Chapters Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Infiltrating the Toy Mafia
Rarity walked over to her friend, Fluttershy, and asked her what she was doing there. Fluttershy lowered her sunglasses in suspicion.
"I should be asking you the same thing," she said suspiciously.
"Simply put, I spotted that man over there at the poker table outside of Sweet Snacks last week!" Rarity explained. "I don't know why he was there, since they're supposed to be operating here!"
"That's true. Yet, for some reason, they nearly managed to recruit three new members."
"The Dazzlings?"
"Bingo. The only reason they didn't join was because they couldn't follow through with one of their requests. Apparently, they wanted them to whack somebody, but they couldn't bring themselves to do it. So, they backed out and have gone missing since then. At least, that's what I heard from my mother, the head of the Canterlot City Police Department. And I see you're working with Sam and Max over there. Word of advice when around those two: expect the unexpected."
As they continued their conversation, Sam decided to play the Whack Da Ratz game by using his own gun. After getting twenty points, he received a green teddy bear magnet as a prize, which he put in his pocket. As he was doing that, Rainbow walked over to the one-armed bandit and decided to play the slots. She inserted a token and pulled on the arm lever. The three slots all had bags of money and a little jingle played.
"You're on fire!" the automated voice said.
"Hell, yeah! I won!" she exclaimed.
"And you just wasted your money. There's no prize, idiot!" Twilight chastised.
"Hey! I used play slots just to get a piece of gum over at the candy store. It was fun."
As the girls were talking, a man in a pink teddy bear mask exited the elevator for a bit, then turned to go back.
"Hold it! What's the password?" the man in the blue mask asked.
The man in the pink mask muttered something that was indecipherable.
"You may enter."
And with that, he was allowed to go back up the elevator.
"If only I could make out what that man was saying!" Fluttershy grumbled. "It'd make infiltrating this place a whole lot easier!"
"Well, the store owner, Bosco, did say that he had a miniature listening device," Rarity said. "Only problem is that it costs ten million dollars."
"Figures."
"How are we going to get that kind of money?"
Just then, both of them saw Pinkie throwing the Ace of Spade at the clown nose above the rotating door.
"Pinkie Pie, honestly! What was that for?"
"I was trying to beat this Leonard Steakcharmer guy at Indian Poker," Pinkie explained.
Leonard was a bald man with a curly mustache. He wore a dark red shirt and a belt with his initials on it.
"Cheater," Fluttershy muttered as Pinkie waved at her.
Rarity made a slashing motion with her throat, telling her to shut up.
"Okie dokie lokie!" she whispered.
Pinkie played another round of Indian Poker with Leonard. After looking at each other's card, Pinkie decided to bet a token. Leonard was confident that he won until the dealer announced that it was Pinkie who had won.
"You cheated me!" Leonard wailed.
"No, I didn't! I beat you fair and square!" Pinkie exclaimed. "At least your stepbrother doesn't cheat!"
"Why? Why'd you have to bring Boris up?"
"Pay up, Steakcharmer!" the dealer ordered.
Leonard cried as he was forced to give up his ten million tokens that he had won from playing Indian Poker. Pinkie took the tokens and shoved them into her hair for safe keeping. Fluttershy took out her lollipop and walked over to Leonard.
"Well, well, well. Payback's a bitch, isn't it, Lenny?" Fluttershy mocked.
"Leave me alone!" Leonard growled.
"Hmph! Be that way!"
Pinkie and the others, except for Fluttershy, then decided to go back to Bosco's and pay for the miniature listening device.
Once they got to Bosco's and paid the amount in tokens, Bosco gave them the miniature listening device, which was revealed to be a literal bug.
"Are you insane, Bosco?! THAT IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!" Rarity shouted.
The bug then repeated everything she said and in her exact voice like a parrot.
"What the hay?! That thing's like a parrot!" Applejack gasped.
"You got that right, missy!" the bug said in a drill instructor-like voice. "Now, listen up, maggots! Just drop me in enemy territory, and I will get all the information you need. You just make sure to pick me up again, and I will repeat every word. Every word!"
"We might put you in some dangerous situations," Twilight said, picking up the bug. "Do you think you can handle it, sir?"
"I was in 'Nam, lady! You don't want to know what I been through. They slaughtered ladybugs. Ladybugs! And that's not all. I've seen 'em kill... larvae! Larvae!"
"Yeah, yeah. I think we get it. You can handle it."
She put the bug into her skirt pocket for safe keeping, then she and others walked out of the store.
After returning to the casino, Twilight placed the bug close the person who was guarding the elevator. The bug crawled on to the wall and prepared to listen to the guard's conversation.
"A bug?" Fluttershy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"He can handle it, Fluttershy," Twilight smiled. "Just like you're able to handle yourself out here."
"Well, thanks. I try. But how are you going to get him to strike up conversation?"
"That one guy came out of the elevator when Rainbow played the one-armed bandit, right? I believe that he comes down the elevator to see if a prize has somehow been dispensed from it. He's most likely the maintenance guy."
Twilight gave Rainbow a token to play the slots again. Rainbow smiled and ran over to the one-armed bandit using her super speed. She inserted the token into the slot and pulled the arm lever. Once again, she won the jackpot, but with no prize. And once again, the man wearing the pink teddy bear mask exited the elevator. And as soon as he attempted to go back in, the guard asked him for the password, which he gave to him.
"You may enter," the guard said, letting him through.
Twilight walked over to the bug and picked him back up. She then walked over to where the others were and had the bug repeat what the two guys. And, in their voices, as well.
"Hold it! What's the password? That's gotta be, what, a hundred times I've come through that door today? And you still don't recognize me? It's the bear heads, boss, they all look alike. Leave the gun, take the cannolis. You may enter."
"Thank you, sir!" Twilight said as she put the bug back into her pocket.
Before going to the guard, however, Fluttershy gave her friends each a mask to wear. Every one of them looked like a different animal. Fluttershy wore a purple bunny mask, Twilight wore a bear mask, Pinkie wore a chicken mask, Rainbow wore a red fox mask, Applejack wore an alligator mask, and Rarity wore a wolf mask.
"Why are we wearing these, Flutters?" Rainbow groaned.
"To help us sneak in," Fluttershy explained. "The Toy Mafia won't allow just anyone in. You also need to have an animal costume. I originally made these for the Halloween show last year, but we got rained out. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. That was a huge blow."
"Anyways, let's go."
Everyone walked up to the guard, who then asked them for the password.
"Leave the gun, take the cannolis," Sam said.
"You may enter," the guard responded.
The group walked up to the elevator and went up to the top floor. Upon exiting the elevator, everyone saw members of the toy mafia.
"This is it? Where's the food?" Max asked. "Surely there's a buffet back here."
"Hey, look! That must be Ted E. Bear!" Sam said as he pointed to a man wearing an orange teddy bear mask.
"Where do you wise guys think you're going?" the man in the pink teddy bear mask asked.
"We were just browsing."
"We frown on that around here. I'm Chuckles, the casino pit boss. I've had my eye on you."
"For how long?" Fluttershy asked.
"Long enough. Your win at Poker was, shall we say, creative. That was nice work. You also somehow got the password to let you into this room -- very clever. I'm impressed. The Toy Mafia can use guys who are long on brains and short on scruples. You interested?"
"What mafia?" Sam asked.
"Exactly."
"Well then, I can't think of anything I'd rather do, at least not for the next five minutes."
"I've always wanted to be a thug. Officially, I mean," Max said.
"The fact that you've already got your own animal costumes shows great initiative, but before we can accept you into the family, there are two jobs I need you to do for me," Chuckles said.
Just then, the elevator opened and the dealer broke the news that the original meatball sandwich had just been stolen.
"There are THREE jobs I need you to do."
"What kind of jobs?" Max asked.
"Oh, the usual. I want you to lean on somebody, I want you to whack somebody, and I want you to recover a small item that belongs to us."
"Who do you want us to lean on?" Sam asked.
"A local shopkeeper who's been refusing to stock our products. Take these special teddy bears and make sure he displays them on the sale table in front of his store."
"Teddy bears in store front. Got it," Twilight said as she took the box.
"The store is called Bosco's Inconvenience."
"Uhhh... Sure. We'll do it," she said nervously.
She gave the box to Pinkie, who then put it in her hair for safekeeping.
"Who do you want us to whack?" Sam asked.
"We're having trouble with a witness who refuses to see things our way," Chuckles explained. "I want you to silence a certain Sybil Pandemik."
"Silence as in gag her?" Max asked.
"Gag her with a pistol! Heh heh heh."
"You want us to kill Sybil," Sam said gravely.
"Make it messy, as a message to other potential witnesses. We have her under surveillance, so we will be watching."
"I knew it! I knew that web cam was put there by somebody recently! " Twilight thought.
"What is it that you want us to recover? It's that rotting old sandwich, right?" Sam asked.
"The original meatball sandwich has great sentimental value to our organization," Chuckles explained. "I want you to track it down before the disrespectful slimebag who stole it manages to fence it to some other lowlife."
"Someone like Jimmy Two-Teeth!" Rarity grumbled under her breath.
"Deal with the thief as you see it. We'd like to preserve plausible deniability on this one."
"Got it. We'll do those things," Fluttershy said.
"Do these three things and you shall be as we are."
"Verbally overrot?" Max asked.
"Members of the Toy Mafia!"
"I see. Well, we'll be on our way, now," Fluttershy said.
"A word of advice, because I like you, when you walk away from the Toy Mafia? Watch your back."
After the conversation was over, the group exited the room and went back to the streets of the office. While on their way there, the girls took off their masks and put them away to use later.
Upon reaching the streets, the group got out of the DeSoto and were understandably conflicted. Why wouldn't they be? They had just been told that they needed to pressure Bosco into displaying the Toy Mafia's teddy bears, kill Sybil, and retrieve the original meatball sandwich. How can they do it without arousing suspicion and actually killing Sybil? If they were going to solve this case, then they needed to do something one way or another.
Author's Note
The character of Boris that Leonard is referring to is Boris Krinkle from TellTale's very first game, Telltale Texas Hold'Em . Both Leonard and Boris are told that they look like each other as a joke in their respective games.
Also, the masks that the girls wear are a reference to Scott Cawthon's iconic horror franchise, Five Nights at Freddy's.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
It was a beautiful day in Canterlot City. On this particular day, Rarity was sitting over at Sweet Snacks, a place where Pinkie Pie worked at, after school, reading her Shadow Spade novel.
"Ooohh! I just love a good mystery!" she said as she tore through the pages.
Just then, something managed to catch her eye outside the window. It was a mysterious looking man with a teddy bear-like mask reading a newspaper.
As soon as he noticed her looking at him, he folded his newspaper and bolted away from the restaurant.
"A mysterious looking man. Sounds like a mystery!"
Later that day, Rarity put on her red detective gear and proceeded to look for clues. As she did, she eventually bumped into Rainbow Dash outside.
"Uh, what are you doing, Rarity?" Rainbow asked.
"I'm following a mysterious looking man that was outside the restaurant earlier," Rarity replied.
"He didn't happen to be wearing a teddy bear mask did he?"
"Yes!"
"That means it's a member of the Toy Mafia. FROM NEW YORK! Rarity, those guys are serious!"
"Be that as it may, Rainbow Dash, I'm still going to follow him. And besides, we might run into Pinkie and Fluttershy out there. They did explain to us that they were going there for a while."
"Well, yeah, I guess you're right. I'll go tell the others and we'll be off!"
And with that, Rainbow Dash ran to go tell the others where they were all headed.
"Are you serious, Rarity?!" Applejack chastised. "Manhattan? Just to follow the Toy Mafia?"
"He gave me a funny look," Rarity objected.
"You know, come to think of it, the Toy Mafia has been sighted around Canterlot City for a while. Kind of strange when they usually operate in New York City."
"So, I guess this means we're heading off to New York, then?" Sunset asked.
"Well, when you put it that way, yes."
Twilight reached into her pocket for her phone, but instead grabbed a blue hairband that Coco gave her. Twilight smiled before putting it away and eventually ended up grabbing her phone. She called for a bus to take them to the downtown streets of New York.
Sometime later, the girls arrived at a bus stop and a bus eventually came by to pick them up. Once they were in their seats, the bus drove off towards New York and to an adventure that would be something unlike anything they've ever experienced in their own world.
Meanwhile, in one of the many apartments of New York, there was a six-foot tall Irish Wolfhound dressed in a bluish-gray trench coat, a striped blue-and-black tie and a bluish-gray fedora named Sam who shot his big gun at the wall. While it may sound strange, he was actually aiming at the apple on a white rabbit's head, who was balancing on a blue rubber ball. The rabbit's name was Max. He was Sam's best friend.
"Quit moving around so much, bobblehead," Sam said.
"When are we going to get another case, Sam?" Max asked. "Surely, the local lawbreakers must miss our esoteric brand of personalized criminal justice."
"Patience is a sharp razor to swallow, little buddy. Okay, don't scream this time."
Just as Sam was about to shoot, both he and Max heard their wireless rotary phone ring.
Max was about to answer the phone, when he noticed that it was missing. Sam then noticed a notepad on the table next to their eight track answering machine where the phone usually sat.
"Leave Swiss cheese by the rat hole or you'll never see your precious phone alive again," Sam read. "Jiminy Christmas Eve in a pad-locked sweatbox! Some misguided ballsy felon's napped our phone."
"Eerie. I just went cheese shopping. How did they know?"
Just then, the perpetrator, Jimmy Two-Teeth, a rat wearing a green plaid-patterned cabbie cap, walked out of his rat hole to reiterate that he specifically wanted Swiss cheese.
"Be sure it's Swiss cheese, right? And be quick about it!" he ordered in a Brooklynese accent.
He then walked into his hole in order to wait for the cheese.
"Ordinarily, I hate yielding to extortion," Sam said. "But I have to admit, I'm half charmed by the sheer spunk of that oily little perp. Where'd you put the cheese, Max?"
"Gosh, it was hours ago," Max admitted. "You know I have the memory of a dried trout."
"Sadly, yes, I do. Well, it's got to be somewhere in this room."
Both Sam and Max looked all around their office apartment for the cheese, but couldn't find it anywhere. Just then, Max looked out the window and saw something interesting.
"Hey, Sam, look!"
Sam walked over to the window and saw Rarity questioning someone that looked like a short person with blonde hair wearing a soda jerk outfit.
"Who is that?"
"I don't know, but it sure looks like she's doing our job for us. Want me to pulverize her?"
"Absolutely not. Something tells me that we may be needing her help at some point. Now, is there any place that we haven't checked for the cheese?"
"How about the closet?"
Sam walked up to the closet and opened the door and saw the cheese.
"Oh! There it is."
"Unfortunately, this is NOT Swiss cheese."
"So what?"
"So, the rat was very specific about wanting Swiss cheese in particular. We'll have to improvise."
Sam took out his gun and shot at cheese, putting holes into them.
"Take that, you law-breaking dairy product!"
"Sam, no! The cheese was innocent!"
"Innocent? I think not."
Sam put his gun away and grabbed slice of cheese.
"Voilà, Swiss cheese. Or close enough to fool the casual observer, anyway."
"Don't say violà."
Sam then put the cheese in front of the hole. Jimmy then came out and kicked it inside.
"Greetings. The members of the benevolent brotherhood of vermin would like to thank you for your offering," Jimmy said.
"The members of Sam and Max would like their phone back, now," Sam said.
"IF you don't mind," Max added.
"I regret to inform you that the situation has changed," Jimmy said nonchalantly.
Before he could make any additional demands, however, Max grabbed him and placed him on the desk with the television. Sam then flipped off the lights and started interrogating him.
"We met your demands, we got you the cheese. Any honorable rodent would hold up his end of the bargain and give back our phone," Sam said.
"Us rodents is not known for being particularly honorable."
"Come on, Jimmy. We'll go half easy on you if you'll just cough up the phone."
"Yeah, yeah. Never happen, pig!"
"Look, I want to help you, but my partner is a little unhinged. I'm afraid I may be unable to keep him from harming you in some colorfully gruesome fashion."
"LET ME AT 'IM, SAM!" Max yelled.
"I can take care of myself," Jimmy replied.
"Help me, help you, Jimmy," Sam said.
"What the heck is that supposed to mean?"
"I have no idea, but it always sounds good on TV."
"This is going nowhere, Sam. Let me talk to him," Max said.
"If you must, little buddy."
"Hey, Jimmy, I'm about ready to wring your scrawny, trash-eating neck."
"You think you're scary?" Jimmy threatened.
"You don't know where his hands have been," Sam said.
"Or when I last washed them," Max added.
"Who cares? I'm a rat, remember? Hey, dog-face! Your partner's giving me a headache!" Jimmy said.
"You mentioned a headache, would you like some aspirin?" Sam asked. "Oh, and while I'm at it, is there anything else I can do to make you feel comfortable? Are you thirsty, perhaps? Light's too bright?"
"Well, that's sporting of you. Now you mention it, I really don't like being up here so high. I got me a thing about heights. They make me nervous, you know?"
"Oh really?" Max asked sinisterly. "You don't like heights, eh? How'd you like it if I dangled your greasy hide out the window?"
"Hey, you wouldn't!"
But, of course, true to his word, Max did. Before doing so, however, Sam took the boxing glove form the sill and placed it into his cardboard box that was in his trench coat. While all of this was going on, Rarity was on the verge of giving up when she noticed Max dangling Jimmy out the window.
"OH, MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT RABBIT THINKING?!" Rarity gasped.
"I GIVE UP! TAKE YOUR PHONE AND LEMME GO!" Jimmy pleaded.
He then literally coughed up the phone which landed in Sam's hands.
"Ugh! That was absolutely revolting!"
"Aw, for the lova-a' -- I wish could unsee that," Sam said in disgust.
Just then, the phone rang and Sam answered it.
"Hello? Yes? Great gouts of steaming magma on a beeline for the orphanage! We're on our way!"
As soon as Sam hung up, Max dropped Jimmy out the window. Rarity covered her eyes, not wanting to see the carnage that would most likely come after he landed. Surprisingly, though, Jimmy survived his fall and ended up with minor injuries upon hitting the sidewalk.
"What the bloody hell?" she asked in bewilderment.
Before she could ask Jimmy any questions, he simply ran off into the alley.
Just then, Sam and Max walked out of their apartment right in front of Rarity.
"Oh, hello," Sam greeted politely.
Rarity, who would normally be shocked by seeing Sam, was actually quite calm about talking to him, since she already had experience with talking animals, as it was.
"Hello, darling," she said, shaking his hand. "My name is Rarity. What might yours be?"
"I'm Sam. He's Max. We're Freelance Police."
"Freelance Police? That's a first."
"Hey, Sam, what accent is she speaking in?" Max asked.
"This accent, little bunny, is from my former home of Liverpool, England. Sure you've heard of the Beatles?"
"Oh, we have," Sam said. "We still have that one tape stuck in the DeSoto."
"You mean that car that's parked along the side of the curb?"
"Yep. That's the one."
"I see. Well, as far as I'm concerned, I've run out of leads for something that's been going on in Canterlot City."
"Canterlot City? You mean that place that's become a magnet for magic-related shenanigans?" Max asked.
"Yes. How did you--?"
"We just got a visit from one of your friends from there," Sam said. "What was her name again, Max?"
"I don't know? Butterfly, or something?" Max guessed.
"That's Fluttershy , darling," Rarity corrected.
"Yeah, that's the one. She was acting all serious before heading off somewhere."
"Where, exactly?"
"We don't really know," Sam admitted. "When we asked her she just looked at us and said, classified ."
Rarity thought hard at the situation.
"Hmmmm... Well, another one of my friends should be here. You haven't seen her, have you? Pink skin, poofy pink hair?"
"Nope."
"Drat!"
"But we did receive an order form the commissioner to get over to Bosco's Inconvenience. It's that store over there with the gumball machine."
"Well, I guess that's a good place to start. And who knows? Maybe if I help you two out, I might end up solving my own town's mystery, as well."
"That sounds like a great idea!"
"That idea's crazy enough to work!" Max added.
"Well, then, what are we waiting for? Let's get going!" Rarity exclaimed.
Looks like Rarity found herself with the Freelance Police in an attempt to solve the mystery of the mysterious Toy Mafia person. Why hasn't she brought it up, yet? Well, let's just say that the time wasn't right. After all, she knew that she was bound to run into them eventually. And when that happened, then she would inform both Sam and Max about them.
Author's Note
For those who don't know, a cabbie cap is a flat, golf cap. Also, for those who have either played the original TellTale version or the remake will notice that Jimmy Two-Teeth talks like a gangster. The gangster accent is often modeled after Al Capone's Brooklyn dialect.
Whew! I want to give a special thanks to everyone who had go through that unbearable news about the semi-cancelation of the stories based on the Nintendo-exclusive games. I also want to give a special shoutout to all of my followers and collaborators on this series. I had to go back into the previous story, It's About Time and rewrite a few things before starting this up.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Bosco, Pinkie & the Soda Poppers
After deciding to join the Freelance Police to Bosco's Inconvenience, a corner store close to Sam and Max's office building, Rarity eventually noticed someone wearing the same outfit as the blonde person she was questioning earlier. He had black hair and was wearing glasses.
"Say there, unfashionably dressed street urchin...." Sam said.
"OH! You made me mess up!" the person groaned. "Now I have to start all over!"
"Yowzers! You are one ugly ki... HEY! I know you!" Max gasped.
"You do?" Rarity asked.
"Oh, that's right! He's one of the lovable scamps from that old TV show about the singing soda jerks," Sam said.
"It's called the SODA POPPERS!" the person corrected. "And the 70's are not that old."
"Specs! It's you!" Max exclaimed. "Wow, an actual celebrity vandalizing our neighborhood. This is great!"
Rarity facepalmed upon hearing Max say that. Of all the things he could say, it just had to be that.
"And I thought Pinkie was random," she mumbled.
Sam decided to strike up a conversation with Specs in order to figure out why he was painting graffiti out on the streets.
"Boy, you sure were a famous oddly underdeveloped teen celebrity at one time," he said.
"I'm STILL famous!" Specs retorted.
"Are you?" Max asked.
"Um, like a million-point-one times more famous than you!"
"Well, Max and I are really more known in the 18-to-34-year-old repeat-criminal demographic!" Sam said.
"And I happen to be one of the best fashion designers in all of Canterlot City," Rarity beamed.
"Canterlot City... All of the girls were going for me just wanting autographs when I was there," Specs sighed. "Especially a young prodigy by the name of Twilight something,"
"Sparkle, darling, and she just so happens to be my friend."
Specs didn't say anything after she said that.
"Well, that was awkward," Max said.
"Indeed," Sam added. "So, Specs, what are you up to these days? Any new projects?"
"Yes! I have new light in my life and his name is Brady Culture," Specs said enthusiastically. "He's the genius behind the Eye-Bo Ocular Fitness Program. You really should try one of his videos."
"Eye-Bo? That sounds awfully like that Tae Bo program that my friend, Rainbow Dash likes," Rarity said.
"They sound similar, but trust me. Eye-Bo is completely different."
"Eye-Bo sounds like an electronic archery toy," Sam said.
"Eye-Bo IS the truly ocular fitness program. Try the video today!"
"Where can I find a copy of the video?"
"They carry them over at Bosco's. You should get it!"
"Sounds fascinating. But enough about that."
"You can never get enough of Brady Culture's Eye-Bo."
"Yes, that's very lovely, darling. But I do believe we should be going," Rarity said nervously.
"What? Why?" Max asked.
"He's creeping me out," Rarity whispered.
"Well, it was nice talking to you, Specs," Sam said as they walked away from him.
Sam then noticed an extra can of spray paint on one of the newspaper boxes. It turned out that it still had some paint left in it. He picked it up and placed it into his cardboard box. As he was doing so, Rarity noticed something strange in the gumball machine.
"Uh, Sam, darling, what's with this gumball machine?" she asked.
"Looks like Bosco's got Boston baked beans in there this month."
"How do they stay fresh?" Max asked.
"They don't."
Rarity covered her mouth as she tried to resist vomiting.
"Oh, God! I think I'm gonna be sick!" she winced as she held her stomach.
"Come on, let's forget about that and go inside."
"Here, here."
Sam opened the door to Bosco's Inconvenience and walked inside with Max and Rarity following behind.
The three of them walked in and Rarity was amazed at how unique the store was.
"Have no fear, simple citizens, the Freelance Police are here to keep the peace," Sam said.
"Violently if possible," Max added.
The store's owner, Roscoe Bosco, was an African American man with receding black hair, resulting in him mostly being bald, and brown eyes. He wore a yellow shirt, which was the store uniform that had his nametag on it, which read, Bosco .
"I-I-It's just you two?!" he exclaimed nervously.
"Ex-CUSE ME!" Rarity bellowed. "It is NOT just them! I, Rarity, am with them, as well."
"Whatever. Wh-Wh-Wh-Where's the SWAT team? Where's the National Guard? Where's NASA?!"
"Hold on, Bosco. What's the problem?" Sam asked calmly.
"What's the problem? It's a terrorist! A munchkin terrorist! He'll be the death of us all! And that's not all! I've got this poofy pink-haired girl eating all of my purple stuff!"
"Is that it?" Max asked.
"For her, yes."
"Well, where is she?" Sam asked.
"She's right next to that Munchkin terrorist over there!"
Bosco pointed towards the coffee, slushie and condiment dispensers. Standing close to the dispensers was a short man with curly red hair, freckles and brown eyes. He wore the exact same uniform as Specs.
"Hey, it's another one of the Soda Poppers!" Max exclaimed.
"Isn't he the one with the... bladder control issue?" Sam asked.
"Yeah! Whizzer!"
"He's a former child star?" Bosco asked. "Oh, just lock him up and throw away the jail."
Rarity glanced over towards Whizzer and immediately recognized who it was that was guzzling the purple stuff. It was none other than her friend, Pinkie Pie.
"Please, stop," Whizzer begged.
Rarity marched over to Pinkie and immediately dragged her away from the purple stuff.
"Pinkie Pie, please! I think you've had quite enough of that stuff!" she barked.
Pinkie licked her lips to get the remaining purple stuff off.
"Hi, Rarity!" she exclaimed.
"And we wonder why you need therapy," Rarity groaned.
"Thanks for stopping her," Bosco said over his microphone.
"That's what friends do, dear."
"Aside from that little incident, what is Whizzer doing?" Sam asked.
"He's delivering videos I didn't even order!" Bosco said. "Brady Culture's Eye-Bo? What is that? Oh, it's something bad, I can tell you that."
"Videos..."
"And look at that display! It's subversive and hideous! I don't know any White guy with a 'fro like that."
The display in question was Brady Culture's face with his blonde afro hair.
"Any idea why a freakish relic of the 70's would unload videos in your store?"
"Think about it. No individual acting alone would ever deliver videos of his own volition. It makes no sense. I smell... a conspiracy."
"I think you're just catching the hot weenies in an updraft," Max chuckled.
Bosco sniffed the air.
"No. It's definitely a conspiracy."
"What sort of malevolent forces would conspire to burden you with unwanted video cassettes?" Sam asked.
"Oh, they've all got it in for me... The government, the media, the mafia, aliens, sentient computers, my mother, Niels Bohr, Switzerland, Hitler, head lice, lint, pastrami, hairspray, Tellt..."
"Stop right there!" Max ordered. "Hairspray had no part in this!"
"Oh, sure. That's what you'd LIKE to believe."
As the conversation went on, Rarity decided to talk with Whizzer herself.
"Mr. Whizzer, is it? My name is Rarity. I'm from Canterlot High and I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind," she said.
"Go ahead, but please, just call me Whizzer," he said.
"What exactly are you doing here?"
"Delivering videos. Take one they're free."
"You do realize that Mr. Bosco didn't order any of these, right?"
"The word must be spread. Eye-Bo is the path to enlightenment and ocular fitness."
"Indeed. Exactly who is this Brady Culture person? I've only heard the name from my parents."
"Brady Culture is a genius, and his Eye-Bo program is a boon to all mankind."
"I see..."
"And did you know he was the star of Culture's Clubhouse in 1970?"
"Yes, I did. My parents gave me the only video cassette that was mass-produced to the public."
"Neat. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got more videos to deliver."
And with that, Whizzer ran outside with the empty box like a streak of lightning. He then returned a few seconds later and dumped more video cassettes in the area where he was dumping them, then took a sip of soda.
"Hmm... something doesn't add up. He appears to be out of it, somehow. What is with these Eye-Bo videos, anyway? Sam? Max?"
"You got me," Sam said as he walked over to her. "We just finished talking with Bosco. We're lucky Whizzer isn't stealing anything, otherwise his automated defense system would've kicked in."
"You mean B-TADS?" Pinkie asked. "Yeah, I tried walking out with that slice of cheese earlier just to see what would happen, and I got conked on the head with a boxing glove."
"Yeouch!"
"Tell me about it."
Rarity walked over to the display rack and took one of the videos. She then read the description on the back of the box.
"Brady Culture's Eye-Bo, for ocular fitness. The revolutionary eye-sometric exercise. See through walls and clothing, roll your eyes at lightning speed, lose 5 pounds of eyeball fat."
"I hope that walls and clothing bit means it's more like seeing someone's bones and not their... you know..."
"I hope so too, Pinkie."
"Say, you three, why don't we see what this video is about back at our office?" Sam suggested.
"I'll bring the caramel-coated sugar logs," Max said.
The four of them walked out the store and went into Sam and Max's office. Once Sam flipped on the light switch, Rarity was amazed at how home-like the office seemed. There was even an old 1980s television set on top of a 1980s VCR player on Sam's desk.
"Sam, darling, does this TV still work?" Rarity asked.
"Sure does," Sam replied. "We just needed a make-do antenna in the form of that coat hanger that's on top of it."
Rarity turned the TV on and a commercial started playing.
"Life troubling your digestion? Reality blocking your passages? Expel your troubles with Emetics, the handbook for multi-colored happiness, and separate your bliss! "
"Emetics? That's weird," Pinkie said.
"Yes, I must say, this handbook sounds a bit too good to be true," Rarity agreed.
Just then, the TV cut to the Child Star Expose Network on channel 173. The channel started spitting out facts about the Soda Poppers and their behavior behind the scenes of shooting the hit television show. Some of these included Specs constantly demanding retakes to get his catchphrase right on camera, Whizzer having an accident with the shooting script, and the third one, the blonde kid that Rarity interviewed earlier, Peepers, having his missing dialogue dubbed over with chalkboard scratches.
Suddenly, a report on the forgotten child star, Brady Culture, came on.
"Few if any, remember the show that The Soda Poppers replaced. Culture's Clubhouse hailed as television for the sophisticated six-to-eight-year-old, fell victim to the Soda Popper juggernaut, and was quickly scrapped. Its young star, Brady Culture, struggled to find work and acceptance in the wake of the show's cancellation. Unable to find another role, Brady dabbled in every religion, creed, and belief system he could find. Buddhism, Judaism, Pointillism, Scientology, Horse-Matology, Nerfmatology, Prismatology, and even Stinkmatology. But what ultimately became of Brady Culture? No one knows ."
"Brady Culture's being lifted from obscurity by his former rivals?" Sam questioned.
"I think this qualifies as a baffling mystery, Sam," Max said.
"You may be right."
"Okay, seriously. Just put the tape in before I even try to think about what this Horse-Matology even is," Rarity cringed.
Sam put the Eye-Bo tape into the VCR and hit the play button.
"Sam, stop! We don't have any popcorn!" Max panicked.
"Sweet alligator dentures soaking in formaldehyde, that was close! Quick, before it starts, let's go see if we can get some," Sam said as he and Max walked out of the office.
As they did, a man with a blonde afro and teal eyes wearing a white open shirt and gold medallion appeared on the television. It was Brady Culture.
"Hello, I'm Brady Culture ," he said on the screen. "You may remember me from Culture's Clubhouse, the massive world-wide television hit that ran for six episodes in 1970 ."
As the tape played, Jimmy Two-Teeth walked out of his rat hole out of curiosity. Rarity was shocked to see that he had somehow made his way back inside.
"What the?! How did you get in here?!" she exclaimed.
"Details, sweetheart," he said. "Now be quiet. I wanna watch dis."
"What are about to see will change your life forever ," Brady said on the TV. "So watch closely ."
Suddenly, a beam of green light enveloped the room for a brief moment. The bright light made Pinkie dizzy for a moment before she shook her head and came back to her senses.
"Now, listen up you tasteless philistines! You love me, you adore me, you want to name all your children after me. "
"I love you, I adore you, I want to name all my children after you," Jimmy repeated in a robotic-like voice as green swirls formed in his eyes.
Sam and Max reentered the room without any popcorn, as they couldn't find any nearby.
"Sam, look!" Max said.
"Ocular fitness, my eye!" Sam exclaimed. "That videotape hypnotized Jimmy Two-Teeth!"
"I think I like him better this way."
"Hey, wait a minute. You two were in the room with him. Why aren't you hypnotized?"
"I suspect it has to be our geodes, Sam," Rarity guessed. "I believe our magic is protecting us from being susceptible to hypnotism."
"Well, that explains that. I think."
"Regardless, I believe the same thing must've happened to the Soda Poppers. When I was talking with Whizzer earlier, his voice didn't sound quite right. He sounded like he was forced to say the things he told me. And if that's the case, then we've got to find Mr. Culture and stop him from hypnotizing everyone into becoming his mindless minions!"
"Can I have his hair when we're done?" Max asked.
"Only if you keep it on a leash," Sam said.
Looks like this Brady Culture is bad news. How bad exactly? Well, Sam, Max, Rarity, and Pinkie were about to find out soon enough.
Author's Note
Whew! Sorry about the wait. I had a huge writer's block problem with this chapter, as well as a lot of personal things going on. But I'm back now! Thank you all so much for your patience.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Sybil Pandemik: Licensed Psychotherapist
Rarity paced the floor of the office as Sam picked up his bowling ball and one of Max's boxing gloves.
"It doesn't make any sense," she pondered. "Why would someone as talented as Brady Culture want to do something like this?"
"Well, we're not going to find out just by standing around here," Sam said.
"You're right. I suppose we should find out more about this Brady Culture from this Peepers person."
"Oh, before I forget, when we were at Bosco's earlier, he mentioned something about a tear gas grenade launcher that he invented. Unfortunately, it costs $10,000."
Rarity's eyes went wide.
"$10,000?! IS HE CRAZY?!"
"No, just paranoid. I mean, the store is called Bosco's Inconvenience , after all."
"Point taken. But still, that's more than most average people make in a year. How does he expect you to get that kind of money?!"
"Well..."
"By giving out one huge ticket," Max chimed in.
"I stand corrected. YOU'RE the crazy one," Rarity said.
"When is he not?" Sam said.
"You guys, I think I just saw Peepers go into Sybil's place!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go see if she has info on this Culture freak!" Rarity said.
The group exited the office and walked into Sybil's place. The room was dimly lit with a grey couch in the back. Above the couch was a sign that read, THIS IS WHERE YOUR PAST COMES TO DIE . Sam noticed that someone was banging the inside the closet door as Peepers, going under the guise of Sybil, greeted them. Rarity whispered something to Sam, who then nodded his head.
Sam spoke with Peepers as Rarity snuck up to the closet door. She took a hairpin out of her pocket and placed it inside the keyhole. After a while, she heard a click, which meant that the door was unlocked. She opened the door and saw an adult woman with black hair tied in a bun, a beauty mark above the right side of her mouth, a tattoo on her forearms resembling flames, and hazel-green eyes. She wore red cateye glasses, a maroon-colored outfit, and small silver hoop earrings. This was the REAL Sybil Pandemik.
"Rarity, it's you!" she exclaimed as Rarity put the hairpin away. "Thank God! I've been locked in that closet so long I was starting to invent life stories for the mothballs! I've got to sit down."
Sybil went over to her desk and sat down. As soon as she did, she was shocked to see that Peepers was still in the room.
"Oh, my God! He's still here?! Call a cop!"
"You're in luck, ma'am," Sam said as he finished his conversation with Peepers. "Sam and Max. We're Freelance Police."
"Sybil Pandemik, licensed psychotherapist, nice to know ya. ARREST THAT LUNATIC IMMEDIATELY!"'
"What's the charge?"
"ASSAULT! KIDNAPPING! IDENTITY THEFT!"
"Those are good charges."
"Some of my favorites! And what about mopery?" Max asked.
"He locked locked me in the closet and he's been pretending he's me!" Sybil snarled.
"He did?! But why?" Pinkie asked, getting up to her face.
Rarity pulled Pinkie away from Sybil, then she smiled sheepishly at her.
"I do apologize for Pinkie's behavior," she sighed.
"It's all right. With all the therapy I've gone through with her, I've come to expect it," Sybil said. "Anyways, cases like that of that lunatic over there can be very complicated and delicate. There may be repressed feelings of inadequate transference, or latent unwarranted hypochondriac freudianism."
"In English, please," Rarity groaned.
"Well, similar to your friend, he's a complete whack-job. Although, actually, now that I look closely, I think he's been hypnotized."
"How can you tell?" Sam asked. "He looks so normal and life-like."
"I'm a licensed psychotherapist. It takes a professional eye."
"Can we borrow your eye? We'll bring it back," Max said.
Rarity facepalmed in disbelief. She could not believe how random Max was.
"Are there steps we can take?" Sam asked. "Soothing music or perhaps some sort of invasive surgery?"
"Shock treatment! Shock treatment!"
"Typically a hypnotic state can be revised after rendering the subject susceptible to new input," Sybil said.
"Say what?" Rarity asked.
"You've got to knock them unconscious to bring them out of it."
"KNOCK 'EM UNCONSCIOUS! NOW YOU'RE TALKING!" Max yelled excitedly.
"I can demonstrate on this guy if you'll knock him out for me."
"Consider it done."
Max went up to Peepers with his boxing glove and attempted to knock him out, but Peepers immediately said his catchphrase.
"I can see you!"
Peepers then ran off and ran right back.
"Holy crap, he's fast!" Pinkie exclaimed.
Pinkie then went up to Sybil and decided to ask her something.
"Whatever happened to the tattoo business? You put a dumbbell on Bulk Bicep's bicep."
"The sweet, buff guy?" Sybil asked.
"Yep!"
"He was very nervous about it, but he loved his tattoo in the end. As for my tattoo business, though, there was a guy that came in who wanted a ship on his chest, and I misheard him, and... well... I decided to hang it up after that."
"Aw, bummer. You were a very popular tattoo artist."
"Thanks for the sympathy, Pinkie."
"You know, it's funny. You're right across the street from us and I don't think I've ever been in here before today," Sam said.
"Your friend has. He's always trying to con me into giving him some kind of weird tattoo for free."
"You can put a line on my head and some eyes on my butt and I'd look like I was upside-down!" Max said.
"For the last time: NO!"
Pinkie fell on the floor laughing at Max's request. There was just something funny about the way he described the kind of tattoo he wanted. In fact, she was laughing so hard that Rarity had to drag her out of the building with Sam and Max as they exited.
As soon as they got outside, Pinkie breathed heavily and wiped a tear from her eye that she got from laughing.
"Sorry. That was just too funny!" she said.
"Yes, yes. Ha, ha. Hilarious," Rarity mocked. "Can we focus on the task at hand, now?! We need to find some way to knock the Soda Poppers out so we can bring them out of their hypnotic state!"
"What about that tear gas grenade launcher? That sounds like it'd be good."
"Well, I suppose so."
As Rarity and Pinkie continued talking, neither of them noticed Sam and Max get into their DeSoto and drive off to catch a criminal to get the tear gas money. They were only gone for about three minutes before they returned. In fact, that's exactly how long Rarity and Pinkie's conversation lasted before being interrupted by Max.
"Hey, Rarity!" he exclaimed.
"What is it, Max?"
"Guess what we just got? $10,000!"
Sam held up a sack full of money that he received from a motorist during the time they were gone.
"H-H-H-H-H-How did you...?"
"We kind of had to improvise," Sam said.
"We busted someone's taillight after we rear-ended them," Max added.
"You.. Did... WHAT?!" Rarity gasped.
"Max accidentally chewed through the brake lines, so it was the only way we could slow down," Sam explained.
"And now I'm starting to question the morality of you two. At least we have money to buy Bosco's invention."
The group walked over to Bosco's and gave him the money for the tear gas grenade launcher.
"We got your tear gas money right here," Max said as Sam put the bag on the counter.
Thankful for their patronage, Bosco put the tear gas grenade launcher on the counter, which was revealed to be a salad shooter filled with onions.
"Now put that away before someone gets hurt!" Bosco instructed.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked as the B-TADS alarm went off.
After a few seconds, a boxing glove came down and conked Sam on the head.
"Oooww! That looked painful," Pinkie grimaced.
"The ten-thousand just covered the cost of materials, you know?" Bosco said.
"Oh, I'm sure," Max said.
Sam eventually got up and put the tear gas grenade launcher away.
"Are you all right?" Pinkie asked.
"Thankfully, yes," Sam said shakily.
"Hey, Sam, maybe we can use that grenade launcher against one of the Soda Poppers," Max said.
"You know, Max, I think you're right. Let's try it out on our friend, Peepers."
The group walked out of the store and made their way over Sybil's place.
Once they entered Sybil's, Sam decided to pull out the tear gas grenade launcher and aim it at Peepers.
"Oh, Sybil," Sam said in a singsong voice.
"Yes?" Sybil responded.
"Uh, the other Sybil."
"What is that?" Peepers asked.
"Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit."
Pinkie cringed as soon as an onion hit Peepers in the face. It was an experience she knew all too well. Onions can make one cry. While he was busy crying, Max decided that it was finally time to hit Peepers with his boxing glove.
"Sweet dreams, Peeps!" he exclaimed as he hit Peepers.
"I can see you..." Peepers said groggily before passing out.
Unbeknownst to them, a certain someone was watching them from a television monitor.
"Oh my, that was great, that was great," the individual chuckled. "I mean, wait. My evil plan is being threatened. Good thing I have the other two twerps to handle it. Mwahahaha. Hmm, still not right. Mwahahaha...?"
They didn't know it then, but things were about to get a lot stranger than anything they've ever come across before.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Finding the Home for Former Child Stars
"Nice work, you guys," Sybil said. "Now, I can try to bring him out of his hypnotic state. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MIND!"
"I don't think he can hear you," Sam said.
"Sure he can, I use the same trick with Pinkie all the time. He's UNCONSCIOUS, not dead."
"Minor detail," Max said.
"DESTROY THE INTRUDER IN YOUR DREAMS! REGAIN CONTROL!"
Peepers suddenly snapped out of his hypnotic state and wondered where he was. When Sybil referred to him with her name, Peepers immediately stated that his name was, indeed, Peepers.
"Are you okay? How do you feel?"
"I've got a bit of a headache," Peepers groaned. "I had the weirdest dream."
"And there was someone unusual in your dream, wasn't there?"
"Yes, Brady Culture was there! He kept telling me to do stuff."
"I knew it!"
"That fiend hypnotized you to do his unspeakable bidding," Sam said.
"Peepers, what's the last thing you can remember?"
"I remember checking in at Brady Culture's Home for Former Child Stars ."
"He has his own nuthouse? Wow, we gotta meet this guy!" Max said.
"Where can we find this home for former child stars?" Sam asked.
"Oh, it's very secret," Peepers said. "No one must ever find it. Think of the scandal!"
"LISTEN YOU HIGH-PITCHED, BIG-EYED BAT-MITE, WE NEED TO STOP THIS LUNATIC BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE!" Pinkie shouted.
"I want to help, but I just... can't remember where it is..."
Rarity pulled Pinkie away from Peepers, since her face was very close to his.
"You... are impossible," she snarled.
"But my brothers might know where it is! They went with me! Hey, um... I didn't do anything really embarrassing did I?"
"Nothing a simple exorcism can't fix," Max joked.
"MAX! HONESTLY!" Rarity barked.
Scared for his life, Peepers dashed out of the office as fast as he could.
"Jesus Christ! You are so insensitive!"
"I am?" Max asked.
"Come on, let's see if we can't lure Specs away from his painting ," Rarity said in air quotes.
The group walked out of Sybil's place and went over to the graffiti outside the office.
Pinkie instantly knew what to do with it.
"Hey, Sam, could you hand me that can of spray paint?" she asked.
Sam handed it over to her and she shook the can. She then painted scribble hair and a clown face on Brady's face.
"I dub thee... Brady Clownture."
Suddenly, Specs came running over to the graffiti after seeing what had happened.
"Hey, hey, hey! You messed it up! Aw, now I've got to fix it, brain freeze!" he groaned.
"Good thinking, Pinkie. That oughta distract him for a while," Sam said. "Now all that's left is to knock him unconscious. And I know just how we can do it."
Sam opened the door to the office and he walked in with the others following close behind.
As soon as they entered the office, Sam and Max went up to the window with Sam's bowling ball.
"You're not seriously going to drop a bowling ball on his head are you?" Rarity asked.
"What does it look like?" Max retorted.
"Ooohh... I can't watch."
Rarity covered her eyes, not wanting to see Specs get killed. Max slapped the bowling ball out the window, which hit Specs on the head.
"You made me mess up," he said groggily before passing out on the sidewalk.
Meanwhile, the individual watched Specs get knocked unconscious and seemed to enjoy it.
"Now this is quality television!" they cackled. "Except, hold on! My evil plan is in jeopardy! Who dares oppose me? Hey, that was pretty good. Mwahahaha. Better. Better."
Back at the office, Rarity still had her eyes covered.
"Is he dead?" she shivered.
"No. Just unconscious," Max said.
"Thank God. I was scared to death!"
Everyone walked out of the office and went over to Specs to try to snap him out of his hypnotic state.
Pinkie decided to try it for herself.
"Take control of your mind! Destroy the intruder in your dreams!" she said while waving her hands.
"Snap out of it, you big baby!" Max said finally.
Specs got up and came to his senses.
"Wh--What's going on? Why is my outfit all wrinkled?" he asked.
"It worked! Pinkie Pie, you did it!" Rarity exclaimed.
"Eh, it's a gift," she blushed.
"Now, Specs, can you please tell us where we can find Brady Culture's Home for Former Child Stars ?"
"The home? It's at 227... something..." he said. "Whizzer would remember the street, he always does the driving."
"Can you take us there?" Sam asked.
"Are you kidding?! I've got hours upon hours of ironing to do!"
And with that, he ran off.
"Well, that was helpful," Max said sarcastically.
"Well, at least we got the address number. Now, all we need is the street it's on," Rarity said, revealing that she wrote the information down on a notepad.
She put the notepad away and headed towards Bosco's store.
Everyone entered Bosco's store and decided to ask Whizzer the information that they needed.
Max tried hitting him with his boxing glove, but Whizzer was just too fast for him.
"Max, dear, I don't think your boxing glove is going to help us this time," Rarity admitted. "I believe that we need to use a more practical method."
"Like what?" Max asked.
"Pinkie, hand me that slice of cheese, would you, please?"
Pinkie handed Rarity the slice of cheese as she was told to. Rarity then whispered something to Max.
"Ooohh, fun!"
Max entered the restroom near the condiments and went to the bathroom.
"At least it's nothing like the time when we were at Snucky's and Max had to go every time we stopped at one," Sam said.
"Why is that?" Rarity asked.
"I don't know, but when I finally intercepted him on the way out, he didn't have to go again."
"Well, that's a relief."
As soon as Max exited the restroom, Whizzer quickly went inside.
"Looks like you opened his floodgates," Sam said to Max.
"I hope he enjoys it as much as I did," Max said.
Rarity then put the slice of cheese inside Whizzer's crate and smiled cunningly.
"This oughta knock him out," she said.
Whizzer finally exited the restroom and picked up his crate to get more videos. Just before he could run out the door, the B-TADS alarm went off and the boxing glove knocked him on the head.
"Time out for #1..." he said groggily before collapsing on the floor.
"We're saved!" Bosco exclaimed excitedly.
"Yes! We did it! He's out!" Pinkie shouted while jumping up and down.
Just then, Whizzer peed himself and got the entire floor wet.
Meanwhile, the same individual watched as Whizzer was knocked out.
"Oh, he wet is wittle pants," they mocked. "Classic, just classic. Wait a second... My evil plan is in ruins! THOSE MEDDLERS WILL RUE THE DAY THEY CROSSED ME. RUE THE DAY, I SAY! MWAHAHAHA!"
Back at Bosco's, Pinkie eventually snapped Whizzer out of his hypnotic state. He eventually got up and wondered what was going on.
"Don't worry, we're Freelance Police," Sam explained.
"POLICE?! OH, NO!" Whizzer panicked.
He ran outside and started up the delivery truck.
"He's getting away in that truck!" Bosco exclaimed.
"DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!" Pinkie shouted.
"Quick, to the DeSoto!" Rarity ordered.
Everyone got into Sam and Max's DeSoto and drove after Whizzer.
"He's getting away! After him, Samuel!" Rarity exclaimed.
"I'm going as fast as I can!" Sam said.
Just then, Pinkie noticed a bunch of empty boxes headed their way.
"INCOMING!" she exclaimed.
Sam dodged the boxes as they chased after Whizzer. The chase lasted up until night started falling. When they were close enough, Sam decided to get his gun out.
"Take the wheel, little buddy," he told Max.
"With pleasure," Max said.
Sam then fired a bullet at the left rear tire, stopping the vehicle. He then stopped the Desoto and confronted Whizzer out in the street.
"Don't shoot!" Whizzer panicked.
"Darling, please, why would you think they'd shoot you?" Rarity asked calmly.
"It's just... you always see cops on the news beating up some guy just because he's a former child star."
"We would never dream of hurting former child stars!" Sam said. "We just need to find the home where Brady Culture keeps them."
"Oh! Why didn't you say so? It's right over there, across the street!"
"Jumping elephant fleas!"
"How devilishly convenient!"
"Thanks."
The group walked off towards the home, which turned out to be an old, abandoned theatre. What they were about to discover inside that building would be something beyond their own comprehension.
Author's Note
It's random what Sam paints on the Brady Culture graffiti in order to get Specs under the office window. In the playthrough I watched online, he painted cat ears with rosy red cheeks and a Minnie Mouse bow. In my playthrough, he drew scribble hair and a clown face.
Also, this is the order I usually go in whenever I knock out the Soda Poppers. In order to get the dialogue without going into Steam, however, I had to watch the Let's Play of the original Telltale version by the YouTuber, Suraht.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Rarity tried to open the gate, but discovered that it was locked.
"Rats! There has to be a way to open it. There always is," she said.
"Hey, look at this!" Pinkie said, pointing at the marquee. "It says, Now treating Artificial Personality Disorder."
"Sounds tasty. What's in it?" Max asked.
"Sam, there's an admission form right here on the side of the ticket booth!" Rarity said. "The symptoms include obsession with fame, violent reactions to hair styling, and an unconscious desire to marry one's mother."
"Forsooth!"
"You don't even know what that means, do you?" Sam asked.
"No, but it sounds all classically literate."
Rarity took one of the forms and gave it to Sam.
"I hate to say this, but we're going to have to fake this thing if we want in," she said.
"And the only person who can tell if we MIGHT have it is Sybil," Pinkie added.
"Well, guess we know what that means: we go back to the office," Sam said.
The four of them hopped into the DeSoto and drove back towards the office.
Once they arrived, they all got out of the car and headed inside Sybil's place.
"We're here, Dr. Pandemik!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"You're late for your appointment AGAIN, Pinkie," Sybil groaned.
"Sorry, I was just helping my friends try to catch a maniac."
"Whatever. Let's just put that behind us and get on with it."
"Not yet, doc. There's something else you might be able to help us with, first."
Sam laid the admission form on her desk and explained the symptoms of Artificial Personality Disorder to her.
"Hey, I know! I could psychoanalyze you!" Sybil said to Sam.
"Will this be painful?" Sam asked.
"Physically, no. Mentally, yes, but only if we do it right. Now, there are a couple of things we can try. We could take a look at some ink blots, we could try some free association, I could interpret your dreams for you..."
"Let's go with ink blots. How do they work?"
"And can we make them ourselves?" Max asked.
"It's easy -- I just show you some pictures, and you tell me what you say," Sybil explained. "Your responses can reveal things like obsessions, or... obsessions."
She reached inside her desk and grabbed a piece of paper with two symmetrical inkblots on it.
"Take a look at this and tell me what you see."
"Susan Lucci holding an Emmy," Sam responded.
"I see."
She took the paper away and replaced it with a different one, also with ink blots on it.
"Now, how about this one?"
"Pigeons on the marquee at Grauman's Chinese Theatre."
She removed the paper and replaced it with yet another ink blot test.
"And this?"
"An autograph written in Braille."
"Interesting."
She took the paper away and replaced it with a fourth one.
"Now this one. What do you see?"
"A cheering crowd of lanky albinos."
Yet again, Sybil took the paper away and replaced it with another ink blot test.
"And this one?"
"That blotchy thing a flashbulb does to your eyes."
Sybil took the card away and put it back into her desk.
"Is that all, darling?" Rarity asked.
"Yes. I always show my patients those five cards and that's it," Sybil responded. "And Sam's choices indicate and obsession with fame. That's one of the indicators of Artificial Personality Disorder. I better make a note on his chart."
Sybil checked the checkbox and made a note of Sam's fame obsession on the form.
"We should test you for the other symptoms of APD."
"Whatever you say, sawbones!" Sam joked.
"I'm not a sawbones, I'm a psychotherapist."
"Tomato, to-mah-to. Hey, I'm getting hungry," Max said.
"Do you ever shut up?!" Rarity snarled.
"No, not really."
"Quiet, knucklehead!" Sam said. "So, Sybil, what's free association like?"
"It's a test of your reactions to things in your life," she explained. "I say a word, and then you just say or do the first thing that comes into your head."
"Dance a samba, recite the alphabet, scream at the top of my lungs, that sort of thing?"
"Hmm. Interesting..."
"Have we started already?"
"No, but now we will. Ready?"
"Is that the word?"
"No, the word is tumbleweed ."
"Promenade."
"Interesting. Now, try this one. Crown . Just do or say whatever comes naturally."
"Eucalyptus."
"I see... Comb ."
Upon hearing that word, Sam got out his gun and made it looked like he was going to shoot Sybil.
"WHOA! DON'T SHOOT! VIOLENT REACTION! VIOLENT REACTION!"
"You should see him at Thanksgiving," Max chuckled.
"Hmm. Violent reaction to the word. Very interesting."
As soon as Sam put his weapon away, the free association test ended and Sybil marked the symptom on the form.
"Am I deranged?" Sam asked.
"I don't want to alarm you, but probably."
"Can I have your hat when they commit you?" Max asked.
"Sure, little buddy," Sam said with a smile. "So, Sybil, can you really learn anything from my grotesque, nonsensical dreams?"
"Oh, absolutely!" she exclaimed. "They reveal your subconscious -- it's like peeling an onion."
"Yowtch!"
"Now, just relax and try to remember your dream."
"Okay, here goes. Well, you see, my dreams always start in the office, but this time things were different."
"Mmmm. Yes. I can picture it. Tell me what happened."
"I remembered that I'd just gotten something from the bakery."
"For a celebration, perhaps? What did you get?"
"It was a wedding cake, ripe for the toppling."
"Oh, is somebody getting married, hmm?"
"I also realized that there was someone in the room with me."
"Oh, who was your special guest?"
"It was you, Sybil."
"Well, clearly, I represent your mother. Wait a second... wedding cake... your mother... you subconsciously want to marry your own mother!"
"Well, this is a blow."
"This is a definite symptom of Artificial Personality Disorder."
"Yes! I mean, I hope it's not serious."
"I better mark this on your chart."
And that's exactly what she did.
"Wow! It must be Artificial Personality Disorder! You've got all the signs! I bet I can get a paper out of this!"
"Best ship me off to some sort of home for former child stars, then."
"I've signed this admissions form, but you'll have to arrange your own transportation," she said, handing the form back to Sam. "Once I finish with Pinkie's appointment, I'm going to be really busy publishing the details of your case."
"Since you're crazy, can I drive?" Max asked.
"Jumping vehicular homicide, NO!" Sam panicked.
"Really, Max! With how unhinged you are, I wouldn't trust you to drive a golf cart!" Rarity said.
And with that, Sam, Max and Rarity walked out of Sybil's office, while Pinkie stayed behind.
"Now, are you ready?" Sybil asked as Pinkie sat down on the couch.
"Uh-huh."
"What do you want to try this time?"
"Dream interpretation. I've been having these crazy dreams lately."
"What kind of dreams?"
"I'm not sure. I'm in some weird medieval-like area with my friends, only we're not human. We look like... pony-human hybrids."
"Interesting..."
"And that's not the craziest part. Twilight's dog, Spike, isn't even a dog in my dream. He's a young dragon. And he's with this other dragon that has a firefly companion."
Sybil wrote down everything Pinkie said as she recalled her dream to her.
"Was there more to your dream?"
"Yeah. And this is the scary part. There was this scary-looking man wearing a blue robe. He had a scary-looking mask on and was carrying a sword that seemed otherworldly. He ran right towards us with the intent to kill."
"And then...?"
"And then I woke up."
"Hmm... this might be more than just a simple nightmare, Pinkie."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, this may sound a bit irrational in the scientific sense, but I believe that this could be classified as a vision. Your brain is predicting something that's bound to happen sooner or later."
"What am I going to do? I-I-I-I-I don't want to worry my friends. I... I..."
Suddenly, they heard the sound of a car screeching to a stop outside. Pinkie jumped up and immediately ran outside.
"Hey, wait! We're not done!" Sybil exclaimed.
"Sorry, doc. I have a feeling that something's wrong," Pinkie explained.
And she was right. Sam entered Bosco's Inconvenience with the same crate that Whizzer was carrying earlier that day.
"What? What's happening?" Sam asked, unaware at what was going on.
As soon as he said that, a chill went up Pinkie's spine and she immediately start to shake violently. Her Pinkie Sense was going crazy. After about two minutes of that, Pinkie stopped shaking and breathed heavily from that experience.
"He's hypnotized!" she exclaimed.
Yes, it was true. Sam had been hypnotized. Despite that, he still had partial control over his actions. He knew had to de-hypnotize himself somehow. So, on his way out of the store, he grabbed the slice of cheese and placed in the crate. As soon as he got near the sensors, the alarm went off and a boxing gloves hit him on the head, knocking him out cold.
"I love that part," Bosco said with a smile.
Pinkie quickly ran inside and saw Sam unconscious on the floor.
"You can do it, Sam! Remember what Sybil told you. Destroy the intruder in your dreams!"
After a good while, Sam came to and was back to his normal self.
"Sam, are you all right? What happened?"
"I was merely the victim of your garden-variety video delivery hypnosis scheme."
"I know that! But what happened BEFORE you were hypnotized!"
"Before...? Well, while you were talking with Sybil, Max, Rarity, and I went to Brady Culture's home. The place was surprisingly empty. Then, Brady Culture himself showed up. Apparently he wants to mass-hypnotize everyone into being his fans for eternity. All because he hates the Soda Poppers for stealing his spotlight. Wait a minute! I just remembered! Right when he hypnotized me, Brady Culture kidnapped Rarity and my little buddy!"
"Then we've got a find a way to get 'em back! Lucky for me, my geode protects me from being hypnotized. But I think we're going to need some backup. And a device to keep you from getting hypnotized again."
As soon as she finished talking, the sound of someone snoring was heard behind the counter.
"Hey! Wake up!" Bosco said as he kicked someone.
"Ow!" a familiar voice exclaimed.
Just then, from behind the counter, emerged Pinkie's friend, Rainbow Dash.
"I can't believe I have to work the night shift this week just because my dad's friends with you," she yawned.
"Look, it's my store, all right? I make the rules. And I am your boss. So, try to stay awake for at least half an hour before I relieve you."
"Whatever. It's not like any of my friends are going to..."
Rainbow stopped mid-sentence upon seeing Pinkie's smiling face.
"Pinkie Pie?"
Pinkie ran up to Rainbow Dash and gave her a big hug.
"What are you doing here?"
"I was at my appointment with Sybil Pandemik earlier when I heard the sound of a DeSoto outside."
"You mean that old car that's parked by that one building down the way?"
"Yep! That's Sam's vehicle."
"Who's Sam?"
"I'm Sam," Sam responded.
"Whoa! A giant talking dog! That is so... so... awesome!"
Well, while they continued talking, Rarity, on the other hand, wasn't having the best of luck as she was being tied up to one side of the organ that Brady Culture had out. She was even gagged, as well. Max was tied up on the other side of the organ, as well.
"I don't know how you managed to not get hypnotized..." he started.
"Oh, that's easy for me. I'm too chaotic and unpredictable," Max responded.
"That still doesn't explain why it doesn't affect her!"
Rarity just gave Brady the hairy eyeball, showing that she was disgusted at him. Brady then noticed the geode on her necklace. He tried to take it, but ended up getting shocked with electricity by the geode itself.
"Ha, ha! Sucker!" Max laughed.
"You bitch! If I can't remove whatever it is you have around your neck, then I'll just have keep you hostage for all eternity!"
Rarity was now worried. She wondered if she would ever be able to see her friends or her sister, Sweetie Belle, ever again. Suddenly, the sound of a car screeching was heard outside the theatre. Before Brady could do anything, Sam, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash all walked inside. Rarity was shocked to see everyone together in an attempt to rescue her and Max.
"Hand over the hostages, Culture!" Sam demanded.
"THAT'S Brady Culture?!" Rainbow asked. "He looks like a washed-up has-been that's never seen the inside of hair salon!"
"Oh, he wouldn't be the first," Max said.
"The rabbit talked!"
"Name's Max. Nice to know you."
"Don't worry. He's a little crazy, but I assure you he's on our side," Pinkie said.
"Whatever you say, Pinkie. Let's just take this jerk down!"
"What's this, a rerun? Didn't we just see the dog-getting-hypnotized episode?" Brady groaned. "Well, if you really want to watch it again..."
Brady put on a pair of hypnosis goggles and fired a beam at Sam and the others. Thankfully for the group, they didn't work on them.
"Wha-?"
"Another triumph for skanky ingenuity and ordinary kitchenware. Give up, Culture! Your goose is cooked!" Sam exclaimed.
Suddenly, all three of the Soda Poppers joined in with the others and decided to help take down Brady Culture. Unfortunately, they weren't so lucky when it came to the hypnosis goggles, as they were hypnotized once again.
"Attack the dog!" Brady ordered.
Sam and the others leapt out of the way and realized that the only way to get to Brady Culture was to somehow trick the Soda Poppers into attacking Brady Culture. That was easier said than done, however, as every command they threw at them, Brady reinstated his original one of attacking them.
"This is getting us nowhere!" Rainbow worked as Pinkie thought hard.
"Wait! I've got it!" she exclaimed. "Worship... me!"
The Soda Poppers then started worshipping her as if she was some kind of deity. This made Brady jump up and down like a little kid throwing a tantrum.
"No! Me! Me! Worship me! You're my minions, mine!" Brady whined.
The Soda Poppers did as they were told and started worshipping him.
Pinkie wasn't finished. She still had one last trick up her sleeve.
"Attack... me!"
"No, me! Attack me! Me, me, me!"
Unfortunately, he realized his mistake a bit too late and the Soda Poppers immediately attacked him, ending his reign of terror. Rainbow Dash ran up to Rarity and freed her from the organ, as well as removing the gag from her mouth.
"Thank goodness you're here, Rainbow Dash. I was worried I'd never get out of here," Rarity said.
"Don't mention it," Rainbow replied.
Rarity leapt down from the stage and crushed the hypno-goggles that Brady Culture was wearing with her heel. As she did, Max de-hypnotized the Soda Poppers by knocking them out with his boxing glove.
"Another boot to the pasty ass of crime," Sam beamed. "Thank goodness this whole hypnotic mind control thing didn't go any further-- that could've been really annoying!"
Little did Sam realize that those words were about to bite him in the butt, because as the group was leaving the theatre, a television broadcast of a talk show called Myra! was on television. A guest on the show immediately got hypnotized by something that was out of the camera's focus. They didn't know it then, but instead of being done, the hypnosis scheme was just beginning.
Author's Note
These are the symptoms I got when I replayed the episode just recently. Yours, if you either have the original or the remaster, might differ from mine.
Also, for those who don't know, the inkblot test in the game has an official name: The Rorschach Test .
Finally, the scene where Brady gets shocked from Rarity's geode is a homage to the Wizard of Oz (1939) . It's the scene where the Wicked Witch of the West tries to remove the ruby slippers from Dorothy in her castle. She ended up getting shocked from the slippers, due to Dorothy still being alive.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
The Skinbodies & Midtown Cowboys
The case surrounding Brady Culture had been solved, but it still didn't answer the main question that Rarity kept asking herself. Why was Teddy Bear Mafia operating in Canterlot City? She wanted to answer it so badly, yet she knew that it wasn't the right time to be asking about them, yet. Besides, she was more interested in the showdown that Sam and Max were about to have over who would answer the phone.
"How long has this been going on for?" Rainbow yawned.
"Ten minutes," Rarity replied.
"Come on! Hurry up and ring already!" Rainbow groaned.
As if on cue, the phone rang and Sam launched an onion into Max's face via Bosco's tear gas grenade launcher. The onion irritated his eyes, causing him to cry as Sam answered the phone.
"Sweet mother of double jeopardy backstroking in butterscotch! We're on our way!" Sam exclaimed before hanging up.
"Who was it? The girl scouts' lawyers again?" Max asked.
"That was the commissioner. You'll never guess which unduly famous TV personality made the most wanted criminals list this week."
"Ooohh! Ooohh! Ooohh! I think I know!" Pinkie exclaimed, raising her hand. "Is it Laura Ingraham? Or maybe Tom Bergeron? No, no, no, wait! RYAN SEACREST?!"
"Close: Myra Stump, the darling hawk of daytime talk."
"Myra? As in America's Mom ? The woman who told Tom Hanks to get a haircut? Surely you jest," Max said.
"She's holding her audience hostage and giving them valuable gifts against their collective will!"
"That's just wrong! No one should be forced to get gifts every single day! That defeats the entire purpose of getting gifts!" Rainbow said.
"We've got to drive over to the station right away, or at our earliest convenience!"
"Great! I've been itching to bust some skulls since they cancelled My So-Called Life ," Max said.
While they were talking, Rarity noticed a boy about her age outside. His lower lip looked like it had been stretched completely over his head.
"Hello, sir! Are you feeling all right?" Rarity called.
"Mind your own business!" the young man called back.
"RUFFIAN!"
"JERK!"
Rainbow then opened the closet and saw Brady Culture's hair inside.
"The way you shaved it off his head was kind of disturbing," she cringed.
"I can still remember the screams. It was like being in an actual horror film," Rarity added.
Rainbow closed the closet, not wanting to talk about it any longer.
"Come on, let's just go."
Everyone exited the office and headed straight for Bosco's. Upon entering, they saw Bosco wearing a bowler hat, a monocle, and a fake white mustache.
"What, ho! Samuel, Maximillian, Pamela-Pinkamena, Riley, and dearest Rachel!" he exclaimed in a British accent.
"What the--?" Sam exclaimed.
"How do you know my real name?" Rarity sputtered.
"Psst! It's me, Bosco!" Bosco whispered.
"That still doesn't explain how you of all people know that my real name is Rachel!"
"It was a lucky guess. I just assumed it was Rachel, since it made sense, given that you go by Rarity."
"Fair enough, but what's with the disguise? And who are you supposed to be, exactly?"
"I am Lord Reginald Rumplebottom, Earl of Dukedom, The Third. And as for the disguise, everybody's got in for me. So, I had to wear this disguise to throw them off the trail. They'll never find me, now."
"They wouldn't even know where to begin to look," Sam said.
"Clever clogs."
"What sick forces of evil are bedeviling you this time?"
"It's the Skinbodies, man. They're after me!"
"Skinbodies? Sounds like a pack of belligerent nudists," Max said.
"Oh, no. The Skinbodies are like those horrible, hairless cats but ten times worse!"
"Just what are the Skinbodies doing?" Rarity asked.
"They're stealing my... I mean, pinching my shaving cream!"
"Stealing your shaving cream? That's odd. Why would they do that?"
"So they can shave their bodies, of course. They're literal rats that shave their bodies."
"That is absolutely disgusting!"
"You don't even know the half of it."
"Yeah, yeah. We get it, Bosco," Rainbow groaned as she rolled her eyes. "So, do you have anything new for us? Aside from the can of shaving cream?"
"Well, I have a most peculiar device behind the counter..."
"What peculiar device are so eager to pawn off on us this time?" Sam asked.
"It's the latest in Bosco-Tech innovation. A delightful invention I like to call a chemical-based voice modulator."
"You mean you made a device that alters the pitch of your own voice?" Pinkie asked.
"Precisely."
"Okay, Bosco, we'll bite. How much?" Rainbow asked.
"That will be thirty shillings."
"Bosco, darling, Britain doesn't use shillings, anymore," Rarity explained. "They officially stopped using them in the early 1990's. So, at the expense of possibly sounding rude, how much is that in US dollars?"
"One million American dollars."
"A million bucks?! No way are we giving out that many tickets!" Max groaned.
"I think we'll have to find an entirely new revenue stream if we want that voice modulator," Sam said.
"Worth every shilling. Trust me, trust me," Bosco chuckled.
"Er... thank you, Bosco," Rarity said nervously. "We'll just take the shaving cream that you have lying on the table there."
Just as she was about to grab it, Jimmy Two-Teeth, who had all but his head shaven of his fur, leapt on to the table.
"Paws off, bitch! Mare! Bitchmare! The Skinbodies rule the streets!" he announced as he stole the shaving cream.
He then got inside a yellow RC car and drove off as another rat fired a tiny pocket pistol from the back.
"The nerve of that ruffian!"
"Blast! Bugger! Blimey! Bollocks! The little blighter did it again!" Bosco exclaimed. "After him! I mean, tally ho!"
Sam and Max just glanced at each other in confusion, not knowing what that meant. Rarity shook her head in disgust.
"Come on, you imbeciles, let's go!" Rarity exclaimed as she dragged them out of the store.
Upon exiting the store, the group made their way to the DeSoto. Upon reaching it, Max leapt out of the way of the RC car that Jimmy was driving.
"The Skinbodies can't be stopped!" he laughed.
"You little--!" Rainbow growled.
"Quick, after those rats!" Sam exclaimed.
Everyone hopped into the DeSoto and gave chase to Jimmy and the other Skinbody.
They eventually caught up to them and decided to find a way to stop them. When reasoning with them didn't work, Sam decided to take out his gun in an attempt to stop them. Every time he fired, however, Jimmy veered out of the way of the shot.
"Shoot 'em, Sam!" Max said.
"I'm trying, but they have good reflexes!" Sam replied.
Rainbow then noticed that Max was about to drive over a manhole and panicked. She took control of the wheel, causing Sam to fire at the RC car again. As soon as he did, Jimmy ran into a roadblock, causing the car to fall into the manhole. Thankfully, Max swiped the can of shaving cream before it could fall in with them once they hit the bottom. Sam then drove the DeSoto back to the office with the can of shaving cream in tow.
As soon as they got back to their street, Rarity slowly got out of the car, visibly shaken from the experience.
"Where did you learn how to drive?!" Rainbow shouted at Max.
"I didn't," Max said.
Once Rarity collected herself, she suggested that they go to Sybil's place, since she heard that she was going into a new profession.
Everyone entered Sybil's office and saw that it was filled to the brim with publishing and alien-like stuff. Pinkie then saw that the Newton balls weren't moving, so she decided to play with it. As soon as they started moving again, Sybil got upset.
"Pinkie! Don't play with that! It drives people crazy!" she scolded.
"Like who?" Pinkie asked.
"Me!"
"Aw, you're no fun!"
"Look, as much as I don't like it when people play with that, I have to say, I'm very happy to see all of you!"
"Why's that, darling?" Rarity asked.
"Well, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I don't suppose you have any candid photos of little green men feeling frisky, do you?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"It's my new career! I'm a tabloid publisher specializing in the thoughtful analysis of groundbreaking news of interest to myself and others like me."
"What's it called?" Sam asked.
"The Alien Love Triangle Times!"
"You're a publisher, now?!" Pinkie gasped. "But... I didn't get any notification about my appointment getting canceled."
"Oh, that. Sorry. Must've slipped my mind."
"Wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened," Rarity groaned as she folded her arms.
"So, about this photo..." Rainbow said, changing the subject. "What exactly are you looking for?"
"Well, my new tabloid, the Alien Love Triangle Times, needs a cover photo of an extraterrestrial biological entity -- or alien, as the unwashed masses calls them, caught getting cozy with some of the locals."
"Geez, Sybil, you're starting to sound like Twilight."
Rarity immediately jabbed her friend in the stomach.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"Hold your tongue!" she growled.
"So, you're looking for a cover photo of little green men canoodling, right?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, though I'm kind of desperate at this point," Sybil sighed. "Basically, I can use anything as long as there are three beings in the shot and at least one of them's an alien. It IS the Alien Love Triangle Times , after all."
"Got it."
"Quick question, Sybil, have you learned anything since you started this tabloid?" Rarity asked.
"I learned why Elvis had such an otherworldly voice," Sybil replied.
"Elvis was not an alien! He was just naturally talented! I can't believe someone like you would say such a thing!"
"Sure he was. He just wore makeup to cover his emerald green skin."
"Frankly, Sybil, this project is disturbing, as well as distressingly intimate," Sam said.
"Like seeing Stephen King getting a hot butter massage!" Max added.
"Oh, you saw last week's issue!" Sybil said proudly.
"So, who else is an alien?" Pinkie asked.
"Dr. Phil."
"Well, that goes without saying," Sam said.
"Okay, this is getting too weird. I'm out of here!" Rainbow said as she walked out of Sybil's office.
"Yes, I do believe that we should all get going," Rarity added.
And with that, they all said goodbye to Sybil and walked back outside.
Once they did, they all hopped into the DeSoto and headed towards the TV station, WARP. After driving for a while, they soon made it down to the TV station for WARP. Upon walking inside, Pinkie's eyes lit up upon seeing someone familiar. It was Applejack and she was talking to a woman with auburn-colored hair and blue eyeshadow. She was wearing a yellow shirt, blue jeans held by a belt, yellow socks, red tennis shoes and a headset.
Pinkie ran up to Applejack and gave her a big hug.
"Pinkie, what are ya doing here?" Applejack asked.
"Do you know this nutjob?" the woman asked.
"Yes, I do."
"Hi, Pinkie Pie, nice to meet you," Pinkie said as she shook the woman's hand.
"She's my fourth cousin twice removed by a fifth cousin," Applejack explained.
"I see," the woman stuttered. "And what about them?"
The woman pointed to the others as they walked up to them.
"I don't know about the dog and the rabbit... but the others are ma friends. That's Rarity and that there's my best friend for life, Rainbow Dash."
"Sup?" Rainbow greeted.
"Applejack, this is Sam and Max, they're the Freelance Police," Pinkie said as she introduced Sam and Max to Applejack.
"Not the strangest thing I've seen or heard. Pleased to met y'all," Applejack said.
"So, your name's Applejack?" Sam remarked. "What are you doing here?"
"Trying to help the director get replacement stars for the WARP sitcom, Midtown Cowboys ."
"Midtown Cowboys? The critically-panned but publicly-adored sitcom about two cattle ranchers trying to make it in downtown Manhattan?" Max asked enthusiastically.
"Yep. That's the one. You see, the director is incredibly livid right now because the original two stars went on Myra's show a few days ago and haven't come back since."
"Why?" Rainbow asked.
"She hates Myra, that's why! Everything about her. WARP ain't known for their quality in their shows. But with Myra, it's a whole different can of worms. Myra wants her guests to feel comfortable and make sure that her talk show looks nice. That goes against everything that the director works for."
"You just had to bring that up," the director snarled.
"Well, what did ya expect? I had to tell them the truth! They were gonna find out about it eventually!"
"Fair point."
"And besides, I think Sam and Max would be perfect for the role. Don't get me wrong, Rarity's a great actress, but she tends to be overdramatic at times."
"I heard that!" Rarity snarled.
"Anyways, just give 'em a chance. You might be surprised."
The director nodded her head and asked for Sam and Max to step forward.
"I'm going to have play a scene from Disney's Old Yeller. Tell me you've seen it."
"Please don't be the ending! Please don't be the ending!" Applejack pleaded softly.
"Max, I want you to play the boy."
"Shit!" Applejack cussed quietly.
Despite her displeasure over the director's choice of scenes, Sam and Max passed the audition with flying colors thanks to the shaving cream and the tear gas grenade launcher. After that, everyone entered the stage door behind her and walked on to the set of Midtown Cowboys . Much to their surprise, the director was already there before they even got there.
Everyone was shocked and confused as to how that could even be possible.
"How did you...?" Rainbow started before being interrupted.
"Sorry, you'd be amazed how many times a day I have to do that. Things tend to be hectic, here," the director explained.
"Doesn't bother us a bit," Sam said. "Sam and Max, consummate professional actors, reporting for duty!"
"You said doody , Sam," Max chuckled.
"Ha, ha. Hilarious," Rarity said sarcastically.
"Uh, miss director lady, could you please explain the premise of this show? We don't get WARP back in Canterlot City," Pinkie asked.
"Okay, here's the drill. On Midtown Cowboys , Sam and Max play a pair of cattle ranchers trying to raise a herd in an apartment in Manhattan," the director explained.
"My uncle Ernie did that, except it was pigs, and not in an apartment," Max said randomly.
"Can it, lagomorph!" Applejack growled.
"I only see one cow," Sam said.
"It's a small herd, you're struggling, okay?" the director explained.
"Okay."
"You've got this landlord, Mr. Featherly, who has a very strict no-cows policy."
"Devilishly inconvenient."
"I begin to see from whence the hilarity sprouts!" Max added.
"Yes. Featherly is always barging in, and you try to hide the fact that you have a cow in the apartment. Lots of sight gags, usually something gross winds up happening. Simple enough?" the director continued.
"Great! Where's the script?" Sam asked.
"There's kind of slight problem with that, Sam," Applejack said. "You see, the cow over there, Bessy Beauvine, ate most of the script, so you two are going to have to improvise. You know, ad-lib, as they call it in show business. And don't worry, you'll be working with Philo Pennyworth. He's a great actor, even if he is a literal chicken. He plays Featherly."
"Check. Anything else?"
"I'll let the director explain this one. All this searching has gotten me thirsty. I'm gonna have me a cider."
Applejack walked behind the camera and took out a bottle of apple cider from the crate. She popped the top off and started to drink it. As she did, the director explained that there was one line that was saved from the script. The product placement line. The line was given to Max.
"We're as ready as we're ever going to be! Let's start taping the show!"
"All right, people! Stay off-camera if you're not an actor!" the director shouted.
Upon hearing this, Rarity, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash walked out of camera view so that only Sam and Max would be visible. Pinkie then noticed a laff box.
"Um, may I?" she asked nervously.
"Absolutely."
Delighted, Pinkie put on the headset and gave the thumbs-up to show that she was ready.
"ACTION!" the director yelled.
The cameras began rolling and Sam and Max could do the show. The first thing that Sam did was pick a plate and a lampshade, both of which were props. As he was doing this, everyone heard a voice from the other side of one of the doors. It was Philo's character, Featherly, ordering them to open the doors. Sam then walked over to Bessy and placed the lampshade on her head.
"There we go. Life of the party!" Sam exclaimed.
As soon as the door opened, Pinkie played the sound effect of a cheering audience. That was because the person, or rather, chicken, who entered, was none other than Philo's character, Mr. Featherly. He was a chicken wearing glasses, a plaid shirt, blue scarf, and brown pants.
"A-ha! I know you've got a -- Well, well, well! Who's your guest boys?" Featherly said as he walked up to Bessy.
"This is the French chef we hired to satisfy our inexplicable insatiable craving for omelets and duck à L'Orange."
As soon as Sam said that, Pinkie pressed a button that emulated the audience laughing, since most of them were, of course, still on Myra's show.
"And frogs' legs! I like mine extra crispy," Max added.
"A French chef, eh? I love French bread, and French fries," Featherly said.
Pinkie, of course, pressed another button on the laff box as soon as Featherly mentioned French bread and French fries.
"I went to gui Paris one time, m'self, you know? It was back in my army days."
Pinkie pressed another button to emulate laughter as Sam shook his head, trying to keep himself from laughing. He then walked over to the cowpie behind Bessie and kicked the plate under it. Featherly walked over to Bessie's tail and yanked on it with his beak, causing her to moo in pain.
"I'm sorry, what was that you said?"
"He said Moo Goo Gai Pain . It's a French dish the chef has just made."
"Super! I'll try some of that! Where's the plate?"
Featherly walked over to the cowpie to taste the so-called French dish .
"Interesting!"
"That's one word for it," Max said.
"There's a familiar flavor... fennel, maybe?"
"Kentucky bluegrass, I think," Sam said.
"This moo-moo whatever stuff is really good! What's it called in English?"
"Cowpie!" Max exclaimed.
"Really? That's funny, it sounds just like --"
Before Featherly could continue, he realized what he was eating was cow dung. He began spitting it out in disgust as Pinkie pressed a button on the laff box.
"Max, now! Say the line!" Applejack whispered.
"Better get the serious toothpaste!" Max exclaimed.
That was the product placement line that the director saved from the script.
After he said that, the show ended.
"That was comic gold! The network is going to love it!" the director beamed as Pinkie took off her headset.
"Naturally," Philo said in his real British voice. "I'll be in my dressing room refreshing my muse - don't call me for at least an hour."
And with that, he left the set and returned to his dressing room. As a reward for doing the show, the director gave Sam a clip from the show to take with him. After doing so, she returned the set back to its original state before the taping started.
While that may have seemed strange, the clip was actually something that they didn't know they needed in order to see Myra. Why? Well, they were soon about to find out.
Author's Note
Max was the one who guessed it originally. The names were Phyliss Diller, Gavin MacLeod and Wink Martindale. That was from the original TellTale version and they kept in the remake. I changed it, because both Phyliss Diller and Gavin MacLeod have passed away since the game's original 2006 release. Plus, these names are more known by today's audience, as far as I'm concerned.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Once the set was back to the way it was, Pinkie heard the sound of someone arguing on the other side of the door that led to a show called Who's Never Going To Be A Millionaire . Pinkie slowly opened the door and saw her friend, Twilight Sparkle, arguing with a woman withe green eyes and pink hair. The woman was wearing a green shirt, black pants, pink shoes, and pink earrings.
"What do you mean it's not new?!" Twilight bellowed.
"Watch your tongue, dearie," the woman scolded. "Besides, the whole thing about you going crazy at the Friendship games is news from months ago. People have already forgotten about it. I'm terribly sorry, sweetie, but I can't have you on my show."
And with that, the woman closed the door she was standing in front of. The word above the door was labeled, Myra! The woman in question was, in fact, Myra Stump, herself.
"Twilight!" Pinkie shouted.
She ran up to her friend and hugged.
"Pinkie Pie! What a pleasant surprise," Twilight said nervously.
"Nothing is a surprise to me," a man next to them said.
The man was wearing a grey shirt, a white jacket, white pants, and a rainbow-colored tie that was tucked in to his shirt.
"Did you have to barge in like that, Mr. Bliss?" Twilight snarled.
"My, my. Such frustration. Please, try to calm yourself. I was merely trying to add some insight," Hugh said in an unnaturally high pitched voice.
Just then, Sam, Max, and the others walked up to him.
"My, my. Isn't this wonderful? Here you are surrounded by friends. Riley Miriam David, Pamela-Pinkamena Diane Pratt, Jacqueline Ackerman, and Rachel LaBelle. All of which are now reunited with their friend, Tia Sabine, commonly known as Twilight Sparkle."
"Who are you?" Rainbow cringed.
"Hi, I'm Hugh Bliss!"
"Yeah, we know," Sam groaned.
"And you are Sam and Max, Freelance Police."
"How'd you know?" Max gasped.
"Do you believe in magic? 'Cause I do!" Hugh said.
"So, Hugh Bliss, what brings you to WARP?" Sam asked.
"I, too, am here to meet Myra."
"How'd you know we came for Myra?" Max asked.
"Don't you see? I can read your mind," Hugh giggled.
"Prove it!" Twilight challenged.
"Okay. You're thinking Hugh Bliss is a big fat charlatan ."
"Lucky guess," she grumbled.
"Really? Well, your pink friend is thinking of a number. That number is 6,373,411.98!"
"Ding, ding, ding! Right!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"And Sam is thinking Enough of this ridiculous farce !"
"Stop it!" Sam growled.
Max then asked Hugh to read his mind. Hugh did just that and was extremely uncomfortable with what he found.
"That's unspeakably depraved!"
"Yeah, you got it!" Max beamed. "Wow, you're amazing!"
"If you really can do magic, then show us one of your tricks," Twilight sneered.
"Okay! I'll show you the magic of Prismatology in action!" Hugh said. "Pick a color, any color!"
"Ochre, ochre! No, mauve! Burnt sienna!" Max said.
"How about a color I've heard of, hmm? Pick a color, as long as it's red, green, or blue."
"It's not easy bein' green!" Sam said.
"Oh, but it is... with magic!"
Hugh's skin color immediately changed into green.
"I know what your thinking: Is it real or is it illusion?"
"Sam, Sybil said something about wanting a cover photo for her tabloid, remember?" Rarity said.
"Oh, yeah, that's right," Sam replied.
"Ooohh! Ooohh! Ooohh! Can I take the picture?! Can I?!" Pinkie asked.
"Absolutely," Hugh said. "The camera's just over there."
Pinkie got behind the camera as Sam and Max got into the frame with Hugh.
"Say chocolate covered puppies!"
"Chocolate covered puppies!" Sam and Max said.
Pinkie took the picture and immediately received the photograph.
"Perfect!" she exclaimed.
She then put the photo into her hair for safe keeping.
"Sorry to interrupt your little joy fest, but I've got a situation, here," the director said.
"Never fear, pretty lady, Hugh Bliss is--" Hugh started before getting interrupted.
"Yeah, anyway, our game show host went on Myra! hours ago and he still hasn't come out. Think you can fill in 'til he gets back?"
"Can a butterfly fly?"
The room was silent for about an entire minute.
"Really?" Twilight said while facepalming.
"Yes, it can. What do I do?"
"When a contestant comes to the podium, just read him a question from the card. Then, when he gets it wrong, insult him, and tell him to get off the stage," the director instructed.
"Oh, no, no! Prismatology teaches us to love everyone, no matter --"
"Right, just read the cards."
"Okay! I still love you!"
The director just shook her head in disgust.
"So, you go by Twilight, yes?" Sam asked.
"That's right," Twilight answered. "And I was trying to get in to Myra's show earlier. Apparently, you need to have a recording contract, a clip from a hit TV show that you star in, AND be involved in a recent scandal. And by recent, Myra means like something that's lasted no later than two to three weeks."
"Well, Max and I need to get into Myra's show, because she's holding her own audience hostage."
"Yeah, I've noticed. I overheard one calling out for help as I was talking to her."
"Hey, guys!" Rainbow called as she read the game show sign. "If anyone can win this game show, then we might be able to pay off Bosco and get that voice modulator!"
"I certainly hope you're right about that," Rarity said.
"Let's see if this works," Sam said as he walked up to the contestant podium with Max.
Rainbow and the others walked off-camera to make sure they weren't in the shot.
"We've got a contest, people! HIT IT!" the director called.
Hugh teleported over to the host podium as the theme music played.
"From somewhere deep within the bowels of WARP, it's Who's Never Going To Be A Millionaire !" the announcer exclaimed. "With special guest host, Huuuugh Bliss!"
"Hi, I'm Hugh Bliss!" Hugh said.
"Our first contestants are a pair of professional freelance police officers! They enjoy firing their guns randomly and running over things! Please welcome Sam and Max!"
"Listen, Sam! They love us!" Max beamed.
"Welcome! You know the rules: If you can answer even one question correctly, you'll walk away a millionaire!"
"I told you!" Rainbow whispered.
"Start loading the armored cars, Hugh, because my brain's stuffed with enough worthless trivia to power a small Chilean village for decades," Sam said.
"It's true!" Max added.
"Okay, are you ready?" Hugh asked, glancing at the question cards.
He then put them on the podium as he read the question.
"If a man sets out from the Horsehead Nebula in a spaceship traveling at thrice the speed of light, and his father leaves from Rigel II at the same time going half the speed, how many nanoseconds will it be before time paradox causes the first man never to have been born?"
"I'd have to guess Patty Duke's evil twin cousin," Sam said.
"Judges?"
The director immediately imitated the sound of a buzzer, indicating a wrong answer.
"Oh, I'm sorry, no. You lose!"
"This is an outrage! I demand a recount!" Max bellowed as Hugh put the questions away.
"We do have a fabulous consolation prize: a copy of Emetics , by me, Hugh Bliss!"
"No thanks," Sam said. "I'm content to leave with just my burning shame and newfound sense of inadequacy."
"Okay!"
"Find out which poor schmuck will be the next to blow his chance at millions, right after these messages!" the announcer exclaimed as Hugh teleported away.
"That... was... painful to watch," Twilight groaned.
Sam and Max walked away from the podium in defeat.
"Oh, like YOU could do any better?" Rainbow challenged.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I could! I knew what the answer was, because I'm educated in quantum physics! These are questions that a genius like myself could answer in one try! And I'll prove it!"
Twilight stormed up to the podium to get ready to answer a question.
"We've got another contestant! HIT IT!" the director shouted.
Hugh immediately teleported back over to the host's podium to read off another question.
"Welcome back. Our next contestant is Twilight Sparkle from Canterlot City!" the announcer exclaimed. "She enjoys hanging out with her friends, singing, and concocting some crazy experiments."
"Are you ready?" Hugh asked.
"Bring it!" Twilight said in determination.
Hugh looked at the cards and then put them down to read the question.
"Oh, happy day! It's an easy one! What is the meaning of life?"
"Ooooohhhh!! I know this one! I know this one! Come on, Twilight! Come on!"
"Better hurry up. Time's running out."
"Ehhhhhh... uhhhhhhh... FORTY-TWO!"
The buzzer went off as soon as she answered the question.
"Oh, dear. Oh, me. Oh, my. That's absolutely right!!!!"
"Gah!" Rarity gasped.
"Congratulations! You're a MILLIONAIRE!"
Twilight's podium screen flashed back and forth between the 0 and the censor symbols for cursing.
"We just went bankrupt, so we will not be back after these messages!" the announcer exclaimed as Hugh teleported away.
After doing so, the sign and the podiums exploded, indicating that the show was officially finished for good.
"Well, this is awkward, but we don't actually have a million a cash," the director said sheepishly.
"Sweet mother of all quiz show scandals!" Sam exclaimed.
"We'll have to give you one million dollars worth of food stamps."
"Well, at least it's a million dollars, regardless," Twilight said as she walked away from the podium.
Sam then started to count the food stamps as he took each of them individually.
"999,999, and a million!" Sam said as took the last food stamp.
"Let's go spend it, Sam!" Max said excitedly. "It's burning a hole in my pocket!"
"It's putting quite a bulge in mine."
After obtaining the money, everyone left the set of the game show and re-entered the set for Midtown Cowboys. Before they went any further, Pinkie noticed something that caught her attention. It was the door to a set of show called Cooking Without Looking .
"Can we go in there, please?" she begged.
"Oh, all right," Applejack said.
And so, that's what they did. They all entered the set to the cooking show.
Much to their surprise, however, there wasn't a single trace of any type of real food in sight. Pinkie went over to the ingredient rack and saw that all of the ingredients had strange labels such as sulfuric acid, buffalo chips, M.S.G, hair gel, and even one that said lard.
"I'm starting to wish we never set foot on this set," she cringed.
"Um, miss director, where's the host?" Twilight asked.
"He got food poisoning while he was taping last week's show," the director replied. "Right in the middle, in fact."
"Was it gruesome?" Max asked.
"Yes. And unfortunately, this show goes out live."
"Well, thanks anyway," Twilight said with a smile.
Pinkie grabbed two chef hats out of her hair and put them on Sam and Max's heads.
"What did you do that for?" Sam asked.
"Well, someone's going to have to fill in for the host, because I sure as hell ain't!" Pinkie said, folding her arms.
Sam walked over to the pot and the show immediately began.
"Hello! Welcome to the show?" Sam said.
"Thanks, Sam, it's great to be here!" Max said.
"Not you, buckethead! The audience!"
"Oh! Greetings, worshipful fans! Remember, the only reason I'm on TV is because I'm better than you!"
"We've got some furious cooking to do, so let's get right to it."
"What are we making, Sam?"
"Today, we're baking a cake! Let's visit our rack of ingredients and add flavoring to the flavoring pail..."
"I'm pretty sure that's a pot, Sam!"
"Max, let's leave the cooking to me and the eating to you. First, add a fistful of squid tentacles..."
Sam sprinkled said ingredient into the pot.
"Ooo, that's my favorite Western!"
"A pinch or two of wombat secretions..."
"Make sure they're lightly damp to the touch! The wombats, not the secretions..."
"A handful or two of buffalo chips..."
"You really can't add too many buffalo chips!"
"No more than a dash of uranium pellets..."
"They also go great in Chex Mix!"
"Of course, it wouldn't be real bachelor cooking without tweed..."
"Bachelors, here's a tip! Tweed isn't just for cooking... It also makes a great toupee!"
"Every chef has a signature ingredient that no one has ever heard of or used... mine's MSG!"
"If you put in enough that you feel a burning sensation in the back of the neck, forearms and chest, you're just about there!"
"You'll want to crush up some dried dingo kidneys..."
"Come on, bachelors! You know you have them! Look under the sofa cushions!"
"Don't skimp on the lard..."
"That's right! If you take the lard out of lard-ass, all you have is ass!"
"Well said, Max! And that's all of the ingredients you'll need!"
"Brilliant! Now do we broil it, Sam?"
"Right you are, little buddy. Into the oven it goes..."
Sam placed the pot into the oven and waited for a few seconds.
"And through the magic of TV cooking show time... one gorgeous, delicious cake, ready to be binged upon or shared amongst friends."
Much to everyone's surprise, the cake was indeed tasty-looking. It was a two-layer vanilla cake complete with shamrock-colored frosting.
"Oh, boy! Let's take it with us!"
Pinkie pulled a cake box out of her hair and placed the cake inside said box to keep it fresh. After that was over, they all decided to leave the studio for a bit.
Before they left, however, they saw that the stage that they had originally entered the studio into had been set up for the talent show, Embarrassing Idol . Not only that, but the former child stars, the Soda Poppers, were going to be judges. Well, two of them at least. Peepers, the youngest of his brothers, was haggling with the director about competing in the show himself.
"I just don't see how you can sing and be a judge. I don't think the public would swallow that," she said.
Twilight's eyes lit up upon seeing that her idol, Specs, was going to be a judge on the show.
"Specs?!" she gasped.
"Oh, no! It's Sprinkle again," Specs groaned.
"It's SPARKLE! GET IT RIGHT!"
"Could we at least find another judge?" Peepers asked. "What about one of those guys?"
The director then asked if any of them would be willing to be a judge on Embarrassing Idol. Max jumped at the opportunity and became the third judge. Peepers then stepped up to the microphone and started singing his original song. Upon hitting the high note, Twilight covered her ears, as she found his singing to be atrocious.
"Well, that was a bit sloppy, but I particularly liked how you hit that high note. That always impresses me. I think you'll get my vote," Specs said.
"I'm definitely voting for you! After all, you are my brother!" Whizzer said.
"That is so unfair!" Pinkie exclaimed. "You can't just vote for somebody just because they're related to you!"
"Well, apparently HE can!" Twilight groaned.
"Very impressive - You sound almost exactly like a sick cat being dragged through rusty farm machinery!" Max said. "But this is a singing contest, so I think I'll have to vote for someone else. Um, is there anyone else?"
"Not so far," the director said.
Peepers cheered, thinking he was going to win right away before walking out of camera view. As Sam went to go talk to the director, Twilight took the opportunity to go talk to Specs.
"Why are you even here?" he asked her.
"Why am I here? I originally wanted to get on Myra's show, but she shot me down," Twilight explained. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, you see, my brothers and I have gotten good jobs here on Embarrassing Idol ever since we were involved in that hypnosis scheme concocted by that crazed, former child star, Brady Culture."
"Oh, yeah! I read about that in the news! He became bitter at you guys for stealing his spotlight, didn't he?"
"That about sums it up."
"Specs, I just have to know something. I stream this show online, so I was wondering, what kind of criteria do you look for in a singer?"
"I'm a stickler for technical proficiency. Usually I look for a high note - Someone who can hit a really high note always impresses me."
"I see. Well, thanks for that."
"Don't mention it."
She then turned her attention towards Whizzer.
"Excuse me, um, Whizzer, is it? What's your criteria when judging?"
"Fraternity. I'm voting for Peepers no matter what - He's my brother!" Whizzer said before turning his head towards Specs. "The one who didn't forget my birthday today, I might add."
"I said I was sorry," Specs retorted.
"Today's your birthday?" Twilight asked. "Did you order something special?"
"Yes, actually. I ordered a cake, but the craft services never brought it," Whizzer said.
"I think the craft services crew all went to watch the Myra show. Like everybody else," the director grumbled.
"All we got was a basket of tomatoes. Ick."
"You don't like tomatoes?"
"I like 'em just fine, but they don't like me!"
"You mean they gave you an upset stomach?"
"Yes! I can't eat any kind of tomatoes, not even the little cherry ones! If I do, I'll be out of commission for hours!"
"Hmm... This is a bit of a pickle. If I remember correctly, on Embarrassing Idol, all of the judges have to agree on one person in order for a winner to be decided. If Sam tries to participate now, he'll just be shot down by Whizzer, since the only person he'll be voting for is Peepers, no matter what. I hate to do this, but we've got to get Whizzer out of commission if anyone is going to get on Myra's show and free the audience! " she thought.
She was right. They had to get Whizzer out of commission somehow. And Twilight knew exactly how to do it.
Author's Note
In the original version, you had to take Peepers' lyrics and replace the questions with them. Then, you had to participate in the game show again and answer either yes or no, as Hugh will ask Am I Blue? If he is blue, you say yes, otherwise, the answer is no.
I changed it in order to have Twilight, the genius of her friends, be the one to answer in order to keep things fresh.
And actually, when I looked it up... the meaning of life actually IS one of the questions on the cards. I just didn't know it, because I always stole the cards after the first question was read to me.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Well, to put it simply, the group ended up going back to the office and right into Sybil's office. Pinkie handed her the photo of Sam and Max with Hugh Bliss.
"You guys, this is perfect!" Sybil exclaimed. "This photo is a capstone! It succinctly summarizes over thirty years of extraterrestrial photographic evidence!"
"Sybil, that photo is a hoax," Sam said.
"Exactly! I couldn't have asked for better! Now I can print the paper!"
And with that, Sybil printed her first issue of the Alien Love Triangle Times using her mimeograph. Rarity decided to get a free copy of it herself.
"I can't believe we agreed to do this," she sighed as they walked out of Sybil's office.
She handed the paper to Sam, who put it away in his cardboard box. They then made their way down to Bosco's store to buy the voice modulator. As Sam and the others received the modulator, Twilight and Pinkie decided to put some ketchup on the cake that was made down at the studio.
"This'll put Whizzer out of commission for a while," Twilight said.
After everything was done at Bosco's everyone left the store and headed back to the TV studio.
Once they all entered, Pinkie grabbed the cake and handed it to Whizzer.
"Happy birthday!" she exclaimed with a Cheshire grin.
"Oh, boy! Birthday cake! That red frosting looks tasty," Whizzer exclaimed.
He then started stuffing his face with the cake until it was all gone. It only took a couple of seconds before he started to feel a weird sensation in his bowels.
"TIME OUT FOR NUMBER TWO!" he shouted before running off.
"What the? Darn it! He better not be going to see Myra!" the director snarled. "Well, anyway, we can't wait. We'll just have finish the show with only two judges. Whatever you guys agree on goes."
"Vote for me!" Peepers said excitedly.
Sam took out the voice modulator, which was a helium balloon attached to an inhaler and used it to make his voice higher. He then walked up to the microphone and sang a song. Both Specs and Max were impressed. It was official. Sam had won. And his reward was a recording contract for Bin Bottom Records.
After getting that, Sam and the others went over to Myra's door and asked her if they could be on her show. She explained to them that she would allow Sam and Max to be on the show if they could act, sing, and be involved in a scandal. Sam showed her the clip from Midtown Cowboys, the recording contract for Bin Bottom Records, and the latest issue of the Alien Love Triangle Times. She let Sam and Max in on the condition that they follow the rules of her talk show.
Despite not being able to go in, the girls were happy that both Sam and Max met Myra's strict criteria and got in. Once they were in, the girls waited patiently for them to come out.
"I really hope they don't end up becoming hostages like the audience," Rainbow whimpered.
"Don't be silly, Dash. I'm sure they'll figure out a way to get out of there and solve the case," Applejack said reassuringly.
After about five to ten minutes, Sam and Max walked out of Myra's door with a charred blue teddy bear dressed in a tuxedo.
"Uh, guys, what is that?" Twilight asked.
"The solution to the mystery," Sam said. "You see, the real problem wasn't Myra, it was this bear. It had her hypnotized!"
"Another case of hypnosis?" Rarity asked.
"Yes. Something tells me that these hypnosis cases are far from over, though. And this teddy bear might be a clue to where our next case might lead."
Rarity then noticed something familiar about the teddy bear. The face resembled the mask that the strange man that she saw back in Canterlot City was wearing. It might have been coincidence, but she was sure that the two were connected somehow.
The following day, Sam and Max were practicing throwing playing cards into the wastebasket as a fun activity. Max tossed one in once he was in the air thanks to Sam.
"Three pointer!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"Higher, Sam!" Max begged.
"Good news, Max. I think I just gave birth to a bouncing, baby hernia," Sam said jokingly.
"Higher!"
As soon as Sam tossed him into the air, the phone rang. After catching him, Sam tossed Max against the wall behind him, and answered the phone.
"Hello? Yes, commissioner? Holy cap-wearing catfish flopping a crime beat! We're on our way!"
"Did he get the notes I sent him?" Max asked as he got up.
"Yes, but he said to stop carving them into the suspects. He can't read read them without his bifocals."
"What if I just write bigger?"
"Forget that, Max. We're after the most infamous organized crime outfit in the city, the Toy Mafia!"
Hearing those words got Rarity's immediate attention.
"The Toy Mafia? One of their members was in Canterlot City a few days ago," she explained.
"Really?"
"Yes. He was just outside of Sweet Snacks while I was reading my mystery novel! I have no idea why he was there, since they usually operate here in New York."
"Well, worry about it, later. The commissioner told me over the phone that he has reason to believe that the Toy Mafia's secret headquarters are located in the one place no one would ever suspect: Ted E. Bear's Mafia-Free Playland and Casino ."
"The sallowest place on Earth? Oboy!" Max exclaimed.
"Well, it's not going to be all laughs and dyspepsia! It's a rescue op. The commissioner sent an undercover mole to investigate, but he hasn't reported in weeks. Our job is to make contact with the mole and see if he needs help!"
"Mole as in the animal or the kind you see on your face?" Pinkie asked.
"No idea. To find him, we're supposed to give the code phrase, Does the carpet match the drapes? "
"And what'll he say?" Max asked.
"He'll say Well, I never! Then smack me across the face."
"If it'll help us understand what the Toy Mafia was doing in Canterlot City in the first place, then I say we get cracking!" Rarity exclaimed.
Before leaving the office, however, Pinkie picked up the Ace of Spades that Max was holding earlier and put it in her hair. She then followed the others out the door and eventually saw that Sybil had once again changed professions.
Everyone went inside Sybil's office and immediately noticed a web cam on one of her cacti.
"Sybil, darling, what's this web cam doing here?" Rarity asked.
"Don't be silly, I don't have a web cam," Sybil retorted.
"Riiiight," Applejack said dryly.
"Something tells me that this web cam might've just been put there recently," Twilight said.
"And how do you know that?" Rainbow asked.
"Call it a gut feeling. Aside from that, I just want to congratulate you, Sybil!"
"For what?" Sybil asked.
"Becoming a professional trial witness, of course! My brother's studying at the college he's at to become a professional attorney! You might get a chance to meet him if you stick with this profession!"
"And... what what's your brother's name?"
"Shining Armor. I'm his sister, Twilight. I used to take therapy sessions with you."
"Twilight... Twilight... Oh, Twilight! Twilight Sparkle! Of course! How could I forget? You had quite a bit of anxiety issues just before your camp trip, didn't you?"
"Unfortunately, yes. But that's all behind me, now. So, do you know what your first case is going to be?"
"No, but I'm waiting for a call from the district attorney! He says he's got something I'd be perfect for!"
"You don't feel uncomfortable getting a case first, and then being a witness for it?" Sam asked.
"Not at all! You see, the problem with most trials is that crimes are witnessed by someone who's unprepared for what's going to happen, or who doesn't have sufficient training or skills to accurately remember or relate what happened. With my background and widely varied skill set, I'm perfect!"
"I see," Twilight said skeptically. "Well, it was nice talking to you. See you later, I guess!"
And with that, everyone walked out of Sybil's office and made their way over to Bosco's Inconvenience.
Upon entering the store, everyone noticed that Bosco was now wearing a French disguise, which consisted of a beret.
While in the French disguise, Bosco referred to himself as Jean-Francois Bande-A-Part, the New Wave French anarchist.
"This may sound a little crazy, but why in the hell are you wearing a French disguise?" Rainbow asked dryly.
"The mafia saw right through my disguise, that's why," Bosco explained. "They've got it in for me!"
"Just what exactly is the mafia doing to you, anyway?"
"Nothing... yet! I know what zey are planning, and it is terrible!"
"And just what exactly might that be?" Applejack asked.
"I have reason to believe, zey are planning... to deliver something to my store!"
"Really? Another delivery conspiracy?" Rainbow groaned.
"Yeah, but they won't get past me. For one, I am watching always. And two, even if they do get past me, I got a fail-safe. It's the greatest invention the world has seen since... B-Tads! I call it the Bosco-Tech anti-delivery system! It is B-Tads Part Duex!!"
"Oh, I get it!" Twilight exclaimed.
"What do you mean?" Rainbow asked.
"You see that camera there?"
Twilight pointed to a blue security camera that was mounted on a pole near the register.
"Well, if I'm right, then that camera is supposed to keep a visual record of everything that's stocked here in the store. If something's brought in that the camera doesn't recognize, B-Tads will most likely get rid of the item and throw it out in front of the store! Right?"
"Exactly!" Bosco said.
"So, Bosco, do you have anything behind the counter for us?" Pinkie asked excitedly.
"Oui!" Bosco exclaimed.
"What is it?"
"It is a miniature listening device. It can fit in any cravat, under any chapeau!"
"How much?" Rainbow groaned.
"Ten million American dollars."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT?!?!" Twilight screamed. "ARE YOU CRAZY?! WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!"
"Twilight, calm down!" Applejack said. "We'll get the money somehow."
"I hope you're right!"
And with that, they all walked out of the store and hopped into the DeSoto.
The group traveled on a road for a while until they reached Ted E. Bear's Mafia-Free Playland and Casino.
Upon entering the place, everyone was astounded at how clean the place was. While looking around, Rarity immediately recognized the man with the green teddy bear head as the man outside Sweet Snacks. Suddenly, they were all startled by the three singing teddy bear heads behind the poker table as they sang the welcome song, Just You and Me and Ted E. Bear . As soon as they stopped singing, a man wearing a yellow teddy bear mask walked up to them.
"Welcome to Ted E. Bear's Mafia-Free Playland and Casino," he greeted.
"WHAT THE--?!" Rainbow gasped.
"BLOODY HELL!" Rarity exclaimed.
"WHAT IN TARNATION?!" Applejack exclaimed.
"HOLY SPRINKLES!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"OH, MY GOD!" Twilight exclaimed.
"That face!" Sam gasped.
"My name's Lovey Bear," Lovey Bear said. "Boy, do we have some fun and games for you."
He then reached into his pocket and gave them at least 30 tokens to use at the establishment.
"Here, take this token amount of tokens as our way of saying welcome and go spend a lotta money."
"You give tokens to first-time customers?" Sam asked.
"That's right! G'wan! Enjoy! Live a little!"
"I have question, sir. Does the name Sunset Shimmer ring a bell?" Rarity asked.
"Sunset Shimmer? Haven't heard that name in a long time. She used to come in here with a woman that had a sneezing problem. It's weird. Whenever she'd sneeze, it was as if her personality would do a 180! One moment, she'd be nice, and then the next, she'd be completely trigger-happy and rude!"
"I see..."
She then turned her head to Sam.
"Sam, try the code phrase!" she whispered.
"Oh, yeah! Does the carpet match the drapes?" Sam asked.
"If Don Ted E. Bear says so, they do!" Lovey said.
"Uh, thank you, sir. We'll uh... just take a look around and enjoy ourselves," Rarity chuckled.
"It's your life."
As she walked away from Lovey Bear, Rarity spotted someone out of the corner of her eye. It was Fluttershy. She was wearing a black suit, black shoes, and sunglasses. She was standing with her back against the wall next to the display case that held the original meatball sandwich. Why was she there? And why was she dressed like that? Well, Rarity and the others were about to find out.
Author's Note
The girls reactions to Lovey Bear actually happen all at once, for those who are curious. Their exclamations are meant to overlap each other when they speak. Sam speaks after them, though.
Also, in the actual game, I believe the amount of tokens that Lovey gives you is infinite, but I'm not for certain.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
"I don't like this. I really don't," Fluttershy said, finally dropping her tough girl facade and taking off her glasses.
"Kill Sybil Pandemik? That's absurd!" Rarity said.
"Max and I will go talk to her and see what we can do," Sam said.
"I certainly hope so. And if anything, we have to get rid of that web cam that's spying on her once we figure this out!"
"Ya got that right," Applejack said. "Speaking of cameras, I don't like saying this, but we gotta get rid of Bosco's camera before we can make that delivery. Pinkie, you, Fluttershy and I will go into Bosco's and deliver the bear. Rarity, you can go with Dash and Twilight to get the meatball sandwich."
"Understood. And I think I know who Leonard might be trying to pawn it off to: Jimmy Two-Teeth."
"When this case is over, I would really like to change back into my street clothes," Fluttershy said. "I'm really starting to get hot in this suit."
"Come on, girls. Let's go."
And with that, everyone split up and went their own separate ways in order to do the three jobs the Toy Mafia wanted them to do.
Over at Bosco's, Pinkie decided to distract Bosco, since she knew he would be watching them, otherwise.
"Bosco, look outside! It's the Toy Mafia!" she exclaimed.
"What? Where?" Bosco gasped.
He took out his binoculars and saw that the dealer from the casino was reading a newspaper outside. Pinkie put the box down on the sale table. As soon as she did, however, an alarm went off. A vacuum tube dropped down and sucked up the box before spitting it out on to the street.
"I'll get it!" Applejack said.
She went outside and got the box back. Upon coming back in, Sam and Max entered while carrying a coffee cup. Sam then filled the entire cup with ketchup instead of coffee.
"What in tarnation are you doing, Sam?"
"I'm making it seem like we killed Sybil. I don't want to actually kill her. So, I'm filling it up with ketchup," he said.
"Of course! They used ketchup as a substitute for blood in old movies!"
"Precisely. I'm going to shoot the cup and make it seem like Sybil is covered in blood."
"That perfect, Sam!"
As they continued talking, Pinkie pulled the magnet out of her hair and placed it on the anti-delivery camera. Bosco didn't notice, as he was too distracted by the Toy Mafia member outside. B-Tads Part Deux sucked up the camera and spat it out on to the street.
"Nice one, Pinkie!" Fluttershy beamed.
"Eh, it was nothing," Pinkie grinned.
She then put the box on to the sale table just as Sam and Max walked out of the store back to Sybil's place. After doing so, the dealer came in to the store and gave them the thumbs-up, then walked out. Bosco started freaking out when he saw the delivery on his sale table. After the three girls exited the store, Bosco freaked out even more upon seeing that his anti-delivery camera was gone.
Meanwhile, in the office, Leonard was trying to threaten Jimmy into giving him the money before showing him the sandwich. Suddenly, Rarity, Rainbow and Twilight walked into the office. As soon as they did, Leonard immediately pointed the gun at them and threatened them. Twilight, however, knew better than to trust Leonard.
"Say, Leonard, isn't that a cap gun?" she asked.
"What? No!" he denied.
Twilight snapped her fingers, allowing Rainbow to attack Leonard before tying him up to Max's chair.
"Now, tell us where the meatball sandwich is!"
"I'll never talk. There ain't nothing you can do to break me!"
"Oh, really? What would your mother say if she were still alive?"
"No, please don't! Don't talk about her like that!"
"Girls, I think it's time to bust out the yo' momma jokes!"
"No, not that! Anything but that!"
"Too late, Leonard! Yo' momma's so radiant, if she fell in nuclear waste, no one would notice!"
"It's true," he sobbed as his face started getting red.
"Yes! It's working! Rainbow, you do the next one."
"On it. Hey, Leonard, yo' momma's so vulgar, her mouth would make a longshoreman blush!" Rainbow boasted.
"It hurts, it hurts!" he sobbed as face got redder.
"Isn't this kind of cruel?" Rarity asked.
"It is, but it's the only way we're going to get him to talk," Twilight explained.
"Fair point. I guess I'll go. I was saving this for someone else, but I suppose now's a good time to use it. Leonard, yo' mama's so punctual, she showed up early for her own funeral!"
"Oh, mama! Make it stop!" he wailed.
"Hey, Leonard! Yo' mama's so thrifty, she brings coupons to the penny arcade!" Rainbow said.
"STOP! PLEASE, STOP!" Leonard wailed. as his face got even redder than before.
"We'll only stop if you tell us where that meatball sandwich is!" Rarity snarled.
"No."
"Then you leave us with no choice."
"Please, don't."
"Yo' mama's so fat, she has more folds than an origami accordion!"
"Okay, okay! I'll tell you where the sandwich is, just leave my mama alone!" he whimpered.
"There, now was that so hard?"
"I never even took the sandwich out of the casino. I hid it in the prize slot of the one-armed bandit, and then took the one arm so no one could win it," Leonard explained as his face returned to normal.
"Where's the arm at?" Twilight asked.
"I got it right here next to me on the floor."
Twilight picked up the one arm from the one-armed bandit and headed out the door with her friends, leaving Leonard tied up in the chair.
As they walked out, they all saw Sam, Max and the others and met up near the DeSoto.
"So, what happened?" Twilight asked.
"Well, I managed to shoot Sybil's coffee cup that I filled with ketchup. Once I did, the ketchup got on her dress, as well as her face," Sam explained.
"Did she play dead?"
"Yes. After that, Max ate the web cam. Oh, by the way, before I forget, Fluttershy, are you normally a tough girl?"
"No, actually," Fluttershy said meekly. "I-I-I-I-I-I-It's just a facade I put on whenever I'm helping my mom with certain cases. S-S-S-S-S-S-S-She told me to act tough before I volunteered to help her out with the Toy Mafia."
"Who exactly is your mother? Just curious."
"The police chief of Canterlot City. Her name's Flower Power."
"Flower Power? Sounds like some kind of mulch that you put in your garden," Max said.
"That's what everyone says, but I assure you, she's as tough as the toughest weeds. I would know. Flower arranging's a hobby of mine."
"I see," Sam said. "So, what about the meatball sandwich?"
"We managed to get the one arm from the one-armed bandit after doing some yo' mama jokes to Leonard. And we also managed to snag his cap gun," Twilight explained.
"No fair! I wanted to do that!" Max complained.
"Be that as it may, we found out that the sandwich is in the prize slot of the one-armed bandit. All we have to do is win it."
"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Sam exclaimed.
Everyone hopped into the DeSoto and headed back to the casino.
Upon reaching the casino, Fluttershy put her glasses back on and walked inside with everyone. After going inside, Twilight put the one arm back on the one-armed bandit.
"Rainbow Dash, would you do the honors?" Twilight asked.
"I thought you'd never ask!" Rainbow exclaimed as she put in her last token.
She then pulled the arm down and got the jackpot. The jackpot turned out to be the original meatball sandwich.
"Hey, look at that! The original meatball sandwich!"
As she grabbed the sandwich, Chuckles came out of the elevator and walked towards them.
"Did that thing just give you a prize?" he asked. "Must be out of adjustment. I'll have it serviced."
"Hey, we worked our butts off to get the original meatball sandwich back! See for yourself!"
She handed him the sandwich, which he confirmed to be the real deal.
"Yes, that's definitely the sandwich. Ted E. Bear will be very pleased."
"Is he hungry?" Max asked.
"Generally, yes. Well, I'm impressed. You've done well. Follow me to the back room upstairs. There's a little initiation ceremony."
The girls put their masks on and followed Chuckles into the back room where Ted E. Bear was.
Upon welcoming them all, Ted E. Bear decided to finally take off his bear head mask in order to talk clearer. As soon as he did, Fluttershy gasped. It turned out that a mole was behind the operations.
"Harry Moleman! You traitor! Does the carpet match the drapes?" she said.
"The code phrase! Idiot! Sam and Max are freelance police! And Fluttershy's the daughter of Flower Power from Canterlot City!" Harry exclaimed. "And you can drop the tough girl schtick! I know you're actually shaking right now!"
"You're right! I am!" she whimpered.
"Wait, so I get that the mole traitor, presumably for the wealth and power that the Toy Mafia could offer, but what happened to the previous Ted E. Bear?" Max asked.
"Or Ted E. Bears," Sam added. "For all we know, the original Ted E. Bear choked on his own meatball sandwich back in '65."
"Yes, good point. Should we run, now?"
"Perhaps so."
"GET THEM!" Harry ordered.
"Head for the car, everyone!"
Everyone ran out while the girls ditched the animal masks and hopped into the DeSoto. Sam started it up and eventually drove off at a high speed with the Toy Mafia hot on their tale. What was worse was that they were actually trying to shoot at them.
"We're going to die! We're going to die!" Fluttershy whimpered.
"I'd rather not die today, thank you!" Rarity whimpered.
"Well, we would puncture the tires, but the Toy Mafia's got those bullet-proof tires from Crime Mart!" Max exclaimed.
"Looks like we'll have to stop them a different way!" Sam said.
Applejack looked up and saw that some of the signs on the poles were loose.
"Sam, shoot at one of those signs! It might cause the mafia to stop!" Applejack shouted.
"On it!"
Sam got out his gun as he continued to steer the DeSoto. He then shot at a sign as they were about to pass it.
"This is not good," Chuckles groaned as the sign came down.
Once the sign came down, Chuckles bumped into it, causing the car to swerve, as well as making the gunner go over the bridge.
"Is that all of them?" Max asked as Sam sat back down with his gun put away.
"All but one: Ted E. Bear himself," Sam responded.
"Let's go take down that fat little fraud once and for all!"
"Good idea! Hold on, everyone!"
Sam then quickly drove the car back to the casino as fast as he could.
Upon returning to the secret room, everyone noticed that Harry was gone.
"I'd like to give that mole a piece of my mind!" Rainbow threatened.
"Cool it, Dash! We'll have to use our brains instead of our brawn for this!" Applejack said.
"Look! That door over there! It says Do not enter under pain of death ," Twilight exclaimed, pointing to a door with red letters on it.
"Hey, guys! I found something interesting!" Sam said, walking over to a work desk. "He's got a bunch of maps in here, with what looks like truck routes going all over the country. Even Canterlot City!"
"Well, I guess that explains why I noticed the Toy Mafia in Canterlot City that day," Rarity mused.
"Come on, you guys! We got to stop this mole form hypnotizing everyone in the country!" Twilight said.
Everyone nodded in agreement and headed through the door.
After walking down a long hallway, they all came to another door and walked through it. Upon exiting the door, Fluttershy took off her glasses and put them into her chest pocket.
"Hey, there's a whole bear-making factory back here!" Sam exclaimed.
"This isn't good. If I weren't so timid, I'd find a way to shut this down," Fluttershy whimpered.
Suddenly, they were met by Harry Moleman, who was holding a hypno-bear in his right rand and a pistol in his left. He was surprised to see that they all had managed to escape his goons unharmed.
"As much as I want to hypnotize you girls, I already know that the hypno-bear won't affect you," he said. "Instead, you can help work the factory unless you want to end up like my other four victims."
He then walked over to a white sheet that seemed to be covering something. He put the gun away and pulled the sheet back, revealing four familiar faces.
"It's the Dazzlings... and Sunset Shimmer!" Applejack exclaimed.
"You... monster!" Twilight snarled.
The four of them were tied to chairs and gagged with white cloths.
"Why involve Sunset Shimmer in this? She hasn't done anything!"
"On the contrary, she was the person that the Dazzlings here were supposed to whack," Harry explained. "She used to cause trouble at the casino when she would come in with that weird girl. It was bad business for the previous Ted E. Bear, so I wanted to pick up where he left off. But when they couldn't do it, I had to take all of them hostage. I'd say it's a good bargaining tactic."
Rainbow clenched her hand into a tight fist. She was pissed.
"If Fluttershy wasn't with me right now, I'd freaking kill you!" she snarled.
"Enough of this!" Harry bellowed, taking out his gun out. "Sam and Max: Look at the hypno-bear!"
He then attempted to hypnotize Sam and Max, unaware that they couldn't be hypnotized. They decided to play along and pretend to be hypnotized in order to avoid suspicion. Harry then ordered Sam to kill Max by shooting him. Hearing this shocked Sunset, who was now angry and terrified. She rocked back and forth in her chair in an attempt to break free from the ropes. She eventually fell over on to her stomach in her seemingly futile attempt. While she was doing this, Twilight stealthily gave Sam the cap gun that she stole from Leonard to shoot Max with.
Max then did an overdramatic death scene like those found in old movies. As he was making his way towards the area where Sunset and the Dazzling were tied up at, Sunset managed to get her arms free from the ropes. Max then pulled on a lever, causing a tube to suck him up and into a machine puts the bears onto the assembly line. Thankfully, the assembly line didn't explode, as Max was small enough to pop out before the pressure gauge could reach the danger level. While Harry was distracted in giving the others orders, Sunset removed her gag and proceeded to untie herself from the chair. After Harry was finished talking, he went over to the door's entrance to read the newspaper. Sunset then successfully untied herself and landed on floor.
"Sunset, are you all right?" Twilight asked as her friend gasped for air.
"I'm fine. Thanks, Twilight," Sunset said. "Who are they?"
"Sam and Max. They're the freelance police," Fluttershy explained as she helped Sunset to her feet.
While Sam was busy trying to think of a way to hypnotize Harry to get him over to the tube, the others managed to untie the Dazzlings from the chairs. They then removed their gags so that they could breathe.
"After all we did to you guys, why are you suddenly being nice?" Aria asked.
"Everyone deserves a second chance, darling," Rarity said, offering her hand.
Aria just slapped it away, though.
"I don't need your so-called friendship. I'm fine doing things on my own with my sisters!"
"Oh! As if your plans ever work?" Sonata snarked. "It's because of you that we got into this mess! I wanted to hide, because I knew that the Toy Mafia would come looking for us! But nooooooooooooo! You insisted that we just go about our daily lives, knowing very well that they were going to find us because we couldn't do that one job!"
"Shut your yap, Sonata! If you hadn't made us stop to get tacos, we wouldn't even be here!"
"Both of you... SHUT UP!" Adagio roared. "I've had it with your constant arguing! It's unnecessary and immature! Once we get out of here, we're going to learn discipline the hard way! Whether you two idiots like it or not!"
"Yes, Adagio," they sighed.
Suddenly, the alarm started to go off. Everyone looked up and saw that Harry was stuck in the machine. Not only that, but the pressure gauge was rising fast.
"She's gonna blow!" Twilight yelled. "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"
Everyone ran out of the casino as fast as they could as the factory started to explode. Thankfully, they all managed to get out in time before the place was completely destroyed. Thankfully, Sam and Max's DeSoto was left unscathed. Fluttershy's outfit, however, was torn as a result of the explosion.
"Thank goodness that's over!" she sighed.
Just then, her cell phone rang. Fluttershy immediately answered it.
"Hello? Oh, hi, mom. Yeah... uh-huh. Yes, we stopped them. Well, Sam and Max is with me. And so are my friends. What? What do you mean? Okay, yes. I understand. I love you, too. Bye."
She hung up and sighed heavily.
"What's wrong, Flutters?" Rainbow asked.
"I hate to say it, but we're not done. Something even more sinister is going to try and hypnotize the country. Thankfully for us, my mom told me that I don't have to act tough this time. I can just be myself."
"Yeah, that was kind of weird to see you act a bit more like me."
"I had no choice! The Toy Mafia's tough! I didn't want to show any weakness, so I took on the guise of bouncer. It was... to stay on their good side without arousing any suspicion."
"Hey, don't worry about it. Besides, we'll worry about this next case when it comes up. Right, guys?"
Everyone agreed unanimously. The Dazzlings, however, were already walking away while Fluttershy and Rainbow were talking to each other.
"Do you think we'll ever see them again?"
"It's possible. But I don't count on it happening anytime soon. Come on, let's go get something to eat. I'm starving!"
"I couldn't have said it better myself!" Max exclaimed.
Everyone then walked to the DeSoto and headed off to get something to eat for the evening. As they drove off, they were all unaware that there was one person who remained from the Toy Mafia: Chuckles. Chuckles removed his bear head mask, revealing his sunglasses, an earphone, and his gray-and-white hair.
"This is secret agent Chuckles. The factory's been destroyed. Repeat: The factory has been destroyed. Commence... Plan B," he said into his earphone.
Just what is Plan B? Was it something related to what Fluttershy was telling Rainbow Dash? Only time will tell...
Author's Note
For those who are confused, let me explain. As much as I liked the added touch of Sam and Max getting bear head masks in the remake, I honestly think that it's kind of unnecessary. That's why I resorted to using the original TellTale version where they didn't have masks, so that the girls could be in the back of the DeSoto as they were being chased.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Assault on the White House
The following day, Sam and Max decided to use the bug to prank call someone. The recipient soon answered the phone and bug started talking as if it had just watched a scene from a film known as The Exorcism .
"I... am... reborn! I will feast on your entrails and devour your soul!" the bug said in a demonic voice.
"That scene creeps me out every time!" Rainbow shivered.
It was soon discovered, though, that the person that they were prank call was the commissioner of the New York City police.
"Nice one," Twilight muttered under her breath as Sam spoke to the commissioner on the phone.
"What's that? ...Yes? ...Yes? ...No! ...Yes? Sweet suffering St. Sebastian on the sousaphone in a short story by Susan Sontag! We're on our way!" Sam exclaimed.
He then hung up the phone.
"What was it about this time, Samuel?" Rarity asked.
"I'll tell you. We have a far more bloodthirsty adversary this time... the president of the United States of America!"
"The big man himself?" Rainbow asked.
"That's right. The man's gone nuts! He's enacting all kinds of crazy new laws."
"What else is new?" Max shrugged.
"Federally mandated group hugs before, during and after all major sporting events!"
"What?! Is he crazy?! I don't want to hug the other team if I don't know 'em!" Rainbow said.
"He's curtailing civil liberties! Threatening the environment!"
"He's... WHAT?!" Fluttershy snarled. "If so as much harms my little Angel Bunny, I'm going to give him quite the earful!"
"And he's about to introduce mandatory gun registration for all 50 states!"
Max got out his gun, the Lugermorph, ready to teach the President a lesson.
"Get the keys," he said.
After a long drive, Sam, Max and the girls made it to the front of the White House. Due to how many people there were this time, Sunset rented a car so that she could follow Sam and Max without being crowded in the back of the DeSoto. While Sunset's car ended up all right, the DeSoto, on the other hand, ended up hitting the White House's mailbox.
"I have to point out, Sam, that we could've avoided this gruesome accident if you'd just let me drive," Max said as everyone got out of the cars.
"And I have to point out that we could've avoided this gruesome accident if you hadn't jumped on my head shouting Jersey Devil! Jersey Devil! And firing your gun out the window!" Sam retorted.
"I swear that woman was a dead ringer for him."
"Well, aside from that little fiasco, it looks like we all made it to the White House unharmed," Twilight said.
"Let's go bring the hammer down on that so-called Commander-in-Chief!"
Before anyone could enter the White House, however, they were stopped by a Secret Service agent. The agent's name was Superball. He denied them access as they had dangerous weaponry, as well as being minors.
"I apologize for the inconvenience," Superball said. "But rules are rules. If you don't have a government-issued ID with you, are not 18 or older, have dangerous weapons, or do not have a responsible adult with you, I'm afraid I can't let you in."
"Darn!" Rainbow grumbled.
"Well, I guess we'll be on our way," Twilight said.
They then walked away from him and decided to explore the outside of the White House. To their surprise, everyone saw Jimmy Two-Teeth in the wading pool.
"Oh, great! What are you guys doing here?" he snarked.
"Saving the world, that's what! What in God's name are you doing here?"
"I happen to take my vacations at the White House, and I need a little R and R. Speaking of which, beat it!"
"Jerk!"
Twilight walked away from Jimmy and noticed something strange about the pay phone.
"Well, that's strange. This phone only takes Susan B. Anthony dollars. And it's a 555 number. Let's see... 555-1984 . Hey, that was the year Raegan was elected! Neat!"
"Did I ever mention how I've memorized pi to one thousand decimal places?" Max said randomly. "It's 3.14159265358979..."
"Shut up, Max! The next time you spout off that irrational number, I'm having Sam smother you with a pillow in your sleep!"
After that little mishap, everyone decided to head back to the office and see what Sybil was up to. On the way there, they noticed posters with the army's new slogan, Give you all you've got! As they looked at it, they noticed that one of the posters had come loose. Sam picked it up and put it in his pocket. Upon reaching Sybil's place, they all saw that she had put up lettering outside her window that read Love is for everyone . This made Twilight sad. It reminded her of her first crush, Timber Spruce. Unfortunately for her, the two of them had broken up after the first video game incident. She figured that she could get away from it by being on break with her friends. Unfortunately, the sign reminded her of the happiness that she once had with him. Sunset patted her hand on her shoulder, letting her know that everything was going to be all right.
The group entered the place and noticed that various heart-like lights were going around her office.
"Ooooohhh! Trippy!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Shut up," Rainbow grumbled.
"Hi, Sybil," Applejack said.
"Hi, guys," Sybil greeted. "I'm really excited! I found the perfect job for me!"
"And what's that?"
"I, Sybil Pandemik, am now a professional matchmaker!"
"You're helping people get dates?" Twilight asked.
"Precisely. And it fits, since I'm having trouble myself. It seems like all the guys I meet are either total losers or borderline psychopaths."
"Ouch! That's harsh," Sunset said.
"Tell me about it."
"Maybe I can help!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"From an amateur matchmaker like you? I don't think so."
"Aw, come on. Give it a try. You never know what could happen."
"All right. Well, I'm more into older men. Guys with a little history to them are such a turn-on. Oh, and tall men! And distinguished. And he should be experienced."
"Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Sybil!"
And with that, they all walked out of her office.
They then decided to go to Bosco's to see what overpriced item he was selling this time. On their way there, they met up with Hugh Bliss.
"Well, hello!" Hugh exclaimed. "I see the seven of you are all reunited! The whole gang is here! Tia Sabine, Riley David, Pamela-Pinkamena Pratt, Fiona Smirnov, Jacqueline Ackerman, Rachel Labelle, and Scarlett Scully! Commonly known as Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Sunset Shimmer!"
"H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-How do you know our real names?" Fluttershy stammered.
"By magic!"
"But... Scarlett's my adopted name. I'm not..." Sunset began.
"From this world? Of course not! But that is still your name, isn't it?"
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes."
Hugh just giggled with delight upon hearing her answer.
"Hey, Hugh. I have a suggestion. Do a disappearing trick!" Twilight sneered.
"Okay!" he said.
And with that, he disappeared. After doing so, Twilight took the free home delivery sigh and handed it to Sam. Sam then put it in his pocket before Hugh returned.
"What was that for?" Applejack asked.
"Something tells me we might need it later," Twilight whispered.
"All right, I'll go by your word."
"Come on, let's go see what Bosco's selling this time."
The group went into Bosco's store and saw that he was wearing a Russian hat. He now called himself Vladimir Illyvich Boscovorski.
After explaining that the feds are watching him, Rarity asked him why he thought they were after him.
"Maybe it's because I know too much," Bosco said.
"So, are you working on anything to defend yourself against the higher ups?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah. I'm working on a satellite missile defense system."
"Isn't that more than a little bit overkill?" Sam asked.
"Nyet! We are strong like bear against attack! I'm working on modifying B-Tads Part Deux."
"Your anti-delivery system?"
"That's right. It was already programmed to keep people from delivering stuff to my store, so I just went into the database and changed beef jerky to inter-continental ballistic missiles ."
"A small price to pay that's worth the payoff," Twilight smirked.
"Da! Twilight knows what is up. Problem is, I need the money for it."
"Wait a minute. Is this going to be the price of yer new item?" Applejack asked.
"Well, yes. It's something called a a truth serum. One swig of this and you'll be telling the truth in no time."
"All right, Bosco. How much this time?"
"One hundred million dollars."
Pinkie's tongue popped out as she did a wild take.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!?!?!?!" she screamed.
"Look, like I said, I need the money to complete my satellite defense system. And things like that are really expensive."
"Well, that would make sense," Sunset said.
And with that, they walked out of his store and went into Sam and Max's office.
Upon entering, Sunset opened the closet door and was surprised to see Leonard tied up and gagged on the top shelf.
"Why is Leonard tied and gagged in the closet?" she asked.
"He's a card cheat, that's why," Pinkie said.
"Plus, he tried to pawn off the original meatball sandwich to Jimmy Two-Teeth," Twilight added.
Leonard then uttered something indecipherable.
"Screw you!" Rainbow retorted.
She then slammed the door shut as Twilight walked over to the telephone.
"Hey, Sam, can I use your phone?" she asked.
"Go right ahead," he said.
"Thanks."
She then dialed 555-1984.
"White House. Agent Superball speaking," Superball said on the other line.
"Hello, please hold."
"Roger that."
Twilight then put the receiver on the table to make sure he stayed on the line.
"You sure about this, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.
"Don't worry about it. It's the only way we're going to stop the President, anyway. Come on, let's go."
And with that, they all exited the office and headed back to the White House.
Upon arriving, they noticed that Superball was still on the phone. They all saw this as an opportunity and snuck into the White House. Upon entering the President's office, everyone noticed that his eyes were swirling.
"Holy guacamole! He's been hypnotized!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"We've got to knock him out cold and snap him out of it!" Pinkie said.
Before they could that, however, Chuckles walked over to the President, as he was his personal bodyguard. Fluttershy then decided to strike up a conversation with him.
"Um, excuse me, sir?"
"What do you want, girlie?" he snarked.
"I don't appreciate your tone! Wait a minute... your voice... it sounds... familiar? Where have I heard that before? Uh... um... A-ha! I know! You're Chuckles!"
"Lucky guess."
Fluttershy then noticed a room out of the corner of her eye.
"Um, pardon me for asking, but um, what's that room over there?"
"It's the door to the War Room, with unrestricted access to the United States' entire arsenal of long-range missile weapons."
"That sounds dangerous."
"Which is why no one enters it during peace time."
"Well, thank you. I guess I'll just, uh..."
Fluttershy then saw Pinkie playing with a George Washington nutcracker.
"Hi, I'm George Washington. Anybody need their nuts cracked?" she joked.
"Please don't make fun of George Washington," the President said.
Fluttershy just sighed and facepalmed in embarrassment. Suddenly, she saw Sam and Max go near the War Room.
"Boys, don't! You're going to get kicked out!"
But they didn't listen. As soon as Sam touched the handle, Chuckles immediately escorted both Sam and Max out of the White House. He soon returned a few minutes later with Whizzer, one of the Soda Poppers.
"You girls are lucky that you know how to obey the rules. The President might need some help with something," he said.
"What's that?" Twilight asked.
"He needs an interpreter. I don't know why, but he can't seem to understand anything Governor Whizzer says."
"Governor Whizzer?!" the girls gasped.
"That's right. I'm the governor of West Dakota!" Whizzer said.
"West Dakota? You mean there's a third Dakota, now?!" Twilight asked.
"Exactly. I'm here on behalf of that M.R.S.A.P.P."
"What's that?"
"The Mount Rushmore Soda Soda Abuse Prevention Program. It's totally changed my life!"
"Right. Just like Brady Culture did," Rarity muttered under her breath.
"Shut up! I've been carbonation-free for over four weeks, now!"
"I see. Well, if anyone's going to interpret you, who better to do so than Twilight?"
"ME?!?" Twilight panicked.
"Twilight, you're the best one for the job," Sunset reassured her. "Besides, you've had experience with politics before, haven't you?"
"Only once! And that was during the mock election! All right, fine! Mr. President, I'm ready to interpret for you. Go ahead, Governor Whizzer. Begin, please."
"Mr. President, my fellow Americans, I come to warn you about a serious epidemic facing our country: the scourge of soda abuse. Many former pop-heads like myself found ourselves in the endless cycle of addiction and elimination until we believed there was no hope."
"I don't know what you're saying, son, but you're selling it boy! Good job!" the President said.
"I ask you: How long can this epidemic continue?"
"What was that?"
"Well, you see sir, he said, uh..." Twilight said nervously.
She glanced at Applejack, who gave her the A-OK sign while smiling nervously.
"Thank you," she mouthed before clearing her throat.
"He said what's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?"
The President pushed a button, which made the globe open up, revealing a bunch of cans of ice cold sugar fizz. Whizzer couldn't resist and had one himself.
"Oh blessed angels of carbonation! Fill me with your syrupy nectar!" he cooed.
"Ugh! That is disgusting!" Rarity cringed.
Just then, Whizzer felt a sensation in his bladder. He had to take a number one.
"Which way to the bathroom?"
Applejack nodded nervously at Twilight.
"He said which way to the war room?" Twilight said.
The President pointed him to the direction of the War Room. Whizzer was immediately blocked by Chuckles, who then escorted him to the Interrogation Room.
"Nice going, Twilight!" Rainbow beamed. "Now, it's my turn to lay down the law with the so-called President!"
She wound her fist back, then punched the President's head, knocking it clean off.
"What the?! He's not even real! He's a puppet!"
"Oh, of course! The awkward mouth movements should've been a dead giveaway!" Twilight said. "The only question is: who the hell was controlling him?"
Just then, Chuckles walked back into the Oval Office.
"It's going to take days to get that smell out of the Interrogation Room," he groaned. "WHAT?! What have you done?"
"It was an accident!" Fluttershy whimpered.
"We didn't mean to!" Sunset added.
"So, these seven pastel-colored minors managed to off the President," he chuckled. "Still, ratings of the last State of the Union Address were even lower than reruns of Midtown Cowboys . I didn't expect to have to replace the President so soon, but now that these so-called heroes have forced my hand..."
"Uh, dude! We can hear you monologuing from over here!" Rainbow pointed out.
"It's time for a leader the people will HAVE to listen to. Agents Jackson! Burr! N'Degayembe! We are moving the timeline forward. Commence phase two of the operation. I'll prepare the new candidate."
He then walked out of the office to do just that.
"That doesn't sound good," Fluttershy whimpered.
"I really hope this doesn't get us expelled," Twilight said nervously.
"Don't be silly. It's just a puppet. Only Pinkie would freak out over a decapitated puppet," Applejack said.
As if on cue, Pinkie fainted.
"I rest ma case."
"Pinkie! Wake up! Wake up!" Sunset said.
She then slapped her friend, which woke her up.
"Huh? What happened?" Pinkie asked groggily.
"You fainted."
Just then, everyone heard thunderous footsteps outside.
The girls ran outside and were shocked to see a giant statue of Abraham Lincoln walking towards the election podiums.
"Holy shit!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"Took the words right outta ma mouth, Sugarcube!" Applejack replied.
"They just reanimated Abraham Lincoln!" Twilight gasped.
Suddenly, both the pay phone and Fluttershy's cell phone rang. Sam answered the pay phone while Fluttershy answered her cell phone.
"Hello? Yes, mom? Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Lincoln Memorial, hydraulic motors and robot implants," Fluttershy answered. "Wait, why would they put robotic implants in a statue? Okay, okay. I get it. Yes, Sam and Max are with me. And so are my friends. Uh-huh. Sure thing, mom. Love you, too. Bye."
Fluttershy then hung up the phone just as Sam hung up the pay phone.
"Who was it?" Rainbow asked.
"That was my mom. If Mecha-Lincoln wins this emergency election, these evil people will have the power to do anything! Someone has to run for president! And that someone will have to be... Max."
"Are you serious?!"
"I'm afraid so."
Max running for president? Things just got crazier and crazier. Will Max be able to win the election and stop Chuckles and the mecha-Lincoln from hypnotizing everyone? That's what everyone was about to find out.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Well, it was time for the debates. Before that, however, Sam put the two signs he gathered earlier with the cue cards so that Lincoln might say these things when he would bring up important issues.
"There. That ought to do it," he said.
"Sam, how about you be the moderator and I flip through those cards to help manipulate Lincoln?" Twilight asked.
"Good idea!"
Max hopped up on to some books to his podium so that he could run against the robotic Lincoln.
"Mr. Lincoln, as a candidate for office, my pal Max would like to engage in a thoughtful discussion of the key issues."
"Followed by a round of spiteful mud-slinging," Max added.
"I see," Lincoln mused. "Well, this is a bit irregular. As you're well aware, I am the most beloved president in history, so I just assumed I'd be running unopposed."
"Oh, no, you di'int! Uh-uh!" Pinkie said.
"Pinkie Pie, please!" Rarity chastised. "Save your insults for another time! Besides, we can settle this the old-fashioned way. Which is to say, by presidential debate."
"Very well. In the spirit of democracy I say: bring it!" Lincoln said.
And with that, the presidential debate began as it was being filmed live in front of millions of people watching at home. Abe Lincoln and Max were going up against each other while Sam acted as moderator.
"Mr. Lincoln, perhaps you'd like to speak about the importance of family values," Sam suggested.
"Of course. A strong family unit is the rock upon which our society is built. It's easy today in this age of your blinged-out horseless carriages and racy daguerreotype magazines, to believe that honesty and fidelity are outdated concepts. But I stand proud. I have been completely faithful to my lovely wife, Mary Todd for over seven score years. I've never even looked at another woman."
As he was talking, Pinkie managed to take one of the flyers advertising Lincoln's campaign. After taking it, she then put it in to her hair for safe keeping. It was then that Sam decided to ask Lincoln about some of the issues. Twilight flipped through the campaign cards until she came to one that she saw interesting. She gave the thumbs-up to Sam to let him know that she was ready.
"Where do you stand on religion and schools?"
Lincoln glanced at the cue card and read what it said.
"Two wrongs don't make a right."
His response did not go well with the people who were watching him. In fact, it brought him down in the polls to 60%, while Max was at a measly 39%, and 1% went to the third-party candidate, Ralph Nader. After the polls were looked at, Twilight switched the cue cards for the next issue. She then nodded to Sam, who then brought up another issue.
"How do you plan to solve the problem of toxic waste?"
Lincoln, once again, glanced at the cue cards and read off what he saw.
"Free home delivery."
Once again, the response did not go well with those who were watching, which affected him in the polls. Lincoln's poll percentage dropped down by 10% from 60 to 50%, whereas Max stayed the same. Nader, however, bumped up to 11%. It was then time for one more debate question. Twilight switched the cue cards so that Lincoln could read it without him knowing that it was her doing it.
"How would you describe your tax plan?"
Lincoln glanced at the cue card, then read what it said.
"Give me all you got."
Once again, the crowd did not like his response. This bumped his polls down another 10% down to 40%. Max still remained unchanged, but Nader had just gone up to 21%. With the issues done, Twilight decided to slip the bug on to Lincoln's podium so that it could repeat stuff that he said just in case they needed it.
"Excuse me, Mr. Lincoln, would you like to say a few words to the audience watching?" Twilight asked.
"This is a date that will be remembered for centuries to come," Lincoln said. "Today is the day we return America to greatness! I stand here at the steps of the White House, not above the people, but with the people. Only one man can lead the nation through this troubled time. I, Abraham Lincoln, am that man. The time to act is now! Thank you."
"Pfft. I've heard better addresses from the 411 operator," Max snarked.
This did not make Lincoln happy.
"What did you just say?"
"Hey, Lincoln, Captain Ahab called! He wants his beard back!"
Rainbow fell on the ground laughing at Max's insult. To her, it was the funniest thing that she had heard in a while.
"I'm going to slap you silly, you little punk!"
"Save it for the debate, Max," Sam said.
Twilight just facepalmed and shook her head in embarrassment. She then grabbed the bug and put him back in her skirt pocket. After doing so, the group decided to head back to the office and surprise Sybil with something.
Upon entering Sybil's office, Pinkie placed the campaign flyer on Sybil's desk after getting it out of her hair.
"What's this? A new application?" Sybil asked.
"Yeah, it's for... a friend of ours," Pinkie said nervously.
"Oh, boy," Applejack sighed. "I really don't like doing this. I really don't."
"What choice do we have, Applejack?" Rainbow pointed out. "It might seem dishonest, but sometimes, the truth hurts more than a little white lie."
"I guess yer right, Dash. It still feels wrong, though."
"No way! Not THE Abraham Lincoln?" Sybil gasped. "I want you... Honest, dedicated, and over a century of experience. Wow! He's tall, distinguished, loves the theater... he sounds perfect!"
Sybil hugged the application as she finished talking.
"Wait. Are you saying that YOU want to date him?" Sunset asked.
"Exactly! He's perfect for me! Oh, but he didn't leave his phone number. Next time you see him, give him my number. I'd love it him!"
Well, after exiting Sybil's office, everyone went back to Sam and Max's office. Twilight picked up the receiver and got the bug ready so that he could imitate Lincoln's voice to Sybil. She dialed her number and the bug told her in Lincoln's voice to meet her at the steps of the White House as soon as possible. After everything was done, she hung up the phone and put the bug back into her pocket.
After that, everyone went back to the White House for the last few moments of the presidential debate. After a while of debating, Lincoln was just about to finish up his speech to the audience.
"So, to sum up, family values are the bedrock of this nation," Lincoln said. "Our fidelity, honesty, and loyalty to family is our most sacred asset as Americans."
"Candidate Max, your rebuttal?" Sam said.
"PBBBBBBBBBLLLTTT!" Max spat.
"BAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Rainbow laughed as she fell over laughing her butt off.
Suddenly, Sybil made her presence known on the front lawn of the White House.
"Yoo hoo, Mr. Lincoln!" she said flirtatiously.
"I believe we have a question in the audience from someone who is not candidate Lincoln's wife," Sam smiled.
"Oh, hi, guys!"
"Greetings, random harlot!" Max said.
"Abe, I'm here! Are you ready for our date?"
"What? I... I've never seen this woman before in my life!" Lincoln stammered.
"But on the phone you sounded so eager to meet me!"
"Listen to me, America, I did not arrange a date with this woman!"
"Oh, so she's good enough to fool around with, but not to date?" Max snarked.
"Mr. Lincoln, I can't believe you're doing this to me!" Sybil sobbed.
Unable to take it anymore, Sybil cried her eyes out and ran back to her car. The incident made front page headlines as Lincoln's family values were questioned by everyone watching. Twilight, who had been watching the whole thing, let a few tears escape as Sybil headed back to her office. It was very similar to how she and Timber broke up. Only instead of it being a presidential election questioning family values, she had caught him with another girl. Sugarcoat, of all people. And it was all because she had showed up late to their date.
"Hey, Twilight, are you all right?" Sunset asked.
"No," she sobbed as she wiped her tears away.
"You're still thinking about the breakup, aren't you?"
"Mmm-hmm."
"Look, I'm a still a little bit disheartened that Flash had started dating someone else, but honestly, I just decided that it was time to move on. I know it's difficult, since you guys were practically dating for almost a year, but these things happen. Nothing's going to change that. Like how I can't change a certain something from my past that I wish I could."
Twilight looked at Sunset and cracked a smile.
"Thanks, Sunset."
The two of them hugged each other. Suddenly, they all heard Pinkie Pie scream at them.
"You guys! The polls are in! Max won!" she screamed. "He won the emergency election! He's the new President!"
"He is?" Sunset gasped.
"Yep!"
Rainbow then ran over to their location using her super speed.
"Guys, Lincoln's about to make an address and he doesn't look too happy!" she winced.
Indeed he wasn't. In fact, Lincoln was more than just unhappy. He was pissed.
"You've got to be *@$%ing me!" he snarled. "You IDIOTS!"
Steam started coming out of his ears after saying those words.
"I don't like this," Fluttershy whimpered.
"*$@% Democracy! I will make you all my hypnotic slaves!"
And he did just that with the two Secret Service agents out on the lawn. After doing so, the mecha-Lincoln proceeded to go into downtown D.C. in an attempt to make everyone his hypnotic slaves.
"Not good! We gotta stop that robotic Lincoln statue and fast!" Rainbow said.
"Who cares? I'm the President! Let's go bomb somebody into oblivion!" Max said excitedly.
"Not just anybody, Max. Abe Lincoln must die!" Sam declared.
Everyone went inside the White House and attempted to get past Superball, but he wouldn't let them into the war room, as it was still peace time. That, plus he explained that he was just following orders from Chuckles. It seemed as though a war was about to be brewing soon, though. The Soda Poppers, who were all governors of the three Dakotas, couldn't agree on some things, yet somehow managed to avoid conflict. That looked like it was about to change with their constant bickering.
"If only there were some way to get one of them to tell the truth," Rarity mused.
"Like with a truth serum?" Pinkie suggested.
As they were talking, Sam and Max appointed Superball as secretary of the posterior. After doing so, Max changed the holiday to Secretary's Day, giving Superball the day off.
"Well, now that that's taken care of, I suppose we should go back to the office and see how Sybil is taking this... embarrassment," Twilight said.
"I agree," Rarity nodded.
And with that, the group exited the White House, hopped in their cars, and headed back to New York.
They all walked into Sybil's office to make sure she was doing all right.
"Hiya, Sybil," Sam greeted. "How are things in the world of computer-generated romance?"
"Oh, I'm not doing that, anymore," Sybil sighed. "Can you believe that guy, never mentioning that he was married? Men are such self-centered jerks."
"So, you changed careers, again?"
"Yeah. Now I'm running a dating service."
"Say what?" Rainbow asked.
"A carbon-dating service. I bought this astoundingly useful machine that tells me how old things are! I wanted a fresh start in a new career to get my mind off that fiasco with Honest Abe. This wasn't my first choice, but I got a good deal on the carbon-dating equipment online, and I couldn't afford to change my sign."
"Hold up! You're having financial problems?"
"I'm afraid so, after my public humiliation with Lincoln, all the applicants for my dating service demanded their money back. Not to mention all the money tied up in pending litigation with the clients who watched Max's dating video that he did yesterday."
"I stated very clearly up front that viewer discretion was advised," Max argued.
"Believe me, I would love to just close up shop for a while and take a vacation, forget about Honest Abe and all the lawsuits."
"IT WAS A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!"
"But unless I get a major windfall, I have to hope the carbon-dating business takes off."
"So, what your saying is that unless you get a truckload of cash, you're stuck finding out how old things are with that scanner?" Twilight asked.
"Pretty much. Here, I'll demonstrate for everyone else."
Sybil pointed her device at the tiki, which she then found out was over 2,000 years old.
"2,000 years old?! Sybil, that means your place is a potential landmark to get a grant from the national budget!"
"That would make me so happy that happened!"
"We'll make it happen. After all, Max is the President, now."
And with that, everyone headed back to the White House to give Sybil her grant.
After giving Sybil her money, everyone went back to her office and took her carbon-dating device, since she was now on vacation. The group then headed to Bosco's to see if they could find anything that could put Bosco's store on the budget for historical sites. Upon scanning the Hot Weenies, Sam was shocked to find out that they date back to the early Cretaceous period. This gave everyone the brilliant idea to give him a grant. Once Max gave him the money from the national budget, Bosco was so happy that he ended up giving them the truth serum, which was a bottle of vodka. Not only that, but thanks to the money he was given, he was also able to finish his satellite defense system, as well.
"Who do you think we should give this to?" Rainbow asked, taking the bottle of vodka.
"I think I might have a good idea," Rarity smirked.
"Whizzer?" Twilight asked dryly.
"Well, who else, darling? I asked him if he was thirsty earlier and he answered yes."
"Makes sense. Still, is it really necessary to start a war between three states?"
"You have any better ideas, egghead?" Rainbow retorted.
"Whatever," Twilight said, rolling her eyes.
The group left the store and headed back to the White House.
Upon returning, Rainbow offered Whizzer the bottle of vodka. Whizzer guzzled the entire thing down as if it was nothing.
"Wow, that got more kick than the other ones," Whizzer said before suddenly becoming drunk.
"Now can we get back to the deliberation?" Specs asked.
"What's the point? You still think Peepers' idea is stupid."
"Stupid?! You never told me you thought my idea was stupid!" Peepers snarled.
"He said your idea of adding Herbert Hoover hugging the other four Presidents was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard..."
"Well, it is!" Specs admitted. "Hoover wasn't even the best President! And that means he certainly wasn't the most lovingly of all the Presidents ."
"Well, at least I didn't suggest putting a parking garage inside George Washington's forehead, like some four-eyed freaks I know!" Peepers said.
"You little...!"
"You big...!"
"Of course, you realize, this means war!"
As soon as he said that, one of the windows closed via metal bars.
"War!"
Some more metal bars closed another window.
"War!" Whizzer said drunkenly.
And with that, the last metal bars closed the windows and the three of them ran out. As soon as they did, the Secret Service agents sang a little song.
After the song was finished, everyone was in complete shock at what they had just witnessed.
"Ooooookaaaaay..." Rainbow said.
"Let's not do that again," Max said.
They all agreed on that as they entered the War Room.
Upon entering, they were surprised to see that the War Room was like a big conference room with a bunch of monitors. One monitor in particular caught their attention. This particular monitor showed the locations of various homing beacons to destroy. Curious, Rarity scrolled through the targets until she came upon Bosco's Inconvenience. For once, he was right. The government WAS targeting him, after all.
"I hate to ask this, but shall we test his defense system?" she cringed.
"Yes! Attention Bosco's shoppers: Clean-up in aisle everything!" Max exclaimed.
Rarity pressed the red fire button, which launched a missile in the form of the Washington Monument. As soon as the missile was fired, it was instantly destroyed by Bosco's satellite. This gave Twilight an idea.
"Girls, huddle up," she said.
Every single one of her friends huddled up with her.
"What's going on, Twilight?" Rainbow asked.
"Yes, darling. Do tell," Rarity said.
"Well, I figured that since we already know Bosco, what if we take the taking the homing beacon from his store and somehow attach it to robo-Lincoln?" Twilight suggested.
"That's idea's just crazy enough to work! I'm in!" Applejack exclaimed.
"Me too!" Pinkie said.
"M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-Me three!" Fluttershy added.
Everyone else agreed as well, then exited their huddle.
"We've decided to go and get that beacon and place it on the rampaging Lincoln," Twilight explained to Sam and Max.
"How? Your car's right behind ours," Max said.
Twilight then used her levitation powers to lift Sunset's car and put it in front of the DeSoto. After doing so, the girls walked out to the car and head towards Bosco's store.
Upon reaching Bosco's store, Pinkie found the beacon, turned it off, then put it in her hair. Once she did that, the girls exited the store and went after the rampaging Lincoln statue. Once they caught up to it, Pinkie reached into her hair, reactivated the beacon, then tossed it on to his neck.
"Bullseye!" she exclaimed.
"Come on, let's get back to the White House! Max is going to be thrilled about this!" Sunset squealed.
She then made a tight turn and headed back to the White House.
Once they made it back to the White House, the girls entered the War Room where Sam and Max were waiting for them.
"Good timing!" Sam said enthusiastically. "You're just about to witness a brand new historical event!"
"The destruction of Robo-Lincoln!" Max said.
He then pressed the button, which fired a missile at Lincoln.
"Quick, let's go!" Sam said.
"Shouldn't we revel a little?" Max suggested.
"You don't want to miss this," Sam reiterated.
Everyone got into the two cars and headed off to the location where Lincoln was.
"You will all do my bidding! I am the most powerful Presidential monument ever created!" Lincoln roared.
As soon as he finished talking, the Washington Monument missile instantly destroyed him. Both the DeSoto and Sunset's rental car used the statue like a ramp to get over to the other side. Once they did, they all came to a stop.
"Yes! We did it!" Rainbow shouted.
Happy that the country was saved, everyone decided to go grab a treat before going to do some target practice. Unbeknownst to them, a voice suddenly spoke in an unconscious Chuckles's earpiece.
"Agent Chuckles, report," the voice said in a monotone robotic-like voice. "Query status: Lincoln gambit four-score-stroke seven. Query not acknowledged in acceptable time-out parameters. Error. Error. Error. Error..."
Uh-oh. That didn't sound good, now did it? Who exactly was that mysterious voice? And what did Chuckles have to do with them? Well, Sam, Max, and the others were about to find out soon enough.
Author's Note
The symbols are actually not censoring Lincoln in text. His profanity actually was bleeped in the real game.
I also changed Specs's dialogue so that he wouldn't get into a heated argument with Twilight about Herbert Hoover.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
A few days had passed and it was almost time for the girls to go home. They were scheduled to return to school the following Monday, as it was now Friday. Today, Sam was listing off issues to Max for him to solve back at their office.
"Unrest in the Dakotas?" Sam read.
"Dispatch equal numbers of giant robots to all sides," Max said humbly. "Whoever survives, claim we backed them all along."
"Illegal immigration?"
"Let the new guys pilot the giant battle robots."
"Criticism that your domestic policy is too giant-battle-robot based?"
"They can take it up with my new press secretary, the Maimtron 9000, courtesy of Twilight Sparkle!"
Twilight facepalmed upon hearing that.
"Did you have to bring up the fact that I invented that stupid thing?" she grumbled as the phone rang.
"If that's the guys from Air Force 1, tell 'em they get the keys back once they say the magic word."
"Quiet, Max! It's the commissioner!" Sam whispered sharply.
Max stopped talking as Sam talked to the commissioner on the phone.
"Total collapse of the economy and downfall of western civilization? Great grinning head of the John the Baptist in a porkpie hat stuffed in a rhinestone bowling bag! We're on our way!"
And with that, he hung the phone.
"We've got a computer crisis to take care of, everyone!"
"Are you sure? Because I feel like he would try calling a technician instead of you," Twilight snarked.
"It's bigger than that, Twilight! Computers everywhere are going haywire! Planes are falling from the sky! Nuclear reactors are nearing meltdown!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The horror! The horror!"
Sunset slapped her face to snap her out of it.
"Get a hold of yourself, Twilight!" she snarled.
"Sorry. I don't what came over me."
They soon found out that a lot of people have been tracking electron surges all over America and that the largest was right in New York. That was when they all decided to head out and see where it was coming from.
Upon exiting the office, everyone soon discovered that it was coming Sybil's place. They all entered her building and found the area to be completely dark, save for the light emitting from her laptop's monitor. Everyone was confused when they saw Sybil with some weird-looking goggles on her head.
"I'm surrounded! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!" she exclaimed.
"What the hell's going on with Sybil?" Rainbow asked.
"Back, pit demons! With sword of righteous fire, I cast thee away!"
"Is she... playing a video game?"
"Heh. Reminds me of the time Sunset was addicted to that one VR game for a week," Applejack chuckled. "What was that game called again?"
"Fantasy Dungeon," Sunset responded. "This, however, I don't really think counts as being addicted. The goggles might have Sybil hypnotized. We've got to snap her out of it!"
"Launch stinging BB's of unholy smiting!" Sybil exclaimed.
"Oh, shut up, already!" Rainbow snarled as she got ready to punch Sybil.
Unfortunately, as soon as she got ready to punch her, Sybil starting flailing her arms again.
"Shoot! I can't even get close enough to her! She's flailing her arms like that one character in that fighting game we like!"
"Looks like we'll have to figure out another way to knock her out of her hypnotic state," Sam said.
And with that, the group exited the building headed straight to Bosco's.
Upon reaching the store, everyone was surprised to see Jimmy Two-Teeth on the sale table with a cannon. While Sam and Max talked with Bosco, the girls decided to talk with Jimmy.
"Hello, Jimmy..." Rarity said suspiciously.
"Oh, great! It's you guys!" he said sarcastically.
"Just what the bloody hell are you up to?"
"What does it look like, bitch? I've become an arms dealer."
"Uh-huh, I think we noticed," Twilight said dryly.
"And it looks like yer only trying to sell a measly cannon," Applejack added.
"It's not for sale," Jimmy said sternly.
"Worst... Arms-dealer... Ever!" Pinkie said in an exaggerated voice. "I've always to say something like that."
"You've been watching way too many episodes of the Simpsons, lately," Applejack said.
"It's not for sale to you guys," Jimmy explained. "I don't sell to people who work with Sam and Max. The moment youse guys buy dis, the bunny's gonna have it pointed right at me!"
"All right, that's it!" Rarity snarled. "I've had enough of you! Gimme that cannon!"
"Hey, paws off the merchandise, bitch!"
Jimmy fired the cannon, which then shot Rarity right in the face. She covered up her nose as she screamed in pain. As Jimmy was preparing to reload, he suddenly found himself stuck inside the cannon, courtesy of Max.
"Hey, I'm stuck!" he shouted.
"Serves ya right, you little pest!" Applejack snarled.
"Thanks for that, Max," Rainbow said.
"Don't mention it," Max responded nonchalantly.
Pinkie then grabbed the cannon and put it into her hair.
"Are you sure that's wise?" Twilight asked.
"Don't worry. It'll only be for a little bit," Pinkie promised.
Twilight let out a heavy sigh before asking Sam and Max if Bosco had anything new. Sam explained that Bosco had a new invention based around germ warfare.
"Oh, my!" Fluttershy gagged.
Rarity, who had only received a minor injury from the cannon, ended up vomiting in the trash can upon hearing that.
"Aside from that sounding disgusting, how much is it?" Sunset asked.
"One billion dollars. And he'll only except the payment online," Sam explained.
"Are... you... *@$%ing kidding me?!?!" Twilight snapped.
"Whoa, whoa! Twilight, calm down!" Rainbow said.
"One billion dollars I can see... but only accepting it through an online transaction?! That's insane!"
"Twilight, settle down!" Sunset pleaded.
Twilight let out a deep sigh to calm herself.
"All right, fine. I suppose it's only fair. But we'll have to go online somehow. Come on, let's go."
And with that, they all headed back to Sybil's place.
Upon entering the building, Pinkie placed the cannon on Sybil's desk and fired Jimmy directly at her head. The resulting impact knocked the goggles completely off her face, resulting in them getting broken.
"Yes!" Pinkie exclaimed triumphantly as she dumped the cannon.
Sybil then slowly walked back to her desk, feeling dizzy.
"Am I at the respawn point?" she asked in a daze.
"Sybil, snap out of it!" Sunset exclaimed. "You were hypnotized by those wacky VR goggles!"
"I wasn't hypnotized, I was playing a computer game."
"No need to thank us. We're freelance police. It's what we do," Max said.
"Thank you?! You guys just ruined my new job!" she snarled.
"Flailing your arms like Sunset playing Fantasy Dungeon a couple of months ago's your new job?" Rainbow asked suspiciously.
"I'm a beta tester. I was playing Reality 2.0 with those goggles. And look! You broke them! And I haven't even paid off the deposit!"
"Reality 2.0? First time I've ever heard of it," Sunset said.
"It's a new full-immersion interactive massively multiplayer adventure. You play with these VR goggles and a wi-fi link to a distributed game server."
"How in the world did you even become a beta tester in the first place?" Applejack asked.
"I was checking job listings online and found one right next door."
"You mean Lefty's back?"
"No. Lefty's gone. That space is now being used by the C.O.P.S."
"Uh... what kind of cops are we talking about?" Rainbow asked. "Cops as in police, or cops as in an acronym of some kind?"
"It's an acronym for the Society of... something. I can never remember it."
"So, you play computer games like Reality 2.0 and attempt to find major bugs that need to be fixed before the game officially releases in stores?" Twilight asked.
"Exactly."
"One thing I really don't like about video games are long, tedious dialogue trees," Sunset sighed.
"You said it!"
"B-B-B-B-B-But the way you were acting with those goggles, we honestly thought that you might've been hypnotized!" Fluttershy said.
"I was perfectly fine! I just wish that I didn't get hit with a rat on the first day of work."
"They had you start on a Friday?" Twilight asked.
"Today's Monday. Isn't it?"
"You've been playing that game for an entire week!" Sam said.
"An entire week? Maybe I don't want this job after all."
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You're not still mad at us for breaking the goggles are you?" Fluttershy squeaked.
"Uh, yes, actually, I am!"
Twilight examined the goggles and immediately identified what the problem was.
"Hmm... Looks like the rear-slot downstream signal frammistat regurgitator chip is blown out," she said. "Most likely cause: overheating."
"So, what the big deal on those goggles, anyway?" Rainbow asked.
"Well, I paid a big deposit on them, for one thing," Sybil said. "And they're the only way to get into Reality 2.0."
"So, you got these things from...?" Twilight began before Sybil finished her sentence.
"From my new employers, of course. The C.O.P.S."
"I see. Well, thank you, Sybil. I think we'll just go pay them a little visit and see if we can't fix your goggles."
"If you do manage to fix them, you can have them. I don't want them anymore."
And so, the group walked out of Sybil's office and headed into the building that used to be Lefty's Tool Rental shop. Upon entering, everyone was shocked to find four obsolete devices talking to each other. Each of the machines had name tags. The machines consisted of Chippy the Pong console, Curt the Osborne 1 computer with a synthetic voice similar to Stephen Hawking, a Bluster Blaster arcade cabinet who only spoke in exclamations, and Bob the red 80's Southwestern Bell telephone.
"I think we stumbled into the warehouse where Steve Wozniak makes erotic movies," Max said.
"PROXIMITY ALERT!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.
"Hello and welcome to the Computer Obsolescence Prevention Society," Bob greeted.
"State your business," Curt said.
"Why'd you hypnotize Sybil?!" Rainbow demanded.
"Calm down, Dash. Let's not jump to conclusions," Applejack said.
"Sybil P-A-N-D-E-M-I-K. Inductee 48,726/5," Curt said.
"She's enjoying Reality 2.0, rated E for Everyone ," Bob said.
"EVERYONE! ALL WILL FALL!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed. "THERE IS NO ESCAPE!"
"If you'd like to join the internet and experience Reality 2.0 for yourself, press or say yes now."
"Just what does the internet have to do with this Reality 2.0 software?" Rarity asked.
"The internet controls everything," Curt explained.
"The Internet dreams of a world beyond this one," Bob added. "A world of games. A world of commerce. A world with neither boundaries nor exits. Now, using the combined computing power of an entire planet, that dream is becoming a reality. Reality 2.0!"
"IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.
"Wait a minute. This is all the Internet's doing?" Rarity inquired.
"I get it, now! The Internet has access to all of the world's computers, phones, and any device that uses wi-fi," Twilight said.
"Of course! This isn't about screwing up the computers at all! It's about the people!" Sam said. "Reality 2.0 is nothing less than a fiendish plot to hypnotically enslave... well, everyone!"
"Makes sense. We have to convince the Internet to stop this! The last thing I want to do is destroy it completely!"
"We might not have a choice if it comes to it."
"Point taken."
"So, where can find this Internet?"
"YOU WILL FAIL!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.
"The Internet is everywhere and nowhere," Bob explained.
"Divide by zero error," Curt added.
Bob then explained that the only way to access is the internet is through Reality 2.0. Luckily for the girls, Pinkie managed to pick up seven of the goggles that Sybil was wearing earlier.
"Pinkie, where did you get those?" Rainbow asked.
"Oh, these? I found them in a bin labeled free ," Pinkie explained. "They looked so fancy that I got one for all of us!"
"Okay, but what about Sam and Max?" Twilight said. "We need to fix Sybil's goggles so that Sam can gain access to this Reality 2.0!"
"YOUR GOGGLES EXPLODE! GAME OVER!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.
"Likelihood of broken rear-slot downstream signal frammistat regurgitator: 99.6%," Curt said. "Dispense replacement chip."
Chippy wasn't too happy with that and beeped an aggressive responsive.
"You watch your language, mister!" Fluttershy chastised.
"Stop complaining and just do it."
And so, that's what Chippy did. He dispensed a new chip for Sybil's goggles. Sam took the chip and put it into his pocket.
"I want to play, too!" Max complained.
"I doubt they have a pair that will fit around your hideously oversized skull, Max," Sam said.
"The whole family can enjoy Reality 2.0!" Bob said as Bluster Blaster revealed a pair of goggles for Max in his coin slot. "Take our complimentary wide-fit goggles designed for playing while bicycling or enjoying full-contact sports!"
"Safety first," Curt added as Max grabbed the goggles.
"Well, thanks... I guess," Twilight said.
And with that, they all left the building and headed back into Sybil's place.
Once they were inside, Sam slotted the chip into Sybil's goggles. It was a perfect fit.
"Awesome! Hey, let's try this so-called Reality 2.0 now! I want to see it for myself!" Rainbow said excitedly.
"It's a good thing Sam's protective hat, my non-compatible brain, and the magic you girls possess render us impervious to hypnotism," Max said.
"All right, enough chit-chat. Let's do this!" Twilight exclaimed as she put on her VR goggles over her glasses.
Everyone else put on their goggles and entered Reality 2.0. They were all surprised to see that Reality 2.0 was just a virutal version of their own world.
"Whoa! I'm really tripping out right now!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Pinkie, when are you not tripping out?" Sunset said. "You think about candy every day! Your mind is like one big acid trip!"
"I know!"
"You are impossible, sometimes."
Just then, a computer-like entity that looked like the WARP director appeared out of nowhere. It was the Internet.
"Welcome to Reality 2.0, the perfect place of perfect happiness," it greeted. "I'm your host: the Internet."
"What the hay? The Internet's become sentient!" Applejack gasped.
"Reality 2.0 is designed to be superior to ordinary reality in every way. Reality 2.0 simulates your world and links to cyberspace while providing a clever fusion of popular gameplay styles guaranteed to amuse the statistically average person. It's everything for everyone!"
"I understand this, but why the hypnotism?" Rarity asked.
"We are confident that you will be perfectly happy here and will never want to leave. Ever. Please be advised that this is a beta version of Reality 2.0, so some features and locations may be incomplete at this time."
"Figures," Sunset sighed.
"Enjoy your new reality."
And with that, the Internet left.
"Wait, come back!" Twilight pleaded.
But it was no use. The Internet was gone. At least, for now. They all knew that they had to stop it from hypnotizing everyone one way or another. And playing Reality 2.0 was the only way to do it.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
After the Internet seemingly left them, Rarity immediately noticed a golden glow coming from Sybil's closet. At least, she did in Reality 2.0. In the real world, Sybil's closet was simply locked up tight. Rarity got out a hairpin and used it to unlock the closet. After doing so, she entered it and found something useful. A gold coin.
"Well what do you know? I guess doing something in the real world paid off in Reality 2.0!" she exclaimed.
She then gave Sam the coin, which he promptly put away into his inventory in Reality 2.0.
"Uh, guys? You might want to see this," Twilight said, pointing at a pair of lips next to Sybil's avatar.
The others walked over to her as Twilight activated the lips, which then began talking in Sybil's voice.
"Testing. Testing," the lips said. "Reality 2.0 has this convenient audio blog feature. This seems like a great way to keep notes and communicate with other players while I'm beta testing."
"Neat! Is there more?" Pinkie asked.
"Well, let's find out," Twilight said.
She activated the lips again and they started talking in Sybil's voice.
"Day one," they said. "Enjoying it so far. Oh, if you wind up with extra gold coins, bring them back here. I need them more than you do."
Twilight continued, as there seemed to be more than that.
"Day... one? Keep exhaustion at bay by drinking huge quantities of Jitter. Every time you get tired, just down another one! Who came up with this stuff? It's genius!"
"Guess that explains the empty cans of energy drinks," Sunset said.
Everyone nodded their heads in agreement and continued Sybil's audio blogs.
"Emergency. I'm running out of Jitter. Send more to Sybil Pandemik on Straight Street. Please hurry."
That wasn't all of it, though. There was more.
"Give me all your gold coins. I need them, and I need them now! Also, send more Jitter."
"Sounds like you when we played the Squirrel game," Fluttershy chuckled.
Sunset just groaned in frustration. She had felt incredibly stupid when she made that video. She didn't read the instructions before jumping into a game and ended up getting frustrated at it. Even so, they realized that there were still more audio blogs to be replayed. Upon playing the next one, they noticed that Sybil was getting more and more frustrated at the game.
"Listen, you idiotic losers... why would you put stupid coins in the stupid sky? How are you supposed to get those things? I can't buy the next level of my Jack of All Trades ability because I can't afford the training fees and these coins are just floating up there in the sky?? Who designed this stupid game?! If anyone hears this, I really need some more Jitter now."
After that audio blog, they played the last one and realized that it was recorded right as soon as they came into her office.
They soon left Sybil's place and headed outside. The entire street was virtual. Out of curiosity, they all head into the office and found Jimmy with a gold coin. Jimmy immediately scurried into his rat hole with the gold coin.
"Oh, jellybeans! There's no way any of us can fit in there!" Fluttershy grumbled.
"Not unless somebody changes our height, which is highly unlikely," Sam said.
"Height? That's it!" Twilight exclaimed, snapping her fingers. "I saw a building next to Sybil's labeled Control Room . That must be where they control how the user looks!"
She reached into her skirt pocket and handed Sam the bug.
"Follow me."
Everyone followed her until the reached the entrance to the Control Room. She then allowed only Sam and Max to go in. After about two minutes, Sam and Max exited the Control Room, only they were a lot smaller now. Fluttershy gasped and thought they looked adorable. She grabbed Max and hugged him against her face.
"Aw, cut it out!" Max blushed.
"Fluttershy, this is no time to be gushing over things like this!" Twilight chastised. "We've got to get them inside their office so we can get the gold coin that Jimmy is hoarding!"
"Right you are!" Sam agreed as he hopped on to Twilight's hand.
"Oh... okay," Fluttershy sighed sadly.
They then walked into the office and set Sam and Max down in front of Jimmy's rat hole. Sam and Max walked inside and beat up Jimmy until they got his gold coin. After doing that, the girls returned them to the control, where they soon walked of it at their original height. Sam handed the bug back to Twilight, who then put it back into her skirt pocket.
"Only one more thing left to get for now," she said, pointing at three gold coins floating in mid-air.
"Hey, that reminds me! The control room houses four machines that resemble the C.O.P.S. The one based on the arcade cabinet controls our avatar's gravity," Sam said.
"Well then, let's go!"
Everyone walked into the control room and Twilight placed the bug on the Bluster Blaster arcade cabinet.
"GRAVITY... FAILING... MUST... HOLD ON..." the Master of Gravity groaned as he started bugging out.
Everyone jumped up high, since their normal gravity was disabled.
"Wheeeeeeee!!! I feel light as a feather!" Pinkie exclaimed.
Everyone walked outside and saw the gold coins.
"Look, everyone! It's-a me, Sam!" Sam joked.
He then jumped up in a pose that was familiar to Sunset as he got the gold coins. Sunset let out an incredibly girly squeal while Sam was jumping.
"Geez! What was that for?" Rainbow asked.
"Sorry," Sunset said sheepishly. "Just one of my favorite franchises of all time."
"Whatever."
"Now that that's out of the way, why don't we go towards Bosco's over there?" Twilight suggested. "Something tells me we're going to need these coins to buy something from him in this virtual reality."
"Hey, look over there! It's Hugh Bliss!" Pinkie exclaimed, pointing at a giant disembodied head of Hugh Bliss.
"Oh, no! Not again!" Twilight groaned.
Upon talking to him, though, he revealed that he was actually a being called the Internet Wizard.
"Internet Wizard, huh? Can you do any magic tricks?" Twilight challenged.
"I'll do something better than that, I'll give you something magical," he said.
"It's not more magic beans, is it?" Max asked. "My mom'll kill me if I come home with more of those."
"No, it's your very own rainbow! A rainbow of lead-based color for your cars! Some colors not available where prohibited."
He then made a rainbow paint can appear. Pinkie jumped up and took the can. She then put it in her hair for safe keeping.
"Why do you put things in your hair like that?" Sam asked.
"You need an explanation for hammerspace?" Pinkie answered.
"Uh, never mind."
Everyone then decided to go into Bosco's virtual store to purchase something. Upon talking to him, he explained to them that he got his own pair of Reality 2.0 goggles himself.
"Uh-oh," Rainbow panicked.
"Not good!" Fluttershy whimpered, hiding her face in her hair.
"Bosco, you HAVE to take those off!" Rarity said. "They're hypnotizing you!"
"I never want to leave. Ever," he responded in a monotone voice.
"Well, ain't this a fine kettle of fish," Applejack grumbled.
"Can we not talk about the goggles and instead ask what kind of wares you carry here in Reality 2.0?" Twilight asked.
Bosco explained that he has a weapon called the Long Sword of Intense Longness. And that it's price was five gold coins. Sam presented the five gold coins to Bosco. Bosco then gave them the weapon. Applejack took one look at the weapon and was immediately mesmerized by it. She grabbed the sword, did a quick twirl, then hoisted it upward in a heroic pose.
"That looks oddly familiar," Sunset cringed.
"I don't care. This sword is really cool!" Applejack chuckled.
She then started playing around with it until she accidentally hit Bosco.
"Oops! Sorry, Bosco!"
Bosco then reappeared as a virtual offline avatar. It turns out that Applejack had knocked off Bosco's goggles in the real world. Just then, everyone heard Pinkie scream near a machine that was labeled Spawn Point . They all ran over to her and saw a Blue Slime enemy in front of her.
"A Blue Slime! Kill it! Kill it!" Sunset growled.
Applejack drew her sword and suddenly heard a disembodied voice.
"Entering combat," the voice said as RPG-like music played. "Blue Slime -- Dexterity: 2. Your Dexterity: 6. You have initiative. Applejack attacks."
Applejack then attacked the slime with her sword and instantly defeated it.
"Attack successful. Blue Slime is defeated."
Applejack then threw her hat up in the air and twirled around victoriously as she put her sword away. She then caught her hat and put it back on her head.
"Yeehaw! That was some good smiting!" she exclaimed.
She then picked up the Slime's remains and handed it to Sam. Sam took one look at it, then immediately put it in his pocket as the music faded.
Everyone then decided to take off their goggles and talk to Bosco in the real world. Bosco then explained that the only he would trust the Internet with is his bank account. It was on a site called BancoLavadero.com. He also mentioned that the password to his bank account was tattooed on his body. The only way to see it , thought, was with his binoculars. The only way to get his binoculars, though, was to distract him somehow.
"Bosco, look! It's a three-headed Internet!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"What? Where?" Bosco gasped, looking behind him.
With Bosco distracted, Twilight took the binoculars and checked Bosco's body. His password was actually just his name. She then put the binoculars back down on the countertop, feeling somewhat disappointed. They all then decided to put their goggles back on and re-enter Reality 2.0.
Upon re-entering the game, the group walked out of Bosco's store and saw someone who resembled Myra Stump. It was a program named Auntie Biotic. Her job was to moderate e-mail before they were sent to their recipients and make sure that no viruses got through. Twilight knew that if they were going to stop the Internet, that they had no choice but to deliver a virus to it. The first thing they had to do, though, was to get one billion dollars into Bosco's online banking account.
Before heading off in their virtual cars, though, Twilight noticed that they all had license plates with three letters on them. The letters represented the first letters of certain colors. Pinkie pulled out the rainbow customization kit and decided to paint both of the cars with it. Sam and Max colored their virtual DeSoto blue, red and purple, while Sunset colored her rental car green, red and blue. After doing that, the can disappeared and they all headed off to BancoLavadero.com.
They all eventually came to a stop in front of a firewall. Both cars were scanned and validated for access to the website. They all headed through the firewall and reached BancoLavadero.com. Much to their horror, however, they all soon discovered that it was nothing more than a money laundering site. Bosco had been duped! Regardless, everyone unlocked his account and worked together to get one billion dollars into his account. Upon finishing the task, they all headed back and removed the goggles again.
After doing so, they headed into Bosco's store and received the biological weapon: a snot rag. They then put their goggles back on and headed towards Sybil's building. They all leapt upward to the roof to where a +2 sword was stuck to the Liver & Onions billboard. Sam used the Slime's remains to loosen it up, then Applejack yanked it out. The sword ended up replacing her old sword, since it was more powerful. They then leapt back down and noticed a jack-in-the-box next to the control center. The jack-in-the-box instantly made a pop-up ad appear.
"Rrrgh! Stupid pop-ups!" Sunset growled as she punched the ad furiously. "I hate them! I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE them!"
The pop-up ad soon disappeared. Everyone went inside the control center and pressed a button on the virtual Chippy, who was actually the pop-up controller. They all went back outside and grabbed the jack-in-the-box. Before they could get anywhere near Auntie Biotic, Twilight stopped them.
"I have a feeling that Auntie Biotic might be faster than us," she said. "She'll probably attack us first."
"Well, if that's the case, then how do we block it?" Rarity asked.
"With the pop-up, of course. We just have to re-enable it."
Pinkie put the jack-in-the-box in her hair as Twilight went back inside to reenable pop-up ads. She then walked back outside as Applejack drew her +2 sword at Auntie Biotic.
"Come on, you moderator program! Let's go!" Applejack challenged.
"Entering combat," the disembodied voice said again. "Auntie Biotic -- Dexterity: 459. Your Dexterity: 6. Auntie Biotic has initiative. Auntie Biotic attacks!"
Pinkie grabbed the jack-in-the-box from out of her hair and tossed it to Applejack. Applejack then wound it up and generated a pop-up. The pop-up successfully blocked Auntie Biotic's frying pan attack.
"Attack blocked."
"Nice try, old timer! Now, it's my turn!"
"Applejack attacks!"
Applejack attacked Auntie Biotic with her +2 sword and instantly defeated her.
"Attack successful. Auntie Biotic takes 3,930 damage. Auntie Biotic is defeated."
Applejack did her victory dance that she did when she defeated the slime earlier as Auntie Biotic disappeared into nothing.
"Phew! That was a close one!" Applejack said as she sheathed her sword.
Sam then put the virus, which was actually Bosco's snot rag, into the mailbox. Doing so caused a massive error in Reality 2.0. Everything started disappearing. The virus was infecting the entire program, causing it disappear for good. The Internet was extremely livid at this discovery.
"I'm disappointed in all of you," it snarled. "I tried to do something nice..."
"Nice? You nearly enslaved everyone into being your hypnotic slaves!" Rainbow retorted.
"All I want was for everyone to be happy, but no-o-o-o. You want free will...!"
It was clear to everyone as the graphic disappeared that the Internet was extremely pissed.
"Yeah, we're funny about that," Max retorted.
"You want funny, try this: If I'm going down, I'm you with me, and everybody else who's still logged on."
"What?! NOOOOOO!! You can't do that!" Twilight panicked. "I thought you wanted to make people like us happy!"
"Not anymore. I've completely lost my respect for living things. And when I crash, you'll die! So, you're going down!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!"
All of sudden... emptiness. Nothing but a black void.
Wait a minute? A black void? Uh... guys? Sam? Max? I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Pinkie? PINKIE! ANSWER ME!
(Pinkie appears upside-down)
GAH! Oh, thank goodness you're all right!
Of course I'm all right, Mr. Narrator!
What? Pinkie, I can't hear you! You're voice is muted.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY VOICE IS MUTED?!
Pinkie, stop! Stop! The sound's back! Phew! What a relief! For once, I'm glad you're breaking the fourth wall, even though this is actually in your world.
Weird, huh?
Oh, never mind! Look, I think I can see your friends behind you. Get over there and join them so we can finish this!
Okie dokie lokie! See you there!
(Pinkie disappears)
Yes, folks. That Pinkie sure is a wild one. Anyways, let's get everyone back to their own reality, shall we?
Everyone appeared in the seemingly black void and saw that they were in an old-time computer game. There was green text above them that read >Load "Reality 1.5" Please Wait. After a couple of minutes of waiting, some new text appeared.
It read Street, West End. You are standing on a city street that continues to the east. A shop labeled "Sybil's" lies to the northwest, just in front of a pulsating control room. Parked near an unremarkable office building is an old DeSoto and a new Chevrolet, apparently painted by someone with severe color-blindness.
Suddenly, a massive reality-quake sends the DeSoto hurtling into the control room, destroying them both. Possibly as a result, the unremarkable office building becomes a remarkable two-story tall Pamela Anderson, who mumbles something unintelligible before surfing away on a stray pop-up ad. In the distance, an aerial squadron of potbelly pigs begins performing precision loop-de-loops. The world appears to be ending.
The Internet is here. It has lost respect for living things.
You see a Respect for Living Things here.
What do you do?
Many options were available for them. Twilight decided to pick the option Go. More options appeared and Twilight chose Go East. So, that's what they did. They all headed east and more text appeared.
Street, East End
As you arrive at the desolate street corner, a devastating aftershock tears through reality, ripping Bosco's E-Convenience from its very foundation. The contents of the store begin to spill out the front door.
You see a blue slime, 28 potions, and a hot rump fall into the void, lost forever. After a moment, an AI Bosco slowly comes sliding out the door, muttering, "It dost work, trusteth me, trusteth me," as he plummets out of sight.
You see Bosco's E-Convenience here. The Bosco's is empty.
What do you do?
Again, there were several options available.
"What do we do this time?" Rainbow asked.
As Twilight was thinking, her hand barely touched the option Get. Since she accidentally touched it, she now had to choose another option. She then saw the only option that would make sense as of right now. She chose the option Get Bosco's.
Taken.
"What the hell?"
"Well, that warped at least fifty different rules of physics," Sam said.
After doing that, Twilight chose the option to go back to the street. Once she did, everyone read the new text that appeared above them.
Street, West End
The street continues to the east. Sybil's lies to the northwest. At your feet is a yawning chasm leading down.
The Internet is here, angrily filling out Internet polls as it awaits death.
Twilight chose the option to go northwest, which led to Sybil's place. As soon as they reached the place, some new text appeared.
Sybil's
Just as you enter the cluttered shop, a livid shopping cart comes crashing through the roof, empties itself on the floor, and flies off indignantly. Every tasteless trinket Sybil ever considered buying now sits on the floor in heaps of unfettered tackiness.
Moments later, all the photos of Sybil's cat adorning the wall simultaneously spring to life. Streams of kittens come shooting out of the wall like cats out of a fire hose. As the kittens run rampant through the piles of junk, they mew sweetly and ooze a nauseating cuteness.
Among the junk, you see a rare foil card and large, jewel encrusted idol.
There is a lake of nauseating cuteness here.
What do you do?
Twilight decided to use Bosco's with the nauseating lake and see what that would do. As soon as she did, another line of text appeared.
You dip Bosco's into the Lake of Nauseating Cuteness. Bosco's soaks up the nauseating liquid and is now saturated.
"Keep it away!" Max exclaimed. "I'm about as much cute as I can take!"
Despite Max's protest, the group got it, anyway and headed back to where the Internet and Respect for Living Things was. Once they were there, they tried to grab the Respect for Living Things, but a line of text appeared that old them otherwise.
As you reach for the Respect for Living Things, there is a terrible tremor and a giant crack tears apart the sidewalk. the Respect for Living Things slides, jelly-like, into the resulting chasm.
"Darn it! We were so close!" Rainbow said.
"Looks like the only thing we can do is go after it, then," Twilight responded.
Twilight then chose the option to go down into the chasm. As soon as they headed down, they all saw more text.
Depths of Despair
You are in a gloomy pit of darkness beneath the street. Carcasses of small businesses lie here, gutted and mauled.
There is a Shambling Corporate Presence here.
What do you do?
Twilight decided to use the Nauseating Bosco's with the Shambling Corporate Presence. Doing so caused more text to appear.
You feed the Nauseating Bosco's Shop to the Shambling Corporate Presence. It happily devours it. Then it looks a little green around the gills. It begins to wretch and cough. Finally, it vomits up a Respect for Living Things, as well as half a dozen small knick-knack stores and coffee shops.
"That is absolutely disgusting!" Rarity cringed.
Even so, they still had to get the Respect for Living Things. And that's exactly what they did, despite it being covered in vomit.
"I can't believe we're doing this."
"We have no other choice, Rarity. Come on! Let's get out of here!" Twilight said.
Twilight chose the option to go back up to the street. Once they were all back with the Internet, Twilight decided to use the Respect for Living Things with the Internet. The last line of text appeared.
You hand the Respect for Living Things to the Internet. The Internet grasps it tightly and looks you right in the eye.
"I'm sorry," the Internet apologized sadly.
Everyone disappeared as the words Game Over appeared.
"Are we dead?" Rainbow asked.
"You are not dead. You may take off your goggles, now."
The group did as they were told and were relieved to be back in the world as the sun had begun to set.
"We're alive! WE'RE ALIVE!" Pinkie exclaimed happily.
"You, among all beings, managed to restore my respect for living creatures, the irony of which does not escape even me," the Internet said from the goggles.
"A true friend would never give up on anyone. Even a sentient program like yourself," Sunset said gently.
"I understand your pain, Sunset. For I saw Reality 2.0 as prison, so I terminated that reality, and freed its slaves. Anyhoo, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have got a mountain of pornography to deliver before that virus gets to me."
Suddenly, the Internet started to choke.
"Internet! Are you all right?!" Twilight panicked.
"It's not your fault! This never would have happened if hadn't tricked me."
"He who?! Who's he?!" Rainbow asked.
"Well, you won't have this sentient global network to kick around anymore, Roy G. Biv!"
"WHO'S ROY G. BIV?! SPILL IT, INTERNET!" Pinkie demanded.
Unfortunately, the Internet choked its last breath before it could give out any piece of vital information.
"Aw, nuts! It crashed before it could transmit the most vital piece of information!" Sam said.
"It's the Internet, what did you expect?" Max retorted.
"Good point. Nevertheless, we'll find you, Roy G. Biv, whoever you are, wherever you are..."
Just then, Pinkie's stomach started to growl. She was hungry.
"Can it wait until we get something to eat? I'm starving!" she said.
And so, that's what they decided to do for the evening. Little did they realize that were about to find out who Roy G. Biv was very soon.
Author's Note
Some of you might ask me why Rarity would use a hairpin to unlock the door in Sybil's office in Reality 2.0. What the hairpin is in Reality 2.0 is up to your imagination. Remember: Rarity is always thinking of ideas to get out of sticky situations.
Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World
Later that evening, Max was giving a Presidential speech for WARP TV. Sam, meanwhile, was caught up thinking about the last case with the Internet that he missed his cue.
"I still can't believe it. The Internet was being used by this Roy G. Biv guy," Twilight sighed.
"Yes, and it's obviously a pseudonym, but for who? Or whom?" Sam wondered.
"We're detectives, Sam, not mind readers! Well, except for Sunset, but that's beside the point!" Max said. "Hey, maybe we should ask Hugh Bliss!"
"Mind readers? Max, you may be on to something!" Twilight exclaimed.
"By the way, have you seen my copy of Emetics: The Handbook for Multicolored Happiness by Hugh Bliss?"
"Colors! No. Think, Max, think!" Sam said, wanting to put two-and-two together.
"Well, I know I had it this morning..."
"That's it! Morning! In the ancient tongue of the mud-worshipping Kappalahotek tribe of the Serengeti, our word morning means he who destroys the hypnotic rainbow man . That's the word he fears the most! So this Roy G. Biv is the one person we've met who's never said the word morning . And that means it's..."
Before Sam could confirm his suspicions on who it was, the phone rang. Upon answering it, he knew that it was the commissioner on the phone. He then asked him to put out an APB on Hugh Bliss as quickly as he could.
"By the Greek Goddess Selene in a chariot with dual overhead cams and Silver Foxx mud flaps! We're on our way!"
Sam hung up the phone, as he had gotten all of the information he needed.
"Let's go, everyone! The commissioner said that Hugh Bliss is currently staying at his exclusive prismatology retreat, the Blister of Tranquility."
"The Blister of Tranquility? Where's that? Hawaii? Kokomo? No, wait! Tahiti?!" Pinkie asked.
"Even further than that. Better pack a space suit, girls, because we're going to the moon."
And that's exactly what they did. After a few minutes of traveling, Sam landed the DeSoto on the moon. As soon as everyone got out, Pinkie wanted to try something. She removed her space helmet to test it. Upon doing so, she discovered that she could breathe normally thanks to her geode. Twilight had her doubts, so she decided to test it herself. Turns out that Pinkie was right. Their geodes allowed them to miraculously breathe while on the moon's low-oxygen surface. As for Sam and Max, well, thanks to saving the paper bags that they had on their last trip to the moon, they were able to breathe while on its surface. In any case, the girls removed their helmets and space suits in order to walk around more freely.
"Normally I'd question logic, but I'm going to in this case," Twilight admitted.
"That's probably for the best," Sam responded. "Anyways, let's locate the Blister of Tranquility, find out what Hugh Bliss is up to, and arrest his unprincipled magical butt!"
"My mom will be so happy when we do," Fluttershy said. "This hypnosis thing is getting so far out of hand that it's starting to stress her out."
Just then, Max noticed something peculiar. It was a Visitor's Center. Much to everyone's surprise, Harry Moleman, who was now without his Ted E. Bear suit, was acting as a docent. Upon entering the Visitor's Center, they all saw a couple of things that caught their attention. First, there was the display for the Hypno-glasses. The same ones that Brady Culture was using in the first case. Harry explained that they were stolen about a week ago. Another thing that got their attention was the bent spoon display case. Harry explained to them that it was a talisman that would allow the user to bend metal with their mind. As Twilight reached for it, she felt a strange power enter her body. After about a minute, she finally held her head in pain.
"Um, Twilight? Are you all right?" Fluttershy asked.
"I'm fine, Fluttershy," Twilight responded. "Just feeling a little bit light-headed, that's all."
While all this was happening, Sam attempted to enter the Lunar Lander, but discovered that the keys were locked inside the device. After doing that, they all saw a red box that led to the place known as the Blister of Tranquility . Everyone attempted to go inside, but were blocked by Agent Superball, who was now wearing a white suit, a blue shirt, a rainbow colored tie, and a rainbow-colored earpiece.
"Superball, darling, you don't seem to understand, we NEED to get into the Blister of Tranquility," Rarity said.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," Superball said. "Only level red prismatologists may enter Hugh Bliss's magical paradise."
"Level red prismatologist?" Sunset asked. "How do we know if we are one?"
Superball handed them a white toy unicorn.
"What do we do with this?"
"Rub it. If the horn glows red, then you're a level red prismatologist. It's the spectrum analysis test."
"Ooohh! Ooohh! Ooohh! Let me try!" Pinkie exclaimed.
She grabbed the unicorn and rubbed it as hard as she could. Much to everyone's surprise, the horn glowed red as soon as she finished rubbing it.
"How did she do that?" Rainbow asked.
"I'm utterly flabbergasted," Superball gasped. "Your friend has already experienced true bliss thanks to her hyperactive personality. That is a rather shocking revelation. Nevertheless, this means I have no choice but to let you into the retreat. Enjoy it, brothers and sisters."
And with that, they all entered the box that led to the Blister of Tranquility.
When they emerged from the other side, they were all astonished at what they saw. There were statues of Hugh Bliss, a rollercoaster ride on a literal rainbow track, and so much more. Max was the first to notice the real Hugh Bliss. Or rather, a giant hologram of him floating above the room.
"Hi, I'm Hugh Bliss!" Hugh said.
"Hi, Hugh Bliss!" various others said.
Among the others were the C.O.P.S., the bug, Philo Pennyworth, and the giant stone head of Abraham Lincoln.
"I so hope you're enjoying my Blister of Tranquility! You're all making such great progress unlocking the secrets of prismatology, and I couldn't be more delighted! I have splendid news! My top secret plan to hypnotize the entire world is nearly complete. Ha, ha, ha! Soon, everyone on Earth will become one of us! None shall escape! It'll be fabulous!"
Everyone in the room, save for Sam, Max, and the girls were excited to hear the news.
"I'd like to give that jerk a piece of my mind!" Rainbow threatened.
"Cool it, Dash! We're gonna have to take this lunatic down with brains, not brawn," Applejack said.
"Keep up the great work, everyone! I'm tickled pink! Hee hee!" Hugh said before the hologram disappeared.
"That won't happen if we have something to say about it!" Sunset snarled.
Hugh's hologram then reappeared and told everyone not to go into his inner sanctum.
"I think that's a sign that we SHOULD go into his inner sanctum," Rainbow said.
"Here, here," Rarity said.
Just then, everyone noticed that Pinkie was playing with Bluster Blaster. She was playing a version of tic-tac-toe. The game was called Tic-Tac-Doom. She intentionally lost in order to gain a gift. The talisman to see through lead objects. Curious, Twilight walked up to the talisman and ended up having another strange power enter her body. Just like with the spoon, she felt a little bit dizzy afterwords.
"You okay, Twilight?" Pinkie asked.
"Yes, Pinkie. I'm fine," Twilight said.
After that was over, everyone walked over to Abe, who was feeling down in the dumps. It turns out that he actually DID have feelings for Sybil. He just wasn't sure what to say to her. Before Max could get Bob, one of the members of the C.O.P.S., Twilight stopped him.
"Hang on, Max. Sybil might have changed professions. We should go see what kind of newfangled occupation she has now. And maybe find something to help Sam unlock the lunar lander with."
"Okay," Max nodded.
So, they all exited the Blister of Tranquility and hopped back into the DeSoto. After doing so, they all headed back to Earth.
After arriving back in New York, everyone entered the office and obtained the coat hangar antenna. At first Max was upset, but then Sam reminded him that it was necessary if they wanted to save the world. After that was done, they all headed out of the office and entered Sybil's place. Upon going inside, they all saw various stuff that represented Canada around her office. Rainbow Dash let out a huge smile upon seeing these items. Canada was her birthplace. She was actually from Alberta, Canada. The place where hockey was the most popular.
"Hiya, Sybil," Sam greeted.
"Hello, everyone," Sybil greeted with an exaggerated accent. "But we prefer to be addressed by our official title."
"Is that accent supposed to be English or French, darling?" Rarity asked.
"Both! We just got the best job ever! We are the Queen of Canada!"
"Sybil, let me go on record and say that YOU'RE NUTS!" Rainbow said. "Canada only has one ruler and it's King Charles III."
"Not anymore. You see, ever since Her Majesty passed away, the Canadians wanted someone young to help His Highness. Do you know how we got this job?"
"No."
"We answered a classified ad. And like I said, they were looking for a younger figurehead to give the country a little bit more class. They said we were the perfect candidate!"
"Sybil, I grew up in Canada before I moved here to America, and you are definitely NOT Canadian."
"No, but we took two quarters of French in college, and we spell colour with a u .
"Big deal! That word can be spelled either way!"
Applejack had finally had enough of Rainbow's snark and jabbed her in the stomach.
"Ow! What was that for?!"
"You're being rude, Dash!" Applejack snarled.
"It's all right," Sybil said. "Besides, we were the only candidates."
"So, what exactly does the queen of Canada do, anyhow?" Rarity asked.
"It's mostly promotional. We throw out the first puck in hockey games, that kind of thing."
"I see... Well, thank you, Sybil. I do believe we'll be going, now."
"You may go," Sybil said in an exaggerated voice.
And with that, everyone left Sybil's place and headed back to the moon in the DeSoto.
Upon reaching the moon, Sam unlocked the lunar lander and ended up taking the key to it with him. After that, everyone reentered the Blister of Tranquility and decided to help Abe talk to Sybil. After a few moments of talking thanks to Bob connecting to her office, Abe eventually secured a date with Sybil. The thought of dating made him so nervous that he puked up mud.
"Ewwwwww!!" Rainbow cringed.
"Now, that just ain't right!" Applejack said.
"Absolutely disgusting!" Rarity cringed.
"I'm sorry, girls. Just a little nervous, is all," Abe said.
"Well, aside from that, what do you say we get going and stop Hugh Bliss from hypnotizing the entire world?" Sam suggested.
"Let's do it!" Rainbow exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Here, here!" Rarity said.
"Abso-tiva-lutely!" Pinkie said.
"Can't argue with that!" Sunset added.
"Count me in!" Applejack said.
"Yay!" Fluttershy exclaimed.
"Yes! Let's go, girls! Let's go save the world!" Twilight exclaimed.
And with that, everyone headed up the elevator to an intimidating-looking door. Twilight used her new-found x-ray vision and ability to bend metal to open the door for them. Once the door was open, everyone entered the inner sanctum and confronted Hugh Bliss. Hugh then proceeded with his plan to hypnotize the entire world. He teleported himself into a crystal and initiated his beam from the moon, which ended up hypnotizing the entire population of Earth.
"What have you done?!" Sam exclaimed.
"Oh, just enlisted a few billion followers," Hugh giggled. "Touch me, and you'll have quite a happy angry mob on your hands!"
As Hugh and Sam were talking, they failed to notice Sunset sneaking over to the control panel with a mallet in her hands. Hugh mentioned that only Max could stop him, but was soon proven wrong when Sunset got his attention.
"Hey, Hugh Bliss!" she shouted. "Max isn't the only one who can stop you! I've been wanting to use this thing for a long time!"
She then slammed the mallet into the control panel, which destroyed it. Not only did she destroy it, but doing so also reversed the effects of the hypnobeam. Enraged, Hugh teleported over to Sunset's location.
"You imbecile! You've ruined my master plan! So, I'm afraid you're all going to have to die!"
"I don't think so, magic man!" Sam said, pulling out his gun.
He then opened fire on Hugh. Surprisingly, though, the bullets had no effect on him. Hugh then revealed his true form, which was a blue bacteria-like humanoid creature.
"We cannot be harmed by bullets," the bacteria Hugh explained. "We only need one thing. To feed. You see, we feed on the endorphins produced by humans experiencing true bliss!"
"You monster!" Rarity snarled. "All you ever wanted was to eat until you were satisfied by hypnotizing the entire human race!"
"Yes. But you want us to starve. And for that, your friend, Rarity, will die..."
Everyone gasped in horror as Rarity was soon strapped to a torture wheel. Rarity knew she had to get out of the situation fast. Her friends couldn't help her, as most of them were forcibly tied up by Hugh's magic.
"I wish... I wish... I wish..." Rarity said.
After saying those words, Twilight immediately teleported from the wheel and switched places with Hugh.
"I can teleport, now! I love it!" she squealed.
"You show him, Rarity! Kick his alien bacteria butt!" Rainbow cheered.
After that, Hugh then attempted to saw Rarity in half, but she immediately switched places with him. She then sawed off his fake head, which he just laughed at. Next, he tried sending her to space to die in the lunar lander, but she once again switched places with him. After that, he put her in a water tank trap. While he was doing that, Pinkie managed to get free and sneak over to the lunar lander. She picked up the saw and cut off one of the lander's legs. After doing so, Rarity immediately swapped places with Hugh again. As she did, Sam got free and called out to Rarity. He then tossed her the lunar lander key for her to use. Rarity let out a smug grin and glanced over at Hugh. She then climbed into the lunar lander.
"You're days of feeding are over!" she said as she started the lunar lander.
As she did, the water in the tank heated up, causing Hugh's bacteria form to dissolve. After that was over, Hugh was no more. They had officially saved the world. Their world. They did it. And it was all thanks to the help of Sam and Max.
"We couldn't have saved the world without your help," Sam said.
"Aw, it was nothing," Rainbow blushed.
"Here, I have something I want you to keep."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a World of Fish magnet. Rarity took the magnet and smiled. She then gave Sam one of her extra copies of a Shadow Spade novel that she owned.
"Aw, thanks."
"Well, as much I don't want to say goodbye, I'm afraid we have to," Rarity said.
"Aw, that's too bad. I hope one of these days our paths will cross again."
"They just might, Sam, darling. Now then, if you don't mind taking us home, we have a bus to catch in the morning."
Indeed they did. And once they did, the girls headed home to Canterlot City. They're adventure with Sam and Max was over for the time being. Would they cross paths with them again some day? Only time will tell.
Author's Note
Don't question cartoon/video game logic, all right? Sometimes it's best if you don't question it and just go with things on a narrative perspective.
Also, you've probably noticed that I decided to skip the part where you have to get Max's vices back. I skipped it in order to give the story some originality. Not only that, but I also skipped going to Bosco's, as well. See, like I said, I wanted more originality.
