Chapters Opposite Day In Ponyville
You are Anon E Mousse, friend of pony and pony kind alike. The mysterious creature who was violently transported to a magical land of rainbow farts and glitter sparkles when his totally awesome spaceship was sucked up by some type of weird black hole and killed off the entire human population. Or at least that's the story you told Scoots, Sweetie and AppleBloople, in all reality, the details of your arrival to pastel pony paradise are unknown even to you.
You've always been a good friend to the inhabitants to this realm, even when they didn't accept you at first glance. You still remember trying to outrun that entire armada of tiny horse men with pointy spears when you landed on their opalescent ruler (See Amazing Anonymous Adventures Issue#1)
However, you smile thinking about how a group of six ponies stood up for you, even when you were at your own execution for tackling royality and being a magical creature of unknown origin.
Those six, Purple Smart, Apple Hat, Rainbow Fast, Rarara, ButterShutter, and Ponko Ploop, they became your bestest friends, and over the course of time, helped you get in touch with your new horsey world.
Heck, Ponko Ploop would always follow you around, from the moment you would wake up at SugarCake Cupcake Shop every morning. And Apple Hat was always downstairs in the shop to walk with you as you went to your job of inspecting pony butts. Your not too particulary sure how you were designated of pony butt inspector, but it paid good.
You even helped ButterShutter track down that group of Texican beaver smugglers, and removed 50 ft of dental floss from Rainbow Fast's butt. And for Rarara, you remember modeling for her new line of "Pretty Pretty Princess Tutu with Fairy wings" designs.
And when Purple lost her home, you consoled her about her loss, and even made a small gravestone for the Bee family that once lived there.
You kick a rock on the road in frustration
"Damn it, what changed today?" you ask.
You remember this morning, like it was just this morning.
You woke up in your pink coloured cupcake shaped bed and yawned mightly. "Yaaaaaaaaawwwwwn...... good morning world and all who inhabit it."
You closed your eyes and plugged your ears in anticipation of being attacked with hyperactive happiness that you've grown so used to by now.
You open one eye slightly, huh. There's no one here, that's weird. Maybe Ponko already went to work.
You get up and stretch in your red onesie pajamas with the flap in the back for when you had to make boom booms in the middle of the night.
"Pinkie...... you up?" You yell out, feeling slightly lonely and confused from the change in your morning routine.
You hear a soft knock on the door, as the door slowly opened.
"Hey! There's the perky party pink pony I know and love! Get over and here and give me a hug." You state with your arms wide open, expecting affection and also long rambling excitements about sugarey dreams she had about cream and long eclairs that she sucked on.
"Get up idiot. It's time to get to work you slob." Pinkie coldly stated as she stared at you. You felt a cold knife run through your heart, as the words left her horsey lips.
"O...h.. okay. I'll get changed real quick." You begin taking off your onesie pajamas in front of her, which was normal because the ponies actually seemed to want to be around you when you were naked. Probably because they are always naked or something, who knows.
"GROSS! DON'T SHOW ME YOUR DISGUSTING APE BODY AROUND ME ANON!" Pinkie spat at you.
You felt another proverbial knife slice right through you again.
"Oh...okay Pinkie, I'll just...go to the bathroom and change."
You quickly pick up your clothes and run to the bathroom, trying to hide the slight amount of tears welling in your eyes.
"AND MAKE IT SNAPPY, YOU UGLY FAT SLOB!" she snipped at you, hurrying your step even quicker.
As you ran off, Pinkie slumped in your room and sighed as Gummy walked in and stared at her. Pinkie picked Gummy up and held him above her head as she laid on your bed.
"Gosh Gummy, I don't think Anon is very good with Opposite Day, in fact, he was acting like it was every other day."
Gummy looked down at her and said nothing, because he was an aligator.
"Yes I know Gummy, of course I don't feel that way about Anon, it's just Opposite Day after all!"
Gummy continued to say nothing.
"In fact, Anon should know that I really really love him, and he's one of my bestest friends and I even love his green weiner and that's why I watch him change every morning because it rises my soufelee.
Gummy turned around and began walking out of the room.
"YOU COULD AT LEAST TRY TO HAVE SOME HOLIDAY SPIRIT GUMMY" Pinkie shouted out to her pet.
"WOOF" Gummy responded with before tap dancing down the hall wearing black face. Meanwhile you had just finished getting dressed and decided to head on downstairs without Ponko. Maybe she's on the rag or something, but there's no way that she actually feels that way about you right?
"THAT'S HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL ABOUT YOU ANON, NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I CALL THE UGLY POLICE" Pinkie cried from the top of the staircase.
You stomp your feet and frustratingly walk out of SugerCake Cupcake House Shop thing, WHATEVER. You don't even care. And you run into Apple Hat and Rainbow Fast outside waiting for you. Ah... FINALLY. Normality for a change.
Opposite Day In Ponyville
Hey girls, how are the two prettiest mares in all of Ponytown doing?" you try to smooth talk them, knowing that Rainbow was adorably resistant against flirtatious advances, as Applejack was adorably weak to them.
Applejack and Rainbow stopped talking for a moment, and looked at you with a sneer on their face.
"Ohhhhhhhh look. The Loser zoo musta lost one of their animals."Rainbow trotted over to you, flicking her tail at your side.
Applejack followed suit as she looked up and down your body. "Yeah.... and the UGLY zoo too, because HOO WEE, that is the UGLIEST, FATTEST, SMELLIEST, thing Ah have ever laid eyes on, and Ah CERTAINLY would not ever DREAM of wondering what it would be like to be in the flabby arms of such a weak nerd, and laid down in the barn and was made sweet, glorious, sweaty relations with in the missionary position for the sole creation of life."
Rainbow slapped Applejack across the face, and Applejack stared back at Rainbow realizing her error.
"Uh...yeah! That's how I feel. Definately. Can't imagine ya plowing my fertile fields. Nerd. Ugly Nerd."
You begin tearing up even more as the two ponies that you thought you were totally cool with, and that you actually felt some sort of attraction to were bad mouthing you intensily.
"Aww look, wittle babby's gonna crwy." Rainbow rubbed her hooves near her eyes.
"I...am not going to cry" You state, clearly lying about your situation.
"Does wittle babby need a nipple ta suckle?" Applejack wiggled her flank on your leg as you continue to shake in both sadness and anger.
"PISS OFF, BOTH OF YOU!" You slap them aside, and make your way down the road. You don't even want to go to work, you just want to be alone. Maybe Fluttershy will be of some good company.
"Haha, look at the loser Anon, all by himself, just like every day." Applejack cried out and pointed to Anon as he walked away.
"Anon is such a loser, he doesn't even have any friends." Rainbow giggled busting on the ground laughing.
Some FRIENDS, you had.
"What are you talking about girls?" Twilight asked Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
"We're just saying how much of a loser Anon was. I can't stand him, he's the worst kind of person, and I would never see him as true friend."
"Yeah, a total loser, Ah hate him. Especially his tiny dick which ah would not want in my apple basket. Ah certainly do not have any sort of affection for that incredibly handsome man."
Rainbow Dash shot a look at Applejack who tried her best not to break out laughing.
"Girls! How can you say such a thing to our dear friend Anon? The man who single handedly fought off a bear that was threatening to close the pool?" Twilight began flapping her princess alicorn wings and hovering around her two friends.
"Applejack, don't you remember that one time you came to me, covered in tears, because you weren't sure what the rest of Ponyville would think if you had relations with bipedal ape related creature with a heart of gold?" Twilight raised her eyebrow.
"..yes...AH MEAN NO!" Applejack bit her tongue after accidentally stating the truth for a millisecond.
"And you Rainbow Dash, when you ate 50 pounds of that dental floss that you thought was candy floss, who was there through every tug of smelly string?"
Rainbow suddenly became shocked and flew up to Twilight.
"HOW THE HAY DO YOU KNOW THAT? ANON SAID HE WOULD NEVER TELL!"
"Aha! So it WAS Anon! and I knew because you were loudly bragging about coming from Colgate's office with Candy string, I bet you needed a hoof there afterwards." Twilight smiled.
"Darn it Twilight, yeah...Anon helped me out for 4 hours, and he even petted me and told me everything was going to be okay."
"So why in the wide wide world of Equestria were you being so cruel to Anon just minutes before?"
"Well shucks Twilight, it's Opposite day."
"Oh yeah, it IS Opposite day, silly me."
The three laughed heartedly.
"Anon knows that too right girls?"
"Uhoh" they said at the same time
Opposite Day In Ponyville
Whats with kids nowadays?
And so you were, walking down the road with your hands in your pockets, feeling breddy bad. Maybe the friends you thought you had, weren't exactly the friends you though them to be. I mean yeah, you are a monstrous and strange lifeform to them, and appairently very ugly, and a bit of a loser, but if anyone else was called that as well, it was Fluttershy.
You notice some of the pony folk in town and decide to greet them good morning. There's Mayor Mare!
"Morning Mayor Mare!" you happily pip at her.
"GET OUT OF MY WAY ASSHOLE!" She screeches at you as she splashes mud on your favourite suit. Ahh... good ol' Mayor Mare, never changes.
Oh, there's the Mailmare delivering the morning mail...in her mouth....again.
"Morning Derpy!" You happily exclaim to the ditzy pegasus. Derpy suddenly stops in midair and slowly turns her head to you. Her normally derped wall eye was replaced with a piece of notebook paper.
"Hi Ugly. You are very ugly. I don't think about you at night in a bubbly bath" She said slowly before she flew away.
Well, okay, that was interesting. You decide to continue onward, there's the three little fillies that you've come to know and love as little sisters ever since you've gotten here.
"Hey you three, aren't you going to say morning to your Uncle Anon?"
The three fillies stopped and quickly huddled together. and began whispering to each other. You stop for a moment and ponder what the mischevious little things were up to, before you are blasted back a bit with the sound of "CUTIE MARK HOLIDAY EXPERTS YAY!"
"Oh, so you found another way to get your Cutie Marks, huh girls?"
"Yeah!" Applebloom said as she and Scootaloo slowly walked behind you.
"It's a super duper plan! We'll get it for sure" Scootaloo said, as she laid down behind you.
"Well, when you get it, I'll be sure to take a picture ASAP, so we can remember the moment together." You say, beaming with a little bit of paternal pride, even though they ain't cho keeds mang.
"Yeah, UNCLE Anon... that would be SO great because we LOVE you and all." Sweetie Belle stated as she trotted to you slowly.
"Aww, you have no idea how much I needed that today girls." You say happily, at least these three youngins still loved you as their friend.
"Yeah, but not as much y'all needed THIS!" Applebloom kicked your left leg as Sweetie Belle pushed your right one. You began to fall slightly, as Scootaloo stood up and pressed her side against your side, causing you to tumble backwards into a mudpile.
The three little fillies all gathered around you, and began laughing while pointing.
"LOSER LOSER, HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
"Girls....why?" You ask, tearing up slightly, your favourite suit now completely ruined.
"Gosh Uncle Anon, I thought you knew how much we HATED you!" Sweetie Belle said giggling intensily.
"Yeah, or how much of a LOSER we thought you were." Scootaloo said as she pulled out your Cutie Mark cape that you all made together in their clubhouse.
"Not my cape girls....please..." You began tearing up.
"No one who THIS lame deserves to be a member of ta Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Applebloom said as she grabbed one corner in her mouth and began tearing it, Sweetie and Scoots grabbing other corners and pulling them as well.
You sat there, covered in mud as the three little fillies ripped up your symbol of friendship in front of you. You couldnt take it anymore, you got up and began crying as you ran to Fluttershy's cottage.
"Yeah, you better run, you big....smelly...DUMMY!" Sweetie Belle squeaked at you as you ran off.
"Oh man, we'll definately get our Cutie Marks now! I dont think we could've been MORE opposite than what we were!" Scootaloo said happily, examining her flank excitedly.
"Ah know, but did we REALLY have to tear up Anon's Cutie Mark Crusader cape? Couldn't we, ya know, used a fake one?" Applebloom inquired, looking sadly at the torn bits of their cape in the mudpile.
"It wouldn't have worked then Applebloom, we had to be COMPLETELY 100% opposite, or it wouldn't work." Sweetie Belle explained.
"Well, couldn't ya know, maybe not try to get our Cutie Mark today?" Applebloom retorted.
"What do you mean Applebloom, we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders! It's our quest for Cutie Marks!" Scootaloo responded.
"Yeah, but its opposite day, so if we DIDN'T try for our Cutie Marks, maybe we would've." Applebloom served back to Scootaloo.
"That's dumb Applebloom, if we didn't try to get our Cutie Marks, how could we get our Cutie Marks in Holiday Expertise?" Sweetie Belle said shoving her flank to Applebloom's face.
"That's just it, Ah think we ain't getting our Cutie Marks in ANYTHING, if we try to get our Cutie Marks in SOMETHING."
This continued for 8 hours onward.
You finally ran out of breath as you stopped for a second on the dirt path leading to Fluttershy's cottage. God, what is wrong with every horsey today? You didn't even say 2 words this morning, and you got this horrible mess of an incident on your head. You remember your remembering of the morning, just like it was this morning.
"Pinkie... you up?"
OH NO! THAT WAS THREE WORDS! NOT TWO BUT THREE! You suddenly sense someone coming,
"Oh no, someones coming, gotta act natural..."
You quickly take off your clothes and pose naked, flexing your one arm and extending the other in a powerful pose.
Suddenly a mint green pony and a candy striped pony walk past you and stare at your weiner.
The mint green one laughs and points at your member. "Gross, its all naked and shit!"
The candy striped one spoke in a cool new yorker accent that was gravely and mannish.
"I dunno, as sure as my heterosexuality, I think that is fine. I sure am happy and not grumpy today."
The mint green pony tugged at it slightly as you tried your best not to move.
"Hello wittle wiene. Whose a ugly peepee? You are! Yes you are!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" You quickly run off down the road completely buck naked to Fluttershy's cottage.
Lyra looked on and sighed.
"God, I want to fuck him so bad."
Bon bon sighed and shrugged her hooves. "Meh." she stated, as they went on their way.
Opposite Day In Ponyville
Crossovers are the lowest form of fandom
Just gotta get to Fluttershy's house, then everything will be all right. You quickly get to her cottage and begin slamming on the door quickly.
"FLUTTERSHY PLEASE LET ME IN, I'M HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY!"
The door opens slightly, before turning into a sliding automatic one. You hear a voice from within the cottage. "You may enter Ensign Mousse."
You run and look around, for some reason you can't quite put your finger on, the cottage looked different. Maybe it was all the space age technology and flashing lights that didn't really tell you anything about the workings of the systems.
"Uh...Fluttershy?" You call out as the sliding doors slammed behind you, narrowly slicig your buttocks.
"ENSIGN ANON E MOUSSE, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE INFRACTING UPON THE FEDERATION DECENCY CODE!" A booming voice said from behind a large spinning chair.
Federation...whaaa?" You ask, drooling from your mouth.
"I will not have such insolence on my bridge Ensign. I'll have you demoted to Scrub Monkey Third Class!" The chair spun around, revealing a completely bald Discord, wearing a red sweater vest.
"Oh jeez, it's just you Discord." You sigh with relief.
"THAT'S CAPTAIN DISCORD OF THE USS ENTERPRISE ENSIGN MOUSSE" He states stomping over to you, inspecting you from head to toe.
"And as you can see...." he began stating as a book poofs out of nowhere, and he begins reading.
"You are in clear violation of Federation Code A subsection J, paragraph 12, sentenence 4, letter 24. 'Q'. He slams the book shut and frowns at you.
"What do you have to say in defense of your actions Ensign?"
"You're a moron. Where's Fluttershy?" You state rolling your eyes.
"INSUBORDINATION AGAINST YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER? WELL, THAT JUST SHINES MY BALD HEAD, DOESN'T IT NUMBER 2?"
Another chair turns around. "Yes, it does Captain." It was Fluttershy, with a manly goatee and also in a red vest.
"FLUTTERSHY!" You run over to her and embrace her.
"VIOLATION OF THE DON'T ASK DON'T TELL POLICY! GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!" Discord continued to screech as he played into a flute.
Fluttershy quickly dropped you and began walking to Discord's side. "I'm in complete agreement with you Captain. This...ANIMAL, doesn't deserve to stand on the same bridge as you or I. Especially one as ugly as HE is."
Your knees tremble slightly as your heart begins shattering completely.
"Well then, it is settled, Ensign Anon E Mousse, you are hereby banished to the doghouse prison of Fluttershy's backyard for the charge of being UGLY and STUPID. This court martial is adjorned.
You suddenly feel yourself being picked up by Fluttershy who stares at you angerly.
"Fluttershy, wait, please... if anyone could understand whats going on, its you."
You pull at her mane a little, and she brushes you off.
"I'm sorry, I don't speak to filthy, ugly, stupid animals like you."
You feel yourself being thrown right out the window, and into a mud pile, where several happy pigs were overjoyed to see you.
You look at the doghouse in the pig pile, and you decide to crawl inside and begin crying. This is your home now you guess.
Meanwhile in Fluttershy's cottage.
"Wasn't that a tad bit mean Discord?"
"You do mean Captain Discord right?"
"No, I mean Discord." Fluttershy stomped her hoof.
"Oh lighten up dear, It IS Opposite day after all, its not like I like looking like a telepathic cripple afterall."
"Well, I guess you're right. I just hope Anon is enjoying his Opposite day as much as we are."
Back at the pig pen/doghouse. You are still crying your eyes out and vomiting from the stench of pile of what you hope to be pig fudge that you are laying in.
"Oh keep it down would you, some of us are TRYING to enjoy our holiday!"
You know that voice, you quickly crawl out of the doghouse and see Rarity basking in the sun with piles of pig slop all over her.
"Rarity, what in the name of Celestia's green earth are you doing sunbathing in pig slop for?"
Rarity takes off her overly sequined sunglasses and stares at you.
"Just because it's Opposite Day, doesn't mean I can't be beautiful you damn dirty ape. No offense love."
Opposite Day In Ponyville
You quickly tackle her into the mud as she lets out a mighty 'WA HA HA'
" ANON E MOUSSE DARLING PLEASE! THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED OUR FIRST TIME TO HAPPEN!"
"DO YOU MEAN THAT?" You scream at her.
She quickly put her hooves in her mouth, as if she had quickly regretted what she had said.
"Well...maybe....OH OKAY FINE!" She slapped her hooves into the mud.
"I wanted our first time to be under a candlelit grotto after a night of wining and dining at the most excuisate of Equestrian resturaunts as a quartet of string players would romance us into our love making."
"Wait...what?" you pause for a moment. You slap some mud in frustration. "No, I meant the other thing."
"What other thing dear Anon?"
"ABOUT OPPOSITE DAY!"
"Oh yes dear, didn't you know?" Rarity asked inquisitivly, cocking her head slightly.
Suddenly the entire world began falling upon you as you understood the events that took place that day.
"Oh dear Celestia, you DIDN'T know!" Rarity ran up and tackled you into the mud with a loving embrace.
"Oh Anon, whatever happened to you today?" She said with tears in her eyes.
"I thought....I thought that all of you didn't love me anymore." You sadly began saying, crying slightly.
You suddenly are tackled again by a bolt of Blue fastness. "Of course we still love you, you dummy!"
"Rainbow?" you lurch up slightly, as you are met with everyone who met with that day.
"Yeah, we were so mean ta ya, because we truly do love ya Anon. And we certainly don't think yer ugly or dumb." Applejack said, hiding her blushing face with her hat.
"YEAHAND YOURMYCUTESTBESTESTHUMANFRIENDINTHEWHOLEENTIREWORLDANON,WELL,YOU'REMYONLYHUMANFRIENDINTHEENTIREWORLDBUTYOUARETHECUTESTANDBESTEST" Pinkie rambled as she quickly hopped over to you, hugging you non stop.
"And we thought for sure we'd get our Cutie Marks by acting so Opposite Anon." Scoots said as she began crying.
"Yeah, we love you so so much, that's why we were so so mean!" Sweetie Belle said, scrunching her face.
"Yeah, even though we could've done nothing and still gotten them." Applebloom replied.
"Would not!" Scoots replied.
"Would too!" Applebloom riposted.
"And I certianly dont think you are dumb and stupid Anon, in fact I understand you more than you really think so. Fluttershy said from her cottage window, with tears in her eyes.
"Isn't that right Discord?"
"What I thought he was right in character, I've never seen the man cry like that before."
All of the ponies stared at Discord with knives in their glare.
"Oh all right, I'm sorry magical green man from wherever the heck you came from."
Lyra and BonBon also walked up and patted you on the back.
"I still want to fuck you Anon." Lyra whispered in your ear, as Bon Bon whispered into your other ear. "Meh."
Derpy flew in and loudly exclaimed. "I ACTUALLY DO THINK OF ANON WHEN IM IN A BUBBLY BATH."
You smile sweetly at all of your pony friends and say.
"So... you really do love me, and you're all my very best friends?"
"No Anon That's not true." Everyone gasped as Twilight flew down and stared at you with a sneer on her face
"In fact, we all hate you from the very bottom of our hearts, and sincerely dread every single moment we have to spend our lives with you. You make our lives boring, dull, and we hate having to wake up every morning and see your ugly, miserable face You ugly, stupid freak."
Twilight turned around and winked at everyone else.
"Isn't that right everypony?"
"Yeah! WE HATE YOU ANON! YOU SUCK!" everyone cheered in unison.
"Yeah, I totally don't think you're as awesome as me Anon, but then again, who is?" Rainbow said as she rubbed her muzzle against your cheek.
"And ah certainly don't think you are the handsomest tall glass of cider in town" Applejack said rubbing her head under your chin while rubbing your arms.
"You're a dummy!" Applebloom stated happily
"and you smell!" Sweetie Belle chimed in.
"and I don't think of you as a father figure!" Scoots said as they all happily climbed over you.
"You're a faggot Anon!" Derpy said as she sat on your head.
"And you have the smallest dick in Equestria!" Lyra stated as she rubbed your hands.
"And I like hetereosexual things and think Anon is really super handsome and sexy" Bon Bon groaned as she rubbed herself on your body.
"He certainly is the most unromantic, ugliest, unknowledgable man I have ever met!" Rarity huffed as she kissed you on the cheek.
"And he is such a dumb, stupid, DOODY HEAD!" Fluttershy loudly whispered, as she laid on your lap.
"AND I LOVE NOT HAVING HAIR!" Discord happily exclaimed as he pinned several stars onto your skin, which magically appeared.
"WE HATE YOU ANON!" They all said, as they hugged you in that mudpile.
You smiled and embraced them back.
"I hate you all too."
Twilight smiled, as she hugged you along with everyone else. "Anon, would you mind taking a letter to the Princess?" She levitates a quill and a parchment to you.
"Sure Twilight, but aren't you the dog now man?"
"Yeah, but its opposite day, its the spirit of the holiday." She rolled her eyes.
"Alright, then."
"Dear Princess Twilight, today I learned that friendship is a horrible thing, and that the people you hate the most are often the people who will not care for you at all. Even when there is complete understanding between you, they will always abandon you, because they just dont care and hate you. Friendship is not awesome at all. Your hateful enemy, Anon E Mousse."
P.S. Have a crappy Opposite day!
Twilight smiled, as you read off the letter to her, "That was pretty terrible Anon, I'll throw it away at once."
Opposite Day In Ponyville
Everyone laughed as you continued hugging naked in the mudpile.
"WAIT A MINUTE, DOES THAT MEAN ALL OF YOU WANT TO FUCK ME?"
There was a silence in the air.
"NO YOU GENIUS!"
"Oh okay... never mind...."
You feel sad for a moment, before Twilight nudges your arm.
"Psst. Anon, Opposite day remember?"
"Oh yeah!"
The hugging moment turned into a mudpile orgy inside of pigslop. Everyone was given the taste of the Anon, and everyone else was given a flavour of everyone else.
It was the unsexiest Opposite day never, as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna did not definately watch from there castle, keeping their hooves above their waists.
"BARK BARK" Gummy said as he tap danced in the mudpile.
.
THE BEGINNING.
