Chapters Beginnings
Whiteness.
"I am your only being of your existence that wants you here."
A star.
A moon with a picture.
A planet.
A castle in ruins.
An entire city covered in darkness.
"The entire reason of why you live today."
Another bigger castle, left to rot away from destruction.
A pegasi being thrown away.
An alicorn, flees in disbelief, refusal.
"They are nothing. You are something. Special."
Another alicorn, defeated.
A star.
A moon without a picture.
"My only point in my life that has a true meaning."
A unicorn, falls to the side, losing.
A stallion, a different unicorn, stares at another smaller pony, smiling devilishly.
"Please don't ever leave me. Please. It's all I want."
A flash of lightning hit a tree somewhere outside, making a big cackle noise. The sudden impact and noise startled me awake. I was gasping and breathing roughly for ever, need to regain my senses. My heart beating as fast as a speeding train. I already turned towards the bedroom window, seeing the dark grey clouds, the rain dripping onto the sorrowful ground, the sky unsettled. Rain was already shooting my window as I pulled back the curtains. I sighed in distain as I laid back into my bed, remembering the events of my past, and the possible future. I don't think I'm going to go back to sleep at this point. The third time I was awoken during the night. I can't get the thought off of me. I could just get up now, but how would that help me. To get ready for my day? I guess it's better than nothing. I removed the covers from over my body as I stood up, walking towards my small bathroom, containing only a toilet, a sink, and a small bath.
I can't even feel my own head as I slump into the next room. My hooves feel limp, as if I'm really weak, not powerful in any way possible. Because that helps my esteem. I sighed deeply. At this point I would get into my usual routine; clean, eat, sleep, repeat. A very simple routine that I haven't changed… ever. I finally reached my sink, barely containing myself as I nearly fell off my two hooves. I feel really weak for some reason. I need to wake up.
I plugged the drain so that cold water can fill up the sink. As it reached the top, I stopped the running water, as I then dunked my head into the body of icy water. As I dug my hooves inside, a gigantic tsunami of frost came upon my face. Nothing different happened. I didn't even feel more alert, just the same as when I woke up. Still weak. Should I care that nothing happened? Maybe not, don't think it will help anything. I finished about a few moments later. I rubbed my wet face as the water drained down the sink. The sound gave me a shiver of some sorts. It could be cold for all I know.
Should I look up at my reflection? Like many things, I just don't know. I'm hesitant. I don't want to see that face again, but I need to deal with him. Even if there isn't anything to like. Silence engulfed the household, along with the darkness of the rooms and the light from the window. Can I ever like the image that is presented before me? This stallion. What are you supposed to see in this stallion? Love? I doubt that. Nothing special was shown, nothing immediate came to mind that was positive. Maybe negative. Nothing stood out in any way, shape or form. No horn. No wings. A simple and plain stallion, that is useless. That he is nothing. Is there anything special that can come about from this pony?
Maybe it's about the appearance of the coat, and not about the horn or the wings. Well, is there anything special about that either? Maybe the mane that he had. Yes! That certainly could be a good thing. Mustn't it be? No, it wasn't. That mane he had didn't look special, only the mane that hangs over his eyes or towards the side, the colour of an apple that isn't the more notable one. The mane wasn't even combed or brushed often, or at all. The black and grey accents that came along with the mane, did it look stupid? Maybe. It wasn't simple though maybe, but how was that special, to have a small design in that messy mane? It was a cluster of multiple colours, a green was present, for sure. A green mane... Seems like any regular colour, really.
Okay, maybe not the mane. Maybe the mane isn't special. Oh! How about the coat? Maybe the eyes? Certainly, it must be good in some way! No. No, no, no. It isn't. A light grey coat. There could be some green chucked in there, wouldn't make a difference. How is that even special? It isn't. It's not even a colour. Grey wasn't even a colour. Maybe if it was a light green, it would make more sense. Maybe even any other kind of green. Other ponies have colours. Does that make him special? Not in the slightest. And no, not the eyes. The eyes were just coloured green, a dark green. How is that even special? It wasn't. Not even the colour of his coat. How are eyes special? They could be beautiful. How does that even help? Eyes could, no are, deceiving. Not special.
Nothing special to offer, in no way, shape or form. It wasn't comforting to think that. It didn't help that I am that stallion in the glass mirror, seeing the depressed look on his face, the small but noticeable bags under his eyes. It all made sense, though. Regardless of all the looks, you couldn't tell what he was thinking. That his thoughts were important. That his thoughts had some important significance to the world. I mean… just look at him. Look at him! You can't tell much from his expressions. Do you think that he can remember when he has been happy? Or that he has ever been happy? The truth is, he can't even remember. Is it even important that he does in the first place? If he had ever been happy in his life, to feel true happiness… Would anypony care for the slightest? Why would they in the first place? Their… All ponies are selfish. They wouldn't care for another, and if they did, they wouldn't for somepony that is deemed 'unworthy', to have... that feeling. That one and only… feeling. Do you ever see another pony go out of harm's way to help another? You must be hallucinating if you have. I haven't. Never. They could in novels, in stories by authors. But they are all 'fiction'. Not real. Imagination. Fiction stories could be interesting, but they aren't true to their words. Well, at least to no decent pony that I've ever met. That's the truth. Ponies only care for themselves, for their own personal gain, for their own benefit.
I don't like the portrait that I saw. I could only keep staring at this strange pony that was on display, to himself. Blathering nonsense, words that won't ever be heard. A voice that will be blown away by time. A name that would be ripped out of a book of history. Non-existent. Hell, I could feel annoyed by his own presence. If it weren't that he was my own. The soundless droning of his own mind, talking to himself, is the only voice that could matter to him right now. And maybe forever. I never get an answer when I ask why. I could break the world record of being the worlds, or at the very least Equestria's, loneliness pony.
I just… I need to look away from that face. I feel guilty for even doing so. I didn't know how much unintentional damaged that I caused between both of us. I don't want to see him anymore. There was nothing special about a hornless, wingless, stallion that was so plain and boring you make a scandal involving him with something bad and he'd still won't get noticed. I'm now staring at the floor, gloomily. I feel weak again. I guess me zoning out myself to a mirror does things to you. But… now that I'm focused again, it just won't go away. The fire that burns my internal organs for years, a giant flame that can't ever be doused by nopony. I just want to get rid of it, hoping it will disappear. It probably won't ever will. The flame, much like the early stages of an empire, will keep expanding and expanding and expanding. Forever and ever.
Maybe taking a shower could help. Maybe now, at this very moment, it could douse the flame burning me up inside. I do not believe those words for a nanosecond. But I guess it could help. Oh, am I trying to kid somepony? No, it won't. Not at all I just feel a bit messy at the moment. Hopefully it could drain away some of the 'problems' that I have. I stepped into the shower, slowly after my forelegs refused to move for even the smallest of moments. I eventually turned on the taps, as water then flowed through the air, hitting my coat in the process, as I made barely any movement. The thought of cleaning myself was tiring. The thoughts of me then stepping out made me tired, even more so.
I can't stay in here forever, even if there isn't anything else to do. I just want to sit in this shower, letting the water run through my fur, as I'd contemplate myself over my existence. I felt some calm feeling, but it was almost unnoticeable. I couldn't stay in and have my entire body get pruned up. Not that it mattered, anyways. The water ceased only moments later, as I tried to stop talking to myself. In one of my best efforts, I shook myself as dry as I possibly could. It was hard without a towel, where I never received one when moving in. I also never bought one. I just couldn't go… out. I moved out of the room, my legs still shaking a little, attempting to ignore the mirror as I walked past. I didn't want to see myself in all of my loneliness. Then I stopped in the doorway, and turned my head back at the mirror. Getting one last look for a few seconds. And for at least the rest of the day, never again.
I feel more cooled down than before, and felt some strength coming back into my legs, but that was about it. How was all that supposed to make me happy in some way? It wasn't supposed to, I guess. I looked at my entire body, even my mane which was still now messy even after I had washed, before glancing toward my mark. My own mark… Ponies are supposed to be proud of their own mark, it shows who they are, and what they could and have accomplished. I take the time to always wonder about mine. I can't comprehend it either. What is my own mark supposed to be? What does it supposed to represent? My mark is a multiplication sign. A white multiplication sign. It doesn't mean anything logically. What is so special about this mark? A multiplication sign as my mark? I guess it doesn't matter, as ponies would often laugh at me for my sign, making no sense to them. That's my take on the matter. Laugh at my lack of a social life, my self-esteem, and my insecurities. Where's the talent that is being shown. Maybe it's showing me as a Mathematician. I'm no good at maths. If anything, I'm average. How's that my talent?
Does it mean I'm good at multiple things? I'm not good at anything, at all. Maybe I'm terrible at multiple things...
The sound and the thunder that flashed through my window occasionally, and the patters of the rain hitting the soft grass outside continued, as I listened to it. It was a beautiful sound to hear, for sure. It was a soothing sound, until the thunder then ruins after some time. I just had to ignore it. Making my bed would be a place to start. I'm only going to sleep in it anyways later. What's the point? I motioned my hooves against the windowsill, taking a look outside. It was somewhat dark and grey, the ground was wet and muddy, and looked like a day where I wouldn't go outside. Wasn't planning on to in the first place. And complaining about the current scenery wouldn't help matters alongside with that. Now that I think about it, what am I supposed to do now? It's about six or seven in the morning, I don't have a clock, and I don't feel like sleeping at the moment, which was a new thing. That's what I would usually do, sleep all day, with the curtain closed, as darkness would engulf the bedroom. Actually, it isn't a bad idea. Staring at empty streets of this new town that I call… 'Home'… is boring. Although, what isn't.
Nothing was interestingly captivating in the slightest. I plopped myself back onto my bed, my head resting against a lone pillow, as I pulled the covers back over me, feeling some heat once more. I turn myself to the side before I tried to sleep, looking outside the window again, as rain runs down the glass, as clouds become a darker colour while lightning flashed in the distance.
A star, floats in the middle of space, by itself.
A lone moon, circles around a planet.
A run-down town, still active.
A school. Three ponies, together.
"Come on, runt. Get up!" A giant earth pony, the coat of the colour burgundy, grinned with dark intentions.
"Yeah, why don't you come and * play*!" Another responded, a dark red unicorn spoke with malice.
"Oh, no… Ow! Please…" The poor colt whimpered, being tortured by the giants in front of him. He begged, and begged, and begged, for all of this to be over. That the pain that he received could stop.
"Oh, come on wimp!" The burgundy-coloured earth pony just wasn't pleased yet, he wanted more.
"Yeah, why stop now?" The unicorn agreed. He kept beating into him, getting what seemed to him, his revenge.
"What- The weaker colt could barely finish his sentence as a punch to his jaw shut him up. He couldn't stop the containing tears as they now flew freely down his bruised face. His voice cracked in the process. "Please…" He wanted to finish, he wanted mercy, he wanted reason, but he couldn't. One more punch to his face…
Bah! "No! Please don't beat me up! Please stop! Please stop. Please…"
I couldn't stop the tears, as I awoke from my nightmare, again. Why does this always happen to me? Why did they…? Why… I sobbed to myself, cowering in my sheets, for who knows how long. I just wish the memories could disappear forever. But I know that won't ever happen. Please, somepony make them go away… Please… I beg of you… Please. It's all I want. Make it go away…
I cried for half an hour. It took that long to recover from that nightmare. It seemed pathetic. The fourth time during the night, in this case the morning as well. This time, it was the longest to get over. I had so many questions. Why did those ponies treat me like that? Like I'm just nothing? Why? Why couldn't they just be peaceful? Be reasonable? I was panting when I awoke terribly, curled up inside and out, under some warmth of the blankets of my bed. Those memories… They always resurface, one way or another. They cause be pain. Miserable, unworthy pain. That just won't go away. I wish they could. I wish something could get rid of them. But… I know the undeniable truth. They won't ever go away. They will keep coming back. And I can't stop it.
I've settled down more so now. I'm still panting a little, but… walk it off. I need to clear my mind. I walk down the stairs from the first floor, reaching the bottom. The house was small, but better than nothing. Walking past the guitar with several broken strings lying on the ground, completely unusable. The keyboard as well, dust and all, broken alongside, just sitting there, staring at me. Like he is calling me. It wants me to play. How? I can't. Even if it does work. I… there would be no point in the first place. What music could I play? A classic? No. I just can't. Same with the guitar, they both are just… staring at me. What do you want?
I abruptly turn away from them, ignoring their existence now. I'd rather prefer the boring stallion in the mirror now. I was in my kitchen now. Sitting on a chair, slumping myself over the table. Lack of anything to do. Deep to myself, in my own world… of glum and despair. Staring outside the window, seeing some brightness now being shined on the ground. The rain stopping some time ago, the lightning disappearing. It seemed like pegasi were moving the clouds, away so that no rain can come, now. Didn't change the mood really. Their bright faces, smiling in some joy, talking amongst one another, during this 'delightful' morning. It was anything but delightful.
What could I do? There are a few things. I could go back to sleep, and… No, it's out of the question now. I could draw and write. There's a pencil here, and a few pieces of paper. What good would come of that, anyways? What could I draw? Myself, sobbing in my bed from a bad memory? Ponies being happy in the background, chatting away, while myself, just watched from through the window? A self-portrait? That last one… isn't bad. But not a good idea still. And probably a waste of time, too. Maybe, I could walk outside.
And accomplish what? Walking through the town, seeing ponies being happier than me? To hear the ponies, talking. Looking at me, judging me, my face, my mark, and my mane. Everything that makes me so? Even the thought of all this made be lower into even worse depths. Reminding me of my past. Nothing helped. No choice would at least try to make me happier. Would it be better than nothing? Who knows…? I guess there could be a way to find out. But, being in my own slumber isn't worse, either. Oh, what do I do?
For better or worse, I'm assuming worse, I grabbed the pencil nearby with my mouth, planted my hooves on both sides of the paper, and just stared for moments on end. The silence came back, laughing at me. The sound of few water droplets splashing on the ground, the faint whisper of chatter by ponies. The only thing that I could focus on. I, what was I supposed to draw? I just started with a few lines, making an unnoticeable outline of something. The lines eventually connected. I realized how stupid this was, that others would only be bored my drawing something, observing my behaviour. They would laugh as well. Probably. Most likely possible. So I stopped, leaving an incomplete drawing. What could you make out of that? A bunch of scraggly lines, which have no context towards them.
I stood up from my chair, dropping the pencil onto the paper, before moving out of the kitchen in resignation. There was just no point to it all. What else could I do? Makes breakfast? I don't feel hungry right now. Exercise? What for? Am I going to run away again? No, no. I walk by the empty photo frames, containing nothing but a brown outline, with a string attached to it, hanging from a nail. All few of them. Just, staring at me. I stared at them back. Hesitantly I look away from them and keep moving, away from loneliness, unaffected.
I was getting irritated of being unable to make a choice. To do nothing for this long. I don't care for the choice, but… I need to make one. I walked into the front room, where it connects to the stairs going up and the kitchen doorway, along with two closets containing nothing but the cobwebs that the spiders reside in. Maybe I could clean them out. With what? I don't exactly have cleaning tools. It didn't come with the house. I haven't bought any yet. Maybe I should. But, that requires… going outside. Another reason to do so. I sighed. Either in defeat or frustration, I really didn't know. Perhaps both. Maybe in scare. Whatever it was, I knew I was going to, for one reason or another.
I walked in front of the door, staring at the knob. Do I want to do this? What does my body say? My head, says no. My mind, says no. My hooves, say no. My heart even doesn't want to. Then what does? When did I received this urgency to go outside? It will all be for nothing. There's no justifiable reason. But I need to do it. My hoof was placed on the knob, as I stared fearfully at it. I then half-turned it, before… Ugh! This is frustrating. Why can't I just go outside? Why do I refuse myself? Ugh… I guess I'll never know for sure. Well, maybe I do really. I was now lying against the door, with my hooves in my face, feeling some guilt. That I couldn't open a simple door. It was that hard, surprisingly. I guess it's better to stay-
"Hello?" A high-pitched and cheery voiced, out of nowhere, asked from behind me, knocking on the door and interrupting my thoughts. W-What? Why is there a pony- Why is there a visitor, first of all? Why would anypony want to visit me anyways? There was no reason. I don't know anypony. And anypony wouldn't take their time to know me. I'm… "Hello? Is anypony there?" She asked again, as I had another choice presented in front of me. Do I answer the door? What would be the point of that if she is acting something, something for much bigger…? I'm very hesitant and, maybe even scared, if I answer that door. "Hello?" She asks again, louder and longer this time. Maybe I should wait until she leaves. That would probably be a better choice to make. But this time, my heart told me to answer the door. I'm really torn. She might just insult me later if she ever finds that I live here, maybe. But…
"Hi!" She beamed, excited, bouncing up and down from one spot over and over. This… she didn't seem hostile. Yet. Why was she so excited? So happy? So, full of life… "Hello mister!" That's… new. "My name's Pinkamena Diane Pie! But just call me Pinkie Pie! I'm your new friend! Your new best friend! I want to throw you a 'Welcoming' party! For coming to Ponyville! I would have asked you a few days ago, when you first moved in. But I was busy with my cupcake business! So many customers that day. Anyways, I never could find you, but here we are! So I thought that we can have a party together, and become friends! We can laugh, play games, smile together with others, isn't that all fun? All wonderful?! Tell me, it's wonderful! Come on! It's super-duper fun to have a party! Dedicated all to you!"
My mind hurts, and I feel bad and guilty. Mainly, confused. Why… Why does she want to throw a party for me? No one ever has before. This… feels like a trap. Even so, I can't make a friend. I can't ever have a best friend. Never. It's been way too late for all that. I can't start now. Nothing good will come of it. Never has. There's… this pony is crazy. She just suddenly assumes that I'm her best friend. "No." She can't. "I'm not interested." I put it bluntly. I hope she can go away, and leave me be…
"What?" She seemed to be taken aback by my answer. "Why? Why don't you want to have a party?" Why do you care if I have one or not? "You… don't want to be my friend?" She asked, sounding sad. Is she trying to make me feel guilty?
"Again, I'm not interested." I answer, hesitantly. I don't think this will be over anytime soon.
"B-But…" She was speechless. "You seem lonely. I haven't seen any other pony but you come around this house." Thanks for reminding me… "I haven't seen you walking around town sine you first came here. Don't you have any friends?" No… "Don't you want friends?" I don't know… Do I? No, it's too late… "I want to be your friend. I'm more than willing to be your friend!" She started to beam up again. "Everypony deserves a friend!" I don't think that's true, not in the slightest… "I'm friends with everypony here in Ponyville! I am a friend!" With everypony? In this town? I don't believe that. Even if it was true. Even if she does speak the truth, that she is a good 'friend'…
"Look, I'm not the social type of pony, and I plan to keep it that way. It's one of the only things that is working for me right now." She would probably betray me, along with all her other 'friends', would hurt me in some way.
It looked like she wouldn't accept that as an answer. "What? Why? Just come to a party! With me! I promise that you'll want me as a friend when you do!" I don't believe that lie. The line, sounds familiar actually. To a bad memory…
"I'm sorry," I start off, looking for the right words. I feel somewhat bad for doing this, but why should I take the word of a complete stranger? "But it's too late for that." I mutter more to myself than her, as I then pull back and start to close the door.
"Too late? It's never too late- I cut her off before she could finish her sentence, shutting the door in her face. Yes, it is too late to make a friend. In my life. Why would she even want to be my friend? I'm not worth it. I'm not special in anyway. She may be the only one to ask me… Though she will betray me in the future. It will happen. I heard her mumble something, before hearing her walk off somewhere else. I poke my head to see outside the window, where she was walking over a cliff, before disappearing. She's gone. I feel somewhat guilty, that I rudely ended the conversation there, but… Why did I do that?
I sighed and shivered lightly, allowing myself to walk on to get food and return to my boring and dull lifestyle. I always wanted to be that pony, the one who could handle social interaction perfectly, to have and return hugs to another, to have a… friend. Loving friends, and a marefriend. Things that are just too late to have… and unlikely to occur in the future. It's just… too late. Too many bad things… to have to get a true friend. Something which I don't believe, to have a true friend. Is there such a thing? I doubt it. I lost the feeling to trust another. I can't ever trust another pony, no matter who they are. I've never met the Princess either, so I wouldn't know. Frankly, I can't trust anypony at all. Never again. I don't want another betrayal at this new place. Hopefully, it won't be the same as the others. I've seen all of it, over the years. Ponies may come off as being the nicest kind, acting friendly at first, being nice to you and all the sort. Then they turn on you, it becomes an illusion. Once they get what they want, material possessions, mental satisfaction, any kind of benefit towards them, they'll turn on you…
That's just the way it is… And I just can't change. No… matter what…
It's been a few hours since that pony that called herself 'Pinkie Pie' the pink coated pony with the fluffy mane and tail, knocked on my door, wanting to be my 'friend'. Another act. She was a good one, though. Never seen it so genuine before. I wonder how she would turn on me, but I don't want to find out. I've been sitting or lying on my bed during all that time, in thought, feeling drowsy, eating breakfast…
I had to go out there… The first time didn't count. You didn't even leave the property, a pony knocked on your door. I made my way to the front door, staring at the knob again.
After forcefully mentally pushing my hoof down, I finally felt it touch the handle again, physically. I froze upon impact, should I really go out there? I… I quickly open the door as swift as possible. My head was turned to the side and my eyes closed flinchingly. Nothing attacked me. A bright light from the sun instead came into my vision, blurring it. Once it became clearer, I felt no harm from the sunlight that shun itself in front of me. What was I expecting? I gently turned my head back forward and slowly lifted it up towards the sky, seeing the mostly clear sky, the blue background. I'm gazing at the sky, at the sunlight. Why? I can't help it for some reason. I'd be brought back down again somehow. Was there any point to that?
I looked around my surroundings, seeing other homes, observing the other ponies, unicorns, pegasi and earth alike. All chatting to one another. All laughing, smiling, and being happy in another's presence. I even hear some assertive speaker in the distance. In what way can I describe walking through the town was a gigantic chore for me, or just a pain, or both. Just going out and trying to make myself believe no one was staring at me, was terrifyingly unlikely to happen. It is one of the main reasons of why I really never went out. One of them. I wouldn't know if that is happening right now. As they could be staring at me, discussing me behind my back… I need to take a walk. I may need my saddlebag first.
I went into the living room to retrieve my saddlebag, along with the bits to buy more food, feeling hungry at the moment. Thinking about it, including food to stuff into the fridge, which was mostly empty. On the table with my saddlebag, I first turned my attention to the huge sack of bits... Where did this come from? This wasn't here before. I guess it was a present…? Well, let's look inside then… I wasn't rich, but it was enough to keep me going by without getting a job, for about two months. Where am I going to get a job, anyways? My fears is not going to be cured, not that they ever will, so… I'll… I don't know what to do. But, there's no reason to worry about it now. Of course, I only used those bits on stuff I really needed right now… food. I pulled out around twenty bits and placed them in my bag. After, I strapped it on and headed out to the front door again.
Just…try to ignore everypony…don't even look at them…just keep walking. I hate it when others stare at me. But what could I do? Nothing. Ponies will continue no matter what. I don't know why I have to… I just do… When ponies stare at me…it just feels like…like they're laughing at me, they probably are. Behind their back or hiding it behind their faces, or to their own friends that I don't know. I can't stand the thought of that… Yet that's the life I know. I couldn't complain, though. Complaining doesn't do anything. All it does is that it just wastes your time.
It's only been about half an hour, and the walk was terrifying enough. Every pony I passed looked at me in one way or another. Probably laughing at me when I was out of view. Wouldn't be surprised. What could I do about it? This walk was… kinda boring, aside from being frightened by anypony that could potentially hurt me. But nopony walked up to me, not even saying hi. Like they were busy with something more important. Or that something was going on. Not even a word. I sighed. I just looked to the ground when I walked, feeling shame. Or guilt. Or both. I guess things can never change.
Then I accidentally bump into somepony when walking. Oh, no… I quickly look up to see who I've walked into quite stupidly, starting to panic as I jumped backwards. It was a white unicorn, who was wearing shades. She had dark blue and light blue in stripes as both her mane and tail, looking kinda messy as well as mine. She had a musical note as her cutie mark. She was also moving a big cart full of equipment of some kind. "Oh!" She made a noise, startling me.
"Oh, sorry." I quickly apologised, hoping the situation won't go horrific for me.
Thankfully it didn't. "Oh, no problems, man." She chuckled to herself. I sighed in relief. At least she wasn't bad. But, that doesn't mean I should just fully trust her because of this. I nodded as I then turned right and continue walking, but she stopped. "Hey, umm…" I froze in place. What does she want? "Sorry, but, erm… I'm new here. Wouldn't you mind if you could help me get to someplace?" Oh, great. Why do I have to be asked that kind of question? Why are you asking me? Well… what do I do? I don't want to be rude and brush her off and just ignore her, but… I don't want to leave a bad impression. Oh, jeez. Err… Choose quickly.
Hopefully this doesn't take long. I don't want to chatter to anypony right now, and become a slight hypocrite since talking to Pinkie Pie. "W-What do you need help with?" Real smooth there, idiot. I think turning back now wouldn't be a bad plan.
"Only all of this stuff." She motioned to the big cart, where now that I get a better look, has some amplifiers, electric keyboards, wires, even a DJ system. Is she a mechanic or something? Or a DJ, better yet? I guess that would make sense. How heavy is all that? And she wants me to pull it? I don't even know her. I don't see any point, other than I accidentally walked into her. Come up with something, quick! I couldn't, though. She must have seen my expression. "It will only take a few minutes." Doesn't help, really miss. I really don't want to. But, I'm going to feel bad that I don't…
"…erm, yeah, sure." I regretfully answered, still looking down at the ground.
"Oh, good." She sighed as she stepped away from the cart. I grabbed the handle with one of my hooves and started pulling, following where Vinyl was walking. I'm in fear that something bad will happen. Something always does. She will turn nasty on me at any moment. I just know it. I can't be her friend. I can't ever trust… anypony. "Hello? I asked a question." I was in some thought there. I shook my head at the sudden words, before looking down at the ground again.
"Sorry. You said something?" Hoping to get this awkward conversation behind us that was inevitable, I think trying to converse would be the way to go. If I knew how. And if I wanted to, that is.
"Yeah, how are you goin'?" She asked with a smile. I didn't want to answer that question. I started to panic again. Calm yourself, down.
"Erm…" Don't stutter. Think of something. "Yeah, I'm good." I lied. I don't want anypony to know what my feelings are. You get the point already… myself.
"Well, alright." She seemed taken aback by that. I guess she doesn't know that I'm the non-social type of pony. It will be over soon, anyways. And then the awkward silence ensued, as we walked for what seemed like an hour, over to wherever her place was. This cart wasn't that heavy, actually. Was she tired from something? You couldn't tell due to the fact that she was wearing shades that covered her eyes.
The silence lasted for some time, or at least it felt like it. I did not want to be here. Don't know how many times I'm going to repeat that phrase. "So," She started, breaking the uncomfortable situation we had faced, and still doing so. She looked up to the sky, seeing how it has cleared after the pegasi moved them out of the way, probably near Evertree. That place is reported to be deadly. As if they knew the definition. She sighed, as if I'd done something wrong. "Are you okay?"
That took me by surprise. Why would she care about my feelings? That if I'm okay. The truth is I'm not. I don't think I ever will be. I guess lying is better than the telling the truth. Only more problems will arise by telling the truth. "Yeah…" I answered quietly. Ugh… I always seem to feel bad when I lie, that something bad will occur. I… Yeah.
"Oh, okay…" Some first impression. At least the two ponies that I've first met in this town haven't acted badly. Yet. I guess she wanted to continue, but we were walking near some sort of hedge maze by this point, and saw a crowd, surrounding a stage, with fireworks display going on. Then a figure appeared, who proceeded to chant something to the crowd. "Hey, do you know what's going on?" She asks, confused as I am.
"No." I say, as we both approached the crowd, who seemed to stomp their hooves after what the figure would say. Okay… As we came closer to the maze, the figure on the stage was… a Minotaur. Huh. I've never seen one before in my life. I'm not really excited that I am seeing one. Though the thought that one are in Equestria… Why? Oh damn. I notice Pinkie Pie was at the back of the crowd, near us. Now I'm in fear of her seeing me. I could try and hide behind the cart, but the mare beside me will feel weird and confused by it. So it's a lose-lose situation. Another one. Can't they ever just go away, these situations?
"Stomp if you wanna pay nothing for this seminar!" The Minotaur yelled out to the crowd, in an assertive tone, that also felt intimating. The ponies stomped and cheered from what he had said, which slowly turned into a state of general confusion, before laughing at what I presume is the statement. That's weird. Wait, what seminar is he referring to?
The Minotaur didn't like the laughter that was made, as he made a stern look towards the front of the crowd, shutting them up. I don't want to mess with him anytime soon. "That's no joke, friends." That is a really deep voice. "Iron Will is so confident that you will be one hundred percent satisfied with Iron Will's assertiveness techniques," He's referring himself in third pony. He… ponies seem to think they are better if they refer themselves like that. And one happened to show up here. "That if you are not one hundred percent satisfied, you. Pay. Nothing." Is this an assertiveness campaign? I don't want to be here if he notices me… "But I pity the fool who doubts Iron Will's methods! You don't doubt me, do you?" He went up to the faces of a few ponies in the front row.
"Uh-uh, no sir..." A brown stallion with a light orange mane replied in a worried state, sweat dripping from his head. I guess I would do that to. Sighs…
"That, my friends, is your first lesson. 'Don't be shy; look 'em in the eye.'" I get the feeling that he is a bully. Ponies seem to be in a general agreement from that statement, not the one in my thoughts, as they chatter amongst themselves. I notice that a yellow pegasi with a pink mane was looking as nervous as I was, and she was hanging next to Pinkie. Is she a friend of hers? I now notice that there is a hedge cut to be the statue of this 'Iron Will'. Egotists…
"Now, to demonstrate that Iron Will's techniques will work for anypony, I'm gonna need a volunteer." Oh, no. Not me. Please don't pick me. I hope he doesn't. I'm panicking again. I need to leave before he even sees me. Well, before a goat security guard picks one. Wait, everypony has their hooves up. Then a goat comes near me, and starts pointing in my direction. Oh no…
"You in the back row!" He yells, pointing towards me. Oh geez, I need to get out of here, but I couldn't. Oh no… Everypony was moving out of the way, so that they could get a better look of me. Oh jeez… Oh jeez…
"W-Who, me?" I hesitantly ask, with uncertainty and mainly fear. Please, not me. Don't pick me…
"No, you're too easy." …too easy? "The yellow pegasi!" It doesn't matter. Thankfully, he didn't pick me, as I sighed in relief, but noticing that Pinkie was looking at me. I flinched and looked away from her gaze, in guilt. But, how am I too easy?
"Who, me?" The pegasi asked, fearfully as well. Now she is in my hooves. She is probably scared out of her mind, knowing that voice, which seemed like an innocent one.
"Yes, you! Iron Will wants you onstage!" I can relax now, at least I wasn't the center of attention. Instead, it was nearby me. The eyes that some were placed on me for a split second, was enough to get me nervous.
She gulped in fear. "Uh, well..." She stuttered, very quietly that I just managed to hear.
"Now!" He interrupted, being impatient. I would never face anypony in that mood. Not even if you dared me to. Not that anypony ever will…
"Okay." She responded in a small whisper, her whole body shaking. She must be really shy. I wouldn't even talk that softly. Would I? I don't know.
She started to make her way down the middle of the crowd, when one of the goat security guards moved in the way, rather rudely. She fell backwards, making a few ponies chuckle. "Whoa! He's blocking your path. What are you gonna do about it?"
"Um, politely walk around him?" She suggested in a really quiet voice.
"No." He responded, unsatisfied.
"Gingerly tip-toe around him?" She tried again, not getting his idea.
"No!" He started to get frustrated again.
"Go back home and try again tomorrow?" These weren't good excuses. Then again, I couldn't come up with any better.
"No! 'When somepony tries to block, show them that you rock!'" That doesn't make much sense to me. Also that was really loud that time.
"Oh! Sorry." She quickly apologized.
"Don't be sorry! Be assertive! 'Never apologize when you can criticize!'" He cleared his throat after his odd rhyme. "Why don't you watch where you're going!?" He yelled, making me flinch, even. The shy pony fell backwards, with more ponies laughing now. At her? "Now, you try."
"Hey, are you okay?" The unicorn beside me that I completely forget, asked after noticing by behavior, which was quite sudden.
"Yeah." I responded rather quickly as I glanced at her for a second from staring at the Minotaur. Why would she even care? She's going to turn on me anyways…
"Uh..." The pegasi stuttered, starting off. "Next time, get out of the way before... I bump into you, 'cause... I totally won't be sorry when I do!" That… was a sudden change of tone. I was kinda shocked. She may have seemed nice. Then again, why am I judging her from her good acting? She was probably paid off from the Minotaur so he could get tons of bits. Or whatever currency Minotaurs have.
I heard a faint 'cha-ching' sound, coming from somewhere near the stage. What does that mean? "You see my friends!? If my techniques can work for this shy, little pony, then they can work for anypony!" The crowd cheered at the end of his words, sounding impressed that a shy pony like that made such a remark like that. I didn't want to be here any longer, if he tries to pick me…
"Err, maybe we should go." I said quietly and nervously.
"Yeah…" The unicorn agreed, looking confused at the whole situation that just happened, probably, us walking on some 'seminar' where he made a pegasi act to be shy, only to turn nasty. Seen it before. Things don't change over time. No matter how long the time has been, they always seem to remain the same. I grabbed the handle of the cart as we started walking out of the hedge maze, being directed to her 'home', I guess. Pinkie Pie tried to grab my attention as we left, so I speed up faster so that the unicorn wouldn't notice. Thankfully, she was moved away from some other pony.
Awkward silence returned, as always. I kept staring at the ground as well moved along. Why am I even here? "Hey, wait up!" Some faint voice called for me. In my dust.
"Okay, we're here." She stopped at a house that was in the south of the town, where I haven't been before. I felt kinda tired from pulling that heavy cart for maybe an hour? Doesn't matter. I know that I've probably wasted my time. Then again, I had nothing else to do. I notice that ponies were actually smiling when they walked past me. They were probably aimed at the DJ with the shades. And… yeah, you get the point. I let go of the handle, as I took a breath. "Thanks, man. Appreciate it!" She held out a hoof. That's odd, they don't usually carry out this act for this long. Guess these ponies from around here like to take their time. That their… patient. And the hoof… Was I supposed to shake it, or bump it? I don't know. I'm kind of getting worried that if I get it wrong, she'd get the wrong idea or something. But then again, her tomboyish voice…
I decided to shake the hoof, softly. I'm not the strong type of pony. Even if I am an earth pony. I am just dull and plain. Although, I guess plain would have 'strong' as one of its credentials. She seemed confused that I even shook her hoof, getting a strange expression across her visible face. "Uh… Are you alright, man? You've been acting strange all day." Oh… Don't tell her. Lie. Get this over with.
"Y-Yeah. I'm fine." I had to look away from her gaze. Ponies don't need to know who I am. Even if they are new to this town. Like me. They are all nasty.
"You sure? You look like you don't want to be here." What? No… "Is there something that I did wrong?" The pressure… What…
"N-No!" That was too quick. Dammit. "No, there isn't anything wrong." I say, quieter than before.
She looked uncertain. That's not good. I start to back away, looking around for an escape. "Alright…" She said that with uncertainty. And narrowed eyes. Please don't push me further… "Also, name's Vinyl." She smiled, before stopping again. "What's your name?" She asked that question which I dreaded to hear. Was I willing to share my name to this pony?
"Um…" This isn't smooth, man. Think of an excuse. "Err, sorry. I need to be somewhere right now." I said that too quickly. Dammit. Okay, start backing off, and walk in some random direction.
She looked at me with narrowed eyes. "Okay…" She turned around, smiling at me, before walking inside her home, dragging that cart with her. "Is there something wrong with him…?" Oh, why did I have to hear that? Why… I guess all ponies are like that. Why she didn't insult me… I'll never know. "See ya!" She then waved off, as I was running away. I ignored everything she said from then on.
I got in a rush to get out of there. Those awkward moments of silence that I had with that mare… who wanted my help, after she was probably tired from moving that cart. Or just manipulated me into doing so, adding another things to by embarrassment. Sigh. I should have seen that coming. Why didn't I? Damn. They… always get me. Only usually, that have nerve to insult me after doing so, but I guess because she is new, she will try and use me as much as possible. I've stoped running now, and is just plainly walking, uninterested in anything at the moment.
Where am I even wondering now? Apparently to some autumn-looking forest. I can see a barn in the distance, in the middle of a giant apple forest. Apple farm, maybe? Who cares, anyways. Why should I? I'm walking towards this place for some reason now. I guess I'm hungry? I could buy a month's supply of apples from the looks of this place. Only to be ripped-off by the owners, here. Another sigh. I shook my head as I turned around, walking away from this place. I didn't see the point in walking here. How did I not notice the location of where I'm walking? Was I lost in some thought that… I now cannot remember? Damn, I hate my mind sometimes.
"Howdy!" Somepony spotted me. Oh geez. The voice had a southern-drawl to it, and was a mare's. I froze in place. Do I keep walking off, or turn around and greet this pony. Why would I even want to 'greet' anypony? That's stupid. They betray me, remember? Yeah, they do. Maybe this one could be different? Why would you think that, idiot? They are terrible ponies. The lot of them! How could you think that this mare, only this one, would be different? You're insane.
Do you want to try and make friends? Yes. Will they screw you over? Yeah. Give it up. "Hey! Where ya goin'?" She yelled out, as I made my way out of there. Please. Just leave me be… Don't hurt me. "Come back!"
That stupid walk was pointless. I slam the door and throw the saddlebag onto the table. In disgust. Why did I even go out there for? To be manipulated by another damn pony? What did I even get out of that? A walk where I to enjoy the scenery of ponies laughing and shaming be behind my back? Ugh. I'm slowly starting to hate this town, like the lot of em'. I…
It's becoming hard to breathe, all of a sudden. I collapse onto my knees, grasping at air. What's going on? Ow. Ow! Help. I can't breathe. Why is this happening?!
For a moment, then is suddenly stopped. It hurts. I pant in fear and sweat and confusion. My throat hurts. My eyes are teary. I'm panting for air… What just happened? How did I lose my ability to breathe? I don't have account of asthma, or at least I don't think. Then, everything is starting to black out. Oh no. Somepony… It looked like a false alarm. Nothing else happened. My vision just went black. I need fresh air. Staying in here after that... scenario won't help solve anything. Even if it meant going out to see other ponies stare at you. Just need air...
I sit on top of a bridge on the outskirts of town, hooves planted on my face, as I stare at the water in the streaming river below me. . I could even see the shining sun from the image in the water. That face that was once in a mirror, now slightly distorted in a reflection from water. That face that I didn't want to see again, but here he is. The pony that always follows me wherever I go. That simple, plain, uninteresting, face. Nothing special whatsoever about this pony in the water. Always follows.
I also notice that there are two mares sitting at the end of the bridge, talking amongst each other. Chatting away. Smiling faces. Laughter. Being happy in each other's company. Always constantly reminded of my loneliness. Things that I'll never have. I then look back at the reflection in the river. Nothing special about the coat, mane, or the eyes that are shown. Or the fact that he has no wings or horn. Useless.
"Hey!" A voice that one of the mares shouted. I turn my head slowly, not caring why that mare would shout, until I saw who she was shouting at. That shy pony from before. She had a aggressive look on her face. She didn't look too happy at the two mares sitting there, where I could see two spilt ice cream cones now laying on the dirt. Did... she just swiped them from their grasp? W-Why? Wasn't she the shy pony from before? She wasn't angry, or acting mean or anything. Was... she a bully? Was she really paid off? What am I saying, of course she was! "Get out of my way!" She pushed them both to the side, snarling at both of them, walking towards me. Am I supposed to run away from this 'bully' before she walks up to me. Maybe if I just stay to the side, she will ignore me. But that face at the bottom there, will not leave me. Jeez, I guess that reflection is better than the pegasi. Hopefully she won't target me. Why would she in the first place-
"Hey you!" She yelled from behind, making me jump backwards. I landed back first, feeling small pain from the landing. She startled me. "Why did you laugh at me before?" What? I didn't laugh at you.
"W-What?" I stuttered, being unable to keep any composure, frightened at this mare right in front of me. There was no way out of this situation. I couldn't get past her without running, but I was too... to r-run away.
"You laugh at me, I wrath at you !" She then punched, or shoved, me in the chest, sending me over the bridge, landing in the river. W-What? I'm terrified. Another bully. No. Please. Please stop this. Somepony. Please stop this. I can't move. I'm frozen in fear. I feel the small stream of the tide flowing past my coat. "Don't ever mess with the new Fluttershy! Got that!?" She roared as I couldn't move, quaking. They... they really are everywhere. I couldn't answer. I could only look away as I try to move any part of my body, which was paralysed. She growled before leaping over, standing over me. "Okay, fine! You're not going to answer me? Well, it's really pathetic of you to even get in my way!" My vision kept changing, having flashbacks at the same time she was speaking. "Don't ever mess with me!" A silhouette with a dark and grim background would change, that same blue pony that was always beating me. He appeared. Please. Why does he always come back. I just want this to stop... "Don't you know who I am!?" Please don't hurt me. "The New Fluttershy!" It went back to the present. She was then pulled off by two other ponies... Pinkie Pie, and another white unicorn that I haven't met. Pinkie was wide-eyed, shocked along with the unicorn. I guess I'm grateful that she's here. But why?
The 'New Fluttershy' didn't stop though, still attempting to leap at me as they pulled her away. She then spoke with even more venom than before. "You don't even know who you are." And there was the string that was broken in my frail, burning heart. Not even I know the definitive answer to that question, as I run away in tears, trying my hardest to not drip them. Why are there bullies everywhere?! I opened and slammed my door, locking it in the process. I pull the blinds from every window in this house, and run up in my bed, crying and sobbing on the lone pillow.
I... these ponies are everywhere. I can't ever escape them, can't I. They are always there. And always will be. Why. Why? Why!? Why are they always bucking there? That they somehow in someway managed to torment me in some fashion. That I'm locked in a cell, unable to escape. That I'm the one being tortured. Alone. Without any help from anypony. Alone. That they all turn on me, and they always will... It's just... I have to be the one that is tortured. What did I ever do in my life that was so bad to deserve this... pain?! I just don't know... And I don't want to think about it...
Actually, I know the answer to that question. The question, or rather the statement she made. I know what I am. I think I do. Alone. And that I will time and time again will be reminded of it, for every second that I live on this planet. Loneliness wasn't even my friend. He was always there, in the depths of the darkness, watching me. Following me like this pony was in the mirror, in the reflection, in the living flesh. Taunting me. Haunting me. Teasing me. Angering me. Like so many others have done in the past. But also, he has experienced it all with me as well. The pain. The fright. The agony. The despair. The sorrow. The anger. The depression. The fear. The confusion. One that always wraps it up in the end, just to start it all again. Always been there with me.
Ever since the beginning, when I could first remember. Seventeen years ago. Probably since the day I was born. All I've ever really wanted, loneliness, was peace. Could you ever give that to me? I'd very much like to see you try… Please… "It's all that I want… Please…"
It was now late in the day, six or seven. Hours after... what had happened. I could see the sun set from my bedroom window, the sight was one to behold. One that I've rarely seen. The old place, where I used to live, you couldn't get a decent view of the sunset, or the sun rise for the matter. Just buildings upon buildings, homes upon homes, never getting a good view of anything clear, considering all the places looked like slums, that haven't been refurbished in years. Or centuries. My head is lying against my left hoof, as I gaze my view of the sun lowering, the sky slowly getting darker. Probably the only good thing about this place. Undeniably outweighed by all the other negatives, rampant bullies, manipulative unicorns, arrogant and egoistical pegasi. Ones that I've see more often than not. Ones that are always there. Always. Ever since the beginning, they have been there.
And no one has ever loved me. Nopony ever. I've never had a mother. A father. A brother or a sister, younger or older. No family. I've never known them. As far as I know... No. No, I'm not talking about this to myself. I just the blinds to the window, and plop myself back in my bed, throwing the covers back over myself, as I then lay down against the soft lone pillow, darkness engulfing the room and the home. And as I try to sleep tonight, hoping for no more nightmares, but still getting them anyways, I still can't deny the major fact in my life of many.
I still live in fear and in pain. All I can do is just to deal with it.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You won't ever know how much I love you
Please Celestia, don't take my sunshine away
Blackness. Despair. Uncertainty.
A normal castle, guarded.
A castle being invaded, overrun.
Ponies fight against other beings.
An alicorn, laughs in victory.
Another alicorn, defeated, unconscious.
A defeat of a power.
A giant coloured shockwave, covering a planet.
A giant coloured beam.
A massive mechanical construct, floating in space.
A coloured explosion, increasing in size.
A planet, charred, in flames.
The deaths of many, devastation.
“…There were over ten thousand ponies alive here, the day before you arrived... How many are alive today, I wonder? How many will be alive tomorrow…?
“Get up… I want you to see what you’ve done… You can’t blame this on somepony else... Don’t blame me… you did this.”
I slam the door again, in resignation most likely, interrupting and telling the same pony over and over again to go away. Frustratingly, again. She just doesn’t listen. She won’t ever listen to me. Probably never. Will she ever? “She really is sorry!” They are all liars. The lot of them. Everypony. Why should this one be any different? “Why won’t you listen to me?” Why won’t you listen to me, really? You won’t, and probably never will. Actually, certainly never will. “She wants to apologize!” I don’t believe that. Too many bad things can come when I attempt to even visit her. Actually, this is some weak attempt to get me out of the house. Surprised she just hasn’t pulled me out of the doorway when I open it. Actually… Why do I open the door?
“Why doesn’t she come over here and bully me again?” I retort, snapping in the process, as I lean against the door at the hope that she won’t knock it down. Which I assume is illegal. “Go away.” I keep trying and it just fails. They are setting me up for something. They always are. What could it be this time?
“No!” Give up, mare. Please. “She is really sincere!” I doubt that with every small and puny fibre of my worthless being. I should never believe something along the lines of those words. And yet… no matter what I say… she will always come back. Won’t she? I can’t even get my words into her head. Not even one more time. No maybes.
“I just want to be left alone.” I spoke softly, in defeat and resignation. I want to be alone right now. I don’t… I walk away from the door, ignoring everything that she probably will say after that, walking upstairs towards by bed. I just… Can’t deal with this. This hyperactive mare wants to go over to a bully’s home so she can apologize to me. And once I step a hoof out that door, I may not end up coming back. Do I want to take that risk? I haven’t been outside since. Living in fear. Hearing laughter from outside by window, probably direct at me behind my back.
I just want to sleep now. Surprisingly, I haven’t had as much nightmares as I did before. There have been a lack of them. Except for this… I don’t know… Visions maybe? These images… Something about a moon. A planet. A castle. A… star. An explosion. And no explanation. No reason for me to even see these things. I’ve got some imagination. I… There’s no point in telling somepony, not that one would even listen, but a physiatrist might think that I’m insane. Crazy. Kind of like that pink mare with the oddly fluffy mane. And cheery attitude to things. And too invading-of-personal-space kind of pony. And too infuriating to listen to. Too ignorant to listen to what I have to say. Because nopony cares about my opinions. My perspective of things. My… feelings. If I have any, that is. Other than the ones that I usually feel, I mean. You get the point… yourself.
I throw the covers as I lay back in my bed, with the lone pillow, as the blinds are pulled across so that the window’s vision is blocked from the outside world, isolated. I just can’t help but think of the time that I’ve been here, and what’s happen in such a short time. I’ve made more enemies. More bullies. More ponies that hate me. It’s never on purpose, the things that I do that harm another pony. They are on accident. And I get viewed like I’m a serial killer. I don’t ever want to go out there again.
You remember the time, a few days after it all went down.
I’m really tempted to go outside right now. I haven’t been out since the incident. Three days. I’m starting to get hungry right now, and I’ve run out of food, no supply left. I guess I need to go outside, eventually. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to meet that pegasi, to see that pegasi ever again. Maybe alongside that pink mare. She hasn’t left me alone since then, knocking on my door for the past few days, trying to get me to come outside, to forgive that pegasi that bullied me. Treated me like trash. Why should I trust her? First, she wants to be my best friend like I can even have a single friend, and now wants me to go with this stupid proposition that seems really far-fetched. No. I’m refusing to. I fear that pegasi. Tartarus, I fear everypony. They are probably laughing at me now. I could be the talk of the town. Laughing at me, being beaten up by a mare. Always the same, and it never changes. I shouldn’t have any hope of it ever changing. Why should I? I don’t see any point to.
Then again, for some unknown reason the pink mare and another white unicorn mare who I haven’t seen yet pulled her away from me. Were they helping me? Why would they? There is no point in trying to help me with anything in my life… I guess I’m thankful that they held her back, which they may have stopped a serious beating of some sorts, but I can’t believe that there are bullies in this town. It had some sort of reputation of being peaceful. I guess it was all a lie. Luckily, she isn’t here right now, and I can’t see her in the distance anywhere. She usually comes around at this time. So far, there isn’t any sign of her, as I peak from the blinds of the window.
Is she stopping today? I doubt that, but she hasn’t shown up yet. There isn’t anything on today that I know of. Actually, she was the only one who, quote unquote ‘apologized’ for the recent actions. But that tone of voice that I heard from her didn’t sound so sincere. It sounded rushed. Like she needed to get somewhere. Well, now that I think about it, she probably stopped coming to my house after a few days, giving up on the whole situation, leaving me to starve in this homestead. See, they are all selfish.
I actually haven’t seen the reflection in the three days as well. I guess… well I don’t know what’s happened. Really, anypony that walks past my place seems to take one glance then just walk away. No other pony seems to care about the incident. I guess it wouldn’t be the talk of the town. Or, they’re secretly nasty when I don’t notice them. And I guess that they do notice me whenever I look out my windows. None of it matters, anyways. All I can hope is that nopony ever bothers me here, ever again. But we both know that this isn’t true, and never will be. So lying to yourself won’t help anything. Not that it ever has…
Okay, you’re going to face the world out there. It’ just you. Nopony else to bother you. This isn’t a bad idea. You will go to the barn/apple field outside of town. You need a food supply from somewhere. Go out. Nopony will bother you. Nopony will harm you. Nopony will bully you. You will not feel… pain…
You can’t… I can’t… It’s just too hard. The same thing will happen, or something similar will, I’m sure of it. I slump back onto my bed, as my stomach growls. What do I do? I need food. I need to stay alive. I’m not going to commit suicide by starvation. Okay… Whatever is out there is not as dangerous as not doing anything. You need food. I know that I do. I just… have to deal with it, I guess. Like always… things just never change.
I’m downstairs, throwing my saddlebag over my neck, with the amount of bits still there from before, nothing changed, as I made my way to the door, staring at the knob once more. That rhymed… I always seem to freeze whenever I stand in front of the door, like it’s about to lunge at me like a Timberwolf violently gnawing at its prey. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard about a Timberwolf… This front door is made out of wood, and the knob looks shiny, like it’s puling me towards it, that it wants me to leave this home of darkness and utter despair. Like that’s its calling. Why? Why do you care about me? Nopony ever does or ever will, so why should you? You’re not even sentient, you’re just a things, connected to another… thing. A knob.
I place my hoof on the door, not hesitating for the first time, and opening the door slowly and cautiously. I hope I don’t get to see that pink pony today. Or ever. I get some feeling that she is going to pop up sooner or later. They always do. The past always seems to haunt me. I don’t know why. I’ll probably never know why. And I can’t stop it, either. The sun is still shining on this town. I guess the weather in this town wants it too always been sunny? I wouldn’t know. I’m no pegasi, just a simple, uninteresting, boring, plain earth pony that is worthless. In a… colourful town. Nothing here seems plain and everything seems so lively. Nothing like my last home…
There are ponies, walking around, probably doing their daily routine or something. Which will mainly include insulting me behind my back. Nopony has insulted me directly, apart from that one, and they all seem… friendly. Like they are all good actors. They all seem to have these smiles on their faces whenever I walk past them, maybe waving in some cases. They don’t seem like the physical type to bully. Probably mentally and socially. No, definitely socially. They all chat with each other, talking about things and whatnot. I’ve noticed that they are really open with their feelings, and feel really guilty whenever they’ve done something wrong, unless it’s to me of course, in which case they will probably never apologize for anything.
I step outside of my home, closing the door. Maybe I should buy a lock for my door. Just in case somepony breaks into my home. It hasn’t happened before. But that doesn’t mean it won’t start now. I definitely should. Just… maybe not right now. I need to do something. I’m not walking around this town with the pink mare being around, probably going to be seen by her. I tread cautiously towards the apple orchard. I heard this orchard sold apple supplied to last a month or something by a flier that I saw a few days ago. I have somehow mustered some variant of strength to meet this mare. I hope she forget that she saw me…
“Howdy.” An earth pony greeted with her country/southern accent as she tipped her brown hat towards me. It looked like she was waiting for me as she leaned over by the white gate in front of the farm. I could notice sweat from her fur. I guess she was working hard on something. Farming, I guess. What else could it be? Luckily, the pink mare was nowhere to be found where I made it here. I didn’t see her at all, which I guess won’t last when I go back home… Carrying amounts of food… Probably pushing or pulling a cart… I didn’t think this through, didn’t I?
"…hi." I answered back as I glanced at her for a second from staring at the ground, trying not to panic after having to most likely deal with the pink mare... again. I don’t want to visit her, and I guess I want to make this as quickly as possible. Which I know won’t probably happen.
“Say, weren’t you the pony that was walking away from me a few days ago?” Oh no… Did she get a good look at me? I think she isn’t sure on me being that ‘pony’ from a few days ago.
“…no., it wasn’t me.” At least I responded smoother and not as quicker, and really quietly, still staring back at the ground. I don’t like lying. Ever. But that’s what ponies do to me all the time, lie. So… Why can’t I? Ponies just lie to me for a short time, only to betray me to brutally beat me up, or for their personal gain. Often both. Always… both.
She looked at me in silence, probably either analysing me for some reason, or trying to come up with an insult… Or going to call my bluff. Please don’t… “You sure? You look pretty familiar…” Oh, dammit. Err… Quick. Think of something. “Ah’m sure that it was you…” She looked confused and in thought as I took a look from the ground at her. I take another look at this mare as well. She had an orange coat with a gold/yellow mane and tail, tied with a red ribbon at the end. The brown hat on her head was… a Stetson I think. Her cutie mark was three apples. Most likely an apple farmer, I guess. That… Now… an answer that I need. I… can’t think of… anything.
“No.” I just answer. I can’t come up with anything else after a moment of thought and hesitation. Is this conversation going to go sour quickly? Like every other moment that I’ve ever had, or most conversations that I’ve had? Wait… “I’m new here…” That is true, by like a week now or something. I could direct this conversation now… I’ve never done it before. Okay, here it goes. Take it… easy… “I-I’m h-here to make an order…” I stuttered in a lower volume for a moment. Because that was smooth… Ugh. Please don’t laugh at me… I’m banking whatever I still have on this.
She raised an eyebrow for a moment before her expression turned back into a ‘friendly’ smile. If you can even call it friendly. More like manipulative and deceiving. “Well, sure! What would you like?” She then asked, still smiling, oddly. No insult at all? That’s… new, actually. I answered by giving her a small order, I don’t really eat a lot. I never liked sports, not that I’d ever get in or other ponies would let me, and for those reasons there really wasn’t any good idea to even go into sports. And I’m barely hungry really. Unsure of why that is. I’ve never known, like many things… She then commented on the small size of my order, noticing it. She paid attention? “For a month’s supply, it sure doesn’t sound like much.” That’s… another new thing.
“…I don’t really eat a lot.” Which was the only thing I could muster. Why would I explain why to some random stranger? They don’t need to know. Ever. Probably never, no. Certainly never.
She then muttered something to herself, probably keeping that in mind for some insult later on. Damn. “If you don’t mind me askin’,” What is she going to ask? “Why did you come here instead of the food stands back at the market town?” I… hadn’t actually thought of that. I didn’t even know that there was a market stand in the town. Now… it seems like a good idea. But, I’m not going to shrug this mare off and just leave. That would be really rude… But she would most likely be rude as well. And… No. I’m not going to the market ever, now. When I think about it, there’s a really good chance that the pink mare could find me there. And… the place would probably be crowded. More ponies to chat behind my back, rubbing it in that I’m lonely. I… don’t want to think about it right now. The mare in front of me brought her head a little closer to mine, too close for… anything and everything. She close her eyelids halfway with some sort of dirty smile. I don’t like the look of this, I slowly back away, before freezing at her words. “Is it because of our apples and friendly smiles?” You call that friendly? It’s creepy and… deadly if anything. And as if it’s friendly. You’re just trying to subdue me into… something bigger… and worse.
“Yeah, sure…” I answer after a silent moment. I couldn’t say anything else that I wanted off my mind, not that I ever will, and not that it will ever help me. Well, nothing does. Making it worse will definitely not as well.
She pulled back from my answer. “I see…” What? How do you? You don’t. You’re just lying to yourself. Don’t know why you are. “Well, okay! Ah’m gonna get your order. It will only take a minute!” She then proclaimed, before she walked off into the big red barn, where I assume she lives. She isn’t going to go and ditch me, is she? Wouldn’t be surprise if she did.
And I waited as I sat down and leaned against the white gate, looking up at the shining sun as the sky was clear of any clouds. Again for the third day straight. What schedule does this town have, regarding its weather? It was either raining or just overcast where I last was. I’m unaware of that reason alongside with this town. There was no celebration this week, or for the matter today or tomorrow. That I did not know about. So… Why do I always ask questions that won’t ever get answered? I guess that’s the price of being in loneliness’ company, all the time.
“Hi.” A softer country accent from behind me that made me startle and jump backwards, away from the voice. I turned around sharply to hear from… my actions I guess. I saw what… looked exactly like a younger version of the mare from before, only this time without a cutie mark. She had a red bow in her gold mane instead of a brown hat, along with two red ribbons at the end of her mane and tail. She was smiling at me. Was she a sister of that last mare? If so… “Who are you?” She asked, being excited? I couldn’t tell. Why she was even excited for, I’ll never know. There’s nothing good about a boring plain earth pony that isn’t even special in… anyway. None whatsoever.
“I’m just here for an order…” I avoid the question. She didn’t need to know. Not sure why she even cared, or mustered up strength to even ask question to a nopony. I hoped she wouldn’t press on further. Ponies usually don’t when I change the subject, because they don’t realise it. But I can realise the pain that they cause on me…
“Oh,” She looked away slightly, maybe depressed (?), with a confused expression on her face, before brightening up again? Uh… “You ordered food from Applejack?” So is that the name of that mare from before? What… a name. Of a beverage… I never understood the concept of ponies’ names in Equestria. It made no sense to me. And the ironic thing of all is that my name is different from the rest. I just nodded to her question. “Okay! I was wondering because I just saw somepony leaning against the front cage!” She… Why would she approach strangers? Heck, why would she even approach me?
“Um… Okay…” I responded uneasily and nervously. I don’t know why this foal is taking some interest in me. Nopony ever does. So… why is this filly starting to? I can’t believe that the lure tactic would devolve into the whole family doing it. In time, that is. The country mare, ‘Applejack’, got her sister to come out here… to keep this charade going? Wow. They have a lot of effort. And I guess I should just leave now, seeing as it’s been sometime (unsure how long, maybe half-an-hour?) since I saw her.
“Hey! My name is Applebloom!” She introduced herself, for… some reason, making me stop and turn around at the foal, smiling innocently and… sincerely? No. No, it’s a trap. Don’t fall for it. Though, why would I care about her name? I don’t hang around with foals (as creepy as it sounds… oh jeez), well I don’t hang around with anypony. Maybe she is trying to make friend…? She’s stupid. I’m… it’s just… too late for all that. I can’t start now. They will just turn on me, betray me… if I even try. I don’t want to feel that all again. But just thinking it… argh! Get it out of your thoughts, man. Dammit… “Hey, did you hear me?” She snapped me out of my daze of the ground. She said something? Man, how do I get so lost in my thoughts? Oh yeah… Loneliness. I shook my head with a confused expression. “I said, what is your name?” She still has this… bright personality to her. Being excited of being a foal. Young. Full of life. While mine has been burnt into the ground long ago, and my heart still burns inside. Everything is just painful… Wait, did she just ask for my name?
“W-Well…” I stuttered. Thankfully, Applejack had come back, pushing a brown, wooden cart that had several food products in them, looking all apple related I think. Well, it makes sense. The cart wasn’t that big, but it looked like there was a lot in there.
“Applebloom! Stop pesterin’ the guest!” She scolded at her younger sister, at least I presume it is, as she approached both of us. Applebloom nodded, with a sad expression? Well, okay… She then nodded and walked off, back into the barn. “Foals…” I heard her mutter to herself. Maybe something personal happened. I don’t want to know. I don’t even care. Don’t see why I should. "I already packed your meals, so they're ready to go!" I saw that the cart had a cloth wrapped tightly on the top, which must have been holding the food. She raised a hoof and presented it in front of me. "It's all in there. Fritters, Bumpkins, Strudels, and Tarts, everything to take your taste buds on a ‘tastastic adventure!" Is the adventure that she is referring to sitting inside a dark and depressing home, all by myself? As if I can have any adventure. Nopony can stand to be around me. This town… has been slightly different, and more… ‘Friendly’, but it’s all an act. I know it. I just know it.
"…thanks…" I expressed and pulled out the bits for her from my bag and placed them on top of the white gate. I grabbed the handle of the cart and started to push it, before she spoke again, stopping me. I just don’t want to be here. Is this getting worse?
"Hold on a minute there…" She spoke, causing me to slightly turn my head around. What… is she going to say? I paid the correct amount for what I asked for. I must have. "You've seem like your new here to Ponyville… but I've never really gotten to know you. Why don't you stick around for a bit? Some of my family is over right now for an upcoming reunion and I'd love it if you stay by. You seem like a nice pony, and I'd like to get to know you, if that's alright. You seem… lonely." You think? Also, how… actually, how did you know- No, how do I look lonely. I’m just depressed and burning inside. How does that make me look lonely?
"Sorry…" I already had my answer set, kinda expecting the utterly insane question that I would definitely not accept. "…I'm kind of in a hurry right now." That was partially true. I think? I don’t know. I just don’t want to be here. I want, no need, to get home. In some hurry. So yeah, I guess that is true. Maybe. Also, it hurts to think that I look lonely. Like I need to be reminded… again and again. And, now that I think about it, I’m surprised that she didn’t blow me off and ignore me. She… actually went through with my order. That is another new thing.
"Oh, uh…" She felt a little surprised by my response. As if she would care. Why would she even care? "Um, okay. Well, maybe some other time?” Why are you even attempting, even trying? I don’t want to… How can I trust you? “Like…next month…" Next month? No. Never. I can’t do it. I… wish I could tell you… or at least some other pony. But, no. Nopony can ever be trusted.
"Maybe not…" I answered in shame, my voice lowering in volume. Why couldn’t I just say no? I… I gave her nod and thanked her, before starting to pull the cart away, surprisingly easily as there wasn’t much weight in the thing. Guess I got rip-offed, not getting enough food for my payment. Or that earth ponies are just stronger due to… magic I guess, and we can more things more easily than pegasi or unicorns. The special kinds of ponies.
I wasn't sure if she was actually disappointed from being denied that question from before, most likely that she does… but that's what I sort of…sensed from her tone. I have nothing against her, not yet, but I know exactly believe she really wants to get to know me for me. Not sure why she wasted that time in the first place. Or the fact that she would even ask the question. Either way, I wasn't going to take her up on her offer. If I can't avoid her request the next time I see her, then I'll just have to unfortunately decline it again. Why would she even ask? It’s just a waste of time to everypony involved? I never understood mares, or anypony in general. They are all usually mean. I’ve really only met one pony that has really been ‘mean’ per se, but it will change in due time. It always does…
And while I was thinking that, I didn’t realise that I had been walking to some other part of town, the southern part I think, maybe? Great, I wasted no valuable time to get back to my house. Well, nothing in my life has ever been valuable to me. That I can remember. Being beaten doesn’t have any value.
In some random part of somewhere else in the town (maybe the east?), I saw a pegasi coming my way. There was the white unicorn by her side. Dammit. I wanted to quickly ignore the ponies before she could notice me spotting them, or more precisely the unicorn mare. I looked straight ahead and did my best to ignore her. My body tensed up and my legs almost even began feeling like jelly when I noticed the pegasi stop in my peripheral vision. For whatever reason, it seemed like she was looking back at me, and not the white unicorn. I definitely wasn't looking back to see if this was true or not, not that it mattered. Or cared I was already nervous enough as it was and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m putting up with the pink mare right now, and the yellow pegasi could be around here somewhere, though I doubt that… considering she is getting her ‘friend’ to do her job for her. I quickened my pace a bit just enough to where I was finally out of both of their sights.
Well, that wasn’t what happened fully that day, but… I’d rather not think about what happened after that. Although, I have nothing else to do. To think. I can’t even sleep, as I stare out the window, the sun setting down now. It is some sight, which has no worth to it. Even the sunset can’t distract my thoughts… Oh well, might as well recount that day… Or just attempt to go to sleep. I hate my life. And… sadly… there’s nothing I can do about it. Okay… let’s try again.
Fluttershy
I still can’t believe what I had done. I had beat up a stallion, a poor pony, under false pretences. How could I? I wasn’t that kind of pony. That assertive and dominating pony. I’m not like that. I’m nice. I’m kind. Friendly.
But I had done it. I was too assertive. Iron Will forced me into something that I wasn’t. It was too late for Pinkie and Rarity to prove to me otherwise. I… became a bully. I bullied that stallion. The poor stallion that I had seen at the seminar at the hedge maze. He looked worried. Now I’m worried that everypony will hate me of what I had done. The things that I did. I don’t think anypony can forgive me. They will all hate me for what I did. They’ll never like me, I’ll always still be an outcast… Ponies will always call me a meanie…
I’m a kind pony. A nice one. A forgiving pony. Not a meanie. Not a very assertive pony. I’m not that kind of pony. I’m… no bully. And yet he still won’t try to accept my apology, no matter how many times Pinkie tries to get his attention. Why would he? He probably hates me, for everything that I had done. Shoving him over a bridge, thankfully the stream was low that day… Standing over him, yelling insults… I’m not that kind of pony. What have I done?
I can’t stop c-crying… I’m in my bed curled up… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry… Please, I’m sorry… Please have it in you to forgive the things that I've done...
Rarity
I’m still in shock over what happened to this very second! I never knew Fluttershy was capable of such things. To be that kind of pony? I was shocked! What had Iron Will done to make Fluttershy do such a thing! To make her a-a… a bully! That wasn’t like Fluttershy at all! She wasn’t that type of pony! She was always a nice, kind, peaceful pony that would never harm another. Never!
But yet she did… I… still can’t believe now. That boy might be traumatised right now, the way he ran off like that, crying. Tears flowing from his eyes, looking very worried, desperate. Like he was lonely. He looked… kind of cute. Ugh! What are you saying, Rarity? Get those thoughts out right now…! He… I… I don’t know if he can ever forgive Fluttershy. I’m not sure that he ever will. Pinkie has been trying for the last few days to get him out of the house. He’s probably much traumatised right now. She wouldn’t listen to me when I told her to stop.
What drove Fluttershy to do such a thing? I hope he has the heart enough to forgive her… I feel sorry for him.
“Hey, Rarity! Are you comin’ or what?” Rainbow Dash yelled out from downstairs, rather impatiently, no matter how many times I try to get her to calm down.
“Y-Yes! I’m coming!” I answered after snapping out of my thoughts. I’m sorry, stallion. I’m sorry for Fluttershy had done.
Applejack
He walked off down the road, pushing the cart full of Fritters, Bumpkins, Tarts and all the like, in a hurry. Like he said, he needed to be somewhere, even though it seemed like he lied with most of what he was saying, but he was very nervous. And shy for the matter. He seemed really nervous when talking to Applebloom. Like everything he said was… forced. He seemed terribly afraid that I’d do something wrong to him, and by the look when he was talking to Bloom’… He seems socially awkward…
I guess I’ll just go back to work now. I wonder where Bic Mac has run off to… Actually, I also heard some rumour that Fluttershy was fuelled by rage, and bullied somepony. Somepony who… had a green mane and a light grey… coat. Oh no…
Rainbow Dash
So… I’m still not sure on what happened. Fluttershy decided to attend an ‘assertive’ seminar, to learn how to talk up? Man, how weak is she…? Then again, it is Fluttershy. I guess she needs to be more assertive when it comes to things. She essentially gets bullied around, and can’t and probably won’t do anything about it. Well, anyways… She goes to this seminar, and then starts to become assertive, by going around and… being more assertive.
I don’t see the problem Pinkie and Rarity had with her, right now. She was just learning, and the seminar paid off. So… the incident. She got revenge against somepony who laughed at her when she fell over. I don’t… Well there is a slight problem, that she had physically pushed him over, but it wasn’t bullying. It was only once. She didn’t punch him. And he… ran off. Afraid. Afraid… from Fluttershy!? Hahaha! Oh man, that is funny! He was scared of Fluttershy!? Bwahaha!
“Rainbow Dash, is there something that I’m not getting?” I don’t think you would get it, Rarity. Also, did you have to snap me out of something that was so funny?
“Eh…” I calmed down, wiping away a tear of laughter as we both made our way through Ponyville to Fluttershy’s, by walking. Well, she was walking, I’m a pegasi! The faster flier in all of Equestria! I don’t need to walk when I can fly. That’s what wings are for! I’m not a future Wonderbolt for nothing, now! “It… You wouldn’t get it… It’s nothing.” I’m… What was I thinking again?
Oh yeah, that stallion. Why would he even run away from Fluttershy, crying apparently? I think somepony else needs to take an assertive class. I mean, it was only one small shove. After he had laughed at Fluttershy… He damned deserved it, I say! Hell, I think he may need a lesson! For messing with my friends. And for the fact that it was Fluttershy. The kindest, most loving pony that I’ve ever met. She’s no bully. She wouldn’t harm another pony. Never! That’s not the Fluttershy that I know! He… Must have not been the assertive pony. Like Fluttershy. Wow, how ironic. Then, he decided… to bully her, from what I heard. That he shoved Fluttershy first, that he harmed her first.
He did it. I noticed somepony that I haven’t seen before, pushing a cart full of food that looked like apple pies, coming from the direction of Applejack’s. A green/silver mane with a light grey coat. A stallion, at that. I wonder who he is. He seemed to tense up when coming close to us. As if he was worried or something…
Well, how does he not know about the amazing Rainbow Dash!? He’s acting like he doesn’t want to meet me. He won’t even make eye contact as we walk past. Is he scared? But… was he… the colours. The green mane and light grey coat. He was the stallion that messed with Fluttershy! He must be! Right? I looked at him as we walked past, looking… depressed? He was depressed from being beaten up from Fluttershy!? Wow, I guess I would be too…
“Why does that stallion look so familiar…?” I heard Rarity mutter as she too, made a glance at the pony, pushing the cart. Wasn’t she there when the incident went down? “Hang on. He’s the stallion!” And that’s all I needed. I decided to confront this pony, to teach him a lesson. “Wait! Rainbow…” You mess with Fluttershy, you mess with me.
Rarity
Oh no! I need to stop Rainbow Dash before things start to get out of hoof. Knowing her personality, she would… probably scold him. For the things that she misunderstood when we told her a few days ago… Oh no! Where is Pinkie Pie? I need to find her before it’s too late!
The Stallion
Still haven’t spotted that pink mare so far. I’m getting pretty lucky right now, but don’t ruin the streak that you have. Well, somepony will eventually, but don’t make it right now. Things won’t get better. I don’t want things to get worse as it will, just… please not now. I don’t want to talk to that pink mare.
I don’t want her pestering me to make me apologize. But she will nonetheless. What kind of pony is that? To force somepony to apologize to another after being bullied by said pony? The bully’s friend, a loyal-trustworthy friend… to the bully. That isn’t right. If anything, she should confront me. But I just want to be alone. I don’t care if she is really sorry, because it’s just a ploy that I can see coming from a mile away, because it al won’t make me feel better, make me forget the past and how it haunts me, making the fire in my heart burn out, it won’t do that.
There are… everypony around here seems happy and friendly. Somehow they will turn on me if I even attempt to make any friends here. I just want to be left alone in my home, in the darkness of despair. At least there nopony can torment me… Well, that’s a lie, my past and the uncertainty of this new place does. But they are all acting nice to each other… Guess it won’t take much to get hated around here… I probably know that. No, I do know that.
I also hope that the pegasi from before isn’t following me… Don’t see why she would, as I tried to ignore her presence entirely. If she did notice, and decided to follow me… Why would she care over what I feel, what I looked like? Maybe she was the bully’s friend? I… I’m not sure. I guess its all the more reason to get home even quicker.
“Hey! You with the green mane!” A tomboyish-cracked voice called out behind me. Oh no… It was the pegasi from before. As I turn around, she is flying in the air, in an intimidated stance. Uh… She flew right up to me, into my face. I had to take a few steps back. I’m now slightly shaking in fear, wondering what this pegasi can do to me. I… Try and stay calm… How can I stay calm when this pegasi is scaring the buck out of me!? “Were you the stallion that was picking on Fluttershy?” She asked, with intent to… harm me? I’m not sure… Wait, I didn’t pick on Fluttershy. Why does she think that I did? Is… She must be misunderstanding the situation… But I’m too much of a coward to speak up and tell her…
“W-What?” I stuttered the same line… as before. “I didn’t- I was cut off there as she pushed me onto the ground, much stronger than the other pegasi. She then leapt over me… same as before. Oh no… Please just… somepony. Anypony! Stop this! Please! I don’t want to go through this again…
“Now you listen here!” She scolded me, raising her right hoof, as I flinch and brace for impact. At least it will be over quickly. I can’t stop the small tears flowing… Why is it always me? “Laughing at friends isn’t quite nice!” Why does she think that I laughed at her? I don’t say or think mean things about… anypony! And she won’t listen to reason… if I even try to tell her this…
“No wonder she pushed you over. And man, your weak if you’re scared of Fluttershy!” She tried to hold back a laugh, before getting scary again… “I say you deserve what you got. Bullying her!” Is… What... I hate my life. “And you won’t accept her apology? Really? Why not!?” Because all of you are just crazy… Scary… Mean… Underserving of any friends. Yet I’m the one who’s lonely. I’m too frozen in shock or fear to do or say anything. I’m just awaiting my fate...
She didn't stop there. “Fluttershy is one of the kindest ponies, most loving ponies and the nicest pony that I’ve ever met. How dare you mess with her! Treated her like trash you… you bully!” W-What is she talking about? I-I… I didn’t treat her so badly in anyway. What did I do that was so wrong in her eyes? How come all these misunderstandings harm me so deeply, and it only fuels the burning heart inside of me. Something that I can’t ever change…
“Rainbow Dash! Stop!” A familiar high-pitched voice called out, making the cyan pegasi freeze as she was about to… land a punch? I don’t know. Probably… Yeah. Thankfully… the pink mare stopped it happening.
“W-Wha?” She stuttered, looking at me again, probably getting a better look now, to see how puny I am.
Rainbow Dash
Was I really going to punch this guy, for embarrassing Fluttershy? Wow… No! No I wasn’t. Why would I ever to that. He made me do this. Yeah. He made me! He made me lost control of myself. I lost my temper. It was his fault, not mine. What… Was Pinkie Pie going to blame me for being forced to lose my temper? What… She is insane! He did it! Not me. I refuse to believe that I had done it.
He bullies Fluttershy, Fluttershy, and he is supposed to get away from it!? “What are you doing!?” Pinkie shouted at me? The stallion started to get up, placing his hooves on the cart, as I ignored Pinkie. What would she know? Don’t know why she even interrupted me. I got serious, warning this pony.
“If you ever mess with Fluttershy or any of my friends again,” He flinched and started to back away, the… almost wimp-like. Nice acting, there, I’ll give him that. “Then you will regret every moment of your life. You got that!?”
The Stallion
These ponies are really everywhere. I can’t ever escape them, no matter how much I try. I thought coming to a new town in Equestria would be a new life for me, to start all over again, slowly, but gradually. That there may even be some nice ponies to meet, to have friends… to love for once in my life. My, how stupid and unfulfilling those dreams were. And how stupid of me to even think those thoughts. I’ve said it myself, ponies are all nasty, bitter, terrible sentient beings. They are all selfish to themselves or to their closest friends, always picking on those who they deem ‘weaker’ then themselves.
It seems like… No matter how much I try… I just… They are always there. Like loneliness, they always taunt me, always bully me, prod me, insult me, laugh at me… And none of that can change. Even if I do try and change things, it would only make things worse. And… I was right in the first place. I should had never left my home. Things only got worse. This cyan pegasi has a misunderstanding with me, assuming that I am a bully. That’s a really new one that I haven’t experienced. Until now, that is. She claims that the yellow pegasi is… ‘The kindest ponies, most loving ponies and the nicest pony that I’ve ever met’.
Yet she was the one who shoved me. Physically pushed me. Isn’t that a type of assault that she should be charged with? Well, nopony cares, so it wouldn’t matter. As if a pony would side with me with anything, even if I am in the right. Which is about everything that happens to me. This cyan mare just threatened my life, of whatever is left of it, because… she thought that I laughed at her…
Things just can’t ever change… I-Not even Celestia can change things for the better, like everypony seems to say. They say that she is a very kind ruler who looks out for her citizens, being everypony in Equestria. With the exception being me…
‘That I’ll regret every moment of my life’… I already do, ma’am. I already do. In fact, I don’t just regret my life for being bullied for no justifiable reason, I loathe it. Hate it in just every way. I’m too paranoid to do things for the better. Tartarus, even if some ponies in this world, or at the very least in this country, are actually nice living beings, which I very highly doubt, but if there are any in this world… I… I’d don’t know what I’d do. I’ve never been happy before, and I can’t ever dream those thoughts, of me being happy. My mind is too literal when it comes to imagination. My mind refuses to believe in things that are just very unlikely. Most of the time. Or, whenever it wants to… Both really.
“I already hate my life.” I say, mutter, respond or something like that, to her threatening question. More like a demand. I don’t fear her right now, as I did. I’ve lost the feeling right now. Depression has overrun me. I feel gloom, sad, sorrow, upset, because I won’t ever feel happiness or love. That’s is the reality of things in my life which I despise. I pretty much ignore everything from that point on from the other ponies, even some few of them who were watching the entire situation. If I wasn’t the talk of the town then, I pretty much am now.
I got back to my hooves, and started to push the cart towards my home. I only hope that they don’t follow me. I noticed that the pink mare looks at me with… guilt and expressing some sort of sympathy on her face’s expression. Man, these actors in this town are really good. Because I know and I highly doubt that she is sincere. At least she is respectful, and that is an understatement, towards me and decides to hold back the unicorn and the pegasi who wanted to follow me. Probably the only nicest thing that would happen in this town.
I can also hear mutterings coming from other ponies as I walk by them. I couldn’t care to listen to them. Just a waste of my time, like this entire Walk. I regret most of the decisions, the choices that I make. This walk was one of them.
“I’m sorry.” I heard a faint voice call out from somewhere behind me. I stop for a moment to consider who said that. Shake it off. As if you’d think that was directed at you… But that voice sounded very familiar… You’re hearing things.
After finishing putting the apple foods in the fridge, which some smelt kind of nice, I relieved myself to my bed. I’m tired now. I’ve pretty much given up on leaving this house now. Unless something big comes up (that being nothing), I don’t see much reason to leave. There has been too much things that have gotten worse for wear. The visit to the apple orchard wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I’m going to get some feeling that it’s going to bite me in the plot, as disgusting as it sounds. I wonder who made up that phrase. Either way…
They are all ploys, incredibly talented actors who will betray you in the future, make you feel even worse that both those pegasi have done to you in this town. Now that I think about it, only the pegasi have really been nasty to me. And they’re both mares, actually. Do they have something against earth ponies who are stallions? Are they racists? I… For some reason I don’t think they are… But what am I supposed to think now? They’re all evil. At least it’s not as bad as my last home. They all haven’t grouped up on me… Yet.
There’s only one question that I can actually answer… But I am unsure of which answer to go with…
…do I want to die? To commit suicide. To end… all of it. I don’t know if taking my own life would help me, so I don’t have to feel this way anymore. The benefits that I get from not having to feel anything anymore, is that loneliness would be rid of me, as long as I’m not around to notice it. But, isn’t that the coward’s way out? I’m already a coward, and can’t change the perspective of others and what they think of me. So… so what if they think I’m more of a coward for dying.
Now I need to stop the tears from falling as I think this… That I would kill myself because I would always be lonely, always feel pain, always burn from within. But I can’t stop the tears. Nor the sobbing. Nor the c-cc-crying on my lone p-pill-pillow.
“Please… somepony… anypony… Give me reason to live. Just one. It’s all I want.” Wah… Why can’t I have a good life?
Even now, as I think about it more, ever since that day, over a week ago… I still haven’t given myself an answer over the ‘death’ question. I gave myself a deadline until somepony gives me a reason to live. I only need one. Whether it be from the proclaimed ‘nice’ princess, ruler of Equestria, Celestia. Or even from some other pony, who wants to be my friend, other than the pink mare. I’m willing to let my guard down if it means that somepony… cares about my life. Although, why am I even allowing this? I know that nopony cares about me… So, what’s with the sudden change?
…I don’t know. I guess… the heart inside of me wants to have some… hope… in order for me to continue living, until the deadline. That is really surprising. Why, heart, do you care? All you do is burn and cause a major source of pain inside of me. And what more surprising is the deadline… is the Summer Sun Celebration.
Which was in an hour from right now. Maybe I want to look at the reflection in the mirror again…
“Why do you want to take him?”
“Because your evil, heartless, vindictive, a liar.”
“No! No. Please. I’ve become reformed. I’ve righted the wrongs of the past.”
“You slaughtered hundreds upon thousands of ponies, enslaved even more without any mercy.”
“…And I’m sorry for that.”
“And we can’t trust you.”
“You know that I’m not evil anymore.”
“How can we trust you after all the betrayals and the sins that you committed?”
“You know that I’m not under control anymore.”
“You… This will be best for him.”
Silence engulfed the conversation. “How do you know that-?
“You won’t turn evil again? I highly doubt that. We both know it’s true, of you turning again…”
“You’re making a big mistake.”
“Why do you even want to raise him? Your empire is in ruins…”
“He’s only point in life. Please, don’t ever take him away from me.”
“I can’t believe you. I don’t think your son would want to know what you had done. It would be best for the both of us. And you know that. For what it’s worth… I’m sorry.”
“No. No! Please don’t ever leave me. Don’t leave me… It’s all I want.”
View Online
Mare of the Night (A Night to Remember, Part 1)
A star.
A moon.
A planet.
A city on the verge of destruction.
Ponies falling in despair and sorrow.
"In three days, thousands of ponies here, this city, will begin dying of thirst... Just like he wanted.
"Open your eyes… This is your fault… Remember that I didn't do this. Not me. You did this."
Fire. Flames. Dark smoke. Streets in ruins.
A wounded pony, crushed by rock and rubble. "The water's gone… that's all that matters." Takes deep lasting dying breaths. "Buck, this ain't how it's supposed to end.
"Look, if ponies find out what he did, and what happened here… they'll declare war on us.
And we'll lose. Now they'll never know…
"I'm insane? S'funny… Reid said the same thing."
Coughing.
"What I did may not a' been nice. But it was right.
"Besides, it's not like I'm walking outta here."
Guilt, blood.
"I hope you can live a happy life from all the things that I did… I'm sorry."
All I ever want is a friend. Right now, all I ever need is a friend. If I don't have one by the end of the night… I'll think about it later. Right now, the Summer Sun Celebration is being held down at some building. Princess Celestia will be there. I don't think I want to meet her. Why she would even meet somepony like me… nothing special. I… guess I'll go there. I've got nothing to lose right now… except my existence. As if anypony would care about me being gone. Even if they feel guilty, which they won't, I'm just another punching bag for them to kick around when I am here.
I walk down the stairs once more, passing the guitar and keyboard as they still stare at me with promise, wanting to still invite me to play broken musical instruments, which I had no idea over how to play. I don't see any point to play them. Ever… It's out of the question right now due… to my life's fate. You know, yourself. Don't remind yourself. There was nothing happening during the town ever since those… since the incidents. Until right now, there was actually something going on in this town. Which explains ponies running around everywhere in some rush today when I saw them outside my bedroom window. Thankfully, both pegasi mares were nowhere to be found.
I may regret anything in my life from this moment on, or I just… just, may like it. Dreaming wild things that will never come true…
I place my hoof on the doorknob, with no hesitation at all now. Another new things since coming to this town. But I didn't open it… I notice there is a latter that had been slipped through the bottom of the door. Who would even give me a message, and why would they? This isn't an apology letter from the yellow pegasi, because the pink mare would still come around and bother me. Don't see why they would put any, any effort to apologize to me. It's farcical.
I pick up the white letter with my mouth, my teeth being nearly-fully white and not yellow. Well, I don't ever eat any lollies and sweets. No point… And it's just not healthy. I sat on the chair in the kitchen as I tore open the letter with my teeth. Let's see who would waste their time to send me a letter. The Celebration is in like half an hour, so it can wait for now. The letter…
W-Wha… The letter was from… Princess Celestia. Why would she send me a letter? Tartarus, why would she even want with me? Nopony cares about me… Did she know about what happened days ago? How was that accomplish? Again, nopony cares about me. I see no reason for them to even tell anypony. Let alone the leader of an entire country.
Whatever… I lost the reason to get answers to questions that won't ever be answered a long time ago. Don't start again now. Especially… considering my decision. Let's... What does this have to say?
Dear I'm not reading that part. How does she even know my name? I never told anypony. I know you haven't been able to attend those other past meetings I've wanted to have with you… Oh yeah… I remember those. I didn't want to waste your time, Celestia. There was nothing of worth to speak with me, other than awkward silences and the possibility of being assaulted by your guards. That would be a new experience. But I would really love it if you could show up to the Summer Sun Celebration and watch me raise the sun. Well, I was going to do that. Though, she personally asked me to come if I decided not to… I've… heard the things that have happened to you during the past few weeks of being in your new home… Y-You ha-have? And I would like to talk to you about it. You must have many things to share in your life, and I would very much like to hear them… and about the incidents. I just wish for you, a citizen of Equestria, to be okay. Love, Princess Celestia.
Love… As if. And, that's exactly one of the problems that I have. I have nothing to share. I even feel especially bad for making up excuses to escape her invitations for these meetings she wanted to have, considering the fact that it's the leader of the ponies' main country, not the Griffon Kingdom (Griffonia? Not sure what it's called) or the Dragon Kingdom, or Draconia. Equestria. I didn't even respond to some of them, not that I would even if she is a Princess. Is it probably disrespectful, I know… I can't muster the strength to answer them most of the time. I… Why is she wasting her time on me? I just don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I could analyse that letter even further, like her even wishing for me to be okay. Probably just a PR thing.
Placing the letter away and leaving an undecided decision, I took in a deep breath and released it in front of the door, throwing it in the bushes as I walked outside and closed the door. I still haven't gotten a lock, not that I need it… Oh yeah. The incidents… Just… try to ignore everypony… don't even look at them… They aren't feeling sympathy for you, they don't want to be friendly with you… it's an act. Unless I'm told otherwise… just keep walking.
I couldn't describe how much of a chore this was for me. Again. They're laughing at me behind their back or hiding it behind their faces. I just know it! I can't stand the thought of that… Maybe if I focus on Princess Celestia… I could forget everypony else… Tartarus, she is the first pony too even care about me… right now. We'll see how much of this is true, as much as I don't want to. My life depends of the following moments of going to this Celebration.
Spike
I don't know if I should be excited right now. I guess that I should be.
Sure, I'm going to see Princess Celestia raise the sun, again, on this 'glorious' occasion as Twilight would probably put it. The fact that were in a new town, Twilight being ordered to make new friends in this nice and friendly town (even though I heard some brutal incident went down over a week ago), ponies here seemed really nice. Applejack, who was a bit too friendly, made me full for the rest of the day, mind you. Rainbow Dash, the funny, yet egotistical pegasi who can fly really fast. Fluttershy… the one who adores me. And I'm find with that, she seems really nice. And… Rarity. She looked beautiful to me. I h-have… I think I m-might h-have crush on her… love at first sight, I… think. I hope Twilight doesn't notice or she wouldn't leave me alone for it, or just press me further than I want her to.
But… everypony here that Twilight has made a friend with… are mares. And I'm a male. A male dragon. A baby dragon… I don't think I can relate to any of them. I am a baby dragon, they'll probably treat me as such until… years down the line, I guess. I want a best friend that isn't a mare. I can't related to most of the things Twilight does, even if I am her Number One Assistant, which I'm thankful for. She's… like my surrogate mother.
But not even she will relate to some of the things that I like. I want a best friend that is a male. He'll probably relate to some of the stuff that I like. I… I kinda feel… lonely. I don't know how long I'll be treated like a baby. I'll grow older, mature… But not today. Or tomorrow. Or next week, or next month… I want a best friend. Twilight doesn't count. And I barely know any other pony.
"Come on, Spike! The Summer Sun Celebration starts in a few minutes!" She ordered with a smile, more excited and looking happier than I am. I'm lucky that I have a family, when I think about it. I won't ever betray her or forget about her. She's always been there for me… Twilight. Well, a Celebration is about to start, Spike! Maybe… Maybe Rarity's there. She probably is! Oh, better look your best!
The Stallion
I made it just in time, about two minutes before it began, to hear birds singing in a choir directed by one… pegasi. No. No, no, no. One of them are actually here. And she is directing a choir of birds… I suddenly don't want to be here. I could just turn around and leave, never come back. But… that would go against the Princess' wishes of me being here. Oh… I hate choices like this. Should have never left the house. I could just walk forward and attempt to ignore her, and the cyan pegasi is she is here (which she probably is, seems like everypony in town is here, not focusing on me, thankfully).
I started walking towards the opened entrance doors… only to see her turn around and see me. I regret this. She froze when she laid her green eyes upon my green eyes. Her jaw was opened for the slightest of seconds as we both stared at each other. I, staring at her with fear, as I slowly backed away. Thankfully mostly everypony was inside and didn't see this confrontation. She… started to shake and… backed away as well? Was she scared of me? That… the expression on her face looks like she is even more terrified of me.
She was moving towards the doors as she was backing away, the birds all flying off in the same direction. Okay, I got bigger things to think about. She quickly dashed inside, moving through the crowd of ponies in there that I couldn't see her from out here. Do I want to go in there? It's most likely that she'll get her cyan pegasi, her friend. Well, it would only waste my time, if anything. Cautiously, hesitation as always, I walked inside.
I looked around and picked a spot in the back of the room. I wanted to try to be as far from anypony as possible, to be honest. Hopefully, the pegasi mares won't even notice me being here. Or anypony for that matter. So far, other than the yellow pegasi, nopony cares that I'm here. Well, caring for all the wrong reasons. Where did those birds go?
"Fillies and gentlecolts," The spotlight from the front lowered to shine on a mare, coloured in a light greyish amber coat, a light grey mane with a white collar around her neck, with a cutie mark that I couldn't make out, addressing everypony at the front of the stage. "As mayor of Ponyville," Guess that makes sense. "It is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!" At this point, everypony in the building cheered. I remained quiet, silently looking around and placing a hoof on my foreleg. At least I'm not the focus of anypony right now. Don't know if that will change. Knowing my luck, it's most likely that it will.
She continued after the cheering died down. "In just a few moments, our town will witness the magic of the sunrise, and celebrate this, the longest day of the year! And now, it is my great honour to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria..." She paused for a moment, for dramatic effect? I have no clue. Now that I think about it, I can't exactly remember what she looks like. "...Princess Celestia!" She presented, signalling the mare above to pull the rope. I happened to notice that that mare was… the white unicorn filly. Who was with the pink mare and the yellow pegasi? Well… at least she is too busy to even notice me.
However, when the curtains opened and the spotlight moved to reveal Princess Celestia, there was actually nothing to reveal. Um… I can already feel that there is something wrong. Rarity was the first one to notice this as she was deeply surprised, along with pretty much with everypony in this room, as they looked at each other, chattering quietly, but slowly the chatter became of a nervous tone. "Huh?" She expressed. I was just… Why isn't the Princess here? I'm pretty sure there is something bad that's going to happen. It's a hunch…
"Remain calm, everypony, there must be a reasonable explanation!" The mayor tried to assure, failing. Ponies were getting even more nervous now as I await for something to happen. I wasn't worried that the Princess was here. I'm going to die, anyways…
"Ooh, ooh, I love guessing games!" A familiar voice high-pitched and somewhat squeaky voice exclaimed out from the front rows. Ugh… Everypony really is here. As long as the attention isn't on me at all. "Is she hiding?" She asked, bouncing up and down with excitement, in an innocent manner. I also notice that the yellow pegasi is next to her. Hopefully, my presence hasn't been alerted.
Rarity came out of the room or area Princess Celestia was supposed to be in, looking shocked and in disbelief. "She's gone!" I know why, now, as she announced, receiving a large amount of gasps coming from... everypony but me. I just, and I may regret this, but I… don't care.
"Ooh, she's good!" The pink mare released. Did she think that this was a game? She really is insane. Suddenly, she was cut short on her fun when a sudden blue mist appeared on the balcony, causing her to gasp. Everypony else gasped as I looked around clueless, having no clue on what was going on or even what was supposed to go on. Where is Princess Celestia? Was she imprisoned by… the mysterious blue mist. Well, how am I supposed to know? I'm… not important to anything.
The blue mist enlarged until it finally it exploded for a moment, spreading out and revealed… a tall dark-coloured alicorn pony with light blue armour, who laughed sinisterly. A pony that was as large as Princess Celestia, if I can remember exactly. I've… never heard of this alicorn before. She seemed… important in some way if she is this large. Am I supposed to be trembling in fear that the Princess isn't hear right now. Well, I guess. But my decision, if I remember...
"Oh, my beloved subjects…" She announced calmly with an evil-ish tone before us. Wait, she isn't the ruler of Equestria… Is she going to take over the throne? "It's been so long since I've seen your precious, little sun-loving faces." Err…
"What did you do with our Princess?!" Another pony spoke out, with a cracked and raspy. The… cyan pegasi. It's getting better and better. She tried insanely to fly right up into the Alicorn's face, which was stupid, but was held back by some other pony. A pegasi versing an Alicorn? She… bullies.
"Whoa there, Nelly..." …who was the country mare, still wearing that brown hat. Is… I don't know. The pegasi still struggled for a second, before backing off. The Alicorn merely laughed in amusement.
Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?" She asked, changing her tone into a slightly irritated one. Well, no. Quite frankly, you look like a villain. I wouldn't say these things out loud, whether the decision was going to happen or not, because… I'm still not courageous in any way.
"Ooh, ooh, more guessing games!" She isn't bright, in the sense of being smart. Common sense, really. How is she just not taking things seriously? "Um, Hokey Smokes! How about... Queen Meanie! No! Black Snooty, Black Snooty—" At least the ramblings ended when she was immediately silenced when Applejack forced an apple in her mouth... From nowhere.
"Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years?" She- Wait, what? A thousand years? Imprisoned? Things are starting to make some sort of sense. Well, she asked, frightening a number of ponies in the first few rows, mainly at the yellow pegasi, causing her to flinch. This act of hers is really good. "Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?" She continued as she moved to Rarity. What is she talking about? Like I'm supposed to have this in mind?
"I did!" Another pony suddenly announced out loud for every one of us to hear. A mare, at that. "And I know who you are. You're the Mare in the Moon – Nightmare Moon!" She was lavender unicorn with a purple mane, which I've never seen in this town. Everypony gasped again from the accusation. Nightmare Moon?
"Well, well, well, somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here." Nightmare Moon stomped a hoof down, expecting an answer from the lavender unicorn. She is probably here to conquer Equestria. Wouldn't be surprised.
"You're here to... to..." The unicorn stopped and gulped, unable to finish her sentence for some reason. Something sinister-related, maybe?
Nightmare Moon chuckled loudly, smiling deviously. "Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!" The night to last forever? That sounds ridiculous… but due to her surprise entrance and Celestia's disappearance… It sounds scary, actually. As soon as she ended her sentence, her voice emerged into a loud cackle as thunder boomed and lightning flashed above her. She stood fearlessly below the intimating show, while I was standing at the back of the room still, away from others as it looked like they were getting scared.
I don't think this is a joke, or some show that I wasn't aware of. It's a pretty good one if it is… I don't know what to think right now. Too many… things going on. Still, I'm getting no reason to even be here right now. Nopony cares, and I'm probably a small stepping stone to Nightmare Moon. Like… everypony that meets me. I'm not worth her time, the Princess' time, or anypony's time. I don't… I guess I wanted to stop her. Eternal night? Well, it didn't bother me, really. I'm going to not exist anymore, anyways.
That's why I'm not in as much fear as I should be. I… don't really care. Don't see why I should. Everypony is selfish, deceiving, evil in their own way. They mean nothing to me, as I mean nothing to them. Even if there are some nice ponies out there who don't deserve to be treated like this, not being me or anypony realistically, then… they deserve friends. I don't know or think if I deserve friends…
I just stood there motionless, probably in shock and fear, maybe, or just blanked out. The night… could be worse for me. What should I think now? I think… I should better leave right now, before things get even more hectic.
Nightmare Moon continued to cackle loudly as, what was supposed to be her mane that was flowing somehow, clouded up the air space above her, which also served as a nesting site for thunder and lightning. She just watched, most likely amused as ponies were getting even more panicky.
"Seize her!" The Mayor ordered, pointing viciously towards the seemingly hostile pony, which I don't think would do anything as she seems unstoppable right now. "Only she knows where the Princess is!" She does? Well… Yeah it makes sense. Princess Celestia's royal guards, coming from who knows where (I didn't see them, let alone notice them), quickly ascended and headed towards Nightmare Moon. Straight at her.
"Stand back, you fools!" She shouted intimidatingly and shot out lightning towards them, hitting each target. She continued to laugh at her chaotic behaviour of panicking ponies and guards making suicide charges. Really, aren't they the Royal Guard? Her laughter died down after several moments, her transparent mane surrounded her, followed by a sudden flash, where she teleported away, I believe.
Now, I don't know why I sticked around to see that, since now everypony immediately began panicking and even screaming in fear, making it harder to leave. I could only look around in alarm as some others even pushed and shoved me in a hurry, which was really irritating. I eventually escaped out the doors as I looked up at the night sky. It will always be there… forever. And ever. Unlike the fate of my life. Well, I was given no reason to live right now. I made my way towards Evertree Forest.
I noticed the lavender unicorn rush past me as I walked gloomily. She must be in some hurry, like… she wants to defeat Nightmare Moon. I couldn't help even if I tried or wanted to… no reason. She obviously knows something about all this, I mean she was the only one who recognised Nightmare Moon. Imprisoned for a thousand years… I can't believe that. She must have done something really nasty to be imprisoned for that long. Maybe… I want to help Princess Celestia. Do I really? I must be lying to myself. I can't even bring myself to talk with the Princess… I don't… why should I help?
"Hey!" A voice shouted from above me, startling me so much that I fell backwards. Then the sound of the voice appeared in front of me. I hate myself, I really do. "You better not be following us!" She threatened me… again with her raspy voice, one added to the list of known bullies. She isn't as bad as… one. But still she is a bully. They are all bad.
"I'm…" I hesitate even telling her. "…not." I answer quietly with shame in my voice as I hang my head. I can't bring myself to tell anypony if they don't care. I can't see how this filly would be any different.
She narrowed her coat-piercing eyes at me, where I realistically assume she doesn't believe me. "You better not." She then says before flying away, in the direction of the lavender unicorn. Thankfully, not that it would have mattered, but she didn't attempt to bully me this time. Guess she had better things to do. I… Well, I've got nothing to lose, now do I?
I quickly hid around a corner where I saw the country mare, the white unicorn, the pink mare, and… the yellow pegasi running past me, in the direction of the lavender unicorn as well. Don't know why they would care. I waited they passed, silently and carefully following them. I feel guilty for not helping the Princess at all and not caring if she is defeated… Not that there is reason for me to do so… Well, any realistic reason.
The location ended up being some tree home/library place that I hadn't walked near before. I could hear voices from here when I saw the ponies walk into the place. "And just what are the Elements of Harmony?!" I heard a muffled exclaimed voice, where I saw Rainbow Dash shout at the lavender unicorn that seemed to know a lot about Nightmare Moon. "And how did you know about Nightmare Moon, huh?" Rainbow Dash inquired about suspiciously, and stupidly. "Are you a spy?" She questioned harshly before the country mare pulled her away by her tail. "Whoa!"
I quickly hid in a bush, as I occasionally peeked over the window luckily placed just above the bushes, and listened in to their conversation. Even though I knew it wasn't exactly the ethic thing to do. But at least I can hear what's going on with a hiding place. I tried to hear through as much as possible. If I was going to prove any help towards this disaster, which I won't for many reasons that I always seem to think, I had… well no idea. I just wanted to see where this is going and I could maybe help the Princess in some way.
"Simmer down, Sally." The country mare intervened. "She ain't no spy. But she sure knows what's going on." She and the others walked towards this unicorn with slight suspicion, or the yellow pegasi cowering behind the others. "Don't you, Twilight?"
Twilight… I guess the name can fit… I analysed the lavender unicorn closer. I'd never been able to look at anypony this long, but since they were unaware of my presence… I can actually be able to see them. I don't know why… Twilight… the name sounded familiar. I don't think I've ever seen this pony before, not in the town or the last, but why? Why does that name sound so familiar? After having that name float around in my mind, the colour of her coat and mane soon familiarized with my brain… Twilight. I swear… I feel like I have seen her before… I can't put my hoof on where.
After the moment of silence, Twilight lowered her head and began explaining. "I read all about the prediction of Nightmare Moon. Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know what they are, where to find them, I don't even know what they do!" Elements of Harmony? Wait, I've heard about them before in the past somewhere…
"'The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide.'" The pink mare mentioned from a shelf behind them, holding a book which I guess is the book she just stated, rather weirdly. She is weird, confusing, insane… what else is there to add. Annoying…
Twilight rushed towards the shelf, indirectly pushing Pinkie out of the way. "How did you find that?!" She asked with… shock.
"It was under 'E'!" It was under E… Yeah, I don't know. She just bounced cheerfully passed her, answering in a sing-song voice which annoyed me.
"Oh…" Twilight merely reacted, probably confused as I was. Nevertheless, Twilight brought out the book with her magic and opened it to read it. "There are six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known: Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty. The sixth is a complete mystery…" As she continued speaking, I couldn't help but feel a sudden chill run down my spine. I quickly looked back, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Nopony was there. W-What? I… What was that about? Something… Are we being spied on? I hesitantly and cautiously looked back inside. I'm… I don't know anymore. "It is said, the last known location of the five elements was in the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters. It is located in what is now…" Twilight paused for a moment and brought the book down. "…the Evertree Forest…"
Aw… dammit. They're going to the same place as me. Well, I don't want to stick around before they see me there. I don't see any reason for me to be a part of this. They aren't, definitely not my friend, and there's a problem with me… Nopony is my friend. And the truth is nopony ever will be. That's one of the problems that I have. I'm lonely. Alone. I hate you loneliness. Even if my heart is burning inside, ever since I could remember. I still hate you with every… fibre of… my worthless… pony being.
I sit on the edge of a cliff, in the middle of darkness of this 'Evertree Forest', after wandering around for who knows how long. As dangerous as other ponies claim this place to be, it was only spooky. Not really dangerous-looking. No dangerous creatures were spotted. I saw a hut as I walked by, and I didn't want to disturb anypony that was there.
I contemplate my existence, for the last few… moments of my life. Nothing else to do. I grew up in an orphanage, in some place north-east of here. I'd rather not recall the name. I never knew my family. For what I can remember, my first moments of my life… was being in a basket, being looked down upon the main orphanage caretaker. Her name was Ms. Leadbutter, as strange as it was. She… She wasn't a nice pony. She treated everypony harshly, not being lenient to anything that any orphan does, not letting us play sports and games outside… she didn't even feed us very well. It explains how I never got into sports, but I managed to get by with my life. The foals, colts and fillies in the orphanage, didn't really bother me much, or at all actually. They didn't bully me, nor did they take a second glance at me.
It was mainly… the foals at school that bothered me. A lot. All the time whenever I went into that school. They… punched me. Spit at me. Kicked me on the ground. Made me bleed. Cause p-pain among me. On a helpless foal who was smaller than all of them, one small earth pony with a grey coat and a green mane. He couldn't do a-anything. Why were they beating on a senseless pony? It was inponymane. They were getting some sort of pleasure out of it. They like it. And the teachers and seniors didn't care one bit. Tartarus, they actually hated him. And he never… I never knew w-why. A-and p-probably n-ne-never wi-will.
I'm starting to crack up. Okay, take deep breaths. Take deep breaths. Nopony is going to hear you cry. There's no point. No matter how much you want to. Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.
Nopony is going to hear you cry.
Deep breaths.
…okay. Several things that I want to think about. Things that bother me the most.
My name. Rarely anypony knows my name. Only a select few know what it really is. I've gone by fake names that I make up on the spot. Multi is one of them. But that isn't the reason over why I get bullied, although it easily could be. The only ponies who know my name is Ms. Leadbutter (because she read the note that came with me and the basket), Princess Celestia… and that's about it. Thankfully, nopony knows what it is. I'm ashamed of my name. It's because it's a name that stands out. One that isn't common among ponies. Usually names reflect their cutie mark. Multi would make sense, but that wasn't my real name.
Other thing that bother me… Me… Me being alone. Having no friends. Only loneliness ever keeping me company. What have I ever done to be alone? To be hated by others. I don't… think I deserve any of this. Yet, this is all I'm given. Hatred by others, some by misunderstandings (most of which have happened in this town), most by bullies who seek pleasure in fights. Brutally beating me down… And it was only me in school who was bullied… that I can remember. I've never known why. Why did they hate me? Why does… Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy… hate me? Why does everypony hate me? Whenever I go… there is always, always one pony that's there to hate me. All for no reason, most of the time. Others… I've never been able to comprehend the reason they give me. I'm small, I'm weak, I'm green, I'm light grey, I'm an earth pony…
And I know that I shouldn't hate myself for it… It's not my fault… others say it's my fault… How is it my fault? What have I ever done wrong…? I just hate myself for it. For all of it. I hate the lack of courage that I have with meeting other ponies. I hate the lack of any self-esteem on myself. I hate my paranoia on ponies always being nasty and mean. Even if everypony I meet are… I just can't be friends with anypony.
No matter how much I try to be friendly with anypony that I meet… no matter how much I succeed in school and get 'good' graded… no matter how much I put my best efforts into the things that I do in trying to make a friend… I am always alone. Lonely. No friends. I've never had one, not even close it. No family. Any family that I heard about died long ago, I'm an orphan. No love. Anypony I meet hates my guts, and I'll never know why. Nothing. That what I've always been. Lonely. Loneliness has been my companion through everything that I go through. He ends chapters on my life and starts new ones. For instance, me moving to the 'supposed' friendliest place in Equestria. I lost all hope for ponykind.
The only hope I have left is that I don't go insane... Could I go insane from being alone? I'm not insane… I won't get chucked into an Asylum… Will I? It's the only hope that I may just have right now…
Please...
Somepony…
A-Anypony…
Let me experience friendship... "L-Let me-me ha-hav-have an f-friend. Is that too much to ask for? Is it? Is it!? Is that too much to ask!? Why can't I ever have a friend!? I want to know why…!"
Nightmare Moon
I will take over Equestria in time. I need to wait for now. The unicorn mare from before, she knows my plot. My plan. I need to stop her getting the Elements of Harmony, is she is as smart as I saw her. I hope that I intimidated everypony there. Getting fear into their systems… They'll be too stupid to even mount some kind of offense onto me… to stop my plans. . If she is smart, she would come back to my castle in the forest of my realm. She won't beat me, the Princess who has been imprisoned for a thousand years on the Moon. By the goody-two hooves, Celestia. She was caught off-guard when I captured and imprisoned her. I hope she feels happy being on the moon while I become the Queen of Equestria!
I will be the long-awaited Queen of Equestria.
Funny how only one puny pony has managed to remember me. Only one. Well, I guess it won't matter until they enter the forest. Her… and anypony else who enters, shall tremble before my might.
I will be the long-awaited Queen of Equestria.
And the past shall be put to rest, and ignored. Like Celestia has done, erasing the past wars that were caused. The past. I'm not Luna as she tried to say. I'm not her. She was a weak figment of my being. Maybe Sombra was right when I 'fought' him all those years ago… The dark side is strong.
But it matters no more. Princess Luna is no more… I am Nightmare Moon! I will become the Queen of Equestria, and rule over the land of the ponies. They shall all obey me. Fear me. And they would be smart to not question my authority. I'm still better than Discord. Speaking of him… His statue is quite the funny predicament, the way he is trapped like that. Nevermind… Ponies will fear me.
I will be the long-awaited Queen of Equestria.
The throne and this entire castle needs cleaning up. I can't believe she just deserted the place. Well, decades of planning will come into play. Now… I don't know what the Elements of Harmony exactly look like. There are these rocks with the symbols engraved into them. Yet they aren't here. I can't feel their presence anywhere in this castle. I need to clean it up later after I make sure…
Wait. A pony has entered the Evertree Forest. And I didn't notice till now? I wonder how this pony got past me. How did she… she must be skilled in some magic if I couldn't notice.
Actually… it's a stallion that I did not notice. An earth pony, a green mane full with light and dark, and a light grey/silver coat. His cutie mark was a full-white multiplication sign. He wasn't seem with the unicorn that pointed out my name… Who could he be? And why did he dare to tread into my realm all by himself? He walked to the end of a cliff, sitting on the edge. He could be contemplating me being the Queen of Equestria… Let's go have a look.
I teleported some distance behind him, with my pink and blue mist that enveloped around my presence slowly drifted away. He… seemed upset over something. He nearly cried while trying to hold it all down, whimpering almost. How puny of him. Though, I wonder what caused him to be so upset.
"L-Let me-me ha-hav-have an f-friend." He then cracked up after long moments of silence "Is that too much to ask for?" He cried to nopony. "Is it? Is it!?" He started getting madder, looking up at the night sky, my lovely night sky. "Is that too much to ask!? Why can't I ever have a friend!? I want to know why…!" He yelled in an outburst, before sobbing to himself. He must be lonely. Hmm… Why don't I take a look into his thoughts…
…
…his past, the pain that he received, the loneliness that accompanies him, the fire burning his frail, near-dead heart. That… was interesting to say the least. I… I don't feel- No, what are you saying, Nightmare Moon! I don't feel bad for this pony! He is nothing compared to you. To anypony! How… he's just an earth pony… with a terrible past. For a foal… I… don't think I feel bed for him. He's just another pony that isn't special in anyway. He's only a civilian. But still, nopony should have to go through with all that. Maybe… hmm. Maybe, not all ponies want be gone from this land. In due time that would want me as their leader.
I will be the long-awaited Queen of Equestria, of course.
Maybe this colt is an exception. Maybe. I don't think he would… maybe if I act friendly towards him… He doesn't have good intentions to himself. Not to me, he doesn't care if I do rule these lands. Okay, I should at least try. I… feel bad for him.
"Hey…" I start out, still in a regal voice that was kind of threatening still. He flinched before looking back at me… tears coming out of those green eyes, sniffing in resignation. He glanced over me before looking backwards, and sobbing even more.
"Have you come to kill m-me…?" He cracked up again, being unable to control himself. Not even I would make ponies like this, to torture my own kind. Imprison for my benefit and power, sure. But… not torturing civilians. I'm not like Sombra. Even I have to take a stand at one point. I wonder if Discord ever enslaved ponies…
Okay, let's try again. "No." I answered more softly this time, hopefully not startling him. I don't know if I convinced him or not, because he didn't respond at all for a minute of him sniffing uncontrollably. "Are… are you alright?" I tried again. I want to get on his friendly side. I should calm him down… but I don't know how. I'm… not the friendly type, to put it at the very least. I didn't think making ponies' fear me would… actually make me guilty. Although, he is crying because of his past. I… why do I want to help him?
I couldn't answer that question, before he broke the silence of my thoughts. "I…" He trailed off, before crying louder." I-I… I want to d-die…" W-What? "I want to die."
Spero Te (A Night to Remember, Part 2)
'One day the streets with alight
From a ruler so handsome and wise
Rumoured to be from the night
He'll come back and he will rise'
"Welcome to Tartarus. I've been waiting for this moment, for a long time.
"I hope I can finally make you happy."
"No. Don't do this. Please don't. No. No! NOOOO!"
Nightmare Moon
"I want to die. I want to die. I w-want to die…" He kept muttering over and over and overs, tears forming small puddles in the grass, some flowing over the edge of the cliff.
This sight was… meant nothing. Sure the pony was sad. Being driven to commit suicide of all things. What made him so miserable that he'd do something like this? I don't think taking your own life is worth all his pain to be gone. He could live and maybe be happy under my rule. It's not like my inevitable rule will be deadly among my ponies. I'm nothing like Sombra.
But as if I care about what one pony feels like. I'm not like Celestia or… Luna. She is the evil one who attempts to persuade all of her civilians, like her annoying sister. She is the one who tried to take over your mind, and Sombra showed you the way. The correct way. While I cannot fully agree on every action Sombra seems to take, including slavery (because that is no fun and a bit brutal for my standards), my regal standards, he is a master of his craft. Just like mine. He showed me the way. The good way. I am Nightmare Moon! I shouldn't care for just one colt who can't even live happy.
Why should you even care? You are Nightmare Moon! The Queen of Equestria, the rightful pony for the throne! Why do you care about this young one…? You don't. He's just another stepping stone. Why do you even care? He… only wants to kill himself. It… does it even matter? N-no. No! It doesn't!
…doesn't it?
"W-why…" He cries softly again. Why… why should I care about this one? Is it because… I feel remorse? That's… stupid! You shouldn't think those thoughts! It's a weakness in others. How Celestia managed to pull it off for over a millennium I'll never know… But it became her downfall. She isn't here right now. You are! It's a weakness. It's a feeling that Sombra has none because… his weakness is love… I don't know. I don't think Discord sees it as a weakness… all he does is torture others. And gets some kick out of it.
Why… do I feel remorse? Is that what this feels like? Remorse feel… sympathetic almost. Why? He's only one pony that doesn't mean anything to me. He looks pathetic, like a punching bag for stronger, more-athletic ponies who wouldn't dare to challenge me. No matter how physically or magically strong they are. They can't compare to me.
But they pick on him. This pony. He is even ashamed of his own name. I don't think anything of these names. Don't see why I should. It's just a name. They mean nothing compared to the power of sitting on the throne at… Canterlot. She changed the capital, as I remember. Nethertheless, I still hold all the power of Equestria, and all ponies will tremble before me!
But him… he's… different in a way. He doesn't care if I do rule these lands or if Celestia does. He's neutral. He'll just accept some things the way they are, and even if he wants to change things… he has no power to do so. He's smart in a way. Not making a fight that he can't fight in. And it shows how pathetic he is… being pushed around like all that…
So… I feel remorseful from it… I… Maybe… Let me get his attention for now. I'll think about what to do with him later… I'm not entirely brutal to ponies. Nothing like Sombra. And I don't want the young one to kill himself.
Killing himself won't help anything. Not when I'm done with him, anyways.
The Stallion
Killing myself will help everything. I've made my decision. I want to die. There's nothing to live for. No hope left for me to wish for. Any hope that was there has now been obliterated. There's just nothing to live for. The benefits of suicide are much better for me. No more pain, no more being a punching bag, no more directed insults, no more directed threats, no more potential chats behind my back, no more blood that is spelt, no more worrying, no… more hope for a friend. It won't even happen. I lost the will to try.
My heart's fire has been raging more violently right now. And it hurts. A lot. But I ignore the pain. So what if it is slashing around in my puny body, it doesn't matter. The pain will go away once it's all over. I could be at peace…
I also ignore the 'Queen' behind me. I don't care why she is even here. I don't even want to know. Even if I could ask these questions that may get answered, none of it matters. I just want all of it to end… the bullies that randomly appear whenever I go, to taunt and tease me. To beat me. Why do bullies like to fight? I don't see any point in it? I've always been nice to anypony that I've met. I can't remember when I got the same treatment…
Nightmare Moon, reasons for why she is even here is in obvious doubt, attempts to get my attention. I just ignore her. Does she want to turn me onto her side? To… get revenge on ponies? It's… a tempting offer if she makes one, but I'm not that brutal. No matter how much they deserve it. I won't ever make a choice that ends in civilian deaths. Some ponies are innocent and wouldn't bully me… until they meet me. Come to think of it, I can get back at these ponies that bullied me. I can… make them feel what I felt over the years…
It sounds… satisfying. No! Don't think those thoughts. You're not evil. You're not a bad p-pony. You're a nice one. You've always been. Maybe I could have a pure heart… if it weren't for the fact that it tries to burn itself every day. You get used to it. But you can never know why they all decided to pick on you. Before I die, I would like that question to be answered… at least one. Why does everypony hate me? Is it because of the way I look? Because my coat isn't even a colour? Because my mane is green? Of course, I won't get an answer…
She tries again, sounding more threatening this time. I could barely hear her over the warbled voice. If she wants to kill me… what is she waiting for? Is she being satisfied over seeing another pony contemplating suicide? She… may really be a monster.
Please, don't kill yourself. W-What? Who is this? And why should I listen to you? Please, just listen to me. I'm…
"Okay, fine. You won't listen to me?" W-What is she do-doing here? I turn around at the sight of her, where she was much bigger up closer. She also had this stern look on her expression. Better yet, who the Tartarus is the voice in my head? "Then so be it." She spoke with intent… before turning into a pink/blue mist. Oh… What have I done to her? All I did was ignore her… Don't I want to die? "Why are you here little pony? I must ask this for you to answer this time ." That last part was added with venom. The mist started moving towards me. Should I be scared and panicking right now, finding a way to escape? I could just jump off behind me… "But where would the fun in that be?" F-fun… what? "Don't worry… just go to sleep… sleep and let your nightmares… awaken one more…" No. No, no, no. No. No! No! Don't take me away from this! I don't want to relive it all again! Please! Don't do this to me…
Fight it! Don't give up.
My eyes began feeling weary and droopy all of a sudden. They were closing by themselves, and I couldn't fight it, nor did I even feel any need to fight them. Now I'm starting to panic. She is going to torture me! My body planted itself on the ground, my legs feeling weak once more. I couldn't move anything. Oh why does fate do this to me? The mist was fully surrounding me now, blurring my vision. The mist slowly replaced with blackness, as some dark magic was engulfing me. "Sleep ."
Everything in my vision was pure white when I came to. My eyes slowly opened, blinking a couple times before seeing the night sky. Or… pitch black. I was lying on something that wasn't visible, but it was a hard surface. I looked down and there was no ground. I looked around, and it was all dark. Where… why couldn't I… nopony will let me die so I can suffer through living… I guess there's no point in fighting if… I'm here. Wherever this here is. I noticed that a small light appeared somewhere in front of me. I blankly stared at it. Should… I walk towards it? It would be a start…
Go on. Walk towards it. It was the voice again that wasn't Nightmare Moon's. It sounded… motherly. Almost comforting… in a way. I was startled at first… I got up for a second, before falling to the ground with a grunt. My hooves still felt weak.
Can't you walk? The voice asked. Maybe…? Don't give up now. Have faith in yourself. That's hard to do at all. But… I just remained silent. I pushed myself up slowly, before noticing the light had gotten a little bigger. I had planted all four hooves on the ground now as I looked at the light. Like it was calling me… for… something. I could care less if it was for the better or worse, as likely as it was.
I started limping towards the light hesitantly. My hooves… urgh. As I kept walking, my hooves slowly regained their strength, as I was now walking gloomily. I don't think my hooves usually lose their weakness at random times… only usually whenever I wake up after a period of time. I don't know why. My heart throbbed for a beat, making me fall back on my rear once I had walked into the light.
I felt… some warmth radiating from the whiteness of this… room? Area? Whatever it was… there was a heat source coming from somewhere. The… is this a dream? It was some dream if it weren't for the fact that I can feel something within the dream. Now… something feels wrong now. Like there's a disturbance or something. There was a sudden breeze that sent chills through my spine, coming from behind me. I turned around to see the darkness once more. Then… three figures appeared… that was hard to make out.
I slowly backed away, not knowing what these figure could be… until they formed three ponies. Big ponies. Ponies that were bigger than me. One unicorn, one pegasi, one earth. They got even closer as I felt like I couldn't move. What was happening? Why… who…?
"Oh… look at what we have here." No. Not you again. The giant earth pony was here again. The burgundy coat, darken gold mane. He's… here. He kept his sinister eyes locked onto me, those evil gold eyes… He smiled evilly. Then his two 'mates' walked on both sides of him. The dark red unicorn with orange mane and eyes… he was also here. And… a white pegasi with a dark green mane and eyes. Who was he? He wasn't a bully that I've ever seen… although he probably was. "It's stupid. Look how dumb the runt is, all by himself." He started guffawing, as I looked down in shame, sorrow.
I… I… these nightmares always happen to me. I can't ever escape it, either. The dark red unicorn snickered at the comment. At least they don't look like they want to bash me… yet. "Wow." He narrowed his eyes while also smiling death at my face. My miserable, lonely face. "You're so boring. That's why nopony talks to him. Look. Just look! He's looks so stupid and dumb, the runt." I was insulted again, as the fire in my heart intensified. It… kind of hurts, but not as much as the insults that I was being received.
"Seriously, how sad is it to be without any friends." The white pegasi asked… seriously? He wasn't smirking smugly, he… if anything he looked sympathy for me, but in a way that still hurts me. W-What? Who is he? Was he… "Must be real lonely, you loser." Nevermind… as if anypony cared over what I felt. My heart was raging even more violently now, as I had to put my hoof on it. It hurts… but it felt like it dropped severely. Before I realised something…
This was just another nightmare. Only it felt like it was more realistic than before. That… it won't ever go away. And will always come back in different forms. All I could to be to take a few steps back, and began huddling to myself. At least I was thankful enough that they didn't attempt to attack me. Not that it mattered. I huddled up so much that I almost wrapped myself in a worthless, tiny ball, that didn't matter to anypony. I could hear their taunts continue, as I closed my eyes shut, attempting to contain the tears that are trying to break free.
I desperate for all this to go away. That's why I wanted to commit suicide. I didn't want to experience any more of this. Yet, I am. I should have jumped when I first saw her instead of uncontrollably crying. Though, she probably could just had teleported and caught me anyways… I hate all of this so much. I hate my luck. I hate everypony judging every little thing about me… which is the only time they do actually notice me… how I hate all of it. And I won't ever be happy from it. That I have to suffer through it all.
"Come on, runt. Get up!" The giant earth pony yelled loud enough that I could hear it, speaking those familiar lines that I hear every night.
"Yeah, why don't you come and play !" I always flinch at the way that he said that word. It was always him that says that line. I'm always terrified of these two, they are always in my dreams and they can't ever escape my mind. That I always suffer… Why am I the one to suffer this kind of abuse every day of my life? Why can't I ever be happy? Why… why can't there just be one little thing that can make me, or something that I can do… that could… make me happy?
The warmth from the light began disappearing as I noticed that I couldn't feel much intensity now, and the light itself was dimming. Focus. Don't let anything distract you. It is only you that's important. Believe in yourself. How can I believe in myself? How can I trust your words? They will always be there. I can't do anything to stop it. I've tried… "…I can't…" I spoke to myself, keeping my head buried in my forelegs, desperately not wanting to look back up at all. No matter what I do, it always bothers me…
Find that guiding light! Retain your confidence! As if I have any… Do you want to succeed? …Yes, I guess I do. If you really want to succeed, you must push away fears and distractions! I… I don't know if I can. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.
I remained silent as I heard those words. 'I believe in you'. Her comforting tone of voice also helped her persuasion… Either way… I… I squinted my eyes really hard as much as I could, feeling the tears that had formed from inside. I just wanted this pain to stop. My heart didn't help either. I'm not sure if this voice was right at all. Sitting here and just crying to myself wouldn't do anything… but nothing else would make things better. Except maybe in this situation. Everything started too seemed… better, as I tried to push these nightmares away from my head. If I wanted all of this to stop…
I need to do something about it.
I kept my eyes closed as I looked, or tired rather, inside of myself, pushing away this nightmare. This nightmare wasn't real. This nightmare wasn't real. It is all a lie… It's just my fears clinging onto me and they won't let go… this nightmare wasn't real. I kept mentally repeating these new thoughts, with a newfound reason to do something that is worth it, as the ponies' voices faded away into nothing.
I felt something immense come out from inside of me, that didn't feel like warmth of heat at first. I opened my eyes and noticed the surface beneath me was lit with whiteness. I looked up and noticed that those ponies were gone as well. It… worked. It actually worked. My nightmare was gone… The light and warmth returned, but the walls around me were still darkness. But… it actually worked. Something… must be wrong here, I'm sure of it.
But nethertheless, I gave a sigh… of relief. Those despicable ponies were gone, at the very least. I… actually conquered a nightmare. Those ponies were gone… then, wait. I listened to a voice in my head… Am I going crazy by some weird voice in my head? For the sake of be being alone for… a long time, I doubt that reason. I still scoffed at the idea… though I'm not insane from it.
"I am not just some 'weird' voice in your head." The voice spoke again, sound like a filly now that she is much clearer. Although I don't know why.
"For some reason I doubt that very much." I have more than some reason, I have quite a few. I just look around this room, seeing no exit in sight.
"Maybe you should turn around." Eh… what? I turn around… and see her. Right in front of me… I'm… this is not a hallucination… it's the Princess herself. Princess Celestia. The voice… was outside my head now.
…
I just stared at her in disbelief. I don't know whether it be in fear as well. Definitely shock. I'm not sure if I should say anything. I couldn't even muster any strength to speak or question anything. Why… why is she even here? Wha…
"I can answer those questions." She said, hearing my thoughts, as she walked up to me as I still stared at her in shock and confusion, before looking down in shame. She placed a hoof on my cheek and gently moved my head up for her to see my face. "You do know that you hold something very important?"
Well, I don't see a point in not talking right now. "I doubt that. If it's important… It can't be." I noticed that the floor had dimmed slightly, and my heart wasn't raging anymore. Still burning inside…
"Look at me…" She called very tenderly, though I'm not sure if I should look up. I'm conversing with Princess Celestia. Princess Celestia of all ponies. The ruler of Equestria. And she is wasting her time talking to me… I… don't know what to think right now. "I am not wasting my time." Her voice spoke, sounding non-threatening. "Nor am I wasting yours." She then puts a hoof under my chin, softly pushing it up for me to her smiling face again. "You can't let anything bad distract you. You can't let your paranoia and past fears guide your actions…"
"It's very hard to do when…" I say, trying to say anything really, trying to argue with the Princess…
"You are special. Your heart is also special. Believe me on this."
"I… don't understand." I stutter. Not sure if I want to. "I'm not special. I don't see how my burning heart is special… Why should I believe you?"
She lightly released her hoof from my cheek. "Your heart, Tom." She then placed her hoof on my chest. "It's more special than you think. Just because it is 'burning' inside, doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing."
"How do you know my name…?"
"Well, you're a special pony that should deserve friends… basing off your past." She mutters that last part. "Why shouldn't I know the names of all my subjects? Especially those who are very talented."
"Talented…?" Not sure if I am talented in anything, other than being lonely… "I think you have the wrong pony…" I guess… No. I don't know if I deserve friends. "I just want friends."
"Listen to me, Thomas." She requested my full attention politely, using my full name now, which I refused to acknowledged... but she knows...
"You want to know the reason of why I am helping you here?" I nodded, hesitantly. "It's because I don't want you, or any other ponies for that matter, to continue suffering like this, the current way you are. It's not worth killing yourself after losing all hope. Please believe me. You will find friends one day. I mean, you moved to this place because you heard that this was the nicest place in Equestria, am I right?" Yeah… how did you guess…? "It's… let's say an obvious thing to guess when you're the ruler of Equestria." Okay…
Suddenly, Princess Celestia sat down by me and placed her right wing around me, hinting me (I think?) to sit down with her as well. I was shaking nervously as I did so. Although, consider she is hinting for me to do so… I don't feel as nervous considering I've been talking to her. I still look towards the ground as we talk.
"There are more reasons why I helped you in the forest as well. I couldn't just let a pony be… attacked by Nightmare Moon." She attacked me? I thought she just made me sleep. "She attacked you by making you go into an eternal state of nightmares, until she thinks the pain was satisfactory." Oh… "And…" She made a pause, making me look at her, oddly. "I didn't want to just help a poor little colt…I could see and feel the importance you had within you. I also needed to protect you…because you're very special whether you think so or not." I only remained silent as I looked away once again.
"Although you may not be comfortable with talking to another pony…" She paused again. "You're listening to me right now. We're conversing, aren't we?" Now I pause at that question. Considering everything… I guess.
"Now… you may not be comfortable with this… I'm hoping that you trust me enough to answer a few simple questions that I have for you right now…" That depends… what kind of questions? I'm uncertain of where this is going. She adjusted herself slight for a moment, followed by a few moments of silence. "Do you trust me?" She asked, out of the blue. Then I paused in silence… I don't know how, or what to answer that question with. I…
"I don't…" I pause again. She helped me from my nightmares, helped me give some sort of motivation… And reason, or at least trying, to… well, live. Then, I sighed heavily with my closed eyes. "I do." I still say slightly nervously and hesitantly, but… with small confidence. Actually some confidence. She smiled from my answer. Her expression looks… sincere. She placed her right hoof on my left shoulder. Normally or naturally, I would have reacted nervously, but since she... helped me, for lack of better words… "Tell me…" She began. "What would you like in your life's journey?"
"That's…" The question surprised me. It's something that I always feel about in the back of my head… I paused as I looked down, feeling sad about something that probably won't ever happen to me. "To… I…" It's hard to come up with these word… when talking about what I want. I'm… it's too nervous to say.
"Don't worry. Take your time." She assures me. I think about what I want to say… for who knows how long.
"Friends. Maybe a marefriend." Then I paused again… Sighs. "…I just want to be happy…" I think my voice cracked when I said that.
"Is that all?" For right now… in my life… I guess. I nodded, still looking down at the ground. "Okay." She brings her head a little closer to mind, a little uncomforting but… comforting. I guess what they say is true in some respect. They said that she was nice and kind. I can see why… they said those words, not out of fear. I think I heard giggling. "Now, what is it… that really scares you?"
"Many things…" I instantly answer, as I clenched my teeth. My anxiety was rising again. I don't really want to reveal this information… but considering it's the Princess… I don't know. "I…" Okay, I guess I should say why. "The… possible bullies that I always encounter… the pain that they could bring…" I trail off, trying so hard not to cry. It's hard not to… "…being lonely…" I then say, before being silent again.
"Hmm…" She then considers something, before continuing. "What is really most important to you?" Err… what is most important to me? I-I don't know. "Well, if you can't answer the question, what is something that you've always wanted?" One thing I've always wanted… friends. That's what I've always wanted. And I've been bullied and lonely from such a wish. And if I had it, it'd most likely be the most important thing to me in the world…
"…friendship…" I finally spat out, before looking back at the Princess, who had closer her eyes and nodded. I think she just indicated that she was done. Friendship… I've always wanted friends. I don't know if I will ever get any…
"If you trust me, Thomas," she interrupted me. "I promise you, you'll receive what you've been looking for very long soon. As of right now, I trust that you are responsible for the essential piece you hold."
"Responsible?" I focused my attention towards that word. What am I exactly responsible for? A flaming heart. Also… I don't think I have it in me to even be trusted with anything. Or to be responsible for. "Princess, I don't think you could trust me to be responsible with anything." I still state softly. "I just… nopony trusts me…"
Princess Celestia placed a warm hoof around my shoulder. "Don't worry," She spoke even softer than before. "I trust you. Spero te." She… spoke in 'porcus'? She- you trust me? "Yes, I do Thomas. This is why I told you that you need to believe in yourself…" I… guess that makes sense. "And don't worry, you will not be alone… Even if you think you may be alone in certain times, look back into your heart."
"How does a burning heart help my 'loneliness' problem?" I ask. How could it? I can't see any reason that it would. I only feel pain from my heart.
"Believe in me. It will in time. More answers to your questions will be answered in time, that I cannot answer right now." She stood up as if she was preparing to leave. "I must go now. Don't worry; we'll see each other again in no time."
I would… wait. She's leaving. I don't know where I would be in the forest. I don't want her presence to leave. "Wait, Princess!" I start shaking slowly in fear.
She looked back and then faced me, only releasing a motherly warm smile. "Don't be afraid." She placed a hoof on my chest, presumable where my heart is. "If I'm not with you outside, I will always be with you in here." W-what? You will? She will? Afterwards, she appeared to begin fading away. Actually, everything around me grew brighter, filling my vision with just pure white. "Now…go and help your friends…" F-Friends? What friends?
I wouldn't know if that question would ever get answered, as my vision was blinded in white.
View Online
Filly in the Woods (A Night to Remember, Part 3)
?
"That's all the strength that I have left."
"Can you see what's happening, sir?"
"Yes. He is learning."
"Do you think it will be enough, sir?"
"I… We will see. I've attempted to get the message over to him numerous times now. Visions of… a time that..." I couldn't finish that sentence, as much as I wanted to.
"Do you think that he can do it, sir?" My Commander was always loyal to me. He never turned on me, no matter what. He shall never be forgotten for his duties once his time passes…
"We can only hope that he can put the pieces together. For now, we shall wait. Until the time is right, that is. For now… we wait."
Thomas
The flash of white light had slowly faded away from my vision, as I was lying on the ground. I was knocked out? I wasn't near the cliff now, I was somewhere else in the forest. Alone. With nopony knowing, other than maybe the Princess, knowing where I am.
As I get up, I think about the many questions I wanted to ask the Princess. Why does she believe that I am special and important? I'm not special, and I've never been important to anypony… yet she thinks that I am special. S-Should I believe her? That I am special and important? I… What does she see in me? Why does… she even care about me? Why… She even cared about my own fate. She... wanted me to live. She has given me a reason.
Maybe I shouldn't question the mentality of the Princess, the ruler of Equestria. She must know a lot of things. Though… what would make me so special and important, that the Princess want me to believe in? I… She helped me with my nightmare… I should at least be thankful for that. And… I wasn't really that nervous around her, by the end. I… even trusted her. Another pony… that I actually trusted. And she was the ruler of a country…
This was all bizarre… and what was all that about f-friends? I have none. I'm lonely. I thought I told her that. What… friends do I even have? And who would want to be friends with me? How… I'm sorry, Princess. How am I supposed to believe that I am special and important when... I haven't done anything of worth? Ever.
"Ahhh!" I heard a faint scream… coming from some close distance. Well, I better go see who that pony was. I've… what else am I supposed to do. I can't go anywhere else… not that I know how to get out. I tried to listen carefully for the fainter crying that I now heard, walking cautiously towards it. I expected for some dangerous animals to jump out at me… but nothing. Just, crying.
I was lead to a small plain field in the middle of the forest, looking around and seeing nothing. This was where the sorrowful vocals were coming from, at least I think. There was nothing vaguely connected with the sound. Until… I spotted a small light blue tail moving from behind a tree. I even heard small sobbing sounds coming from the location as well.
Well… hesitantly, I stepped towards the tree, peaking around it slowly. I think this maybe a trap… but honestly I could care less right now. It… the source of the wailing was actually a small little filly… a pegasi. She had a light blue mane and tail, with a purple coat. She held her hooves to her eyes as tears slipped out, falling down her coat onto the grass. W-what… what is this foal doing out here? She… how did she get here in the first place, is my first question. Secondly… why was she even here? Is she… did she run away from home? Did she get lost in the forest? Was she chased by… some animal… that could be ne-nearby? No, push those thoughts out of your head.
She… was just a filly. I shouldn't be afraid of her… Why do I get the slightest feeling that this is a trap somehow? I… doesn't really matter. Just… are you afraid of a foal, Thomas? You… must be really pathetic. No. No! I'm not pathetic. If… the Princess can believe in me…
"Hey…" I held out a hoof towards her, attempting to comfort her. I feel immediately remorseful for her… which… I don't know. I guess it's a part of my personality. I'm kind, I guess. If I wasn't remorseful, I probably would have ignored her. She flinched when she heard a voice, lowering her right hoof ever so slightly to get a glance at me, before moving her hooves away from her eyes… her looking at me fearfully… that expression which I know very well. Past experiences… Um, how… do I help her… or, how do I start this…?
"Why are you doing out here all by yourself…?" I attempt, trying to not look like a threat. She hasn't screamed when she looked at me… so I'm getting somewhere. She really shouldn't be out here by herself.
In response, she sniffed as she tried to make out a few words, looking back down at the ground as she began to speak. "I'm l-lost…" She stuttered, wiping the tears from her eyes. It… was sad to see a foal cry like this… or at all for the matter. I feel sad for her. Foals shouldn't have to feel sorrow or bad in their foalhoods… like I went through. "C-ca-can… y-you…" She paused again, sniffing. "Can you take me home?" She looked up at me… with a cute face. If it weren't for the tears… Was she from Ponyville? I haven't seen her around… not that I have been around much… oh the memories… I didn't know where I was either… I could definitely not leave her here by herself. Is this place as bad as other ponies are saying it is to be?
"I… can try." I answered, stuttering as well. "Here… stay close with me, why don't you?" I offered softly, trying really hard not to startle the young one. She… seemed to be grateful that I am even here, offering her… safety I guess. She even managed to break out a small smile, as the tears that were once in her eyes mostly disappeared without a trace.
"Thank you." She said, as she moved closer towards me, being only inches away. She didn't seem that scared… only upset that she was lost. I nodded and gestured forward with my head, beginning to walk ahead to wherever this road leads us, as she accompanied me. Thankfully, she would be safe from danger.
Some time had passed since out first encounter, which had been mostly in silence. I would occasionally hear the breeze moving the leaves of the trees, or the occasional sniffling from the small filly beside me. She seemed… comfortable being near me. Which is surprising… nopony wants to be near me at all. The Princess doesn't count, even if she did. Everypony would usually spit on me, insult me, or beat me if I even make an attempt to make friends. Usually it would be all three in that order. But this was a small foal. Sure, she was a foal… but she didn't seem afraid or being near me, or even resenting me in some way…
"…thank you again… for helping me get home…" She then said, looking towards the floor for a moment while doing so, smiling as it looked like there were no more tears in sight. She… looked happy. Something which I probably won't ever feel. I doubt that I ever will.
"No worries…" I answered, though I think there are worries in being in this forest. Also, I lost count over how long we have been walking. We went in a few different directions, encountering nothing really. "A little filly like you shouldn't even be near this place…" Or in here in the first place, for the matter.
She didn't really respond for a few moments, only looking at the ground in silence as we kept walking. I wonder what even led her to be out here, hearing about the rumours. Something really frightening must have happened to the filly, for her to run away to the middle of… nowhere essentially. "Hey…" She caught my attention. "…want to hear some jokes?"
"Jokes?" I question with confusion, my eyes squinting a little. Well… she really doesn't seemed frightened at all, now that she is with me. She doesn't even looked distressed in anyway, now that I notice her expressions. She is smiling genuinely. Like she is happy for me to be here… If it weren't for the fact that we are in a dangerous forest… I'm not sure if she would care or not about me. Tartarus, I'm a complete stranger to her.
And… I don't really think this is the right place to tell jokes… even if it is to past the time. But… considering it looks like there will be no immediate threat that I can foresee or notice… "S-sure…" I answer, hesitantly.
"Oh!" She beamed for a moment, before looking down in thought. "Which flower talks the most?" I… don't know. Is this a joke or a real question? I shrugged. "Tulips, of course!" Tulips? W-what? I'm… I don't get this… logic. She must have seen my confused expression, before continuing. "Cause they have two lips!" Because Tulips have two… lips?
"Um…" I don't know if I actually get the joke or not. I don't think I do. Though, I don't want to upset the foal for not knowing… If I do even upset the filly at all. Other ponies would be harsh on me if I didn't understand them, which didn't matter as they would beat me- Get those thoughts out of your head! Push them away… "Okay." I say, uneasily.
"Oh…" She looked a little saddened, probably that I didn't get the joke. "Okay, how about this!" She beamed again. "Why was six afraid of seven?" Why was… I think I've heard of this joke before in school, some other ponies talking about the joke, while they laugh, also laughing at me at the same time…
I don't know if I should answer this… I can't exactly remember the answer anyways… or the supposed joke. "I-I don't know… why?"
"Because seven eight nine!" She said in excitement, before bursting into a laugh of giggles. Oh… I don't think I'll ever laugh. One small joke doesn't really make me happy. I don't see any reason for it. Even if this is a little filly…
"Oh." I try to act happy… which was kind of sad for me. I… don't want to think about this.
She noticed my unchanged expression, one of a sad and confused one, and frowned lightly. "I'm sorry. My jokes are bad, aren't they?" It looks like she is getting the wrong impression. I don't want her to feel bad… a small little filly hating me… like the rest. No, she seems like… a nice pony. An exception. Unlike the rest… I don't think she'll hate me, maybe dislike me… she would probably be upset. I don't want any foal to be sad…
"What?" I looked over to her. "No… It's just…" I paused and tried to think of what to say. I don't want to revel much, or anything at all here. She… maybe a foal but she still is a stranger. I don't see how a young filly would be able to help me. "I'm just not really a laughable pony…" I eventually answered, looking away in shame. Wish I could really trust somepony… the Princess wouldn't count.
"What do you mean by that?" She asked curiously, not sounding suspicious, just… curious.
I remained silent for a while. I… what should I say? No matter what I do say, things will remain awkward as it is. And I'm not a social pony… so I wouldn't know how to speak to ponies very well… other than the occasional answer. "It's complicated." I mustered, looking back at the foal, who looked a little worried at my expression. She just nodded and we kept walking, in silence.
We eventually made it to something, for once. A river in the middle of the path. It was fairly large, actually. I could make it if I was careful enough. The tide didn't look rough. We could make it across safely. No animals have been spotted around here. I begin to walk through, or across the river, when I suddenly heard a sob coming from behind me. I turn around to see the little filly quaking in fear. "What's wrong?" I ask.
"The water… it's a little high…" She answered very nervously, trembling slightly. "…and I don't like water too much…" She has a phobia of water? Wonder why? I glance back at the water, seeing as it could be a little too high for the filly, but it doesn't seem like much. She's scared of water…
I lifted up my right hoof and revealed it to her. "Don't worry… It's fine." I tried to comfort her as much as possible, which is hard due to my anxiety… But she is a filly. She has shown that she is nothing like a bully. "The water is not going to hurt you." She took a glance at the water for a second before looking back at the ground beside her, sucking in her lips fearfully. I sighed. We're not getting anywhere. And I'm slowly getting tired, and that's not a good thing. Actually… how can I be tired when all I really do is sleep? I… it's a thought for another time. Wait…
I halted and walked over beside her, lowering my back, sitting by her looking forward. "Get on." I say, as she looks at me with a puzzled expression.
"Huh?" She tilts her head as well.
"Get onto my back." I then clarify, hoping she would do as I softly say. "I'll take you across the water. You won't be afraid of it if you're on my back. It'll keep you safe." Though your only danger is your phobia. I doubt the tide of the stream is enough to affect her.
In a surprised manner, she gasped, beaming in excitement and relief. "R-Really?"
"Yes." I nod. She smiles from what I say, as she then jumps into my back. "We should hurry, though." I look up at the night sky, the moon staying exactly where it is. Or… did I just see it move? I think… It moved a tiny bit. I could feel the filly's body shake lightly as she lies on top of me, planting her hooves firmly around my neck, or my shoulders. I should release a few words of advice, so she is more confident than scared. Um… "Try not to look down. Keep your eyes up, towards the land over there. Or keep them closed. We'll get over there in no time." I try to say confidently. I don't know if it worked… but she stopped trembling, which is good.
"Okay." She responds in a muffled voice. Probably having her mouth in my coat or her hooves. I felt each small splash of water from the river as my hooves moves across the body of water. It didn't feel cold as I thought it would. It anything… it felt refreshing in a way. Now that I think about it, my heart hasn't been doing… anything. It hasn't raged at all since… I got out of my dream. Huh… I wonder why is isn't right now. And how does… the Princess know?
It didn't take long to get across, but the silence made it seem like a much longer time. The moon was still shining from above, my being able to see it's distorted reflection in the water. And… mine. I ignored that face in the water. I have other pressing matters to attend to.
We finally made it across after… a minute? I couldn't tell. I looked across at the filly, who moved her head up after noticing that I stopped moving. She made a sigh of relief. "It's safe now." I state, looking back at the river, the reflection being gone, but the moon's was still there, being clearer.
"Thank you so much…" She thanked, holding onto me tighter, as I assume she is… hugging me. A foal… was thankful for me. Another pony, for that matter. She must be a very kind foal, trusting random strangers like this. Only, she… well, she had no other… choice? Was I a threat to her? I… don't think so. It's best to get these thoughts out of my head.
I lowered myself for her to be able to jump off, but instead, she tugged me. "Actually…" She started off nervously. "Can I stay up here? It's more comfortable." She asked softly. I… don't see any problem with that. More comfortable? I'm… is my coat that soft? She must be tired…
"Alright. I don't mind." I say, looking back at the smiling foal. She hugs me even tighter… Humming in… delight. She's… happy in my presence. It… it may be forced… but, she is a foal… she is actually happy around me, as she attempts to move in a more comfortable position. She maybe be genuine… I don't know. The Princess wants be to trust other ponies… when they've been- all been so despicable to me? I… shouldn't judgement the Princess. I guess she knows what she is doing.
"Thank you so much!" She really does sound happy… Something that I can't ever feel… and probably won't ever. "Let's keep going!" She shouted enthusiastically. "I can feel home getting closer from here!" You… what? How? We are in the middle of the forest? You… live in the forest? I… doubt that. I released a very sincere confused look at her, where she is still smiling… cuddling me. I wish all ponies could be as kind as this little filly in the woods… though…
I didn't want to make her feel sad from what she is feeling right now, involuntarily. I just remained silent, with a lot of doubt at the very odd comment, and just continued walking, as she expressed joy in the form of an 'Hmm' sound. Walking… into the fog of the mossy trees everywhere. Still… why did she just say that she thinks were closer to her home?
A few minutes after first walking into the fog, which blocked some of my view but I still could have walked through 'fine' (why would dangerous animals pop out now?), where this new area was… tricky maybe. There was this old worn-down bridge that looks like it just been put back in place or something… above a giant pit. It was fully black down there, it was really deep. I… can't make out anything on the other side from here…
The bridge and the depth of the pit… I don't about this. This… kind of fears me. I may fall off the bridge, the bridge may s-snap at any point. I shudder at these thoughts… "There could be another way. Should we turn back?" The little filly suggested. Maybe we should… I studied the bridge and the area on the other side, as I remained silent for a few moments.
"I don't know. We might just get even more lost as it is…" Then again, going back wouldn't get us anywhere… I need to get over there…But, the bridge will collapse… But I need to get her home as quickly as possible…
"So… what do we do now?" My mind is telling me now to go… My mind was too cared of the drop below, and the bridge destroying under our weight… My hooves were also saying not to go, they are shaking uncontrollably… But then the Princess' words… my heart. My heart was… telling me to cross. She told me to believe in my heart… I… need to f-follow my h-heart… It's… she gave you hope. Why shouldn't I believe her words? Why would she lie?
"Let's go." I state, determined now. I could care less about whether we do drop or not. As long as this little filly is safe. I don't care.
Although, she seemed really surprised by my statement. "What? Are you sure you just don't want to turn back?" She sounds like she really cares for me… why? Sure, I'm protecting her… Nopony will ever be like this one… I'd be surprised if I ever meet another. Genuinely.
And… I and to face at least some of my fears… Some that I can actually conquer. I shake my head in refusal. "No. I don't want to be a coward, no more. I want to do anything I can to help for a good cause… that means get you safely back home." I gestured towards my back… before looking at the bridge ahead of me, hesitating. Do you really want to do this, Thomas? Y-yes…
Yes I do.
"Wow…" She expressed, pausing for a second before she decided to continue speaking. "You know… I believe in you…"
Yo-you… what? My eyes widen at those words, for good reason. She… somepony actually… believes in me…? Am… I must be dreaming right now. There's no way that she, or anypony, can believe in me. …Princess Celestia did. She told me to trust another pony. Now, a small pegasi filly believes in me… I… What do I say?
"…thank you…" I somehow muster. Somehow in some way… I felt like those words gave me… strength… that I can be confident in this choice. I slowly looked back at her, she was smiling even bigger now, maybe even… shedding a tear. I couldn't tell, it was too foggy. Still, even the danger we were about to go through, and she still is happy. Wish I was happy… confidence wouldn't make up for it. I nodded and turned around, glancing at the bridge before us.
I exhaled a heavy breath. Okay, you can do this. You have the strength to do so. For the little filly. I looked down at my hooves for a moment, as I placed my right one of the first wooden board. The bridge barely moved, which… was comforting. I felt the foal move as I kept taking steps onto the bridge, with it sway lightly. Cautiously, I kept moving over the boards, one hoof after another, as we were slowly making it.
Suddenly, the bridge swayed more violently now, as I clung on both of the ropes on the side, shaking in the fear of falling. I started to panic. The depth of the pit. How dark it is down there. How sturdy the bridge is. This was a bad idea. Now, it was bad. I shouldn't have gone through with this. No. No.
"Hey," She caught my attention, noticing how panicky I was getting, probably. "It's okay. It's okay." She stroked my mane. Is she… calming me down? She kept stroking while repeating those words. I… it was somewhat working. "Don't worry now, just don't look down." She then told me, making me look back at her. She was still smiling, only it looked like it was in the form of a comforting one. "I believe in you." She must be. I don't think she is lying. Her making a mall giggle also helped… calmed me. She must really see something inside of me. It makes me feel… better than I usually am. But not happy. Still…
"T-Thanks…" I nodded back at her as she then rubs her head into the back of my neck, doing my best to not look down. She really is taking this better than I am. At least she isn't feeling the same way… when I was her age… that I felt. This filly really is something… she's counting on me. The bridge stopped swaying now and returned to a semi-still state. I took another breath and sternly I kept walking across, being less-nervous than before as somepony… believes in me.
I was carefully progressing through this entire ordeal, eyeing the green grass on the other side. Seemed much safer than on this one. Instead of thinking about the deadly depths below me, I actually thought about my goal. I was doing it. I was winning… somehow. My confidence actually paid off with something. I continued mentally encouraging myself by realizing how closer I was getting and that I would be there in… no time.
I've never felt like this before, not that I can remember. I feel better, most definitely, than this morning when I was sulking in fear, or dreading. Now, I feel more relaxed as I feel this confident. Is this what it feels like? Feels… feels… I… don't know… I wouldn't know how it feels. This is a new thing for me.
"You're almost there!" She shouted out in joy, as I was at the last few boards now. I released a light breath as I continued stepping forward… having some hope inside of me that wants me to push forwards. Maybe it was my heart… it wasn't burning, ever since I saw the filly… I wonder why…?
The grass felt very soft and… maybe comforting as I touched my hooves onto it. The creeks from the bridge weren't heard anymore. I felt much calmer. I… actually won. I fought against a fear, and won. Wow… so this is what real success feels like… overcoming the odds… of walking over a bridge. Damn. Somehow I always manage to dampen myself, my own feelings. I may have felt good there… but what does 'good' feel like?
"Yay! You did it!" The little filly exclaimed, jumping off my back now, going up and down in joy. I sighed in relief. Walking across the bridge was over now… The fog was also starting to clear up, as I could make… out some sort of ruins… wait. It looks more… like the ruins of a castle. An ancient-like castle, to be exact. Wait… wasn't this the castle the lavender unicorn was talking about?
No, must be a coincidence. "Yeah…" I return to the filly, distracted for a moment. It couldn't be the castle they were talking about. Could it? Actually… here's something to think about. I never really got the young filly's name. I wonder why I never thought about it till now… "Hey, filly." I call out to her, who stopped jumping up and down excitedly. "What is your name?"
"My name?" She asks, tilting her head. I nod in response. "My name…" Now she pauses, looking away for a moment. I hear her mutter something that I could barely hear. I raise an eyebrow. Is this foal ashamed of her name too?
"Hey, hey," I attempt to comfort the pegasi, placing my left hoof on her right shoulder. "It's alright… You don't have to tell me." She was shaking in fear. She must really be scared of her name…
"It's Amy." She then suddenly said, making me spin around in surprise. Her name was… "My name is Amy." Amy… It's kind of like mine. Different from the rest. It… her name didn't actually match her personality, of being kind and such. It was an outcast name. I knew the feeling of why she would be ashamed… She then got over her sadness, before asking a question. "Please… could you not tell anypony…?" Amy asked quietly.
"Sure, I promise." I state before receiving another hug, with her attitude changing from sadness to happiness pretty quickly… and oddly.
"Thank you!" She then pulled back after half a second, while I was frozen in place from her actions. She… really is something. I think my heart… "Don't worry now! We're here!" We're here? Here as in where? We are at the ruins of an ancient castle… This isn't your home… is it?
"Um…" I didn't know what to say. She… is really confusing. But still better than the pink mare. They are kind of similar in some aspects, which I'd rather forget. The pink mare wouldn't leave me alone… "Yeah…" I shook my head, attempting to compose myself. "We still need to get you home. And I don't think-
She then cut me off. "What? No! This is home!" W-What? I'm really puzzled now. How… how is this your home? A castle in the middle of a supposed 'dangerous' forest. "Don't worry…" She then walked up to me, when I noticed she was getting a little teary. "We'll meet again one day, Thomas. You will get your answers then…" W-what!? How does she know my name!? I didn't even tell her… Is this some game that I'm not aware of? "Thank you, again…" She then said before…
Everything starting flashing white again. I think I heard her say something, before my vision was covered in this bright light. Ow! I can't see…
"If I may ask, sir? What will happen if your plan backfires? I mean… some things may not go according to plan… and he may go…"
"Insane? Crazy? I doubt that he will. And I hope that he won't. If some things go off track… Then we may have to resort…" To something that I would only do if necessary. 'Plan D.'"
"'P-P-Pl-Plan D-D'!? N-No- S-Sir! I-I wouldn't go-
"I'm aware of the negatives of the Plan, Commander. The Captains and I have agreed that Plan D will be in effect if my main plans don't work. It is our fall-back plan. Ever since Operation Silent Bloodhound, I'm been informed that things… let's say, they will go our way.".
"How much longer do we have to wait?"
"A long time. But soon enough, Commander. We shall wait until then."
A star
A moon without a picture
A planet
"It is only a matter of when and how. Only a matter of time…"
View Online
Start of the Line (A Night to Remember, Part 4)
I must have entirely backed out after that flash of white light that came out of nowhere, again. Because now I am lying on the floor, dazed, as my vision was blurry and everything was ringing. Ow… my head hurts.
But… that small filly. She… How does she even know my name? I have never told anypony, I mean anypony before. Ponies that do know my name knew it naturally (Ms. Leadbutter reading the tag on my basket, and the Princess… being the Princess, I guess), and yet… she knows my name. Something… feels wrong here. Like, she felt naturally nice to me. Like I didn’t need to be scared or feared around her… like we’ve known each other for a long, long time now. I’ve never met, or seen, this filly before. How does she know my name…?
And why does she call this place home. Now that I get up and look around, she is nowhere to be seen. She isn’t even here, now. Was… she just a hallucination? No. She couldn’t be. I felt her, I felt her presence on my back. She is real. How can she not be? She was there! I… The words of the Princess. Believe in your heart. What does that mean? Actually, my heart hasn’t been raging one bit while I’ve been near that little girl… It’s been perfectly fine. Since… since ever.
And she also stated that she would see me soon… Why would she say that? Are we… going to meet again? I don’t know… my head hurts now. I can’t think s-straight. I better get off the topic… ‘You will get your answers then’. I guess I will meet her soon… Only why is she so special right now?
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when another huge flash of light cane from the ancient ruins in the distance, and thankfully not in front of me. Also, what’s with the sudden white-outs that I’ve been having? I’m lucky I don’t go blind. The ruins of the ancient castle… this is the place those six mares were going on their quest. To… stop Nightmare Moon, I think. Should… should I help them.
I want to. My heart wants me to. But… the fact that there is the two pegasi and the pink mare will also be there. I don’t ever want to see them again. But… I want to save the others from being harmed.
Don’t worry, Thomas. Go save your friends… Why do you say that? They aren’t my friends… Ignore your mind for now. Listen to me. Listen to your heart. My heart. I should listen to my heart… Whether you believe it or not, your heart is special. Now go! Quickly! You don’t have much time left! I… my heart is special in some way? Well, if you’re going through all this effort to try and convey me… then there are somethings that I should believe in… I ran towards the sight of the ruins. My heart, tell me what to do.
I kept seeing this continuous flashing and explosions coming from somewhere in the castle. They weren’t in the front room when I ran through the doors. Although, there was this strange platform-thing in front of me that looked like it used to hold six orbs… I don’t know what to think of that right now, as I’m in a hurry. I looked outside a cracked window to see the source of all the commotion, see an Alicorn shout something, while somepony else was staring at them that I couldn’t make out form here. They must be there! Where else could they be, really?
In a dash, I took off down a corridor to chase after them. I’ve… never felt like this… to do something like this. To… help them. The need of helping another pony. Like I could stand up to one… Is my heart telling me this?
“You think you can destroy The Elements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Elements of Harmony are right here.” I heard somepony yell faintly, as I was panting after running down several corridors that all look ruined and old, filled with cobwebs and the like.
“What?” I heard the demand, I think, of Nightmare Moon’s voice, as I stop just before the corridor entrance to the room that they were in. I didn’t want to just charge in there. I’d be very crazy. Also… I don’t want anypony to spot me. Mainly the two pegasi mares… and Nightmare Moon. They would probably focus their attack onto me, though I wouldn’t be surprised. I took a peak from around the corner, noticing the six mares on one side with the larger Alicorn to my left, look astonished and surprised. The Elements of Harmony are actually real? Huh…
The lavender unicorn then spoke out towards Nightmare Moon. “Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... Honesty!" Apparently these crystals began to surround the country mare, and slowly began to surround the others as well as the lavender unicorn announced her.
I saw her… the cyan pegasi. She looked determined over anything… like she felt pride in over something… probably pride. Until she locked eyes with me. Those magenta eyes, staring at me. Not with anger or fury, not glaring at me. Just… staring. She looked kind of shocked that I was even here. She didn’t even seem angry. She just stared. It looked like she mouthed ‘You’ at me, though I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t flinch and instantly hid behind the corner as I would have done… something about this, maybe her… made… me stare at her.
"Fluttershy, who tamed the Manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... Kindness!" Her? Kindness!? Are you kidding me!? She is far from kind. She is deceiving, mean, like any other bully. And… she, she is the kind pony!? I couldn’t help but stare at the yellow pegasi with a lot of shock. She couldn’t be the kind pony… The lavender unicorn must have gotten something wrong. The cyan mare must have looked at where my gaze was, and my expression, and… yeah. There’s the angry glare that… wasn’t present before. Why wasn’t she angry? I doubt she’d have a change of heart…
Though really, I have no idea what’s going on. Only this is maybe something about the ‘Elements of Harmony’. But in my opinion, I highly doubt that the yellow pegasi is the kind one. Only when I gazed at her with disbelief was when the rainbow mare decided to, once again, hate me for it. They must be really close friends… Only… something about the yellow mare seemed… different.
She didn’t seem angry or full of hatred like… our last encounter. She seemed… more shy than anything. Her mane was now over her eyes… in a shyness-like fashion. And what’s odd is… it doesn’t seem like an act. It seemed genuine… must be the ‘Element’ of hers… whatever that means. Maybe the shape of her cutie-mark… which was completely the opposite of her personality. I mean, it’s a bunch of butterflies. They have nothing in common with bullies. Not that I know of, at least…
“Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirits of… Laughter!” Laughter? She’s more annoying than anything… The pink mare began hopping up and down cheerfully as crystals began to surround her, excitedly. I don’t know about that pony…
“Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift represents the spirit of... Generosity!" Generosity? Well, I never personally met this mare… only that she helped pulled that crazy pegasi off of me. I… don’t see how that was generous.
I notice that the… yellow pegasi also noticed my presence. She froze on locking my eyes with me. I refused to go cowardice and hid behind the corner. I looked at her as well, hesitantly, though confidently. She… looked scared. Fearful of me. She was shaking… that looked uncontrollable and sincere. This… didn’t look like acting to me. Was… she really afraid of me? She just stared at me with fear… and guilt. It was genuine guilt. I could kind of tell, because her eyes were starting to become teary. Apparently ponies are truly feel guilty when they cry…
“And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of… Loyalty!” Well she is loyal to her friend… backing her up when I didn’t even do anything.
Twilight added, continuing to talk to Nightmare Moon. "The spirits of these five ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us.” Challenges? What… challenges did they have to go through? I don’t know… Did… No. The thought would be crazy. As if… Though, why am I here? It doesn’t look like they need my help right now…
"You still don't have the sixth Element!" Nightmare Moon brought up, sounding desperate, like she knew she was being defeated. Not looking hopeful about her… predicament I guess. She knows that she is losing or something? "The spark didn't work!" Although I’m at a loss of what everything’s happening, I can tell that something was wrong… All that is happening is yelling and crystals forming around the five mares over there. Two of which are looking back and forth between me and the large Alicorn at different times. One in anger (or revenge, I can’t exactly tell) and the other in… fear.
It’s still hard to believe. I doubt that she really is… but something. Something in my heart… wants me to forgive these ponies… I don’t know why. But… something feels like she is nicer than first expected… How should I trust ponies who bullied me? How in the Tartarus can they be my friend? Well… Listen to your heart. I… I don’t…
“But it did! A different kind of spark!” I heard the lavender unicorn yell out, while I was facing the ground over a serious choice. Why should I listen to my heart in this case? Because if you really trust me, then you’d listen to your heart. I… guess. If you have been correct this entire time… then my heart must have something inside of it. Most likely nothing special…
By this time, the lavender unicorn had been facing her friends as I blanked out for a moment. “…to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all... are my friends!" Well, she isn’t rubbing it in me directly. Though it did cause a pang that harmed me inside. It hurts… reminding me that I am lonely. Reminding me of all the pain that I had to endure during all those years… Reminding me that I don’t have any friends…
At least her speech was sort of nice… as least she is happy. And I’m not…
Suddenly, a flash appeared above her, with a sphere with some symbol on top of it. “You see, Nightmare Moon, when those Elements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the element of... magic!" Magic… I wouldn’t have any clue. I noticed once she had done stating this, the sphere flashed brightly that blinded me for a moment. Once it dimmed a little, I was able to see these… new accessories.
The five mares wore these golden necklaces while the lavender unicorn wore a crown instead. They had their cutie-marks on them as well… they looked like they were some great power. Guess the Elements of Harmony are actually real, which surprised me. Nightmare Moon began panicking slightly. I noticed that her colour seemed to grey a little… Wait, was she about to be defeated? They began levitating in the air, which kind of intimidated me… They did it without me… I was of no use… I didn’t help in anyway…
What was the point of me even being here? I did nothing but watch as these six ponies have these golden accessories that were about to defeat this Alicorn with a plan which, in my opinion, wasn’t thought through. But considering the fact she had a lot of time to plan… she must have not seen this coming. Though how did she not? I thought she would have been smarter than that. Still… I was useless in this. I didn’t do anything. I just watched from the sidelines. At least I wasn’t being beaten into the ground. But… there was no point in me being here. I slowly turned around and began to walk away gloomily. I really am worthless...
*THUD*
What? I suddenly swerve around and see that the six mares had fallen harshly to the ground, the lights from their… Elements disappearing. Their power was gone and it look like the necklaces and crown were drained of colour. The mares were shocked and confused, which I was too… wait. No.
“Huh!? No! It should have worked!” The lavender unicorn reacted to their sudden and much unexpected failure. Which means… Nightmare Moon wasn’t going to be defeated. No, this isn’t good… And she is laughing loudly and manically… Oh no…
“How foolish you all really are that you think you can beat me! Nightmare Moon! The long-awaited Queen of Equestria! You think you have all the elements…” She started walking up to the mares who were sitting on the ground, attempting to back away in… fear. They were scared… The lavender unicorn looked towards the ground, trying to make sense of the situation.
“No! We do! We did all of our research! We have all the elements we need! It said in the book…” She trailed off, with disbelief shown all over her face. She couldn’t believe that she had been beaten, by the looks of it… That book lied to her? I noticed that the cyan pegasi was now looking at me… again. I didn’t pay attention to her expression, one most likely filled with shock and directed anger at me… probably for my presence here.
Nightmare Moon shook her head, smiling evilly knowing that she was now winning probably, and continued chuckling. "Do you know who writes your 'research'? Average little ponies! And average little ponies wouldn't know the one little element that you missing, and who bears it.” What does… that supposed to mean? “This element… has only been known by a couple of royal sisters…” A couple of royal sisters… The mares were attempting to get away, but then were frozen when an aura was created round them. “But it all won't matter! You've all failed! And wasted my time…” She muttered that last part under her breath, which I barely made out. “Your futile attempts won't stop this everlasting night!" Did I mention how badly thought-out that plan was? Because… how does it benefit her…?
I then noticed that Nightmare Moon was the pony who was creating this aura. It… went around the mares’ necks… They were being lifted up into the air… by their necks. They’re going to be choked to death… They were beginning to struggle to free themselves… only they were failing. They can’t escape… “Now, I’m going to make sure that none of you ever intrude on my plans ever again!"
My heart was racing now… was I hyperventilating? Maybe, I’m beginning to panic again. W-What do I do? I… want to save them from death… My body was frozen still. I can’t think straight. I can’t move at all… What do I do…? I feel guilty… I’m going to cause the death of six mares… The yellow and cyan pegasi… they look at me… with pleading eyes. They want my help. Mine. They need me right all. All six of them…
They don’t deserve this for what they’ve done to me… if anything… I may not be thinking straight…
Listen to your heart. What does my heart say? Save those ponies… And… and… forgive. Forgive them. Why should I forgive them? They… are bullies. Plain and complex. How… can I forgive them, heart? But… no. I don’t need to focus on this anymore… I knew what to do. Save them.
…but how? I’m… I believe in you. Not a coward. I need to go help them… But how? I don’t know… I’m not anything special. I can’t believe… A seventh element… no. No.
I can’t be the seventh element. Doesn’t matter whatever the Tartarus it is… I can’t think straight right now. With a deep breath, I slipped out from behind the corner from the corridor, and ran quickly in there. I ran straight at Nightmare Moon as she was too distracted to notice me. I think the other mares, side from the pegasi, didn’t notice me as they had their eyes closed, trying to free themselves. I pushed away the any distractions and fears, caring less about whether or not the mares would even care for me. That doesn’t matter.
Without thinking things through, quite stupidly, I ran head-first into the side of the Alicorn, knocking her over several steps away from me, causing the spell to be interrupted. The mares then fell back to the floor again, maybe even knocked out. She made a small grunt before shaking her head, with a furious expression… “What is the meaning of this!?” She demanded, getting straight back up and shooting a death glare at me. I stood my ground and didn’t even flinch, though naturally I nearly did. And couldn’t return any words… I didn’t think this through, did I?
“You!” She stated with venom, getting angrier by the second… “I thought I had disposed of you! You should be in an eternal slumber!” T-That was her plan? She seemed to shake her head and clamed herself down, looking more sinister than before. “No matter. You cannot defeat me, anyways. You even dared to challenge me?” She then questioned quite angrily, making me flinch slightly. I… didn’t know what to say to that. Well… I can’t find the right words.
I looked away for a moment, to see… Rainbow Dash looking at me. Even she was in disbelief at the scene in front of her. She looked shocked and… relieved. The other mares were struggling to come to, only the cyan pegasi looked at me. Most likely me saving her. Me saving a bully. It doesn’t matter right now. I looked down at the ground for a moment… trying to muster strength to say… anything.
“Speak runt! Or forever hold your peace…” She insulted. She didn’t act like this before. But I guess a… lot is on the line right now. I was bitting my bottom lip very tightly. I was… afraid to reveal my answer. The fears were rushing back in. The opinions of the other mares who were probably coming watching this now. What they were thinking… what they cared about…
No. Push those thoughts away. They don’t mean… anything to me. They mean nothing. “Well!? Can you not speak!?” She then demanded, slowly moving closer towards me, as I… tried to come up with something… I… Listen to your heart. Do not worry, if you really trust me. Okay… Okay…
“I’m here…” I took a small glance back at the cyan pegasi, looking at me with… a sorrowful expression. I looked at her, while trying to come up with something… “I’m here to save my friends…” I then answer, kind of quietly, to the surprise of the pegasi… and pretty much the rest of them. I even see Fluttershy’s jaw drop a little, along with… Pinkie’s jaw uncharacteristically. Applejack and Rarity blinked while… Twilight was analysing me?
Nightmare Moon began chuckling as if it was nothing. “You? Hahaha! Surely you cannot bet the one who bears the pure heart.” W-what…? Pure heart…? The Tartarus does that mean… Wait. The words she spoke to me…
“This is why I told you that you need to believe in yourself… Even if you think you may be alone in certain times, look back into your heart.” Did… she must have seen something special, even if I am that sceptical… I’m the… I can’t be. No, it can’t be me. How can it…
Am I the Seventh Element?
Nightmare Moon kept chuckling to herself. “Preposterous! As if anypony like you could be special. A pony like you can’t bear such power!” She claimed, looking… confident in her own words. Believe in yourself. She was always trying to make me believe that I am something special, that I should believe in my heart… It could be… Could it? Okay… Just believe in yourself… Jut believe in yourself… You can do this… You can help them. You can help them!
“You’re wrong.” I return, looking back up at the Alicorn, who froze at my words. “I do hold it.” Even if I can’t believe it. “I can help them.”
She blinked for a moment before shaking her head, becoming angry again. “Enough of you, runt! Stop wasting my time! Be gone with you!” She shouted before focusing her horn… at me. She was going to attack me. And I couldn’t move. Oh jeez. Oh no… She powered her horn, before shooting a charge at me. I think I heard a faint yell… as everything slowed down for a minute, as I looked away, bracing…
…and nothing happened. I’m confused. I open my right eye, to catch a glimpse of Nightmare Moon looking at me with horror… afraid of me? The Tartarus? Am I immune to magic…? No, something must be wrong… Actually, she was staring at my chest. I looked down… to see that there was this glow… coming from my heart. W-What? My heart was racing again… The- What?
“It’s you…” I swear I heard Twilight mutter. “You’re the seventh element!” I really am… I’m actually… an element? I couldn’t be… but I am. No wonder Princess Celestia believed in me… She thought I was special for a reason… I’m the… Pure-Hearted bearer… Okay. Why does my head hurt all of a sudden?
“No! It can’t… This cannot be! My plans cannot fail now!” The Alicorn released fearfully again, backing off from me. W-What is happening right now!?
"Quick! Everypony, get your elements together!" Twilight exclaimed as I looked back to see the other mares getting ready again. Rainbow Dash… looked at me with… I can’t tell really. Her eyes were slightly narrowed. She was most likely trying to figure why I helped her and Fluttershy after they had been so nasty towards me.
I walked to the right of her for some reason, as she attached her necklace back on. I kind of froze when she got closer towards me. “You better explain yourself once this is over!” She demanded in a low, quiet voice so that nopony can hear her other than me… “But…” She then pause, making me look at her after looking at the ground. She then… embraced me? “Thank you…” She spoke softly…? She held me for a second before pulling back and joining the others… I can’t think about it right now, though I really should…
I looked back to see the other girls begin levitating in the air, again. The glow in my chest grew brighter as I was slowly levitating alongside with them. I’m… special. Time froze for a moment when a my own colour shot about of my chest… forming a rainbow colour that shot out from all seven of us… where it went up into the air before shooting towards Nightmare Moon…
“What!? No! NO! It wasn’t supposed to be like this! NO!” She shouted aloud, fearfully, refusing to accept her fate of being defeated as the elements’ colours surround her… She couldn’t do anything… Wait. Were we killing her!? “NOOoooo…!” Then, everything suddenly flashed white once more, knocking me out…
?
“What!? No! He cannot be… Dammit!” I shouted in a fit of rage. Dammit! He can’t be the element… Tartarus, dammit! My plans… I have to wait longer…
No matter. We can hold out. I can delay my plans further for a short amount of time. It could be much, much longer. Depending on the situations that he will be lead in, if any. I soon will lead. Only… a minor setback. It better be minor…
Thomas
I woke up from the bright light again, noticing that I was lying on the cold, hard ground. Nothing surprisingly hurt, and my heart wasn’t doing anything now. I couldn’t feel anything. Was it over? It must be. Everything feels… calm now. I couldn’t hear any murmuring… And I feel… comfortable. Like… somepony is lying… on top of me. Ugh. Must be nothing.
I… don’t know what to think about the events of what just happened. I think I can make out a few. I think I forgave the pegasi mares that haven’t treated… me well. Now that I think about it, they actually were one of the better ones. They didn’t land any punches on me, but only really shoved me down to the ground, and yelled insults… I don’t know what I did to make them lead to that kind of behaviour, though I’ve never really known throughout my life. But I forgave them.
I’m apparently the seventh element. The pony who bares the ‘Pure-Heart’. I guess that’s why Princess Celestia saw something inside of me, she saw that I… have a pure heart. What could that exactly mean? To let bygones be bygones? I guess… I’d never hold grudges against another pony, no matter how nasty they have been. Though I doubt the sincerity of the apologised that the pegasi may make. I saved their lives, along with the other four.
Come to think of it, the country mare, Applejack I think her name was… never treated be badly at all. Must have been the paranoia that I had come across. She never spoke a bad word towards me… I never really met the white mare unicorn, so I couldn’t judge her on anything… The pink mare, Pinkie Pie, only really annoyed me to no end. She didn’t hurt me physically, I don’t think socially anyways… And why does the lavender unicorn, was her name Twilight? Whatever it is, I really think I remember her from somewhere… I can’t place my hoof on where.
And I would really like to know who that small filly was from the woods. And the fact that she appeared after I had woken up from my ‘dream’, after my… conversation with the Princess. Who was she? And why did she say that we’ll meet again one day? Ugh… so many things to think about.
Going back to the Princess… I guess I can really trust her now, if I didn’t really before. She actually saw something special inside of me, that was true and not a lie. She… believed in me. And for good reason. I’m an element… of harmony. I am actually something in this world. For the greater good, I guess. She really gave me a reason to live.
We stopped an Alicorn from her plans for eternal night, which I still think is stupid. But… at least these mares are safe from danger. That’s what matters. And I would save my life for them, or really anypony, even… if they have been a bully in the past to me. I guess that’s the pure heart talking. Their lives probably are more important than mine…
I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of the building, surprisingly still intact. I thought there would be a hole in the ceiling and rubble around the area. Maybe even on top of me… There was actually light coming from the right of me, probably through the broken windows, or maybe a hole or something…
Why do I feel like something comfy is lying on me…? I look to my left, where I feel like something was on me, though I don’t know… why.
Rainbow Dash was lying on top of me unconsciously… Oh geez… what would she think when she wakes up? She would probably blame be for being… odd I guess. Even though she was lying, or rather cuddling maybe, me. I was afraid to move for good reason. She will wake up and blame me. She would get angry at me again. Even after Nightmare Moon was defeated…
Is she dead? Did… we j-just c-committed mu-mur-rd-murder? Okay, ignore the thought. No, she isn’t dead. Just… not here. Teleported. You don’t know yet. You only woke up…
I hear Dash moan… pleasantly? She adjust herself so that she was in a more comfortable position for herself, leaving me in an awkward position as I tried to… get up. I eventually sat on my rear after what seemed liked hours, Dash still clinging my foreleg. I don’t want to wake up, for another misunderstanding that I will inevitably suffer for and… Yeah. Though… It kind of… felt comfy… As odd as it sounds, it was true…
“Ugh, my head.” I froze, hearing those words coming from… the mare lying on my shoulder. Hesitantly, I move my head towards the groggy cyan pegasi, who was rubbing her head with her left hoof and trying to get up with her right. Before opening her eyes…
Her crimson coloured eyes were looking at me now, as I was unable to move. I blinked a few times to process this. This is real. Oh no… I w-wonder what she could be thinking right now. Probably anger and contempt… I could say something. Though that may aggravate her even more… “H-Hi?” I attempted uneasily to… start conversing. Most likely explaining myself. I was lightly shaking, that I just now realised. It’s scary when another pony is… well, lying on me.
And before I knew, she pinned me down to the cold floor again, where I noticed her necklace was still on her. “Okay,” She started, adopting some angry expression, that made me flinched lightly. “You’ve got some explaining to do.” She is reading my thoughts. She must be. Though, her words sounded like a demand.
“Yeah, I know.” I weakly say, with no point in fighting back. I can’t out… muscle her. I’m not a fighter. Too many times that statement has been proven, to my pain. She blinked when I said that, before shaking her head really quickly. I hesitated telling her to get off me… She might become even scarier… But there isn’t really anything to lose… “Could you… please get off me…?” I ask kind of quietly. Don’t punch me. Don’t punch me. Don’t punch me…
“Y-yeah, sure.” She surprisingly said, actually… listening to me. She got up from pinning both of my hooves down and began floating in the air next to me. I got up rather slowly, noticing the sights of this place. It looked slightly worse than what it did before we all were knocked out. I had gotten up on all four hooves when I saw that the other mares were also knocked out with their necklaces still on, and a crown lying on the floor next to Twilight.
“Now,” She began, getting my attention. “Who are you?”
“I’d… rather not say.” I can’t fully trust her. How could I fully trust her? Well… I don’t want to tell anypony about my name. Its better that they don’t know… And as if she would care about my life… Why would I share my life story to her? She would probably use this to her own advantage against me… Must be the paranoia kicking in again.
“Why not?” She said with a slightly threatening tone. Why is she so curious to know about… my life? She could have asked questions about why I am here… but instead she asks over who I am… a lonely loser that is… something special that is debatable.
“How do I know that you won’t bully me again?” I retort, getting slightly frustrated from her ‘demands’ of her questions. I want her to give me reasons to trust her. Sure, I forgive her. I don’t think we’ll go beyond that…
She seemed to be taken aback by that question and paused, looking over in thought, before adopting some mildly-frustrated expression. Then she muttered something that I just managed to hear. “I didn’t bully you…”
“Really? How about when you pushed me down to the ground and yelled insults directly in my face!” I started to seethe in anger, moving towards the crazy pegasi.
“Well why did you bully Fluttershy then?” What. This… I’m getting really mad now, angrier than her.
“I did not bully Fluttershy.” I spoke, gritting my teeth. She looked like she was backing off. “She pushed me. She attacked me. She threatened me. I didn’t do anything.” Calm yourself. Don’t get angry. This will get you nowhere. No matter… I don’t know. I locked sternly into her eyes, with her looking away from the stare in thought…
“H-how…” She tried to start, but trailed off… unable to argue with anything. Why did she even attack me in the first place…? “Oh.” She looked down at the ground for a few moments, while I was taking several breaths. Don’t get mad. “But…” Is she in a conflict with herself? She was moving back and forth in the air, flapping those wings… I’ll never have wings. Or a horn. I’ll always be a plain earth pony…
“Ugh…” I heard moaning coming from the left of us, seeing the other ponies slowly wake up. “Is everypony okay?” I heard the southern-drawl coming from Applejack, as she was rubbing her head. The others were slightly moaning as they came to, while Rainbow Dash looked… disappointed over something, before noticing her necklace. She had... it was probably nothing.
“Oh, thank goodness.” I heard the white unicorn say in an elegant-upper class kind of accent, getting up and tried to fix her mane which was slightly messy, but the purple mane looked very stylish and… fashionable. I don’t think I would ever style my worthless mane like that… It looks out of style for me anyways…
Then I saw the yellow pegasi also get up… looking towards the white mare. I don’t know if I am truly afraid of her… but I know that I will have to confront her sometime soon, if I am not forced to… “Why Rarity, it’s so lovely.” She stated, with a calm voice that… wasn’t like the one I heard. She looked… kind of beautiful, though I don’t really know what beautiful is. I think I’m still startled by her presence…
“I know!” The white mare now known as Rarity expressed. “I’ll never part with it again!” She then stroked her mane back into some position. I noticed that Rainbow Dash was looking rather uneasily for some reason. She was looking down at the ground… looking sad about something. Then she caught my gaze and suddenly shook her head, prodding the necklace around her. What was that?
“No. Your necklace. It looks just like your cutie mark.” She pointed a hoof at the necklace around her, as I tried not to flinch whenever she moves. I don’t… I’m still paranoid that she will attack me once she sees me… though she looked really guilty and sad once she saw me before… I don’t know. But I think I will have no choice but to find out eventually…
“What? Oh! So does yours.” Then they both gasped and looked amazed at their own necklaces… they were the elements I think. Though I was lost during most of what happened. But I knew that I saved these mares from death. And that’s all that matters. I even sacrificed my own life for them… I think. It payed off.
"Look at mine! Look at mine!" I heard the pink mare- sorry, Pinkie Pie express, as she jumped up and down excitedly and cheerily. I didn’t… really feel the same way, exactly. They each got a good necklace with a ruby the shape of their cutie marks imbedded in them, while my element is my own heart. Which has been burning up inside of me ever since I can remember… And now… It’s a peace. At least for now, but it’s better than nothing.
"Aw yeah." I then heard Rainbow Dash express looking at her own, but I think it was forced, almost. It didn’t sound as sincere as the- Pinkie Pie. I couldn’t help but feel sad for some reason… how do I know that these ponies won’t eve betray me in the future?
Well, come to think of it… I did say… that I was their friend. I did, didn’t I? I don’t know why I even did… I barely know these mares, and I’m on a bitter relationship with half of them… the other half I don’t even know… Yet I still call them my friend… Princess Celestia told me to go save my ‘friends’ even though I had no idea who she was referring to… I don’t think even she can cure my social anxiety… these mares would probably dump me the first chance they even get…
I can’t get rid of these thoughts, no matter what I do. I look down at the ground as they admire and fascinate their newfound… gold? I don’t know… They probably value it more than me… I don’t know if I just wanted to get away from them as possible… But I need to confront my fears… eventually…
"You okay there, sugarcube?" Applejack spoke, making me flinch as she came out of nowhere. She must have seen my sad self, looking down at the ground. Though why she cares…? I was hesitant in silence, not knowing where this could be led. Fluttershy was looking at me now, shocked as I am. In fact, they all are… All eyes are on my now… This is scary all of a sudden…
What should I say? What should I do? Should… I explain myself? This is getting even more uncomfortable as every silent second ticks on…
“Why in Equestria are you here?” Rarity ends the awkward silence for a moment. Should I even answer that question? I know what really happened, but why would they believe me? That Princess Celestia guided me after I was… attacked by Nightmare Moon. Not to mention the suicide thing… They would probably bully me to no end…
“Um…” I started, before trailing off and looking down. I didn’t really know what to say that wouldn’t ridicule me…
“Why did you save us…?” I heard a very, very faint voice ask, coming from… Fluttershy. She was hiding behind her mane as I now observed her again. Even she looked away, maybe in shame, from asking the question…
“And how is it that you seem familiar to me…?” I then hear Twilight inquire, who was staring at me curiously. This… at least they weren’t beating me and threatening me yet. Though they haven’t shown any red flags that I can spot… Why is it that Twilight does seem familiar to me…? Even she is having the same thought…
“Gee, Twilight!” I hear Applejack directing the conversation now, as I remained silent and didn’t answer anything. She must have noticed my discomfort… “I thought you were just spoutin' a lot of hooey, but I reckon we really do represent the elements of friendship.” At least I wasn’t the main attraction now. Elements of friendship…? A pure heart is an important element of friendship… I guess it does…
“Indeed you do.” A sudden familiar voice intrudes out of nowhere… along with some light appearing from next to us. It was… surprisingly it was revealed to be Princess Celestia… Was she there the entire time? Everypony gasped as the leader appeared, and proceeded to bowed in her honour.
Twilight instead trotted towards her, as I stood still quickly moving to the side, just… watching. I don’t know if I should bow… "Princess Celestia!” She shouted in joy, as she was greeted warmly by the Princess.
"Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student. I knew you could do it.” She assured her over… getting the elements in the first place, I guess.
"But... you told me it was all an old pony tale." She then brought up, as the other mares made their way over to them, where I could see… Nightmare Moon lying on the ground? No… it wasn’t her. It is a smaller version of her. Her colours looked more… weak than a usual pony. She also was smaller in size, and her armour was… different in some way. It just looked different…
“I told you that you needed to make some friends, nothing more.” Is that why Twilight was even there at the ceremony back in Ponyville? "I saw the signs of Nightmare Moon's return and I knew it was you who had the magic inside to defeat her, but you could not unleash it until you let true friendship into your heart.” I let… true friendship into my heart…? Is that why I am so special in some way? Or is it only to do with her…?
"Well, that explains that… but what about…" She turned towards me... "…him?" She startled me as I began to feel nervous about the attention that was on me… again. I considered sneaking out of the room while nopony noticed… but that would be rude. "I didn't know there was another element from the book… I read that there were only six!”
“Of course…” Princess Celestia answered, keeping her warm smile which surprised me. I haven’t seen any other expression come about on her face. Must me a composure thing… "You see, Twilight… Tom's element,” Did she just reveal my name!? “…his pure heart, otherwise known as the Element of Purity for short, is not tangible and not exactly visible either. Those ponies who have managed to attempt to study these elements were only able to study those that they could see… Such as that crown on your head, and the necklaces around the others." So why didn’t she tell anypony…? It would have been really useful… Though it worked out in the end, anyways… So I guess I shouldn’t ask…
"So…" Twilight remained in thought for a while the other mares where exchanging glances with one another. Though it looked like Fluttershy still remained afraid of me… "What you're saying is…only a princess like you would know of his element? Because you were technically the only one who knew it ever existed?" And didn’t tell anypony…? I guess… I needed to learn what my heart was doing… all that time. I saved a filly in the woods by my own choices even when I really didn’t need to. I took my own time and risked my own life for the foal… I guess the ‘pure heart’ thing makes sense in that regard. “And that… only a pony like him could bear it…?” W-what does that mean…?
“Well… both of those ideas are another thing.” Did she save me there? I don’t think she meant to… Because she turned her head to where the fallen Alicorn was, walking over to the defeated pony who opened her eyes, all teary. At least she wasn’t dead… Though, I wonder if the elements could ever do that… Kill another pony… “Princess Luna…” Wait, ‘Princess Luna’? What? “It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this…” So, the Nightmare Moon thing really was real? Woah… a thousand years… Princess Celestia laid herself down in front of her as she flinched, attempting to move back but failing. “Time to put our differences behind us, once and for all. We were meant to rule together… little sister.”
Woah, woad, woah, woah. Little sister? “Sister?” The others questioned simultaneously and for good reason. Nightmare Moon, or Princess Luna… was Princess Celestia’s sister!? Ow… my head hurts again. If this is really true… how did she become Nightmare Moon…?
Princess Celestia stood up before her. "Will you accept my friendship?” Princess Celestia asked, standing up in front of her, holding out a hoof. Every one of the mares began leaning forward in suspense, most likely shocked. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. Though, Pinkie Pie was taking this a bit too far and fell over. How do you fall over…?
Princess Luna looked at her in silence for a moment… Before suddenly rushed towards Princess Celestia in an apologetic manner, hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry! I missed you so much, big sister! I didn’t mean any of it to happen…” She then exclaimed before starting to shred tears. Princess Celestia began to cry as well… This must be a really emotional thing for them… A thousand years apart… That’s longer than me being alone… She probably had it worse. No wonder she is getting the attention right now…
Princess Celestia responded by embracing the hug, as I noticed Pinkie Pie was sniffling, uncontrollably releasing tears of her own… The others just watched on. I could see that Fluttershy was visibly shaking lightly, trying to avoid eye-contact with me… Was she really that terrified of me? I… don’t know if it is an act. Too many facts point towards it being genuine… I should forgive her… should I? “I've missed you, too.” Princess Celestia then said, as they continued to hug for a few moments.
Pinkie Pie blew her nose with a tissue and began crying out loud until she suddenly shifted her gloomily expression. Where did she get the tissue from…? “Hey, you know what this calls for? A party!” She… a party. Oh yeah, I forgot that she wanted me over for a party the first time we met each other, when I declined…
Princess Celestia stretched out her smile again and slowly looked towards her sister and the others. "Yes… I think the ponies in Ponyville would love to see their new Princess…"
Princess Luna returned a worried look. "I tried to make them live in eternal night… They'll hate me…" I can see what she means…
"That's all in the past, my sister… Trust me…" Princess Celestia encouraged her. Nopony ever said those words to me…
Princess Luna remained silent, thinking about it for a moment. She then hesitantly nodded her head, forming a small smile. "…Okay." She managed to smile before even I did.
"Come, all of you." Princess Celestia told us as she began walking out with her sister by her side. "You all deserve this celebration as much as we do." They exited as the rest of the girls followed them, as they made their way down the corridor exit… while I decided to sit and stay behind. I didn’t really want to participate in this celebration, or even going to a party for that matter… social anxiety that I can’t ever get out. Sure, I called those mares my ‘friend’… but there are other ponies that I have never met… and I think its best this way.
But then again… it felt like the wrong thing to do… ignoring them altogether… I don’t really want to go to the celebration… I wouldn’t even be the main attraction really… two princesses… the elements of harmony belonging to those six mares, and Twilight who looked like she really knew Princess Celestia… it’s just… best this way. I don’t want to ruin their nights, or make it worse for me. Or both… At least they can be happy, knowing they have true friends, those who care for another… Those who won’t betray them in time… How do I know if these ponies aren’t any different from the rest…?
"Hey." A voice surprised me, which made me jump for a moment. Or flinch. I quickly looked over to see… it was Twilight. “Are you coming?” She asked, with a face of... concern. That’s what her expression looked like to me… Does she really care? And… how is it that she looks so familiar to me…
"…I don't know…" I merely returned back. Too many things going on at once… things that could make matters worse for me, for them… or for me. I didn’t really know what to do. I could have gone back home… Though they will eventually find me…
Surprisingly, she moved closer to me as I was lost in my conflicting thoughts… “Well, aren’t you our friend?” She asked in a friendly and content manner which… I didn’t think I’d see… Maybe she does really care… But faces like that could be the work of excellent actors… And, come to think of it… I did say that I was their ‘friend’. But how genuine does ‘friend’ mean to them… I guess there are very limited options to find out… None of which I didn’t prefer over the other… They aren’t good. But…
“Yeah…” I could only answer, with some slight regret and fear. I… only hope I won’t be betrayed by these ponies… Though hope hasn’t gotten me a long way in life… Maybe this is all for the best…
I got up and began walking with her, making our way to the others. It was mostly silent without the occasional question the lavender unicorn asked. She seemed smarted than at first glance. “So, didn’t the Princess say your name was ‘Tom’?” I didn’t like the fact that she used my shortened name… I wish she didn’t. They could ridicule me because of my name… The few ponies who did… did. Will these ponies be any different? Well, Princess Celestia wanted me to have friends… I also wanted to have friends… I guess this will be the first ever ‘trust decision’ that I make.
“Actually,” I paused. Do I really want to do this? “My name is Thomas.” Yes, I guess I do
“Oh,” She then looked down in thought, as I waited for the insult. Thomas you idiot. You had to say your name, didn’t you…? “That’s a nice name.” You had to… Wait, what?
“Really?” I was very surprised. I guess the trust decision paid off… Though it’s a ‘nice name’… How would it be a nice name?
“Yeah, it doesn’t sound like a name that is often heard… But I like it.” She added with a smile that always seemed to be on her face, and every other pony’s in Ponyville whenever I see them… Just because I have ‘friends’ here… doesn’t really make me happy, knowing the potential bullying that could possibly occur in the future…
But, I guess I need to conquer the ‘social anxiety’ thing that I have. I… should at least try and make small talk… but I have no idea how. Well… out of respect, maybe I should ask for her name, even though I already know it is. They don’t know that I heard her name from listening behind the window, before… the cliff thing… happened. “So… what’s your name…?” I ask quietly, still kind of looking down at the ground.
“Oh, my name is Twilight Sparkle.” Sparkle… also kind of rings a bell that I can’t exactly remember… She said those words in pride… as if she has accomplished a lot in her life…
“Well, what do you do…?” I can’t think of anything else to ask, or even say to her. I can only hope she doesn’t ask me questions…
“I am Princess Celestia’s student.” You are Princess Celestia’s student… I guess that makes a lot of sense in some regard. She then continued her story about her living in… Canterlot… Her being sent here to make some friends due to an order by Princess Celestia after saying that she thought the ‘Nightmare Moon’ thing was a myth… which was now definitely proven false (did she lie?), and she met the other ponies one by one with… her assistant Spike, who was a small baby dragon…
She talked like this while we were walking with the others as we caught up to them. I was remaining silent and politely listening to Twilight talk… and hearing the others talk about several things, even hearing boasting coming out of some of them. Also noticing Fluttershy not saying a thing to nearly anypony unless she was asked a question… kind of like me… She must be taking this real hard, with my presence here… She might even think that I won’t ever forgive her in the future… To be honest, I’m not exactly sure if I am forgiving her, but I don’t want to remain on negative terms…
Twilight then talked to the others as I was really walking by myself, trying to clear my thoughts and to attempt to ignore the voices walking in front of me. I heard the breeze hitting against the trees, swaying back and forth… How peaceful the sound was, how I actually enjoyed this… being alone in this instance… a lot has happened tonight. It’s quite tiring, a lot has happened within such a small amount of time. At least, that’s what it seemed like to me…
Strangely enough, it looked like nearly everypony was in town by the time we all got there after… who knows how long. Didn’t actually count how long it could have been… I guess… Pinkie Pie has these… odd ways… into making parties, or just this one. Both the Princesses’ were led into a carriage led by royal guards that looked quite intimidating, like the Minotaur, back into Ponyville. There were a number of cheers for the Princesses’ as they came back into the town, and maybe to the six mares, as I stayed behind the pack of them, away from the attention. I don’t know if I deserve it…
A baby dragon which Twilight described as Spike came out of the crowd and hugger her from her return. A friend who cares… As if I could ever have a ‘friend’ like that. For all I know right now, these ‘friends’ are just accomplices. Princess Celestia presented her sister towards the crowd of the town. They all actually bowed in respect, forgiving her in some aspect… I guess. Nevertheless, Princess Luna still looked at the ground in sadness, probably thinking that they still won’t forgive her… until a couple of pegasi mares flew up to her and placed a necklace made out of roses on her… She seemed very surprised by the sudden… action and looked towards her sister… managing to smile even. Despite the conflict that they had to go through… I wish I could smile…
When I looked around, I could see that everypony was pretty much celebrating, laughing, smiling, chatting, not about me at least… but I guess about the fact that it won’t be an eternal night forever… while I sat on a grass hill watching over the preceding events, being out of everything. Feeling lonely once more. Loneliness somehow managed to find me during this party, which even took me aback. I guess I wanted this, but now I don’t. I never did. I just… didn’t want to be here at this party. I just sighed and paid my attention towards the ground, watching the grass grow.
“Why so glum, my faithful student?” I heard Princess Celestia ask, as I zoned back into reality. How long was I alone here? I heard them nearby talking to one another, as I lifted my head up to see both of them. Twilight also looked gloomy… for whatever reason. “Are you not happy that your quest is complete and you can return to your studies in Canterlot?” Wait, it was a quest…? Well, yeah…
“That's just it...” Twilight responded, sharing a glance at everypony that I saved earlier… including me even. "Just when I learned how wonderful it is to have friends, I have to leave them.” I’m a wonderful friend? I honestly, really doubt that. As if I mean that much to her… I mean nothing to anypony… Too many beatings can prove that otherwise… Why am I even slightly trusting these ponies anyway…? Must be due to the Princess…
There was a moment of silence as it looked like Princess Celestia was pondering her words. “Spike, take a note, please.” The dragon then pulled out an empty scroll and quill… from somewhere. “I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria." She announced as the others gazed at her in awe, wondering what she was going to say next… as I looked on in sadness. “She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville." Huh…
The fillies immediately gathered around her, cheering and laughing in delight for her staying here. The attention not on me… nopony caring… “Oh thank you, Princess Celestia! I'll study harder than ever before!" Twilight returned gleefully, jumping up and down, quite like Pinkie Pie, as… confetti and streamers feel out of nowhere… I don’t know what to think about that. It’s not important to me really. I just stood away from them, walking away with sadness in my eyes.
Even if I didn’t want the attention… I couldn’t ever me happy…
Nopony really cared if I am even happy….
“Hey! Isn’t this part exciting?” That voice suddenly shouted from behind me, making me startled. Pinkie Pie then very quickly moved in front of me, expressing her excitement in all her glory… while I remained the exact opposite, silent and sad. “Are you really excited about this because I’m excited I’ve never been so excited, well, except for the time that I went on this- She then gasped sharply after she spoke all those words so incredibly fast…? “But, no I really mean that…” She continued on as I just walked away from her, ignoring any words that was spoken from then on. The sound of her high-pitched words draining out of my ears…
I was already very upset about the fact that I couldn’t ever e as happy as the rest of them. Or be happy at all… What was I even doing here in the first place? It seemed like the part wasn’t even for me… More for the Princesses’ and Twilight… and the other Elements… and I was only in their shadow. I walked over the hill where I made it to a bench in the park. Whatever occurred in the party… I just didn’t want to think about it… I swear I heard a voice calling me… I was hearing things…
I looked up at the night sky, unsure over how it was even night after I saw the light from before… oh yeah, it was coming from the Princess. Either way, I would also occasionally just look at the ground with regret over me even coming along with them. I should have walked home. But I guess it’s a relief still that I’m not there. I’m here in the park, hearing the chirping coming from the crickets, hearing the wind making a small breeze through the bushes and the flowers… This kind of silence was pleasing to me, like when I was walking through the woods with the rest of them… So much more pleasing than the atmosphere of the party… which didn’t even seem normal to me…
I didn’t want to think these thoughts, but for all these years… what was I supposed to rationally think about? The actions that I took didn’t seem normal for me. I just didn’t want to be there, with more of the townsponies possibly critiquing me when I’m not in their view… The bigger feeling of me wanting to hate myself… An outcast… I couldn’t be like any other pony, could I? No matter how much I try… no matter what I do… I’m always treated as… an outcast…
Nopony even walked up to me while I was sitting alone, which was something important to notice. Even if I wanted to be alone in only that circumstance… nopony wanted to know about the stranger. The new stallion in the town. Instead, they prefer the unicorn who was the apprentice of Princess Celestia…
Sighs…
I hate you loneliness. I just hate you… Why do you… Why do you cause all this pain upon me? Give me these paranoid thoughts that can’t ever escape my head? Give me the feeling of loneliness in some way or form every time I… do anything? Giving me thoughts over… the inevitable truth. Many. In this case… nopony truly caring about me… Twilight only did it because it ‘was her nature’ or some excuse like that. Fluttershy probably is planning revenge behind her mane, as she acts out her crying… Rainbow Dash is probably planning a surprise attack on me so that nopony knows it was even her…
I hate you loneliness. Those are the kinds of thoughts that I receive. No matter how true it could be. Loneliness refuses me to be happy. Ever. Point. Loneliness won’t even let me try… Loneliness keeps this social anxiety inside of me so that it won’t ever escape… My heart now burns once more as I think all of this… See what you did, loneliness? Are you happy? Well!? Are you !?
…
…sighs…
“Hey, Thomas.” Some voice made me panic out of nowhere, making me gasp and look back…
…to see… Rainbow Dash?
Well, at least she doesn’t look threatening… I kind of relieved myself of these fears… wondering why she is even taking her time to… talk to me… “…hey Rainbow Dash…” I somehow managed to say after slumping back into the bench, looking at the ground now…
She… I noticed that she wasn’t walking now… Instead, she was… walking on the ground. I thought she would always fly all the time. That’s what happens whenever I see her talking to the others… She moved next to me… even sitting next to me? What… “What are you doing out here? The party’s over there!” She asked with a smile, attempting to get me to be happy or something… Wait, was that a joke…? Well, whatever it was, at least she was courageous enough to look at me with her crimson-coloured eyes… while mine remained to the dirt of the ground.
“Um…” I started to think of something, a believable excuse… even though it was really hard when nopony wanted to talk to you…? “I just wanted to be alone from the party…” Which I guess was the entire truth. Though, even I am still doubtful about being alone… just… away from the party.
“Oh. Well, why don’t you come join us! It’d be awesome hanging out with me…!” She tried to cheer me up, still sitting right next to me. She didn’t even fly up into the air from what I expected. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at her.
“Err… I don’t… I think I’m better right out here…” I returned, stopping myself from saying that I didn’t desire to be out their directly, but instead implied it. At least she is talking to me… though I don’t know why…
“Okay.” She sighed, which sounded kind of serious. “Is this about the… Fluttershy thing before…” Um… I wasn’t thinking about Fluttershy… but… She didn’t mention that her ‘bullying’… only Fluttershy incident… She didn’t even say sorry. My response was to keep silent and not say anything. “I… erm… oh, how do I put this…?” I hear her mutter, as she looks away, I think. I wonder what she has in mind. “Well…” She trailed off again… she is probably wasting as much as my time on purpose… “I was… wrong.” You were… what? She got my full attention now, as I looked up at her in confusion. “I was wrong about the whole Fluttershy… thing. I overreacted a little…” I gave her a glare at that last statement. A little? “Okay, a lot. Quite a lot actually…” She shook her head. “What I mean is… She looked directly into my eyes now… I could see… regret.
“I’m sorry…” …you are…? “I’m sorry that… I overreacted when I… heard about Fluttershy. I misheard what I had heard. I thought that you had attacked her, and when Rarity and Pinkie Pie ‘scolded’ me, I thought they were just lying. But now… even Applejack told me over what she had heard… and… Fluttershy is the nicest pony that I have ever know… and when I heard that she had been harmed…” She trailed off, looking away in… maybe shame. Her words… they sounded genuine. Maybe she really is sorry. It’s just the manner over how she is saying it. It just sounds… forced.
“Yeah… I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you that much… Maybe…” She paused, looking straight into my eyes. “Maybe we could be friends…” She… she… said. Does… she really mean that? I had to look away in thought. Does she really want to be my friend? How do I… no. Don’t think about these thoughts. Maybe sometimes… you should just go with it. She hasn’t threatened you once when you came here… “Could you… Do you… want to be my friend?” She asked softly, her voice cracking in the process.
I turned back to her, who was smiling sadly… “I…” I started, but made a double-take. What if she does betray me? None of this looks or seems like a prank. Nopony, maybe other than Pinkie Pie, has really noticed me ever since coming back to this town… my ‘new home’… “Yes.” I answer quietly, before looking away from her excited gaze. I feel some regret from this choice. Another hope is not being betrayed in this town… how long will that last, though…?
“Yes!” She shot up into the sky, all cheery and excitedly. I just kept looking at the ground. “Now… don’t you…” She stopped herself, now floating in front of me from what I can sense. “...Are you really okay?” I still didn’t answer her. “…come to think of it… I haven’t seen you smile at all. I know I’ve only see you on… occasions.” Yeah, that helps… “What’s going on? Is there something else wrong?” Even if I did have the courage and the ‘non-trust issues’ to put it lightly… as if she would have understood…
“It’s nothing, Rainbow Dash.” That was the only thing I answer, before everything went silent once more. She seems to float in the air for maybe a minute… unable to say anything to that. Eventually, she decided to sit right next to me. I could even smell her… smell. It was… quite nice, really.
We just sat in silence for who knowns how long. I kind of ignored over what Rainbow was doing… instead I was just looking up at the night sky. She must be really sorry… but how was I supposed to know. She still hasn’t just… walked or flown away in frustration, over this silence… probably. Instead… we just sat in silence. Maybe enjoying one another’s company. Maybe for her, but I sincerely doubt it…
“Are you okay?” She eventually asked, snapping me out of my blank thoughts. I didn’t answer the question, no matter how much I wanted to. I can’t fully trust her… “Alright, look Thomas…” She got my full attention again. I guess Twilight told her my name. And that I feel naturally that ponies would insult me because of my name… “Come on. Let’s get back to the party.” I didn’t want to accept her offer. I could only answer with silence… for at least a few moments.
“Sorry. But I’d rather stay here…” I managed to squeak out… somehow…
“Oh, come on!” She was looking a little playful and friendly. It didn’t look forced. “Why don’t you come party with Pinkie and us? And me! You’ll get to hand out with me.” She tried to suggest, but I could only look at the ground in shame and fear. “I bet that’ll cheer you up!” She claimed with her tomboyish voice. I wonder why it was even called ‘tomboyish’… Nevermind. I had my obvious doubts… at least it was
obvious to me. I still remained silent. “Oh, come on! Don’t you want to hang us with the most awesome-est pony that you’ve ever met?”
I had walked away back towards my home during her words. I just realized that she already was going to push me and indirectly attack my comfort zone, along with herself bragging her ego that I could notice… However, she obviously noticed that I wasn’t sitting on the bench anymore. I could hear her wings flap that echoed a wind noise… or something.
“Where ya going? Wait!” She called, stopping me as she flew right in front of me, blocking my path. She had that intimidation-like stance again. “I thought you said you were my friend!” She… accused me, pointing a hoof at me which made me take a step back. “Don’t you want to hang out with the fastest flier in Equestria? Are you taking back what you said? You don’t want to be my friend?” She looked… kind of hurt. It could be her acting… but I didn’t want to make anypony feel bad about m not participating in this party that wasn’t for me… “I thought you were my friend…”
I could only look away, disappointing myself. Was this cyan pegasi really upset by my absence at the party? I couldn’t really tell… the fact that she even sough to find me after I had left… she actually noticed my absence, though… Whatever the case was… her sudden grief was starting to get to me… “Why are you leaving?” Her tone softened? I… I didn’t know she could be like this… After silence with myself when I didn’t answer. The same disappointment in her voice, just like Pinkie Pie’s… This grief was really getting to me. I don’t like making ponies feel bad. I’m feeling… horrible for it. For my ‘behaviour’, for my ‘actions’… If I don’t end this soon, I’ll just feel worse…
“I’m sorry.” I managed to say, attempting to form some kind of excuse, words to explain… “…It’s just… it’s not any of you. I don’t really belong at that party…” She raised a hoof trying to interrupt me, but I stopped her. “It’s just… me. It’s me. It always has been… “I’m just a different type of pony, unlike any of you.”
“No you’re not!” She claimed. “You’re not unlike us because you’re… quiet. That doesn’t make you different! Just because you’re different doesn’t mean… you can’t have fun.” I wish that wasn’t true. “And what do you mean by ‘it always has been you’?” I didn’t answer that question, I just looked down at the ground. “What does that mean?” She asks again, sternly but softly.
“I…” I start, before realizing how bad it could be if I explained. And as if she would believe me. “If I go in there… I’ll just make everything worse than it already is…” I tried to explain, but she’ll ignore me and keep on pressing me-
“Come on, now! No you won’t! You won’t make the party depressing!” She kept persuading me, but it really wasn’t working. I don’t know if I should take her word for it… Seems better that… I shouldn’t? I don’t know… Actually…
“Why do you care, all of a sudden?” I retort, raising an eyebrow at her. The question seemed to catch her off-guard. “Why do you care about what I do now? Why do you want me to go back to the party?” I would like to know why she even cares now…
She only answered with silence and looking away from me, where I couldn’t see the look on her face where it looked like she was trying to hide… That’s has what I’ve been answering to her. And now she has nothing to say… I wonder why that is… “I…” Then she shakes her head. “I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want anypony to be sad. Think of it like this… It’s a ‘thank you’ gift…” A thank you gift? “F-for… saving me… for saving us from Nightmare Moon.” I didn’t move a hoof.
“You came and saved us when we least expected you to. You saved me when… after the things that I did to you. You looked… like you have been tortured. Like you had… no reason to live.” And she was right. There was no doubting that. At least… she looks genuinely guilty. At least… she apologized to me. The first ever former-bully to do so… No reason to live… “Is that why you were in the forest?” She asked out of the blue. W-what? “You had… no reason to live…”
“No…” I sigh, snapping her from those thoughts. I didn’t want her to think that. She would probably scold me over how it isn’t worth it, and just get upset with me. She would maybe punch me or slap me very hard… “It’s just…” I trail off again, refusing to say any more about this topic. Should have just gone home…
“It’s just what?” She sounded a little impatient and maybe even frustrated, but continued to speak in a soft voice that also sounded demanding. Though who is she to privy into my personal life? Why does she deserve the right to know?
…would I even muster any strength to say that to her? No, I wouldn’t be able to… I just remained silent as I looked down at the ground again. “Why don’t you want to be at the party?” At least she changed the subject now. I still remained silent. “Don’t you want to hang out with us?” I really want to, as much as I do. But… they will betray me in the future… and I have no idea who they are. Even if this is… Rainbow Dash, at least she is taking her time to… talk to me… and she apologized to me, for… even being a bully, and acknowledging it. And hasn’t threatened me… yet…
But I don’t know anypony in this town other than the six I claimed that were… my ‘friend’ (which I cannot still believe), but… these other ponies may even be worse than the six fillies that I currently… ‘know’. But… they could be even worse than Rainbow Dash was before. And they could even be more popular than Twilight, spreading the word around that I can be their next target, them back-chatting about me, ponies judging and criticizing every move that I make…
…sighs… It’s been a long night.
“Okay.” She took a breath. “Aren’t I your friend Thomas?” Failing to see where she was going with this, and… with a lack of anything else to… do, I nodded, glancing up at her. She seemed… determined over something. “Isn’t Twilight, Applejack and the rest your friend?” I hesitated for a second, before nodding again, gloomily. “Then… why don’t you want to hang out with us, if we are your friend?” I wish I could tell you that. I really wish I could. You’re just wasting your own time. Just leave and enjoy your night without me… “Friends don’t leave other friends by themselves, to make them be lonely.” I don’t want to answer that… “You don’t… look like you want any friends…”
I kind of perked up when she said that, though maybe not in a good way. “I… really do…” I start and start, before being interrupted.
“Well why don’t you hang out with us!” She enquired, raising both hoofs in the air as she took flight again, making me look down at the ground. I… I’m too pathetic and… paranoid to tell her… and that’s one of the major problems that I have that probably won’t ever be healed…
“I don’t want to ruin you part by my presence… I always ruin things…” I state, or mumbled, again, trying to make a plausible excuse to her… I really think that I always ruin everything I come near to… I can’t tell anymore…
She sighed in… maybe frustration or disappointment. “Okay, fine. You don’t seem like much of a friend to anypony, anyways…” She then claimed, probably fed up with me refusing to say anything.
“As if I would know…” I immediately said… I guess that line would be the closest for me to… explain anything… and implied it… oh no. I d-didn’t mean to do that. Oh, great…
Unfortunately, she raised an eyebrow instead of… flying away in anger maybe? “What does that mean?” She got closer towards me, looking even sterner than before. I don’t know why… But I looked up and stared into her eyes, where she was… maybe glaring at me. I didn’t even make any attempt to upset her… or anypony for the matter if there is any… “As if you would know…”
Then she paused. Oh, no. She is going to punch me, isn’t she? I can… I didn’t even do anything wrong. And this is how…
It always happens to me…
“…that you can’t be a friend to anypony?” Her voice cracked as she made this prediction… I don’t know if she is correct… But I… yeah I think she is. I can’t be a friend to anypony. I would only make things worse, somehow. I would only be a bother to them… Tartarus, they are only going to betray me anyways… “You…” Please don’t punch me… “No. Surely.” W-what? Now… I’m confused. I looked back at her from some sort of… bracing position. She looked confused, and her expressions had softened again… why does that keep happening?
“You’ve had friends before you come to Ponyville, right?” I only looked at the ground in shame and guilt. “Right?” She asked again, starting to get a tone of disbelief in her voice. “Right?” I should have went home, straight away. This is what I get for leaving my ‘home’… “Thomas?” Her voice was really… quiet now. Almost like the voice I heard… Fluttershy speaks in.
“Thomas… have you ever had a friend.” I… why do you even take the time to question or care? My life should mean nothing to you. For all I know, you still hate me on your inside. This… well, no betrayal ever took this much creative planning to do… That is surprising. “You… never had a friend?” I looked up, back into her eyes once more. She looked genuinely… shocked. She looked shocked. That I never had a friend? Some act. She…
What should I say now? Should I tell her to just leave me alone, so that I hope that she would just go away? Or… answer her honestly. Maybe… I could really be her friend. Though... I don’t see how I really should. She started to bully me the first time she ever laid her eyes onto me, over a misunderstanding that I don’t see how it happened. Must be a biased thing… But it seemed that she was genuinely sorry… Nopony every looked sincerely as… her apology. That must be something to take in… She is wasting her time to even get me back towards the party, hasn’t thrown any sign of a threat towards me, hasn’t shown any signs of hostility… only guilt, regret… and worry. She…
She may even care for me…
But I don’t know if she does. Even if she really does… Princess Celestia even said, or implied, that she was my friend. Even after the bad things she did, she… redeem herself in a way (I am going to confront Fluttershy one way or another…).
I really want a friend… There… isn’t really anything to lose. “…no. I have never had a friend.” I admit, with slight regret in my voice from my admittance… But… I hope she isn’t like the others…
She looked at me with shock, as I looked at her with sadness. “I’m so sorry…” I have never heard a voice so… soft like that. So… quietly before. She… felt sorry for me? For me? It… must be more than some act. Mustn’t it be? It might… It mightn’t. I have never had the ability to tell, because they all have been nasty towards me… But I told her that I have never had a ‘friend’ or a ‘true friend’ for that matter… I don’t know what she can prove that she would really be my friend…
…
…
…but it suddenly changed when… out of nowhere… clung onto me… embracing me…
…
…she is hugging me…
…
I don’t think she could see my face, but my eyes have never been this wide before. I’m starting to panic from this… My heart was racing, beating what felt like a million times a minute, as if it wanted to rip itself out of my chest… My nerves immediately tensed up as I froze and was unable to move a limb, or to even say anything… What is this feeling? And why is it hurting me? I’m scared of this new feeling… It feels harmful, more hurtful than a beating… My heart is going to explode. Please make it stop. Please stop it. Rainbow…
My body expression seemed to catch her attention when I didn’t embrace her, or when I was… doing something that wasn’t natural. Maybe attempting to contend with my heart… Don’t know. “Are you okay, Tommy?” Tommy… Why did she say that kind of casually… and with concern? She… was concerned of me…? She ‘bullied’ and now she wants to make up. I can respect that… but to suddenly hug me? She… why would she? I mean nothing to her, or to anypony really… Maybe to Princess Celestia, but… well, I’ll never know…
“I could feel your heart… why was it beating so… fast…?” As she looked towards my chest, I still couldn’t pull any words together, when she softly pulled away from the hug. I feel embarrassed that she even sees me in such a state… leading me to wonder why… I’m trusting her right now. I should have just made an excuse and kept walking when she spoke about… my suicide.
“Do you… have an illness…?” I don’t think ‘Loneliness’ is an illness… maybe? “Chirac… chikapto… chikra… Chiraptophobia… Oh no… are you Chiraptophobic? Oh my gosh!” I stared at her with confusion for a moment, before realizing what she had just said… When you put it that way… “I didn’t know! I’m sorry!” She immediately apologized, now on the ground in front of me… with an expression of… worry. She… was worried about me? Does she really care? Or is it some ploy…
No, don’t think that. It’s never… healthy. I… want to explain why my heart… does what it does… but I’ve never really known why it does… what it does. And if I did… I don’t know if I could trust her, her of all ponies… But I can forgive… “It’s… not really like that…” I try to explain, making up words… I couldn’t really come up with anything else. It was really hard to.
“Then… what is it?” She asked uncertainly, worriedly and maybe impatiently… or patiently. I couldn’t tell. It’s just… she looks really worried… But sudden images of my paranoia, the fact that ponies always betrayed me… and our first encounter. If she could see what I see… she won’t believe me even if I told her. What if she laughs at me for this idea could be ridiculous to her, or a big fat lie? Or doesn't want to speak to me again after I tell her the truth (though I implied that I attempted to commit suicide to her, but didn’t…)? I can't handle another humiliation like that… Even after calling this mare and five others… my friend.
But… I feel like I want to tell her… I really do want to tell her. Or really anypony. Maybe the Princess… But…I can't… I can’t… I don’t want to try… It’s too scary, the possibilities… I just wanted this to be done with. I just sighed and shook my head as I looked back to the ground. “Look…” I start, trying to go back to the… ‘party’ topic and to avoid her question completely. “You ponies are having a good enough time as it is at the party… And I know that I’ll somehow ruin it… I don’t want to ruin your time…” In sadness, my ears flopped down after this statement. I then started moving towards my home, when Rainbow Dash moved into my way again. She really is stubborn… most of the time that isn’t a good thing.
“N-no. No! Don’t be like that.” She tried to comfort me after moving closer. “You won’t ruin the party. Trust me.” She even put her right hoof on my shoulder… I… maybe right now… in this instance… I wish I could say something… “You’re talking to me right now…” She made a comforting smile… which didn’t affect me.
“…yes. Alone. It’s only you… Who knows what would happen if I even came back…” I sighed as I looked back into her eyes, pleading essentially. “Could you please step aside?” I try to ask, with a hopeless-tone in my voice. I won’t fight you, Rainbow Dash. Please… leave me be.
“…but…” She tried to speak, but she seemed to be too puzzled and shocked, unable say anything else to stop me. I think even she saw how powerless I was, and that I was really pleading for her to leave me alone. She… was she about to shed a tear? No, I’m seeing things. As if anypony really cares for me like that. Or at all… Seeming reluctant, she eventually moved to the side as she looked sad at me, in silence for who knows how long.
I feel regretful once I started walking towards my home. Maybe after a minute, I walked over a hill and couldn’t see her behind me. I’m sorry that I couldn’t hang out with you mares… I’m sorry…
I really am…
I wasn’t aware of it for most of the time, buy my heart was racing intensely as I was walking home. How much it hurts… and how much pain it brings and reminds me… I really, truly am alone… I don’t think these new ‘friends’ can ever change that… no matter how stubborn Rainbow Dash really is…
I had finally reached my home as I walked around the town, taking the long way really so that I could avoid the ponies at the party as much as possible. I thought Rainbow Dash could be following me, but the glances I took whenever I looked around… revealed nopony was there.
As I shut my door… I could feel the darkness that enveloped me as I was reminded of the loneliness and pain that I feel. So many bad memories… could somepony please make it stop… No. Just push it away. I hate all of this so much.
I made my way towards the small staircase, walking by… the broken piano and guitar. They always stare at me with their own reason as I pass them… They… I don’t know what they want. But… do they want me to play them? If so… I don’t see any choice to… Even if it was one of the dreams that I had in one point in time… A musician… No. That dream won’t ever come true. Nopony would care if you tried…
I fell harshly onto the covers on my bed, sighing angrily. My mind was swirling violent thoughts that was troubling but so obvious as well. When I think about it… I’m an important pony all of a sudden. This seems to ‘good’ to be anywhere near true. I’m not important. I just saved the lives that needed it… that was all. It doesn’t make me happy. Then what will make me happy, that is a realistic option in my life… I still doubt my friends… And this… ‘secret’ element that I possess… is my heart. My heart. Something that has raged a war against my internal organs and me for… since I can remember!
And this so-called ‘secret element’, which is the element of purity? I won’t get into it, because I don’t understand it. But nethertheless… it helped defeat a very old princess that made a stupid plan that wouldn’t ever work? To make the night reign for all eternity? Am I supposed to be proud of it? Am I supposed to care if I was the hero? I wasn’t treated like a hero to the others. I wasn’t even given a second thought to most of them. Or… no. Rainbow Dash did. And maybe Twilight…
But, whatever. Was the point of it all to make happy? To make me, feel happy? That is a stupid idea. I’m still unhappy as ever! Rainbow Dash couldn’t try and make me happy by getting me back into the party for… Twilight I think. Not even Princess Celestia can make me happy. Twilight can’t make me happy. Rainbow Dash can’t make me happy! Nopony can ever make me happy! I’m still upset, angry, sad and alone as ever! Nothing that happened tonight or any other night can make any change! No matter what I do! If nothing can make the smallest change, then what can!?!
What can!? What can? What can? What can…? What can…? What… can…?
So many emotions are flooding my mind right now. All swelling within my brain. Only making me angrier than ever before. I couldn’t even express these emotions properly. I couldn’t even think straight. I’m lucky that I’m not losing control over my anger. I haven’t ever before. But I just wanted to yell. So badly. I just want to yell at the sky and at everypony. But that would only make things worse. It wouldn’t help with anything… ponies would hear it and think I was crazy… no I won’t…
All I could do now is to stare angrily at the ceiling. Why can’t anypony ever make me happy? Why doesn’t anypony really make any attempt? And why does nopony truly care about me? Nopony ever takes their own time to even consider what my feelings mean. What my own opinions are.
…except Rainbow Dash and Princess Celestia. The Princess believed something that was ‘special’ inside of me, which helped me save… an entire Kingdom now that I think about it. She believed in me… And Rainbow Dash may have… cared about me. She even took her own time just to get me back to the party, even when she didn’t need to… She… even after all had happened a few weeks ago… She really wanted to make amends?
Ugh…
It’s just… too much to think about right now. I’ll always have these doubts in the back of my head. And I feel very tired… and groggy.
I really don’t know what to do about all this. I mean… something about those mares makes me… feel different about something… They felt… different. I can’t put my hoof on what. Like usual. They made me feel like… different ponies… ponies that I want to try and start over with… to truly call my friend. But I don’t know why… My head… My head tells me not to trust them… that they’ll hurt me like the others, or the rest…
They'll push you towards the darkest depths…
I sighed.
Even more stuff to think about…
Even more stuff to do in my life…
And there is probably little time left in the world to do anything about it…
I can only hope that I get… a real friend. That’s all I want. Where I have no doubt about the pony that I feel special about… I can trust any friendly pony I can come across…
…
I chuckled to myself.
Yeah. As if. That’d be the day… keep dreaming Thomas.
Keep dreaming…
The Letter (The Brush Off, Part 1)
“Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two conflicting ideas simultaneously.” – Joseph Buchanan
“Oh! Hey! Hey Thomas!” Rainbow Dash shouted out, getting my attention. She was approaching me happily. I was slightly started that I had made my way out of my home, but I guess it doesn’t matter right now…
“Oh… hey Rainbow Dash…” I hesitantly return. At least we both aren’t on bad terms…
Then out of nowhere, she lifted up her forelegs and stretched them out. As soon as I saw this, I immediately became nervous as my heart pumped faster. She noticed my unresponsive behaviour and commented. "C'mon, Tommy! I'm not gonna bite!"
Why does she suddenly want to hug me? I… guess it is best not to ask. But I still looked away for a moment, biting my lip. Do… no. You know what happened when you… hugged her last time. You… do you want to take the embarrassment?
But have confidence, Thomas… She is your friend, right…? Didn’t you say that she was your friend…? You… need to have confidence if… you want to have friends. Even if your mind has a few points, don’t you want friends…?
I exhaled a very heavy breath. I’m going to accept the offer. She is your friend…
I slowly lifted my hooves to accept the offer, even if I still was hesitant. And… I should ignore my heart burning…
“Hahahaha! Don’t make me laugh!” I heard some d-deep and f-fa-familiar v-voice… No…
Before I could even place my hooves around Dash, I was forcefully pushed down to the ground from behind me, as Rainbow Dash moved out of the way with a giant smirk. Before she then looks disgruntled… W-what? “Ugh!” She expressed, now looking down at me, angrily. “You really think that I’m your friend!? That I would want to touch a pony like you?!”
I rolled over on my back, to at least look at her… to see… him. No. You… shouldn’t be here right now…
“Haha! You think you can ever have friends, Multi!?” He bursts out laughing, as him, Rainbow Dash and the rest of those mares joined by their side, all having irritated moods and complaining to me about the same issue, above my grounded position, laughing, pointing…
…no. They… Are you serious…? I thought they were supposed my friends… I thought they were my friends… I said there were… I gave them a chance… I can’t ever have a friend… I…I don't even understand anything anymore…
Their hurtful words kept hitting me, impactful statements that I probably won’t ever forget…
I’ll always be lonely…
Ah! No! No, no, no, no! No. No… It’s only a dream, Thomas! It’s only a dream! It’s not real! It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real…
I was panicking as I was breathing in quick heavy breaths. My heart was racing again as I felt like I was sweating, throwing off the covers of my bed as I tried to calm myself down. So many emotions and feelings and thoughts were crowding into my mind for me to even comprehend all at once. My mind was having a party that became out of control that I couldn’t do anything about.
The breaths that I took were getting slower over time, minutes on end, but were still heavy. At least… I’m trying to clear my mind to make sense of everything. At least I can contain myself from crying again, like every other night. Must be a confidence thing. I could make out some light of the sun that was getting through the sides of the window curtain. Guess it’s a sunny day…
…and yet my house was still full of darkness. Mainly. There are many dark shadows in my home that I can barely make anything out whenever I walk, almost bumping into things accidentally.
I sighed in relief. My heart rate was now back to normal, if it even can be recognised as ‘normal’, and I no longer have the need to breath in a panic. At least this time I could calm myself down. Ugh… Why… did I have that dream? I thought my… let’s call it ‘conversation’ with Princess Celestia yesterday, or last night, helped me with my nightmares. Did my ‘power’ wear off? Or… was it only temporal considering her power was who fought off those demons in my mind…
I sigh again. This time in defeat, maybe. I thought my nightmares would be ridden forever. Well, as if. At least for a little while. Not a… few hours. A few hours. Did the Princess lie to me? Did she give me all that… confidence for only her safety? So that she could be saved while I only remain lonely. Did…
…she use me?
No. No she couldn’t. Couldn’t she? The way she talked to me, the words that she did speak… It’s hard for me to believe that she only used me. There isn’t any way that she just used me. She… her words confined truth. Her peaceful and motherly voice… she helped me through getting rid of my… temporal nightmare, he helped me with finding the right way to… save my new ‘friends’… She couldn’t have used me. She even got her own sister back…
Must be the paranoia. Has to be. Ugh.
Her sister… Princess Luna knows, she might know, that I wanted to kill myself at the cliff, and that she witness the entire ordeal, before… inadvertently saving my life really… where I then saved the others. She knows what… I had gone through? She might… She may even confront me about it to… No. As if she would waste her time wanting to help me. She was probably try and get to know the country again… why would she waste her time with me…
But yeah. Inadvertently… She made me save their lives. Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity… Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash… even the mares who once bullied me, I consider them my friend. Princess Celestia showed me that they are my friend, even the ponies that I had never met before or once (except for Pinkie Pie annoying)… Because I’m an Element of Harmony. I represent Purity… it must be due to the fact that I can forgive… yet not forget…
Those nightmares will always resurface, one way or another. I didn’t really know what to think before I went to sleep about my nightmares. I didn’t even give them a thought, not that I can remember anyways. And that pony… stallion… dominant… he will always be there. Yet his companion and his this new pegasi that I had never seen before… It must be a sign. He must be involved in this… whatever this is… somehow. Yet to what?
And… the six mares that I called my friend. They were there in my dreams. My nightmares. Laughing at me. Insulting me… Acting nothing like they were yesterday… Rainbow Dash turning on me… she was the one who hurt me the most in my vision that I had. She expressed her words, though I don’t really know if they were honest. She said that she wasn’t my friend… that she would never touch a pony like me…
But… how am I supposed to believe this nightmare. Was it a sign of the future? That this vision was something that could potentially occur in the future… That they would betray me? That I wouldn’t ever be their friend. And… that I would never have a true friend? I don’t know… This is what my mind sees, I guess. And this is what my mind is telling me… Don’t trust them.
But Princess Celestia’s words that she spoke to me… Follow your heart. Always look back whenever you need help. And my heart told me to save those six ponies… And, yeah. I should trust what my heart says, more than my mind. My heart is trying to change the opinion of the paranoid mind, I think. That all ponies are the same… But there could be exceptions…
I don’t know. So much to think this morning… I really should think all this right now… I should get out of my home… And… do something. I don’t really fear ponies chatting about me… they probably could care less. I got up from my bed, and pulled the covers back over where I noticed there was still sweat in my bed. I guess I need to clean my bed. Some time. Maybe later. Actually, I wonder how long that has been there. Well, it’s not like anypony comes into my home but me… I need a wash anyways…
I may my way into the bathroom, ignoring whatever could be in that mirror. I honestly don’t care if that face shows up. He could be there. He could have disappeared. It’s best not to look to find out… Don’t let curiosity get the best of you… You have other things to think about, whether they are important. Man… my eyes still hurt kind of. I still feel very tired. I don’t know when I knocked out last night… must have been late in the night. I may have only slept for… for… hours.
I stepped into the shower, slowly after my forelegs refused to move, again. This time, I had no idea why. I guess my body may hate the shower, or the bathroom for the matter. I dislike that pony that I always see in any reflection. Minutes passed, unsure how many, before I eventually turned on the taps once more. At first it was cold water for a few moments. I didn’t flinch from how it felt, I barely made any movement. I’m not really given any reason to clean myself other than sweat forming while I was sleeping due… to nightmares. I just feel so tired. That might be why I can’t be bothered to get in the shower.
There are many things that I need to think about… the events of the past day. I… How do I start? I can’t really focus with the hot water running through my coat. But I’m always good at focusing for… reasons… Okay… Where to start…? Um, those mares. Fluttershy… Her… At first, she misunderstood and thought that I had laughed at her at that ‘assertive’ seminar… or something like that. And… decided to target and threaten me… like any other bully. Typically. She seemed… I couldn’t think of it then… but something seemed off. She looked different from when I first looked at her… she seemed shy and… maybe even kind. Innocent. That’s what she even looked like when I saw her at the old castle. Only a little more confident. But she was still hiding her face behind her mane… And that…
She seemed very frightened at my presence. That she looked like she was terrified of me. She feared me. I could understand why they were all shocked when I saved them… But that was genuine fear, when I truly notice her body movement. Not acting. It didn’t look staged. She… She… that must have been guilt… Was she afraid of me being a bully? That I would get… my revenge somehow? I… wonder… How… What led her to be that mean? If she is… as kind as Twilight said, explaining that her Element was kindness… I experienced all but kindness…
I’m not exactly sure about her. But… my heart want me to forgive her. I just ignored whatever my mind said. I want to forgive her…
…now… Rainbow Dash. I… Sighs. I’m still not clear on her either. I… ugh. I don’t… At first, she threatened with, I’m going to assume is my life. In protection of Fluttershy, I can only guess that seemed reasonable. I don’t know what she went through or what she was thinking… But I wonder if Fluttershy was ever bullied in life. Rainbow Dash said that she was the kindest pony that she had ever known… At the time… A few weeks ago… What else was I supposed to think? I got the impression that every other pony was as nasty as her… though Pinkie Pie was annoying. Yet…
The way she wanted to make up with me. The fact that she even decided to apologize still astonishes me… But, she decided to take her own time from the party, from her having her own definition if ‘fun’ to want to… not only to apologize to me but, to get me back to the party? Why? Why did she even care about my presence? And she was the only one who noticed…? Well, I’m not sure about that. But she did take her time… It was probably out of guilt. And… she even sat in silence with me as we both sat up in the sky. Maybe she isn’t as bad as first thought, even if she did push me at the end… She let me go home alone. She may have followed me, but I guess it doesn’t matter.
Wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t give me a second thought. Sighs…
The other mares, well, I barely even know them to give them a full thought. I have enough time in the day to give a thought… Rarity, I had never met before personally, only a glance when she helped me at the incident. She looks quite beautiful and elegant, but I don’t even know her. And I don’t have any sort of crush on her. Or anypony for that matter…
Pinkie Pie… is stubborn, I guess. She is quite colourful, her mane and tail looks…. Bubbly? Fluffy? Not sure. But it doesn’t really look natural. Her personality… she is hyperactive, excitable, quirky, and outgoing… Very opposite of what I am. And to me, at face value, she is quite annoying. Like when she refused to leave me alone when she claimed Fluttershy wanted to apologize to me (she honestly may), and wanted to be my friend. When we met for the first time, she wanted to throw a party for me because I’m new to this town… Woah. I… am unsure over her right now.
I’m not sure of what to think about Applejack. I only met her once, and… I don’t know, really. I asked an order for a month’s worth of food, when she ‘friendly’ accepted it, and respectfully (maybe) didn’t give any comment. Kind of. She noticed that I didn’t eat much… wonder what that could mean. She seemed nice. She wanted… me to come to a family lunch or something, when I had never even met her before. Huh… And her little sister… Seems nice. Though I don’t know what to think of foals… Again, I wouldn’t know.
…but the final mare. Twilight. I have been thinking for who knows how long, over where I had seen her before. Never in this town before the castle event… thing, but somewhere in the world… That purple and lavender mane… I swear… Why can’t I put my hoof on where I remember… some mane like that? Maybe it was in Canterlot… Or… no. She was never there. And I… don’t think it was ever in Canterlot. I was only there for a few hours for… a school thing. Ugh, Nevermind. She seemed like the main pony of the six. Or the smartest anyways that I noticed. She seemed to know about the story of Nightmare Moon, and the story of the Elements of Harmony… and she seemed smarter when we conversed when leaving the castle on the way back. Or really, her talking and I occasionally asking questions.
Well, these are the new supposed ‘friends’ in my life as of right now. I don’t know for how long they will last as being my friend. No. It’s best not to think about it. Don’t think about how they will… Ugh. Okay, okay. Okay. How… do I be a friend? Do I… hang around them? Do I try and learn about them? Do I have to… share information… about me? I don’t like the sound about the last one. I… don’t even know how to be a friend. I wouldn’t know… Would that they even waste their own time trying to know me? I doubt that they would. I’m boring, plain, uninteresting… but special in some way. Only one way. Maybe… I don’t know.
I turn off the taps and get out of the shower after maybe half an hour of thought of many other things, and some that I’d rather forget. I shook myself dry as best that I could, again. I need to buy a towel… and go outside to the markets… Ugh. I might as well get it over with. Some time. Later. Not in the morning in like a few minutes. Or right now. I still feel tired. I moved out of the room, trying very hard to not get any glimpse at the mirror. I’d rather not deal with him today. Too many things will happen today, and… Ugh. Don’t look, Thomas…
Now… what? What should I do, now? Maybe breakfast… I think that would be a good idea right now. I don’t really have anything else to do. Drawing is too much of a waste of time… And these musical instruments keep… would you leave me alone? I can’t ignore them every time I move past them. They… stare. I can’t tell if it’s a cold one. They just stare. And that isn’t natural… Though I couldn’t really tell.
Hmm… At least I have milk… from… How? Wait. There’s more food here than… yesterday. W-what? Was somepony here? In my home? And… put food in my… okay. I don’t know… Why would anypony give me free food and drink…? There’s a few boxes of cereal that wasn’t here before (I had ran out) and a few of these fruits also weren’t here before. And… cupcakes. Quite a few of them. Err… I don’t know. Were… they leftovers from yesterday’s party…? I don’t know… Why would anypony care…?
I really need a lock.
Actually, now that I notice it, there was this letter on the table. How I didn’t notice this when I first came down those stairs… must have been the piano and the guitar. They probably are still staring at me from behind, but I’m choosing to ignore them. I walked over to the table and sat on the chair for… comfort. I could still see the drawing that I left on the table… that unfinished attempt of… lines that has… no context towards them.
Now… Sighs… Just ignore the drawing. It doesn’t really matter. Now… let’s see what this says… I think it’s best to think about it after I had read it in my mind…
Hello Thomas
I am hither, sending thou a letter to… talk to thou about the events of the past day . Um… what? What is with the old dialect? I guess my mind has other ideas about thinking about this after reading. I don’t think I… ugh. I don’t know really. I wonder why she is even taking her time to talk about… yesterday. I wouldn’t have mind if she really did come over and talk to me about it. Maybe… even if it will be very, very awkward… and uncomfortable. And silent most of the time. And I couldn’t really understand her Old Equish (?) dialect… Yeah, forget I said anything.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t speak to thou personally after the party, as Celestia had summon'd me to wot the new royal capital of Equestria, Canterlot. Okay, I guess that makes sense. Wait… does Princess Celestia know your sending this letter? Wait…
I am only being able to send this letter to thou. I think it would hast been in thy best interest if I didn’t intrude in thy dreamscape. Um… Wait, what? Intruding in my dreamscape!? Wait… can she… get into my dreams? Woah, woah, woah, woah… She has the power, the magic, to do that? Would… okay, this is a new light. I don’t think she would be able to abuse her powers as being Princess of a nation. Actually who would still rule Equestria now that she is back? Would… they share the crown? For some reason I doubt that… Doesn’t seem natural to me. Actually… it would have made sense if she had talked to me in my dreams… would it?
Anon , Does that mean now? I am sorry. Your… what? Very sorry. I wasn’t acknown of the teen that was being brought upon thou. And that thou wast driven towards… suicide. Again, I’m very sorry thou yea decid'd to make that choice. 'R at least, wast yea forc'd to doth so…
Woah… She really does care about me. At least, that is what I can fathom from this paragraph of her letter. I… maybe I was seeing things. I read it over, just to check that I wasn’t crazy. It looked real. Could it be? I still have doubt. I read it again. No… the text was still there. She felt… sorry for me. I… My mind has been… I don’t even… Okay. I can kind of trust her now. If her words ring truth. Like Princess Celestia’s… I guess we will see.
And I am also sorry about… harming you before and insulting you at the old capital. I hope you can forgive me for my past actions of… my darker self . I guess I can forgive you. You acted and looked very differently from before and now. You looked weaker and… in pain. Something I’m too familiar with. You saner self, for lack of better words, was locked away on the moon for… a millennium. I can’t imagine what you did in that time span… And this part wasn’t in the old dialect…
I would like to ask you… art thou okay, Thomas? Am I okay? Doth thou ne'd any counselling of any sort? I just want to wot that ye are doing well after… saving me. And i would like to thank thou f'r it. If it weren’t f'r thou ‘fighting’ mine darker self… then, things that would belike be beyond thy imagination would hast occurr'd. Things beyond my imagination? Is that what she means? Huh… I don’t think I would like to know what Nightmare Moon would have done. Though eternal night sounds stupid to me… What else did… she have in mind? Okay this is slightly scary. Best not to think about it.
And I am thankful that you have friends to discuss your problems with. Yeah... Again, I would just like to know that you are doing well, and that you… well, ‘want to live’. I guess she isn’t good at attempting to explain herself of these… emotions, I guess. I can understand why… it’s too nerve racking. Friends to discuss your problems with… I… don’t know about that. I don’t think I ever would. I… no. It’s better if I don’t… ugh. Not now. Think about it later. Or never.
Please, I hope for you and all of us when we say that will live a long and healthy life. I… dammit. I can try… No. I’ve been trying so much in my life to find reason to do your implied order… at least I think it was implied. A long life… I think that may happen. I have my doubts on how healthy it could be. I just wish it could possibly be a happy one. And that you don’t end it yourself, and quickly. Yeah, thanks. Because that helps… Ugh. She really got the wording wrong there.
Also, out of respect, I hast decid'd to not betoken this news to any of thy cater-cousins, leaving up to thou to decide if thou really trust them, thou would betoken them. I may visit thou in the coming days, depending how well I get settl'd in ov'r in Canterlot. The coming days? She going to come… over to my home, here? Well, there’s nothing really special about this place. Other than it has the ability to be covered with darkness in every square corner of this two-floored (two-story?) house… Not much to see, really. Other than those musical instruments which is just best to ignore for the foreseeable future…
And regarding thy heroic bravery in the face of grave danger, prithee accept an award of such, whence thou receive free food and cupcakes that Pinkie Pie had made f'r thou, when thou mysterious disappear'd from the party. I guess that makes sense, though why she would even take the time… Wait, how did she even get all that food in my home anyways? And how did her… Did she see how little I had in my home, and decided to reward me with things that I didn’t have… No. I don’t like being a burden to anything. Owing favours… But she said it was more of a reward… Did she get royal guards to do it? That they went in my home while I was…
My head hurts.
I hope that thou will doth well in the future . Well in anything particular? Or just in general? I think I know the answer to both of those questions… I’m not sure how anypony otherwise can change my view. I guess I just have to wait and see. “Yours truly, princess Luna.” I read out the last words to myself. As if anypony was listening to me… It’s just the fact that she even sent this letter to me… I guess Princess Celestia has shown why she cares for me, and this letter was Princess Luna’s way of showing me…
And I couldn't have been the only pony to hear that screech, right?
View Online
Observing Behaviours (The Brush Off, Part 2)
I'm going to assume whoever yelled in that sing-song voice was Pinkie Pie, or somepony who was extremely similar to her voice. I don't know why she would screech at that pitch, but I guess it isn't my place to wonder, or even judge. As... odd as it was? It was certainly out of nowhere. Following that odd screech. At least my ears aren't destroyed. Yet.
Well I'm not going out there to investigate anything. Don't be curious. And you know it's... her. She is weird. And annoying. Getting on your nerves, perhaps. If the option is to stay in this house, while she isn't here and distracted with something else that has nothing to do with me (and I hope it doesn't), then so be it. I could just... just...
Well I am a bit hungry right now. It is the morning, and these apples... well I'm not sure what to think of them. Or the mare who made them. There's a lot of vagueness in the air, that I can smell. And apples... I think... I think I'm getting hungrier and hungrier... I'll give credit when its due... they smell nice... delicious even... intoxicatingly nice... maybe too strong... the scent... ergh... engh... I swung the fridge door open, and pulled out the apple... tart? Whatever it was, I placed on the table. Staring at it. Should it eat it? Maybe my nose is deceiving me about this. I mean, it's just food, after all. Right? It doesn't matter who made it, or how she made it... even though you don't really know her... don't know if this is a plan, just a fraud to gain your trust... and turn on you at the last second...
Ugh! Get these thoughts out of your head! Ignore them. Take deep breaths. Deep breaths.
Sigh. Okay. Its just food. Don't... get paranoid about food. Remember last time? Actually... what happened last time? If there even was a last time, I can't remember anything. I think I'm now creating memories that weren't there before. It must be because of my traits. How I hate most, or all of them. So... the food. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try some. I mean, it's not like Applejack or some other pony is just waiting for me to eat this so I go unconscious, and they take me away to somewhere else. Right?
...
There isn't anypony beyond my window curtains, when I pull them back lightly. I sigh... in some emotion that I'm probably not familiar with. I don't really care. I'm getting even more paranoid. At least things at the moment aren't getting worse... never better, but not worse... yet. Well, this is a waste of time. Food. Yes, breakfast. I mean Thomas, its only breakfast. You're getting paranoid... again... ugh. Stop this. Bucking stop this. Just... eat this pie that smells... intoxicating, but not lethal. If that means anything,
*Takes Bite* Mmm... this is... well there's flavour in there. Apple. But... I'm getting the feeling of something else... I can't put my hoof on what. Well I don't know emotions other than pain and sadness, really anything similar to those two, so of course I'm not familiar with it. I'm starting to get irritated with this morning more.
All right something is wrong. I'm not as depressed as yesterday. I'm feeling... something different, that I don't really want to think. Where is the real Thomas? I groaned, lying my head on the table. This morning is still better than most mornings, days... but that isn't really saying much. Like anything else says much about me... I shook my head lightly. No, don't think those. Just don't... think about food again, you seemed at the very least not upset or depressed.
"Hello?" A... different voice called from out of nowhere... from the door. Well the voice doesn't sound like Pinkie Pie... Twilight? "Is anypony here?" I froze in place. I'm still terrified, obviously. I'd much rather stay isolated from everypony... but I wanted to have friends... and I consider her a friend... and saved her... "Oh, hello Thomas." She spoke with a smile, with a small... dragon sitting in her back? Huh... Wait... oh, nevermind. The Princess already told my name... need to remember that carefully. Why did she have to say my name? I... didn't want that secret to go out to everypony... but it seems like they've accepted that my name is differently from everypony else. Or at the very least their content. Actually... why are you here Twilight? I wish I had strength to ask her that. "Um..." She coughed. "May I..." She looks nervous about something... nervous about me? "...come in please?"
Uh... I'm terrified now. Why does she want to come into my home , of all places? And if she does, how will she judge me? How will she think of me? What would she say? She could talk me down, insult me, may take other things from my home. I don't know... I don't know... "Um, Thomas?" She snapped me out of my trance... of wherever I was staring. "Are you okay there?" She had a slightly worried look on her face, but it might be her good acting. Though she looked kind of sincere... and... something else in a different way. I opened my mouth to speak some of my worries, but then I would have been lead into that trap again. I looked towards the ground again. "Thomas?" There was a pause in silence, as she didn't say anything. I feel depressed again.
"Um, Twilight?" The young dragon spoke in a young coltish voice. "Maybe we should come back later..." That... would be better right now. I'm not prepared for this. What she is going to ask, what she is going to do... excreta. I still couldn't look at her... but is this the first step in becoming closer friends? I wouldn't have a clue. It would hurt to ask... but am I not going to take that risk? I mean, Twilight seems... anything close to normal from what I have observed from her, in the small limited time I've been with her. I mean, she looks comfortable with speaking openly with me. I... wish I was the same way. Maybe I should give her a chance... I kinda gave Rainbow Dash a chance...
"Er, no no. You can..." I'm still hesitant. Come on, do it Thomas. What is there to really lose- no, don't answer that. Just... go along with the flow. "You can come in Twilight..." And I think that the dragon's name is Spike, from what I remember. Vaguely. My mind is a little foggy at the moment. But I don't think Twilight had said my name to him... I hope she didn't. Even if he is the age of a colt... it's better that way. I opened the door wider, so that they could both enter. Twilight blinked for a second, for whatever, and then had another smile on her face. That... that face... something- I swear I've seen this pony somewhere before. Maybe I'm delusional. Or just thinking things. Or... both.
I slowly closed the door, the entire room, and to an extent the house most likely, was engulfed in darkness, where few things were still visible to the naked eye. Twilight and Spike immediately noticed this. I froze in fear. What... could she say? I think she tried to take a look around, but it was too hard for her to see, including him. "Um... It's a bit dark in here, don't you think?" Well, yes. For a good reason. I won't say why. I think she nearly walked into the sofa I have there... I don't ever sit on it.
"Er, yeah it is." Pause. "Would... you like me to open the curtains?" I ask... uncertainly. Okay I'm scared and frightened over where this relationship is going, if its going anywhere at all in the right way, whatever the right way is. I don't know what the right thing to say is, I don't know what the wrong thing to say is. I find it better to not speak at all, in every circumstance when possible. But when it comes to conversation... I go into a 'silent panic' mode as it were. I freak out but I'm good at not showing it. Until pain is an important factor that arises...
She nodded, and I opened the two curtains that was there. So the outside world can... shuddering... see me. I don't like it. But they prefer it. They like it. So... what does that make me? Spike muttered something to himself that neither of us could hear, as Twilight took a look around the room. I studied where she looked, and how long she looked at them. She took particular notice at... the instruments decaying in the corner over there. No. Please no. Don't mention... "Do you play instruments?" She looked at me with a lightly tilted head. Do... ponies, or mares rather, who ask questions with curiosity like that? I haven't noticed... I haven't really given any reason to care.
I looked at the guitar and the piano. "Um..." I want to. I really do. But there isn't any point for me to. I don't know anypony that would offer to give me lessons on how to play these instruments. It's a waste of time. I don't know how, but I want to. I wish I could say that openly. "Not... necessarily..." Fear is a powerful drug. I hate drugs.
She didn't press on the issue. She might have something else on her mind. "Well anyways, I would like to ask questions..." Slightly pause, as she looked away for a moment. "...about you."
...
"Okay." My mind hurts. I can't think anything right now. I can only answer questions. I... know I'm doing something wrong, out of the thousand reasons. One from the rest springs out from my mind. I can't remember if I was always rude. "Alright, I'm... Would you like to sit down?" I offered her seat... on the sofa. I never had actually sat on this. I never really relaxed on that. I always sat on chairs. Or sitting on my own bed. Is it a shame that I'm finding what I have and haven't sat on interesting? Or am I just deterring from the possibility that... no don't think that. Ugh. Bad thoughts. Paranoid thoughts. Always seep in somehow. I better remain blank, like I did there for a moment.
"Um... why yes I would." She answered with a smile (always happy), before looking at the couch for a few seconds, before lying like anypony normally would. Spike sat straight up, getting comfortable. I, hesitantly, walked over to them on the couch, sitting like I usually would. And it was rather noticeably. Because it was unlike anypony would sit. At least that's what I saw. "Well, that is an odd way of sitting down." She proves my point. She didn't... make any insults or anything. She... just pointed it out. Please don't judge.
"Ah... yeah. I guess it is." Or am I getting something wrong in some regard? "Now... you said you had... questions." I guess this is one way to pass the time, more intriguing that any other I could think of (that didn't end in bloodshed). I'm still scared, don't get me wrong, but I am curious of what she is going to ask. Still afraid out of my own spine, normally.
"Yes. Firstly..." She broke off from there for a few seconds, like she didn't prepare this or something. Then what was the point of asking me questions. Is... no she couldn't. "I never really got any time to ask you this properly. But why did you... save us?" Her voice went down to almost a whisper. I didn't answer at first. I know an answer. "I mean, I'm thankful that you did." She chuckled. "But... how did you know where we were? And why did you save us?" She repeated, making me think about the extra part there. I don't want to tell her about... what I was going to do. She would bug me to no end. It seems that Rainbow hasn't told anypony else... yet. What could I make up? That I got lost in the forest, for no reason? Or do I avoid the question entirely? Maybe I should tell her... but it would come back to bite me. I don't know...
"Umm..." No, don't stutter. Think of something. Saying no comment doesn't ever help. I remember the last time I said that... "I... followed you... to see how you were going to... save us?" I... think. "Then I got lost in the forest... I saw some flash of light... then I appeared at the castle, and saw all six of you being strangled by, er... Nightmare Moon. Even if... I had... let's say bad relations with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy... I just didn't want you mares to be hurt." I explained softly. The last-half part was true, the first... not so much. I don't think I'll ever explain the truth properly.
There was silence for a moment, as this seemed to process through her head. "You wanted to help us?" She eventually asked, where I nodded, looking back at the floor again. "Well... thank for that." All right then... I can't tell if she was sincere. She sounded shy, if anything. I just nodded. "I mean... Thomas?" I slowly looked at her, remaining blank, or gloomy I don't know. "Thank you." She smiled, before laying a hoof on my shoulder... I froze in place, looking at her again. She looks... sincere. And thankful. Well two ponies right now are 'truly' faithful, I mean thankful. Though I guess that isn't saying anything, if they are going to betray me in the future. Long-term. Short-term... I don't know what these mares want to do with me. I haven't noticed any signs of torment, not anything significant since... I woke up? This is too much to think.
"Uh, yeah sure." I said, before looking away again for another moment. I wonder if the others will say anything to me, if at all. I have my doubts about Pinkie Pie, for different reasons, that might not involve pain. Oh, what am I saying? Of course I will be inflicted with pain. One way or another. "So... you had more questions?"
"Well, I-
"RAINBOW DASH!" Some voice shrieked from outside, in a... sing-song kind of way. Thankfully it wasn't too loud that I had to cover my ears, but it shook me up again. I barely jumped from where I was sitting. I felt a little dizzy, where I groaned.
Twilight chuckled... "Are you okay there?" I froze again. You're... not going to make fun of me, are you? Please don't...
"I guess." I rub my muzzle for a second, before seeing that Pinkie Pie was running outside... towards somewhere. "She scared me." I should have said that she scares me, but that wouldn't be the right thing to say. Not that she would care.
"I can see." She paused. "Pinkie told me earlier that she was just looking for Rainbow Dash." Should I be surprised? Well I don't know if they are close friends or not. Maybe... no I have no clue. Also, I thought Rainbow would not get off my case and be the pony that knocks on my door first, seeing how stubborn she was last night... which I still feel bad about. But is that necessarily a bad thing? Still no idea comes to mind...
"Why?" I hesitantly ask, as she and Spike made their way towards the door. So you're leaving now? Well... sigh, some talk this was. I made my way off the sofa too, but not towards the door. I just stood there.
"I'm not sure... she was talking all about her this morning." She sighed, before opening the door, about to leave before she pauses. "I'm sorry, are you coming with us?" I looked at her with confusion.
"Why?" I ask again, baffled over why she would care about me, if this is caring about somepony... I'm oblivious to many things, that's just the way I was brought up. And I hate it.
She looked away for a second before looking back at me. "Don't you want to know what happened? I mean, they are your friends..." Well guilt trip me then. Sigh. Might as well. I mean, there wasn't anything else that I was doing that was productive. What was I going to do? Just eat? That seemed boring. This... seems dangerous if anything. If Pinkie Pie is involved, from her behaviour that I've seen... I shuddered. That's a good reason to not go out there. And other ponies could be- no. Don't think that. Ignore all those thoughts.
I looked away for the briefest second. "Yeah, sure." I say, before slowly following a smiling Twilight (why is she always happy?) out the door, closing it. I didn't make it far before a rainbow flashed by, blowing a huge wind towards all of us, knocking me against the door. Ow. Not the worst I've endured, far from it. Trust me. Oh great. I'm talking to myself again. As if anypony would be interested in me... Also, I'm not surprised about Rainbow Dash forgetting me entirely, especially after that 'attempt' or 'talk' last night. I'm surprised that even occurred. Seems like a waste of time now, thinking back on it.
I heard a sigh. "I'm guessing that was Rainbow Dash." Her voice seemed dejected, where I offered a hoof to help her up. Spike was already standing. "Um, thanks." She stood up, and took a look at her mane. Before groaning. "Ugh, I have to do this all over again..." She muttered, while I took a look at the direction Rainbow was flying towards. Seemed near... the town centre. Oh that is even greater than before. Spike whispered something to Twilight, which I hope isn't about me, and then suddenly walked down that path ahead of us. Maybe he's just going home. "Ermm, come on Thomas! Let's go see what they're doing." Please don't use my name in public. Just... please don't. It's better that way. I wish I had courage.
"Now there, over to the right. No no, a little to the left. Oh wait, back to the right." The scene that we both were met, after an awkward silence of walking together, with my head looking at the ground, was Pinkie telling Rainbow to move a small cloud, where she looked bored and annoyed, over an entrance to a tree house. Wait... Twilight's home? "Now a little leftish while staying rightly." Right, I'm lost. 'Leftish while staying rightly?' What kind of logic is that? It makes no sense to me... but I think it would be best if I didn't say anything. And the response that I would be met with, especially considering that its her... yeah, better silent than to say anything. Pinkie kept giving these random orders, while I looked over at Twilight, who also seemed confused. Yeah, we are only 'friends' as of yesterday, so she is probably in the dark as much as I am in right now.
"PINKIE PIE!" Rainbow shouted, making me startled. And scary. She is scary. Okay, don't get on her bad side. Don't get on anypony's side. Everypony could be even more violent than what she is acting like. But then again, she is nothing from what I've experienced... and depression hits me again. If these mare are really my 'friends', they wouldn't be like the rest, could they? First experience in this village showed me otherwise, then yesterday disproves that... I don't know yet. I can't fall too deep into their group, stay isolated for most of the time... what am I saying? Be alone? You don't want to be alone... you don't want to be hurt again...
"Uh, I mean, perfect. Now wait for my signal." Pinkie Pie responded to Rainbow, before beginning to sneak around the side of the door... why are they playing some sort of prank on somepony. Actually, I should be glad that it isn't me. It'd be better if it wasn't me. At least they are leaving me alone. I then noticed, after a few seconds... Spike came out, carrying a bunch of scrolls. Pinkie Pie signaled Rainbow Dash, causing her to kick the cloud. Thunder boomed, scaring Spike. He dropped the handful of scrolls with both of his hands. Pinkie Pie smiled at him as Spike continuously hiccuped. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie began snickering and soon started laughing. Well, that was kinda mean. No, don't tempt fate. They could do it too you. The best thing to do is to let things play out.
"Oh Rainbow Dash, we startled Spike into getting the hiccups!" Pinkie Pie laughed, as Rainbow chuckled, while I heard Twilight groan. I guess she isn't much of... like Rainbow's personality, and is nicer? Or just less enthusiastic on playing pranks, I guess.
Oddly, Spike chuckled along as well, for some reason. To get on their good side? I guess that's a hoof in the right direction, even if its a sad hoof to take. "Good one, Pinkie– He hiccuped. –Pie!" Maybe you should stop talking Spike. That's my words of advice to you, if I could speak them. "You're always pulling a fast one– Hiccupped… -on me." He isn't bright, but I guess he is the age of only a colt. He tried to pick up one of his scrolls, but burnt them on fire!? Okay, he is very scary right now, if he can breath fire. I started making my way slowly backwards, where Twilight realized my shock.
"Hey, it's alright. He won't hurt anypony." She tries to calm me down, and it only slightly works. How is it that a dragon is living with a pony, actually? Actually didn't Twilight tell me last night? I must have blanked out. Actually, that makes Twilight even more dangerous. Now I'm more terrified, but I try good to not show it. I slowly nodded to Twilight and walked back beside her, shaken. I hope she doesn't judge me. Please don't judge me. Thinking about it, other ponies could be judging me right now. But... I don't really see anypony else. Weird.
"Oh no, you're not hurt are you?" Pinkie Pie looked like she was worried, but it could be good acting. Could be? More like it is good acting, with that unique voice. I need to watch out foe her more often than not, if she isn't preoccupied with anything.
"Ne-eh, don't be - silly, dragons are - fire-proof." Spike continued to hiccup mid-sentence. Well I don't know much about dragons... other than they can breaths a lot of fire. Dangerous fire.
"Oh, okay, good." Pinkie Pie replied, before they both burst out laughing again. I sigh to myself. At least they are having fun, and nopony is in immediate danger, unless they prank me, which is inevitable when your... me. I wish I could laugh and have fun. But ponies are never going to act like that towards me. Spike tried to pick up more scrolls he dropped, but he kept burning them. Shouldn't Twilight be, like, alarmed if those scrolls were hers? Well I know little to nothing with these mares... aside from a few standing-out characteristics of a certain few. Pinkie and Rainbow kept laughing even more, finding the sight hilarious. I can't see it that way.
"Have you ever SEEN anything more hilarious?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"I can think of ONE thing." Rainbow Dash replied. She kicked the cloud again, scaring Pinkie Pie this time, as she screamed in sudden fright. Don't do it to me. She screamed. After a few seconds, she began laughing and hiccuping at the same time. Clouds can make you hiccup? Or is it just from the shock. I haven't noticed that.
I heard Twilight sigh again. "I'm just going to read a book..." She muttered, before walking back towards her tree home. She then paused, and turned back towards me. Oh no... "Would you like to come in, Thomas?" I froze, before thinking. It's... I don't want to rush things. Not yet. Too risky. But, I did lead her into my home, and the worst thing she said to me is that I live in darkness, and it didn't sound insulting. I think. I could be wrong. But I just want to be safe. I can only trust these mares to a certain point. Also, what was there to do in her home? Read a book? Eh, that wouldn't actually be bad, though. But I don't want to impose, to get on her bad side... I hate inner conflicts.
"Oh sorry..." Make up an excuse. Anything. Something... er...
"Oh, he's hanging out with us." Rainbow Dash declared from behind, making me look at her in many different way. First shock, then confusion, followed my relief of some sort. She wants... to hang out with me? Me ? Why? Is it because of last night? Maybe... she didn't forget. Maybe she had a lot of things going this morning, or was just tired from the party. To be fair, it was very early in the morning when I went to sleep... Maybe she is sleep-deprived, and considers me as a 'friend' in some crazy way. I don't know... is she loyal to me in some way? Maybe this is how 'friends' react from her standpoint.
"Well, alright." Twilight shrugged off like it was nothing, moving back into her home. I watched her leave, before hesitantly taking a look at a smiling Rainbow Dash, who was hovering over me to my left. I feel... slightly more comfortable with Rainbow in my presence. Only slightly...
"So Thomas, are ya gonna hang out with me and Pinkie?" I could only look at her for a few moments, before looking back at the ground. I guess hanging out with Rainbow... wouldn't be as bad as my first experience. I mean, if I'm around her, and on her good side (which it looks like I am already?), then ponies might not mess with me. But then again... 'with Pinkie Pie'. I don't know... She must have seen the look on my face, which I didn't notice that I made, and flew right in front of me, onto the ground. "Hey, it's gonna be alright. We're your friends, right?" I didn't answer at first, but responded with a nod eventually. I still was hesitantly scared. "Don't worry. Nothing is going to happen to you, okay?" I looked back into her eyes, with some emotion in my head, before nodding. She smiled even wider, before flying up in the air excitedly. Must be due to some other reason... She can't be that excited for me...
"Hey Thomas!" Pinkie squeaked from next to me, shaking me up again. She only jumped up and down next to me this time. Damn, please stop scaring. "I'm sorry, I'll try next time." W-What? "Anyways, I never got the opportunity from yesterday, since I never saw you at the party. Which is weird, considering the party was for all seven of us, and the Princesses I suppose." I guess... it wasn't for me. Even if it- "But, I wanted the party to be for you." Okay that's two so far. What? "I wanted to..." She sighed nervously for a second. "I never got to thank you yesterday, for saving us." Oh... no. Don't get fooled. This could all be a lie. Could be... "Thank you." She says, almost in a whisper... before hugging me. I feel my heart racing. Thankfully, it was only for a split second. I took breaths, as it looks like she didn't notice. She then said something to herself, before jumping up and down again. She is always a lively spirit. Exactly nothing like me. "Okay, Rainbow Dash, Thomas. Let's go!" She jumped down one random direction, as I looked towards Rainbow.
...I forgot she was here, somehow. She saw that entire confrontation unfold. She didn't say anything about it, only smiled towards me, and followed Pinkie. I took a breath. Maybe it won't end as badly as every other time. Maybe... things could be for the better. But then I would be dreaming. I hope I'm not. I followed them, less fearful and depressed, and more with intrigue, but still depressed nonetheless. Did that rhyme? Eh. At least they aren't treating me horribly. Yet.
Why do hugs have an effect on me? A bad one at that... shouldn't they be a good thing?
The Encounter (The Brush Off, Part 3)
I only followed Rainbow Dash and Pinkie around town, as they began their 'pranking crusade' as they called it. This is something that they enjoy, something I can't understand how they enjoy. Even if I've never really experienced enjoyment, watching a pony prank another doesn't really seem... interesting to me. It doesn't help my mood either, no matter how many times they try and get my spirits up. Because it's not working.
Rainbow Dash occasionally pulls these funny faces at me, waiting for some sort of laughter. All she gets is awkward silence. Which was the usual response everypony gets from me, if they even consider asking me anything, that is if there was a situation that a pony on purpose went up and talked to me. I still felt sad.
Pinkie Pie wasn't so forthcoming. She wouldn't give up on trying to make me laugh, in some sort of way. She put on endless after endless after endless joke and prank that she could think of, and it all fell flat. Needless to say, she doesn't seem as happy as she was before. She looks... a bit deflated. Was it because of me? It must have been... if I wasn't here with her, she wouldn't be ad that... I can't be happy... I felt a little worse at this. Because none of this is helping. Pinkie is a bad luck charm, so far. She's only making things worse, if anything. But... she isn't beating into me, like any normal typical bully. The same with Rainbow...
These friends are suspiciously convincing. But I won't be fooled. Yet I want to believe they aren't as harsh as I'm making them out to be...
I don't know, right now. I don't know.
I remained in my usual depressed mood, conflicted on how they were going to turn on me. I don't think it's going to be today. It seems like their... too caught up in the moment. And I am not complaining. But I know it's inevitable... but maybe I could change the inevitable to make it impossible to ever occur if I really become their friend...
What was I saying? That would be a dream come true, but they would probably bash me if I really tried to be their friend. This was all a ploy. A well done ploy. But... if that was the case... why am I still around them?
We're currently at the local lake, where Rainbow has this black circle on her eye... I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy... throwing rocks at the ground. I mean, the day is bright an all, but I'm not a bright stallion. They seem... really happy for being friends with one another. Maybe... no. I don't know how to be a friend. Does it involve laughing? I would instantly fail no matter what situation. What if... no, I don't have a sense of humour... after it was all beaten out of me. If I could start making jokes about anything... I wonder what they would be about? It's been so long since I ever considered... comedy in any way, shape or form. I was too busy running away from other ponies, and some of the time failing miserably. I don't know what's funny to me... what I can make fun of... and even if I did find something funny... they wouldn't, and would hurt me for doing so. Ugh.
It doesn't help that I know it will all be useless in the end. So what's the point dwelling on it? To past the time, perhaps. I mean, what else is there to do? Play that guitar or piano in my house? If there was any reason, or if I had any sort of passion... I haven't had any passion on... pretty much anything, not that I can remember the last time that I did take a big interest in something.
And apparently... they just pranked... Fluttershy. Something to do with a turtle... I don't see why I should care about her... but remembering that talk I have to have with her... it's only a matter of time. Might as well make it now... these two mares wouldn't care. Or notice.
The sounds of laughter began fading away, as I made my way towards her. I couldn't notice anypony else in the vicinity, which help things. I don't want any unwanted attention on me.
She didn't seem to notice my presence, and that was both good and bad. But, I'll try to make the best of this situation. Which... is going to be one of the hardest to do. I took a breath. There was no going back from the Nightmare Moon incident... last night. So really there isn't much point of me getting out of this... without being a coward. I don't want to be a coward, even though I know full-well that I am one. Maybe I can get that to change...
She was humming to herself, shaking her head back and forth as she mumbled something to herself. Peacefully, by herself. Guess she is used to being alone. Well... here goes nothing. "H-hey Fluttershy..." She didn't seem to recognize my voice, but she still jumped a little, before looking at me, with widened eyes. Slowly backing away... what, does she think I'm going to harm her? "H-hey, hey. I'm... not here to hurt you." I tried to sound as relaxing as I possibly could, without getting nervous. She didn't proceed to move away from me. "Umm..." How can I approach this? How about something new, for a change. Which appears to be the running theme of the morning.
...Being blunt?
"Alright, here it goes. I hold no long-term spite over... what you said to me. I know, I might have... overreacted a... lot. Sorry about that. But umm... I don't hate you."
"Really?!" That's not the reaction I'm expecting. At least... it could have been worse. I wish I could stop shaking. She doesn't look like she's going to hurt me again- "Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I was overreacting too! I didn't mean to hurt you! I'm sorry! Please forgive me...!"
...
...
"You're... strangling me..." I strained. She... it's like a bearhug. She kinda hugged me... or didn't a terrible headlock. My heart kinda froze as well, that's... not a bad sign. I'm inclined... to believe anything at this point. I've gone this far. I can regain my breathing once she had let me go. "Yeah... thanks. I forgive you... on... er... one deal."
"...W-What?"
"You don't hug me... like that." Better add that last part for good measure.
...wait, did I just say they can hug me? "Yeah, sure. Thanks... sorry I forgot your name."
"Thomas." I feel like my distinct name will make things worse around here... no mocking yet. Wait, how did you forget? I thought it was a big deal- Too much on my mind to care.
"Oh... Thomas..." Oh no, here it comes. She's gonna mock me like the rest- "That's a unique name."
...
That's it? No criticism? No mocking? No laughter? Just... unique? "Are you alright? You seem... confused over something..."
"No, no. It's alright. Just... it's nothing."
"Tommy!" A raspy voice calls from behind me. She immediately comes right between me and Fluttershy. She can fly really fast... Must be years of training and experience... I wonder what it's like to fly. "Huh..." She looks at both of us. "Seems like you both made up." Fluttershy give a faint guilty smile, while I give a look at her. "Well anyways... Oh yeah, we got ya good with the turtle 'Shy. And you seem alright." You really care for your friends there... "Come on Tommy! Me and Pinkie aren't done for the day!"
"Hopefully never!" I hear her shout in excitement from the top of a hill. It wouldn't hazard to guess Fluttershy didn't like pranking as much as I did. Just judging from her face... and she is very quiet too... like me. And these three are... 'best' friends? I wonder...
...something near-entirely impossible. It's... there's the thought... no it's mostly impossible. I can just roll with them for now... though getting fun from the pain of others... is horrific to even think that. I guess... it's a good thing, and I stress the word good, that these pranks aren't harmful to anypony. Just simple light... fun.
I can't comprehend it. Fun. And I've never bothered to learn... I've never experienced it before... "Well I'll see ya around Fluttershy." If ever again. I give a weak wave of a hoof.
"Oh, see ya Thomas!" She waved as well, making way back into her house. Me and Dash then sent off for an adventure...
Or am I skipping ahead here? It's just be watching them go about their day... what an odd schedule they have. Depressing conflicting thoughts aside here... just for once. I want to watch.
I can't speak for long. I'm sorry. It's just... this has been quite the overwhelming experience for me. All the stories I've been through...
They're so nice. They're so kind. I... don't know how they are persuading me to make me believe I can truly trust them. It's been more than a year since I touched a hoof on this book. Diary. Cluster of papers... I'm still not happy, I think. Still haven't smiled or anything. I've... noticed things.
I'm a bit more talkative. Or, a lot . It's the mares that surround me that I blame. I don't trust them with my personal life yet. They've asked me numerous questions, but I'm obviously too afraid to ask anything.
I've changed in the space of a year. I've forgotten... for so long... I've never felt this emotion before. It can't be happiness... Or is it even an emotion...?
I'm having fun.
This... no I can't.
I've been rather forced to go around pranking with Dash and Pinkie... I've been calling them by shortened nicknames now... And it's... cruel, yet somehow satisfying in a way. Not enough, not even close, to make me smile. But... it's progress I suppose.
Will I ever write in this again? I'll come back to it one day. I... am so exhaused with everything that has just gone. That was... one memorable party. Never seen so much smiling faces heading my way...
I hope I can write in this book again. I have hope now...
I've changed minimally. I don't fear being betrayed... entirely yet. The possibility is always looming over my head. It won't ever leave. Although... I'm terrified to try this... If I let my guard down for one day. Just one. What will happen? Can I... trust them, my six closest 'friends' like never before? Or... will they destroy what's left of my rebuilding heart?
I don't know. But I can say this, before I leave... I like Dash.
