Chapters What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
The Following Document Was Created in Google Docs Using Grammarly and was then transferred to here where I realized that Grammarly does a horrible job at 'fixing' grammatical errors in Google Docs as my screen was filled with many 'errors', so expect some parts of the story to have some errors.
Thank you for the 7 people who 'Liked' the story... and for the one person who pressed the 'Dislike' button. I wonder why...
Which is why when you press the like or dislike button, please give me some feedback, I'd appreciate it, even some negative feedback would be good as long as it's constructive and it'll help me improve my story.
If you liked this story you can always like and follow, it's free and you could always unlike and unfollow later. Anyways enjoy this second chapter that I make during my 'free time', which is usually around 7+
Yes, I prefer to sleepless just to write more chapters, you're welcome. This story was for fun and for you guys who like this.
If anyone spots the grammatical error that Grammarly apparently 'fixed' within the Authors Notes, I'll shoutout that person, it's no joke Grammarly is saying it's correct when it's not. Anyway, enjoy the story!
Not Sorry
Chapter 2:
Day 5:
“Alright class, thank you for coming in today.” The professor said, noticing that he had a slightly smaller group of ponies compared to Day 1. The cyan unicorn grimaced at the sight of his classroom already looking like someone had splattered white paint all over the walls. Secretly, one of the younger students considered asking the professor whether his hair was naturally white or if it had also been splattered by the white substance that now covered the walls, but upon seeing the older stallions already shaking their heads towards him, he decided to shut up.
“I’m dreadfully sorry about what occurred within this class, you could blame some of your classmates for this… mess.” The cyan unicorn said, gazing at the mess before pulling out his pointer to begin their next lesson. “Anyways I want to continue our November-related lessons and go onto a term that you’ve probably heard before. Close your eyes and cover your eyes if you want to, but for those that want to know more, today we’ll be talking about the word ‘Cum-Pocalypse’.”
The stallion turned to face his students, already seeing how some of them felt uneasy about covering this topic. Some covered their ears and eyes, others crossed their legs. After giving his students time to prepare, the professor turned on the monitor display, showing a picture of what seemed to be a mushroom cloud. But unlike other mushroom clouds, which were created by a high-velocity object crashing into the ground, or a unicorn releasing a rage burst, this one was made from a white substance.
“A ‘Cum-Pocaylpse’ could be triggered in many ways, whether through a simultaneous release of many ‘pent-up’ stallions, or the single eruption from a Hyper Stallion. More on that later. The result is mostly the same though as entire cities become flooded by an endless sea of spunk. How did all of this start? Well, let me give you some historical context.” The professor said as the monitor switched to an illustration of Ancient Equestria, a few years after the defeat of Discord. For the most part, the drawing seemed normal, with ponies sitting calmly on some grassy fields outside Canterlot and having a nice day if Canterlot wasn’t being engulfed by a massive white gooey mushroom cloud.
“It was November 30th, 1010, when the first ‘Cum-Pocalypse’ began. Within 24 Hours, every major city was engulfed by a mushroom cloud made out of cum. It took months for our nation to recover from the massive wave that swept across our land. Around 90% of all stallions were unable to recover for a long time as their systems were barely able to register anything else other than pain and pleasure. The military went into a full spiral of chaos as there were no more stallions to fill in the vacant places, and thus mares began to take a stallion’s place in every aspect of life. It would only be a few ‘Cum-Pocalypsis’ later that we began to realize something.” The projector changed to a depiction of the world from an outside view, but instead of being green and blue, it was covered in white.
“As our population increases, each ‘Cum-Pocalypse’ would become more and more powerful than the last as more and more stallions would be born. Even if we change the ratio between stallions and mares, it’d just result in these stallions becoming more virile as they’d form herds with multiple mares. We’ve just recently begun to focus our attention on this yearly problem because just a few decades ago, the last ‘Cum-Pocalypse’ was so powerful that it nearly covered the entire world. After doing some research in both the fields of genetics, physics, mathematics, and science, we discovered that the ‘Cum-Pocalypse’ hadn’t occurred by chance, but rather that there exists a period between one ‘Cum-Pocalypse’ and the next one. Not only are we overdue for another, but our projections show that because there are so many virile stallions, including the several hundred in the ‘Hyper’ category, not only would there be a repeat of the last ‘Cum-Pocalypse’, but it would be so powerful that it’d fully flood the world. Nobody would be able to escape, and just how Discord planted the Plunderseeds to destroy the Tree of Harmony, he had created the ‘Cum-Pocaylpse’ as a way to one day win, and from the looks of it, it will succeed.” The professor said. A young colt raised his hoof, and the teacher allowed him to talk
“I thought Discord was reformed. Wouldn’t he just prevent this from happening? After all, he no longer needs to win when he becomes friends with ponies such as Fluttershy.” The young colt asked, and the professor gave a soft smile.
“Well that’s the thing, we don’t know. He let the Plunderseeds still exist even after he was first reformed, and he might find the end of the world through No Nut November as ‘entertaining and funny’. But like you said, his new friendships might push him into stopping this from ever happening. But with him being chaos and all, nobody knows what will happen. But let’s not worry about where Discord’s loyalties lie. ‘Worry about that lion within your loins’.” The professor said, softly laughing before they moved onto another topic.
“HEY, MIDNIGHT WAKE THE BUCK UP!”
The sound of somepony screaming before crashing onto the floor and letting out an ‘oomph!’ was heard upon Rainbow yelling through a megaphone. Stirring a bit, a blue pegasus began to open his eyes before becoming tired again and falling asleep. That couldn’t be said for the others in the room though, and soon everypony’s eyes settled onto the cyan pegasi who held the loud device in her hooves. Among the ponies that were startled by the sound was Moonlight, who upon waking felt as if she was grabbing a fluffy pillow. While she had nothing against fluffy pillows, as she kept a personal collection of them in a secret place, it didn’t take her long to remember that there was no such thing as fluffy pillows within the military. Adjusting her eyes, she became surprised when she noticed that she was hugging Midnight, the blue pegasi having curled up in a ball-like formation. She also realized that she wasn’t in her bed anymore, rather she had been moved into his bed. As the rest of the roommates realized this, and with Rainbow softly laughing in the background, it didn’t take long for Moonlight to discern what the pegasi’s plan was.
“Dang it Rainbow! Had it been any other month I’d be happy to wake up cuddling with Midnight, but not this one!” Moonlight thought to herself as she tried to figure out how to defuse this situation. Normally she’d act like her normal self, but during November she had to be careful with what she did or said, as anything could easily trigger a stallion from ‘losing it’ in front of her. And she did not wish to be like that mare who forgot about that and had to be sent to the hospital to be ‘cleaned’. After calculating everything, the young thestral finally spoke.
“Alright, alright, I’m pretty sure all of you pent-up stallions are seeing this but I have an important question to ask to help distract you guys from going towards that thought,” Moonlight took a deep breath before continuing.
“How the buck did Rainbow open the locked window or door, snuck in, moved through the room without making any sound, and moved me from my bed towards his bed with nopony noticing.”
For Moonlight, such a question sounded stupid and random, but she knew in retrospect that it was her best choice, because by asking such type of question, it suddenly made them all stop from their current thoughts and be distracted long enough to also realize Rainbow’s plan. While Rainbow’s ‘Fake Cum-Explosions’ was already bad enough, her plan to make a ‘Real Cum-Explosion’ by making them burst at the same moment, would not only make them ‘lose the challenge’, but also gaining the unwanted effect of continually releasing themselves until the end of the month, and potentially begin the planet’s final Cumpocalypse, one that would’ve surely destroyed everything, or at least covered the entire world with cum. Slowly every single one of them began to turn around and glare at Rainbow as the full extent of her attempted prank hit them. Before Rainbow could say anything in her defense the door was suddenly slammed open as a familiar white unicorn glared right into her eyes.
“RAINBOW!”
The cyan pegasus gulped as she saw Shining’s horn sparking alive with magic. Seeing how the room was becoming more hostile by the second, Rainbow did the only logical action that came to her mind.
Run.
“See ya!” The cyan pegasi yelled nervously before jumping out the window. As Shining Armor sighed at his failed attempt to stop Rainbow, Midnight began to stir again. Not wanting to resume the awkward situation that Rainbow caused, Moonlight threw herself onto her bed, just in case there was any chance that the pegasi’s prank could succeed. Finally, the young blue pegasi woke up, his eyes opening up as he began to rise.
“Ah… what happened?” Midnight groaned softly as he rubbed his eyes, his body still feeling tired. Yawning again, the blue pegasi raised an eyebrow as he looked at the others in confusion. “Did I miss something?”
Moonlight had to stifle a laugh as Midnight just sat on his bed in confusion. Sometimes Midnight was too oblivious to what was happening around him. Sure, when he’s in ‘actual peril’ he reacts instantaneously, but in moments like this he somehow always manages to become perplexed.
“Apart from Rainbow yelling through a megaphone and causing that stallion to fall from his bed like a clown, nothing at all.” The purple bat pony said, smirking as the offended stallion tried to protest, which only led to the entire room laughing at him. After laughing along, Midnight asked Shining Armor a question.
“So I’m guessing go ahead and do our routines again?” The young blue pegasi asked as Shining Armor thought about for a moment before shrugging.
“Due to the current circumstances, I’ll allow all of you to do whatever you wish until the official wake-up call at 5 AM. Go back to sleep, play some games, or hang out, I in the meantime will deal with making sure this situation doesn’t happen again.” With all of those in the room saluting towards him, Shining Armor silently leaves the room and shuts the door, leaving them to their devices for now. After hearing this, the blue pegasi switched his attention to Moonlight who calmly was shuffling some cards.
“Ya wanna play?” The purple bat pony offered. Midnight accepted the invitation and together with a small group of roommates, began to play a game of Poker. After a few minutes though one of the youngest of the players began to ask a question.
“So I’m guessing we’re just going to forget what just happened?” The young pony asked, causing everyone to glare at him while Midnight sat in confusion.
“Wait what? What happened?” Midnight asked innocently, causing Moonlight to face hoof as the other player pulled the younger colt aside to just remind him of the rules that were to be followed in No Nut November, like not bringing up a past event that could potentially retrigger the sensations they had been suppressing at the moment, especially out of the blue and without warning. With just the two of them remaining and the rest doing their things, the purple bat pony approached Midnight who was seeking an explanation.
“Let me get this straight. During the past… 5 years, nobody told you what No Nut November was?” Moonlight asked. The blue pegasi shook his head, causing Moonlight to sigh, realizing that nobody but her would offer to explain these things. “Not even your parents?”
Before Midnight could respond to this, the alarm clock rang, signifying that it was 5 AM and it was time to do their routines. Lifting himself, Midnight shook his feathers as he began to walk outside, with Moonlight following him.
“Midnight, I’m just going to ask you this… personal question... but do you even feel anything between your legs when it’s November? Like I’m pretty sure you’re a stallion, but this… isn’t normal.” The purple thestral asked, sighing as Midnight continued to look at her in confusion.
“Well, my medical papers say that I’m a male, that I am sure of, otherwise I’d… Uhm… I… Wow, I was thinking how I’d look different as a mare but I can’t see any difference.” Midnight said sheepishly, scratching his mane as Moonlight deadpanned for a moment. “However I don’t think I understand what you mean by ‘Anything Between My Legs’. I’m willing to hear about it though, so whenever you want we can resume this conversation. Unfortunately, we’re on a schedule and I have to go to my designated area, but can we talk about this in… the cafeteria?” The blue pegasi offered, with Moonlight letting out a soft sigh before smiling.
“Alright, lunch it is. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot that I need to teach you, some that I can teach you within this month and others… after this month.” The purple thestral stated, licking her lips while smiling at Midnight who nodded.
“Ok. See ya.” The blue pegasi replied before the two of them parted ways. Reaching Shining Armor’s office, Midnight knocked on the door just as another pony arrived… or better said griffon. Raising an eyebrow, Midnight tilted his head as he began to study him. The griffon had a mix of light and dark blue feathers. His eyes were blue, his chest had a peach-like color, and his feathers on the top of his head starting with a blue color and ending with a yellow one. Noticing that he was being watched, the griffon stared right back at the blue pegasi, and for a few moments, the two ended up in a staring contest. Tentatively the young griffon smiled, his eyes darting around as he felt a bit uncomfortable. It became clear to Midnight that the griffon was a new Royal Guard, or at least interested in becoming one.
“So uhm… you’re a recruit as well huh?” The griffon asked, to which Midnight just continued to stare at him. “Uh… I’ll take your silence as a yes! It’s a bit… scary out here huh? All this training, all of these weapons, all the obedience…” The griffon desperately tried to make Midnight respond by adding to the ‘conversation’ if it could even be called as one before he sighed. After a moment of silence, the door was opened by Shining Armor who immediately noticed the pair.
“Ah, and here’s our recruit. Come on in your two.” Shining Armor said as the two entered inside of the office, where Shining Armor had them stand up with no seats in a formal position. “It’s a pleasure to see that one of the Young Six has decided to join the military, right Gallus?” The Captain of the Royal Guard asked the griffon, who nodded, while Midnight was finally able to fit the pieces together.
“No wonder he looked so familiar, he’s one of the only griffons that doesn’t have white, black, or grey color on their feathers.” Midnight thought to himself as Gallus replied to Shining.
“Yeah uhm… you know me. Nothing much to do in Griffon Stone so I came here.” The cyan griffon said as Shining Armor simply nodded before turning around to face Midnight.
“It’s a lucky thing that you came here with Midnight because now I could at least have some fun seeing your reaction as I show you the Lieutenant General you’ll be assigned to. And he’s standing right next to you.” The unicorn said, smiling softly as Gallus began to process everything. After connecting the dots, Gallus suddenly spun around and looked at Midnight in shock as he realized something.
“Wait… he’s my superior?! We look the same age! He’s like what-?”
“-Eighteen.” Midnight interrupted, causing the griffon to fall into a deep state of shock as he continued to process everything in his head.
“I’m eighteen! Well, I’m going to be nineteen soon but… he must’ve joined the military around the age of-”
“-Twelve-”
“-Twelve… TWELVE!? How does that even work!?” Gallus cried out in plain confusion as he collapsed onto the ground, clutching his head as he struggled to wrap his head around the fact that not only was Midnight a Lieutenant General, a rare title to achieve in the first place, but he was eighteen and entered into the military at the age of twelve. Shining Armor couldn’t help but laugh at Gallus who was still on the ground in a state of shock.
“Ah, that was the same reaction I had when I officially met Midnight. He just became a Lieutenant General recently, and I was wondering who should be his first subordinate when you suddenly came along and volunteered into service. And since you two are the same age, I thought it would be a good idea for him to train you and for you two to become ‘buddies’ so to speak. It’s rare to have a higher-up being the same age as their subordinate, so I wanted to test it out. Your superior Midnight stated that he wanted to try things differently from the rest of the superiors, and what better way than to have him not only train a subordinate that’s the same age as he is but a griffon no less. We never had one in a very long time, so your timing was perfect Gallus. Thanks for signing up, and I’ll see you two during lunch.” The Captain of the Royal Guard said before opening the door and leaving.
“Wait! I have so many questions! Can you at least answer some of them?” Gallus asked, barely being able to lift himself from the ground as Midnight simply stood like a statue.
“Ask him the questions, he’ll be able to answer them. Sorry about making things like this, but you probably should’ve heard that conscripting in November was probably a bad idea.” Shining Armor said, not even bothering to look behind him before disappearing. Gallus simply grumbled as he tried to lift himself but couldn’t. The griffon stared at Midnight before frowning.
“Aren’t you going to be helping me?” Gallus asked as he continued his attempts to lift himself, to which Midnight replied with a smile.
“Consider lifting yourself as your first assignment.” Midnight said with a grin, causing Gallus to softly growl as he continued his futile attempts to lift himself. “You should’ve expected that your life from here on out will be full of intense physical training, but it’s too late to go back now, you’re already a guard, and I’m going to make you the best one Equestria has ever seen, alright Gallus?” Midnight asked, to which Gallus groaned.
“This is getting embarrassing…” The griffon grumbled as he continued to struggle with lifting himself, and Midnight couldn’t help but laugh.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
So something I want to mention before we continue.
As the number of chapters increases, there will be an increased chance for plotholes or contradictions to appear. As I wrote the third chapter, I found myself leaving our various bits from the previous two chapters, and you'll soon take notice that my style of writing changes suddenly as I had to scrap some ideas.
On the subject of scrapping ideas, some of which are due to various other forms of media influencing my work. I have to mention that even though this project is for fun, I want to give you viewers the highest satisfaction I can regarding the story elements, characters, and plot, so I try to be careful with how I write.
As of right now, the ratings of this story are 14:1, 165 views, bookshelves by 41 people, and being tracked by 21 people. I just want to say that I'm happy that things are turning this way, and I appreciate the support. But anyway, I believe it is now time for you guys to go on and read the next chapter. Feel free to drop by and offer some ideas as to how this story could go.
Death By Tickles
Chapter 3:
“You’re still not going to help me, aren’t you?” Gallus asked as Midnight couldn’t help but give a smile. Seeing that his new superior wasn’t going to do anything at all, the young griffon groaned before completely collapsing onto the floor, causing the young pegasi to shake his head.
“Tck tck tck. A shame that you weren’t able to do a single sit-up.” The blue pegasi commented, before examining the griffon’s body. “You barely even have any muscle on you.” Midnight commented as the griffon groaned, realizing he could’ve just rolled over onto his legs and lifted himself that way. Tired from all of his efforts, the griffon laid on the ground as he responded.
“Of course I don’t. I lived in Griffonstone for my entire life. We barely have enough food to go around, much less gain some muscle.” Gallus commented, as he slowly began to regain his strength. After recovering a bit of his stamina, the griffon rolled onto his legs and lifted himself, only to fall again onto the floor as his legs gave out. With an unamused face, the young griffon let out one complaint.
“… Why?”
Not wanting to let this continue, the young blue pegasi begrudgingly helped the griffon up, though not without a fair punishment as Gallus nearly barfed upon being suplexed by the young pegasi, before being set onto the floor.
“W-Why d-did you do that-!?” The young griffon asked as the feeling of nausea coursed through his entire body. Midnight couldn’t help but laugh as he began to properly help Gallus by planting his feet onto the ground firmly.
“Well, you did ask me to lift you, but you never told me how.” The lieutenant general stated, laughing a bit. “As for the muscle and food problem, I wouldn’t worry if I were you. You’ll be eating enough food for those muscles to grow in no time.” The young pegasi assured before looking at the young griffon. “You did eat before coming here right?”
With Gallus shaking his head, Midnight face-hooved before he began to lead Gallus outside of Shining’s office and towards the cafeteria, grabbing him by the shoulder to make sure that he wouldn’t collapse onto the floor again. Passing through the large white doors, Midnight signaled the young griffon to come towards the lunchmare who was already preparing food for breakfast. Noticing the two boys, she smiles as she leaned over the counter to greet them.
“Hey, Midnight! Who’s the young fella?” The golden earth pony says as she examines the blue griffon. Wanting to address her, Gallus lifts one of his claws to wave at her, smiling while doing so. After clearing his throat, Midnight began to present the two to each other.
“Well let me introduce you to him. This is Gallus. Gallus, this is the cafeteria mare who never bothered to mention her name to me.” Midnight said casually, causing Gallus to snicker as the lunchmare deadpanned before rolling her eyes.
“Welp I guess that’s what I earn after flirting with him without ever mentioning my name…” The golden mare muttered before smiling again. “Well my name is Sunny Side ‘Up’, what could I do for ya? And no, the ‘Up’ part isn’t part of my name.” The mare added before the young griffon could comment on that part of her name. Meanwhile, Midnight took the opportunity to order for the recruit
“How about a bagel?” The young blue pegasi requested, which the golden mare happily obliged. After buttering up the two sides of bread with cream cheese and jelly, the lunch mare passed the tasty treat to the hungry griffon who immediately began to wolf it down. “And if you want I could order another one for you.” Midnight said, smiling upon seeing his subordinate savoring the meal.
“What about you? Are you going to eat anything?” The golden mare asked the blue pegasi, who shook his head.
“You know me, I don’t need to eat much. I’ve trained enough for my body to become efficient enough with what I already had last night.” Midnight responded, waiting for the young griffon to finish his meal before patting him in the back. “Alright, it’s time to leave. Say your goodbye if you want.” The young blue pegasi said, and thus Gallus waved goodbye at the golden mare who simply smiled.
“Hope things go well for you in the military. Cause you’ll need it.” The golden mare said as Gallus and Midnight left the cafeteria. Looking back at the mare as they walked outside of the cafeteria, the young griffon asked Midnight a question that had been bugging him since her introduction.
“So it’s true that she never told her name to you? Even though she was flirting with you?” Gallus asked, with visible confusion on his face. After blinking for a moment, the young blue pegasi looked at him, his head tilting to the side.
“Yeah, she never told me her name. Wonder why.” Midnight said, not even hearing Gallus state the fact that she had flirted with him, as if he was either unaware or didn’t care. “Anyways, considering that this is your first day, I won’t train you till tomorrow. I know how stressful it must’ve been to apply, so instead, I’ll be asking you some basic questions. I want to know you better so that my training style will fit you the best. Alright?” Midnight asked. Seeing this as a better alternative than falling onto the ground for the next few hours, Gallus decided to agree to this.
“Yes sir.”
“And don’t call me sir, at least for now. I’m barely younger than you, and it feels weird that an eighteen-year-old is saying ‘sir’ to another eighteen-year-old. I’m not that old. So just call me by my name which is Midnight. Got that?” The young blue pegasi said, his eyes darting to the side as he still felt a bit uncomfortable being referred to as ‘sir’.
“Hmph, you remind me what Headmaster Twilight Sparkle wrote in her Friendship Journal, and how she wasn’t comfortable being called a Princess, especially by her friends,” Gallus stated, recalling one of the lessons that Twilight and her friends taught him in their Friendship School. Midnight couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh.
“Oh, you mean the Friendship Journal ? Yeah, I read that too during my free time. Even though my studies are now solely related to the military, I can’t help but learn other things, which was something I picked up from Twilight.” The young pegasi said with a grin, causing Gallus to raise an eyebrow.
“You’re making it sound like you two knew each other.” The young griffon commented, but this time Midnight placed a hoof on his beak as he chuckled.
“Hey hey now, I said that I was going to be the one asking questions, not you. Perhaps I will answer that, but in due time.” The young pegasi said in a fashion that showed that he was not diverting the question but simply preferred to have things go the way he planned. After considering between the option of pressing on his question or going with the flow, Gallus nodded.
“Alright, guess I could ask that question later. Hit me up.” The young griffon said, before doubling over as he felt the young blue pegasi uppercutting his stomach. As the young griffon began to groan onto the ground, Midnight couldn’t help but smile.
“Hey! Why did you hit me!?” The young griffon said, clutching his stomach. At least it didn’t hurt, but it certainly caught him off guard.
“You told me to ‘Hit you up’.” The blue pegasi said, smiling not because he liked to inflict pain, but because he liked using their words against themselves.
“I-”
“Not Sorry. And consider it as part of your training. If worse comes to pass you’re going to have to take a lot of hits, so either learn to dodge or learn how to cope with the pain. Alright, kid?” The young blue pegasi, his grin becoming even wider as Gallus began to protest.
“We’re the same age, don’t call me a kid-”
“Well somebody’s going to have to annoy and mess around with you like it always happens in those military stories. Look at the bright side though. At least you won’t get bored to death by the other guys.” Midnight said, and slowly the young griffon began to smile, before beginning to stand up again.
“Welp, at least that’s something good I have in for me. So when are you going to start asking those ques-”
“DODGE!”
“Ow!”
“Not Sorry.” Midnight said after ‘lightly’ punching Gallus in the stomach again, barely giving him time to properly place his feet on the floor as the griffon fell onto the ground again. The griffon simply deadpanned as he remained on the floor.
“You’re going to keep doing that right?”
“Yep.”
“Every. Single. Day?”
“Nope.”
“Then when-”
“DODGE!”
“Ow!”
“Whenever I feel like it, and I think I have enough fun today.” Midnight said, trying his best not to laugh at the fallen griffon. Gallus let out a sigh of relief as he began to lift himself again.
“Oh great! Now I’ll finally be able to go through an hour without my face being on the-”
“DODGE!”
“Ow!”
“Never let your guard down, that’s one of the many rules that I made up that you’ll have to be learning. Now let’s go to the gym, I’m itching for some training.” The young blue pegasi said, stretching his wings as he guided him towards the gym.
“But what about the ques-”
“DODGE!”
“Ow!”
After going to the gym to continue his ‘training’ with Midnight, the young light blue griffon fell onto the ground for what felt like the thousandth time as his superior stretched his wings, smirking at the young griffon. Midnight had begun to ‘teach’ Gallus the ways of dodging, to ‘feel the wind before the blow’, but unfortunately for Gallus… he wasn’t getting the hang of it to say the least.
“I think it’s time for us to end this session.” The young blue pegasi said, causing the young griffon to groan.
“Yeah, no kidding,” Gallus said, wanting to enter a hint of sarcasm. Unfortunately, when he tried to do it the first time, their lesson, instead of ending two hours ago, went on till right now, something the young griffon regretted. He found out the hard way that either Midnight took jokes too seriously or that he liked to turn them against his opponents. It’s not like Midnight didn’t know how to tell jokes, he had managed to cause Gallus to laugh a few dozen times before he hit him again, obviously, but it seemed that he wanted to teach Gallus some of the rules in a more… ‘unconventional’ way.
“No, I’m serious. It’s already sunset.” The blue pegasi said, causing the young griffon to look up towards the huge windows that adorned the walls of the gym, and sure enough, the sun was no longer visible, having already set over the horizon, with Luna’s moon taking its place.
“How I’m not surprised… are we going to eat now?” The young blue griffon asked as he began to lift himself. Surprisingly though, he found out that he was able to do the task much more easily compared to earlier that day. Perhaps it was because he had a decent meal, or maybe because Midnight’s ‘unconventional’ way of teaching did work. He remembered how his professors would teach him in the Friendship School, and while he initially thought their methods of teaching were absurd, he slowly realized that he found himself learning much faster the magic of friendship, which allowed him to connect with his friends. Perhaps Midnight’s teachings were based on those principles, being both weird, but also helpful.
“Yeah, let’s eat, you deserve it. I honestly expected that you’d give up a few hours back so we could go ahead and do our survey, but I guess we’ll be doing that when we eat.” Midnight said, with an amused smile appearing on his face as Gallus simply stared at him. “Yes, you could’ve just given up easily and I would’ve been fine with it, but what would you learn from that? Nothing. Most of the guards choose ‘the easy’ path, doing the minimum they have to do to pass. I attribute this as one of the main causes that our military is a bit defunct. No, not a bit. It’s a complete train wreck. The guard is more of a propaganda thing than anything, hence why the Changeling Invasion… went as bad as it went.” Midnight said, his voice trailing off a bit at the mentioning of that event, before smiling at Gallus. “But you? Well, you continuously pushed on, even when your body screamed not to. That’s some type of determination that I’ve never seen before, and something I’m rather impressed with. You might be weak at this moment, but I do not doubt that you’ll become the next Captain of the Royal Guard someday in the future. Of course, you’re going to be trained how I want you to be trained because I feel like the other way is inefficient at best. It will be hard, but it’ll make you a better guard compared to others, alright?” Midnight said, smirking a bit, but he could tell that the young griffon was still somewhat unamused.
“Does hitting me to the ground for a straight six hours count as part of my ‘training’?” Gallus asked, causing Midnight to nervously chuckle before laughing.
“Yep. Those counts. As long as it works, it works. But anyway I think you’d prefer to go to the cafeteria for a nice plate of food instead of being thrown to the floor for the next few hours right? And hey. Just because I can throw sneak attacks doesn’t mean you can’t. I think Shining Armor said that you have a history of causing pranks back in the Friendship School. I plan to use everything I know about you so that my program could suit you, which is why I’ll be giving you those questions that you asked me before soon.” The young lieutenant general said as he lifted Gallus, cleaning the dust and sweat from him before guiding him back to the cafeteria.
“I’m going to be so sore tomorrow am I?” The young griffon asked, causing Midnight to softly smile.
“You will. Luckily for you, I’m a nice pony, and so there’ll be this schedule of intense training days followed by more peaceful ones. Depending on how well you’re going, those peaceful ones might either become a free day or just some light training or meditation. If I constantly beat you up every single day, not only would we get bored, but you won’t gain much growth, since muscles need both training and rest to grow. Sounds fair?”
“Better than being bored every single day right?” Gallus groaned as he began to lift himself, causing Midnight to smile yet again.
“Now that’s the spirit! So who do you think I most resemble out of all of your professors?” Midnight asked, starting his series of questions as he helped the young griffon maintain his balance on the floor. After thinking about it for a moment the young blue griffon answered.
“Rainbow Dash. She’s one of the cooler teachers, but also a bit annoying, especially when it comes to pranks. And considering you threw me down at least a hundred times, you’re around her level in terms of annoyance… a good annoyance mind you. She on the other… hoof? Claw? Hand? Erm… not so much.” Gallus stated, causing Midnight to smirk.
“Well unfortunately for you, Shining Armor is on the lookout for her, because she’s been pranking a lot of ponies within this military base, and if she finds you, welp I’m guessing that you’ll be having a bad time am I right?” Midnight asks, to which Gallus thinks about it for a moment.
“Probably yes. I’m no longer her student, so she has no obligation to limit herself anymore towards me. She could prank me as much as she wants and I won’t be able to do much against her.” The young griffon responded, already dreading such an event. Soon the two reached the cafeteria doors, and after meeting Sunny Side again and ordering their food, the two sat next to each other to begin the survey.
“So, any reason you wanted to join the Royal Guard? Was it to become stronger? To protect others? Or simply out of curiosity?” Midnight asked, causing Gallus to ponder on how he wanted to say his words.
“Well I came here for various reasons… and well… one of them is Griffonstone.” The young griffon said after a short moment of silence, causing Midnight to become a bit confused.
“Griffonstone? Ain’t that your home? Are you trying to say to me that you hated that place and never wanted to come back there? Isn’t that the place where Gilda and Gabby are? Are they not your friends? And what about reconstructing that city? Surely you could’ve become part of it right?” Midnight asks, to which Gallus simply sighed.
“You wouldn’t understand. Any memories I had there, weren’t the best, to say the least. I didn’t want to go back there, heck, I even destroyed a holiday or two to stay in Ponyville instead of Griffonstone, it’s that bad. Sure, Gilda and Gabby are ok, but I feel that they, especially Gilda, are meant to be there. I… I didn’t have a place there. And so instead of returning home after graduating from the Friendship School, I decided to conscript. At least I had a better chance of seeing my friends here than back home.” The griffon said, not sounding thrilled anymore. Midnight after understanding Gallus’s dilemma nods.
“Alright, I won’t judge. Is one of your goals is to be the Captain of the Royal Guard? It’s usually what every guard wants to become, and yet few put the effort in to do so.” Midnight asks, to which Gallus ponders about it again.
“Sort of. Don’t get me wrong that position is alluring, but well… if I were to become the Captain of the Royal Guard, well there would be one nice little quirk there.” Gallus said, smiling as he saw Midnight thinking about it for a moment before shrugging.
“I don’t know where you’re going with that. Explain.” Midnight asked.
“Oh well, I don’t know… being with Headmaster Twilight?” Gallus said, before gulping when he saw Midnight smiling, and given that Gallus hadn’t learned how to read faces, he began to think of the worst outcome, which caused his face to begin to blush. “Ok ok! Not in that way. I don’t look at her in… ya know? That specific way. But she’d be… another close friend that I’d have here if I were to be in the military ok? Midnight please, don’t think that I… like her in… that way.” Galus said, his body twitching as his face only became redder. Midnight on the other hoof simply laughed.
“I don't even know what you’re talking about, that’s what makes this so funny. What were you thinking that I was thinking about? And that’s a question that you’re going to have to answer.” Midnight stated, laughing even harder as the griffon began to stammer.
“I-I… I… Uh… No No No No! P-please! A-Any question but that one!” Gallus said, his claws on his face as he tried his best to cover his ever-increasing blush. The young blue pegasi couldn’t help but laugh as Gallus began to break down through his embarrassment and blushes.
“Welp you’re going to have to answer that. I have no idea what you’re talking about and a bit of knowledge wouldn’t mind. My friend was supposed to tell me at lunch and I haven’t seen her in… oh.” Midnight’s voice began to trail off as he began to realize something. At the same time, Gallus began to realize a shadow slowly creeping towards the young blue pegasi and realizing that Gallus was looking at something, Midnight simply gulped.
“She’s behind me isn’t she?” Midnight said, a hint of fear within his voice. For a moment, Gallus was a bit surprised that this was happening, before slowly nodding to answer his question. Sweating even harder as he felt the shadows touching his back, the young stallion decided to utter a few more words. “Before I ultimately die from being tickled to death, just know one rule… Don’t mess around with Moonlight…” The young blue pegasi said, before flapping his wings as hard as he could, barely holding back a yelp as a familiar purple thestral mare nearly grabbed him by the legs, her eyes penetrating deep into his soul as he began to fly away as fast as he could.
“I had to wait… for six bucking hours , nearly falling over and sleeping on the floor twenty times in a row, only to see that you forgot about our meeting?! You aren’t just going to get tickled to death! No siree mister! I’m making sure that you’re going to lose all nine lives from death by tickling!” The nocturnal pony said, grinning madly while showing a playful side, before flapping her wings and taking off towards the fleeing blue pegasi.
“Please! Have mercy!” Midnight yelled as he barely dodged another one of Moonlight’s tackle attacks. “Why don’t you be like Shining who always lets Rainbow off the hook?”
“Well that’s because he’s too slow to catch her, but unfortunately for you, you’re the slowpoke here… and now… I’ve got you!” The thestral said as she finally was able to grab Midnight by the waist before they crashed through the open window.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Ack!” The sound of Moonlight laughing and Midnight being tortured through tickles filled Gallus’s ears, who couldn’t help but lightly laugh as he continued to hear his superior struggle against the mare. “N-No! P-Please! Stop it! Y-you’re m-my only weakness! Stop tickling me! Stop. STOP!”
As Moonlight began dragging Midnight away towards her chambers so that she could properly tickle him as much as she wanted fills Gallus’s ears, the young griffon can’t help but smile, seeing this as a way of the universe repaying Midnight what he had done to Gallus. Perhaps this place wasn’t so bad after all.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Chapter 4:
Day 6:
“Welcome back students to yet another session of your health class.” The cyan unicorn said, trying to sound cheerful but failing to bring in any real sense of joy. Around him, he could see how tired his students had already become, not that he would judge them. The truth was that No Nut November was truly the hardest challenge a stallion could ever go through, with the one exception called Destroy Dick December, and that part was 'optional'. He understood how hard it must be holding everything back, but that was how this month worked.
“I know it must be tough already because by now we’re producing six times that of usual, so I understand the strain you must all be feeling. From now on, the lectures shall be optional, though you'll still be forced to stay inside here, but anyway, I’ll go ahead and continue our lesson.” The professor said, allowing a few seconds for his students to get comfortable before he booted up the monitor.
Immediately some of the more inexperienced males looked away in embarrassment while others simply grimaced as they realized what they were going to study for today. At least the professor decided to show them now rather than later during the month.
“As I already mentioned before, a ‘CumPocalypse’ could be created by a single Hyper Stallion. Now, these aren’t just any regular stallions with a small increase in size. No, you’re dealing with the big leagues. Hyper Stallions are 50% bigger than average, and while that might seem small, when you consider how big average stallions are already, you could see why these special ponies are called Hyper Stallions. Not only are they bigger in both length and girth, but their sperm production is also massively greater than the average stallion, able to create liters upon liters of the substance like an endless waterfall. Am I making you all feel uneasy? Yes, I am, but at least I brought up this subject today and not tomorrow because otherwise, it would’ve been harder for you guys to concentrate.” The unicorn said as he showed a model of how big a Hyper Stallion was compared to the average stallion. The fact that such stallions could grow to such size became a bit intimidating to some. Suddenly a student raised his hoof, prompting the unicorn to raise an eyebrow.
“Yes?”
“Are you a Hyper Stallion?” The young colt asked, causing everyone within the room to blush madly, with the professor lightly stammering.
“You don’t ask those types of questions here, especially during this month.” An older student said, reprimanding the younger one. The young colt shrank into his chair, feeling guilty that he had caused the rest to feel uncomfortable. After recovering from the small shock the student had given him, the teacher decided to give his answer.
“Well… if you truly wanted to know… yes… I am a Hyper Stallion.” The professor confessed, causing the rest to spin around, many being surprised, others shocked, while others even became scared. “Being a Hyper Stallion is a double-edged sword. On one hoof, you have greater resistance and control over yourself, but the downside is that if you do explode… Well, I already went over what would happen yesterday. But the Department of Education had decided to place me as your Health Class Teacher because they feel that my ability to control myself is strong enough to last me through the month, and I have gone through various Novembers and survived to prove it. The DOE prefers having a Hyper Stallion as a Health Teacher than a stallion who would probably blow himself up in front of a crowd of male students and start a chain reaction. A very… ‘messy’ one.” The professor said with a soft smile as he remembered countless memories from his past.
“So… how many Hyper Stallions are there? You said that the number had increased since No Nut November started right?” The young colt asked again, causing the rest of the classroom to groan as they realized that there was no point in stopping the kid and the best thing they could do was ignore him.
“Well yes, the number of Hyper Stallions and the frequency that they appear has increased over the centuries. The first-ever true Hyper Stallion was said to be King Sombra, and whether that was true or not does not matter. As of right now, around 0.001% of all males are Hyper Stallions, and while that might seem like a small number, it’s more than enough to flood the entire world. And that’s not including the 0.1% of stallions who are candidates for becoming Hyper Stallions. So yes there has been an increase of Hyper Stallions since Discord had been defeated. Any more questions?” The professor asked, holding up his pointer just in case nobody else wanted to ask.
“Uhm… Has there been any case where a colt had the size of a Hyper Stallion before becoming 19?” The same colt asked, causing one of his classmates to groan.
“It’s time to stop…”
“No no no no, this is a valid question that must be answered.” The cyan stallion said, shushing the student that had been interrupting the curious one. “I already told you that if you did not want to hear you could simply cover your ears or distract yourself in another way by reading a book or such. The answer is unknown actually. There had been cases where a colt was close to reaching Hyper Stallion status by the age of 18, but either they stopped growing or they became Hyper Stallions after becoming an adult, not before. In theory, though, it could be possible, and as time passes on, we might eventually run to the point where colts can reach ‘Hyper Stallion’ rank before becoming adults, perhaps forcing us to raise the bar or create a new rank. Chances are that civilization would’ve ended before we reached that point because of a ‘CumPocalypse’, so why bother inventing new things and improving our civilizations beyond the point it already is if all of our efforts will one day be destroyed by a massive flood of cum.” The professor replied.
“If we had the technology, would it be possible to find a way to-”
“Now that’s a different question for another day.” The professor interrupted. “Perhaps there’s enough time for Equestria to rapidly industrialize itself to find a technological solution to our dilemma and to save everyone from this sad ending. But we’ll be talking about that next time we’re all together.” The adult pony said, before changing the monitor to another screen.,
“I think I might’ve totaled him…” Moonlight said as Shining Armor softly glared at her.
“Might’ve? How about ‘You’ve Completely Wasted Him!’” The white unicorn yelled as they looked at the fallen pegasi that had been laid on a hospital bed as his body spasmed, his face looking silly as his tongue stuck outside of his mouth.
“How!? I just simply tickled him all over the place! My wings can’t be that lethal!” The grey-purple-tinted furred thestral declared, shaking her head and causing her lilac mane to sway a bit. The white unicorn simply deadpanned.
“Should I remind you what area of the military you’re within again?” Shining Armor said through his teeth. Moonlight placed a hoof on her chin as she began to think.
“I’m part of the Lunar Night Guard, we hide in the shadows, and we use quick and effective methods to take down infiltrators like instant knockout techniques, poison, paralysis, and sleeping darts, and we’re good at ‘convincing’ others.” The thestral said, with a hint of pride at the last sentence. The Prince of the Crystal Empire simply face hoofed.
“What do you usually dip your wings into?” The white unicorn groaned, trying to make Moonlight get his point. The young thestral simply smiled.
“Dipped them into some of the most powerful tranquilizers like Rohypnol, Carfentanil, and other powerful things, so that when I need to take out some infiltrator, I just need to lightly tap them with the tip of my wings and ‘BAM!’. Sleeping like a little foal.” The Lunar Night Guard said, smiling a bit as she remembered such missions where she was successfully able to knock out such ponies quickly.
“And what did you use to tickle him?” Shining Armor said flatly, tired from having to drag this conversation longer than it should’ve. The thestral simply beamed.
“With my wings of cou-”
“...-.-...”
“Oh.”
The thestral simply shuffled her hooves as she fell into a state of silence and embarrassment, looking back at Midnight as she realized that his state of pain had been caused by her. Of course, just because she was guilty didn’t exactly mean she wanted to take the full blame.
“Isn’t he like… Immune to toxins and such? He told me that he could resist those things and that tickling wouldn’t do a single thing!” Moonlight stated only for Shining Armor to face hoof once again.
“Ok, let’s just say that you’re right, that Midnight is immune to most toxins, but due to the intensity of the toxins, it ‘neutralizes’ his ability to become unaffected by everything else. Moonlight, how much do you know about torture techniques and ‘tickling’?” The white stallion asked, not amused at all.
“Uhm… Tickling is a torture device...right?” The thestral asked, but being unsure of her answer and visibly showing it caused Shining Armor to groan even louder.
“Yes. It. Is. And. Do. You. Know. What. It. Means. To. Be. ‘Tickled. To. Death’?”
“I don’t like how you’re saying each word one at a time, it’s making me feel uncomfortable. Uhm… no?” The thestral said, shuddering a bit as she felt uneasy about how her superior was acting towards her.
“Let me make it clear… Even if Midnight is immune to toxins, the fact that the toxins would be so powerful enough to cancel out his ability to resist anything else, when you tickle him, and I’m guessing you drove it on all night long… You could’ve bucking killed him! I already have to deal with that annoying pegasus called Rainbow Dash and the military being a train wreck, I do not want to deal with something else!” The white stallion yelled out loud, clearly showing that this November hadn’t been easy on him, and it was taking all of his willpower to not only blow himself up in a ‘Cumplosion’ but also to hold his emotions together. The military had always become a train wreck every November, which forced Shining to do most of the reorganization, and with Rainbow constantly causing chaos everywhere, his job had only gotten more difficult and stressful.
Given that Midnight would usually read to her some stories from the Friendship Journal, Moonlight had heard that when Shining became a father, he went through a lot of stress thanks to Flurry being, well Flurry. The only thing that helped him was his wife, but now that she was not here anymore due to NNN, Moonlight understood why Shining Armor had become so tired and frustrated.
“Oops.” The thestral let out, which caused Shining Armor to groan even louder as he perceived this as Moonlight just now understanding the severity of the situation. After using some breathing techniques, the white unicorn slid down onto a nearby chair and just sighed.
“Just… Forget about it… Stay here if you want… I have to do some more reorganization here in the military… Tell me when he wakes up.” The Captain of the Royal Guard said, panting a bit after letting out his frustration, before charging his magic and teleporting himself away. Moonlight stayed in her spot, thinking about what had just happened, but before she could begin to worry about the Captain’s condition, she heard a soft gasp behind her. Turning herself around, it was to her pleasant surprise to see her favorite blue pegasi finally regaining control over his body. After a minute or two, Midnight finally woke up, staring towards the ceiling before his vision landed onto the thestral.
“Uhm… What happened?” The young pegasi asked, disoriented as he tried to lift himself from the bed only to nearly fall onto the ground. Moonlight immediately helped the young colt up as paralyzation still ran over his entire body.
“Tickled you with my wings; You got Paralyzed.” The thestral stated as she tried to help Midnight. After another minute, the young pegasi shook his entire body as it began to function again.
“Oh… why did you tickle me again?” Midnight asked, his memory being scrambled a bit after having been unconscious for a few hours. “The only thing I remember was being with Gallus and then you swooping in and knocking me unconscious.” The young blue pegasi simply scratched his head in confusion as he tried to remember.
“Hmm, you seem to have a theme for forgetting things, like… I don’t know… forgetting about your meeting with me during lunchtime?” Moonlight said, raising an eyebrow at Midnight as he began to scratch the back of his dark blue mane in embarrassment.
“Oops… welp, I guess I kind of deserved what I got right?” The young pegasi said, laughing nervously. “I think I remember what happened yesterday… luckily I didn’t feel most of the pain, just the lack of air… or did the lack of pain come directly from the lack of oxygen?” Midnight then yawned as he still felt tired from Moonlight’s tickle assault that she had given him throughout the night until he went unconscious. After resting a little longer, the young blue pegasi settled his hooves onto the ground, his body shaking from time to time as he still had to recover a lot after being nearly tickled to death, literally speaking.
“It’s my fault actually, I pushed things a bit too far. I should’ve stopped once an hour passed but I kept going until you went unconscious.” The thestral said, shuffling her hooves as she fell into embarrassment.
“No, it’s fine. Uhm… where is Gallus? Do you think he slept in the cafeteria? Cause I didn’t assign him to a sleeping quarter, and neither did Shining I believe.” The young pegasi asked a bit worried that his new subordinate had been forced to sleep in the cafeteria. Moonlight placed a hoof on his shoulder to calm him down in case he was starting to panic. Luckily for her, this wasn’t necessary as Midnight continued to remain calm.
“I believe Gallus went up to Shining Armor soon after I captured you and thus he was assigned to our quarters. He’ll be staying there until Shining can reorganize the military. He was a bit mad at me for recklessly causing such actions, but he soon calmed down a few minutes before you woke up… no hard feelings?” Moonlight asked, to which the young blue pegasi nodded.
“Yeah, no hard feelings. Just give me a warning next time alright? And please don’t drag it on for the entire night. I still feel sore from what you gave me yesterday.” Midnight said, wincing a bit as his shoulder cramped up a bit.
“I could give you a massage! I have some oil that we could use. It’d be fun Midnight, feeling your muscles and releasing all of that tension from them. Making you relax~ You could even do the same thing to me and rub your hooves over my curves if you want~” The thestral suggested, for a moment losing herself to her lust as her mind wandered off to the potential scenes that could play during the massage. Some were peaceful and innocent, others… were ‘a hot mess’ so to speak.
“I’ll pass for now… maybe some other day? I don’t think the massage would help, and it’ll only knock me out again.” The young pegasi said, missing Moonlight’s tone of lust. “I think I’ll be doing something else alright? Like meeting up with Gallus?”
“Alright alright, I guess that’s an option. Go ahead, I have some things I must do.” The thestral said, smiling at Midnight before spreading her wings and dropping out of the window, before flying away. After seeing her disappear around the corner, Midnight began to walk outside of the door, nearly tripping himself over at one time due to his high level of exhaustion. It didn’t take him long to go to the cafeteria, where he met Sunny once again.
“Heard you were unconscious, boy. Must be hungry eh?” The golden mare asked, to which Midnight weakly smiled.
“I am. Anything I could eat?” The young pegasi asked, to which the mare nodded as she headed towards the fridge.
“Everything that you could ask for here is available. What do you want then?” The mare asked, smiling at Midnight, who pondered a bit on what he should choose.
“Hmm… how about some Sunny Side?” The pegasi responded, only to become confused as the mare began to blush as she began to ponder on the various alternative meanings that such a sentence could bring.
“So you want me~?” The golden mare asked flirtatiously, winking at him, only to softly laugh at his confused face. “Oh, I remember when I used that joke to try and flirt with you. I’m pretty sure though that you want the food that goes by the name ‘Sunny Side’, and not the mare huh?” The lunchmare asked, to which Midnight nodded with confusion. “Well, let me get it ready. At least I’m not a baker. Otherwise, I would’ve asked you to put ‘The Bun in the Oven’ for me. I could still do that joke if you want some bread on the side.”
“I wouldn’t understand the joke, but I’d certainly like some bread as well.” Midnight said, blinking in confusion as the mare began to laugh again.
“Oh Midnight, sometimes you’re too innocent.” The mare said, before pushing him a plate of food that had everything that he ordered. “Enjoy your food. Catch you around.” The mare said, smiling as he left to find a table to sit in.
He was still confused of course. This always happened once in a while, but it seemed that it’d only increase during November and in Spring as well. Why? Why did that always happen? Especially towards him? He found it a bit annoying that while he didn’t understand anything, the others around him did though. Why was he the only one clueless? Why didn’t they target the rest who’d understand their true intentions? Did they target him simply because he was ‘innocent’, by whatever that meant? Or because they knew something he didn’t know? The fact that he didn’t know made him even more confused, but by the end, he decided that if he wanted to know what was going on, he should ask Moonlight. She had promised to explain everything to him, and he figured that she’d be as willing as she had been before to explain it. Perhaps that might be where he could gain his explanations.
But that would have to wait until later, right now the only thing he could do was to eat his food and regain his lost energy. Hopefully, when they cross paths again, Moonlight would be able to explain everything to him and that he’d be able to understand it.
Now, what was he going to do? Ah yes! Check up on Gallus. And then maybe go ask Moonlight? It sounded like a fair plan to him, and after pondering on it for a few moments, he settled on it. First Gallus, maybe Shining, then Moonlight.
Thus, with that question out of the way, the young blue pegasi continued to enjoy his meal, hoping for the best.
Author's Note
Please Read This... If You Want!
Hey! Thank you for going over the Author's Notes, you might find some interesting things here!
So the first thing I want to address is that if I were to create a sequel, I already have an idea for it! This leads to a different issue, which is if this story should be Anthro or Pony. I never explicitly stated if this story had Anthro or Regular Ponies, and if you actually take a moment to look through the story you'll find some hints showing that I do not know whether to make this story Anthro or Regular.
For Example, Gallus says the following in chapter 3.
You'll also find me accidentally typing 'Hand' instead of 'Hoof' in other chapters. Now, I could simply make it Anthro since the sequel would most likely be using anthro characters to... spice things up. However, I'm inclining to make this story just have Regular Ponies, due to the term 'colts', 'stallions', 'mares', etc. There wouldn't be much use for Anthro ponies in this specific story, maybe in the sequel, but not here.
So I ask of you that when you read my future chapters, just mentally choose between the characters being anthro or regular ponies. Or if you want to help me, vote if you want both this story and its sequel to be either Anthro or Regular Ponies (Feral for Short), or just one of them to be say Anthro while the other would be Regular.
Another point I want to bring up is ideas, mainly jokes. I only have a limited number of ideas and jokes, and while storywise I have no lack of ideas, when it comes to jokes, I feel that eventually they'll begin to run dry and become repetitive. So I ask you guys to brainstorm and submit other jokes. It doesn't matter what type of joke, remember the setting of the story, sex jokes are fine, but so are regular ones. Feel free to bring anything to the table, and I'm happy with any theories and other ideas (apart from jokes) that you guys will bring.
Finally, on the subject of characters, there are some like 'The Professor', 'The Students', Sunny Side, 'Guards', 'Rainbow's Victims', and such that don't really have a straightforward personality and are just kind of there. Of course 'The Professor' and Sunny Side have been thought a bit more better, but I want to give them the respect they should have as characters, to make them more complete. So I ask of you guys to help be expand their characters, as well as help me correct the interpretation of other characters like Rainbow, Shining, and Gallus, with the setting of the story in mind. Correct me on my interpretation of the 'Canon' Characters (all characters originally from mlp) and help me construct better my 'Side Characters' (every character that appears once every chapter or so but aren't part of the actual story).
Everything helps me, and so feel free to comment about anything. And thank you for supporting my story. I hope I will live up to your expectations and continue to provide you good content. Any ideas are accepted at the table, as well as criticisms. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and stay tuned for the next chapter!
Midnight Blitzer, signing out!
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
Hello, it's me again! I've finally returned over here! It's been a long time since I've posted a chapter right?
My original plan was to write this story only in November, but thinking back to it, I want to finish writing this story, so expect some updates coming here. Hopefully, I'm able to release this chapter with the same energy as last time, but without further ado, let's begin!
Rag Doll
Chapter 5:
It didn't take long for Midnight to finish his meal, and after exiting the cafeteria, the young blue pegasi found himself in front of the dormitory. Knowing that Gallus hadn’t been given any assignments and that according to Moonlight, Shining had allowed the young griffon to stay in their dormitories, Midnight knew that he would be within the room. Knocking on the door the male pegasi began to call for Gallus.
“Hey, Gallus! Are you in there?” Midnight yelled as his voice traveled through the door. A sudden ‘oomph!’ was heard as the young pegasi sensed that something, or rather, some griffon, had fallen onto the floor due to his sudden yell. After hearing some groans of pain being emitted, Midnight couldn’t help but smile when the door was opened and he saw Gallus who seemed very tired.
“I knew getting thrown around like a rag doll was going to hurt me the next day…” The light blue griffon muttered to himself before noticing Midnight. “Hey. How was your stay in the hospital after nearly getting tickled to death?” Gallus sneered, trying to use the little advantage Moonlight had given him to provoke the young lieutenant general. Unfortunately for him, Midnight simply shrugged it off.
“It had its fun merits I guess if you look at it from a certain direction. Beats getting thrown like a rag doll though.” Midnight replied with a grin, causing the young griffon to groan.
“You know, the only reason I end up getting thrown around like that is because somepony keeps yelling out-”
“DODGE!”
“-and now I’m screwed.” The young griffon managed to get out before getting ‘lightly’ punched in the stomach. “Seriously that is going to get very old very fast sir,” Gallus stated, which only caused the young pegasi’s grin to widen even further, and the griffon could see a small shimmer in his eyes.
“Well, I guess I’ll have to milk it as much as I can before that happens.” Midnight simply said. “So my young recruit, what shall it be? Shall we resume the Q&A we had last night, or do you want to continue your dodging sessions?” Midnight asked. The young griffon was about to open his mouth and yell out the first option when he suddenly remembered where they left off, and he immediately began to stutter.
“I-I...I- could we choose neither?” Gallus asked, only to groan as he could see Midnight’s smirk increase.
“No. Either you answer the question we left off with, or back to training you how to dodge.” The young blue pegasi stated. Gallus, in desperation to escape both scenarios, tried to find something to distract Midnight with.
“Uhm… Uhm… ” Gallus looked around to see what he could use, when he suddenly spotted a familiar cyan pegasus looking out from the window, clearly spectating his suffering. Realizing that he could, as the saying went, potentially ‘kill two birds with one stone’, Gallus mustered up his strength before blurting out his next sentence.
“Rainbow Dash is deeply in love and wants to share a bed with you tonight!” Gallus yelled out of desperation. Childish, he knew, and even more embarrassing to say, but given the alternatives, it might be the only way to squirm his way out, a small price for salvation.
“Wait wut?”
Before Midnight could get his answer, the two suddenly began to hear something in the background that only continued to increase in sound until they finally were able to hear the nearly ear-splitting screech.
“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…!”
Upon noticing something, Gallus immediately nudged Midnight’s shoulder, causing him to glance up at the window and see Rainbow Dash waving her hooves madly before being knocked onto the ground by a purple blur. Realizing the potential damage the ensuing brawl could cause, Midnight widened his eyes before opening and jumping off the window to try and prevent the fight from escalating further. Gallus simply took the opportunity to silently leave the dormitory.
Midnight dropped onto the ground and noticed a familiar purple bat pony beating up Rainbow Dash, who was doing her best to fight back. Immediately Midnight jumped into the fray before spitting the two mares off.
“What’s going on!?” Midnight yelled, trying to make sense of the situation. Moonlight however continued to act aggressively towards Rainbow, who shrunk under the thestral’s glare.
“SHE’S TRYING TO STEAL YOU AWAY FROM ME!” Moonlight roared, tears dropping from her eyes as she nearly jumped out of Midnight’s grasp. Rainbow in the meantime desperately shook her head.
“Nonononono! That isn’t true, that isn’t true! Why would I try to steal Midnight from you!? Wait! You two aren’t even in a relationship! How would I be stealing him in the first place!?” The cyan pegasi yelled desperately, and the two continued to argue, confusing Midnight more and more by each passing second.
“You’re lying! You just want to keep him for yourself and use him as your cuddle pillow because he’s cute and fluffy! NOW BE GONE!” Moonlight yelled, breaking away from Midnight, but before she could resume the fight, she was suddenly grabbed by a magical aura before being placed down on the ground. The sudden freeze caused her to be confused and lose her anger, and it didn’t take long for them to turn around and see Shining Armor looking down at them.
“What’s going on!?” The Captain of the Royal Guard yelled, visibly angry at both Rainbow and Moonlight. Trying to defuse the situation, Midnight stepped in front of the white stallion to address him.
“Moonlight and Rainbow were fighting, apparently… over me? Moonlight says that Rainbow is trying to steal me while Rainbow states that it was a misunderstanding.” Midnight stated. Shining Armor simply nodded before staring down at Moonlight, who now being relieved of her anger fell into embarrassment.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” Shining Armor asked. The young thestral let off a soft sigh before turning to look at Rainbow.
“Sorry Rainbow… It’s just that I always get defensive around Midnight you know? He’s my friend and I don’t want anybody to steal him!” Moonlight said. Rainbow silently nodded.
“It’s fine. I know when a mare is madly in love with another stallion, and you’re a perfect example of that. You’re just defending your territory I guess.” The cyan pegasi stated, causing Moonlight to blush while Midnight only became more confused. “I think it was Gallus who caused all of this. He noticed that I was watching him and Midnight from outside and I think he wanted to weasel his way out of something and said that I loved Midnight or something, which triggered Moonlight. So it’s not your fault Moonlight.” Rainbow Dash stated, causing Moonlight to release a small fume while Midnight and Shining became disappointed.
“Yeah, he was supposed to decide to either train or answer a Q&A, but of course he’d choose the low option of escaping. I’m fairly certain though that the brawl was unintentional.” Midnight stated while Shining Armor nodded.
“Yeah. I’m going to have a small talk with him, though you have to understand Midnight that while you went to the extremes during your training, you have to take in mind the limits of others alright?” The white unicorn said. Midnight nodded.
“Alright.” The young blue pegasi said before turning to look at the two mares who silently stared at each other. Midnight simply let out a smile. “I wouldn’t mind being used as a pillow for both of you if you want, just don’t start a brawl over who’s turn is it ok?” Midnight offered innocently, causing both mares to blush madly, Rainbow especially as she looked nervously at Moonlight.
“I-I-I… Uhm… Thank you for that offer squirt… but uhm… yeah thanks!” Rainbow nervously laughed, while secretly wondering how to use this to her advantage. A potential prank that she could exploit? Most definitely, especially if she decided to pull this against unprepared stallions.
“Can I cash it in for a chance for a massage session?” Moonlight asked, equally as opportunistic as Rainbow to use Midnight’s offer to her advantage. The young innocent pegasi nodded, causing her to nearly squeal. “Yesyesyesyesyes! Thank you Midnight!” The thestral exclaimed joyfully before pulling Midnight into a hug, making sure to rub his face into her soft furry chest. Rainbow simply blushed at Moonlight’s actions.
“Anyways Ight Imma Head Out before Shining Armor remembers that he’s supposed to capture me. Bye!” Rainbow yelled before spreading her wings and flapping away, just in time for Shining Armor to realize what he’s supposed to do.
“DAMN YOU RAINBOW!” Shining yelled as he tried to use his magic to grab her telepathically, but the mare was already gone.
“You snooze, you lose!” Rainbow yelled from a distance, her voice becoming faint. The white unicorn simply groaned before leaving behind Moonlight and Midnight, who was still firmly held against the thestral’s chest tightly.
“So uhm… Moonlight?”
“Yes, dear?” The young bat pony asked as she began to ruffle the pegasi’s mane.
“You want to explain to me what you said you were going to tell me?” Midnight asked. The thestral simply blinked before blushing as she continued to stroke the young colt’s mane.
“Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to learn now that you’ve asked. But first, let’s go to the doctor.” Moonlight said as she and Midnight spread their wings and flew back into the building, yet the young blue pegasi was confused.
“Wait. The doctor? Why?” Midnight asked. Moonlight gave him a soft smile.
“While I’d be happy to explain to you what NNN means, I need as much info about you and your ‘tool’ as possible. There’s just no way you shouldn’t know, and that’s why we’ll be heading to the doctor. Sounds fair?”
“Sounds fair.” Midnight replied. He would’ve refused to go to the doctor after just leaving the hospital just a few hours ago, yet he couldn’t refute that he wasn’t at least a bit interested in knowing about NNN and the other things that Moonlight wanted to explain to him. The young thestral simply smiled as they walked to the hospital and met a white mare with a red mane. The young nurse instantly noticed the pair and beamed at them.
“Hello there! My name is Health Check! What brings you two over here?” The young pegasi mare asked, looking at the young pair of guards. Moonlight simply smiled back.
“We’re here for something. You see, my friend Midnight not only does not know what NNN is, but is resistant to it, so we’re here to understand why.” The purple thestral stated, causing Health Check to simply blink.
“Never?” The nurse asked incredulously, looking at Midnight. “How old are you dear?”
“Eighteen.” Midnight stated, causing Health Check to blink again.
“T-That should be impossible! May I check your wingspan?” The nurse asked. Midnight nodded as he began to spread his wings. It came to her shock when she realized they were way bigger than normal. “Oh, dear.” Health Check muttered.
“Is there something wrong?” Moonlight asked, though she already could tell based on the nurse’s eyes that she was trying her best to hold a blush. The nurse quickly shook her head.
“No, but I think your… is it safe that I can say that he’s your colt friend?” The nurse asked, to which Moonlight quickly nodded with a grin. “...well… May I borrow your colt friend for further examination? Or is he sensitive to being touched ‘down there’?” The nurse asked, causing Moonlight’s smile to slightly waver.
“H-He’s very sensitive down there… he’s been innocent for so long… and I want to make our moment special ya know?” Moonlight stated, blushing as she continued to follow the cover story that they were in a relationship. Even though deep down she had a hint of jealousy that they were just friends, she hoped that when the young colt finally learned that they could blossom into something bigger. The nurse nodded in understanding.
“I understand that sentiment. So instead of manually doing the procedure, we’ll be conducting a magical scan/projection on him, since I understand that you want to… be the one to active his screwdriver for the first time when you two get busy. You have the option of coming along with us as we perform the check-up.” The white mare said, and thus the trio of ponies went inside another room to begin the procedure.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
This chapter is short, for a few reasons. I suddenly stalled on this story's production, and thus I need some time to resume it. I feel that I will end up trying to focus as much as my attention to update this constantly. Luckily there were no real repercussions from having taken the break because I had already planned to move onto the next phase of the story.
It will take me a while to adjust to writing with the NNN style, but I promise you that things will start to roll well as I accommodate myself. Feel free to write some comments and suggestions, and thank you for waiting for me. Anyway enjoy the chapter and I hope it bodes well with you.
PS: The first part of the chapter is based on a recommended question given by Zafire , which you can check by looking in last chapter's comments. You can also do this too, and I'll be happy to use the teacher's part to answer those questions. Also, names, I want to give those two characters a name and maybe more defined characteristics, specifically their looks, so feel free to drop some suggestions. But let's go ahead with the chapter.
The Exposition
Chapter 7:
Day 7:
The cyan unicorn took a deep breath, his legs shaking as he walked towards the front of the class. He turned around and to his dismay, already a quarter of his students were missing. Giving a moment of silence for those who have fallen and for those who’ll fall, the unicorn then held up a pointer and flipped it with his magic.
“Alright. I simply want to go ahead and congratulate you all for surviving this long. With our production at 7x that of usual, dozens of colts have sadly failed the challenge. We could only pray that whatever they’re feeling right now will pass quickly for them.” The unicorn said before turning towards the blank blackboard and the turned off monitor before sighing.
“Well, right now we can’t do very much. I can’t teach you guys anything without risking you from exploding, so here is what we’ll be going to do.” The unicorn said, before pulling out a long piece of rope and placing it in the center of the classroom. “I will be placing a soundproofing spell right where this line is. Anypony who wants to learn can pass over to my side of the room, and anybody who doesn’t can stay on the other. It’s your choice, and I’m not forcing you, but if you feel brave or risky enough, go ahead and step forward.” The unicorn stated. As he suspected, the entirety of the class stayed in their seats, unwilling to step over the line, that is until one brave familiar soul stepped over the red mark.
“C-could I ask you some questions then?” The colt asked, his legs shaking and his face covered in sweat, but otherwise, he seemed fine. The professor could help but give a light smile as he soon activated his horn and cast the spell.
“Sure thing kid. What do you want to ask?” The professor replied a bit saddened that nobody decided to step forward on the plate as well, but it was understandable due to the fear of failing and the consequences that would follow. The colt let out a nervous smile before pulling out a piece of paper.
“Uhm ok… Do futas have to go through NNN?” The colt blurted, causing the professor to take a double-take as he stepped back. He blinked at the colt who blushed.
“You’re assuming that futas even exist. Nevertheless, it’s a good question.” The professor remarked as he wrote on the board, placing an invisibility spell as well on both him, the student, and the board. “Futas have been passed down as myths and legends, as there is no historical evidence backing their existence. The first story about them revolves around a tribe called ‘The Amazonians’, one of many that broke off from Equestria during the Unification Period. Allegedly, there had been no futas in the tribe, that is until Discord arrived and in his chaos, turned various females into futas, most if not all of them in Hyper territory. Of course, none of this is backed by facts, but let’s just assume that they’re real and they’re hiding in the Undiscovered West.” The professor said, writing down some notes and symbols before proceeding.
“Being part mare part stallion, to create… their essence, they need testosterone. The curse increases testosterone, so they did likely pass through No Nut November as we do. However, given that during aerial surveillance from pegasi volunteers whenever a ‘cumpocalypse’ occurs there was no random sighting, we can draw three conclusions.” The professor took a deep breath before continuing.
“Scenario 1: Futas and The Amazonian Ponies don’t exist, period. It was just a myth, and they never entered the playing field ever.
Scenario 2: The Amazonian Tribe, being renowned for their alchemy skills in various classical tales, created a counter to the curse, but since we’re not able to find them through the lack of a cumexplosion whenever it does happen, we’ll likely never know the secret and we’ll all drown in the Final Cumplosion of Equestria.
And Scenario 3, and if they do exist this is starting to get backed up by new findings: Because they’re futas, and they were modified by Discord to have Hyper Level Sizes, their resistance may have grown to the point where they can’t lose the challenge, which might give hope for Equestria. If society somehow survives long enough for stallions to reach a Hyper Stage where they can’t burst, then Equestria is saved. But again, the most likely answer is that they simply don’t exist. Any more questions?” The cyan unicorn asked, turning to face the colt. He shook his head.
“Nope. But thanks for answering them.” The colt replied, causing the stallion to smile.
“It’s fun answering questions, especially those that are surrounded by uncertainty, allowing for speculation and potential paths to discovery to occur… Did anybody ask you to tell me this question?” The professor questioned. The colt blushed a bit before nodding.
“Yes. Somepony called Zafire approached me and told me that they were interested in seeing if futas existed in Equestria, as they wanted to ‘check them out’ so to speak.” The colt stated. The professor let out a sigh.
“Ah yes. Zafire Heart you say? Interesting. Hopefully, others will end up asking these types of questions. But anyway, I’m just going to rest here. If you want to ask me any other questions, or if anybody else wants to ask a question to me, relay it to me ok?” The stallion asked with a smile. The colt nodded and thus the professor decided to meditate, doing his best to ignore the sleeping lion in his loins.
“Wait… You’re not lying right?”
“Of course not my Captain. Unless the machine made a mistake, all of this is true.” Health Check replied as she noticed Shining Armor’s shocked face. The white unicorn tried to respond but shock prevented him from opening his mouth.
“Sweet Celestia… This… This is groundbreaking, you know that right?” The married stallion stated, prompting the white pegasus to nod.
“Indeed. It’s quite ironic that the first male to reach Hyper levels before turning 19 was an innocent colt like Midnight.” Health Check said, still surprised at what she had just recently discovered. Shining Armor slowly nodded.
“Well uhm… I guess that explains why he’s been so innocent?” Shining theorized, only for Health Check to shake her head.
“Not really. He probably would be as skilled as you, but it’s more likely due to the neurotoxin training he received. But I can’t lie that it had some effect on him remaining pure.” The mare said. Shining continued to stare at the document that she had handed him when she had arrived in disbelief. If it was all to be believed as true, that would make Midnight just a few inches shorter than Shining, yet at a much younger age! Imagine the growth he’d experience if he continued to grow!
“... Why are you showing me this? Wouldn’t you have sent this to some excited scientist and brought Midnight along to ‘study’?” Shining said, becoming a bit defensive at the thought of the young blue pegasus being taken away for experimentation. Health Check raised her eyebrow upon seeing the stallion’s shift in posture.
“I would’ve, but it’s NNN, and even if they were excited at the possibility of studying the first Pre-19 Hyper Stallion, they wouldn’t want to risk releasing The Final Cumpocalypse. On that note though, Moonlight mentioned going to Discord and trying to convince him to allow Midnight to live a normal pre-NNN era stallion life, so that’s a thing.” The white unicorn stated, causing Shining’s eyes to widen.
“That might end up being an issue. He might be an ally, but with Discord, we can’t tell what he’s going to do when he finds out about Midnight. I think I’ll go ahead and find him, and perhaps tell him to continue training with Gallus. It’s preferable to risking visiting the Lord of Chaos, especially during this month.” Shining said, growing increasingly worried at what would be the consequences of Midnight going through a Cumplosion. The mare shrugged.
“Look, it’d be the same thing as if we did nothing and allowed a cumpocalypse to destroy Equestria in the long run. I think that they should at least make an attempt, but you decide what you want to do. Anyway, I need to go. Colts are starting to drop from here and there and soon I’m going to be flooded with emergency requests. If we live another year without a cumpocalypse, I’ll hopefully be able to see you again soon to request Midnight’s presence for the scientific examination.” Health Check said before turning around and leaving. Shining gave her a simple nod before turning his gaze back at the document and reading it over and over again.
“It just doesn’t make any sense!” Shining exclaimed. “He should still be able to feel it, right? His body would have certainly needed the time to feel the change within him and declare his impulses as problematic, and would’ve resulted in him asking those questions!” The white stallion stated before sighing. “I’m going to have to go talk to Midnight though. Can’t risk Midnight getting hurt.” The unicorn took a deep breath before lifting himself, leaving the paper behind and unguarded as he left the room and closed the door.
For a moment, the room stayed silent, until the ruffling of leaves was heard outside. Slowly, the window began to budge before being lifted from the outside as a cyan pegasus flew up and walked towards Shining’s desk. Her eyes sparkled upon seeing the document, and upon viewing the contents inside, a malicious grin formed on her face.
“Hmph. Seems that I underestimate that kid. Looks like I have a lot of work to do.” Rainbow Dash said, before letting out a laugh. She could already imagine it. Canterlot and the whole world being flooded by the Final Cumpocalypse. Her laughter soon echoed throughout the room as she jumped out of the window before flying out.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Chapter 8:
The air vibrated under the force of flapping wings as Midnight and Moonlight soon found themselves in front of a cottage. As the blue pegasus and purple thestral softly landed on the ground, the two of them could hear the sound of critters playing around in the fields.
“This place feels nice. No wonder why Fluttershy likes being here.” Midnight commented, taking in all the scenery. Moonlight softly nodded as she noticed a pair of bunnies playing a small game of tag.
“It is. We should come here one day and cuddle next to each other to watch the sunset.” The thestral said, letting out a light sigh at the thought of Midnight laying next to her. The stallion was too innocent now, but she hoped the day would come where he’d no longer call her a friend, but as a marefriend. Her heart fluttered. It all was just fantasy now, but still firmly held the dream that it would occur.
Of course, her smile wavered a bit when she saw Midnight blink, a common trait for the pegasus whenever he got confused.
“Uhm… alright? Hmm… why didn’t we contact Shining Armor anyway? Maybe Discord pits us against monsters from Tartarus and Shining’s presence could’ve been very useful!” Midnight theorized as he began to go over the possibilities. Moonlight couldn’t help but laugh.
“No silly. Discord’s been reformed, and even if he was a villain, it isn’t his style to do that. The reason why I didn’t ask Shining to come is that he would’ve most likely prevented us from leaving, but don’t worry, he’ll be happy with us once we show our progress. I have an idea of what Discord might end up doing, so what you should do is to remain as innocent as possible and act like yourself. ” The thestral mare said, ruffling the pegasus’s mane, but her sentence caused him to become confused as they walked towards the door.
“By the way, what do you mean by innocent? I’ve been hearing it constantly and it’s confused me. Innocent about what?” The stallion asked as Moonlight began to knock on the door.
“If all things go well, you’ll find out by the end of this month, alright Midnight? Though I will try to help you before hoof. But we have a mission to do right now.” The thestral mare stated, backing away as the door began to open, revealing a butterscotch pegasus, the mare hiding behind her pink mane.
“Uhm… Hi… I… I didn’t expect to see any visitors today. Would you two like some tea? Today was Discord’s weekly tea party, but I don’t think he would mind some extra ponies.” The mare said, beckoning them to enter. The pair of guards nodded at each other before they proceeded to enter the cottage. The two of them suddenly paused as they saw a creature that looked like an amalgamation of several others. It had a lion’s paw, a falcon’s claw, a serpent-like body, a bat wing, a bird wing, and so many other things that could only be described as pure, utter...
“Chaos.”
Moonlight suddenly let out a squeal as her wings instantly jerked up, causing her to fly straight into the ceiling and bang her head after hearing somebody use a megaphone next to her ear. Midnight simply flinched and took a slight backstep, but otherwise seemed fine. Immediately, the female pegasus stared directly at the chaotic creature with a disapproving look. The figure’s eyes immediately began to dart around before he pointed a claw towards himself.
“Me? Oh c’mon Fluttershy. You know that this party is meant for only both of us, not some third and fourth wheel party.” The discordant creature said, pouting as he twirled his hand, and suddenly Moonlight began to feel dizzy as she saw a doll version of herself being spun around in the dizzitron alongside a plush version of Midnight. The stallion however remained firm on the ground, though the wind was picking up around him.
“Oh, buck I think I’m going to throw up.” The thestral stated as her face turned green. She held a hoof to her mouth as her reflexive gap began to activate before she suddenly began to dump all of her morning’s contents into a void that spontaneously appeared beneath her. The butterscotch mare intensified her disapproving look, and the draconequus sighed.
“Fine. They can stay. I guess she now needs to eat after what she just did.” The chaotic creature said as he summoned two seemingly normal chairs. Upon the two trying to sit down though, Moonlight suddenly let out an ‘oof’ as she fell through the chair, but Midnight managed to suspend himself with his wings. The figure simply narrowed his eyes at the colt, who stared back.
“Discord please, calm yourself down,” Fluttershy said as she stared at the creature, who continued to look at the young colt, but this time with interest. His gaze turned to Moonlight and his eyes narrowed once again.
“Hmm… that’s strange. You two weren’t supposed to appear until the last week of November.” Discord stated, before shrugging and placing the two back on the chairs, which held this time. “Well welcome aboard I guess. My name is Discord, the Lord of Chaos, and Fluttershy’s best friend! Who are you two?” The discordant creature said, and Midnight blinked when he saw how the being’s paw/claw had detached itself from his arms and was now shaking their hooves.
“Uhm… Well! My name is Midnight Blitzer, youngest Lieutenant General of the Equestrian Armed Forces! And this here is Moonlight River, high ranking Lunar Guard and a Special OPs thestral bat pony, and my friend!” The blue pegasus said, recovering from confusion and eagerly shaking Discord’s claw. The creature couldn’t help but smile.
“Well Midnight, it’s very nice to see you here. I’ve heard various things about you from the other Discords, and it’s safe to say that you’ve had a pretty interesting adventure there.” The creature said, giving Midnight a wink, which caused the stallion to blink yet again. Discord decided to turn around and face Moonlight again, this time just raising an eyebrow at her, which floated off of his face. “I assume though that you didn’t arrive here just because you wanted to join the tea party, didn’t you?” The thestral simply shook her head.
“No. It’s something important Discord, something that you caused alongside the Plunderseeds, and we both know what we’re talking about.” Moonlight said, not trying to sound aggressive, but still staring at Discord with a neutral expression. The creature simply raised an eyebrow.
“You got to be more specific there, because I’m assuming you mean something related to chaos, and well I’m constantly full of it! I practically need to be chaotic to keep existing!” Discord exclaimed as he showed them a visible slider and moved the orb, shifting his transparency and nearly blinding the thestral when he turned it to the max.
“Ow! My eyes!” Moonlight yelled as she shut them and held a hoof to them, tentatively touching them before shaking her head, reorienting herself as her vision returned to her quickly. “I’m talking about No Nut November Discord! And I came here to ask you to lift the curse please because I want to spend time with Midnight. He’s very innocent and I wish to show him the… ropes of things.” The thestral said, causing both her and Fluttershy to blush at her implications. Discord however began to eat a bread that consisted of only its outer edges.
“Hmm… No Nut November… No Nut November… where did I hear that?” The discordant creature asked as he produced a pair of reading glasses and flipped through a book. “Oh that! Yes! NNN!” Discord exclaimed, closing the book before giving her an unapologetic shrug. “Sorry, but I can’t do anything about it.”
Moonlight simply blinked at Discord and was about to rebuke him until she noticed him grinning.
“Why are you smiling?” The thestral asked, this time sounding a bit nervous as she noticed his gaze falling on Midnight, who continued to blink at Discord.
“Oh well, I did say that I can’t do anything, but I didn’t say that anybody else couldn’t.” The chaotic creature said as he fell through the floor before appearing above, walking on the ceiling. “You see, back when I was being confronted by Celestia and Luna, not only did they reject my offer to eat some seeds, which ended up turning into the infamous Plunderseeds that even I forgot about, they also rejected the offer to play ‘Pin the Tail on the Pony’ with me. Of course, when they blasted me with the Elements of Harmony, all they thought they heard was me simply laughing, while in reality I just said a few simple words.” Discord said as he suddenly appeared in front of Midnight.
“Let the games begin.” Discord said, switching to a serious tone before he began to laugh. “Yep! Let the games begin! And thus NNN was born, because as my final moments arrived, I thought to myself: ‘Wouldn’t it be funny to curse Equestria with something nut related that required somepony to pass a test, but because I’m getting blasted with magic right now, I wouldn’t be able to give it to anyone for who knows how long and keep them trapped in that cycle forever until they free me and take the exam?’ And wouldn’t you know it! I did place that curse! Oh! It gave me so much laughter while I watched in my frozen state and saw them all fail as they didn’t know the rules! Of course, as time passed on and my statue slowly began to become periodically covered in that stuff , I began to become bored and forgot that I created it in the first place. But now that you’ve mentioned that you want to undo it, we can now play the game!” The draconequus said with excitement. Midnight slowly nodded in confusion as he looked at the creature
“Ok?... Uhm… How do we play then?” Midnight asked with curiosity. Before Discord could answer, they all heard the familiar sound effect of teleportation, and they all turned around to see a white stallion standing in front of them. Moonlight instantly began to sweat as Shining laid his sights on her, but luckily for her, he temporarily ignored her as he looked at Discord with grim determination, his horn sparking.
“Don’t you dare do anything to Midnight,” Shining commanded, looking at Discord with a serious expression. Fluttershy simply blinked at the white stallion’s sudden arrival.
“You want me to prepare some tea for you, Mister Shining Armor?” Fluttershy asked timidly, feeling a bit insecure with how things were starting to escalate. The unicorn blinked before smiling at her.
“That sounds fine. Thank you Fluttershy.” The white stallion said before turning to face Discord again, who simply blinked before smiling.
“Ah, so it seems that we’ve found our third player for the games then. Now if only a fourth pony could join.” Discord muttered, loud enough for Shining to hear.
“Fourth Player? Games? Discord, whatever you’re planning, you better stop right now-!”
“And I got you!” A familiar voice yelled, and all of the sudden a cyan blur went through the window before grabbing Midnight. Unfortunately for her, the cyan blue hadn’t taken account if the other window was open, and with her traveling at supersonic speeds, Rainbow could only gasp before crashing headfirst into the window on the other side of the cottage, knocking her onto the floor and causing her to become dizzy. Moonlight immediately rushed towards Midnight’s side before pulling him away as far as she could as Rainbow began to recover, and Fluttershy could only widen her eyes as she saw her other best friend having a set of crazy eyes on her face.
“And now the entire cast of players are here!” Discord exclaimed, clapping his hands before snapping his fingers, placing everybody in a chair while causing a board and a set of pieces to appear in the middle of the table. Rainbow immediately tried to lunge towards Midnight who sat right beside her, but bizarrely, she was glued to the table. She instantly glared at the draconequus who continued to set an assortment of board games on the table, games that were just there for decoration and nothing else.
“Discord! Let me have him! I know you created NNN, so why not let me bring your final victory for you while I get ‘the special stuff’. I need it!” The rainbow maned pegasus yelled before she began to laugh uncontrollably. Discord simply blinked at her before looking through his reference book, his face becoming slightly surprised as he landed on a specific page.
“Huh. Guess that spell had more profound effects than I thought.” Discord muttered, this time bringing Fluttershy’s attention to him as she spun around and stared at him.
“Discord…”
“What? It was not my fault that Rainbow stayed in her corrupted form long enough to somehow have part of the curse mess with her mind.” Discord said, twirling his hand around. He froze when Fluttershy’s gaze landed directly at his eyes as she used her most powerful technique. While he wasn’t directly affected by The Stare, he was still afraid of hurting his friendship with Fluttershy, as she was the only one he cared about.
“Change her back,” Fluttershy said in a low tone, surprising Shining as he noticed her shift in character. Discord though simply shrugged.
“I can’t. She’s connected to the curse as… hmm… can’t think of a cool name… The Detonator? Let’s go with that for now. And thus as long as it holds, she’ll continue to be addicted to… that stuff. Man… I was a completely different Discord back then, and honestly, now thinking about it, NNN completely doesn’t fit in with my style. Perhaps creating alternative realities and personalities of myself wasn’t a good idea after all.” Discord stated as he scratched his chin. Shining, Moonlight, and Fluttershy simply deadpanned while Rainbow continued to try and grapple Midnight. “Well anyway, I did say that the games have begun, however, since I just remembered that NNN was created by me and that I was supposed to prepare a challenge… eh… I have nothing prepared.” The chaotic creature said before looking straight at ‘you’.
“Perhaps some omnipresent form called ‘The Viewers’ can recommend some challenges for Midnight to pass. Now that would be interesting.” Discord said, causing everybody to look in the direction that he was looking at, only for them to become confused.
“Uhm Discord? Who are you talking to?” Fluttershy asked in confusion. He simply gave her a soft smile.
“Nothing much dear. Let’s just go back to the tea party, shall we? I’m certain that with a few helping hands I’ll come up with the first challenge.” Discord said with a grin. Fluttershy gave him a disapproving look before sighing.
“Just promise me you won’t do the same thing you did the last two times,” Fluttershy said, referencing how he had betrayed them both during Tirek’s return and when he created the Legion of Doom. Discord flinched a bit, taking some time to recover before smiling at her.
“I promise that I won’t do something villainous.” The discordant creature said, intending to keep his promise exactly as he said. Fluttershy nodded.
“Good. Now… anybody wants some carrot ginger sandwiches?” Fluttershy offered as she held up a plate of both regular ones and ones that had their crusts cut off. Midnight happily dove for one and began to eat it, prompting the rest to do the same, though it was apparent that there was tension present between Moonlight, Shining, and Rainbow Dash.
Discord meanwhile couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t like he was planning anything malicious, rather, he couldn’t wait for the amount of fun he’d get once the games began. Especially with how Rainbow would end up trying to interfere as much as she could and that there were two Hyper Stallions in play.
“Things are going to get much more interesting from here on out.” Discord thought as he silently chuckled.
Author's Note
If you have any potential challenges to pit Midnight, Shining, and Moonlight against, with Rainbow as the road bump, please comment down below! - Discord
I know the style is a bit rough after being absent from this story for quite some time, but give me some time and ideas and I'll be going ahead strong soon.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Not much happened during the tea party, with the minor exception of Rainbow trying to find a way to pounce Midnight one way or another. As the cyan pegasus continued to squirm within her chair, Discord simply checked his book again. He frowned for a moment but soon shrugged as he decided to go with it, and after checking that everybody had finished their meals, the draconequus stood up with a smile on his face.
“Alright everypony. The time has come to officially start! But first of all, Midnight, can you please stand up over here?” The chaotic creature ordered as the blue pegasus slowly stood up. As he passed by though, Rainbow immediately jerked her seat back with the intent to grab him by the barrel, but to her surprise, the blue pegasus managed to dodge her tackle attack, leaving her on the ground with no way to lift herself. Discord smiled as Midnight stood in front of him.
“What do you want me to do Discord?” Midnight asked as the discordant figure simply snapped his fingers and produced a Spinning Prize Wheel, with names scribbled on each section.
“I want you Midnight to spin this wheel! Whatever is chosen at the end will be your first challenge!” Discord exclaimed, and Midnight’s ear flicked when he heard the word challenge.
“That sounds cool.” The male pegasus commented as he walked towards the wheel. On it were a few names, some of them being ‘Zafire’, ‘Pete’, ‘Tsaukpaetra’, ‘Sharaz’, and ‘Hanzal’. He raised an eyebrow, feeling as if he knew those names, before shrugging as he spun the wheel. The colors and names on it soon became a blur, mesmerizing everybody with its swirls. As the wheel slowly slowed down, the names became visible once again, and just when it seemed that it would rest on ‘Zafire’, the tick moved one last time before landing on ‘Hanzal’.
“Now let’s see what the ‘Hanzal’ plan will bring us.” Discord said as he peeled off the name from the wheel before turning it into a piece of paper as he read it. “Hmm…. Seems like an easy beginner challenge. Let me just plug the NNN modpack along with the O&O modpack…” The chaotic creature murmured as he slipped the paper into a printer, and suddenly the world shook. A warm glow encompassed all of them minus Fluttershy, whom Discord simply gave a small smile before they all disappeared.
When they reappeared on the ground, the four players could see how their environment had changed. The warm cozy walls of Fluttershy’s cottage were replaced with a dark forest, similar to the Everfree, but with a more pleasant feeling. Ordinary critters roamed the ground and all seemed tranquil.
“Hey. What’s that?” Midnight asked out loud after turning himself around. The rest looked as well, only to become shocked as they saw a massive tower looming in the distance. The draconequus simply chuckled.
“Apparently a guy named‘Hanzal’ proposed a ‘damsel in distress’ challenge. And well I’m sure you two guards will be able to overcome whatever obstacle you two face.” Discord stated, causing Moonlight to momentarily smile.
“Alright! Sounds like an easy rescue miss- wait, you said two guards?” Moonlight asked before her face was filled with dread as a small orb appeared within Discord’s left hand. He knelt before her and pressed it against her.
“Bye!” Discord yelled, before laughing as Moonlight was suddenly teleported away. Midnight and Shining soon saw a flicker of light appear at the top of the tower, and soon they heard Moonlight roar in rage.
“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
The volume was so loud that Discord’s ears popped out of their usual position before they formed wings and took off. The chaotic creature rolled his eyes before forming new ones and placing them back where they belonged.
“I’m pretty sure she’ll easily escape from that place.” Midnight commented, only for Discord to laugh.
“Nah, I don’t think so. If Celestia and Luna couldn’t escape from some of my more ‘easier’ mazes, then I doubt your Special OPs marefriend could do the same.” The discordant figure said, giving Midnight a pat in the head. The blue pegasus rolled his eyes, and everything seemed fine when Shining realized something.
“Wait. You said ‘you two’ but even after taking Moonlight out, we still have three…” The white stallion’s voice trailed off as he noticed Rainbow hovering over Midnight, ready to pounce on the blue pegasus the moment he turned around. “Of course… I’ll go ahead and deal with this right now…” Shining stated, charging up his horn before suddenly getting interrupted as Discord blocked the tip with a finger.
“I want to mention some stuff before the games begin. I haven’t playtested much of this, so whatever happens, is not on me. Also, we’re still in Equestria in a pocket dimension. You two could fail the challenge as in taking more than longer to complete it or not reaching a requirement, and it’s fine as the games will continue until you’ve reached a quota, but if you end up failing NNN itself, well, you know what will happen.” Discord said with a smirk, before snapping his fingers and causing Rainbow to teleport away. “Now let the games begin!” The draconequus yelled before disappearing into thin air, just in time as they heard Rainbow release a rageful scream of her own. Shining quickly hurried to Midnight who was admiring the castle.
“Midnight we don’t have time, and we need to run away from Rainbow.” The white stallion stated as he dragged Midnight up, giving him the signal to fly alongside him. The blue pegasus remained confused though
“Wait, why?” Midnight asked. Shining Armor quickly thought of something that could convince Midnight to run from Rainbow at all costs, even if he had an innocent mind. An idea came into his mind and the white stallion smiled.
“Basically it’d be Moonlight tickling you, but a thousand times worse,” Shining responded. Midnight’s demeanor quickly changed, and while he still held a neutral face, the Captain of the Royal Guard could tell that fear had gripped his heart at the thought of going through an event that would make Moonlight’s Twelve Hour Tickle Session pale in comparison.
“I-I-I… No. Rainbow’s not like that! She’s the Element of Loyalty! She’s supposed to protect Equestria and its citizens! She can’t be evil, can she?” Midnight asked with a hint of worry, and Shining was about to respond when they suddenly heard a malicious voice speaking in the background, causing them to freeze.
“Hey, Midnight… I think you have something that I want…”
The blue pegasus slowly turned around and froze as he saw Rainbow, who was covered with random sticks and leaves, wearing an expression that could only be described as pure insanity. She licked her lips like a predator as she stalked towards Midnight, causing the blue pegasi to back away before he extended his wings and bursting into a frantic flight.
“YEP, SHE’S EVIL!” The blue pegasus yelled as he quickly went towards the trees, knowing that flying in a straight open field would give Rainbow the best advantage as she’d quickly catch up to him. Immediately the air shook as the cyan pegasus raced after him, ignoring Shining Armor who quickly turned to follow Rainbow, with the goal that if Midnight got captured, the white stallion could quickly come to his aid.
As the chase continued, the frightened blue pegasus weaved around the branches, pulling all that he could so that they might be able to hit the cyan pegasus straight in the face. However, nothing was making much of an impact as Midnight noticed her gaining speed.
“Damn! This is REALLY bad! Even at maximum speed, I’m nowhere near supersonic, and that’s after going into a steep dive! What can I do? What can I do!?” The young colt thought to himself, yelping as he felt the speed demon nabbing at his tail, nearly succeeding in pulling him down. Nearly touching the ground, Midnight was about to fly back up high until he felt somebody grab him by the barrel, causing him to yell in surprise as he came crashing down onto the ground.
Immediately the young colt grabbed the nearest stick next to him, right in time to block the insane pegasus by hitting her in the head, causing her to become dazed. He tried to burst into another flight, only to be dragged down by the tail as Rainbow grappled him again, prompting the blue pegasus to hit her in the head again.
“Get over here!” Rainbow yelled as she once again intercepted the fleeting stallion when suddenly she was knocked into the trees by a ray of magic. Midnight looked and let out a relieved sigh as he noticed Shining Armor, the white stallion quickly binding the mare next to a tree with a pair of magical handcuffs.
“Phew. That was close. You ok Midnight?” The stallion asked as they began to run through the forest again, without the threat of Rainbow Dash stalking them for a time. Midnight nodded.
“Yep. Rainbow needs a psychiatrist though.” The blue pegasus replied as they soon exited the thick vegetation and found themselves in front of the large castle doors. Before even attempting to go through the main entrance, Midnight flew up in the sky and inspected every window, only to see that they’ve been boarded with metal. “Well I thought we’d be able to cut some time by going through the windows, but it looks like we’ll have to go through each floor, room by room. Reminds me of the time you introduced me to O&O. It was fun.” The blue pegasus said, causing the white stallion to smile as memories passed by.
“Yep. But right now, we have to free Moonlight before something unexpected happens. Are you ready Midnight?” The Captain of the Royal Guard asked as he prepared his horn with magic. Midnight simply grinned at the thought of finally getting a real challenge, given the potential O&O gameplay style, as he prepared to open the door.
“Ready!” The blue pegasus yelled, and thus the doors were opened and the two rushed inside to face whatever laid ahead of them.
Author's Note
Looks like Midnight and the rest barely dodged a bullet, had the tick landed on Zafire, let's say things would've been over very quickly!
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
Yay! New chapter! As I said, I promise to work on this until it's done, though as you'll see, some days are going to be skipped in this chapter, thus, I want more of the 'Teacher Sessions' to appear for each skipped day! A compilation of seven points!
Comment down below to tell me what do you want to learn about this world and NNN through the Teacher Session. Also, give the student and teacher a name! They need it.
Hope you enjoy this random chapter.
Later
Chapter 10:
As the two stallions walked through the long dim light corridors, the two made sure to be on the lookout for any traps there might be. They disabled the occasional darts and jumped over the spike pits, which looked more like plastic than anything else, and they continued to trek forward.
“I think what’s going to be the hardest part is just getting up those stairs.” Midnight muttered as he pointed to the very tight staircase. It was narrow enough to make it nearly impossible to fly without hitting yourself, and even more so for one with huge wings like Midnight. The white stallion could also feel his magic wavering as he neared the stairs, and upon taking the first step, he felt it instantly shut itself off. Taking a step back, he felt energy surging back into him, but this only caused him to frown.
“Yep. Well, at least we’ve trained to run for hours on end right?” Shining stated, causing Midnight to smile.
“Based on how tall the tower appeared when we first arrived, this shouldn’t take us more than fifteen minutes.” The blue pegasus said with a grin before running up, with Shining Armor following.
Fifteen Minutes Later…
“Huh. That’s strange, we should’ve been at the top of this tower by now.” The young soldier said as he looked up and saw an endless spiral of stairs. Shining Armor looked around to see if they could exit the staircase, but to his surprise, there was nothing but stairs and more stairs. Even the way they came from was now just an endless spiral of steps.
“I’m starting to think that coming up here was a bad idea.” The white stallion said, dread filling him as he started to believe that they’ve entered a trap. Midnight simply waved his hoof around.
“Nonsense. I’m sure we’ll find a way out soon!” The blue pegasus said before continuing his march upwards.
Twenty Minutes Later…
“Uhm… Yeah, this is going to become slightly annoying.” Midnight said, taking a second to pause and look around for any clues before resuming his trek, with Shining Armor following behind.
One Hour Later…
“Heh. This could be a training montage you know! ‘Midnight and Shining Running For One Hour Loop!’” The blue pegasus exclaimed excitedly, with Shining taking a quick moment to breathe, causing the youngster to look at him. “Aw! Don’t tell me you’re tired already! The Equestrian Armed Forces should be able to march 40 miles for 54 hours at the minimum. So this will be a piece of cake.” The blue pegasus stated, causing Shining to blink at him.
“You do realize that The Equestrian Armed Forces and The Royal Guard are two different things, not to mention that the first was disbanded when the Thousand Year Peace began, right?” The white stallion asked, causing Midnight to let out a laugh.
“Of course! I’m not a dum dum! But if our ancestors managed to do that, then so should we!” The blue pegasus said as he continued to march on.
Two Hours Later…
“Do you feel the burn Shining! Do you feel it!”
“Yes, I can Midnight.” The Captain of the Royal Guard said with a hint of annoyance, not at Midnight specifically, but at how long they’ve been walking without a single sign of an exit. “Let’s take a break for now, ok?”
“Nope! We have to go higher and higher, Shining!” Midnight stated as he continued to walk up, forcing Shining to follow as there was a genuine risk that if they spread apart, they might not be able to encounter each other again.
Six and a Half Hours Later…
“My little pony, my little pony… ma ah ah ah My Little Pony! I used to wonder what friendship could be My Little Pony! Until you all shared its magic with me!”
Shining could only place a hoof to his face as Midnight began to sing My Little Pony for the hundredth time or so. A yawn escaped his mouth as the white stallion started to feel a tad tired.
“Come on Shining! Sing it with me!” Midnight quickly added before continuing on his lines. Shining Armor could only roll his eyes before begrudgingly singing along since there was nothing else to do but walk.
Day Two
Shining munched on a piece of bread that Midnight brought along. It tasted great. What did not though was the fact that-
“How are we still walking!?” Shining yelled as he looked up, the endless loop of stairs practically in the same position as yesterday. The blue pegasus simply shrugged.
“Idk. But don’t worry. I’ve brought some provisions that should last us a long time!” Midnight said, giving the Captain a cup of water which he accepted, feeling thirsty.
Day Three
Shining groaned as yet another day passed. His legs started to buckle as they’ve passed the 54-hour mark for a long time. The only thing that prevented him from passing out was the food that Midnight gave him and the colt’s constant random actions, which were probably the pegasus’s way of maintaining his sanity.
Perhaps there was something that he could talk about with Midnight? They probably were going to be staying here for an eternity.
The stallion blinked before facehoofing himself.
One. Eternity. Later.
“So uhm. I think we’re kind of stuck here.” Shining said, dozing off from time to time as they found themselves within a black void. The stairs had ended up disappearing at one point, but when they entered the blackness and tried to return, the void was the only thing that greeted them.
“Later. In the Void.” Midnight said out loud, before laughing at a joke that he only knew.
So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting, and they had to hire a new one
“So we’ve basically failed the challenge from the get-go since we’re infinitely trapped here, right?” Shining asked as he placed a pawn only for it to get knocked over by Midnight’s Queen. The young colt looked up from the chessboard they were playing on before answering.
“Actually, I don’t think we should be further than November 14th if I’m correct. My sleep schedule hadn’t changed during this time, and thus it’s pretty easy to tell how many days have passed. Oh and checkmate.” Midnight said, causing Shining to groan as he was defeated for the hundredth time.
“How did you become so good?” The white stallion asked, causing Midnight to smile as he began to look back into his memories.
“When you’re competing against Twilight, you need to quickly grow if you want to keep up. Even though I’ve yet to dominate her, I’m able to get to the endgame most of the time against her, which is a feat to be honest as she usually can beat you during the midgame.” The blue pegasus said, chuckling a bit. “We’re going to get out of here, I know we will because Discord will probably realize he accidentally left something in the kitchen and lower the chaos around here.” The blue pegasus guessed, not really caring if it was going to be true or not. Shining Armor simply sighed as he tried to think of something to ask Midnight.
“What are you going to do later?” Shining Armor asked, prompting the young colt to scoff.
“Getting out of this place, obviously, finish whatever this whole ‘NNN’ stuff is, and go back to training Gallus I guess.” Midnight said, guessing what Shining was trying to say. The white stallion nodded, all of those being valid questions. The Captain of the Royal Guard was about to let the conversation end there until he decided to press forward with the question.
“How about much later?”
“What do you mean ‘much later’?” The young stallion asked, tilting his head towards the Captain. “The only thing I plan is to train and be a guard for the rest of my life because it’s the only thing I know and what I’m best at.” Midnight stated, causing Shining to shake his head.
“Like… I know you’ve lived a secluded life Midnight, and you’ve basically dedicated every second to the military, but… wouldn’t it be fair if you gave yourself some time? Or maybe dedicate your time to finding a… a special somepony?” Shining asked, surprised at himself. It wasn’t his intention to go this route. Midnight simply blinked.
“Special somepony? I think Gallus mentioned it when we were talking about Twilight.” Midnight said, unaware that he made Shining think that Gallus, Twilight’s former student, wanted to hit her on. The Captain’s face slowly turned into a shade of red. He didn’t know if it was coming from embarrassment, anger, or both.
“I think I’m going to have to go and talk with him,” Shining said. “But anyway, a special somepony is somebody you deeply care for.”
“Like Twilight?”
Shining once deadpanned as Midnight looked at him innocently.
“She’s been a sister to me since I met her. That qualifies right?” The blue pegasus added, causing Shining to let out a heavy sigh. He wouldn’t object when the time eventually came where Twilight would present her coltfriend to the family, but at the same time, the Captain had to admit that he was sometimes extremely protective of her, which was a good thing in his eyes!
“Uhm no. You like Twilight, but as a sister. You like like Moonlight as a best friend. A special somepony though is a like like like. How in the world does that work, I frankly don’t know, but that’s what kids usually say.” Shining said, scratching his mane, before realizing a mistake in his wording. “Wait, I got it mixed up. Like like like is when you have a crush and like like like like is the special somepony when both of you are engaged. Like times five would be marriage, and like times six is parenthood, and like times seven would be sticking till the end, even though you could argue that like times six and seven are just five but exten- you get what I’m saying?” The white stallion asked, before sighing as he saw Midnight still being confused.
“Uhm… nope.” The blue pegasus admitted, scratching his mane in confusion. “Why are you telling me these confusing things that I can’t understand?” Midnight asked.
“Because you’ve… you’re… I feel that you’ve fallen behind somewhere down the line in terms of your maturity. It isn’t that bad to act innocent like Pinkie from time to time, but you take it to a whole new level. Again, I have to ask, didn’t your parents teach you these things at the age of thirteen?” Shining asked though he noticed Midnight’s ears flickering a bit.
“...no,” Midnight said with a hint of confusion. “I went to military school at the age of twelve, so whatever you’re talking about, I’ve never learned.” The colt said.
“Then what about health class? Weren’t you supposed to take a test about it?” The white stallion asked again, prompting Midnight to shrug.
“I slept through the class, I was concentrating on studying other topics, and the final test was easy due to the process of elimination because I just needed to circle what I didn’t know.” The blue pegasus said, causing Shining to deadpan once again.
“Ugh… well… we kind of do need your innocence to stay alive during these challenges, as it allows you to stay concentrated and think outside the box, but promise me that when this whole ordeal is over, you’ll try your best to… ‘mature’ for a lack of a better term.” The white stallion asked. Seeing how his Captain was behaving, Midnight slowly nodded.
“Alright… I’ll try ‘maturing’ if you will. Later.” The blue pegasus said as the two stayed silent in the void. “Want to play again?”
“Sure. Let’s just hope we won’t be stuck here forever.” Shining said as they reassembled the pieces and began to play again.
“Maybe if Discord is looking at us, he’ll be bored of seeing us play chess for 24 hours straight!” The blue pegasus exclaimed before letting out a laugh.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Chapter 11:
The professor let out a soft sigh as he sat down in his chair, hoping to see somebody entering the classroom. After becoming bored, the cyan unicorn began to tap on a name sign that sat on his desk, which read ‘Aqua Waterfall’. His ear flickered and he suddenly looked up as he saw a familiar student enter through the room.
“Hey, View Signal. It’s nice to see you back again.” Aqua Waterfall said as he looked at the green earth pony, his black mane covering his bluish eyes. The young student pushed it out of the way before smiling at the professor.
“Yeah. Sorry that I’m late…” Signal’s voice trailed off as he noticed the empty seats around him. “Uhm… where did they all go?” The professor simply sighed.
“Well ever since the seventh day, things rapidly began to increase for the worse. Our ‘production’ had rapidly multiplied, even more than what is now ‘normal’, as if the dam that kept the Final Cumpocalypse from… *cough* *cough*... coming. Most students are now in the hospital, some even losing the challenge prematurely and going through its effects, which have been much more powerful than previous years.” Aqua Waterfall answered, giving a silent prayer to Faust to protect those who were already going through the effects while keeping safe those who could end up in the same situation. View Signal simply shook his legs at the thought.
“Oh… uhm… if you don’t mind, could we continue the lesson? Like, I think everybody who isn’t going through the effects is most likely treating this as a no school week or something, but since I’m here I might as well learn something, right?” View Signal proposed as he took a seat and brought out his notebook. Aqua Waterfall couldn’t help but smile.
“Alright. What do you wish to learn then?” The cyan unicorn asked, noticing View Signal flipping through the pages of his blue book.
“I got some more questions from two friends who asked the same question, which is how does the Medical Health Department for Hyper Stallions find out which colts will end up becoming Hyper?” The green earth pony replied, prompting Aqua to begin scribbling on the blackboard.
“Well, first of all, genetics do have a certain role. While our ability to look through DNA is lacking and still needs some time to be researched, it’s logical that the son of a Hyper Stallion would become a Hyper Stallion himself. But other than that the department wouldn’t have any real way to know when a colt has the potential to become one until puberty hits. Considering how normalized NNN is to our society at this point, every time a colt loses the challenge, we begin to... measure how much they produce, as well as how high their resistance was for their first NNN challenge. Hyper Stallion candidates will obviously last longer into the month and would produce more in their first and likely only NNN month fail. After passing their first month, Hyper Stallions usually don’t explode in future challenges unless they’re deliberately triggered or if the Cumpocalypse event happens, in which case no Hyper Stallion, regardless of their resistance, would be able to survive. It’s a switch that you can’t shut off.” Aqua Waterfall stated though he couldn’t help but feel worried at the recent events. It almost reminded him of volcanoes, and how earthquakes and small eruptions would always precede the main explosion. Was this just a normal NNN year but just a bit more chaotic due to how many Hyper Stallions were being born or was it the prelude to their final destination?
“Was there any colt that didn’t fail their first month?” View Signal questioned as he wrote down some more notes. Aqua Waterfall paused for a moment before looking through a file that had been sent to him that morning. The contents inside… surprised him, to say the least, and somewhat terrified him at the most.
“Apparently one did, which probably means that we’re entering a new stage that we’ll probably never get to study if it’s true that the events that are happening around us are signs of the Final Cumpocalypse.” The professor replied, constantly rechecking the information that this ‘Health Check’ mare sent to him and others who were part of the Health Department for Hyper Stallions. Again, given how chaotic things were becoming, he’d doubted he’d get the chance to meet this colt that was currently defying what even Hyper Stallions can’t do, and all he could do was theorize.
“Huh. Well, that’s interesting to hear.” Signal replied absentmindedly. “Though given how Equestria had to deal with NNN for over a thousand years, wouldn’t somebody have developed something to prevent these things from happening? Like I know it might sound humiliating, but surely some stallions tried to change themselves into mares to skip the month… right?” The earth pony asked, tapping his hooves together. Aqua Waterfall simply blinked at him, his mouth slightly wide open.
“Uhm… That is actually ingenious, however, there exists no gender swap spell that I know of, otherwise a test would’ve already been conducted as to whether stallions can skip the month by making themselves into mares. Like, you’re trying to break the curse by using a potential loophole, and since the curse was made by Discord, an incredibly powerful entity, you’d probably need somewhere on the level of an alicorn to perform it. You’re basically messing with nature itself. But no, nobody had tried to change genders. Even Twilight explained that she was using illusions to make it seem like she was turning mares into stallions and back in her Second Magic Spell Duel against Trixie.” The professor explained. Signal scratched his chin, eager to ask another question now that nobody was around to stop him.
“Where does all the cum produced from stallions who failed the challenge go to? Do they donate it to sperm banks? Experiment on it? Dump it into a vortex?” The colt asked, prompting the professor to once again refer to his notes.
“Let’s see here… Back when Equestria was first dealing with NNN, stallions would end up… releasing their loads… into a ravine. Of course, the whole ‘vortex’ idea soon became used when said ravine was filled to the brim. Experiments were conducted with some sperm in the name of genetics when it became a thing, and sperm banks were formed just recently because there are hopes to use them as a way to control how many stallions and mares are born, thus limiting the effects of a Cumpocalypse. And I think that’s just about it in that regard.” Aqua Waterfall stated. View Signal nodded.
“Thanks. Well, anyways I don’t think I have any more questions right now, though I’ll make sure to ask my friends if they have any more, alright?” The earth pony stated. Aqua shrugged.
“Go ahead whenever you want, though make sure you take care of yourself! This month seems like it will become the roughest Equestria has seen, so don’t blow yourself up.” The cyan unicorn stated. Signal simply nodded again.
“Alright. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
Author's Note
Yay the professor and the student has names!
"Hey! I'm View Signal! If you want to have me ask more questions, feel free to comment down below, I'll be happy to write them up and send them to the professor!"
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
Hello everypony! It's me Midnight Blitzer, and here's yet another chapter!
If you've noticed, the chapters have become shorter and take a while longer, and that's because I'm working on other projects at the same time. Don't worry, I'll try to make weekly updates to this. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter and the zaniness that always occurs.
Escaping The Void
Chapter 12:
Moonlight banged her head against the invisible white wall for the millionth time, trying to break from her prison. She had first entered this room when Discord had trapped her in the castle, and it was tearing away at her mind. While at first, it appeared to be an endless void, walking long enough eventually made her collide into the white wall she was now desperately trying to break down.
“Damn it wall! Just fall!” The purple bat pony yelled, turning around and kicking the wall with her hind legs. Normally, this would’ve been seen as a 0 IQ decision given that walls are hard, if not impossible, to break down with your own body, but after kicking, punching, and headbutting the wall for a hundred or so tries, Moonlight had realized a tiny crack, that only expanded by a small amount each time she took a hit at it. It was the only motivation for her right now to continue the grueling task of attacking the wall so that hopefully it could soon be demolished.
Moonlight hissed as she felt something crack within her as she connected with the wall again. She seriously hoped it was just the normal ‘popping your knuckles’ and that she didn’t break her legs, but she was a bit proud that the crack had expanded by a tenth of an inch.
“ONE-TENTH OF AN INCH ISN’T ENOUGH! IT’S TIME TO USE ULTRA HEADBUTT TACKLE!” The thestral yelled, not carrying how stupid her line sounded only because she already knew she was slowly going insane. Moonlight led out a battle cry as she charged forward, smashing into the wall and immediately feeling her mind going blank for a few seconds. As she stumbled around in the white space, the thestral slowly recovered, before grinning when she realized that the crack had spread immensely. She even swore that small cracks of light, real light, were peering through the gaps.
She suddenly clutched her head in pain as the initial shock passed by, forcing her to kneel. The pain made the world feel whiter than before, and her vision blurred a bit.
“Dang it. If this damn room didn’t force me to use such basic moves, I could’ve used all the things I’ve learned under Lunar Guard training. Heh. At least they taught us to tank quite well.” Moonlight thought, smiling at herself that she was a Lunar Guard, sometimes referred to as the superior unit compared to the Royal Guard. She winced as the pain came back to her again, but this time it had subsided significantly. “Now the question is if I should try to charge at the wall again. It seems ready to break, but I don’t want to risk caving in my skull. I think I have a quick regeneration potion somewhere on me, but who knows if I’ll be able to grab it before I go unconscious. Oh well, a gamble’s a gamble. Here I go!” Moonlight took a deep breath as she began to back away from the wall, before opening her wings and bursting at an incredible speed. She became a purple blur as her wings flapped at an insane pace, and seeing the wall racing towards her, she closed her eyes and braced for impact.
The world went white again as the sound of something breaking filled Moonlight’s ears. An intense amount of pain formed in the center of her head as she tumbled forwards. Immediately she instinctively went to grab the potion that rested in her mane, fumbling as the world began to slowly go dark. She barely heard the cork pop off as her mind went numb until she suddenly woke up as the liquid splashed on top of her head, healing her instantly and waking her up as if she just had a cup of coffee. Gasping for air, the thestral slowly got up and turned around, before grinning as she realized that she had broken through the wall. Looking forward again, she saw what seemed to be a hallway with many connecting doors.
“Well, at least I escaped the white room. Now it’s time to see if I can find Midnight.” Moonlight said with a smile, her mind focused on the cute blue stallion as she opened the first door, only to immediately close it and slam her back against it, and she could hear something squirming. Turning around towards the edges, she shivered in fear at the sight of a purple tentacle trying to grab her, but ultimately resigning itself and pulling itself back in. The thestral’s breaths however remained heavy as she continued to press against the door in case the creature tried again. Sure enough, the purple bat pony felt a loud ‘thump’ as the amalgamation tried to break through the door, but after several failed attempts, she finally heard it slither away, letting her release a sigh.
“Can’t tell if it’s the O&O Tentacle or if it’s that type of tentacle, but I ain’t going to risk myself trying to find out.” Moonlight said, her breathing returning to normal as she placed a large stone in front of the door, just in case. Letting out a sigh of relief, the purple bat pony pushed her mane out of the way before beginning the tedious journey of searching through each door, encountering whatever was inside of it, and either fighting or fleeing from it before moving to the next
“Checkmate.”
“Not again…”
Shining Armor groaned as he was once again triumphed by Midnight, who toppled the Captain’s white king with his black one. They had been at this for so long that it was starting to tax his mind. The blue pegasus simply smiled as he rearranged the pieces.
“Hey, Discord! Do you like the 24/7 Chess Session we had?” The energetic lieutenant yelled, and Shining almost swore that he could hear the chaos lord groaning from another dimension. “You want to play with us?” Midnight asked, bouncing in place a bit and acting a bit like Pinkie. Again, the Captain swore he nearly heard Discord yell a faint ‘NO!’ in the distance. The blue pegasus simply laughed for no apparent reason, before turning around to face Shining. “So what do you want to do right now?”
“Not play chess for the thousandth time perhaps?” The white unicorn asked, letting out a heavy sigh as he fiddled with his pawn. Midnight shrugged before aimlessly looking around.
“Alright, that sounds fair. I’ll just walk around the void and see if I can find something. See ya!” The blue pegasus exclaimed, waving his hoof before disappearing. Shining Armor was about to roll his eyes when he heard Midnight bumping into something.
“Ow… what the…?” The young colt groaned as he shook his head, only to blink as he realized there was a door right in front of him. “Uhm, Shining? Come over here quickly.” Midnight ordered, prompting the Captain to walk over to him. Midnight simply opened the door and light began to filter inside the void.
“Wait… So this was here THE ENTIRE TIME!?” Shining yelled. Midnight shrugged before giving off a smile.
“Maybe I was right that playing chess forced Discord to make an exit for us. Let’s just leave alright?” The blue pegasus said as he hummed to himself while picking up all the items they were using and storing them into a small bag, which should’ve been impossible, but Shining had a feeling that a certain pink party pony had taught Midnight her ways. “Let’s go!” The blue pegasus began to bounce his way towards the door before sliding through it. Shining let out a sigh before exiting the room and thus the two escaped the void that had trapped them for seven days.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
Huzzah! Another NNN chapter!
If you find this story interesting, consider tracking it as it would keep you notified!
Clones
Chapter 13:
A shimmer of light covered Midnight’s eyes as he was the first to exit the void. Peace swept through his mind as he felt the sun rays land on his face. There was always the reinvigorating feeling whenever Celestia’s sun warmed the world, and after spending days in the darkness, the blue pegasus silently rejoiced its return.
“Hey Shining! Come over here and feel the sunlight!” Midnight exclaimed, prompting the white stallion in question to walk over to the window. Shining closed his eyes and let out a light sigh as he was bathed in light. After deciding that he stood in front of it long enough, the Captain of the Royal Guard soon turned his attention away and towards an endless hallway of doors.
“No… Please don’t tell me we’re going to have to go through each door to find our exit…” Shining groaned. Midnight turned around and noticed the doors as well, but unlike his superior, he began to grin.
“It appears so! And hey! Maybe we can use up as much time as possible and force Discord into moving us to the next challenge!” The blue pegasus exclaimed, opening the first door only to end up having his nose pressed against the nose of a cyan pegasus. “Uhhhhhh…. ._.” Midnight simply blinked as the rainbow maned pegasus looked at him with her magenta eyes with a smile on her face.
“HEL-”
Midnight immediately slammed the door the moment Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, looking to the side in disbelief, before opening the door again to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.
“-LO-”
The blue pegasus once again slammed the door in front of her, making her let out an audible ‘OOF!’ as she bumped into the wooden barrier. Midnight quickly recomposed himself before walking towards the next door.
“Onwards I guess?” Midnight hesitantly stated before opening the door and blinking once more as Rainbow appeared in front of it. She lifted her hoof to speak only to be silenced as the blue pegasus placed his hoof over her mouth. “Wait, hold up for a moment.” The blue pegasus said, before turning around and opening the third door, only to blink as another cyan pegasus appeared. Shining could only look with his mouth open in confusion before closing it again.
“May I speak now?” The Rainbow Midnight had silenced asked. Upon deeming her peaceful, and convincing himself that no Rainbows he’s faced so far might have been the real one, the blue pegasus slowly nodded.
“You may.” Midnight said. The cyan pegasus opened her mouth only to stop as she realized she forgot what she was about to say, and thus quickly made up a new sentence.
“You look fluffy, can I use you as my cuddle pillow?” The Rainbow maned pegasus asked. Immediately the one behind Midnight bursted into the air and pressed her face against the first one.
“Hey! I was about to ask that!” The second Rainbow yelled. The first simply chuckled and looked towards Midnight who had begun to walk towards Shining.
“You snooze, you lose.” The first speedster said with a smirk. The blue pegasus by now stood beside Shining who looked confused.
“Guess somebody used the mirror portal right?” Midnight asked, prompting the white stallion to look at him, studying the young colt’s calm nature.
“Aren’t you supposed to be confused about this as much as I am?” Shining asked. Midnight shrugged.
“Eh. Only confused about a certain topic that I don’t understand, but I’m able to understand other things easily. If they were the real Rainbow they would’ve pounced on me, but because Mirror Clones aren’t exact copies of the original, they take on slightly different personalities. And well, you shouldn’t let yourself be confused, it’s Discord we’re talking about, and if he likes having us trapped in endless loops and such, then certainly clones wouldn’t be out of the things he’d probably do.” Midnight stated, and slowly the Captain nodded.
“I guess… I guess that makes sense? Just don’t fall for any traps alright?” Shining said nervously as he watched the blue pegasus walk towards the pair of Rainbows, which had quickly become a trio as Shining realized that the door Midnight first looked at was now open. Deciding not to waste any time, the white stallion allowed the colt to talk with the Rainbows while he looked through each door, seeing which ones were definite traps, closing those that had a cyan pegasus within them, and trying to find one that was safe to travel to.
As the Lieutenant walked towards the Rainbows, one of them gave him a flirtatious look while blowing a kiss at him. Before she could say anything, he lifted a hoof in the air, silencing them.
“Alright, first off, let me put these numbers on you so that I can tell which of you are.” Midnight said as he held up three name tags, each with a number. The three cyan pegasi complied and quickly placed the signs around their necks. “Thank you. Now can any one of you tell me if there are any ‘hostile’ Rainbows within these doors.” The blue pegasus asked. The newly dubbed ‘Rainbow One’ nodded.
“Well, I wouldn’t really consider them ‘hostile’, more like ‘intoxicated’, but yes, I think there’s like a quarter who are like that.” Rainbow One said. “Could I pet you now?” The cyan pegasus said. Midnight blinked before walking towards a fourth door.
“I guess so. Let me open this door first.” Midnight said, only to yelp as a fourth Rainbow tackled him to the ground.
“YES! I FINALLY GOT YOU! YOU’RE MINE!” The fourth Rainbow yelled, her eyes filled with insanity. Before she could fulfill her destiny, she was suddenly shot by a ray of magic from Shining Armor, causing her to flip various times before collapsing onto the floor.
“Midnight it’s time we need to leave this place! Now!” Shining yelled as the blue pegasus slowly rose, wiping off any dust that was on his fur before following the white stallion. The two froze as Rainbow appeared in front of them, the mare grinning at Midnight who simply blinked at her.
“Don’t worry Midnight! We’re going to have a lot of fun!” The cyan pegasus said, before opening a series of doors. Immediately Shining began to pull Midnight away as they ran from the hordes of cyan pegasi that came from every door that Rainbow pulled open as she chased them. Even though most weren’t as intoxicated as the original one, they all still wanted to chase after Midnight, resulting in even the first three Rainbows joining the cyan wave.
“Midnight! Keep running!” Shining shouted as the army of Rainbows began to catch up onto them due to their incredible speed. The white stallion yelped and closed his eyes as he felt the wave catch up to him, but to his surprise, the horde of Rainbows ignored him, their target solely on Midnight who was at his max speed. “Keep running!” Shining yelled as he tried to see which door hadn’t been open, the logic being that the sole door that was closed would be the true exit.
The blue pegasus furiously flapped his wings, making sharp turns whenever one of the nearer clones jabbed to grab him by the leg. The end of the hallway soon started to come into view, with no corner to turn around. Gulping at this, Midnight began to pump his wings harder, gritting his teeth as he felt the original Rainbow nearly grabbing his hind leg. With the wall just a few feet away, Midnight did a small aerial flip before repositioning himself, his back legs connecting with the wall and causing him to bounce right off of it into the horde of cyan pegasi, none of them expecting him to do such a move.
The blue pegasus soon curled himself into a fluffy, making his hitbox smaller as the Rainbows began to jab at them, many of them missing and even hitting each other. Some were able to nip at his feathers, but after a few seconds, he popped out from the horde and began to fly the other way.
Around the same time this was happening, Shining Armor finally noticed a closed door. Reaching his hoof towards the knob, he was about to open it until a familiar purple thestral opened it herself. Her eyes widened at Shining before she smiled happily.
“Shining! There you are! Wait! Where’s Midnight?!” Moonlight exclaimed, before her eyes were filled with panic as she saw the blue pegasus being chased, the young colt struggling to get away from the sonic speedsters. “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” With that the bat pony began to charge at the horde, her wings extended out, revealing several darts underneath them. Just when the original Rainbow was about to tackle Midnight to the ground, Moonlight slammed into the crowd, using her sleeping darts to knock down dozens of them at a time, their inability to pay attention to anything other than Midnight becoming their detriment as they failed to realize her presence. As the mass of Rainbows began to crumble under Moonlight, the original Rainbow managed to tackle Midnight to the ground, eliciting a yelp from him, but by then the dose had caught up with her and she was snoozing on top of him.
By the time a minute had passed, all the Rainbow clones had been knocked out by Moonlight, who turned around and quickly pried the sleeping Rainbow off of Midnight. The blue pegasus gave out a wide smile at Moonlight.
“Moonlight! Thank goodness you’re here!” Midnight exclaimed, happy to see his friend again. The purple thestral smiled before giving him a nice hug, making sure not to prick him with her darts.
“Happy to see you too, Blitzy. Now let’s get out of this place.” The thestral said as a door suddenly appeared in front of them. After opening and checking inside to see if it was safe, Moonlight motioned them to enter, and thus the trio, now reunited, proceeded to hopefully escape the castle and complete their first mission.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
As the trio of ponies entered through the door, they soon found themselves in a dark dungeon of sorts. Pools of dirty water were scattered across the floor, while a pungent smell forced them to sneeze.
“Well, it seems like we might end up getting ourselves in trouble.” Midnight stated nearby. The two turned around to see him pointing towards an empty prison cell, its door wide open. Before she could give a reply, Moonlight suddenly froze as her sharp ears began to pick up the sound of something wet moving across the floor.
“It’s nearby. Everypony, be quiet.” Moonlight ordered, the trio becoming as silent as possible. All of them could hear the slithering sound which only got closer and closer. Forming a circle the three got their weapons out, ready to attack, when all of the sudden the noise suddenly stopped. For a full five minutes the group stayed silent, immobile, waiting for something to pounce on them. A small shadow skittered through the background, and Shining Armor instinctively brought his blade down.
The small mouse that had been blocked by a sword just inches in front of its face looked up and began to rebuke the white stallion, who stared at it sheepishly.
“Oh. Sorry.” Shining apologized, and after being ‘yelled’ at by the mouse for a few more seconds, it scurried itself away. “Welp, seems we know who made the sound eh?” The white stallion said, before yelping in fear as a black snake-like mass suddenly grappled itself around his torso and pulled him away.
“Shining!” Moonlight yelled, quickly pulling up a small glowing orb from her mane and throwing it into the air, illuminating the whole place now that they had no excuse to hide. She gasped as she saw a large tentacle creature in front of them, several of its arms wrapped around their Captain like a snake. “Don’t worry Shining! We’re going to save you!” Moonlight yelled as she began to rush towards the white stallion, her darts primed and ready to attack. “Midnight! Cover me!” The purple thestral yelled as she ducked under a massive tentacle. The blue stallion nodded and began to attack some of the more isolated parts, cutting them in half and causing the monster to divert its attention towards him. Midnight took himself to the air as it began to shoot its arms towards him, the skilled fighter weaving around the tentacles and cutting any that dared go near him.
“Guess this is the dungeon boss or something!” Midnight exclaimed as he continued to whack at the abomination, only to grunt as a tentacle grabbed his sword. The two began to fight over it while Moonlight ducked under the few tentacles that were being aimed at her. Grabbing all of her darts, she began to pierce the largest tentacle she could find with her knock-out weapons.
“It’s over now!” Moonlight yelled as she began to poke the main tentacle with her darts, the arm spasming for a few moments before becoming limp on the ground as it went to sleep. The rest of its body soon followed suit, but some began to become more aggressive as they fought against the drug.
"Uh oh." Midnight said out loud as the tentacles that did survive began to thrash around, aimed at both of them. The two airborne ponies began to weave around its attacks, trying to knock it down for a final time. Suddenly one of its larger appendages went up and smacked Moonlight with all of its weight.
"ACK!" Moonlight cried out as she smashed onto the floor, her body paralyzed with pain. The thestral tried to get up but before she could the remaining tentacles grabbed her by her hooves and pinned her in place.
"Moonlight!" Midnight yelled before dodging one of the monster's many arms, finding it difficult now that all of its attention was on him. Using his weapon and whacking at it as much as he could, the blue pegasus suddenly found himself trapped between two large tentacle walls that were on both of his sides.
"Moonlight! How long will it take for the darts to take full effect!" Shining yelled, struggling against his captor. The purple thestral looked at him tiredly, phased by the monster's strong attack.
"They should be pumping toxins in still, but it seems that it won't be able to do so in time." Moonlight said, panting and becoming worried at Midnight’s situation as the walls began to close around him.
"Hey. At least this isn't that type of tentacle." Shining said with a weak smile, trying to lighten the situation until he looked down and saw something he wished he didn't see. "Welp. We're screwed." The white stallion said, causing Moonlight to let out a weak laugh.
As the pair weakly laughed, Midnight continued to find himself getting trapped more and more as the wall of tentacles continued to surround him. Just when he nearly ran out of room, an idea passed through his head.
"Wait!" The blue pegasus yelled, and to everyone's surprise, the wall of tentacles stopped, barely a few inches in front of his face. Their surprise turned into confusion as Midnight stood on his hind legs, his front hooves in the air as he tried to balance himself. "I use my Act option and choose The Wave!" The blue pegasus stated, and for no apparent reason, he began to dance, his hooves moving in a wave-like formation. Moonlight and Shining simply stared at their friend in confusion, before the two yelped as they felt the tentacle chain around them easing up, causing both to quickly fall onto the ground. The wall of tentacles that had trapped Midnight began to part as the blue stallion continued his weird ritualistic motion, and things only got weirder as the tentacle monster began to dance, flailing its arms around.
"Somehow, even though I'm confused, I feel that we’re safe and that the tentacle thing has been pacified." Moonlight stated as she simply stared at Midnight who continued his weird dance for a few minutes before ultimately finishing it.
"Alright. One: What. Two: The Buck?!" Shining yelled in confusion as Midnight got back on all fours. The blue pegasus simply grinned at them.
"I just remembered Moldsmal! It's a monster from a game that Button played when I visited Ponyville. To win, you needed to do a wiggle dance to make it happy. I guess I was lucky that it applied to this nice creature." Midnight stated, and they could almost feel happiness coming from the tentacles from the compliment.
"Well, even though I'm still confused, I'm still happy that you prevented things from becoming a… slimy and wet end for a lack of a better term," Shining said, shivering and scratching his mane before looking around. "Hey! Seems that's our exit." The white stallion said as they noticed a door with light pouring from its edges. "Let's go now," Shining said as he quickly walked over to the door before slipping through.
Midnight and Moonlight decided to take their time, the purple thestral leaning on the blue stallion who simply hummed a random song.
"Thanks for helping me there." Moonlight said as she brushed her head against him in a friendly manner. She hoped that after the month was over, she could get closer to the young colt. Midnight gave her an innocent smile.
"No problem." Midnight said, smiling at her. "I'm happy that we are safe, and that I was able to use the skills I learned. I guess it was kind of funny seeing me do that little dance eh?" The blue stallion asked, causing Moonlight to giggle while the pair were now in front of the door.
"Yes it was. Maybe one day in the future I can show you my type of dance~" Moonlight said giggling at her inside joke before opening the door, allowing the two to slip through and enter into a grassy field, where they knew they finished the challenge.
Already they saw Shining Armor waiting for them on a chair, with three identical ones next to him. The two were about to sit down when they felt the air shimmer around them. Soon a cyan pegasus fell from a vortex, slamming into the chair on the far right and causing her to wake up in pain.
"Ow!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she began to rub her head in pain. Before anyone could comment, they heard somebody clap behind them, and soon a familiar draconequus came into view.
"Nicely done everyone! Even though you took days to finish, you completed the challenge!" Discord said as he looked at the three main protagonists. He gave Midnight a quick dirty look before returning to his smile. "However there are still many more you need to complete, and to that, I think I'll be asking 'them' to submit some more challenge ideas right?" The Lord of Chaos said, glancing at the fourth wall.
"You liked the 24/7 Chess game then?" Midnight asked innocently, causing the chaotic creature to deadpan.
"No."
Author's Note
Another chapter for ya! Hope you guys all like it!
Also, I'm working on some projects that will be released in the future, but nevertheless, I will try and continue to update this story until I finish it.
Also, time to submit more challenges for the trio to do. Can't wait to see what you guys can come up with.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
Hello everypony! It's me Midnight Blitzer and I'm finally writing again. Yay!
A Sudden Change
Chapter 15:
“So what are we going to do now?” Midnight asked as he began to rock on his chair only to be stopped by Discord who appeared behind him.
“Ok that’s enough. Rainbow, stop it or I’m going to ban you from the next challenge.” The draconequus warned, causing the cyan pegasus who was also rocking her chair to freeze in place. “Thank you.”
“Aren’t we going to have a break right now? We were inside that castle for a long time.” Shining Armor asked. Indeed what he said was true. It was now November 14th and the sun was hanging low in the sky. The chaotic lord thought about it for a few moments before shaking his head.
“Nah that won’t be necessary. You guys can rest while taking the quests. But anyway I think I found what we’ll be doing next.” Discord said as he pulled up a screen that only he could see. After scrolling through the list he smiled as he pressed some invisible buttons before causing a splash potion to appear on his hand. Immediately Moonlight and Shining Armor tensed up while Midnight and Rainbow looked indifferently at it.
“What’s that?” Moonlight yelled, knowing that whatever it was it would be bad for them. The chaos lord simply smiled as he began to toss it up into the air, making sure to catch it on its way down.
“It’s a genderswap potion. Here catch.” Discord said simply as he tossed the potion to Rainbow Dash. The mare simply looked it over, not sure what to do with the potion. An idea formed in her mind, but when she tried to smash it against her head the only thing she got was a concussion as the glass withstood the blow. The chaos lord simply rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers, causing the potion to reappear in his hand. “Alright let’s do it the other way.” Discord said as he snapped his fingers once more.
All of a sudden the four of them (not including Rainbow) appeared in front of a flower field. Immediately Moonlight scooted away upon sensing the smell, while Shining grimace as he realized what the quest might be.
Midnight meanwhile seemed to be the only pony unphased by what was going on.
“Wow! Those purple flowers look beautiful!” The blue pegasus exclaimed but before he could step forward and take one of them, Moonlight immediately grabbed him and pulled him back.
“I wouldn’t recommend getting near them Midnight. Those flowers right there are ponedrakes and well… let’s just say I’d go wild if you brought me one, or even had the scent of one.” The purple thestral warned with the occasional gasp for air as she found it difficult to maintain her cool, and that was with her being a good few years away. Discord simply smiled.
“Yeah, what she said is true, and here’s where the challenge comes into play.” The draconequus said before pointing forwards. “Beyond this endless field of ponedrakes is a mystical sword. If you manage to bring it to me, consider this quest finished.” Discord said. Midnight simply smiled.
“Well that sounds easy. I’ll go get it!” The blue pegasus exclaimed, but before he could spread his wings he suddenly was pulled back by Discord.
“There’s something I need to mention. Whichever of you decides to march forward must also take the genderswap potion, and you can’t use your wings or horn either. Here, let me take care of that.” Discord said as he snapped his finger. With a burst of smoke Midnight and Moonlight suddenly lost their wings while Shining lost their horn. Immediately the two latter ones began to shout in protest.
“Hey! My wings! Give them back!” Moonlight yelled while Shining growled at Discord. Midnight as usual became the outlier, gazing at his back before shrugging.
“Alright, that sounds fair.”
Moonlight and Shining simply turned around and gazed at him with owl eyes while Discord raised an eyebrow before shrugging.
“Are you sure you want to go there? If so, you do know that you’ll be turned into a mare right?” The chaos lord asked. Before Midnight could open his mouth, Moonlight ran towards him and clamped it shut while looking at him.
“You don’t need to do that. As stallions you’d be turned into mares, thus I think it’s only logical that I turn myself into a stallion and walk towards there.” The purple thestral said with a soft smile. Shining simply shook his head in the background.
“As much as I appreciate your volunteering, and I would’ve accepted if it were any other month, note that we’re still in November. If you were to turn into a stallion, you’d end up suffering through No Nut November like any other stallion. Worse still would be if you encountered a mare, and with your sudden hormone shift you’d probably lose control.”
“And I would immediately end the competition right there.” Discord said as he continued what Shining said. The white stallion simply frowned at him for what he was forcing them into. Moonlight’s ears flattened before flaring when she heard Shining’s next sentence.
“I think Midnight should go.”
Moonlight immediately spun around to face Shining, who blinked at her sudden movement. The white stallion began to sweat as Moonlight’s eye began to twitch and her fur began to tense up.
“WHAT!?”
Shining and Discord immediately covered their ears as Moonlight yelled out loud with hurricane winds, causing both of them to be pushed back a considerable distance. The wind eventually died down, however, Moonlight seemed incredibly ticked at Shining for what he was proposing. Mustering up his courage to face the enraged thestral, the white unicorn gazed down at Moonlight as he exerted his authority.
“As Captain of the Royal Guard, I order you to sit down Moonlight. Midnight is more than eager to take on this challenge, and with his neurotoxin training and hyper innocence acting as a buffer, he’s our only real option here. I’d succumb to the flowers while you’d succumb to your hormones, the risk is too high if either of us goes. Let him go.” Shining ordered, yet even while facing a superior like the Captain of the Royal Guard, Moonlight had a priority above her love for the military.
Midnight.
“No! I can’t let you do this! Midnight is innocent, I have to agree on that, but he might be too innocent to realize the danger of the mission! What if he’s not completely resistant to ponedrakes he ends up succumbing to his urges, or what if a stallion tries to mount him while he’s covered in that scent! You do realize what ponedrakes do to mares right!? I can't, I just can’t let him go!” Moonlight yelled before turning around to face Discord. “Discord! Let’s start this thing! Give me that potion now!” The purple thestral yelled. The draconequus began to search his pockets only to pull nothing.
“I don’t have it.” Discord said though Moonlight could see the subtle smile he had on his face. Noticing the reflection in his eye, the purple bat pony turned around before having an expression of shock on her face as she saw Midnight holding splash potion in his hand, looking innocent as ever.
“Thanks Discord! Don’t worry Moonlight, I'll come back safe and sound!” The blue pegasus said before throwing it high in the air. Moonlight immediately let out a scream of panic as she rushed towards Midnight, trying to knock him away and hopefully receive the potion herself. She leaped into the air and spread her wings… only to realize that she had no more wings. With a *thud* the purple thestral fell onto the ground and looked up just in time to see the potion come crashing down on Midnight, releasing its purple contents over him and covering him in light.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Moonlight cried out on the ground, picking herself up and looking in shock. She immediately spun around towards Shining with an urge to hit him.
“This is your fault Shining! If you hadn’t said anything Midnight would’ve handed me the potion and I would’ve transformed! Not him! Not him… not him… ” Moonlight’s voice began to trail off as she began to cry on the ground, feeling defeated. Shining simply sighed.
“I think you know why this is not my fault, otherwise you would’ve told me about your plan of talking with Discord. But no, you knew I would say no, but you went anyway without my authority. And well now we’re here.” The white stallion stated. Moonlight immediately tensed up as guilt began to fill her heart.
Now she felt even more sad and depressed than ever. If anything bad happened to Midnight, it would be her fault.
And all because she wanted to make him her stallion and exit the friend zone she found herself stuck in ever since she met him.
“I’m… I-I’m… I’m-”
No matter how hard she tried to say she was sorry, she just couldn’t. She felt too guilty at the moment to say anything. Understanding what she wanted to say though, Shining nodded solemnly while noticing the light beginning to die down.
“It’s ok. It’s ok. We all make mistakes here and there, but we’ll ride out of this eventually. Stand up Moonlight, your friend is nearly done changing.” The white stallion said. With resignation, the purple thestral stood up and looked where her friend was just as the light died down.
And immediately all three spectators blinked.
“Uh… Discord? I think the potion didn’t work.” The blue pegasus in front of them stated as it looked at itself but couldn’t find anything that seemed off about it. After snapping his fingers and producing a scanner, Discord scanned the pony before reading the results.
“It says that Midnight is now a mare… but where’s the difference?” The draconequus exclaimed out loud. Meanwhile, Moonlight had walked over to Midnight and inspected ‘her’ new body. Using her sharper eyes she soon noticed some differences, though subtle.
“Huh… your mane is a bit longer, and smoother…” The thestral stated as she placed a hoof over Midnight’s mane. “Your build has shifted by just a tiny bit. I guess that makes sense since a shift from a form like Shining’s would be very noticeable.” Moonlight said. Midnight simply giggled, and like the rest of ‘her’ features ‘her’ voice had changed by just a tiny bit.
“See! I told you that I couldn’t see myself change that much if I was a mare!” The blue pegasus exclaimed, causing Moonlight to remember when they were talking about NNN and how she deadpanned at that statement.
“Yeah… hey where you’re going?” Moonlight asked as Midnight began to walk away.
“Towards the flower patch obviously. I’m going to win this quest for us. See ya!” Midnight said. Before Moonlight could stop the blue pegasus from venturing, he already had taken the first step.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Author's Note
This story is a joke I'm making for No Nut November, but with some twists and turns around it.
If you like this story, please like subscribe and comment, it's free and you could always undo it later.
Wait What?
Chapter 1:
It was the month that all stallions dread. It was the month where they were forbidden to do what they were born to do. It was the month where they would lose their fun, their freedom, and their identity. It was the month where they would find themselves being tortured in the worst way possible. The mares already had begun preparing themselves, knowing that they’d have to find another way to distract themselves without their stallions. And as the couples tried to spend the last few hours of October with each other and the older colts tried to have some fun during Nightmare Night, they all froze as the moon reached its peak during the night sky.
And they all knew what had come.
No. Nut. November.
Day 1:
“Alright class, let me go through what you’re passing through right now.” A stallion said as he stood in front of a group of colts from the age of 13 to the age of 18. Some of the younger colts’ legs were shaking, while some of the older ones tried to distract themselves with other activities. But it was impossible for anyone to not be aware of the growing pain, and ironically, pleasure, coursing within their crotch. The stallion himself seemed to shake once in a while, but other than that he appeared to be calm as he used a pointer to begin pointing at the screen in front of the class.
“For those who already heard of this story, you could use this time to concentrate on your current situation, but as for those who are new and need a distraction, hear this session please.” The stallion said as his legs twitched again before switching the slide to show the famous battle between Discord and The Royal Sisters. “You all know about the story of the Royal Sisters and how they stopped Discord’s reign of chaos and unhappiness. However, just like how Sombra placed the curse on the Crystal Empire to make it disappear with him, so did Discord.” The professor sighed as his legs shook again, before stating what curse did Discord give.
“His curse would become known as…
“No Nut November...
“A month in which a stallion is unable to relieve himself for an entire month. Now, this wouldn’t be difficult as some ponies dedicate themselves to not doing so for a year, however, what makes this month so deadly for us males is because our… ‘production’ if you will, begins to multiply rapidly. For every day, the rate that we produce our ‘seed’ adds up. On the 2nd of November, our production rate is two times faster than before, and on the 30th of November, our production is thirty times that of normal. And as you can expect, our bodies, or better said, our ‘storage’ place, isn’t able to adapt to this change so quickly. So during this month, we stallions suffer through this, every single year. Now you may ask why Discord, already being reformed by Princess Twilight and her council, can’t simply undo what he did. The simple answer to this is that he simply can’t. Whether it’s because he’s lazy to do it or simply because there is no spell to reverse what he did does not matter, he simply cannot undo this curse he placed upon us, and so our stallions and those who will come will be stuck in this cycle of torture forever unless the solution to this is found.” The professor said before his legs nearly gave way from the intense pressure between them. A young student lifted his hoof and asked a question.
“So we’re not able to… ya know… do that… for an entire month?” The student asked. The teacher smiled sadly.
“Oh well you’re still allowed to release yourself, but let’s just say the result of which isn’t worth it.” The teacher said, “The moment you release, you won’t be able to stop, and you could begin to imagine what would happen to you.” The professor stated.
“Then what happens to you when you eventually run dry?” The student asked again, making the professor chuckle a bit.
“Well why don’t you try our veterans from December who willingly attempted to ‘solve the after-effects of November.’” The professor said, motioning to the more older students who simply twitched in terror as flashbacks at their attempt still haunted them.
“Just don’t try it, kid. Don’t try it.” Said one of the older students who looked into the distance, barely even feeling their current symptoms and rather going back in time to the horrible feeling they got during that fateful December. The professor sighed.
“Yes, we are still looking for the perfect solution to what we call ‘Blue-Balled’, which is the state that we’ll all be going through during this month. A study at Canterlot University attempted to see what the best option would be, but unless you blindly believe that breeding with your mare friend is a smart idea at your age, it’s best to just try to ride it out. The pain eventually leaves by itself throughout December, but trying to release it as soon as the month starts wouldn’t be the best decision.” The professor said, “Any more questions? No? Alright. I see that you all know the gist of this, and so we’ll continue with a lecture on how to adapt to this situation, alright? And if any of you suddenly burst inside of this classroom, I expect that you’ll be helping us clean up the flood once this month is over, got it?” The students all nodded as they continued to hear their teacher, doing their best to hold the lion inside their loins.
In the capital though, things weren’t going so well for the military.
Captain Shining Armor was lying somewhat peacefully in a recliner chair, taking in the air through deep breaths as he tried to save his mind from any thoughts, especially Cadence. He loved the Princess of Love, however as Captain of not one but two nations, he needed to make sure nothing happened to him, or else the fragile order that existed within the military during this month would shatter. Adding that he was one of the few stallions who were marked as ‘Hyper Stallions’, he was extra precautious from beginning a ‘cum’pocalypse.
However, the sounds of explosive bursts did not help in Shining’s case, as the sound of both pain and ecstasy rattled through the walls. Taken out of his meditation state, the married stallion suddenly felt the urge between his legs and while he was able to halt it, it took away much of his strength, a strength he needed if he were to survive the entire month.
Suddenly the Captain of the Royal Guard heard a knock on his door. Lifting himself from his chair, the white stallion walked to the door, smiling as he noticed a young friend of his, dressed in his new uniform.
“It’s nice seeing you in your new uniform, Lieutenant General Midnight Blitzer.” The white unicorn said to the younger blue pegasi, who simply smiled while letting out a light-hearted laugh.
“Don’t ya think that the title is a bit too long? You could call me Lieutenant Midnight if you want. You are my superior.” Midnight said, his green eyes showing an unrivaled amount of happiness. Shining Armor simply chuckled as he began to shake Midnight’s wild dark blue mane.
“Alright Midnight, let’s stop horsin’ around. We have a lot of things to take care of.” Shining Armor said as he went to his seat to sit down. “So you know what today is right?” The Prince of the Crystal Empire asked as Midnight thought about the question.
“It’s… November? What about it?” The young ‘lieutenant’ replied. The Captain suddenly froze as he looked at the young colt in confusion. There’s no way that he-
Wanting to see whether his suspicion was true or not, Shining Armor went ahead and asked Midnight another question.
“How old are you?” The white stallion asked as he looked at him up and down, already guessing that Midnight could not be older than twenty. He had after all trained the young colt, but with the years flying by it was hard to keep track. Midnight simply tilted his head with his confused look.
“I’m 18. And…?” The young soldier looked at his superior with confusion, not understanding where this was heading. Shining Armor simply face hooved.
“Let me put this bluntly. Do you know what ‘No Nut November’ is?” The Captain of the Guard inquired. As Midnight began to open his mouth to respond, an explosion, many times more powerful than those before, rang through the entire building. Upon hearing this, Shining Armor began to hurriedly push Midnight outside of the door, already knowing what happened upstairs.
“Well let me begin to show you.” The Captain said as he pulled up a walkie-talkie. “Can anyone give me a location as to where the eruption occurred?” The white stallion asked as he began to increase his walking speed, knowing very well that a flooded building would lead to high repair costs. His signal was picked up by someone, as moans of both pain and pleasure played in the background.
“Can someone help me!? The room is getting flooded- Gah! Help me! I don’t want to go down this way!” The sound of a terrified stallion was heard through the device as he was drowning.
“What room are you in!?” Shining Armor said as he and Midnight opened the stairway and began to run upstairs, to where the explosion took place.
“3F! 3F And someone please help me!” The stallion screamed before the signal was caught off. Shining Armor and Midnight began to run upstairs to the third floor, and to their surprise, they could see the floor already being covered by a white gooey substance as it leaked through the cracks of the door. The two stood on opposite ends of the door, with Midnight entering the code of the door. He had memorized every single code number of each room during his free time, just in case he was sent to command a group.
The Captain of the Royal Guard nodded to Midnight, giving him the order to enter the room the moment they opened the door. Upon pulling the door with all of his might though, Shining was suddenly blasted away as a torrent of white goo rushed through the door, splattering the opposite wall and increasing the flow of the weird substance. Midnight began to lift his hoof while appearing disgusted by the fluid.
“What is this!?” Midnight yelled. Shining simply rolled his eyes as it appeared that it was the young pegasus’s first time seeing this.
“It’s what I’ve been telling you! It’s-” Before Shining could finish his sentence, another torrent of the substance blasted out of the room, knocking the captain over onto the ground and painting the entire hallway white. While the already white stallion began to wipe the goo from his fur, in vain, Midnight began to study the substance, picking it up with his hoof and squishing it, before a wave of realization passed through his face.
“Hey! This is goo!” Midnight said, causing Shining to shake his head as he began to pull himself up.
“No Midnight this is-”
“No I mean it, it's slime goo! Liquid slime goo!” Midnight said as he handed Shining the squished substance. After feeling it for a moment, Shining Armor began to blink in confusion.
“Y-you’re right… this is goo… which means…” Before Shining Armor could finish his sentence, the two began to hear a familiar mare beginning to laugh out loud. They turned their gazes inside the room to see a cyan pegasus sprawled on the floor, laughing at full volume. Beside her was a mortified stallion, who just seconds ago thought the world was about to end for him. Shining Armor growled at the young mare who continued to laugh nonstop.
"Oh, you should see your face! I mean look at you! It looks like you just got a face load of cu-" Before the cyan pegasi could finish, Shining Armor dealt her a hard punch, causing her to collapse to the ground. But to their surprise, and Shining’s annoyance, the mare continued to laugh again.
"Rainbow! That stallion could've died right now! Do you know what types of charges you would receive if he had drowned in this goo?!" Shining Armor roared, but to his annoyance again, she shrugged it off.
"Well, it would've been his fault. He could've simply opened a vent or a window, or simply run outside. Are you saying that you guards can't even save their bums…" The rainbow-maned mare said, before scratching her chin as she thought about her statement. "...Well, it does explain the army's incompetency-"
"Rainbow!" Shining Armor barked at her, causing her to freeze for a moment and look at him with a sheepish expression. "This is a serious situation and we can't allow ponies like you to cause havoc! Right Midnight?" The Captain of the Guard asked, looking at said blue pegasi who was in his world before snapping himself back into the present.
"Yeah. I guess so." Midnight said, giving his sheepish expression. The white unicorn slightly frowned at Midnight's spacing out, but given that Midnight was currently grabbing and studying the goo, there was at least a legitimate reason for why the colt was being so distracted at this point. The cyan pegasi raised an eyebrow.
"What is he doing here? I thought he was too innocent to be doing these tasks." Rainbow asked, tilting her own head. Shining Armor sighed as he brought a hoof to his face and did a slow face hoof.
"I just realized that he doesn't even know what 'No Nut November' is, let alone know what your trick was implying." Shining Armor stated, frowning at Rainbow who smiled deviously.
"Well, it's not like you could stop me… unless you want to ruin your little building by splattering it with your own white substance eh?" Rainbow said as she slowly began to pull out a piece of paper, presumably with an exotic scene in it. Shining Armor immediately looked away, not wanting to become 'excited', but immediately frowned when he heard Rainbow beginning to laugh again. He turned around and saw Midnight looking at Rainbow’s picture, which was that of a peanut. The fact she knew what type of pun it was only infuriated him even more as Rainbow began to laugh.
"Oh my Faust! You fell for that again!" Rainbow said as she fell to the floor, laughing as hard as she could. Shining Armor immediately felt flustered at being tricked twice in a row as Midnight handed the picture of the peanut to him.
"Welp I gotta go before you get back to your senses! See ya! And good luck with surviving No Nut November!" The female pegasi said before jumping out of the nearby window and flying away. The Captain of the guard simply growled that Rainbow ran away. Ever since she knew about No Nut November, she would constantly terrorize and make fun of poor stallions, whether verbally, physically, or through a prank. She never had any limit when it came to making a stallion's life in November hell, and thus Shining had become annoyed by her presence. There was not a single pony that was more annoying than her during No Nut November.
"So does that mean we won’t be eating peanuts, walnuts, or any type of nut during this month?" Midnight asked, confused as to what No Nut November meant, causing Shining to deadpan.
Well, maybe there was someone who could end up being at least as annoying as Rainbow during No Nut November.
The married stallion still could not believe that Midnight did not know what No Nut November meant, as if he couldn't feel between his legs. The Captain of the Guard found this to be very strange, and a bit worrisome even.
"Midnight… let’s go to a private room to cha-"
An alarm clock suddenly rang through Shining's ear as Midnight’s watch suddenly sparked to life, prompting the young pegasus to turn it off.
"Well, I think it's time for me to go to the gym. See ya!" Before Shining could even stop him, Midnight had already zipped away around the corner, out of sight and out of range of hearing. The older stallion simply sighed as he wondered how to explain to Midnight what No Nut November was, as well as to answer some other questions like how Midnight managed to go through several years without feeling the repercussions of the month and such.
The rest of the day went as one would expect. Considering that it was just the first day, controlling their urges was easy for many stallions, with some exceptions. The only major instances of 'cumplosions' occurring around the building were because of Rainbow's goo pranks, which ended once Shining Armor ratted her out of the building. No stallion would explode in a burst of pain and pleasure, at least for today. But it was apparent that the younger and less experienced colts were already showing symptoms that they would buckle under the pressure soon.
In the meantime, Shining Armor found himself lucky that he wouldn’t have to deal with the real explosions anytime, though he had to admit that the prank Rainbow did cut down a part of his mental and physical strength he would need when the pressure gets tight, especially during the last week of November. But for now, things were calm.
As of right now though, Shining Armor didn’t have much to do. At first, he began to plan a way to give Midnight a proper education about No Nut November as well as a course over his anatomy and the… ‘fun’ he could get using it. Not in November, but certainly another month, though Shining did find himself questioning why he should be teaching Midnight these things. Shouldn’t the colt’s father have taught him?
Of course, he immediately dropped his plans the moment his legs began to twitch. It was too risky to do it, especially since November had just started, not to mention how a Hyper Stallion's relief was even more powerful than the average. Since he was a Hyper Stallion, the fear of destroying the military base was enough for him to survive various Novembers without erupting in an explosion of pleasure. Ironically, this led him to get a pretty decent record for surviving as many NNN months as he could. He didn't want to break his record because of Rainbow Dash pranking him into cumming or because of Midnight who didn't know what No Nut November was.
Hopefully, he thought, he could look into Midnight's medical record to see the reason why the youngling didn't know what No Nut November was. Shining just didn’t find a reason as to why Midnight would be so naive. Had the youngling learned a way to restrain himself and never burst?
The feeling of excitement returned, forcing Shining to drop the thought again. He needed to concentrate and relax his mind and body.
As he proceeded to his dormitory, he spotted Midnight laughing along with a mare, as if today was just any other day of the year. For a moment, a hint of jealousy seeped into the Prince of the Crystal Empire. The young colt continued to act naturally as if there was no such thing as November. The fact that the mare, a purple bat pony, had a hot body, caused Shining to become surprised that Midnight showed no signs of lust or being flustered by her body. For whatever reason, Midnight seemed completely unaffected by No Nut November. The older stallion wished he had Midnight’s purity. It would allow him to see his wife during these times, and not get distracted by her beautiful and curvy bo-
Shining’s legs began to quiver once more, forcing him to immediately duck into his room and remove any of his thoughts from his mind. He would not let himself fail. He will survive this month, even if it means distancing himself from any thoughts, including his wife. As Shining began to force his mind to shut down for the night, he could still hear Midnight and the bat pony laughing, and causing Shining to sigh.
As the Captain of the Guard drifted off to sleep, the blue pegasi and purple bat pony continued to have their fun conversation, laughing as much as they could while sharing jokes and such.
“...So I was like, ‘Fancy people be like Isht Toosday init?’ and that other guy in our dormitory said ‘Fancy people be like: Can I get a bowel uf wuter.’ and we had such a good laugh with that ‘Fancy people be like’ meme. You should’ve been there!” The purple bat pony said while Midnight could help but laugh at the absurd jokes.
“‘Oh mein goth! Aa just su funi’” Midnight replied, and the two of them laughed even harder as Midnight simply shook his head. “We’re now just sounding so absurd right?” Midnight asked and the purple bat pony just laughed it off.
“Who cares? Let other ponies mind their own business. We’re just young adults just wanting to have some fun by telling bad puns.” The thestral said, giggling once more. As the two of them headed to the balcony outside, the two couldn’t help but continue laughing uncontrollably. The moon, now rising, caused the thestral to shudder a bit as she could feel its power entering her. Just like how many daytime ponies depended on the sun for their strength, so did the nocturnals depend on the moon for their power.
“So what happened today Midnight? Anything ‘exciting’ occurred?” The bat pony said, adding a sensual tone to the word ‘exciting’. Midnight began to laugh a bit as he remembered what happened earlier in the morning.
“Shining Armor got pranked by Rainbow.” Midnight said. “She shot a massive wave of goo at him after tricking him that an ‘explosion’ went off upstairs!” The young lieutenant general said, causing the bat pony to start blushing while laughing as hard as she could.
“Poor Shining! He probably thought that he just got sprayed by a wave of cum!” The bat pony said, giggling uncontrollably before looking at Midnight. “Were you shocked as well?” The thestral asked. Midnight shook his head while smiling softly.
“You know me Moonlight, I don’t get surprised that easily. Just took me a second to realize it was goo while Shining was still recovering from the shock. He thought it was something else.” The young pegasi, still laughing a bit as he remembered how Shining was yeeted into the opposite wall by the torrent of goo. Moonlight simply chuckled.
“He shouldn’t have been fooled so easily. It’s unheard of a stallion failing to hold his load within the first day. And as for colts, well they can’t blow up that big. Everyone knows this for No Nut November.” Moonlight said, before tilting her head as she looked at Midnight’s confused face before she began to smile softly. “Hmm… maybe one cute guy doesn’t know what No Nut November is.” The thestral said as she began to ruffle his mane.
“Well, what is it anyway?” Midnight asked Moonlight, who held a hoof to her chin as she began to think how she should answer him. She suddenly smiled as she brought Midnight closer to her.
“What do you think ‘No Nut November’ means?” Moonlight asked, to which Midnight shrugged.
“Uhm… you can’t eat nuts in November?” Midnight asked, with a hint of uncertainty. Moonlight simply giggled as she decided to just play along.
“Exactly. The temptation is so strong for some stallions that they fail to go a month without eating nuts. Do you understand? You need to win this challenge by not eating any nuts! Got it?” Moonlight silently laughed as she saw Midnight beginning to ‘understand’ what ‘No Nut November’ meant.
“Got it. Shouldn’t be too difficult to complete the mission.” Midnight said, smiling after Moonlight, who patted him on the head.
“Good boy, now let’s get some shut-eye alright? And maybe we can continue telling funny jokes in the morning alright?” The thestral offered as they walked to the door of their dormitory. As they finally began to enter the room and hit the hay, Midnight told one final joke.
“‘Fancy people would be like: ight wu be ma pleshur.’”
The two of them laugh, their sounds muffled by the walls as the door closes behind them and they go to sleep.
What Do You Mean We Can't Eat Nuts!?
Now Lean Back For Examination
Author's Note
Yay! The second chapter since the author's block for this story has ended!
Sit back, relax, and take everything with an entire bottle of salt so that you can enjoy the jokes and innuendos.
Shoutout to Hanzal/Mint for allowing me to use Candy.
Now Lean Back For Examination
Chapter 6:
“So… what are we going to be doing anyway?” Midnight Blitzer asked as they entered the room. Inside was all sorts of medical machinery, from X-Rays to the fabled Magic Scanner. Everything was clean and organized, and upon seeing a white unicorn with a pink and white striped mane inside the room, the young blue pegasi presumed that she was the one who was responsible for helping around.
Health Check, processing what the young lieutenant had just said, turned around and looked at him in confusion.
“Uhm… you do know why you’re right?” The white red-mane pegasi asked while looking at Moonlight who shrugged. Health Check only became more surprised when Midnight shook his head. “Well… That’s… Hmm… Candy! Bring me all the devices in the… left corner alright?” Health Check ordered, prompting the white unicorn within the room to walk towards the left side of the room before glancing at Health Check.
“The one labeled ‘XXX’?” The white unicorn asked, having read the inscription. Moonlight couldn’t help but snicker as Health Check simply deadpanned before face hoofing.
“I swear ponies these days… Uhm yeah! That one! Bring me everything! We have a patient with very interesting properties that need to be checked.” Health Check replied, still annoyed by whoever could’ve written such a category. Candy nodded enthusiastically before she began the process to bring everything that was going to be needed for Midnight’s check-up. The blue pegasi stared at the curvy unicorn with confusion.
“So… who is she?” Midnight asked as turned around to face Health Check. The young mare smiled as Candy placed down a device on a nearby table and saw the unicorn plugging it in an outlet.
“Oh. Candy is a nurse in training, well… sort of. She was supposed to be a full-fledged nurse already, but due to NNN her graduation ceremony was postponed till December, if not January” Health Check replied, smiling proudly at the mare, before tilting her head at the blue pegasi. “You do know what NNN is right?”
“Nope.” Midnight replied, only for the machine that Candy had placed to release a loud sound. The three looked to see that it was flickering a green light, which caused Health Check to groan. “Is that a True/False Machine?” The blue pegasi asked, to which the white pegasi nodded with a sad smile.
“Yes it is, and unfortunately for me, my work with you just doubled. I honestly thought that you were lying or had a faint memory I could use to quicken things up, but you really are clueless.” The nurse stated before scratching her mane, trying to think of questions that could help speed things up. “Hmm… does the word… ‘cum’ mean anything to you?” Health Check asked with a hopeful expression, before immediately frowning when the blue pegasi shook his head.
“Nope.”
The device flickered green again, which caused the mare to think again.
“Have you heard it being mentioned before?” The mare asked with another hopeful expression. Given how well-known NNN is, surely he should’ve heard it at least once on a pass by.
“If I did then I can’t remember!”
The two mares deadpanned when they saw the machine flicker green again, even though both of them knew that not hearing the word was downright impossible. Does his mind just simply filter out these things from his memory?
“Uhm… Have you viewed your mare friend, or any other mare in general, with a lustful, intoxicating, or fuzzy feeling?” The white pegasi asked again. Midnight simply shrugged.
“I have no idea what the first two mean, and I never checked for the third.”
Moonlight simply deadpanned upon hearing Midnight state this, while Health Check was still confused as to nothing triggered anything within the blue pegasi. Meanwhile, Candy had hauled over another device so when the True/False Q&A was finished, they could jump into another category.
The young nurse, confused and not knowing how to deal with this situation, tried another angle.
“Are you… into stallions?” Health Check asked, causing Moonlight to blink in surprise. Perhaps that was the reason he wasn’t into her or any other mare? Maybe the only thing that could click something in his mind was that he was-
“I’m confused.”
Moonlight let out a sigh of relief as she heard Midnight state this, but was still disappointed with Midnight's extreme innocence. Just how innocent was this colt? Well, at least if they’re able to fix Midnight, Moonlight will be able to take him and not some random stallion.
“Are you asexual?” The nurse asked, becoming more and more desperate by each passing second.
“I honestly don’t know half of what you’re saying.” Midnight stated as the machine flickered green again, prompting Health Check to face hoof as another easy exit was yeeted out of the window. For a moment she seriously had hoped that this was just all an issue of a self-induced innocence because he was asexual, but apparently, he’s just simply extremely innocent.
“Well, I’m just going to put you as innocently asexual for now…” The nurse muttered, before getting another thought, one that should help. “Oh! I know an easy one! Have your parents ever told you of ‘the birds and the bees’? Perhaps you or a sibling asked your parents about ‘where do foals come from’ and your parents, trying to preserve your innocence, told you that you came from a baby factory or a stork or something like that. So, did they tell you?” Red Nurse asked, who along with Moonlight looked attentively at the machine.
“Nope.”
The two mares looked at the machine carefully, which for some strange reason, hadn’t given a response yet. Tension, anxiety, and desperation grew as the machine remained unresponsive, and they were wondering why this was happening when Moonlight suddenly noticed that it was unplugged. Health Check soon realized this too and the two mares stared at Candy who was plugging in the Magic Scanner, having unplugged the True/False Machine to make room for it. The white unicorn simply blinked before sheepishly laughing.
“I guess you three weren’t finished yet?” Candy nervously asked as Health Check simply face hooved for the hundredth time in a row. “Y-Yeah I’ll go ahead and reconnect it.” The white unicorn said, embarrassed, before unplugging the Magic Scanner and replugging the True/False Machine. To Moonlight and Health Check’s utter disappointment, the machine lit up with a green light.
“H-H-HOW!?” Health Check yelled before she began to bang her head against the table. “All parents are supposed to teach this to their kids the moment they go through puberty, and at the very latest, the moment they become thirteen! Where were your parents then!?” The white pegasi screamed in desperation, trying to make sense of what was going on. Midnight however stepped back a bit, something that both Moonlight and Health Check noticed.
“I… Well… Uhm…”
“So do you want to start the Magic Scanner now Health Check?” Candy asked, having unplugged the Truth/False Machine and reinserting the other device’s power cord. Health Check looked back at Midnight, whose facial expression was now neutral, and sighed.
“I guess so.” Health Check answered before she felt the purple thestral pulling to the side a bit before leaning and whispering into her ear.
“You felt it as well, right?” Moonlight asked with a hint of concern. The white pegasi nodded.
“Yes. But let us not pry into this right now. Let’s first help your friend know what NNN is.” Health Check stated, using a calm and soothing voice to lower the stress within the purple thestral. The white pegasi soon turned to face Midnight again with a soft smile.
“Well, I think it’s time for me to use the Magic Scanner on you. Please stand up and stay still as I use this to examine your body.” Health Check commanded. The young blue pegasi complied as he stood up and allowed the Health Check to prime the machine, with Candy assisting her. While it looked like a regular X-Ray scanner, the device looked far more sophisticated. The machine shot a wave of energy at Midnight as it began to examine him from head to hoof.
“Please note that this will take some time to process, but we’ll give you an answer within fifteen minutes I can say.” The white pegasi said to Moonlight and Midnight as the machine continued to receive data from him. “So, you said that your colt friend is clueless about NNN right? Do you want me to teach him?” The nurse asked the purple thestral, causing her to smile.
“Yes! Thank you!” Moonlight said excitedly, which made the nurse smile for a bit.
“Alright. Just tell me how hard it will be from 1 to 10. 1 means a foal who just was unlucky to not have learned what NNN meant and 10 being that if I tried to forcefully teach him it would result in me losing some brain cells.” The nurse asked, causing Moonlight to let out a nervous laugh.
“You’ll figure it out I guess.” The purple thestral replied, causing the nurse to deadpan before she let out a forced laugh.
“Then 11 it is.” The nurse sighed before turning to Midnight who had just finished being examined by the Magic Scanner which now began to process all the data it received. “So, tell me, what do you see in these two pictures?" Heart Check asked, holding up two pictures that caused Moonlight to blush. However, Midnight remained confused.
"Uhm… a lip and a stick?" The young blue pegasus replied in confusion.
"And this?" The mare asked, pulling out another picture.
"A lip."
"And this?"
"A lip a lip a lip lip lip a-"
"Alright! You don't have to go ahead and sing it!" The white pegasus yelled after showing Midnight various pictures, only to be surprised when the colt continued to show no reaction. Feeling a light tap on her shoulder, the mare smiled when Candy handed her a piece of paper with all the data having been processed. "Alright! The answer to all of our problems, at least I hope so." Heart Check stated as she began to read to herself. The two soldiers looked in confusion as the nurse’s expression constantly shifted, from worry to shock to… embarrassment?
"What happened Heart Check?" Moonlight asked, walking over to the white pegasi who simply passed the paper to Moonlight who began to read and show similar reactions. "Oh my." A blush began to form on her cheek.
“Take into account that this is based on what the Magic Scanner is predicting, and even so it’s relatively new and possible for malfunctions, but even so, if what this says is true… but it still doesn’t explain it though… how come he’s still innocent?” Health Check said out loud as she grabbed the paper back and began to skim over the mental development area. “Like he’s all young and healthy, and it’s not like part of him hasn’t fully matured.” The nurse stated before scrolling down the data. “Wait, how come I’m picking up signals of various sleeping compounds?” The white pegasi asked, causing Moonlight to nervously laugh.
“Y-Yeah I might’ve accidentally done that when I tickled him with my wings.” Moonlight stated, causing the mare to deadpan before suddenly realizing something.
“You’re a Lunar Guard right?” Health Check asked, causing Moonlight to smile.
“You bet I am! You’re facing one of the best night guards under Princess Luna’s command, and damn right I’m proud to be in it!” The thestral exclaimed, standing up and doing a proud salute. “Since the Changeling Invasion, Luna had gathered various guards and turned them into some of the best fighting forces yet. I and the rest of my corp are specialized in counterintelligence, night raiding, asymmetrical fighting, interrogation-”
“Wait wait wait, say that again?” Health Check asked, noticing Midnight fidgeting a bit upon the mention of ‘Changeling Invasion’. Moonlight simply smiled as she began to repeat what she had said.
“I and the rest of the Lunar Guards received specialized-”
“Yes! That word! Midnight! You, along with Moonlight, are some of the highest-ranking guards for your age. What did you specialize in?” The white pegasi asked, feeling that she figured out the case. Midnight looked side to side before shrugging.
“I, like Moonlight, am specialized in all sorts of areas, but since I became a Royal Guard, the first thing I tackled was my ability to become neutral towards everything and become as efficient as a guard as I can by not being distracted by anything. If I had been captured, I bet you every single changeling’s first would’ve broken before I did.” Midnight replied proudly, before becoming surprised when Health Check began to celebrate.
“Yes! Moonlight, I finally figured it out!” The white pegasi yelled, causing Moonlight to become confused.
“Wait what? What do you mean?” Moonlight asked in confusion, not being able to connect the dots, and any ideas she made ended up not making any sense. Health Check simply lifted the paper.
“The scanner still is telling me that the sleeping compounds inside Midnight are still inside of him, which is why I was able to detect them in the first place. The only conclusion I can think of as to why Midnight isn’t in a coma right now is because his body is currently suppressing them! And since the first thing he specialized in was to become resistant to everything, then that means when he first began to develop BBS, or Blue Balled Symptom, his body immediately began to suppress his testosterone, or at the very least diverted them to other areas like muscle growth, which would’ve helped him tremendously when he moved onto other areas of training.” The white pegasi exclaimed. “Now all I have to do is figure out how to undo the block he created onto himself and he’ll be able to finally live a normal life!” The nurse exclaimed, before remembering something. “Unfortunately I don’t know if it’ll be safe to liberate him, given what you and I both saw.” The mare said, lowering her head while sighing, along with Moonlight who finally understood what she was trying to explain.
“Yeah… pity… But maybe we could try? Perhaps we just need to partially undo what Midnight did to himself and he’ll be able to use his other abilities to live an actual normal life? Like before Discord placed the curse onto Equestria?” Moonlight theorized. “Wait. Why don’t we ask Discord for another time? I’m sure he’ll be interested in seeing a stallion like Midnight somehow being immune to NNN.” Moonlight stated, to which Health Check nodded.
“That sounds plausible. Given that the military is currently a train wreck, I don’t think anybody would mind your absence.” The white pegasi said as she and Candy began to pack things away. “If you two decide to go on that journey, then I wish you two good luck.” Health Check said, causing Midnight to blink.
“Wait. What about my training plan for Gallus! Shining Armor is bound to force me to train Gallus the proper way because there’s no way to keep things organized for whatever reason this month. I planned to make Gallus into a great guard so that I can spread my methods of teaching!” Midnight exclaimed, pouting a bit.
“Oh, Midnight. We could always do that later. Tell you what, once we go ahead and find Discord, you can train with Gallus for the rest of the month and prove to Shining that your training methods work alright?” Moonlight responded, ruffling Midnight’s mane. The young blue pegasi sighed.
“Alright. Then I guess we go tomorrow?” The young blue pegasi asked. The thestral nodded.
“Yes, tomorrow. Bye Health Check and Candy! Thank you for your health!” The thestral yelled, causing Candy to giggle while Health Check deadpanned.
“Yes… health… somehow not ‘help’. See you later, and tell me how things go with Midnight alright?” The white pegasi mare said as Moonlight and Midnight stepped outside of the room. But while Midnight started to ramble on how everything made him confused and that he still wanted to train Gallus now, all that Moonlight could think was this:
“Damn. Who knew an innocent colt like him could be that big.”
