Spike's magical bong

by anthrolover

First published May 5th, 2012 04:04

Spike finds a bong he gets high on it soon every pony in ponyville begins to smoke it too. soon spike discovers the bong makes people explode if they come into contact with apples its up to spike to stop people from using his bong or else there may be no ponyville.

Chapters

The party
manehatten mayhem
trains arent reliable
A sad dragon indeed
no money no weed no spike
no weed no problem !

The party
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Spike's magical bong

The party

The next morning spike woke up to pinkie pie bouncing on top of his head. she yells "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPIKE HOW OLD ARE YOU ARE YOU 16 YET" spike replies " get off pinky its not my birthday and im only 12 so yeah your way off" pinkie says " oh sorry spike lets go your party is outside arent you so happy".after talking with pinkie for a while they finally make it outside where they all say "YAY SPIKE IS CLEAN". rainbow dash says " LETS START THIS PARTY ALREADY WOOOOOO" dj pon3 starts playing some tunes when spike starts to walk over to rarity. rarity blushes slightly " hello spike i heard your going to get clean" spike replies " yeah im going to stay clean and i wanted to say im sorry rarity for keeping this a secret" rarity says" meet me in your room in a few minutes i have a surprise for you " she giggles and leaves.spike says "whats up with her".derpy then says " hhhhheeeeyyy spunk i hhhhhaavve uurrrr ca-" spike interupts" derpy no shhh stay quiet about that okay"she repiles" ooooookkkkaaay" spike then bumps into fluttershy. "oh hey fluttershy ". fluttershy then says" spike you decided to do the miracle plant without me how could you" spike says : hey i didnt mean keep it to my self its that i thought you dont smoke and im pretty sure twlight would of found out sooner". fluttershy responds " its okay next time tell me so you can smoke with me rainbow dash and pinkie pie". spike repiles " you guys smoke holy shit" fluttershy then says " yes but we dont tell twlight,rarity or applejack"." all right then well i need some weed im going to las pegasus". fluttershy says " i have a friend that can help you out his address is 69 m-" rarity screams " SPIKE GET IN HERE " spike runs into the house to find rarity in lingerie."woah rarity you look real nice" he says. rarity then says " come over here spike i want to give you a present for quitting that drug" spike runs over and says whats the present" rarity says " a lap dance for my special dragon"spike smile gets wider and wider as he gets closer to rarity.they begin to passionately and he undos her lingerie.rarity interupts " do you have protection" spike says " regular or spiked ( pun intended)"she says " SPIKED" he goes to his drawer and retrieves it.they continue to kiss for a bit then the door begins to open.rarity pushes spike off as he lands on the floor and says ow.twlight says " hey guys come join the party" then applejack says " YEAH I BOUGHT SOME DELICIOUS APPLE CIDER" rarity and spike look at each other and return to the party.

manehatten mayhem
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Spike's magical bong

manehatten mayhem

spike returns to the party and enjoys it. it will be a while before he returns to ponyville.he heads for derpies house when he sees apple bloom all sad.spike says " hey apple bloom whats the matter". apple bloom replies " i want to go on a adventure but
applejack said no". spike stares at her for a bit and says "hey come with me im going to manehatten". apple bloom's eyes shot up like a sparkler. she yells " YIPPIE IM GOING TO MANEHATTEN". spike whispers " shh lets go you dont want your sister to find out do you". apple bloom nods. later they board the train and they sit down. spike notices some pink panties sticking out of a suit case. he says to apple bloom " hey ill be right back okay ". she nods as she reads her magazine. he rips it out accidently dropping the suit case on a old lady who starts screaming "AGHHHH PEDO BEAR HES BACK". and starts beating the shits out of spike. spike runs around and trips on a little colts toy truck and he lands on a mares lap and says " are these your panties" she gets mad and takes them and pimp smacks him. he flies back and lands on the floor.after the train problems he gets off at manehatten and tells apple bloom to wait by the museum since the tour didnt start for an hour. spike went to the red light district and had some fun when it was time to pay he said " do you accept jewels". and stuck one on one of the hookers flanks.
he was kicked out by the usher. he meets back at the museum for the tour.the tour begins and spike begins to place the camera spikes. apple bloom watches the tour. when placing the final camera a guard saw him he grabs the first bong he sees and runs. he is then stopped by a bong thief he wants the bong because its a special bong. spike says " screw you assface". and shanks the crap out of him with a icepick he stole from the red light district. he races to the train station with apple bloom. he shoves her on a train to canterlot and he jumps on a train to las pegasus. apple bloom yells " spike where are you going". spike replies dont worry about it okay.the train the spike got on begins to leave.

trains arent reliable
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Spike's magical bong

trains arent reliable

as the train moves away spike sits in a seat relaxed when someone puts a magic blaster to his head.the stallion says " give me the bong and i wont splatter your brains like a sack of monkey shit". spike replies" sure" and hits him in the head with the bong. he picks up the blaster and starts moving foward through the train carts. as he moves foward he sees a sucide stallion which pulls a gernade and it blows up the impact knocks spike out and he has a flashback to his first time smoking pot at the great dragon migration.a dragon prepares a bong and hands it to a much younger spike.the dragon says " go on spike its go for you dragons are natural pot smokers look it up man im not even joking". spike lights the bottom of the bong and inhales it. he suddenly wakes up in a train wreckage about a mile away from las pegasus. he stands up and theres a metal pipe that pierced right through his abdomine. he picks up the blaster and looks for the bong.3 stallions show up with blasters.spike shoots one in the skull. his head melts off. the next one is shot in the eye and screams "AGHHH THIS HURT MORE THEN A SKULLFUCK" the guy next to him says" HOW WOULD YOU KNO-" shot right in the mouth by spike.he then loots there bodies and finds the bong under a seat.he pulls out the metal pipe it felt as if a billion needles were stabbing him in one spot repeatedly without rest. he finally removes the pipe and burns the wound with his bong lighter.he walks outside the train wreckage to see the entire train is desroyed with no survivors but the one by his foot. the survivor says " hey how are you alive you faggity dragon" spike replies " fuck you, you scumtit " stomps on him and says "bitch" he walks covered in blood for a mile to las pegasus. meanwhile the wreckage gets told around quickly. it reaches back to ponyville.twlight sparkle screams " SPIKE IS DEAD NOOOOO" rarity says " he died without having sex with me noooooooooooooooooo". fluttershy interupts the whining and says " we should have a proper funeral".rainbow dash replies " great idea".applejack says " we can have it at my barn".pinkie says " your going to clean it right ?".back at the wreckage spike made very good distance and made it to las pegasus.after getting patched up he speaks with his dealer." i have shocking news i have no weed " spike replies " what are you serious this is bullshit". the dealer says " easy holmes by ponyville theres an abandoned factory they are mass producing weed go over there you get all the weed you want i swear ill even give you transportation my smexy plane".spike says " now were talking"

A sad dragon indeed
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Spike's magical bong

A sad dragon indeed

NOTE: this may have grammer and/or spelling mistakes forgive me I am not good at it.

It was an average day in equestria and spike was just moping around in the library. twlight sparkle tried to cheer him up.
"Hey spike want to go somewhere with me and the others" said twlight. spike replied " no thanks I think ill stay here"
"Okay then ill be back in a few hours " said twlight. She leaves and closes the door to join the rest of the ponies. as spike gets
up and walks over to his cabinet. he opens it and it shows a bong and a small bag filled with weed. he starts preparing the bong, but then theres a knocking noise at the door. he opens it up to reveal the cutie mark crusaders. "hi spike" says
apple bloom. the others greet spike as well. "hey guys I need to do something important so can you please go" says spike.
sweetie bell repiles " okay " sighs" we will be on our way". they leave and spike has a grim he can finally smoke his weed.
he picks up his bong when he accidently drops the bong. it shatters all over the floor. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO " SCREAMS
spike. spike is so sad he goes to bed and drifts to sleep. hours later spike wakes up to all 6 of the ponies. they have returned
from shopping and twlight gives him a stern look. "spike is that shattered bong on the floor" she exclaims. spike replies " no i dropped a vase on the floor". twlight responds "spike marijuana is a very bad substance im very disspointed in you". she scoops up the mess. "spike if i catch you with anything drug related again i WILL send you to rehab and im sure you dont want to go there". spike pleads" no twlight please dont send me there a dragon like me will never fit with them". twilight replies " okay spike this is your first and last warning and im taking all of your marijuana". spike yells " WHAT WHY". twlight exclams " your not smoking anymore okay im leaving and i want this place cleaned when i return". twlight turns around and leaves the others follow but rarity stays and says to spike " oh spikie wiky how could you marijuana is a horrible thing to do i dont think i can talk to you for now " she leaves with some tears. "aww man " spike says.

no money no weed no spike
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Spike's magical bong

no money no weed no spike

As spike sees the ponies leave he gets mad and goes into his emergency fund to see that twlight locked it with a spell and a note saying " spike this is for your own good" HE SCREAMS" DAMN IT TO HELL COME ON I HAVENT SMOKED IN 5 DAYS THIS IS COMPLETE BULLCRAP". spike begins packing his belongings in a small suit case he then realizes he can get weed
the problem was this place was very very far and would require at least a 300 bit ticket from canterlot it self. "darn it where am i getting 300 bits in a day it isn possible". he stares at a suit rarity made him. it contained a green emerald encased in glass to prevent spike from eating it." i bet this is worth at least 400 bits thats more then enough money to buy the ticket to go to
Las Pegasus where i can get some high quailty weed". as spike shouts in joy he realized he no longer had a bong. "WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND A BONG" he then conviently sees a flyer that says come to the manehatten bong museum only 50 bits to enter." ive got it ill go to the museum place camera spikes everywhere( pun not intented) then sneak in and rob the best looking bong there" spike says. he then sighs" damn ill need at least 250 bits to do this though 50 for entrance,50 for cameras,100 for two way ticket and 50 for other nessesities" spike then notices that the museum flyer says that its next week. " thats enough time to rack up 250 bits ill need to find a job and get those bits then ill be having a new bong soon enough.
twlight returns later that day. "hey spike" she says. "hey twlight listen im sorry for smoking weed and im going to get a job so i can be resposible and i can go to a museum next week so i can learn" spike replies. "thats great spike im so proud of you im going to ask pinkie pie to have a small party for your plans. twlight says. spike then asks twlight " hey twlight is there a way you can lend me some bits to get started and maybe a place to work so i can go by next week" twlight responds " well your little emegency fund has 2500 bits i can give you 100 to start out and you can earn the other 150" spike says "sounds great twlight im going to sleep so good night".later that evening spike wakes up and takes his 100 bits and leaves.he goes to pony depot to buy some suppiles. spike decides to ask the stallion where to purchase camera spikes. " so uh where can i buy camera spikes mr" the stallion repiles " oh right over here and theres some great sneaking equipment here too".spike purchases the camera spikes and leaves. he then goes over to derpies house. derpy opens the door and says " heeeeellll" spikes interupts "hi derpy i need to stash these items so i have no time to talk" afterwards spike leaves and returns home for a well rested nap.

no weed no problem !
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Spike's magical bong

no weed no problem !

Spike starts the plane engine and begins to fly he screams of joy.meanwhile applejack speaks with pinkie pie. pinkie pie says " we need balloons for the funerals oh and strippers spike loves strippers".applejack replies " spike is dead he isn going to enjoy it so no need to put strippers in the funeral".meanwhile spike lands the plane.spike says " so you have weed right ?". the stallion " oh course look how many pounds we are loading into your plane okay soon my friend you will what you want you will finally get high again".spike says "okay good i need a good pot session". as spike talks business with the man some royal pegasus guards arrive at the scene with some automated blasters.they start shooting as soon as they finish loading the final pound of weed. theres guns going off everywhere.and spike is taking cover while he tries to get on the plane.meanwhile at the funeral pinkie pie starts " spike was really funny and ill miss him", then rainbow dash " he was pretty cool he died too early though its a shame", then fluttershy " poor spike never smoked weed with me", applejack " spike was the first good dragon i ever met', rarity" he was very kind and sweet with me hed al...." meanwhile spike continues to slaughter the royal guards he finally gets a breakthrough and gets on the plane he starts the plane and takes off but not before getting the engines shot.the engines ignite 70 % of the weed on the plane and weed fumes floar down to ponyville a little bit went to canterlot. his plane was falling.meanwhile twlight finishes her speach they sees the plane it crashs and releases a giant cloud of fumes.spike wakes up serveral hours later to find that the entire town of ponyville is taking turns smoking his bong. he gets up and says " hey gimmie back my bong i stole it fair and square now give it back". a very high mayor replies " no this bong is for everybody". a pony touches an apple she explodes into a million gutty pieces and everypony around her is covered in blood. spike screams" HOLY SHIT NIPPLES ". he grabs the pony and looks for his friends. as he runs he stares at the bong and notices he has weed in his pocket.he thinks that if he smokes he can think better so he prepares the bong and he lights it. he uses the bong. he stares up and says " nice".