Chapters Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Falling into a profound sleep from the wounds inflicted upon him by the traitorous Forerunner Ancilla 343 Guilty Spark, Johnson poured over the long, battle-filled life he had lived. The entirety of the Human-Covenant War played out in his mind, all the way from the fateful First Contact on Harvest, to the opening of the portal at Voi and the battle on and above the Ark.
He recalled all the brave men and women he’s lead and served with for the past three decades. The sacrifices, the emotions, the bold, catchy speeches, the explosions, and above it all, the triumphant, blazing fire of humanity. No matter how hard the the Covenant had pushed and burned and killed, they couldn't stop the ending of the War in their defeat. They could never extinguish the collective sparks of those whose fought and died to protect everything they knew.
All of this and more flowed through Johnson’s mind. However, something else, something foreign , was lingering on the fringes of his mind. It was an alien presence with a dream-like quality, seeming benevolent and feminine in nature. Johnson’s unconscious mind could hardly even register its existence, let alone put a description or proper name to it. He had never experienced nor encountered such a being or force in all his life.
Regardless of how he was able to perceive things within his dying mind, he was helpless to know of the events occurring in the world without. Johnson's limp form slid off the platform as it tilted to one side and began to fall into the abyss below, while the Control Room of Installation 04B shook itself apart as if gods themselves sought the facility's demise. As both Installations tore each other apart in the resulting explosions, something– the presence Johnson had detected earlier–took advantage of the vast amounts of energy being unleashed to break through the barriers between worlds and re-enter the unconscious mind of the Sergeant, whose nervous system was only half-way through the process of shutting down.
Whatever the being was, it apparently approved of and possibly even admired what it saw in his mind, and decided to extract his essence, personality, and memories before they became permanently irretrievable. Now, all it would need to do is...
“Ahhh, what the hell...What’s this freaky thing in ma head?! Didn't I just die? I... I can’t feel my teeth! Oh wait, I never could...” Johnson shouted in his head, confused and perhaps a little annoyed.
In the entity’s efforts to extract him, it had inadvertently awoken the human’s mind.
“Curses! We could have sworn this would go a lot more smoothly than this. Hmpf, no matter. You there, human!” The being said in a feminine voice, addressing Sergeant Johnson directly for the first time.
Johnson heard it clearly, as it seemed to echo through his mind. While he couldn't detect nor feel his body at the moment, he inexplicably felt like he was still alive. “What? Is this...Am I in limbo? Are you the Almighty or something? If ya don’t mind me saying so Lord, you sound like a sexy woman!”
The being did not speak for a moment, remaining quiet as Johnson probed around the inside of what he assumed to be his mind. It was as if he were trying to find a light switch in the middle of a dark forest. At last, the feminine voice replied back. “We beg your pardon? Dost thou not know who we are? Allow us to introduce ourselves, then. Thou art hearing the royal voice of Luna, co-ruler of Equestria and Princess of the Night!”
“Ha, ha-ha! I always knew you were a funny one, Lord! Now uh, is this about me dying and activating your gigantic Anti-Sonofabitch Machine Hoolahoop thingy, or is there something else ya need the good Sergeant for?”
Luna’s voice was hesitant at first, before replying. “We do not understand what you mean by this..’Hoolahoop’ of which you speak. Thou art in this state between death and life now for the sole reason that we have seen your exploits, analysed your abilities and traits, and saw fit to alter fate in thine favour, Avery Junior Johnson. We would like you to fight alongside us in protecting our land of Equestria from grave threats.”
Sergeant Johnson was unsure of how to react to this realization. “So, you mean to say that I’m not actually dead? I’m still alive?” Luna shook her unseen head. “Erm, not technically. You are deceased, but not in the conventional meaning of the word. Your body is dead, but thanks to us, your essence is preserved. We can bring you back, but there is but one catch.”
“Well, to hell with it, hook or not, go ahead. I suppose I'll play Sir Lancelot for ya and protect the land, but only if I get some big shiny helmet and some decent cigars in return! Now resurrect me dammit, I’m too pretty to die! ”
Princess Luna chuckled. “Very well then. You will be resurrected in your body as it was just prior to your being wounded, but take heed! Thou shalt not be in the same location. Indeed, you will be in a whole another dimension!”
“Well then, ‘Princess Luna’ with the sexy voice , I don’t care if you end up teleporting me to goddamn Candy Land, or the inside of Lord Hood’s personal bathroom, you might as well work your magic then. What other choice do I have?!”
Accompanied by a magical whirring noise as energies began to form around Johnson’s dreamlike out-of-body experience, Luna’s voice addressed Johnson once more. “It is done. Momentarily, you will find yourself alert, healthy, and in control of your newly reconstructed body as you begin your fall to Equestria.”
“Sweet, Princess. But do ya mind telling me what on Earth is the catch? Did you just say something about a fall?! ”
“Oh yes, about that.” Luna paused, putting her two hooves together nervously, although of course Johnson could not see this. “We may have...made a few, *tiny errors on our trans-dimensional coordinates. You are going to land straight on the snow-filled summit of a mountain upon your teleportation in.”*
Luna continued, her voice being slowed down by her growing nervousness. "The summit might also be home to a dragon or two."
"Say what?! " Johnson exclaimed.
"Err...but on the bright side, we shall see your true skills as a warrior, is that not so?" Johnson said nothing back for a moment, recalling a certain time flying down to New Mombasa.
For a brick, he flew pretty good!
“Terrific,” The Sergeant finally replied sarcastically.
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Light was the first thing Sergeant Johnson detected as he exited his dream-like state and into what had to be reality. The light was almost blinding. That was not the worst of it, however.
What really kicked Johnson’s mind into gear was an itch. A most profound, unbearable, itch.
“Where the hell did you teleport me, Princess? Do you people live in some kind of world made entirely of fluffy-puffy wool sweaters?”
Promptly, Luna’s disembodied voice replied back to him through the air. “Nay, Sergeant. The intense itching sensations you are experiencing are simply your body being reconstructed. You have to forgive us, for the process requires massive amounts of magic be spent. As such, the energies are going to leave your skin feeling...rather prickly. Fear not though, it should subside momentarily.”
Moving his eyes around to take a closer look at his body, Johnson was left completely taken aback. Sure enough, his right arm was now there as normal, while the rest of his left arm, much of his waist, and his legs all were surrounded by a beautiful golden aura.
The entire process could likely only properly be described as the opposite of disintegration. As the gold swirls of energy continued on with their motions, Johnson found that it had perfectly reconstructed his armor as well, everything down to the patches, insignias, straps, and even pouches.
When the energy ceased, Johnson stood up on whatever surface he was one, inspecting the results of the energy’s work. “Well would you look at that?” Johnson remarked. “Now I really have seen everything!” He rolled his shoulders around and wiggled his fingers about, looking at his body with newfound admiration.
Johnson then flexed his biceps like a professional body builder, somehow looking far more imposing then one.“I feel like a new MAN! ” He exclaimed.
Princess Luna cleared her throat. “Technically you are now, Sergeant Johnson, considering the new body. Fair warning to you however, thou shalt prepare. You are almost fully teleported here, and you should be commencing your descent down to Equestria any second now!”
This brought Johnson’s attention away from his body and finally to his new surroundings. Long gone were the silver and blue walls of Forerunner structures, or the glow and other worldly chiming of holographic control panels.
Instead, Johnson now found himself suspended in what he could only describe as a cobalt-colored bubble shield...one that was apparently floating in the air. The Sarge ventured a glanced at the surface beneath his feet, and he almost got vertigo. All Johnson could observe was a sea of white clouds, with the occasional smudge of green showing through breaks in the cloud layer, providing tiny glimpses into the world that laid in wait below.
“My...magic...cannot...hold you in the shield anymore, Sergeant.” Luna warned between labored breaths. “You are on...your own for now, BRACE THYSELF!”
“Goddamit, I’m not that aerodynamic, Princess....waaah!! ” The Marine Sergeant’s voice gave way to a shriek of full blown panic as the solid surface of magical energy he rested upon quickly began to flicker and dissipate. The wind blew in his face, as gravity inevitably took hold.
Following Luna’s advice, Johnson braced himself. Thanks to his NavSpecWar training alongside the techniques granted by Project ORION, instead of flailing his arms about frantically like the average civilian would, Johnson knew to adjust his body while plummeting. This gave him the invaluable ability to slightly modify his speed and trajectory as he prepared for a likely rough landing.
It would be rough, but nothing is rough enough to stop something like the Sergeant for long.
Johnson calmed down as he neared the cloud layer. “Never thought I’d have the opportunity to get a face full of cloud. I wonder if they’re of the warm and buttery type like how Auntie Marcille always said.”
“Actually Johnson, they are. Some of the pegasi often talk of it fondly during their weather patrols. Tis one of the perks of possessing wings.” Luna declared jovially, recalling nights she would spend flying over Canterlot after raising the Moon.
Of course, Johnson had no idea what Luna was talking about. “Pegasi...what in the... Are you yanking my chain, Princess?”
“Oh...you don’t know about us do you, hmm that’s right...” Far from Johnson’s sight Luna frowned and nervously put a hoof to her chin. “Well, thou shall see for thine self our true nature when you make your way to Canterlot”
“Oh c’mon now. You brought me back to life, and I agreed to help your people in their quest to kick some...alien, err..whatever your fighting’s ass. So, why don’t we throw off the masquerade costumes and silly jokes, and show each other our fine, fine bodies!” Johnson was grinning, and his teeth nearly made a ‘ding’ noise from their exquisite shiny brilliance.
Luna blushed, unsure of how to continue the conversation amidst the Sergeant’s...flattery. “First thing’s first Sergeant: Landing! We are tracking you, but unfortunately we have to look into something before we can speak with you again. You are on your own for now. Oh, and you should be at the cloud layer....NOW!”
Clouds gave way without resistance as the Sergeant blazed through them at dazzling speeds. Johnson squinted his eyes as he went. “This day just keeps getting better and better. Ha, ha! Auntie, Princess, you were both right. Now all I need is some friggin' popcorn, and I’m happy as a...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!”
Something roughly Johnson’s size and winged nearly collided with him. “WHOA, what the hey?” It stopped to look at Johnson’s quickly descending form. “Watch where you’re flying you bozo!” The creature shouted, agitated.
“Boy, did you just call me a... Wait! What, a freaking flyin’ horse? Princess you weren't joking were you?” He coughed as condensed water vapor got into his throat.
“Hey you, pegasus! Yeah, I’m talking to you! Don’t just hang up there gawkin’, SAVE MY ASS from the mean forces of GRAVITY!” Johnson exclaimed. Luna’s voice was absent at the moment as the Princess had stated. The pegasus he had nearly collided with however, had heard him, and decided to investigate.
“You mean you can’t fly? Just flap your wings, how hard could it be!” The mare said incredulously as she watched him fall away.
“Do you see any wings on ma back, smart ass?” Johnson shouted back, his voice now difficult to hear from the distance between the two.
The pegasus sighed angrily. Her mane billowed in the wind and the sunlight shined off her cyan coat as she suddenly soared towards the human at near record speed. She snatched him up with her hooves, holding him just under his arm pits. The effort caused her to grunt with exertion as she struggled to descend carefully with Johnson’s weight pulling her down with him. To any onlooker the scene would have appeared rather awkward, if not amusing to watch.
“What in...Celestia’s name....are you....GNAH! ....doing in the air...if you don’t have...wings?!” The pegasus inquired, panting frantically. Johnson scoffed. “Maybe you should have a chat with your Princess Luna about that. She’s the one with the angel voice who teleported me up into your stratosphere in the first place!”
“Whoa...you know...Princess Luna?....That’s....ughhh!...That’s kinda awesome!” The mare replied, still hauling Johnson down through the clouds. “Yeah, I bet it is. Now, enough chit-chat. This isn’t as fun as it looks!”
Catching the pegasus’ attention, Johnson pointed towards the nearest mountain peak. “That there gigantic piece o’ rock is probably where Princess Luna said I would end up landing. So, get my ground-loving ass over there in one piece, and you can be on your merry loving way or wherever.”
His pegasus guardian expressed her compliance merely with an affirmative grunt as they continued their fall. Johnson looked up at her and nodded, satisfied. “Alright then, GO, GO, GO! ” She groaned irritably and increased her rate of descent as the summit of Canterlot mountain loomed ever closer.
They pegasus and the human sergeant were both well below the majority of the cloud systems now, and Johnson was finally able to witness the breathtaking view of Equestria that spread out before him.
The mountain they were heading towards sat on its own in the middle of the land. Johnson was just barely able to make out what looked like a massive city leaning out of one of the slopes of the mountain. It’s towers, spires, marble walls, and waterfalls all gleamed in the sun as if the city were a great sentinel keeping watch over the land.
Spreading outwards from the mountain, was the verdant dark green of Equestria’s forests, the gold and light green of fields and meadows, and the gentle azure of rivers and lakes.
The shape of a medium-sized town in a large valley dozens of miles from the mountain city was also seen by Johnson. It was situated around the wide bend of a river that traced its origin to the mountain, and ran Southwest, past a dark jungle-like forest and an imposing gorge or canyon. The river ended abruptly at a small delta spilling into an ocean, the edge of which the Sergeant could scarcely even see due to the vast distance.
A great desert spread out in the distant south, and nothing but more mountains dominated the horizon on the North, Northwest, and Northeast.
Looking back at the town, Johnson thought that the buildings appeared rather quaint, but quite cozy and welcoming in their design.
“Well I’ll be a...” If the Sergeant had a cigar in his mouth, it would likely fall. “This place makes the surfaces of the Ark and the Halo hoolahoops look like Chicago Industrial on a bad day. I would know, I grew up there! ”
The pegasus broke her focus from carrying the both of them to reply. “Where the heck...is Chicago? And what...the hey... are you , to begin with?”
Johnson replied with a tsk-tsk noise. “How about we just start with names, tinker bell! What’s yours?”
“It’s not tinker bell...I can tell you that much...” The mare replied with a dangerous but exhausted voice. Recalling his earlier colorful language, “But, you certainly seem like a...uhh...bold sort. I like that. Name’s Rainbow Dash! I’m a pegasus...obviously. Future Wonderbolt, and probably the fastest flier who ever lived, thank you very much!” Johnson chuckled at her haughtiness, nodding in approval and looking up at Dash’s rainbow-colored mane.
“That name suits you quite fine, Rainbow Dash. I, am what you’d call a Type-52, DIRECTED WHOOPASS CANNON! Just point me in the direction of the enemy, and pull the trigger. Jokes aside, I’m one of the protectors of mankind, a human solider, and Sergeant Major in the beloved UNSC Marine Corps! Avery Junior Johnson’s the name, and Covie ass-kicking’s the game...” Johnson sighed sadly for a moment, finally pondering recent events. “...or at least it was.”
Between ragged breaths, Rainbow Dash was just able to let out a friendly laugh. “A...soldier? You know what...Johnson, I...like ya...Phew! ...already! We seem to have a lot in common. But don’t go around calling me ‘Tinker Bell’! It sounds too...ugh ...wimpy.”
The Sergeant chuckled again, reverting to his cheerful attitude. “Look at me, just now falling through Equestria’s sky, and already making its ladies fall heads over heels by ma infinite charm!”
By now, the awkward duo were finally nearing the mountain peak, and the pegasus could finally slow down enough to catch her breath and talk normally for the most part. “Ha, ha wise guy. Keep dreaming.” Rainbow Dash said, largely unimpressed.
“Trust me, I know what the ladies like.” Johnson replied suggestively with a grin.
Rainbow Dash resisted the urge to face-hoof, for obvious reasons. “We’re close to the peak. If I try to carry you anywhere further down than past that snow bank there, I’ll wear out and drop both of us to our deaths! Would you like me to take the express route down, or would you prefer we fall like a brick?”
“MIND READER!” Johnson jeered, looking up at Dash incredulously. “Send us on the expresssss way down, If you’d be so kind!”
Not being able to physically, Rainbow Dash mentally shrugged instead. “Alrighty, express it is then...too bad ya don’t have a sled!” Flying them over to the large, soft snow bank atop the craggy summit, Dash began to tighten her grip on Johnson. “Okay, ready?”
“Rainbow, I WAS BORN READY!!”
She responded with an amused chuckle and started counting down. “Three...two.... ONE! Here...here we go!”
“Get some!” Johnson roared as Rainbow Dash soared towards the snow, eager to make impact before her strength completely left her. The human and the pegasus both landed face-first, side by side in the fluffy powder. The snow had broken their falls almost perfectly.
Sergeant Johnson pulled himself up and out of it with a groan, quickly looking to Rainbow’s prone form beside him. He put his hands to his hips as he analyzed her. The pegasus must be one powerful cookie if she were able carry myself so far. Impressive. He thought.
“Damn good work soldier, now on your feet...er hooves! We’re movin’ out!”
With her own muzzle still partially buried in the snow, Rainbow Dash could only mumble and groan in return, not looking at him. “Oh, can’t I just lay here for awhile. I’ve been carrying....how much do you weigh Johnson?”
“Two hundred and ten pounds of grade ‘A’ grunt-eating testosterone! Them little pint-sized bastards can smell us a mile away and go running for the hills if their split-chin overlords aren’t around.” Johnson dug into one of his pouches, and to his astonishment, discovered that Luna had even been able to recreate his lighter and cache of cigars.
The Sarge lit a cigar and took a few puffs as he continued to regard Rainbow Dash. She shot up upon hearing the numerical value of his weight, and gawked at him.
“Gosh, you coulda killed me , making me carry that much!”
In response, Johnson took another puff, and blew out a perfect ring of smoke. “And yet, here we are. All in one piece.”
Hearing that, Rainbow Dash frantically got up and looked around her body. “Crap, I can’t hardly feel my wings, or my forehooves! Are they alright! I barely even feel my face!” Sure enough, the skin of the mare’s face was flushed red beneath her cyan fur. Johnson stifled a laugh.
“Calm down Rainbow! It’s just the snow numbing em’ down. Like I said, all in one piece. Now, Luna said this land is facing some grave ass threat, and that you all would like me to join you’re fight or something. Now I’m not inclined to keep a lady waiting!”
“Yeah, I guess you could say we’re in the middle of a war, a big one. Equestria could use all the help she can get, but I...” Dash attempted to unfurl her wings from her sides, but the attempt caused her to cry out. “UGH! Their too freaking stiff. Great! Now I don’t have the stamina to fly us out, and we’re both stuck up here.”
Leaving his cigar in his mouth, Sergeant Johnson folded his arms and watched nonchalantly as Rainbow Dash muttered in frustration, nursing her freezing, stiffened wings. “Like my dear Auntie always said, ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way.’”
The rainbow-maned pegasus frowned at him skeptically. “Oh, and what ‘way’ might that be, wise guy?”
Johnson shuffled the cigar around his mouth using his tongue. “Princess Luna had said there might be a dragon...or two that live up here. Now, I’ve of course never seen a flying fire-breathing overgrown gecko, but if you have em’ here, I’d wager they could fly us out, assuming they don’t try to sell us automobile insurance or turn us into a plate of delectable sirloins!”
The human took out his cigar and motioned towards a large cave opening in a nearby cliff face Dash hadn’t noticed yet. Torrents of smoke were billowing from the entrance.
“Exhibit A.”
Dash now glared at him, her skepticism hitting its maximum. “You can’t be serious! It’ll eat us on sight! And I can’t fight like...” She raised one of her limp wings slightly. “...this!! ” Johnson returned her glare with a confident smirk, half covered by his cigar.
“Hehe! Just leave it to me then! I’ve got a dragon to ‘negotiate’ with, if you’ll kindly excuse me.” Johnson then stooped low, and cautiously began to advance the twenty feet or so towards the entrance to the dragon’s den.
Still in the snow, Rainbow Dash laid down and watched the Sergeant go. “You’re crazy, ya know that?” She called out. Keeping silent, Johnson gave her a lighthearted salute, then started to scale up the rocks and boulders fringing the mouth of the cavern.
“The good kind of crazy too.” Rainbow added under her breath.
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Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 3: The Sarge, the Pegasus, and the Dragon
Smoke continued to billow out of the lip of the cavern-turned dragon den as Johnson continued his ascension up to its precipice. The thick swirling carbon fog emerging from the hollowed out rock almost left the impression that the mountain itself was volcanic, which would be a dire turn of events for the inhabitants of the city over a thousand feet down.
Johnson on the other hand knew that the emissions belonged not to a magma flow, but rather from a living being. An immense being, guessing by the sheer amount of carbon dioxide being emitted.
The potential size of the cave’s inhabitant did little to faze the human, as he neared the top and began to pull himself up onto the talon-trounced rock platform outside the entrance. The Sergeant had stared down eight-feet tall Sangheili, equally tall Jiralhanae, and taller still: M’Galekgolo, surviving every time. What stood before Johnson now however, was still far more imposing than any hunter, elite, or brute he had ever seen. Just beyond the cave’s gaping maw of an entrance, was the dragon whose existence had been hinted at by Luna.
Thankfully fast asleep, the massive winged lizard had her face and eyes towards him. Her snoring snout was obviously the cause of the noxious emissions Johnson now had to sidestep and avoid. Her massive eyes were drawn tightly shut, but even in sleep the beast’s mighty form would easily make lesser beings quake in her presence.
Johnson glared at the prone dragon, still sizing it up. Her scales were a brilliant ruby red. A pair of massive wings were furled up between four powerful legs that could likely squash a pony as if she were an ant. Each leg ended in razor sharp claws that could dig a ditch in seconds. The individual claws, even those of the smallest digits, were bigger than Johnson’s head. Her ruby-crimson body ended at the arrow-shaped tip of her long tale, which was lined with symmetrical spikes.
Surrounding the beast were several piles of bones piled near bonfires. The fires were not fueled by well cut logs or lumber, mind you. They were entire tree branches, likely ripped out of the Everfree Forest, piled atop one another and burning almost white-hot. The bones themselves largely belonged to sheep, bears, full grown elk, and even the occasional manticore, judging by the skulls. Strangely, Johnson felt the impulse to pick one of the skulls up and carve a goofy symbol into it.
Ever so quietly, Johnson approached the slumbering beast. Sticking strictly to his right opposite the direction of the smoke, he entered the cave. Going six feet or so in, Johnson took up a position atop a boulder pile against the stone wall in an almost casual fashion, folding his arms and getting a look at the area surrounding the dragon.
A shimmering light drew the human’s eyes towards the rear of the cavern. Johnson’s jaw dropped to the floor at the sight before him.
Resting within reach of the blood colored dragon’s powerful spiked tail were piles upon piles of precious gems, the light of the bonfires glinting off of them. Johnson had found the dragon’s horde, and then some. Priceless diamonds, sapphires, and most plentiful of all, rubies were scattered amongst each other, with not a thought granted to organization or separation.
“Cha-ching!” Johnson exclaimed under his breath.
Suddenly, a rogue piece of loose stone shifted beneath one of Johnson’s massive armored boots. It made a loud ‘thump’ as it struck the cave floor and bounced thrice. The stone had been made slick with condensation from where the dragon’s body heat and activities had been melting away snow and ice.
“Oh, dammit!” The Sergeant whispered.
***
A falling stone’s sound echoed loudly across the cavern and reverberated all the way out to where Rainbow Dash still stood miserably in the snow.
The poor mare's teeth chattered and her skin shuddered under the unforgiving bite of the frigid winds. Amidst the numbing cold, her wings had remained unable to operate properly. Even attempting to flap one of the stiff appendages as normal, sent massive jolts of pain down the pegasus’ back and sides.
Rainbow growled in frustration in between her chattering of teeth. “Ugh, after we get off this Celestia-forsaken mountain, I’m not going anywhere near snow for a very, very long time!”
Upon hearing the clacking of falling stone up ahead, she snapped her head instantly towards the cave entrance. “What does that hot shot think he’s doing?!” Rainbow wondered. She then craned her neck, trying to get a better angle.
Not satisfied, she decided to climb higher up the snowbank. From her new vantage point, she observed the proceedings with baited breath, resisting the urge to rush in and challenge the dragon as it shuffled into alertness, investigating its lair for a potential invading pest or pegasus gem thief.
Whether it was the former or the latter, both were equally edible and delicious as far as the dragon was concerned. This was especially true after the screaming usually stopped and the slow roasting was complete.
***
With a jolt, the ruby-scaled dragon opened her eyes and turned towards the source of the disturbance. She surveyed the pile of stones intently through a pair of deep pupils lined by cerulean irises. The top of the pile was devoid of any inhabitants save for several lifeless stones. One of the larger stones had the words ‘Bite Me’ , crudely scratched into it.
Having never been exposed to any form of pony civilization beyond the occasional sheep or cow raid, the cave’s inhabitant was unable to read or comprehend written Equestrian. She passed her draconic eyes over the carved taunt without a second glance.
Warily, the massive dragon growled and hissed irritably. She shook off her remaining drowsiness and investigated the rest of her stony den. No sources of antagonism were detected, and everything remained as it always was, much to her disappointment. Expecting to encounter a foolhardy pegasi or griffon adventurer or treasure seeker, or perhaps one of them , the dragon had been looking forward to playing with her deserving prey this time before feeding.
The dragon’s discontentment turned to delight, for the piles of gems nearby beckoned to her seductively with their irresistibly shiny charms. The dragon licked her lips in anticipation for yet another feast. Completely focused on her crystalline dinner, ruby-scales failed to notice the tensed form of Johnson directly above her.
Johnson was clinging to the stalagmites, staring down at the dragon with a building anxiety to jump onto her back. He then noticed what she was doing to some of the gems, his face contorted into one of disbelief. “Scaly face, what the hell do ya think you’re doin’? Those aren't food, FOOL! ” Johnson shouted as he dropped onto the back of the dragon.
She roared at the top of her lungs, belching out fire in her anger that she had been outwitted and caught off guard by such a tiny assailant, as well as having her meal so rudely interrupted. Johnson held onto her neck spikes as she arched and shook her back, nearly flinging him off dozens of times.
Outside, Rainbow cringed and nearly averted her magenta eyes from their flailing forms, expecting to witness snack time any second now.
Finally, after getting tired of shaking in an attempt remove her stubborn intruder, the dragon decided a more direct approach was in order. With another mighty roar, she slammed her right side into the nearest stone wall, knocking the human clinging to her into a daze.
Taking advantage of Johnson’s momentary disorientation, the dragon reached back and snatched him up in one of her front talons.
She held him out at leg’s length, analyzing him and his threat potential. The latter was null, as she could now simply but squeeze without any effort on her part, and Johnson would likely be turned into a thick red paste in an instant.
Noticing that he was wearing armor or clothing of some kind, the dragon theorized that he must be sapient. Like ponies and their ilk... She mused. Genuinely intrigued by the possibility, the dragon brought him closer to her face, deciding to learn more about this strange intruder. The human was merely three feet from her face, and her hot sulfur and brimstone-laden breath wafted over to him.
The Sergeant met her curious gaze with a look of vexation rather than fear, which secretly surprised the dragon deeply.
“How ya doin’?” He said to her in a gruff voice.
Pulling her snout into a grin, Johnson got his first glimpse of her rows of razor sharp, pearly-white fangs, each the size of a well-forged dagger. Then, in a shockingly suave and pleasing voice, the dragon spoke to him. “Ahh, so the strange-looking male Yeti speaks , hmm? Fascinating indeed.”
Johnson was as surprised by her ability to talk as she was of his inherent lack of fear. He was also angered. “Did you just call me an abominable snow man , scaly face? You better hope ya don’t let me go now, or I’ll give you an ass whooping so hard, your descendant’s descendants will cry out in pain!”
The dragon countered with a gust of air, which blew back much of the hair that remained on Johnson’s ordinarily shaven head. His cheeks briefly formed jowls as the skin too was caught in the rush of her hot, sulfurous breath. When the gust ceased, she stared at him with mounting hostility. Johnson however, still remained partially unimpressed. “Man, that was really scary! But would you like a mint or two, because your breath stinks like the rear-end of a dead, rottin’ jackal!”
She roared at him again, louder this time. The thunderous sound ended with a crescendo of growls and hisses emanating from deep within her throat. The growls served as a warning that the human had one final chance, as the next roar would be accompanied by a massive gout of skin-melting napalm and hell fire.
Hearing the roars, and knowing that nopony was watching her, Rainbow Dash’s shivering increased, now motivated more so by fear than the cold.
Blinking twice, the dragon looked at Johnson once more, awaiting a more pleasing reply from him. Johnson had been taught the error of his ways. His eyes widened at her, and he chuckled nervously.
“Hehe, I mean what fine...shiny scales you have!” He grinned sheepishly at her, his teeth gleaming like the sapphires in his vicinity. The dragon’s attitude lightened up in an instant, and a chuckle of amusement strummed in her gut. Giving her a closer look, and listening closely to the cadence of her laughing, Johnson’s intuition kicked in, and he finally realized the gender of his reptilian captor. “Hey, you must be a girl dragon , aren’t you?!”
The dragon grinned once more. “Indeed I am, little one. And I must say, you are quite unique to me. You aren't like all those ponies who have so foolishly stumbled in here over the years, seeking treasure that does not belong to them. They always tremble like leaves before me, most fleeing upon the sight of a dragon of my size and age! Tell me little one, what makes you so different?”
Johnson tensed slightly in her uncomfortable grasp. “Ma’am, let’s just say if you've seen all the thing’s I’ve seen...Few things would be able to scare you off either.”
The dragon abandoned her grin, and peered at the human in her talons with a knowing but sad twinkle in her brilliant reptilian eyes. “I sensed it on you, for it is a sense of which I am all too familiar, little one. War? Destruction? The relentless hunting and slaying of your race over the centuries by arrogant lesser beings who are no longer worthy of mercy or diplomacy?”
Smiling mirthlessly, Johnson nodded at her with incredulity. “You’ve read me practically like an open book, ma’am!” The dragon leaned towards him and smiled, not revealing her imposing teeth this time.
“We seem to be two of a kind, little one. Pray tell, who and what are you? And something of your nature would not be up here merely seeking gems, no. What truly brings you here to my lonely abode, far above the realms-where-the-wingless-trot?”
The Sarge scratched his head with the arm he had managed to free, and raised an eyebrow in thought. “Well...ya could just call me ‘badass’ , but that’s not specific enough! I belong to the race known as Huuu-man-itaay! ”
Johnson chuckled, and both prisoner and captor smiled at each other, painting an awkward scene for Rainbow, whom could scarcely believe that the monster had not eaten the human yet. Behind the dragon’s smile however, a profound curiosity was forming. Did he say humanity? I feel as if I’d heard of a species with that name, millennia ago... Tales of a lost but legendary people... But it’s too obscure now. Bah! No matter, I’m sure its just a trick of my old ears.
The human continued. “I’m Avery Johnson. Most just call me Johnson. I’m a Marine, and all I can say in brief is that I used to kill evil eight-foot tall freaks literally for a living. What about you, shiny scales?”
The ruby-scaled dragon grinned again at the simple two-word phrase. “You may call me Risea, sole living inheritor of the bloodline of Tarkash, once the mightiest dragon brood in all the Badlands! I am daughter of King Vrael, son of Fang, and Queen Glaeda, daughter of Myrrha.”
The dragon by the name of Risea regarded Johnson as he stood still in her grasp, awaiting his reaction, before further divining his intentions.
His response began with a whistle of admiration. “My, my...looks and sounds like someone here has a prestigious sounding background. If I’d known I was in the presence of beautiful royalty, I would have toned down the jackassery, oh, and put on some cleaner underwear!”
Risea blinked at him mischievously. “I shall call you Avery, and I must say, your attempts to beguile me are amusing at best, little one. Now, I shall repeat my earlier inquiry: what brings you here to me now? ”
Johnson used his freed arm to point behind his back towards the entrance. “Me and a friend o’ mine could use lift out of here, before I freeze to death.”
“And how, if I may ask, did you end up on the summit near my home in the first place?”
Shrugging nonchalantly, Johnson replied. “Someone brought me back to life, and it turned out that they were doing it several thousand feet, above solid ground! It was a miracle I didn’t suffocate from the damn thin ass air up there, shiny scales!”
“Risea... ” The ruby-colored dragon corrected with a roll of her eyes. “And a likely story, Avery Johnson.” Risea concluded with sarcasm dripping off her refined voice. “But I have heard far more eccentric tales before, I’m afraid. And what of this ‘friend’, of yours hmm?”
“She saved me from falling, but we can’t get any lower than this altitude. She’s too hurt, the sissy! ” Johnson managed to free his other arm, and folded them at his chest, resting his elbows on Risea’s tree-trunk like digits. "So, can you fly us out of here or not?”
Risea emitted a centuries-long sigh from deep within the depths of her fire-retardant throat. “Very well, little one. Since you did not attempt to steal my horde, and I sense something in you that I admire, I will help you and your associate. Is it the place of the ground-trotters you seek? The land they call Equestria?"
He nodded, and Risea blinked. “In which case, I shall bring you no farther than near their city of Canterlot, Avery.” Suddenly, Risea unfurled her massive wings, the light of the bonfires reflecting off them and casting Johnson in a massive shadow.
“Their kind, especially the winged ground-trotters, and my kind, do not mix. And we never will.”
She set him down gently, and Johnson flexed his muscles and groaned as if he had fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position. He marched outside through the mouth of the cave and waved. “Well alright then, Risea. Let me introduce ya to Rainbow, and you can get us all the hell out of this place, ma ass is freezing!”
Risea chuckled at the human’s discomfort. “Rainbow? Tis’ a strange name for a dragon, don’t you think?”
Johnson shot the red dragon a confused look. “Who ever said she was a dragon? ”
“Johnson, what the buck do you think your doing dude? You leading the dragon out here to eat us both at once? ” Rainbow Dash shouted, rashly storming out from her perch up on the snowbank that had broken both their falls several minutes ago. In doing so, the pegasus had caught the dragon’s attention.
In a heartbeat, Risea abandoned her friendly mischievous expression, and barred her fangs in a blood-chilling snarl. Before Johnson could react, the dragon had already shifted his far smaller form protectively behind her. Risea then roared and charged straight for Rainbow Dash.
Dash could do nothing but stare wide-eyed at the charging reptile as her wings hung uselessly against her sides and her legs almost refused to move. A mortal terror ran all the way from her head to the tip of her tail.
“DIE, DRAGON SLAYING FILTH! YOUR KIND SHALL NOT DEFILE MY HOME WITH YOUR BLASPHEMOUS PRESENCE!” Risea bellowed, following up with a gout of fire that she blew into the air above them, a show of intimidation and strength against her perceived intruder.
From his location behind her, Sergeant Johnson watched the scenario unfold “Ah, hell!” He stood as tall as he could, and cupped his gloved hands to his mouth. “RISEA, STOP! SHE’S WITH ME! SHE'S THE ONE WHO BROKE MY FALL!”
His words were just barely enough to halt Risea’s otherwise unrelenting charge towards Rainbow Dash. Slowly, the great dragon shifted her stance to glance slightly towards the human, whilst ready to crush the pegasus mare if she tried to make a hostile move.
In turn, Rainbow Dash backed slowly away from the dragon’s massive form, her eyes still widened and her muzzle pulled into a sneer.
“C’mon now...” Johnson said cautiously.
“Avery Johnson, you better explain to me quickly and plainly why you have a member of the race that nearly rendered all of my Dragonkin extinct, before the winged ground-trotter here learns to appreciate fire, the harsh way!!! ”
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Sergeant Major Avery Johnson was in some hot water, or to be more precise, hot snow . Copious amounts of the fine white powder were quickly turning to steam from the body heat of the enraged creature nearby.
Straight in front of him, stood the great ruby-scaled form of Risea, her mouth pulled into a sneer and her massive unfurled wings blotting out the view of the Sun from Johnson’s angle. Behind them, Rainbow Dash had scarcely moved, never taking her eyes off the deadly needle-sharp arrowhead point of the dragon’s tail.
Risea watched the human impatiently with narrowed eyes, hissing in a low and deadly cadence. Johnson held up a hand towards her, ever so cautiously. “The blue-winged horse is with me!” He said, reiterating himself. “We wouldn’t be talking right now were it not for her. I’d probably just be a pancake decorating one of them spiky rocks out here!”
Johnson made a dramatic sweep of the surrounding environment with his arms. The dragon said nothing back, and instead snorted out a plume of smoke in response, indicating for him to continue.
“I don’t know what nasty business your people might have or been having with Rainbow’s people and vice versa, but a Princess by the name of Luna down there told me that some ‘grave threats’ are endangering your world.” Sergeant Johnson then paused to light another cigar, on account of the cold climate. “Now, if its anything nearly as powerful as a legion of alien freaks, than I’m their man for the business of helping to put some of em’ down for good.”
At the mention of Luna, Risea oddly seemed to turn noticeably calmer. Her sneer slid away and her threatening posture diminished slightly. The rate of melting snow around the dragon had also declined significantly as she appeared distant and lost in thought. Risea’s eyes seemed to take on a dreamy quality. “Luna....?” She murmured, peering back towards the shimmering gem horde in her den, ignoring both the pegasus and human. As if in a trance, the dragon inched her face further into the cavern mouth, turning her massive back to them and furling up her wings.
Noticing that the dragon had taken her attention off of him briefly, Johnson jogged around her bulky form and approached Rainbow Dash, snow crunching beneath the heavy foot fall of his boots. Dash’s eyes registered something bordering the obscure area between relief, panic, anger, and frustration as she looked at him.
“Seriously Johnson, do you have a death wish?” The pegasus asked in exasperation. “This dragon is obviously loopy, she must have been up in this cave for Celestia knows how long! I say let’s just take our chances and try to scale down this giant rock, maybe some other pegasi in Canterlot will spot us on the cliffs and get us down!”
Johnson raised an eyebrow. “You know, that could actually work! You got any rappel ropes...any climbing gear?”
“Uhh, well now that I think about it...” Rainbow Dash looked around helplessly.
“Well?” The Sergeant pressed on.
“I...”
Both of the human’s eyebrows were now raised. “I can’t hear you, soldier!”
“No.” She admitted irritably. “But who needs it? Any safety gear beyond goggles and flight suits is for pansies. You have fingers, you could haul me down the rest of the way on your back or something, then we’ll be even!” The Sergeant about spit out his cigar from the surprise of Dash’s words.
He replied back as he coughed up tobacco fumes. “Ach ...very...gah ...funny. That sure would be a comical sight.”
Rainbow glared at him skeptically, shuffling her hooves around and glancing at Risea’s back spikes, each almost the size of a Royal Guard’s spear, restlessly. “So uhh...you’ll actually do it, then?”
“Lady, do I look like a comedian to you?” Dash shook her head. “Do I look like Superman? ” She gave him a confused look. “I didn't think so soldier! I’m mean and I’m green, but even I have my limits. Now enough lip, Shiny-scales is our only way off this snowy hell.”
Johnson put both index fingers to his mouth and whistled at Risea, catching her attention. The dragon continued to glare at Rainbow Dash, and the pegasus was happy to return the favor, but Risea did not have a hostile stance. When she looked at Johnson, her gaze actually fell neutral.
“Avery Johnson.” Her silken voice echoed across the crags, boulders, and cliff faces, carrying all the way out to the vast horizon. “You should have mentioned you had made contact with Princess Luna. I had feared her still trapped within that accursed moon by her foolish sister. If you have indeed made dialogue with her, then that must mean she has been freed.”
Cigar still in mouth, Johnson neared Risea’s snout, much to Dash’s alarm. He folded his arms and gazed stoically up at her. “Yeah, and from her tone of voice and word choice, I’d say plenty of good people must be down there fighting and getting hurt against something, and if I can help in anyway, I need to be down there, ma’am.”
The ancient dragon blinked once at him, then replied, “Hmm, and what of the pegasi? ” The word was like spoiled meat to Risea as she uttered it. Nevertheless, she continued on.
“Are they not the supreme warriors of Equestria?” At Johnson’s side, Rainbow Dash nodded slowly, reluctant to acquiesce that her potential enemy was correct. “And what of the unicorns with their precious magics, and the earth ponies and their famed strength? Aren't they sufficient to keep their own realms safe?”
To this, Johnson could only shrug. “Hell if I know....” That was when a thought crossed his mind.
Quickly recovering, he then pointed a finger at her in an as-a-matter-of-fact gesture. “...but what I do know is this: No matter how strong, proud, or mean they can be...folks still need heroes from time to time. Something to give em’ hope. Now Luna has apparently assumed that I fit the bill for the job. But by god if I don’t, then I’ll make it my point to track down the suckers who are!”
Johnson finished the cigar and tossed it to the ground, where it melted snow with a barely audible hiss. “Now, I’m not gonna pretend I know about your beef with the pegasi or what you may have been through; I’m not gonna say that I know how long you’ve been up here, cut off from your loved ones.”
The ruby-scaled dragon blinked at him once more, twice in succession this time, apparently weighing the worth of the human’s words.
“But right now, you could potentially be doing a service to the world at large, all it takes is for you to show a little damn tolerance for those ya don’t like or may mistrust in the face of a common enemy. Trust me, I’ve been forced to work with my former enemies to save the day before, I know what it’s like. But in the end, doing it makes everyone happy.”
He finished by casually stomping his boot into the remaining snow on the slick stone platform. “Trust me on this one too: you’ll like me when I’m happy!” Johnson flashed a toothy grin at the dragon.
For the first time since seeing Rainbow Dash, Risea chuckled. “Your words have stirred me, little one. If the world is as truly under threat as you and say, then on Luna’s honor I will assist you off of my mountain. Do not expect any more than that from me, however. I have retreated from worldly affairs for very specific reasons.”
Risea unfurled her wings and strode past Johnson and Rainbow Dash towards the platform edge with thundering footsteps. She let out a deep, loud sigh as she looked out over the land beyond, as well as the distant battlements and spires of Canterlot that beckoned below through mountain mists. “I will overlook the winged ground-trotter’s presence just this once.”
“Hey, I’ve got nothing against dragons, unless you give me a reason to!” Dash shouted at her.
Cerulean eyes turned to bore into the magenta of Rainbow Dash’s own. “You are lucky to have a being so similar to that of the Legendary People of old as your companion, kin-of-dragon-slayers. His words have just secured you safe passage, so long as you keep your accursed wings at your sides.”
The rainbow-maned pegasus rolled her eyes, now mostly devoid of any fear of the dragon. “Ugh, sure.” Rainbow Dash tried to lift one of them in demonstration, and grimaced in pain. “No worries there.”
Risea nodded firmly at her, and then lowered a wing for them to climb onto. “Ya senile old bag of scales.” Rainbow concluded under her breath, following after Johnson.
“I may be over a millennium old, ground-trotter, but I am still in my adolescence . My hearing is as sensitive as fifty birds of prey.” Risea retorted as she rolled her shoulders and shifted her wings into position. On her back, Rainbow Dash broke into a scowl, and Johnson nearly fell off as his laughter intensified.
“PREPARE YOURSELVES! We are descending to Canterlot, and no further!” The dragon declared, strutting towards the edge.“You might want to hold onto something.” Risea warned mischievously, as she bounded off the slick platform in a heartbeat.
“CRAAAPPPP! ” Johnson roared as he was just barely able to grasp hold onto one of the dragon’s back spikes. “This certainly beats the numerous times I been in a crashing pelican!” He remarked. “Damn were those things shot down so many friggin times!”
“Considering we’re riding on a dragon, this is SO FREAKING AWESOME! ” Rainbow cried out with foal-like glee. The frigid wind was whipping through her multi-colored mane almost comically. At any higher of an altitude, goggles would have been assuredly required to prevent damages to a flier’s eyes.
At their speed, Risea had gotten them near enough to make out the Castle and highest towers of Canterlot in only two minutes. In another three, they were already hovering above the Castle Gardens.
Given their position, almost the entire capital city could see them.
As an inevitable result, several pegasi and unicorn guards were screaming at the tops of their lungs about an invasion or a dragon raid. War horns were being blown, stray aristocrats and other civilians were scattering in the winds like leaves, and ranks of Royal Guards were already forming up a defensive perimeter around the gardens and the walls towering over them.
Unicorns stood in orderly ranks of five stallions to each section of battlement, crossbows, javelins, and spells at the ready. A swarm of pegasi guards flew around the dragon, aiming crossbows and flintlock pistols, and drawing out wing blades from their sheaths at their sides. On the ground, a massive contingent of cannons, ballistas, and dozens of flintlock rifle-wielding earth ponies aimed up at Risea’s towering form. Others affixed bayonets to the edge of their muskets and lined them up towards her like spears.
In response to their show of military defiance, the wind currents generating by Risea’s undulating wings nearly blew many of the guards off their hooves, and many more still to nearly lose their crested helmets. The dragon growled quietly as the sun glinted off the vast array of gold and silver armor around her and reflected back into her eyes. The pegasi buzzing around her like flies threatened to throw her over the edge, but for the sake of her two riders, Risea kept tranquil for now.
Finally, after several tense moments of both sides exchanging wary glances, the ruby dragon landed. The force of her impact caused dozens of guards near her to stumble back and cry out.
Impatiently, a royal pegasus guard in rather distinctive gold armor with elaborate violet and silver trim stamped his hoof loudly as he emerged from the crowd of earth ponies. His coat was a rusty orange and his mane was blue judging by the crest atop his helmet. In one hoof he held a musket by its weirdly-designed stock and trigger housing over his shoulder. In the membranes of his wing on his opposite side, he grasped what appeared to be a scroll.
As Risea glared at the handsomely armored pegasus, Johnson gawked around at the strangely antiquated weapons, and their even stranger-looking wielders. On the other side of the spectrum of things, Rainbow Dash appeared as if she wanted to simply fly as far away from Canterlot as she possibly could.
Clearing his throat in a dramatic fashion, the pegasus finally addressed the unlikely trio. He spoke in a refined Canterlot accent that he had obviously been trained to use. “In the name of the Princesses, I Flash Sentry, Captain of the Royal Guard of Canterlot and a consultant within Her Majesty Princess Celestia’s Army, etcetera, etcetera, hereby query of thee, what is your purpose for intruding upon our fair city, dragon?”
With a low rumble in her throat, Risea replied’ “I am here to deliver unto you the hero your Princess Luna has summoned to our world, winged ground-trotter. Nothing more.”
“And that...would be me! ” Johnson declared, jumping off the dragon’s side with a quick grunt. Rainbow Dash followed closely behind him, taking a neutral position away from either the dragon or any of the guards.
Flash Sentry beheld the sight of the human in his UNSC-issued BDU, heavy boots, and bemused grin. Sentry frowned at him in confusion. “I...don’t understand. There was no mention of any hero of any kind being summoned by anyone in the Court.”
“That is because, fair Captain, it is all under our jurisdiction, not the Guard’s.” A regal voice declared from a nearby entryway. Everyone turned their heads towards it. The sunlight gleamed brilliantly on the ground in sharp contrast to the newcomer and her midnight-colored fur as she and her Night Guards made their way past the artillery towards where Johnson and the others stood. If the appearances of Rainbow Dash and the denizens of Canterlot were enough to make Sergeant Johnson gawk and stare in confusion, the appearance of the alicorn now approaching made his jaw nearly drop to the floor. His cigar, another one he had managed to light sometime on their flight to the city, fell from his mouth to the flagstones.
“Good day to you, Sergeant Major Avery Johnson.” Princess Luna greeted with a warm smile. The Princess of the Night’s smile formed into a grin as she took in the human’s facial expression. “What dost thou think of our true form then?”
After a few more seconds of awkward gawking, Johnson finally replied, “Your hair...your, your mane...IT FRIGGIN FLOATS! ” He exclaimed in astonishment, picking his cigar back up and brushing it off. “Where can I get hair like that?”
Luna giggled mischievously back at him. “Oh? Pray tell, that is the strangest thing about us you’ve seen all day? Our flowing mane? ” She trotted closer to him and held out a hoof. “Allow us to formally introduce ourselves.” Johnson used one arm to put the cigar back in his mouth, and the other to shake Luna’s hoof, chuckling all the while as she continued her introduction.
“You stand before Princess Luna, Diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria. We rule these lands...” Luna gestured towards everything around her with her other foreleg. “...alongside our sister, the Princess of the Sun, Celestia.”
Smiling back at her, Johnson broke his grip with Luna’s hoof. “It’s a pleasure, Princess, a darn pleasure.” Still smiling, Johnson turned in Risea’s direction. “Well what do ya know Risea, I’ve been in the presence of royalty, two times in one day!” Risea remained silent as she looked first to him, then training her gaze on Luna, before replying.
“She is more royal than I. It is an honor to be in your presence once again after so long, oh great daughter of the night.” The dragon proclaimed, inclining her head slightly to convey her respects.
The Princess noted the dragon’s focus on her, and Luna turned to bear her regal gaze upon Risea’s red reptilian face. “Dost thou know us personally from somewhere, fire-breather most fair?” She inquired with curiosity. “My memory jars me, dragon Risea.”
Risea gazed around at the Guards with distaste, then looked back to Luna with a knowing smile. “I remember you , Princess Luna, but you do not remember me .” At that, the massive dragon immediately spread her wings and began to take flight. “Until next our paths cross, Avery Johnson.” She called out.
Johnson waved at her as she went. “Later, shiny-scales!” She roared back in reply to him.
Suddenly, Flash Sentry stirred into motion, beckoning to catch Luna’s attention. “Your Majesty, should we....Umm, she’s getting away! Do we have to...”
A single hoof raised in the air cut his sputtering short. “Nay, Captain Sentry. Put all of your guards at ease. The dragon is of no threat to us.” Luna then looked to the earth ponies and their artillery nearby. “And get the Army contingent back into thine garrison. Such a massive display of force is an unbecoming way to greet our fine guests!”
“Erm, yes of course, Your Highness.” Sentry bowed, and with a single shout, the defenders immediately began cleaning up and filing out. Only the Princess’ Night Guards held position at her sides. Luna sighed, satisfied, then finally noticed Rainbow Dash staring at them nearby.
“Hail, Rainbow Dash! What brings thee to Canterlot?”
Dash’s eyes widened as all attention was drawn to her. Bowing her head curtly, she responded, “Oh, hiya Your Majesty!” Rainbow Dash chuckled nervously.
“Were you tagging along with Sergeant Johnson on his journey here?” Luna asked with her brow raised inquisitively.
Rainbow continued her nervous laugh. “Umm, yeah about that... It’s a long story...”
“We are listening...” Luna began.
“I kinda...hurt my wings carrying something heavy. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Luna looked to the pegasus with concern. “Rainbow Dash, you are a friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle. As such, you need not ask if you require medical attention for any reason!”
“Uhh, no it’s not...Its just that...I can fly now, it should be good in a few days.” Rainbow replied, sputtering and downplaying her injuries. She was now hovering in the air with a little difficulty as Luna and Johnson both stared at her with bizarre faces. Rainbow pointed a hoof over her shoulder. “I uh, I gotta go now Your Majesty, if ya don’t mind.”
“We don’t...mind. ” Luna replied slowly and awkwardly.
Rainbow Dash smiled at both of them and she gave a brief waved to the Sergeant. “I’ll see you around, Johnson. Feel free to look me and my friends up if you’re ever around Ponyville, I’m sure Pinkie Pie would get a kick out of ya!” Johnson took a puff of his cigar and waved back as Rainbow got ready to go.
“Will do Rainbow. Keep your eyes sharp in the skies, soldier!” Dash saluted him before zooming off.
Watching the retreating forms of Risea and Rainbow Dash above them, Luna looked to Johnson with a bemused expression as the midday sun continued to shine brightly over them. In the surrounding area, guards went about their work, and the occasional aristocrat decided it was safe enough to resume their stroll or meetings with one another.
“Just what happened up there on the summit? Thou hath managed to defeat a fire breather not with sword but with wit and tongue alone , Sergeant Johnson? And I see you’ve made some friends here already. We've just met, and already you are proving quite resourceful.” Luna proclaimed with astonishment.
Sergeant Johnson put a hand to his hip, and used the other to rub at his head. “Yeah, it comes with my trade I suppose.” His latest cigar finally burned out and he then fumbled for a new one in one of his pouches.
“Ah damn, that was ma last one! Oh, and they’re just acquaintances by the way, although on the battlefield, the line between buddy and stranger can become quite blurry at times, especially when one’s a friggin dragon, and the other is a pony with wings! Which reminds me...”
Luna smiled at him, but this time, hiding behind it lied a thick fog of worry. “You would like to know now why we called you here, why we chose to preserve your essence and reconstruct it in our world, correct?” Smiling, he pointed the spent cigar at her, then flicked it onto the flagstones.
“Bingo, Princess.”
The Princess of the Night nodded, and motioned with her hoof towards the door she and her guards had just entered through. “Come, I will explain everything to you in the Royal Archives after we have introduced you to our sister.”
Flanked by both bat-winged Night Guards, Luna and Johnson made their way into the Palace. Passing by Captain Flash Sentry, the pegasus smiled at Johnson, and in his normal-non Canterlot voice said, “Hey, where can I get some awesome armor like yours?”
Johnson chuckled, only glancing at him for a moment. “Get to Mars, soldier. See a Misriah Armory representative, they should be able to suit you up in some of the finest, snazziest combat armor in the ‘verse.” He chuckled again, as Sentry sat and watched him go with nothing but pure confusion and astonishment etched on his face.
As they entered the building, Johnson took a look at the bat-pony guards who were beside him and the Princess. Within easy reach of their wings, were twin flintlock pistols with a ebony stocks strapped in holsters. Beside each pistol was a small wing blade shaped similarly to a bat’s own wings.
“Nice wings and guns, gentlemen.” He remarked. Both were silent, but nodded politely at him. He was also about to comment on the sheer lavishness of the inside of the Castle, but they soon entered into a room and the inhabitants within cut his words short. Another alicorn, taller than Luna with a white coat smiled warmly as the two entered.
“Hello Luna. Oh, and you must Avery Johnson! It is a sincere privilege to be in such pleasant company as yourself, Sergeant Major.” She proclaimed, approaching him with genuine interest. “As I’m sure you know by now, I am Princess Celestia.”
Still not quite use to the rather otherworldly nature of the Princesses, Johnson couldn’t help but feel some shards of awe at the appearance of Celestia. The awe was especially overwhelming when one was viewing both sisters at once. Kicking in his Marine discipline to contain his own awe, Johnson put on a largely serious face and folded his arms behind his back.
“The pleasure is all mine, ma’am. It’s a damn fine honor to be alive and kicking again!” Luna grinned at him, and Celestia’s warm smile was unchanged as she continued to analyze the human. “So, to feed my stingy sense of self-curiosity, just where , or what , do you two know me from?”
Celestia sighed and closed her eyes, while Luna’s pleasant gaze hardened as she produced a small object from the table next to her with the cobalt aura of her telekinesis. To Johnson’s mortification, it resembled a human skull. Luna levitated it closer to Johnson, tilting the crown of the skull towards him and revealing a symbol carved into the thick of the bone.
“Is that a... Does that symbol represent a strand of DNA? ” Johnson inquired. Celestia nodded, and ignited her horn, creating an image of something tall and, for Johnson, quite ridiculous looking. The creature had a serpentine body with various mismatched limbs.
“What the hell is that?”
“This, is a creature known as a Draconequus. To be more specific, Discord: self-proclaimed ‘Master of Chaos’.” Celestia explained. “He was responsible for plunging this world into chaos and misery over a millennium ago.”
Luna then stepped in. “Until very recently, we had thought him reformed after Fluttershy, a friend of your acquaintance Rainbow Dash, convinced him of the worthiness of our land in its current harmonious state. But that was before this! ” She motioned a hoof towards the strange skull.
Johnson scoffed, eager to get to the point. “So, what about this skull? What’s a human noggin’ doing in a dimension separate from mine? I assume no humans live here, do they? I haven’t seen any running around.”
“Not that we know of at all, Sergeant. Although...there are old tales of a long-lost species with bone structures said to resemble this skull. The Legendary Folk they were called. But, as their name suggests, it's all likely just a myth.” Celestia replied.
“This skull appeared almost at the same time that Discord disappeared two weeks ago, and numerous guards began acting...strange. We found the skull wrapped up in this note, here. It contains information that lead us to you, as well as other clues.” The Princess levitated a small sheet of parchment over to him.
Holding it in his hands, Johnson frowned and read it.
IWHBYD
Attention Dear Princesses Celestia and Luna:
I regret to inform that for personal reasons, (all my own) I must take leave of our originally agreed-upon truce as well as my promise to continue to exist in my ‘reformed’ state.
You see, a grandiose game has been set in motion here on our world by two old friends of mine, and it is far too exciting for a fellow such as I to pass up. Enjoy this rather ‘bony’ token of my affection. A little farewell gift, if you will. You may find it as a ‘skeleton’ key to your hearts. It is also a taste of the ‘grave’ threats to come.
Anyway, jokes aside, expect more of these little buggers to ‘pop up’ from time to time around Equestria. This skull is merely the first piece on the metaphorical game board. My, oh my this should be a hoot!
Oh, and did I forget to mention? To play the game properly, we need someone from outside this world, some poor chap about to bite the dust, a former hero without a cause to fight for any longer! This little beauty of a magical skull, simply called ‘I would have been your daddy’ should help you divine who this individual is. But act quickly, for his time is soon short of his mortal shell! You dear sisters wouldn't want him to die in his world without your intervention and lose the game now, would you?
Time is of the essence, for the game beckons, and the Caesar is only so patient with my shenanigans in Roam before he finally snaps like a twig and does something...diplomatically rash!
Sincerely mine,
-Discord
“What in sweet Auntie Marcille’s name did I just read? It sounds like the guy who wrote this was hopped up on one of them drugs those Grunts used to throw in their methane tanks!” Johnson looked at both alicorns with confusion.
This time, Luna sighed and looked at the floor, while Celestia walked up to a map of the world near one of the many shelves laden with dusty old tomes. “We theorize, Sergeant, that Discord has fled Equestria, and has based himself somewhere in an empire across the ocean to our East.
Pointing a hoof at several chains of islands rimming a medium-sized continent, Celestia continued. “The Roaman Empire, the greatest nation of the zebras...If we can’t find some way to put a stop to whatever Discord and his friends’ insane plans are, the Roaman Caesar will have no other option but to take matters into his own hooves, as Discord tears their lands apart.”
Luna returned her gaze to Johnson, and approached him. “Indeed, the zebras have already closed down thine embassy naught but two days ago, claiming they are urgently needed.”
She the laid a wing on the Sergeant’s armored soldier. “This strange skull lead us to you, Sergeant Johnson. As confusing as it may be, you are somehow needed. For if Equestria and Roam were to go to war, the sheer chaotic energy generated by the fighting would make Discord–and those allied with him, nigh unstoppable. No nation on this world would be able to resist or fight them for long.”
For a while, Johnson was quiet. He stared at Luna’s worried face thoughtfully, pondering all the new information. Finally, after several moments of thick silence, he replied.
“This ‘Discord’, he reminds me of Truth, that cocky bastard . Tell you what, I help you all stop this freak of nature’s activities in Equestria, and you promise to make me a new hat, alright?”
Celestia looked at him incredulously. “That is all that you request from us in return, truly? ”
“Truly. Oh yeah, and get me somewhere cozy to sleep. You do that for me, and the good Sarge will take the gig!”
Luna beamed with delight, much of her worry alleviated for now. “That is wonderful to hear Johnson! But, if you are to for any reason fail to prevent his acts here in Equestria...”
Johnson interjected. “...then we’ll have a war on our hands, I know. If it comes to that, no need to fear Princess. With my knowledge from my many days in the Corps, I can whip up just about any sorry-ass excuse for a group of soldiers, into a proper, ass-kicking machine!”
“Remember, every enemy is tough. But invincible? ” The Sergeant chuckled malevolently. “Well, I've been down that road before. At the end of the day, our big green...” Johnson paused and briefly stared at the armor of Luna’s Nightguards. “Erm...Our big silver-and-gold style, CANNOT BE DEFEATED!”
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 5: I Would Have Been Your Daddy
“Am I right, everybody?”
An awkward silence prevailed throughout the Royal Archives as Johnson looked at both the Princesses and Luna’s Nightguards, waiting for a reaction from them. Celestia’s expression was as unreadable as a blank stone as she simply blinked at him. In a similar fashion, the bat ponies were largely blank and stoic, as befitting their stations. In sharp contrast to either, Luna grinned and quietly stomped her hoof on the marble floor in applause.
Then, Flash Sentry trotted into the room. “Princess Luna, we have cleared the grounds as you req....” Luna ceased her stomping abruptly and looked at him expectantly, while the others stared at him as they had Johnson. The ‘IWHBYD’ skull, once again on the handsome mahogany table next to Celestia, seemed to be grinning at Sentry, even despite it no longer possessing its lower jawbone.
The Captain’s eyes narrowed in confusion as he looked around at the rest of the archive room’s occupants, including the skull. “Why are you guys so quiet?”
Everyone continued to stare at him. Flash Sentry slowly backed away nervously, lifting his right foreleg hesitantly. “Erm, is this the part where I’m supposed to take off my armor seductively and say what a naughty stallion I've been?”
Celestia shook her head and sighed, face hoofing. “No, Captain Sentry. Please, come in! We were just discussing the matter of Discord, the Roaman threat, and the mysterious skulls with Mister Johnson here.” She waved him in and motioned towards the empty floor space next to Sergeant Johnson.
Flash Sentry gulped and nodded, trotting towards the human and sitting on his haunches. Johnson nudged the pegasus playfully, winking at him. “Son, you’ve got one deviant mind. I like it, but don’t get too cocky now.”
Like a child caught with their hoof in the cookie jar, the pegasus nodded at Johnson uncomfortably, then turned his gaze to the world map near Celestia. Johnson shifted his own focus back towards the one object that summed up the matters at hand. Looking to Luna he said, “So, about these skulls, this Discord loony said that they would be appearing all around Equestria, correct?”
Luna replied,“Indeed. Our primary goal now should be locate the whereabouts of the other skulls, preferably prior to, or as they manifest themselves, and collect them before they can cause any major harm.” Johnson nodded slowly, seeing the logic in the Alicorn’s plan. Luna then followed up, and pointed a hoof at Flash Sentry. “Captain, are your unicorn battlemages fully rested and prepared to begin their telepathic forecast for any future skull appearances?”
“Only barely so, Your Highness.” Sentry responded with a hint of despair creeping into his voice. “Many are still tired from preventing the effects of this mere skull from overwhelming everyone in the castle.”
“Maybe they just need to raise their Alteration Skill to seventy five, so that they can unlock the perks that allow the spells to consume less magicka.” One of the Nightguards remarked, before slamming a hoof to his muzzle in shock.
“We beg your pardon? What dost thou mean?” Luna asked with her ears tilted at an odd angle and her brow raised.
“I....I have far too much free time on my hooves, my lady.” The flustered Nightguard replied.
His comrade nearly broke his own stoic facade, resisting the desire to face-hoof at such a blatant breach of Guard protocol. The bat pony’s own hidden frustration only mounted, as he could already sense a random comment threatening to burst out from his lips any moment now.
Luna looked both guards over with a disturbed expression, then returned her attention to Sentry and Johnson, whose feelings on the skull’s effects were mutual. Next to her, Celestia looked around the room, her eyes repeatedly drawn to the weird skull and then back again.
“My sister, could you perhaps lend your magic in locating the other skulls?”
Not looking at Luna, Celestia bluntly replied in a dreamy tone, “Nope.” The Princess’ body language gave no indication that the matter was up for debate.
Clearing her throat awkwardly, Luna continued. Her ears were now flattened at her sister’s sudden change of behavior. “Well then, if we may continue. If we cannot rely on our unicorn mages and wizards, or even Tia’s magical prowess to track Discord’s activities, then to more risky and draconian measures, we must resort. Johnson, may I suggest that you perhaps...try to interact with the skull?”
As Celestia herself continued to stare at the skull almost absentmindedly, Johnson gave the grinning bone a cursory glance, then looked to the younger alicorn skeptically. “Why exactly, do you want me to touch that creepy thing? I’m not anything like one of them headhunting types, ya know.”
In response, Luna frowned thoughtfully and rubbed the polished floor with a hoof. “Where to begin? Ah yes, the skull was what made your arrival here a reality, and it seems to have some kind of profound connection to you, almost as if it’s drawn to you.”
Johnson grinned for a moment. “Yeah, I’m familiar with that type of business.”
“That, and the skull resembles the bone structure of your species’ almost exactly, if your personal physical form is to be used as a point of reference in this matter. So, will you help us and try to interact with it, perhaps learning some of its secrets in the process?”
Still grinning, Johnson’s skepticism gave way to his own budding curiosity towards the skull. “Why the hell not? Just give me a second, and then I’ll give its shiny dome a good rubbing, maybe a genie will pop out and give us all some wishes.”
“We thank thee, Sergeant Major.” Luna said, bowing her head graciously.
“I wish for some fingers.” The first Nightguard declared, which caused the other bat pony to finally face-hoof.
Under Luna, her strangely-behaving guards, and Flash Sentry’s observation, Johnson cautiously approached the table. He examined the skull again for an extended amount of time, rubbing at his shaven head on at least a few occasions. After a few more seconds transpired, Johnson felt the hairs on his neck stand on end, as he sensed that someone nearby was watching him, closely. The Sergeant looked in the direction of his would-be stalker.
The offender–Princess Celestia–was giving the human a creepy look. After staring at him for a few more ominous seconds, the tall Alicorn said, “I have something else you could possibly give a good rubbing...I reward those who are obedient, greatly. ” Her magenta eyes flew briefly to her horn, then she broke into a fierce blush.
“Your majesty?” Flash Sentry said, completely shocked by his ruler’s sudden change of conduct.
“Tia!” Luna half shouted, half hissed, equally taken aback by her eldest sibling’s quip.
“Celestia have mercy...” The other Nightguard murmured under his breath, staring suggestively at Luna’s flanks, while the first Nightguard raised an eyebrows. Sentry looked to the pair with horror at their conduct.
Wishing he still had at least one emergency Sweet William available, Johnson frowned at Celestia, as she desperately tried to get her normal composure back. “You Equestrians are all crazy.” He mumbled. “Almost too crazy.”
Luna looked at him helplessly, shrugging. Johnson shrugged back in return and then returned focus to the disembodied skeletal head. Looking down at it, the delicate curves of the painstakingly-carved DNA marking on the skull’s crown almost seemed to sing out to Johnson, as if they were desperate to convey some great secret they held to him.
Reaching out a gloved hand tentatively towards the ‘IWHBYD’ skull, Johnson murmured, “Well...here goes nothing then.”
As soon as his hand made contact with the bleach-white enamel surface of the bone, Johnson’s mind was instantly subdued by an unexpectedly powerful flurry of activity that originated from deep within the skull itself. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and everything went black.
The world, and all its inhabitants, swiftly vanished from the Sergeant’s range of mental perception, replaced instead by a cacophony of incomprehensible whispers.
Seeing the human sprawled on his back with his eyes closed, Flash Sentry looked from Johnson’s prone form, then to the Princesses who were gawking in surprise. “Oh good. Somepony, quick! Grab a permanent marker and a camera!”
***
When sensation finally returned to Johnson with spontaneity, the sights he beheld amidst the chorus of mysterious whispers was almost beyond words.
Distorted visions of creatures that resembled pegasi, dragons, and other winged beings flashed before his mind’s eye. The dragons, with immense scaled bodies of multi-hued gold, crimson, jade, and sapphire appeared to be locked in a great struggle against the pegasi. Small, dark humanoid shapes were riding on their backs.
With war cries in a language Johnson had never heard before, the humanoids fired bolts of energy at the pegasi and other winged creatures from the dragons’ saddles, while the pegasi fired back similar projectiles in response. The dragons roared in kind, and spewed out precise streams of fire at the swarms of attacking pegasi, burning some to great effect.
The scene changed again, as the whispering intensified. Both pegasi and dragon alike eventually began to swerve away and break off from one another as if in panic, as new, far more massive beings took to the skies. With scales as black as the void, and teeth like massive slivers of titanium and diamond, a trio of dragon-shaped beasts issued their thunderous booms.
Their roars echoed out from the colossus’ cavernous maws, carrying with them forces great enough in magnitude to trigger avalanches and landslides several leagues away.
Just when the scene seemed as if it could not become more chaotic, one of the humanoid figures shouted something amidst the clamor. Its compatriots’ dragons flew far and fast in the opposite direction of the winged leviathans, while a smaller group actually approached the great beasts, as if to defy them.
The squadrons of gold and silver armor-clad pegasi warriors were nowhere to be scene, having fled to the four winds just as the beasts had arrived.
For a moment, the black-scaled behemoths roared in amusement at their enemy, apparently believing their defiance as mere shows of foolish wasted pride. However, even their mighty roars were drowned out, as the small group of dragons and their mysterious riders suddenly vanished in an immense white light, the luminescence swallowing the forms of the beasts as well.
Reminiscent of his rebirth by Luna’s magics upon his arrival into Equestria, Johnson’s vision was beset by the great piercing light. He mentally grimaced as the light reached a near unbearable rate of brightness, until the lambency became greater even than the Sun itself. After a while, the light dimmed, and Johnson could see only briefly what had followed in its wake.
A miniature star hung still in the sky, brighter than anything around it. It pulsated and shimmered as it slowly faded out, and that was when the sound and heat finally came.
In a titanic thunderclap, it felt as if the universe itself was torn asunder. As he shouted out, Johnson was unable to hear his own voice. All his mind now registered instead was an intense ringing, a burning sensation, and the ever-present whispering, which had now reached a crescendo in the portion of Johnson’s brain that perceives sound. While the voices persisted, the vision faded out back to black, and the intense heat abated.
Finally, a single whisper stood out amongst the clamor of the others. As if acquiescing a secret upon him, the singular voice said, “Lineage confirmed, IWHBYD skull acquired.”
There was a brief pause, while the other voices quieted their chorus. “Collect us all, and the secrets and riches we guard, will be yours.” With that, the voices silenced completely, and Johnson no longer felt entranced by a vision. Rather, he now felt like he was in the midst of normal sleep.
For an untold amount of time, Johnson dreamed of kittens, laser eyes, Sweet Williams, and finally the mysterious skulls, before his own biological alarm clock finally kicked into gear.
***
“AHH! Stop whispering in my ears you bony little bastards!” Sergeant Johnson awoke with a start.
In his rather frantic movement, he had struck himself on the headboard of a rather exquisitely made four poster bed. With a low groan, Johnson pulled himself out of the velvety embrace of the cloud-like blankets and forced himself to stand up and analyze his surroundings, as well as himself.
Johnson soon discovered that he was out of his Marine Corps BDU. He was garbed instead in nothing more than his usual grey-green fatigues, his undershirt, and to his extreme confusion, vastly over sized pink slippers covering his water-proof combat socks. “Did I miss some kind of party?” He asked to himself.
The slippers were obviously designed with hoofed individuals in mind. A cursory look around yielded far more interesting discoveries for the Sergeant Major.
Long gone were the dusty tome-filled shelves and maps of the Royal Archives. Instead, Johnson was greeted by the sight of a handsomely decorated royal suite. Beams of sunshine from the early morning shone through the lavish Prench windows. In addition to the minute sunlight, several ornately crafted oil wall sconces also provided illumination.
An armoire, a chests of drawers, two shelves, a table, and various oil paintings of famous Equestrians dominated the room. The furnishings were made of some of the finest Equestrian oak and mahogany the Princesses’ bits could buy.
Opposite where the stately poster bed met the exterior wall of the suite, a large gilded mirror revealed to Johnson an even more intriguing sight. A dark-haired, six-foot two, light-browned skinned man with exceptional build and dark brown eyes peered back at him awkwardly. His face was rough and weathered from his decades of service, and his upper lip was fringed by stubble, just now threatening to grow into a wild mustache underneath a prominent nose. None of these details were most intriguing about him however.
What did fascinate Johnson, was the noticeable lack of scars, or even the bruises from the Jiralhanae who had held him captive in the citadel back on the Ark. Besides the weathering brought on by his age, his skin was nearly as soft as a newborn’s. That, and the fact that he now had a uni-brow hastily scribbled on his forehead.
Part of it was smudged from an obviously half-assed attempt to wipe the marker residue off. The smudge and the faux uni-brow both disappeared as the skin beneath it started to turn a slight reddish while the Sarge quaked with outrage. Someone was going to pay for this, later down the road.
A few seconds passed, before Johnson set about locating his armor. To his convenience, he found it in the first place he checked, the gold-gilded steamer trunk at the foot of the large bed.
In no time, Johnson had reequipped his green armored vest, pauldrons, gloves, straps, boots, and belt, not necessarily in that order. The only thing obviously missing from his combat ensemble was his trademark hat, but the Sergeant was certain the ponies could solve that problem with their magics, along with his cigar situation.
As he kicked his Command Neural Interface into gear in his head, the familiar shape of his Heads Up Display came into view. With no weapon equipped, his targeting reticle was absent, but his health monitor was online and glowing a friendly blue. Where the shield charge readout meter on a Mark V Mjolnir suit would normally be situated, there was only empty space, for obvious reasons.
For a moment, something weird happened. Johnson said, “What the?” As the HUD suddenly distorted for a second, as a tiny skull icon flashed where the shield meter would be.
“IWHBYD temporarily disabled.” The icon flashed as the voice whispered. “Collect us all.”
“Dammit, I heard you the first time, stop your whispering, it makes me feel dirty! And not in a good way, either.” Johnson said in a slightly raised voice. The skull flashed a final time, then disappeared.
“Finally, peace and quiet.” Johnson sighed and laid back down on the bed with his hands behind his head, admiring the poshness of his surroundings. “Ponies have some pretty fine taste. It certainly beats all that tacky purple. Then them goddamn Hoolahoop-builders and their silver-metal, sharp angles obsession.
While Johnson mused about alien architecture, the door to his room popped open. The form of Princess Luna then slunk into the room. “Sergeant Johnson, art thou awake?”
Looking over at her, he said, “Yep. Ready for action.”
Getting a good look at him, the Princess of the Night looked relieved and smiled warmly. “Ah, tis good. We heard your shout, erm, about the whispers. We heard them from the skull as well, they were the ones who told us to find you.”
“Go figure. They mentioned something about secret riches if I collect them all, something freaky like that. Does this have anything to do with that ten-foot tall lunatic’s threats against Equestria?”
Luna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Hmm, an apt question, Johnson. We are not sure, but it is quite likely. As to how Discord and the skulls are both related, we can only guess at the moment.”
Johnson chuckled, setting his gloved hands on his lap and climbing out of bed once again. “Them skulls are just begging us to start a game of twenty questions.” He rubbed at his still soar head. “How long have I been out, what exactly happened?”
“As soon as you rubbed the top of the skull, it vanished into the thin of the air, and you reeled over backwards drunkenly to the floor before any of us could catch you, Sergeant.”
Concern returned to her face slightly and her ears tilted at an angle. “We brought you in here to rest, and had a physician examine you. While your anatomy is largely a mystery to us, he was able to perform basic tests, and found nothing awry. You have been unconscious since you made contact with the skull.”
“Speaking of which, Johnson, our sister is almost complete with raising the Sun this morning. If you would join us in the throne room, we would like to discuss the matters of where you will be posted, as well as what our contingency plan will be for when more skulls appear.”
“Sure.” Johnson replied.
Luna’s pleasant face hardened into urgency. “We fear today, or any day now, that Equestria could see once such event. And if what we understand about Discord and the skulls are correct...”
“They could appear anytime...” Johnson interjected.
Luna nodded. “...anywhere...”
“...and likely have any number of effects. Let’s go get down to business then, Princess.” The Sergeant finished, frowning sternly.
Luna nodded once more, slowly, and began to take her leave. Johnson accompanied her down the expansive, well decorated hall, nodding to the various guards he passed. All of the Royal Guards thankfully had no off-key comments to make, at least for now.
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
It was the late morning when Johnson had begun to prepare for his journey out of Canterlot to his new post in the heart of the country. Celestia and Luna had been efficient and thorough in explaining what he was to do and the responsibilities they were counting on him to maintain.
Celestia had issued a constant barrage of pointers to the Sergeant about the best ways to communicate and cooperate with the locals, all the while the younger sister had stood by the sidelines, concealing her embarrassment over Celestia’s persistent emphasis on the importance of Johnson making good first impressions, and apologizing to the human soldier silently with her eyes.
After Princess Celestia had finally relented and allowed Johnson leave to take on his duties, Luna had sent him off with a few final brief words and some parting royal gifts. Johnson’s eyes had lit up at the sight of them.
“Sweet Williams? How did you know?” The Sergeant exclaimed cheerfully as he donned a perfect replica of his marine corps hat. He straightened the hat with his thumb so that the UNSC patch aligned perfectly with the bridge of his nose, before taking the brand new cartonful of cigars into his hands.
Luna had smiled and watched amiably as he fumbled with his lighter. “We have no idea what it is about these toxic things you and the earth ponies find so pleasurable, we personally find that they smell as if a pile of manure hath been set ablaze.”
Johnson tilted his head slightly and raised an eyebrow while taking a drag of the fresh cigar. “Yeah, they’re not exactly for everyone. Thank you kindly, Princess.
“Nevertheless, you appear to enjoy them, and it’s the least we could do to express our appreciation for your assistance. Try not to exhaust them all before the end of your journey, won’t you? Tis not as if we can make them regenerate infinitely, Sergeant Major. You will have to find others elsewhere later on somehow.” Luna said.
“Or, perhaps you could build and open your own tobacco plantation.” She added jokingly.
“Aw, and just when I thought I was finally complete.” Johnson replied. He then took the cigar out of his mouth and blew smoke out an open window nearby, then looked to Luna and shrugged.
Then, he approached the alicorn and held out a gloved hand, his face awash with seriousness and gratitude. “I wanted to say thank you again, not just for this...” He waved the cigar around. “But also, all of this... ” He motioned towards himself, and then to everything around him. “It just feels mighty wonderful to be moving around breathing decent air again, even if there aren't anymore dumb bugs to send to hell with the front-end bumper of a ‘hog.”
Luna’s smile turned to a full grin as she placed a hoof in Johnson’s outstretched hand, and the pair shook. “You have no need to thank us. We are simply happy that we have given a worthy hero a second shot at greatness, and helped to ensure the world’s safety, both all at once. For these reasons alone, we are content.”
Both the alicorn and the human nodded respectfully at one another, before finally parting ways.
With everything prepared and ready, and having expressed his gratitude to the Princesses for their hospitality during his brief stay at the castle, Avery Johnson then took his leave of Canterlot, en route to his new destination via train.
***
Around half an hour past as Johnson observed first the retreating form of the city, then the cliffs and tunnels of the mountain slope, and then finally the rolling woods, grassland, and riverbanks of central Equestria.
Being on the ground, and yet in a moving train, Johnson could finally witness in detail the layout and character of the land itself. What he saw took his breath away even more so than when he had seen it from the lofty sky. Looking out the window adjacent to him, the Sergeant witnessed dozens of animal and plant species, quite a few of them were practically identical to various species found on Earth and the colonies.
“That there’s Saddle Lake, Sergeant Major.” A passing earth pony soldier on patrol declared, pausing to look out the window on his side. “The waterfalls of Canterlot feed right into her. Ain't she a beauty?” The stallion had a slightly rural accent to his voice.
“Sure. Looks good enough to swim in, I’ll have to remember that whenever Princess Luna gives me some R&R.” Johnson replied.
The soldier gave him a friendly half smile and nod, before continuing on his patrol, whistling a tune. Returning his gaze to the window, the sights of nature combined with the quiet clatter of the track pushed him into a mental vacation.
I can’t say I’m surprised the inhabitants of a place like this would have magic. Hell, this place almost puts the whole beauty of Coral, Harvest, Arcadia, and Reach combined to shame!
Johnson scoffed at the thought as he pondered it again. On second thought, this place ain’t got nothing on the Great Blue Marble. As far as I’m concerned, Earth and here are in a dead-lock tie for prettiest planet of the year. Ah, but the Earth, that old girl is beautiful for more reasons than just geography.
Seeing as how I’ll probably never see Earth again, I might as well find new vacation prospects here for my future down time. I wonder if any of the ponies in the next town listen to Flip music. If so we’re gonna get along just fine.
The Sergeant broke out of his musing when the train jolted suddenly without any prior warning, shaking him in his seat. No longer daydreaming, he decided to review what the Princesses had told him, to help pass the time.
Reaching into one of his largest pouches, he produced a rolled up piece of parchment. Johnson broke the wax seal with the blade of his combat knife and analyzed its contents.
As per the document, he has been instructed to report to the youngest of Equestria’s alicorns, Twilight Sparkle. Ponyville, being in the heartlands of Equestria and within convenient distance to Canterlot, would be his default posting while on the lookout for potential military threats, skull manifestations that were certainly an inevitability, and any other strange phenomena that could be a potential danger to the country.
Twilight, the document said, was to provide a safe house or headquarters of sorts for Johnson to operate from, ensure he has whatever materials he might need, and that he and the local citizens were cooperating to the best of their ability to help counter Discord’s activities, regardless of what form that may take.
In return, Johnson had to be ready to help mobilize Equestria’s military at a moment’s notice in case of a perceived or very-real threat from the Zebras in Roam. Additionally, it was the Sergeant’s responsibility to help locate and contain active skulls, and to assist Princess Sparkle in keeping the town’s Army garrison at peak combat readiness.
One additional note Celestia had added in read: ‘Try to make some friends and allies as soon as possible, it will help you settle in faster. Friendship can be a very potent force. Good luck to you Sergeant.’
Luna furthered the note by having added: ‘Thou shalt enjoy thy selves as well! Overworking can instigate fatigue, which can be a grievous weakness in any army, as you should know! Stay vigilant, but don’t be afraid to make merry with our subjects from time to time. Lastly, be wary when in midst of the one called Pinkie Pie! She is a bit of an...eccentric.’
Finished reading, Johnson raised an eyebrow at the final part of Luna’s note, then chanced a look around the passenger car. Flash Sentry, whom had accompanied Johnson on his way to his new posting, had his back to the human, presumably daydreaming himself. In the seats nearby, a small contingent of Royal Guards chatted quietly with one another.
“So, Mister Sentry.” Sergeant Johnson said suddenly as he reclined semi-professionally in the fine velvet upholstery of his seat. “How long have you been in Equestria’s Royal Guard?”
Flash Sentry, who like Johnson had been gazing out the windows for a significant portion of the journey, turned to look at him. He curled his mouth into a small smile. “Ah yes, my career. I’m pleased to know that someone such as yourself is curious about my modest background.” Captain Sentry sighed nostalgically and stared into space as his memory kicked into gear.
“Not much to tell. I was born to a moderately successful middle class family in Canterlot. Mom is a blacksmith and jeweler by trade, Dad a tailor, and most of my brothers are guardsponies and soldiers, so I figured I’d follow in their hoofsteps. ‘Been in the guard for nigh five years now. I started lessons at the Canterlot Officer Academy when I was ten, got enrolled in basic at fifteen, and then got officially inducted into the ranks as an honorary guard at seventeen, youngest of my class.”
He spoke with a hint of pride in his voice. “I was appointed captain of the Guard after the previous one, Shining Armor, the older brother of Princess Twilight Sparkle, took leave to live in the Crystal Empire far in the North with his wife Princess Cadence. Such a beautiful place, I might add. Quite unlike the snowy polar wastes surrounding it.”
Johnson took the information in with genuine interest. This was the first time he had ever heard anything in detail regarding the lives of Equestrians. “You have any combat experience?” Johnson inquired.
Sentry nodded, running one of his hooves thoughtfully over the stock of his rifle-musket. “I’ve witnessed and fought in a few major incidents. Three years ago: a minor land dispute between some miners and a Diamond Dog clan in the sticks outside the city of Fillydelphia. Luckily, the dogs wizened up and left when they saw the Royal Guard and the Army marching.”
Hearing the name of the city, it sounded oddly familiar to Johnson, like a certain city he knew to exist on Earth. He filed the odd bit of trivia away for future reference.
The Captain’s face orange-coated face twisted slightly in sadness. “Turns out that the ‘miners’ though, were all actually a group of unicorn anarchists from the nation of Bauhaus, illegally acquiring gems to fund a rebellion of theirs back overseas. That’s near Prance, Griffonia, and Trottingham, which are all over two thousand miles to the Northeast...all the way across the Crystal Ocean. We had to clean them scum out of the mines with explosives, lost a few damn good ponies in the process.”
“And then there was the Changeling Invasion of Canterlot a year and a half ago, that’s where most of my field experience originates, and where I earned Shining Armor’s blessing to be his successor. By Celestia, you should have seen the swarms of those insect-like monsters! I could have sworn they would have blotted out the Sun if the The Elements of Harmony hadn’t stopped them and their evil Queen in time.”
“Don’t worry Captain, I’ve fought through my fair share of freak swarms.” Johnson replied with absolute certainty in his voice. “I can easily imagine what your describing, and then some.” Based on his facial expression and eyes, Sentry was willing to bet half his month’s pay that the human was making far more than a mere understatement.
“I can definitely believe it, Sergeant Major.” Sentry replied.
At that, the Sergeant jumped to a different thought. “Elements of Harmony? Hmm...Elements of Harmony.” Johnson rubbed his chin. “Aren’t those the six ponies I’m supposed to meet with in the next town?”
Sentry set his rifle down on the empty seat next to him and moved from sitting on his haunches to laying down and reclining. Not the greatest lover of travelling in the world, he was starting to develop train lag, and was feeling weary. “Yes, actually. The main one of their circle is actually the local ruler of the town and its environs now. She will be meeting with you when we arrive in Ponyville.”
“Princess Twilight Sparkle?”
“The very same.”
In astonishment, Johnson got up out of his seat and folded his arms over his chest. “I’ve been in this world for only two days, and already I’ve met–and are heading to meet–two, three, four . Four royal people?!”
“So it would seem.” Sentry replied with a yawn.
“Who are the other five then?” Looking down as he asked, Johnson noticed the tip of a black felt marker sticking out of one of Flash’s bags next to his rifle.
“Hmm, that would have to be the mares Fluttershy, a miss Pinkamena Diane Pie...Pinkie Pie for short, if I recall correctly. Then there’s Applejack, Rarity, and finally Rainbow Dash.”
“Rainbow Dash? Huh, what do ya know? She’s actually the first of you ponies I met in the flesh. That girl has got one fiery temper, and is a bit on the cocky side, but I sense the potential for a war hero in that one. Believe me, I can smell soldier material from a mile away...among other things.”
“That’s right, I saw her with you on that damn dragon that you flew in on! Nice entrance, Sergeant Major. You about gave me and the Army generals all heart attacks.” Sentry replied with mock irritability.
“Maybe you all just need to lay off the chocolate pound cake-rations then.” Johnson jeered.
“Actually, we discontinued cakes and pastries of all kinds from the military food supply, sometime ago. Our own Princess kept sneaking into the Army kitchens and eating entire boxes of them.” Flash retorted with a lazy chuckle. “Of course, being one of the Diarchs, we obviously couldn’t arrest her for it, and it kept on happening despite her royal promises that she would try to control herself in the future, so....yeah.”
“Which Princess was this?” Johnson asked incredulously.
“Celestia.” The Captain mumbled back. He laid his head on his seat, eyelids growing heavy.
The Sergeant grinned. “Well ain’t that something.”
Flash Sentry did not respond this time, letting out a single loud snore as he instantly fell into a cat nap. Checking for sure that the stallion was asleep, Johnson grinned and fished out the marker from the pegasus’ bag. Raising it, the marine brought the writing utensil silently towards Sentry’s snoring face.
“Payback for earlier, jackass. ” He whispered mischievously. Seeing that his work was complete, Johnson put the marker carefully back where it had been found, and then casually walked out towards the middle cars, where the train’s restaurant could be found. The other Royal Guards had noticed his prank, and secretly knew why Johnson had done it.
They watched the Sergeant go indifferently, then snickered quietly amongst themselves as they looked back over to stare at their Captain’s face.
Two plates of stacked pancakes with maple syrup and three coffees later, Sergeant Johnson looked out the café window and noticed the buildings of Ponyville beginning to appear beyond the railroad bridge spanning the town’s narrow river, which originated at Saddle Lake, the direction he had come from.
While a few of the other passengers had looked at him curiously for being a non-pony, the vast majority either paid as much attention to him as they did the other passengers, or instinctively saluted or nodded respectfully at him when they noticed the armor he was wearing. All in all, things were going quite well for Avery Johnson as he gathered his things from his portion of the passenger car and made his way out. The train had at last, finally arrived at the Ponyville Central Station.
***
Stepping out onto the platform, Sergeant Johnson was immediately surrounded by the hustle and bustle of Ponyville at its busiest. Dozens of ponies were hurrying to board or get off. Many had business in Canterlot or Ponyville, while some others were tourists and sightseers. A few still, were there simply using the station's open spaces as a spot to lay back and have a coffee or tea and chat with friends, sharing the news and gossip of the day.
In a few specific places, Equestrian soldiers and Royal Guards from the train marched about or stood in place, spears and muskets held in neutral positions, surveying the areas like birds of prey.
For Johnson, the entire area had a strange scent. It was a half-sweet, half-bitter mix of flowers, mare’s perfumes, oil lubricant, and steam engine fumes. The whistle of the train blew several times, loud but unable to match the combined volume of the vast number of Equestrians talking at once.
Looking about the crowded platform, Johnson was looking for one of two things: the nearest information desk, or Princess Twilight and her retinue that was supposed to meet him upon arrival.
As he wandered about with his hat in his palm and the other rubbing at his head, Johnson caught tid-bits of some of the commuters’ conversations. Many of the higher class ponies seemed focused on Equestrian politics and diplomacy.
“Did you hear what the Royal Court announced today? They said that the situation in Roam is getting worse.”
“That’s nothing. I heard a rumor that the Caesar might secretly be a distant cousin of Her Majesty Celestia, and Discord is trying to cause an international war to humiliate both monarchs over some secret grudge he has with their families.”
“Oh chaps, the whole Zebra-Discord affair may be all well and dandy, but what about the recent odd behavior of the guards in Canterlot Castle?”
From the more ordinary citizens, Johnson was still able to pick up other interesting bits of news from the land, arguably more interesting than those from the aristocrats.
“Hey, hey Crescent! Did ya hear about that new type of firearm Princess Sparkle’s unicorns are working on over at her workshop? They say you can fire six to eight shots before having to reload, and it even uses conical bullets! The loading mechanism is lever action, like a crossbow.”
“Apparently, some archaeologists stumbled upon some kind of ruins in the swamps near the Badlands. They say they might date back to the time of Discord’s rule, or perhaps earlier.”
“You think it might be from the Legendary Folk? Or...or the lost cities of Atlantis and Pegasopolis perhaps?”
“Look Derpy, I think you may have been reading too many Daring-Do novels. Everyone knows those are just myths.”
“I’m telling you, stay away from Sugar Cube Corner, unless you have the patience of a stone! The Cakes aren't being their usual selves, and that Pinkie Pie girl has been acting all crazy, crazier than normal! All that darn colorful confetti....”
“IWHBYD inactive. Birthday Party Skull nearby.” The skull icon appeared in the corner of Johnson's vision, much like it had earlier that same morning.
Sergeant Johnson froze in an instant, holding a hand to his head in shock. The whispering voice had returned. “Oh c’mon... Give an old sergeant a break will ya?” Feeling dizzy with a slight headache, Johnson took a seat at the closest bench. His number one priority now was to find Twilight Sparkle as soon as humanly possible. From what Johnson could gather, the Princess was also a scientist and wizard. She would likely know how to cure the effects of the skulls on his mind and body.
“Birthday Party Skull nearby.” The whispering voice repeated. Johnson felt like shouting out in annoyance, but simply stared at the ground, rubbing his forehead irritably.
A loud sneeze brought his attention back up to his surroundings. To the human’s utter surprise, a mare with a bright pink coat and vibrant blue eyes stood uncomfortably close to his face. Johnson looked down again, and discovered his lap to be covered in a large amount of colorful confetti, like one would find at a child’s birthday party.
He quickly snapped his attention back to the pony, his face contorted in shock. “What the hell....?”
“Hi there! I’m Pinkie Pie!” The party pony continued to stand in front of him, grinning sweetly and awaiting his response. Johnson was silent for awhile, slowly changing from shock to casual surprise. Pinkie Pie suddenly sneezed again, covering a nearby wall in confetti. She giggled each time it occurred.
A few passing commuters flashed Pinkie Pie and Johnson bizarre looks.
Before Johnson could reply to Pinkie Pie in kind, he was cut off by the sudden arrival of Flash Sentry and a company of Royal Guards, the same ones Johnson had seen earlier.
“Sergeant Johnson? Where were you? We were supposed to escort you to see Princess Sparkle." Sentry had begun to use his posh Canterlot accent once again, on account of the massive amount of civilians around him. "She just told us via communication spell that she can’t make it here to welcome you to Ponyville, on account of an ongoing incident in one of the town’s local businesses...a bakery I believe.”
Flash Sentry looked from Johnson to Pinkie Pie. “Ah, hello Miss Pie, how convenient! You're one of the six ponies we're looking for. Having a lovely day I hope?” Sentry cleared his throat, and looked to the Sergeant. “Shall we take our leave of the station and go to see Her Majesty, Sergeant Major?”
It was then that Sentry finally noticed everyone staring silently at him. The pegasus scowled in outrage. “Oh brother! What is it this time?”
“Weird day, but a lovely one Mister Sentry, thanks for asking!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, unfazed by the guardspony's sudden bout of anger. She pointed a hoof at his face, and he narrowed his eyes in confusion. “That’s a funny looking black mustache you have there Flashie! I thought your mane was blue!”
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 7: Pinkie Pie's 'Party' Problem
“Ugh, I beg your pardon? Miss Pie, what are you talking about? Of course it’s blue, and I don’t have a...” Flash Sentry’s rapid stammering ceased to an abrupt halt.
Pinkie Pie, still slightly invading Sergeant Johnson’s personal space, had her head tilted at Flash Sentry and a sweet smile on her face, slightly perplexed at his appearance. Johnson himself had a grin slowly spreading across his normally serious face, and seemed to have temporarily recovered from the pink-colored stranger’s sudden, confetti-laden greeting.
At Sentry’s side, his own guardsponies burst out laughing, dropping their weapons and falling to the grey flagstone floor of the station platform. The stallions rolled around on their backs, clutching their stomachs and quivering with mirth. Their faces were alight with a childlike glee.
Passing commuters swerved to avoid them all, murmuring words of bemusement, annoyance, and outrage as they passed. The entirety of the theatrics was enough, and Flash Sentry was able to put two and two together. His sapphire eyes widened as he peered at Johnson.
Still grinning, Johnson pointed to a tiny smudge of permanent marker still lingering near his right eye, in the upper left corner.
“How did you find out it was me? ” Sentry blurted out, ditching his posh Canterlot accent in an instant. Flash Sentry’s own face betrayed him, turning a deep crimson color beneath his coat of fur.
Johnson joined in the guards’ laugh at Sentry’s expense, then folded his arms nonchalantly. “You should learn to cover your own tracks a little better, Captain.”
“Hey...c’mon, it was the skull’s fault, alright?”
The skull icon appeared in the corner periphery of Johnson’s vision again. “The pegasus lies. He was fully in control of his faculties. Birthday Party Skull nearby.” The icon flashed twice before vanishing again.
“Thanks, and I know. At least give me some kind of warning instead of constantly popping up like that, ya damn bug!” Pinkie Pie turned her own smile into a grin as she observed Johnson talking sternly to himself.
Simultaneously, Pinkie rubbed at her muzzle, as if she had a runny nose. Confetti appeared in her hoof whenever she withdrew, much to her bizarre combination of confusion and delight.
Having said his piece to the now ubiquitous skulls, Sergeant Johnson changed focus to Flash Sentry again.“You ain’t fooling anybody, son. IWHBYD noggin says so.” He retorted, turning serious again. The guards ceased their tirade and watched their own commanding officer and the human officer carefully, like excursionists observing an ongoing public disturbance.
Recovering from his initial fit of anger, shock, and finally embarrassment, Sentry took a breath and frowned. He held both his forelegs in the air, causing his musket strapped onto his back to shift around lightly. “Alright, alright! You caught me. I’m sorry, human. I just could not resist.
Sentry rubbed at his blue mane awkwardly. “You see, I’ve been itching to do that to somepony for a month now, and your arrival and the skull provided the perfect opportunity.” He grimaced slightly as Johnson’s facial expression hardened, expecting a harsh rebuke to be in the making.
Instead, Johnson simply shifted back to his original, mischievous grin. “We’re even for now, Sentry.” He pointed a finger directly at him. “For now. ”
Pinkie Pie sneezed again, shooting confetti onto Flash Sentry’s ‘mustachioed’ face. In response, Sentry cleared his throat even more awkwardly. “Ah, well then. Miss Pie, I see you’ve introduced yourself to the Sergeant Major here?”
Having kept quiet for an uncharacteristically long time, Pinkie Pie nodded fervently. She held out her hoof to a slightly exasperated Sergeant Johnson. “Hiya, again! My name’s Pinkie Pie in case you forgot. Pinkie for short, if you’d like!”
Her grin alone indicated to Johnson that he had never encountered a being such as Pinkie Pie before. Strangely enough, her curly pink mane almost made him want to approach her and run his fingers through it. It could have been made of cotton candy for all he knew.
Unsure of how to respond to someone with such a high level of energy, he cautiously grasped her hoof and shook. Johnson grunted in astonishment at how quickly Pinkie Pie shook back. His arm and her foreleg were a blur for a brief moment, much like a humming bird’s wings. Flash Sentry almost developed something akin to vertigo just by watching them.
“Lady, you have one helluva shake there. Nice to meet you, Pinkie.” Johnson said finally as they broke the grip, trying to regain feeling in his hand and forearm as the pink mare grinned at him.
“My name’s Avery Johnson, but that’s Sergeant Johnson to you. ” He shot a brief glance at the balloon symbols on her flank, and curled his lips in a smile. “Nice tattoo there. Let me guess, you throw birthday parties for the kiddies?”
For a moment, Pinkie Pie appeared confused. “Tattoo?” Then she noticed Johnson’s line of sight and grinned again. “Oh, that’s just my cutie mark. Everybody gets them at a certain age once they’ve discovered their special talents or interests! And boy, oh boy do I love throwing parties! I’ve made it one of my personal goals in life to make everypony I encounter smile whenever they’re feeling blue!”
Johnson raised an eyebrow. Cutie mark? What kind of candy-ass name for a highly symbolic tattoo is that? “Really? What’s your usual success rate, Pinkie Pie?” He queried.
Pinkie Pie bounced up and down a few times. “One hundred and ten percent, Mister Sergeant! One of the best ways is through hilarious pranks!” Pinkie glanced at Flash Sentry’s face and giggled. “Like the one you pulled off on Captain Sentry here.”
Flash Sentry’s frown deepened and his ears flattened, while his guards stifled giggles. Johnson, meanwhile put his hands to his hips. “Oh that business, yeah just a little payback is all.” He chuckled, noticing that Sentry was growing restless.
The armored pegasus continuously shifted his gaze towards the streets of Ponyville beyond the station, stamping his hoof methodically. “Well, it’s been a pleasant little meet and greet here on the platform, but I think we’ve all been standing here a bit too long. Better muster out.”
“Okie dokie.” Pinkie Pie replied cheerfully, sneezing again shortly thereafter. The stray masses of confetti decorating the platform floor were liable to drive a custodian insane sometime later that day.
Sentry sighed in relief. “Right-o! Sergeant Major, if you’ll follow us, we’ll show you to Princess Twilight’s estate. It’s not far at all.” Flash Sentry reacquired his official mode of speech, and his guards sobered up into their usual statue-like aura of sternness as the party of soldiers trotted out into town. “Feel free to accompany us if you like, Miss Pie.”
Johnson, who had already moved to follow the others, lurched back slightly in surprise as Pinkie Pie practically teleported to his right. “Sounds good to me! I better check on Sugar Cube Corner, and it’s on the way.”
“How? ” Sergeant Johnson whispered, leaning towards her ear.
A casual shrug was Pinkie Pie’s response. “I dunno.” She held a hoof to her chin in though as they promenaded down the cobblestone road. Johnson fetched a cigar from a pouch and lit it.
“Hmm, all my friends tell me I’m just random. I’ve personally never really given it much thought. I’m always too busy helping the Cakes, hanging out with the girls, or turning frowns upside down!”
The human grunted, keeping pace with her and puffing out smoke on occasion. “I also have Pinkie Sense.” Pinkie Pie added suddenly.
“Say what?”
“Pinkie Sense! Whenever something important or interesting is about to happen, I get a tail twitch.”
“You mean...like clairvoyance? ”
Pinkie Pie nodded. “You betcha, although it’s not always easy to see coming. There’s a complex system involved in interpreting it. Twilight refers to my ability as ‘extrasensory cognitive perception syndrome’, or something sciency like that. She’s such a silly-filly!”
Based on what he’s seen of Pinkie Pie, Johnson figured the mare’s claims probably weren’t too far from the truth. “Well, what do ya know? That’s some freaky stuff right there.”
Pinkie Pie giggled again. “You’re telling me. At least it seems to be helpful, mostly . Nopony’s ever gotten hurt from my predictions on their own.” Her eyes closed and her smile grew brighter. “Only when they ignore them.” Pinkie Pie then opened her eyes again and pouted her lip in slight sadness.
“Always a shame when that happens.”
Sensing he was bordering on some rather choppy waters with the mare, he decided to swing the conversation around. “So, what happened to bring you to the train station at the same time I arrived?”
Like the flip of a switch in a darkened room, Pinkie’s face lit up into her usual innocent-looking cheerfulness in a heartbeat. “I heard from Twilight in advance that you were coming! It’s an obsession of mine to energetically welcome new arrivals to Ponyville.”
“And you actually pull this off on a weekly basis?”
Pinkie Pie’s eyes twinkled. “Of course silly! No visit or stay here would be complete without a warm welcome, wouldn’t you say?”
“Well, I guess so.” Johnson conceded, raising his hat and rubbing at his shaven scalp. “Folks do need a reminder of the world’s delights from time to time. Morale is everything!”
“Exactly!” Pinkie Pie replied, raising her cheery voice slightly, nearly breaking into a bounce. “And I’m the mare to help do the reminding.” She sneezed slightly.
The conversing duo were now in the market of town, trailing slightly behind Flash Sentry and his soldiers. Like the train station, the market was bustling with ponies from all walks of life. Dozens went about their business, making deals, delivering goods, posting town information, and divulging news and pitching various products to passerby.
Numerous market goers however, regarded Pinkie Pie with alarm and worry, and carefully avoided the confetti she discharged upon the ground as if it were a bucket of plague-tainted water.
This was something the party pony picked up immediately. “Sheesh, it’s not even just the Cakes who've been acting different, most of the town’s been giving me weird looks. Well, some of them already do that, but more so than usual!” Pinkie Pie frowned suspiciously.
As soon as she finished her statement, Pinkie Pie sneezed up more confetti, again. She looked at the colorful substance on her hoof from time to time as they proceeded on. “Ooh, more confetti!”
Johnson paused abruptly in the middle of the road, accidentally letting his cigar slip out of his mouth. “Missy, you better go see a doctor soon! Does your nose always do that?”
“Nope, this has only been happening for the past few days I think.” She replied, as cheerfully as ever.
Might be the damn Birthday Party Skull. Is it friggin inside her head or something? But then again, the first skull would be going crazy right now, and it hasn’t said anything since the train station. “Have you seen any strange looking skulls with weird symbols carved in them around here lately, Miss PIe?”
To Sergeant Johnson’s surprise, Pinkie Pie darted off in the direction of a multistory establishment that Johnson thought resembled oddly enough, a giant gingerbread house.
“Sorry that’s Sugar Cube Corner gotta go now it was nice talking to you pay us a visit some time soon bye!” Pinkie Pie vocalized the entire sentence without pause, whilst at full gallop. Johnson stood gawking, watching her go, thinking quite sincerely that he had just personally encountered one of Equestria’s own living Unsolved Mysteries.
“Sergeant Johnson, Princess Twilight Sparkle’s manor is just this way!” Flash Sentry called from further down the street. Johnson realized he had been standing there staring at Sugar Cube Corner longer than he originally thought.
“Don’t worry, I’m on my way.” Johnson lit a second cigar and stared at the bakery suspiciously.
The human could have sworn he heard strange dancing music coming from inside, and multi-hued confetti taped to the windows. In addition, the skull icon flashed briefly in his periphery. It couldn’t have all just been mere coincidence. Grunting with semi-dismissive apprehension, Johnson reluctantly rejoined Sentry’s group on their journey through the town.
***
Twilight’s royal residence stuck out instantly amid the surrounding buildings and properties like a chunk of ice in the middle of a rainforest.
Quite unlike the cozy, humble rural architecture for which the town was famous for, this manor house stood tall, proud, and imposing over its neighbors. Three stories high, it was erected in the Canterlot fashion, which made the house an instant pinnacle of Equestrian craftsmanship.
The exterior was a palette of predominately whites and golds with the occasional splash of purple and silver from drapes, windowsills, and shutters. The black tiled roof was tall and graceful, accented by the occasional turret or chimney, as well as a clever system of gutters and miniature aqueducts that carried rainwater away to parts unknown from Sergeant Johnson’s vantage point out front.
The entire manor and grounds, located conveniently close to Town Hall, was separated from the public spaces by a perimeter of polished granite and limestone walls. They were topped with a much shorter wrought iron fencing, which also comprised the makeup of the main gate. Well tended moss draped over the surrounding walls and exterior of the manor at pleasing locations. Trimmed hedges and orderly shrubs lined the side of the house, and Johnson could just make out what resembled a miniature grove of verdant trees around back.
Approaching the entry gate, Johnson took note of a violet-colored, six-pointed star banner peering prominently down at him from its perch above the front door.
Two of the Royal Guards moved ahead of their Captain and opened the gate for the rest of them. Two additional guards who had already been their gave them all pleasant greeting, before resuming their patrol of the grounds.
Everyone ascended the marble steps, fringed by elaborately cut balustrades. With their sheer detail, everything just seemed too out of place in such a quaint, quiet rural town. While the guards proceeded to repeat the process they had utilized to open the gate a second ago, Johnson scrutinized the entrance.
Even it had no expense spared in its design. The sturdy double doors-both of handsome oak-were flanked by two columns holding up a sizeable arch. Within the arch were several carved reliefs of the various species of pony engaging in various poses, each carving cut down to the most minute amount of detail. The doors themselves were accented by twin handles, and a single polished brass knocker on the upper midsection of the right door.
The doors had so much shine and varnish applied on them, Johnson was certain one would slip and fall if they were to put it on the ground and attempt to walk across it. He had seen such old-fashioned architecture only in old movies and internet vids. The massive amount of opulence and grandeur threatened to overwhelm his eyes.
As the pair of guards and their colleagues neared the doors, Sentry paused at their rear and turned to look at Johnson. “Alright, Sergeant Major. You’re about to meet the local ruler, the Princess of Ponyville.
Sentry’s face became as no-nonsense as Johnson’s default expression. “While she may be the junior of the Alicorn rulers, and will likely attempt to dissuade you from doing so, I encourage you to address her the same way you have addressed Celestia and Luna in the past. There is royal protocol and tradition to be observed, after all.”
Quickly, Flash switched to his native friendly expression and accent on a dime. “I’m sure it’s nothing you should have trouble handling, Johnson.”
Finally having taken his fill of the architecture, Johnson puffed the last of his cigar and prepared to reply. One of the unicorn guards at his side promptly teleported the cigar away for him.
“Ayep. I’m familiar with addressing authority with proper respect. Let’s get things in motion.” Johnson paused, forgetting something. “Oh, Sentry, before we go inside....your face.” He grinned.
Sentry flashed him a look that effectively said ‘Oh shit’ , and he had a unicorn guard, the same one, erase the offending marker drawing loitering on his muzzle.
“Good on you, Johnson! Good on you chap!” The Captain was speaking Canterlot-ese again. Johnson silently decided would never get used to how quickly Flash Sentry could switch between accents like that, no matter how much time he might spend around him in the foreseeable future.
Without further ado, the guards gracefully knocked on the door. There was a brief moment of awkward silence as they all stood there, awaiting a response.
At last, the group heard hoofsteps from the inside. There was a jangling of a heavy chain, the loosening of deadbolts, and then finally the right door opened with a hefty groaning of thick wood and metal. Johnson and the others beheld the tuxedo-wearing form of a butler.
The unicorn, of whom Johnson reckoned to be in his late middle ages, had a dining towel draped smartly over the curve of his left foreleg, and a piece of parchment with quill hovered in the air before him. In addition to his handsome suit that ended in white tassels on his back, the stallion donned a pair of black loafers, possessed a cutie mark resembling a musical note, and his greying mane was neatly slicked in a style typical of servants of aristocracy.
“Yes?” He greeted them in a posh, heavily exaggerated accent that rivaled Sentry’s own. Why slightly gravelly with age, the stallion’s voice still had a pleasant ring to it, accent notwithstanding. Suddenly, his violet eyes twinkled in recognition. “Ah, Captain Sentry, for what do I owe the honor of your visit?”
“We’re here to hold audience with Her Majesty shortly, Mister Melody. I have here with me, the hero Princess Luna has spoken with Her Majesty at length about.”
Taking that as his cue, Johnson took off his cap and held out a hand to the butler, smiling lightly. “Name’s Avery Johnson, Sergeant Major. It’s a pleasure.”
Mister Melody appeared genuinely surprised at the human’s gesture. He stammered out his response as they both shook. “Err, yes, yes to you as well. Oh my, a Sergeant Major, but of what army, old boy?” Melody regained enough of his composure to let out a hearty chuckle, setting the quill and paper down on a lectern near him.
“Well certainly not the Equestrian Army I’d wager?”
“Afraid not sir, at least not at the moment. Up until recent events, I was a soldier in the United Nations Space Command Defense Force, kicking alien ass in another universe. That’s my life service record in a spiffy little nutshell, Mister Melody.”
The butler took in the minute information with eyes of bewilderment, before once again regaining a calmer air. Finally, he replied. “This UNSC sounds like it was quite an impressive force.”
Johnson winked. “Oh, if only I could share with you all the true power of the Corps!” He sighed in resignation. “Ah, but that’s from another world. Hell, probably from another time period even. It’s all for the better I suppose.”
Mister Melody looked around for a moment at the pegasi and unicorns behind Johnson and Sentry, eyeballing their silver and gold armor. “You know Sergeant Major, my daughter always likes to play her cello around the parade grounds up in Canterlot when she’s not on tour. She often visits me with tales of an army that’s in need of proper leaders.”
“It is said that the Princesses have favored the Royal Guard for so bloody long, that our Army suffers for it. There is opportunity there for you, Sergeant Major. Of that, I am certain.” The butler ended with a wink before Flash Sentry caught his attention.
Armies were like muscles in a way. If they are neglected and not allowed to flex their power to its full potential from time to time, they run the risk of wasting away or worse-turning into fat . Of this, Avery Johnson was more than aware.
Johnson’s smile grew, as he knew what the old butler was getting at. One thing was certain to the Sergeant, his imminent involvement with Equestria’s military forces was almost a definite certainty; if not an unavoidable eventuality.
“Well, while I’m sure that interests the Sergeant quite considerably, Mister Melody, I simply must insist that we commence his audience with Princess Sparkle as soon as possible.” Sentry had a sting to his words, hinting at a slight vexation of his.
Instantly, the cheerfulness from the old stallion’s face vanished, replaced instead by professionalism. There was a uniform monotony to his weathered features, no doubt from years of constant practice. “Her Majesty is not here at the moment, good sir. I’m afraid to inform you, that Princess Sparkle is still investigating the odd phenomena occurring at the local Sugar Cube Corner store.”
“Could we perhaps at least have dialogue with her assistant Spike then?”
“He is currently at the Princess’ side as we speak.”
“Oh, ugh well then, could we perchance remain here for her return then, perhaps? Would that be acceptable, Marius? Mister Johnson here has traveled a long way by train and I’m sure he would enjoy a moment or two of respite, is that not right?” Flash Sentry tilted his helmeted head at Johnson with an eyebrow raised.
“No, it would make more sense to just go to the Princess directly.”
“Why not just seek Princess Sparkle out directly?”
Johnson and Melody had spoken in unison, and they both shared a smile only two cut-to-the-chase pragmatists would be able to form. Sentry now had both eyebrows raised, looking from the human to the unicorn in exasperation. “Very good, off to Sugar Cube Corner it is, then.” Flash Sentry said with a sigh of defeat. He stamped his hoof on the marble stoop to catch his guards’ attention. Their ears perked up and they instinctively gave salutes.
“Good day, Marius Melody.” Sentry called out as he and the guards trotted down the stairs and up the rosebush-lined stepping stone path to the gate. Johnson was slow to catch up, hesitating.
“Little royal blighters, think they’re too good for Celestia’s Army.” Mister Melody grumbled under his breath. He noticed Johnson still lingering halfway down the path. “Oh, yes?”
Johnson shot another smile at him. “It was a pleasure Mister Melody, you seem like the type that have your head on straight. I’ll see you around.” The human quickly jogged off after Sentry.
Melody stood there, waving in bemusement. “What a strange fellow.” The heavy oak doors telekinetically closed behind him with a definite thud, like a judge's gavel.
***
Suspicion dominated Sergeant Johnson’s mind again as he and the others stood in front of Sugar Cube Corner. The streets were still busy and bustling, nothing abnormal or out of place there. Merchants still hawked their wares from nearby stalls, and everything positively screamed, ‘business as usual’ .
That was, save for one small detail. Nobody approached the pleasant looking establishment willingly. It was obviously open for business, lights could be seen spilling out from the confetti-laced windows, and the strange dance music that had accosted Johnson’s ears earlier did so again.
“Ugh, that racket is going to drive half the town bonkers in no time!” Sentry nearly shouted, covering his ears as they moved to enter.
“Believe it or not, I’ve heard worse. Some human music would probably make you drop dead.” Johnson replied with an air of certainty, having to raise his voice slightly as well.
“No doubt.” Sentry pushed open the door, and allowed his guards to troop in first, before he and Johnson entered. “I wonder what in Tartarus the Cakes are up to playing something like this, I thought they were just simple bakers, and...” Flash stopped dead. “What in Celestia’s name?”
“Birthday Party skull nearby.”
“Sweet...mercy...” Johnson added. Both of their jaws dropped in almost comical proportions. The Royal Guards slowly backed away, their forelegs raised in nervousness.
The candy shop and bakery had been turned into something akin to a hybrid Manehattan nightclub, and a children’s party supply store that had just been ransacked by burglars.
Confetti was strewn over almost every conceivable stretch of the checkered floor, while streamers, a plethora of colored balloons, and more falling confetti dominated the ceiling. Upon several of the tables, sat the crumbs and wrappers of what Johnson reasoned were once delicious pastries, candies, cakes, and other sugary delicacies favored by Equestrians the world over.
None of this was what particularly threw them all off however. What did, was the inhabitants of the room.
Johnson recognized Pinkie Pie at once. She was to his right, near one of the booths where customers would normally sit at. Pinkie Pie was doing some type of strange dance that seemed choreographed to the music. She climbed atop the table, standing straight up on her hind legs and pumping her forelegs in the air like a punk rocker. Pinkie was grinning, and her eyes were alight with mirth.
The Cakes were on the opposite side of the large room, and were doing a similar dance as Pinkie Pie. What customers there were, seemed to be dancing as well. In addition to them, a white-coated unicorn with sun glasses was operating a turntable near Pinkie Pie. If any of them noticed the newcomers, they did not indicate it.
“Birthday Party Skull has been located.” The skull icon returned, flashing as energetically as ever. “Collect us.”
“What the hell’s going on in here?” Johnson inquired loudly, mentally scowling at the skull talking to him.
At the far end of room, straight ahead, was someone or something hiding under a conjured magic shield. It’s surface pulsated with a lavender-violet aura. From within, a feminine voice shouted. “Who is that?”
“Shhh, what if its more of those weird phantom things, do you want them to hear us?” A second masculine voice hissed, barely audible amid the din of the dance music. The feminine voice under the shield groaned in frustration, but said nothing more.
Sentry ventured a step forward. “We are here with Sergeant Johnson! Your Majesty, are you...”
There was a loud scratching noise as the unicorn disk jockey abruptly stopped the track, cutting off both the music and Flash Sentry mid-sentence.
All the 'party goers' finally acknowledged their presence, and each gave Johnson and the Royal Guards creepy grins. Without warning, they increased the pace of their dancing as the unicorn DJ started the music back up. They quickly began to form a rough circle around the room, with everyone facing the center.
To Johnson and Sentry’s further dismay, a wink of light erupted in the center of the party circle. When it dissipated, a skull appeared. It wasn’t alone either. With it, warped in a small group of incorporeal pegasi warriors. Their armor was barely distinguishable, and their faces were obscured, save for identical pairs of glowing white eyes.
The pegasi ghost soldiers nonchalantly wandered about, occasionally breaking into dance with some of the living party goers, or flaring about drunkenly, ghostly tankards of an unknown alcohol poorly balanced in their transparent wings. None of them paid any attention to Johnson or his companions.
All the Sergeant and the Royal Guards could do was merely stand there, scratching their heads and fondling their weapons cautiously. Everything became even weirder, when the skull summoned up more ghostly guests.
A few transparent humanoid figures appeared on the opposite side of room. Like the pegasi, they were donning some type of body armor or plating. The details of their faces and overall shape were heavily obscured. Only their white eyes could be made out with definitive detail. Also like the pegasi, many of the spectral soldiers appeared to be in the midst of merrymaking and revelry.
For a few seconds, Johnson watched the motley assortment of entities in the room throw a rather bizarre party, then Pinkie Pie seemed to finally notice Johnson’s presence. She stopped dancing and walked up to him, still grinning.
“Hey, it’s Johnson and the Captain again! Hi there, you’re all late to the party you silly-billies! But lucky for you, we’re getting ready for the main event now!” Pinkie Pie said.
“M...main event?” Flash Sentry murmured shakily, heavily disturbed by the sudden paranormal manifestation of revelry spirits before his very eyes.
“Uh huh, the Birthday Party Skull tells me it was just getting started!” Pinkie Pie sneezed out a hefty amount of confetti. She quickly recovered and bounced twice. “Say, do you guys like party games?”
Holding his hands at his hips warily, Johnson replied. “Sure. What kind of games?”
“I dunno, let’s find out!” Pinkie Pie turned back to face the skull, and Johnson, Sentry, and the guards followed suit. The music picked up, and suddenly the excrement hit the proverbial fan.
Dropping his ghostly flagon of ale, one of the humanoid ghosts finally seemed to notice the presence of the pegasi. He reeled back and pointed a gauntleted finger at the pony specters. “Ahh! Equinoki, pegazah! ” The soldier and his fellows drew instruments resembling pistols.
The pegasi soldiers also jumped backed in surprise, hastily equipping similar weapons in their wings. One of the larger pegasi had a saddle appear on his back. Attached to it were twin heavy rifles. “Eh, contacts! The enemy reveals itself my brothers! You’re dragons aren’t around to save you this time fools!” The ghost shouted. “Shoot to kill, shoot to kill! ”
In a heartbeat, both ghost squads fired their weapons at each other, not bothering to take cover. The projectiles reminded Johnson instantly of Covenant plasma pistols and rifles, but far more sophisticated.
“Oh no, the ghost people are back, and they’re going at it again too!” The masculine voice under the shield whined.
“Don’t worry, they’ll all be gone again in a little while.” The other occupant declared.
“Crap! ” Sentry shouted, trying to drown out the intense music. “Guardsponies, on me, ready your weapons!” Both he and Johnson took cover behind a vacant table they overturned. The other guards either retreated to the cover of the doorway, or overturned another table and settled there.
Flash Sentry chanced a peek over cover. All could note before his fearful instincts forced him to duck again, was that none of the spectral warriors’ projectiles did any damage to the living, nor to the environment around them, passing through them instead.
Whenever a ghost’s round impacted another, the specter cried out in pain, confetti and loose ectoplasm vented out instead of blood.
A pegasus ghost was struck in the head by one of the humanoid ones, who shouted in triumph. “Aehta Tudjesa! ” The pegasus disintegrated into a pile of ectoplasmic goop, but not before his enemy joined him on the floor when the large pegasus’ heavy rifles blew the biped away.
Some of the ghosts did not even possess firearms, and instead used their tankards, bottles, or even spectral party supplies as impromptu weapons in the skirmish.
From cover, Johnson watched the theatrics continue. The ‘party goers’ were still dancing, the DJ was still playing, and the battle dragged on. Every time a ghost soldier was hit in the head, a popping noise issued out with a rush of confetti, followed soon after by the disembodied sounds of cheering children.
Pinkie Pie stood near Johnson, out in the open. She observed the strange warfare with a grin, and giggled with delight whenever a head shot occurred near her.
A humanoid soldier fell right in front of Pinkie Pie. She curiously picked up his pistol in her hoof. The weapon’s trigger housing was far too small for her to grasp it. “Hey, let me see that.” The Sergeant said quickly.
“Okay. These sure are some of the weirdest party favors I’ve ever seen!” Pinkie Pie remarked cheerfully, handing it over.
“You’re telling me.” Johnson replied back. He hefted the spectral gun in his hands, surprised that he could actually hold it. The weapon pulsed with energy in his hand like a plasma pistol, yet it handled almost like an M6 magnum. He stood up and aimed the pistol.
“What are you doing?” Sentry asked urgently.
“Crashing this party, it’s getting old fast!”
Flash Sentry nodded, and motioned to his guards to collect the weapons of the fallen ghost pegasi nearest them. Johnson fired a bolt of plasma at the nearest humanoid. It caught the soldier in his chest.
“Ooooaah!” Dramatically, the spirit clutched at his chest and toppled over, disintegrating. The biped left mostly confetti in his wake.
“Party’s over you dumb spectral bugs! This place is meant for the living!” Johnson shouted. His and the Royal Guards’ confiscated ghost pistols fired at the same time all around the room.
Two minutes past as party ghost after party ghost was struck down by plasma fire. Finally, only the saddled pegasus and a single biped soldier were left remaining. The pegasus had apparently run out of ammunition, and the humanoid had traded its gun for a pinata stick.
The pair stared at each other for a tense second before charging, getting into a wrestling bout.
In the center of the circle of ponies, the skull glowed with eldritch confetti emerging from its eye sockets. Without warning, the cranium zapped the two struggling spirits with its magic, turning them into one large biped donning a conical party hat and a mask in the distinct shape of the skull. The pinata stick, with no pinata to be found, had grown in size to fit properly in the being's massive hands.
Standing as tall as an M’Galekgolo, the party entity faced Johnson and roared, breaking into a charge.
Unlike its smaller counterparts, this ghost was able to manipulate the objects around it, and effect the living. Ponies scrambled out of the way, or were rudely shoved by the spirit as it advanced.
“What the hell is that?” Johnson shouted.
“Shoot it! Drop it, stop it, just everyone do something!” The male voice in the shield bubble pleaded.
Having reached their cover, the party beast peered down at Johnson through his mask and said in a deep thick, barely comprehensible voice. “Happy Birthday.” It then raised the large pinata stick high, intending to swing it down like a mace.
“Let em’ have it!” Johnson shouted.
Everyone fired plasma rounds at the beast. They hit it square in the chest, leaving confetti in their wake. The beast reeled back, trying to protect its masked face from fire. Another volley of plasma sealed its doom. The party beast emitted an ear-shattering roar and flailed its massive arms in the air, before exploding. Thousands of chunks of colorful confetti and buckets of goo splattered all across the floor. The green energy substance hung from surfaces almost like snot.
Laying the middle of the goop pile, was the skull itself. Wasting no time, Johnson rushed forward and collected the skull in his gloved hand. “You’re mine now, ya little bastard.”
On cue, the skull icon flashed once. “Birthday Party Skull acquired.”
At the same exact time, everyone inside Sugar Cube Corner seemingly returned to normal. There was a shriek from the direction of the Cakes.
“Who is going to clean this up! We can’t run a business with conditions like this! ” Mr. Cake cried out. To the couple’s relief, the majority of the ectoplasm and confetti vanished at once. So as well did the spectral objects, weapons, and the skull itself.
“Oh, thank the stars that nightmare is over!” A rather flustered, ashen Captain Sentry proclaimed, still shaking from having seen ghost for the first time. Johnson patted him on the shoulder.
“You’re damn right its over! I’ll have to show that darn skull how to throw a real party sometime.” Johnson and Sentry nodded, then the human turned his gaze upon the magic shield. “Princess, you can all come out now. The ‘party’ is over.”
The shield quickly gave way with a quiet whir of energy. A short alicorn and a slightly shorter young dragon stumbled out and looked at the room in a slight daze. The Princesses’ magenta eyes darted warily from corner to corner, before resting on Johnson and the others.
“Oh, thank goodness! I thought we would have to stay under that shield for an eternity after that darn skull trapped us in here!” The Alicorn tilted her head slightly at Pinkie Pie. “Why didn’t you tell us this whole thing was caused by one of Discord’s skulls in the first place, Pinkie? You could have saved us a whole bucket load of trouble, and you made me miss my royal duty of welcoming Sergeant Major Johnson here!”
Pinkie Pie’s hair deflated slightly and she averted her eyes from the Princess. “I wasn’t completely sure it was a skull, Twily! I just assumed the Cakes had suddenly decided to throw some uber-epic super-duper dance party, and well of course I wanted to be a part of it!”
Ponyville’s ruler groaned in frustration. “Alright, alright Pinkie. I believe you.” Pinkie Pie cheered up largely at her words. Sighing, she turned to Johnson, and smiled warmly at him. “And you must be the Sergeant Major I presume, the one Luna has told me about?”
“In the flesh.”
The alicorn nodded. “Then on behalf of the citizens of this town, I’d like to personally offer my gratitude to you for collecting this skull and ending the Cake’s woes. Perhaps with the cursed artifact under your care, this town can return to some semblance of normalcy.” She held the other hoof to her muzzle. “Although I think I'll maintain that moratorium on confetti in this town for quite some time longer.”
“Psst, introduce yourself already! Give the official welcome” The dragon urged.
“Oh yeah! Your right Spike!” The Princess appeared slightly embarrassed for a second, chuckling lightly. “My apologies, my mind can be very...overactive sometimes.” She held out her hoof to Johnson.
“My name’s Twilight Sparkle, ruler of Ponyville and former student of Princess Celestia.” Twilight’s smile turned into a friendly grin, and she bowed her head, almost in a joking fashion, as if mocking the excess formality. “Hail to thee, Sergeant Johnson. I doth bid you welcome to our fair town of Ponyville.”
They both shook. "A pleasure, Princess Sparkle, a fine pleasure." Johnson withdrew his hand and folded his arms over his chest. "So, when shall we get down to business?"
"Ah yes, you were sort of 'posted' here by Celestia and Luna weren't you?" Johnson nodded.
"Alright, let us return to my manor first. This isn't really something I'd like to discuss in open public like this. Everything's too...state sensitive, you understand."
"Your Majesty, is there anything else you need, or will that be all of the Royal Guard you require?" Flash Sentry asked.
"No, I'm quite content Captain. You and your guards may be on your way to Canterlot at your leisure. My own guards can escort Spike, our guest, and myself back sufficiently." Based on Twilight's tone of voice, its possible there was a 'go, shoo!' left unspoken somewhere in her words. Sentry nodded quickly, saluted, then marched back towards the town's train station, his neat rank of soldiers following closely behind.
"Well, let us be off then, we should..." Twilight began, right as Pinkie Pie sneezed one last time into her hoof. This one was larger than any before it.
"Hey, guys..." Pinkie held something, and moved it around to show her and Johnson. "...lookie here! It's a note from Discord!"
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 8: Twilight's Manor
Immediately after Pinkie Pie’s discovery of Discord’s newest message amongst the aftermath of the Birthday Party skull’s brief reign of chaos, Twilight and Spike had hurried out with urgency back to the Princess’ manor house near the center of town with the document. Johnson had accompanied them back as a matter of course, and Pinkie Pie had tagged along behind him with curiosity.
Pinkie Pie herself had been surprised when the Cakes had turned down her offer to stay and help clean up the loose confetti and ghostly pools of ectoplasm. Since the situation involved Princess Twilight, and official business, Pinkie Pie was perfectly free to go with them, they had insisted.
As the four left, Mister Cake wondered what they should do with the odd spectral substance littering their floor. A tentative tasting of the ectoplasm yielded a surprisingly lemon-like taste, but with the consistency of honey. After deliberating with his wife for some time after everyone else’s departure, the Cakes settled on using the ectoplasm for macaroon filling or similar baked goods. What pony wouldn’t like some pleasantly tart macaroons?
Inside the large well decorated parlor of Twilight’s Manor, Johnson and Pinkie Pie were each reclining in fine velvet upholstery with matching ottomans. The two chairs were separated by a high end table with a lacquered mahogany surface. A shaded lamp shared the space with a large bowl of taffy candy, which Pinkie Pie was now vigorously attacking. Johnson sat sternly with his arms crossed, business-like. He eyed Pinkie with a mixture of curiosity and irritation, and was surprisingly not smoking a cigar at the moment.
Not too far opposite the two, sat Twilight and Spike in similarly posh chairs. Between the four, in the center of the room on a fine exotic rug, lay a low coffee table identical in style to the end table and all other surfaces. Spike twiddled his fingers, constantly shifting attention between Pinkie Pie and the Sergeant, frowning in embarrassment at the former and smiling apologetically at the latter.
A majestic grandfather clock ticked, and a fire under the mantle to their far right crackled in the background. Twilight, meanwhile glared intently at the coffee table. Discord’s note was the focus of the Alicorn’s scrutiny. On the table top, the document returned Twilight’s intense scrutiny with an innocent silence only inanimate objects could project.
Finally, Pinkie Pie’s muffled murmuring of enjoyment as she devoured the candy was silenced by a sudden vexed groan from Twilight. It ceased the Earth Pony’s sugar spree, and caught the attention of both human and dragon.
“Ugh, I honesty thought he was reformed!” Twilight said in a raised tone of voice. She levitated the parchment out in front of her, reading it a second time. “First, he disappears without a trace, next we have diplomatic problems popping up out of the blue, then Luna summons you here,” She peered up at Johnson, her voice raising in pitch and speed with her growing anxiety. “Celestia sent me a transcript of the original 'IWHBYD' note she and Luna showed you. I read it only just this morning. And now, when he finally does decide to pop back into contact with us, he leaves these...these darn skulls! ”
Twilight groaned loudly again, setting the note down flat, and Johnson leaned over to snatch it up, frowning as he inspected Discord’s penmanship. “Now he thinks we have to play some ‘game’ of his? We might be on the brink of an international crisis here!” With her ears completely flattened, Twilight seemed as if she were about to leap up off the cushion and begin pacing the room frantically.
“Whoa, Twi, calm down! Take a deep breath, I think you’re taking too much of this in at once!” Spike said urgently, spreading his palms out in the air, showing the universal sign of ‘take it easy’.
Pinkie Pie held out the dwindling bowl of taffy to Twilight. Her mouth was full of partially-chewed taffy as she spoke. “Here Twily, ya whant shum? Ish reely good! Good enuff ta put ya in a good mood I bet!”
Reading Discord’s message, Johnson shifted his attention between it and the actions of the others, occasionally raising his eyebrows and grunting at various points. The more he read Discord’s writings, the more he was able to slowly piece together the true extent of the Chaos Master’s affinity for whimsical madness.
Birthday Party
Dear Twilight, Mister Johnson, and to all whom it may concern:
I see you have acquired the second piece to our game, oh happy days!
Ah, but before I forget... Welcome to dear old Equestria, Sergeant Major! Did you know you are the first of your kind to set foot in this world for thousands of years? Well, I digress...
You’ve acquired the second skull, congratulations! Hopefully those old ghosts didn’t give you too much trouble. Just for collecting it so early in the game, I’ve left you a little skull present. It should appear...just as soon as this letter is done reading you. How I do look forward to meeting you in person, Avery Johnson!
Oh, I should probably mention now, that this will be the last written correspondence you’ll be receiving from little old me. My affairs shall keep me quite occupied until our game is over. But when it is, then we’ll speak.
Until next time, don’t feed the parasprites!
-Discord
Johnson hastily slapped the parchment down on the table, and stared at the top expectantly. If a skull truly was supposed to appear here, he didn’t want to be caught off guard by the creepy things again.
Twilight had calmed down considerably in the time it took Johnson to read the message. She got up and approached the coffee table, standing directly opposite him. “Another skull’s coming, isn’t it?” Twilight asked, alert and wary.
Johnson nodded, still staring at the table. “Uh huh. No idea what kind though. All the paper said was ‘bandana’ .”
“Who could possibly know what that means?” Spike questioned.
“It’s Discord silly! It could meany positively anything. Maybe it spawns infinite bandanas, or gives you an unending supply of sweets!” Pinkie Pie answered, getting up from her seat and bouncing excitably. The sugary taffy was already inducing a large-scale sugar rush in the mare’s brain. Before anymore conjecture could be made, the skull revealed itself to everyone. In a brief burst of light and a slight otherworldly gust of air, it dropped onto the table with a quiet thunk.
It was positioned so it seemed to be staring directly at Johnson. He instantly picked it up as the skull icon flashed in his peripheral vision. “Bandana skull acquired; never fear a shortage of any critical item while it is active.” The ghostly skull voice whispered. “Collect us all.” Like the previous two before it, the human-looking cranium vanished into thin air.
By now, Johnson had grown use to the voice of the skulls. While it still unnerved him quite intensely, it no longer made him feel as if he were going mad. Indeed, he was in a land of magic and what humanity considered mythological creatures, after all.
Suspicious of what the voice meant, Johnson fumbled about in his pockets, and fished out his cigar pack. It was full. Johnson couldn’t remember how much had been left before, but he took one out for testing purposes. Sure enough, as soon as it had gone, another miraculously appeared in its place out of thin air.
“Just when I thought I’ve seen everything.” Johnson murmured, lighting the Sweet William against his lighter and taking a slow drag. “Infinite everything? I wonder if this works with ammo!”
Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened. “No way...I was right!” She started bouncing circles around the room. “You should start carrying candy with you, Sergeant!”
Johnson frowned at the mare, who was now on bouncing on the ceiling, upside down. “One word Pinkie, one word.” He puffed out a small cloud of smoke. “Diabetes.”
“As if!” Pinkie Pie said dismissively. “Everypony knows the doctors just make that up so that less people will eat sugary stuff. Less sugar means less cavities. Less cavities means less business for dentists!” Pinkie dropped onto the ground, landing perfectly like a cat.
“Less business for dentists means more money for doctors! Everypony knows they're common enemies!” Pinkie Pie finished in a sing song voice with a goofy grin. “It’s a conspiracy.....!” She added a second later, in a paranoid whisper.
“Guys, we’re kind of digressing here! Johnson, I've got a lot of things to show you, and we’ve got a lot to talk about.” Twilight interjected, walking around to their side of the table.
At that moment, Twilight’s chief butler Marius arrived, levitating a silver tray laden with an ornate tea kettle, a small bowl of sugar, a pitcher of milk, and several cups. “Your Majesty, I have brought the tea you’ve requested.” He looked exactly the same as when Johnson had last seen him, over two hours ago.
Pinkie Pie eyeballed the sugar warily, her own rush having previously turned into a crash mere moments ago. “Well, I uh, I better get going guys. The Cakes probably still need an extra hoof to clean up.” She trotted quickly past Marius, heading for the door. “Nice meeting you, Mister Johnson, I’ll see ya around! Bye-bye Twilight. Later Spike!” The party pony gave them a quick wave, then she darted out of sight before they could wave back. Marius turned to watch her go with a surprised twitch of his brow. When the butler turned back around, the Princess addressed him.
“Please Marius, we’ve been down this road before, you don’t need to be formal around me in private! But thank you. Go ahead and leave that here.” Twilight motioned towards the space near Discord’s note, concern filling her features.
Still arching his brow with uncertainty, Marius bowed lightly and deftly set the tray down, smiling sheepishly. “Erm, of course Your Maj... I mean Twilight. Oh, and before my silly old brain forgets...Mayor Mare has had to postpone your meeting with her until the weekend, citing family business.”
Twilight nodded and watched as he poured some cups. “No matter, I’ve been hoping for more time to show the Sergeant Major here around, and then maybe catch up on some very important projects in my workshop.”
Marius chuckled, winking at Johnson for a moment “Ah yes, the revolutionary new weapon I’ve been hearing so much about.” He cleared his throat. “Anything else, Twilight?”
The old unicorn’s determination to fulfill Twilight’s requests to the letter brought a genial smile to her face. “That will be all, thanks!” Marius bowed again. As Twilight turned her back to them for a moment to prepare a cup of tea, humming to herself, Johnson caught Marius and Spike’s attention with a conspiratorial wave. They leaned in to hear him as he whispered
“Alright gentlemen, I heard a rumor from one the town’s citizens that the Princess working on some type of advanced rifle.”
“Yeah, what about it?” Spike whispered back.
“Well uh, in case ya haven’t noticed...” Johnson patted at the empty magnetic holster on hip awkwardly. “I’m a soldier without a weapon, son!”
“Hmm, I do wonder about the weapon myself. I’ve only ever seen its ammunition, but nary a single blueprint or the bloody thing itself!” Marius threw in. "I truly hope Her Majesty isn't hiding the details due to a possibly shoddy final product..."
Spike looked cautiously over at the still humming Alicorn nearby. “Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able help you in that department, Sergeant.” He said with certainty. "And never doubt Twi, Marius! She's probably smarter than all of us combined! "
“Yeah, alright. Mind the snappy remarks son. But do ya suppose she’d let me see the darn thing? Twilight did say she’d be showing me around, and...”
“Yes Johnson, I’ll take you see some of my pet projects.Yes , I’ll be showing you around, and yes , that does include revealing the rifle to you.” Twilight peered around at all of them sternly, elegantly sipping her tea as she flattened her ears in disapproval. "And yes , I did hear you."
Poor Spike practically withered under her scrutiny, and the butler scratched at his dark mane awkwardly. Johnson, meanwhile stared back at her with approval. “You pretended to be distracted to see how interested we were in your work.” He chuckled, then took a drag of his cigar. “That’s some fine strategic thinking right there on such short notice.”
“Yes, that happens when you’re a detail-oriented individual such as myself. Johnson, we’re going to be working closely together for what I would guess is a lengthy amount of time. If we’re to going to be friends and not a pain in each others hind quarters, you’re going to not want to not be sneaky like that, Sergeant.”
Twilight stood sternly, lowering her voice. She flared her wings for a moment, looking around the house suspiciously. “While I appreciate your compliment, and I'm pleased to see you are so interested in my work, these aren’t the kind of times for sneaky behavior, from you, me, or any of us!”
Johnson’s look of approval quickly hardened into grim seriousness. “I hear you loud and clear, ma’am. My apologies." In another time and world, Johnson would have likely given her a brief salute.
This seemed to be in better standing with the Princess, as Twilight’s radiant smile returned. "Thanks for being direct." Her smile dropped a little as she sighed. "I’m not mad at any of you, you didn't even do anything. It’s just those darn Roamans overseas have my mind running faster than Rainbow Dash at full speed. Anyways, would you like to begin the tour? I might as well show you my workshop already.” She turned to go, gesturing for Johnson to follow her. “It will be our first destination. C’mon!”
He nodded happily “Alright then. Let’s move out!” Johnson hurried out of the parlor behind her her, breaking into a light jog.
“Uhh, Your High...ahem... Twilight...what about the tea?” Marius inquired after them, growing flustered.
“Why don’t you and Spike finish it all, we’ll be going around the house for quite awhile!” Twilight called back, until her voice grew fainter as she and the human traversed the corridors of the immense house.
“Of course. I will do that, milady...uh, Your Majest...Twilight! Gah, bollocks I’m doing it again!” Mister Melody sighed and sat down on his haunches, pouring himself a cup and gingerly levitating it over to himself. The cup shook slightly from the anxiety effecting his magic as he sipped. “Why must she make observation of royal protocol so unutterably difficult?”
The butler blotted at his sweating forehead with a handkerchief. “Oh dear, the Princesses and the genius thinkers are always the most eccentric ones...Her Majesty is bloody both! ”
Spike smirked at him knowingly, as he casually drank from his own cup, reclining in the lounge chair. “Man...you don’t know the half of it.”
"Just watch your step, the staircase is a bit...narrow." Twilight said in a cautious voice, making her descent.
Sergeant Johnson followed carefully in Twilight Sparkle's hoofsteps down the cellar stairs, his boots leaving an echo behind the both of them. "Ugh. Clearly these steps were made by little girls! Look at this, I can't even hold my damn arms out in this little space!" Johnson paused briefly and attempted to stretch his arms out like the wings of a bird, only to be stopped three-quarters of the way by the masonry of the walls. "Humph." Cigar in mouth, he continued his own descent down.
Like the rest of Twilight's manor, the cellar staircase was still practically brand new. The limestone steps and walls were polished and free of grime, while the oak latticework of the ceiling was still a rich brown, and sturdy looking. Cobwebs were only just beginning to make themselves established in places.
"Emphasis on narrow." Twilight replied, finally reaching the bottom. The Princess trotted forward excitedly, and turned around to observe him with a gleeful smile.
"Humph." Johnson repeated with a half smirk, releasing a cloud of Sweet William-scented smoke. Looking around, all he saw at the moment was a noticeably expansive wine cellar. Dozens of racks, shelves, and miscellaneous housekeeping items filled the expansive room, which was largely dim save for the occasional gas sconces that lined upper portions of the walls. "I thought you said we were going to see your workshop first! Is that Equestrian for, 'let's get drunk for no damn reason', or is there something I'm missing here, Princess?"
Twilight's smile diminished slightly. "Not everything is as it meets the eye, Johnson." She glanced over at a particular wine rack near one of the gas lamps. Twilight approached it and ignited her horn, waving a foreleg over at him to follow once more. "C'mon, you'll see!"
Johnson was preparing his retort as he approached her, until a new sight left him wordless for a second. Twilight's spell enveloped the gas sconce, causing the lamp to twist forty five degrees. An audible sound of shifting wood and stone groaned behind the rack, before it suddenly began to move. The wine rack slid away through a hidden crenelation built into the cellar wall, revealing a doorjamb leading into a surprisingly well-lit room.
"This , is my workshop." Twilight said proudly, stepping through. "Don't just stand there, Johnson. Come take a look!”
Johnson nodded and entered. He wasn’t entirely prepared for the scene that greeted him.
Twilight’s workshop descended down from the set of steps before for him, with the room standing at a story and a half tall. Near the ceiling, basement windows placed at regular intervals shared their evening sunlight with nearby gas lamps and electric lights to shed luminescence on the activities below them. At one end, the wall opened up into a large metal freight door, currently closed, leading aboveground.
A score of unicorns in buttoned up lab coats and gear, like goggles, bustled across the black and white checkered floor. Some were at work stations, while others stood off too the side, or were heading intently for somewhere. They murmured to one another, mixed and heated chemicals in beakers and test tubes, recorded data on special-looking parchment, and tested gadgets in varying states of completion.
Princess Twilight nodded at the scientists and apprentices as they inclined their heads slightly towards her. When Johnson passed by behind her, they regarded him with quiet curiosity, accented by the occasional friendly nod.
Looking around as he went, Johnson caught glimpses of some rather shocking things. Machines resembling miniature Tesla coils from old twentieth century sci-fi movies lay on a few workbenches; grenades with large handles for hooves or muzzles, cherry-colored concoctions labeled ‘healing potion’, something resembling a transistor and a miniature vacuum tube, another vial of mixtures labeled ‘stamina potion’, and blueprints for some type of complex dirigible, an oceangoing warship, and an armored vehicle lay on many other visible surfaces.
Admittedly, Johnson was not entirely expecting a species seemingly so dependent upon magic to be so technologically capable. Some of the guards he had first encountered had been wielding spears, after all. To his credit, Ponyville’s architecture and layout is misleadingly primitive in its presentation. The locals simply favor the charmingly rustic look it all provides. If one preferred modern steel, marble, concrete, and iron, it would be wise to pack up and move on to a more ‘cosmopolitan’ city such as Manehattan, or Fillydelphia.
Having greeted all the other unicorns working in the workshop, Twilight stopped abruptly at a large work area at the far end of the room. "What is that?" Johnson inquired, pointing at the object covered under a white sheet on the table beside her. Twilight smiled again as she moved aside and slowly levitated the cover off, revealing the once-secret object underneath.
It was the repeating rifle Johnson had heard mention of, sure enough. The Sergeant had seen old images of the first semi-automatic weapons invented by humans over seven centuries ago back in his own universe, and this rifle’s design strangely reminded him of them.
The firearm looked similar to the rifle muskets that Johnson had seen the Earth Pony soldiers equip as well, but its stock was heavily modified. Instead of possessing a single firing lever and the percussion caps above where one would insert their cartridge-worth of black powder, there was a far simpler-looking trigger lever in the middle of a large circular grip. Atop the end of the barrel was a primitive form of iron sights.
"Something new, that will change the face of gunpowder warfare forever, Sergeant Major. A little something Celestia has requested for the Royal Guard. It's the greatest military leap since the invention of the conical bullet forty years ago, and the earliest hoof cannon, five hundred years ago." Twilight said.
"Wait, if you ponies have had gunpowder for over five hundred years, why does Flash Sentry's guys still carry spears and crossbows around so dang much? And what about the catapults?" Johnson asked in confusion, clearly bemused by Equestria's almost anachronistic levels of technology.
"They're largely ceremonial, and crossbows are still reliable. As for the catapults, military hasn't necessarily been a top expenditure until recent decades. They're all holdovers from generations ago." Twilight answered back. She levitated the device into the air, and cocked it’s grip down, exposing the empty magazine inside. "Equestria may have been at peace for almost a thousand years, but that peace may soon be coming to a close. We're in a time of crisis, I'm afraid."
Twilight took aim at the bare wall behind the table like a well-trained unicorn soldier. Johnson watched in surprise as the Princess continued, still aiming through the sights of the levitating device.
"As for this...I call it, the Sparkle Mark I Repeater.” Swiftly, Twilight snapped the grip back into its normal position, then set the weapon down. “We got the idea from some ancient tech a royal surveying team discovered abandoned in some old flooded ruins in the swamps down in the Southeast.”
Johnson took in the information with mounting interest. “What kind of ruins?”
Twilight held up a hoof, then started poking around in the surrounding cabinets. Eventually, she produced a stack of recently taken photographs. “Here are some stills they took of the area.” Twilight laid them out like a neat fan of cards on the granite tabletop.
The photos were far from Johnson’s norm tech-wise. They were slightly grainy, and only a very small few were in actual color. The ruins featured were large stone complexes, some tilting slightly as the silty soil of the marshes slowly devoured them over the centuries.
One colored photo showed a pith hat wearing pegasus with a black mane, and garbed in an olive traveling jacket grinning in front of one of the entryways. The granite doorframe towered high above her, easily large enough to accommodate a dragon or creature of equal or lesser size. Higher above her still, sat the remains of a once imposing carved relief. Only the legs and torso remained, the head and whatever facial features it possessed have since been lost to time.
Flipping through the last of the pictures, Johnson set them down and removed his hat, rubbing at his head briefly. “Between all this skull business, the remark on Discord’s last note, these ‘Legendary Folk’, Princess Ruby Scales’ rambling, and now ruins with lost technology, I’m gettin’ awfully suspicious about this place’s history.”
For a moment, Twilight looked at him with a hopeful grin. “Really, do you have any theories? I’m curious about what perspective a being born in another universe would have on our world’s history.”
Johnson sighed after a while. “Nope, I just lost it, I got nothin’ at all, sorry.”
Twilight looked slightly disappointed for a moment, then broke into a grin again, waiving it off. “Ah, don’t worry. We have our best archaeologists working on this kind of stuff anyways. New tech, and new historical facts to add to the books every day! It’s exhilarating to think about.” She put the photos back and started to make her way out.
“Alright, that’s the workshop. I’ll show you around the rest of the house, show you to your new quarters, and all that fun stuff.” Twilight covered the Sparkle Mark I back up with the cloth as she passed it. “You need a weapon, I remember. Tomorrow, I’ll let you take it out into the gardens for a test fire. If you like it, I'll even let you keep it. Sound good?”
Sergeant Johnson nodded assent, satisfied to finally know when he’ll receive a proper firearm. “Sure thing, Princess Twilight.” Ghostly weapons certainly weren't his area of expertise. Secretly, he found himself wanting to get his hands on a powerful blunderbuss; the idea of such a weapon had been on his mind since he first saw that the ponies possessed gunpowder.
“Alright then. Now for the tour,” Twilight put a hoof to her muzzle in thought. “I think we’ll start at the foyer, it’s a logical starting point anyhow.” She held out her other foreleg. “Grab my hoof.”
“What, why?”
“Grab on, I’m going to teleport us back upstairs.”
“You can teleport too?” At this rate Johnson figure he should have seen it coming, he was teleported in, or so it seemed, and practically anything is possible now with magic, he reasoned.
“Yes.” Twilight replied, growing at least a little bit impatient.
“Yeah, alright. Just don’t end us up in between the walls or something, I don’t have that much of a knack for close quarters as you might think.” The human grabbed a firm grip on her hoof, not sure what to expect. They disappeared in a wink of light, only to reappear a second later, upstairs near the front door. Johnson crouched, patting at himself to make sure he was still entirely there.
“See, you’re not fused into the house or anything. Teleporting is perfectly safe, now let’s get going, I’m sure you’re going to like where you’ll be staying.” Twilight lead him down the entry hall, smiling all the way.
Twilight had been right, Johnson did like his new place of residence.
He had finally entered and retired into it after Twilight had lead him for over thirty minutes through the kitchen, bathrooms, grand dining room, library, courtyard and gardens, as well as a few sitting rooms and other rooms seemingly lacking any current purpose as to be completely devoid of furnishings, unsurprising given the Manor’s size. The house truly was an immense piece of Equestrian art of the highest caliber.
As for Johnson’s new accommodations, it was a large room on the top floor, with large windows and furnishings just as lavish as the ones found in Canterlot Castle. Hues of orange, yellow, and light violet filtered in through the velvet drapes.
Bookshelves, chests of drawers, and an armoire lined the walls, a small fireplace and sitting area dominated one corner, while oil paintings of nature scenes and famous figures Johnson could only guess at took up the remaining space on the walls. All of the walls were painted a light sky blue with white accents fringing the ninety degree transition to the ornate plaster ceiling.
On the opposite side of the room, double doors opened up to a small balcony with a telescope, boasting a view of the rear of the property grounds and the surrounding town.
Johnson had bid everyone goodnight after they all had a light dinner of the local fare, which he found only barely half to be edible for his human metabolism. After settling for some simple salad and fish hastily fetched from the closing market nearby, Johnson then retired to sleep in the massive four-poster bed.
His eyelids starting to grow heavy, Johnson mused at how on both occasions, he had slept, and is laying, in a bed fit for a deity, and had done so in a house of royalty.
It was odd, being brought into such a vibrant, idyllic new world, finally free of the worries and cares of the turbulent one he had been born into. But in only two short days, Johnson discovered that no matter how peaceful it may seem, this world too, had its fair share of war and strife.
Indeed, Equestria was not some perfect utopian afterlife, not even for him, especially not for him. It was a normal world like any other, even with how strong the forces of magic were at work here. Flaws and limitations to perfection were clearly visible. A dark ancient past likely hangs over the planet, and division and conflict were possible and occurred in lands that Celestia and Luna’s benevolent influence could not reach, which were many, if the world map he had seen was to be believed.
“Ah, to hell with it. You take the bad with the good, mix it up, and make it into greatness, fool!” Johnson murmured to himself, reclining his head on the soft linen pillow. “That’s life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Looking out at the now starry night sky through his window, Johnson contemplated the geological complexities of the visible surface of Luna’s moon.
“I betcha Chief, Arbiter or Cortana would agree, were they here.”
With no trace of the skulls or their whispers to annoy him, Johnson drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep. Luna noticed his slumber as she basked in her moonlight, and the regal Alicorn goddess granted the old war hero pleasant dreams. Even with the challenges of a new world and its lingering troubles, and the circumstances of his arrival, Johnson was finally at some measurable degree of easiness, no matter how small, after over twenty years of haunting uncertainty.
Most important of all, he somehow new, somehow felt in his heart that in another place, in another time, the apocalyptic fight that he had witnessed begin on Harvest so long ago, had already been finished. As for him, a new mysterious struggle was dawning in this new world, calling upon heroes and champions of all kinds to its fronts.
By Luna's decree, Johnson would be among their ranks, helping to lead the charge towards victory.
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 9: Discord Among Roamans
While the Ponies and other various denizens of Equestria were retiring to a peaceful night, chaos loomed over lands to the far east. Across the vast cerulean waters of the Crystal Ocean, it was high morning. Many nations’ citizens were comfortably beginning with business as usual, but for the lands of the Roaman Empire, another day of reality-shattering phenomena was only just beginning to bring its fruits to bear on the unsuspecting population.
In the picturesque port city of Tarentum, a Zebra plebeian was taking a break from his work loading and offloading cargo from the large, oceangoing steam triremes that arrived at the docks in the harbor. They came in often, laden with gems from Equestria, silks and spices from Saddle Arabia, lumber from the dense forests of Germaney, and fine wine from Prance.
The dockworker donned a simple, but comfortable lime green tunic, and his black-white mane was neatly cropped short, in the typical Roaman fashion. The commoner reclined on the wooden bench along a smooth limestone road. Around, the causeway itself was moderately busy, a few shoppers here, a few wandering artisans and laborers there. Merchants hawked their many diverse wares from within tiny shops set into the first floors of the many insulae , multi story apartments favored by Tarentum’s mostly middle class population.
A nearby piazza regaled the neighborhood with local music. Musicians of high caliber performed a variety of instruments. Some were old fashioned, such as lyres and drums, and some more modern, like lutes and harps. There were even strange instruments favored by foreigners from Equestria, Prance, Albion, and neighboring lands; foreigners themselves called them violins, cellos, and clarinets.
The zebra himself, unremarkably had a newspaper in his hoof, no doubt full of daily gossip and news from all around the Empire. His own trade and daily business was rather boring compared to an artist or musicians’, he would admit, but it wasn’t without its perks. Dock workers were municipali , city workers, which meant fair wages. Not wages that could make one a wealthy patrician, mind you, but it far surpassed those of the peasant farmers and olive plantation workers outside the city.
The curbside was lined with young, slender trees that cast cool shade over the area. It was perfect reading weather, the Zebra reasoned. As he loosened the tension in his muscular chest, he absentmindedly reached a hoof out for the basket of dates on the ground beside him, then proceeded to read. The succulent fruit easily gave way under his jaws. He skillfully extracted the pit with his tongue, promptly spitting it out onto the curb. Then, he slowly chewed the remaining fruit with delight, occasionally pausing to guffaw at a particularly scandalous or outlandish column.
Passerby gave him funny looks and frowns on occasion when his raucous laughter reached far above reasonable volumes. Little did the Zebra realize, it would soon be someone else entirely who would be doing most of the laughing in Tarentum, and for far different reasons. Everything started at about the time when several loud, professional voices drew the dockworker’s eyes up from his stories.
“Legionarios! ” One voice boomed.
“Ave, Centurio! ” Several others shouted in reply.
The first voice spoke again. “Hail to you as well, this fine morning! Bene , we have a city to patrol. You know the drill, boys, forward march!”
Immediately, the Zebra could tell who they were even as they rounded the corner of the nearby shops. The early spring sun shimmered off their polished segmentata , helmets, and leg greaves, all forged from the finest steel Roaman denarii could buy. The audible synchronized thumping of their many armored hooves echoed down the street.
Brandishing their tall rectangular shields in one foreleg, with their other close to their flintlock pistols and short swords, the Roaman Legionnaires each marched on their two hind legs in a perfectly-formed column. Walking on only two legs for long periods of time was understandably difficult and impractical for most, and scarce few outside of the Legion knew the secrets of how to do so comfortably, such as belly dancers and acrobats. Their shields bore a stark white eagle on a purple foreground, and they wore studded kilts and tunics, all the universally-recognized violet colour of the Caesar and the patrician classes.
Oddly, none of these details were what caused the Zebra civilian to continue to neglect his paper. Rather, it was the fact that the unit of soldiers themselves and their centurion were behaving...strangely.
In fact, they were marching backwards as if it were the most normal thing in the world, much to the complete bafflement of the dockworker and fellow sane citizens who bared witness to the spectacle. One old stallion standing at the edge of a side alley, his white and black coat long since faded to mostly steel-black, pointed a hoof at them and cackled maniacally.
He was clearly amused. The centurion, however was not, and flashed the elder a sneer as they passed. He was holding his command baton upside down, marching on all fours backwards with his soldiers.
“Per deos! Has a traveling troupe of jesters raided the local Legion fort, or has the military grain supply gone moldy?” One well dressed, upper middle class mare inquired, a hoof clamped to her muzzle. Even being exposed to some of the many eccentricities of the Roaman elite, she was clearly as puzzled as everyone else. The dockworker set down his paper and chuckled at her with incredulity.
“Perhaps an angry foreigner spiked the wine over at their favorite taverna , or perhaps His Majesty’s generals are experimenting with new ‘reverse psychology’ tactics in case we go to war with those paranoid pastel ponies.” He slapped the wooden surface of the bench, laughing loudly at his own joke.
The well-to-do mare frowned at him, not sensing any comedic value at all. Promptly, she galloped away in alarm as the bench the stallion had been sitting on came to life. It started barking and panting like a dog, before running away in the opposite direction. The dockworker meanwhile was knocked roughly onto his rump, sending his head flying straight into the basket of dates.
Meanwhile, the tabloid newspaper started floating in the air off its own accord. It then recited in a dramatic voice fit for a master actor, every humiliating detail to the letter, about the Zebra’s life to anyone within earshot. When he pulled his head out of the basket, he peered up at the bewitched newsprint in disbelief.
In other parts of the city, chaos was affecting things with far greater intensity.
Discord chuckled with filly-like glee as he strode down the column and tree-lined road. Unknown to the citizens of Tarentum, he had been blending among them for quite some time, observing and patiently waiting for the most appropriate hour of day to rain chaos upon them.
Now, just happened to be that time. In fact, Discord had just arrived at where he stood after a visit to the local garrison, then to the town’s only public bath house. Legionaries were easily susceptible to chaotic magic, Discord observed with amusement, and rerouting the dirty harbor water through the pipes into the bathhouse had been even more trivial.
Many Roamans are rather superstitious, and this particular day was when a local festival to pay tribute to the resident numina , or spirits, was being held. There was going to be music, merry making, feasting, meditation and gift giving, and tributes of money, clothing, weaponry, or foodstuffs to the various shrines throughout Tarentum.
One flier Discord had read even mentioned that a band of tribal dancers from the West Islands were going to sing in rhymes and perform a rain dance. It was planned in hopes of enticing Nubila, Goddess of Weather, to grant all Zebra lands fertility and bountiful harvests towards the end of the season.
“Dear, sweet Zecora. Your native people are oh so very funny. Why, chanting up at the sky for rain, when I could change it with but a snap of my fingers!” Discord mused with a chuckle, bringing his words to life by twitching his eagle’s talon.
Thunder boomed as a massive storm front formed from nothing over the harbor. Gaining in strength, the storm quickly rolled in to drench the city in its downpour. Discord could see much of Tarentum from where he was, up on the acropolis hill that housed the local Pantheon. “Pshaw!” With another snap of the talon, part of the blanket of nasty dark grey clouds formed into a nasty, scowling face. “Oh my, it would seem little Nubila must be quite upset. How sad.”
The Master of Chaos could easily hear the cries of outrage, shock, and fright from the oblivious citizens hundreds of meters away. Chuckling with a higher intensity, Discord continued his hike up to the temple, the target of his final act of chaos over the region.
In his wake, numerous odd things could be witnessed. A nearby bush burst into flames as Discord passed, several statues of famous Zebras climbed off their plinths and started dancing, all the while a giant, meter and a half-tall pigeon sat on a bench in a nearby pond at the base of the hill. It cooed randomly, throwing bits of stale bread onto the now soaking-wet lawn before it with its wings. Several Zebras rushed over from a nearby pavilion, craning their necks down to peck at the loaves like birds while the rain pelted them.
When Discord finally entered the temple interior, his massively powerful influence had already well proceeded him. Standing casually in the marble doorjamb, lighting flashed behind him, casting his shadow far across the cavernous sanctuary of the Pantheon. Discord remained there for awhile, observing the sweet chaos unfolding.
Inside, priests and priestesses were running amok, panicking. Others were sitting on their haunches before the statues of their deities, eyes transfixed with disbelief. “Inmo! Blasphemy, this doesn’t even make any sense!” One sitting priest cried, his voice shrill. In front of them, the statues of the Roaman Gods were coming to life, and one by one bowing towards their clergy, as if in worship.
One Auspex, a priestess who could foresee fortune or misfortune in one’s future, galloped around in a circle with abandon. “End of days, end of days...! ” She chanted with increasing distress.
Another priest, one with a slightly posher appearance than his colleagues, stopped his panicking when he reached the table housing the Holy Ambrosial Wine, normally saved for only the most sacred of occasions. Seizing an entire keg in one foreleg, the stallion ripped his white toga off with the other. Without wasting any further time, the priest emptied all the wine onto his coat, soaking and staining it purple. He then tossed the keg to the tiled floor, and assumed a heroic pose. His Zebra stripes were concealed beneath the purple. “Behold, mei amicitia! I am a dainty, colorful Equestrian pony!” The priest started kicking his legs out on both sides in a ridiculous little dance.
“Oh really?” Someone retorted, skeptically. “Then where’s your destiny glyph, eh?”
“By the Gods, no, no my friend! You have it all wrong...I believe the term they use is...sissy mark , something like that!” Another jeered.
A particularly bold priest dashed away into a nearby closet, only to return with a small orrery, a scaled model of the Sun and planets. She held it aloft, beaming like a lunatic. “Hey look, I’m raising Sol into the sky! If a simple Zebra mare such as myself can raise the Sun, than what’s so special about their silly Princesses and their magic?” The other priests calm enough to sit down and listen to the exchanges burst into intense fits of laughter, clutching at their guts.
Discord yawned, finally bored by the pontiffs’ antics. He sauntered pass them with a mild, businesslike smirk, drawing mixed reactions from the already dismayed and confused Roaman priesthood. He approached the main altar, where two Zebras stood.
One wore the same garb as all the others Discord could see, while the second, a far older Zebra, wore very elaborate robes. They were a rich cerulean, and possessed what appeared to be gold and silver trim on the cuffs at the forelegs. Such fancy dress indicated the elder’s position as Hierophant, the leading high priest of the region. In addition, the elder had a golden amulet around his neck, and his now all gray mane was cut in a monk-like tonsure.
The younger priest was as dismayed as his fellows nearby. He held a Zebra skull in his hoof, and was beating himself in the head with it as he faced the old stallion. The elder scoffed, as he looked on at the junior priest, “Stop hitting yourself with your own skull, idiot!”
“Quaeris, quomodo? What is happening to me, Calixto? This doesn’t seem physically possible!” He cried in reply.
“Indeed it isn’t my boy, under normal circumstances.” Discord interjected with a toothy grin. “Isn’t chaos a wonderful, beautiful thing?” The young priest gawked at him for a moment until he hit himself one final time, falling unconscious, the skull rolling away into a corner as he dropped it. The Hierophant Calixto looked down at him, then at the bowing god statues, and shook his head. He then arose, glaring at Discord.
“Draconequus! Are you the one behind this....this....desecration? ” His raspy old voice quivered and shook violently with outrage. Discord rewarded the Hierophant’s anger with an even wider grin, as a skull suddenly materialized in his right lion’s paw.
Discord looked down at the cranium, whose alien-like appearance was completely different from that of the one the now unconscious Zebra priest had just dropped. It was bleached white, and had a prominent hammer fringed by a circle etched into its forehead. The jaws were like a primates’, short and possessing no muzzle. “Just one moment please. I need to send this little beauty off to some friends of mine back in dear old Equestria!” Discord snapped his talons, and then the skull vanished again, teleported away. "Tell me Calixto, are Zebras white with black stripes? Or are they black with white stripes?"
Calixto continued to glare. “I swear on all the Gods’ names in this holy place, the Caesar will have your head for this! The Legions will track you down, and justice will be dealt!”
“Old timer, come, come now! Must you Roamans see me as such a...” Discord’s body morphed into a serpent, which rapidly coiled up around the Hierophant’s neck, turning to stare at his weathered face mischievously. “....snake in the grass?”
With a hearty chuckle, Discord returned to his normal shape, and stood at the old Zebra’s side, holding an arm around his neck as if they were the best of old chums. “I’ve seen a few of your plays in the past week or so I’ve been around your Empire. Where’s your sense of humour, my good man?”
Thunder rumbled loudly outside, causing many priests to murmur in fear. “You call this humor ?” Calixto rebuked, trying to swat Discord away. “You are a lunatic! Never since the reign of Caligulata the Monster, has mighty Roam known such a time of fear and depravity as this.”
Discord flitted away from him, taking the form of an animated grinning statue in a nearby marble alcove overlooking the altar. “I prefer the term....visionary.” His voice became dramatic and posh as he assumed the air and appearance of a playwright. “I am an artiste of the absurd, a purveyor of the preposterous, a realtor of ridiculous, and a sucker for everything well...silly!"
The Draconequus paused and rubbed at his goatee. “No wait, scratch that! Master of Chaos works just fine.” Discord snapped his marble fingers, and the altar randomly transmutated into a cow. She looked around at everything with puzzlement.
“How in the hay did I get here?” The cow asked, speaking Equestrian with a distinctly rural accent.
Calixto's eyes bugged out of his skull, and he caught her attention, pointing towards the exit. “More nonsense? No, I think not. Out.” He commanded. She looked at him in confusion, clearly not understanding a lick of the Roaman language. “Out!” He shouted, a little more forcefully.
“Oh!” The cow exclaimed, rushing out. “Don’t cha know!” She disappeared into the rain outside.
Discord, now back in his normal body again, reclined in the Hierophant’s sofa off to the side. He laughed, helping himself to a bowl of grapes on the cabinet top beside him. The old Zebra looked helplessly between the empty space his altar once occupied, and the draconequus who stole his favored place of relaxation.
Calixto fell onto his haunches, raising his forelegs to the heavens. “Woe is me! O’ mighty Jupiter, please help rid us of this God of Chaos! This humble priest beseeches you!” The Hierophant resumed his default pose and looked towards where he last saw Discord.
For a few moments, he could see Discord standing there, grinning at them. “Salve , old Zebra. Your little city has been nice and all. I’ve had my fun, but there’s still more of the Empire to see, and only so much of me to go around! Next stop, the sunny, the humid, the beautifully dangerous and mysterious, the West Islands!” The draconequus jovially snapped his fingers, and a t-shirt decorated with tropical flowers appeared on his chest, while a pair of sunglasses and a straw safari cap materialized on his head.
Discord held an upside down umbrella in his paw, and a suitcase of luggage in his talon. “Oh, one final thing before I go, your holiness. Celestia sends her regards, and would like to remind you of the importance of finding your inner...child, every now and again.”
Impish cackling and another flash of lighting marked Discord’s departure as he zapped himself out of the temple to his destination. The Hierophant could only sit there, speechless as the rest of his priests continued to act like lunatics. Suddenly, lightning struck the massive dome of the Pantheon outside, and Calixto was soon after turned into a little filly.
Looking around in absolute shock, the young Zebra eventually shrugged, and then happily climbed out of the exquisite robes that were now far too big for her. Calixto started to hum a pleasant foal’s tune, then summarily trotted and skipped away, looking for someone to hopefully play tag or jump-rope with her.
The following day, back in Equestria, former UNSC Marine Corps Sergeant Avery Junior Johnson was slowly awoken from his likely esoteric dreams by an insistent voice.
“Hey, Sergeant!”
“So...ya beat the Halo demo?” Johnson chuckled quietly in his sleep, then started murmuring again. “Not bad soldier, not bad at all!” Suddenly, he turned over to the other side of the bed, leaning his head towards something in his dream. He raised his voice. “But are you ready, to take the next step?”
“Johnson?” The voice pressed on. Sergeant Johnson continued talking in his sleep.
“Buy one. Heck, buy two!”
“Johnson! ” The voice repeated, louder than the last time.
It was enough to finally do the job. “That’s an order soldier!” Avery shouted, shooting up from his pillow in full combat alert. When he noticed the source of his rude awakening, he frowned. “What the? Who said my name?”
“Over here!” It was Spike, standing up on the end table on the opposite side of the four-poster bed.
Johnson groaned for a brief second and checked his timepiece on his side. It read 8:00 AM. “Ah no, c’mon now. I never wake up this late. Heck, I rarely even sleep! Don’t tell me this world is starting to make me go soft like a grunt.”
“Well if you are, I doubt I’d be able to tell. Twilight’s good with that kind of stuff though.” Spike replied.
“Is that so, big guy? Fascinating. So what did I miss?”
Spike nodded and jumped off the table, heading towards the door, left ajar. He opened it all the way and pointed towards it. “Twi’s about to bring that new repeater gun contraption of hers out for the test firing we talked about yesterday. Get yourself ready and meet us down in the back gardens. It’s the range, next to the miniature apple orchard. You can’t miss it!”
The dragon disappeared before Johnson could reply, so he shrugged and got himself out of bed. Before he could do anything, an old, all too familiar feeling washed over him.
“Skulls on. Iron skull, detected.”
"Son of a..."
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
“Iron Skull detected.” The familiar whispering voices called out from the mysterious beyond. A grumbling voice replied to them from a dark portion of the room, near the large bed.
“I heard ya the first time.” The humanoid figure the deep, gruffier voice belonged to began to stir in the otherwise peaceful darkness.
“Iron Skull detected.”
“Wherever you are, when I find you I’m gonna...”
“Yes, yes. The Iron Skull is here, fools. Cease and desist with the whispering.”
"No."
One subtle detail about the skulls suddenly caused the shadowed figure to cease both its threat and its stumbling near the armoire. It stood still, giving pause. The orange glow of a lighter flickered on, briefly revealing a frowning, grizzled face before it died out. It left only the telltale circle of flame from a lit cigar in its wake. “Did you just change your voice? Decided to stop the ghostly whispering charade, huh?” the figure asked.
Avery Johnson, clothed in only his standard issue Corps combat fatigues, boots, and undershirt, stepped out from the dark and into the morning sunlight that was flooding in through the room’s twin pair of large windows. He looked around, scanning for any trace of this so-called Iron skull and perhaps whoever else might still be lingering in his room.
“Spike, did you come back in here when I had my back turned, is it you making that voice?” Johnson scanned his surroundings with a suspicious gaze, tiny trails of smoke hanging in the air as he turned his head. “C’mon now, this ain’t funny son.” he said in a slow, reproachful voice. Nothing but the sound of his own breathing answered back. “Just in case you haven’t already guessed, soldiers aren’t the kind of gentlemen to be sneaking up on.”
“Come now. Do I really sound like that hatchling dragon to you, dear? Hmm?” The voice of the intruder finally called back.
“What?” Johnson’s brow furrowed as he paused and took a second to analyze the voice. Either Spike was secretly a professional voice actor, or the Sergeant Major’s intruder was a middle aged, aristocratic woman of possible English descent. “Where are you?” Johnson retorted back, resuming his three hundred and sixty degree scan of his surroundings. “And what are you?”
“Listen, human. My identity, indeed my true nature, is as relevant to you presently as the life story of a stone.” The voice declared suddenly and quite dismissively. “Now, open your drapes. Let the sunlight of your Princess Celestia bathe this room! Only then will I be revealed to you.”
Johnson’s unseen intruder instantly transferred her intonation from one of casualness to a commanding one Johnson would normally equate only to the likes of Jilan Al-Cygni or Senior Chief Petty Officer Franklin Mendez. A smaller but still powerful voice in the back of Johnson’s head even tried to compare her voice to that of Doctor Halsey’s or Lord Hood's. “Alright, fine. We’ll have it your way, skull lady. You better not be playing some trick.”
Slowly, Johnson approached the windows, still looking around. “I don’t have time for games or nonsense. Certainly not when the world might be in danger from talking bones like yourself and cocky, ten foot tall mutant magic men, or whatever the heck the Princesses said Discord was.”
“Games?” The feminine voice laughed, her aged sound reducing it to a gruff cackle. “When we fought and crushed winged ground trotters in my day, there was nary time for such idle fancies as games! Please human, properly illuminate this dreary chamber so you may hastily heed the notices of my whispering colleagues. They annoy me as much as they seem to pester yourself, if you so choose to believe.”
With a bemused grunt, Johnson pulled the satiny drapes further open, then followed suit with the other window. At last the entire room was basking in the warm light of morning. Johnson resumed his scanning.
“Over here, dear. The ‘Iron’ skull is hither, in this sitting area. Well, in the interests of the accuracy, it’s my skull that rests here.”
Johnson turned his gaze towards his room’s sitting area. The fireplace was cold and still, nothing seemed out of place there. An empty pitcher that once held tea sat on one of the end tables with the ottomans and plush chairs, all undisturbed from when he last left them the night previous. Johnson didn’t finally see the skull until the feminine entity that seemed to be attached to it greeted him directly from her apparent location.
“Up here, on the fireplace mantle! Why I appeared behind these empty cider bottles after being carried around by a Draconequus who’s terrorizing a metropolis, I’ll never understand.”
Wasting no time, Johnson jogged over to the fireplace and pushed the bottles aside, revealing the Iron Skull glinting in the light. Unlike previous skulls, Iron still possessed its own lower jaw, and the skull stared Johnson down with a ghastly grin. He grunted indignantly at the sight, then swiftly grabbed it. That was when the unexpected happened.
Sitting in Johnson’s hand, the Iron Skull did not vanish like the others before it. The man was caught by complete surprise, and his cigar nearly toppled out of his mouth. The voice emanating from the skull emitted a satisfied sigh. “Ah, it is a refreshing change to finally be in the hands of a sane being, and a human no less. Things could be worse, one of those winged ungulate vermin could have found me instead. Oh, and yes,” Iron’s voice sounded as if she was clearing her throat, which should be impossible for reasons obvious to all. “Iron Skull acquired.”
The soldier grunted again and rolled the skull about in his palm, examining it. The sigil of a hammer within a circular brace was stamped on the skull’s forehead, between where the temples once resided. He paused his inspection, connecting the word ‘iron’ with the hammer. He made the logical connection quickly, then another thought popped into his mind. “Hold up skull lady, or Iron Skull, whatever the hell you are. You call me human...almost as if you’re not human yourself. Why is that, and why didn’t you disappear?”
“Ah, you’re question must be pertaining to the shape of the final vestige of my estranged mortal form, my skull. I will tell you this: looks are deceiving, my dear. As for my acquisition by your hand, I was not put into this disembodied state in the same manner as the others were, you see. Ergo, I am not bound by the same rules governing my people’s theory on Divine Metaphysics.”
Johnson seemed to have more to say regarding the matter, but clearly the entity was no longer willing to remain idle in his hand, spewing out ancient secrets. “Now, enough blather! I overheard the words of the adorable hatchling you call Spike. Clearly you are needed elsewhere.”
“Aeyup, that’s one thing we seem to agree on.” Johnson murmured. He set Iron down on the nearest end table. He left his BDU absent from his ensemble for now and donned his Corps hat, preparing to head downstairs and outside. “So, Iron skull, what am I going to do with you in the meantime?”
The voice of the Iron skull chuckled. “Simple! Take me with you. I’m lightweight, human.”
The prospect did not please him much. However, Johnson shrugged and scooped the skull up in his left palm, marching out into the corridor while Iron commented on the primitive appearance of his garments, surrounding decor, and everything in general. Johnson currently wondering how she was able to actually see the physical world when her eyes were obviously long gone.
Something told him he’d probably be better off not asking.
Air shattered sharply as a rifle-musket sent its round down the targeting range. The conical round whizzed through the air, traveling in a gyrating motion. Its journey ended in under a second, imbedding itself in the ventricle artery region of the soldier’s target, a crudely drawn cutout of a changeling drone.
“Awesome shot! You should let me try that out.” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, observing two earth pony soldiers as they took turns attempting to hone their accuracy and demonstrate their techniques to the surrounding group.
“Sorry Miss Dash.” One soldier replied. He was of average build, tan coated, and possessed a narrowly cut brown mane and blue eyes. His appearance indicated he was in his prime years, well beyond adolescence, but nowhere near middle age yet. “Civilians are not permitted to wield Army or Royal Guard firearms without prior training.”
The other soldier fired this time, striking the faux changeling in the lower jaw. He raised a hoof. “Yes! I think I just unlocked an Achievement!”
“Aw, c’mon Davenport! Twilight’s a regular customer at Quills and Sofas, can’t you make an exception, just this once...” Rainbow rose into the air for dramatization. “...for a friend of the Princess of the entire region, and one of your biggest buyers of quills, huh?”
“I’m Colonel Davenport right now, Miss Dash.” Davenport turned towards the other and shouted, “Hitting a training dummy is worth only five gamer points, Wexley!” then looked up at Rainbow again. “I only run my shop on weekdays. Now, you’ll need approval from Princess Twilight herself first.” Davenport signaled for his fellow soldier to carry on, and then shifted his gaze towards the Princess.
Twilight sat with Spike in the soft grass off to the side, observing. The alicorn shifted her personally-crafted weapon around anxiously before replying. “Approval denied. Maybe wait a few more minutes, Rainbow Dash. Then I’ll let you fire the Mark I if there’s still time.”
Davenport nodded and shrugged apologetically at Rainbow Dash. He then turned attention back to the firing range. Rainbow, meanwhile, sputtered for a minute in annoyance. “But...you have the rifle here, right now. It’s loaded and it’s not even being used!” Dash’s voice grew impatient, and she crossed her forelegs.
“I want Johnson out here and everyone ready to pay attention before anything beyond the power of a rifle-musket is even loaded. We only have so much black dragon powder out right now, and I don’t have the heart to force one of my secret-spilling apprentices to go blundering out of the lab and back over to the Ponyville Arsenal to fetch some more kegs.” Twilight answered back.
This elicited a groan from Rainbow Dash, who landed in front of the pair. “What’s taking Johnson so long to get out here anyways? He’s a soldier, you’d think the gunshots would get him moving for sure!”
“Heck if I know.” Spike interjected, with a shrug. “I woke him up myself, and when I left he was starting to get ready.”
“Maybe he got lost in your labyrinth of a house, or stumbled into one of your freaky new inventions and got turned into a toad or something.” Rainbow Dash suggested with a note of concern. This provoked a roll of the eyes from Twilight.
“That, or he’s been delayed by talking skulls.”
“Uh-huh! That, or...wait, what?” Rainbow turned around and saw Johnson himself. She grinned instantly. “Hey, it’s you!”
He was standing on the stoop of one of the back doors, wearing a neutral but bemused expression on his face and puffing out smoke from his cigar. “Good to see you again, Rainbow!” To Spike and Twilight’s shock, he had a skull in his right hand. “How has the weather patrolling been?”
“Hmm, not too shabby I guess. Light drizzle here, cloudy day there.” Rainbow replied with a smirk. “Luckily none of those terrible dragons showed up to spoil my day. I’d hate to have to teach them a painful lesson.”
“Hey!” Spike protested, offended.
“Relax! I wasn’t talking about you, Spike!” Rainbow declared, snorting with laughter and clutching her gut. Johnson couldn’t help but smile slightly.
Two of Twilight’s guards flanking the door tensed up after laying eyes on the skull. Twilight herself jabbed a hoof in its general direction. “When did that creepy thing pop up,” Her voice registered slight trepidation. “and where?”
Johnson stepped out onto the path and approached them, twirling the skull about and whistling. Twilight and Spike’s shock only increased when the Iron Skull spoke to them.
“Creepy? Must we resort to insults? We haven’t even been introduced yet, young alicorn! Given the symbol atop my forehead, you may simply call me Iron.” There was a brief pause in Iron’s voice. “Ah, you must be the young dragon who awoke the human, Spike is it? Tell me Spike, what is a fine young dragon such as yourself doing here, living amongst these Equinoki? Where is your brood, your elders, siblings, and peers?”
“Johnson, did...did that skull just talk, on its own?” Twilight asked in puzzlement. Spike had nearly jumped when the skull addressed him directly. Twilight was still sitting in the grass and Spike was hiding behind her, using her back as an equine shield. She grumbled in disapproval and got up without warning, causing both the young dragon and the repeater rifle to fall to the ground. “Oh and whatever you are, just mind your own business, skull! You’re upsetting Spike.” The Princess then looked up from the Iron skull and back at Johnson, her eyes requesting an explanation.
“Unsurprisingly, this little ‘gift’ from Discord appeared not too long after Spike woke me up. I thought it was you pulling a prank on me, Spike.” Johnson’s frown vanished, but his expression remained serious as he glanced at what lay in his hand. Spike’s apprehension likewise disappeared, and he appeared less intimidated by the skull’s presence.
Twilight however remained wary. “Appeared where? And what is it? This skull seems different, mainly because it didn’t...”
“Vanish?” Iron interrupted. “I’ve already discussed this at length with your human friend currently holding me. I teleported to Johnson’s chambers from somewhere in the Eastern Lands, the Draconequus’ doing. As for my still being here...suffice to say, I’m unlike my fellows.”
“Hey, who do you think you are, cutting off Twilight like that? And Johnson can speak for himself! Mind your manners or we might as well crush you with something, bonehead.” Rainbow Dash retorted sharply, narrowing her eyes. The raising of her voice caught the soldiers’ attention, who briefly ceased their target practice and turned around to see what was unfolding.
The Iron skull laughed in a condescending fashion, causing Johnson to grunt and set her down in the grass before them. “Oh my. Tyre Aat, pegazah! I surrender, o’ great and mighty winged ground trotter.” Another laugh and Dash’s face was beggining to reach a boil. “It’s of no consequence to you what I was. I’m now a disembodied spirit, well within her right to address anyone in anyway she sees fit, dragon fodder.”
Johnson’s voice was low and dangerous as he pointed a finger at the skull. “Listen here, skull lady. You insult Rainbow or anyone else here one more time, then I have half a mind to...” Despite his tone, the Sergeant Major seemed almost morbidly comical at a glance, talking to a deceased person’s skull that could only grin back.
Sensing things were going in a direction far from pleasant, Twilight decided to intervene, stepping next to the skull and in between Rainbow Dash and Johnson, who both were scowling at it. “Slow down, we’re having a confrontation with a bewitched skull here, everyone! Let’s just find something to do with erm...Iron...here, for now, so we can focus on showing Johnson some of our weaponry.”
“I say just smash the thing!” Rainbow proclaimed.
“I can’t seem to make her disappear for some reason, sorry Twilight.” Johnson said, shrugging irritably. “Maybe we should burry the damn thing, or smash it like Rainbow said.”
Rainbow Dash smiled at the thought of bone fragments flying everywhere. It was almost like a dilapidated old barn being razed to the ground, but on a much smaller scale.
“Where though? I say bury it as far away from Ponyville as physically possible!” Spike added.
“All any of you can do is merely set me down to watch you, I cannot be easily rid of unless one of you has the power comparable to a Draconequus. Here we just have a hatchling, a human, a junior alicorn, and a winged ground trotter.” Iron chuckled. “Face it, fools. You’re stuck with me!” She declared to all.
“I don’t know guys, but it’s not your fault, Johnson.” Twilight sighed and scooped up the Mark I repeater in her aura, choosing to ignore the Iron entity’s blue blood-like arrogance. “You know as little about Discord’s mysterious skulls as I do, and at least this Iron skull doesn’t seem to be doing anything dangerously malicious...”
“Yet.” Johnson and Rainbow Dash ominously said in unison. Iron chuckled haughtily at them from the grass, gazing up with her now perpetual skeletal grin. Davenport’s rifle discharged in the meantime, indicating the Royal soldiers had returned focus to their practice.
“Hey, hey! That drone you killed, had a puppy!” Wexley, the other soldier, exclaimed randomly.
“Meh. I think I’m gonna save this and watch it in theater later.” Davenport remarked, strapping his rifle to his back and sitting on his haunches as Wexley took his turn.
Not seeking to have any further ridiculous verbal battles with a cursed skull, everyone settled on leaving her on the stoop to mumble to herself and watch them. For the two guards posted there it wasn’t a popular move, but they were loyal to their Princess, and did not verbally protest.
Twilight was about to lead Johnson over to introduce him to the soldiers of the Royal Army, when she noticed two newcomers had already materialized next to the firing range. The largest of the new duo noticed and approached them, with the smaller one trailing close behind.
“Iron Will? Flash Sentry? When did you two show up?” Twilight asked.
Iron Will, obviously the big one, answered first. The minotaur flexed his massive arm muscles nonchalantly as he went. “We got here five minutes ago! Huah!”
“And we overheard your entire exchange with this...Iron Skull.” Flash Sentry added. “I will oversee the testing of this new repeater rifle of yours. Iron Will is in attendance for a possible manufacturing deal if your weapon proves up to par with Guard requisition specifications.”
After having been bested at his own tactics by Fluttershy several years ago, Iron Will had taken time to reflect on himself and maybe devise a new business model. This eventually came in the form of Iron Will Industries, now one of Equestria’s largest producers of industrial equipment, as well as anything made of metal really. And, should the need for the Kingdom arise, weaponry could easily be added to the factory quotas, given the minotaur entrepreneur’s apparent appreciation for all things powerful and imposing.
This appreciation was quickly exhibited in Iron Will’s next words. “Yeah, I’ll mass produce your little peacekeeping tool. And regarding your skull problem...” Iron Will folded his arms as he pondered. “Personally, I agree with Rainbow Dash’s idea for a solution! Let Iron Will show the...” He formed air quotations with his fingers. “...Iron skull, what it truly means to be as tough as iron! What better way than at the business end of a hammer!” Iron Will put his hands at his hips as he stared analytically down at the skull.
Another creature was just scratched off Johnson’s mental list of things that were originally only mythological as he observed the minotaur. In fact, that list was quickly dwindling by the day. Johnson greeted him with a slightly amazed, impressed expression, and the pair shook. Iron Will was around the size of a standing Hunter, easily, but he seemed equally impressed by what Sentry had told him of the human.
Rainbow Dash chorused her agreement with the minotaur and pumped a hoof into the air, while the Sergeant nodded and looked to Twilight. “Sounds like a good enough way to me.” He said with light smile.
The Iron Skull had already consumed enough of her time. Twilight nodded assent and waved them off with a hoof. “Fine you two, just clean up the mess afterwards, please.” Iron Will and Rainbow Dash set about looking for a suitable hammer, while Dash regaled Iron Will with the tale of her and Johnson’s encounter with the dragon Risea far above Canterlot, with a few fantastic embellishments throw in.
Meanwhile, Flash Sentry made his way over to chat with the soldiers. They didn’t seem too pleased to see him, the Captain of the Royal Guard. Spike and Twilight lead Johnson over to the range alongside them so she could finally demonstrate her new weapon design to him.
While they went, Twilight was fervently wondering about the skull. “Judging by her disembodied but rather posh voice, I’d hypothesize this Iron skull once belonged to one of the Legendary Folk, Johnson. Definitely a high official or aristocrat of some kind.”
Johnson shrugged. “Based on some of what she said, I know one thing must be clear. Their skulls look like those of my people, but they’re not human.”
Twilight rubbed her muzzle thoughtfully. “Now that you mention it, after taking a closer look at the temporal region of the skull, that is the lower middle section, the being must of possessed pointed ears. I assume most humans have the same or similar ear types, and yours are rounded. So either it’s a mutation, or you’re right, and Iron, as well as the Legendary folk, are entirely....something else.”
“Strange.” Spike remarked. The trio stopped as they reached the edge of the shooting range.
“Yeah, strange indeed, Spike. Unfortunately for us, skull lady was pretty adamant about not spilling the beans on who or what she was. She only mentioned something called ‘Divine Metaphysics’, some gobbledygook like that.”
“Strange. So tragic, well for the sake of History and Archaeology anyhow. I suppose its time to put them to rest once and for all.” Twilight gave a final passing gander at the skull. Iron Will had found a hammer that struck his fancy, and he and Rainbow Dash would soon get to work ridding the world of another of Discord’s mysterious skulls. Twilight’s two guards next to the back door watched them with anticipation.
The Princess and the human meanwhile were about to give the Sparkle Mark I repeater its first test run. “Ah, Sergeant Major Johnson, good day to you.” Sentry greeted, turning away from Davenport and Wexley, who finally noticed Johnson’s presence for the first time. Wexley gave a jumbled salute, while Colonel Davenport greeted with a formal bow.
Johnson approached the Guard Captain, and the two shook hand and hoof. “Ditto, Captain.” He turned to the pair of soldiers and gave each a brief salute. “So, you’re part of Equestria’s fighting stock, huh?”
Davenport and Sentry shot each other contentious looks, then at last the Colonel replied, “Indeed, or what remains of it outside the walls of Stalliongrad, which is a thousand, five hundred miles north of here. They’re forced to patrol the ice cold mountainous frontier along Cadence and Shining Armor’s Crystal Empire over there.” His words carried a minute hint of anger, clearly directed towards Flash Sentry.
Wexley instinctively took a step back from both of them, while Johnson took a drag of his Sweet William, drawing a second and third one out from a pocket of his fatigues. “Stalliongrad, eh? Sounds like a city of strong honest folk! Either of you smoke?”
“Actually I do on occas... “ The sight of Johnson’s lighter caused the Colonel’s eyes to bug out of his skull when he finally noticed it. Davenport reared back in panic. “Sergeant Major, we have live munitions in the open! The gunpowder could ignite if exposed to even the tiniest flame!”
Before Johnson could respond, Twilight stepped in, the Mark I dangling from its strap at her side. “Colonel, Colonel, calm down! I’m sure Johnson didn’t consider it. Back in his world, powder-based weapons went obsolete over seven hundred years ago!”
“My apologies, your highness!” Davenport managed, his body still shaking and pumping with adrenaline from an anticipated explosion.
Over on the stoop, the Iron Skull chuckled to herself about something regarding the feebleness of gunpowder weaponry, not noticing Iron Will walking over intently and whistling with something heavy and metallic over his shoulder.
“Ah dammit, sorry! Where’s my head?” Johnson stuffed the two cigars back into the depths of his side pocket, and promptly dropped his own to the ground, stomping it out. “I should’a thought of that, maybe that fall onto Canterlot Mountain throttled my noggin more than I thought.”
“You’re fine, Avery.” Twilight said, and sighed. “Just a silly mistake, nothing to fret over now.” She pulled her rifle from its strap and brought it out to give over to the human. “Okay, first Corporal Wexley here will demonstrate the usage of a standard issue Manehattan Munitions Model five rifle-musket, then Johnson will fire my Mark I.”
“Better known as the M3-5, or the ‘Changeling Crusher’. Alongside the Elements of Harmony, this baby was instrumental in helping break the Changeling siege on Canterlot.” Colonel Davenport through in. “But do people ever mention the Royal Army’s role in the battle? Luna’s flank no, they didn’t!” He muttered angrily under his breath. “Brave Guards did this , heroic handsome Shining Armor did that! Blech!”
Sergeant Johnson carefully received the weapon in his hands, and moved his fingers onto the trigger, which was almost too big for them. Meanwhile, Wexley picked up his rifle to begin the procedure for loading it.
“Indeed Colonel, thanks for that...extra insight.” Twilight turned to indicate she was speaking to all of them. “After both rifles have been fired a few times, Colonel Davenport here will demonstrate the power of a Griffon blunderbuss, and a standard Roaman legionnaire’s pistol.”
“Should I go get some ear plugs?” Spike inquired, standing next to Wexley.
The soldier could only shrug as he stood up to reach into his bag at the side for a paper cartridge and his loading muzzle. “I can stand it just fine.”
Nearby the Iron Skull was about to meet her end, or so it seemed. Rainbow watched eagerly as Iron Will hefted the massive blacksmith’s hammer he had borrowed from the tool shed close by over his head for a downward strike. “Iron Skull, brace yourself for Iron Will! Huah! ” The hammer came down with force on the crown of the skull.
For a split second the duo grinned in satisfaction, then the grins quickly dropped to perplexed frowns. The Iron Skull was still largely intact, and only a small area was cracked.
Iron began cackling. Her empty eye sockets assumed a red otherworldly glow as her insane laughter increased in volume, drawing the attention of Twilight and company. “Fools, I told you I cannot be rid of that easily! Now you have incurred my wrath!”
“Celestia’s mane! She....she sounds like Nightmare Moon!” One of Twilight’s pair of guards whimpered, shaking with his fur standing on end and ears flattened.
His comrade just up and fled. “I’m a cowardly fool!” He cried, disappearing around the bend of the topiaries to the side of the manor.
“Hey what the?” Rainbow Dash sputtered.
“You’ve got to be kidding! One more hit then!” Iron Will grunted and swung the hammer again, going for a roundabout strike. The Iron Skull took the full force of the blow, and still it did not move, only sustaining a few minor cracks.
“This doesn’t make any sense at all!” Dash said in desperation and disbelief.
“What the hell’s going on?” Johnson demanded, looking up and over from the Mark I in his grip. In his periphery, the Skull Icon was flashing like mad.
"Iron Skull detected. The Supreme Technomancer has gone mad, defeat her. Collect us all!" The whispering voices declared, with a new sense of urgency and emotion Johnson had never heard them express before.
Suddenly, the sky darkened as a bank of storm clouds rolled in from out of nowhere, further confounding Rainbow Dash and blotting out the Sun over Ponyville. Lightning flashed and the clouds descended to form a barrier around the town.
“Skulls, on! Iron, on!” The Iron Skull declared. “Your town will now be my perpetual arena. Rise my soldiers! Rise and crush the pegasi you find, and crush them again when they respawn!”
Lightning struck the ground near everyone, and a dozen spectral ghosts materialized in the afterglow. They each wore the same or similar armor as the humanoid soldiers encountered at Sugar Cube corner, and each wielded a hammer identical to the one a rather puzzled Iron Will was still holding in his burly hands.
Even more perplexing as the soldiers turned to face the party, was that half of them appeared to be dragons, but still in bipedal form like Spike, although far, far older. Through the ethereal blue gloom of ectoplasm, everyone could see that their armor was looser and sparser, accommodating their wide scaly snouts and spiked tails. They stood exactly like their mysterious non-dragon comrades, hissing fiercely and poised to strike with their blunt weapons. Further lightning strikes in the surrounding streets indicated more of their kind were arriving.
At Twilight and Johnson’s immediate call, Rainbow Dash, Twilight’s remaining Guard, Iron Will, Sentry, Spike, and the two Royal soldiers formed up into a defensive group with whatever weapons and abilities were immediately available. The Iron Skull laughed again, her cackling causing Twilight’s rage to boil up as she listened. “Gah! When I get my hooves on Discord, I’ll....! Well, I can’t even say it in front of Spike!”
“Special announcement for you, human. You and your party may win this arena bout, if you fight through my army and make it to this settlement’s seat of government.” She paused dramatically. “If either you, the winged ground trotter, or the young alicorn should happen to meet your end at one of my warriors’ weapons, all of you will be forced right back here to start your task, all over again!” Iron Skull’s cackling ceased as her monologue drew to a close.
“I’m going to your city hall now. May the odds be forever in your favor!” Iron vanished from her place on the stoop in a wink of red light.
The party of armed ghost soldiers growled and hissed as they stepped closer. The living who were brave enough, glared at them. Twilight did so the most intensely, seeing her city being invaded in such a manner and taking it as almost a personal affront.
Next to the alicorn, Johnson checked that the Mark I was loaded, and readied it, peering through the sites. “Discord’s skulduggery, it’s getting old real quick.” He grumbled. At some point he had lit another Sweet William and was now puffing at it. Spike could almost swear the things seemed to practically teleport into the man’s mouth, without him even needing grab one out of his pocket. The little dragon contemplated it, as staring at the ghost dragons would only cause him to likely break into a panic.
Rainbow Dash sneered as she hovered next to the Sergeant Major, nodding in agreement. “Let’s get ready to own these fools!”
Colonel Davenport flinched as a rogue lightning bolt struck the ground a quarter mile away, lighting some small fields near the woods on fire. When the aroma of the smoke wafted over to him, Davenport sniffed at it and his eyes widened. “Hey, I think that’s coming from my Grandma’s farm! Wait, but that must mean... Oh no, Granny! And my weed! ”
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 11: Firefight on Ponyville Part One
“Your...what?” Twilight said with incredulity, not taking her eyes off the approaching ghosts.
“N...nothing. I’m uh, I’m just still worked up over the powder nearly exploding, I guess.” Colonel Davenport replied, rather hastily.
Johnson tapped Rainbow Dash on her shoulder with his free arm. “Heads up! One of the ecto-heads is getting ready to do something.”
“Aehta Drakonah! ” One of the dragon warriors suddenly hissed. Seeing the ghost of an adult dragon shout nearly made Spike want to faint.
One of the warrior’s spectral non-reptilian compatriots banged her hammer against her gauntleted wrist provocatively in agreement. “Aehta Drakonah ut Tudjesa, aehta Protizadi nar Atlatis! ” The female soldier bellowed. Several others mimicked the same action with their own hammers.
“What in Equestria do you think they’re saying?" Flash Sentry asked, hovering off the ground and aiming down the sights of his rifle. "Bunch of gibberish..."
“I dunno, but I don’t like the way they’re staring at me and Sentry here in particular.” Rainbow Dash answered back with a troubled gaze.
Twilight noticed a few spectral eyes gawking at her as well, an action she replied to in kind. “You’re not alone, Rainbow. Some of them keep staring at Spike, then Johnson, and then also at my horn and wings and seem to...hesitate .” Her pupils contracted as she inspected her slowly advancing enemy. “They seem confused, almost as if we’re not supposed to be their enemies.”
“But all Pegasi are? Why that’s just a load of...” Johnson said, nearly coughing on his cigar.
“...complete horse feathers! Let’s get em’!” Rainbow Dash interjected. The pegasus darted forward like one of the bolts of lightning raging in the rogue clouds above.
The most timeless of battle cries was more than enough to get the Sergeant Major’s battle adrenaline fully flowing. “You all heard the lady, move like ya gotta purpose!”
With that, the entire group charged against the oncoming ghosts. Twilight scooped Spike up onto her back with a grunt and cast a protective shield over him, just as the charging form of Rainbow Dash collided with a clump of seven ghosts. They were hopeless to stop her impact, which struck with enough force to render them into goo piles in an instant, leaving scattered ghostly hammers, a small crater, and the backwash of a tiny rainbow-colored mushroom cloud in her wake.
Johnson and Sentry both fired their weapons, followed by Davenport, Wexley, and Twilight’s guards. They could all feel the recoil of the dragon powder firearms rippling through their bodies, costing some amounts of stamina from their muscles, and in the case of the pegasi, from their wing membranes. More of the guards were now streaming out of the Manor, just in time to assist. Firearms and combat magic cracked in the air with the thunder, both on Princess Twilight’s grounds, and now from the surrounding streets beyond the perimeter walls. The Ponyville Army garrison, the town guard, and at least a few daring citizens were now putting up resistance.
A group of ghosts got the idea to toss their hammers before they could get cut down by rifle fire. This tactic succeeded in killing a few guards, who fell to the ground with massive fatal dents worn into the sides of their helmets. Their deaths were quickly followed by them reappearing, alive and healthy, in the exact same location they were at the beginning of the hostilities.
While she fought, Rainbow Dash wagered that the farmers and recluses were giving some of Iron’s ghosts on the outskirts of town one hell of a fight. If they were anything like Applejack or Big Macintosh, they most certainly were. Even unarmed, an earth pony in good shape was a potentially hyper lethal threat unless one happened to have caught them off guard.
Ghost after ghost fell from the impacting volleys of rifle rounds. Johnson emptied his entire clip–ten bullets–into the chests of a handful of the hammer wielding foes, dropping them. The bandanna skull flashed its icon in the periphery of his vision, as more fresh bullets materialized in the pockets of his fatigues.
While he was pleased by the Mark I’s performance and the blessing of infinite ammo, the (second) easily accomplished deaths of Johnson’s ghostly enemies rather perplexed him. “How come bullets can hurt these guys,” He loaded another clip's worth into the magazine and fire three more shots, pulling the lever with each subsequent discharge. “yet the punks back at the Sugar Cube Corner could only be beat by those weird plasma weapons they carried and dropped?”
Energy blasts from Twilight’s horn atomized two charging ghosts before she uttered a hasty reply. “Not sure, Johnson. Kind of like Pinkie Pie... I don’t think any of these skulls really have any true regard for our laws of physics. If true, it’s just one more reason we should all be very, very worried about them.”
“Isaac Newton must be rolling in his grave.” Johnson muttered, firing again.
“Who?” Sentry asked, sending a bullet speeding into another specter’s chest. The dragon spirit knelt down and clutched at her wound dramatically, before tumbling over and disintegrating.
“Nothing, just jabbering on about some ol’ Earth stuff.”
Sentry nodded as he fervently worked to reload his rifle-musket. He pulled the paper cartridge out of an armor pouch with his mouth, stuffed its contents into the muzzle of the rifle with a hoof, then the unicorn enchantments placed on the weapon finished the process, levitating all necessary munitions into place in under five seconds while the Captain rammed the muzzle loader into the barrel. “You know, Sergeant Major? You and I should talk sometime about your home planet, I’d like to know more when we’re not busy fighting angry armed spirits. Earth and the UNSC sounds very interesting.”
The orange-coated pegasus paused and surveyed the battle around him. “Would you suppress them for us, our guards and the two auxiliaries here need to reload.” Both Earth Pony Royal Soldiers scowled at Flash, then proceeded to load their weapons. Davenport and Wexley joined up with some of Twilight’s Guards. The stallions were forming a formation line for their rifles.
“Aeyup, it’d be a pleasure, but please hurry up. Goddamn Mister Ghostie ain't gonna kill himself for us! Just thank the high heavens none of those 'party golem' creatures are with them.” Johnson replied with a grunt as he dropped a few charging humanoids with head shots. “No peeking!” Inevitably, their heads imploded and popped in a cloud of confetti and cheer of childish delight, reducing them bodily to ectoplasmic goop.
Johnson engaged the hammer-wielding foes with the same basic, but effective formula. He treated them, dragons and the mysterious humanoids ghosts alike, as if they were unshielded Sangheili zealots. A head shot to drop one before it got too close; a simple duck or roll and a follow up blow or jab from the Mark I’s tempered mithril stock or barrel if they did manage to close in. The polished silverish metal which Johnson originally mistook for silver, was actually hard as steel but far lighter and an alloy all its own. It served the Sergeant Major’s melee purposes satisfyingly well.
Nearby, Iron Will laughed heartily as the much smaller bipeds tried to close in on him. Every attempt at even a single swipe of their hammers was rewarded by the skeleton-shattering blow of the Minotaur entrepreneur’s blunt instrument of ultra-assertive destruction. One of the humanoids eventually attempted to turn tail and flee. Iron Will laughed and grabbed the ghost by his shoulder, paying no mind that the ghost felt like a bucket of ice water in his grasp.
“Step one to being assertive: don’t be shy, look em’ in the eye!” The ghost struggled in the Minotaur’s grip. Iron Will could almost swear the ghost creature’s teeth were chattering as he dropped the ghostly hammer to the ground.
He lost his bravado as he saw that Iron Will meant business. “Ni! Ni! Tyre Aat ” The spirit shouted, holding his blue transparent palms vertically to indicate he was giving up. The Minotaur shrugged at the incomprehensible words, and swung his hammer, readying a devastating upper cut. “Baazik! ” The ghost cursed, before liquefying and breaking up as the hammer obliterated him.
Many of the ghost’s “surviving” comrades were meeting a similar fate from the nigh-omnipotent magic of Twilight Sparkle. Spike ducked, yelped, and hung for dear life as the alicorn beneath him maneuvered and ignited her horn repeatedly. After thirty seconds of this, over twenty ghosts had been dispatched by her attacks, with several more taking hits from Johnson and company’s projectiles at a steady rate. Twilight paused and smirked, admiring her contribution to the battle.
Her longtime assistant was in the midst of offering her congratulations, when Spike noticed something off to her side, well beyond Twilight’s peripheral vision. “Twilight!” he cried. “Incoming! ”
Twilight could scarcely turn around in the brief expanse of time, let alone defend herself. Neither Rainbow Dash nor Johnson could move a muscle in time to react either. A dragon soldier was three feet from her and Spike, their hammer poised to strike down at her flank; a move that, if successful, would knock Twilight to the ground and render her vulnerable to a potentially fatal blow.
For Spike, now was the time to act. He was driven by pure instinct as he drew a massive breath of oxygen into his lungs then let loose an almighty tempest, a jet of flame unusually large in proportion to a dragon of his size and age. Twilight turned about to face the foe her old friend had just valiantly dispelled.
The spectral draconic warrior was convulsing and flailing his taloned hands in the air, Spike’s flames searing away at his scaly ectoplasmic form and deteriorating it to an unremarkable blue slime like so many of his fallen comrades in the surrounding area.
“Woah! Did anypony say barbecue! ” Flash Sentry blurted out, chortling maniacally.
“What would ponies even barbecue, anyway?” Wexley queried in a deadpan voice.
“Don’t cross the streams.” Davenport whispered, watching the dragon spirit burn.
Spike and everyone else watched in amazement as the flaming ghost let out an enraged howl, then promptly exploded in a cloud of blue, crimson, and orange. The release of stray ectoplasm slimed everyone in the vicinity, splattering them with blobs of the otherworldly substance.
“Thanks Spike! You...really just saved my fur right now!” Twilight breathed and huffed, still reeling from the shock. “That’s the last time I ever pause in a battle.”
“Spike, that was amazing!” Rainbow Dash cheered, laughing and exhilarated.
“Damn good work saving the Princess, son!” The pegasus and the marine beamed at the baby dragon then quickly rejoined the fray, while Twilight and Spike exchanged deeply confused looks.
Spike giggled nervously and shrugged. “Heh heh, I didn’t even know I had it in me!”
All remaining ghosts were soon wiped out with a succession of lightning strikes and hoof blows from Rainbow Dash, and the others’ salvos of spells and bullets. The Princess’ guards cheered and sighed in relief as the last spirits fell in their dramatic, exaggerated manners. Closely resembling Shakespearean stage actors, they perished in flamboyant ways: clutching with disbelief at their bullet wounds, falling slowly, giving final weak salutes to their comrades, and solemnly uttering a phrase or two in their exotic tongue to the raging skies above.
“Imagine how weird they must have been on the battlefield when they were alive” Davenport remarked as he saw the last one nearest him disintegrated into a puddle.
“I bet they were tough sons of bitches, once. Looks like Bonehead’s ghostly welcoming wagon has been put to rest.” Johnson declared, puffing out a cloud of cigar smoke as he wiped some ectoplasm off of him. “Yuck!”
Twilight’s lungs heaved an immense sigh of relief. “Yeah, I'm elated that we all made it out in one piece! That was certainly something .” She said with a smile. It quickly vanished as gunfire and commotion echoed towards her from the streets, causing Twilight to snap to attention. “Johnson, Sweet Apple Acres and the smaller local farms might be in danger of wildfires from all this rampant lightning. Some of us will have to go out to check on them while the rest secure the town and save anyone who needs help!”
“We need to make sure Fluttershy, AJ, and the others are alright, too. They should still be at Sugar Cube Corner attending one of Pinkie Pie’s recent parties. I want to put all these ectoplasmic creeps to rest more than anypony else in this entire town, but not until I know we’re all accounted for!” Rainbow Dash added urgently, shifting her gaze from Johnson to Twilight and back while panting with exertion from her martial efforts.
Everybody was about to discuss carrying out the three new objectives, when an all too familiar chuckle echoed all around them from the direction of Ponyville town hall.
The voice of the Iron Skull rang in their ears, her hammer sigil appearing in one of the larger banks of storm clouds. “Very well done, inhabitants of Ponyville, very well done indeed! This is only the first wave of my soldiers, and you made surprisingly easy work of them. But of course this is only the first wave–a taste of what is to come. You have earned a minor reward for your efforts thus far: a checkpoint system has been enacted. Should either the alicorn or human happen to have the misfortune of dying, you will be reset here, once again. Take heed, you mustn't be foolish and grow complacent. The death of both your alicorn and your human will start this grandiose battle anew, Ponyville! Not that it would bother me at all." Iron chuckled again, then her voice faded away into the backdrop of the storm.
Rainbow Dash peered up at the skies with disdain, while the others formed together to discuss what to do next. Twilight already had a game plan in mind, but first something else was an order. Something to rile up everyone’s spirits.
Her royal instinct, one that had taken many long months to cultivate and refine, was now in full show. It was demonstrated through everything from her straight posture, to her steely gaze, to the calm but firm cadence of her voice.
“Everyone, listen up! It’s clear now, these skulls are no mere mischief from Discord.” Twilight nudged at a fallen ghost’s hammer with a hoof. “War , has come to Equestria. Canterlot might not have declared it against an enemy of our Kingdom yet, but we can no longer deny that it’s here. And unfortunately, our peaceful town of Ponyville has become the first battleground. The entity within the Iron skull is putting our people at risk with her delusional desire to reenact something from a past age; a darker era that has no relevancy to our modern idyllic world! What we need to do now is win this battle, and send Iron and all her ghost army straight back to Tartarus!”
“Bring it on, we’re ready!” Rainbow cheered, while Iron Will rapped his fingers against his giant hammer with mounting anticipation. Flash Sentry twirled his sidearm idly with a wing as he listened. The pair of Equestrian soldiers and all of Twilight's guards applauded, stamping their hooves into the stepping stones or manicured lawn. The ground was quickly becoming chaotic, between the occasional bouts of torrential rain from the storm above, and the fighting all around.
“Yeah, teach them pick on something their own size...and uh, also ghosts like them, I guess.” Spike declared.
“Our citizens are under threat from these frightening apparitions, and our livelihoods–our very families –may be in jeopardy.” Twilight continued, before pointing a hoof at a Avery Johnson, who was applauding her as well. “However, only our enemies should fear this raging storm, for we have something they don’t, a hero from another world! Johnson, appointed champion of Princess Luna herself, generously pledged himself to aide in the defense of Equestria.” The young alicorn turned with a light smile, to address the Sergeant Major personally. “As the Element of Magic and reigning Princess over all of Ponyville, I would like to offer you my eternal gratitude for everything you have done so far. And now, with my thanks offered, I must make a great request of you, Sergeant Major.”
“Just name it, Your Highness. Heck, following orders is two-thirds the reason I’m here.” Johnson said with a two-thirds serious light smile, symbolizing his own words.
“Thank you, Johnson. You know what I’ve suggested we do, then there’s the equally important matter of finding the rest of mine and Rainbow Dash’s friends. We’ll need all the Elements of Harmony together, just in case!”
“Agreed. I’ve heard of what you six can do together; amazing things.”
Twilight nodded. “So, Johnson, what are your orders?”
The Sergeant Major didn’t hesitate for even a second. “Mister Will, Colonel Davenport, Wexley, I want you three to stay here with Spike and some of the guards, hold down the fort.”
Both Spike and Iron Will nodded, and the soldiers saluted. “You got it, Johnson. If any ghosts show their puny little heads, I’ll give them a free seminar on how to deal with trespassers! I’ll have plenty of volunteers for demonstration purposes. Yeah!” The minotaur flexed his muscles for emphasis.
Johnson took out his Sweet William and pointed it at Flash. “Very nice. Captain Sentry, round up all the rest of Her Highness' boys, the local garrison included, and secure the streets, protect those civilians. Send some spare hooves out to check on the farmsteads if and wherever possible!”
Just as the unicorn Marius appeared from a doorway carrying a shiny tray covered by a silver lid, Sergeant Johnson turned to Twilight and Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow, Princess, you’re with me! We’ll be fighting our way straight to Sugar Cube Corner, rally your friends, then clean this town up block by block, starting with Sweet Apple Acres!”
One minor detail was bothering Dash. “Wait, don’t you remember what Miss Bonehead said? If the both of you happen to...”
“That’s a gamble we’re willing to take.” Twilight and Johnson said in unison.
Rainbow Dash relented, giggling. “Ah, to hay with it! Why was I even worried? We’re unstoppable anyways!”
Johnson largely shared her sentiment. He raised his voice so everyone could hear him. “A little something about how we are to further engage Bonehead and her army of Ouija board freaks.... They fight for Iron, so we’ll give them sons of bitches a face full of steel, and a bellyful of lead! This is your homeland, we have the home field advantage! We will fight Ghostie so hard and so fierce that he’ll come back to life, waltz right on up to the great golden throne of Mother Celestia the Almighty, and beg to be killed again!”
"Captain, why don't we use colorful language like that in our weekly Guard speeches?" One of the Sentry's stallions wondered.
Sentry assumed a pompous expression and adopted his posh Canterlot accent again. "Because, classy sophisticates like us should never stain our lips with cursing."
Captain Sentry and the guards he was assembling collectively cheered at Johnson's speech, then they gallop-marched out of the back of the grounds with their weapons in tow. Iron Will let Spike climb onto his shoulder, meanwhile as they discussed a defense plan with the pair of earth pony soldiers.
That was when Twilight finally noticed her head butler standing next to her, carrying his tray. “Marius, what are you up to? This isn’t really the best time for meals or tea.”
“Quite right, Your Highness.” Marius cleared his throat, the lifted the tray lid. Twilight was still expecting to see a steaming bowl of split-pea soup, or even a large collection of baked hayfries, instead her jaw dropped slightly. Mister Melody chuckled. “I figured Johnson or one of you might find these hoof grenades of yours, rather convenient. I certainly don’t see your scientists having any constructive usage for them, holed up in your Manor as they are.”
It was rather awkward for Twilight when she realized she had forgotten about her magma-based fragmentation grenade project. She had been rather caught up with testing her new rifle and showing Johnson around the expansive property. Twilight smiled sheepishly as she levitated the long, narrow explosives, attached together on a magically reinforced silk belt, into her saddle bag.
“Ah, thank you very much. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of these, just one could take out half a dozen of Iron’s ghosts!” The alicorn cast a magical ward on their primers to prevent an accidental (potentially catastrophic) detonation should she ever bump them into anything with excessive force. Twilight then trotted over to Johnson and Rainbow Dash. “Okay, ready. Let’s....kick some ass? Would that be an appropriate human turn of phrase? I don’t remember hearing any such thing when I crossed through that mirror a few years ago...”
Johnson beamed at Twilight. “Ha, ha, aeyup! That’s the spirit!” he exclaimed, then put his hands to his hips. “Excellent, Twilight’s got some frags and her omnipotent magic. I have an old fashioned single-action made from heaven all locked and loaded,”
“Don’t forget a blunderbuss!” Davenport explained, producing a large rifle that had a wide, tuba-like muzzle. He tossed the firearm and a bag of black powder and ammunition over to Johnson. “It might be convenient to use in those tight corners, alleys, buildings and such.”
“Thanks soldier! Now where was I? Oh, and Rainbow here has the power of Superman and can use this storm to our advantage.”
“Heck yeah I can!” Rainbow Dash agreed, nudging him playfully in the shoulder. “Like I said before, let’s own these fools!”
Strapping the blunderbuss to his back and holding the Mark I at the ready, Johnson waved towards the front of Twilight Manor. “Damn right, let’s move! It’s time to gather the rest of the Elements of Harmony!”
As the malevolent spirit inhabiting the Iron Skull magically observed from town hall, the alicorn, marine, and pegasus tore a swath through her ghost ‘army’ in the streets. They were traveling towards a business designed to resemble an oversized gingerbread house, and Iron's hammer-wielding melee units in the way were almost useless against them.
In other areas of the town, lines of earth pony and unicorn Army regulars were riddling squads of the ghost soldiers with combat spells and rifle rounds under the command of some pegasi commander. Dozens of Royal Guards were close by, in line with them or providing support and cover from the skies and roofs.
Their determination to defend the town, coupled with the alicorn and human’s combined leadership, was threatening to cut Iron’s grand battle short. “Perhaps the checkpoint was a little too generous?” she pondered.
Finally free after centuries of tedious boredom as a part of Discord’s private magical skull collection, Iron simply could not allow such a thing as an early defeat. They had been foolish enough to try and destroy her, so surely they would have to pay the price for their brash arrogance. The spirit decided to begin a new measure. To send some new things that would level the playing field; up the ante in an otherwise one-sided firefight. She cackled and chortled as she pictured how pleased her former draconequus caretaker would truly be, when he saw the chaotic power of what she had in store for Ponyville’s valiant defenders in just a few minutes’ time.
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 12: Firefight on Ponyville Part Two
Outside Sugar Cube Corner, battle raged in the streets of Ponyville. With a half-sincere nod of respect to her longtime chaotic draconequus caretaker, the entity occupying the Iron Skull had taken every liberty possible to make her vacation away from Discord as enjoyable as possible. The ants inhabiting this tiny backwater of a settlement had simply refused to let her loiter about in peace like any normal piece of decor, so now Iron spared no expense in drowning Ponyville in a mire of antics, both dangerous and ridiculous, to sate her boredom.
Iron had been enchanted in ages long past, to cast failure jinxes, forced immortality, frustration, and task repetition upon her nation's (or owner's) foes, so she detected such things automatically. The bakery the alicorn and her human and pony cohorts were approaching positively reeked of failure and task repetition.
Before her antagonists could reach it, the Iron Skull diverted a squad of soldiers to attack the establishment, just to spite them. The patrons inside were seemingly oblivious to the ruckus outside, as they were in the midst of a Pinkie Pie-scale party.
“I can't believe how long it took to clean up all that ghost goop,” Mr. Cake said, relieved.
Mrs. Cake watched as Pinkie Pie's friends and other customers took part in the festivities.
“It would have taken double the time if Pinkie hadn't been around to help, dear. That girl has almost as much energy as you, me, and the twins combined!” Mrs. Cake whispered in Mr. Cake's ear.
Her husband nodded as they both observed Pinkie Pie dancing on top of a table, wearing a crazy grin on her face. Applejack was to her right, looking up and giggling so hard that she occasionally made snorting noises. Fluttershy was standing a considerable distance away from the dancing revelers, watching Pinkie Pie and Applejack awkwardly. Rarity stood next to her, also observing the earth pony duo, with her eyebrow raised. She levitated a glass of punch beside her.
“I suppose you're right, honey,” Mr. Cake chuckled. Both of them shared a laugh. A sharp ding then issued from the kitchen.
“Ooh, I think the big cake is finished!” Cup Cake exclaimed, as she rushed in to check the ovens. Mr. Cake smiled and followed in after her. When they opened the oven, a large black puff of smoke greeted them, comically covering their faces in soot.
“What...but how?” Carrot Cake sputtered. The cake for Pinkie Pie's ongoing party now closely resembled a large lump of solid coal. “We set the timer to the correct time, didn't we, dear?”
“To the millisecond,” Cup Cake answered, absolutely flabbergasted.
“Great, now what?”
“I guess we'll just have to start over again. Quick, fetch me the eggs! I'll get ready to start some new batter.”
Carrot Cake nodded and headed towards the fridge. As he opened it, the Cakes' metal mixing bowl and the frosting mix can suddenly burst into flames. “How! Why?” Cup Cake said with alarm, reeling back and twitching her eye in disbelief.
Mr. Cake giggled nervously. “How about I just go and fetch another mixing bowl, huh?”
Back in the front room, Pinkie Pie's hyper-dancing had caught some attention. A small crowd had formed around her table, eager to see what else their host could impress them with.
“Hey, Pinkie Pie! Can you juggle?” Applejack asked, still giggling slightly.
“Are parasprites cute, deadly, and have permanently hungry tummies? That's a silly question, AJ!” Pinkie giggled. “Watch this!” She produced seven items from the air and began to juggle them with her forehooves. Rarity stepped closer, with Fluttershy following. Her face was worrisome.
“Pinkie Pie, darling....Are you quite certain you should be juggling all those things like that?”
“Don't worry, I'm a super-duper master at this! See? Tada...” Before Pinkie Pie could finish, the table collapsed beneath her, causing both her and her items to topple over. A rubber chicken, three straw dolls, an inactive bomb with messages scrawled on it, a black unicorn horn, and an ominous-looking little brown cloth sack all fell to the floor with a loud clatter.
Nearby, some customers who attempted to eat their sundaes or drink their smoothies soon discovered, much to their extreme dissatisfaction, that their glasses inexplicably slipped out of their grasps and were shattering on the floor. They were not alone; some of the other party goers also began suffering from sudden memory loss, forgetting their own favorite dance routines. The whole open floor space was soon full of confused dancers who fumbled into each other and various furniture, causing further commotion.
Frustrated mumbling began filling up the bakery, followed by alarmed gasps as the front entrance doors were rudely kicked open. Pinkie Pie was quick to notice the party's shift in tone. “Hey, what's the big idea?” she inquired, getting up and shaking wood debris off her coat like a dog.
“What in tarnation has got you all so...” Applejack stopped short when she noticed what was staring at her and the others, over at the door. “Uh-oh. Things look like they're bout' to get a little hairy!”
“Hey guys, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, those ghosties are back again,” Pinkie Pie pointed out in agitation, her ears flat. She did not appreciate buzz-kill undead coming out of their way just to crash one of her famous parties like they had a few days ago. “I don't think they brought a magical cranium with them this time.”
“That's fine, dear, just be sure to tell them to clean up after themselves this time, and don't scare away our customers!” Mrs. Cake called back from the kitchen. Mr. Cake sighed in frustration, while a new smoke cloud drifted out from their door.
The newly arrived ghosts scanned the crowd slowly. Their apparent leader, judging by his armor stature and tall elaborate helmet, drew dual wielded pistol-like weapons from his hips when the smoke cloud from the burnt cake in the kitchen drifted over to him. In gruff, thickly accented Equestrian, he shouted, “I smell failure! ”
All of the ghost commander's subordinates started to mumble in both their exotic tongue and small strings of badly pronounced Equestrian. When all of them noticed Fluttershy, Crescent, Thunderlane, and other pegasi present, they too drew their hammers and ranged weapons.
“I see winged ground trotters!”
“I see dead people...”
“Equinoki! ”
"I shout random words in Legendary Folk language!"
“Must defeat cloud trotters!”
“Akra! Attack!” Ghost commander barked, waving his pistols forward.
By now, Applejack and the others had finally noticed what was going on past the ghosts, in the streets outside.
“Oh my!” Rarity gasped, Fluttershy tensed up and instinctively backed away behind her.
“Girls, Ponyville's under attack!” Applejack exclaimed rapidly, giving the intruders a death glare. “Let's deal with these varmints, then find Rainbow, Twi, and that human soldier Ah've been hearin' so much about. Whatever is going down, together we'll put an end to it!” Pinkie and Rarity grunted in agreement, while Fluttershy let out an uncertain squeak.
Their ghostly foes were approaching at a slow, menacing pace, before Pinkie Pie chirped loudly, “Let's get em'!”
“Look, I think something's going down at Sugar Cube Corner already!” Twilight Sparkle said, pointing towards the bakery down the road.
“Quick, we better hurry up and get in there, before more of Bonehead's squads follow us,” Johnson replied, holding Twilight’s experimental rifle in the air, barrel up. His most recent hostile lay in both a thick puddle and smoking crater beside him. It would seem not even the ghost of a long-dead dragon warrior was any match for a determined legendary marine and his faithful blunderbuss, of which was currently secured to said marine's back once again.
The market plaza they were in, the one in front of the Corner, was currently clear of active ghosts now, but also empty of any bystanders or town defenders, whom were currently occupied in other neighborhoods and districts. Ectoplasm pools and random abandoned weapons lay scattered about the cobblestone and grass, all indicators of the Iron entity’s implied martial incompetence, as well as her chaotic nature as one of Discord's prized possessions.
Rainwater was already beginning to wash the ectoplasmic goop away into the drainage grates along the streets.
“Applejack is tough, she and the others can take care of whatever skull-ghosts that are dumb enough to attack Sugar Cube Corner a second time.” Rainbow Dash declared. She finished pummeling the ghost she had a grip on with her hooves. The armored humanoid fell limp, then disintegrated. “Let's go!”
The trio sprinted towards the bakery, with Rainbow and Johnson carefully scanning the alleyways between the houses and shops for ghosts or ponies. They spotted a few brawls here and there, whose outcomes were not seen.
Upon reaching the entrance, Twilight and Johnson had to dodge out of the way, as the serene-looking pink-painted door burst open without warning.
“Incoming!” Twilight cried out.
“What the fudge!” Johnson exclaimed.
One of the spectral fiends went flying out the threshold, coming to a solid stop as they collided loudly with a row of metal trashcans. “...rosebud...” the transparent soldier murmured, before going limp and dissolving.
“THAT'LL TEACH YA!” a rurally-accented voice shouted.
“Applejack,” Rainbow Dash explained, beaming as her friend appeared at the doorway. Pinkie Pie and the others were close behind her. “Johnson, meet Applejack. AJ, meet Johnson.”
Applejack glared intensely for a moment at the row of trashcans. Her and the rest of the girls were covered in ghost ectoplasm, and AJ's mane had come untied. Her glare melted into a huge grin when she turned her gaze to the human. “Well howdy, Sergeant Major!”
She sounds like friggin Stacker, Johnson thought. He gave her a quick wave. “A pleasure to be of your acquaintance, ma'am. Hey Pinkie!”
“Hi Johnson!” Pinkie Pie answered back sweetly.
“Ditto.” Applejack said. “Hey Johnson, lemme introduce ya to...”
“Not to be rude, everypony, but we'll have to save the introductions for later,” Twilight interjected urgently. She pointed to something in the plaza, then prodded the satchel of grenades at her side. “We've got company!”
A large lance of around fourteen ghosts were jogging in a triangle pattern, moving up the plaza and heading straight towards them.
“Oh no, not again.” Fluttershy whimpered.
“Covering fire!” Johnson declared. “If you're gonna fight, get a position, if not, take cover inside pronto!” He opened up with the Mark I. A single round impacted a ghost at the head of the group, dropping them instantly. “Hey, bastards, I got each of you a lead-flavored ticket straight back to...wherever your people go when they die.”
A follow up shot effortlessly put another of the specters down for the count. The others started murmuring in anger, as they took cover from the Sergeant Major's attack. They were now suppressed.
“Twilight, conjure up some of yer fancy magical shields, Ah think a few of these rascals have got themselves some kind of newfangled firearm I ain't ever seen before!”
“Good thinking,” Twilight agreed. The alicorn fired up her horn, while Fluttershy shook nervously next to Pinkie Pie. “Hmm, now I saw this arrangement in an ancient Unicornian battle-tactics manual. Here goes...”
Twilight continued to prepare her shields, while Pinkie Pie flashed the still whimpering Fluttershy a reassuring grin. She then pulled two old Royal Army combat helmets out and put one on each of their heads. Both were identical, made of the silvery metal called mithril, and topped with blue corinthian plumes. Fluttershy's plume and helm overall was in fair condition, but Pinkie Pie's plume was ragged, and the metal left unpolished. The head gear dinged quietly as the heavy raindrops above impacted their tops. While Twilight’s shields cropped up in tactically prudent positions, Rarity's mane was being laid siege to by the armies of pouring rain.
She donned a third helmet from Pinkie Pie after some encouragement from the latter that one cannot have super-duper fun, when their hair and mane is wet and they're super-duper miserable.
Pulling grenades out of her satchel bag, Twilight distributed them to everyone. “Those ghosts are taking cover in clusters, like over at that house. These creations of mine should clear them out.”
“So...we...we have to toss bombs at living creatures, now?” Fluttershy ask, not savoring the thought in even the tiniest bit as she cautiously held the explosive in her hoof.
“Eeyup.” Sergeant Johnson replied.
“If it's of any consolation, Flutters, these are ghosts. They're not alive . Not only that, they're evil ghosts, attacking our homes. Try to think of them as you would Changelings, if ya have to.” Rainbow Dash instructed.
“That's more than enough for me!” Applejack said.
“Yea verily!” Pinkie Pie agreed.
“Okay everyone, get ready to toss on my...” Twilight began.
“No time, darling! Abrakasomething! ” Rarity cried out suddenly as she primed, then telekinetically blind-threw her own grenade out from cover.
With a sharp bang, the magma grenade detonated, spewing white-hot lava out in a designated radius. It melted a massive portion of a water tower's wooden base, causing it to collapse towards a nearby house. It collided with the side, tearing down a wall on the second floor and revealing the inside, while destroying all the ghosts that had been caught in the falling rubble and water below.
A pony had been casually bathing in his tub, until he realized that his exterior wall had been forcefully transformed into a massive window. “What the hell!” the bather shouted.
“...signal.” Twilight finished, with her mouth agape. "Sorry up there!"
“Ooh, I wanna try too!” Pinkie Pie got excited, tossing her grenade as another group of ghosts began to advance again. “Everypony duck!”
“No! Pinkie Pie, please wait for my signal...”
Almost all of them were obliterated, the few stragglers sprinting back to cover, farther away. Twilight sighed, and gave Johnson a hopeless look. He chuckled and shrug apologetically. “Greenhorns' energy. You could power a starship with it.” he remarked.
“You know what? Just go ahead and toss em' all, you guys. Try not to burn down a building, or me and Mayor Mare will have to have a longer chat when this is all over as it is.” The princess deadpanned.
“Ah yeah, hotsy-totsy!” Rainbow exclaimed with pseudo-psychotic glee.
All remaining grenades left their positions at the entrance of Sugar Cube Corner. Each one detonated near a group of hapless ghosts. After the grenade barrage, the entire lance of soldiers were now nothing more than glowing green goop, slowly being swept into the sewer system.
Avery Johnson was beginning to feel pumped, like on the fateful day he was the first human to kill a member of the Covenant above Harvest. “Girls, if you were human, there would be a place of honor for each of ya within my Beloved Corps. If it weren't for Discord's skulls, I don't see how you'd be needing me around here. You may or may not have the discipline, or the training of a soldier at the moment, but ya definitely have the hearts of heroes!”
Suddenly, without any warning, lightning struck nearby and Iron cackled like a madwoman. Her skull icon flashed in the periphery of Johnson’s vision. It was accompanied this time by the magically conjured words: Checkpoint...done.
“Heroes indeed, heroes indeed! ” she laughed again. “It's so easy, isn't it? How you cut through my battalions like a scythe through wheat.”
Rainbow took flight and searched the stormy sky frantically. “Show yourself, Bonehead! We can take anything you throw at us! Just stop wasting everyone's time and surrender already.” Lightning increased in intensity as the pegasus uttered her taunt to the storm.
“Where's the fun in that?” Iron challenged. “Prepare for more of my soldiers! Behold, a boon for making it this far.” A dozen sleek, advanced-looking energy rifles resembling the style of weaponry the ghosts wielded fell from the sky and landed within reach of the group. Curiously, all of them were surprisingly solid, and not ethereal or transparent like their counterparts.
Upon a brief inspection, Applejack discovered that bundles of small, glowing cylinders had fallen with them, likely ammunition of some kind.
“Princess Twilight!” A voice urgently called out from an adjacent street. “Princess Twilight!” It was a contingent of Twilight’s Royal Guards. “We've cleared our assigned district of any and all hostile ghosts, Your Highness,” The squad's leader explained. “With no no civilians to evacuate, we decided to report to your side, at once!”
“Good timing.” Twilight responded, with relief. “Get your marksman in position, and have your spell casters create more barriers like mine.” The rubble from the collapsed water tower had formed extra cover further out in the plaza. Twilight's guards immediately got to work fortifying it for a prolonged attack, erecting shields and digging in.
“Rise my army! Rise and crush the winged ground trotters, and any who support them!” The Iron Skull laughed once more, then her presence faded away back into the storm from whence it came.
“More ghosts, coming in from the forward alleyways. We got what look like marksman up on some balconies...I got em!”
A trio of rifle-wielding humanoids on the balconies fired plasma bolts down at them, but the storm stifled their aiming severely. Three rifle shots from the Mark I later, and the balconies were clear. “Goddamn amateurs.”
Twilight lauded Johnson's accuracy, then seized the momentary peace the marine officer had bought by issuing orders to her friends. “Fluttershy, keep inside the bakery, make sure everyone in there stays calm and doesn't try to run out.”
“Oh my, right away!”
“Rainbow, I need you to mount the roof of Sugar Cube Corner and be our spotter. If you can fire that thing, pick a couple off if possible, too.”
“On it, Twi!”
“AJ, I want you and Johnson to join my guards up there, hold the plaza.”
“You got it, Princess,” Johnson nodded.
“What about you and Rarity?” Applejack inquired, worried.
Before Twilight could answer, Rarity was already following the young alicorn's train of thought. “These look like some kind of ray gun energy weapons from those sci-fi movies Spike talks about sometimes, darling. Why, I'd wager that with a sufficient addition of magical energy, we could potentially double the damage output of these barbaric instruments of warfare!”
“Exactly!” Twilight agreed, smiling. “So, what do you think?”
AJ had arose onto her hind legs, and had one of the rifles held in her hooves. She cocked a mechanism on the rifle's side. “Well, Ah'd reckon we'll be swimming in a sea of ectoplasm, then. Let's go, Sergeant Major, if you'd be so kind.”
“Right behind ya.”
Her tilted posture confused Johnson greatly. Out of the corner of his eye, she looked almost identical to a Kig-Yar marksman, without their shield gauntlets. That same awkward crouch-stance, the distance from the chest to the rifle, the tilt of Applejack's head, it positively screamed jackal.
Fortunately for Johnson's sense of ease, Kig-Yar did not have vibrant coats of fur, their hind legs didn't end in hooves, nor had any Johnson encountered, ever sound like a female version of Marcus Stacker. He sighed, lit a Sweet William under the shelter of his hat, then hurried after the golden earth pony.
“Hey! What about me? ” Pinkie Pie asked, upset that she had not been given a task like the others.
Twilight had to pause and think for a moment. “I...suppose you could join Johnson and Applejack out there in the plaza, me and Rarity aren't leaving the stoop, here. We need to stay and focus our magic.
“Okay!” Pinkie chirped, darting over next to Johnson, who tilted away from her for a second in surprise.
“Man, it's gonna take ages getting used to that,' he said. “Hey Pinkie Pie, how in the heck is Applejack able to be using that rifle? Your guys' own hoof-operated rifles and muskets already seem a bit too fantastic to believe.”
Pinkie Pie paused, looked over at AJ, who was watching the alleyways, then look conspiratorially back at Johnson. She held out her forehooves, grinned, then sprouted four stubby pink digits out of them. The Sergeant Major stared at her, positively slack-jawed.
The human's expression remained as the fragile-looking fingers disappeared back into Pinkie Pie's hooves, a term Johnson was now not entirely sure was one hundred percent accurate to describe the equinoid alien's appendages.
“Retractable fingers, silly. They're an ancient earth pony secret! A lot of ponies don't even realize we have em'.” Pinkie Pie explained with an excited whisper, giggling. The strange duo then linked up with Applejack.
From his new vantage point, Sergeant Johnson could now make out in full, the size of the ghost attack force Iron had just sent against them. "Lord have mercy." There must have been at least two hundred in the small space of both the alleyways, and the main street. They were forming into rows, likely readying to commence some kind of wave-based offensive.
While Pinkie Pie enthusiastically gave some of the energy rifles to the various guards, telling them jokingly that they were now in the middle of a real-life science fiction film, Applejack and Johnson got into comfortable positions. Twilight and Rarity succeeded in amplifying their magics, and Rainbow Dash provided valuable tips and cover from up high. Inside the bakery, Fluttershy even managed to convince the unicorns near her to lend their own energy in to help Twilight.
With this potent combination, the waves of ghost attackers in the plaza didn't stand a chance. In just a few short minutes, everyone was already gathered out in the middle of the plaza, cheering and wiping an ocean's worth of glowing ghost goo out of their armor and fur, the rain being an ally in that endeavor.
After everyone had taken several moments to catch a breather, converse, and either stow or finally get used to their strange new weapons, Rainbow Dash looked approvingly around, then nodded at Johnson. “Alright, everypony’s together, and we've taken care of Iron's hordes of ghost losers in this area. Now it’s time to get the heck over to Sweet Apple Acres, and make sure there aren't any brush fires out in the boondocks from all this lightning!"
“You’re tellin’ me!” Applejack exclaimed, positioning herself closest to the door. “Who knows what those ghosts might be doing to mah orchards, and also the lightning! We need to clean out every part of town before they cause anymore damage than they already have!” She watched as distant fights continued on between guards, armed citizens, and ghost soldiers several blocks away.
“And make the streets safe again, so nopony else can get hurt,” Fluttershy added with a gentle murmur.
“Great plan, wipe all these dumb undead bugs right off the map for good!” Johnson agreed. “After you, Princess Twilight.”
Twilight nodded. However, she then oddly remained in place. Instead of leading everyone to rejoin the fight for the rest of Ponyville, she turned towards Rainbow Dash, and stared at her with a weird, expressionless face.
Rainbow returned her gaze with bemusement.
“What are you doing, Twi?”
Everyone else nonchalantly stood idle and fiddled with their possessions, while facing the direction of Sweet Apple Acres and awaiting Twilight’s move. Rarity levitated her firearm at her side, and fussed over her rain-soaked coat, while Fluttershy stood awkwardly and started whistling a familiar melody. Twilight however, did not respond to Dash, and just kept staring.
"..."
Rainbow Dash blinked at her. “Hey, do you have a pair of socks I can borrow?”
"…"
She stared at Fluttershy, who started back wide-eyed. “Umm....uh, it's not that I'm too afraid or anything...it's just if I chase a ghost, then I catch it, and then I don't know what to do....eek! Ghosts!" the pegasus buried her face behind her mane.
“...”
Twilight then turned and stared at Applejack with the same expression. AJ looked annoyed. “Dear diary...creepy Twilicorn is starin’ at me again,” she muttered. “Let's jus' go.”
Twilight smiled pleasantly, seemingly back to normal. “Okay...after you, AJ!”
“The ponies in this town must be real crazy sometimes.” Johnson muttered, as he and the others followed Applejack over to Sweet Apple Acres.
Pinkie Pie nudged him as they went along. “You don't know the half of it,” she whispered. “I swear, that gray pony who stands on the marble block near town hall all day has it out for me! Always staring and standing still whenever I'm around trying to say hi...”
While the denizens of Ponyville fought against the latest bout of Discord’s pesky pernicious skulls, perhaps the most dangerous of them yet, one of the area’s more reclusive residents watched the raging storm clouds the entity named Iron had summoned to aid in her arena-based chaos scheme. She did so with a more far more subdued composure than her vibrantly-coated counterparts outside the reaches of the sprawling forest would have.
Rainwater from the dense forest canopy drizzled down and formed a mist around her black and white mo-hawked-mane. The liquid left the fine hair wet and glistening as she stood on the damp ground, ground that threatened to turn to a sodden muck the further one ventured from her forest hut.
Zecora was not usually known for outward displays of celebration, quite unlike the pink-furred pony back in town she happened to know. However, Zecora was aware of what the raging storm meant for Ponyville. And witnessing the rapidly moving slivers of steel-gray sky that could be seen through breaks in the trees, would normally be enough to keep a placid expression on her face, were it not for the unwelcome pair of guests the zebra had standing in her yard before her. Her intense, cyan-blue eyes narrowed as she returned her attention to them from the roaring skies and waterfall-esque tree limbs above.
“Well, West Islander, are you willing to do this service for Caesar or aren’t you? Roam rewards those who serve her quite generously,” One of the two strangers declared, growing impatient the more the rain soaked through her cloak and cowl. The loose black linen garment concealed herself and her colleague’s identities well, but it incidentally did little to hold back the torrential rain of the Everfree.
“It also so happens, that the Empire frowns heavily upon zebras who would choose foreigners, Equestrians, before their own kind. You can either help us and fulfill your duty to your Caesar in the process, or bring trouble down upon not only yourself, but also the entire town of Ponyville in the near future,” The other, a male, added with a hint of venom in his voice. “That is, assuming those infernal apparitions haven't destroyed it already.
Here now, were two Roamans, not only intruding onto her property and demanding her service without even the slightest effort of a polite greeting, but whom also went so far as to threaten her and those she cared for? Zecora would not have it, not even in the slightest. Her voice came out low and dangerous, and her muzzle pulled into a displeased frown, one even more bitter than the last. “Beware, agents of Caesar. Beware!”
Zecora pointed a hoof at them both. “Obedience and service you shall never receive from me. Not even for your greatest fee!”
At this point the herbalist had taken a step forward, causing the pair of Roaman agents to instinctively retreat a few paces back, leaving their jagged hoofprints in the mud. The cloaked mare slowly reached for the circular grip of the gladius at her side hidden under the cloak, anticipating a fight.
“Never again dare to appear in my sight, or else you’d better prepare for a fight! Now begone, agents of Caesar. Leave now, with your talk of empty threats and daggers in the dark. Leave this forest, lest its beasts leave upon you, their ghastly mark.”
The Roamans shot the lone herbalist the nastiest sneers they could muster, before darting away towards the rainy mist and green of the surrounding overgrowth. “With haste, sister!” The stallion urged, taking the lead. “Let us be off to the port at Baltimare. When the embassy there closes soon, all the triremes will leave for home. If we’re not present in time, we’ll be stuck here in this land of barbarians and rampaging spirits!”
“Coming brother! Gods curse these unfaithful Islanders...” The zebra mare growled before she too vanished into the thicket.
Zecora shook her head in contempt and surveyed her property to ensure it was truly clear, then she disappeared into the candlelight glow of her tree hut’s interior. “Never before, have spies come knocking at my door.” She said, now sitting and perusing over the many recipes of one of her alchemical volumes. “Clearly things in Roam have gone must sour, for that duo was most dour.” Zecora tossed some ingredients into a potion she was concocting. Each one hissed, smoked, and popped as they made contact with the brew. “I must warn Princess Twilight of these rogue zebra folk at the earliest hour!”
A final toss of ingredients into the mixing cauldron produced a large, ominous green cloud. Zecora peered into the churning cloud’s contents, and what she saw struck her with much discomfort. Ghostly green wisps coalesced into the form of a primate’s skull, clutched by an imposing silhouette of a cackling serpentine being with mismatched chimerical limbs.
It was a quite horrifying rendition of the Chaos God himself.
“Be these portents of Discord, that I see?” Zecora exclaimed. “Indeed, my eyes do not betray me!” She felt her body tense, and her every hair stood alert. Zecora’s voice dropped low and uneasy, as she watched the vapors of the cloud dissipate harmlessly back into the air. “Things grow ever stranger. Clearly, Ponyville and this world are in grave danger.”
Upon arriving at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack rushed up ahead of the group, eager to get to the house and check up on the rest of her family.
As expected, the orchards in the surrounding valley were indeed on the target list of what remained of Iron's ghost army. Scores of the phantom soldiers were running amidst the trees, knocking down apples from the branches with their hammers and stealing them. Only two squads of the Ponyville town guard were present to stop the ghosts, and they were hopeless to stop them all. There simply wasn't enough bullets, unicorns, and black powder between them to do it.
Twilight, Johnson and company instinctively rushed over to lend some assistance to their guard comrades. Before they could reach them, loud, thundering footsteps shook the ground and caused them all to grind to a halt. Each step was enough to cause each of them to bounce a few inches off the ground.
"Uhh..,guys...Johnson?"
"Yeah, Rainbow?"
"Don't those type of steps sound...familiar? Remember, back on the mountaintop?
Johnson and the others all turned slowly around.
"Ah...fudge "
Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
Chapter 13: Breaking the Storm
"Hey, dragon! It's a dragon, everypony!" Pinkie Pie chirped, getting excited. "I wonder if she's friendly!"
"Uh…yeah, right ," Rainbow Dash answered back, barely concealing her paranoia under a thin veil of sarcasm. She was looking forward with her violet eyes widened, slowly stepping back. All five of the others except Pinkie Pie were identically mimicking Rainbow Dash's action, even Avery Johnson.
"First ghosts, now an adult dragon?" Applejack said with disbelief. "Where'd that even come from?"
"That's the biggest dragon I've ever beheld!" Rarity stated in a low voice as she tugged Pinkie Pie along with them. She was unsure of whether to be amazed or terrified.
"Sweet mercy…and I thought Risea Ruby-scales was big. Do you think she's noticed us?" Johnson asked. Fluttershy answered him with a whimper, having hunkered down to the level of the group's hooves and feet to remain unseen.
"She's about Spike's size when he went on that greed rampage," Twilight murmured with worry. "But she hasn't looked over here, yet. Careful, let's not attract any attention…"
Standing in between them and Ponyville, with its back to Sweet Apple Acres as it seemed to wander about and survey the besieged town, was a fully grown female dragon. She was clad in thick armor from head to tail, complementing her already robust natural defenses. Overlapping the weathered brown and gray scales of her sides, legs, neck, and head, was an ergonomic harness consisting of mithril battle plating, polymer straps, and gleaming runes of unknown function. On her back a metal platform meant for riders resided, which itself boasted a large sleek cannon and four smaller gun turrets, but no visible occupants.
For a whole minute, the Elements of Harmony and the Sergeant Major kept quiet and waited to see what the beast was going to do. A crack of thunder rumbled in the atmosphere and elicited an involuntary scream from Fluttershy. To everyone's alarm, the great dragon snapped her head in their direction to investigate the sudden outcry.
"Horse feathers! So much for not attracting any attention," Applejack mumbled. She and the group got a good look at the dragon's face as she stared down at them. The beast was surprised.
The dragon's head shape was typical of many Equestrian dragons. A helmet completed her silver-colored ensemble of war – a single piece of solid mithril covering the bridge and upper jaw of her slender snout.
Lightning arced across the steel gray sky and shined off the mithril raiment. While its draconic wearer was weathered by her age, the armor itself was not, and being wet, it shimmered almost as brightly as the pair of blue eyes that were now affixed on the six equines and the lone human. As her newcomers backed further away, the dragon lowered her head closer towards them and let out a low inquisitive grumble.
Johnson held the Mark I in a ready stance. "Let's hope she is friendly, Pinkie Pie," he remarked. "I doubt even yours truly can charm two lady dragons in one week."
"Ponyville and the apple cider…I mean Sweat Apple Acres don't have a week to wait!" Rainbow Dash declared in frustration. "We have to find a way to take this oversized lizard down, or make it go away somehow. Fluttershy, think you can do something?"
From between the others' legs and her own mane, Fluttershy peeked out. For a second she was about to nod and reply, then the size and sounds of the dragon became evident again. The Pegasus promptly retreated back, pulling the old helmet Pinkie Pie had given her protectively down over her face,
"Twi, Johnson, anything?" Rainbow Dash asked urgently, turning to them.
"I don't know, everypony," Twilight said with worry. "Maybe we can reason with her before anything regrettable happens."
"I'm waiting to see what that dragon is doing first. Be ready for trouble, just in case." Johnson advised.
"Of course, silly," Pinkie Pie replied, chuckling. "Trouble is always ready for us; it would be rude if we didn't return the favor!"
Suddenly, a familiar message appeared in the periphery of Johnson's vision, and he groaned in irritation. Checkpoint done, it said. A familiar posh voice appeared as well, and Johnson's groan was joined by those of Rainbow Dash and Twilight.
"Greetings again, alicorn, human, Pegasus, and company of friends," the Iron Skull greeted them. "I see you have finally met my dear companion, Tiamat." Everyone gained a look of realization as they discovered Iron was referring to the dragon, as the gigantic lizard craned her neck to gaze at the sky in response to the disembodied voice, recognizing it. "She served me well during the Great War, served Atlantis well. I'm amazed myself I was able to summon her here today."
Tiamat growled at the sky mournfully. "Supreme Technomancer, why have you awoken me from my slumber in the Outworlds?" the dragon asked. "My duty to the Protectorate Dragonguard ended when the world itself did."
"That was centuries ago! I have personal need of your service again. You will be joined by a crew of my soldiers, soon. Now, destroy these enemies in front of you!"
"But, Madame Technomancer…they do not look like soldiers of the Cloud Empire!" Tiamat's eyes briefly conveyed a sense of confusion Twilight had noticed a few times before in the ghost soldiers. "Nor of Grogar's legions."
"It does not matter, they are our enemies. Attack, before they do!" Iron demanded.
"…It will be done."
As Tiamat moved to obey the Iron Skull's command, Twilight Sparkle tried to catch her attention. "Wait, stop! You're right, we're not…" Before Twilight could finish her sentence, Tiamat unleashed a large ball of blue flame at her and the others. "Duck!" They immediately dropped and lay like planks on the ground. The fireball managed to pass over them, missing by just a few inches.
When they got back up, they found their manes and hair were slightly singed, but nobody was burned. Tiamat however, was already preparing for a second exhalation.
"Scatter!" Pinkie Pie cried. "She's another bad guy! A big bad guy!" Everyone broke up into pairs that sprinted and galloped to cover behind the nearest large object as a second bolt of flames scorched the ground they had just occupied.
Twilight and Rarity were getting ready to charge their horns behind a boulder, while Johnson and Applejack were squeezing the triggers of their rifles within a cluster of apple trees. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy held some magma grenades uncertainly as they crouched behind an overturned wagon somebody had abandoned. They had left their rifles in the middle of the road in the rush, and now the weapons were rendered useless by the dragon's breath.
Rainbow Dash had something else in mind.
"You two, what are you doing? Those grenades are useless against a dragon!" Dash shouted as she took to the sky. "I don't know what it is – a gut feeling, maybe – but something's telling me there's an easy way to deal with Tiamat. I think it's the storm, maybe I can take control of it away from the Iron Skull. You guys buy me some time!"
Johnson fired a round at the dragon. "We got you covered, Rainbow! Everybody, keep the lizard distracted!" The bullet bounced off an invisible force two inches away from the dragon's scaly hide. "Dammit!"
Watching Rainbow Dash dart off towards the storm's center directly over the town, Applejack followed up with a burst of plasma fire from her own rifle. "Ah hear ya!" The bolts of energy struck Tiamat's armor, and the blue aura of a kinetic barrier rippled around her entire body, easily drawing her attention away from the retreating pegasus. "Twi, Rarity, we'll do the soldierly thing and light up that dragon for as long as the ammo lasts. Since Pinkie and Fluttershy lost their fancy ray guns, we'll have to figure somethin' else out for them."
"That's okay; we don't even need ours," Twilight answered back. She quickly levitated her and Rarity's 'ray guns' over to Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. Rarity fired a destruction spell whose beam struck the dragon's breastplate, drawing her attention to the alicorn and unicorn. Twilight fired a similar attack spell, but unlike Rarity's, hers broke clean through a section of Tiamat's shielding, melting the armor plate protecting her left jaw.
Tiamat roared in anger and rubbed at her face with a single taloned hand.
"Excellent precision, Twilight!" Rarity complimented. "Maybe that will teach this Tiamat a lesson."
"Thanks, but something tells me all it did was anger her even more," Twilight replied, quickly disappearing behind their boulder again. Tiamat brought a taloned fist down on the boulder, forcing Twilight and Rarity to retreat to a new group of rocks as pebbles rained all around them.
Just as Rainbow Dash was nearing the heart of the artificial storm, a group of ghost soldier stragglers had snuck around from Sweet Apple Acres and climbed the dragon's back. Now the weaponry on Tiamat's platform was manned and firing into the sky and at Rainbow Dash's friends on the ground – a powerful but unwieldy energy beam from the main cannon, and smaller magical projectiles from the series of automatic mounted turrets.
Within seconds, AJ and Johnson had discovered that the exotic weapons they had received quickly depleted sections of the dragon's shielding, and now the earth pony was breaking through specific sections, allowing Johnson to get his more conventional rounds to hit areas in between the mithril armor.
Pinkie Pie was running around on her hind legs, firing at random spots on the dragon with her ray gun rifle in one hoof, and chucking cupcakes and other desserts that she pulled out of her mane in the other. "I will eat your unhappiness! " she shouted, sneering.
Fluttershy fired her rifle in several second intervals, yelping each time it went off and forcing all but a few plasma bolts to miss their target completely.
The combined firepower was keeping Tiamat occupied, and she could get only a few attacks of her own out, Her undead gunnery team couldn't decide whether to focus on either Rainbow Dash or the others on the ground, and the dragon herself was still in a daze from her recent and quite sudden teleportation into Equestria.
High above, Rainbow Dash at last punched into the heart of the storm, which had formed right over Ponyville Town Hall. While she worked her weather magic, the Iron Skull detected her.
"Ni! You, winged ground trotter, stop!" Iron's voice demanded. "You cannot win!"
"We already have, Bonehead!" Rainbow Dash declared, smirking and looking down at city hall while taking rein of the clouds with her wings. Rain and wind were lashing at her, but she kept steady. "You're about to taste the rainbow!"
Iron was awkwardly silent for a moment. "…wait, what? "
"Enjoy the lightshow!" Rainbow Dash replied, before completing her work and zooming out of the thick clouds. The storm grew even darker, and the clouds move even faster, as a cyclone seemed to form in the heart.
Instead of a tornado as expected, a narrow aperture opened in the clouds, and a massive bolt of directed lightning slammed straight into Tiamat. The dragon flailed and roared at the top of her lungs. The magical shielding around her body dissolved into a blue mist that quickly faded away, and the storm above likewise gave way to calmer skies. Rainbow Dash had broke the storm apart.
Electricity travelled down from Tiamat and several nearby buildings into the ground. The rain steadily stopped, and everyone gathered together where Rainbow Dash had landed.
"Excellent work, Rainbow Dash. I have a feeling this fight is almost over!" Johnson said, clapping the pegasus on the shoulder. The two shared a smile and the others applauded her effort while their enemy continued to flail around in a stupor, until Rarity raised her voice.
"Heads up, darling! It appears we have more on the way!"
Looking up, everyone noticed two things. The first was that a massive rainbow was stretching across the visible sky, signifying Rainbow Dash's trademark impact on the atmosphere. Second, another dragon was rapidly approaching from the direction of Canterlot.
"Oh c'mon!" Applejack said. "Ain't one beast enough? It's a miracle none of mah trees have been damaged!"
"Wait a second, those red scales, that flight pattern! Johnson, it has to be that grumpy dragon that got us off the mountain!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, her eyes widening in recognition.
"You're right. Risea has returned!" Johnson said, lighting a Sweet William and laughing. "I figured we had chemistry."
Risea appeared and hovered over the much larger form of Tiamat on the ground, who was still reacting to the massive voltage she had taken from Rainbow Dash's attack. Her ghost soldier gunners had largely survived, and one of them fired the main cannons at Risea.
The beam missed by a wide margin and impacted a distant hillside, carving a large charred gash of earth into the terrain. Applejack cringed as she noticed how close the hill had been to her orchards.
Risea's reaction was swift. While the ghosts were attempting to steady their aim as Tiamat spasmed about, the crimson-scaled dragon set the entire platform – now unprotected – ablaze in white flames. The emission carried its own form of natural napalm, and everything on the platform was melted and charred beyond use in seconds. Risea banked off back into the sky to survey her attack's effects from afar.
Tiamat uttered a string of curse words in the same exotic language the ghosts had been speaking at Risea, and breathed out a fireball at her, which also missed.
"I think she's still a threat," Twilight declared, staring at Tiamat. "Knowing dragons, even Rainbow Dash's attack might have only stunned her."
Rainbow Dash scoffed. "Well in that case, I'll just have to finish her off for good, then! It wouldn't do to have Risea steal the victory for herself!" Before anyone could stop her, Dash zoomed off again, heading straight for Tiamat. Whatever she had planned for the dragon was averted, as Tiamat's foreleg knocked the pegasus out of the sky. Rainbow went into a tailspin and formed her own crater where she landed next to her friends. She lay there, groaning.
Everyone shouted her name with concern and rushed over, except Fluttershy.Instead, Fluttershy's ordinarily serene face took on an expression few who new her ever saw. Johnson was next to Twilight and the others checking on Rainbow Dash, when he felt something lift him into the air.
"Wha!" Johnson shouted, turning to see his abductor. "What are ya doing? Princess, tell her to put me down, if you'd be so kind!"
Twilight shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry, Johnson. I haven't seen her angry like this in ages, we're going to have to just let her do her thing."
"Don't worry, sugar cube! She's not going to hurt you, Ah promise!" Applejack assured. Johnson frowned and grumbled, crossing his arms but saying nothing more. Fluttershy lifted Johnson up so that they were level with Tiamat's face, ignoring his grumbling protests. Her muscles were powered by righteous anger, it seemed.
When they got near, and the beleaguered dragon noticed them, Fluttershy unleashed her Stare. "This man's name is Avery Johnson!" Her voice was firm as steel, and her gaze, deadly fury. "You have threatened our friends, put Ponyville in danger, and helped one of Discord's evil skulls! Now you shall fear his laser face! "
"What's happening? I feel tears welling up in my eyes!" Johnson exclaimed. "UNSC Marine Corps tears!"
Fluttershy wailed a battle cry, and two red laser beams suddenly erupted from Sergeant Johnson's eyes. They struck Tiamat with a force reminiscent of two Spartan Lasers. The gigantic dragon unfurled her tattered wings for the first time, rising up and reeling back in absolute shock. Her snout was now smoking, and looked irritated.
"That's right, you meanie!" Fluttershy hollered. Tiamat shrugged the ruined gunnery platform off of her back, made a sound bizarrely resembling a scolded puppy, and quickly took flight. "Get outta here! Don't ever let us catch you threatening Ponyville again!"
Tiamat completely ignored Risea as she stormed off over the distant mountains and out of sight. Risea promptly sounded a triumphant roar and swooped down, perching herself on the smoking wreck of the discarded riders' platform.
Starting to calm down, Fluttershy looked at Risea, then at Avery Johnson and her friends. Rainbow Dash had gotten up from the ground, and was rubbing irritably at the back of her neck. "The Iron Skull is next! " Fluttershy declared.
"What in tarnation was that?" Applejack asked, gawking at Fluttershy and Johnson both.
"I dunno." Johnson said slowly, retrieving the Mark I repeater and stowing it on his back.
"Well it was awesome!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, in the most excited voice she could muster.
Fluttershy rubbed at her mane timidly, and her ordinary demeanor returned. "I can hardly explain it, myself. Sorry for picking you up without permission though, Mister Johnson."
"Don't worry about it. That was an impressive, unique, and effective usage of battlefield resources!" Johnson declared with a chuckle. "Couldn't have come up with anything better myself. Please don't ever do it again."
Fluttershy smiled at the marine, and then fixed her eyes on the listening dragon again. "Risea? You helped the Sergeant Major and Rainbow Dash here off that mountain, and earlier when you came here, too. Could you um, maybe help us ponies and our new friend once again?"
Twilight rubbed at her chin and stared at the ruby-crimson dragon thoughtfully. The others turned to her as well, curious as to her response "Sergeant Major Johnson here had nothing but praise and flattery to say since he told me the tale of his and Dash's encounter with you," the alicorn princess declared, smiling slightly.
"It's true, shiny-scales. You did us one mighty fine thing back there." Johnson added.
Risea was quiet for a few seconds, studying each of the seven heroes carefully. "Our paths cross again, Avery Johnson," she said finally. Johnson smiled and nodded at her. "I sensed your encounter with this 'Iron Skull', as you've called it. At first I planned to ignore it, but then I detected another dragon here, and I decided upon action. Yes, ground trotters, I will lend you my aid. However, only under one condition."
"What might that be, Risea?" Rarity asked. "I think us ponies to be quite accommodating if you let us, darling."
"The condition is this: if anypony asks, you must tell them I was not helping you. Another dragon was intruding on my hunting grounds here, and I arrived here simply to drive them out. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Now hold on a darn minute!" Applejack interjected. She smiled and grasped her rifle. "You just don't want to admit that you're starting to like us Equestrians."
Risea stood up on her hind legs and started twiddling her talons together, growing defensive. "No, you are wrong! Pegasi are nothing but treacherous thieves and dragon slayers, and the other two races are equally as trustworthy, or pleasant."
"Hey!" Rainbow Dash said, offended.
"Uh-huh." Twilight replied, not convinced. "Sure, whatever you say, Risea. Now, can we please get on with stopping the remaining ghosts and finding the Iron Skull? I'm sure the Guards still in the orchards won't take too kindly to us standing here while they fight a horde of undead soldiers."
"Very well," Risea nodded. "Those who can't fly, climb on my back. We'll clear this orchard, and then I'll obey your commands from there on."
Everyone clambered onto Risea's back via her lowered wing or got into the air using their own. "Yippee! I always wanted to ride a dragon!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed with glee. "I heard from a friend that it's quite relaxing!"
"Ha!" Rainbow Dash chuckled, hovering next to her. "You're in for one heck of a surprise then, Pinkie!"
"Prepare yourselves!" Risea cried, posturing herself for takeoff. She jumped up into the air and flapped her powerful wings, causing Pinkie Pie and Applejack to shout in surprise. Johnson meanwhile, took a moment to remind his brain that he wasn't in some strange open air UNSC craft, and was in fact riding on the back of a fire-breathing dragon.
With Risea on their side, Johnson and the Elements of Harmony had even less trouble reclaiming Sweet Apple Acres from the Iron Skull's forces. After putting out any field and brush fires from the lightning strikes they saw, the Elements of Harmony focused their attention back on the ghosts. Those that remained in Ponyville wreaking havoc were cleared from the streets by air in no time, and citizens were already starting to reappear and bring things back to normal. Some of the ghosts were so intimidated by the heroes' usage of a dragon that they panicked and crossed themselves over to the afterlife on the spot, returning to wherever Iron had summoned them from.
A quick investigation of Twilight's Mansion revealed that Spike, Iron Will, Flash Sentry, and the other inhabitants on the property had defended the mansion from several attacks. Ectoplasmic goo was spattered everywhere, even on the sides of the house. A group of the unicorn apprentices and scientists Princess Twilight had in her employ were already cleaning things up using some contraptions they had invented in the workshop.
Not all had gone well, however.
"Oh my Celestia! They killed Wexley!" Davenport shouted, standing next to the other soldier, who had been hit by a ghost soldier who had been wielding a rifle.
"You bastards! " Iron Will said.
"Guys? I'm right here, perfectly fine! I must have respawned or something," the earth pony declared with astonishment. A large chunk of chimney from the mansion's roof, having been weakened by a rogue lightning strike minutes earlier, fell and crushed him.
Spike meanwhile, had been watching the sky and not paying any attention. He noticed Twilight and the rest of his friends travelling with a large red dragon, and waved at them, scratching his head in puzzlement. Twilight waved back with a grin, and Spike looked even more confused as she and the others flew by.
All that remained to reclaim was Ponyville Town Hall. There, the Iron Skull had teleported and ordered her remaining soldiers to rally to.
Mayor Mare greeted them all as Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Risea touched down in the town square in front of the multi-story circular building. Crowds of curious onlookers and organized lines of vigilant Town Guards populated the square, and their murmuring amped up at the sight of the red dragon.
The Mayor was about to question the dragon's presence, but decided it wasn't the best time, and walked up to Twilight, straightening her tie professionally. She gave a quick bow.
"Ah, hello Princess Twilight Sparkle. I've been looking for you all day, Your Highness. The Town Guard and your Royal Guards have secured every area except for the obvious. Unfortunately we cannot simply walk right on in to deal with the last ones, just yet." Mayor Mare gestured at the front entrance with a frown. "They've barricaded themselves inside!"
"Mayor Mare, we've got the Town Hall situation under control," Twilight assured her. "You and the Guard have done quite well; we'll take care of the ghosts from here on."
"Don't worry, ma'am. We'll flush them out and call it a day," Johnson said.
The Mayor seemed pleased to hear that, for a small smile danced on her face. "Please do. Those ghosts – and their cursed magical skull – whatever they are, they're a public menace! Why, it's a miracle no civilian fatalities have occurred. Well, don't let me keep you!"
"We're on it, Miss Mayor," Applejack said, trotting towards the front entrance of Town Hall. Johnson jogged right behind her, followed by Rainbow Dash and Twilight in stride, then Fluttershy, Rarity, and lastly Pinkie Pie, who briefly spoke to Risea.
"Thanks for the ride, dragon lady!" Pinkie said. "What are you going to do now?"
Risea hummed in her throat. "I have a pile of sapphires awaiting me back home, and I shan't test Ponyville's hospitality any longer. Farewell, give the human and your Princess my warmest regards." With that, the dragon leapt into the air and took off towards Canterlot.
"Okie dokie, have a good one!" Pinkie Pie called after her, waving.
"Pinkie Pie, c'mon!" Rainbow Dash urged, waving her over. "We need you and AJ's strength to buck these doors open!"
"Coming!"
Pinkie Pie passed everyone, who were positioned in a type of formation on either side, and joined AJ. A few guards had joined them to enter the building, including Captain Flash Sentry, who had positioned himself in between Johnson and Rainbow Dash.
"On a count of three," Twilight began. "One, two…" Pinkie Pie and Applejack had their backs to the door, grinning expectantly. "Three!"
The doors flew open easily, and the furniture – heavy oak desks, benches, and shelves – that had been piled up against it flew back like thrown toys. Everyone stormed in, and victory followed. At least half of the ghosts resigned and quitted Equestria all together at the sight of Twilight and Johnson, and the few that remained surrendered immediately.
"Take their weapons!" Flash Sentry ordered. "Make sure none of them try anything!" The guards complied and started to round up all the ghosts present in the building's large central room. Before they could however, the spirits promptly showed themselves to the metaphysical exits, vanishing into thin air without a single word.
"Iron Skull! Where are you? Show yourself!" Twilight demanded. While the others helped the guards open up the other entrances and assess the area, she, Johnson, and Rainbow Dash all strode towards the stage, looking quite angry as they went.
"Up here, on the podium." Iron's voice replied with resignation. "I was simply enjoying my time away from Discord. Did you hear he was heading to some strange tropical islands next?"
"Yeah? Well your time is up, we've won, Bonehead!" Rainbow Dash retorted. The trio stood next to the platform and studied the skull. She was sitting there, seemingly as inanimate as ever. Oddly enough, a fresh, half-full glass of chocolate milk sat next to her.
"Won?" Iron cackled a bit. "I'm only a single piece on Discord's game board, you winged Equinoki . And Discord? He has many pieces."
"Save it, dirtbag. I'm about to figuratively kick your ass!" Johnson said, reaching out to grab the skull and make it disappear.
"Good luck Johnson," Twilight said. "Hopefully you can send her straight to Tartarus."
"Damn straight."
After being quiet for most of the day, the whispering voices attached to the skulls returned. "Iron Skull detected. You have defeated the Supreme Technomancer and saved this region. Collect us!" Johnson's gloved fingers closed around the Iron Skull, and the artifact suddenly vanished into thin air, as the others had previously. When nothing else happened and the room stayed quiet, everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thank Equestria that's finally over," Rainbow Dash said with a chuckle.
That was when Iron started laughing again. "Fools! Now you have fallen into my trap!" Johnson and Twilight shouted in surprise as a blinding light over took them. When they could at last see again, something seemed odd.
"Everyone, listen up! It's clear now: these skulls are no mere mischief from Discord." Twilight nudged at a fallen ghost's hammer with a hoof, but she had a strange look on her face "War, has come to Equestria. Canterlot might not have declared it against an enemy of our Kingdom yet, but...what the hay? "
She was back in the gardens of her home, giving her speech from earlier. Everyone was about ready to applaud, including Johnson, who looked as confused as her. She paused. "Oh no! Sergeant Major, I think we got reset to the first checkpoint somehow!"
"Ah, hell," Johnson groaned. "You have got to be kidding!"
"I am!" the Iron Skull gushed with absolute glee. "The looks on your faces was absolutely priceless!"
As soon as the soldier and the princess blinked, they were both back at the podium and once again in the present. Rainbow Dash was gawking at them, looking positively bewildered.
"Clearly the odds were in your favor. I spent the last of my energy on that little joke of mine." Iron remarked, her disembodied voice now seemingly emitting from where Sergeant Johnson was standing. "Enjoy your victory, Equestrians. I yield."
"Iron Skull acquired."
Twilight and Johnson shook their heads and sighed. "Well, looks like that's over with," the Princess declared with note of certainty.
Everyone within earshot began to cheer at the news, and the group of three retreated from the stage. They linked up with their friends, and all went outside to speak with Mayor Mare. Since the Town Hall still needed to be cleaned up, everyone headed to Twilight's Manor to discuss the aftermath, cleanup efforts, and the report that was to be sent to Canterlot.
Flash Sentry took care of the report, stating that both Twilight and Johnson's respective handlings of the situation were excellent before setting off for Canterlot. Johnson's combat performance during the fighting was sent to Princess Luna personally via Spike, while Twilight's designs for her rifle were taken by Iron Will himself back to his business headquarters immediately to keep the risk of "corporate espionage" at a minimum until he can begin making them for the Royal Guard.
That evening, Twilight had allowed the Mayor to throw a ball on the ground floor of the Manor to celebrate the victory over the cursed skull Discord had left in Ponyville, so the house was now brimming with guests from all over town. Mayor Mare had heard of Twilight's War in Equestria speech, and figured a celebration would be appropriate for the occasion.
Sergeant Major Johnson was seated in a sofa next to Spike and Pinkie Pie. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack were nearby, as the marine was showing them an example of Flip music – a semi-popular descendant of human Rock and Heavy Metal music from the twenty-first century – on a small holo-pad he had in his possession from Earth. Twilight and Rainbow Dash in the meantime, were in the midst of a discussion with the Mayor Mare, Marius Melody, and the army officer and daytime owner of Quills and Sofas, Davenport.
The reaction to Johnson's Flip music was mixed – much like back in his own world – but it helped the ponies and the human to get more acquainted with each other as a result.
"Oh my, that racket is simply awful," Rarity said, covering her ears.
"I love it!" Pinkie Pie grinned.
"It's not too bad, I guess." Fluttershy commented.
"Meh." Spike said.
"Uh, what do ya call this here genre again?" Applejack questioned, scrunching her muzzle.
Before Johnson could answer, Twilight caught his attention. "Johnson, I have a message for you from Princess Luna." She and Rainbow Dash were smiling at him as she held out an official looking piece of rolled parchment. "It's something regarding the Royal Army."
