was so flawed. Couples all over appeared to be able to find happiness, and they, she thought, deserved it, so why couldn't she just be normal, like them? Nopony was perfect, right? So why should she expect herself to be in order to have a fulfilling relationship?
They'll do worse than laugh at me, she thought. If I told even the closest of my friends what goes through my mind, would any of them understand? The risk, she decided, was unbearable unless she knew beforehoof whether they'd accept her. She was likely wrong to hide this way. She let fear control her, regardless, because she knew it better than the courage needed to pick herself up if she failed, even if that fear left her feeling stifled and terribly alone. As long as her attraction hinged on the beauty and innocence of foals, and as long as it was unrealistic to hope for a foal companion, she saw no likely end to her isolation.
Throughout adolescence, a filly of high ideals, Fluttershy made a spirited effort to fight fear with faith. Her life had been full of miracles small and great back then; rebirth had given her new purity, hope that some day she'd meet her special somepony and not have to be ashamed of her foalish indiscretion. Though still poignant, loneliness had been manageable while she still hoped that she could grow away from her uncommon obsession with younger foals. When her vice had reappeared and faith alone was unable to cure her, she'd known the right thing was to throw herself into action. Christ helps those who help themselves, after all, she believed. When she'd given herself to prayer, fasting, study, and service, her burning lust didn't end, however. She blamed only herself. If only she'd tried harder, she thought.
Miracle or not, she would keep trying if it took her whole life. Every lurid mistake, every cloying fantasy, only left her feeling broken afterward, regretting yet craving more. Selflessness, enduring kindness, divine love—these were the antidote, water to a parched soul. Now, as she invited both temptation and companionship into her home with Sweetie Belle, she asked herself, which was she really after—poison or remedy? Could she temper her infatuation with self control, or was it a lost cause as all of her other attempts to change seemed to have been?
Perhaps Celestia would pity her and cast a spell to fix her. This thought had crossed her mind many times. When she'd gotten to know Twilight, pupil of the most wise and powerful magic wielder in Equestria, Fluttershy's hopes had been raised that she might at least find out whether it was possible, but she never knew quite how to bring it up. Once, when watching Twilight practice her magic, Fluttershy had managed to ask under the pretense that she was simply impressed whether there was anything magic couldn't do. Twilight had launched into an explanation that only another scholar would likely be able to decipher, and, when Fluttershy's confusion became apparent, Twilight had given her an embarrassed smile and simply said, “Basically, it depends. The short answer is yes.”
Still, Fluttershy's own observations of what Twilight could do had taught her some things. Twilight, for example, had accidentally changed her friends' destinies not too long ago, a feat somewhat similar to what she wished for, but it had made them all miserable until the gifted unicorn discovered a way to change them back. Twilight had also attempted to prepare reforming spells to use on Discord and, presumably, change how he behaved, but, if that method would have worked, then why had the princess chosen Fluttershy to reform him? Finally, at the beginning of their friendship, Fluttershy herself had been a part of the intense magic that changed Princess Luna from evil to good, but the Elements of Harmony, it seemed to Fluttershy, didn't always work that way. If the elements could be used on Fluttershy, she didn't want to end up trapped in stone or the moon. Any possible magical cure for Fluttershy's problem seemed fraught with uncertainty, and asking would only raise suspicion, which the vulnerable yellow mare wished to avoid at almost any cost.
She believed there had to be hope, but waiting for an answer hurt.
Thinking had made the winged mare tired.
In the meantime Angel had finished his dinner and hopped over to keep her close company. It felt better to have his small soft body next to hers. Her mind drifted at the thought of 'small soft body' until she snapped herself back. There was still plenty of preparation to be done before tomorrow. Whether or not it was wise, the mare accepted that, at least tomorrow and maybe a bit longer, she would have company. Maybe, she hoped, just maybe she was stronger than she gave herself credit for.
Later that night, Sweetie Belle lay tucked in bed upstairs at the Carousel Boutique, reflecting on her day.
Despite the earlier friction between her and her sister, the two made amends without any trouble. Rarity had apologized for being so short with her, and Sweetie forgave her quickly. It was a good thing, after all, that she'd gone to spend some time away. Rarity seemed a bit relieved, as well, that Sweetie Belle wanted to spend the day with Fluttershy tomorrow. Things had worked out well for everypony, it seemed.
The little unicorn replayed various parts of the conversation she and Fluttershy had had in her mind. Fluttershy liked talking to her. ... She, Sweetie Belle, was interesting. She didn't know why, but, if “interesting” meant that Fluttershy liked her enough to spend time with her and be the big sister that Rarity couldn't be sometimes, then she thought herself very lucky.
The little filly's dreams were filled with visions of baby animals and a warmly smiling pegasus.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 22 January 2015
Thanks for your comments so far. They've helped me stay motivated.
Edit - 12/25/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and detailSetokaiva for the follow-up proofreading.
Fluttershy awoke to the gentle rise and fall of her lover's breathing. Holding her gave her such immense satisfaction, brought her so much peace. She couldn't imagine ever wanting to let go. Beneath the sheets the pegasus slowly extended her wing to envelop the foal's upper body. Every bit of additional contact increased her happiness exponentially. The moist feeling returned that always came to her eyes when she was this happy, and, wanting nothing more than to be even closer, Fluttershy gently drew her tail over the filly's flank. Fluttershy focused her sense of touch, of sound, of smell to memorize every bit of what was happening in that moment, to carve everything, especially the peace she felt, deep into her memory. She'd call upon it when days were long or conflicts grim and take strength that she wouldn't otherwise ever be capable of, to draw courage greater than what it had taken to stare down a gigantic red dragon. This was her happy place, her safe place.
Barely enough time had passed, and Sweetie Belle began to stir within Fluttershy's supernal embrace. Her breathing changed, and, wordlessly, she rotated, turned from facing away to meet the eyes of the one she loved. She returned her embrace and kissed her once softly on the lips. Sweetie paused to let the sensation soak in then kissed her again and again more passionately. With shuddering breaths between them, Fluttershy felt Sweetie retract her back hooves and draw her swirled tail beneath her to make contact with the thigh on which the affectionate pegasus lay. Their lips parted and rejoined again. Sweetie drew her tail up and down Fluttershy's thigh, moving it between and around them while the pegasus lovingly stroked Sweetie's flank with hers, moving back and between her legs gradually. Their mouths opened, and Fluttershy finally tasted the unicorn's smaller tongue. Her relief at finally being inside the filly again was like a cool drink of water in a parched desert.
Full of desire, her expression tense, Fluttershy drew the small warm body in tighter and spread her hind legs. “Oh, Sweetie Belle,” she cooed softly.
Completely absorbed in the fantasy she'd chosen the night before to relieve herself before the challenge she would face today, the pegasus heard nothing when her friend, trying to be considerate of any animals that might be easily frightened, knocked lightly at the front door. No good, the unicorn thought. Fortunately her second attempt was heard. Abruptly, Fluttershy snapped back to reality and stopped what she was in the middle of doing.
Oh dear, oh dear! she thought to herself. Could Sweetie Belle have arrived so early? With a deep breath and a disappointed sigh, the young mare prepared herself quickly to receive her guest. A tissue and a few quick brush strokes later, Fluttershy fluttered downstairs and opened the door. To her surprise, she found Twilight waiting for her outside. “Oh, Twilight!” Fluttershy couldn’t help but be happy despite the interruption to see her dear friend. “Come in, please.”
“Good morning, Fluttershy!” The purple mare began. “I’m sorry to come over so early unannounced, but with how busy things have been lately, it’s been almost impossible to fit everything into my schedule. I hope I didn’t wake you!” Noticing a few stray strands of hair in her friend’s mane leftover from sleep, the winged unicorn smiled apologetically as she entered the cottage.
“Oh, I see! Well, uh ... It’s okay. Actually, I’m expecting Sweetie Belle soon, so I was planning on getting an early start anyway, I guess.” Fluttershy looked down in case any trace of her white lie could be detected on her face.
“Oh! How nice! Well, I’ll try not to keep you, then. Are you foal-sitting for Rarity again?” The two friends took a seat in the living room.
“Not exactly. Sweetie Belle visited yesterday when she said she wanted some time away from the boutique.” The yellow mare giggled softly. “You know how stressful it can get when Rarity has orders to fill. And, well, Sweetie and I thought it might be fun, and, um ... give Rarity some extra space if I took Sweetie under my wing for the day.”
Twilight chuckled with her friend and looked at her with sincere admiration. “Wow! And even after the havoc the crusaders caused last time!” Twilight chuckled again. “You really are the kindest pony I know.” Fluttershy wanted to object. It had only been difficult last time because the three were together. Sweetie by herself was an entirely different filly than she was in the company of her friends. Instead, Fluttershy simply blushed and smiled briefly at the compliment before she remembered the other part of her motivation. At that, she couldn’t help but frown a little. Twilight, observing closely now, noticed something off.
“Well,” the purple pony began “I’ve been meaning to come by because, on the morning of the princess summit, it sort of seemed like something was bothering you, and, well ...” the princess of friendship gave the pegasus her most sympathetic smile, “right now, actually, it kind of seems like something is bothering you, Fluttershy.”
The pegasus didn’t know how to react. She was rather surprised to learn that Twilight paid such close attention to her. Seconds passed while, with a nervous gaze and a small frown, Fluttershy examined her floor, trying to decide whether to downplay her recent struggles or to open up to her concerned friend. “W-well ...” Fluttershy coughed nervously. She trusted Twilight more than any other pony except maybe Rainbow Dash, and the new princess was certainly one whom she thought might better understand her difficulty than most.
The timid pegasus decided that she should rely on her friend. Even if she couldn’t bring herself to explain everything, she felt she’d be able to, at least in general terms, explain what had bothered her. She certainly wanted the help, whether or not she thought she could bring herself to accept it.
“It’s just,” she sighed. “I’ve always, um—I really admire how—” She shouldn’t bring up Twilight’s potential relationship, she decided, “—how social you and our friends are.” She thought how best to say what she was thinking, and Twilight waited patiently. “I mean, well, friendship just comes so naturally to you, but for me, even though I have neighbors and friends in Ponyville, I’m not really good at being, um ... open. I’m really happy, Twilight, that you were able to fit in so easily, even in an entirely different world, or, well, maybe ‘easily’ isn’t the right word, you know, but if Cadence is the princess of the Crystal Heart and of love, then I think of you as the princess of magic and friendship.” Fluttershy caught herself rambling and rubbed her neck in embarrassment. “Um ... what I mean to say is that I’ve always been happy to spend most of my time with my animal friends, b-but—” the next part came with difficulty for the shy pony “—having pony friends is even nicer, and ...” The young mare paused for what felt like a long time.
“Yes?” Twilight gently encouraged.
Fluttershy seemed to have hit a wall. She wasn’t sure how to go further without explaining her need for a more intimate relationship than typical friendship could provide. She attempted to anyway. “Do you—or have you ever felt lonely, even though you have really close friends, Twilight?”
Twilight thought the question over. It was normal to feel lonely sometimes, she thought. In fact, it was something she felt often herself, but was that typical loneliness the same thing that Fluttershy seemed to be worrying about? “Yes. I think I know what you’re talking about. Do you mean, like, wishing you had a very special somepony?”
Fluttershy’s eyes shifted nervously, but she nodded. “Um well, yes, or at least sort of. ... It’s just, I don’t think that I’m the sort of pony who, well ... who can have that sort of relationship.”
Twilight’s expression changed from one of concern to realization. “So you’re lonely, and you’re worried that you won’t be able to find a very special somepony?”
“Well, um ... kind of. I mean, I think stallions like me, usually. It’s hard not to recognize that when you’ve been a model”—Fluttershy visibly wilted and grimaced at the memory—“and I know stallions who are friendly enough and who might like me maybe, in a romantic sort of way. I don't mean that I'm too shy to say yes when they ask, even though that's part of it, really. I—” another sigh and a pause. Fluttershy suddenly felt it building, the pain she'd endured so long surfacing. “Oh Twilight!” Her features twisted. She genuinely wanted to say what was on her mind, but it was much harder than she thought to open herself, even to Twilight. “I don't know ... if I can say what I really want to say!” Her pain was spilling over. Fluttershy began to break down. Turning her head and covering her face with a foreleg so that Twilight couldn't see her tears, the pony began to weep softly but bitterly.
Twilight was taken aback. She'd known something seemed wrong, but, had she known how much her friend needed her, she'd have cleared her schedule yesterday to help. Friends always came first, a lesson she was proud to have learned from masters of loyalty and generosity. Compelled by compassion, Twilight rose from her seat and trotted quickly to Fluttershy's side, placing her foreleg around her. “Fluttershy, I—” Twilight choked up seeing the kindest pony she knew suffer “—I'm here. You can tell me anything!”
Fluttershy took Twilight's shoulder gratefully. “Th-thank you—Twilight,” her speech broken by sobs, “but I—I'm scared!——I've never—never told anypony before.”
Twilight wrapped both forelegs around her now and squeezed more firmly. Stroking between her wings, she comforted her. “We're best friends, Fluttershy. If you tell me ... if you let me help you, I'll do everything in my power to fix whatever's wrong.” She meant it absolutely.
Fluttershy truly did feel comforted. The waterworks slowed, but she couldn’t stop them. “I—I know you'd do anything to help a friend, Twilight—I'm just afraid that if I tell you, that—maybe—maybe you'll ...” More than just her re-intensified sobs prevented the pegasus from saying what she was thinking. She couldn't tell her, maybe you'll be forced not to be my friend anymore. It would only make her assume the worst—maybe she would assume correctly, Fluttershy thought—and the desperate pony didn't want to alienate her friend like that, now of all times especially. The yellow pony could think of nothing to say, so she allowed herself to sob harder.
Minutes passed, and Fluttershy's crying eventually ebbed and halted. Fluttershy pulled away to blow her nose then looked back at Twilight. “Oh—” hic “—I'm sorry. I got your shoulder wet.”
“No, no. It's nothing Fluttershy.” Twilight wiped the mist from her own eyes and sniffled lightly. Fluttershy took a couple of calming breaths, and, for several seconds, looked down, allowing herself to relax. Whatever the trouble was, Twilight felt it best to continue waiting for Fluttershy to say what she had to say. The mare in front of her had enough of a time communicating even when she wasn't so upset.
Finally, Fluttershy spoke, again in control of herself. “I'm also sorry I caused you grief, and ... I'm sorry again because, well ...” Fluttershy's expression hardened subtly, “I can't say what's bothering me.”
Twilight's natural propensity to worry gnawed at her. “But—but why?”
The answer seemed clear to Fluttershy, though she fought tooth and hoof to deny it to herself. She was deciding to hide what bothered her because, deep down, next to the kindness she’d nurtured so well, grew selfishness. A schism formed between the pony that faith and fear each drove her to become. To keep fighting for her faith, she thought, meant that she had to take whatever help she could bring herself to accept in spite of the fear.
“I—” Fluttershy teetered back and forth, laboring again against her better half to deny her friend a reason, wincing as she spoke “—I just can’t ... but, Twilight, I still want your help.” Her eyes pled. “I think, maybe ... I just need somepony to talk to ...” she forced herself to ask the next favor despite knowing her friend was far too busy already, “and sometimes check up on me, maybe, even if only once a week—” Fluttershy fought back her shame, not wanting to admit she needed checking up on, yet trusting in Twilight. The least she owed the pony who’d noticed her need and desired to help her was a chance to do so “—to make sure I’m ... alright. I just feel ... overwhelmed, and knowing that I can count on you to help me feel a bit less alone, even though I can’t say what’s the matter, could make all the difference.” Finally, it was out. She looked up at Twilight for her response and saw sympathy again on the friend's face.
Her answer came without hesitation. “Consider it done.” Twilight felt relieved that Fluttershy would allow her to do something, but she wouldn’t let it end there if she could help it. She’d recognized desperation, perhaps greater than any she’d recognized before, beneath the pegasus’s normally calm exterior, and Twilight felt it could mean disaster if not addressed immediately when it became fully exposed.
She took a deep breath to steady herself and collect her thoughts. “Fluttershy, I know this must be difficult, and I’m really happy you trust me enough to let me help you, but”—her brow furrowed deeply with concern—“for my sake and yours, please promise me you’ll come to me immediately if you need to talk sooner than my visits.” Her expression became serious. “Will you do that for me?” She was ready to insist, but it wouldn’t be necessary.
Fluttershy was moved. This time, as tears formed, the yellow pegasus smiled. “Y-yes, Twilight. Thank you. I do promise.”
Twilight sighed in relief. “You’re more than welcome—and one more thing, if you’d please hear me out.”
Fluttershy nodded, fully focused on Twilight.
“If there’s ever a time you can’t get a hold of me and you’ve already tried sending me a letter through Spike, will you please spend some time with one of our friends until you feel better or I can be there for you?”
Fluttershy considered the request. It didn’t require her to expose herself as she had to Twilight, and, really, she already sort of did this anyway, minus the added condition that she contact Twilight through Spike. “As long as this can stay between just us, I will.” She nodded. “You have my word.”
Twilight pulled the yellow mare suddenly into a tight embrace, and Fluttershy accepted the heartfelt gesture, wrapping her forelegs around Twilight. It felt like part of her was being restored and healed—soothed. She let the hug endure much longer than usual. When finally both felt satisfied, each let loose the other, and they shared a meaningful look. Silently, they acknowledged that things had changed between them. Several moments passed before Twilight spoke.
“Is there anything else I can do for you, Fluttershy?”
The yellow pony shook her head. “As long as you promise to let me return the favor some day if you ever need it, I can’t ask for more. You’ve already given me exactly what I think I need, Twilight.”
Twilight simply nodded and smiled. “Well, I suppose ... I should get going. I wouldn’t want to keep you from Sweetie Belle.” A thought crossed Twilight’s mind at that moment, a completely improbable thought, she decided. She forgot it quickly as it was followed by another thought. Her face brightened. “Oh! Maybe we could have a slumber party soon!”
Fluttershy smiled a bit wider. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.”
“Yay!” Twilight clopped her hooves together excitedly. “We’ll work out the details later then. 'Til then, take care!” One last concerned smile, and the purple unicorn departed, leaving Fluttershy to herself in the cottage full of animals that now were gradually waking themselves.
Dawn had come and gone, and there would be no time now for Fluttershy to revisit her fantasy and finish what she’d started, but Twilight’s visit had been worth it, she felt. Better than any momentary sexual relief, Fluttershy felt a good portion of the burden of her loneliness lift from her. Things were looking up, and, thinking of what lay ahead and whom she’d be spending the day with, Fluttershy felt positively giddy.
At the Carousel Boutique, a white unicorn foal packed her saddlebags with care. Her attempt at making breakfast had been slightly less disastrous than in the past, which had the filly in especially high spirits. Asking Rarity for instructions and help preparing the night before had paid off, and she’d been especially kind to Sweetie Belle, the older sister having still felt a little guilty for being so short with her the day prior. Her bag brimming with “just a few daily essentials,” Sweetie Belle set out to Fluttershy’s cottage.
As she trotted through Ponyville Square Sweetie Belle took in the sites and sounds.
A familiar pink and silver duo spotted the lone filly from nearby. With a smirk and the trademark look of superiority that Diamond Tiara used ad nauseam, the pink filly started in Sweetie Belle's direction. Silver Spoon followed, mimicking her partner, raised muzzle included. Sweetie's pupils contracted as she spotted them approaching, and instantly she wished she'd taken a different route.
“If it isn't the magic-less blank-flank.” Diamond Tiara cast her bait. Sweetie Belle knew it wouldn't end there, but she wouldn't dignify the bully with a response. While she was alone, this would be too easy, thought Diamond Tiara. The tiara-wearing filly flanked Sweetie Belle on the left, and, reading her companion's thoughts, Silver Spoon split to take her right.
“Somepony looks happy today considering how un- special she is.” Diamond Tiara addressed Sweetie Belle directly so that there wasn't any way she could pretend not to hear.
The unicorn considered speeding up, but, despite knowing what would happen if she responded, it felt cowardly to simply run off. What would her friends think if she did? If she stayed silent still, they'd tease her worse for it, but to respond now felt like acknowledging Diamond's insult, and Sweetie Belle was terrible when it came to witty comebacks. This couldn't end well, no matter what she did.
“What do you two want?” The little unicorn attempted to ask with as much contempt as a more confident Scootaloo might have, but the question came out sounding more like a pout than a counterattack.
Diamond Tiara was unphased. With a smug look, she continued her ritual of denigratory self-elevation. “Oh, nothing! I just find it interesting that you'd choose to show your flank in broad daylight without your two loser friends. What've you got in the bag? No doubt it has something to do with that pathetic crusading you're always up to.
“My friends aren't losers, and this doesn't have anything to do with our crusading. If you must know, I'm on my way to spend the day with Fluttershy.”
“What? Your sister couldn't stand you again, so she sent you away to somepony willing to put up with your lameness?” Both she and Silver Spoon laughed. She had struck a nerve.
“How would you know if Rarity and I hadn't been getting along?!” Sweetie's eyes teared up a little.
“Oh we have our sources, don't we, Silver Spoon?”
“Of course! Imagine our surprise to find out what a disaster you are in the kitchen and how, no matter what you do to help, you constantly mess everything up.” Silver Spoon delivered the line with mock disbelief.
Sweetie Belle stayed silent. She felt useless and unwanted often enough already. Hearing it from the two classmates she liked least was salt in an open wound. Smelling blood, Diamond Tiara went in for the kill. “What's the matter? Can't handle the truth? I guess only a pony with talent can make it in Equestria, really. Those without one or whose talent is something ridiculous like playing with butterflies would go well together, after all. At least somepony can stand to be around a miserable failure like you.”
That was too much. The white filly couldn't take it any more. If she could have, she'd have told the two to mind their own business; she'd have told them that Fluttershy was super extra talented, not just with butterflies; she'd have told them what she thought of their rotten attitudes. Instead the tears began to spill. To spare herself the additional humiliation of letting the two see her cry, Sweetie bolted, leaving the two bullies cackling behind her.
As Sweetie arrived at a quiet part of town she let herself slow down and release the sobs she'd held back. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were simply awful. It pained her just to think that there were ponies who could be so cruel with words. She could forgive them, Sweetie decided, but would they ever learn to be kind?
By the time she arrived at Fluttershy's cottage Sweetie had set aside her sorrow and again focused on the day ahead. Fluttershy answered the door promptly. “Welcome, Sweetie Belle. Come on in.” They smiled at each other, but each sensed in the other something just slightly off. A little redness in their eyes, tone of voice slightly lower than usual. Now that they were together, though, they felt somewhat better. “How has your morning been so far?” Fluttershy asked.
“Well, it was great until some fillies from my class—” she paused and sighed “—I'll tell you about it later, maybe. I'd rather not think about it.” Her ears folded back momentarily at the fresh memory, but her smile returned as she asked in turn about Fluttershy's morning.
“Oh, I've been, um ... alright. I'm just glad to have you here now.” She smiled and sounded honestly happy. Their eyes connected and so did something inside. A moment passed in contented silence before Fluttershy remembered the first order of business she'd planned to attend to. “Have you eaten breakfast yet, Sweetie?”
“Oh!” The unicorn hopped once excitedly, suddenly energetic again. “I woke up early this morning to make us something to eat! Um ... but ... if you've already eaten I'll just save it. Y-you don't have to eat with me, I mean.” Sweetie blushed a little. “I'm not a very good cook, but Rarity helped me this time, so hopefully it's not as burnt.”
“How thoughtful!” Fluttershy was genuinely pleased despite Sweetie's word choice. “I'd love to share what you made.”
Breakfast was remarkably normal ... -ish. The orange juice and sliced fruit were fresh and un-burnt, and, while the toast had been incinerated, at least it wasn't soupy. Rarity had explained that toast was meant to be served dry. Fluttershy managed to politely swallow a spoonful of the black powder. The slight nausea had been worth seeing the filly beam. Between bites of fruit and hay the two enjoyed some light conversation, during which Sweetie Belle found herself enjoying the warmth of Fluttershy's gaze even more than she remembered.
Feeding the chickens and their newly hatched chicks had been every bit as adorable as Sweetie anticipated. Despite the shame she still felt from yesterday, Fluttershy allowed herself to watch raptly. She knew the dangers of dwelling on her fantasies from past experience, but resigning herself to her more base passions seemed simply irresistible with the opportunity so perfectly ... presented to her. At least she had Twilight to help her now, she thought.
The little filly leaned low on her front hooves to nuzzle the little yellow balls of feathers, and, tail raised, she displayed herself prominently. Fluttershy could have sworn that, in the unicorn's excitement, she saw her small fillyhood contract. A deep breath later, the pegasus felt her heart stop hammering, and she opened the gate for Sweetie to exit the coop's yard.
A thought had occurred to Sweetie while she'd fed the chicks. “Hey, Fluttershy, do you think that Scootaloo will ever be able to fly?” Sweetie's expression was thoughtful. “I mean, I know you were a weak flier once too, so ... I thought maybe you'd know something about it. I wish I could tell her something to encourage her.”
Fluttershy contemplated her response. “Well, really, my weakness was mostly due to something called performance anxiety. Have you heard of it before?”
Sweetie shook her head, a little embarrassed. “Should I have?”
“No, no. Most fillies your age wouldn't know about it, I think.” Fluttershy continued her explanation as Sweetie followed her to retrieve two pairs of saddle baskets and then proceed to their next activity.
“Most ponies, adult and foal, feel a little bit of performance anxiety when they're about to do something in front of a lot of other ponies, or in front of somepony who makes them nervous. That's part of what anxiety means, really—being nervous—except that it's usually harder than normal. When I was still learning to fly, being at flight camp made it very hard because others were always watching. I was so nervous that even lifting off the ground was really difficult. Not long ago, I even had a very hard time flying with the other pegasi to lift water up to the weather factory, but, when I got over my anxiety, Twilight said I measured as one of the strongest fliers.” Fluttershy blushed lightly, a bit embarrassed by default to admit she was good at something athletic, though she didn't mind at all that Sweetie seemed impressed.
Is this what it's like to show off? she wondered as she paused to let the explanation sink in. When Sweetie Belle seemed to have digested the information she continued.
“Scootaloo doesn't seem to be the nervous type, though. She has a wing condition that makes her a little bit like a bird whose wings have had its flying feathers clipped short. I wouldn't worry too much, though. Scootaloo seems a lot like Rainbow Dash.” Sweetie's ears perked. “When Dashie wasn't able to do the sonic rainboom, she just kept at it, and, when it really counted, she performed one to save one of our best friends, your sister, of course. I don't know if she'll fly soon, but Scootaloo's wings are strong thanks to her, um ... scooting, and she seems just as determined as Rainbow. When she's older, if she hasn't already grown into larger wings, there are prosthetics, um—” she decided to clarify “—fake wingtips that can help her, and, even though they're hard to learn how to use, I have no doubt Scootaloo will make it count like Rainbow did, so she'll become an excellent flier.”
“Huh.” The unicorn considered this information. “I bet Scootaloo will be happy to hear she's like Rainbow Dash!” Sweetie and Fluttershy giggled together.
A minute's silence passed as they continued to make their way. Mulling over Fluttershy's admitted performance anxiety, Sweetie Belle came to a new realization. “Um ... Fluttershy, I think ... maybe I have a bit of performance anxiety too.” She felt no shame to admit it in light of how open the kind mare had been about her own struggles.
“Oh, really?” the pegasus gently encouraged. “How so?”
“Well, during our school's last talent show, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo thought I should write the song and sing for our performance, but I told them I didn't want to sing in front of a crowd. Honestly though ... I actually love singing when I'm not nervous. Mom and dad tell me I sound really good, too. I guess I'm wondering, how did you get over being nervous to learn how to fly well?”
“Well, for me,” she began, “when I fell from the sky, you might remember, the butterflies caught me. Even though I was falling and afraid that I might, well ... really afraid, I still couldn't open my wings. The only thing that made me able to fly, I suppose, was feeling safe after they caught me. Not just the butterflies, but being near solid ground, too, helped make me feel safe, and seeing so many critters that I loved gave me the motivation to fly into trees and all over, getting to know them.”
Fluttershy became silent, letting the young unicorn consider how her experience might apply to her. The most valuable learning was self taught, a lesson that Fluttershy had learned from Princess Celestia herself.
The two finally approached the tranquil edge of the Everfree Forest.
“Today there are some herbs I need to gather here,” the pegasus explained.
“You mean we're going into the Everfree Forest?! ” the filly squeaked. The thought surprised Sweetie Belle greatly after how Fluttershy reacted the last time she and her friends had even suggested going in.
“Oh, goodness no! I mean here at the forest's edge, not inside. It's still a bit dangerous, but, since it's daylight and, well, I can trust you won't run off into the forest, can't I?”
“After last time, I wouldn't want to leave your side for even a minute!” The filly drew herself into Fluttershy's side, taking shelter with a wide-eyed look at the dark trees. She shuddered at the memory of what happened and tried to shake it off with a nervous giggle.
Fluttershy blushed behind a comforting smile and took the chance to wrap her wing around the filly. This activity was already working out better than she had hoped.
“You'll be perfectly safe here with me.” She looked down with a soothing expression at Sweetie Belle. The little filly felt instantly better. Fluttershy's eyes, she thought, must have even more than the power to intimidate dragons.
Again, Sweetie wondered why Fluttershy was so nice to her, why the pegasus truly seemed to enjoy her company this much. It couldn't just be that she found her more interesting than her animals, despite what she'd said. Whatever the reason, she loved it. If the pegasus wouldn't tell her why right away, it was fine, but knowing felt important to Sweetie, not just because she liked learning about her friend, but because her own self worth was beginning to hinge on understanding why the mare treated her more special than even her parents or sister seemed to.
A feeling of warmth sprung up in the little filly beyond the naturally comforting feel of Fluttershy's feather shield. She decided to express the warmth with a nuzzle to the mare's side that made Fluttershy's heart skip a beat. With an unconscious blush on her white cheeks that made the pegasus's heart skip yet another beat, the filly stammered. “Th-thank you, Fluttershy.”
The affection and her racing heart had robbed Fluttershy of speech, but the mare stopped her slow trot along the forest's edge to lean down and nuzzle Sweetie Belle's cheek affectionately in return before the two resumed their leisurely pace.
As they continued, Fluttershy began to describe what they'd be looking for with a number of special cautions for what to avoid. Ms. Cheerilee had taught Sweetie's class about certain poisonous plants, but near the forest there seemed to be a lot more variety than what she remembered. Not to mention, seeing something in a book was quite different than seeing it in real life, Sweetie Belle thought.
A few minutes passed, and Fluttershy arrived at a patch of plants that matched one of her descriptions. Reluctantly she withdrew her wing from Sweetie Belle to begin showing her how to correctly pluck their leaves while leaving as little damage to the plant as possible. Their stroll progressed, and, with each leaf, stem, seed, or root their baskets began to fill.
It felt wonderful to teach, thought Fluttershy. No wonder Cheerilee always seemed so cheery! For Sweetie Belle, learning from the mare she admired and with whom she'd quickly come to feel connected was an adventure and likewise a treat that she was starting to wish she could have every day.
The hour passed quickly, and, having found the last of what she needed on her list, the yellow mare called for Sweetie. When no response came, Fluttershy turned her head to look around and saw the filly lying unconscious.
She gasped, shocked.
“Sweetie Belle!” Fluttershy flew with haste to the filly, spilling some of the contents from the baskets she carried. Panicked, Fluttershy called to her twice more, hovering just above her.
Looking around to see whether any cause could be found, Fluttershy recognized a bright purple flower with violet stamen. Landing lightly, she examined it more closely. She hadn’t ever seen that type grow at the forest’s edge before, but she knew that its pollen induced sleep. After checking Sweetie Belle’s breathing and finding she was alright, Fluttershy relaxed, letting out a relieved sigh and a brief chuckle.
Seeing the filly sleep was a treat she hadn't anticipated at all that day, though it had been something she fantasized about often. Fluttershy felt a familiar ache again.
After collecting her fallen herbs, the pegasus deliberated and decided to set her baskets down. She looked around and listened for any sign of company. Small animals went about playing and foraging. She noticed a pitying of doves flutter about mating and felt herself grow warm. A gentle spring breeze rustled tall grasses and forest leaves. The yellow pony detected no sign of larger animals or ponies, either above or on the ground. With a steadying breath, she removed Sweetie’s baskets to set them next to her own, and lifted Sweetie onto her back in order to carry her away from the sedative flower. On a soft bed of green grass, Fluttershy lay Sweetie Belle gently down.
Her ache intensified, and she swallowed hard. Sweetie Belle would be out for at least an hour—more likely, two hours considering Sweetie’s size and the potency of the pollen this time of year. Sweetie wouldn’t know anything that happened while she slept. They were all alone, and, while carrying the foal back to her cottage was an option, there was no guarantee it would help the temptation she felt right now. Rather, the opposite might be true, she thought. This was exactly the kind of situation that she needed Twilight for, but she couldn’t leave Sweetie, and she couldn’t risk bringing her to her cottage before running for Twilight’s help. There was nothing the pegasus could do to resist but lie down and let herself ache. She didn’t know how she would handle it, but she had to try.
Softly, Fluttershy laid herself down a few feet away from the foal, and, with sad eyes, looked longingly at the filly’s peaceful face. My sweet-Sweetie Belle, she thought. The ache—she thought—really was unbearable. ... Maybe if she could just lay close to her, it would be alright, she thought. No longer concerned with appearances, painful longing was now etched in Fluttershy's features. She rose with a trembling breath and, very slowly, went to the foal’s side. As she let their bodies rest against each other, Fluttershy began to relax a little and was surprised to hear Sweetie Belle speak.
“—notridiculous ... bestfriend,” Sweetie's words ran together. The mare looked down at the little unicorn, wondering what she could be dreaming.
Her distraction didn’t last long, and soon Fluttershy felt the ache again, stronger than ever. In a last ditch effort to quell her longing, the pegasus stretched out an unsteady wing and wrapped it securely around her foal. If she hadn’t been right next to Sweetie Belle as she said it, she wouldn’t have believed she heard correctly.
“.. love you Fluttershy...” came the dreamy voice of the foal.
No, this wasn’t a fantasy. It almost certainly didn’t mean what she wished it meant, but it was more beautiful music to her than the sweetest birdsong. Lying next to the foal, savoring that small bit of heaven from her fantasies made real, Fluttershy was overwhelmed with emotion. Triggered by Sweetie's somniloquy, a new power entered her from somewhere unknown, and Love chased away Fluttershy's self doubt long enough for her to regain control. It wouldn't last long, but it gave her the strength she needed to make the crucial decision to deny herself, no matter what.
Minutes passed and, though resolved, Fluttershy's instincts clawed, searching for any acceptable way to find release for what she felt. Suddenly, an idea struck her. “I—” the yellow pegasus's voice trembled, and she looked furtively around again before finally clearing her throat and speaking softly, confidently, and clearly directly into the filly’s ear.
“—I love you , Sweetie Belle.” Sweetie's ear twitched and the filly smiled. Fluttershy finally felt a small portion of her burden lift, but she needed more relief. “I don’t just love you.” Her voice trembled again subtly. “I’m in love with you, Sweetie Belle.” Tears began to roll down Fluttershy’s cheeks. Happiness balanced out her sorrow in that moment, and she felt oddly calm, as though in the eye of a storm. She watched for the foal’s response. No words came, but the foal’s brow furrowed as though she were trying to understand something difficult.
“You’re very very special to me. ... I know that you’re still a very young filly and I’m, well ... I’m grown up, but ... I’m in love with you.” Fluttershy let out a small sigh of mixed relief and sorrow at having confessed to the sleeping Belle. Knowing how dreams could drift, and hoping, if at all possible, to hold Sweetie’s subconscious, the young mare wrestled with words mentally, trying to speak what she felt as concisely as possible to make it through the filter of dreams to the foal beneath her wing.
“I don’t want you to be afraid. I’d never mean to hurt you. If you wanted to, I’d ask you to be my mate for life, and I’d do everything I could to make you happy.” Fluttershy thought of the improbability of what she hoped for and what she could possibly say to help the precious foal understand her feelings. “You're the kindest, most beautiful, most purehearted pony I know. ... From the day I met you and saw your smile, I've loved you, admired you, and wished you were mine to have and hold forever.”
The aching wouldn't stop completely, no matter how she confessed the depth of her feelings for the foal. It helped a little, at least—let her escape the thoughts she knew would only end up hurting them both if entertained. She felt ashamed, but now—she realized—now somepony special to her would be able to hear her, and she wouldn't have to fear the consequences.
Fluttershy's heart spilled over. A melancholic melody parted softly from the kindhearted mare's lips.
Torn with desire for good and evil,
Elysium and Tartarus warring,
silent we lie on the front of battle.
Few conflicts so fierce ever know such calm.
At the forest's edge so bright and serene
a stone's throw away from danger and fear,
I led you with both scandal and honor,
a corrupt mare looking for innocence.
Proven noble but sadly not valiant,
bearing kindness and yet lacking restraint,
both bless-ed and cursed with lust and with love,
unworthy shoulders carry your virtue.
Whether I fail now, you may never know.
Only I'd feel both the sting and relief.
I might for a time quench my burning thirst,
and preserve your virtue in ignorance.
My soul, though, would ultimately despair.
The thirst would return much worse than before.
Would you, in your purity, receive me?
Could you become the cure I don't deserve?
Fluttershy kissed Sweetie Belle's forehead, and her tears bathed the foal's muzzle.
Torn with desire for good and evil,
Elysium and Tartarus warring,
silent we lie on the front of battle.
Seldom such sorrow has known such sweetness.
“Fluttersh—” The foal softly muttered at the end of the song, but afterward remained silent.
Fluttershy extended her neck and rested her head lightly atop the unicorn's behind her small rounded horn. She felt her breathing beneath her wing. How many times she'd imagined it before, she didn't know. She'd had no experience to go off of beyond the usual cuddle session with whatever animal most closely matched a foal's size. Now the lonesome mare made good on at least part of her fantasies.
She quieted her mind, putting all thoughts aside, lewd and noble, self-pitying and heroic. With all the focus she could muster and desire like a branding iron, Fluttershy marked every exquisite detail of what it physically felt like to be with the filly deep into her consciousness, the scent of her mane, every twitch, every sound, and every second of every breath she recorded to the best of her ability. Even if Sweetie Belle couldn’t be hers forever, at least the sensation of being with her would be. Though it wouldn’t be nearly enough to satisfy her, Fluttershy would make it count.
Noon came, and Fluttershy’s meditative state was broken as Sweetie finally began to stir. Gradually relaxing her focus, Fluttershy sighed. She felt emotionally and mentally tired. To the split parts of herself that had fought so hard she gave congratulations and condolences.
Now unfocused, Fluttershy’s mind began filling with the fantasies she’d deliberately kept at bay over the last couple hours. Her self restraint was reinforced, however, by the knowledge that Sweetie would again soon be conscious. Oh, what she would have given for a single wet lick of the filly’s area while she slept. By refraining, Fluttershy knew she had retained something more valuable, however—her self worth. She would need every bit of it for what she finally decided she would attempt.
Sweetie Belle came to, feeling herself wrapped in feathery warmth and something light and warm on top of her head. As she shifted, the weight lifted, though her body remained covered. Her eyes blinked open to see the beautiful spring day she’d left behind, now evidently brighter. Turning her head, she looked with half-lidded eyes up at Fluttershy. “Fluttershy? Wh—What happened? I ... don’t remember.“ Her small voice came out groggily.
“Everything’s okay, Sweetie,” Fluttershy reassured. “You didn’t know any better, but there was a purple slumber lily and, when you smelled it, it put you to sleep for a while.”
“Nngh.” The filly tensed and stretched, and Fluttershy withdrew her wing. “How long was I asleep?”
“Only a couple of hours. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you about the slumber lily. I didn’t know it grew in this area.”
“Oh. Um ... it’s fine. I feel really well rested now, actually! Were you here the whole time?” Sweetie noticed how comfortable she felt lying next to the yellow pony. She couldn’t complain at all, though it seemed a little odd to cuddle with somepony outside her family.
“Um—” a slightly nervous expression betrayed Fluttershy “—Y-yes. I didn’t want to leave you alone, of course, and it seemed like a lovely morning to just relax outdoors after the herbs had been gathered.” Fluttershy nodded toward the filled baskets.
“No complaints here!” The filly squeed happily and pressed herself affectionately into Fluttershy's side, nuzzling the pegasus and making her blush. Seeing Fluttershy's subtle glow and the way her eyes sparkled at her made Sweetie Belle smile even wider. It felt so wonderful to be with somepony who seemed so reciprocally happy to be in her company. Sharing each other's gaze, naturally, serenely, Sweetie's thoughts and feelings bubbled to her lips.
“Thank you for taking me under your wing, Fluttershy. ... I really like you.” Though she'd meant it platonically, the filly blushed. Maybe, thought Sweetie, this was what it felt like to have a very special somepony. Though it was silly to think it in the company of her sister's friend, somehow Sweetie couldn't let the thought go.
As happy as it made Fluttershy to hear the filly's thanks and admission, Fluttershy had already read the filly's thoughts well before that moment. It came as no surprise in light of her body language and the recent experiences they'd shared together.
A different realization dawned on Fluttershy instead then.
Now was the perfect time, but she doubted she was prepared enough, having only decided on her plan a couple minutes before Sweetie awoke. This, however, she decided, would be better done without preparation. For so long she'd thought and planned how to fulfill her fantasies, but now, she knew, there was so much more than fantasy at stake. As a matter of the heart, it deserved to be dealt with spontaneously and genuinely, she felt. Fluttershy took a breath to calm herself, then she too spoke from the heart.
“I love you, Sweetie Belle.”
Her words and tone were soft. Her eyes and smile were peaceful if a bit sad. Fluttershy was reminded of the calm she felt before as Sweetie slept. It seemed like a full day had passed since then, thanks to her meditation. Though similar, this time was a bit different. Before, she’d been in the middle of a dangerous situation, the eye of the storm. Now it felt more like the calm before the storm, and a far greater one at that. Her heart and mind were tense. Instinct telling her to hide—take shelter before it was too late.
No, Fluttershy commanded herself. She refused to back down.
Whatever her fate, she invited it now, consigning herself to the sorrow of knowing that, no matter the outcome, she was sure both she and Sweetie would have to endure some amount of pain. If Sweetie decided not to reciprocate, it would be quick, at least for the filly, she hoped. If everything went according to her desire, however, then they’d end up facing the long storm together.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 28 January 2015
Original note:
Edit - 12/27/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and voice, etc.
A long moment passed, and Fluttershy waited patiently, her soft gaze resting still on Sweetie Belle's face.
The filly was a little surprised, but not shocked. Sure, her parents told her they loved her often, and even Rarity told her from time to time. Sweetie had known Fluttershy for a while, and the time they'd spent together yesterday and today had sparked something special between them, but it was, again, a little odd, wasn't it? She wondered. Being young, however, meant that Sweetie's preconceptions were ready and, in this case, willing to be changed.
Fluttershy had seen the filly's eyes widen momentarily and her smile relax while she considered what the pegasus had said. Sweetie's gaze lost focus, and the corner of Sweetie's mouth twisted briefly. The small blush that had faded from Sweetie's cheeks returned.
“I—I love you too, Fluttershy!”
Sweetie truly did love Fluttershy the way she loved her big sister. Though it was new to her, and felt a tiny bit awkward, Sweetie reciprocated happily. The intensity of Fluttershy's statement left the filly feeling unsure whether something else had been expected in reply, though what exactly—if something more had been expected—Sweetie couldn't guess. Everypony in her family said “I love you” in a slightly different way. Maybe, she guessed, somepony outside her family would say it even more differently. Maybe this is just Fluttershy's way of saying it, Sweetie dismissed her uncertainty.
Fluttershy had half expected the exact response Sweetie Belle gave—would have honestly been surprised if the foal had known exactly what she meant by it. The thought crossed Fluttershy's mind then that she could still turn back. She could simply enjoy the newly strengthened bond they shared. The conflict she feared could be avoided, and she would be safe another day. Romance might even still come later, and, again, Fluttershy thought, she would have time to prepare for it.
Moments passed, and Fluttershy's gaze broke as she contemplated what to do. ... Moments became several seconds, and, despite the determination Fluttershy had felt at first, she doubted. Despite her hurry and concern with not letting the opportunity pass, she stalled. Maybe it was worth it to think it through after all, the hesitant pony decided. (It would seem less abrupt anyway if she waited before going on to explain exactly what she meant to Sweetie Belle—if she explained it at all—she thought. Abrupt things were frightening, and she didn't want to frighten anypony.)
Fluttershy turned her head and rested it on the ground next to Sweetie Belle's hooves.
The sounds of the forest edge filled the silence, and seconds turned into a minute. Sweetie Belle took advantage of the pause to observe her surroundings more closely, but quickly wondered at her friend's distant expression. “Fluttershy? What are you thinking right now?”
The mare shifted her eyes to look up at Sweetie. The filly didn't seem to judge her odd behavior, but she was understandably curious. Fluttershy remained enigmatically silent in response and hoped for Sweetie Belle's patience to hold out until her natural caution had been satisfied. Cautious was certainly a good word for Fluttershy, but what she wanted with Sweetie meant throwing caution to the wind, either now or eventually. Waiting, she thought, meant she would either live in anticipation of facing her fears someday or back out entirely and never know whether she and Sweetie stood a chance together.
“Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy raised her head again to look into Sweetie's eyes then close them as she spoke. “Sorry, Sweetie Belle.” Her heart beat wildly and her mouth felt dry. The pegasus swallowed, took a calming breath, opened her eyes, and answered. “I'm a bit nervous because—what I'm about to tell you. I just ... want it to come out right, and, whatever you think I ... I don't want it to make you feel scared or uncomfortable.”
Sweetie wondered what could possibly make Fluttershy nervous and started suddenly, quickly turning her head to check along the forest edge for dangerous creatures. When she saw nothing, she turned back, confused. What could Fluttershy could say that might scare her? She'd never noticed the mare act very nervous when they were alone before, and she'd never been scared or made uncomfortable by anything Fluttershy had ever done ... with the exception of her stare , she noted, when she'd first seen it.
“Fluttershy, we're friends! We—” the filly's voice shook a little on the word, and she paused to push away her embarrassment at the mushy sentiment “—love each other. ... You don't have to be nervous.”
“Thank you, Sweetie.” The pegasus smiled, though she wasn't much encouraged. “I ... um ... I—” she struggled “—Sweetie, I'm ... not like other mares, really. You see, I ... um ... well—you understand that most mares like stallions for their very special someponies.”
The filly nodded.
“Well ... I think s—” Fluttershy was interrupted by the thought of how, she feared, others might look upon a pony outside of a foal's own family discussing sexual attraction with her. She reminded herself that there wasn't really any other way if she wanted Sweetie to make an informed decision. Sexuality, Fluttershy thought, was sometimes treated with far too little respect and, at other times, approached with far too much hesitation.
“I ... like stallions alright too, but ... I like other ponies as well. ... Sweetie, what I mean is ... I like ... you .” It was almost poetic, thought Fluttershy, that “like” had been the word that Sweetie used initially, and, now, like Sweetie had done with the word love, Fluttershy had flipped her word's meaning in return.
Fluttershy watched as Sweetie's eyes widened, then, in what she thought might be denial, turned to confusion.
“I—” the fear that Fluttershy had tried to keep from showing in her features now began to slip through, and she could no longer face Sweetie directly, much less hold eye contact “—I'd like to—I mean, I know you're much younger than I am ... and your family might not approve because we're so different in age, but ... um—” she swallowed again “—I'd really ... like to date you, Sweetie Belle.”
Fluttershy's eye's flicked to the side at Sweetie Belle and away several times. The filly was open-mouthed with surprise. She had understood, finally. Now all there was to do was wait and hope.
“Y-you want to date me?”
Fluttershy simply nodded.
“You ... want to date me? ”
Fluttershy blinked, her pupils small, and nodded once more.
“I-is that ... okay?” Sweetie asked. Something about it seemed off to her, no matter how she looked at it.
Fluttershy felt the filly grow tense next to her, and she prepared for Sweetie to move away, to reject her. Sweetie nearly did just that, but, at the last moment, stopped herself. She really did care for Fluttershy. She had, only seconds ago, just told her that she loved her like family. Moving away when Fluttershy clearly seemed distressed was definitely not what such a good friend would do. Despite not knowing yet how she felt about this information, Sweetie Belle stayed. Fluttershy meanwhile closed her eyes and waited for the storm to hit her, ignoring Sweetie Belle's question.
“Fluttershy?” Sweetie addressed the pegasus with a concerned expression. “It's ... alright.”
The winged pony opened her eyes in surprise and looked at the filly, still miraculously next to her. Really?! “R-Really?!” she repeated the thought out loud.
Sweetie Belle nodded. “I'm ...” Sweetie considered how best to describe what she felt, “really surprised, and I don't really know what to think, but ... you're still my friend, Fluttershy.” Sweetie shifted anxiously, however. “Y-you, um ... d-don't want me to ... kiss you or anything, do you?”
“Oh, no! No, of course not, Sweetie!” Fluttershy’s response came immediately, relieved that the worst of her fears were proven wrong, eager to preserve their friendship and re-ingratiate herself to the surprised filly. “I'm sorry, really! I don't mean that I want anything ... w-well ... not right now, a-and ... if you don't ever want to date me, I completely understand! I just ... wanted to let you know that, um ... I'd like to, if you want to, as well, and, well,” she stipulated for clarity’s sake, “it really isn't something that mares and little fillies ever do, s-so, um ... I'm afraid we'd have to keep it sort of secret if we did.” He voice trailed off on the last word.
Sweetie Belle frowned at the ground in concentration. Having prepared herself for the worst, Fluttershy was relieved now to see that their friendship would remain intact. Sweetie Belle's calm seemed to mean that the filly might even respect her wish for secrecy on the matter. Fluttershy's spirits rose significantly. With her initial worries resolved now, Sweetie relaxed and began to ponder Fluttershy's proposition. There were a number of issues, but her first concern still needed attention.
“Secret ...” she thought aloud. “So ... if we went on a date ...” the very thought made Sweetie almost reel with the implications, “then it would be ... something to hide?” Something to be ashamed of, something bad, she worried. “Wh—How is it okay, then? If everypony else shouldn't know about it?”
Fluttershy's relieved smile grew wider and sadder at the question. Her filly really was purehearted and innocent. She took pride in her intelligence. “It is and it isn't okay, really.” Fluttershy answered with an odd mix of caution and eagerness. “Ponies are afraid of things that are new or different. Do you remember how everypony used to treat Zecora?”
Comprehension dawned on Sweetie's face. “Ohh! I see!” Fluttershy had been ready to explain a lot more. Any mature mare or stallion would have been thoroughly unconvinced, she thought. “Well,” Sweetie continued, “why do you want to date me, then? If you think stallions are alright too, then ... why date somepony like me? I am just a filly, and I thought, well ... fillies are supposed to be cute, but not ... special-somepony-cute, you know?”
“W-well.” Fluttershy paused to consider her answer. “I'm not really sure I know why I'm different this way, to be honest, but, um ... maybe part of the reason is that ever since I was littler than you, I've, um—” Fluttershy blushed. She didn't think she should spring the sort of personal information on poor Sweetie Belle that she was thinking “—let's just say I've wanted a very special somepony to date since I was very little. So, maybe now I just think that fillies whose age is close to what mine was back then are very, um ...” Fluttershy's blush persisted as she thought of what she found attractive in Sweetie Belle, “cute ... that way ... a-and, well,” Fluttershy looked down, away from Sweetie, “y-you especially.”
As Fluttershy's blush deepened, Sweetie Belle noticed her friend's a bright shade of pink beneath the yellow coat on her face. She herself turned almost crimson at hearing the compliment, but seeing how genuinely Fluttershy was affected by the confession was what made her young heart begin to beat rapidly. At first, Sweetie wondered whether something was wrong. Maybe she was getting sick. Despite the butterflies in her tummy, she didn't feel too bad. For the time being, she tried to ignore it.
“I, um—thank you ... Fluttershy.” Sweetie tried to come up with a suitable counter-compliment. “I, uh ... r-really like your ... m-mane.” Though she actually meant it, the compliment fell decidedly short of what she'd hoped. Fluttershy had looked back when she heard the filly stammer. Had she actually flattered her?
As the filly muttered the half-baked compliment in return, Fluttershy couldn't believe her fortune, having succeeded not only at somehow overcoming the creepiness factor—as her own worst critic, she often thought it seemed insurmountable—but also at having Sweetie Belle reciprocate on some level. It wasn't a yes but, try as she might not to, Fluttershy couldn't help but get her hopes up a little.
“Th-thank you, Sweetie.” She smiled wide. “I've, um ... always really liked your eyes, and your coat, and your mane as well, and, well ... a lot of other things about you.” She would have gone on much longer, but now she didn't want to risk overwhelming the filly.
“You ... you really do like me that way.” The filly absorbed this incredible fact. “So ... then what happens now?” What was Sweetie supposed to do about it?
Fluttershy would have liked to say many things. In her fantasies she would have said and done them in a heartbeat. Now, she simply inhaled, breathed out the tension she felt, and smiled peacefully. “Well ... first, I want to thank you, Sweetie.” Gratitude like she felt at that moment couldn't be kept inside. “Thank you for understanding and staying by my side as my friend, even though I'm different. It takes a very kind and loyal friend to do that.” She should know, having befriended Discord.
“Second, um ... If you say yes to going on a date, it doesn't mean that you have to like me the same way I like you, yet, but, since it is a date, after all, it would be best to maybe do something together that helps you decide whether you might come to like me as a very special somepony, hopefully some day soon.
Sweetie Belle's ears perked at this. “You mean, dating doesn't mean we'd automatically be each other's very special someponies?” Sweetie recalled her and her friends' attempt at sparking a relationship between Ms. Cheerilee and Big McIntosh. There was so much they didn't know! Though Sweetie had tried not to assume anything, it was no wonder they'd failed.
“That's right. Some ponies know right away, even before they start dating, but others take time. There's no hurry at all.” Fluttershy’s body spoke contrary to what she'd just said. She felt an exigent need to be with Sweetie Belle, but a part of her refused to let the urge rob both of them of a traditional courtship. She wanted to ask Sweetie again whether she would accept the offer to go out, but on the filly's face she saw more questions, for which she held back patiently.
“I-if we—” the thought made Sweetie glow brighter “—if we did end up being very special someponies, then what would that mean, exactly? I mean ... w-would we get married?”
It was almost too much for Fluttershy to see the filly so bright red and to hear her talk so innocently of her greatest fantasy. “Not all very special someponies get married in the end. Some just stay friends after one or both of them decide they wouldn't be happy getting married. Sometimes they realize that, even though they like each other, um—” the subject of sex would have to be broached eventually, and Fluttershy seemed to be on a roll. She went for it “—sometimes two ponies may like each other physically, but they don't always get along in other ways.”
Sweetie Belle looked lost.
“For example, um ... Mr. and Mrs. Cake, well ... they like each other physically s-so they ha— Um ... have your parents explained to you where new foals come from, Sweetie?”
“No.” Sweetie drew out the syllable thoughtfully. “Not exactly. They kind of just told me when a mother and a father love each other they choose to make a baby. I figured the rest out on my own, and Apple Bloom helped. Living near animals and everything, you know—she told me basically how she's seen it happen in the spring and summer, and how Granny Smith explained it to her.”
“I see. That's good! Um ... why don't you tell me exactly what you know, and I'll see if I can't tell you anything else.”
“Well—” Sweetie Belle let out a nervous giggle suddenly “—um ... when the filly pigs come into season, the um ... colt pigs smell them and then they get on top of them and they ... um—they rut.” She giggled again, embarrassed at having said it.
Fluttershy smiled reassuringly when Sweetie looked up to see if she'd made any mistakes. The yellow mare felt the initial stirrings of arousal as the filly explained. Her shade of pink had faded, but now began to return. “That's right, Sweetie. And do you know what happens exactly when they mate like that?”
The filly's features turned even redder. “T-the, um ... colt puts his dongle—” another giggle “—i-into her hoo-ha a-and he ... pushes it deep so his seed will be, er ... planted, um ... right?” Fluttershy swallowed and tried to ignore the mad tingling along her back and beneath her tail at hearing the innocent little pony relay her understanding of sex. Sweetie looked up, her a rosy muzzle turned down in embarrassment. Fluttershy couldn't help but giggle softly with her when the filly had finished the explanation, simply to relieve her own nerves a little.
“Yes. Very good! You see, when two ponies like each other physically, you could say, then they might share some private time together doing what some of the farm animals do, and, if they're mare and stallion, they make a foal.” Fluttershy proceeded to clarify. “You know, not all ponies are always married when this happens, but marriage is a beautiful thing that's meant to help the two ponies feel safe with each other and know that they'll never leave each other, even when times get hard or maybe they argue a little. They promise to eventually forgive each other if they accidentally hurt each other's feelings, and they promise to try and be nicer next time because they love each other very much. This is also really wonderful for their foals since they'll be more likely to have both parents to love and take care of them.”
Sweetie grinned happily, thinking of her own family. Fluttershy waited to see whether the filly had any questions and wasn't disappointed.
“But, two fillies? I mean ... there's nothing to um ... I thought that um ... sex,” the whole conversation was destined to be spent blushing for both ponies, and Fluttershy secretly wouldn’t have had it any other way, “was only possible between a mare and stallion.”
“Umm—” The rosy hue on the pegasus’s face persisted. Fluttershy was really at a loss. She had thought about introducing Sweetie Belle to the delights of sexual pleasure probably hundreds of times, but to actually be asked about it in real life was so—no! This was an innocent question! Fluttershy chastised herself. She remembered her determination to love Sweetie stronger than she lusted for her. Gulping dryly, she wrenched herself away from the world of fantasy yet again. She would do it as often as need be until—not now , was all she could think, or she feared she'd begin to spiral out of control.
“Fluttershy? Did I ask a bad question?” the filly asked timidly upon noticing Fluttershy's reaction.
“I—n-no, Sweetie.” She would just have to stumble through it as best she could, thought Fluttershy. “F-fillies have sex i-in lots of ways: Tongues, hooves, f-feathers ... horns.” The yellow mare trailed off almost to a whisper at the last word.
Sweetie Belle looked on in fascination at Fluttershy's muttered response.
“But—” Sweetie wasn't sure, but she thought she got the gist “—why would a filly want to put her tongue i-in another filly's ... hoo-ha? Or why would a filly want somepony else to, um ... put her horn and things down there?” Something odd was happening again to Sweetie Belle as she imagined these things. Butterflies again began to tickle her insides, and a growing warmth was spreading throughout her body, concentrating on her fillyhood. A growing urge much like an itch there caused her to squeeze her hind legs together in response. Doing so reminded her of the times she had lain in bed with a pillow between her stifles. It was a comforting feeling that she'd always enjoyed, but now it seemed more intense. Something dawned on Sweetie Belle then. “O-oh!” Was all Sweetie could say.
Through an increasingly cloudy haze of conflicted arousal, Fluttershy vaguely noticed the small unicorn tense and shudder while she asked the innocent, fantasy-inspiring question, followed by her short exclamation. “A-are you alright, Sweetie?” Fluttershy voiced her concern. The foal focused on nothing in particular and said nothing right away, but a relaxed, half-lidded expression and open mouth answered Fluttershy's question. Being adept at interpreting body language played a large part in Fluttershy’s special talent. Now it served another purpose. This really was too much for the already flustered young mare.
Slowly, Fluttershy rose to four hooves and, with controlled breaths and not a word, she stepped several paces away from Sweetie Belle. Feeling her heart ache at leaving the filly's side, she comforted herself with the knowledge that she did it for love's sake. Her self-restraint would make it all the more meaningful when—if —the right time finally came.
“Hu- Fluttershy?” Sweetie Belle snapped back to her senses quickly as she felt the mare move. Did she want her to follow? Sweetie Belle wanted to follow her—felt antsy without her and wanted to stay close to her right now, but, before she managed to get to her own hooves, Sweetie noticed an odd scent and saw, beneath Fluttershy's involuntarily raised tail, an unmistakable glimmer and bright pink color around her nethers.
“Fluttershy your—” Something clicked again for the filly, and, despite how openly they had communicated until then, Sweetie Belle stopped herself. She still didn't understand completely, but instinct and logic told her that what Fluttershy was doing had to be out of politeness and respect for her. Sweetie would reciprocate by not pointing out what was, she thought, maybe a shared condition between them. The pegasus turned about and rested delicately again on the grass. She managed still to smile before she faced the filly, but her eyes were slightly pained.
The filly surprised herself suddenly by giggling, then stopped herself with a hoof to her mouth. Now, perhaps, wasn't the time to be amused, she worried, but, to Sweetie's relief, her laugh made the pegasus brighten and look back inquisitively. “I'm sorry, Fluttershy. I—” she let herself giggle a little once more “—I think I got a couple of answers just now, and you didn't have to say anything.” Her smile stretched wide and the laughter reached her eyes above the still rosy muzzle and cheeks.
Instead of apologizing and attempting to explain her movement as she’d intended, Fluttershy couldn't resist smiling back and asking, “Oh?! What answers would those be ... i-if you don't mind me asking?”
“Well,” the unicorn was happy to share her discoveries but a bit nervous she would commit some social taboo, “I think I know why two fillies would want to, um ... touch each other. I think ... the feeling, maybe, is what makes rutting ... something that ponies in love would do.”
Fluttershy was struck by how quickly the little pony understood, simply from what she’d felt and—though the mare had tried to be discreet—what Sweetie must have noticed about her backside. She was rather relieved that she wouldn't have to face the temptations that came with explaining it herself to Sweetie Belle. “O-oh! That's great, Sweetie!” She giggled now too. “I was um—well ... I'm sorry that ... I sort of got tongue tied.”
Brushing off the unnecessary apology, the filly looked back at Fluttershy, suddenly focused on her with a suggestive look that caught Fluttershy pleasantly off guard. “I figured something else out too,” the unicorn sang teasingly and paused to let her friend's curiosity build.
“W-what else, Sweetie?”
“I figured out that, whether or not I like colts,” Sweetie paused and turned her muzzle down, slightly bashful, “I know, at least, that ... I like you too, Fluttershy.”
The pegasus had heard every word clearly, but she couldn't believe it. Her mouth agape, Fluttershy responded. “Y-you mean ...” Fluttershy couldn’t stop herself from asking again. “Does this mean ... you'll agree to go out with me?!”
“I—I guess it does! Yes!” Sweetie Belle beamed at her admirer whose smile, in turn, slowly spread so wide she thought it could have gotten stuck permanently on the pegasus's face.
Fluttershy's whole body tensed, her eyes shut tight, and for a moment she thought she might ruin the mood with raucous cheers like the ones she'd made for Rainbow Dash when she performed her sonic rainboom. Instead she let escape an unintelligible squeak of pure joy, and small mist gathered at the corners of her eyes. In a high pitched tone, Fluttershy managed to express herself. “Thank you, Sweetie. You've made me so very happy!”
Seeing her friend's expression match her words and having somepony whom she thought might be her first—though highly unanticipated—very special somepony, Sweetie Belle was almost every bit as happy as the mare in front of her. Taboo or not, polite or impolite, the filly didn't care. She immediately rose, bounded to Fluttershy's side, and leapt into her, tumbling with the petite pegasus several trots' distance before she rested on top of her, clinging to her barrel.
Fluttershy let out a startled yelp but quickly recognized her attacker, her dream filly. Overwhelmed with happiness, she embraced the filly more firmly than she'd ever dared pretend to do in her loneliest fantasies. It was the filly's turn to squeak this time, and Fluttershy loosened her embrace. “Oh! I’m sorry, Sweetie Belle! I ... just love you so much, and I got carried away and—”
Sweetie Belle made an unexpected approach to Fluttershy's muzzle and quieted her instantly with a timid but affectionate peck on the lips. The world stopped, and the young mare's heart went from beating overtime to complete and utter meltdown. Sweetie Belle turned a brighter red at her first real kiss and giggled at Fluttershy’s reaction. “I hope you squeeze me like that again sometime.”
Fluttershy looked up at Sweetie Belle with glistening eyes. Tenderly, she ran her hoof up to her mane and stroked it once before leaning forward, lowering her eyelids halfway, and planting another kiss—a slower kiss—on the filly's lips. Sweetie responded, becoming tense then limp. After a few seconds Fluttershy laid her head back against the grass again and looked dazed back at the foal whose surprise showed through the distant look and leftover pucker from this different kind of kiss.
“Th-that too.” The little filly grinned widely and released a dreamy sigh. Overcome with the sensation of having both given and received her first romantic kisses, Sweetie Belle closed her eyes and rested her head against Fluttershy. The sunny pegasus positively glowed with happiness.
“Yes! Yes, you can count on it, Sweetie Belle!”
The two held each other silently for several minutes, sunlight warming their embrace. Finally living part of what she’d dreamed for so long, Fluttershy felt at peace with what she’d struggled through to that point and with what she knew must come. For now, she simply relished what she had.
Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle contemplated everything their new relationship might mean. “Fluttershy?” The little unicorn spoke, still nestled against Fluttershy's barrel and neck.
“Yes, Sweetie?”
“What kind of date will we have if we can’t let other ponies know about us?”
“I was thinking we might have a private picnic for starters. And, well, almost anything outside of town or, if we don’t, um ... get too close, then almost any place in town too.”
“That sounds good.” The filly tightened her embrace momentarily, happy to think of the time they’d continue to spend together.
Fluttershy allowed her hoof to return to stroking Sweetie’s mane. Despite the sensuality of the gesture and her recent arousal, she felt well in control at the moment, her bodily urges greatly calmed with the intense satisfaction of knowing that she’d been accepted by her little dream pony.
At the back of Sweetie’s mind, Fluttershy’s comment about getting too close brought some of her concerns back to the surface. “Um ... about ... having sex ... um ...”
“It’s alright, Sweetie. You and I don’t have to worry about that until ...” Fluttershy wished she could say “marriage” but instead she finished, “until we’re both sure we’re ready.”
“O-okay. It’s just ...” Sweetie snuggled into Fluttershy’s coat, “I’m ... excited for it, but I’m also, well ... a little nervous.”
Fluttershy's heart palpitated to hear that Sweetie already anticipated the event. She pushed away the incoming fantasies. She certainly understood. The young mare tilted her head down at Sweetie Belle, and the foal lifted hers to meet her gaze.
“Me too,” Fluttershy empathized, “but we’ll have each other. When it happens—if it happens, I promise I’ll do everything I can to make sure we have nothing to worry about.”
Though Sweetie probably meant she was nervous about the act itself, Fluttershy thought also of the social implications. She wished she could guarantee their happiness, but making promises she couldn’t keep would only make matters worse. It felt stressful, but being needed, being relied upon to be the strong one for once with another pony, was something that Fluttershy had dearly wanted and now deeply enjoyed.
Sweetie rested her head again in the nook beneath Fluttershy's chin. “Mm ...” the little filly tensed and tingled as she thought again about the possible future. The thoughts came easily, and she received them willingly. With any other pony, Sweetie thought, it would feel wrong, but being with Fluttershy that way was something she felt she wanted naturally. Though her inexperience prevented her from understanding why and she felt surprised by the suddenness of her own intense emotions, the more she thought about it, the more Sweetie wanted it.
A number of things continued to nag at the foal. Others wouldn’t accept them. Her parents wouldn’t approve. What’s more, her mother had told Sweetie that she shouldn’t let other ponies beside doctors or her parents touch her special areas until she was married—that even playing with herself there was naughty. Were those all just misconceptions like Zecora's reputation had been? Could those “misconceptions” change like they had for Zecora? Would there be a happily ever after for her and Fluttershy? Could there be marriage if that's what they wanted together? Sweetie simply wanted to ignore all of this, to trust Fluttershy, to be led into the new and wonderful experiences she was imagining, but a foalhood spent being taught to feel shame was enough to make her doubt.
“Fluttershy, did your parents ever tell you that it was wrong to let somepony else touch you in your special areas ... or that you shouldn't touch yourself there?”
The mare nearly answered “yes” on first impulse, but, when she stopped herself to really think about it, that wasn't quite true. “Kind of. ... My mother told me it was wrong to let others touch me, but ...” Fluttershy tried to conjure the specifics, “she told me that, um ... touching myself wasn't appropriate in public, and, well, I honestly um ... I figured out later on that ...” this, Fluttershy hoped, still wasn't too much information, “doing it by myself felt really good, but I also felt embarrassed about it, even when I was alone.”
Fluttershy flashed back briefly to when her mother had caught her once with her teddy and remembered how, despite her feigning that she didn't notice anything, she'd felt mortified. Sweetie understood quickly, and Fluttershy continued to answer the implied question. “I think ... your parents are right about not touching your special areas, at least without being married.”
Sweetie Belle felt reassured that her mother's advice matched her friend's, but, “You ... still did it, though?”
Fluttershy's expression turned guilty. “Y-yes ...” She wished she could justify herself, but her mind was blank as to how.
“Why did you? Why shouldn't we?” the filly begged to understand.
“I—” Sorrow revisited Fluttershy's eyes. She felt suddenly like releasing Sweetie Belle. She felt like she didn't deserve to be close to somepony that brought her so much happiness while telling that pony about something that made her feel ashamed. Her body ached with protesting emotion as she began to withdraw her forehooves. This time—for once—she gave in and continued her relaxed embrace with Sweetie Belle. It wasn't totally her fault after all, she thought to herself. Despite not seeing the pegasus's face, her head still nestled beneath the mare's chin, Sweetie sensed the change and began to worry that what she said might have hurt Fluttershy's feelings. She was about to take back her questions, but Fluttershy spoke before she could.
“I didn't know any better at first, I guess.” The note of sadness confirmed what Sweetie Belle had feared. It was too late to take back the question now, she thought. She simply hugged her friend more tightly. “And I was ... lonely. By the time I realized it didn't help, well, I had already been ... changed.” Fluttershy paused as her mistakes flashed before her. “And, as for why we shouldn't ...”
Only one answer held much weight for Fluttershy personally. She trusted the doctrine taught to her. She'd believed in Harmony fervently since those days of her foalhood shortly after she'd fallen from flight camp. It was the kind teachings of Mr. Waddle, Ponyville’s clergypony, that had shown her what she'd done was wrong. Though she wasn’t sure she’d be able to convey the conviction she felt, the pegasus spoke candidly, explaining to the best of her ability why she felt her own secret actions were worth condemning. Maybe, she thought, she’d be able to help keep Sweetie from making her foalhood mistakes, to prevent the unicorn from struggling consequently with the compulsive urges and behaviors that the pegasus wrestled with to this day.
“The feelings it gives you are very powerful, so powerful they ... they’ll change you in ways that are very difficult, maybe impossible, to change back. Touching yourself ... well, y-you know what it’s like, sort of, just to think about being touched by another pony. Don’t you?” Fluttershy dreaded what corruption she might have sewn in the foal simply by her abbreviated explanation minutes prior.
Sweetie felt her face grow warm again, and she nodded against Fluttershy. “Mm-hmm.”
“It's a very very special feeling to be touched that way, and, if it's not shared with somepony just as special, well, the magic of love can't be there, and, instead,” she struggled to admit it to herself, to put into words the consequences of her own transgressions, “that feeling—the special feelings from ... sex will only end up making any negative feelings you have stronger. ... If you're lonely, you'll feel more alone. If you're often scared, you'll feel more like ... there's no way to be safe. I think ... the feelings from sex are so strong that if you take them yourself without doing your best to give them to the right somepony, it's like stealing, but”—Fluttershy didn't want to dwell on the negative, no matter how true she felt it was—“if you give those feelings to somepony you trust to share their whole life with you, you'll bring them so much happiness!” Fluttershy gently squeezed the filly more tightly against her. “And they can also bring you the same happiness if you let them. ... You'll both feel closer and braver and stronger if you share those feelings, and that's part of the true power of love, I think.”
The little unicorn's soft response was no more than, “Wow!”
Sweetie received everything so willingly, trusting Fluttershy implicitly as a mentor. It baffled the pegasus just a little that Sweetie should so readily accept not only her feelings, but her guidance, even taking into account her youthful naïveté.
After giving the foal a minute to contemplate, Fluttershy couldn't resist trying to understand what was going through her mind. “Sweetie, can I ask ... what are you thinking right now?”
It took the young filly a moment to try and collect her thoughts, as they were all over the place. “I don't—I mean ... I guess I'm thinking a lot of things, and it's hard to say, but ... what really matters is that, I think ...” Something had been building in the young filly ever since she’d realized she reciprocated Fluttershy’s romantic interest—a feeling that might only have grown so quickly in a filly so young, yet Sweetie would have insisted her age had nothing to do with it.
For a moment, Sweetie hated how young she was. Being young meant that what she thought or said wasn't usually taken seriously by adult ponies. Even her friends dismissed what she said sometimes. But what she wanted to say now was something that felt too important to let it be brushed aside. She knew from experience that Fluttershy would listen to her better than other ponies might, but would she believe that a foal like her was serious if she said what she was feeling right now?
The filly squeezed Fluttershy one last time before shifting her body, and Fluttershy released her, unsure of what was happening. Sweetie planted her back hooves on the ground, then her front hooves, and stepped away to look seriously at the young mare. Fluttershy rolled over to face her and saw what seemed like an almost grave expression. At first she feared Sweetie had bad news. When the filly spoke her name, however, the tone calmed Fluttershy's worry.
“Fluttershy ... I think I want to marry you.” She paused, and Fluttershy’s jaw dropped. “And ... I know I'm young and inexperienced, and I may not fully understand love yet, but ... what I feel right now about you is something I've never felt before, and I want to keep feeling it.”
The yellow pegasus was dumbstruck. What she was hearing now seemed almost surreal. She certainly did doubt as Sweetie anticipated. Certainly, the pegasus believed, the filly could want more of the love they shared. She herself had wanted romantic love at a young age. She’d even told herself as a little filly that marriage was what she wished for, but she didn’t know then that marriage was much more than love. It was daily self sacrifice for the sake of unity. It was love compounded on itself. Sweetie admitted she didn't understand love fully, but did she understand what it would take to learn about it? Could a filly who doesn't even know her life talent come to comprehend lifelong commitment to another pony?
Despite the fact that Fluttershy had been the one to initiate this, to open them both up to the possibility of such a relationship, hearing the filly say she wanted to marry her within the very same hour that Fluttershy had confessed to her made her think that the filly might just be caught up in the moment, caught up with new sensations and new information. Fluttershy would have been sure that this was the case, in fact, but for how Sweetie Belle addressed her now. The way the filly had separated herself from Fluttershy, her expression, and the steadiness of her tone and posture all struck Fluttershy.
Sweetie watched as Fluttershy's surprise turned to uncertainty and then what seemed almost like pity. It was a sort of pity, truth be told. Fluttershy pitied them both, wishing but failing to believe that the filly knew what she was saying, and thinking that it would be years before the filly would understand.
“Oh, Sweetie, I look forward to that someday as well. Maybe in a few years.” The mare smiled kindly, but the smile faded when Sweetie didn’t return one to her.
“I—I meant sooner than that, Fluttershy.” The filly’s reply was nervous but insistent. “I mean, I want to marry you now or very soon. I—I want to be your,” the next word got caught on her lips, “w-wife.” Fantastic images flooded the filly’s mind from the royal wedding in which she'd participated not long ago. She doubted that—if ponies wouldn’t accept her being so young—she’d enjoy anything remotely similar, but simply imagining the mare in front of her belonging to her and she herself belonging to Fluttershy was all she needed to drive her to press the issue.
Fluttershy frowned. She’d long harbored a desire to marry the dream filly at a much younger age than was acceptable by any modern standard. She was unhappy now to have to deliver what she knew would be a difficult reality call, not only to the filly, but to herself. “I—I'm sorry Sweetie. It's just that I honestly don't think you understand how difficult ... very difficult it would be to ... to get married so soon.” The mare struggled to admit the improbability of her own fantasy. “And beside ... maybe you'll change your mind tomorrow or a week from now or some time next month or next year. I love you, Sweetie, but ... you're still very young.”
Fluttershy cringed inwardly at the harsh truth, but Sweetie only felt spurred on by her love's misunderstanding. She had to say more, try harder to get her to believe her. “I know that marriage is supposed to last forever, and I'm, well ... I don't even know what I'll be doing when I'm grown up. I'm just a ... a blank-flank.” It hurt to admit it, especially now, but doing so, Sweetie Belle hoped, might give her that much more credibility. “I know it might be really hard because of how other ponies could see us, but I don't care how hard it is or what I have to do.” Sweetie's eyes filled with tears that she couldn't explain—of mixed frustration and longing and intense conviction. “I want to spend my life with you, and”—tears began to trickle slowly—“I've never wanted anything more—ever.” her tiny voice cracked.
“I—” Sweetie sobbed a little before toughening up. Fluttershy started to go to embrace and comfort the filly but the foal held up her hoof to stop her. The little unicorn was surprised at the intensity of what she felt but was too determined to let it derail her or to let Fluttershy interrupt her. Sweetie took a calming breath.
“Can I—will you ... please marry me soon , Fluttershy?”
The filly's proposal betrayed her foalishness to Fluttershy, asking permission rather than consent, but the pegasus felt the genuineness behind her words. Without trying, Sweetie Belle's eye's grew large and her lips pouted. The pegasus was caught off guard again by both the expression and the earnestness of her proposal.
“I ... Sweetie, I'm really ... happy that you want to be married, and I want it too ... someday.” She ended sadly. The kind mare tread carefully, trying not to hurt the filly's feelings. “For now, will you please ... please be my very special somepony until we—until I’m ready?”
For once the excited part of being nervouscited won out for the shy pony as she heard herself ask the question that would define their relationship. Though it wasn’t as much as Sweetie Belle had asked for, now, probably, thought Fluttershy, they would be more than just friends and even more than friends who would date. It wasn’t marriage by any means, but it was as much as she felt she could offer the filly without making false promises.
Sweetie Belle’s features drooped in disappointment at first. It felt like rejection, but, as she considered the counterproposal, she was comforted by the words very special somepony. Fluttershy hadn’t said ‘no’ outright, and it was normal, after all, to start out first as very special someponies before becoming engaged.
At the thought of being engaged Sweetie took a step back from what she was thinking and feeling to look at their situation more objectively. Part of her was embarrassed at how silly she’d been to even think about getting married so quickly, but she also couldn’t ignore the intensity of her desire and how simply right it felt. In spite of not satisfying her desire for the promise of haste, the filly smiled a little at the thought of officially having her first very special somepony.
“... Yes.” Her smile grew wider for a moment with sudden excitement, and Fluttershy’s expression quickly matched, but suddenly again the filly’s face grew stern, and the petite pegasus recoiled. “But I still want to get married, and I won’t be changing my mind. Do I make myself clear?”
Fluttershy shrank a little at the filly’s unconscious imitation of her mother, but she couldn’t help smiling at the demand, adorable as it was to hear coming from the little unicorn, cracked voice and all.
“Y-yes ... D-darling.”
An even bigger smile grew as Fluttershy thought to address the filly by the new term of endearment, and Sweetie Belle’s stern face broke into an impossibly wide grin before she leapt forward to throw her forelegs tightly around the mare then pull back to kiss her repeatedly on her cheeks, muzzle, head, and, finally, where Fluttershy reciprocated eagerly and at length, her lips.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 28 January 2015
Original Note:
Also notice I've added an (((Optional Listening))) playlist to the story description for those who might like to hear songs that have served as my muses (or else are simply Flutterbelle-themed).
If I listen to anything while I write it helps me focus if I loop a single song without a distracting beat.
Edit - 12/25/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and detail.
The little filly breathed heavily, muzzle to muzzle with the most beautiful pony she’d ever known. “Now I get what all the fuss is about kissing!” the little unicorn giggled. Before Fluttershy could respond, the filly met her special somepony’s lips once more.
“Mm—Sweetie,” several seconds had passed, and the mare broke their kiss and panted a little. Reluctantly, the filly gave her some room to breathe. “I—” pant “—I’m sorry I’m just—not very good at holding back. I really—really want to keep kissing you, b-but ...” her expression was pained, “if I do, I’m afraid I—I’ll want to t-touch you too much to stop myself, a-and I don’t think we’re—” she swallowed “—ready for that.”
“Oh ...” The disappointment on Sweetie’s face was almost as hard for Fluttershy to bear as her desire to keep kissing her, regardless of the consequences. “Okay, Fluttershy,” the unicorn complied and sat back to give the pegasus some more room.
Fluttershy tried to slow her heart rate with several deep breaths, but it really was no use. She’d have to wait until she calmed down naturally. The mare tried relaxing and rested her chin against the grass.
The disciplined pegasus almost wished the filly would continue, would give her an excuse, however unjustified or irresponsible, to let it escalate.
“Please just give me a few minutes, Sweetie.” Fluttershy forced herself to shut down the only way she knew how in such a state. She closed her eyes and, for the next couple minutes, she brought her mind as close to sleep as she could.
Sweetie watched her mature fillyfriend with quiet curiosity and concern. She was tempted to disobey, to test some of the exciting information she’d received about fooling around, but she thought it best not to press her luck. Beside, she was a good filly. She wouldn’t—or at least she knew she shouldn’t risk hurting their friendship like that, no matter how strong the new urges were. The thought of pressing her luck lingered despite Sweetie’s decision, and it left her uneasy.
When Fluttershy returned to her senses she felt the ache again. It was bearable, she thought, but she felt she’d need to talk to Twilight very soon. She opened her eyes and saw the white filly watching her, still seated on her haunches, a small guardian angel, she thought. “Thank you for being patient, Sweetie.”
“Are you ... okay?” The little unicorn looked at her with concern.
Strictly speaking, she didn't feel okay, but she wouldn't worry her foal. “I'm better than okay now. I have you.” It wasn't a total lie. The pegasus was still extraordinarily happy. Sweetie returned her smile and the two rose to their hooves.
“I'll just have to be a little more careful.” Fluttershy stretched a little and sighed. “Your kisses are almost a little too wonderful, Sweetie Belle.” Fluttershy hid partly behind her mane.
Upon hearing this, Sweetie was relieved. She'd worried that the pegasus might not have liked it as much as she had. Now, the filly stepped to Fluttershy's side. “Whether it's kissing or anything else, I'm glad I have you to do it with, special somepony!” Their last two kisses played fresh in her memory, and a goofy grin like the one Snails wore when thinking about pudding appeared on Sweetie Belle's face. “But I really do like the kissing.”
The day was still young and there was plenty Fluttershy had planned for the two. Their romantic tangent couldn't have gone better—unless it were perhaps not so terribly risky, thought Fluttershy—but Sweetie's nap would mean they'd have to hurry through their next couple chores.
Being naturally quiet, it struck the shy mare as odd that Sweetie barely talked as much as she did and only when spoken to. So much had happened so quickly, thought Fluttershy. It made sense for Sweetie to be pensive.
At each chore, Sweetie seemed more focused, rather than pensive, however, more eager to check her flank, and quick to ask the next task as soon as they'd finished. They had nearly caught up with Fluttershy's schedule by the time they stopped for lunch.
“I hope you're hungry!” Fluttershy set their plates down on the table in her breakfast nook. Sweetie eyed the hay fries and portion of mushroom pie hungrily.
“Oh, yes! Thank you, Fluttershy!”
The two dug in.
Several minutes later, as the hay fries dwindled, Sweetie looked up from her plate to see Fluttershy gazing at her. Reflexively, the young mare looked away, timid at being caught admiring the foal, but she looked back again partly through her mane. Now, it was alright to be caught looking a little.
Sweetie felt a fluttering inside and suddenly wanted nothing more than to cuddle up next to her special somepony. She obeyed the urge and abandoned her plate to sidle up next to the warm pegasus who blushed at the contact. Nuzzling her friend, Sweetie felt to release a pent-up sigh.
Fluttershy took the filly under her wing. “You seemed quieter after we left the forest edge. Is anything the matter, Sweetie?”
The young filly didn’t answer right away—wasn’t sure she should answer. “I ... kind of have a secret.”
“Oh! I don’t want to pry,” the pegasus replied politely, though she was only the more curious.
“No, it’s okay.” Sweetie’s tone was a tad melancholy. “I want to tell you, it’s just, I’m a little embarrassed.”
“Oh, I see.” Fluttershy considered what to say. “Well ... it’s alright to feel embarrassed, but, if you tell me what’s on your mind, I promise,” Fluttershy let herself pry after all ... very gently, “I’ll love you the same. If you don't want to, that's okay too, but I’ll be happy that you trust me ... i-if you do.”
The filly felt reassured and grateful for the mare’s kindness. The gentle prompting made opening up much easier. “Well ... first, this part's not really a secret, but I—I mean, even though I know you like me and you like that I’m ... little, I still wish I were big enough that you'd ... want to marry me soon ... instead of waiting. I know getting married soon isn't really a good idea, and I guess it's still early to ... be sure marriage is right for us, but that doesn’t help how I feel deep down.”
Fluttershy looked a bit sad at this, but only pondered it silently.
Sweetie continued. “And second, well ... It’s been ... almost two hours since we kissed, and ... I ... I can’t stop thinking about it ... a-about what it would be like to ... have sex—like an itch that doesn't go away. I’m worried that ... maybe that’s bad, or maybe I’m bad, b-because ... what you said. That it should only be with somepony you know will stay with you forever ... and when we’re both ready, but, even though I know that, I—maybe I’m ... bad.”
Fluttershy’s heart broke to see the filly’s eyes glisten and hear her doubt. “Sweetie ... I’m so sorry I put you through this.” The pegasus spoke with true regret. “It’s my fault I didn’t stop kissing you sooner. I knew the consequences, and you didn’t, and now, well—” Fluttershy stopped herself and took a breath “—what you're feeling is completely natural. It's ... okay. Your—well ... everypony thinks about sex a little w-when they're with somepony they like that way. Some think about it more than others, but it doesn't mean you're bad. You're the best filly I know!”
Fluttershy wished she could say more. She realized more and more how inadequate she really was to instruct Sweetie in matters of attraction and self control—matters that weren't usually taught by a pony's prospective lover in the first place, but, she thought, were ideally learned together with some basic knowledge already laid for their foundation, which the filly lacked.
Sweetie Belle looked up at Fluttershy with wide eyes. “But then ... why do I feel like ... now, when I'm with you, I ... can't stop thinking about it?” What did it say about her that she couldn't turn that feeling off and make it go away until the time was right? As much as she wanted to believe Fluttershy and felt comforted knowing the pegasus still accepted her, it wasn’t enough to quell her self doubt.
The pegasus struggled for something to say. “The thoughts ... feelings ... I guess, before marriage, they ... well ... guide you to somepony you'll connect to, hopefully. I guess the feelings are strong because ... we're supposed to ... sex is just that important for us ... But, umm ... I'm sorry. I've never been very good at ... at dealing with the feelings myself, you know?”
Fluttershy tilted her head down to offer the filly a comforting nuzzle, and Sweetie reciprocated. Their mutual turmoil ceased with the intimate gesture until, after a few moments, the pegasus paused and began to pull back—to return again to life and its trials. Sweetie reached as she did, nuzzling Fluttershy as she withdrew, begging her silently not to leave the moment, and Fluttershy paused again. Her spine tingled, she leaned back into the nuzzle, and, as she did, Sweetie leaned a bit farther and met her lips with her own. A current ran between them and, caught off guard, Fluttershy froze. Locked in her filly’s kiss, she was torn again between the right and the wrong that she both wanted.
A kiss or two couldn’t hurt could it? Fluttershy reasoned. But the floodgates were opening now. Fluttershy tried to pull back, to break the kiss, but a fiercer part of her instead parted her lips and pressed them down longingly into Sweetie’s.
This time the development caught Sweetie off guard. The older pony’s firm but gentle tongue tasted her lips, politely requesting the same, sending the filly's head spinning and exciting her in more ways than one. If she hadn't felt it before, at the forest edge, she might have been frightened. If she didn't trust Fluttershy implicitly, the little pony would have questioned. Instead, Sweetie relaxed, her eyes closed, and she parted her lips in return. Their taste buds experienced the subtle saltiness of hay fries and savor of mushrooms from a new perspective. Each wanted more, not of the flavors, but of soft lips and her partner’s eager tongue. For a short but intense half-minute each satisfied their want.
Heart pounding, breathing heavily, Sweetie broke their first tongue kiss to recuperate, and they saw each other clearly, mare and foal, both now equally desperate. At the back of Fluttershy’s mind the part that had fought for so long to stay faithful to her ideals still hoped just as desperately that she would stop—still tried to remember the noble sentiments she felt earlier that day. She loved the filly. Sweetie loved her. That meant ... something she couldn’t recall right now.
The pegasus withdrew her wing, turned, and, with a foreleg, nudged the small unicorn who let herself be guided away from the table. The couch would be much better.
Fluttershy thought of where this was headed. Now free of the kiss, she paused and fought with herself; she thought about Twilight. If she stopped now, she needn’t be alone, but if she kept going she could wind up wrecking everything she really cared about. She could wind up truly alone. The pegasus turned her gaze away from the couch to see that Sweetie was already looking up at her, waiting for an explanation or some instruction.
“Sweetie, I ... I feel r—I feel like I want to ... do some things with you, show you some things that are ... sexual.” Fluttershy felt a little awkward but still confident. Her foal wasn't judgmental of the proposal. The filly looked steadily back at her mentor and nodded. She understood. She wanted it as well. This, like Fluttershy said, was what ponies did when they loved each other.
“But,” the pegasus continued, “part of me thinks ... I mean, part of me knows that we’re not ready.” There was a pregnant pause. “What do you think we should do? What ... what do you want to do?” Fluttershy smiled at the filly, but her eyes were filled with concern.
Sweetie wasn’t used to being asked for her input by grownups, but it felt good, and, more importantly, it felt right, now, that Fluttershy consulted with her, even if it was a bit scary. She just didn’t want to make the wrong choice.
“I ...” Sweetie had to think hard. Her gaze turned downward. There was still so much she didn’t understand, at least a dozen burning questions still turned in her mind and a hundred thoughts about what she wanted and what might lay ahead. “I ... don’t think we’re ready either, but ...” She looked back up at Fluttershy, and her emerald eyes pled. She wanted the good feelings she'd begun to notice by the forest to grow, to satisfy her itch; she wanted to live up to both her and Fluttershy’s expectations, and she wanted guidance, whatever sort it may be. “I want it still ... I want you to show me and teach me a-about sex.”
Silently, Fluttershy walked the filly to the couch where they sat on their tails.
“But, what you said earlier—that if you share the feelings with somepony you trust to be with you for life, you'll both be happy ... and neither of us are ready”—her thoughts came out disorganized but made sense to the young mare regardless—“Fluttershy, what will happen if we do anything right now?”
The pegasus turned her gaze from Sweetie to look off into space. “Probably ... maybe ... something terrible.”
The unicorn seemed to look at whatever it was Fluttershy did, pondering the question and her response, then turned back to the young mare. Fluttershy looked defeated. From her posture to the way she peered sadly from the corner of her eye down at Sweetie Belle, she looked truly like the last of her will had been spent. Sweetie's heart broke.
“What—what if—” could there be any other way, she wondered “—something terrible doesn't happen? Are you sure it will be bad?”
“I honestly—” Fluttershy honestly wished she didn't know better. It took what felt like the last ounce of her will to admit she did “—I ... am certain it would be bad.” She wished she could lie. Love prevented her. “If we kiss more, though, then soon I won't care about it, and we'll be able to pretend we're happy for a little bit, but we'll have done something very wrong for a fleeting pleasure, and, in the end, we'll both be sad that we didn't wait until the right time.”
The littler pony's heart wrenched. “Fluttershy, will you just hold me instead, then? With no kissing or touching, hold me until we both feel better and just tell me you love me again, please.”
Fluttershy's eyes glimmered faintly again with hope. She looked back at the filly directly, seeing her purity, and she loved her more ardently than she ever had. Tenderly Fluttershy embraced the foal and a tear fell on the unicorn's swirled tail. Sweetie clung to the mare next to her and was lifted as Fluttershy lay back on the comfortable couch so that, like at the forest edge, the unicorn lay against her soft barrel, close to her neck.
“I do love you, Sweetie Belle,” she whispered emotionally in the unicorn's ear and ran her hoof through the filly's soft mane. “I love you more than I can ever tell you right now.”
“I love you too, Fluttershy.” Sweetie squeezed her as tightly as she could, and Fluttershy felt whole during those bliss-filled seconds. She returned the squeeze, and the two rested quietly in each other’s warm embrace. Fluttershy’s tension eased, and she let herself relax, exhausted from her late preparations yesterday, her early wake-up call from Twilight that morning, and everything that had happened that day. She was grateful she’d left the last half of their day more open, that most of their chores were already taken care of.
“Sweetie?” Fluttershy’s voice sounded almost groggy.
“Yes, Fluttershy?”
“I’ve been thinking about how we could get married sooner, and ... I think, the only way we could is if Twilight helps us ... but it’s very risky. If she doesn’t understand that you’re ready it could mean that we would never see each other again ... or for a very long time.” The pegasus paused to yawn. “Even if she does understand, it will still be hard for her to help us go against what everypony else believes is normal and right, and ... if your sister or parents or your friends disapprove, would you still want to be married then, even if they were angry with us?” In her exhaustion, Fluttershy asked the the question more to herself than to Sweetie—continued to think aloud rather than wait for an answer. “It's very rare that two fillies marry, without a colt, at least. Would you want to eventually marry a stallion too ... if we had to?”
The ticking of Fluttershy’s wall clock filled the cottage while the little unicorn considered the possible road blocks to what she wanted. She was happy to hear that Fluttershy was considering it, after all, but Sweetie hadn’t fully realized the consequences. She felt scared, suddenly, to lose Fluttershy, not just as her new and first special somepony, but as a friend. If the only way to be with her meant running away with her, could she do that? Would she have the heart to leave behind her family and friends? Sweetie had entirely missed Fluttershy's last question, preoccupied with the first.
Minutes passed, and the unicorn still couldn’t answer. In her distraction she hadn’t noticed Fluttershy’s breathing change, but now she noticed the deep inhalations. Tired and pleasantly full from lunch, the pegasus had drifted to sleep. Sweetie Belle called to her in a voice just above a whisper. ... No response.
Even though it wasn’t an answer to Fluttershy’s question, Sweetie’s musing had at least helped her decide that, one, she loved Fluttershy even if her family and the whole town disapproved, and, two, their relationship indeed needed to be kept secret until they were ready to try relying on Twilight Sparkle. How long would that be, though? Anything felt too long to Sweetie Belle.
Proper answers could wait while the pegasus slept, she decided, so Sweetie took a minute to let the burdensome thoughts melt away while she relished her fillyfriend's warmth.
She nuzzled the mare's neck and ran her hooves across her sides greedily. The filly's caresses elicited a soft moan-like sigh from her friend. The noise made Sweetie grow slightly warmer, and the little filly suddenly recalled another time Fluttershy had let down her guard as supervisor. She remembered the naughty feeling she’d had the night she and her friends had snuck out of bed on a mission to save Elizabeak the chicken, and the urge hit her to take advantage of the situation now, as they had then.
Sweetie normally wouldn’t be swayed. She knew it was wrong. Usually it took her friends’ drive to push her into mischief like they had with Babs Seed and the Summer harvest day float or with that absurd chicken-rescuing scheme. Their ideas were much more physically dangerous than she would ever desire to attempt alone. On the other hoof, Sweetie had been by far the most eager of the three when it came to their Hearts and Hooves Day debacle. It had seemed safe at the time, and romantic love was something she’d taken a keen interest in ever since she’d watched her sister begin to crush on various colts and stallions.
Sweetie only resisted temptation for a couple more minutes before curiosity and the intense excitement of being in her first romantic relationship overwhelmed the nervousness and any guilt she felt at the minor misbehavior she intended. Before she began, the young filly took one last opportunity to inhale the sleeping pegasus’s scent shamelessly—meadow grass, fragrant herbs, and a light muskiness from their morning’s work. She thought it was wonderful, to say the least!
[EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING—Scroll down to the red text to skip.]
Sweetie carefully proceeded to slide lower, feeling her fillyfriend’s developed teats caress next to her own much smaller ones. The feeling of their exposed skin touching sent shivers up her spine. Fluttershy sighed again and shifted subtly, prompting Sweetie to let the mare get used to her position for half a minute. The small belle gently caressed the pegasus's sides again, and she cooed softly.
At a snail’s pace, the filly blindly explored Fluttershy’s inner thighs and tail with her own, feeling the position of the mare’s hindquarters. Slowly and steadily, Sweetie pulled one back hoof then the next from where they rested at the pegasus’s stifles and slid them between her thighs. With another cautious pause, Sweetie took a steadying breath then inched downward once more until she felt their ends meet.
In spite of her imagination, Sweetie still had little confidence in her understanding of how actual sex was supposed to work between two fillies, but being so close s still brought her a thrill. Feeling the intense warmth of the mare’s nethers near her own caused the little foal to shudder and melt. Thinking of how a colt might position himself, Sweetie slid her back hooves apart and beneath Fluttershy’s conveniently elevated thighs as she arched her lower back to draw their most intimate parts lightly together for the first time. ... Her small body trembled.
Wanting more, Sweetie Belle clung to the pegasus and pressed herself in more firmly. She was rewarded with an intense tingling as they shared their heat directly. It felt ... simply amazing! The little unicorn stopped herself from grinding instinctively against her mature fillyfriend for fear that she might wake her, but the thrill of the risk of getting caught almost made up for the inability to move as she wished. Her body knew naturally that the pleasure could far exceed what she had imagined, however, and it continued to shudder at the contact between their genitals.
After a minute, Sweetie grew uncomfortable in the static position and relaxed, causing their bottoms to separate. Fluttershy shifted again, this time squeezing the filly’s hips between her haunches, trapping her. Sweetie grew wide-eyed as she felt Fluttershy’s forehooves suddenly against her withers, pressing her firmly against her lower body. The mare pulled her in, trying to reestablish the contact.
“Swee—Be—” The utterance nearly gave the filly a heart attack before she realized it was only sleep-talking. She laughed quietly to herself, and, after a moment, the filly grinned wider in realization. Despite being unconscious, Fluttershy also wanted more.
N-no, Sweetie fought the urge, her smile quickly pulling back into a nervous frown. She'd already done enough, hadn't she? Well ... maybe ... just a little more. It took Sweetie half a moment to decide that what Fluttershy wouldn’t remember couldn’t hurt her. Another half-moment later and Sweetie decided that, right or wrong, what Fluttershy didn’t know also couldn’t hurt her relationship with Sweetie Belle. Beside, Sweetie wanted it so badly that she thought she’d be willing to suffer the consequences later if it meant she could keep going at that moment. Do more; explore, her body urged.
Sweetie Belle drew her small pussy again toward the mare’s to make contact, but her effort was thwarted. Fluttershy’s tension pinned the little filly, limiting the reach of her hips. Sweetie Belle did the only thing she felt wouldn’t risk waking Fluttershy—she waited. It wasn’t long before the young mare did just that, and, having thought carefully meanwhile about what she wanted to do next, the filly was able to slip down between the pegasus’s hind legs.
The little unicorn passed between Fluttershy's thighs, and they spread wide so that her marehood presented itself before Sweetie’s petite muzzle. The little filly looked at it in awe. A drop of moisture clung at the very bottom toward the mare’s anus, its outer lips were rosy, and, just inside, the filly could see sparkling folds an even deeper shade of pink.
The filly sniffed once tentatively, decided the aroma was tolerable, and inhaled a bit more deeply. At such close range it reminded her of old wet hay. She recoiled a little at that and was glad that Fluttershy didn’t see her reaction. Did ponies actually enjoy licking this? Still, it couldn’t be that much worse than the worms she’d handled earlier, Sweetie thought, and, she reasoned, tasting it now would prepare her for the future and make Fluttershy’s dreams very pleasant.
Her rationalization adequate for the time being, Sweetie decided to collect more information—the better to avoid waking her friend in eager haste. The little filly carefully raised her own backside and separated her thighs just enough to slide one hoof between them. In an effort to imitate how it might feel for Fluttershy, the foal slid the edge of her hoof along her slit and into her own folds.
Oh Celestia! Why hadn’t she ever done this to herself before?!
A couple minutes later, Sweetie Belle was still focused intently on the feeling between her legs, and, in that time, she noticed suddenly, Fluttershy’s scent had become much better than tolerable. The warm scent was pleasant, even inviting. Sweetie began to wish her movements weren’t so restricted. Without disturbing Fluttershy’s rest, it was impossible to gain the speed and angle she desired for herself. Sweetie forced her hoof to withdraw once she thought she knew what she was after. She shouldn’t waste an opportunity like this exploring herself while she still had Fluttershy’s secrets to uncover anyway, she thought.
Compared to her mature friend, Sweetie's own scent was weaker, closer to the scent of normal perspiration with a hint of that afternoon’s bowel movement. Sweetie thought it odd that, though the trace of fecal aroma disgusted her a little out of habit, it wasn't nearly as bad as she'd thought it would be. Upon tasting the wetness from her own hoof, Sweetie confirmed a mild saltiness (she had expected as much) plus a mild sweetness.
Finally, the young filly lowered her nethers, sat on her haunches, and turned her attention back to Fluttershy. Having given it some time to rest, she noticed her fillyfriend’s place had lost some of its color. The little filly decided to start by identifying the parts she'd felt on herself as closely as possible. Where to start? Sweetie Belle reached with her right hoof to the young mare's nearest teat, the bare skin warm and soft. While not nearly as full as she remembered her mother's, it certainly felt mature as she pressed it softly.
Sweetie swallowed hard and slowly began to run her hoof back toward herself and the shy pony's moist area. She watched the pegasus closely, afraid that stimulating the sensitive spot might wake her. Sweetie felt warmth spread from her cheeks and nethers to the rest of her body, head to tail, and the near constant fluttering inside of her spiked as her hoof rested over her goal, the mature filly's slit. Despite expecting the increased warmth of her friend's spot, feeling the intensity of the other pony's heat still surprised her a little. With trepidation, the foal slid her hoof down one labia and parted the mare’s folds. Fluttershy’s hind leg twitched, and she breathed in abruptly.
Sweetie Belle froze and panicked. Hyperaware of their surroundings, Sweetie watched and listened closely. The sound of birdsong outside made its way faintly into the living room, a bumblebee cast its shadow from outside the front room window as it flew past, but Fluttershy remained still and silent thereafter. With a sigh of relief, Sweetie proceeded to closely examine the mare parts before her.
Nothing came as too much of a surprise, but that didn’t lessen Sweetie Belle's fascination or excitement. The unicorn filly had never seen her own parts so closely, and she’d certainly never looked inside before. As Sweetie inspected Fluttershy, the aroma quickly grew stronger, and the color and swelling returned more noticeably than before. She suddenly felt a bit lightheaded. Fluttershy looked so ... deep. Sweetie tried to imagine a colt’s thing going in, but it didn’t quite add up to her. How could something so apparently floppy go in as far as Apple Bloom made it sound?
Sweetie mused and explored quietly for what seemed like only a short time to her when the cuckoo clock sounded at half-past the hour. Time had flown by. If she was going to do it, thought Sweetie, she’d better get on with it. The filly took one last look and a deep breath, extended her small tongue, and met the pegasus’s outer lips. One small lap caused the pegasus to tremble lightly and her lower body to tense subtly. The taste wasn’t exactly bad. ... Sweetie lapped again, this time deep between the folds. She again appreciated the warmth. The smell and taste were alright, but the texture ...
Sweetie Belle pulled back, squinting at the unpleasantly mucous sensation of her fillyfriend’s vaginal secretions, and rubbed her tongue on the roof of her mouth. Saliva welled up, and she felt the need to spit, but there was no place to do so without making a mess. Squeezing her eyes shut, Sweetie forced herself to swallow against her gag reflex. Maybe she would avoid there for now. There was a special spot instead, fortunately, that didn’t have quite as much wetness, which, Sweetie discovered, felt extra good on herself when she’d rubbed it. Sweetie quickly discovered that prodding and licking the spot caused the pegasus to emit soft happy moans and the occasional whispering “y-yes!” between erratic breathing. Amused by this, Sweetie found the spot rather fun to play with.
Less than a minute of teasing and the inexperienced foal felt dizzy with the thrill of the taboo and her own arousal. Wanting more she lowered her muzzle and took the nub in her mouth entirely to suck at it like a treat. Very soon Fluttershy began to arch her back and pant heavily. Not knowing for sure what to make of this, Sweetie was concerned that she might be hurting the vulnerable pegasus. If that were the case though, why hadn’t she woken up?
Sweetie Belle stopped, a bit nervous at the thought, and was shocked next at what she heard. “P-Please—” gasp “—d-don’t stop, Sweetie!” Fluttershy pleaded softly, whimpering.
Sweetie Belle saw that the pegasus’s eyes were closed tight. “F-Fluttershy?!” she called softly, hoping vainly. “Are—have y—are you awake?! ” The filly was petrified at what she feared might come next.
“Please, don’t stop!” the pegasus reiterated, this time an urgent whisper. Whether she was awake or not, the foal couldn’t tell for sure. She knew what she wanted to believe, but, either way, she felt compelled to heed the request. Once again, she lowered her soft lips to the tender mare’s sweet spot and drew it into her mouth.
Sweetie’s head had cleared a little with the shock, and she now began to consider what was happening more objectively. As she sucked, the enormity of the risk she'd been taking with this act dawned on her. She recalled her friend’s expression before it had all started, the pain she’d seen at her guilt for letting Sweetie get so close, and Sweetie thought of the very real harm she might be doing at that very moment if her friend were conscious. She couldn’t continue without knowing. The filly stopped sucking, once more leaving the pegasus to whimper. This time Fluttershy made no request for her to keep going, however.
“I—I’m sorry Fluttershy,” the filly’s voice trembled with remorse for what she’d set into motion. “I’ll keep going, but ... only if you admit that you’re awake and ... o-only if you really want me to.”
Fluttershy’s features twisted as though she’d been given something bitter to consume. Moments that felt like minutes passed and, finally, the young mare’s eyelids twitched beneath her furrowed brow. Her eyes opened, her chin tilted downward, and her gaze met Sweetie Belle’s who, despite her suspicions, was shocked again to see her fear confirmed.
“O-okay. ... I—I really do. P-please, Sweetie.” Blush and shame painted themselves thickly across the timid mare’s face, and her eyes shifted as she found it difficult to continue looking at the foal. Sweetie swallowed anxiously and felt her heart race, but she obeyed.
Neither Sweetie nor Fluttershy attempted to make eye contact as the filly again pulled the intimate part inside her mouth and suckled it. Again, the mare panted, her back tensed and, with nothing left to hide, she let herself squirm a little.
“Oh, yes!” Fluttershy's exclamations were soft but no longer whispered, and soon she became vocal with her panting. It sounded to Sweetie almost like her friend had swallowed a squeaker. The filly tried to enjoy it as she had, to make the best of her mistake, but her pleasure, even the comic effect of Fluttershy’s increasingly rapid squeaking, were marred by the guilt she couldn’t help but feel.
Suddenly, Fluttershy’s noise stopped. Something warm gushed onto Sweetie Belle’s chin, the pegasus’s wings spasmed beneath her, she gasped, and then exploded with a loud moan she couldn’t control. The little filly faltered, convinced that this time she must have hurt her friend.
“Don’t stop!” Fluttershy was no longer quiet but emphatic and noisy. Startled, Sweetie Belle, abruptly, more forcefully than intended, clamped her lips and drew her small tongue roughly around the flesh. The mare yelped loudly and then managed to lower her volume. “S-ah! Softer!” Sweetie Belle obeyed again, and, subsequently, the mare released moan after delighted moan, this time at a more moderate volume.
“Ahh! Sweetie, yes! Good! Eh-even softer now, please!” Sweetie stopped sucking and instead drew her tongue tenderly over and around the nub. The change brought about a new sensation for the yellow pony and sent her pleasure skyrocketing again into a second orgasm.
Several bliss-filled moans later, sighing and panting, Fluttershy brought her right forehoof lovingly to Sweetie Belle’s mane. The unicorn looked up, finally, and saw her mentor’s tender, appreciative smile. The smile faded as Fluttershy saw tears in Sweetie Belle’s eyes.
“Oh! You ... you can stop now, Sweetie.” Fluttershy brought her hoof down to the filly’s jaw, caressing her cheek as she did, and, as Fluttershy raised her chin, Sweetie Belle relinquished the young mare’s thoroughly pleasured love button.
Not even the foal’s apparent sadness could subdue the older pony’s high, but it did taint it. Fluttershy sat up, and, with compassionate eyes, smiled at the filly. Fluttershy wiped her cum from the little filly’s chin and leaned in to kiss her. Sweetie reciprocated only halfheartedly.
[EXPLICIT CONTENT END]
When the mare pulled back, the foal briefly attempted a smile in return, but her eyes leaked more tears, the corners of her mouth fell, and she lowered her head to cover it with her forehooves while she cried. Fluttershy’s happiness waned, and she couldn't help but raise Sweetie into a hug.
“Shh! There there.” Fluttershy lowered herself to speak softly into the foal’s ear. “You did amazing, Sweetie Belle.”
The little filly quieted and sniffled then looked up at Fluttershy. “I—You’re not—” sniff “—angry?”
Fluttershy shook her head, but stopped and nodded when she realized, “I’m angry at myself, but not you.”
“Wh-why were you yelling then?”
“O-oh!” Still high, the pegasus had to hold back a giggle. “I, um—that’s ... normal wh-when ponies get to the very best parts of sex. It just means it feels really good. I’m so sorry, Sweetie! I would have explained it to you before, but it was sort of, um ... well, I thought I could control it if I ... kept on acting like I was asleep, and I—I’m really sorry I didn’t admit I was awake right away too.” Fluttershy couldn’t help but pause at the odd poignant mix of deepening sorrow with the extreme high of her sexual satisfaction, “I, well ...” she attempted to explain herself, “I was just surprised, and I didn’t know what to do, a-and then I didn’t want you to stop. Uhm ... I guess I made that part obvious. But it was rude of me to fall asleep in the first place, Sweetie. I’m responsible for everything that happened. I'm terribly sorry!”
“Oh,” was all Sweetie could say in response, nonplussed. After a moment’s contemplation, she sniffled again and sat up. “I thought you were really mad at me.” Sweetie swallowed the last of her tears, “But why would you be mad at yourself and not mad at me? I’m the one who ... did what I shouldn’t have. I’m ... a bad filly.” Sweetie’s eyes watered again and she buried her face in Fluttershy’s coat to sob anew at the guilty admission.
Something other than her already aching heart fractured in the kind mare. It started deep and unseen by the foal.
For every bit of pleasure Fluttershy had felt, for the immense satisfaction she'd had, and for the intensely close feeling she'd briefly enjoyed with the foal, Fluttershy’s sorrow and guilt grew and compounded on itself. The feeling was unreal. It wouldn’t stop. She couldn’t escape, and, as she saw what she'd let happen to Sweetie Belle, it all had become absolutely unbearable. Seconds passed as it crashed down on her, and she gasped once.
“I—” Fluttershy’s eyes watered, and her voice shook almost violently. The kind mare lost herself, and, as she did, she released a slow sigh. “Sweetie.” She suddenly sounded calm but distant, a thousand miles away.
Fluttershy’s forelegs had loosened, weakened, trembled, and finally gone limp. The little filly looked up from her mentor’s chest with large glistening eyes. Something was terribly wrong with the pegasus. Her eyes looked cold ... extremely cold. Sweetie felt them pierce her, freeze her so that she could neither move nor speak nor break eye contact. Suddenly, the little filly could barely breathe. Fluttershy looked down on the stunned filly and began to crane her head closer. Sweetie was compelled to lean away, to lie back. She shrank in inexplicable fear at the effect of Fluttershy’s gaze, and, soon, Fluttershy had risen to tower over the filly.
The very instant that Fluttershy began to slide her hoof from the filly’s blank flank toward her crotch, a blindfolded bunny bounced abruptly between the pair. The pegasus’s eyes changed almost as quickly from ice to fire, staring daggers that, debatably, might actually have killed the small lapine figure except for the fact that his blindness made him immune.
Fluttershy blinked once, frustrated, then again, uncertain, and then again, confused, before Angel Bunny’s stern frown and furrowed brow had any effect on her. The bunny perched on Sweetie Belle’s face, forcing the filly to shut her own eyes and Fluttershy to lose her lock on the foal. Suddenly, Fluttershy gasped. “I—I’m sorry! I have to go, Sweetie—right now!” Fluttershy bolted for the door. “Leave when you want to,” came the pegasus’s final words before she took flight from the cottage almost as quickly as Rainbow might fly in a race of life or death.
Hearing his owner depart, Angel Bunny lifted the blindfold and hopped off the foal’s face to the far side of the couch to give her some space. Sweetie Belle’s eyes fluttered open, and, freed, she quickly began panting and shaking. Tears resumed their flow from earlier, now intensified by additional trauma. “W-w-wh-what in-n Equestria j-just ha-happened?”
Fluttershy drew back her hoof as if to pound on the door of Golden Oak Library but at the last second held back, knocking gently. Usually the town library was open at this hour. Despite it being lunch time, Twilight and Spike took turns helping patrons.
No answer came until, desperately, Fluttershy knocked a second time more firmly. Spike answered the door, a couple of crumbs on his face and a napkin tied around his neck like a bib. He appeared annoyed until he saw Fluttershy’s expression.
“Oh, Fluttershy. It’s ... What’s wrong?!”
“T-Twilight—” pant “—I need—to talk—to Twilight,” she managed breathlessly.
“Um ... Twilight's with Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo right now. I could—”
“Please, send her a note—Just tell her that—I need her.”
The little dragon didn’t question the frantic yellow mare, but let her inside. Within the minute, Twilight materialized inside the library. Seeing her friend’s state, she ran to her and hugged her. Fluttershy immediately let loose the sobs she’d held back.
Twilight looked briefly back at Spike with a serious expression. “You remember what we talked about? This stays quiet, understood?”
“Yes, Ma’am!” Spike saluted dutifully.
Twilight turned her full attention back to the friend she held sobbing into her shoulder, squeezed her for several more seconds, and broke their embrace to awkwardly fold one of her new wings around the yellow pony and guide her up to the privacy of her loft.
Author's Note
Revision published: 28 January 2015
Original Note:
As it happens, it seems I've set this fic at a lucky spot chronologically between Equestria Girls and the season 4 premier, specifically the spring before the Summer Sun Celebration of s4 and some time after the princess summit of EqG.
I'm going with that I think, but may still change and rewrite some bits and pieces if need be to fit in better.
Edit - 12/31/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and voice.
To readers who finished Chapter 5 before 28 January 2015,
This chapter was formerly part of Chapter 5, but was split off on 1/28/15.
Over the following week Twilight would have mixed feelings about letting the two use her library as a rendezvous point for quasi-dates, but, from the first day to the last, both Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle proved to dutifully respect her wishes that all communication be publicly appropriate—the frequency of nuzzling and side-by-side contact remained reasonable considering the circumstances. It helped that the library was public, of course, an environment where their activities could be scrutinized by more than just Twilight, whom, occasionally, would be required to pop out briefly for this and that. During those times, she would let the rules slide a little, trusting, based on good behavior, that her constant supervision wasn’t necessary.
Every day, the two came as soon as their respective duties had been fulfilled. Most days, Twilight would devote about an hour each to Fluttershy, Sweetie Belle, and then finally both together within the privacy of her shielded loft. In order not to draw attention, Twilight began to cast an illusion spell in front of her shield that made the loft appear normal and empty.
It was there, in the comfort of a couch and armchair which Twilight had added to her room, that she and Fluttershy, by themselves now, held their first of that week’s one-on-one counseling sessions.
Already past the pleasantries, Twilight arrived at the point of their meeting. “Today, if you don't mind, Fluttershy,” Twilight spoke softly but with deliberate clarity and straightforwardness for the topic she wanted to address, “I'd like to know more about why, after Sweetie Belle told you she felt bad, you felt the urge to ... rape her.”
Fluttershy squirmed a little, but remained calm on the soft couch. “I ... I don't mind, or, well, at least ... I knew I'd need to talk about this.” The pegasus let out a larger sigh than she'd intended. “W-well ... you might say, it started a long time ago. You see, what I've ... n-never told anypony before, n-not even you or Sweetie Belle, is that when I was very little, I ... m-masturbated, um ... a lot ... and, n-not only that, but I was somewhat sexually active in ... other ways as well.” The pony's tone was weak and timid.
Despite her deep embarrassment, Fluttershy pressed on with faith in Twilight to try and understand. The lavender pony nodded, listening closely with only positive regard for her friend.
A small Fluttershy galloped atop an expansive cloud cover with other foals. A bright red hue tinted the yellow pegasus's cheeks. Excitement coursed through her as she raced from her pursuers for a while and then, amid fits of giggling, she slowed to a frolic and let herself be caught.
The faster of the two young colts assailed her, taking her at an angle by the rump and causing her to stumble and fall flat into the soft cloud surface. Scurrying and laughing he climbed over her and pinned her on her stomach. She offered a token struggle, prolonging the game, but a moment later backup arrived. Gleeful and panting, she waited for the inevitable plunder and wasn’t disappointed.
“Kiss her on the lips! On the lips!” he giggled. Fluttershy shut her eyes and surrendered her lips to the second colt who took his prize with a swack before skipping back. The colt above her pecked her cheek as well before beating his wings to help him jump away.
Left at last to escape, the little filly trotted dazedly back to base, a column around which other fillies claimed shelter, counting out the duration of their sanctuary before they’d be required to run for several more seconds.
The rules were arbitrary except that the point of the game was to run and either be caught or prove faster than the enemy. Why or how kissing first came to be a part of the game, Fluttershy couldn’t guess, but, on the occasion that a game of ordinary tag escaped the teachers’ notice long enough, a mischievous colt or two would often be heard calling “Kiss tag! Colts on fillies!” turning the game into something Fluttershy enjoyed perhaps more than any other she knew how to play.
“Well, umm ... That's just an example, really. There are a lot of things I did growing up, a-and,” Fluttershy's voice reduced nearly to a whisper, “things I've done recently too, that are more than just embarrassing foalhood games ... I mean, shameful things I'd rather n-not talk about ... u-unless you feel it's really n—necessary.”
Twilight nodded sympathetically. “It's alright for now, Fluttershy. I do think we'll eventually have to talk about it, but only when you feel comfortable doing so. Everything in due time.”
Fluttershy appeared relieved and was thankful.
“I know you'd do the same for me, Fluttershy.” Twilight smiled before turning serious again. “I’m really interested in your past, and I'm certain it's an important part of who you are now, but, so far, I don't think this really explains why you would want to rape Sweetie Belle. ... What was it exactly that you were thinking and feeling about the time you decided you wanted to rape her? And what kinds of things, specifically, did you imagine you were going to do before you stopped?”
Fluttershy concentrated, trying to put into words what the experience had been like. “I, well ... I’m ... sorry if I put this bluntly, Twilight.” Her ears flattened, and she swallowed her shame. Twilight shook her head and reminded her that she wouldn’t think less of her. “I-I ... wanted to force her to ... have an orgasm ... or multiple, if possible. ... It’s just, when she said she was ‘bad’ for having broken the rules it ... it broke my heart, but worse. I felt like ... all the shame in my past, I saw in—in her. ... I ... I’m sorry, Twilight, but I don’t know if I even understand it myself, or ... much less, whether I can explain it.”
Twilight nodded and considered the information. “What I'd like right now, if you'll please trust me on this,” Twilight proposed, “is to know whether you've ever been ... uhm ... hurt, badly, or abused in any way. Is there any time you can think of when you feel like that's happened?”
Fluttershy pondered only briefly. “W-well ... I was never fiddled with by an older pony when I was little or anything, actually, but, uhm ... again, once, while playing kiss tag ...”
Fluttershy counted down quickly at base, not needing to wait long for her own recovery and not caring at all to stay safe. The teachers were especially distracted this recess which allowed the sunny little pegasus the opportunity to be chased, caught, and peppered with kisses to her heart’s content! She enjoyed one colt’s attention in particular and secretly made it her goal to be caught as often as possible by him.
Though she knew that the teachers forbade it and some of her peers teased about cooties, no shame touched the foal’s vibrant heart back in that day—only the thrill of running, of drawing the attention of the colts that chased her, and feeling herself tingle inside as they took her so eagerly. With every capture, Fluttershy felt that warm excitement rise.
Again, she sprinted from base and ran close to the colt she desired. To Fluttershy’s satisfaction, Sunburst pursued and tackled her quickly from the side, and the two rolled together. This time pinned on her back, the yellow filly smiled dreamily up at her yellow-orange captor. His wavy mane reminded her of caramel, and his eyes were like the clear blue sky. Mirth filled them now as he exclaimed, panting.
“I got you again, Fluttershy!” He leaned down swiftly to kiss her firmly on the lips, but, rather than remain still this time, Fluttershy extended her forelegs without thinking, holding his elbows, latching onto him so that, when he attempted to pull back, she pulled herself up and locked him in place, maintaining the contact between their lips.
After several seconds, Fluttershy let Sunburst go, and the colt looked down at her with wide-eyed surprise. Realizing what she’d done, her ears folded back, and she looked away, mortified. An unexpected peck on the cheek caused her to snap back. Looking up at Sunburst, Fluttershy went wide-eyed for a moment in return, and, seeing the colt’s smile, she felt her own youthful effervescence return instantly. They both giggled.
“That’s double! Now you’re it, Fluttershy. I betchya can’t catch me!” Sunburst hopped off of Fluttershy and readied himself to run, watching first to see that she’d take the invitation to chase him. It took her only a second, upon rolling off her back, to decide that the new rule simply must be obeyed.
“I’m gonna get you back now!” she yelped excitedly before her eyes suddenly became determined, and she poised herself to spring forward.
Sunburst booked it, and Fluttershy bolted after him. As if one mind, Sunburst led Fluttershy, galloping to exactly the place she desired. At the most remote corner of the cloudy school yard, she chased him around a large cloudy mound. Now, Fluttershy determined, was the time to overtake her target. Catching up easily, she flanked him and then leapt sideways to topple her laughing playmate and pin him on his back.
For once on top, Fluttershy looked down at the grinning colt beneath her and stopped to think a moment before realizing it was she this time who would get to spoil the prey. Her timidness finally began to show through a little. Blushing redder than usual, her ears folded back again and she hesitated a moment before at last planting a long firm smooch on the willing colt’s mouth.
When they separated for air, Fluttershy didn’t release Sunburst, but she dared not kiss him again. As a filly, she wasn’t supposed to want the kiss, or, at least, she had to pretend not to want it. Whoever decided that rule obviously had no understanding of what Fluttershy felt at that moment.
Reluctantly, Fluttershy shifted to release Sunburst, but, to her surprise, this time he held her in place.
“N-no, wait, Fluttershy!”
He pulled himself up by her elbows, like she had before, and kissed her again briefly on the lips.
“Now we’re both it, okay?”
She thought about it for a second and then nodded, smiling coyly.
“... so then, behind the cloud mound, where the adults couldn’t see us, we kissed some more ... a-a lot more, I mean. ...”
Fluttershy no longer bothered standing over Sunburst, but instead rested on top of him, the mutually soft coats and skin of their bellies creating a very pleasant friction. As they exchanged pecks and nuzzles both felt warmth grow steadily between their hind legs, travel up their spines, and fill their heads with warm fuzz.
Responding naturally to the sensation, the two brought their nethers closer. Fluttershy felt Sunburst’s small limp member brush against her soft foal belly once, and, in a matter of heartbeats, it grew. Surprised and a little alarmed at the feeling of his warm growing stiffness near her own nethers, Fluttershy eeped and rolled abruptly off of the colt.
“W-wait!” Sunburst objected to her stopping. “Th-that felt good.”
Looking down, Fluttershy saw something that made her gasp. “Oh no! S-Sunburst! Are you alright?!” The thing looked terribly swollen to her compared to what it usually was, but, blushing, the young colt nodded.
“It um ... it just grew some, is all.” He looked down at himself to see the familiar light orange shaft with caramel spots. “It does that sometimes ... but I don’t really know why, um ... except ...” Sunburst mumbled incoherently at the end.
Fluttershy relaxed when Sunburst didn’t seem to be upset and heard him explain that it wasn’t the first time this had happened. “W-what did you say at the end?” Fluttershy was suddenly fascinated.
“Erm ... If I, uhm ... touch myself there a lot,” his embarrassment was plain, but Fluttershy's interest encouraged him, “it feels good, and it grows for a little while.” He giggled nervously, causing his colthood to bob.
Fluttershy's gaze was fixed on the body part. “I-is it ... alright if—” they both knew well enough that her request was taboo “—I mean, do you mind if I ... t-touch it?”
“Uhm ... N-no. I-I guess I ... don't mind. ... It does feel good a-after—after all.” Sunburst swallowed nervously as Fluttershy's hoof extended.
“We thought we were alone, but ... but there was a teacher who stopped me just then. Th-they'd watched just as the kissing stopped and saw me on top, and I got in big trouble. Both of us did, really ... except that, because I was the one the teacher saw on top and then ... they saw me about to touch him ... well, Sunburst was scared of getting in trouble. I don't blame him at all for putting all of the blame on me.” Fluttershy's tone was sad.
“I was sent to the office and had to sit for a long time on an uncomfortable chair while they called ... my mother.” Suddenly Fluttershy sounded plastic, rehearsed. Her mouth became expressionless, and her eyes betrayed no glimmer of emotion. “After a while, I was scolded by the principal. H-he didn't yell, but he told me that what I'd done was called sexual harassment.” Fluttershy sighed quietly before continuing.
“I was scared the whole time of what my mother would do.” Fluttershy's eyes flickered a little. “And I waited again on the uncomfortable chair until ... until she got there. ... The principal talked to her privately, if I remember right, and then I was called in again, and ... they told me—I guess they meant to scare me straight ... they told me that I was lucky the guard hadn't been called to take me away because—” Fluttershy sighed again “—what I did was against the law. And ... what they said did scare me ... pretty badly—I mean it scared me a lot, but the way Mom acted scared me more.”
Only the sound of Fluttershy's fidgeting broke the silence of an uncomfortable pause.
“She just ... was young and not very stable back then, I think, but,” the pegasus added, defending her mother, “really, she taught me what kindness was ... when she was alright, anyway. ... Mom also didn't get much help from Dad because he was busy, usually, with politics, or he was drunk, and, well ... they argued pretty often. ... Still, I think ... even though I don't like to, I blame Mom for ... hurting me then, or at least for not protecting me, and, unfortunately, that wasn't the only time I got into trouble for uhm,” Fluttershy swallowed, “sexual misbehavior, and, every time, she acted the same way with me.”
Twilight used the next pause to ask a burning question.
“What did your mother do when she found out?”
“Well ... it's hard to remember, honestly, because I ... sort of block it out, I think, but I remember she was rough taking me home that first time, and, she told me about how I deserved to be locked up away from her for years. I believed everything the adults told me, of course, especially Mom ... and then she didn't talk to me for ... about a week.” Fluttershy stated flatly, her gaze distant.
Twilight couldn't help but interrupt.
“Fluttershy, that's ... that's just ... awful! ”
Fluttershy looked almost apathetically at her friend. The purple pony's features were twisted, agonized to hear of her friend's abuse, real tears glistening in her large eyes, though Twilight held them back. The reaction in her friend caused Fluttershy an uncomfortable sensation in her stomach, and she wished that the unicorn would stop. It had been hard, certainly, but Fluttershy didn't think she deserved that kind of sympathy or, worse, pity. Still, she attempted to respond graciously, and, Fluttershy thought, maybe it was alright to admit to herself that some pity was warranted.
“It—it did hurt a lot. ... It felt like—” no, she thought. She wanted to dismiss, not acknowledge the pain, “—like my mind and my heart—” her voice quavered “—stung ... were on fire ... and nopony, not even Mom would just ... hug me and tell me it was going to be alright.”
Tears fell, and Fluttershy resisted the urge to curse herself silently for giving in. She struggled to believe that it was alright to cry about it, just a little ... only a little, though, the yellow pony thought, and, with that, she shut away the emotions as best she could, her face becoming calm again.
“You said there were other times your mother reacted that way?” Twilight coaxed gently for more.
“Yes ... I ... also remember one time, when I wrote a note ... that she found in my saddle bag, and I'd used a bad word—uhm ... 'f-fuck,' I mean—she sat me down with Dad, and when I admitted it was mine a-and that ... I had shown it to a friend at school, she cried and she told me it was bad a-and disgusting and she grounded me.” The pegasus sighed again, keeping whatever feelings that tried to surface down. “Grounding was sort of a big deal since it didn't happen often, but that wasn't so bad really, except for seeing her cry and yell at me, I guess. Dad didn't really say much, but he seemed not to be bothered about it. Maybe that would have been a comfort if I'd ... had any sort of relationship with him at all, but, well, we ... weren't close back then.
“Anyways, um ...” Fluttershy’s gaze remained distant still, “I was scared again, but that time I got angry, and I stormed off to my bedroom, and I accidentally tipped my mom's favorite vase over, and it ... shattered. Mom—she ...” the pony’s tone hinted at sorrow, but remained for the most part flat, “took everything from my room then, all of my toys, and she tossed them out of our cloud house to fall to the ground where I couldn't get to them. I remember ... I think I was most upset to see my stuffed animal collection go, but also my foalhood weather kit and dollhouse and doll clothes. Umm ... later, she let me earn back some new stuffed animals and toys, and I got really good at sewing and replaced the doll clothes, but I always missed the plushies I lost.
“Looking back now, I know she should have handled her anger and fear better. I think that the pressures of being Cloudsdale nobility, and also having been fiddled by an unkind step mother growing up, probably explains why my mother couldn't handle my, uh ... unusual sexual activity when I was a little filly ... but at least I guess I learned some sort of discipline.” Fluttershy gave a half smile, almost a smirk, at the thought of what her mother's idea of discipline had been at the time. It had been completely unreasonable, she thought, but, on the bright side, she’d learned how not to put so much value in material things then. Still, she felt it unfortunate that she hadn't been taught anything else worthwhile from her mother's tantrums.
“I wished that I could have been loved in spite of my foalhood follies,” she sighed yet again, “but ... I guess, the hurt made me more compassionate ... maybe.” The evenness of her tone stood in contrast to her statement about the foalhood trauma. “And also, like I said, Mom was very kind most of the time—” another sigh. “What's past is passed. I can't change anything about those times or other times.”
While not untrue, the sentiment still troubled Twilight deeply.
“Thank you for telling me all of this, Fluttershy. You've really been through so much!”
Twilight wondered briefly whether she'd be able to rise to the challenge of helping all of her friends if all of them had to deal with secret burdens so heavy.
“It sounds like there were other times too ...” Twilight continued her investigation.
The two blew through more than just an hour that day, discussing Fluttershy’s family, her foalhood, and her motivation behind all of yesterday’s events. At the end, the young princess gave Fluttershy an assignment.
“I’d like you to write a letter,” Twilight said, “to your foalhood self, and I’d like you to tell your foalhood self what you now wish you’d known then. What could have helped and comforted you then? Does that make sense?” Fluttershy nodded, smiling. Despite the difficulty of recounting so much, it felt good to not be alone with it any more, to have shared it outside of just her personal journal. “Good.” Twilight smiled back, satisfied. Twilight clarified that the exercise was mostly just for Fluttershy’s sake, and, if she felt like sharing, she was more than welcome, but it wasn’t necessary.
“Before I talk next with Sweetie Belle now, do you have any questions or concerns, Fluttershy?”
The pegasus thought for a moment. “Do you think ... that I can change, in time?—that ... I can find a way to cope better or let go of my ... anger and fear?”
“I have no doubt that you can change, but in time for what, exactly?” Twilight responded.
“In time ...” Fluttershy looked troubled, “to be a good spouse for Sweetie Belle, before she decides she can’t wait any more, or, if she ends up being really patient, then before she and I end up waiting—that is, being alone for the rest of her foalhood.” Fluttershy couldn’t help but feel like the question came out sounding selfish. It was in large part for her own sake, of course, that she wanted to be with Sweetie sooner rather than later. Even if her question had come across that way, Twilight knew better, fortunately.
“Oh, I see. I ... wish I knew, Fluttershy ... but, no matter what happens, if your love is true, I have every reason to at least believe ... that loneliness will vanish, and the pain of not being together will heal without leaving a mark, when the right time comes.”
Fluttershy looked down then back at Twilight. The yellow pegasus still worried about the future, but she smiled, reassured by her friend's faith that it would turn out alright.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 28 January 2015
Original Note for chapters 5 & 6:
I might take 2 extra weeks (about a month total) before I post the next chapter if I decide to participate in the foalcon group's crackship writing contest. We'll see right?
In the mean time, if you wouldn't mind, please let me know how you think (if you think) my writing has improved and if any problems have persisted through the latest chapter.
As always, thanks for reading and commenting folks!
Edit - 12/31/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and voice.
Gray clouds hung over Sweet Apple Acres and the Cutie Mark Crusaders at their club house. Apple Bloom decided it was a good idea to check the weatherproofing since a rain shower was scheduled for the day. Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle sat close to a window, staring at the overcast sky, and Scootaloo leaned on one hoof at the lunch table, boredom beginning to get the better of her.
The little orange pegasus sighed impatiently and trotted just outside the clubhouse entrance. “You sure you don't want an extra hoof up there, Apple Bloom?”
The apple-colored filly tapped a few tacks into some loose roof shingles. “No, thanks. Ah'm almost done up here, anyway. Why don't you an' Sweetie decide on some sorta' rainy day crusadin' activity while Ah finish up?”
Scootaloo peeked back at Sweetie Belle through the door, then back at Apple Bloom, before making up her mind. She had already attempted what Apple Bloom suggested not five minutes ago. The response she'd gotten when she asked if the unicorn filly had any ideas wound up trailing off with something about picnics at the end. When Scootaloo pointed out it wasn't good weather for picnicking, Sweetie just sighed. Scootaloo had suggested rafting, but, when Sweetie just “m-hmm”ed and nodded, it was obvious her friend wasn't listening.
“Sweetie Belle?” Sweetie blinked and hmm- ed, still staring out the window. The pegasus walked lightly next to her and sat to look out at whatever the unicorn was staring at—nothing but apple trees and cloudy skies. Everything looked a bit grayish. Suddenly, the winged filly felt a bit melancholy, remembering the events of two and three days ago with Rainbow and, until she'd left suddenly, Twilight Sparkle. She tried to push the thoughts aside. “Bit for your thoughts?” the pegasus pried.
Sweetie Belle looked down then back out the window, and several moments passed while she thought how to respond. Hammering was heard at intervals above their heads. “I'm mostly just thinking about a few days ago.”
“Oh ...” Sweetie looked sideways at Scootaloo who seemed to have caught whatever mood Sweetie was in, her gaze fixed outside now.
When Scootaloo didn't say anything more, Sweetie took the chance to shift the focus off herself. “How did flight training go?”
“Hmm? Flight training? Well, you know. ... ”
Sweetie Belle turned her head to better view her friend. Scootaloo wore a discouraged frown.
“Don't worry, Scootaloo. Fluttershy thinks you'll fly, even if it means you need pros—procsth—uhm ... artificial wing tips.”
Scootaloo seemed to ponder the idea briefly with a look of confusion.
“You mean prosthetic wings, I'm guessing, and,” she sighed, “I know. It's just ... most pegasi that need them can't do the amazing aerial stunts or tricks that Rainbow Dash and the Wonderbolts can. They can't really fly at all, even. I mean, without help.”
“Scoots, you aren't most pegasi.” Sweetie smiled wide at her friend. “You and Rainbow Dash have that in common, I think. Even Fluttershy said she thinks you're similar.”
Scootaloo considered her friend's words. “Really?!” Sweetie nodded, and was glad to see her effort to cheer Scootaloo paid off. “Fluttershy knew Rainbow Dash back before they even got their cutie marks!” Scootaloo's excitement was plain. “It must be true, if she said so. I mean ... sure. Rainbow Dash said it too, once, during the campout, but—you know—it's easy not to take a compliment from the nicest, coolest, all-around awesome-est pony totally seriously since, well, she could just be saying that because she wants to be nice, you know?”
Scootaloo cut her fangasm short when she noticed Sweetie's expression. She looked at Scootaloo with a smile, but her eyes were sad ... even glistening, maybe? Scootaloo wasn't good at reading ponies, but her gut told her something was up, and she always trusted her gut.
Sweetie suddenly became unsettled when Scootaloo leaned close to her, squinting and examining her eyes. “W-what is it?
“Are you ... alright, Sweetie Belle? You've been kind of distracted, and, just now, I thought—”
At that moment, Apple Bloom could be heard hopping off the roof to the landing in front of the clubhouse entrance, followed momentarily by the door opening. “Hey gals! We should be good up there when it starts t' rain later on.” Apple Bloom saw her friends staring at her as though they'd been caught off guard by her appearance. “Did Ah interrupt somethin'?
“Oh! No, not at all!” Sweetie took a few steps back from Scootaloo for comfort's sake. Her smile was plastic, but good enough to fool Apple Bloom.
“Well, didja come up with any ideas fer what we could do today?”
“Sorry,” Scootaloo responded. “We didn't think of anything, really ... except maybe rafting,” she added more energetically at the end. “When it rains, the water goes up and makes some pretty cool rapids!”
“Hmm,” Apple Bloom approached the Crusaders' map. “Well ... we could head on over to Ponyville Stream, Ah guess, but where do we find a proper raft?”
“Ponyville Stream is kind of small, actually. I was thinking we could go over to White Tail River and ask Mr. Whitewater for a raft.”
“Well, there's an idea, but do we have any funds fer rentin' a raft?”
The two looked to their treasurer. That was Sweetie's cue. “Oh! Umm,” Sweetie touched her chin, trying to recall what was left. “Actually, even though Spike gave us that gem, we went a bit past that and sort of drained our account. We only have a few bits left, unfortunately.”
“That won't cover half the price of a rental,” Apple Bloom commented.
“Well ... maybe Mr. Whitewater wouldn't mind doing us a favor for a good cause?”
“Mm,” Apple Bloom thought over the possibility, and suddenly raindrops could be heard falling outside. “Normally Ah'd agree, but, like y'all said, the rapids 'r gonna be high, n' Ah don't think he'll wanna spare a raft he could be rentin' on a day like today. Plus, White Tail River is pretty far, an' I wouldn't wanna spend an hour runnin' there n' then another hour back in the rain without the bits fer a sure shot at gettin' a raftin' cutie mark.”
Scootaloo's lips pursed and twisted, and she breathed out through them with a sigh, making a raspberry noise. “Well then, do you have any ideas?”
Apple Bloom shook her head. “Ah was thinkin' while Ah checked the roof. Ah got nothin'. What about you, Sweetie Belle?”
The unicorn hadn't really thought much about what to do. If she was honest with herself, she would rather have gone straight to the library today, but she couldn't just blow off her friends, and Twilight had talked with her just yesterday about keeping a balanced social calendar for multiple reasons, among which was to avoid raising suspicion among her family that something was much different in the young filly's life. Sweetie's friends waited for her response. ... Well, she thought, since she had the chance, maybe she'd use the opportunity to her advantage. “Maybe we could do something like writing poetry or stories. The clubhouse is leak proof now, thanks to you, Apple Bloom. We may as well enjoy it.”
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom exchanged glances.
“I guess I have kind of been wanting to try my hoof at story writing. Rainbow Dash is writing an adventure novel herself, actually!” Scootaloo bit her lower lip to help curb her fanfillying for her friends’ sake.
“Well, all right. Let’s give it a shot then. It can’t be much harder than writin’ fer the Foal Free Press,” Apple Bloom added.
Sweetie considered whether she ought to press her luck and suggest going to the library to write, but, seeing how it was already raining and she’d already pointed out the advantage of staying in the clubhouse, she decided against it.
The Crusaders had a stash of paper and quills set aside for planning and other occasions like today’s. Very soon, they’d all set themselves to the task. Scootaloo wrote of an adventuring filly and her awesome mentor. Apple Bloom wrote the story of a filly who made it big as an author and earned her cutie mark. Meanwhile, Sweetie poured out what had been on her mind all morning in the form of a simple poem.
Neither of her friends seemed like the type who'd look too much into it, but Sweetie attempted to keep the poem vague, just in case, while taking advantage of the outlet. Soon they all traded papers and began to review what the other had written.
“A poem ‘bout flowers, Sweetie Belle?” Apple Bloom looked questioningly at the unicorn.
“Just read it.” Sweetie grinned and responded patiently, glad that her friend didn't suspect anything.
Powder pink tulips, daffodils yellow,
Bright spring mornings with nary a shadow,
Hearts begin blooming. The magic is real.
Oh how can I say the way that I feel?
Once, a young pony was sad and alone,
Made fun of at school and scolded at home.
Would anypony give her a safe place,
Show her she matters, return her embrace?
Could anypony love her as she was,
So small, so weak, and without her life’s cause?
She feared that maybe she wasn’t worth minding,
Angst, doubt, resentment, their scorn, all blinding.
Once a kind pony appeared like the sun,
Warmth, grace, and beauty all wrapped into one.
A smile so honest the filly’s heart swelled,
Her eyes it opened, her loneliness quelled.
Their love shown brightly, passion ignited.
Celestial power shaped love requited,
But just as she thought that as one they'd grow,
Curiosity's fire their trust would o'erthrow.
Lest sunny sweet posies and bright spring days
Now end in a frost, a lonely dark haze.
Hope's blaze must endure through fierce winds of trial.
Oh pray that shame not extinguish Love's smile!
Apple Bloom re-read the poem a couple times before looking back at its author. At first she seemed at a loss for words. “This is ... really good, Sweetie Belle!” She leaned momentarily to check Sweetie Belle's flank, half-expecting to see a cutie mark. “Is ... there any perticular reason ya left it on a cliffhanger?”
Sweetie had hoped for general comments. The specific question made her nervous.
“Umm,” she scrambled for a reason. “I guess, I just couldn’t think of an end?”
Apple Bloom blinked once. “Ah see.” Apple Bloom cleared her throat. While Scootaloo was absorbed in the pages of Apple Bloom’s story, the earth pony filly leaned in subtly toward Sweetie Belle and lowered her voice just enough to make it easy for Scootaloo to miss without raising any suspicion. “Listen. ... If ah didn't know any better ... Ah'd say that somepony’s ... in love.” Apple Bloom barely made audible the last two words.
The Apple filly’s eyes were half-lidded. She smiled knowingly at her unicorn friend whose nervousness suddenly became very apparent. Before Sweetie could respond at all, Apple Bloom resumed as if she knew nothing. “Of course, Ah do know better’n ta snoop in a friend’s business when it looks like she’d rather not talk about it.” She paused and, despite what she'd said, she squinted at the writing again. Sweetie opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off. “Why ya’d get a filly curious ‘n then tease her without any details, Ah guess, must be ‘cause ya seem t' have fergotten that that filly spends an awful lotta her free time with a rhymin’ zebra.” Apple Bloom looked back at Sweetie Belle smartly.
Sweetie kicked herself for what, in retrospect, seemed like an obvious oversight and, now, a huge risk. When Apple Bloom called for the critique of each other’s work, Sweetie had simply meant to spare Scootaloo the pain of reading what the pegasus would no doubt have considered pure mush. Needless to say, she now wished she’d chosen otherwise. Sweetie tried to play it cool. “I ... have ... no idea what you’re talking about,” her voice cracked awkwardly. ... Smooth. ... She put on her best poker face and wound up looking like Pinkie trying to conceal her corn cake addiction.
Apple Bloom tried to reassure her. “I’m sorry. Ah’m not makin’ a lick of sense, am Ah?” She feigned ignorance briefly, then looked concerned at Sweetie Belle. “Just know that, if ya need somepony to uh ... critique some future writin' on the same topic ... purely as works of fiction a’course—” the concern in Apple Bloom’s expression deepened “—ah want ya t’know, Ah’m here for ya.”
Sweetie Belle relaxed slightly and nodded. “I ... appreciate that, Apple Bloom. Really.” The little unicorn managed a small smile.
“You betcha! ‘N well, truth be told, Ah’m a bit worried about that cliffhanger. But, even before that ... it sounds like the young pony coulda had some better friends, maybe.”
Remorse painted itself across Apple Bloom’s features, and Sweetie Belle felt guilty, suddenly, at the role she’d written in the poem, or failed to write, as the case was, for her two best friends. “N-no, Apple Bloom. I, um ... I imagine she has fantastic friends, but I left that bit out since there’s nothing y—they could have done, really.” Sweetie felt an increasing desire to open up. “I think that young pony was missing a certain kind of love, even if she didn’t really know it before things started happening.”
Apple Bloom nodded, getting the gist. “What about gettin’ made fun of at school, though?” Apple Bloom inquired.
“It wasn’t exactly at school, but, recently, it was a certain couple from school,” Sweetie answered.
Scootaloo had just finished her analysis of Apple Bloom’s story and began listening in when Apple Bloom asked about getting made fun of. “Wait. Are you two talking about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon? What did they do this time?” Scootaloo began to get riled.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom both started at being caught mid-discussion about the delicate subject matter. “Oh! Uhh ... Scootaloo, Sweetie was just talkin’ about the characters in her poem. Ya see—”
Sweetie Belle held up a hoof to stop her from going further and then released a heavy sigh. “Thank you, Apple Bloom. It’s alright. There’s no point pretending any more, and, well, I should trust my best friends.” She felt a pang of guilt to ask it of the two fillies, but she had to be safe. “Crusaders, will you Pinkie Promise not to tell anypony what I tell you now?”
The fillies complied, “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” and waited somberly.
“Recently, well ... um,” Sweetie blushed and allowed herself to smile at the happy confession, “I’ve fallen in love.”
Apple Bloom, already past the shock, looked smug. Meanwhile, Scootaloo's jaw practically hit the floor. “Wha!? Sweetie—you?!”
Unable to hold back her curiosity any more, Apple Bloom burst, “Well?! Who is it then? C'mon! Don't hold back the details!”
Sweetie's mouth twisted, and she looked down anxiously. “I—I can't ... say ... really.”
“Why not?!” her friends asked in unison with tortured tones.
“I ... promised not to,” Sweetie replied. The fact that she hadn’t explicitly promised didn’t matter to Sweetie. She knew the value of secrecy to both her and Fluttershy.
“Wait a minute,” Scootaloo interjected. “Promised who? I mean, this isn't just a secret crush, is it? You—you've actually got a secret coltfriend?!”
“Ooor,” Apple Bloom drew out the syllable. “Is it a filly friend?” Apple Bloom raised a suspecting eyebrow, and the two leaned eagerly toward Sweetie for an answer.
“I—I'm sorry, girls. I promised, and the less I say ... the better, honestly.” She saw her friends' eager smiles turn to frowns, and she sighed again. “I can tell you a little, I guess,” Sweetie conceded. “It ... it happened all of a sudden, but ... it feels right. It's somepony I admire who's really sweet and caring ... and—no offense to you girls, but I wish we could see each other right now. It's just ... complicated.” Sweetie frowned.
“This wouldn't have anything t' do with curiosity's fire 'n some sorta trust issue would it?” Apple Bloom guessed.
“You are way too clever for my own good.” Sweetie responded flatly and a tiny bit annoyed, but she smiled. She couldn't be upset with Apple Bloom. If Sweetie were honest with herself, she was glad to have it out in the open between her and her friends.
Apple Bloom grinned sheepishly, her ears folded back at Sweetie's chiding. “Ah'm sorry! Ah mean,” the lingually gifted filly excused herself, “Ah can't help it if ah have a knack fer understandin' fancy talk, and Ah did offer t' pretend Ah didn't know, after all.” She feigned a pout.
The two broke out in giggles briefly. Scootaloo was simply confused by the exchange. “You two totally lost me.”
“Oh, sorry, Scoot. Y'see, Sweetie Belle's poem tipped me off about her bein' in love.” Apple Bloom filled in their pegasus friend about what had happened, and, when Scootaloo looked uninterested at the suggestion of listening to the poem, instead, the earth filly simply explained what it said.
Sweetie's expression turned glum at her friend's summary of the last two verses, and her friends looked at her with concern. “So that's why you were staring out the window and stuff earlier, I guess,” Scootaloo realized. Sweetie nodded and looked down. The Earth and pegasus fillies exchanged a look and a nod before moving to either side of their friend and wrapping their forelegs around her. Sweetie quietly accepted the gesture. It felt good to know her friends cared. “We're here for you,” Scootaloo assured her simply and warmly.
“After everythin' we've been through together, it must really be serious if ya can't tell us all the details, but Ah want ya t' know that, when ya wanna talk about it, we'll be ready 'n willin' t' listen. And we won't tell a soul anythin' you want us t' keep secret, right, Scoot?”
“Pinkie promise,” the pegasus confirmed.
“Thank you, girls.” Though still concerned about her relationship issues with Fluttershy, Sweetie smiled wide and wrapped her forelegs around her friends. “You’re the best friends I could ask for.” Sweetie released the two, and they each detached themselves.
Apple Bloom’s delayed reaction, no longer suppressed, suddenly manifest. “Just, wow, Sweetie Belle! You have a ... a special somepony! And that part about passion! H-have ya ... kissed?” Each of the crusaders went pink in the cheeks at the question. When Sweetie nodded, the shade deepened and spread further across each of her friends’ faces.
“R-really?! You don’t even have a cutie mark, but he ... or she thinks you’re that special? Do ... they have their cutie mark yet?” Scootaloo was wide-eyed.
“Mhmm.” Again, Sweetie nodded while looking at the clubhouse floor.
“Ohh! Ah’m just so curious! Ah wish ya didn’t hafta keep who it is a secret!” Apple Bloom raised a hoof to her face to help calm herself.
Sweetie bit her lip. Keeping the secret wasn’t easy, but she remembered what could happen if the truth spread. “What if ... I mean ... is there any kind of pony that either of you think ... maybe a young filly like me should ... avoid?” Sweetie asked.
“You mean, like ... somepony who’s really weak?” Scootaloo guessed.
“Or dumb as a pile o’ rocks?” Apple Bloom added.
“Or smells really bad?” Scootaloo continued.
“No, no. ... They’re none of those things, in fact ... they’re ... really talented, and uhm ... smell really good.” The little unicorn’s blush returned. She felt a bit dazed and then a bit guilty at the memory.
Apple Bloom put her hoof to her chin thoughtfully. “Are they a hard worker?”
“I think so, yes. I mean they’re usually busy with ... um ... things that I think are good.”
“Are they, uhm ... healthy?” Scootaloo inquired.
“Uh-huh. Nothing wrong there, as far as I can tell.”
A moment of silence passed as the Crusaders thought of what would make for a decent filly/coltfriend. “I think that’s all the important stuff ‘s long as ya like their look ‘n feel ... and their breedin’ fer that matter ... plus, y’already said they’re nice.”
“Their ... breeding?” Scootaloo asked.
“Well, yeah ... Ah mean, it’s not so important to everypony, but in the Apple family, well, we tend t’ marry cousins pretty often, and, take Canterlot royalty fer example, them too.”
“What?! Really?!” Scootaloo looked shocked. Sweetie Belle was surprised as well.
“W-well, Ah mean ... Ah can see how others might think it’s a ... bit odd.” Apple Bloom’s tone became soft and she blushed a little, embarrassed to have exposed something that might make her friends look down on her family.
“I, um,” Sweetie Belle tried to offer reassurance, “I think it’s okay, Apple Bloom. If you or anypony in your family wants to marry a cousin, why should it matter, right?”
“I—” Scootaloo pondered, “—guess that’s alright, yeah.”
Apple Bloom smiled a little. “R-right! Thanks fer understandin’ Sweetie Belle ... both of you.” She smiled and nodded at Scootaloo as well. “So why’d ya wanna know what t’ avoid, anyway, Sweetie Belle?”
“Um ... w-well ...” Sweetie Belle stalled, unsure how to answer and her discomfort obvious, until Scootaloo interrupted her.
“It’s alright, Sweetie Belle.” Scootaloo wore a concerned expression. “You know, no matter what kind of pony your special somepony is, we think you're the greatest, right? Beside, you chose him or her, so he or she can’t be bad!”
“Couldn’a said it better myself,” Apple Bloom agreed.
Sweetie Belle swallowed and, a moment later, made her decision. “W-well, what if ... the pony I’m in love with is ... older?”
Her friends waited but received no further description. “Older?” Scootaloo responded.
“How old do ya mean?”
“Well ... let’s just say ... not in school any more.”
“So like ... Namby Pamby’s age?” Apple Bloom suggested.
“Um ... I mean ... older than that.”
“What about Rumble’s age?” Scootaloo added.
Sweetie shook her head. “Older.”
“What about, um ... Pinkie Pie’s age?” Apple Bloom ventured.
“Th-that’s closer, just, um ... a little bit older.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at each other to check that they weren’t the only one who couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “So, like, our sisters’ age?!” Apple Bloom inquired.
Sweetie Belle looked at her friends worriedly and nodded.
“Wow!” was all Apple Bloom could say.
Scootaloo was beside herself. Several moments passed, and finally Apple Bloom spoke again. “What—I mean ... why would ya fall fer somepony old enough t’ be, well,” she thought of the pony who’d helped raise her, “almost old enough t’ be yer mother or father?”
“I—um ... I ... just ... meant ...” Sweetie wished she could back out now. “I guess being older might mean they’re smarter, and, um ... that they can help you do things you wouldn’t be able to if it were just two foals ... r-right?”
“Do things like what, exactly?” Apple Bloom couldn’t think of anyplace to go or anything they hadn’t done with just the three of them beyond what would be considered dangerous for anypony, even adults, to do.
“Well, umm—” Sweetie cleared her throat “—more mature things, like, maybe ... reading an advanced book. Oh! Or teaching you about, um ... the things they do for work, or maybe, well ...” None of these things seemed like something she couldn’t do with an older friend or her sister, nothing for which she’d need a special somepony. “Maybe ... maybe I just like being ... held by somepony bigger than me.”
The embarrassment was plain in her voice, but Apple Bloom was too curious to dismiss any further answers Sweetie might have to spare her unicorn friend. The little unicorn began to worry where she was going with her reasons, but her anxiety only made her think less clearly. “Or ... maybe, we ... c-could get married.”
“Is that ... even possible fer a filly our age?!” Apple Bloom questioned, blown away at the thought.
Before Sweetie could respond, Scootaloo recovered herself from stunned silence and stepped back from the two.
“N-no. ... No way! It ... it shouldn’t be allowed! Not even if they seem nice or smart or everypony likes them and they—” Scootaloo began to breathe heavily “—even if they ... seem trustworthy!” She finished, almost shouting.
Sweetie Belle had quickly shrunken, lowering herself and folding her ears back. Apple Bloom looked between the two of them, alarmed, and then fixed her gaze harshly on Scootaloo. “Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom reprimanded her. “Whaddya mean, actin’ like that?”
The orange pegasus was thrown by the sharpness of her friend’s tone. “Wha—me?! S-she’s the one talking about marrying a pony two times her age ... and while she’s still discovering her special talent! It—it’s sick! It’s wrong! Apple Bloom? You can’t think that’s alright, can you?!”
Apple Bloom grimaced as she though about it, but softened when she looked down at Sweetie Belle next to her, trembling slightly, now close to tears. “Ah—ah don’t know, t’ tell ya the truth. Maybe it’s wrong, and maybe not, but—” the look of uncertainty on her face hardened once more into disapproval “—the way ye’r talkin’ is no way to talk to a friend, much less a fellow Crusader! Just lookit what it’s doin’ to poor Sweetie!”
Apple Bloom looked again at Sweetie sympathetically and placed a hoof on her withers to comfort her. Sweetie sniffled and tears began to roll down her cheeks. It was bad enough Scootaloo was upset, but now she was the cause for an argument between her best friends. She looked up at Scootaloo speechlessly, pleading, and the pegasus filly felt her heart pricked.
Scootaloo's indignation was still hot, ready to vent until her friends conceded she was right, but sorrow fought and began to overwhelm the small pegasus's ill temper at what she saw in Sweetie's eyes.
“I—” Scootaloo stammered, and her tone softened. “Sweetie, I'm s-sorry.” Her eyes, full of anger-mixed sorrow, watered.
“A-are you ... mad at me, Scootaloo?”
Scootaloo turned to the side and shut her eyes tightly.
“N-no ... I'm not mad at you. At least ... I can't stay angry.”
Sweetie's tears stopped, and both she and Scootaloo began to collect themselves. A moment passed in silence. As Apple Bloom saw Sweetie rise and Scootaloo's indignation fade, she spoke.
“Well, that explains why ya can't tell us who it is then, Ah guess. ... An' Ah don't blame ya, of course ... I mean, assumin' ya really love this pony like ya say, and they're not, well ... I hope ye'll pardon me fer sayin' it, but, assumin' they're not sick in the head, like Scootaloo said.”
Sweetie cringed slightly. She didn’t want to believe Fluttershy was sick that way, but she had seen her in a state that no normal pony would call healthy. Doubt crept slowly into Sweetie Belle’s thoughts. It started to scare her, trap her. “N-nopony is perfect, right?” Sweetie sniffled again, and her eyes glistened, but a determined look formed there and at the corners of her mouth. She looked up at her friends, both afraid and hopeful at their responses.
Apple Bloom seemed caught off guard by the question. “Well ... no, but ya don’t hafta settle, either, Sweetie. Ye’r probably the cutest filly in school, y’know, and yer smart and fun too.”
“L-listen, Sweetie Belle,” Scootaloo said. “You ... know the story of how Ruby Pinch ... got hurt by an older pony she really liked and trusted. ... I—I’m sorry again for how I acted. I just don’t think that an adult who’d want to ... to do what married ponies do, but with a filly ... can be trusted, no matter who it is.”
Sweetie Belle shut her eyes and tried to shut out her friends' doubts as well. “Stop! Please, both of you! I—I trust them! They make me happy!” Sweetie thought of running to the library, but the part of her that wanted and still hoped desperately for her friends’ support held her back. “Please. I—I just want us to be happy together,” Sweetie begged. “Apple Bloom, I’m really not settling,” at least she didn’t think so. “Scootaloo ... what happened to Pinch is terrible, but how could you know that all adults that like fillies are that way? Y-you're my very best friends, and I'm afraid ...” Sweetie didn't want to finish saying it.
“Afraid what?” Apple Bloom prompted, her softly.
“I'm afraid that everypony, my family, and, worst of all, you two, will leave me if I do what my heart tells me.” Apple Bloom shook her head, and Scootaloo's sorrow intensified, erasing her anger.
“Sweetie ... I mean what I said. ... It doesn't matter who you love. I'm your friend no matter what, but I don't know if ... I just,” Scootaloo paused, conflicted. “Why would you want to get married right now?!” the pegasus asked, confused and frustrated.
“I guess ... because I ... I love the attention, the ... thought of ... um ... what married ponies do together. I ... don’t see any reason not to get married. I mean, it’s not like it would stop me from going to school.” Sweetie thought of balancing her time like Twilight had taught her. “I ... wouldn’t be able to come to the clubhouse quite as often, but I promise I’d still spend time with you girls.” Scootaloo perked up slightly as she heard the promise.
“Ya will. Won’t ya?” Apple Bloom smiled. It suddenly became apparent to Sweetie how much this meant to both her friends. She’d been so worried about them abandoning her that she hadn’t thought they might be worried about the same thing.
“Yes. Definitely!” the little unicorn resolved. “And if either of you ever wants me to spend more time with you, then, please, tell me, and I’ll make it happen, as long as I can at least spend half my free time with my special somepony.” Her friends seemed happy. The unicorn’s hopes rose.
“Of course.” Scootaloo smiled momentarily, but her lingering concern was made evident by the frown that followed. “But there’s still ... one thing, um ... Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo looked to her earth pony friend. “Could I talk to you privately for a minute?”
The bow on the Apple filly’s head bobbed as she nodded and stepped away from Sweetie to follow Scootaloo to the farthest corner of the clubhouse. Sweetie herself respectfully moved away from the two and faced her nearest wall to afford them a little extra privacy. There wasn’t much space inside, and nopony wanted to get wet by stepping outside at the moment.
Rain trickled down through leaves and branches to fall on the tree house roof, pitter-pattering as Scootaloo and Apple Bloom spoke in low tones, incomprehensible to Sweetie Belle. Sweetie sighed quietly, closed her eyes, and took the opportunity to let her mind and emotions settle. She had a couple ideas of what Scootaloo’s last concern could be and tried to prepare herself to address it.
Soon enough, the Earth and pegasus fillies seemed to come to some agreement, and the two approached Sweetie Belle again who, as she heard Apple Bloom clear her throat, turned back to face them once more. The two wore serious expressions, though Scootaloo still seemed to be the most concerned of the two.
“Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom began, “we’ve been thinkin’ over what ye’ve told us, and, we’d both like t’ know—that is ... it may be none of our business, and if ya can’t or don’t wanna answer, then we won't keep pryin'. And, also, Ah hope ye’ll forgive me fer puttin’ this bluntly, but ... have ya had sex with the pony ye've been tellin' us about?”
Sweetie Belle had guessed closely enough what the concern was. She considered taking the option to not answer for a moment. “Before I answer, will you tell me why you want to know?”
Her friends exchanged a brief glance, and Scootaloo nodded to Apple Bloom encouragingly. “We’d like t’ know because ... we’re worried that, if ya have, ya may have been hurt, and, if ye’ve been hurt, then we’d like t’ take ya to a doctor or, maybe, since ye’r worried about privacy, to Zecora t’ get checked up.” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo watched the unicorn filly’s reaction closely, but her expression remained unchanged, calm. “Also ... we’re worried that, even if ya aren’t hurt, we want ya t’ be pertected ‘n perpared, like Ms. Cheerilee taught us all,” Apple Bloom paused, and, for a brief moment, her expression betrayed something other than the cool serious one she’d worn up to that point. “‘N also ... well ... even though we all know we’re not s’posed ta, we’re curious t’ know ... what it’s like.” The Apple filly blushed to think about it while Scootaloo grimaced and looked a bit ill.
Sweetie Belle began to smile. “Alright. I understand. ... Well, first of all, I’m not hurt, and they’ve never touched my filly parts. Um ... I-I know you’ve both already promised, but ... will you, um ... please double promise me not to ever tell anypony what I’m about to tell you?”
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked with respective intrigue and uncertainty at each other before double promising to keep the secret.
“I ... sort of ... got carried away and I ... um ... well ... crossed a line I shouldn’t have ... w-when they were napping, and ... it led to ... something,” Sweetie went red-faced, “and now ... that’s kind of why we agreed we can’t be alone together until—” she sighed “—until, like you said, I’m better prepared and ... and things.” Sweetie Belle turned glum at the end, remembering their supervised probation with Twilight.
“Y—ya mean, ya did somethin' that landed ya ... in trouble?!” Apple Bloom couldn’t believe it. Sweetie nodded. Apple Bloom was shocked, and Scootaloo looked repulsed.
“I'm afraid I'll regret asking, but ... what kind of something did crossing the line lead to?” the orange pegasus inquired.
“U-um ... maybe I s-shouldn't say.” Scootaloo wouldn't really want to know anyway, Sweetie thought.
“Aw, c'mon! Pleeease, Sweetie! If Scootaloo doesn't wanna hear then she doesn't hafta. You can just whisper it t' me!”
“H-hey, wait a minute! I'm the one who asked, remember! I-I mean ... okay. M-maybe I wouldn't be totally grossed out to hear about it.” Scootaloo started to blush a little.
Sweetie was caught a little off guard by Scootaloo's sudden admission. She saw an opportunity. “Oh! Scootaloo, it's alright. You don't have to pretend to be interested just for me,” she feigned politeness. “I know you're just not the type to like this sort of super mushy detail. I'll just tell Apple Bloom and spare you the gross part. Come closer, Apple Bloom.”
Sweetie couldn't hold back a sly little smile at Scootaloo's reaction as Apple Bloom eagerly trotted to her side. The orange filly was left, wings and mouth open, momentarily speechless as the chance to hear about what happened appeared to be slipping past her. “N-no! Wait-wait!” Scootaloo repeated. “I really do want to know! I'm not pretending!” Sweetie Belle waited, smirking. “A-alright, fine ... I think, even though it's mushy, it's not ... too gross.”
“Not tooo gross?” Sweetie's smirk grew into a wide grin, her eyes half-lidded, watching the pegasus's chagrin.
Apple Bloom caught on and stifled a giggle. The pegasus wore an expression of agonized embarrassment as she suddenly realized what Sweetie wanted from her.
“U—W-well, um ... I, uh—I mean, I ... don't-think-it's-gross,” she finished quickly, mumbling.
“I'm sorry, Scootaloo. Did I hear you say that you think seeeexx,” she drew out the word just to see her friend squirm, and couldn't help blushing a little herself, “isn't gross? Do you actually think that seeeexx might be something you'd really like to hear about?”
“Y-y-y—yes.”
“Yes? Yes what?”
Scootaloo scowled at the unicorn.
“Y—YES, I'D REALLY LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT SEX, ALREADY!”
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom broke into peals of laughter. “I'm sorry, Scoot,” Sweetie said several moments later, still giggling. “I just—” the filly stopped herself, seeing finally how uncomfortable she'd made her friend “—I was a little ... upset when you called it sick earlier, but it wasn't very ladylike of me.” Sweetie smiled sheepishly.
Scootaloo rolled her eyes, exasperated at her friends' behavior, but couldn't help grinning a little, despite her embarrassment. It felt good to lighten the mood anyway, she allowed. Scootaloo humphed then let out a brief chuckle before clearing her voice to call her friends back to the order at hoof. “Well? Go on then,” the pegasus filly attempted to move things along with a raised eyebrow and a smile.
Sweetie cleared her voice as well and wiped the corners of her eyes where laughter had left tears. “Well,” she began, suddenly a little nervous again, but with her friends' support and interest to buoy her, “after, um—oh! This is silly. ... I hate saying 'they' and 'he or she' all the time!” She exhaled, frustrated. The secrecy had worn on Sweetie, and she felt it would be a little too awkward to avoid naming her special somepony's sex as she described the actions she’d performed. “I ... I think I can make a tiny exception to my promise and tell you both that my special somepony is a—a she. ”
“Ah knew it!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.
Scootaloo considered the revelation. “Well ... that's one way your situation is different from what Pinch's was, I guess.” Though it had never left Scootaloo's thoughts, her comment served a sobering reminder to her friends. Sweetie gave a somber nod.
“D-do either of you think that's ... weird? Wanting to marry another filly?”
Scootaloo shook her head. “My parents told me once that fillies sometimes marry each other before they find a stallion they both like.”
Apple Bloom touched her chin thoughtfully. “Granny says that two mares oughta find a stallion b’fore gettin’ hitched, but, well ... it’s not really weird t’ me, Ah suppose, just, uh ... goes against tradition. ... Doesn't mean ah think ya should love yer special somepony any less, though.”
Sweetie nodded, answering with a timid smile. “Thank you, both, again ... for being such great friends.”
The two beamed back at her with a simultaneous, “A' course!” “What're friends for?”
“So, go on then! Ah’m ... Ah mean we’re both dyin’ t’ hear what happened.” Apple Bloom looked to Scootaloo and stifled another giggle.
The natural cheer and curiosity of foalhood brought the Crusaders back to the excitement of sharing Sweetie’s experience. Finally, Sweetie felt she could let herself gush. “Let me start from the beginning ...”
Sweetie regaled her friends with her fillyfriend’s confession and how they came to share their first kiss. After so much hesitation and worry, Sweetie could finally be like any normal schoolfilly talking about her first love.
“Y-you just kissed her ... like that?!” Scootaloo couldn’t believe how forward her friend had been.
Sweetie nodded bashfully. “It—I mean ... I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss her ever since she said she wanted to be my special somepony. At first, I was nervous, but she’s so ... so nice, and I couldn’t stay nervous. And then she was just so ... happy when I said yes, and then, like I said, she started apologizing for holding me too tight, and I just thought she looked really, um ... cute, I guess,” Sweetie blushed, “and I ... I couldn’t help myself, then,” the horned filly ended in a sort of nervous giggle.
Apple Bloom leaned on one hoof, dazed and pink-faced, caught up in a vision of Sweetie kissing the mysterious dream mare. “What happened then?! D-didja ... you know, a-ah mean.. how do two fillies go about, um ... doin’ things t’gether?” Apple Bloom dared not guess, though she knew from private experimentation more than she wanted to let on.
“Not yet, but I’ll get there.” Sweetie enjoyed teasing her friends just a little, having their full attention and watching their anticipation. “I asked Fluh-uhds ...” Sweetie’s heart skipped a beat. “I asked floods of questions to my ... very special somepony about how two fillies could ... do things together,” she finished nervously.
“Floods a’ questions?”
“What’s that mean?”
Sweetie gulped. “Sorry, I just mean I asked her lots — lots of questions.”
“Oh. ... Why don’t you just say that, then?” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. She was surrounded by dictionaries.
The two seemed to buy it. Sweetie exhaled, relieved, and resolved not to let her guard down again. “N-nevermind that. ... I asked her after she told me how she felt about me, but, like I said, I’ll get to that in a bit. ... A-anyway, after I kissed her ...”
As Sweetie continued her account, Apple Bloom went back to staring off into space, resting on the clubhouse floor, while Scootaloo leaned forward, sitting with her wings spread, twitching and flapping occasionally with a certain sort of nervous energy.
Sweetie made it all the way through the part where Fluttershy held her on the couch when, from outside, a certain orange pony in a raincoat quietly approached.
Applejack made it a habit to check on her sister and friends occasionally for a number of reasons, more than anything because she remembered their own mother doing so. In her mouth, Applejack carried a basket with a hot kettle and cups. Hot cocoa had seemed like a good companion to the cold rain. The quintessential Apple grew nostalgic, remembering when mother would bring her and her friends snacks the same exact way. Now, as she often did when given the opportunity, Applejack paused just outside the Crusaders’ window to listen in. It wasn’t so much eavesdropping, she thought, as it was an honest mare appreciating an honest discussion, the kind friends shared when they felt they could rely on each other to accept each others’ confidences.
Listening gave AJ the chance to see how close and how healthy her little sisters' friendships really were, and, sometimes, it allowed her to attempt an escape if she walked in on something she'd rather not be a part of. The time the Crusaders had practiced for the talent show, she hadn't been so lucky, of course, but it had saved her at other times, and, once, it had given her some insight into the group's relationship with Babs and prompted Applejack to indirectly urge the three fillies to forgive her bullying, while respecting that they wanted to deal with it alone.
As a sister and caretaker, Applejack would always do her best to keep Apple Bloom's trust in her, so of course she never whispered a word to anypony about what she'd heard whenever she listened uninvited. Over the sound of the rain, the motherly Earth pony just made out the sound of Sweetie Belle's voice, confirming, as she'd guessed, the fillies had stayed inside today, after all.
“Kissing felt really good, so, I thought, why not try the other stuff too? You know? I-I mean, I know we're not supposed to, but ... I don't know.” Sweetie found it difficult to explain her fascination with her special somepony's sex. “H-haven't either of you been just ... a little curious? I mean, we see it all the time”—the quaint ponies of Ponyville didn't normally wear clothes—“but ... n-never really close up, and ... well ... the diagrams at school just ... aren't the same, right?”
Applejack couldn't believe her ears.
“A-ah reckon not,” Apple Bloom conceded.
“W-well, yeah, I mean ... my mom told me it's really not polite to stare down there, but it sounds ...” Scootaloo swallowed, “sounds like it'd be interesting t-to take a closer look at.” Her eyes darted from the floor to Apple Bloom, then to Sweetie, then back at the floor several times.
“R-right!” Sweetie was glad they could relate a little. “And, like I said a while ago, earlier I ... asked how two fillies could ... be together that way, so I was extra curious, I guess. What she told me was that fillies sometimes use their horns, their wings, a-and their tongues instead of a ... a wiener.”
Who could have told little Sweetie Belle about that?! Applejack questioned, silently shocked.
“But Ah—” Apple Bloom interjected “—Ah thought only older ponies really cared about that sorta thing. N-now don't get me wrong, the way ye've been talkin' makes it all sound pretty, um ... excitin', and, well ... honestly, Ah like hearin' about it, though I can't explain why, but we barely know anything about that stuff, n' y'all just suddenly thought, after askin' some questions, it'd be a good idea t', well—” the Apple foal realized she was getting ahead of herself “—what exactly did ya do?” she asked with genuine fascination.
“If you'll let me finish, you'll find out,” the unicorn giggled at Apple Bloom's eager expression, “and ... I'll try to answer why.” Apple Bloom fell silent so that Sweetie would continue. “So I slipped between her legs, careful not to wake her up ... and, when I was part way, I tried just seeing what it felt like to put our ... um ... our filly parts together.”
Two fillies and one mare were riveted in place.
“It was warm and ... and so soft!” Sweetie melted at the memory. “But, pretty soon, I couldn't stay like that any more so, to get a better look, I went down farther. ... When I was all the way down, I um ... tried just looking at first, and,” Sweetie turned beet red, “I s-smelled her, then I ... I tasted her.”
Applejack nearly fainted, her basket almost sliding out of her mouth before she caught it and set it down carefully to rest her jaw.
“Y-you what?!” Scootaloo exclaimed. Apple Bloom covered her face with both hooves, simultaneously incredulous and anxious now as she realized the story was coming close to its end.
“I-I licked her part, and I ... tasted her.” Sweetie Belle waited for the shock to wear off a little before continuing. “Before I got used to how she smelled, I didn't want to try it, but, well,” Sweetie coughed nervously, “I touched myself down there before I did, just to see what it felt like first, and, while I did, I felt tingly, and she kind of started to smell not-so-weird. ... So, um ... after I tasted it and it was alright, I tried, um ... putting my tongue ... inside, but—”
Suddenly Scootaloo's forelegs collapsed beneath her. Sweetie Belle paused and both fillies looked at her. The pegasus panted a little, perspiring lightly, her wings trembling subtly.
“Are ... you okay, Scootaloo?” Sweetie checked.
The orange foal wore a dazed look and muttered something to the effect of, “J-just-okay. D-don't-mind ... please ... go-on.” Sweetie and Apple Bloom both suddenly thought that they knew exactly what had happened, and both, just as suddenly, dutifully tried to ignore it.
“Umm ... well, anyway ... that seemed a little too, uh ... unusual for me, so, instead, I licked a different part, and ... she, umm ... made noise and started talking soft, like she was asleep, but ... she—I mean, I had woken her up, and, I ... I really don't know what I was thinking, doing all that in the first place.” Sweetie sighed.
“Well, of course ya got caught! A-ah mean, what did ya expect?!” The Apple filly was baffled that her normally bright friend would act that way.
“I guess, well ... yeah; it was dumb, but, it made me feel—it’s hard to explain, but um, maybe you know.” The unicorn looked significantly at Scootaloo with a grin.
“W-what does that mean?” Scootaloo suddenly felt embarrassed. Though she had recovered herself mostly, she remained on the floor for good measure.
“Let’s just say ... really excited.” Sweetie chuckled. “I could forget all about everything except her, and, I guess I just ...” the unicorn filly struggled to explain, not only to her friends, but also to herself why she’d acted on her urges. Her concentration intensified, and she was silent for a couple seconds before she found an answer she didn’t quite expect, making her eyes glisten. “I wanted to know that I could be special, and, I thought, maybe if I could learn and do more to make her happy, then maybe I might be. ... Of course, it was exciting too, like I said. I guess it’s dumb, but ... sometimes, I just feel like ... I’ll always be just plain me, and ... un -special. Does that make any sense?”
Silence settled among the three as the Earth filly and pegasus thought about what they’d been told. Eventually, Apple Bloom nodded. Scootaloo still looked puzzled. “What about your family, though? What about us? You know you’re special to us, right? And Ms. Cheerilee and our other friends too.”
Sweetie thought about the good times she’d spent with family, cooking with her mother, racing and camping with Rarity, listening to her dad sing her to sleep and learning to sing with him. She thought about how Ms. Cheerilee taught and praised her, how Pinkie Pie and others played with her, how her two closest friends were almost always at her side ... how they were there to support her even now.
Sweetie thought next about so many arguments she’d had with Rarity, the way she was scolded and sometimes shuffled off by her parents, the apparent indifference of Ms. Cheerilee when bullies picked on her, the way many of her Ponyville friends, even her two best friends, sometimes ignored her. She thought about how her fellow crusaders often wouldn’t listen to reason and how she felt like she shared fewer interests in common with them than they did with each other—like she was a third wheel.
She weighed the positive against the negative for a minute, and, in the end, came to the conclusion that she had it pretty good. She wasn't, by any means, a negative Nellie. Usually, Sweetie thought she stayed optimistic. Still, when compared to all the other ponies in her life up to that point, only one had ever been so reliable, so kind, and so attentive. Even though it all still felt new, only Fluttershy had ever gone so far as to risk her reputation and all of her friendships just to be closer to Sweetie.
Sweetie finally broke the silence.
“It’s different with my very special somepony, I think. I don’t mean I feel ‘special’ like ... like everypony is special. I mean ‘special’ like—” Sweetie recalled bits and pieces from when Rarity had gushed to her on numerous occasions about colts she liked or wished she could find. Now, she really understood, and her sister’s words genuinely became her own “—when I’m with her, she makes me feel like I’m ... more important to her than anypony else in the whole world ... sometimes, with just the way she looks at me. I don’t feel that way with anypony else.”
Just outside the clubhouse window the older pony still listened. Shock and anxiety had plastered themselves on the spying mare’s face until that point. Now, however, her expression softened, and her disgust replaced itself with surprise. Her sister’s young friend was really, truly in love with a pony—at least it seemed that way to her—and, whoever that pony was, AJ thought, genuinely seemed to love Sweetie Belle.
“W-wow.” Scootaloo finally admitted to herself that what Sweetie had in a special somepony, she wanted as well. The orange filly worried she was becoming soft.
Meanwhile, Apple Bloom sighed with a far off look in her sunset eyes. “Ah can’t wait t’ find a colt like that ... er maybe—Ah mean, it sounds like a filly might work out really well too, Ah s’pose.”
Sweetie smiled, truly happy as she thought about her perfect match. “I hope you do, someday. You both deserve it! I just hope you’ll know better than to make the same mistakes I have.” Sweetie grimaced a little, but her spirits remained high.
“Oh, right!” Scootaloo commented as she and Apple Bloom snapped back to reality. “So ... what happened then, after she woke up?”
“Well,” Sweetie thought again about the events that followed, and hesitated, “um ... it took a little effort to get her to admit she was awake. She started breathing hard and then I stopped ‘cause I was worried. When she pretended to sleep talk and asked me to keep going, I, um ... I told her I would, if she admitted she was awake, so ... she did, and she said she was sorry. Then she said she was surprised when she first realized, erm ... what I was doing, but then she didn’t want it to stop. So I kept going ... and, um,” Sweetie felt too embarrassed to admit she’d been scared at witnessing her first orgasm, “well, s-she finished, and then I said I was sorry for doing something we weren’t ready for ...” Sweetie improvised the rest of the story, keeping it simple. “After that, we ... agreed we’d spend no more time alone together, basically, until we knew we could both be, um ... in control of our ... urges when we’re around each other.”
“Well, that sounds reasonable,” Apple Bloom responded. “How d'ya know when that’ll be?”
“Honestly?” Sweetie answered. “I don’t really know yet. Neither of us do, and we might not know for a while. I feel like it would be so much easier if we could just get married now, and then we wouldn’t have to hold back, but ... she said I’m too young.” Sweetie finished with a scowl.
Applejack wasn’t sure she heard correctly. It sounded like Sweetie said I’m , not we’re , which would mean that Sweetie’s special somepony wasn’t too young. The thought of such a large age gap made Applejack feel even less certain and more anxious about everything she’d heard so far.
“Oh, yeah,” Apple Bloom said. “That’s what ah was askin’ about earlier. How’re ya ever gonna get married if the law won’t let ya? What will ya do if ya can’t get married?”
“And what about when you grow up?” Scootaloo added. “You said she ... likes that you're little, right?” Despite trying, Scootaloo couldn't hold back a tone of disgust.
Sweetie had fortunately had the chance to receive answers to these questions during her last meeting with Twilight. “She told me she’ll love me for the rest of our lives, and she’ll wait if we have to, and ... if I ever change my mind,” Sweetie actually scoffed at the idea, “then I could call it quits. ... I told her that’s never going to happen.”
Everypony listening was overwhelmed to some degree at what they’d heard.
Applejack considered leaving and not returning, but decided it would have been a waste of good cocoa. Instead, she quietly picked up the basket, softly walked down the tree house ramp the same way she’d approached, then, in an effort to give the group warning, clopped almost too loudly back up the entry ramp. By the time she reached the top, Apple Bloom had already opened the door to greet her. The older sister chitchatted briefly and left the still-warm cocoa with the thanks of all three fillies. The sweet beverage was a welcome break after so much shocking news. Applejack left with a friendly reminder to return the cups and kettle and couldn’t help but cast a concerned parting glance at the little unicorn she’d practically considered a second sister ever since the Sisterhooves Social.
Applejack fretted and wondered if she should tell Rarity or Sweetie’s parents, her respect for the fillies' privacy warring with her sense of how wrong it sounded to her. It didn’t seem as though Sweetie was in any immediate danger, but whoever it was that the little filly had done those things with sounded ill-minded, even if she was well-meaning, AJ thought. Only sick ponies would fall in lust with such a little filly, despite being, AJ guessed, a fully grown mare. Over the next several days, all Applejack would be able to tell, having kept a close eye on the little unicorn, was that Sweetie seemed to like reading more than the average foal. In spite of the lack of evidence that Sweetie might be in trouble, she still worried she was missing something. The troubled mare could only stay vigilant to try and find out who the filly's mysterious special somepony was.
Despite the drama and intrigue of Sweetie's love life, the three fillies passed the rest of that afternoon without obtaining a single cutie mark among them. With thoughts of romance and love to distract them, however, they weren't too disappointed. Soon after AJ had left, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were quick to ask more questions. What was the taste like? What was the smell? Had Sweetie and her fillyfriend chosen a song for themselves? They continued to ask their friend the occasional question between critiquing each other's attempts at writing and, eventually, just chatting in general. It pained Sweetie a little to do it, in light of how supportive and how trustworthy she felt her friends were, but the little unicorn continued to deflect any questions that could put her love's identity at risk. “When will you meet again?” “How long have you been seeing each other?” and, “Can ya say what color her eyes are?” all fell among that type of question. She apologized each time she couldn't answer and was glad her friends were understanding.
Eventually, the conversation turned to starry-eyed thoughts of how Sweetie and, in turn, each filly imagined their future weddings might be. As evening came, the rain stopped and Scootaloo and Apple Bloom left for dinner. Sweetie made her way back to town as well, but, less concerned with food, she took her time.
Beside having shared the burden of the secret she'd kept, it felt wonderful to be able to talk the way little fillies talk and dream together about the future. As much as she'd missed Fluttershy, the magic of the Crusaders' friendship had given Sweetie welcome hope that things could work out. As she trotted through the soaked apple orchard to the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, however, the difficulty with which her two closest friends had accepted the relationship nagged at the foal. If worse came to worse with Rarity or her parents, Sweetie thought, she needed a plan.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 28 January 2015
Original Note:
As always, feedback is welcome for future chapters and a likely final edit of the fic at the end.
I ended up writing enough to split into 2 chapters. I'm still editing the next one and have things going on, so I guess look for it in the next day or two.
Edit - 12/31/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and detail.
To readers who began this story before 23 January 2015,
There has been an update to the story description, resultant of additional revisions made to earlier chapters and the insertion of this new chapter in particular: “this story contains real-world religion (specifically, Christianity) as an important plot point and element in at least one character's development. You've been warned.” This chapter deals heavily with Christianity (of unspecified denomination). Other revisions are relatively minor but still may reference Christ and/or monotheism. These can be found in those of my blog posts, dedicated to listing noteworthy revisions .
Could you skip this chapter without getting lost at all in future ones? The answer is yes. In any case, would you miss out on the underpinnings of a certain character's morality? Definitely. I leave it to you to decide whether to read on. God bless.
Though she'd slept well, night had come and gone too quickly for the exhausted pegasus. It wasn't every day you exposed your most private secrets to a best friend. All day prior, from the time she sat with Twilight, and all that morning, while she primmed and preened and completed an abbreviated list of her morning chores, the little mare's reality felt alien. Had she really told the young princess what she thought she had? Was it really possible?—possible that Twilight had broken through her fear, that Fluttershy had laid out half a lifetime's worth of sordid curiosity and misdeeds for her bookish friend to scrutinize? She recalled that there was still more to share, to expose, and, if possible, expunge from the darker caverns of her memory. She'd already come this far. It was just a matter of time before the counseling would turn its focus instead toward “finding a solution,” according to Twilight. Meanwhile, it came as a welcome relief to Fluttershy to return to a small part of her old reality.
Fluttershy sat somberly at services near the back of Ponyville's familiar west chapel. Per usual, she arrived late to avoid the crowd and any awkward conversations. A pony she'd seen many times but never known very well stood at the pulpit while Mr. Waddle sat close by with a sleepy smile. The words the mare spoke washed soothingly over her after the trials of the past several days: “The embodiment of Love created heaven, Earth, and ponykind.” Fluttershy couldn't doubt the feeling the message brought her. Like a shining indigo mist it quietly scattered her dark uncertainty, brought her relief, brought peace for a while, until a subtle cunning darkness challenged her calm.
What part of love is in you? a voice Fluttershy knew all too well came laced with derision. Only once had she willingly allowed it to manifest beyond the confines of her mind, and it had driven a wedge between her and two of her best friends. Thank goodness they forgave her.
I'm an heiress of Love, her heart steeled against the challenge of her own self doubt, willed it to test her, born to live and die and live again, to inherit godhood.
A good tree bears good fruit. What fruit will you bear?
To the allusion, she had no answer, but a mix of hope and fear. God willing, I can change.
How? the question came as anything but curious, but she thought an answer to it regardless.
Faith, repentance, water, and fire, the quiet pony assured herself, reciting the primary tenets of her religion.
Have you been born of fire?
I'm still impure— she willed herself to hope—but I have desire.
Is it true desire? What is it you really want? it prodded knowingly.
Despite mixed feelings, the answer seemed clear to her when she stopped to think about it.
Love. Her resolve grew, but the voice only laughed.
Wouldn’t Love support you if that were true? Where is your God? the question came disingenuously, but with a dramatic flare, doubt's flagrant scorn insistent that the mare's faith was as worthless as the tired cliché that challenged it. The laughter seemed to grow louder, to mock, and, though Fluttershy did her best not to dignify her own jeer with any genuine consideration, for a minute, she couldn't help but think back over her many past and few most recent—most grievous—mistakes.
A burning misery pressed mercilessly into Fluttershy's neck, and a dull sour ache nested itself in the pit of her stomach. Maybe ... I really am lost—
—and leading the child to the same soulless end, it accused hotly—she accused herself. All laughter had ended abruptly.
No. Her brow furrowed and her eyes shut briefly before shimmering down at the floor beneath the pew in front of her. That was never my intention.
Does your ignorance or 'good' intention, it sneered, feigned or not, soften her fall?
Maybe she won't fall, the desperate little mare reached. Maybe Love will support us.
Are you worthy of such a miracle? Can you stand in the presence of angels without shame?
Can I? she begged to know. Could she number herself with prophets? Could she hold herself up with their spiritual leaders, with Celestia herself?
I've confessed to my friend. She felt a little confidence, not much. I'm not perfect, but I'm doing what I can to get there.
Are you?
I hope and pray.
Meanwhile, at what cost does your friend keep your secret?
Despite what Twilight told her about trusting in friendship, Fluttershy wasn't sure. I can only trust in friendship with her.
Can you?
Fluttershy reconsidered and was caught. I can't trust in friendship alone, I guess. In the end, she either didn't understand or didn't believe entirely in Twilight's philosophy, she admitted to herself.
There are many pitfalls, doubt confirmed.
Yes, but Twilight's faith in friendship is still noble. It might be justified. Fluttershy struggled against what she knew of false friends, the fallibility of well-meaning ponies, and her own flaws to see how the young alicorn's trust in her might not be misplaced.
Only Love is infallible.
Love is justice and mercy in harmony. Mercy and grace can save us, even though we have our flaws.
Harmony will never rob its own. Justice must be satisfied. There will be a day of reckoning, it threatened.
Yes, and though Twilight's trust in me might be misplaced, I can at least seek harmony with God. Fluttershy took courage. I can't convince her to do the same, but I can do my best not to fail her as a friend.
And if you do fail her?
It isn't my desire to fail, she willed herself to ignore the temptation. If I do, then it will be after all I could do to ... stop myself. She swallowed against lewd memories of her recent scandal and managed to shake them off. Mercy claims those who give everything they can.
Brave words, the voice sneered again subtly, accusingly.
Fluttershy was undaunted. It's not trust in myself that makes me brave, but trust in God, in Love, and self-assurance that I'll continue to choose him over this flesh—
—rife with stray passion, so easily tempted, the part of her hissed.
Yes, and Love promises always to prepare a way through trials, she countered.
Not always in the way you might hope, the voice muttered back.
So be it, she thought with finality, and the voice stilled for a while, replaced by the speech of the pony at the pulpit.
The mare's tone was level, far different from the occasional traveling preacher Fluttershy had heard, lacking their flourish and showmareship, yet each word struck its chord with that much more sobriety. She spoke with confidence that reminded Fluttershy of Celestia, without hesitation, but softer, more soothingly than anypony Fluttershy could think of (forgetting to think of herself). If not for the microphone, she might have been too quiet to hear over parishioners shuffling in the pews and the babbling of foals here and there whose parents made church attendance a family event.
Fluttershy appreciated many different things from various speeches that she had attended at church over the years. Some were boisterous, some emotional, some informative, others inspiring. Many were ordinary; a few stood out as extraordinary. Some she found charmingly awkward while others, occasionally, she found beautifully composed. While most lesson topics were assigned by leaders to be prepared and given by the parishioners themselves to their congregation, on occasion Mr. Waddle or a guest leader from another city would speak as well. Their experience and conviction often added to their messages, but not always, she thought. Sometimes, a young colt's five minute message left a greater impact on her than the visiting authorities.
After so many speeches and so many lessons on harmonious writ and prophetic counsel over the years, the subject matter became repetitive, but the quiet pegasus never minded a good review. More often than not, a new angle would give her added insight, or an old message would help her to reapply its principles to her daily life. While she almost always found the messages relevant to her, that day's sermon seemed especially timely amid her current spiritual crisis.
“... Gallopians 5 . The law and commandments alone never had power to save us from our own mortality, nor can they reunite us with God once we've strayed. The law works together with mercy to give hope to those who desire an elevated life more than they desire carnal things—peace more than the fleeting pleasures of this world. 'For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith. For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love.'
“Palo's sudden apostolic declaration that the law of Mosé was no longer in effect after the resurrection of Christ meant that circumcision was a point of contention among those Gallopians who'd been born and lived under it their whole lives. Members of the ancient church were instructed that circumcision was irrelevant, and Palo explained that love was the new standard—”
You're wise. You know better than the law. Temptations slithered between Fluttershy's thoughts.
No. Fluttershy firmly bade the thoughts cease, and they did, for the time being.
“'For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.' Rather than not murder, love requires us to forgive our enemies—rather than not fornicate, not to lust at all. 'Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.'
“To so boldly teach that God had given them all a new standard of worship—to love each other as he had loved them—and to say that he would inspire them through the Spirit to break the old law, bespeaks the hypocrisy of those who clung to the old law, those who would 'strain at a gnat but swallow a camel,' dishonor the spirit of the law, yet justify themselves to their culture by keeping the letter of it.
“Love will not tolerate selfishness, and selfishness can't bear love's self sacrifice. Spirit and flesh war in us daily so that, with right living and faith in Christ to overcome, our love will deepen and our strength increase. When the battle is fiercest, we need not fear it, only fear that our spirit might ever stop fighting. Only through conflict can we begin to understand divine Love, but we need not—we're counseled not to fight unprepared. With faith that Love has conquered death and pain, we're shielded; with knowledge of Harmony's power, we're armed, and no enemy can threaten us, no fear persuade us to abandon what brings us true and lasting peace.
“Palo explains further, 'Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you ... that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.'
“No soul trapped in such a miserable scramble to satisfy the whims of their physical appetites can ascend to the godhood which Christ promised we may inherit, not because God is cruel—far from it—but because Love holds something so much grander than the fleeting present. However intense and enduring our pain or pleasure may seem in life, they will become a distant memory—a speck along the time line of eternity. Still, mortal life is a time of particular importance. Whatever material pleasures we might selfishly grub here, we'll ultimately lose, but, if we store up treasure in heaven, we'll be rich with things that last forever.
“'The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.' Zion, hope for a better life, and heaven itself are built on these things.” Honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity, and loyalty flashed across the pegasus's mind. Each seemed to fit somewhere within the epistle's list. Silently, Fluttershy pondered the role of Twilight's friendship among them. “Under Christ's law, Zion is no longer a single city or place, but a harmony sung across the world by the pure in heart, those who treasure one another above mortal life, as the father of our souls did.1
“With blood that dripped like sweat in the garden, through unparalleled agony of mind and body, and through death itself, Christ learned the absolute depth of every mortal suffering. God gave him alone complete understanding of our hearts. He knows you deeply and individually. He loves you in joy or sorrow, sickness or health, whether you reciprocate his love or turn away the needy, sick, and afflicted.
“Christ alone earned the power to heal our pain and sorrow if we come to Him in faith and reciprocal self sacrifice. Lacking innocence, we can't save ourselves, much less repay Christ's infinite sacrifice, yet God sent his son, regardless, to bring resurrection and immortality to both the righteous and wicked alike, and, if we align our will with God's, He offers us an exalted state through Christ. If we choose not to, though it grieves God to see our fall, he will never force us to live lives of peace and harmony. This is the nature of Love: kind, gentle, never compulsory, even if we unwisely choose our own unhappiness. She who sows selfishness and won't repent, chooses to reap a terrible loneliness.”
Through her soreness and struggle for personal redemption, the familiar doctrine brought relief to ease Fluttershy's pain, inspired security to consider God's intimate awareness of her struggles, and brought peace as she considered that her shortcomings might be canceled, her mistakes wiped clean through Christ. Still, not knowing whether the life she wanted with Sweetie was completely justified, the warning she heard in the message stung like salt and vinegar to an open wound. Years of careful contemplation and her recent resolution couldn't keep the little mare from worrying for the umpteenth time whether she might have let selfish passion guide her much farther than she realized.
The question caused her to shrink, though she only asked it silently.
Am I wrong to pursue her, Father?
She didn't usually receive answers to such broad questions; the lack of any divine intimation didn't surprise her. Still, she yearned. Am I so proud or faithless that I shouldn't know your answer ... for something so important? Fluttershy begged, but stopped herself meekly to listen.
When she could quiet her mind and feelings just long enough, sometimes she'd sense a still small voice, not her own, more subtle than a whisper, often a sudden, light feeling. It came as a thought that she knew followed no conscious thread nor matched what she knew as her subconscious rabble, yet was always welcome for its warmth and reassurance when it arrived. Sometimes, more rarely, she'd be able to sense an answer in the negative, a soft prickling sorrow or uneasiness for no known cause other than the simple fact that she'd humbly and sincerely asked for an answer. It was more difficult to catch for the fact that there were many reasons to feel uneasy or sad for the little pegasus, but catch it she did on occasion, long enough to distinguish it from her typical angst.
Thus the quiet pony learned to speak with her God, to gain wisdom, comfort, and patience beyond what she felt she'd otherwise have been capable. By carefully listening and following each prompting, little by little, she'd seen profound truths within the Harmony Scrolls that some seemed to miss. By the same method, with time, she'd been convinced of many of the messages delivered at church, while others, she'd learned, were only partly true, (if well-meaning).
This time, as she listened for an answer to her prayer, only the usual scramble of thoughts and feelings filled her mind—frustration she felt toward herself for her inadequacy, concern for her animal and pony friends, worry for whether the ponies next to her were offended that she didn't sit close enough, or maybe sat too close, hope that she'd be able to leave the premise later before anypony might try to talk to her, and, above all, thoughts about Sweetie Belle. This last subject gave her worry for the amount of interference it created. Even when she'd managed to silence all the others, thoughts about the little pony were loud and persistent enough to drown out any answer. Not to be deterred, the earnest mare fought through the mental din, emboldening her request.
I would give up everything, Father— she focused on her relationship with Sweetie Belle in particular.
Is that true? doubt interrupted, wouldn't stay quiet in the face of such an incredible claim.
I must, she insisted, or I'm lost forever, like I used to be before I came to Ponyville, like I feel I am again, right now. Misery threatened again, this time a dull throb in her chest and head.
I'll give everything, she repeated, and her eyes watered in her desperation, to know— she hesitated, her body still heavy with doubt, afraid to let go of Sweetie, her friends, and animals, to promise while not knowing to what exactly she might be promising, but commitment resolved in her as it had at the border of the Everfree Forest—and follow wherever Love would lead me.
She ended with a tense sigh, yet, as she finished her promise, quiet finally settled in her heart and mind, and, to her relief, the subtle shift she'd strained to notice in her thoughts came to her attention. It was no more than a memory of something she'd learned as a budding young mare.
“If no answer comes, sometimes that is an answer. If you're living your life in harmony with God, and your priorities are in order, the Lord may stay silent ... may lead you in many cases to make important decisions for yourself. Trust that he is presently watching over you, and, as the loving father of your soul, trust that he would never abandon you.”
Long held tension in Fluttershy's back, neck, shoulders, and each of her limbs slowly eased. It wasn't what she'd hoped, but her worry subsided, the burden on her heart and mind became bearable, and, knowing she'd received her answer finally, she whispered a teary, heartfelt thank you. She'd only dared to hope that the resolution she'd made next to Sweetie at the edge of the forest had been worthwhile. Now, however, she felt divine approval on the condition that she check her priorities frequently and keep herself from repeating her mistake with Sweetie.
For a moment, the orator's words echoed through Fluttershy's thoughts once more. “Today we endure mortality so that the newborn love in each of us will grow. Our origins are veiled, our futures uncertain, and all truth is seen only as through darkly tinted glass, yet, if we could remember what heaven was and who God is, no power under either would dissuade us from choosing to keep the commandments. Our test and our spiritual growth would end ... but God is kind, therefore he lets us struggle.”
The rattle of rain could be heard on the chapel roof now. Despite the melancholy other ponies seemed to feel on such days, the noise always felt reassuring to Fluttershy.
She contemplated her own struggle once more. As Sweetie had slept by the forest, many of her thoughts had been far from innocent. It was no wonder she'd slipped into selfish behavior afterward, she thought. Guilt about what happened on her couch plagued her again, and she comforted herself once more, knowing that she'd taken steps to rectify her mistakes. He'll forgive me as long as I'm sincere. Self-doubt prodded her once again at that thought. Still, none of it negated what she knew were selfless hopes and an honest effort to change for the better.
A vision she'd seen while she meditated, of foal and mare in chaste, matrimonial love had shined brightly enough through her more lurid fantasies to give her confidence that, with extra care, she might master her impulses. If it hadn't been for that hope, she knew she'd never have confessed her love. Now she felt certain that her hope could be made real. If uncertainty remained, she contemplated, it might only be regarding how far she should be willing to go for Sweetie's sake and whether God would still support their relationship if it meant abandoning her friends.
“Princess Celestia's most recent address to the faithful ...” the speaker's words only occupied the margins of Fluttershy's attention as she contemplated her and Sweetie's possible future. Hearing the matriarch's name shifted her thoughts again, and the pegasus's mind wandered back to her most recent interaction with their prophetess.
It had been an honor—one she would have felt didn’t suit her had she not trusted the Princess so implicitly—to be relied upon by their ruler and spiritual leader for the monumental task of reforming the ancient draconequus, Discord. Her friends had given her their support, but with reservations. None but Twilight truly seemed to believe he would be reformed, and even the faithful student’s faith had appeared to waver somewhat. Though it would have been nice if they’d given him the benefit of the doubt, Fluttershy couldn’t blame them, at least not at first.
When Discord’s feigned efforts had them all unconvinced, despite her own doubts, Fluttershy reproved them for their accusations. The whole situation had been a test of the young pegasus's reliability, of kindness's power to gently change hearts. She liked to believe that she had helped rescue the chaotic creature from his own fallen nature, taught him the value of companionship, the folly of selfishness. Really, she knew he had a long way to go; she was, perhaps, even more aware than any of her friends that his reformation wasn't complete, yet her hopes were high. She had to keep her hopes high, not just for his sake. If he could truly change, she thought, ... then so can I.
Author's Note
Many thanks to Setokaiva for editing.
Chapter References: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Quick-Disinfectant-for-Minor-Cuts-and-Abrasions
Dear Fluttershy,
There are some things I'd like to tell you that I hope might help you while you grow and discover who you are and as you go through hard times, feeling afraid or alone.
Mom says she loves us, and she's usually being honest. The best and truest kind of love doesn’t go away when you do something bad, though. It doesn’t hide when you’re disappointed or scared, it's kind even when somepony like you misbehaves. Mom isn’t perfect, and she forgot to love us. She was hurt a long time ago, and, even though it seems like she's angry at you, her anger is really at another pony and at herself. She doesn't realize now that she's only making things worse by hiding her love.
Even though we don’t blame her, Mom will someday realize and regret how she hurt us. If you grow up to be who I’ve become, it will hurt if you think much about the times she yelled and ignored you, but at least you won’t be scared any more or feel too guilty about what happened. Mom will keep loving you always, and soon she'll show it again. Some day you’ll make her very happy because of who you’ve become.
You’re feeling anxious now because nopony is on your side. It's unfair, but you’ll feel alone for a long time still. The good news is that you’ll be rescued from the worst of it exactly when you’re ready.
I wish there were something more I could say to help make it easier until then. All I can tell you now is, remember you’ll be loved when it matters by whom it matters, and in the end you'll become many ponies’ hero if you’re brave and keep hope for better times.
With all my love and admiration,
future you
Evening settled as Sweetie made her way, carefully unfollowed, from the Crusaders' clubhouse to Golden Oaks library. At the foot of one of the many bookshelves lining the walls of the cozy tree structure, Fluttershy focused intently, quill in mouth, over a piece of parchment. Upon hearing Twilight greet Sweetie Belle, the pegasus looked up, gifting the little pony with the look of adoration the foal loved most. After a rigorous day's work, including helping Twilight organize last night's notes, the yellow pony was relieved to finally see her filly again.
Sweetie settled next to Fluttershy with a fresh reading assignment from one smiling librarian. (If there was one small thing Twilight loved about this situation, it was seeing at least a few of her friends take all of her reading recommendations seriously, for a change.) The smiling pegasus set down her quill and greeted the foal in a whisper. “Hello, Sweetheart!”
“Hello, Flutters!” Sweetie responded likewise, matching the pegasus's happy demeanor. “D-do you mind if I call you that?”
Fluttershy paused to consider the nickname. It wasn't original exactly, but nopony called her by it. She smiled and shook her head. “No. I don't mind. ... I like it.” Most ponies just nicknamed her Shy, which was fine of course, but, sometimes, if she was honest with herself, the timid pegasus felt like it was more of a label than a nickname.
“I thought of it on my way over.” Sweetie was pleased she accepted it. The little filly looked around to check that they were unwatched before leaning across the small gap deliberately left between them, and nuzzling the mare's neck. “I missed you today,” Sweetie spoke tenderly.
The feeling was reciprocated to such a degree that, Fluttershy thought, it almost manifest itself in the very air surrounding her, but she said it anyway. “I missed you too ... a lot .” She looked to either side of them to see if she could return the nuzzle, but a gray pony turned toward them just then, and she decided against it. “Did you have fun today?” Fluttershy asked, eager to hear about Sweetie's day.
“School was good. No homework today, so that's nice! And Mom gave me pudding with lunch,” the filly reported. “Then, after school, I went to the clubhouse.” Sweetie paused and tensed a little. Fluttershy noticed, but let her continue uninterrupted. “I ... I told Apple Bloom and Scootaloo today that I'm in love with a grown-up mare.”
Fluttershy was caught off guard for a moment by the sudden revelation. Her anxiety spiked but was calmed somewhat as she realized Sweetie hadn't named her specifically. “O-oh ... my! H-how did they, um ... take it?”
Sweetie looked up from the ground to meet Fluttershy's anxious eyes. “Really well, I think.” Sweetie smiled. “They were surprised, at first, but ... they understand I'm really in love ... and they promised they wouldn't tell anypony.”
“I—I see.” Fluttershy gave the little unicorn an understanding smile and, despite her worry, was glad that Sweetie, like herself, had a pony or two to confide in.
Before Fluttershy could say more, Sweetie added, “I told them about the times we kissed and ... about what happened after.” Sweetie swallowed and looked down again.
This time Fluttershy was only mildly surprised. After another quick check, the pegasus leaned down, and Sweetie was surprised to feel her nuzzle close to her ear. “It's ... okay, Sweetheart. ... I'm glad you have good friends you can trust.”
The foal was immediately comforted. She still hadn’t become used to the kindness that Fluttershy constantly showed her and expected a worse reaction. Now that she thought about it, Sweetie chastised herself for thinking she’d be angry for trusting her friends.
Though it meant skipping dinner that evening, Sweetie felt she needed nothing more than to be close to Fluttershy. Her stomach felt empty, but she didn't regret the sacrifice in the least. For the next precious half-hour, Sweetie finished telling how her friends had reacted at each bit of information, their ensuing talk of weddings, and Fluttershy, in turn, reported the ordinary events of her day, her animals, her weekly church meetings, and the general nature of Twilight's research.
As the two began to discuss their respective assignments from Twilight, almost on queue, the librarian called Sweetie to her loft to talk. Within the shield, the little unicorn recounted again, at ease this time, what had happened with the Crusaders and was glad again for the older pony's praise for both her trust and her caution. She encouraged the filly to continue prudently with both and took particular interest in Sweetie’s answer to her friends about what drew her to Fluttershy. “Do you feel like, maybe—I mean, what kind of attention do you get at home from your parents and when you stay with Rarity?” Twilight asked.
“Well ... I know they’re busy, but,” the foal suddenly released a heavy sigh, unable to hold back her frustration and grief at her family’s typical behavior, “I get so annoyed at them, sometimes! Really,” the white foal paused, and her eyes glistened, “I know it’s not true, but I sometimes feel like they don’t ever really want to pay attention to me or do things with me!”
“It sounds so frustrating and lonely!” Twilight reflected, wholeheartedly sympathetic. “What about Apple Bloom and Scootaloo? Do you feel like they listen to you?”
“W-well ... They did today, and they do sometimes, I guess more than Mom and Dad, and definitely more than Rarity, but, um ... sometimes I feel like ... like they don’t want to listen either, and then I kind of just go along with what they want, like when Babs bullied us and we did that dumb Harvest Day float revenge-thing.” Sweetie frowned. “But ... I feel sort of ... bad, complaining, you know? I mean, they’re my friends, and they ... really care about me.” Twilight nodded, understanding, and made a mental note, interested to learn bit by bit what made the filly tick.
Before adjourning, the foal and the princess discussed yesterday's reading followed by which sections Twilight recommended Sweetie focus on today in 100 Questions Foals Ask About Life . Fluttershy's turn came next, and Sweetie set to reading for the next hour before being called up again. Though their joined meeting was only a half hour, by the time it ended, it was nearly time for the two to go home.
Sweetie bit her lip and hoofed at the floor softly as they stood and prepared to leave the loft. She had to act now, or what she wanted would likely not happen for at least another day. She couldn't wait that long to try. “Um ... Princess Twilight.”
Twilight turned to Sweetie. She'd already told the little unicorn she didn't have to use the title, and normally she didn't. Twilight immediately thought she knew why she had, this time. “Yes, Sweetie Belle?”
“Before we go, is it ... can I please ... give Fluttershy a kiss ... o-on the lips?”
Twilight was right that the filly's tone meant she wanted a favor, but the winged unicorn quickly felt very uncomfortable with what had been asked. Fluttershy's look of sudden surprise was shortly followed by a sincere but apologetic look of interest at Twilight. “I, um ...” Twilight began, but, as she hesitated, Sweetie interrupted with an extended plea.
“It's been two days since we had our first kiss, a-and I'm happy I got to spend the afternoon with the girls today, but ... Fluttershy and I really didn't get to spend much time talking, just the two of us.” Sweetie looked briefly at the pegasus. “Yesterday, well, we got more time, but, even then, I ... just—I miss what we had our first day together, and I know I made a huge mistake and ... and maybe ... I don't deserve to kiss her, really, but—” Sweetie looked longingly at the pony she'd pined for all day, and the beautiful winged mare looked back at her. Sorrow filled her eyes as they ever would when she'd hear Sweetie doubt that she deserved anything she desired “—but I ... please, Twilight?” Sweetie finished softly.
The purple pony carefully considered her answer. Fluttershy's reaction struck her, and a thought occurred to Twilight. “Fluttershy,” the thoughtful princess addressed her friend.
“Yes, Twilight?”
“I remember you said that it was ... seeing Sweetie Belle feel guilty that made you act ... unlike yourself during the incident on the couch. Is that right?”
“Y-yes, that's right.” Fluttershy could see the relevance, but wasn't sure where Twilight was going.
Sweetie cringed, recalling yesterday's joined session and their discussion about how Fluttershy's guilty foalhood gave rise to her hyper-sensitivity. She kicked herself silently, realizing she'd said something unintentionally that might have hurt Fluttershy just now.
“What about right now? Do you feel ... upset at all?” Twilight asked.
The yellow pony pondered the question. “Well, um, kind of ... maybe. I'm ... sad, because I feel like it's my fault,” Fluttershy turned to Sweetie momentarily, “that you feel guilty, Sweetie,” she looked back at Twilight, “but, unlike that time, I guess I feel less stressed, and, also, you're here to enforce the rules, and I ... I trust you, Twilight.” Fluttershy thought hard about the comparison. “I guess ... when we were alone, well ... beside feeling overwhelmed, I imagined cruel ponies setting the rules—telling you,” Fluttershy looked again at Sweetie Belle, “that you weren't a good pony, like, um ... like I was told when I was little, and I was angry, but not at you,” she amended, “at—at them, and at myself.”
Sweetie understood something she hadn't to that point, despite being told yesterday about Fluttershy's trigger. “So ... you really weren't angry at me then.” Sweetie Belle paused to take in the truth.
“I wasn’t.” Fluttershy shook her head emphatically. She looked back at Twilight then back at Sweetie, unsure of whether to continue. Her gaze settled on the floor. “I—I'm ... ashamed that I acted that way. It would never be alright for me to take out what I felt on somepony so innocent.”
“Please ...” Sweetie pursed her lips and her brow furrowed, frustrated with the direction the conversation had taken and knowing Fluttershy blamed only herself, yet again, “if you’re going to take it out on anypony—I mean, I was equally wrong. Even though I didn't know better that admitting I felt bad would make you ... get upset,” Sweetie briefly recalled the frightening moment, “I’m still the one who acted irresponsible while you were asleep.”
“A-alright,” Fluttershy reluctantly conceded. “I understand. Of course, I’m not upset now ... I wasn’t upset at you then for what you did, Sweetie ... even though you acted irresponsible. I was just as irresponsible, even before I ... snapped.” Fluttershy and Sweetie saw eye to eye on what happened, and it began to feel better for both of them. “Um ... Twilight,” Fluttershy addressed her purple friend again. “Does that answer your question?”
“Yes. Thank you, Fluttershy.” Twilight thought quietly a moment longer before continuing. “I haven’t forgotten your question, by the way, Sweetie, I’m just ...” Twilight stopped and sighed. Despite how much she loved to think, all this thinking and all their conversation the past couple hours had tired her. Now, her instinct to honor her friends’ wish fought against what she thought she knew about the kind of relationship they wanted.
“Alright. Here’s the deal,” Twilight attempted to explain what had been on her mind. “You’ve both been very safe since you first came to me, but it’s been very difficult to find anything definitive about your relationship so far. I've found case studies—I mean, information about others who’ve been analyzed, but none of them are exactly like the two of you. Especially, none of the adult ponies have been like you, Fluttershy, or, at least, none of them have come forward like you have to be studied.”
Twilight finally made up her mind. “Sweetie,” Twilight’s voice was tender, “you’re a very lucky filly to have somepony like Fluttershy who puts your needs before her own. Fluttershy, you’re equally lucky to have found a filly who truly seems to care about you the same way you care about her. ... I was thinking, maybe there could be a way to use this chance, letting you kiss, to test your mutual self-control, and gather some data, but ...” Sweetie and Fluttershy both winced at the word, but, “I feel like using such an intimate thing for research ... just isn’t right.”
The two ponies wilted at Twilight’s conclusion.
“... which is why, in light of your progress so far, and your impeccable behavior, I’m going to leave you both here in the loft, shielded and ... completely unsupervised ... for, oh ... five minutes.” Twilight watched the two with an indulgent smile and chuckled softly at their resultant shock. “Is that okay with you two?” Twilight asked.
Fluttershy nodded, smiling widely, beginning to blush. Sweetie didn’t hesitate to give the purple unicorn a high velocity hug that nearly tipped them both over. “Oh, thank you, Twilight!”
Twilight blushed a little herself and giggled as she returned the hug. As she trotted toward the exit, she turned and left them with one last word. “I know I can trust you both to make the best of this time without any ... issues.”
No sooner had Twilight nodded and stepped through the barrier than Fluttershy swept Sweetie up in her forelegs, flew with her to the bed, and let her land on the blanket with a soft *pomf.* The filly squealed joyfully. “W-what are we gonna do on the bed?” Sweetie blushed adorably, her smile bashful.
Fluttershy giggled, standing over her. “How about what you asked for?” Fluttershy leaned down. Sweetie reached up. Their eyes closed, and, after what felt like far too long, though it had been just a few days, their lips met again. To say they relished it would be a dire understatement. Outside, the sun set, but their whole world became bright. Love's purpose swelled in them, and joy chased away their loneliness.
A hoofful of the precious 300 seconds they’d been given passed, and their hearts skipped. Their lips separated for half a moment, their eyes opened, half-lidded, and Fluttershy returned again, this time begging the filly’s permission, as she had two days ago, parting her own lips slightly for a taste of the little filly’s. Sweetie’s response came eagerly, her mouth opened, their tongues met, and their passion burned. After becoming familiar again with the inside of each other’s mouths, the two melted, their heartbeats quickened, and their faces flushed more deeply. Feeling lightheaded, Fluttershy retreated. The two shared each other's breath briefly before Fluttershy lowered herself to her front knees, gently resting her breast against Sweetie's barrel. Fluttershy let her head settle next to Sweetie's, and their cheeks brushed and remained touching.
The pegasus released a soft sigh of relief—relief from the horrible ache that had first burned fiercely with fear at what had happened when she abandoned Sweetie to seek Twilight's aid. Afterward, the ache had smoldered, risen and fallen and risen again over the past few days. Though she didn't look it due to careful grooming, Fluttershy had barely slept, eaten only what she could get by on, and, despite keeping herself busy, her home and her animals showed her suffering ever so subtly in their slight untidiness and malaise. Now she let herself, tried to force herself, to forget the pain until, at last, only the smallest amount lingered.
The two closed their eyes, and Sweetie nuzzled the pegasus. Fluttershy shook a little, feeling weak at her heart's racing, and Sweetie opened her eyes, concerned. “Are you alright, Fluttershy?”
“Y-yes, Sweetie. I just ... thought I might lose you, might never get to kiss you again, and, now ... now, I'm very happy.” Sweetie relaxed, wrapped her forelegs around Fluttershy's neck, and nuzzled her once more with a satisfied hum. Fluttershy reciprocated—was tempted to stay that way forever, but, instead, she raised her chin and, stretching her neck to Sweetie's ear, she whispered softly into it. “I love you.” Smiling, Fluttershy gently nipped at the base of the filly’s ear.
The body part spasmed and Sweetie felt blood rush to it and to parts of her face that weren't normally susceptible to blushing. The sensation made her gasp and then giggle. “I-I love you too,” the reply came breathily after Sweetie’s giggling had stopped, and the sound of it made Fluttershy tremble, this time with pleasure. She withdrew and meant to kiss Sweetie again, but the foal slid a hoof to her breast to stop her.
“F-Flutters,” Sweetie looked somberly up.
“Yes, Sweetheart?”
“What if—” she hesitated, not wishing to ruin the moment, but seeing no better chance than then “—what if Twilight doesn’t agree to help us? I mean ... for as long as I’m little?” Sweetie slid her small hooves to the young mare’s shoulders while Fluttershy frowned and thought.
“I—I don’t know, Sweetie.” The pegasus brought her petite muzzle to touch Sweetie Belle’s and her forehead to rest tenderly against Sweetie’s small horn. She felt a sort of vibration between their muzzles, but especially from the small unicorn’s magical nub. It felt pleasant, safe, and soothing.
“You asked me before ...” Sweetie said softly, “before all of this, whether I’d still want to marry you, even if my family disapproved.”
Fluttershy’s ears perked subtly. She only vaguely recalled the question due to the grogginess that had beset her that afternoon. “Mhm,” the pegasus confirmed.
“Well I do ... I mean I would.” The little unicorn ran a hoof up and across Fluttershy’s cheek as she continued, feeling her softness. “I would leave Ponyville if you wanted. ... I do want to get married, but, if we couldn’t and it were the only way, I’d go someplace far away if it meant we could be together like this ... without the rules.” The foal opened her eyes partly to see what the pegasus thought. Though blurry because of their closeness, the delicate pony appeared sad. “I thought ... that might make you happy.” The foal was let down.
Fluttershy opened her eyes and lifted her head. “It’s not that I’m not happy about—that you want to stay with me. It’s that, you’d lose your friends and family if we left, and, well ... it could hurt Twilight a lot if I break my promise to her. I’m sure it would hurt her, I mean. It would hurt a lot of ponies if you left their lives, all just so we could ... be happy together.”
“Oh.” Sweetie understood, but still felt downhearted.
“That’s not the whole reason I’m sad. I’m sad because ... I’d do it. I’d leave with you, if you asked me to and if Twilight couldn’t help us. I’m sad because I’d betray Twilight after everything she’s done for us,” her eyes glistened, “and I’d hurt your family and all of our friends because I ... I can’t—I don’t want to live without you for so long.”
There was a long pause while the unicorn understood more fully. “Oh!” Sweetie marveled quietly, no longer quite so downhearted, but still sad.
The two again rested their muzzles together and thought, feeling the energy between them. Nearly four of their precious minutes had passed before the silence was broken as Sweetie realized their time must be getting short. “Kiss me more ... please,” the littler pony begged.
Understanding the urgency, Fluttershy leaned in and pressed her lips once more against Sweetie Belle’s. Their kiss again quickly returned to where they had left off. In spite of what Twilight had said, Fluttershy briefly let herself forget all boundaries except where her hooves stayed, next to either of the filly’s sides. Against fear and turmoil, each pony desperately clung to the other, and, with their bodies pressed against one another, they went from frenching to nuzzling and back again. Fluttershy strayed to the little filly’s neck, kissing and nibbling it, relishing each high pitched sigh her foal released. She visited the ear opposite to the first that she’d nipped and balanced it out with another soft but eager nibble. ...
As Fluttershy kissed around the base of the little filly’s horn, a sound made its way from outside their protected bubble, startling her, causing her to yelp and jump clear off the bed. If she hadn’t hovered, the yellow pegasus would have undoubtedly fallen to the floor.
“The time has been 5 minutes and 30 seconds,” the friendly familiar voice of their hostess spoke. “I’m deactivating the physical barrier now so that at least one of you can come through. The cloaking spell will remain in effect for another 30 seconds. The last of the evening's patrons are distracted, so it’s safe to step out, but it’ll still be a good idea to space yourselves like last time.”
The two caught their breath for several seconds, and Fluttershy sighed. Sweetie looked disheveled. “Uhm, Sweetie ... I’ll go out first, and you should probably check your mane in Twilight’s vanity before coming.”
Sweetie nodded, still panting and red-faced on the bed. “Alright.”
Fluttershy noted herself in the vanity mirror, fixing a few stray hairs of her own quickly, before exiting the loft. As Sweetie Belle exited shortly after, Twilight greeted her with Fluttershy in the main part of the library.
The librarian squinted at the young filly, then coughed. “Um ... Sweetie,” Twilight whispered.
The filly looked puzzled at the purple princess's tone. “Yes, Twilight?”
“Do you mind if I talk to you privately for just a second.”
“Um ... okay.”
Twilight nodded for Sweetie to follow her to the stairs nearby that led to her basement. The two disappeared for a minute and then returned. “I-is ... everything alright?” Fluttershy asked, concerned.
“Oh, yes, it's fine.” Twilight assured her. “Perfectly normal,” she smiled down at Sweetie then glanced back at Fluttershy with an odd look that quickly vanished, replaced with her usual smile.
Sweetie cleared her throat, a little embarrassed. “I'll, um ... tell you what it was about later.”
At the mention of later, Fluttershy looked outside. The sun had nearly set. “Oh, okay. Um ... speaking of later, I suppose I should get going. Even though I left dinner ready early for the animals, I've still got to clean up and things.”
“I'm sure Rarity is waiting for me now too.”
With hugs and goodbyes between all three, first Fluttershy then Sweetie left the library.
Twilight sighed deeply. What she'd noticed about Sweetie could have been an honest mistake. She hoped it was. In any case, trusting the two had seemed like the right thing to do beforehoof, and Sweetie wasn't likely, she thought, to let Fluttershy get so close to her horn again, knowing that Twilight would recognize the tell-tale signs of its stimulation. Still, bothered by her uncertainty, Twilight set to doing what she preferred most when troubled with a lack of answers. Through twilight and into the night, the purple unicorn's lamps sparked to life, and the young princess set to studying.
Though each was relieved when it was finally behind them for the sheer amount of work and studying they’d done, the days that Twilight, Fluttershy, and Sweetie Belle spent together at Golden Oaks Library were times of bonding between all three. Without Spike’s help to research such sensitive topics, Fluttershy was put to the task of looking up specific volumes, replacing ones Twilight had finished with, and, when Twilight was too shorthoofed or shorthorned to do so herself—as the case sometimes was when she had a room full of floating books to handle—Fluttershy was asked to take notes.
Meanwhile, in a matter of days, Sweetie and, to a lesser extent, Fluttershy had finished reading a sizable amount of literature about relationships, communication, courtship, and sexuality, each suited to the respective reader's level. Generally, Twilight felt that Fluttershy, unlike her foal counterpart, needed less literature and more exercise—usually mental and emotional in nature, through writing. Twilight also didn’t hesitate, however, to give Fluttershy a modest regimen of physical exercise to supplement the short-term treatment which, she hoped, might act as a catalyst to help her friend find better coping mechanisms than her evidently faulty, but understandable—Twilight thought—sexual behavior.
Each pony labored diligently to do her part, and, though Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle continued to make very good progress, the young princess observed, a sure answer to the couple’s safety eluded her. By the end of the week, Twilight finished with the crates of books she’d ordered from Canterlot. Her last resort would be the Crystal Empire’s formidable library, but a visit there wouldn’t be possible for quite some time, and, to Twilight’s dismay, there was still no system for exchanging books between Cadence’s kingdom and the modest town of Ponyville. For the couple’s sake, however, Twilight decided to expedite her decision on whether she would help them stay together.
So it was, with some trepidation, that, after she finished reviewing the summary of her notes for the third time, Twilight called both Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle to deliver her answer. ...
Author's Note
Last revision published: 29 January 2015
Original Note:
When I was little, I felt alone. I wished for an end to the loneliness, and in due time I was relieved. Divine knowledge poured into my heart and mind, and I determined to follow the one who triumphed over pain and death. My life was saved from terminal sorrow, my burdens eased so they were no longer terrible.
I struggled constantly, still, my faith too weak to overcome lust. One day, when the struggle had beaten me for the thousandth time, I stopped reaching for freedom, complacency took hold, and I gradually fell into degeneracy. There was so much pain to endure. The loneliness I’d managed to control began to return in full force, and I was foolish enough to believe that I was helpless. Truthfully, the responsibility was always somewhat my own, and to blame anypony else never did help, nor can it now.
When I was younger, I yearned for the chance to prove myself to You. I wanted to believe I was strong. I know I've had many chances already and that I could have done much better until now, been valiant, not so weak. I ponder as my heart breaks again and again, how my duty, had it been fulfilled, might have saved my Sweetie from the pain she’s had to endure and the danger she’s now in. Now, as I've reached this pivotal moment, I’m grateful I still have the chance to prove my love and loyalty to You.
I'm thankful, because You've helped me grow strong in compassion through pain and grow meek through failure. When I draw on those strengths, I’m happy, and I've been blessed to serve others with the resulting gift of kindness. I'm thankful there’s always hope and that despair is a choice. I pray that I won't let myself pursue it.
Please, help me to know and desire what will bring me and my friends closer to Your superlative joy. If there's any good, kind, and right way to do it, let me cast off convention for Love's sake. Please, let Sweetie and me be happy together for the rest of forever. But, if there is no way, then ... Celestia help me.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 28 January 2015
Original Note:
To readers who finished the former Chapter 8 before 29 January 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised first part of the old Chapter 8 (now chapters 10 and 11). It is not new to the story.
“... I’m sorry,” having relayed to the couple before her all of her findings thus far, Twilight finally reached her conclusion. Until that moment, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle had been unsure what any of it meant. The apology now caught both of their attention, and they tensed. “Until I have more conclusive data ... the most I’m willing to help you with is ... a chaperoned courtship.” Twilight paused.
Fluttershy brightened. Sweetie looked confused but was encouraged by her fillyfriend’s reaction. “What ... exactly, is a ... sha-per-owned courtship?” Sweetie questioned.
“A chaperone,” Twilight explained, “is somepony who accompanies two ponies on their dates with them. For example, back when cutie-rash was rampant among Canterlot royalty due to sexual indiscretion, and even before the outbreak, concerned families protected their progeny from disease, not to mention their families’ reputations, through more restrictive courtship practices. ... Of course, that didn’t stop infidelity at the time, but, well ... I imagine there were bound to be some major aftereffects to the sudden loss of Princess Luna’s influence following her exile—that’s beside the point, I suppose.” Twilight stopped.
Sweetie still looked confused. “It means—” Twilight restarted. “Basically, what I mean to say is,” for all of her study Twilight struggled to convey what she meant to the young filly until Fluttershy finished for her.
“We can go on dates, but only if somepony comes with us to make sure nothing, um ... naughty happens.” Fluttershy smiled at Sweetie.
“Oh!” The foal’s understanding lit, and she smiled as well.
“Would ... you be accompanying us then, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked happily.
“Um ... yes. I mean, traditionally it would be somepony appointed by the younger filly’s family, and it seems a little embarrassing to sit in on two friends’ special time together, but ... if you can both handle it, then I can handle it ... I think ... for love’s sake, of course.” Twilight smiled sympathetically at the couple.
“This is just—oh, thank you, Twilight!” Fluttershy wrapped her foreleg around Sweetie, leaning closer to her and feeling her heart skip at the increasingly hopeful prospect for romance between them.
“Thank you so much, Twilight!” Sweetie echoed the pony next to her, around whom she didn’t hesitate to throw both her forelegs, eager always to be closer. Fluttershy responded by pulling Sweetie in more tightly and stroking her mane tenderly with her other hoof.
Smiling, Twilight sighed, glad and a little relieved to see the two content. “You’re both very welcome. It’s no marriage yet, but, despite how wonderful the library is, I imagine you’ll both be happy to get some time together outside like regular ponies. And there’s one other thing too.” Twilight composed herself with a more serious but still happy expression, and Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle’s attention focused on her as they hugged. “I’ll be continuing with my research at a more relaxed pace, hopefully paying a visit to the Crystal Kingdom library soon, and, if you’ll agree, I’d like to conduct some tests as well as continue to try and prepare you both for what might be, well ... a difficult road ahead.”
“What kind of tests are you thinking?” Fluttershy asked.
“I’m not sure yet, but maybe something along the lines of ... controlled simulations.”
“S—simulations?!” Sweetie Belle was so shocked she nearly let loose her embrace, but quickly tightened it again, disquieted by the thought. “Y-you mean ... like ... t-touching?”
Twilight looked confused then surprised and slightly nervous for a second as she realized what the filly was thinking. Fluttershy held back a snicker. “Oh! Oh, no-no-no! Sim ulations, not stim ulations, Sweetie. ... I mean make-believe scenarios, er ... situations that might or might not ever actually happen in real life. Some relationship experts use role play, acting out a trouble situation. Hopefully I can do one better! I’d like to make scenarios that appear real with the help of some spells I’ve been studying for just this occasion.” Twilight beamed with a look of smug confidence.
“Trouble situations that seem real?” Fluttershy was concerned. “They won't be too scary, will they, Twilight?”
“Honestly,” Twilight became a bit anxious, “If everything works according to plan, they may seem scary, yes, but it will all be 100% safe, and I promise we'll start out easy. It’s not ready quite yet, though, and I’m going to need to catch up on some unrelated things first, since I’ve been so preoccupied with finding a way to help you both.”
“I can't thank you enough for taking so much time out of your busy schedule for us!” Fluttershy responded. “Please, don't worry too much about timing.”
Sweetie coughed nervously. “Um ... M-maybe before—I mean, thank you.” Sweetie remembered her manners. “Uh ... please don’t worry too much.” She didn’t want to pressure the kind princess any more than Fluttershy did, “but, Twilight ... it won’t take too long—will it?—before we know if we can ask for our families’ blessings and for the other princesses’ blessings like we talked about?” Sweetie often worried she might be the only pony focused on the ultimate goal. Waiting until she’d almost reached marehood wouldn’t be the worst outcome, but Sweetie’s craving for the attention a proper union would provide pressed at her constantly.
Twilight couldn’t help but sigh. She understood Sweetie’s concern, but she worried the filly held unrealistic expectations. Twilight’s main concern was neither that she would be unable to find answers quickly enough nor that they couldn’t receive the unanimous royal go ahead. Both would prove challenging, of course, maybe impossible, but what concerned Twilight most was the pressure Sweetie unwittingly placed on Fluttershy to be both a lover and a caretaker at once. For that matter, Fluttershy’s expectations for Sweetie Belle also seemed unreasonably high. This was why, Twilight had explained in far more verbose terms just minutes ago, she could only promise to keep researching and hope to prepare them.
The studious purple mare silently cursed her constant difficulty with balancing clarity and simplicity. Why was it so hard to form explanations her friends would easily understand? For now, she decided there were more pressing matters at hoof than re-explaining. “I’ll ... try to set the deadline sooner, but, for now—” Twilight hesitated. Even this felt like too much to promise, and, with so much riding on her, it seemed almost reckless, but she put herself in their horseshoes “—for now ... a year,” she finished nervously.
A moments’ silence passed between the three. Sweetie’s heart sank and, where before she’d only felt worried, ice began to settle. She turned to Fluttershy with a look that asked her to say something, anything to make the time be shorter.
Fluttershy caught the desperation on Sweetie’s face from the corner of her own anxious eye before looking up at Twilight. “I ... I know it’s not going to be easy for anypony. For you, Twilight, because you’re uncertain and busy, for you especially, Sweetie,” Fluttershy met Sweetie’s gaze and sorrow filled her to see the filly’s growing heartache, “because you feel so alone,” she ached with her, “and ... for me, I admit, because... I’ll worry about you both and wish very much that we could be ... together, finally, too, but—” she breathed and sighed softly “—I think ... Twilight is right to be cautious.”
Tears welled in Sweetie Belles eyes for a moment until she forced them back. Her hopes for intimacy in the near future fell apart as she heard the pegasus comply. Sweetie’s dream to make the pegasus happy sooner rather than later, to fulfill both of their desires, had been short-lived, proven impossible, yet she’d gotten her hopes up over the past week. Fluttershy wasn’t going to save her from the loneliness this time, and there was nothing she could do but accept defeat ... unless she asked Fluttershy to betray Twilight and abandon their friends, but she couldn’t allow herself to be so selfish.
“It’s ... alright. I-hm—” Sweetie swallowed a sob “—we’ll wait ... and ... m-maybe—“ her voice trembled “—maybe we’ll get lucky.” She didn’t sound hopeful. The little unicorn couldn’t afford to let herself hope any more, not after so many promises that other ponies close to her had failed to keep, at least, not without some sort of begging or manipulation on her part. “At least we can still, um, date.” The little filly forced a smile and tried to look at the positive.
“Yes, we can! That—that’ll be wonderful,” Fluttershy encouraged, though her tone was halfhearted as she doubted it would help Sweetie much in the long run. Fluttershy had experienced years of loneliness that Sweetie hadn't—was used to the ennui it brought about. She still remembered what it was like before she’d learned how to endure it, or, at least, escape from it.
It must be difficult for Sweetie, so young and without experience to aid in her defense, Fluttershy thought. She’d do her best to make the time go by quickly for both of them, of course. Even without the more profound connection, physical and spiritual, that they both wished for, they weren’t truly alone, after all, but, with Twilight so busy and only chaperoned dates allowed, it seemed it would be difficult.
Fluttershy warred with herself over whether or not to press Twilight. Though she wished for more, the most she could manage was to ask, “Twilight, will you be alright with letting us, rm ... if we, uhm ...” she hesitated more out of habit and modesty than out of embarrassment, “kiss on our dates?” If she hadn’t shared so much with Twilight over the past week, the shy pegasus might have stammered. It felt good, having grown to trust her so much. Still, in spite of the fact that she and Sweetie had regularly been given alone time to express their affections intimately, Fluttershy couldn't help being a little nervous.
Twilight nodded and blushed. “I hope I won't intrude so much that you won't have that chance ... I—” Twilight finally admitted what she'd both hesitated and rejoiced to accept about her findings “—I've speculated, based on my research ... that limited i-intimacy will be important for you both ... by which I mean, kissing and, as long as I can be there to chaperone, cuddling,” she clarified. “I did my best to make sure that was okay after the first time I left the two of you alone up here.” Twilight nodded to the loft in which they were gathered.
Fluttershy smiled wide before looking at Sweetie. Her gaze was fixed on the floor as she processed new information. The pegasus was pleased to see the foal's expression finally ease, and, though only a little, Sweetie smiled genuinely. Fluttershy nuzzled the filly for one short moment, and the filly looked up. The yellow pony gently pressed her snout against Sweetie’s, locked eyes with the little unicorn for a second, and proceeded to tilt her head and join their lips together.
Sweetie Belle nearly jumped back, surprised by the forward gesture directly in front of the princess. She didn’t have long to feel nervous as the kiss broke only a second later. It took Sweetie a moment still, despite just having heard it was allowed, to realize that kissing in front of another pony was alright at that moment.
Being careful all week had been hard for Fluttershy, but it had been agony for Sweetie who, at that moment, caught up to the fact that the situation had changed. Her breath caught for an instant, and her eyes widened a second time as she came to the sudden realization that, not only could Fluttershy kiss her, but she could kiss Fluttershy. Sweetie practically attacked Fluttershy’s lips. Many seconds later the two broke apart to breathe.
Despite how comfortable Fluttershy had become with Twilight, she regretted the decision to reciprocate tongue when she saw the purple unicorn looking away very uncomfortably. “I—I’m sorry, Twilight. ... That was uncalled for,” she apologized, though part of her believed it had been worth it to cheer up Sweetie Belle.
It had been only a day since their last kiss, but their love was young. Each craved the other to the point of obsession. Twilight had given them a couple minutes alone after each meeting from the first time Sweetie asked, but it couldn’t satisfy the couple. Despite her remorse for scandalizing their friend, Fluttershy wrapped a wing around Sweetie. The young filly clung to Fluttershy’s side, realizing she’d gone too far and burying her face in the pegasus’s soft yellow coat to hide her embarrassment before peeking out. “S-sorry, Twilight,” Sweetie echoed.
The flustered librarian let out a slightly manic laugh. “No-no.” Twilight sighed. “It’s alright, but ... maybe a little bit of warning next time would be nice. Although, I suppose that wouldn’t be good for romance, would it?” Twilight thought out loud. “Just, um ... don’t worry about it ... I guess.” Twilight coughed, and her eye twitched, looking at the couple. So much for her fear of being intrusive. Once again, the young lavender mare felt woefully inexperienced and wished, ever more intensely, that Cadence were there to help.
The couple's future looked increasingly promising, but increasingly perilous. What drove Twilight to keep going had to be more than pride in her ability to research and even more than pride in her ability to help her friends. If it weren’t for the word she’d given to Fluttershy and the deep care she had for her friend, Twilight would never have put herself in a position like this, one which challenged her very morality and, she feared, could threaten her position in good standing with her mentor.
The new princess questioned for the thousandth time what she was doing, what she was letting happen with Sweetie Belle. The stress was already beginning to wear on her. Twilight breathed deep and tried to relax before moving on to scheduling. Little did she know, she wasn't the only pony who felt pressured to make sure everything was alright.
Days of watching and pondering over the small white filly had passed uneventfully, but Applejack's uneasiness only grew. It was bad enough she didn't sleep as soundly, but, when apple bucking finally failed to take Applejack’s mind off of the matter, she sensed that keeping it to herself any longer wasn't right. Her conscience wouldn't stop bothering her until she confronted the issue head on.
“Hey, Apple Bloom,” Applejack called her sister from the edge of the south field.
The red-maned filly finished her drink and looked up from the water pump. Having just washed up after slopping the pigs, she shook the excess water from her hooves and face and met Applejack half-way. “What's up, Sis?”Apple Bloom didn't have to be related to see that Applejack looked nervous.
“Well, Ah—mm ... would ya mind ... walkin' with me 'n talkin' fer a bit?
The little Apple blinked, unsure of what to make of the request. She suspected this was going to be an uncomfortable conversation, but had no excuse to say no. “Alright. Sure ... Ah guess.”
Applejack nodded stiffly, and the pair started at a casual pace through the orchard. A minute of awkward silence was filled with the twitter of birds and the soft fall of hooves on soil.
The older sister cleared her voice. “Th' Sundowner blossoms sure are nice 'bout this time-a year,” Applejack attempted to break the silence.
Apple Bloom admired the flowering trees surrounding them. “Sure are,” the younger pony agreed.
“It sorta reminds me of when Ah was your age. So much happenin' in life an' so much, uh ... self discov'ry ...” the segue felt awkward. “If ye'r anything like I was, well ... ye'r at a time in life when a lot of other fillies yer age are probably getting' curious 'bout the birds n' the bees.”
Applejack looked down at her sister from the corner of her eye and saw the filly's eyes widen a bit before her brow furrowed. The little filly looked up curiously at the hat-wearing sister and slowed to a stop. Applejack stopped as well, and the two stood facing each other in the middle of the blossoming orchard. “Is that what this is about? Ya know Granny already taught me everythin' about matin' n' such, right?”
“W-well, yes an' no. ... Ya see, uh ... there's always more ta learn, even when ye'r fully grown. A’ course, ya know ya can talk to me about that, but ... but that's ... not really why Ah wanted to talk to ya now.” Applejack paused. “Would ya mind if we rested here fer a spell?” The young mare laid down on a thin bed of apple blossom petals covering the orchard soil, and Apple Bloom sat across from her, keeping eye-level.
Another pause.
“Well ... if it ain't that, then what do ya wanna talk about?” Apple Bloom pried.
Applejack looked down anxiously. “Well now ... Ah—Ah'd like it if ye'd just promise ta hear me out fer a second. ... What Ah've gotta say ... maybe ye'll be a bit sore at me, n' that's okay, but ... will ya promise me, sister to sister, t' at least listen t' everything Ah have to say?” Applejack supplicated, then added, “And would ya please hold yer temper n' any questions ya might have until Ah'm finished?”
Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow and thought a moment to herself, but, at her sister's earnest gaze, the purehearted filly's concern quickly outgrew her doubt. “Ya have mah word,” Apple Bloom promised sincerely.
“Thank ya, Sis.” Applejack breathed deep and exhaled. “Well,” she began, “last week when it was rainin' n' Ah brought you n' yer friends some hot cocoa ... ya remember that?”
Apple Bloom's eyes grew wide in realization and shock, and she nodded, but she held her tongue.
“Well, Ah heard part a’ what y'all were talkin' about. ... Y'see, Ah ...” the admission of her sneakiness came with a little difficulty for the honest pony, “pretended t—ta not evesdrop, but, really ... Ah heard the three of ya, Sweetie in perticular, talkin' ‘bout her bein' with another pony.”
Apple Bloom's shock turned to an incredulous scowl. She had to stop herself then from breaking the promise she'd just made and protesting.
Applejack looked back at her, remorseful, but only offered the following for an apology: “Ah did it because Ah love ya, little sis, n' it's what Mom used ta do. Though, Ah reckon Ah don't know fer sure how often, I caught her from time to time.”
The filly's outrage was quickly subdued, though she remained irked that AJ had played that card. She knew she'd have to forgive her because of it. For the time being, she hmphed and looked down with a pout.
“Now ... Ah know yer probably not gonna give me another chance to listen in on somethin' like that, now that ya know, but ... since Ah did listen in this time, Ah hope ye'll try 'n think of yerself as lucky—”
Apple Bloom raised an irritated eyebrow and forgot her promise. “W—” Applejack held up a hoof to stop the younger Apple.
“Lemme finish now—lucky, because ya won't be breakin' any promises if ya talk to me about somethin' that, Ah think ya know already, could seriously wind up hurtin' one a' yer best friends a lot unless she gets some help from somepony responsible.”
Apple Bloom's doubt-filled eyes, raised eyebrows, and tight-lips spoke silently for her.
“Ah'm not saying it has to be me, now, ner even that it should be me, but ... Ah'm willin' to listen. Ah care about Sweetie like she was our own sister, and, like Ah said, Ah don't think ye'd be breakin' her trust if ya let me in on what's happenin', since Ah already know, partly ... n' one last thing,” Applejack tried to impress the importance of what she was saying on her younger sibling. “Ah don't wanna be the pony who winds up bein' hated by the three most important foals in mah life, but ... if Ah can't find a way to make sure Sweetie's safe, then Ah'll be havin' a talk with some other adult ponies, and there's no sayin' whether they'll be as understandin' as Ah'm tryin' to be right now.”
Apple Bloom's ears folded back, angry, but mostly horrified by what that could mean for her friend and the special somepony she adored, whoever it was.
“Ah know that Sweetie loves this mare she's seein', n' she really believes that mare loves her, but it's not somethin' that oughta happen without somepony ta ... well ... keep an eye on things. And, if Granny Smith, n' Big Mac, n' Ah've taught ya any better, then y' oughta know by now that, if ya really care about Sweetie Belle, you should want her to be safe through all a' this too.” Applejack spoke with all the tenderness and firmness of an older sister and a concerned mother.
Apple Bloom was left to fight a losing battle against both reason and conscience. She clenched her teeth, unsure, frustrated, and, finally, she wilted in defeat.
Applejack watched closely, and, deciding she'd gotten through to the filly, she breathed a sigh of relief. “That's everything Ah have ta say. Now ya know ... and ... it's up to you to decide to tell me, to get Sweetie to tell me, er some other adult pony who Ah can talk to 'n know she's safe, er else Ah'll find somepony t' help her myself, whether it's Rarity, er Sweetie's mom n' dad, er maybe somepony else.”
Silence settled for a minute between the sisters despite Apple Bloom being free again to speak.
“... Are ya ... sure that Sweetie needs somepony uninvited gettin' involved with everythin'?” Apple Bloom asked.
Applejack gave a solemn nod. “Ah thought about it all week, n' Ah can't see any other way.”
“W-would ya promise t' keep it a secret too?” Apple Bloom tried to compromise, but felt she knew the answer.
Applejack was pained to see her sister struggle between helping protect her friend and keeping her confidence. “A-ah can't ... make that promise, Sugar-cube. If Ah ever thought there was harm bein' done, Ah'd have t’ do the right thing n' stop it by any means necessary ... fer Sweetie's sake.” Applejack thought for a second. “But,” the honest mare attempted her own compromise for Apple Bloom's sake, “Ah'll tell ya what. Ah'll give ya ... two days t' talk it over with Sweetie n' let the two of you decide together, if ya want, so at least ya can explain to her what Ah said before Ah’m fully part a' the situation ... n' who knows? Maybe she'll end up appreciatin' another pony's help, an' you could be the friend who offered it to her.”
Apple Bloom seemed ever so slightly encouraged by that thought. “W-would she hafta tell you who it is specific’ly? It seemed like she really wanted it to be a secret. She didn’t even tell me er Scoot,” Apple Bloom pled.
AJ sighed again. “Ah'm afraid she would hav'ta say who it is, yes, er else tell somepony else Ah trust, like Ah said before. There's just no other way to keep a proper eye on 'em.”
Apple Bloom sighed this time. “Ye'r right, but ... why does it feel so wrong at the same time?”
From downstairs, Sweetie heard Rarity call her. Company at that hour was uncommon, especially for Sweetie, as she, like most foals, was soon to get ready for bed.
Apple Bloom met her as she descended the stairs, and she excused herself for coming by so late. “Ah promise Ah won’t stick around too long, but ... do ya mind if Ah come up t’ yer room fer a sec, Sweetie Belle?” Apple Bloom’s gaze darted nervously toward Rarity who stood watching. Fortunately the yellow filly had come prepared with an excuse. “Ah’ve bin workin’ out this practice problem all afternoon, n’ Ah hoped that ya could help me check it b’fore the test tomorrow real quick.”
Apple Bloom pulled out a sheet that Sweetie recognized as last week’s math homework. After a moment’s confusion, Sweetie picked up the hint. “But ... Oh! I mean, sure, yeah. Come on upstairs.” The two fillies disappeared, leaving Rarity alone to finish wrapping up her day’s work.
Behind the closed bedroom door, Sweetie listened, first curious, then anxious, and finally stone-faced to the hushed news of Applejack’s ultimatum. Apple Bloom finished and waited quietly, but she couldn’t hold back her anxiety for more than half a minute. “Please, Sweetie Belle, ya know Ah’d never break a promise, right? I don’t like this, well, not as much as you, Ah reckon, but Ah really am sorry this is happenin’.”
Sweetie released a breath she’d been holding. “I don’t blame you, Apple Bloom. I can’t blame you, but, even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. It’s just ... things were going better with ... her , but now ... this.” Sweetie thought a moment longer in silence. “You said Applejack would be satisfied with another pony she trusts being involved, right?”
Apple Bloom nodded.
“Well, we have two days still, and ... I think I might be able to come up with somepony. ... Please, tell Applejack I’m sorry for worrying her, and that I’ll give her my decision soon.”
Apple Bloom looked at her friend with both relief that she had a plan and with pity for the pain it would cause. She knew as well as Sweetie what the risks were, thanks to discussions and speculations the Crusaders had made over the past week.
The yellow Apple embraced Sweetie Belle, and Sweetie hugged her in return.
“Ya really are like a sister t’ us, y’know?”
“I know. I feel the same. And thank you for coming all the way here to tell me.”
The two parted company for the evening smiling, but not without feeling stressed. Sweetie would have to let Fluttershy and Twilight know as early tomorrow as possible.
Author's Note
Last revised 31 January 2015
Revised 29 January 2015
Original Note:
In other news, LOOK AT THE AWESOME COVER ART ZIPPYSQRL MADE!
To readers who finished the former Chapter 8 before 29 January 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised second part of the old Chapter 8 (now chapters 10 and 11). It is not new to the story.
School passed slowly the next day as they reviewed old material. Sweetie’s impatience wasn’t helped at all during recess by the usual pink and gray bullies who made it a point to be as conspicuous as possible, watching the Crusaders play kickball and laughing any time somepony scored against them or one of them kicked the ball out of bounds. The two burst into a veritable fit of headache-inducing nasal laughter when Sweetie Belle tripped and face-planted while dribbling the ball.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo rushed to make sure she was okay, and Scootaloo nearly marched over and gave the bullies a piece of her mind, but Sweetie Belle stopped her. She honestly just felt better knowing that her friends cared, and she didn’t want to see conflict escalate between the feisty pegasus and Diamond Tiara plus Silver Spoon. Besides, very soon, school would be out for Summer break, and contact with the snobbish duo would mercifully be minimized.
The day finished with a test and free reading time, during which Sweetie attempted to focus on Twilight’s copy of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Meaning Matters Most . Sweetie had quickly gotten quite comfortable with the heavy reading assignments and found them rather enlightening.
This book was a bit more advanced, but she only needed the dictionary three or four times and had to ask Ms. Cheerilee for help with a just few parts before class let out. The little unicorn was rewarded with her teacher’s praise and the satisfaction of hearing Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon gasp and scoff when Ms. Cheerilee told her that she was reading at an academy level. Her friends giggled at their reaction and hoof bumped Sweetie which, all in all, made up for the duo’s jeering laughter earlier, she thought.
Despite their relaxed class schedule so close to the end of the school year, Sweetie was eager to get going at the final bell. Bidding her friends farewell, she paused for only a minute. “I’ve got someplace to be today and I’d like to get there as soon as I can.” The little unicorn looked to Apple Bloom and leaned closer. “Maybe you could fill Scootaloo in someplace you won’t be overheard,” Sweetie spoke just loud enough to be heard at close range over the shuffling of students as they left the schoolhouse. Apple Bloom nodded, and Sweetie ran off with a wave and a, “See you two later!”
A minute later, the unicorn slowed to make sure she hadn’t been followed, and, assured that she hadn’t, she continued to the library. To Sweetie’s dismay, Fluttershy hadn't yet arrived. Twilight was also absent. Just as well, she thought. She really wanted to speak to Fluttershy first, anyway. The little filly considered paying her cottage a visit, but didn’t recall Twilight having lifted the restriction on meeting there unsupervised. Before she could decide whether to risk the attempt, a familiar voice greeted her. “Heya, Sweetie Belle!”
The unicorn turned to see Spike who’d paused to greet her while he carried a stack of books to be returned to their shelves. “Oh, hello, Spike,” she answered distractedly.
“If you're looking for Twilight, she’s off at flight practice. There are only a couple of weeks left before she has to perform that special trick for the Summer Sun Celebration,” Spike explained.
Sweetie only half listened. “I’m actually ... looking for somepony else, right now.”
“Oh. You probably mean Fluttershy, right?” the little dragon sounded confident.
Suddenly Sweetie’s attention focused on him. “H-how did you know?”
“Well ... you two have been hanging out together here a lot lately, not to mention—” Spike stopped himself abruptly. “Uh ... never mind.”
Sweetie was onto him, and, after what happened with Applejack, she wasn’t about to risk letting this go. “Spike,” Sweetie’s expression was serious, “What were you about to say?”
The sudden intensity of the filly’s gaze unnerved the young library assistant. “I—I, uh ... you see ... Twilight told me not to ... well ... I mean, I’ve seen you both around a lot lately ... is all,” he lied. “I, um ... I'll just get back to cleaning up around here.”
As Sweetie approached him, scrutinizing his expression, Spike set down the books he was carrying in spite of what he'd said. “Twilight told you what exactly?” Sweetie looked around and saw the library empty except for the two of them. Spike swallowed and said nothing. “Spike ... what is it you’re not telling me?” she interrogated.
Spike nearly had his back against the book-lined wall, but the unicorn had only gotten closer. The little dragon shut his eyes, mustered his courage against her gaze, and planted himself firmly. The two were nearly snout to snout when he spoke. “I—I can’t say,” he insisted, “not even to you. ... I gave Twilight my word.”
Sweetie pursed her lips and squinted before reaching her conclusion, then leaned, wide-eyed, toward him, so their snouts touched. “So ... you know? ”
Spike’s eyes shifted. Despite his best effort, he wavered. It was Sweetie Belle, after all, he reasoned. He nodded.
Sweetie Belle fell back suddenly to sit on her haunches. He knew, but at least he seemed to take their privacy seriously, she thought. “Did ... Twilight tell you anything?” Sweetie asked.
The little dragon shook his head.
Despite the confirmation that the alicorn was trustworthy, it didn’t help ease Sweetie’s anxiety. They’d been so careful, yet more and more ponies, er ... people, were in on their secret. “Did you ... spy on us?” Sweetie looked at Spike accusingly, thinking about Applejack and concerned that, if even Twilight’s shielding hadn’t been enough, then there was no safety for their secret.
“N-no. Listen, Sweetie. I just,” the purple and green dragon hesitated, seemed nervous for a second before continuing. “Sweetie Belle, you and I, we, uh ... actually have a lot in common.” Sweetie waited for further explanation. “I-if ... if I tell you something, will you promise to keep it a secret?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I couldn’t return the favor, would I?” Sweetie thought out loud, and something clicked. He must be about to tell her ...
“I ... have a crush ... on your sister.”
Of course. It made sense now. “Ohh,” Sweetie responded simply. She’d known this for ages, but in the past week it never occurred to her that what Spike said just previously was absolutely true. They really were alike in at least one crucial way.
“You ... see what I’m getting at?” Spike asked.
“Spike, I ...” She thought about telling him his secret wasn’t really so secret, but didn’t want to be the one to break it to him, at least not now, when she sensed a budding camaraderie between them. “I get what you mean, but ... well ... now that I think about it ... nopony seems to mind when a colt, er.. young ... he-dragon,” the word sounded like a question from Sweetie Belle, “likes a mare, so ... why do you bother to keep it a secret?”
“He-dragon is fine, but technically it's drake. ” Twilight’s proclivity for fact-sharing showed through her assistant. “But, to answer your question, well ... I’m sort of just afraid what she’ll say if I or somepony else tells her.”
Sweetie digested this fact. She knew her sister preferred, or at least used to prefer, the royal stallion type. She wasn’t sure what sort of chance Spike would have with her now or ever, really. “Wouldn’t it be better to know how she really feels, though?”
Spike’s expression grew sad. “Well, I ... guess I already kind of know.” He sighed and reflected back. “I almost did tell her once, when we were falling to our doom, but ... even then, she stopped me from saying it.” He let out another melancholy sigh. It still hurt to admit to himself that his feelings weren’t mutual. “At least she’ll still let me hang around and help with her messier jobs. ... I ... almost wish Rarity were a bit more like Fluttershy. You know what I mean?” Sweetie looked down in contemplation and felt extraordinarily fortunate at that moment. She nodded. “N-not that I’m saying I know anything about Fluttershy,” Spike quickly amended.
Sweetie Belle looked up with a small grin on her face and couldn’t help but giggle. “You’re a good friend, Spike. And, for what it’s worth, I think Rarity would be lucky to have you.”
A brief pause followed, and the two finished the thought in harmony. “Maybe, some day.” They laughed together shortly before the silence of the library sunk in.
It was fortunate, Sweetie thought, that, despite being delayed, she’d made such a connection with another person like herself. “Spike, what do you think you'd do if Rarity did say she'd go out with you?”
Spike contemplated for a moment. “Well, I'd be really happy. Maybe we could have dinner together someplace nice!” the little dragon smiled brightly and blushed. The way Sweetie looked at the floor told Spike she'd hoped for a different kind of answer. “Did I, uh ... say something wrong?” Spike added.
Sweetie looked up. She wanted to ask what he'd do in her situation, but it was apparent to her now that he didn't know everything about her situation. After what happened with Applejack, even though she didn't think Spike would react the same way, she couldn't bring herself to shake her nervousness to explain; even if she could, she wasn't sure he should be trusted to keep the whole secret, crush on Rarity aside.
Spike waited, but received no clarification. Concern grew on his own face after a moment. “It must not be as easy as I thought, even with somepony who feels the same way about you.” Spike thought of the meetings they’d quietly held in Twilight’s loft and the privacy shield that probably only he and those behind it had noticed Twilight cast numerous times now.
Tears welled in the young filly’s eyes, but she pushed them back for fear that somepony might enter the library. Her voice quavered. “I—” She again considered leaving to Fluttershy’s. It would be easier than thinking more about the jeopardy in which her relationship had been placed.
She’d been in a hurry before to resolve the matter of Applejack’s well-meaning interference, precisely because she didn’t want to have to live with the uncertainty it created any longer than necessary. Thanks to her resolve to tell Fluttershy and Twilight, Sweetie had been able to set aside her anxiety this long. Now, though, she felt its intensity building. She dreaded being separated from Fluttershy too much to tolerate the mere possibility any more than necessary. Marriage ... she clung to the thought. Marriage was the solution to all their problems.
Sweetie knew that, if she went to Fluttershy now, she’d be comforted, but what about Twilight’s boundaries? The filly breathed a sigh. “Do you ever think about marrying Rarity?” Sweetie tried and failed to distract herself.
“I ... guess I have, yeah.” Spike seemed eager to move past the uncomfortable silence.
Sweetie thought how she might rephrase her first question without revealing anything more vital than Spike already knew. “If ... um—have you ever wanted to do ... m-mushy stuff with her?”
The dragon blushed a little, caught off guard. “Um ... well, honestly,” he let loose a longing sigh, “all the time.” A dreamy, far off look filled his eyes.
Thinking about her own simple fantasies, Sweetie found herself intrigued to know Spike’s as well. A more pressing question nagged her at the moment, however. “Have you ever thought what other ponies might think if they knew that, well ... an older mare and a ... young drake, were married and, um ... did all of the mushy stuff that married couples do?”
Suddenly Sweetie realized she actually had no idea how married dragons might do what ponies did. She knew they laid eggs, but beyond that, nothing. “I’m not ... a hundred percent clear, honestly, how that works,” Spike echoed Sweetie’s thought. He hadn’t exactly received any in-depth education regarding dragon reproduction, much less dragon intimacy. “But, anyway, I guess I haven’t really thought about what others would think. ... I mean ... I told Twilight and Pinkie how I felt about Rarity, and they both seemed alright with it.”
“Really?” Sweetie squeaked. Until that moment, Sweetie thought Spike's admiration for her sister had gone unprofessed to Twilight. Spike nodded, and Sweetie pondered the difference in their friends' reactions. Something seemed to become clearer about her and Spike’s situations. She already knew that ponies were sometimes afraid of things that were different, and it was different to like foals, but she hadn’t really understood that it was so different that, even if a foal openly admitted to liking a mare, ponies didn’t seem to worry.
It felt almost like an insult that nopony but Fluttershy thought she was sexual enough to be considered seriously as a potential lover. Almost. Rather than offended, Sweetie actually felt a little bit ashamed. She was very young, after all. Maybe something was wrong with her inside, she thought, to feel so in love. Or, if everypony else thought she couldn’t be serious, maybe what she felt actually wasn’t true love. Her thoughts and feeling were nebulous, hard for her to pin down and understand, but they made her as uncomfortable as if she'd articulated them.
Then again, maybe the acceptance Spike garnered had nothing to do with whether or not Rarity liked him back, but with the fact that he was male, she thought. That didn’t feel any better, really, and the thought did offend her a little. Just because she was a young lady, why should she get any less acceptance for her interest in Fluttershy? Sweetie’s thoughts concluded with a frustrated pout. “I wish I had it that easy.”
Spike didn’t know what to say, but, again, he felt bad for Sweetie. “Um ... sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” Sweetie Belle shook her head and sighed. Feeling no more need to dwell on hypotheticals for now, Sweetie’s curiosity turned finally to Spike’s fantasies.
“So ... um ... what kind of ... well, I mean, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to say, of course, but ... what kind of ... m-mushy stuff do you think about?”
Spike laughed nervously. To share that info with a friend was one thing, but to share it with a cute filly and the sister of the pony he adored, Spike thought, seemed especially strange. He couldn’t explain the butterflies he felt in his stomach just then, the ones he usually only felt around Rarity. “W-well ... promise you won’t laugh?”
Sweetie Belle nodded, smiling, and Spike launched into a fantasy involving ice cream.
The next couple hours passed much more easily for Sweetie Belle than the rest of the day had to that point. A few ponies visited the library at intervals to return books or browse, during which, the two giddy youngsters paused and waited impatiently or else held their conversation in hushed whispers.
Sweetie was happy to indulge in Spike’s capacious dream world with him, most of the time with simple nods and hums of approval, imagining herself and Fluttershy instead. Spike enjoyed sharing almost as much as she enjoyed listening, but he, too, ventured a couple times to ask what Sweetie wished for, if she didn’t mind sharing. She grew timid immediately and failed to say much other than something mumbled about milkshakes, cuddling, or which of Spike’s ideas most appealed to her before asking him more about himself, and so the time passed.
Near the end of the second hour, Sweetie had finally begun to open up about which appendages she most enjoyed of the pony she admired, when the pony herself finally appeared. Sweetie rushed to meet her near the library entrance. With nobody other than Spike as witness, Sweetie nuzzled the sunny pegasus’s neck. The open gesture caught her off guard.
“S-Sweetie Belle?” Fluttershy looked down at her and then across the room at Spike. She’d figured the baby dragon must know something, having been present all week while they spent time together, and having been charged by Twilight to keep quiet, but the cautious mare wasn’t wont to press their luck.
Sweetie caught herself and pulled back out of respect, however unwarranted the little unicorn felt it was after the bonding she and Spike had shared. “Sorry.” Sweetie’s ears folded and she grinned sheepishly. “Spike and I have been talking, and, well,” she lowered her voice to a whisper, “he doesn’t know about everything, and he promised Twilight he won’t say a word about what he’s seen, but he sort of let out to me that he knows we’re together. We've been talking while I waited for you.”
The two looked at the little dragon, and Fluttershy let out a hushed “Oh!”
“It took some prying, even though it was me, just to get him to admit it. I think we don’t have anything to worry about. Still, I ... uhm ... sorry. I should be careful anyway, even though he does know.
Fluttershy understood and relaxed enough to greet Sweetie Belle properly with her usual warmth. “I'm sorry I kept you waiting.”
Sweetie shook her head. “It was nice talking to Spike.”
Fluttershy looked back at Spike to greet him as well. It might have bothered her more that he confessed to know, but Fluttershy had always held a soft spot for him, even envied Rarity a little for the way he admired her so sweetly and sincerely. Fluttershy looked down at that thought to Sweetie Belle and marveled that she was so fortunate to have won such adoration from the filly of her dreams. Sweetie sensed the thought behind the mare’s sparkling eyes and felt her heart beat quicken and her face grow hotter. The shade of red in her cheeks left over from Spike’s stories deepened.
“Thank you, by the way, Sweetie, for understanding that I want to be careful. I ... trust you.” Fluttershy tilted her neck and nuzzled the foal in return as Spike watched. A sad little expression crossed his face, though neither pony noticed.
Normally, the vote of confidence would have been welcome to Sweetie Belle. In light of what news she had to share, however, it only made it harder for her now that the time had come. She’d been careless with the Crusaders, and she blamed herself. With Fluttershy, she thought, it would be okay. “I missed you ...” sincerity dripped from Sweetie’s tone, “and,” she added before Fluttershy could respond, “I have some important news.”
Fluttershy noted her anxiety. The couple made its way to their usual spot and rested. As Sweetie quietly proceeded to explain, Fluttershy was predictably understanding and understandably anxious to hear about Applejack’s eavesdropping and ultimatum. Sweetie looked downcast by the time she’d finished retelling everything that Apple Bloom told her. “I ... just keep messing things up.”
“You only did what you felt was right, and you couldn't have done any better, Sweetheart.”
Sweetie felt the familiar caress of feathers as Fluttershy wrapped her in her wing. The foal embraced her protector just long enough to let her worry and shame fade. “I thought,” Sweetie continued, “maybe Twilight could talk to her.”
Fluttershy nodded. “That seems like our best option. I think Applejack trusts Twilight almost more than anypony. She should be satisfied that way,” and, thought Fluttershy, maybe having another of their friends involved would lighten Twilight's burden, assuming Applejack could be persuaded to help somehow, not that she had any more spare time than Twilight did. Still, what Sweetie thought was a mistake seemed to Fluttershy like a small miracle of an opportunity.
The couple talked about what the librarian would think when she heard the news but moved on fairly quickly to more lighthearted subjects, their upcoming first date and the usual—how their days had gone, Sweetie's classmates, and Fluttershy's animals.
Spike occupied himself with cleaning, reshelving, and helping patrons, keeping them more occupied than he normally might for the sake of the absorbed couple. He was used to working in the background, but the conversation he'd had with Sweetie made him feel more connected to the pair today, for which he was glad. These were harder days, with Twilight busy and less free time to spend at Carousel Boutique. Spike longed for Rarity's company as he watched Sweetie and Fluttershy from the corner of his eye.
The evening unfolded as well as could be hoped upon Twilight's return. Twilight seemed confident the situation would turn out alright, but was a little concerned about how Fluttershy was handling the gradual stripping of the privacy she'd only recently begun to give up.
“I knew it wouldn't be easy,” Fluttershy spoke with a pensive expression, “and that a lot would change. It's not fair to Sweetie that she should have to worry so much for my sake when ... I'm already getting more than anypony else out of this. Even if it doesn't work out, I've gotten closer to both of you than I've ever been with anypony.” Fluttershy's eyes sparkled, and she caressed Sweetie's mane and neck with a stray hoof. “I've never been more hopeful, and also never been so scared,” Fluttershy admitted, “but, whatever happens, I know I've also never felt more loved.”
Author's Note
Last revised 31 January 2015
Revised 29 January 2015
Original Note:
In other news, LOOK AT THE AWESOME COVER ART ZIPPYSQRL MADE!
“Sweetie, Dear, have you been feeling alright lately?” Rarity sat alone with the little filly across the table at breakfast. The young unicorn mare noticed Sweetie's behavior had been rather peculiar lately, but, today especially, the littler pony seemed off.
Having idly stirred her oatmeal for the last five minutes, she paused, the far off look in Sweetie's eyes focused, and she looked up at her sister momentarily. “I feel fine,” Sweetie answered absentmindedly and went back to stirring her oatmeal.
“You haven't eaten a bite of breakfast. Aren't you hungry?”
Sweetie wasn't particularly hungry, but she took a bite anyway. It tasted bland even though she'd added the usual amount of brown sugar and cinnamon. She swallowed, and the corner of her mouth drew back as she decided it was neither good nor bad really. “I guess not.” Sweetie’s nerves dulled her enjoyment. The foal set her spoon down to avoid playing with the oatmeal any longer, and, a minute later, Rarity gracefully whisked the dishes to the sink.
Sweetie always loved seeing her big sister’s magic, no matter how small the task. She’d normally ask to help or be inspired to try levitating something herself, but today she could only think about what would be happening in four short hours. “Can I be excused?” Sweetie thought about going to pick something out to wear later.
Rarity sighed. Something was up with her little sister, but she simply had no time to investigate. It struck her as odd that the little filly hadn’t already told her everything. She was usually so ... vocal , she decided. Rarity chided herself for thinking pesky at first. The elegant young mare truly cared about Sweetie, but work made it hard enough just to keep up with her friends, and the little filly seemed to be doing just fine beside, at least in general.“Yes, Sweetie, you may be excused.” She emphasized the correct word choice.
The foal made her way to exit the kitchen.
“Sweetie,” Rarity thought to say one last thing before she left.
“Hm? What is it, Sis?” Sweetie asked.
“I love you.” Looking back from the sink where she washed the dishes, Rarity smiled, though concern and regret filled her eyes.
To Sweetie it came out of nowhere. Even when Rarity was affectionate with her, she’d almost never said those exact words. Hearing them now made her think immediately of Fluttershy, who’d made it a habit every time they parted over the past week to tell her she loved her. “I love you too.” Sweetie Belle smiled brightly. Though she didn’t know what prompted it, it was always nice to hear it said and say it in return.
Rarity watched as the little filly disappeared.
Upstairs the juvenile unicorn rummaged through dresses she’d brought from home or kept there from past events. She had her flower filly dress from the royal wedding, the dress from Twilight’s coronation, a pastel green tutu (good for silly dancing around the house, making Rarity giggle, or just pretending she was a ballerina), and her Sunday best. Despite the grand occasion for which she wanted an outfit, the dresses Sweetie owned were all too fancy or too foalish for the date, she decided. A simple frilled saddle would have been perfect, but she probably wouldn’t receive one until she earned her cutie mark.
She felt lonely and a little sad to think of how Rarity would have loved to help her under slightly different circumstances. Of course she didn’t really trust the Crusaders’ sense of fashion, but, even if she did, involving them in lieu of Rarity would still have been too great a risk. Twilight already did so much, and was only barely able to fit in their date at all this week, but, even if she’d had the free time, it would look suspicious to have Rarity’s friend visit Sweetie alone, she thought, so the little unicorn made do on her own.
Once Sweetie finally had planned what to wear, she sat and tried to think what more she could do to calm her nerves and pass the next three hours. Her mind only drifted to everything that might go wrong. To distract herself, Sweetie tried reading, and, when she found she couldn’t focus, the unicorn tried writing in her diary. Using a code she and the Crusaders had developed in shenanigans that seemed by now long passed, Sweetie recorded what had happened yesterday, what she expected was going to happen today, her impressions, and what she wished might happen in the not too distant future.
Only half an hour had passed before she could think of nothing more to report, and the filly groaned, impatient for the waiting to be over, to see her very special somepony in the fresh open air. The weather was predictably perfect, but Sweetie wasn’t in the mood to go out for any other reason than to meet Fluttershy, so inside she stayed and meanwhile continued to worry whether she'd look cute enough, if she might act dumb, or whether she might say one of a thousand different things that could ruin the date.
After much sighing and pacing, finally, mercifully, an idea came to her to pass the time.
Fluttershy woke peacefully that morning at her rooster’s first crow. The fresh morning breeze wafted in through a window she'd left open to cool herself throughout the warm night and carried with it the sweet smell of Gerberas.
The sun had yet to rise. Normally Fluttershy would lie in bed, waking gradually ‘til dawn broke, but the excitement she felt as she remembered what would happen later that day energized her. Thoughts of Sweetie Belle’s tender affections, the two of them resting next to one another in the serene outdoors without hushed voices or the need to look over their shoulders constantly, soaking in the sunshine both literal and figurative in Sweetie Belle’s company, made Fluttershy’s heart both gladden and quicken and brought her to her hooves with a wide smile.
What a contrast, she thought, compared to just over a week ago when she’d lain in bed, fearful and full of lust, uncertain how she'd ever stand to be in the presence of the foal she most desired. She thanked her higher power for everything, her trials and sorrows, her comforts and joys, her friends and anypony whom she hadn’t yet befriended. She thought of her family and asked silently for their happiness. She thought of Sweetie’s family and asked the same for them. She asked a blessing on several of her animals specifically and on everypony and everyone, and, finally, she set about her day with a spring in her step.
Studying, journaling, calisthenics, and feeding her animals worked up the petite pegasus’s appetite. She ate fit and light as usual and was satisfied. Hygiene followed, including Angel Bunny’s tail-fluffing, a quick cuddle with her furry friend, and then off she went to her daily chores and errands.
The supplemental reading, writing, and exercise were still new to Fluttershy’s routine but they quickly grew on her. She noticed she had more peace, better focus, and greater energy thanks to the regimen her princess friend prescribed. Before Twilight ever asked her to, Fluttershy had told herself a hundred times she’d make this sort of healthy thing more of a habit. Why she hadn’t followed through she couldn’t explain. She guessed it took her friend’s support and true love’s interest to finally motivate her.
The nagging, “what if,” her usual fear of failure, wouldn’t get her down today. She knew she was loved and worth loving to ponies she cared about, and she had faith that nothing could deter her ultimate happiness as long as she remained steady in her will to succeed, whether or not she actually did so today, or in a week, or over the course of her lifetime.
She hoped against hope she would succeed at healing her inner wounds, both self inflicted and otherwise, and become the pillar of strength she wished to be for Sweetie Belle. Most importantly, Fluttershy was determined to succeed at what mattered most. At any cost, she'd love others, showing those in need the kindness she so cherished. In her flurry and hurry to prepare, the morning passed, and the time quickly came to meet the little pony she loved with their chaperone at the agreed location. Fluttershy set out eagerly.
“As a matter of fact the only young girl who is really ‘free,’ is she whose chaperon is never very far away. She need give conventionality very little thought, and not bother about her P’s and Q’s at all, because her chaperon is always a strong and protective defense; but a young girl who is unprotected by a chaperon is in the position precisely of an unarmed traveler walking alone among wolves.” Twilight recited the words of Emily Posting’s Ettiquette to herself, the book floating before her as she trotted toward the rendezvous point for her and Sweetie Belle.
The little white filly sat waiting at the edge of Ponyville. Upon seeing the lavender pony draw near, Sweetie hopped excitedly to her hooves. “Twilight!” she bounced energetically toward her.
Hearing the call, Twilight closed the book and tucked it away in her +1 tail of holding. “Hello Sweetie Belle!” Twilight checked to see whether they were alone. As she’d hoped, nopony was nearby. “You look lovely!” Twilight smiled adoringly.
Sweetie beamed. “Thanks! It took me a while to figure out what to do. Do you think Fluttershy will like it?” the white filly asked.
“I’m sure she will.” Twilight responded. Fluttershy would adore the little filly no matter what, thought Twilight.
Sweetie chattered on about her preparations while Twilight listened intently, nodding and offering the filly what encouragement she could while they walked leisurely toward their destination. “... I guess I’m rambling.” Sweetie stopped and blushed a little.
“Not at all, Sweetie Belle. It’s a special day for you. You have every reason to be excited!”
“Thanks, Twilight.” Sweetie was glad the gentle purple mare was there for her, and Twilight was pleased in turn that Sweetie Belle seemed to be comfortable with her.
“A good chaperone must also be a good friend.” Twilight thought back to her book. “We may have come closer because of Fluttershy, but I hope you’ll also think of me as your friend outside of what happens between the two of you.” Twilight smiled warmly.
Sweetie smiled back happily, but, moments later, recalled the thought she'd had only yesterday of betraying Twilight's trust. The filly looked suddenly as though her stomach hurt and turned her head down and away, clearly bothered.
“Is everything alright, Sweetie Belle?” Twilight looked confused by the reaction.
Sweetie forced a smile. “N-never better!”
Twilight said nothing more, but wondered at the obvious fib.
The following silence didn’t last long. As they cantered toward their destination, around one gently sloping hill covered in wildflowers, Fluttershy and Sweetie’s eyes met, and, calling to each other, each galloped to meet the other with an embrace. Twilight lagged behind intentionally, giving the two some space.
Fluttershy and Sweetie released one another. The pegasus’s eyes sparkled, her cheeks turned red, and her mouth hung slightly open for a moment as she took in the filly’s beribboned mane and tail. The little unicorn had never seen the expression before. She couldn’t be sure, but Fluttershy's admiration seemed to have somehow grown, if possible.
Sweetie had decided the best she could do in lieu of a suitable dress or saddle was to style her mane and tail, but even special grooming proved a bit tricky. Changing her style much or polishing her hooves would have left evidence that something was up, and, Sweetie decided, Rarity already seemed suspicious enough. The wary foal left a little early to the rendezvous point, so she’d be able to put on the hair pieces without any risk of being noticed. It had been tricky working outside with only the little hoofheld mirror she’d been gifted back when she first wanted to copy her elegant older sister, but, if Sweetie wasn’t mistaken about Fluttershy’s reaction, it had been worth the trouble.
The foal’s ribbons matched her emerald eyes. Sweetie had tied one in a bow smaller than Apple Bloom's by about half and fixed it in place just above her ear with a hairpin. The other she tied similarly, though a bit larger, around the dock of her tail. It was simple and Sweetie wished she could have done more. In Fluttershy's eyes, however, the simplicity highlighted the foal's innocence and made her craving for the little filly intensify.
Sweetie was relieved to see that Fluttershy hadn't worn anything either in the way of saddle or dress. Throughout her mane and tail the pegasus had set light blue wildflowers, flax, if memory served Sweetie correctly from the lesson in herbs and flowers Fluttershy had given her that fateful morning. It stood out to her as one of the prettier types for their dainty petals and vibrant hue against their dark green stems. Now, against Fluttershy's hair they stood out beautifully, complementing her warm powder pink tone.
Sweetie admired the way the mare's eyes stood out next to the little flowers a moment before feeling her stomach rumble softly. Suddenly, she thought instead of how the flowers might taste. Almost on queue, Fluttershy turned her head briefly and, from beneath her wing, produced a small bouquet. The colorful assortment quickly drew Sweetie's attention, bright red geraniums surrounded two immaculate Gerberas, yellow and orange. Fluttershy took the little bundle from her mouth to her hoof to give them to her sweetheart. “I, um ... thought maybe you wouldn't mind an appetizer before our picnic.” Fluttershy smiled wide to see Sweetie hop excitedly.
“Oh! Thank you! They're beautiful! Nd tfsty.” Sweetie finished with a mouth full of yellow petals.
“I’m really glad you like them!” Fluttershy rejoiced. Looking up, she saw Twilight standing a short distance off, smiling at the two. “I have everything set up. Why don’t we all relax and have something to eat?” Sweetie nodded happily and decided to save the remainder of her flowers for later. Fluttershy stepped to the filly’s side, took her under her wing, and looked expectantly back at Twilight.
The purple pony stepped forward a few paces, but stopped before coming much closer. Sweetie looked back as well, and the couple focused on their chaperone. “This time ... is for the two of you.” Twilight answered, feeling slightly awkward. “Please, don’t worry about me, I brought something to read and—”
“Oh, don’t be silly, Twilight!” Fluttershy insisted cheerfully. She appreciated the gesture, but certainly didn’t want to exclude their friend. “I have enough hay juice and strawberry sandwiches for all three of us and to spare.”
Twilight smiled and approached, but countered the offer. “I’m afraid I have to insist. In my book, Emily Posting says that a chaperone should never stay with a couple at meals, and I agree with her, but I won’t be too far away, and I’ll gladly accept a sandwich and a drink!”
Fluttershy assented and returned a concerned smile but made no complaint. She was grateful for the chance to give all of her attention to Sweetie Belle, after all. Sweetie was happy to go along with whatever the two older ponies decided, but also a little relieved to have some semblance of privacy with her fillyfriend.
So the yellow pegasus accompanied the young filly to a spread red and white checkered blanket where each settled. Twilight took what Fluttershy offered her in a napkin and cup, levitating it with her to a comfortable patch of grass a good twenty paces from the couple. Fluttershy served the little pony she loved, then herself, and the two rested across from each other on the blanket to eat.
A soft breeze and spotted clouds tempered the warm sun throughout the first part of their afternoon together. The scent of wildflowers wafted from the hill next to them, surrounding them with the sweet smells of the end of Spring, and butterflies and honey bees drifted nearby from flower to flower and over their picnic. Sweetie watched a few land on Fluttershy before moving on. The mare smiled at each of them, never bothered, even as bees buzzed next to her ears or butterflies flew close to her face. For the most part, Fluttershy’s gaze rested on Sweetie Belle.
Sweetie giggled at the way Fluttershy went cross-eyed to look at one butterfly as it landed on her muzzle before fluttering gracefully between them to land on Sweetie’s muzzle instead. The sunny pegasus returned a giggle in like manner as Sweetie's eyes crossed similarly, and the colorful insect left toward the hill in search of nectar.
“I know your special talent is working with animals, but I didn’t expect so many to come to you without, I dunno, a call or something.”
Fluttershy blushed slightly at the impressed look on Sweetie’s face. “Well, in a way, I guess you could say I am calling them.” Sweetie's expression turned curious. “The bees in particular, but also sometimes other flower-loving insects, are attracted to certain shades of yellow. Pink is also a color they like. They see colors differently than ponies do, but, in any case, they’re attracted to whatever shares things in common with the flowers that give them food.”
“Ohh.” Sweetie thought to herself. “So they think you might give them food like a flower?”
“Until they get close enough to know better, yes, at least most of the time, I think. Some, like that butterfly, stop to say hello though.” Fluttershy explained.
“Do they really have their own language like we do?” Sweetie marveled.
“Well, not like French or Equish, no, but some, especially animals that live in hives or other groups, have very interesting ways of talking to one another ... and, deep down, I believe every creature really wants to be understood,” cared for, she thought silently and pondered, staring across the multi-hued plant and animal life surrounding them.
Sweetie saw extra tenderness in the pony's aquamarine eyes and felt a sudden need to lose herself in them. Several moments later, the sunny mare blinked, coming out of her reverie as she felt the foal's mood shift and noticed the way she looked up at her, her eyes sparkling. Reflexively, Fluttershy blushed and her gaze turned to the picnic blanket momentarily, ready to withdraw.
She often tried not to notice how others looked at her, averting her gaze and hiding behind her mane. Now, though, Fluttershy was drawn into the other pony's eyes, and the two gazed deeply at each other. What striking beauty Fluttershy saw in Sweetie's jewel irises dilated her own pupils. Sweetie smiled, suddenly feeling an intense, unfamiliar mix of sad and happy at their connection.
The two leaned forward subconsciously, and, when their distance was still too great, Sweetie abandoned her spot on the blanket for a place at Fluttershy's side. The yellow mare wrapped her, as usual, in one wing, and Sweetie pressed her small cheek and snout affectionately against her fillyfriend’s shoulder.
Fluttershy lowered her head and met her foal’s warm nuzzle with her own. A pink curtain fell around them, the pegasus’s mane hiding more than her own face, for once, from the world. Their eyes met again, and, after a moment’s hesitation, Fluttershy's lips met Sweetie's. Each enjoyed the pillow-y comfort of the other's lips and felt the now familiar current course between them. The older pony kissed her foal tenderly and eagerly, and the tender little pony's lips pressed back in kind, receiving her pegasus like sun after a chill night.
Every kiss sent and received a subtle message. That week they’d begun to form a quiet language of their own, one of emotion and arousal, expressed sometimes with relaxed sighs, sometimes with shortened breaths, and still other times with light or shuddered gasps. The delicate sounds of lips and tongues meeting and parting, sometimes wetly pulling and unintentionally sucking, were, in their own way, a means of reaching out, an exchange of the most basic understanding. Now, uninterrupted finally, they began to speak their language fluently for the first time.
Each felt the other in the intimate hour that followed. Each sensed the other’s peace and joy, but, most of all, they felt a longing that grew in intensity. Very soon it distracted them until, on more than one occasion, starting with Fluttershy but taking turns evenly, one pony’s touch would travel downward, across the other’s flank, or one’s lips would leave the other’s mouth, searching for her partner’s neck or shoulder or chest, and Twilight Sparkle felt it necessary to cough and clear her throat loudly to remind them that it could go too far. In response, one or both would moan softly or whimper faintly at not being able to go further, only loud enough for both to hear, a secret kept from their chaperone that told the other pony, Yes. Please! or Give yourself to me! or, Take me now!
Never had Fluttershy felt so safe and so free to be open, and never before had Sweetie Belle felt so unconditionally accepted and loved.
There were a hundred thousand things they could have talked about. At least a hundred different questions passed through either pony’s mind, but none surpassed the exigent need of either pony to continue in their new primal tongue.
Author's Note
Last revised 1 February 2015
Original Note:
I'm just publishing this little bit now so that the next chapter won't be too long, hopefully.
To readers who finished the former Chapter 10 before 2 February 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised first part of the old Chapter 10 (now chapters 13 and 14). It is not new to the story.
Twilight Sparkle had barely read two full chapters of her book during the past hour and a half. Though she’d tried to prepare herself, the way the two went at it was beyond what she’d expected. Constant worry caused the lavender mare to check the boundaries of her pony detection spell more frequently than necessary for such a remote location, and, conscious of the time, Twilight couldn’t help watching her own shadow, waiting anxiously for the date to reach its end. It was worth her discomfort for her friends’ sake, she thought, though her uncertainty about their situation nagged at her more now than ever.
Though the new princess had been far from complacent, never allowing herself to forget how much depended on her, what was happening now simply felt reckless. Ultimately, Twilight gave up trying to read and instead passed her time as chaperone in deep contemplation. The adept pony focused. She must stay vigilant, she must find answers, and she must not , under any condition, fail.
The studious young mare’s organized mind went back through a mental checklist of everything that had happened to that point. She forced herself not to rush through the uncomfortable parts as she wished she could. She could afford to overlook nothing. Going back over everything she could remember about her research and the course of action she’d planned, there was a lot to recall, but her mind was sharper than the average pony's, and the matter was one she knew well, having dwelt on it all too often over the past week.
The young princess reminded herself to breathe and tried to relax. Upon clearing her mind, one thought in particular resurfaced. Yesterday’s meeting with Applejack had left an impression on Twilight.
“You're ... helpin' this pony ... this ... mare who won't come out in the open about what's goin' on with Sweetie Belle?! Please tell me ya mean ye'r helpin' em stop wantin' t-ta ... fiddle with Sweetie Belle!” Applejack looked about half as shocked as Twilight felt when Fluttershy confessed what happened, but the lavender pony knew that didn't mean it'd be any easier to make her understand. Nothing but the truth could make Applejack understand. Twilight just hoped there were enough honest facts to do the job.
The lavender librarian began to list every reason and counter-reason she'd found that a young filly and mare in their culture might be able to maintain a healthy relationship in spite of the pitfalls. Several minutes later, as she'd begun to expound upon another set of carefully categorized points, Applejack interrupted her.
“—Listen, Sugarc- Ah mean, Princess.” Twilight cringed, but now wasn't the time to correct her friend. “If ya say ye've got a lotta good reasons and ye'r goin' about it carefully ... well ... Ah can believe ya.” Applejack seemed calmer, but her brow still furrowed.
It didn't look to Twilight as though her explanations had been adequate, and her worry increased.
“Just, let me ask ya one thing.”
Twilight nodded. She'd answer anything that didn’t break her promise to Fluttershy.
“After everything's said 'n done, all yer research 'n plans ... how do ya feel deep down,” Applejack placed her hoof to her own chest, “about them bein' together?”
The question caught Twilight a little by surprise. She'd stammered momentarily, and, feeling Applejack's earnest gaze upon her, she'd wished it had been a different question. “Do you mean ...” Twilight struggled to find an angle that might let her answer positively, but she knew exactly what her friend meant to ask. The princess sighed.“I ... I don't know.”
There was an uncomfortable pause as Applejack exhaled and tried to wrap her head around everything. Twilight looked downcast, able only to frown at the ground until, finally, she felt a hoof rest on her shoulder, and she looked back up.
Though Applejack's eyes still showed concern, she no longer seemed upset. “Ah know ya wouldn't do anythin' like this lightly 'n that ye'r mighty intelligent. ... Since ya seem ta be set on helpin', Ah just ... need ta know ye'r listening to yer heart too.” Applejack noted the stress in her friend's features and felt pity. She couldn't help but empathize after what she’d gone through herself during the past week. “Knowin' ye'r tryin ... that's all the reassurance Ah guess Ah can really ask, ‘least fer now.” A small smile formed on Applejack’s face.
Twilight returned her friend’s smile. Being called intelligent by the honest mare was certainly welcome and so was Applejack’s wisdom. The purple pony’s smile quickly faded, however, as she realized she'd been neglecting to do as Applejack advised. Ever since she'd discovered the true nature of Fluttershy's problem, it had been much easier, even necessary, to ignore most of her feelings while she dove into her research. “But you trust me, even though I don't know how to feel?”
Applejack thought quietly to herself for a moment. “Truth be told, Ah’m still mighty uncertain 'bout everythin’, but ... one thing Ah do know is ya have a good heart ... Princess Twilight. If ya just let it be a part a' yer plannin', Ah know ye'll do what's right. 'N honestly, Ah trust ya more because ye'r not sure how ta feel than Ah might if ya were helpin' this mare, already convinced one way or the other.”
Twilight's guilt ebbed, and she threw herself into a hug with the Apple mare. Her smile returned, and her eyes watered. Applejack seemed to neither support nor condemn Twilight’s actions, but, ethics aside, her friend clearly believed in her. What’s more, she’d given her an honest opinion. It came as a relief to Twilight, while she sought to unravel the difficult and dangerous problem before them, not to feel quite so alone.
“Please, just call me Twilight.”
They'd chuckled in each other's embrace.
Twilight looked now at the couple with tired eyes.
Before any of this had begun, Twilight had never bothered to question what most considered the truth about an adult pony being in lust with a foal. If it weren't for their age difference, would any of this be necessary? It was common enough in Equestria for ponies to indulge a fetish or two, Twilight thought, but Fluttershy's sexual preference wasn't some food or clothing-based kink as ponies were most apt to express.
Twilight lit her horn in search of any who might have crossed the boundary.
No response.
It was different, of course, because it meant taking advantage of somepony who, most believed, couldn't understand, who, ponies claimed, couldn't or shouldn’t be prepared for sheer lack of mental development. On the other hoof, Fluttershy herself wasn’t in the easiest of positions. Despite the fact that Fluttershy seemed to enjoy the general fluidity of attraction with which many mares were blessed—be it to either gender—she was cripplingly shy with most acceptable prospects. It didn't excuse doing harm to Sweetie Belle, but it left the offbeat pony in a very difficult situation.
Twilight remembered what Fluttershy had told her during one of their visits. “I've just been ... so tired of being afraid and alone this way.” She’d worn a stony expression. Worse than repression or avoidance, Twilight sensed profound hopelessness and sorrow. She’d grieved with her.
The concerned friend thought back to her first encounter with Fluttershy and wondered, not for the first time, what might have happened if she hadn't brought Spike along. She thought how other ponies must have similar experiences dealing with the shy mare. Maybe one of the pet owners of Ponyville could have eventually broken through to Fluttershy romantically, Twilight speculated. It would certainly take some persistence on the suitor's part, she thought. She remembered how, in her own platonic case, the first impression she'd had of the shy pony was that she’d only been interested in Spike himself.
Spike himself. ... Oh. As Twilight remembered the ease with which the pegasus had addressed her baby dragon from the start, her thoughts turned suddenly to revelations of Fluttershy’s past, accounts that the pegasus had shared, mid consummate shame and remorse, only after diligent prompting and the most tender reassurance Twilight could offer.
“They didn’t judge me.” Fluttershy sniffled. “Even though I felt it was wrong, and ... and I—” she choked back sobs. “I hurt some of them, without meaning to, i-in the heat—in the heat of the moment but—I hurt them—and ...” She shook with emotion, and the wave of her despair crested.
Twilight sat quietly across from Fluttershy. She wanted nothing more than to hug her friend, but sensed by the way she seemed to hide herself that it might not wise. Twilight’s hoof reached out as sobs racked the curled form of the distressed young mare, only to be met with the tormented pony’s sudden recoil, and Twilight’s hoof withdrew.
At a loss for what to do, the purple pony sat still, and the next couple minutes passed, filled with soft painful tears. She could do nothing except be there for her.
Fluttershy’s crying ebbed. “Fluttershy.” Twilight’s voice was pained but attempted to soothe.
Several more seconds passed in silence.
“I’m so sorry, Fluttershy. ... I’m sorry you’ve had to be alone with this.”
“It’s ... alright,” Fluttershy dismissed gently.
“I don’t believe it’s alright.”
“N-no ... It’s ... fine,” the pegasus insisted sadly.
“Why, Fluttershy? How can it be fine that you’ve hurt for so long, and nopony has been there for you?” Twilight agonized.
Fluttershy wouldn’t make eye contact, but looked down at her own tear-soaked hooves. “I ... deserve to be alone.”
Twilight couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “But!” She had to stop herself from calling the notion ridiculous. More softly, she began again. “But you’re the kindest pony I know ... so ... why? ” The last syllable carried with it confusion, concern, incredulity, but mostly her own grief at her friend’s pain.
Fluttershy was silent a moment longer before answering.
“I wasn’t kind when I manipulated them f-for ...” Fluttershy couldn’t bring herself to say it again. “I wasn’t kind when I hurt them and used them, willing or not. I’m lucky to have close friends and be gifted with animals, regardless ... to have ponies and critters in my life who care about me. I’m most grateful for you and Sweetie, Twilight, but I ... It’s far more than I deserve by my own merit. ... I ... think the only way I’ve managed to make it this far is by faith that, despite my crimes, somebody much wiser than me somehow knows I still have potential.” Finally, Fluttershy looked up, and, with unexpected earnestness, locked eyes with Twilight. “That somebody much stronger than all of my challenges and far more kind than I’ve ever been still wants me—is the only reason I’m still alive. Thanks to faith, I’ve never truly been alone, but if I’ve been without a friend’s shoulder to cry on, it’s nothing I’m not wholly responsible for, you see.”
Twilight mulled over Fluttershy’s words only to wind up torn between wanting to validate her friend and the desire to be honest. “I’m sorry. It’s not really clear to me. It looks like, um ... faith has given you hope, but, at the same time, it seems like you’re still in a lot of pain?” Her curiosity was genuine.
Fluttershy nodded. “The purpose,” she clarified, “of faith isn’t to make bad things go away, at least not usually. In my experience, it’s been more to give reason for suffering and strength to grow from trials.”
Though she didn’t fully understand it, Twilight at least found common ground in growth through challenges. She thought Fluttershy’s belief system remarkable for how it had seemed to carry her through adversity, even while the timid pony lacked much in the way of self confidence. Twilight nodded, not wishing to press the matter of her own doubts and uncertainties at such a tender moment, but she couldn’t hide her inner conflict from the pegasus.
“It’s alright.” Fluttershy responded to what she saw in Twilight. “I didn’t understand at first, either. Oh—not that you ... don’t understand. I mean, you’re really smart, and I didn’t mean to say you wouldn’t understand ... at least, that is, if you maybe, um ... well, I’m not very good at explaining it. S-sorry.” Her ears folded back.
“Not at all!” Twilight reassured her. “It sounds like something best learned, maybe, from experience.”
Fluttershy nodded and relaxed.
Twilight pressed on. “So, you said it’s been—how long since you last acted out with one of your animals?” She guessed the term might sit better with the pegasus than had sex , and she was right.
Fluttershy took a steadying breath. “I didn’t say, but ... it’s been, um,” she swallowed, “about four months ... a little before, um ... I took Iron Will’s assertiveness training.”
Twilight nodded and offered Fluttershy her most genuinely understanding smile. “And how often would you say it happens?”
At this there was a long pause, during which Fluttershy’s eyes watered as she fought against her shame once more. “S-sometimes ... sometimes it doesn’t happen as much, and ... other times ... most of the time,” Fluttershy forced out the honest confession, “i-it happens ... daily, um ... sometimes t-two or three times a day w-with ... different animals.”
Though Twilight had carefully prepared herself and reacted with only genuine concern for her friend, the frequency and intensity of Fluttershy’s urges, her compulsiveness, and her deviance in contrast with what she thought she knew about the quiet pegasus’s private life, had surprised her. Shortly after Fluttershy's primary confession to her involvement with Sweetie, the perceptive purple pony guessed that the pegasus may have held a penchant for Spike. Now, however, what Twilight recalled of the shy pony’s past made her realize the likelihood that sex with him hadn’t been a fantasy that developed over time, but, rather, had been on the timid pony’s mind from the day they’d first met.
Twilight paused to reflect again, as she had then, on the fact that, in spite of so much other deviant behavior, Fluttershy had resisted so long in the face of opportunity without ever acting on her fantasy to be with a foal (or other young sapient creature). Perhaps, if Sweetie, like Spike or any other foal, hadn’t reciprocated with such immediate and intense interest in Fluttershy individually, and at such a vulnerable moment, when the young mare’s loneliness seemed so intense, then this whole pot of worms would never have been uncovered.
The lavender caregiver thought, as she had many times lately, of what might have happened if Spike had pursued Fluttershy rather than Rarity. Twilight couldn't be certain how she might handle finding out that her own young charge had been sexually active with one of her best friends.
After a brief check on the boundary, Twilight’s thoughts turned again to the conversation with Applejack.
“Seein' how ye'r the one that little filly sent to talk to me, Ah’m willin’ to take yer word for it, but, uh,” Applejack stopped herself from calling her friend ‘Princess’ again, “Ah still don’t understand. What’s got ya convinced not to just end it all? Ah mean, why even risk givin’ it a chance? Or, if ye’r that set on helpin’, why not finish yer fact gatherin’ before ya let ‘em risk bein’ t’gether?”
Another difficult question, but this one Twilight had an answer for. “I’m not at liberty to discuss my reasons for trusting the mare in question, but, if you knew her, Applejack, well,” Twilight paused, cutting herself short. “Let’s just say I do trust her, and I’ve promised to keep her secret.”
Applejack nodded. True to her word she didn’t pry, though her expression was curious.
“As for why I’ve decided not to wait longer, it’s ... Sweetie Belle. She’s ... I think she might actually need this. I’ve talked with her a lot, and I’ve rarely seen a young filly so passionate about something or somepony else outside of a special talent. Even among young ponies obsessed with their talents, I’ve only occasionally seen so much ... sincere devotion.” Twilight didn’t hide her momentary awe. The filly was so convinced her mate should be Fluttershy. It didn’t exactly fit with what Twilight expected.
Notwithstanding Twilight’s understanding and pity for the couple, as she watched them now, so absorbed and seemingly happy, it still felt off. Twilight herself was torn.
Was the kind pegasus's caress really any more or less virtuous with Sweetie now than it would have been if the filly had passed her first heat cycle? Twilight's research failed to answer her fully, and now, as she'd been inclined to do in the past, Twilight admitted that the quest for knowledge had to expand beyond books. Some things, like Pinkie sense, or Spike's origin, or what the future held, or friendship, simply had to be learned by experience.
Yet some things were better left unexplored, Twilight thought, and at that thought she fought the urge to end the date immediately. If she weren't in such a unique position, such an experiment of love would have been much too dangerous to consider. Of all the ways in which the new princess could have exercised her authority, Twilight never imagined it would be to secretly offer royal protection for her friend's illicit romance. ... And supervision, she added to herself, exasperated, as she watched Sweetie Belle purposely stray to kiss the pegasus's jaw and Fluttershy eye her forehead.
Fluttershy began to move for the filly's small horn, but Twilight wouldn't have that. The lavender pony cleared her throat loudly. It was enough to deter them.
What kept her from wholly interrupting their lurid make out session was the memory of how much she knew Sweetie wanted this sort of intimacy and one phrase Twilight repeated again and again to herself. Just let them have this one.
“You should have seen her face when I told her it might be a year before I’d endorse their petition. She looked ... crushed.” Seeing Twilight's sorrow, Applejack moved to her friend's side and placed her foreleg on her withers. Twilight was glad for the gesture. “I mean, I know young fillies tend to think of things as black and white sometimes, and, as Rarity’s sister, it makes sense she’d be a bit more dramatic, but she's really been fairly levelheaded, in spite of what she might have learned from Rarity, at least, beyond clearly having fallen horn over hooves in love.”
Twilight felt somewhat relieved to finally open up a little.
“It's still much too soon to tell for sure, but she seems genuinely committed to ... her mare. She's thrown herself into studying to prepare for what lies ahead. ... It's almost been difficult to remember she's ... so young,” Twilight nearly said 'too young,' but couldn't pass that judgment, given the gaps in her research and Sweetie’s atypical behavior, “and the way she's relied on me,” vicariously through Fluttershy, the observant pony thought to herself and sighed, “I couldn’t bring myself to betray that kind of trust. Even if I might forbid the mare, I wouldn’t feel right denying Sweetie as long as I can't find any ... verifiable harm in letting them be close ... without s-sex anyway,” she finished. Twilight wished she could say more about Sweetie Belle's disposition, about her home and school life, but, despite the filly's identity being known between them, she felt uncomfortable revealing too much.
Applejack considered how much reading she'd seen Sweetie do next to the fact that the filly had been receiving Twilight's help willingly. “Ah guess that makes sense.” The Apple pony seemed more understanding than Twilight anticipated. “Ah'm a little embarrassed to admit it ... but Ah'm relieved it's not me havin' t' make these decisions. Ah really didn't wanna see the crusaders hate me, but ... givin’ those two the benefit of the doubt ‘n tryin’ to find a way to make it work—” Applejack's brow wrinkled “—whoever this mare is, she an' Sweetie are mighty fortunate t' have yer help. Frankly, Ah’d’ve told Sweetie’s parents if ya hadn’t come t’ me.”
Twilight had wondered from the start what Magnum and Garden Wishes might do if they knew. “I’ve ... considered that, as well.”
Seeing how severely Fluttershy’s mistake with Sweetie Belle tore at her and witnessing how difficult it had been for the meek pony to open up had helped Twilight be more disposed to sympathy despite her crime. In Spike’s case, Twilight thought, however, as his caretaker, she doubted she’d have been able, regardless, to act in the same role she’d taken with Sweetie. Spike might have hated her for it, but she’d have had to put her hoof down as Spike’s immediate family member.
Recognizing this made it that much harder for Twilight to go behind the backs of Sweetie’s own family members, but, she reasoned, if another pony she deeply trusted did the same thing she was doing in Spike’s case, she’d at least consider allowing it. So long as the pony guiding them had the power to protect the couple from serious trouble, and, whoever it was, as Applejack had said, had a good heart, Twilight thought her big-sisterly—somewhat motherly—instincts toward Spike might be satisfied.
Of course, while Twilight might allow it under special circumstances, the thought of personally mediating her own younger sibling’s intimate relationship caused her more than just anxiety and discomfort. She barely stomached the thought of watching her parents making out, much less Spike as he made out with one of her pony friends. There were only a few ponies she felt she trusted to handle such a job in her place, but they certainly existed. She might still prefer to be informed if it were Spike, of course, just as she’d like to inform Sweetie’s family, but that had been out of her hooves from the moment to swore to keep the secret.
Twilight wasn’t at all used to the need to justify herself. It felt too much like rationalizing, a practice with which she’d never been too comfortable. It was so much easier just to follow all the rules, but, every time Twilight thought it was time to call the whole thing off, she remembered so much pain and loneliness in her friend. Pain at feeling alone. Loneliness due to the shame of being so compulsively bound by her urges. Bound because, as Twilight had learned, it had been the only means of distracting herself from the pain of loneliness at home and among her peers. And so it became a vicious cycle.
Sweetie’s need for secrecy shouldn’t be overlooked either, Twilight reminded herself. If the filly would truly have benefited from her family’s involvement, Twilight might try to convince Fluttershy to break the news to them carefully. Based on what case studies had shown and what Sweetie had revealed about her parents, however, Twilight speculated that their general lack of involvement in Sweetie’s life meant that they might ultimately overcompensate. They were loving parents, but, like Rarity, a little self absorbed (though in ways that manifest differently than in their older daughter).
These and other thoughts ran through Twilight’s mind as she paused for what felt to Applejack like a long time. As she was about to call Twilight's name, the princess snapped herself back from her musing. “It would be ... complicated,” was all that Twilight would say, but concern shown through that Applejack understood well enough, and she leaned in to nuzzle the preoccupied purple pony.
“Is there anythin’ at all that Ah can do t’ help?”
Twilight hesitated. “Just ... talking has helped. ... I feel a lot better knowing that ... I’m not in this alone.”
Suddenly Twilight felt a little guilty. Fluttershy had supported her, after all. Did admitting she felt alone, suddenly mean that she was ungrateful? After a moment, she decided no. She was grateful, but there were some burdens Fluttershy couldn’t help Twilight bear after all.
Applejack removed her foreleg from Twilight’s withers, but remained by her side. “Well, Sugarcube—A-ah mean Pr—Ah mean ... oh, you know what Ah mean! ... Ah’m right here for ya, right now, so ... please, talk t’ me.” Applejack smiled tenderly at her friend.
Twilight failed to resist any longer. Who better to confide in than an honest friend and one who knows even better than she does what it’s like to be responsible for a young filly? “Well ... there are some things about Sweetie Belle that have been on my mind, but, if I share them with you, can you promise they’ll stay between us? It's nothing so bad.” Twilight added quickly, “Just that, even though she hasn't asked me to keep it secret, I feel it goes without saying that, as I’ve tried to help her and gotten to know her better, the personal things Sweetie’s shared ought to stay that way, and I don’t want to betray her or her family’s confidence, implicit or otherwise.”
Applejack took a moment to decipher that last part. “So ya want me to keep it a secret?” Twilight nodded somberly, and Applejack responded in kind. “Then ya have my word.”
The purple pony smiled. “Thank you, Applejack.”
She collected her thoughts while Applejack waited expectantly.
“You mentioned Sweetie’s parents, and ... that got me thinking about something I’ve really only begun to fully understand,” the lavender pony began with a hoof on her chin and a thoughtful expression, “that is, why Sweetie would jump so quickly to wanting marriage.”
Applejack looked curious once more and nodded. “Uh-huh.”
“I can only speculate,” Twilight disclaimed, “but my best guess so far is that it has to do with Sweetie’s home life. ... For starters, having come to know Sweetie, and her parents through her, I think I’ve also begun to understand better why Rarity has a knack for drama. You’ve known her longer than I have,” Twilight looked at Applejack, “and, please, correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me that being dramatic might have actually been a way for Rarity to get her parents’ attention growing up.”
Applejack could neither confirm nor deny. “T’ be honest, Ah can’t really say what she ‘n her parent’s were like back then. To this day, Ah’ve only gotten to know ‘em through business, never anythin’ personal.” Applejack thought for a moment. “The only thing that really stands out is that they were younger than most when they had Rarity, Ah guess.”
“I see,” Twilight continued. “Well, in any case, it's just speculation, like I said. I don't want to jump to conclusions. ... It’s just as probable Rarity was inclined toward drama simply because she felt rewarded for it. Um ... her parents might have praised her or simply given her more of what she wanted because of it, in which case, due to their experience with Rarity, they might have come to expect Sweetie to act the same way, and, when she didn’t, or at least, not to the same extent, they incorrectly assumed she didn’t want as much attention as her older sister.”
“Hang on now.” Applejack digested what Twilight was telling her. “Ye’r sayin’ that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, an’ Sweetie Belle’s been too quiet fer her parents ta notice?”
“Precisely,” Twilight held back a giggle, amused by the colloquialism and pleased to be understood. “This fits with something Sweetie said during one of our conversations, that she feels Rarity gets all of their parents’ attention, and, quote, ‘I wish I could be more like her.’” Twilight waited to see what conclusion her friend might draw from this final bit of information.
“Well, now, Ah hadn’t thought about it ‘til now, but, it sounds like yer sayin’, Sweetie admires her sister because she’s got their parents’ attention. Are ya sure about that?”
“Well, actually, no,” Twilight admitted. “I wondered whether the drama of being in a romantic relationship with an adult wasn’t partly the result of some sort of subconscious sibling rivalry, but—”
Twilight snapped back to the present moment, but not for the usual reason. No funny business was going down between Sweetie and Fluttershy. Rather, they'd stopped.
Twilight checked for company briefly before focusing again on the couple. Had they finished? Twilight checked her shadow. The time was coming close for their date to end.
Author's Note
Last revised 2 February 2015
Original Note:
Also, dat season 4 finale!!
(Edit: Oh this chapter didn't turn out so bad after all I guess. Just a few typos. Yay.)
If any errors pop(ped) out at you, I'll be grateful as usual to have your help fixing them. I think I got all of them, but it's easy to miss some. What takes me longest to rectify is my wording, but I think that didn't turn out to need much editing since I've been editing as I go. Suggestions are still welcome of course.
This chapter you might notice the capitalization of the pronoun "Ah." It was experimental. I think I like lower case better personally, but if you feel strongly one way or the other I'd like to hear. It's probably not a big deal either way.
The issues are the meat of this chapter of course. I'd love most to hear your thoughts about exactly that since one of my primary purposes in writing this is to gather information about others' perceptions and share some of my own about the moral, social, psychological, and spiritual issues surrounding what it means to be in a situation like this.
For instance, if Sweetie were a human child in real life, what age range do you think she'd fit into best based on how she's written here physically and mentally. Would her physical and mental ages match? Do you think she'd be ready for the kind of relationship they both seem to want? Why?
I'm constantly trying to answer these and many other questions myself. Hopefully having interested readers' opinions will give me that much more insight.
That night, a soft rapping came from the library front door. Spike was already soundly asleep in bed while Twilight stood at her desk, absorbed in her book by lamp light. Owlowiscious fluttered in front of the studious unicorn, interrupting her, softly hooting for her to answer. “Huh? Oh!” She heard the soft rapping, finally, as it repeated itself. “Thank you, Owlowiscious.”
“Hoo.”
“I honestly don’t know who it could be at this hour, unless ...” Twilight opened the door to find Fluttershy. Despite her hunch being correct, she was surprised to see her. “Oh! Hello, Fluttershy!”
“Hello, Twilight. I’m sorry to bother you so late.”
“It’s no problem! Please, come in.”
Fluttershy stepped inside, and the lamp that Twilight carried more fully illuminated her so that she noticed Fluttershy’s saddle bag.
“I’ve just been finishing Basic Flight Techniques . What can I do for you?” She eyed the saddlebag curiously.
“Well, um ... I hate to impose, but ...” Fluttershy suddenly looked and sounded very tired, “I’m not—I mean, I don’t feel ... safe, right now.”
Twilight understood. “Of course. No worries. I’ll make you a bed.” The word ‘safe’ had gained special meaning between them throughout their talks the past week. Twilight hugged the yellow mare, and they shared a meaningful look. “Thank you ... for coming to me,” Twilight sounded genuinely glad and somewhat relieved.
Fluttershy had expected Twilight wouldn’t be put out by her unannounced arrival, but she hadn’t quite expected the tenderness and warmth with which her friend received her at such a late hour. She blushed a little. “I ... I should be thanking you, instead.”
Twilight’s smile widened in response, and she began to lead the way to her bedroom loft. “You’re more than welcome. It makes me really happy to have you close by when you’re feeling ... at risk. I mean ...” Twilight’s expression suddenly became apologetic, “beside knowing you trust me, I feel a lot better, knowing you’ll come to me to be ... safe ... for everypony’s sake.”
Fluttershy felt very grateful and a little guilty for her friend’s concern on her behalf. “Of course, Twilight. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
They arrived in the loft shortly, and Twilight summoned a small bed, sheets, pillows, and a blanket with a quick magical burst. “The feeling is mutual, actually.” Twilight responded while levitating the sheets and blanket and placing them neatly over the bed.
A moment later Fluttershy replied. “I don’t really understand.”
Twilight turned her full attention to the yellow mare. “Don’t tell me you don’t realize how much you’ve helped me in the past.”
Fluttershy tried to recall times when she’d been of much use to Twilight. There had been moments, most of which she felt she’d simply been doing her duty for Equestria, or fulfilling her role as an animal expert.
“I guess so.” She smiled a little and rested on the bed made for her. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you for this, though, I mean, with everything that’s happened recently.”
Twilight looked back tenderly. “I’d say you already have.” She paused, and her expression became thoughtful. “Your friendship is reward enough by itself, but, just by letting me help you, what you’ve given me that, I think, more than makes up for ... recent events, has been ... purpose.”
“Oh. I see,” Fluttershy replied, uncertain of how to respond.
Neither pony said any more on the matter but, as Twilight finished the last of her book and both donned their pyjamas (not a common occurrence for Fluttershy, but she was a guest after all) and, as they wished each other good night, Fluttershy pondered what Twilight had said.
After the lamps went out, Fluttershy lay awake still.
What animals were for Fluttershy, pony friends were for Twilight. It was hard for Fluttershy to imagine being as comfortable around ponies as she was around animals, but, if Twilight felt the same way about her as a friend as she did about the critters she protected and helped, that was something extraordinary, Fluttershy thought. Twilight had been so sincere, and, while, at first, it seemed unlikely that she could actually be happy that Fluttershy relied on her, took so much from her, as Fluttershy thought about how caring for animals had always brought her happiness, she was moved deeply.
Fluttershy thought of countless nights she’d spent nursing her animal friends to health, about the love she felt, as Twilight seemed to, when one came to her in serious need, and the sense of purpose that those instances brought her. Tears began to flow silently across her cheek and muzzle as she realized that she was undeniably, unquestionably, unconditionally loved by Twilight, just as she knew her animals were loved.
“Twilight.” Fluttershy called softly and sniffled.
Seconds later, a tired but warm voice responded. “Yes, Fluttershy?”
“Can I ... sleep in your bed with you?”
A brief pause followed, and Twilight smiled compassionately in the dark.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Restless though she’d been before, torn with fears and self doubt, Fluttershy slept better that night than she had in years.
Author's Note
Last revised 2 February 2015
Original Note:
Edit (5/19/14): Tweaked the punctuation and some small things. Trying out the correct form/use of ellipses as well, for once. Thanks to Setokaiva for the volunteered proofreading.
The Summer Sun Celebration fast approached, and, as anticipated, Twilight was unable to supervise the time that Fluttershy would have liked to spend with Sweetie Belle. With her own work to do, preparing the bird choir, helping her other friends with their tasks, and taking care of the usual chores, Fluttershy doubted she'd have had the time herself anyway, but she dearly missed visiting the library to read and talk with Sweetie as often as they'd done over the past week. Fortunately, today, they had the better part of that afternoon together—time that each had carefully planned to report and talk with Twilight.
During their precious time together, Fluttershy apologized to Sweetie that they wouldn't be able to see each other much and felt guilty that, despite her private resolution to help the filly endure the difficulties of the restrictions that Twilight had set for their relationship, she couldn’t comfort her as much as she’d have liked.
The pegasus herself pined for the filly, but, thought Fluttershy, at least Sweetie was safe from her. As the small unicorn rested next to her now in their familiar spot at the library, her heart ached to have her to herself. That Sweetie confessed to trust Fluttershy, even in spite of her demons, and wanted the same intimacy she did had only made the longing intensify. Fluttershy took comfort from the fact that her own absence from Sweetie’s life while she was busy meant the risk of harm was mitigated despite how much the filly seemed to suffer at their separation.
Sweetie had been much less occupied than Fluttershy, and, despite a little celebration she’d shared with the Crusaders, she’d felt lonelier than at other intervals between seeing Fluttershy. “Scootaloo and Apple Bloom threw me a surprise party.” Sweetie broke a brief silence between them rather abruptly. Anxiety mixed subtly with the filly’s happy tone and shown behind her smile. Though she'd just forgiven the pegasus (and their royal friend) for being busy, and she was happy to be near Fluttershy and share news of her friends, Sweetie felt desperate to be close to the pegasus again, to have physical confirmation, though she knew it mentally, that what had happened during their date still actually mattered.
It had only been two days since they’d seen each other, but Sweetie felt like their whole first date had come and gone more like a dream than a real life event. She needed to know it had meant as much to her love, the pony she wanted forever, as it had meant to her.
Fluttershy didn’t quite understand it, but she picked up on Sweetie Belle’s need for comfort and wished she could give it to the foal. Intuition spoke clearly to her that the filly wanted to be held, and she ached to do so (as she always did if she ever thought about it). With the library as busy as it was, the best she could do was offer a concerned smile and attempt to dwell on the positive.
“That’s wonderful Sweethea- rmm ... Sweetie!” Returning again to hushed voices and discreet wording after the relative privacy of their date brought with it added frustration.
Before Fluttershy could ask what the party had been for, the filly nodded, eager to continue. “Apple Bloom did the decorations, and Scootaloo did the refreshments. It actually turned out really nice,” Sweetie reported as though it should be a surprise. “Maybe we’ll have to try being party planners ... um ... if you think Pinkie wouldn’t mind, of course.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I don’t think she would. She’d probably enjoy having more party ponies around, but—sorry—why exactly did they throw you a surprise party?”
“Oh!” Sweetie realized she’d gotten ahead of herself. “Well, I met with the Crusaders and told them about our ... time together the other day,” Sweetie’s voice was a whisper, “and, since they weren’t really able to be there beforehoof, like gal-pals would be normally, they wanted to make it up to me.”
“Oh! I see.” Fluttershy listened intently, waiting for her to continue. Sweetie seemed pleased to have her full attention, almost like she had at the picnic. She relaxed slightly, though her natural exuberance persisted in the brightness of her smile.
“Mhmm! I kept the party hat and told Rarity it was to celebrate the end of school.” The little filly sighed. “I wish we didn’t have to wait so long until our next ... um ... activity together.”
Fluttershy smiled sympathetically. “I know. ... Me too.” Fluttershy paused. “What have you been up to in the meantime? Or what do you think you’ll do while we’re ... apart?”
“Well,” Sweetie thought for a moment, “Rarity has been letting me take care of some of the house chores while she gets her orders and the decorations ready for the Summer Sun Celebration, and, of course, there’s always crusading.”
A thought occurred to the pegasus. “I’ve been meaning to lend Rarity a hoof with the decorations,” Fluttershy contemplated. “Maybe I could meet you both and ...” Fluttershy thought carefully about whether it would be a good idea for the three to mix company. “I guess I might be able to take turns helping each of you if—” she thought again “—if Twilight thinks it would be alright. What do you think?”
Sweetie looked ecstatic for a split second before catching up with what Fluttershy had been thinking. Her sister’s presence would certainly affect things. “It sounds a little scary with Rarity there, but I still really want to see you.”
“I know how you feel. Maybe we’d better wait—”
“No! Um, I mean,” Sweetie lowered her voice back down to the usual half-whisper, “it would be worth it—totally worth it,” Sweetie amended, “to see you again, even just a little between helping Rarity.” Fluttershy didn’t have to hear what she’d sensed so intensely from the filly’s manner, eyes, and her tone to know it, but the filly spoke it regardless. “I’ve missed you.” Her voice trembled, insecure, pleading.
“I ...” Fluttershy resisted the painfully strong urge to give the filly everything she wanted. Looking around quickly, she saw nopony near enough to overhear them. “I’ve missed you too, Sweetheart.” She leaned toward the small filly, speaking her pet name in a softer whisper. “Let’s ask Twilight then, but, of course, it might be too dangerous, so ... let’s also not get our hopes up too high. Okay?”
Sweetie nodded despite the knot in her stomach that made her want her to protest. The possibility of not seeing Fluttershy again soon unsettled her. “I’ll do whatever you want, Fluttershy.”
If she hadn’t been trying to comfort the foal, Fluttershy might have giggled at the innocent statement. She took a moment to extinguish her sudden fantasies before responding. She wanted Sweetie to follow her, but couldn’t afford to let her own desire get the better of her now. “It makes me really happy that you say that.” Fluttershy took a calming breath and refocused on Sweetie Belle. The little unicorn looked sadly at the floor. “You know what we should do?”
Sweetie looked up at the question. “Mm-mm. What?”
“I’m thinking that ...” the idea refined itself in Fluttershy’s mind, “we need to write to each other, but we need to do it secretly, somehow.” Fluttershy contemplated. “Would you like that?”
Sweetie Belle thought for a moment before a little smile appeared on her snout, and she nodded.
“Good. Me too.” In the light of Fluttershy’s answering smile, Sweetie’s worries started to fade. “Do you have any idea how we can write without our letters being read by anypony else?” Fluttershy asked more out of curiosity about what the filly might suggest and to distract her from her grief than for the actual need of an idea.
The two fell silent momentarily and Fluttershy watched as the foal mulled over possible solutions. “What about invisible ink that appears with some secret? Like, um ... I heard about some that shows up when you hold it up to light or over a candle.”
“Oh! I think I might remember a way to make that. I mean, I’ll have to test it, but maybe that will be possible!” Fluttershy chuckled briefly. “I used to write with secret ink all the time as a filly.”
“Really?” Sweetie’s curiosity was piqued, and her tone suddenly became suggestive. “What did you wriiite?” Sweetie drew out the last word, making her suspicions plain.
The yellow pegasus’s cheeks turned a light pink. “I, um ... well, sometimes, journal entries and ...” she couldn’t think of any reason to hide it from Sweetie, but she whispered it to be safe, “fantasies ... that I didn’t want mom and dad to see.”
Sweetie stifled a giggle. “I’d like to hear them some time,” Sweetie responded in her own equally soft whisper.
The silk in the little filly’s whisper and her suddenly half-lidded gaze sent the young pegasus mare spinning. After enjoying the ride for a moment, she shook her head. Her face slightly red now, Fluttershy swallowed. “I-I ... Uhm, sure. ... Maybe,” Fluttershy added, almost certain it wouldn’t be allowed any time soon, but tempted, regardless. She reminded herself that Twilight was depending on her to act responsibly. Sweetie needed her to be responsible as well, whether she liked it or not. The ache she’d felt so intensely last night began to resurface.
Sweetie noticed the discomfort on her fillyfriend’s features, and the grin she wore quickly faded. “Are you alright, Flutters?”
“I’ll be ...” Fluttershy was silent for a long moment. “Not exactly, no. ... I’m sorry, Sweetie.”
“What’s wrong?”
Fluttershy sighed and checked that nopony was nearby. “I’ll explain later, Sweetheart. Please don’t worry. It’s nothing too bad. ... Let’s talk some more about how we’ll write to each other, but ... not about f-fantasies, okay?”
“Oh.” The filly understood she must have made a mistake to bring it up. “Sorry, Fluttershy. I didn’t—”
“It’s not your fault, Love,” Fluttershy interrupted, her tone soft but earnest. She used the more intimate title in hopes that Sweetie might understand she truly didn’t blame her, but also because she'd been moved by the filly’s tender concern.
New to her, the name caught Sweetie Belle by surprise. Her worry vanished, and she blushed. “Okay,” Sweetie conceded.
“Thank you for being patient with me, Sweetheart.” Fluttershy smiled adoringly at the filly, and Sweetie couldn’t help but smile back.
“It’s nothing.” The filly shook her head.
Fluttershy disagreed. It mattered a great deal, but she didn’t press the matter. “About your invisible ink idea ...” Fluttershy picked up where their conversation left off.
The two discussed and refined their method of covert communication at length until they came to a solid mutual understanding, and the topic evolved into what they might write about. It shifted again to what each expected of the Summer Sun Celebration. By the time they’d talked about how they would miss Twilight while she attended in Canterlot and speculated that it should be quite a bit more relaxed than the year Nightmare Moon appeared, the hour had finally come for their meetings, and Twilight herself approached them.
“Would you mind if we spoke again first today, Fluttershy?” The purple mare courteously offered each session, in case the pair had a preference, though they never expressed any.
“Of course not, Twilight.”
Sweetie was left to bury her muzzle in a book of her own choosing, this time about flowers.
In the loft, the two friends made themselves comfortable.
“How have you been, Fluttershy?” Though she asked it almost every time they met like this, there was an extra note of concern in Twilight’s tone, her expression more tender than usual.
Feeling relief at being in the comfortable, familiar space, without the need to watch herself constantly, Fluttershy sighed. “Better. ... At least, a little, but ... not much, I’m afraid.”
Twilight nodded and waited for the pegasus to continue. It felt better, usually, to let the quiet mare go at her own pace than to prompt her. It was the mark of their bond’s strength that they each felt comfortable enough to let the silence settle between them sometimes.
Fluttershy took advantage of the peace and calm to tune herself in to what she’d been suppressing, trying to ignore, since she’d left her cottage to meet Sweetie. “If I dwell on them, the urges become overwhelming, as usual, but, with trying to be fully abstinent ... and ...” Fluttershy felt a tingling in her spine, “with the time I’ve spent with Sweetie recently, I think, it’s been harder than usual. ... At the same time, I’ve had her to fill the loneliness and ... just the thought of being together, I mean, together forever, married ... makes the harder parts of the day pass quickly.”
Twilight’s ears perked. Fluttershy’s daily trials weren’t by any means news to Twilight, but they’d only spoken about them briefly a couple of times. She took the opportunity to find out more. “What parts of your days have you found most difficult lately?”
“Well ...” Fluttershy thought back through recent trials, “it’s unavoidable, of course, but seeing animal friends pass away often gets to me, or, I should say, seeing them and their families suffer does. I feel like death itself isn’t so bad, but I wish I could do more to comfort them. The Raccoon family lost their papa this week to distemper. It’s so sad because,” her eyes watered, but she remained strong, “I couldn’t let them stay very close to him for long or they might have been infected too. In the end he barely recognized me or Mrs. Raccoon.”
She released the memory with a sigh before searching for other examples. “Sometimes, a long time friend who feels more like family will become ill, and I’ll feel anxious. I worry about losing them too. Harry’s neck hasn’t improved much despite what I can do. I think it might be arthritis. Other times it’s just small things, like making sure Angel Bunny is happy, or keeping to a tight feeding schedule to help the litters grow, or tidying up the warrens and dens.
“Thinking about ... holding Sweetie or making her smile ... being happy together, even though life demands a lot ... taking the time aside to build a bond that really matters, and, also, um ... the relief that comes with sex,” she added timidly, “all give me hope that it will really be worth it.”
Twilight swallowed a little emotion. “I ... understand where you’re coming from.” The young royal couldn’t help but sympathize, but before she could dwell at all on what it might be like to have a pony to hold and be held by, Twilight Sparkle focused her thoughts again on Fluttershy. “Before your relationship with Sweetie changed, what did you do to manage during the hard times?”
“Mm, well,” Fluttershy gave a timid chuckle, this sort of question always seemed difficult to answer, despite how she trusted Twilight, “you might guess, and you’d be right, um ... I’d usually take a moment alone and ... soothe myself.” A small frown replaced the nervous grin.
Twilight had guessed, but hoped to find more. She nodded. “Is there anything else ... beside sexual release?”
Fluttershy thought briefly. “It helps when I can get away with you and the other girls ... and ... I guess, reading, but a lot of what I read, well ... you know, it’s sort of sappy romance.” She didn’t want to admit it but forced the confession anyway. “Sometimes those stories just turn into m—masturbation, but,” she added quickly, “sometimes they get me through the day with mostly sober thoughts.”
Twilight made a mental note of her friend’s discomfort. “When you feel like you need a release, what happens—that is—how do you feel if you just ... don’t?”
The thought of it made Fluttershy chill. Her answer came out weakly. “Trapped ... panicked.” She didn’t feel she had it in her to elaborate.
“By what?” Twilight pressed.
“By ... me, I guess. By my own weakness.”
A pause gave both ponies a moment to digest the thought, and a realization struck Fluttershy.
“I guess that being with Sweetie hasn’t made me any safer, but, at the same time, it’s made me stronger. It’s given me a real reason to become strong—to face myself, I mean—even when I’m very frightened about how aroused she makes me and what I might do, because I care for her and don’t want to hurt her. And, also, with little things—like when I have a hard time handling a busy schedule, and I think about how much I need something to comfort me, because I’m just no good at sticking to a schedule sometimes—I feel determined not to let it lead to ... acting like I did at my cottage, the time I asked Sweetie t-to ... cross that boundary, you know, that turned out to be a big mistake.”
Fluttershy gave another sigh. “It’s—instead of panic now—with the love I have from Sweetie to stop me from following my more primal urges, I just feel a really intense ... sorrow, I think, instead ... still for the same reason I felt panicked before. ... The trapped part, I guess, feels the same, except that I can accept being trapped by anything, if it’s for her sake. At least, I hope I’m that brave.”
Twilight felt a light blush at the sentiment. “That’s really ... noble, Fluttershy.” Her tone was almost even, unsurprised by the friend she already knew to be so magnanimous, but still impressed.
Fluttershy blushed in turn. “I ... guess so.” Fluttershy felt truly grateful to have a friend who believed in her. “I owe a lot to you, though, Twilight.” It felt like the right time to bring up the inevitable topic, Fluttershy thought. “If you hadn’t been there for me last night, I—” she suppressed a shudder “—I don’t know what would have happened.”
Twilight responded with the same sympathetic smile she’d given Fluttershy at the beginning of their conversation. “It was really my pleasure, like I told you.”
Fluttershy smiled and, remembering how much she knew Twilight cared, her eyes glistened. “Yes. I know. ... It’s just more reason for me to be grateful.”
Twilight’s kind smile grew, and it shown brightly in her eyes. “You don’t mind talking about it now, I suppose?”
Fluttershy shook her head.
“Thank you, again, for visiting last night, and, um ... staying with me when you needed help.” Twilight was genuinely glad, but a little anxious that agreeing to share her bed might have crossed a line. It had felt like the motherly thing to do at the time.
“Again, it’s you I should thank, but we’ve been over that already.” Fluttershy couldn’t help but smile briefly, but became serious again just as quickly. “It meant a lot to me, what you said about purpose last night. I hadn’t thought that you might feel the same way about your pony friends ... about me—or even stronger,” she admitted “—as I do about my animal friends. I think,” Fluttershy paused to contemplate how she’d felt last night, “I have a hard time knowing I’m loved and cared about, even though I know it ... you know?”
Twilight's smile was understanding. “I think I understand, yes, and, I think you know it already, but I really meant what I said last night. I’m glad to hear you’ve been focusing on your self-awareness like we talked about. That’s a great insight,” Twilight encouraged. “What does feeling ... unloved lead to? How do you deal with it?”
There was silence as Fluttershy pondered. “I think, well, ... it makes me want to escape from what I’m feeling, and then ... if I don’t have some other distraction, the only thing strong enough to let me forget about ... about feeling worthless or dumb is usually something to do with sex.”
Twilight felt pangs at the sorrow on Fluttershy’s features. “Is ... that what happened last night? I mean ... could you tell me what happened?”
Fluttershy breathed deep, preparing herself to relive what had triggered her. She nodded. “The date with Sweetie,” she started then paused, “was wonderful.” Her tone contrasted somberly with the statement, and she looked down momentarily. “First,” the pegasus interrupted herself, “I hope you’ll accept my apology.” Fluttershy looked anxiously up at Twilight. The princess’s expression was deliberately neutral but for the slightest hint of how a parent might look at a child who confessed to having spilled juice on the living room carpet. As soon as Fluttershy mentioned the picnic, Twilight knew exactly what was coming.
“We got so carried away, and I ... I took advantage of your kindness as our chaperone. I should have stopped our kissing altogether after your first or second or third warning, but I just kept on going. I—It’s no excuse, but I was just so caught up.” Fluttershy let herself drift back to the memory with a far off look in her eyes. “It was just so ... wonderful!” This time it sounded like she meant it. “I mean, um,” the mare snapped herself back, “I said that already. Sorry. ... And I really am sorry I wasn’t more responsible yesterday at the picnic.”
Twilight smiled sardonically at first, but quickly became understanding as she forgave Fluttershy. “There’s no need to apologize for repeating yourself. And, for what happened at the picnic, I forgive you,” Twilight stated frankly and sincerely and said no more, but waited silently, still smiling, for Fluttershy to continue.
Fluttershy felt her burden ease slightly, knowing that Twilight wasn’t angry. “Thank you, Twilight. Well, during the picnic, while we were kissing, I got really ... worked up.” Fluttershy blushed. “It—the urge—was so intense, that I wanted to invite Sweetie to meet me last night. I ...” She looked remorsefully up at Twilight. “I started to seriously plan it out, until I finally realized how deep I was getting into—what would happen if I followed through, I mean.”
Fluttershy sighed, a bit relieved just to be past the confession. “I decided, shortly after the date finished, that I’d pack a saddlebag, just in case I had trouble later, and I did. I just ...” Fluttershy felt tired at the mere memory of the strain the temptation had placed on her. “I felt bad about wanting to break the rules, about how I could have hurt both you and Sweetie ... and myself, but ...” Fluttershy paused, waiting for the ache to pass. “I felt lonely, and ...” she hesitated.
Fluttershy didn’t finish.
She thought about her growing impatience with Twilight’s research schedule. It was selfish enough, she thought, to have put the purple pony through so much trouble already and to continue to do so under present circumstances. Even if she could bring herself to ignore how selfish it would be to ask Twilight to research faster, despite how desperately Fluttershy wanted what Twilight was working so hard to give her, she remembered what she’d felt near the end of the picnic. In the end, all of it was wrong, a twisted manipulation of her best friend and the foal she was supposed to ‘love.’ Yet she let it continue.
“And?” Twilight prompted.
“... f-frustrated, I guess.” Fluttershy avoided eye contact.
“Frustrated, why?” Twilight pried, genuinely curious.
“I guess ... with myself,” she dodged, not wanting to admit that it extended beyond just herself, to the long wait ahead, to not having an answer already.
Twilight waited for more, but more didn’t come.
“Do you ... feel comfortable elaborating?” Twilight asked, patiently.
To tell the whole truth, to discuss, not only her frustration, but her growing disbelief that the relationship with Sweetie Belle could ever really be healthy, Fluttershy feared, would put what little hope there was of ending up with the beloved foal in jeopardy. Though it left Fluttershy deeply unsettled to admit it to herself, she wanted Sweetie enough to take her, still, even if it was wrong. Her conscience and Twilight’s friendship had kept her from doing so thus far, but, as the former grew dim, Fluttershy relied ever more on her desire not to lose Twilight’s trust in order to keep from acting on her lust.
Despite how important their friendship was to Fluttershy, if her pattern of selfishness continued, she guessed she knew what would happen, and, as the realization struck her, she fought with herself for the hundred-thousandth time.
...
A minute passed slowly.
“Twilight,” finally, Fluttershy responded.
The purple pony’s name carried strain and fatigue. Twilight’s concern intensified. “What is it, Fluttershy?”
“... This might sound like—” she paused mid-way just to breath, the unrelenting battle within still pulling at her painfully “—an odd question to ask now, but ... why are you helping me?”
Twilight paused to contemplate, not at what her answer should be, but why Fluttershy might ask. “Well,” she answered, “I guess ... foremost, because I care about you,” Twilight thought Fluttershy knew this much already, “but also ... I feel like it’s the right thing to do.”
Fluttershy’s brow furrowed suddenly at her own hooves, moisture gathering at the corners of her eyes, a tacit mixture of anger and regret. As Fluttershy looked up, Twilight was surprised to see the expression directed at her. Fluttershy’s breath caught subtly, hating to be seen this way, but her expression didn’t change.
“Really?” she asked, almost scoffed, her tone uncharacteristically sharp.
Twilight swallowed part of the sudden intimidation she felt at the pegasus’s gaze.
“Y—yes. Really. ... W—”
“Because, it doesn’t seem that way, Twilight.” Fluttershy’s breathing was shallow, uneven. “If this were the right thing to do,” she paused to breathe, tried and failed to swallowed back tears, “would we be hiding what’s been happening between me and Sweetie Belle? If this were the right thing to do,” she clenched her eyes and teeth for a moment before looking back again with torment across her face, “wouldn’t the answer to me and Sweetie Belle be more obvious? If I were a good pony,” tears ran in streams now from Fluttershy’s eyes, “... then wouldn’t I—be able to control myself?”
The pegasus covered her face and broke down into quiet sobs.
As the shock of Fluttershy's outburst wore off, Twilight’s lower lip trembled, and she wept silently with her. Setting all caution aside, Twilight’s horn lit, and, with a pop and a flash, the lavender pony instantly pressed herself firmly but gently against Fluttershy, wrapping her forelegs around the yellow pony in a side embrace.
Fluttershy shrank and trembled. She coiled and pushed against Twilight, trying to get her to leave her alone, but, as she did, Twilight’s grip only tightened. Again, harder, Fluttershy pushed and struggled, but the little alicorn wouldn’t yield. Fluttershy shook, readying to fight with everything she had. How dare she? thought the pegasus. How dare she even pretend to love a monster like me?! What right had a pony as perfect as Twilight to deny her self-loathing?!
At the last moment, rather than fight, Fluttershy relented, and, with all the intensity she’d have used to escape, instead, Fluttershy bawled like a filly, angry and sorry and tired and full of pain. Twilight ground her teeth to keep from sobbing aloud, and, holding her still, she rested her head against the wailing pony’s shoulder.
The land of Equestria felt sympathy for all of its inhabitants, big and small, old and young, good and evil. Deep in the heart of the land, a magical barrier held tenuously. Long had it protected its core against a plundering threat, persisting past its limit on the hopes and good feelings of the nearby inhabitants. Most especially, since they’d become connected, the hearts of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony had brought with them the strengths and weaknesses inherent in them to the magic of the land and of the barrier itself.
As despair struck the heart of one, the ancient barrier faded, flickered, and vanished. Though hope might light again, the barrier would not. Black choking vines sprouted around the Tree of Harmony.
Fluttershy hiccuped. It had been a good long cry—one she’d needed. Finally, she lifted a hoof to Twilight’s side, and, meekly, she hugged the lavender mare in return. More tears came, but the worst had passed. Slowly, both ponies relaxed, their breathing gradually coming back to normal.
Fluttershy let go, and, finally, so did Twilight. The two looked at each other, strands of mane out of place, cheeks stained, eyes red, and each had the same thought. In unison, they spoke it. “I must look awful.” They laughed, each made aware by the other’s gaze and comment that they, in fact, did look kind of awful. Tissues and some light brushing later, Twilight and Fluttershy sat side by side still, in Twilight’s shielded loft.
“I’m really ... really sorry, Fluttershy,” Twilight began with a frown. “I knew what was happening at the picnic didn’t feel right after the two of you started to ... cross certain boundaries, and, while you were responsible as well, I was put into a position of trust to protect you both from more than just, well ... going all the way before you were both ready. I wasn’t sensitive to how being intimate in other ways could affect you, nor, I’m afraid, to how it might have led Sweetie to believe that toying with arousal is alright.”
Fluttershy’s lower lip jutted subtly at her friend’s confession. It was her fault for putting Twilight in such a difficult position in the first place and for leading Sweetie Belle to that arousal. Before she could interject, Twilight continued.
“I was going to take today as an opportunity to talk with each of you about this.” Twilight let out a short sigh, disappointed that, for all of her worry, she hadn’t intervened during the date. As an afterthought, she looked outside at the shadows to see it was later than she’d planned already. She breathed deeply once and relaxed. It couldn’t be helped. What had happened had happened.
“Twi—” Fluttershy started.
“But now I see,” Twilight interrupted, determined to make a full apology, “that I should have taken action much sooner and saved us all the heartache.” Twilight looked at the friend she’d failed to protect, with regret. “Can you forgive me?”
“Twilight, I never blamed you. Well,” Fluttershy caught herself. “... I guess I ... did, a little, honestly, but,” she added quickly, “I always knew it wasn’t right for me to expect you to have to watch over me so closely. I’m sorry again, Twilight, and I don’t blame you now, not even a little.”
Fluttershy nuzzled Twilight soothingly, and Twilight responded in kind.
“I guess, on the bright side,” Twilight said smiling, “we know better now.”
Fluttershy pulled away and sighed forlornly. “Yes,” about the kissing, but ... , thought Fluttershy, “but, Twilight, how do you know that letting me and Sweetie see each other at all is the right thing, while you’re still looking for a definite answer?” Fluttershy asked earnestly.
Twilight wore a look of confusion at the question.
“Don’t you, um ... want quality time with Sweetie?”
“Of course! I mean, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but ... I’m just ... really afraid, Twilight.”
Twilight felt she could relate. “Why exactly are you afraid?” she asked.
“Because, what if ... what if you don’t find an answer, or what if the answer is that we have to wait years longer? I believe you’re really trying your hardest, and I already feel sorry that I’ve put you through so much, but to have Sweetie Belle so near while I’m ... like this ...” Shame spread itself across the gentle pony’s features as she thought of her compulsiveness and countless selfish things she’d done. “I wouldn’t admit it in front of her, but, I’m afraid, I’ll be even more impatient than Sweetie ... to the point of wanting, even,” she cringed inwardly, “planning to hurt her—each of us.”
This use of ‘hurt’ always made Fluttershy cringe. She accepted that her compulsions would cause harm, but, she wanted to believe, it was more the stigma than the actions themselves that would be directly responsible for pain or injury. It always felt terribly wrong to equate what she thought of as lovemaking, tender and caring in her fantasies, to hurting. She had accepted the term, regardless, as acknowledgement of the very harmful social consequences of what she wanted, however unfair she often felt they were.
Twilight made a careful mental note of the yellow pony’s anxiety. “Well,” she thought aloud in response, recalling the similar discussion she’d had with Applejack, “I guess ... I mean, I really believe that, if we’re careful enough, then there’s nothing to fear, but, as far as it being right or wrong ...” Twilight bit her lip, hoping, but not sure, her answer might ease the mare’s moral burden. (Leave it to the mare who’d challenged her preconceptions to also challenge her re-conception of the issue, not that Twilight minded.) In light of the fact that Fluttershy already knew much of her research, she guessed a big-picture approach was what Fluttershy needed to help her understand. “I guess I judge for myself based on how it affects the strength and quality of our friendships, like ... how its influence helps us get along or not, the amount of mutual respect and altruism it inspires among us, how well-connected we feel because of it ... and so on,” she stopped herself. “Does that answer your question?”
Fluttershy mulled over what Twilight had said.
“I think ... you’re saying, if it’s right, then it will bring us all closer together in the end?”
“Precisely!” Twilight beamed.
Fluttershy considered the standard. “That’s really ... beautiful, Twilight.” Fluttershy was sincere, “but, where exactly does that leave us with ... what’s happening?”
“Well, do you feel like the bond you and Sweetie and I share has grown any stronger?”
Fluttershy needed no time to think about it. “Undoubtedly,” Fluttershy stated, almost emphatically.
“But you’re still not certain whether your relationship with her is ... good. Is that right?”
Fluttershy looked down at her hooves. “Maybe ... maybe it is good ... or would be, but,” Fluttershy felt the searing hot truth behind her thought before she spoke it, “I'm ... a sick pony.” Wrong. Bad. Poison. “Like I said, I'm afraid of hurting her—us. That would drive us apart ... and then there's Rarity and Sweetie's parents. Keeping a secret like this, even though I'm terrified of telling them, it feels like ... it is betrayal. Isn't it?” Fluttershy wished desperately for reassurance, but she dared not hope.
Twilight was silent. Several moments passed as she thought about just how much more careful they'd need to be and why she'd chosen not to encourage Fluttershy to tell Rarity. She thought of how it might impact Sweetie Belle, her family, Fluttershy, her own royal status, each of their friends.
“I—” Twilight began, then stopped. “If it is betrayal, then what would you propose we do?”
Fluttershy took a moment to square herself against the fears she knew she had to face. Breathing deeply first, she answered. “I might need to be ready and find a way to call off the relationship, doing as little harm to Sweetie as I can, but, at the very least, either way, I'd need, somehow, to ... tell Rarity.”
Twilight suddenly felt afraid, but nodded. If it really were disloyal to have kept the secret, then she too was to blame, promise to Fluttershy or no promise. “And what if it's not a betrayal to keep your relationship secret?”
“Well, then ... I guess nothing would need to change, but, Twilight,” Fluttershy held the winged unicorn's concerned gaze with her own, “is it a risk worth taking?”
“Maybe not,” Twilight dodged, “but would telling Sweetie's family, if she wants it kept secret, be loyal to her? ”
Did Fluttershy think of Sweetie Belle as her own pony or did she think of her as belonging to her family? This, thought Twilight, was crucial.
“I—” the question caught Fluttershy by surprise. “I guess it wouldn't be loyal, no, unless ... well, maybe she ... I mean, maybe it's the right thing for her, and she might not know it,” to be protected from me, to have ponies who care about her at least be aware, she thought, ponies who, by all rights, should be closer to her than Twilight and Applejack, she later amended.
Twilight took a moment to breathe, realizing she'd been holding her breath. “Even so,” Twilight paused and lowered her tone to stress the seriousness of her question, “do you feel we have the right to decide that for her?”
Fluttershy appeared frozen for a minute except for her eyes which shifted about, straining in search of the right answer. While the pegasus didn't understand everything that Twilight's research had revealed so far, one thing she had understood clearly, even before her confession of love to Sweetie, was the question of a foal's ability to choose.
If the answer to Twilight's question were yes , then Sweetie had no right to privacy, and, by extension, without permission from those responsible for her, she couldn't be eligible for any aspect of romance that required privacy. Somepony, especially Twilight, as a crowned princess, might be able to challenge the authority of Sweetie's family. But, thought Fluttershy, unless Equestrian law or Twilight would oppress them and all other families, the one who challenged their authority might only rightly do so if the foal's parents (and other adult family members) were unfit. There were very few less-heartbreaking alternatives. In any case, taking away the parents' rights to protect their foal behind their backs would be difficult to see as anything but completely dishonorable.
If, on the other hoof, the answer were no , then where, for pony's sake, did foalhood end and marehood begin, for Sweetie or for any young pony? Surely, Pound and Pumpkin had no way of knowing right from wrong or what might lead them to happiness versus heartache down the road. This was precisely why the law was what it was, and, whether or not it erred on the side of being too cautious, it was good to be in place, thought Fluttershy.
If Sweetie wished for sexual intimacy with an adult, the only ethical way it could be granted, it seemed, was through another adult, not including Fluttershy, or, with Twilight's royal protection against most legal consequences, by claiming that Sweetie really was capable of choosing sex with adequate foresight, despite her age. It didn't help the matter in the slightest that adult ponies, even ones in their sunset years, were seen making errors in judgment about sexual partners all the time. Were the law to prevent every mistake, nopony would be free to live and grow as they choose. Fluttershy and Twilight both wished they knew the answer to the critical question: When would she be ready, or was she already there?
Fluttershy swallowed.
“In Sweetie's case ...” Fluttershy decided finally, “no. I don't think we, or at least we shouldn't have the right.” She hoped to her higher power she wasn't wrong.
Twilight let out a relieved sigh.
“So, can I assume we're on the same page now?”
Fluttershy slowly began to nod. “Yes. I think so, ... that is,” she added, “I mean, if we both agree that encouraging her to tell Rarity, and maybe her parents, is the right thing to do, and, of course, supporting her as she makes that decision on her own.”
Ironically, Fluttershy seemed the braver of the two. Twilight nodded, fretting what might soon happen. A moment of silence passed as the gravity of it settled between them. The lavender princess looked from where she'd been staring, across the room to Fluttershy with worry. “Are you sure you're ready?” Though the question was aimed at Fluttershy, Twilight felt it strike her.
“I have to be.” The pegasus's eyes were soft and kind as usual, but they held their focus steady. The tone of her voice was perfectly even, peaceful yet determined. “I am ready, finally.”
She looked closely at Twilight who, all of a sudden, seemed to have shrunk. “Twilight? Are you alright?”
Twilight looked down and back once uncertainly. “I ... I think so, yes, or I will be. ... Fluttershy,” she looked unsteadily at the pegasus.
“Yes?” Fluttershy leaned into her friend, offering her support and comfort, at which Twilight smiled meekly and rested against the soft pegasus.
“Thanks for being so brave,” Twilight said, genuinely grateful.
A moment passed.
“The feeling is mutual,” Fluttershy responded.
The two sighed in unison then, after a moment, chuckled lightly at themselves.
As she realized the time, Fluttershy thought to mention Sweetie and her hopes to see each other at the boutique while she helped Rarity, as well as the concern she felt about whether Rarity might suspect anything.
“I can see why you might be worried about that, and, with the possibility that Rarity may soon be aware of what's happening, Sweetie—you both, I guess—might find it difficult to keep your nerve.” Twilight contemplated for a moment. “Thank you for telling me. I think this will be something the three of us should discuss together. We're not short on time yet, but, since it's later than I expected, let's not worry about it right now. I think I'll meet with her first, and then we'll discuss it a bit later,” Twilight decided.
“Alright.” Fluttershy smiled warmly at her trusted friend and leader.
The two shared a hug before descending from the library's loft together.
Author's Note
Last revised 3 February 2015
Original Note:
Oh yeah.. I'm (still) trying out the proper formatting for ellipses (not counting this note
To readers who finished the former Chapter 12 before 4 February 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised first part of the old Chapter 12 (now chapters 16 and 17). It is not new to the story.
“... ten trots tall! Can you believe that?!” Sweetie enthusiastically recounted some of her favorite parts from the library’s illustrated copy of Fascinating Flower Facts for Foals .
Twilight could believe it, but mostly just because she’d read most of the books in Golden Oaks library. The one in which Sweetie was currently engrossed had been one of her favorites from the foal’s literature section. Now, as she listened and shared in Sweetie's excitement, Twilight once again appreciated the filly’s thirst for knowledge, and Sweetie felt special for having the princess’s complete and undivided attention.
Smiling widely, Twilight nodded. “Isn’t nature fascinating!?” She reminded herself distinctly of Fluttershy.
“Uh-huh! Of course, Fluttershy probably already knows everything. I have a long way to go before I catch up to her.” Sweetie smiled and blushed, proud to think she had some claim on the extraordinary, talented mare.
“I imagine you could be a big help to her, if you keep on studying!” Twilight encouraged.
The little unicorn squeed happily at the thought. “I really hope so,” she admitted.
“Have you thought what you might do if your special talent is something that keeps you apart much?”
Sweetie’s lips pursed thoughtfully for several moments.
“No. Not really. ... I’m hoping I’ll get a cutie mark that lets me spend more time with her, but, if I find a special talent that means spending less time with her, well ... maybe I’ll just work extra hard to find a way to let us work together, you know? Mom and Dad have really different talents, but they take turns helping each other and seem really happy.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Twilight affirmed.
The purple unicorn continued to inquire about how Sweetie had seen her parents spend time together. Overall, it seemed theirs was a happy marriage, as far as Sweetie told it. Her parents had the occasional argument, usually about household chores, but nothing that bothered Sweetie too much. Despite the harmony they’d found together, Magnum and Garden Wishes (‘Hondo’ and ‘Cookie’ by nickname, Twilight had learned) did sometimes seem to have trouble finding time to spend together. It was little wonder they had trouble paying much attention to Sweetie on top of that. That Sweetie would think to model her parents, if her case were similar with Fluttershy, seemed only natural.
Twilight asked and listened, asked more and listened more, and Sweetie never once lacked for things to share. Twilight had grown used to spending most of their one-on-one time simply offering the filly an open and sympathetic ear. As usual, she directed their conversation, sooner or later, to Sweetie’s activities with Fluttershy.
“How have you felt about your time with Fluttershy lately?”
Sweetie’s smile became a bit bashful. “Our date the other day was ... really super special.” She blushed, thinking about their kissing, the flowers, and singing. “Well, you already know, I guess, but I had a really great time. I can hardly wait until we get to do it again.” Sweetie’s expression lit up at the thought, and she recalled, suddenly, their most recent conversation. “Did Fluttershy ask you yet about visiting me and Rarity to help out?”
Twilight nodded. “M-hmm. I told her we’d talk about it when all three of us were here, and ... also some other important things,” Twilight added vaguely.
“Oh, alright,” Sweetie acknowledged. “What kind of important things?”
“Well,” Twilight thought about what she ought to divulge, “some things that Fluttershy and I—I mean, some things that I think Fluttershy might want the chance to tell you herself, or at least be present when you hear them, and, also, some things to do with what I mentioned at the end of your date. Do you remember when I said I’d like for us to try and make a paradigm shift together in how we look at the time you and Fluttershy spend together, especially on dates?”
Sweetie recalled the statement, as well as her confusion. “I remember, but ... could you remind me, again, what exactly a pair-of-dimes means? I just remember something about changing what we think—or ... was it how we think about the time we spend together? What’s that supposed to mean, exactly?” Sweetie’s brow carried her lingering confusion.
Twilight nodded. “Good question. I appreciate when you ask if you’re ever unsure about what I mean,” Twilight mimicked her mentor, “I’ll be happy to try and clear things up now.” This seemed a good opportunity to discuss the matter one-on-one as she’d planned before addressing it as a group, thought Twilight.
“Pa-ra-digm,” she enunciated it carefully for the foal, “is just one word. It means the way somepony thinks about something. A paradigm shift is a movement, in other words, a change in the way somepony thinks. Sometimes, when something isn’t working well or, well ... feels off, the best way to overcome the challenge is to look at it a different way. Does that help make things clearer?”
Sweetie pondered for a moment, then nodded. “So what you’re saying is we should look differently at how Fluttershy and I spend time together, because ... something’s ... wrong?” Sweetie looked anxiously at Twilight.
Twilight remained calm, attempting to show Sweetie no reason to be anxious by her expression, but nodded. “I’m very glad that your date with Fluttershy was so special, Sweetie, but there are some things, I think, that felt ... wrong,” Twilight spared Sweetie any circumlocution. “Do you know what I might be talking about?” Twilight made her tone softer, trying not to guilt or further stir up the already worried filly.
Sweetie didn’t have to think long to guess exactly what Twilight meant. She nodded at the floor, troubled by the kind of “change in thought” that Twilight might mean.
The older pony was relieved she wouldn’t have to explain everything to the filly. “Alright,” Twilight acknowledged. “Before I explain more, I want you to know that—” Twilight thought how best to phrase it without sounding authoritarian “—that I really, really ,” she emphasized, “care about you and Fluttershy being happy together, or,” she hesitated, “however you both ... choose to be.” Twilight felt like she was stepping through a minefield, concerned that any implied promise that she couldn’t keep might end up exploding.
Sweetie looked up abruptly, her pupils small.
“I choose to be together,” she spoke quickly, anxiously, “with Fluttershy,” she added, as though clarifying might help ensure she’d get her wish.
Twilight looked down, frowning, and shut her eyes momentarily against the pain it caused her to give Sweetie reason to fear, to bring the filly to an awareness of the reality of their situation, the possible if eventual end to the relationship she cherished. She knew that awareness was crucial, but decided to delay breaking it to her just a bit longer. You may not have that choice, she thought. Even I may not be able to give you that happy ending.
“You have my word, Sweetie Belle. ... As a friend, I’ll do everything in my power to see you and Fluttershy wind up happy .”
Sweetie swallowed. “But?” the little unicorn prompted, unable to bear the uncertainty beneath Twilight’s promise.
Twilight sighed, might have groaned under the pressure she felt if doing so wouldn’t have raised more concern on Sweetie’s part. It was easier to reason with Fluttershy, who questioned most everything about herself, than to face Sweetie Belle, whose conviction seemed to stem from a source more pure and strong than anypony else’s on the matter of being with Fluttershy. “But ... nothing. My word is my bond, and if I fail to help you, it will only be after everything I can do,” Twilight promised.
Though Twilight meant to comfort her, there it was, Sweetie recognized. Twilight thought she might fail. “What ... what might happen that could make you fail ... Princess?” Sweetie’s eyes pled, glistening.
Her emotions already near the surface from her conversation with Fluttershy, Twilight couldn’t help but reflect the look that Sweetie gave her. Twilight breathed deeply, reigning in her emotion. “That’s ... partly what I want to talk about right now and also in a little bit with Fluttershy.” Twilight paused momentarily to refocus herself and clear her voice. “Can you tell me, first of all, what you thought felt wrong during the picnic with Fluttershy?”
Sweetie thought, and several moments passed in tense silence. “I ... I guess I—we both wanted to do things that we weren’t ready for.” Their error was that much more obvious to Sweetie for the fact that Fluttershy had confessed so seriously to her near the end of their date, but, not knowing for sure whether Twilight knew, the little pony didn’t dare to bring it up, in case it could make things worse.
Twilight simply nodded. “Do you have any ideas about what might have led you both to want that?” Twilight asked.
Sweetie thought for a moment. “M—” she hesitated uncertainly “—maybe because we love each other?”
Recognizing an opportunity to teach, Twilight smiled kindly, patiently. “Do you think that real love would make you want to do something you might regret?”
Sweetie looked thoughtful. “No. ... I guess not.” Sweetie’s eyes lit with understanding until more questions arose. “But ... then,” Sweetie trailed off in thought. The kissing had really made things become intense, and they had kissed, Sweetie thought, because they loved each other. Shouldn’t that mean that kissing would only lead them to something good? But it didn’t fit. “I ... don’t understand, Twilight,” Sweetie admitted anxiously.
“It’s fine that you don’t understand,” Twilight comforted. “You’re still learning. It’s perfectly alright.” Twilight herself had needed to brush up on many of the finer points over the past week, not having had much firsthoof experience. She smiled gently at the filly, and Sweetie seemed to relax. “Do you remember, in the book I gave you ... about sex and our bodies, the part that talked about how strongly we feel when we’re aroused?”
Even after a week of talking about it with the filly and Fluttershy, the topic still felt a bit uncomfortable for the lilac librarian, at least when it came to talking with Sweetie. Twilight handled it well, but Sweetie still sensed the discomfort on some level and knew from her own experience that the topic wasn't something that adults usually discussed, at least around foals. If they did, it was always with a serious sort of tone. With Fluttershy, too, it had been serious, even warning, but there had been an electric feeling beneath it, thinking about actually doing the act itself, being wanted that way by the beautiful mare, and wanting her back.
Yes, Sweetie remembered and knew firsthoof the sense of arousal that Twilight and the book talked about. Though she hadn't understood it fully at the time, she now recognized that it was a large part of what had driven her curiosity when she risked to sneak between her fillyfriend's hind legs. It now seemed like ages ago, though it hadn't actually been that long since it happened—her first real sexual encounter. Despite the intensely negative consequences, Sweetie had thought about it often and enjoyed the tingling sensation that filled her as she did.
On the other hoof, when talking with Twilight about sex, rather than with Fluttershy, or thinking about it alone, Sweetie found her enjoyment stymied. Despite the open and relaxed manner in which the young princess managed to address it, the sex talk always felt more like a chore or unwanted class lecture at best—outright embarrassing at worst. Sweetie couldn't quite put her hoof on why, but, if she'd known better, been more experienced, or, maybe, had a more experienced teacher to explain, Sweetie might have recognized that just the act of listening and talking about sex, by default, stirred feelings in her, unwanted at the moment.
Twilight and Sweetie were neither gal pals, per se, nor prospective lovers. In no way did either wish to show the kind of vulnerability that comes with exposing one's arousal to each other, however minor, yet, here, in these awkward yet necessary sessions, they'd had to endure it to some extent. The result was that it felt a bit like Sweetie imagined talking about sex with Rarity or her mom might feel. The filly wished she could let her newfound enthusiasm for the subject show, but to do so would be uncouth or outright mortifying. Truth was, Twilight felt similarly, but possessed the maturity and ability to detach herself from arousal, more or less as necessary, to get through the troublesome talks.
Along these lines, Sweetie grimaced and squirmed a little at the question, but she nodded. “I remember it said that kissing and touching makes ponies feel ... aroused, and we talked about the differences between love a-and, um,” Sweetie grew timid for a moment, but pressed on, “and sexual feelings.”
“Right! So, you might ask, and it would be a perfectly reasonable question,” Twilight proposed, “if you love and trust each other and feel romantic feelings for each other, then why set boundaries like waiting for sex, or even ... passionate kissing, maybe?”
Sweetie looked up with interest at the older pony, willingly led and eager to know the answer. “Yeah! Why, Twilight?”
“Why do you think, Sweetie Belle?”
Sweetie looked blankly back at Twilight for a moment until her features twisted and she looked sideways, thinking back to past discussions. “I ... guess ... well, our families might be worried we went too fast.”
“Why might they think that?” Twilight pressed.
Sweetie pondered more. “Maybe because they think I'm ... too young.” Sweetie finished, a little sad and a little irritated.
“And you don’t agree with them,” Twilight pointed out, having discussed the matter with Sweetie before.
“Mm-mm.” Sweetie shook her head.
“So, why else might it be a good idea to wait?”
“Because we,” Sweetie finally recognized part of the reason, “... we have to be committed, but, Twilight, we’re ready to get married now,” Sweetie objected to her own conclusion. “It’s just ... we’re being forced to wait because, well ... we have to try and prove it’s alright for us to be together.”
Twilight’s patient expression didn’t change. Despite the filly's reasoning, Twilight could only sigh softly at how completely Sweetie seemed to missed the point. “Sweetie,” Twilight paused for a long moment, formulating what to say next. “Whether or not you feel ready—and I don’t doubt you do feel ready ... commitments, even marriages, can be broken and end up hurting ponies.” Twilight paused briefly to let the foal consider the fact. “If you were both adults, there's nothing that should stop you. I mean, it might or might not be wise; you still would both feel hurt if something came between you, but you’d eventually move past it, and others would accept it more or less,” Twilight struggled for a moment to simplify what was a complex social issue. Fortunately she'd been getting better at it lately. “But, because ponies care more about protecting foals—because there’s good reason to protect foals—if a relationship like yours and Fluttershy’s comes to light, they’ll be afraid that, if you get hurt, it would end much worse than any normal adult relationship.”
“But,” Sweetie objected, “why should we worry about breaking our commitment, if we know we want to spend the rest of our lives together?”
“Because,” Twilight answered directly, though she wished the filly’d had the life experience to come to the conclusion on her own, “even very wise, very adult ponies, who love each other very much and think they want to spend the rest of their lives together, sometimes turn out to be mistaken, but,” Sweetie looked like she was going to say something until Twilight added quickly, “beyond equine error, you and Fluttershy will probably have to face trials and challenges that normal pony relationships don’t. Even if you both want to remain fully committed, something outside of any of our control could separate you, and then, well, that would mean that you, your family, and Fluttershy would all be hurt.”
Having become fairly well read on commitment recently, Sweetie seemed to keep up with Twilight’s explanation. “I’m willing to take that chance, Twilight. If I’m hurt, I’ll get better just like anypony else,” Sweetie protested boldly.
“I believe you, truly, Sweetie Belle, but what if it meant Fluttershy were banished?”
Sweetie grew wide-eyed for a moment, then defiant. “Then I’d go with her! I’d follow her anywhere!”
Twilight saw the foal’s determination. “Do you believe Fluttershy would really want you to leave your friends and family behind like that?”
Sweetie gave a high pitched “Hmmph!” but said no more.
At this, Twilight let out half a groan. “Listen, Sweetie. I—”
Sweetie turned her head and folded her ears, scowling, annoyed by the request. She would hear Twilight, but the chance of listening was slim, given how, she felt, the mare wasn't on her side.
Seeing the defiance directed suddenly at her, Twilight couldn't help but become a little annoyed herself. Foals, not that she could claim to have a lot of experience with them, really, but this fit with what she'd read. She should have seen it coming, she thought. She stopped herself, returning her focus to how she could help.
“I'm—all I mean to say is that it's going to be hard, not impossible, Sweetie.” She sighed, a little disheartened to have let their conversation take this turn. “But ... You're a remarkable filly, and I believe, that ... if anypony can make this happen, I think you, Sweetie Belle, a crusader , can.” Twilight encouraged flatteringly. “Still, even the best of us need help, and that's exactly what I want to give both you and Fluttershy.”
Twilight looked pleadingly at the white foal. Moments passed as what she'd said sunk in, and, slowly, Sweetie's expression softened, she turned her gaze back to Twilight, and, seeing the pony's earnestness, the last of her anger vanished. Sweetie Belle looked down anxiously. “How then, Twilight?”
“I'm looking for a way as fast as I can, I promise. Until then, well ... please, hear me out,” Twilight tried again.
Believing that Twilight cared for her relationship, Sweetie was easily entreated this time. She looked up, still anxious, but ready to listen. “Waiting is going to be really hard, it seems, for you and Fluttershy, and the first step to helping it become a little bit easier is to know why waiting is important. ... You really love Fluttershy.” Twilight began, then waited for Sweetie's confirmation.
“Yes!” Sweetie was emphatic.
“You’ll do anything to make her happy, won’t you?”
“Y-yes,” but ...
“If you believed waiting could help protect you and Fluttershy and give you a better chance at being happy together, wouldn’t you want to wait?”
“... Yes.”
“Then, if you’ll agree,” Twilight emphasized the conditional, “I think it’s time we talk about what can happen if you choose not to wait.”
Sweetie didn’t particularly like where this was going, but she nodded. If she could understand things from Twilight’s perspective, then, she thought, she might at least know what to expect, either way. “I agree, but ... really? Banishment? For sex with a foal, even when they love each other?” Sweetie’s expression was pained.
Twilight frowned. “It’s happened before,” Twilight answered somberly. “But, for now, let me share a different example of how it can turn out badly.”
Sweetie waited while Twilight summoned and unfurled a scroll tied with a black ribbon.
“The case of Merryweather, female, age twenty-seven and Honeydew, female, age eight.” Twilight peeked over the scroll to see Sweetie was paying attention before continuing. “This happened about 10 years ago in Cloudsdale.”
Merryweather worked as a librarian at Cloudsdale's central library. Those who knew her, knew she liked reading, sketching, and, given the time, loved to go adventuring. She’d soar in the great wide open sky, trot among the wilds of nearby forests, explore rocky crags and inside caves, gallop through tall grassy meadows, and, even, on occasion, roam through city streets, her own or others', sometimes quiet and abandoned, sometimes full of ponies and lights and sounds. Wherever Cloudsdale was currently drifting (or, more accurately, being directed), Merryweather looked for new and exciting places to visit. Usually, the mare went alone. On occasion, a friend joined her, but only to places she already knew, ones she wanted to share. When she felt too tired, or found no place outside that suited her, or when work was slow, the pegasus tucked herself into the pages of her stories and let her imagination whisk her away to far off places.
Merryweather enjoyed the sights, sounds, smells, the occasional taste of a flower or plant she could trust, or whatever local food seemed particularly appetizing. She enjoyed the feeling of grass or leaves, pavement, dust, or cloud beneath her hooves. She could be social. Sometimes she met new ponies and tried to make friends, though it wasn't really her forte. What Merryweather enjoyed most about her outings, usually, was the solace that came from being where others didn't come often. Though she knew it couldn't always be true, she sometimes liked to think she might be the first of her kind to set hoof in the quiet wilderness places she discovered, that, if she decided to, she might disappear there and nopony would ever find her. The buzzing streets of Manehattan or other metropolises held a similar appeal to her, seeming so populated, so completely anonymous, that she became practically invisible, able to watch without being watched and wander or stand still for hours without anypony noticing or wondering who she was.
Merryweather had hopes and dreams, fears and desires, just like any other pony. She felt lonely and tired, or happy and energetic, just like any other pony. She was loved and trusted by her friends. When she was flaky, as sometimes happened, she might get on some ponies’ nerves, but she couldn’t be said to have any enemies. Most often, she was overlooked, unremarkable, except to the select few she held near, and she liked it that way. Like many ponies, she had some secrets she liked to keep. Though none could have guessed, among those secrets was an infatuation that would ultimately destroy her.
Late one afternoon, after reading aloud to the foals in Cloudsdale library, Merryweather received a request from the parents of one of her regular listeners. The little family had been friendly with her since they’d begun bringing their daughter in years ago. This week, as they chatted following the reading, the parents explained that, tired of being cooped up in Cloudsdale, they’d begun planning a second honeymoon. Having consulted their daughter about whom she preferred to be her foalsitter, Merryweather was flattered to hear that she’d been, by far, the top pick among only a few.
Glitterwing, the daughter, was only six when she and Merryweather first...
Twilight cleared her throat and looked at Sweetie again. The foal sat patiently, curious to know where the story was going, but also a little bored, until Twilight continued.
“... when they first were intimate with each other.”
Immediately Sweetie’s ears perked and her eyes widened for a second.
“Wait. I thought this was about a filly named Honeydew,” she interjected.
“We haven’t gotten to her yet. We will, though. Just wait.”
It began when Merryweather was just twenty. The young mare had no adult prospects for love, and, having been an only foal and her parents having met an unfortunate end in a weather accident, she had nopony to pressure her into any such relationship.
With Glitterwing, Merryweather not only felt the hole left by the loss of her parents filled, she absolutely thrilled at having the perfect partner, inexperienced and full of foalhood wonder, to show all the things she loved about Equestria and with whom to make more new discoveries. Every secret glade, every waterfall, every whistling majestic peak, every fragrant field of flowers was so much more enriching and wonderful because they shared them together. It so happened that Merryweather was just as interested in trying new things in bed as she was out of bed. Glitterwing joined her in everything eagerly and at every opportunity. Her parents were happy she’d found such a good friend and mentor, and not sorry to have some extra time to themselves. They were never the wiser to the sexual goings on between the two.
Eventually, Glitterwing began to mature. Many young stallions about her age took interest in her, but one in particular caught her eye. It was hard for the filly to make the choice to leave her mentor, but Merryweather insisted she follow her heart to new love, love that she knew other ponies would accept, that would lead her beloved little filly, now a budding mare, to greater happiness than she felt she’d ever be able to provide.
Only a year later, they’d lost contact with each other, and Merryweather was left, in spite of her well-wishing for Glitter’s future relationships, heartbroken. The world seemed less favorable. New adventures no longer held much appeal to her. She still went out, if only to keep from wallowing, but the joy of it was gone.
In the midst of so much emotional turmoil, Merryweather went out alone one winter day to a field not far from Vanhoover. The freshly fallen snow was beautiful. Its pure, unspoiled surface coated every small thing and reminded her of the foal she missed so dearly. She remembered the times she and Glitter used to romp together, flutter and fall into fresh patches, wave their arms, then add the shape of a horn to make snow princesses.
To try and numb the pain, Merryweather stopped in the field and laid down, letting the cold seep in through her coat, and, when that failed, she wept just a little and let the snow numb her face and catch her tears. It wouldn’t help to let herself be sad, she thought, so most of her tears she fought back despite how deeply it hurt.
It was quiet as only wintertime in such an isolated place could be. Her hoofprints and the sound of her sobbing, though subtle, attracted the attention of a young filly. Honeydew approached cautiously at first and, when she saw another pony crying, became bolder. As she approached, nothing seemed to be outwardly wrong. The hoofprints she’d followed had been even and untroubled, showing no sign of struggle or injury. Feeling sorry for the stranger, and being the type of pony who knew and appreciated silence herself, the foal said nothing, but, trusting as she was, she lay next to Merryweather and rested her chin on the pony’s foreleg.
Merryweather thought, as she felt the warmth of the filly and heard her breathing, that she must have been imagining Honeydew. Most of her life she’d spent in fantasy or otherwise running away from the cold lonely reality that was the loss of her family. Now, though she tried, she couldn’t escape the loss of her Glitterwing. Maybe, she thought, her mind had snapped, brought to life what she’d ached to have again, ever since Glitter and she had parted ways. Her mind had snapped, but not in the way she thought.
It didn’t matter that the filly didn’t look exactly like her Glitter. It didn’t matter that the filly seemed scared, protested, and struggled. What her mind had given her, however dirty it made her feel, Merryweather was just desperate enough to take, regardless. Anything seemed better than the hell she’d lived in loneliness, even if it were another hell.
Merryweather forced the filly to orgasm and then to do the same for her. Afterward, drained mentally by the heinous act, and exhausted physically by the intensity of her release, by the cold, and numbed, finally , of the heartache she’d endured for too long, Merryweather laid back down and decided that there, in the field, she would stay until she froze.
She didn’t freeze, but was found after Honeydew ran and reported what happened to her parents. Merryweather was put into a hospital for mentally ill ponies, but, after realizing what she’d done, she lost even the will to eat or drink. Despite all that the doctors could do to nourish her, she languished, and, eventually, she passed away.
Twilight choked out the last bit, and, sniffling, looked up at Sweetie to see her, horror-stricken and on the verge of tears.
“W-wh—what does ... ‘languish’ mean?”
Twilight swallowed to control her sorrow. “It means to wither, fade, or weaken,” Twilight answered.
Sweetie took a ragged breath, half-sobbing as tears suddenly fell, but stopped herself. Her brow furrowed angrily, and she sniffed. “I’d never leave Fluttershy,” Sweetie declared with all the seriousness she could manage to communicate through tone and expression.
Twilight considered the foal. “Never is a very long time,” she challenged gently.
Sweetie nodded, her expression still determined. “It is, but it’s not too long.”
“How do you know it’s not too long?” Twilight prodded.
“Because ... because I feel it. I love her for real . Glitter couldn’t have loved Merryweather like I love Fluttershy, or she’d never have left.” The filly spoke boldly, naively.
“How do you know that Glitterwing didn’t think the same thing you’re thinking right now?” Twilight pressed further.
“I ... I just know , okay?!” Sweetie had no proof but the strength of her conviction.
“Alright.” Twilight still spoke patiently and gently. “Okay. But,” Twilight paused and her expression and tone hardened, “Believing it, even knowing it, yourself, won’t be enough to convince others, no matter how much you insist, without proof.”
Sweetie looked worried, but her worry again turned quickly into anger. “I ... I don’t care what others think!” Sweetie rebelled.
“That ,” Twilight's tone became sharp suddenly, “is exactly the kind of attitude that could lead Fluttershy to insist you leave her ... just like Merryweather insisted Glitter leave her.”
Sweetie looked aghast for a moment until her face scrunched up, ready to confront Twilight. “How could me caring more about Fluttershy than about anypony else make her want me to leave?!”
“Because, Sweetie Belle,” Twilight dared to speak the filly's name with some acid, “to say you don’t care about others is selfish and cruel , even if you still care about Fluttershy, and Fluttershy would never be so unkind as to let the pony she loves make such a foolish mistake! ”
“What?! I— ” Sweetie’s voice cracked, and she fumed, about to shout her counterargument at Princess Know-it-all, until she stopped, suddenly, as a realization struck her.
Fluttershy had made it clear the day that Sweetie confessed she’d follow her anywhere. ...
“It’s not that I’m not happy about—that you want to stay with me. It’s that, you’d lose your friends and family if we left, and, well ... it could hurt Twilight a lot if I break my promise to her. I’m sure it would hurt her, I mean. It would hurt a lot of ponies if you left their lives, all just so we could ... be happy together.”
“That’s not the whole reason I’m sad. I’m sad because ... I’d do it. I’d leave with you if you asked me to and if Twilight couldn’t help us. I’m sad because I’d betray Twilight after everything she’s done for us,” her eyes glistened, “and I’d hurt your family and all of our friends because I ... I can’t ... I don’t want to live without you for so long.”
Though the Pegasus had claimed she would betray their friends for Sweetie, she remembered her sorrow and hesitation. The thought crossed the unicorn’s mind again, as it had then, that, maybe, Fluttershy might not be able to follow through, as unfailingly kind as she was. “I don’t want to live without you,” she’d said. The thought of Fluttershy first forcing her, Sweetie, to leave, and then wandering alone, freezing, withering, dying, hit her at once like a ton of bricks. And, even if her love were willing, after all, to abandon their friends, Sweetie thought, would they, could they, ever really be happy like that? Hiding it from everypony created even more complications than simply running. Just like in the story, Fluttershy need not abscond with Sweetie to feel the same guilt. Might not the same end come, no matter which way? Her sunshine pony, ill with remorse and faded, flashed before her.
Sweetie felt her blood run chill. Her heart, already quick from arguing, skipped several beats before racing even faster, and her breathing, suddenly, became quicker, panicked. There had to be a way to stop it.
Though Sweetie's resolve had wavered about asking Fluttershy to run with her, the filly now became firm. She must never press Fluttershy to take her away. Though she'd repeatedly told her marefriend she was willing to do what she wanted and wantonly thrown the burden of preserving her virtue on Fluttershy's withers, slowly, the little unicorn was realizing how foolish she'd been and just how much rode on their ability to keep their relationship legitimate, chaste, guiltless.
“But,” Sweetie breathed heavily still, trying to catch her breath from the blow, “if we won't end up happy keeping it secret, and if we can't convince ponies that I should get married, won't that be just as bad as breaking up?”
Twilight exhaled, relieved to see the filly was beginning to fully understand. Her tone returned to normal. “It won't be as bad, no, because it's not permanent,” Twilight reminded. “You can still get married and have the relationship you want, but it might not come as soon as you want it. It will take patience and, as we've seen from your date recently, it will require extra, extra caution,” she stressed.
Sweetie cringed still at the thought of waiting, but, now that she knew the alternatives better, it suddenly seemed a much more desirable option. More than tolerable, or even acceptable, waiting, as compared to losing Fluttershy or watching her suffer, actually seemed good, for once.
Twilight waited while the filly processed. Gradually Sweetie's breathing, though still stressed, came closer to normal. “Are we clear, Sweetie?” Twilight didn't hesitate to use the stern tone one last time.
Sweetie looked penitently at Twilight before nodding. “I'm sorry I was being mule-headed.” Sweetie looked left and right, and so did Twilight, but no mules had materialized in Twilight's loft. “I—” Sweetie's voice quavered. “I was hoping that, if we couldn't get married, we'd still have a few options beside just waiting.” Sweetie's eyes welled up once more as despair settled in, and she began to cry freely. “I just—Twilight—I don't want—to be—alone.”
As she watched and listened, Twilight wondered whether maybe she'd been too hard on the foal after all. No. She decided she had been just hard enough. Still, Twilight felt sympathy for her and wished she could offer her a hug.
Why not? She'd already taken the risk earlier, after all, with Fluttershy. “Can I—Sweetie, I know it's hard. Can I give you a hug?”
To Twilight's great relief, Sweetie nodded immediately. Twilight stood and stepped over to the little unicorn, and, sharing the filly's grief, Twilight wrapped her in a warm embrace which Sweetie eagerly reciprocated. Raising two forelegs to Twilight's one, she squeezed the purple mare about the chest and buried her face in the purple pony's soft coat, letting her tears soak in.
If Twilight had many more days like this one ahead of her, she thought, she wasn't sure how long she'd wind up lasting.
Author's Note
Last revised 4 February 2015
Original Note:
Reference used: http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/female-sex-offenders.html Firefly by Piers Anthony
Edit (6/25/14) : Thanks to Setokaiva for proofreading.
To readers who finished the former Chapter 12 before 4 February 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised second part of the old Chapter 12 (now chapters 16 and 17). It is not new to the story.
In Twilight's embrace, so much more easily than with Fluttershy, without doubt or skepticism to dilute her conviction, Sweetie was comforted quickly, knowing she was loved and certain that she wasn't alone. The young filly's breathing calmed, she released Twilight, and the lavender alicorn sighed.
Twilight trained herself to deliver one last lesson, one she hoped would be easier than the first. “I have one last story, Sweetie, if you think you can hear it right now. It's still disturbing, but maybe not quite as sad,” or close to home, she thought, “as the last.”
“S—” hic “—sure, Twilight. It's alright. I can—” her breathing shuddered one last time “—handle it.”
“Alright.” Twilight took a seat at the filly's side and stroked her back reassuringly, concerned, but she nodded and cleared her throat. “This story takes place a very long time ago in Unicornia, before the diarchical—before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ruled Equestria.” Twilight flashed away the black-ribboned scroll and replaced it with one tied with a mauve ribbon instead. “This is the story—more of a history,” Twilight corrected, “of Lord Mithril and his legacy.”
“Oh, royalty?” Sweetie’s mood lightened a bit.
Twilight nodded, but only half-smiled at the little unicorn’s interest. “This happened in a time when marriages between stallions and small fillies were not only condoned—allowed, but fairly commonplace,” Twilight explained.
“Wait, so fillies like me used to be allowed to marry, just like that?” Sweetie interrupted.
“Well, yes and no. Let me start at the beginning. ... You see, during this period, the three pony tribes experienced particular peace and prosperity through trade. Unicorn royalty benefited in part from gem trading, however, their main wealth and power came to them through magic that was kept and taught only to the ruling class. In order to keep the secrets of their powers to themselves along with their riches, royal families interbred almost exclusively with each other. Often, a spouse was taken very young in order to train them in the magical craft of the house which they were to join. Because of the heavy focus on wealth and duty, however, spouses often didn’t know each other, much less love each other, before they were married. Some couples grew to love each other eventually, but many ... didn’t. Those who didn’t, often looked to other relationships, usually multiple partners, for intimacy and romance. Spouses were usually aware of these affairs and accepted them as part of life as royalty. In the end, of course, their infidelity led many to an early grave by the spread of sexually transmitted disease. You remember the diseases we talked about, don’t you?” Twilight asked.
“Uh-huh,” Sweetie nodded, recalling a chapter in one of her reading assignments and her subsequent discussion with Twilight about diseases that ponies can catch through sex.
“Very good!” Twilight smiled and continued. “That’s not what this story is about, but it’s still good to remember, I think,” Twilight noted. “I’m going to keep this short since I’ll be paraphrasing from the old Equish.” Twilight unfurled the scroll and, pausing to scan it quickly every so often, she related back what she read.
“The young maiden Argentine, betrothed from birth to Lord Mithril, joined his house, by the lord's request and with the blessing of Argentine's sire, from age four to learn her royal duty. The lord tended to her himself closely, raising her as an obedient wife.”
“Betrothed?” Sweetie looked confused.
“Betrothed just means an engaged pony. In other words, theirs was an arranged marriage. Also, there’s reason to believe,” Twilight clarified further, “that, since unicorns rarely manage any magic so young, Argentine’s ‘royal duty,’” Twilight made air quotes, “was to please Lord Mithril—sexually, that is.”
“At four years old?!” Sweetie interjected, not disgusted but certainly surprised, to which Twilight simply nodded before continuing.
“Though the record doesn’t state it anywhere specifically, Mithril was likely about seventeen at the time he married his first foal wife, having been granted his inheritance at sixteen, and, thus, being considered capable of supporting a wife and potential family at that time.
“Lady Argentine passed away in giving birth, along with one of two foals, a common and tragic end, at the untimely age of ten. The single foal she gave her life for, whom survived, Lord Mithril granted his cousin to wed at age eight in exchange for the cousin’s last daughter, the maiden Starlight, age six, from his own late wife. Many speculated that Mithril was too closely reminded of Argentine by their daughter, and, for grief, he couldn’t bear to raise her. In any case, from then on, Mithril's conduct in family matters became more and more questionable.
“Young Lady Starlight resisted Mithril’s guidance and shunned her ‘training,’ but ultimately, according to the record, she submitted and bore him two sons and three daughters before she died as well at age 14, again in childbirth.”
Sweetie seemed distressed, but Twilight pressed on.
“Mithril set up his sons to wed their sisters well before any of them had matured, taboo even among Unicornian royalty, and, rumor had it, Mithril carried on mating with his own daughters afterward. This way, when they weren’t wearing anything among guests, any sign of intercourse could be blamed on sex with their sibling spouses, even though his sons, well, ... weren’t grown enough to cause as much redness as some reported seeing.
“Similarly, Mithril set up and manipulated his grandchildren and, likely, mated with the fillies among them. His house endured the scandal, however, and his wealth stayed with him and grew because there was no need to give dowries, that is, gifts to his daughters’ husbands,” Twilight clarified, “since they were his own sons. Additionally, the family managed to avoid disease, since they seemingly only engaged in coitus—sex—with each other, except for a number of grandsons who married outside the family.
“At age 40, Lord Mithril already had 10 grandchildren. One of his and Starlight’s daughters had died in childbirth at age 10, like Argentine had, but their third daughter married the widower brother, taking her sister’s place. The same happened to several granddaughters and even great-granddaughters at different ages. Some of the widower colts married outside the family, but most decided to marry within, as long as an unwed cousin or sister existed within their family.
“Mithril lived to 77 years old, quite old for his day, when ponies usually only lived to about 35. He died of old age, incidentally, but that wasn’t the end. Several of his sons, grandsons, and their sons and grandsons carried on the tradition of urging their foals to marry each other, or the foal of a similarly-minded brother or cousin, while young, and then mating with their own fillies and nieces before and after puberty.
“A few were caught in the act and the uncle or father reprimanded officially, but the power of the family had grown so much that, together, they held sway over the law and could escape the larger part of the consequences. This changed when, presumably, the clan became so corrupted that parts of the family, either hurt or moved by conscience, united and brought most of the others to justice. The worst offenders were banished. Many were stripped of their possessions and status. Some of the young colts who never meant harm, but only meant to follow in their family tradition were given a second chance. A few couples who claimed to love each other sincerely were granted amnesty—pardoned.
“From Argentine until the last unhealthy incestuous bond was forcibly broken, the Mithril clan’s abuses spanned over 100 years, and, from then on, a minimum age limit was set by law for marriage so that both spouses would have the benefit of maturity and the moral education that comes with it—something that Mithril’s wives and foals had lacked. The part of the family that had rebelled had done so primarily because of the abhorrent treatment of some of the fillies among them, being conditioned to accept sexual advances, even while they were unwilling, lest they be shunned, treated more like a communal har—er ... I mean, like slaves,” Twilight censored a little bit for Sweetie Belle, “than like wives.
“Not too long after, sibling marriages were also outlawed to limit familial manipulation, and so that power like the Mithril clan had wouldn’t again so easily be acquired, not to mention,” Twilight added, “many suffered birth defects due to inbreeding. Fortunately, the royals began from then on to question their strict inter-familial marrying and to accept marrying serfs, unicorn peasantry,” she finished matter-of-factly and sent the scroll away with a pop.
Sweetie Belle said nothing, but looked aghast for the second time that session.
“Can you guess why I might share this history with you, Sweetie?”
It took the filly half a minute to recover from what she'd heard, and when she responded, she looked tired and a bit unfocused. “Well,” she'd understood most, but hadn't bothered to ask what certain words meant, like 'familial,' so she guessed, “maybe to show how marrying foals is—or how it can be bad?” Sweetie ventured.
“Close. Good guess, but not exactly. What Mithril did was very bad. It hurt fillies and colts in his family for more than a century. But the main reason I share this is to give you an example not of how foal marriage is bad, but of why the law , as it is today, is good .”
Sweetie considered the difference. “But, it also stops good foal marriage,” Sweetie said, more to herself than to Twilight, thinking out loud.
Twilight didn't contest the statement. “Do you—” Twilight considered how best to prompt more critical thought. “What do you think stopping the bad ones is worth? How many good foal marriages stopped would it take to balance out one bad one the law also stops?”
“I ... guess I don't know, but, if there's still the chance a foal can marry the pony she loves when she's older, then it would equal a lot of stopped foal marriages.”
Twilight nodded, smiling. “I agree. So, what do you think of the laws against foal marriage and sex?”
“I think they're good,” Sweetie admitted, “but ... what about Fluttershy and me?”
“I think,” Twilight answered, “you're seeing how complicated it really is to make an exception to such an important law.”
Sweetie thought quietly for a moment. “I think I've had that paradigm move you were talking about.”
Twilight chuckled. “Paradigm shift or paradigm change, yes.” Twilight let loose a great sigh of relief.
Finally, the three were ready to meet together. They all seemed to be on the same page, but, of course, talking about it as a group would be helpful for ironing out the details and solidifying their plan to make sure the odd couple was as safe as possible. Equally important, of course, was their need to discuss whether Sweetie would let Rarity know what was happening.
As all three sat together, Sweetie and Fluttershy side by side, the pegasus's wing around the foal as usual, Twilight dove in, eager to finish the day's counseling. The trio didn't take long, setting tighter boundaries, mostly for future dates, but also for topics they' would avoid discussing generally without Twilight present. Once they'd finished covering what Sweetie and Fluttershy were to do if they ever felt temptation strike, Twilight moved on immediately to the final issue.
“Now, Fluttershy, do you want to tell Sweetie what we discussed, or should I?”
Fluttershy had thought about how, she hoped, the conversation might go most smoothly as she'd waited in the library and took only a moment to recall her thoughts before answering. “If it's alright, Twilight, I'd like to have a word with Sweetie Belle alone, and have you check on us just every minute or two. I'm feeling safer now that we've all talked, actually, so longer wouldn't hurt, but, um, ... I'll leave it up to you, if you agree.”
Twilight looked up thoughtfully. “Alright,” the lavender mare agreed. “Let's make it five minutes between check-ins. I suppose you can have as long as you need, total, but, if you didn't go past fifteen minutes, my schedule wouldn't be hurt at all,” Twilight hinted not-so-subtly and squeed, smiling.
Fluttershy grinned and nodded.
“Just give the barrier a knock if you need anything or finish in the middle of five minutes,” Twilight advised.
Sweetie's curiosity was intense as she listened and waited. As she watched Twilight open and step through the barrier to descend the loft stairs and the barrier closed again, her attention snapped back to Fluttershy.
Smiling, Fluttershy withdrew her wing and shifted to face the filly. Sweetie smiled back, recognizing the admiration in Fluttershy's gaze and warmed by the soft sparkling in her eyes. Fluttershy raised a hoof to the foal's cheek and closed her eyes, relaxing with a sigh as she stroked it. Sweetie raised her own hoof to Fluttershy's and held it in place, letting her own eyelids droop and close and nuzzling happily, sighing softly, against her fillyfriend's soft pastern and smooth hoof.
Fluttershy smiled wider and opened her eyes again. Don't delay , she thought. “Twilight and I were talking about your family, in particular Rarity,” Sweetie opened her eyes with interest and let loose Fluttershy's hoof to better focus on the mare, “and I'd like to know how you might feel if, maybe, with your permission, we told her that you and I are in love with each other.”
Sweetie released Fluttershy's hoof, and her eyes grew wide, surprised. “You ... actually want Rarity to know about ... that we ... want to get married, before we know whether it'll be allowed?”
“Honestly, no. I'm terrified, but ... the way we're keeping it secret, I'm frightened even more that it might hurt not only my and Twilight's close friendship with your sister, but it might drive a wedge between you and her, and, the longer we wait, I worry, the harder it will be.”
A moment's silence passed between them as puzzle pieces snapped into place for Sweetie Belle.
“Also,” Fluttershy continued, “I think that, maybe, if Rarity approves, though I really don't dare to hope, just maybe, it could make our official engagement, our marriage, possible much sooner—you know?—since a big part of the risk in us being together is what might happen if your family found out about us by accident. Also,” Fluttershy amended further, “if Rarity knows and is willing to give us a chance, then it might not be so hard to convince the rest of our closest friends, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie, to help us too.”
“And, if Rarity doesn't approve?” Sweetie looked up, worried.
“Then,” Fluttershy took a steadying breath and exhaled, “we'll have a tough choice to make, but, no matter what, even if I have to wait for you, even if we're separated, I'll always love you. I'll write to you if that's what you want, I'll break the rules, like I’ve said, and try to visit you or run away with you, if it's possible, if you ask me to. And, if I'm sent far away or locked up and can't do anything but think about you, then, I swear by my heart and my life, I'll think about you and write to you, as if you could receive my letters, until the day I finally see you again and can read every word I've written to you myself, and ... and if you still love me like I love you then, then I'll take you and marry you, and we'll live happily together from then on.”
Sweetie blushed open-mouthed for a moment at the grand romance of the promise until her eyes shifted uncertainly, and she frowned. Thoughts of a withered Fluttershy, too weak to go on, chilled and haunted her, and she remembered the resolution she'd made.
“I'll love you forever, Fluttershy. If I had to wait a hundred years, I'd do it.” Her heart ached to think about it. “If you,” Sweetie paused, struggling for words, “if you ever think that ... it's better for me to be without you ... like, to be with somepony else, then ... I still won't be, you know? You and me, it's everything for both of us or nothing … well, for—for me anyway,” she stumbled awkwardly. Sweetie shut her eyes and furrowed her brow against lingering images of a brokenhearted mare. “I ... I won't let you go, and, if you or anypony else separates us, I'd spend forever just to find you again.” Sweetie spoke with conviction.
Fluttershy wasn't sure why Sweetie included her, just then, among ponies who might stand in the way of their relationship, but she knew what she was thinking, a scenario where Fluttershy urged the young filly to move on that had crossed her mind earlier as she talked with Twilight. It appeared, thought Fluttershy, that Twilight had prepared both of them for that possibility, and Sweetie had chosen not to accept it. The pegasus blushed at the thought and at the foal's counter-promise.
Fluttershy reached forward to embrace her foal, and Sweetie clung to her in return desperately, as though she might not see her again. “I love you, Sweetie Belle!” Fluttershy couldn’t help but repeat herself.
“I love you too, Fluttershy!” Sweetie tightened her hold, and felt herself cry the last of the tears she’d kept back from the story of Merryweather and Glitterwing.
As they held each other, a familiar voice called to them from the room itself. “It’s been five minutes, girls. If everything is alright, then please knock on the barrier three times in the next twenty seconds. I won’t be able to hear you if you respond any other way since I’ve made this a one-way sound channel. ... Only 10 seconds left before I come up.” Twilight Sparkle’s tone was polite.
Unwilling to let each other go, Fluttershy lifted both of them hastily with her wings and tapped the humming barrier three times, kicking lightly with a back hoof, then returned back to the small sofa where they’d been sitting.
They spent a whole minute there, feeling each other’s warmth. Sweetie pressed her head against Fluttershy’s barrel, hearing her heartbeat, and Fluttershy stroked the filly’s mane and withers and felt and listened to her breathe and sniffle once.
“So ... do you know what your answer is to telling Rarity?” Fluttershy broke the relative silence.
Still holding Fluttershy, Sweetie thought for a while silently. “I love Rarity, but ... I’m ... afraid,” she finally responded. There was another long pause as she considered the good that might come from telling her sister.
Before she answered, Sweetie squeezed Fluttershy tightly, straining until her nervousness burnt itself out, and all her tension released at once. With a deep breath, the filly answered, “Let’s tell her.”
The three wrapped up their meeting as smoothly as Twilight had hoped. While Fluttershy would visit the boutique to help, they each agreed, it would be best if Sweetie occupied herself away from the two, mostly, and tried to limit their contact.
They’d tell Rarity together, they decided, after the celebration.
“I’m really proud of both of you. Fluttershy, you’ve come such a long way in such a short amount of time with facing your fear. ... I want you to know that I’m with you 100% no matter what happens. Sweetie Belle, I've never met a braver filly, ever, than you,” Twilight ended simply at the end of their session.
Twilight stayed for the couple’s few intimate minutes before they all bid each other farewell. The librarian was neither as timid nor as trusting as she had been prior to the couple's date. Fluttershy and Sweetie, as well, each exercised far more caution than before, even with their purple companion present. The kisses they shared were still a soothing bliss after the sore conversations and difficult resolutions, but the spark between them was subdued. The love each understood behind their mutual self restraint made up for the loss of the heated arousal in which they usually indulged. Because they loved each other, because they respected one another’s ardor, each held back patiently and felt satisfied in the end without the usual thrill. A purer, more disciplined love seemed to grow between them.
Sweetie Belle sat quietly at dinner, contemplating everything that had happened the past week and what had been discussed that day. It was, perhaps, Rarity thought, the fifth time, at least, that the filly had been so quiet at dinner, not to mention other meals. Sweetie had finished her carrots quickly, but took her time with her asparagus. Rarity watched the littler unicorn now, prodding one piece with her fork.
“So,” the older sister started, “How was your day?” she asked politely.
Sweetie considered her answer. “Good,” she responded, smiling, but didn’t elaborate. “How about you?”
Rarity finished a lady-like drink of water, her plate already empty. Everything she did was lady-like. “Good. Good,” she echoed, “although, lately,” Rarity admitted, “I’ve been a little bit worried about you, Dear.”
Sweetie looked up at her sister, suddenly attentive. “O-oh ... really?” she stammered.
“Yes,” she let her concern show through. “You’re normally much more talkative, yet—” Rarity avoided any direct implication “—I mean to say, it seems like something has been on your mind.” Rarity looked patiently across at Sweetie, expectantly.
“W-well I, uhh,” she swallowed. “I don’t—I mean, it’s nothing, really.” Sweetie smiled nervously.
Rarity looked at Sweetie, unconvinced. “If you insist, Darling.” She said no more, unwilling to pry just yet.
The sisters sat silent and still at the kitchen table for several long moments.
“Rarity,” Sweetie ventured nervously.
“Hmm?” the elegant unicorn smiled at her little sister.
“Would you—do you think ... I’m grown up enough to make important decisions for myself?”
The response wasn’t what Rarity had expected. She looked curious as she considered the question. “What kind of important decisions do you mean, might I ask?”
Sweetie’s mouth twisted at the probing question. “I can’t really say. I mean, I don’t know. Just ... important ones, very important ones,” she clarified.
“Well,” Rarity paused again and took another drink. “I guess it depends on the kind of ... ‘very important’ decision. You’re still just a filly, after all, Darling.”
Sweetie’s lips pursed and she looked frustrated and a little worried at the table. Rarity took from the reaction that there really was something, potentially ‘very important,’ happening in her young sister’s life, something she’d been keeping secret. She finished her glass of water.
A minute passed before Sweetie thought to ask another question. “Are there any important decisions,” Sweetie hesitated, “that you think any pony, no matter what age, should be allowed to make for herself?”
Rarity thought again. It was a question she’d never really considered. More and more she wished the littler pony would come right out with what she wanted to ask—tell her what was going on.
“I suppose ... maybe decisions about your destiny, your cutie mark, I mean, of course, but only as long as it’s nothing outright foolish.” Rarity stipulated.
Sweetie Belle looked hopefully at Rarity until she finished the statement. “What would you say counts as, ‘outright foolish?’” Sweetie asked.
Rarity’s curiosity was now getting the better of her.
“Really! Why don’t you just tell me what decision you mean?! I promise I won’t get angry.”
Sweetie’s lips were sealed tight about the details, but she persisted. “Not now, Sis. Soon, maybe, but, for now, could you just answer the question? Please?” she added, trying to be polite.
Rarity sighed vocally, dramatically, but knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere without invading the filly’s privacy.
“Well, there are many foolish things, like trying to fly without wings, climbing a dangerous mountain without safety equipment, taming a full grown manticore, or just about anything that you really can’t do on your own without getting hurt or worse.”
This could go on all night, Sweetie thought and sighed. Again, she pondered quietly while Rarity brought her own dishes to the sink.
“Sis, do you think I’m old enough to know what’s dangerous and what’s not, and when to ask for help?” Sweetie Belle asked, hoping she might get some reassurance.
Rarity looked back from the sink where she began to wash dishes with a concerned look. “Sweetie, Darling, you’re starting to worry me.”
Sweetie said nothing, but waited expectantly for an answer.
“I suppose ... well, maybe you are,” Rarity half-allowed, “but if you have any doubt about whether it’s dangerous or not, then I think you should at least ask.”
Sweetie chewed and swallowed a few pieces of asparagus thoughtfully.
“Ask somepony responsible, who you would trust, right?” Sweetie inquired.
“Well, yes, but, also ask me or mother or father, at least one of us. We care about you very much. Who better to ask?” Rarity countered.
“Hmm.” Sweetie ate her fill and cleared her place at the table silently. “Sis,” Sweetie looked up at her sister next to her with a soft smile.
Rarity looked down attentively with a, “Hmm?”
“Thanks.” Sweetie nuzzled the generous pony warmly. Rarity gladly returned the gesture.
Author's Note
Last revised 4 February 2015
Original Note:
Reference used: http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/female-sex-offenders.html Firefly by Piers Anthony
Edit (6/25/14) : Thanks to Setokaiva for proofreading.
My Love, Sweetie Belle,
We’ve only been apart for a day, but every hour I’m not with you is an hour I’m not able to see your beautiful smile, look into your beautiful eyes, and confess how deeply in love with you I've fallen. Thank Celestia, at least I can bear my heart to you here. I only hope that quill and ink can tell you a hundredth part of what I feel.
I think about your lips, your warmth, the feel of your hooves on my face, the scent of your mane, and I wish more than anything that we could be together again now as we were before. The magic of your singing brought me so much needed peace and happiness. With you I'd sing a duet across eternity to mend all broken hearts and make the heavens weep for joy.
Maybe I'm being dramatic, but if not for you, then I'd have never truly understood what good drama serves. Without your love I might never have understood many great things, not the least of which is the truth that, lofty or mundane, a simple letter falls terribly short of expressing just how much, how genuinely, I care about you.
From the first time our paths crossed, years ago, I've admired your kindness, your humility, and your purehearted eagerness to give freely to others. Your innocence hasn't faded with disappointment or hurt as others' has. As I've watched you face the trials of growing up, quietly from the sidelines, I've seen your selflessness endure. To accept sorrow and pain but never stop giving of oneself, I've learned, is a gift and burden that ponies rarely bear as gracefully as you.
I love your enthusiasm for life, your love of your family and friends, and the joy I see in you for the sweet and simple things. I'm moved deeply by your passion for me above all other ponies. Words can't tell you how deeply honored I am to call you, Sweetie Belle, my special somepony. I love you with all of my heart and promise that I'll do everything in my power to be worthy of the love you've given me.
...
Across Fluttershy's table lay strewn several sheets of paper; a number of crumpled balls filled her little woven waste basket. It was much too warm for a fire this time of year, she thought, which meant she’d be soaking and pulping the scraps, just in case. Fluttershy had managed to find the formula she’d used as a filly that would render the fiber in common paper more translucent where she wrote after drying. Wanting Sweetie’s first love note to be as perfect as she could manage, the little yellow pegasus had drafted multiple versions, first in regular ink. Now, with the clear ink, she drafted the final version, signed, “With undying love, Your Sunshine ,” and added a page of instructions and reminders, still in secret ink, about how Sweetie should mix and test her own ink to send a reply.
There were a hundred things that could go wrong, Fluttershy realized, and she attempted to caution the filly of the more likely mistakes.
“No need to rush. Let our love be patient, Sweetheart, and it will be that much sweeter in the end. Still, the more often I hear from you, the easier it will be to wait, even if it’s just a note to say you love me, sweet and simple. If you want to keep this note, as I’m guessing you will, place it where it won’t be taken and used, but if it gets lost or written over, don’t worry. I’ve written a copy of my own, in case, and I have a permanent copy in my heart for you, if all else fails. ”
She’d thought to add hearts in the same invisible ink, and, after practicing on several scraps, she dampened her own lips and left the clear imprint of a kiss. The ink being only lemon juice and water, it was the perfect solution to their need for secret communication, leaving no mess.
Later, as Sweetie read and blushed furiously, holding each sheet carefully over the light of her desk lamp, she swooned and sighed. It felt just like a fairy tale, excitement on so many levels and romance to spare.
After testing her own ink on the edges of school assignments that she no longer needed (and now was glad not to have immediately thrown away) as patiently as she could, she penned, “I love you my Sunshine. More to come at sunset. Forever yours, Your Sweetheart. ” With a flourish, Sweetie surrounded the simple message with a heart and attempted to leave her own kiss. It ended up a bit messy, she thought. Labeling next to the smudge, “kiss ,” would have to do, and she’d get it right on her next note.
Fluttershy leaving Sweetie Belle a note had been the easy part. Sweetie lived near numerous places Fluttershy could stash a scroll or folded sheets, and the filly could check often without being conspicuous. However, unless Fluttershy were, herself, to be conspicuous, spending a lot of time traveling the distance from her cottage to town, letters from Sweetie had fewer places to be hidden for Fluttershy, not to mention the problem of keeping their distance per the rules. To leave a note anyplace very far from where its recipient spent much time risked a significantly higher chance of being discovered by some third party for the fact that the messages might go unretrieved much longer.
Fluttershy considered using messenger birds, but even her most trustworthy feathered friends might make a mistake or be intercepted by a curious pegasus (as uncommon as it was to see a bird with a scroll attached to its leg). If and when somepony found a note in such a scenario, it might not be too difficult to guess that Fluttershy was somehow involved, and, if the interceptor had a mind, it wouldn’t be too difficult, either, to decipher that a seemingly blank note, being delivered someplace, might not actually be blank after all. As soon as they held the note up to the sun or over a candle, it could mean instant scandal. A messenger ferret or any other animal posed similar problems. Their compromise had been for Sweetie to mention a time, about which Fluttershy could expect to find a new note, and hide the note in whichever of the locations near the boutique that came next according to an agreed rotation, unless otherwise noted. Sweetie’s first response was the only one that Fluttershy wouldn’t have a clue when to expect, the more reason to keep it simple and avoid names.
Ponyville wasn’t the type of place that the average citizen kept watch for ponies surreptitiously leaving invisible love notes in various places. There was, however, the nosy neighbor, the watchful pegasus, and the inconveniently curious passerby, not to mention a particular pink pony who had many of the nooks and crannies in town, even inside other ponies’ homes, already occupied with rubber balls, eyepatches, and various other random things in case of exigent need. Fortunately for the clandestine couple, Fluttershy knew several mouse homes, their entrances too small for most hooves, unnoticed by most, and guarded by rodent friends who willingly did Fluttershy the favor of pushing out the notes on command—a simple pair of knocks and a peanut, a piece of apple, cheese, or bread. Fluttershy didn’t have to rely on knocking, of course, while she could simply ask or bring a mouse friend along to visit its cousins, which she would do as often as possible just because it seemed like a good idea in case she were unexpectedly seen and imitated by a clever spy.
For Fluttershy, their level of secrecy was well-practiced if a little tedious. For Sweetie it was a little scary. Overall, though, it felt like a game to them, heightened their excitement, and made each eager to leave their next note sooner.
Dearest Fluttershy,
I'm so happy to have your beautiful words to read now whenever I miss you. They could never compare to your beauty though. I miss you and love you. I think about you all the time. Even though it's fun to pass each other notes this way I can hardly wait until we're able to talk again face to face.
Kissing you is the buttercream frosting on my slice of carrot cake. Spending time with you is the happyness I feel opening presents on Hearth's Warming Eve. Looking into your eyes is like seeing into sparkling pools of the clerest water, quenching my thirst forever. You're the kindest pony I've ever known and the only one worthy of the eternal love which I give you.
If your letter was dramatic then think I like dramatic a lot. I'll sing that duet with you with all of my heart. I'll be working on the lyrics to our song in my spair time. I'll just need you to be pacient with me while I learn not to get stage frite fright. I don't think that's how I'm supposed to spell “pacient.” I hope you'll forgive me for all the mistakes. Despite what Scootaloo thinks I'm not a dictionary, and I sometimes don't find the words I need in the one here next to me. I'm lucky to have such a kind and understanding special somepony.
I never told you, but I kept the orange daisy you gave me. I loved the flowers you gave me so much and have been inspi ured to study up on them. I reely want to be a good wife for you some day soon, I hope. So I'm trying to learn as much as I can about nature and also about .... you know what. ♥ The gift I want to give most in the world is myself to make you happy, only when we're ready, and I want to help you c uontinu to be the best pony you can. I know you'll do the same for me because I see it in your eyes when you look at me with so much love and effecsh affection. I'm the luckyest filly in Equestria to have somepony so special who even thinks I'm beautiful without even a cutie mark.
I might be little, but I'll do everything in my power to prove I'm ready for all of you so that you don't have to be afraid to love me with everything a grown mare has. Please never be ashamed of our love.
I love you with my eternal soul, my sweet Fluttershy.
Forever and ever yours,
Sweetie Belle
P.S. I'll check for your letter as often as I can, and I'll leave another letter tomorrow at the same time.
Red-faced, Fluttershy kissed the spot where the little filly left the mark of her lips, as she had the first note, and proceeded to take advantage of Angel's proportionately large ears to gush about her newest treasure. He promptly tuned her out, but accepted his owner's soft petting, regardless. Something about “so adorable,” and stammering about “everything a grown mare,” yadda yadda. She was happy. That was all that mattered ... that and that his ears got scratched right then, and they did. All was well with the world.
After rereading the letter several times, Fluttershy felt the need to go take a cold shower. Predictably, the thoughts that filled her mind wouldn't leave her, and she quickly felt the heat return. It was intense enough to warrant a second shower, but, by the time she finished, the efficacy of the cool water began to wear off, and she fretted.
She shouldn't write a letter right now, she thought. It would be too tempting to ... She stopped the thought and turned her focus, however broken, to her chores.
Several mistaken attempts at serving the right dinner to the right critters later, Fluttershy gave up trying and put everything as neatly as she could in the front yard for each of her confused and frustrated animals to retrieve themselves. They understood well enough, by her scent and her fidgeting, the reason for her distraction, and each quickly forgave the profusely apologetic pony. Thereafter, she was left to sit, fidgeting still, fantasies stealing her focus more and more despite any effort to calm herself.
Trembling, not for the first time, at the effort of holding back her desire, Fluttershy worried over what to do. If she went to Twilight's now, how weak would she appear, and after spending the night only two days ago? Weakness generally didn't bother Fluttershy so much. She was used to being considered weak, at least physically, socially, even somewhat mentally, but the feeling she got from confessing sexual weakness was different, made her feel repulsive each time she had to admit she wanted something so taboo so badly that she needed to be watched over. Fortunately, she had a plan to keep abstinent. She'd hold to it, she decided, though it likely meant she wouldn't be able to write a full response tonight. Hopefully Sweetie wouldn't be disappointed with a shorter letter, she thought.
Fluttershy prayed for strength and wrote, “Your letter makes me so happy, I can't describe my feelings right now. I'll leave you my full response tomorrow at midday. You complete me, Sweetheart, ” and signed, “Passionately yours, Fluttershy. ” As on every note they sent or would send after the precedent of her first letter, she left a kiss. Fluttershy left the note not long after dinner, hoping that Sweetie might still find it before bed. She returned home, and, in the area surrounding her cottage, the little pony threw herself into the most rigorous workout she could remember since training to lift water up to Cloudsdale.
Thoughts of Twilight's and Rarity's romantic prospects, of the acceptance she missed throughout her own foalhood, of a hundred bitter-sweet moments spent scrambling to fill that void with animalistic sexual pleasure or forbidden romantic fantasy, thoughts of every lurid thing she wanted to do with foals, especially with her own foal, memories of the feeling of the small unicorn's tongue firmly massaging between her stifles, of the passion and urgency of their kissing during their date, of each humiliating disappointing confession she'd had to make to her closest friend, and, finally, almost panicked thoughts of what humiliation and pain she knew would come very soon with the group's confession to yet another friend, the loneliness, desire, regret, fear, sorrow, agony, and, hidden beneath it all, that enraging elusive hope that drove her, through so much pain, to keep trying to find acceptance—everything she'd normally have to suppress through frantic escapism or sex, she felt, thought, and recalled with sweat instead of tears as she pushed her body to its limit and then a little bit past, wanting neither water nor rest until the sun had set and, trembling, she finally pushed herself up the stairs to her bedroom, climbed into bed, too exhausted to think about showering again, and collapsed on top of her covers.
Though the strain she'd put on herself hadn't been planned and she doubted she'd be able to make a repeat performance soon—she anticipated feeling sore in the morning—Fluttershy learned a wonderful new use for Twilight's recommended exercise.
She remembered none of her dreams that night.
Rarity and Fluttershy set to work quickly the afternoon the following day. With so much to do, and Rarity, as always, so generous with her time and effort to help with the festivities, there had barely been a hurried, “Fluttershy, Darling! Hello!” before she had expressed her relief at the pegasus's arrival and willing assistance, sending her to and fro across the boutique and on errands to communicate with this pony or that about the celebration décor.
Fluttershy was relieved she wouldn't have much chance to socialize with her love's older sibling, at least until the end of the day. Come dinner time, as Fluttershy anticipated, Rarity invited her to stay and join her and Sweetie Belle.
“Oh, I wouldn't want to be a bother.”
“Don't be silly, Darling, you're anything but a bother. After all the help you've given me today it's the least I can do.”
“You don't have to feel obligated, really,” Fluttershy smiled, trying to hide the reluctance she felt, despite missing any recent quality time with her fashion forward friend.
Rarity, fortunately or unfortunately—Fluttershy couldn't decide—was too used to Fluttershy's politeness. “Not obligated, certainly not. I absolutely insist you stay with us, at least for supper.”
Fluttershy conceded defeat.
At the dinner table, Fluttershy sat somewhat nervously while Rarity, who insisted again that she take care of dinner alone, talked with her, asking about the latest goings-on about the cottage since they'd returned from the Crystal Empire. Fluttershy had enough to comment on about her usual work to satisfy Rarity. The prim unicorn sympathized as always, and, as always, offered to help in any way she could with the losses and challenges of critter care-giving. It was outside of Rarity's scope, really, to do much, of course.
“Just you listening and being there is all I can really ask. Thank you, Rarity,” Fluttershy stated sincerely.
Announcing her arrival from the next room, Sweetie Belle arrived from her final chore that evening. Luck was in the couple's favor as she entered the kitchen while her sister's back was turned, otherwise the foal's initial surprise at seeing her now-fillyfriend at the table might have given something away.
After a casual hello, Fluttershy checked that Rarity was still occupied before melting a little at the sight of her sweetheart. She glowed at Sweetie Belle softly, and Sweetie Belle blushed and smiled back at her. Sweetie Belle stammered a timid hello back.
“Sweetie, Darling? Did everything go alright with Pinkie Pie?” Rarity misinterpreted the reason for the foal's tone.
“Hmm? O-oh, yes. It was alright. The fireworks are all ready to go for tomorrow night.”
Rarity looked back, a little confused at the hesitation in the little belle's response, but both ponies managed to appear and act normal from then until the end of dinner ... mostly. Sweetie Belle avoided eye contact with Fluttershy and seemed a bit off, as usual, though in a slightly different way than she'd been previously that week, Rarity thought.
When all three had finished eating and Rarity had finished going on about her latest ideas for her Summer fashion line, Sweetie Belle offered to help with dishes, as usual. “Actually, Dear, would you mind if I had a chat alone with Fluttershy? You wouldn't mind drying with me while we chat a bit longer, would you, Fluttershy, Darling?”
Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle looked at each other for just a moment, straight-faced. “No. Of course not.” “Uh-uh.” They answered together.
“I'll just be up in my room then,” Sweetie Belle added before exiting the kitchen toward the staircase.
Fluttershy joined Rarity at her side silently and took a drying towel in one hoof. Ordinarily she'd have asked what was on her friend's mind, but her nerves prevented her.
Rarity peeked back to see that Sweetie was gone before speaking. “I was wondering ... might I ask,” Rarity started uncertainly, “last week you and Sweetie spent the day together, and, I can't say exactly when it started, but, ever since then, it seems, she's been acting rather peculiar.”
“P-peculiar?” Fluttershy responded, managing to reign back her anxiety, but not completely.
“Indeed. And, well, I wanted to ask you whether you might know any particular reason for it?” Rarity inquired.
Fluttershy was silent for a moment before she forced herself to respond.
“W-well, I ... I guess, maybe—I mean, maybe the best pony to ask might be, um ... her?” Fluttershy evaded.
“I'm afraid I already have, Darling, with no luck. I could press her for it. The thought has crossed my mind, but then what kind of sister would I be, involving myself in her affairs unwanted?” Rarity heaved a sigh, handing the next dish to Fluttershy who, for the use of her forehooves to dry, rested on her haunches quietly next to her.
“I just wish she trusted me enough to say what's bothering her ... like she always has—up until now, anyway.” She passed a few pieces of silverware. “And to make matters worse, recently, when I asked her what was happening, not only did she put off telling me anything, clearly admitting there actually was something, she even went as far as to mention, or at least, act as though, it was something rather important and ... potentially dangerous!” Rarity attempted to keep her voice down, but the drama in her still animated her.
“Oh, my!” was all Fluttershy could bring herself to say in response, at first.
When Rarity looked to the pegasus, begging for advice, she thought quietly for a moment before answering.
“Well ... one thing I know for certain: Sweetie Belle loves you, and she really does trust you. I'm positive, if you give her a little more time, maybe a few more days,” she added, “everything will become clear.”
Fluttershy took the last of the clean wet dishes to dry.
“You really think so?” Rarity looked like she wanted to believe her friend, but struggled to.
“I know so,” Fluttershy forced her anxiety back to give the unicorn a smile, and Rarity took her word and seemed comforted. Fluttershy felt herself torn between whether or not to continue or change the topic. “I mean, what's the worst that could be the matter if Sweetie hasn't already confided in the sister she adores so much?” Fluttershy dared to ask, wanting to know what she suspected, if anything.
Rarity was again troubled. “That's just it. I haven't the slightest clue what might be the matter, or else, maybe ... well, I wouldn't have to worry so much. For all I know, it could be anything from some scheme gone wrong to get her cutie mark to a bad deal she made with a shady character. What if ... what if somepony might be using her?!” Rarity turned and raised her hoof dramatically. “Oh, my sister!” she exclaimed, much softer than usual for not actually wanting to draw her little sister's attention.
Before she could launch into her woe is me routine, Fluttershy interrupted. “Rarity,” Fluttershy let her worry show, though not for the reason Rarity assumed, “What would you do if somepony were doing something like ... well, not using her, necessarily, but leading her into something dangerous, that could hurt her?”
Tears glistened at the corners of Rarity's eyes as her raised hoof went instead to her chest to press and hold back the woe. Rarity visibly fretted. “Well ... I'd try and stop it. I suppose that's obvious, though. Isn't it?”
“But,” Fluttershy objected, “um ... it sounds like, maybe she, Sweetie, doesn't want it to stop. Would that matter?”
Rarity noted and thought it a little odd that Fluttershy's hypotheticals were becoming almost as specific as Sweetie's had been. “Well, of course it matters, but ...” Suddenly, Rarity recalled her sister's question, “Sis, do you think I’m old enough to know what’s dangerous and what’s not, and when to ask for help?”
“... but I'm frightened for her. You understand, don't you?” Rarity finished, her lower lip trembling slightly.
Fluttershy rested a hoof on Rarity's shoulder. “I do. Completely.” The two embraced. “I'll be here, no matter what happens, to offer whatever help I can, for both of you, that is ... as long as either of you want me to be,” Fluttershy assured.
Rarity squeezed the kind mare more firmly. “Why ever would I not want you by our side, Darling?”
Author's Note
Last revised 5 February 2015
Original Note:
Sources used:http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/ancient/macfarlane-papyri.html http://aurek-skyclimber.deviantart.com/art/Map-of-Ponyville-Labeled-v3-2-215925777 http://wp-blogs.moundsparkacademy.org/adatchison/2012/02/day-49-writing-a-love-letter/
Edit (7/16/14) : Thanks again to Setokaiva for proofreading.
The Summer Sun Celebration came and went as eventfully as any ever had, contrary to Sweetie and Fluttershy's predictions.
Fluttershy and each of her friends had been shocked to lose the Elements of Harmony. Both Fluttershy and Twilight had taken for granted that the Elements would be there to help their bond with Rarity remain strong through the trial ahead. Now, however, in spite of their determination to remain close as friends, as the time for their talk approached and their nerves got the better of them, both mares wished they still had the binding power of the Elements between them. The date had been set, and they held to their plan, regardless. When Rarity came by to discuss Twilight's loft décor, Twilight would take the opportunity after they'd finished to invite her friend to tea and, hopefully, prepare the mare before all three came out with it.
Twilight and Rarity started with the usual pleasantries.
“I'm just glad the celebration and everything to do with plunder seeds is finished.” Twilight said, clearly relieved, yet, it seemed to Rarity, still oddly anxious.
The off-white unicorn agreed emphatically. “I suppose now we'll be busy trying to find out what's inside of that mysterious box the Tree of Harmony sprouted,” Rarity suggested.
“That does seem to be about it. Other than that and preparing for the Equestria Games, it looks like I actually might have more free time than I did before Princess Celestia concluded my studies beneath her, though I imagine that can't last long with my incoming royal duties ... whatever those will be,” the young princess pondered.
“Certainly, Darling! And we'll be right here for you, like always, to do our part as your friends,” Rarity beamed.
Twilight smiled anxiously, sipping at her tea, and took a deep, calming breath before continuing. “There's something else as well,” she started seriously, piquing Rarity's curiosity, “just as important, I think, though, well, not quite as ... public. I mean,” Twilight took another steadying breath, “I have something very important I've needed to discuss with you and ... this is going to be difficult. I'm not quite sure how to say it.”
Rarity's eyes became wide as she finished sipping at her own cup telekinetically then placed it down. “Whatever it is, Darling, you can tell me. You know you can trust me.” Rarity grimaced in spite of her effort to reassure Twilight, remembering her unsuccessful attempt to convince Sweetie to do the same.
“Yes. I know. You really are a true friend, and that's why we want to tell you, but, what we have to say may still upset you. Please, try to hear us out, wait until we've finished explaining before you make any final decision, is all I ask,” Twilight pleaded.
“We? Who is we?” Rarity looked confused and surprised.
“Please, hold on a minute. Don't move, and I'll go get them.”
“Very well.” Rarity nodded, now very curious.
In the main library, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle had met and embraced with simple hellos. Though eager to be with each other, the ache as they kept their distance seemed more manageable thanks to the many words of love and affirmation they'd exchanged over the past several days. Now that the moment had come to share their secret with another, however, the memory of that sweetness was a bit faded.
At their normal spot, they rested and waited for Twilight to call for them.
“So,” Sweetie broke the silence, “are you as nervous as I am?” She laughed anxiously.
Fluttershy attempted a smile, her mouth twitching, but failing to sustain any mirth. Her eyes shifted from the foal to the room, unfocused, and she nodded silently.
An awkward silence fell between them.
“Thank goodness the forest is back to normal. You and the others are heroines again. ... Isn't that the,” Sweetie paused to count, “seventh time for you?”
Fluttershy tried to think of how the foal might have arrived at that number. “S-seventh?”
Sweetie nodded. “I was thinking, last Summer Sun Celebration, when the giant dragon was napping, when Discord escaped, the time you saved Spike and Rarity falling after Spike stopped being big, the wedding at Canterlot, the time Trixie came back to Ponyville, and, now, this year's celebration. ... Oh! And the time you saved me and the others from the cockatrice, of course. So that's eight!”
Fluttershy couldn't help but blush and smile at her admirer despite her nerves, flattered that Sweetie had kept track. It felt good knowing Sweetie thought so highly of her. “Oh, I see. Well, I don't know how much I really helped at the wedding, and, most of the other times, I couldn't have done anything alone,” Fluttershy admitted modestly.
“But they couldn't have done it without you either, so those times still count, even if the wedding doesn't,” Sweetie insisted, then paused before looking down, blushing at the embarrassingly mushy sentiment, and adding, “a-and ... you saved my heart from being lonely.” Her eyes shifted up, her muzzle still downturned, to see Fluttershy turn a deeper shade of pink. “So that's still eight.” Sweetie smiled adorably, happy to see she'd managed to help her fillyfriend relax a little.
Their conversation only lasted a little bit longer before Twilight appeared from her loft, and Fluttershy felt her anxiety return, greater than before.
Only a few minutes had passed since Twilight left to fetch the others and review their planned explanation briefly. Hearing their approach, Rarity looked as Sweetie Belle appeared at the top of the steps, followed closely by Twilight.
“Sweetie?” For a moment, Rarity looked and sounded even more surprised than she'd been at Twilight's request to hear her out. As it dawned on her that she must be about to learn what her sister had been keeping from her, understanding and deep interest trumped her surprise.
The foal's ears folded back involuntarily. “Hi, Sis.” Sweetie approached the table that Twilight had summoned, not only for tea, but for that meeting.
Twilight waited at the top of the stairs as, slowly, behind them, Fluttershy followed. “Fluttershy?” Rather than surprised, Rarity's tone and expression were perplexed.
The yellow mare said nothing, but appeared more stressed than Rarity had seen her in quite some time, which, Rarity thought, was saying something. Fluttershy looked steadfastly at the floor, pupils small, legs weak and trembling slightly as she walked.
“W-what is this about, exactly?” Rarity felt her own nerves on end at her friends' behavior.
The three took a seat with Rarity, Twilight sitting across, Sweetie on Rarity's right, and Fluttershy on her left across from Sweetie Belle.
“What we have to tell you, we won't stop you from telling others, but we hope that you'll keep it a secret if possible,” Twilight looked deliberately at Fluttershy, “for all our sakes. I'm going to put up a shield to protect from eavesdroppers if that's okay with you,” Twilight directed her gaze again at Rarity.
The white mare nodded, both worried and confused. A moment later, Twilight had cast the familiar set of spells, and Rarity observed the shield, reminiscent of the dome that had once been around Canterlot. Closing her eyes, inhaling, then exhaling, Twilight gave herself one last moment to calm and collect her thoughts.
“Two weeks ago, at the Princess Summit in the Crystal Empire, I noticed, there seemed to be something bothering Fluttershy,” Twilight began. “I didn't know it at the time, but what was bothering her was something she'd struggled with secretly ever since she was very little, something she's hidden, and hidden well, from everypony, even her closest friends.” Twilight paused to see Rarity's eyes widen again. “My first clue to what it was was back when the six of us were talking about me and Flash Sentry. I saw Fluttershy look unhappy from the corner of my eye. It was only for a second at first, but, as I kept my eye on her discreetly to make sure, I was surprised to see it again, repeatedly, throughout our conversation. Naturally, as soon as I had some spare time, the day after we'd come back to Ponyville, I paid her a visit to check on her.”
Twilight looked to Fluttershy who looked up from the table, back at Twilight, and nodded. Reluctantly, she turned her focus to Rarity and swallowed.
“I-it was the day after Sweetie Belle and you had an argument,” Fluttershy's voice was weaker and softer than usual, though still easily heard across the table in the unnatural quiet of the shielded room. “I was expecting S—Sweetie Belle to come by early, as you knew, and was surprised when Twilight, instead, was the one at the door knocking. We ... got to talking about what had been bothering me. U-usually, it wasn't that bad, well,” Fluttershy corrected, “I mean it didn't usually bother me so much ... usually. Partly, I was ... feeling lonely, but, the other part, th-the main part, I couldn't bring myself to tell Twilight. Still ... I wanted help. I c—cried, and Twilight and I agreed that if I needed to come to her, then I should do it as quickly as possible, for whatever reason.”
Fluttershy swallowed and inhaled shortly, letting out a distressed half-breath. “I should have gone to Twilight much sooner, I ... I was such a fool.” Fluttershy cringed and, looking into Rarity's eyes, her own welled up with tears. “No matter what my intentions were. I shouldn't have risked ... s-sorr—” she choked and struggled to finish.
Rarity reached out to her, troubled, wanting to help.
“It's alright,” Sweetie Belle spoke up before Rarity could, comforting Fluttershy. “It was my fault equally,” she spoke boldly to the room, then prepared herself and faced her sister. “Fluttershy told me ... she loves me ... and I decided that I love her back.”
The room was still for a moment.
“Y-you mean—” Rarity started, wide-eyed, brow furrowed with concern.
“In love, I mean.” Sweetie paused a moment, and her bold demeanor wavered. “We ... had sex once, sort of.”
Rarity's eyes popped. Her jaw dropped involuntarily for a moment. “A-ah—y-you w—” Rarity halted, unable to speak coherently. The elegant pony shut her mouth. Her eyelids fluttered several times in succession while her friends held their breath for her response. Blinking wasn't enough to save her eyes from the discomfort of being forced wide with astonishment, so the mare forced them shut. Her jaw clenched and brow furrowed once more.
“You—” her voice trembled slightly “—you aren't joking, are you?” her tone was threatening.
The three ponies looked worriedly at each other and back at Rarity. “No,” Sweetie answered.
“What,” Rarity's tone was sharp now, “do you mean by 'sort-of h—had sex?'”
Sweetie Belle gulped and her ears folded. “W-well ... I—Fluttershy and I finished working outside after she confessed and I accepted and everything ... and we finished lunch a-and started ... k-kissing, but, when we started to get into it, we stopped, and then—”
“Please, ” Rarity finally managed to open her eyes and look irritatedly at Sweetie Belle, “get to the point .”
“She was napping,” Sweetie quickly obliged, “and I was resting on top of her, and ... I went between her back legs, and,” Sweetie's eyes watered, her expression guilty, “I did some things b-because I was curious, and—” her voice quavered meekly, and she sniffled “—and I, well ... it felt good just ... doing things.”
Rarity ground her teeth and looked at Fluttershy, whose attention was turned wholly toward Sweetie Belle, her expression agonized. “Y-you— ” her voice shook “—you didn't wake up and stop her?” Rarity inquired abruptly.
Fluttershy startled at being addressed suddenly, but recovered, and, swallowing, answered as bravely as she could manage, though her voice still shook. “I woke up w-when sh—she started touching, but ... no. I didn't s—stop her.”
“Why—not? ” Rarity hurled each word like a well-aimed dagger.
Fluttershy cowered, her eyes glistened, and, looking across from her momentarily, seeing Sweetie Belle watch her in such a weak and wretched state, the pegasus felt humiliation deeper than any she could remember. Some heroine she was, thought Fluttershy. Tears welled. She tried to answer, to be brave, but it was useless. Instead, the pitiful mare hid her face and broke down in soft, high-pitched wails.
Rarity's expression turned for a moment from angered to pained at the yellow pony's despair. Not able to bear feeling both disgust and sympathy at the moment, Rarity turned away toward Sweetie Belle, and, when seeing her sister's agony at the sick mare's plight proved not much better, Rarity stood, turned both herself and her chair about, and sat with her back to the three ponies.
Sweetie started to rise to her hooves, but Twilight bade her stay. Instead, the princess herself went to Fluttershy's side, wrapped the little pegasus in her forelegs, and stroked her back soothingly. Twilight wished she could promise it would be alright. The best she could do instead was to summon a tidy stack of handkerchiefs to the table and softly promise, “I'm here.”
A minute later, Fluttershy wept still, but more softly, and Twilight still held her. Sweetie shifted uncomfortably, unable to sit without fidgeting. Rarity fumed silently except for the sound of heavy breathing, giving her all to establish and maintain a controlled exterior. When Rarity had calmed herself somewhat and heard Fluttershy's sobbing cease, she stood and turned back to face the others. One deep but tense breath later, she looked again directly at the cradled pegasus.
“I have many questions,” Rarity began, “and I'm willing to make the time to hear the answers.” Rarity's expression softened very slightly as Fluttershy dared to look back at her. “Please,” her tone was much softer than her eyes, sounded more hurt than angry, “help me understand.”
Fluttershy looked anxiously at Rarity and nodded. She turned to Twilight as the purple pony released her and stepped back. With a small smile she thanked her and apologized. “I've caused everypony so much trouble.”
Sweetie Belle bit her tongue against telling her she'd been more than worth it.
“I'll do my best to answer your questions, Rarity. Thank you,” Fluttershy's gratitude was heartfelt, “for giving me ... I mean us, a chance to explain. Twilight's been helping me ... ever since that day, to come to terms with my ... my problems. You see, when my head had finally cleared, I went to her as fast as I could, and ... I told her everything that happened, and, just when she was about to go check on Sweetie Belle ...”
“Just a second, please,” Rarity interrupted, her tone polite but cool, and looked at Twilight who'd returned to her seat. “You knew about all of this ... two weeks ago?” Rarity's voice was even, but the accusation was crystal clear.
Twilight swallowed, and her ears laid flat against her head. “Yes.” The princess made no excuses.
Rarity nodded coolly. “Continue, please,” she requested to the mare on her left.
“I-it's really not Twilight's fault we waited 'til now to tell you, Rarity,” Fluttershy attempted to excuse her. “I—I mean ... it was me who made her promise, no, swear, not to tell anypony. I'm sorry, really . I was—even though it's no excuse, I was just so afraid,” Fluttershy pleaded for Rarity to understand.
“It was Fluttershy,” Twilight interjected, “who not only wanted it kept secret, but also, when she'd come to grips with her situation a bit better, wanted to let you in on the secret.” She attempted to shed a more favorable light on the pegasus.
“Y-yes,” Fluttershy admitted, looking at Twilight then back at Rarity, “but I'd have been lost, never come to that point, without Twilight.”
A moment passed as Rarity silently contemplated everything. Twilight couldn't disagree, though she wished Fluttershy might have let her draw away some of their friend's anger.
“Fine,” was all that left Rarity's mouth, emotionless. Partially lidded, almost apathetic eyes, concealed what the guilty pegasus feared must be dangerous thoughts beneath. Rarity's gaze pierced her, waiting for her to continue.
“Mm—” Fluttershy shuddered and swallowed. “So ... Sweetie came as Twilight was about to leave and, we convinced Twilight and promised that, if she'd h-help us, we wouldn't risk spending any more time together alone ... w-without her ... until we could be certain it would be ... alright.”
Rarity's gaze pierced Twilight suddenly with renewed intensity.
“Please, explain how—” Rarity paused to swallow her reaction “—what ... 'alright' means.”
“O-old enough—” Twilight said nervously, wanting to appease Rarity. There was no seeing past the facade she'd constructed for herself to tell whether it worked “—or,” Twilight continued even more nervously, “prepared fully, and, if at all possible, with both your parents' and Celestia's blessings.”
Rarity was silent for several long moments, considering.
“Prepared?” Rarity's tone became cautious.
“Educated a-a-and,” Twilight's nerves began to get the better of her. She took a calming breath. “Educated ... thoroughly ... and, with supervision, given limited experience, guided to know safe and respectful ... i-intimacy.”
Rarity's eyes widened once more in spite of previous efforts to contain herself. She coughed and shut her eyes for a moment, regaining control.
The silence of the next minute felt thick. Sweetie Belle opened her mouth a number of times, wanting to say anything to break the tension, but too afraid to let it out. Each failed attempt, she thought, was just as well. It wasn't her time to speak. Stick to the plan, she thought. Twilight focused feverishly on what to do in every likely situation that could arise until she began compulsively to branch out into the un likely. Fluttershy managed only short slow breaths, and was quickly beginning to feel lightheaded.
Rarity opened her eyes. Her brow furrowed sternly, and she inhaled deeply. “Alright.”
For a few seconds, nopony breathed.
“Alright?” Twilight inquired.
Fluttershy began to swoon. “First,” Rarity responded, “tell her to breathe.” Rarity gestured to the mare on her left whose eyelids now drooped, her gaze losing focus.
Twilight's attention turned toward Fluttershy. “Flu?—Oh! Fluttershy! Breathe! ”
The pegasus inhaled sharply, sounding as though she'd been under water for too long. She nearly fell off her seat, but caught herself by the edge of the table and proceeded to gulp air for several seconds until her head finally cleared. When she'd settled again, Rarity continued.
“I was saying, alright. I won't tell anypony.”
The three ponies let out a great collective sigh.
“What's done,” Rarity choked back her disgust, “is done. I insist, however, that Sweetie Belle and ... Fluttershy,” she forced out the pony's name, “not be near each other until I ,” the unicorn's chin raised, “am satisfied that it is 'alright.'” She nearly spat the last word at Twilight. “Understand?”
To Rarity's surprise, neither Fluttershy nor Twilight said anything, but looked to Sweetie Belle. The foal cleared her voice. “I wrote something that I'd like to share now, with you, Rarity.” Sweetie looked at her sister, waiting for a sign to continue.
The older sister looked skeptical. “Sweetie Belle ...” Rarity started. There were at least a dozen things she wanted to say. She wanted to caution her; there were, she thought, no words that could change her mind on what she'd just said. She wanted to soothe the foal, let her know that they'd get through this. She wished she could scold the filly for protecting the sick pony who had used her. Rarity wanted to instruct her, clear her mind of whatever false information she'd been fed, to heal and take care of her. She wanted the filly to know she loved her, even if she had made a poor decision, getting caught up in such a horrific situation. “You wrote this without any help?” Rarity asked.
Sweetie shook her head, but didn't elaborate.
“Go ahead.” There would be time later, Rarity decided. Now, it seemed, she should honor the request to listen. Though the outlook was bleak, the generous mare hoped that what they might say could still take away some of the sting of betrayal, of fear she felt. She'd only scratched the surface of what she wanted to know, in any case, so she might as well receive the message.
Sweetie withdrew several sheets of lined paper.
“Dear Sister,” Sweetie read.
“I'm writing this now with the help of two ponies who respect and love you almost as much as I do. This comes from all of us, but, more than anypony else, it comes from me.” Sweetie looked up earnestly at Rarity for a moment before continuing. “Our bond as sisters is very important to me, so, when I say that, as your sister, I need your support, I worry that, if you can't support me, I'll be very hurt.”
“I know that you must feel hurt already. This last week, you tried to help me with what I was going through, but I didn't trust you enough to say what it was.” Sweetie looked up with tears in her eyes. “I'm sorry, Sis.”
Rarity looked back with a quivering lip and shimmering eyes. For a moment they locked onto each other's gaze. Sweetie took a breath before turning her attention back to the paper and pressing forward.
“I hope you can forgive each of us, especially Fluttershy. She says that fear was no excuse to treat you like she did, going behind your back to be with me. She wishes she could tell you this herself, but thinks that, in the moment, it will be too hard.” Sweetie paused, giving them a moment.
Rarity looked angrily at the table and her eyes glistened more. Against her impulses she looked up at the pegasus. Fluttershy looked from the side, chin downturned, ashamed, almost cringingly, at Rarity. Tears leaked from her eyes, and she sniffled, dabbing at her face with a handkerchief. Turning to face the offended friend, Fluttershy managed to nod her confirmation.
At the sight, Rarity's scowl turned into pain, and tears suddenly flowed. She helped herself quickly to one of Twilight's handkerchiefs to keep her makeup from running as much as possible.
To Tartarus with those impossible eyes! Fluttershy's eyes, she thought. As a pony inclined to aesthetics, to notice beauty in others, and having known Fluttershy for years, Rarity knew the power her eyes held better than any of their friends. They would do more than intimidate the most powerful beasts and sway the immortal being of chaos. Fluttershy's eyes would tempt angels and demons alike to abandon their cause. It was only worse that the full potency of her gaze was never unleashed intentionally. If it were, thought Rarity, then she could at least be angry at her for that, but it wasn't, and she couldn't. Though she tried stubbornly, the troubled friend couldn't stay angry at the penitent pegasus.
“I,” Rarity hicced, “I thought we were never going to hide our feelings from each other after the whole modeling thing—but—there was this—the entire time,” Rarity grieved, sobbing. “I—I would have understood—if only you'd trusted me.” Rarity took a ragged breath. “It still doesn't change that ... I can't approve of what you did, or what you'd have wanted to do, w-w—with Sweetie Belle, but I could have at least been there for you, tried to help you move past it, or wait, perhaps, until she was, well ... the right age.”
Fluttershy wore a mixed expression, one of grief and pain at missing the support of her friend and at having hurt her, of relief that Rarity now no longer seemed angry, and of fear that the understanding the noble unicorn offered her simply wasn't enough, despite her good will. “P-please, Sweetie,” though she addressed the filly, Fluttershy's gaze rested still on Rarity, “keep going.”
Sweetie nodded.
“We're telling you about it all now because we know that any relationship between me and Fluttershy, especially after what's happened, can't go on without hurting our relationship with you unless ... unless we somehow make it right. You, sister, hold my first romance, the only romance I'll ever want, in your hooves.” Sweetie looked over the pages she held at Rarity, eyes glimmering sadly.
“I beg you to give me a chance to show you I can be responsible and committed with love, not all at once,” Sweetie failed to hold back a brief emotional sigh, “but please, please ,” Sweetie peeked with pained eyes at Rarity with each request, “let Fluttershy and me be together, safely, with your and Twilight's and others' help if we need it. I admit, we made some mistakes. Please, Sis, don't let that, and don't let my age ruin your faith in me to choose the right path for love. In all of Equestria, I don't think there's any other pony more caring, kind, and willing to love me than Fluttershy. I know I'm little and don't know as much as you or Mom and Dad, which is why I need all the support I can get.”
“If you'd still keep us apart, even though I'm sincere, I have no choice but to honor your decision. If you'll give us a chance, though, I feel ...” Sweetie put down the written message and shut her eyes, taking a deep breath.
The sisters looked at one another, each conflicted just as deeply for her own separate reasons.
“Rarity, I feel like Fluttershy is my destiny as much as any special talent will be ... and to keep me from that destiny, well ... you know how much that will hurt, but, if you let us be together, you know how happy it can make me and Fluttershy both.”
Rarity kept the now-spotted handkerchief at her eyes magically and levitated another with which to blow. The sound echoed next to her softly from Fluttershy. The pegasus hadn't taken her eyes off Rarity. Meanwhile, Twilight looked with deep concern at all three of her pony friends.
“I—” Rarity hesitated. It was impossible, Rarity thought, yet after such an honest, simple, yet stirring request from Sweetie and her friends, she felt bound once again to concede partly. Impossible, but ... she thought. The best way for Rarity to carry out her duty as a big sister was fraught with uncertainty.
“What about you, Princess?” she softly addressed the silent purple mare.
Rarity meant only respect. Twilight had authority, and she'd clearly exercised it. Rather than treat her as a friend, Rarity accepted with grace that Twilight treated her as a subject, favoring Fluttershy's secrecy over her right as family to know. The betrayed sorrow in the white mare's voice and the detached title sent sharp pains through Twilight's chest. To Twilight's conscience, it felt like Rarity had finally arrived at the accusation she'd dreaded. Et tu, Princess?
“I'm ... I'm really sorry too, Rarity.” Twilight apologized, pained, her voice unsteady. “I never wanted to hurt our friendship. Even though the only way I could earn Fluttershy's trust was to swear secrecy before she'd tell me what happened, I rationalized letting the secret continue without trying to convince her, for everypony's sake, that telling you was the right thing to do. I told myself I was doing the right thing, keeping their relationship alive and secret, when I saw Sweetie wanted intimacy and was willing to work hard for it ... but, actually, I fear I may have conceded too much too quickly.”
Twilight took a deep breath, steeling herself for the next crucial confession. “I saw Sweetie's devotion, maturity beyond her years, and I agreed to ... allow them ... to ... kiss ... privately on several occasions, but only for a hoofful of minutes at a time and only as long as I felt they would do nothing more,” Twilight lamely excused, grimacing. “A-and ... I ... I chaperoned a date for them.”
As shocking as Twilight's full involvement in the ordeal was to Rarity, she was past anger. It wouldn't have done her any good anyway to show the rage she'd felt initially. Between Fluttershy's meekness and Sweetie's innocence, however corrupted they may or may not be now to her mind, Rarity didn't have it in her to hold either's illness or naïveté against her. As for Twilight, Rarity had always counted herself lucky to be so very close to such an influential young Canterlot mare, but, perhaps, she thought, that closeness had been overestimated. Perhaps Twilight had changed more than she thought. Perhaps their friendship was at its end. Rarity let her handkerchief fall, weak, heartbroken, and tears quickly left gray streaks down her face.
She could resist the princess's endorsement, but what would come of it except worse heartache and shame for her misguided sister and Fluttershy? However painful it was to see her friendship replaced with servitude and her choice in the matter of her sister's innocence stripped from her, Rarity realized now that her only option was to let herself be subjected.
As it stood, Rarity acknowledged that Twilight never wanted to hurt their friendship and believed she was sincere when Twilight admitted their secrecy was wrong. No doubt, the princess believed she was doing the right thing by enabling the foal's continued corruption under her protective royal care, but the young ruler's conscience clearly still bothered her. It seemed clear to Rarity that, now, Twilight sought relief by asking for her support. To Rarity's dismay, she wasn't sure she could give it, even as a last token of their dying friendship.
Of all the things Twilight could ask for, was there anything more repulsive and damaging? Probably, yes, but to Rarity, at that moment, bound to respect her princess, suddenly and unexpectedly oppressed, it was the worst possible thing she could imagine. Rarity sat with a far off look, her handkerchief forgotten, eyeliner running down her cheeks. The ponies near her waited hyper-anxiously for her response.
“W-wh—what is it you want from me, Your Highness?” Rarity's chin turned down, and her ears flattened. She looked fearfully, despairingly, down at the spots her tears now made on the table. Anything but more of her sister's innocence, she pled silently.
“P-please, Rarity!” Twilight felt desperate to hear her name used. “What I want most is to be your friend, not your princess!”
Rarity looked up slowly, less afraid, but still wounded. “Why, then?” she asked. “Why did you let this happen?” Rarity looked mournfully at Sweetie Belle, her sister, robbed of the innocence of her foalhood. “How could you encourage it if you wished to remain my friend?”
Sweetie Belle recognized pity in her sister's gaze. Her face scrunched tearily in response, irritated at feeling underestimated for her age once again. “Wait a minute,” Sweetie interrupted. “Let what happen, exactly?”
Rarity was taken aback slightly by the sharpness of the foal's tone. “Sweetie, I ...” Rarity stopped, uncertain how to explain.
“You act like Twilight's done something terrible, but all she's done is help! ” the filly squeaked. “That's more than you're doing right now.”
“Sweetie, Dear,” Rarity wore a look of deep concern. “I know that you think that, but—”
“But nothing!” the foal intercepted, falling into habits she learned from arguing at home. “Did you even listen to what I wrote for you?”
Rarity grit her teeth. Of course she had, every word. “You wrote it with their help!” She indicated Twilight and Fluttershy. “You've been brainwashed into believing that what's happening is alright, but it's simply not !” All appearances forgotten, any hint of dramatic show abandoned, Rarity's tone was racked with grief.
“It is so! I know it because I feel it! I'm—not—brainwashed!” The accusation stoked Sweetie's indignation.
Rarity grit her teeth again, and shut her eyes angrily. “This, ” Rarity turned her gaze accusingly to Twilight, “is what a dictator does to her subjects, not her friends. Where else could she have gotten such wild ideas?!”
Twilight would have answered if not for Sweetie's objection. “If it's so crazy then explain to me, why can't a filly like me be in love, want romance, even have a fillyfriend?”
“Because!” she strove with the filly, “You're just too young, Darling!” Rarity genuinely wished she could make her understand.
“What does that matter?! Why is age important?” Sweetie wasn't making her case any stronger, but was too angry now to notice.
Fluttershy bit her lower lip anxiously, watching. Before it could escalate further, Twilight stepped in. “Girls! This isn't helping!” Twilight called for them to cease fire.
Rarity stared daggers once again at Twilight. “Oh! And you want to help?! I'm seeing the disaster your help has left.”
Twilight felt hurt, but only for a brief moment. This, she realized, wasn't how a subject spoke to a ruler. Maybe, then, this was progress. She let herself hope it was.
“You! You're impossible! ” Sweetie squeaked and fumed.
This, Twilight realized again, suddenly, was how sisters argued, and an idea came to her just then. It hurt to do it, but she dared to try. “Sweetie Belle,” Twilight made her tone stern, “let me handle this.” Twilight's tone and expression softened toward the foal. “Trust me, please.”
Twilight shut her eyes and tuned in to what she'd been carefully controlling thus far: fear, rejection, sorrow, humiliation. Her eyes watered uncontrollably, and tears began, finally, to roll down her cheeks. “Rarity,” Twilight looked across the table resentfully, “do you have any idea how hard this is for us? How hard it is for me? It's not about whether things are a disaster, because, with or without my help, they'd still be a disaster! ” her voice elevated.
Rarity looked shocked. She'd never been yelled at by Twilight like this before. She didn't have to take it, least of all from her . “I'd like to leave now ... with Sweetie Belle,” Rarity's tone was mostly regulated but firm.
Twilight's eyes grew wide for a moment, panicked at her idea backfiring, until she remembered something. “Nnno!” Twilight folded her forelegs and raised her snout petulantly.
Rarity let out high pitched noises of incredulity. “What do you mean, 'no!?' What happened to wanting to be my friend, not my princess, Your Highness?! Rarity flung the title like the insult it would have been to any other pony.
“I'm not finished talking to you!”
“Talking to me?!” “You promised—” “More like throwing a tantr—” “—until we'd fully expl—” “—any way a Princess should act?!” The two shouted over one another. Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle both sat on the edge of their seats, unable to look away. Each beginning to doubt whether Twilight had really thought this through.
“Twilight! I refuse to be held captive here. If you've any semblance of loyalty to our friendship, any decency at all, you will let—us—leave!” she stated emphatically.
“Fine!” Twilight shouted. “If you're so intent on leaving, then just try! I dare you!”
Rarity started to boil. Her cheeks puffed and glowed. Her lips pursed, holding back every unladylike choice word she wanted to throw at Twilight. It—was—on.
Rarity rose to her hooves and turned about. “Sweetie Belle!” the white mare snapped before clearing her voice and lowering her volume. “Come with me now, please.”
Sweetie Belle looked worriedly at Twilight. To the filly's surprise, Twilight nodded, smiling, and winked. Sweetie Belle rose, confused yet trusting, and went to Rarity's side. Together the two approached the magical barrier.
When Rarity was only a few paces away, she held out a hoof to tell Sweetie to stand back, then switched to bring her other hoof forward and test it. At first, she pushed carefully. It hummed softly, vibrating lightly against her hoof, then became quiet. Harder she pushed, and it yielded a little, stretching subtly like an elastic bubble. The humming intensified. Rarity lowered her hoof again, assessing the barrier with grim determination.
Backing herself up and turning her back hooves toward the shield, Rarity focused, trying to remember how she'd seen Applejack perform the motion. A moment later she raised her hind legs up together, and thrust them, as evenly as she could manage, with as much force as she could muster, into the translucent purple wall. She was met with a much louder hum, and her hooves rebounded, bounced, forcing her to catch herself narrowly to avoid falling. It had been a test mostly, in any case, she thought, and she turned around to aim her horn at it next.
Focusing, Rarity's horn glowed as she cast the most powerful piercing spell she knew. A sharp bright cone surrounded the tip of her horn. With this technique she'd managed to cut through solid diamond, adjusting them to use in her dresses and accessories. The white mare set the sharp point against the shield and pressed with all her strength. It yielded as before, this time with a high pitched noise like singing crystal glass, but, no matter what angle or measure of force Rarity used, it wouldn't break.
Rarity combined the sharpness of the cone with the full heat of her ironing spell, next. When that didn't work she tried as many other things as she knew, from freezing and shattering to experimentally attempting to teleport a quill to the other side, never mind that she'd never mastered pony teleportation. The barrier seemed impervious.
Despite knowing it was useless, Rarity began summoning objects from across Twilight's loft and hurling them against the shield. Sweetie Belle ducked as a cacophony of humming ensued, and, after a minute, the room was left silent except for heavy breathing, in a state of disarray. Chairs, scrolls, quills, teacups, and pillows lay on the floor next to their target. Thank goodness the bookshelves were outside of the shield, thought Twilight, or her books would have surely seen casualties.
Rarity collapsed back onto her haunches, panting. After several moments, she grit her teeth again, stood, and turned abruptly to march back to the table, her eyes still wet, her mane in uncharacteristic shambles. “You want to talk?” Though she spoke softly, fury seeped from each word. “Then talk Princess Twilight Sparkle, because this may very well be the last time ever that we do.”
Now fully absorbed in the role of a stubborn sister, Twilight hid the sting she felt behind her best impression of the showmare Trixie, a supremely smug facade and a, “Hmph!”
“Do you like my shield?” Twilight gloated.
Rarity said nothing, but her eyes became slits. Twilight pretended to admire one of her own hooves. The act started to feel good, to stroke her own pride, she realized, and she had to remind herself she'd already accomplished her goal.
“Even after the caster is disabled, that shield will hold up temporarily to a massive army of ravenous sharp-toothed magical creatures throwing themselves full force into it.” Twilight looked up seriously at Rarity. “You know what I'm talking about, I assume.”
Still the same glare.
“It was specifically designed to keep out, not only an army, but a being potentially on par with Celestia for magical strength. Unfortunately, it didn't account for her cunning. Of course, I added the noise cancellation and mirage effect for privacy purposes, and that weakens it, honestly, at least the mirage does.”
Rarity's expression didn't budge.
“It has one weakness, if you can call it that, while the caster is in control, a perfect exception to allow only friends that know the counter-spell to enter or exit, however, it's no easy task to perform. The key to penetrating is something of which Chrysalis and her hive are completely incapable as beings that absorb love and emotion. You see, the only way to enter or exit without completely destroying the barrier is with intense altruistic emotion.”
Rarity began to think Twilight had gone off the deep end. She slumped, bored and irritated, and her eyes rolled at the know-it-all's explanation, wondering whether there could be a less appropriate time for it.
“Two unicorn guards are normally required to open it. You saw that yourself at Canterlot. What you didn't see is that those guards switch out hourly due to exhaustion at the potency of the magic required for the counter-spell. ... Can you imagine my surprise, Rarity,” Twilight, made sure she had the mare's attention, “when, on the day I first cast this shield to hear Fluttershy's confession, before I'd added any mirage to weaken it, and, in my anxiety, increased its potency to approximately 90 times the strength of the one surrounding Canterlot—being an alicorn and dealing with a much smaller area, this was easy enough,” Twilight justified to show she meant no exaggeration “—can you imagine my surprise,” she repeated, “when Sweetie Belle fell through it, almost on accident?”
Rarity looked at the purple mare with skepticism, still unsure where she was going with this.
“At first, I thought the noise cancellation spell had weakened it, that maybe, in an anxious fit, Sweetie Belle chanced to breach the boundary with an uncontrolled magic burst, but, after quite a bit of testing, I came to realize, if anything, noise cancellation only made the shield more pliable, tougher to break through for any creature alone. I was baffled until I realized that the only way Sweetie could have entered was to actually have exploited the shield's one weakness.
“There was no way though, I thought, and I went from being baffled to incredulous,” Twilight continued, “Surely, Sweetie Belle had never learned the counter-spell nor could the magic burst I noticed from her, however powerful, open the shield like she had without completely destroying it. Even Celestia wouldn't have been able to cross that boundary without the counter-spell times 90, and that would have been slightly difficult, even for her, I dare say.
“After careful consideration, I decided Sweetie's magic burst was only a coincidence. The real answer to how she did it lay in the root of the magic. Emotion ... and not just any emotion, completely selfless emotion. The counter-spell is actually a mind and heart purifying spell plus a desire enchantment on the caster herself. In order to cross the barrier, essentially, all you need is pure, unfettered, honest and true love for any pony or object on the other side.
“Anything less, however, even the tiniest impurity, bit of selfishness, or will to do harm, depending on the power put into the shield, will cause the shield to absorb the force used against it and become stronger while the caster controls it. The power put into the shield mostly only boosts the sensitivity per surface area—the required purity and desire to pass through, not the actual strength against being broken—and thus the need for greater effort at casting the counter-spell to expel fear and doubt, selfishness, and pride, leaving only love, unless ...”
Twilight looked admiringly at the foal next to Rarity. Rarity looked as well, hoping she might believe what she guessed now that Twilight was about to say. “... somepony could be completely pure without magic—brave, selfless, and full of love for somepony on the other side, wanting to see her. ... A foal might have exactly that kind of purity, I thought, but that kind of devotion? It seemed incredibly unlikely to me at the time.” Twilight looked again at Rarity. “There is no other explanation, however. Sweetie Belle was unquestionably in love with somepony in this loft that day, and it certainly wasn't me.”
Rarity considered the proof Twilight had given her. “How do I know you're not making this up?”
Twilight let out a sad, tired sigh. “I really am sorry I didn't suggest we involve you, delay somehow before making such important decisions about Sweetie kissing ... and dating. It's not easy, coming to grips with what I've found through countless hours of research, through long hours of meditation and pondering, and, most importantly, through observation.”
Twilight looked briefly at Sweetie Belle then at Fluttershy. Each sat quietly. Sweetie Belle looked longingly at Fluttershy. Fluttershy looked downward with a deep shade of pink across her muzzle and tears in her eyes.
“If it had been easier, the answer clearer to what we should have done, then maybe I'd have avoided that mistake. I was distracted and too afraid, too worried about losing one of my friends, to judge rightly. It's no excuse, and I hope that you'll forgive me, Rarity, with time, if not right now. Sincerely, truly, I,” tears and ragged breathing stopped her for a moment, “please still be my friend. I—” another ragged breath “—I can't deny what I know to be the truth, and why would I make up something so outrageous, lie to a pony I care about, one of my best friends?”
What faint hope Rarity still had to keep her royal friend and restore her sister's honor rekindled with newfound reason to believe. Rather than sink into despair, the wanting mare chose to accept what evidence had been offered, in spite of everything. Her expression melted, her lip quivered, and she swallowed. “Then ... it's really true?” not some sick manipulation on anypony's part. Momentarily forgetting every other implausibility, she looked down in wonder at Sweetie next to her. “My sister ... is in love.” She tested how the statement felt leaving her, listened experimentally to it. “My sister is in love.” Realization began to dawn on her as the foal nodded. “My sister is in love?! ” Surprise lit her features, and she looked across the table at Twilight, then at Fluttershy. “... in love with—with one of my best friends?! With Fluttershy?! ” she gasped. “My sister,” she stopped herself, turning again to Sweetie. “You are in love with her, aren't you?” Rarity checked to make sure everything hadn't just been a dream or a nightmare.
Sweetie Belle nodded again, a little freaked out by the mare's reaction.
“My sister is!—” she nearly rejoiced, but stopped, suddenly, as the full reality of it came back to her, and horror replaced joy. “Wait! Sweetie Belle ... is in love with Fluttershy ... and Fluttershy loves her back ... a-and they—th-they've had sex.” Her shock was gone, her tone somber.
Rarity's mouth hung open as she looked at each of her friends and at Sweetie Belle. Fluttershy looked wide-eyed at Rarity, relieved to be called a best friend but too afraid to hope for more. Twilight watched, relieved as well, though still slightly concerned, and Sweetie Belle stared up procaciously. “Glad you finally caught up, Sis.” Scootaloo's influence showed in Sweetie's dry wit, in her half-lidded stare, and half-smile.
“But,” Rarity turned back to Twilight. Despite how much she wanted to believe, her doubt persisted. “You said the shield wouldn't let any impurity through. Are you saying that lust is ... altruistic?” Rarity looked uncertainly for an explanation.
Twilight shook her head.
“Lust is, by nature, selfish and blocked by the shield. I think ... it's possible Sweetie avoided lust because, well, technically, she's still a virgin, of sorts ... at least, in the sense that she's never been, um ... brought to finish, by anypony, even herself.”
Rarity was struck, her cheeks showing a bit of color suddenly.
“Of course, love is potent and can overpower even lust when both are present,” Twilight continued to explain, “but, at such an early stage in their relationship, even with maturity beyond her years, it would have been unlikely—” she stopped when she realized Rarity was paying no attention to her. Rarity needed little convincing for the sake of their friendship and her desire to believe that Sweetie's innocence remained unspoiled. Twilight still thought it a shame that magical theory should be so readily ignored, but didn't complain, given the circumstances.
The older sister whispered something in the filly's ear, and she whispered something back, the two shooting furtive glances at Fluttershy who, realizing they were talking about her, shrank in her seat a little.
Rarity sat up straight with a couple of delicate high-pitched coughs to clear her voice. “I see,” Rarity said. “Well, as much as I fear what this might mean, I admit, it looks like the situation is far more complicated than I originally thought.”
“D-does that mean?—” Fluttershy finally spoke up but left the question half-formed.
Rarity looked back, her eyes still full of concern, but with a smile and a nod.
“Yes, Fluttershy.” Her voice carried traces of both worry and joy. “As Sweetie Belle's older sister and usual caretaker, knowing that she's truly in love with you, not led by any foalish whim or passing fancy, but by destiny itself, and trusting you,” her tone became solemn, “to take care of and full responsibility for her ... I still have reservations, but ... I choose to support your future union.”
Fluttershy fainted.
When Twilight had cast a reinvigorating spell to rouse Fluttershy and the pegasus regained her faculties, she practically bolted through the air to sweep up Sweetie, squealing in surprise, into a joyful celebratory hug. Before anypony could have stopped it, there'd been an ecstatic pegasus mare and unicorn foal kissing mid air in front of one scandalized older sister. Fluttershy returned from bliss and her eyes snapped open at the sound of a cough. Landing, she apologized.
“Oh, Rarity, I know it's shocking to see ... me and your sister of all ponies,” Fluttershy continued to apologize, “I'm sorry. I just got carried away. I think you must know how much your blessing means to us!”
“Thank you, Sis! Oh, thank you! ” Sweetie interjected and would have hug-tackled Rarity if she weren't still clinging to Fluttershy.
“Thank you!” Fluttershy echoed.1
“My hooves are tied, really, while it's true love.” Rarity looked sentimentally at Sweetie Belle for a second, then fretful at the couple. “However ... I'm still not certain. Just because your love is genuine a-and you intend to someday join, I assume ... in matrimony.”
“As soon as we can!” Sweetie exclaimed happily, squeezing her mare as tightly as her small forelegs could and pressing her cheek against her.
Fluttershy was more wary of the uncertainty in Rarity's 'however,' but continued to hold her foal, melting at her wide smile.
“Y-yes. ... And, even if you both share an attraction ... I don't know if Sweetie should be involved ... physically anyway, so young. ... Love and lust, well ... they are different.”
Rarity was having a hard time just watching the couple's continued embrace. She turned instead to look at Twilight. “I'm afraid there's so much I thought I knew now being called into question, that I ... I really don't know what to think or say.” She shot a sideways glance uncomfortably at the pair. “I just—with so much at stake, how are you so sure, Twilight?” Rarity's eyes sparkled, begging for some explanation.
Twilight took a deep breath and exhaled. “I'm not.”
“But you ... you chaperoned them? You've let them be intimate at some level, and ... and you ... aren't sure?” Rarity was further distressed. Her eye's went wide, flicking back to the couple again.
“I'm not sure,” Twilight repeated, shaking her head, “but, I promise you, I'm being as careful as I feel I should be, all things considered.” Rarity's eyes still darted anxiously to the clinging couple. Twilight's horn lit, and two chairs that had been thrown returned to the table. “Let's return to our seats,” Twilight looked to the couple then back at Rarity, “and I'll explain as best I can.” Fluttershy and Sweetie understood the reason for the queue and each grimaced at the fact that their celebration may have been premature. Reluctantly, they parted again, and Rarity relaxed a bit.
“There are a number of reasons I've supported Sweetie and Fluttershy, but let me start back where we left off,” Twilight felt it important not to skip anything. “When Fluttershy first came to me for help, all I knew was that something was very wrong. I persuaded her,” Twilight broke off emotionally. “Rarity,” Twilight's eyes glistened, “I owe it to you to be completely honest. ... I was panicked. Fluttershy was beyond any kind of fear or anxiety I'd seen in her before, and, to make matters worse, she still couldn't bring herself to tell me. I did the only thing I could think of that might help her. I swore unconditional secrecy, and I assured her, when even that wasn't enough, that Friendship would see us both through. I was one hundred percent serious, and I'm still serious. I'll never speak a word of any of this to anypony she doesn't involve. ... Of course, it wasn't much of a relief when I found out she'd come to me after a sexual incident with Sweetie Belle,” Twilight looked to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy swallowed, her pupils small. She looked back, frozen for what she knew was coming. “Fluttershy confessed that she'd lost her faculties,” Twilight put it as delicately as possible at first. “She admitted ...” There was a tense pause, “she almost forcibly raped Sweetie.”
Rarity gasped, horrified. The sideways glances she'd given the yellow mare suddenly became full eye contact. “You—” she recoiled “—but you didn't?” She leaned back toward Fluttershy but had no real expectation for a response. Rarity turned again instead to Twilight. “Almost?” Confusion tinted her complete shock.
“Angel managed to get in the way long enough for Fluttershy to come to herself, and that's when she flew here.” Twilight looked sympathetically toward Fluttershy, who, remembering to breathe, took a deep, shaky, breath. “By now, I think you've understood ... Fluttershy is ill.” Twilight was full of grave sympathy.
Fluttershy couldn't look up, but felt three sets of eyes on her.
Sweetie Belle wouldn't hold her tongue at the sight of her suffering anymore. “I knew it was wrong, but I did what I did anyway!” Sweetie Belle blurted. “Fluttershy didn't do anything but kiss me. She didn't ask me to start doing what I did, and when she woke up, I—I kept going because I wanted to!” Sweetie's pain at seeing the pegasus's intense shame caused her to tear up once again. “It's not her fault! ” she championed. “She stopped before anything happened to me! I don't blame her for losing control for a minute, and, even if she is s—sick, she didn't hurt me. ”
The foal wanted desperately to save her heroine from the torment of that fateful moment's consequences, but relief seemed impossible to deliver. She looked across at the mare, and, though Fluttershy finally dared to look up at Sweetie, her chin remained down and the sorrow in her eyes wouldn't dispel. At her filly's distress, the shy mare managed, however, with one more deep breath, to speak.
“I'm accountable.” She stated surely to Sweetie. “My family had its problems while I grew up, just like many other ponies' did, and I chose this way to comfort myself.” Her voice became softer, and she looked into space through the table. “What was once, maybe, not a big deal, grew. First it was just experimenting, harmless crushes, and games with others ... then it was r-regular m-masturbation. ... It became a habit ...” her voice softened again, “and, eventually, it grew into a habit I couldn't break. Often, now ... it's an obsession I can't stop thinking about and barely control sometimes.” She raised her chin finally and looked again at Sweetie Belle. “It's true,” she spoke with what she hoped sounded like courage. “The pony you love is sick in the mind, and a little in the heart. Even though you've helped me a lot, Sweetie ... I can't expect you to cure me, and you shouldn't expect it either, Sweetheart.” Fluttershy faced Twilight. “Neither should you, Twilight, though you've helped me most of all.”
Finally, she turned to Rarity, just able to reign back both fear and shame enough to speak clearly. “I understand completely if you don't trust me.” She gulped and bit her lower lip.
“Fluttershy,” Sweetie gasped and leaned toward her, one hoof on the table between them.
“I don't trust me.” Fluttershy finished anyway.
“Fluttershy!” Sweetie repeated, upset now that, surely, she'd ruined their chances.
“Sweetie Belle,” Fluttershy looked despondently at the foal she loved. “I—” the tears she'd held back since she fainted, leaked once more “—I'm sorry.” Her apology came out a whisper, and, though she wished she could say more, she dared not attempt to, certain she'd only wind up stuttering through sobs. Instead, she lowered her face to the table and cried quietly into a fresh handkerchief. The least she could do was try not to be noisy.
Sweetie Belle let her head slowly fall with a soft thump against the table, already mourning the inevitable loss of her sister's support.
Twilight looked on, wishing she could provide the cure Fluttershy spoke of, but knowing that, at this point, it wouldn't make things much better. The plan had been to inspire Rarity reason to give Fluttershy a second chance. Unlike Sweetie, Twilight felt the pegasus's admission actually helped her case. Now, Twilight would do what she could to show how. She prepared herself to finish her explanation.
“I think it's important to consider—”
“Stop,” Rarity interrupted Twilight. “This ... this is more than I ever imagined I'd hear.” Her voice was tense. Rarity couldn't stand breaking twice in one day. “I need some time to ... to think,” she struggled.
Hearing the stress in her friend's voice, and knowing how it felt firsthoof, Twilight nodded. “That's fine, of course, but, before you go, Rarity, I'm sorry about, well, ehmm—”
“I understand why you refused to let me go before,” Rarity spared Twilight finding the right words, “a-and I'm sorry too ... for my brutish behavior.” She magically lifted most of the items she'd thrown back to their places. “And, Fluttershy,” Rarity waited until the mare looked askance at her from behind her hooves and handkerchief. “Darling, we're still friends ... all of us are,” she looked at Twilight who smiled gratefully, then back at Fluttershy. “Whatever happens, your secret is safe.” Rarity sighed. “As for you, dear sister,” she faced her precious charge, “please don't think I'm against your love if I need some time to think and if I ask you to spend some time apart from Fluttershy.”
Sweetie looked up, relieved, but not much. She sighed, disheartened. “So what else is new?”
The generous mare stepped toward Fluttershy and offered her a light rub between her shoulders. Fluttershy found the strength to stand and accepted a hug. Finally, Twilight escorted Rarity and Sweetie Belle to the shield, leaving each of them with a hug of her own as they exited her loft. Rarity set no specific time to talk again, and Twilight wouldn't press her for one.
Fluttershy continued to cry.
In spite of knowing the true magnitude of Sweetie's love, now that she'd finally heard Twilight's explanation, and despite having done her best to be honest and brave to honor that love, Fluttershy felt more empty and alone and scared than ever.
Twilight went back to her and sat with her, taking her under her wing.
Author's Note
Last revised 6 February 2015
Original Note: and puts us clear of the superstitiously-laden number 13. Now if only I could bring myself to go back and fix every ellipse in the first part... So tedious.
Revised 2/5/15 for style, voice, and detail.Setokaiva and TheGreatEater for proofreading.
“Spike,” Rarity addressed the young volunteer currently holding a number of her supplies from ribbons and lace to sequins and thread.
Spike needed no addressing. The beautiful unicorn had his whole and undivided attention from the moment she answered his knock at the door. “Yes, Rarity?” the little dragon responded eagerly, happy to hear her speak his name and to speak hers in return.
Something broke Rarity's train of thought; what item she'd meant to ask for completely fled conscious thought as she turned her head to look at the youngster and saw the all too familiar look of adoration on his face. Adoration. His adoration for her. Sweetie's adoration for Fluttershy. A flood of information that Rarity had, with difficulty, attempted to process, revelations she loathed to fully comprehend, overwhelmed her for the hundredth time.
“I—” She halted, and, when she couldn't remember what she wanted, she looked back at her work. Ribbon was called for. She sighed. “Never mind, Spike,” Rarity changed her mind. It wasn't the first time that hour she'd found herself lost. She'd had enough difficulty concentrating on work the past several days without Spike's presence triggering bizarre thoughts and unpleasant memories of the conversation she'd had with her friends and sister.
She could send the scaly youth away. Though it didn't seem fair to him, she still might have done it but for the fact that he'd seemed so much more eager than usual to see her today after his unusual absence the last week. To send him away so early might have hurt his feelings unnecessarily. It wasn't his fault things had gotten so complicated recently, after all.
“Would you join me for a spot of tea? I think I need a break,” Rarity invited.
“Of course!” Spike was never more enthusiastic about tea than when it was with Rarity. “Would you like me to help you boil the water?”
Rarity thought a moment. “Not today, Spikey. I'd appreciate it if you let me take care of it alone this time,” she responded apologetically.
“Oh. Okay.” The little dragon looked and sounded somewhat disappointed, but was comforted by her reassuring smile.
In the kitchen, Spike sat at the table in the nook used for most of Rarity's and Sweetie Belle's meals and watched the unicorn with a far off look in his eyes. Rarity did her best to ignore him and, setting to work, tried to clear her head. Tea was simple, yet it took time. After filling the kettle, placing it on the stove, and turning up the flame, all that was left was to wait. It was a welcome pause, one that Rarity hoped might let her move past the turmoil Spike's presence brought so that she could return to work.
Rarity thought for the hundredth time about Sweetie Belle's shocking foray into sexual intimacy, how forward the filly admitted to being. She thought about Fluttershy's even more shocking, frightening lapse of control, about the mare's confession of love to a mere school filly, about the kiss the two had shared so shamelessly right in front of her before Fluttershy became aware of her discomfort.
She could understand why Sweetie might not have quite the same sort of shame for sex as an adult would. Normally she shouldn't need it at all. Adults were meant to protect fillies her age from the sordid truth. Their parents hadn't explained intercourse to Rarity in any detail until she began to talk about moving out and living on her own. Granted, that may have been a bit late, thought Rarity, but wasn't it normal for good parents and foals to be a bit shy about that sort of topic with each other?
Maybe, she thought.
Rarity had, with difficulty the past several days, come to grips with Fluttershy's illness. Though she wished it hadn't, knowing the shy pony's proclivity changed the way she looked at the peaceful pegasus drastically, she feared permanently. Truth be told, Rarity had always suspected Fluttershy might have more reason to be silent than typical shyness. Fluttershy wasn't ever really the typically shy pony, after all. Still, she'd never allowed herself to think of her friend as hiding something so shameful. She hated now to think of her as the secret, dangerously out-of-control pervert that she recently admitted to being.
Were there others the mare had molested? Rarity's stomach twisted and turned every time the question crossed her mind. She wished she'd asked before leaving Twilight's library that day, but, really, if the answer had been anything but no, she didn't know what she'd have done to cope with the added layer of shock. As it was, she'd needed to bathe herself several times just to cleanse the horrible dirtiness she felt for not insisting firmly upon the relationship's suspension until Sweetie was grown, proof or not of her little sister's love.
At least, Rarity thought, with Twilight's reassurance, she had some reason to believe not all was lost—her sister's purity and her friends' honor. She'd been desperate to take whatever she could get back in the loft, but worried frequently whether, perhaps, Twilight and she, by extension, were deluding themselves about the nature of the shield. Could a spell ever so quickly just filter out true love? Maybe Twilight overestimated her own understanding. It happened to the best of them. Magical proof aside, was true love really reason enough to allow them to be close before Sweetie matured when, instead, they could wait and be safe within the law?
Then there was Spike. Rarity tensed suddenly, remembering that he was behind her, almost definitely watching her with the same smitten expression he'd had since he came with Twilight to Ponyville. Back then—oh, back then. Rarity felt a sudden longing to return to “back then”—back then, things had been so much simpler. It had been so much easier to ignore his adoration, even put it off when he meant to confess. Now, though, little fillies and young drakes weren't just innocently crushing, they seemed to be actively seeking romance and intimacy in all of its fearsome sordid passion. It felt wrong that they, little fillies, colts, Spike, should ever be put at such risk as to be considered fully sexual beings themselves. It felt even worse to think that any foal, that Spike, regardless of the risk involved in entertaining them, might have sexual feelings deserving of her, Rarity's, validation.
What Sweetie had read replayed in Rarity's mind.
“Rarity, I feel like Fluttershy is my destiny as much as any special talent will be ... and to keep me from that destiny, well ... you know how much that will hurt, but, if you let us be together, you know how happy it can make me and Fluttershy both.”
The fact that everypony was born with genitalia was supposed to mean they had potential, not that they were, in fact, capable of immediately wanting or fully enjoying what hormones must later drive them to seek out. The very notion that a foal should be led to more than curiosity, admiring her mentor, some simple private exploration of herself, and, maybe , some experimentation with a similar-age peer was uncomfortable, yet here was such a situation, plain in front of Rarity to see, in her beloved little sister no less ... and, potentially, though she'd never initiate it herself, Spike.
Rarity didn't want to condemn her sister's natural if unusual inclination to desire Fluttershy so ardently, but to support it, as her friends asked her to, was simply too much. If she did support such a relationship at such a young age—Celestia forbid!—wouldn't that mean that Spike, too, was entitled to some form of recognition for his desires, be it letting him down or giving him hope for the future? She certainly hadn't considered him seriously as a prospect for any sort of romantic relationship, but should she? And could she lose him as the family member he had become, eventually, either way?
Just as bad, maybe worse than the prospect of openly acknowledging Spike's feelings for her, Rarity dreaded that she might be guilty of leading him on in a way she'd never wanted to consider possible. No, she thought. Whether or not his feelings were similar to Sweetie Belle's, Spike was never taught nor led as Sweetie had been recently to raise any hope for that recognition. That had to mean he must not be as vulnerable as Sweetie now was, that he couldn't be hurt quite so badly by her dismissal, right?
Thoughts of her own foalhood crushes gave her confidence that she was innocent with respect to Spike. In foalish innocence, Rarity herself had been infatuated with an uncle, the rare family friend, even her grade school teacher, Ms. Play Write, for as long as a year before moving on to others. They'd never responded beyond giving her attention and treating her special in completely non-romantic ways, and she'd turned out fine. Rarity did the same for Spike, and, certainly, thought Rarity, he must eventually move on like she did, like anypony would eventually, even an adult.
She paused at the thought of “adult,” worried by the parallel.
In any case, thought Rarity, she mustn't blame herself for any potential hurt feelings over the course of the past year. Whether or not Spike hoped for her to reciprocate romantically and were capable of understanding mature courtship, Rarity herself had always been taught not to consider a prepubescent pony—in this case, dragon—capable of fully understanding and appreciating that kind of love. She couldn't have known that she was leading him on cruelly, could she? What was her accountability now , in light of what she knew about Sweetie Belle?
Experience hadn't taught her to think of foals that way, had it? She certainly couldn't have handled true love and lifelong commitment so young herself. If it were possible for a foal and an adult to have a fulfilling marriage, it must be an extraordinary, improbable exception. The chances of her sister and Fluttershy making it together must be astronomical.
She reasoned and fought against the guilt her friends had so thoughtlessly thrust upon her, yet a nagging doubt followed each conclusion. Would Rarity really have been incapable of a fulfilling foalhood marriage with the right partner? Would that really be so extraordinary in some other place or at some other time without prejudice? Were Sweetie Belle and Fluttershy really better off waiting and conforming? Was it really okay for Rarity to take Spike's feelings so lightly? Was the young admirer really safe from the magnitude of pain she feared she might be causing him, just because puberty hadn't yet begun to change him? Were foals really all that dissimilar to adults? Rarity fretted. Had her parents' typical shy avoidance really done her and Sweetie any good?
... Probably, she thought.
“Maybe” and “probably” weren't good enough while her sister and dear friend's happiness was on the line. Despite trying, she couldn't convince herself what she thought was right, and, whether or not she were correct, knowing that things weren't going to be easy either way only made her feel worse.
The kettle began to whistle.
Sighing, Rarity extinguished the flame. Without an excuse to avoid facing Spike, she turned and finally set the table, adding a pouch of chamomile and lavender to her own cup. “What type can I get for you, Spike?” Rarity offered warmly.
“Mmm,” Spike thought, “peppermint, if you have any, or just whatever you're having.” Rarity obliged with a pouch of shredded peppermint leaves, then levitated the hot kettle to fill their cups and finally take her seat across from Spike. “Thank you, Rarity!” Spike responded brightly.
“You're welcome, Spike.” Rarity answered politely, somewhat somberly.
An uncomfortable silence settled between them as they waited for their herbs to steep. The mare's usual aloof composure was gone as she stared down anxiously at her cup, watching the color of the herbs slowly diffuse from the bag.
“Soo,” Spike broached awkwardly, “It's been a while since I got to help out around here.”
Rarity nodded uncomfortably. “Y-yes. So it has.”
Another pause.
“I'd have been by sooner, but ... um ... eheh!” he laughed nervously. In his eagerness to strike up a conversation, the dragon realized a little too late that his reason for staying away wasn't something he could talk about, whether or not Rarity now seemed to be a part of it all.
Though he still didn't quite understand what was going on, it seemed unlikely the beautiful mare would want to talk about it anyway. “W-well, I couldn't come by sooner because,” he stumbled on anyway, “I've ... been, uhh ...” She'd probably know if he lied, Spike thought, and he didn't want to fib to her anyway. An awkward moment passed and the mare looked at him with knowing concern. “N—nevermind,” he gave up. Stupid! he chided himself.
Silence settled again and the two looked away from each other.
“It's been ... busy, I suppose,” Rarity eventually finished, giving him an out, for which Spike was grateful. “How have you and Twilight been recently?”
In spite of herself, Rarity looked back at him. He met her gaze, hopeful that the conversation might not turn out to be a complete wreck. “Oh, Twilight? She's been alright, just up to the usual since we all wound up at the castle together.” Then had been the last time Rarity and Fluttershy had spent time together alone before the shocking truth about her and Sweetie had been revealed, just a day after the appearance of the box. “... mostly reading,” Spike continued. “I know she's been looking for something to help her figure out how the Tree of Harmony works, says it could help, even though she still can't find anything about that mysterious box ... and I've been alright too, just helping wherever I can.” Except at the boutique, he thought.
So much had happened, thought Rarity. Losing the elements and beginning a new quest, the graceful mare had handled just fine. She'd anticipated some bumps along the way in her friendships, but nothing had prepared her for the train wreck that started as a simple meeting meant to discuss the royal loft décor.
Rarity assessed her tea. Now that her brief time-out from Spike was over, she wondered whether this had been such a good idea. At least she wouldn't wind up messing up her dresses, she thought. Deciding it had been long enough, she removed both pouches telekinetically from each cup. “Sugar, Dear?” Rarity offered as she stirred in a few spoonfuls with her own tea.
“Definitely.” Spike grinned, taking the container and adding three heaping spoonfuls to his tea.
“Milk?” Rarity offered again after pouring some into her own.
“Mm ... no thanks,” Spike decided.
Rather than stir again, Rarity watched the white liquid churn in the heat and leftover turbulence of her previous stirring. It looked something like she felt. Spike, immune to the heat, began to sip his tea. Rarity took hers once the milk and water had combined fully, the cold milk putting it at just the right temperature for her. To Rarity's relief, the chamomile and lavender quickly had the desired effect. The tension in her mind and body eased.
Spike, watching her as usual, seemed, instinctively, to relax with her. “Spike,” Rarity looked and spoke softly but seriously to the little reptile.
“Yes, Rarity?”
“Do you really enjoy helping me?”
Spike looked into her tender gaze, almost hypnotized. “More than anything,” he admitted.
“Wouldn't you rather find others your age to play with in your spare time than do chores here or help me work?” Rarity asked, unsurprised by his answer, but still hopeful she might see another side to him than the one she knew was obsessed with her.
Spike knew his answer right away, but considered for a moment why she might be asking. Rarity had never complained before about his presence at the boutique, and right now she didn't seem unhappy with him, but something about the way she asked told Spike she wished he weren't so eager.
“Well,” Spike began, “I'm not really into the whole crusading thing, and I'm homeschooled, sort of, you know? So I guess, I just ... know more grown-ups, but,” his ear fins drooped, and he looked worried, “if you think I shouldn't come around as much ...”
“No-no, Precious. That's not at all what I meant,” Rarity reassured. “You're welcome here any time, Spikey-poo.”
Spike looked down, assessing whether or not she actually meant it. She sounded sincere, he decided, and the realization brought a smile back to his face. “Well then, why'd you ask?” he inquired.
Rarity looked uncomfortable again for a moment, but, sipping her tea, remained collected. “Because, well ... I just wouldn't want you to have any regrets, I suppose,” she answered.
“Regrets?” Spike was a little surprised. “I'd never regret watching the most beautiful and talented fashion pony in Equestria work,” Spike flattered.
“That's sweet of you to say, Spike. Thank you.” Rarity smiled graciously, used to hearing praise from the little dragon, but grateful just the same.
“Any time. Just my honest opinion.” He beamed.
Rarity sipped again at her tea. “Remind me, Dear. Do you have any hobbies of your own? Anything else you like to do in your spare time?” Rarity thought about what she'd known the little dragon to do on his own or talk about other than her work, but couldn't seem to recall anything beyond cleaning and cooking.
Spike considered his answer. “I like reading comic books a lot, and regular books too, I guess, and cooking. ... Lets me put my dragon breath to good use sometimes, and I get to share the snacks I make with, well, all of you.” Spike grinned happily. Why Rarity had decided to ask him about himself, he wasn't sure, but it felt good that she seemed interested in him.
Rarity pondered. Spike seemed to have a life outside of her, but she didn't see much of it. There had been his recent ambition to pet-sit and make himself that extravagant cake. A little further back still, on the one day off that he didn't spend helping at the boutique, he'd wound up with a life debt to Applejack, doing whatever menial thing the mare asked, despite the farm pony's discomfort with it.
He cooked for others. He read, at least partly, Rarity guessed, what Twilight gave him to read. The rest of the time he served others, whether willingly or as part of his Dragon Code. The only exception she could think of was his quest during the dragon migration. Thankfully, he hadn't fit in with that bunch. There was his birthday fiasco too, she remembered, which had gone much worse than his quest for self-discovery. Maybe good dragons were meant to stay focused on others, never themselves, or the consequences would be more dire than they were with ponies. Something seemed off about that theory to Rarity, however.
In any case, what did it say about her friendship with him? Was it okay that she let him serve her, like he seemed to want to, without reciprocating any of his romantic interest in her? He was just a baby, according to Twilight, anyway. Service aside, nopony should be looking for romance with somebody so young, yet, again, Rarity asked herself whether she was being irresponsible by not telling him “no,” or, at least, “not yet.” Her concern grew again and weighed on her brow.
“Rarity?” Spike called to the pony. She snapped back, shaking her head clear. “Are you okay?” Spike asked.
Rarity sighed, muddled and uncertain about what to do. She really needed to work, but she still felt bad sending Spike away now, not only because it might hurt his feelings, but also because, she realized, finding answers to her questions about him, about Sweetie, was something she couldn't avoid any longer. “I'm fine, Dear,” Rarity answered, “just feeling a bit ... distracted.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Spike asked.
“No.” If only, she thought. “I just thought that it's about time I took care of some things,” Rarity resolved. In doing so, suddenly, she felt her burden lighten. No matter the outcome, she'd do her best to find the answers she didn't have. She might not know where to start looking, but she knew somepony willing to help. “As soon as we finish here, Darling, I think I'll feel up to working some more, if you'd like to continue lending me a claw.”
Needing no enticing, Spike nodded eagerly.
Sweetie offered no update to the Crusaders on her relationship during their meeting the day after her big reveal to Rarity. Finding it unusual and sensing something off, Apple Bloom looked for an answer to why. Sweetie's expression had sagged at the question of how things were going with her and her special somepony, and her friends had been troubled by the news, “Not too great.”
“Whad'ya mean, 'Not too great?' This whole past week ye've been goin' on about those love letters.” Apple Bloom's brow furrowed. Scootaloo matched the Apple foal's expression despite normally being the one to end their much lengthier conversations about mushy topics.
“I mean ... we're still together, kind of, but we have to spend some time apart,” Sweetie answered, “and there's no way to really tell how long before we see each other again or can even write to each other.”
Sweetie and Fluttershy had made plans through their prior correspondences to discontinue writing secretly in the likely case that Rarity decided to restrict their contact. It wouldn't do, after the trouble of exposing their secrets to her, to then continue going behind the elder unicorn's back. The only exception was in case of some dire emergency that couldn't be resolved by going to Twilight or somepony else. Fluttershy would leave such an emergency message in one of the usual hiding places for Sweetie to find, and Sweetie would risk mailing Fluttershy a blank page by normal post to signal that she'd be leaving an actual message for Fluttershy, again at one of the usual locations.
“Can you tell us why?” Scootaloo prompted when Sweetie Belle didn't elaborate.
“I ... I shouldn't,” Sweetie responded.
“It's not somethin' to do with Applejack, is it?” Apple Bloom asked anxiously.
“No. It has nothing to do with Applejack,” Sweetie answered then sighed. “I don't feel like talking about it anymore right now,” she preempted any further questioning. Sweetie regretted not being able to say more without exposing sensitive information. It was better that nopony, even her friends, knew that Rarity had been informed, to prevent further complications.
Reluctantly, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo respected her wish, but it didn't help at all to take Sweetie's mind off of the mare she couldn't be with.
Meanwhile, the melancholy filly tried her best not to burden her friends the rest of that day and others afterward as they crusaded together. Unfortunately, trying not to worry her friends meant smiling. Even a simple smile felt like neglect to Sweetie, ignoring the pain she felt her beloved must be in, that she herself was in, not knowing when they'd reunite.
Each time the filly forced the corners of her mouth upward, quiet sorrow filled her at the small betrayal, and made her want to hide herself. The moments her smile came naturally only felt worse once her worries, momentarily forgotten, returned and made her want to cry. What worthy fiancée could allow herself to be so thoughtless, to be happy at a time like this?
The emotional tug-of-war—keeping up her facade while feeling the opposite of what she showed day by day—exhausted Sweetie Belle. Soon, rather than not want to spend time with her friends, the little filly reluctantly admitted to herself, she actually dreaded crusading.
Only five days passed from the time Sweetie had been forbidden to make contact with Fluttershy, and the little filly could no longer force herself to appear “alright.” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo seemed at a loss for what to do as they tried and failed to cheer their friend. “I'd ... just like to stay behind at the clubhouse today ... if you girls don't mind.” Sweetie labored to make it through the request, feeling worse for causing her best friends to worry about her more than they clearly already did. “I just don't feel up to crusading today, and I'd rather not go home.”
Never mind that she hadn't felt up to crusading the other four days. Sweetie knew that going to either her parents' or Rarity's meant she'd either have to try and keep smiling or wind up confining herself to her room to avoid being seen by customers of the boutique, and she'd spent more than enough time there, already.
“Are ya sure?” Apple Bloom looked at her with a deerstalker cap on her head, ready for an afternoon of clue-finding and mystery solving in an attempt to earn a sleuth cutie mark.
Sweetie Belle nodded. Going out with the crusaders, beyond killing her friends' fun when she failed to keep her spirits up, Sweetie worried, posed the same risk of raising concern for her out in public as staying at the boutique.
“We can go mystery hunting another day. You want us to stay with you?” Scootaloo matched the Earth filly next to her, frown and hat alike.
Sweetie considered the offer for a moment. “No, thanks. I actually brought my journal, and I think I'd just like some time alone, if that's alright.” Her friends just looked at her with the same worried expression her sister had the past several days, the one she'd wanted to avoid. With effort, Sweetie managed to put on a half-smile. “I'll be alright, really. I just need to think. You girls have fun, though. Please, don't worry about me,” Sweetie attempted to reassure her friends.
They didn't argue with her, but each offered her a hug before leaving.
There in the club house, Sweetie Belle took advantage of the calm and privacy to let herself feel sad without feeling self-conscious. Opening up the windows to let in the fresh orchard air and birdsong, she rested and journaled some. She contemplated everything that was happening and how much had changed.
How far she'd come and yet how similar things were to when she'd mixed up a love poison for her teacher less than a year ago. Back then, she'd known so little, and her eagerness had gotten the better of her and her friends. They'd learned an important lesson. Now, again, her eagerness had gotten the better of her, but the trouble she was in this time wasn't quite so simple to rectify. Throughout it all, she'd learned so much more than she ever imagined she might, and she'd felt so much more than she ever dreamed she could.
The next few days, Sweetie requested again to stay behind at the clubhouse. Again, her friends offered little argument, though their concern grew. When each afternoon was fully spent, the fillies returned home, but none more reluctantly than Sweetie Belle.
A week that felt like an eternity had passed, and either sister only spoke to the other about meals, the daily chores, and, per Rarity's request, when Sweetie left the boutique, she let her know where she'd be spending her time. The foal was compliant, respectful, helpful, appeared to be social with her peers, everything she'd always been, except, Rarity couldn't ignore, she hardly smiled, seemed less energetic, ate even less, and was quieter than ever—not that Rarity blamed her. She herself didn't feel capable of starting a conversation with her little sister as long as she remained so deeply conflicted about Sweetie's relationship with Fluttershy.
To avoid moping in her room, Sweetie had begun taking routine strolls around the block each evening after dishes. Despite the unlikeliness of finding a message, she continued to visit each mouse home with bits of apple, just in case. If nothing else, the ritual helped her feel closer to the mare who, despite living just on the edge of town, felt so far away.
The evening of the seventh day from the beginning of Sweetie's growing turmoil, Rarity made a request as Sweetie was about to go for her usual evening walk. “Do you mind if I join you tonight?”
“M-mm” Sweetie shook her head. It was fine, Sweetie thought. She wouldn't have found a letter anyway, and, as long as she didn't have to hide her feelings, she decided she didn't mind her big sister's presence.
There were still hours of daylight, but the lowering sun and gentle breeze made the sweltering heat from earlier that day more temperate. For several minutes the sisters walked quietly together. Rarity matched Sweetie's pace somewhat anxiously, her restlessness mixing poorly with the foal's short-legged, lethargic pace.
“It's certainly lovely outside at this hour,” Rarity finally broke the silence.
“Yeah,” Sweetie agreed, looking up to see Rarity looking down at her for the umpteenth time that week with the same concerned, thoughtful expression. Sweetie continued her walk with no further response.
The quaint neighborhood paths appeared empty except for the two sisters. Within the cozy thatched-roof homes, a few ponies appeared to be busy with their own business. Otherwise, the entire area felt almost abandoned, calm and private, like the clubhouse.
“I feel I need to apologize,” said Rarity. “I've taken longer than I know you'd have liked to think about ... everything.”
Sweetie Belle's gait slowed subtly, and the young filly looked up anxiously.
“You ... you needed the time.” Sweetie was uncharacteristically soft-spoken. Before she'd finished the sentence, she'd looked down at the ground, her ears folded. Rarity couldn't help but feel worse at the response.
“I'm still not sure about you dating her,” Rarity pressed on, her voice lowered momentarily to avoid being overheard, “but it's time, finally, that I listened to Twilight, I think.”
Sweetie's ears straightened, she looked up again, and she brightened a little, daring to hope.
“Maybe ...” Rarity's heart ached at the filly's sad, eager eyes, “maybe we should go see her to set up an appointment right now. What do you think?”
A week that felt like an eternity passed, and Angel Bunny had never been so miserable. His owner's inattentiveness to him and his fellow critters meant that, for more than half his meals, the white bunny waited impatiently well past due time while, other times, food seemed to appear for no real reason in his dish just ten minutes after he'd finished eating. Worse, some days, his winged caretaker slept clear through breakfast or retired to bed before dinner, and nothing he could do would rouse her. Four days of consistent failure to provide prompt meals had passed, and even Angel's most severe brow beating yielded no more reaction from the pegasus than a quiet sigh and a slow, dejected walk to her next chore. More than hunger, Angel hated the prickling feeling that seeing his owner in such a state produced.
If Twilight hadn't come to visit her daily, Angel would have gone to fetch the winged unicorn himself, yet even she seemed unable to pick Fluttershy up for long from out of her dire doldrums. At least, he thought, Twilight saw to it that his owner ate a full meal. It was better than he usually managed to make her do, even with his most persuasive threats or fluffy bunny cuddles and other charms. Instinct guided Angel to consider one more option to remedy the situation, though he dreaded it.
To his relief, a certain pink pony had recently avoided the cottage. To Angel's amusement, all it had taken had been for Fluttershy, desiring to be left in peace, to set out a surprisingly effective “Beware! Ghosts!” sign. Upon seeing the silly Nightmare Night decoration the first four times, Pinkie had screamed and run for town. About the fifth and sixth time, however, Pinkie Pie had become desperate enough to try and sneak past without attracting the dead's attention. Stepping on a stick or tripping on a rock, the paranoid pony only wound up running and screaming again, begging the unseen spirits not to tickle her cupcakes and leaving Angel to stare at the remaining dust cloud with a bemused expression.
Now, despite the recent reprieve from the pink pony's riotous romping about his residence, Angel concluded she was his only option. On the sixth day from the time that Fluttershy had begun to slip, having received only a single meal at her hooves the entire day, the noble bunny could tolerate the tree-dwelling treat-giver's torment no more. That evening, Angel caved to his completely selfless desire to help, stowed the bogus sign someplace Fluttershy wouldn't find it, and isolated himself as a protective measure against one very annoying but, hopefully, attitude-improving visit from Pinkamena Diane Pie.
The following morning, a pink mane followed by a light pink forehead then clear blue eyes slowly rose up over the edge of Fluttershy's mattress. Fluttershy lay sound asleep, a very unusual sight for the peeking pink party pony at that particular hour. “She looks so ... sleepy,” Pinkie observed in a whisper to Gummy.
Gummy blinked his agreement.
“QUIET GUMMY!!!” Pinkie's warning may very well have been heard from the far side of town, and Angel wasn't spared the annoyance he'd feared after all. Fluttershy jolted to her ceiling with a high-pitched yelp, clinging to it like Spider Mare for dear life. “Oh, Fluttershy! You're awake after all! Yippee!” she enthused.
“P-p-p—p-p—p—p—”
Pinkie gasped. “What a great way to start your day! D'you practice your Ps every morning? I have to admit, P -ing on the ceiling looks like a looot of fun, but ... doesn't that leave a bit of a mess to clean up?
Fluttershy had indeed wet herself slightly. A few droplets made their way into the pegasus's tail, where they were absorbed before they could do any real damage. Realizing her 'surprise' was visible, Fluttershy tucked her tail between her legs, embarrassed. Her face turned that much redder for being upside down. “Pinkie,” Fluttershy finally managed, gasping. “Y-you—startled me.”
Pinkie's embarrassment showed this time. Her ears folded back and she blushed, grinning apologetically. “Oh. Sorry.” Her tone was less excited, but, in foalish innocence, her perkiness returned the moment Fluttershy uttered a timid pardon. “I'll just, uh ... let you clean yourself up, then!” Having the good grace to at least act embarrassed still, Pinkie turned away and let Fluttershy make her way to the adjoining bathroom.
Fortunately, Fluttershy's affinity for French culture extended beyond her taste for haute couture into bathroom fixtures. A bidet had many uses, of which the pegasus was especially fond, even if, recently, she used it much less frequently.
Fluttershy returned to find Pinkie Pie trying to teach Gummy how to whistle a waiting tune. “Um ...”
Pinkie turned to find the pegasus brushed and ready for the day. “I tell ya!” The pink pony held up one hoof to shield Gummy from the harsh truth, speaking in a loud whisper. “This alligator cannot whistle.”
“A-alligators can't whistle,” Fluttershy attempted to explain, but realized too late that it was a lost cause.
Pinkie gasped. “Don't listen to her, Gummy!” She covered his ear slits. “Let the poor gator dream, Shy!” Promptly, she tossed the toothless reptile to her mane where he latched onto what must surely be cotton candy for its similar shape and color.
“So, I see you managed to take care of that ghost problem you were having!” The topic changed before Fluttershy had a chance to react to the last comment, but she was used to that when it came to dealing with Pinkie Pie.
“Uhm ... well, yes, I—I guess. You didn't see the sign next to the path?”
“Nopey-dopey!”
“Oh. Well, then ... yes.”
Fluttershy made her way down the twisting staircase from her room with a spiraling glide and an uneasy landing, Pinkie following behind. As Fluttershy passed an empty food dish, she realized she'd once again forgotten to feed Angel dinner, and, suddenly, the reason for the sign's disappearance became more clear to her. She sighed and went to feeding the indoor critters, leaving Angel's salad for him to find in its usual place, knowing he preferred to stay away when her more raucous friends—usually Pinkie or Discord—visited.
Pinkie was used to the routine and had helped out enough mornings to know where she could lend a hoof. While Fluttershy moved slowly, only nodding with brief verbal acknowledgments to the younger pink mare, Pinkie bounced, cartwheeled, and chattered about, completing most of the chores before Fluttershy got to them in half the time Fluttershy would have if she'd been at peak performance. Pinkie's job was only a quarter as pleasant to the animals, but neither they nor Fluttershy complained in light of the week's neglect and struggle.
Immediately after morning chores, Pinkie went ahead of Fluttershy to the cottage kitchen and began pulling out ingredients to bake something predictably saccharine. The pink mare worked unusually quietly, fervently. While, normally, she'd have invited her pegasus friend to help, Fluttershy was relieved instead to have a moment to sit and rest. Energy and focus weren't things she had much of at the moment thanks to restless nights, yet both would have been required to keep up with Pinkie Pie.
Meanwhile, the melancholy mare let a mask settle loosely over her misery to try and prevent any probing questions. Fluttershy tried putting on a smile. With effort she managed an uncomfortable grin. It wouldn't hold long before tears stung at her eyes, and Fluttershy fell back to the emotionless zombie-like state she'd been in since the end of the meeting with Twilight, Rarity, and Sweetie Belle. Pinkie would notice the fake easily if she were even a little attentive. Fluttershy hoped that today she might be fortunate enough to avoid trying to convince Pinkie she was alright, but, with her luck lately, thought Fluttershy, it didn't seem at all likely.
“Lick this!” a commanding call came from across the kitchen, followed closely by the clatter of a batter-coated bowl and beater falling neatly into place in front of Fluttershy.
Not particularly in the mood for anything, but not wanting to raise suspicion, Fluttershy reluctantly obeyed. It was sugary, as expected, and smelled and tasted like strawberry cake mix—really good strawberry cake mix.
Fluttershy managed to show a little improvement in her enthusiasm as she lapped at the whisk and bowl, lifting the bowl and cleaning it out dutifully. She'd somehow forgotten how much she appreciated Pinkie Pie's sweets. Having mostly nibbled on raw clover and alfalfa the last week, and really only concerning herself with a full meal once a day when Twilight could afford the time to visit and ensure she ate, Fluttershy truly enjoyed something sweet for a change.
The hungry mare had mostly finished when, as if waiting for her to consume enough food for energy, tears began to flow unbidden. Silently, Fluttershy cursed herself. Trying to regain control, feigning that there was still plenty of batter left, Fluttershy let herself hide behind the bowl.
There, she sobbed silently for far longer than anypony would have needed to clean out a bowl. Pinkie watched from across the kitchen once she'd finished mixing up the frosting, saying nothing, waiting patiently for the kitchen timer.
It dinged.
Out Pinkie pulled two trays of cupcakes. In a flash they were plucked out carefully from the tray, frosted generously, and served, half a dozen, on a clean plate to her friend. Pinkie sat across from Fluttershy and waited once more. Knowing that she'd been discovered, Fluttershy lowered the bowl to peek over with sparkling, sorrow-filled eyes.
Pinkie met her gaze sympathetically. “You don't have to stop licking if you're not ready to.” Pinkie spoke brightly, but tenderly.
Fluttershy covered her face again, gratefully, squeaking emotionally and sniffling as she continued to let it out. By the time she finally stopped, the cupcakes had cooled somewhat.
Pinkie Pie sat ready for her, uncharacteristically patient. As Fluttershy put down the bowl, the perky little mare offered her a party napkin. “I don't usually carry tissues or handkerchiefs around, but maybe you can use this.”
“Thank you.” Fluttershy took the napkin, dabbed at her eyes, then blew.
“You missed some,” Pinkie pointed to Fluttershy's snout.
Fluttershy quickly raised the tissue back to her face, embarrassed.
“No, silly! I meant cake mix! Riiight there.” She booped the yellow pegasus, wiping off a little bit of the mix with her hoof, then tasting it. Fluttershy was a little grossed out, but didn't dwell on it. The pink pony hummed a high-pitched “Mmmm!” and Fluttershy licked awkwardly at the tip of her snout for a moment, cross-eyed, to get most of the rest, then wiped it clean with the unused part of the napkin.
“No wonder you were licking the bowl for so long! That's good! ” Pinkie chuckled merrily at her own act, and Fluttershy couldn't help but smile a little. “Hopefully the end results taste even yummier!”
Fluttershy eyed the cupcakes hungrily.
“Wait!” Pinkie went wide-eyed. “How could I almost forget?!” Pinkie reached into her mane and withdrew, “Sprinkles!” After generously applying the multicolored embellishments, Pinkie inspected her work closely then nodded. “There! Eat up!”
Fluttershy took one tentatively in her teeth, watching for Pinkie in case there was anything left to add. When the young pink pony only smiled with a twinkle in her eyes, Fluttershy chomped the cupcake whole.
She felt more sweet energy in her tired body. It tasted like heaven and reminded her of the closest thing she'd felt to heaven. Though she didn't quit eating, tears ran down Fluttershy's cheeks afresh. In spite of them, relief washed through her, and a tenuous smile held as she chewed.
Pinkie was wide-eyed again, uncomprehending at the sight of her friend's teary smile. Quickly, she took a cupcake from the second tray, sprinkled it, and ate it in one bite as she'd seen Fluttershy do. It was good! One of her best, but not that good.
Pinkie munched the remainder of her half dozen quietly with Fluttershy, tossing one to Gummy, and she pondered. Maybe Fluttershy would tell her soon what was happening. Maybe she'd tell her after it was over, or maybe it would all come to her in a wave of inspiration like things sometimes did.
Pinkie stayed throughout the afternoon and into the early evening, making more cupcakes for lunch and pie for dinner, playing hooky from work, meanwhile, to help around the cottage. If Pinkie hadn't had such a capricious reputation with her employers already, Fluttershy might have put up more resistance, but, as the pegasus had been very out of sorts recently, she couldn't complain when Pinkie told her not to worry her pretty little head, and helped her catch up on work.
Finally, Fluttershy refilled Gummy's gum-polishing paste before Pinkie gave her a farewell hug. “I have a funny feeling in my left nostril that tells me the beware ghosts sign is hidden at Harry's underneath his bed, by the way.”
“Oh! Umm ... Thank you for telling me.” Fluttershy became bashful.
“Fluttershy,” Pinkie addressed her friend candidly.
Fluttershy looked back cautiously.
“If you really don't wanna talk, it's okay, but ... please don't put the sign back up ... unless ... unless there really are ghosts.” Pinkie looked about nervously.
Fluttershy nodded, smiling, her eyes wet again as they'd been most of the day. “I Pinkie promise.” Fluttershy crossed her heart and covered her right eye. “Now that Angel knows, I think, I might have to get rid of that sign altogether, actually, or he might—um, I mean ... never mind. I won't put it up any more ... and I'm really sorry I was keeping you away.” Fluttershy truly regretted it after the time they'd spent together.
The two hugged again, and, as Pinkie bounced away, so did part of Fluttershy's burden.
Author's Note
Last revised 10 February 2015
Original Note:
I'm pleased with how the Pinkie portion turned out, at least. Feel free to disagree, of course. Feedback welcome, 'n such.
Sources:http://leetea.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Prepare-Chamomile-Tea http://mlpforums.com/topic/64869-pinkies-family-revealed/?p=1608604 http://www.theequinest.com/care/food/hay/ https://derpiboo.ru/16625
Edit (8/19/14) : Thanks to Setokaiva for proofreading.
“Let's consider what we know or might assume so far.”
With magically levitated chalk, Twilight scrawled in capital letters across the top left of a large chalk board, “ADULT SEX.” In three chairs, facing the board, sat her friends and captive audience.
Despite Twilight's worry for the couple, Rarity's need for time had been a relief to the new princess. She'd had time to polish her presentation, taken the opportunity to focus her preparation more on Rarity's unanswered question from the last meeting, and taken the chance to try and change the stiff atmosphere—in her view, anyway—of sitting across one another at the table to more of a classroom setting instead. The chance now to instruct was one Twilight managed to relish, even despite the obvious tension of her students.
“Sweetie Belle, why don't you start us off, please?” Twilight deferred to the pony with the most recent experience in classroom participation. “What is one of the consequences of sex between adults?” she quizzed.
Sweetie recalled her studies over the course of the first couple weeks of her relationship with Fluttershy. “You want just one?” The last syllable cracked.
Twilight was pleased with the response. “Alright then. Please list as many as you can think of.”
Sweetie raised a hoof to her chin. “Well,” she drew out the word thoughtfully, “a mare can get pregnant with a stallion.” Sweetie watched Twilight write 'pregnancy' below the title. “There's the chance of getting an STD. There's feeling closer to your special somepony, comforted, making each other happy, feeling more confident.” She tapped her chin, trying to recall more. “There's the risk one pony or both ponies might not feel satisfied, might accidentally get hurt if they're not careful, or have other problems. And sex changes your relationships outside of your marriage too, like what others think of you and how much time you spend with other friends,” Sweetie finished.
Twilight listed illness, intimacy, comfort, approval, confidence, dissatisfaction, injury/health worries, reputation change, and priorities change. “Very good!” Twilight praised. “Any more, Rarity?”
Rarity was dumbstruck for a moment at the foal's impressive list. She cleared her head, shaking it, before thinking. “Very good indeed, little sister! Perhaps, I'd add, it's a bit of a risky business emotionally, even with a spouse. ... There can be guilty feelings, regret. ... A pony can feel they may have made a terrible mistake, entering into something too soon.”
Twilight listed guilt, regret, and alienation.
“Thank you, Rarity. Fluttershy?” Twilight addressed the yellow mare last.
The pegasus sat to Rarity's left, separated from Sweetie Belle. In an effort to appear in good form, she'd kept to her usual grooming standards, but the bags beneath her eyes and subtle wobbling in her neck betrayed her prolonged lack of a good night's sleep.
“Mm ... does 'guilt' include feeling ... like you might be going against what you believe in? And also, maybe ... it can, um, be something you feel you should do, so ... the opposite of guilt.”
Fluttershy managed to make Twilight pause while she decided how best to simplify into key words for the list's sake.
“No need to worry about duplicate or similar items,” Twilight answered.
After a moment, she wrote “ethical/value conflicts” and “fulfillment.”
“That looks like a good list,” Twilight affirmed. “Anything else?”
Three ponies sat blinking and staring.
“Oh! I think I remember one more,” Twilight added.
At the bottom of the list, Twilight wrote, “improved health.”
“Ponies who engage in coitus regularly experience improved reflexes, weight management (both on the upper and lower), cardiovascular health, more energy, and—oh right! Another I almost forgot—” Twilight added still more to the list, “energy and more diligent hygiene for one's partner not only mean improved health, but also greater charisma. That can mean more success professionally and greater rewards in other relationships—a bit of overlap with what Sweetie mentioned, though unrelated to whether or not others actually know a pony is in a relationship.”
The words “charisma” and “success” appeared on the board.
“That's also not to be confused with improved self-image or confidence, also as Sweetie mentioned.” Twilight smiled proudly at her youngest pupil.
With a “Hmm ...” Twilight wordlessly added “drive change” to the bottom, reaching the lower edge of the chalk board.
“If we look carefully, consider carefully ... we find out a couple of important things about the items on this list.”
Twilight drew two vertical lines to separate three empty columns on the empty half of the board, set the chalk down, and focused. Enveloped in her magic, the listed items on the board began to peel and lift gently then move in a way that reminded Sweetie Belle of Miss Cheerilee adjusting cut-outs on a felt board, Twilight arranged some into small groups while leaving others apart by themselves. Finally, group by group, Twilight placed the words within the columns.
pregnancy
intimacy alienation
approval
comfort dissatisfaction
confidence regret
improved health injury/health worries
reputation change
priorities change
fulfillment ethical/value conflicts guilt
charisma
success
motivation
“To put it simply, many of these can be both good and bad for us, or are two sides of the same issue,” Twilight explained.
With the chalk again, the purple mare added new titles to each column, “Positive | Neutral | Negative.” Three pupils seemed interested, even if one of them was very tired.
“We can even start to see issues we missed if we consider that, in fact, every item here has a potential positive and negative side. For example,” Twilight began to fill in some blanks, “it's just as possible, if we're not careful, to make our sexual partner unhappy, garnering dis approval. Disapproval and regret can cause a pony to value herself less, take worse care of herself, and have less will to succeed, thus turning charisma and success into, well ... unattractiveness and failure.” She couldn't think of a more delicate way to put it, but quickly decided it didn't matter.
“We can also expand the neutral items into positive and negative or summarize two opposites into a neutral item.” Twilight quickly filled in the rest of the table and made various tweaks to preexisting items.
Positive Neutral Negative
family pregnancy disownment/adoption
intimacy emotional distance alienation
approval partner's attitude disapproval
comfort/satisfaction well-being dissatisfaction/discomfort
confidence/peace contentment regret/doubt
improved health health injury/health worries
popularity reputation ostracism
good adjustment priorities maladjustment
fulfillment ethical/value conflicts guilt
charisma appearances unattractiveness
success goal attainment failure
trying harder motivation giving up
The lavender librarian stepped back to inspect her work for a moment before continuing.
“There are potentially many more things we could add here, but this should be adequate for now.” Twilight turned back to her friends. “Are there any questions so far?”
Sweetie Belle raised her hoof just as Rarity opened her mouth to speak. Noticing her sister's superior classroom etiquette, Rarity stopped in time to save herself from embarrassment, and slowly raised her own hoof as well. It had been too long since she'd attended any scholastic event, Rarity decided.
“Yes, Sweetie Belle?” Twilight went with who'd raised her hoof first.
“What does ostracism mean?” Sweetie asked.
“Thank you for asking. Ostracism means being outcast, shunned, or excluded by other ponies.”
Sweetie Belle nodded and thought of Zecora. She'd guessed the word's meaning by the context, but figured it couldn't hurt to make sure. Twilight, like Miss Cheerilee, usually praised her for asking questions, so she never hesitated to do so.
“Yes, Rarity?” Twilight turned to the mare.
“If it's no trouble, Dear, would you mind offering an example of the last set? Trying harder and giving up at what exactly, in this case?”
“Well,” Twilight paused, smiling, “in the case of two average ponies, one or both may feel more driven, based on the quality of their relationship and the sex itself, in any number of endeavors pertaining to repeating a rewarding sexual experience or avoiding an unpleasant one. On the other end, they may also lose part or all of their will to maintain or improve their sexual experience.”
Twilight's matter-of-fact expression faltered and her ears flattened seeing three sets of confused stares. “This is, umm ... more a consequence of relationship often, but sexual experience is never independent of relationship, after all, and vice versa,” Twilight added, compelled to be thorough even if they didn't seem to understand. “Of course, you asked for an example, and I'm very glad you did, because there's a phenomenal one on either side of you right now.”
Twilight looked between Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle, and Rarity followed her gaze, confused still, but intrigued.
“I want to explain what I mean, but let me ask you first—all three of you—do you think anything on this table,” she indicated the board, “might change if I were to change 'adult.'” Twilight erased the word from the original title, “to 'foal?'” and wrote the new word in its place.
The title “FOAL SEX” struck Rarity harshly, and she cringed.
“Must it be so crudely stated?” Even as Rarity objected, she felt she knew the answer.
“I'm sorry, Rarity. I think we both know there's no sense in skirting the matter.” Twilight sounded apologetic despite her answer.
Rarity sighed with a grimace.
Sweetie Belle already had her hoof raised again.
“Yes, Sweetie Belle,” Twilight acknowledged.
“I think we should add, um ... breaking the law,” the filly suggested.
“Excellent!”
Twilight wrote, “approbation | legal | conviction,” at the bottom of the table.
“Although it's been many, many years since foal sexual relationships were allowed, there was a time in pre-Equestrian history. In other cultures, it's not inconceivable or even uncommon today for parents to give permission for certain foal marriages. In the case of adult sexual relationships, there are both positive and negative legal consequences as well, depending on where you live, but, generally, they're not as remarkable as in the case of foal relations. Approbation,” Twilight anticipated Sweetie's vocabulary questions, “means to support something officially, in this case by law, or make it legal. Conviction, in this case, means to find somepony guilty of breaking the law.”
Rarity remembered to raise her hoof before her next comment.
“Yes, Rarity.”
“Even if it were legal, could there really be the same positive side to ... foal sex,” the term exited with difficulty from the white mare's lips, “as there is to adult sex?”
At this, Twilight smiled, pleased that the segue she'd planned had come so perfectly. “That is exactly the question I struggled with the most when I first started to investigate the issue. It's also the question that, I'm very pleased to say, I've had a recent breakthrough in answering.”
Fluttershy, who, until that moment, had struggled to focus, suddenly perked hopefully, her interest piqued. She hadn't helped Twilight with research since the Summer Sun Celebration, but, as far as she could remember, there hadn't been much in the way of research supporting the relationship she and Sweetie Belle yearned for. Now that she thought about it, Fluttershy did recall Twilight mentioning she'd found something that would help not long after the celebration, but she hadn't asked what, and Twilight hadn't elaborated. Between her anxiety about confessing to Rarity and the harrowing aftermath, Fluttershy had forgotten until just then, despite the purple pony's attempts to reassure her the past week.
Twilight noticed the change in the quiet pony and went on to explain. “Most of my research on the topic, up until the Summer Sun Celebration, consisted of ordering books and journals from the Canterlot Archives. I've made many valuable discoveries, however I've had to be very careful only to order materials that are publicly accessible, or else only tangentially related to the topic of adult/foal relations, since anypony might suspect that I, and not some other patron, could be researching the topic so intensely. If, say, the head at the Canterlot Archives saw several orders for books about foal sex abuse that only I had authority to request, or even just one directly-related order, in light of the number of public orders from Golden Oaks Library for similar literature, it might have started rumors.
“I had the chance, however, shortly after the celebration, to visit the restricted sections of the archives myself directly, leaving no record of what I'd accessed. What I found was a veritable Celestial grail of information and a leap forward in support of Sweetie and Fluttershy's physical relationship.”
Sweetie brightened at this.
“I'll save you the details of how difficult this was to find, even with direct royal access to the restricted sections.” A look of self-satisfaction played across Twilight's features. “In any case, it flies in the face of assumptions made throughout most of the plethora of other modern academic and philosophical sources that I've studied.”
Rarity appeared stoic.
“Before I go over my findings, though, I'll need to give you all a brief history lesson.” The faithful former student flashed a toothy grin.
Twilight flipped the chalk board horizontally by its rotating frame and drew a long horizontal line across the middle of the blank side. “From the earliest literature I've found related to foal sexual relationships, the law and public opinion have been mixed. Both the Pegathenian and Pegasan Empires commonly practiced sexual relationships with foals—Pegathenians throughout their entire population and Pegasans most commonly among the wealthy and intellectual elite, but also somewhat among the lower classes. Where the relationships took place outside of wedlock, Pegasan law restricted penetrative acts for freepony foals, but that left room for frottage, um ... a kind of sexual rubbing.”
Sweetie slowly lowered a raised hoof, curious but too timid to ask for more detail.
Rarity turned a shade of green, looking from the corner of her eye as her sister blushed. “Twilight,” Rarity interrupted politely, drawing the purple mare's gaze. “Would it be too much to ask that, until I understand the value of this sort of thing to Sweetie Belle, she either be excluded from the lesson or you censor yourself? I mean no disrespect, but I'm still quite uncomfortable with the notion that somepony so young should be so exposed, even to descriptions of sexual acts, whether or not she may have some ... experience already.” Sweetie looked mortified at whatever inferences she'd made from her sister's reaction.
Twilight nodded in acknowledgment, having anticipated it might arise as an issue. “I'm glad you brought this up, Rarity. Thank you. ... Sweetie Belle,” Twilight addressed the foal whose gaze shifted from Rarity to her. “Does talking about sex with me and your sister make you uncomfortable?”
“N—” she hesitated “—y-yes, a little,” she admitted, though she didn't want to. Twilight was grateful she'd been honest.
“Do you still want to talk about it with us?” Twilight queried.
“Yes,” she answered immediately.
“Why do you want to talk about it, if it makes you uncomfortable?”
Sweetie paused for a moment. “Well, I really just want to ... be ready, but also, um,” the filly became slightly embarrassed, “it's interesting ... I guess.”
“Thank you, Sweetie. That's fine,” Twilight tried to reassure her.
“Rarity, can you relate at all? As a younger filly, were you just a tiny bit curious?”
“W-well,” the answer was written on her face, and Rarity made no effort to deny, “isn't that beside the point, Twilight? As long as any of us aren't mature enough, entertaining our curiosity may only be a hindrance, even if we really want to know.”
Fluttershy shrank quietly, too subtly for anypony but Twilight, in clear view, to notice. Twilight thought silently for a moment.
“Maybe you're right, but ... could you be wrong?” Twilight asked as agreeably as she could.
“Yes,” Rarity admitted rationally, “I suppose so, but is it worth the risk?”
A ghost of something passed over Twilight's expression, sorrow maybe.
“That's a good question.” Twilight looked at Fluttershy, who, noticing, in spite of how interesting the floor seemed, looked back. Twilight's eyes conveyed both pity and pleading. “Would you, Fluttershy, feel alright telling us ... how your curiosity about sex started, when you were little?”
“Mm ...” The pegasus's trembled utterance, contracting pupils, darting eyes, and now fully-shrunken form made it clear how she felt about sharing that with Rarity. “A-are you sure it's a good idea to talk about ... that , Twilight?” She didn't say no. Twilight took it as a good sign.
“Not everything, Fluttershy,” Twilight tried to reassure her, “just tell us, if you don't mind too much, for starters, when did you first discover that you had sexual feelings?”
The yellow mare relaxed slightly, realizing that a full account wasn't being requested.
“W-well ... I ...” Fluttershy's glance went sideways to see Rarity focused on her, and she swallowed nervously. “I ...” her voice trembled again.
“Oh!” The off-white mare shut her eyes, reigning back her impatience. “Come now!”
Fluttershy flinched initially, but, quickly realizing Rarity's outburst was pleading, meant in no way to scorn her by either tone or expression, the pegasus was confused.
“You—you look at me like I'm going to attack you!” There was hurt and a slight bit of frustration, but it melted into sorrow even as Rarity completed the sentence. “I care for you, Darling, yet you sit leaning away and trembling. Ohh!” Rarity's eyes glistened and she stopped, shutting them again, not certain what to say and trying not to let emotions get the better of her so early.
Fluttershy's tension abated and remorse took its place, realizing her fear was only hurting her friend. “Rarity,” she spoke the name emotionally, “I'm sorry ... really.” Her friend looked at her again, still hurt. “I ... I thought you might stay angry with me longer, after everything that's happened.”
Rarity breathed in calmingly, and breathed out her pain. “I ... can understand why you'd think that, but the past week has given me time enough to realize that, were I in your position, whether or not I'd have acted the same, it would have been very difficult for me to confess as you've done, and ... I still love you as a friend, no matter how shocked or uncertain I may feel about any of this ... I promise.” She hoped to regain her friend's trust.
Rarity took a handkerchief preemptively and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. Fluttershy, unwilling to see her friend's sorrow without doing something, stood, crossed the gap between them, and hugged her. The two rested in each other's embrace, and, as each felt reassured, her hold loosened and she let go. Fluttershy stepped back and looked at Rarity with a mixture of worry and regret.
“I'm just,” Fluttershy sighed, and her eyes watered. “I'm not really normal, and I keep feeling like, at any moment, it might be ... too much for our friendship to handle ... but I don't want to lose you as a friend ... I promise.”
Rarity smiled with sympathetic eyes and shook her head. “I won't abandon you, Darling. After all, we are going to be sisters some day, maybe soon.” Rarity let the statement hang between them significantly.
Still frowning, Fluttershy's mouth hung open slightly and her focus became distant as she took in the full meaning. Sisters? Several moments later, the pegasus smiled back, and sorrow fled from her eyes. Rarity was right, and it was something to be immensely happy about. Why hadn't she realized it before? If not for the circumstances and how absolutely tired she felt, Fluttershy might have burst into squeals of celebratory delight, yet at least a hundred other worries still weighed on her. Instead, Fluttershy hugged the elegant unicorn once again, relieved that Rarity truly meant it when she said she loved her.
“You're right.” Fluttershy conceded happily. “Oh, thank you so much, Rarity!” As stressed as she'd been, and in spite of her remaining doubts, Fluttershy grasped desperately at the friend's open acceptance of her as a future sister.
“Of course, Fluttershy, Darling.”
The two nuzzled against each other's cheek before Fluttershy pulled back again and looked at Sweetie Belle. The filly was full of the same happiness she felt, moved by the exchange, and relieved to see her fiancée smile for the first time since she'd last seen her. It was, in fact, the first time Fluttershy had felt truly happy since their last meeting.
Sweetie held onto her seat with her hooves to keep from embracing the sunshine she'd missed so much. Fluttershy, with some effort, turned to go back to her seat, but her happiness remained. She couldn't hold Sweetie yet, but she would eventually, maybe sooner than she'd dared to hope, if what Rarity had said was any indication.
“Darling,” Rarity addressed Fluttershy again as soon as she'd returned to her seat. “Don't hold back. Sisters should tell important secrets to each other.”
Still smiling, Rarity turned her head momentarily to look at Sweetie Belle who returned a small grin. Twilight, meanwhile, looked happy and relieved as well.
“Alright.” Fluttershy spoke with determination. “I'll do my best. ... Um, Twilight. Could you repeat the question, please?”
“Of course,” Twilight had renewed enthusiasm in her tone. “Um,” she had to think a moment to recover her train of thought. “Oh, right. When did you first start having sexual feelings?”
Fluttershy shut her eyes and focused, thinking back to what she was going to answer before her nerves got the better of her. After clearing her voice, she responded. “I was … about one year old, though it's sort of impossible to remember for certain. I don't think I was two yet, though.”
Rarity went wide-eyed. “You—that early? ” Rarity was surprised.
Fluttershy nodded seriously.
“How can you even remember anything from that age?” Rarity was amazed.
“I ... I don't know, really, but I'm sure it happened.” Fluttershy confirmed.
“Infantile amnesia, the loss of memories from an early age, persists as late as three and a half years old.” Twilight stated matter-of-factly. “However, there are exceptions. In Fluttershy's case, the event seems to have been of sufficient importance to her early foalhood and adolescent self that she replayed the memory enough to recall it after years, even over a decade and a half, had passed. Many details may have been lost, but her memory, or memory of the memory, more accurately, may still be, um ... accurate.”
“It is,” Fluttershy insisted softly.
“Oh, yes. I don't mean to place doubt on your claim.” Twilight excused. “Just speaking generally, such an early memory may be accurate, and where the pony recalling it is certain, well, depending on how certain she is, it's more likely to be trustworthy.”
Fluttershy nodded. “I understand. Yes, I'm convinced it happened because of the memory of what happened after.”
“Well then ... what was it?” Rarity interjected curiously.
Sweetie Belle looked across at Fluttershy, equally curious. “Tell me, too!” the filly urged.
Suddenly Rarity bit her lip, realizing the risk she'd taken of exposing her sister yet again to information best suited for a mature audience.
“I-it was nothing, well ... nothing big, except to me, at that age. I ... I was just having my diaper changed. I remember being changed quite a number of times, especially since I, um ... I potty trained kind of late, but this time was different, and I can't remember other times from that age and younger. It stood out to me because I felt something strange and new, and I wanted to feel it again. Because of that feeling, I asked my mom about it, but, the details about what she said are fuzzy. ... That's all that really happened, and, actually, I only came to assume it meant I was ... a-aroused much later, when I was closer to Sweetie's age.
“And if that assumption means it's not believable,” Fluttershy continued, now feeling more comfortable about opening up, “then I guess the next time I can remember asking my mom about feeling aroused, was, um ... well, I guess about three years old when I wanted to know why the shower water felt funny, wh—w-well ... you get the idea.”
“I ... don't get the idea,” Sweetie interjected. “What was happening in the shower?”
Fluttershy and Twilight both turned to Rarity who wasn't sure what to say.
“Maybe it would be better if we waited—” Twilight began.
“It's alright,” Rarity interrupted. “Sweetie has proven to be responsible, and, I admit, maybe I am a bit over-protective. Just for now, I'll fill in some of the gaps for Sweetie Belle, and, until I understand that she might need more direct information, I do appreciate that you let me be her filter.” Rarity looked to both of her mature friends with a small smile who, understanding, smiled back nodding.
Sweetie looked sardonically at her sister, not sure exactly what she meant by being her filter, but not liking the sound of it.
As she turned to address the foal, Rarity noticed Sweetie's irritated expression. “What's the matter, Sweetie Belle?”
“What do you mean, 'fill in some of the gaps,' and being my filter?”
“I mean that I'll explain things to you, as I feel it appropriate,” she clarified patiently for the little filly.
“So, you get to decide what I know and don't know?” Sweetie failed to hide her indignation.
“Well, don't think of it as a bad thing,” Rarity attempted to persuade her younger sibling, and would have said more, but, with a sigh, Sweetie submitted.
“Fine.” She crossed her forelegs grumpily and bit back what she was thinking. Important secrets. Hah!
“There now. Let's see, where were we? Ah, yes. ... S-showers. ... L-let's see, then. Ah ... you see, Sweetie Belle, if a filly gets sprayed between the back legs with a shower, i-it, well ...”
“She gets aroused. I got it. It's not a big deal.” Sweetie finished abruptly as soon as she understood, rolling her eyes, forelegs still crossed.
Rarity looked slightly miffed at the foal's attitude, but took it in stride. “Yes. Well ... let's move on, then.”
Rarity turned her attention back to Twilight who chose not to comment on the matter, but cleared her throat and continued her interview with Fluttershy. “So, Fluttershy. As a foal, what do you remember your mother, or anypony else, telling you about sex?”
The pegasus was thoughtful. “Well, not much. I guess Mom told me where foals come from really early on, but she didn't explain more than the basics. I think she told me what the act of sex was—that it happens between married ponies and what goes into where, and she maybe even said it feels good, and that was fine for me then, but, honestly, I don't remember the details any more, except that I know I must have known it.
“I figure that's true because she once reminded me of the sex talk we'd had after I'd grown up a bit, and she asked if I had any more questions. I was only about eight then, so the first talk she gave me must have been much younger, or maybe I didn't pay close attention. ... I can't think of anything else, but I know there were some fillies during slumber parties and at flight camp that would tell stories and off-color jokes, and I got some ideas and information there.”
Twilight nodded. “When do you remember starting masturbation?”
Fluttershy turned red. If not for Twilight already knowing, Rarity's trustworthiness, and knowing that it had to be important to whatever point Twilight was trying to make, the timid mare wouldn't have divulged the information so easily. “About ... two and a half years old,” she stated bravely.
Rarity was silently baffled.
“And you asked your mom about what you'd discovered?” Twilight helped the history along.
“Yes. ... She didn't really explain it to me. I think she seemed uncomfortable about it, or maybe I'm just remembering other times, but I do know that I couldn't explain myself to her well, and I didn't know what had happened, and I repeated it later, because it felt good.”
“When did you come to fully understand what masturbation was?”
“Well, I ... I guess that depends on what you mean by fully understand. ... I knew the moral consequences last, when I was about fourteen, after I'd looked up the meaning of the word in a dictionary, because I heard a pony warn about it by that name in a youth sermon, but I'd thought it—m-masturbation—had to do with sex ever since I started experimenting in grade school.
“Even before then, I knew, though I'm not sure when, that it was something to keep private. I think it was shortly after I started kindergarten because, I guess, I got caught, um, doing some things—” Fluttershy skirted the issue initially, but forced out the full truth “—playing with myself, and the teachers told my mother to explain it to me.” Fluttershy pressed on through the embarrassment. “I remember my mom telling me not to touch myself when I'm around other ponies, and I guess that may have been when I learned to hide fondling, but ... but masturbation, to orgasm I mean, actually was something I always did w-without ... touching myself, and I didn't really get caught, so that took me longer to learn to hide. ... Like I said, I'm still not sure when that happened.”
In spite of feeling bad for her fillyfriend's embarrassment, Sweetie wanted to ask how she managed to masturbate without touching herself. Fearing Rarity might be the one to answer or that she might simply deny her an answer, however, Sweetie remained silent. Rarity listened with interest, reluctant to believe how young the pegasus had been, but not left any reason to doubt.
“Thank you for being so open, Fluttershy. And thank you , Rarity and Sweetie, for your patience and attention. I just have one more question.” She addressed the pegasus. “Do you, Fluttershy, feel it would have helped you as a younger foal if somepony had patiently, without shame, explained exactly what your sexual feelings and masturbation were?”
“Shame?” Rarity interjected, unsure about, but uncomfortable with the implication she felt attacking her standards.
Twilight held up a hoof. “Please, Rarity. I'm not talking about you necessarily, and this is important.” Twilight was apologetic, but insistent.
Rarity held her tongue.
Fluttershy took a deep breath. “I guess, honestly, I'll never know.” She looked from Twilight to the floor. “I do know what it's like to have those questions ignored, though ... and worse. ... If I had to guess, I'd say—” Fluttershy hesitated, and, in spite of herself, she couldn't help but look ever so briefly askance at Rarity “—I'd say it would have saved me from a lot of self-doubt.” She began to swallow her self-pity, but caught herself, and, thinking of Sweetie, she pressed on. “I'd have known better that I was loved.” Her voice trembled slightly.
Fluttershy looked to see she'd left the impression she'd hoped on Rarity and, barely in time, managed to press back and lock away the hurt once more. The elegant mare was caught off guard by what Fluttershy had said, but appeared even more distressed for the fact that she'd looked at her as she'd said it—at least, as much as Fluttershy looks at anypony while nervous.
“Thank you again.” Twilight responded. “Rarity,” Twilight addressed the mare seriously. “I have no doubt ... and I think we all agree, you truly love Sweetie Belle. You only want what's best for her.”
Rarity nodded and looked worriedly at the filly to her right. Sweetie smiled at her apologetically, sorry for having been short with her; Rarity returned a concerned smile.
“It's natural to be concerned about risks, psychological, moral, and others, when it comes to ponies you care about so deeply.” Twilight reassured.
Rarity saw, from the corner of her eye, Fluttershy's nod at her, and felt slightly better, knowing her friends didn't misunderstand her concern.
“I'm going to do my best to explain what research shows about the risks to underage ponies as far as sex goes,” Twilight continued, “but, I admit, it's not perfect. If you feel the risk is greater for her to know the history and findings firsthoof than not to, then, by all means ... she's your precious little sister, and you're responsible for her. You have a difficult choice,” Twilight acknowledged.
“Now that you've heard another perspective, I'd like to ask you what you asked me. ... I'll support whatever you decide.” Twilight assured her, “Is it worth the risk?”
There was a tense pause as Rarity considered.
“I ... see your point.” Rarity looked grievingly at Fluttershy and wondered what all the pegasus had been through. “I'll take this into consideration, then, but I still reserve the right to censor if I feel compelled. ... I admit ... it seems Sweetie should know, and I can't teach her everything. ... I just never imagined any foal would need to know so much so young.”
Rarity looked worriedly at Sweetie yet again, and Sweetie wasn't sure how to feel about it any more. It was clear that Rarity saw her for her youth still, but she also seemed to recognize that that shouldn't stop her from learning and growing at her own pace, even if it seemed fast.
“Proceed then, if you will, Twilight.” Rarity turned her gaze downward, hoping she wouldn't regret the decision. “I won't stop you as you describe the more ... mature details, unless I feel strongly. ... I feel like you have a better handle on explaining than I do, anyway.” She looked up almost sheepishly at the studious mare.
Twilight's answering smile was full of appreciation for the care and devotion she saw in the friend for her little sister. The regal mare would have understood, not held it against Rarity either way, but this, she thought, was the wiser choice. “Sweetie Belle, what do you think?” Twilight asked the filly. “Are you satisfied you'll have your questions answered, except if Rarity feels strongly about you waiting?”
Sweetie took a moment to consider the compromise.
“I'm satisfied,” she attempted her most mature sounding agreement, nodding at Rarity seriously, then smiling widely.
Rarity smiled back with trepidation, happy Sweetie finally seemed content, but ever ill at ease, regardless.
“Alright. I'll do my best to make it so you won't regret this, Rarity.”
The air in the room seemed to clear for all but the elder sister as Twilight picked up where she left off.
“I was saying ... Pegasan freepony foals, those born as citizens, were protected by law from penetrative and any other sex unwanted by the foal. The slave class wasn't so lucky. Much earlier in Pegathenia, the main restriction seemed to be against forced rape—pardon the pleonasm, er ... redundancy? Uhm ... excuse the seemingly unnecessary repetition in word choice.” Twilight managed to rephrase so that Sweetie's hoof finally lowered. “However,” she continued, but suddenly Sweetie's hoof shot up again. “Y-yes, Sweetie?”
“It's repetitive to say 'forced rape?'” Sweetie asked.
“That's right, most of the time. Yes,” Twilight responded.
“What about this time?” the filly questioned.
Twilight considered whether she could answer without yet another long digression. She decided to try for Sweetie's sake. “It has to do with how we define rape. Currently, under Equestrian law, any penetration of a foal for sexual gratification is technically considered rape—statutory rape, to be precise. Even when it's wanted by the foal, it's still considered rape, regardless. Here, I say forced rape, meaning unwanted sex, to separate it from what our law calls statutory rape, or, in other words, sex wanted by a foal but too young to legally give consent or agree to sex. Does that answer your question?”
Sweetie Belle thought for a moment and then nodded.
“Alright,” Twilight smiled. “I was saying, the Pegathenians allowed certain kinds of potentially painful penetrative sex, however there was more responsibility for the adult to take care of and educate the foal than for Pegasans. Whether in Roam or Pegathenia, of course, not all agreed that typical adult-foal relations were an asset to their culture.”
“While a preponderance of Pegathenians—the majority or most of them,” Twilight clarified for Sweetie, as unconcerned about continuing to use difficult words as she was about defining them on the fly, “thought that adult-foal relationships greatly helped their society, some, like the philosopher Plaithoof, believed that any unmarried relationship ought to remain nonsexual, something like sisterhood. This is actually where the term 'platonic love' originates.” Twilight squeed nerdily.
“Specifically, she wrote that erotic—sexual—love for a foal outside of marriage, ought to sublimate—refine, purify, and elevate itself—from admiration of a lover's virtues, instead, to a love of virtue itself. She didn't condemn foal sexual relationships necessarily, only those that took place out of wedlock. However, the only culturally-encouraged form of extramarital sexuality—sex outside of marriage—was the practice of adult-foal sexual relationships where both were citizens, for reasons I'll explain. In any case, Plaithoof proposed, no form of extramarital sexuality should exist in an ideal society. Does this make sense?” Twilight looked expectantly at the three ponies.
“So, um,” Fluttershy stopped herself and raised a hoof.
“Yes, Fluttershy.”
“Um, what you're saying is that some foal s-sexual relationships were married, and Plaithoof and everypony else thought those were okay, but most Pegathenians thought that sexual relationships with unmarried foals were okay too, as long as they were both citizens, and Plaithoof disagreed.”
Twilight nodded. “Yes.”
“But,” Fluttershy went on, “what difference did it make whether they were citizens?”
“Oh! Yes. I should have mentioned. Thanks for asking. Marriages between citizens and non-citizens supposedly happened, including foal marriages, but all records indicate that extramarital sexual relationships with non-citizen foals were looked down upon, unlike with citizen foals, not because they were foals or non-citizens per se, but because sexually willing non-citizen foals were almost all if not exclusively prostitutes. Additionally, no age limit seemed to apply, but, while it was fully legal to hire, say, a non-citizen eight-year old, or even younger, it was still looked down upon, especially for married ponies.”
“O-oh.” Fluttershy balked.
Sweetie Belle's hoof raised.
“Yes, Sweetie Belle.”
“What do you mean, hired? What's a ... a pro-sti-tute?”
Twilight looked to Rarity who nodded. “A prostitute is a pony who agrees to have sex in exchange for money or things. Today, it's illegal in Equestria for anypony to buy or sell sex,” Twilight added. “In fact, if an Equestrian pony is caught buying sex outside of Equestria, she can be arrested when she returns home.”
“O-oh.” Sweetie processed.
“Were there any other questions?” Twilight asked.
When nopony spoke, she continued. “From the opposite point of view, Pegathenians who supported extramarital foal relationships did so under the pretense of a very particular set of circumstances, namely, that such relationships happened no younger than 12 years old, penetration was exclusively non-vaginal, the adult lover was required to have the parents' permission, and the adult was afterward made fully responsible for the young pony's education and training.”
Sweetie's hoof was raised again, and Rarity, anticipating what she thought she might ask, looked slightly more uneasy than she already had.
“Yes,” Twilight addressed the foal.
“If it wasn't in the vagina, then where was it?” Sweetie asked.
Twilight looked again to Rarity who, biting her lip anxiously, though for a moment, and then nodded again.
“They had sex anally, inserted the penis, sometimes other things, into the anus of the foal.” Twilight explained patiently.
Sweetie wasn't sure what to think. In what she'd been given to read up to that point, there'd only been a single brief mention about rubbing the anus during masturbation.
“But ... I poop from there,” she objected with a crack, then, realizing she'd stated the obvious, she added, “Doesn't that ... hurt?”
“It can, yes, if it's not done very slowly and with plenty of lubricant,” Twilight answered. “They likely used oils and ... other things as lubricant to protect the anus from tearing and make it more comfortable for both ponies.” Sweetie cringed at the mention of tearing. “Anal and oral sex were preferred despite any discomfort to keep what was considered a filly's primary virginity—vaginal virginity—for their future spouse. And colts, of course, had no other option when having sex with a stallion.” Twilight paused to let the information sink in.
“Okay,” Sweetie responded eventually, but continued to try and wrap her mind around everything.
“You know you can always ask me or Rarity if you have more questions,” Twilight assured.
Sweetie nodded, and, after a moment, Twilight moved on.
“Pegasans, on the other hoof, were less formal about relationships with foals, from simply abusing power—unfairly demanding sexual favors—to carrying on illicit romances with freepony foals. It's no wonder their culture saw a fair number fewer in such relationships. Their entire society appears to have seen far less of an up-side to it all without the obligation to mentor one's foal lover. Regardless, it's valuable for our purposes to observe how they, and others, operated under a different set of morals, especially in light of their reputation as supposedly great ancient civilizations.
“There are a number of other cultures known to have carried on foal relationships, some far more brutish than others, and few as gentle as the Pegasans or responsible as the Pegathenians, at least among their citizens.” Along the time line on the left half of the board, Twilight chalked the names and centuries of various empires so that the first part of the line was almost filled, then paused.
“The Unicornians, like the Pegathenians, based foal relationships on apprenticeship, but, whereas the Pegathenians extolled the quest for virtue through erotic love—believed they became better for loving and having sex with foals—even outside of preexisting marriages, the Unicornians,” Twilight indicated the kingdom on the time line, “rather, were more concerned with passing on property and status, naturally tied to faithful heterosexual monogamy—marriage to one partner with whom they hoped to bear heirs. Unicornian relationships were recorded as happening very young indeed to this end.”
“I feel I should mention, Rarity,” Twilight made an aside, “that, before the Summer Sun Celebration, Sweetie and I discussed the consequences of some of these, the more cruel ones, not in any great detail of course, only as an example of why current laws are what they are, to protect foals.”
Rarity glanced to her right, concerned as ever, but nodded. Sweetie nodded as well, frowning and a little anxious at the memory.
“That doesn't negate the fact—um, make it any less true—that many younger foal relationships were considered loving and helpful among Unicornian royalty, both before and after the establishment of a minimum age for marriage at 12. Of course, any sexual relationship outside of an existing marriage was illegal in that day, and, from then until today, records of romantic relationships with ponies younger than 12 are sparse except in more abusive cases where they were caught and brought to justice. Foal relationships have become more taboo with each generation since then.
“The formation of Equestria, for example, quickly saw the minimum age increase to full adulthood, at the time 16 years old, except with a parent's consent. This seems to have been because, before the union of the tribes, generally, there were fewer instances where parents and communities were displeased with a foal's selection of a mate, yet the gradual mingling of the races after the union meant breaking with traditions, seeking marriage more often for romance and less to please parents or pass on original culture.
“Later still, not long after the commencement of the Celestial monarchy, the princess decided to raise the age of legal adulthood to prevent younger ponies from enlisting in the E.U.P. Protective Pony Platoons. Though unintended, this led to the minimum age for marriage increasing yet again. Still, parents would be able to approve their foals' nuptials as early as age 14 for centuries after. Since we've had the benefit of a just ruler from that time, the law hasn't changed much more, or, rather, there hasn't been much public desire for change since Princess Celestia takes great care to protect the foals of Equestria, though there has been one very important additional force at play, which I'll get to shortly. Hold your guesses, please.” Twilight enthused momentarily, tempting her audience.
An exhausted Fluttershy, a distant Sweetie Belle, and a fretful Rarity stared silently at the lavender librarian. Seeing her audience didn't share her excitement, Twilight shrugged before marking, “adulthood 18 (21 C.M.),” closer to the modern end of the time line, then stepped back with a sigh of relief.
“So, in summary, much of our very own history, and that of others, has seen differing views about foal sexual relationships come and go. Most of these views have been more liberal up until about a millennium ago, whether or not they include foals quite as young or even younger than, well ... Sweetie Belle. ... Are there any more questions so far?”
Hearing her name, Sweetie Belle snapped back from thoughts of a snowy isolated clearing. Likewise, Fluttershy managed to refocus herself. Both tried to catch up by looking at the time line.
Rarity raised a hoof.
“Yes, Rarity?”
“About what Plaithoof said, did she mention any reason unwed ponies shouldn't be sexually intimate?” Rarity asked.
“Certainly. She writes contrasting views from her contemporaries—other philosophers of her day—and comments on these in her texts. In one text, she notes how uncontrolled erotic love stirs up civil strife, not a surprising conclusion since her mentor had a reputation for flirtatiousness and wound up executed, a philosophical martyr, for leading young ponies to oppose the democracy of that era—a system of government ruled by the common pony and not nobles or princesses,” Twilight explained.
“Plaithoof herself appeared to be obsessed with fillies and young mares, both clinging to and fleeing emotionally from her own sexuality after the execution of her mentor. She desired liaisons—forbidden sexual encounters—and acknowledged the power of erotic love like that of divine ecstasy or reaching out to Beauty itself,” Twilight extended a hoof, “but at the same time insisting that pleasure-seeking through sex was a lazy, slavish, ineffective way to actually obtain virtue,” she drew her hoof to her chest, “no matter how much a pony loved the virtues of her partner. The only way to really improve one's self, obtain virtue, and become more worthy of love, was by working hard at it, including exercising self-control. It goes back, as in many of Plaithoof's writings, to the love of wisdom and beauty. Uncontrolled erotic love is an enemy to these, according to her, because it draws desire away from actually doing good, becoming wise and beautiful, to simply admiring, or indulging in good, wise, and beautiful things, particularly one's sexual partner.”
“Why, that's quite profound, Twilight, Dear. Thank you,” Rarity seemed adequately impressed to Twilight.
Fluttershy and Sweetie both appeared to ponder with new perspective.
“Real credit is due to the pony who suffered enough to learn it. I only studied her writings and delivered them, but ... you're welcome.”
Twilight smiled brightly at Rarity. Looking at Fluttershy, the smile became one of growing sympathy. Her friend, thought Twilight, was in much the same predicament as Plaithoof, except that Fluttershy had to fight on both sides. Rather than struggle with self-control alone, she was bound to fight society for the chance to exercise well-tempered erotic love at all.
Fluttershy, however, couldn't envy the Pegathenians. She already knew the histories and more from the help she'd given Twilight, but knowing only made her more grateful to live in Equestria. It was society that reined her back, made controlling herself possible, she felt, if only barely. If that weren't true, then, at least, her repression came with unprecedented freedom for other ponies and the suppression of foal prostitution, among many other unsavory things.
Still, Fluttershy pondered, maybe it would be better if a pony like her didn't exist in such a good, wise, and beautiful land. Here she was now, creating civil strife. Her filly companion supported her, just like the ten who'd supported Plaithoof's mentor, leading to her destruction and the mourning of those close to her. Fluttershy couldn't bear the thought.
“History and philosophy aren't the only place we can look for clues to what impact foal sexual relationships have on ponies and society, of course,” Twilight picked up. “We see many other cultures today that perform foal marriages, some do little to control foal prostitution, and a hoofful more simply have no restrictions on sex of any kind at all, as long as it's free of violence. You all remember the Saddle Arabian delegates who visited Ponyville not long ago, I trust. Their government, for example, has approved marriages as early as 9 years old. It's rare there, but it happens,” Twilight added, seeing Rarity's surprise.
“Also, Ponistan stands out as settling disputes by marrying foals between the ages of 4 and 14. However, my source tells me that less than 4% of foals married before age 19 had any say in who their spouse was, and more than half of all foals are married by age 16. You might think, at least half of the adults were once in the same boat. However, due to plural marriage—polygamy, being married to more than one pony at a time—half of all marriages currently in Ponistan include a pony younger than 18. This means that half the heads of family are likely taking a new foal spouse whenever their current partners are over 18.
“While each family is encouraged to confer together and all involved willingly take new spouses, this is unfortunately not the case in most instances. According to their tradition, only first-born foals are guaranteed the legal right to decide whom to marry. Other foals may be given the privilege by their head of family, but never more than half of a family's foals receive that privilege after the first.
“This is one of the more extreme examples, but, sadly, most other states within that region also disregard the wishes of non-head spouses and foals. Saddle Arabia stands out against these surrounding cultures for equally educating and granting nearly full rights to its secondary citizens—ponies who aren't selected as a head of house.
“Are there any questions?” Twilight checked.
Nopony seemed confused, and nopony raised their hoof, but the group's focus seemed dubious.
“Alrighty then!” Twilight sang, clearly in her element. “There's been a lot covered so far. I—” Twilight hesitated briefly “—prepared a pop-quiz, in case anypony would like to test their knowledge ...” Twilight received deadpan stares from both Rarity and Sweetie Belle while Fluttershy continued to look almost painfully tired, “buuut maybe we should skip right ahead to snack time.”
“Ooh! Snack time?” Sweetie Belle chirped.
Fluttershy and Rarity were caught a bit off guard by the sudden change.
“Yes! It's important to keep energy up when you're learning. I'll disable the shield in case anypony needs some fresh air. I have a bushel of apples picked fresh this morning, and Spike will be bringing us some orange slices and water.”
The thought brought a smile to Fluttershy's face. “I could use a pick-me-up, maybe,” the pegasus admitted.
“And I would appreciate a bit of fresh air,” Rarity commented, still clearly stressed about everything.
“Can I stay and eat with Fluttershy?” Sweetie asked Rarity eagerly with large sparkling eyes.
After a moment, Rarity decided there was no reason not to let her, but she sighed. “Yes, just—you know—keep it kosher,” Rarity allowed.
“No strange things in my mouth. Got it.” Sweetie quipped.
“Not helping,” Rarity looked mildly irritated, but sighed again and left.
The moment her sister was gone, Sweetie leapt to Fluttershy, wrapping her forelegs as tightly around her as she could manage. When the mare's momentary surprise passed, hesitantly, she wrapped one foreleg around the filly and closed her eyes. Sweetie's eyes watered freely. Fluttershy carefully controlled her breath to avoid getting choked up, but her eyes, too, became wet, regardless.
Twilight watched for a moment then summoned the aforementioned bushel. “You seem tired, Fluttershy. Would you like a reinvigorating enchantment ... or maybe one of Spike's mocha-cocoas?”
Fluttershy looked back at the kind purple pony. “No,” her voice trembled a little and she cleared it, “but thank you for the offer, Twilight. A drink of water and a snack is all I'll need, I think.”
“Of course. Feel free to change your mind any time, though. I'm going to send Spike up, now, and check to see if Rarity needs anything.” She looked at the couple thoughtfully. “Keep in mind the shield is down.”
She said no more before leaving the way Rarity had.
Author's Note
Last revised 12 February 2015
Original Note:
Y'all are the best!
Maybe I should also mention, the ancient Greeks on which I based the Pegathenians actually only condoned extramarital sexual relationships between men and boys 12 and older. Saudi Arabia and Pakistan today give full rights to all males and the "secondary citizens" Twilight mentions, in real life, are analogous to all female citizens in those countries.
I adjusted the culture and histories to be gender neutral because I felt like that fit FiM's universe better.
Sources:http://io9.com/5870377/new-evidence-that-children-start-forming-solid-memories-when-they-are-2-years-old http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_marriage http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/plato-friendship/ http://www.examiner.com/article/socrates-and-the-corruption-of-youth https://www.princeton.edu/~pswpc/pdfs/scheidel/060807.pdf https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100918064420AAsLlyu http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_ancient_Greece http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plato%27s_Symposium http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty_in_ancient_Greece http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socrates#Trial_and_death http://users.ox.ac.uk/~jrlucas/libeqsor/platsex.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swara_(custom) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy_in_Pakistan
Edit (8/24/14) : Thanks to Setokaiva for proofreading.
Twilight caught up to Rarity not far from the library outside. “I just wanted to see if there's anything you need or anyway I can help.”
Rarity wasn't sure what to say, uncertain that Twilight could give her the peace of mind she wished for. She sighed. “I don't think there's much right now that can help, honestly, Twilight.” Rarity looked down and began to walk again. Twilight fell into step with her. “Well, except, of course ... I'll be requiring your continued patience while I try and understand everything. I do enjoy history and culture, but I've never quite seen it from ... such a unique perspective.” Rarity grimaced, still walking slowly without any particular destination in mind.
“Well, that much I can promise I'll be able to give you.” Twilight gave her friend a concerned smile. “Do you mind if I join you for a walk?” Twilight asked for politeness's sake, though Rarity seemed not to mind that she'd joined her thus far.
Rarity shook her head. “I don't mind, Darling, but I can't say I feel very comfortable with the two of them alone up there.” She looked sideways up at Twilight with a concerned expression that seemed more and more to be stuck permanently on her face, even with her extra spa treatments.
“They know Spike is going to be visiting them, and the privacy shield is down, but, if it helps you feel better, I'll let you have some time alone and go monitor them.” Twilight's genuine care reflected in her tone. “Really, I just want to make this easier for you any way I can. I know firsthoof it's not easy learning about such a—well ... such an unsettling topic.”
Rarity smiled gratefully and nodded. “Thank you, Twilight.” She thought for a moment, and her smile faded. “I suppose you're right. They wouldn't get up to anything, not after confessing, and not after—” the words became stuck as Rarity attempted to finish her sentence. With a sigh, she forced them out “—not after how I acted last week ...” Rarity frowned deeply, “so I guess it's fine.”
Twilight assessed the meaning behind what Rarity was telling her. “I reacted a bit the same way, at first, if it helps you feel any better. ... I mean, Sweetie isn't my sister, of course, but I was still horrified at what happened, then nearly scared out of my mind by their request to help them be together and the fact that I actually considered it.” Twilight couldn't help but smile in spite of the past, almost laugh, giddy with relief that her doubt was almost completely past her now. Knowing how Rarity felt, however, she stayed her mirth out of respect.
Rarity looked, almost unbelieving, pleadingly, at the purple princess. “How ever did you manage not to feel this way, Twilight?” Rarity practically begged for an answer.
“Well,” Twilight's smile persisted, hopeful that she'd be able to bring Rarity to the understanding she'd come to, “it wasn't easy, but I'm going to do my best to tell you how when you've had a chance to unwind and feel ready to come back to the library.”
“You're that confident?” Rarity was surprised. “Only last week you said you weren't sure it was going to be alright.”
“Last week,” Twilight explained, “I'd only just begun to explore the new research I mentioned earlier.” Twilight's grin became slightly conspiratorial. “I secretly brought back some of the more ... illuminating journals and documents, hoping that I might be able to learn more. The counter-spell for the unchecked items alarm was tricky, even for me, but I managed!” Twilight didn't mind bragging a little to her friend.
“I hadn't had much opportunity between the solstice and our last meeting to peruse them, but ...” Twilight hesitated, not wanting to ruin her plan to ease Rarity into the facts and avoid raising undue skepticism in her already doubtful friend, “I've been checking and rechecking what I've found, and, at least from a scholarly perspective, I'm convinced that what I'm reading is reliable proof that,” she paused to make sure nopony was nearby and lowered her voice to almost a whisper, “Fluttershy and Sweetie—well ... with your support, I hope we'll be able to petition Princess Luna and Princess Celestia much sooner than I anticipated, that is ... if you feel comfortable with it.”
“If you're so certain,” Rarity seemed confused, “Why would it matter whether I'm comfortable?—oh!” Rarity caught herself. “I don't mean to say that I think you don't care about my opinion or my role in Sweetie Belle's upbringing, of course. You've shown me that you do care, Dear, but, you know ... if it's right with my approval, shouldn't it be right without my approval?”
“That's exactly the right type of question to be asking,” Twilight urged, beaming. “The short answer is, things aren't so simple. Rest assured, I'll be giving you the long answer today as long as my lesson stays on track.” Twilight had come to expect the unexpected over the course of her time in Ponyville.
At this, Rarity was struck and wondered silently. What fair answer could there be to Sweetie and Fluttershy's aberrant desire for one another that would depend on Rarity's approval? They certainly didn't live in a time or culture where younger spouses were literally given away as they once were, at least, not more than symbolically. Either a pony did or didn't have the right to make her own decisions regarding sex. Rarity recognized that, as soon as Sweetie Belle had the capacity to make an informed decision, legal age or not, she might fairly win control of her love life, but that should be the case regardless of how Rarity felt, she thought. She'd have to wait and see what Twilight meant.
After a minute's quiet contemplation, another issue popped into Rarity's consciousness. “Twilight?” Rarity seemed to be more relaxed with Twilight's reassurance and the warm summer breeze, but her tone was still serious.
“Yes?” Twilight responded.
“Will you remind me we need to have a private talk when this is over, if not today, for whatever reason,” Rarity anticipated being mentally exhausted by the end of their lesson, “then soon, hopefully?”
“Alright, sure!” Twilight looked curious. “Can you say what it's about?”
Pausing for a moment in search of the right words, Rarity cleared her voice. “Spike's ... intentions ... for me.” She tacked on the last two words for clarity.
There was another pause as Twilight, this time, was taken by surprise. “Oh!” Quite unexpectedly, Twilight felt embarrassment flush her cheeks. “That ... will be ... just fine, then.”
The rest of their walk passed in mutually desirable silence.
For Sweetie Belle, stopping herself from immediately clinging to her fillyfriend on first sight at the library, staying apart physically while so close, had been painful. Without so much as a letter or word of affection from the mare she cherished over the past week, seeing her again, finally, had felt like she imagined it might be if she'd been led to an oasis in the middle of a desert, been parched, seen pure, cool water mere trots away, and been forbidden to drink.
To Sweetie's relief, and by Twilight's own design, the lesson quickly engaged the filly. While the tiny unicorn allowed herself to be distracted with advanced history and fancy words, Sweetie had successfully endured the lure of quenching her aching thirst until the moment Rarity had gone.
The librarian's lecture had kept Fluttershy distracted as well, though from a different problem altogether. Fluttershy's patience had been learned the hard way, burned into her after her slip up at the cottage. In light of the mess she'd made of her relationship with her friends, she asked herself repeatedly whether that afternoon of kisses and cuddles, of nascent romantic love, had been worth their resultant mistake on the couch. Arousal might still sway Fluttershy—she knew too well from their picnic—so the only way to be safe was to avoid anything that could lead her to want sex so badly. Affection itself was an enemy she dreaded to challenge. Rather than want to be close to Sweetie, the young pegasus feared repeated failure.
The pain of conflicting hope and despair for a relationship with Sweetie brought Fluttershy to depths of depression she'd barely anticipated. Her animals, her friends, her family, every precious thing in the world, lost meaning at her separation from the most important pony in her life. Though her faith remained, knowing what harm she'd caused to those dear to her, Fluttershy refused to be consoled. Rejecting any belief or conviction that might have given her hope for fear of being unworthy, she'd suffered until, across the gulf of her personal despair, comfort had come unbidden in the unexpected form of Pinkie Pie.
Had Angel not removed the sign and Pinkie restored her and her home to working order, it was likely Fluttershy would have lacked even the strength to present herself at Twilight's lesson that day. Despite what small but significant miracle Pinkie's visit had proven, and though she never stopped longing for her foal, their reunion was also something the pegasus had dreaded. Worse than her fear that Rarity might still not forgive her, the young mare quaked to consider that her next reunion with Sweetie Belle might only be temporary. To be torn apart a second time would mean pain again, possibly worse than before.
Upon seeing the little belle, Fluttershy's breathing quickened, her pulse raced, and chills ran up and down her spine. If she hadn't known better, the mare's bodily reaction might have led her to believe there were some dangerous creature lurking unseen, ready to pounce at her. For a fleeting moment, in reactionary self-preservation and before facts and philosophy had distracted her more thoroughly, Fluttershy felt instinct urge her to flee and a sudden and intense repulsion toward the innate weakness that had led her, so foolishly, to ever seek out love and the terrible pain it brought with it.
For a second, she thought, if only from the beginning she hadn't struggled against her hormones for love's sake, if only she'd enjoyed Sweetie's body, unconscious from the pollen of one adventitious slumber lily, and afterward kept the secret of her attraction to herself, she might never have been through the nightmare of the past week. For a second, she considered the appeal of such a choice, and then a second more, and a second more, and more, until she shook herself from the lonesome, easy fantasy.
For better or worse, knowing all too well that a life of cowardice and unbridled lust was hardly a life at all, Fluttershy had trusted in friendship to help love come to fruition. Things lately seemed to have played out for the worse, however. Forbidden fruit—the quest for godhood—came with so many harsh consequences. To wake hope meant to wake despair as well, if it existed. Mid so much turbulence, she dared not disturb their slumber long while she was alone. After Pinkie Pie's visit, the feathered mare could only numb herself once more to the renewed hope that friendship and cupcakes had brought her. At those loneliest of moments, she thought to herself, if never she'd loved, she'd never have cried, and she forced all feeling, bad or good, away, locking herself in securely against the storm.
When, at the sight of the unicorn filly, her fears were revived, the tenuous silence in her heart had been broken, and, though she managed to still her more irrational fears, without the one-on-one support of her caring pink friend, Fluttershy was left unprotected from the piercing shrill torment that had persisted mercilessly since the conclusion of last week's meeting. Even after the lesson had begun, the memory of Rarity's horror replayed for the hundredth time in the pegasus's mind, and, in her mind, once again, she heard the white mare, however gently, ask for time and for Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle to keep their distance from one another.
There was proof she was a bad pony, proof she didn't deserve love, delivered pityingly by her own friend.
“Hardly a life” had been better than what she'd endured since then. A double-life of secret indulgences had been better than the fear and pain she felt again as she tried unsuccessfully to ignore Sweetie's presence during the lecture. Until new hope had sprung from Rarity's reminder that she forgave her and her reassurance that she counted her worthy to become family some day, Fluttershy had shamefully allowed herself, again, to long for the return of the secret perversion in which she'd once reveled prior to the time she'd been so foolish to hope and strive for real, actual love.
Fluttershy knew better, that her losses, however difficult, could yield a greater return. Even if one love should fail, there was a plan for her. Despite the burdensome consequences of her choices, she might yet rise to her full potential through grace and self-sacrifice, whether that potential included marriage or some other worthwhile future yet unknown. In her current state, however, as her relationship with Sweetie remained in jeopardy, it had been beyond difficult to actually believe the things she knew, and, for a short time, the false wisdom, ease, and familiarity of fear—abandoning the risky business that was love—had seemed so much more appealing.
It was unlikely that even Twilight guessed what all went through the quiet pegasus's mind while she gulped and her eyes shifted nervously, much less Sweetie or Rarity. Neither the pegasus nor the unicorn foal had managed so much as a greeting smile toward each other, but, amid her own turmoil, each pony looked silently at the other, pitying her other half, before taking her seat as Twilight directed after her usual warm welcome. Their interaction had been unsurprising to both Rarity and Twilight, and, as expected, the stress that each sensed in the two elicited the usual look of concern from both Rarity and Twilight.
Thankfully, the first part of Twilight's lesson had flown by, and, to the couple's great relief, particularly Fluttershy's, the heaviness they'd felt left them when Rarity confronted Fluttershy's fear, accepting her as a would-be sister.
In spite of Rarity's reassurance and the reminder of Twilight's breakthrough, Fluttershy still wavered, reluctant to rejoice or hope too much. When she felt the foal cling to her afterward, the abundance of remaining fear that Fluttershy struggled to forget throughout the lecture had flooded her yet again, and, terrified of being hurt more, she hesitated to even hold the dear filly.
Unable to ignore her fear any longer, Fluttershy cringed, but, as she forced herself to push through it, suddenly, all the love and warm feeling that she'd so foolishly forgotten returned to her as well. With Sweetie's embrace and in spite of the mare's reservations, she sought, conflicted, to comfort the filly. The instant she wrapped her foreleg around the foal, warmth seeped slowly through the chill of doubt and fear until each gave way, and, at long, long last, though the stormy winds of her uncertainty howled, Fluttershy finally recalled why she'd chosen to suffer. She began, again, to realize why she must continue to the end, no matter what.
At long, long last, Sweetie drank in Fluttershy's soothing embrace, knowing that the pony she loved still loved her in spite of the drought through which her heart had wilted and scorched. Filly and mare finally had what they'd wanted, whether or not both had known it, to hold and to be held.
Tears of relief came mixed with tears of frustration for the winged pony. After all the pain and disappointment, why did it still feel so indescribably good to let herself get her hopes up? Why couldn't she have felt this way much sooner? There was still plenty to worry about, so much uncertainty, so why did she suddenly feel whole with Sweetie? Wouldn't she just have to let her go again, eventually? What kind of cruel joke was it, thought Fluttershy, outraged, that such a simple, innocent gesture gave both of them so much comfort, yet couldn't last forever?
Sweetie Belle sniffled, meanwhile, and let her own bittersweet tears soak into Fluttershy's soft coat. She trembled and pressed herself more tightly against Fluttershy as her thought mirrored that of the mare she held—that, all too soon, she'd be forced to let go again. A small, low whimper left her, afraid for the arrival of that moment, and Fluttershy's sorrow and frustration were amplified that much more for the fear she sensed in her filly. Protectively, she tightened her embrace.
Against the howling shrill fear, she whispered to the filly sweetly, “I'm here.” Softly she promised, “I'll be here as long as you need,” and the tempestuous squall of self-doubt, her foreboding recreancy, her fear, shattered and fell silent, never standing a chance against the word of a mare so deeply in love.
Trusting that she wouldn't be alone again, finally, the clinging filly took a slow, deep breath and relaxed.
Spike arrived on scene to the sight of Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle holding one another. Their stillness, the silence, and the tears they shared hushed Spike before he'd so much as announced his presence and the arrival of the other half of their snack. The little dragon couldn't help but feel like breaking the silence at all would be wholly inappropriate.
Twilight had suggested that he share the snack with the two ponies, eat with them and chat, before she'd headed out after Rarity. As he began to feel awkward, however, the baby dragon quickly decided against taking the purple princess's suggestion, set down the tray of peeled orange slices and water on a small table near the bushel of apples, and made to leave.
Through the haze of their bittersweet reunion and her fatigue, Fluttershy heard the soft clack of the tray's polished metal against wood, and, opening her tear-filled eyes, managed to make out Spike's form. “Spike,” Fluttershy called, only mildly surprised, having forgotten until she heard him that he was coming up.
The dragon paused and fidgeted.
“Won't you join us for a snack?”
Sweetie remained silent but turned her face to hide the wet streaks running down her cheeks. Neither she nor Fluttershy relinquished their hold despite the drake's presence.
“Uhh. ... Right now seems like sort of a private moment, so maybe I'll just ...”
“Spike,” Sweetie interrupted as he began to trail off, but still didn't face him. “You don't have to go,” she reassured genuinely.
Fluttershy smiled a little and nodded wetly at him, less concerned about the appearance of tears than Sweetie seemed to be. “It would be nice to have some company if you don't mind our, um ... well ... hugging and ... maybe just a little more crying,” Fluttershy added, “but if not, then, of course, I understand.”
In spite of himself, Spike paused. “Are you two ... alright?” Spike's limited experience with crying fillies had mostly been with Rarity, and she hadn't acted at all like the two calmly inviting him now to join them for a snack.
Fluttershy looked down at Sweetie Belle, distressed, and ran one hoof through her mane comfortingly. “We will be,” Fluttershy answered optimistically. “We're just ... going through some tough times.”
Spike wasn't sure he'd have wanted to ask for more detail even if it weren't supposed to be some sort of secret. Still, seeing his friends miserable wasn't something he could just tolerate. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
Fluttershy shook her head, continuing to look down at Sweetie. “Nothing, unless you don't mind joining us. We don't usually get company, other than Twilight. ... Oh,” her focus shifted momentarily to the floor as she caught herself, then back to Sweetie, “not that Twilight isn't good company, just that, almost nopony else knows about us, of course,” Fluttershy smiled again at Spike, “so a new friendly face is always welcome. I'm just sorry you had to see us like this.”
Spike thought for a moment before taking a couple orange slices and an empty seat.
“I kinda do mind the hugging, and the crying is a little ... odd ... n-not that there's anything wrong with it," Spike added quickly, not wanting to make matters worse. “In any case, I'd never leave friends hanging, and, if seeing two, uh ... friends ... hugging is the worst I have to deal with to help, then—you know—no problem.” Spike relaxed and popped an orange slice into his mouth.
Sweetie turned her head to face Spike and released Fluttershy from one of her forelegs to wipe her eyes and cheeks dry. “Thanks, Spike,” she smiled, touched that the dragon's friendship won out over his coltish discomfort with their embrace.
Spike finished chewing and swallowed before answering. “Any time.”
Sweetie's attention was drawn to the tray of orange slices several paces away. She hadn't eaten well, herself, but Sweetie's primary concern was for Fluttershy's nourishment. Her fillyfriend felt less plush than usual. There'd be no more languishing on Sweetie's watch. Still, the desire for sustenance stood no chance against their mutual need to hold each other. Fluttershy noticed where Sweetie's gaze fell, and her stomach rumbled close to Sweetie's ear.
Fluttershy blushed at the noise. “Are you hungry too?” Fluttershy asked, looking down again at the filly and opening her wings.
Before Fluttershy could carry them both to the fruit, Sweetie stopped her. “Wait. Let me try something.” Sweetie wore a determined expression as she looked at the tray of oranges. Her pupils contracted, her lips pursed tightly, her body tensed, and, with effort, her horn began to spark. Her target, the nearest orange slice, glowed faintly and shifted slightly. Several seconds passed, Sweetie Belle tensed more, and she focused her willpower to the best of her ability while Spike and Fluttershy watched.
Exhaling loudly, Sweetie finally gave up. “They make it look so easy!” Sweetie complained, referring to her sister and Twilight.
“You'll get there some day. I'm sure!” Fluttershy encouraged with a wide smile.
Sweetie looked up, blushing at the mare, a little embarrassed but unable to help smiling at Fluttershy's adoration.
“Do you want to try again?” Fluttershy asked.
Sweetie shook her head. “Not right now.”
The filly closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against Fluttershy as her mare cradled her and they lifted off, landing softly next to the apples and orange slices. A thought occurred to Sweetie Belle, and she perked.
“I'll have to ask Twilight how she learned.” Sweetie reached for an orange slice.
“Has Rarity given you any advice?” Fluttershy inquired.
“Rarity just says to focus and visualize ... and that practice makes perfect,” Sweetie answered with a half-sigh before eating the slice she'd taken.
Fluttershy nodded and extended a dexterous wing to take an apple. “I'm sure Twilight would love to help you learn more.” Fluttershy turned her head to take a juicy bite, careful not to let the fruit spray or drip while she continued to hold Sweetie.
Spike watched the two curiously. The fact that they didn't let go of each other despite talking and eating struck him as more than just the usual amount of odd he always expected from his friends. “It's like you two are afraid you'll never get to hug each other again,” Spike commented innocently, perplexed, before stuffing another orange slice in his mouth.
The pair looked at Spike, each a little surprised, then at each other. Distressed tears refilled their eyes, and each re-tightened her grip on the other. Sweetie turned her face away once more and pressed her cheek against Fluttershy again.
Spike nearly choked in surprise. The dragon coughed and sputtered a moment, then swallowed before looking at the pair, both shocked and worried. “What's the matter? Is one of you leaving—dying?!” Spike looked frantic.
Fluttershy swallowed. “No, Spike,” the mare answered calmly. “It's not—it's ... complicated,” she added hesitantly, without explanation.
“Well, why else wouldn't you get to be together?” Spike's concern persisted. Whether due to his shock, their openness with him, or the way they clung to each other, even if he wouldn't say it outright, Spike was finally past pretending he didn't know about them as a couple.
Fluttershy stroked Sweetie's mane again gently while the filly trembled softly and wept silently against her. The pegasus sighed and frowned deeply, eyes sparkling, but managed to be strong herself. “If Sweetie agrees, maybe Twilight can tell you later. It's not something we can say without certain ... consequences. Until then ... thank you for worrying about us, Spike. You're a good friend. Please don't trouble yourself over us, for now.” Fluttershy's eyes conveyed both gratitude and sympathy.
Spike wouldn't have it. His arms crossed and, looking at the floor then back up at Fluttershy, his expression was somewhere between pouting and indignant. “Of course I'm going to trouble myself. You're my friends!” the dragon insisted.
Fluttershy's ears folded. “Oh, um ... I didn't mean to say you shouldn't, well ... do what you think is right.” The yellow pony's timidness didn't last long, and, in spite of it, she was touched by the dragon's noble sentiment. Fluttershy smiled at him. “Sorry, and ... thank you again, Spike.” She smiled through her sorrow at him before frowning down again at the unicorn foal.
Sweetie remained silent, letting herself be held, protected, and soothed by the older pony.
Spike looked on, wondering still. “It's my honor,” he said simply.
Spike twiddled his claws, thinking of how he might help in spite of Fluttershy's response. As his stomach rumbled, he looked at the fruit, and an idea struck him. “Hey, Sweetie Belle.” The foal didn't look at him, but her ears twitched. “Wanna see how I move food from far away?”
The filly sniffled, wiped her eyes once more, and, with an eyebrow cocked, looked his way.
Spike grinned coltishly before snapping his tongue out across the gap between himself and the bushel of apples and, in a split second, wrapped his tongue around one on top and snapped it back into his mouth with a satisfying crunch.
Sweetie Belle and Fluttershy stared silently for a moment, caught by surprise, as Spike grinned and chewed. Fluttershy let out a stifled laugh before catching herself. A beat later, the two giggled openly together. As giggling turned into hearty peals of laughter, Spike joined them. Fluttershy's shaking bounced Sweetie a little like a carnival ride while, to Fluttershy, Sweetie's convulsive body triggered memories of similarly sized animals against her, and an involuntary response caused her to blush happily and her body temperature to rise.
Though it hadn't taken much to set them off, their mirth lasted for more than a minute and provided a much-needed break from the tension of the past week. To the relief of all three, each felt themselves more relaxed when the laughter finally ebbed and ceased.
Suddenly feeling Fluttershy's increased warmth, Sweetie looked curiously up at her fillyfriend to see the subtle color on her cheeks beneath her sunny coat, and Sweetie, too, blushed a little and nuzzled her front affectionately. Despite wanting to kiss her, she'd have dared no more, whether or not Spike were there to witness. Spike himself blushed to see the intimate way they looked at each other and Sweetie's tender gesture, but he didn't complain at the mushiness; he couldn't complain at seeing them happy, finally.
There was a short, silent pause, peaceful and content, between the three, and Spike let out a satisfied sigh, glad his attempt to lighten the mood had panned out. “Well, I think I'm gonna go downstairs and finish tidying up.” Spike stood and turned to the stairs.
Sweetie opened her mouth to object as she had before but stopped herself. “Spike,” Sweetie called to him as he reached the loft exit, and he turned back to face them. “Thanks.” Sweetie smiled broadly, and so did Fluttershy.
“Don't mention it.” With a casual wave of his small claws, Spike left them alone.
Fluttershy looked down at Sweetie, and, feeling the mare's subtle shift, Sweetie looked up in return at her. The mare's smile became sympathetic, and she lowered her voice to just above a whisper. “Are you alright, Love?”
Sweetie's eyes sparkled at her special somepony, and she nodded, still smiling. “I am, now that we're together again, but I'll be better if you finish your snack.” Fluttershy looked uncomprehending down at the filly. “You feel thinner.” Sweetie frowned, explaining. Her eyes, still wet, met Fluttershy's and, for reasons unknown to the pegasus, her bottom lip trembled. “Please, don't wither,” Sweetie added.
The filly squeezed the mare and pressed herself against her again, craving closeness, and Fluttershy reciprocated and stroked her mane again. Obediently, bringing the apple to her lips with her wing, Fluttershy ate.
Author's Note
Last revised 16 February 2015
Original Note:
Thanks to Setokaiva for advance proofreading and suggestions.
Also, in honor of the day, (I didn't plan it)...
To readers who finished the former Chapter 18 before 18 February 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised second part of the old Chapter 18 (now chapters 23 and 24). It is not new to the story.
“Are there any questions now, before I move on to the research?” Nopony raised her hoof, and Twilight inhaled deeply then exhaled, relieved to be through the history portion of her lecture. The lavender mare flipped the chalk board back to the side on which she'd listed the consequences of sex.
Sweetie seemed to struggle a bit for focus, but, as both Rarity and Fluttershy fixed their posture, eager to hear what scientific discovery might contradict what they'd been raised to believe, Sweetie sensed especial importance in what Twilight was about to tell them. Following suit, Sweetie roused herself, sitting up straight next to Fluttershy and drawing energy from her special somepony's close company.
“Due to the pervasiveness—ubiquity, uhm ... the prevalence, or ... commonness of the belief that foalsexuality is wrong, it has been common practice for most researchers to skew their results unfairly, reaching to show what negative impact foal sex leaves rather than just plain facts. The very language used throughout most of their reports is colored with cultural bias. For example, instead of simply saying 'foal sex,' we only see 'foal sex abuse.' Instead of identifying adult ponies with a genuine attraction to foals as 'foalsexuals' or 'foal-attracted,' researchers often lump them together with aggressive sexual opportunists—ponies who force sex on a foal or anypony they can, simply because they're more available or easier targets, and sometimes violently or without any prior relationship. Whether it be a pony like Fluttershy, who's never used force on a pony,” Twilight qualified with a glance at her pegasus friend, “or one of these types, researchers call them all 'predators,' and, every foal they make sexual contact with, they call 'victims' or 'survivors.' Furthermore, any effort to build trust and educate a foal before sex is looked down upon, when done by a pony who wants a willing sexual relationship, and is called 'grooming.'”
Fluttershy grimaced at each mention of force, thinking of her weaker moments, and her frown grew as Twilight listed the labels that were now and probably forever stuck to her and Sweetie Belle. Sweetie wondered at the comparison between herself and some sort of pet, and Rarity, though not visibly, paled as she thought again about the pegasus's confession and wondered again whether there were other foals she might have touched.
“It's this bias that one group of researchers attempted to avoid just fifteen years ago with serious backlash from Separatists and their sympathizers,” Twilight explained. The purple pony summoned a scroll, unraveling it to scan the notes she'd taken and revised over the past week. With her chalk already in position, she drew two partially overlapping circles.
“Typically,” Twilight began, “mental health professionals—those, specifically, who make it their job to treat and research psychological and behavioral issues to help and learn more about the ways in which ponies think and act outside of what's normal or expected—professionals have looked very closely at what's called the clinical population .” Twilight labeled the left circle. “'Clinical population' is another way of saying all ponies who come to seek help from the professionals or are sent to professionals for legal reasons. ... Fairly early on, in the field—er, profession—of psychology, it became apparent that the clinical population was not a good source of information to judge how the general population—ponies who don't usually need help—act and think. Because of the taboo of foal sex, unfortunately, for a long time, research about ponies that had experienced sex as foals was rarely conducted and came almost exclusively from the clinical population.
“The group of researchers I mentioned, named after their lead researcher, Bright Rein —just Rein, for short—decided that they ought to look outside of the clinical population for information to better understand what the effects of foal sex are, without the skew or bias that comes with the generally less-healthy clinical population.”
Twilight labeled the right circle as “Foal Sex Abus—” but stopped and decided to erase the last word.
“Rein suggests in her work that the term 'abuse' be reserved for types of foal sex that show a more significant correlation with harm. For our purposes—um ... the word 'abuse' is best saved for types of foal sex that seem to be correlated, or connected, with harm,” Twilight interrupted herself, drawing her forehooves together for further clarification. Sweetie Belle and Rarity both lowered their hooves. “Instead of 'abuse victim,' Let's refer to foals who've experienced sex as,” she paused to contemplate her word choice, “'sexually exposed foals,'” Twilight completed, erasing the rest of what she'd started to write and replacing it with the new term above the circle, “as in, foals who may have had either positive, negative, or neutral experiences with sex.
“Naturally, there are many ponies who seek and need help dealing with psychological issues who may also have difficulty living with foalhood sexual experiences.” Twilight shaded the intersection between the two circles. “Nevertheless, Rein removes that part of the population from her analysis to see what effect is left without interference from possibly unrelated psychological symptoms.” Twilight ex-ed out the left circle and drew an arrow to the un-shaded part of the right circle. “She's left mostly with data—information—from studies about young adult ponies from academies and trade schools throughout Equestria who've had foalhood sexual experiences growing up. It's not a perfect sampling of the common pony, but they decide to analyze what they can.
“It's fortunate, really, that, by the time Rein conducted this analysis, there had been much more research done outside of clinical samples. A small number of other analyses already existed, but none quite so comprehensive—so thorough as Rein managed to do. With newer studies, they were able to analyze information for over 13,000 young stallions and about 22,000 young mares to determine how commonly foals experience sex. For starters,” Twilight grinned as she finally reached one of her favorite parts of the lesson, statistics , “a little more than one in every four mares has some sort of sexual experience in their youth with an older pony. About half as many stallions, one in seven, also have similar sexual experiences before reaching adulthood.”
Twilight drew two pie charts labeled male and female to the upper-right of her circle diagram. Referring to her notes briefly, she filled in a slice for males with “14%” and a slice on the female pie for “27%.”
“There are more differences between colts and fillies that are rather fascinating, but I'll skip most of them for today.”
In an empty space below the pie charts, Twilight scrawled ...
TYPES OF EXPERIENCE (FEMALE):
- invitation: excluded
- exhibitionism: 32%
- fondling/masturbation: 39%
- oral sex: 3%
- attempted intercourse: excluded
- completed intercourse: 13%
“These percentages are estimates of the rates of experience types that sexually exposed fillies have had in the academic and trade school population—that is, among young adult student females who were exposed to sex as fillies. ... Yes, Sweetie.”
“What's exi—exib—exibit-ishon-ism?”
Twilight looked to Rarity who had again turned somber. She nodded stoically.
“Thank you for asking,” she smiled. “Exi-bition-ism is the sexual practice of flaunting one's genitals at another pony for some reaction. It's usually the pony who wants sex, or maybe just wants a sexual thrill, who shows him-or-herself to another, but in this special case, it also includes an adult pony asking a filly to show herself or trying to spy on her when her tail may be raised or she might be doing something private down there. The act usually has a different name when it involves spying, but that's unimportant for now. Either way, it's done to excite the adult pony sexually.”
Sweetie thought about how looking closely at Fluttershy's private parts had made her feel, and she thought she understood. The filly nodded.
“Something important to note here—Rein compares these statistics to those taken from a combination of surveys that include ponies in the general population from multiple kingdoms, including Equestria, not just the student population that their analysis mostly focuses on. This is to get an idea for how closely young adult students in Equestria compare to ponies across the globe, to better understand whether their analysis of young adult students might apply to everypony.”
Twilight gently peeled the diagram of overlapping circles with her magic as she had before with the list and, focusing, reduced its size and repositioned it. With practiced haste and precision, she drew a bar graph in the newly-freed space next to the percentages to illustrate them.
“They found that, while global and student rates are similar proportionately—they look the same in certain ways,” Twilight paraphrased as she drew new lines past each bar and shaded between the greater and lesser marks to show how the set of global percentages compared to those of the student population, “the magnitude of each type—how much each happened—among the average global population was sometimes much greater than that of the student population—triple, in the case of oral sex.” Twilight tapped each bar of the graph for emphasis. “Fondling and masturbation, however, shows a much more noteworthy difference for its overall magnitude.”
| - invitation
|==========## - exhibitionism
|============########## - fondling/masturbation
|=## - oral sex
| - attempted intercourse
|====# - completed intercourse
“The difference here is an example of how the student sample—I mean, how adult students are both similar to and different from ponies in general, student or not. In other words, the results of Rein's analysis only apply to the general population insofar as average ponies are similar to adult students in Equestria. On top of this, Rein explains in their analysis that, due to the way data was collected by various researchers, the more mild types are underestimated.” Twilight paused to take a breath “Still ... Rein's analysis is among the best information I've found, and, after looking closely at everything in it, I feel it's safe to say that, even if the results might not fit for the average pony, at least Sweetie Belle has a very high chance of fitting, or of being like foals that later become adult students.”
Twilight drew a line, splitting the overlapping circles lengthwise and labeling above and below the line as “Global,” and “Student.” Turning back, she observed her audience for a moment, hopeful that what she was saying registered coherently for each of them. It looked like they were struggling to keep up, and Twilight sweat just a little, anxiously.
“With this in mind, seeing how the, um—that is ... keeping in mind that the results probably apply in Sweetie Belle's case,” Twilight tapped the area of her circle diagram that now represented non-clinical students with foalhood sexual experiences and looked at the foal, then at each young mare next to her, “even though they might not fit her situation perfectly , we'll look at what Rein has found to be the most common effects of foal sexual exposure. First, though, I know this is a lot to take in ... so ... do any of you have any questions yet?”
Twilight looked at each of her friends, waiting patiently as long as they examined the board and appeared to mull everything over. Rarity eventually raised a hoof. “Yes, Rarity.” Twilight called brightly.
The unicorn mare spoke slowly at first, still formulating her question. “You said ... Rein suggested not calling ... f—foal sex—” the tasteless term still issued with some difficulty “—not calling it abuse unless it harms a foal?” Twilight nodded and, seeing Rarity meant to ask more, remained silent. “So, do pardon me if I'm jumping ahead, but it sounds like we're about to hear how ... it ... doesn't harm foals. Do I understand that right?”
The lavender pony tilted her head to the side as she considered how best to answer. “You're right that Rein finds no empirical—clearly observable link to the most commonly assumed types of harm to foals, but that's not to say that Rein proves it does no harm or that they find no correlation between harm and foal sex under special conditions.” Twilight resisted the urge to launch into her next segment. It wouldn't help to speed through as she wished she could.
Rarity nodded, and silence settled again between the four ponies.
Sweetie tried out of habit to think of something specific to ask, but it all began to be a bit much for her to grasp. She thought she caught some of it, but talk of types and populations had flown by a little too quickly for her to really feel confident, especially while part of her mind—okay, most of her mind—was still thinking about what Fluttershy's nethers had looked like up close and the unusual sort of energy she now recognized behind her curiosity back then, even before she'd tried to touch herself. Hearing Twilight confirm that this was just another kind of sexual excitement led Sweetie off on a mental tangent to their first date, and she'd decided that kissing was maybe more her thing, at least for now. After that, tuning back in to what Twilight had been saying was only made more of a struggle by the warmth she felt pressed against Fluttershy and the mare's soft, sweet-smelling feathers gathering her tenderly next to her. She began to feel drowsy until she heard her sister's voice next to her and she perked back up, trying to glean enough from Twilight's charts to think of an intelligent question. Deciding it was no use, however, she sighed and leaned into Fluttershy, relaxed.
Almost subconsciously, Fluttershy ran her feathers in smooth arcs, down and across the filly's side. She had no questions yet, and, in spite of her fatigue and the temptation to daydream at the various types of foal sex that she'd read on the board, Fluttershy remained focused, not only because the lecture piqued her interest, but because she had to, she told herself. She could tell the filly next to her wasn't quite so alert, but, thought Fluttershy, she'd already done more than her fair share in fighting for their union, more than Fluttershy would have ever asked. The pegasus mare couldn't help but feel duty-bound to let Sweetie rest a bit while she took care of her.
A couple moments passed, and Twilight assessed and found her two adult friends, at least, to be ready for more. There might not be enough time to help Sweetie fully understand, she thought, especially since the filly's half-lidded eyes and gradually slumping posture queued Twilight to her littlest pupil's lack of attention. No matter. There would be time later if everything went according to plan, and much of the information she was sharing was more for the benefit of the adult ponies, in any case.
“Alright, this next part should be fairly straightforward, but don't hesitate to stop me, of course, for clarification.” Twilight once again levitated the writing from the board's surface, leaving only the old list of consequences from before their break. Carefully, she moved the writing away, flipped the board, and erased the time line on the other side in order to replace it with Rein's prevalence statistics. “We've talked about how often foal sex happens, and, before”—Twilight flipped the board back to the side half-filled with a table listing the consequences of foal sex—“we listed our own ideas about the consequences of sex in general plus foal sex. Now let's look at what possible consequences professionals have studied with respect to adult-foal sexual experiences.”
Twilight marked a new title, “PSYCHOLOGICAL ADJUSTMENT,” and unraveled her notes further to read and copy down the list she'd taken from the analysis, briefly explaining those less commonly understood in laymare's terms.
“Alcohol use, anxiety, depression, dissociation or breakdowns in perception and awareness, eating disorders, hostility, interpony sensitivity, locus of control or the sense a pony has of control over herself and her environment, obsessive compulsiveness, paranoia, phobia, psychotic symptoms or loss of contact with reality, self-esteem, sexual adjustment, social adjustment, somatization or physical ailment from a psychiatric condition, suicide, and, last, wide adjustment or general well-being.”
Sweetie's focus was rapidly declining, now, and despite wanting to keep up, the cozy pegasus next to her clouded her thoughts and made her wish more for a nap. She ought to raise her hoof for some clarification. Twilight seemed vaguely to notice her lapse in good-student behavior, but the alicorn mare said nothing to her about it, and Sweetie couldn't bring herself to shake her drowsiness in light of the past week's strain ... especially when the princess acorn butter coco-roast hay dogs ... Sweetie's eyes closed, and the remainder of her conscious thought fizzled out to nothingness.
As Twilight went on about effect sizes, moderators, self reports, and family environments, Rarity was the last to notice the filly's light breathing. If anything, it came as a relief that her sister needn't be exposed any more to the adult topic. In the back of her mind, Rarity considered whether the familiar cuteness of her sister's sleeping form was at all diminished now by what she knew about the pegasus holding her. She simply couldn't tell anymore, and the thought unsettled her further.
Whether the sexual nature of their feelings for each other tainted the way Rarity felt about them, either individually or as a couple, it sounded more and more like the science of their relationship wasn't what most expected. What seemed to be a black topic turned gradually to shades of gray. No matter how Rarity tried to spin what she heard logically, she couldn't see the sexual relationship that her little sister wanted as purely harmful or safe except, maybe—though she still doubted—as certain circumstances were necessarily met, like Twilight had said.
“... The use of force, lack of consent in the psychological sense, and, most of all, poor family environment, were the only differences Rein found between well-adjusted foals and those who experienced lasting psychological harm.” Twilight indicated various charts and tables as she spoke and paused, not for the first time, to take a drink. “While, for stallions, self-reports were all positive or neutral, in the case of student mares their self-reported remembered immediate reactions and their current reflections back on their sexual experiences are nearly balanced between negative, positive, and neutral, as long as they gave simple, uninformed consent, no force was used, and their family relationships were well adjusted. Those with negative memories or reflections, however, did not suffer any more psychological maladjustment under the same conditions than students with positively reported experiences or who'd never been sexually solicited as fillies,” Twilight qualified.
“Supplementary research I've discovered showed that half of young student mares view their first consensual adult experience with intercourse as negative, and half view it as positive. I'm led to believe that young fillies could experience something similar with regard to sexual satisfaction and discomfort—that the split among self-reports from student mares in Rein's study might be caused in most cases by gender alone and not by the gender-age combination as Rein suggests. In other words,” Twilight didn't feel the need to clarify as much while Sweetie slept but did so in this case for the importance that her conclusion held, “age's importance remains uncertain, but likely diminished for fillies as much as for colts in determining whether they perceive their foalhood sexual experiences positively or negatively.
“Rein's study isn't the only source I managed to find in the restricted section that supports the idea that adult-foal sexual relationships in and of themselves leave no empirically demonstrable harm. I have yet to delve fully into everything I've found, including comments from other professionals that criticize Rein's results and the politically incorrect manner of their presentation.”
Twilight cleared her throat before moving on to her final summation.
“In short ... what we see throughout history is true of what we see in research today. There is conflict and ambiguity about whether or not adult-foal sexual relationships might actually be harmless under special conditions. With willingness on our part to look closely at our values, we might decide foal marriage is alright under those special circumstances, or we might decide otherwise, but, hopefully, if we've been honest with ourselves, we'll have a better understanding as to why we believe what we do, either way.”
Twilight paused to read her friends' reactions. Fluttershy sat straight, perhaps taller than usual, tension apparent in her neck, back, and shoulders. She wore a serious, almost grave, contemplative expression. Rarity's expression seemed no lighter; her posture was slumped and tired, her eyes filled with deep concern and something else.
“I'd like to stress ... I make no pretense of telling you I have a definite answer—only an answer that, after weeks of study, I've come to hesitantly but, with time, confidently accept. For my best friends, I promise,” Twilight locked eyes with Fluttershy, “it's been worth every ounce of trouble to make it to this point, and I'll continue to work for a better understanding. Considering what we're up against,” Twilight shifted her gaze to rest on Rarity's meek form, “it had better be worth it, or all of us will probably regret going any farther.
“My answer to whether or not Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle ought to be together while Sweetie is so young—”
Fluttershy steeled herself and Rarity straightened and leaned in, eager but terrified to hear Twilight's conclusion.
“—is that, with whatever knowledge we can gather for our strength and protection, each of us must do what her heart tells her to. ... A relationship with Sweetie is what you both want, Fluttershy.” Twilight affirmed. “If we're careful, I really believe much more good than bad will come to Sweetie through the relationship itself, depending on you and depending on whether her family and friends support you both.”
Twilight faced Rarity boldly but tenderly, wishing that the courage she felt might spark something in her friend as well. “The risk we would take in supporting them, Rarity, if you feel the way I do about what good can come, would be in exposing—” Twilight stopped abruptly and looked at the peaceful foal tucked warmly next to Fluttershy. Her tone softened, and Twilight looked sad, “exposing Sweetie ... and ourselves,” Twilight looked back at Rarity, “to moral outrage from Equestria at large. It could ruin our reputations, make life difficult for our families, and our Ponyville neighbors and friends might be scandalized.”
Fluttershy bit her lower lip to keep from whimpering as Twilight named risks she'd known and feared her whole life.
A shadow fell over Twilight's eyes as she spoke, and she thanked her lucky stars that Sweetie was asleep for at least this part of her speech. “Sometimes, fear drives even peaceful, dignified ponies to violence. That fear won't be helped by the fact that a new princess will be your defense if we fail to keep this away from public knowledge. ... If you feel their love deserves a chance—if it deserves taking these risks and more —then we can work together to avoid public scrutiny and help make sure that their relationship is healthy.”
Rarity seemed transfixed, frozen by each word exiting her friend's mouth.
Twilight's eyes shimmered emotionally at Rarity. “You asked before why your opinion is so important—why what you think matters,” Twilight reminded. “I can't, in good conscience, continue to support their relationship without your help, not just because you're our friend and Sweetie's sister, but because every scholarly source, including those neutral to foalsexuality as Rein's analysis is—everything I've studied hints that a family environment which doesn't support a foal's relationship leads to a staggering increase in likelihood that harm will come to that foal.”
Twilight paused to find the right words, as if what she was about to say felt unnatural to her.
“This conclusion isn't entirely based upon logic or research. Even if research and history didn't leave so much uncertainty, the main reason for my decision is more than that—a strong feeling—a matter of the heart , if you will. ... If you,” Twilight nodded at Rarity, “can't support Sweetie's sexual relationship with Fluttershy, then, Fluttershy,” Twilight addressed the pegasus again, who looked wide-eyed and anxiously back. Her lips pursed, and she frowned, but she listened intently, knowing, after everything she'd heard that day, what was coming. Twilight continued in soft yet resolute tones, “if I know you as well as I think I do, you'll agree ... there can be no marriage while she's underage.”
Though she'd anticipated what Twilight said, Fluttershy flinched. Quickly recovering, she nodded. “Yes. I agree, Twilight.” Her soft-spoken answer was resolute. Though she remembered Sweetie's earlier commitment to wait if necessary, she thought of Sweetie's past desperation, and her eyes stung at the thought that her would-be bride might be so disappointed.
Fluttershy looked toward Rarity who turned her head almost mechanically to look back with the same frozen expression, like a frightened animal caught off guard. Fluttershy's eyes begged desperately, involuntarily, but she nodded bravely again at the unicorn mare. Sweetie Belle let out a short, incoherent, high-pitched noise resembling protest before falling silent again.
Despite her love of knowledge and of sharing that knowledge, Twilight recognized finally how drained she felt from the day's lecture. So much hinged on what she could teach, and she'd pushed herself to her limit to prepare. What's more, taking Applejack's advice and listening carefully to her heart had been no easy task for the princess. What she'd told Fluttershy was true. It had been worth the trouble. Twilight had thought only of her friends and how to ease their burden, but her selflessness had ultimately taken its toll on her. At long last, knowing she'd done her best, regardless of the outcome, Twilight breathed a deep sigh of relief, and then, for a long time, nopony spoke.
Minutes later, Rarity swallowed.
“Please,” Rarity's eyes watered and she looked down, too ashamed to meet either friend's gaze, “don't tell Sweetie Belle what I'm about to tell you.”
Her lower lip quivered and she fought the desire to stop herself. Years ago she'd promised herself never to say it. Now, things had changed. For all of her uncertainty about what to do still with Sweetie, Rarity believed at least part of what Twilight had said was definitely true. Following her heart seemed to be the only way to decide what was best. She didn't understand why it led her to this, but, for Sweetie's sake, and for Fluttershy's, she added to herself, she had to be brave and try. Like her horn had done once so long ago, leading to her destiny, she trusted her heart would lead her to the right answer for her little sister.
“I was ... touched, once, as a filly, not very nicely.” The room's silence was punctuated by Sweetie's audible, sleeping breath. “She was ... an older cousin, a bit of an odd filly.” Rarity paused contemplatively, remembering her cousin. “Near the end, s-she, um,” her voice trembled, “put some things ... i-inside,” Rarity bit her lip momentarily, “and, when I tried to leave, she stopped me, and she told me that ... if anypony found out, that she'd tell them I—I liked it.”
Tears suddenly streaked down her cheeks. Thanks to a waterproofing spell, no makeup came with them this time, yet, to Rarity's surprise, feelings she'd forgotten seemed to wash up inside of her instead.
“I-I—” She stammered uncharacteristically, barely above a whisper, “I did like it.” Despite what humiliation she felt, Rarity's tone was flat, too tired, and too stressed for even the least of her usual dramatic flair. “I just ... didn't like what happened at the end, and I—I felt ... bad ... dirty ... and I was afraid that, if I told m-mother and father, I'd get into a lot of trouble, so I ... kept it secret, and I never went near her again if I could help it.” Rarity lifted her head and sat straight once more, but still wouldn't look at either of her friends. “Sometimes,” she spoke more normally but still softly, “it's easier to accept that we're victims when others are too.”
Rarity looked at Sweetie, watching her sleep, and she thought of how different things might have been if, maybe, the world hadn't been so cruel about her own fillyhood experience. What if her cousin's threat hadn't held so much dreadful consequence for Rarity? What if a filly being touched or liking the feeling had been no big deal? What if her cousin hadn't felt the need to threaten her at all? What if Violet—Rarity suddenly recalled the name she'd tried to forget—what if her cousin hadn't been pressed by fear to manipulate Rarity into silence, hadn't been afraid of the adults' reaction, but instead known that their parents would simply have treated her mistake with the love, discipline, and understanding of any other poor choice?
Rarity thought on all of this while the room remained still, and she was struck by the sudden anger she felt toward the adults. Wasn't it her parents and teachers who'd been responsible for teaching her to hide and be ashamed? She was struck once more by the sudden sympathy she felt for Violet, of all ponies. If what Rarity had learned today was true, it hadn't been just her cousin's fault that she'd been so afraid of the adults finding out.
Rarity thought of Fluttershy then. “Dirty or not—guilty or not, coming to terms with feelings that—that are just so strong and new, without a caring pony to guide you, well,” Rarity managed to look up at her pegasus friend with folded ears, “I think I know how that feels.”
Fluttershy felt a desperate need to embrace the young purple and white mare, but found herself trapped as long as she didn't want to wake the little filly beneath her wing. The pegasus opened her mouth as if to speak, but words failed her. Instead, she simply looked back, her eyes reflecting everything they saw in the delicate unicorn, her shame and sorrow, her fear and vulnerability. Magically or naturally, Rarity couldn't tell, something in the pegasus's eyes soothed her. Dark thoughts and feelings from which she'd long shied away rose to the surface, and the unspoken empathy in Fluttershy's eyes gave Rarity the permission she'd never given herself to accept them. Finally, there they were, painful and repulsive, maybe, but that couldn't be helped. What could be helped was how she felt about herself now. Shameful or not, what was past was past. Seeing now that Fluttershy still accepted her, cared for her, and loved her, finally, Rarity could begin to do the same for herself, to move on. Though her fight wasn't over, she managed to relax somewhat.
It was irrational, she knew, especially under present circumstances, yet Rarity clung to the root of her shame and fretted over whether Twilight might think less of her for her story. Whether or not she'd felt stifled growing up, how could she have liked something so tawdry? Whatever Violet's motivation or fear, the pubescent, misguided cousin had done things to her rather than with her, made her no better than a simple game or object for her entertainment, and, surely, Rarity had acted the part. She'd let herself be toyed with. It had felt like her own fault. Even the way Rarity had fallen for the older filly's ploy, the threat to expose her, confirmed she'd been no more than a tool to get her cousin off in the end.
Age and experience had informed Rarity that none of this was ever true. She'd made herself into a fine, respectable young mare and a heroine to boot. Still, against her initial feeling, she wasn't sure she ought to have shared the story after all, at least not so much. Her cheeks burned at the thought of what her cousin's hooves and tail had done so long ago and the fact that now she'd exposed the sordid secret to somepony so regal, somepony already better than she was, never mind that part of her virtue had been stolen. Though she knew Twilight would never admit it, now that she'd heard Rarity's confession, surely the intelligent purple mare must realize that Rarity didn't live up to her name's sake. Her worth was diminished, not rare; she was unclean. She'd already been used.
Breathing deeply, Rarity settled her more irrational fears. A word or two of consolation, she thought, seemed to be Twilight's most likely reaction. Whatever judgment the lavender alicorn had made, surely she wouldn't treat her as less of a friend, at least Rarity hoped as much. The princess had accepted Fluttershy's much graver confessions, after all, she reasoned.
For several seconds Rarity hesitated.
Attempting to push her remaining fear and shame back down once more, the white mare managed to compose a worried smile. “I'm sorry I've burdened you both—” she began, and, pausing, finally she forced her chin to raise and her eyes to meet the regal pony's gaze. For only a split second, Rarity saw tears and recognized the unmistakable longing of a friend who'd waited anxiously her turn to show the hurting mare how much she cared for her.
Rarity never finished whatever apology she thought she owed.
As the princess rushed to embrace her, she understood then what Twilight's true feelings were. Like Fluttershy, Twilight knew her pain. She accepted it. She loved her in spite of everything, and, like the true friend she was, Twilight grieved deeply for Rarity's lost self-worth. Oh! How could Rarity not finally do the same? Failing to push back her feelings any longer, the dam broke.
Rarity and Twilight cried together and held each other tightly; for how long, nopony kept track.
When Rarity felt ready to let go, finally, she released both Twilight and the old pain of her foalhood humiliation with her. Not just one friend but two now knew and accepted her. Knowing her secret, they saw her worth unchanged, and Rarity couldn't disbelieve them any longer. Sure of her friends' love for her, Rarity's self-doubt lifted and, miraculously, so did the burden of deciding whether to support Sweetie Belle and Fluttershy. The young mare no longer slumped, but sat tall and bright, restored and new, if a bit red-eyed from the long-overdue release of emotion. As if Twilight had given her heart wings, Rarity felt light as air.
She smiled and let out a subdued, tearful, happy laugh. “That wasn't so bad, now. Was it, Rarity?!” the little pony spoke cheerfully to herself. Each of her friends readily shared her relief and good humor, chuckling softly with her.
Fluttershy's convulsions, however restrained, awoke a young sleeping belle. Groggily, the little filly opened her eyes. “Wh—oh.” Sweetie slowly came to, and she gasped. “Oh no! I'm sorry! I—I didn't mean to fall asleep! What did I miss!?” The little unicorn squeaked and panicked. She looked across at Twilight and Rarity's tear-stained muzzles, and chill panic gripped her. Whatever she'd missed, Sweetie knew it had to have been extremely important.
Rarity summoned one of her own handkerchiefs to dry her eyes and blow lightly.
“Sweetie, it's alright.” Twilight started.
Before Twilight could continue, Rarity laid her hoof lightly on the lavender mare's shoulder to stop her. “Good news, little sister.” Rarity beamed. “We have a second date to plan for you and Fluttershy.”
A second and a gasp later, the filly glued herself to her sister, and both of Rarity's adult friends were left stunned and silent. At least a minute passed before Fluttershy fully understood and then decided that she wasn't dreaming. Twilight had begun to think that something might be wrong with the pegasus.
“Rarity!” Fluttershy leapt across the small gap between herself and her friends, forelegs outstretched in a manner Twilight thought only Pinkie Pie was capable of until that moment, and Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and Twilight all toppled together in a hug-pile that would have made the pink party pony proud. Twilight made the best of it and, grinning wider than she had since her coronation, she wrapped her arms as best she could around her pile-mates.
“Oh! I-I'm sorry! I'm just ... so ... h—happ—” The normally reserved mare finished with an emotional squeak before breaking down into relieved, joy-filled sniffles, arms still locked around all three ponies.
“Y—yes, Dear,” Rarity wheezed, the weight of all three of them slowly crushing her. “P-please ... get off, now, if it's not too much trouble.” Sweetie giggled perhaps a little too jubilantly at her sister's misfortune.
“O—oh!” The pegasus sniffled. “Of course!”
Fluttershy allowed herself a final group squeeze before fluttering back to her hooves, and, as Twilight teleported with a pop to her own hooves, Rarity gasped for air. Twilight telekinetically lifted the two sisters to their own hooves.
When Rarity had caught her breath and straightened her mane, she smiled at Fluttershy momentarily. Happy didn't do justice to what she felt at seeing both her sister and future sister-in-law so overwhelmed with joy at her decision to support them.
There was still one more thing to address, however. Rarity cleared her voice and squared herself to her would-be family member. “Fluttershy, there's something still that I need to ask you, and I feel I should warn you, although your answer will not affect my decision to let you date my—my sister,” that thought would take some getting used to, “it may affect what kind of dating and correspondences I'll support.”
Fluttershy's enormous smile narrowed slightly at the subject and seriousness of Rarity's tone but remained still almost impossibly wide, and Rarity couldn't help but smile herself at the sight. “Of course, Rarity. You can ask me anything! ”
“Have you ... ever touched another foal ... younger than yourself?” Rarity narrowed her inquiry for only the most relevant information.
Fluttershy blushed faintly through her smile, but her answer was immediate. “No. Never, Rarity.”
Rarity sighed, relieved.
If that was all she had to answer, thought Fluttershy, she'd gotten off easy—incredibly easy ... too easy. A thought occurred to Fluttershy. “Rarity.” Fluttershy squared herself this time and Rarity looked back at attention. Fluttershy's smile narrowed a little bit more, but she still felt higher than the time she delivered a perfectly healthy litter of twelve puppies. “I feel I have to be honest with you and with Sweetie.” Her smile finally relaxed to what a smiling pony normally looks like, and her eyes showed the slightest bit of concern—nothing that came close to dampening her spirits. “You both know that the start of my and Sweetie's relationship was, um ... rocky,” Fluttershy started.
Sweetie listened, still grinning ear to ear. Rarity nodded, understanding that Fluttershy meant she'd lost control. She doubted she could ever forget it. Rarity's eyes and smile were compassionate now despite the original shock she'd suffered.
“Well, I've done other things that I regret, and, as my ... my fiancée, Sweetie, and as her guardian, Rarity, I feel you both have the right to know. I'm ready to tell you both, whenever you're ready to hear it, that is, if you want to hear it.”
It struck Rarity as odd that the timid mare smiled through such a serious statement. It struck her as even more odd that she herself kept grinning as well. Such was the power of affirmed love, she guessed. Rarity and Sweetie looked at each other, then back at Fluttershy. “I see.” Rarity sighed lightly. “I appreciate your openness, Darling, and ... as long as Twilight knows—” Rarity guessed she did for the fact that Twilight showed no sign of surprise. The regal mare confirmed, nodding with a delighted expression “—then it can wait.”
Fluttershy nodded, pleased.
“Well, then,” Rarity's smile grew again. “Seeing how the purpose of this meeting, unless I'm mistaken, was to convince me to support the two of you,” Rarity looked between the couple, her tone bright, on the edge of giddy, “and since that's been taken care of, and, I think, we're all a little tired of the scenery—no offense, Twilight, Dear.”
“None taken,” Twilight assured.
“I propose we take our party elsewhere to celebrate!”
Sweetie caught on suddenly, and, snickering, the stylish sister's smaller sibling surmised, “The spa?”
“Of course!”
Author's Note
Last revised 18 February 2015
Original Note:
Many thanks to Setokaiva for pre- and post-editing.
Announcing hiatus!
Duration: ~~about 2 months~~
What I 'll be doing did in the mean time: Fallen Angels from the beginningFallen Angels
Will I be around Fimfiction? I plan to be around a lot, still, yes.
Click here for Twilight's Notes.
Chapter 24 References: http://www.helping-people.info/rbt/metaana.htm http://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ220805 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homogeneity_(statistics) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effect_size http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_of_variance http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Rind http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatization http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-dawn/201309/can-pedophilia-ever-be-mild http://kasz.sweb.cz/pf03/#en-uvod http://www.helping-people.info/background.htm#harm http://www.helping-people.info/articles/violent_frame.htm http://www.helping-people.info/articles/i_did_not_know.htm http://www.jorisoost.nl/english.html http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3394901/
A mercifully refreshing evening passed for Twilight, Rarity, Sweetie, and Fluttershy. With their visit to the spa, a proper meal, and a much needed good night's rest, most of the ache of the past week for all four ponies was eased significantly. None had needed it more than the little yellow pegasus who, by the next day, had been energetic enough, finally, to see a full return to her duties about the cottage.
Still, Fluttershy held a kernel of anxiety for what she'd gotten herself into at the very end of Twilight's last lesson. In a flurry, the feathered mare set out after breakfast to complete her essential daily tasks. She needed to be done with the last important part of her discussion with Rarity. She longed to feel the ultimate relief of her burden, to put the last of her worries to rest, at least as far as her fiancee's older sibling was concerned. Knowing that Rarity might, at any moment, be called to busy herself with work, Fluttershy begged for another meeting as soon as possible.
Today was the day she would tell the white unicorn sisters that she'd had more of an issue with self-control than they knew. Today, she would tell them of the countless times she'd tried to reign in her sexual appetite, only to let it out with the animals she cared for.
Finally, in Twilight's loft once more, she wasted no time. Aided at moments by Twilight's matter-of-fact commentary, Fluttershy picked up where she'd left off over a week ago. “I understand completely if you don't trust me,” she had said back then, and it had taken more than a little courage for Fluttershy to admit. Sweetie had been aghast that her special somepony would risk wrecking their chances, but Fluttershy knew she hadn't known any better. “ I don't trust me.” she had finished. By Celestia, she would make herself trustworthy, if for nopony else, then, at least, for Sweetie Belle.
“N-no, um ... usually I took care of them with feathers or ... or my mouth.” Fluttershy squirmed a little, unable to help the feeling between her back legs and more self conscious in the presence of the little filly than she'd ever been one-on-one with her before. “And I liked to use—to rub with ... a silk sock on at least one hoof, for myself, but there were other things I sometimes used, like carrots in—inside, and, sometimes, some of them would lick me with a bit of encouragement.” That part wasn't so embarrassing, at least while either of her adult friends had stepped out to give them some private time to discuss the last of Fluttershy's confessions as a couple.
Embarrassed or not, Fluttershy worried and watched the filly's reactions closely. Although the filly had grimaced a little at the thought of tasting animal privates, more than anything, the foal seemed interested in understanding how it worked. Though there'd been no indication, the pegasus couldn't help but feel her young special somepony thought less of her for her sexual compulsions. Part of her waited for it to become too much for Sweetie as it had been for either of her adult friends from the moment they first understood—to overwhelm her and cause her to change her mind about wanting to be together now that she'd finally let out the whole, sordid truth; never mind that they'd come so far.
Another part of Fluttershy knew her fears were unfounded; the pegasus seemed to have the incredible fortune of attracting a filly whose love was more stubborn than her sins were repellent. If she had to confess the specifics to anypony, she was glad it was her—maybe a little too glad. She just wished it were possible not to feel so aroused as soon as her older friends had left them alone. “... that is, most of the time, but, other times, animals closer in size to ... a pony, well ... with them, yes ... sex, just like normal, except, well ... animals are usually a lot less patient or concerned than ponies, so it feels ... really different, from what I can tell.” She let the filly mull over her description.
“Normal. So,” Sweetie drew out the word contemplatively, “they were male?”
“It depended. For intercourse, yes, always.”
“D-do you ... miss being with them?”
“No, Love. I mean ... I care about them all still, but I ... usually felt guilty afterward, so I don't miss it.” She struggled for a second to explain. “I was being selfish. I might have taken care of them, but it wasn't—I didn't treat them like partners. I don't think any of them could have been full partners, even if I trained them to act like it. Like I told you and Rarity, Angel has only ever been that—like a partner—and, because he acts so much like a pony, I avoided doing those things with him, at least, because I didn't want to feel even worse. Treating him almost equal, well ... it meant I couldn't be so selfish, because he acted like—or I made myself think that he knew better, like he could be hurt if I just ignored any promise of being faithful. R-really, he probably would have accepted it in the end if I'd wanted to treat him like the other animals, but I couldn't do that and keep believing that he was more special than the others. Because I knew the others would treat sex and cuddling like I did, like it didn't mean more than only pleasure and comfort, I was able to carry on like that. Of course, I know better, or, at least, I want to believe ... that you and I share something so much more special. I was selfish, not because I treated them like animals, but because I devalued myself—acted as if I didn't know better ... as if anypony who might love me some day, like you do, didn't matter—but I did know better, and ... I'm very sorry now because of it.” Fluttershy looked with pained eyes at the filly for the second time since they'd begun talking that day.
Sweetie held up a hoof. “You already apologized. A lady means it the first time, and that's enough,” she recited, imitating the gracious air she'd admired as Rarity had once told Sweetie the exact same thing.
As she dropped the impression, Sweetie looked tenderly at her fiancee, and Fluttershy beamed back at her. “You're right. I just want to make sure you know I mean it, even without Rarity listening.”
Sweetie smiled brightly back. “Thank you, Sunshine.”
“No thanks needed. You deserve to know, Sweetheart.” Fluttershy's smile didn't waver, but something inside her did.
The filly pondered for a moment back on everything Fluttershy had revealed thus far. “What about their, um ... penises? I mean, they're made to go inside, and my horn—it's, well ... smaller and not the same, I guess.” Sweetie looked down uncertainly. She didn't ask it directly, but Fluttershy quickly understood her underlying worry. Am I good enough?
Fluttershy let out a sad sigh. “Sweetie Belle,” Fluttershy's tone and expression were both soft and serious. The little filly looked back the same. “My first time with you was more special than any other time in my life, and that was even before we came all this way together—before we've even been married. ... I know it might not seem like it, because of the way I acted and what happened after, but it made me happier that you were the one doing that to me than I'd ever felt alone or with any of my animals. I mean, it was better; you're better—so much better that I can't compare you to them ... or, well, I could compare you, but I don't want to. D-does that make sense?” Fluttershy smiled.
Sweetie blushed and felt herself tingle. Both happy and embarrassed, she conceded with a small giggle. “Well, alright then. Y-yes, I understand.” The filly's answer came as a relief to Fluttershy, and her mood lightened once more.
A moment passed and the couple fidgeted, each pony anxiously wishing she could make contact with the other, but planted firmly, facing one another for the sake of addressing the business at hoof. “Is there ... anything else?” Sweetie asked, unsure of where the discussion should lead from there.
“There's a lot we can talk about, now that we don't have to worry so much about time, and I'm happy to share everything with you. I wanted to let you and Rarity know about what I felt ashamed to keep hidden from you before. I think you know everything that you need to about my old habits, and I'm especially glad Rarity gave us some space to talk about it privately too. She really must think you're responsible to let me answer your questions without her, and I don't think we have to stop with just this. If there's anything else you're curious about, we can't be heard, and Rarity didn't say we couldn't talk about other things too, like, um ... if you don't mind my asking,” Fluttershy smiled more widely, “did you ever have any crushes before me?” Quietly the mare both hoped and dreaded she might actually be the first.
Sweetie was caught a little off guard by the reversal, but, quickly recovering, brought a hoof to her chin as she contemplated. “I—well, before you told me you love me ... I never really thought that other ponies might think of me that way, at least not until I'm older, so I never really thought about crushes. Except ... I guess I thought Miss Cheerilee was one of the best ponies I knew, and I really thought she deserved a very special somepony. Even though I never thought of being her special somepony, maybe it's kind of close to a crush. She is, um ... really super nice, b-but,” Sweetie added quickly, blushing a little, “you're nicer!”
Fluttershy found herself a little relieved that Sweetie had admired somepony previously. It meant, to her, that Sweetie had been ready, at least to some extent, to be admired. In spite of Sweetie's enthusiasm from day one, the fear that she might have rushed the filly was strong, especially after the discussion they'd had today. More than just relieved, the filly's bashful admission and apparent worry that she might make Fluttershy jealous tickled the pegasus. “Thank you, Sweetheart! It's alright,” she assured, “I love hearing about the ponies that interest you. I know you love me best, and I'm so very happy because of that. Knowing who you like just helps me know you better and feel closer to you.”
Sweetie smiled timidly at the mare's warm reassurance, and she nodded. “O-okay.”
“If you want, I'll tell you about my own first crush.”
The filly's face lit with interest. “Of course!”
Fluttershy felt herself become a little giddy at her special somepony's attention, but trained herself as, for several seconds, she collected the memory from its safe place in her mental journal. She'd shared it with Twilight not too long ago, but it still took her some time to recall.1 “The first pony I ever realized I liked that way was the foal of one of my mom's friends, a little colt my age named Starbeam, about four years old when we first met. ... He had a midnight coat and silver blue mane, cute, but not as cute as you,” Fluttershy smiled adoringly.
“At that age, I first started to understand that there were different kinds of love and that kissing was something that special someponies do. Starbeam saw me one day when Mom took me to visit his family's home. We were five then. He walked up to me, smiling, without saying anything, and, before I knew it, he kissed me on the lips in front of our mothers then ran away. It was only, maybe, the third time we'd met, and, before that, I'd been a little shy around him. He told his mother he kissed me because he wanted to, and my mom had said it was because he liked me. After that, we played more together, but only until we were about seven, I think, and his parents and mine lost touch.” Fluttershy sighed nostalgically. “That was the first time I had been kissed that had meant something special to me.”
Sweetie looked up wonderingly at her fillyfriend, her eyes large and sparkling as she listened. She blinked at the end. “You were kissed before then? You mean, by family?”
“W-well,” Fluttershy blushed, “um, you see, it's been so long that I'm not sure,” she strained to remember. “I might have already begun to play kiss tag at recess in pegasus first grade.”
Sweetie Belle looked slightly shocked and then worried. “K-kiss tag?”
Realizing she'd been insensitive, Fluttershy fretted. “S-sweetheart, I'm sorry. I ... I was really little, and it didn't mean what it means to me now, I promise.”
The foal seemed mollified, “So ... you used to, what?—play tag, but with kisses?”
Fluttershy nodded carefully.
Sweetie considered the information. “I know the animals meant nothing, and that kissing was different when you were little, but ... were there others? I mean, other ponies that you ... kissed or—or had sex with?”
“I—” Fluttershy's ears flattened “—I've never had sex with anypony but you, but there were the colts at kissing tag that kissed me and some other ponies that I liked. I don't remember kissing any other ponies outside of the game, except one other colt. We kissed innocently—just pecks on the lips—until I decided to move to Ponyville. He was ... more than a crush, I think. Even though we were only about your age, I thought of him as my first special somepony. Oh!” Fluttershy blurted just as Sweetie was about to speak. “I, um ... also had a best friend, another person just a few months younger than me, and we ... explored a little, just until I left Cloudsdale ...” Fluttershy watched closely as the filly digested her history, “but I didn't think of her as a special somepony,” she added, clarifying, “and, I guess, because of that, we never kissed.”
“'Person,'” Sweetie repeated, distracted from her original thought, “but, not an animal or a pony?”
“A young griffoness,” Fluttershy answered, nodding.
Sweetie's eyes widened. “Ooo!” she admired in spite of mixed feelings.
Fluttershy smiled at the filly's reaction. “Yes. As Cloudsdale nobility, Mom and dad had some foreign friends, and she—Joli and I both sort of had a hard time making friends with ponies our age, yet we hit it off.”
For each answer multiple new questions formed. “Wait. How exactly would you kiss a griffon?” Sweetie seemed perplexed.
“Well, I never asked her, so I'm not sure, but,” Fluttershy speculated, wanting to satisfy Sweetie's curiosity, “since they're like eagles, they might like to sing or fly together instead. Pigeons and doves just sort of tangle their beaks, but I don't know how it could be done safely between a pony and a griffon. ... The back parts ... are all mammal, of course.”
“Hmm,” Sweetie pondered before moving on to the next most pressing question. “And? I mean ... what happened with the exploring?”
Fluttershy let out a nervous laugh, but concern for how Sweetie might feel silenced it quickly. “We mostly just ... raised our tails and let the other use her hooves or talons to ... spread and look closely ... and smell.”
“Oh.” Sweetie seemed unsure about how to feel and fidgeted a little. “That's all?”
Fluttershy looked up thoughtfully. “We also told each other our fantasies ... about colts we knew, and, once, she led me to a place where we spied on two mares, um ... having sex. ... There were some dares and other things too, but it's ... a little embarrassing.” Fluttershy felt her face grow a tad warmer than it already was and conflict grow inside her. “I think that's everything I ever did with somebody else.”
Sweetie's curiosity persisted. “You ... don't want to tell me what the dares were?” She frowned and her eyes begged.
Fluttershy swallowed. “I do ... a-and I don't.” She sighed. “Sweetie, I ...” she attempted to speak candidly with the filly, but hesitated often, “I feel bad ... telling you about the ... wayward parts of my foalhood and about the animals later because ... a lot of reasons, I guess. I don't want you to think I'm bad, and I don't want you to think you should do the same things I've done, and ... I love your purity, and I know that my im purity is ... ugly ... just terrible next to how beautiful you are.” The mare choked back some emotion, but for the most part remained calm. “I worry that you'll blame me some day as much as I blame myself for taking your i-inno—erm, making you deal with all of my problems when, instead, you should be playing and wondering what your cutie mark will be like your friends.”
Fluttershy tensed against her shame—tried in vain to tell herself it would be alright.
The mare frowned. She knew it was useless to try and fool herself. “I chose all of these things myself, and it's not fair that you should have to ... to hear about all of it, I guess. You didn't choose any of it, and yet ... I ...” Fluttershy turned her gaze away, unable to bear looking into Sweetie's pure foal eyes. Her lips tightened, her teeth set on edge for a second against her own maddeningly weak will, and, as her eyes stung, she swallowed once more. One calming breath later, she looked down at the floor, and fell silent.
“But I ...” Sweetie tried, in spite of how small she felt, to say something that might help. “I chose you. ”
Fluttershy made herself look up at Sweetie and smile, but her eyes betrayed the conflict she felt. She sighed, uncertain whether she ought to say what was bothering her. “It just isn't fair to you. ... Please, don't worry—” she stopped herself. “I'm sorry. Maybe ... maybe you should worry ... at least a little, I mean.” Dangerous or not, she'd put off saying it long enough, Fluttershy decided.
Sweetie needed no prompt to worry.
“The things I've been telling you—about animals, about my foalhood, and everything else I'd like to tell you, about the dares and about my fantasies—part of me likes all of it still, whether or not they're dirty or ... or even wrong. Part of me wants you to want them, to share them with me, even though ... what I said earlier is still true: I love your innocence. ... Part of me wants to keep being the immature filly and selfish mare that I was, to just forget about the rules and pretend you're mine already, to trade your virtue for ... for careless pleasure so that we can be selfish together, but that—even though it seems like it could make us happy for a while, I just ... don't know.”
Fluttershy fought for several moments with herself to recover from the temptation. Shutting her eyes tightly, she let love and sorrow push it all back until, again, she remembered the value of self-control. When she opened her eyes, Sweetie Belle looked uncertainly back at her, as though waiting for some instruction.
“The better part of me knows that ... that's a terrible idea. The responsible and mature part of me only wants to tell you about my past so that you'll know me better and have the chance to see the real me with all of my flaws, my strange and ugly habits. The good part of me doesn't want you to be anything you don't want to be, just ... beautiful you—” Fluttershy smiled, and her eyes sparkled at the filly “—better than I was when I was your age, more mature and so much more selfless.”
Sweetie's face turned a shade of pink behind a still-uncertain frown.
“I used to use sex just to make me forget that I was unhappy, but it only made things harder for me in a lot of ways. I want you now—to have sex with you when we're married, I mean—and I want you to want me the same way, but I want your love for me to come in whatever way feels best to you, not selfishly or strangely, unless you're really sure that's what you want. ... I know you chose me, and I couldn't be happier for that, but there are different parts of me that fight each other, and I think ... I have to let you know about it, so that you'll be ready if—” the corners of Fluttershy's mouth pulled downward “—if you ever have to face my selfish side again, like you did the day I first told you I love you.” A moment passed, and Fluttershy let out a soft sigh, relieved that, whether or not she'd made sense to the filly, she'd said what needed to be said.
“You ...” Sweetie processed. “Part of you wants me to ...” her stomach turned, “h-have sex with animals ... with you?”
Hearing it restated so plainly and seeing the filly cringe, Fluttershy frowned more deeply, her brow furrowed, and guilt twisted her insides, but she nodded. “Part. Yes.”
Sweetie swallowed before moving on. “And you ... want to ... ignore the rules?” This time, there was no cringing, only the need to make sure she understood.
“P-part of me.” She nodded. The fact that the filly seemed amenable to it didn't escape Fluttershy, and the prospect of rebellion frightened and titillated her as it had since their first private talk in Twilight's loft.
“Whatever way feels best to me?” Sweetie checked.
Fluttershy nodded. “Mmhm.”
“But you might, uhm ...” Sweetie's voice shook a little, “you might lose control again, like at your house?”
Fluttershy wilted. “It's ... possible, but ... not likely. Very very unlikely,” she corrected, “unless I ever let myself become that desperate again—which I won't—but I also meant what happened before that. I mean, it was selfish of me to fake, to pretend to be asleep so that you wouldn't stop, and then to ask you to keep going even though we weren't ready. ... I mean, I might do something mule headed like ask you for something you don't want or aren't ready for, even after we're married, but I hope that you'll say no if I ever do and not blame yourself ... whatever that something might be.”
Sweetie relaxed, but remained thoughtful. “What kind of—” she stopped, recalling a different question instead. “What were the dares you did with your griffon friend?—I mean, if you don't mind telling?”
Fluttershy half-smiled suddenly and looked sheepish. “I guess it's not really a big deal, but ... you might think it's gross,” she warned.
Sweetie raised an eyebrow. “I'm waiting.”
“Sometimes, we'd flash our nethers in public while trying not to be caught.”
“That's not gross,” Sweetie observed.
“That's not the gross part. You see, there were other times that we, um ... had pee fights.”
There was the reaction Fluttershy expected. “You mean, like peeing on each other?” Sweetie asked.
Fluttershy nodded, blushing. “We'd move our bottoms, using the streams like swords.”
“Okay. That does sound a little gross.” The filly laughed at the image in spite of herself, and Fluttershy chuckled with her.
“Uhm ... I forgot to mention, I sort of taught Joli—showed her—how to masturbate once, but that wasn't a dare.”
Sweetie suddenly blushed once more and shifted anxiously for a moment. “Y-you ... think it's best for me to wait, and not try it, right?”
Fluttershy hadn't expected the question, but she wasn't surprised by it. A half-smile formed again across the mare's muzzle. “Part of me thinks so.” Her guilt at being so ambivalent prevented the mischievous giggle that would have followed, and, instead, she sighed inwardly at herself. “I mean, yes.”
Sweetie contemplated quietly for a moment. “Because ... the feelings are strong ... and can change a pony before she's ready, right?”
“Right.” Fluttershy nodded, smiling, glad that what she'd said weeks ago had stuck with the filly.
“If I ... changed, would that mean that I might be ... more like you?—like, maybe I'd start to like some of the things you do: a-animals and stuff?
Comprehension dawned on Fluttershy. “Maybe, but ... I don't think it's likely, unless you forced yourself to try them until it felt normal and then, eventually, good. It was years before I felt brave enough to try sex with, well ... animals,” she left the species unnamed.
Sweetie Belle nodded. “I'm just sort of ... curious.” Sweetie felt a familiar tension building. “Kissing felt ... really good, and, also, I, um ... touched myself before I tried licking your ... vulva?—” Sweetie checked to make sure she'd used the right word. Fluttershy nodded, blushing “—and that kind of felt the same almost.” Sweetie looked expectantly up at Fluttershy.
“It's really even more powerful than the feeling you had from kissing on our date, and it's more powerful than just rubbing or touching yourself a little under your tail. Nothing compares to real sex. Um ... if you did try masturbating—I mean, I hope your first time can be when we're together, of course, and you know I'm practicing self-control right now too—but if you did, you'd probably be satisfied with just the most simple orgasm. You might want another soon after, and cuddling feels wonderful, but you wouldn't need or want anything unusual to excite you unless you'd been masturbating for a very long time, I think. You still might like some of the things I mentioned, or you might find your own special tricks, different from mine, but you probably won't crave them like ... like I often feel I do.”
The filly nodded and processed once more.
“Please don't worry about trying my ... stranger interests for now. I mostly just wanted to prepare you, in case I might ask you to try them with me some day, but only if you're interested.”
Sweetie's mouth twisted in contemplation. “Expo-sitionism,” Sweetie tried out the new vocabulary word, “and ... pee-fighting too?”
Fluttershy praised her with an approving nod and large smile. “Well, maybe I've grown out of certain parts,” the pegasus explained, “but, if turning it into a sword fight makes it fun for you, then, I suppose so, yes. I do still like the pee part a little. As for flashing each other in public, I think it's just too risky now. Two little fillies could get away with it if one were caught, but ... not us. Of course, it's normal to show yourself when we're married and alone and you're in the mood.” Fluttershy shook the image that came with that statement as best she could. Sweetie had less success than the mare.
The tension that had gradually built thus far between them rose significantly for the filly. “I—” Sweetie's breath came unevenly “—w-would you ...” she trailed off and gulped. “If I asked, would you still agree to break the rules about visiting each other?”
Suddenly, the tension spiked for Fluttershy. Each pony looked seriously into each other's eyes. “Y-yes. In a heartbeat.”
Calling upon every decent part of her, it was all Fluttershy could do to keep herself from begging the filly to ask her. Sweetie did no more than blink silently and become a little lost in the mare's expectant eyes.
At length, Sweetie answered. “O-okay.” The little filly's gaze shifted worriedly. “I-I mean—um ... just ... checking. ... Th-thanks.”
A moment later, both let out tense sighs.
“It's hard, waiting,” Fluttershy spoke what they both were feeling. “And, if you ask me to right now, if you want me to change that answer, to say no even if you beg me to visit you alone, I'll do it. No should be my answer already, for everypony's sake, but ... part of me still wants you enough to break the rules. ... Do you want me to stop that part, Sweetie?—to say no, even if you ask for it?
The little unicorn shrank, her ears folded back, and her eyes shifted uncertainly. “I ... don't know. ... Maybe?”
Fluttershy couldn't help breaking into a smile and a light chuckle at the response. “Maybe is the hardest answer you could have given me.” She couldn't help but laugh again at the expectation she'd had of an easy answer. Sweetie brightened a little at the pegasus's odd upswing, but remained uncertain. “Don't worry, Sweetheart—or, at least, don't worry too much.” Fluttershy looked lovingly at the filly. “I'll take care good of you, no matter what.”
Twilight and Rarity sat watching the pair through a one-way sound-proof para-window of Twilight's magifacture, cleverly and covertly placed within a tome that faced away from all but the two spectators.
“They certainly have plenty to talk about, I suppose.” Rarity remarked.
“No doubt they need to talk about a lot,” Twilight agreed. “It's been hard on them, only having a little time each day, at most, to talk openly and privately during visits, and then spending the last week apart. I don't know why I never thought of this!”
“Well, you were giving them time to ... be intimate,” she whispered, despite nopony being within earshot, “more than just with words, that is. It makes sense that you'd play it safe by leaving no window open for them to be seen.” Rarity had already expressed her displeasure with that idea. She wouldn't press the issue further. “It's not quite as obvious as maybe it seems in hindsight, I admit, to give them separate time to talk. Of course, you had a lot on your mind too, Dear,” Rarity excused.
“Reckless,” Rarity had called their previous private moments, and, though Twilight thought it had been a necessary risk at the time, she didn't contest the statement, but she had asked what other solutions Rarity might have.
Direct contact only under Twilight's supervision had satisfied the couple's desire to share acceptable levels of physical intimacy. It helped that the couple had set stricter boundaries before the Summer Sun Celebration and that Twilight's tolerance for seeing the two kiss had risen after their first date. Rarity's additional proposal of a muted supervisory window solely for the couple's private conversation time eliminated most of the couple's temptation to become distracted as they communicated at length about private matters.
Twilight sighed. “You don't know how much of a relief it is to have your help, Rarity.”
The elegant mare smiled and nodded with a thoughtful hum. “I can only imagine what you went through—” her smile fell into a small frown, “—what Sweetie and Fluttershy must have endured, waiting for my decision.”
The expressions on the couple's faces played dramatically at times over the course of the next hour without any noticeable need to intervene. As Rarity read through Twilight's extended notes, she couldn't help but watch the curious couple more closely than strictly necessary at times and feel as though she were peeping.
“I wonder,” Rarity paused at the end of one scroll, interrupting the persistent scratch of Twilight's quill on parchment, “do you think there's any risk, just in letting them talk?”
Twilight recalled her assessments. “There is, I think; yes. In the end, whether by allowing them to talk this way, by giving them time unsupervised like I did before, or by forbidding all private communication, I can only estimate the risks and weigh them against the benefits.”
“You must have thought about what might happen in the worst case,” Rarity prompted.
Twilight's lips pressed into a thin line. “In the worst case scenario, there would be nothing we could do but damage control ... if even that,” the purple pony answered frankly. “I've considered as much, of course, but it's important we prepare for every likelihood, both bad and good, not just the unlikely extreme. ... They know the consequences and know that we're here to help. Whether or not they continue to accept our guidance and hold to the boundaries we've all discussed, the destiny of their relationship rests mostly on their shoulders now—or always has, I should say. Meanwhile, I'm trying to stay optimistic, to prepare as thoroughly for their happy ending as I do for their ... less happy ending.”
A quiet moment passed, and Rarity made her own assessment. “I'd like to be optimistic as well, but ... she has anything but a sparkling record, Twilight.”
Twilight simply nodded, concerned. “Do you think you'll change your mind after all, now that you know?”
“Not yet, no.” Rarity thought hard. “But, if ever I do ... I realize now that it's not my mind only that would need changing.”
Author's Note
Many thanks to Setokaiva for pre- and post-editing.dekutree64 for additional proofreading!
Sources:http://www.hancockwildlife.org/article.php/AMatingBehavior https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOGJBz5najQ
“Canterlot Garden? Hmm ...” Rarity considered, but quickly doubted. “Even if there's nopony else there, and I highly doubt that would be the case ... the travel time would cut into what you'd actually get to spend together—” Rarity paused to find the correct thread for her next stitch “—not to mention, ponies would probably ask why we went out of town for half a day.”
“Oh, yeah.” Sweetie looked a little disappointed, but continued to think while her sister sewed, sitting in the main work room at Carousel Boutique not long after closing time. “Maybeee—Oh! Oo-oo!—the south swimming hole!”
The mare held her place while she considered again. “The swimming hole ... at the beginning of Summer? You know that it will likely have visitors, even if it is farther and less popular than the other ponds.”
“That's okay!” the filly countered. “I mean, I knew that Canterlot Garden might have other ponies too, but ... we're not trying to kiss the whole time, like last time.”
Rarity let out a small, surprised horse noise.
Sweetie continued, not noticing. “I just want to talk outside for once, and it would be fun to go swimming together!” The thought caused her to bubble with foalish energy.
“You kissed the entire time ... on yo—your first date?”
Sweetie reacted with momentary shock that she'd let that bit of information slip before grinning sheepishly. “Relax, Sis. Twilight was there the whole time, and ... I really didn't mean the whole time, just ... most of the time.” This didn't ameliorate their situation much to the older sister. Sweetie laughed nervously at her expression. “B-besides ... we're not going to do that this time, remember?”
Rarity let out a groaning sigh. “I love them both, but, really , they ought to have taught you better decorum.”
Sweetie raised a confused eyebrow. “Wasn't it too late to worry about acting lady-like after ... after that day at the cottage?”
Rarity blinked. “I see your point. ... Still,” she persisted, “it's never too late to start practicing ladylike behavior. I can understand Twilight, perhaps, having been more concerned about hiding you and curbing any ... outright lewd behavior, rather than make sure you acted sensibly, but Fluttershy ...” Rarity knew the pegasus had been brought up to know better. “I suppose that's another of her self-control issues.” The mare's lips formed a tight, uneven frown.
Sweetie became quiet, but looked gloomily at the floor. A moment later, Rarity noticed the lack of verbal response.
“Oh,” Rarity realized softly at the filly's crestfallen expression. “Sweetie, I'm ... I'm sorry.”
Sweetie's eyes shimmered up at her sister. “You don't think she's a good special somepony.” Sweetie stated simply.
Rarity opened and closed her mouth, then bit her lower lip before finally speaking. “That's, well—” she stopped. “I know you love her, Sweetie, and I know that she's a wonderful pony.”
“But ... you still don't think she's good at being my special somepony,” the little filly repeated.
“Well, now ... I didn't say that, did I?” Rarity replied.
Sweetie sighed. “No. But you don't like it when I talk about being with her.”
Rarity hesitated, drawing in a tense breath. “It's ... fine.” She remained tense for several seconds before suddenly releasing the breath she'd held back. “Okay,” Rarity admitted. “It's not all fine, but,” the elder sister locked eyes with the hurt filly, “I don't mean that I disapprove of her as your special somepony; I promise. I really do mean to help you both. The idea that my ... baby sister is already in that kind of relationship is still ... so new to me, and, I suppose, Mother and Father didn't really, um ... teach me—didn't prepare either of us to feel very comfortable with the subject of intimacy.” Rarity suddenly felt oddly left behind as her own younger sister seemed more at ease talking about the specifics of courtship than she. “There is propriety to worry about,” she defended, “but we do have to be open about these things, now, if it's going to work,” she recognized.
Rarity set aside her sewing and removed the eyeglasses she wore for stitching. Setting herself to face the foal, she took a deep breath and exhaled. Sweetie looked back, comforted that her sister seemed to genuinely want to help.
“Sweetie,” Rarity started, “I know how confusing it can be for a young filly, who's still cultivating herself, to learn the differences between what behavior may be considered couth and uncouth.” The mare's mouth twisted as she thought how to phrase what she meant. “There were times ... in my own foalhood, when that confusion—the fear that I might have made a mistake or might not know what to do in some situation—caused me to doubt ... whether I was good enough, whether I might never come to realize my dreams.”
Rarity's expression was one of far off contemplation, but refocused tenderly on her little sister. “I know your dreams aren't my dreams, but, Precious Heart, if I make a fuss, it's only because I care. If I seem ... hesitant or a bit hardheaded at times, I hope you'll know that I still love you. I don't want you to feel too self-conscious to come to me with anything, big or little, scary or ... or even uncouth—understand?”
Sweetie nodded seriously.
“Good.” Rarity smiled, satisfied. “Then ... is there anything you'd like to ask me or just talk about, about Flu—” just for good practice, Rarity lowered her voice and avoided the name, “—about your special somepony, that you've kept back for any reason or been too embarrassed to discuss before now?” The invitation was tender, as was her expression.
Sweetie shifted uncertainly. Twilight had taught her so many things already, mostly the facts and consequences of sex and relationships and how to prepare. Fluttershy herself had shown her an example of the shame that came with doing what everypony else said was wrong, whether or not it felt good. Sweetie thought of the secret promise Fluttershy had made to take her away, regardless of that shame, if she asked. “N-not really, but ...” Sweetie started, “why ... why does it have to be so hard?” Her small brow furrowed, and she frowned. Why shouldn't they just run away like she wished they could? “Why can't we just ...” the filly's eyes watered, and her voice shook, “just be happy, already?”
Rarity rose to step forward and pull the filly into a warm hug which Sweetie returned readily, needily. For what seemed like a long time, the two sisters rested quietly in each other's embrace until Rarity broke the silence.
“If it weren't hard sometimes, we would never learn how rare, how strong, and how precious true love is,” the older sister answered and sighed at her own romantic misadventures. “Happiness ...” thought Rarity aloud, “happiness doesn't just come whenever we want it to. Happiness is earned with hard work and tears sometimes. Sometimes we get lucky, and we're happy without as much trouble, but that kind of happiness doesn't usually hold the same worth or last as long as the kind that ... that you and she will have, if you keep working at it patiently.”
Looking up, Sweetie smiled in spite of the droplets that had formed in the corners of her eyes, and Rarity smiled back. “You really think so?” Sweetie asked.
Rarity nodded. “I certainly do, and I'm very proud of you, little sister.” Rarity's words and smile quickly reassured the young foal. “What would harmony mean, after all, without knowing a bit about chaos?”
Discord drew a sip of tea through a winding crazy straw across from Fluttershy in her cottage's living room with a lazy expression.
As she settled into her own cup of tea and cucumber sandwich, Fluttershy smiled at her draconequus friend. “So, how have things been since Twilight reported the, um ... plunder seed incident?” the mare guessed there might have been some trouble for the reformed spirit of chaos when Celestia had been informed of what was behind her kidnapping.
“Oh, you know. More or less ordinary.” The last word left his mouth with distaste. “Although, I suppose it hasn't been all bad.” An impish grin plastered his face. “At least I got to see her royal sun-shininess's reaction when she found out it had been my plunder seeds that captured her and the other blue one.”
“Was she ... upset?” Fluttershy's concern showed, but she didn't seem to fret, trusting that Princess Celestia was more than mature enough to handle the revelation.
“Oh, the look on her face!” He let out an amused laugh. “She might have known that the Tree of Harmony was getting weaker,” the spirit of chaos was blasé before again becoming excited, “ but she had no idea that it had been me behind it!” Suddenly, a large gold star sticker appeared on Discord's serpentine body.
Fluttershy was caught off guard. “She was—but—” the little mare stammered, confused “—she ... knew? ”
“Oh, yes,” Discord explained airily. “You remember when I said the seeds should have stolen the tree's magic and captured the princesses thousands of moons ago?”
Come to think, she did remember now. Fluttershy nodded, still confused.
“Well, apparently, the reason that the tree lasted so much longer than I'd expected—” Discord's minor annoyance shown briefly as a small, crude replica of the tree appeared in front of his face before he shooed it away to hover close by instead “—is because Princess Celestia had been feeding it her own magic ever since she'd noticed.” A puppet of the princess flashed into existence near the small model tree, flailing and spinning ridiculously of its own accord. “Said she'd needed to keep the Elements of Harmony available in case Equestria needed them. Unfortunately for her, the fact that she gave part of her magic to the tree left her a bit weak on the day of Princess Cadence and Shining Armor's wedding.” The corners of Discord's mouth twitched upward as he watched a black changeling queen puppet fall from nowhere, squashing the puppet Celestia, and he sighed. “Shame I had to miss out on such excellent chaos.”
Fluttershy raised a stern eyebrow, at which Discord froze momentarily, and the toy figures vanished. “W-well,” he laughed dismissively, “of course, it all worked out in the end.” Discord drew a long gulp of tea through his straw, which, to Fluttershy's momentary surprise, now formed a series of heart-shaped loops.
“It did turn out alright,” Fluttershy allowed, “but only because Twilight was there to rescue Princess Cadence, no thanks to Queen Chrysalis.” Fluttershy amended. “But ...” she returned to her previous thought, “if Princess Celestia knew about the Tree of Harmony, I mean, if she was taking care of it, why did it suddenly ... how did the seeds suddenly take over?”
“I didn't ask.” Discord shrugged, but, seeing the look of curiosity on the mare's face, he ventured to speculate. “I suppose ... Celestia took into account the fact that you Element bearers were strong enough each, individually, to save her some of her power. By now, I suppose you know, the tree draws its energy from the Elements of Harmony.” Gem-like versions of the cutie marks of Fluttershy and her friends flashed into existence and orbited above her guest's head. “But, what you might not know is that it also takes some of its energy from you element bearers. ” Colorful, pointy looking versions of the six bearers flashed into existence, scattered about Discord's immediate person, engaged in various activities, with a thin strand of bright energy connecting each one to her respective element. “I have a gift for knowing how magic moves, you might say.”
Again, the illustrations vanished, and a smile that seemed to be more knowing than questioning spread across the ancient draconequus's features. “I don't suppose anything happened to one of you, not long before the whole debacle?” The confidence in his eyes caused Fluttershy to tense, and she thought immediately of what it might have been. “Something that, say, Princess Celestia might not have expected?”
Feeling her nerves get the better of her, Fluttershy took a deep breath. “W-well, there was, um ... Starswirl's unfinished spell. We were all really down while our destinies were mixed up.”
“You think Princess Celestia wouldn't have expected that, after sending that little book to Twilight herself?” Discord raised an eyebrow.
“I—I guess she would have.” Fluttershy gulped, and Discord leaned in closer. “I, um ... I guess I ... just don't know what went wrong?” The timid mare grinned nervously, ears folded under the weight of her ancient friend's piercing gaze.
“Well, be that as it may,” Discord suddenly leaned back to kick his hoof and claw up onto the coffee table between them, “there are no worries now, I suppose. You're all getting along so nicely, it seems.” The serpentine friend helped himself to a cucumber sandwich, and Fluttershy relaxed. “Good thing, too,” he spoke with a mouthful before swallowing. “Without the elements to keep you together, your friendships certainly don't need any more tests, do they?”
Discord's harrowing little reminder that her friendships seemed to no longer be strengthened by the mystic power of the elements wasn't something that Fluttershy took lightly. The quest to open the mystery box might unite them for now, but there was no telling what might happen if and when they discovered its secret or what might happen, rather, if it never opened. Already, nearly a week had passed since Rarity's decision, and, if she were going to tell her friends as planned, thought Fluttershy, spurred on by Discord's remark, it had better be sooner rather than later.
Knowing that her friend had the day off, the shy but determined pegasus had arrived at the cloud home of Rainbow Dash just an hour ago that morning after breakfast, under the pretense of delivering a treat for Tank, and asked if Rainbow felt like playing some board games. It wasn't often the speedy showoff took time away from training and work just to play board games without visiting a sick friend or being grounded by some injury. Fluttershy was the rare exception.
“Oh, my.” Fluttershy took a hit, the strategically placed pieces on her hidden side of the board all marked with small, lightning bolt-shaped pegs. “You found my seagull! That's the last one,” the mare gracefully admitted her defeat.
“Hah! I win again!” the rainbow pegasus pony gloated shamelessly, and Fluttershy smiled happily, taking more satisfaction from her friend's victory than she thought she ever would if she herself won. Fluttershy usually liked Rainbow Dash best when she saw her happy that way.
“Congratulations, Dashie.”
“Wanna play a different game?” Dash inquired, satisfied with having won three out of three matches of Weather Ponies.
“Um, sure, but ... Rainbow Dash.” Rainbow hmmed while putting away the strategy game. “First ... c-can we talk a little?”
“Yeah, sure thing.” Rainbow looked up curiously from the beat up game box. “Figures you'd wanna talk. You don't usually visit my cloud home.”
Fluttershy had caught a number of concerned glances throughout their games from the light blue pegasus. It seemed likely Rainbow knew something had been on her mind ever since she'd arrived. “I—I'm sorry. I should visit more often.” Fluttershy frowned.
“Pff!~ Don't worry about it. I know you like to keep your hooves on the ground ...” Dash fell back, relaxing into her cloud chair, “though I do think you're missing out.” Fluttershy grinned again. “So, what's on your mind?”
Fluttershy took a calming breath. This wasn't so bad, she thought, not nearly as bad as it had been with Twilight, mid-crisis, or with Rarity. Fluttershy shuddered. Beside knowing that Rainbow was probably her most loyal friend, she'd had time and experience to prepare herself mentally, and, this time, there was no pressure to tell her friend immediately, nor receive her complete approval under penalty of forfeiting her love. Fluttershy had discussed the matter of telling their other adult friends with Sweetie, Rarity, and Twilight, and they'd been more than willing to help her, but, the yellow mare decided, considering their history, this particular conversation was one she wanted to have alone.
The yellow mare swallowed. “I'm not sure how to say this,” she began, “so, I guess, I'll start by saying ... you've always been a really great friend. ... Ever since flight camp, I've really admired your confidence and how you've always stood up for what you feel is right. I've been honored to have you and our other friends by my side through thick and thin, but you've been there the longest, and I feel like I owe it to you, now that I've told two of our other friends already, to let you be the next to know.”
Rainbow watched and listened, her eyes grew wide, and her expression changed to one of keen anticipation. Sitting upright, she nodded encouragingly, “Yeah?”
“Rainbow Dash, I'm ... secretly in love—” the azure friend's eyebrows raised, and her eyes widened more “—e-engaged to marry somepony ... somepony you know,” Rainbow's jaw dropped, “but, if word got out who, they might be taken away from me.”
The blue pegasus looked about as surprised as Fluttershy expected she'd be. “You ... you actually proposed to her?!” Rainbow was stunned.
Wait, what? “W-wait. I—'her? '” Fluttershy stammered.
“And, you're telling me she said, yes, and Twilight and Rarity approved?! ” The speedy pegasus's incredulity seemed to know no bounds.
“N—ye—but—but, Rainbow, stop!” Everything seemed to be spinning, and the yellow mare couldn't help but wish she were planted firmly on the ground rather than feel herself swaying in Rainbow Dash's cloud home.
Fluttershy rubbed her eyes and shook her head. Once she'd finally accepted that she wasn't dreaming, she looked back, baffled, at the smug, rainbow-maned friend. “So ... Sweetie Belle, huh?” Rainbow's inquiry came out more glib and ever-so-slightly critical than questioning. A skeptically raised eyebrow confirmed she had mixed feelings.
“How did you ...” Fluttershy wondered whether Rainbow could suddenly read minds? No, that didn't make sense.
When Fluttershy didn't finish her question, Rainbow answered anyway. “Visits to the library, secret notes, aaand whatever was going on last week.” Rainbow sounded uncertain. Fluttershy simply gaped. “I visited, you know, but you were so out of it I doubt you even remember.” The yellow pegasus could only vaguely recall Rainbow's recent visit. “It seemed like you were doing really well before. I saw that exercise routine of yours, and that had me thinking you were you were pretty alright, I mean ... but then ... you had us really worried.” Concern shown in Rainbow's eyes.
Fluttershy took a moment to catch up. “U-us?” She looked more stressed at the realization that others might know.
Rainbow nodded. “Pinkie too. Applejack was too busy last week. Says she's been making up lost time 'cause she was distracted before, but she didn't want to say why.”
“B-but ... Pinkie knows about—about everything?”
Seeing Fluttershy fret, Rainbow hurried to clarify. “No! I meant she was worried 'cause you were a zombie surrounded by ghosts, or something like that, at least according to her.” The blue pegasus's eyes rolled.
“But, if you know, maybe there are others.” Fluttershy worried. “You noticed us leaving notes and ...” Fluttershy rubbed her front hooves together anxiously, “visiting the library.”
“Yeah, but I wouldn't worry too much about that,” Rainbow dismissed. “Some of the other weather ponies might have seen it, but they wouldn't figure out anything unless they knew you like I do.”
“Wha—how?” Fluttershy repeated. “I've always hidden that ... that I, um ...” the nervous pony's voice lowered to a whisper, “like foals.”
Rainbow sighed. “It's ... not important. Let's just say, Sweetie is the only one I figured it could be when you said you're secretly in love.”
Well, that made sense, thought Fluttershy. She began to relax. “You ... you're not upset?”
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Nuh-uh.” The sky blue pegasus brought a hoof to her chin while she considered how she felt. “Surprised, maybe, but not upset.” Rainbow let her astonishment show again. “And you still got me stumped, not only how you got Sweetie to say yes, but Twi and Rarity to agree!” Seeing the yellow pony's puzzlement and her mouth open as if to question, Rainbow Dash explained impatiently. “You said you told two of our friends, and you said 'engaged.' That didn't leave a lot of options.” When Fluttershy appeared to be on the same page finally, Rainbow continued. “So!? How the hay did you do it? I never thought they'd let that sort of thing—I mean, foal-fooling—fly like that ... Miss high-society, especially, and with her kid sister! ”
Fluttershy took another calming breath. “Well, actually, um ... Sweetie proposed, sort of, not me ... but I did say I love her first ... and Twilight was the first to help us. She really made it possible for Rarity to see our side and the engagement become official, but ... none of it has been easy. Last week,” Fluttershy swallowed just thinking about it, “I was waiting for Rarity, giving her some time after Twilight, Sweetie, and I told her, um ... about our relationship.” Fluttershy felt it better not to jump straight into details.
“Proposed to you? ” Fluttershy nodded, and Rainbow considered for a moment. “Guess I'm not too surprised. You've got a way with younger kids.” Rainbow paused, seeming to reflect. “I guess not knowing if you'd get to ...” Rainbow looked uncomfortable saying it, “be with her would explain the major moping. Did Rarity have a heart attack? What did you tell her?” Rainbow wasn't wont to ease into the subject. “Did Sweetie Belle and you ... y'know?” Rainbow made a face that betrayed her lack of shared taste in Fluttershy's romantic interests, despite her curiosity.
Feeling awkward, Fluttershy looked down. “Rarity was ... really upset. We told her—” Fluttershy's gaze shifted momentarily up at her friend, cautiously checking. She'd handled everything better than Fluttershy had hoped, so far “—told her that ...” the yellow pony shut her eyes and pushed through the scariest part, “we had sex, once.” After a moment, she opened one eye to check that nothing had gone horribly wrong. When she saw that Rainbow Dash looked unsettled, but not upset, her other eye opened, but she only managed to look down again, grimacing at the table between them.
“Sorry,” Rainbow Dash confessed. “I don't mean it like I'm angry or anything,” she looked apologetically at the other pegasus, “but I was kind of afraid you'd say that.” A heavy silent moment passed between them, and Fluttershy, looking up again at Rainbow, felt guilt weigh on her for the umpteenth time. “Why couldn't you have, y'know ... waited ... not just for Rarity's sake, but your own?” Rainbow looked as though she might add more, but, seeing Fluttershy's remorse, held her tongue.
“I should have waited,” Fluttershy admitted. “Rarity managed to forgive me, but, what I did affects all of us as best friends. Can you forgive me too?”
Rainbow Dash smiled sympathetically. “Sure, Flutters. Water under the bridge.”
Fluttershy lifted her head with a relieved smile and fluttered to her friend's side to hug her. “Thank you, Dashie.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow returned her embrace. “Just promise me you won't make me listen to any of the more personal details ... unless you absolutely have to.” Rainbow smiled nervously.
Fluttershy actually managed a light laugh and a sigh. “You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that.”
“And ...” Rainbow's smile faded, and she tightened her embrace subtly. One of her hooves stroked the back of Fluttershy's head once gently, and her voice became uncharacteristically tender, “don't scare me like that again, okay?”
Author's Note
Last revised 22 March 2015
This chapter unlocks the Mane 6 tag for this story. Sorry, Rarity-tag!
Thanks to Setokaiva for pre- and post-editing.
Sources 'n Stuff: http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/4/4/1333548711318/Battleship-board-game-001.jpg https://derpiboo.ru/643177/
In a city far removed from everypony they knew, a kindhearted pegasus wrapped a small ivory filly in her forelegs.
“Fluttershy, I'm so happy when we're together!”
The filly's sincere declaration set her heart aflutter.
“You're everything to me, Sweetie Belle.”
The yellow pegasus's gentle eyes were wet with the joy of that perfect moment and the knowledge that nothing would separate them for as long as they kept their love secret. The two glowed, radiating happiness, all their struggles and losses forgotten in that moment. Truly love conquered all.
Gently nuzzling the filly's cheek, Fluttershy breathed in the scent of her young love's swirled mane. Sweetie Belle blushed easily at the contact, and, closing her eyes, savored the sensation from the pony whose love and attention she always craved.
The young mare and the foal had been brought together through extraordinary events, by their mutual wish to be loved unconditionally, by Sweetie Belle’s innocently trusting nature, and by Fluttershy's immense kindness which, in their story, had taken the form of unprecedented bravery and determination. Being together had required abandoning everything and everypony they knew, but, as long as they had each other, it was more than worth it.
The winged mare reflected deeply. Until not long ago, Fluttershy had contented herself with the companionship of her animal friends. The day she discovered her talent had indeed been one of the happiest days of her entire life, had literally saved her life in more ways than one.
Beside the kaleidoscope of butterflies that had miraculously prevented her impact with the ground when she couldn’t fly, working with animals had performed the even greater miracle of catching her emotional fall. They had given her meaning and purpose outside of her uncertain home life. They gave her peace of mind, warmth, and affection. Thanks to the fact that she had made a respectable career working with them, her animal friends had even buffered her from the judgments of fellow pegasi who looked on her weak and timid form with pity at the best of times and sheer contempt at the worst.
As foal to two of Cloudsdale's most respected nobleponies, Fluttershy's weakness as a flier was an insult to her breeding among those proud pegasi who saw their superiority in their ability to literally be above others. Certain ponies among the Cloudsdale elite sometimes boasted of never having set hoof on solid ground. Due to her parents' status, Fluttershy had been one groomed for that greatness which she would inherit. It was no wonder she'd never before seen the ground and the wealth of creation it hosted.
Now, however, Fluttershy was the epitome of a humbled pony. Now, she relished that much more what her proud origins had prevented her from enjoying—the simpler things, the meek companionship of her animals, her flowers, and her trees. Most ponies didn't understand her joy, and, in true neighborly Ponyville fashion, many tried to help the pegasus come out of her shell. It was often a relief to her when they gave up and left her alone.
Ponies whom she felt really understood her seemed few and far between. Applejack was one of those. It made sense to her that a pony so connected to the Earth and ingrained in quiet farm life would appreciate what Fluttershy did. Twilight had been another who seemed to quickly comprehend the appeal of her mostly quiet companionship with animals. Twilight had also come from a life of status and chosen to leave it. It had caught up with her, of course, and Twilight had become the very essence of nobility—Fluttershy chuckled inwardly, thinking about the irony of it—but she saw, still, that Twilight was very much like herself at heart.
Rarity and Pinkie Pie may or may not have ever understood Fluttershy, but there were few ponies so magnanimous and kindhearted as they were. Fluttershy's friendship with them formed more easily than a summer breeze. Where their interests overlapped, Fluttershy greatly enjoyed spending time with the two, and where their interests didn't overlap, there had rarely been any conflict. This, Fluttershy thought, was probably because, despite their intrinsically social nature and talents, and despite inviting her to various social gatherings, the yellow pegasus had always felt comfortable in crowds, since they usually allowed her to blend in and go unnoticed.
What happened with Photo Finish had been quite the scare for Fluttershy, causing her to believe that Rarity's friendship would cost her her quiet hermetic existence or that she might have to damage the extremely close bond they shared in order to abandon modeling. It had been a huge relief when she learned that Rarity's intentions were not what they seemed, that she hadn't been pressuring Fluttershy to become famous for her own sake, but, rather, because she thought the pegasus would have enjoyed becoming famous as much as she herself would. Fluttershy would never complain about what had happened, since, in the end, it only strengthened their bond all the more.
Fluttershy nearly laughed out loud thinking about how she and Pinkie had become friends, but the thought of her own situation cut her mirth short. The short version of the story, Fluttershy thought to herself, was that the quintessentially pink pony had made it impossible not to be friends.
Rainbow Dash was a special case—a very special case, Fluttershy corrected herself. Their friendship stemmed in large part from their history, the fact that they not only attended Flight School together, but also dropped out together (and all that that entailed), and that Rainbow Dash's loyalty was hard, if not impossible, to turn away. The two were almost polar opposites when it came to hobbies and interests. Their personalities and temperaments were vastly different as well.
What made the opposites attract and form such a close friendship, Fluttershy thought, had to be the strong moral principles which had led Rainbow to champion the shy pegasus in the race that won them both their cutie marks. By extension, and perhaps most importantly, Rainbow cared deeply and genuinely for others. Fluttershy believed that that care even surpassed the blue pegasus's formidable care for herself. Of course, their friendship wasn't hurt in the least by Fluttershy's great admiration of how the aspiring Wonderbolt usually exuded so much confidence, something she herself wished she could do sometimes.
The pony friends Fluttershy had gained over the years had shown her there was something more to be had in bonding with a peer than she could ever find in the company of her animal friends, an emotional and intellectual connectedness that fulfilled her in a way she had missed without that bonding and that she yearned for at an ever deeper level. Years before Fluttershy encountered her current friends, that yearning had existed. Along with the pressures of flight school and her home life, the loneliness she’d felt caused her to spiral downward until, at last, her calling, her animal friends, had come to her rescue.
In her earliest years as a small filly, the quiet pony found several ways to cope so that she could coast and sometimes lift herself out of her severe anxiety-induced blues. One of her more secret and, she admitted to herself, shameful methods was frequent sexual release. Since she was old enough to form memories, she recalled rocking herself with her teddy between her flanks. She hadn't known what it meant, only that it felt extremely good at the end.
A lot had happened since those formative years, the most important of which—she recalled only briefly at the moment—had been a spiritual awakening. So many fears had vanished as she discovered her place in existence and sought guidance through Harmony, yet, almost immediately, life had found new ways to test her. Though she remained stalwart and tried to live right by her new standards, mistakes were inevitable. While she felt she'd known it at some level from the beginning of her very young ecclesiastical commitment, she eventually came to learn that her sexual escapades were in direct conflict with the faith she trusted. The foalish naughtiness she'd once felt about touching herself in a dirty place grew into guilt, and thus began a long and repeating cycle of frantically searching for an alternative form of comfort to escape from daily stress, followed by the ultimate giving in to old habits, then guilt, shame, swearing to herself she'd stop, stress again, and relapse. Guilt and sexual pleasure gradually mixed together both bitter and sweet, and, with time, Fluttershy could no longer remember them separately. As a budding young pegasus, she felt compelled to push boundaries and take risks in search of higher heights, and it wasn't long before she began doing things she'd be utterly mortified to be caught in the act of.
It felt liberating in a way, despite the addictiveness. As a blank flank she remembered masturbating in the oddest of places, and, in private, indulging in what had later become her biggest fetishes—free, but in direct opposition, oftentimes, to what she knew was expected of a proper young lady. Meanwhile, she became trapped in patterns of self-denigration until fear of losing her friends' respect eventually tempered her compulsiveness.
Fear was a poor motivator, she found, and the urges she felt would always remain a weak point for her. To that day, she still acted out and often felt ashamed of it, worrying about Celestial retribution or public humiliation. On the other hoof, the actions she thought of as weak and shameful drove away her every care with such intense excitement that she never forgot why it held her in its obsessive control, and, when it was over, the release of pent-up tension and hormones soothed her aching loneliness in a wave of oxytocin.
What would cause a pony like her to fall in love with a filly so accepting, so vulnerable, so eager to please, and so kind? If their similar dispositions weren't enough reason, then the yellow mare's long-standing proclivity to imagine being with a partner whose age matched her own back when she first started to experiment sexually probably was. Reliving vicariously the discoveries of first times, the feeling of being so youthfully uninhibited, sharing the intense magical feelings of arousal and release to bring relief to a young filly who faced rejection and frustration with her peers (as she knew all too well) while at the same time fulfilling part of her biological need to be a mother, doing what came, perhaps more to her than most other mares, completely naturally—all of it tied together with over a decade of learned sexual dependency and her want for a relationship with a filly just like Sweetie Belle.
Fluttershy wasn't actually in a far away city with her foal, now. She lay in the dark of her chamber in the crystal palace, waiting to fall asleep. In her effort to forget what troubled her, Fluttershy had turned to the fantasy of the ivory filly with whom she'd been smitten since the day they were introduced. In this effort, now, she'd been derailed.
She thought again, instead, about Twilight.
A certain realization dawned on her that morning, the morning after Twilight returned from the world beyond a certain magical mirror. Fluttershy had been so used to how her relationship was between her and her closest friends. Even Twilight's coronation hadn't worried her too much. She merely expected she might see a little bit more or less of her friend, depending on how much her royal duties would require the assistance of one adept with animals or needed to make use of the element of kindness, but the way Twilight had blushed, talking about her otherworldly crush and the guard in their own world who reminded Twilight of him, had challenged Fluttershy's expectations.
The ever-kindhearted mare was happy for her friend, even felt a small thrill to know that Twilight could finally have found a prospect for love. At the very least, Twilight finally seemed ready to consider giving love a chance in her life, and Fluttershy's excitement for her had been evident as she and their other friends had pummeled her with questions. What Fluttershy hadn't been prepared for was how she felt about herself, seeing the friend she felt she shared so much in common with entering that stage of her life ahead of her.
Maybe “ahead of her” wasn't quite right. Fluttershy, after all, had had romantic feelings, perhaps longer than any of her other friends, but hers weren't ones that could be entertained lightly, if ever at all. Without her, was much more accurate, she thought. Twilight would actually be able, nay, encouraged by society to follow her heart. Fluttershy doubted that could ever happen for herself. If Twilight did pursue romance with her dream mate, she could live happily ever after, quite literally, like the princesses in fairy tales. If Fluttershy pursued her own romantic interests ... she shuddered to think.
Considering the consequences of having somepony she dreamed of, if anypony were to find out, or the consequences even if somepony were to discover that she was the type of pony who wanted to fiddle with foals, Fluttershy trembled, and, with a pained expression, tears began to roll down her petite muzzle.
Her fantasy lay before her, crushed. There would be no relief for her tonight, and she desperately wished she had Angel Bunny to cuddle up next to. Eventually, she drifted into an uneasy sleep.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 22 January 2015
I will probably write chapters more frequently if there is more interest.
Edit - 12/25/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and detailSetokaiva for the follow-up proofreading.
To readers who finished Chapter 5 before 28 January 2015,
This chapter and Chapter 6 were split during revision. This chapter contains nothing new to the story.
How could she begin to explain? Was now the time to tell the whole truth? What was the best course of action to take now with Sweetie Belle?
Being able to cry with Twilight helped significantly to relieve part of the stress. As Twilight lay next to her, wing still wrapped around her on the purple mare’s star patterned bed, she imagined how it could be if the young princess knew everything and still loved her as a best friend. Without being able to bring herself to actually confide in her friend, however, imagine was all that Fluttershy would do.
The distraught pegasus tried to calm herself. No matter how supportive Twilight was, Fluttershy didn’t want to burden her more than she felt necessary. She had already cried with her once earlier that day. If this kept up she might surpass Rarity as drama queen. Fluttershy feared rejection enough already without being considered overly emotional and reactionary. Beside, even though Twilight wasn’t the type to ever take her friends’ concerns lightly, thought Fluttershy, it wasn’t fair to expect so much of the already overburdened pony.
For better or worse, Fluttershy barricaded her pain once more and repressed the aching sorrow enough to enable her to speak. “I—” her breathing stuttered still. “I’m sorry to do this again, Twilight.”
Twilight wished her friend weren't sorry. “Don’t be. Please, Fluttershy—I’m here to help you.”
“I’m ... just so—ashamed.” Tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
“There’s no shame at all in relying on a friend.” Twilight’s conviction showed, even though her tone was soft.
That must be true, thought Fluttershy, but, “It’s—it’s not just that ... unfortunately.”
“Can you ... tell me what it is? ”
Fluttershy turned her head to face Twilight directly. From her baggy eyes to her slightly untidy mane, the pegasus looked pitiful. Fluttershy didn’t speak, but her eyes told a story—glimmered faintly. It looked to Twilight like the life in them was struggling to keep hold, like Fluttershy was fighting ... and losing against something.
Twilight swallowed back her own tears. Something had to be done, but, unless she could get Fluttershy to open up to her, there was nothing she could do short of watching the pegasus night and day to figure out what was the matter. By Celestia, she would do it, if necessary, but it would be better for Fluttershy, thought Twilight, if they could trust each other instead.
The purple mare deliberated, but only for a brief moment. The correct choice was obvious.
“There are sometimes some things that we don’t ever want anypony to know about ourselves, and, sometimes, that’s alright. ... There are other times, when trusting somepony, even though it’s hard, is the only way to make things better.” Fluttershy looked away and back nervously, fear contracting her pupils.
“Hold on a second, please.” Twilight Sparkle shut her eyes and focused, and, as she did, her horn pulsed with a familiar purple aura that glowed brighter until it reached a climactic flash. The room and everything in it except for the bed on which they lay suddenly appeared to be tinted purple. Looking carefully, from floor to ceiling, Fluttershy saw a layer of magic like the shield around Canterlot during Cadence’s wedding, enclosing the normally open loft.
Twilight’s horn lit once more, and suddenly the shield blurred, causing everything outside of it to lose significant detail. Though only a subtle change, all ambient noise ceased as well.
“Nothing we say can be heard outside of this shield, Fluttershy ...” the next part came with a bit of difficulty for the faithful student, “and I Pinkie promise ...” Twilight performed the ritual gestures then looked beneath her unshielded bed quickly and lowered her voice unnecessarily before continuing, “even if Princess Celestia were to ask me and you confessed right now to treason, to ponyslaughter, or to ... foal fiddling, I won't tell a soul without your permission.” Fluttershy wondered at Twilight’s last guess, but didn’t flinch. Her defenses in this single aspect of her life had been hardened with years of shame and fear.
The pegasus heaved a tired sigh. She couldn’t disbelieve Twilight. Fluttershy’s confidence in the mare had never before been broken, and never had she heard the purple pony be anything but reverent toward her mentor, yet now Twilight was as sincere as the yellow pony had ever seen her. It astonished her to hear such a commitment from one of the most loyal ponies she knew.
The yellow pony’s ache to be accepted nearly overwhelmed her as she recognized new hope. “Twilight”—the pegasus’s tone grew more tense with her body—“it’s more than just a secret. Could you—would you be willing to keep a secret if you knew, not just who I am right now, but who I want to become ... even if who I want to be is somepony most others will ... look down on or shun completely?”
Fluttershy felt herself grow ancient for a second, like she would wither to dust and be blown away. The feeling frightened her. In the back of her mind she knew she’d just as well turn to dust if she had to stay alone forever. If nopony would accept her, she must face the end of her hope to find love and innocence in the the foal she now ardently desired, or, though unlikely, she must find a new hope and rebuild herself to be somepony more acceptable, somepony less herself.
“What if ... the only way I believed you could help me more than you already do ... was if—” Fluttershy cut herself off, angry that she would even consider asking her friend to go so far. “N-no, Twilight. You already do so much for me—for all our friends. I ...” Again part of her fought to remain isolated, yet, as Fluttershy faced the loneliness, tears welled up. She hardened herself, holding them back with effort for her friend’s sake, but she remained torn. “I ... I want to tell you, but, please, I have to know before I can say exactly what my trouble is ... because, I know you’ll keep your word, and I can’t expect you to keep a secret that will hurt you without some way to ... vent. I can’t—” she fought back another wave of tears “—can’t poison you with my problems.” Fluttershy thought of the turmoil Twilight had gone through just to keep her hatred for modeling a secret. “What would you do, Twilight, if I had killed somepony? How would you deal with that?” Fluttershy’s eye’s pled to know she could rely on her friend.
Twilight thought quietly.
Minutes passed, and it seemed as though the magical mare was at a loss. As Fluttershy began to lose hope that there could be a way for her friend to bear the burden she asked, a powerful magic welled up and sparked within Twilight.
“Friendship. Friendship will find a way.” The adept unicorn paused to allow her conviction to sink in. “Even if our friends can’t know what’s happening, I believe that you wouldn’t do anything on purpose that would betray them ... even if you’d murdered somepony. And, well, even if you did betray our friends,” the thought brought tears to Twilight’s eyes, but she couldn’t rule out anything, “although I couldn’t betray them with you, I also would never betray you, and I would trust that, if I kept your secret, you’d let me rely on you for support. Your friendship,” Twilight concluded, “would be how I’d find the strength to press forward. I believe in you—in us—to lift each other up in the toughest of situations.”
After what felt like an eternity of suffering, hope burst through Fluttershy’s doubt. With her friend’s words, the barriers that Fluttershy had built and fortified for so long heaved and groaned and, finally, against all of her stifling fear, within the quiet calm and safety of Twilight’s purple shield, the fearful pegasus felt her inner walls collapse mightily.
“T-Twilight—” Fluttershy wept, and so much pain dissolved in tears that were no longer bitter, but grateful beyond any effort she could make to express. “Thank you—I can’t thank you enough——” The two embraced at length, and, though the pegasus's burden was already so much lighter, Fluttershy trembled still, thinking of what must come next. She held Twilight well after both had lost track of the time, as though it might be the last time she'd know her kind embrace, and Twilight reciprocated with warmth and patience to spare.
The insecure mare held her friend until she could no longer force herself to impose on the regal unicorn's tender sympathy, and, at last, she faced her fear head on with the promise of her closest friend to assure her that, whatever happened, she wouldn't have to be alone any more. Fluttershy sat back, shaking slightly still. She met Twilight's gaze with her own frightened eyes, inhaled, and ... squeaked incoherently.
“I'm ... sorry, Fluttershy. What was that?”
Shrinking back into her withers, Fluttershy took another breath, and, straining to force out the words, she managed in a voice so tiny that it needed no shield to hide it. “F-f-foal ... S-Suh-S-Sweetie.”
Twilight's expression momentarily betrayed her surprise. How could she have been right?! But as quickly as she reacted, her features became both more sympathetic and more anxious with understanding. “D-d'you mean that ... you and Sweetie Belle—” Twilight swallowed nervously. “Did you, uhm ... touch her?” Twilight ended the question in a half whisper.
The pegasus sniffled once. With what she thought would be the hardest part behind her, she hoped to feel a little better. Instead, she just felt lightheaded. “S-sort of. N-n-not really. ... Worse.”
“Can you ... tell me what happened?” Twilight's confusion shown through her worry a little.
Fluttershy breathed deep and sighed. She had been holding her breath without realizing, and the sudden intake of oxygen helped clear her head. “S-she—I ... told her I love her ... and that ... I wanted us to be together a-as very special someponies. ... I ... talked to her about ... about—” she swallowed her shame “—how I felt ... a-about s-sex, and, well ... we kissed, at first, a-and ...” Fluttershy felt a slight dizziness in addition to her anxiety, for which she closed her eyes and paused momentarily. Twilight only looked back at her friend with astonishment.
“I stopped things before they went any further than that, at first ... but Sweetie, uhm ... she ... at lunch she surprised me w-with another kiss, and I ... I didn't hold back as well that time. I still only k-kissed her, but then she and I agreed that we wanted to try m-m—more than just kissing. So, we went to the couch—” Fluttershy's breathing was extremely shallow “—but, then she changed her mind—” her breathing quickened “—except I fell asleep.” Her lower lip trembled. “I—I didn't feel her move, and then ... then she was curious, I guess. S-she—a-and then I ... let her—we ... we ...” Fluttershy trailed off, barely keeping herself from fainting at the stress of the incomplete confession.
Twilight took a calming breath. “Alright. We can get through the details on that last part in a bit, but, first, is Sweetie alright? How did you leave her?”
Fluttershy took a much needed deep breath and released a shuddering sigh. “She needs somepony to talk to. S-she probably doesn’t want anypony except you to know after the conversation we had about ... other ponies not approving. She—I—” she stammered. “She was crying, and then I almost ... I ... alm—” The pegasus’s eyes grew distant, and she didn’t finish.
Fluttershy’s odd reaction didn’t bode well, and Twilight now felt panic rising up. “You almost what?” Her tone was more urgent now.
“I ... almost ... raped her.”
Nothing could have prepared Twilight for this revelation. She clung to the word “almost” like a life preserver. She had no time to come to terms with the fact that one of her closest friends, least likely of any pony she knew, struggled with predatory instincts of that nature. Now she had multiple fires to put out. Her ability to prioritize kicked in.
Fluttershy came back to her senses somewhat, and, through the growing pain in her stomach, she watched Twilight process what she’d told her. The look of disgust and, most prominently, betrayal were hot knives to Fluttershy’s already ragged insides. She forced herself to dwell on the agony they induced and believed she deserved far worse.
Twilight’s tone was soft and almost monotone, deep disappointment audible, twisting the blades. “S—” Twilight sighed involuntarily at the feeling of being so let down by her friend and lowered her gaze from Fluttershy’s despondent expression. “Stay here, please, Fluttershy. I’m going to check on her n—”
An abrupt humming noise like a rubber band guitar interrupted Twilight. The two turned their attention to its source to see a small blurred form where the staircase would be if it weren’t shrouded by the shield. A small white hoof knocked urgently, producing further vibration, and Twilight rose to greet the would-be intruder. As Twilight set hoof on the magically shielded floor of her bedroom loft, however, something quite unexpected happened.
From the other side, a small white unicorn reared up, pressed her hooves against the shield, and, with a surge of magic, quite unanticipated, she let herself into the protected space. Sweetie Belle tumbled forward with a squeaked, “Woah!” Looking around, she saw the two mares she’d hoped to find, Twilight, gaping, and Fluttershy, as she’d feared, looking much worse for wear on the night-patterned bed next to her astonished friend. The little filly regained her hoofing and galloped, panting, to the bed.
“Fluttershy!” She attempted to catch her breath briefly. “Oh, Fluttershy, I’m so sorry!” Her words came out in a rush, fearing that it might be too late. “Twilight, please don’t do anything rash! Fluttershy didn’t do anything, and I really love her, and even though I’m much younger I can handle being together with her, and I know it’s been less than a day since we became very special someponies, but I really want to marry her and you’re the only one who can help us. Oh, please help us, and don’t make us stay apart, Princess Twilight. Please!” Fortunately, the filly’s pleas were heard only by the three ponies present, the shield having closed itself back up immediately after she entered.
“Wh—How?!” Was all Twilight managed to say until she shook her head to clear her mind. “Never mind how you got past the barrier. Sweetie, are you alright? Fluttershy told me—she said you might need help and I was just about to—”
“I’m fine, really!” Sweetie Belle answered, but she had already turned back to address Fluttershy.
The pegasus looked down at Sweetie Belle with large glistening eyes. “Sweetie Belle, I—” any apology she felt she could offer seemed woefully inadequate. To even speak the words, I'm sorry, too soon seemed like an affront. “You don’t have to be sorry. I started everything, after all.” Fluttershy glanced between Twilight and the pony she desired. Twilight looked on, perplexed by the little filly next to her.
“That’s not true, though! If you want me as your special somepony, Fluttershy,” Sweetie mustered her courage, “I deserve equal responsibility. I”—her voice trembled—“may not have as much experience and ... I’m not saying I wasn’t ... really scared earlier,” the little unicorn sniffled, “but I did something I knew was wrong b-because ... I didn’t want to wait until we were ready. ... Please, Fluttershy, accept my apology and say you’ll still be my very special somepony.”
Though obviously self-conscious in front of the lavender third party, Sweetie seemed to be coping much better than Fluttershy at the moment. Still, the kindhearted pony wouldn’t forgive herself. Regardless of her own guilt, the yellow mare was both awestruck and relieved to hear Sweetie speak wisely beyond her years. With a sigh, the emotionally worn pegasus conceded.
“O-of course, Sweetie.” Fluttershy smiled and nodded at Sweetie Belle. “You’re right, and I do forgive you, and I hope that ... if you can, you’ll also forgive me? The way I acted is inexcusable, and—” Fluttershy’s eyes watered “—I’m doing what I can to get help to control myself so that will never happen again.” Fluttershy looked at Twilight then back at Sweetie.
The little filly would have leapt onto the bed to hug Fluttershy except for present company. Instead, she made do by returning her smile and nodding vigorously. As she’d watched, Twilight’s initial anxiety transformed to minor relief followed by increasing incredulity, constantly mixed with an underlying deep concern.
“Twilight?” Fluttershy focused at last on their silent audience. There was no point holding back any more, and Sweetie Belle deserved an answer to her questions. Fluttershy echoed the angel foal’s previous request. “It’s ... so much to ask of you, I know ... and you’re already handling so much, but ... c-can you help us? Would you be willing to believe that such a ... different couple can make it and be happy together,” Fluttershy sighed again, “even with a pony as ... as muffined-up as me?”
Things had shifted from disquieting to surreal for the purple librarian in the short minute that she’d watched the mare and foal make amends. “I ...” The pony paused much longer than either Fluttershy or Sweetie Belle felt comfortable waiting. “I honestly don’t—how ... how can I justify it? What would her parents—what would Rarity say?!” Twilight spazzed out just a little before regaining her calm and trying to keep her tone gentle with the two. “It was one thing knowing you were ... involved, but to—to tolerate and even support it? Am I understanding you correctly?!”
Fluttershy nodded fearfully, and Twilight began pacing and pondering all the implications. What Fluttershy had said about keeping the secret of who she wanted to become started to make more sense. Sweetie Belle and Fluttershy each turned their focus to each other, exchanging looks of deep concern. Finally, unwilling to stay separate from Fluttershy any longer, Sweetie Belle intruded upon the bed to lay next to her. Twilight’s attention was drawn to the movement, and she watched as the two made contact. Her stomach turned and her first instinct was to separate them. The perturbed expression she wore as she glared reflexively at the two getting friendly on her bed caused both onlookers to fold their ears back anxiously. Secretly, Fluttershy was glad that Sweetie dared to cross the line that she couldn't, regardless of the agitation it caused Twilight, and she slid her tail very discreetly next to Sweetie Belle's. The contact was deeply soothing to the mare and reassuring to Sweetie. Twilight shut her eyes tightly and reigned back her displeasure with an exasperated sigh before resuming her pacing.
After watching their friend pace for half a minute, Fluttershy's thoughts turned to the foal beside her, showing increasing signs of panic as she thought of what Twilight’s current reaction meant for their immediate and extended future. “Twilight?” Fluttershy dared to interrupt her. “You'll still keep our secret like ... like you promised, won't you?”
Both she and Twilight knew the answer. Twilight met Fluttershy's gaze which then shifted to Sweetie Belle, and Twilight, too, looked at the foal, understanding. Despite her fears, Twilight couldn't stay mad at either of them. She exhaled the anger and betrayal she felt. “Your secret is completely safe with me.” Twilight smiled, but the bags forming underneath her eyes clearly indicated that this was no light task. Sweetie thanked her emphatically, and the following minutes ticked by with Twilight’s continued pacing until, finally, she arrived at a temporary solution.
“Alright. ... Fluttershy, you want my help to control your ... urges. Sweetie Belle needs some serious education, and both of you—” Twilight tensed, holding back any judgment she felt to keep her tone neutral as she finished the sentence “—want my help to ... be together. Does that seem r—accurate to both of you?”
Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle nodded. Before either of them could ask how, Twilight approached them, her expression changing from neutral concern to distress.
“I'll do everything I can to help with the first two, but, for the last one ... I need some time to think and do research, and ... can I please rely on you—” Twilight looked meaningfully at Fluttershy “—both of you,” her gaze turned to Sweetie, “to ... spend some time apart while I wrap my head around all of this?”
Sweetie watched to see Fluttershy nod immediately. “O-okay Twilight, but ... for how long?” Sweetie's eye's pled, and Twilight melted a little inside.
“Just until I know how ... or whether it's even possible that we can go about this, um ... safely.”
Sweetie looked confused. "Safely? You mean without other ponies knowing?"
"Well, partly, maybe. ... You see Sweetie," Twilight felt out of her element, despite being admittedly well-read, "there's a reason that what you and Fluttershy did—want to do," she cringed to think about it, "is taboo." Sweetie listened intently. "Usually, well, when a grown-up admits to being with or gets caught with a foal ... d-doing the kind of thing that the two of you have done—though I don't know yet exactly what happened between you—it can leave a young pony confused about healthy boundaries. And when you don’t have healthy boundaries, well, it means you can either be taken advantage of, or you may wind up feeling like ... like you can’t trust anypony, or sometimes both. In any case, friendship becomes more difficult. The relationships that keep us strong and happy, even family bonds, risk being damaged.” Twilight paused to let the lengthy answer sink in. “I’d like to make sure I’m clear so that we’ll be on the same page. Is there anything you’d like me to explain?”
Sweetie concentrated hard on her next question while Fluttershy looked a little confused next to her. “I don’t really understand why having a very special somepony when I’m little can make having other friends hard, and I thought ‘boundary’ meant a line between two areas. ... I get why staying out of each other’s space is important, but why did you say ‘healthy boundaries’ and why would they be ... confusing?”
Twilight forgot to feel anxious for a split second, impressed. “Those are very good questions! You must do well in class,” Twilight praised.
Sweetie was flattered. A small smile appeared on her mouth in spite of the situation. Now that Twilight had calmed down it seemed to Sweetie that Fluttershy had done the right thing in trusting her to help.
“There are different kinds of boundaries,” Twilight explained. “Beside the usual ones we use to mark out the space around us, there are social boundaries for how we act with one another that help us to trust or not trust other ponies. For example,” Twilight pointed with a hoof at a star on her bed. “Let’s say this is you. Without any social boundaries anypony can come right up to you and say hello, shake your hoof, or ask you how your day is going. This is good, really, most of the time, right?”
Twilight checked to see that Sweetie was with her, and saw that both she and Fluttershy seemed to be intrigued as they nodded.
“Well, what if somepony, say, somepony you really don’t know, came up to you and wanted to kiss you? Without any boundaries you’d have nothing to say no and stop it from happening. Most ponies, however,” Twilight created a small magical bubble around the star, “will say no because they feel that kissing is something too special to do with a stranger. Does that sound right to you?”
Twilight waited for both ponies to nod. “Good. That’s an example of a healthy boundary—saying no to somepony you don’t know who wants to kiss you because you want to save it for somepony special, that is—but what if you didn’t know any better, and you’d been taught that kissing anypony is okay?” The bubble disappeared.
“It wouldn’t be special any more,” Sweetie chimed in.
“That’s correct! Also, your friends and family would worry about who you’ve been kissing, and, if you have a special somepony, maybe they’d feel less special, like you don’t care about them as much. Without any boundaries at all, what if a crazy pony came up to you and asked to kiss you, but they ended up biting you?”
“I see what you mean now,” Sweetie responded.
Twilight nodded encouragingly. “On the other hoof, let’s say that somepony you trusted comes to your boundary and asks to kiss you. You can open up and let that pony into your boundary if you trust them to treat the kiss as special as you do, but if either of you then chooses to kiss another pony, it can hurt the other's trust, except in special circumstances like family, maybe,” she amended.
Twilight waited for her friends to process. When both returned her eye contact, she continued.
“If your trust is hurt very badly by somepony, then, if you don't know any better, you may feel like your kisses aren't special any more because you gave away your kiss to somepony who didn't respect you in the end.” Twilight's illustrative bubble faded and flickered. “Or you may decide that nopony at all is worth trusting and be lonely.” Twilight's weak translucent bubble suddenly turned solid and opaque before vanishing.
“Because you're very young, Sweetie, you may not know any better. Even if I were to try and teach you now about the consequences of being in a-a ... sexual relationship, what you learn from me or Fluttershy might not be enough to impress ... just how super special it is, because that kind of understanding only comes with years of experience to ponies who've grown up with and learned healthy boundaries. Without any way to know whether a foal is ready for sex, except that they reach—they become older, the ponies who know better and care about you will almost definitely become upset if they find out somepony has crossed that boundary with you.”
Sweetie Belle understood now, but she didn't like it. Again she was being labeled for her age. That in itself wasn't so bad, she thought, except that this time it felt especially unfair, keeping her from being with Fluttershy.
Twilight and Fluttershy both watched the foal's change in demeanor as she fought to accept that this was just how things were. The small unicorn sighed.
“I agree to keep my distance from Fluttershy until you feel it's safe, because I trust Fluttershy, but, Princess Twilight,” she thought she should use the title out of respect in light of what she was about to say, “I think ... even if other foals are like you said ... and, maybe, even if I'm like that too, it still feels wrong to be separated from my very special somepony.”
Twilight sighed, feeling sorry for the little unicorn, and Fluttershy dared, with a pained expression, to finally extend her wing to comfort her very young, very special somepony. Twilight felt no will to object to the tender act. “For what it's worth, Sweetie, it feels bad to me too right now, but I care too much about both of you to run the risk, and ... I promise you both, Sweetie, Fluttershy, I'll make my research as quick as possible.”
Fluttershy's gears had been turning. “Twilight,” the soft pegasus spoke, “maybe ... could Sweetie and I both come in together in a few days when you're here, just to read and talk together maybe? Or,” she added quickly, “i-if you're worried that might still not be safe for us, maybe something ... something else?”
Both unicorns brightened at this idea. “That's a great idea, Fluttershy.” the winged unicorn agreed. “In fact, you two should come in as often as possible ... when I'm here, of course. You can help me research, and I can give both of you some appropriate books on the subject to read and, when there's time, to discuss!”
It didn't sound like cuddle time by any means, but the new couple wasn't picky. Their smiles made it clear that they accepted the compromise.
Mid-afternoon passed into late afternoon as Twilight set temporary boundaries for their future visits, and, amid much embarrassed stammering and blushing from all three of them, the studious purple mare collected the finer details of the day's events and their history together prior from both ponies. As Fluttershy began to describe what led her to nearly lose control of herself back at the cottage, Twilight stopped her and thanked her.
“We'll get more into that at a later time,” when Sweetie wasn't around, Fluttershy inferred, and she was grateful for that. “It sounds like you were really in deep, though. What made you stop and come here, Fluttershy?”
“An-Angel.” Fluttershy stammered.
“Sorry. Did you say ... an angel? ” Twilight looked confused.
“Oh s-sorry! I meant Angel Bunny.”
“Oh of course!” Twilight chuckled briefly.
“I think he really was an angel,” Sweetie added softly. The memory produced an aching sensation in her head and stomach. Fluttershy, watching the filly, shivered and wept.
“I'm so sorry, Sweetie,” Fluttershy sniffled and held back her sobs.
Sweetie Belle nuzzled her fillyfriend's shoulder. “I'm okay now, Fluttershy, and it wasn't really your fault, anyway.”
Fluttershy shook her head.
“Equal responsibility, remember? Though I think it's less blame than I deserve.” The kind mare nuzzled the filly in return.
Twilight was pained to see her friends admit their shame, but she felt it important for their sakes to finish the accounting of what happened. “What was going through your mind before it stopped, Sweetie Belle?”
The filly winced at the memory. “I ... was scared. I thought, maybe ... I lost Fluttershy as my friend, and then when I felt her hoof moving toward my ... my spot, I,” Sweetie shuddered and closed her eyes. Several seconds passed and the filly struggled, reliving the terror.
“You were scared, and Fluttershy had changed,” Twilight repeated, “and she was touching you or about to touch you? Could you move away?”
“I don't—m-maybe, but ... I couldn't stop looking at her stare,” the filly breathed shallow and tense, “a-and then she was over me.”
Twilight nodded, her expression clearly agonized, but Sweetie was too wrapped up in the memory to notice. The princess pushed a little more. “What were you thinking when you noticed her hoof moving?”
Sweetie took a shuddering breath. “I ... I thought,” she looked up at Fluttershy with all she felt plain on her face, “you wanted to hurt me there because of what I did.”
Through her tears, Fluttershy denied it. “No! No, I couldn't do it! I—” Fluttershy's breathing was nearly panicked “—I wouldn't—I ...” she struggled to clam herself, “I mean, I—I wanted t-to make you feel ... what I f-felt, and ... what I'd felt was ... good, b-but ... but I wasn't in my right mind. Oh, Sweetie! I should never have even thought about forcing you—a-about touching y-you without your permission!”
“B-but ... your stare? Fluttershy,” Sweetie Belle looked down and back up at her friend as she considered looking for answers that she knew would only cause her more pain. “I-it was my fault,” Sweetie finished sadly.
“I'll find a way to make it up to you. I'll—I'll explain why I acted that way as soon as I can, but ... Sweetie, I'm sorry. I can't right now. I don’t really know how. It’s ... complicated.” Fluttershy’s eyes were apologetic. The two nuzzled each other once more.
“I'm alright. Please, Fluttershy, I don't want to see you sad.” Fluttershy stopped her tears at the filly's request and smiled halfheartedly, but she couldn't hide the pain in her eyes.
“Thank you both for telling me.” Twilight was moved by the exchange. “It means a lot that you trust me, and I think you're both very strong to face what happened.” Twilight cleared her throat of emotion before moving on. “So Angel interceded.” Twilight paused and wondered at her subconscious's choice of wording. “What did you do then, Fluttershy?”
The pegasus sniffled. “I, well ... I used the ... stare on him as well, but, thankfully, Angel wore a blindfold, a-and he blocked m-me from ... from Sweetie Belle.” Fluttershy still didn't want to believe she was culpable. Though it caused her great distress, she hid her emotion as best she could for Sweetie's sake. “I realized I was making a terrible mistake and ran to the door ... and I told Sweetie she could go when she wanted before I flew here,” Fluttershy finished.
Twilight nodded. “Sweetie, what happened after Fluttershy left? How did you know Fluttershy was here?”
“Well, I looked around the cottage and at the edge of the forest, but then I remembered Fluttershy talked about how you might be able to help us. ... At first, right after Fluttershy left, Angel stayed nearby for a little, and I stopped crying, a-and then he disappeared for a minute, and he came back and gave me a ... a posy with daffodils and ... pink tulips.” Sweetie looked distant and trailed off a little at the end before blinking away whatever distracted her and refocusing. “I don’t know if he meant it that way, but it made me realize that I should go ... find the pony I love.” Sweetie turned her gaze toward Fluttershy who, even with bags under her eyes, visibly blushed at the confession.
“I love you too, Sweetie.” She choked a little at the end, and the sudden warmth dispelled much of the shame she’d felt from recounting what happened. Fluttershy secured her wing more tightly around the Elysian foal and was suddenly extremely grateful that they would be able to spend time safely together while Twilight tried to find a way to help them. Not seeing each other while their relationship was still newborn really would have been unbearable.
With that, Twilight decided to bring their session to its conclusion. There was still a lot to discuss, even without having started her research, but she thought it best not to overdo it. Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle gratefully accepted the invitation to stay longer and begin reading what Twilight assigned them.
Fluttershy’s focus on As a Mare Thinketh was broken often as she peeked at Sweetie who stared, red-faced, at the pages of A Filly’s Guide to Herself . The yellow pony imagined what the filly could be reading and what she might be thinking.
When evening came, Spike provided the group with dinner, shortly after which Fluttershy had to return home for the remainder of her work before it grew dark. Sweetie remained a bit longer, finishing her book, and asked Twilight a few questions in private.
Her reading had described how the penis enters the vagina, but, being a book for fillies, it left out parts about how colt anatomy worked. She was particularly curious about how the male member managed and maintained its rigidity. Overall the book was very thorough, and, whether it had been Twilight’s intention or not, Sweetie Belle felt much better prepared for when she and Fluttershy would be ready as a couple—she continued to hope it would be soon. Twilight’s answers to her questions were satisfactory if a bit over-technical.
When Sweetie returned to her sister’s boutique (her second home for all intents and purposes), she recounted what the three ponies at the library had rehearsed regarding the day’s activities. “Fluttershy taught me a lot about plants and flowers.” Rarity thought little of it, but she thought she saw the filly blush a little.
Her story included as much of the truth as possible while leaving out anything that would raise suspicion. The tricky part had been Twilight’s excuse to ditch flight training with Rainbow and Scootaloo. They’d settled on Fluttershy needing urgent help to research a cure for Bucky the goat’s sudden illness, the details of which Twilight left to Fluttershy to fabricate.
The day had ended well for all its bumps and turns. ...
That night, Sweetie Belle lay in bed once again, thinking about everything that had happened and might happen. She had actively resisted the urge to explore her filly parts, despite the intensely pleasant sensation she remembered from earlier. Something told her that what Fluttershy had said about sexual feelings changing a pony was true, and she didn’t want to risk complicating things further.
Her thoughts lingered at last on Fluttershy’s mental break, what it meant, and how she felt responsible until, finally, she drifted into an uneasy sleep.
Upon arrival at her cottage, Fluttershy had given Angel Bunny extra special treatment, which he accepted warmly and without hesitation. With all her chores finished, the exhausted mare finished her day tucked in bed with the book she’d taken home lying open where it had fallen next to her, and she, too, finally drifted to sleep.
Meanwhile, in Golden Oaks Library, Twilight’s night had only begun.
Author's Note
Last revision published: 28 January 2015
Original Note for chapters 5 & 6 combined:
I might take 2 extra weeks (about a month total) before I post the next chapter if I decide to participate in the foalcon group's crackship writing contest. We'll see right?
In the mean time, if you wouldn't mind, please let me know how you think (if you think) my writing has improved and if any problems have persisted through the latest chapter.
As always, thanks for reading and commenting folks!
Edit - 12/31/14 : Revised for punctuation, flow, and voice.
To readers who finished the former Chapter 10 before 2 February 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised second part of the old Chapter 10 (now chapters 13 and 14). It is not new to the story.
Their hearts raced, and the coat of their faces gleamed with perspiration within the shimmering, pink, sun-warmed curtain of Fluttershy's mane. It had gotten steadily warmer where they sunbathed, becoming hot without shade, but they'd been far too preoccupied to notice any discomfort. Instead, the extra heat felt good, as if it had melted them together. Their lips and tongues entwined, and the taste of sweat mixed subtly with their saliva, bringing new excitement and temptation to kiss elsewhere, which they did, unashamed, at least until they strayed too far for their chaperone's comfort.
Each now long felt swollen with desire. The constant pull of arousal without release drove them wild with passion and would have pushed them far past the edge of control had it not been for their direct supervision. For Fluttershy, who knew well what release meant, it was almost painful to hold back. For Sweetie Belle, who'd never known such intensity, it felt bewildering in spite of everything she'd read and what little she'd previously experienced. For both, however, the thought of stopping was far worse than enduring the continued tension of her arousal.
With each kiss, Fluttershy imagined their bodies cleaving to one another, enmeshed, sliding, and penetrating. Sweetie ached to do as she'd once done, to suckle at her mentor's juice and rosy nub, and, for the first time, to feel her do the same for her. She longed for Fluttershy's unique intimate smell and taste. Even the strange texture hidden between her fillyfriend’s labia now was exotically appealing in retrospect. Most of all, the thought of having the same honor, of Fluttershy’s mouth between her nethers, drove the little unicorn to fevered bursts that explained why sometimes her lips strayed to parts beyond the pegasus’s mouth.
In her own fiery eagerness, Fluttershy couldn't help but pioneer new ways to experience the foal's cheeks, lips, and tongue, and, on occasion, to explore her teeth and gums. The newness of each sensation and the unprecedented passion with which the pegasus steadily began to throw herself into each lengthened kiss surprised the foal. Her mentor’s tenderness comforted her in spite of the oddness of some of the licking, nibbling, and oral caressing beset her, and Sweetie Belle welcomed the adventurous pegasus, sometimes with a playful giggle, other times with ears flattened in momentary uncertainty, and still others with her own slightly clumsy but eager attempt at imitation.
So they learned together what best suited them, dwelling longer on some than others, and, between each expedition, returning home to the familiar feeling of the other’s soft lips and wet hot tongue pressed firmly against their own with muffled, mutually euphoric moans.
If only Twilight weren’t watching ... The thought struck Fluttershy more often than she would have liked. Rather than pull back, attempt to rein in her passion, her body urged her. A little more won’t hurt ... It feels so good.
Kiss after kiss, taste after taste, the heated mare made every effort to ignore her conscience, yet, gradually, thoughts it couldn’t bear began to enter her mind. What began as fleeting moments of irritation at the boundaries imposed by their chaperone turned to desperation and a will to rebel. What started as brief fantasies of leading Sweetie away secretly grew steadily and, to the pegasus’s horror, turned into plans that would betray their friend’s trust after everything the kindhearted princess had done for them. Finally, suddenly, the lust-addled mare awoke to her reality, and, trembling subtly, she paused, and their kiss broke.
She saw that she’d not only been taking advantage of a foal for her own gratification, but forcing her closest friend to watch, fret, and hold boundaries which Fluttershy herself should have done. Selfishly, she’d asked Twilight Sparkle to bear the burden of her own lust. That the purple pony still hadn’t stopped them completely now struck Fluttershy with awe. If at all, normal ponies barely stomached second and third hand accounts of what Fluttershy was guilty. How she’d managed to overcome her gut reaction for so long baffled Fluttershy.
To Sweetie, it was all a dream. Here, she felt safe in the company of ponies who cared for her more than she believed any other had ever cared for her. Why Fluttershy hadn’t continued again to kiss her yet was a mystery that caused the little filly to slowly drift down from cloud nine. The little white unicorn reached up, eager for more of the other’s lips, only for the pegasus to withdraw subtly beyond the foal’s reach.
Fluttershy thought.
What about this could ever work? Her answer was bleak.
How have I been so delusional? She saw no excuse.
The voice inside Fluttershy became steadily louder, impossible to ignore.
What was Twilight thinking, allowing this?
She thought she knew the answer; she must have been coercing the loyal friend with the appearance of vulnerability, forcing this abomination to continue protected under the pretense that it could be healthy. Now, Fluttershy thought, ‘healthy’ was the last word she’d use to describe the desecration of the dear foal before her. Fluttershy’s stomach twisted horribly at the thought, and she prepared herself to withdraw altogether. Sensing what she was about to do, however, her body fought back enough to give her pause.
!!! The flood of hormones screamed at her to kiss the foal.
If that were all her conscience had to fight, it would have won easily. No pleasure was worth what she was doing.
Seconds that felt more like minutes passed in silence, and Sweetie Belle watched the unexpected play of emotions across her love’s face, wondering silently at what could possibly be going through the mare’s mind.
Fluttershy’s focus finally returned to the filly waiting in front of her. At the sight of Sweetie’s emerald eyes, tears began to leak from the gentle mare’s own. Before Sweetie could ask what the matter was, however, Fluttershy leaned back in and kissed her again tenderly, almost apologetically.
It was wrong. Fluttershy felt it.
Though she’d reveled in the fulfillment of her fantasies the past few hours, she’d known sooner or later she’d have to face reality. Being close to Sweetie should never have led to this, she thought. It wasn’t what a foal needs. What a foal needs—Fluttershy knew better than most at heart—is real love from a mentor, not the lust drenched monster she’d become ... and yet Fluttershy kissed the foal again, deeply, so that Sweetie Belle was surprised a bit by the pegasus’s sudden vigor. Rather than own the sin and face the wholesome painful path toward change, Fluttershy tried desperately, for the thousandth time, to forget what she knew about right and wrong.
Weakly, she invited the old embittering lie into her heart that told her with each subsequent kiss and trembling micro-orgasm, that, whether by Twilight or Sweetie or her own mother, she could never really be loved, that only pleasure existed to comfort her. The greatest pleasure, therefore, must be the only true Love.
Fluttershy had known better from the day she found truth by the healing words of her friends in the faith, yet part of her still remained unconverted, and the bitter-sweet lie had led the shamed pony, bit by bit, over the years, with the learned promise of physical gratification, to this point. Vainly, she’d believed the promise it whispered subtly to her, that she could ignore the aching in her heart indefinitely. Even as she ran from it now, the ache—the truth (and all it both promised and threatened), was catching up with her.
If she hadn’t made so many past mistakes, maybe she wouldn’t have feared so intensely to face what hid behind her lust. Now, if she let herself believe she was wrong, that the pleasure she felt at using and abusing her friends could only end in sorrow—as impure and damaged as Fluttershy was already—oh, how deep that sorrow would become, and the isolated pony would surely be met with the return of so much indescribable, crushing loneliness. Losing faith, Fluttershy attempted to numb her soul a little longer, to shun reality, but, though she continued to kiss Sweetie Belle, she failed now to fully ignore the pain that came with this particular pleasure.
“Sweetheart.” Fluttershy stopped and wiped away her unexplained tears after another especially passionate kiss.
Before she could say another thing, Sweetie kissed her quickly one last time and smiled. Fluttershy blinked and smiled back, full of tenderness and pain.
“Yes?” Sweetie answered, expecting an explanation for the sudden shift in her fillyfriend’s behavior.
“I think it's almost time for us to go.” She'd noticed the animals' behavior, as well as the shadows, begin to shift in ways that queued her to the beginnings of late afternoon, but, beyond that, Fluttershy felt she ought to quit now, before the guilt she felt became any worse.
“Oh.” Sweetie frowned a little, disappointed to be left in the dark. She didn’t question it however, distracted by the notice of their date’s end. Suddenly, Sweetie brightened again. “You said ‘almost,’ so there should be enough time for one last thing!”
“Oh? W-what last thing?” Fluttershy couldn't help but be curious in spite of her inner conflict. She watched the foal pull out a rolled bit of parchment.
“I ... kind of ... wrote a song for you.” The little unicorn blushed, needlessly embarrassed, and Fluttershy couldn't help but blush back before avoidantly turning her gaze.
“Oh! Sweetie ...” Fluttershy tried looking at the filly from the corner of her eye, but it didn't help keep the butterflies from returning. She didn't deserve to feel butterflies, she told herself, not after how she'd been acting. Still, she couldn't avoid eye contact, at least not now. The pegasus resigned herself to looking into Sweetie’s jewel eyes and quietly attempted to shoo the butterflies away as best she could. It was a losing battle. “That's ... just wonderful!” The mare settled with the reaction she thought might make Sweetie happiest. It was the least she could do, even though a song was the last thing she felt she deserved just then.
The little filly was satisfied, and, smiling, she continued. “I only wrote it this morning, so it's, um ... not quite finished.” Her ears flattened nervously for a moment. Encouraged by the pegasus's adoring smile, Sweetie cleared her throat, her fair voice hummed in search of the right key, and Fluttershy sat listening. A simple familiar melody rang from the foal, though the words were different from what Fluttershy knew as the original lyrics. As if by magic, the mare's shame quickly vanished, the sound of the filly's voice entrancing her.
My sunshine pony, my garden posy,
You make my heart light, and full of joy.
Your love brings peace mid the fearful tempest.
Let not chill winds my posy destroy.
Your loving kindness dispels the blindness
When pain and sorrow cloud my soul.
I never knew, Dear, how much I need you.
In your warm arms my spirit is whole.
The song of my heart, a sincere offer,
And prayer you'll be forever mine.
Through ice and fire, please raise me higher,
And our love become passion divine.
My sunshine pony, my garden posy,
You make my heart light, and full of joy.
Your love brings peace mid the fearful tempest.
Let not chill winds my posy destroy.
Sweetie Belle fell silent, and the blush on her cheeks deepened. Despite having sung well by her standards, the filly still fretted a little. Maybe the lyrics were too corny, and, with it being something she threw together almost on a whim, the tune had ended up being unoriginal. It felt right and sounded good to her, but she worried the same.
Fluttershy's eye's sparkled and looked far off as the song finished. It was a moment before she brought herself back to the present and finally responded. “That was just ... so lovely, Sweetheart!” Fluttershy reached forward to draw her into a heartfelt embrace. “Thank you.” Fluttershy pecked the little unicorn's forehead, cheek, and snout, then squeezed the little filly again lovingly. Sweetie grinned back with a wide toothy smile, relieved and elated at how well it had gone over.
“I'm really glad you liked it.” Sweetie paused. “I, um ... thanks,” she finished with a nervous laugh, blushing modestly. “Y-you're not just saying that?” Despite the pegasus's reaction and the fact that Sweetie rarely had any complaints for her singing, she clung to some uncertainty.
“I'm not. I promise!” The pegasus was emphatic. “You sing more beautifully than any of my birds—oh—but don't tell them I said so, if you don't mind.”
The filly giggled. “Sure thing.”
A moment of silence passed between them, during which Fluttershy’s smile faded a little.
“You know, my mother used to sing me that tune,” Fluttershy said, “before bed every night.”
Sweetie's beaming smile persisted. “Me too!” Sweetie squeaked, “I mean, sort of. ... It’s one of the first songs I learned. We didn’t sing it every night, but we sang it often.”
Fluttershy was glad to hear they had as much in common. “I’d love it if ... um—” Fluttershy hesitated uncertainly “—I mean, how would you feel if we ... chose a song to be ours?” She decided not to suggest what she was thinking in case Sweetie had her own idea for a song.
Sweetie placed a hoof to her chin. “I've thought about it ever since I talked with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo about it, but ... I don't really have anything in mind ... well,” Sweetie paused. Fluttershy waited, and, when the foal hesitated still, she prompted her to go on. “I just ... guess the idea is a little strange. I was thinking, You Are My Sunshine actually, um ... fits really well, when I think about you.”
Fluttershy nodded, pleased with the suggestion. “Yes, I think it fits for you too,” Fluttershy looked sentimental for a moment. “Actually, um ... I think it’s wonderful you suggested it because—did you know that certain flowers hold different meanings?”
The connection between their song and flowers was lost on Sweetie Belle, but she answered the enthusiastic instructive tone of her mentor expectantly. “Uh-uh, I mean, except red roses mean romance, I guess, right?” Sweetie leaned curiously toward Fluttershy who confirmed with a nod.
“Well,” Fluttershy's smile grew again, “You see, orange flowers, especially vibrant circular ones like the Gerberas daisy you have,” Fluttershy nodded to the remnant of Sweetie's bouquet, and the filly's head turned to rest her gaze on the bright round orange flower next to her geraniums, “mean warmth, happiness, and joy. When you give them to another pony, you're telling that pony that they're your sunshine, or that you want to be theirs. I, um ... thought it was appropriate to give you since you always brighten up my day.” It was Fluttershy's turn to blush a little at her own mushy sentiment.
Sweetie was wide-eyed. “Really? Then we have to make it our song! I mean,” Sweetie amended, “if you don't think that it's, um ... too childish,” the filly recalled her earlier concern about the strangeness of the suggestion.
“W-well ... I don't mind, if you don't mind. I mean,” Fluttershy had to fight not to hide her sentiment behind lukewarm consent, “I, um ... sometimes wish you were my foal.” Fluttershy finished timidly, anxious about what the filly might think of that fact.
It took a moment before the comment sunk in. Sweetie Belle thought about what it meant to have just passed the afternoon, passionately kissing a pony who wished to be her mother, and a disgusted look crossed her face briefly. When Sweetie had said she thought her choice of song was strange, she'd thought being childish was a drawback, not an advantage. Fluttershy was different, after all, the filly remembered, not averse to her immaturity as Rarity seemed to be sometimes. Unsure how to respond, Sweetie decided it was best to agree, trusting the older pony.
“I ... guess I don't mind,” as long as Fluttershy still treated her like a special somepony and didn’t forget about her like her own mother seemed to sometimes.
“Oh ... I'm glad.” Fluttershy looked slightly abashed. The foal's uncertainty didn't escape her, but the pegasus hoped anyway for this fantasy to come to fruition as well. “I guess I was worried you'd think that was strange too,” she admitted, but decided not to dwell on it. “Um,” Fluttershy's front hoof brushed lightly over the picnic blanket. “I was actually going to suggest we make our song the version you wrote for me, instead of You Are My Sunshine. Yours feels a lot like the original, only I like it more because you wrote it, but, um,” the yellow pony added, “I still really like the original, and we can make it our song instead, if you'd rather—”
“No, no,” Sweetie interjected. “That's a great idea, actually! I don’t know why I didn’t think about writing our very own song.” Sweetie became more enthusiastic, “We can add verses and change it however we like ... or make the original a part of our version!”
“I see no reason not to. That sounds wonderful, Sweetheart!” the pegasus smiled adoringly, watching the petite pony ponder the possibilities.
“So, it's official then! We have a song.” Excitement filled her eyes. “I can't wait to tell the girls!” Sweetie squeaked. Fluttershy nodded her assent as Sweetie lost herself in thoughts of how her friends would react and what verses she and Fluttershy might add.
In the quiet moments that followed, the magic of Sweetie’s song finally faded, and reality finally settled back in and around Fluttershy. It’s weight placed itself on her back and shoulders and in the pit of her stomach. However brief it had been, and in spite of their supervision, she remembered how she’d let her mind and intentions wander to dark places.
As the pegasus finished the last of her hay juice, her thoughts were interrupted. “Oh, yeah!” Sweetie exclaimed, a bit over exuberant, and Fluttershy started. “Flutters, what about the red geraniums and yellow daisy you gave me? What do those mean?”
The question made Fluttershy pause momentarily as she recalled why she’d chosen them. “Um ... well, daisies also mean innocence and hope, and yellow means many things, depending on the flower, but, in this case, it compliments the daisy, adding, purity, patience, and trust,” things which Fluttershy felt she’d been doing very poorly at herself. Fluttershy’s guilt shown as a small frown formed on her lips, and she sighed. Before Sweetie could respond, the soft-spoken pony continued. “Geraniums generally mean friendship, but red geraniums have a special meaning ... I—well ... they admit folly and ... that I acted poorly before.”
Fluttershy resisted the urge to look away, holding eye contact with her young belle. Sweetie looked back with concern at the remorseful pegasus. “When you combine the meanings, the bouquet I gave you means that I’m sorry, I’ll try harder to be trustworthy and pure for you, and I value your warmth and love.” A half grin suddenly replaced Fluttershy’s frown, and she brightened a little, though remorse still played on her features. “It’s almost like saying, ‘Please don’t take my sunshine away,’ I guess.” A fine job she was doing at trying to be better, Fluttershy chided herself. “But I, um ... didn’t mean to be a downer. I mean, it’s ... well ...” She was tempted to cover up her latest transgression—to say it was in the past. The flowers were meant as closure, but now it felt like a lie in light of the unholy selfishness she’d let possess her so recently. If the flowers were to hold any sincere meaning, she decided, she’d have to confess.
“I only meant it as a token of moving past what’s past, but now ...” It was still hard for her to admit it. Her eyes shut, and she clenched her teeth against the metaphysical pain, frowning again. One last unsteady breath, and she forced it out. “I made another mistake ... just now ... I mean, before ... when we were kissing.” Her gaze fell.
Sweetie wasn’t sure what to say. Was this about the crying? “Fluttershy,” Sweetie’s concern shown on her brow, “What’s wrong?”
“Well ... I really wanted to—I thought about meeting with you tonight, secretly ... without Twilight, and breaking our promise to her. I just ... I’m so sorry.” Her eyes watered. “It was more than just thoughts. ... Before we stopped, I was going to ask you to meet me, but then I realized I’d only be hurting you and Twilight.” Her remorse was made even more evident in the trembling of her voice.
The little filly wasn’t certain how to react.
If Sweetie were wiser and stronger herself, maybe, she imagined, she could buoy her fillyfriend against her weaknesses and help her escape the shame that seemed to constantly threaten their love. In spite of all her studying the past week, Sweetie felt unprepared.
Fluttershy looked back at Sweetie and cursed herself for inspiring the worry she saw in those eyes. What else did she expect, she asked herself. “I just needed to tell you, because I feel like, if I want your trust, I should be open. But, unless you wanted to ask me anything, or talk about it more, that’s all. I won’t let it spoil our date.” Fluttershy put on a smile. “We love each other, and, like I said, I’ll keep trying to get better. You’ll love me, even while I’m not perfect, won’t you?” The thought genuinely cheered Fluttershy. She knew the kind foal's answer before she asked, but the reminder as Sweetie smiled and nodded made Fluttershy's eyes sparkle. The pegasus meekly held out her foreleg, and Sweetie filled it warmly as she always did.
“I trust you,” Sweetie reassured her. The truth was that she’d have trusted Fluttershy no matter what she asked of her. Fluttershy suspected as much and found it both appealing and frightening. “I think I'll help myself to some fresh apology, though, just in case,” Sweetie added. The filly grinned and returned to the side of the blanket she'd left upon finishing her lunch, hours ago, to take a mouthful of scarlet petals. “Hmm.” She chewed and swallowed. “Not bad! Apology accepted.” The filly managed to look smug for a moment at her own wit, then giggled. Fluttershy joined her.
“Clever filly,” Fluttershy praised. As Fluttershy’s guilt dissipated, she indulged again in the sight of her foal. The mare's roaming eyes, half-lidded gaze, and crooked smile seemed to come from nowhere to Sweetie Belle, eliciting a slightly nervous, but happy smile.
Fluttershy caught Twilight’s approach from the corner of her eye.
Having nearly forgotten about their lavender friend since Sweetie’s song, the shy pony snapped back from her little daydream, and both she and Sweetie looked as the purple pony arrived. “I’m sorry. I know I’m interrupting.” Twilight smiled, her tone matter-of-fact. “I ... trust you’ve enjoyed the afternoon?” She asked as if the answer were obvious.
Fluttershy faced Sweetie again, and the two shared an eager look and a smile. “Oh, definitely!”
“Yes!”
They nodded more to each other than to Twilight. They were incorrigible, but lovebirds were that way, Twilight guessed. She almost regretted what she'd later have to tell them, and the pang she felt made the princess pause before she could continue. Regardless, she smiled. “I'm glad to hear it.” She exhaled, emotionally spent but ultimately happy for their successful first date. “Unfortunately, we're out of time.” She managed to sound apologetic.
“Oh, of course.” Fluttershy agreed with a smile, though her brow betrayed mixed feelings.
Sweetie frowned and nodded momentarily, but perked up slightly as she anticipated future dates.
“When can we—I mean,” she interrupted herself, and her tone became formal. She had been looking forward to asking this question. “Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy’s attention turned to the filly. “Yes, Sweetie?”
“Will you go out with me again?” At the question, her muzzle turned a light shade of pink. Her eyes shifted quickly once to check that Twilight was still watching. At Fluttershy’s glance, Twilight politely averted her gaze to the nearby hill, but, the pegasus decided just as quickly, it didn’t matter if the friend saw this.
“Yes. I’d love to!” Excitement rang in her response.
Sweetie grinned widely and blushed in return, happy to see her ray of sunshine glow. The filly turned to Twilight next. “Um ... Twilight, you’ll come with as our chaperone won’t you, please?”
The purple mare’s focus returned to the pair. “I will.” She nodded, pleased and impressed with Sweetie’s initiative. “In fact,” Twilight ventured to interject, anticipating the natural followup question, “I’d like to talk about our schedules for a moment, if you don’t mind?”
It had come as somewhat of a disappointment to Sweetie Belle that they wouldn’t be able to go on their next official date until after the Summer Sun Celebration, even though it was only a week away. Still, they’d all meet together once for “checkups” to discuss their progress together and to talk about a certain “paradigm shift” that Twilight left unexplained except to say she felt it was important.
Fluttershy and Sweetie exchanged their typical I-love-yous and a final kiss as they parted.
That evening, Sweetie Belle kept a record of her first date, written in Crusader code, her joys and her concerns, and, when the ink had dried, between the pages of her latest journal entry, she carefully preserved an orange daisy.
Author's Note
Last revised 2 February 2015
Original Note:
So because this chapter is already later than I'd like I'm releasing it before I've finished editing it. Let's see how badly this turns out I guess. If anything changes drastically I'll try to remember to put an author's note about it at the beginning of the next chapter.
Also, dat season 4 finale!!
(Edit: Oh this chapter didn't turn out so bad after all I guess. Just a few typos. Yay.)
If any errors pop(ped) out at you, I'll be grateful as usual to have your help fixing them. I think I got all of them, but it's easy to miss some. What takes me longest to rectify is my wording, but I think that didn't turn out to need much editing since I've been editing as I go. Suggestions are still welcome of course.
This chapter you might notice the capitalization of the pronoun "Ah." It was experimental. I think I like lower case better personally, but if you feel strongly one way or the other I'd like to hear. It's probably not a big deal either way.
The issues are the meat of this chapter of course. I'd love most to hear your thoughts about exactly that since one of my primary purposes in writing this is to gather information about others' perceptions and share some of my own about the moral, social, psychological, and spiritual issues surrounding what it means to be in a situation like this.
For instance, if Sweetie were a human child in real life, what age range do you think she'd fit into best based on how she's written here physically and mentally. Would her physical and mental ages match? Do you think she'd be ready for the kind of relationship they both seem to want? Why?
I'm constantly trying to answer these and many other questions myself. Hopefully having interested readers' opinions will give me that much more insight.
To readers who finished the former Chapter 18 before 18 February 2015,
This chapter comprises the revised first part of the old Chapter 18 (now chapters 23 and 24). It is not new to the story.
“People [capable] of true and natural love can recognize love in any form.” - Host
If it wasn't the gutsiest move she'd made since the beginning of their relationship, then it was certainly the most uncharacteristic, in Twilight's opinion at least. Fluttershy hadn't known until the very last moment how she would ask it, and, when she did, it came out with a mix of pleading uncertainty and intrepid determination.
Rarity's initial reaction at seeing the two embrace was one of nervous acquiescence, a simple yet stammered greeting between Fluttershy and Rarity, and Rarity and Sweetie Belle. Twilight had made sure everypony's needs were tended to, and, as Twilight raised the loft shield and sought to call each pony back for the next part of her lesson, Fluttershy spoke to Rarity once more. “I,” Fluttershy's voice trembled subtly and she coughed nervously to clear her throat. “I, um, have a request, Rarity.”
Rarity watched Fluttershy free one foreleg from around Sweetie to wipe the mostly dried streaks from her eyes and cheeks. Sweetie looked up at the mare curiously, but seemed to understand quickly by her tone what was about to happen and, instead, looked to her sister. “Yes, Fluttershy?” Rarity was soft-spoken.
Fluttershy took a calming breath before beginning. “It's been ... a difficult week, being apart from each other, w-without any way for me and Sweetie to talk or—or be close,” she prefaced. “I know it's difficult for you, too, and I—I'm a-almost,” the equivocation felt strange to Fluttershy, and she paused to process it, to be sure she meant what she was saying. “I'm almost sorry to ask this,” she stated surely, though it was perhaps the first time she could ever remember being almost sorry, “w-will you ... please let me and Sweetie ... sit together ... side-by-side?” she clarified.
Rarity's heart sank. A knot in her stomach started to grow as she considered the request. Her preference, to Fluttershy, must have been clear before she'd asked, yet ... “H—how can I say ... no?” There was a tense moment between the two mares, and Fluttershy's eyes and answering frown really were apologetic. It didn't last long, however, as Sweetie Belle brightened instantly.
“Oh, thank you , Rarity!” she squeaked. The filly squeezed and nuzzled the mare in front of her excitedly, and Fluttershy couldn't help but smile down at her.
“Th-thank you, Rarity.” Fluttershy frowned again, seeing her friend's worry, but, as the couple released each other and stood to return and sit in front of the chalk board together, it was clear she would take the sister's partial assent, regardless.
Rarity bit her lower lip anxiously, and, joining them, took her seat at Sweetie Belle's side opposite Fluttershy, a bit more closely than she'd sat previously. Sweetie smiled happily at her sister, glad to be between her two favorite ponies, and, above all else, relieved to have the contact she ever continued to crave with Fluttershy. Rarity smiled back at her, reminding herself that sitting together wasn't a big deal and she could trust Twilight's judgment. Fluttershy gave a nervous glance sideways and smiled as well.
Twilight made no comment, but was impressed at Fluttershy's nerve. The purple princess stood patiently, waiting for her friends to settle before she cleared her voice, chalk ready once more. Almost simultaneously, Fluttershy and Rarity breathed tense sighs. Despite how nervous she'd felt and her grief at seeing the discomfort she knew it caused Rarity, Fluttershy felt proud of herself for keeping the promise she'd made to be there for Sweetie and happy to put the filly's needs first.
“We left off with Ponistan and Saddle Arabia ...” Twilight launched into what she both hoped and feared would catalyze her friends' resolve, to help put an end, not only to Rarity's uncertainty, but to the uncertainty Twilight knew haunted Fluttershy as well, “which brings us to a very important question.” Twilight paused for emphasis. “If we see foal sexual relationships throughout history and we see them today in other lands, whether or not they can be considered healthy, why don't we see them in Equestria still today?”
Twilight looked at each of her friends, and each of her friends looked back, focused. “Any guesses?” Twilight invited.
There was a pause before Fluttershy raised her hoof.
“Yes, Fluttershy?” Twilight called on her. Intrigued, the purple pony silently tried to guess at what her friend might say.
“W-well, you said before that Celestia didn't necessarily mean for the legal age of marriage to go up, but ... what if she did? What if ...” Fluttershy concentrated, “what if she, um ... perceives more about what's good for foals, at least generally, than other parts of the world or our ancestors recognized?”
Twilight's eyes lit with understanding at Fluttershy's counter-inquiry. “Excellent question!” she enthused. “Among the four of us, you, Fluttershy, may be the most familiar with canon. Now, I know I'm not quite, well ... I should say I'm not really active in the faith, but I was raised in it, and I can still recall the passages they taught us to memorize. Amont , three, verse seven,” she cited, “'Surely the Lord GOD will do nothing, unless He revealeth His secret unto His servants the prophets.'”
Fluttershy nodded, waiting expectantly for Twilight's point. Sweetie and Rarity both looked on curiously while Twilight continued. Knowing the scholarly mare to be skeptical, it took Rarity a little by surprise at first to hear Twilight's prompt recitation. It made sense, when she thought about it, that Twilight would have some ecclesiastical knowledge. She'd never known Twilight to remain skeptical about anything without actually studying it, after all.
“The prophets in recent millennia who've led the church, naturally, would know about the moral ramifications—consequences—of something as important as foal marriage, so what you suggested makes sense. It's entirely possible that, as they receive relevant revelation, when it's both wise and possible, they might enact or support laws that propagate—promote, or otherwise encourage—harmonious lifestyles and discourage disharmony ... but let me ask you this: is there any law in canon that sets a lower age limit on marriage?”
Knowing her answer, Fluttershy paused only to think how best to respond. “I ... did some research of my own, about a year ago, and, there are a lot of ways ponies look at the Harmony writings. There's no commandment, but ... coming of age, a maiden's passing of the flower of her youth before marriage, is mentioned in a single translation of only one verse. I looked and looked, but I couldn't find anything authoritative. I think—and just about every book or scroll I've read agrees—it means, past a filly's first heat. E-except, well ... there are a few reasons to be cautious with how we interpret it. First, the verse's instruction is given only as advice by Palo , and he's careful to say it's not a commandment in the epistle. Second ... even if the only part he means as advice is to warn against burdening yourself with the worldly troubles of marriage, and he really means that marriage after coming of age should be an obvious rule—this seems more likely—then there's still no commandment under Harmony against marrying a—a foal or a very young maiden, or anypony of any age.”
Sweetie found herself fascinated to see a new side to her fillyfriend and proud to learn that the mare's understanding of the Harmony Scrolls surpassed even that of their princess friend. Ancient writ had escaped the filly's understanding when, on occasion, her parents took her to services.
Fluttershy blushed as Sweetie leaned into her side. Looking down at the beaming foal, she noticed Rarity raise an inquisitive eyebrow.
“Wouldn't you say that's being a tad over-selective about which parts of the New Scrolls we ought to heed, so to speak?” Her question held no accusation, only concern, to which Fluttershy smiled softly and shook her head.
“I don't mean to say I'm sure either way in this case, but, whether Palo meant it as a divine rule or it was just, um ... a rule made up by ponies in his day that he respected, it really isn't clear, especially since he writes plainly that he's not speaking on behalf of God at that part.” Fluttershy felt eager to expound, but reined back her enthusiasm despite her friends' willingness to listen, self-conscious and worried about giving the impression she knew more than she did.
She cautiously continued, “We're promised that a head prophet won't lead us astray, but the prophets aren't perfect.” Fluttershy never knew this more clearly than after Princess Celestia turned out to have been mistaken about Twilight at the royal wedding. “So, when one goes to the trouble of writing that there is no commandment, like Palo did, that's something we should heed before taking everything they say as truth ... not that I think anypony here would jump to any conclusions, I mean ... it's, um ... okay if you do accidentally, I guess.
“A-anyway,” Fluttershy refocused, “in this case, I think it's fair to say that, if it's important for Harmony's sake, we'll eventually find a clear answer. We don't have the full truth, of course, and it's written there's still much to be revealed, but, if we're living in harmony to the best of our ability and we have an important question with no answer, we'll be alright if we keep trying to do our best.” Fluttershy took a breath.
“Still ...” Fluttershy admitted, anticipating where Twilight would lead the discussion, “We are commanded to counsel among ourselves in Harmony, not just follow the law blindly or only follow the law without thinking about how we can better live in peace and good will with our fellow ponies. So, um, I guess ... what we're doing here, talking and trying to understand each other, is really the best thing we can do, and, when we've done what we can, we have Princess Celestia to shed some more light on things when we petition her and Princess Luna.
“Unless there's something I missed in her sermons, she's never made any public revelation about foal marriages. Th-the only reason I've had to ... to stop me from telling Sweetie Belle my feelings sooner,” she looked down at her filly companion, “I mean the only faith-based reason,” she looked again at Rarity, “is the commandment to—” Fluttershy stopped for a moment, her expression changed from calm to nervous, her ears flattened, and her tone shifted from one of patient explanation to guilty reticence. “—to uphold pony-made laws,” she swallowed, “as long as those laws don't require us to violate our fundamental beliefs ... and,” Fluttershy muttered briefly in low, incoherent tones. Breathing deeply, she restarted. “And, if you look at things that way, there is a clear commandment not to marry ... or be with foals ... j—just not ... explicitly written.” Fluttershy looked briefly at Sweetie whose smile had fallen into a small frown, then looked resignedly at the floor. “My confession of love to Sweetie—” Fluttershy tensed against her guilt “—may not have been against the law, but it wound up leading me to break it.”
Fluttershy's mouth opened then closed as though there were more she would say. And to sully Sweetie's virtue as mine has been, to desecrate the act of love outside of matrimony. She hadn't the heart to risk hurting Sweetie by saying it. It was her own weakness, after all, more than the confession of love itself, that had ruined things.
“But,” Twilight picked up when she saw Fluttershy had reached her conclusion, “you've confessed, taken extreme care not to repeat the mistake,” Twilight looked approvingly at her, “and, for the near future, like you said, Princess Celestia could be, well ... inspired, not only to approve your and Sweetie's union religiously, as a prophetess, but, as a ruler, she and Luna have power to make the union legal.”
Fluttershy looked up, smiling again faintly, and she nodded. “That's right.” Fluttershy's smile faded as quickly as it appeared. At Twilight's encouragement, the pegasus changed her mind. She mustn't hold back, even if it did cause Sweetie some pain, “Of course, m-my mistake,” Fluttershy looked down at her foal, “acting so irresponsibly—before we had that approval and were married ...” as Sweetie Belle's brow furrowed and she looked down, blaming herself, Fluttershy wrapped her soothingly in one wing, “it still wasn't in the spirit of Harmony, and I'll do what I can to make it up to everypony.” Fluttershy smiled hopefully.
Hearing her fillyfriend's resolve, Sweetie looked up again, and, seeing the young mare brighten, her admiration of the pegasus won out over her shame, and Sweetie smiled in kind. The way the penitent pegasus seemed happy, even though she admitted to messing up—believing in her own self worth even though she might have burnt the toast or used the last of Rarity's baby-blue sapphires—inspired her to follow suit. “I'll ... make it up too.” Sweetie looked determinedly at nopony in particular, committing to herself more than to anypony among her audience. “If we have to ... we can wait for each other—” Sweetie fought against her fear “—f-for as long as it takes.”
Sweetie's youthful exuberance did little to help as an invisible weight settled in her stomach and on her shoulders. It was a feeling she'd dreaded since the day she'd so quickly raised her hopes and rushed so foalishly into reciprocating the beautiful mare's unanticipated feelings, yet, as she joined Fluttershy, knowing they'd be in it together, she felt that, if it were the only legal way and Fluttershy believed it was correct, then it must be right. Sweetie felt courage bear her up against the burden, and her commitment anneal. The foal beamed suddenly, calm and confident in the face of what might lay ahead.
Fluttershy couldn't help but mirror the filly's fulfilled, serene smile. She drew her wing more snugly around the little pony, and the small unicorn leaned in farther, nuzzling her shoulder.
Rarity looked with a soft expression at the pair, and, for once, the constant worry she'd felt began to recede. As she listened to the pair's commitment and saw, at last, their mutual respect for self-restraint, Harmony itself seemed to bless and guide their union. Gradually, almost as if Rarity had already been convinced, the mare began to hope that Twilight's explanation could change more than just her own opinion—persuade Celestia and Luna—for the couple's sake.
The shift in attitude came subtly, and, whether or not she recognized it, what Rarity felt , more than what she reasoned, was rapidly beginning to change her opinion of the odd pair. Quite unexpectedly, Rarity blushed and smiled widely at the affectionate, devoted couple until, suddenly catching herself, Rarity felt both shame and fear wash over her. Her smile fell into an uncertain frown, her chin turned down, and her eyes shifted left and right, anxiously searching the floor for answers. What happened to the repulsion she'd felt so strongly before concerning the couple, and why did she now start to wish there were a way that their unconventional desires might be fulfilled?
Watching, Twilight couldn't help but empathize with how she thought the older sister must feel. Steeling herself, she focused on the positive. “It sounds like you're both on the path to a very happy ending.” Twilight's congratulation recalled the attention of her three pupils. “I hope,” Twilight's tone became more serious, but was still light, “you'll each hold onto that happy ending as we face the challenges ahead.” Twilight's resolve rang assuredly, leaving her friends, even Rarity, in spite of her doubts, feeling fortified. “Now,” Twilight proceeded, “if you're each satisfied with Fluttershy's explanation ...” Twilight paused and directed her gaze at Rarity.
“Yes, Twilight. Thank you.” Rarity nodded.
“Alright! Back to Fluttershy's original comment.” Twilight telekinetically twirled her stick of chalk, her expression thoughtful as she formulated what to say next. “Since canon takes no definitive stance on foal marriage, and, as Fluttershy also pointed out, since no known prophetic declaration seems to exist from Princess Celestia herself—I can confirm as much, myself—we're left to guess, still, whether the princess really is the reason behind the prohibition—er, why there are no foal marriages today. Maybe Princess Celestia is behind it, and maybe not,” Twilight reiterated, “but we can be almost certain that she hasn't pushed any such agenda—banned foal marriage—at least in her role as a religious leader.”
Twilight paused and directed her attention toward Sweetie. “Sweetie Belle, have you learned about the separation of church and state?”
The filly looked slightly puzzled. “N-not yet, I don't think. I know what the difference is between them,” Sweetie proposed.
Twilight smiled at the filly's guess. “There's a bit more to it than knowing the difference, but that's a start,” Twilight indulged. “The separation of church and state is a principle—an idea that guides our government so that Equestria's laws and its organization don't depend on any particular religion.” Twilight kept her explanation as close to the filly's pace as she could manage. “They can overlap—for example, it's illegal to murder and it's also against the precepts—the rules—of most religions to murder, but the law has to stay apart from the beliefs of any religion unless the lawmakers can mostly agree that something should be made a law, which might or might not match some religion's precepts .”
Twilight paused until the filly nodded, uncertainly.
“This is so that no special treatment from the government, good or bad, can be based on anypony's religion unfairly, like forcing everypony to go to church or, even, forcing everypony not to go to church every week. Of course, few of today's laws are actually based on religious precepts, but are chosen because they seem like good ideas, or else, as I'll explain shortly, because somepony may be especially eager to press their own agenda—try to force their own plan into the government and its laws. Making sure the law doesn't favor any religion,” Twilight repeated, “is the reason we have separation of church and state ,” she restated the term for clarity.
Twilight allowed a moment for the filly to process while the two older ponies looked on. Fluttershy, for once relaxed, felt just comfortable enough to let herself adore the way Sweetie tapped her chin and furrowed her brow, then become distracted by the way her eyes caught the soft tinted light of the purple-pink-shielded loft.
Rarity's attention was quickly drawn from Twilight to her sister and from her sister to Fluttershy as Twilight lectured. Now that Rarity knew more and felt able to step back a moment to view things neutrally, she wondered whether Fluttershy had always hidden her admiration of the foal or whether she'd simply been oblivious to the way Fluttershy looked at her sister. Though the pegasus was duly subtle about it, Rarity decided, it was painfully obvious to her, now, that Fluttershy fancied the little filly. Had Fluttershy looked that way at any adult pony, thought Rarity, she'd have known immediately what it meant.
As Rarity came to better understand the nature of the couple's feelings for each other, her observations struck her as neither good nor bad, with neither the excitement of her very first reaction a week ago, nor the terrible dread that followed it. It was simply fact, now. As Sweetie glued herself to the mare at every opportunity and Fluttershy's doting gaze rested upon her, to Rarity's relief, it no longer shocked her. The two simply were , and, more and more, though it unsettled her, as Rarity watched them, she felt something warm inside begin to grow.
After a moment, Sweetie frankly assessed what she'd learned. “That sounds fair.”
Twilight nodded. “Clover the Clever thought so too and strongly believed that religious freedom was essential if the tribes were going to build lasting friendships,” Twilight noted. “The reason I bring this up,” Twilight explained, finally addressing the group as a whole again, “is that, despite the ponies of Equestria having become used to a prophetess as their ruler, often thinking of the two roles combined, the princesses have always seen fit to keep their roles in Equestria's government clearly separate from their religious duties, to encourage the fair treatment of all religious organizations, and to protect all worship practices that don't interfere with another pony's freedoms or the law.”
Twilight met Fluttershy's attentive gaze. “So, while Princess Celestia's religious duty includes receiving inspiration for individuals under her stewardship, including Equestrian citizens, I believe that, if she did know something about foal marriage, she would have sent out word in her role as prophetess. Would you agree, Fluttershy?” Twilight hoped they might reach an understanding.
Fluttershy nodded at first, but stopped. “What you said is true enough, I think. Um ... I mean, not everything the prophetesses know is made public, but something like a—a stance against foal marriage, I'm almost sure, would be ... proclaimed.” Fluttershy pondered. “More often, it's truth that society would reject that's withheld.” There was a hopeful glimmer in Fluttershy's eye at that thought.
“Fair point.” Twilight conceded, happy for the added insight. “I think we agree, then, at least, that Princess Celestia hasn't received any spiritual evidence counter to foal marriage.” Fluttershy nodded in response. Twilight continued, “It is entirely possible, of course, that she's allowed her own bias to affect her judgment, but, if what I've found is true, and I believe it is, there's more at play here than that.” Twilight discreetly observed a clock across her room. “For the sake of time, I'll cut to the chase.”
Rarity looked eager and somewhat relieved. She understood the necessity of historical context but couldn't help feeling impatient and a little overwhelmed by so much of it. Looking to her side, the stylish sister couldn't help but wonder how Sweetie Belle remained so tirelessly focused the entire time, yet she'd had to learn so much more than anypony else just to keep up. Suddenly, what Twilight had said before the break about drive clicked for the young mare.
“Equinism,” Twilight wrote the word by itself in an empty space almost at the end of the time line before focusing again on Sweetie Belle. After a moment, instead, she turned to Rarity. “Would you mind telling us, Rarity, just briefly, what equinism is?”
Suddenly, Rarity felt as though she really were in school again, wondering if Twilight had sensed her weakened resolve to stay focused, as teachers somehow always did. As Rarity opened her mouth to speak, however, Sweetie's hoof shot up eagerly.
“Sorry, Rarity,” Twilight stopped her. “Would you mind if we first heard what Sweetie Belle has to say?” Twilight proposed.
“Not at all.” Rarity smiled at the unicorn foal.
“Thank you.” Twilight responded before turning back to the little filly. “Yes, Sweetie!”
Rarity thought she heard the familiar markings of favoritism in Twilight's bright tone. The thought of her little sister being the teacher's pet caused her to chuckle inwardly in spite of everything, at both the filly and her incorrigibly professorial pony princess friend.
“I've heard about equinism before! Mom explained it to me once, when I read it on the front page at a newsstand, and I asked her what it meant.” Sweetie reported.
Twilight's smile became wider.
“Wonderful!” she responded. “Umm ...” For a moment, Twilight weighed Rarity's lack of involvement against Sweetie's eagerness. “Sorry, Rarity. I'll let you have the next question, if that's alright.”
Definitely a teacher's pet ... to the princess of books. Rarity giggled a little at both Twilight and her sister, and Twilight felt, inexplicably, like her friend had judged her. The princess grinned, blushing faintly, glad to see Rarity's spirits were beginning to rise.
“Of course it's alright, Dear,” Rarity allowed.
Twilight addressed the foal again. “What did your mom tell you?”
“Equinism,” Sweetie began, “ends in -ism, which means it's something ponies believe in or a way they live.” She recited that bit from school, eager to show what she knew. “Equinists believe that all ponies, no matter what race or special talent they have, or whether they're a filly or a colt, should get the same chances and be treated equi—I mean ... equal.”
As Sweetie finished, her sister smiled approvingly, and Twilight praised her. “Very good. That's correct!”
Sweetie would have blushed even without the gentle rewarding caress of her fillyfriend's feathers across her back. At the sensation, her eyelids drooped, she turned a slightly brighter shade of pink, and she nuzzled the soft yellow mare once more. Being smart, thought the filly, was paying off more than she'd expected. Attention, now from three ponies she looked up to, was something she could get used to.
“Equinism, arguably, has it's roots—starts all the way back before the three tribes were united. It's seen many faces over the centuries, but none more radical—um, not that kind of radical.” Twilight clarified. “I mean it's never been so extreme, and Equinism has never been so varied as it has over the past five decades.”
Twilight attached, “Separatist,” before “Equinism” on the board.
“One of the more recent Equinist movements, calling themselves 'separatists,' focuses only on common, particularly underprivileged, ponies. It purports that to rely on any pony of privilege, or even accept well-meaning help from such ponies, keeps the less-privileged from reaching their true potential. This particular variety of Equinist often not only opposes working together with the Equestrian elite and royalty, but, in their zeal—their passionate belief—the Separatists have been known to make political assaults on noteworthy ponies throughout our government in an attempt to influence the law.” Twilight's brow furrowed, and she appeared to concentrate, considering for a moment how best to convey what she was thinking.
“I can't say I completely understand Separatist fundamentals. I mean, I disagree, I guess, that we shouldn't rely on the generosity and kindness of the wealthy and noble, whom they often oppose, but,” Twilight allowed, “it appears to be a rather effective tactical position, allowing them to justify, at least to themselves, indiscriminately vilifying ponies with greater means or privileges than themselves—make them look bad for the fact that they're rich or associated with nobility, even if those ponies haven't done anything wrong, per se.1
“Even more recently,” Twilight continued, “a group known as Coitional Separatists has seen fit to break away from the main movement to accomplish their own goals.”
Twilight chalked an arrow from “Separatist Equinism,” to the end of the time line where she wrote, “Coitional Separatists.” For a moment, she collected her thoughts, her lips pursed, and her brow furrowed before she continued.
“This particular group,” Twilight let out an unconscious huff, “claims to support separatist ideals in the choosing of a mate,” feeling her own tension, Twilight took a breath and relaxed, “by encouraging relationships between ponies of equal status and opposing others. Similar to Separatists generally, yet, as their name would suggest, more focused on sexuality, they claim that unequal relationships either manipulate and oppress ponies of lower status or they betray separatist fundamentals by using ponies of higher status to gain undeserved notoriety or wealth, ultimately creating only more inequality, in their view.
“For the past three decades, Coitional Separatists have been mostly responsible for promoting anything in the scientific community that supports their agenda, giving rise to victimological research and treatment in the realm of sexual abuse or rape between adults and involving foals. Much of the research has proven valuable, but treatment practices over the last two decades, particularly, have come under quite a bit of scrutiny. Still, I've been sorry to find out, research that challenges their views about foal sexual relationships, objectively studying physical relationships among foals—already controversial to start with—yes, Sweetie?” Twilight allowed herself to be interrupted.
Sweetie had let a number of uncertainties and questions slip past as Twilight explained the separatists, yet, as she heard the topic become more relevant to foals, Sweetie thought she'd better ask for clarification.
“How do you practice treatment, and what's screwt-nee?” Sweetie asked.
“Scrutiny is like investigation, often because something isn't right. Practice, in this case, is how professionals, particularly doctors and psychologists perform their duties. Victimology—the study of how ponies are hurt,” Sweetie nodded, having inferred as much, “became popular, thanks, in part, to Separatists who wanted to emphasize how the upper-class was harming the lower class. Once victimology was firmly established—accepted by ponies generally and academically—then the treatment , or care and recovery, of ponies who had been hurt became popular as well.
“In many cases, however, this treatment was forced, sometimes aggressively, and, too often, it left more damage or trauma than any attack or unwanted sexual contact. For example, certain professionals, whose careers relied upon finding patients, sometimes unwittingly implanted false memories in already-vulnerable ponies of terrible things that hurt them more than reality already had.”
Sweetie raised her hoof again, and Twilight nodded.
“Go ahead,” the mare prompted warmly.
“How can a pony have false memories planted in them?” Sweetie was wide-eyed. “Is it a spell?”
“Not exactly,” Twilight responded. “More subtle, though the process has been aided by illusory spells—spells that make illusions—to try and 'dig up' hidden or repressed memories, hoping to stir a pony's mind into recalling something similar to the illusion. Unfortunately, trying to get somepony to remember something they've forgotten isn't easy, and, if a pony starts to have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy, they can imagine something made-up. If they're told it's real by their therapist, they might then believe it. It's this sort of thing that's been scrutinized ,” Twilight paused a beat to let the vocabulary sink in, “and shown to cause harm rather than diagnose or treat it.”
Sweetie pondered silently and nodded her understanding.
“Implanted memories aren't the only way that treatment has shown itself to be overly aggressive,” Twilight expounded to the group as a whole. “Social workers, historically, have removed foals from homes without adequate concern for how it impacts them, sometimes based on misinformation or misunderstandings, and have ruined reputations and divided communities. This all was more true about ten to twenty years ago than it is today.” Twilight spoke mostly to Rarity who looked almost frantic at the mention of foals being taken from homes.
All three ponies looked anxiously at their lavender friend, and she frowned. “And, for what the word of a princess is worth, I'd do everything I could to prevent anything like that from happening in Sweetie's case, as long as I knew she was safe.”
Sweetie blushed slightly, Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief, and Rarity relaxed somewhat.
“Right now, our best precautionary defense is secrecy, except from those who should be in the know, and patience until we can petition the princesses in Canterlot.”
“But, Twilight,” Rarity began and then stopped herself, raising a hoof. Twilight nodded, smiling. “Shouldn't, well ... shouldn't our parents be in the know?” She looked briefly sideways, down at Sweetie.
Twilight's expression became serious, and she nodded. “Ideally, yes, and, if we all agree, we'll cross that bridge soon enough, one step at a time. The fact that you know now is progress.” Twilight turned her head and smiled encouragingly at Fluttershy and Sweetie who, Twilight guessed correctly, were worried at the thought of going through the whole process again. Fluttershy managed an anxious half-smile in return. “Collecting information and, now, giving it to the three of you is my top priority at the moment.” Twilight spoke the thought aloud, mostly for her own self-comfort, reminding herself she had a plan, but also hoping to reassure her friends.
Rarity nodded.
“I was saying,” Twilight backtracked, “unfortunately, fears spread by Coitional Separatists have made both finding and conducting unbiased research difficult for caring or gentle foal sexual relationships. There's rumor among certain professionals, mostly outside of Equestria, that anti-foalsexual trends are due in large part to the movement's agenda, targeting nobility, as their past was once closely tied to foal marriage. Even if it is unfair to many of them, not all nobles are innocent, of course. The movement wouldn't have so much public support if not for past abuse,” Twilight explained. Rarity thought briefly of Blueblood's arrogance, and a sour expression crossed her face, “but, among the sparse modern research that I've been lucky enough to find,” Twilight continued, “it seems the problem has been blown out of proportion—made to appear much worse than it really is,” Twilight rephrased for Sweetie. “This,” Twilight finished, “is the best answer I can give for why today's culture is so strongly opposed to foal marriage and sexuality.”
Author's Note
Last revised 18 February 2015
Original Note:
Many thanks to Setokaiva for pre- and post-editing.
Announcing hiatus!
Duration: ~~about 2 months~~
What I 'll be doing did in the mean time: Fallen Angels from the beginningFallen Angels
Will I be around Fimfiction? I plan to be around a lot, still, yes.
Click here for Twilight's Notes.
Chapter 23 References: http://www.behindthename.com/name/amos https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Amos%203:7 http://www.jewfaq.org/marriage.htm#Forbidden http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erusin http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/468337/jewish/Prohibited-Marriages.htm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menarche http://www.behindthename.com/name/paul http://christianity.stackexchange.com/questions/8559/does-the-bible-define-a-marriageable-age http://lurks-no-more.deviantart.com/art/Ask-Twilight-Equestrian-Government-354613757 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Separatist_feminism http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dianic_Wicca http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/coition
