Chapters 6:10 AM.
Mikes manager handed him the pink slip, he knew what this was about. After Mike got everything set and memorized, he needed a challange, so, a bit hesitantly he set the anamatronics level as high as possible, 20. Boy did he sure get a challange, freddy almost got him, saved by the bell, (thank god.) he was able to walk out lf the Pizzaria un-harmed, physically atleast.
"Mike, youre fired." His manager said, with a dead pan expression.
"Alright." Mike didnt really care, he was glad he didnt die sure, but he fucking lived through the A.I's highest setting. Practically makeing them terminators without high-powered lazer guns.
Takeing the slip, Mike unlocked his car and sat inside. The manager was a nice guy, he was always looking for ways so save the buisness anyways, but deep down, he was a nice guy.
Mike started his car up with a twist if the key, the car came to life. Mike switched gears and drive out of the parking lot back to his apartments. Even if he was fired, thanks to some American 'Creating jobs for younger people' bullshit he would have a job in no time.
Mike pulled into the parking lot and got out of his car, heading into the enourmous apartment complex, why did they let him keep his uniform? Or did the manager just forget? Without another though, Mike unlocked his door and went inside, locking it behind him.
*ring ring* *ring ring*
Who could be calling mike now? He went over and picked up the phone.
"H-hello? Hello? Hey Mr.Shmidt, how are you doing?" No way. "Good i hope, anyways uh... Just wanted to let ya' know, ill be seeing you soon, so... See ya shortly Mike!" NO FUCKING WAYS. Mike was literally scared, the man who he had come to call the 'dead phone mc long message' (yeah i know, dumb.) had just called his EXACT hotel room, this man was dead! He did look into the freddy, the golden one. Poor guy. But he just called him!! Mike was about to call the manager, but realized he didnt have his number.
'Maybe im just going crazy?' Mike though 'yeah I probably am.' And with that mike doved onto his bed, sleep was what he needed.
2 months later...
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"
*KRA-BOOM*
Mike watched, as a bit of nostalgia poored from his heart as the pizzaria he once called 'Hell' crumbled in firey agony. Mike looked at the people all around, and spotted the his old boss, Mike walked over too him.
"Hey Mr.Faz, rough day?" Mike asked jokingly.
"Oh, hey Mike." Wow, what a buzzkill.
"How have thing been, besides right now?" Mike wanted to know what happend after he left, especiay after that phone call, wich he still never found out alot about
"About as bad as right now, we had to pay Kyle's parents alot of money for his late funeral." The manager said, sounding depressed as hell.
"Kyle?" Mike asked, he didnt know who kyle was, maybe it was Dead Phone?
"Kyle was the Night watchman before your, we had to pay an ass load of money to make his body look human again." So Mike was right. +1 Happiness.
"Well, what happend to the anamatronics?" This was the most concerning part of this scenario, he couldnt see the anamatronics, anywhere. The manager got up of the bench he was sitting at, and pointed over to the rubble of the pizzaria.
"Destroyed, just piles of scrap now." The manager said, this was his lifes work, but there were alot of employees at the floodgates.
"Goodbye, Mr.Shmidt, good luck in the rest of you're life." The manager hobbled away.
Mike looked down, and saw the old 'Celebrate!' Poster that was in his office, half in a medium sized puddle. Mike put his hat back on and walked back too his car. Makeing his was back home mikes phone started ringing, playing the opening of 'Heartaches by the Number' by Guy Mitchell. (What? Everybody likes the Fallout games.) Mike pulled out his phone, tapping the green circle on the screen, and put the phone to his ear.
"Hello Mike! I see you're on the way here, see ya soon I geuss." The phone hung up, mike tossed his onto the passenger seat. "Fuck, again with that shit Kyle?" Mike asked nobody but himself.
then a semi-truck horn was heard, Mike looked to his right, just as a big fucking semi smashed into his car and he lost consciousness.
Mike felt like he was just shot in the dick, ran over by an Abrams tank, and then had the gun shoved entirley up his ass, then firing all the remaining ammo, so to sum it up, he felt like shit, but he also felt...
Grass? Was he not dead afterall?! 'Dont get your hopes up Mike, you're definantly dead.' Mike though to himself.
Mike tried to move, and with a delayed and jerky motion, his pinkie twitched.
HOLY SHIT ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED 420 DORITOS MOUNTAIN DEW FUCK ER' RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!!!
Sorry.
Mike tried to move his legs, pain quickly subsiding he opened his eyes, and what a sight to behold. He was sitting in a field with tall grass shooting up alover the field, but not the one side smooth, the otherside painful type lf large grass. The sun was shining, it was serene, and far too quiet for the likes of mike, whenever it was quiet, the power was either out, or he was sleeping or dead.
"A-A-ahoy mateys!" A deep robotic voice said.
Mike literally almlst shit his pants, sonic the hedgefox was really close, but Mike didnt was to turn around to see a hook dig into his face. Then he heard another voice.
"is this whats its like to be stuffed into a freddy suite? Seeing the things that killed you, forever, especially in an eerily beautiful clearing?" The voice sounded alot like the man on the phone, was mike in some sort of heaven. He laughed out loud at the though of a place called 'Freddy Fazbear's Pearly white gates!'
"AHAHAHAH!" Mike was literally crying, why was this so funny to him?
Eventually mike cried all his tears, and got up, turned around and got met face to face with the most fantastic group of fucks.
Bonnie the Hippo
Chica the duck
Freddy Fagbear
Sonic the Hedgefox
And next to him was who he imagined was Kyle.
"Fuck my life, or afterlife in this case." Mike smiled, this was going to be an awful day.
Chapter 2: the Weirdest Group Of Fucks.
Mike noticed the newfound weight on his back 'a backpack? When did this get here?' Mike though, as he pulled it off his back and dig through it.
'Why is there so much cool shit in here?!' Mike organized all the items in the grass, and the anamatronics didnt move, Kyle was still keeping a close eye on them.
*Magical bullshit Invantory*
5.56 Rounds (600)
Halo 4 railgun (1)
RG mac rounds (25)
Security Jacket, with added riot armor padding. (1)
The big book 'o books (1)
Remote Anamatronic Deactivator (1)
M4A1 rifle (1)
*Backpack Bullshit closed*
"Holy shit, theres alot of guns and shit." Mike wondered, WHERE THE FUCK WAS HE?!
Kyle looked over to him. "Whats in the bag? And more importantly who are you?!"
Mike looked over at Kyle, and stood up.
"Mike Shmidt, and i know who you are." Mike replied, should he have lied? Probably not. There dead anyways.
"Mike Mike Mike... Where have I heard that name before?" Kyle walked in circles, hand on chin.
"I used to work a Freddy's, you left messages for me." Mike said, a little tired of Kyle walking in circles.
"You? Holy hell, how did you die? Let me geuss, stuffed like me?" The Kyle sounded like he just did kocaine.
"No, nothing like that. I got fired 2 months ago after i made the anamatronics AI level set to 20." Mike said, a little creeped out about the months dead man.
"Wow, really? I lasted since the old reasurant, but eventually i used too much power early on. How did you die though?" Kyle asked.
"I got hit by a semi driving home after watching the place get blown up." Mike said, the phone guy litteraly looked like he was about to fucking explode, WHY DID HE HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY?!
"Oh ok." Then Kyle was the calmest person alive
We both looked over at the anamatronics.
"You think there dead too?" I asked Kyle.
"Probably no-" Kyle was cut off as i put my hand over his mouth.
"SHHHH, you hear that?" I asked him, i could hear voices coming from a recently formed path.
I looked back at Kyle.
"We need to get to cover."
I moved my hand from his mouth, and put on the Armored night gaurd jacked, still with the little anamatronic badges on it, took out the service rifle, loaded in a mag and ran off for the treeline.
I learned how to use a gun before I applied for the night watch job, if i was guarding a building that (too my knowledge) was super rich, that i would need some form of weapon, be it atomic bomb to pool cue.
I dived into the bush, taking a small scrape on my armored jeans.
I got into a better position in the bush and peered out, rifle first.
I didnt really understand what i saw, Multicolored small horses, 6 to be exact, were all staring at Kyle, some in fear, some in suspicion. Then i looked away, i heard a stick snap behind be. I almost lost my shit, there was a bright blue, or cyan pony with a rainbow mane, stairing right at me.
I looked back to see Kyle pull out a small 9mm pistol, the anamatronics still idle.
I stepped back into the clearing, gaining the attention of the 5 ponies there, the living gay pride flag came out of the bushes, i stepped back more, until i touched back with kyle.
"What the fuck do we do?!" Kyle was panicking.
"Switch sides, i have the better weaponry." Kyle nodded, then we both did a 180 and i was now about 2 meters away from the 5 ponies, the one closest, was orange and had a cowboy hat on. I so noticed that all these 'ponies' had ass tattos. Because this shit wasnt wierd already. I heard a gunshot, then a cry of pain, i looked back and see a hole in the dirt, Kyles gun flying in the air and the rainbow pony on top of Kyle, i looked back to the others and saw the purple one, the white on and the cowboy (cowgirl?) ponies move in on my.
I whipped out the R.A.D and pressed the big red button, i hoped this would work in reverse
...
"Hey kids, are you ready for freddy?"
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You're the only one left, complete the mission!
Chapter 3: Complete the mission!
“Alright girls, Princess Celestia has sent me a letter of great importance, apparently she and luna detected some sort of magical rift opening up on the outskirts of town and releasing 2 living beings. We have the elements on our side, so we’ll be fine, even if whatever this creature is, is hostile.” The lavender unicorn said, her friends, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and…
“Alright where is Fluttershy?” Twilight asked, she was getting tired of Fluttershy hiding every time the princess asked for something, it was reasonable with Discord and Sombra, but for a (probably) very small problem and the elements, they could easily destroy or reform whatever that rift spat out.
“Found her!” Rainbow said as she started tugging at a book on one of the sextillions (yes, that's a real number. Google it, its fucking huge.) of shelves.
“I don’t agree with this…” Fluttershy squeaked as she was dragged out of the books.
“Now we all might be a little intimidated to… Get dirty… But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!” Rarity said, trying her best to motivate her friend.
“Well, now that that’s settled, any questions?” Twilight asked, she didn't have all the answers, but she would try to answer all of her friends questions.
All hooves shot up.
“Alright, pinkie then rainbow then rarity then AJ then fluttershy.”
“Can we throw the aliens a party?!” Pinkie asked, practically radiating her pinkie-ness.
“First of all, aliens? That's unlikely, but of their trustworthy we can, sure.”
“What if these aliens try to take over Equestria?” Rainbow asked,
She just wanted to learn how to whoop alien flank, if they had one.
“If they did, we would use the elements or the guard. The elements being a last resort.”
Twilight said, RD always had questions like this.
“What should we wear?” Of course Rarity would ask this. #fashion #fuckmylife
“Nothing fancy, just to see if the aliens come to a conclusion we don’t usually wear clothes.”
“What do y’all think the aliens eat?”
“Probably what we eat, they wouldn't come here if they didn't have food of their own anyways”
Now Fluttershy…
“What if the aliens give us a lot of nice gifts as a peace offering?” Of course, the nice questions.
“The princess will probably return the favour.”
Fluttershy beamed.
Then they packed up and headed out.
Get ready for the next round...
Chapter 4: Earth ambassador Michael Shmidt.
Perspective: Fluttershy
Oh no, this was really bad! When we found the spot were the rift was, there was some sort of monkey standing their, but it was clothed, were these the aliens? I heard Twilight whisper something to rainbow, then teleport her.
“WOAH!” something shouted from the bushes, then the aliens pulled out some sort of metal ‘L’ shaped device, and pointed it at Twilight, where these aliens evil? That would be awful.
They had these weird animals beside the alien, they looked sort of like the aliens, as in body structure, but were clearly identifiable as a fox, a bunny, a chicken and a bear. The bear had a cute hat, the chicken had a bib saying ‘lets eat!’ On it, and the fox looked menacing, like a pirate, with his sharp (and sometimes golden) teeth, and his hook for a right paw.
Another alien backed up out of the bushes, with a larger object, resembling the ‘L’.
There backs touched, Rainbow followed out of the bush, looking kind of scary.
“What do we do?!”’one the alien asked, after getting a bit closer I could identify it as ‘Kyle’ odd name, but these are aliens and I should respect their culture.
“We flip, I have more weaponry.” Then they flipped around, now the more armoured one, with a hat saying ‘SECURITY’ and his jacket having little badges of the weird animals.
BANG “Augh!”
I covered my ears, that sounded like a small cannon… It that what those were?!
When I looked again I saw rainbow on top of ‘Kyle’ the other alien turned around, his cannon thing slung to his body, he pulled out a small little square, with a large red circle on it.
“Please god…” The alien said as he pressed the circle into the square, then the animals lit up, the bears head moved.
“Hey kids, are you ready for freddy?”
At this point fluttershy found it to adorable.
Perspective: Mike
One of the pony things ran out of the group and hugged freddy,
She looked over at me.
“Ooooo he's soooo cute!”
Mike was confused to say the least, talking ponies, speaking English.
Fuck it.
“I would back up, he's not really a nice guy…”
I said, if this pony wanted to die id let her die.
“How could you say that he's sooooo cute!” The butter yellow Pegasus said before looked back to freddy.
“Because he KILLED Kyle!” I said pointing a finger at Kyle’s unconscious body on the floor.
That made the Pegasus back off a bit. Mike went to pick up Kyle but he forgot about the gay pride flag.
“Hey! You're not getting em’ back until you tell us what you, and you're creepy animals are!”
The pony said, as if she has some authority.
Mike took aim with his rifle for her hoof, and fired, suppressor silencing the shot.
“AHHH!” The pony screamed as I re-slung my rifle, picking up Kyle. I walked infront of the anamatronics.
“Who can carry a lot?”
“I can.” Freddy raised his paw.
Woah. Are they sentient?
“You guys can talk out of you’re lines?”
Chica coughed.
Then Bonnie spoke up.
“Yeah, also we all are sorry about the… You know…” what Bonnie meant to say was: ‘were very sorry for making you shit allover yourselves with our creepy ass endo eyes and trying to brutally murder you and all.’ But Bonnie summed it up alright.
“All is forgiven, after all, were all dead! Also freddy carry Kyle were getting out of here.”
Old perspective.
The ponies watched in awe, horror and confusion as the alien, who identified himself as Mike and the other one as Kyle, talked to the (revealed to be) robots. Fluttershy was tending to Rainbows small wound, those aliens sure could pack a punch.
Twilight ran forwards
“You cant leave! We need to talk to you!”
“About what purple pony?” Mike said, a lot of sarcasm in his voice.
“What you plan to do in Equestria! We are here on behalf of princess celestia, co-ruler of this land, and you’ll either come with us or you're coming by force!” All the ponies to position, elements at the ready, except for fluttershy as she didn't want to hurt the aliens, rainbow was limping, but wanted to DESTROY the aliens.
“Alright.”
“Okay girls, go fo- wait what?”
“I said alright, in true alien spirit…”
Mike put on the most disgusting slimy alien voice ever.
“Take me to you’re leader.”
Thank you for flying air Vertibird.
Chapter 5: Air Veribird
The walk back to the tree library was pretty uneventful, with the exception of all the screaming ponies when 2 aliens and 4 robots came marching into town.
“Alright so, the princess would like to meat you 6, robot things included.”
Twilight said, Fluttershy left with RD to check her wound, but the doctors said it was already cleaned and bandaged, turns out Shy’s medical skills weren't shit.
Mike pulled a radio out of his backpack, where this stuff came from he never will know.
It looked like one of the radios from fallout 3 or NV. Mike turned a few knobs as the ponies sat in silence, Kyle and the anamatronics practically deactivated. Rainbow was giving mike the stink eye as he sat in a chair across from her.
‘Hardly spoke to folks around him didn’t have too much too say…’
“Ah nice, love this song.” Mike said as he hummed to the tune of ‘Big Iron’.
“Can you turn that off? If really annoying.” Rainbow said, she didn't understand the majesty of the radio.
“I dunno dash, it sounds pretty good to me.” AJ said. Figures, country for country. (or western.)
‘There was 40 feet between em’ when they start to make the play…’
“Theres a mare who knows her music.” Mike said, putting on an ‘eat shit’ face to Rainbow.
“So… How does that work?” Twilight asked, scooting over to Mike.
“I'm not really sure, but I know back were I’m from theres huge radio towers, which broadcast music and stuff to radios like this. But there are no radio towers on this planet to my knowledge.”
‘I love those dear hearts, and gentle people…’
“What a nice song.” Fluttershy whispered, but loud enough so we could hear.
“Don’t thank me, than probably dead Bob Crosby!” Mike said, as he stood up, placing the radio were he sat.
“Got anything to drink? This waitings soooooooooo boring.”
“Tell me about it…” Dash mumbled under her breath.
“In the kitchen around the corner.” Twilight said.
Mike walked into the kitchen as Spike came down the stairs.
“Hey Twilight…” Then he saw sleeping beauty and the 4 robots. “WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!” Spike practically yelled.
“Calm down Spike, there not from around here. There's another one in the kitchen.”
Twilight said, calming Spike down.
“There's an alien in the kitchen?” Spike said, looking over at the kitchen.
“Yeah, but he's a bit irittab-“
“FUCK!” Mike stubbed is toe.
“Oh wow.” Spike said.
Mike came tumbling into the library's entrance.
“FUCKINGSHITASSHOLEDICKBALLSSHIT!” Mike was holding his right foot, oh god the pain.
“Hey Mike, theres a kid in here.” Twilight said. Mike looked up and stopped swearing.
“Hey! I'm not a kid, I'm just small.” Spike said, he never liked being called a kid or a baby.
“Oh hey kid how ya doin?! Good? Okey wonderful!” Mike said as he stood up and ran over to his bag and radio, knocking it off the chair in the process.
“FUCK THIS TOE!” Mike said as he grabbed his backpack and fell out the front door.
All the ponies were laughing (including spike) except for Fluttershy, who went to help Mike.
“You're all assholes, except for you.” He said pointing at Fluttershy, who blushed a bit.
“Here's a present.” Mike said as he reached into his backpack.
When Mike found what he was looking for, he asked Fluttershy what her favourite Anamatronic there was. She pointed a hoof at Freddy, who's eyes lit up a bit upon hearing his name, but he didn't move afterwords.
He grabbed the Freddy’s plush is out of the bag and tossed it too Fluttershy.
“Oh, thank you! He so cute…” Fluttershy said as she lowered herself to the floor and examined the Freddy plushie.
knock knock knock
Mike put his hand over his mouth to sound like a radio and said.
“LAPD, Open up!” Then started the laugh.
“Royal guard, were here for the um… Aliens?” One of the guards asked through the door.
Twilight went and opened the door, allowing the 5 guards in, all staring directly at the Mike, who was standing up.
“So, us and Mike? Or just Mike and his friends?” Twilight asked.
“Mike?” On of the guards asked.
Twilight pointed a hoof at Mike, dawned in all his armour and security cap.
“And me merry bunch.” Mike said in a pirate voice, stepping back to reveal sleeping Kyle and all 4 of the anamatronics, who must be charging or something.
“Woah.” One of the guards said.
“Yeah, our reactions at first too.” Twilight said.
“Alright so, let's all how were getting to ‘Canterlot’ what a stupid name.” Mike said as he stepped outside, followed by the anamatronics.
The medium sized golden chariot wasn’t gonna do.
“This shit ain't gonna do.” Mike said, if this is what the Equestrian military used for transport, how much gold existed in the ground?
A guard in the generic armour stepped forwards, but his had some medals on it.
“Well, what do you have in mind?” The guard said, in a sassy ass voice.
“A Vertibird.” This is gonna be good.
“A Verti-what?” Stupid little pony…
Mike took out a small radio from the ‘Enclave commander’ mod from Fallout NV.
Looked at the ground, and activated the Vertibird pick-up.
The distant sound of a Vertibird filled the sky, the ponies got on edge as they saw the hugebmet contraption flying towards them, deploying its landing gear, and stopping.
“WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD LF EQUESTRIA WAS THAT?!” The guard pony yelled over the sound of the propellers.
“A VERTIBIRD BITCH! GET IN THE AIR AND LEAD THE WAY! EVERYONE ELSE ON ME!”
All the guards got on the chariot, as Mike and the anamatronics (+ Kyle) and the 6 elements on in the vertibird. Mike closed the door and sat in the captain seat.
“This is you’re captain speaking, sit the fuck down and don’t get up until you have to go ahed.”
Mike said in a generic airplane captain voice.
“Explosives, check.”
“Gatling laser ammo, check.”
“Fuel, 100% and not dropping.”
“Alright hope you're seated, this is gonna be a bumpy ride.”
Mike said, let's hope he remembers XRE controls.
“I think I want to get off now…” All the ponies said in unison.
“This is you’re captain speaking, you're all pussies.”
Mike flipped on his speaker and asked one of the guards on the chariot for coordinates of the castle, then he marked them on a map of Equestria and handed it to Mike through the little slit in the Vertibird.
“BYE BYE FUCKERS!” Mike yelled at the guards as he took off, hearing all the ponies in the back yelling.
“This is you’re captain speaking, Canterlot in sight.”
Mike said.
“NO WAY! It takes like an hour to get to canterlot for- oh you’re right we are here.” Pinkie pie said. First time she's spoke in a long time. The guards out in the chariot landing pads looked terrified of the Enclave monstrosity that is the vertibird.
Mike flipped on the speakers.
“VERTIBIRD 123 FUCK YOU, REQUESTING PERMISSION TO LAND!”
Princess celestia heard a loud constant whirring noise coming from the landing pads, wich were almost across the whole castle.
“I'm going to go check this out, sorry everypony, day court is over for today!”
The angry mumurs of spoiled nobles echoed through the throne room.
Celestia got off the throne and started to walk to the landing lads, whirring getting louder as well as an very loud voice.
“…REQUESTING PERMISSION TO LAND!”
The guard flanking celestia went and opened the door for her, as she stepped out the noticed the huge flying contraption, and Twilights face in one of the large slits on the front of the machine.
In order to be heard over the machine, she had to use IT.
“PERMISSION GRANTED!” The royal canterlot voice boomed across to air into the machine.
It lowered itself down to the ground, deploying wheels and rolling to a stop, eventually the 2 propellors stopped and the door on the machines right opened, with the elements of harmony tumbling out.
“Thank your for flying air Vertibird, please come again!” Said an unknown voice from inside the machine as 2 slim legs peeked out of the small door, eventually the whole form stepped out, this must have been one of the creatures from the rift.
“I'm never flying again…” Twilight said as she balanced herself out.
Then she noticed the princess.
“Oh my, sorry princess.” Twilight apologized all her friends did.
The aliens was eye level with the Princess, it stuck out its arm and opened up its claw, looking like it wanted a hoof shake.
“Hi, so you're the princess. Nice ta’ meet you, I'm Mike Schmidt.”
“Princess Celestia of Equestria, its always a pleasure to meet new a new species, especially one that can talk.”
And they shook, hand and hoof.
Chapter 6: ITS ME! 1/2
There was an awkward silence after the shake was done, many of the guards stood ready, incase Mike, or any of the recently active animatronics started a problem.
“So, what now?” Mike asked, the princess gave off this assertive, yet motherly and caring aura. Something that was nice and sweet, but gave also a don’t fuck with me.
“I believe we must discuss you’re business in Equestria, along with whatever those are. No offence.” She said, pointing a hoof at the anamatronics, Freddy still carrying an unconscious Kyle. (What a lazy bitch.)
“Let's go to the throne room, I'm sure Luna will be there by now. Especially after the commotion.” Celestia said, the headed to the throne room, followed by Mike, the animatronics (+ Kyle), the element bearers and a small group of guards surrounding them from all sides.
They drew stares from all the guards they passed by on their way to the throne room, some guards even faltering to keep there statue-like pose when they laid eyes on Foxy.
Eventually they made it to the throne room, attracting the attention of all the nobles who refused to leave.
“MONSTER!” Was the most common shout as all the nobles when into a tear-filled rampage as they fought to get out of the throne room.
“So… How often does this happen?” Mike said, trying to stop the awkward silence, but failing and just making it worse.
A couple more seconds passed…
“A lot. But anyways, let's get down to business.” Celestia said, Mike hurts into laughter upon hearing this. Apparently this term didn’t exist in pony land. Even Chica and Bonnie laugher a bit.
Looking around a bit, Mike spotted Luna on the throne next to the one with the sun emblem on it, which he assumed was Celestias.
“Greetings…” Luna said, maybe she new that I accidentally fired a couple of lasers at one of the random 1 of 2 billion towers on the castle (key word being accidentally).
Mike looked back at Celestia.
“I don’t think I'm alright…” Mike said, almost in a whisper.
“Oh? And why is this?” Celestia hoped the magic radiating off Equestria wasn't effecting this being from another universe.
“No I don’t mean sick or in pain, I… I'm pretty sure my brain is a sentient potato sometimes, a
24/7 high potato that’s snorted too much kocaine.” Mike said, getting a bit unbalanced. ‘Why now? Why in front of the rulers of this land?!’ Mike thought.
“I think I need to take a nap…” Mike fell to the floor, but not unconscious, yet.
‘Please god don’t let me down!’
‘There is no god.’ A voice said in Mikes head.
‘Who are you?’ Was Mike being brainwashed?! Probably not.
‘ITS ME’ the voice said.
‘No god please, not the hallucinations again.’ The hallucinations stopped after Mike saw Golden Freddy in his office that one time.
“HOLYFUCKINGSHITWHAT!” Mike exploded out of his paralyzed state, smacking both the princesses and 3 of the elements, Twilight, Rainbow and Fluttershy. And also knocking a bunch of busts of random ponies over, usually breaking them.
The guards ran over, a few called for a medic or a doctor.
The ponies seemed okay, Mike didn’t break their jaws of severely wounded them, just bitch slapped 5 of the most important ponies in Equestria, that’s all.
3 guards surrounded Mike, and the animatronics, why were all ready to wreak shit of they had too.
Freddy set Kyle down next to Mike and took defensive position a around the 2 unconscious humans.
“Don’t kill the pony things, we don’t want a war on our hands.” Freddy said, all responsibility were on him considering he was the leader of the Fazband.
“Okay!” Chica replied, cheery yet dead serious.
“Got it.” Bonnie said, not taking an eye off the guards.
“Aye!” Foxy said, eyepatch lowered for intimidation.
The princesses and elements were taken out of the room to an unknown location, while more guards continued to pour into the throne room.
“This is it…” Freddy said, stepping back and hoysting Mike and Kyle over his shoulders, as Bonnie and Chica moved to compensate for him stepping back.
“3…”
“2…”
“1…”
ITS ME (holy hell, what have i done?!)
Chapter 6 (Ending): holy crap.
“That was, unexpected.” Celestia was confused when Mike just curled up on the floor, and got even more confused when he had some sort of muscle spasm, hitting Celestia, Luna, Twilight, Fluttershy and Applejack.
“I'd say, that was profoundly brutish.” Rarity never liked Mike, maybe it was because he never wore anything fancy?
“I'm sure it was something else, he wouldn't just smack us all across the face.” Twilight said, she saw Mike as a pretty cool guy, a bit crazy and random and pretty damn irritable.
“I reckon’ he might a’ just been spooked.” AJ said, tossing in her words into the bloody great battle between if Mike was good, or a no good dirty rotten dirtbag.
And let's just say the good guy part wasn't winning.
Even with the strong points and what little time Twilight used to teach him about Equestrian customs and ways of life, the ‘Good guy’ Mike wasn’t seen amongst the ponies.
“So, if Mike is really a bad guy, along with his friends, what are we gonna do?” Twilight asked, the whole group probably wanted to ask this question.
“I'm not sure, but if we were doing things normally, we would ask about him, get some info, and lock him in a sell or set him free. Maybe even turn him into stone and reform him like Discord.”
Alright, so Mike maybe sorta yes totally ditched Freddy’s ‘Do not kill’ plan and whipped up a goddamn flamethrower and some sort of juggernaut suit. He woke up to see Foxy tossing a guard into another one and Chica tossing a pizza in multiple guards faces. What a way to wake up.
Now they were stomping down a hallway, tearing the whole hallway up with minigun rounds and fire, Foxy was covered in blood all around his arms, guess he ditched the no killing idea too.
“Bring baaaaaack…” 12 more unlucky guards filled with lead.
“BRING BAAAAACK!” Wall out to the landing pads smashed down, with 3 more guards ripped apart by Foxy and Freddy.
“BRING BACK MY BONNIE TO MEEEE!” Mike was literally losing whatever sliver of sanity he had.
All the animatronics were inside the Vertibird, and Mike was almost fully in when he heard some dumb idiot who didn't learn his lesson yet yell at him.
“Where do you think you're going monster?!” Prince Blueblood thinks he could slay this demon that’s been terrorizing the halls of the castle. But when he got a good look at the armoured, blood ridden monster that he had come to slay, he almost soiled himself.
“Look, little faggot, get the fuck outta here, and I'll spare you're life.” Mike really didn’t want to kill anything else, he already had dented his super stylish armour 2 times.
“I order you to stand down!” Blueblood yelled at Mike.
“You think you have authority over me?!” Pffffffhahahahahah!” Mike literally couldn't contain his laughter any longer, his super joyous murder spree made him keep it all in.
Foxy climbed out and walked over to Mike, crimson fur now stuck together and dried up. Not to mention caked with blood.
“Oy’ lass, we be needin ya’ to steer our vessel!” Foxy’s never been happier in his life, his very own airship!
“Alright alright, just… Hehehe… Let me kill this dumb pony.” Mike got up and took out his pistol, aiming it at Blueblood.
Oh boy was Blueblood terrified of the bloody pirate robot fox thing.
He heard it killed some of his friends in the guard, and actually killed most of the guard in the castle. Now here it was, talking like nothing to this demon.
And now it was his turn to join his friends in hell.
“Bye bye anonymous horse!” Then Mike squeezed the trigger, blowing Blueblood’s brains allover the landing pads near the Vertibird.
“Lets get going Foxy.” And they want and climbed back into the Vertibird, starting the engines.
“Hey, you guys even remember who I am?” Mike asked, he didn't work at Freddy’s for 2 months, so he doubted they remembered him.
“Yeah.” They all said at once. Guess not.
“Well whatever, sit down, shut down, I'll fix you're servos if their not functioning properly when we land. Wherever that may be.”
And then Mike pulled back on the control sticks, lifting the Vertibird back off the pad and sound a 180, flying into the sunset.
“PRINCESS!” a random guard who survived the attack just burst into the hospital, now bustling with activity and boatloads of bloody and dead guards alike.
“How many?” Celestia asked, solemnly.
“Uh… The Doc’s total count so far says 367 injured, and 512 killed.” The guard said, head drooping to as low as possible.
‘How could we take such a devastating loss? That's ¼ of the guards killed in the war against discord, and that was 1000 years ago.’ Celestia thought.
Twilight and her friends were practically dying due to dehydration, all their tears were in a puddle on the ground.
Fluttershy didn’t even do anything after she heard how man people died, the loss must have broken her.
Twilight tried to comfort herself.
Rarity had her head in her hooves, crying her heart out.
And AJ and Rainbow wanted to kill Mike and his friends for what he did.
Let's just say Mike wasn't on the ‘Good guy’ side.
Chapter 8: Shot down. Twice.
1 week later…
“Ow god.” Mike steadied out the vertibird, the Equestrian military (is it still just the guard?) found them easily, after all, they were in a large flying metal shell.
…..
The guard chariots were keeping close, they had some sort of magic powered cannon that clearly did something to the Vertibird. The cannon absorbed nearby magic, so it required a unicorn for a faster reload.
“FIRE!” The cannon erupted with smoke as the modified cannon ball flew directly towards the let ‘wing’ of the Vertibird.
…..
KA-BOOM! The left propellor of the Vertibird exploded, making the Vertibird teeter left and fly towards the ground at an alarming rate.
“AW SHIT!” Mike said as the Vertibird hit the ground, he tried his hardest to keep the Vertibird in the air and try to land a couple lasers off on the chariot that shot at them, the other 2 were carrying guards and the elements or whatever they were called.
The Vertibird smashed into the ground, making the cabin lights go out. Mike took out his railgun and climbed to the door that used to be on the side, but was now on the roof, he climbed out and took aim.
“FUCK YOU!”
The chariot erupted into an large blue explosion, ending everything in and on it.
“Hit him with a sleep spell!” One of the Pegasus guards said, scared for his life after seeing some of his friends just got disintegrated.
“On it!” On of the unicorns aboard the longer transport chariot climbed past the guards to get to the front, when she got there she saw that weird weapon aimed at their chariot, she had to do it NOW!
Pew
Mike felt a weird pain in his chest as he looked down, there was this magical energy floating around in front of him.
“Goddamn.” Then Mike fell asleep, falling back into the Vertibird.
All the chariots landed, all the guards got off to surround the demolished beast.
Then the elements got into position, ready to do some good.
Then they used the elements, floating up in the air, rainbow connecting all around to Twilights element.
The rainbow sailed across the sky and slammed into the Vertibird, turning it from top to bottom into stone, along with the things inside.
Chapter 8: Offer.
The small class of children followed the teacher around the Canterlot gardens, learning the last of ages old relics and monuments.
“What's what one?” One of the children asked, who stopped behind the group.
“Which one?” The teacher asked, walking back to were the young colt was.
“They one, it looks really broken.” The colt said to the teacher.
“woah!” All the kids went over to the statue and loved the weird things on it, the plaque read:
‘in remembrance of the some 517 stallions and mares who lost their lives against the out worlder.’ The teacher remembered the story's of the huge tear in the sky, along with the destruction of 25% of Canterlot castle.
This was what caused it.
This large metal (not to mention currently glowing a bright blue) monstrosity.
“Guards guard!” The teacher yelled, running towards one of the nearest guards.
“What is it ma'am?” The guard asked, that firm on duty stallion voice always present.
“The statue there!” She pointed at hoof at the Vertibird. “Its glowing, what if IT comes back?!”
The guard looked over to the others, he nodded his dead and ran off to find the princess.
Too bad no pony noticed the crack in the concrete of the statue.
…..
Mike awoke smashing his head off the ceiling of the enclosed space he was in.
“Ow, fuck…” Mike felt around.
“Alright, still in the Vertibird.” Mike climbed over the animatronics who were frozen on the ground to get to the dashboard of the Vertibird.
The small screen came to life, providing enough light to see the whole inside of the Vertibird.
“Wow, how long was I out?” The whole inside of the Vertibird was rusty and occasionally had mold in some spots.
Also, where the fuck is Kyle?
Mike checked the date and time in the screen, revealing it to be Nov 21, 8781.
“Holy fuck.” Mike said, no wonder the Vertibird was so cold. And almost 6500 years in the future.
Mike, with no other options made a check list.
Animatronics: Servos need a good fixin’
Kyle: probably died ages ago and decomposed in the Vertibird.
Backpack and guns: check. I hope…
Alright so, were set.
Mike tried to flick on the animatronics, but got no response.
“Batteries must have died.” Mike said, producing a large battery from his backpack, and hooking it up to all 4 animatronics.
Mike let them charge, he thought…
‘What if I can make a food from this backpack, that doesn't exist anymore?’
Then Mike thought really hard, it seemed that whatever he thought about appeared in the bag, but if too big, appeared in an almost poke-ball like form.
Poof
“AWWW FUCK YEAH!”
Poof
“YESSSS!”
Mike reached into his bag and pulled out an extra large box of twinkies and a large can of whipped cream.
‘Best. Backpack. EVER!’ Mike though, as he stuck the nozzle of the whipped cream into one of the 2 holes on the bottom of the Twinkie, and filled it with even more diabetes.
Then Mike brought it in front of his mouth, the desire to eat this super Twinkie burning like an inferno.
“Oh… My…. God…” Mike licked the whipped cream off the Twinkie, THE FUCKING DESIRE MAN.
But you see, Mike couldn’t just eat this Twinkie, he had to savour it like he couldn't produce 1 million more in the future.
Then he took a bite.
Bliss.
That's all Mike felt, pure, not shitty happiness. This Twinkie was literally a creation of a god. And Mike was that god.
Mike heard the little poof of something appearing in his backpack, he pulled it out, it was a small hardwood plaque with a square of gold on it.
‘Mike Schmidt: god of diabetes.’
Mike cried, until he heard the sound of rust squeaking.
Mike produced a doctors bag (F:NV) and threw one at Chica, absorbing it on impact, all rust visibly vanishing.
“Thank Mike!” Chica said.
Mike then produced 3 more doctors bad, effectively fixing all the animatronics.
Mike looked down at his century old ripped clothes.
‘This need to change.’ Mike said, producing a nice suit, everything from shoes to glasses, in his backpack.
The suit was just a regular black and white tuxedo, but with a pistol holster inside it, so he could make some cheesy one liner when he reaches in and pulls out a shiny .44 and blows something's brains out.
Needless to say he looked fucking dope.
…..
Princess Luna was doing night court when the guard ran into the throne room.
“Princess Luna!” The princess looked over at the guard who was panting furiously.
“What is it?” Luna asked, trying not to let her ‘Ye olde english’ voice in.
“The statue, its glowing…” The guard said, Luna remembered that monster, the one that killed almost half the guard in canterlot.
And she was the one who authorized the attack.
“Alright, let's get going, bring more guards.” Luna said, stepping off the throne.
…..
The element bearers got pretty ok in the passing years, ponies live for a long ass time though so it's ok.
Fluttershy was still haunted by the dead faces of the guards wheeled into the hospital.
Even though somewhere, she could find it in her heart to forgive Mike.
Twilight was scared for her brother, he's been trying to make the guard 500% more efficient since the attack.
Rarity was sad, then pissed, then ok.
AJ was still upset about the amount of loyal ponies that died trying to stop Mike.
RD wished she killed Mike herself.
But eventually all the ponies forgot, except the ones who’s friends or family died.
But nopony ever expected Mike to come back from the dead.
…..
The Vertibird visibly shook, nocking the God-Twinkie out of Mike’s hands.
“NOOOOOOOOOO!”
…..
“The guards trying to move the Vertibird made some progress by rolling it right-side-up.
Then they heard a cry of pure sadness, as did the whole universe.
“What was that?” One of guards asked.
“Him.” Another said, cryptically.
Multiple guards climbed into the Vertibird to pry the door off.
…..
The door to the Vertibird creaked slightly open. A stream of sunlight poured through that small crack, the exploded as if the sun itself was inside the Vertibird. The ponies poked their head inside the Vertibird, seeing Mike holding a Twinkie in both hands, but the Twinkie was really fat.
And Mike was also crying.
…..
Mike looked up and all his memories came back too him…well… The ones with ponies at least.
“HOLY SHIT.” Mike yelled grabbing around for his revolver he produced.
“Wait no! Stop!” The guard said through the small Vertibird door.
“NO! You fucking killed me for over 6000 years!” Mike said, then his hand landed on the revolver, which is loaded.
“No wait! We need you're help!” The pony said, hoping not to get this murderous creature to calm down.
“Why do you need my help?” Mike said, aiming the revolver at the pony’s face.
Why did they need his help? He almost killed their whole army.
……
100 years prior (which is like 10 year in our time.)
A letter appeared in front of Celestia, and the letter was not happy.
‘Dear Equestria, I have reason to believe that you are building up power to amass a large military force, even larger and more skilled than ours.
The evidence to back this up, has been announced publicly.
1, Princess Luna’s return. Another alicorn with heavy magical powers to add to another.
2, the creature that appeared in Equestria that has the military might of all of the planet in 5 creatures. 4 of which, are large animals to my understanding. And the sixth, the one that died after the attack in Canterlot.
3, the reformation of Discord. Spirit of CHAOS.
4, the substantial increase in soldiers and the addition of crossbows and new magic powered cannons.
5, you're super weapon, which was capable of destroying Discord AND the 5 creature that ‘appeared’ in Equestria.
And lastly, you're plans of reforming these 5 creatures.
Send a return letter with substantial evidence, if you have none. We will march on Equestria soon.
Signed, Griffin emperor Hawkeye.’
“Oh no…” Celestia said muttering to herself.
…..
99 years later…
Celestia didn’t have any evidence to send. She sent a reply letter stating she didn’t have any evidence, but Equestria hasn't been to war in over 10,000 years and has no desire to.
The emperor didn’t need that shit and sent a reply stating that in 1 year, they would mark all of Equestria for war.
‘Why won't he listen to reason?’ Celestia thought.
Then she also remembered Mike.
The statue spell would fall in a year. If they had Mike to assist Equestria, (it would also prove the emperors theory.) they would win. But why would Mike help us? He hated ponies. But we made the first move.
Was it not our faults all those guards died?
…..
“And why would I help you?!” Mike yelled at the unwanted guest.
“Just come on out, Princess Luna would like to tell you.” The guard said, stepping back.
Mike poked his head out of the Vertibird, and met face to face with sunlight.
“AH FUCK!” Mike yelled, retreating inside the Vertibird.
After about a minute or so, Mike produced some sun glasses and poked his head out again, this time able to see about 50 or so guards, not counting the 20 or so operating the 5 MCs trained on his position. (Magical Cannon.)
Mike spotted princess Luna. He turned his head back inside the Vertibird to speak to the animatronics.
“You guys stay here, if something goes wrong and you hear gunfire, come help.” Mike said. All the anamatronics did a little nod.
Mike climbed back outside of the Vertibird, planting his feat on the ground.
All was quiet.
“One small step for man…” Mike said, trying to make this moment as cool and dumb as possible.
“… One giant leap for mankind.”
Mike stomped a foot in the soft soil, not caring that about 500 guards had long range explosive weapons trained on him.
Mike plopped down an American flag, smiling.
“What nations flag is that?” One of the guards said, asking everyone who could hear.
Mike stated at him, with his most intimidating face.
“Murica.” Mike said, then walked down the pathways the guards formed after moving out of his ways.
Mike walked down the path, humming some sort of wester song, like when there's some sort of showdown.
He stopped about 5 feet away from The princess.
“Yo.” Mike said. I guess over 6000 years his brain must have healed and regained his sanity or something. Or maybe I'm just retarded.
“Greeting Michael Schmidt.”
wait. How did she know Mikes full name?
“How do you know my name?” Mike said, pointing a finger at the princess.
Well, we did a bit of digging on where you come from after visiting the location of the tear that spat you out, and we re created it and went inside after using magic to recreate a human form. Might I say you have some very interesting technology, we also read up on some of you’re history from that book you left in Canterlot after you're… massacre… which you will have to apologize profoundly for, that you're country ‘America’ has fought in some pretty violent wars.”
Luna said, so Mike did leave that book in Canterlot…
“And so, you think that I'm a battle hardened war hero?” Mike asked.
“Yes, you obviously have some talents in that regard. And incase I haven't stated it yet, were going to war shortly against former allies, but recently they have come to believe that were becoming an even more powerful military force than their own. So we hoped for you’re assistance in battle if you're willing to look past everything that happened.”
Line hoped Mike would say yes, without his assistance Equestria would definitely lose the war.
“ok.” Mike replied.
This was gonna be a long process and war.
Chapter 9: The Combine.
Mike watched from one of the castle balconies as the guards in training marched, got yelled at and trained. Some of them were too scared too fight a war, especially with the man that killed hundreds of their ranks.
‘What a fucking pathetic group of soldier. OH WAIT SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE VERTIBIRD!’ Mike thought, falling off his chair in an attempt to get off it, he got up and turned around and burst through the doors and smashed into something soft.
“Ugh… My head… Never doing that again.” Mike looked at what he was laying on, I was an artificial crimson fur, like the fur found on…
“OH JESUS!” Mike jumped up to his feat and backed up from the robot fox, until he remembered that they didn't what to give him the shittiest death possible.
“Oh… I forgot.” Mike looked back at Foxy, then he noticed the the other animatronics behind him along with Celestia.
“Oh hey. Sorry bout’ that Celestia.” Mike said, scratching the back of his head.
“No no, it was quite alright. But I need to… Re-introduce you to some ponies.” Celestia said, looking behind her down the corridor that lead to the throne room. A quiet anxious talk was going on between multiple ponies.
‘I bet its those fuckers that killed me or whatever they did. Killed Kyle then.’ Mike thought.
“It's the Elements, you know Twilight Sparkle and her friends.” Celestia sad, a bit of remorse on her expression.
‘Why does she seem sad about that? I killed a lot of her ‘little ponies’… OH FUCK PRANK IDEA.’ Mike thought as he dug through his backpack, pulling out the same old blood covered juggernaut suit, and some fake blood.
“What are you doing?!” Celestia said, those items he had were locked up in the Canterlot vault!
“Pulling the worlds best prank.” Mike said with a devilish grin.
He placed on the armour and squirted and smeared the fake blood along himself and the animatronics.
Mike started charging down the hall, Celestias yells to stop echoing behind him.
…..
thump ThUmP THUMP
“Oh no…” Twilight said, looking at the door were Celestia went to get somepony.
BOOMM!!!
The door into the throne room exploded open, spewing wood splinters and rubble everywhere.
“ARE YOU READY FOR FREDDY?!” Mike yelled at the top of his lungs.
“AHHH!” All the ponies screamed and huddled together, without the elements, they had no chance of survival!
There fears were lowered by 1% when they heard Mike laughing his ass off, rolling on the floor. And Princess Celestia standing over him.
“Come on Mr. Schmidt, you've had you’re fun…” Celestia said.
“Ok ok. Fine.” Mike said, his armour and blood vanishing into a fancy shiny suit.
Rainbow stepped forwards.
“HIM?! This was the pony you said we would enjoy meeting again?!?! HE KILLED HALF THE GUARD IN CANTERLOT!” Rainbow said, with every word taking a step forwards.
Rarity spoke up.
“Might I say, you're looking quite fine in that suit. I've already looked past the whole ‘mass-murderer’ considering no killed would wear something that nice.”
Rainbow looked at her in disbelief.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” Rainbow yelled at Rarity, then turned back too face Mike.
“First we have this incoming war with the griffins, AND NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS MONSTER!” Rainbow got directly into Mikes face, but Mike did not falter in keeping an ‘I don’t give a single shit.’ Face.
“Ok, I've had enough of you’re shit. I'm helping you win the war!” Mike yelled at Rainbow.
“See?! Nothing to say fo—wait what?” Rainbow said, looking back to Mike.
“I said I'm helping Equestria win the war. Might I add the war the would be over in hours when I want it too end. Which surprisingly enough, could be right now.” Mike said, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a small glowing cube.
“And how this?” All the ponies in the room said at once, even the guards.
“The Combine.” Mike said, dropping the cube on the ground and letting it pop up into a Combine Strider.
“Wow.” All the ponies said, looking at the multiple story tall giant war machine.
The Strider made a weird noise, shock could be heard due to echoing throughout the whole castle.
“I don’t see how a tall alien will help up win against an army of thousands of well trained viscous griffins.” Twilight said.
“That's easy, more Combine.” Mike said, dropping another cube, and popping 15 Hunter and 100 AR2 armed Combine soldiers.
“Ok, now I'm convinced.” Celestia said. Mike pulled out 2 more cubes, dropping one onto the ground and loading the other into a grenade launcher.
The cube in the floor formed into a teleporter, but not activated.
“Come with me.” Mike ran out too the balcony and fired the grenade launcher off mikes away into the distance, landing right in the centre of the everfree forest.
The whole ground rumbled, and a large swarm of Combine gunships flew overhead towards the landing site.
A very wide building rose into the sky, forming a hole in the clouds.
“WHAT IS THAT?!” Twilight and Celestia yelled over the rumbling.
“THE CITADEL!”
Seriousness. And paintball.
Chapter 10: pew pew!
The ponies, Mike and the animatronics watched the citadel rise up from the ground, light up and start pumping out striders and gunships. They heard movements and one of the strider noises coming from the throne room. Mike heard it first, secretly hoping the combine didn’t kill the guards in the room or the ones that probably came to alert the princess about the citadel suddenly appearing.
Mike opened the doors enough to for his head to poke out. He saw the strider, low to the ground with its weird laser machine gun, thank god its dark matter cannon wast being used. The strider had the 15 hunters around its legs, the soldier were behind the strider and hunters considering they had the longer range.
“Wait!” Mike yelled, getting everything in the room to look at him.
“Permission to engage?” The combine soldier said.
“It's the demon!” The ponies said.
Then Celestia poofed in with her magic, and Mike fully stepped in the room.
“Stand down. Were their allies.” The combine lowered their weapons, but the striders and hunters only eased up a bit.
“The same goes to you.” The princess said to the guards, causing them to stand down.
“I'll be in the citadel planning for war if you need me.” Mike said, stepping into the operational teleporter that leads to the office on the top floor of the citadel. He also lied, he was just going to play Wargame: Airland battle. (BTW, great RTS game.)
The animatronics stepped into the teleporter following Mike.
A 3 combine drop-ships swooped down to the balcony and the combine forces inside Canterlot castle climbed aboard with the exception of the strider, which was picked up. They were all flown back to the citadel to prepare for the war.
…..
The ponies around Equestria were in a panic due to the huge structure that was visible from all over Equestria, maybe even the griffin empire.
The princesses made it their duty to visit every town and city to clear stuff up. Eventually they were asked the single question they didn't have an answer for, or didn't want to answer.
“Why trust Mike he’s called, with the security of our country?” One of the Trottingham reporters said.
“Me and Luna had a long discussion while he was in stone. Eventually we decided that if 1 creature could crush most of the guard in Canterlot with ease, that we wouldn’t stand a chance against the griffins.” Celestia said.
“Now that he's apparently gotten some sort of army, how do we know he wont betray us?” The swim reporter said.
“We don’t, but if Mike decides too, we wont go quietly. But were fairly certain he's happy were he is.” Luna said.
…..
“SHIT!” Mike said, diving behind a flipped over desk.
“WALK THE PLANK LAD!” Foxy yelled at him, pulling his hook back to pull the trigger of the paintball gun.
2 v 2 v 2 paintball status:
Mike and Freddy: Freddy’s out, Mike can take 2 more hits.
Foxy and Bonnie: 1 more hit and the fox is down, 2 more until Bonnie.
Chica and another duplicated Chica: seemingly vanished, probably waiting until everyone's weakened.
“Oh no!” Bonnie yelled, getting a paintball to the leg from Mike who was in cover.
Foxy popped up from his cover and fired a barrage of paintballs in Mike’s direction.
“DAMN!” Mike yelled, getting a paintball in the leg.
“Tuck in you’re legs Mike!” Freddy yelled from the side of the little arena.
“On it!” Mike said, pulling his legs into cover. Mike popped up and took Freddy’s paintball gun off the floor, duel wielding it spraying a swarm of paintballs at Foxy and Bonnie.
“DARN IT!” Bonnie yelled, getting another paintball to the chest, walking over to the side with Freddy.
Somehow all of the paintballs missed Foxy, he was a lot harder to bit with all the holes in him and his slim body.
That sounded really sexual, sorry.
“Foxy! We need to team up, we both have 1 hit until were dead, and both Chica’s have 3! We’d have a better chance if we teamed up!” Mike said.
“An’ how will I know ye’ ain't a back stabbin’ snake?” Foxy asked in his pirate accent.
“Because, I literally just said that we would have a better chance of we worked together to take down the CC. That's what I'm calling it now.” Mike said.
Mike and Foxy stood out of cover. Weapons still pointing down.
Then they heard the pre ‘click’ that comes from a paintball gun before the automatic fire sprays paintballs everywhere.
“We made a mistake.” Mike said.
“Aye.” Foxy said, then they stepped forwards and hugged as the 2 Chica's painted Foxy the colors of the rainbow and bruised every part of Mike’s body possible.
click click click
Mike dropped to the ground unconscious after stating the greatest lat words ever.
“Ouch.”
Chapter 11: Memories.
Turns out the paintball firefight attracted the attention of the whole throne room, and brought in about 15 off duty guards, the princesses and the elements.
“That was awesome!” RD said after Mike fell on the floor.
“I'm not sure if this was training, or just a fun little human activity.” Twilight said. The other Chica disappeared after Foxy and Mike were brutally gunned down.
“Probably both. But more on the fun side.” Celestia said, she couldn't help but smile at the fun they were having in these dark times.
Mike opened his eyes and got up. He looked like a baby tried to make a clown costume with his whole body.
“This sucks. All I can smell is paint and all I can feel is dampness.” Mike said, hobbling into a dark corner to use weird magic to instantly change his clothes. The guard were laughing and a thought popped into Luna's mind.
“Excuse me Mr. Schmidt?” Luna asked, stepping over to Mike.
“Yo.” Mike said flipping around, back in his nice suit.
“I was wondering, that if you could make or develop some sort of modified weapon, or the ‘AR2’ as you called it earlier, for some of the Equestrian soldiers?” Luna asked.
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
“There's really no point, but if you insist.” Mike said, pulling out the blueprints to make an AR2 rifle. I'm sure with magic they would be able to make them. The ponies filed into the teleporter, Rainbow giving him a look of ‘I totally want to do that one day.’ On her face. That's typically the expression of young kids when they see a bunch of U.S marines get gunned down in video games, but Mike didn’t see it that way at all. Depressed him and reminded him of things he wished he’d forgotten. Well now his mood was killed.
Eventually it was just Mike alone in the room. The animatronics went to explore the citadel or something. And the ponies were probably just planning shit for a war that would be over as soon as it started.
“You interest me Mr. Schmidt…” I voice said out of nowhere, snapped out of his thoughts Mike looked around.
“Boy do I hear that a lot.” Mike said. Its true. Ask his boss.
A figure poofed into into the office inside the citadel. Celestia told Mike about him.
“Oh hey whats up Discord?” Mike said, as he plopped himself into the black leather spunky chair behind the desk.
“You obviously, everypony seems to be talking about you! I wish I could have met you back when these ponies were the only thing I ever hated.” Discord said, remembering the ancient war between him and the ponies of old Equestria.
“So I've heard. So you're like the Bad karma failed lone wanderer?” Mike asked, there's no way he would get this. So why did Mike ask?
But some way, in some universe somewhere. (As in this one.) a vault 101 jacked appeared on him.
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t say bad karma, more like neutral.” Discord said, savouring Mike expression.
“Hehe… How do you know these things?” Mike wanted to know. Badly.
“Well, I can see a lot of things from beings using chaos magic. You're backpack, but you specifically are releasing a lot of chaotic energy. I'm sure that why none of the ponies were quick to befriend you, or try, very soon. Also, if you don’t mind me saying I never got a good look at what happened in 2010, could you tell me?” Discord asked, putting on a puppy dog face.
“No.” This want going into detail. ‘Theres a reason I never want to talk about what happened in—NO! Mike stop… That horrible shits gone.’ Mike thought.
“Comeeee onnnnnnnn…. mikey…….” Discord said, putting an even more puppy dog face. (If that's even possible.)
“No. I don’t want to talk about it…” Mike said, tilting his chair around to look out the citadel window.
…..
‘Mike! Let go, now!’ The words of Mike’s old friends echoed in his head…
‘No, if I let go you all die!’
‘Mike… If you don’t let go, all of us inside here die, just let go.’
‘No… I got it!’
‘Over here! Get them!’
‘Oh shit, MIKE LET GO NOW!’
‘NO!’
The rope holding the humvee off the cliff was ripping, if Mike didn’t let go of it, the whole helicopter wreckage he was in would be pulled of the cliff too.
The Marine inside the humvee pulled out a knife and brought it close to the rope.
‘Fuck, STOP! STOP!’ The knife reached the rope
‘Good luck marine.’
Cut.
…..
Mike had a bunch of tears forming in his eyes. “Fuck man… I've been through some shit.” Mike said, spinning around in the chair to use the computer set up on the desk.
The computer booted up very weirdly, with the usual colours just being black and saying weird jibberish.
The only file on the computer was titled ‘don’t.’ It was a photo.
The photo was of a squad of marines stationed in Afghanistan drying the war. The squad was on and airfield, with some A-10’s in the background, one of them being painted black
‘Oh god how I missed that thing…’ Mike thought as he spotted himself as one of the airforce pilots standing in the back-row of the photo with the rest of the CAS (Close Air Support) pilots.
Mike shed a few tears upon seeing his old squad, the squad of which he was the only survivor.
Chapter 12: the chapter were nothing happens.
‘Hunter 2-1, targets are in a horizontal line heading west, get into position and unleash hell, they cant get back to their outpost to re-arm the A-A cannons.’ Mike radio clicked off, the click barley audible over the roar of the A-10’s engine.
“Hunter 2, are you ready?” Mike asked his only other support, command said this was a 2 man job.
“Yep. Weapons loaded and locked.” The man in the tour A-10 said over the radio. The ground was a mess, it was up to the air-force to deal with the amount of fighting in the streets of towns and cities in Afghanistan.
“Fire.” Mike said over the radio, firing every single goddamn shot and explosive he had at the convoy, after all, America and Canada’s gotta make an impression.
Mike looked out his window to see the other A-10 burst into flames after getting the cockpit shredded apart by machine gun fire.
“HOLY SHIT!” Mike yelled, as he barrelled his plane to the left, barley avoiding a spray of bullets.
“Command, Hunter 2 just got fucking obliterated! Possible hostile fighters, I don’t have any flares, or air-to-air weapons!” Mike was so dead.
“Roger that, we got the rest of Hunter on the way, along with A-A support. Our scans show 4 salvaged fighters in you’re A.O, probably what shot you down.” The radio went off, and Mike looked around the outside of his cockpit, until he say one of the fighters above him, spraying bullets all over his right wing. Way to go Mike.
“IM HIT!” Mike yelled over the radio, then ejected out of the A-10 that (praise Jesus) crashed into one of the fighters below it, causing a massive explosion. Mike hit the ground and rolled forwards, then detached his parachute.
Mike heard the whirring of a helicopter.
‘Please god let this be the RCAF.’ Mike though over and over again until he actually got the sun going out of his eyes and saw it was a Canadian medi-vac helicopter, Mike ran over and jumped into the helicopter.
“This sure is some shit…” Mike said, with a bunch of medics coming over to him and the helicopter taking off.
“Were going to re-unite with the rest of Hunter, are you alright?” The medic asked.
“Yeah I'm ok…” Mike looked out the side door of the helicopter until he saw one of the fighters approaching the chopper.
“… GIVE ME A BREAK!” Mike yelled, as the helicopter engines have out after getting peppered with bullets.
The helicopter spun to the ground, some medics flying out of the open door. Poor guys.
SLAM
The helicopter hit the ground. Knocking Mike unconscious due to it landing sideways and him smacking his head on the wall.
Mike woke up to the sound of gunfire, that wounded like a deadly fart. Mike climbed to the front of the sideways helicopter, seeing a rope laying inside the cockpit, and outside of the smashed window was the wreckage of 2 A-A tanks, and a humvee teetering of the edge. That must be Hunter. Or what's left of it…
“Hey… Anyone there?” The radio on the dead co-pilot said, guess Mike was the only survivor.
“Yeah… I'm here… Hey guys….” Mike said. Boy was he thirsty.
“Hey Mike! You're alive! Were kinda… Hanging out here. Can you help us? We heard that hostile a are approaching from the south…”
“Ok… Not much I can do from here but I'll try…” Mike said, taking hold of the rope.
…..
“No way. I'm not going to watch over the castle while under the high high risk of getting raped.” Mike said, crossing his arms. Apparently the princess heard from one of the animatronics that Mike had the ability to watch every room in any building of he was in it. She needed Mike to watch over the castle. She also failed to mention why until Mike asked why the guards couldn't do their jobs. They were suppose to hide in their homes for the rest of the week, upon being asked why Celestia blushed.
Then went into heavy detail, AND I MEAN HEAVY DETAIL, about what all the mares in Equestria to though once a year. And Mike was ready, after practically re creating his office from the pizzeria, doors and cameras installed.
(The Canterlot castle cameras are a lot like the camera layout around the office in FnaF 2, with long hallway still with no camera, and the vents being hallways. All entrances are covered by doors. The dining hall is the throne room.)
“Alright, so I wont see anyone for along time, with the exception of the animatronics if I do this?” Mike asked Celestia.
“Preferably, but if you do come in contact with any of the mares in effect, just try to avoid eye contact, they basically can sense if you're a male by looking into you’re eyes, luckily me an my sister don’t go into every year. We go into it once every 10 years for 1 day, but its horrible…” Celestia said, looking away from Mike.
“I better be getting paid for this…” Mike said, putting on his old security uniform.
“You will. 120 bits a week.” Celestia said.
“Goddamn it.” Mike said, sitting in his office chair.
Unfortunatley for Mike, the elements snuck in to lock themselves away from the sex warfare. But little do they know, they locked themselves in with it. Partially.
Chapter 12: sleep is not for the weak
“Also, lock the front door.” Celestia said, dropping a key on the desk, then teleporting back to her room.
Night 1
12:00 PM
‘Better fucking hurry.’ Mike vaulted over the desk and charged down the hall to the front door. Eventually he reached it. He opened it to see the outside and what a mistake it was.
There were unconscious stallions everywhere. Poor guys. But the main problem here, were the ass load of mares now staring directly at Mike, what a loud door.
“Oh shit.” Mike said, as he saw all the mares run towards the door.
He slammed it shut and locked it as fast as possible, as soon as he turned the key he was knocked off his feat as all the mares slammed into the door.
“Oh god oh god oh god…” Mike said, crawling backwards as fast as he could. He hit his head on the desk, and climbed over it to press the button for the main door.
“The fucking animatronics were better than this…” Mike said, getting into the chair.
Hallway: check.
Left hall and right hall: good to go.
Guest room camera: OH GOD THERE HERE!
In the guest room camera, one of the doors were open, with 6 mares their, Mike shined the camera light on them, it was the elements. He flicked on the mic, because it could probably scare them off.
“What are you doing here?!” Mike yelled through the mic, still watching the camera.
“Mike?!” All the ponies yelled.
“Yeah its me. You're not suppose to be here.” Mike replied. Please leave…
“Twilight I thought you said nopony would be here?” Rarity asked Twilight, who was swerving profoundly.
“I though nopony else was here!” She ran over the the camera.
“Mike you gotta get out of here before we change!” Twilight said into the camera, then looking back at her friends, who seem to be in a trance.
“Oh no…” Twilight said.
“MIKE YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW!” Twilight yelled to the camera, them the feed was lost.
“Oh fuck me…” Mike said, quietly.
“Gladly…” A voice came from the left door, Mike looked over and saw Rainbow standing a step away from the space the door takes up. Oh and she looked like a psychopath.
“NOPE!” Mike yelled, slamming to door shut. ‘How did she get here so fast?!’ Mike thought.
He changed the camera to Celestias room, not visible in her bed, but she was their.
“Flashy flashy.” Mike said, flashing the can lights.
Celestia rolled around a bit.
“FLASHY GODDAMN FLASHY!” Mike flashed the light a lot more.
“Ok Mike… I'm up.” Celestia said. Climbing out of bed.
“What?” Celestia asked the camera.
“YOU NEVER TOLD ME TWILIGHT AND HER STREET GANG WERE HERE!” Mike was ligitematley pissed.
“THEIR WHAT?!” Celestia yelled at the camera, then Ran down the hall.
Bang bang bang.
“It me Mike! Open the door!” Celestia said. Mike opened up the door, than flashed the light, boy was he glad it was Celestia.
“GET IN HERE NOW!” Mike said, as he heard hoof steps at an alarmingly fast speed. Celestia jumped into the room and Mike slammed the door shut, hearing multiple thuds.
“What was that about?” Celestia asked Mike, who pulled out the tablet to show her the cam feed outside the door.
“Oh my… You weren't joking.” Twilight and her friends were piled up outside the door.
6 AM!
“AWWWWW YEAH!” Mike yelled.
“What?” Celestia asked.
“Its 6! I can go to wherever my preferable home is!” Mike said, starting to walk out of the office.
“No you cant. Not for the rest of the week!” Celestia said. Guess Mike forgot.
“Yeah? Well he's got the day shift.” Mike said, plopping a metro-cop on in the office and handing him the tablet.
“I'll be back when he's been killed.” Mike said, stepping into the teleporter.
Celestia looked at the metro-cop.
“Ok then.” She said, then returned to bed.
Mike walked up to the bed he put in the corner of the office in the citadel, and hopped into it.
Sleep time.
The beginning of needless naval warfare.
Chapter 13: NEEDLESS NAVAL WARFARE!
Mike tossed an turned in his bed. Boy was this mattress comfortable.
[this is the moment were writers block happens. I literally sat here for hours.]
“Fuck it.” Mike climbed out of the bed, 4:23 pm. Not bad. Mike walked over to the desk in the citadel and took out his back-up tablet. Apparently spawning or whatever it's called, makes Mike sick, but only slightly every time he uses it and how big the item is. The citadel hit hard.
He switched to the office cam, which was only available on this tablet. And saw the mutilated dead body of the metro-cop, bloody and covered in every body fluid possible.
“What have I done?” Mike asked himself.
“Arewoughyadhfdsifj” an unknown sound came through the teleporter.
“What the hell was that?” Mike said, until a big jumble of endoskeleton with a white head jumped through and jumped on him.
“GAH! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!” Mike asked the big jumble of endoskeleton on the floor, once he got a good look he saw it had a more feminine looking Foxy head, but like 98% of its costume was gone along with one of its eyes.
“NEWCOMERS TO PLAY WITH US…” the weird thing played.
“WHY DO YOU WANT TO STAY?” It said after a few more lines.
“um.” Mike said, still pinned to the ground.
“ITS LIKE THERE S-SO MUCH MORE MAYBE YOU’VE BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE…”
“UM.”
“WE REMEMBER A FACE LIKE YOURS, YOU SEEMED ACQUAINTED WITH THOSE DOOR.”
“UM!”
After that the thing just… Stopped. It just rag-dolled to the ground.
“What the hell was that…?” Mike said, dragging it over to the desk. Mike plopped himself onto the leathery chair and turned on the computer. Booting up normally with all his game’s (including some new ones like FC4) icons appearing in their usual spots.
“What do I want to play…” Mike said, scrolling through the pages and pages of games.
“OH I GOT IT!”
The pixelated badassitude appeared on the screen, the title and the manly eagle.
BROFORCE!
“This is where I wish Kyle was still around. Only use he'd ever have.” Mike said, then started playing a marathon of broforce.
16 hours later…
Mike was so fucking out of energy he looked like a shrivelled up old dick. What could give him enough energy?
Coffee. Not illegal Miami beach snow.
Mike chugged down a whole steaming hot cup of coffee, ignoring the burning pain.
‘xXx_Pu$$y_$l47er_xXX squad has taken control point B, keep fighting!’ Men of war: assault squad displayed on his screen, he loved naming squads dumb things.
‘GEORGE R.R MARTIN squad has taken control point C, we could still win this!’
“Heh heh.” Mike said, fixing up broken tanks to stop the Germans from taking back the points.
“MIKE!” A loud yell echoed through the teleporter.
“Oh shit.” Mike said, as the teleporter spat guards everywhere along with Luna.
“Hey guys…” Mike waved at the guards.
“What did you do?!” Luna asked Mike
“What do you mean?” What did Mike do now?
“One of your soldiers attacked one of Twilights friends!” Luna stomped on the ground, smashing Mikes desk to pieces.
“I dunno bout’ that. I can make it so they wont attack ponies unless ponies attack them. Also, why are you coming to me?” Mike said, opening up his little tablet and then into the combine command thing he set up.
“Because their you’re soldiers!” Luna said, stepping forward with the guards.
“Can we not have bad relations until the griffins declare war. Because then Equestria wont be as useless as a man without legs running track.” Mike said, changing the combine commands so to not attack ponies unless they get into the citadel without permission, or attack.
“Yes… Good point. Well, I guess we will take our leave, but even if my sister trusts you, I do not.” Luna said, turning around, but still looking at Mike.
“Ok bye.” Mike said, then luna left with the guards.
“Ugh. But still what the fuck are you?” Mike said, poofing in a battery to charge up the unnamed animatronic on the floor.
“I hope this is a good idea…” Mike said, plugging in the battery. Holy crap this thing looked like it had been through hell. More than 10 times.
“…statusfhcuwjoperdhcu.” The weird animatronic started up.
‘What the hell is this thing saying?’ Mike thought.
The mangled animatronic started to crawl around the room, until it got to the wall. Then the weird shit started and it climbed onto the roof.
“Holy hell that’s creepy.” Mike said, looking at the Mangle on the roof.
“I gotta find the others and show them this…” Mike said, walking out the doors into the elevator with the Mangle following him on the roof.
“Ok. This is really fucking creepy.” Mike said to himself, then pressed the elevator button.
It was pretty scary to be in close quarters with an animatronic that Mike knows nothing about. But its scarier that it can cover half the elevators space with its multiple limbs.
‘Ding’
Mike turned his back on the Mangle and walked out of the elevator. Mangle still behind him on the roof.
“Come on…” Mike said as he looked down the corridor, with almost all of the metal walls torn down to reveal wiring and supports.
“WHO DID THIS!?” Mike yelled, his voice would echo throughout the whole citadel.
“CURSE IT! It's the dredded captain Schmidt!” Mike heard someone yell.
“This is gonna be fun.” Mike said, filling up the whole citadel production area (where they were) with water, or atleast enough to fill half the huge maze of corridors.
“SET SAIL! THE LANDLUBBER CANT BE FAR IN THESE WATERS!” He heard Foxy yell.
Mike plopped in a battleship big enough to withstand some cannonballs, but small enough to navigate.
Now Mike was no seaman. But he knew how to drive a boat. (and apparently a Vertibird.)
The Mangle climbed into the mighty fine vessel, that Mike made have a flag with his ‘happy’ face on it, surrounded in white.
But the key feature of the flag was the big ‘FUCK YOU!’ at the bottom of the flag.
“You!” Mike said pointing at the mangle. “Man the Vulcan!” Mike pointed at the huge machine gun at the front of the ship, with modified bandoliers leading from around the whole ship into the gun.
The Mangle got how to fire the gun pretty fast, there were literally a trigger that said ‘fire’ above it, a monitor that showed what was in front of the gun and a little knob that goes in all directions marked: ‘aim this bitch.’
Needless to say it was self explanatory.
“INTO THE SEAS!” Mike and Foxy yelled at the same time.